#they’re Good People TM and Know What They’re Doing and Do It Because It’s Necessary etc. etc.

[laufire]

the thing about knightfall is. I've seen bruce-batman do shit that violent and that cruel to random perps before let alone the truly dangerous rogues. and not only in other media but ALSO in mainline comics (some mainline comics older than this even) so. I acknowledge jean paul-batman is presented as soooo much worse and sooooo unhinged immediately after putting on the cowl, even before he does anything really drastic, but also uh. it does require suspending my disbelief a little bit that everyone is SO SHOCKED about how UN-BRUCE-LIKE he's acting. I can do it! but part of me is like....... fam I'm not buying this.

[hawkogurl]

Even I don’t know what this post is about and there’s probably no way for me to say this without sounding a little pretentious and for that I apologize but here’s some Norman meta analysis.

In terms of the Great Raimi Norman Discussion, something I thank a god I don’t believe in every day hasn’t yet escalated to Discourse(tm), among the things I wish weren’t a factor alongside the entire movie of NWH is the entire concept of a character being irredeemable. In my personal opinion, redemption is change. There is no point at which a person is not capable of some sort of positive change, so there’s no point where someone is irredeemable. This is simplifying for the sake of brevity, but it gets my point across.

However by the standards of larger fandom, there tends to be a collection of specific things that label a character irredeemable. These tend to be bigotry of most if not any form, any form of abuse, and sexual violence.

Raimi Norman managed to tick off all three.

Taking into account the authorial intent, Norman is very much meant to be sexist, an emotionally abusive parent, and I personally believe it’s very very likely that the comment the Goblin made towards MJ at the end of the first movie was intended to be a rape threat, especially taking into account him ogling her earlier in the movie.

The thing that tends to occur with those three topics in media is that they feel too real and too close to home and connect too much with people’s personal experiences. This can result a lot in people who generally like or enjoy a character with those traits sort of feeling the need to minimize, deny, or entirely avoid the topic of those things because it can feel like a reflection on their personal character to like a character who is those things or make them feel like they can’t enjoy the traits of those characters that they do enjoy. Norman’s behavior with MJ isn’t acknowledging and people tend to swing towards saying Norman was a bad parent or a neglectful parent because the word Abusive is a point of no return for most people when it shouldn’t be.

This is incorrect and anyone who tries to make you feel bad for this is incorrect. Personal preferences aren’t morality.

I broadly do not enjoy this for all the prior stated reasons but also because I feel this is also a root cause for a lot of Good Old Fashioned Norman Woobification. With denying these topics, in particular his child abuse and sexism because I’m aware the third is debatable, people end up implicitly taking the responsibility he has for his actions as a 57 year old man who made all his decisions on his own away from him or otherwise minimizing what he did or trying to make excuses, once again because modern fandom morality is a plague and people think any of the above means they can’t like a character.

And even besides that, I personally feel that to perform meaningful analysis of his character you have to be willing to embrace and openly acknowledge the very shitty things he does all on his own of his own agency. That sort of full understanding of a character is pretty necessary. You’re able to come to more complete and more defendable positions. And while I, me, tumblr user hawkogurl might not agree with them, they’re gonna be better developed. I don’t need to agree with them. I believe exposing myself to opinions I don’t agree with is good for me. It prevents the development of an echo chamber.

I continue to have no clue what I’m saying with this post so I’m gonna stop here. Because I’ll feel weird if I don’t say it, this post isn’t even directed at anyone specifically, we’ve come a long way from 2021 NWH era fandom and most people tend to be willing to acknowledge he’s kind of the worst and I don’t need to agree with you to respect you.

[juniperhillpatient]

I get I mean I GET what they’re doing with Zuko & Katara in the Crystal catacombs & I actually love it like I love their conversation & what it means for both characters & Katara’s empathy for Zuko & his empathy for her as they realize they’ve both suffered losses. All of that part is great. And I feel like my critique that Katara shouldn’t have offered the spirit water now she should’ve offered it to Jet is written off because everyone knows I’m a Jet stan & I hate how his death was handled. But genuinely forget about my love for Jet for a second & try to understand me. Narratively it does not make sense. It doesn’t make sense that Katara who LOVES to protect people who won’t abandon anyone - offers this extra special Tm healing juice to Zuko for a wound that’s long since physically healed but not a dying boy. I GET that they had to remind us of it in order for Aang to get the Healy Juice Special later okay I’m not stupid. I GET that the connection between Katara & Zuko is valuable to the story & again I am onboard. But the offer of spirit water wasn’t necessary to make their conversation worthwhile & relevant. It simply was not. The talk of their shared loss of a mother was good enough as a point of emotional connection. This specific way of reminding us about the extra special healing juice? Is stupid. Objectively. Sorry.

[nat-20s]

Wonderful! Au Part 7! (also on ao3 here) another episode only installment, and obnoxiously fluffy! Have fun!

~*~

Martin, tired: Hello everybody! Welcome, or welcome back, to a very low energy episode. We have had, as the kids say, A Week Tm.

Jon, equally tired, but fond: Is that as the kids say?

Martin: I don't know, and perhaps worse, I don't really care. I guess I could ask Jeremiah next time he's over, but I'm not sure if that would actually help.

Jon: Shockingly, I don't think two year olds have their finger on the beating pulse of youth culture.

Martin: Hmm, maybe not. Speaking of Jeremiah, he's part of why the format of this episode is gonna be a bit different than our regular. On top of me dealing with a frankly obscene amount of inventory management, and Jon being swamped with grant writing-

Jon: I never want to look at proposal guidelines again-

Martin: we were on babysitting duty for our favourite neighborhood hellion-

Jon: Hey, Jeremiah is a very sweet kid! I know he's a toddler, but we shouldn't be slandering him anyway.

Martin: One, we're not even using his real name, I don't think that counts as slander, and two, exactly, he's a toddler, he's by default a hellion.

Jon, teasing: This coming from the person that actually wants one?

Martin: I..look, if anything, the last few days have shown we should not be permanent parents.

Jon: But?

Martin:...There's no but.

Jon: I don't believe you! Are you lying for my benefit or the audience's? Because someone spent the last five days wearing one of the largest grins I've ever seen, exhausted as it may have been.

Martin: Okay! Fine, I admit, I liked having a kid around. I still think it would be a bad idea to do it full time, but I dunno. I wish we weren't both only children or something. We would make such good uncles.

Jon: Should I should have taken that teaching job after all?

Martin: Perhaps. After all,

Martin, singsong: An English teacher, is really someone!

Jon and Martin, singing together: If only you, had be-come one!

Jon: Honestly, though, I was considerably underqualified. I'm much more suited to my current job, even if it doesn't have quite the same impact on the "shaping of the next generation" or whatnot.

Martin: Wait, you actually care about qualifications now? When did that change?

Jon: This coming from Mister "master's degree in parapsychology"? And it was probably around the time that the world ended from taking on a workload I was ill-suited for.

Jon:...

Jon: Metaphorically speaking, of course.

Martin: Oh, of course. Definitely nothing literally apocalyptic in our pasts, no siree, nothing to see or speculate about or make weirdly involved forums for here. Uh, anyway, long introduction not so short: Both of us have been averaging about 4 hours of sleep, so any sort of actual research was not on the table.

Jon: If any of you are wondering why we didn't just say that we're both very much worn out and thus we'll be taking a week off, it's because we're both deeply, deeply stubborn.

Martin: It's one of our best shared qualities that has never caused any conflict between us, ever.

Jon: In fairness, sheer stubbornness does account for, what, 75% of the reason that either of us are still alive? And it hasn't caused a major conflict between us in a good three years.

Martin: That's true. We've become a deeply boring, relatively conflict free couple. Which fucking rules, by the way. To all the couples out there: I highly recommend being boring. It is so nice. We've gotten to go to the farmer's market so many times.

Jon: You do love the farmer's market. I would say that it's the access to fresh produce, but I think you just like the attention that one yarn seller gives you. Can't believe you would take advantage of a crush to get discounts on wool. How did I marry such an opportunist?

Martin: Ollie does not have a crush on me. They're just friendly to everyone.

Jon: Bullshit. I certainly never get an extra skein or stitch markers or delicate fabric cleaner tossed in my bag. Actually, I think I've been charged more for committing the crime of having married you before they could.

Martin: I'm..70% sure that's not true, but every sentence we speak, we stray further from even pretending to be on topic. So, to everybody listening, this is the itty bitty episode! Basically, we're only doing small wonders and user submissions. If you want details or backstory for things we like, too bad, come back next week. Jon, I believe you're first this week?

Jon: Oh, right. My first small wonder is cat names.

Martin: Delightful, but unsurprising. Though, I would've expected either more or less specificity. Why cat names as opposed to pet's names in general, or, like, military title names?

Jon: Well that's simple enough. I've simply never met a misnamed cat, even if the name itself wasn't to my personal tastes, and I think that speaks to the wonderful universality of cats.

Martin: This, of course, implies that you have met animals that were misnamed.

Jon: Oh, I have. I once met a papillion dog named Meatball.

Martin: Now I know you don't like food names in general for pets, but are you sure that Meatball didn't suit the dogs personality? I've known some "Meatballs" in my lifetime.

Jon, only half-mock offended: Of course it didn't fit, Martin. She was a lady. A nervous, jittery lady, but a lady nonetheless.

Martin, laughing: And what, you've never met a dignified cat with an undignified name, or vice versa? Would you be okay with our cat being named Meatball?

Jon: I would be upset if our cat was named Meatball, because we named her and we're above that sort of thing, but, technically speaking, she could have been Meatball in another lifetime and it wouldn't have been wrong. You see, all cats are a mix of both extremely austere and little baby idiot.

Martin: Oh, is that the scientific terminology?

Jon: It is. Now, while there's probably some amount of, er, normative determinism or confirmation bias or something that results in a cat with a more dignified name seeming to possess more of that austerity, as all cats have both, any name can, potentially, fit. Hence why it's wonderful.

Martin: I..accept your proposal for now, but I think more research needs to be done. Maybe we should visit the shelter this weekend and test your hypothesis.

Jon: Hmm. I think we may need to visit multiple shelters, actually. A large sample size is necessary for any sort of veracity, obviously.

Martin, imitating Jon tone: Obviously.

Jon: Glad you agree. What's your first small wonder?

Martin: Tofu!

Jon: I..didn't realize you liked that much?

Martin: Well, I don't get it very often since I know you can't stand the texture, even though it is not like 'worse scrambled eggs', and you're a horrible food thief-

Jon: Lies and slander. We readily share. If I'm a horrible food thief, you have committed the exact same, if not worse, crime as myself.

Martin: Well, we are thick as thieves.

Jon, groaning: You're thick as something alright

Martin: Rude! My beloved husband-

Jon: -uh huh-

Martin: whom I love and trust with my most tender of hearts-

Jon: -an oddly cannibalistic turn of phrase-

Martin, badly suppressing laughter: Oh, my god. I want a divorce, then I can put tofu in as many dishes as I like. I'll triple my protein intake.

Jon: It'd never go through. I'll burn the papers. No, wait, I'll burn down the legal offices where the papers are kept.

Martin: Hmm. While my experiences with it have been, uh, varied to say the least, I do have to admit that arson is one of the more attractive crimes of passion. I suppose I'll take you back.

Jon, flat: I'm so very grateful.

Jon, genuine: You do have yet to actually tell me why you think tofu is wonderful, love.

Martin: It's just a good food! It's neutral enough that you can toss it in pretty much anything with a sauce, you can bake it, you can fry it, whatever. Plus it's what? two? Three quid? I spent many years of my life living off the cheapest, saltiest approximation of noodles you could imagine, and half a pack of tofu, a little bit of sesame oil, and some green onions went a long way to both making it more filling and less sad. 

Martin: Plus, I feel like it often gets decried for being something it's not? It's so often viewed as a meat substitute or the vegan alternative option, and so when people try it, they often go in with a false preconceived notion of what it's going to be like, and then end up disappointed. They're all like, 'ugh, this doesn't taste like turkey!' and yeah, of course it doesn't. It's the oatmeal raisin cookie of the protein world, a perfectly good and tasty treat on its own, but if you want chocolate chip, it's not gonna work.

Jon: Martin you don't even like oatmeal raisin. I'm the only one that ever eats them out of the multipacks.

Martin: Well, yeah, but I don't like oatmeal raisin because of its flavor, not because I think it should be chocolate chip and fails. It illustrates my point. Also, just for balance, is your next small wonder oatmeal raisin cookies?

Jon: No, though, maybe one of these weeks. They are good. But no, um, my next small wonder is being married.

Martin, let out a high bark of a laugh: Being married is a small wonder?!

Jon: Small wonders doesn't mean a lack of importance! Or even significance in our lives. Half the time we even end up spending just as much time chattering on about them as the things we actually research. But, yes, I didn't feel like researching the concept of being married. For one, a lot of the history of it is depressing and patriarchal, and for two, it's not something I really feel any need to elaborate on. Being married. I very much enjoy it. I recommend it for anybody that's found someone that they want to marry, and who wants to marry them. I really recommend being married to Martin Blackwood, I think I would enjoy it significantly less if it was to anybody else, but one: we typically try to make the wonderful things in this show  applicable to more than just ourselves, and two: I got there first, so I believe the appropriate thing to say here would be; neener neener and/or everyone else can go suck it, Ollie.

Martin: Well...

Jon: Well, what?

Martin: Saying you got there first is technically not true-

Jon: What?!

Martin, laughing like a bastard: Sorry, sorry! Couldn't resist! Jon, you already know that you're my first real realationship, how would be married before fit that?

Jon: Hence my surprise at the notion! I cannot believe you! I give you my trust, my earnestness, and belief-

Martin [only laughs harder]

Jon: and you throw it in my face for a bit. I take back everything, being married is a nightmare, because sometimes your partner thinks he a fucking comedian and you just have to put up with him because you love him and want to live the rest of your life with him or some such nonsense. Not worth it, if you ask me. My turn to ask for the divorce.

Martin: Babe, hate to break it to you, but both of us are guilty of doing bits that the other doesn't like, it's an integral part of  a healthy marriage, and secondly, you knew who I was long before I proposed. You should've said no when you had the chance.

Jon: Hang on, you proposed?

Martin: Yeah? This isn't part of a bit, of course I proposed. I'm even pretty sure you were there. The whole visit back to Scotland trip? I finally made you a sweater and said it was because we would now be immune to the boyfriend curse?

Jon: No, no, I remember all that, but it wasn't the proposal. It was a reaffirmation of the proposal. We had already decided to get married.

Martin: Well, yeah,, I wasn't just gonna spring that on you, we had had conversations beforehand-

Jon:  No, I mean, I had already proposed. I asked you to marry me a good three years earlier, and you said yes, which is a proposal by any definition that I know.

Martin: Jon, love, darling, apple of my eye, fire of my soul, I mean this in the nicest way possible, what the everloving fuck are you talking about?

Jon: In the ambulance ride when we, uh, moved here. It was the thing I said to you the second I saw your eyes were open.

[An audible pause is left in the recording.]

Martin: That does not count.

Jon: How does it not count?! I asked you to marry me, you very emphatically said yes, that's the de facto definition of an accepted marriage proposal!

Martin: It doesn't count because you were half-delirious with blood-loss, and I had a traumatic brain injury that the hospital was very surprised I made a full recovery from. No court in the world would consider anything we said then more than pain driven ramblings, let alone, I dunno, contractually binding.

Jon: Well, I knew what I was saying well and clear. Just because it was desperate doesn't mean it wasn't sincere. I didn't realize that you weren't as cognizant when you accepted.

Martin, snorting: Yeah, didn't really need to be cognizant to say yes. I've wanted to marry you since the train ride to Scotland.

Jon: Wait, really? Martin, we hadn't even been on a date.

Martin: And yet we were on the lamb together, which I honestly think is more romantic than sitting in some restaurant somewhere trying to get through icebreakers. Also, back up, from your perspective we've been engaged since 2019? What did you think we were doing in the interim?

Jon: Uhh..

Martin: Yes?

Jon: There are people that have long engagement periods, and it's not exactly like we were in any sort of position to get married for awhile. Especially not that first year.

Martin: Okay? And?

Jon: And..I sort of thought you had changed your mind. For awhile. Was rather surprised that you kept living with me, considering that, on the worst nights, I was convinced you were going to storm off and leave me forever any minute now. Hence why your proposal was rather relieving.

Martin: Oh, Jon, love. That is so very ridiculous, and so very you, and so very close to many of my own fears and doubts. Do you have any idea how terrified I was to float the idea of marriage to you? Half the time I was convinced I was just meant to keep you company until you found someone better. And, Christ, we'd, from your perspective, been engaged the whole damn time. Fuck.

[Jon, after a beat, starts laughing. It has a slightly hysterical edge to it. Martin joins in. It takes a minute for the laughter to subside enough for them to speak again.]

Jon: I'm rapidly realizing that our entire romantic relationship would've been, if not more successful, a hell of a lot faster if we weren't both complete fools.

Martin: You're realizing that now? I think I've known that since the CV incident. I've definitely known it since the Lonely.

Jon, with a slightly tired chuckle:Yes, yes, something probably should've tipped me off earlier. Shockingly, observation of our own personal romantic trends is not always a strong suit of mine.

Jon: Anyway, please tell me you have another small wonder, this has gotten wildly of track.

Martin: Since we're talking about marriage anyway, I think my next small wonder is having a shared reference in your wedding vows. Our friends had "I have been, and always shall be, your friend" in theirs, and I made Jon cry with a slightly altered Lord of the Rings quote in ours.

Jon: First off, we were both openly weeping long before that point, secondly, I defy anybody to have been through half of what we have and then have the love of their life look them in the eyes and tell them "Leave you? I never intend to. I am going with you, if you climb to the moon" without at least tearing up.

Martin: There wasn't a dry eye in the audience, either. Granted, the audience was only 20 people, but that was also literally the only time I've seen Eloise show a strong emotion, so I'm pretty smug about it.

Martin, soft: I still feel exactly the same, you know. If you're climbing to the moon, I'll make sure the rope is strong enough for two.

Jon, soft: I know, love.

Jon: Though, to be fair, the moon is also significantly more pleasant than many places we've been.

Martin: God, I hate how much that's true. Look at this barren, oxygenless rock, at least it's not actively trying to kill us. Practically a honeymoon location.

[Martin sighs]

Martin: I am so tired. Let's do the user submissions then take a very long nap.

Jon: Please.

Martin: So, first submission is from Josie; They find it wonderful getting cards from their friends. They say they're lucky to have so much love in their life and have friends that care enough to send them things. That is wonderful Josie! We have a drawer in our house dedicated to every loving card we've ever received since the move, and they're always such a nice reminder of the people in our lives.

Jon: We should really organize that drawer, but, yes, agree with the sentiment. Even the cards from people that are no longer in our lives are lovely, I think. Those connections are very much meaningful for both of us, whether they're active or not.

Martin: That's very true.  Next submission is from Lys, who submits the sound of leaves crunching under your feet in the fall. Ah, that's a classic.

Jon: I just felt myself relax imagining it. I wish it was autumn.

Martin: Don't we all? Alright, for the last submissions, I'm grouping them together as they follow a similar theme. Jadwiga submits the feeling of waking up well into the morning with the sun shining through the window and your cat laying next to you, and Oran submits when a dog falls asleep with its head in your lap.

Jon: I can heartily recommend at least one of those, considering that's how we try to wake up most mornings. The Duchess is a dutiful darling girl who spends every night with us, and she's usually still there when us humans rise.

Martin: I bet you'll agree with the other when I finally convince you to get me a dog for my birthday.

Jon: It hasn't happened yet, so I wouldn't hold your breath.

Martin: But you don't even dislike dogs! You're just as happy to pet them when they pass by as I am.

Jon: Being fine with an animal isn't the same thing as wanting to adopt one for yourself! We don't even know if The Duchess would put up with a dog.

Martin: I bet she would. I bet we could get a big senior dog who's the calmest animal you've ever met with those soft eyes and a little grey on the muzzle and she would cuddle up in an instant. And we did say we should visit a shelter or three this weekend..

Jon: I think you're rather callously taking advantage of my exhausted state, but I suppose we can look. 

Martin: Hell fuckin yeah. So, I think that'll close out the episode, and as we always say at the end, uh, go take a nap and get a dog. Not necessarily in that order.

[kaibutsushidousha]

If the v3 cast were Masters, which Servants would they summon who has the highest compatibility with them ?

Akamatsu and Amakusa

Amami and Nursery Rhyme

Iruma and Caligula

Ouma and Nightingale

Ki-bo and Kotarou

Gonta and Bedivere

Saihara and Arjuna

Shirogane and Gilgamesh (Caster)

Shinguuji and Medusa

Chabashira and Xuanzang

Toujou and Queen of Sheba

Harukawa and Jason

Hoshi and Dantes

Momota and Mandricardo

Yumeno and Nagiko

Angie and Douman

Explanations under the cut in case you're confused, because you probably are.

First off, Twitter people might be wondering why so many choices are different from what I chose for this thread. Obvious consideration for who is normally summonable aside, the main thing I kept in mind here is that compatibility summon comes in two flavors. Pattern A is a hero similar in nature to Master (Sakura and Medusa, Ryuunosuke and Gilles, etc), and Pattern B is the hero the Master needs for the personal struggles of their character arc (Pepe and Ash, Erice and Voyager, Elsa and Arash, Jinako and Karna, etc). Pattern B is always more interesting than Pattern A, so that's what I'm using for all my choices. Now let me go over them one by one.

1. I say things will be different from the thread and immediately break the promise with Akamatsu. Akamatsu relied a lot on Saihara's brain to build her plan, but their relationship was never one of mutual trust because she knew Saihara would agree to her harsher and more definitive methods. The hero Akamatsu needs is someone both competent and like-minded. Someone who shares her earnest will to save everyone and willingness to use more extreme methods for it. Amakusa is the Servant for her.

2. For Amami, I'll go with Nursery Rhyme. Much like Raikou got Nursery in the Heian Singularity's Imperial Grail War as the emotional crutch daughter figure she needed, Amami gets an emotional crutch little sister figure to help him reunite with the twelve he lost. This pair would be interesting because it'd subvert Nursery's usual MO of simply forcing others to reconnect with their inner child. The whole reason why he lost 12 sisters is that his passion for seafaring and exploration distracts him from what he's supposed to do. Her role as the villain of the Santa Nightingale event shows she can be harsh when children are being neglected, so Nursery would be the force pulling Amami back on track, but she'd have to balance that with allowing him to enjoy himself to preserve his childish love for adventure. He'd be a tough and delicate case for our Hero of Children.

3. The hero Iruma needs is... anyone who tolerates her, really. My first thought was Karna, but he's about finding value where no one else does, and Iruma has her share of undeniable value, so I think he isn't the best choice. Their pair would be a watered-down version of Jinako's pair anyways. Fate/ actually quite scarce of Servants defined by being all-tolerant because that's a trait they push more on Fujimaru, but two examples that come to mind are Romulus, the man who loved all of Rome (read: human civilization) in both its sins and achievements; and Caligula, the man who went crazy trying to do the same. Romulus is too OP to help Iruma tone down her ego, so I'll go with Caligula.

4. Ouma is a hard case. He needs someone he can absolutely trust and finding one of those is a huge challenge. The only ones Ouma has expressed full trust to were Gonta, because he was unquestionably good and weak-willed enough to never stray away from Ouma's instruction without asking first; and chapter 5 Momota, who was in circumstances so complicated that he wouldn't dare to throw away the chance Ouma's script offered. Ouma is the kind of paranoid control freak who would intentionally go for a Berserker because even the ones who speak are single-minded in a way that makes them easy to plan around. The alternative would be someone so like-minded in methods and standards that he'd probably hate them but still trust as someone who thinks the same way he would, but only BB fits that bill and she's not normally summonable. With that card off the table, the only options Ouma has left are Berserker he can trust to never kill anyone ever, and the only Zerk valuing life this much is Nightingale. BB's fellow nurse, amusingly enough.

5. Ki-bo would be offended with Alaya if he summoned a robot or homunculus just because he's a robot. And he also wishes for a partner that will treat him as an equal without denying what makes him different as a robot. In short, he needs a human Servant that is used to have normal relationships with robots. But Chen Gong or Red Hare because they're too evil, nor Orion because he's too crude. That leaves us with robot Danzou's human son, Fuuma Kotarou.

6. Gonta's wish is to become a true gentleman his human family can acknowledge, and for that, he needs the example of someone who is both well-mannered and of noble heart. Bedivere is an easy choice.

7. As I mentioned a few times before around 2017~18, I strongly think the best thing about Saihara is his interactions with Hoshi. Saihara is a guy feeling eternally guilty because he made one "good guy" murderer pay for his crime and he tries to make up for it by forcefully validating Hoshi's mass-murdering of the mafia. Then in Fate/, we have Arjuna, an all-around excellent man who adamantly believes himself to be evil because he did one dishonorable thing once. Saihara is the stubborn validating Master Arjuna needs to make him understand that he is not the monster he believes himself to be.

8. The first thing about Shirogane is that she really doesn't like reality, especially when it concerns herself. She can't muster any interest in the boring, plain girl she is or the boring, plain world she lives in, so she makes a hobby and a job out of becoming someone else, a larger-than-life figure in a fictional world. She loves all Danganronpa characters but expresses greater adoration towards Junko and Kamukura, the most unreal the series has produced. Enter Gilgamesh, the Hero King with the comically large ego and literally all Noble Phantasm to satiate Tsumugi's craving for a break from reality. That said, Gilgamesh has the recurring hobby of playing therapist to a Master disconnected from their own self and is the franchise's greatest symbol of the willing departure from the Age of Gods into the Age of Man. As much as he fits her tastes on a surface level, he's the guy who transitioned the flashy world of fantasy she dreams of into the plain world she hates, and he'll use most of his free time to the same on a personal level for her. The Caster version is being specifically picked because Archer has childish beef with modernity, and Caster is intentionally making his arsenal more limited and unimpressive, which is self-demonstrative of the points he wants to make to Shirogane.

9. One of his Free Time Events has him explaining why Medusa is his favorite myth, and I definitely can't claim to know this shit better than him. Deep emotional attachment to a story can net you a compatibility summon, as Kiara is there to show, and Shinguuji gets bonus points from how TM Medusa became a monster out of living her life for her sisters rather than for herself.

10. Cute and righteous female Buddhist mentor figure who does martial arts. What else could Chabashira ask for?

11. Toujou takes self-worth from serving big important people with utmost perfection, so she needs her Servant to be a king or similarly important leader. But she also needs it to be a support Caster so can properly invert the Master-Servant relationship and personally fight the enemy Servant for her king. The only characters in the middle of the Venn diagram of kings and support Casters are Medea and Sheba, and Medea wants nothing do with the royalty life anymore, so Sheba it is.

12. The role of the hero Harukawa needs is already properly fulfilled by Momota in the story, so I'll go with Jason because he shares all of Momota's strenghts and flaws. He's someone who'll force her to be part of a team, relentlessly encourage her break out of her shell, and have a shitty personality she can never fully respect, making the relationship balanced. And things would go even smoother with Jason because his summon comes with Atalante, who is someone Harukawa can easily relate to.

13. Hoshi needs someone who would assure him of his choices and make him comfortably reconnect with his past like he did with Saihara in his Free Time Events. As practically the face of the Avenger Class, Dantes defines himself as an ally and guardian to the ones who were wronged and lashed out in less than virtuous ways, so he's a perfect fit.

14. Momota is too aware of himself as the protagonist of his own story to want a hero. He would instead want a loyal sidekick or a like-minded rival. Voyager is a good sidekick option due to his fit with Momota's wish for greater adventure further beyond, and is a Servant Momota mentions in his Free Time Events, so there's the emotional connectional to his story there. For a rival, a big name adventurer like Drake or Odysseus could work, and so could a wandering warrior like Musashi. But there's one option that fits both roles: Mandricardo. Rica has the adventurer experience necessary to eventually compete with Momota, but also Saihara's level of self-esteem, allow him to start on the sidekick role until Momota pulls him out of it and shapes him into a proper rival.

15. Like with Harukawa, the role of hero Yumeno needs is already fulfilled by Chabashira in canon, so we know what she needs is someone with high energy and a deep understanding of emotions. And Fate/'s biggest connesieur of human emotion is none other than our Kiyohara no Nagiko.

16. Angie is a complicated case because she doesn't react well to being disobeyed. My first idea for someone with a functioning partnership with her is a knight, but knights generally work on the premise that their king is selfless and righteous, which Angie isn't. There are people like Lan Ling, Liangyu, the ninjas, Mori or Okita, who submit their lives to anyone's authority, but for that same reason, they wouldn't help Angie improve. What she really needs is someone good at feigning humility, like Limbo. He wouldn't have good intentions for her Master, but by manipulating situations out of her control without letting her feel like her divine words are being challenged, he can force some level of change on her mindset. It's better than nothing.

[heavenaintaniceplace]

so i found my mother’s copy of the jw (new world translation) bible and i decided to yoink that shit for disposal but not before i realized there is a lot of lines highlighted in the book from when she was being manipulated by the jw lady that convinced her to do “bible study” for years. and what do you know if the lines the lady had my mother highlight weren’t the same lines that jws use to justify their cult beliefs! all the lines are cherry picked, no actual study, just the lady manipulating and priming her to accept their beliefs by presenting so called “biblical proof.” so here is some of the things that stand out before i finally rip this thing to shreds and through it away.

literally the whole book replaces every instance of the tetagrammaton with “jehovah” because they want people to believe its been “removed from the bible thousands of times because they don’t want you to know the true name of god”. the whole thing is translated with an agenda to make them look right and everyone else wrong and to make people believe they have some secret hidden knowledge (they don’t they’re liars). putting this under a read more because its very long.

heavy TW for everything related ro religious trauma, the jehovah’s witnesses, bible passages and christianity. incredibly long post. i plan on burning the jehovah’s witness copy of the bible, no joke.

the imago dei part of genesis to try and convince her that humans were super special to god

genesis chapter 3, the serpent convincing eve to eat the fruit of knowledge so that she would accept their version of the original sin doctrine and that women are cursed

chapter where cain kills abel to convince her that this was the first murder in human history (obviously incorrect)

highlighted the part where god kills everything on earth with a flood to groom her into expecting god to do it again later and seen as fair and just and part where god “gives” noah every living creature (because fuck other organisms apparently)

part of leviticus where (in their version) theyre like “no soul must eat blood” (what the fuck) to justify not allowing life saving blood transfusions

deuteronomy part about “jehovah being one” to justify being non trinitarian (they don’t believe jesus is god or that the holy spirit is god, this is meant to lure people who are already christians away from their denoms and into theirs)

“thou shall not kill” is highlighted for some reason and i don’t know why

highlighted job 1:12 to emphasize that they believe satan is in control of the world because god allows it and job 26:7 that has a note saying “the earth hangs there” when talking about sheol to convince her of where earth is relative to “heaven” and using a bunch of “face of the waters” creationist language to make it vague as possible. job 27:5 to make her believe that “no one is righteous” and that saying so is sinful

part in psalms that assures that “wicked people will be no more if you just wait a little while longer” (this is the apocalypse imminent narrative they use to groom people with fear of dying or leaving but also to get them warmed up to the idea of mass death). “the righteous will inherit the earth and live forever” narrative so they believe that jws will live on earth forever after being resurrected while everyone else (whos not a jw) is killed by god

psalms 91 to drive home the fact that these people think theyre invincible in every meaning of the word, to natural disasters and disease etc

proverbs 6 part about “false witnesses”. jws believe that three jehovah’s witnesses have to be present to verify that a crime (like domestic or sexual abuse) actually happened or the governing body and elders don’t care. literally. the “false witness” narrative is used against survivors and people they want to silence in their organization and emphasizes how much jehovah hates “false witnesses” aka people brave enough to talk and victims

proverbs 12:18 about “wise and unwise tongues”, basically anyone that speaks out against the jws are “unwise” and harmful

proverbs 22 about raising children (”train up a child”, if you don’t know it already this is a child abuser dog whistle) that implies that indoctrination will last until adulthood if done right. this is especially bad because this copy is from the early 2000s when i was in kindergarten. this woman had been lurking on us since i was an infant.

proverbs 27 about how neighbors near is better than brothers far away. the implication here is that fundamentally family who aren’t jws don’t matter

ecclesiates 5. i genuinely think its warning people to not ask too much of god or risk his anger, thats the vibe im getting here because the wording is confusing as fuck

isiah 40:22 trying to hammer in the notion that god is greater than anything especially “worldly” governments (except the governing body ofc /s). isiah 43:10 the “you are my witnesses” to justify the name “jehovah’s witnesses” and shoehorn the idea in

daniel 2:40, the idea of an indescribable kingdom, the whole kingdoms in the “last days” conspiracy they use to convince people the “last days” are coming

matthew 4:8 where jesus is persuaded by satan by offering every kingdom on earth. the point in text is “don’t worship anyone except god” but the point of the jws is that nothing on earth actually matters

matthew 6:9 (nice), the our father, meant to make the reader to ask god to hasten the kingdom of god or as we ex-jws know hasten the apocalypse and the death of people they dont like

matthew 16:24, meant to convince people to leave everything behind and join the jws, “disown yourself” aka “die to yourself” toxic bullshit repackaged

matthew 19:9, to convince people that divorce even in instances of domestic abuse is wrong because the governing body won’t allow it and loves to control women

matthew 24:4-14, “anyone who doesnt speak for the jws is a false prophet” and warms people up to the notion that war is necessary; also that evidence of war is a sign of the “last days” and that this is supposed to be good news. ongoing war and the hope for global genocide is “good news” to them.

matthew 24:21. this one is meant to make people feel the apocalypse could happen at any time and to be afraid of it, a great war is coming and only the “chosen ones” (jehovah’s witnesses) will survive when everyone else dies. there’s a paper bookmark on this page. makes me wonder.

mark 8:34. the “die to yourself” bullshit, the idea that the cross was a “torture stake” because jws believe that wearing crosses is idolatry and they want other people to believe their quirky beliefs so they accept heavier things

matthew 10:28, “anyone who follows jehovah and jesus will literally live forever!” but also that “no one is prepared to leave their family for jesus and thats shameful because you should want to sacrifice your entire family!”

mark 11:24 “anything you pray for earnestly you get”. this is spiritual bypassing btw. and :25 “ask for forgiveness and be automatically forgiven no matter what you did” is also fucked

matthew 15-23: jesus (almost) gets wasted while being crucified etc, not sure why this one is highlighted unless im missing some jw bullshit here

luke 20:27. don’t understand this one but they’re threatening “heavier judgement” on people

john 5:28, promising resurrection through jesus after people die but only for the Good tm people (the jws)

john 6:15. how jesus is about to be arrested but goes to a mountain. dunno why this on is underlined

john 11:24. bringing home the same “jesus will save you from dying if youre a jw” bullshit. john 14:6 “jesus is the ONLY way ever! there can’t be anything else except jesus” indoctrination tailored to make you co-dependent. john 17:3, hook line and sinker of promising resurrection and “eternal life” again

john 17:15. here is the “we aren’t of the World tm” shit meant to make you feel outcast from everyone else who isnt a jw, setting up “the world” (everyone else) as other

acts 15:25. “follow the jw rules because the holy spirit you to”

romans 10:10, spread jw beliefs and witness as much as possible. romans 12:9 “hate everything jehovah hates so you’re not a hypocrite” basically means hate other people the jws don’t approve of

corinthians 6:9 (nice but not so nice this time) “anyone we don’t like won’t inherit the earth” translation: anyone we don’t like won’t survive the apocalypse thats definitely happening soon so always be afraid. “homosexuals” are changed to “men kept for unnatural purposes for this one.” still homophobic.

corinthians 7:6, the idea that everyone has a gift that needs to be exploited and used by the jws

corinthians 15:33. “don’t participate in any activities with any outsiders because it will lead you away from jehovah!! fun is ‘drunkenness’, you’ll loose your resurrection if you do!! non jw people are bad influences!!”

2 corinthians 7:1. your body and flesh is defiled, you need to be cleansed in order to be good

galatians 5:20. “having human emotions is sinful! struggling is sinful! being angry is sinful! having a bad day is sinful!” basically that being human is inherently wrong or something

ephesians  3:14. tries to make people believe everything is owed to god only and that obedience is good so they fall for cult power structures later. 4:28 here is just the top of the page being labeled “new personality” and thats all we need to know about indoctrination and cult personality vs actual personality. also “let not the sun set with you in a provoked state” being used against people still angry about being wronged and hurt by others and its been used against me a lot of times

ephesians 6:4. make sure the jw fathers provide the most discipline to children, literally uses the phrase “mental regulating of jehovah”. it couldn’t be more cult like at this point.

timothy 5:8 makes people believe that men alone are expected to provide and if they don’t they’re worse than “those without faith”. no pressure though!

timothy 6:19. wants people to neglect everything actually happening in favor of the “real life” (”eternal life”) instead and to constantly prepare for that instead of actually living life. dedicate your whole life to jw activities

titus 2. women need to be subjects to their husbands but also homemakers, live to glorify their husband, chaste and definitely not mentally ill or showing any symptoms. what the fuck is titus i never heard of this shit until today.

hebrews 1:7-14, trying to convince people that angels live to serve god but also has some superseccsionist/replacement theology (antisemitism) vibes going on

james 2:23, wants people to believe that god “putting people to the test” is actually a way to become “jehovah’s friend” and that being put to the test (read: suffering) is actually a good thing because it primes them to accept suffering as their fault later on. james 4:7 “everything evil will vanish if you rebuke it long enough!!”

peter 3:9 the “god’s timing is always right” gospel bs and encourages people not to do things themselves but to wait and also that jehovah will be on time when its time to start another global genocide. how encouraging! peter 3:13, the same “end of world near” scare tactic, “new heavens new earth” promise to eradicate everyone the jws dont like as that is jehvoah’s “promise” to the witnesses

1 john 3:8, their version of the original sin doctrine, the devil is the source of all evil scare tactic etc

short detour: every instance of “servant” is replaced with “slave” in this version. it makes me feel ill.

revelations 7:16, wants people to believe that god will take away all their pain and that they won’t need food or water to survive anymore (bullshit). also the jehovah’s witness 144,000 chosen people bullshit is here too but not highlighted

revelations 12:7-13, a depiction fo michael drop kicking satan and the implication that satan has always been in charge and not god because they want people to believe that. also that the devil will fall to earth and try to eat jws

revalations 14-4: virgins get dibs on heaven and god i guess. i dont know what the fuck is going on. 14:6 an angel yelling fear god from above, probably where the jws get most of their apocalyptic imagery from that they use to scare children into believing they could die at any minute

so now that we finally got to the end of that mess, their version of revalations ends with jesus saying “yes, i am coming quickly” and “may the undeserved kindness of jesus christ be with the holy ones.”

joking aside, everything highlighted in this copy of this book has been used against me and my mother for years and is a huge part of the reason i have religious trauma now. everything she was told or encouraged to highlight aided jehovah’s witness indoctrination and propaganda, her own indoctrination and eventually mine which apparently started even earlier than i thought.

[schrijverr]

Hold Me Together

Chapter 4 out of 4

Eliot gets hurt on a job and then sick. Hardison and Parker waste no time to jump in to care for him and it becomes harder and harder to say no to their care when it’s just so nice. After he has a nightmare, they’re there for him and feelings come to light.

AKA Eliot has a terrible time physically (and partly emotionally), but gets lots of cuddles and two partners in the end

On AO3.

Ships: Thiefsome

Warnings: Nightmares, PTSD, accidentally threatening Hardison with a knife, eliot's low self-esteem (i promise it has a happy ending, he's just going through it TM) and flu

~~~~~~~~~~

Never Let Go

Eliot had let himself get too comfortable, he had let Parker and Hardison see too much. He had been weak and let his guard down, when he knew he couldn't afford to do that. They were still asleep next to him and he had to make sure they were done, that he was gone. He couldn't stay here. When had he gotten so stupid?

Oh, yeah, when his brain was sick and his defenses slightly lowered, which they had immediately used without even realizing because they knew him so well. Though, not much had been necessary with how easily he had folded to their care.

He would need to change that, he knew it would have been better to pull away before they got too close, but he had let himself forget.

How stupid.

In the past he had been beaten and broken, he had been built up only to be pulled apart again and he had survived it all, he just didn’t know if he would survive this as well. Hardison and Parker were different. They were his equals, they knew him but didn’t fear him, they cared for him like he was fragile instead of a blunt instrument to be pointed at an enemy.

It was strange to have that sort of relationship with anyone, he had forgotten what it was like to have friends in the time since he had left the military, though that couldn't compare to this. He had no good family to compare it to, but he imagined it would feel like this. Which was where the root of his troubles laid.

Because he was an idiot, who had broken his first rule and second rule: 1. Don’t do repeat jobs with teams, 2. Don’t get attached to people you work with. He had gotten swept up in doing good, changing the blood that stained his hands and in that, he had found himself deeply in love with two of his teammates, who were too good for him to go near and also together.

His life was a mess and he needed to get a grip. Easier said than done of course, but not impossible, though it would hurt. Not that he wasn’t used to the pain.

Still, when Hardison blinked awake and smiled when he saw Eliot also up, he couldn't help but think that this was going to be the worst pain he’d ever been in. Hardison rubbed his eye and said: “Hey, man, you’re awake before me. That’s weirdly old but new. How you feeling?”

“Better,” Eliot replied, glad his voice sounded just hoarse, but was completely present.

“You’re talking!” Hardison sounded genuinely excited about that and on Eliot’s other side Parker woke up, wondering out loud what the fuss was about. “Eliot’s talking,” Hardison reported happily and Eliot felt a bit like a painting on display as he waved at her with a “Morning.”

Parker’s face lit up and she wrapped her arms around him as she yelled: “Your voice! I missed it!” and yeah, this was going to hurt so much.

He awkwardly patted her on the back, careful to not pull her into a hug like he wanted too as he went: “Yeah, yeah, whatever, still feel like shit, but better. Don’t get too excited.”

“How much better do you mean, because we promised Sophie to keep an eye on you and she in turn will keep Nate off the job until you’re back up to strength,” Hardison said, “and your voice back isn’t you feeling amazing.”

“I’m fine.” God, he was really just going straight back to Eliot Spencer, team hitter and tough guy, even after all they’d seen. He knew they were thinking the same thing, because Hardison was raising his brow and gearing up to say something and Eliot always gave in when Hardison tried to convince him, so he had to be first. “Obviously I’m not fine-fine, but better, I think I can watch some games and stay awake fine. Ya happy? It’ll take me a day more to be up, about three to be able to go back out there.”

“Eliot is honest about his hurt with us,” Parker said excitedly. “Our plan is working!”

“Yeah, about that. What plan?” Eliot asked, faintly remembering them going on about a plan before and never getting the details.

“Our plan to teach you how to be taken care of. You have many skills and that isn’t one of them, but that’s okay I learned too,” she smiled.

“Wait what?” he asked, still confused, but Hardison just shrugged and Parker wasn’t answering any more questions, instead asking him if he felt good enough to make pancakes with chocolate chips, because she had missed them.

And he was feeling well enough to do that, he just had to sit on the kitchen stool that Hardison had gotten for him when he had broken his foot. It was to get them away from him, so that they would stop lying in the same bed as him, he told himself, it had nothing to do with Parker’s hopeful little face, of course not.

It turned out, he wasn’t as back on his feet as he had hoped and making breakfast had wiped him out, so he and a bunch of blankets had relocated to the couch and he tried not to feel too much like a burrito as he laid there watching back some of the games.

The good thing about lying on the couch was that Hardison was at his desk typing away instead of on his laptop next to him and Parker was dangling in the rafters instead of fidgeting near him. The distance was what he wanted. It was good.

He tried not to miss their closeness too much.

He also fell asleep somewhere between lunch – which was a sandwich that Hardison had made that had been surprisingly okay – and dinner.

When he blinked his eyes open slowly and found himself curled up on the couch, his head was practically in Parker’s lap as she ate popcorn. Too early for popcorn, came to his mind without his permission. The tv had been taken over by Hardison, who was entertaining Parker with blue prints from a museum somewhere. Hardison had been thoughtful enough to put on music in the background so that Eliot’s subconscious wouldn't have pegged anything as changing and woke him up.

God, these two were going to be the death of him. And he wouldn't have it any other way, they just didn’t need to find out. Ever.

Parker noticed he was awake, because she greeted him: “Hello there, sleepy head.”

“Don’t call me that,” he growled back as he got up, because that was easier than admitting to himself that he thought Parker adorable and wanted to bury his face against her thigh again.

“Why?” she asked innocently. “You’ve been sleeping a lot, way more than you ever do. And you get a funny face when you’ve just woken up.”

Eliot felt at his face frowning. “What face?”

“I don’t know, a face,” Parker shrugged. “Oehh, Hardison, is that a motion sensitive rotating laser grid?”

“Hell yeah,” Hardison smirked, zooming in on the model of the laser grid and pulling up the specs for her, while Eliot still tried to figure out what face Parker had meant. He hoped it wasn’t anything open or vulnerable, something that would give him away. Fuck, he needed to think about his face when he woke up now.

Hardison must have noticed him thinking, because he grinned: “That’s your worrying face. Don’t worry, Parker meant nothing back, ain’t that right, mama?” Parker nodded. “You just squint a little and look a bit grumpy, man. It’s cute.”

“I’m not-” Wait what, rewind and roll. Cute? Did Hardison just call him cute? Him? Cute? No, no, no, no, that- that was absurd, but Hardison confirmed it yet again: “Oh, sorry, is the great Eliot Spencer not cute? You look like a grizzly bear after his hibernation, okay. Live with yourself, it’s your face.”

And before he couldn't reply or process that, Parker gasped: “Like a teddy bear! Eliot is a teddy bear.”

“I’m not a- shut up!” he groused, trying not to smile. Only Parker could ever see him as a teddy bear, as something soft and to be cuddled instead of a killing machine, a weapon. Aaand there went his good mood. He had a mission. He couldn't take that innocence from her by letting her associate with him.

He got up from the couch, needing space between that soft comfort and himself right now. He blinked away the dizziness and gruffly said: “I’m going to make dinner.”

“Don’t forget the stool,” Hardison called after him and he rolled his eyes in return, trying not to feel touched and failing.

Dinner was quick and easy, because Eliot didn’t have the brain power for much more, which was a pity because he had intended to hide away in the kitchen. He still managed some time, but he was back on the couch with them quicker than expected and he hated himself for how he couldn't bring himself to mind that much.

Once dinner was done Parker got up to put away their plates, while Hardison pulled up a movie as he said: “We’ve been meaning to watch The Godfather, tonight as good as any.” Eliot gave him a look and raised a brow. “What?” Hardison asked defensively.

“The Godfather is a good movie, but it’s an old one,” he shrugged. “Old movies are slow and Parker will get bored no matter how good it is.” And why did he know this again?

“She has ropes here, she’ll be entertained enough if she can watch it upside down,” Hardison said, like it had happened often enough. “Right, mama?”

Parker clambered over the back of the couch and settled down besides Eliot as she grinned widely at him: “Right.”

“If you say so,” he shrugged, wondering why she had never climbed away when he was there. She usually annoyed him though, so maybe this was something she did to avoid annoying Hardison, because she didn’t want to create friction between them and it didn’t matter when that happened with Eliot, but since he was sick, she would let up? He didn’t want to let his mind linger and decided to just focus on the movie.

He had been correct that Parker would get bored quickly, she wriggled around a bit at first, then climbed over Eliot to sit in the middle.

Eliot tried not to let it hurt a bit and hated himself for that little pang anyway. Hardison was her boyfriend, he had no business feeling hurt that she wanted to sit next to him. So, he shuffled to the side and she seemed to settle down for a moment as played with Hardison’s hand.

It was harder to focus on the movie after that and he tried to keep his eyes on the screen and not watch how Parker’s little hands weaved easily between Hardison’s, how he was completely relaxed and this was apparently normal, tried not to focus on how much he wanted his own hand to be held.

Still, Parker soon grew bored with Hardison’s fingers and turned to him. “Can I braid your hair, Eliot?”

“Su- No.” Hehad to catch himself before he could give in, that was too intimate and something she did with Hardison, he was trying to create distance. She shouldn’t be asking him that.

She looked sad with his rejection and he almost caved, but managed to stay stubborn. He ignored the look he got from Hardison in the background as Parker back flipped of the couch and disappeared above them. He was watching a movie, this was normal. He was fine, it was all fine.

By the end of the movie he was also dropping off slightly, but he was oddly proud of staying awake through the entire thing, even if he was leaning heavily against the armrest and was trying to fight against his blinks.

Hardison appeared in front of him with an amused smile: “You need to go to bed, man.”

He let out a little discontent grumble, but got himself into a sitting position. He still felt heavy and lethargic, however, and he accepted Hardison’s hand when standing up. The walk to his bedroom was made with minimal support though, his ankle was getting much better and he knew how dangerous it was to lean against Hardison’s warm side.

So, mostly independently he got to bed and cocooned himself, trying not to feel too watched with Parker and Hardison in the room.

Once he was all settled in Parker jumped on the bed. He let out a tiny squeak and he would later deny that ever happened, but it was enough for Parker to giggle and poke him. He batted her hand away and frowned – frowned, not pouted – as he said: “Stop it, Parker.”

“Ahw, grumpy,” Parker teased, poking him again, before making herself comfortable on his bed.

He suddenly remembered that, oh yeah, they had been cuddling up to him for the last few nights and that had been really comfortable, but something he also really should be putting a stop to, because that was not friend behavior. He nudged Parker and said: “Hey, you have your own bed.”

Immediately her head poked up from under the blankets and she said: “But I like sleeping in your bed and you didn’t have a problem with it earlier.”

“He can have a problem with it now, mama,” Hardison told her, before turning to Eliot and asking with his eyes if there was something wrong.

And there was a lot wrong, but not what Hardison was looking for. What was wrong was the fact that Eliot wanted them near him, that he wanted them to cuddle up to him and see the parts he hid from the world, even if that would mean they wouldn't see him as invincible anymore, even if they wouldn’t want him to have their back anymore, because having them close soothed aches inside him he didn’t know he had.

That was also wrong, because he knew it was selfish to want that. To want them. They needed his protection and by god would he give to them, even if that meant keeping his distance, because what they had was good.

Good was hard to come by in this world.

Hardison and Parker were good, them together were good. Eliot was a destroyer, he didn’t fit into that good. He would only ruin it, so better to not belong to it and ruin what tried to hurt them, because that was what he was good at.

So, yeah a lot was wrong, but nothing he could tell them or solve. He could only push them away and hope they would see for themselves that he was no good for them without it hurting too much, which he knew was an idle hope.

He must have been silent too long and he didn’t know what to say anyway. He also had no clue what his eyes had looked like during that time, but Hardison said: “It’s okay if you don’t want us here, but we don’t mind. It’s nice to be able to know you’re okay, you had us worried these past few days.”

“I’m sorry,” he said, because he hadn’t meant to worry them. Mentally he kicked himself, he shouldn’t have slipped up so much, he should have fought the sickness more, he shouldn’t have allowed himself to be so weak. They shouldn’t have had to worry about him, worrying about the team was his job.

“Hey, hey, hey, I don’t know what you’re thinking right now, but that guilty look in your eyes is a no,” Hardison interrupted his thoughts. “You can’t help getting sick, man. This is the opposite of your fault, so don’t go around with those self-blaming baby blues.”

“I- uh- sorry?” he tried, because he didn’t know how else to make it right. Parker understood, luckily and she hugged him again. “It’s alright, Eliot. Forgiven.”

And it felt more like a relief than it should. It drained a bit of tension out of him and he yawned and blinked heavily as he was reminded of the sleep that had brought him here. And later he would blame his lack of control on the sickness still in his body that he burrowed his head into the crook of her shoulder instead of pushing her away, which they both took as a sign that it was okay to get comfortable in his bed for the night.

When they were all settled in, he was quickly fading off to his dreams, the last thought he had was that tomorrow, tomorrow he would start pushing them away again.

However, the night wasn’t as peaceful as he had hoped and the respite from his mind along with the unnatural amounts of rest he had gotten were finally catching up. The nightmare was new, but familiar, it was how he woke up that was different.

There were people around him, voices. They wanted something from him, he could hear it in their tone, someone was touching his shoulder. They wanted him.

He shot up and twisted his body, pinning whoever had touched him under him as he got a knife out of a hidden place near his pillow, pressing it to the intruder’s throat as he growled: “What do you want? Who send you?”

“Eliot?”

It was quiet. Eliot blinked and Hardison came into focus underneath him, wide eyes and trying not to move as he looked at Eliot, hoping to find recognition.

God, it was Hardison.

He was threatening Hardison.

Gentle and kind Hardison.

He was a monster.

Horrified he dropped the knife on the floor next to him, quickly scrambling back off the bed and into a corner of the room, trying to create as much space between him and Hardison as he could. He tried not to look, not to put himself in that moment where Hardison checked himself over, but he couldn't help but watch as the hacker gently rubbed his throat before assuring Parker that he was fine.

Fuck, he was assuring Parker he was fine, because Eliot had threatened him and there was a good possibility that he would not be fine after that.

He knew he should have fought more, should have protected them from himself. He knew, yet he had given in again.

Weak.

Pathetic.

Eliot Spencer was better than going soft. Eliot Spencer knew better than to keep others close. Eliot Spencer was dangerous and shouldn’t be trusted around fragile, pure things. He knew all that. He knew himself.

Yet he allowed himself to forget. He had allowed himself to forget that under Eliot was The Eliot Spencer. It had been easy to pretend his stained past wasn’t there when Parker poked his bruises with a grin or Hardison rambled on despite him threatening him, because both trusted him enough not to hurt them.

And he had broken that trust.

Not only had he broken that trust, but he could have hurt Hardison, could have killed him even. And for what? For a bit of comfort he shouldn’t even have been seeking with them? Because he was a little bit under the weather?

Because he loved them and was too selfish to leave.

He was a selfish man and he could have gotten Hardison hurt. He could have gotten Parker hurt too, they were just lucky he had snapped out of it as quickly as he had. He should know better than this, he was cutting it off right now, before this could get worse, before it went wrong. Like it had nearly gone.

He curled up more into the corner of the room where he had hidden. He was shivering, the chills still hadn’t left him yet, but it was less than he deserved anyway. He wanted to disappear from that corner, never face the other two again, but he also couldn't leave without facing their wrath, because they deserved to get a chance to be mad at him.

Their footsteps were gentle as they came closer, but he knew from experience that said nothing. He curled up a little closer into himself. If he were less of a coward, he would face their wrath head on, but he didn’t think he could recover from that, so he allowed himself a little shame and hid.

The footsteps stopped, but no one touched him. Of course not, he thought bitterly, why would they want to be anywhere near you?

“Hey, man, it’s okay,” Hardison said softly and Eliot wanted to laugh and cry at how not okay it all was. How could Hardison sit there and try to comfort him when he’d just threatened him with a fucking knife.

“I have a blanket,” Parker offered. “You’re shivering. You were just getting better, we can’t have you getting cold. I’ll put it on the ground here.”

And, fuck, he didn’t deserve that kindness and he wasn’t sure if the right move was rejecting her and not taking the blanket or pleasing her by taking it and with it comfort he didn’t deserve. In the end his need to punish himself won out and maybe if he rejected her, she would let him go like he deserved.

So, he stayed in the corner shivering, trying to find solace in the fact that both were still breathing even if this might be the last night he heard it.

Parker made a small hurt noise and Eliot didn’t need to look to know that she was giving Hardison those big questioning eyes she always had when she didn’t understand the actions of other people and, by god, if Eliot wasn’t going to miss that.

“Talk to us, Eliot,” Hardison said, voice too gentle for the entire situation. “We just wanna know what happened?”

“What happened is that I threatened you with a knife, Hardison,” Eliot gritted out, still not looking, but feeling the weight of what he’d done on his shoulders as he pushed his head between his knees, bowing it to the floor like Atlas.

“Yeah, I was there for that,” and only Hardison could have joked about that. “What I meant is why? What set you off.”

“…nightmare,” he admitted softly, hating how something so small and stupid has set him off.

“Wanna talk about it?” Parker asked. “I sometimes get nightmares and it feels better when I talk about them, though it took me a while before I was comfortable, so you don’t have-”

“Why?” Eliot cut her off, but he couldn't keep it in any longer with the way they were treating him.

“What do you-”

“Why are you being so nice to me?” Eliot cut off Hardison this time, but the words were coming out now and he couldn't stop them. “I just threatened you, Hardison. I could have accidentally killed you and you’re being so nice about it. I don’t get it. This- this isn’t how it’s supposed to go. It’s all wrong!”

He finally looked up to see both of them looking at him. They were taken aback, unsure, but most of all they were concerned and that was wrong. They should be mad at him.

Parker cocked her head sadly and said: “I don’t know what I’m doing wrong.”

And Eliot had always been weak for her and with a broken voice he explained: “You’re supposed to be mad at me. Why aren’t you yelling? Or kicking? I- I nearly hurt you. I’m a monster. You’re supposed to hate me. This is the part where you hate me and tell me to go. I just can’t understand why you’re being so nice to me, when I don’t deserve it. Never have.”

There were tears coming out of his eyes, finally unable to be stopped and he hated himself for being weak, for looking so pitiful when it was Parker and Hardison who should be crying, not him. He couldn’t see their faces through the tears, but he was certain they were disgusted with him now.

A large hand touched his shoulder and he flinched away slightly, bracing him for the hurt. The hand stilled and he looked up in confusion, tears still rolling down his cheeks, but good enough to see clearly again.

Hardison looked concerned and sympathetic and a bit hurt, but not as Eliot had expected. He didn’t look hurt for himself, but for Eliot and he had no clue what to do with that.

“Just hurt me,” he begged softly, trying to get the situation to a place he understood.

“I- I don’t want to hurt you, Eliot,” Hardison told him, agony in his voice. “I don’t. You woke up from a nightmare and had a trauma response, I’m not hurting you for that. Of course not. You would never hurt me.”

“How do you know that?” It was a provocation and Eliot should know better than to think that worked on Hardison when Hardison didn’t want to.

“Because I saw your eyes,” Hardison explained, still that mix of hurt and compassion that Eliot wanted to disappear in despite how much he hated it. “You didn’t recognize me, but the moment you did, you were horrified.”

“And what if I hadn’t recognized you?” Eliot voiced the fear that had been gnawing on him ever since he had woken up, the what-if that would haunt him forever. His voice was no longer confrontational, he couldn't. Not about this. Tonight he could have accidentally killed Hardison and nothing they said could change that.

“You would always recognize Hardison,” Parker spoke up, she had the blanket in her hands and was inching closer to him. She softy wrapped it around him and said: “There isn’t a world where you don’t know us.”

She said it like it was a fact, like that was a normal thing to tell a person. Heck, maybe for Parker it was normal, maybe she said that shit all the time, just not to him.

Of course not to him. He had nearly killed Hardison, he was a threat and not someone to be wrapped in a blanket and comforted – even if the blanket was nice, he had been so cold and this helped a bit. She shouldn’t be so certain of that.

“Knowing someone isn’t enough,” he gritted out, slightly bitter.

Parker pouted and frowned stubbornly, before trying something different: “Okay and what if it hadn’t been Hardison? What if it was someone send after you to kill you? What would you have done then, if such a person had woken you up? Even now, when you’re sick and injured. Would your reaction be to kill?”

And she was right that the instinct to murder anyone who woke him up despite their intentions had faded years ago that didn’t mean he would just fold. He had folded enough. Now to make that clear to her.

“…Parker,” he tried to find the words. “I nearly hurt him. I couldn't forgive myself if I ever did. I’m dangerous, you guys shouldn’t be here. You have each other, you’ll be fine. I can’t be putting you in danger like this.”

Hardison stepped in, because it was obvious in Parker’s frustratedface that she had a lot of things to say, but no way of saying them. They worked together like that. Well. Without Eliot.

“He, first off, is right here, so you can stop with that. Second, you’re not denying that Parker is right, so stop beating yourself up over it,” he began. “Third, I’m fine, you didn’t hurt me and you weren’t going to. End of conversation. Now, why the hell are you talking about this like you’re going to disappear on us? We want you here.”

Eliot remembered them arguing about being his nurses.How they had pushed him to say what he wanted, because needing something was different than wanting something. And he had known that. They wanted him here, despite it all. They wanted him.

The tears started up again and he couldn't help it.

“I’ll never leave you,” he chocked out around a silent sob.

“It’s okay,” Parker told him as she sat beside him and wrapped an arm around his shoulder. The action felt like something out of a book or movie, but it was still Parker like in her flat tone and he couldn't help but lean into her shoulder as he cried.

On his other side appeared Hardison, a warm presence that radiated comfort he didn’t deserve. He had tried so hard to show them that they should run, because he had discovered that he was in too deep to do so himself, but they were still stubbornly at his side.

So, he cried. He cried for them and their kindness that no one had taken. He cried for what he had managed to protect in them. He cried for how he’d hurt them. And finally he cried for himself. After all these years, he cried for Eliot Spencer. For the man he could have been and the one he had become.

There had been so many points in his life where he could have turned out differently. He could have not signed up for the military, he could have died, he could have stayed with Moreau, or never even said yes to him in the first place, he could have scoffed at the Dubenich job and walked, he could have stayed away after, not signing up for another job.

But he didn’t think there was a way he could have not loved the two idiots sitting next to him on the floor in the middle of the night after he had woken up from a nightmare and threatened one of them with a knife.

Maybe Parker was right, maybe there wasn’t a world where he didn’t know them. He wanted to believe in that. He wanted that. God, he wanted that so bad.

He grabbed their hands and checked their pulses, remembering the nightmare that had caused all of this in the first place and sighed with relief when he found them beating steadily. He had known already, of course, but feeling it was better.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Hardison asked softly. And normally the answer would be no, Eliot didn’t do well with talking about it, he put it in a box and pushed it down, but talking about it with them seemed different. Better.

“I- I was running through the woods,” Eliot said. “Siberia. There were people running behind me. I didn’t know who, but I knew I had to get out. There was a building. A shed. Not optimal, but a good spot to fight back or hide, better than the cold forest anyway.”

He took a deep breath. He had forgotten how hard it was to share and his voice was raw from the sickness and the crying.

“Then you were there,” he admitted. “I had given you a head start and held whoever was chasing me off long enough and you had hid, but I had led them right to you. I hadn’t even known you were there until I found you, like you hadn’t existed before that moment, but suddenly you were there and I- I couldn't turn back-”

A chocked off gasp escaped his mouth and the tears started up again in full force as he said: “They killed you. They killed you and I did nothing.”

The arms around him tightened and a hand found itself in his hair, that was really a weakness he should be working on, but it was nicer to just let it relax him now.

“We’re safe,” Hardison whispered. “We’re safe and okay. You protected us. All these years you made sure we were okay and we are. You did good, Eliot. Relax. We’re safe. You saved us. We’re okay, you’re okay.”

Eliot let himself float on those words, the reassurances and the praise. He hadn’t earned it, but he was going to cling to it while he had it. Fuck, he was in way too deep. He should be running right now, he should be far away before he got too attached.

“Please don’t leave me.”

And it was too late. He knew that, but he had never admitted it out loud, but now he had in the most pathetic way possible after he had done everything to make sure he didn’t deserve it. He had gotten between them when he was injured, then when he was sick, he had attacked Hardison and rejected Parker’s blanket offer and then he had cried and made them comfort him. And then he’d said that. He’d be lucky if they only kicked him out.

“Never,” Hardison promised much to his surprise and Parker assured him again that Hardison always kept that promise.

“Come back to bed with us?” Hardison asked. “You don’t have to sleep if you don’t want to, but you’re still sick and cold and you just had a traumatic experience. You shouldn’t be sitting on the floor, promise we can still cuddle.”

“You also had a traumatic experience,” Eliot pointed out fruitlessly. “And I don’t think you should be offering to cuddle me in front of your girlfriend.”

“Don’t be silly,” Parker piped up. “I can be your girlfriend too, then it’ll be okay. You can also be Hardison’s boyfriend if you want to.”

“Parker, maybe not now. This is a later conversation,” Hardison said, but Eliot could hardly hear him over the rushing in his ears.

She- Parker- Could she do that? Well, she was Parker and could do anything, but still… unless he was gravely mistaken, she had just asked him to be her boyfriend and Hardison’s boyfriend and all he ever wanted but knew he could never have. And that was okay, he could live with that. But now there it was.

Like tonight hadn’t happened.

It also sounded like Hardison had known about it, that they had talked about it. Suddenly the comments about his ‘baby blues’ and their closeness made more sense, how they had gotten closer and closer until Eliot could never run away. He just didn’t understand why.

They were perfect and good and he was naturally drawn to them, because they were everything and he was nothing. He was nothing and still they wanted him. It just didn’t make sense. He was broken and wrong and bad. They should be backing off as fast as they could, not running towards him with open arms.

“I only ruin things,” he offered, because it was true and he had to be sure they knew that before he would even consider accepting the offer.

“Bullshit!”

“You don’t ruin food, or jobs and you give great hugs and know feelings and stuff,” Parker protested. “You never ruin things.”

“But-”

“No buts, Eliot,” Hardison had pushed away the fury that had appeared when Eliot had talked. “Unless you tell us right now that this is not something you want, we’re getting into that bed and cuddling you to death. Talking we can do tomorrow, but I’m not letting you walk around thinking you only ruin stuff, because you don’t. You help people. You save them. You save us. You’re our Eliot and don’t think we’ll ever let go.”

“That would be nice,” Eliot said quietly, because he had gone soft for these people and he couldn't deny them anything. And maybe he didn’t believe them yet, but they were promising forever and maybe during forever he could.

Their smiles were blinding and there was a strange sense of pride that he had caused those smiles as they carted him back to bed.

This time there was no blanket barrier between them, instead Hardison cuddled up behind him and pulled him into his chest until Eliot’s back was fully pressed against the hacker, while Parker wiggled into his arms, resting her head on his chest as she tangled all their legs together.

It was comfortable and warm and Eliot had never felt more safe in his life. He couldn't sleep yet, not after all that had happened, but he could lie there and be content and that was more than enough for him.

~~

A/N:

This fic was gonna be a one-shot I hope y’all realize that. I wanted him to confess all the way back in the hotel, but then the road trip yearning vibes caught me and I was like ‘wait a minute… I can work with this’ and now we’re here. Fics get out of hand, shit happens.

Ok, idk if any of you read The Teddy BearJob by Kerkerian, but Parker comparing Eliot to a teddy bear owns my heart and soul, bless u. I just had to throw it in there <3

Eliot:Oh, no I’m a threatening monster who should be punished, they must be so scared of me :((((

Also Eliot:*is curled up like a sad little meow meow in the corner of the room, shivering*

Maybe this is me projecting my own issues around crying, but I really love making tough characters break down in tears bc they just can’t take it anymore. Guilty pleasure, if you will. There’s just something cathartic about seeing someone break and being held together despite it all.

[thenamesblurrito]

ask dump the fourth

what can i say, i guess i get a lot of asks!! thanks for the attention, have some miscellaneous info

answered asks are collide from this ask meme, tm waspy dude’s Sky Striker, how much a mech can eat, tar taffy, Springload, Springer the secret John Deere tractor, dandelions, Soundwave, and nonhumanoid root modes

@confusedcriminal this has been in my inbox forever and i forgot about it halfway thru compiling an answer oops! but inspiration for SNAP taken from outside of transformers canon would, most obviously, be the entirely of magical girl anime. i legit scrolled through TVTropes for a long time doing research on stereotypical episodes, character types, etc just so i could really capture the aesthetic. i’m not basing it on any anime in particular, although the classic Sailor Moon and PMMM and even some Pretty Cure had a lot of good tropes for me to steal.

another one is sort of the nature of ~political discourse i see between kids online these days. SNAP revolves around four groups of kids working to better the world but violently disagreeing on how that should be done. it’s not an inspiration i started out with (especially because i avoid all sorts of the disk horse like the plague) but it became an apt comparison as i kept working on the story.

a solid character! it sounds like Sky Raider is a lot like Sky Striker with the addition of some confidence and security

(the post this is referring to)

it sort of depends on the person’s size, how worn/physically tired they are, and what materials their self repair is drawing from. a mech with a lot of dings and scrapes will have their self repair systems working harder and thus “run out” of what they’ve eaten quicker, whereas someone in perfect health who isn’t moving that much will only need general minor upkeep. as for how much they can eat at once, the fuel tanks and material stockpiles someone has will vary by their size and frame. a seeker, for instance, has large fuel reserves for their large energy demands because it’s stored in their wings, like real planes! their material stockpiles are smaller though because flightframes carrying around more weight in the form of eaten food is sort of counterintuitive. the average grounder and toolformer will have proportionally larger material stockpiles, flightframes and spacers and aquatics will have proportionally smaller, and beastformers will have somewhere in between, usually erring larger. eating too much for any one of them will result in lethargy and nausea, loss of appetite for a good while, perhaps physical pain from overstressed tanks, and if necessary purging/spitting up food. doing this over and over can damage their internal forges and repair systems, and lead to self repair tacking excess materials onto places that really don’t need them, like the flash of overmolded stuff, which can cause lumps, compromised welds, and even shrapnel knocking around in the internals. they don’t really have the equivalent of fat storage like organics, at best they get thick and malformed armor.

all that said, to answer your question! yes they could eat more to go longer between meals, as long as they don’t push it and eat more than they’re physically capable of holding. also, it’s pretty normal to get physical materials within liquid fuel. silted energon mentioned in the above link and “protein shakes” are a quick and easy way to get all their “food groups” in one form, and some mecha live exclusively off of these

lol that’s a great name already ghfofhjdfgs nice and simple, i can use that

oh this is really really good! backstory and everything! also gotta love a good FMAB reference *chefs kiss* i don’t know if i have a place for Springload in my current plotline, but this would fit perfectly as one of the accidental alternate timelines that Skywarp sometimes falls into, so i’m gonna tuck this in my back pocket for later. i am however hesitant to use Aboriginal culture as i am definitely not Aboriginal nor even Australian and don’t want to disrespect them. at the very least i’d have to ask some Aboriginal people, but i really don’t think it’s my place to use anything from the Dreamtime, especially without explicit permission

@oldboyjensenhinglemeier​ it took me so long to answer this because it’s so beautiful i wanted to save it forever. also no he’s not a tractor sadly but you’re right about the colors. the obvious solution is to make him a tractor in your own canon! (also what i’m hearing is Sputter’s new nickname for Springer is John Deere)

!!!! i never got part 1 to this but i already love this so much??? giant dandelions yes please. this is so good. sky weeds

yes he can, among a lot of other befuddling supersenses! the Lenses manifest mostly as augmented sight, which is already confusing enough to handle, but his powerset is more expansive. on his character sheet i describe it as “perception so acute he can predict what an opponent will do next”, and that bleeds into hearing as well, even hearing thoughts. he has a lot of work to do to figure out how to operate without a migraine, made more difficult by the way Rumble and Frenzy just refuse to cooperate

as for swimming aids, i think soundwave is one of the ones who can swim safely? i think? i talk about swimming in this dump here. most of the heroes can. his tentacles probably would make some decent swimming aids actually, although it’s unlikely to come up because there aren’t exactly many places to swim on Cybertron

(the post this is referring to)

something like that ;)

there’s an in-universe answer and an out-of-universe answer, and the out-of-universe answer is that i wanted to keep a set style and visual language for each character design to lend a thread of coherency between all of them, so i made the difficult decision to sacrifice nonhumanoid root modes

[transsexualhamlet]

so about norman’s ethics

The thing that a lot of people don’t understand about Norman is that he doesn’t believe in the like, political sentiments that he acts on in the slightest. Yeah, this doesn’t make it ok that he did a bunch of shitty stuff, but it’s a misconception to say norman like, genuinely believes fucking eugenics are a good thing.

And yet, he decides to act on the idea to degenerate and genocide the demons and seems not to understand why Emma wouldn’t agree with him. People’s explanations of this seem to be pretty much one of two minds, either:

His morals are corrupt: Norman wants all the demons dead because what they did makes him think they’re all bad and don’t deserve the respect humans get, which is understandable but still wrong, or

His morals are intact but he ignores them: Norman feels bad that he’s doing a bad thing and does it anyway because he can’t find a better way out, which honestly makes what he did worse, though Tragic.

The second one is more accurate, but still doesn’t completely explain his ideas.The truth is that, in my opinion, he just barely understands the concept of morals in general, and what’s ‘messed up’ is simply his priorities. That sounds like I’m saying he’s a twisted cycle path but I swear I’m not, it’s just like him having low empathy. This is another, autism thing, and it’s another thing that I have, so I’ll try to explain it as best as I can?

Personally, I understand and try to follow sociatal expectations for moral things like, you know, do not kill people and what not. Because it’s bad or... whatever. And although I can cognitively understand the reasons why people think so, I don’t value it in the same way. Obviously I wouldn’t kill a person, there’s no need for me to in a world like this, and it would be inconvenient and probably make me feel bad despite not understanding why it is bad. But I’ve known from a very young age if I had the power and reason to kill someone, I absolutely would, no questions asked. Not even the necessity, just a logical reason. Most of the time this means nothing and isn’t applicable in the real world, because most of the people around me would be negatively affected by it. But it means nothing to me personally, and if prompted I could change at the slightest reason.

This is what I think we’re dealing with in Norman’s situation. 

Norman, in grace field, has no reason to violate any intagible laws of right and wrong, in most cases, until the escape arc happens. Yeah, I do believe Norman probably lied significantly more than the average child, because he didn’t see any reason not to, but I doubt it hurt anyone bad, they lived in, well, basically a neverland. He’s just a slightly off white little man. But when he is faced with a risky and dangerous situation, he might look Correct on the outside but the closer you look the more you realize his actions are directly impacted by the situation around him, completely independent of any internal moral compass. 

Ray wants to only escape with those three, because although he feels extreme guilt for being the way he is and completely understands it’s a selfish and terrible thing to do, he’s too cynical to accept any other options. Norman initially agrees with him, because Ray explains the risks. Emma then insinuates she wants to bring the other kids, giving ideas as to how. Norman then switches to Emma’s plan because he believes it can be achieved and he wants Emma to be happy, not because it would be wrong to do otherwise. At the same time, he later ships himself out, without much consideration to the others’ wishes against it, because now that it’s gotten impossible to have both, Emma’s and Ray’s safety is more important now than their happiness. Though he can understand that they’d not like that, it’s not that important to him in the long run. He will choose the path that offers them the greatest chance, if the one his friends want isn’t good enough.

When he was shipped out and taken to lambda, what happened is he was put in a situation where the stakes become much higher. There’s a different kind of situation, and the idea of simply running away from the demons is obviously not an option. When he escapes, and basically adopts the lambda kids- now he’s surrounded by people with the opposite morals and ideas as Emma. These kids want revenge, they would be happy to kill the demons, their ideal situation involves that and trying to reach any compromise would be unsatisfactory. The overwhelming majority of the kids agree with killing the demons, and that idea makes him seem stronger and gives him more certainty and control over the situation, even if it’s difficult and hurts him personally, making him a “Bad Person” to Emma. 

Norman harbors no personal hatred towards the demons, nor any specific desire to kill them. He just doesn’t see any viable reason not to, and killing them provides both him and the people he cares about with a more beneficial situation. Emma is now the minority, and even though she provides an idea that could work, Norman, after seeing so much pain and suffering, is no longer willing to take the risk for her, like he was in grace field. He is incapable of understanding why she values a sense of right and wrong more than the actual statistics of how well one or the other could work- yes, they had different experiences, but she lost other people because she decided to take risks, and she still believes in it? It simply doesn’t fucking compute.

An important aspect to consider is that it still does make him feel bad not to follow a more traditionally accepted route. He might have low empathy but he’s not an emotionless robot. Not understanding morals doesn’t mean he doesn’t have a concience, though it’s much more ambiguous and generally equates to any other thing, such as the actual convenience, details, or certainty of a plan. It’s not of any more importance, and he is in a situation now where it’s inconvenient to pay attention to, more so than in grace field. So not following a Nicer route does take a toll on his Feelings TM, same as it takes a toll on his literal body, but that’s a sacrifice he’s fine with, it’s a sacrifice that’s significantly smaller than the chance that someone he cares for could die.

Generally, most Lukewarm Takes on Norman can be disproven with this idea (pretty much anything that insinuates he would see the demons as less or like, he’s doing it because they did awful things to him, understandable but hey this isn’t tokyo ghoul and he’s not that kind of character), though everyone is obviously free to have their own takes and I doubt Shirai took his autistic coding into consideration, so it’s obviously my own idea.

Although Norman’s actions have correlation with Ray’s before, Norman isn’t disregarding his physical needs and trying to sacrifice himself out of any idea that it would make up for what he did, he’s doing it because it gives him more control over his own situation, he values his own well being less than his family’s, and he doesn’t understand why it would be Bad to do so. If we’re really digging deep, it’s likely he doesn’t want to have to experience any real consequences for his actions. He understands that they’re Bad, but this isn’t important to him, more than anything else. He doesn’t want to see Emma’s disappointment because it would complicate things.

After Emma and Ray, well, complicate things, ie face him and force him to see there are real consequences to his actions past Ambiguous Moral Obligations (ex. “you’re Taking Advantage the lambda kids” means nothing until he sees that it’s stopped them from being able to grow as people and forgive, “you’re neglecting yourself” means nothing until there’s an idea brought up that could fix him, “you’re trying to kill so many fucking people” means nothing until he sees that it’s hurting the human kids.) and that there’s a valid flaw in his personality past that- that it’s not a strong but a cowardly move, he can move forward and attempt to change things, possibly give himself a fucking break. 

In that situation, with other solutions that Emma and Ray have opened up actually seeming to work, he no longer finds it necessary to Be Terrible and hurt himself. This makes him feel better, because he doesn’t want to be Incorrect, it’s just a difficult thing for him to understand, when most other things come to him naturally. I think in the future he can be more cognizant of the fact that he’s more suceptible to doing generally, unacceptable things, and vows to lean more on Emma and Ray so he doesn’t end up going down the wrong path again, because to him they all look the same color.

Yes, this is my long ass way of telling Shirai why the fuck did you let Norman be a CEO. That’s a terrible fucking idea, he’ll become capitalism, guys?! Don’t let him do that. He needs to be in a job where like, he can use his skills without having to make Ethical Decisions like... an engineer or something. Computer scientist. IDK. Just not a fucking CEO, not in a management position for anything.

Honestly, it’s difficult for me to even use the alignment chart because I don’t understand morals enoughto put anyone in the Evil category because the idea of ‘evil’ doesn’t exist for me. So yeah, I’m projecting, but in conclusion I just have a bone to pick with anyone who wouldn’t call norman lawful neutral. 

[crossdressingdeath]

I honestly do not want to hear any white people or really any Americans tm talk shit about the novel and then be like, without a shred of irony "I don't wanna see gay people kiss!! Where are my lavender marriage fics!!" Homophobic ass people

Anon, you should know that because of this ask @arsenicandfinelace made me look at a bunch of MDZS lavender marriage stuff, including people arguing that the actual homophobe who murdered his crush’s entire family would be a great choice for a lavender marriage, so thank you for that.

Anyway. They what now. For one thing, that shows a blatant misunderstanding of why lavender marriages exist. They’re a thing in places where gay people can’t get married! LWJ and WWX can, hence they have no need of a lavender marriage. I mean, I’d read a good AU fic about WWX and WQ getting married for tax benefits or whatever set in a time period where gay couples couldn’t marry, but in canon (or a modern fic set in a place where gay marriage is legal) they... would not do that. It wouldn’t be necessary. Also like. please tell me that you’re exaggerating when you say they say they don’t want to see gay people kiss. I honestly don’t even care if it’s not true, just tell me you’re exaggerating, because what the actual fuck. Forget white people, no one should be saying that!

[subjecta5newtella]

okay here’s another one: thoughts on teresa in the books vs the movies

oooh ok. first of all I’m answering these out of order because I’m still working on the other one. second of all this is interesting because they’re... very different? movie teresa is a more compelling character with a better arc, but I do have a fondness for book teresa, even in spite of the fact that she was written by a man with no idea how to write female characters. the things I like about each version of the character basically do not overlap, which I only realized now but is fascinating to think about. gonna slap this under a read more 4 fun and games

like, okay. if we’re gonna talk about book!teresa, just to get it out of the way, everything about her being jealous about brenda even, like, standing too close to thomas was bullshit. that’s literally just “I don’t know how girls act.” but moving on from that, a thing I like about book teresa that really stood out when I reread is that she refuses to downplay herself or be apologetic when it’s not necessary. i can see how it would come off as Strong Female Character™️ to people, I totally understand that, but I genuinely like the fact that from basically the time she arrives she’s like lmao guess what im smarter than you and you should listen to me. tbh I think movie teresa could’ve benefited from that willingness to say “fuck you, i know more about this than you do” because when it comes to the cure she absolutely does. again, the strong female character tm interpretation is probably valid, but I genuinely like that she won’t diminish herself to make other people, especially the male characters, feel more comfortable.

however, when it comes to interpretations I don’t really get, it’s odd to me that some people hate her for the betrayer arc in the book tbh. like... to me it’s very clear she doesn’t think she has a choice. wicked has already been mind controlling her and forcing her to do things so she knows the extent of their reach, and she has no reason to believe they Won’t kill thomas if she doesn’t do what they say, so of course she does it. maybe she could’ve hurt him less, but they told her it needed to be convincing, so it was better to have him injured and hating her but alive. it feels a little contrived how little of it is truly up to her, sure, giving her a lot less agency than i prefer for characters to have, but it makes it even more surprising to me that people just Hate Her for it. I also think at one point in tdc there’s a moment where she’s basically like “look I did what I thought I needed to do to keep you alive and I’ve apologized for that and I’m not going to keep doing it” which again plays into that aspect I talked about earlier that I really like.

movie teresa does have significantly more agency imo, which to me felt like an excellent change. she gets to make choices (influenced by wckd, sure, but no one makes choices in a vacuum), and she gets to have a distinct ideology that I think is sympathetic even if you don’t agree with it. like, do I love that wckd’s methodology involved torture and dead kids? no. but I don’t think she did either. she saw them as her best chance at success where working on a cure was concerned, with resources and access no one else was going to have, and she took it because she wanted to save as many people as she could. she clearly genuinely cares about her friends and it pains her to hurt them, but she’s made a choice as to what she thinks will be the greatest good. we see it from thomas’ perspective, of course it’s going to look bad, but I genuinely think it’s an understandable choice even if I hate some of the specific things she did. I think that with this more fleshed out ideology and her ability to make choices, she’s absolutely one of the characters who benefited the most from the adaptation, if not The one.

long story short, I think they’re almost entirely different people, and I think there are aspects of each version that would improve the other, which is interesting to me. I prefer the movie version as a character, but book teresa does have some traits I really like despite the Man Writing™️

[that-banana-headed-bovine]

Headcanons for Michael, please?

hMMMM- Gonna be honest, I haven’t given neaaar enough consideration to Michael ASHODAOISHD, I will do my best with this-

By the way, a lot of these headcanons were made in collaboration with friends so like, these are by no means Bovine Originals TM-  I’m gonna tag som people but if someone gets tagged who did not wa n t to be tagged I will take it out and I am sowwy if this happens

What I think realistically:

  In between episodes, missions still go on (this has been confirmed by canon at least once I think?), but the missions are a whole lot more casual.  A lot of times, it’s more like a glorified road trip than an actual mission, and this is where Peak Bonding Time with Michael and Kitt happens.  As long as Michael’s not spending the whole time playing Atari, anyway... They wind up playing a lot of games that Kitt rigs with Hax (c’mon now that can’t not be how he swept the floor with Michael at blackjack of all things) which Michael somehow doesn’t catch on to, and they end up at a looot of drive-thrus, much to Kitt’s chagrin. 

What I think is hilarious:

  Pretty much all of these were made with @trust-doesnt-oxidize, we stan they-

  Michael really, really loves his burgers okay?  Like, so much.  Like SO much that if he doesn’t think he’ll be able to go to a drive-thru for a while, he’ll just.  Store one in the glove compartment.  Kitt hates this SO BADLY-  Michael will willingly eat week old food from his glove compartment and it reaches a point where Kitt has to stop him for sanitary reasons.  Perhaps Bonnie occasionally finds one of these highly expired treasures during repairs and loses her mind.

  But also our mans is a human garbage disposal, so he’ll eat anything you put in front of him.  He is very not picky, but if he has an option he will choose That Option.

  Also Michael continually forgetting that Kitt has access to his own programming and betting him to beat his high score on Atari games,,,

  Michael continually losing said bets.

What is heart-crushing and awful but fun to inflict on friends:

  Honestly I don’t think I can ever beat the novelization’s tragic backstory, seriously I refuse to believe that what the heck-

  I was talking with @solarcitymelodies and they mentioned Michael being emotionally repressed as a product of the time (and likely his history in the military), which is why he has a very difficult time being emotionally vulnerable.  He plays off everything as a joke, and what he can’t do that for, he likes to project (think “Trust Doesn’t Rust,” where he repeatedly just Told Kitt yOu FeEl NeRvOuS tOo RoIt?! and Kitt’s like ???no??? and Michael’s like uwu I totally get you buddy it’s okay to be scared and Kitt’s like Literally What-).  That one def hurts, and I think it’s real accurate.  Our mans doesn’t think he can be emotionally vulnerable because he’s gotta be Strong Tough Boi and like Michael stop nobody takes you seriously anyway <3

  Another one that I love to toy around with is just,,, Michael seems very confused about what the heck Kitt i s.  Like, sometimes he treats Kitt like a robot who just happens to talk, sometimes he treats him like a friend, sometimes he acknowledges Kitt’s feelings, sometimes he doesn’t-- It’s likely a product of inconsistent writing from different teams since Michael’s character was actually progressing quite naturally throughout Season 2 until Season 3 decided to destroy our hopes and dreams. Sniffles.  But like, I feel like he wants Kitt to be a person and a friend, but until he can get himself to really believe it, he can’t really,,, act on it I guess?  It seems like he’s catching on by Season 2, but, once again, Season 3 is evil and hates me.  I like to think that, once the series ended, at sooome point, he’d come to a more confident realization about Kitt, and it’s then that he’d realize Kitt’s own insecurities as a result of being confused about what he himself is based on how others treated him.  And he’d feel at least somewhat responsible for that, so yeah.

What would never work with canon but canon is Stinky Poopoo so I believe it anyway:

  Michael realizes that smacking the dashboard as hard as humanly possible is actually abuse, and he stops doing that.

Haha jk that’s too crazy even for this.

  This one’s the hardest for me because Michael is such a spazz that nothing feels too OOC for him, so this is more going to be an explanation for why something I love to think, and I think most of the fandom loves to think,,, can’t be canon.  I’m sorry.

  Whether it’s after the events of Knight Rider or Knight Rider 2000 *gAGS*, Michael eventually has to permanently retire from FLAG because, y’know.  Aging exists.  And I would love to think that Michael is able to take Kitt with him to live this very calm and “normal” stretch of life, where their friendship can grow and they can be buds.

The issue is idk if this can ha pp e n .

  And no, I don’t mean because Shawn happened in KR2000, I literally give zero hoots about what that movie wanted us to think.  The only thing I take from that movie is Kitt’s temporary deactivation for finance reasons, but anyway...

  I just feel like FLAG couldn’t afford to DO that.  I mean, it was actually pretty clever that the events of KR2000 were kicked off by FLAG running out of funds because, really, that was going to happen eventually.  In the original series, it seems like Wilton left behind an infinite supply of money based on what Michael is able to do and whatnot, but unless Wilton was the richest man in existence ever, that’s not the case.  Devon still has to host fundraisers for charity reasons, and it’s still highly discouraged that Michael causes as much property damage as he does on a regular basis, because that all comes out of the Foundation’s wallet.  Eventually, that’s going to run out if donations don’t match what Wilton had.  And while repairing a building costs a lot of money, something costs a lot more money than that, and that is the vehicle itself.  I can’t tell whether more money went into the microchips or the cars themselves, all I know is that they cost a LOT of money, like I want to say Kitt was 16 million?  Karr was even more expensive at 20-something million I- I don’t know my lore well enough okAyyyyy- It was a bad enough blow to lose Karr, but FLAG viewed that as a necessary loss which it wasn’t imo but AnYwaY.  Kitt is currently programmed to Michael, but I feel like that would be easy enough to change.  It wouldn’t erase his emotional bond to Michael since I think most of that was Kitt’s own feelings over his programming, but it would allow FLAG to utilize their investment for even longer.

  I could see the show taking the happy ending where they’re able to continue to exist together, and any stories of mine will definitely take the happy ending, but it’s not actually very realistic with canon.  Maybe, if Kitt’s programming became outdated or the Knight 2000 was too expensive to keep in good repair, then it could happen?  Idk, lemme know what you think about this one!

[akimmito]

Heroes are made by the path they choose

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Master List

Chapter 19

Damian is not happy. Everyone has introduced themselves and it only remains for the two intruders to do so as well, he hopes they refuse to be part of this, but from Drake's enthusiasm, clearly his wishes will not be heard and the two vigilantes will be part of the MT in some way or other.

"Well, it seems serious..." Nightwing hesitates for a moment, but does it anyway, it's the first time that he gives his identity in this way, remembering that they don’t just give their identities, but the MT has trusted them and it seems that their Working method differs a lot from Batman's. "I'm Richard Grayson, you can call me Dick."

"Yeah, we're not doing that." Alix responds with an amused smile.

"So you're Tim, right?" Marinette asks Robin, who nods and removes his mask. "This will be easier then."

"Was the suit delay related to the MT?"

"Something like that." She answers vaguely, but it's Alix who breaks the mysterious air of the matter.

"Stealing museums is not something that is directly related to our vigilante jobs."

Dick looks in surprise between the pink haired girl and the bluenette, who just sighs. He's no stranger to robbery when necessary, just that they admit it so casually is disconcerting. Tim on the other hand, he knows that he will not be very comfortable with the information.

"Do you rob museums?" Tim asks a bit dubious, that's not something he would have expected considering his participation in similar cases taking down robberies and other similar crimes, he didn't think they would commit them.

"Oh yes, my next dream is to rob a Russian museum." Felix responds wryly, but takes his next sentence more seriously. "It's not something we do for pleasure. First we will explain what MT is and then you will understand better why we rob a museum… It will give me a headache."

"Security was dire for supposedly keeping such valuable objects." Damian scoffs, leaning back in his chair, not looking at his brothers. "I would have done a better job while I sleep."

Dick just looks at the boy curiously, did they take him with them? Surely he goes to school, right? Although it not was school day when they first met him and he was at the farmhouse, he's probably homeschooled alongside his monstrous dogs, you can still feel his paws on his face. He doesn't really know what to think of such a brilliant woman being a vigilante, although perhaps he's taking too much reference from Bruce and Oliver who are the complete opposite, he's not exactly a good reference himself either even though he's less grim than the original Batman.

Marie Lenoir and, in general, the majority in that room seem to her very healthy emotionally speaking or, at least, not constipated like him and all his brothers.

"We'll explain it in detail later. Chloe, can you start?

"Sure, Lenoir." She smiles as she calls her last name in her common haughty tone, which has become a way of joking between them. "For the public, the MT is the name of the vigilante organization and which is not related in any way to the heroes, which is not true. The MT is originally the group of heroes… turned into vigilantes to be able to investigate the whereabouts of the butterfly without raising suspicions."

"We haven't done very well, he's a slippery shit." Alix complains getting a little hit from Nathaniel.

"There are kids."

"I've heard worse things, Kurtzberg." Damian dismisses his concerns dismissively. Marinette just gives him a worried look, it's seen that he is holding back from saying something more offensive, he seems about to attack everyone and is worrying. He's been acting very defensive for a few days now.

"Stop saying my last name as if it were an insult."

"Then stop being an idiot, Kurtzberg."

Luka sighs, he's normally a very patient and understanding person, but everyone is a little nervous, easily excitable, they haven't been that nervous since God Shit and Not in Hell joined the team, due to the fact that one is a demon and the other a stranger to most except Marinette (and Felix apparently).

"Returning." Kagami is not willing to put up with everyone's way of acting, but she won't scold them either, surely Felix will have words with everyone and Marinette will take care of Damian. "We are the heroes, we all have magical knowledge and the MT is an organization destined to protect the Miraculous, the magical jewels that give us our powers. Our main mission is to recover the butterfly and watch over the other jewels, whether we have them in our possession or not. The museum robbery was the recovery of the Giraffe's Miraculous."

"Wow, what a good summary," Marc comments by how concise it was, his good humor is not overshadowed by the tension in the room.

"Mari-hime is the Great Guardian, the leader of the entire organization and the most important member of the TM. She is the only one who knows all the spells, potions and cares for jewels and Kwami."

“We don't all have an affinity for being full guardians, especially since we're too old to complete some parts of the training. We may not approve of the ways they did it back in the day, but it takes young spirits to mold compatibility with Guardian magic. Melody completed a large part of her training at the age of fourteen and later continued it with all the knowledge of the temple together with the assistance of some Kwami."

"So you're the heroes too? And they do double duty to keep the city safe… They've been fighting since they were fourteen… ”Marc interrupts Tim from his little review

"Marinette has been doing it since she was thirteen."

"You started alone, right?" Dick asks, he wants confirmation that she didn't have a mentor, but still can't imagine what it must have been like for her to be thrown into danger like that.

"Chat was there, but it was just us. It wasn't until sometime after that I met the Guardian, but it wasn't a guide as such… ”She says thoughtfully, remembering her beginnings as Ladybug. She didn't do her part either, she had settled into just fighting with the Akuma and hoping for some miracle that could reveal Hawkmoth's identity, along with many other things she regrets.

"It's still a great feat, I couldn't have." Tim admits, since he decided to become Robin only because he saw the need to be one to help Batman, otherwise it was not a battle worth fighting. "So what are the Miraculous?"

"Magic jewels connected to quasi-divine entities, they embody abstract concepts such as creation, destruction, emotions, etc. They are called Kwami, unfortunately the connection with the jewel makes them slaves of whoever owns it and it cannot be avoided that their powers are used for evil purposes if they fall into the wrong hands. "Marinette explains in the simplest way she can.” I have been investigating, but there is nothing in the Order's records of any way around control over the Kwami."

"And destroy the jewel?" Dick questions, it's something important if she is saying it, so it's better to understand, although the idea of ​​magic jewels sounds to him straight out of an anime.

"They agreed to anchor themselves to the jewels to be able to have contact with the world in a more personal way, it's what allows them to have a corporeal form and relate to the environment instead of just existing isolated ... The only thing that can have contact with the world material are their powers, but they as an entity are not. At first they considered it a small price for the opportunity to live with their creations, but the slavery that it brought with it was a long-term impediment ... In any case, only the power of Plagg can destroy the jewels, but for magical reasons he cannot do the same with his own jewel."

"Silly if you ask us," Chloe complains. They actually read the temple books, the ones God Shit recommended to them and even Alix traveled with Fluff's help to different times to discover secrets that might have been lost, but nothing in relation to magical slavery, although they didn't go as far as to meet the magician who created the Miraculous, they feel that it's not advisable to do that.

"Maybe we should blackmail Luci into seeing if he knows anything…" Nathaniel mutters, earning a snort from Marc.

------

John: I'll arrive in Paris tomorrow, I found some old books that mention the Kwami

John: I think you will like them, they could help us with our research

John: I also bring a gift for your son

John: I don't know if he mentioned it

John: [Photo attached]

Marie: Where will I put that?!

Marie: John!

John: He didn't mention it to you. Well it's a peace offering

Marie: It's very sweet of you, but I also didn't know that you guys have been talking.

John: I knew he wouldn't tell you anything, the little monster.

John: I guess you don't know who came here either, right?

Marie: No! No wonder he acted so strange, he felt guilty. I can not believe it

Marie: I can't be angry either

John: Why should you? He's taking care of you and, for now, it's the only way he knows

John: It will get better, you have that effect on people

Marie: You’re sweet

------

The meeting continues in an uncomfortable environment, if someone hints that they are fully functional adults, anyone in the room would quickly tell them they are wrong. Against their better judgment, neither knows how to proceed. It's usually Marinette who knows what to do, but neither she nor Felix are entirely sure how to proceed from there.

"So… we all agree that we shouldn't say anything to the other Batman?" Nathaniel breaks the ice, looking doubtfully at everyone.

They're a bunch of awkward adults, that's for sure.

"That is obvious, Kurtzberg. The important thing about this ridiculous meeting is to know if they are useful for our interests. So, speak up, what can you bring to this partnership? We are giving them access to one of the greatest secrets in the world, an immediate support team and, above all, a network of reliable contacts around the world. ”Damian folds his arms and looks down at his two older brothers.

Dick looks up to see the boy, who seems very confident in his words and, despite various expressions to the boy's words, cannot say that he's being arrogant about it. Tim is the one answering.

"I offer myself. I've been designing tech updates for Batman, but there are some devices that would fit his surveillance better than ours. "He starts going through his files and Marinette gets up to hand him one of the computers Max uses for data presentation, which are designed to withstand the information traffic that they usually handle in most of their cases. "Oh thanks."

She sits back and watches him set up his own technology with Max's, feeling very excited by the clear differences and surprised when Markov makes an appearance.

"Who you are?"

"Markov, that's Timothy Drake. Let him play on the computer, he wants to show us something. "

"Okay, I thought someone had got hold of some piece of technology. I'll let Dima supervise it."

Dick watches in surprise as the settings return to normal and the screen returns to the files Tim was manipulating in order to present them to others.

"Was that an AI?" Richard questions.

"The question is stupid, obviously it was."

"Damian." Marinette places a hand on her son's head and gives him a firm little look, silently asking him to avoid attacking his apparent paternal family. "That was Markov, the artificial intelligence designed by Max, he's a great ally in research because of his ease of hacking without being detected. He's joined by Dima, the one in charge of guarding the complex and taking care of the Kwami that rest in the box."

"Does he have emotions? That's great. Wait... did you say Max? Max Kanté?"

"The only one" Max walks in just then, grabbing his own laptop and picking an empty seat at random. Tim just stares with his mouth open.

How not meet the genius who designed a robot capable of feeling emotions at thirteen? The guy is quite a celebrity in the scientific world! He founded KanTech at the age of eighteen and is currently a major multi-branch business rival to Wayne Enterprise. In a way, that he's the one designing the MT technology makes perfect sense.

"I don't want to interrupt, but there is an Akuma."

The MT, in a synchronized way, complains in its own way. Damian insults the man behind the mask, Felix complains about it being night, Chloe exclaims about the bad time to do it, Kagami mutters how annoyed it is, Nathaniel is just a long wail with a comforting whisper from Marc.

"Hurry up, let's see what he has prepared for us this time. Team, Kagami, Chloe, Felix and I will go. The others, wait to be called."Those mentioned stand up just in time for the Kwami to appear, which is Pollen hands the comb to its owner, while Wyazz nods to the blonde who is taking off his jacket and gloves to reveal the miracle bracelet.

Marinette also removes the glove where the ring is hidden. The four of them transform in front of the foreign vigilantes, surprising them by seeing the transformation.

In front of him were no longer the vigilantes but the heroes of Paris.

[potentially-lemongrass]

hey! um i wanted to ask a bi queerstake member whose dated about this, um I want to marry in the temple and I know that means I'll have to marry a AMAB person, is it bad that I want a nb/nb aligned masc person or at least a bisexual or asexual partner? i feel like i wont find someone like that, I just want someone who understands and is also queer but also fits kind of with the church narrative. is that weird? you dont have to answer this I just wanted to ask since no one talks about it i guess

honestly my perspective on dating has changed a lot since meeting B so I might say something completely different to what I was saying in previous months. (and of course, as always, this is just Ryn’s Opinion TM so take what you will). Also, looong post incoming as this is also a bit of a life update/journal entry since it’s been a while. I’m using B to respect his privacy and as always, I know that i’m super personal on here but please don’t try to doxx me or find out more than I’m willing to share <3 I’m slightly paranoid so I feel like I always need to say that. 

ANYWAY, I am still decidedly bisexual ✌ and so I’ll fight against bi erasure all day long since I’m a cis woman dating a cishet man. I will never be a straight woman and B totally understands and respects that. However, it also doesn’t exactly matter?? since I’ve chosen him so I’m not dating any men OR women.

Before meeting him, I was thinking about dating in the abstract especially since I really never had a serious relationship with anyone. I was fantasizing about dating girls and feeling deeply cheated that the Church was robbing me of that opportunity. I was angry, deeply depressed, and just generally not in a good mental place.

Coming to college was when I decided I wasn’t mentally going to “do” Church anymore. I skipped a few Sundays, and still signed up for Institute but I was angry and very determined to distance myself from the Church. I had to know if I even wanted to do this with my life and part of my master plan was getting a girlfriend. (although with the caveat that dating a girl, *just* to date a girl and not a guy, isn’t the best plan and I should have been more focused on romance)

I didn’t expect to meet B and when I did, I was deeply worried about getting a man who was “Peter Priesthood” and I would never be able to share my queer identity with him. B isn’t at all like that. He spent enough time around the queer kids in high school to really get a feel for the struggle and he’s never ever made me feel weird about it. He’s even encouraged and asked me to talk about it so I didn’t feel like I had to hide anything.

I came to two conclusions (well, maybe two and a half). 1) I’m definitely bisexual. Over the summer, I had briefly wondered if I was a lesbian and comp het was just taking its toll. Nope. Men are hot and my bf is absolutely a snack. So if anyone is looking for advice about figuring out sexuality, just try dating someone. I totally believe that you can��know your sexuality without experience but it most definitely helps if you know what you’re talking about.

2) I missed church. I hadn’t realized it until I walked away but I truly do have a testimony and I longed for the presence of the Spirit in my life. So I chose to turn back. I read my scriptures and prayed sincerely and listened at church. No, I’m not entirely happy with the Church. There are things that make me cry and cringe and grit my teeth, but I have decided that I want to be here.

Part of that realization was B. My friend asked me if I could see myself getting married in the temple and I realized suddenly that I could. Suddenly it wasn’t a faceless man dragging me into a suburban life of mommy minivans and LDS conformity. It was the thought of B and I, holding hands and promising each other forever in the most eternal sense and it was me, making covenants with Heavenly Father. He and I both know that I’ve always had real joy in my life when I was doing my best to keep His commandments.

What I really needed was to accept my queer identity and feel like I could date girls if I wanted to. Finding B and finding my testimony were linked, as wild it is to say.

Not to say that that road would be easy. I’m not even close to being ready for marriage. B and I are figuring things out, both between us and with the Church. If faith was neat and simple, it wouldn’t be such an enduring theme throughout all of history.

 But maybe sometime in the next 5 years? Maybe in 2-3 years? I might be Mrs. Lemongrass. (pffft yes we’ll assume we’re taking my tumblr url as a last name lmao)

SO now you’re wondering about how that applies to your actual question. There will definitely be people in the Church who match what you’re looking for. My philosophy is that there really is someone out there for everyone. You’re trying to forecast for the future which is great and necessary but love doesn’t happen in the abstract. A Relationship TM isn’t some nebulous concept or a copy and paste letter. It’s what happens when you and a specific other person like each other a whole lot and it goes from there. Your relationship won’t look like mine or your parents or anyone else’s because you and your future partner are unique people.

So you totally may find someone in the Church who is queer and down for a temple marriage. Keep in mind as well that you may also find someone in the Church who is cishet and that works too. Just because someone isn’t queer doesn’t mean they can’t understand--assuming no one will ever understand you has always felt arrogant and dismissive of the power of empathy imho--so a cishet guy could be just as amazing.

So there’s no need to feel bad about wanting a specific type of person but don’t close yourself off! Enjoy the journey and put yourself out there with confidence. No one is good at relationships; they’re inherently awkward. You’ll say dumb stuff or fart in front of them or they’ll overshare and you’ll panic. Just trust the process, laugh at yourself, and realize the only thing you can really do is live in *this* moment. I hope this doesn’t sound condescending at all! This is just all my big sister advice that I can think of. Remember that you are loved, always, always, always by our Heavenly Parents and They’ll help you figure stuff out.

[eidetictelekinetic]

Fic Writer Interview Meme

Thanks for tagging me, @rubickk7 !

name: Kate/PanBoleyn

fandoms: Primarily The Magicians at the moment, though MCU is threatening to make a comeback and ASOIAF, Tudors, and Black Sails are always lingering in the background waiting to do the same (actually I have pending projects in all three of those, but my disaster magic children are distracting!)

two-shot: That’d be like a perfect picture (in a broken frame) which was supposed to be a oneshot but I got to a certain point, got kinda stuck, and decided to post the first half in hopes of jogging my brain. It worked. Honorary mention to Shine Through My Memory though, because it was SUPPOSED to be a oneshot and ended up five chapters because of course it did.

most popular multi-chapter fic: The Lady of Rivers and Storms, which is honestly one of those things where the success surprised me - I really didn’t expect there to be a ton of interest in a Lysa/Stannis AU but apparently I filled a niche I hadn’t realized was there. It was an excellent surprise. I do think it’s one of my best pieces, though. :)

actual worst part of writing: Uh... I’m not the best one to ask because I actually really enjoy the writing process to the point where all the posts about “worst hobby” and such really bewilder me, but transcribing canon scenes to adapt is tedious as hell and I dislike it immensely. Which is funny because I keep landing myself in situations where it’s necessary.

Oh, also writing action/fight scenes. I hate doing that and there’s at least one more in my future.

How you choose your titles: Oh, almost always song lyrics, which occasionally may fall into a particular theme - usually incongruous, like kids’ movie song lyrics for Black Sails fic because I found it hilarious. Occasionally it’ll be a reference to something else, like And Also With You, which is a Magicians/Star Wars fusion and a reference to the joke about Catholic SW fans wanting to respond to “May the Force be with you” with “And also with you.”

do you outline: Generally no. I’m more prone to less formal story notes but even then it’s not a common habit of mine.

ideas you probably won’t get around to, but wouldn’t it be nice: I really do want to write more angry or at least hurt returned!Quentin fics but the truth is there’s only so many ways one can write the same basic concept without either being repetitive or, in this case, sliding into character bashing unintentionally. So instead I sit here willing other people to do it so I can read it, lol!

I was also discussing a Thor Ragnarok alternate that pulls a CW-didn’t-happen Steve Rogers into the mess bc he sees Thor and Loki on the street and quite rightly goes “hold on what is going on here?” which would probably have slid toward Steve/Loki (but depending on my mood could be Steve/Bruce, actually) but again, transcribing is my nemesis and also my sense of humor is all wrong for the tone of that story, it would be an absolute disaster.

Oh, and then there was the TM s1 AU where Plover was the Beast and Martin is actually a professor at Brakebills who is a good mentor and actually tries to be sincerely helpful when the group ends up facing the Beast. Unfortunately, I do not have the patience to do two s1 AUs and the one I ended up going with, while I was able to use a lot of my s1 AU concepts, was totally incompatible with the Professor Martin idea. Free to a good home, by the way! I’d love to see it written.

callouts @ me: Uh... I don’t know? My stories always end up longer than planned? 

best writing traits: I’m really good at canon divergence, at figuring out how to blend what I want to keep with my own ideas. I like to think I’m good at character dynamics? 

Spicy tangential opinion: A fairly mild TM one: I think a lot of people act like the only media Quentin has consumed is the Fillory books, which irritates me to what is probably an unreasonable degree. They’re his favorite, not the only thing he touches, and in particular we know he’s a Trekkie because he keeps name-dropping Trek stuff!

For ASOIAF: I don’t think Young Griff being a Blackfyre is the convincing slam dunk theory most of the fandom treats it as - it’s a very plausible option but no argument I’ve seen convinces me that it’s a certainty. Personally, I would prefer it if he is the son of Elia and Rhaegar like he believes himself to be, that story appeals to me more. But the pettiest part of me doesn’t care as long as the Blackfyre people never get confirmation because a lot of them are so arrogantly sure of it and it annoys me. Also I hate the term fAegon because Aegon is his name regardless of his genetics, so I call him Blue Aegon since there’s so many people with the name. 

(You may notice I played nice with TM, since I have other opinions likely to upset people, but I don’t care with ASOIAF, mostly because someone’s always pissed over there, so why should I?)

Tagging @ofthedirewolves, @mihrsuri, @beanarie, @ellelans, and @cosmonauthill

[murasaki-murasame]

Thoughts on Higurashi Gou Ep8

I’ve been thinking for a while that this arc felt almost weirdly similar to the original Watanagashi arc, to the point that maybe the twist was just gonna be that there isn’t actually any major differences this time, but then this episode came around and took us in a whole new direction and now I really feel like we’re all experiencing the feeling of reading through the question arcs for the first time, lol.

Thoughts under the cut. [Also some spoilers about the background meta stuff in Umineko, but I’m trying to keep it vague]

I’ve kinda had a lot of mixed feelings about this arc since it started, since it felt like maybe it was going to just be Gou doing a 1:1 retread of the VN for the sake of giving new fans the necessary character intros and plot exposition to set up the mystery, but thankfully this episode really proved why this is a totally different arc to Watanagashi and Meakashi, even if it’s superficially similar.

It’s actually kinda funny how many elements of this episode were directly inspired by things that happen in the later parts of Watanagashi, but with more or less totally different contexts behind them. I feel like it’s designed to make the preview images for each episode super misleading, lol.

In terms of the storytelling and thematic stuff going on, one of the surprisingly big changes is how the Watanagashi arc really pushed the idea of supernatural possession and demons and whatnot by having Shion [disguised as Mion] going around torturing and killing people, plus the whole “Takano was officially already dead when Keiichi saw her at the festival” thing, but this time around it’s focusing more on the idea of the curse being an excuse that the villagers set up to justify killing enemies of the village each year. Which is closer to the truth, but still not entirely true.

I feel pretty good about most of my theories of what happened in Onidamashi, aside from Satoko and Rika dying, but with this arc I don’t really feel sure about anything. Which is a pretty fun feeling, after having already been aware of Higurashi’s whole mystery for so long.

One of the big things I’m assuming at the moment is that the Mion we see in this episode was really just Mion the whole time. I don’t really think it’s accurate to call her the ‘culprit’ this time around, but I think that for all intents and purposes this is more of a Mion arc than a Shion arc.

I think that it was someone like Shion who killed the family heads, and it just lead to Mion deciding to go ahead with putting an end to the whole tradition. I’m not entirely sure about this, but it’d make sense if Shion was doing her whole arc in the background, but she got killed by Mion before she could kill anyone else.

The whole idea of Mion ever being a killer or getting the syndrome is kinda controversial, but at least going by what we got told in this episode, I think it actually does a pretty good job at showing how this might happen. For one thing, she’s channeling her paranoia into trying to protect Keiichi, which at least feels more consistent with her personality than just snapping and killing anyone. And after how Rika seemed to be at the point of ominously telling people that everyone’s gonna die because she’s given up hope on this timeline, and Mion apparently being convinced that Rika’s behind everything, I can see how maybe she either overheard Rika’s talk with Keiichi, or some time before or after that scene she talked with Rika herself and heard all about how everyone’s gonna die, and how Tomitake and Takano’s bodies should be found soon. I think it’d be pretty understandable at that point for Mion to get pushed over the edge, lol.

I don’t think she’s actually the one who killed Rika, though. Her whole rant in the ladder scene came across more like she thinks Rika’s still around and needs to be stopped. Maybe Rika was killed by the Yamainu after they apparently talked about something, but I’m not sure. At the very least, I think Rika being found in a septic tank probably makes it way less likely that she killed herself, unless someone found her corpse and dumped it into the tank afterward. So someone probably murdered her, but I’m not sure who.

It might have been Shion, but if it wasn’t her at school that day impersonating Mion then that seems unlikely, and I still think it was just Mion the whole time this episode.

One of my main doubts about Mion and her whole story in this episode is that we know from the VN that she knows how the Sonozakis aren’t responsible for any of the curse killings, and are just making themselves look guilty. So her paranoia about the three families being behind everything seems more like something Shion would think. But it’s possible that she doesn’t actually think they’re directly responsible for everything, just that they’re *complicit* in continuing the whole curse narrative, and allowing the deaths to happen each year while sitting back and accepting blame for it. Which I think would make a lot of sense, and might not even require Mion to succumb to full on Hinamizawa Syndrome levels of paranoia.

Even in the VN, I think we see her being upset about the fact that her family knows what’s going on and have basically just been sitting back and letting it happen. So I think this is just an extension of that, and she’s mostly just angry at how the culture of positive communal protection has warped into a string of revenge killings that the three families are allowing to happen.

This is also why I’m not entirely sure whether or not she killed Kimiyoshi and Oryo. It might have just been Shion doing her whole thing from a place of straight up paranoia, but maybe during the whole family party after the festival she basically got pushed over the edge after seeing how those two talked about the idea of the curse and how the people who broke into the Saiguden should be punished.

I’m not sure exactly what Mion’s motive would be for killing Shion, though, if that’s even what happened in the first place. I think Mion would just see Shion as being a victim of the whole curse narrative in the first place, after what happened with Satoshi previously. Even if Shion was the one who killed Oryo and Kimiyoshi, I doubt Mion would kill her over it. It might have just been Shion accidentally falling into the well, since that kinda thing happens sometimes in the VN, but who knows.

Also on the note of Satoshi, he still hasn’t been directly mentioned at all thus far, which is kinda weird. I think Tataridamashi will probably prove whether it’s just a matter of them condensing all of the major references to him from the original question arcs into only one arc in Gou for the sake of avoiding repetition, or if there’s something weird going on. At the moment I’m just leaning toward it being a matter of narrative efficiency.

And even aside from that, there’s lots of reasons why I’m interested to see how Tataridamashi will play out. I’m becoming increasingly convinced at this point that, like most people are thinking, there’s something weird going on with Satoko, and the next arc should give us more evidence for that one way or another. I also think it might diverge more quickly from the VN than these first two arcs did, since Rika has a pretty good motive for trying to immediately avert the whole Teppei abuse situation.

I don’t really know if I think Satoko’s killed anyone yet, but there’s something weird going on with her. Especially after how she wound up dead at the Sonozaki estate along with Mion. I’m starting to lean toward the idea that maybe she’s looping along with Rika, and that she’s basically trying to figure out the mystery in her own way. Which seems a bit more likely to me than her being a criminal mastermind this time around.

Though honestly the question that I just keep going back to when it comes to this whole idea is just . . . what exactly would the point be of doing something like this with Satoko? There has to be something more logical and meaningful going on than just ‘Satoko’s evil this time for Reasons [tm]’. There’s also the fact that we don’t know why Rika herself is looping again, or why the fundamental rules of the game board seem to be at least slightly different this time around, and those questions might tie into whatever’s going on with Satoko.

I think this is ultimately gonna tie into the hints we’ve gotten that there’s something important going on with teenage Satoko in the whole time period where Rika’s a teenager, which seems to be when she got thrown back into the loop. I’m at least becoming more convinced as time goes on that the mysterious girl in the OP is teenage Satoko, since it’d fit what we can see of her hair-style. And since I think Takano is going to be largely irrelevant this time around, it seems more likely for it to be teenage Satoko than teenage Takano.

I’m maybe kinda biased in how I’m interpreting this since I just finished the Umineko Ep8 manga, and since I’m still viewing Gou from the perspective of really wanting it to be a lead-in to an Umineko remake because I just can’t help but get my hopes up, but I think this might connect to my theory of Gou’s game board being along the lines of a novel series that teenage Rika is making based on her memories of the original time loop, in which case Satoko’s role in the new loop might reflect how she feels about the idea of Rika doing this in the first place.

It’s also making me wonder if maybe Lambda’s decided to sponsor Satoko this time around, if she’s basically ditched Takano by this point. Maybe she gave Satoko the ability to go through these loops with Rika to accomplish some sort of goal of hers, which might be in opposition to Rika’s whole goal with all this.

At the very least, in terms of Umineko connections, we’ve already seen Featherine in the OP, so literally anything could happen at this point, lol. I don’t actually think Featherine is directly responsible for what’s going on at the moment, though. I think if anything she’s taking more of a backseat observer role. Which is basically what she was doing already, I guess.

I’m thinking that maybe the final arc of Gou will be at least somewhat about Rika and Satoko in high school, to explain whatever events lead to this new loop, although if we assume that we get a new OP and ED for the second half, Featherine and teenage Satoko being in this OP might imply that they’ll show up before Tataridamashi ends, which would imply that it’ll REALLY diverge from the VN. Which would be pretty fun.

I still really like the idea that this is effectively the origin story of the Bernkastel we see in Umineko. Mostly just because it’d be a cool way to set up for an Umineko remake, but still. I think if we get a look at what’s going on with Rika and Satoko as teenagers, we’re probably gonna find out that Rika ended up getting into contact with Ikuko after attending St Lucia’s, and decided to work with her to write a series of stories based on her memories of the loop. Then, at least on the real world plane, Rika probably just stopped working with her and went on with her life, but on the meta world plane, Bernkastel stuck around as Featherine’s miko and is more or less represented by Ikuko’s pet cat. The timeline on this would also be pretty interesting, since if the teenage Rika and Satoko time period is around 1986, then that lines up with when Umineko takes place. 

Though at that point I guess my main question is just what Rika’s whole goal is with writing these new stories, and what Satoko’s goal is if she’s decided to enter the loop because of it. Considering how Umineko went, it might be an ideological conflict about whether the truth should be revealed to the public or not about what happened in Hinamizawa. Which reminds me of how it’d be very interesting if Gou doesn’t even end up explaining what’s going on with the behind the scenes politics, and the Great Hinamizawa Disaster. So maybe there’s some conflict going on about if that whole conspiracy should get revealed to everyone, or if it should be kept secret.

At the very least, if we assume that Gou’s just gonna be 24 episodes long with no second season, I don’t really think they have the time to properly explain all of that stuff, especially since Takano’s already had less of a role in the story thus far than in the VN. I think that, in a sense, Satoko has basically replaced Takano as the main turning point and obstacle of the story for Gou, and that whole concept might end up being relevant on multiple different levels.

Even if we completely ignore Takano and the whole political conspiracy stuff surrounding her that takes up a big chunk of the story, I feel like Gou’s already gonna be kinda short on time if it really wants to be a self-contained story with just 24 episodes. Which is the big reason why I think they’ve basically cut out most/all of the stuff to do with her and replaced it with some sort of new plot point that’ll take less time to deal with.

At the moment, my current theory for the final two arcs of Gou is that the fourth arc will basically be a version of Meakashi that focuses pretty much entirely on flashbacks, and basically ties the flashback half of Meakashi together with some of the flashbacks in Matsuribayashi that deal with the different curse incidents over the years, to set up a more cohesive and linear story arc about both Shion and Satoshi, and their experience with the curse over the years. Then I think the final arc will be a mix of whatever Gou’s original plot stuff will be, and a Matsuribayashi-style series of fragments showing a different perspective on Gou’s question arcs and what was happening behind the scenes in them. I think that’s one of the more realistic ways that they could actually compile all of the important plot points into this one season.

This could all get thrown out of whack if we do actually get a second season for Gou, but I doubt it, so at least for the time being I’m just trying to work out how it’ll all work out with just 24 episodes total.

Anyway, Gou continues to be extremely good, and I continue to be irrationally hyped about the prospect that maybe this is setting up for an Umineko remake, lol.