#still though. it’s interesting like. oh all the songs that encapsulate my entire being are considered fuck awful by people I know. hm. okay.

[kimtranssexler]

It had been going so well and then I broke my eggshell and entered the world as a brontosaurus here’s my entire autobiography I was skinny at first then I got thick and then back to being skinny again like a brontosaurus life was devoid of purpose and so I joined the circus somehow they found it easy to ignore us people found it easy to ignore this brontosaurus you want to leave an impression you want to express an emotion you crave some attention and for this transgression you’ll be repayed when you fall and you fail and sink into depression

[anidealiveson]

Thanksvember Master Post

Day 1 - Like Coming Home - It has a super rare “wholesome plot twist”! Without spoiling anything too huge, I really like that @julesherondalex took the time to talk about how important it is to take care of yourself first. You can’t love someone else properly, the way they deserve, if you don’t have that same love for yourself. I wasn’t expecting the heartbreaking scene, but the beautiful way in which that topic was was approached neither took away from the story or the joy.

Day 2 - Must Love Dogs - An incredibly fluffy (literally) fic that I loved reading. @rosehallshadowsinger did a really great job weaving Azriel and Elain’s canon personalities into this adorable AU scenario. It is obvious @rosehallshadowsinger took care to create believable personalities for two characters that didn’t get POVs in the books.

Day 3 - Striking Matches -  I have to say that I wasn’t at all attracted to an AU fic about firefighters. I was also not a big Rowaelin fan before that, but I was work procrastinating so I gave it a try. Wellll, 30 parts later, I found myself delighted at the writing and sad it was over. I couldn’t believe how well @shyvioletcat cat was able to entirely re-characterize these two into such a different setting, yet still retaining what made them popular in the books. Aelin was perfect in her role as a snarky schoolteacher irritating the stoic firefighter Rowan. And the descriptions of the kids lining up at the firehouse demonstration and Jake’s adorable prodding was icing on the cake.

Day 4 - Close Quarters -  I really loved the way @lady-therion wrote Nesta in this modern AU. I particularly like how she equates Nesta’s sometimes standoffish attitude as a very relatable personality trait. She has trouble reading people and gauging situations. It’s well written and the dialogue is unique for a plot that is common in ff!

Day 5 - Like A Lonely House - It’s got a colossal I love Lucy level misunderstanding mixed in with a lot of tension and angst. This Nesta that is full of sacrifice and duty and fire is how I imagine the Nesta who feels that she has a stake in the Fae world would be like. @featherymalignancy wove such a captivating new world in Macar, that it felt a lot like being introduced to the 8th court in the ACOTAR world.

Day 6 - Death Dance - There are several takes out there that touch on Nesta in the Ilyrian camps, but I love how @thewayshedreamed interpreted Nesta’s skills on the battlefield as a calculated dance. Nesta has always been a raging storm, but I love how @thewayshedreamed took care to show us a Nesta that channeled that storm into discipline. If SJM never intended to release a Nessian focused book, I would have considered this a satisfying end to their story.

Day 7 - One Night Standards - I love the way @sassyhobbits writes Aelin with her typical extremely sassy exterior, but also made sure to saddle her with a vulnerable side that runs deep. I normally don’t care for slow burns, but I like the pace of her relationship with Rowan here, and that they had to work hard at it. I also like the plot lines that involved their PR stunts and how the public grew to love them as well.

Day 8 - Goose Chasing - Its the most absurd plot of any fanfic I’ve read! The title is not figurative. Its really does involve chasing a goose. @rhysismydaddy did a fantastic job encapsulating the spirit of silly Cassian and grumpy Nesta in a situation they’d likely never find themselves in, yet making it entirely believable. 

Day 9 - Manon Chooses The Worst Babysitter Possible - It’s such a casual and fluffy and hilarious read. It was fun to read about a softer and more delicate Manon. Through this absurd mistake, @sarah-bae-maas did an excellent job really humanizing Manon and postulating a fun in-world domestic scenario. 

Day 10 - My Hunger Knows No Bounds -  @perseusannabeth manages to take a simple concept and weave a sweet narrative. I particularly love how @perseusannabeth incorporated her personal details into it and took the time to share her lovely culture with us.

Day 11 - Knowing me, Knowing you - We never got to actually see Aelin rule Terrasen (well we got a tinyyy bit) in the books. Though this was modern day, @nalgenewhore tells a fun story of what that could have been like.

Day 12 -  Forever (is a long time) - @noodlecatposts takes Elide and Lorcan’s completely polar opposite personalities and spins an interesting (and frankly quite adorable) story. All the rules crack me up. My favorite Lorcan is the one that reminds me of Luke Danes from Gilmore Girls. Currently, he is in the middle of grumpily fixing up her flooded room, so I am sure that my favorite parts are yet to come.

Day 13 - Go Your Own Way - I appreciate @tomtenadia for putting to words a scene that I desperately wanted in ACOWAR or even ACOFAS. A lovely parallel to an equally lovely Fleetwood mac song.

Day 14 - In Which She Makes A Friend - It is no surprise that the fandom wants Nesta to find her place in the Illyrian mountains and even bring about some social change with the female warriors. But the way @bookstantrash got there was such a wonderful and endearing journey. Big fan of the callbacks to how Kaelin was treated and the similarities to a certain Illyrian warrior was when he was younger. We got to see a sweet Nesta, who I’d like to think was attempting to make up for some of her regrets through taking care of Kaelin.

Day 15 - The Ranch - As a huge fan of Sweet Home Alabama, its should be no surprise that I loved this fic by @tacmc . I enjoyed the slow change that we saw in a stubborn Nesta as she opened up to this new way of life and reconnected with her sisters and found a home with Cassian.

Day 16 - Felons - Such a unique interpretation of Nesta and Cassian. I really like the self-sacrificing Nesta angle and @rhysismydaddy did a great job weaving intrigue into the unraveling of what we knew to be a her innocence. I never read The Witness, but this really made me want to.

Day 17 - Of Books and Timber - Cassian offers to build a shelf for Nesta. The way @duskandstarlight goes through the entire range of emotions through Nesta is brilliant. She starts out with cold indifference, but by the end, we get from her a sweet and tender gesture of gratitude. Showing that meeting each other halfway with small gestures is all they ever needed.

Day 18 - You Should Sleep In My Bed More Often - I absolutely loved this quick exchange between Nesta and Cassian after she accidentally injures him. I can’t believe how much I laughed out loud when Cassian said “I need you to protect me closer”. @charincharge​ perfectly captured the teasing childish essence of Cassian and Nesta’s hilarious victim-blaming was so on the nose that I might have thought this was taken right out of ACOSAF.

Day 19 - The Right Swipe - I really enjoyed this take on the inner circle mixed with the super modern online dating plot. I especially love that @redisriding created genuinely realistic characters (body issues, social anxiety etc). Great read!

Day 20 - Goldfish Prompt - What a fun read. I love how frantic and much personality Feyre had here. I love how dedicated to her fish she was, and how that made her super endearing. Cute read from @azrielsiphons

Day 21 - The One With The Snowstorm -  What I really like is that Cassian actually says that he is sorry for his part in Nesta’s exile. I am not bitter about it, but it was an interesting turn. They need to meet halfway here and I rarely see it so well written as @joysbell has done here!

Day 22 - Prompt - A lovely and cute and sweet prompt written by @crowsvalentine​! I love the ramp up of suspense just to get to the hilarious payoff. Its adorable and worth the quick read.

Day 23 - Fix It -  is one by @thewayshedreamed​ that I love in its simplicity. It’s a small little argument Cassian and Nesta get into, but its still compelling. It’s sweet and super endearing the way the two of them are written and the subtle way they work through it. Great read!

Day 24 - I Do Bad Things To You - The mob angle may have been done before, but I don’t think with as much care and regard that @tswaney17​ has been giving it. I how the canon personalities of the characters translate so well into this modern AU. Its very obvious that @tswaney17​ has done her research. I especially love all the details around Elain as a surgeon. The story is compelling and well written and every chapter has me wanting more.

Day 25 - Love Her Like She should Be Loved - This is an excellent fic that I really loved. @julemmaes did such a great job translating some of the canon tension from ACOFAS into a modern world. It’s ripe with emotion, drama and quite a bit of heart. I love how earnestly Cassian comes to Nesta’s defense even in the face of going against his entire family. I like the reference to some very real psychological struggles. I think a lot of people can relate to it.

Day 26 - Literally In Love - I really enjoy the subtle mystery that follows this entire journey. I enjoy that @julesherondalex keeps us guessing, while simultaneously weaving a sweet and tender story about two shy teachers and just a slew of mishaps worthy of a Shakespearian drama.

Day 27 - The Shadow Bond - I love Azriel, and this is such a wonderful fic by @radientwings​ focusing on how his shadows might work. His shadows are the one thing that I am most curious about him in the series, so it was lovely to read such a well written interpretation of them.

Day 28 - Exes and Oh’s - Just a shout out to @highqueenofelfhame​ for this lovely story about rekindling past love. I like that even though the plot was uncomplicated, the emotions were not. I love that Aelin didn’t have a perfect reason for what she did, but sometimes that is just how things are. This is a story about taking a second chance, whether it’s deserved or not.

Day 29 - Fever - I really love this fic called Fever. I enjoyed how @lady-therion​ portrayed Nesta. She hit the entire gammut of characteristics (snarky, worried, vulnerable, caring, short-tempered, flirty, you name it!) but it really worked here. I found this nurse Nesta to be endearing and relatable and the dynamic between her and Cassian was very sweet. Just go read the damned thing.

Day 30 - Baby Steps - I really really love this fic. @runesandfaes did such a great job in just so few words to show a really sweet moment between Chaol, Yrene and their daughter learning to walk. I love the parallel back to when Chaol was learning to walk and the cameo of the golden couch. So sweet.

[prose-for-hire]

Sweet Hummingbird

Pairing: Lorne x chubby!reader

Request: Hi! Sooo excited that requests are open! May i please request a plussize reader x Lorne fic? She's a newby in Angel team and has a very goofy and flirty personality, and like immediately hit it off with Lorne by saying smth silly like "green's is my favorite color" *wink-wink*. And it's goes on like this and it's kinda playfull jokes until months later Lorne hear her sing for the first time and like... realizeTM. Sorry if it's too specific, feel free to cut any part. Thank you anyway ♥ LY!

Requested by: @russianbutchcrushing

You were new. You hated introductions, they made you nervous. First impressions always counted and despite your natural gregarious personality. When you were younger, you were almost embarrassed to take up space, because you assumed your larger frame meant you were already taking up too much space already. But you had grown to become more confident. In yourself, in the fact that people would like you no matter what. Because you were so easy to get along with.

Angel had found you one evening, you had power. A kind of power that you weren’t sure what to do with. Until he had insisted he could help. You had heard of Wolfram and Hart and been nervous about them. You had heard bad things. But now he was in charge, he insisted you would be okay. That he wanted you as part of his team.

You had power to revive people. To heal them with your touch. You had never understood it and it had just grown since you were younger. But now you were going to be assisted. Given the tools to be able to do more good. To understand yourself and how you could help.

Angel had made introductions. They all appeared friendly and you nodded, smiling around the room. You spoke animatedly and they already started to become fond of you. You turned and Angel introduced a green demon. You intake a large amount of breath. You almost had to revive yourself as your heart began to beat irregularly. He was the most beautiful person you had ever seen.

“Lorne”

“Oh, hi! Y/n” You introduced yourself, “Green’s my favourite colour” You hinted with a smile, your hand still in his. Once you may have shied away from something like that. From being so overt. But you liked him, found him cute and you wanted to be upfront about it.

His eyes just widened and he nodded. Not sure how to take your words. He wasn’t used to people doing much other than stare or make some kind of rude comment. He looked at the ground and you let go of his hand.

You were instantly besotted by him. The feeling growing further as you got to know him. Were allowed to discover his personality. He was outgoing too and you could get lost for hours just speaking. Laughing and comparing experiences you had shared.

“What’s the word, sweet hummingbird?” You had whispered in his ear one afternoon. He had been taken aback. He usually used nicknames for people to make them more comfortable in conversation. Nobody had ever done this for him before.

You had settled into the team well. Your goofy personality and the light-hearted nature you adopted just worked so well. You especially got on with Lorne. You were made for each other, everyone thought so. But they didn’t want to push you. Letting you figure it all out by yourselves.

He had seen your power at work, you had left him in awe at your nature. Your large frame knelt before the wounded lawyer. He had gotten too worked up and became skewered by his client. You pressed your hands to the wound, the entire time whispering your comfort to the man. You had healed him but it had taken a lot out of you.

You were exhausted for the next two days. Barely able to move from bed. But you would do it over again. And he found himself falling deeper in love with you. With your selflessness.

He brought you soup. You had fast become friends but he fantasised about more. He wished to embrace you, hold you and tell you how much you meant to him. How much the way you treated him and everyone else in your life meant so much. He still didn’t see the way that you truly meant your flirtatious words.

He couldn’t dare hope, he just enjoyed being around you. Truth was that of course you adored him. Wanted to spend all of your time with him. His personality, he was so kind. Looked out for so many, cared for them.

Being an empath demon, he was (of course) naturally empathic. And your powers complimented each other. You were a healer. A caregiver. Someone that cared so deeply.

You began to slide into his office when you could. Seeking stolen moments with him. You always had a kind word for him.

“I love the jacket, it really brings out the colour of your eyes” You said softly. And he was rendered uncharacteristically speechless again, as he always was when you said these things.

You always greeted him with some kind of flirtatious comment, one he was used to by now but never truly understood. He always convinced himself you were merely being kind. That you greeted everyone in this way. But he still hung on to every word. Grasped to every syllable you spoke to him. At least, even if he knew it wasn’t real, he could pretend it was. He could curl up in bed, nestling comfortably in the thought of having you by his side. Really in love with him, not just being kind. Giddy with flirtation.

He felt caressed by just the thought of you. By your words. Finding solace in the way that you spoke to him, as if you believed you were truly equals. As if he wasn’t some light comedic relief that the humans could use to make themselves feel better.

Lorne didn’t realise you were being serious though. He wasn’t used to such attention. He assumed you were just like that, missing that you only ever directed these flirtations at him.

He was gazing at you again, you were stood near someone’s desk. He scanned his eyes over your plus-sized figure. He loved every inch of you, he was sure of it. Wished to cherish every inch. He didn’t understand how anybody could be anything other than in awe of you.

He walked up to you, rubbing his hands together. It was nerves today, he so wanted you to agree to what he was going to ask. Your face brightened as soon as you saw him approaching.

“It’s as if you want my heart to stop beating, beauty like yours should come with a warning sign” You smiled.

“Sing for me, sweetness?” He had asked it, more nervous than he had ever been before. He barely spoke above a whisper, with all of the noise going on around you. Busy bustling of the departments around you. People usually stared.

You both stood out to the others. To the ones that weren’t part of the core team. People were suspicious of you both, thought differently of you because of appearance or power. It didn’t matter why - they often would stare.

But you didn’t let it bother you, when you were stood with him nothing mattered. It was just you and him. So as soon as he said this you couldn’t help but become excited. He had never seemed to express an interest to reading you.

“Thought you would never ask!” You gushed with a giddy grin. You nodded, taking his hand and leading him away. There was a zap of energy in the contact between you. To have your hand in his, it was bliss. He would be happy the rest of his life just for this contact.

His face was a picture of shock when you lead him to the store-room. You slid into the small space turning to him when the door was closed.

“Uh, not that I don’t love the acoustics of the… store room, but my office would work just the same” He offered. Only in words, he was actually happy of the proximity. Wanted to be this close to you, but wouldn’t dare act on it.

“Privacy… I’m not a very good singer” You explained with a smile, “Only for you, Lorne”

You began to sing. Your voice wavering at first until you got more into the song. His eyes widened and he reached out for you subconsciously. His palm upturned for you. You reached back, lacing your fingers with his.

He gasped. To him, no matter the tone or pitch he was in awe of your voice. But it wasn’t just that, it was every element of you. Each beautiful component that encapsulated your larger form, of your beautiful mind. He truly saw you, your intentions.

He felt it then. It almost knocked him sideways with the force of it. With the strength of your feelings for him. You had never been more sure of anything in your life. You could only flirt and hope that he understood, expressing it any other way would have been much harder. You wouldn’t ever want to make him uncomfortable.

You were his, you were promised to him for the rest of your life. It was an emotional experience, made his eyes shine. When you finished the tune you looked back into those kind eyes. It was a revelation to him. That you truly meant it. Those words.

You leaned in, almost in-sync. Catching your lips with his. It was soft, tentative at first. As if he was afraid that you would pull away in horror at his action. But soon you weaved your arms around him, pulling him closer. You wanted to cherish him. Show him just how much you adored him.

You deepened the kiss, becoming lost in each other. His hands resting on each side of your body, feeling the soft skin there. Enjoying the sensation. Your lips glided over his, ensuring that he felt you in the present just the way he had felt your future together. The way you felt now was the same as now. The kiss was everything. Ground shifting. Life changing.

You broke apart, breathless. Laughter despite yourselves. At how long it had taken. At how much you truly meant to each other. How you felt finally spilling between you. Both of you talking at a fast pace, sharing your hearts between more soft kisses.

Your hands entwining, you were instantly comfortable with such natural gestures. Loving him was as easy as breathing, you had always known this – but being loved by him in return was just so sweet. You eventually slid out of the store cupboard to a waiting audience.

They had given you knowing looks as if to cheapen the beautiful experience you had just shared. But neither of you cared, you just kept your hands clasped together. Taking strength from the other. It was hot gossip around the office for the next few weeks. But neither of you thought about it more than once, you had finally discovered each other. Your reciprocated feelings. Nothing could change this feeling. This elation you felt when you were together.

[a-shakespearean-in-paris]

Favorite Passages of 2020

thought I’d start a new tag for writers for the end of the year--favorite lines/ passages written. There might be a tag like this already but hey I felt like taking a trip down memory lane. I feel like this year has seen me grow a lot. I finished 3 WIPs from 3 different fandoms and decided to make a part 2 of a previously finished fic. What a year, what a year, am I right? Fic writing has certainly made the days easier, made me happy and taken my mind off of situations. 

Obviously the year isn’t over yet maybe something will overtake this, but I felt like taking a trip through memory lane. Also, number five has some light smut.

tagging @laraslandlockedblues @ma-sulevin @kemvee @galadrieljones @thevikingwoman @jentrevellan @wardenari @roguelioness @idrelle @cartadwarfwithaheartofgold @queen-kass-the-writer @ellenembee

1. Only Lovers, Resident Evil, Leon S. Kennedy x Ada Wong

She laughs to herself. One moment, they told each other last night. And this is it. They were fools. They’re still fools. Happy, sated, blissful fools. And lovers.

And yet, it’d be cruel not to tell him, to let him live in an illusion. 

“You don’t love me,” she whispers. “you love the me you think about when you’re lonely.” 

“Not lonely now.” 

He glances at her with a mischievous, knowing look. “Neither am I,” she tells him, and she even plays the part, tells him she loves him too. They’re only lovers now, after all. 

“You didn’t have to say that,” he says. “I know what’s true.”

“Then what’s true?” 

He rises, faces her. He cups her cheek, caresses her face. He follows with a gentle kiss.

“Now,” he whispers. “Us.”

***This is from my one shot of Leon and Ada from the Resident Evil games. I played the game over quarantine and my twelve year old feels for the femme fatale and hot agent reignited, so I wanted to tribute that. Now I like Leon and Ada vastly more than Leon and Claire because I just find it more interesting--but beyond that I really wanted to explore an enemies to lovers relationship. They’re on two different sides of a war but they can’t help that attraction and pull, and I just like the idea they kind of see each other sometimes and release some tension, though both skirt around the idea of love. I like this passage because it encapsulates their tense yet dynamic and even romantic pull. Plus when I wrote “you don’t love me, you love the me you think about when you’re lonely” I just felt really powerful and badass, and I collect badass lines that come to my head for future wham lines in my writing, and I am 90 percent sure this was one such line. Either that or it came to me as I was writing, but I honestly don’t remember. 

2.  Love Song on Sapphire Isle, GOT, Jaime x Brienne

From the palace, there’s a strum of a lute, the sound intermingling with the crash of the waves that’s melodic and lulling. They stand side by side, listening to the song—a love song, though Jaime says she is his love song, his greatest adventure.  And she wraps her arms around him, and tells him he is her love song, and her later. Though now, she thinks her later has turned into an always.

***This is from my Jaime and Brienne longfic, a pseudo fix it that really just made me feel better after how disappointed I was with where they took Jaime and Brienne’s arc in the show. Come on George make them each other’s true love in the books I know you are prove those people who can’t read subtext wrong In the fic the term “later,” is part of their romantic dynamic, Jaime and Brienne always telling each other there will be time for romance later before the battle. then they get their later and and they’re stuck in a rut, not knowing what exactly to do. The last chapter, a snap shot of their “later,” years after the penultimate fic chapter, shows the life they’ve built. I tell my kids in my class that their final lines in a paper should pack a punch, and I think with everything that happened in the fic and the idea of later, it was the perfect final line. 

3.The Sweetest Sorrow, RDR2. Arthur Morgan x Charlotte Balfour

Come back, she said to him, sitting by their favorite spot in the clearing by the water. I know what you said, and I accepted it, but it is not easy to be the one that waits. It’s not fair that I am always the one that waits. These men in old stories, men like Arthur who masqueraded as an outlaw but were also knights, thought they had the harder duties. Charlotte, though she would always sing for Arthur and the good man underneath that always won over the evil bad man he claimed to be, was tired of singing songs of those men. She sung praises for Penelope and other women like her, the waiters. She sung for herself and her strength, and waited for the day when she could show him again just how strong she was, as strong as him. If only he would come back, one more time. She made sure to pour longings and promises in their parting kiss after he said that she gave him his dream. She kissed him to woo him back.

“Come back,” she said, and she hoped the wind carried her prayers. Come back to me Arthur, she wrote on her journal in her lap. She prayed that her longing, tangible in the words she wrote and spoke would make him stronger, beat that vile thing that had made it’s way into her once proud man and withering him. If he came back and it turned that he had given her his ailment, they could be brave together. She was tired of being brave alone. She was good at being alone, but that didn’t mean she had to endure it.

Come back.

Arthur was made to believe he was alone, and he had to be alone with his ailment. She couldn’t rely on their last conversation, her last kiss to him. Once he was away from her she knew his duty and self-sacrifice would win. Why, why did she not go with him, why did she allow herself to think she had to be the one that stayed? If she was his equal, she would have showed him.

Come back.

He wasn’t alone. He could find a way back to her once everything was fixed, but nothing could ever become truly fixed. Would he remain and remain, hopelessly fixing until he became too frail and withered? She knew him. He would. He was too much of a good man, especially now.

Come back.

It wasn’t that she wanted him to be selfish. She wanted him to be true to himself. But that man was wrestling with a giant called doubt.

Come back.

The wind blew her journal to the last few dozen pages. She hadn’t realized how worn it was before, how the binding was tearing and the pages weren’t sticking to the spine as they used to. Come back, she wrote. Come back to me Arthur. Again and again, she wrote, more furious than the last, her hand flying through her remaining blank pages. The wind was strong, and before she could catch one of the pages that ripped out, she could only watch as the wind ripped it’s away across the stream. More pages began to fly from her journal with all the same messages, come back, come back, Arthur come back, don’t leave me in this dark, cruel place where I can’t find you. Some fell in the river, some were carried to the clearing behind her.

She lost all her blank pages. She didn’t mourn.

“Come back,” she said once more, for the final time. “Come back.”

***So I stopped updating this fic in 2019 because I lost the muse. Frankly too I spent the bulk of writing this story in an unhappy mood, and I associated a lot of my feelings of the time when I thought about going back. however, wanting to replay RDR2 made me fall for Arthur all over again, and made me want to come back to this world, so I reread it and tidied it up and went back. I found I no longer associated the fic with my mood at the time and could appreciate it as it’s own thing. The meta of this section and why I’m found of it is that the idea of blank pages is associated with Arthur and Charlotte’s relationship.  they want to write a story together and fill up their blank pages together. Plus I am just very attached to the image of Charlotte writing in a journal and the pages getting lost in the wind. Also love the literary references and allusions in this fic, and you can see that here. Truth to be told i think this is one of my technically best fics for it’s consistency and build. Also, Arthur lives.   

4. Memoirs of a Long, Long Time, Morrigan x Warden

Rowan had no shame. Once outside the blacksmith’s, he took Morrigan’s hand, leading her out by the water. He held up his hand to Alistair, Leliana and Sten, promising it would be one moment, and one moment only.

“Yes?” she asked, with a dollop of sugary sweetness

He didn’t play games. “Why are you acting like this?”

“Why are you?” she fired back. “We are here for the Arl, not to save the entire village."

“Look around,” he told her. “Who will help these people if I do not?”

“Yet to accept a kiss? From that woman? Shall we keep our list? Leliana, that girl in the chantry, the tavern wench…me….”

He didn’t care if Alistair, Leliana, and Sten were all watching. “You know what I feel for you is different,” he muttered.

“Oh? Is it?”

“Shall I kiss you now to prove it?”

“But I do wonder if you would, gallant knight from a story book? You—”

He took her hand and pulled their bodies closer together, her words disappearing. “Am I a knight, or rogue?” he asked her. “No. I’m a Grey Warden.”

She bit her lip, mesmerized by his. Oh, to have done it then before battle, in front of his companions.

It was a nice thought, but it wasn’t what he wanted.

“I won’t kiss you now,” he said, “though a kiss before battle is what the bards sing of. I’d rather wait to kiss you when you aren’t so…salty. Kisses taste better that way.”

The temptress, Witch of the Wilds smiled, both agreeing with him, and knowing he did indeed want her lips and her lips alone. She stood by his side in battle, and then stood by his side come morning when the village remained. When Bella thanked him again after they came to the tavern with for complimentary glass of mead—a small reprieve before they would head to Castle Redcliffe— Morrigan said nothing and merely stood by his side, her arm pressed against his. When his mead sat untouched on the counter after a few sips, she took his glass and took a sip.

“I suppose I am to wait till after we storm the castle?” she asked.

“If I find a small grotto to take you. I hear kisses happen only in beautiful places.”

“Then we should do it anywhere you are.”

He flushed with vanity. He knew he looked tired, with dark, purplish circles under his eyes and scraggly hair that was growing out, though at least it had some wave to it. He lost weight as well, as his cheeks were hollower. His beard was growing as well, and he knew soon he would need to trim it. Frankly, he looked like what he was: a tired man who slept in the woods and was forced to settle every squabble in Redcliffe Village. And yet the Witch of the Wilds, who looked at radiant as she did when he first met her, would have him anywhere. She liked him as he was: tired and frankly annoyed.

He took one last sip of mead before suggesting they meet Teagan. After that, he would be one step closer to his kiss.

Or, not.

***I always wanted to write Morrigan x Warden. I was so close to making the Warden in In Waking Dreams a male that romanced Morrigan and had Kieran with her, but I chickened out and went with what I was most familiar with, a female Cousland who romanced Alistair. Well, 2020. Time to do the creative things that once scared me lol. If I had the will I’d rewrite IWD just to stick in Morrigan and Rowan, but that would be too hard and mess with the timeline, of Cullen and Lyd’s relationship, because the hero of Ferelden is Hawke’s Warden contact in this fic, and there’s no way Rowan wouldn’t visit his wife and son....I mean maybe I can do it but I don’t have the energy, I’d rather just keep IWD as it is, and I do like the Warden in that fic.

Anyway this fic reminds me a lot of a play---fitting because Rowan was once an actor. I really enjoy their dialogue and banter and I think Rowan’s knightish, charming ways come across in his dialogue. Also I’m proud of the way the story is told. It’s his memories, interspersed with the current time, also switches to Morrigan at Skyhold. ****

5. In Waking Dreams: Dragon Age, Cullen x Quiz

Lydia knew it immediately before he handed it to her, the book of Ferelden myths and legends, with the story of Cliodna, the Avvar priestess who roamed the world looking for her lover nestled within the pages. Lydia had a copy before, though different than the one Cullen handed to her. This was the one his mother held in her hands as she read to her children, the one that survived the Blight to be held in Cullen’s hands again, to be given to his lover.

“Cliodna and Concohbar,” Lydia said thumbing through the pages, captivated by the drawing of the long, dark-haired woman, reunited and swimming in the constellations with the man she loved, the final illustration of the book. Her gaze fell back to Cullen, his expression soft.

“Us,” she said.

“We’re us,” he said. “But they do remind of a certain couple I know.” He caressed her face. “We’re in the same constellation, you and I.”

They couldn’t wait. They made love upstairs in his room, the book safely tucked away on his dresser. He sat on the edge of the bed, peeling off her clothes one by one, slowly and savoring each new patch of revealed skin. He pressed a kiss to her belly as she stood fully nude and himself still clothed—though she helped him rid himself of his shirt as he kicked off his boots and pushed down his trousers and smalls. She sat on his thighs, slid her hands down his body, filled herself with him to the brim. He wrote love letters of a happy birthday on her body, made her come against his hand as she thrust herself down and back upon him, riding his thighs as his calloused hands dug into her hips. Moonlight spilled through the gap in his roof, creating her favorite painting—one of a reverent, loving Cullen—a slight Commander to him in the way he whispered how good she felt, how her want was leaking on him, but unquestionably he was her Cullen.

She spoke his name, a chant and prayer stronger than one she ever prayed to the Maker, his arms wrapping around her and grasping as he shuddered and came, pouring inside of her, resting his head against her beating heart.

“My darling,” she said, covered in both their sweats. “My love.”

“Be honest,” he said against her breasts, peering at her. “Would you have preferred our secret place, something else today? You said you wanted quiet.”

She stroked his bearded face, tousled his hair. “What you all did was perfect. And you coordinated it?”

“Mostly Josephine. But I had some ideas.”

She grinned. “Darling. You have given me the happiest of days.”

***Well, I always wanted to continue IWD, just got caught up in other fandoms. Plus I didn’t think I was ready yet. Believe me I tried but I had no clue where to start. Well, I finally learned: Lydia’s birthday, Cullen throwing her a party. Actually I do enjoy this whole chapter--it’s Lydia and Cullen being romantic and fun and throwing out their pet names, the two just enjoying each other as they are. It’s so refreshing to see them happy and not uptight in a canon fic, because oooh boy rereading the fic and getting back into the world made me realize just how damn dramatic they are, lol. And I wouldn’t have it any other way, we high drama here or we go home. Anyway, really happy to be back, like over the moon even, and I had a reader tell me my writing has improved since I finished in 2018. So, it was quite nice to hear, quite affirming.******

Part of me has never gotten rid of my innate flowy language, but I do think I have improved with just saying what I need to say with no embellishment at certain points. 

[senchoubutter]

Twisted Wonderland Guys As Kpop Songs I Listen To Too Much + Why

i’ma just say it now, i primarily listen to girl groups since I cover songs and they are in my range and i find them fun to cover most so expect a lot of those.

All songs are linked!!

Scarabia

Jamil

- Lucifer by SHINee || First and foremost I can see him performing this, easily. Aside from that, the song is tasty and classic. Jamil is a smart attractive man that is incredibly talented despite flying under the radar. People know of him but don’t take note until they know him, similarly to this song. It goes hard and you’ve probs heard it mentioned but you haven’t experienced until you played it at 3 am, screaming your heart out. Get to know Jamil and he ain’t just “some guy”

Kalim

- Um Oh Ah Yeh by MAMAMOO || This song reminds me of the 90s/2000s and there’s something about Kalim that also does that for me. Maybe it’s the not a care in the world disposition. I can see and feel in the second verse’s rap, Kalim’s warm smile. I can imagine him grabbing my hand, telling me to chin up. The choruses make me think of simpler times. Finally, Kalim seems like he’s always having a good time just like this song

Ignihyde

Ortho

- Candy Pop by TWICE (yes i know its jp) || This song always puts me in a good mood. It makes me feel warm inside and like everything will work out. When I see Ortho, I feel the need to protect him but also can’t help but feel like everything will be okay. Something about him brings a happy, warm peace to my heart that reminds me to just take a moment and find the good in life. The peppy beat of it just makes me think about how he almost always is smiling!

Idia

- Fairy of Shampoo by TOMORROW X TOGETHER || the song starts an I feel as if I’ve awoken floating in the deep sea, but i’m not scared. I feel at peace and as if I’ve been here before. The song tastes like iced tea and feels like nostalgia. When I look at Idia I see my past self and even present self. I’m afraid, I want to hide. The feelings the verses gives me reminds me of laying in bed, curled up in a jacket that hides my whole body, similarly to Idia’s. The song and Idia’s character call out to a nostalgic but soft side to a distant past I can’t recall. I want to stay with them until I can remember

Savanaclaw

Leona

- gogobebe by MAMAMOO || It’s got a lazy but sexy sound that Leona emboides. When the song picks up in the choruses it’s like it takes over your body, drowning the listener in an ocean of sensuality and playful teasing. It’s got a lil edge though too that caters to the gruff “fuck off” expression he has. I see the noise Hwasa makes at the end as the wanton but confused noise fans make as the man leaves, tail swinging after teasing them

Ruggie 

- BAAM by Momoland || BAAM has such a sassy hyped up beat that screams a bitch that gets shit done, owns who they are, and lives life having fun. And it embodies everything I feel upon seeing Ruggie's smug smile. Even the rap bit during the second chorus has the sass and done-ness of “Leona-san! Get up!!”

Jack

- Bomb by AleXa || This song kicks your ass and so does Jack. Don’t for four seconds think he won’t beat the shit outta ya for underestimating him, similarly to AleXa and her music. The energy and the “I’ll show you” vibes remind me of this big dweeb. I would fear this man but turn to love him much like how I felt about this song as it was this artist’s first song. How do I say they just embody each other in my opinion lol

Pomefiore

Vil

- DUN DUN by Everglow || The sass. This song screams THAT BITCH, just like Vil’s everything. The way he carries himself is personified in this song. The power the song holds reminds me of his unique magic and how intense it is. Finally, the slower bridge is mythical and light as if giving the listener a feeling like they are walking on air and plays to the softer and more feminine side of Vil

Rook

- FINGERTIP by GFriend || Everything about this song is exciting. It’s suspenseful and alluring. If this song was a person, I could clear as day see it winking, whispering “chase me.” And that is exactly Rook’s brand of teasing and games. He’s a hunter but he’s got a charming aura to him still. This song wraps both of those things into it. The dance break is Rook’s darker senses personified. Umji’s lil “OW!” is he’s cute lil remarks in french, throwing you off now and then. But by the end of the song, you’re used to them and adore them

Epel

- Crossroads by GFriend || This song feels like a long lost friend that visits you in dreams. You can practically reach out to them but just as you do, you wake up. But you’re determined. That alone reminds me of Epel’s character as a whole. He doesn’t let his cute appearance push aside his wants and needs to be this tough guy. He, like Yuju’s strong vocals at the last chorus, presses on, determined each time he gets knocked down

Diasomnia

Lilia

- Deja Vu by Dreamcatcher || Maybe I’m biased cause I’ve covered this but this song is breathtaking. The melody speaks of a long road and the fight to keep on which I feel rings true for Lilia. We don’t know his true age but it’s clear he’s been around for quite a wild and the pain he’s probably gone through is unspeakable. He has stories galore and so much experience in life. I feel this song encapsulates a lot of what can only be speculated about him

Silver

- Crème Brûlée by GFriend || the soft, sweet song is addictive and cutesy. I feel Silver gets written off or ignored often, similarly to this song on the album. Sure he may not be god or a bad bad bitch, but he has his own warmth to him. Like this song, Silver makes me wanna curl up under a tree on an August evening and just take in life, making sure to breathe for once, releasing unnecessary tension and stress.

Sebek

- Black Dress by CLC || Sebek is very interesting to me and when he blushes, my whole heart stops for a second. It’s similar to how when they build up to the chorus‘s first Black Dress and the music stops for like a split second. Sebek isn’t my favorite but isn’t my least favorite. I like him more than some though, I’d say. I’d say the same goes for this song. I love CLC, this isn’t my top song of theirs but I still like it a lot. There’s something uniform about the beat that resounds with Sebek as getting shit done in mind also. Sometimes a song just makes you think of a character and you can’t perfectly explain it

Malleus

- Pretty Savage by BLACKPINK || Yes i know t’s only recently come out as i post this, but this bad boy on replay. The beat isn’t crazy upbeat but it’s interesting. Malleus intidimates me in general cause of his aura, and while I love this song a lot rn, it was very intimidating at first. It still has some “don’t come near me” energy. The slower bridge bit calls to his stoic expression, melodic and pretty

Heartslabyul

Cater

- ICY by ITZY || I’ll be honest both Cater as well as this song were things I thought at first were just meh, okay. But as time went on both grew on me. Now that’s not the only reason though I associate this with him. The, no pun intended, ice shattering sound of the song gives me friendly popular girl that seems to be buds with 80% of the school. This is the very vibe Cater always gives me. He wants to just have a good, happy life. Also the song is a “so what? I’m hot. Get over it.” vibe like Cater

Ace

- Drama by TOMORROW X TOGETHER || Ace reminds me the guy you fall in love with in high school and you no it’s not going to last but you let yourself get taken away with. Drama feels like a soundtrack of every fun adventure Ace goes on, no matter the trouble that he may get on. It’s fun beat just brings me back to skipping school, running to my car and trying to sneak away without getting caught. The thought of Ace at my side, would shoot my adrenaline through the roof just like the high note of the song

Deuce

- God’s Menu by Stray Kids || Deuce is just ready to go swinging and that’s exactly what this song is. Elbows up and out, head down, swinging without a clue. The intensity and fire of it speaks to that fire in him. Meanwhile the prechoruses are soft and pleasant almost like it’s not the same song, alluding to that cute lil smile he has got

Trey

- REALLY REALLY by WINNER || Similarly to Ace, this song reminds me of a guy you fall for, but in college rather than high school. Everything about the song and Trey just feels right. The choruses hold your hand and fits perfectly in yours. They know what to say to make everything okay. It may not last, but you sure hope it does and will love them like it will. And while Trey isn’t my number one boy, those are the exact feelings I have about him too. Finally, the rap part reminds me of Trey’s more sadistic side, it bites and you may not think it fits entirely but the more familiar you get with them, the more both fit and you don’t mind it entirely

Riddle

- Wonderland by ATEEZ || The demanding nature of the song makes me think of Riddle immediately. It’s intense and doesn’t mess around; it wants what it wants. Riddle is a rule based person and this song is rather militaristic aesthetically. The bridge though, is so regal and breathtaking. It could stop time. Riddle, despite the kind of guy he is, is the same way. The power he holds is impressive and admirable. This description may seem kinda like I’m shitting on him and see him solely as a rule boy, but like this song, I have made respect for him and wouldn’t want to cross him

Octavinelle

Azul

- Love Battery by Hong Jin Young but performed by LOONA on Immortal Songs || This arrangement of the song has a certain magic to it that I melt in. At the very beginning as the build up singing ‘dangsineun’ i feel like I’m being submerged in a wave, reaching to shake Azul’s hand, signing a contract. The choruses remind me of his smile, how distant but inviting it is. Daring me to fall for him. The dance break bridge reminds me of the intense eyes behind those glasses

Jade

- Love Shot by EXO || This song and Jade are both things I am fearful of but greatly intrigued by. They share a scary beat and energy that says I fear you more when you’re smiling. Please stop slowly walking towards me, you’re scaring me. But at the very same time, the choruses keep me around like how pretty I find this twin. The combo of put together, intellectual friend but could kill easily and without remorse sends shivers down my spine if I think about it for too long. The chorus of this song make me shake my shoulders that suppress a shiver each time

Floyd

- WEE WOO by Pristin || I love both Floyd and WEE WOO. The song is the feeling you get going 85 down the highway. Both song and Floyd, get me excited. They feel like the weekend. That feeling of coming home Friday during high school, tossing your bookbag down, and getting ready to hang out with your best friend. It’s a relieving and exciting feeling. It’s a peppy beat that bites during the harmonies a bit. Just like Floyd. Peppy, fun, but ain’t afraid to take a lil nibble

[officialleotolstoy]

Oh Dolokhov Brainrot We’re Really In It Now, aka Dolokhov playlist annotations!

A note on the cover photo: I don’t really like this one but I got tired of looking at men on Pinterest so I gave up. The window symbolizes the rum window and the smoking symbolizes uhhhhh habitual bad life choices idk

Drinking game take a shot every time I say “it’s about the vibes”

Wrecking Ball - Mother Mother

“I break it just because I can”

This is THEE ‘I am going to cause problems on purpose’ song and that is like his entire narrative purpose!! Argue with me about this one I dare you

The Good, The Bad, and the Dirty - Panic! At The Disco

“If you wanna start a fight you better throw the first punch, make it a good one”

Partially its just vibes, I won’t lie. But also the consistent spoiling for a fight is very in character

Shoot to Thrill - AC/DC

“I’m like evil, I get under your skin”

It’s got I Am Morally Repulsive But Also I’ll Steal Your Girl energy which really hits all of Dolokhov’s character traits. And of course the added bonus of gun imagery.

Mr. Brightside - The Killers

“It started out with a kiss, how did it end up like this”

I added it strictly for vibes, but then I realized the quoted lyric is very much him @ the Kuragins if you take the reading that he refuses to admit he actually like them but grows genuinely fond of them over time even though he initially got to know them with a lot of ulterior motives.

Bohemian Rhapsody - Queen

“Mama, I just killed a man”

The amount of songs that are on these playlists just for what are essentially your mom jokes since Dolokhov loves his mom so much is a little pathetic. But I’m not wrong! I can’t really put it into words but something about this song has Dolokhov energy.

Feel It Still - Portugal the Man

“Give in to that easy living, goodbye to your hopes and dreams”

A good deal of what I find interesting about Dolokhov is the internal conflict he has of knowing he’s become rather wicked and problematic but also not really trying very hard to change and almost enjoying it so a lot of the songs on here are about that, including this one. The “I’m a rebel just for kicks now” also very much screams Causing Problems On Purpose.

The Bidding - Tally Hall

“I like to take advantage of the bourgeoisie”

His whole role in volume one and two is to take advantage of the bourgeoisie! This song also oozes confidence and a sense of superiority that comes from being better than the sellouts in high society, Dolokhov’s not like other girls uwu (he really is, but I don’t think he would admit that).

Say Amen (Saturday Night) - Panic! At The Disco

“I could be better but baby it’s Saturday night”

Embracing his own wickedness! The idea that he knows he could be better than he is but he doesn’t want to take that opportunity...yeah vibes

Wilson (Expensive Mistakes) - Fall Out Boy

“I became such a strange shape from trying to fit in”

This is the epitome of the “woe is me I need to be purified” phase he goes through when he’s into Sonya. Also “I’ll stop wearing black when they make a darker color” reminds me of Comet Dolokhov’s stupid eyeliner <3

Some Nights - fun.

“So what is this? I sold my soul for this?”

There’s a long stretch of this playlist that just boils down to “Woe is me I need to be purified” crisis hours, because Dolokhov’s oscillation between embracing his own cruelty and trying to be a good person is super interesting to me. This song captures the idea that he’s still having fun and there’s some good there, but he’s also aware that he’s losing himself a bit

Roaring 20s - Panic! At The Disco

“I don’t even know me”

“Woe is me i need to be purified” crisis AGAIN. This song gets more to the annoyance with society as a whole and feeling kind of lost in it

Send Them Off! - Bastille

“Help me exorcise my mind”

“Please purify me 16 year old girl! I’m 27 this isnt creepy at all ahahahha”. I do despise Sonyakhov but this has the vibes of a man feeling his own evil and wanting a woman to fix it. Not a great look.

Easy Days (Demo) - Bastille

“I don’t wanna fall back again, back into the easy days”

Near the end of the “woe is me I need to be purified” phase when he’s kind of drifting back to his old ways and he’s like wait no- wait- and then he does anyway because he’s horrible. I also really like the acknowledgment that his horribleness is easy and pleasant for him, and he has to fight against that (and he loses that fight HDJAJJD).

Undisclosed Desires - Muse

“You trick your lovers that you’re wicked and divine”

This is a Dolokhov/Nikolai song I do not take constructive criticism. Undisclosed desires...not being straight...lots to think about! It feels almost like a corruption arc? Nikolai isn’t corrupted nor does their...fling (?) last very long but Nikolai is obviously enamored with Dolokhov despite him being The Worst so I think this fits. I don’t have enough songs for a Nikolai/Dolokhov playlist so I just add those songs to both of their individual playlists

Thnks fr th Mmrs - Fall Out Boy

“Thanks for the memories even though they weren’t so great”

Also mostly a Nikolai/Dolokhov song. This man has never ended a relationship on good terms, huh. Also. Sighs heavily. “He tastes like you only sweeter” never fails to make me laugh when I think about it in the context of Dolokhov post-duel being like oh?? You’re just a stupid WOMAN Hélène your brother and/or Nikolai is hotter than you :/ which is not exactly what I think happened but it makes me laugh to consider. Dolokhov ur bitterrrrr

Dangerous - Royal Deluxe

“I’ll be the last man standing here, I’m not going anywhere”

I feel like this has the vibes of his cruelty, especially in that bit after the Kuragins have died when he and Petya infiltrate the French army.

Another One Bites The Dust - Queen

“There are plenty of ways you can hurt a man”

He will hurt you and kill you so violently :) It’s about the vibes.

White Wedding Pt. 1 - Billy Idol

“It’s a nice day to start again”

In the exact inverse to his “woe is me I need to be purified” phase, he’s like ok yes i will pick up bad habits again and enjoy them because frick you! I read once that this song is about a relapse into drugs, but I’m making it analogous to his relapse into Terrible Person Behavior after Sonya’s rejection. Also the repetition of the phrase little sister does something for my brain idk, after we know he loves his mom and sister it just fits.

Highway to Hell - AC/DC

“I’m on the highway to hell and I’m goin down”

Like White Wedding, it screams acceptance of his problematicness. He knows he’s cruel and evil and he revels in it. This is the phase we see him in most I think.

Back in Black - AC/DC

“It’s been too long, I’m glad to be back”

I think this plays every time he gets reinstated to an army position he lost by being reckless earlier. Just kidding sort of but listen to this song and tell me it doesn’t have Dolokhov vibes. If you do, you’re wrong <3

Poet - Bastille

“I have written you down now, you will live forever”

This is just here cause he ghostwrote Anatole’s love letters and I think it’s funny. It’s MY playlist and I get to choose the barely relevant Bastille songs

St. Jude - Florence + The Machine

“Maybe I’ve always been more comfortable in chaos”

This one’s more scattered lyrics than an overall vibe. “Each side is a loser so who cares who fired the gun” has duel energy also.

Hey Look Ma, I Made It - Panic! At The Disco

Confession: I hate this song. However, it’s about the about the MOM R U PROUD OF ME vibes (she is. Should she be? Probably not).

Rich Kids - Bea Miller

“It’s never enough for the stuck up types”

The not coming from wealth and having to almost scam your way into being part of the aristocratic scene is very Dolokhov. Also in my mind the rich kid he’s roasting is specifically Nikolai.

Money, Money, Money - ABBA

“It’s a rich man’s world”

I’m not SAYING the wealthy man they talk about is Anatole but - [i am shot]. Scheming and clawing your way up to wealth is Dolokhovcore.

This Is Gospel - Panic! At The Disco

I literally have no justification for this other than that i think modern AU Dolokhov would vibe with it. Look at the amount of eyeliner he wears in Comet and tell me he didn’t have an emo band phase. You can’t.

Trouble’s Coming - Royal Blood

This is not about the words at all, it’s more about the vibes. It just sounds Dolokhovish to me, don’t ask me to explain.

Sleep Alone - Two Door Cinema Club

“They’re just ghosts and they can’t hurt him if he can’t see them”

This gives me post-Kuragins’ death vibes, and I can’t pin down exactly why? I think it’s the idea of being very alone and closed off.

Golden Days - Panic! At The Disco

I can’t put a specific lyric to it but it’s the vibes of looking back on your hedonistic youths with nostalgia and rose-colored glasses. Post-Kuragins’ death vibes again.

Go Get Your Gun - The Dear Hunter

“One foot in the grave, the other one’s kickin’ its way right down to hell”

All we see of him after the Kuragins’ death is just him being particularly cruel and reckless, almost careless. This feels like it encapsulates that energy.

The Fallen - Franz Ferdinand

“They say you’re a troubled boy just because you like to destroy”

I’m aware that a good portion of this song is about a Christ figure but I’m going to respectfully ask you to ignore that bit and just focus on all the Sketchy Things the guy does instead. Thank you. He does in fact like to destroy things! Señor Cause Problems On Purpose back at it again at krispy kreme, huh.

[canonicallyanxious]

hi, If you are still doing taking asks for the top 5 of whatever, I have one. Top 5 (or 10) scenes in the skamverse?

anon this is a really good ask and i’m unfortunately absolute trash for the skamverse so it’s gonna have to be my top 10 skjdnfskjdnfs in the interest of fairness though I’m going to try my best to limit myself to one scene/clip per season [also cut on this one bc it got long oops]

1. Minutt for minutt [og skam s3]

Words cannot express how much this scene still means to me four years after i first saw it. Like this is the scene that made Even and Isak’s relationship so special to me, this is probably the scene or at least one of them that tipped this show from “oh this is really good” to “i will fucking die on this hill for skam” for me. like, just the tenderness of Isak quietly watching Even as he sleeps. the soft physical affection a mentally ill character is allowed to have on screen. this beautiful yet grounded dialogue about coping with mental illness which cheesy as it might sound is also something i’ve very often taken to heart in my own struggle with coping with mental illness since. like god. truly groundbreaking, honestly.

2. David’s coming out scene in druck s3 ep 8 - “i am a boy. i just have to try a little harder” [druck s3]

this scene came very, very close to beating minutt for minutt and honestly on a different day it might have done so, just today i decided to put minutt for minutt at the top simply because it’s been with me for longer. but i think this was probably the most emotionally moving clip for me in the entire season, and i had the privilege to watch it in real time which makes it even more special to me. it was everything i could have ever wanted from david’s coming out - soft, aching, quiet, devastating writing that broke my entire heart. and “i am a boy; i just have to try a little harder” is probably a line that’s going to stick with me for a very long time. i can’t think of another trans person’s coming out scene in mainstream media that has touched me as deeply as this one.

3. Fatou and Kieu My’s museum date in druck s6 ep 6 [druck s6]

this scene has everything. EVERYTHING. space imagery! soft and tender kisses! hands brushing in the dark! yearning looks! playful banter! serious conversations about feelings that move forward both their development! like it just reminds me so viscerally of falling in love for the first time as a teenager. druck in general i think does a very good job of portraying teen romance but the fact that this teen romance is about two wlwoc [one of whom is vietnamese like bitch!!!!] means EVERYTHING to me. like this more than anything else in the entire skamverse is something I wish my teen self had gotten to see. i’ve probably seen this clip about twenty times because part of me still can’t believe it exists.

4. The Carnival scene at the end of the last episode of skam austin s1 [skam austin s1]

honestly i think the entire last clip of skam austin s1 is just pure excellence [even if they made me watch Meg and Marlon have sex in a car wash smfh]. like one of my favorite things about og skam was how it really gave their characters room to breathe and take their time with their conversations and i think this clip is probably one of the ones that come the closest to capturing that energy for me [no wonder i guess since julie andem was so involved with this season]. but i love the carnival scene in particular because i love the energy it captures in meg’s dynamics with the other characters and it’s just such a nice opportunity for them all to finally breathe after a difficult season. also i will never ever forget the pure euphoria of watching Shay become a confirmed lesbian on screen in real time [even if i still think the way it was done was kinda meh]. i think i was giddy for the rest of the fucking night after i saw that.

5. Nora breaking up with Miquel for good in skamesp s3 ep 8 [skamesp s3]

i actually think skamesp s3 is one of the best remake seasons of the skamverse. An incredible feat for skamesp to make me rank a NOORHELL season near the top, but honestly skamesp s3 is much more than a noorhell season, like i think the story it tells is hard to watch but very important to tell. i especially love this clip because it’s just such a well thought out culmination of Nora’s arc throughout the season. and it’s so devastating in how understated it is. the acting is phenomenal, the lighting is gorgeous, my breath was taken away by the way Nora said “don’t touch me” with her hair blowing gently around her face. just very good.

6. Josh and Nora’s second break-up scene at the end of druck s5 ep 9 [druck s4]

what does it say about me that this is the THIRD BREAK UP CLIP on this list skdjdnfksdnfsdkn. i genuinely did have a really hard time picking one clip for s5 [other top contenders include the last clip of ep 8 and the cuddle clip at the beginning of ep 6] but i went with this one because a. i love to suffer and b. the way josh plays with nora’s jacket and then she gently pulls away and his hands still linger bc he can’t quite bring himself to let her go just yet fucking HAUNTS ME. watching this scene genuinely made me feel like i was going through a break up myself, maybe because it reminded me so much of my own first break up in a lot of ways. kudos to the strong writing and stellar performances from the actors here.

7. Best of Islam [og skam s4]

Yousana the true og m/f relationship i was overly invested in... i miss they... anyway this clip is really good just on its own and i think it’s a good encapsulation of everything i wanted this season to be. i love that Sana got to talk about her experiences and her relationship with her religion; i love that yousef listens to her carefully and talks about his own experiences and feelings; i love their playful energy; I LOVE YOUSEF GIVING SANA THE FLOWER. truly it doesn’t get better than this.

8. Amira and Mohammed get back together at the end of druck s4 ep 7 [druck s4]

i love this scene because i think it showcases the very best of Amira and Mohammed’s dynamic. the way they listen to each other, their playful manner with each other, how utterly taken they are with each other. i love also that Mohammed finally got to talk about his experiences as a refugee and how that connects to his religion. and the whole exchange about baklava still has me so ;-; ;-; the chemistry these two have is absolutely unreal. i will never get over Amira being cheated of the last few episodes of her season. the greatest injustice to experience after a clip like this, truly.

9. Life in Italics [skam austin s2]

aside from the first ep this might be the only clip i’ve actually seen from this season but i stand by this choice sorry not sorry shay dixon performing an absolute bop in a pink wig is just too iconic

10. Crisana cuddle scene in skamesp s2 episode 6 [skamesp s2]

I think I’ve loved basically every remake version of the iconic s3 ep 5 cuddle clip i’ve seen but this one has stuck with me in particular just because it was really special to me to be able to see two girls be so soft and gentle and loving with each other. no excessive make-up, no hypersexualization, nothing glossy or glamorized about it. i honestly often have a really hard time connecting to teen wlw romance but this was one of those times it actually felt real to me. also the song choice for this clip is simply chef’s kiss

Ask me my top 5/10 anything!

[softly-savage-mint-yoongi]

Allotrope

Genre: Idolverse Pairing: Kim Junmyeon (Suho) x reader Warnings: more angst. more smut. semi-public sex. Dom!Junmyeon makes an appearance again but still kinda mild. thigh riding even though it’s not really a warning??

prev. 3 next Words: 10k

"Happy Birthday!" you exclaim happily. On your tip-toes you swing your arms around Soohyun's thick shoulders and squeeze him tight until it hurts to push yourself against his solid frame.

The older man laughs like thunder, just as happy. You can't remember how many drinks he has had, but you're enjoying watching him be the one to let go for once.

Luckily for you both, being senior serving staff at your restaurant came with its perks. Perks such as you both being able to take the same night off to go out and celebrate. It doesn't matter what day of the week it is, it's Summer. Your restaurant is always busy during the season. The city, too, is busy any night of the week, May through September.

This is your favorite time of year. When you are on break from school and good money gets even better with busy shifts. You make even more because you work a bit more, and it tastes sweeter because you get to go home and do nothing or go out with friends. Like right now.

There's a certain kind of magic you love about the hotter season. Days never seem to end, only the sky becomes a light show twice per twenty-four hours, like clockwork. One half gives you a dazzling galaxy of stars and the other, blue skies and fluffy white clouds. It always wraps you in a warm embrace of endless possibility, and that freedom makes you feel invincible.

With a giddy laugh, Soohyun returns your affection, lifting your feet from the sticky bar floor. He presses the air from your lungs until you're smacking his arm in defeat. Setting you down carefully, he makes sure you're good and steady before he lets go.

"Thank you!" he hollers, slamming back the remaining bit of soju in his glass.

His jovial attitude is infectious. Even the humid air in this club and the way it's making your hair cling to your neck with sweat can't damper the exemption of your spirits, and you haven't drank enough to consider yourself even slightly buzzed.

It's stuffy, but a new song vibrating the walls with an artificial heartbeat calls your own toward the dance floor. Something that beckons to the excitement making your veins thrum with the feeling of being alive in the sweltering heat of the summer. Looking back, you crook a finger to the birthday boy, but he shakes his head, mouthing a 'no' and holding up his glass, magically refilled by a bartender.

You don't feel bad at all leaving him at the bar alone. He knows you're a shitty wingman, or wingwoman or chicken wing or whatever. It doesn't matter, he and you both know it, and to be frank, he doesn't need it. Soohyun is more than capable of staggering into any establishment on his own and making women's heads turn. If anything, you make it more difficult for him to find potential partners when you're beside him looking just as good.

Sticking your tongue out at him, you dismiss him with a devious smirk, instead focusing on the moment. On the music surging through your very being, getting drunk on its tempo.

You don't much care that you're sweating or that your feet hurt in these heels. Normally, you wouldn't be bothered, only wearing them under the excuse that it was a special occasion and you didn't purchase them to sit in your closet. Plus, they look killer with this dress.

Your palms are hot where they drag up your own legs, and you close your eyes. Dancing has never been your strongest point, but there's something addicting in the volume pulsing in your ears tonight. Something ritualistic as you smile to yourself, letting your body anticipate the rhythm just as it plays. It makes you feel good to move this way, so you let go for as long as it will sway you.

After a while, the song ends and a new one begins. One with an intro you recognize, a sound unlike others that dips into a stuttering bass. You open your eyes when you realize it's a remix of 'Monster' by EXO.

Even just the name of his group sends an excited shiver down your spine. Without warning, it's too balmy in the center of this mass of undulating bodies. Your own feels too damp and the dress that clings to you feels like an uncomfortable second skin.

As if broken from the spell of the previous song, you can hear everything else over the beat of the remix. Similar to the din of a bell, you catch a pretty laugh you recognize on the upper level. Your eyes scan where your brain is telling you- landing on the face of the laugh's owner.

Furrowing your brow, is that... Kai? It has to be. Nobody else on this earth possesses the combination of lucky genes quite like he does.

Your breath catches in your throat, a hot flush brushing your face when you notice it's not just him. It's eight of them, laughing with embarrassment at their own song, albeit a remix, carving a home in the chest of every dancing body in this club. His laughter is overridden by the sound of Chanyeol's clapping as he nearly liquefies onto the floor above you with a wide laughing smile.

Beckoning your eyes to his face you find the one you want staring back at you, having caught the stillness of your frame among a crowd of movement. Your lips drop open with a soundless gasp.

He looks effortlessly incredible. Relaxed in their space, hanging over the railing of the balcony. He's watching you, idly swirling bits of ice around in his empty glass with a twirl of his wrist.

Junmyeon smiles, tipping his head toward you and tucking that cheeky smile into the corner of his lips. You take a moment to let your eyes rake over him. His hair is fluffy and unstyled, hanging over his forehead. He isn't dressed to the nines like most people in this space are attempting to be, yourself included. He doesn't have to be when he's sitting up there on the VIP floor.

He detaches himself from the rail, pushing to his full height and disappearing from your view with a grin. Without his presence, but knowing he is here, you feel a different type of exhilaration altogether. You're not interested in dancing anymore, unable to keep your eyes from the railing where his members talk and joke and watch the nightlife.

The air around you is quickly much too thick with strangers for midnight on a Thursday. Trying your best without touching anyone, you dodge your way back to the grand bar, gripping the smooth resin edge of it and admiring the shade of the cherry wood encapsulated within it.

From the corner of his eyes, Soohyun watches you, "Didn't feel like dancing anymore?"

You grin at him, "I just need to catch my breath."

His heavy brow creeps toward his hairline as he considers your statement with a swig of his current drink, already half empty.

"It was just one song and you're already winded? We gotta get you into the gym, Y/N."

The scowl you fix him with from the bottom of his glass has him bursting out with more roaring laughter, as always. "I'm kidding!" he chokes out with a poke to your cheek, "Cheer up!"

"Yeah, um..." you don't know where to begin, or if you should even bring it up?

This is a celebration for Soohyun. If Junmyeon tries to whisk you away, as much as you would be delighted to, you can't just drop your best friend for him. You're here to hang out and perhaps help Soohyun take someone home, if that's what he wants. By the way he is slamming back his drinks, you're wondering if you might be here instead to take him back to his apartment safely.

The hand that touches your back faintly startles you, making you jerk toward Soohyun and away from the intrusion.

A familiar scent hits your nose and you realize that it is Junmyeon who has joined you at the bar. When you face him, he is pointedly not looking at you, his eyes scanning the bar menu hanging over your heads with a delighted crinkle, his lips parted just slightly, the bottom bit of flesh sticking out a little more. You notice the quirk is something that happens with his face when he is concentrating.

"I didn't mean to scare you." he smiles as he talks, but still hasn't looked at you.

A sheepish laugh flutters past your lips, "I know. Sorry I jumped."

Finally, after placing his order with the bartender, he turns, resting his elbows back against the counter and letting his eyes find yours.

Beside you, Soohyun has been observing the entire encounter go down, trying to keep the cheeky grin off of his face. He finishes the last dredges of his glass and sets it back against the bar forcefully with a loud smack.

You jump, eyes wide and whipping to him, "Oh!"

He stares as you, eyes alight with a mischievous gleam. His only response is to raise one eyebrow.

Junmyeon, on your other side, is as smart as they come and put it together automatically that this must be the famed Soohyun. He reaches out his hand to the larger man.

"Hello, I'm uh... Junmyeon. You must be Soohyun, it's nice to meet you!"

Soohyun is a little shocked at his forwardness but happily shakes his hand regardless, "Nice to meet you Junmyeon."

They easily drop into light conversation and you can't fight the smile on your face at their simple pleasantries. Soohyun isn't in any way, shape, or form romantically inclined with you, nor you with him. That makes this whole situation a lot less awkward.

He is still protective of you, like a brother, but he also knows about Junmyeon and the way you look at one another because he was there when it first happened six months ago.

Junmyeon's drink is delivered in silence and he nods at whatever Soohyun is saying, sipping at the rim of the glass with a smile. You're examining him. Taking him in and willing your heart to stop beating in time with the EDM booming from the speakers at 120bpm as you look at him.

The way the apples of his cheeks rise and stick out when he smiles a certain type of way. How his brows raise as his eyes crease in delight when he laughs. The beautiful cascade of colors that light up his hair in a rainbow of pulsing hues as the lights dance to the music above your heads. In awe, the way just having his presence here instills in you a sense of calm and excitement all at once. You're afraid you'll never get enough.

It is odd, having him in your space but not alone. Here, with Soohyun. Two people who are important to you.

...Is Junmyeon really that important to you? You haven't seen him but twice, the last time only seven or eight weeks ago. Since then you've had a lot of conversations with yourself about him over a glass of wine in the confines of your apartment. About him with you, specifically. Imagining if he wanted something more than what you have with him,  and if would you be willing to do that, too?

Would you be willing to make room in your heart and your time for him as more than the other half of this whatever it is you have together? Are you willing to risk getting your heart broken by him if he can't make time for you with his busy schedule? If he doesn’t love you when you’re ready to love him?

You've thought about him a lot, surely, although you try to persuade yourself that is the natural progression of your situationship with him. At first, you thought about him a lot when you were lonely and needy and your body was desperate for friction. In the last month, since your second adventure with him, you've thought about him in other ways too.

Daydreamed of him when you went back to that bench again a week later to study. Your eyes kept drifting around, hoping he might show up again and just sit with you. At home, when you were curled up on the couch for a relaxing evening in, thinking how nice it might be if he were there with you. Perhaps with you wrapped up in his arms or your head resting on his lap. Perhaps it was the reverse. You smiled thinking about how he might really love it to fall asleep with his head in your lap and your fingers gently running across his scalp.

You thought about how beautiful he was. Thought about what he might look like if you actually got to wake up in each others arms peacefully. How the bright morning sun might paint his skin in a golden white glitter. How soft and warm he might look, relaxed and still sleeping against the crisp white linens of your bed. How peaceful he might feel.

You thought about how precious his soul appeared to be. How fragile and defenseless and scared you made him the last time you were with him and how warm you felt to know he felt safe with you once you voiced as much. You talked a big game about knowing Junmyeon and not just Suho the first time you met, and you still stand by that. How easy it is to know him for who he really is under all of those layers that he carefully portrays and orchestrates to protect himself.

"Y/N?" he calls, gently touching your elbow.

You're snapped out of your thoughts, eyes seeking his face. He smiles at you softly when he notices you were lost in thought, and you swallow hard.

"Soohyun was just telling me you're here celebrating his birthday."

Furrowing your brows, "Yes?"

He barks a laugh, covering his mouth at your cute, perplexed pout, "I invited you both to come up to our section, if you want?"

"Only if Soohyun wants to. It's his birthday." you shrug, trying to cool your cheeks.

Soohyun cracks a cheshire smile at you, "I think it'll be fun." he says. His eyes are pointedly looking between you and Junmyeon with mischief, "Besides..." he adds, pausing to scan the patrons here on the ground level of the club, "There doesn't seem to be much fun going on down here."

You and Junmyeon both snicker at that, knowing exactly what he means.

Part of you is slightly worried about Junmyeon's public image if someone notices him down here talking to you and then taking you upstairs, but you feel a little less targeted if you're not the only one being invited up. The remaining part of you is excited to be with Junmyeon.

Excitement at not just the idea of fucking him, maybe. Excitement at the greedy idea of hearing him laugh and seeing him smile more. Of having him near you, and relishing in how good he makes you feel just by standing beside you.

Junmyeon nods, turning back to the bar and hailing a bartender. When a stoutly man arrives, Junmyeon slides him his black card, gesturing to the both of you and himself.

You jaw hits the floor. You know how much these drinks can cost and you know that while you may have only had one or two, Soohyun is probably well into his eighth or ninth.

"Junmyeon, no!" you chastise, gently tugging on the sleeve of his grey sweater.

He pats your hand and smiles, "Let me do this as birthday congratulations and an apology for hijacking your celebrations for the evening."

Soohyun claps him on the shoulder, "Thank you!"

Your sometimes-lover turns and clasps his hand back in standard bro-like fashion, "No problem, it's the least I can do!"

The bartender returns and Junmyeon finishes the transaction, "Come on, now. The guys are probably wondering where I am."

Automatically, your head turns toward the balcony where you first saw him this evening. Most of them don't seem to be paying any mind to the club patrons below their floor. The maknae, however, has his eyes trained on your little group as Junmyeon does his best to inconspicuously touch your back to guide you toward the staircase at the back of the club.

You blush under the scrutiny of the guards as he ushers you forward with claims that you're both with him. Your hand brushes over one of the pretty velvet ropes as you pass, and it's just as soft as it looked.

When you reach the top of the stairs, several pairs of eyes glance your way briefly to see who made an entrance. You're sure there are other celebrities and successful individuals among all of the faces, but the only ones you know are the faces of EXO, and the only one you care to look at is Junmyeon's.

He looks right back at you, surprised, as if he thought you might be gazing at all of the other people just like him. People with money, fame, power or beauty, or any combination of those things. Instead, he reminds himself that you are used to seeing people like that come and go.

Instead, he is reminded, that you seem to be putting all of your bets on him. That you're here looking at him, and him only.

He seems to relax a little, embolded. Enough to quietly take your hand and lead you to his members. The mouthier of the pack notice, various knowing grins etching onto their faces.

Junmyeon introduces you, "My friends are going to join us for the evening, please treat them kindly." He gestures to each of you with your names, and Jongdae instantly recognizes you. He gracefully removes himself from the couch and offers you his seat instead.

You look at Junmyeon, unsure of what to make of his offer. The older man smiles, nodding.

Jongdae is kind, and you're happy Junmyeon has him, "Thank you." you whisper as you sit.

The younger man stands beside the arm of the couch, "Did you want a drink? I can get a waiter, or...?" he trails off, looking around the flat for one.

Chanyeol cuts in, trying to speak with Baekhyun climbing all over him, "Yah, cut it out!"

Baekhyun howls, ignoring him instead, "We want to go to karaoke!"

Some of the other members perk up at the idea. "Oh, that sounds like fun." Jongin replies.

Minseok nods, shoulder dancing enthusiastically in his seat, "We have been here for a few hours."

"Our guests might like to come, too." Kyungsoo reminds them, his eyes slowly crossing the expanse of faces and landing on yours with a gentle smile.

Soohyun interrupts, "I think that sounds cool. I've never been, actually."

This was a fact that even you didn't know about him, and your eyes widen, "Seriously?"

He smiles, a somewhat triumphant, out of place beaming smirk that says it's something he takes pride in.

You can't recall yourself ever being big into karaoke either, but that's not to say you didn't like it. Simply, you had never had the time or wish to go previously. Now, with several professional singers sitting in your circle, a thrill of anticipation creeps up your spine.

"I'm all in." you grin.

__________________________________________

The karaoke bar Baekhyun chooses for your group is on the same side of town. It seems to be the only one anyone is willing to drive to at this hour that has decent private rooms. They've carpooled, but still drove enough cars that there were a few empty seats between the three vehicles.

You laugh once more, recalling the face Junmyeon pulled when you told them you and Soohyun would catch a lyft to the address, just the same way you made it from your apartment to the bar.

He absolutely is not going to let that happen. Junmyeon didn't drive his own car tonight, but somehow rearranged the members so that Soohyun was cramming into the back seat of Chanyeol's Mercedes Benz with both you and Junmyeon, while Baekhyun rode shotgun.

The vocalist handles Chanyeol's aux cord well, and you understand why he is the center of activity among their group. His chatty nature and sunny personality combine well with Chanyeol's infectious happiness. You admire them together in silence, happy that they appear so at ease with each other and you.

Junmyeon and Soohyun are carrying on a conversation you're not inspired to follow about sports. Instead, you look out of the window, watching the city blur past in a complex pattern of shapes and lights, humming along to a tune Baekhyun has deemed worthy of letting play. Your hand is in Junmyeon's and you smile at his attentiveness, letting you know he is still paying attention to you with the way his thumb softly strokes back and forth over your knuckles as he talks.

Chanyeol's car is comfortable, and you find you like the way he drives. Normally, you would be worried about getting into the car with someone you don't really know, but you're beginning to realize you break a lot of your normal nuances for Junmyeon. You watch Chanyeol's face in the barely glowing blue reflection on the windshield. His eyes flick to Baekhyun briefly, one hand tapping the beat into the top of the steering wheel where his hand is spread across it. His other hand remains comfortably on the top of the gearshift.

You catch his eyes casually in his reflection, but he only smiles a little wider and warmer. He is the first, although you've never spoken directly to him, to make you feel wholly welcome and comfortable. Baekhyun's fingers climb the top of Chanyeol's hand on the gearshift, poking it in time with the tune as he sings softly.

________________________________________

The private room provided for your group is large, with a plush couch, bean bag chairs and cushions of various sizes surrounding a large table in the center of the room. There are stage lights above the massive television monitor on the wall and a shelf where the karaoke system and accessories are housed beneath.

Almost immediately, the group of boys begin to fall into different seats. Junmyeon is kind enough to turn on the console, placing the mics down on the table. He picks up the remote and fiddles with the lighting. It becomes drastically brighter with white light and a hiss of protest works itself around the room.

"Sorry." he laughs, turning the lights off altogether and turning the stage lights to a pretty pink color before he looks back at you for approval.

Automatically he frowns, seeing you in the center of the couch with a grinning pair of eyes on either side of you. Jongin throws his best aegyo at him while Baekhyun just laughs at the pout Junmyeon gives.

You can't help thinking how adorable he looks. Under any other, more... public circumstances, you know you should be extremely careful with your interactions among these idols, especially their leader.

Looking around, you let yourself relax. You're in a private lounge with them, not in public. Exhaling your anxieties, you look up to your favorite among them and pat the couch in front of your legs.

Junmyeon beams at you, walking over and sinking immediately to the floor in front of you and resting his back against the couch. Throwing his own caution to the wind, he reaches back for your hand turns his head, gently brushing his lips along your fingertips before he places your hand against his shoulder.

Minseok approaches the console with an enthusiastic sort of wiggle.There are conversations all happening at once, and at the same time you realize they are all aware of the talks happening around them and involved. It's strange to watch them weaving in and out of multiple discussions.

Soohyun catches your eyes from his place in a bean bag chair in front of the table. Sehun is lounging beside him, laughing about something. You want to be shocked if the two of them are hitting it off, but you're not surprised because Soohyun is just that type of person. He can be friends with anyone.

You don't recognize the upbeat pop song Minseok is singing aloud. Even so, the timbre of his voice sounds nice. His cat-like eyes are hyper focused on the screen as he sings, but he's smiling. Jongdae sits on the other side of the table, swaying his body to the beat and giving Minseok his undivided attention.

"Do you like video games?" Baekhyun suddenly blurts from beside you. At first you're not sure he is even talking to you, until he leans in, waiting for your answer.

You laugh loudly, and it makes both he and Jongin smile, laughing with you. You can feel Junmyeon's shoulders shake, too. He knows you laugh too loudly when you're nervous.

"Uh," you try to recover, "I do, but I haven't played in years."

"Why not?" Jongin interrupts curiously.

These boys are making you think about cherished memories. Idly, your fingers creep up the back of Junmyeon's head while you think, softly carding through his hair.

"I don't have any. I used to play with my brother a lot when we were kids, but when we grew up and he moved away he took the consoles with him."

Baekhyun curls his lips into a tight line, nodding in understanding, "Ah, I see."

Jongin is silent for a moment before, "You should come to the dorms sometime and play with us."

Beneath your fingers, Junmyeon freezes. You worry it's a bad sign, as if he doesn't want you to get that close, that personal.

As much fun as you want to believe it could be, you don't want to overstep Junmyeon's privacy. "I appreciate it, but I don't think I'd ever have the time." you say instead. It's not totally a lie.

The tension in Junmyeon's shoulders doesn't go away. You choose to ignore it, instead focusing on Chanyeol's attempt at singing a foreign pop song at his highest possible pitch and extravagant running-in-place movements. To your left, Baekhyun is grinning at him like an idiot.

A server enters in the middle of it, bringing a round of drinks you never knew there was an order for. A bottle of soju sounds good right now, you think, but before you drink anything more, you should probably use the restroom.

Beside you, the shorter idol is handed a bottle of it, flavored peach. "Excuse me, may I order the same thing?" you politely request, gesturing to the green bottle settled against the singer's lips.

The server nods without a word, leaving the room once the rest of the drinks are delivered. Jongin gets up, letting you off the couch, "I'll be right back." you tell the handsome man sitting on the floor.

He smiles at you, but it doesn't last, "Okay."

You notice Soohyun's head turn to you mid conversation, waiting, but you wave at him, mouthing 'bathroom' before making your exit.

Gods your feet are killing you. Wistfully you smile, happy you won't have to fight to find the restrooms. The glowing sign is just down the hall.

When you emerge from the ladies room, you're surprised to find Jongdae standing against the wall just outside.

"Hey." you greet sheepishly, not sure what else to do. It feels like he has something to say, so you linger with him in the darkness of the corridor. It sounds like the walls are alive, tones of heavy bass thumping through every room. The smell of cigarettes makes you scrunch up your nose.

Jongdae laughs quietly, shaking his head and removing himself from the wall, "Are you enjoying yourself tonight?"

You consider his question, "This isn't how I anticipated the night to go, but it's been good so far." you say with a smile.

He beams at you in a silent laugh, "Good, good." Offhand, you register his beauty when he smiles. It's dazzling, but the sharp, feline corners of his eyes aren't quite right and you find yourself frowning that it isn't Junmyeon smiling in front of you right now. The crescent shape of his eyes and the soft upturned crinkle at each corner is something you've grown fond of.

It's silent but the man in front of you puffs out his cheeks; you get the feeling there are more words that Jongdae isn't saying.

You're about to excuse yourself back to the room, but a gentle hand stops you, "Thank you." The look of confusion you send him prompts him to elaborate with a sigh, "For treating him well, I suppose."

"Oh." The gesture of his thanks warms you through and for just a moment you can understand why his brothers call him the kindest of them all. Even though this is awkward, standing in an aphotic hallway of some random karaoke bar in the middle of the night with a girl you barely know who is fucking your brother. You share a smile of understanding between you until he speaks again.

"It's nice to feel like you belong to someone and vice versa, you know?" he comments further. The expression on his face almost says he knows exactly what he's talking about but has chosen to cryptically ask you instead. It's serene.

"I'm not sure I follow." you reply, eyes looking to the floor, cringing at the cheesy coloring of the faded carpet.

Jongdae scoffs, but his words aren't rude, "You don't? Hm... I thought you would, since you're his." Jongdae isn't the type of person to speak with the intention to bleed, that is clear. Still, the simple words pang through your chest like a stone down an empty well.

"Ah, I mean, I'm n-" you begin weakly, your response cut short by a stronger voice.

"She doesn't belong to me...she doesn't belong to anyone." Junmyeon adds, joining you both.

The younger man's eyes widen, but he doesn't comment further for a long moment. His brows furrow, "That's interesting." he says with a tilt of his head, dusting off the nonexistent dirt from his pants. Jongdae turns, inching himself out of the space between you and Junmyeon, "I'll head back then."

You try to read the older man's expression and the tone he used, but he gives you nothing more than a slightly knitted brow and eyes that are trying to hold yours, and you're left wondering if he is upset or simply stating facts.

"We weren't..." you flounder, taken aback by your own crumbling walls yielding to the intensity of his stare. You have nothing to feel bad about.

When your eyes lift to meet his, Junmyeon seems amused, "I know." he whispers with a grin. Still, he doesn't move, anticipating your squirming limbs under the scrutiny of his gaze.

"Why are you nervous?" he chuckles. His head leans closer to yours and you shift back to look up at his face. You're surprised he can tell this about you just from body language, and it makes your heart flutter, pounding even harder against your sternum. You gawk at yourself internally. Since when did you lose your resolve and let him affect you like this?

Running a set of painted nails over your face, you collect yourself and smile, "I think you were a little jealous."

Junmyeon has the audacity to huff, eyes going wide, "Me, jealous?" He adjusts his posture, lowering his voice a hair as a server passes you both in the dim lighting of the hallway. She doesn't spare either of you a glance, intently focused on not falling head over heels - literally - while balancing a tray of cocktails on her palm.

Your eyes follow her. In the span of the six seconds she's invading the narrow hallway, you come to feel sorry for her. She's clearly uncomfortable and out of place, her free hand glued to the bottom of her short skirt, tugging it over her stocking-clad legs. The working woman inside of you mourns for her until Junmyeon is pulling your attention back to his handsome features.

"I don't get jealous." your lover focuses, his pouting bottom lip looks very kissable in the dingy light.

You stand up straighter and you poke at his lip with your index finger, unable to hide the color of humor in your voice when you answer, "Suho may not get jealous, but I think Junmyeon can be a little envious."

Subconsciously, he kisses at your fingertip, gently pressing against the pad while he thinks of an answer. A firm 'no' is all he says.

You don't really want to dig too deep into this but you believe you would also like to perhaps explore his possessive side more.

"Are you jealous that I don't belong to anyone or are you jealous that I was talking to Jongdae? Which is ridiculous, by the way."

He bites back immediately, "I said I wasn't jealous. I don't care who you talk to or belong to."

A pause follows, but he doesn't say anything else for the moment. You chew your bottom lip, your hands dropping to slide across his arms idly. His eyes follow the innocent path of your hands back and forth, fixed on the dark shade of your glimmering nail polish.

You have to ask him, "You don't?" Cocking your head before adding, "So, what if Jongdae kissed me?" You knew that wouldn't be the case because you aren't interested or invested in that particular set of chocolate eyes and rich vocals. There is only one brand of that for you and it belongs to Junmyeon. You just aren't ready to admit that to him, or yourself.

There is an unmistakable flash of something painful that passes through Junmyeon's features. His jaw goes tight and his eyes stay fixed on your hands, but he says nothing. Slowly, the corners of his lips melt into a frown. You can feel his skin grow hot beneath your palms, or is that you beginning to sweat?

So you provoke him further. You generally want to know, and logically you consider if breaching this side of him will result in the conversation you think you need to have about the situation you keep finding yourself in with him.

Leaning into him you whisper, "What if I fucked someone else?"

First, you hear him hiss. Then he jerks back, his spine snapping straight as he grabs your hand and pulls you back into the bathroom.

His grip is still tight on your hand while he waits for one single breath. When he is confident there isn't anyone else here, he whirls on you, shoving at you gently until your back meets the heavy weight of the door.

His hand releases you to flick the lock shut and you flinch at the loud sound the snap generates.

Your eyes lift to meet his. There's an emotion you can't describe set deep into the scowl he wears. Those dark pools of brown drop away from your own eyes. They focus on your lips before he growls, suddenly cupping your face in both of his hands and kissing you roughly.

You gasp into his mouth and this time you understand there is no room for chivalrous behavior. He immediately takes advantage of your parted lips, his tongue greedy in it's claim of your own. Everything about this kiss screams his authority and threatens to swallow you whole. You absolutely relish in it.

Your hands climb his shoulders, digging your fingernails into the collar of his shirt and across his skin. One of his own drops to your hip, bunching your dress and pushing your squirming pelvis against the door just as he slots one leg between yours.

The pressure at your center is heavy as he presses his thigh against you, pulling a moan from your chest. Junmyeon releases your hip, allowing you to roll them against the fabric of his jeans. His lips remain where they were, smearing the flavored gloss of your balm against his own.

So unlike the other times you've done this with him, he is biting your lip, sucking it lewdly into his mouth and pinching the delicate flesh with his teeth whenever he feels like it, just to hear your appreciative fussing.

He releases your mouth with a pop, angling himself back to watch you. His breath is hot against your heated cheek where he tries to fight the thundering of his blood, "You're not fucking someone else." he murmurs, Adams apple bobbing with the air he is forced to take.

It takes you a moment to understand what he means, because he is right, you're not. It's hard to remember why he would say that when he has his perfectly sculpted thigh flexed tightly against your aching clit, even through all of the layers of clothing between you.

You swallow hard, licking your lips as you slow your hips against him, "But what if I was?"

Junmyeon laughs desolately, his hand slipping from your face to your neck and he tilts his head, letting the fingers brush against the column of your throat. Bringing his lips to your ear, he bites you again. His lips plant wet, open mouthed kisses high on your neck. You think you might get high just from the obscene sounds of his mouth so close to your ear alone. You gasp when he speaks again.

"Because if you were, I would say they're doing a very poor job of it." he whispers against your skin, suddenly biting the flesh there, sucking hard enough to make you cry out.

You breathe, panting into his own ear, "What?"

Junmyeon chuckles, lifting his head so he can stare at the place where your core is pressed against him, "You're soaking my jeans already, just from this?"

You want to speak but nothing more than a garbled moan passes over your lips, red and swollen from him.

"Does this excite you? It drives me crazy. You...drive me crazy." he drawls.

He tuts his tongue at you and your eyes follow his down. Surely enough, your cheeks flood with heat at the realization that you are very much wet and staining his jeans.

It's oddly hot, scorching a flush into your bones at the sight of it. At the notion that for the rest of the night Junmyeon will be walking around with this very obvious exclamation of your activities. Of your mutual obsession and possession of each other. You probably will, too, with the tenderness you can feel growing from his mouth against your neck.

Your heart flutters when you realize he's grinning at you with his bottom lip between his teeth. He knows he's right, tucking that smirk into his cheek as he guides your hips into more forceful motion against him.

The pressure rips a moan from your throat. Your throat that his lips are attached to again, his palms too warm against your face where they press to make your head fall back and expose more skin to his hungry mouth.

"Do you want me to fuck you? Here, in public? In this dirty bathroom?" he breathes against you. It sends sparks down your spine and you grind yourself harder against him.

"Yes." you whine at him, your hands gripping tightly to his biceps.

You do your best to bring your knee up against his crotch gently, prompting him in some way, but he refuses, "No. I'm not fucking you tonight."

The sentence has you whimpering into the air between you. This time, you aren't in any position to dictate how the events will play out for you. Junmyeon is in full control, guiding your body how he sees fit, and you love every second of it.

Hotly, he groans against the side of your neck, "Bad girls don't get what they want."

He licks your ear, gently tugging the lobe between his teeth. When he releases it, he whispers, "Tonight you're going to ride my thigh until you come."

You realize you're not sure when you closed your eyes, but you squeeze them tighter anyway, imagining the stain it will leave behind in your mind with a sigh. Your cunt clenches once around nothing, serving to remind you just how empty he is leaving you tonight.

Perhaps when it's over and you regain the clarity for proper thought you will be grateful, understanding that Junmyeon is still being so good to you, instead of denying you any orgasm at all. Somewhere in the back of your mind you know it's because this gets him off just as much.

The coil in your gut is winding tighter and you're certain if he were filling you right now you would be shattering into a million pieces. The roughness of his jeans is an adjustment, the wetness and friction of the material causing the thin silk of your panties to fold and create one more bump for your clit to catch against.

Junmyeon hisses, "I can't wait to see everyone's faces when we go back." and his lips are kissing at your own again. His hands are in your hair and against your neck, lightly pulling you to look at him as he claims your mouth desperately, "I can't wait for them to know I'm the only one who makes you fall apart. Even without fucking you."

Another deep kiss before he opens his mouth again. As if he can't stop confessing the dirty thoughts he is having. Gods, just hearing him talk to you like this is enough you think. You're panting openly, teeth beginning to clench as he pilots your trembling thighs in a punishing rhythm.

"That I'm the one you're fucking. I want to make them jealous just by this proof alone. Look at you, you're a mess." The kiss he places on your lips after the words is tender, "So beautiful." he murmurs.

You're so close. So fucking close and so turned on and so sad all at once that his cock isn't buried deep inside of you, where you wish it was. That he isn't moaning out his release right alongside you.

He talks again as you chase your high, "Tell me I'm right, sweetheart. Tell me it's only me that you think of when you're alone in your bed." His forehead presses against your own, his own breath falling into the humid space you're panting into.

Your limbs seize up. Only a few more weak rotations of your hips will do it, but he pulls his leg away. Immediately, you cry with frustration.

"Tell me." he demands, eyes boring into yours with a smile. It lights your veins on fire and you feel like you might just find your release in his words only. You're so close, and you're not willing to fight him on it because you both know he's right.

Although he is demanding this of you, there's an edge to his voice and in his face that is asking you for reassurance that you feel the same way about him. Something not demanding at all but pleading. A softness you're hoping is him looking at you and begging you to confirm that his feelings for you are matched.

His fingers ghost over the wetness of your panties and you moan, "It's you." you mumble, desperately rolling your hips toward him.

Junmyeon returns his leg to you with a smile, allowing you to take your fill and use him. Luckily, it doesn't take long for your impending release to return. Not with the way he is kissing at your face and your neck and biting softly, following the subtle pain with licks of pleasure.

"Only you make me feel this way." you whimper against his hair quietly between your ragged breaths. Junmyeon stills his mouth but you're vaguely aware you can feel his lips stretch into a smile against your neck as his arms wind around you a little tighter.

You moan again, body trembling in his grasp, "I don't want anyone else to make me feel this way. Junmyeonnie, fuck... I- I don't want to bel... belong to anyone else."

He raises his head and watches you with parted lips and an awed expression on his face. It's enough for you to take one last peek before your eyes screw shut and your back arches off the door with a high pitched cry against his shoulder.

Junmyeon holds you through your orgasm, rocking your hips against his thigh until you're sagging back against the wood, spent. Your chest heaves. It is while you're recovering your breath do you understand the magnitude of what you said as you shattered into a million pieces for him and only for him.

He didn't miss it, either. However, your heart doesn't ache in the aftermath of it. It doesn't hold itself out on a wire or wait to fall because the pure fondness Junmyeon is regarding you with tells you all you need to know.

Suddenly, he smiles, wide and happy, before his lips claim yours again. This kiss is disarming in a way that has your body melting into him. There's no urgency to claim or to break away. Just a repetitive locking of wet lips slotted together in harmony, lingering in comfort against each other.

As you recover from your bliss, you catch the scent of your orgasm, all of your juices concentrated in one place and held like a trophy in the fibers of Junmyeon's ruined jeans. You cover your mouth when you see it, laughing as if you can't believe it's real.

He smiles down at it, too, raising his brows at you in a suggestive appeal. "Thank you." he says simply, as if you had just given him the best gift. Neither of you is willing to disturb the moment by regarding the deeper, obscure meaning of it.

Instead, he reaches past you to unlock the door, softly brushing the crimps of your dress out as he lowers it back to it's proper place.

He kisses the center of your forehead at your hair line with thinned lips, barely able to contain his schoolboy grin. His laugh breaks the silence and he shakes his head.

You're still a bit light-headed, smiling up at him and wondering why he's shaking his head, "What's so funny?" you ask.

Humming, he pulls you back into his embrace, wrapping his arms around you and tucking your head into his collar. He nuzzles your hair, "I was going to ask you for your number now but it seems I left my phone back in the room."

The affection wound into his statement warms you through, sticky sweet and thick like honey. "Oh." you giggle along with him.

Separating yourself from him to stand on two feet, you notice you don't have yours either, "Me, too."

"I'm serious, by the way." Junmyeon says quietly, avoiding your eyes by smoothing a hand over your hair. The gesture makes you smile ardently at him, a hum of appreciation sounding from your throat.

"I'm glad you are. How else are we supposed to get in contact if we keep making a habit of this?" you reply easily. An urge to step into him again and bury your face in his neck surfaces, but you don't want to be too clingy. The embarrassment of your confession not five minutes ago is still heating your face and making your throat dry.

Junmyeon grins, pulling open the door, "I guess we better go make sure we follow through then, huh?"

When the door to the room slides open and you and Junmyeon try your best to look completely normal, you lace your fingers together in front of you to stop them from shaking. You're so desperate to keep your composure, but you can feel the heat of every pair of eyes flickering over your body.

Not sure what else to do as you make your way back to the couch, you look at your lover. His lips are twitched into a proud smile and he meets every pair of eyes looking back at him without any ounce of shame. It does nothing to quell your nerves as Chanyeol nervously coughs and restarts his song on the karaoke machine.

The couch only has one Yixing clinging to it's well worn comfort, his legs draped one across the other, deeply relaxed as he appears to have sunk far into the black cushions. He doesn't say anything even though you watch his eyes fall to Junmyeon's pants and then your neck. While you make yourself busy trying to be comfortable on the opposite end of the couch, you observe the other man nodding his head and offering Junmyeon a raised fist.

They bump them together. You want to snort a laugh at the ridiculousness of it, opting to snicker with your palm covering your smile. Something hard presses against your bottom and you realize it's yours and Junmyeon's cellphones, abandoned there on the couch. You hand him his as you pocket yours without checking it. Everything you care about is here with you right now.

Once the initial shock of your return settles over the group, the atmosphere rebounds to normal in the span of fifteen minutes. Beside you, Junmyeon seems content to just watch. Jongin settles on the floor at your feet with a grunt and a deep sigh, puffing out his cheeks when he shakes his soju bottle to realize it's empty.

"What's the matter?" you lean down to whisper.

He pouts up at you over his shoulder, "Soju's empty. I want to drink more but I shouldn't."

Jongin repeats the motion of shaking the empty bottle again and you laugh, "Why shouldn't you?"

He peers at you as if it must be obvious, "Yah do you know how much sugar is in these? They're so bad for you but so good!" he exclaims. His pillowy lips and bright eyes are so adorable you have to resist cooing at him.

Junmyeon comments, "Good choice."

For five minutes you've been able to feel Soohyun's eyes boring into you from the same place you left him. There's quite the collection of empty alcohol bottles sitting on the table in front of he and Sehun. Both of them seem plastered, but laughing at everything that comes out of each others mouths with wide smiles and lots of bromantic slaps of hands on one another.

Still- he's watching you carefully. Surveying you for something you're not certain of. You choose to ignore it.

"Seems our Sehunnie has a drinking buddy." Jongin muses aloud. His lopsided grin shows more teeth on one side. It's cute.

"Yeah, it does." you beam, "I'm glad. Soohyun needs someone who can match him drink for drink."

All three of the members with you laugh at the same time. Junmyeon lets you in on what's funny, "Oh don't you worry. Sehunnie might be the youngest but can drink all of us under the table except for Minseok hyung."

Trying to picture it in your head is hilarious. The youngest and almost the largest among them, save for Chanyeol, facing off against the eldest and smallest. After a moment you're giggling right along with them.

In your absence someone has figured out how to change the lighting so that the stage lights blink and fade in pulses. For a while you zone out and feel how tired your body is after the dancing and the drinking and the adrenaline. It feels like your mind is awake and aware but your limbs are too heavy to move much. With a smile you let your imagination tell you that if a zombie apocalypse broke out right now you would surely die.

Junmyeon's arm is making a nice pillow, draped over your shoulders at the back of the couch. The thought that this is in part a display of claim makes you smile. You're aware that it shouldn't because it means complex trouble, but you let yourself enjoy the moment anyway. The affection and freedom to hang on one another the way a normal couple might. You silence your brain with the scent of his cologne when it tries to tell you anything else.

Jongin's smooth voice on the floor to your right drowns out Kyungsoo's soulful vocals at the karaoke machine, uncaring to put up airs of politeness when you and Junmyeon are being extravagantly obvious. You almost wish you could blame it on the atmosphere and the alcohol and the fun. Rather, you remind yourself of Junmyeon's words the last time you saw one another. You let yourself be selfish.

"You look so tired all of the sudden. Did hyung wear you out that much?" You want to believe he is asking because he is genuinely curious, but the glimmer of mischief in his eyes tells you he wants to tease his elder.

Beside you, Junmyeon is smug, curling his lips tight over his teeth and rubbing at his chin with one finger. The flush that lights your face like a Christmas tree is obvious even through the haze of the colored stage lights. There's nothing to say, but you're getting high on the fact that everyone can see and smell what you've been up to with him. Of the thought of his hands and mouth on you.

The younger man laughs. That same pretty laugh that sounds like a bell that you pick out from a distance every time. "Sorry. I mean, not really though. Even before the uh...yeah." he tilts his head once quickly to the side in his lack of proper words, "It was still clear that you're together."

You're half expecting Junmyeon to stiffen beside you, but he doesn't. Peeking up at him, he's just watching you in return with a warm smile. He looks breathtaking drenched in the royal blue of the overhead lights. Every bit like the king of his given element. The Water King.

"We, um..." you want to explain, to not lead him astray in thinking you're an item if that's not what it is. If you're being honest, you're not sure what you are with Junmyeon anymore. Were you ever sure of what this is or was? Your heart feels like something has shifted this time, but maybe you've just had too much to drink.

You chastise yourself. You're not even buzzed.

Junmyeon speaks this time, "We aren't together...right now." It's your turn to stiffen, until he continues, "We have to talk about it more."

Jongin scoffs, "Yeah, it's pretty apparent you mustn't do much talking when you're too busy doing all of that." His eyes flick to your lovers thighs.

Lightly, you kick his shoulder, "Don't be like that."

He frowns at you, twisting himself away with a false grimace, "Don't get me wrong, I'm happy for you noona, but why not?"

Your eyes fall to your lap, "It's complicated." you whisper, your smile warping into an expression that says even you don't understand it.

Jongin pouts, "Complicated? What, just because we're idols?"

"That's part of it. At the least something to consider." Junmyeon confirms.

The younger man huffs at you both, his eyes lifting to look at you sitting there on the couch together in disbelief, "That's a terrible excuse."

"I thin-" you start, but Jongin interrupts you.

"I think it's pretty obvious you have great sex." Junmyeon kicks him this time with a hiss, harder than you had but not enough to cause injury.

He continues anyway, rubbing his shoulder, "I think you're both afraid of how good it could be. Of how well you get along and how comfortable you already are with each other."

There's a lump forming in your throat. He's right, you just aren't ready to admit it because it is absolutely terrifying. Junmyeon's frame is still pressed into your side. His presence is still warm and comforting although he remains silent.

"Other than the ridiculous way you're constantly making goo goo eyes at each other, it's still easy to tell you're important to hyung. I don't know you well enough to say the same for you, but you don't strike me as the type to be that flimsy." Jongin expresses his sentiments with a soft smile.

His words make your heart squeeze tight, beating stronger against your ribs. Before you can respond, Junmyeon's lips find the side of your head for no reason at all. Jongin is still smiling tenderly at you, and when your eyes briefly catch Yixing's on the other side of your lover, he's smiling at you kindly, too.

You can feel eyes on you from around the room. When you glance, Baekhyun, Soohyun and to your shock, Sehun, are all mirroring the delicate smiles at you and their leader. Chanyeol is, too, even while effortlessly singing the words to an old acoustic ballad in his deep, throaty tone. The remaining members aren't present or are otherwise busy looking at their phones.

"You would know better than most of us, I guess." Junmyeon addresses him with a grin, "Between you and Baekhyun."

Jongin flashes a wide smirk, letting it melt into a wistful smile, "Yeah."

It's all he says, effectively ending the conversation. The air doesn't feel as tense as it was, and god are you exhausted. The content feeling of this night and the orgasm and the couch and the fun and Junmyeon sink into your very bones and will it to rest. If you're not careful, you feel like you'll fall asleep here, and you still need to ensure Soohyun gets home safe and sound. His cat, Mingho, would claw your eyes out if she had to spend the night alone. Sometimes you think she's too attached.

Pulling your phone from your dress pocket, you hiss quietly. Your lock screen glares harshly back at you, the pretty pastel pink coloring of the clock doing nothing to soften the blow to your retinas.

04.17am

It's later than you expected, but you don't have work until the evening. Instead, you drop it to your lap with a shrug, startled when Junmyeon picks it up not one second later.

"Care to explain?" he whispers, pressing the home button and illuminating the lock screen again.

Staring back at you, behind the clock and notification bar, is a selfie of Lee Jongsuk. You laugh openly in return and take your phone back.

Junmyeon pouts, "I should be offended!" You shake your head at him with a grin, swiping your passpattern by muscle memory.

When the screen unlocks, you turn it toward him. Staring back at him now, is his own latest social media selfie.

"Oh."

Again, you're laughing. You laugh so hard you squirm, wanting to kick your legs about. He laughs with you this time, at least. After a moment he adds, "Still. It doesn't even have to be me, but not another man. Least of all not him!"

"I'm not sorry. Kang Cheol is perfect." your joke makes him frown.

"He's a comic book character, of course he's perfect." the deadpan snark in his tone has even Jongin scoffing a laugh from his place on the floor.

"Fine, fine. I'll change it, you brat."

Junmyeon smirks, "Alright, I'll remember that for next time." and it makes your blood run a little hotter. Your internal glutton for punishment is clapping her hands in glee. Junmyeon being dominant with you was not something you initially anticipated, but it is something you have been delighted to experience thus far.

It takes you a moment, but you push his buttons further by selecting a public selfie from Chanyeol and making that your lock screen.

"Yah, Chanyeollie?!" Junmyeon's curse makes the younger boy look up, wide eyed and handsome.

The green colored lighting and the karaoke screen illuminate him with a gentle glow as he gives you attention, striding easily over the folded legs scattered around the room.

You turn the brightness of your phone down before you turn it to show him your lockscreen. He laughs so hard he melts to the floor, slapping Jongin in the arm before he lifts it for a high-five with you.

"I'm so flattered." Chanyeol declares. Only after Jongin takes a moment to explain the story to him does he laugh loudly again.

Grinning, he praises you, "Savage. I like her, hyung. She'll fit right in with all of us."

The elder simply rolls his eyes with a shake of his head.

"But," Junmyeon lets his chin fall to your shoulder, "Do you want to put my number in there now?"

You smile at him, "Oh, I almost forgot!"

He waits for you to bring up an empty text, whispering one number at a time to you, ghosting a kiss over your ear with each one. He breathes a laugh and smiles sweetly at you when you send the number a singular heart emoji.

From within his pocket, you can feel his cellphone buzz twice in quick succession.

Saving his number, you type the name 'Junmyeon' into the contact name space with a single red heart and he tsks.

"Shouldn't it be Suho?"

Of course he would say that. It's been your thing every time you meet.

"I'm not changing it." The finality with which you tell him and then promptly shove your thumb against the save button makes him laugh.

His lips find the skin of your bare shoulder, humming a peck into the skin, "Thank you."

It only takes a fraction of a turn for you to comfortably reach his lips. There's some sort of comfort in them, soft and warm and real. Just pressing against yours without rush. Like the kiss you shared in the bathroom after your earlier activities. Like the kisses you've imagined might come from someone you really love.

It's sweet and simple and the world around you doesn't matter at all. You break apart with grins on your faces at Jongin's loud mocking of your PDA.

"Fucking gross."

[spinel-swell]

OKAY DOMINATOR TIME, COMIC AND EPISODE DESCRIPTION UNDER THE CUT. THERE ARE SO MANY WORDS I’M SO SORRY I JUST KEPT GOING. ALSO DON’T READ THE TAGS FIRST

THIS IS THE THIRD TIME I’M WRITING THIS POST IT KEEPS GETTING DELETED OH GOD. Sorry if this is disappointing to some people, I just went with my heart. There are a LOT of words here.

Okay. Please watch/rewatch the episode before reading this and the comic.

The episode starts out normally! Wander’s playing capture the flag, Hater’s tryna kill him, Peepers is exhausted, Sylvia is beating up Watchdogs, and Spinel is teaching about a third of the Watchdogs how to do handstands. 

Then, Dominator shows up. 

You would think that this episode would focus more on Spinel, but no! Sylvia, through desperation of making sure at least one of her friends is safe, asks Spinel to stay on the planet and make sure everyone and everything gets off safe. Obviously, Spinel isn’t gonna take this extremely well, but she still stays. Just... with building anxiety.

After that, most of the episode just goes on normally, with a few token mentions of Spinel and wanting to get back to her as fast as possible. Sylvia is trapped in a lava ball, Wander is trapped against the wall, and Hater and Peepers get brought into the room eventually by a Dombot, and Dominator is still maintaining her cold (well, not really cold), indifferent facade.

By this point, the view switches to Spinel, who’s pacing back and forth on the surface of the planet, punching herself in the head (with added squeaky sound effects) and trying to ignore her growing concern, but it’s getting harder and harder with each passing second. Eventually, it gets too much, and she stretches into the ship.

Inside the ship, Hater gets angry and traps Dominator, frees Wander, and la-dee-da everything goes like normal. Then when Dominator is attacking Hater with a fountain of lava, Spinel is brought in looking mildly perturbed by a swarm of miniature Dombots, who have her in restraints. Sylvia calls out to her, Spinel smiles, stretches out of her restraints, and begins walking over. Then, she stops. She notices what’s going on, and looks confused, then concerned. Spinel realizes that it wasn’t that her friends were making her wait, it was this... weird, hulking person. Who were they??  So, obviously, she stretches her arm out and just... snatches Dom’s face-plate right off of her helmet. 

Everyone in the room freezes, including Dominator. The lava shooting at Hater stops and he falls to the floor. She was not expecting that. She hadn’t even noticed Spinel escape her restraints, or even enter the ship with everything else going on. Not fair. So Dominator reacts in classic fashion, with obvious frustration and disappointment. “UGH! Are you kidding me?! Do you know how long it took to set all that up? You RUINED IT!” Spinel blinks. Everyone blinks. Sylvia and Peepers start herding their respective weirdo friends out of Dominator’s attack range (Sylvia still rolling around in a lava ball), while Spinel takes a step closer, confusion written all over her face. “Uhh... whazzat?” “Um, HELLO? The bots, the awesome outfit, the way I was totally destroying you dorks before you went and cheated me out of my entrance?” Dominator groans. “What a disappointment... oh well. I can still destroy you nerds and then obliterate your little galaxy even harder than I was already planning to!” Spinel just looks confused. And slightly disturbed. This person was... familiar, in a weird, uncomfortable way. Like... potential. But bad potential, the kind that made her gem feel tight in the chest of her form. She just didn’t make sense. “Wh... why d’you want to do all that?”

Dominator rolls her eyes, looking extremely irritated at this entire exchange. Her response completely encapsulates her uncaring frustration. “Uh, why not? I’ve got nothing better to do. Crushing your galaxy, looking out over screaming and crying faces, blah blah, you know. Fun stuff.” She grins down at them all, expecting terror. She gets a lot of different reactions, fear, hatred, confusion, disappointment. 

A lot of little tiny, repressed realizations come back in full force, after all the adventures Spinel has yet had with her little group. Mixed with the anxiousness of that day, the reminder of how it feels to be alone, the confusion and shock- Spinel is silent for a little bit. Then...

The slam of Spinel’s massive gloved hands cracks the glass separating them from the massive Dombot control room. Alarm lights start blinking.

Sylvia and Wander stand in shock. Spinel had shown her temper before, on a couple occasions, but... this was... different. She looked... worryingly scary. Like she might do something she’d regret. They look at each other.

Dominator throws up a hand and shoots lava at Spinel, which drips down her light form and hardens, before breaking apart as Spinel grows in size just slightly and makes a crushing swipe towards the villain. Dominator dodges, and starts throwing more and more at Spinel, who is either unaffected by the lava completely, by virtue of being made out of solid light and a rock, and by Dominator’s organic weapons (like the darts that make your tongue swell up) by... well, also being made out of solid light and a rock. Sorry Dom, your attacks are meant for people who have, y’know. Actual bodies. And aren’t physically about as tough as diamonds.

Dominator is backed into the control panel, looking both extremely angry and also understandably intimidated. She dodges to the side as Spinel screeches and hits the control panel with a massive fist. It breaks and sparks, and the Dombot control room begins to explode and fill up with lava. Spinel shrinks a bit and starts freaking spinning like a top and slicing into the lava walls while she chases Dominator around the room. Dominator is fast, and nimble, and strong, but she’s still not a gem. And she’s never seen a gem. Nobody has. There was no way she could’ve anticipated... this. As we all know, this is unexpected even to other gems, let alone an organic being. Spinel slings her arms around and stops the spinning attack long enough to fling a massive hand out to grab Dominator. She lifts another fist up in preparation for a punch- “SPINEL, DON’T!!” Wander has his hand out, looking panicked, and Spinel stops to get a better look at her friends. They look scared. So do Hater and Peepers. She looks back at Dominator and- whoops, Dom’s already left her suit. She’s on the ground and backing away. Spinel looks at her, and her body shrinks- but with one massive hand still holding the suit. She looks Dominator in the eyes and crushes the suit into lava. Speaking of lava- the glass breaks and the room begins flooding with it. Dominator sprints towards the wall, which opens a doorway that melts away as soon as she goes through. Spinel grabs all of her friends- Hater and Peepers included- breaks Sylvia’s restraints, and grabs on. They barely make it, but they do, thanks to Hater and his electric powers.  Understandably, Hater and Peepers get out of there as fast as possible. Spinel is... quiet. Looking at the ground. Wander and Sylvia walk over to her, and it takes them each placing a hand on her shoulders for her to finally break down. They’re gonna need to talk.

The name for this changed episode would be: The Greater Dominator. SOrry to huge Dominator fans, they BOTH have fantastic villain songs, but- at least in MY mind- Spinel would outmatch Dom in a fight. And... well, wouldn’t like her very much. She reminds her of her least favorite bits about herself.

Noo... I can see why you asked though on a level. Uhh. She wouldn’t have a crush on Dominator, but she could crush Dominator. ALSO THANk YOU FOR THE COMPLIMENT SORRY FOR THE COMPLETE AND UTTER DIFFERENCE IN HOW THIS TURNED OUT.

I think that would be a lot of what Season 2 would end up being about, after this. Spinel is going to have a much harder time, uh, controlling herself. It’s difficult. She just has so many years of stored up emotions that are looking to EXPLODE, and this confrontation with Dom was only the beginning.

NEEDLESS TO SAY, Dominator’s appearances will be DIFFERENT. Alike to Hater’s approach, but for different reasons, she’s gonna try to avoid Spinel. And because the trio move around to so many planets, conquering the galaxy just got a whole lot harder. Later on, she might have... different motivations.

Hater has no idea how he sees Dominator now. I mean, obviously she’s a hot lady. But also, uhhhhhh, that sure was something wasn’t it. The threat seems... lesser, now. He might actually end up seeing her as more rival than rival/love interest (which can still be fun).

Anyway, uh, woof. Hoo boy. Writing, am I right? I hope you guys are here mostly to see Spinel be cool and not because you really like Dominator being an unstoppable force and junk. We’ve already got a whole show full of that! WATCH WANDER OVER YONDER-

[idanwyn-et-al]

Duets and Dastardly Deeds: A Harbor Herald Exclusive!

[The Palazzo Aldenard, Mist.]

Good day, lovely readers! It is daytime where you are, perhaps, yes? Or perhaps the stars have begun their slow scrawl across the darkened bowl of the heavens, the sun a memory to be gossiped about while Her Radiance is raising crops and crisping skins on the other side of our own star. Whatever light is creeping across your parquet floor, your larboard, your patch of forest, I hope to find you in good health and with a hankering to read about a most curious concert that took place at the Palazzo Aldenard’s Opera House a few days past.

This concert hall is well-known to many, but I confess, lovely readers, that it was this reporter’s first chance to visit the venerable venue for herself, and it did not disappoint. A crewmate of mine (ah yes, yours truly is a captain now, of her very own definitely-haunted ship; quite the tale of an unlikely inheritance, and utterly better-suited for another column entirely) and I took our seats, sharing uisghe and waiting for the show to begin. As this reporter is a long time fan of Savo’s (she is indirectly responsible for a prison sentence I served some years back, another story best shared over a plate of steak frites and a gallon of stout), I knew that her gnarled, underfed-despite-everyone’s-best-efforts paw brings a twist to every show, and inspires the audience to loosen up when confronted with the unexpected. Little did I know how much of a twist this show would wring itself into, like a wet rag squeezing water over still-smoldering embers! However, I am getting ahead of myself, lovelies. 

The evening began with a dueling duet; T’ahlia and D’ahlia! D’ahlia played classical piano with poise and elegance, fingers running over the keys nimbly. T’ahlia echoed and responded with her ceruleum guitar, sending reverbs into the rafters. Still, D’ahlia was dauntless, playing the act of straight man to the showy comedy of T’ahlia’s riffs. Both showcased skill and playfulness with ease, getting things off to a joyful start.

The duo was joined by Hani Dan’na, singing a song about lost relationships. Resigned, lovely lyrics left many an eye wet; surely, it was the profusion of springtime blossoms outside that caused such a thing. Surely, that.

Lionnellais Deveraux and Rythas Brynelle next took the stage, a pas de deux in lyrical form about looking at oneself in the looking glass and resolving to change. The two tall, lithe performers did, indeed, seem to be looking into a mirror as their eyes met and their melodic runs tumbled into harmonies. To this reporter, they seemed to encapsulate the desire to make today the first day of the rest of their lives---to use a quote oft-seen in cross-stitch on one’s grandmama’s wall---but were almost daring the other to be the first to change.

Aero, a new performer to this reporter and many others in the audience, was as forthright about being high on Shroud mushrooms as he was about body positivity; he performed entirely in the nude, and one was certainly larger than the other (pupils, I mean. Pupils!).  Savo provided riffs on her famed ten-stringed viol, and the pair brought levity to the stage. I do believe in a thing called love, even if it comes at the cost of Keepers of the Moon dragging you out into the woods and making you question all you’ve ever known. 

Zanin Briggs and Rythas continued in this vein with the next piece; it seems they, too, are reluctant-yet-indulgent caretakers of Savo and Fheyla. Family may make you question everything, dear readers, but if they lead you to great adventures, things like fleas, questionable manners, and spotty hygiene can be overlooked. 

A pair of mysterious Elezen women took the boards with a back-to-back set filled with as much fire as a bellyful of my late Papa’s famous uisghe. Injecting the room with a raw-hearted, toothy roar of lyrics meant to ignite the still-simmering resentment in Ishgard, these mysterious performers dressed to impress did just that! Yes, dear readers, although word out of those stony, snowcapped spires is that the Lord Commander has done his level best to close the gap between high and lowborn, it seems a thousand years of rigid social structures and war leave those still in the social depths wondering when their voices will really be heard. It was then when this reporter began to notice something of a theme throughout the night’s performances; unease, discontent, loss, building into...

FIRE! You read that right, faithful readers; a fire erupted backstage, and we were all summarily evacuated to the lawn for half a bell’s time. Take heart; the Palazzo’s staff were professional, efficient, and informative. I have now learned that if one must shout fire at a crowded theater, this is the theater in which to do so, lovelies. Once the blaze was contained, the show did indeed go on; and that, I believe, is my quota of cliched phrases for this article.

Once we had all filed back in---neatly and in single file, I assure you---Lionnellais and Rythas welcomed the audience back with a jaunty tune with the refrain “Under Censure”. This reporter must confess that the untimely fire combined with the lyrics that speak of restraints fraying under pressure had her wondering a great many things. Still, just as the show went on, so, too, must this article. 

T’ahlia returned to the stage with an acoustic guitar, and was joined by Hesper of Trinity. The pair sang a soulful duet about an “army of two” that would stand against all odds and defy the world. Your faithful reporter was very much lost in her own thoughts and suppositions, but was briefly brought back to attention by the songstress Sif, who joined T’ahlia for the next piece. This one spoke of T’ahlia’s conflicted feelings of yearning and betrayal directed at her mother, a woman of the Shroud who did her best for the young Miqo’te and yet left her wanting. The duo of Sif and T’ahlia singing call-and-response that melded into soulful, wistful harmonies drew the audience in and included us in such tender, bittersweet recollections.

As their last chords were still lingering like dark tea on the sides of the tongue, we were all drawn to our feet by an upbeat, glittering tune about calling on shinobi when in need! True to the legacy of those infamous assassins, the stage effects were superb; one might even believe that said shinobi were hiding in plain sight, deploying mudra and shadow-smoke to great effect amongst the waving glow wands of the enthused crowd. This reporter could not help but muse over how some of the other performers might, indeed, be inspired to hire a shinobi for their current troubles that simmered along the floorboards along with the occasional puff of singed scenery.

T’ahlia and Dane Escherra brought us all back to those melancholy undercurrents, with the latter offering soulful vocals recounting being a wartime prostitute. They fight like men, die like boys, and the women are expected to pretend it doesn’t affect them, offer themselves up as trophies. It was a simple yet poignant view into a world that many would rather pretend does not exist; this reporter, for one, was more interested in the stories of these women than the wars that raged around them.

Oh, dear readers, how I do eat up the ilms of column space on this one! The final two acts followed the evening’s emotional hills and vales, leaving us on a hill of humor. Zeraia Reynard crooned and Savo clawed tunes about male Seekers of the Sun, and...well, the lyrics are not entirely fit for print, but in the interest of public health (and allowing for poetic embellishment), this reporter must firmly suggest that all those who have enjoyed sexual relations with male Seekers of the Sun be tested for diseases at your local chirurgeon. E’rin Rae’s finale piece, in which she joined the dogpile (catpile) upon male Seekers, was a humorous lament about how they all seem to prefer the same sex, and how she has resigned herself to this fact. 

Though this sennight’s issue has been dedicated to my personal review of this revue, I must let you all in on a little secret; the fire that occurred backstage is quite suspicious, and this reporter will be writing another article or two as she investigates it. In the next sennight’s issue, please look forward to a collection of thoughts, statements, and observations by those that attended the show. In the meantime, I wish you all health and happiness, and would highly recommend the Palazzo Aldenard for its fine facility and superb entertainers.

Song and Scandal,

Idanwyn Lluanswys

Harbor Herald Food and Lifestyle Columnist

((tagging @palazzoaldenard​ , @savothesewercat​ , @rythasbrenelle​ , @fheylahaken​ , @whitherwanderer​ ! Please tag others, I am sleepy and forgetful. Thank you for the excellent show, and please stay tuned as Idanwyn does her best to investigate! I also enjoy going to concerts, restaurants, and other such fun social events to write articles, so message me here or on discord at #esper3592 if you’ve got something fun coming up!))

[herefortayloronly]

evermore first impressions 12/19

i think this is the perfect use of this meme for the situation we found ourselves in once again.

i don’t really know how to preface this. it’s a freaking taylor swift album. i’m here for it!! and disclaimer: i’m not doing like an in depth lyrical analysis on this post because i’m dumb. i’m just talking about how i feel about each song. here’s the rankings because i wrote a lot and i feel bad for making you guys read my nonsense.

don’t be fool by how low i’m placing some of the songs. i love them all so much especially marjorie, tolerate it and willow. champagne problems and coney island are slowly climbing but definitely gonna take some time but all the songs i place above them are too good. also, i literally just listened to the bonus tracks as i’m writing this little part so i’m not ready to rank them yet but right where you left me is probably gonna end up pretty high based on first impressions!

and here’s a little surprise folklore ranking.

willow: i am absolutely obsessed with the piano or maybe it’s the glockenspiel in this song. i think i saw someone said, if folklore is for fairies then evermore is for witches and i think this song is a great example of that. 

champagne problems: you know, when i first listened to this one i thought of my best friend who’s in a really long committed relationship and she talked to me about how she doesn’t want to get marry yet. and for some people that would be a red flag. to be in such a long 5-6 years committed relationship and not want to get marry. but really it’s not about not wanting to get marry or not wanting to be with your person forever, it’s about the fear of the things that come after marriage. and she talked about being scared of divorce, her parents got a divorce because their relationship was really toxic and she saw how it really affected her mother. i think it’s very reasonable to have this fear about the next step of your life, i mean who doesn’t?

gold rush: i’m very happy we got a booty popping song in this album lol. i was literally thinking before the album came out, i hope we get a “horny on main” type of song that was missing on folklore. this song really delivers. And while I think this song is super fun, i can see the cynical and almost realistic side of this side. like no body wants to compete for someone else’s affection. that feeling of jealousy would be unhealthy.

‘tis the damn season: god anything with an electric guitar is just like GIMME MOREEEEEE!! Something about this song reminds me so much like a classic late 2000s soft rock song. Like the guitar sounds like something switchfoot or the fray (one of my favorite artists of all time btw) or john mayer would do but never did.

tolerate it: i’m almost sad that this is a first impression post because this song is slowly growing on me. i just think the piano is absolutely beautiful on this song. and the story of doing everything you and trying your best to be the perfect partner and you think it’s still not enough for that other person and at the same time maybe it’s all in your head.

no body no crime: i mean a true crime song hellooooooo? this is going to be an instant classic in taylor’s discography i believe. i’m a little disappointed that haim isn’t singing in the song more but i still think this is a perfect song. such a classic country pop song.

happiness: this one is probably gonna take me a minute. i feel like i’m still working through so many other songs that this song is getting put in the back burner. which sucks because i love the story of acceptance and as much as you want to hate this other person, you also want to remember and to be remembered for all the good times. and i love the bridge in this song, like no matter how many times you try to make the other person the bad guy, you know there’s no point in doing that because it’s gonna cause you even more pain.

dorothea: i don’t know why every time this song comes on i just want to put my arms up and sway. i love how it feels so breezy and easy and very relaxing. this song kinda reminds me of seven. it’s almost like hey remember our youth, remember the time when we just do whatever we want and friendship comes easy and we don’t have this cynical outlook in life. and the cynicism comes from dorothea being this big star and experiencing life outside of this town and this group of friends that she had.

coney island: something you guys don’t know about me but i love romance novels. and a lot of books i read are basically couples losing that love the relationship once had and are getting a divorce and eventually learning how to love each other again. and this song perfectly encapsulate those stories hahahaha. like neither of the narrators in this song hates each other. they just feel very indifferent about each other and wondering where did that love and magic go.

ivy: of course this song is about infidelity but i see it as a metaphor for trying to protect this precious relationship. i see a lot of similarity of this song with other songs like i know places and dancing with our hands tied. i also love seeing everyone’s interpretation of this song!

cowboy like me: best song on the album. hands down. first: the sound. i love how it sounds like it’s straight out of a dive bar. and taylor’s vocals (i feel like i didn’t talk enough about her vocals in this album), it’s so smooth and velvety. i also love the metaphor! guys i love a song that has a good metaphor. y’all know that’s why i love miss americana and the heartbreak prince so much. i love this imagery of two “cowboys” who spent their lives with the wrong people and playing the field and they ended up crossing path. once they crossed path, they fell in love. i love this song so much!

long story short: this song is so much fun. even though i really appreciate the deep and dark takes on how she’s feeling about 2016, i’m glad she’s able to kinda still have fun with it. 

marjorie: i’ve said this before, my grandmother (from my mother side what a coincidence) passed always nearly 3 years ago and she was the only grandparent i knew all my life. i have such a big attachment to her. she babysat me when i was baby up until i was 5 and going to school. my parents worked a lot so she was kinda like another parent to me. she sang to me. she told me stories. i would play dress up with her clothes. out of all of taylor’s songs, this one really hits close to home. despite this song being very sad, there’s also a sense of joy. i take this song as more like celebrating someone’s legacy and your memories of them.

closure: i’m actually glad i’m writing this part for this song after i saw the zane lowe apple music interview. i think the mentions of loyalty in the interview is also very prominent in this song and in no body no crime. they address both extremes of loyalty. no body no crime you’ll do anything for your friend. in closure, that loyalty is broken. i love the emphasis on it being “your” closure. it has selfish intent and only meant to absolve one party of any guilt.

evermore: when taylor said that joe played the piano beautifully, she was talking about this song! i was actually worry about this song being just another exile. and while exile was very good, i felt it was just another good song, like it didn’t really stood out to me in folklore. but they really switched it up for evermore. when the tempo changed, i literally thought something was wrong with the song or it suddenly changed to a different song when i heard it the first time. but oh my god. literally chills. such a great use of justin’s higher register and i actually favored his higher register than his lower. the chaotic nature of the bridge and then bringing it back down at the end really allowed the song to open up. so if you guys don’t know, my favorite collab taylor has ever done is the last time. evermore is coming for her throat!!

so to talk about evermore as a whole, i think this album has the most interesting sounds and lyrics and musical structures in taylor’s entire discography. the imagery is so visceral, it’s almost too much to handle like there’s a lot things going on. and the storytelling is just as sharp as ever.

now to compare this album to folklore. i don’t really want to Hahahaha but I feel like it’s almost inevitable when you label this album as folklore’s sister album and releasing it so close to folklore. they’re pretty on par with each other. i think folklore works as a one cohesive album, you can listen to it top to bottom. it’s also more familiar and easily digestible. evermore can be a little harder to get into despite the fact that it does have more upbeat songs. i think evermore feels like there are a lot ups and downs emotionally but all the songs convey such a strong emotion. it’s less digestible because there’s a lot of strange tempos and structures that aren’t in your normal pop songs. i personally favor folklore more because i love the simplicity but i think each song just flows into the next beautifully but evermore is still a gorgeous album.

[naruseii]

Myu review 7: 1997 Eien Densetsu

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Before continuing further, I’d just like to mention this. This review is purely based off of my personal opinion. I personally am not that fond of SenShi and since this Myu contains that ship, my comments/views differ from the majority, which is okay! Whether we agree or disagree, let’s keep the discussion civil and let’s also respect each other! Thank you and enjoy this (long) review!

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First impression: I was actually pretty excited for this Myu!! With Stars K being so amazing and this being the second to the last Myu of the First Stage, I really expected a lot!

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Impressions: Actors/Actresses

Anza Ooyama (Usagi Tsukino/Sailor Moon)- OH YES QUEEN ANZA!! She was so good in this, it’s like she saved the Myu. I really liked how she portrayed Usagi in this Myu. Sad/Mature Usagi is so essential to the Stars arc and I think Anza pulled it off pretty well especially during I Miss You and her talk with Setsuna about Mamoru. She had her fun, silly Usagi moments but I think her more sad/mature/serious moments were the highlights of her character. Her Super Sailor Moon was pretty okay!! She had the mix of funny and serious Moon which created a good balance. Her Eternal Sailor Moon is obviously my favorite. I have to say I wasn’t as impacted as I was in Stars/Stars K but her Eternal Moon was still pretty good!! She makes her so strong/powerful and also really mature and lady-like which is why I love her as that version of Moon so much. Of course, she did well in all aspects and I just really really enjoy Anza-Moon a lot!! 💕

Ayako Morino (Ami Mizuno/Sailor Mercury)- Ah s***, here we go again. I really can’t stress enough how much I don’t like boy crazy Ami. I’m not a fan of the SenShi pairings so automatically I didn’t enjoy the ZoiAmi bits. This is not Ayako’s fault of course (it’s First Stage/general Myu writing) but seeing her act it out really didn’t settle with me. Ayako’s pre-Zoisite Ami wasn’t too bad?? She kinda overdid the “innocent Ami” but that’s nothing new. I quite enjoyed her Mercury though, because she really did break out of her “innocent Ami” character and showed her true strength as Mercury. Normally with these reviews I always prefer her Mercury over Ami and it’s the same with this one. She’s either lacking or too much, really.

Misako Kotani (Rei Hino/Sailor Mars)- MISAKO WAS SO GOOD IN THIS MYU!! I love her strong and sassy Rei and all her Rei scenes were so fun and interesting to watch! I really like how her relationship with the cast is shown through certain scenes (like the teacher-director switch scene) because it really added to her charm. Just like Ayako, she was given many scenes to showcase her character/character development and I think she gave off an amazing Rei and Mars. I love her voice and her acting so much here!! I’m sad Eien K is her last Myu because I’m really starting to like her a lot :^( .

Akari Tonegawa (Makoto Kino/Sailor Jupiter)- Akari wasn’t too bad of a Makoto/Jupiter! I really love her little movements and her facial expressions because they add more to her character. Her Makoto was more on the masculine side although she had moments which showed her girly side. Her Jupiter was lacking but, it’s more on the writing than her acting. I can’t really judge her voice on the singing aspect since she didn’t have a solo but, I do have to say her voice is quite powerful. Her dancing was okay and overall, I think she did pretty well despite not having much to do!

Akiko Miyazawa (Minako Aino/Sailor Venus)- Akiko was sooo cute!! I super love her Minako!! She portrayed the perfect fangirly Stars Minako and you can definitely tell from her gestures and how her voice becomes higher than usual (which was a nice touch)! Just like Akari, her senshi counterpart was lacking due to the writing. I think she had the potential to show a really great leader Venus! As mentioned before, her Minako was amazing and I think she touched on every aspect of the character pretty well!! I’m really excited for her next performance (and future ones)!!

Yuuta Mochizuki (Tuxedo Mask/Prince Endymion/King Endymion)- Just like in the previous Stars musicals, Tuxedo Mask/Endymion was hardly present. And when he was, he was typically walking around, getting attacked, kneeling and having few lines of dialogue. Even though he didn’t do much, I still think he did well in what he was able to do!! I hope they give him much more to do in Eien K since it’ll be his last Myu as Tux!!

Sanae Kimura (Haruka Tenoh/Sailor Uranus)- Oh yes!! Sanae was pretty good in this Myu!! She’s had really good scenes especially with Hiroko because their dynamic is just that great. Her Haruka really got to shine when she was with Hiroko. Their scene in Kick Out A Bloody Mystery and Orurean no Sei Senshi really showed off Haruka’s humorous and serious/dedicated side well. Her Uranus is still pretty strong. Her scenes with Moon, the Starlights and Galaxia really highlights her strength as Uranus (especially during the betrayal). Although Uranus (and Neptune) weren’t too memorable in this Myu, I think Sanae did a pretty good job in all aspects and got to portray her character pretty decently!!

Hiroko Tahara (Michiru Kaioh/Sailor Neptune)- Hiroko is just so so good. She makes me enjoy Michiru/Neptune so much!! I really do love her dynamic with Sanae because she actually gets to shine more/take the lead at times and she isn’t just Haruka’s femme gf on the side. As mentioned before, the mystery scene and Orurean no Sei Senshi were probably her best scenes as Michiru. As for her Neptune, she had much more of an impact that before. Especially during the betrayal scene where she said she’d follow Haruka anywhere she goes (she’s basically just re-enacting the scene from Act 1), it really felt genuine and I felt like she encapsulated Neptune and her emotions very well. She’s pretty great in all aspects and again, Uranus and Neptune weren’t too memorable in the Myu but she got to pull of her character pretty well!!

Rei Saitou (Setsuna Meioh/Sailor Pluto)- Oh my gosh I love Rei!! I really loved her scenes where she talked about spending her entire life alone yet still believing in love (or something like that). She really encapsulated Pluto’s loneliness and strength as a person and a soldier. She’s also had her funny moments which gave her a good balance of being humorous and serious. Her voice is amazing and she still dances pretty well!! Overall she did really great!! I super duper love her Pluto!

Chihiro Imai (Hotaru Tomoe/Sailor Saturn)- I think Chihiro did okay for her first and last role!! But I do think she could’ve done better. She captures child Hotaru a bit better than Keiko since she’s younger although, her delivery wasn’t too good at times. There were some points where she would sound emotionless and her movements were also kinda stiff. She has a good voice (especially for her character) but the way she says “Saturn” in To A Brand New World bothered me just a tiny bit. But otherwise, I think she was pretty okay!!

Mao Kawasaki (Chibi Chibi/Sailor Chibi Chibi)- I’m so glad Mao returned for this Myu although, her role as Chibi Chibi was very minor. Since Mao had exposure playing a child role in the past (Chibiusa), I think she was able to keep her acting pretty child-like. She didn’t have as much freedom as she did as Chibiusa but her monologue as Sailor Chibi Chibi and her song “Mou ii no” really amazed me!! She was really good!!

Sayuri Katayama (Seiya Kou/Sailor Star Fighter)- Oh my gosh can I just yell about how charming Sayuri’s Seiya is?? She got a good balance of leader Seiya/Fighter and soft/caring and charming Seiya/Fighter. I think her best moments were with Usagi (I Miss You) the other Starlights (Kick Out A Bloody Mystery) and Kakyuu (Kakyuu Ouhi to Three Lights). I think she captured more of the manga Seiya while having some bits of anime Seiya as well. To be honest, her strongest character is Seiya. Her Fighter had the leadership and care/concern but honestly, it doesn’t strike as much presence as her Seiya does. She has such an amazing singing voice and she dances pretty well so yeah!! I loved Sayuri!!

Hikari Ono (Taiki Kou/Sailor Star Maker)- Um...😔👉👈...I REALLY LOVE MY GIRL A LOT. She was so good okay. Honestly, she makes me less annoyed at Taiki altogether. She’s had her moments as the know-it-all (a.k.a ((sorry, language)) smartass) Taiki but she also had her funny/laid back moments too. I loved her scenes with Momoko or the Kinmoku gang because we really get to see the true character of Taiki/Maker which Hikari portrayed very well. I was surprised she had such a strong Maker because she didn’t really do much as her for the past 2 Myus!! She has the dedication (to mostly) Kakyuu and a strong will. Her singing is great and so was her dancing!! So yes 8/8 my girl did great!!

Momoko Okuyama (Yaten Kou/Sailor Star Healer)- Momoko is the CUTEST Yaten and you can’t convince me otherwise. I was watching the Stars anime when I watched this Myu and her Yaten was a breath of fresh air from her anime counterpart. She’s had her sassy moments but she was such a goof ball in almost all her scenes!! From solving mysteries to deciding on who the next leader of the Three Lights is, she was just so fun to watch! Her Star Healer was very strong and caring! I think she did pretty well in all aspects and I just love her!!

Sakoto Yoshioka (Princess Kakyuu)- YES FINALLY A KAKYUU!! I loved Sakoto!! She has such an amazing voice and I’m so glad they gave her more than one song to sing in this Myu! She really has the “other worldly” presence that Kakyuu has when she makes her first appearance. She was also very kind and motherly but in a different kind of way than Setsuna. She portrays Kakyuu’s emotions so well and she moves so gracefully which really made her capture Kakyuu’s character!! I’m looking forward to seeing her again in Eien K!

Tamami Matsumoto (Sailor Galaxia)- She's definitely different from Saori!! She has a lot more power and a lot more stage presence. She shows off Galaxia's dominant and villainous side really well. Although, I think she’s too mature for Galaxia. I see Galaxia as an intelligent kid but with lack of experience. Tamami’s Galaxia seemed like a queen figure (like Beryl or Nehelenia) who’s seeking revenge when she’s really just someone new to the scene. Nonetheless, I think she portrayed Galaxia well especially with her movement and her voice! And her reformed Galaxia was just as great!

Shadow Galatica (as a whole)- I’m surprised they didn’t include Iron Mouse in this one but even Aluminum Siren and Lead Crow considering that the Stars anime already ended by then and people should know Shadow Galactica but oh well I guess. They removed Pewter Fox as well for some reason but they made up for these losses with Tin Nyanko and Mitis (formerly known as Titanium) Keroko! Both Toni and Megumi did such amazing jobs portraying their characters in all aspects. Sailor Chi, Phi and Theta were amazing dancers and complimented scenes really well. I enjoyed them a lot!

Ryuji Kasahara (Kyaos/Chaos)- Don’t get me wrong, I love Ryuji as an actor and I did enjoy him in this role! But I really didn’t like the build/the writing for Chaos. In the manga he’s just like any other final boss at the end of each arc and since Chaos is the very last villain, he should be portrayed as the most evil creature to exist. Ryuji usually plays playful villains which is probably why they had to rewrite Chaos’ character. The teacher/director Kyaos was really fun to watch and he really played the two really well!! I just wish we could’ve gotten more of a serious/powerful Chaos from him.

Yuri Nishina (Queen Beryl)- So glad they brought her back from Gaiden! She makes an excellent Beryl!! Her voice is really suited for her character and she really shows the evilness of Beryl so well. She doesn’t do much dancing so her only movements are just swaying her arms when she attacks. That aspect kind of bothers me a bit in some scenes because it looks so lazily done even if her lines/scenes hold so much emotion. Regardless, I enjoyed her evil Queen Beryl as much as her reformed Beryl! She did well in both!!

Hidetaka Asano (Kunzite) & Akira Tomemori (Zoisite)- OH YES MY SHITENNOU BOYS!! I mean this time we only have half of them, but it kinda works! Zoisite had more of a role than Kunzite since he somewhat pursued a relationship with Ami. Due to that, Zoisite showed more of his masculine side than feminine side which really changed the atmosphere around his character. Kunzite on the other hand, was less of a leader and more of a casual person. Despite these, I think both Akira and Hidetaka were able to carry on their characters very well! They delivered their lines confidently and they have good singing and movement! I really enjoyed their performance!!

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The story: I’m gonna change this part up! Normally I’d tell the story while inserting my opinions in at certain points but since Eien is longer than previous Myus (I think this one’s 2 hours?), I’ll just give my opinions on the story instead.

It was SO MESSY. This is like the first Stars Myu but even messier. The best way I can describe this story is that they fused both interpretations (anime and manga) of the Dark Kingdom and Stars Arc but also kinda tried to revise Stars K? There was just so much going on in general. Some parts can be understood if you’ve seen the anime or read the manga (or both) but if you’re a Myu-only person then maybe those things may seem unclear/unnoticeable.

[ACT 1]

I’m assuming this is because of the 2 hour time mark but Act 1 was super long. It kinda felt dragging at times. They also inserted a scene that wasn’t really necessary which was the “Little Match Girl” scene with (who I’m assuming is) Chihiro. It was just her talking to this entity (I think it’s Beryl?) while lighting her last match. The entity was talking about how darkness is gonna swallow up the world and how that last match won’t help her (which it didn’t) and through that, Queen Beryl got resurrected. Do you get what I mean??

But aside from that, the rest of Act 1 was just okay. It was a super long act and since there was so much in it, I didn’t find the transitions from scene to scene to be well executed. I think each Senshi/character got a fair amount of screen time although some didn’t really do much. All the musical numbers and scenes were great!! It’s just that there’s too much, really.

[ACT 2]

Act 2 was way shorter. By this point you should be getting the story but I still didn’t understand what I was watching. There was definitely a shift in atmosphere between the acts as Act 1 was more lively and fun (although it had a few serious moments) while Act 2 was more heavy and probably tried to focus on the story more. Most characters were well developed by then until we discover that some of them get redeemed or some of them are actually evil (or maybe they were pretending to be evil but were just good all along). I’d have to say that I preferred this section of the story more than the first. It just seems more well put together although it still hardly makes any sense. The unexpected shift of stance from the villains (evil to good or “good” to (very) evil) was a nice touch on their part. All in all, I think Act 2 or just the ending of the Myu really wrapped up everything pretty well. Despite all the many ups and downs, the ending was actually quite decent.

If you want to know about the story, I suggest you read the ‘97 Eien page on the SM Wiki: https://sailormoon.fandom.com/wiki/Pretty_Soldier_Sailor_Moon_%7E_Eternal_Legend

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Overall opinion: As much as I really wanted to like this Myu, I can't. I had a hard time understanding what was going on & I had to watch this a second time just to make this review. The actors and actresses weren't bad, they all did such an amazing job; the story is just terrible. The concept they went for is good, it's just that the execution wasn't. I'm really hoping for the best for Eien K especially since it's the last Myu of the First Stage.

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FINALLY!! GOSH THIS TOOK A WHILE. I actually watched this Myu with @missemperor back in May and we DID NOT enjoy it. I had to watch it again because the story never stuck to me and I forgot what everyone did in the Myu. To be honest, there were moments that are likable but the problem really is just the story. I’m really crossing my fingers for Eien K!! How about you? Did you like ’97 Eien? Did we agree on things? Feel free to leave your thoughts!!

((Character profiles are from @myu-resource , CD cover is from @galaxycosmos​))

[thecoleopterawithana]

Hi! I was thinking about "the night se cried" and I saw some of your posts about it (thanks for the useful tags by the way). I was wondering, is Paul the first (and only) source about that event? And it was specifically Here Today the first time when he made reference to it? Because if it is, it seems to me quite telling that Paul would had chose his first open "John song" post John's death to introduce into the Beatle tale a brand new piece of information (cutting here for lack of space)

(following the last ask) And I think that by doing that Paul was trying to kick the table in some subtle way, by putting again in the center the love and closeness that existed between them. And this fact, makes think about this one is an example of how Paul want us to know some stuff, that he tells without noone asking. I mean, “the night we cried” wouldnt be part (and such an important part") of the Lennon/McCartney myth and fandom if Paul himself hadnt brought it in in the first place. Hugs!

Hey there @vairemelde ! Thanks so much for the ask! And I’m glad you found the #what about the night we cried? tag useful! 

To the extent of my knowledge (and I looked around a bit when doing the compilation post of quotes about that episode) Paul is indeed the one and only Beatle to have publicly talked about that night. Though, it is worth noticing, that he was first asked about that episode only in 2001, almost 20 years after referencing it in ‘Here Today’.

And while Paul has certainly made the effort to, throughout the years, contradict the pervasive confrontational narrative and bring into focus the true love and intimacy between them, I can’t help but feel that ‘Here Today’ was more of a personal attempt at remembering just how close they were. About setting the record straight in his own mind first and foremost. I don’t see him as including this piece of information so much for the benefit of the general public, or to right their perception of them, as much as he was trying to “exorcise the demons in his own head”.

In ‘Here Today’ Paul seems to need to internalize two big ideas: you really loved me and I really loved you.

The need for the first one came about from his second-guessing of their relationship after John’s death, given all the media attacks John aimed at him post-breakup.

I did write a song just before I was going to build my studio – that I’ve done a lot of this album at – before we were actually getting the workmen in and stuff. And when it was still the old place, I just went up in one of the little rooms upstairs in the place, and did write the song called ‘Here Today’. Which was – kind of about my reaction at the time had been.

We’d been slagging each other off a lot, over the years coming up to it, and in fact we’d – we’d got on quite well personally, what turned out to be towards the end. But there had been a lot of slagging off and business stuff. John would’ve been sort of saying, “Oh, he just does all that,” “Oh, bloody hell,” “Oh, he’s like this…” and this sort of attitude, you know, me sort of feeling like I had to, “No, well, uh, I’m not that bad! I mean, uh, I’ve done that, and I’ve done that…” Feeling like I had to justify myself to him.

It was just not very pleasant, because you kind of thought, he’s bluffing. He’s – he’s just doing that sort of very bluffy thing he does. He’s just being very upfront, and he’s sort of… I always got the impression that he was trying to clear the decks for Yoko, and get rid of us lot. ‘Cause he had to devote all his attention to her. Which is fair enough, you know. I always sort of cherished the hope that I’d be able to kind of say to him, “Oh, come off it. You didn’t mean that, really, did you? I know you went a bit overboard, but you don’t think it’s like that, do you, really?”

And I heard, in fact, little bits from Yoko, who was kind of nice enough after he’d died to sort of clue me in on that. Realizing, perhaps, that those w– would be the kind of things that would hang me up, forever. “Did he, or didn’t he… hate what I did?” And she said some very nice things. She told me once that he’d sat her down with one of my albums, and they’d be sat down, and he’d be having a bit of a cry about it, and he’d be saying, “Ah… you know, I – I like him, really.” Because John was like that, you know. He could come at you, but really – he’d just lower his glasses a bit and sort of say, “It’s only me.” It was very two-sided like that. I like that about him. It’s a very interesting part of his personality, really.

But as I say, it really was gonna hang me up. This whole idea.

— Paul McCartney, interview with DJ Mike Reed (13 May 1989).

And the second arose from his need to clearly articulate his feelings, to finally overcome his fear of saying ‘I love you’, even if John was no longer here today to hear it (but we know that Paul keeps writing to “the great record player in the sky”).

It’s funnybecause just in real life, I find that a challenge. I like to sort of, not givetoo much away. Like you said, I’m quite private. Why should people, know myinnermost thoughts? That’s for me, their innermost.But in a song, that’s where you cando it. That’s the place to put them. You can start to reveal truths and feelings. You know, like in ‘Here Today’ where I’m saying to John“I love you”. I couldn’t have said that, really,to him. But you find, I think, that you can put these emotions and these deepertruths – and sometimes awkwardtruths; I was scared to say “I love you”. So that’s one of the things that Ilike about songs.

— Paul McCartney,on the challenge of giving too much of himself away when writing meaningful andtruthful songs. Asked by Simon Pegg and interviewed by John Wilson for BBC 4’s Mastertapes (24 May 2016).

Paul even wrote an entire song addressing the fact:

Q: Like ‘Scared’ – a ‘hidden’ track on New – which is a stark confessional about baring your soul to another person. Did you find that easy to write?

Paul: You can actually say, “I love you,” to someone, but it’s quite hard. And so that’s why it’s usually easier when you’re a bit drunk. It’s like ‘Here Today’ [on 1982’s Tug of War], which was for John, and there is the line, (sings) “Du du du du du du du, I love you,” and it is a bit of a moment in the song.

— Paul McCartney,  interview with Pat Gilbert for MOJO (November 2013).  

So it’s no wonder that he included the night they cried in ‘Here Today’. This is not simply a general illustration of their closeness, by giving an example of how they allowed themselves to cry in front of another “Northern Lad”. That night was, in Paul’s eyes, an “important emotional landmark”, not only because they exposed themselves emotionally by crying, but because they actually said the big ‘I Love You’.

One night, we got pretty drunk and argued and laughed, and it ended up us both crying, because it was, you know at the height of your drunkenness, when you’re all, “Hey man, I love you, man. No, I love you, man.” That was probably the only time we just got that kind of intimate with each other. It’s a male machismo embarrassment thing. I mean, you might say to a girl, “I love you”, but in my case, within the group, The Beatles, it would have been difficult, even though we all did love each other. You just all had to be guys to the full. We were all rough, tough cream puffs.

— Paul McCartney, interview with the Daily Mail (4 June 2016).

But I think that in the end, 1982 Paul (without the added interference of years of Beatle “history”), put it best:

[…] Even though he put me down, I’m not going for it. We were friends, and we got it on, we got a lot on. Songwriting is like psychiatry; you sit down and dredge up something that’s inside, bring it out front. And I just had to be real and say, John, I love you. I think being able to say things like that in songs can keep you sane.

— Paul McCartney, interview with Robert Palmer for the New York Times (25 April 1982).

Here Paul perfectly summarizes and encapsulates the two truths he was personally wrestling with while writing ‘Here Today’: “Come on, you loved me, really, and I love you.”

So even if there are other anecdotes (“I slept with him”) and songs (’Early Days’) that seem to aim to get across to the public that only they know how close they were, I personally think that other songs like ‘Here Today’ and ‘This One’ serve a more personal therapeutic purpose. Like he’s talking to himself and to John, rather than to us. 

Sure, both these songs are utterly revealing, but its public nature may be a side effect of the medium, rather than its main goal.

That we get a glimpse into this amazing relationship through their craft is a true blessing.

[oflgtfol]

I LOVE other worlds than these so much i’m... putting this under the read more its very long. im rambling a lot its probably a mess im just spouting words about how i think and feel regarding this song

the instrumentals are. phenomenal. starting with the beginning of the song. i don’t understand why so many people are like “oh no the first few seconds scared me” but LIKE it sounds so good what is wrong with you. and the beat, and the guitars, GOD

and dustin’s singing it’s just. oh my godddddd i love how during the verses, the volume/intensity on the first few words of a line, like “TEN FEET TALL behind your wall / telling yourself that you’re not small / ROLL YOURSELF into a tight ball / you cant be lost if you’ve gone awol” its just. SUCH a nice rhythm going on, like some sort of seesaw, very cool, very nice, and very fun to sing along to

and also like, the rhythm for each line is just so good especially like, with the.. alliteration? or whatever? like it just flows so nicely, like “into a tight ball” the t sound is just, so good, idk it’s just very satisfying. it’s also in the line “feed it fiction and lies” and “reaping from the cell you sow.” i mean like i guess it might not even be intentional and can be in tons of other songs on accident ( like its only two words for each sound LOL) but for some reason i just notice it a lot here and its, Very Good

AND THE WAY HE DELIVERS THE LINE “ARE WE FLASHES IN A RUT GOING IN AND OUT OF LUCK” LIKE JUST THE WAY HE DELIVERS IT GUTS ME BRO . IT GUTS ME. IM EMO. IT FLOWS SO NICELY AND THE MELODY AND THE EMOTION IM...

what REALLY steals the show for me though are the LYRICS like they’re . so poignant and powerful and beautiful and i’m just the epitome of that lady gaga gif. starset always has such fantastic lyrics but this song GETS me so badly. like “pull the wool out from your eyes / it won’t shade your frail belief” IS SO METAL ITS SUCH A GOOD LINE. and “bury your head so you won’t see / the truth you hide is the truth you seek” LIKE HELLO... and the allusions to other songs from transmissions and vessels like MONSTER AND MY DEMONS it makes me so emo..... im so emo

AND THE BRIDGE. the bridge is a masterpiece. i remember hearing/reading somewhere that bridges are dustin’s favorite part of a song to work on and like, it really shows here. god he blew it out of the park with this song. the lyrics go so fucking hard.. “is it all an oddity? / are we flakes of empty dust spinning on a ball of rust? maybe / but the light is ours to see / you had eyes but sewed them shut / but that feeling in your gut won’t fade” and then my FAVORITE part is the second half of the bridge: “is it all a tragedy? / are we flashes in a rut going in and out of luck? maybe / but the answers will not change / even when they’re covered up, all these questions in your gut won’t fade” LIKE THOSE LYRICS ARE PHENOMENAL

AND THE WAY THE SECOND HALF GETS SO MUCH MORE INTENSE ITS JUST.. EUFHAUAHGUH. it gets me so badly

i’ve thought about this song so much.. there’s so many different ways to interpret it and like. im a sucker for space and drawing meaning from how insignificant we are in the universe. my college essay was basically just carl sagan’s pale blue dot speech but on a word count and written by a barely 17 year old. so like, thinking about this is one of my favorite things, and it really gets me. so my favorite interpretation of this song has to be probably the one that’s most on the nose, which is that like. there are other worlds than these, we’re just one small world in this universe, but nobody fucking realizes it, and this whole song is just the frustration that comes with knowing and recognizing our place in the universe, but nobody else ever really thinks about it or wants to think about it. it’s the frustration of thinking about the universe and dreaming about traveling across space but then realizing we’re still stuck on earth, and there’s so many fucking problems here because everybody’s mindset is stuck here as well. nobody thinks about the big picture. there’s so many petty wars and violence and hatred and literally none of this MATTERS i just want to grab people’s shoulders and fucking shake them like WHY are you DOING THIS? literally what is the point?

like we’re so insignificant in the universe and while some people may take that negatively, we can still derive meaning from it! nothing we do matters on a grand scale, so why don’t we take what little impact we have and make something of it? i feel like that’s what the entire bridge encapsulates and that’s why it gets me so badly like YES we’re flakes of empty dust on this tiny little rock, but we can still make something of it, “the light is ours to see.” and when it talks about that feeling in your gut its like UJYMHGNFDSFTGH it just makes me think of that like, absolute awe i feel when thinking about the universe, and just the, frustration and indignation i feel when it’s like, we can DO something, we can improve this planet, but nobody else wants to!!! or at least, nobody who has the ability wants to!!!

IDK this whole song just feels like my fucking frustration with world leaders who can make a difference in the world but just stew in their bigotry and violence, so caught up in petty political matters that they dont think about anything else. theyre the epitome of people who purposefully hide the truth from themselves and others, theyre the ones hiding behind walls and wearing blindfolds and sewing their eyes shut because they don’t want to face the truth, because they’d rather dole out the same centuries-old bigotry and prejudice rather than improving the world and making something meaningful of our meager existence. our lives are a blink of an eye on the scale of the universe, but we can still be optimists about this and spend that blink of an eye in the best way possible... but no. instead, there’s meaningless wars and greed and just, what’s the point??

a similar song with a similar meaning (vastly different genres though) is stairs to the attic by the antlers. it’s got the whole, wow the universe is so much bigger than me, vibe going on, but it takes a different approach. instead it’s about awe and wonder, and appreciation and celebration. it’s like the individual realization of our place in the universe. but other worlds than these is like, what that means on a larger societal scale, it’s the inevitable frustration and anger you feel when you realize nobody else recognizes this, and that this lack of recognition and humility is what causes these widespread societal problems and systemic violence. these two songs are like, two sides of the same coin representing different emotions centering around the same idea, and they’re equally valuable to me for that

AND BECAUSE owtt is more like, anger and frustration, it’s SO evident in the overall sound of the song. the driving guitars, the intense vocals, just how loud everything is. the lyrics are already cutthroat enough but then the way dustin delivers them its like WOW you can hear how indignant and disgusted he is. im especially looking at “no one really knows the truth / no, not you” like, lyrically and musically you can just hear how much this is meant to look down on whoever this is aimed at. these lyrics are so condescending but not in the like, arrogant way, just in the Wow Im Pissed Off kind of way and i love it so much

ALSO the only time the song lets up on intensity and volume is during the bridge, which is very interesting especially in the meaning. like the whole song is about the anger and frustration i Described Above, but then the bridge is instead elaborating more, actually explaining the whole We’re Small kind of idea, so the anger lets up and instead makes way for a bit of the uhm, awe, like in stairs to the attic. but it doesnt go too soft because ultimately he’s still mad, it’s just quietly restrained, and then the quiet part ends and THE SECOND HALF GETS SO INTENSE, LIKE THAT LITTLE REPRIEVE IS DONE HE IS BACK TO BEING PISSED OFF especially with the line “IS IT ALL A TRAGEDY” LIKE YJHTGRFED

and then this song’s placement on the album, the second to last song, it just. the whole tone has a very, Conclusive feel to it. idk if yall can understand that. it’s just certain songs Sound like a concluding song of some narrative, in some way. either they Sound like they end the album or they sound like some song that plays during the credits of a movie or something. theres just a very Conclusive feel to it, so its placement as the second to last song just makes all of this so meaningful to me. of course diving bell follows it but its so much more subdued and, instead of angry, it’s like...... depression. which i find, very interesting. this song is like the climax of the album, it’s all fire and intensity and anger, and then the album concludes with all that sputtering out into some sad farewell song. of course diving bell does get its intense ending, but overall the whole song just, does not have the energy of owtt. diving bell is entirely about some farewell, and then its lyrics are so sad and it sounds so mournful and subdued......... other worlds than these is the last Hurrah of the album. the moments of intensity for diving bell just sound like a desperate attempt to get back up again, but it just, flops, and ends (i dont mean this as a bad thing i mean this in terms of like, the Meaning of the songs/album, in fact it actually makes it hit so much harder for me lol. especially with how abruptly diving bell ends, its like the energy it tried to get back from previous songs, it just cant hold on anymore and just. gives up. and the song ends)

also i love the symbol on the official video ;_;

hehe other worlds... the circles represent Other Worlds.. hehe :D it’s so simple but it looks so cool. very nice

[keyofjetwolf]

Elisabeth: Hate

Poking around at this one is a bit off-script, and I hope @iatheia won’t mind too terribly much that I’m being self-indulgent by going here. I think the sequence for “Hate” though is intensely well done, historically honest, and tonally vital to Rudolf’s character as we enter what is, essentially, his arc in the musical. It’s entirely missing from the Takarazuka version, and I think there’s a conversation to be had in its exclusion, and what responsibilities lie in an adaptation grounded in history. But that’s a conversation not for this post, so for now I’ll simply say that while I understand the Takarazuka version shying away from going here, I think it’s the strongest single example of hollowing itself out. When I was liveblogging it, and so lacking any other version knowledge to compare it to, I found Rudolf a paper thin character whose motivations I could never really wrap myself around. Now, having added the Essen version to my experience, OF COURSE I didn’t get him, I was never given the chance.

Which isn’t to say, of course, that the Takarazuka brought us nothing.

BECAUSE OH DID IT FRIENDS

For Essen Rudolf, however, we’re shown what he sees coming, we know what he knows will happen if he does nothing, and we do it all with the perspective of knowing he was absolutely correct. His struggle and eventual suicide becomes so much more sympathetic AND infuriating, complicating our feelings toward him and making him so more complicated in the process.

So yeah, let’s take a second for a little hate, shall we?

I really love how this is staged, I have to say first up. The chorus emerges from the mist on Rudolf’s repeating echo of “HATE!” They quickly consume the stage, and yet Franz Joseph doesn’t notice them, doesn’t hear, never sees. And that’s incredibly intentional. He doesn’t hurry off stage as this portion begins, he lingers, thoughtful on Rudolf’s words, then walks away, taking the full length of the stage, walking with purpose but very calmly. This serves to contrast in a really fantastic way with Rudolf at the end of the song, so keep this in mind as I’ll touch back on it in a bit.

There is, I have no doubt, a metric fuckton of historical significance and nuance here that I’m not getting. WIKIPEDIA CAN ONLY FILL IN SO MANY GAPS. World War I is a spotty and sketchy thing for most Americans. It’s a complicated clusterfuck that’s not so easily put into “good guys” versus “bad guys”. IT’S A LOT EASIER TO KNOW YOU’RE THE GOOD GUYS WHEN YOU’RE SHOOTING NAZIS. (Though let’s stand in awe of how that’s becoming a more controversial statement every day.) (WOW I’M DEPRESSING MYSELF OKAY BACK TO THE MUSICAL)

My mother and her side are all English, so I’d heard stories about WWI in ways that it impacted my family. I did a bit of reading, because sometimes I like to know things. And I’ve tried to refresh myself and build more knowledge after having watched the Takarazuka, so I’d have more context. But still, I feel I know basically fuck all, so I’m pretty sure lots of details will fly over me. There’s a lot to get here though, even in the broad strokes.

The space left by Franz Joseph as he exits the stage is quickly filled with demonstrators calling for a stronger leader. I SEE YOU MUSICAL. It quickly gets worse.

Hate and violence to those who aren’t with us and those who spread here we will chase off!

NATIONALISM IS A HELL OF A DRUG KIDS. If you aren’t INSERT COUNTRY HERE, GTFO, and  then it gets better!

With socialists and pacifists we won’t waste time anymore!

The Jewish writers and the Jewish women will be our ruin!

If you aren’t the right KIND of countryman, a “real” citizen with the “correct” thoughts and values, we’re coming for you, too. And what’s that? Ahh, the delicate fragrance of rampant antisemitism wafting on the breeze! I’M SURE THAT WON’T HAVE ANY PLAY IN FUTURE EUROPE.

I do think it’s interesting though, in like a desperately efficient and terrifying way, how they very specifically drill down that antisemitism to Jewish writers (the spread of ideas) and Jewish women (the spread of people). It encapsulates the utter blinding hatred of Jews so well that I both admire the writing skill and feel sick at the same time. Kudos? I guess??

The demonstration continues. The hate builds. More and more people join on-stage. The lighting gradually increases, the chanting grows louder. No longer whispers in the shadow, but heart-felt declarations made public.

It’s legitimizing. It’s spreading.

Now not just “demonstrators”, but government leaders, reporters informing the public, educators teaching the next generation. So that’s awesome!

Someone wanders through all this and wonders what’s going on. Lucheni joins him and answers, and I’ve spent a bit of time on why Lucheni, and why now. To this point, he’s been lingering on the fringes. As our guide and narrator, he’s outside of time, with the unique perspective of how all the pieces fit together. I think he’s coming in now as a critic, with his usual mix of irreverent anger, to very directly condemn what we see building. Which may seem like a no-brainer, but I’ll point out again how fucking relevant every second of this is to the world right now on this beautiful day in May 2019.

ANYWHO, the passerby wonders what’s going on. “A demonstration, signore,” Lucheni explains. “Nationalists, antisemites, supporters of Schönerer.”

(“Who’s Schönerer?” I innocently asked Wikipedia. “HITLER’S INSPIRATION.” Wikipedia replies.  “oh.”)

“Outrageous!” the passerby says, visibly startled by this news.

“The 20th century. It’s approaching!” And with this, Lucheni walks off-stage, paying no mind as the passerby is viciously beaten with his own cane by the demonstrators.

Those demonstrators once again swarm the stage, spitting at the beaten passerby and reiterating their core mantra: “Hate and violence to those who aren’t like us! And those that spread here, we will chase off!” Question them? Express the slightest hint of disagreement? Hate and violence!

More chilling, the demonstrators are no longer just a gathering of individuals. They’re beginning to march in formation, literally falling in step together.

They’re organizing.

Lucheni takes center stage again, but this time it’s just him. The demonstrators are still present, their voices responding to him from the darkness, but otherwise, he stands alone.

AND BRINGS ELISABETH BACK INTO IT

Again, I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about why the show uses Lucheni here and now. Setting aside my massive ignorance YET AGAIN, I’m not finding anything that indicates Lucheni was particularly antisemitic (the “problem” with Heinrich Heine? I’LL GIVE YOU ONE GUESS.). Lucheni may well have been, but, you know, in a low-key chill sort of way. By which I mean, his deal seems to have been first and foremost about anarchy, not antisemitism or racism. So why have Lucheni be this voice? Why this protest?

And my thought is that we’re dipping for the moment into the “real” Lucheni, rather than the version who’s been taking us on this journey. Or, perhaps another way to look at it is that he represents the growing anti-imperial anarchist movement of the time. He/They may not have specifically been antisemitic, but they were more than happy to wield antisemitism as a tool for their own ends. Fan those flames, and give zero shits about who gets burned.

I think this may be the strongest indictment of Lucheni/anarchists in the musical. Throughout, I feel it mostly comes down on the side of ... if not sympathy, exactly, then of understanding. Elisabeth is complicated, and so, too, would be the feelings about her, particularly for the common people who, as a group, both adore her and suffer at her whims. But Lucheni taking voice here, whatever his motivation, is siding with and inciting those who embody hate and violence, who we know will perpetrate unthinkable atrocities in that name of that hate. The musical doesn’t turn away from the culpability that Lucheni, and those like him, have in not just allowing this but enabling it, ENCOURAGING it.

His piece said, Lucheni runs off-stage, back into the shadows as the demonstration reaches fever pitch.

They march toward the front of the stage, furious but orderly, chaos but contained. The chanting continues, but the marching changes. It becomes a goose-step. There are elaborate hand gestures, and still they all move as one. Finally, it concludes as it must.

The lights slam up, then drop, leaving only one figure on stage.

Rudolf, alone. Not walking past all this like his father, but staring at it directly, unable to look away.

This is what Rudolf sees in their future. Not just the fall of the Hapsburgs, but house after house throughout Europe, the suffering of people in the wake of those conflicts and power vacuums, setting the world stage for even more horrors to come. He KNOWS it’s coming, he can hear it, and the burden of what to do about it falls squarely on his shoulders.

“Hate” is so crucial, I feel, to understanding Rudolf’s thoughts and actions to come in the musical. Without knowing what he sees (things which we know to be true), his motivations against his father make no sense, his longing for some kind of understanding and comfort from his mother make him seem emotionally undeveloped, his desperation lacks weight, and his suicide is reduced to a plot point for Elisabeth rather than the final surrender of hope that we could avoid the inevitable.

And it’s so well done! Really, the way the whole sequence just builds and builds, before abruptly cutting off at this evocative moment, leaving Rudolf its only witness. Just fantastic, I loved it.

IT TOOK ME LIKE A MONTH TO GET MY THOUGHTS TOGETHER TO WRITE THIS POST. One that wasn’t even requested, but again, I hope no one minds too terribly much that I took us down this detour. For as much as I carried on about it, it’s just under two minutes, and if you have those two minutes to spare, I would encourage you to put them here.

[mittensmorgul]

I’m officially out into the early days of Dabb Era (masquerading as the end of Carver Era, but it’s clear that Dabb has already taken over at this point) on the tnt loop. And this scene from the end of 11.16 was just so reminiscent of 14.13:

[BOBBY leaves the house and heads to his car. He waves at the nosy neighbor, and gets in the driver's seat. He notices a bottle, with a note attached to it that says, "Fine, you Ass, you win, for now. Enjoy. R." BOBBY laughs. He gets out his journal to write about the case, when his cell phone rings.] BOBBY: Dean. You boys okay? DEAN: Yeah we're fine, Bobby, where the hell have you been? I've left three messages. BOBBY: Well, I was - DEAN: Look I got a possible lead on Lilith in Maine. But we're on a case in Reno, I texted you the address, so if you're done sitting on your ass…

To John waking up in his car, returned to the past and thinking his trip to the future was a dream:

[The Impala is parked near a lake. JOHN sleeps in the front seat. He’s back in 2003. His cell phone rings on the dashboard. He wakes up and answers the call.] JOHN: Dean. No, I’m okay. I just… I just had one hell of a dream. Yeah. No, it was a good one. I’m on my way back. I’ll see you soon.

And at first I thought, oh hey look at these two incredibly similar scenes between Dean on the phone in the past and his two father figures who’ve just unwittingly actually seen a far-future version of Dean.

11.16 was about the “Soul Eater,” whose nest where he brings victims to feast on their souls exists “outside of space and time.” A place where Dean and Bobby could see one another before being returned to their respective places in time. And 14.13 also exists as a weird not-quite-real pocket in space and time.

But then I realized... In 11.16, Dean was calling Bobby to check out a lead on Lilith because he and Sam were much farther away... in RENO of all places.

Which will become significant again in 12.01, the first “official” Dabb era episode, as the place where John and Mary were married. And also the place where Chuck apparently ditched Amara in 14.20.

The mention of Reno one episode before 11.17 just struck me as significant now, and should for anyone who still believes that Red Meat is somehow glorifying the toxic codependency between Sam and Dean. Y’all need to watch that again and actually pay attention to what the episode does as a whole... Bobo has long been Dabb’s partner in crime when it comes to the big thematic stuff, and they literally co-wrote 11.17, kind of unofficially-officially establishing their start point for the eventual endgame. Billie, Sam’s mysterious resurrection, Dean’s self-sacrifice to barter his life for Sam’s and Billie refuses basically telling him this is not a story that can work like this anymore. And this was BEFORE she became Death. She reminded him that his next destination was The Empty, but then... Dean didn’t die. This episode literally established the defining elements of the eventual subversion of the entire narrative, which we’re seeing finally come to fruition after s14.

Can you see why so many of us were THRILLED by 11.17, and the implications of it, even back then? Because it was NEVER about glorifying the “old story” of Sam and Dean trading their lives for each other. It was about the pointlessness of it on a cosmic scale. And Dabb establishing his own in-story Avatar as showrunner in Billie, the symbolic death of the old spiral narrative. He just needed to bide his time until all the planets aligned and could make the direct run at the ultimate subversion of the original author (i.e. Chuck as Kripke’s avatar).

It made me interested to know the history of Reno getting mentioned in the narrative...

2.19: Folsom Prison Blues. Reno isn’t mentioned in the episode, but the title is from the Johnny Cash song:

When I was just a baby, My Mama told me, "Son, Always be a good boy, Don't ever play with guns, " But I shot a man in Reno, Just to watch him die, When I hear that whistle blowin', I hang my head and cry.

Which is kind of interesting in the context of the episode taken with the context of all the later references. This was an episode where they deliberately committed a crime, deliberately got themselves “locked up,” not only to solve a case, but to help a friend who’d once saved their father’s life in wartime. At the end of the episode, yes, they stage their escape from prison, but their entire compulsion to help people they feel they owe even at the risk of their own lives or liberty, is sort of encapsulated in this episode. I can imagine Chuck’s fascination with these two, “my guys,” stars of his favorite show, choosing the selfless act this way when Chuck tried to keep forcing them to relive his opposite narrative-- one sibling over the other, one being locked up for all eternity while the other goes on happily creating the universe. The eternal conflict-sacrifice narrative... was always Chuck’s imposition on the Winchesters. Even Cain was confused by Dean’s choice in 9.11, not understanding why Dean chose to SAVE his brother rather than kill him, because Cain was living out just another version of Chuck’s story. This is why Sam and Dean are the exceptions, the version that Chuck just can’t understand, the ones who refuse over and over to accept that Chuck’s story must be *their* story. No matter how hard he’s tried, Chuck just can’t break their will. He can’t stop them from continuing to fight. Even now that Dean has broken and said yes to Michael. Even that couldn’t break his will in the end.

3.01: The Magnificent Seven. When Sam learns about Dean’s demon deal for his life, he begins trying to find ways to get Dean out of the deal and save his life. Tamara suggested to him that there’s a hoodoo priestess in Louisiana who may be able to help:

DEAN: Sam, no hoodoo spell's gonna break this deal, all right? It's a goose chase. SAM: Yeah, but we don't know that, Dean— DEAN (cutting him off): Yes, we do. Forget it. She can't help. SAM (trying to cut in): Look, it's worth— DEAN (speaking over SAM): We're not going, and that's that. What about Reno, huh?

And Dean tells him no, because if they try to get out of the deal, Sam dies. So said the demon he made his deal with, and Dean refuses to let that happen. He even refuses to tell Sam that fact yet, and diverts the conversation with the suggestion they go to Reno instead.

And this is the opposite of Chuck’s original choice, to sacrifice and lock up his sister so his creation could expand unfettered. Dean chose instead to sacrifice himself so Sam could go live that normal life he’d always dreamed of. This was just the beginning of the very long game Chuck would play with them...

Vaguely near the end of s4, and also 11.16:

Between April 17th - ~May 3rd, 2009: Bobby and Rufus investigate what they think is a ghost haunting a house in Grand Rapids, MI. Sam and Dean are in Reno

We never do learn more about the case they were working there, but it did give them a lead on Lilith. Remember that 4.20, the Rapture, takes place on May 3 that year, immediately after this point in the timeline. Castiel was about to try to reveal Heaven’s deception, and their role in breaking the seals to free Lucifer and was dragged back to be reprogrammed into an obedient soldier again. And he would break free of that two episodes later in 4.22, siding with the Winchesters over Heaven and sealing his own fate in a powerful display of free will.

8.21: The Great Escapist: One of the Biggersons locations where we see Cas pass through in his manipulation of quantum superposition to evade the angels is Reno, Nevada.

11.16: the other side of the “outside of time and space” meeting between s4 Bobby and s11 Dean.

12.01: Dean, in trying to convince a freshly resurrected Mary of his identity, and the fact that 33 years have elapsed since she died:

Dean: Dad told me. March 23, 1972 you walked out of a movie theater, Slaughterhouse-Five, you loved it. And you bumped into a big marine and knocked him on his ass. You were embarrassed and he laughed it off, said you could make it up to him with a cup of coffee. So you went to, uh, Maroni's, and you talked and he was cute, and he knew the words to every Zeppelin song, so when he asked you for your number you gave it to him even though you knew your dad would be pissed. That was the night that you met- Mary: John Winchester. Dean: August 19, 1975 you were married, in Reno, your idea. Few years later I came along, then Sammy.

14.20: Amara is, according to the Lying Liar Chuck, in Reno... while meanwhile Billie, Jack, and the Shadow are having a double-secret conference in the Empty while Chuck unleashes Hell on Earth.

I’m wondering if we’ll ever hear mention of Reno again...