#they value strength and danny's got it

[deadsetobsessions]

Summonings

Ever since Danny Phantom became the Ghost King, he’s had to deal with an endless amount of crap. An eternity of it, actually, and it was constantly causing him unending amount of existential crises and stress.

First, there was the paperwork. Pariah Dark, the incompetent asshole, had left him decades worth of bureaucracy to painfully sift through. He ended up hiring some ghosts with paperwork obsessions to sort some of that out. Who knew ruling the infinite realms would require this much paperwork? He’s lucky each section of the underworld had their own systems to report to their own rulers who, in turn, report to him.

Secondly, there were the Observers. And other ghosts, like his own rogues, but they were the main issues. Eyeball menaces. They protested his appointment, something he actually agreed with. Putting a fifteen year old on the throne is rarely a smart decision. But the Infinite Realm values strength, the only type of currency that matters in the land of the gods and the dead. Danny? Phantom? He’s got strength in spades. With only a few months of being a ghost, Danny had managed to defeat Pariah Dark, who had cowered gods and struck fear into the hearts of ghost heroes.

But Danny hasn’t quite realized the significance of that yet, too focused on the realization that he was about to be in charge of the infinite realms. The Observants, since his reluctant and extremely limited coronation, has been up his ass about doing things the “proper way.”

Danny’s main problem lies with the ridiculous amount of paperwork though. It’s fine. Tedious. But fine.

But if he gets one more fifteen page essay style complaint form about some guy named Constantine, Danny might seriously reconsider donning Dan’s ruthlessness and offing the guy himself. Perhaps grab the man by his shoulders and shake him like a rag doll and ask who the fuck told him it was a good idea to sell his soul out like that? Danny eventually just sent out Skulker to hunt down the contracts and trade minor services for them. He owns most of the soul now, and perhaps he’ll hunt this guy down and force him to do paperwork.

Regardless, paperwork was just often tedious. He’s worked out a system for himself. The halfa, true to his teenage form, had better things to be doing. His homework, for one. Hanging out with his friends and logging in hours for Doomed 2 would be another. But no, he’s here, twirling a pen as he glared down at a stack of forms for a zone expansion. What the fuck does Zeus want to expand his zone for? The current share space of the sky domain is literally a perfect balance with respect towards the other gods. For the love of- Danny slams down a red ‘REJECTED’ stamp on top of the stack. His hair flickers wildly in annoyance, the iced over Crown floating above his head emitting concerning levels of frost. To anyone else but himself, of course.

He then feels a soft tug on his core.

Right. The third most annoying thing about becoming King: the fucking summoning. Danny taps his pen against his lips, clicking it against his fangs, as he considers the summoning circle that calls him. Huh. Desperation. Mildly bloody. Fear. Resignation- ah, fuck it, it’s not like he’s too enthusiastic about staying to do work with the Observers poking around. He takes the summoning, allowing his regalia to overtake his normal hazmat-clad form, and approves the summoning.

Oh hey, Danny thinks he recognizes that ugly ass trenchcoat.

—-

John Constantine has had more than enough practice summoning things that would give people nightmares. But there are things he normally refuses to touch, refuses to even entertain the idea of trying. As usual, desperation made John its bitch and the Justice League’s battered and bruised faces tugged on his shriveled heart.

He’s going to summon something from the Infinite Realms. Oh, but he wasn’t just summoning any old ghost. No, he thought, I’m just going to summon the one being that’s guaranteed to be able to crush our universe without breaking a sweat. Bollocks.

“Is it ready?”

“Untwist your pants, spooky,” John snaps, wishing he had a crate of whiskey he could down. “We’re trying to summon the Ghost King, not your average demon.”

“What do we know about him?” Batman’s gravelly voice demanded.

“Powerful enough to take us all out without even breaking a sweat. Defeated the bloody tyrant who ruled over the Realms last I heard.”

“That’s it?”

“You could ask Deadman, but I heard he’s on the outs with the Infinite Realms on the fact that he’s made of pure magic, not ectoplasm.”

“There’s no guarantee the king will work with us.” Zatanna says, pressing her fingertips together tiredly. She had been at the forefront of the battle and had paid the price for it. “But he’s supposedly more benevolent than his predecessor… and we’re out of options.”

“Hm.”

“Just make sure to shut up and let me do the talking.”

“Hn.”

John rolls his eyes and takes a fortifying breath, something that does not go unnoticed by the League. They all tense up, preparing themselves for a battle. Another one, seeing as they all got their ass kicked by a ghost only ten hours ago. The League is spread thin, running interference to distract the ghost in question and evacuating civilians.

John Constantine started chanting, the glow of his magic lighting up the circle as he spills his blood into the circle.

He waits, heart in his throat, for the summoning to work.

“Is it supposed to take-” Red Robin asks, only to cut himself off as the circle flares once more. Power pulsates outwards from the circle. Frost crackles on the frost resistant floors, spreading outwards as a green portal rips open the fabric of time and space. Long, spindly imitations of a hand grabs the edges of space and pulls, heaving the rest of his celestial body out of the tear in reality. John does not look away. He can not look away, not from the eerie green pallor of the King, not from his torrential white wisps of hair, not from the black-hole like material of his outfit, not from the nebulas and beginnings and endings tailored onto the King’s cape. John could not look away from the ice crown that floated like a bastion of power above the king’s head.

His mouth is dry. What price will he have to pay to save the world? What price will this being demand of him, of the Justice League, to save the world?

John desperately needs that drink.

—-

Oh! He’s in his home dimension! His core purrs at coming home, at the close proximity to his first haunt.

He was expecting cultists, or even the Winchesters again, but this is nice.

The Justice League- summoning him. Sam and Tucker are going to flip when they hear about this.

They’ve been staring at him in silence for a bit now. It was getting awkward.

“Why have you summoned me?” He asks, softening his tone. By their winces, he didn’t get it as well as he thought. Danny grimaces. At the first sign of discomfort though, the man in the trenchcoat- is that fucking Constantine?!- launches into a nerve filled tirade.

“Your, uh, Majesty.” He starts. “One of… One of your subjects is wreaking havoc on the world. We would be extremely grateful if… if you could reign him in?”

Danny’s face sours, only to quickly clear his expression as he realized how much even a small hint of displeasure causes the jumpiness in Constantine and the others.

“To do that, I will have to make a contract with you, seeing as you’ve summoned me.” Danny drawls, letting his overly long digits wave at the summoning circle in question. He could break it, of course, but Danny’s bored and trying to draw this out. He’s not saying he’d take a batch of cookies as payment but that’s exactly what he’s saying.

“The price… you could always have my soul?”

Danny pauses. “Your… soul?”

Oh, he did not say what he just said.

“Yes. My soul.”

Oh, he did.

Fuck it. Danny’s flashbacks of suffering through the reports pushes green into his irises and urgency to his action.

He breaks out of the circle, hands lunging and gripping Constantine’s jaw tightly. Danny ignores the shouts of alarm as he allows the thrown weapons to pass through him.

John Constantine is panicking now, struggling in the air as Danny lifts him an inch off the floor in agitation.

Good.

“Your soul, little wizard? The one you’ve split eight ways till the thirtieth of February? The one that caused,” he tightens his grip, no doubt bruising the man. “An insane amount of paperwork that I’ve had to suffer through. Your soul, John Constantine?”

Danny hisses his name. The man makes a warbling noise that Danny takes as acknowledgement. Danny bats away the weak spell Zatanna sends at him with a hand.

“You’ll find that I am in the possession of most of your soul contracts. To simply put,” he grins, teeth made of dying stars on display. “I own your soul. My soul, now.”

He drops the wizard who collapses onto his knees to stare up at him in horror, eyes flicking between the circle that was meant to contain him and Danny, who is very much not contained. He crouches down- something necessary but disjointed as he’s not used to this taller form- and speaks to Constantine in a slow, dead serious, drawl.

“If you ever sell your soul again, you and I are going to have issues. Is that clear, John Constantine?”

“Uh- yeah, yes, yes, your majesty.”

Patting his cheek condescendingly, Danny gets up and sighs, stress relieved. He’s starting to feel bad, though, so he allows his form to ripple back to his normal teenage Phantom self.

“Well, it’s not like anyone will buy it, since they know they’ll have to go against me.” He chirps, flipping 180 from his terror inducing eldritch voice. “So, what’ll you pay me to get rid of whatever ghost you’ve got?”

“…. Nothing?”

Red Robin holds out a bag, eyebags betraying his exhaustion. “I’ve got fifty dollars and a bag of cookies.”

Phantom beams at him. “Throw in a couple of autographs and you’ve got a deal.”

“That’s- yeah, okay.” Red Robin says, inching forward cautiously to hand him the bag.

“Great. I’ll be back for them later. You can call me Phantom. ‘Your Majesty’ gets annoying after a while.”

“Thank- thank you for your mercy, Your- Phantom.” Wonder Woman says.

“Sure. Make sure this idiot doesn’t make any more deals with demons while I’m out, yeah?”

With that, Danny Phantom grabs the bag of cookies and fifty dollars and flies through the wall to do his job.

John slams his head onto the space station floor.

“Fuck.”

—-

Danny: lol I’ll do it for the shits and giggles

Constantine and the League: he’s terrifying, a bastion of pure power and authority

Red Robin, Young “we commit war crimes bc it gets shit done” Justice leader and fellow gremlin: he’d probably do it for cookies. I would.

[nickmaghighlights]

Nick Mag Highlights - Nick Mag Presents: Danny Phantom (Fall 2005)

Well, well, well, fancy meeting you here. Welcome back to my blog and the words that inhabit it. Today, Halloween comes early this year when we read through another exciting issue of Nickelodeon Magazine Presents, this time all about Danny Phantom. Boo! Trick-or-Treat! Deck the halls!

And not only is this edition of Nick Mag Highlights spooky, it’s also… pretty chill. Y’know? Just takin’ it easy, reading a handful of comics and probably a crossword puzzle or something. As much as I love researching the kind of stuff Nickelodeon Magazine includes in its articles, sometimes it’s nice to sit back and take things at face value and just see what the state of Nickelodeon was like at any given time, and these short-and-sweet issues of Nick Mag Presents are the perfect venue for just that.

But why exactly am I tackling this purportedly Halloween-themed issue in August? Well, mainly it’s because that new Danny Phantom graphic novel just came out… two weeks ago (oops). And I really enjoyed it! So I’ve since been in a big Danny Phantom mood lately. I even ended up re-watching the whole first season and had a blast doing so. This show was a real obsession of mine as a kid, so maybe this blog post is also a way for me to give it its dues.

This issue can be found online here, read along… if you dare!

Another Nick Mag Presents, another humorously wordy introduction. If you’re unfamiliar, basically all these Presents-styled issues have a panel on the first page with a character essentially advertising the book to you and talking about all the comics and activities included inside. This one here features Danny and an understandably perturbed ghost, for example. 

Since these issues were usually sold in stores as opposed to through a mail subscription, I suppose this is the issue’s way of hooking you in and explaining to you why you should buy it. I think a kid would probably be more inclined to just flip through the book and arrive at the same conclusion, but I guess this approach doesn’t hurt anybody.

But anyway, let’s see here… aw, only two wholly new comics? The Fairly Oddparents-themed issue I took a look at previously had five original comics. That’s a bummer, but at least we’ve still got variety… SpongeBob, My Life as a Teenage Robot, and The Wild Thornberrys, oh my! Even Tak makes an appearance here, two years before the premiere of his actual Nickelodeon cartoon, meaning this was an attempt to interest readers in the then-recently released video game: Tak 3: The Great Juju Challenge. Not sure if that worked.

And if you’ll take a look at that yellow, spiky bubble with words on the right there, this September 2005 issue is meant to coincide with the then-upcoming two episode-long Danny Phantom special, “The Ultimate Enemy”, which featured Danny taking on a more powerful version of himself from the future. Seems like the included removable poster is even themed around that very episode! Let’s just hope that poster is still left intact, eh?

So first up, we’ve got a page to get you up to speed on the main cast if you’re new to the show. It’s even got some new factoids for the already familiar superfans! For example: Did you know Sam is into anime? I sure didn’t.

Oh, and if you’re wondering where series villain Vlad Masters is, don’t worry, they go over him later on in the book.

On the right you’ll find an easy if not slightly amusing word puzzle, which tasks you with solving questions where each answer contains the word boo. Simple enough for a kid while still being worth the time, methinks.

Although all the stock ghost art on the page gets me wondering, how come most of the ghosts in the show manifest as typical-looking cartoon ghosts while others manifest in a human form? I guess maybe it comes down to the strength of your spirit. Who’s to say?

You’ve met the characters, now it’s time to meet the voices behind them! I’ll always take a side of interviews with my Nickelodeon Magazine, and this is no exception. The questions are cute, and I had fun reading them. Not much to say.

So we’re finally here at the first comic of the issue, and… not really a fan of this one! Yeah, sorry to start this retrospective off on a sour note but this isn’t really doing it for me. The main villain of this one is Youngblood, who already isn’t exactly one of my favorite villains from the series. But here they’ve got him and all the other characters stuck in a pretty by-the-numbers plot where Danny and co. get stuck babysitting the brat while he tries to maim them, with them of course unable to fight back lest they face the wrath of his parents (who are humongous lizard monsters, for some reason). 

If you’re even a little familiar with cartoons you’ve probably already seen quite a few takes on this formula already. And even if you like Youngblood as a character they don’t have him doing his usual pirate shtick he’s remembered for, so I’m not sure what anyone is getting out of this, really. What's especially not helping is that this goes on for ten pages, further dragging out an already tired concept. 

So there you have it, I guess. Done-to-death story with accordingly done-to-death jokes, a lame villain, and about two pages of action. I will say though, Danny and Tucker’s babysitting poster on page 2 did get a smile out of me, at least.

You’ve met the characters, and you’ve also met the voices behind them, now it’s time to meet… the rest of the characters! The villain ones! These guys really made the show for me, cause the team behind the show really just seemed to understand the assignment and made all of them really unique and memorable.

So we can see they’ve been ranked in terms of how dangerous they all are, which is a fun idea. ‘Course you’ve got Vlad at the top of, but then there’s Technus just behind him? I can’t say I remember him being notably more dangerous than any of the other baddies, I’m fairly certain he gets swept up at the end of his specific episode just like all the rest. I’m pretty sure Valerie gave Danny a bigger run for his money, and she’s down at #3.

Woah now, I’m starting to scrutinize the power levels of cartoon characters. Cartoon characters from a show I haven’t even fully watched all the way through since I was a kid, no less. Better put a stop to that before it gets ugly.

Cool little cartoons on the left there, that one on the top right is properly devious and I’m all for it. All the art is quite lovely too.

The right is… well, it’s Mad Libs, there’s no other way around it. Y’know the Mad Libs website refers to itself as “the world’s greatest word game” but I seriously think they need to take that up with Scrabble, or hell, even Hangman. Yeah I was never a big fan of this kind of fill-in-the-blanks stuff, but I guess it’s a pretty inoffensive activity to include.

Check out Danny’s dad rocking that emo hair.

And now we’ve made it to the second and last new comic for the issue, and unfortunately it’s only a two-pager. But hey, if my thoughts on the previous ten-page comic said anything, it was that I prefer quality over quantity. And this one is… okay. It’s funny enough, does what all it needs to with the concept, and it definitely doesn’t overstay its welcome. I’m again surprised by the lack of action in both of these comics, considering Danny Phantom is an action show, after all, but it’s not like the show wasn’t a comedy either, so it’s not that weird.

I guess while we’re here I could nitpick it a bit. The lineart here courtesy of series creator Butch Hartman* is a bit wonky at times. There’s the aforementioned emo hair Danny’s dad is wearing, but my main gripe is that dog robot just doesn’t really fit in with the rest of the artstyle. It being the only new original character design for this comic as well doesn’t seem like a coincidence to me. I guess the team was fine with whatever Hartman drew because he made the show after all, so surely he knows what he’s doing, right?*

*Insert obligatory comment about how much of a loser Butch Hartman is here.

Just want to give a shoutout to this pretty creative puzzle here. It actually stumped me a little when I first read it! Those monster designs are pretty entertaining too. Solid activity overall.

Next up it’s an installment of Sam Shade, which was a short-lived recurring series in Nickelodeon Magazine. Apparently the series ran from 2002 to 2005, so this may be one of the last times a Sam Shade comic was ever printed in a Nick Magazine. 

These comics mainly consist of the titular Detective Sam Shade trying to solve some mystery, sleuthing around the area in a series of detailed, wordy scenes. Likewise, you as the reader are as well tasked with scouring the pages for clues to help deduce the culprit. Each panel here smoothly moves into the next, making for something like a Where’s Waldo puzzle but with an actual narrative. It’s a really good idea! A shame this series didn’t last longer.

Hey, is that Carl from Jimmy Neutron on the bottom right there?

Pretty nice My Life as a Teenage Robot comic here. Although that’s kind of unfortunate in a way, since that means I haven’t got much to talk about! It’s pretty much a 1-to-1 translation from animation to comic here. The artstyle and writing are both on point, it’s all just in a shorter, more paper-y format.

I wonder why the aliens’ speech bubble has flowers in it. Is that a theater reference, maybe?

The design of these fiery aliens are particularly awesome - simple but effective. I’m surprised they used such a cool design in a comic that was going to be seen by way less people as opposed to using it in the cartoon. Man, this show is so cool, even its supplementary media is stylish!

But anyway, do you want to know how this story ends? Read it yourself!

Ohh man, I distinctly remember this comic. I don’t remember what issue of Nickelodeon Magazine this one is sourced from, but whichever one it was, I had it. The story’s nothing to write home about really, It's another take on the age old tale of “Squidward yells at SpongeBob and Patrick for doing something annoying, so they inadvertently ruin his life”. Squidward must have a really good lawyer for him to be able to bounce back from all the crap SpongeBob and Pat get him into.

This version of the usual story has S. Bob and P. Rick making a cake in Squidward’s image. Mr. Krabs ends up mistaking it for the real Squidward, bringing it to the Krusty Krab, and having it run the cash register, obviously to disastrous results. It’s all pretty par for the course, and there’s some funny lines to be had.

Weirdly though, unless I’m blind, I can’t seem to find any credits for this one. Not in the comic itself or at the back of the book. I’m pretty sure the artist(s) behind this one did more SpongeBob SquarePants comics though, and I wouldn’t be surprised if the same writing team had a hand in them too. I distinctly remember one where all the characters turn into desserts. Or maybe it was an alternate universe where they’re all desserts? Something like that. Maybe I’ll find it and cover it on this blog someday!

And up next, it’s a Wild Thornberrys comic of all things (said with feigned surprise, having read the table of contents moments ago). And I’m just now realizing none of these comics have anything to do with ghosts, or horror, really. Quite the magazine you’ve got just in time for October, Nickelodeon!

But hey, it’s not right to judge a piece of art specifically by the context in which it is presented. Especially when it was originally published in a magazine that likely came out years earlier, probably not even around the month of October. Desperate times call for desperate measures and all that, even when it comes to filling the pages of a magazine.

This comic is especially cool, anyway, as you can no doubt tell from its distinct shakeup in style!

The story has Eliza receiving some gifts from her Japanese friend, Mayumi (who was probably in the show, presumably), one of those gifts being a homemade manga. And while I’m not exactly an expert on the Japanese arts, I certainly find this art convincing and really appreciate the attention to detail. I bet any kids that were fans of manga around this time must have felt pretty seen to have one of their hobbies referenced in a rather unlikely place, and with such attention to detail no less.

One thing I can also appreciate is that this story really isn’t something they could have pulled off in the show itself (unless they studio really wanted to have an anime-themed episode and go through the undertaking of doing an episode in an entirely different, foreign animation style all on their usual budget), so overall this is a really fun idea done quite flawlessly. My only gripe is we don’t get to see a manga-styled Nigel Thornberry, but what can you do?

Oh boy, the Tak comic, cool. Now, I know these games have their fans, but I can’t say I’m one of them. I did watch the show a bit though, but I’ve heard it has nothing to do with the games, so I guess that makes me rather unprepared to tackle this two-page comic on an intellectual, researched level. I will say though that I think the Sam Shade comic from earlier pulled off this style of free-flowing, no-panel storytelling to a much greater effect. The amount of Taks they threw around the page makes it feel really busy and cramped, and they had to essentially remove the second character Tak is traveling with from the story since I guess they were strapped for page space.

But yeah, the colors are nice at least, and Tak media is especially hard to come by nowadays, so I suppose if I were more into the property, I might be more into this.

Last comic of the day, and it’s Jimmy Neutron. At least this one kinda fits the theme, I mean, aliens are almost in the same horror-league as vampires, zombies, ghosts, and all that. This is a pretty quality one to end off the book with, and in regards to Jimmy Neutron, this is one of the better ways these characters have been translated to 2D. Although the incredibly warm colors and harsh shadows throw me for a loop. Pretty good overall!

Before we wrap things up, I would like to mention that advert for The Nicktoons Film Festival on the right. I totally forgot these used to be a thing! From 2004 to 2009 Nickelodeon hosted a film festival and let viewers vote for their favorite animated short, along with letting proper animation people who know what they’re talking about vote on their favorites, too. Lots of great up-and-coming cartoonists took part in these festivals. This one in 2005 actually featured a short by J. G. Quintel that eventually was used as a basis for his own Cartoon Network show, Regular Show! You can check the short out below:

Neat bit of history there, yeah?

Even though I’m still a bit disappointed this issue didn’t include more original content, I still think this ended up being a fairly entertaining walk down memory lane. And hey, I hope you had a good time too. I’m doubly disappointed, however, that the archive of this issue didn’t come with that tear-out poster! Now we’ll never see it in its full hi-def glory.

As always, thanks for stopping by and checking out another bit of Nick history with me. Have yourself a good one, and I’ll see you all next time!

[deepfriedseagullfeet]

my marvin! lore rundown under the cut: 

24-28, nonbinary (they them), pan/ace, 5’4”

what is there to say about marvin? theres not really anything ‘canon’ to compare them to, and in general, everyone’s marvins in the community are different and unique!! this ego gives so much creative freedom cause of the lack of canon content, so its always fun to see what other people do with that!

in general, my marvin is indeed still a magician, and they do have cool sorcerer powers that i still havent completely pinned down, but their main power is summoning fire, telepathy/making things move with their mind, and probably other miscellaneous things ive imagined over the years but never wrote down!

so lets talk about backstory. they were the third ego without a previous life, but they have quite a colorful life when they get created. like i feel like more happens with marvin even before anti its crazy. so flashback to the tiny apartment jack and jackie lived in, thats where marvin comes in. and uh, jack hated them the moment he saw them. my marvin has these cat like features to them. they have fangs and sharp teeth, sharp claws, and yellow pupil-slit eyes. they came out sick and unresponsive for a short time when they were born, and when they did feel well enough, they set things on fire and stuff with magic they couldnt control.

jackie, who again at the time was dealing with unmedicated schizophrenia, became really close with marvin in that kid sort of way. they were both sick and being neglected by jack. and things only got worse.

marvin was, or at least what jack assumed to be, was dying. and jack didnt want to have a body in his apartment. so he took marvin in the night, drove them out to the middle of the surrounding woods, and left them there on the ground. when he got back, jackie was heartbroken over marvin not being there, asking where they went. jack told him they ran away. and when it didnt make sense to jackie that an essentially sick baby thats never left the flat before ran off, jack told him he was delusional and to go back to bed.

now obviously, marvin didn’t end up dying alone in the woods. in fact, they got so, so much better. turns out that marvin gets a lot of their energy from nature, and being out there gave them the strength to get better. and this person basically lived like some kind of feral disney princess for awhile. another power that i just remembered about is they can talk to animals!! so yeah, literal disney princess. they hunted fish to eat and slept under trees, all the while waiting for jack to come back to get them. but he never did.

so at this point, marvin meets someone out there in the woods. i call this guy Mr. Burnake based off that one lemon demon song, but ill probably change his name someday. also he looks like arin hanson, which may or may not be a nod to the fact that a danny avidan lookalike was jackies mentor.

as u may guess, this other guy was a powerful sorcerer, and noticing this dirty, feral magician out in the woods, he took them in and took care of them for awhile. he was the one who really taught marvin the value of magic, and how to use theirs. he became kinda a father figure to marvin, and when he disappeared one day, marvin was pretty sad, but felt that they had learned enough to go out into the world.

things move pretty fast from here, like marvin gets a job at a theater, and eventually becomes a stage magician, impressing people with their magic! it was a wild time for them, being popular and having all this attention, finally getting to express themself on stage. they went through a lot of changes, figuring out their gender identity and stuff. all good things.

now ok. im gonna be real with yall. idk what happens next because it always changes. so ive sorta decided to align all the different ideas into one idea. so here it is. basically Anti comes to marvin’s show and falls in love with them, DESPITE still being with jameson at the time. they meet up, marvin becomes interested in anti too, they start dating. then marvin figures out about jameson, then figures out anti’s a demon, then figures out anti wants to kidnap and probably torture them to death in his basement, and nopes the fuck out of there.

from then on, because they knew anti was also made by jack, they wanted to find out if jackie was still out there. they tracked him down and met henrik and chase, and it was this big reunion and it was great. and then marvin is like ‘hey, antis still out there and someone is with him’ and thats when jackie is like oh SHIT and they all decide to go hunt anti and save jameson. or something like that. idk anti has to die and jameson has to get rescued somehow.

so yeah, from then on, marvin just kinda lived with the other egos and still performed while spending time with their new family. good times.

so some other basics about marvin is that they have a very witty and proud personality. their pretty short but still walk tall. they can come off as being an asshole sometimes, just because they tend to think they know whats best, and can be a lil narcissistic sometimes. they have a hard time making connections, even with the other egos, because of their past of being abandoned, but they still love the others, jackie especially. i like a storyline where they fall a little bit in love with jackie, but grow closer to chase, and they have this soft-undefined kinda lovey relationship. but, yeah, this is marvin!

[misc-headcanons]

What are your OCs for JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure?

Oh I've got a whole-ass list lol. Some haven't got any descriptions yet and are just song/artist titles but here are a few

[Brutal] Takes the form of a humanoid Stand in a "punk" aesthetic, with black as a main color and a little pop of color with glitter tearstains. Spikes are a big motif. Brutal allows the Stand and User to sprout spikes that they can use as armor or both stationary and projectile weapons. The size, shape, and sharpness of the spikes can be adjusted according to the User's needs. User: Joanna Jett Joestar (Main protagonist) Maybe her Stand cry can be "BRUTA-UTA-UTA-UTA-UTA-BRUTARU!"

[Finesse] This Stand takes the form of a gold and metallic humanoid figure covered in chains, jewelry, and other accessories. The Stand accrues strength, speed, power, and durability as the user successfully steals more accessories without getting caught. The higher the value of the item, the stronger the user will become. Once the item has been successfully stolen, it will turn a gold color and can be used/manipulated as armor or freely controlled by causing the item(s) to move telekinetically according to the user's will if they aren't on the Stand's body. User: Cartiér Bee (antagonist at first, but quickly becomes a main ally) Stand Cry: Aye, aye, aye, aye, ayyye!

[Bad Boy] A Stand that takes the form of a leather jacket or black studded leather accessory. When worn, the victim is forced to break societal norms, laws, and rules. If they don't break these kinds of conventions, they will begin to feel immense pain until they're compelled to "rebel". It can only be removed by a figure in authority like a police officer. This Stand can be mitigated easily, but it's a challenging Stand to fight with if you're trying to keep a low profile and avoid attention. (Extremely minor villain, more comedic than intimidating) User: Danny "the Baddest Boi" G (nobody calls him this)

[Elephant Bones] This Stand allows the User to telekinetically manipulate any kind of refuse or polluted substances (ie. Polluted or contaminated water, soil) The current User is a gangster/assassin/serial killer that the newspapers have dubbed The Trash Man (or Garbage Day?) His MO is to kill people in their homes or place of work by summoning all nearby trash and forcing it into the victim's throats to suffocate them. He wears a ratty pimp-style fur coat and obsessively shops at thrift stores. (Minor villain?)

[Thot Shit] A Stand that allows the user to literally weaponize their sexuality. When being viewed and desired sexually by someone, the User can influence the temperature of the immediate area being observed and can even cause objects and people nearby to spontaneously combust. The User is able to manipulate the flames caused from this effect, but they are not immune to the flames; this makes using Thot Shit in close range extremely risky. User: Sugar Stallion (villain turned main ally)

[Camel Walk] A Stand that can cause the User to increase the weight of their boots and the shoes of an enemy, as well as strengthen their own legs to kick opponents or weigh them down by stepping on them. The User has a modified set of cowboy boots that has multiple spurs to use as bullets, which are fired when kicking at an opponent. User: Skid the Kid (minor villain, potential ally?)

[Pinball Wizard] A Stand used by a visually impaired user. The Stand allows the user to "see" via echolocation by clacking ball bearings together, and can manipulate these ball bearings to move around. There are only 5 balls that make up the Stand, and the range isn't limitless, so they need to be used wisely. User: Loreena (Ally)

[canyoureallygetlostinheaven]

wednesday characters as songs from my on repeat (spoilers!!)

enid sinclair - the loneliest time by carly rae jepsen ft. rufus wainwright

ok not only does this song fit enid, but i feel like she would also love it! it matches her bubbly & bright presence, and discusses repairing a previously broken relationship. i mean, enid and wednesday had “the loneliest time” being apart, both longing (maybe enid more outwardly) to reunite. it connects to the theme of wanting to try and repair something because such a strong bond exists - romantic or platonic. not to mention the moon being a huge symbol in the mv!

wednesday addams - ain’t it funny by danny brown

despite being one of the most developed characters, i had difficulty finding a song for wednesday. while there are some differences, like the song centering around drug addiction, it has the theme of self-destructive habits AND being aware of those habits. wednesday seems to be aware of how her comments can hurt others, but she is likely doing because she believes it’ll protect her emotionally. she’s got difficulty being vulnerable which i feel. of course, she also has many strengths, but out of the limited song choices i only really seemed to have one connecting to her weaknesses.

bianca barclay - girls on film by duran duran

i mean, she is a girl on film (very funny, i know i know). the song is about the mistreatment exploitation of models. bianca may not be a model, but she is judged unfairly and only valued by some for her looks. she even states that she never knows if people truly like her for her personality, as well as not being trusted due to her siren song ability. she is practically the definition of Misunderstood. set up to be the classic Popular Girl but ends up having depth and being a genuinely good person.

tyler galpin - tell me a joke by quadeca

man :( i am not necessarily a full fledged tyler apologist, but his arc was tough to watch. he had been neglected by his father, had vital information withheld from him, and then found someone who he thought cared about him but only used him to further her evil goals. i hope we get a redemption arc honestly. anyways, tmaj is about a ghost new to the afterlife, saying: “all i could hear were the crickets/funny the joke is on me.” the “joke” was on tyler, he was unknowingly being manipulated. i think this is one where listening to the song is really key to understand.

ms. thornhill/laurel gates - Psycho Killer by Talking Heads

mmmmmmmmmm [hatred]. this one seems almost too obvious, but the song was on my on repeat & i had to take the opportunity. the song is about the thoughts of a serial killer, and despite not doing the killing herself, thornhill definitely has that mentality. she feels no remorse killing outcasts & manipulating tyler. she is the true mastermind behind the resurrection plan. need i say more?

[africanotaku92]

AUs List

Ok, wow. Y’all really liked my last Au post! Because of that, I now have enough confidence to post a list of all the dumb AUs me and my sisters, @baaaa-king and @omniithedeer, have come up with. If you’d like to enquire about any of these ideas, send me an ask!

Danny Phantom AUs.

1. An AU where Danny and Dani get adopted by a ghost family and gain 400 siblings and an Eldritch grandma.

2. Supernatural Delegations AU (a one shot of the same name is in progress.) Other supernatural/paranormal beings exists and commonly interact with each other. Ghosts have been out of contact since Pariah Dark’s reign, and when they hear about the new monarch (AKA Danny), things get wild.

3. Young Ancients AU. A forgotten ghost artifact is rediscovered, and all the ancients hold a meeting to decide who should have it in their possession. Pariah crashes the meeting and, in the scuffle, activates the artifact, de-aging everyone into their teens. Of course, they go to Danny for help. We have collectively decided that Pariah is British. No one has a say unless it's to confirm.

4. Addams Family Danny Phantom crossover where, after Danny’s powers are reviled and the whole Fenton’s A+ Parenting, Danny runs away. He ends up being found and adopted by Morticia and Gomez. Honestly disappointed no one has made this yet >:(

5. Ghost Royalty AU. Danny, Sam and Tucker are all royalty/nobility in the Zone (Undergrowth is less of an ass here, and formally adopts Sam in Urban Jungle instead of mind controlling her. You already know Danny and Tucks royalty qualifications. Also, I know this isn’t my AU specifically, but my sisters and I have a lot of prompts, so its here.)

BNHA AUs.

1. Isolation AU, inspired by Telescope by Cave Town. AFO is not Hisashi. Inko, Mitsuki and their husbands went to a fertility clinic to have children via IVF. The clinic is actually the fore front for quirk experimentations funded by AFO. Izuku and Katsuki are born from the clinic and taken away, while AFO administers a mind-altering quirk on them to make them believe their children are stillborn. They are then taken and raised in a facility with other children for 15 years before Aizawa comes and rescues them.

2. Gore Warning for this AU!!

Isolated Cannibals AU, Inspired by Animal Cannibal by Karen Skladany. Quirked Izuku AU, specifics below.

Izuku and Katsuki are kidnapped just before their quirks came in and given to the Doctor to perform experiments on them. Along with the quirks they were born with, they were given copies* of a quirk called Carnivore, which lets them digest any form of meat from any creature, and get more nutritional value from it. They can still eat fruits and Vegetables though. For 12 years, they were tortured, tested on, and used as “Disposal” for failed experiments and Nomu before they got rescued.

* Izuku’s quirk is called All for All. He can temporarily posses a quirk, make copies with either temporary or permanent features, and either bind them to himself or another person of his choosing. He can also get creative and merge two copies into one unique customized quirk. The strength of the copied quirk depends on his base quirk, so the more he practices, the stronger the copies. Holding too many quirks could affect his physical and mental health, along with possessing the original drawbacks of the copied quirks.

3. A crack AU where everyone from Class 1A + Monoma and Shinsou is related to the Addams family.

4. Homestuck crossover AU where Izuku has a tiny bit of Troll Ancestry in his bloodline and that makes him pupate when he’s 4 and in an ironic jackpot of the Troll Genetics Lottery, he pupates into a Fushcia blood Troll. This is not his actual Quirk though. His actual quirk is a mix of hydrokinesis and the ability to control sea life. Think of Percy Jackson’s demigod powers. He also has natural pheromones that allow him to control or manipulate anyone his Troll instincts think of as lesser both Humans and Trolls. I plan on making Alternia invade Earth. It happens a few weeks After the Kamino Arc.

Miscellaneous AUs.

1. Homestuck AU where there’s A mafia/syndicate organization called The Ophiuchus Collective that believes in blood equality and that rank should be dictated by hard work. The Signless helped the syndicate in the past and owe him the favour of taking care of his descendant. As they hate owing favours, once they found Karkat they do everything in their power to protect him and ascend him to the position of Heir to the Leader.

2. Smitten Kitten Eyes: Post reveal crack miraculous AU where after a mission Plagg reaches his daily cheese limit (so as to not eat his family into bankruptcy) and Adrien refuses to give him more. Because of this, the next time Adrien transforms, Plagg leave his Chat Noir eyes once everything is over. Now he must navigate life trying to explain to everyone who doesn’t know why he has Chat’s eyes. Marinette has a blast the entire time.

[halo-jpeg]

I know I asked one already today but what about slashers with a male SO? Like, a soft boy?

Y E S. I’m writing this one on my laptop (The first time I’ve done that!) so there will probably be a lot more information. Writing on my laptop just makes ideas flow better. Maybe I’ll do this from now on.

Slashers with a Soft Boy S/O

Michael Myers

Opposites attract- he’s obsessed with you. He values that you don’t feel like you have to follow the stereotyped gender norms. You’re different, and unique and absolutely adorable. 

Every single instinct inside of him that usually screams ‘Kill kill kill!’ scream ‘Protect protect protect!’ and he likes the change. It’s also, in a way, similar to getting your parents approval- if the voices don’t want you dead than the two of you must be meant to be. 

He also enjoys the contrast you two share. You’re kind, and you speak quietly and wear light coloured clothing. Meanwhile, he’s dark and brooding and the opposite of nice, preferring darkness and evil. 

He appreciates your softness, it’s calming. After a long night of difficult hunting, he appreciates your love and affection. 

His favourite thing is when you comb your fingers through his hair or pepper his face with kisses. He can feel vulnerable, he can let his walls down around you. That’s something he’s never had before. 

His trust in you is absolute. You get to see his face, you get to hear his voice, you get to tell him what to do and you get to place whatever boundaries you want. He will respect them and you until the end of time. 

Jason Voorhees

Soft boy? Yes please! If he was a human of normal shape, strength and lifestyle, he’d probably be a soft boy as well. He likes flowers and small animals and the quiet nature. 

Speaking of flowers, he’ll want you to teach him how to make flower crowns. If you don’t know how, then you can learn together! Along with flower crowns he’ll also make any other gifts or pressed flowers for you that he can, collecting nice looking plants and pressing them to keep in a scrapbook he insists you keep. 

Your calm mannerisms are a nice break. Like Michael, his days are usually filled with chaos, screams and bloodshed, so coming home to you curled up on the couch is amazing. He’ll pamper you, hugging you and playing with your hair. 

He won’t let you stray too far from the house without him, afraid that you could get hurt- or spotted by other people who think you’re as cute as you are. He doesn’t want to be childish, but sharing is not something he’s willing to do. 

His mother loves you too. You’re kind, and she knows you’d never ever be rude to him like this kids were all those years ago. She thinks you’re a perfect match for her boy. 

He’ll do whatever you want- want to spend your evening reading? Sure! Maybe a movie? Okay. You’re so kind to him, you always get to pick how your days are spent. He never complains, he loves you too much for that.

Billy Loomis & Stu Macher

Billy, Stu and you are three points to a triangle. Billy is a bit of an edgelord, mysterious and threatening, while Stu is the definition of an energetic crackhead. You balance each other out- or maybe you create the perfect storm. 

Billy is a calmer guy than most, so he likes to spend his free time hanging out with you in a chill environment, like watching a movie or something similar. Whether you chat quietly as you do or just enjoy each others company, he’ll be satisfied.

Stu, on the other hand, likes to cuddle, cracking jokes all the while. Again, he’s more energetic than Billy so calmer times like these are a break to you. 

Billy likes to be big and strong, so having a softer S/O makes him feel like he needs to protect them. He’s clearly more than capable of it, too, so don’t ever worry about being in danger. 

Stu is similar, but he’s more up front about it. If anyone even implies anything that he doesn’t like, he’ll call them out for it in a playful but clearly passive-aggressive way. 

One of them will always be with you, yet most of the time it will be both of them. They’re attached to you and they aren’t subtle about it. 

Danny ‘Jed Olsen’ Johnson

Danny will never call you by your real name, not when you’re as cute as you are. You’ll constantly be called things like ‘Sweetheart’ or ‘Honey’. He usually calls everyone nicknames like that, but now that you’re here, they’re for you and only you.

He’ll pull out his old, classic Polaroid camera since he thinks it matches perfectly with your whole soft boy aesthetic. He strings any good photos along the walls with fairy lights.

He likes to go out in public with you, flaunting his adorable S/O and waiting for people to send him jealous glances as if you’re the worlds greatest prize- which you are. 

However, if anyone ever makes a move or compliments you he snaps and gets super territorial. God forbid anyone ever tried to take advantage of you. Their body would turn up days later for sure.

He’s pretty much an opposite of you, wearing dark clothes and loving dark comedy- and, of course, killing people. He thinks it’s cute that you love him so much when he’s so different from you.

He stares at you almost all the time. If you’re ever sitting on the couch, silent, not doing much and you look over at him, he’ll be looking right back at you already, a smirk splitting his features. ‘Just takin’ in the eye candy.’ 

Brahms Heelshire

Brahms is also a soft boy. He was more than surprised when you showed up as his nanny, but he fell in love with you the moment he realized how similar you were to him.

T e a p a r t i e s. If you act like him you must like the same things as him, so he won’t ever even ask. He’ll just... take your hand and drag you to the table where he’s already set out a teapot with some of his best tea inside. That’s the one thing he can make without wrecking it, and he makes it good.

He loves when you read to him in your calm, sweet voice, and swears he could listen to you forever.

He’ll trust you quicker than he’s ever trusted anyone, so he’ll use his normal voice and show his face quite often, either babying you or being babied, playing with your hair or having you play with his.

He’s a cuddle fiend, so he’ll cling to you all the time at random, hugging you for minimum 10 minutes whenever he gets in a clingy mood.

He’s so scared when you leave the house, afraid that you won’t come back (choosing not to or being stopped) so he’ll actually go into public with you. He hates it, but your calming energy makes him feel much more comfortable. 

Norman Bates

Literal definition of soft boy (at least most days). He’s like your carbon copy, doing the things you do and acting the way you act. 

He’s a poor nervous little guy, so he’s never too keen on PDA, but he’ll hold your hand and try to be confident while doing so. He’ll also apologize a million times, saying that he really want to hug you but he’s just too scared. 

If you are ever threatened he’ll go crazy, snapping much more common than he normally would. He tries to keep it under control, but in the right environment and with the right scenario he’ll go crazy and beat the offender to a pulp- or to death, sometimes. Eek. 

After his explosive episodes, he’ll feel so bad for potentially scaring you. He’ll hug you tightly and he’ll promise he won’t let it happen again. You both know he can’t control it, but these promises soothe both him and you.

He’s usually always working, cleaning, etc. but with you he’ll take a step back and relax with you when he almost never does. 

The best at making you feel perfect. He’ll compliment you every second he can, kissing your hands and cheeks and nose. you can also see the pure unadulterated love in his eyes. 

Vincent Sinclair

Vincent l o v e s you so much, you’re just the type of person he needs in his life. You’re so sweet and kind to him, which counter’s Bo’s snappiness, while you’re also very calm and soothing, a good counter to Lester’s high energy. 

He’ll teach you how to sculpt like he can as best as possible, spending hours standing behind you and guiding your hands over his work-in-progress. 

He enjoys towering over you, making him feel big and strong- again, the opposite of how Bo makes him feel. you give him a purpose, he feels useful when here’s there to protect you. 

He’ll soak up any praise you give him, returning it full-force in the form of flowers, wax gifts, and stuff he’s scavenged off of tourists. He knows he’ll never be able to repay you for all you do for him but he’ll sure as hell try his best.

He refuses to kill in front of you. From time to time Bo will drag an unconscious (but still breathing) victim down into the basement for him to wax alive so the form is easier to get right, but Vincent will usher you out of the room so you don’t see the body or the following process. It’ll taint your perfect personality. 

He soothes his insomnia simply by looking at you. Your calmness lets him know that everything is okay, and sleep comes easier when your nestled against his side snoring gently. 

Bo Sinclair

Bo thinks its hilarious and impossible that you ever fell for him, a big, dangerous man with no sense of mercy. It’s also strange that he fell for you, since no one else had ever caught his eye before. 

He trusts you not to run to the police, and by god you’d never even try. He thanks whatever god may be listening for the gift that is your love, wondering every single day how he got so lucky. 

Your softness is foreign to him but once he gets used to it he noticed that it’s slightly similar to how Vincent acts. He is soothed by the familiarity that this realization brings. 

He’ll want nothing more than to cuddle you day and night, but he knows he has to work so he’ll request that you work with him to keep him company. He also wants to keep an eye on you but would never admit to that. It’s not like he’s always terrified for your well being or anything baka

On days where he feels extra sweet he’ll make you breakfast and ask for Lester to pick up some flowers from the nearest town, wanting to make you feel special since he doesn’t ever have the chance to shower you with the love he wants to.

He’ll never believe that you know he loves you, he’ll always doubt it, and he’ll always claim he needs to show you better. Whatever gifts he can get his hands on go to you. 

Lester Sinclair

Your softness is something he’s never properly seen before. He’s curious to learn about every single one of your likes and dislikes, and soon enough he knows every little thing about you. 

He won’t have any spare cash- he uses it all to buy you things or to gather things for a nice date. His favourite, as I’ve said in other headcanons, are picnics at night in the bed of his truck, staring up at the stars. 

If you’re ever in his truck with him while he’s working, when driving down the road, if he ever sees some pretty flowers he’ll pull over just to pick them for you, tucking them behind your ear or bundling them into a bouquet.

He treats you like glass. Even though he isn’t strong and would never accidentally hurt you, he is scared anyways. 

He’ll hold your hand and kiss your knuckles whenever he’s got the chance.

Whenever Bo yells at him, your soothing voice calms him right back down. It’s so soft and gentle he can’t stay sad or angry, so he gives into the smile trying to crawl onto his face at the sound of it.  

Bubba Sawyer

You’re everything he wishes he could be. He tries to be soft and gentle in nature as not to scare people (unless he’s trying to of course) but he’s just too tall and burly to do so. 

He’ll try to examine how you act, incorporating it into his own actions so he can seem more like you and less intimidating. It doesn’t help much but it’s endearing that he wants to be so much like you.

Despite Drayton’s shouting and demanding he still clips sunflowers to gift to you, and you have so many sunflower-crowns, wilted and new. He also presses and dries flowers for you.

Your softness completely contrasts the chaos of his life. His brothers, all three of them, are loud, energetic, and obnoxious, but you’re the polar opposite, the calm within the storm. You make every day worth living. 

You’re so sweet towards all of his siblings despite how difficult they can be, and it warms his bog ‘ol heart.

P R O T E C T. He’ll sacrifice his own life to save you, and when your life is on the line, depending on the day he can act two ways- p a n i c, where he loses track of himself and freaks out, or c a l m, where he knows EXACTLY what he’s doing at all times, and acts with strange precision and determination. 

Thomas Hewitt

You are as different from him as one could get. You remind him of his mother, and he loves you just as much as he loves her. He likes standing beside you and seeing how different he is from you.

He’ll try to imagine the two of you with swapped personalities, where he’s the soft one and you’re the big scary one. He can’t imagine it no matter how hard he tries. 

He’ll ask you every day if you actually choose to be with him, and when you say yes he gets just as happy and giddy as always. 

He’ll collect things off of victims to gift to you in exchange for your ‘adorableness’, as he puts it. 

He won’t let anyone get too close to you- not even his brothers, only his mother. The same goes for victims. Anyone who gets even a step too close to his basement gets a quick mallet to the head. He won’t take any chances. 

He gets a n g r y when anyone says anything remotely bad about you. That goes for his brothers as well. He’s usually a pushover, obedient, but if they so much as say your name in the wrong tone he’ll snap and turn into a menacing beast not to be messed with.

Billy Lenz

S o f t b o y ? Y e s

He cherishes you more than any other slasher here. You aren’t a rude asshole like most of the people he’s seen in his life, you’re so perfect and different and fantastic.

He’s a soft boy too, so he’ll ask you to play with his hair while he plays with yours, like some sort of two-sided braid train. Speaking of which- braid this poor boys messy hair, he loves it.

No attic for you >:{ it’s too dark, you could hurt yourself! He doesn’t want that, it would be his worst nightmare to lose you! After explaining why you can’t go in the attic he’ll start crying simply because of the thought of losing you. 

You’ll have to cuddle him lots or else he’ll cry. This little dude is a cry baby, but like all cry babies he just needs love. Lots and lots of endless love. 

He will never want you leaving the house because he can’t go with you, and he gets lonely very quickly. Before you met he was always lonely, but now that he knows he has someone to love and spend time with the loneliness is amplified tenfold. 

Leslie Vernon

You’re the cutest!! He appreciates every little thing about you, and analyzes you in the beginning of your relationship to learn every tiny thing you do. All your quirks, traits and nervous tics are imprinted in his mind. 

He knows your daily routine and lines his up with yours so he can keep an eye on you at all times. He knows you can handle yourself but he enjoys every little thing you do and wants to see you at all times in your natural environment.

He likes to plan his hunts with you at his side to talk to him about anything you want, even if it has nothing to do with what he’s planning. Your whole aura gives him energy and creativity since you’re so different from what he’s used to. 

He makes sure never to involve you with his killing, afraid that it could be traced back to you and get you sent to jail. Even if he got caught, you would still live your normal life and that’s comfort enough for him to go on.

Always missing you, every second of the day. It’s like he can’t breathe the air if you aren’t breathing it too. 

He is in love with every little thing you do, trailing off mid-sentence and getting distracted by your stunning eyes or heart-stopping smile. 

Pyramid Head

YOU ARE COMPLETELY DIFFERENT FROM HIM AND HES SO IN LOVE WITH IT.

As far back as he can remember everything has been dark and scary. You don’t belong in a dark world like this, but here you are, with him of all people! The scariest, most dangerous one here, but you have him basically purring like a kitten, putty in your hands. 

Nothing even thinks to mess with you since P.H. is never far away. You basically own the place, and no matter how nice you are to all the beasts they’re all still terrified of you and the promise of death hanging around with you in the form of an S/O.

He wishes you were in a happier place than this. You don’t deserve the fear and danger, you deserve a perfect life where you’re treated like you deserve to be treated. He feels so bad that you’re stuck here too.

The rage inside of him gets to be too much sometimes, but he’s always soothed by your presence alone, the sound of your voice washing away any negative emotions. 

Huge separation issues. He doesn’t know why but he can’t be away from you for long or he’ll break down. 

[howwelldoyouknowyourmoon]

Lawmakers welcome a guy to Congress – and the messiah shows up

Who Is Rev. Moon? ‘Returning Lord,’ ‘Messiah,’ Publisher of the Washington Times

John Gorenfeld – PoliPoint Press

The following is an adapted excerpt from John Gorenfeld’s “Bad Moon Rising: How Reverend Moon Created the Washington Times, Seduced the Religious Right, and Built an American Kingdom” (Polipoint Press, 2008).

The video is from a 1997 Washington Times party where Moon said he founded the newspaper to save the world. In it, he also demands that his employees rid the world of “free sex,” meaning sexual intercourse beyond the purifying influence of his mass weddings.

One chilly Tuesday evening, strange things were afoot on Capitol Hill. The U.S. Senate was hosting a ceremony at the request of a wealthy, elderly newspaper publisher who wanted official recognition as a majestic, divine visitor to Washington. The Dirksen Senate Office Building made for an unlikely temple: a formidable seven-story block of white marble, looming on a street corner diagonally across from the Capitol Dome, its marble pediment is inscribed, “THE SENATE IS THE LIVING SYMBOL OF OUR UNION OF STATES.”

On March 23, 2004, U.S. lawmakers were filmed here in a conference room, paying tribute to the enigmatic Reverend Sun Myung Moon, then eighty-four, and his wife, Hak Ja, sixty-four.

As the cameras rolled, two congressmen presented the Koreans with matching royal costumes. Wearing the burgundy robes and shining crowns, which crested into jagged golden pinnacles, the married couple smiled and waved for the cameras.

Who was this self-proclaimed monarch? In the 1970s, the evening news had presented Moon, the ranting, middle-aged business tycoon who wore flowing robes on special occasions, as Korea’s answer to L. Ron Hubbard, someone for college students to avoid, luring thousands of young Americans into a cult in which they sold carnations on the street and married spouses he chose for them. But the media had moved on to other nightmares, leaving Moon, forgotten, to reinvent himself. Now time had wizened him into an elderly patriarch, wearing an ashen face for his coronation. An orange Senate VIP name tag remained pinned to his gray suit, peeking out from between rows of curly gold filigree, as he stood on stage at the head of a red carpet.

The King of Peace, the Lord of the Fourth Israel, the Messiah, they called him now – and the publisher of the Washington Times. Though over a dozen congressmen attended his pageant, no one spoke a word of it to the press, not at first. By the time the secret was out, and ABC News was broadcasting the strange sights, it was three months later – summertime – and school was coming soon to the States. Soon grand parade marshals would drive teen queens and their bouquets around football fields, and the helmets of varsity teams would crash through banners. And homecoming would not be so different, insisted the two hapless congressmen, from the Reverend Moon’s rites, which had become a scandal.

“People crown kings and queens at homecoming parades all the time,” the liberal Chicago representative Danny Davis (D-IL) said.

“I remember the king and queen thing,” said Rep. Roscoe Bartlett (R-MD). “But we have the king and queen of the prom, the king and queen of 4-H, the Mardi Gras and all sorts of other things. I had no idea what he was king of.”

Yes, they admitted, it was them on camera, walking in the procession with slow, worshipful steps, bowing to the stage where the Moons stood. Those were Davis’s hands, wearing white gloves to avoid defiling the embroidered pillow he carried, a crown bobbing on it, to be lain on the brow of Mrs. Moon; that was Bartlett carrying the burgundy cape for Mr. Moon’s shoulders. Neither seemed embarrassed.

The “throne room” itself belonged to the U.S. Senate, whose Rules Committee, under Republican senator Trent Lott (R-MS), had the final say in who booked rooms and whether visitors could be anointed kings in them. And a senator had to sign off on that. The name of the senator, said one of the evening’s hosts, the defrocked Catholic priest George Stallings, was “shrouded in mystery.”

“There are moments that best play straight,” CNN anchor Aaron Brown said after I discovered the pageant. “So here goes. Lawmakers welcome a guy to Congress – and the messiah shows up.”

The coronation had been disguised as a Washington awards dinner, sponsored by a conservative, pro-war senator who had modestly kept his name out of the picture. The party began normally enough, serving portions of chicken and fish from the buffet and windy politicians’ speeches from the podium. But through a bait and switch – and a strange internal logic – room G-50 of the Senate office building, all marble and eagle seals, changed during the course of the evening into a fantasy throne room, complete with long red carpet, for the stern monarch of the Washington Times, the influential conservative newspaper that warns of immigrants and threats to Christmas – and who also controls United Press International (UPI), the formerly great news agency.

Moon walked from the chilly evening into the marble building dressed in a suit with bow tie and rose corsage. When he got up to deliver his keynote address, it was in a gravelly northern dialect of Korean, a farmer’s accent. Gripping the podium, he gruffly admonished the crowd, which included members of Congress, to accept him as “God’s ambassador, sent to earth with His full authority.”

With a printed copy of the speech before them – headlined Declaring the Era of the Peace Kingdom – guests listened to an English translation in radio earpieces. “The time has come for you to open your hearts,” Moon said, “and receive the secrets that Heaven is disclosing in this age through me.” To prove his credentials, he spoke of testimonials on his behalf – from the lips of the dead, with whom he claimed the power to converse. “The five great saints,” he said – meaning Jesus, Confucius, Buddha, Muhammad, and the Hindu prophet Shankara [Socrates] – “and many other leaders in the spirit world, including even Communist leaders such as Marx and Lenin, who committed all manner of barbarity and murders on earth, and dictators such as Hitler and Stalin, have found strength in my teachings, mended their ways and been reborn as new persons.”

His boasts were underscored with whoops and cheers from his followers, who had the good seats. To their church, the moment was a shining vindication for years of hardship: for being treated in the press as predators and for seeing their Christ-like hero, the Reverend Moon, forced onto the witness stand by U.S. tax attorneys, Sen. Bob Dole, and others between 1975 and 1984. Behind the gavels of government, these Pontius Pilates had pronounced Moon an enemy of the American family and the advance man for a South Korean dictator. The Reagan Justice Department had even sent Moon to prison [for tax evasion and document forgery]. But now Moon was active in family values politics, and members of Congress were as submissive as puppies. Moon prevailed.

Believing they were saving the world, Moon’s men had faced desperate pressure to arrange the awards dinner. The Senate event’s emcee was Michael Jenkins, leader of the American Unification Church, a white, middle-aged, blandly enthusiastic spokesman for the cause. In the autumn of 2003, Jenkins recalls in a sermon found online, the Reverend Moon had instructed him three times, first in a low voice, then louder, that unless the world enacted Moon’s plan for world peace, millions would die in a new Middle East Holocaust. “Not six million,” Jenkins said, “but six hundred million.” That fall the Times publisher fished for hours on his boat, while his apostles begged him not to strain his health. “You tell me to rest,” Moon retorted, “but I’m determining the course of history.” When Moon goes reeling off the coast of Kodiak, Alaska – where the church-owned True World Foods cannery annually ships out over twenty million pounds of salmon and other seafood – his followers believe his fishing also mends the wounds of the Cosmos. One day, the elderly fisherman accused Jenkins’s American archdiocese of taking the mission lightly. Far from it, Jenkins proclaimed from the pulpit. “Our American members are willing to die,” he said. “They’re willing to die. Once they understand God’s will, they’ll die.”

Had the Reverend Moon’s crowning at the Dirksen Senate Office Building not been filmed and photographed from seemingly every possible angle, and broadcast on ABC’s World News Tonight and Fox, and giggled at by The Daily Show’s Jon Stewart, and compared in a New York Times op-ed with an act of the Roman emperor who nominated his horse to the senate, it might have remained a mad whisper among Senate aides.

▲ Sun Myung Moon and Hak Ja Han are wearing Korean shaman crowns with symbolic antlers and trees (the seven branches represent the seven levels of heaven with the Moons enthroned at the top).

Continue reading here

______________________________________________

Bad Moon Rising: How Reverend Moon Created The Washington Times, Seduced the Religious Right, and Built an American Kingdom by John Gorenfeld

Sun Myung Moon – Emperor, and God

Shamanism is at the heart of Sun Myung Moon’s church

Sun Myung Moon: The Emperor of the Universe, transcript and links

[whatsortofschoolisthis]

Rubin ‘Rubi’ Orn

 “A tall, redheaded stern faced woman with an ugly curse scar across her face. Wouldn’t fancy meeting her in a dark alley.”

- Chaotic Neutral

 - Born September 22, 1948 on the Faroe Islands.

 - Asexual.

 - Was the result of a fling of Henry’s before he married his first wife. Her mother, Elsa, is a half-blood.

 - Alumni of Drumstrang. Recommends attending one of the smaller schools or even a school out of the area when asked about her time there. 

- Drumstrang does not have ‘houses’ in the traditional sense but they do have different schools of Magic that students can focus on after their third year. Rubi chose seiðr or Old Norse magic.

- Sees magic as a neutral force, it is only as Light or as Dark as those using it.

- Morally grey.

- sarcastic.

 - Worked as a spy during the First Wizarding War. Later hunted Death Eaters for a time before becoming a professional Duellist.

 - Hates Grindelwald with a burning passion.

 - Blew her cover after Death Eaters targeted her father’s children (Hecate and Jacob.) Brutally killed three of them, two escaped.

 - Owns a Kneazle named Sam and speaks with him at length on various subjects. Values his opinion. Hecate, Bryn, and Sean are concerned.

 - Moved two houses down from Hecate’s house after the incident with the death eaters

 - Her patronus is a wolverine. Has no idea what it is, refers to it as a “Fucked up Badger thing.” Her memory is holding Hecate and Jacob for the first time.

 - Practices an older, more traditional form of wandless magic. Uses plants, crystals, and bones in her spells. Does have a wand for duelling.

- Yew Wand, 11 inches, springy flexibility, and a vial of Swooping Evil venom as a core.

Popular in Ireland and Scotland, the European Yew is a wand wood of death and rebirth. The owner values honor highly, and would often prefer to die rather than submit or surrender in extreme cases. They often have a preoccupation with religion, spirituality, spirits, reincarnation, and the after-life.

These witches and wizards are independent, and may refuse the help of others (this may be overcome later in life, but will be especially prominent in their youth). It takes them much time to develop as people, as well as to develop their magic.

The unusual quality about yew wood itself is how flexible the wood is, despite its great hardness and strength (for being a softwood). The owner is similar in that they have strong convictions but are flexible in the manner in which they accomplish goals or uphold their convictions. They have an inner-resilience which allows them to spring back from metaphorical deaths.

They can be exceptionally protective of those they’ve ‘claimed’ as their own, and make for frightening adversaries

A powerful core, swooping evil venom has an odd reputation as it is capable of the most terrifying mind-altering spells as well as the most potent mind-healing magic. This core chooses creative witches and wizards, with great imaginations. Often, this reveals itself in endeavors like stone carving as well as creating the most ingenious and twisted of hexes and jinxes. Their owner’s head in the clouds appearance belies their talents in offensive magic and manipulation. At their worst, they can be a bit sadistic and play head games on other people for their own amusement. There is talent in magic to do with darkness, memory, the mind, hiding, and concealment. This core also possesses a latent soul-based magic, which is activated by specific wand woods (such as camphor). Otherwise, it gravitates towards woods with a darker nature such as blackthorn or snakewood.  

(Description courtesy of cloverlywands blog)

 Wren Ito (Maiden name: Ames)

 “Their older sister, Wren, was a fine student of my house. Quiet, made almost no trouble for anybody. Clearly that must have come from her mother.”

- Lawful Good.

 - Born January 1st, 1950 in London, England.

 - Pureblood (technically).

 - Ravenclaw, the first in the Ames family

 - Daughter from her father’s first Marriage to Nancy Ames (Maiden name: White). Her mother was the muggleborn daughter of a Mortician and a housewife.

 - Nancy was murdered in 1955, the murder was never solved but was believed to have been committed by an early version of Death Eaters. Wren was with her grandparents at the time of the murder.

 - Wren was a good student during her time at Hogwarts but was generally quiet and unassuming. Her favorite class was Ghoul Studies and her best class was Astronomy. Involved in Astronomy Club and Ghoul Club

 - Became interested in Ghouls due to her mother sticking around for two years after her death and because Muggle Shades often hung around her grandmother, the daughter of a muggle and a Squib, who had a mild version of second sight.

 - Slight build with light brown hair and tiny. Looks nothing like her younger siblings.

 - Met her future husband Osamu at the Triwizard Tournament.

 - Her patronus is a fox, which is her husbands Animagus form. It was previously a field mouse. Her happy memory is her first date with her husband.

 - Really dislikes Rakepick as she went to school with her.

 - Still a quiet person but has developed a very wry sense of humor from her husband. Also loves Puns. This causes great pain to her family.

 - Lives on Mahoutokoro school grounds with her husband and two children Sara and Mirou. Her husband is the Professor of Transfiguration and she writes books on Ghouls and Shades (Muggle ghosts). Is considered the foremost expert on the subject. Uses a typewriter rather than a quill.

- Her wand is Mahogany, 12 inches, swishy flexibility and a mermaid hair core.

Mahogany wand owners are charismatic, energetic, and possess much curiosity. They have above average magical cores, and great endurance. They like to be intellectually stimulated and become bored very quickly. The lion’s share of their energy goes towards what interests them, and they neglect that which does not. There is a regal air to their mannerisms, and a devil may care attitude in their interactions with others. They care little for others’ opinions, but also care too much on the opinions of those they admire or are close to them.

Most subjects and knowledge comes easily to them, and they can come up with innovative solutions incredibly fast.

Though they can be sweet and protective of their loved ones, these witches and wizards are also jealous and vengeful to those they dislike. Many times,their dislike is arbitrary or due to jealousy. They can be extremely possessive and controlling at their worst.

 Merperson hair wands’ reputation varies by the subspecies and by cultural norms. What is shared between people with this core, it that they all are creative and imaginative, and usually have some sort of musical talent. These witches and wizards also have a talent with language, and may learn foreign languages with relative ease. ‘Restless’ describes these people well, and they like to investigate and explore. They are always searching for something, and even they don’t know exactly what it is. They can become irritated by those who try to force a routine on them, or those who try to tell them how to live. Adventurous at heart, they like to try new things or novel approaches. They don’t care for doing something just because it’s “tried and true.” Finding new and better ways is important to them, testing the limits of what is possible and what they can accomplish.

Fiadah O'Faud.

“All O’Faud’s are Blood Traitors. Especially that one.”

- Technically Chaotic Good. Lawful Chaotic would be a better term.

 - Born April 1st 1951, in a home for unwed mothers in County Galway Ireland. Was the result of an affair between her mother Brigid O’Faud and Henry Ames.

 - Pansexual

 - Has a half-Veela partner of seven years named Simon Jones.

 - Pureblood.

 - O’Faud’s had not been allowed at Hogwarts up until about 1914 due to an ancestor killing the grandson of Salazar Slytherin because he (allegedly) married and then murdered Callum O’Faud’s granddaughter, who was a squib. They were not allowed in Slytherin until 1951.

 - Her mother and stepfather immigrated to America when she was 13 years old. They both still currently live in Boston, Massachusetts. She transferred to Ilvermorny and was sorted into Wampus House. Was originally in Slytherin.

 - Visits all her half siblings often, especially Hecate, Bryn, and Danny.

 - Fiadah works as a magical law Prosecutor in America and takes cases that mostly involve violence against Creatures, Muggles, Squibs, Muggleborns, and foreigners.

 - Cunning and extremely bullheaded but surprisingly well spoken. Does not look like she would be well spoken.

 - Dry as dead leaves humor.

 - Covered in magical tattoos that move around her body. Currently has a snake, a thunderbird, two crows, a raven, a hare, a spray of flowers that bloom in the morning and close at night, and a Thestral.

 - Average height with black hair in a pixie cut and black eyes.

 - Animagus form is a crow.

 - Patronus is an Irish Hare. Her happy memory is introducing Hecate, Sean, Bryn, and Jacob to American rock the day she got her law certification.

 - Saw her grandmother die (cancer).

 - Lives in rural Georgia. Does not speak to any of her parents, does not like them.

 - Plays the fiddle. When she tells someone she played them ‘Like a fiddle’ that’s a compliment, Fiddles are hard to play.

- Her wand is a Redwood wand, 13 inches, slight flexibility, and a dragonheartstring core.

Prized in California and Pacific Northwest, redwood is notorious for its owner’s ability to survive the impossible (Pottermore). Which is fortunate because they seem to be danger magnets. Their personality and natural skill set that this wand is attracted to also make for people who thrive under pressure and against the odds.

These witches and wizards have good reflexes as well as good judgement and foresight. Not much surprises them and what does surprise them, they react and adapt to with ridiculous ease. As Ollivander states, they have a talent for turning disaster into opportunity.

Brave and adventurous, not much intimidates the owner of a redwood wand.

As a rule, dragon heartstrings produce wands with the most power, and which are capable of the most flamboyant spells. Dragon wands tend to learn more quickly than other types. While they can change allegiance if won from their original master, they always bond strongly with the current owner.The dragon wand tends to be easiest to turn to the Dark Arts, though it will not incline that way of its own accord. It is also the most prone of the three cores to accidents, being somewhat temperamental.

(Description courtesy of cloverlywands and pottermore

[baekchelor]

ａｓｈｏｒｅ[x]

pairing: bodevan cash x reader genre: Doctor! AU, Romance, Angst summary: After a fall out with your fianceé, and an opportunity to chase your dreams, you embark into a medical mission trip to Namibia where you run into self-taught doctor Bodevan Cash. Love ensues. word count: 1.7k a/n: Hello, hello! Let’s pretend we’re all hugging while I thank you all fro reading this story. I’m so sorry it took me so long to finally end it, but i really struggled with the outcome. Yes, she staying with Ethan was considered.🤭🤭 I hope you like the outcome. All the love, boos. ❤️❤️

❝I  am  longing  to  be  with  you,  and  by  the  sea,  where  we  can  talk  together  freely  and  build  our  castles  in  the  air.❞                                                                                               ― bram stoker

EPILOGUE

ｆｏｒ ｔｈｅ ｅｎｄｌｅｓｓ ｄａｙｓ ◄ ｐｒｅｖ Bodevan wrote, "If you know I'm dying, and I know you still love me. Come back to me..." He wasn't dying; obviously, the only person inhabiting Bo's teepee whose days were numbered —unless a medical miracle occurred, was Danny. Although nobody was exempt on an accident or to suddenly drown in the sea, pushed by the strong winds at the Skeleton Coast, Danny's health was Bodevan's biggest concern. It grew worse each passing day, he barely had the strength to keep his lids open, and a despaired Peera held onto his fingertips with blood-shooted eyes. With careful words, and in response to your frantic call at 4am, Rellian explained the intended purpose between the lines in Bodevan's email. He was a professional, no doubt, he valued saving lives more than anything in the world, and that included you. Danny was his priority at the moment. Nevertheless, your absence had stolen further the already restless nights, it had triggered a loss of appetite in his rare lunch breaks. Bo's hunger for life started to fade away, he felt like dying each passing day you woke up across the world instead of wrapped around his limbs. It broke your heart because you knew —he confided in you—, it was a nightmare that haunted him at nights. To experience the same pain his father dealt with when Bo's mother left and later committed suicide, frightening him, and you've induced it to him. He feared the undying love you shared in Namibia was purely circumstantial, and the more days you spent in New York, the more the odds were against him and on Ethan's favour.  Bodevan was wrong.

Because all the time you spent with him, left a thread knitted inside your soul. Bo's face never failed to taunt you in dreamland or drifted you into memories about África and its morning skies. You haven't stopped thinking about him either, not for a second, despite the lies you told yourself. Bendel's and Butter lost their attraction. The sole deeds you appeared to enjoy were Maoism books, Yo-Yo Ma and Glen Gloud's music —anything related to the boy with long hair and a mustard jacket. But Bodevan was right to an extent. When you saw Ethan's face amongst the crowd at JFK, your first instinct was to deny it all, settled to forget Namibia and the eccentric doctor that spent his nights restlessly sleeping in a sofá of a combi-turned-reception. So you found yourself in Manhattan, wanting to convert the shores in the city, mixing the sky with the Atlantic sea, letting Bo escape as you agreed to lose him. Problem was, despite your efforts, Ethan's caresses couldn't erase the trace of Bodevan. Inside Ethan's bed, wrapped underneath Ethan's sheets and Ethan's arms, your heart still belong to Bodevan. You started drowning in photos, dreams, songs, memories that connected you to him, and even though you couldn't understand it, you began to feel insane. How could you deceive your soul? It was evident, Bodevan Cash held it under his possession. No matter how many times, how many people said you were drowning in an empty glass because there was no comparison between Ethan Gandy and some unknown, weird-named joke of a Doctor [in their exact words], you couldn't forget the night he kissed you and laid you down on the sand. Both them and Ethan, and your family, and even your own subconscious —you wanted to shut them all up, arguing you've forgotten him, that Bodevan was meaningless to your life and to your heart. The thing is, he wasn't... He taught you to stole the seconds away from time, to admire the sky, to say little white lies if it meant to spend more time with him, and to replace words with stares. You learnt more than a thousand ways to kiss, thanks to Bo, and it was because of him that you discovered what is to truly love. He forgot one final instruction though because you still didn't know how to live without him. Your mouth dreamed it kissed him, coffee tasted like sorrow and you couldn't gulp a single sip without recalling the mornings in your cabin, writing words into Bodevan's skin. Yet, it took you, eight more Sundays to finally break things off with Ethan. He didn't yell, you didn't cry, neither even mentioned Bodevan. Deep in your soul, though, you knew you've finally managed to let go of his hand due to an email you got from Namibia, where Bodevan stated that if you still thought about him, be assured that he still waited for you. Bo's words didn't push you out of Ethan to come running back to África, but they hit you the strong enough to make you realize, you were hurting people you loved and cared about. To finally be able to be with any of them, first, you needed to be with yourself, and let go of Namibia's rendezvouses and Ethan's divorce. You kissed Ethan one last time, you made love to him till the early hours of the morning, and after he said, "I'll love you forever, even when we're not together." And you responded, "Me too." You left. 

Today, almost six months later, you're about to start a new chapter in your life. You left New York, only this time you weren't running away from a lie, or trying to figure yourself out. You are where you stand, to follow the dreams you've finally discovered. There's no ring around your finger, there is no remorse of what you left behind at your studio in Dumbo, neither on the apartment at the Upper East Side, where you seemed to spend more nights than in your own. The sky complains above you, roaring and ready to let free all the tears condensed inside black clouds. You're facing what —hopefully— will be the rest of your life, the future you are sure to desire. Instead of feeling nervous, you're overwhelmed by happiness. This time you are confident. It took you a long time, but now you can firmly express what you want, what you need, what you believe. You don't believe the sea will ever lose the taste of salt. You don't believe in luck, or in miracles. You don't believe in Karl Marx's ideas. You don't believe in the principles of Maoism. You don't believe in God.And certainly, you don't believe in coincidences. Everything happens for a reason. So be it. With a deep breath, you walk into your future. You pass by the Australian boy who just had a heart transplant and the happy nurse feeding him breakfast. A smile curves your lips when a blue-eyed doctor nods in the direction of the beach, encouraging you to follow the path of shells and seaweed. You take off your sandals and allow your toes to relish in the sensation of the wet sand beneath. But the joy turns mundane when your eyes spot your very own belief. Yes, you believe in medicine. Moreover, you believe in his shy smile, in the kisses he gifts you, in everything he says. And in his morning-sky gaze. Bodevan hasn't seen you yet, he is standing at the shore, eyes closed and slowly breathing in and out. You try not to make noise, but you hurry because he's waiting there and you genuinely hope he's waiting for you. Once you're close enough to touch him, you hesitate, fearful that he will vanish at your touch because you've ached for him so long that it just hit you this might be a dream. And you're not in Namibia, and he's not here, and you're still laying down in Ethan's bed. But he is breathing, and he smells like vanilla and pinecones, and when your trembling fingertips write a greeting over the skin of his back, he turns around immediately. You're not dreaming anymore, he is real, but who's thinking the contrary seems to be him. Bodevan's ocean eyes are decorated with purple bags under it, and around his irises, sadness traces can be tracked easily. It takes one look at this boy to realize wherever he is, you'll go. He is your home. Your happy place. He is spring, a stairway straight to heaven, and you want to walk with him forever. He has given you so much, and you wanna give him so many more in return. You wanna be his ray of sunshine, the chords on his guitar, the cub of sugar in his coffee. The reason for his smile, not his heartache. "Please, I beg you, tell me you're real," Bo whispers in a very careful thread of words. "I haven't slept in days." A timorous hand reaches out to rest over his face, tenderly, "I am. I am here, Bo." "I believed you weren't coming back. That what we were, time left it behind." "I was an idiot," you answer. "I wrote to you emails that I never sent." Bodevan shakes his head, incredulous and almost giggling, "It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter, really. If you're here to stay."He is afraid of your answer, you know it, and you want to ease it all away with pampering kisses all over his face. But you know he needs the reassurance od promises and words. "Are you? Truthfully?" "I am. Truthfully." "One last thing," he says, his usual shy eyes facing you in bravery. "You love me. Truth or Untruth?" "Truth," you whisper, no hesitation in your voice. You could live without Ethan, you could live without New York, hell, you could even live without medicine. As long as you have Bodevan, and the haven that is his arms around your waist, and his kisses... Yes, you depend on him. And if you still have him left, then you have life. "More than anything and anyone. Above everything." Water starts to pour, and you bless the rains down in Africa, for always being a witness, as Bodevan cups your face to bring your lips together, and never let you go.

[reallydumbdannyphantomaus]

Holiday Truce ficlet for @schwoopsiedoodles who requested the trio + Jazz starting a DnD group–which, yes, is largely based off my own experiences as a dm (take a wild guess as to which character is @lexosaurus)–but hopefully is amusing all the same!

“Can I make a vibe check?”

Jazz took a deep breath. Held it. Let it out, nice and slow. “No, but you can roll a perception check.”

“That’s what I said.” Danny picked up his twenty-sided die and tossed it on the table. It landed on a four. “Aaaaand with a minus one modifier, that’s a three!”

Jazz scribbled something on her notepad. It was a reminder to pick up some chocolates for Mom’s stocking—but her party didn’t need to know that. “Well,” she said, “you’re fairly certain you’re in a building of some kind.”

“Can I make a vibe check?”

“No, you cannot, Tucker.”

“Whaaaat? I’m pretty sure you have to let us make vibe checks whenever we want.”

“No, I do not, because there is no such thing as a ‘vibe check.’”

“Jaaaa-aaazzzz.”

Sam rolled her eyes. “Tucker, just call it a fucking perception check so we can move on.”

Tucker heaved a sigh. “Fiiiiiiine. Can I roll a per—”

“As you all stand around arguing, a patrol of knights comes into the hallway. None of you saw them coming, so they each get a surprise round.” Jazz sniggered to herself as she rolled the three knights’ attacks. Maybe this would teach them to torment their loving and doting Dungeon Master, who put this game together out of the goodness of her heart.

They were the ones who’d come to her, after all, begging her to be their DM since none of them knew how to play. She’d spent weeks coming up with the perfect campaign, and while it had been… entertaining… their shenanigans were a little much for her at times. 

Sam was the easiest to handle, but she still liked to have her half-orc cleric yelling about the values of democracy in the village square as the king’s guard came past. Darlene was ferocious and passionate and very angry—much like Sam herself.

Danny, on the other hand, was role-playing a coward. Sid Sitswell was a gnome rogue who hid in Darlene’s robes when fighting happened. Despite being a tiny coward, the character refused to wear a shirt so everyone could “appreciate their sexy, sexy pecs, geez Jazz.” He also started the stupid vibe check thing, and Jazz would never forgive him for that.

Tucker, though. Tucker decided early on that his character had a grudge against all forms of vegetation, and it was all downhill from there. Onyun tore up random fields with his axe. He asked every single NPC they ever met for milk, only to pour it on the ground or stick it in his bag to get sour. He chopped off a goblin head and stuck it on his pike, then moved the mouth like it was talking whenever he spoke. He gave every one of her NPCs stupid nicknames and got Sam and Danny to call them those names as well. She couldn’t even remember some of their real names now. Who was Crayon originally? It might have been the blacksmith Kor, but she couldn’t be sure.

And okay, this surprise round wouldn’t actually deter them from being horrible little monsters, but it would give her just the slightest bit of satisfaction.

“Hey!” Tucker pouted. “This is discrimination. I asked for a vibe check.”

Jazz was gracious enough to ignore that.

It was a tough round of combat, made tougher by the surprise round. Coming out of it, Danny and Sam’s characters had seven hit points between them. Tucker faired a little better with eight hit points, but they’d only just entered this castle. 

It looked like she’d have to scale back her plans a bit, or else she’d kill them.

“Fuck,” Danny said. “We are not good at this game.”

“All right, so you all look down the hallway and see two doors—”

“I kick open the door on the right,” Tucker said.

Jazz pinched the bridge of her nose. “Roll a strength check, I guess.”

The die clattered on the table. “Seventeen! Plus three! Boo-yah!”

“Okay, so you kick the door open, setting off the tripwire explosive. Take two d10 damage. Danny and Sam, y’all are far enough back.”

“Way to go, Tucker,” Sam said, smirking.

“Please roll two ones, please roll two ones.” Tucker brought the dice to his mouth, blowing, before tossing them out. A four and a three. “Well, shit. So much for me having the most HP. I’m down to one.”

“I guess we should go into this room you almost died opening for us, then,” Danny said.

“I’m going to check it for any more traps before stepping inside.” Sam rolled a d20. “I got a sixteen.”

“Yeah, the explosive was the only trap. It’s safe now.”

Tucker stood up and bowed. “You’re welcome.”

“For what?” Danny said.

“We could’ve disarmed the bomb and avoided any damage if you had waited, idiot.”

“You’re just jealous.”

“Of what?”

Jazz cleared her throat. “You enter into the next room, surrounded by clouds of dust. As the air clears, you notice that the room seems to be a storage room. A pantry, to be more specific.”

Sam groans. “All that for a pantry?”

“Hey, is there any—”

“No, Tucker.”

“But you didn’t let me—”

 “I said no! This is a pantry, not any kind of refrigerator. It has like, bread and dried meat and stuff.”

“Are you sure—”

“Yes! I’m sure that there is no milk! In fact, there is no milk anywhere in this entire fucking castle! The Lord of this land hates milk! He slaughtered every cow, every goat and sheep he could get his grubby little hands on to ensure that there is no milk in this province, and there never will be again! You couldn’t find milk anywhere within a hundred miles of this castle if you searched for a year! There is! No! Milk!”

Jazz punctuated her point by standing up and slamming her hand down on the table, causing her players to jump. When Sam looked up at her, Jazz could’ve sworn she saw stars in her eyes.

“I’ve never admired you more than right now,” Sam said.

“Quick question,” Tucker said.

Jazz groaned.

“If there’s no milk within a hundred miles… what about breast milk? Or was breastfeeding outlawed?”

Jazz stared at him, jaw dropping. Biting back a scream, she consulted her notes and a light went off in her head. “Oh gee, lookee here. Looks like one of the stones in the ceiling is loose right over Tucker’s head and it’s falling and it fell and it crushed Onyun to death and now he’s dead.”

“Shouldn’t—shouldn’t I be able to roll to avoid that? Or something?”

“Nope!” Jazz said, closing her DM screen. “Oh well, see you all next week. Tucker, you better get started on making a new character.”

“You’re not serious, are you?”

“See you next week!” Jazz pushed them out of the room and slammed the door behind them.

“That was a joke, right?” Tucker said from the other side of the door. “Jazz?”

Jazz slid down the wall, head in her hand. “What have I gotten myself into?”

[spiderdreamer-blog]

DuckTales Season 3 Premiere Reviews: “Challenge of the Senior Junior Woodchucks!”, “Quack Pack!”

Been a while since I’ve done one of these, hasn’t it? Thankfully, Frank Angones and Matt Youngberg’s DuckTales has remained at a pretty high level of quality since I last peeked in review-wise on early season 1: the kinks have pretty much all been ironed out, there’s been no episodes I can say are really bad even if some don’t quite rise as high in my esteem as others, and the additions it’s made to its own universe and the larger Duck canon have been brilliant. Della Duck in particular is a fantastic and layered adult character, a kind you’re seeing more of in children’s series lately: a flawed parent, but one who is no less loving for her flaws. And of course, its increasing deep-cuts from the rest of the Disney Afternoon have been terrific; the twist with how Darkwing Duck would fit into this universe blindsided me in the best ways, and I can’t wait to see how further additions like Rescue Rangers or more of the TaleSpin crew will fit into things this season. For the moment, we have the two premiere episodes, which see DuckTales operating at its full strengths and providing some fascinating hints at where we’ll be headed.

First is “Challenge of the Senior Junior Woodchucks”, which evidently was not the first episode produced for the season, but fits in perfectly as a re-introduction to the characters and their new dynamics, as well as who will be taking the main thematic focus this season: Huey Duck. He’s a character who hasn’t exactly LACKED focus in the previous two seasons or episodes to himself, but they primarily focused on larger developments for his siblings: in season 1, Dewey drove much of the search for his mother Della, and in season 2, Louie attempted to figure out what he wanted to do with his life. And I think Huey has been an immensely entertaining character in his anal fastidiousness and Danny Pudi’s increasingly stressed and hilarious performance. But one definitely got the sense that the crew had something larger planned out for him eventually, and here, Pudi gets to start to mine those new depths that were only hinted at before: if he’s not the smartest, most skillful Junior Woodchuck or person, then who is he?

This question is challenged here by Violet Sabrewing (Libe Barer, delightfully deadpan as ever), Lena and Webby’s friend who was brought into the group in season 2 as an Egon Spengler-esque supernatural enthusiast and now seems to be a Woodchuck (which Huey promptly lampshades, having not seen her in this capacity before). They’re competing to be a new “senior Woodchuck”, which definitely goes farther in terms of rank advancement than I ever had to do as a Boy Scout, but is in keeping with the DuckTales spirit; of course the final challenge would be a rickety bridge over a lava lake. It’s fun to see new sides to Violet’s character as well: the previously seen drive and essential decency is ported over into her meticulously following the Woodchuck rules like giving Huey advice and assistance even as they compete, or pondering if her smack talk is good enough on the advice of Lena (who seems to have been adopted by Violet and her two dads, a nice bit of background rep). And Huey ultimately gets a good lesson out of the endeavor after driving himself to distraction through trying to beat her and a self-described “mental breakdown” that sees him hallucinate a personified guidebook (voiced plummily by the always welcome Stephen Root): it’s okay to fail. In fact, failure can be just as important and valuable an experience as success, as well as keeping you true to yourself and your values. Like with Scrooge or Louie, the show frowns upon taking shortcuts that undercut or exploit other people, and I think that’s important to keep in mind for the kids watching in particular.

The B-plot of the episode is pretty entertaining as well, with the rest of the family caught up in a side adventure involving a map created by Isabella Finch, a Woodchuck legend who inspired Scrooge as a boy (which I think is a nice and even slightly subversive touch for a classically swaggering, macho male adventurer like him). There’s a lot of fun to be had as Scrooge attempts to keep everyone on task while they keep getting distracted by the colorful song-and-dance Tittertwill bird (in a truly deep cut, this is a creature from a Woodchuck-themed attraction at Tokyo Disneyland that I had certainly never heard of). It’s also great to see Della fully integrated into the group as both a proud mama for Huey (especially since she was a Woodchuck herself) and a fellow adventurer/sibling to Donald as she squabbles with him.  While Scrooge has to be reminded of his own lesson, that being an adventurer is about going off the beaten path instead of going in a straight line, this is amusing rather than feeling like amnesia as he scoffs at that idea and wonders who told the family that nonsense: “*in unison* YOU did.” But of course, nothing’s ever that simple in this series, and the Tittertwill ultimately leads them to the season’s new overarching adventure: a list of mysteries and treasures Finch never got to discover in her life. And as the shadowy agents of F.O.W.L. (first introduced in the stinger of season 2, and where we learned that Scrooge’s board of buzzard directors had been leading this cabal of recurring and newly introduced villains the whole time) muse in the close: ”Then the race....is on.”

And then you have “Quack Pack!”, which is tailor made for a viewer like me in its combination of deep cut references and comedy based on the uncanny valley sitcom aesthetic of the 80s and 90s (I felt slightly called out by Gene musing that 1990 was a “far ago year” given I turn 30 in four days from the time of this review). It centers around Donald having accidentally made a wish on Gene the Genie’s lamp (Jaleel White, who I did not realize I missed this much as a media presence) to have a “normal” life, which in Gene’s mind translates to a late 80s/early 90s style family sitcom, complete with laugh track, edits, and montages as they prepare to take a family picture. What’s most impressive about this tactic is that in addition to being funny, it also provides a noticeable sense of unease and genuine tension. I’m a great fan and aficionado of many of those sitcoms, especially the better examples like Boy Meets World, but there’s something just a little eerie and plastic about them in their vision of American suburbia (the Full House sequel Fuller House demonstrated this ably in being remarkably unsettling in its retrograde-ness).

Of course, there’s fun to be had as the characters grapple with this, not catching on at first as the laughs come in. The fun thing about these scenes is that the characters are actually just barely exaggerated from their canon selves: Della has a darkly hilarious runner about “BACK ON THE MOON” that culminates in her firing off a haunted line about her soul-crushing loneliness, Louie’s lines could just as well be “canon” in his lazy snark, Scrooge would absolutely consider charging money to watch Della jump off the roof for a half-second, Webby would absolutely ponder the practical uses of a meat tenderizer on human (duck?) flesh, and Dewey naturally embraces the showmanship like, well, a duck to water (I refuse to apologize). But Huey takes the lead again when he realizes his beloved guidebook is blank, and he cries out in horror as the laugh track incessantly bears down on him or other sitcom tropes like Goofy in full Goof Troop/Goofy Movie mode dropping in as the Wacky Neighbor make themselves known.

And then things get....weirder as Huey challenges the others to look at the “fourth wall”, only to see an audience of humans and a camera crew staring back at them and laughing (Della: “Okay, that IS a little weird”). The wish is revealed and Gene proves to be surprisingly benevolent, only wishing to help Donald and spelling out the exact terms. Donald has to WANT the wish to stop. He refuses, preferring this “normal” life for them where nobody gets hurt or lost and things resolve themselves easily (notably, he also has a more “normal” voice, Don Cheadle returning from the season 1 finale with his heroic, smooth tones and proving an able fit for the sitcom riffs).

But of course, what IS normal for their lives? Adventure and danger, and Donald’s core conflict in this series has always been wanting to keep his children and family safe while being unable to deny that they’re always going to WANT to go on a grand adventure. This manifests itself in a touching scene between him and Goofy, who proves to be real/brought in specifically by Gene as a “guest star”. Goofy observes that the best photos are not perfectly poised and posed, but ones with real memories attached, even if they might be embarrassing or dangerous. So Donald learns from that, and we get a great climactic battle with some truly nightmarish humans that Huey accurately pegs as “flesh-faced monsters”.

DuckTales has always been a fantastic reboot, but I think this new season might shape up to be its best yet. It has reached a comfort level with its cast and world to the point where nothing is seemingly off the table anymore in terms of premise or potential character development, telling new kinds of stories now that everyone is finally, truly together. I for one can’t wait to see what they’ve got up their sleeve next.