#these are all based on real posts and comments I saw on those posts btw

[lylahammar]

skinny ppl learn to shut the fuck up when the conversation isn't about you challenge

[bumbleblurr]

head in my hands I hate u speed racer reference on blurrs tfwiki page I hate u

[alonetimelover]

Hi, was wondering if you could write a dadrry social media au? Could be about anything, just love to see that content ❤️ amazing work btw!

pairing: Harry Styles x famous!reader

summary: just dadrry and his sweet family of five

a/n: a little fic based in the famous!reader universe!

masterlist taglist famous!reader

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harryupdates

liked by ynupdates, hArrysbtch and 65 292 others

harryupdates HARRY and his youngest baby were seen hiking in Italy!!

view all 2 029 comments

ynupdates that's certainly a way to hold a baby!

harrysmoustache FATHER IS HERE

stylesbabie you're the real one for putting this emoji on baby's face! i saw others not being so considerate

⤷ harryupdates of course! it's a child and besides the as it was bts neither yn or harry posted their face

harrysmylife here i thought he would stop walking so much after having children. nope! now, he's bringing them with himself!

ynsmymama i saw photos with their oldest baby there as well, yn's having some me time

hArrysbtch y'all here praising him for being a father and here i am staring at his arms. my man got some guns on himself

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yourinstagram

liked by harrystyles, ynupdates and 6 492 392 others

yourinstagram being heavily pregnant during winter >>>>> during the summer

view all 230 201 comments

harrystyles You look flawlessly.

⤷ yourinstagram nothing you say will give back my biscuit

⤷ harrystyles We have two packs in the pantry.

⤷ yourinstagram yeah? but that one had the most raisins i've ever seen on a biscuit. and you ate it.

annetwist As soon as you'll be back in London I am taking kids for a week. I miss them!

⤷ yourinstagram you're the best, mum. can you take your child as well?

⤷ harrystyles Rude.

⤷ annetwist Of course! You need some alone time!

gemmastyles hello, sexy mama. are you single?

⤷ yourinstagram i am for the next twenty minutes. let's make the most of it. gelato?

ynupdates you're glowing

harryupdates what a beautiful family

ynsmymama how do you like the ball exercises? because i hated them during my pregnancy

⤷ yourinstagram hi child! and tbh i don't exercise on that ball. i just roll on it

⤷ ynsmybestie ICON

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YN via IG story

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harryupdates

liked by ynupdates and 34 202 others

harryupdates HARRY was seen walking to the hospital in London! It's the hospital where YN and him went to a few days ago.

view all 2 302 comments

ynupdates ohhhh, this is a fresh dad Harry

hArrysbtch that's the man that for the third time, THIRD TIME became a father

harrysmoustache DILF

ynsmybestie i love how cozy he looks

stylesbabie finally that big ass bag is full of necessary shit

harrysmylife when is he going to start wearing dad clothes? i can't wait to swoon over a man dressing like any father on the planet, because I will

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Harry via his IG story

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harryupdates

liked by hArrysbtch, harrysmoustache and 45 392 others

harryupdates HARRY was at the playdate with both of his and YN's older kids!

view all 3 201 comments

hArrysbtch hot dad at the playdate???

stylesbabie i hope those mums and dads are respectful

harrysmylife i asked for a dad outfit and he delivered

⤷ harrysmoustache definitely! my dad dresses the same

ynupdates he looks good, fatherhood is treating him good

⤷ hArrysbtch i wouldn't expect anything else

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dailymail

liked by user45 and 279 302 others

dailymail Harry Styles and wife, YN YSN, were asked to leave the restaurant after customers and staff were disturbed by YN breastfeeding their newborn. Our source says that after having a conversation, led by YN, the manager of the restaurant didn't change his decision. Harry escorted YN and their child to the car and then came back to have a talk with the management of the restaurant. Apparently, he was visibly furious and on the edge of losing his temper. After a discussion and manager's attempts to apologise, Harry stormed off.

view all 23 201 comments

harryupdates I'm not surprised he was furious! was yn supposed to starve their child?

ynupdates it's 21st century and people are still scared of women breastfeeding

ynsmybestie who was disturbed, men or women?

⤷ stylesbabie the article said it was three men complain

⤷ ynsmybestie I'm sadly not surprised

ynsmymama if they were so bothered by her breastfeeding near others, they could propose her some private room and not throw them out of the restaurant!

⤷ ynsmybestie but they shouldn't have a problem with it. she shouldn't leave restaurant for feeding her child

⤷ ynsmymama of course! but wanting to please all the customers you adjust to the situation. they didn't do thag

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yourinstagram

liked by harrystyles, annetwist, ynupdates, harryupdates and 8 302 302 others

yourinstagram Hello, you little people in my phone! As most of you know (because of Daily Mail) two days ago, my husband, our child, and I were asked to leave the restaurant we ate at, because of causing disturbance to other customers. The said disturbance was me breastfeeding our child. Before our waiter and then the manager talked with us, my husband took a picture (above) (he really takes pictures of everything) showing what was visible while breastfeeding (A BREAST !!). There really was no conversation between two parties. When asked if covering myself with a cloth would be more comfortable, I was just once again asked to leave the restaurant. No person should be forbidden to feed their children in public. I shouldn't have asked if covering myself would be more comfortable with others. No. We shouldn't accept this kind of non written 'rules'. With everything said, I wasn't going to let our child starve and went to feed her in a car, so no stranger eyes could see a breast. In the link in bio you can find a great article about breastfeeding in public and what parents go through to please the strangers being bothered by a flesh of naked skin. Be kind to each other. YN.

view all 349 302 comments

harrystyles You are the best mother our children could have. And the best partner I could find and share the life with.

⤷ yourinstagram I love you.

annetwist ♥️♥️

gemmastyles You tell'em sister

ynupdates I am so mad that you needed to made a statement about it. sick.

harryupdates people are very delicate when it comes to breastfeeding but have no problem with parading without a shirt on

hArrysbtch im just gonna focus on how precious that picture is, and the fact that harry is that type of a father to snap pictures of everything

⤷ yourinstagram he really is, those 256gb are straining and in need of expanding

⤷ harrystyles Not my fault they don't allow SD cards anymore.

⤷ hArrysbtch we love a millennial

harrysmoustache that restaurant is going to flood with negative reviews right now

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harrystyles

liked by yourinstagram, annetwist and 11 291 492 others

harrystyles To the best woman I know, thank you for choosing me to be your partner and father of our beautiful children. There is no moment in the day or night when I don't think about how lucky and fulfilled I feel spending my life with you. Happy birthday, my love. Your, H.

comments to this post have been limited

yourinstagram Come downstairs. There are now words to describe my love.

annetwist Happy birthday, YN. I believe there could be no other person more perfect to be in our lives.

gemmastyles Happy birthday, wifey!!!

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a/n: should i write some blurbs about dadrry?

[strawberryraviegutz]

Ok, I’m gonna be real with you guys. When it comes to simping for a character, I’ve never been nervous/embarrassed about simping for a character until Jack Horner. Usually when I simp for a “tumblr sexyman”or any character in general I know that there’s gonna be people who say it’s “cringe” and all and or get made fun of, but I usually don’t care and simp to my hearts content and be on my merry way.

But with Jack Horner it’s different. People are being so fucking WEIRD about him. People are legit “terrified”/butthurt over people finding him attractive or about him becoming a tumblr sexyman(fucking hate that term btw. It’s almost always been used to make fun of people for simping for fictional characters they personally don’t find attractive to their standards, and even if a “tumblr sexymen” is conventionally attractive we still get made fun of or picked on so there’s literally no pleasing these people).Even the“tumblr sexyman of the day” account on Twitter doesn’t claim Jack Horner(so much for not supporting cringe culture lmao).

Hell I literally saw a Tumblr post about someone sayingthat they wanna observe Jack Horner simps under a microscope as if we’re damn science experiments, and one other one saying “block me if you find him attractive you’re disgusting” or just people baffled about others finding him hot. And don’t even get me started on those dumb Jack Horner “parody accounts made for the soul purpose of saying bigoted shit using the character(that being the transphobic and racist Jack Horner “parody” accounts on Twitter).

Now I sorta do have an oc I wanna ship with him. She’s still a work in progress and I might base her off of Swan Lake. But seeing the way people are behaving online Idk if I should. I don’t want people my commenting on my shit being like, “lmao get a grip he would never do that!” Or “dude he’d never actually love you if anything he’d actually *insert bigoted behavior here*”, or overall getting attacked in general. I’m legit terrified.

This is Also the reason why I was so hesitant about simping for him in the first place. Why are people so adamant about attacking people online for finding certain characters attractive, we’re not doing anything wrong like please just LEAVE US ALONE. What do you guys think I should do? I could use some encouragement and or advice on what to do.

[tyhi]

austistic as well. your comment on my ask was also passive-aggressive, but here, for the sake of understanding.

there's not really a joke to explain. op made a humorous observation. comic books don't necessarily draw from real life. having an evil alter-ego might be reminiscent of DID experiences, and that's valid to feel. but to say that every single fan of hulk is repressing/unaware of their own DID makes no sense. because that's just not true- more people like hulk than have DID, because as relatable as he may seem to systems, he's also relatable to other people as well.

the op was saying that white guys who act like heisenberg is a separate person from walter white- a protectir, someone who takes over for him- are basing that reading of heisenberg on their experiences with other media- namely, comic books. this was written in the post. op said 'white guys who read comic books are applying schema of separate personas to other media, and it's silly- those who watch the show with a lens of analysis can see that heisenberg is a self-made, self-perpetuated alter ego that has no separation in mind or body at all'.

then, you not only claimed that the reference to personas was because of the aforementioned white guys' DID, a diagnosis that's inappropriate to apply to wide swathes of people without more knowledge of them- and of the context. but you ALSO did it in such a way that insinuated the op was being cruel, malicious, or targeting those with DID, diagnosed or not-yet diagnosed.

this was inappropriate because you did not use the context available in the post, and, in addition, did not acknowledge you are missing some outside context (breaking bad, comic book culture) that would have made either research, asking questions, or not commenting better options for you. further, your comment was inappropriate because you passive-aggressively ascribed mal-intent to a stranger online, publicly. again, without having the context needed to see if your comment was legitimate based on the post and not your assumptions.

thanks for the explanation.

i did not say "everybody who reads this media this way has DID". i said that i saw plurality in that take. not all plurality comes from complex dissociative disorders.

the post read to me like "these people are wrong and laughable for seeing plurality in their media" where it isn't made clear to be actual plurality (and where plurality likely wasn't even intended or considered) but like uhmmm. have u seen the amount of plurality representation? there's nothing to see. many people don't even know about plurality at all, other than stereotypes about DID, so many people don't know to ever consider they might be plural.

and btw. maybe this is not obvious but im not some huge blog where me making a comment is some huge public statement. this is my personal blog where i post my thoughts and like sorry but people are gonna see that in their notes and it's up to them if they wanna interact further.

[alastorswifee]

Get to know me!💓

~

Okay so I saw some people make posts where they describe themselves so when asking other writers and blogs to pair them with a character, they can read about the asker in their post.

I’m also making this so when I request for characters and I want the reader to have a personality like mine, the writers can know what I’m like without me having to dm them or describe it in the ask.

~

• I don’t share my real life name on the internet for privacy reasons but everyone calls me Angelk

• I’m 5’0 but if we’re doing something like the sonic universe then you can shrink down my size to what fits

• I’m a very calm and patient person no matter the situation but if things get out of hand I’ll try to calmly and politely solve it. If things still proceed to escalate I tend to get more strict and people say it sounds like a mother or teacher scolding children but hey it gets the job done

• I tend to play dumb a lot but it depends on the situation, I don’t want to seem completely clueless or stupid. I only play dumb to see what someone would tell me and depending on what they tell me I can figure out what kind of person they are

• I love reading books and poetry, I love the quiet since I’m prone to constant headaches. Romance and horror are my favorite genres, I love love. And horror movies are exactly what I love as well!

• speaking of headaches, alot of things can cause my headaches, my motion sickness, too bright of light(but it depends on the day), loud noises and if I’m hungry I get a headache

• i love dancing and singing, my family are dancers and singers so it’s no surprise when I fall into those categories

• I’m fond of any type of dance but I mostly stick to traditional, pole dancing and ballet. Tho if you catch me dancing it’s always my hips swaying more than anything

• and before anyone makes a sexual comment, pole dancing is a wonderful form of dance that I admire a lot, it takes a tremendous amount of strength, balance and trust in yourself to do it

• I’m extremely shy when it comes to singing and dancing tho AND my art, I’m aware I’m a good artist but I don’t like showing the world that, it’s almost like a hidden talent

• I love baking tho sweets aren’t my favorite thing so I bake for others

• I only like dark chocolate

• I would prefer pickles or crisps or maybe goldfish crackers

• it’s funny cause I can bake but not cook, it’s curse but I’m trying and learning to cook

• I have a dream to become a model or maybe open a cafe

• I tend to write stories or poems, sometimes songs based on my emotions and what’s happening in life

• hopeless romantic? That’s me aha

• I would be the type to want to slow dance with someone in the middle of the living room

• star gazing(tho I’ll fall asleep quickly cause I’m lame at staying awake late)

• doing skin care routines together with others if they agree that is

• my type are characters like..

Leonardo and Donatello(tmnt)

sonic, shadow and silver the hedgehog

kita, Sakusa and kuroo(haikyuu)

Akashi and Kagami(kuroko’s basketball)

Tomioka Giyuu and Sanemi Shinazugawa(demon slayer)

midoriya izuku(my hero academia)

• did I mention I love gems and jewels? Shiny things :O

• btw if someone gives me flowers, instant marriage.

• I’m a bit of a clean freak, I don’t like when a room is a mess or filthy in any way so I’m always cleaning. I make sure to have hand sanitizer or a cloth on me at all times. I’m not an overly clean freak, it depends on my environment

• I also care a lot about personal hygiene, I shower like twice a day and I do a lot of skin care.

• I tend to get worried about others and you’re thinking oh for their well being? Yes but also their hygiene lmfao

• I am a really sweet and caring person tho I tend to be too patient with people at times according to my boyfriend

• he’s right tho, I’m too nice to people who sometimes don’t deserve it

• but if someone needs confronting I’ll do so but in a mature manner

• I can tend to have an ego but not overly high, for example:

• “I mean I don’t blame them, I am really pretty”

• “I’m too pretty to die..”

• *looking into mirror and fixing hair* “huh what?”

• “just because it’s the end of the world doesn’t mean I can’t look gorg”

• “darling I’m not late I’m fashionably late, there’s a difference”

• I’m completely honest with people but if I need to lie to spare your feelings then I’ll do that or I’ll sugarcoat my honest thought

• people younger than me tend to see me as a big sister or mother figure from how I am

• I love calling others nicknames such as darling, sugar, sweetie, dear, babes, honey, sugarplum

• I love fashion and care a lot about my appearance, I tend to be a people pleaser too

• I love coffee and tea but tea is higher because it’s more calming and I love drinking it while reading or writing

• I tend to get stressed out alot cause I worry for alot of things and people even tho I shouldn’t be

• my hair is like my prized possession, it’s length..it’s reaching my bum now so it’s pretty long but I always take care of it and if anything happened to my hair I would get so mad

• makeup? I barely use any but that’s just me being lazy to actually put it on, I only use concealer cause my under eyes are horrid..goodness. Setting powder, eyeliner and eyelashes maybe lipgloss if I feel extra fancy- whoops sorry I got carried away

• favorite colours? Pink, yellow and green

• I LOVE flowers so much, I’m getting collarbone tattoos of flowers soon! My favorite flowers are sunflowers and chrysanthemums

• I HATE bugs tho with a passion and lizards, I just can’t be around them

• I would freeze up and slowly back away

• yk how everyone says fight or flight? No girly I’m freeze

• I’m afraid of thunderstorms, lightning and thunder are horrible good god

• I’m pretty calm during that time of the month but it’s mostly me whining from cramps and wanting pickles and mustard

• oh yeah I have an unhealthy love for mustard

• favorite foods? Potstickers, Salads(with dressing) and Fries

• favorite animal? Deer, turtles, jellyfish

• now I wouldn’t mind having a pet but at the same time apart of me doesn’t want them because they can make a mess at times and I don’t want fur or anything on my clothes so a fish sounds nice

• I can be flirty but that’s if I’m comfortable with you and we’re close friends, I’m also clingy but that’s if I’m REALLY fond of you

• I’m not a fan of smoking but I drink when it comes to some occasions, I’m a light weight unfortunately but I know when to stop. Tho if I had the chance to maybe get drunk I’d be a mess

• when I drink i away when I stand or walk so I have to constantly be sitting down, I’ll wanna dance a lot, I’ll be clingy with whoever is near me and I’ll be giggly

• let’s insert im with a character from that list I have from before…Sonic? Sure Sonic, it’ll go like:

• “Soniccc, babyyyy”

• “Sonic have I ever told you *giggle* that I have a huge crush on you? You’re like so handsome and amazing..” and just cling onto his arm

• lmfao why did I imagine boom!sonic

• I tend to understand how people are feeling just by looking at them, i need to vibe check people before I get to know them. If they give me a good vibe then they’re in the clear and if not then im not gonna be around them. According to everyone I know, all my feelings have been correct.

• I tend to have predictions from time to time, I either get a bad feeling about something or someone or I dream something happening and it happens irl

• it doesn’t always happen tho, only few things get predicted

• I tend to have paranormal experiences too and I tend to know when there’s another presence around which is interesting

• I believe in the paranormal based on my experiences but I’m not the stupid one to use a ouji board or do stupid rituals or taunt entities

• maybe that’s another reason for my love for horror movies

• also if someone is flirting with me, I play stupid at times or lowkey tease them about it

• “hm? What do you mean?”

• or

• “oh that’s sweet darling, so are you..”

• depends on my mood

• anyways

• is there anything else I should add?

• I randomly do stuff like lift my leg into the air or do the splits like for no reason..does that count as need to be known? Idk-

• i mean my scent- it’s Japanese cherry blossom perfume, everyone seem to love my scent so thought it was necessary

• I have a sucking addiction and before you all say something, I mean I have an addiction to wanting to suck on something like a lollipop or popsicle, like my mouth needs to be occupied sometimes but not all the time

• good god if I don’t wear my glasses I’m completely blind I’m telling you my eyesight is so horrible darling you wouldn’t believe

• I love this thing I told someone the other day and I’m gonna quote it

• friend: I need to take you on a roller coaster some day

Me: I dunno..it might ruin my hair

• sigh I’ll never get why I’m like this

• I love library trips but no one exactly wants to go with me so it’s always a solo trip

• I also love sleeping and taking naps, I tend to need them. I can’t stay up late tho so idk why I’m constantly tired

• I feel like I’ve been rambling for too long now..hm

• I think that’s all??

• thank you for patiently reading through this sweethearts! I hope this is helpful for if I ever put in a request or if you wanted to get to know me then I’m flattered you read this, we should totally talk in dms if you’re interested!

[sidemenyesplease]

simon angst with a happy fluffy ending maybe?? 🥺👉🏻👈🏻

Driver License - Simon

Type - angst? (Not really ‘cause I suck

writting it) into fluff , swears

Warnings - starts of with some angst

A/n - this is based on the song ‘Driver License’ by Olivia Rodrigo so I recommend you listen to it / the text in pink is the lyrics from the song x

Posted : 28.2.21

(Y/n’s pov)

“Hey, where’s Simon?” I asked the boys when I walked into the house where all the boys (including both of the Cal’s) where there expect for Simon.

“Oh he’s with that girl he meet on tinder” Ethan told me making me pause.

“Oh” I bit my lip, he was the one I wanted to tell the news to the most, i mewn the rest of the boys are all my closest friends but Simon is who I’m closest with out of them and we always tell everything to each other,

Or used to.

“Yeah, I’m pretty sure he really likes her” Ethan smiled at me as I seat in between the Cal’s.

Ouch.

That hurts to hear, yes I have a crush on Simon but been to affaid to tell him. “Yeah she’s pretty cool” JJ commented.

“Yeah, and hot” Freezy laughed making me look down and play with my sleeves, yes I’ve seen pictures of her.

“You ok?” Lux whispered to me while everyone’s attention was focoued on the tv, he was the only one who knew about my crush since I knew I could trust him not to tell anyone.

I just nodded, even though him and me both knew I wasn’t, I was exited to tell Simon the news.

“I got my driver license last week” I whisper to Lux seeing his eyes widen and he smiled over at me, since I was to busy from last week I haven’t seen the boys yet to tell boys and was going to tell them all today, now that I have free time.

But Simon wasn’t here, the one I wanted to tell the most.

Just like we always talked about

'Cause you were so excited for me

I was looking forward to tell him the most because he is my best friend, and actualy the one who helped me before my test and always believed in me.

And we planned to go on long drives togther, because he knew how much I loved going out for a drive at night and he said he’d always come with me.

“I’ll be back soon I’m just going to the shop” I announced as I got up from my seat and grabbed my phone from the table.

“Anyone want anything?” I asked , seeing everyone saying know , and that they where fine.

“I’ll be back” I told them, as the nodded I went and left quickly, closing the door behind me I walked to my car and out the keys in and sighed.

To finally drive up to your house

But today I drove through the suburbs

Crying 'cause you weren't around

I felt bad that I only wanted to go to the boys house to see Simon, so I decided to get out, on my own, for a bit.

Once I finshed going to the shop I went back into my car and started to drive back, I’ve only been out for 10 minuites.

Before I started to drive, I got out my drink and looked out the window and was in my own thoughts.

And you're probably with that blonde girl

Who always made me doubt

She's so much older than me

I hate being jealous, it’s not Simons fault either, I wish I told him sooner but I just didn’t want to ruin our frinship incase he didn’t like me back in that way which is more than likely, even more than ever now, that his with her, who seems to be his ideal type.

I’m not usally the one to get jealous over girls but She's everything I'm insecure about.

Felling my phone buzzing on my leg made me flinch a little, looking down to it to see it was a text from Lux.

‘Just making sure you’re ok, Simons here (on his own) btw x’

I read , smiling a little when I read him asking if I’m ok, it’s nice feeling like at lest someone cares.

‘Yeah I’m omw back’

I texted back quickly and set my phone down so I could start driving.

“Who’s car is that?” Harry asked when I walked back into the house while he was looking out the window and finaly realised I was droven here and not by Lux or Simon.

“it’s mine” I mumbled and went back to sit beside the Cal’s, and spotted Simon sitting across from me and look at me.

“Since when can you drive?” Questioned JJ making everyone’s attention be on me.

“Uh, since last week, I was going to tell you todsy actually” I said, seeing Lux smile proudly as he threw his arm around me as everyone looked at me suprised but proud.

“You never told me” Simon sounded offended since we tell each other everything.

“I was busy last week and you weren’t here eariler” I replied back to him swing his face change a little.

“Oh yeah, how was the date?” Ethan smiled as he asked Simon making me roll my eyes and lean bsck on the sofa.

“It was fine” Simon shrugged making Ethan give him a look confused as if he expected Simon to say more about it or sound more happy.

“We’re going on another date on Thursday” Simon announced out making Ethan smile again.

“This Thursday?” I asked as he got my full attention now.

“Yeah” he confirmed to me making me look down again and play with my shelve which is a habit of mine.

“Oh, I thought we had plans to go out that day” I said softly, also seeing Lux looking at me to make sure I was ok with him knowing I’d be hurt.

Simon never misses our planes or never skips out on them, even if his really busy he used to give me time.

“But that’s fun have fun with the smoking hot girl” I faked smiled at him before he could commented, and rested my head on Lux’s shoulder.

“Sorry I must of forgotten, I’ve been so caught up on her” Simon frowned at me after my reaction.

“Oh she’s coming over here now by the way, if that’s ok with you guys?” Simon asked making me sight softly , knowing that everyone won’t mind and will say yes , and my response wouldn’t matter.

“Hey, could you take me for a drive?” I want to see how good you are” Lux asked, with him also known I’d want to get out of here when she was here, I didn’t want to be in the same room as her and Simon.

“Of course” I smiled at Lux, thankful I told him about my crush other wise I’d be stuck here and thankful for having him helping me out, anotber reason I told Lux.

“Do you not want to meet her?” Simon asked, thinking I’d want to since he has let me meet all his other friends, and his meet all of my friends.

“Uh maybe another day” I lied to him, never wanting to meet her in real life after seeeing her photos, while I’m jealous enjoy just seeing them I could imagine making a fool of myself meeting her irl.

“Oh, ok” Simon softly spoke, I could tell he felt a bit usset since this is the first friend of his I haven’t meet yet.

“We will be going now, see y’all later” Lux spoke for me, grabbing my hand as he dragged me outside, before anything else could happen.

“Thanks” I breathed out as soon as we got out. “No bother, I didn’t want to see her either, she looks fake as fuck in those photos” Lux said making me laugh at his honesty.

“You really want to see my driving though?” I asked making sure, think he was just helping me with using that exause, but seeing him nod his head making me smile and walked up to my car and unlocking it, letting him in.

“Where do you want to go?” I asked him as we both buckled out seatbelts.

“Anywhere” he shrugged.

Yeah, today I drove through the suburbs

“Ok let’s go” I spoke, thinking of places to drive as I started my car up again, but still having Simon at the back of my head, trying to get rid of thinking of him, but I don’t think I could.

'Cause how could I ever love someone else?

And all my friends are tired

“I miss him” I mumbled seeing Lux give me a look, wanting me to stop talking about him.

Of hearing how much I miss you, but

“I know you do, so let’s just have fun togher today” Lux told me, wanting to help me, making me smile and I finaly started to drive out of the drive way.

I kinda feel sorry for them

'Cause they'll never know you the way that I do

“Where we going to?” Lux asked while he out his window down.

“The beach” I said seeing him nod, but also without him knowing it was mine and Simons go to.

Today I drove through the suburbs

And pictured I was driving home to you

“I hope she’s still not here” Lux spoke as we got back out of the car two hours later and where back to the house after having a walk across the beach since it was a nice day.

I agreed whilst we both walked up to the door and opened it to get back in.

“Y/n, can I talk to you?” Was the first thing I heard being asked when we where in, from Simon. I looked around seeing the girl not here anymore, thankfully.

“Alone” Simon we continued after he saw me nod.

“Uh yeah sure” I answered slowly, seeing him getting of the sofa as Lux went to sit back down he grabbed my hand and lead me up to his room.

“I cancled the date” Simon told me once he closed his door.

“Why?” I asked suprised, looking at him confused since I though he really liked her, so why would he cancle it?.

“Becuase I realised I liked someone else and not her” he told me.

“Oh” was all I could get out, grate even less a chance to be with him, but why was he only telling me?.

“It’s you who I like” he spoke quickly, making me barley catch what he was saying, but I was able to which made me look at him with wide eyes while he was looking at me nervously.

“I- I like you to” I replied honestly seeing him smile brightly and being me into a tight hug.

“I’m so sorry for ignoring you when I was with her” he mumbled into my back.

“It’s ok” I sighed , just being happy I had him back and that having it turn out he liked me.

[dongofthewolf]

When You’re Lost in the Darkness, Look for the Light- Chapter 2

Abby Anderson x Fem!Reader

Read chapter 1 here !

After your night with Abby you head down to the cafeteria again to grab some food, still convinced it was all a dream. It’s not until you recognize a familiar face from across the room that you realize it was real, and this time she’s not alone.

Warnings: mild violence, swearing, fluff, just a lot of gay panic tbh

The new chapter is finally here !! All the positive comments on the first one made me so happy so THANK YOU for those :))

BTW that gif of Abby... both eyes open no blink (O_O)

When you woke from your slumber you were almost positive that your encounter with Abby was merely a dream or a figment of your imagination. It was the first time since moving to the base that you hadn’t woken up in a cold sweat; nightmares filled with the echoes of clickers and that piercing sound of ammo clattering on the floor was not an uncommon occurrence. After spending those two dreadful days trapped in a bunker with nothing but a pocket knife and a small handgun, a good night's sleep was something you no longer expected. You shivered as you recalled that dark, cold, concrete room you had barricaded yourself in, awaiting your death with no food, water, or supplies of any kind. It wasn’t until you heard the crashing of pipe bombs in the above levels that you snapped out of your weakened state. The WLF had on a whim decided to clear the building you were hiding out in and saved you. Your rescue was a complete stroke of luck and you weren’t sure whether to be incredibly grateful or afraid for it.

Still groggy from your sleep, you hadn’t even realized the small piece of paper that had been slipped under your door. It was from a page in a notebook that had been ripped out, and on it was a small message in neat, military handwriting: “Had a lot of fun last night :) - A”.

“So it was real!” You thought. That absolute tank of a woman wasn’t just a product of a sleep deprived trip to the communal cafeteria; she was real and every fibre of your being hoped she had enjoyed last night as much as you did.

You neatly tucked the note into your copy of Pride and Prejudice before getting ready for the day (or more like afternoon since you had slept in). After brushing your teeth and washing your face, you slipped on your military issued combat boots and a light sweatshirt before leaving your dorm. 

It was still raining outside but luckily the WLF base wasn’t too chilly. Even when it snowed they always managed to maintain some modicum of heat, it seemed as though the wolves could always find ways around the pesky inconveniences of living in a post-apocalyptic world. You never really questioned it though and you knew better than to doubt Isaac’s methods. It’s not like you’ve actually met him or anything, but the stories that you had heard were enough to send a chill down your spine, and you knew that even if you did ask questions it’s not like anyone would answer them anyways.

Fortunately you hadn’t slept in past lunch because you were absolutely starving, so starving that even the shitty WLF base food was starting to smell like heaven. As you made your way into the cafeteria that was teeming with life, there was only one thing on your mind: devouring those damn burritos. Once you finally got some food you quickly sat down to demolish it, amazed at how so much happiness could be contained within the confines of a single bland tortilla and completely oblivious to the staring of a familiar pair of blue eyes from across the crowded room.

“Just talk to her already.” Manny said in a teasing tone.

Abby quickly snapped out of it “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”. 

Of course Abby knew what he was talking about; in your rush to completely annihilate those burritos you had failed to notice Abby sitting at a table a few feet away. Abby couldn’t explain it but her heart was racing, the same way it would if she were in combat with a hoard or some Scars. 

Manny rolled his eyes “Dude I’m not blind, you’ve been staring at her ever since she sat down. So who is she?”. He relished at the sight of Abby’s nervousness, he hadn’t seen her like this since back when she was still dating Owen.

“Huh? No hablo inglés.” Abby said sarcastically trying to get Manny off her back.

“Fine, I guess I’ll have to ask her myself.” Manny started to get up when Abby kicked his shins from under the table. Manny yelped in pain “Dude! What the hell?”.

“I will literally clock you in the face, sit your ass down right now.” Abby quickly glanced around the room to make sure no one noticed Manny writhing in pain. 

Manny chuckled then smiled that classic smug grin while he gripped his definitely-bruised shins “I knew it, someone’s got a crush.”.

“God you’re annoying, I should’ve let that clicker eat you last week.” Abby said in an annoyed tone as she fell back against her chair. Abby felt a tinge of remorse for kicking Manny like that, she knew that Manny probably wouldn’t have actually walked up to you; but she couldn’t have risked it. Abby looked up and noticed Manny’s expression had changed, afraid she overstepped with that last statement Abby was just about to apologize when Manny started.

“What the fuck Abby?! Why didn’t you tell me about this girl, you know I’m the best wing-man.” Manny was suddenly very intrigued, Abby had always been very secretive when it came to her love life so Manny jumped at the opportunity to become her certified dating coach. Plus, not only did Manny have his fair share of experience with women, he also just really wanted to see Abby less lonely. After Owen and Mel started dating along with Leah and Jordan, Abby was stuck constantly third-wheeling the entire group; Manny didn’t think she minded that much, but sometimes it hurt his heart to see her all alone.

“There’s nothing to talk about Manny, we’re just friends.” Abby replied reluctantly, not completely believing her own words. It’s not like you guys were dating, but it felt like a disservice to call what you guys had a “friendship”. The word itself didn’t accurately encapsulate enough meaning for her and despite the fact she was a voracious reader, Abby just couldn’t come up with a word for what you two had.

“If you’re friends, then just go up and talk to her.”  Manny knew Abby, and he knew that she always needed a push if he wanted to get anything out of her.

“I can’t… I just can’t. I’m not like you, okay?” Abby was conflicted, waves of doubt started to roll in the more she thought about it. She didn’t want to consider the possibility that maybe you didn’t want to talk to her; that maybe you were just being nice last night and didn’t actually like her, or maybe even that you saw her when you came in and decided to ignore her on purpose. 

Obviously Abby was freaking out for no reason, but those small anxious bits of uncertainty that crept in from the back of her mind made her shield of confidence feel tenuous and weak; something she despised.

Manny knew what Abby meant but being the smug little shit he is, he wanted to hear her say it out loud “What do you mean?”.

Abby sighed, “Don’t make me say it.”.

“No, no I really want to hear it.” Manny smiled that famous shit-eating grin, the one he used whenever Abby had to admit he was right.

Abby realized he wasn’t letting go of this “Ugh you know, you can… talk to people.”. Abby could tell by Manny’s face that he wasn’t satisfied with her answer, so not wanting to risk the possibility that he’ll stand up again Abby gave him a look of defeat “and I guess you’re charming or whatever.”.

“Ah! Música para mis oídos.” Manny smiled proudly, hearing Abby compliment him was almost as rare as seeing her without that signature braid. Just as Manny was getting ready to haul Abby’s ass to your table he looked over and realized that you had disappeared, it wasn’t until Abby kicked his shins again that he realized you were standing right there.

You were elbow deep in your third burrito before your dumbass realized that Abby was sitting a couple tables across from yours. “Shit!” You thought, how long had she been sitting there? Did she notice you? No, probably not… unless, what if she was so disgusted by you huffing down those burritos that she ignored you? Ugh! How could you not have noticed her?

You calmly set your burrito down, wiping your face and praying to God there wasn’t anything stuck in your teeth. You figured that Abby probably hadn’t noticed you so you decided to just bite the bullet and talk to her. As you stood up from your seat to make your way over to her table, you quietly whispered to yourself “Come on y/n, don’t be a pussy.”.

“Hey Abby.” She was sitting with a man who you assumed was the friend that she had transferred here with, she mentioned his name last night but you couldn’t place it. He suddenly jerked around to face you with a calm smile on his face, his rugged features and charming personality now making it clear as to why Abby complained about being kicked out of her own room so many nights. Even though you weren’t attracted to him, you understood what all the fuss was about.

“Hey Y/N, I didn’t even see you there.” As soon as the words came out Abby shot Manny a look, the kind of look that meant “don’t say a fucking word.”. However, of course Manny being… well Manny, he grinned and raised his hand to shake yours.

“I’m Manny.” His smile was warm and welcoming as he shook your hand “Please, sit down sit down. Tell me all about yourself.”.

You took a seat next to Abby, your knees just barely grazing each other due to the shortage of space at the table. Even though it was such a small form of contact, you couldn’t help but feel like there was an electric charge connecting you together. You wondered if she even noticed the gesture, if Abby could hear your heart daring to beat out of your chest; if she noticed that small gap between your hands on the table, or if she even noticed the small clandestine looks you were sending her the whole time.

Abby froze stiff as a board when you sat down next to her, and she did her best to maintain her composure when she felt your knee graze hers from beneath the table. This was the closest you two had been and now she could really see the details of your face and your actions; how you pushed a strand of hair behind your ear whenever you were nervous, or how you snorted when Manny thought “Little Women” was just about really tiny people. She noticed how bright your smile was, how it was the kind of smile that could instantly light up an entire room, and she was astonished because Abby finally understood the real meaning of that one Firefly quote about “looking for the light”. Abby realized that no matter what, she would follow you to the ends of the Earth. You were this bright and unexpected light that suddenly entered her life, you weakened her defences and made her feel like a ball of putty, and while one part of her detested that feeling, another part of her never wanted to part with it.

You explained to them how you had been rescued by the WLF and how you were a pretty skilled mechanic. You even told them about how although you loved your job, you desperately wanted to work in the library, because other than the fact that you wouldn’t be covered in grease at the end of every day, you’d also be surrounded by things you love. 

The two told you about the “Salt Lake Crew” and how they were essentially Isaac’s top soldiers. It was a fact that left you with about a hundred questions, but you figured it wasn’t the right time to bring up their boss so you tried your best to brush it off. The three of you sat at that table talking for what felt like forever before the cafeteria staff kicked you guys out because they had to clean up. 

As they both walked you to your room you were so incredibly excited. You had spent so many months at this boring outpost, spending most of your time reading or crying. Then Abby happened; she came into your life and suddenly you weren’t alone anymore. You were so insanely grateful for this newfound happiness that you just wanted to leap into those insanely strong arms. 

Just as the two were about to leave Abby grabbed your hand and leaned down to your height so she could quietly talk to you, “Hey Y/N, can I ask you something?”.

You were so dumbfounded by her hand holding yours that you nearly passed out, you tried to form words but all you could manage was a small nod.

Abby smiled as she stood up and looked to Manny “Hey, you can go ahead I’ll catch up. I just need to talk to Y/N for a quick sec.”. 

Manny immediately got the signal and grinned so wide Abby thought his face would freeze like that, Abby knew she was never going to hear the end of this, but she couldn’t really be bothered to care with your hand in hers.

Then Manny was gone, and it was just you and Abby. Her hand was still holding yours and you couldn’t help but notice all the details of them; how she had these small calluses on the palms of her hands, formed from years of wielding firearms and lifting weights. You realized how much damage she could do with them—how much damage she had done with them—but instead she stood there softly cradling your hand in hers, just lightly squeezing it before she looked at you with those same pools of blue you wanted desperately to drown in.

“Hey so I know we kind of just met last night, but I’ve really enjoyed hanging out with you and…” Abby paused to contemplate her words before starting again “and I was wondering if we could do this more often. I’m doing some work for Isaac tomorrow but I’ll be back later if you wanted to come by and watch a movie or something?”.

“Holy shit!” You thought “Did Abby just ask me out on a date?”. You couldn’t believe it, there was no way this absolutely fucking perfect girl just asked you on a date. You almost wanted to pinch yourself because nothing about this felt real, it wasn’t until you snapped back to reality that you realized you had been staring at Abby in absolute silence while she stood there waiting for an answer.

You quickly answered “Absolutely, I would love to come over and watch a movie.” Your heart was pounding dangerously fast against your ribcage and your face was completely flushed as you gave her a reassuring smile.

Abby sighed with relief and lightly squeezed your hand “Great! I’m in the room across from the gym, does eight o-clock work?”. Abby felt like a weight had been lifted from her shoulders, at first when Y/N didn’t say anything, she was afraid she had misread the situation and crossed the line.

“I’ll see you then.” As you started heading back to your room, you suddenly remembered something “Hey Abby!” She looked back with curiosity as you shot her a small smirk “Thanks for the note.”. 

Abby smiled shyly “I’ll see you tomorrow Y/N.”

—

Read the next chapter here

[askaceattorney]

These are letters regarding the situation that recently transpired. After this, we will no longer be answering any letters regarding politics. All of us agree that this blog needs to strictly stay out of politics. In truth, politics should never have been the center of this blog. After this, any letter regarding politics or the situation will be deleted.

This is a blog that focuses on answering letters to Ace Attorney canon characters. It does not discriminate anyone or any mod based on race, gender, sexual orientation, religion, politics, etc. and such actions are not tolerated. If you believe one of our mods is discriminating for whatever reason, show solid evidence and we will handle this privately. A support for a former or current president of a country is not proof of discrimination and neither are political memes posted on a personal account.

(More Politics Ahead)

Dear rogertheegg,

Co-Mod: Nope. Everyone’s welcome here, regardless of political leanings.  I’m afraid I’m as clueless as you are about what exactly happened with the two former Mods (they didn’t even say anything to me about it), but it’s all water under the bridge as far as I’m concerned.

Mod Edgeworth: Absolutely not! I have never tolerated political discrimination. You are allowed to believe whatever politics you want.

Dear kunaiman,

Co-Mod: High five.

Mod Edgeworth: Thank you very much for your support.

Dear Mistakes,

Mod Edgeworth: I’m not going to go into anything else regarding my politics, but I will state my reason for outing myself: I’m doing this for Co-Mod.  I do consider him a friend of sorts and I do not wish for him to have to suffer this blowback alone. So, if you want to state your grievances, go ahead.

Know this though, I am still the same mod you have met and have never hidden my character from any of you. My politics do not define my character and neither does Co-Mod’s politics define his character. The same goes for anyone else. I’m just someone that leans Conservative and voted for Trump. If that makes me a bad person, even if I do stand against any discrimination, then I will gladly accept it.

Co-Mod: So, here’s the truth about me, Donald Trump, the MAGA Committee, etc. (and this is from the horse’s mouth, so anyone who says otherwise is lying) -- I’ve never been a huge fan of the guy, but I supported the good things he did and wanted to do during his presidency -- creating jobs, draining the political swamp, promoting patriotism, and so on -- and for that, I feel no shame.  I also wished he could’ve kept his big mouth shut about a lot of things, but overall, I saw him as someone who stood up for people who’d been largely ignored before he came along -- namely, middle class Americans. If you see him and his presidency differently, I won’t hold anything against you for it, so I respectfully ask that you do the same for me.

Dear Anonymous,

Mod Edgeworth: Don’t worry, I know who you are. You maybe under anonymous, but when we receive your letter, it isn’t anonymous lol. What we do is place your letter in photoshop and get rid of all your identity. Thank you for your support and I agree.

This blog will continue, even if it’s under a very few of us. I will allow everyone to display their grievances in the comment section. They have just as much right as Co-Mod and I do.

If there’s anyone I wish for you to support, it’s Co-Mod. He’s the one being the most effected by all of this. I don’t believe politics should have been involved or that we should have to justify why we believe in our politics. Neither have to do with our love for Ace Attorney.

Dear I’m still surprised,

Mod Edgeworth: I’m guessing this is for Co-Mod, because it doesn’t seem like you’ve read my own defense. I literally stated that both Co-Mod and I support LGBT and that the letters deleted because of shipping had nothing to do with any political beliefs. Beyond what I stated in my defense (despite what Co-Mod states below), I won’t say anything more. Non of us have to justify why we support a former president. I have my reasons just like anyone else. It doesn’t make me a terrible person and I will forever stand for everyone’s rights to believe whatever politics they believe.

Co-Mod: It’s a shame I have to say this on an Ace Attorney blog of all places, but where is your proof that I or anyone on my side of the aisle takes any enjoyment in seeing anyone dead or oppressed, whether in a minority or otherwise?  I can only assume you’ve been listening to some skewed sources, or that there’s something huge I’m missing, because I’ve yet to see any right-wing groups reach that level of hatred.  (And if you know of any, please fill me in.  I mean that honestly.)

As for why I left same-sex attraction out of this blog, it’s simply because I see it as a divisive topic rather than a simply controversial one, (i.e. the death penalty, game piracy, etc.).  I’ve also proven several times that I’m not very good at addressing it without people getting rubbed the wrong way, so I decided to play it safe and not discuss it at all.  I’m happy to talk about it anywhere else, but a blog about Ace Attorney didn’t seem like the right place for it to me.  On top of that, there are plenty of blogs about peoples’ same-sex ships all over Tumblr, so why complain about this one?  If there’s a rule stating that Ace Attorney-themed Tumblr blogs are required to include those ships, I sure haven’t heard it.

I’ll admit this much -- like Phoenix, it’s something I can’t claim to understand, so maybe I still have some learning to do about it, but if I’m going to be accused of bigotry, I’d like to see some solid evidence of it.  Assumptions don’t count in my book.

Dear Dailystir,

Mod Edgeworth: Thank you. I’m not going to address anymore than I already have. I will not and refuse to mention anything else on my politics. Just like how you said, I am more at the center in the political world. I lean more Conservative, but I am Independent. I consider both Republicans and Democrats to be two different wings from the same bird.

I’m also glad you do not consider being a Trump supporter to be in the same basket as being a racist, bigot or any of that. These days, I can declare myself as a supporter of Andrew Jackson (I’m not btw) and not be against Natives, even though he was the reason for the mass genocide of thousands of Native Americans. I can openly support Martain Luther King, yet not be considered homophobic, even though he was against LGBT. I can consider myself a Bill Clinton supporter and not support raping women, even though that’s what he did in office. Yet, the moment I declare myself a Trump supporter, I’m automatically Anti LGBT, a bigot, a sexist, a racist and a phobe of some sort, because Trump supposedly is? What a world we live in! I can’t remember the last time supporting a political figure or celebrity made you a terrible person.

As for Mod Vera and Mod Maya, I still wish they could’ve said something to me or Co-Mod, if they truly felt uncomfortable. I’m still willing to talk to either of them and hear them out. I don’t blame them for doing what they did. I don’t know them or what life they live in. I have talked to someone, who had faced bigotry  and hate from Trump supporters in their area to the point of fear. I’ve even seen a Trump supporter bully an Anti Trump Supporter and I ended up reporting the bully, then calling them out for their behavior. I can say from experience that when you face real discrimination, it puts you in a state of fear to never express yourself or your identity. My family faced that and so did I. It’s the reason I’ve never revealed my race, gender or sexual orientation and can understand where Mod Maya and Mod Vera are coming from.

I think the real takeaway is to not judge anyone based on their politics, but also to not hate anyone who does. You will find bigotry on any side of the political spectrum from any group. To say there is none on any side is spouting ignorance.

Dear Anonymous,

Mod Edgeworth: It is sad, though even if I do understand where Mod Vera and Mod Maya are coming from, I still can’t justify them not talking to either of us first. They never spoke to either of us and assumed the worst out of both of us. They never asked us anything or mentioned their concerns. I’m certain, even now, they’re still assuming things.

Had they mentioned their grievances, I would have been willing to talk with them and work things out, but we were never given that chance. It kinda hurts, because they said they understood when I told them I was staying out of politics and was willing to admit that I supported Trump and am an Independent Conservative. Then, they pull the rug from under us and claim we are against ethnic minorities and LGBT. That’s why I wish they could’ve said something.

I’m still willing to talk to either of them, but I doubt they’ll want to hear from me. No amount of context is going to change that. If it did, they would’ve talked to me about it before leaving.

-The Mods

P. S. Co-Mod: As ugly as this can of worms is, it’s been a fun practice in defending my beliefs and decisions.  Never underestimate that skill, everyone.

Mod Edgeworth: I still can’t believe this was brought out at all. I’m so sick of politics!

[ladybirdwithoutdots]

do you really need to bring shipper wars in the Austen fandom too?

Full offense but people who deny Emma is in love with Mr Knightley and hate on him because they ship her with Harriet, and pretend she should’ve ended up with her, are bullshit.  I’m tired of these posts (including the Harriet stans whom I saw bashing even in some emma/knightley posts when fans of the latter are the first to make cute posts about Harriet too), and honestly, you all just make me feel very negative about Harriet and unable to truly appreciate her scenes with Emma.

Maybe I just don’t care about being a bitch but here’s what an Emma fan who is just tired of the anti Emma/Knightley crap honestly thinks about your nonsense:

Hating on the last Emma adaptation because Emma is in love with Mr Knightley and marries him in the end is as disingenuos and idiotic as hating a Pride and Prejudice adaptation because Darcy and Elizabeth are in love. Le duh!  You can ship him with Bingley and her with Charlotte (or Wickham, if that’s your mood I’m not judging shipping choices here) but if you watch a movie based on an Austen’s book you know what you are getting yourself into, especially when her canon romances tend to be very important plot elements for the protagonists and their character growth. 

I get it’s 2021 and hating all het romance makes some people feel woke and edgy, and I totally get alternative readings and things like that, but out of ALL Austen ships and all her female heroines, Emma is the one female character who doesn’t even need, neither want,  to get married and truly only does that in the end because she is in love.  Emma is the LEAST Austen heroine whose romance you should even question because she honestly only married the guy because of love and no other reason.   Furthermore, unlike most of romances from that time, the guy Emma marries isn’t just some random guy she has met two seconds ago, it actually is her best friend, someone she knows since years and the one person who knows her best and loves her in spite of her flaws. Austen was very forward for her time with their romance, especially given the fact her male love interest actually decides to live with Emma and her father in the end instead of doing what every married man had the right to do at the time (take his wife to his own home where she’d have little to no power). Knightley and Emma are the (original) best friends to lovers relationship. He’s the best friend Emma had loved from the beginning without realizing it. It’s one of the main points of her story and the great irony of the novel that she thinks love isn’t for her, and she had never been in love, but she already is in love with him without realizing it because of their friendship. I’m sorry bro but that had never been Harriet, and it seems hypocritical tbh for some of you to want to give Harriet the story that Mr Knightley has with Emma, all the while hating on him and the romance. Even with the last movie, you have people take quotes de Wilde said about Knightley and Emma (e.g., the one about the movie making you think about ‘the best friend you maybe should have kissed’) out of context to manipulate others into thinking she was talking about Harriet instead (and queer baiting, which would be homophobic)

On one hand, we really do need more stories that put an emphasis on female friendships too and on other relationships that aren’t just the romance. On the other hand, it’s completely useless for writers to try to give us that  (e.g. de Wilde in the last Emma) if everytime two characters care about each other and share screentime together, people claim that relationship (and all scenes that make perfect sense with a normal platonic relationship) must be romance and romance only. It’s almost as if some of you never had a friend and therefore believe that everytime a character cares about another character they must be romantically in love with them. It also makes me believe, more than anything, that romance is the only kind of love that exists or is important for many of you. And if that is the truth, why even bother with fictional friendships then? Why even complain when writers don’t give us that if we are unable to appreciate those relationships as something of equal importance with romance?

I really can’t take people serioustly when they overinflate Harriet and her relationship with Emma all the while they minimize Emma/Knightley’s mutual feelings.  I read people who apparently find it harder to erase Harriet’s baseless crushes on every guy who gives her attention, than erase the actual love story and feelings of the protagonist! Tbh, even if you wanted a gay adaptation of Emma (and not one that is that just for the sake of), it would make much more sense to simply turn Mr Knightley into a female character, therefore still respecting the canon couple and Emma’s character arc, than ship her with Harriet. The latter is a weak alternative and frankly baseless for me because the only things she and Emma have in common is the fact they are both girls and they have an ‘e’ in their name. Full stop. Intellectually, Harriet is no match for Emma and their ranks in society are so apart that their relationship could never ever be equal (and it never was). I don’t want to be harsh but tbh I was never convinced they are actually friends in the novel, and the last movie made it even worse for they emphasized Harriet’s blindness about Emma’s feelings, and how one sided that dynamic is for it’s just Emma who makes an effort to be a friend in the end. Let’s be real here, Harriet doesn’t even know Emma and never really acts as a friend to her, unless your definition of friendship is ‘someone who worships you, and pretends you are the best and right even when you aren’t, as long as they perceive you as a savior who can help them'.  That’s not what being a friend means to me. It speaks volumes to me that the one and only time movie-Harriet actually notices that Emma is a human being with flaws and feelings too is when she gets angry because Emma wants the same guy she wants. I don’t know if Austen’s ‘naive and completely clueless Harriet’ is worse or better than de Wilde’s version but the latter really emphasizes one of the biggest issues of Emma/Harriet even more, to me. As a book Emma fan, before an adaptations fan, I read all kinds of comments about this novel and character but honestly, I never read any real convincing argument why Harriet and Emma should be a couple instead of her and Knightley. Most of what I read boils down to people taking things out of context and/or claims that Harriet is ‘better’ for Emma just because she’s a woman and she agrees with her all the time, while Mr Knightley is the bad guy because he’s older than her (he’s only 37, btw) and criticizes her ( as if Emma doesn’t need someone to criticize her, and her character growth isn’t dependent on precisely that). I get some people wouldn’t like to have someone who is criticizing them but worshiping someone is =/= being their friend or appreciating their real qualities. I also read people point up how much Emma praises Harriet in the book as proof that she’s in love with her, but the same ignore the many instances, especially after Harriet tells her that she loves Mr Knightley, that truly show Emma’s real colors and how much she still considers Harriet her, and especially Mr Knightley’s, inferior to the extent she regrets their friendship and thinks Harriet is ‘uppity’ for thinking Mr Knightley would ruin his reputation to marry someone like her. When I read those arguments it seems, if anything, that people want to have the cake and eat it by saying that Austen’s own story doesn’t matter (and she doesn’t understand her characters’ real feelings) when it comes to the things those people don’t like (eg the fact Knightley is the one Emma is in love with and all the explicit hints about that ), all the while still selectively using some of her writing to support their alternative version of the story. Now with the last movie adaptation, it’s even worse for me. It’s telling that the two scenes people romanticize as pro Emma/Harriet are two phrases/moments that actually emphasize the bad side of their relationship, and why their friendship isn’t good for either of them. The first is the scene when Emma says she ‘wants to keep Harriet for herself’: not only there is nothing romantic about that ( that line is in the book too as well as Knightley’s ‘your infatuation is blinding you’. You are reading a book written in 1800 with modern goggles though, and that alone doesn’t really work) but that phrase should actually make you cringe for it emphasizes how selfish and manipulative Emma is by treating Harriet like her new pet project just because she’s lonely. She doesn’t care about the girl’s feelings for Robert Martin, and what is truly the best for her due to her rank (and how dangerous it actually is for Harriet to not marry and find someone who can offer her protection), even if it’s what she tells herself, she only cares about her own desire to have a new female friend because she lost Mrs Weston and she feels lonely and bored. It’s also true, though, that she is still lying to Mr Knightley too because she does actually want to match Harriet with Mr Elton, that which is obvious in the other scenes, but even that is an expression of Emma’s selfishness and not really a hint of her caring, let alone loving, Harriet as a human at this point. If you read the book, it’s particularly obvious given the fact that Emma isn’t blind about Harriet’s feelings for Robert Martin for she knows that her behavior is bad and the girl actually cares about the guy, but she manipulates her into thinking Mr Elton is better because it’s her choice and she prefers him (until he proposes to her, of course. Then she thinks Mr Elton is trash for being so arrogant to believe someone of his rank could marry her) The second phrase people romanticize is only in the last movie and it’s that annoying ‘I refused Robert Martin because of you’ phrase by Harriet later in the movie. I hate that because, once again, that phrase has nothing ‘romantic’ about it unless you obviously ignore the context and what is actually happening there. Harriet is being passive aggressive with Emma there, gaslighting her and blaming her for the loss of her first suitor BECAUSE HARRIET WANTS MR KNIGHTLEY for herself. Harriet is angry with Emma there because she realizes she loves Mr Knightley TOO and Emma has more chances than her. The most likely sentiment behind that flippant phrase for me is something along the lines of Harriet impulsively telling Emma to move aside and let her have Mr Knightley because she made her lose Robert Martin already. She is trying to make Emma feel guilty, subconsciously or deliberately, but this surely is how Emma herself perceives Harriet’s words too for the poor girl really thinks it makes her a bad person to accept Knightley’s proposal in spite of loving him back. Harriet made her believe she was stealing her man and yet, AND YET, had Harriet been a real friend, to begin with, she should’ve realized Emma’s feelings for him way before she deluded herself into thinking the guy wanted her. But Harriet never cares about Emma’s feelings and even their reconciliation in the end is all, still, about what Emma needs to do for her. Not a word from Harriet about being happy for her friend too. Nothing.

Listen, I really appreciate de Wilde’s attempt to make the Harriet/Emma dynamic better than it is in either the novel or other adaptations, even if it personally doesn’t convince me it’s friendship. But I get it. Like I said at the beginning, it’s important that movies display different kinds of love too beside romance and if you can’t do that with characters like Emma who are the protagonist then when you can even do that? I think it was valid for her and Catton to want to emphasize the fact that Emma, at her core, is truly young and lonely and she doesn’t have friends in the truest sense of the word (Mr Knightley is one, of course, but their point is more about her having a female companion too whom Emma could do more ‘girl’ things she can’t do with her husband or father) but, honestly, I maintain no adaptation ever truly got their relationship right. No one.  Overrating them and pretending that they are best friends forever when there is no substance for that is as incorrect as an interpretation of Austen’s writing as it is treating Harriet as a silly girl Emma barely tolerates. I appreciate the movie shows Emma’s conflict about Harriet when Knightley proposes to her because most of adaptations don’t do that: in the book she really, for a moment, feels so bad for Harriet and feels simultanously happy Mr Knightley loves her but also bad for taking the guy Harriet wants. She is no hero who wants to give up about him to let Harriet have the guy instead, though, but it isn’t like she doesn’t care either. She does and it’s a source of anguish for Emma and part of her character growth that she actually cares and feels empathy for Harriet.

However, if you want Emma to have a real female friend that’s not Harriet and that’s not really the story Austen wrote and the role she gave to Harriet. Like many academics pointed up, like many of Emma’s ‘mirrors’ in the story, Harriet is put there by Austen to emphasize Emma’s immaturity at the beginning and the fact she deliberately doesn’t choose her equals as friends and picks Harriet, instead, as her new pet project because her inferiority makes her easier to manipulate and, like Mr Knightley very eloquently points up, she makes Emma feel superior and more accomplished than she is. Emma doesn’t want to be friends with Jane, for example, because not only she could be more her equal but she actually does see her as superior in the aspects that make Emma the most vulnerable and insecure.

It’s great the movie gave more space to Emma’s relationship with Harriet, and I get that if you want to put the spotlight on female friendship too it’s either Harriet or Mrs Weston but also, let’s not pretend the movie wasn’t focused very much on her romance with Mr Knightley too, perhaps more than other adaptations did. People commend this adaptation for showing his feelings for her more and it’s true, but I will also argue that this movie does emphasize her feelings for him more than adaptations usually do for you really see Emma’s feelings and jealousy towards him before she even realizes her feelings. It’s obvious since their first scene when she’s waiting for him and runs to her piano because she wants to get noticed by him. Her breath constantly hitches when he’s close to her or because of her feelings for him, and she definitely reacts to dancing with him. She may not know her feelings from the start, she might be in her own ‘work in progress’ to figure everything out, but the movie makes it obvious to me that she loves him. If there is any adaptation where you want to be disingenuos about their chemistry and deny their romance, this really isn’t the one tbh. Look, if you want to headcanon Emma as bisexual you’ll find me agreeing with you, but pro LGBT readings and actual representation doesn’t mean, for me, shipping two characters together just because they are the same gender and the writers make them care about each other a bit, or give them screentime. Like I said at the beginning, if I wanted a gay adaptation of Emma I’d rather make Mr Knightley a woman than ship Emma with Harriet or Mrs Weston or Jane. Because regardless their genders, it’s the Knightley character the one Emma loves and wants to be with, and it’s this character who truly represents her best friend and the person who knows her best. It’s Knightley the only one who cares about her well being so much that when she is being the worst version of herself and no one cares, he is the one willing to tell her even if he hates doing that and he feels he’s destroying every chance he has to make her love him back. It’s the Knightley character who ultimately inspires her to be a better person and loves her in spite of her flaws.

[zhansww]

Imma do a little confession. I use to follow this FB page for XZ and it was really helpful at times but then things got kinda crazy (if that's the right term) about how WY hates him and only used him for his career. I even commented at time about how anti's a lot and that I miss how they use to be, more or just friendship it didn't matter. And I was totally singled out and was called stupid and for being blind about what WY was and what he and his team was going to XZ. Part 1

Part 2. So I ended up unfollowing the page when I saw how kinda toxic it was but went back to see at least three more people say that this page is just a big anti-WY group and questioning the group leader. My heart hurt from it all but didn't lose hope that ggdd were still a big part of each other's lives and I just want then to be happy. I'm sorry for ranting your blog just helps with how mean people can be and I find comfort in it, I shall look to you and anyone you recommend for ggdd guidance

Ever since XZ and WYB’s popularity blew up, there have been many accounts on weibo that are just dedicated to making the most ridiculous theories about how gg and dd actually hate each other (paid haters are a thing in c-ent btw which is still insane to me). I noticed that this “trend” has also reached the international fans this year. I guess what’s worse than the idiots who spread such information are the ones who instantly believe it, not because any of it makes sense but because they want to. It’s unfortunate but there are many fans like that. Fans who judge reality based on what they want to be real, based on their emotions. I’m not surprised that they insulted you for trying to reason with them. When you try to discuss with them, it doesn’t matter how objective and rational you're being, to them it’s just like you’re questioning their feelings so ofc, they immediately get defensive and riled up and well, even more emotional. Believe me, I tried many of times but it always ended the same. If I may offer some advice, I know it may be frustrating to come across people like that but I think it’s best to ignore them precisely because you can’t reason with them and because you know they’re wrong anyway (lol). This is something that XZ himself does, too; he said that when he sees outrageous comments about him that are untrue, he wants to reply but he doesn’t cuz he thinks that time will tell. And at this point, this is what I do, too btw. I have no understanding or patience for “fans" like that. It’s obviously totally fine to like one of them without liking the other but any XZ solo who hates Yibo and seriously believes that he is working against Zhan-ge either doesn’t know shit about Yibo or has grossly misunderstood his personality. And the same goes for Yibo solos who hate Zhan-ge. That’s actually even worse imo cuz anyone who claims to be a fan of Yibo knows what kind of honest and straight-forward person he is and how uncharacteristically devoted he is to Zhan-ge and yet, they still delude themselves into thinking Yibo is giving fanservice to cp fans or that it must have been so hard for him to force himself to smile around Zhan-ge cuz he secretly hates him. Yeah, I don’t consider those kind of solos to be fans at all. I reckon they hate the possibility that their idol isn’t only theirs so much that they’d rather do anything they can to convince themselves that ggdd hate each other and their idol couldn’t possibly love someone else than their fans.

(inserts random yz gif cuz long text posts look too boring lol)

It’s a pity that that XZ fan account you followed turned into a salty anti but for what it’s worth, if you ever come across those kind of antis again, just ignore them or block them if you have to. You can’t control what they do, only what you do. And I think the only way to counter such hate is with love and support for Zhan-ge and Yibo and with maybe spreading the reality - which is that they have a good relationship in private. “I just want them to happy” is a sentiment that I relate to so damn much. Friends or lovers, they deserve to be happy and to be able to publicly support each other and show that they are close if they want to instead of being forced to hide that. I want that for them so badly. The road ahead is still long but I intend to keep supporting ggdd until they get there someday. I hope you will, too! I’m so humbled that my blog can help you find comfort ^-^ To be honest, I have no problem ignoring antis cuz they’re simply wrong. They mostly just make me laugh cuz they sound so stupid and keep contradicting themselves, it’s embarrassing. Reality says the opposite of what they say so I don’t care about them in the slightest. You’re more than welcome to rant about them to me anytime (lolz) but I hope that maybe possibly explaining how little I think of them will make it easier for you to ignore them, too xD

[golbrocklovely]

since i haven't posted anything in a hot minute, why not more tweets from colby?

here is a continuation of colby’s tweets from 2017.

i don’t have proof that these are his tweets, but believe me, they are his.

if it’s bold and italicized, it’s someone’s tweet to him (or… tweets for context to what he was responding to).

if it’s in (), that’s just me commenting lol

~~~~~~~~~~~

July 6 - I've said it before and I'll keep saying it forever ... Confidence = the key to success in all aspects of life

July 9 - Power is out in the entire city. This is so hectic

I'm tired of things being so complicated and complex, like, I just wanna have fun ! Hahahah

July 12 - I love my friends

July 14 - Japan isn't ready for Titties Flying in Lasagna, am I right boys or am I right? @/BrennenTaylor @/JayWalkr @/EltonCastee

July 15 - Everyone here is so friendly :) Or maybe they're just cussing me out to my face while smiling, how am I supposed to know

July 17 - "It's you and me, and all of the people .. and I don't know why, I can't keep my eyes off of you"

Can't trust anyone.

July 18 - "don't assume that your dreams are just a fantasy"

It's been a while since I've heard the sound of thunder .. :)

July 19 - 2 nightmares in the past 2 nights . Where's a dream catcher when you need one ?

July 20 - Can hide emotions so great that it's bad

July 21 - People are trying to control my life and I absolutely hate it.

Imma just do what makes me happy, and you should too

July 23 - Spread knowledge. Spread love. Spread positivity. Communication is key

July 25 - Still can't get what I saw in the forest out of my mind .. Posting tomorrow.

Since when has it been okay to call a girl a slut? Especially on a public platform like social media! Guys, have some respect. Makes me mad

July 29 - Just had one of those crazy dreams you're convinced it's real until the second you wake up .. My mind is all over the place

I've been having these weird flashbacks and memories of the forest .. Really strange

July 30 - No, I did not lose my virginity to Hannah Montana

Aug. 1 - You ever just wanna forget about the world and cuddle someone?

oh, happy #NationalGirlfriendsDay btw .. 😒😐

Don't let what scares you take control

Aug. 4 - If you haven't even "rawr XD'd" at least once today then can you even call yourself emo ?

Aug. 6 - I swear I lose my mind every time I'm in it

I don't wanna wait anymore. Time to focus on me myself and I only.

Aug. 8 - Your love is my medicine.

The difference between "Walmart" and "Gucci" is Walmart doesn't need to use FaceTune to make the eyes pop #Brolby >

(what a flip flop of emotions there, colby lol also there were a bunch of other brolby vs brikey tweets that i didn't include)

Aug. 10 - I like me better when I'm with you

Aug. 12 - What a time to be alive

I want you all to myself, I swear

Aug. 13 - You sing in the shower, ADMIT IT

Aug. 14 - The nerve of some people out in LA .. it's ridiculous.

Aug. 15 - So many fake porn accounts tweeting me today, wtf is going on

Aug. 18 - I will always have trust issues because of what someone did to me ... it's messed up. Loyalty is so important in this world.

I'm okay, it's time for me to grind and really focus on myself. You guys are always there for me.. Thank you for that. I'll make you proud

Aug. 21 - People are trying to control my life and I absolutely hate it.

(who the fuck was trying to control colby lol)

Aug. 22 - Sometimes, you just gotta go with your gut feeling .. regardless of what anyone else says.

Aug. 23 - Out of all the people I've met my entire life, the one person who's been by my side through everything is @/SamGolbach // I'm so lucky

Aug. 26 - Never forget to reminisce on the old times

Aug. 30 - Find happiness from yourself not from others

Sept. 1 - Amber is such a sexy name.

Sept. 2 - @/corinnakopf: Uh @/ColbyBrock is my new favorite person

@/corinnakopf <3

Sept. 3 - Judge people based on their souls, not looks

My mind is so clear and I'm just a generally happier person when I'm not in the same place everyday

I start to overthink when on my phone too much

Sept. 5 - I need someone who can be my escape. My distraction from the world.

Wow, there are so many angry people on YouTube. We gotta make stress ball merch a thing.

(honestly.... still true to this day lol)

Find you a boi who constantly smells like a fresh, Hawaiian breeze because of their new car freshener (me)

Sept. 8 - I'm a professional at making handshakes a super awkward thing, I should win an award

Sept. 12 - Throughout life, people who mean a lot to you will come and go. But the best will stay.

Sept. 15 - "I pick myself apart cause, I couldn't care at all"

Sept. 18 - Life's so much more fun when you don't give a shit about anything

Sept. 23 - Almost didn't see the diss track brikey released cause it wasn't in my verified tab

Sept. 25 - "I show you a different side of me that no one else sees"

(woah... sounds almost like skin's lyrics)

Sept. 29 - I swear to god our house is haunted

[ghoste-catte]

multiples of 3 ✌🏼-sgmdrcklee

@sagemoderocklee you’re really trying to kill me lol

This got long as heck so I’m throwing it behind a cut. Read on for answers and fic recs! (Mostly the fic recs)

3. favorite line/scene you wrote this year

This is a tough one to answer for me generally because I tend to spit words onto the page and once I have written them I no longer remember writing them. And 2020 has stretched on so long that as I’m looking at some of the stuff I wrote in the beginning of this year, I hardly remember what’s even in it. I think at one point someone (@goblin-draws maybe?) mentioned a line in Sleeptalk with Me where the innkeeper calls Kankuro “chubby boy”, and I was like “Oh ... did I write that? Yeah, sounds like something I’d have someone say to Kankuro ...” 

It might be easier to talk about this in other terms. One of the scenes I worked the hardest on this year was the fight scene in Chapter 3 of Skeleton Key. The original draft of the scene was a lot shorter, and a lot of the backstory for Misaki’s revenge quest was elided. The scene as originally written was clunky, confusing, and as my lovely wife/beta put it sounded “like a Naruto villain” was doing the dialogue, when previously she’d found Misaki sinister and intriguing. Which wasn’t what I wanted. I basically entirely overhauled the scene and re-wrote it several times. I wouldn’t call it a ‘favorite’ scene (I hate writing fight scenes generally; having chosen to immerse myself in a fandom about ninja where much of the drama comes from battle is my eternal regret), but it is a scene that I put a lot of effort into, and I’m moderately satisfied with the improved product that resulted.  

6. least popular fic this year

By far my least popular fic by kudos ever is Pitch Perfect. Which makes complete sense to me. It’s a fic where I’ve written 2 characters who are men in canon as cis women, which pushes a lot of uncomfortable buttons for a lot of people. It contains F/F smut, which is something that a lot of people who choose to read GaaLee probably aren’t out there looking for. And people comment and kudos less on smutfics, I assume because they don’t want their username attached to porn or because they’re embarrassed (which I totally get, no shame there). It’s a modern AU with a sports twist, and AUs are often less popular than canonverse in my experience. I will say though that it has a surprisingly high number of private bookmarks compared to other fics with comparable hit and kudos counts. So I assume people are just a bit more shy because the premise is so ‘out there’. I will say as far as my fics go, it’s one of my personal favorites and probably one of the most intimate and true-to-life things I’ve written? So it actually is a little comforting to know that something so vulnerable has relatively little attention. 

9. longest wip of the year

If we’re going based on stuff that’s partially published but not complete, my Gaara-adopts-Shinki fic On My Way Home is my longest in-progress fic at just over 20k words, although technically I started it in 2019. It will probably end up being right around 40-50k when it’s complete, which might end up situating it as my longest fic ever? 

12. favorite character to write about this year

Okay, this is an easy one. I love writing Kankuro. I think he is hilarious. He is the devil on my shoulder and a creature of pure id, and every time I write a line of dialogue for him it’s the summation of my rudest thoughts about a situation put in the crudest possible terms. If there were a megaphone directly from my unfiltered brain giving running commentary, that would be Kankuro.

15. something you learned this year

I have learned SO much this year! This is only my 2nd year properly ‘focusing’ on writing fic and investing any substantial time into it. I think the biggest thing I have learned, though, is how to overcome a lot of my self-consciousness about writing stories with NSFW elements in them. Starting out, I was so extremely shy and mortified about writing fic at all, much less things like hugging or (god forbid!) kissing. So taking on the smut prompts I took this year and really buckling down on learning to write the mechanics and emotions of sex has been a massive learning experience. (And sorry, by the way, if I haven’t gotten to a prompt you sent me in January yet. I do intend to write all of them eventually!) 

18. current number of WIPs

Ah. The call-out question. My general fic process is idea -> outline -> wip -> edit -> ready to post (where the final draft sits in my docs until I gin up the courage to actually post it). So skipping fics that are just “ideas” on the big mega-list, I have 3 fics in the “outline” stage, 13 fics in the partially written “wip” stage, 1 fic in the “editing” stage, and 2 that are complete but yet-to-be-posted. So, like, 19 total in the offing. (The “ideas” list is even worse lol.)

21. most memorable comment/review

This is such a difficult question because every single comment I get makes me do a little dance for joy. That’s not an exaggeration btw I really sit there and like bounce around in my seat for a moment before I open the Ao3 email. I am not an especially emotive person irl, but there have been times I’ve been brought near tears by comments. I’ll also occasionally show them to my wife like !! look at this nice thing this person said !! and she’s indulgent enough to actually read them. There have been a couple comments that have really stuck with me, that I starred in my inbox and return to frequently, but I don’t want to bring attention to someone else without their permission. I will say there was one person recently who mentioned (not in the comments on one of my fics) that they had found someone who does physical binding of fanfiction and they were about to ask my permission to do that, but then the person who does the binding only does certain ships that she likes ... so that, just, absolutely floored me. The idea that someone might actual want a physical copy of my stupid little ninja fanfictions is, like, so truly immense and completely overwhelming?

24. favorite fic you read this year

You can’t make me pick just one!! (For reference, I have bookmarked right around 180 fics in the past year, and that’s not including fics that I just read, really enjoyed, but didn’t think I could ‘handle’ a second time around.) So, skipping over the ones that AREN’T Naruto ... here is a brief sampling of some faves:

Silica by deepestbluest (rated E, GaaLee, ShikaTema, and Kankiba) - An absolute emotional powerhouse of a fic that manages to skillfully interweave three complex relationship dynamics, satisfactorily resolve them, and give you ALL the sandsibs feels in just over 10k words. 

Childhood Not-Friends (series) by MegaWallflower (rated G, KakaGai) - @megawallflower is a KakaGai god for good reason. Absolutely adorable relationship development fics (five of them!) with the premise that Kakashi thinks he and Gai have been dating since they were kids ... Gai just hasn’t been clued into it yet. These stories will give you heart-eyes.

The Bright Side by gidget_goes (rated T, GaaLee) - This is the Buffy AU I never knew I needed, because I’ve never seen Buffy the Vampire Slayer. But truly you don’t need any Buffy knowledge to enjoy this fic. @gidget-goes command of imagery is masterful, and the way they manage to snap from snark to tugging at your heartstrings is awe-inspiring. Gaara breaks my heart in this. And did I mention Kankuro wears a 10-gallon hat? Because Kankuro wears a 10-gallon hat. 

Nature vs. Nurture by Bidiza (rated T, GaaLee) - So introspective and so poetic. This looks like a WIP but it’s actually multiple oneshots, although by the end of the second one you’ll be dying for the rest of the promised series. 

I’m a Fool to Want You by BeelieveRosemarie (rated M, GaaLee) - Turns out @tuttiefruttiegaalee isn’t just an amazing artist, they’re a writer, too! Slow-dancing that will break your heart. Listen to the Frank Sinatra song while you read this for extra tear-jerking effect.

Let Love be Known (series) by TenTomatoes (rated G, GaaLee) - This is the twist on the arranged marriage trope and Beauty and the Beast that I didn’t realize this fandom was missing. I’m absolutely obsessed with their concept of Gaara as the Beast

I Could Be by LilacNoctua (rated T, GaaLee) - I know I big up @lilac-writes Worthwhile series a lot (deservedly so, because it’s so good it makes you look at the series and go “Why the fuck didn’t Kishimoto make this canon exactly like this?”), but this story made me absolutely die between the butterflies in my stomach and how hard I was laughing. There’s one line--you’ll know it when you read it--that absolutely bowls me over every time I re-read this. 

And Then Continue by EgregiousDerp (rated E, GaaLee) - Obviously I’m biased because this was a gift, but @egregiousderp writes some of the the best characterized porn I’ve ever read. You will read this and go “Wow! This is exactly how it would happen!” It’s such a tender, beautiful exploration of Gaara’s insecurities and a very real feeling first time, for all its soft edges. 

Cake by citronelle (rated E, KanKiba) - I don’t even know what to say about this one other than ... phew, this is extremely well written, extremely hot, and extremely in character. Just read it. I promise it’s worth it. 

Saudade by YumKiwiDelicious (rated M, GaaLee) - I’ve run around reccing this to just about every person on the face of the earth at this point. If you’re in the GaaLee Discord you probably saw everyone salivating over every new update of this fic and with good reason. The twists and turns of this fic will have you on the edge of your seat, second guessing every single moment. And it will break your heart in the meantime. What more could you want?

the love potion commotion by floating_cats (rated T, NejiSasu with background GaaLee) - One of those fics where you wish the author’s sense of humor was your own. So many hilarious moments in this story, and it brought me a new appreciation for a ship I never would have even considered. 

Finger Lickin’ Good by whazzername (rated E, GaaLee) - Whazz is another one of those authors where I literally want to rec every single thing she’s ever written, she’s just that good. (Speaking of which, if you haven’t read Fools Rush In and its sequel Degrees of Separation, you’re missing out on the best possible Metal origin story of all time. Don’t deprive yourself of this.) But this story is just ... so incredibly in character for a situation that reads like crack. It’s handled with the utmost straight-facedness and it’s so. freakin’. good. 

heart lines by winterberry_holly (rated M, NejiTen and GaaLee) - I don’t even have the words to describe how perfect this fic is. It’s a truly beautiful exploration of Tenten’s relationship with her palmistry hobby and with the people in her life. My heart ached with every single line. 

Standing on Ceremony by kuroashi (rated E, GaaLee) - This is just ... such a beautiful wedding story. So lovely, like getting the best possible warm hug from someone you love. If that love one was slightly strange and socially inept, because, well. It’s still Gaara doing Gaara-things. @baphometsss is another one of those authors whose handling of smut scenes is so stupendous it makes me wildly jealous. 

Thrall by RokiRiot (rated T, GaaLee) - Idiots-to-lovers with a magic AU twist! This is such a wonderful story, and Gaara’s internal monologue is absolutely amazing. And Lee is Deaf in this fic, which I never ever get to see and which absolutely made my entire day/week/month/life. 

Make-Out Consequences by LuxaLucifer (rated M, KakaGai with background canon Boruto ships) - I laughed so hard reading this that I had to take a breather to stop crying. That’s not an exaggeration. The characterization in this fic is impeccable and the humor is to die for. Naruto’s buffoonery truly shines here, and the author’s wit is just beyond anything I could even properly summarize. Hysterical. A++. 

Thirteen Strokes by Luna_Lee (rated T, GaaLee) - Again, like, if you aren’t reading literally everything @sagemoderocklee writes, are you even really a GaaLee fan? But this fic is beyond even for one of Eeri’s incredibly excellent writings. The worldbuilding in this, the cultural notes, the imagery ... it’s all so lush and so fulfilling and so beautiful. It’s a story about love and it’s a story that you can tell has love poured into every single line. I can’t recommend it enough. 

Checkmate by shadowstrangle (rated G, GaaLee) - The pettiness vibes ... this is so funny. Such a cute story and I love Gaara’s sense of humor here. Not a lot of writers give him a sense of humor, but I love how @shadowstrangle gives him a slightly odd, slightly left-of-center take on humor that still manages to be so funny. 

To Court a Village by FanFictionEngineer (rated G, GaaLee) - Another one where my bias is perhaps slightly obvious, but the premise of this fic is amazing. I love cultural misunderstandings, and the idea of Lee trying his hardest to court Gaara ineptly is just so perfect. 

affliction of feeling by theformerone (rated E, SakuHina) - One of those ships that it would never have occurred to me to seek out but that absolutely works with how the author’s set it up. The dynamics here are delicious. It’s so rare to find good F/F porn but this is one of them for sure. 

Tried and Tested by twentysomething (Rated M, KakaIru with background canon Boruto ships and GaaLee) - Iruka’s narration in this story is just incredible. I haven’t laughed this hard reading a fic in ages. And the concept alone (that Naruto can’t be promoted to Hokage until he passes his chuunin exams ... as an adult ... and Sasuke gets dragged along for the ride) is just brilliant. Amazing concept, amazingly executed. 

a fireside waltz by winterberry_holly (rated M, GaaLee) - I really tried not to rec a single author more than once here but for this one I had to. I got about halfway through this fic and immediately started running around ringing the town crier bell like READ THIS FIC! READ THIS FIC! An absolutely smoldering Regency AU with such beautiful, intimate dance scenes. My heart was racing every single time their fingers brushed. If you don’t read anything else on this list, at the very least read this. 

27. favorite fanfic author of the year

I really can’t pick just one. I am lucky enough that @egregiousderp passes me her drafts under the table before (or without) publishing, and getting to read those is a private treat of unparalleled proportions. Some of my favorite things I’ve read this year I can’t even rec because they’re her unpublished stuff. 

30. favorite fandom to read fic from this year

This is gonna come off strange because I just wrote such a long Naruto reclist, but I recently watched What We Do in the Shadows, and found an incredibly talented group of authors in that fandom with really amazingly good dialogue and narrative voice. I also read a lot of fic for the new It movies (even though I couldn’t watch the 2nd one for ~reasons~), and damn if there isn’t a talented crop of authors in that fandom, too. And finally with ATLA making its way onto Netflix, I had the chance to start watching that for the first time and found a ton of really good fic there as well! 

fanfic end of the year asks!

[fuzziemutt]

What’s a Family to the One Free Man ?

Summary: With some time to rest, Gordon's mind starts to wander. And he realizes that the scene before him is lacking some people... Tw: Dissociation, Panic attacks (please actually make sure the person having a panic attack is okay with being touched prior to doing so btw), This is hurt without true comfort (Gordon has bad coping mechanisms) Notes: This is based on my own post talking about how if Gordon does have a canon niece/nephew then he has a sibling as well and they've been MIA since the Black Mesa incident... (I can’t place this on a timeline exactly, it’s probs breaking canon hl lore timeline but I don’t care, it’s after stasis tho), no ships everything is platonic

Also: Yes I am using John, his wife and his kid Henry in a serious sense here because I didn’t want to create a whole new character for this angst,,, (and again typing this in one go, no edits, lets goooooo) (also also: Gordon is selectively mute based on my experiences) 

----

They had just gotten back from a quick scavenging mission that brought back a couple pieces of old clothes, tech scraps, and health kits along with a couple more bruises and scratches. It wasn’t anything Gordon couldn’t handle at this point; He was just glad to be able to sit down finally especially as his knees were starting to act up again. 

As he slumped himself into a nearby chair, he watched the rag tag team consisting of Eli, Alyx, Issac, Judith and Barney theatrically retell about the “adventure” they just had mere moments ago. Eli, Izzy and Judith had stayed behind while him and the others practically ran around like a bunch of chickens with their heads cut off if the teasing smile on Eli’s face had anything to say about what they saw from the home base. It almost felt quite homey here honestly with the way they joked as if they were a true family and not a group of people constantly fighting for their lives. 

Gordon wasn’t sure what it was exactly that caused it, it honestly could have just been from being tired, but as he watched Alyx and Barney bicker about who dropped the important gizmo she wanted, he slowly felt his consciousness take a step back from the action in front of him. He wanted to take part in the jokes a bit but he couldn’t help how clouded his head seemed to feel watching the two play fight. Something about the scene in front of him was trying to catch on something in the deep recess of his brain. 

He watched through sudden fog, body practically one with the chair underneath him as something finally caught. He was suddenly bombarded with memories and reminders of three specific people that he should have thought about already that he even felt a stab of guilt for forgetting about them for so long.

John, Iliza and Henry Freeman.

Oh god’s resounded in his head as it filled with memories of bickering and play fighting with his older brother not too long ago. And that was the kicker wasn’t it ? It honestly wasn’t too long ago for him. Just a couple weeks ago he was saying bye to his brother on the phone with the sounds of a small toddler babbling his own goodbyes too. 

John had been picking on him for not having visited since his son’s 2nd birthday and for spending too much time working on “boring” “nerd” stuff. Gordon had even actually mentally agreed, a rare moment for him truly, as he decided to talk to his boss about getting some vacation time after the big test the next day to surprise his brother with a visit. He had been practically dancing at the idea of seeing John and his family again after being away for god knows how long.

That was just a couple weeks ago.. he promised to talk to him tomorrow just before he hung up.. That was just 20 years ago now...

20 years.. since he last spoke to his brother.. John and Ili would be in their 50s.. Little Henry in his 20s...

That was if they even survived. 

His breath cut short and his throat squeezed. 

If they survived.

IF. 

Distantly he felt his increasingly strangled pants, the feeling of liquid slide down his cheeks, but he was too far from his head to realize what was happening. He just watched from the ceiling, detached and afraid as his body trembled and reacted to this recovered information. 

How could he have forgotten John, Ili and their kid ? The very kid he made sure to get a day off to visit as soon as possible after the kid was born and at his new home. The very kid John would jokingly tell not to end up as nerdy as his uncle “Gordie”. The very kid who loved playing with his ponytail not a rat tail and was even growing his hair out for due to it. The very kid he swore to protect and always be there for even if the world ended. 

His brother who he’d spend long nights talking nonsense to no matter how young or old or even far away they were. The brother who accepted him when their parents didn’t. The one who used his actual name for the first time without hesitation. The brother that despite his tough guy act and motorcycles, helped him feel safe even in public.

His sister-in-law who would always smile and clap excitedly whenever he got to visit. The sister who would go with him to stores, if John was busy, so he wouldn’t feel so scared and all alone. The sister who was patient with him and how he still sometimes struggled to speak to her even after so much time being part of his family. The sister who created such lovely paintings in her spare time.

And they were gone. 

He didn’t have a clue where they could even possibly be now. If they were alive, could they have come to City 17 ? Were there other cities nearby they could be in ? Could they have managed to escape all those years ago ? So much have changed in the span of 20 years, would they even be the same ? Would John resent him for having disappeared so long ago even if he didn’t choose to ? Would Ili look upon him in disappointment for abandoning them ? Would Henry not even care to recognize his forgotten uncle that cared about him too long ago ?

He didn’t even get to say a proper goodbye...

His head raced with so many unanswered questions, guilt and hopelessness. His family, even if it wasn’t arguably much, was gone and there was nothing he could have done about it. The choices were made for him. 

He had no control.

At some point, he began to notice the feelings of hands on him, someone was mumbling words he couldn’t decipher at all. Suddenly his hands were pressed against another’s chest he was guessing as his senses began to slowly sludge their way back into focus. He tried copying the gentle rising and falling he could acknowledge; his struggling breath slowly following suit as best it could. 

It took what felt like minutes to possibly hours until the feeling of detachment began to subside, the nonsensical words now beginning to register as what they were meant to be. It was mostly someone counting and saying some encouraging phrases. Something must have changed on his face, however, as the voice was now asking him to list what he could see, hear, feel and smell. 

He knew he wouldn’t be able to force himself to speak in such a state, he also hasn’t been able to feel safe enough to do so since that call with John anyways, and with his shaking hands still firmly to the other’s chest, he couldn’t even attempt to sign what was asked of him. So he just began mentally listing as things came to an off-tilted focus. 

He can see his hands, Barney’s hands, Barney’s face, his hetero-chromatic eyes, the scar on his left cheek.

He can hear his words encouraging him, the gentle humming of electronics, the fans of the ac system kicking on, the soft worried murmurs amongst the people behind Barney.

He can feel Barney’s hands around his, the gentle rising and falling of Barney’s chest, the sticky feeling of tears on his own face. 

He could smell the distant stench of rot, the smell of something that was burnt long ago. 

His name was Gordon Freeman, he was 27 years old and he was safe and what was happening was real. Everything was here. Everything was now.

When it seemed Barney was satisfied enough with Gordon’s awareness, he slowly let go of Gordon’s hands and placed them back on his lap. 

“Hey... you with us, bud ?” Barney whispered just barely enough to be heard which Gordon was thankful for as he didn’t think he could take any sudden noises especially with the now present dull thudding behind his eyes. 

All he could do was to slightly nod, forcing his tense muscles to relax before he snapped something. It was then, now that he was forced to be present, that he realized that everyone was in a loose circle around his chair, all with concerned faces. The others weren’t as close as Barney, seemingly to give some semblance of space, but he couldn’t help but feel they were actively holding themselves back from pouncing on him any second. Possibly to even question him as to why he suddenly decided a cry session and panic attack were the best courses of action at the time. 

It was too much, seeing them stare into him almost so hungrily, so filled with pity. He knew they meant well, but he couldn’t do this right now. Not when they were still fighting the revolution. Not when they still needed him to be strong. Not when he was the legendary, resistance “badass” Gordon Freeman who single-handedly killed the Nihilanth arguably a couple weeks 20 years ago.

He stood up, not making any eye contact and shakily signed what he hoped was an apology and him saying how he was going to check on the antlions, but he wasn’t so sure what he was saying or getting across and honestly he didn’t quite much care. Before anyone could object, he quickly weaseled his way between a gap in the circle and sped walked like there was no tomorrow with no further comment. 

When he was alone finally he could go about repressing it all again, his brother, the time gap, his panic and guilt, it all needed to go and needed to go now. He wasn’t going to let those possible deaths hold him back especially with all the blood already staining his hands. It didn’t matter. They needed strong, capable leader Gordon Freeman whether he liked it or not.

What’s a family to the One Free Man anyways ?

[redshirtgal]

Carey Foster was the subject of an earlier Redshirt article.  In case you do not remember, she was the tall young lady in “The Alternate Factor” who grabbed a cup of coffee and sat down with Charlene Masters in the recreation room. In the article we revealed that her real name is Emmy Lou Crawford and that she has appeared on a number of other TV shows and movies. If you need to refresh your memory, the link is below.

However, since that article appeared, we have chatted with Emmy Lou Crawford herself and learned some fascinating new information. So hang in there please while we give you an update on what we missed the first time. And we have saved a very special surprise for the end. 

(https://www.facebook.com/talesoftheunknownredshirt/posts/228037360560149)

Once I posted the article, it caught the attention of  her daughter, Mary Crawford Wilson, who then asked her mother to comment on various photos. This was a pleasant first for me - an actor who had appeared on several TOS episodes being willing to interact with me and the other readers. During this interchange, we learned that Emmy Lou Crawford would have been in The Cage if her scene hadn’t been deleted. As luck would have it, the pieces of film not being used were cut up into separate pieces and sold separately. However, when a reader posted this photo of Gene Roddenberry standing beside one of the serving girls, Emmy Lou confirmed the girl with him was indeed her. But this was not her first time working with Gene Roddenberry.

In fact, her parents were neighbors and good friends of Gene and Eileen Roddenberry during the time he worked for the LAPD and began his career as a television writer.  Emmy Lou grew up regarding him as an uncle. When she was embarking on her Hollywood career, Gene gave her advice about how to avoid the unpleasant situations actresses could find themselves in. He made a special point to watch out for her when he could. One of Gene’s first writing jobs was for a pilot named 333 Montgomery Street, which was based on the life of famous lawyer Jake Erlich. Gene also asked Jake himself to keep an eye out for Emmy Lou. (btw, even tho Gene’s pilot did not sell,  it was shown on Alcoa Theater as a single episode). And of course, we know she acted on three episodes of another show he created and wrote for, The Lieutenant, in addition to her appearances on his new show, Star Trek.

But even though Gene may have watched out for the young actress, Emmy Lou Crawford began to land jobs based solely on her talent. In the first article, I mentioned she did appear as a dancer on the Dean Martin shows. But she told us that she also danced on many other shows such as Andy Williams, a Jimmy Durante Special, the Here’s Lucy show for Lucille Ball, and for the Hollywood Palace (just to mention a few). When Lucille Ball’s assistant choreographer Anita Mann was out, Emmy Lou stepped in. She definitely had made a career for herself in Hollywood.

One sweet memory Emmy Lou Crawford has is from just before her first appearance on the Dean Martin Show. She saw Bette Davis was near her behind the curtain and blurted out she was so nervous. Bette confessed to Emmy Lou that she was quite nervous as well. Emmy Lou always thought it was kind of her to make her feel not so alone.

From her work, Emmy Lou began making some friends whom she enjoyed spending time with. Two of those new friends were Terri Garr and Toni Basil. As dancers, they often would be part of the same show.  One of those would be Pajama Party, which was mentioned in the previous article. Emmy Lou remarked that the three of them even lived together for a while. They were also  featured in a book of photography done by Dennis Hopper titled “Photography 1961- 67.”  Emmy Lou Crawford and Terri Garr are on the right, next to the man in the center. Can you find where Toni Basil is?  I noted in the first article that Emmy Lou appeared in Kissin’ Cousins, one of the many popular Elvis Presley movies. What you may not know is, she confided she also got to date him. 

Now, this is the best part. Long story short, I remembered that David Tilotta and Curt McAloney’s book Star Trek: Lost Scenes had a section on the deleted scenes from “The Cage.”  Lo and behold, on pages 134 and 135, there were six various photos that showed all three serving girls. And two of them had a young lady who definitely resembled the serving girl standing next to Gene Roddenberry in that publicity photo. David & Curt graciously gave me permission to share the one above and when I sent it to Emmy Lou Crawford, she was totally amazed and thrilled. The girl on the left is definitely her, she confirmed.  I have to express my appreciation to both Emmy Lou Crawford and her daughter, Mary Crawford Wilson, for being so willing to chat with me over several days. It meant a lot to me, because I don’t often get to talk to the subjects of my articles. They were most gracious and Emmy Lou was especially generous with her stories and her time.  And of course, I must give thanks to both David Tilotta and Curt McAhoney for always being willing to take their valuable time to format their photos for this article and several others. If you haven’t bought their book, I highly recommend it. So many film clips are just now coming to light and people like David and Curt are doing wonderful work in restoring and publishing a side of Trek that few have gotten to see.

One more thing. Emmy Lou Crawford is being interviewed for Star Trek Magazine today, and I am thrilled her contributions to Star Trek are finally being recognized. I am sure it will be an interesting article and hope to let you know when it comes out in print. 

[lockdownuk]

Lockdown Diary Part 4

A personal account during the lockdown in the UK due to the Covid-19 outbreak.

23/03/2020 8:30pm Boris Johnson, UK Prime Minister, gives a live address to the nation to, effectively, put the country on lockdown to stem the spread of the deadly coronavirus strain, Covid-19.

Many of us have been self-isolating for days but this latest development within the UK in reaction to the pandemic feels very serious and very scary. I decided to keep a simple diary and where better but online.

Day91: I can’t post photos to the sister photo diary and it’s fucking me off. Using this as a place holder- last successful pic was 21/06/2020.

Day 92: Still awaiting Tumblr re: day 91′s entry. Meanwhile looking at other blog/diary sites. Very warm today, like it was throughout May. Boris announced a further relaxation in lockdown measures which includes reducing the 2m distancing instruction which paves the way for pubs, restaurants and other places to open on 4th  . It looks like the Ship will open 6th July, George on the 4th. I await to see the measures put in place before deciding whther it’s a goer.

Day93: Typing on day 94 - I received an email from Deryn from RCI HR concerning placement online module attendance, thanking me for my participation. I was somewhat confused. Was this a mistake or was I erroneously not icluded in the initial communications? I fired off an email to HR and WhatsApp’d Jim. He replied that I should take it up with HR.

I am worried by this. Furlough ends this week and I know not what the fuck is going on.

Day 94: Had a few beers last night, ‘cos I was feeling deflated over work. Finished Homecoming S2, which was very good, and cancelled Amazon Prime before the free trial ends tomorrow. Got up @midday but haven’t done jack shit today as my right ankle is playing up - it was twinging last night - apart from press ups. No word back from RCI but there was a notification that the email from Deryn was attempted to be recalled. Had a spat in Co-Op wth two lads who were ignoring the one way system and social-distancing. It makes my blood boil and I had to say something which ended up making my blood boil even more…especially as one of them asked me to ‘crack on’. It’s a pretty cool response actually, since I had them bang to rights but, at the time, I thought I was going to bust a blood vessel. I walked away having told him to not speak to me like that again and that he was a fucking arsehole! Didn’t make me feel any better though. Fog’s chatting later so I’m going to have a few beers right now (just gone 8pm) - I feel like throwing caution to the wind for some reason (probably work more than anything else).

Day 95: Typing on Day 96. I had a lot of beers with Fog the night before last and felt like shit all day yesterday. Still managed to drag myself up to Foggy’s and have socially distanced beers in his garden with Noel and Lord Irish of Michael.

Day 96: Feeling like shit. Third day of no walking ‘cos my ankle is a little sore although I did walk back from Foggy’s last night.

Day 97: Two walks and my usual stair climb today. Felt good to get back to routine. Plus, no booze yesterday, even tho’ it was a Saturday, feel better for it. I heard from Sue Cockings from HR on Friday, btw, still furloughed until further notice.

Day 98: I discovered, yesterday, that today is actually day 99 of lockdown since it actually begun on the Sunday evening that Boris Johnson announced the measures being in place - I mistakenly thought it began on the Monday. Tumblr still haven’t got back to me regarding reviewing why this blog is deemed ‘sensitive’ and I can’t add any more pics. While I am typing, Northampton are beating Exeter 0-2 at Wembley in the L2 play-off final. It’s funny that their fans can’t be there to see it. Football, in general, on its return after lockdown, without fans in attendance, is shit - like watching women’s football - too many empty seats.

Day 100: I have decided to number the days correctly (See prev’ entry). It’s a good time as I had to export , delete and recreate this blog on Tumblr since they have been non-forthcoming in my request for info as to why they deemed it ‘sensitive’. So, this is a restart, altrough seemless to the reader. On top of all that, I am writing this on Day 101! After restarting the blog diary I forgot to add the day’s entry! Bumped into Roger on my second walk, at the top of Basset Ford Place. We chatted for an hour or so. It was really good to see him and talk. We’ve made a promise to interact more...it seems both he and I allow ourselves to get down in the dumps (easy in self-isolation) and, as such, we shall try to reach out as and when. He suggested a walk together every now and then.

Day 101: I heard back from a charitable services company that Barry Haddon (who, coincidentally, I spoke with today) told me about (Auriga)and answered their email questions. BNarry rates them and told me they got him some decent results like he no longer has to pay Council Tax. I tweeted Chris Hawkes on Radio 6 this morning...he was asking for examples of sames names (’cos he had Dave Gorman on) so I told him about The Redlion and the ad the ‘other’ Tim put in the ET. He read it out! I created a photo album of 101 pics I’ve taken in lockdown and put it on FB including the Oundle Chatter group. The comments were great. My right eyesight is worrying, I cannot make out close up detail i.e. reading is blurred. I am going to start doing 10 press ups after each exercise i.e. three times a day. I decided that during my second walk so today I’ve done 20. Lastly, I have new neighbours I do believe. Hmmm.

Day 102: Emailed dad and Rita to have a rant about what dad thought of the Leicester lockdown and to share a link to my 101 photo album. Had a long Messenger chat with Rog.

Day 103: Typing this on day 104. Dad called when I was out ona  walk so we skyped when I got back. He looks really well! Advided me on how to cutt some branches that are hanging low (I asked him in the email yesterday). I then borrowed a saw, secateurs and green bin from Karen. I walked a long way today. My second walk was 9km.I then had loads of beers! The Co-Op car park seems to be the venue for youngsters to hang out. I was gone 2am before they finished partying. I (re)watched Steve Jobs. Wow....just wow. What a film and what a man!

Day 104: It was gone 1:30pm when I got up feeling the worse for wear. A chilli, chorizo and cheese omelette really sorted me out but no beer tonight. How my Saturday frame of mind has changed from just a few years ago. Elliot and Camilla dropped off a jar of japaenos (that Mil had WhatsApp’d me about) and, among other things, we chatted about a photo Tracie Garrett circulated featuring Ell, me her and a few others who met up to have a drink at The Haycock for Ron Gambling. In it was Cath and someone called Ross (who I don’t remember) who have both passed since the pic (July ‘99). I feel strangely saddened by it all. The pic itself is such a reminder of days past - it conjours up shit loads of different feelings.

Day 105: A few beers again last night so another late one (5ish) but up before noon. Finished watching a series called Condor. Pretty good - bit of a messy ending that is the norm with telly nowadays in that it is a little bit of a cliffhanger.

Day 106: The Ship reopened today. I left a nice message on the Virtual Pub group page wishing them the best plus said thanks to Rach. I think it will be the end of the laugh we’ve had on the virtual site now. I expect to go through a bit of a miserabel time with people now venturing out down the pubs.We were once all united in lockdown - that will no longer be the case. Met Rog for a walk - did over 7km oncluding through Barnwell Picnic Park - I don’t remember it being that pretty. defo going to go there again. Got an email from RCI asking for all furlough workers to join a Zoom meeting tomorrow with Paul (MD) and Deryn (HR). Ominous! Went shopping in Asda and Farm Foods. £100 with NO BOOZE!

Day 107: The zoom call today didn’t tell me much other than we are being furloughed still, until further notice. It was susggested that we have a zoom meeting every 2 weeks and that RCI recognise we’ve be left out in the cold somewhat. I appreciate that very much.There were 30 of us on the call plus Paul and Deryn were in the office since they had to make peopel redundant today. Mark was in the office earlier to take receivership of the IT kits from those that left.

Day 108: I am well on the way to doing 1,000,000 steps in theree months (July, August & September) but at what cost. I’ve done well over 11,000 steps each day in July (actually, a lot of days in June as well) apart from one (8k) and I am feeling it. My right leg/ankle is sore! Day 109: I had another mention by Chris Hawkins on Radio 6. He asked for Brian May moments - apparently when he met Brian May he was so starstruck that all he could say was ‘thank you for the music’. I tweeted my story of telling Felicity Kendall to have a good life. Today, both my walks have resulted in me getting fucking soaked. Hanna S2 is on Amazon Prime. Time for yet another free trial (number 4 or 5).

Day 110: I have walked 144,448 steps in 10 days, well on the way to a million steps in three months. The Heist of the Century - an Argentinian film based on true events - watched it last night (well, over two nights, actually). A real life Ocean’s Eleven (but with 6). Brilliant film, brilliat story. I had issues signing up to another Amazon Prime free trial last night so I set up another gmail a/c just now and I think I’m in. I used Danny’s Gmail (which I created over 15 years ago!) and it didn’t like it - I think I must have used it before. I reckon I have probably had loads more free trials than I care to remember. Anyway, off to watch me some Hanna!

Day 111: Very tired as I type. Bed at around 5am, up at 13:30, normal exercises, cleaning kitchen cupbaords and I’m done in. It’s 10:30pm now, just cracked open a beer and about to watch a new Netflix film “The Old Guard”. I would continue with Hanna but Amazon Prime keeps fucking erroring. I will try to go to bed before it gets light (which seems to be my w/e norm nowadays!

Day 112: I have got into the habit of eating dinner far too late. It’s 10:30pm as I type and I am just about to have something eat. I’m not sure why I feel it’s wrong to eat so late but I do, I shall be trying to address it. Late night again last night (gone 4:30am) so today was a lazy day. Only on ewalk but it was 10km and I get up the above 11,000 steps needed for the 1m challenge. My stair climb, at around 9pm, fucking killed.

Day 113: Boring Monday.

Finished watching The Old Guard on Netflix. A Highlander-esque affair with Charlize Theron kicking ass like she did in Atomic Blonde. It was OK. Haven’t manage to lick the late night eating. It’s 10:05pm and tea’s still cooking.

Day 114: I have been looking at planning persmissions on the ENDC site for questions posed on the Oundle Chatter group on FB. There’s going to be two sites with 130 new houses on each and it’s causing concern. And so it should - the planning docs are very revealing. Objections are dismissed in such an off-hand way. It’s really quite insulting. I was awfully down today, during my first walk. I mean, really despondant (too difficult to describe here), which is a lower version of the norm - it’s been a good couple of weeks since anyone’s even asked how I am! A week since that post on my main blog. But, I powered through and am back to the usual depth! I ate at @9:30 pm tonight. Told ya!

Day 115: I am typing this on Day 116 - I ended up hainga  couple of beers last night and forgot to post. I had the most ridiculous toing and froing on FB and Messenger with Rachel (Harris) - it was piss funny. She is the first person in days, actually weeks, who has asked how I am! I watched ep3 of Hanna S2. Absolutely superb. She kills Marissa! Did not see that fucker coming...mind blown! Day 116: I have finally finished the thorough clean of the kitchen. Fucking drama. I am typing at just gone 10pm, about to eat (curry I made yesterday). It’s been a strange day, timings wise, last night’s drinking meant I wasn’t up until just gone noon which obviously didn’t help. I had a call from DSM group - I applied for an IT tech role, they want to see me tomorrow (Friday) for an interview (in Sibson). Interesting! (Although the contact, Helen, hasn’t sent the promised email!)

Day 117: Despite not getting a confirmation email, I attended the interview at DSM. It went OK (I was there for 90 mins). I went booze shopping in Tesco’s afterwards. Spoke to dad today also - he and Rita are well, as usual! I am feeling really knackered and achy today. I do hope it’s not anything to worry about.

Day 118: Up at 1pm. 9.79 km walk. Cooking meatballs, drinking beer, listening to The Blaze about to watch Deepwater Horizon. All good today!

Day 119: Similar to yesterday, up late, bloody long walk, watching Saving Private Ryan (which I started last night).

Day 120: Typing on day 121. Received an email from someone that works at the BBC for Shaun Keaveny’s show - they want me to do small claims court on August 5th. I’m becoming obsessed with getting my steps in - my second walk was extended to round Barnwell Country Park - over 17.5k steps - not the most I’ve done in one day but, for example, most in one day last month (June) was 14.7k. More importantly, I am finding that I can walk further (and for longer) and not have a hypo; not a great deal further, but over an hour.