#these fish were just like carp and shit

[magixfairyix]

Iarcy Incorrect Quotes

Cause if a ship between Darcy and my OC (Iorda) gives me serotonin then so be it, I love these two.

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Aisha: When I said you should try being friendlier this isn't what I meant.

Darcy, stirring a cup of tea aggressively: Oh, so now I'm TOO friendly? There's no pleasing you.

Iorda, who broke into their house an hour ago: Two sugars please.

Darcy: Coming right up.

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*Iorda teaching Stormy to drive and taking Darcy along for the ride*

Iorda: That's a pothole. To the left!

Stormy: Take it back now y'all *Drives into pothole*

Darcy, sticking their face into the front over the center console: Cha Cha real smooth.

Stormy: I don't think that's how the song goes.

Iorda, crying and gripping the handle: Please just take me home.

Stormy: Country Roads.

Darcy: To the place.

Stormy and Darcy in unison: I Belong!

Iorda, crying harder: What the fuck?

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Iorda: *Stands in the trash can.* 

Darcy: Iorda, not again! You're not trash, you're at least recycling!

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Darcy, holding a kettle: Coffee or tea? 

Iorda: Tea. 

Darcy: Wrong. It's coffee.

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Iorda: There. How do I look? 

Darcy: Like a cheap French harlot. 

Iorda: French?!

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Iorda: Hey, random question, what are your favorite flowers? 

Darcy: Peonies, why? 

Iorda: 

Darcy: Were you going to get me flowers? 

Iorda: 

Darcy: 

Iorda: ᶦᵗ’ˢ ᵃ ᵖᵒˢˢᶦᵇᶦˡᶦᵗʸ

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Darcy: I love you.

Iorda, not paying attention: What was that?

Darcy: I said I’m selling you to the zOo-

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Darcy: What situation is not instantly improved by the addition of fishnets, I ask you.

Iorda: Being a fish.

Darcy: Well, shit.

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Darcy: I can’t do this, it’s against my moral compass.

Iorda: YOUR MORAL COMPASS IS A ROULETTE WHEEL!

Darcy: …Your point?

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Darcy: *is throwing stones at Iorda's window* 

Iorda: You have a phone for a reason, Darcy! 

*THUD* 

Iorda: DID YOU JUST THROW YOUR PHONE AT MY WINDOW?!

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Darcy: I made tea. 

Iorda: I don't want tea. 

Darcy: I didn't make you tea. This is my tea. 

Iorda: Then why did you tell me? 

Darcy: It's a conversation starter. 

Iorda: It's a horrible conversation starter. 

Darcy: Oh, is it? We're conversing. Checkmate.

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Darcy: Hey I got you food, pick a number between 1 and 10. 

Iorda: Uh 4? 

Darcy: Wrong, no food for you. 

Iorda: Wait what?! WHY?! DARCY PLEASE—!

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Iorda walking into the kitchen and seeing all their limes peeled: Darcy, I love you but, what the h-e-double FUCK. 

Darcy, sipping coffee happily: I love you too :)

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Darcy: Goodnight to the love of my life, Iorda, and fuck the rest of y'all.

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Darcy: BE A BETTER PERSON! —

Iorda: WHY?! 

Darcy: BECAUSE SOMEONE NEEDS TO HAVE MORALS IN THIS RELATIONSHIP, AND IT SURE AS FUCK AIN'T GONNA BE ME, SWEETHEART!

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Iorda: You know my motto: carpe diem, carpe noctem, carpe coles. 

Darcy : Seize the day, seize the night, what’s the last one? 

Iorda: Seize the dick-

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Iorda: *seductively takes off glasses* 

Iorda: Wow... 

Darcy : *blushes* Haha... what? 

Iorda: You're really fucking blurry.

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Darcy : You are the love of my life and I would do anything within reason to make you happy. 

Iorda: I would be happy if you ate, stayed hydrated and got a reasonable amount of sleep. 

Darcy : I said within reason, Iorda. How about I murder that guy? 

Iorda: So murder is in reason but proper self care isn't? 

Darcy : Well, duh. What kind of question is that?

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Darcy: Are you trying to seduce me? 

Iorda: Why, are you seducible?

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Darcy, talking about Iorda: WHAT THE FUCK I WAS ARGUING WITH THEM AND I SAID “OOH YOU WANNA KISS ME SO BAD” AND GUESS WHAT? THEY DID. THEY KISSED ME. WHAT THE FUCK WHAT DO I DO.

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*The struggles of some traditions not being the same on Earth and Zenothe*

Iorda: Okay, I’m going to get the wedding cake. 

Darcy : Perfect, while you do that I’ll check on the ring bear. 

Iorda: ... 

Iorda: You mean ring bearER, right? 

Darcy : ... 

Iorda: Look me in the eyes and tell me you are not going to bring a dangerous wild animal to our wedding.

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Darcy : Do you want to explain the text you sent me last night? 

Iorda: It was autocorrect. 

Darcy : Autocorrect wrote "You're so hot. Please step on me."? 

Iorda: Yes.

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Darcy : Smart is attractive. Educate me on something I don't know! 

Iorda: The mouth of a jellyfish is also an anus. 

Darcy : Stop.

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Darcy : I truly go into housewife mode when I'm someone's soulmate- like, I'll make you pancakes and bacon every morning. 

Iorda: This is a lie. 

Iorda: I'm literally dating them. This is a lie. 

Iorda: THEY DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO COOK A PANCAKE, WHAT IS THIS.

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They just fuck with each other on a regular basis and both of them are just varying levels on unhinged.

[borisbubbles]

Eurovision 2023: #25

25. NORWAY Alessandra - "Queen of Kings" 5th place

Decade ranking: 73/166 [Above The Roop, below Mia Dimsic]

TikTok is a scourge on this world.

For those that wondered what a bad non-Noa 2023 result looks like, I present the above. Like yeah sure ITALY is the biggest offender of "Gets Votes Due To Pre-Built Expectations" on average but honestly... Norway's kinda up there too lately. AND ALTHOUGH I'M RANKING HER AHEAD OF MARCO, NORWAY'S RESULT OFFENDS ME WAY MORE. Third in the televote, really? Over Joker Out? Over Monika? Over Brunette? If that is what fan service is supposed to deliver, then the fans of this show are pieces of shit -- April Lewis, me.

I struggle with verbalizing why Alessandra is so meh to me. I should like this. She's camp, her song's uptempo, she was even decent on the night (after being bad literally every other time she had to perform). WHAT IS MISSING HERE?! WHY IS THIS ENTRY NOT AS GOOD AS ADVERTISED?

The issue really is that Queen of Kings is kind of boring. When you think about it, it's just a bunch of uptempo nothing carried by dumb lyrics and a basic techno beat. [ed.: you will NEVER be Cecilia] When Alessandra showed up in MGP (which was bad) and unexpectedly beat Ulrikke (who was attempting a Husavík - embarrassing) it was great though, in part BECAUSE she was basic and relied heavily on the live autotune. (lol you forgot MGP had live autotune, didn't you?). To finally have something, anything upbeat in what looked like a pretty meh pool, Norway temporarily gave me a lifeline I could cling to during these dire times of need! NOTHING IN THIS WORLD CAN STOP THE SPREAD OF A WITCH!!! SHE WILL BE THE WARRIOR OF THE NORTHERN SILENT SEAS!!!

And that is the ONLY reason Alessandra made it as far as she did on my ranking.

But then, things got better. Promise happened. Carpe Diem happened and Cha Cha Cha happened. Gustaph and Vesna, whom I had doubts about at the time improved drastically at the contest. Mimicat and Loreen and Pasha delivered as expected. There weren't many good entries (compared to 2022 and especially 2021), but a few did show themselves. Norway meanwhile, were on their fourth shallow meme entry in a row and enough. Time to try something else girlies. Why couldn't this televote result have gone to Edgar instead? (lol I have harsh words for that one too, but patience, children, first we have smaller fish to fry)

Ultimately, "Queen of Kings" was vaguely camp Eurovision pulp at its silliest and most scuffed (the fucking NERVE NRK had to try and frame it as a ~Secretly Complex Bisexual Anthem~ like, literally: die), but I find those traits more charming in filler entries nobody has high expectations for (Solo is HERE to stay for a while, and you will deal) and kinda embarrassing in overrated fanfave beasts designed to steal televotes from the plucky underdogs that truly deserved them. But hey, maybe that's just me. 🤷‍♀️

THE RANKING

[spitefulwriters]

JJ Maybank x Kiara Carrera (1.1k)

But sometimes – sometimes, nights were like this. Moonlit curls splashed on a pillow, Kiara salted and still catching her breath underneath him, flushed with a lip-bitten grin.

He leans down for a kiss, slow and lazy. And it tumbles out of his mouth before he can fully assess, murmured against her lips.

“We should go out for a bit.”

Or, JJ and Kiara take on the night with an accidental date night.

Chasing daylight was becoming easier for JJ. Tangling his fingers in golden-streaked curls, sliding his hands on sun-warmed skin, kissing Kiara anywhere, everywhere he wanted. Maybe he held on tighter than he should, with nights lurking just beneath the horizon, fragmented with nightmares and wounds that never quite healed, with ghosts that were never quite silenced.  

But sometimes – sometimes, nights were like this. Moonlit curls splashed on a pillow, Kiara salted and still catching her breath underneath him, flushed with a lip-bitten grin. 

He leans down for a kiss, slow and lazy. And it tumbles out of his mouth before he can fully assess, murmured against her lips. 

“We should go out for a bit.” 

“Right now?” She chuckles softly, runs her fingers through his hair. Says “Where?” but she’s looking at him like she’s already there anyway.

He rolls to his side, slides a hand to her waist as he draws her in. “Sure, why not? The night’s still young.” 

She laughs, but there’s a distant flash in her eyes – because they are too, but it hadn’t felt like that in a while. Still shadowed by blood-tainted treasure, cloudy with restless nights. Overcast with everything that felt far too adult, far too heavy for this moment. 

But he refuses to let it weigh them down. “Let’s take out the boat. The best bitin’s at night anyway.”

JJ remembered that, always. Just hadn’t had the courage to actually go out at the midnight hour, to face what was simmering beneath those dark waves. Not since he was nine and Luke’s weathered hands were wrapped around his as they cast a line. 

Then again, he hadn’t realized he had the courage to do a lot of things. Things that had nothing to do with jumping off motorcycles or cliffs, and everything to do with Kiara Carrera all bare and bronze next to him, snagging his sweatshirt from the pile of blankets at the foot of their bed.  

“Fishing?” Her voice muffles as she tugs it over her head, and he watches, entranced by her hair spilling over the worn Kildare label on the back of his hoodie. “You wanna go fishing right now?”

Propping himself up, he winds an arm around her waist from behind. “No time like the present, carpe diem and all that shit.” He rests his face in the hollow of her neck. His sweatshirt will smell like beaches and flowers for days now. “You in?” 

When she nods and turns to ghost her lips over his, when she says “in,” he wonders if she knows just how all in he really is.

*

It’s something akin to summer at sixteen, Kie’s hand in his as she boards the ship, backpack and cooler in tow. 

It’s not all cloudless and shimmery sun, but he doesn’t miss it, gazing at Kiara now under the crescent moon half-hidden in fog, the starlit canopy dotting her cheeks. Her hand still in his but altogether different. 

Maybe it’s how she pulls him in when she climbs aboard. How she drops a kiss to his lips. How she looks at him over her shoulder, beckoning him to join her at the bow. 

She casts her line, curls lifting in the ocean breeze. “What gave you the idea for night fishing?” 

“Just heard about it,” he says automatically. Clears his throat, tries again. “From my dad.” 

She hums, tucking her hair behind her ear. Her eyes are still fixed ahead, but she leans in a little closer, his beachy sweatshirt warm against his exposed arm. Luke’s not her favorite person, he knows. But she never tried to take those moments away from him, the few he’d told her about. And it made him feel like maybe he wasn’t stupid for holding on to them. 

There were so many things Luke wasn’t right about, that JJ’s tried really hard to undo. But then there were some things, Cut things, like now, their haul bigger than ever, that Luke knew better than anybody. He smiles to himself. 

When they’re done packing up the fish, Kiara crinkles her nose, waves him towards the cabin. They barely fit side by side at the tiny sink, soapy arms up to their elbows, bumping shoulders and matching grins, her eyes finding him from under her lashes. It would’ve made more sense to go one after the other. 

But this doesn’t really make any sense either, Kiara sprawled out on the deck with him, on his own boat, leg slung over his as she takes a pull from her PBR. 

She plays Marley on her phone, lights a vanilla candle she’d left there the other day. She crunches down on carrot sticks, and he beats his record on how many pieces of popcorn he can catch in his mouth in a row. And she whoops and laughs and glows. 

It’s quiet for a time, tangled on a blanket as they blink at the star-fallen sky. Until she finally whispers, “I don’t think we’ve ever really done anything alone before.” 

JJ laughs lightly, brushing flyaways from her face as he looks down at her. “Well, Jesus, I sure hope we were alone earlier when we were–”

She elbows him in the ribs, fighting a smile. “That doesn’t count.” 

“Why not?” he breathes out through a chuckle. “It’s my favorite kind of alone time.”

She narrows her eyes. “I meant, we haven’t really been alone like this.” Shrugging, she runs fingertips along his cheek. “Y’know, like none of the other Pogues around. And not just to, like, go on a beer run or finish a joint or something.” 

“Hm,” he mumbles to her hair, considering. “Just me and you. Alone for a whole evening.”

“Yeah,” she confirms. Angles her face to look up at him, brows furrowed. “Did we just go on a date?” 

He clicks his tongue, eyes scanning the boat. “Food. Candle. Music. Macking,” he lists off on his fingers. “‘Fraid so.” 

She rolls her eyes at the last one, but she buries further into his chest, does little to beat the allegation when she slides a hand under his shirt. “Have you ever been on one?”

He snorts. “Kiara.”

“Okay, well,” she concedes with a laugh. “I haven’t either.” 

It’s not how he’d pictured it, whatever a damn date is supposed to look like, not that he’d ever even pictured one at all. Really, he hadn’t pictured any of this, not in any sort of reality. 

But he’s not sixteen anymore, dreamy when she clasped her hand in his with a shy smile, wondering what it all means. And maybe they carry a lot more with them now, but he wouldn’t trade this reality for anything, seeing all of Kiara, letting her see him. In the day, night, or otherwise.

“It’s kinda nice, though, yeah?” he whispers, the tide lulling them closer. “Just us.” 

“Yeah,” she whispers back, bright-eyed in the dark of night. “Kinda is.” 

[magnolix]

kimetsu no yaiba short stories

how you two met (feat; Gyomei, Shinobu, Tengen)

tw: afab!reader, mentions of injury (blood), mentions of needles (medical supplies), cursing (from y/n), tengen being referred to as a "tall glass of water"

Shinobu

You had just arrived to the Butterfly Estate after fighting with a demon. Safe to say, you looked terrible. Your arm was covered in blood, your hair was all matted from running around, and your knees looked like they were in a fire. Even worse, everybody in the medical ward had spread rumors about what had happened to you.

"I hear she got attacked by a bear."

"Well I hear she almost fell down a hill."

"I hear she faced off with Muzan!"

By the mid afternoon, all you wanted was to be left alone, so once the sun finally set, you were finally given a chance to sleep. However, your work wasn't done just yet.

"Hello there, you're y/n-chan, right?" You heard a voice coo. You drowsily opened your eyes to see a little ravenette with big, beautiful purple eyes. She was wearing a gorgeous haori, one that looked like a butterfly, even the ornament in her hair was insect-themed. And then you fully woke up.

"Y-you're the insect hashira!"

"Aww, I'm so sorry if I startled you, were you dreaming?"

Dreaming of you, you wanted to say but decided against it. Instead, you nodded and slowly sat up. Shinobu explained that she needed to give you some medicine, you obviously agreed. The two of you talked as she took out a long needle and inserted it into your arm.

"You should try to excersize that arm for a few minutes, or else you'll feel terrible tomorrow. Can't have a beautiful slayer like yourself feeling down."

Gyomei

You were one of the village girls, unimportant, not special, just some daughter to a dead father. For the past few years, you had worked at a wisteria mansion. Apparently, that meant something special to a lot of people. Every day you had to clean the floors, sweep the steps and pathways, polish the cutlery and plates, and be ready at any moment for a 'warrior with a katana at their side'. You had originally shrugged it off, just thinking your boss was delusional. But one day that all changed.

"Misses Kameko! There's a talking crow at the gates!" You shouted as you held a broom up trying to shoo this strange, winged, whats-it-fuck off of the gate. Suddenly, you heard your boss walk out in her best kimono.

"Y/n-chan, open the gates. We have a guest."

"Since when do we have gates?"

"Just open them, girl." Mrs.Kameko said sternly.

You had no choice and opened only to see a massive man, he couldn't have been taller than seven feet. Not to mention but he was absolutely covered in blood. He looked like shit.

"Welcome to my mansion, demon slayer. Please make yourself at home, y/n here will help you around the mansion." Kameko said as you continued to stare in awe at the 'demon slayer' in front of you.

His eyes, upon closer inspection, were a eerie, mirky white with tears running down them. He smiled at y/n as she finally zoned back in and bowed, an embarrassed blush had spread across her face.

"I-i'm so sorry, let me take you to your room."

"There's no need to apologize, child, you've done no wrong."

As you led him to his room, he told you about his battle. He spoke of a demon with the body of a carp and how it had been terrorizing a nearby fishing village. As you helped him sit, you finally began to take in his injuries.

"Do I have your permission to uhm- remove your shirt?"

"Yes, thank you for asking."

The stone hashira chuckled as your carefully removed his shirt and began to ask him all sorts of questions. Where was he from? What was his job? Was he single? The last question actually made him laugh.

"I am known to lead a life of purity, however, a beautiful voice like yours might just be nice to go home to, y/n."

Tengen.

After months and months of training, fighting, and finding the strength to take out a lower moon in order to save your comrades, you had received news of your newly appointed hashira-ship, however, you wanted the exact opposite of that. You hated talking to others and were actually hoping to leave the corps soon due to constant stress and the nightmares that followed with your job.

As a new hashira, you had no choice but to meet all of the others at your first meeting. You were met by the usual stares, compliments, theaters from Sanemi, and even words of encouragement from Rengoku. You were thankful for Ubuyashiki to make everyone quiet.

"My children, as you know we have a new member joining your ranks. I would like you to meet Y/n L/n, the Wisteria Hashira."

You could hear Sanemi groan as you received your introduction. As the master went on, you couldn't help but feel a pair of beautiful fuchsia eyes on you. You looked over but the culprit had turned their head too fast. Strange, you thought, I wonder who it was.

By the time the meeting finished, you were already plotting ways of explaining to the master how you could leave, however, a tall glass of water had stepped into your way.

"So, you're L/n, huh?" He said almost as if he were superior to you.

"No, I'm the sun goddess." You shot back making him raise his eyebrows.

"You should know better than to talk back to me, I've been here longer-" You snapped and drew your katana, however, he was faster.

A loud clang rang out through the gardens as the Hashira all whipped their heads around and watched you two battle for an unspoken dominance. Tengen grinned, and surprisingly, you couldn't help but do the same. Maybe this whole Hashira thing wasn't that bad.

As always I just wanted to say thank you to everyone, I'm actually really excited to write for once. And as always, if you guys have any sort of head cannons or just requests you'd like me to write, please feel free to drop them in the ask box and I'll get to them. Ciao~

[mattypattypinky]

🎀Vector and Megamind Friendship Headcanons🎀

🎀🎀🎀🎀🎀🎀🎀🎀🎀🎀🎀🎀🎀🎀

They probably met at a villain convention. Megamind has a booth and Vector wanted his autograph. Megamind would recognize him and get excited.

Vector would ask Megamind to sign his Squid Launcher and Megamind would recognize him.

"You stole the great pyramid of gieeeyza."

"It's giza."

"It's what?"

And Vector would give him a full history lesson since some people think the pyramids are made by aliens, and Megamind is an alien. They'd have a full conversation about it.

Vector would be FASCINATED by Minion. He's a fish. He would love Minion. He'd ask Megamind how he taught the fish to talk, then he'd examine the suit. "What subspecies of carp are you???" and poor minion is just... so nervous and confused😭

Megamind would be fascinated with Vectors weaponry. He'd want to inspect his weapons. He wasn't aware sealife was such good weapons. He'd also be fascinated on how he fit them in the weapons as well.

"If I shot minion out of a gun, would that be affective?"

"Sir!"

The conversation would drift from autographs to marine life. Megamind has probably never seen many marine life as he lives in a large city, and probably hasn't had the time or effort to study or see much sea life. Vector would infodump about sealife, and the giant creatures of the deep blue, and Megamind would be simply fascinated by the idea of such monstrously large creatures even existing. Nobody has ever told him monsters were on this planet.

Vector would offhandedly mention a really cool level in Mario 64 that showcases it, and Megamind would be very confused as to what Mario 64 is, causing Vector would be so distraught that Megamind has never played Mario 64, so he offers to let him play it with him at his place and invites him to his fortress.

I feel like he'd be terrified of Fish (Vector's Shark), as the shark has a tendency to run into the glass, as well as it just being a large creature he has never seen before in person. I feel like Vector would have to explain what his shark was, and the entire time Megamind visits on his first visit he's anxious because theres a giant sea-monster under his boots basically while he's trying to learn what Mario 64 is. And what a Wii is. And anything else Vector throws at him.

Megamind would be absolute dog-shit at Wii Sports and Vector would NOT TAKE it easy on him.

Megamind would be fascinated by how much Vector brands. I mean, he has carpets with a giant V on it, toilet paper with a giant V, a toilet with a V, his fortress has, from what I can see, three visible V shapes on it. Megamind would be so interested in the branding opportunities of putting ones First Letter all over the place. Vector would fully support the idea of Megamind putting M on things he owns.

Megamind wouldn't want to use the Vector brand toilet paper because it's not his brand. 😭

Vector would shit talk Gru to Megamind, and Megamind would be clueless the entire time he is doing so. I mean, Megamind would be clueless with 90% of what Vector talks to him about.

Speaking of clueless, Vector doesn't know how to microwave food. And neither does Megamind. I feel like Vector would up and boast about the fact that he knows how to do it (Although he does not) And Megamind would be fascinated and amazed and look up to him for it, causing Vector to have to do all of the cooking and house work stuff when Megamind is around (Because Megamind really wants to watch how he does it)

Vector nearly burns the food in the microwave and lies and says it's supposed to happen like that to save his ego. Megamind took that and ran. I bet he burns his food all of the time because of Vector😭

Despite being so different they're also so alike. I feel like they'd want to be best friends. They'd also really want to match. I feel like Vector would bring up the idea of matching outfits or matching pajamas at a sleep over, and Megamind would hop on it like no tomorrow. Imagine those two having a boys night wearing matching shark PJs.

"OH MY GOSH, LET'S GET MATCHING SHARK PAJAMAS AND WATCH MY LIVE SHARK CAM"

"that is the coolest thing I have ever heard"

Vector would tease him about his romantic/partner / love life.

He'd be like HOWS YOUR GIRRRLLFRIEND / BOOOOOYFRIEND / PARTNER blah blah 😭😭😭

They'd have such a boys night sleepover friendship

Megamind would offer to paint Vectors finger nails black because he paints his black and Vector would probably get so excited (He'd want them orange)

I guarantee they go in joyrides in Megaminds invisible car. They probably prank Gru with it.

please ppl of the community please enjoy this I need to see more stuff with them being brotherly/friendly

little girl sleepover vibes yet they're both grown men

[bread-roses-and-chrome]

The Ballad of Riley Coleman (1)

They pitched it as the Ecumene Project. The United Nations' last valiant effort. Stave off of the world's decay, in the world's most ambitious project against the dark and the filth. The White House's throwaway attempt to shore up some P.R. and balance the budgets, when they were already breaking off their free trade agreements and locking up refugees fleeing their own war in Venezuela. They made the United Nations to unite the world against fascism. Now it was uniting to try and solve the problems they'd too long ignored. "Non unum gradum in putredine gehennae." "Not one more step into the rot of Hell." They used to call them the Great Lakes. Second-largest body of freshwater in the world, by volume. Largest by area. Superior, Ontario, Erie, Michigan, Huron. Straddling the boundary between two of the largest nations on Earth. Beating heart of commerce and trade. Some of the largest cities in two countries stood like steel-and-concrete giants on their shores, teeming with the great and heaving life of mankind and its industry. Its culture. Its growth and its machinery, its gleaming achievement. I was ten in 2060. When the Americans were bombing Caracas and Lima. When the Chinese were airlifting P.L.A. into Bishkek and Dushanbe. When the forests across the world started rotting and dying, and the grain and the rice wilted in the fields from the Lima Blight. When the Makhense Riots gripped South Africa and the paramilitaries put them down, when Red April burned through South Korea, when the Spring of Fire raged through India against Chakravartin and the Union sent troops to crush them all. I was eleven in '61. When the rockets started flying across Britain and the Kalashnikovs started being smuggled in. When Burke put down the North and the unions. When they shit on Holyrood and the Senedd and every right they were supposed to have, and put troops on the streets to push the backlash from Westminster. When they formed the Combined Police Command. When they let Mack-Ras and Weaver Apex mercenaries into Ulster and Glasgow and London, just to avoid the negative publicity. I was thirteen in '63. When the mortar made me lose my leg and my eye, and they had to give me a Neural Command/Control for new ones. And I was twenty-two in '72. When I joined up and tried to make a difference. Or feel like I did. I remember the faceplates fogging up in the chemical suits, sloshing through the mud and the residue, into the water and the poison lead. Putting little vials and ampoules in the water, plugging some of them into little machines of preliminary measurement. Saving the rest for the laboratories. I remember when we set drones and submersibles with cameras and sensors into the Deep Erie, where the Soil Toxification Agent was too strong, even for the reinforced covering. Trying to find the fish. The algae. Even the carp, those invasive shits. Any life would do. Not a single bit of flesh remained. Next: https://www.tumblr.com/bread-roses-and-chrome/740386202662977536/the-ballad-of-riley-coleman-2?source=share

[sistersinead]

tattoo roundup!

out of, well, narcissism I suppose, I thought it would be fun to post all of my tattoos.

my first tattoo! I got it in 2012, the year after my best friend suddenly died. she used to draw this graffito a lot. it didn't heal properly in the upper right but I don't mind how it looks. there's a curved line on corner of the skull's jaw which shouldn't be there, I don't know how it ended up in the tattooist's design, but I don't mind that either.

my second tattoo! big step up in terms of size and visibility, I feel like this is when I became a Tattoo Person. I've always loved cephalopods, I can stare at them for ages. my partner and I heard that giant squid mate for life and if one of them dies its partner eats it, which is too good to check. now we both have squid tattoos!

I think this one's next but I can't quite remember. I do remember it was in a 2-for-1 Valentine's day flash sale, so my partner has an identical one, and also I was very early in my transition and I think this was one of the first times I was female-presenting outside my house.

if the last one was a mid-transition tattoo, this was my first post-transition tattoo. my friend made this design just as an art piece and I liked it so much I paid them for a tattoo-friendly version. magpies are my favourite bird

a tattoo celebrating my love of big bellies and the works of Hidetaka Miyazaki. I aspire to gross incandescence

my friend who made the magpie design above became a tattooist! for a while they were doing free practice tattoos, so naturally I volunteered to be a canvas. this was the second one they did with colour.

what kind of transsexual would I be if I didn't have a Mountain Goats lyric tattoo on my inner arm? rosebay willowherb grows on disturbed and polluted ground, which is why I like it

same friend who did the witch's bottle, now professional and charging money and shit! I don't have a story or anything, this was just a really cool design so I needed it on me. a pal of mine has a matching one from the same series which is fun.

a carp! by that same friend. I was thinking of a few things when I asked for this - the great fish Kun from the opening chapter of the Zhuangzi, the Chinese fable of the carp leaping over the Dragon Gate waterfall and becoming a dragon, and tbh also the Great Coloured Carp from Sekiro

got this one three days ago, again from my friend, in a Hallowe'en flash sale. I love tattoo flash sales because my big problem is procrastinating and overthinking; spontaneously deciding to have a permanent change to my body is really good for me spiritually I think. also moths are cool.

[delaneesdefiance]

I was sponsored by Barbie as a kid. Or told I was and given queen Barbie’s curvy and sick green eyes blonde hair emerald crown and gold. I was how old robbed and stuck with nothing but coke. I Am actually Roman the religion and ethnicity not catholic like it’s she and niki manaj talks about Jesus and god like she’s Roman

Niki manaj has a roman alter ego bragging about freedom as a black with blonde hair while I as a roman am sexually enslaved she has gold oh her head and I have rhino in my teeth.

Eminem got his nick name from putting popcorn and Eminem’s in a skillet and seeing if she liked it… Hungry than why shit…

Jesus filled with what he thought was satan as a Roman Jew who believes in Africa not me or you.

Bad teeth neglect from you Catholics always side with a Jew never the Roman’s who have 50million lost to slavery not including the ones who were cremated for heaven in the end it’s when you were born and where not who loved you cuz it’s not ur time their

Assault after assault by Christian Catholics celts and Jews when I want paradise not streets of gold in the clouds like you I believe gold belongs in the ground and rocks in the mountains.

Delanee is nothing but sex to you the whoreasourous Rex out to get everyone for not believing in you the god who condemned me to stds prostitution and enslavement.

Jesus eats like a king and leaves those without a home or family to eat toxins I am not you

Even if I am a Roman Jew I stand by wanting paradise not heaven gates in the class with pedophiles all around I want paradise on earth with bombs around the sworn enemy who believe in a church not a temple like you do Japanese kings who don’t sympathize with your appeal denied what went on on private property just to encourage a lack of communism. I want regulations and rules not fuck a horse or a pony for a homie or divorce… This world is not god to me if all you are is satan killing bees

Mary oh Mary the remorseful whore… I am with you and rocks are still thrown… My names not Mary and I have no son their for I am condemned to live um a life of std and him to sexual assault me it’s all of u to call marriage not enslavement or rape to take a life and give a bible id hire someone if I had the money to kill you all

whore her out to hook her get her bring her downs make angels fall

I want hemp Crete sky scraper on the scenic and water treatment plants carp lake and laser beams it’s

hemp leaves and omega 3 salmon berry farms for disentary and not thee oil factories that exist clone me not Jesus let me know he’d be it the one to feed me to them to find a friend just to find him crucified as soon as I need a favor from the devil himself

Eggs to the water to take out salt and plastic it wouldn’t be hard to heal but we can’t it’s… white rooftop deck with robots bet a huge Jacoozie to give birth and a pool too big enough for me and you a lounge for weed and mall and dentist inside so we can all bee educated… it’s not over population it’s over curchulation their is no religious freedom here in the land of the free and the brave till we’re all put in an early grave

Well a white roof better for the environment too with tiles of sunny stars Jupiter Venus and mars swirling around kids join and play in the pool around. One for baby’s kids and adults on the bottom but save the Jacuzzi and lounge for the top so we can have babies under the stars with videos like on sims and not what this is

Pink and green buildings with hemprete and bamboo pot leaves around the water of the same thing too for omega 3 fish and no more ick

Water treatment plants all around it

We all need a plan we all need a time all of us could die at the drop of a dime

What do Roman’s believe… I am Roman and I believe you… Maybe not everything but that’s the one the Jew…

I believe you are you and I am me. Jesus was a Ritchie boy walking amongst satan see

Why is a clone not a rebirth why are we not practicing having kids with out an oven I mean it hurts?

Preme incubation and you an embryo and semen hooked up to an data analysis tracker and even inseminator deter mining traits for the better.

We can do so much why don’t we do it other to enslave people but I digress

We could be a lot further than we are yes.

Hi I’m Delanee Ryann Lavon-Fuit

Dark Challenger Great Queen White It Was abused anytime they want me to be by the church who condemned my beliefs and theirs a church in every town ya see.

I believe in planets stars life and science I believe the universe is ours if we try we just gotta fly please help me make my dreams come true and not condemn the planet for the devil who is winning because all of you have made the choice to continue sinning

[pesterloglog]

Meenah Peixes, Vriska Serket

Act 6, page 7226-7228

MEENAH: BOOM

MEENAH: there goes another one

VRISKA: Wow, yeah.

MEENAH: dude sure is busy today

VRISKA: I've got to hand it to him.

VRISKA: As far as indestructi8le, reality-destroying monsters go, he really is tireless.

VRISKA: Even though on some level I can tell he's pro8a8ly a complete moron, his dedic8tion and persistence is actually pretty admira8le.

MEENAH: holla

VRISKA: How many ghosts do you think were in that 8u88le he just wrecked?

MEENAH: dunno

MEENAH: hard to give a carp really

MEENAH: and not just cause im a sociopath

VRISKA: What do you mean?

MEENAH: hes just reclamming souls who hangin around too long anyway

MEENAH: before i died i was already like i aint give a fuck about death much

MEENAH: i looked at it like life had a price of admission no one could afford

MEENAH: in the ticket takers eye theres no way you could ever earn your stay

MEENAH: so to stick around you gotta learn to steal

MEENAH: but shit catches up with all thieves in the end

MEENAH: even the great ones

VRISKA: ...

MEENAH: i lived like death wasnt no thing

MEENAH: at all times overdue

MEENAH: a hard stop to being you

MEENAH: and only chumps arent fine with that

MEENAH: but then i die

MEENAH: and find out dying dont mean what little i thought it did

MEENAH: so all those spook eyed souls up there scared to death of double dyin?

MEENAH: fuck em

VRISKA: Peixes, have I ever told you, for a no-8ullshit fish princess, you sure have a way with words?

MEENAH: yeah youve kissed my ass before if thats what you askin

VRISKA: Ooh, look!

VRISKA: Another space tragedy.

MEENAH: daamn

VRISKA: I will say this much. All the cosmic mayhem is really quite pretty.

VRISKA: Almost like the 8ig man out there is putting on a fireworks display, just for us.

MEENAH: daw

MEENAH: lord muscleguy be thoughtful as fuck

VRISKA: How far do you think he'll go?

VRISKA: To find... who was it? His "kid sister"?

VRISKA: Is he really going to keep smashing the 8lack space forever until he finds her, til it's all gone?

VRISKA: Is it actually POSSI8LE to shatter a continuum that's theoretically infin8te?

MEENAH: shrug

VRISKA: Like I said. Got to admire the guy's determin8tion.

VRISKA: Still, I can't imagine he's led a very enjoya8le existence.

VRISKA: I mean, sure. May8e he THINKS he has. In the way that totally delusional, egomaniacal people tend to do.

VRISKA: I 8et he never had anyone in his life who was actually important to him.

VRISKA: Someone who could have helped him see that nothing is worth that kind of o8session.

VRISKA: That it's 8etter to just try and 8e happy.

MEENAH: poor skull guy 38(

[cack1e]

im my dream last night i saw a post that said something along the lines of “isnt it nice that the fish from 1980 are eaten by the sharks also born in 1980 today (2022)” and i agreed with it SO HARD i liked and reblogged 6 times as if i was a shark born in 1980 proud to eat my fishy friends

[nevermoremagic]

Film Buff!JJ x Film Geek!Reader

obsessed with the idea of film geek JJ after he mentioned CHUD in season one so here’s this little thing I wrote that’s been collecting dust in my drafts for 2 years now. lets all ignore the fact that the Pogues are now stranded on an island post-season 2 :)))

you both like to fuel each other’s inner film geek

JJ brought up C.H.U.D. once and you flipped your shit

“Really? Jesus, JJ. I thought you had better taste than that.”

“Fuck off. Says the one who likes Jaws. I could craft a better Great White than that plastic piece of shit from the junk in my backyard.”

“And my cross-faded ass could write a better script for C.H.U.D. than the writers ever could.”

always bickering about which of your favorite movies are superior, but you enjoy watching them together nonetheless

OBX summer movie nights, drive in theaters, days snuggled in together where you watch films are some of your favorite dates

he really likes watching the sci fi and horror films, ofc

he turns into a giddy child whenever he’s super impressed by the editing or special effects in a movie

and you, you really like to keep an eye out for the artistic shots a director makes

but both of you get enraptured by screenplay, always so easily affected by the script if it’s really good

and you two always spend hours talking about the movie afterwards

...actor crushes that JJ gets jealous of

“You changed your wallpaper to Ben Hardy? Really, (Y/N)? What kind of relationship is this?”

“I didn’t say anything when I caught you fawning over Florence Pugh the other day.”

“...I was looking respectfully.”

weird compliments that the pogues don’t understand and frankly are quite concerned about?? but they try their best to ignore them

“I love you like Quentin Tarantino loves feet.”

“That is... the sweetest thing you’ve ever said to me.”

omfg CONSTANT movie references

when he’s dropping you off at work: “Au revoir, Shoshanna!”

or when he kisses you goodbye: “Here’s looking at you, kid.”

there was this one horrible time you and jj were spending the night at the chateau and y’all were forced to choose the couch closest to john b’s room, so of course, john b and sarah were banging all night while you and jj tried your best to cover your ears with pillows

in the middle of it, jj turns to you with a devilish smirk and says in the most melodramatic voice, “Listen to them. Children of the night. What music they make.”

THAT reference for sure earned him a smack to the chest

you like to send JJ and the rest of the boys off with a little, “carpe diem. seize the day, boys! make your lives extraordinary.” at the dock whenever they leave with John B’s boat.

“(Y/N), we’re fishing for lobsters. there’s absolutely nothing extraordinary about that.”

there was this one time you were stuck at a Midsummer’s party, sitting at a table bored out of your mind until jj just shows up?? dressed as a waiter even though he had no business being there and has the audacity to say to you, “nobody puts Baby in a corner” before grabbing you by the hand and whisking you away for night of fun

speaking of which, he would def try to rescue you from as many Kook events as possible

and that leads to his favorite movie reference from you; “Listen to me, Mister. You’re my knight in shining armor.”

jj likes to imitate romantic tropes he sometimes sees in movies and over do it until its almost parodical

boombox playing music outside of ur window? check

except he does it for the most random reasons

“Everyone’s going fishing tomorrow, you wanna join?” he asks while he’s leaning against the VW van, speaker in his hands and a smirk on his face

“Stop playing ‘Careless Whisper’ and maybe I’ll consider it.”

if he’s not blasting music, he’s throwing gravel at ur window and shouting, “Oh, Vivian!”

“Knock it off, Romeo.”

_____________

TLDR; you and JJ act like you’re starring in a rom-com indie movie.

damn, I haven’t logged into this account in a hot second. I'm probably not gonna write anymore imagines since I’m not as obsessed with Outer Banks as I once was, but coming back on here was so nostalgic :’) 

[emilysshortstories]

Steven Meeks x Reader, part 3

sorry i haven’t updated this in a while, work and my period have been kicking my ass. 

Words: 1059 (59, year it took place HA)

Warnings: sexual harassment

Listening to my uncle go on about Walt Whitman and Carpe Diem yet again was fun, even if I had heard it a thousand times before. Even more interesting was looking at the boys' faces that have never heard this monologue before, physically seeing it touch their hearts. I never really understood why my uncle loved teaching so much until that moment. 

Assuming that 2pm quickly became everyone's favorite time of the day wouldn’t be that absurd of a thought. It was my favorite, no question, but there was also no question about meal times becoming my least favorite. Specifically lunch, the teachers didn’t eat lunch with the students like they did breakfast and dinner, so that meant I couldn’t sit with my uncle and the students were a bit less supervised. This gave the boys a pass to make me their target, target for what? You may ask. Flirting is the answer. Charlie wasn’t the only flirt in the school. So during lunch I would constantly have boys trying to sit next to me, get a little too close for my liking, ask me out, and talk about me like I couldn’t figure out what they were doing. I never encouraged this behavior, but tried not to be rude, always saying no to the dates and eventually starting to ‘save’ seats for friends or my uncle. This only made the boys of this school start treating me like a prize, see who was the man capable to win me over. Consequently, the flirtations got increasingly more intense by the day, making me feel like a new animal at the zoo. I was always doing school work with a blank face to seem unapproachable, but that didn’t always work sadly. 

A boy, who approached me yesterday, came up to me, slid on my bench until he was so close that I could feel little droplets of his saliva on my neck, and said “Hey sweets!”. Same as yesterday. I cringed back away from him and said “First of all, my name is Y/N, second of all, could you not get so close to me? I asked this of you yesterday in case you forgot”. I said this in a strong tone to let him know I was being serious, but also putting effort into not sounding rude to hopefully not make him too mad. “Oh come on, I was just joking-” and what an utterly hilarious joke that was. “- can I sit with you?”

“Actually, I’m saving this seat for a friend”

“Really? You’re gonna do me like that? We all know you say that to every guy and no one ever shows up.”

“Well, sometimes they don’t show up, but I still think it’s nice to save spots for your friends”

“Alright, I can read a room-” Can you? “- Bye sweets” he says, leaning way too close yet again. I flinch, shoulders coming up to my violated ears with a frown on my face. 

I was getting really sick of this shit, and actually tried talking to my uncle about it. We were walking through the courtyard when Charlie and the gang came up to my uncle and I. “Oh captain, my captain” Neil said to grab his attention. Neil presented my uncle with his school annual and asked him about the dead poets society. Of course I knew what it was, it’s all Mike would talk about when the topic of highschool came up. So while he was talking, I zoned out while looking at meeks. He was so pretty, I wish he would sit next to me and ask me out. He’s the only one I find interesting anyways, plus it would get everyone off my ass. Bonus. 

When my uncle was done, we stood up and started to walk away. “You know they are gonna go tonight right?” I asked. “Well I would sure hope so!” he said with a smile. “I love you uncle Mike” I said with a laugh, leaning into his shoulder with a hug.  “Now the question is, which of the boys do I give my old book to?” he said while slinging an arm over my shoulder. “You’re gonna trust them with that?”

“Well of course, how else will they know what to read at the start?”

“You are insatiable uncle”

“Oh, clever word, you must be related to me”.

“AHH! I’m a dead poet!” “Oh that’s really funny Charlie” “Hey, right in here- Fuck.” Neil cursed at the sight of me, with a flashlight, laying down on a flat rock with my legs crossed. “Oh what, you really didn’t think I wouldn’t figure it out would you? Who else told Mike who to give the book to?” I asked while the other boys piled into the cave, all stopping at the sight of me. “Are you gonna tell?” Dick Cam asked bitterly. 

“Course not! I just didn’t want to miss out on anything. Can’t let you guys have all the fun!”

“I’m alright with it, we need someone to swoon.” Charlie said, walking further into the cave. 

“Yeah right.”

We all listened to everyone’s scary stories, poems, and more until Charlie presented us with an original piece. As soon as he opened up the picture it was written on, Meeks yelled “Charlie! What the hell is the matter with you!” and quickly put his hands over my eyes. Wow, nice hands. “It’s ok Meeks, nothing I haven’t seen before, I just hope you boys aren’t naive enough to believe that is realistic”. 

“See?! It’s fine” Charlie said before beginning his poem “-- They learn to love from me”.

“SWOON!” I dramatically yell and flop into Meeks’ lap like a fish. Once I landed I looked up at his wide eyes and gave him a bright look and started laughing. Everyone started to giggle as I pulled myself up. Everyone but Meeks, “Sorry Stevie” I say and nudge him with my shoulder. He smiles at that, filled with teeth and pink cheeks. Cute. We walked back to the school, actually rather danced. Meeks at one point taking my hand and spinning me around. So I hugged him back and dipped backwards when he put his arms around my waist, exposing my chest and neck to him. Screaming my intentions of course, but in that moment I didn’t care. I swooned. 

[falcor-thee-luck-dragon]

Of Monsters and Men

Chapter 8- Bottled Appetites

Summary: A peaceful day can turn sour so fast, but alas, it still never fails to bring you adventure. Whether you’re ready for it or not.

Warnings: Jaskier being stubit, blood, Geralt being a hottie, a bit of smut

Masterlist

Today couldn't be more beautiful, the sun is shining her grand radiance and the forest is full of life as you listen to the singing of birds from your comfortable spot on a large tree branch that's hanging over top of Geralt. He's currently focused intently on fishing out a djinn to hopefully cure his sleep apnea that's been really bothering him as of late. Well, that's at least the reasoning he's claimed.

You've tried to help him with herbs, potions, and more sensual physical activities. But nothing has appeared to work, so here he is, grumpier then usual as he throws a fishing net into the river in hopes that he'll snag himself a djinn in a bottle.

Laying your back against the long branch, one of your legs swings casually back and forth as you listen to your surroundings. Your stomach growls from lack of any sufficient food in the last two days when your ears suddenly hear the tell tale singing of a certain bard as he strolls through the woodland in search of his long time friends, "Cause you all know. That this bard. Loved ladies from Nilfgaard. 'Cause Nilfgaard can kiss my..." Sings the bard as he wanders down the trail until his eyes land on your Witcher, "Geralt! Hello. What's it been months? Years? What is time, anyway? I heard you and Y/N...wherever she is....were in town.' His voice is just as cheerful and upbeat as you'd remembered, "Are you following me, you scamp? I mean I'm flattered and everything, but I think that feisty lady of yours may start to get jealous." Rambles Jaskier as he takes out his flask.

He takes a small sip before offering it to Geralt, who ignores him, Jaskier shakes this off and keeps to his questioning when suddenly you drop down from seemingly out of nowhere. Doing a fantastic job at scaring the shit out of Jaskier in your abrupt arrival, he yelps before stumbling back a few feet. "Dear gods Y/N have you been just hanging around in the treetops like some type of...of..bat?" He stammers breathlessly, a hand over his thudding heart.

Smirking at him you throw him a quick wink, "Only for you my humble bard." He stands up straight as a light blush dusts his cheeks as you turn to follow Geralt down the side of the river path, while he searches for a better spot to catch this djinn, Jaskier trailing behind you both.

"Geralt, you're fantastic at a great many things, but clearly, fishing is not one of them. Have you caught anything today? What are you fishing for, exactly?" Intrudes Jaskier as Geralt fiddles with his netting while you lean against a tree, "Is it cod? Carp?" He looks to you for a second before his attentions back on Geralt, "Pike? Bream? I'm just....I'm just listing off fish that I know. Zander? Is that a fish?" Wonders the bard as he raises a brow at you.

You simply shrug, "He's not fishing, can't sleep." Jaskier nods, not sure what to do with that information.

"Right. Good. Well, that...makes sense. In so much that it sort of...doesn't." Frowns Jaskier as he suddenly looks a bit more worried, "What's going on Geralt, talk to me."

Geralt stops before letting out a tired sigh as he looks to Jaskier, "A djinn." Is all he admits before he's back to grappling with his net.

You watch as Jaskier's face scrunches up in deep confusion, "A what?"

"I'm looking for a djinn." Grumbles Geralt as the bards face looks even more puzzled then before.

Then all at once it seems that he's finally connected the dots, a smirk breaking upon his face as he sets his hands onto either hip, "For a dj....for a djinn? A dj...like a genie?" Laughs Jaskier as he wiggles his fingers in a playful manner, "The floaty fellas with the....the bad tempers and the banned magics, that kind of genie?"

Geralt stand up once again, a hard expression across his brow while Jaskier fails at concealing his laughter, "Yes. It'll grant me wishes. It's in this river somewhere. And I can't FUCKING SLEEP!" Snaps Geralt, golden eyes glowing even brighter as his anger boils over.

Geralt glances to you for a brief moment before turning and walking further down the river path, the bard follows suite as you trail behind them, amused at Jaskier's continuous rambling about his latest adventures and the possible reason why Geralt is so sleep deprived.

"Have you ever considered why you may be feeling this way hm, let's say...oh I don't know, we find the root of the problem. I mean, maybe, just maybe this whole sleeplessness-ness has got something to do with what the druid Mousesack said to you guys in Cintra? You know, the Law of Surprise? Destiny? Being unable to escape the child that belongs to you, et cetera, et cetera?" Inquires Jaskier as you watch Geralt prepare to throw in the net.

"No! Y/N was there too and she's fine....this is something else." Grumbles your Witcher as he throws his net into the waters below.

Jaskier looks from you to Geralt, hands on his hips the whole time, "Yeah, you're probably right. But what if you're not? You know, the Countess de Stael once said to me...that destiny is just the embodiment of the soul's desire to grow." Explains Jaskier he walks past you to sit down on a log.

A small laugh escapes from your lips as you turn to the bard, "Did you sing to her before she left?" You honestly couldn't help yourself, pushing Jaskier's buttons is just a solid talent of yours.

He looks out at the water, "I did, actually, and she.." His head quickly turns to you once he realizes what that comment suggested, "Why, what are you implying?" Wonders Jaskier as he tilts his head to you, a smirk breaks out upon your face as you then bite your lip to keep silent. He gets up from the log, an abashed expression crossing his features, "Oh, we are so having this conversation. Come on, Y/N. Geralt. Tell me. Be honest. How's my singing?"

You cross your arms over your chest while casually looking out at the river and pretend that he hasn't even said anything, although you're certain Geralt on the other hand will add his two cents. He tosses his net out into the water once again before turning to Jaskier, "It's like ordering a pie and finding it has no filling." Deadpans Geralt as you burst with laughter, Jaskier looking rather taken aback as his eyes go wide in surprise.

"You need a nap! I mean are you trying to hurt my feelings, Geralt? It's...it's down-downright indecorous of you, if I'm completely honest, and.." He quickly loses interest once Geralt unveils a bottle from his net, "Wow. Wow. What is...what is that?" Questions Jaskier as Geralt holds the djinn bottle in his muddy hands, you hover over his shoulder as you stare at the thing in amazement. It doesn't look like much but the wizards seal on the bottles cork is truly telling, too bad it doesn't have a three course meal inside.

"It's a wizards seal. The djinn." Geralt confirms softly as he studies the enchanted bottle until Jaskier suddenly grabs onto the bottles other handle.

"Do you mind if I...."

"Jaskier." Snaps Geralt as you stand back to watch, deciding it more entertaining if you don't intervene.

The bard points an accusing finger in his direction, "Take it back about my filling-less pie. Take it back, you get your djinny-djinn-djinn."

Rolling your crimson eyes you set a hand on your hip, "Let go Jask."

He turns to you with a fake sneer before snapping his attention back to your stoic Witcher, "No! No, you let go, you horse's arse!" Suddenly the bottle slips from Geralt's hand as he looks down at the cork in his fist, a confused expression on his handsome features as nothing appears to happen around either of them.

Jaskier studies the bottle in his hand, looking rather disappointed, "That's a bit of an anticlimax." He mutters dismally at the boring turn of events, although you can't help but notice as a soft supernatural whispering begins to make itself known to your hypersensitive ears, then right on cue does the wind begin to pick up, the woods feeling a bit darker as the clouds go grey up above, "Or is it?" He says excitedly as he wiggles his eyebrows at you.

Crossing your arms over your chest, your nerves prick at the odd change in the atmosphere, "Shit." You mumble while Jaskier walks past Geralt, he gives you a sour look as you grimace in knowing annoyance.

Standing on the edge of the riverbank, Jaskier points to the sky, "Djinn, I have freed thee, and as of this day, I am thy lord. Firstly, may Valdo Marx the troubadour of Cidaris, be struck down with apoplexy and die. Secondly, the Countess de Stael must welcome me back with glee, open arms and very little clothing. Thirdly..." Geralt quickly pulls him back in an attempt to shut him up before something terrible happens to him.

"Jaskier! Stop. There are only three wishes." Warns Geralt as you stand next to him, the both of you staring the bard down like two disappointed parents.

"You're a fucking idiot, Jask." You add bluntly as he simply rolls his blue eyes, unbothered by this djinn considering his two friends are a Witcher and dhampire.

"Only three wishes!" Grumbles Geralt as Jaskier observes his agitated demeanor.

"Oh, come on, you got Y/N, she's quite literally the best thing that's ever happened to you...how was I to know you wanted three wishes all to yourself?" Shouts the bard over the loud enchanted winds that are rapidly starting to build, ones that are rocking the tree branches and leaves every which way, as well as your hair.

"I just want some damn peace!" Bellows Geralt in frustration.

"Well, here's your peace!" Snaps Jaskier before idiotically smashing the bottle upon the ground in a blind moment of irritation.

Geralt quickly squats down to pick up the broken shards as you reach down to do the same, while picking them up he accidentally cuts himself on a sharp edge. You can instantly smell the blood, and though you haven't given into darker temptations in a long while. You're rather hungry from lack of coin to pay for any such meals that would gladly satisfy you, and right now it feels too much.

Snapping away from Geralt, you stand to your full height as you finally notice how sickly peculiar Jaskier is starting to appear, "Uh Y/N.." Gasps the bard breathlessly as he holds a hand to his throat, "Y/N...it's the djinn!" Stammers Jaskier as he points towards the river, you snap your attention to find a wispy black and purple mass racing for the three of you over the water.

Your eyes go wide in startled bewilderment, "Geralt!" You shout just as he stands and uses his magic to propel the creature back where it decides to take off into the sky.

Your Witcher stares up at the horizon as you catch the enthralling scent of blood once more, god you should really have eaten some berries or at least stolen something earlier to avoid this terrible primal hunger. You look over to Jaskier who's not looking too hot, a tiny trail of blood seeps out of the side of his mouth, his neck forming an unnatural lump as he wheezes in pain.

Geralt snaps his golden eyes down to the panicking bard, "Jaskier." He speaks before Jask leans over, a ruby red spurt of blood bursting from out of his mouth as he tries to gasp for breath, "Y/N?" Pleads Geralt in hopes that you can help him somehow. Though you're certain that if you would get any closer, you may break and give into your deeper vampiric desires that you've held at bay for so long. The part of you that has forever kept yourself from ever truly feeling human.

Shaking your head you flicker your eyes over to him, "I...I can't....I'm too starved....I'm sorry." You breath out, taking a cautious step back, the scent of Jaskier's warm blood on the breeze is enough to make your mouth water.

He purses his lips together, knowing that you can't do much for the time being, "Fuck." Grumbles Geralt as he quickly picks up Jaskier before booking it down the trail for Roach.

——

You follow in the form of a pack of bats close behind your boys as Geralt leads Roach to a small camp in the woods. You watch as he yells in question for a doctor, Jaskier slumped to the side as he leans into Geralt's broad back. Quickly a soldier confirms that an elven healer is inside, you land on a large firm tree branch, turning back into your original form as you watch them scurry into the grand white tent.

You focus your hearing and learn that if Jaskier's wounds are not treated by proper magic remedies, then he will certainly die. A pang of worry strikes you at the thought of your bard gone, and you do feel quite terrible knowing that he's in so much pain. But to your great or at least somewhat relief does the elf give Jaskier a pain relieving liquid concoction, thus explaining that a malicious and cunning mage is imprisoned in the mayor's house in the next town over who could heal the bards wounds.

A prominent feeling of uneasiness and caution surges throughout you at the thought of meeting another mage after months of evading any at all. Soon enough they quickly exit the tent and find themselves upon Roach's back before they take off in the direction of the closest town. With a heavy sigh you jump from the tree, shifting into a pack of whimsical black bats as you fly after Geralt throughout the tree tops and evening sky.

You're flight feels short lived as a couple miles later does Geralt finally find the large brick house of the mayor, its a rather beautiful place positioned on the edge of a huge lake with woods comfortably surrounding it. Roach gallops onto the gravel road when suddenly a tough half bald bearded man walks up to them. He gives them a hard time before Geralt abruptly knocks him out with a sack of coins, much to your amusement.

He takes Roach to the stables as you fly downward towards the ground, just as Geralt walks out of the barn with Jaskier dangling over his shoulder, you hastily shift back into your more presentable self. He gives you a nod of acknowledgment before a stern and determined look appears onto his hard features as he practically strides towards the closest wooden door. You follow behind as you clench your fists together in an attempt at distracting yourself from your ever growing hunger, the blood seeping out of Jaskier's mouth smells sweet as fresh berries as it wafts into your nostrils.

He wheezes in pain with every step that Geralt takes down the wine filled hallway which is enough to keep yourself from doing anything you'll regret later. He walks through a doorway before gently setting Jaskier onto the kitchen table, you follow in after him, your crimson eyes going wide as they find a naked man holding a brown shiny jug. He stares in awe at the three of you just as he drops his jug onto the stone floor below.

What the fuck?

A large drunken half smile makes its way onto his face, "Velcome...to my vome." Cheerfully announces the grey haired naked man, his arms spread wide in greeting, other parts of him also hanging out to your great disgust.

"You're the Mayor of Rinde?" Wonders Geralt as he looks to Jaskier.

Looking anywhere but the man, you throw a hand up before resting it onto your hip, "Our day has already been weird enough, why not meet a naked man in his home to top it all off, huh?" You jest with a nervous laugh, almost certain that this fool has been enchanted. He has to be, right?

The bard makes more wheezing sounds as Geralt's brow furrows in worry, "Uh, it there a mage that lives here?" The naked man turns to something sitting near Jaskier as his face shifts to that of realization.

"Ah. De apple jvuce. She vants some. And she alvays gets...vhat she vants." Whispers the man with a telling nod, oh yes he is without a doubt under some type of spell.

Geralt turns a confused eye to you, "I don't understand. Does he want me to get him the apple juice?" You turn your eyes back to the man as he goes to sit down in a chair, you look back to Geralt with a shrug, "No idea? Let's just find this fucking mage." You grumble as Jaskier tries to nod.

Your Witcher grabs the apples juice and the scruff of the bards baby blue jacket as he goes to walk into the nearest doorway. You turn back to the naked potbellied man only to be greeted with his loud snores, shaking your head you amble after your boys. As you follow closely behind Geralt you look down to notice as a greenish mist cascades out from under the closed door. He quickly pulls it open as more billows out and into the hallway, there's nothing on the other side but an ascending staircase, to the left another closed doorway that seems to have even more of the mist coming from it.

It's strange, you can hear muffled moaning on the other side and the rapid beating of many loud heartbeats. Your questions are quickly answered as the two of them walk into the next open doorway only to stumble upon a massive orgy. You keep behind the wall as you crinkle your nose in disgust at the strong scent of sex, sweat, and perfume in the air, a less than pleased expression crossing your features at the sickening toxins.

One that most likely matches Geralt's if you didn't know any better. You listen closely as he walks through the moaning crowd before he plops Jaskier next to someone, you feel almost sick from lack of food and the smell of this place is just about driving you mad. But you can't face the mage, something just doesn't feel right.

You listen as he speaks to her, your heart falling into your throat as she replies back, that voice, you haven't heard that voice in decades. But how? How could she be here of all places to be? Shaking your thoughts from your mind you eves drop in on their conversation until she begins to give him a hard time about payment, sounding rather too sensual for your liking.

"It's spreading, fix it. And I'll pay you. Whatever the price." Mutters Geralt to the familiar mage as he looks up at her from his spot near the small stairway that she's standing on.

"You'll have to do better then juice." Answers the mage slyly as she contemplates this intriguing new proposition.

"Yennefer." She stops in her tracks, her body tense as realization crosses her masked face, "Don't be difficult." You add as Geralt steps to the side, a confused expression on his face as he looks from you to Yennefer and back to you again.

She takes a step down, a small smirk adoring her ruby red lips as she looks you over, "Now this...is a surprise, how long's it been? I honestly wasn't certain that our paths would ever cross again, I was almost hoping they wouldn't....but alas. Here you are....it's good to see you Y/N." She smiles, studying your bloodshot eyes due to your increase in hunger, she smiles, "You look, famished." Concludes the mage with a tilt of her head.

You slightly shrug, "What a kind way to say I look like I'm halfway into hell....now, save him before he bleeds anymore."

She smiles, looking down at the djinn's bottle cap, "As you command, princess Y/N." Quips Yennefer with a smirk as she looks around the room, "Ragamuffin!" And just like that the mass orgy stops, the participating villagers snapping back to reality in the process. They quickly scramble to cover themselves as Yennefer looks to the two of you, nodding for you three to follow her to where she can heal Jaskier.

——

After clearing out half the pantry and about two small bottles of wine, you're finally satiated and no more half starved. You casually sit on the kitchen table as Geralt stares at the floor in worry for the bard and in deep questioning thought about how the hell you know Yennefer. You could practically cut the tension with a knife, but then much to your relief she comes walking down the steps.

Calmly announcing that Jaskier is in a deep healing sleep, and that you both urgently need a bath, something you wholeheartedly agree on. She hands the both of you some clean clothes as she directs you into the direction of the bathhouse, going elsewhere to give you both some privacy.

You walk into the steamy warm room as Geralt shuts the door, locking it as you start to unlace your top, "Y/N how do you know..."

"Ask me when I'm in the bath, then I'll indulge you for some of my hidden past....dealings." You interrupt with the flash of a smile before throwing off your top and bra. You face away from him as you kick off your boots, quickly shimmying out of your dark pants and undergarments as you stand stark naked by the heated pool.

Turning a quick glance behind you, your eyes catch Geralt's as his golden irises trail down your body, he looks away as an embarrassed grin makes its way onto his handsome face. You smile to yourself, turning to lower your tired vessel into the steaming waters. Sighing in pleasure at how the bath feels blessedly nice after many moons of going without a proper clean.

You close your eyes as your sit peacefully by the waters edge, a smirk playing at your lips as Geralt's muscular body gets in after you. You listen intently as he lets himself enjoy the warmth before some water swishes and he's pressed firmly against your side. An arm draped over your shoulder as his other one leans against the cool stony edge, you can just tell that he's taking you all in even as his mind swirls with questions.

"Y/N? What did you get into before you met me....or I guess what type of trouble? Although I do happen to recall your hatred for wizards and mages alike." Mutters your Witcher as he looks down at your relaxed form, your body but a nude distortion under the clear waters of the pool.

Humming in acknowledgment, you open a scarlet eye to look up at him as you give him a small smile, you can tell that if it wasn't for how curious he is at the moment, he'd without a doubt be turning you into a moaning mess by the waters edge within minutes, "I know Yennefer because...I....well I was a type of courier in Aretuza for many years." His dark brows furrow in thought, not sure what you're getting at so you continue, "The mage academy, I traveled there because I searched for the aid of the mages, you see, I had found a farm girl who was bitten by a werewolf and survived. Her father said he would pay me if I delivered her into their care, double if they cured her."

His hand trails tiny patterns against your arm, "And what did you do?"

"I was able to save her life, we had a week before the next full moon and a mage there had the needed remedy to reverse the lycanthropy. After that, I stayed with her there as she recovered from the whole ordeal...considering the process of taking away ones curse is a painful one." You explain as he laces a hand with your own, invested in your story with every new word coming from your lips, "In my time, I investigated the grounds...I was only two-hundred something then...I wanted to see everything. So I did, in doing so, and yes I'm aware this is going to sound quite unlike myself...but, I made a friend."

He hums, squeezing your arm gently in reply, "Her name was Tissaia de Vries, though that hardly matters now it's been so long, anyways....she appeared to like me well enough, I needed a place to cover myself from the rain, and coin to keep me alive and she knew what I was useful for. I basically became a raven, I would take precious letters, scrolls, or artifacts from Aretuza to wherever needed and vise versa. It was safer that way, no one would dare fuck with a dhampir of all travelers, and the ones who did promptly regretted it...and I got to live in the academy for free. It was perfect."

"When did you meet Yennefer?"

"Sometime after a good many years as a courier slash traveling body guard for high end royals who payed well, Tissaia had just brought her to Aretuza for the first time and while walking near her room I could smell the blood pouring out of her slashed wrists, the fool was trying to kill herself." He glances down at you, more intrigued then ever.

(Cue flashback)

"Check on piglet would you Y/N, I'll be gathering the girls for their first lesson shortly in the greenhouse. Make sure she's up." Says Tissaia as she writes something down on a piece of parchment with her quill.

Setting down some type of golden box onto one of her many counters you turn to her, "The little bird seems hardly mage material if I'm being honest....she's afraid, nervous, and ridiculously troubled...not to mention that hunched back of hers, poor things truly had it rough, now things only feel worse to her. You really know how to pick'em don't you?" You muse with a smirk as she continues to write, "Doesn't matter, everyone starts somewhere. I'll go find her, doubt she's decided to venture very far." You add before walking out the doorway and into the stony halls of the enchanted academy.

You pass by a couple mages here and there as you find your way to the novice's rooms in the lower section of the giant castle, you suddenly stop as you've successfully made it to her door. Not caring enough to knock, you swing it open as you find the sad hunchbacked girl, who's sniffling pathetically in her creaky bed, "Greetings little bird, how was your sleep?" Your voice is lively as you smile down in her direction while more dismal sniffles sound, a small half-frown graces your features as you cross your arms over your chest, "Can't say very well considering you've lost a good amount of blood, which I might add is not ideal for your first day of lessons or in general if we're being honest. You're seriously lucky I wasn't starving when I found you."

She sighs, "I don't want to do any lessons. Just leave me. You should have just let me die...at least I still had control over that." She whispers sadly, her back is still turned to you as you take another step closer.

Lightly chuckling, she turns to you, a harsh glare crossing her puffy features as you scoff, "That's hilarious. You really think that you had control? You didn't have shit little bird....you didn't have control, you were losing it." Her crooked face morphs into a frustrated glare as she thinks over your words, you simply shrug, "Now, you've survived and are very much alive whether you like it or not, it's close to the hour for your first lessons as a real mage in training, important shit for your kind. So get up little bird, it's time to fly."

She sniffles once more before giving you a downcast expression, "I can't."

Touching her shoulder in as comforting of a manner as you can muster you smile kindly down at her, "Listen, you can either let the world fuck you like a cheap whore, or you can become a dragon who does whatever the hell they please. Which is it my crooked friend? Who are you going to become?"

Slowly sitting up onto the edge of her bed, she rubs her nose, the tiniest bit of confidence flashing through her purple eyes, "A dragon." She whispers softly, a small spark of life coursing through her once again.

(End flashback)

"I had no idea, this whole time." Whispers Geralt.

You gently nudge his bare shoulder, "Yeah well you never exactly asked, and I didn't feel it important because it isn't or I guess wasn't....that is, until we happened to meet her this evening. Weirder circumstances have be felled us."

"That is true, its just, you were actual friends with mages." Says Geralt like its the most surprising thing in the world, "Now I understand how you knew Mousesack. I had always wondered about that."

"Hmm. Right, well you see and meet a lot of different people when you can't age. He's gotten greyer since the last time, Yennefer however, she still looks the same."

Geralt squeezes your hand, "And you, look even more radiant."

He looks down at you once more, the flash of something new and intriguing shinning bright in his golden eyes as they trail up and down your body. You smirk, pulling his arm from you as you position yourself in front of him, reaching your arms out to push his thighs apart. He eyes you up the whole time, hardness beginning to grow underneath the waters as you touch his shoulders, lining yourself up against him, ready to claim him completely, by just inches.

You softly kiss him, "Fuck me so that damn witch knows exactly who you belong to." His hands trail up to your sides as he pushes you down on his erect member, a low hum escaping your lips at the contact, his fullness pleasantly stretching your walls from within the steamy waters.

Geralt kisses you once more, another upon your neck as he smiles, "Such a compelling offer..." His words evade him as a moan leaves from his parted lips as you begin to ride him, the pools water swishing as you bounce. The next twenty minutes are spent fucking each other until you're one-hundred percent positive that Yennefer could hear every scream and thrust.

Just as you'd intended.

——

You stand at the foot of Jaskier's extravagant bed as Yennefer watches from the doorframe, Geralt near his side as the bard sleeps peacefully away his troubles and malevolent enchantment. Geralt looks on at him, a distraught expression crossing over his features as Yennefer asks if he doubts her capabilities. He grumbles a truthful no, as his only cause of worry is that if Jaskier never wakes up he'll feel terrible for the unkind words that were said to him before all this mess happened.

She smiles when he grumbles about her actual intentions, she simply walks past you over to her table of spices and herbs, but before she can get to it Geralt makes note of how the sign from the djinn's seal is marked upon the floor with candle wax. Her face falters as she realizes that she's been found out, you had figured something was up the moment you stepped into the room and saw it near the end of the large bed.

Leaning yourself against one of the bed posts, you listen as Geralt declares that he's going to take Jaskier now to prevent Yennefer from summoning the djinn, she smartly explains that if he does, then the spell won't take. So you're all essentially stuck until Jaskier is healed, whenever that may be. She turns to open a tiny bottle of oil on her stand, nonchalantly rubbing it into the skin of her wrist as she magically sets the summoning circle candles on fire, an enchanted burst of wind sending the drapes of the bed flying and flapping into the air, your hair as well.

This doesn't sit right with your Witcher at all, especially when she asks how many wishes he has made, Geralt doesn't give her a direct answer until he lets slip that Jask has only used two wishes. Her face perks up at this news, she gives you a mischievous wink before walking over to Geralt, who looks like something strange is happening to him.

You can smell the scent of lilac and gooseberries wafting throughout the room as she walks closer to him, "Tough to get in your head. You have a strong will, but you can't contend with me." You suddenly feel rather sleepy as Geralt looks down at her in anger, instead of helping him, you sit down on the bed and try your best to listen, "Sorry I couldn't be more direct, I knew you two would fight it. And I do love a good old-fashioned trap." She muses as your eyelids begins to grow heavy, a yawn leaving your mouth as you rest a hand against the soft inviting mattress.

So soft, so tired, how'd you get so sleepy?

Against everything in you that's screaming for you to stay awake to stop Yennefer, you feel utterly relaxed, so much so that instead of helping Geralt to stay conscious. You lay yourself on the giant bed, you blearily stare up at the dark wooden ceiling in false content, everything feels so warm and lovely. The room swirls and shifts as you tiredly close your crimson eyes, the sweet enchanting scent of lilac lulling you into a deep and blissful slumber.

Breathing in sharply, you stretch in the soft bed as your eyes finally open to the morning light pouring out from the two giant glass windows on either side of the bed. You're laying on your left side so as you focus better, you're surprised to find Jaskier laying on his back next to you. This is definitely not Geralt, so how did you get here?

Oh right, Yennefer.

Quickly sitting yourself up you look to the end of the bed where Yennefer is sitting, topless as she rubs something onto her bare abdomen. Your brows furrow as you stare at her back, "What the fuck are you doing?" You question, no heat really in your words, you're honestly more confused then anything at the moment.

Without looking at you she starts, "I need the djinn Y/N, this is how I intend to take it."

Sliding off of the side of the bed, you walk around so that you can lean against the wooden beam to see what she's getting at, "That's rather vague Yenn, but if I was to make an educated guess from my clever sleuthing, or just general understanding of how that clapping monkey of a brain works. I'd say you're trying to summon the fucker so your last wish may be for a child in your womb. Nice tattoo by the way, very original." You nod to the dark colored insignia on her lower abdomen in the shape of the female reproductive system, who would have guessed she was such as artist.

She glances at you for a second, anger slowly building in her chest, "How very clever indeed Y/N, even in old age does your mind stay as sharp as a tack." Her tone is bluntly sarcastic, but you stay unaltered by her jest.

You tilt your head at her, "Djinn's are finicky creatures, I wouldn't try and do exactly what I think you're going to do."

"And what is that?" She snaps, her eyes focused ahead.

Rolling your eyes you let out an irritated huff of air, "Become the djinn's physical vessel, its suicide...and you know it. Even the most powerful of mages cannot harness the true strength and imperium of the djinn, what would compel you to attempt this? What will having a child gain you, in this world of all places?"

She doesn't have time to answer as Jaskier suddenly wakes up with a start, he pushes himself up into a sitting position as he squints from the bright light of the room, "Oh, uh...where am I?" His eyes quickly land on the bare back of Yennefer since he can't see you from behind the thick pulled back curtain, "Whew! Uh...Right. Good. Good. Uh...Not to be untoward or anything...but, did we...you know, do the uh..." She slowly covers her bare torso and chest with her thin golden white top as she turns around to face him and crawl upon the bed, "Ooh, Go...Oh, no! No! Definitely did not butter that biscuit." Rushes Jaskier as he scrambles to get off, you watch as he shuffles past you, his eyes going wide in puzzlement, "Oh hello there Y/N, nice morning huh....oh shit, uh...look lady I'm so sorry, but I've just remembered I left my...cat, on the, stove."

He walks backwards as Yennefer continues her stalk towards him, "I...I uh, we really must going, isn't that right Y/N!" He exclaims as he quickly bends down to put on his shoes. You're not entirely sure how to handle this situation if you're being totally honest, you're not exactly one to stop people from living their dreams, especially if it's Yennefer doing something stupid and you also rather enjoy watching Jaskier piss himself.

Her eyes darken, "Express your deepest desires and you can be on your way." She asserts as her hand picks up a knife from her drawer.

"Well, my deepest desires are currently satisfied, thank you so much." Sputters Jaskier as Yennefer uses her power to slam him against the nearby wall.

"Is this really necessary?" You remark as she focuses on the bard.

"Yes." Is all that comes forth from her lips as she goes to threaten Jaskier, "How's your throat?"

"Uh.." Jaskier gives you a nervous glance before snapping back to the approaching mage.

Smiling wickedly she takes another step closer, "Perhaps you should try some scales."

Jaskier flinches back as the mage grabs a hold of him, "Uh...Toss a coin to your Witcher. O, valley of...penis. Oh, God." He stammers as Yenn grabs his junk in one hand and presses a knife against his throat in the other.

"If you want to keep all you have...make a damn wish." She threatens with malice, Jaskier breathing heavily in fear, he doesn't say anything as he throws pleading eyes your way. Scoffing she lets go of him and instead walks over to kneel down at the circle of burning candles, "Make a damn wish! Do it now!" Shouts the insane witch, an enchanted breeze finding its way into the room even with lack of opened windows.

Jaskier slides down the wall as he looks to you who only shrugs in reply, this is his problem now. He shifts his attention back to the mage, "I don't...I don't know! I wish very badly to leave this place forever!" Cries Jaskier as Yennefer gasps, her breathing going deeper as she begins to chant something in Eldar. The room instantly fills with winds, papers flying across the room at the intrusion.

Holding tightly onto the shaking wooden beam of the bed you glance from Jaskier to Yennefer, "You're fucking crazy Yennefer! This is madness!" She all but ignores you, her chanting getting louder and louder as the magical winds send your hair flying in all directions, "Fuck. Jaskier get out of here while you can, the djinn is close I can feel it!" You scream above the noise, he quickly nods before jumping to his feet and racing out the opened door.

You turn a worried face to Yennefer, "I'm not sure about you but, lets not invite a fucking genie into this place! You don't even own it! And stop speaking Eldar before this dark fucker possesses you!" She doesn't even give you a glance, as right on cue does the black wispy shadow of the djinn seep into the room and hastily flow into her body.

Your eyes go wide at the abrupt turn of events, "Fine. I'll save you myself, fucking mages." You mutter before taking a step forward, in an instant her eyes shoot open to reveal a sickly pink covering the entirety of her whole eyeball, she shoots up a hand and before you have a chance to do anything. Your whole body is thrown back into the hard glass window and straight out into the misty morning air as you free fall towards the grassy courtyard below.

Taken off guard but anticipating the nearing ground, you quickly stop yourself and levitate mere inches from the earth. You lower your feet onto the grass, an annoyed sigh leaving your lips as you pick some glass shards out of your arms and pant legs. You stand in the morning light beginning to rethink your life choices when pained screams are heard from up above, it's Yennefer, she's screaming at Geralt to make a wish so she can finally have all the power. Clearly things are not going well by any means, so instead of leaving her to an inevitable demise like how you'd planned, you fly back up to the broken window and right into the windy chaotic mess of a room.

A pillow nearly misses your head when you arrive just as the djinn screams for Geralt to use his wish on anything that he so desires. You jog over to the circle of candles as his golden eyes find yours, "Just make a fucking wish!" You shout before the djinn compels Yennefer to throw you against the far wall in an act of mindless rage. You're back hits the wood first, your head cracking against it with a thud, ouch.

You fall to the messy floor in a daze, a single trickle of blood falling down the side of your temple as you stand to slowly regain your bearings once again. Although when you look up, it appears that Geralt has spoken his last wish, the wind has dissipated and Yennefer seems to have come around to her mostly normal self.

Breathing heavily from her spot on the floor she turns to you, "Is it over?" She whispers tiredly, "Is it done?"

Sensing movement from the attic you zero in on the noise, "Oh fuck it's still here!" You bellow before the ceiling crumbles and cracks open, wood, stone, metal and whatever else bursting through as the djinn destroys the roof. Your eyes go wide as a large piece of wood breaks away, heading straight for Yennefer, more chunks racing down for Geralt as well.

In a blur you're able to save them both from a suddenly violent death as you rest them against the floor away from the destructive mess happening near the bed and windows. Geralt sits up and scoots back as you rest your old friend upon a soft red and gold pillow, she's asleep from the quick rushed movement you'd just subjected her to. You're going to have to remember that not everyone is very fond of whiplash.

Leaning over her, you lightly shake her arm, "Yennefer. It's me, Y/N. Wake up idiot." Her lavender irises slowly flicker open as you sit back, a sigh of relief leaving your parted lips as you turn to make sure Geralt's alright. He's already asleep on another large blue pillow, so much for the mighty Witcher.

"Wha...what?" She mumbles softly before her eyes open wider in realization, "Y/N why did you stop me! I nearly had it, I was so close and you ruined it, why di..."

Your brows furrow in confusion at her needless outburst, "You had shit, I saved your life! You ungrateful..."

"Oh, well I saved that fucking bard's life and your precious Witcher's...but now he's let the djinn escape! Who knows what havoc it'll wreak now that it has no vessel at all?" She fumes, glaring at you angrily.

Rolling your scarlet eyes at her frustration, you sit down on the carpeted floor, "No more havoc then you. Djinns are only dark creatures when held captive."

"How can you be so sure?" She snaps.

You raise an eyebrow at her, "When did you last feel happy when you felt trapped? And besides, if you were going to portal us to safety, you could have taken us out of this shit town!"

Yennefer huffs in annoyance, "A fine critique if you could make a portal yourself. Or better yet, turn into a giant bat and fly us away from here...and it wasn't a shit town, it was fine till you and your two incompetent imbeciles came along. I had a plan!" She exclaims pointedly as you begin to chuckle.

Her glare hard pressed as you smirk, "And that was going rather swimmingly!"

"It was!" Snaps Yennefer, "Like a drowning fish." She looks to you with angry eyes, her fire slowly brimming as a smile breaks out onto her face.

"More like a dead and dry one." You muse with a laugh as you frown, "oh gods look at us, how'd we ever get here huh....from Aretuza to the destroyed aftermath of a fucking djinn."

Her face falters for a moment as she thinks over your words, "Who can say? Bad choices perhaps, maybe we do it to ourselves for the fun of it."

"Maybe you're just a thrill seeker." She gives you a half offended glare as you simply stick your tongue out at her, "But we've survived nonetheless, I'll take that as a promising sign for the time being."

"I guess that means something then." She looks down to her hands, a downcast expression crossing her sweaty features, "I am glad to have seen you again in all honesty, it's just been a very long while since I've seen anyone familiar." Admits the violet eyed mage.

You shrug, "Or tolerable?"

"Yes, or tolerable. My life at court was...almost all for naught, I feel like I didn't do anything worth my time there....even got a knife through my shoulder when the Queen I was accompanying was killed by an assassin. I was done." She explains with a frown, you can tell something else about it bothers her, but you'd rather not press your curiosity.

"The things I miss when I'm elsewhere. Who needs a life at court anyway...I on the other hand was never meant to rule a castle. Perhaps it's a good thing my mother won't ever age, or die. And I have my freedom to roam the Continent as I please, a free woman bound by nothing but what I choose, and so I have." She gives you a downcast smile.

"I almost envy you Y/N. Truly. Now if only I could know what your Witcher happened to have wished for, but I'd rather not wake him. He almost looks peaceful in a sleeping bear kind of way." She adds while looking behind you at a snoozing Geralt, his chest slowly rising and falling with each soft breath.

You turn a loving gaze upon him, "Guess he does, doesn't he? Like a grimy sweaty mess of a man...my big grumpy bear." You muse, your eyes studying his face lovingly as a sudden idea comes to mind, you turn back to Yennefer with a mischievous smirk, "You know what, the bards recently single..."

Her face is almost a grimace as she shakes her head, "I'll take my chances elsewhere. But thank you Y/N, always watching out for me, usually pretty shit advice most often." She jests while rising to her feet, "I must be off before the town comes for my head, see you around...hopefully under better circumstances and with less destructive endings." You stand to your full height, a couple inches taller then Yennefer.

You both lean in for a parting hug, "Goodbye, Yennefer." Letting go of one another she hands you a small smile, "Try not to get killed Y/N."

"You. Try not to get involved with, well, you know." She nods before turning around and opening up a portal to some sunny ocean side market, you watch as she walks through it without another word, and off into the unknown she goes.

Yawning and feeling slightly off put from the whole ordeal, you turn to look over at Geralt, he's still out cold on the giant fluffy blue pillow. You smile adoringly at him before scooting yourself over, finally letting yourself rest near his peacefully sleeping form as you wait patiently for him to wake.

-

Tagged:  @notahappytree​ @ashleyforeverareject​ @sokkasdarling​ @kmuir1​​@haleypearce @diegos-butt​ (@auds24 sorry idk why ur name won’t work)

[louwie-luna]

A fun thing with my ADHD is that apparently it will randomly decide I’m ready to throw some of my writing out into the world, so I’ve posted the first chapter of this thing even though I’d told myself I’d never post a wip and I’ve no idea when it’ll be finished. But carpe diem and all that I guess. Read if you like! *** 15 Step

Rating: E Fandom: Harry Potter (Fuck JKR) Pairing: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin Additional Tags: Time Loops, Mental Health Issues, Drug Abuse, Alcohol Abuse, Depression, Suicidal Ideation, Poor attempts at humour, Angst with a happy ending.

Summary: Sirius has given up on his life ever becoming something more than just existing. His job is a joke, his childhood best friend hates him, and he’s never had a relationship for longer than six months. The universe has always fucked with him in one way or another, and he’s long since resigned to the fact.    He’s therefore only mildly concerned when he dies on the night of his thirty-fourth birthday. He’s more concerned by coming back again, on the evening of his thirty-fourth birthday.    OR    Sirius has a death wish. Remus has forgotten how to live. Together, they might make it out alive.    The Russian Doll: Wolfstar Edition no one ever asked for. Read on Ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/38184250/chapters/95395225

Chapter 1: At least I'm making the most of it                

 One

Through the thin walls of the bathroom, the party going at full blast felt like a physical thing; endless waves of sound that pushed and pushed and pushed until it felt like his skin was going to pull itself off his bones.

It could have something to do with the fact that Dorcas had rebuilt the bathroom into something that made him feel like he was at the bottom of a fish tank, with creepy blue spotlights set in the floor, reflecting up on the navy walls and concrete ceiling like sun beams in a water-filled cave. It made him slightly nauseous, like a pressure over his chest, as if he himself was underwater.

Sirius stared at the pale face in the mirror, framed by a frizzy black mane and a scruffy stubble, the pale blue eyes that had once been brimming with the certainty that anything was possible. Now, they looked as washed out as the rest of him felt.

Empty. Dead.

Shaking himself, he realised that the insistent banging probably wasn’t just coming from the inside of his head, despite the hangover he hadn’t had the time to shake. Someone was banging on the door. Repeatedly.

“All right, all right,” he muttered, turning the faucet off with an annoyed huff. If there had been a towel at the beginning of the night, it was nowhere to be seen now, so he wiped his hands on his black jeans and went to open the door before it caved in on itself. The door handle was shaped like a raven’s claw and exceptionally uncomfortable to hold. Fucking Dorcas.

Two women he didn’t know swept past him with unimpressed looks as he exited. The hallway was crowded, some just stood in groups chatting, and some obviously waiting for their turn in the bathroom, going by the sour looks they sent his way. Sirius just glared back. Who the hell even were they?

The sound was even worse out there, some godawful modern shit that grated at his nerves and did nothing to improve his mood. People were bopping along like idiots, as if they’d never heard proper music, like The Stooges. Or Zeppelin.

“Hey, birthday boy!” someone shouted over the noise. Dorcas was waving like a maniac at him from the kitchen area, her teal hair making her easy to spot through the mass of people. He headed over, grinning wide as he reached her.

“You have to try this,” Dorcas said when he reached her, giving him a side hug at the same time as she shoved a spliff in his face. “Gid got it from Jamal who got it from his new crew down in Croydon. It’s like – chef’s kiss.”

“If you do the hand gesture, you don’t have to say the actual words,” Sirius drawled, but he took the spliff and inhaled deeply. And then struggled not to cough his lungs out.

“Bloody hell, that’s strong,” he wheezed.

“Riiiight?” Dorcas gushed. “Oh, I’m like, floating but also not right now, you know? Like the molecules in here are just vibing so hard. Hey.” She looked at him with surprising focus. “Are you okay? You’re having fun, right? Please tell me you’re having fun or I will jump off the balcony and then kill myself with this knife.” She was doing something terrible with a watermelon, and it made him slightly concerned, considering her inebriated state.

“Where’s you keeper?” He asked in lieu of answering. Dorcas glared and waved the knife in his direction.

“Don’t call her that, that’s so derogatory. Mostly to me.”

As if summoned, Marlene sidled up to Dorcas and slung an arm around her waist. “There you are,” she said, looking at Sirius. “I thought you’d bailed already.”

“Me?” He touched his chest in feigned indignity. “I’d never. This is a blast. You know I love a good surprise party when I’ve specifically, repeatedly, said I didn’t want to do anything special.”

Dorcas’ smile fell from her face. Marlene sighed.

“We thought you could use some cheering up,” She gave him a once-over. “You’ve been so down lately –“ Yikes, he must be in a really bad place if even his friends could see it “- and you’ve never turned down a reason to party.”

 Yeah, when it was just us and the twins and Jame– the others from the old crew. Not these fucking wankers.

“Very thoughtful,” Sirius said. “However, I would have appreciated to deal with my impending midlife crisis in isolation, not have it flaunted for all to see.” He took another drag of whatever it was Dorcas had given him. His head was spinning.

“You’re thirty-four, not forty,” Dorcas snipped. She was clearly upset he didn’t appreciate her efforts with the do. Sirius didn’t care. It was her own fault for forcing it upon him. He had Ben & Jerry’s in his freezer, for Christ’s sake. Unopened. All alone, waiting for him. It was a travesty.

“And we all know I’ll be lucky if I make it to fifty. If anything, my midlife crisis is a couple years overdue.” He grinned at them, but Marlene gave him a strange look, and even Dorcas stopped looking like she’d sucked a lemon.

“Don’t talk like that,” Marlene said. Fifteen years of friendship shone through her worried gaze, and it made something uncomfortable unfurl in his stomach. Sirius rolled his eyes so he wouldn’t have to look at her.

“I smoke like a fucking chimney, I can’t remember the last time I was sober for more than two days in a row, and the only reason I eat my vegetables is because that’s what any self-respecting gay man would do.” He smirked and opened a bottle of beer conveniently waiting for him on the counter. “At least I’m making the most of it, right?”

Marlene was not impressed, judging by the way she pursed her lips, so before she could say anything stupid, like go back to rehab, he blurted,

“Minnie’s gone.”

Dorcas, bless her, gasped. “What? Minnie, no!”

“What do you mean, gone?” Marlene looked like she hadn’t let him off the hook just yet, but at least she was humouring him.

“Gone like, she hasn’t been home for a couple days, and usually she’s only gone a few hours, half a day, tops. I’ve looked everywhere, even left some of that fancy food she likes down with Pete at the shop, but there’s been no sign of her.”

Dorcas frowned at him. “What did I tell you, Sirius, you can’t let a cat outside like that! You live in the middle of London, for Christ’s sake.”

“Minnie’s a free spirit, okay? Like me. She’d be miserable locked up inside all day. She needs to wander.”

“Wander out in traffic and get hit by a car?” Marlene retorted, and Dorcas slapped her arm.

“That was so unnecessary, Marls. You know what he’s like with that bloody cat.”

Sirius drank half his beer in one go to dispel the pictures of Minnie’s little body lying in the gutter somewhere, something he’d been trying to do to no avail for the past three days. He needed something stronger.

“Hey,” Marls said, softer now, placing a hand on his arm. “Tomorrow, we’ll help you look for her, alright? Print some posters and put them up around her usual hideouts.”

“Thanks,” he replied, and he actually meant it through the hollow thing that lived in his chest.

Marls’ gaze didn’t leave his face. “Do you want the number for that therapist I mentioned? I’ll help make the call, even. Just say the word.”

Sirius scoffed and shook his head with a grin. “God, why are you being such a fucking downer, Marls? This is a party, for crying out loud. We’re supposed to have fun!”

With that, he dragged Dorcas with him to the dance floor, which was just their living room with all the furniture pushed up against the walls, and then tried to let whateverthefuck this music was seep into his body. Dorcas shook her head.

“You know, for all that I’m supposed to be the youngest one here, you’re the one who acts twenty-two.” The music seemed to seep into her body just fine, her movements smooth and practiced.

“What can I say, it’s my wonderful personality keeping me young.” He finished his beer and looked around for something else to drink.

“Marls worries about you.” Dorcas placed her little hands on his shoulders, concern evident on her face. “And I know we haven’t known each other as long as you guys, but I worry too.”

Sirius grabbed her face in both hands and planted a loud kiss on her forehead. She tasted like foundation and hair spray. “Don’t be silly, Dorky.” He pulled back and grinned at her. “You know me, love, I always make it through.” Read the rest there: https://archiveofourown.org/works/38184250/chapters/95395225 (why does dumblr refuse to imbed links hhhh)

[miraphoenix]

☕ +

:D

Opinions! About fish!

Well, first and foremost, keeping saltwater aquariums is largely a fucking disastrous idea, for the health of the fish and for the reef they were likely collected from. There are... Not many species of reef fish that can be successfully captive bred, so most of them are wild-caught! Which is obviously. Not great.

Keeping freshwater fish... It depends on the species, right? There are some that are incredibly easy to keep and breed (stares at my convict cichlids and their 75 babies) in captivity, but then there are some that you probably shouldn't have. Either because their care needs are just WAY beyond the capacity of most home aquaria, because their collection from the wild is detrimental, their accidental/purposeful release into the wild would be detrimental, or because the production of the fish results in enormous human suffering. Most of the "mega fish" are in this category, frankly; big catfish, snakeheads arowana, etc. But even goldfish can fit here, because... They need space. And they can't just be released. Carp destroy ecosystems they aren't native to, and a goldfish is just a carp with a good PR team.

I guess it boils down to people... Needing to think about their actions before they decide to take care of an animal. Everyone wants something flashy and shiny, but that's... Not great for the animal or for the environment. Fish are, by and large, wild or tamed animals; there are only a few that are truly domestic, with a few in the process of domestication. They are exotic animals under the definition of many vet practices. They are animals with complex care needs, including the need for species-relevant enrichment. Many species should not, in my opinion, be kept by hobby keepers. Needless to say, this is not a popular opinion.

~~

In less. Bitter thoughts. XD

I love fish, I really do...! They're phenomenal animals, with a lot more going on in their heads than they get credit for. Every time I see a new paper talking about facial recognition in fish, I feel a flash of vindication for observations I've made since I started keeping fish. They are beautiful critters, and I love them dearly. Even when they bite me.

Case in point; when I was in undergrad, a paper came out about the sister species of the fish I worked with. The paper was on intraspecific facial recognition--how the fish recognize each other, in other words--and it turned out based on a very fun experiment involving photo manipulation and virtual fish, that these particular cichlids use the unique striping on each other's faces to (visually) recognize each other. I thought this was the coolest thing in the world. And yet the lab didn't. Seem to give a shit. My advisor thought it was interesting, but not as wonderful as I did. So I took this information. And I photographed their faces. I made a little chart of all of my fish, like the ID charts that are made for orcas or humpback whales. And I could watch my fish behave, without having to tag them or clip any fins to tell them apart, because I could simply look at their face and know them as an individual.

I also love so many extinct fish? I maintain that if I was able to time-travel to a point in history, I would choose the Oregon coastline during the late Miocene, so I could watch some of the first giant kelp forests, and the migration of Oncorhynchus rastrosus, the "sabretoothed salmon". Because who doesn't want to see a 2.3m long fish swimming up river?

I guess in closing? I feel like fish deserve way more respect and care than they're given. Their lives are magical, too.

[justnoodlefishthings]

Not trying to play devil’s advocate but I’ve had plenty of sororities work out? All five were 5 females in a heavily planted 30 gallon, all introduced at the same time, all about the same size. I never had stress stripes or torn fins, and the only deaths were from old age (3+ yrs old) and one unfortunate overheating mishap. I agree they can be hard to do; a beginner should never try and you will ALWAYS need backup tanks, but if someone is ready for one they should be allowed to try.

why would anyone take the risk of having their animals beat the ever loving shit out of each other and rip them apart....sis that should never even enter your realm of thought

“im gonna keep these highly aggressive animals together in tight quarters. they may or may not slaughter each other in a free for all death match hahaha guess I’ll find out :)”

like there’s plenty of colorful and personable fish that DON’T want to commit crimes against humanity upon each other and do well in schools. 

betta people just have shit idiot brain fungus and think they’re the Chosen One who will somehow carpe the diem out of these fish’s natural aggressive tendencies....just get guppies lmao