#they would be so fucking heavy lol

[despairsquidward]

Hear me out -

Freddy Krueger, but instead of finger knives...

................they're broadswords.

[cheebuss]

Team Fourtrees 2 except Redclan Spoovy doodles... not canon for the AU or anything but life could be a dream...

[soups-archive]

Thoughts on Purgatory Day 4:

God what a fun day, and yet funnily enough a much more relaxed one.

It's gonna be interesting to see what the ramifications of blue's logout strat are gonna be because it's definitely going to be banned, but, from my understanding, blue used this strat to prove a point: that red's strategy was unfair.

Which is true, or at least I think it was true.

Personally, I feel like it was mostly unfair due to how difficult it used to be to get to global, but I feel like the admins have pretty fairly counteracted that and balanced things with today's introduction of the spawn portals.

Because with red's strat players HAD to physically travel to global and turn in the contracts within at least the last 30 minutes of gameplay. The portals now easily allow other teams to show up and at least put up a good fight, and we actually got to see how effective they are today with cellbit and charlie's assist they pulled for roier. If they had been just slightly quicker, green might've been able to steal back the win.

Which I think brings me to the other potentially unfair part of red's strat that I've seen be brought up which is that it isn't fair for streamers in European timezones/streamers who play earlier. Which is a fair criticism, but honestly I haven't personally been able to think of a way for the admins to balance the contracts around that without either: A) completely changing how contracts work, or B) unfairly punishing later streamers.

I think it's complicated, and I feel like the main thing that's gonna result from today isn't going to be them banning turning in tasks late but instead banning logging out right in front of the global NPCs. Knowing the admins, they'll probably figure out something I hadn't thought of and make the whole thing more fair for everyone.

Competition and lore wise, tomorrow is gonna be really interesting as well. A small alliance might be blooming between red and green and that might have massive ramifications going forward. That and I think (???????) that players might be getting their eggs tomorrow (?????). I know they described a period in which they had to keep them alive and the actual event ends on the 10th so I'm guessing they're arriving tomorrow. If they are, that shit is going to be crazy.

(Side note: It was also a delight to see teams casually hanging out more together today. As much as I enjoy the competition, I missed them all just chilling)

Overall, congrats blue on the win! Cheesy as fuck and they knew it but it was absolutely deserved! They worked their asses off! And green put up a hell of a fight! I hope they get their chance to win as well tomorrow!

[icewindandboringhorror]

sometimes looking at like Self Help Strategies lists for the symptoms I'm having is always just like:

thing that I already do

thing I have tried 10 times

thing I already do

thing that I don't have the money to do

thing I already do

thing I've been doing since I was 10yrs old to no avail

thing that is impossible given my situation

thing that doesn't apply to me

thing that I already do

thing I have already tried

hrmm, oh wait, maybe finally- OH, yeah.. okay. thing that I already do but it was just phrased slightly differently

thing I have already done

[aboveweirdest]

Make yourself and your younger self

Tagged by @cordlessmurder thx babe i spent way too long on this lol it was fun

I always feel weird tagging ppl but @lemmejustpulloutmylightsaber @shinybulbasaur @fandomrecycling @i-belong-to-heaven-and-earth

I hope it's cool if i throw this at you guys. If you want of course! Otherwise it's just a fun site to play with

[smolmakerel]

You know what? I live for the Black Widow AU that I saw floating around some time ago (I don't know if it's still a thing). It's such an interesting concept, and it got me thinking of another AU.

Captain America AU

Imagine, it's the early 20th century and WW2 is just starting, but women were allowed to fight in the army. There in NYC are the Carpenter sisters.

Tara Carpenter is a sickly little thing. She has asthma, was born early, and is always ready to pick a fight with people much bigger and stronger than her. She looks up to her sister Sam and is desperate to fight in the war with her when Sam volunteers.

Samantha Carpenter is a perfectly healthy woman. She's been working her way up the ranks of the U.S. military to become one of the people to put an end to the war. She worries that if she doesn't hurry, the opposing side might nuke the United States and Tara -

Tara might die.

But Tara wasn't afraid of death.

It took a lot of perjury, but Tara managed to enlist in the army with the help of a certain doctor (whose name I'm too lazy to look up rn). Seeing such a thin, sickly girl in the army, the other recruits and higher ups don't believe in her.

Despite their lack of faith, Tara has heart. And with her heart, she was recruited for a secret program. She was going to become a super soldier.

She signed on to be a lab rat of sorts. It hurt, the administration of the serum, but she came out...

Looking exactly the same. But on the plus side, she has better reflexes, stamina, and no asthma! Sam was going to be so proud of her when they finally met up.

Only for disaster to strike.

Sam, trying to protect Tara, ended up being thrown from a train and off the side of a mountain. Tara, devastated with the loss of her sister, was determined to end it all.

And end it she did. Only, Tara didn't expect to wake up nearly a century later in modern America. S.H.I.E.L.D. was eager to recruit her into this "Avengers Protocol", or whatever.

She also didn't expect H.Y.D.R.A. would come back with a familiar brunette on their side. Her left arm shines with metal, and her eyes became hardened over the years.

Tara knows this is Sam, her older sister who she thought she lost forever. The person she would die for.

They call her the Ghost Face now, but Tara knows Sam is still in there.

Why would the Ghost Face hesitate multiple times to kill her otherwise?

[dazais-guardian-angel]

honestly, episodes like this that are so stellar in almost every way just make it all the more frustrating when bones fucks up so bad other times. Like the quality of season 4 has probably been the most consistently good the anime has been since season 2, and yet the entire series still on average just reeks of tonal issues, pacing issues, wonky expressions that don’t do Harukawa’s art justice, cutting of crucial scenes or internal dialogue, and straight-up just completely missing the point and nuances of so many moments in the manga/light novels.

BSD has always been dark and gritty to an extent, but the anime has always been too “fluffy” (for lack of a better word, or I guess shounen-y) to truly understand and capture that, and it’s so frustrating when episodes like this one and Mushitarou’s episodes clearly DID have a lot of love and understanding and attention to detail put into them. Even the Dark Era episodes, which is my favorite and what I consider to be the best story content in the entire franchise, are imo honestly outclassed by the aforementioned episodes purely in terms of adaptation. But then episode 6 this season was incredibly rushed, and Dazai’s arrest scene completely butchered (and Nikolai’s bird speech, to an extent). Atsushi hallucinating Dazai in episode 8 was mediocre as well. Kunikida always has his core character moments shafted. Dazai is never allowed to be vulnerable or “uncool”. Season 3 had “Portrait of a Father” aka arguably one of the most important and most powerful chapters in the entire manga up there with Yosano’s backstory chapters, and yet it’s absolutely the most pathetic, hollow shell of an “adaptation” I’ve ever seen in my life and yes I WILL forever be salty about it.

But then they pull an episode like this out of their asses, where they actually tried. It’s so frustrating. </3

[larsnicklas]

i don’t really have the brainpower right now that would be required to talk about the persistent and pervasive attitude among so many hockey fans that swedes are soft and/or lazy unlike their good hardworking canadian compatriots but i have to say it is exhausting!!! it is 2024 we have to let go of these stereotypes lmao

[orcelito]

ok SO i went and got out Most of my knives (i remembered I have a nonbinary knife only after i took the photos & also idk where it is currently. just imagine all these plus a nonbinary flag knife ok? ok)

HERE ^ is the most of them, minus that nonbinary knife. look at that fuckin mess. 32 shown here (i think) plus my nonbinary knife makes 33 blades (minus cooking knives, i dont count those for these purposes)(also counting the swiss army knife as only 1 bc lol)

& some explanations for them! gonna put these under a readmore bc it got Kinda long on accident whoops. Read Ahead if u wanna see me nerd out about my knife collection.

STARTING WITH my big ones.

my spear (gifted to me), my cane sword (from anime convention), my shitty $20 sword (also from anime convention. low quality but cool as hell), my teal mini sword + matching throwing knives (from online), my decorative axe (from a local store), my twin blades (my sharpest blades, theyre actually kinda scary how sharp they are, but i love them bc of it. from online), red saber (from online),

ANDDDDDDDDDDDD my favorite hefty bitch of a machete that i sleep with in my bed frame on the very right (inherited from my grandpa bc i was the first one who spotted it at Family Claiming Day)(this thing really is as long as my leg & much heavier than Any of the rest of the blades pictured here. i love it)

another view of the blades so u can better see how long they are. the big boys. they're lovely. 2nd heaviest blade is the cane sword when it's in its cane, mostly bc that handle has some Heft. tbh id feel safer using it as a bludgeoning weapon than a stabbing weapon, but having a cane sword is just plain cool

AND my smaller blades!

i have a lot of pocket knives. starting from the top left: golden pocket knife (from online), rainbow dragon (from online), rainbow HEFTY boy (heaviest pocket knife, from online), spider knife (from online), stiletto jade (from online), pathetic army boy (from local store, this knife has NO redeeming qualities, but it's mine <3), black stiletto (from local store), plain dagger man (from online), my damascus steel knife (was a gift, probably my singular most expensive knife. fancy boy), Dull Dagger Man (first blade i ever bought, from anime convention)

& for bottom row: teeny black knife (first pocket knife i owned, gift from my dad), lil rainbow knife (from local store), plain steel knife (from sketchy shop in gatlinburg + one of my Favorite knives), green dragon knife (from online, a real beaut), triple throwing knives (also from same sketchy shop in gatlinburg), the baby throwing knives again from the Big Boys pic but i included them again bc they r so teeny tiny, my keychain key blade (from online), swiss army knife (from online), & the pair of claw keychain baldes (from online)

many blades, many stories, so little time. theyre great tho.

SOME FOCUSES:

^ these are all my spring-assisted knives, sorted from worst feel to best feel to open. based on quickness, ease, & general satisfaction. leftmost is leftmost bc i didnt even Know it was spring assisted, bc it doesnt have a nice lil tab on the back to press. no u gotta press on one of the rungs. but once u do it Does spring open, so i included it. next 3 are just Average in feel (these 3 are sibling blades anyways, nice of them to be together). jade stiletto is smooth and quick, nice to open. Hefty Boy rainbow has some THUNK to it when i open it. like that babey's got PURPOSE to it. added to the general size of it & it's just pretty great. AND THEN MY TWO FAVS, green dragon is a perfect beautiful knife & feels very great to open. and then Steel Sketchy Knife aka my 2nd pocket knife & first i bought for myself. it looks plain in comparison to the others, but she's anything But. quick, light, Sharp. it has the Best feel to open, bc it's just a fast SHHK. probably my knife that's seen the most use (aside from my small black knife) just bc of how great it feels to open. i love that knife so much for Real.

& the final highlight, somewhat related, are the knives I actually use the most in my daily life!

on the left are the knives I keep in my bag by default, & thus the ones I carry with me Everywhere i go. small black pocket knife bc she's Ol' Faithful, & a pretty lowkey knife for basic tasks when I dont wanna raise any eyebrows lol. silver knife bc as previously stated i Love using it so much. i take it out when i gotta breakdown a lot of boxes at work, & it Never disappoints. small rainbow keychain key knife bc it's cute & i like to keep it on my keychain. & swiss army knife bc Obviously im gonna keep the swiss army knife in my bag for if i need an emergency tool.

on the right are the three knives I keep out in my apartment. black stiletto lives on my bathroom counter, for bathroom knife needs. green stiletto i keep on my table next to where I hang out in my bedroom, for any couch time needs. & then green dragon beaut camps out on top of some shelves by my front door bc it's Great for opening boxes, aka something I will do for packages I receive after pulling them in the front door. it works for me.

all the rest of my knives live either in a box (for small ones) or my closet (for big ones). i may have a lot of knives, but somehow I never feel like i have enough. i just love collecting them so much <3

[will80sbyers]

people are being excessively mean to others for clout on places like tiktok and twitter in instances where there is literally no reason to respond in a mean way and I don't think I will ever get it like is it that they need likes for validation because they feel extremely lonely in real life because real life connections with people are rare and the pandemic made things worse and so ganging up on people online with others makes them feel like they are part of something even if that something is negative and is possibly bringing another person to experience extremely negative feelings about themselves or are all these people just a bunch of coward assholes

[morn1e]

a pt2 if u will 2 my last pathetic malewife boyfriend benson memes post

[onlineproblems]

ok not to be a mommy issues bitch but i was working on my story that i've been trying to write for like 3 years. and thinking about my mom. and wondering why i feel so much angrier at my mom than my dad, though they both wronged me. in different ways which arent really comparable but neither one more or less than the other.

my dad was distant and never praised me, always had criticism, higher standards for me to meet, and rarely told me he loved me, was the disciplinarian parent who wasn't involved in parenting unless it was to punish us. he's very different now that we're adults and i think he's realized that he won't have a relationship with his kids if he keeps acting that way, because he texts me often to tell me how much he appreciates and loves me. and although he knows i'm a godless atheist liberal, and he always tries to work god bullshit into the conversation, he basically still accepts me.

meanwhile my mom would always talk to me growing up -- about whatever, her frustrations with my dad, emotional stuff, our interests, religion, etc. we didn't get super deep because even when i was a christian i didn't share much with my family, but i was closer with my mom than my dad. i thought of her as more open-minded than my dad, but suddenly it was like a turn-around happened (or i just became more aware) and she was suddenly spouting low-key alt-right anti-vax, homophobic, end times bullshit and it kind of sucker-punched me to hear it from her. if i ever thought i could come out to her, i was quickly disillusioned. she said something like 'god would cause gay people to die sooner so that they wouldn't keep sinning' and i just had no response. she got her counseling license this year; she's a marriage and family therapist. fuck.

she's divorcing my dad which i think is a good thing; their marriage was not happy. he was basically incapable of expressing his emotions and he didn't mistreat her but he definitely didn't treat her right. he has decades of unprocessed trauma and he can't stop watching porn. i discovered it on the family computer when i was 10 years old. he tried to commit suicide five years ago. he locks up his computer and tells his whole church about it for 'accountability' and punishes himself but he can't stop. i don't know what the fuck went wrong with him. my mom won't tell me what happened to him but she's implied that he might have been molested or had something similar happen as a kid. i don't fucking know. how they've been married for 30 years i have no idea.

i have compassion for them both but i hate they way their bullshit has affected me and my brothers. my dad's inability to cope prevented him from taking care of us. my special needs brother went without the care he needed because my dad wouldn't leave his work in rural africa, because he was afraid of living in the us and feeling inadequate. he was an expert in his field there, but in america he was just another guy. i was depressed and suicidal and untreated and my mom probably was too but her ideology didn't allow her to disagree with her husband, so we stayed. and i hate her for that. for never challenging him, for just bending to his will when we all needed help. when my brother needed medical care that wasn't available where we lived.

i feel stunted, my emotional development so behind where i could be if i was allowed to interact with my peers during my formative years, because of my parents. our house had a yard with 8-foot walls around it and i never left there except to go to church. i had to cover my body for 'modesty.' i hated my body. i had an eating disorder. i was afraid of other people. i couldn't make friends. without going into detail, there were times i felt exposed to predatory men when i should have been protected by my parents.

and like....my dad should have taken responsibility, he should have woken the fuck up and cared for us instead of being in his own head all the time. i feel like i should be angrier at him and hate him more. why is my hatred more for my mom? is it because we were closer, so the betrayal feels deeper? is it because he's making a real effort now, actually putting work in to change the behaviors that harmed me, while my mom seems to have no awareness that she caused harm? i mean, she blames everything on my dad and doesn't really take any responsibility. i started cutting in college and she lamented to me last year that she ''really wanted to move back to be with me" but my dad didn't want to come and "she didn't know what cutting was". her excuse was she had never heard of cutting, and her husband said no.

she's had so many missed opportunities to care for and support me. i've been open with her about what i believe in, what i want to do, how i've changed, and her responses seem perfunctory, while my dad actually seems to take an interest in me even if he disagrees with most of my beliefs. i guess i feel like it's more important to me that he's actually trying now even if i don't think he'll ever really change. the effort is what matters to me. i don't think my mom is interested in trying -- it doesn't feel like she is. but i don't know. it just feel wrong to hate her so much more than him. it seems disproportionate.

i've spent time in therapy for most of these experiences so i'm not horribly affected by them anymore, and being an adult and having distance from my parents means it doesn't cause the agony it did when i was a teenager, but as they're divorcing this year it is bringing this sense of 'choosing sides' a bit closer. so a lot of memories are coming back up. in 2021 i spent like 4-5 months processing ptsd from my childhood and now i feel a little residual angst from it.

i'm a functional adult, and i'm pretty happy day-to-day. i know everyone has their own issues and traumas that inform their lives that we just don't see, nobody has it all together, and i try to keep that in mind and be merciful to myself when i feel like i should be...idk better at life. it's pointless to think about what-ifs and i don't, really, but i am pretty bitter and angry about how my parents could have spared me a lot of pain when i was young and had little control over the way my life went. i never want to have kids, for a lot of reasons, but i can't imagine giving birth to a child and not being intentional about the way you care for them, knowing that it's inevitable you'll fuck up, but wanting to be as informed as possible and giving them the best you possibly can because they're basically helpless. you can't be selfish when you're a parent. if you have a kid simply because that's what you're supposed to do, what the fuck are you doing? that's a person. i look at the children i know, or at my younger siblings, and i can't imagine not sacrificing my desires to care for them. abstractly, i don't like kids and i feel awkward around them, but jesus christ. your own child? especially if you chose to have that child? you're just going to sit back and let them suffer, because you don't want to be uncomfortable? don't have a kid if you can't handle it.

sometimes i wonder if i'll ever be normal enough to feel safe by myself, after my experiences with predators that my parents didn't protect me from. if i can leave my house alone and not feel a little bit of panic under the surface. i'm hopeful since i've made progress over the years, but it comes in waves -- grows and fades. i wonder if i'll stop automatically going on the defensive when certain subjects come up. if i'll stop having nightmares about being sent to hell and my mom telling me she was right all along. i wonder if i'll ever be able to feel normal about having a disagreement with someone i care about, without feeling like i'm sinning, like i need to be punished or i need to absolve myself because i'm so used to emotional abuse and neglect from my parents and church and 'god' that it informs my interactions with friends and especially my spouse. creeps in when i'm vulnerable and makes me act horrible when i want to be well-adjusted and healthy.

this be the verse, eh? they fuck you up. they really really do. and this really got away from me but god i just had such an outpouring of thoughts. it was cathartic. and i can't journal so it all goes to tumblr lmao.

[rulesforthedance]

I didn't even fall, this is just what running in Forest Park is like between late September and late May 😑

[jorvikzelda]

In like a month and a week (okay that’s optimistic, fine, a month and almost two weeks lol) I will fully be able to afford the laptop I've wanted for MONTHS and genuinely I feel like I'm staring at such a bright future now. Maybe I'll be able to play SSO at more than 10fps... maybe I can play Sims at higher graphics settings... maybe I can, idk, get more than those two games or even just all my Sims expansion packs because I'll have 8 times the storage space... maybe I can have large spreadsheets open without breaking my laptop... or even two medium-load programs open at the same time.... the possibilities are truly endless

At least one laptop store had BETTER fucking do like a back to school sale or something. Cmon just give me 20-25% off. It's all I ask (I don't NEED the sale I could still afford it but it has been on frequent enough 20-25% sales that I will NOT buy it full price that would just be stupid)

[kimtranssexler]

It had been going so well and then I broke my eggshell and entered the world as a brontosaurus here’s my entire autobiography I was skinny at first then I got thick and then back to being skinny again like a brontosaurus life was devoid of purpose and so I joined the circus somehow they found it easy to ignore us people found it easy to ignore this brontosaurus you want to leave an impression you want to express an emotion you crave some attention and for this transgression you’ll be repayed when you fall and you fail and sink into depression

[kingdomoftyto]

Hey everyone how are you doing today because I'm uh. I'm??? I'm.

:^)

Yeah I'm!! really Going Through It, holy fuck