ok I have A Lot of thoughts about the staircase confession (well really about Edwin's whole character arc, but all roads lead to rome) but for now I just wanna say that, yes, I was bracing myself for something to go terribly wrong when I first watched it, and yes, part of me was initially worried its placement might be an uncharacteristically foolish choice made in the name of Drama or Pacing or Making a Compelling Episode of Television but at the expense of narrative sense--
But I wanna say that having taken all that into account, and watched it play out, and sat with it - and honestly become rather transfixed by it - I really think it's a beautifully crafted moment and truly the only way that arc could've arrived at such a satisfying conclusion.
And if I had to pinpoint why I not only buy it but also have come to really treasure it, I'd have to put it down to the fact that it genuinely is a confession, and nothing else.
That moment is an announcement of what Edwin has come to understand about himself, but because it takes the form of a character admitting romantic feelings for such a close friend, I think it can be very easy, when writing that kind of thing, to imbue it with other elements like a plea or a request or even the start of a new relationship that, intentionally or not, would change the shape of the moment and can quickly overshadow what a huge deal the telling is all on its own. But that's not the case here. Since it is only a confession, unaccompanied by anything else, and since we see afterward how it was enough, evidently, to fix the strangeness that had grown between him & Charles, we're forced to understand that it was never Edwin's feelings that were actually making things difficult for him - it was not being able to tell Charles about them. 'Terrified' as he's been of this, Edwin learns that his feelings don't need to either disappear completely or be totally reciprocated in order for him to be able to return to the peace, stability, and security of the relationship with which he defines his existence - and the scale of that relief a) tells us a hell of a lot about Edwin as a character and b) totally justifies the way his declaration just bursts out of him at what would otherwise be such a poorly chosen moment, in my opinion.
Whether or not they are or ever could be reciprocated, Edwin's feelings are definitively proven not to be the problem here - only his potential choice to bottle it up - his repression - is. And where that repression had once been mainly involuntary, a product of what he'd been through, now that he's got this new awareness of himself, if he still fails to admit what he's found either to himself or to the one person he's so unambiguously close with, then that repression will be by his own choice and actions.
And he won't do that. Among other things, he's coming into this scene having just (unknowingly) absolved the soul of his own school bully and accidental killer by pointing out a fact that is every bit as central to his self-discovery as anything about his sexuality or his attraction to Charles is: the idea that "If you punish yourself, everywhere becomes Hell"
So narratively speaking, of course it makes sense that Edwin literally cannot get out of Hell until he stops punishing himself - and right now, the thing that's torturing him is something he has control over. It's not who he is or what he feels, but what he chooses to do with those feelings that's hurting him, and he's even already made the conscious choice to tell Charles about them, he was just interrupted. But now that they're back together and he's literally in the middle of an attempt to escape Hell, there is absolutely no way he can so much as stop for breath without telling Charles the truth. Even the stopping for breath is so loaded - because they're ghosts, they don't need to breathe, but also they're in Hell, so the one thing they can feel is pain, however nonsensical. And Edwin certainly is in pain. But whether he knows what he's about to do or not when he says he 'just needs a tick,' a breather is absolutely not what's gonna give him enough relief to keep climbing - it's fixing that other hurt, though, that will.
Like everything else in that scene, there's a lot of layers to him promising Charles "You don't have to feel the same way, I just needed you to know" - but I don't think that means it isn't also true on a surface level. It's the act of telling Charles that matters so much more than whatever follows it, and while that might have gone unnoticed if anything else major had happened in the same conversation, now we're forced to acknowledge its staggering and singular importance for what it is. The moment is well-earned and properly built up to, but until we see it happen in all its wonderful simplicity, and we see the aftermath (or lack thereof, even), we couldn't properly anticipate how much of a weight off Edwin's shoulders merely getting to share the truth with Charles was going to be, why he couldn't wait for a better, safer opportunity before giving in to that desire, or how badly he needed to say it and nothing else - and I really, really love the weight that act of just being honest, seen, and known is given in their story/relationship.
149 notes
·
View notes
Ch 160 ..let me jot down my stream of consciousness about what I feel, my reading comprehension skills can't be that bad, it'd help if I can sit down and think through a little more.
+ Okay, I'm complete! I understand things much better now!! Upon close examination, This chapter doesn't change anything so dramatically.
IT STILL DOES NOT ANSWER JUST WHAT THE DAD'S MOTIVES ARE, but... the conclusion I have after having reread it thoroughly??
It's that my interpretation of him as a mild guy still stands—it enhances it, even. He's still really kind, which is a pretty surprising conclusion compared to what I felt about it at first glance.
He's.. really kind and considerate. I'm serious. wow.
well, analysis/interpretation below!
I was spoiled about chapter way back sometime last Friday, right? and it was pretty accurate in sense, with it being just some bunch of sentences and that one really creepy panel.. it does help to see the actual art and the expressions that are associated with the dialogues.
Now that I sit down a bit, there are two different interpretations of the same story: Kamiki's testimonies on what's happened (I believe these are all truths. They perfectly match up with how I've interpreted his character all along.) and Aqua's takes on them.
I'm not reading things off the english version btw, so the dialogues may differ.
According to what Kamiki says,
-he considered Ryosuke and Nino as good people and as friends. But they approached him because they were obsessed with Ai, so he didn't know about their true colors.
-so he was able to talk about his breakup with her and talked about whether if he should visit her having children at the hospital where Gorou was. They went and killed Gorou, but Kamiki had no idea about that.
-on the day Ai died, he was still unsure about meeting her because he lacked the courage to see her face (god he's timid) so he asked Ryosuke to give her his bouquet on his behalf
I KEPT SAYING THIS GUY NEVER HAS IT IN HIM TO "SCARE AI!!!!!!!!!" HE LIED IN 154 OUT OF GUILT BECAUSE HE THOUGHT AI AND AQUA WANTED REVENGE ON HIM!!! SEE!!! I'VE BEEN!!! RIGHT!!!! I'VE BEEN!!!!!!!!!!
This was already in the leaks last Fri, I basically felt the same way about these back then
and I got every part of these right except for the part that Kamiki befriended them. I just couldn't picture the people who killed Ai or would actively go hunt their daughter down being his friend..
but seeing how.. much he seems to trust people, he used to be that way as a child, it actually all ties so nicely together.
I predicted that it was Nino and Ryosuke who went to the hospital and killed Gorou.
I predicted that Kamiki just wanted to send the bouquet to congratulate Ai but he couldn't go because he was nervous/sad from the phone call. I said that ever since I started drawing hikaai fanarts, you would have seen me going on and on about that, I drew them with this as the base!!!! The guy Ai chose wouldn't do such a thing as trying to get back at her!!! See??
I couldn't be more right!!! I am a prophet!! I should trust myself!!!! why am I so unsure of myself, really. I really, really did get everything right.
These must be all true. He's not lying about any of this. I've been analyzing this guy very very thoroughly so I know what I'm talking about.
I guess what's confused me was the latter bits, since Fri and even after I see the full images.
Kamiki smiles and says he never wanted to hurt anyone<this is really how I view him as well, this guy can't hurt people out of his own will...
However, Aqua dismisses Kamiki's statements as lies on the spot, and accuses him of having been unable to protect his own daughter. That he's been intentionally manipulated people to get what he wants. That would involve him causing people to kill each other without dirtying his hands.
Upon hearing Aqua stating "You wanted to kill your own daughter", Kamiki makes this really eerie smile (I kind of wish this is redrawn hshsh.. it looks like he's a demon spawn from hell, but this could REALLY be him being distressed yet AGAIN. this guy SMILES when he's that way. That's his coping mechanism. It's kind of hard to stare at that expression but that smile certainly ISN'T a happy one like the one we saw in 159. This is a really confusing habit he has. People are going to take him the wrong way but; sadly, it's become a habit of his...)
The scenes then shifts to visions of him manipulating nino and Ryosuke into doing what they've done with a smile. If this is really what's happened, then he IS someone pretty evil-
but now that I read it over I think that's just based on Aqua's interpretations about the guy.
Is what's being portrayed in those pages ACTUALLY how he is? Just yesterday, I theorized that Kamiki loves his children and has been doing whatever he's been doing for his children. I did have my reasons for making that claim.
We still don't know what his motives are!! Aqua doesn't state anything about why Kamiki would do such a thing if he's done so. Does he know anything about this??? Just what reason would make it.. enough to have someone kill the love of their life and their very daughter? What good would it do for Kamiki? For one thing, does he have ANY good reason to kill Ai at all? For having felt betrayed?? Then why wait out that long????? Killing their daughter? After having her live for, how long now? how old are they now? 15?? 16? Why now? Why would he??
The important thing would be just WHY he'd be doing all those things if he's really been so, so WHAT IS IT AQUA?? WHAT??
Forgot to mention this but in the beginning of the chapter, we have kamiki saying, Hm, but what did I do? Did I "stab someone?" did I "push someone off a cliff?" I never "did" "anything".
Then we have Nino going "Kamiki-san didn't do anything. He just talked about Ai. He talked about her so we(her and Ryosuke) wouldn't forget about her. That was enough to make us break."
OH come on. COME ON. HUH. I feel like he's never told them anything bad about Ai, he probably let out how much he loved and misses her, because he thought they were her fan and coworkers as a fellow member, I bet he was happy to befriend people who knew about Ai because they share a common interest together. With it being his favorite person in the world even while he was dumped.
What a stupid reason, Nino. You brought everything upon yourself. I can see that now.
I do think.. kamiki has some sort of power that causes people to grow insane or act out, that could have had some influence on ryosuke and nino in a way...
but again, why would he try to kill his lover and his daughter even if he can use it with his own accord??? Even if he's using those powers now?? Would he use it to do those respective things?
Even if he has those, that shouldn't be all there is to it. According to Kamiki, they were already obsessed with Ai when they approached him and YEAH! Makes sense?? They came to him first, probably already aware that he was Ai's lover?? He isn't responsible for them hoarding those kinds of feelings!!
Coming to think of it, I find it really strange that he still hung with nino being the complete wreck she is. Oh wait, I guess he still could. Ryosuke killed Ai and Nino doesn't seem to have played a part with that. Nino was there with Ryosuke when Gorou died but she's not the one who's pushed him off a cliff. Ryosuke's the really...horrible one. He had a pretty gf like nino JUST WHY. Then again, nino was obsessed w Ai too so they were a match. I guess Kamiki hanged with Nino thinking she's just another victim who wants Ai back or whatever. He still hangs with her when she says that are super creepy like she can't forgive Ruby if she surpasses Ai though.. Perhaps he's really bad at letting people go.. OH, YEAH. He was always pretty attached to people as a child. Okay, I got that part cleared up on my own. Stream of consciousness is like this. It can happen.
Continuing on!! Aqua says Kamiki is a "despicable, selfish liar, worse than a murderer". Even Kamiki can't smile hearing that. If he ISN'T one, then that'd hurt.
Well, he responds again, saying:
"Ah, yes. You're the same way as I am. You share those same eyes I have. The type of eyes that grant the power to persuade others into believing you. The eyes that grant you charisma, befitting that of a star." Then we see a panel with Ai, "The eyes of liars, that fool, and make others submit to you"
he must be thinking of what Ai's told him when she talked to him about having the same eyes. (CH 140)
"You've been inciting people just like I have, right? Just how many people did you fool to fulfill your goal?"
"It must have felt good to use your talents to impact the lives of others, right?"
I'm not sure if this is a taunt/mockery or just him stating the facts as a liar/a black star user himself.
If he's thinking about Ai... then it can be the latter. She approached him saying "they are the same". He could be thinking about that.
Actually, he's strangely calm. His emotions are a bit hard to read on this one, I'd say it actually feels collected compared to what he's heard.
This could actually be sympathy or empathy...
I didn't take it that way when I first encountered it, so I felt.. Kamiki could be lashing out a bit but no. That doesn't seem to be it.
Hey, he really never gets angry. He actually looks a bit sad depending on how you look at it, I think he may be feeling a sense of guilt in that particular panel where he says "Just how many people did you fool to fulfill your goal?", the one where he glances down,
just like how he talked to Aqua in 152, "It's a lie, isn't it? it's because they're important that you keep your distance from them. why would you go that far to bottle yourself up?"
This guy understands his son really well. In fact, I think he may be trying to say, "we're the same=I understand the way you are, we're on the same track" the way Ai's done for him. That's what was his salvation.
Aqua does not take this well.
He says yeah, we're both terrible beings, but Ruby is "different".
Oh, and the rest.. what's stood out to me is the panel where Aqua goes,
"sending love to the one who desires for love" as he describes what Ruby is doing. Kamiki shows up in that panel.. This is what Ai wanted to do for him.
and there's a panel that comes up that shows Ai with the twins that follows right after saying:
"it's the eyes of the one who desires to love someone"
This is really sad. I think that page actually indicates Ai desired to love him while he desired to be loved from Ai. That happened both ways. It was a nice page.
Yeah, and Aqua points his knife to his dad like a toy gun saying
"You must disappear right here and now, for Ruby's sake."
I don't think Aqua's actually up to stabbing him, actually? If he's pointing the knife at him like that, I think it's more like he's warning him to stay out of their way forever, scram, or just go die off on his own.
Both of his eyes are white, he's not going to kill him with his own hands, rather, he's going to make him go away.
So I don't think next chapter would start on a fierce note? Kamiki does not seem like a guy that gets agitated so easily. He STILL never once got angry in this chapter as well. He's still pretty sweet to his son. I'm not being biased on this, the way he talks has always been really soft. If this were to be an anime, you'd hear how he'd talk and see whether if he has thorns in them but I don't think it's that way at least, I think he's trying to be understanding??
This guy is soft. He will not put up a fight. I don't know, he may jump off that bridge and try to die maybe. If that's what his son wants? Move out of the way? He doesn't seem.. angry about it all. He's not even protesting.
In the end, the only thing that got proven in this chapter was that Kamiki DID NOT DO ANYTHING IN A PHYSICAL SENSE, AND HE DIDN'T TRY TO SCARE AI.
the fact about him manipulating people and lying to get his way, I think there's low chance of it being applied for Ruby and Ai's case.
I think he really didn't have a clue Nino would attack Ruby? If he's considered her as a friend?
what are the basis of Aqua picturing him that way? He must really hate his dad. There is no way he could have seen such things happen. Unless Tsukuyomi told him about it?? there is no proof that it's what's actually been taken place. Kamiki could have incited people, or influenced others, yeah, but I don't think he did anything to Ai or his daughter. Again, I think he loves his family. Why wouldn't he??
Until things get cleared up more, I???? I ACTUALLY?? think Kamiki's taking it in a really calm manner despite all the things he's being accused of??
This is very long, but that is all for now!!
Oh, this was worth revisiting and analyzing. There's a lot more I see when I scrutinize it like this!!
43 notes
·
View notes