#thinking about all of the debt he owes adam and how he wanted to spend the rest of his long long life repaying it

[itsyagurlchip]

Rottmnt request platonic funny hc.

Younger sister reader whose always talks about " am daddy's favorite and i'll have most of his inheritance " type of talk like how leo jokes mostly about new Jersey and whenever her brothers are either in danger or doing something naughty she always writes to her dad with

" dear daddy, sadly i'd like to inform you that my brothers are mostly dead so please scratch their names off your will and thank you "

٠ ˚ ※ ๋࣭  ᯓ⚝ ⋆ .˚✰"Daddy! Buy Me North Korea!"٠ ˚ ※ ๋࣭  ᯓ⚝ ⋆ .˚✰

✰⋆⁺warnings: death mentions(!) death threat jokes(!) reader is scary(!) lil bit of angst(!) cussing(!)

✰⋆⁺I really love this one- I'm even gonna add gifs for specific events rather than making up my own plot. My brain is kinda hurting- I found this funny bc it's a thing that me and my dad joke about from time to time.

"that's a thousand dollars" "out of what?" "what I'm owing you in my will"

I hope you all enjoy<33

✰⋆⁺ Random scenes where reader "accidentally" mentions her ability to kill the four turtles. Poor thing doesn't even know that Splinter hasn't even written his will yet.

Reader already knew that Lou Jitsu was a popstar in the hidden city-

Just look at all of those posters!

And after a bit of poking and prodding at Draxum for a while, she found out how they were created.

Yet she didn't know who her biological father was, and her digging came to an end.

untilll-

After finding out that Splinter is Lou Jitsu (during the fish and ladders fight), reader has been ADAMANT that Splinter still has some of that leftover money.

You know how the turtle boys always try to gain Splinter's favor?

Well, reader tries even harder.

Homemade gifts, physical affection, spends time with the old rat, listens to his stories.

She is getting that money one way or another.

She even tries to stay in the lair more often, sometimes to manipulate his opinions of her brothers just a tiny bit.

But that doesn't mean she isn't genuine with her actions-

She just wants the benefits yk?

I basically headcannon her to be like Zuri from 'Hey Jessie" and "Bunk'd' where when she finds an opportunity for money, she'll take it.

Reader is very observational, so after finding out Donnie's password, she just slowly started cashing out the man's bank.

She found it even better when she realized that ALL of his passwords were the same and he BARELY changes them.

When someone owes reader her money, she'll get it.

She's actually kind of a loan shark, and even does interest depending on who owes her and how long they didn't pay her,

"HEY! I said pay up bucko! It's been three months and you still haven't coughed up JACK."

Repo never wanted to be in debt to a little girl ever again.

Anyone who is in debt to her will be crouching in pain- wallet empty, dignity lost, banging the floor, and broke as hell.

"IS THAT MONEY I HEARD?" You shouted, this may have been the best day of your life! Say goodbye to pyramid schemes ole pal! You just found a new source of forever income!

You sighed dreamily, thinking about how much cash you'll be flowing in before the old rat croaks.

Raph deadpanned at you before grabbing you by the shell and dragging you away from the fight.

"Ooh Donnie! DOn't GeT ClAweD At!!! You might just loose your name in the will! Who do you think Splinter will give it to??? His favorite child of course!"

You cackled evilly at the thought, but pouted when you saw that your brother survived.

"NO!" Raph yelled, jumping off the roof to catch Leo.

"There's no point! You should've just ran- Besides, he barely has anything left to his name but a few lil comics and unicorn figures." You rolled your eyes.

Raph successfully caught Leo, with said turtle yelling in retaliation to your claim.

"THEY AREN'T JUST UNICORN FIGURES!!"

While Leo was fighting Raph, you were writing a letter, tears staining the page. Somehow, you had gotten aloose with all of the commotion.

But instead of running, you wrote,

" dear daddy, sadly i'd like to inform you that my brothers are mostly dead so please scratch their names off your will and thank you "

The joy that you would have mountains of cash was overshadowed by the depression that you felt over the possibility of losing your brothers.

If they did actually die, you would pay them 500 bucks each everytime you passed their graves. If not, then writing this letter was completely and utterly useless.

More tears fell from your eyes, angry at the selfishness you had despite how dire the situation currently is. You stopped writing.

The Krang had attacked the day before, but you had to find it before it was too late!

Splinter was dead. He had been for a while now, died from old age and dementia. Out of respect, you held back your impatience to find that damned paper-

There!

While very unprofessional, and quite frankly very unorganized, the will was there.

"My Dear youngest, Pink .

I know you will find this first. You always had a thing for wads of cash and anything that blinged."

Tears began to flow from your eyes again, your lip trembling as you continued to read,

"Do know, I have nothing to my name. No money, no residence, nor any left over children."

The paper crinkled beneath your hands, you knew it. You fucking knew it and yet you continue to read it. How utterly selfish of you. Law wouldn't matter, not with what is going on right now.

Things were hopeless. The future would be corrupted by these alien things. And yet, you still read.

"The only thing I would want to leave for you and your brothers, the only thing I can give you in my current state are my final words.

I love all of you. I am proud of each and every one of you. Watching you all grow up was one of the best things that Lou Jitsu never would have known he needed.

Take care, don't miss this old rat too much.

-Splinter Hamato"

That night, you cried the most you've ever done in your entire life. And in a few hours, you were dead.

Mikey, the one who found your hand clenched to your weapon underneath pounds of rubble, couldn't speak for the next few days. The letter stayed in his pocket.

man... I'm bummed now.

For those who are worried; no, reader did not kill herself. The Krang just caught her, she was the first to go.

(๑˃̵ᴗ˂̵)و tags: @kittykittyanon @radicallxser @oleander-nin @towomatos @thealphagirl

@ziipzeepzop-eez @spongejuice @nuncscioquidsitamor-13 @cyb3r-st4r

if you would like to be added, check my blog. if you would like to be added, check my blog. SEE? I SAID IT TWICE!!

[ruki--mukami]

A wild Ruki appeared!

@yuikomorii has selected hold hands!

"What do you think you're doing, Yui? Taking my hand so suddenly, without my permission no less. Even if I was lost in thought just now, that's hardly an excuse to interrupt my concentration, especially so late in the night. Well, as you may have already surmised, I couldn't sleep either. I sensed your presence before you had the chance to step foot outside, but still—I never expected this from you."

Atop the balcony of the Mukami manor, a place of retreat for the eldest whenever his musings plagued him, sweet fragrances from the moonlight garden wafted above. From such a height, anyone could witness how the blossoms bloomed so brilliantly. With his hand on the railing, Ruki contemplated withdrawing it from the delicate fingers that suddenly overlapped his own, staring intently at the young woman whose cerise hues shone.

"Yui, there's something I must discuss with you. It's about when I first met you; when my brothers and I went through such great lengths to obtain the legendary Eve for ourselves and thus awaken an Adam."

Finally, the Vampire reciprocated and squeezed her hand with care, considerate enough not to exert the usual supernatural strength he possessed. Restlessness swirled in his tempest eyes like a hazardous whirlpool as he gazed into Yui's eyes, leaning in closer for a better look.

"When I isolated you here for the sake of my benefactor, I saw it as little more than repaying a debt I owed to him. I always thought that by seeing the fruition of his Adam and Eve project, my brothers and I would rightfully earn our second chance at life as Vampires. But, as I learned more about you, more about how similar yet how different we are, I began yearning for more than just your blood. I wished to monopolize you all for myself, not because of some grandiose plan, but because we both sought after the same thing all along."

Removing their clasped hands off the balcony's railing, Ruki hurriedly clutched her chin with his free hand, trapping Yui between himself and the balustrade.

"If you're anticipating some sort of love confession, then you're sorely mistaken. And yet, that's the similarity that connects us: we have never been loved, and conversely, have never loved another to this extent. I can say with confidence now that I only want to learn and discover more about you, Yui. Up until this point, I've tempted you with lies like the serpent did Eve. But this—this is no lie."

The midnight gale atop the balcony and the garden surrounding them vanished in favor of a much sweeter, much more intoxicating sensation brought about by the union of their lips locked in a rapturous kiss.

"There is no one else I'd rather spend the rest of my life with. Never will I ever let you go, Yui, I promise you this. You... You are my saving grace. And of all the people to 'save' me, in a sense, I'm glad it was you."

[magdaclaire]

yeah okay destiel songs as midam 

the night we met for midam,,, 

[bakugohoex]

Hii!! I was wondering if I could request a short fic about Levi starting out training y/n because of their talent, but falling in love in the process?

“you might even become better than me”

pairing: levi ackerman x female reader

cw: sexual implications, fluff, all adults

word count: 2000+

a/n: hey, hope you liked the request, i’m thinking of taking a long break after my requests and event is done to work on exams and school

summary: in which levi trains you in the scouts, with your evident talent and continuous flirtations, levi takes it upon himself to teach you a lesson, even if it is to try and hide his crush on you

“Again.” Levi commanded watching you try to jump from one tree to another using the ODM gear. It had been months since your initial entrance into the survey corps from well nothing, Erwin owed your family a debt and it seemed it could be easily solved if you instantly joined the Survey Corps. Of course it had been weird that a grown adult wanted to join, missing the opportunity when you were a child too, but you were adamant to continue on. “Bend your knees more.”

“Fuck, Levi I haven’t had to bend my knees this much in ages.” The implications behind your voice made him roll his eyes, even with this charade going on you still kept at it. 

Levi glared talking, “just do it, brat.”

He hadn’t realised he would be the one spending afternoons training you, making sure you didn't become a liability when expeditions would occur. He watched as you listened to his demand, how you bent your knees, using the gas to fly off a tree to another. “Captain, the fake titans are ready.” 

You hadn’t heard the man even show up, but you swirled through the air. Levi hadn't even asked for your motions but folding his arms he watched how easily you moved through the air. You were of course talented, anybody could see that, but you lacked the experience, he knew how much you just wanted to kill titans. Kill the things that had killed your family, he stared for a while, just watching and admiring you, you reminded him of Isabel. How excited you got in the air, the wind against your pure skin, ready to be tainted.

“Oi, it’s ready.” He finally spoke just as you landed right in front of him. 

You gave a cheery look, finally able to use the blades to cut into a fake titan, it was still something. “Levi, why so pissed? Was it not good?” You taunted the boy.

“That’s Captain Levi to you.” He muttered not turning to see your dawdling. 

“Ooo okay, Captain Levi, seems like you just enjoy being called Captain.” You smirked, mocking him but with a sexual implication he glared back. 

Putting his hand to the colour of the Survey Corps jacket, he brought you to meet his face. “Go kill the titans.”

He let go, pushing you into the forest, the close contact that he had with you making a heavy fluster erupt from you. “Yes Captain.” Even with you saying it seriously, how could Levi not hear the implications of your words? He knew you were flirty; he had seen it first hand when he had gone to get you from the bar you were at.

He had watched you slip some money into a guy's pocket, whispering in his ear something that had made him flush with excitement. He had seen how your hand lingered across the guy's chest until he saw your true motives. The way you skilfully took the money you had given him and every other note he had in his breast pocket. If it hadn't been criminal, he would’ve been impressed. 

You were a flirt, an excessive flirt, especially to Levi. But who could tell if he enjoyed it or not, he knew if it had been anybody else, he would’ve beat the shit out of them. With you though, your flirtations had made him intrigued with you alongside the fact that you were as talented as he was. 

He remembered the first words you had spoken to him, a flirtatious remark that had made Erwin roll his eyes and you with the brightest smile possible. He didn't understand how you even had the confidence to call him “cupcake”, he shivered at the thought of the word. He wasn't yours to call you that but ever since then you had this allure to you that intrigued him. 

“Can I start?” You questioned from the tree, he nodded as he knew he’d have to wait where the Titan was to see how you handled it. 

He moved through the air himself, waiting against the tree where the titan would appear, he could hear the shuffling of the trees in your direction. Before he saw it, he saw you move through the air, swinging back and forth between trees, doing an easy turn to become face to face with the titan that had just appeared. 

You barely even flinched, Levi knew how new cadets were, how they had trained for 3 years in preparation. But you, you saw the titan with nothing more than a grimace on your face, your twirled through the air, blade held high until you slashed right into the neck of the fake. The indent was evident, just reaching the wooden part, he was impressed, a small smirk rising at how you continued on past to the other titans, slashing them with the same movement and depth. 

Maybe Erwin was right about you and your talent. Just as you arrived back to him on the tree, he seemed emotionless as usual, before giving you a look of hope. “How did I do Captain?”

“I’ll be telling Erwin you’re ready.” He didn't bother to tell you the positives or the negatives of your movements. He knew just how talented you were but, in this moment, he felt something else for you, the way you killed those titans so easily, even if they were fake, he had seen men fail at even getting their blades into the fake neck. “Go eat, we’ve got hand to hand combat tonight.”

“Wait, was I good though?” You questioned. 

Levi turned to meet your eyes, you seemed happy, but you didn't even know if you were actually even doing the right thing. Levi turned to face you, “it was good” You nodded waiting for more, “you might even become better than me.”

You gave a startled look, a confession you hadn’t expected, “wow, really?”

“I’m not saying anymore now go before I fail you for your attitude.” He watched you give a happy smile disregarding him comment before you nodded jumping off the tree using the gas to swirl through the air. “Damn brat.” He muttered at your enjoyment of this all. 

Levi walked back to Erwin’s office, he knew the extent of your talent, but the feeling he got from you was different now. He had seen you grow in these months and maybe you had been some other lesser person than him when you started out, unable to even use the ODM gear. But you had potential and he was relying on that but now having just watched you get what anybody would consider a perfect score. He understood why Erwin had allowed you to join, how through the air you were free, pretty even. 

He dismissed his thoughts on your attractiveness, going to instead tell Erwin of how you’d be joining his squad in the next expedition. The light conversation was easy with Erwin and before he knew it, he was back outside to where the training grounds were. He saw you walk out with Hanje; she was showing you to be what looked like a titan hair. He was surprised you haven't covered the sight of the gross thing, but you were intrigued listening to Hanje until she left to leave you two. 

“Hey Captain.” You stressed his title and at the sound of your saying it he regretted making you call him that. 

“If you’re going to be a brat about the name, just call me Levi.” He muttered, folding his arms to glare at you. 

You smiled at him giving a small chuckle, “aww did you stop getting turned on by the name, Levi, can’t think of another name for me to use.”

You knew why you taunted humanity's strongest, it had been obvious from the very beginning. An attractive man like himself with the cold attitude of how could you not fall for that, the long looks he’d give watching you with so much passion. It was a reaction to the soft touches he had had when he put the ODM gear on you, he was something that you wanted. 

“Y/n.” He scowled, “get here now.”

He positioned himself in a fighting stance, the only reason one to one combat was taught was just a precaution, it was never important, but it built up stamina and the techniques you learnt could be replicated and of course ever since the finding of the new titans through Eren. 

You slouched in front of him, arms up, tired from the day's event. “Arms up Y/n.” 

You lazily put your arms further up, he muttered a profanity, coming up behind you to put you in the stance. “Aww Levi isn’t this a bit close for you.”

He ignored the comment, standing in front of you before he went in for a punch. You dogged it before trying yourself to punch the man, it was hard when he easily moved past you, giving you a kick to the side, you already had an excuse made up for the easy defeat from Levi. He grabbed your arm putting it behind your neck as he kicked your legs down making you kneel. 

“If you wanted me in this position, you could…” He interrupted you moving to where your face was, your hand on your thighs as you kneeled for him. He grabbed your jaw making you look up at him through the moonlight. 

“Shut the fuck up.” He scowled his grip tight on your jaw, his thumb moved to brush against your lips. “Open.”

You complied not knowing what had gone on between the two of you, maybe it was your relentless comments, even if Levi had caved into your words, he wasn't letting you control the next action. His thumb went right into your mouth, he felt your tongue swirl around his finger, how you remained kneeling like a good girl for once. 

“You think you can keep flirting with me, someone who’s higher in rank than you, I could tell Erwin to kick you out of the Survey Corps with that attitude.” He watched the way your mouth moved along with his finger, his hand still grasping your jaw, he removed his finger, waiting for an answer. 

“I’m so...sorry.” The normal flirtations had gone, only the feeling of being nothing setting in. 

Levi grabbed your neck making you come up , the soles of your shoes planting in the dirt. “I’m going to fix that attitude, okay?” You nodded which only made his grip tighten, “use your words, brat.”

“Yes Levi.” He gave another stern look, “C...captain.”

“Good girl.” He mutters before colliding his lips on your own. His grasp on your throat remained as he moved your mouth along his own, it was driven with passion and lust, he bit at your lip wanting to taste more from you. His tongue easily gliding inside your mouth, moving along with your own, your hands had moved into his hair making him come closer to you. He finally let you go watching your dazed expression, “lessons over.”

He was ready to walk away, leave you to get back to your room by yourself. He never wanted to talk about his actions, he wanted it to be a forgotten memory. “Wait Levi.” He turned to meet your gaze, the way you had some sort of purity to you, “y...you can’t just leave without an explanation.”

“An explanation?” He seethed out, “I kissed you isn't that what you wanted.”

“B...But did you want to?” You whispered, not meeting his gaze.

He walked back up to your body, meeting your eyes to see the fear you had within them. “I did.” He muttered bringing you into his arms, a soft hug of him caressing your hair as he whispered soft loving into your ear. He may never admit it properly, but he had fallen for the flirtations, he admired your strength and knew you both could become a team when fighting and maybe even as a couple.

i’d really appreciate if you guys could leave a like, reblog or comment, thanks x

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[angellesword]

YOUR EYES TELL | JJK (11)

Summary: You live in a world where people see in black and white. The solution to finally see the colors? It’s simple. You need to meet your soulmate and look at him in the eyes, but what if the person bound to you is already contented with the monochromatic world? What if…Jeongguk, your soulmate, is already in love with someone else?

Alternatively:

“A future without you is a world without color.”

Genre: soulmate au, e2l, slow burn, ANGST, fluff, roommate au

Pairing: Artist!Jungkook x Lawyer!Reader

Word Count: 2.2k

SERIES:  CHAPTER 10 | CHAPTER 12

"You don't have to pay me, Guk."

 Jeongguk shook his head instantly. Yoongi was being absurd. How could he not pay his older friend?

 "I know you have the money, but I can't just take ten thousand dollars from you, hyung." The younger boy pouted his lips.

Yoongi should know by now that Jeongguk hated owing people something.

 Debt of gratitude sucked. It couldn't be paid. Ever. Jeongguk didn't want that. He hated sleeping at night thinking that someone out there could manipulate his feelings—this was how he perceived debt of gratitude: a manipulation. It was because he felt like he was bound please the person who helped him. It was as though he needed to act��in accordance to the likes of said person.

 "Fine." Yoongi shrugged his shoulders as if he didn't care about any of this. "Pay me whenever you want,"

 Jeongguk snorted as your voice echoed inside his head. If you were here, you would tell Yoongi that he couldn't just tell his debtor to pay him whenever he wanted. This wasn't how it was supposed to go.

 Civil obligations like this one was only enforceable for ten years. If Jeongguk couldn't pay within the said period, the obligation would then become a natural one—something that would only be paid out of conscience.

 Jeongguk shook his head. Why was he thinking about the stupid law? Why couldn't he stop imagining your pretty smile as you talked about certain provisions? Why was he hesitating to accept his hyung's money?

 And most importantly, why didn't he want to leave you now?

 Your soulmate loaned thousands of dollars from Yoongi just so he could pay the down payment for the apartment that he wanted buy. He promised himself that he would terminate the lease of contract with you after four months. He just couldn't live with you anymore.

 You were supposed to be temporary in his life; however, with the way you were invading his mind even though you weren't around, Jeongguk realized that you were his constant.

 You were the only person who could tolerate his bratty attitude. You were the only person who couldn't get mad at him. You were the only person who made him feel special and needy—Jeon Jeongguk needed your attention so much that he felt like had to run.

 He didn't know when it started, especially because he believed he was not over Red yet.

 Red.

 Was Red the reason why Jeongguk wanted to leave you?

 This was what you thought while clutching the paper on your chest.

 It hurt, but as usual you had to pretend like you were okay.

 "Your parents are back in their hotel," said by Jeongguk the moment he entered your apartment.

 He was back from the thirty-minute drive.

 Your parents were scheduled to fly to Jeju Island tomorrow morning.

 "That's good." You discreetly wiped your tears away, trying so hard to make your tone sound enthusiastic. 

 Your back was facing him since you were afraid to let him see you crying.

 You didn't want to pester Jeongguk regarding his plan to leave. You felt like he wouldn't appreciate the drama you would obviously bring.

  Jeongguk didn't deserve drama—not when it was clear that he was exhausted. He took care of you these past weeks. The only thing you could do was to give him a damn break even if it meant sleepless night as questions like 'why am I not enough?' clouded your mind.

 "Thanks, Jeongguk. Goodnight!" You hastily added, refusing to look at him as you made your way to your room.

 "Wait," he stopped you like the way he did earlier today. This time, however, he stopped you by breaking your heart even more.

 "C-Can I sleep in your room tonight?" Jeongguk swallowed the lump in his throat; his heart was beating so fast.

 You flinched.

 How dare he ask something so insensitive?

 "Why?" Your lips trembled as you finally found the courage to look at him. It was a wrong move, though. You couldn't do it. You couldn't look at him without tears filling your eyes.

 Looking at Jeon Jeongguk made you realize what you could never have: him.

 You were grateful he's averting your gaze. Jeongguk couldn't meet your eyes as well. He was embarrassed and afraid. What if you rejected him? He didn't have any reason to cuddle with you tonight. Jimin was right. Your parents were the solution to help you get back on your feet. It was as though they had some kind of power. You didn't look like you needed your soulmate to make you feel better anymore. 

 You were back to your old self.

 Sadly Jeongguk had no idea that you were just pretending. He didn't know that you were forced to be okay once again. He wasn't even aware that he was one of the reasons why you're acting like everything was fine.

 "I just want to make sure you're alright," his voice was barely audible.

 Jeon Jeongguk was a liar. The truth was you weren't the only one getting used to cuddling with each other. Jeongguk was also craving to embrace you—to listen to your controlled breathing and raging heartbeat.

 "Really?" You suddenly huffed, causing Jeongguk to flick his gaze at you.

 Your soulmate was a good liar, you were not.

 There's a point where pain was too much to handle.

 Jeongguk was staring at you with puzzled expression. His mouth went agape upon seeing the tears streaming down your face.

 "You want to make sure I'm okay so you can finally leave?"

 "What?" He furrowed his brow, clearly not understanding the words you just said. How could he focus on anything when all he could see was your tears?

 Jeongguk wanted to wipe your stupid tears, but you weren't letting him.

 You took three steps backwards when he tried to reach for your face.

 Anger, frustration, and pain. All of these are visible in your eyes. Your thoughts were poisoning your mind—making you imagine what you thought Jeongguk felt.

 "You...called my parents b'cause you're t-tired of me, right?" You slurred.

 You wanted to run to your room since you knew you couldn't stop speaking your thoughts anymore. This wasn't right. You told yourself you weren't going to make this hard for your soulmate, so why couldn't he do the same thing for you?

 Why was he cornering you? Why couldn't he just go away? 

 And why couldn't you stop the venom in your words?

 "You don't want to deal with me anymore. You want to leave but you're guilty. You feel like you are responsible for my pain," this must be it. You kept thinking what triggered his sudden change of behavior. It couldn't be because he finally realized that he liked you too.

 No. That couldn't be right. The only plausible explanation for this was because of the guilt he felt. He only started to act like he cared when you told him that he hurt you too.

 "That's not true..." But Jeongguk was quick to dismiss the negative thoughts inside your head.

 You inhaled deeply. Fresh tears stained your cheeks.

 "What's the truth, then?" You picked up the paper that would prove his intention to leave.

 It was too late to stop now. You were already acting pathetic in front of him. 

 "Why didn't you tell me you bought an apartment?" You continued to ask despite knowing the reason.

 You didn't. You were imagining things. What you think was different from what Jeongguk felt. Admittedly, his eyes widened. He wasn't expecting you to confront him about this. Hell. You weren't even supposed to find out this way.

 Jeongguk was planning to simply sign the contract to terminate your lease agreement with him, leave your apartment in the middle of the night and never come back.

 Guess he couldn't do it now, huh?

 "I-I," he trailed off instantly. How could he explain this to you when he himself didn't know why he wanted to leave?

 Jeongguk wished it was easy to face his emotions. He identified them, but he still didn't know what to do—not even after spending weeks cuddling with you.

 He needed to be alone, he needed to figure out what he felt and what this all meant to him on his own.

 "Is it me, Gukkie?" You sobbed and your soulmate's heart clenched.

 Your back was against the wall, Jeongguk was standing so close to you to the point that he could literally see the tears forming in your eyes.

 It broke him more.

 "Did I cross the line? Am I being too pushy? Annoying? Hard do deal with?"

 Jeongguk could only bite his bottom lip.

 You proceeded to list the things your former maids despised about you.

 "Is Miri too much too handle? Am I picky with the food? Is it hard to wake me up in the morning?"

 Jeongguk avoided your eyes, his Adam’s apple bobbed up and down.

 You noticed that he couldn't speak. Why? Was it difficult to admit the truth?

 "Or am I not buying you enough things?"

 The conflicted boy shook his head vigorously. You did not understand anything.

 "Do you need a new laptop? New clothes? Art materials?" You sounded so desperate. "Tell me, Gukkie. I'll do anything you want."

 "I don't need you to do anything." He said coldly as he moved away from you.

 Pain attacked your chest when you saw indifference dancing in his face.

 "You're still leaving me?" You quivered in fear. You were really pathetic. You said to yourself that you wanted him to go away, but the thought of him actually leaving made your stomach turn upside down.

 "Yes."

 It felt like an arrow shot you in the heart.

 How could he not stutter? Was he really decided to leave you?

 Jeongguk saw how his answer affected you, so he immediately defended himself.

 "I mean it's about right. I told you I'm gonna stay here for a few months. It's over now. I don't want to be your tenant anymore."

 "But why!" You whined. This wasn't fair! How could he decide without consulting you first? This was a reciprocal obligation. You deserved to know his reasons.

 Jeongguk scowled. He wanted to leave now. It was getting unbearable to see you cry—it was as though his chest was going to explode.

 "Do I really need a reason?" His frown deepened. "Can't I just leave because I don't want to be with you anymore?" A lie.

 "You're lying." You refused to believe him even if you knew he was telling the truth. This wasn't you. You weren't like this. It was unlike of you to keep pushing Jeongguk. You teased him all the time, but you didn't mean to make him uncomfortable. His happiness was your top priority.

 You swore you just wanted to know the truth. You deserved a reasonable explanation. He couldn't just say he didn't want to be with you. If he couldn't love you, then he should at least be able to respect you like a normal person.

 "Why would I lie—"

 "Because I'm your soulmate!" You cut him off. Your emotions were overflowing.

 Why couldn't you just let him go?

 "And I love you, Jeongguk." You cried. The table had turned. Just a few breaths ago, he was the one begging to touch you. Right now, however, it was you who was desperately trying to latch on him.

 Jeongguk pushed your hand away. He couldn't have you touching him. It would only make it harder for him to leave.

 "I love you so please don't leave me—"

 "You don't." He cut you off, flinching so hard because of how much he hated your confession. He felt like he was gonna puke.

 "I do, Guk. I love you—"

 "No!" Jeongguk insisted otherwise. He was being stubborn and it was irritating you.

 Who did he think he was to tell you what you felt?

 "You don't love me, okay!? You are wrong in all of this!" He took a step back. He was acting as if your touch was going to burn him.

 "You are delusional. Too caught up with the idea of soulmate that you failed to see the truth!"

 Jeongguk was shaking in frustration. He hated that he had to be mean just to make you understand things—similar to what Red did.

 "I can see the truth! I know the truth!" You carried on.

 He was the one being blinded here, not you.

 "You're just ignoring the signs, Jeongguk. The universe wants us to be together!"

 This wasn't a coincidence. You couldn't be wrong—not when he could see colors because of the love you felt for him.

 But he used this against you.

 "I am not your soulmate." His jaw clenched. "Your eyes can tell."

 You stopped breathing.

 "Your eyes tell." He repeated.

 Your mouth felt dry.

 It felt like you had been stabbed straight in the heart.

 If he was your soulmate, if he ever loved you—or cared, you would see colors by now.

 But no.

 You still see in black and white.

 Your eyes would not lie because Jeon Jeongguk was right....

 Your Eyes Tell.

[seavoice]

i don’t believe in an interventionist god

Sometimes, Fate sticks you together for years. Sometimes, Fate sticks you together for half an hour.

Or — maybe, you don’t meet each other because of Fate’s best attempts to bring you together. Maybe it’s in spite of its best attempts to keep you apart.

[this IS a pjo fic, i promise. ao3 link in the title]

//

Adam didn’t have the time or emotional wherewithal for dying grandmothers.

It sounded so terrible, but it was the truth. Today had been a hard one. The transfer from Chicago to New York City had been a much needed change of pace, a welcome one, but his workload at the new hospital was so much more stressful than the last. Bigger, more reputed, and exponentially busier. It ate away all of his time and more than a fair bit of his peace of mind.

But whatever. He could take the late nights and early mornings, the incessant paging by his attendants, the neverending piles of paperwork and his Chief Resident’s pissy attitude on even the worst of days. As much as it sucked, he was the one who had signed up for this kind of life. He’d known what he was getting into the minute he’d decided to become a doctor. He had known he would spend the rest of his life paying off the student loans for med school, being bossed around by his superiors and being puked on by his poor patients. Whatever. All of that had been — to be completely cheesy, but also completely honest — a cost he had been willing to pay for a chance to save lives.

Technically, Adam had also known that death would be a tragic but inevitable part of the life he had chosen. As terrible as it was to think about it, Adam had thought about it. He would mourn the patients he lost, he would be kind to the families he broke the news to, he would not forget the losses he witnessed, he would remember each and every one of those faces and names. But at the end of it, he would pull himself up, because he had a job to do, lives to save still. He would mourn each patient, but he would not drown in grief. His seniors had warned him that growing too attached to patients was a slippery slope, a fine balance — you wanted to be kind and warm and empathetic, but losses piled up over the years. To be a good doctor, they had said, you had to be kind and you had to remember the losses, but you also had to make peace with the presence of death.

Easier said than done.

The thing was, it wasn’t even his day to be on call. He’d been covering a shift for a friend with a family emergency, and it was going to be like any other day. Draining. Tiring. But normal.

And then the kid had died.

Sweet. Twelve. Brown haired and bright eyed, and so, so sick. Cassie was her name, and her green eyes had fluttered shut bare seconds before she’d flatlined. Her parents had clutched on to each other, the mom nearly collapsing to her knees while the dad buried his face in his wife’s hair and held her up. Adam had spoken to the grieving, broken parents with steady words, and disconnected the girl from life support with steady hands, and he had filled out the paperwork with his steady handwriting, but after that he’d walked out to the reception on his break and suddenly he was no longer steady. It was like he was coming apart at the seams, and Sarah, one of his friends and fellow residents put her phone down and stared at him.

“You alright?” She asked, hand still worrying the phone cord.

“Yeah, just…” Adam closed his eyes and breathed deeply. He could still hear the parents wailing down the hallway as the senior surgeon in charge spoke to them. “You know how it is. She was — uh, very young.”

Sarah nodded in sympathy, “Cassie right? I met her during rounds when I was on Dr Freehold’s service.” She tucked a strand of her red hair behind her ear. “I’m so sorry, Adam.”

“It’s okay. It’s —” Adam reached into his lab coat and pulled out his beeping pager. He groaned. “Aw, shit. Room 114.”

Sarah winced. “Oh, that’s the—“

“Yeah,” Adam sighed, stuffing the pager back into his pocket. “Jack’s off today cause of the family thing, so I’m rounding with Dr Solanki. Wish me luck.”

Old. Sweet. Terminally ill, but still extremely intelligent and alert. Jack was just one of the residents on the case, not the primary attendee, but the way he’d briefed Adam about this particular patient you’d never know it.

Patient 114. She was famous throughout the hospital for her visitors. So sick, but so visibly loved, because there didn’t go a single day without her being visited by a steady stream of children, grandchildren and friends. A remarkable life led, clearly, a life full of overwhelming love.

Adam wondered, sometimes, how a life like that looked from the inside. Wondered it for himself.

He’d never be lonely, for one. For another, he’d never want anything more.

Adam wondered, sometimes, how anyone could get over the loss of a life like that.

He sighed again and read the name on the patient chart. It was a lovely name. Sarah gave him a sympathetic pat on the shoulder and then he was off to meet Dr Solanki.

Dr Solanki waited a second for him to catch up, then she knocked on the door to Room 114. The elderly woman inside had her eyes closed, grey hair a regal cloud on the pillow. She wasn’t sleeping, she was holding herself too stiff for that. “Ma’am? Can I come in?”

The woman opened her eyes. They were sharp eyes, warm and old, but with an intelligent sparkle. They looked like storm clouds.

“Dr Solanki, hello. How are—Oh,” the woman said, moving to sit up straighter she saw Adam. She propped herself up on her pillow. “You’re the one in for Dr Jack Sullivan? He told me he had to leave for Minnesota. Something about his sister?”

Adam nodded and offered his hand. The woman had a surprisingly firm grip. No. Not firm, strong. A President’s handshake. A football team captain’s handshake.

“I’m Dr Tartal,” Adam said, pushing a smile on to his face. He gestured to his clipboard. “I’ve been brought up to speed on your case—“

“Oh, it’s hopeless isn’t it?” The woman laughed gently at Adam’s inability to school his features fast enough. “Ah, I’m sorry, that was blunt. But I’m quite familiar with my disease and the odds, you see. It’s pretty hopeless. There’s not much to do.” She looked at Dr Solanki. “You’d agree, wouldn’t you, Dr Solanki?”

Dr Solanki smiled politely. Patient 114’s illness was not one with a full-stop cure, and they all knew it. It was a smile Adam knew well, a common shorthand for doctors everywhere— yes, for all practicality, but not technically. While medicine was a lot about practicality, patient care was about technicalities. And tact. “There are still many options for—“

“Dr Solanki doesn’t believe in death,” the woman told him. “She doesn’t believe in my death, specifically. There’s always more options for her.” She said it with a distinct fondness; she and Dr Solanki shared a small, familiar smile. “But, alright. I’ll look into your options, Dr Solanki. You have given me months more than my prognosis ever promised.”

Dr Solanki nodded. “The nurse was here to take the temperature earlier, I believe?”

“Yes, I was running a fever, but it broke.” She pointed to Adam. “This one is shaping up to be a good doctor? As good as Dr Sullivan?”

“Dr Tartal is one of our most promising residents,” Dr Solanki said. “You are in very good hands.” She inclined her head. “I’ll get you the relevant literature, and I’ll come in to explain the treatment plan. Have a good day, ma’am.”

“You too, Doctor,” the woman said. “Thank you for everything.”

Dr Solanki shook the woman’s hand, and then with a nod at Adam, she left the room. Adam gave his chart one last once-over and was just about to take his leave as well when the woman fell back with a weary sigh, blowing a strand of grey hair from her face.

“Dr Solanki,” she began, “is the very, very best. I quite literally owe her my life. But there is no hope.”

Adam didn’t say anything. This was the most difficult part of being a doctor, these conversations. No protocol, no training. It wasn’t so much about being a doctor in these moments than it was about being a human. And there was no school for that, no degree.

Good thing, though, Adam thought wryly. He was already drowning in student debt. He didn’t want to tempt Fate, or the American education system.

“I’m not sure if I’ll even make it through the night, to be honest,” the woman said. She closed her eyes. “Gods, I don’t want to die, but I really am so tired.”

Adam still didn’t say anything.

“I’m sorry for unloading this on you,” the woman said at last. “Dr Tartal was it?”

This at least Adam could formulate a response to. “Yes,” he said. “And it’s alright. I don’t mind.”

“My children are running late today,” the woman said. “Weekday, you know. It’s fine, really. I’m glad. They have their own lives, and I’m glad my constant nagging them about that fact has finally gone through their heads. They’ll be here later. But this sudden silence...it’s weird.” She let out a weak chuckle and opened her eyes. “I’ve grown so used to all their overwhelming love, I’ve become greedy. I’ve not been so lonely in a while. I don’t really remember how to be.”

A look inside. Adam had wondered.

“Can you keep me some company?” The woman said. “Of course, only if you aren’t busy. I get that as a doctor—“

“It’s okay,” Adam said. He could spare a moment. The woman reminded him of his grandmother in a way, and how lonely she’d been those final weeks, wasting away in a nursing home on the other side of the country. He drew a chair and sat down next to the bed. “Unless I get paged for an emergency, I can stay.”

“I cannot thank you enough,” the woman said. “I just—I do not want to be alone, now.” She sighed. “Really, I’m lucky,” she said. “Not many get the loving family I have. Believe me, I would know.”

“Is it just your children?” Adam asked. He felt the tips of his ears burn a second later. He was being too forward with this patient. He tried to backtrack. “I mean—“

“My husband passed away ten years ago,” the woman said. Her eyes held a glimmer of sadness, but mainly she seemed amused at Adam’s flustering. “It’s alright, Dr Tartal. I was the one who asked you to stay and keep me company.”

“Has it been terrible?”

“Sad,” she said, “yes. Painful. But we had seen too many of our friends die too early to not take each day for the gift it is. He was seventy. It was a long, good life.”

Adam nodded.

“We built something permanent in our time together,” she said firmly. She wasn’t talking to him now, not exactly. Her eyes were far away. Far away from this hospital room. Far away from now. “Something that will outlast us.”

“That’s—“ Adam struggled to find suitable words. This wasn’t unusual really—people were more willing to share their life stories at the end of their time. It didn’t really make it easier for Adam to react though. “That’s really good,” he finished lamely.

The woman didn’t seem to mind. She was silent for a few moments longer, eyes a million miles away, a million years away.

“Enough about me,” the woman said at last. “Let’s hear about you. You’re from New York?”

“Chicago actually,” Adam said. “Moved here last December.”

“And you like it here?”

“Hm. It’s…” A new start, Adam thought. A new place to call home. He’d worn out Chicago—Chicago with his parents who didn’t speak to each other, Chicago with his old school that had given him nothing to miss, his old hospital that had given him nothing to stay for, Chicago which was much, much bigger than him, but now felt like a glove that pinched his fingers when he wrestled it on, a place he’d outgrown and had to be left behind. “It’s happening,” he settled on. He let out a self-conscious laugh. “I mean, it’s New York. It’s happening. It’s cool.”

“Yeah, I bet. I’m not from New York originally either. But my husband was. Loved it with every fibre of his being. I do too. It’s where I found my home. My family.” The woman weaved her fingers together and looked down. When she looked up, she met his eyes with a tired, knowing expression. “It’s happening certainly. City of the gods, isn’t it?”

That was a strange way to put it, but Adam didn’t say anything. New Yorkers were fiercely and loudly proud of their city—city of the gods wasn’t really the most egotistical or absurd of claims, to be honest. More than a couple of his colleagues had called it “the greatest city in America”, a few even going as far as to say “the greatest city in the world”. Adam didn’t really have anything against the city, or in fact the claim, but he thought that was perhaps a little too bold and presumptuous of his friends, considering that hadn’t lived anywhere else.

“Forgive me if this question is too repetitive,” the woman said. She laughed. “Or too much of your classic “old grandmother you meet at a wedding” question. But I have to always ask, I’m so intrigued; medicine is a gruelling career. What made you choose it?”

A flash of green eyes. Sweet smile. A sob bursting forth as the mother went crashing to the floor, her husband’s arms reaching out to catch her even as tears slipped down his own face. Twelve years old written on a death certificate.

Gruelling was an understatement.

Adam himself wondered why he had chosen it some times.

At first it had been easy to explain—you said I’m going to be a doctor, and people didn’t interrogate you on the hows and whys. They congratulated you, clapped you on the back, went here’s a promising young man! A noble profession! Throughout med school he’d had his reasons, recited carefully to fortify himself during the hardest all-nighters: a good stable job, a way to help people, an interesting profession. It was a fascinating subject to study. It was a noble job, one that could save lives.

And then he had become a doctor. Those reasons shifted and changed, and some days it was worth it. Some days not so much. Everyday it was different.

Today it was this—to see that there were no more Cassies. No more signed death certificates for twelve year olds. No more mothers collapsing to their knees on hospital floors, no more fathers breaking down next to them.

It wasn’t a possible wish, a probable reason. You couldn’t wipe away every tear from every eye, and you could not save every sick child you treated.

It didn’t mean he could not try, however.

That was what it had become for Adam. Trying.

But he didn’t know how to put it in a way that felt impersonal, that didn’t feel naïve and corny, in a way that felt like he wasn’t unloading his deepest wishes on essentially a stranger. So instead he just tried to fix a grin and said, lightly, “Well, I had the scores. And I’ve always liked pushing myself.” This wasn’t the complete truth, but it wasn’t a lie either. And it was enough for a woman he had just met.

The woman seemed to accept the answer. She closed her eyes. “I guess that’s fair enough,” she said. “An ambitious young man.”

That was a way to put it.

“Do you believe in any afterlife?”

Adam shrugged, “Not really sure? Maybe not. My family’s never been big on religion, or God or anything, so that wasn’t really something I’ve thought about.” He paused. “I’m willing to be proved wrong though. After.”

The woman chuckled. “Yeah? Open mind.”

“It would be more interesting than total oblivion, that’s for sure. Do, uh, do you believe? In any afterlife?”

The woman’s hands were clasped tight in her lap. Her good humour seemed to have been replaced by a sudden and jarring sadness, but it didn’t rattle Adam as much as he would have thought. There was something else shining through the sadness, a quiet but ferocious hope that laced her words. “Yes,” she said. “The Underworld.”

Adam’s first thought was underground crime circle, exhilarating despite himself. It was surprising to imagine this woman as part of any crime ring, but it would make a good story for sure. Then he remembered the grainily illustrated “Greek Mythology For Kids!” he had had in his childhood, a birthday gift from a well-meaning aunt who lived too far away and visited far too rarely to get to know his real interests. Adam has only flipped through it once half-heartedly before it had been lost or torn or given away, but he remembered the crude sketch of a dark cavern. Hades it had said. Greek afterlife.

This was probably weirder than the crime ring. But he’d met people with weirder stories. Weirder dreams and hopes. So what if this sweet old woman believed in the Greek underworld? He wasn’t one to pass judgement on people’s beliefs.

And as the people here were fond of saying of the city’s eccentricity—this was New York, after all.

“Hades?” Adam asked.

The woman’s eyes brightened. “You’re familiar?”

“Not really,” Adam said. “But I’ve heard. We all learn Greek myths in school right? Like Icarus, the Orpheus guy…” It has just been a unit in History, to be honest, learnt alongside other cultural tales from around the world. But the woman was alert now. “Something about a cave? Or was it a pit?”

The woman’s face did something complicated, a shadow, a shutter. It was gone as quickly as it came, but some of the hollowness remained in her eyes. “The pit...you mean Tartarus. That’s—well that’s part of the Greek underworld for sure, but not all of it. It’s hell.”

Adam hadn’t signed up for an impromptu Greek mythology lesson, but he guessed he was here now. “Sounds dark.”

The woman didn’t answer.

This was getting weird. Adam hurried on quickly. “Well, if this Tar place is hell, where’s the...heaven? Heaven equivalent? Like, where do the good guys go?”

“Elysium,” The woman said, looking grateful for the sudden change in subject. “The Elysian Fields.”

“The Elysian Fields,” Adam repeated. It had a ring to it, he had to admit. “Sounds—um, very peaceful.”

The woman simply smiled.

“You must really love your colleague if you’re willing to cover their extra shifts.It being Christmas season and your residency and all that. You must be busy already.”

Adam tried not to frown at the woman’s words. It wasn’t like she was wrong—Adam did love his colleagues, they had been through a lot together. Jack was a good friend, his best if he had to pick. But also, it was just one shift. That wasn’t a blood pact. That was a decent thing to do.

Adam played it off with a forced laugh. “Yeah. Basically family.”

Another moment of abrupt silence.

“That’s an important promise to keep,” the woman said. “Family.”

Okay, now Adam really was confused. He loved his friends like family, but it had been—in all practical ways—a throwaway line.

Sure, it was the most common vein of conversation he’d heard from dying patients, especially the elderly ones. Unsolicited pieces of advice. Family is everything, one man had told him last year, and Adam had grit his teeth and nodded, even though the word family had brought him the memory of his mother crying at him on the phone about his father’s new girlfriend. Young kids like you don’t know how much family means till you start losing then. Well, sometimes people didn’t have them in the first place. Never give up on family. Never. That was advice that only worked if everyone followed it. Often, it was just one person dragging them onto a capsized lifeboat. Adam had dismissed most of the well-meaning advice. It was advice for happy, loving homes, for happy, loving families. Blood and water.

But as much as the woman’s words rankled him, there was a hint of something else, a sort of understanding, in her words. He didn’t think she meant family as in blood. As in parents.

Adam swallowed down the bad feeling and said pleasantly, “I’ll do my best.”

“Sometimes the best isn’t enough.” For some reason, the woman’s eyes looked watery. Oh no. Oh no. Adam didn’t know how to approach this.

Luckily, the woman blinked her eyes and the tear was gone. A trick of the light.

“You will keep your promise,” the woman told him, with a sort of finality. “I know that.”

She offered him her hand. Adam hesitated only a moment before taking it. It was a cold and calloused hand, smelling faintly of eucalyptus oil.

“I don’t think I have much time left,” the woman admitted. “I’ve lived a long life. Longer than I ever thought I would get. I hope I’ve lived a good one.”

Adam didn’t trust himself to speak.

In a day full of weird, slightly off comments from the woman, these were probably the most normal words she’d spoken. Yet, they unwound him like nothing else till then had. Adam had sat with patients as they had died, had comforted them in their worst moments. He had grown used to the losses, the way you grew used to other unbearable things—you were alive, and so you bore them, because there was nothing else to do.

This felt different. All deaths were sad, but something in the woman’s touch was familiar. This felt less like sadness and more like quiet devastation. It was a tilting feeling. He had not known this woman for even an hour.

He tried to keep his tone light. “So, the aim is to make it to these Elysian Fields?”

“There’s another part of this Underworld I didn’t tell you about. Isles of the Blest,” she said. “Rebirth. I think...I’ll try thrice.”

Despite himself, Adam felt himself smiling. “Overachiever.”

The woman’s smile was worn out. “But not yet. I want to meet some people first. I want to see my husband. I’ve missed him. More than—more than I thought ever possible, and I thought every possibility, believe me. I want to see some old friends.”

The hollow, slow devastation persisted. It wasn’t unbearable, because nothing truly was, but it was a burning in his stomach. A dull ache. This was not the worst thing to happen to him, this old stranger’s death, but he could feel a weight press on him anyway, a weight like lead on his shoulders, a weight like lead in his stomach.

He wasn’t sure what else to say, but it turned out that was alright, because the next moment the door flung open. “Mom? Hey, I’m sorry we’re late. We got caught up—“

“Grandma!” A small blur of blond hair flew past him in their hurry to jump into the woman’s arms. She obliged for her part, a beaming smile on her face as she lifted her granddaughter into her lap.

“Don’t trouble Grandma,” a young lady wearing a work shirt said, coming to stand by the bed. She caught sight of Adam and gave him a small, kindly smile. “Oh, are you the new doctor?”

“Yes,” Adam replied. He got to his feet. It seemed his use as company was done. He turned to the old woman and tried to smile as genuinely as he could. “It was nice acquainting myself with you, ma’am. I’ll see you tomorrow on rounds. Have a lovely day with your family.”

“Thank you, Dr Tartal,” the woman said. Her grey eyes looked luminous as she smiled, crinkled with laugh lines. “It was nice to see you again.”

It was a jarring second in a day full of jarring seconds, but for one moment he held her gaze, and she looked—familiar. It was only a moment, right before her attention was grabbed by her granddaughter tugging on her shoulder as she began to narrate an incident from her school, but it was a buffering moment. The woman looked quite young caught in it, grey eyes and greying blonde hair that curled like a princess’s and a smile that ached with familiarity. It was gone with a shift of the light.

Adam shook it out of his mind, the weird sense of déjà vu of meeting her eyes, but he couldn’t shake off the way she seemed to have tripped over his name on its way out from her mouth. The way she seemingly swapped some other name for Dr Tartal at the last minute, a last chance at catching herself.

He couldn’t shake off the way she had said nice to see you. The way she seemed to have been unable to catch herself tacking on that “again” to the end of it.

——

Two weeks later

Adam saw it in Jack’s walk. He saw it in the way Dr Solanki hurried past them into the bathroom, eyes red.

It was a strange sort of grief, mourning for a stranger essentially, but regardless, it hit him like a freight train.

“Oh,” Adam said, as Jack met his eyes and gave him a desolate shake of his head. “Oh, God. Man, I’m so sorry—“

“Thank you.” Jack’s voice was heavy. He sighed and came to join Adam at the nurse’s station in front of the OR Board. His friend closed his eyes. “Everyone knew—“ Jack cleared his throat. “We knew there was a risk. She knew there was a risk when she agreed to the surgery. Eighty years, it was always—“ He shook his head. “I have to go tell the family.”

Adam nodded. “Of course.” He clasped Jack’s shoulder as his mind wandered to the small blonde girl who’d been hefted into her grandma’s lap. The sizable entourage of visitors who trailed into Room 114 day after day. The eyes of the old woman, intelligent and alert as she held his hand on the shift he’d covered for Jack, the one day he’d spoken to her. A single hour.

A single hour with her had apparently been enough to make a mark on him.

Adam watched as Jack made the slow, lonely walk to the waiting room. Then he sighed, closed his eyes for a quick moment and went back to his chart. He had paperwork to finish, three patients left on his rounds to visit, and then the clinic. It was going to be a long day.

Thirty minutes later, he was well into his second pile of paperwork when there was a slight shuffle of feet. Adam looked up.

A young girl, maybe fifteen, sixteen, stood still in front of the OR board, electric blue eyes scanning the names. She had a silver jacket on, accessorised with buttons for bands that had lost relevance in Adam’s father’s time, bands that were now only listened to by edgy teenagers rediscovering “real” music and nostalgic old folks with YouTube accounts. Her hair was spiky, streaked blue and white.

The girl tore her eyes away from the OR board just as Adam opened his mouth to ask her if she was alright. She looked taken aback for a moment.

“Can I help you?” Adam asked.

“I’m Thalia Grace,” the girl said after a pause. “I’m looking for a woman in Room, uh—“ she put her hand in her pocket to pull out a hastily scribbled note. “Room 114? She had surgery today—“

“Oh.” Adam put his pen down. He could feel his chest constricting. Was this another granddaughter? “Oh. Um, Thalia—Thalia was it?—are your parents around? You may want to sit down fo this.”

“Oh gods,” Thalia said. “Oh gods, did—the surgery didn’t go well, did it?”

Adam didn’t have the details. “Look, I will be back with someone to explain it for you—“

“No, that’s—that’s fine, that’s…” Thalia looked like she’d been hit. “Are you sure it’s the patient in Room 114, her name—“

“Annabeth Chase passed away earlier this morning, I’m afraid,” Adam said. “There were complications in her surgery.”

Thalia seemed to wilt like a flower. No—not wilt. Sink.

“Let me get you to a place you can sit,” Adam said, moving to guide her to the waiting room. “Is there anything I can do for you? A glass of water? Can I call somebody for you?”

The girl shook her head, moving away. “No. No, it’s…” She blinked and looked up at him. “Time is weird,” she said, sounding much older than a teenager. “Time is weird. I always think I have so much more time than I do. I didn’t think—I didn’t think it would happen today.” She swallowed. She looked stunned. “It doesn’t—it doesn’t really ever get easier.”

Adam could understand very little of what the girl was saying, but he nodded anyway. “Okay. Alright.”

The girl was shaking like a leaf. Adam watched her for a few seconds before realising he had to get someone—preferably Dr Solanki or Jack—to talk to this girl about Mrs Chase. No, Mrs Jackson-Chase. That was what had been on her chart.

Eventually though, the girl stopped trembling. She looked at her feet for a long, long time before her head snapped up and found his eyes. It was a thousand yard stare. It went through him. It went through him and then all of a sudden, it was no longer going through him, but was instead very, very intense.

More staring. More silence.

Adam wasn’t wholly unused to the staring. He didn’t even mind it all that much now, to be honest, even though he hadn’t been a fan of it in middle school. He had unique eyes—pretty, his mother often had said. Heterochromia, a strange yet alluring variant which gave him one eye blue and one eye a hazel that looked gold in the right light. There wasn’t anything more interesting about his face apart from that; he looked like your average twenty-something year old, with his sandy blond hair and easy smile. The only other thing uncanny about his appearance was the odd birthmark that stretched out under his right eye—a dark jagged mark, somewhat a line. But it wasn’t very noticeable unless you knew to look for it.

“Everything alright?” Adam asked.

“Yeah,” Thalia said. She didn’t shift her gaze away. “Yeah—you just...you just remind me of an old friend, that’s all.”

[happikattwuzheere]

the one where gansey befriends a deer: the au

hey remember that time ronan dreamed up a deer that was described with language suspiciously similar to how adam’s described, because i sure do!!! anyway

OK.

ok. so. this au’s actually evolved a lot since its initial already-pretty-fleshed-out inception one sleepless night, so me talking about it’s gonna be more than one post, but here’s the first one well actually the second technically yesterday’s warmup doodles were also from this au but i didnt talk about it at all so

and I’m gonna start with more or less the same pitch I gave to a couple people on discord

SO. starting out: it’s standard fantasy times, vaguely medieval but no specific time period because I don’t care enough to be digging into that quite frankly, but it is somewhere in England where this is happening. Story starts with just Gansey, Ronan, and Noah. Fey are very real and known entities and there’s been a conflict in England between the fey and humans, if not in the whole country then at least in the lands that the Ganseys are the lords of but probably the whole island tbh, and Gansey’s not inherited the lands yet but he’s going to and wants to maybe find a peaceful resolution to the conflict. It’s not open warfare by any means but it’s been a big problem. 

To the effect of solving that, he heads to some little village that I haven’t named but it’s right next to a known fey forest called Cabeswater. This village has avoided being stomped by the local fey because, despite witches not being particularly liked by the nobility of the time, there’s a big old coven (the psychics of Fox Way, essentially) situated right by this village that’s kept things in check. Gansey’s made his excuses to his parents about why he’s officially going there but really he wants to talk to the witches and get a better grasp of the conflict from the people actually dealing with it.  He and Ronan set out from home together, pick up Noah along the way--who is not a ghost in this AU, he’s a fey who owes Gansey a life debt, that’s a whole other post and THIS post is mostly about gansey and adam--but anyway they get to this village and NOBODY gives gansey the time of day. 

the witches don’t let him into their house because they don’t like the nobility right back thanks and the next time he tries to visit Cabeswater won’t even let him get to the coven’s dwelling, the one witch’s daughter who regularly stops by the village for supplies and to check if anyone needs anything has a big argument with him the first time he talks to her so that’s going nowhere, and, well, the villagers are polite, but they clearly don’t take him seriously. He’s just the lordling playing at things and potentially meddling in their business to them.

So he starts hanging out just barely within Cabeswater, even though he knows that’s not wise, because he finds this perfect spot by a stream, and he’ll sit out there and think and work on the journal he keeps of all his thoughts and plans, and one day while he’s there has a straight up Disney princess experience when a deer stops by the stream and seems incredibly unafraid of him. he cherishes the experience but accepts that it probably won’t happen again.

and then it does. several times. gansey’s losing his mind. this deer??? apparently likes listening to him info dump?? it’s very therapeutic and also very magical and he’s amazed 

a few times in, he names the deer “Pryderi” after a character from a welsh legend, because “such a handsome creature deserves a princely name,” [[muffled blue laughing and whispering “princely” in the distance]], and he tells ronan and noah about this experience but ronan doesn’t believe him at ALL. 

one time after gansey’s particularly upset at how bad his attempts at getting along with the villagers, Pryderi actually lets Gansey touch him for the first time and gansey cannot shut up about it to ronan who’s finally like “i think you’re bullshitting me about this deer thing. im coming with you next time” and gansey’s like “well he’s a deer he might not show up if a stranger’s around and he doesn’t come every time i go down there anyway” and ronan’s like “this sounds like a lot of excuses, dick, you’re not making me believe you any more with this” and gansey’s like “>8\” 

but pryderi does show up, and gansey is delighted, and ronan stares really hard at him and then goes 

and gansey’s like what? nooo. but ronan keeps arguing it for the duration of the visit and the deer actually starts to look annoyed and at the end ganseys like ok maybe but i doubt it. and then hes like “well since you are a fey apparently (/sarcasm) i ought to say farewell with respect” and bows very mockingly and then the deer makes direct eye contact with ronan and bows back and gansey loses his shit

gansey continues meeting up with pryderi but even while his infodumping still happens it does so now with the knowledge that He Does Actually Understand What Im Saying, he may be a fey but he seems like a friendly one and hey that’s way more than gansey thought he would get out here, and also this deer is his friend now thanks, 

he, ronan, and noah (who’s amused by Pryderi but keeps his main thoughts to himself for now) make some excursions into cabeswater, but the thing is noah’s not really native to england, he’s from the european mainland, again i’ll get to it in another post sometime, but. he can sort of help navigate cabeswater but not all THAT well so they get lost a couple times, and every time it does happen pryderi shows up and helps guide them out. there’s some very funny moments of a very jealous ronan getting into weird conflict w/ a very smug deer 

anyWAY one day there’s like a festival, everyone’s drunk because its the middle ages and there’s not really a drinking age, gansey’s making another effort to make friends with anyone, and this one guy about his own age is like “ok look here i’ll teach you the folk dance everyone’s doing ok?” and gansey spends the night dancing w/ a handsome stranger, yes he will recognize the irony in the morning, but for now it goes. well badly because they’re both drunk but it’s fun, and then the guy says “ah, fuck it, i’ll finish teaching you next time we see each other” and gansey’s like “thats a little forward but ok!” and the guy (adam. its adam) panics and leaves while gansey’s back is turned and gansey doesn’t remember that last snippet of conversation the next day nor can he quite recall the stranger’s face. ronan does, because he was watching and not sure which of the two he was jealous of, but neither of them has any idea who the guy actually was. 

and then like, 3 days later, gansey falls asleep at the spot he usually hangs out in in cabeswater and wakes up in the early evening just in time to hear people yelling and for Pryderi to burst into view with an arrow in his flank. he collapses in a bush. gansey snaps into “protect friend” mode and gets the hunters off his trail by being all “oh a strange buck? i saw it pass that way over there friend!” and then when they’re gone he comes back and is all “alright pryderi they’re gone, let me just--” except pryderi’s not a deer anymore. it’s a boy. 

(Adam. its adam. the deer is adam.) 

gansey takes him home, gets the arrow out, noah’s like “i mean he’s not a fey, i dont know what turning into a deer is about but if he were fey the iron in that arrow would already have him dead. he might be partially fey but so little that he’s human in the ways that really matter”, over the next couple days they figure out that pryderi is in fact from the village and is a young man named adam parrish who’s been labelled a changeling and is assumed dead since he was yknow shot, gansey decides for now its probably best to keep him that way, but adam’s not getting better--apparently even having had the arrow in him as briefly as he did has poisoned him, he’s desperately ill and on the third day is finally like “get persephone” so gansey tries again (he’s tried several times over these days, they’d worked out that to have survived this long he must have someone else with a small degree of fey blood teaching him the ropes and the most likely suspects are the witches, but he’s hoping adam specifically asking him to will grant him permission enough to go in) and runs into a very frantic blue en route who as soon as he makes it clear he’s got adam is like “move your ass over on that horse im climbing on too” 

they get persephone, who turns into a fox rather than a deer, she saves adam, everythings cool except adam’s pissy now because he cant go back to the village and he has to give up on the attempts he had in the works to get out of town by working his way out and he takes it out on gansey who doesnt deserve it because this friendship is a mess, he’ll feel bad and take it back eventually but thats yet more posts ANYWAY YEAH theres our starting point 

(also worth noting: due to cabeswater being Right There,  p much everyone in this village actually has a small degree of fey blood, adam just won the genetic lottery) 

tl;dr adam’s a fey-blooded witch’s apprentice and he’s been the deer the whole time and thats the start of this au ty for coming to this ramble 

[popculturebuffet]

Tom and Jerry 2021 Review: It’s Almost Adequate!

Hello you happy people, and welcome to a surprise review! While this was on my schedule, I moved it out to make room for my new Patreon Sponsored review. Yes at the 5 dollar tier you too can get a review a month.. but enough shilling. Point is I had some thoughts on the film, and felt I could squeeze a review of it into the schedule since my review for yesterday, the 90′s Tom and Jerry movie, got canceled as I both had to finish up my tex avery birthday review and hadn’t noticed it wasn’t on HBO Max like I thought. I could’ve sworn it was once but not anymore. Gee it’s almost like they removed their overtly awful Tom and Jerry movie from the service so people woudln’t be reminded of it when they watched the mediocre  new one. Or it was never on there because HBO wants to bury that mistake in a hole. You make the call. 

Point is I had some room in my schedule, so if I can’t cover the 1990 movie this weekend, though I FULLY intend to still do that at some point as it still fascinates me, might as well cover the one everyone’s actually watching. So join me under the cut with spoilers to go into why this film is .. ehhhh. under the cut

Tom and Jerry follows, as you’d expect, our working boys up to their ass in shit, what is this buisness. In this case Tom literally rides in on a rail with his keyboard wanting to be a big musician one day, while Jerry is shopping around for a home but can’t find any in his bracket. The two end up fighting, as you’d expect, when Tom performs as a blind cat in a park, a great gag, and Jerry first steals his customers by dancing to his music, but then when Tom tries to stop him, not only exposes his scam, but gets Tom’s beloved Keyboard broken. 

In the process of Tom trying to get Jerry back for runing his day, Tom ruins the day of Kayla, a cynical young lady played by Chole Grace Moretz who like Robin in the last theatrical film, is a blonde girl who takes up way more screen time than our heroes for some reason. Tom accidently destroys the clothes she was sent to deliver, and she gets fired from her Task Rabbit esque job... despite the fact that TaskRabbit is app based, entirely built around how you do jobs for hire as needed, and that at most she’d get a bad review and that the app dosen’t actually hire people. I know this both because i’ve seen the apps and parodies of it show up on tv shows I watch, most recently Close Enough, and because I took the 2 minutes it took to google it , read some of the Wikipedia article and do the bare minimum that me, a paid only by commissions and patreons reviewer, did to prove a point, and that the writers of this film, who likely got paid at least 10000 for a rewrite, and more for whoever wrote the treatment, which is about 30,000 at lowest as told to me by this article on what screenwriters get paid I looked up solely to prove a point. So they got paid tens of thousands of dollars, probably more than standard... to not spend 5 minutes looking up what task rabbit is, becuase they wanted to give her a “hip” job instead of just having her work for a dry cleaner. Then again they got thousands upon thousands to half ass it and i’m getting paid nothing to go on a rant about how they half assed it, so maybe i’m the dumbass, I dunno, but at least I take pride in my work. And i’ve had trouble spellchecking at times so take that as you will. 

But so far the film is not bad: the slapstick is blended really well, the action is pitch perfect and our heroes are given good motivations: Kayla’s to find a job, Tom to play piano professionally and Jerry to find a proper home. You ready for some letdown?!

 All three of our heroes converge at the Royal Gate Hotel, a prestigious hotel that’s been host to popes, dignitaries and Drake. Jerry sneaks inside, and soon finds himself at home and making himself home, Tom TRIES to and ends up getting on the wrong side of Butch, the black cat from the shorts played in this film by reggaton performer Nicky Jam. Why they choose him over a comedian or anyone who could actually act, especially since Butch dosen’t have a musical number or anything, is a riddle for the ages. My best guest, as it always is, is that Tim Story owes him a Wookie-Style life debt. Not only that but even more bafflingly Butch’s gang, who to the films credit like him are all his gang of cats from the classic shorts, are played by Kevin Hart’s Improve Troop, The Plastic Cup Boyz. I got a preview for what passing a kidney stone’s going to feel like just typing that name. I thought I had no explanation for this, not even a wookie life debt can explain how Kevin Hart’s posse, because he has one for some reason but at least unlike Adam Sandler he’s helping his smaller named friends get big instead of just promoting guys who really shouldn’t have a career or dragging poor guys like Shaq or Terry Crews into your bullcrap because they like you., can explain how this happened. But I forgot I looked up Tim Story’s filmography when I first found out he was director here, more on him later, and found out he directed both Ride Along films, both think like a man films, and one of Kevin Hart’s specials, so the two presumably are friends or at least have a solid working relationship, and given how successful the first Ride Along was for both men, I doubt Tim would turn down a favor from him and vice versa. 

And while I find the Plastic Cup Boyz inclusion in this film bizzare and wish it was fellow comedy troupe and starkid adjacent wonderkinds the Tin Can Bros so I could get Joey Richter voicing an animated cat, they at least try their best, their just not given much to do and I don’t get casting them in these side rolls or not giving the butch role to one of them as Nicky Jam just sucks in the role. And I get Butch isn’t the most solid or complex character, but it still isn’t THAT hard, with the 80 drumloads of great comedians out there, to find SOMEONE better, and it’s weird Kevin Hart himself isn’t in the roll. If it wasn’t a wookie life debt i’m betting Hart was going to play Butch, had to back out due to scheduling conflicts or whatever, and Tim found the first guy he could who’d take almost nothing instead of an actual actor. 

Kayla meanwhile somehow takes herself from sympathetic to wholly unlikeable in the span of the scene by maniuplating and terrifying a poor woman into not taking the job, outright STEALING HER RESUME, meaning if she screwed up this might go on the poor woman’s record, and lying her way into the job. And if the woman had been you know a classist dick or something, i’d understand but this is a perfectly nice lady who worked really hard, and who looses out on a job because some little bitch talked her out of it and then stole her identity. This one act really just makes me not care: It’s one thing to do what you gotta to get a job, I myself have never lied on an application but I get new york’s insanely expensive. Even if she presumibly lives in a hole that’s cramped, has roaches or rats, who given this unvierse probably have tiny tv’s that are still way too loud and binge watch way too much Jersey Shore at 2 in the morning, and is probably haunted, probably by Droopy wearing a bedsheet going boo but still, and yes he’s also alive here but he has identical cousins. Not the point. Point is even if she has sympathetic motives.. what she did is not okay and when she get flashes of guilt throughtout hte film it’s never long enough to feel like it’s not her simply feeling bad she didn’t get this herself and not that she STOLE IT FROM ANOTHER PERSON. Again if she’d FAKED her resume, this would’ve been fine, simply set up some websites, and it would’ve worked so why they went with this elaborate setup that takes her into outright crimes is beyond me. 

Point is she gets hired by the manager/owner, Mr. Dubrois, played by Rob Delany, but since his name isn’t used enough i’m just going to call him Mustache Manager. Her direct superior whose against her being hired is Terrance, the Gate’s Event Manager played by a way too good for this film Micheal Pena, who sadly is given nothing to work with. Terrance.. is supposed to be the bad guy because he distrusts kayla. And while one of those reasons is stupid, she makes a joke about the goldfish being an aquatics manger and he takes it dead seriously, he’s rightfully supscious she’s not who she says she is, since one of the places on her resume is a place he knows people from. The only way the film manages to make him the bad guy is he is COMICALLY out of touch: he dosen’t get sarcasm, as seen before, dosen’t want people posting jerry to “snapgram or instaface”, and seems to have trouble relating to his guests. What makes this not work is that he’s manger at a ludicrously expensive hotel. As such a good chunk of his events would be for Celebrties, since New York’s a big hub for them, having tons living there and visiting for films, apperances on late night talk shows, SNL and what have you and being a prime spot for events and it’s clear part of his job is talking to the guests as the two the film focuses on, more on that in a minute, know him and have met him before. He also mentions Drake having stayed there... he would NOT have kept this job. 

You’d need to do through research on these kinds of celebrates and social media is the easiest way to do that, to get what they like, what they don’t, what they don’t want to talk about, what scandals or gos might be going on to keep paparazzi out. I don’t even know how this business works nor did I google it.. and I didn’t to prove a point.. that even with no real idea how this works.. I still get what you’d probably need to know to make events for rich famous people. I’m not convinced Terrance knows how an internet works.  And given writer Kevin Costello wrote the well received and weird film I still want to see Brigbsby Bear, I get the sense a lot of this nonsense was added in rewrites demanded by executives and credit him more for what works in the film. More on that in a moment. 

Kayla is hired on because the Royal Gate has it’s biggest event ever, the wedding of Ben, played by Colin Jost, and Preeta, played by Pallavi Sharda. Why is it big? What do they do exactly? Are they trust fund babies? Did Ben invent an app? Did Preeta cure global warming? Did they both help defeat Galactus DEVOURER OF WORLDS?!... I dont’ know. If the film told me at all why their big names, even if it’s just because their famous for being famous which would be fine, why this is bigger than a fucking pope visiting, I missed it and I actually went back to their first scene and the scene where Mustache Manager brings up the wedding in the first place to Kayla, and found nothing. We just know their rich, their getting married, Ben doesn’t listen to Preeta and is insufferable, and that they own two classic Tom and Jerry characters: Ben owns spike whose played by Bobby Canavale who isn’t bad but dosen’t try to sound like spike at all and that annoys me given unlike Tom and Jerry, the former of whom’s signature noises from the cartoon were used archivally and otherwise dosen’t talk and only sings on occasion or does that wonderfully weird “don’t you belivie it” thing., has a distinct voice they could’ve got someone to imitate. The other is Preeya’s cat toodles, that white cat Tom is always trying to bang, who got a neat less anthro redesign. 

Toots, Toodles whatever you call her the redesign works, making her more of a cat, and only speaking in meows for some reason, and combinging the two female cats tom’s liked, but while still being just funny animal enough that him wanting some pussy, so to speak, isn’t too creepy. 

And this is where the film undergoes a bit of a shift. While the 20 or so minutes are rightfully focused on our boys with a bit of focus on Kayla, from here on out she’s our defacto lead. Given the last film did the same damn thing of making Tom and Jerry not the main leads in their own movie, you can see the problem.  I will say to the film’s credit it is still LEAGUES better in a lot of other ways than the 90′s film in that the plot is actually centered around them: Jerry, when stealing some cheese, and runs afoul of the tempermental Chef Jackie played by Kim Jeong. Though i’m 100% not convinced Ben Chang didn’t just lie on his resume at some place and has now somehow become a michline star canditate. He finds Jerry, and Kayla volunteers to catch him to help her own career and validly points out her doing this discreetly with only the staff knowing about the mouse will keep it from becoming a social media nightmare. 

The 90′s film could work without them, replacing them with any animal sidekick for Robin, since nit’s so far removed from Tom and Jerry their really an afterthought. Here the film DOES feel like a tom and jerry plot at it’s core, Jerry’s somewhere he shoudln’t be, Tom wants to chase him either due to personal greivance or his job depending on it, in this case both. The small side cast are all involved, and given decent if thin justifications for being there: Butch is an ally cat and Spike and Tootles are the pets of the happy couple. 

And honestly the slapstick portions, the portions that are tom and jerry focused or use the humans well, are BRILLIANT. No really, it’s good stuff once in a while using a bit from the classics but mostly coming up with new gags and the animation is gorgeous. I won’t lie and say it’s always perfect, sometimes the models are a bit off and look unfinished and that’s not forgivable when you delay your film two months, and thus have extra time to work on that. But that’s a few shots here and there versus the majority of hte film where the various animals all blend perfectly. Unlike most Live Action adaptations of an old cartoon, this one actually seemed to have good reason, as they’ve taken the basic roger rabbit tech of decades ago and expanded on it well. Just like that classic you often wonder how the hell they pulled this off, and outside of one egregrous sequence where tom sets up an elaborate trap we spend far too much time on, when they do use CG for any props, you can’t tell. This is best highlighted by what I consdier to be the film’s best sequence and what brings Tom into the plot proper after lurking on the fringes for a good 15 minutes: Tom, miserable in the rain, finds jerry living it up in an empty room, and after some fun shenanigans trying to get in, finally succeds leading to a good 2-3 minute sequence of the two chasing after each other in the room. There are no actors, no one else and the room is empty, but perfectly gimmicked to time with thier movments. Wether they used cg and I couldn’t tell or just simply timed things great, it’s utterly fantastic and shows why this film is live action: while i’td be fine animated they cleary ahd the tech and ideas to do it live and thus did it this way. Naturally Kayla meets Tom again, and after finding out the room was trashed by both him and Jerry gets Mustache Manager to hire him. 

But this is the problem: While there are great set pieces like this, or a REALLY damn impressive one later where Terrance gets dragged into a ball of violence while walking Spike for Ben and we see INSIDE IT, with Terrance not moving as fast but that being okay. And I love the movie’s commitment that ALL animals are animated. So it has it’s charms and gets a LOT right.

It’s clear to me from this strong core that the script was messed with, either by director Tim Story or the execs. Some misguided and stupid bits I get even if it was a bad idea: Tom does do the piano at one point, after he thinks he’s gotten rid of Jerry thanks to again an unwieldy overly long bit of CGI that’s a down spot on the usually good just tom and jerry stuff. And he STARTS singing a 40′s jazz song, and I thought “Okay they really got this and are doing something like is you is or is you ain’t my baby this will be fun”. Then T-Pain started using autotune, because of course, and Tom’s shoulder devil started scratching next to him...

By the way Tom’s Shoulder Devil and Angel are played very well by Lil Rel Howrey , aka Rod from Get Out. So good on you man, one bit of non miscasting.  There’s one or two cringe inducing moment of trying to be hip here or there though for a film like this it isn’t nearly as bad as you’d expect. Still bad but i’ve seen so much worse at this point i’m not going to bother getting mad or upset over it. I’m used to this kind of thing from kids movies. 

But while the film dosen’t really lack Tom and Jerry, it sidelines them way too often> There’s just too many scenes  just about Kayla, whose not only not a great character despite Chole trying her absolute hardest god bless her. Her hitting it off with the bartender, her arguing with Terrance whose even more insufferable and her bonding with Preeta and Ben being annoying, we’ll get to him.. WE’LL GET TO HIM. But they aren’t funny or interesting, there’s nothing THERE to really get me interested, nothing new or fresh that we haven’t seen done better before. There’s just nothing, it feels like large parts of blank space. And to illustrate this my Niece, who I watched the film with and really loves Tom and Jerry after I showed it to her... played with other stuff during most of those scenes. And she’s young, her attention span is not great.. but noticably during the actual scenes of slapstick she was glued to the tv, just like she was when I showed her the classic shorts. It’s not just old farts like me who remember tom and jerry from their youth.. it’s the kids your TRYING to appeal to that don’t want this. If you can’t get kids, who in general and speaking from my own personal experience will watch just about anything, to pay attention YOU. HAVE. FAILED. 

Okay took a second to compose myself, let’s move on to the rest of the movie. So after T-Pain stabbed music in the throat, we get to the worst section of the film as Kayla brokers peace between the two to get Preeta’s ring back after the three end up in the aformnetioned violence ball with Terrance, who she ducks his claims that she didn’t catch the mouse.. which she did not but for once she’s sympathetic as Terrance is much more likeable either, though gaslighting him and getting him put on leave is a bit extreme. Bafflingly, Kayla gets his job as event cordinator for now, and thus has to broker peace between the two warring factions.. and does so in the strangest way possible: by booking a day for them in new york to hang out and be BUDDIES!. This isn’t bad as the last film as it dosen’t last, but it is just.. surreal seeing the two having a hanging out montage around new york. Like the film just took a really weird turn with this, the montage itself isn’t weird, it’s standard shenanigans minus the fighting but still good stuff. Unlike the 90′s movie instead of singing about being palls or helping a small child, they just get into cartoony shenanigans together. More proof the film could’ve been so much better just with them. 

Speaking of proof the film would’ve been better without them , Ben fucks around with a drone for the wedding, after Preeta confided in Kayla the wedding’s getting to be a bit much. So let’s talk about Ben shall we? While Preeta is just nice, friendly and down to earth, Ben... is a dumbass, a jackass and just an ass. His whole schtick is that he keeps escalting the wedding despite her wishing he’d stop, and i’ts just.. not funny. A guy ignoring his partner’s wishes, constnatly doing big gestures in large part to try and win over her dad who RIGHTFULLY hates, and in general just sucks. I do not blame this on Colin Jost: He’s perfectly charming on SNL, and Weekend Update is usually damn fun under him and Micheal Che. But like with Pena and Mortez, he’s given NOTHING to work with, and furthe rmore can’t improvise.. aka the skill most SNL cast and almnus walk away with. So it’s no suprise he instead comes off like an anoying plank of wood you want to see fall down a manhole and never return so Preeta can marry someone else. I dunno the Doorman’s a pretty cool guy, and if he’s taken or something there’s always Droopy. Droopy’s the smoothest motherfucker and we all know. And if HE’S taken there’s mustache man. The point is we have a Dating Game’s worth of elligble bachelors and the film tries to sell a plank of wood who clearly wants to bang Preeta’s dad more than he wants a genuine equal relationship with Preeta. 

So that dosen’t help the final act.. which is started with something REALLY weird to round off tom and jerry’s day as Tom catches a ball, interupts a play and get.s. thrown in the pound for it?

I don’t know how tha’ts a crime, I don’t get it either, point is the animal control guy is a creep who shows them off as they pass some angry dogs.. and.. 

MY BOY. There was an earlier joke with him taking the place of The Joker, and I thought that was it sadly but nope there he is! While, given they don’t really have much to do with each other, it is a tad weird he’s been grafted onto the tom and jerry legacy.. I really don’t care because it means Droopy gets to show up every so often in other stuff like this.. And hopefully the spinoff series coming in the summer. I”ve talked before about how much I love this dog so having him show up here was a HUGE delight and easily the higlihgt of the film and the gag is perfect. WHy is he in prison? I don’t know. But given who we’re dealing with I also assume he just disappeared later and showed up at the Wolf’s place again to get the evidence to clear his name and to help a young brodway hopeful played by Peyton R LIst get to her audition in time. And yes I just imagined another live action film with a classic character.. but admit it you’d rather be watching that one. They also run into butch who tries to force him to eat Jerry or they’ll kill him. 

Terence saw the arrest on the tv though, so he bails the two out, pits them against each other, and sets them loose at the wedding. This goes how you’d expect. the two cause chaos and thanks to Weekend UpDumbass there’s pecocks, tigers and elephants, and Jerry naturally spooks the elephants, Spike, who has it in for tom as usual, goes after tom the tiger goes after him and the wedding is destroyed. Preeta breaks up with Ben and leaves, and Kayla is fired.

Less good is that Tom gets thrown out because Terrance backed out on his deal because he’s a fucking asshole. So while Kayla gripes to her sorta loveintrest bartender man, and wishes she could fix things, T and J show up, both realizing it’s their fault and both with a plan to fix things leading to our climax. Kayla goes back to the hotel, and while Terrance tries to boject she rightfully blackmails him. Sadly neither get their commupance and while Mustache Manager puts two and two together, he’s all for ending this PR Nightmare and helping with Kayla’s plan to get ben to stage a wedding in central park that Preeta actually wants while our two actual heroes go to stop her and do some light kidnapping of toodles to get Preeta to stop. 

So it ends how you’d expect: Preeta makes a huge mistake, seriously Droopy go to their honemoon I guarantee Ben will wonder off into the ocean because he thought it looked sick bro, Kayla gets her job back and in a move that makes her almost tolerable hires the woman she stole from who Terrance clearly wants to bang, and Tom actually catches Toot’s eye, but then Jerry mucks it up because cockblocking tom has been his job since the 40′s, they fight, Kayla tells them to cut it out, they put an the end thing over it. Roll credits. 

As you could tell I had issues with this film and had more the more I thought about it. So it’s not very good.. but I still recommend watching it if you have Max right now. Yes really. While the human parts are pretty awful as you could tell, you can have some fun mocking them, and it’s worth suffering through them for the bits with our boys, as those bits are geneuinely energetic, fun and what you came for. If you like tom and Jerry, you probably won’t like this movie.. but you’ll enjoy those bits. Hopefully if there’s a sequel, and this film was a suprise hit so their probably will be, they’ll learn their lesson from this one and focus less on the humans and more on the hyjinks but overall this is just a medicore waste of some really great technology and slapstick. This is just one huge ball of dispaointment instead of cartoon violence and i’m sorry it ended this way.  If you liked this review, you can follow me on my patreon at patreon.com/popculturebuffet. Even 1 dollar a month helps and my next stretch goal nets a Darkwing Duck episode a month, so if that excites you, please sign up. And if you can’t afford to that’s fine and feel free to stick around anyway. Times are hard and I get that. And I will see you at the next rainbow. 

[chaoswillfallrpg]

SEVERUS SNAPE is TWENTY-TWO YEARS OLD and a POTIONEER in KNOCKTURN ALLEY at MR MULPEPPER’S APOTHECARY. He looks remarkably like VIVEIK KALRA and considers himself aligned with THE DEATH EATERS. He is currently TAKEN. 

→ OVERVIEW:

Bitter and arrogant, Severus Snape always thought of himself as the smartest person in the room. The only child born to Muggle, TOBIAS SNAPE and Witch, EILEEN PRINCE, he grew up in Spinner's End which was located at the poor end of Cokeworth. A curious boy, his thirst for information could not be quenched by the neighbouring children, but instead by the books piled high in every crevice of his small terraced house. Severus grew up alone, not because he was an only child but because that was the way he liked it. Thankful that he didn't have an annoying sibling following him around, he thrived by himself in his room. His mother pestered him constantly to go out and play with the children outside, but to her dismay he stayed put with his abnormally large nose in a book. Eventually she left him to it, much easier to allow the boy to stay in his room than to be under the feet of his father. Tobias Snape was a cold man, not one fit for fatherhood. What little time he spent at Spinner’s End was wasted in his armchair by the fire, taking no notice of his son and only acknowledging his wife when she did something worthy of a scolding. Severus grew to hate his father but was never bold enough to say it out loud. He kept it to himself, identifying further and further with the Prince side of his family rather than the Muggle side he grew to loathe year upon year. 

His father forced him to develop a growing disdain for Muggles and what he thought they represented. If they could be this cold and cruel towards their own kin, then what must they be like towards others? Severus enjoyed his sheltered life, not even realising what he was missing. Happy in his home-made solitude he spent his days in his room drinking in as much information as he could. To Severus, knowledge was power and he who yielded it correctly could do just about anything. His solitude ended however on the day he met LILY EVANS. Walking down the street on one unusually hot September afternoon, he spotted her walking home from the Muggle school just round the corner. Meeting Lily opened up his life to an entire world he had been missing, and he opened hers in turn. A Muggle-Born witch, Lily had no understanding of the Wizarding World, and Severus was more than happy to tell her all about it. Usually one to shy away from others, not having a high attention span for other people's lack of intelligence, Severus found Lily strangely enticing. Teaching her about the magical world and all it contained was the happiest he could be, as she sat in awe. Ever since that September afternoon the pair were inseparable, Severus would spend his days no longer in his room, but reading by the lake near Lily’s house while she was at school. They discussed magical creatures, wizarding politics and most of all Hogwarts. September 1st came around quickly and Severus boarded the train with his second-hand trunk filled with his second-hand books. 

Sorted into Slytherin, he watched from his table as Lily made her way towards her new house, Gryffindor. He sulked as he saw her make new friends who would become his biggest enemies in the years to follow. Dreams of the pair spending their Hogwarts years together quickly dwindling, Severus made friends or rather acquaintances with some fellow snakes he was to be sharing a dorm with. JASPER AVERY and LARKIN MULCIBER were friends from before Hogwarts, but were happy to welcome him into the fold if he matched their Pure-Blood ideals that had been handed down to them from their fathers. Taking this new chapter in his stride, he became close to the pair and got involved in their more light-hearted jesting of the other students. Only able to take them in small doses however he often found himself alone. He got a reprieve from the loneliness the following year when REGULUS BLACK joined Hogwarts and was sorted into Slytherin alongside him. A quiet and sullen boy much like himself, the pair got on exceptionally well, often reading in silence and discussing more intellectual subjects than Avery and Mulciber were seemingly capable of. What little time Severus wasn't spending with his nose in a book he would spend staring across to the Gryffindor table. He watched throughout the years as Lily made friends with the Marauders. JAMES POTTER, SIRIUS BLACK, REMUS LUPIN and PETER PETTIGREW slowly became famous at Hogwarts, shining in the foreground of Lily’s life while Severus felt himself slowly fade away from her life. 

What started as small glances here and there became an obsession with the boys who occupied Lily’s day and bitterly disliked him as he took up whatever little time she had left. James, the ringleader of the group despised Severus and encouraged his little minions to join him in the torment. James’ dislike for Severus however was nothing in comparison to the Slytherins' dislike of James; his arrogant egocentric personality made him an easy target for Severus’ disdain. Severus truly despised the boy due to his total and complete ability to capture the attention of Lily, who whenever he would glance over to the Gryffindor table almost seemed to be softening towards the scruffy-haired boys clear attention-seeking antics. His friendship with Lily had become strained over the years, both tried to keep it alive and thriving but the influences of their different friendship groups led to tension between the pair. Severus spent most of his free time investigating the group of misfit Gryffindors that were stealing his friend away, adamant they were hiding something, their cruel taunts, ‘Snivellus’ jokes and their closeness to a certain redhead only adding fuel to his fire. It all came to a head when a prank gone wrong masterminded by Sirius ended up with Severus owing a life debt to the one he despised the most, James Potter. He had followed the group one evening with a personal invite to do so by Black to find Lupin turning into a werewolf in front of his very eyes, a stag jumped between the pair and led the beast away. 

Severus later found out in PROFESSOR DUMBLEDORE’s office that the stag was none other than James in his animagus form when the headmaster was swearing him to secrecy about the matter. After the incident Severus tried to keep away from the Marauders and Lily consequently. The time he used to spend watching them he would now spend in a foggy potions room working on elixirs that were far beyond the capabilities of a normal Hogwarts student. He thrived in the subject, along with DADA and when it came to revising he would seek out Reg rather than Lily more and more. The last thread keeping their friendship alive was cut the day James Potter decided to use one of his own spells against him. Severus had a knack for inventing new spells, and the Levicorpus spell had taken Hogwarts by storm, not knowing he was the creator of the charm, James used it to humiliate Severus in front of Lily and his friends. On this occasion, like so many others, Lily defended the boy, still under the illusion he was her best friend even though they hardly spoke these days. Severus was not a boy who wanted to appear weak, he didn't like the idea of people thinking he couldn't defend himself, and so he took his annoyance out on the only person he truly cared for and before he could think the words ‘filthy mudblood’ were out of his mouth. The next thing he knew he was hanging upside down by his ankles from a tree and watched as Lily walked away from him and their friendship. After that Severus fell further into the crowd of Slytherins, following the path his housemates pathed for him, he and his friends would use the word ‘mudblood’ with much more frequency, so much so that it drew the attention of Larkin’s older brother who had a proposition for the trio. 

The three boys were introduced to THE DARK LORD, a man who had ideas about blood purity and what to do with mudbloods, fueled by his annoyance of the Marauders and Lily, and the fact it would seem Regulus was already part of the fold, Severus signed himself up to the cause. Severus finished Hogwarts with exceptional grades, the best potioneer PROFESSOR SLUGHORN had seen in all his years of teaching and fell in to working at Mr Mulpepper’s Apothecary as a potioneer. When not working at the shop, Severus is usually at The Death Eater headquaters meeting with his mentor of sorts LUCIUS MALFOY, a man he had heard of but never met before, Lucius guides and informs him of the needs of their leader. Through his job Severus was also reintroduced to a woman he knew from school, several years his senior, PATRICIA RAKEPICK was a curse breaker for Gringotts and had a specific interest in the subtle art of potions and so would frequent the shop several times a week. He had found the girl annoying and gaudy at school but had found his feelings about her confused since. His love/hate feelings for her intrigued him greatly and with each visit she made to the shop he became more aware of the spark between them. Scared that his interest had everything to do with the girls flaming red hair and fiery personality Severus was at a loss for how to proceed, especially in a world where he has to worry about his supposed unwavering loyalty to a cause and a man he does not quite know if he supports.

→ ADDITIONAL INFORMATION:

Blood Status → Half-Blood

Pronouns → He/Him

Identification → Cis Male 

Sexuality  → Greysexual

Relationship Status → Single

Previous Education →  Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry (Slytherin)

Family → N/A

Connections  → Lily Evans (object of affection), Patricia Rakepick (potential love interest), Regulus Black (close friend), Jasper Avery (close friend), Larkin Mulciber (close friend), Lucius Malfoy (mentor), Clarence Mullpepper (boss), James Potter (adversary), Sirius Black (adversary), Remus Lupin (adversary), Peter Pettigrew (adversary)

Future Information → Traitor to The Death Eaters, Eventual Member of The Order of the Phoenix

SEVERUS SNAPE IS A LEVEL 7 WIZARD.

[giveamadeuschohisownmovie]

Hypothetical plot outline for Guardians of the Galaxy 3

(spoiler warning for all past MCU movies)

For the sake of this post, let’s say the Guardians leave Thor fifteen minutes into “Love and Thunder”. Thor doesn’t appear in this movie at all. Taking place several months after “Endgame”, the Guardians are nowhere near close to finding Gamora. They’re in a bit of a slump. Not only do they have no leads, they lost their ship, the Benatar, to Wal Rus, an infamous mob boss who took the ship as payment for Rocket’s debt to him.

(there’s a minor subplot about Rocket’s past and how he used to do jobs for Wal Rus)

Without a ship and no leads, Peter Quill starts drinking heavily. The team considers disbanding but, much to everyone’s surprise, it’s Nebula who keeps everyone together by reminding each of them that Gamora is their family. Family doesn’t get left behind, all that jazz.

Their fortune starts to change when Mantis overhears gossip from a group of Ravagers. She learns that a mysterious being created by the Sovereign, known as Adam Warlock, was spotted in some galaxy quadrant hunting a “green-skinned woman”. Mantis relays the news to the team and they immediately make plans to track Adam down. 

However, their plans hit a major snag when Drax sees an advertisement for the Grandmaster’s contest of champions. The Grandmaster has a new champion named Moondragon, who Drax immediately recognizes as his daughter Kamaria. Somehow, she survived Thanos’ rampage but was taken from him and later sold to the Grandmaster. Drax wants to go to Sakaar and save his daughter but Peter says Gamora is more important.

The Guardians steal a Nova Corps ship in a thrilling action sequence and they head off to find their loved ones. Unbeknownst to them, Nova Corps rookie officer Richard Rider is still onboard. The team starts to argue over who they should save, leading to Mantis saying that they should split up. Peter hates the compromise but is forced to go through with it as Drax is headstrong in going after Moondragon.

So for the middle of the movie, the Guardians are split into two groups. Drax, Rocket Raccoon, Groot, and Mantis go to Sakaar to find Moondragon. Star Lord and Nebula go their own way to find Adam Warlock and Gamora. However, after splitting with the group, Richard Rider ambushes Peter and Nebula and tries to arrest them. They manage to fight him off but stop short of killing him. Thus, Richard becomes the unwilling third member of their group.

As this is happening, Alternate 2014 Gamora encounters Adam Warlock and they fight, with Adam winning. Before he could kill her, Adam realizes he doesn’t want to and is only fighting her because he was ordered by Ayesha and the Sovereign. Adam goes radio silent and takes Gamora to a remote planet where he nurses her back to health. The two don’t get along at first but as time goes by, they start to bond. 

Gamora teaches Adam about the universe and his purpose in life (since he’s newly born, he still has a child-like curiosity about the universe). At the same time, Adam helps Gamora cope with the fact that she’s time displaced and that another version of her died in this current timeline. There’s hints at their comic book romance but nothing concrete. 

On the other side of the universe, we learn that Kamaria / Moondragon was sold to the Grandmaster after spending years as a mercenary. She was taken from her father at a young age and passed around by several groups (Kree, Skrull, Ravagers, etc.). She became a hardened warrior due to this but longs to be reunited with her father, who she knows is alive due to his popularity as a member of the Guardians of the Galaxy. The Grandmaster despises her for not respecting him but no matter who he sends to kill her in the contest of champions, she always emerges victorious to the point where she’s developed a massive following (rivaling even the Hulk and Thor’s). 

Without getting into too much detail, here’s the middle of the movie:

1) Drax’s group lands on Sakaar and Drax willingly turns himself in to the Grandmaster’s forces. He’s placed in the ring with Moondragon and after a tearful reunion, she refuses to fight him. They are taken away to be executed. However, Mantis, Rocket, and Groot, with the help of the Sakaarians, break Drax and Moondragon out. They escape Sakaar but with the Grandmaster chasing after them. 

2) Peter’s group lands on Adam’s planet and after a hostile encounter, Gamora calms both sides down. Peter tries to sway Gamora back into rejoining the Guardians but Gamora says she isn’t the woman he’s looking for and that the Gamora he fell in love with died years ago. We get some nice bonding moments between Gamora, Nebula, Adam, Peter, and even Richard. This peace is ended when Ayesha and the Sovereign arrive, angry that Adam has gone rogue. Adam refuses to kill for the Sovereign and the five escape, with the Sovereign chasing after them.

With the Grandmaster on one side and Ayesha on the other, the Guardians meet at their “super secret rendezvous point which they should only go to in case they are extremely f-word” (Mantis came up with the name). The rendezvous point turns out to be Morag. Both groups arrive and each side introduces their new members. Drax introduces Moondragon while Peter and Gamora introduces Adam. Richard is forced to introduce himself by Nebula. 

The Guardians realize they can’t battle both the Grandmaster and Ayesha at the same time. Fearing that this is where they die, the team drink the night away, letting each other know what they think of each other. Drax is happy that he isn’t alone and that he’ll at least die at his daughter’s side. Peter confesses that he’s deeply in love with Gamora and was planning on marrying her before Thanos’ reign of terror. Adam says that although he lived a short life, at least he found his family before he died. Nebula, much to everyone’s surprise, is sad that she’ll die without knowing what it’s like to be in love. And so on.

To everyone’s surprise, it’s Richard Rider who comes up with a plan to save the group. When Peter asks why he’s helping them, Richard says, “The choice is either help you criminals out and live...or die at the hands of two power-hungry dictators. I think the choice is simple”. Richard tells the group what his plan is but we, the viewers, don’t hear it.

Climax time. The Guardians of the Galaxy confront both the Sovereign and the Grandmaster’s fleets. The fact that they are one ship versus thousands is emphasized. To Ayesha and the Grandmaster’s surprise, Moondragon is holding the Guardians (minus Peter and Gamora) hostage. She says that she wants to return to Sakaar. Grandmaster says he won’t accept her back and is only here to kill her and Drax. That’s when Moondragon says she is willing to turn over Adam Warlock to him.

During this time, Peter and Gamora, who had quietly flown off in an escape pod long before the encounter, stealthily fly into the Grandmaster’s fleet (Rocket made sure that their pod wouldn’t be detected). They sneak onboard one of the ships, leading to a tense sequence where they try avoid detection. 

Moondragon makes a sales pitch, saying that Adam Warlock is a handsome, powerful warrior who would be extremely popular in the contest of champions. He has the potential to surpass the Hulk in sheer popularity. When Grandmaster asks how much she wants, Moondragon says she’ll do it at no cost. Ayesha angrily demands that the Grandmaster refuse her offer and that Adam is her property. She points out that Moondragon is baiting him into attacking the Sovereign. Tensions rise and it’s unclear what one side will do. 

The tension is broken when Grandmaster says that there’ll be no deal and that he could tell that Moondragon was trying to bait him into attacking the Sovereign. Moondragon smirks and says, “What do you mean I was baiting you? We made this deal hours ago. You already said yes”. Ayesha furiously demands to know what she means by this and before the Grandmaster can refute her claims, Peter and Gamora hijack the ship they’re in and fire at the Sovereign fleet. 

All hell breaks loose when both the Grandmaster and the Sovereign fleet go to war with each other, with the Guardians of the Galaxy caught in the middle. Peter and Gamora escape and fly off to their ship, with Richard and Rocket piloting. The Guardians flee the battle scene, hoping that Ayesha and the Grandmaster will kill each other before they could turn their attention to the Guardians. The final battle is primarily a space battle with several awesome moments, such as;

1) Adam Warlock exiting the ship and unlocking his full potential, destroying a great deal of both enemy fleets

2) Mantis manning the turrets and gunning down several enemy ships

3) The ship is boarded by the Grandmaster’s forces, leading to a hallway battle sequence where Nebula, Moondragon, Drax, and Gamora kill all the raiders. 

4) The engine is damaged, leading to Rocket and Groot heroically going in to repair it, even though they’re told that the engine could explode at any minute.

The battle ends with Adam staying behind to make sure the Guardians escape. He leaves the ship and gives them a boost to the nearest jump point, much to Gamora’s horror. We get a tragic farewell as the Guardians escape and Adam crashes headfirst into Ayesha and Grandmaster’s ships, killing Ayesha and sending Grandmaster into a black hole. He is then seen floating aimlessly in space, knocked out from exerting so much energy. 

Several weeks later, Adam wakes up in a Nova Corps hospital with the Guardians by his side. They tell him that they recovered his body minutes after he took Ayesha and Grandmaster down and that he’s been in a coma for weeks. Adam asks why they came back for him and Drax says, “You’re family. Family sticks together”. Adam smiles at that.

As the movie wraps up, it’s revealed that the Guardians bought a new ship with money that Gamora had on her (Gamora says that she was doing a few jobs while she was out on her own). Gamora officially rejoins the group but she and Peter are back to being just friends, although there’s a hint that she’s falling back in love with him. Not wanting to lose his best friend, Adam joins the Guardians to follow Gamora, much to Peter’s chagrin. 

Nebula stays on and asks Richard Rider to stay. Richard says that although he would love to stay on, he has to rejoin the Nova Corps. However, if they ever need him, they know where to find him. How he leaves strongly implies that he’ll star in his own, Nova Corps spin-off movie.

Drax is the only one hesitant to rejoin the team. He wants to stay behind and bond with his daughter until it’s revealed Moondragon also wants to be a Guardian of the Galaxy. The two stay with the team. Movie ends with the Guardians of the Galaxy flying off for their next journey, Drax happy that he found his daughter, and the whole team happy that they found Gamora. 

MID-CREDITS SCENE: The Grandmaster’s ship exits the black hole. As he tries to figure out where he landed, he’s cornered by a different ship. Onboard, a mysterious figure scans the Grandmaster’s ship and discovers that he is from the 2020s. The mysterious figure demands that the Grandmaster be brought onboard his ship and in a dramatic turn to the camera, it’s revealed that he is Kang the Conqueror. The Grandmaster is in the same spot where the showdown with the Guardians took place but in the far future. 

POST-CREDITS SCENE: Drax accidentally walks in on Moondragon and Nebula having sex. He immediately shuts the door and walks away, horrified. 

[danfanciesphil]

too high (can’t come down) by @danfanciesphil

Suspending himself 7,000 feet above the rest of the world seems likely to be a sure-fire way for Dan to escape normality, and isolate himself for the foreseeable future. The Secret of the Alps, a small hotel tucked into the side of the Swiss mountains is too niche for most avid adventurers to have heard of, making it the perfect place for Dan to work as he sorts through his problems. Unfortunately, privacy is a coveted thing, and as Dan soon finds out, the hotel harbours one guest who values it more than most.

Rating: Explicit Tags: Enemies to lovers, snow, mountains, skiing, hostility, slow burn, secrecy, longing, repression, nobility, classism, cheating, eventual sex

Ao3 Link

Chapter One Chapter Two Chapter Three Chapter Four Chapter Five Chapter Six Chapter Seven Chapter Eight Chapter Nine Chapter Ten Chapter Eleven Chapter Twelve Chapter Thirteen

Chapter Fourteen

Mona looks up from the desk as Dan walks through the door; he’d been hoping to avoid her, but quickly adjusts his expression into the neutral one he’s been subtly practicing on the long walk back to the hotel. Phil is a step behind him, and as they cross the threshold, Dan ensures there is a reasonable distance between them as they make their way over the lobby towards her. Phil must be aiming that disarmingly brilliant smile at her, because she’s wearing a stunned expression like she had earlier.

“You’re back,” she says, standing from her chair. “Was it all…” Her dark eyes flick between the two men. “...okay?”

“Not sure whether Dan has a future career as a navigator, but he did well enough,” Phil replies smoothly. He begins shrugging off his coat, and Mona practically leaps out from behind the desk to take it from him. “Thanks,” he says to her, which again must be a rarity, judging by her startled responding stare. “Think I’m gonna hit the gym,” Phil says, the epitome of cool and casual in contrast to Dan, who is a perpetual rattling bone-bag of nerves. He spins to face Dan, tossing him the briefest of glances. “Thanks for that, Dan,” he says; if there’s a hidden meaning in those words, only Dan could ever know it was there. “See you later.”

He turns away again, as if they’re no more than mere, forced acquaintances. Dan nods wordlessly at Phil’s disappearing back, knowing that if he tried to match Phil’s nonchalance verbally he’d likely end up blurting that they just became the newest Mile High Club members to poor, unsuspecting Mona. Phil heads for the stairs, and Dan forces himself not to watch him go. Instead, he focuses on removing his own jacket.

|Unfortunately, almost the second Phil is out of earshot, Mona pounces on him, eyes wide and curious. “Was that truly awful? I’m so sorry, Dan, when I gave you the day off I’d no idea that he’d ask you to-”

“It’s okay,” Dan assures her, “it, uh, wasn’t that bad.”

Mona’s forehead creases beneath her fringe. “But you’re still not fond of him, I take it?”

Dan clears his throat, avoiding her eye. All he can think about is the sight of Phil on his knees in the cockpit, eyes glazed, lips stretched around him.

“Oh no,” Dan croaks in the least convincing voice he’s ever heard leave his throat, “he’s still a wanker.”

Mona, mercifully, doesn’t seem to notice the false note in Dan’s voice. Her mind’s probably still on other things. It occurs to Dan that he hasn’t properly asked about her time away, and feels guilty.

“Might want to avoid slating the guests quite so loudly,” Mona replies, trit-trotting across the lobby to hang up Phil’s coat. “As it’s your day off I suppose I can let it slide. You’re a free citizen today.”

“Mona,” Dan starts, ferreting about for the right words to say, “I just wanted to say - I’m really sorry. About your grandmother.”

She stops, hands still on the coat as she hangs it on the rack. She turns to face him slowly, a sad smile trickling across her face. “Thank you, Dan.”

An awkwardness descends upon the empty lobby; Dan has never known what to say in situations like these, and if the silence stretches on much longer, he’ll likely just shove his foot right in the middle of it. Luckily, Mona is much better at this kind of thing than him. She smooths down her skirt, then heads back for the desk in a clear ‘time to move on’ action.

“Off you go, then,” she says briskly, at once the manager again. “Plenty of the day left to spend without forced quality time with your nemesis.”

Dan's responding smile is both grateful and likely reeking of admiration for her professionalism; he hopes she can see that. He nods at her, and heads for the mezzanine stairs.

*

It’s just after one o’clock, and Dan’s lurking outside the gym, trying to make a mental list of reasons not to go inside. So far he’s got: 

1. Phil might accidentally hit him again. 

2. Phil might not-accidentally hit him again. (Sure, he didn’t seem pissed off with Dan when he had his mouth around his cock, but Phil’s got the temperament of a bitch on heat - who knows if something or someone has triggered another bout of moodiness). 

3. Someone else might be in there. (As Dan is quite obviously the least likely person to go into a gym willingly, it might be a bit difficult to explain what he’s doing there to anyone else).

And that’s it. He’s spent the last half hour in the kitchen, receiving a grilling so thorough from Louise that he feels a bit like the toast she’d made for him. She’d pelted questions at him about the flight, so invasive that Dan almost felt like she’d somehow been there, watching through a camera in the cockpit, and was subsequently trying to catch him out.

“How many engines did it have?”

“Did you land smoothly?”

“What colour were the seats?”

“How fast did you go?”

“Was there turbulence?”

“What did you talk about?”

On and on and on. Dan never had to lie to her exactly, but in omitting the most significant part of the trip, he created an air of secrecy, he’s sure. So, he’d wolfed the toast and tea down as fast as possible, then scarpered. Of course, there aren’t many places to scarper to in this small hotel, so Dan had gone up to his room for a while. This turned out to be a bad idea, as being on his own meant that he was free to loop the sensation of Phil’s mouth on him over and over, until he was so horny he could barely think straight. 

To make it worse, he’s all too aware of that ‘debt’ he owes Phil. It presses deeply into the walls of his brain, whispering insistently into his eardrum, detailing all the many ways he might repay that debt, and urging him to do it sooner rather than later. 

So now, riled up from being isolated for a few hours with his own randy brain, Dan has - probably ill-advisedly - come downstairs to find the person who put him in this position, in the hopes of… well. He’s not going in with any pre-existing expectations. There’s a fifty-fifty chance that Phil will have flipped into dick-mode again and will sock Dan in the jaw before he can so much as lay a finger on him.

With a sigh at his own weak-will, Dan mentally flushes his list of reasons not to, and pushes open the gym door; he’s sort of been willing Mona or a guest to round the corner and discover him, force him to turn tail and relax into a non-incriminating activity elsewhere. But no such luck. 

Phil is lifting weights, sat on a bench, one arm curling upwards as he pulls the barbell towards him. He’s got headphones in, and his forehead is furrowed in concentration. He finishes his set and places the barbell down carefully, flexing his fingers. He gets up, oblivious to Dan watching from the doorway, and goes to retrieve his towel, slung over a chair near the mirrors.

His back is to Dan now, but his front is visible in the mirror, allowing Dan to surreptitiously study every inch of him. His white shirt is practically sopping, clinging to his spine and chest. He’s been raking fingers through his hair, perhaps to keep it out of his eyes, and it’s so damp it’s stayed in position, slicked back like he’s one of the T-Birds.

He passes the towel over his face, murmuring along to whatever song he’s listening to. Heat crawls over Dan’s skin as if he’d been working out right alongside Phil, though of course that thought is laughable. He knows he should make a sound, alert Phil to the fact he’s here, watching, but he wants a few moments longer to just…. look. So often Phil will make some sarcastic, wanky remark that cuts through the atmosphere and ruins everything. When he’s quiet, he’s gorgeous, and nothing spoils it.

Before Dan can make a decision about whether to intrude, Phil reaches for the hem of his t-shirt, and lifts it off completely. His torso is shiny with perspiration, lean and toned. It’s not a six-pack reveal, just delicious, firm muscle coating every inch of his chest and back. Dan lets out a breathy noise, feeling a zip of pure lust whip through him. Luckily, Phil is still ignorant to his presence, airpods in.

But Dan is unable to remain still any longer. He treads further into the gym, letting the door swing shut behind him. It makes enough of a sound to have Phil looking up, catching Dan’s eye in the mirror. He throws the towel to the floor, the hint of a smile gracing his lips. He pulls one airpod out of his ear, then the other, putting them in his shorts pocket.  

“Spying on me?”

Dan can feel his heart picking up speed as the tense, sharp atmosphere settles around them. The air smells like sweat and rubber; Dan imagines he can taste Phil on his tongue, rushing into his lungs with every breath he takes. He inches closer, not really aware of telling his feet to move.

“Maybe I wanna work out,” Dan replies shyly. He notes that despite the fact Phil clearly has a change of clothes in his gym bag in the corner, he’s making no move to re-dress.

Phil’s mouth twitches. “Need a spotter?” He reaches for his water bottle, the fluorescent light rippling over his damp shoulders. “Someone to stretch you out, maybe?”

He lifts the water bottle to his lips and drinks; Dan’s never thought of Adams apples being particularly attractive, but realises now, watching Phil’s bob up and down the length of his long, bristled throat, how mistaken he’s been. He licks his lips, suddenly parched.

“You know you said, earlier,” Dan says, the sight of Phil this way already loosening his tongue. He imagines his pupils are dilated, blown into black holes by the pheromones he can feel misting from Phil’s skin. “That you’d let me decide when to…” he’s inched his way into Phil’s personal bubble now, which he’d never normally do so boldly, but he can’t seem to make his feet behave. “When to repay you?”

He can feel his own flush, creeping across his cheeks, down his neck, but he ignores it, hoping Phil doesn’t mistake it for nerves. His hand reaches up without permission, pressing the pads of his fingers to Phil’s bare chest. Amusedly, Phil’s gaze drops to the place their skin meets, then lifts it back to Dan’s.

“I think I vaguely recall,” Phil says; if Dan’s not mistaken, there’s a faint blush skimming his cheeks as well, though there’s no way to know if that’s from exercise. “You want to… go upstairs? I can meet you in your room-”

“No,” Dan interrupts, a bit too loudly. His hand slides up Phil’s chest, over his shoulder. It’s damp and unnaturally warm. “Too far away. Too many obstacles.”

He pushes insistently against Phil’s chest, making him take a step backwards, until he’s against the mirror. “Dan,” Phil says, chuckling, “I’m all sweaty, let me at least-”

But Dan can’t take a second more of waiting. He leans in to push his lips against the acres of exposed skin in front of him, right above where Phil’s heart pounds. He can feel the reverberations of its rhythm beneath Phil’s sinew and bone; it’s electrifying.

“Oh, I see,” Phil purrs, much lower, hands coming up to skim over Dan’s arms, “you like it.”

Dan pauses, looking up at him. He feels caught out, exposed, like Phil’s suddenly revealed he’s a furry or something. He tries to look like the idea is absurd, that he’s completely in control of himself, but Phil’s smile has turned wolfish, poised to pounce on the vulnerable area he’s revealed.

“D’you like it when I’m all hot and sweaty, Dan?”

Dan’s stomach tightens, and he feels his erection stiffening beneath his jeans. He wishes he weren’t so easily affected by this wanker and his precision-bladed words, but it’s useless to pretend. 

“Maybe,” he allows himself to say, the admission rippling a wave of heat over his body, deepening the blush no doubt. To distract himself from his own embarrassment, Dan smooths his hands down through Phil’s thin pelt of chest hair, then leans in again, this time to bury his face in the crook of Phil’s neck. It makes Phil jump ever so slightly, evidently not expecting it. “You just smell so good,” Dan whispers, eyelids fluttering in pleasure as he breathes in - it smells like sex, if he’s honest, but a headier, sweeter, richer kind. He’s never felt so affected by scent before, like it’s dispersed in the air around him, like it’s on his tongue, filling his lungs. He imagines clouds of it permeating his brain, puffing up wild thoughts, making him want to shove his hand into Phil’s shorts and drive him to ecstasy. “Let me-”

He cuts himself off, licking up Phil’s neck, one hand reaching up to burrow into Phil’s hair. He’d been right, it’s almost wet from perspiration, staying in whatever position Dan scrunches it into. Phil’s neck tastes of salt, and something sweetly-sour but delicious, so Dan licks again, from collarbone to ear, and Phil groans.

It’s the best sound Dan has ever heard. Phil’s hands are on Dan’s hips, pulling him closer, allowing Dan to feel how hard he is through the thin material of his shorts. Dan pushes into it, lets their groins align and skim against each other, sparks of pleasure firing through him. Dan drags his mouth over Phil’s throat, letting the faint stubble scratch over his chin, and then he bites down, right where shoulder meets neck, into a thick squeeze of tight muscle. Phil moans again, a hand bracing the back of Dan’s head.

“Dan, wait, don’t- ah fuck-”

Not listening, Dan continues to bite, to suck, to lave his tongue over the spot he’s chosen, imagining the bruise he’ll leave there, and how it will remain, violet and crimson, on display for everyone. Phil whimpers, his other hand slipping round to grab at Dan’s ass, to pull their crotches together even more.

It’s then that the unmistakable sound of voices are audible, getting closer, and Phil pushes Dan backwards, perhaps with a little more force than necessary, Dan can’t help but think. He stumbles, steadying himself on the punching bag, breathing hard. Both of them look towards the door, terrified, and Phil grabs for his gym bag, pulling out a clean t-shirt. Dan only has time to wipe his mouth, then stick a hand in his pocket to try and hide his erection, before the door swings open, and in walks Mona with three strangers.

“And this is our gym as you can see- oh! Mr Novokoric, I’m sorry I-” She stops, catching sight of Dan, bright red and breathing hard, trying and probably failing  to act nonchalant as he leans against the wall. “Dan. What are you doing here?”

“Oh, um, j-just, um-”

The end of his sentence avoids his grasp, so Dan is more than grateful when Phil jumps in to save him. “I asked Dan to help me train,” Phil says - thankfully, the breathlessness of his voice could easily be attributed to strenuous physical activity. “To time me, and check my technique and, uh, that kind of thing. Had him do a few exercises too, as you can see.”

He laughs, slightly off-kilter; Dan tries not to look at Phil, sure that if he did, Mona would see the lust in his eyes. Mona seems to buy the excuse anyway, as she turns back to the three strangers at her rear, smiling. “Dan is our concierge, and Mr Novokoric is one of our guests.” She turns to Dan and Phil. “The Fitzgerald family arrived just a moment ago. They won a three-night stay here through a competition arranged by our British booking agency, isn’t that lovely?”

Something about the way she says it seems tense, as if it’s the least lovely thing she could imagine. In another circumstance, Dan might find this amusing.

“Nice to meet you,” Dan manages to blurt, lifting his hand in a wave.

“Yeah,” Phil agrees, “pleasure.”

“Don’t I know you from somewhere?” asks the middle-aged ginger woman, presumably Mrs Fitzgerald, who is dressed in pink floral thermals.

Phil swallows, ducking his head. “Uh, not that I know of-”

“Oh my God, you’re that Prince’s feller, aren’t you?”

Nausea creeps up Dan’s throat, sensing Phil’s discomfort. To his credit, Phil sends the woman a charming smile, then nods. “I suppose I am.”

“Blimey, mate,” huffs the balding, crooked-toothed man beside her, stepping closer towards Phil as if he’s after a better look, “bloody mad what you did the other day, weren’t it? Bet that didn’t go down too well with your hubby!”

Phil’s cheeks redden, and he looks to Mona for help. She jumps to attention, obviously incensed at the audacity of these people. Dan has half a mind to yell at them himself for daring to bring up such an obviously touchy subject with someone they’ve only just met - luckily, Mona gets there first.

“Excuse me Mr Fitzgerald, but I rather think we should leave Mr Novokoric to his training now, if you’ll just follow me…” she begins ushering them gently but firmly back through the door. The third stranger, a girl of about sixteen with fading blue streaks in her hair, stares wide-eyed at Phil as she’s hurried back out of the gym. Mona, the last one to leave, mouths ‘sorry’ at Phil, guiltily, and then pulls the door shut behind her.

Phil’s hand falls from his neck, where he’d been covering what Dan now sees is a bright, and extremely obvious hickey. “Shit,” Dan says, stepping closer to look. Phil takes a hasty step backwards then, so Dan pauses, unsure. “Are you okay?”

Phil shakes his head, contrasting with his quick answer of, “fine.”

“I’m sure Mona will have a word with them about not bothering you-”

“Yeah, I’m sure,” Phil interrupts tersely. He starts packing things into his gym bag, then pulls his phone out of one of the zipper pockets. “Fuck’s sake,” he mutters. “Can’t I ever get a break?”

Dan doesn’t need to ask who’s been texting and calling him. “I shouldn’t have, like, tried to- y’know.” Dan blushes, once again an animé schoolgirl, flustered in front of her Senpai. “With you, in here of all places. I’m only making things worse for you. More stressful. If we’d been caught-”

“Hm?” Dan notices belatedly that Phil is barely listening, too engrossed in his phone. He glances up, catching Dan’s eye briefly. “Forget it. My fault too.” He pockets the phone with a deep sigh, then hitches his gym bag onto his shoulder. “I’ve gotta go shower. I’ll catch you later.”

*

For the fourth time in under five minutes, Dan switches the channel, landing on something resembling a soap, in Swiss French. A couple are fighting, pummelling each other with gentle fists, which quickly descends into a furious, passionate make out session. Irritable, Dan changes the channel again.

In the next moment, Mona is snatching the remote out of his hand. “I want you to have an enjoyable day off, Dan, but there is a limit. Other people tend to prefer watching more than a few snatched seconds of a programme at a time.”

Guiltily, Dan turns to see that he’s not the only one in the lounge; he’s somehow blocked out the sight of the three Fitzgeralds sat crossly behind him at a table. Dan sighs, struggling out of the beanbag chair.

“Sorry,” he says, smiling sheepishly at the Fitzgerald family. “Didn’t think anyone else was here.”

“What’s the matter?” Mona asks quietly, walking beside him as he ambles towards the kitchen, hoping to beg some snacks off Louise. “Are you in a mood because Mr Novokoric made you help him with his training?”

More like because that ‘training’ came to an abrupt and frustrating end, Dan thinks privately, but nods anyway at Mona. He can’t think of a different excuse. “Yeah. It’s okay though, I’m just grumpy. I’ll go wallow in my room so I don’t disturb the other guests.”

He leans through the serving hatch to peer about for Louise. She’s knelt on the floor in front of the freezer, rifling through the drawer for something. 

Mona thumps Dan on the back and calls out, “Lou, get this boy something fruity and alcoholic, please.”

Dan turns to her, surprised. “It’s five-thirty.”

“And, for the hundredth time, it’s your day off. Relax. Go read a book. Listen to loud music. Heck, go in the hot tub. And for God’s sake, have a drink so you’ll stop moping about.”

She gives him one last warning look before bustling off, leaving Dan alone at the serving hatch to watch Louise prepare some sort of cocktail. “Oooh, what about a tequila sunrise?” she asks, sounding so excited by the prospect that Dan hasn’t the heart to refuse her. 

“Sure,” he replies, surrendering.

“Sounds good,” a second voice says from somewhere behind Dan, and then Phil is next to him, still tapping at his phone, “I’ll take one of those too, please Lou.”

Dan’s eyes bore into the side of Phil’s face, but he doesn’t look up from his phone screen. He flicks a glance at Lou, who has her back turned to both of them, pouring measures of various liquids into a cocktail shaker.

“Good shower?” Dan asks; it comes out a bit more spiky than he means it to.

Phil’s mouth twitches, but he still doesn’t look up from his phone, the asshole. “Something wrong?”

“Nope,” Dan replies tightly, fingers drumming on the counter of the serving hatch. “You just focus on texting your doting husband back.”

Phil lowers his phone, turning to face Dan. He’s wearing that irritating, amused little smile again, the one that Dan could honestly punch him in the nose for. “You’re mad at me.”

Dan rolls his eyes. “When am I not?”

“Funny, considering I’m the one who’s been blue-balled twice today,” Phil points out, quite rightly. Dan pinkens, eyes darting to Louise, who mercifully is still way across the kitchen, out of earshot. “What exactly do you have to be annoyed about?”

“I- I’m just- we were in the middle of…” Dan watches Louise carefully, lowering his voice even further. “Stuff. And you just…”

Louise begins walking over, two tall glasses in her hands, each containing a gradient of liquid in orange and red. She’s given them a paper straw each, a slice of orange, and even one of those little paper umbrellas.

“There we are boys, two tequila-” she breaks off, smile slipping. Her eyes are trained on Phil, who doesn’t seem to have noticed, too busy taking the drink from her, looking pleased.

He plucks out his umbrella so he doesn’t poke himself in the eye, then takes a long sip through the straw. “Unngh, delicious Lou. I didn’t know you could make cocktails.”

Dan watches Louise worriedly as he takes his own drink, heart pumping harder as her lips purse, her eyes harden. She’s seen something, Dan’s sure of it, and he dreads to think what kind of incriminating thing Phil has done to make her so-

And then, in an instant, Dan remembers. “Shit,” he whispers, without meaning to, and Louise turns the full force of her glare onto him.

Phil, totally oblivious beside him, turns back to his phone screen, beginning to back away. “Thanks. See you later, then.” 

Before he leaves, he aims a final smirk at Dan, then tucks the little lime green umbrella behind Dan’s ear, winking. Honestly, he could not have picked a worse moment to do something so uncharacteristically flirtatious. Dan winces, trying desperately to think of some excuse that Louise might buy, but the words evade him, as they always do. 

Nevertheless, he tries: “Before you say anything-”

“What was the purpling monstrosity on that married man’s neck, Daniel?!”

Dan cringes from her anger. “Um, he fell?”

“Neck-first? Onto your mouth?”

Dan blushes, sipping the drink just for some way to avoid her eye. “It’s not that bad,” he tries, shrugging as if he truly believes it, “it’s just a little hickey.”

“You really think I’m dumb, don’t you,” Louise scoffs, then leans through the serving hatch to smack him on the back of the head.

“Ow!” Dan shrieks, spluttering on a mouthful of tequila sunrise. “Lou, for Christ’s sake, I don’t think you’re dumb!”

“Then stop lying to me.”

“Okay, okay, jeez!”

Louise’s attention is momentarily pulled away, to somewhere beyond Dan, so he turns, meeting the shocked expressions of the Fitzgerald party, intently watching their squabble. Louise gives them a gap-toothed grin, then says, under her breath, “get in here now, Casanova.”

Reluctantly, Dan does as he’s told. He makes sure to take a large mouthful of the drink before stepping through the kitchen door, to prepare himself for Louise’s telling off. He stays near the door even so, poised to escape if she starts threatening violence.

“I don’t know what to tell you, okay?” Dan says in a quieter voice, “I don’t even understand what’s going on between us-”

“So there is something going on?” Louise presses, arms crossed over her chest.

Dan hesitates, sipping more drink, then nods. There’s no point in trying to hide it any longer, she’s too suspicious, and besides Dan’s going mad not being able to talk about it with anyone. Phil is utterly infuriating, and confusing, and so hot that Dan can’t think straight. He needs a confidante, and with his limited options, he’s happy to have Louise over Mona or Kaspar.

“Jesus, Dan,” Louise says, falling against a nearby counter. She removes her chef hat, fanning herself with it. “I’ll give you this - things have never been so exciting up here, and that’s entirely thanks to you.”

“You’re not mad?” Dan asks timidly, sucking delicious juicy tequila through his straw.

Louise turns to him, wide-eyed. “Oh, I’m furious. This is completely reckless, and incredibly dangerous - you’d be better off snogging a mountain lion, honestly. What are you thinking?”

“I don’t think I am,” Dan admits, sipping, “thinking, that is. He makes me so… mad. We whip each other up into a frenzy and then it’s like all sense flies out the window.”

“Sounds... hot,” Louise says reluctantly, which makes Dan laugh.

“Well, yeah. But not very practical.”

Louise blows air upwards, seeming to actually consider Dan’s problem, for which he’s grateful. Perhaps honesty is all she needed to quell her fury over the subject. In an abrupt move, she pushes off the counter and goes to where she’d been preparing the cocktails, starting to pour more measures of ingredients.

“I need one of those, don’t judge me,” Louise says, not turning around, “and for God’s sake don’t tell Mona.”

“If I swear not to, can I have another one too?”

She laughs. “I’ll make a pitcher.”

Dan slurps the rest of his tequila sunrise down a bit too easily, and feels the rush of sugar and alcohol make him light-headed. He swirls the ice in the bottom of the glass with his straw, sighing. “God, I’m a dumbass, aren’t I?”

“Well yes,” Louise replies, then shakes the concoction for a bit in her extra large cocktail shaker, leaving Dan to chew on her concurrence, “but I mean, your actions aren’t completely incomprehensible, I suppose, given your position. I mean, there’s no denying he’s gorgeous. And rich. And he has that whole ‘I hate everyone - but not you!’ thing going on.”

Dan nods miserably, holding his glass out when Louise reaches for it. “He seduced me,” Dan whines.

“Oh, no, don’t try playing the victim with me,” Louise admonishes, pouring out a vat of cocktail into a glass jug. “You’re not playing innocent in this, I’d imagine, or he’d have the sense to resist your skinny little bum.”

Dan frowns, mildly embarrassed, though the alcohol is working very well to combat it. “I don’t know what I’m, like, doing though.”

Louise’s expression turns sympathetic, and she pours more tequila sunrise into Dan’s empty glass, bringing it to him. She puts an arm around his shoulder for a brief moment, squeezing tight.

“Dan, if he were a single man, I’d be all for this,” she says, her voice gentle. “I know he’s a bitch sometimes, but I love that man like a son.” She pinches his cheek, a bit too roughly. “And you’re alright too, when you’re not moping.” This makes Dan smile, but it’s sad and half-hearted. He slurps his drink. “The two of you’d drive each other nuts, that’s pretty clear,” Louise says, “but it’d be exciting and passionate. And that can be the foundation of a good relationship.”

“Y’know, he’s prob’ly gonna divorce Nikolai,” Dan tries, though it sounds pathetic even as he sounds it out.

Louise sighs, then goes to pour herself a drink. She only fills the glass halfway, presumably because she’s still got to make the guest’s dinner, and Mona’s likely buzzing about. 

“If you believe that, Dan, I’m happy for you,” Louise says. “But really, if you’re completely honest with yourself, do you actually think it’ll happen?”

“It’s not because of me,” Dan insists, feeling petulant. “He was unhappy anyway.”

Louise downs her half-glass of cocktail in one go, then quickly rinses out the evidence. “True, but Nikolai’s kept him this long, hasn’t he? I don’t know all the incentives of being married to a billionaire, but I’d imagine there’s a few reasons Phil hasn’t tried to break it off before.”

Dan wants to argue, to insist that Phil isn’t materialistic like that, that he wouldn’t stay with someone that makes him miserable for money or security. But honestly, Dan doesn’t know if that’s true. He barely knows Phil, even now, which just makes reflecting on their actions over the past few days even scarier. He’s gambling so much - his anonymity, his safety, Phil’s marriage, Phil’s reputation - on someone he doesn’t truly understand. Someone that half the time seems to not even want him around.

More tequila sunrise sucks up through the straw, blurring Dan’s anxious brain.

Louise brings him the jug of cocktail then, handing it to him with a sad smile. “I think you need to have an evening to yourself. Think about everything. This likely won’t help,” she says, gesturing to the jug, “but it might prompt some self-reflection. Just don’t tell-”

“Mona, I know,” Dan mumbles, already headed for the kitchen door.

“Actually,” Louise says, making him pause, “I was gonna say Phil.”

*

Three-quarters of a pitcher of tequila sunrise and an indeterminable amount of time later, Dan is laid flat on his bed, feeling quite drunk and very sorry for himself. His phone is doing a lousy job at providing a soundtrack with its crappy speaker; he wishes he had whatever Phil has going on in his room - some sort of fancy phone-controlled surround-sound contraption - to blast the new Li’l Peep & Fall Out Boy song that seems suspiciously appropriate for his situation, but he’ll just have to make do with what he’s got.

He picks up his phone to find he’s been called twice by his mother, and it only makes him feel even worse. He can’t phone her back now, drunk and miserable about the situation he’s so foolishly gotten himself into. How could he ever explain, to her, that he’s not only run away and fucked up his life, but also potentially now someone else’s? His mother should forget all about him really; she should just adopt Beth as a replacement daughter. Dan always had the strange impression that his mum liked her more somehow, found it easier to make polite smalltalk with her about the dinner and the sales at clothing stores than she found it to have a single conversation with Dan.

He rolls over onto his side, heart squeezing. There’s a knock at his door then, but he ignores it. He wants to be alone, to fall further into this black hole of melancholy and curl up there, possibly until he slips into blissful unconsciousness.

“Dan?”

The voice is coming from the other side of the door. Dan thinks he could probably place the voice if he concentrated, but he’s not interested in anything but his Twitter timeline right now. Even that isn’t loading properly due to the terrible hotel WiFi, which he guesses is his punishment for behaving like such a twit. Really, what has he been thinking, of late? Louise is so right to have called him out on his idiocy today.

Sleeping with a married man - it’s something he never dreamed he’d do, and here he is, willingly discarding all conscience with the excuse that Nikolai is ‘a bit of a dick’.

Suddenly, a message pings at the top of his phone. He manages to press it, blurry though it seems, and the chat box pops up.

Unknown Number Why aren’t you answering the door?

Dan frowns, mind whirring.

Dan Whoo is this s?

Unknown Number Seriously? Who else would it be?

Dan Phill?

There’s no reply for a few seconds, and then Dan’s phone starts to buzz. His eyes widen, alarmed, and then he realises he’s being rung. He manages, somehow, to answer, and jabs at the loudspeaker button because lifting the device to his ear requires a touch too much effort.

“What?” he says aloud.

“Dan, answer the door,” Phil’s voice says; if he listens hard, Dan can also hear him speaking out in the hall.

“No.”

“Why not?”

“How’d’you get my n’mber?”

“Front desk,” Phil replies, like it’s perfectly acceptable to just steal someone’s contact information from a database.

Dan snorts. “Stalker.”

“Why won’t you open the door?”

“B’cause,” Dan stresses, frustrated. He rolls over, and the ceiling tilts, like a see-saw.

“Because…?”

“Can’t see you,” Dan sighs. “Dang’rous.”

There’s a quiet from the other end of the line. “Are you still mad at me?”

“Always,” Dan replies. “You can’t come in. We can’t see each’ther.”

“Are you... drunk?”

“Very.”

“Right, I’m coming in.”

“Nooo,” Dan protests weakly, letting the phone drop to the bed. He hears, in the background, a noise like a door opening, and sighs, admitting defeat. He should have had the sense to lock it before he drank so much delicious cocktail. “Dick-face.”

“Ah,” Phil says; Dan rolls over very slowly, trying not to churn the contents of his stomach. Phil is stood at his chest of drawers, on top of which is the nearly empty jug of cocktail. There’s about a glass-full left inside. “Well, mystery of Dan’s inebriation solved.”

“There’s some left,” Dan says aloud, reaching out a hand for the jug, “gimme.”

Phil is smiling in an upside-down way. He lifts the jug to his mouth and drinks some, but somehow it doesn’t tip all over the floor. “God, that’s too nice. Tastes like fruit juice. Louise is a lethal barmaid, I need to remember that.”

Belatedly, Dan realises that the reason everything looks topsy-turvy, including the shape of Phil’s usually visually pleasing mouth, is because he’s laid on his back, staring at Phil the wrong way round. He sits up, too quickly, and squeezes his eyes shut as the room lurches with him, somersaulting forwards.

Seconds later, there’s a dip in the mattress to his left, and then a cool hand slides down his back. “Noo,” Dan says, swatting in the direction he knows Phil must be, eyes still closed. “You have t’go.”

“Why? Are you feeling sick?”

Dan heaves a dramatic sigh, letting his eyes flutter open at last. The room has gone from spinning to a gentle rocking, but oh no- Phil is way, way too close. He’s right here on the bed, thigh pressed against Dan’s, in those stupid silky pyjamas, and his glasses are on, and-

“Dan?”

“No!” Dan exclaims, shifting away from Phil. He almost falls off the bed entirely, but Phil catches hold of his arm. “Not sick. ‘m’fine. But we have t’stop.”

Phil’s amused expression creeps over his face. “Stop?”

“Stop… foolin’ around.”

The amusement melts away, leaving a guarded stare in its place. Phil lets go of his arm. “Oh. Why?”

Dan splutters; how can he even ask that question? “Because i’s wrong! You’re married.”

“Yeah, I know that, Dan.”

“We’re cheating! We’re adulter-er-ers,” Dan wrinkles his nose - that didn’t come out quite right, but he thinks the point still came through. “Don’t you feel bad?”

Phil reaches up and removes his glasses, rubbing the bridge of his nose. “Do you wanna get into bed, maybe?”

“Are you listenin’ t’me?!” Dan finds the nearest object he can - a stray pillow - and whacks Phil with it, feebly because his arms have gone noodly. “I’m sayin’ we can’t do th’t anymore-”

Phil wrestles the pillow off him, then whacks him right back. “I mean get into bed because you’re wasted, Dan. I’m not trying to seduce you.”

“Oh,” Dan mumbles, feeling his rapid breathing slow. A traitorous part of him aches in disappointment, but he squashes it down. 

Phil places the pillow back in its position at the top of the bed, neatly. He’s silent for a minute, and Dan wonders if he’s actually pissed him off. Then Phil says, “if I wanted to seduce you I’d just have to get on the floor and do a few push ups, work up a sweat-” 

And Dan lunges for the pillow, but Phil is too quick for him, and tackles him to the mattress before he can get to it. Dan groans - the force of Phil’s bodyweight barrelling into him when he’s already verging on queasy is not conducive to his slowly receding inebriation. The room spins again, and Phil leans up, propped on one elbow, laughing.

“Asshole,” Dan mutters, eyes slipping closed.

The darkness of his lids helps a little, mostly because seeing Phil so smiley and loose and happy is both disconcerting and totally wonderful. It’s best to just avoid looking altogether, so neither of the feelings can win out. Phil prods him in the stomach, disturbing what feels like a whirlpool of tequila and grenadine, and Dan tries to blindly smack him in the face - he’s unsuccessful.

“So, what happened?”

Dan frowns at the question. “What?”

“Between the last time I saw you and you drinking your bodyweight in hen-party special?”

He feels Phil moving around, rustling and jostling in a most irritating manner; when he opens an eye to see what the hell he’s doing, Phil is peeling back the covers of the bed, and plumping up the pillow. Something is stuck in Dan’s throat.

“Louise,” he sighs, giving in. He tosses an arm over his face so he won’t be able to see Phil’s reaction. “She saw your neck.”

“My neck? Oh.” He stops plumping. “Shit. I didn’t even think about it-”

“Yeah, well. She prob’ly would’ve found out anyway. She’s been like a bloodhound.”

Phil doesn’t say anything, so Dan lifts his arm, opens his eyes, then props himself up onto his elbows, studying Phil’s expression. He looks troubled but not angry, as Dan thought he might be. 

“Would you get in, please?”

Unsure and anxious in the aftermath of what he’s just said, Dan does as he’s told. He’s still in his jeans, so he unbuttons them quickly and shucks them off, throwing them aside without looking Phil in the eye. Then, he climbs into the space Phil has peeled back for him, and lets Phil pull the covers over his body.

“What did she say?” Phil asks once Dan’s tucked in. He dithers at the bedside, clearly not too sure of what to do himself.

“Said I was an idiot, basic’lly,” Dan admits. “That I’m in over my head with you and your sitch-ation, and I should stop b’fore I get in trouble.”

Phil lifts his head to meet Dan’s eye, something strange and curious caught in the dip of his inner eye. “And what did you say?”

The question seems to come out of nowhere, flicking Dan in the forehead. He blinks, trying to remember. “Uh. Not sure. Think I babbled a lot. I was kinda terrified.”

Phil’s mouth twitches. “She’s a scary lady when she wants to be.”

Dan lets the silence blanket them - he wants the attempt Phil made at light-heartedness to recede, because his next question is serious, and he needs a real answer. So, he waits, and then opens his mouth for the tequila to push the words out of his throat.

“Do you really not feel bad about wh’t we’re doing?”

Phil sighs, mussing up his hair with both hands. He walks around to the other side of the bed, and then - rather pointedly, Dan thinks - flops down onto it. His head turns, staring straight into Dan’s eyes. “No, I don’t.”

There’s such raw honesty in the glaze of Phil’s eyes; even through his drunken haze, Dan can tell he’s not lying. “How come?”

“Do you know how many reports there have been of Nikolai cheating on me in the last three months?”

Dan grimaces, tearing his eyes away. “So you’re gettin’ back at him? I di’n’t sign up t’be your ammu-nish-on in some emotional battle-”

“That’s not what you are,” Phil interrupts, suddenly stern. He takes a breath, catching himself, but the outburst is already hanging, pointed and tense, in the air between them. “I’m not in a battle with Nikolai. Nothing about what I’m doing with you feels like fighting. It feels like giving in.”

Dan turns, sluggish heart pumping faster. “Giving in t’what?”

A silence stretches, and Dan half wishes Phil wouldn’t answer at all. He shivers, suddenly feeling the cold of this room - he doesn’t think the radiator is on. Phil should get under the covers, he’s probably even colder.

“I’m not sure yet,” Phil says eventually, seeming to choose his words with care. “Does it feel… wrong to you, then?”

Dan hesitates, thinking of the ways Phil touches him, firm and desperate, but gentle too - reverent, even. Phil handles his body in a way nobody has ever dared to, taking note of the ‘fragile’ labels, but not being deterred by them, not afraid to peel them back to get at what’s underneath. He unfurls Dan methodically, without hesitation, seeming to know every place he wishes would be kissed, caressed, before Dan can show him. It’s utterly seductive, impossible not to crave. In a sense it feels wicked, to want something so selfish, so pleasurable, but that’s nothing to do with Phil. It’s more about Dan’s insecurity, the way he’s been taught not to indulge himself, or want things out of his reach.

“No,” Dan decides, the word leaving his lips shakily. “It feels like…” his eyes fall closed, picturing Phil’s kiss against his jaw. Without meaning to, his head droops towards his shoulder, then further, until it’s resting on Phil’s. He yawns, suddenly exhausted.

“What does it feel like, Dan?” Phil whispers, sounding desperate again. “Tell me.”

“It feels like... I’ve found something… hidden. A secret thing, all fluttery and impossible. An’ I don’t want anyone else t’see.” Dan can feel, somehow, through the shifting of his muscles, that Phil is smiling, laughing at him - he’s not making enough sense. It’s not coming out how it should, his words aren’t doing a good enough job at describing. Dan huffs in frustration. “When you touch me,” he perseveres, fumbling in the dark, cobwebbed corners of his brain’s romance sector for appropriate adjectives, knowing they’ll never quite fit. “It feels like… for a moment, you’re all mine.”

Phil’s breath hitches, Dan can feel the stutter of his lungs. He’s still for a while, and then draws a deep breath, shifting Dan until they’re both under the covers, Phil’s arm across him, Dan’s back to his chest. 

“Hey,” Dan says, seconds away from slipping under. “Thought we said no spooning.” 

Phil laughs, lightly, breath tickling Dan’s ear. “I don’t think either of us are very good at keeping to our word.” 

(Chapter Fifteen!)

[dat-town]

No Speed Limit | Chapter 3

Summary: Some people live to race while others race to live. When an uptown girl’s and street racer’s worlds collide, their lives are bound to change. For the better or worse, it’s hard to tell. In-between rivalry and unwanted sparks, there’s definitely a bumpy road ahead (with no speed limit).

Words: 2.6k

Chapter index

Hanbin knew that if he told anyone about having a hot girl over at his apartment and not doing anything beside throwing a pillow at her, most people would think he had gone nuts or started whispering about him playing for the other team. So he didn't tell anyone and apparently Soyeon didn't either because it had been weeks and there were no rumours about this little lie. Oh well they didn't even have to lie, just not correct the wrong assumptions. Bobby had been adamant at first trying to get those juicy details out of him but Hanbin wasn't a big talker anyway, so it didn't really surprised his circle that he didn't go around telling everyone that he got laid. Which he didn't.

He had bigger problems than that.

He groaned when the next blow send him to the floor clutching onto his stomach that ached from the hit it took repeatedly. His palms were scratched, proofs of the rough asphalt’s marks on his skin as he pushed himself up spitting blood onto the dirt. He got one more kick in his side and only then when he collapsed onto the floor with his pride stepped on did Giriboy told the other guys to stop and let him be. The exactor crouched down next to him and patted his bruised cheeks like a parent would do with a disobedient child.

“Look Kim… how many times do I have to tell you that we take deadlines seriously? Big boss won't be so forgiving every fucking time just because you're a mediocre driver and he wins whenever he bets on you. You owe him money, he wants that back, it's that simple,” he explains so helpfully one would think he really wanted Hanbin to get rid of the debt he wasn't even responsible for. Having a shitty family background and parents who overdosed on drugs is enough to chase him into it. Because of course they owed a large sum of money to their dealer who now kept coming at Hanbin to get it back.

“Two more month. Just two more,” he whispered almost too weak to be even heard. Giriboy leaned annoyingly close to his face to make out the next mumbled words, his vicious smile appearing right in front of Hanbin's hazy vision. “A big competition is coming up.”

One of the biggest actually and he planed to get out of here if he won. From that money, he could not only pay off the debt, but get rid of that shitty apartment and actually do something with his life. He didn't have big dreams, all he wanted was a simple life without dealers breathing down on his neck and a bunch of strangers attacking him in dark alleys on his way to the convenience store. He wanted nothing more than a few friends and a car to drive. Was it really that much to ask for?

“A big competition, huh?” the exactor spit on him and let out a mocking laugh that hurt almost as much as the punches. “I heard you had money to buy new car components but not to pay us?”

Hanbin just gritted his teeth willing himself not to throw back any insult return before they really beat him to half-dead. He needed his car to get money, so of course he needed to spend money on his car, so that it could be in its best shape.

“If we gave you two months you wouldn't even be able to pay the interest,” Giriboy clicked his tongue while he sat back on his heels. He pretended to think out loud giving him more time to suffer, to feel miserable and humiliated that his life is basically in the hands of a tyrant. “You get one month and if you don't pay back the whole amount interest included then we will meet again and we won't be so kind.”

The driver just grunted as he acknowledged the new offer and let out a breath when the footsteps started to fade away in the distance. He wasn't sure how long he stayed there lying on the hard ground that was cold even after the scorching heat of summer Sun that shone on it all day. It took him quite some time to gather enough strength to get up, standing to his wobbly feet and crawl back home, the beer and bread he wanted to buy long forgotten.

“Shit bro, they got your good this time,” Bobby grimaced when he saw his best friend's swollen cheeks and split lips next morning. The car repair shop where they both and a few more from their crew worked was busy even in early morning. The others only greeted him nonchalantly or hissed at seeing his beat up face. Two of the girls in the corner whispered about something while keeping their eyes on their duo.

“You should see my ribcage. It looks like some fucked up, rotten eggplant,” Hanbin shrugged and threw his bag onto the floor next to the stall he usually worked at. Among them there was not much privacy or anything to be shy about, so he quickly got out of his shirt and kicked off his pants to put on his mechanic uniform instead. He was in the middle of putting his arms in it when Bobby grabbed the hem of his undershirt and pulled it up to see the expressionist painting blooming on his chest and stomach.

“Fuck. That's not good,” he mumbled letting go of the material. Genuine worry flashed in his eyes as he watched Hanbin get into the uniform properly. “What are you gonna do about it?”

“I dunno. Participate in more races maybe?” Hanbin sighed. Even after taking painkillers he had a tough night, he could barely think, not to make plans about how to get the money as fast as he could. A month of small races and working here he knew wouldn't cover it all, especially now that the boss increased the interest on it.

“What about a job that pays more?” Yuna walked over to them followed by Haesoo closely. The sisters were the only female addition of their small crew but they could take apart a car and put it back together like it was nobody's business.

Hanbin knew the two of them just wanted to help, this entire community was their safe haven, like a chosen family that supportive each member but he knew the usual requirements for well-paid jobs and without any kind of certificate he had no chance.

“I'm a high school dropout. Where they would take me?”

“I actually know the perfect job for you,” Haesoo exclaimed with enthusiasm which Bobby was watching warily but Hanbin didn't notice any of it. “A friend of one of our cousins works for this super rich family and they need a new chauffeur.”

“You mean personal driver?”

“I guess.” the girl shrugged tapping her chin while thinking. “I don't know exact details but I can get info for you about the pay and the application process. It's what you like and know how to do, right? To drive, so...”

“Yeah, thanks Haesoo. That would be cool if you could get a number for me,” Hanbin nodded, hastily agreeing because what was the worst thing that could happen? They reject him and then what? It wouldn't have mattered. But it was worth a try, especially since the girl was right: driving was the activity he enjoyed most in this world and it came to him the easiest, so getting paid for doing that seemed almost too good.

To get the job was actually easier than he thought. After he got the contact info and talked with some assistant of the family, he had to submitted a copy of his driver licence and a paper to prove his clean record. Then he was called in for a test drive with eleven other applicants and he finally met the owner of the voice from the calls' other end. Both his manners and driving skills were tested but according to him, it went well. Pretty well in fact because two days later he got the job. He was sent an elegant uniform and a contract to sign, then he was called in to start working from Monday.

“Oh man I never thought I would live the day to see you in a tuxedo,” Bobby snorted when he saw him fully dressed in his shiny new black and white uniform that morning. It was a famous brand, a high quality suit, so Hanbin had no reason to complain yet he missed his less rigid clothes. It felt like he was tucked in some kind of prison of clothes wearing this well ironed shirt and pants.

“Are you envious?” Hanbin croaked a brow at his friend jokingly while fixing his cuff links.

“Well chicks dig guys in tuxedos, so… In your shoes, I would be careful with the old man's wife,” Bobby joked and quite a few of the others present joined the laughter. Hanbin just shook his head. He didn't care about wives committing adultery or daughters drooling at his sight. He was in it for money and the money only. He didn't even care what kind of family he had to drive for as long as they had money, it was enough for him.

“Or get yourself a sugar mommy,” Jinhwan yelled from his place and laughter erupted again at the eldest's stupid joke.

Hanbin checked the time on his watch and knew he should go soon if he wanted to be on time on his first day of work. But before he could move an inch, Yuna stepped in from of him with a shy smile and blush on her cheeks.

“Your bruises heal nicely,” she commented quietly as she take out a cotton pad from her makeup bag and leaned closer to apply some foundation and powder over the fading marks on Hanbin's face.

The boy inhaled sharply as the girl ever so slowly worked on the perfect outcome. He waited patiently because without her help he probably wouldn't have gotten his job anyway if he showed up at the interview like the ragged thug he really was. After she was satisfied with the result, Yuna pulled back examining his features before her eyes settled on his lips.

“Oh your lips healed already,” she remarked poking on the not anymore sore spot on the boy's mouth playfully. Well, it has already been a week since the incident, so luckily all the bruised and wounded areas got better and less painful.

“Yeah. Thanks Yuna,” Hanbin smiled as grateful as he could. He was indeed lucky to have the whole crew having his back for this.

“Don't mention it,” the girl shrugged and walked away just as fast as she came.

Not much later Hanbin was off to go too, so he bid his quick goodbyes and got into his car. As he drove off the suburb shop, all his friends hollered after him and Bobby even joked that he shouldn't forget where he came from once he got together with crazy rich chick. From the outskirts of the city the more he approached the downtown worn one-storey houses were changed to tall apartments with barely any place between them and when he left the busy part of the city behind, the Gangnam luxury welcomed him. His car was clearly out of place and he got a few looks while turning into the driveway of a smaller palace-like house at one corner. After identifying himself, the security guard told him to park in front the garage that had four identical black Audis in it. Woah, they sure were on a different level.

“Good morning, Mr. Kim. Please follow me inside. The family wishes to meet you,” the assistant he met the other time greeted him as soon as he got out of the car.

He tried not to stare too much while he looked around in the fancy house as he was led into the living room. There sit a couple in their 40s in elegant clothes and serious expressions on their faces.

“Mr. Jeon, Mrs. Jeon, let me introduce you the newest addition to our staff. Mr. Kim will be the personal driver of Miss Jeon from now on,” the assistant introduced them and Hanbin didn't forget to bow deeply in front of his new employers.

“I hope he will deal with her better than the earlier ones,” the woman muttered and it peaked the boy's interest. How bad that girl could have been to chase away his previous drivers? He sure hoped she wouldn't be some annoying twelve-year-old with an obsession about idols because he might not take that too well either.

“Welcome, Mr. Kim. I hope you will ensure my daughter's safety and make sure she follows her schedule,” Mr. Jeon reached for his hand and shook on it firmly.

“I will try my best, sir,” Hanbin nodded and started to get slightly nervous from all this big fuss around the whole situation. Not to mention that the man in front of him looked strangely familiar but he couldn't tell from where.

“This is the car key. You will get it every morning here and have to hand it in after your working hours. And this is your work phone. Make sure to be always available. It has every number in it you need and you get Miss Jeon's schedule texted to you the day before. You can find today's in the calendar app already,” the assistant handed him the two items but before he could check what's his exact job for today, footsteps echoed on the staircase closeby.

“Soyeon, your new driver is here. Don't you dare sneak out!” Mrs. Jeon raised her voice and when Hanbin lifted his head to see who caused this stir in the motion, his jaw almost dropped. “And how many times do I have to tell you not to dress like that in university?”

Hanbin's mind barely recognized all the complaints the woman made as his eyes got fixed on the slim figure ascending the stairs. The girl wore leather pants with crop top and a jacket thrown over her shoulders. She flipped her long, black hair with such elegance only their kind had as her gaze lazily settled on the small crowd in the living room.

Her sharp gaze met Hanbin's only for a moment but he could tell she recognized him, too. There was a moment hesitation in her movements before her perfect mask was back on.

“I don't have time to get changed. I'm out,” she turned her back to them and walked in confident strides towards the garage. She had the same fire in her that burnt when her brother lost that stupid bet. That was actually quite impressive.

“Good luck, Mr. Kim,” the politician - oh of course, how could he not recognize him? - ushered the driver to go after her and it was the first time since he got the job that Hanbin actually thought he will need luck to deal with it.

Because now he got to drive around the girl who was offered to him as a prize, the girl he thought he would never see again, the girl who had been on his mind more times than he would like to admit.

[crimsxnrebellion-blog]

The Favor

[A little drabble I wrote up for @maryarkham to hopefully cheer her up a little and not make her sadder. Because I luh her and she deserves the world, but unfortunately, I can only write her angsty/shippy/fluffy garbage of our otp ;3;

But I hope you like it, bebe! <3]

Another dud. Dante growled as he tossed the phone back on the hook. No password again. Third one today and it was just after noon. He swore someone was out there handing people his number as a damn joke. The half devil had opened up his demon hunting business about a month ago, but the jobs came in a slow trickle. The rest had been clean up from Temen-Ni-Gru and the demons who stuck around after that episode. Charity work.

“Shit,” he grumbled to himself as he propped his feet up on his desk and leaned back in his chair. He closed his eyes to the hum of the ceiling fan above him. At least the place was back in one piece. It had taken time and plenty of money, but he had his place again. He no longer had to stay in ratty old hotels while he had the building remodeled and put back together. He didn’t even want to think about how he got such a good deal on that...

The growl of a motor approaching the shop popped one eye open. The other when the doors creaked open. He lifted his head to see who graced him with their presence. Short shorts, white button-down shirt, and armed to the teeth. Thus, the devil hunter recognized the woman before she removed her helmet and shook out her short, dark locks.

“Well, look who decided to pay me a visit.” Dante grinned as he shifted his boots back to the floor and stood. “I knew you couldn’t stay away from me, Lady.”

He could hear her eyeroll as she placed her hand on her hip, helmet held between her waist and arm. “This is why I don’t come around. You get stupid ideas it that big head of yours.”

Dante waved her off. “Yeah, yeah.” He positioned himself in front of her. “But, since you’re here, why don’t we go up to my roo-”

Cold metal against his chest halted his words, but couldn’t quell his chuckle. “Keep talking and I’ll pump you full of lead, asshole.” Dante opened his mouth to test her, but the click of the hammer closed it again. Not to mention the flash in her bicolor eyes. “I came here because I need to ask you a favor.”

A snowy eyebrow raised in question. The corners of his smirk twitched and fell. In all the year and some odd months he’d known Lady, she had never asked him for a favor. Not outright. He assumed it was because he was still in debt for destroying her bike at the tower. But now, even as he studied her face, trying to read it for an answer to this odd request, he came up short. What had happened? Was she sick? Dying? What would put her in a position to possibly ask him for help, putting her in a position to potentially owe him a favor in return (he wasn’t holding his breath for that one, though)?

A shrug of the shoulder. “Depends on what it is. Need me to help ya hide a body or somethin’?”

“No, stupid.” Lady took note of his eye roll, the way he tensed and looked past her. Tuning out at the name calling. She sighed and lowered her gun. “Sorry. But seriously.”

There. He saw a flash of something in her face. A sadness he had only seen there one other time. At Temen-Ni-Gru after their fight. Past the rage and disappointment in herself and stubbornness, he had seen a sadness in her eyes. The sadness only someone who had lost a loved one—a loving parent no less—could experience. The hurt of feeling like they had failed them. He had seen it in his own eyes for over a decade.  

And now he saw it again. Bicolor eyes shifted to the corners, refusing to meet his gaze. Her light lips were pressed together, firmly and stubbornly closed until she knew she could speak without her voice cracking. She balled her hands at her side, then unclenched them.

“I need you to take a job for me,” she said as she met his gaze again. All business again. She built her walls quick. “I forgot I have something to do tomorrow, and I promised to check out some possible demonic activity at the south side of town.”

He wanted to say no. He hadn’t really had a good day off in a week, after all, whether he dealt with actual clients and jobs or devil he found on his own. He had hoped to spend the day relaxing. Napping and eating pizza. Maybe a trip to Bullseye Bar (newly remodeled) for a drink or two if he was so inclined. But, he couldn’t shake that expression from his mind. Damn, why was he a sucker for a pretty girl in distress?

Dante sighed and brushed his fingers through white locks. “Alright, alright. Fine. But, I get the full pay with no nagging about paying for your bike.” He paused as he debated how far he could take this. “And dinner. And sex?”

Her cheeks lit up like a Christmas light and her fingers twitched for her gun again. But, when she spoke, she surprised him with a level tone: “Yes to the pay and the dinner, no to the sex. Pervert. Can’t you think of anything other than sex and pizza?”

“Deal.” Victorious, he sauntered back over to his desk, leaving Lady in the middle of the room as she dug the details of the job out of her bag. “So what’s so important that you gotta pawn your job off on me? I was convinced you didn’t sleep you were so adamant about killing demons. It’ll break my heart if you got yourself a hot date.”

“None of your business,” she snapped a little too quick. Dante raised his eyebrow again and Lady waved him off with a scoff. She crossed the room, boots clomping louder than usual on the wood floor in her irritation, and slammed the handwritten pages on his desk. “I never took you for the nosy type, Dante.”

Dante slid the pages toward him and scanned them. She had written everything down for him: times, places, the client’s name, details of the job. Organized as always. He should really take a page from her book if he hoped to be successful in this business. He kept his office in an organized chaos. He knew where everything was, but good luck to anyone else trying to find anything specific.  

Setting the papers down, he lifted the phone and used it as a paper weight. “I dunno. I’m just genuinely curious.” He lifted his gaze to meet hers as he leaned back in his chair. “You’re tense. Quicker to anger than usual. Something bothering you? You’re not overworked, are ya?”

“Please. You’re the lazy one here, not me.” She had him there. To his surprise, Lady leaned against his desk instead of fleeing. She had a habit of telling him to mind his own damn business and stomping off, only to disappear for another few weeks when he pissed her off. Minutes passed where neither said anything, Dante’s gaze glued to her back. He noted the fine white scars along the back of her forearms. Not from cutting, judging by the random patterns, sizes, and depths. From fighting.  

Finally, Lady glanced over her shoulder, but only a second of it was spared on Dante. Instead, her gaze chose the double doors where the late afternoon light filtered into the office. “Tomorrow’s Mom’s birthday.” Her voice was barely above a whisper. Though he couldn’t see her hands, she could tell she was worrying the bottom of her shirt. A nervous habit he had caught her in more than once. “I wanted to go to her grave.”

Dante could see a shimmer of tears in the corner of her red eye as she fingered the ruby-colored drop at her throat. He leaned back as she chewed her lower lip and her eyes twitched toward him, waiting for him to speak.  

He kept silent at first. He knew how pointless and frail words could sound on these matters. As a child, he remembered all the poor dears, so sorry for your losses, and, his personal favorite, the she’s in a better place nows that only agitated him. He didn’t want to hear any of that. As a mere eight-year-old, he wanted comfort, not words from people who most likely could not understand. And, considering they came from the various foster parents only looking for a check in the mail or the head of some orphanage that only cared about the quiet, well-behaved children, he never felt the consoling words came from mouths that truly gave a shit about him or what he was going through. Even over a decade after that horrific day, the hybrid still grieved the loss of his mother and, more recently, that of his brother. He would never say his grief didn’t hurt, that the memories of his family didn’t form a lump in his throat. But, Lady’s grief was brand new. Not much over a year old, if he remembered right. She hid it better than a pirate hid his cache of gold before his death, but he knew she felt it everyday. Sometimes a little. Sometimes a lot.

“Yeah...Yeah, I get it,” he finally said. He was probably the only person in her life that could say that and mean it. Truly mean it. He shifted his gaze to the photo of his mother on his desk, then back to her. Lady had turned her full attention to him, her body awkwardly twisted at the waist and her palm resting on the wood. He could see the tear trails on her cheeks and new, unshed tears in her eyes. “I didn’t know your mom, but she’d be proud of you. You’re a strong, badass woman, and I don’t know what kind of parent wouldn’t be proud of that.”

Lady laughed, the bitterness obvious in the short, clipped note. “I doubt my father would approve of who I’ve become. I’m fairly sure he aimed to kill me in that damn tower. I think it’s safe to assume he wanted dead, not badass.”

“Well, your dad hardly counts as a good father figure,” Dante pointed out, a small smile of his own beginning to light his features, “so his opinion is moot. No offense.”

“None taken,” Lady snorted. She pushed herself off the desk and swiped at her face with her forearm. She breathed out a long, shuddering sigh before moving to pick up her helmet. “I should get going. I’m sure you’ve got plans tonight.”

“Wait.” The word poured out of his mouth and his hand raised to stop her before he realized he had done it. Lady paused, helmet halfway to her head, her dark eyebrow raised as she waited for him to finish. Well, the worst she could do is say no.

“You wanna stay here tonight?” he asked as he stood up from his desk. Seeing her face darken, he quickly added, “Not in a sexual way. To just hang out. Watch dumb movies and order in or something. Would beat sittin’ home alone all night.”

Lady tapped her fingers on top of her helmet. Her bicolor eyes flicked from him to the door, as if gauging which offer seemed more appealing: hanging out with a man who did nothing but annoy her or to go home and sulk around her flat until she finally fell asleep. Or that’s what he assumed she did when she wasn’t demon hunting. That and other more colorful fantasies.

“Alright, fine.” She set her helmet on the corner of his desk. Hand on her hip, she prodded him in the chest. She tried to look menacing, but Dante could see the smile in her eyes. “But no pizza. And I want to watch Disney movies. Disney princess movies. Got it?”

The half demon chuckled and ruffled her hair. “Deal.”

[themoneybuff-blog]

Struggling with money anxiety and finding balance

On Saturday evening, I had a chance to chat with my friends Wally and Jodie. You might remember them from a reader case study from last August. They're the couple that wants to get their finances in order but they're worried because they're starting with less than zero. When we chatted in August, Wally and Jodie had over $35,000 in debt. They had variable incomes, but somehow seemed to spend exactly what they earned about $3000 per month after taxes. Worst of all, they were behind on some payments. Now, eight months later, their situation has improved. Over smoked German sausage and beer, Wally and Jodie told me about their progress. (My dog, Tahlequah, was eager to take part in the conversation. Or maybe it was the sausage she wanted?)

Taking Baby Steps Based on your advice, we've worked hard to increase our incomes, Jodie told me. We've both been picking up extra shifts whenever possible. And I started a second job that pays pretty well. So, you've been able to get a gap between your income and your spending? I asked. You bet, said Wally. By working more, we don't have time to spend much money. In August, we didn't have any gap between our earning and spending. Our gap was zero. Now our gap is almost $2000! And we've been using the debt snowball method to get out of debt. We've already paid off a bunch of smaller stuff and now have $438 extra per month for debt payoffs. Plus, we have an emergency fund. This all sounds amazing, I said. Great work! It is amazing, Wally said. This is the best shape I've ever been in financially. But we're struggling to figure out what to do next. What do you mean? I asked. Well, said Jodie. We're getting married in September. We don't know how much to budget for that. Meanwhile, we still have a lot of debt. We owe about $10,000 on Wally's car. We had to replace my Mini Cooper last winter, and that brought us another $10,000 of debt. Plus, I still owe on my school loans. I did some mental math. While the couple's cash flow has improved, I was a little nervous that they hadn't actually decreased their debt since the last time we talked about money. That said, I know Jodie's old car had been a thorn in their side. And they have paid down nearly $10,000 in miscellaneous debts. The real issue is that we can't seem to find balance, Wally said. We're burned out. We've been working so much that we never have time for ourselves. Or each other. It's affecting our moods and our attitudes. Yeah, I said. That's tough. Wally nodded. Now I have a friend who wants us to fly out to his wedding, he said. We've done the math, and we can't afford it. He's offered to pay for the trip, but we don't know how we feel about that. We want to go, but even if we do accept his help, it'll cost us a few hundred bucks plus whatever income we lose while we're gone. What should we do? Jodie asked. We thought saving more would reduce the stress, but we're just as anxious as ever. Well, maybe not anxious in the same way, I guess, but still. We're worried about money even with a $2000 gap each month. Trust me, I said. The money worry never goes away. Everybody has money anxiety, no matter how much they earn, no matter how much they have saved. [embedded content] Worrying About Money Do you worry about money? Wally asked. Yes, of course, I said. I'm basically financially independent, but I still have money anxiety. In fact, I'm so worried about it that this year I'm tracking every penny I earn and spend. And, just like you, there always seems to be something that comes up for me to spend on. There's my heart-attack scare, which now looks like it'll cost me $7500. I just paid a huge tax bill. And there's all of this travel I've committed to this year. It's always something. Should we fly to my friend's wedding? Wally asked. I haven't seen him in a long time. I can tell it's important to him for us to be there. That's a tough call, I said. And it's an example of how personal finance isn't just about the numbers. There are relationships and emotions to consider too. From a financial perspective, I don't think you should go. But it'd be hypocritical of me to tell you that. My cousin Duane is still fighting cancer, but he wants to make another trip to Europe next month. At first, I was reluctant to join him. Like I said, I'm trying to cut expenses this year because I feel like I'm spending too much. But you know what? I'm going. So, you see, my advice and my actions are at odds here. I didn't know how to tell Wally and Jodie, but my biggest concern with their situation is that it seems like they're getting ready to stop the race when they've barely begun. They're not out of debt yet. They've made some excellent progress, but there's still a long way to go. They've spent eight months on this project. From the looks of it, they have another eighteen months to go but that's if they use the gap they've created to accelerate their debt payments. If they don't choose this route, it's going to take them even longer. At the same time, I get where they're coming from about feeling cramped. Sure, there's a finite amount of time until they get the debt paid off, then they can loosen up. But when you're in the thick of it, eighteen months can feel like eighteen years. Finding Balance The key, of course, is to find balance. And I think that's what Wally and Jodie are trying to do. They're not trying to quit the race early. They don't want to get behind on payments like they used to be. They don't want to spend their emergency fund or to stop their debt snowball. What they want is to find a balance between today and tomorrow. I didn't mention it to them at the time, but I think they should look at the balanced money formula from Elizabeth Warren and Amelia Tyagi's excellent All Your Worth.

Warren and Tyagi argue that in order to achieve financial balance, your after-tax spending should be allocated like this: At least 20% should go to Saving (which includes debt reduction).No more than 50% should be allocated to Needs (which includes housing, utilities, healthcare, basic food, and basic clothing).The rest around 30% should go to Wants (which is everything else). Warren and Tyagi are adamant that less than half your budget should go to Needs. If you pour too much toward necessities, you don't have room in your budget for fun or the future. The authors are just as insistent that you should build room into your budget for Wants. You should ask yourself, they write, are you making enough room for fun? Wally and Jodie aren't spending much on Needs at the moment, but they're not spending much on Wants either. They've been pumping most of their money into Saving (in the form of debt reduction). This is a Good Thing. But maybe it's too much of a good thing? Making a Plan On Sunday morning, Wally sent me an email. After meeting with me, he and Jodie formulated a plan: Until their wedding in September, they'll keep their debt snowball where it is today: minimum payments plus the $438 they've freed from satisfied debts.They'll use an envelope-like budget for entertainment, travel, gifts, dates, and personal items.With the rest of their monthly gap, they'll create a dedicated savings account for their wedding. After the wedding, they'll throw this money at debt. This seems like a good, purposeful plan to me. It balances today and tomorrow. And you can be sure that I'll follow up with them in the fall to make sure they've stuck to the plan that they've remembered to prioritize their debt snowball again. In the meantime, I sent Wally this Reddit post in which a young guy realized that by pushing for a 65% saving rate, he was miserable. He writes: I'm currently shooting for a 55% saving rate and I cannot tell you how much more I enjoy life. I went from feeling like I couldn't spend a dollar that wasn't strictly budgeted, to travelling with friends, going to concerts, and enjoying the pleasures of life. That 10% made all the difference in the world As for me, I still feel anxious. I've done a good job of controlling my small, everyday expenses this year, but the big stuff is still stressing me out. I need to heed my own advice and find better balance. That will come, I think, as I consciously make better decisions about future large expenses and as I work to increase my own income.

Author: J.D. Roth In 2006, J.D. founded Get Rich Slowly to document his quest to get out of debt. Over time, he learned how to save and how to invest. Today, he's managed to reach early retirement! He wants to help you master your money and your life. No scams. No gimmicks. Just smart money advice to help you reach your goals. https://www.getrichslowly.org/finding-balance/

[bthenoise]

HAWK (formally This Or The Apocalypse) Share Debut Single ‘Mileage’ With Guest Vocals From Spencer Charnas

For the first time since 2012, members of Pennslyvania outfit This Or The Apocalypse have joined forces to release brand new music. Doing it under the moniker HAWK, original members Ricky Armellino (who you may recognize from Ice Nine Kills) and Jack Esbenshade have teamed up with Bernard Stabley and Adam Reed to share their debut single “Milage.” 

Opening up about the transition from This Or The Apocalypse to HAWK, Armellino put together a detailed statement saying:

“I don’t know how to keep stuff short.

This Or The Apocalypse made some moves about 4 or 5 years ago to make a new album under a new name. We put our all into the record- self produced big chunks of it, worked with different producers, then spent enough to put years of debt ahead of us. The album wasn’t released and there are no hurt feelings; we gained more than we lost.

TOTA became Hawk years ago and kept it off the internet. I guess we finally started to agree with some of the A&R reps in the inbox- there was a phone call with a few of us in the team regarding a contract offer contingent on a name change and it lasted a couple of minutes. I just said ‘How about we call it Hawk,’ a couple of us said ‘Yeah that’s cool.’ It wasn’t a hard decision to make.

We were preparing to lose to one of the last remaining ‘founding’ members of the band and filling his slot felt like the last step out of what we were doing, emotionally at least. TOTA toured between 32-35 times across the US alone, I’m not even including all of the international tours. We gained the perspective/understanding that a lot of musicians don’t get because people are just really transparent and honest with a band that comes through 3 or 4 times a year without popping.

We were playing for promoters that I regularly texted jokes to, our booking agents and managers were personal friends who sugar-coated nothing. It wasn’t emotional, we embraced the change and got to work. For a lot of different reasons that don’t belong here, the brakes locked on the whole thing and we ended up rebuilding our whole business from the ground up.

I made a studio for us to spend years trying stuff out in. My mentality was that musicians needed to be in control of their own material and the quality of it to not be helpless. We wrote for, produced, played on, and mixed over 30 records in there. We genuinely care about every single band that stepped in there. I’m so proud of everything that we accomplished in it.

Then we could bring what we were working on back to our band. We just wanted to be ‘worth’ entertaining others, not guys who felt as if they were owed something for showing up and getting on a stage. This whole time everybody’s been asking where we’ve been and it’s funny because we’ve never been more productive. We weren’t going to come out swinging on everyone until we were truly ready to do it.

So yeah, Hawk. Pronounce it however you want. Say it like you’re getting something out of your throat if you want, we don’t care. We are playing new music now and it’s all material we had a hand in producing.

‘Mileage’ is the first of about 20 songs on deck. Every member produced their own performance, I mixed it, Andreas Magnusson, head producer of ‘Dead Years‘, joined in when we did the live drums down in Richmond and he mastered the track as well. Spencer Charnas from Ice Nine Kills sang some harmonies on the chorus- We didn’t even ask him to.

I just sent him the song and he immediately sent me a bunch of unsolicited audio files of his voice. We put a video together to tell a story about mental illness with the help of videographer Eric Dicarlo and a group of our best friends playing different monsters. We spent a lot of evenings after rehearsals gathering everything we wanted to use in the scenes and it’s full pop culture references and nods to our favorite movies. It’s also every type of weird that’s out there.

The band is myself and the only other ‘original’ founding member of TOTA, Jack Esbenshade. We have played together for about 15 years. Adam Reed stepped up from assisting and editing all of the tracks at the studio for 3 and a half years to our full-time drummer. I think people are going to be shocked by how tight he is.

He also conducted the whole “teaser” video with me and edited the whole thing (Spencer Charnas also did some voice acting as the old woman working at the post office). Bern Stabley is hands down the best bassist I’ve worked with and bringing him into the mix was criminally easy.

Good to be back. Sup.”

So there you have it, from This Or The Apocalypse to HAWK, Ricky Armellino and Jack Esbenshade are back at it again. To check out their impressive lead track “Mileage” featuring Ice Nine Kills’ Spencer Charnas, be sure to look below. Afterward, for more from the band, head here.

[benjamingarden]

There's No Time Like Today To Become Frugal & Pay Off Debt

There's actually no time like today to start whatever you're considering, not just becoming frugal and paying off debt.  Starting new things and making changes can be very very hard, but I'm here to tell you my friend, now is the perfect time to do it.  Regardless of what craziness surrounds you right now, regardless of what your current financial situation is, and regardless of how many other excuses you could make, when it comes to cleaning up your financial situation and making sure the struggles to keep your head above water come to an end, you need to start today. I understand the struggle - I've told myself many excuses too, and you know what?  The only thing I regret is not starting earlier.  I regret this about a few life decisions because there is nothing to gain by delaying decisions to change your life.  Remember that we can all write a new chapter of our lives at any time.  It's definitely not easy.  It also may not work out exactly as we'd hope.  But one thing is for sure, if you dedicate yourself to making specific changes, you will change your life. Think of debt this way:  Debt = paying for the past rather than living in the present or preparing for the future.  This is ANY DEBT.  Car loans/leasing, credit cards, student loans, owing family members, mortgage, etc. Freeing yourself of debt can allow you endless opportunities including, but not limited to the opportunity to work for yourself, the opportunity to retire, or even the opportunity to work part-time.  Heck, you can even stay in the exact same career you are currently in if you desire.  The point is, it allows you options.  Options to use your money for today and the future in ways that enrich your life and less stress when a financial hardship happens. And the quickest way to get there is one little word: frugality.

My Journey To Frugality I've struggled with adopting a frugal lifestyle.  As I've shared prior, I grew up with an unhealthy relationship with money, learning early on it was normal to spending an enormous amount of money to fill a void and to relieve stress.  It took awhile, but eventually I went from hating to deal with finances, seeing money as something that was used both to tear each other apart as well as to buy your way out of a problem, to having a wonderful appreciation and relationship with it.  Eventually I also understood about becoming a good steward of what we have.  I'm here to tell you, you can do this at any age.  It's never ever too late! Saving for later and working within a budget were two things I'd never ever seen in my own family and had no idea how to even begin.  I was on the work-to-spend merry-go-round until I discovered the work-to-save version that was oh-so much healthier.  And of course more lucrative.  While it took years to fully break the cycle, I am grateful I was finally able to do so. Yes, I wish I'd figured it out earlier, and I wish I'd worked harder on it when I first discovered this new way of life.  But I didn't and I'm just grateful I made the changes when I did rather than pushing it off even longer. And that's why there's no time like today to start. On my own path, I thought I would adopt frugality just to get debt paid off and then I could return to "normal".  I had no idea how much my life would change.  What I didn't anticipate happening was that I learned a true appreciation and respect for money - one I'd never knew existed.  Mind you, I would have been adamant, prior to this journey, that I had a proper appreciation and respect for it.  Only once I was fully committed to the journey did I realize this was incorrect.  Not only did I benefit with a newfound appreciation and respect, but I was much more intentional and, over time, I enjoyed that aspect.

Part of what helped accomplish this was paying for cash.  I switched us to cash for all except monthly bills so we could really see and control what we were spending.  A positive side effect, if you will, was that it made us very intentional and we learned to think through every purchase prior to making it.  When you're parting with cash it's a whole different feeling then paying by credit or debit card. I, in no way, am/was perfect. Initially I would do really well for awhile and then I would slip.  Instead of quitting I got back on that horse and continued down the frugality path.  Incorporating simple living into my life helped pull it all together for me because both frugality and simple living have a strong focus on learning to become content, which was the magical piece of the puzzle I'd been missing.  A change happened in my attitude whereas I realized just how much I had and how truly little I needed to live an amazing life.  Once I began learning to truly be content with who I was as well as what I had it was the a game changer I needed.  I learned the lesson of enoughness. Because frugality runs concurrently with whatever is going on in your own life it's imperative you just start.  It is inevitable that life will happen - and expensive life situations will happen.  We've had many examples pop up on our journey which meant spending money on gifts, travel, repair, unexpected expenses, etc., but we've kept a (newly adopted) frugal mindset through all of the decision making and I am ecstatic at what we've been able to do.  Decisions and creative economical ways of dealing with the unexpected situations that I would have never had considered in the past allowing us to remain strong on our path. Today we are putting all that effort into now paying off our mortgage.  We can see the end in sight which is exciting, but it's still a one-day-at-a-time journey.  Particularly because we are self-employed and our income fluctuates quite a bit.

Our 10-year old truck that we purchased with 70% cash and 30% a zero percent 2-year loan (paid in 1 year)

You Only Live Once, So Why Would I Want To Be Frugal?

Ummmm...because you only live once.  I hear this a lot as a reason why people don't want to be frugal.  Yes, we all only live once.  So what do you think your regrets will be at the end?  Will they be that you wished you'd had a new car every couple of years?  Maybe you will regret not having a larger home?  Or maybe you think you'll regret not having enough material things? I highly doubt it. I've had the absolute pleasure of spending time with some amazing people during their final days and not once have any of them regretted material things.  For the most part they've regretted not experiencing what they'd always dreamed of (travel, a career they were afraid to go after, etc), and not spending more time with those they love. Remember when we looked at how frugality gives you options?  This is where those options are important.  When you are out of debt and not spending money willy-nilly on material things, you have options of how to spend both your time and money - you can travel more, spend more time with those you love, make a career change you've always wanted to do but were fearful of because of finances, etc. Starting Your Own Frugal Journey One common misconception is that if you're frugal, you can't spend money.  Yes, you get to spend money even if you're frugal!  If you're frugal you prioritize spending money on what means the most to you.  It means being conscious of your long-term aspirations and spending in alignment with that.  It means living an intentional life where you figure out what you want to do with your time here on earth and spending your precious time and money striving toward those goals and dreams. You may have absolutely no aspirations to work for yourself running a small business and live on a homestead as we do, but I'm sure you want more out of life than being a mindless consumer, working to pay for material things that don't really enhance your life.  So start spending your time and money in alignment with whatever you've identified that you do want. It's not an easy road, initially, and I'm here to assure you that it gets better.  Much better.  Once you begin putting it all together there's no turning back.  Learn to be content with who you are and what you have.  Identify what your dreams and goals are for this one life you've got, and start living with those things in mind.

It all comes down to a simple equation:

Spending less money = saving more money = less stress about money & more options = happier life.

Follow The Experts We tried a few methods and finally had success with the one created by Dave Ramsey. (not an affiliate link - I just really believe in what he does)  Here's the thing:

follow the method exactly

don't try to throw in your own ideas or go in your own order

work in tandem with a spouse/partner, or, if you don't have someone you're doing this with, find a friend or family member to support you on your journey (not only for accountability but also for much needed support)

when Dave says "get rid of your credit cards", get rid of your credit cards.  You won't be able to keep them and resist using them.  It's like having candy in the house when you're trying to give up sugar.  Just get rid of them.

put your head down and, regardless of how much you owe and how overwhelming it seems, start with baby step 1 today. No excuses.

Budgets are a pain and change is difficult, but before you know it this new way of life will be exactly that.  A new way of life.  The struggle will get more and more insignificant and your happiness, sense of peace, and gratitude will continually grow.

There's No Time Like Today To Become Frugal & Pay Off Debt was originally posted by My Favorite Chicken Blogs(benjamingardening)