#these two i wanted to have 4-6 chapters max and i have maybe half of 1 chapter of each done

[maccca-chino]

Fanfiction Q&A

tagged by @thepagemistress , thank youuuuu! <3

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

a whopping 4 can you tell I don't write fics often!

though there actually used to be a few more short oneshots, but when I fell rather violently out of love with SPN, which they were for I just. couldn't stand to see them in there anymore (and I didn't like the writing itself anymore either) and I ended up deleting them... ^^"

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

41,198 (and the deleted fics would only have added around maybe 1000 words? 2k max but I don't even think they added up to that much)

3. What fandoms do you write for?

the only fics left are for DBH now, I have considered writing for Sandman, but tbh. there's sooooo many good writers in this fandom, anything I want to exist as fics is pretty much already there or in progress of being made and so I'm rather content to focus on art, slow at it though I may be :'D

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

er, well since there's only 4 of em:

1. no one can tell where your heart is (885, still in progress. and has been for a while I am so sorry)

2. lay bare the fire in me (328, .....the same as above. but I do have outlines for both fics, they WILL get finished dammit :'D)

3. and I don’t dance, but here I am (87, ...which is the sequel to 1 I couldn't wait to write even though the main fic isn't done yet xD)

4. freedom is a length of rope (34)

also yes, I am indeed very fond of the lower case titles

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I usually do or try to, even if it's just a short answer, because I love engaging with people over things that are important to me (and with comments I don't have to start the conversdation so to speak).

I do however have a few comments left in my inbox that I have not answered due to the crushing guilt of not having updated in so long.

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

freedom is a length of rope (technically also in progress to have a more hopeful ending added, but the longer it exists, the more I want to. keep the angsty ending it has. also guess where that title is from lmao)

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

and I don’t dance, but here I am though the in progress fics will likely end on the same level of everything is good and nothing hurts

8. Do you get hate on fics?

no, people have been very nice and also so infinitely patient with me! TAT

While not hostile, the weirdest I got was someone trying to convince me to let them sort of cowrite the fic with me? I respectfully declined because I did (I do TAT) have the general story outlined.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

...haven't yet, but the two fics in progres will have it. We'll find out h kind then I suppose.

No sure I'd ever be confident enough for pwp.

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

I have not and don't know if I would? If I did I'd probably only very loosely do it, because I am not confident I could do each included world/fandom justice. That's easier with art for me than writing.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

not to my knowledge, but with barely any existing and only half of em finished I would be surprised :'D

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

I.. don't think so.

13. Have you ever cowritten a fic before?

no, and tbh I'd probably be very intimidated to try.

14. What's your all-time favourite ship?

....ohhhhh noooooo, I hate picking favorites :'D

but I think one that's been with me since forEVER is Ace Attorney's Wrightworth (or NaruMitsu as I got to know it hehe).

In newer terms I think Dreamling will stick with me too.

15. What's a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

freedom is a length of rope like I said, the more I think about "fixing" what happened in chapter 1 in an additional chapter, the more I find myself leanign towards "no. this works better as an angsty oneshot"

maybe one day.

16. What are your writing strengths?

hmmm, not sure I write enough to really find em. minimalism? Shorter stories in a more minimal style I'd say.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

hilariously, I think that's also minimalism. because writing longer overarcing storylines when this is your go to becomes difficult.

Or maybe that's just "long interesting storylines that aren't super predictable or cliché"

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic.

well, I am German, so if the opportunity presented itself for a character where it works I could.

as far as writing in general in English goes. idk, I spent a lot of my time conversing and writing in English even outside the internet, and it's hard for me to judge how well lI'm doing in terms of er. written eloquence? I try my best and that's all I can do really.

For languages I don't know, I'd probably try to find someone who knows them or make really sure I've got it correct, I don't trust google translate enough :'D

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Supernatural

unless we count the NaruMitsu proposal RP I wrote with a friend in ICQ, but that was never published outside that chatroom xD

20. Favourite fic you've ever written?

no one can tell where your heart is

as far behind as I am with updating it and as much as I feel like I bit off a bit more than I should've with it, it's my baby ;w;

Offering this up for anyone who feels so inclined to answer and tagging @wizardofgoodfortune , @wordsinhaled and @academicblorbo but no pressure! <3

[kedreeva]

Number 17 for the ask meme! ( ᐛ )

17) Do you have any wips that you can tell us about? What are you most excited for in you wip?

So, anyone that knows me knows that I have a policy of not having more than 3 WIPs going at any time, and I recently learned I have to have more than 1 going. This is very important to me because if I have more than 3 or only 1, my brain starts stressing out and instead of being hugely prolific like I'm capable of, I write nothing instead. Askbox prompts don't "count" to my brain and, actually, finishing one seems to trigger the "we finished a WIP" response in my brain during time of crisis (4 WIPs). That's not what you asked but I wanted to say it to explain why I have the number I have.

So currently I have 3! With the great desire to have more I'm refusing to admit exist.

The first is the obvious one! It's an original version of The Final Pack, and I'm in the middle of the last chapter of part 1. My gosh is to finish it by new year's. Part 1 is the early stages of the story, the way Osker ends up out in the apocalypse with a pack of werewolves instead of nestled safely in a human camp with other humans. The premise, if you're unfamiliar, is that the apocalypse came and went 6 years ago and in the aftermath, humans and supernatural creatures have been at war. It has not gone well in most places. The story kicks off with my main character finding out actually supernatural creatures are people not monsters and maybe humans have been wrong all along. This is the one I'm most excited about, because it'll be the first original novel I've actually finished in.... Well, years and years. And I intend to eventually publish it!

The second WIPi have is a story I'm cowriting with @fiore-della-valle. My half of the story is from Eddie's POV, where he wakes up trapped in the In Between with Max's consciousness. They are currently trying to figure out how to communicate with the outside world and how to get out together to wake up back in their bodies. There's like one person reading this one, and I love them for that and promise to finish it for them.

My third and final WIP is my sentinel AU!!! I JUST figured out what I want to overall do with it. Basically Steve gets activated as a sentinel (a human who can sense things way better than normal) and Eddie gets voluntold to be his guide, and then the spicy six move into a house together and shenanigans ensue until the plot finds them. I love shenanigans and The Plot.

Since I'm nearly finished with part 1 of final pack, I CAN say that I'm planning to do a sequel (two actually) of my King Eddie story, one covering Steve's side of things between Eddie's death and them finding out Eddie isn't dead, and then one from his time post return, being Max's new older brother and falling for Steve. Yay!

[emeriethevalkyriegirl]

Totally Spies (Valkyrie) Chapter 11

@sunshinebingo @aelinchocolatelover

4 hours later

“Come on, Diana! Show those bad guys who’s boss!” Emerie cheered for the amazon princess while munching on popcorn.

The girls had taken advantage of their stay in the organization and turned their new dorm into their own personal hideout. After exploring their rooms, Gwyn suggested that they watch some TV while on their first day here. The guys have told them that they’ll call them down for training in a couple of hours. So, the girls changed into their workout outfits and proceed to kill some time.

Currently, the three girls have decided to watch Wonder Woman on HBO max. The girls were at the climax of the movie. Nesta was slurping up her half-empty soda, Gwyn was wincing at all the parts that involved punching or kicking, and Emerie was air-punching whenever Diana would start fighting. Emerie grabbed a handful of popcorn and shoved it in her mouth. “Told ya this movie was awesome.”

“I’m more of an MCU fan myself,” Nesta replied as Emerie gasped. “What! MCU!?” Nesta smirked. “Yep. Marvel is way better with their characters then DC.”

“At least DC doesn’t wait years for more Marvel content. They just work on the next episode for the next series instead of focusing on the movies.”

“Like Teen Titans Go?”

“....okay that reboot was a bitch, but STILL!”

As the two girls continued to playfully argue, Gwyn heard a faint knock at the door. “Hey guys, someone’s here.” she said as Emerie and Nesta stopped talking and looked at the door. “Who is it?”

“It’s Tamlin.” The girls smiled and rushed to the door, eager to greet their friend. Nesta made it to the door first and swung it open. Tamlin was leaning on the edge of the door frame with a smug look on his face. “Hi, Tamlin.” Gwyn greeted as Tamlin gave her a look of shock, but it faded away quickly. “Nice to see you again. I was afraid I never would.”

“How come?” Emerie asked as Tamlin gulped and cleared his throat. “Oh, nothing. Cassian told me to come get you for training,” he replied pointing his thumb in the direction of the training gym. “You girls ready?” he asked as the girls nodded.

After grabbing their stuff from their rooms, the girls walked out of their dorm to follow Tamlin to the training center. “So, Tamlin it’s been a while since we’ve seen you,” Nesta said trying to start a conversation. Emerie butted in. “Yeah, how come we don’t see you as often as we do with Rhysand and his brothers?” Tamlin laughed nervously, rubbing his hand at the back of his head. “I...actually don’t work for Prythian.”

The girls stopped walking. “YOU DON’T!?” they exclaimed rather loudly. Luckily no one was around to hear them. Tamlin chuckled. “Nope. I live in Hewn City with my dad. Our organization is called Spring.” he explained as the girls looked at him with excitement. “So, they’re other organizations besides Prythian? How many are there?”

“I think about 6. Maybe 7.” Tamlin answered, trying to think back on his history of the organizations. “What’s it like there? At Spring?” Nesta asked. “Well, we have a pool, an all-day spa and saloon, a 24/7 open game room-”

“GAME ROOM!” Emerie shouted, practically jumping for joy. “Oh, I love video games.” she cried as Tamlin laughed. “You can come visit anytime if you want,” Tamlin suggested as the girls gasped. “Really?” Gwyn chimed. Tamlin nodded in confirmation. “Yeah, I can send you the-”

“Yo, Flower boy.” The conversation was now at an end. The girls and Tamlin turned around to find Cassian standing behind them. He wasn’t his usual annoying self. His tone was serious. Scary even. Cassian’s attention was on Tamlin. “I thought I told you to take them to the training center.” Tamlin frowned. “I was.”

“Didn’t look like it.” Cassian fired back, rolling his eyes. He turned his attention to the girls. “He’s not bothering you, is he?” Cassian suddenly asked him. Why would Tamlin be bothering them? They were friends. And why did Cassian even care? Nesta glared. “He was helping us. We’re fine,” she said, her change of tone feeling like a slap to the face. Cassian rubbed his nose with his index finger and thumb and sighed. “Whatever. Come on, you’re already 5 minutes late.”

---------------

“Are you sure this is necessary?” Gwyn asked nervously rubbing her arms together making it look like she was hugging herself. Once the girls said goodbye to Tamlin, they continued their way to the training center. This time, Cassian was going to teach them about their footwork even though they all insisted that they didn’t need it if all they were gonna do was punch a couple of guys.

So, Cassian decided to give the girls a demonstration on footwork. And Gwyn was going to help him. All she had to do was attack him with as much force as possible. But Gwyn felt sick to her stomach having to hit one of her friends. Well, Cassian wasn’t really a friend. More like a good person. She hasn’t known him for very long yet.

Cassian was looking down at her with his arms crossed, his expression laid with confusion but also impatience. “I’ll be fine Gwyn. All you gotta do is punch me.”

“But won’t it hurt?” Cassian was about to make a sarcastic remark about her not having the strength to knock him down but decided against thinking it would just make her cry. “That’s all part of training. Now dig deep and hit me as hard as you can.” Cassian replied. Gwyn gulped and curled her fingers into a fist, being mindful of leaving her thumb out of it.

“You can do it, Gwyn!” Gwyn heard Nesta cheer from the sidelines holding a thumbs up. Emerie jumped in the air and punched the air as she did back in the dorm. “Yeah! Kick his ass!” Inhaling, Gwyn raised her arm and threw her punch right for Cassian’s ribs.

Once the fist had collided with Cassian’s rib, Gwyn reeled her hand back and placed pressure on top of her hand. “Ouch! Why is your body so-” Gwyn didn’t have time to finish her sentence. One second, she was standing on her feet, the next she was on the ground, her back to the floor. She didn’t even realize Cassian had the upper hand until she was down.

Her friends stood in shock at their friend. “How did-? What did you do?!” Nesta cried out as Cassian stood up from tripping Gwyn. “I tripped her. It’s a basic move for your lower body strength. Best way to do it is when your opponent is distracted.” he explained holding out a hand to Gwyn. Gwyn gratefully accepted and walked back to her friends. “Another reason why I was able to trip your friend was her lack of footwork. If I recall correctly, Gwyn’s feet were standing so close together that they were practically touching.” Cassian added like it was that obvious.

“What I’m trying to say is, you need as much lower body strength as your upper body strength. You can’t have one without the other.” Nesta, Gwyn, and Emerie looked at each other and back to Cassian. “So, how are we supposed to work on our lower body strength?” Emerie instantly regretted those words the moment they came out of her mouth. Smirking, Cassian brought out a thin TV remote and pressed one of the buttons.

Immediately, a giant ray gun appeared from the ceiling, aiming itself right at the girls. “Cardio test activated.” The gun said to them ready to fire. Nesta and Gwyn glared at their friend. “You had to open your big mouth.”

[terramythos]

A Study in Scarlet by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle Reading Notes

Full Review Here!

-while I am going into these mostly blind (literally my max exposure to Sherlock Holmes is some of the show Elementary and the Guy Ritchie films) this specific story is a little spoiled for me. Oh well -there is licherally no publication year on my copy lmao What (1887, thanks Google) Part 1 (ooo a two parter- scandalous) Chapter 1 - Mr. Sherlock Holmes -ill be real I have like no context for the afghan war except Classic British Colonialism part six billion or whatever -"the great wilderness of London" lmfao -I feel like I vaguely knew Watson was an honest to God doctor but its still surprising considering what I know of other adaptations -shout out to Holmes inventing a fictional(?) version of luminol? Which apparently was discovered early 20th century, lol. -too bad forensic evidence is still so sketchy a century and a half later, Holmes -BOY I WISH THE POLICE WERE A THING OF THE PAST, BRO. -Holmes meets Watson for the first time and almost immediately stabs himself in the finger to prove a point. The serve Chapter 2 - The Science of Deduction -"haha no way is he addicted to narcotics" oh my sweet summer child -watson: I swear I'm only super fascinated by Mr Holmes because my health sucks and I'd be bored otherwise that's it I swear. -ooh I like the observation that Holmes is basically self taught and ignorant of a lot of things people take for granted. I don't think I've gotten that impression about the character before -i mean it's impossible now not to know Holmes is a detective, but since this was the first story, I have to wonder if some original readers really didn't know going in. If so this bit would be fun because based on the character study and Watson's list of Holmes' knowledge you can figure it out yourself. -watson: man this writer is full of shit, what a moron Holmes: me? :) God that's funny -the unintentional prophecy of Holmes wanting to "make my name famous". God lmfao Chapter 3 - The Lauriston Gardens Mystery -oh hey the actual crime mystery is here -rip random American dude I guess? -goddamn that setting description really digs into a bleak tone, huh -my main observation is the apartment was seemingly abandoned if the dust is any indication, so he was not a resident but brought there. Poisoned makes sense if he was not injured -ok, lol, the Rache thing NOT being Rachel is the thing I had spoiled, and they've already dropped that in the intro chapter to the crime. So I guess I don't know where this is going. Fun! Chapter 4 - What John Rance Had To Tell -watson is smart actually -though I think RACHE being a red herring as Holmes suggests is way too easy -tho Holmes guessing the murderers appearance leads me to believe it's someone he knows. (Also weird that Rance is also a five letter R-E word). -could even make the argument that it could be a fucked up version where the C and H are switched and mutilated, but I have no clue why if the murderer supposedly did it -then again I also don't know why the murderer was the injured one with no sign of a struggle. Maybe a third person? Or something unrelated/accidental? OR the dead dude wasn't actually poisoned, we only have the police's word on that -OH HE SAID THE TITLE OOOOOHHHH -also Holmes seems more invested in the fun of the mystery than the fact some dude was fucking murdered, presumably by a friend based on what he said earlier Chapter 5 - Our Advertisement Brings A Visitor -watson be like "well the guy was fuck ugly so it's probably good he got murdered" like bro??? -yeah no way is this the culprit. Like we're maybe a quarter into the book. If it IS him then there's way more to it -Some Rando In Disguise It Seems -tho I have to say putting an ad out for a (potentially?) valuable piece of lost jewelry like a wedding ring would attract grifters whether they had any relation to the murder or not. Seems like a weird oversight to the plan. Chapter 6 - Tobias Gregson Shows What He Can Do -seeing how 3 different papers frame the murder, specifically political motivations, is a little funny even if I'm missing some of the context of the time. -interesting frame for the chapter, someone else telling a story to the leads. I guess it adds some variety to the presentation (and lets us see red herrings that wouldn't trip up Holmes) -some of the terminology didn't age well, which is unsurprising -- "street Arab" rather than "street urchin". -HOW THE TURNTABLES. THE PLOT THICKENS. ETC Chapter 7 - Light in the Darkness -RACHE again. Hmmmmm. Only this time it WOULD be the victim's blood, not the murderer's. Is the handwriting the same? Plus the original height observation? And the first RACHE was almost hidden, but this one seems more in the open based on what Lestrade said. -again the use of framing where one of the less capable detectives talks about what they've done and discovered to add some variety -ok so this guy was murdered in a much different way than the other, which seems odd, unless someone else did this one. -and the pills point to Stangerson killing Drebber, but then who killed Stangerson? If he was poisoned he would have been stabbed independently of that. -and why two different kinds of pills. Is one an antidote to the other, maybe? It's possible the murderer planted it in Stangerson's room, but why, if the goal was to implicate him? So it probably is actually his. -holmes just knowing and there being some plot contrivance why he can't say does kinda fizzle the stakes a little (never mind this gets resolved in like 2 pages) -but assuming he IS right, I was correct about there being 2 people... which might explain the differences in the 2 murders? -the cab driver! He was mentioned early then everyone seemingly forgot he was present around the time Drebber died. -"it's the end of the mystery!" Uh yeah except the second person is almost certainly at large and there's an entire second part to the story, Holmes. Lol. Lmao Part 2 - The Country of the Saints Chapter 1-- On The Great Alkali Plain -colonialist worldview ahoy -doyle my guy you know quite literally nothing about ecology here like it's ok to admit it -*lists 3 predators* "these are the only guys that live here, in the great miserable American plains," that's not how any food chain works. Also you live in fucking London -I'll stop roasting him lmao -i guess it's like the Nevada salt flats or something?? A little more valid I guess -... huh. -this is quite the framing for part 2 of a murder mystery I'll be real. -the idea of this huge mass of white people traveling through the western desert and biblical references in the like makes me think of Mormons more than anything... -and Stangerson makes his appearance here which sure is fascinating if the dude fucking died (unless the whole antidote and fake death thing is the real shit). Or he has a twin or something. Or this is the past. -oh my god they are Mormons -why are there Mormons making pilgrimage in the salt flats in the first Sherlock Holmes murder mystery??? This shit is wild -"my kid now" ok, word, Ferrier -bringham young is in this SHERLOCK HOLMES story and is also a fucking dick. I'm going insane   Chapter 2 - The Flower of Utah -ferrier gay as fuck let's just be real here -so is this like where the backstory for the wedding ring comes from? If so this is pretty extensive. I do wonder how it all ties into the first story. Like we went full cowboy western here -twu wuv exposition etc Chapter 3 - John Ferrier Talks With The Prophet -"the Mormons suck by the way" ok Doyle go off? -i have to emphasize again that Brigham Young is a character in this fucking Sherlock Holmes story. Like. A villain. This is just crazy to me lmao -The Danites were a real thing apparently? Man. -my guy put in a FOOTNOTE and CITATION about Mormons being misogynistic. There are no footnotes anywhere in the story except to be like "no really they called women heifers here's the guy who said it" I am literally not making this shit up. Doyle based actually??? Chapter 4 - A Flight For Life -we are like half through the second part and I have to fucking state again this is a Sherlock Holmes murder mystery thats just straight up a western now with Brigham Young as the antagonist with the title character nowhere in sight -it hasnt been like outright stated and he could just be tan but theres so many references to Ferrier having brown skin it does make me wonder if he isn't white. The only thing that would be odd with that is he isn't racially discriminated against in a Mormon compound. Especially since his adopted daughter is deffo white & he is discriminated against for NOT taking wives. I can't see that really happening if he isn't white -"there are two ways out of the room... there is the door, and there is the window. Which do you care to use?" DAMN dude -Stangerson & Drebber really do be 2 complete cunts huh. Fuck those guys -doyle: I need to name the guy who rescues Ferrier and Lucy from the Mormons. In America. I got it! "Jefferson Hope" Chapter 5 - The Avenging Angels -we got 3 chapters left??? -"once safe in Carson we may rest for the remainder of our lives" is that on the nose foreshadowing -at least now the wilderness is being described in beautiful terms -Oh RIP Ferrier I guess. They bothered to dig a grave, lol? -honestly I'm a little surprised they didn't try to hunt Jefferson Hope down for good measure since they're supposed to be ultra vindictive. Unless they didn't know he was with them? I guess maybe they didn't? -... nope, they knew and put out a warrant. Again why not try to track him? Too hard? -and convenient random guy Hope happens to know who doesn't hate him who we havent ever seen before -lmao he just leaves her to die I guess? "Oh well some rando married her so it's all over"?? Surely true love would, I dunno, trump social conventions? I guess not LMAO -i guess that's one way to circle around to the first half of the story Chapter 6 - A Continuation of the Reminiscences of John Watson, M.D. -I'll be honest, it could be because this is the first story written about Holmes, but I'm pretty confident this WASNT a mystery one could figure out based on the evidence presented, which is something I was led to believe was a staple of these stories. But I guess it's possible the style just wasn't nailed down yet -maybe you could figure out how the crime was committed but not the motive -that line about vengeance might be the quote to use -I like this part of the narrative where we really see into Hope's actions. I think so much of the story in America was unnecessary; I just didn't feel strongly about the characters like I do actually seeing his perspective here. Why bother with the whole stranded in the desert thing and going into so much detail about how Lucy and Ferrier came to live in Salt Lake City? I dunno, I think it might have been better to be shorter and from Hope's perspective if you must include that section of the story at all - and again, it's not like you could have figured out all that shit based on the first half of the story. I appreciate the kinda experimental time jump but I don't think it worked great -ok the Russian roulette pill thing is a bit weird but sure king, go for it -i know it's metaphorical probably but I like the kinda Gothic touch of Lucy and Ferrier following him to the murder   -"let us see if there is justice upon the earth, or if we are ruled by chance" ok that's pretty raw, go off king -i mean if I have to choose a revenge story from around this period I'd definitely go for Monte Cristo but this is fun too -why try to cover up the crime with the whole Rache thing if you know you're gonna die tho lol -i guess to buy time to kill Stangerson too? Chapter 7 - The Conclusion -I do like the detail that the murderer's blood was on the scene but not the victim. That WAS revealed early but I never suspected a bloody nose to be the source. If it had been a wound there probably would have been evidence of it; a limp or something. That is pretty clever. -but on the other hand, Holmes WAS privy to information we never get (Hope's name and connection to Drebber), so I wouldn't call this a fair mystery. -lestrade and Gregson getting all the credit as predicted lmao -my man closes with Latin? I gotta look it up -"The public hiss at me, but I cheer myself when in my own house I contemplate the coins in my strong-box." -basically, I'm awesome even if no one knows it Well! That was interesting. I liked the mystery itself, and the revenge narrative portion of the conclusion. It's a strong start to a famous character. I think we get a little lost in the weeds with the time jump in the second half of the story, way too much detail and I don't think it focused on the right characters for most of it. Also I have to be a stickler on the fair mystery thing; there are some things you can deduce, but Holmes literally had info we never receive so it's ultimately not fair. I hope this does genuinely change in future stories. I certainly didn't mean to start with the first one, that was an honest accident lmao

[due4amiracle]

Day 400

Listo:

Laundry/cleaning, Reading, Dailies, #TTRPGThings, Watching.

Laundry/cleaning - Threw away a thing or two. ✔

Reading things - - No holds no holds NO HOLDS!. 111 for the year, 23 for the month! - Learning to Give (Hawthorn Academy #4) by D.R. Perry 100%! 3🌟 Doot doot trundling along! - Light of Equality (Hawthorn Academy #5) by D.R. Perry 53%! So much drama, so little time! - Manhwa: Survive as the Hero’s Wife 2 chapters of this read Nope🚫! UwU♡ ✔✔✔🚫

Dailies - - Waifu Did mah dailies! Also, level ?/50 BP now~! AND! Tree lvl 27/50! Also! 24/39 max friendship namecards acquired! New MONTH! new weeklies! Chasm gem thingy is level 6/10! ♡ω♡✔  - Cozy Grove - Doot doot continuing to scout along! Scout rank 17/17! 17/21 besties! More stuff more things! ♡ω♡ ✔ Well then.

Shells - 93/254 - 36.6% Fish - 90/180 - 50% Bugs - 97/199 - 48.7% Flowers - 253/372 - 68% Cooking - 64/71 - 90.1% Raw Ingredients - 38/54 - 70.4% Materials - 51/63 - 81% Recipes - 343/3619 - 9.48% ♡ω♡✔

- Pokémon Legends: Arceus - Star 8/10 get! 174 caught, 104 max level research pages~. |Alpha||Catch||MaxR/Total - Area |   49  ||   72  ||   70/85 - ObsiField |   47  ||   66  ||   64/75 - CrimMire |   52  ||   79  ||   78/96 - CobCoast |   49  ||   77  ||   75/90 - CoroHigh |   35  ||   71  ||   68/91 - AlabIce ♡ω♡ 🚫

- Coromon - ♡ω♡ 🚫

- Ooblets - 42/131 little frands, because why not track something. ♡ω♡ 🚫

- SWToR - Played about five and a half hours today, bringing me up to fourteen and a half hours total played. Whew. Lots of truckin’ about on Coruscant. ♡ω♡✔ UwU♡ ✔✔🚫🚫🚫✔

#TTRPGThings - Worked a little bit on backstory stuff for D&D character. Fantasized and worked more on the MagiKids thing. Sigh. ✔

Watching things - - Think i narrowed it down to SAO Alicization. TBF i ain’t gonna start shit until steroids are done, so that could totally change. - Misfits and Magic episode 1!

Other things - Daily Diarrhea Diary - Well, little loosey-goosey - but that could very well be because period. Which i woke up to it having started in earnest. So that’s fun. Did hear about my Father - ruptured appendix. He’d been in the hospital since Tuesday, but He’s home now, as of like 4 hours ago. He’s feeling fine, all things considered. He checks in with the doctor 10 days after He finishes His antibiotics and that should be that. So, phew. Had my appointment, that went well, will hook back up with her again middle of next month, that’s lovely. It was a lovely appointment, all about my Mother and trauma and such. Next time she wants to talk about my getting overwhelmed and digging my nails into my skin to ground myself. So. That’ll be great. Sigh. But not much else. Very exhausted, need a shower, bug people did not come - and i saw-and-killed a giant sp*der ugh, fight or flight kicked in and i panicked and there was no time so SMOOSH AND PANIC so yea, that happened - ahem. Anyways. they did not come so maybe Monday? maybe never. Who knows. Not me. So tired. Achey. Ready for bed.

Food: A Liquid: A Pain: B Brain: C

Tomorrow: Laundry/cleaning, Reading, Dailies, #TTRPGThings, Watching.

Ever Onwards and Upwards!

[andaniellight]

Do you have personal Frank/Matt favorite fic recs?

Since there are already 1262 fics in Frank Castle/Matt Murdock category in ao3, and I’m new in this ship, I’d love you to worsen my brainrot by kindly sending me fic recommendations. 😃

So far, the fics I’ve read that kicked my neurons just right are these (completed and incomplete ones):

1. The Good Side of You by jayyxx

Tags / Notes: Rating - Mature (M)

Hurt/Comfort, Post-Episode: s02e11 .380, Slow Burn, Bathing/Washing, First Aid, frank and matty stuck in a cabin— k i s s i n g   

Honestly, straight up 13 chapters of good shit. Personal favorite notes from ch. 1 that sold me right off the bat: 

He (Matthew) can almost hear Foggy’s laugh after he tells him that Frank Castle —very gently, softly, kindly?— washed his hair for him while Matt slowly regenerated blood cells in a half-empty bathtub.

It really does feel nice, but that’s not weird to Matt. Frank is a father, he probably washed his kid's hair all the time. What’s strange is how Frank is reacting to it. Like he’s also enjoying it. Like maybe he enjoys having someone to look after, to care for, to wash their hair.

2. On Coming Home series by SaturnChild 

Tags / Notes: Rating - Mature (M) & Explicit (E) 🔞

Lots (seriously, LOTS) of Mental Health Issues, Please Do Mind The Tags, Might trigger anxiety and suicidal tendencies. The “Low Lights” one has spicy sexual stuff that is just up my alley like hoooly shit.

These ones are some heavy reads, I’m not going to lie, to the point I had to take breaks every now and then just to breathe and shake some thoughts. It’s addicting, though. Because I had it ready on my phone so I could read it while waiting for traffic lights to go green on my way to pick up my sister, three - four days in a row.

The kinds of fics that I’d obsess over if I was 18 again and haven’t seen and talked to any therapist/psychologist tbh.

3. Intense by  Nymphalidae

Tags / Notes: Rating - 🔥🔥🔥🔞🔞🔞

Unfinished (dunno yet or not), but still satisfying nonetheless, imho. There are 5 chapters so far. No thoughts, head empty, just them Doing It at any given time, anywhere. The characterizations are on point, also imo.

4. Strange Loyalties by mothmanfucker666

Tags / Notes: Rating - General Audience (GA) :D :D :D

PROTECTIVE FRANK CASTLE. 

Slice of life-ish story where Frank Castle met (and helped) Peter Parker, took care of the kid a little bit, and asked Matt to send the kid back home. Bless the author for this tbh.

5. The Family We Choose by Captain_Holland

Tags / Notes: Rating - M

Summary: 

Matt finds a little orphan after a raid in a human trafficking ring. Knowing like no other how damaging an orphanage can be, he roams aimlessly through the streets of Hell's kitchen with the child in his arms and no clue what to do.

Thankfully, there's Frank.

It actually kills me to know that this wonderful, most ideal Kid Fic for them is left UNFINISHED. Basically, finding this fic is karma getting my ass for not finishing my own uploaded projects, so maybe I deserve it either way.

6. Not The Smartest Way to Start My Night by mothmanfucker666

Tags / Notes: Rating - GA :D :D :D

Another banger fic from mothmanfucker666!1!!1!!1 Yeah, this one is super cute, okay. A meet-cute where Matt is drunk and being his fruity self.

Summary:

"I walked away," Frank says slowly, staring out the glass sliding door facing the backyard of his apartment, "for five minutes. What the actual fuck."

Outside, there's a stranger sitting in the grass. A grey pitbull is wriggling delightedly in the stranger's lap as he scritches behind its ears. Frank's grey pitbull. It's Max.

"It's two in the goddamn morning," Frank splutters to himself.

Please check the replies to get more fanwork recs that you might want to give a try, not wanting to miss 😁 

[peppersonironi]

Sambucky Fic Recs #2

Part One |

Today's Theme: Soulmate Au's

Welcome to this today's theme! I happen to really enjoy these types of fics and thankfully there's a decent selection in the sambucky tag! Here are Ten fics for your enjoyment! (more under the cut)

1. A Touch of Pain by TowardTheStars

Sam had just turned seven when his world first exploded into pain.

Or, Sam feels his soulmate's pain and wishes to save them from their torment.

Quick warning before we get into things: This is currently a WIP. But I'm finding it great so far! This fic is more Sam-focused with great angst. Also some past Sam/Riley, which I'm always a sucker for!

2. Bright Colors Of Love by Yoursaltness_and_TheMemeQueen

The first time soulmates had skin to skin touch you’d be able to see the colors, that whenever you touched you’d be able to see the world in color, and that the first kiss made colors permanent.

When Sam Wilson is 20 he meets Riley, he falls in love. He takes a risk and holds his hand, the world stays black and white, and he thinks he understands why his aunt says that you don’t need a soulmate to be happy. When Riley dies, there is a bitter part of him that thanks the universe for not making them soulmates. - The first time James “Bucky” Barnes heard about soulmates was through the TV.

He reaches out to hold Steves hand and wonders if the universe can make mistakes.

He decides at about 17 that maybe soulmates are overrated, that the universe is too mysterious to trust. As he’s falling and hears Steve’s cry, he decided the universe is a bitch that knows too much and probably hates his guts. - Flash forward, Bucky knows they're soulmates, Sam doesn't.

Secret Santa Gift for Max!!

This has just the right amount of angst, and I was amazed by how well written it was! I love this fic so much!

3. Reach Out and Hold the Sun by Aluxra

When you touch your soulmate skin to skin, you leave a colour unique to you on them. 106 years and Bucky never received a mark.

Until Now.

Oh my gosh the mutual pining! The uncertainty! The fear of rejection! The utter relief and love that comes at the end! I was grinning ear to ear the whole time reading this!

4. redefining in every way what love is by lovelypenguins1717

On the non-dominant wrist of every person lays a soulmark. A unique mark that appears whenever their soulmate is born. It is the true north to their other half.

Bucky never had a mark and now he’ll never know.

Sam had found his, but the soulmark is meaningless now that Riley’s dead.

But sometimes soulmates are chosen.

*COMPLETE*

Now this is an interesting twist on soulmate aus! I usually love the ones where the people are destined for each other, but I have to admit that I really enjoyed the idea of choosing each other. It was so sweet!

5. Exactly What You're Looking For by @snarky-drabbles

When you lose something, it might appear beside your soulmate in the morning.

Sam never found anything from his soulmate until after Bucky Barnes dragged Steve from the Potomac.

Bucky grew up never finding a thing either, but after he finally gets free from Hydra, he starts finding things beside him the morning.

This is the story of them coming together.

now with a chapter of outtakes and alternate ending

I'll be honest, this fic is hilarious!! The romance aspect and yearning is great, but that ending is just on another level!

More Fics Under the Cut

6. I keep closing my eyes (but I can't blink you out) by @lesbianhozier

Bucky avoids eye contact as much as possible. He can hold a conversation without so much as looking at your face, the only exception to this being Steve. Sam definitely knows why and has seen it a few times before; soulmates. A brief moment of eye contact can change your entire life if it’s with the right person; your soulmate.

canon divergence in Civil War fic. I'll be honest this isn't necessarily my favorite, and it feels a touch weird near the end, but I still enjoyed it! The premise was fascinating and the writing was pretty good.

7. adored by @capnwinghead

The marks were legend - your soulmate's name on one wrist and your enemy's on the other. Most people spent their lives trying to decipher them. Bucky Barnes spent most of his life avoiding them.

Oh the angst in this one!!! So good!!

8. gunmetal grey by Someone_aka_Me

Soulmates wear the same mask, and only your soulmate can remove it.

Sam isn't expecting to find his mask in a history book, worn by a man who's been dead for decades.

I literally cannot sing the praises of this fic enough!!! Holy crap it's so good!!!! It takes place in ca:tws and continues afterwards, but it ignores AoU/ca:cw. I don't read to many fics from this era (working on more of them, though! I got a request for some fic recs, and my research is so much fun!), but I'm honestly adoring this so much. And the writing is so good too! And the whole premise of soulmate masks was fascinating to me! I've never read a fic like this before. BUT I LOVED IT SO MUCH!!!!

9. there is a sweetness in you by Someone_aka_Me

AU: Your soulmate is the only person who cannot hurt you.

Sam gets kicked off a helicarrier — yet he can't help but notice the boot to the chest doesn't hurt like it should.

Yeah, yet another of this kind of au. They seem to be semi-popular for sambucky (Kinda? there aren't too many soulmate au fics though). But I'm a sucker for them, alright? And this one is so cute too! :-D

10. Fortune Tellers And Falling & Fortune Tellers And Falling: Part 2 by @jeffersonshattricks

Prompt: During a “game” Sam is told that is soulmate will be the next person to do “X” to him and it happens to be Bucky. Sam is in denial but destiny cannot be stopped.

&

The is Bucky's POV for the first part of this. It explains how he knew they were soul mates, and shows a bit of what he went through while waiting for Sam to catch up.

A Two-Parter right here, guys! So fun! I love fics that show both POV's, they just add a new dimension, alright? Also, the pining and uncertainty in these are super good!

And that's it for today folks! I really hope you enjoy these! Once again, feel free to hop into my asks and request any trope or theme you'd like! I already got one that I'm currently working on, so that'll be fun! I also have a coupole other themes that I'm working on right now too, and I'm really excited about them!

Also, let me know if you want to be tagged for these!

[limitlessgojo]

Blood Bound: Red Strings of Fate (Ch 6)

Warnings: Action, Coarse Language, Fighting, Descriptions of Blood

Previous Chapter: Special Grade

Next Chapter: Bird of Flame

Tags: Soulmates AU, Angst, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Fem!Reader

Taglist: @lessie-oxj @rizzo-nero @whoreuc @fkngkumiko @isl3t @gojoussunglasses @onepotatostand-blog @s-t-f-u-b-i-t-c-h @sunaswife

Notes: If you want to be tagged for every update, please mention it in the comments below ty <3

We are finally past the introductions and getting into the bulk of the story🥰💕 excited for this to unravel.

Chapter 6: Speed of Sound

You had a physical and cursed energy examination along with the second years the next day. Much like when you had your height and weight measured at the clinic. But this time, it was your power, speed, stamina, defense level, and flexibility with and without your cursed technique that they were measuring.

“Ugh, it’s so windy out today.” Mai complained. The sun was really bright as the four of you first years stood there.

“Y/n.” All of you turned to look at the source of the voice. You smiled brightly upon hearing him. “It has been a while.”

“Noritoshi senpaii~” you skipped your way towards him with a huge smile on your face. “How have you been?”

Noritoshi was always busy, with clan affairs, missions (now that he got recommended for grade 1 and is enroute to a semi-grade 1) and studies that you only had a short time to say hi whenever you passed by the other in the hallways. But he always secretly looked forward to seeing you.

He nodded his greeting to the other first years before turning to smile down at you as you came up to him. “Not too bad. Hope you’ve adjusted well to campus life?” he murmured, eyes softening.

“I’m okay, don't worry about me. Shared class today, this is my first time. I wonder how it will go?” You excitedly said.

“The usual, you might find it boring. Ah, and I’ve heard that you were given the title Special Grade. Congratulations.” He said.

“Is that something to be celebrated?” you asked while tilting your head to the side. “Thank you though.”

He mimicked you, tilting his head in the same direction and leaning forward so that your eyes were both still in line with each other’s, “It’s proof that you’re strong and that’s also a good thing.”

You hummed in thought. “I don’t really care about rankings to be honest. I just need to be strong enough to protect the ones I love.”

Noritoshi’s eyes slightly widened at that. He was about to speak when he was rudely interrupted.

“TSUCHI CHAN! You owe me a fight.” Todo senpai boomed with Momo sighing tiredly beside him. You jumped about 4 feet into the air at the sound and Noritoshi protectively held a hand in front of you again. “That’s enough Todo. It’s still early in the morning.”

“A fight, or else I will reveal who your ideal type is to everyone here.” He grinned.

Oh no he didn’t. The winds picked up around you as your cursed energy flared dangerously. Everyone except Noritoshi took a step back from you.

You looked up at him with the coldest eyes you have, “You promised you wouldn’t senpai. But I am not backing down from a fight. Don’t cry too badly when I bury you 6 feet underground.”

“There it is! Her dark side.” Miwa cried out. “You’re gonna die senpai.” But Todou just laughed. “I knew you were interesting the moment we met Tsuchi chan. It’s settled. A fight later after class.”

“Todo’s gonna die later. I look forward to seeing it.” Mai yawned nonchalantly as Mechamaru just nodded. Momo just laughed as she settled in beside Mai.

Soon Utahime called you all to attention and you went on with the activities. You were competing with Todo for almost every measurement (with the use of cursed energy of course. You were not so strong without it).

You just laughed at yourself as you found out you had the weakest physical punching power among the first years. Yep, you rely too much on your cursed energy to back you up.

You had the highest score though when you used your cursed energy. You warped the space around your hand in a spiral motion, the wind picking up around your fist, before you propelled yourself to punch the target. BAANG! It was pushed a number of meters back further than Todo’s target.

Todo just clapped. “Well done.” And the entire time, Noritoshi was closely monitoring you, staying by your side and asking questions about your technique.

At that, you tugged on his sleeve and he smiled and bent down for you. You told him quietly that you would tell him more about it later when you’re alone. His eyebrows raised, but his smile widened, “Thank you for that. I don’t mind telling you about mine too.”

The others were just silently watching you both out of the corner of their eyes.

“Mai chan, wanna bet as to when those two will get together?” Momo whispered. Everyone else except the two of you heard her.

“Depends on what you wanna bet on. But I’m willing to bet they’ll get together in the next maybe 4 months or so.” she smirked.

“3 months” Miwa piped up quietly.

“Maybe 2 months lol.” Mechamaru said.

“No. They might take… a few weeks. 3?” Todo said seriously.

Utahime cleared her throat out loud gathering all of your attention. “Last activity. Running laps. This track field is 400 meters long as you all know. Finish 1 lap. First without then with your cursed technique. Nishimiya and Tsuchimikado flying is permitted.”

You perked up at that and clapped your hands excitedly. Then stopped and thought about it remembering your father’s words:

“ ‘You don’t have to max out your abilities. We keep our clan’s abilities as much of a secret as possible to prevent any information leakage that may be used against us. Remember to use your technique wisely. You’re the strongest in our clan, sweetheart.’ You nodded, ‘Okay papa.’ ”

So God speed mode of a Mach 4 is out of the picture. Mach speed 3… maybe out. ‘No I can limit it to just under the speed of sound.’ you thought determinedly.

You zoned out the next hour until it was time to run with your cursed technique. “Are you okay? You look a bit pale.” Noritoshi put a hand on your back to support you.

You quickly shook your head “I’m fine, no worries.” He didn’t look like he believed you but let you go ahead.

“Tsuchimikado. It says here on your report that you can move at mach speeds.” Utahime spoke. FUCK. Oh well. You turned to her with the stiffest smile on your face as she realized you didn’t want the information disclosed.

You took your starting position, still determined to keep it under half the speed of sound. “Ready… go!” You whipped around the entire trackfield in just under 3 seconds.

“Tsuchimikado. 2.4 seconds.” You nodded and jogged back beside Miwa who gave you a high five. “That was sooo cool, you need to let me fly with you next time.” She excitedly said.

You laughed. “I’m not the best at holding people with me when I move at high speeds. But slow flying is fine.”

“Why don’t you go faster?” Todo asked. Everyone quieted down as you turned to him. “I have a feeling you've been limiting your output. You’ve obviously been holding back this entire time, are you not taking it seriously? We are here to challenge ourselves, there is no need to hold back.”

Your eye and finger twitched. “That’s not it.” This man was amazing at pushing your buttons. But you sighed as there was no reason to hide it anymore. “Utahime sensei can I-”

“Go ahead. When you’re ready.”

You took your starting position again. You could push Mach 5 if you wanted to, though just above Mach 1 should be enough.

But you can feel Todo just silently egging you on from the sidelines. And it honestly worked. “Start!”

There was a loud BANG! You were back in the starting line in less than a second. The only proof of your movement was the smoke and dust rising above the tracks.

“I am so sorry, but I didn’t catch that. I physically can’t. That was less than a second. Your speed please?” Utahime called out. “Mach 2.”

You stepped right up to Todo with a challenging glint. “Prepare yourself for later.” He just huffed out a proud smile, then you stood aside with Miwa and Noritoshi.

“Was that, just now a sonic boom?” asked Noritoshi. “No it was my ringtone.” you deadpanned. The others choked a laugh out at that.

He turned to you with a pout, but you just bumped his hip with yours and laughed “It’s called sarcasm Noritoshi senpai~” He quietly chuckled along, which he was surprised at how easy it was to do so whenever he was with you.

You all finished up. Momo was also pretty fast, going at 10 seconds around the track. Noritoshi senpai blew you out of the water to be honest. His record was 35 seconds on foot. How. That was over the world record for men’s running.

You noticed a red marking forming over his eye and remembered seeing it for a bit when it came to the strength measurement test earlier. He was just a bit behind you, Mechamaru and Todo in terms of power.

And Mechamaru and Todo were largely… disproportionate to him, being way bigger and bulkier. But he could somehow manage.

“Are any of you going to spar after this? If so I will be supervising.” Utahime sensei called.

“We will.” Todo senpai motioned between the two of you. Noritoshi surprisingly spoke up too, “I also wanna have a go against y/n if that’s fine with you.” He turned to you with a concerned look. You just smiled, “Of course it’s fine Noritoshi senpai!”

“Okay, try not to break anything, limit the damage here on campus please. I will be calling a close if it gets too bad.” Utahime warned.

“There's no need for that.” You smiled to yourself.

Author's Rambles: Mach Speed (AKA Supersonic speed) is described as a speed greater than the speed of sound. Mach X means that the speed is X times greater than the speed of sound. A Mach 5 would be categorised as Hypersonic speed^^. O/C uses her Psychokinesis to move her forward as fast as she can.

Blood Bound Chapter Masterlist

[tatooedlaura-blog]

End of the Road

post-Redux/Redux 2

... their moments ... from now on ... Our Moments: Chapter 1: Five Words (post-Leonard Betts) Chapter 2: Sidebar Nonsense (post-Memento Mori) Chapter 3: Interim (floating somewhere around Unrequited) Chapter 4: Max 2.0 (post-Tempus Fugit/Max) Chapter 5: Shadowed Grey Eyes Chapter 6: The Warmest Thing I Own Chapter 7: Fancy Paper Napkins ​ Chapter 8: End of the Road (post-Redux/Redux 2)

@today-in-fic

&&&&&&&&&&

He put her through hell the next two weeks and finally, seeing her on the other side of the hospital window, he splintered, leaning forward, unable to breath, overwhelming sorrow manifesting in yelled demands of people who couldn’t answer his pleas.

He thought he was quiet at her bedside that night, the world bearing down on both of them, but as he sobbed into her sheets, he felt her hand drift though his hair, nails lightly scratching scalp, “it might be a little tight, but I think we’ll both fit if we try.”

Mess that he was, he stood, dragged his hands over his face to clear away at least some of the nonsense before disappearing to blow his nose on some toilet paper from the bathroom. Coming back in, he shuffled towards her, whispering, “I snuck in. What if I fall asleep and can’t sneak back out?”

“I’m dying, Mulder. I can do what I want and right now, I want you in here with me.”

Deep breath of acceptance at her now-undeniable retort, he did as ordered, wedging himself behind her, back to front, arm hesitant over her belly, full length curl around her. He could feel her ribs against his forearm, her bony hip under his elbow, sharp shoulder blades pressing his chest, “we need to get you a milkshake.”

“If I could keep one down, I’d send you right now but puking up ice cream will just ruin it.”

“I see your point.” Sniffing latent snot back up his nose, he apologized, then, “I didn’t mean to wake you up.”

Soaking up his warmth like a sponge, “I’m not sleeping that well these days anyway, and …” running off into oblivion, she finished the sentence a moment later, “well, I’d rather spend all the time I can with you, even if it’s at whatever the hell time it is and in a hospital bed.”

“A good cuddle does have its merits.”

That got a smile from her, “thank you.”

“For what?”

This time she found the words she couldn’t after he made her dinner, “for doing all those things that a partner would do; that a husband, a best friend, that family would do.”

Well, that made his heart break for the hundredth time that day, and mouth to neck yet again, his words rustled her hair and vibrated her soul, “well, you are my partner and my best friend, which makes us family and I think I fit the category of work husband so I’ve got all the bases covered.”

Reaching for his hand, she pulled it up to her face, kissing his knuckles before tucking it under her cheek, “we need to talk about a few things.”

“No, we really don’t.”

“Yes, we do. Let me take the fall, please? I need to know you’re okay once I’m gone.”

Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!

“We can have that argument tomorrow. Right now, just let me enjoy this, all right?”

She heard his mental screams of ‘Stop It!’ and she did, nodding against his hand, “all right but tomorrow, you’re listening to me.”

Wanting to cocoon her, tuck her inside himself, hide her away so the cancer and the fear and the reality of it all couldn’t find her, he hugged her closer, spooned behind her tight, “maybe.” That’s as good as she would get tonight and accepting it, she did her best to forget everything but the moment. A pleasant ‘hmm’ purred out a minute later and, hearing it as well as feeling it against his chest, “what was that for?”

Not realizing she’d made the sound until it was too late, “living in my moment, Mulder.”

“Our moment.”

For half a second, she wanted to cry, “You’re right. Our moment.”

&&&&&&&&&

He was gone when she woke up, the nurse checking on her telling her quietly, “he snuck out about 20 minutes ago.” Seeing her still sleepy look of disappointment, she smiled, “I’ve seen the way he looks at you; he’ll be back.”

Alone a moment later, she tried to work herself into a rage because he left without saying good-bye and without talking to her like she’d asked but, in the end, it was Mulder and she really should have expected it. Returning to her side, facing the door, she shut her eyes, imagining he was still behind her.

&&&&&&&&&&

He appeared the next day, glass vial offering a last-ditch effort in his fight to save her. He watched her argue with her family, fight her doctors, grasp onto a fading hope without which, she would be forced to make him sit, discuss funeral arrangements, ask him to give up while holding her hand.

&&&&&&&&&&

First Skinner left her room, then her brother, then, finally, Maggie, who gave him a hug and told him, without words but the slightest of head nods, that Scully was inside waiting for him. He gave it another minute, still processing, still gripping the bloody picture, still marveling at the news that was, indeed, real.

Opening her door slowly, the first thing he saw was not a smile but her piercing gaze that ranged in interpretation, over the years, from raging irritation to unbridled happiness. Todays was more of a confused relief bordering on reserved elation, “Mom says you’ve been sitting in the hallway.”

“Your mother deserved the first hug.”

“Are you going to be my third?”

“Patience, woman. I give you a hug now, we’ll both be crying for the next hour.” Shooting her his first mischievous grin in months, “I am breaking all kinds of rules still being here. Three people have asked me to leave already.”

She’d been prepared to talk for a few minutes, then go to sleep but suddenly, that wasn’t cutting it anymore, “You want to go for a drive?”

Finally approaching her, he pressed his thighs against the edge of the bed, leaning just enough forward but keeping his hands in his pockets, schoolboy asking a question of his favorite girl, “your place or mine?”

She hadn’t even thought that far ahead in the discussion but now that it was out there, hanging in the air, she gave him a smile, “your place. We haven’t been there in awhile.”

“Luckily I just changed the sheets a few days ago.”

Holding eye contact, swearing for one second she could actually see into his soul, she found herself moving her legs, bumping into Mulder as she sat upright, slid off the bed, ��go find me my clothes.”

They didn’t so much sneak from the hospital as walk out, quietly, Scully’s bag in Mulder’s one hand, Mulder’s other on her back, pressed to muscle and bone, fingers loose-gripping the back of her shirt. No one said a word, elevator their immediate destination, anywhere else in the world their quest. The air was balmy, the breeze light, and Scully stopped the moment the automatic doors shut behind her, inhaling deep.

Mulder, nearly knocking her over, suddenly panicked, “what? What’s wrong?”

Her head spun, giddy and light, “just … overwhelmed for a minute.”

“Do you need to go back inside?”

Shaking her head vehemently, “no … no, I just … your place, please.”

“Food first?”

“No. I … that’s too much right now.” Looking up at her partner, suddenly exhausted, “a bed would be nice and some drugs when we get to your place.”

“Home it is, then.” He valeted the car, tucked her inside, and drove away, aiming towards his apartment. She was dozing by the second turn and fully asleep by the time he pulled up to the curb. Crouching beside her open passenger door, hand on thigh, voice low, he began coaxing her in a soft voice reserved for just such occasions, “hey, Scully? Wake up. We’re here and you’ve gotta stay awake long enough to deal with the front steps and the elevator.”

Blinking her eyes open, they rolled around for a moment before focusing, “okay. Don’t let me fall down.”

“Never.”

He wanted to laugh at her swaying walk, likening it to her drunken trek a year ago at her mother’s surprise birthday party. Not saying that aloud, however, he steered her to his door then inside.

He set her bag down, then took her coat, hanging it before heading toward the kitchen for a glass of water so she could take her meds and lay down. Asking over his shoulder what type of pain killer she wanted, he glanced back when she didn’t answer. Finding her still rooted to her spot beside the hat rack, he stopped, took in the tears already rolling, then held out his hand, waving her towards him, “come here.” She did, shuffling, leaving shoes behind and walking into him, the collision backing him up a few steps. Accepting the momentum, he continued moving, sitting down on the arm of the couch, level with her now, arms tight around her neck, her face hidden in his shirt, “what’s wrong?”

“It can’t be real, Mulder. It can’t. It shouldn’t have worked.”

“But it did. You saw the scans.”

“But what if I go to sleep tonight and wake up tomorrow and it’s back?”

Shifting her away, he settled hands on cheeks, thumbs against eyebrows, painting over them lightly, absently, as he tilted her head to meet her tear-y gaze, “it won’t be but if it is, but it won’t be, we will figure it out … together … all right? We got here once and we can do it again … but we won’t have to, so don’t worry about it.”

Her hands were around his wrists, “I think you just gave me a headache.”

“I’ve been giving you headaches for four years now. What’s new?”

“This.” Leaning in, she kissed him, barely brushing his lips but setting his world on fire in the process, “I’ve got, to sound trite, a new lease on life and I’m not wasting it.” Kissing him again, before swaying dangerously to one side, “but I am going to ask that we sleep through a little bit of it because if I don’t lay down soon, I’m going to end up on your floor.”

He wiped the few remaining tears from her cheeks before he kissed her back, light but claiming, “do you mind some company?”

“I have never minded your company.” Yawning, she turned white, an immediate sweat beading on her upper lip, “but I need to lay down … now.”

Walking her to the bed, he gave her a shirt and some shorts, some drugs and a glass of water, then, “I’ll be back in a minute.”

Returning with a second blanket, he found her curled, body imprint stamped on ‘her’ side of the bed forevermore. His giddiness in the moment nearly made him laugh but containing it, he settled beside her, spare blanket at their feet. His hand went to her forehead, thumb in gentle circles between her eyebrows.

It was gone.

He had her back.

And he wasn’t going to waste a minute of the time they had left.

Which was a lot longer than they’d had mere hours earlier.

He didn’t fall asleep for hours.

Watching her breathe.

&&&&&&&&&&

Neither should have been awake but when Mulder opened his eyes, he found himself staring at an empty pillow and equally empty bed. Squinting towards the dawn-grey living room and the darkened bathroom, he looked over his shoulder, finding his target standing by the open window, leaning on the frame.

Rolling over, he tucked the pillow under his head, yawning, then watching her for a minute before she felt his eyes on her and turned towards him, quiet.

His mind was open and slow, filters off, walls down, and in that very moment, the only thing he had left in the world to say was “I love you.”

Her slow spreading smile lit up the darkening room, thunder rumbling as a storm moved in. It stopped just shy of a full-on grin, then dropped back to slightly upturn lip curl, sigh deep, eyes closing for a moment to collect the proper words from the universe, before sending them drifting across to him slow and steady, “and I … finally have the time … to love you back.”

Mulder’s smile spread at the same speed hers did, pushing into the pillow, squashing face glowing, “is this another one of our moments?”

“They are all our moments from now on, Mulder. All of them.”

[anerdinallherglory]

Approaching Sun (29)

Author’s Note: Happy Halloween! Sorry this is so late everyone. I am currently writing my thesis for graduate college (the very reason why this chapter is not longer) and it has been sucking up ALL of my time in combination with Covid-19 face-to-face teaching and virtual teaching. In short, my life has been a walking list of “to-do’s” which causes me to neglect my writing. This chapter is dedicated to zeidika (hope you are reading this) who reviewed my story back in July. I occasionally think about your message and it keeps me going through stressful times. I hope your upcoming graduation is a memorable moment and that your son is doing well. You inspire me too! Congrats on the outstanding GPA! I am hoping to follow you soon with graduation!

Please let me know what you guys think. More action-packed chapters coming your way soon (hopefully).

P.S. While you are waiting on more chapters of A.S., go check out my new mystery/horror fiction story, “Beneath the Harlow Grove” by @anerdinallherglory on Wattpad.

Pairing: SasuSaku

Previous Chapters: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28

Chapter 29: A Generation of Weaklings

Sasuke blasted through a few too many red-dirt mountains in Kaguya’s core dimension. With every blast, he felt more like himself. Something chemical happened in his brain when he tunneled raw chakra through his veins; it helped him adopt the right mindset. Sasuke found that the quickest way to erase his thoughts was to surrender them to his shinobi persona who had to be focused. That chakra felt like a jolt to his nervous system, reminding him of himself and his shinobi goal.

Of course, now that he was less distracted, he found himself too depleted of chakra to do anything more than take a breather. Now that he was in the core dimension, Sasuke would have to adjust his plans. Previously, the Uchiha had been trying to cross into the desert dimension without going through the middle dimension. Now that he had jumped ship and escaped here by instinct, he was going to have to do this whole thing in reverse. Logically, his next step would have to be crossing into the desert dimension and then overpassing this core dimension directly to Kunagakure. All this would require a lot of chakra.

Just to speed up the process, Sasuke momentarily considered swallowing one of the chakra pills that he had swiped before his cold exit hours before into this dimension. It might be a good idea for experimentation purposes, but Sasuke knew enough about shortcuts to comprehend that chakra pills would do more harm than good, which is why they were typically reserved. It was best, the Uchiha decided strategically, to take the pill when he was at his chakra max, so he could ultimately top it off and have just the right amount to make the jump.

And besides, Sasuke just didn’t have enough time or chakra to experiment recklessly. He would get one shot to try it before he had to wait a significant amount of time for his chakra to replenish enough to try it again if he failed. Not to mention in what ways he would have to recover from whatever side effects he would suffer through from abusing the chakra pills.

Sasuke pinched his nose in concentration and tried his best to expel Sakura from his mind while he waited. And it worked just enough, for the most part…consciously—until he fell asleep that night and dreamt of her, his suppressed thoughts confronting him in his subconscious. He had developed a habit of dreaming about Sakura lately, so this wasn’t something new to him. His dreams of her usually involved her imminent death; an enemy threatening her life in a way that Sasuke was too late to prevent. This was the case. Usually. But something about that kiss earlier had unnerved Sasuke, transforming his instinctual focus on her from one of concern to one of…how would he describe it? Desire? Hope? Longing? None of those words seemed acceptable to the Uchiha; he hated to have to admit to any of those feelings even when dreaming.

In this dream, he was back in that damn medicine preparation room, glaring into Sakura’s green eyes after that unexpected kiss. But this time, instead of sensibly leaving, the Uchiha gave in to her desperate pleadings, taking her chin between his fingertips and bringing her mouth back to his. In this dream, Sasuke kissed her. Was kissing her frenziedly, hand suddenly twisting in the pink fuzz at the nape of her hot, flushed neck. Was, until a hand clamped firmly on his shoulder, jerking him abruptly back away from her. When he turned, Sasuke was face-to-face with himself. His conscious self vs. the subconscious.

When Sasuke woke, he laughed derisively as he realized he would always be the one to get in his own way in both reality and fiction.

“Good,” he said aloud to the airless dimension, suddenly frustrated for fantasizing about the opposite scenario of the one he had chosen. He hoped Kaguya, or others like her, somehow were able to hear him through this connection of dimensions. They would see just how determined he was to rid the world of them; how dedicated he was to protect those he loved. So much so, that he would sacrifice and surrender every aspect of his life to this goal.

Sasuke stood then, forming the hand sign to split the dimension in the space before him until raging sand materialized before his eyes. He decided he would just not sleep; not unless he was so tired that he wouldn’t even have enough left in him to dream.  

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Sakura was a quick learner. The medical ninja gave herself that credit at least as she imitated the slow intake and exhale of breath that professed sleep. This certainly wasn’t her first kidnapping. Half a year ago, Kido had done just exactly that and as soon as his posse realized she was awake, the show had begun. Sakura’s poison-trained system had finally started to break down whatever sleep-induced toxin Mako had spiked her drink with. With no conception of how long she had been unconscious, Sakura had become cognizant and immediately began to mimic an undisturbed state. This time, she was set on listening. This time, she would assess and strategically plan.

She had been waiting to hear the answer as to “why” she found herself in this particular situation as she was dragged, then hoisted over someone’s shoulder. For a blurry second, Sakura was taken back to her drunken episode several weeks ago when Sasuke carried her home after the medic had decided to deplete Tsunade’s alcohol stash. The only similarity between this state of stupor and that one was the pounding headache that made Sakura want to vomit. That was when memory caught up with her and she began to “act.”

She was exchanged from one shoulder to the next and Sakura realized suddenly that she had been carried by Mako up until this point--that bastard--and was being surrendered to someone else. She didn’t know the voice.

“Great job,” a guttural accent commended Mako for his successful abduction. Sakura planned on commending him herself once she regained the upper hand.

“Just shut up and walk,” came Mako’s voice, in a tone that sent shivers down Sakura’s spine. She had never heard him speak like that. How could she have been played by him this whole time?

Sakura began to second-guess her decision to pretend the longer that they walked. In cases of abduction, it was well known that a person’s chances of survival drastically dropped if the kidnapper succeeded in moving them to a second location. But Sakura thought of Isao, her patients, her coworkers, and even Sasuke and resolved herself. It was better for them if she could allow these maniacs to believe that they had got her. What they didn’t know, was that their mistake would be getting Sakura just far enough away from civilians where she could cause some real damage. She had handled Kido; she could take care of these two as well. Neither of them could have anticipated her other skillset; Mako didn’t know her well enough.

When they had dropped her not so gracefully onto her back an hour later, Sakura bit the inside of her cheek to keep from making a pained groan or facial expression to give away her performance. Other voices chimed in then, and Sakura realized her adversaries had just doubled.

“About damn time,” someone drawled as she was dropped. “You couldn’t have taken care of this sooner?”

There was some shuffling as her capturers arranged themselves in what sounded like a cramped space.

Mako announced: “She’s surprisingly resistant. Not to mention Uchiha’s been around just until recently.”

That particular statement wounded Sakura a little more than the fall she just sustained. Of course, this was all about Sasuke. She should have known. Kido had kidnapped her for this same reason: to lure in Sasuke, kill her in front of him so his eyes would change. Sakura was starting to get pretty annoyed with people trying to use her to get to Sasuke—as if she would ever let that happen. When would they learn that things weren’t so black and white? Mako’s previous statement the morning of her capture began to make more sense to her now: “Well, it’s obvious that he likes you. To be honest, I thought you were already a couple.” And Sakura cursed her mouth for confiding in him because now she identified his interest as a predatory investigation.

“Or maybe you just weren’t trying hard enough because you liked her,” came a response from a voice Sakura seemed to recognize for some reason. It was different from the rest—distinctively female. Sakura mentally raised an eyebrow at that fact.  

“Believe me, that’s not the case” came Mako’s defense. “Ashuwa just didn’t do the trick on a medical specialist as we had hoped.”

And then Sakura was cursing. Cursing a stream of silent words that wouldn’t do her any good to express verbally now that she was getting information. The bastard had even convinced her that Sasuke should take it. She thanked the universe for Sasuke’s non-allergic reaction to it.

“What ended up working?” came the female voice again, expressing honest curiosity.

“Tea and kindness,” Mako stated unemotionally, eager to move past the topic. “Now let’s get on with this.”

“Of course,” said the female again, tossing what sounded like clanging metal onto the floor at his feet. “You have been given a position among us as promised for your service. Welcome.”

Sakura couldn’t resist. She snuck a peek through the corner of her eyelashes at them then and did not like what she saw. She was in a small gathering room with a domed ceiling, one of the many adobe homes on the outskirts of the Sand Village. She had also miscounted by 1. There were four of them, an extra silent companion seated & leaning against the wall farthest from her, seemingly uninterested. In the same second, Sakura also noted that Mako had bent down to retrieve something she recognized, a headband with a foreign symbol etched onto it—the same symbol she had seen on the headbands of their assailants back at the Tanigakure lodge. She made the connection: these were the same ninja who had followed Sakura and ambushed her and Sasuke in the night. The ninja she had recounted to Gaara, who was supposedly on their trail. How did they manage to get past him?

Just as Sakura thought this, an unexpected thud came from the ceiling accompanied by the crumbling sound of sand. Quiet consumed them as no one moved. Sakura observed quietly as all ninja revealed their weapons in silence as if they were snakes quietly coiling back to strike.

The man in the corner nodded toward the door, and the ninja closest to Sakura’s head disbanded from the group and disappeared within a second. Once outside, the same ninja began swearing loudly at some surprise. Everyone in the room relaxed as a child’s vocal squirming reached their years. The shuffling continued as this child was being brought inside.

“Damn kid must have followed us!” the returning ninja said in annoyance. “Got some bite to him.”

If Sakura hadn’t been laying down already, she would have collapsed in shock and fear at the memorable voice of the child they had just apprehended and threw down next to her. “Get away from me!” Isao shouted, the boy swinging a kunai out in front of him. They laughed wickedly at the boy’s ferocity.

Okay, show’s over.

Protective instincts kicked in swiftly as Sakura successfully reached forward and stole the kunai away from the child in less than a blinking second. There were unanimous intakes of breath throughout the room as Sakura managed to get Isao behind her and compress the blade threateningly against the esophagus of the man who had touched the both of them—it all happened within a microsecond.  Sakura’s sudden revival activated the group’s defense and they were upon her, but she let out a snarl, drawing blood against the man’s throat.

They immediately stopped their advance when the man she had ensnared began to laugh, throat nicking against the knife as he did so. “Do it already,” he breathed through his laugh. “My death will be a part of this effort. It will only help us in our cause.”

Sakura was certainly tempted by that. The way he had roughly handled Isao seconds before with his colossal insensitive hands was like a fresh and bloody burn on her skin, painful and needing the immediate relief of this man’s execution. But something in his words froze her hand. A cause?

“Glad you are finally awake,” came Mako’s distinct tone, a vicious friendliness warming the words again.

“Shut up you liar,” Sakura spat viciously.

“If you let him go, we’ll tell you why we are going to kill you,” came the female’s voice, and Sakura flashed her angry green eyes over in the woman’s direction. Her face and hair were covered, and Sakura acknowledged the same black shemagh that had concealed her attackers in Tanigakure.

Fat chance, she thought. Sakura immediately assessed her chakra levels and was aggravated by how slow chakra was reacting to her body’s summoning of it. Mako was a fellow medic, and Sakura deduced that whatever he had given her had strategically messed with her system and chakra connection. Sakura mutely criticized herself for trusting Mako. How many times would she be tricked in her lifetime? Probably many more, but she would learn from them all. Oh well, she thought. She had had worse odds before. Her only additional complication was Isao because now she was responsible for herself and the 11-year-old boy who had pursued after her. Had he somehow witnessed Mako’s abduction of her?

It was at this moment that the woman at the front of the room began to take off her mask, and Sakura almost dropped the knife altogether. As the black wrap was loosened and it slumped around the woman’s neck, Sakura immediately recognized the face of Hisa, the female medic ninja who had been her assistant throughout Sakura’s entire stay in Kunagakure. Even Isao behind her, gasped when he saw the woman who had helped take care of him.

Sakura’s moment of surprise was all it took for the ninja she stood behind to reach his hand lightning-quick between his own throat and the kunai. He grabbed on to Sakura’s wielded wrist with his left hand and flung her forward over his shoulder. She mentally cursed as she went flying toward the forefront of the room, landing painfully into the opposite wall. She practically went through it, and the side of the adobe house collapsed around her. As she fell, Sakura realized that the brute force used against her revealed their intention to truly kill her. They weren’t planning on preserving her, let alone sparing her life.

Sakura had been launched farther than she initially realized because when she managed to rise from the dust and sand, she winced at the other consequences of her distraction that was now beyond reach. One by one, the villains stepped through the new door that Sakura had made, carrying Isao with them. In the next second, Isao was tossed to the sand, screaming threats and clutching at the thug man’s foot that suddenly pinned down his chest. When the beast applied pressure to the child’s sternum, Isao began to moan in pain.

The sight enraged her, and she broke her silence. “You’re wrong if you think this plan of yours will work!” she screamed at them. “I am nothing to Sasuke. Nothing to anyone, do you hear me?!”

All but the quiet man snickered in response to her declarations, but she continued, seething through her teeth.

“He will not come to save me! You will not get what you want by using me! Let the child go!”

“This isn’t about Sasuke,” replied the wraith-like man who came last through the shattered side of the building’s exterior wall. For the first time since her awakening, the still man walked to the head of the party and addressed her. “Neither is it about the Hokage, or even the Jinchurki. This is about you.”

The night suddenly seemed starless, dark, and void of all sound save the squealing wind. As the stranger spoke this truth, three of the other members flanked his sides before fanning out beside him like Tamari’s fan, creating a close-knit semi-circle. The phantom-like man stood casually in the middle, his face cloaked in the combined darkness of night and the face wrapping he wore. As Sakura looked closer, even this man’s eyes, the only thing that could be seen between the black fabric, seemed like depthless holes of nothing. This man reminded Sakura of a walking desert mirage, some sort of shadow demon hiding in human clothing.

Sakura gritted her teeth as her body instinctively begged her to flee. Isao’s need for her overpowered that. She would die before abandoning him.

“Me?” Sakura asked instead, revealing her honest surprise. “What do you want with me?” It was a trick, the kunoichi told herself. What could they possibly have to gain from killing her when much more powerful figures literally walked side by side with Sakura? There was nothing to gain besides Sasuke’s, Naruto’s, or Kakashi’s ultimate death, defeat, or capture.  

“Your efforts to fix the ‘mentally ill’ goes against the philosophy of our newly founded group,” came Hisa’s poison-dripped answer. Sakura noted that they all took a step toward her in synchrony, tightening in on her a little closer. This practiced pack was testing her and Sakura took a step back to match their own. She was smart enough not to let them surround her like the meal they believed her to be. Sakura felt suddenly empathetic for those mother animals who felt torn between their captured young and their own safety. Let them believe that she was this helpless observer who reeked with fear.

“And what philosophy is that?” She asked, imitating the breaks of a trembling in her throat. She practically seeped the question with distress. It must have had the effect Sakura wanted, for her enemies smiled in response and took another step toward her.

With an insanity that Sakura had not heard in his statements before, Mako declared emphatically, “Progression!”

Sakura couldn’t wait to punch his teeth so far down his throat that Mako’s vocal cords and epiglottis would permanently suffer damage.  

Sakura stammered again, portraying the weakness they wished to see. “Pro--progression?” Another step back. Just a little more.

“Whether or not it is your intention, you will create a shinobi generation of weaklings,” stated the leader again. He essentially breathed more darkness, because the night around her suddenly grew thicker. Was she imagining it, or could this be some sort of jutsu?

“How do you figure that?” she questioned, adding a nervous laugh to her annoyed tinged inquiry. Sakura’s exasperation with their reasoning was starting to make her focus waver.

As she asked, Sakura concentrated on her chakra. She was calling it, calling it, calling it, but it did not spring forth. She would have compared the sensation to drawing blood from a syringe, except her chakra was like liquified cement and the syringe was the size of a pen. If she chose to use it, the Strength of a Hundred Seals just might flood her chakra paths and burst through whatever plug the medicine had caused, or it could potentially well up like water in a dam and she wouldn’t have any access to it. Medically, that might be a concern. And it had only been a few weeks since she had last used her reserves to assist Sasuke crossing dimensions, so would the risk be worth the additional amount behind her forehead?

In an eerie declaration, the masked leader stepped toward her again and said, “If you go around curing the next generation of their anger and pain, brainwashing them with this vision of peace, there will be no more progression.”

“What the hell does that mean?” she asked, all pretense gone now. The confidence in her tone made them stop their encroachment. For a second, Sakura didn’t look so weak to them. They glanced at the leader, the shadow-man, and then again at Mako because Mako knew her best out of the group; he had also drugged her.

“The medicine should still be working. We must hurry though. It won’t last all night.” Listening to this, Sakura inhaled and exhaled, willing the small drip of chakra to pool more heavily in her palm. She would only have one shot before she could collect enough chakra for another one. Sakura took another step back. And another, drawing them away from Isao and his captor. Just a little more. Keep them talking.

“There is peace in the world now,” Sakura baited. “There’s no need for children to suffer through trauma alone anymore.”

The leader did not hesitate a second before responding with the practiced mission justification of their group: “Without anger, hatred, and pain, there is no incentive for war between villages. And without war, there is no need for young shinobi. You will create a generation of weaklings who cannot defend our borders. The world of Shinobi as we know it will disappear.”

Sick freaks, Sakura thought. She was their target because she worked with children? They were afraid that children would be weaker without pain? “The world would be a better place,” she commented, “if there weren’t people like you in it.” Sakura didn’t care to listen to this nonsense anymore. She hated to kill them, but they weren’t giving her much of a choice.

At exactly this moment, Isao had somehow reached into his pocket for another kunai, stabbing it into the foot that held him down. Apparently, the ninja had been distracted by the rest of the pack’s slow pursuit of Sakura and the conversation. Isao left his mark, slicing it clean across the top. The ninja screamed which turned the heads of all those before her. Isao bolted up before anyone had the chance to stop him.

On his feet now, he charged the group and Sakura watched in panic as the ninja he had left behind now followed, brandishing a sword of his own.

“Kill that brat!” came Hisa’s order.

And then Sakura was in the air, her fury propelling her forward and then down on top of them.

Mako let out a cry of alarm, the first to notice her above them. The kunoichi had just enough for one hit, and Sakura prayed the sand wouldn’t buffer too much of it. She fisted the meager amount of chakra between both of her palms, fingers interlocked to make a combined fist. She brought them down as hard as she could at their feet, making it through several feet of sand before she connected it with the ground. Sakura was not able to see the damage done, because not only did sand fill the air, but all light blinked out and a shroud of complete blackness consumed her.

[sanakoreanlangblr]

2021 Goals

Heyy! I’ve decided to put my goals for this year here, hoping that that might motivate me further, and maybe motivate someone else as well. Good luck everyone! And please take extra care of yourselves and your health, mental or otherwise! Everything else can wait.

This year has been difficult for all of us. As for me, even now, the upcoming semester is a big question mark. Currently I’m studying in France, and this semester I was supposed to go on an exchange to Taiwan buuuut that’s not happening anymore, as it has been cancelled. So per my school’s requirements I need to find an internship in the place of expatriation, which is a pain now. And that basically just means I have no idea where I’m going to be in the coming year or what I’m gonna be doing ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Sorry, needed to complain for a bit, as I am going absolutely insane with the stress…

Anywayyyy, I still hope I will be able to uphold most of these goals, wherever I will end up. I tried to not make them overly big, so that I won’t get burned out too fast. But I have a whole year for those, some of these have dates for which I could expect to finish but I will not keep to them very strictly. Whatever happens, happens :))

Also, sorry if there are any mistakes, English is not my first language!

Korean (A2 -> B1)

1. Do 100 lessons of grammar from the HowToStudyKorean website.

I’ve started a few grammar books but in the end decided to settle on this website as I like its explanations best, and it provides the most example sentences when introducing each point. A nice touch is also the fact that it includes a list of a number of new words before each chapter, which gives me some new vocabulary to learn :)

So far I’ve divided the grammar points introduced in lessons into „to learn”, „to revise”, „already know”, and turns out I have:

66 „to learn”

35 „to revise”

32 „already know”

So if I did 3 points a week, I should be done around August.

2. Read 2 little stories per week from “Easy Korean Reading for Beginners”.

There is 30 stories in the first one (I already did 5), so I should be done by the middle of April.

3. Do one chapter per week from “My first hanja guide”.

I just got this book for Christmas and haven’t had the time to fully go through it so we will see how it goes.

4. Do Anki at least three times a week.

Every day would be preferable but I know that would last like a week at most.

5. Have iTalki lesson at least once a week.

That one is not a problem as I have been doing one or two per week for the last year, but I would just like to keep it up.

6. Try writing at least twice a month, and at least 2 pages.

Yeahhh that one is a bit of a bother, as writing still takes me a long time so we will leave it a twice a month and see how it goes.

7. Watch one youtube video per week on Korean grammar or vocabulary.

Generally I would say my goal is to use Korean more, as I know quite a lot but when I’m speaking I tend to go towards the easier words and grammar, which is why I am thinking that writing more could help me. And also I really want to focus on learning vocabulary as that’s always been a pain for me, I’m more of a grammar lover :))

French (A2 -> hoping for upper B1/ beginning of B2)

1. Finish the intermediate grammar book. I’m currently doing „Grammaire Progressive du Français” Intermediate edition, for A2/B1.

The problem is that my grammar knowledge of french is a mess , so going through this book is a bit of an annoyance, as most chapters I technically know but each time I find some nuance I wasn’t aware of... therefore I need to go through it, even the chapters I would have assumed I know :|

So I divided the chapters the same way I did Korean, into „to learn”, „to revise”, „already know”, and I ended up with:

14 „to learn”

34 „to revise”

4 „already know”

So technically if I did 2 points a week, I should be done in June.

2. Read the two french books I got for Christmas (“Les aventures d’Alice au pays des merveilles” and “Le tour du monde en quatre-vingts jours”).

3. Read at least two of the Harry Potter books in French.

I have started the first one this week, and I can tell it’s gonna be a very very slow process. It’s the first book I’m reading in french so it’s a bit difficult and frustrating but hopefully it’ll get better as I go along.

4. Watch at least 4 french movies, with french subtitles.

5. Learn a french song.

6. Read one story per week from „French Stories for Beginners”.

These are quite easy, but they are a nice practice for switching to books later on.

I don’t know if I’m gonna keep this one in, depends on how much my reading of actual books will progress.

7. Get to point 5 on the Duolingo tree.

I use Duolingo mostly as a revision tool, so I’m not really going to focus on it much, but still want to keep it up.

8. Watch one YouTube video per week (on any topic).

9. Listen to two podcasts per month.

10. At least one iTalki lesson per week.

11. Do Anki at least 3 times a week.

I really need to listen to french more, as I’m good at reading and I usually understand that pretty well, and I’m not the worst as speaking, but I am absolutely terrible at listening :| So that’s a priority.

Chinese (tbh I don’t know...end of HSK1/Beginning of HSK2 -> let’s say the goal is HSK3 for this year)

1. Finish the book „Integrated Chinese”

I’m having a tough time to pick a book from which to learn but I guess for now I’ll continue with that one.

Again, I divided the points in the book to „to learn”, „to revise”, „already know”, and ended up with:

47 „to learn”

11 „to revise”

15 „already know”

So doing 2 a week I should be done in July.

2. Learn 15 characters a day

I am way behind on learning characters.. I remember the words well but I didn’t put enough time to learn the characters at the start and now that’s gonna be a bit annoying to catch up on :|

3. Finish the drama „Go Ahead”.

4. Watch 3 Chinese movies, with both English and Chinese subtitles.

5. Have one Italki lesson per week.

6. Learn a children song in Chinese

7. Watch one youtube video per week on grammar.

8. Do Anki twice a week.

Generally focus more on characters. My speaking isn’t terrible (well besides the tones), but I need to work on the grammar a bit more as I seem to mess up the structures quite frequently. I need to put more work outside of my lessons. Since I found out I’m actually not going to Taiwan this semester my motivation has fallen a bit, but on the other hand I now have more time to prepare for fall, at which point I will hopefully be able to go!

Personal

Read 20 books.

I have always loved reading but in the past two years the amount of books I’ve read has gone down, which upsets me a bit…  On the other hand the amount of fanfiction I’ve read is tremendous, so there’s that. However I would like to make more effort to read this year, especially since I’ve accumulated a huge pile of books over those few years.

2. Workout regularly.

Right now I’m at home, so that should be easy to do. I don’t really know what’s gonna happen this semester, so we’ll see what I’m going to do about that later.

3. Eat better.

Meaning: cut down on sugar, eat more veggies and fruit.

4. Get a bit closer to my ideal weight

I’m not necessarily focusing on that this year as the previous one has been hell and really managed to deteriorate my mental health back to high school levels... but still hopefully working out a bit and eating less sugar, more veggies, I will be able to lose a tiny bit of weight. But overall I just want to focus on being a bit healthier.

5. Clean out my wardrobe

Sorry that’s a silly one but I’ve been getting to it for half a year now and I’m just too lazy to do that... maybe once I put it here I will have some motivation

6. Take care of my face and hair

So my sensitive skin hates wearing masks and needs extra care these days I need to really focus on it and baby it, to not go back to the awful red mess it was two months ago

As for my hair, I have kind of 3a curls which I haven’t been taking care of properly and plus I damaged them with hair dye (still I refuse to give up ginger hair, I blame Merida). So now during lockdown and quarantine season I finally had some time to read up on hair care of curls, and honestly after a month I can already see the difference, and well I hope for the best :)))

7. Get a tattoo

It’s something I’ve always put off since I either didn’t have the money or time. And now again both are problematic, so I will wait for the decision until I know what my school semester is going to be like. Maybe this time I will find a good moment! (Although honestly saving up for travelling after all this is over is also a great idea :))) )

8. Don’t go to sleep at 5

Yeah so during lockdown and because of online classes my sleeping schedule got so messed up I don’t even know what to do about it anymore. And while my goal isn’t to switch it to 10 pm, cutting it to 2 am at max would be nice

9. Watch 25 movies

10. Sell/donate the things that I don’t need

I’ve accumulated a huge pile of books, movies, CDs, Xbox games, art products - that I need to get rid of - and I’ve been saying that for like three years now, about the same pile of things. I will try to do that one this year!

I hope everyone’s 2021 will be a ton better than 2020! Keep fighting!

[100layersofdaddyissues]

Angel - Chapter 3

ITS HERE ITS FINALLY HERE IM SO SORRY. UGH THAT TOOK SO LONG.

but there it is chapter three. I literally wrote most of this chapter while i was in the lobbies of among us games. 

Warnings: Smut, swearing nothing too bad this chapter. 

words: 4.2K!!!!!!!

As the sun rose on the city, your alarm decided to screech its ugly voice across the whole apartment. Why you had decided that waking up at 5am, when you didn’t start work at your new job in Lord Industries at 9am, was absolutely beyond you. You chalked it up to nerves. I mean sure, you were fucking the owner and CEO but that doesn’t mean you’re going to become complacent about this position. Not only were you working in the largest company in most of the country, but you were also Head Marketing for your city’s division. 

           You started your day as you would any other workday, groaning and convincing yourself that leaving bed was worth it. After that, it was coffee and shower time, and if you were lucky you could throw in a cigarette on the balcony, and since you didn’t need to leave for another 4 and a half hours you thought you might just test your luck with multiple. 

Halfway through your shower you heard the phone ringing, you trudged out to the phone wondering who in god’s name was calling at 4:23am. To your great (and welcomed) surprise, it was Darius. “My dearest I’ve been told to inform you that I will be picking you up today, I’ll be at your door by 7:30. So, be ready.” 7:30? That was a whole hour before you were planning on leaving the comfort and security of your new home. 

           “Darius, I didn’t think we started until 9am why are you picking me up so early?” you queried. 

“Well, it seems Maxwell doesn’t want you catching a cab but also did not offer for me to take you both so obviously this means that I will be picking you up first and making me work extra hard.” 

           Oh. he doesn’t want to ride with you to work. You considered that it was perhaps because he didn’t want to incite rumors, but you found it strange, but nonetheless you told Darius that this would be fine and that you would see him at 7:30. An hour early. 

Only you didn’t see Darius at 7:30, in fact you didn’t even see him at 8, it wasn’t until 8:15 hit that you heard any word from him. “Darius I was just about to call a cab you never came? Is everything okay?” 

“Well, it seems Mr. Lord has contracted an illness, called a hangover. I picked him up at 6:30 to get McDonalds. I’ve already dropped him at work, I suspect he’s napping in his office as we speak.” you couldn’t help but laugh at the idea of Max laying on the floor of his office completely passed out. “I’ll be down in a moment, just let me pick out my shoes.” you said back to him, “ahh so I’ll see you by sundown.” Darius quipped back in a lighthearted way. If things ever went belly up with Max, you really hoped you could keep Darius around. 

The ride to the building was filled with the banter you’d become accustomed to with Darius, until you were pulling up to a big silver building, the largest in the city, obviously. You were in absolute shock and awe when you stepped out of the car, you’d thought for a moment in time, ‘woah, this is what ants feel like.’

“Hello ma’am could I see your ID and security badge please?” were the first words you heard when you walked through the doors to the lobby, you stammered over your sentences confused, you didn’t have a security badge, you didn’t realise you’d need one, Maxwell had never mentioned it. “Thank you, Keith, that won’t be necessary, Miss Y/N here is our new head of marketing, I’ve been tasked by Maxwell to escort her to his office.” Darius said coming up behind you. You hadn’t even realised that he had left the car, but here he was escorting you up the escalators. “Ahh yes, I see, of course.” the security guard, Keith, said with a sly smile and a wink. You knew what that meant, and it churned your stomach to think about. How many times had Max given his one-night stands jobs? If he was willing to do it for you, he was willing to do it for others. 

Unfortunately, your question was answered the moment you reached the top floor where Maxwell’s office sat. he had 4, beautiful, well-shaped, pardon your French but devilishly fucking sexy assistants. Why he would need more than one exceptional looking assistant was a question that in itself was the answer. 

“You can’t go in there, Mr. Lord doesn’t like visitors in the morning, he’s especially not looking for new, meat.” one of them all but sneered at you. “Holly if you would quit blabbering, I think I’d like to escort your new head of marketing to your boss if you don’t mind. Will that be okay with you?” Darius was on a roll today in saving you from situations with people. 

As you walked into his office, Maxwell was, surprisingly, upright, on a phone call, drinking coffee and looking all but exasperated. He opened his eyes for only a minute to point at you and then the chair in front of you, and at this Darius left the room and you had no savior from this situation because Maxwell, well, he looked mad. You were worried you’d already done something to upset you and that’s just what you needed right now. An angry man who housing you and providing you job security and most importantly, orgasm security. 

For almost 10 minutes you sat in that chair waiting for Maxwell to be off the phone, never looking up, as to avoid eye contact. When he finally hung up the phone Maxwell stood up, came around the desk and sighed heavily saying, “god I’m glad you’re here,” before all but smashing his lips to yours. Okay. not upset. That’s good, that’s easy to deal with. “I’ve only been here an hour and already I’m just ready to go to your apartment and fuck all my frustration out.” well you weren’t expecting that per se but it’s a welcome surprised. 

“Well, stop me if this is too unprofessional, but you have a perfectly good table to bend me over.” you said, looking up at him through your lashes, trying to look innocent. 

“God you’re incredible woman.” he said pulling you out of your chair and oh would you look at that, bending you over his desk. 

“I really hope you didn’t buy any pants in that shopping haul of yours because having access to your pretty pussy at work is going to work so well for both of us, he said hiking your skirt up just enough so he could pull down your panties, he bent over you until his mouth was hovering at your ear, “you’re going to need to be quiet angel, don’t want anyone getting the wrong idea about you now do we?” and before even finishing his sentence his thrust his cock straight into you. It took everything in you to not cry out, but you bit the back of your hand to keep yourself quiet. 

“God it’s only been two days and I missed this pussy, how have I fucked you so hard so often and you’re still this tight? You’re fucking magical, aren’t you? You and your magical cunt are going to kill me, you know that? If I could stop sleeping to have more time to fuck this pussy I would if I could starve myself from food and only eat you dear god I would. So, fucking good.” 

“I thought you said we had to be quiet?” you said to him, with a small smirk on your face that quickly vanished as he spanked your ass a few times, then started thrusting into you with such force you thought you might slip open, he pulled you hair to bring you up against his chest, “that shut you up, didn’t it, you fucking brat,” he said replacing your hair in his hand for your throat. 

Within minutes he was Cumming right into you, he must have realized you hadn’t come yet, only stopping for a split second to pull out, spin you around and replace his cock with his fingers, pushing his cum, back into your cunt, finger fucking you until you were once again about to bite into your hand, when Max switched hands and shoved his cum coated fingers in your mouth to keep you quiet. As you cum around his hand and screamed around the other one, Max could only look at you with lust blown pupils. 

“Well, I think this is the best first day I’ve ever had.” you said to him, completely breathless. 

“It’s about to get better angel, let me show you to your office.” 

He was right, your office did make it better. It was a big, beautiful space, with high ceilings, timber floors and a view to die for, you truly didn’t know how you got so lucky just from a random hookup, but you weren’t but to look a gift horse in the mouth. 

“Max this is absolutely beautiful, did the head of marketing get this office too?” you asked in wonderment. 

Well, actually no, this was my office, but I’ve taken over my father’s office, I think it’s about time I moved into it and you gave the motivation to do so.” his smile was small, but it was sincere, you think that might have been the first sincere smile you’d seen from Max. 

“I’ll let you get acquainted with your new space if you have any questions, my extension is 0204 okay? If any of my assistants give you any grief, just tell them that their bonuses are on the line they’ll smart right up. I promise.” Maxwell gave me a wink and then shut the door. You walked around the room, gingerly touching the walls, the painting, slowly sliding your hand across your desk, you felt a sense of pride wash over you as you sat at your desk, you weren’t really sure what to do first, you searched around your desk for notes, maybe the previous person in your position left. 

Just as you thought you’d found them, your door swung open, a woman with burgundy hair and a bright pink skirt suit walked through the door. 

“Hello sweetheart, I’m here to help you out, I’m your assistant and Mr. Lord told me that you’d be starting today I figured that he wouldn’t have told you anything, so I thought I’d come give you the rundown, I was the last guys assistant too.” she was really perky, very upbeat for 9:13 in the morning. “Oh, you probably think I’m so rude, my name is Sookie, Sookie Amelia Jersey, it’s nice to meet you?” he hadn’t even told anyone your name yet? Okay feeling less special now. 

“y/n my name is y/n y/l/n but just call me y/n, thank you so much I really have no idea what I have to be doing.” you said trying not to sound like you weren’t supposed to be there or that you didn’t know what you were doing. Which you didn’t. But she didn’t need to know that. 

“Well then let’s get right to it.” and with that, you and Sookie started talking business. 

 It seemed like the time was going so slow, that was until the door swung open once again, only this time Darius stood at the door, coffees, and an ominous brown bag. “I knew you wouldn’t have eaten, so I’ve brought sustenance, oh hello Miss Jersey.” Darius really just knew everyone, maybe he’s a wizard. 

“Darius you are absolute life saver, I think you might be the love of my life.” you said with utter certainty that Sookie now probably thinks there’s something going on between you guys. Ahh if only she knew. 

“And you are mine, dear, but before we begin planning the wedding might I suggest food?” he places the coffee down on the table and what you can now see are croissants. Hmm, 4 coffees, 4 croissants. And as if on cue Darius mutters that he’ll be back as he needs to deliver Max his lunch. 

“I didn’t realise you were already in with Darius. That man took me four years to crack, another two for him to start bringing me food, and here you are on your first day on a first name basis? Who did you fuck to get that treatment?” oh god had she caught on? Does this happen a lot? Does Max give jobs to everyone he fucks? Your mind is running a million miles an hour when you sheepishly laugh and tell some lie about how Darius was an old friend. She seemed to buy it as she moved on to talking more about marketing and what you’ll need to do. 

Soon it was the end of the day and Darius was back at your door telling you to meet him at the car. You said goodbye to Sookie and apologized for stopping her from working. 

You left the building and walked to the car seeing Maxwell in the back of the car. Oh. so now he’s good enough to go home with you but not to come to work with you. You see how it is. 

           You greeted him as you entered the car only for him to point at the phone, you looked at Darius in the rear-view mirror and you both shared a look between you that said, “here we go.” 

           Maxwell was on the phone the entire ride back to your apartment, only removing the receiver from his ear to say, “wear something classy I’ll be back at 7.” 

           What? 

           Its Maxwell Lord, you decided it would be safer for you to heed his warning and just wait to find out what happens. Maybe he just wanted to fuck someone high class tonight. 

            As it neared closer to 7 you kept meticulously checking your hair and makeup, making sure there was nothing on the red gown you’d chosen to wear. You really hoped you would figure out what was going on first, so you didn’t need have anxiety waiting to find out. 

           Just before you could contemplate jumping off the fire escape there was a sharp knock at the door, and a very sharply dressed Maxwell. 

           “Hello angel, I’m here to escort you to your first lord industries gala. You look incredible and I am definitely going to ravish you later, but we really should be going.” he all but pulled your arm out of its socket as he led you out of your door towards the elevator 

           “I don’t mean to sound clueless, but what gala? I haven’t been told about a gala?” you said to him, sounding slightly timid. 

           “Oh? Did I not tell you? We’re having a gala to celebrate the surplus budget this quarter and has my new head of management I thought it only proper to escort you there myself. Plus, there will be some CEOs from rival companies there, I do love to gloat to my competitors.” there was a new air around Max, he looked more pristine and confident. Tonight, was going to be intense you could already feel it. Even on the drive over he was, happier? Maybe he really did just get a kick out of showing off. You understood that. You couldn’t lie and say that it didn’t excite you to be walking in on Maxwell’s arm. To have all eyes staring at you wondering who you were and what you were doing with him. 

           As you arrived at the gala there was a slew of cameras lining a beautiful gold carpet. “We always go with gold because red is overdone, and Lord Industries is revolutionary. Were made of gold baby.” well that explained it. Not that you were questioning it, he did seem like the type to break the mould when it comes to luxury. I mean he was housing you just for the luxury of having convenient sex. It just seemed to fit Max really.

           Exiting the car, the barrage of flashes and yelling hit you like a wall, it was a wonder you didn’t freeze up under the pressure, but you walked next to Max with all the poise and confidence you could muster. The photographers were yelling questions at Max, not at you, but they were all asking about you, you kept your head forward and so did Maxwell. He didn’t say anything while walking past them and up the stairs, his expression only changed after entering the building. He turned to you and praised your level of composure before leading you up to two large doors. On the other side you could hear music and chatter, you wondered why you weren’t entering until you heard an announcer say “Folks, I’m sure were all having an absolute stellar time, but I’d like to draw your attention to the man of the hour, Mr. Maxwell Lord.” his voice rang out over large speakers as the doors opened and Maxwell lead you into the ballroom to polite applause. 

           You were stunned at how many people there were standing in the ballroom, you stood there feeling quite awkward at the stares that were being passed your way and the slight glares coming from some of the women, (and a few men) in the room. 

           “My friends and guests, thank you all so much for coming tonight and while I can appreciate that you would all like to go back to drinking my champagne id first like to introduce someone to you, your new head of marketing for Lord Industries, Miss Y/N Y/L/N. I’m sure she’ll fit right in with us and help us continue to be the frontier for this country.” Max had an excellent public speaking voice; he commanded the room, and you couldn’t lie. You got kind of wet seeing him so, for lack of a better word, bossy. 

           Max leaned in and whispered to you, “go mingle, if you need anything Darius will be floating around.” and then he was gone leaving you to your devices. 

           Thankfully, Sookie found you almost immediately, “I just knew he’d leave you floundering the moment you got here, he’s probably already in the bathrooms giving one of his assistants a ‘bonus’ doesn’t worry sweetheart I’ve got you covered ill introduce you to the actual important people.” and so she did. Within the hour you’d met the head of sales, Mary, head of finance, Samuel, and their assistants, Lorelai, and June. she showed you (but absolutely did not introduce you to) the head of Human Resources, Marcus, who was (in her words) a total douchebag, the head of purchasing, Manny, who apparently would want to corrupt you, you didn’t want to ask what that meant but you had some idea and wanted to laugh because if only Sookie knew. By the time you’d met Jenny, lady who ran the coffee shop in the lobby, Darius had found you both and you sighed a breath of relief, you loved Sookie, but you still weren’t too familiar with her. 

           “My dear you look exquisite I told you that you would look amazing in that dress.” Darius said with one of the biggest smiles you’d ever seen him wear. “You’re drunk aren’t you Darius.” you laughed at him; he was wobbling a bit. 

           “Y/N I am offended that you think I would drink at a work function. But yes, I am absolutely sloshed. Galas are the only nights I can get so drunk I can’t walk, and Maxwell doesn’t fire me, he says it’s good for me to let go, I have no idea what he’s talking about. I am very relaxed all the time, who wouldn’t be working for the prince of darkness. Oh god he’s not behind me, is he?” 

           “Darius you’re rambling, he’s not behind you, I haven’t seen you since he left me at the start.” you said trying to get him to stop talking so rapidly.” 

           “Well, my dear he has seen you; he’s been staring at you since Sookie found you.” Darius’ head vaguely pointed to the wall behind him, you stole a glance and sure enough there was Maxwell, talking to someone but not paying attention to them, he was staring right into your soul, it wasn’t a glare or even angry in anyway, but it was intense, like he was trying to read your mind. Somehow you believed he actually might be able to. You gave him a small smile and he nodded his head in your direction. You looked back at Darius, “he’s probably just making sure I don’t embarrass him.” you said trying to write off the fact that he was staring. Trying to convince him it meant nothing. Or yourself that it meant nothing and that there definitely was not butterflies in your stomach. 

           An hour passed as you and Sookie milled around the room, you lost Darius at champagne number three, with him and Sookie both calling you a prude for not drinking, and you telling them every time that you hated champagne and would much prefer tequila. 

           Suddenly a hand tapped you on the shoulder, you spun around expecting Max, or Darius or literally anyone else. But not henry. Not your ex-boss Henry Giorgio. “Y/N it’s so good to see you! I was quite surprised to hear that you had left us, but I can see why, head of marketing and you get to fuck the boss? What a steal!” your eyes widened from shock not just at seeing him but hearing what he said, you grabbed his arm and dragged him towards a wall telling Sookie that you’d be back right away. “What do you mean fucking the boss? I am not sleeping with Mr. Lord and I will not have you come here and try to embarrass me just because I wouldn’t sleep with you.” your voice was low but harsh as you spoke you him. 

           “Oh, please darling, this is Maxwell, every time a new woman under 30 starts at his company everyone knows that it because he’s sleeping with her, but you got head of marketing, you must have really shown him a good time, I mean everyone else just gets assistant jobs, but you, well that must have been a good blowjob.” he was snarky and rude, and you felt like you were going to cry. 

           “Oh, don’t tell me I’ve hurt your feelings, what did you think was going to happen? Maxwell was going to fall for you. Darling I wouldn’t even waste your breath on that idea, that man has never felt love, his fiancée went missing for god sakes and he came home and went to work the very next week. He doesn’t care about you. You could die and he wouldn’t notice.” 

You suspected that Maxwell only hired you because he could fuck you but hearing someone else say it mad tears begin to sting your eyes. You didn’t think you wanted Maxwell to fall for you until that very moment in time. Before you could say anything or think too hard on the subject, you felt someone come up behind you, it was Maxwell, and if you could have tensed up even more. 

           “Is there a problem here Mr. Giorgio, I should hope you’re not trying to steal back our new member of the team.” Maxwell also sounded tense, but you knew better than to think it was because you’d been upset and not because Henry was his rival. 

           “No not at all Maxwell, just giving her my good wishes, is all.” Henry’s voice was dripping in the smug tone you’d heard so many times working for Halo. 

           “Well then if you’re done, I’d like to steal Miss Y/L/N back if you don’t mind.” Henry merely waved Maxwell off but by then you didn’t want to be there anymore, your head was swirling, and you could only feel pity for yourself, you broke away from Maxwell to go find Sookie. 

           “I need to go home, please I want to go home, now.” you were trying so hard not to cry, tears stinging and threatening to spill over as Sookie led you out of the ballroom, and as you passed Darius, him quickly catching on and following. You didn’t see the confused and hurt look on Maxwell’s face.

           After you finally exited, you noticed the cameras had left, and you broke down in Darius’ arms as Sookie called her husband, Jackson, to come pick you all up. Darius gave Jackson the directions to your house, and when Sookie and Darius offered to join you, and take care of you inside you brushed them off giving them a lame apology about going to bed early and that you would see them tomorrow at work.

           As you showered and climbed into bed, you were mad at yourself for getting so hurt, this was just a business arrangement. You weren’t special. And you shouldn’t see Maxwell as special either. But you did. 

           And it sucked.

tags: @mandoalorian-mainblog​ @mrschiltoncat​ @innerstrawberrypolice​ @bonjour-je-mappelle-fuckyou​

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[mourntheantagonist]

Billy Hargrove’s Exploration Of Beauty

| part 1 | part 2 | part 3 | part 4 | part 5 | part 6 |

Part 7: When Blue Met Pink

chapter one: joyce

also on ao3

Billy pulled into the parking space outside of Melvald’s with a screech of the tires. The body of the car slightly jerked forward once he finally came to a complete stop just before he would hit the yellow parking block. The right tire sat just outside the white line, a rookie looking parking job to say the least.

With his wallet in one hand, and his keys twirled around the index finder of his other, as he heard the metal pieces clank, he walked through the glass doors into the store. He heard the chime of the opening door ring through the mostly empty space.There were only a few people. An old lady who was carefully inspecting the soup aisle, and a middle aged woman with her toddler son who were walking past the ice cream. The little kid with his hand up in the air, his finger pointed to the tub of rocky road that was barely visible through fogged over glass. He noticed the exhausted eyes of the woman masked by heavy mascara and shadow. “I already said no Daniel.” she sighed. Joyce Byers was at the counter, her elbows resting by the cash register, head propped up in her hands as she stared blankly in front of her with her head tilted in a way that indicated she was thinking about something that the rest of the world just couldn’t comprehend.

He ignored the total three figures that roamed the aisles of the small little corner store, offered a wave and a smile to Mrs. Byers that went completely unnoticed, and got to the task at hand. Not there to pick up some milk or butter like Neil always had him do whenever they ran out, as if he was the one sneaking spoonfuls of butter at two in the morning. No, that was all Max, the fucking weirdo. He also wasn’t there to pick up a pack of cigarettes, though he probably would once he got to the counter, considering the phrase “pack of reds” served as his default greeting to every cashier. He was there, at Melvald’s, at three in the afternoon, like a fucking sap, because he was buying little treats for the boyfriend he had waiting for him at the big house off of 3rd avenue, a movie and hopefully more as their evening plans.

He knew what Steve liked. He hated what Steve liked. But despite his utter disgust over strawberry fruit snacks tainting delicious cheddar cheese popcorn, the smile on Steve’s face whenever he tossed a new box of Sunkist Fun Fruits at him was worth the effort of sifting through the bowl. He located the snack aisle and picked out the familiar yellow and red box, along with some Orville Redenbacher. The time on the clock overhead read only a quarter after three, and Steve wouldn’t be home from dealing with the nerd herd until at least a quarter ‘til, so with his extra time, he continued to browse.

He picked up a couple of other things. A box of Twinkies so he could make some of his favorite jokes, some Ho Hos so Steve could make some of his. The basket was slowly filled to the brim with junk food, indicative of a truly wild night ahead of him.

On his way to the refrigerated section to scope out the drinks, the glimpse of a carefully assorted rainbow of colors stopped him in his tracks. It’s a small section, no more than two and a half feet in diameter, but at almost the instant he recognized the familiarly shaped bottles on display, he went on complete pause. There was nobody anywhere around him, no sound of nearing footsteps, so he let himself stand there and ponder. Let himself imagine just reaching out and touching something on display as he kept his eyes averted, locked straightforwardly toward the cases of beer behind translucent refrigerator doors. He just stared blankly, with an inner attempt to form some reasonable excuse to be a man who was looking at makeup.

“Oh, Max asked me to pick it up for her.”

He settled on that one.

And turned his head.

He was just going to look. That was all.

There held a whole magnitude of various beauty products, from polishes, to moisturizers, to lipsticks…

That rosy pink stared right back at him like it was screaming at him to pick it up. To look. To swatch. To taste. To feel that velvety cream cover his lips. A tint similar to that of his own lips but just more… pretty. Smooth and elegant and airbrushed. “Soft matte look,” it read.

He wanted it.

He wanted to add it into the basket of goodies he’s already collected as another treat for himself. Maybe a treat for Steve if he decides he likes it.

They discussed it in the past in a very, tip-toed around the subject kind of way. Steve gently held his hand in his as he applied a light pink varnish, similar to that of the lipstick shade, onto his nails. Steady hands perfectly coated the area without any sign of streaks or rough edges. They’d reached a point where that was routine, a little thing Billy could have of himself while they were alone together. Another thing they could add onto the list. It was something Billy felt just a little bit of safety around taking with him that one time. When the night had gone so perfectly with hot cocoa by the furnace, and the added bonus that Neil wouldn’t be home to inspect his appearance, he said no to the cotton balls and acetone and the clear coat replacement and instead let color coated nails remain under the cloak of his jacket pockets. He was on cloud nine as he walked through the door of his own house with concealed hands and no questions asked. He locked the door to his room and allowed himself to stare down at his hands. Fingers splayed against his bedding looking at how the pink contrasted with the blue of his sheets, and he felt an overwhelming sense of contentment and a little dash of pride.

That same night, while his nails were going from bland to bold, Steve popped the question like it held no weight at all. Like it was just a casual sort of thing used to fill the silent gaps.

“Have you thought about wearing makeup at all?”

He didn’t even look at him when he said it, completely enthralled in the way the bristles contacted the nail, so he didn’t see Billy's eyes widen like saucers. However, he did notice as the hand in his hold began trembling.

Steve ever so slightly tightened his grip to help reduce the shaking, his eyes angled up at Billy finally, the painting temporarily discontinued. “Hey, are you okay?” he asked.

No. Yes? The thing was, with Steve’s first question, the answer was yes. He had thought about it. All the damn time. Like a woodpecker pecking away at his skull, he thought about it. Every time he saw a woman with a shimmer on her eyes, black in her waterline, a shine to her lips, a rosy tint to her cheeks… he felt unbridled envy. He wanted to feel the way they felt. Billy wanted powder to clog his pores and give his face a uniform color. Become a blank slate. He envied that soft and smooth and gentle and pretty appearance.

He found himself on more than one occasion sneaking into the master bathroom where Susan had kept all of her make up. Too scared to touch it, he would just look at it. Try to psyche himself up to reach for that little tube of Mary Kay mascara and shove it into his pocket before the rumble of the truck outside would shake the house.

Instead he would slam the drawer shut and rush back to his room and forget it even happened as he bit away at his clear coated nails. He’d fall back onto his pillow and let his eyes fall shut. He would let the darkness consume him into a dream where he didn’t have to be afraid to add volume to his already long lashes or add a tinted gloss to his lips. He’d enjoy the free feeling for as long as it would last.

So yeah. He thought about wearing makeup.

He didn’t tell Steve that though. Instead he chose to only respond to the second question. Because some things were just a little too hard to say out loud. Some things were a little too foreign.

As much as Billy wanted to bridge that gap between femininity and masculinity, he also had every desire to keep them separate. To push away all of those urges to wear lacy lingerie and silk panties. Keep his hair short, face and nails bare and unkempt. Smell of sweat and hard work like a man. “I’m fine.” he said in lieu of the complete truth. It didn’t feel or sound like a lie when he said it. But later on he figures out that it definitely was.

They had that conversation already, but it didn’t keep those thoughts from lingering. His mind was boggled with confusion about who he was and what he liked and the additional bafflement over how simple it all was to Steve.

So simple in fact that he said the most perfect thing as if it was just another instinctual flick of the tongue.

“Well I can bet you’d look real pretty with lipstick.”

It was said like he wants it. Not just for Billy’s sake, but his own, and that right there felt amazing.

That was the first night he finally let his hands sift through that drawer of Susan’s and sneak away a couple of items. Susan and Neil had yet to arrive home from their trip into the city so Billy was safe. He had painted nails that felt like a shield. When he held the tube of mascara, the nude bullet lipstick, and the only bottle of polish he could find in his own hands, he felt completely untouchable.

He locked himself in his own room and stood in front of his makeshift vanity. Tossed the stolen objects into the mess of cologne, hairspray, and cigarette ash. He just studied himself for a moment. Hunched over taking deep and shaky breaths, in and out. Every logical thought in his mind was shouting at him to go put it back. To put it somewhere other than his room. That dreadful thought that just its temporary occupancy in his room would be easily detected by Neil, even if he chucked it out of his window right then, scared him. It was all too risky to be doing in his own house, yet he still twisted open the cap of the mascara and pulled out the wand.

It was in that moment that Billy had no fucking clue what he was doing. Didn’t even know where to begin.

He just closed it right back up, slipped it underneath a stack of records, and moved on. He twisted open the lipstick only to be met with a very light shade. Lighter than his own skin color. Applied to his lips it just looked absolutely ridiculous. It didn’t give him that pop of vibrancy he envied in the women he saw. It made his lips feel more sunken in and lifeless, rather than big and beautiful.

And he already knew he hated the nail polish. He didn’t even have to apply it. It was a rust color, like a dirty orange. Billy hated the color orange, and mixing it with brown didn’t fucking improve it.

It was all a total bust. A complete waste of his energy. With his sleeve he wiped the lipstick from his lips and stowed away the rest of the contraband. He went to bed feeling extra shitty, the despair of empty darkness was the only thing included in his night.

He stopped letting himself think about makeup since that night. All it achieved was making him feel disappointed and just... bad. No other way to describe it.

But it all came flooding back when he saw the display. Not the bad feelings, the good ones, the ones he had in his dreams. The feeling of completion that couldn’t be realized with the makeup Susan guilt purchased off of a friend’s “growing small business.” There was a little hope growing in the pit of his stomach as he let himself peruse the many options at his disposal. A little bit of hope that maybe he just didn’t have the right stuff.

He just held the pink lipstick in his hand. He debated between dropping it into the basket or hanging it back up on the hook. Twiddling it in between his fingers, he let his mind race to many different places. Emotions of fear and joy clashed in his mind, like he couldn’t have one without facing the other.

But fear wasn’t dependent on joy. Because a small woman cleared her throat next to him and, surely enough, the only thing he was feeling at that moment was complete terror. Not an ounce of happiness to be seen.

It was Joyce Byers.

Well shit.

“Whatcha got there?” she asked, neck craned to the left to make out what he had tightly clasped between his fingers.

“It’s for Max.” he said, too assuredly. Like it was clearly a prepared statement, the lie obvious in the pitch of his voice.

“Really? Max doesn’t strike me as a makeup girl.” It’s not really accusatory, not necessarily. But he could hear it. That ever so slight undertone in her voice that had disbelief written all over it. Her head was cocked just like it was when he first walked into the store, and it felt like she was reading him like a goddamn open book.

Billy couldn’t seem to find the words, unsure how to defend himself in the situation he was completely unprepared for. Stood there in silence as he let the words filter through his brain, waiting for the right ones to pop up in front of him, but they never did. He never really knew how to talk to older women other than through excessive and overdone flirtation.

“What shade did you pick?”

With no other choice in his immediate thoughts, he handed the lipstick tube over. She slowly took it away from his slightly too tight of a grip. She had a slight smile when she pulled off the cap to see the rose colored tip slowly rise out as she twists the bottom of the silver tube.

“This is pretty, though I think a shade like this would complement a skin tone more like your own. Wouldn’t you agree?”

That was the invitation, right there in that subtle little nod. She made eye contact with him before she quickly turned her eyes downward at his hands. the same hands that were nervously chipping away at dried, hideous, rust colored nail polish that he painted just before he left as a little surprise for Steve. Even though he hated the color, even though his right hand looked much better than his left. Ambidexterity was not something in his wheelhouse. He immediately stuffed his one free hand into his pocket, and tossed the other one that was currently holding his basket of groceries behind his back. As if she hadn’t already seen. She’d figured him out like some elementary math problem. The lipstick and the nail polish was just a 2 + 2 = 4 kind of situation.

“I don’t - this isn’t…” He couldn’t get a full sentence out because he really had no clue as to how to deny it, and there’s also a weird feeling that he loathes where he’s not sure he even wants to. She was just Joyce Byers. His only connection to the woman had a pretty long chain. Steve’s ex’s boyfriend’s Mom. Or Max’s friend’s Mom. Nothing direct. Nothing so close that he had to truly fear. Additionally, she was being nice? She wasn’t doing the things he’d always expected people to do. She wasn’t spewing slurs or making fun. There was a genuine motherly interest in the way she asked for the color that wasn’t completely foreign, but it was something so far away in his past that it might as well have been.

His face got red from just his own natural blush. His heart was racing, beating out of his chest until he could hear the blood pumping in his ears. He felt like he’s being submerged under water until there was a small, cold hand pulling at his own.

“Come with me.” she says, her voice soft and planned. Billy just let her guide him, giving up and giving in to the little temptation to let someone else inside of the little sanctuary he built for himself. Even if all it was was just a small little glimpse into Billy’s secret world he’d only just begun exploring. He had so many things left to discover, things he wouldn’t find if he let his fear and shame dictate everything.

Joyce led him into the compact supply closet in the back of the store. They’re surrounded by shelves filled with boxes and various miscellany. He felt slightly suffocated in the small enclosure, but simultaneously a weird feeling of warmth in the way Joyce smiled at him. A soft upturn of the corners of her mouth, lips still sealed but the sincerity clear in the brightness of her eyes and the slight rise of her brows.

“What were you looking to get?” she asks. Unspecific yet specific. She left a name unattached to the end of the question on purpose to give Billy the opportunity for an out, if he wanted to deny the thing they both knew to be true.

“Lipstick? Gloss maybe? I don’t - I’m not sure I…”

After taking the full basket from his hands and setting it onto the floor, Joyce took his hands into her own again.

“It’s okay, y’know, if it’s not for Max.”

She was so straightforward. She just got right to the point without it feeling like an attack. Just strode right in with unwavering acceptance and affirmation. Letting him know that it was okay.

He looked at Joyce and saw his mom. Not the mom who abandoned him with Neil, but the mom who did things like this. The one who would cradle him after a nightmare and who told him he was destined for greatness. The one who encouraged him to be himself even when his father had other ideas.

“You know who you are. Nobody else gets to say differently.” she’d tell him when his father forced him into baseball and threw out his stuffed animals. Neil would go on to replace the keepsakes that represented softness with model cars and legos. It was just an act of toughening him up and preparing him to become a man at the ripe old age of seven. He was reminded daily of his role as a man in society with little tests just to make sure he stayed in line.

“What’s your favorite color?”

“Red.” he’d say, when he wanted to say purple.

He’d get berated when he cried when he got hurt.

“If you want to cry I’ll give you something to cry about,” Neil would say, as he stuck a hydrogen peroxide saturated cotton ball into the open wound.

Billy’s Mom never did that. Always warned him about the sting and rubbed his arm the whole way through. Preaching the opposite of everything his Dad would say. “It’s okay to cry, honey. Just let it out.”

His Mom was beautiful. He loved to sit in the bathroom and watch her as she put on her makeup. He’d seen the way her mouth dropped open when she applied mascara to her eyes, the way she smacked her lips together after she swiped on her favorite red lipstick... he wanted to be just like her.

He’d stolen from her once, and it didn’t end well. It was just a red lipstick. He was caught, almost literally, red handed. When his father had barged into his bedroom without so much as a knock, the red on his lips turned into red elsewhere. It was a mistake he learned never to repeat.

After all that, there he was, in a store where he listened to a woman tell him that all of the things he was raised to believe were far from okay, were perfectly okay. With Steve’s voice in his head echoing that of his Mom’s and Joyce’s, he let himself actually believe it this time.

“Thanks.” Billy said. It’s the closest thing he’ll get to an admission. He can’t outright say it, but in the way her smile widened before she turned around, he knew she understood.

“So,” she said, “–I have some product we can’t sell because the seals were broken. They’re still perfectly fine if you would like them.” She pulled a couple of things from the box on the lower shelf. The same lipstick he’d held out in the store along with a clear gloss, a small eyeshadow palette, some face powder and mascara. A full face worth of makeup moved from the palms of her hands into his own, accepting them with a nod of his head and the sniffle of someone trying to hold back tears.

“Are you sure?” he asked. A question with multiple meanings. All of which Joyce seems to pick up on. She pulled him into a tight hug. A warmth encompassed him all around that made him feel so overcome and just… good. Joyful and free like a painful growth was painlessly removed along with the truth’s reveal.

“Yes. I’m sure Billy. It’s okay.” An answer with multiple meanings.

They both exit the small closet, it felt like a metaphor for something. He headed up to the counter to buy his items, and Joyce began scanning his things when she got another smile on her face.

“Special occasion tonight?” she asked.

“Yeah. I got a hot date.” Not a lie.

She laughed a little before she punched the keys on the register.

“Anything else I can get for you Billy?”

Billy smiled.

“A pack of Reds.”

- : -

When Billy pulled into the driveway of Steve’s house he barged right in through the front door. He held the paper bag close to his chest and he shouted an “I have arrived!” that echoed up the stairs and all the way up to Steve’s room. Billy could hear the springs of Steve’s bed before he got up and rushed down the stairs to greet him with a little peck on the lips, immediately taking the bag from Billy’s hands to begin the formal review of his selections.

Steve set the bag onto the coffee table and began to sift through all of the things Billy bought. He tossed the cigarette pack at Billy with aggressive force before going right back into the bag.

The real surprise laid close to the bottom of the bag, hidden beneath the Twinkies and the popcorn and all the other junk food that had Steve beaming. Food was truly the easiest way to Steve’s heart.

Billy stood there tapping his foot and grabbing at his hands behind his back as he waited for Steve to see all the other things he got, to give him that little reaction he always knew would be positive, no matter the voices in his head that told him otherwise.

He seemed to have reached the bottom of the bag when he stalled. He just stared into the bottom of the brown paper bag, the table already covered in scattered candy and snacks, the only things left in the bag were the gifts from Joyce.

“Please tell me you’re going to put this on tonight.” Steve finally turned to look at him with an absolute ridiculous smile on his face. His mouth and eyes couldn’t possibly get any wider than they were right then. He seemed so fucking excited and it all radiated straight into Billy, and all he could do was walk up to him and kiss him. Billy pulled Steve’s face with both hands and practically consumed him like he was one of those Hostess desserts. Two untameable smiles pressed up against each other.

Billy reached for the tube of lipstick out of the bag and held it in between the two of them, he asked, “Are you going to help me put it on?”

Billy was wrong. Steve’s smile could get wider. Steve took Billy by the hand and sat him down on the couch, taking the bag with him as he straddled Billy’s lap.

“You know what you’re doing pretty boy?” Billy asked. He pushed Steve’s hair behind his ears as he looked up at him in awe. He relished in Steve’s excitement that was perfectly matching his own. It was all he could ever ask for.

“Yeah,” he said, “I’ve seen Nancy do it enough times.” Billy rolls his eyes at the mention of her name. Steve poked him in the face, causing Billy's face to scrunch. “Oh get over it Billy, I am.”

Billy was already shaking with anticipation and just wanted to get on with it without the mention of Steve’s former girlfriend. “Just shut up. Make me the prettier one.”

“Oh you already are, gorgeous.”

Steve twisted open the lipstick and carefully held Billy’s chin up so he was looking directly at him. With a steady hand and a soft touch, the smooth cream brushed against his lips and coated them to perfection. No overdrawn lines or transferring to his teeth, the color suited him so well, just a soft pink just slightly darker and more vibrant than the color of his own. It made his lips look bolder and fuller than they already were.

“Now look straight forward for me,” Steve said before he reached into the bag for another piece of product. “–and raise your eyebrows.” Steve twisted and pulled the wand from the metallic gold tube, the black bristles looked like spider legs. “Okay, hold still.”

“I swear to God Steve, if you poke me in the fucking eye–”

“Have some faith in me, damn!”

Fortunately for both Billy and Steve, none of the black goopy liquid found its way into Billy’s eyes. There was only a minor sting that, with time, he could easily see himself get used to. The sensation was followed by the feeling of soft bristles going in circles around his cheeks. Steve had asked him to smile for the application, but that wasn’t the reason he was doing it. The look of focus in Steve’s eyes along with the slight exposure of the tip of his tongue through his mostly sealed lips had sent Billy reeling.

Steve leaned back to get a complete view of his work. “Wow, I’m good.”

“Okay, hot shot,” Billy said with a nudge to his shoulder, “show me then.”

In a moment of surprising strength, Steve hoisted Billy up and over his shoulder by the grab of his ass. Billy’s stomach had come to rest right on the point of Steve’s shoulder, which sent him into a fit of uncontrollable laughter. His voice fluctuated and bounced with each step Steve took down the hall toward the bathroom. Billy clung to Steve’s shirt, hiking it up past the midpoint of his as he did so.

“Oh my god! Put me down!” he laughed.

Billy’s legs flailed, with the result of a knocked over a lamp and a bruised ankle from the abrupt contact with the doorframe.

“Ow!”

“Sorry!”

Steve sat Billy on the edge of the sink, his face still faced away from the mirror. They were still coming down from their laughter when Billy, seemingly having forgotten about the makeover that he had just been given not even a full minute ago, leant down in an attempt to lay one right onto Steve.

“Hey, don’t ruin it before you even see it!” Steve pushed him back away from him and then helped him down from the sink and with a comforting grip of Billy’s biceps, he turned him around. “See? it looks so good on you!” Steve stood behind Billy with his hands trailing down to his waist, head over his shoulder, looking at him like he was his brilliant creation. Steve Harrington’s masterpiece, his most prized possession. “Wait right here, I got you something.”

Left alone in the bathroom, Billy was able to just let himself stare. Let himself lean in close to the mirror, his nose nearly touched the glass as he studied the tint to his lips, the definition to his lashes, the slight pink to his cheeks... It was the first time he ever looked at himself, like really looked at himself, and saw someone pretty. He truly believed it this time.

Steve came back with a bag of his own. It was a small bag with a French name on the side of it Black, and elegant, and Billy already had an idea of what’s inside. The day just kept on getting better. Billy tore the tissue out of the bag, and pulled the pieces of fabric out. It was a dust rose garter belt with stockings, panties, and a bralette, a perfect match for his lips. The lace was so sheer and the baroque floral patterns were so elegant he wanted nothing more than to just put it on right there. Strip himself down to the bare essentials and allow the openwork to protect him.

“You think you wanna give me a fashion show?” Steve asked, pulling the sleeves of Billy’s jacket down over his shoulders. Billy smiled and pushed Steve gently out the bathroom door and shut it right in his face.

He wasted no time putting it on. The way the fabric sat on his hips and his chest felt almost like it was tailored specifically to him. Enough room in the crotch area while also perfectly hugging his hips. The stockings squeezing his thighs just the perfect amount. There was no uncomfortable overhang in the bralette. He had never felt more comfortable wearing anything before. The pink on tan skin, the emphasis on every curve of his. He felt so soft and pretty and almost totally complete. He was just missing one thing.

Billy strutted out of the bathroom with a genuine conviction he’d never had before. There was no fear this time, no tears. Just pure elation at the prospect of Steve seeing him like this. Loving the way he looks in lingerie and makeup. Loving him for who he is and thinking he’s still hot. Still sexy and attractive.

“Holy shit you look fucking amazing baby.” Steve slowly walked toward him. He took in the whole view, committing the entire sight to memory because it was absolutely glorious. “I hope you aren’t mad,” he began, his hands finding Billy’s hips. “but I had my Mom pick it up while she was in Paris. I found out they make men’s lingerie there and I wanted you to have something special. She doesn’t know who it was for, but she knows I’m dating a guy now.”

They had never really discussed the topic of coming out. It felt like something that didn’t need to be said. Telling people was something so far off the radar of possibility that Billy felt a creeping sensation of absolute dread before he was finally able to open up his mouth to speak.

“And she was okay with it?”

Steve smiled and bowed his head just slightly. “Surprisingly, yeah. She was the one who wanted to pick something up for you. So I jumped on the chance.”

“Does your Dad know?” Steve laughed and shook his head.

“God I hope not. His brain would probably explode.” Billy pulled Steve in by the hold of his cheeks, and let their foreheads touch while they stared deep into each other’s eyes. Steve’s hands traced up and down the curves of Billy’s body, fingers dragged against the lace and their smiles were uncontrollable. “I’m sorry, I should have asked you first.”

“Hey,” Billy’s voice was soft, “I’m happy for you.” Steve's sigh of relief was hot against Billy’s mouth. “And thank you, for this.” he said before the distance between them was finally closed and lips were pressed to lips, pink color smeared all over each other’s faces.

The only thing better than wearing that lipstick was having Steve ruin it.

next part

[wiypt-writes]

Leave No One Behind

Ch 6- Kiss The Girl

Co written with @icanfeelastormbrewing​

Episode Summary: Ari is trying to find the right moment to talk to Hannah about their kiss but things and people just keep getting in the goddamned way…

Episode Warnings: Bad Language words. A world of smut via flashback (NSFW no under18s)

Episode Pairings:  Ari Levinson x OFC Hannah Horowitz

A/N: So, we promised you some soft daddy Ari, and here he is…you might want to grab a fan or something coz we ain’t gonna lie, this one left us in a puddle on the floor!!!

 Leave No One Behind Masterlist // Main Masterlist

Chapter 5

“Life can be short or long, love can be right or wrong, And I if chose the one I’d like to help me through, I’d like to make it with you, I really think that we could make it, girl.” Make It With You by B.R.E.A.D

It had been days since the kiss, which soon enough turned into weeks. 4 and a half to be exact. Ari knew. He had counted them along with each phase of the moon, and nothing happened. They had kissed and that was it and to say it was bugging him would be an understatement.

He had tried, though. Well, sort of. The night after the kiss, Ari had seen Hannah walking Simon towards her spot as she had gotten used to doing before going to sleep. He had started after her on impulse, but then he had stopped on the beach sand and  chickened out when he realised he hadn't thought about what to say and ended up going back to his hut after finishing his cigarette.

A couple of nights later, he had mustered enough courage and was determined to go after her. He needed to speak to her. He didn't know exactly what he would say but he had come to the conclusion it would be best to wing it and let his mind speak for itself. Just get your ass there and let's see how it goes, Levinson. And then Sammy (who else?!) had appeared with a bottle of whiskey asking him to join him and Jake. It was a good thing, though. They had sorted their differences which had left them on an even keel, although Ari wondered for how long. If Sammy only knew what was on his mind just a few seconds before...  But Sammy had also told him he had also apologised to Hannah so things were getting better, that much was undeniable.

Still, the fact was, that little gathering around a bottle of whiskey had meant Ari had left another few days go without speaking to her. And even though she hadn't reached out to him either and things, everything considered, weren't awkward between them, Ari knew he had to speak to her.

The next chance he got was another few days later. Everyone was busy after dinner and he decided it was the perfect opportunity to go for it. But he had to stop when he met some tourists on the beach near her spot. He had to feign he was checking up on them and after a polite exchange on the wonderful time they were having at the resort he had to turn on his steps and head back to his hut, cursing all the way.

The more time that went by the harder it was getting not only to find the perfect moment but also to gather the courage to have that pending conversation with Hannah. So Ari found himself one night wondering if it was just better left alone. Was there even a pending conversation to have? The atmosphere was good, Hannah was fine with him, even her and Sammy had taken a trip together to Port Sudan and no one had died. That was another bump in the road, every time he commented on having to go to Port Sudan or even Khartoum hoping for Hannah to come with him, someone called dibs or even offered to go on his behalf. So he had stopped faking reasons for the trips and coming up with real reasons as chances were he would end up going with someone else or staying at the resort.

Fortunately Simon made it impossible to stay in a bad mood. The dog was as cheeky as it gets. Hannah had been teaching him some tricks so he now sat, gave his paw and rolled over. Well, sort of, he more like got onto his back and stayed there with his short legs extended in the air. It was hilarious. He also went conveniently deaf whenever anyone other than Hannah or Ari told him to do anything. So it was a common joke now that Simon was his and Hannah's kid, which didn't bother Ari in the slightest. On the contrary, he happily played along when someone told him to take care of his child.

Thus, week after week went by and before they knew it they were in the middle of February and Rachel was preparing to take the first Shore Leave trip home. She was the only one with kids other than Ari, but Maya was with her mother while Rachel's kids were with their grandparents so they all agreed she should be the first to travel home. Hannah would take her place as managing director, aerobics instructor and much to Max and Jake laugh, masseuse.

The night before Rachel travelled to the US, Hannah was in the kitchen feeding Simon after they had already had dinner while the rest of them were chilling on the patio. Rachel had sneaked a bottle of Tequila from the stash of alcohol they had been gathering from their trips to Port Sudan or the nearest village market, to toast for a safe trip home. Jake, encouraged by the Tequila shots he had been gulping, was hitting on a group of young female tourists that were gathered around an improvised bonfire on the beach.

"It's the first time I see him do that in the nearly two months we've been here." Max snorted, seeing Jake stumble on the sand and fall on his ass next to one of the girls.

"Guess the real Jake has taken over Luca Morano." Sammy scoffed.

"It has." Ari chuckled. "Did I ever tell you how I found him with a girl in a decompression tank when I went to recruit him in Belize?"

"Now that's Jake Wolf." Max laughed. "Must have been a sight to see."

"Oh, it was. Stark naked. Refused to cover himself up all through our conversation." Ari confided before taking a drag of his cigarette.

"Well, he has managed to keep himself away from tourists until now. We have to give him that." Max commented.

"Maybe it's because Hannah’s not into him after all." Rachel deadpanned, always the perceptive one.

"What do you mean?" Sammy asked or more like groaned.

"Just saying they're not diving as much now as they did before. She’s cooled off, certainly over the last month anyway." she shrugged.

Everyone fell silent for a few minutes, enjoying their shots and taking in Rachel's words. Of course she had noticed, she always did. That was what made her, along with other qualities, one of the best spies Mossad could ever hope for. 

Ari could see the clogs in Sammy's brain turning, as usual his brain short-circuited when it came to his sister. He, on the other hand, was low-key pleased to hear that. He wouldn't be feeding himself to the sharks after all and he couldn't help the smile that spread on his face when Hannah came back with Simon and grinned at the sight of Jake flirting with the group of women.

"How's he doing?" she asked, nodding towards Jake before taking a seat next to Ari.

"Working on it." Max answered, looking first at Hannah and then discreetly at Ari who was still smiling widely.

*********

The following morning, after having waved goodbye to Rachel who had left after giving some last minute instructions to Hannah and promising them all to make the most of her week off, Jake, Max, Ari and Hannah were sat at their breakfast table.

"They must think we're stupid." Hannah said, pointing to the fact that Sammy had offered himself, more like jumped to the opportunity of driving Rachel to the airport in Port Sudan.

"What?" Ari asked.

"Ok, maybe you all are stupid." she said rolling her eyes as she poured herself some more coffee.

The three men ignored her jab and looked blankly at one another for what looked like an eternity until Max twigged it. Hannah spotted the exact moment coz he grinned and gave his trademark chuckle. That was enough for Ari to realise as well.

"Rachel and Sammy?" Ari asked, not believing it. 

"You're a dumbass, Levinson." Hannah teased him. 

Simon then rolled on the floor and gave a loud yip as if to highlight his mum's words.

"Wouldn't be so pleased, pal. He's coming back." Jake said, looking down at the dog. 

Everyone chuckled at the comment and as much as Jake tried to hide his hangover behind his shades, his hoarse voice was betraying him.

"This is good." Max said, still grinning. "I mean Sammy needs to get laid, release some tension."

"Don’t we all?" Jake quipped, thus unwillingly confessing he hadn't been lucky the night before.

"Cheers to that." Hannah said, raising her mug.

Max, Jake and Ari all raised their mugs to join Hannah in her toast as they laughed, though Ari was internally groaning. He wasn't expecting having to visit the shower again that morning.

*********

With Rachel gone Hannah was busier than ever as she had to pick up a lot of her chores, including the aerobics classes. Having to witness Hannah every morning clad in those colourful tight leotards and tights, bending and stretching sent Ari into a frenzy. At some point he tried to avoid her classes, either to dodge suspicious looks from Sammy or to prevent Jake from drooling shamelessly over Hannah and other female tourists too. 

“What? Why can you be at the classes and I can't?” Jake asked Ari one morning after he gave him a reproachful look because the truth was that Ari’s attempts to avoid them had failed, miserably, and instead he had found any excuse possible to lurk in the reception area. Be it a document he needed to check, a key someone from the staff had asked him for or a glass of water he had to grab from the kitchen, among other things, which always caused some giggles from the group of young female tourists. If they only knew it wasn't about them.

Ari had come to the conclusion that he needed to speak to Hannah, because it was starting to get embarrassing and Simon wasn't helping. The dog was exposing him even more as he would bark at him and look for his attention every time he walked in to the room with another lame ass excuse. He had no idea what he would say or how he would address the elephant in the room after so a month, he just knew he needed to be alone with her or he would go crazy. 

However, he failed again and again not only because with Rachel gone Hannah was busier and didn't have much free time but because most of the scarce free time she had was spent with Sammy, who was excessively clingy to his sister.  Ari now realised that Hannah had been right, the man clearly had a thing for the blonde. 

Which was even clearer the evening before Rachel was due to return as Sammy had been particularly jovial after a week of exacerbate grumpiness and moping around the resort. A fact that didn't go unnoticed by any of them. What was more, Hannah was not letting the opportunity to tease his brother go by.

Sammy had offered to walk Simon with her before going to sleep and they were walking along the sea shore in a comfortable silence when he threw a stick towards the waves so that Simon could go and fetch it. Hannah didn't hesitate to bug him when he bent to scratch Simon's ear when the dog came back with the stick in his mouth.

"I don’t recognise you, Samuel Navon. You’re even being nice to Simon." she said.

"Well, he’s growing on me." he shrugged, smiling at the dog.

To be honest, Hannah knew Simon was indeed growing on him. The dog had become a sort of celebrity in the resort, with all the guest ladies cooing over him like a baby whenever he was near and him going from group to group of guests on the beach, demanding attention from everyone, most of them willing to give it to him. But, there was something else to Sammy's sudden cheerfulness and Hannah was sure she knew what it was.

"Bullshit. Just yesterday you were wanting to kill him because he chewed your shoes." Hannah smirked, stopping to look at her brother.

"Why does he have to chew my shoes when he has Jake’s shirts to go at?" Sammy whined. 

"It’s a woman, isn’t it? More specifically, it’s Rachel. She’s back tomorrow and you’re happy…" Hannah insisted, smiling at him in an attempt to make him confide in her. Sammy had never been the one to let his emotions take over. Even when they were kids she had been the lively, expressive one and he had been the brooding older brother.

"Will you shut up if I tell you it is?" he asked, more of an order than a question. He knew her sister and there was no going back at this point, he had been busted. Better to get it over with in the most graceful manner possible.

Hannah grinned "You sly dog."  and then she offered him a warm smile "Good for you, Sammy.  I’m pleased."

"I don’t know if she feels the same way…so I don’t want to make a fuss about it, ok?" he said, trying to dim his sister's enthusiasm. 

"My lips are sealed." she made a zip gesture over her mouth. "But you know there’s only one way to find out? Ask."

"Easier said than done." Sammy scoffed.

Hannah then sighed, "Don’t I know it."

Sammy looked at his sister, his brow furrowing.

 "What do you mean?"

"Oh nothing…was just talking in general." she said, trying to make it sound casual.

"No, you weren’t." he retorted.  "But it's ok if you want me to pretend you were. After everything that’s happened I’m probably better off in the dark."

Hannah smiled at her brother's words. After all, he was trying hard not to meddle in her life, unless she asked him to do so, as she had requested when he had apologised to her weeks earlier.

"Just give yourself the chance to be happy, Han." he said as he reached to hug her.

Hannah sighed and leaned into her brother's embrace. She knew full well he didn’t mean Ari when he was talking about her happiness, but that was where her mind went. The thought of Ari's shore leave looming in the horizon, as his turn would come only a few days post Rachel's return, made her shiver. And the realisation that she needed to speak to him before he left hit her like a landslide. She needed to reach out to him before he went back to the real world. To Maya. To Sarah.

"Easier said than done." she forced a smile, repeating her brother’s earlier words back to him. 

*****

Rachel returned the following day and she was beaming. Being able to spend time with her kids had, no doubt, suited her. It was now a matter of days for Ari to be able to spend time with Maya and he was looking forward to it. The countdown to his leave officially started and he was excited to see Ethan too as he was proud of how they were set up and operating. His idea of turning the resort into a running hotel had been a great success and Ari couldn't wait to report to Ethan face to face, or Isaacs for that matter. The Head of Mossad had been a whiny bitch about them taking in real tourists and Ari, arrogant as he was at times, was hoping to have the opportunity to rub it in his face.

Yet there was one thing that was bothering him and would keep him awake late at night, and that was Hannah. Over the past few days Ari had noticed she had started to withdraw again. She should have been more relaxed now that Rachel was back but she had become warier and quieter instead. But that wasn't the only thing bugging him. He was well aware that he was going to miss her and he was finding it quite odd. They hadn't seen each other at all over the last four years and now the idea of being apart from her for ten days was bothering him.

They say time flies. Either because you're having a great time or because you don't want time to pass at all, which was the reason in Hannah's case. The night before Ari left they were gathered together as usual after dinner, having drinks and toasting to Ari's safe flight home. Hannah was trying to keep it cool and ignore the churning feeling in her stomach, but she was failing spectacularly. She was a jumble of nerves, she had been for the past few days, but that night it was getting worse so she decided to stop drinking before she barfed or even worse got so drunk she would start doing or saying something she would regret. She felt like she was gonna start crying any minute and Max and Jake goofing around weren't helping her in any way.

"Come on, Red. Drink another shot with me." Jake said, wrapping an arm around her shoulders as he poured two tequila shots with his free hand.

"I don't want to drink, Jake." she refused the drink with a wave of her hand.

"What? Are you pregnant? Don't tell me, a hairy Nazi knocked you up after a massage." Max snorted, visibly drunk.

"You're not funny, Maxwell. Fuck you." she growled at him, standing up to shove him in the chest almost sending him flying backwards on his chair.

"What's wrong with you, cracker?" he yelled back, visibly surprised, trying not to lose balance as the chair teetered precariously on its back two legs.

All the group, in fact, were surprised. Not only because Hannah and Max were best friends and got on but also because they joked and pranked each other on a daily basis and Hannah had never snapped at him like that. Normally she would have come up with a smart reply and they would have been bickering for minutes but that night Hannah was behaving out of character.

She didn't answer Max, instead she shook her head and left, with Simon following trail. Everyone then turned to glare at Max who shrugged and leaned to grab the bottle of Tequila.

"Something has gotten her on edge. She's been odd for a few days but today she's been particularly bad." Rachel explained, looking worriedly towards the path that led to the huts.

Ari sighed, both of his hands brushing his hair back. He wanted to go after her but wasn't sure if it would be weird in the eyes of the rest of the team.  While debating what to do he looked at Sammy but he was busy looking at her and asking Rachel what she meant. Max was out of the question as he had decided to drown his concern in Tequila shots, so he looked at Jake who nodded meeting Ari's eyes. Go talk to her, he mouthed.

He didn't have to be told twice. Ari stood up and went to find her. In order not to raise suspicions, more on Sammy's part than on anyone else's, he went in the opposite direction before doubling back around the front of the resort. He went to the beach and started walking thinking maybe Hannah had decided to go to her spot on the rocks after all. But she wasn't there so he decided to try her hut. And there she was as he heard Simon bark when he knocked on the door.

"What do you want, Ari?" Hannah asked the moment she opened the door.

She didn't seem surprised to see him at her door but she didn't seem excited or pleased either. She seemed so messed up, as she didn't give a damn about anyone anymore.

"Wanted to see if you’d drive me to the airport tomorrow." he said shyly.

He hadn't thought about what to say to her, not knowing the mood she would be in and the idea came to him out of the blue. He thought it was the perfect chance to be alone, to talk.

Hannah frowned at him "Thought you already asked Sammy."

Busted.

Ari looked down at his feet, put his hands on his hips and sighed.

"What do you really want, Ari? I’m not in the mood." she asked again.

"No, but you’re in A mood. I noticed, matter of fact everyone did..." and then he paused as a thought hit him. As unlikely as it was, he decided to ask anyway, edging his bets. “Is it…is it because I’m leaving tomorrow?"

Ari saw her eyes beginning to cloud and she looked away 

“No.”

"You’re as bad a liar as Sammy." he said, trying to lighten up her mood.

But his attempt to make her smile resulted in her turning away from him. She left the door open though so he stepped in and closed it behind him, accepting the silent invitation. 

"Firefly I…" he began.

"I’m just stressed Ari…a little homesick too, I miss mama, but that’s it." she cut him off.

"Promise me?" he asked, tilting his head and smiling softly.

"Yes, Ari." she replied drily.

"I don’t believe you." Ari said, his hand caressing her cheek. A bold move if you will but he had nothing to lose at this point.

Hannah started crying immediately and Simon let out a little whine when he heard her. Ari then pulled her in for a hug. He was beginning to wonder if it had been too much but then he felt her shoulders relaxing as her hands connect round his broad back. Simon felt her change in demeanour too and jumped up at them wanting to take part in the comforting gesture, his paws resting against Hannah’s thigh. Hannah chuckled as she stepped back slightly to pet him.

She stayed quiet for a minute, her eyes focussed on the dog and then she lifted her eyes to look Ari before speaking “Are you going to see Maya?”

It was a dumbass question, as she knew perfectly well he was, but he instantly understood what she was really asking. Are you seeing Sarah?

"Is that what’s bothering you?" Ari asked, looking at her with concerned eyes.

"No it’s just I.. " she started protesting but he cut her off.

"Han, if I want to see Maya then I need to speak to Sarah."

Hannah fell silent again, she knew she had just shown her cards so there was no point denying anything anymore. She looked down and started fiddling with the hem of her top for a few seconds before her shoulders started to shake and tears began to run down her cheeks again.

"Hannah, what’s going on?" Now Ari was genuinely confused. They had not been alone since that night, not talked about the kiss so he wasn’t sure why it was bothering her so much. He had assumed from her silence over the past month that she thought their little moment was all a mistake and that was it for them, but the fact that she was bothered by the thought of him seeing his estranged wife meant something else, didn't it? "I don’t want you to go."  her voice now a whisper. "I mean, I know you have to but.." she swallowed before continuing "I don’t want to be here without you." She had said it, right? She had admitted it. I don't want to be here without you. Ari was suddenly floored, utterly floored. This meant she felt something more. 

"Firefly, look at me." he demanded. But she didn't move. "Look at me, please." he spoke more softly this time.

Hannah then raised her eyes, locking them to his, her bottom lip quivering slightly. "I’m coming back." Ari assured her.

"I know. It’s just…I’m gonna miss you." she said lowering her eyes again

"You’ve got Simon to keep you busy." he said, nodding down to the dog who was sat watching them both. "And Sammy to placate when he growls at him or eats his shoe. Jake to take you diving, Max to…well…just be Max and Rachel…" he paused to lift her chin to make her look at him  "You got your safe place for when it all gets too much, the sea, the stars at night…what else could you ask for?"

"Well, when you put it like that I’m not sure." she chuckled.

There it is, that damned smile. Ari thought as he chuckled too. "Guess I made my point."

There was a slight pause as he reached for her hands, his fingers caressing hers “I’ll miss you too Han, more than you know.” he said before pressing his forehead to hers.

"But you’re gonna.."

"I’m going to see my daughter, that’s all I care about in Tel Aviv." he paused before asking her again the million dollar question "Why are you so bothered, Han? Tell me honestly."

Hannah swallowed, her fingers fiddling with his as their hands are laced together "I just…what if you see Sarah and decide you want her back."

"But why do you care?" Ari asked, he was frustrated at this point and he knew his voice showed it. They were going round in circles and he just wanted her to say it.

She pulled back to look at him, her eyes locked onto his, their faces inches away.

"Because I wouldn’t be able to…" she swallowed once more, stumbling over her words "It would break me again Ari. I’d be happy for you but…”

She had said it. She had admitted it out loud. She had feelings for him. Wasn't that what you wanted? Your move Levinson. Ari thought before taking a breath thinking his next words carefully.

"Listen to me carefully, Hannah." he said, sternly.

Hannah was deflated by the look on his face and those words. He had called her Hannah, no Han, no Firefly. She thought that was it, she had pissed him off. She had fucked it up and this time she was the only one to blame.

"There’s no chance I want her back, even if she wanted me, which she doesn’t. We’re over." 

"But for Maya." Hannah blurted out. 

"Not the slightest chance, Firefly." he said, taking her face in his hands.

Hannah then let out the breath she had been holding and sniffed.

"God, I’ve been going out of my head for almost a month, Han. Going over that afternoon in Port Sudan  and that kiss…" Ari confided, tracing her lips with his thumb at the mention of the kiss.

And she gasped. It was electric. An electric blue bolt of lightning sending shivers down her spine.

"Me too…" she whispered, trying to recover from the jolt that had just travelled through her body “Why are we so shit at communicating?"

"I did try and find you at your spot a few times but someone always got in the way" Ari admitted.

"Story of our lives huh?" she said with a soft smile.

"Yup." Ari chuckled "Maybe it's time we changed that…" he said as he cupped her face in his hands. "Wait for me to get back…"

"Not like I can go anywhere, mi lobo." she said smiling at him.

And Ari knew why. MI...not EL, MI. My. It had been 9 years since she uttered those words to him. His heart was literally bursting and at that point he thought fuck Sammy, fuck Andy, fuck Max. He didn't care anymore.  With his hands still on her cheeks he tilted her face to meet his and kissed her. And it was everything he needed and more. It was only them now, as far as he was concerned the world could go to hell. It was soft, gentle, but oh so loaded at the same time and when he pulled away eventually, he kept his head pressing to hers.

"You said Mi…" he whispered.

Hannah bit her lower lip, a wide smile forming on her face and was about to reply when there was a loud noise outside and Simon started barking.

"I best go, it's an early flight." Ari said, fighting the urge to press her body against his and never let go. But he was leaving the following day and it wouldn't be fair for any of them.

"Ok…" Hannah nodded.

Ari turned slowly to go, his hand still on hers for as long as his reach would allow but had to let go when he reached the door.

"Come back to me this time." Hannah said before he opened the door.

Ari paused and turned to look at her "Promise…my firefly." When he left her hut, a smile that could lit up an entire city on his face, the feeling in his chest was warm. That crappy pang he had associated with being around her over the past few months gone, hopefully for good.

********

Ari left before breakfast the next morning, his flight was early. Nevertheless all the agents were up to bid him a good trip. He shook hands with the boys, hugged Rachel and finally reached Hannah. Giving her a smile he swept her into his arms and she closed her eyes momentarily, holding him close before she stepped back and smiled, both of them trying to play it cool. Tearing his eyes away from her he crouched down to give Simon a scratch, the dog leaping up at him to lick his face.

“Gonna miss you too.” he said quietly, and Hannah knew full well he wasn’t just talking to the dog.

The day was fairly busy, which kept Hannah occupied for the most of it, right through until the evening at which point she bid them good night and headed off to take Simon for his usual pre-bed walk.

“Mind if I join you?” Rachel asked “I haven’t stretched my legs properly all day.”

“Sure.” Hannah looked at her, and the two women headed out onto the sand.

“So, You and Ari…” Rachel said as soon as they were out of ear shot. Hannah spun to face her, frowning.

“Me and Ari what?” “Don’t play dumb with me, Cracker.” Rachel looked at her “I saw the way he was hugging you before, and the way he looked at you as Sammy drove them away.”

Hannah sighed, and knew there was no point playing dumb. “You know, it’s pathetic really. I mean I hadn’t seen anything or heard anything from him since Andy’s funeral and then within 6 weeks of us being here I’m catapulted right back to where I was 9 years ago.” “Must have been some fling…” Rachel looked at her, and Hannah snorted.

“You know full well it was more than that.”

“You loved him.” Rachel shrugged

“Ironic thing is I never told him.” Hannah sighed “Not whilst we were together anyway. I came close once.”

“Why didn’t you?”

“Well, it felt too soon, you know, we’d only really been dating a few weeks.” Hannah shrugged “But if I’m honest, I fell for him way before we got together.” She stopped walking and looked around, before she gestured with her head and Rachel followed her lead, sitting on the sand besides her. “I remember the nigh though. Instead of using the actual 3 words I told him that I’d fallen for him years ago. We’d been on a date, just a small restaurant not far from his and we were walking home…”

“You know, everyone at work keeps asking me who my mystery girlfriend is.” Ari’s glanced down at Hannah as they walked down the pavement, his hand around hers.

“I thought you liked the secrecy?”

“Yeah, well, as much as it’s been fun I’d like to be able to introduce you as my girl one day.” he looked at her.

“I’d like that too.” Hannah smiled.

“Though you friend, Abi is it? Yeah she might not like it that much…” Ari said and Hannah let out a snort.

“Yeah, she would go mad. She keeps on asking me about you.”

“Really? What’s she say?”

Hannah laughed, “Fuck off Lobo,” she said, shoving him playfully in his chest.

“Easy firefly…” he caught her hand softly, raising it to his mouth and pressing a kiss to her wrist “She never stood a chance”

“Neither did I” Hannah look at him as his fingers laced through hers.

“What do you mean?” Ari frowned.

“The minute I met you I was a goner, Ari”

“But you’ve been dating other guys, I’ve met some of them.” he looked at her.

“Yeah, but they weren’t you. I knew you were out of my league but still, always hoped one day you’d see me.”

Ari took a deep breath and shook his head “I saw you, Hannah. How could I not? You were this smart, sassy kid, old before her time. I constantly had to remind myself how young you were and then I watched you grow up…” He smiled “And then, a few months after your 18th, at your graduation I came over and for the first time, well I saw you then as this gorgeous young woman, not just that sassy little kid and…” he shrugged, trailing off.

Hannah shook her head, her eyes fixing on Simon who was barking at his reflection on the calm ocean.

“It was funny that he brought up my graduation, as that was when I fell for him big time. I’d always had a crush on him, you know…” “Every little sister does on their older brother’s friends.” Rachel said wisely, and Hannah nodded.

“But then he gave me a pair of earrings. Just silver ones, in the shape of a crescent moon as a congratulations. But, they were so special because it was a little joke between us, you know, the fact I used to say he probably turned into a werewolf every full moon because he used to eat mama out of house and home…” “El Lobo Hambriento…” Rachel repeated and Hannah nodded.

“But that…that was the moment. He’d gone to enough effort to get me something that was personal and meant something to us both and I knew then I was falling for a guy I had no chance with. I tried so hard to ignore it. I dated other guys but it was pointless. And then on my 21st.” she shrugged “We had a whirlwind of a 3 months before he ended it and left. I heard nothing more until Sammy told me he had a girlfriend. So that was that, and it turns out it was all down to my late husband.”

“That must have been really hard.” Rachel said after a pause

“Well, I knuckled down, finished medical school and pretended I was ok.” Hannah shrugged “Even went to his wedding because I figured having him in my life one way was better than not at all. I didn’t see much of him then until I joined Mossad 2 years later.”

“Did he go to your wedding?” Rachel asked.

“No.” Hannah shook her head “I dunno why. Maybe he was on a mission, maybe he was too busy living his life with his then wife and kid…I never asked.” she took a deep breath and smiled as Simon bounded back across the sand towards her, flopping down onto his back for a belly rub which she happily provided “And then Andy died and just when I was beginning to come to terms with it all Ari shows up at the clinic and I find myself here in the desert and once more he’s turning my life upside down.”

“Maybe you need to set it the right way up again.” Rachel looked at her. “What’s stopping you, honestly?”

Hannah shrugged “Look, the other night, you’re right…we had a moment. Just a kiss, nothing more, and then last night we talked about it, kissed again and I dunno, maybe when he comes back…” She trailed off.

“Do you both want it?” Rachel looked at her. “To try again I mean?”

“I know I do and he says he does so…” she shrugged “I just…is going back over old ground the right thing to do Rachel? I mean we’re here…then there’s Sammy and his fucking reaction and…” she shook her head as she glanced out over the ocean. “Why does everything have to be so complicated?”

“It’s only as complicated as you make it.” Rachel said, laying her hand on Hannah’s arm “Look, screw Sammy and screw everyone else. If they weren’t in the picture…” “Then I wouldn’t hesitate.” Hannah looked at her friend. “You know, I loved Andy, and in a way despite me being so angry at him, I always will do but what I felt when I was with Ari, well, it was like this raging fire, it consumed every single part of me whereas Andy felt safe...not that I was any less happy with Andy, I wasn’t but…”

“Was Ari your first?” Rachel looked at her, and Hannah nodded. “That’s why it felt like that.” Rachel continued wisely. “You were discovering things, it will have been exciting, passionate…” “I know, and I understand that we’re both different people now and I don’t know whether, even without everyone interfering we would have made it back then, probably not to be honest but I’m wondering if this was life’s little plan all along. A way of giving us a second chance when we both have a more mature understanding of what we had…does that make sense?”

Rachel smiled and placed an arm around Hannah’s shoulder “Perfectly.”

“You cannot tell Sammy.” Hannah looked at her “Not until Ari comes back and we’ve decided on what is gonna happen…if anything.”

“Cross my heart.” Rachel smiled.

Hannah, satisfied she could trust the woman turned her attention to the ocean. She knew Ari would be home now, and she couldn’t help wondering if she was on his mind, as much as he was on hers…

******** Ari was exhausted. Upon landing back in Tel Aviv he had been greeted by Ethan, and he’d been back into HQ for an hour or so before heading to his apartment. Thankfully, Mossad had agreed to keep funding the rental fees whilst he was away which at least meant he didn’t have to stay in a hotel on his trips back home. He’d debated calling Sarah to tell her he was back, but it was getting late and not wanting to wake Maya he had instead decided to call in the morning.

He showered, revelling in the comfort of having decent water pressure before he collapsed into bed. But try as he might, as tired as he was he just couldn’t turn off. His mind was wandering, in particular over everything that had happened with Hannah just before he had left. She’d basically admitted to him what he knew anyway, that her feelings for him were still there, and moreover that there was a chance that they could make something out of the whole sorry mess. He should be happy, and he was, but part of him was still tentative. There was a lot at stake, if it went wrong they were stuck, thousands of miles away from home…and he didn’t even want to think about Sammy’s reaction, or Andy for that matter. What he did know, however, was that whatever they both decided it was going to be their decision. He wasn’t letting anyone make it for them, not like last time.

The rain was lashing against the windows, and he was suddenly taken back to a rainy evening one March almost 9 years ago when he and Hannah had been out for something to eat. They were walking back to his and she was telling him how she’d fallen for him big time over a pair of earrings he had bought her. He had just been about to tease her about being materialistic when the heavens had opened…

“SHIT!” Hannah shrieked, ducking as if that would prevent the rain from hitting her. She pulled her jacket a little tighter around her but the rain fall was ridiculously heavy.

“Come on!” He said, tugging on her hand and the two of them began to run towards the doorway of a shop. Ari pulled her under the awning, glancing down at her. Her hair was dripping, sticking to her face and she looked at him and started to giggle. Her jacket wasn’t done up all the way, and he could just see the rivulets of water trickling between the swell of her breasts, through her cleavage and dampening the fabric of her little flowery dress.

“My face is up here.” She quipped and immediately his eyes flew to hers and he gave her a sheepish grin, before he arched an eyebrow.

“Seems I inadvertently got you a little wet.”

She snorted, shaking her head at the joke and then looked up at him, her eyes flashing as she bit her lip.

“Better take me home and do something about it then,”

Ari groaned at the memory of her, stood there in front of him. They’d only been dating a few weeks at that point and he’d taken it slow, deliberately not wanting to rush her but as she stood there in front of him, giving him the blatant come on, her eyes fixed on his, not a shred of doubt in them, he’d pretty much dragged her back to his. He shifted slightly on the soft mattress, his hand sliding into his boxers. Just that image of her in front of him had him hard as fuck, and he needed to do something about it. With slow, deliberate strokes he began to palm himself to the memory which was now fresh in his mind…

As Ari was fetching them both a towel each from the bathroom, he heard Hannah on the phone speaking in Spanish to her mama. When he walked into the living room she was just finishing up and he handed her the towel which she used to start drying out her hair as she kicked off her shoes.

“Mama ok?” he asked.

“Yeah she’s fine. Didn’t ask where I was,” she paused, squeezing her long locks with the towel, “which suits me as I didn’t have to lie.” Ari sighed. “I meant what I said before. I don’t want it to be like this forever.” “Me neither.” she agreed. “But, I just don’t want anyone interfering. Not yet anyway.”

He smiled and used the towel he had grabbed himself, to rub at his hair and face, emerging from it and Hannah giggled, reaching up to smooth down his hair.

“This is getting long.” Her nails raked on his scalp as she straightened it down.

“I might grow it.” He mused.

“As long as it’s not into a mullet.” At that he laughed, his hands falling to her hips. “Not a chance Firefly.” She looked at him as she continued to attempt to dry her hair before he couldn’t take it anymore. Gently he took the towel off her and tossed it, along with his own, over to the sofa, before his hands cupped her face and he kissed her slowly. Her hands fell to his waist, tangling in the bottom of his grey shirt and he let out a little sigh at the feel of her fingers brushing his skin. She pulled back slightly and he pressed his forehead to hers, both of them breathing deeply and she looked at him, giving him the same eyes she had in the shop doorway.

“Lobo…” she swallowed.

“What do you want Firefly?”

“You…” She blinked up at him. “All of you.” At that his cocky demeanour wavered slightly. She’d told him only a few days ago when they’d been getting a little heavy on his couch that she was a virgin. She’d done other things, but not that, and now the thought of him being her first…well it was a head fuck. But a good head fuck.

“You sure?” He asked, searching her face for any shred of doubt. But he found none. Instead she nodded and bit her lip. Permission granted he’d reached down, gripped the soft flesh at the top of the back of her thighs and hauled her up, her legs locking around his waist. His lips smashed onto hers, their teeth clanging together in the urgency of the kiss as he carried her over the hall to his bedroom, where he softly set her down on her feet, flicking the lamp on besides him.

She’d stood, looking up at him, all doe eyes and damp hair and he’d had to fight back every single urge he had to push her back on the bed and fuck the life out of her. He wanted her first time to be soft, gentle, special. So instead, with a restraint he wasn’t sure he even possessed up until that moment, he reached out and pulled her to him again, kissing her softly and her fingers drifted to the buttons on his shirt. She broke the kiss so she could look down, her hands fumbling slightly but Ari let her carry on. Eventually she had it open and she pushed it back off his shoulders and down his arms where he then shrugged it off and let it fall to the floor. She looked at him, biting that damned bottom lip again and Ari couldn’t help but feel slightly smug at the hungry way her eyes were roving his torso. He ran, worked out with weights and he knew he wasn’t in bad shape. He couldn’t afford to be with his job after all, but he was enjoying the appreciative way she was taking in his broad shoulders and chest, following the strip of hair down to his waistband. She looked up at him once more, reaching out with her hands and she smoothed her fingers over his chest to his shoulders as he leaned down and caught her mouth again. This time his hands moved to the back of her dress, finding the buttons and he flicked them open one by one. Hannah stilled at little and he stopped, glancing down.

“You ok?”

“Yeah.” She nodded.

“You sure?”

“Yeah, just, no one’s ever seen me…”

“Let me.” He whispered softly, almost pleading.

Her cheeks flushed red and she moved her arms to allow the dress to fall down, shimmying out of it as it dropped over her hips and Ari let out a soft groan as he took her in from toe to head. Lithe legs gave way to a softer curve over her thighs and hips, up to her trim stomach, her waist cinched in before it met the swell of her perfectly proportioned breasts which he’d always had a real thing for. She was dressed in a simple matching cotton pair of baby blue panties and bra, and the pure innocence of it was driving him wild.

“See,” he said, his eyes locking onto hers, “beautiful, my firefly…”

He leaned down and dropped a kiss to the crook of her neck and shoulder and she gave a little shiver.

“Like that?” he asked softly, she nodded so he did it again, his arm curling around her waist, holding her still, letting her get lost in the sensations as he lavished affection on her, working across her collar bone to the other side, before he trailed hot kisses up her jaw line, pressing his lips to hers again. She kissed him back, the kiss hungry as her hands tangled in his hair. Taking the lead, he backed her up slightly, until her knees folded against the edge of the bed and she sat down. Her eyes were level with the top of his jeans now, and there was no hiding the evident bulge at his crotch. She glanced up at him, giving him a little smirk, almost of pride, before she popped the button on his jeans. She tugged them down, and he stepped out of them, leaving him in his tight boxers and he crawled over her as she moved up the bed, settling into the space between her legs. His hands trailed up the outside of her thighs to her hips and up her ribcage before he gently palmed her breast over her bra. He felt her relax under him, which is what he wanted, and he gently pressed a kiss to her shoulder as he pulled down her bra strap, repeating the motion at the other side. He slid his hands underneath her and she arched her back allowing him to pop the clasp. Taking another look at her, she nodded and he pulled the garment away, and he glanced down, taking in her bare breasts with a soft moan.

“Fuck, Han,” he groaned softly, his mouth dropping to her cleavage, soft kisses trailing up her sternum as his thumbs softly skated over her nipples. She wriggled a little, letting out a tiny whimper at his actions which encouraged him and he moved his mouth over to take over from his left hand, gently flicking his tongue.

“Shit, Ari…” she gasped, her hips bucking upwards slightly and he ground down against her, this time her noise was louder as she mewled at the contact, her hands fisting around the duvet at either side of her. He moved his attention to the other breast, repeating his action, drawing more noises and reactions from her, before his lips moved downwards, trailing over her belly where he gently rubbed his nose above the waistband of her panties. Glancing up at her again, she was watching him, her eyes wide with excitement and he hooked his fingers into the cotton, sliding them down her legs. He knelt up, taking a second to look at her before he parted her knees with his hands. He felt her shift slightly and looked up, that bashful tinge was back on her cheeks.

“Hey…” he said, looking at her as he pressed a kiss to the inside of her knee. "You trust me?”

“With my life, Mi lobo…”

That fucking name did things to him, and once more he found himself fighting to keep control. But knowing he had to take it slow he did just that, trailing soft kisses up the inside of her thigh before he reached his goal and gently slid his tongue up her entrance, causing her hips to buck again.

“Easy firefly…” he mumbled gently, his arm looping over her waist to keep her still as he gently lapped at her, teasing her sensitive bundle of nerves before his tongue poked deeper into her, fucking her with his mouth. She writhed as much as she could, her breathing deep, almost at a pant and he glanced up to see her head was thrown back against his pillow, mouth forming a perfect O shape, and her hands were flat against the bed. With his spare one he reached up, taking her right hand and he placed it on his head, where she gently gripped at his hair. As he continued to eat her out, god she tasted amazing, her fingers tightened, and at one point she pulled on his hair to the point of it being painful. He let out a groan and she stopped and he glanced up.

“Sorry….” she began to apologise but he shook his head.

“Don’t, I like it.” She arched an eyebrow at him, but he didn’t give her much time to think about it as his mouth set to her once more. As he continued alternating his attention between her entrance and her clit, her breathing became nothing but a sharp, staccato pans and he felt her legs beginning to tremble.

“Oh, God, Ari…” she keened above him and he gave a little grin as he upped his speed slightly., “I’m…gonna…” and with that she gave a loud cry, her hips jumping upwards as her body trembled. Her legs became rigid for a second before she relaxed, completely boneless in the after throws of her orgasm. Knowing she’d be sensitive, he moved away slightly, wiping his mouth on his arm as he crawled up her body.

“Good?” he asked, already knowing the answer as she was utterly wrecked beneath him, but he wanted to hear it from her.

“Yeah…really good…” she panted, her eyes flickering open to lock onto his before he kissed her again. She was clearly feeling a little braver now as her fingers grasped at the waistband of his boxers and she pushed them down. He shuffled out of them before he practically fell over her, propping himself up on his elbows, and she looked at him for a second, her hand pushing into his hair.

“You got any….” “Top drawer.” he nodded, to the nightstand. She shuffled slightly and he sat back on his heels, his erection hard and slapping against his abs as she found the condom and handed it to him. He easily tore it from the packet, and once he’d carefully rolled it down over himself he moved forwards again, so he was settled and lined up. Taking another look at her face, once more making seeking assurance she was absolutely sure, she nodded and slowly he began to push into her. She tensed up a little, her hands gripping at his forearm and he took his time, gently moving his hips until he was fully sheathed inside her.

“You ok?” he panted, she felt tight and warm around him and fuck, it was euphoric.

“Yeah…” she assured him. “Just go slow.” “I got you sweetheart.” He gently pressed a kiss to her mouth, moving his hips back before he slowly pushed into her again, and again, taking his time, keeping his eyes focused on hers as he caged her between his arms. He gently pressed a kiss to her hair line as he ground into her again, causing her breath to catch in her throat, but it wasn’t in pain. No, he could tell she was enjoying this. Taking that as encouragement he repeated the action and her hands tightened around his biceps.

“You alright?” he asked, his voice ragged and she nodded eagerly.

“Feels good.” she panted, as he pushed up against her, his hips bumping hers as he continued his movements, picking up the pace ever so slightly, but all the time being careful to still take his time. Her hands hooked round his shoulders and he pressed a bit more of his weight onto her as he found a slow, steady rhythm. It wasn’t long before he began to feel the warming deep in the pit of his stomach and balls, and he really wanted to get her there again, but was now beginning to question how much longer he was going to last. His lips met hers, the kiss desperate, and she cried out into his mouth as he pushed deeper. He could feel her fluttering around him and he knew she was close.

“Come on Firefly…come on…come on…” he said, his breathing deep in between each word as he nudged at her chin with his nose, gently nipping along her jaw line before he softly sucked at the point under her ear and with another push upwards he felt her tense and she gave a desperate mewl once more, her nails digging into his shoulders, before she stilled completely, her mouth slackening, eyes fluttering shut as she tightened around him, her release crashing over her in wave after wave. A few thrusts later Ari found his own, the coil in his belly finally slapping and with a loud cry he came, hard, his hips stuttering before they slowed completely and he gently fell forward, his face burying into her neck. He stayed still for a moment, waiting for the world to tip the right way up again, and he moved his head to kiss her, both his hands holding her face before he pressed his forehead to hers. She smiled at him, her lips once more meeting his as her breathing started to even out.

“I didn’t hurt you?” he asked softly and she shook her head.

“No, no you didn’t.” she smiled “That was…that was perfect Ari…”

With a loud groan Ari finally brought himself off and felt the hot, white ribbons streak over his abs as he gently worked himself through his release. With a sigh his head fell back against the pillow and he gave himself a moment before he reached over for a tissue from the box by his bed.

“That was perfect Ari…”

Hannah’s voice echoed round his head and he swallowed as he cleaned himself up. Yes, it had been perfect, he’d loved the fact he’d been her first. Something no one else could ever claim. With a sigh he tossed the tissue to the side, his breathing deep as he settled himself down for the night, the earlier tension and unrest he had been feeling slightly abated. Jerking off to his own internal filthy thoughts was nowhere near as good as the real thing but for the time being, a memory would have to do.

**** Chapter 7

[ineffablefool]

Writing meme thing!  @zadusk​ tagged me and I am at the delightful crossroads of “think my responses might be fun and/or mildly interesting”, “have the energy to do a thing” and “have time to get to a real computer because I would perish if I had to do this on the phone”.

Rules: List the first lines of your last 20 stories (if you have less than 20, just list them all). See if there are any patterns. Choose your favorite opening line, then tag 10 of your favorite authors!

I feel like this probably isn’t meant to include WIPs, but I’m going to include them anyway because it pleases me to do so.  Also I’m not tagging anyone because I get anxiety about either making someone feel left out or making someone feel pressured but! if you want to do this then you may declare yourself tagged by me.  And ALSO also, it turns out I do not have the energy to do the full 20 after all, so I’m just doing ten.  It winds up being mostly WIPs, but that just makes it more spooky and mysterious.

In approximate order of the last time I poked at them, oldest first!  All are T rating max.

1. He’d maybe been half-dozing in the baking sun, lying on his back and feeling the heat work its way into every pore of him. (Known And Seen And Cherished)

2. Crowley pulled the Bentley up to the corner and waited. (Among The Living)

3. It was a pretty good nap. (Correct On The Third Point)

4. “And is... this your ca — oh.  Oh, dear.” (Luck Of The Draw)

5. Aziraphale’s hand is soft. (my piece for the Ace Omens Zine)

6. Crowley had been looking forward to a nice quiet couple of months, as the year wound down. (WIP, human AU, Crowley’s on a mission for a very specific book which leads him to a very specific bookstore)

7. “Oh, god, no,” Anathema said suddenly, eyes focused past Crowley's shoulder.  “There's more than one of you?” (WIP, human meet-cute in a restaurant, involves Anathema and Crowley kicking each other under the table because they are Mature Adults)

8. They always went the same, these things. (WIP and look I swear I’m not actually writing a Sleepy Princess In the Demon Castle AU, I'm just...... borrowing liberally from it)

9. This was foolish, Aziraphale decided. (WIP -- this one is a Secret >:3c hello to my FTH top bidder 💜)

10. The world was still here, and it was good. (WIP, gnab final chapter)

I like sentences that are two clauses separated by a comma, it would seem.  Or short Crowley-POV statements.

Thank you very much for tagging me!  I had fun, and also was reminded of just how very many WIPs I have. (And I technically forgot to pick my favorite, but then I went back through them and they all really seem equally serviceable as opening lines, so I guess that works out)

[tatooedlaura-blog]

Fancy Paper Napkins

because doesn’t everybody eat their fancy meals with fancy paper napkins ...

Our Moments: Chapter 1: Five Words (post-Leonard Betts) Chapter 2: Sidebar Nonsense (post-Memento Mori) Chapter 3: Interim (floating somewhere around Unrequited) Chapter 4: Max 2.0 (post-Tempus Fugit/Max) Chapter 5: Shadowed Grey Eyes Chapter 6: The Warmest Thing I Own Chapter 7: Fancy Paper Napkins @today-in-fic

&&&&&&&&&&

He actually slept, his mind calm, until he heard her whispering in his ear, “what are you cooking and when will it be ready?”

Opening his eyes, he saw hers staring at him, awake and bright, “what?”

“I’m hungry and I saw the crockpot plugged in.”

He broke into a grin, more from her proximity than anything else and forcing himself not to look at her mouth, not to think of that kiss, “mushrooms. Garlicy, buttery mushrooms that have been slow cooking in the crockpot,” looking over her head at the clock, “for four hours.” Sitting up quickly, “shit. I have to go stir them.”

Rolling off the bed, he disappeared down the hall, Scully close behind, “they won’t burn.”

“I’ll feel better when I see for myself.” Finally in the kitchen, he opened the crockpot, stirred with the big spoon, and glad to see the mushrooms soft and unburned, offered Scully a taste. Refusing with an, ‘I’d like to wait for dinner,’ he nodded towards the fridge, “go grab the steak, would you?”

They ate like civilized people, at the kitchen table, forks, knives, fancy paper napkins …

… “I refuse to use cloth ones because they’re too damn hard to clean.”

… “Did I say anything?”

… “No.”

… “Then why are you arguing at me?”

and a bottle of not-so-cheap wine Mulder found in his travels through Scully’s cupboards.

“I shouldn’t drink this.”

“Will it lower your inhibitions? Will you sweep off the coffee table and dance on it if I wave a bunch of ones at you? Will you tell me all your secrets?”

She couldn’t keep her hand from shaking as she poured them both glasses, “mostly I’m thinking that it’ll make me fall asleep even early that I probably would have already.”

Ignoring the tremor, “as long as you stay awake enough for ice cream.”

“I will do my best.”

She made it through half the steak, a bowl of mushroom, and three spoons of mashed potatoes, before finally giving in, trading her plate for Mulder’s empty, who continued to eat without pause. Watching him, she had to smile, “thank you.”

“For finishing your food? No problem.”

Not able to articulate at that particular moment that she was actually thanking him for a thousand things at once, she simply agreed, wondering if he’d figure it out on his own, “yeah, I wouldn’t want it to go to waste.”

Giving her a grin, he finished her food, then stood, “give me ten minutes to do dishes and put everything away, then we’ll argue about movies.”

“Let me load the dishwasher, at least. You won’t do it right and I’ll just have to redo it when you’re not looking.” Standing as well, she bumped hips with him as she walked past, “save me the trouble.”

Twisting up his leg, he hit her on the butt with his stocking foot, “smartass.”

They finally settled on several movies but still sitting on the couch, facing a blank TV and a window with a sunset just beginning to tint the room pink, Mulder gently poked her in the side, “how’re you doing?”

Feeling the urge to move, to take advantage of feeling okay for the moment, “I think I’d like to go for a walk.”

Up immediately, he leaned in, kissing the tip of her nose, “any destination in mind?”

“Just … around.”

“Around it is.”

&&&&&&&&&

Warm enough to wander without jackets, they headed out her front door and turned left, bare arm brushing bare arm as they walked. They didn’t say much, commenting on scurrying squirrels here, a cute cat in the window there, Mulder catching a waywardly stumbling child tripping past, “geez, if I had known we were going to be experiencing a Norman Rockwell painting, I would have combed my hair and put on a clean shirt.”

Her laughter hit his ears like his favorite song and reaching over, he took her hand, never asking, never letting go as they circled and turned, ambled and veered. She didn’t argue, her thin, cool fingers enjoying his warmth.

But even on her best days lately, she gave in quicker than she’d have liked, 45 being the magic number of minutes she lasted until, “I think I’m ready for some ice cream.”

Giving her hand a squeeze, “ice cream it is. What kind should we start with?”

Discussion ensued and by the time they were in their pajamas, they’d settled on dark fudge and peanut butter swirl to begin with. Two spoons dove in, two spoons sampled, occasionally Scully would pull her loaded spoon out and looking at Mulder, found his mouth wide open, waiting expectantly.

And by God, she fed him.

The first time felt a little weird but by the third time he did it, she was laughing, “can you not feed yourself fast enough?”

“Nope.”

That was good enough for her.

Once the gorging finished, they’d had at least one spoonful out of each carton Mulder had bought, six in all, the flavors running the gambit and Scully full and happy and sleepy. “Are you going to be able to sleep with all that sugar in your system?”

Mulder grinned, chocolate rimming his lips, “if not, I’ll have a TV to keep me company while you drool all over your pillow.” A relieved sigh, one she didn’t know she was holding, escaped, and Mulder cocked his head, suddenly worried, “y’a’right?”?”

And deciding there was no reason not to tell him, “I think I was nervous you were going to go home tonight and,” another sigh, this one embarrassed, “it’s been a really nice day and if you went home, it would be over and,” slight wobbly smile appearing, “I don’t want it to be over just yet.”

Knowing something funny was in order, he raised an eyebrow in her direction, “is that some veiled attempt at asking me to move in here?”

Her smile steadied, “just go start the movie.”

&&&&&&&&&

Midnight rolled around and even though Scully had given in and gone to bed, Mulder was still awake and indeed watching TV, some cooking show he’d never admit to enjoying but enjoyed nonetheless. The sound was off and suddenly, the quiet of the darkened apartment was broken by Scully calling from the bedroom, “Mulder?”

It didn’t sound like a nightmare which, in his mind, could only mean she needed help. Jogging down the hall, he was in her doorway a second later, “yeah? You okay?”

Still laying down, she met his nervous gaze, her own a unique brand of terrified confusion, “am I still here?”

Immediately walking to the other side of the bed, he crawled under the covers, his hand meeting her cheek after she rolled over to face him, “yeah. You’re right here, in your bed.” When her terror didn’t fade, he continued, quieter, moving to meet her forehead with his, “you’re with me, in your apartment,” hand moving to the back of her neck, “whatever you dreamt wasn’t real.”

“It will be.” Feeling the bed shake as she hitched a silent sob, she managed a cracked whisper, “I don’t want to die.” Her fingers ran over his cheek, his ear, “I don’t want to go anywhere without you.”

The tear escaped before he could blink it away but he kept the others in, reservoir full but holding, “we’re gonna beat this. I guarantee it.”

She couldn’t bring herself to believe him anymore and she couldn’t keep up the lie at this hour, “you don’t know that.”

“But I choose to believe it.” Hand in her hair by now, he pulled her close enough that their noses were smushed together and eyelashes tangled, “I need to believe it.”

Maybe she could pretend a little more after all, “do you believe enough for both of us?”

“I believe enough for this whole damn world. You should know that by now.”

She could only nod against him, bringing their mouths to millimeter distances but refraining, crippling fear not a good enough reason to cross the line between them, “can you stay right here with me, tonight?”

He crossed it for them, a quick brush of lips, a quick nuzzle of noses, “I won’t move until you do.”

“I don’t want you to leave me alone.”

Both knew the translation of that:

I don’t want to die alone.

&&&&&&&&

The next morning, Scully opened her eyes to find Mulder still sharing her pillow, not touching anymore but close enough to have him blurry in front of her instead of clear. For five seconds, she forgot her world and felt warm fuzzies chasing through her, up and down her spine, settling low.

Then, reality set in with a resounding thud.

Pulling back, she sat up, turning quickly so he wouldn’t see the tears racing down her face. Neither could ignore the echoing sob, however and Mulder, already half-awake, sat up, confusion clearing in a heartbeat as he slid across the mattress, arm around her front, hugging her back to his chest. Kissing her neck and that hated, fucking scar, “we’re gonna win. I swear to God, we’re gonna win.”

And they cried together.