#this has always bothered me and im dumping it here

[wall-eye]

If you annoy people for fun, don't be surprised when people don't like you

Work rant in tags. Didn't know there was a 30 tag limit lol

[1-up-chump]

Thinking about my hc for Erik and Charles sexuality (and by extension juggernaut's sexuality by proxy) so let me dump my thoughts here

And it should go without saying but common courtesy isn't so common: this is a personal HC and interpretation of the characters, if you do not like it then you do not read it. Simple :D

So charles never got a chance to explore his sexuality but he did learn about gayness from his step brother cain. however cain's father, and charles stepfather kurt marko, was wildly homophobic and instilled the idea it was wrong and gross on every level. With kurt already harsh on cain, cain projected his internalized homophobia on charles. And charles learned to never bring it up again since this angered his brother more than anything else cain already hated about Charles. Unfortunately this instilled a subconscious uncomfortable feeling whenever charles brings up his own desires outside of "whats socially acceptable" and has yet to mentally unpack that

Meanwhile Erik was in that "i kinda always knew but never met anyone else that bothered me to let me explore" kinda way. Although due to his circumstances he wasn't exactly afforded to explore since he was

Trying not to die

Trying to stop humans killing mutants (at any cost)

Trying to not let grief fueled rage consume him (failed)

So when he met charles he finally was comfortable enough to "test the waters" but due to charles being an idiot with his own emotions Erik initially thought he was straight. And yet charles keeps leading him on with the most homoerotic conversations and chess matches ever so it confused and lowkey pisses off Erik. It keeps him guessing if Charles is gay or just really affectionate. But it still sparks their relationship even when they're "enemies"

So their relationship, despite having chemistry and passion so strong it makes an atom bomb pale in comparison, is so slow burn it's a detriment to them (but mostly everyone else lol)

Charles "oh im not straight" moment literally happens in the most mundane of circumstances when he's lost in his own thoughts one day. And when the realization hits him he panics and tries to shove it back down but its not going away now its out. So the next conversation he has with erik is "testing the waters" and in this moment erik wants to strangle charles harder than he's ever wanted to. But after this moment of, not really a confession but more so of a "hey our relationship is complicated but tbh lets just make it official bc why tf not"

[wangxianficfinder]

Fic Finder

June 10th

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1. Hiya, please help me find this fic! Lan Zhan is the king/emperor and has to choose a consort/empress. There is a bridal selection held and I know Mianmian was one of the candidates. They do a series of challenges and Lan Zhan basically tricks Wei Wuxian into completing them/qualifying. At one point, the candidates have to go through this maze, and Wei Wuxian gets 'kidnapped' and dumped in the maze and finds his way out really fast out into a hall where everyone is just like 'how the hell did he get in there and come out so fast?' and Lan Zhan uses that to show the council/elders that Wei Wuxian is a perfectly acceptable choice while WWX is just confused as always. Thank you! @iuocean

FOUND? The Imperial Jewel by Serinah (E, 39k, WangXian, Emperor and his concubine, Dubious Consent,bExtreme at first, gets better, A/B/O, omega wwx,bAlpha LWJ, Concubine WWX, Emperor LWJ, Oblivious Wwx, wwx's pov, Mutual Pining, Angst and Feels, Deviates From Canon, WWX has a golden core, but still practices dark arts, WWX exchanges his life for the Wens’, other differences, UST, S/D, undrenegotiated kink, Orgasm Denial, Multiple Orgasms,bOther kinks, WWX likes spanking, Smut and Feels, fucking while pining, noncon, for the beginning of the first scene, It Gets Better, starts smutty, gets plotty, ends lovely, Feels, Power Imbalance, Public Sex)

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2. Hi there! Im not sure if I have already asked this or if I dreamt it but I have been looking for one specific ff for almost three years now. It's on ao3 and the only plot points I remember were that it was a modern au, wangxian were friends, something happened to wwx and the decided to go on a little impulsive roadtrip (Iwj phoned his brother and said "I am eloping with wei ying" which was funny but he was so serious deep inside) and then they found out they have been in love all along and get together.

Another thing I remember is that the author put a lot of songs into the fic for the roadtrip and I have all the song names;

the brummies - lovers do

give my heart a little break - summer salt

I don't wanna be okay without you - charlie burg

honeymoon - the shadowboxers

You'd think with all the songs I could have found it by now but I can't seem to win. If you can find anything please please I will sell my firstborn :) that fic was comfort like you can't believe @mdzshemel

Hi, this fic is delicious! Thank you for the rec ✨ It is not the one I am looking for but it was such a near thing 🥹

NOT FOUND 🔒 and i think it's going to be a long, long time by belovedmuerto (T, 39k, WangXian, Road Trips, Modern, There Was Only One Bed, Slow Burn, Getting Together, Pining, Weddings, sibling relationships)

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3. hi, fic finder request! i know that it was a royalty au where lxc was the king and jgy was married to him, but from there my memory is vague... i seem to recall a scene (that may or may not have involved a mirror?) where jgy is using dark magic and eventually lxc and the rest of the lan family and kingdom find out the jgy is evil. jgy was using the dark magic to poison someone, either lxc or himself (?) TYSM for helping!!

FOUND? the lotus in between by whiteskyland (Not Rated, 22k, LXC/JC, LXC/JGY, WangXian, WIP, Angst, Whump, JC Needs a Hug, A/B/O, Alpha LXC, Omega JC, Alpha LWJ, Omega WWX, Arranged Marriage, Royalty, Hurt/Comfort, Omega JGY, JC Has No Golden Core)

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4. Hello! I'm I'm desperate to find a Wangxian fic with a Modern AU where JC wants to adopt a dog, and they recommend WWX to see a therapist or work at a veterinarian (I don't remember well) and that's where LWJ comes in. But supposedly he has a dark secret that he can't tell WWX, the thing is that I don't remember if it's a werewolf AU or something else like that. I honestly don't know if it's still on ao3, but I'll keep looking for it and I thought it was worth it to ask here if anyone remembers or knows this fic.

Maybe you'll have better luck that me, anyway thanks for listening to my ramblings!!!

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5. Hi! I’m looking for a fic that takes place in the cloud recesses era. When WWX is supposed to be punished, instead of copying the rules in the library, both WWX and LWJ teach the younger Lan disciples sword forms and fighting. During this time they bond and start a relationship.

I just remember a scene where they are putting away the wooden swords and they lock themselves in the shed (?) and start making out? (I think??).

Thanks! @estathom

FOUND! 💖 Magical Marriage Ribbons Series by starandrea (Varies, 1m, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Accidental Marriage, Fluff, Happy Ending, Telepathic bond, Kink Negotiation, Family Drama, Magical Pregnancy, Dual Cultivation, Shapeshifters, Modern with Magic, Immortality, Yilling Wei Sect, podfic) one of the magical marriage ribbon series, closer to the beginning // the second work

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6. I am looking for a canon-era fic where Wuxian was the son of Lan Qiren and Cangse Sanren. Neither Wuxian or Lan Qiren know this, as they both presume Wei Changze was Wuxian’s father. They learn the truth during the Cloud Recesses study arc when the class learns a talisman that writes out family trees. Qiren demands to take Wuxian from Lotus Pier and continue raising and teaching him in the Lan.

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7. hello! i'm trying to find a modern au wangxian fic where wwx is living with the wens and lwj is a performance artist coming to the (local) yiling gallery, and they meet again while lwj is doing his exhibition (he's like. running a booth where he just stares into the other person's eyes for like 10 minutes). it's on the shorter side - i want to say it's 3 chapters? @grillanarchy

FOUND! when you say nothing at all by sysrae (T, 5k, WangXian, Modern, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, artist LWJ, tattoo artist WWX, past angst, Getting Together, emotionally significant art installations, Soulmates)

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8. Hello.

I'm sorry for asking at the you are off. But it's been bugging my mind. I've read these fic before but i forgot the title and where i read it.

Do you know a fic its m/m where lan zhan and wei ying married and wei ying had a miscarriage so both of them go to somewhere and ended in a village. They lived in there for a while until wei ying got pregnant again and decided to go back to gusu?

And one fic where wei ying is pregnant and had been followed by the lan juniors while lan zhan gone to somewhere?

Please help me. @rottenapple116

FOUND! Sky, Cloud and Lotus by Xantya24 (M, 219k, WangXian, JC/LXC, LJY/LSZ/JL, WIP, Mpreg, A/B/O, Everyone Lives, Certain characters are dead as canon, Family Fluff, Angst, Sad with a Happy Ending, Miscarriage, Bullying, Graphic Description, Isolation, Dreams and Nightmares, Things can get fucked up)

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9. Hello! I'm searching for a fic where wei ying is actually the son of wen ruohan and cangse sanren. I only remember the part where wen ruohan visited lotus pier and saw wei ying being whipped to death by yu ziyuan and him being absolutely livid. I think wen xu was also there, he was really nice and showed wei ying the wen's market(?). thank you!!

FOUND? Scars of Lightning by The_peregrine_falcon (T, 6k, YZY & WWX, WWX & WRH, WangXian, YZY's A+ Parenting, Canon Divergence, Not Canon Compliant, Wen WWX, zidian, YZY is a bitch, Canon-Typical Violence, Blood and Injury, Major Character Injury, Heavy Angst, Lotus Pier, Nightless City, Young WWX, Muteness, Hurt kind of comfort) Though he's not WRH blood son but adopted son in it. WRH does see him get attacked by YZY though, somewhere in the middle of the fic

FOUND? The Littlest Sun by Kuroishuuha (T, 23k, WWX is a Wen, Wen Wuxian, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Alternate Universe, Good Parent WRH, Not YZY Friendly, Medical Inaccuracies, Family Fluff, Good Brother WX) It has WWX as WRH child and a shopping scene with WX.

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10. Hello I was suggested to seek help here to find fics that I have been trying to find for a really really long time. I hope you could help me with them.

A. The fic was set post canon where Lan Wangji seemed to have lost his memory of WWX and Wei Wuxian tries to help him get his memory back. This seems to be a common premise but what resonated me about the fic was that there was a use of a song to cure the memory loss and the song required lots of energy and thus Wei Wuxian had decided to play the song in parts and Wangxian navigate around eachother as LWJ slowly gets his memory back in snippets.

B. This one is set in post canon as well but this focuses much more on the relationship of Wei Wuxian with Lan Sizhui and Jin Ling. In this fic it seems that Wei Wuxian tends to favour Lan Sizhui above anyone else and thus Jin Ling gets jealous at this prospect. I don't remember many finer details of the story besides these.

10A)

FOUND! #10a sounds like "an effect (without a cause)" by astrobandit. It is no longer on Ao3. i have a pdf copy from the wayback machine if anyone needs it. ~the-marathon-continues-nip

10B)

FOUND! Not Yet (There As Needed) by sunrise_and_death (T, 13k, LSZ & WWX, JL & WWX, JL & LSZ, WangXian, Post-Canon, Family Feels, Family Bonding, POV LSZ, This Fic Has Everything, even more yearning, WWX & LSZ figuring out wtf their relationship is, Dramatic Revelations, JL being the contrary lil bean he is, all the juniors thinking WWX is the greatest thing to ever happen to them, and in case you missed it yearning)

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11. Hiiiii. Im looking for a fic where wei ying is either a tiger or wolf and he gets stuck in that form for awhile. I just remember he goes missing for awhile and lwj is looking for him - i think they are engaged or married then. Lwj finds him with sl and xxc. I think he gets stuck in that form after fighting wc or wzl or wx and he goes around trying to get a glimpse of someone in white or hes looking for lwj's scent?

Sorry its so vague 🙈 but thats all i remember

FOUND? 🔒 Unstoppable by Netrixie (T, 150k, WangXian, LXC & WWX, Canon Divergence, Eventual Happy Ending, Unreliable Narrator, Slow Burn, Minor Original Character(s), Cloud Recesses, Unresolved Sexual Tension, Unresolved Romantic Tension, Canon-Typical Violence, Canon-Typical Angst, Wolf-shifter WWX, Resolved Sexual Tension, Resolved Romantic Tension, Fix-It, Werewolf, Shapeshifters, Sunshot Campaign, Translation Available, Russian, Canonical Lan arm strength)

FOUND? The Tiger has Destroyed his Cage by updatebug (G, 54k, WangXian, JFM/YZY, Shapeshifters, Fix-it fic, Most people live, and the ones who don't were aholes anyway, Animal Pelts, Tiger WWX, Found Family, adopted famil, yYungmeng Siblings, LWJ is very confused, You can tell from his face, Canon appropriate angst and violence, Gratuitous OCs, If canon will not give me women I will make them, Jiang Sect) For the sake of propriety, since it's been a while since I last read either Tiger vers or Beast of Gusu, imma drop The Tiger Has Destroyed Its Cage for 11 as well sincd Beast of Gusu is already recced, and OP technically mentions both (and I /think/ the one op wants is Tiger verse rather than Beast of Gusu)

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12. Hiii

Thank you so much for all your hard work 💜

Can you please find me a fic where Lan Zhan and Wei Ying meet in a game. I think Wei Ying's avatar and Wen Chao's avatar were married and then Wen Chao divorced Wei ying's character and lan zhan offers a marriage proposal.

Then they meet and gradually fall in love in real life too

I think Hualian comes up in the fic where Hua Cheng is the owner of the company which created the game .

🩵🩵🩵🩵

FOUND? Dreams of Cultivation by mortuus_lingua (M, 97k, WangXian, LXC/JC, SL/XXC, HC & XL, Gaming, Wuxia, Nonbinary Character, Queer Themes, LWJ Uses Actual Words, Nonbinary NHS, Nonbinary XXC, BAMF WQ, Modern, Date Rape Drug/Roofies, Oblivious WWX, Protective JC, Cinnamon Roll WN, Developing Relationship)

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13. Hii! Im currently looking for a fic on ao3, about wwx crossdressing and faking being lwj wife. I dont remember if it was post ressurection or not, and i think wen qing might have been involved in the lie? But i could be wrong. There were two moments that i remember, that when wwx tells the truth to Lan qiren he reveals he already knew and that wwx fakes fainting at some point to shame someone over a rude remark.

FOUND? My Leaves Reach Ever for the Sun by nonplussed (T, 26k, WangXian, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fix-It, Crossdressing, Idiots in Love, Sharing a Bed, Canon Divergence, Happy Ending, Mutual Pining, Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies) if he's just pretending to have married LWJ

FOUND? The Amazing Adventures Of Jiang Xiaolian And Family by bumbledees (T, 71k, WangXian, JYL/JZX, JC/WN, Mild to Moderate Pining, lotus pier siblings quietly also have a penchant for chaos, WWX will make LQR like him whether the old man likes it or not, WWX just wants to have fun and not be killed and also to go to his sister's wedding, Mutual Pining, WWX is more stubborn than a boulder and twice as dense, Everybody Lives, nobody who matters anyways, except for WN, you're an angel and we're delighted you're here, WangXian canon is sad bitch let's get you some fun, "WWX fools the entire cultivation world", "and kicks up drama in front of their salad", testimonial from reader Vapid_Girl and a good summary of this fic, warnings for sexual harassment due to JGS, and for the canonical behavior of the jin clan ie war crimes, forced labor, human trafficking, etc., hello naughty jin cultivators it's revenge time :), jiang "rolling gay crisis" wanyin, wen "deserved better" qionglin, yunmeng bros feelings, copious use of bad language grace à JC, my oddball collection of headcanons concerning fierce corpses, WN has a playful streak, anyone friends with WWX has to have one on some level, Homophobia, Internalized Homophobia, extremely brief mention of something approaching a conversion camp but it's just two sentences, Happy Ending, Let JC Experience Happiness, WN is technically undead in this so uhhh warning for that, he's far more like a vampire than a zombie honestly, so JC gets his own YA supernatural romance novel basically, at least WN doesn't sparkle????, Crack Taken Mostly Seriously, like many of WWX's best ideas it starts as a joke!, purposeful baby aquisition, WWX when will you learn that there are consequences to your actions) if the marriage actually happens. // 100% sure that 13 is The Amazing Adventures of Jiang Xiaolian, I just finished reading that and it fits perfectly. // WWX pretends to faint in chapter 6 and LQR reveals he figured it out (and threw a teapot against the wall when he did so) in chapter 19.

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14. Hi! I'm looking for a fic that was funny I think, LWJ goes into the past, don't remember if it'd on purpose or not, it's the first night they meet, and instead of repeating the rules, he flirts with WWX and WWX can't handle it and I remember specifically LWJ thinking now I see why WWX teases, this is fun. And he says something along the lines of I won't tell anyone if you give me a kiss, and apparently LXC was there because they next day he says he didn't realize his brother was so smooth.

I've searched and searched (and got lost in new fics), if you guys are able to find it, that would be amazing!

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15. Thank you all for this glorious blog. I have a fic finder request. For a solid 3 months I have been trying to find it but alas. It's wangxian, f/f, on ao3. I think it's arranged marriage. Wangxian are married in any case but lwj isn't interested in anything but sex while wwx is very much in love with lwj. At some point, just as wwx starts thinking lwj might be softening toward her, she finds out that lwj is to have a concubine, Mianmian who lwj is old friends with. So wwx starts pulling away to give lwj opportunity to be with MM and is just very miserable.

I don't know for sure if wwx goes for a visit to Lotus Pier and that's where it happens or if she's holing up somewhere in Cloud Recesses, but Lwj goes to her and apologizes and they talk it through and there is a happy ending.

I BELIEVE it's 3 chapters but it could be 5. Anyway it's SO GOOD and I'm aching to reread it. @trulywicked

FOUND? Hello! For the Fic Finder posted on June 10th, #15 should be heliotrope by anonymous - it was deleted off ao3, but I was able to recover an epub from the ao3 archive in case anyone wants a copy. ~lilanko

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16. Hi, its my first time asking for a fic but i remember a jiang cheng centered fic which was about if jiang cheng found out bout the golden core transfer earlier. In that, wuxian doesnt die nor do the remanents and i was just wondering if you can find it because i cant remember what the name was. Thank you in advance^-^

FOUND? Rewrite the stars by Moonlit_dewdrops (T, 70k, JC & JYL & WWX, WangXian, JC/WQ, JYL & MM & WQ, Angst with a Happy Ending, Protective JC, yunmeng sibling love, Canon Divergence, Lives get saved, Yunmeng sibling bonding,bHurt/Comfort, Protective JYL, Golden Core Reveal, JYL & JZX Live, Fix-It, fuck JGS, JZN too, no one tolerating jin sect's bullshit, Found Family, JC GETS TO BE HAPPY AND IS MARRIED, JYL & WQ & MM GET TO BE SWORN SISTERS, WangXian Get a Happy Ending, Canon-Typical Violence, just a bit, WWX has PTSD due to Burial Mounds, Very protective younger bro vibes, soft JC, Family Feels, Healing, Not Everyone Dies, Twin Prides of Yunmeng Feels, WWX will get a New Golden Core, justice for the wen remnants)

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17. Hii, absolutely love your page. Have come across such great fics here. I am actually looking a for a Wangxian fanfic which I think was CQL post-canon. I remember just this part where LWJ & WWX were going to get married and like just one day before their marriage (by the way all the guests and sects are there at Cloud Recesses), someone releases a dog/wolf yao or something similar and WWX gets like critically injured trying to project Sizhui. I remember really loving the fic but I can’t seem to find it anywhere:( Would really appreciate it if you could perhaps find it <3<3

FOUND? The Boy with the Sunshine Smile by Witch_Nova221 (T, 153k, WangXian, Family Feels, Family Fluff, Post-Canon, Romance, Domestic Fluff, Romantic Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Warm and Fuzzy Feelings, Parenthood, Growing Up) the injury+aftermath are chapters 22 & 23

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18. Looking for a fic where WWX made these like talisman things that stored memories are smth like that and then he dies and when he comes back his memories/past were shown to the cultivation world through those talismen and everyone is like “he’s a good guy!” and JC and LWJ tag along with WWX

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19. I'm looking for a wangxian fic :D I believe it was a characters-watching-their-series or watching-a-character's memories kind of fic, but where it was shown in songs. I specifically remember the characters watching married wangxian to the song Dandelions by Ruth B, and I think WWX's parents may have been there as well, so potentially there was a little bit of time magicky stuff too? Thank you for your help! @shieldherostuffs

FOUND? Mo Dao Zu Shi: The Musical by Loveable_Psychopath (Not Rated, 117k, WIP, WangXian, Time Travel, Fix-it, Song Fic, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Underage Drinking, Underage Smoking) The song is in the last chapter

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20. Hi! Can you help me find a fic? It's a (sort of) time travel fix-it where the Lans (LWJ and LQR are the ones i remember the most) are nice to WWX and it confuses him a lot. I remember a scene where WWX was asking about the "energy is energy" thing, expecting to get kicked out of the class by LQR, but he gets his answer calmly(?) and confused on why some of the Lans look like they're nostalgic from what he just said

FOUND? Cluster of Clouds by Nika_Raven_Celeste (T, 20k, WangXian, LWJ & WWX, LQR & WWX, JC & WWX, WIP, Time Travel, The Lans from Post Canon Time Traveled to Cloud Recesses Study Era, ALL The Lans from Post Canon, The Lans ADORES WWX, Confused WWX, Soft LQR, Soft LWJ , LWJ CAN communicate, Not JC Friendly , not YZY Friendly, Genius WWX, Horny LWJ, but he still has some restraints, Oblivious WWX)

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[hiraethwrote]

fic authors self rec! when you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five of your other fave writers. spread the self-love!

omgggg quinn, love of my life, for the tag MWAH 🩷🩷 i actually remember when would you feel the noise was posted, my gooood you’re so talented. bet your ass im rereading soon

this tag is so sweet — we could all do with some self love these days, as we all have a tendency to be to harsh on ourselves. so here are my five faves of my owne fics

i’ve always known

you'd known each other since childhood, growing as close as two people could grow. there was not anything you didn't do together. but life doesn't always cooperate, creating hurdles even for the most tightknit relations (satoru gojo x f!reader, 17.0k words)

this fic will forever be my most cherished baby. this was a love letter to satoru, lol. we were all so depressed after the chapter 261 leaks and so in my sorrow i wrote this. not only is this the longest fic i’ve written, but i wrote it less than two months after i made this blog. it was the first of my works that gained some traction, ig, and kickstarted the blog for real

the heart grows fonder

kento nanami loved you before he even knew you, and his feelings were the one thing he never questioned. like pieces of a puzzle, you fit together. whatever happens, your feelings never waver (kento nanami x f!reader, 10.1k words)

this is the first request i ever received, which is such an honor. someone trusted me to put their idea into words — and even though it turned out sm longer than planned, i am so proud of what i actually created. i feel like i really managed to capture nanami, while including my trademark angst and bittersweetness hehe

i’ll make you miss me

if asked, both of you would probably just describe your relatioship as purely physical, seeing as he sleeps with anything that moves. but after one of your drunken nights together, things get heated and there might be something more hidden under the surface of your relation (ryomen sukuna x f!reader, 11.4k words)

the song came in my discover weekly last summer, and the idea for this one blossomed straight away. i remember i considered having it end on a cliffhanger at about 7k words, but couldn’t be bothered with all the requests for a pt2 so i just powered through in one fic. it turned out sm better than i had expected, and the reception has gone way beyond what i anticipated which i so appreciate <3

untitled hurt/bittersweet comfort

battered and beaten, you try your very best to heal your lover after battle — one you thought would be his last. nothing compares to the feeling of his heartbeat when you thought you’d never hear it again (satoru gojo x gn!reader, 1.5k words)

again, chapter leaks had me in my feelings. chapter 271 broke us gojo stans for real (we don’t have it easy) so i basically wrote this in one sitting while being severely down in the dumps. yall know me, satoru angst is my trademark

a ticket in your name

the charity auction you're in charge of is closing in, and there's still a ticket reserved in his name. your executives are on your neck about wanting a clear answer if the pro player will be able to attend - with no regards for the fact that you broke up three months ago (tobio kageyama x f!reader, 5.8k words)

idk if this is one of my faves, but it holds a special place in my heart nonetheless. the idea came to me loooooong ago, but i didn’t have a character that fitted the story how i wanted to. fast forward, i get obsessed with hq and my fave lil grumpy guy just embodied this story

no pressure tags : @hiraethwa @shouyuus @lale-txt @verisoul @meowdei 🩷🩷

[goldencuffs]

genuinely that snippet you linked in the latest ask gave me palpitations. the thing that carries me through it all is the fact that you once said damen and laurent will always have a happy ending for you. so yes, while i love meself some good ol angst, im absolutely looking forward to how you resolve that (BECAUSE YOURE SO GOOD AT IT!!! so excited to see what youre grace us with next, idec how long its gonna take ahahah)

omgggggg thank you so much!!!! 🥹❤️😭 i'm the same--as much as i love senseless fluff, nothing gets to me more than a story that's 99% angst and has that satisfying, happy ending 😮‍💨

AND YES while most of this fic is laurent sad and pining and damen being a dick, they do indeed have a very happy ending!!!! it made me cry when i wrote the outline LMAO

i really wish i could post more snippets but besides that opening scene damen and laurent haven't interacted much... yet. here's two seperate scenes just because!

"Look who's here," Coach said. There was the sound of backs being slapped. "Damen smelt your cooking and wanted to come right over. That's a credit to you Laurent."

Laurent didn't look up. "Aimeric cooked most of it."

"That's right, gorgeous, and there's plenty more where that came from. Believe me, I'm very skilled."

Coach laughed, as he did with most things Aimeric said. He didn't even seem bothered that Aimeric was openly flirting with his star player. He seemed charmed, actually, and Laurent's nape prickled. He didn't lift his head, but he did pull out an extra bowl and placemat.

Coach ruffled his hair as he walked past. Laurent threw him a brief smile, tried to make it seem natural, because his whole body was singing with tension.

Damen came close; Laurent smelt him before he saw him. Fresh, clean, woody--it was so familiar, Laurent's heart sped up, a subconscious response.

He looked up. Their eyes met. Laurent's heart kicked into overdrive.

Damen said, "Soup? Seriously? It's a hundred degrees."

And just like that, all his complicated feelings died in his chest. Laurent scowled and put the bowl and mat away.

❤️

So Laurent was surprised when Damen said, "Let's go out for dinner. I'm hungry."

"What?" Laurent said, pushing himself up on his elbows.

It was late; they had only fucked once today because Damen had been in training and Laurent had been in class all day. It wasn't a cool, breezy night like the other day; it was muggy and thick. Laurent's skin stuck to the sheets of Damen's bed.

"Are you fucking deaf?" Damen snapped. He was already dressed and showered, shoving that ugly baseball cap on his head. "Hurry up, you have ten minutes."

Laurent shot up; from experience he knew Damen would make good on his threat and leave him here. He yelped when Damen smacked his bare ass as he rushed past him on the way to the bathroom.

It was the quickest shower of Laurent's life; he had already taken one before he arrived here, so he didn't feel too gross by the time he stepped out again.

He rushed downstairs; Damen was already waiting, impatient, car keys in his hand.

"Can I drive?" Laurent said.

Damen huffed. "Funny."

The Cadillac was a thing of beauty. Laurent had grown up with fast cars his entire life. Coach obviously had a few, but Hennike and Auguste loved them too. Auguste had a Quattroporte. Hennike had had a vintage Aston Martin. When she had died, Laurent had fantasies of driving it for himself, but Coach had promptly sold it.

The Cadillac was special, though. It was rare to see Damen so excited about something, but Laurent remembered long, winter nights where they had huddled in bed together, going over all the specs, handles, and metrics of the car. Laurent learned about analog guages and different cuts of leather and even Bakelite by the time Damen had decided he had wanted to purchase it.

Except, Damen had taken Jokaste to buy the car. He had dumped Laurent three nights before.

Still, that didn't really affect how Laurent felt about the car. It was all sleek wood panelling and fresh, fragrant leather. It was pretty big too; he and Damen had tested that theory early on by fucking in the backseat.

"Don't cross your legs on the seat, for fucks sake," Damen snapped as they backed out of the driveway.

"I took off my shoes," Laurent muttered, already pulling out his phone.

[chrissturniolosbitch]

fic idea !!

reader thinks chris is cheating in her but finds out he isn’t, then he comforts her and makes it up to her😏😏😏😏😏

YOURS TRULY

a/n: this was requested by my baby KATIEEE

summary: y/n thinks chris is cheating on her but when she finds out he isn't then he makes it up to her.

warnings: hate, angst, smutty smut, language, and sex.

--------------------------------------------------------

Chris has always told me to ignore the hate comments, and his fans that 'dont like me.'

He tells me that there just 'jealous' and that 'they want to be you.'

I never felt this way tho.

Yesterday nick asked me if i wanted to be in this fridays instagram photo dump, "sure!" i said happily.

tonight I was going through the comments that we posted on the insta post. I scrolled the whole way down.

'why the fuck is she here?'

'shes tryna steal my man huh?'

none of these comments bothered me alot, but there was on particular comment that really got to me...

'i hope she knows chris is cheating on her ugly ass🤣'

8,391 likes?

'i knew he was cheating on me.' i thought to myself. God im so fucking stupid. I shouldve known.

Why would a man like chris want to be with a girl like me y/n?

tears started to form in my eyes, and my throat started hurting.

I got up from the couch, and started to walk down the steps to chris' room.

When i got there i knocked on the door, "come in!" he yelled loud enough for me to here. I opened the door and the tears from my eyes started falling.

"Baby?" he said getting up from his bed running over to me, "whats wrong y/n? talk to me mama?" he said caressing my cheek, and grabbing my jaw forcing me to look at him, "a-are you cheating on me chris?" i said hesitant.

He looked at me for a good 10 seconds before he started speaking, "why would you ever think that y/n." he said furrowing his brows. More tears started falling down my cheeks.

chris finally put 2-and-2 together.

"you fucking believe them?" he said chuckling at his remark, "w-what?" i said looking up at him wiping the tears fron my face, "you believe those bitch ass kids in our comment section?" he said pulling me to his bed, sitting me down.

"no chris, i mean. Yes?" i said playing with the rings on my fingers, "here" he said handing me his phone. I looked up at him confused.

"cmon take it" he said waving his phone at me.I grabbed his phone, and looked back up at him.

i already knew the password so I opened it, and started going through his stuff.

messages✅

snap✅

instagram✅

photos✅

I shut his phone off, and looked up at him. He had one hand on his hip with a smug look on his face, "see baby. Youre the only girl i want." he said smiling at me.

I starting laughing at chris, and myself. Why would i believe anything his 'fans' say half of them fantasize about him anyways?

"c'mere" he said laying down beside me practically in the middle of the bed patting his lap. I turned over and straddled him.

"let me make it up to you." he said flipping us over. I felt the familiar heat start to grow in between my legs, "lets get to work then" i said. As soon as those words left my mouth he started kissing me

When he got down my neck, and too my chest he tugged at my shirt. I nooded. He pulled my shirt off, "no bra huh?" he said smirking. I shook my head giggling at his comments.

He started kissing my chest grabbing my left boob, taking my nipple into his mouth, i moaned loudly at his action. He suddenly put his hand over my face detaching his mouth from my tit, "shh baby, you dont want anyone to hear us." he said reattaching himself to me.

I nodded and closed my eyes.

He moved over to my right boob and showed it the same amount of love he showed the other.

moving on from my chest, down my stomach causing butterflies to float in it, and to my aching heat.

"may i?" he said looking at me with doe eyes, "please chris, fuck" I said bucking up my hips waiting impatiently for him to touch me.

He pulled my pants, and lace white panties off in one swift moment I shivered at the cold touch on my now bare body.

Chris immediately started eating me out like i was his last meal. I arched my back, and dug my hands in his hair moaning quietly, he groaned at my taste, "fuck mama you tase so good" he said diving back in for more.

He started tongue fucking me, swirling his tongue around my clit, and folds.

I felt a familiar knot forming in my stomach, "chris im gonna- fuck im gonna cum" i said pulling harder on his hair, "go ahead baby, cum on my face." he said circling his tongue faster than ever over me.

waves of pleasure washing over me. The knot in my stomach begging to be untied.

Chris sure did know how to work his tongue because in one swift moment i was releasing all over chris' face, and tongue.

"fuck baby" he said as he began licking my cunt clean, i bucked my hips at the sensitivity, "i know baby im sorry" he said as he ran to the bathroom grabbing a wash cloth.

He started wiping me up. When he was done he grabbed me panties, and a fresh love crewneck to put on.

"baby" i said tired, "i wanna make you feel good too." i said as my eyes starting closing, "theres always tomorrow" he said chuckling, as he layed beside me, "plus tonight was supposed to be for you my love" he kissed my cheek, and lips.

"thank you chris, for always making me feel good. Not just sexually" he laughed at my statement, "but mentally. You mean so much to me baby i love you." i said giggling at him.

"thats what im here for right" he pulled me into him spooning me.

We kissed on last time before we fell asleep.

--------------------------------------------------------

rq by: ( @kvtie444 )

[plvt0-booked]

Story idea

OK, so I've had this story idea for a while

So I've been a nerd for greek mythology for years, and a simp for specifically Apollo for years (PJO, ToA, RoR, NOT Lore Olympus tho, Thanatos and Hermes are my bbgs there). And this story idea practically revolves around greek mythology

Here's the concept: (not sure if it's gonna be oc or reader yet, but I'm leaning towards oc fic at the moment, but I'm bad at describing physical characteristics, at least in my opinion) anyways- mc is Daphne, yes, the same daphne that hated Apollo. BUT, she is also Hyacinth #reincarnation.

Yes, a reincarnation story. And yes, she ALWAYS dies. A little inspiration from the 19 lives k-drama (forgot title sorri) But there's a twist, after making a deal with some mysterious deity, mc reincarnates in every alternate universe with many alternate possibilities. After being reincarnated a certain number of times (im not gonna specify how many times yet) lived many, many lives she can have an immortal life with Apollo (if he still wants her).

Yes, I'm a little freak and can't go for just one story. NOoooOooo, I want her to reincarnate to every freaking fandom ik, bc im a sucker for reaction fics. Yes, this will also be a reaction fic where every fandom I know will be involved. I'm sorry if im bouncing off ideas and you cant follow (assuming people will even bother reading this, oops)

Here are the fandoms that may or may not be involved:

Main:

Epic the Musical, Percy Jackson, (maybe) Record of Ragnarok, The Hunger Games, X-Men, and more to be added

Others (some may be in the fic, or maybe a separate like one-shot book just dedicated to the lives they lived and can be read separately as well):

Duchess Era? (Bridgerton cameo?), Marvel cameo, Harry Pottah, Remarried Empress (idk, chances it could very well be mixed into the Bridgerton episode/chapter/arc) , Arcane (has high chances be part of the main storyline, but idk how it could work yet, we'll see) , AOT (im a monster), Harry Potter? (Its a huge franchise idk), Genshin reincarnation is a MUST IM ADDICTED, HSR, Hazbin Hotel and/or Helluva Boss, SIX the Musical, MHA

As I am still in the planning phase, nothing is confirmed Yet. I could just dump this to my brain's archives and leave it like I left the rest of my ideas behind, but this has been stuck in my head since like, November? actually it goes way beyond that.

I just didnt know how I would express it or even make it make any sense.

Then, it occured to me, I didnt have to.

I have free will, I can post like 3 chapters and leave it for a year or dedicate time and attention and planning and finish the thing.

I actually have 2 chapters drafted and a map/plan of how things should go, because I really really want it to make sense and work.

AND THIS WILL ALSO BE A SONGFIC

Altogether just- songfic, reincarnation, reaction fic, crossover fic, and more.

That's all for now. bye bye

[kingdomofpink]

here's the rest of the oc ask meme, I just ended up filling out the rest of it for fun and I figured I wouldn't get anymore asks anyway so I'll just dump it all here. under the cut bc its long

Describe your OC physically- what do they look like? What notable features do they have, or what’s your favorite part of their design?

Neera- Neera's a pale bitch, she wears sunscreen every single day because she HATES getting sunburnt, that shit is SO annoying literally leave her alone. She has never given a shit about her hair but she doesn't cut it because she can't be bothered and it's a waste of money in opinion so she just throws it up and out of the way all the time but like sometimes she uses it as bait, like when bailey's trying to beat her ass for flaking out on payment, he always grabs her hair and that means he's not putting his hands anywhere else. Notable features would be uhhh her ahoge! i kinda use it as an indication of her emotional state in a very minor way? it wasnt intended at first but i started to notice i would draw it a certain way in her more lewd drawings so im making it a thing now As for fav part of her design, i think id say eyes because they're easy to draw and her expression usually remains the same blank/stoic one and its becoming muscle memory and i dont have to struggle with it lmao

Avis- When starting his save I went LARGE BODY immediately bc ive never played with it before and it has been LIFE CHANGING, BRO HE KICKS ASS IN GAME, so uh, he's tall and built, that's canon now, i was gonna do plain black hair but then my brain went "what if purple color theme tho" bc i like to color code my ocs so its like an dark midnight fig/eggplant color with the highlights because i liked it. anyway his eyes are like so black you can only see his pupil from like melee distance which means you are a target now, sorry there's no escaping now, and there's no reason in particular for this color except i like it on male chars a lot, i think its hot Notable features, not to be obvious points at fox tf. and ofc his demon tf, but he hides that because when it comes to ppl who can see his tf's, some of them will just look back and forth between them like, two things on head, two tails what- and he really just went, pick ONE so i wanna say demon tf generally only shows when he's using his demonic abilities or he's too horny to control it fav design-- EARS AND TAIL SORRY TO BE A FREAK BUT i wanna pet him, my fuzzy little bastard and i think he would kill me for it. it was def a struggle trying to figure out how to draw them at first but i think i figured it out, i cannot recall any other ocs i have that have animal ears WHICH IS SAD BC THEY'RE FUN but a lot of my ocs are set in universes where uhh those are impossible so i purposefully hunted for fox tf for him bc i wanted it and i thought it would make him hot

What is their stance on religion? Are they a devout believer, against the idea of gods, or somewhere in between? Do they make their practice or their opinions public, or keep it private?

Neera- Neera is an initiate on a technicality, uhh she has her virginity and she wanted to do the trial of purity to kind of… work on her pain tolerance? so she can hold off longer when she's assaulted (in game reason is to raise willpower) and also she'll take the free money once a month. she's not going to care about her grace increasing or decreasing simply because she's using the temple for her own benefit, but internally she kind of despises it as a system, considering how many times she's gotten molested by a member of the church just by literally going in there (lichen, geting the artifact from the rooms) and she's like "you fucking hypocrites" this is another instance of her NOT giving a shit about being a tattletale and goes to tell jordan and just never goes into the temple unless absolutely necessary

Avis- The temple is a JOKE to Avis, these guys preach about purity and and the innate goodness of humans and hes somewhere in the back, rolling his eyes and gagging (or fucking a cute nun who thought she could take advantage of him and instead gets railed in one of the pews) bro is so cynical and doesn't hide it. They're either snakes just like him or they're naive little bugs he has NO interest in interacting with

How do they act when they’re sick, and does it change depending on who they’re around or how sick they are?

Neera- "I don't get sick." shoves her out of the way Yes she does, see Neera likes to present the image of her having no weaknesses, but she can and does get sick. Not very often simply because she's neurotic about preventitive measures but when she DOES get sick she DISAPPEARS, she will lock herself away and just perservere until she's fine again. She does not want anyone seeing her in a weak state because then they'll take advantage of her ofc, what tf else would they do

Avis- This man… becomes even BITCHIER when he's sick if you can believe it. if he doesn't feel good it is now the problem of EVERYONE in his vicinity, note: he is not any less invulnerable, in fact he now has less of an interest of making a game out of you if you bother him, he will simply destroy you. If high love/relationship with him in general he would want to be taken care of, only in the sense of, "ofc you should take care of me, who else plays with you so well?" He really becomes the worlds most annoying man and somehow his ego is even more present in this state

Neera- Weak to both, she overheats so easily, she will go out of her way to not spend time outdoors when its hotter than 80 F (26C), because she hates sweating. She doesnt like being in the sun either. Cold is one she prefers, like her ideal room temp is low 70s (20C) cause she can just throw on a jacket or snuggle in a blanket. She fucking hates snow however, thinks its a mushy mess and forces her to wear socks when she's sleeping because her hands and feet become ICE cold easily

Avis- He has no preference towards one or the other. His tail provides him warmth is he's somwhere cold for too long, but his clothes are decent enough for that so it's usually just him shoving his hand into the fur if his hands get too cold for his liking. And when it comes to the heat, bro will take any opportunity to do away with his clothes. He's a showoff with a huge ego, and likes when people ogle him.

Share a sentence of dialogue from your OC that you think represents them well.

Neera- I don't think I have actual dialogue written for her in anything specific (yet) So unfortunately this one will have to come in the future

Avis- "I could make things really fun for you if you'd like. All you have to do is agree to be my toy. I promise to treat you well. (lie)"

What does their bed and/or desk look like? Tidy or cluttered - are they both the same, or is one neat and the other messy?

Neera- Organized clutter for both. Her desk is where she keeps almost all of her frequently used materials- books, sewing supplies, letters from her mother, school assignments, etc. The same can be said for her bed. This is her place of comfort and kind of a 'sacred' space to her as she doesn't let people in her room willingly unless she trusts them. Her bed is the ultimate form of that. She has many pillows and comfortable blankets and plush toys she sleeps against at night, (in my head this lowers her trauma hen she sleeps in her bed without interruption) and she okayed the money spent in the knowledge that it brings her continuous comfort.

Avis- Aint a damn thing besides a pillow and blanket on his bed (two pillows as an adult, ooh luxurious) gets in the way of sex, why would he do that unless its a toy, but the toys are much better place on his toy instead. His desk is mostly unused, he's got a little flip calendar on it and a deck of cards he swiped from Wren and then just has a cheap notepad he uses for school related stuff. he doesn't put effort into any of the school projects, he just does them when they interest him or he wants the reward but he won't spend longer than an hour at his desk. He keeps candlesticks on his desk and nightstand for reasons you can probably guess, but a fun initial thought with the one on his nightstand is he will fully just toss a lit candle at the gooners that pay Bailey to molest him in his sleep. It's very amusing to him.

How do they deal with pain (physical or emotional)?

Neera- In encounters, Neera is a manipulative bitch. Max school skills has her pain tolerance high and her apologizing and pleading interactions at max effectiveness and she uses that to her advantage. She's used to pain but she doesn't like it. She's learned to compartmentalize it in the moment to prevent others from taking advantage of her in a weak moment. Physical and emotional she bottles it up and swallows it. It will never get out.

Avis- This bitch is a MASSIVE SADIST, inflicting pain gets him off and he has such high willpower he can still keep kicking your ass mid nut. When that pain is inflicted on him however? He just gets annoyed, pissed off. If he was trying to have fun with it (a noncon encounter where he tried to switch positions with his assaulter? he'd get so bored and just fight them off and go about his day.) But if it was a consensual encounter and this person tries to Dom him and get all uppity? Haha, no. He will make one of two decisions, turn it into a noncon encounter where THEY are the victim and use them until he's bored, or make an example of them and beat them within an inch of their life so they never make such an amateur mistake again. Oh and emotional pain uhh.. as of this moment in time I cannot think of anything that would hurt his feelings. Not a one… (perhaps he has no feelings idk, he simply bastard)

How comfortable are they relying on other people, and what situations would change their comfort level?

Neera- She internalized her childhood before the Orphanage so much that literally nothing has changed her outlook on the world and leaving the youth ward only reinforced it actually. Her trust in others is all but completely withered, even if she cares about people like Robin, or the other orphans, she doesn't trust any of them. In an event where they had to choose to help her or save themselves, she knows they would save themselves and she doesn't blame them for it. So she doesn't "rely" on other people, she makes deals, interactions are transactional and an equal amount of give and take. Which to her, when she 'receives' help, she repays her debt in some way via monetary payment or something they want from her (within reason) and when she 'gives' it's usually like how she is with the orphans, she protects them because she wants to. It makes her feel better, strong, like she's worth something. Other people relying on her feels good, but relying on others is scary because she doesn't see herself as worthy of being cared for.

Avis- Literally why would he ever rely on someone else. He can take care of himself and even take care of others (sexually) when he wants so what's the point. He's not weak and things always go his way so he's never put in a vulnerable position where he needs to consider relying on someone else. His peers are weaker than him and adults are just as bad if not worse than he is so he wouldn't trust them as far as he could throw them. But he would absolutely blackmail them (Leighton) because that's fun.

How does your OC take up space? What do they do with their hands when they talk, or how do they sit in chairs?

Neera- She's so neutral in most scenarios that she gives off npc energy. She sits like, freakishly proper not even on purpose it's just how her body moves, it's giving robot. If she's sitting in any kind of reclined chair that's back even a little bit too far she's sitting in it at like a 90 degree angle uncomfortably, or she will pull the back up so she can sit at a 90 degree angle comfortably. The most natural you will see her is in her room, and if you got in there? Congrats you tamed the feral animal. She curls up into a ball around her cow plush when she sleeps, she looks so small and it's the most 'human' she looks in a frequent occurance. If she's having a conversation with someone her arms/hands like.. don't give at all, but she's one of those people where if you held something out to her she would hold it and continue talking like nothing happened and not acknowledge it unless you brought it up.

Avis- This man is cock and balls out in everything he does, he thinks he's so cool and so important and that everyone loves him or they're wrong. He spreads his legs pussy out to face the world on the subway and does NOT move or give space if an old person or pregnant person gets on the same car as him. If he's having a normal conversation with someone /this has never happened ever/ (ex: Niko or Brooke) he's got his hands in his pockets like he's so chill and cool, probably talking about pervert shit they is so absolutely atrocious and would be censored on any TV airing from 6am to midnight. And with someone he's like playing or flirting with his hands are so active and touchy, touching their hair, their face, leaning against the wall as he gets in close (kabedon). Personal space? No it's our space, actually no it's his space and you're just there too.

What are three moments in their life that impacted your OC the most?

Neera- The day her father died, the day her mother got admitted to the Asylum (and the day she was sent to the Orphanage), The day she left the youth ward and realized she was never going to have a chance at a comfortable life no matter how much she wanted it

Avis- (I wanna say he got his demon tf first so) When he got the full demon tf, his instincts changed and molded even more towards his extremely perverse nature that he has now, being entirely sex brained but now he feels stronger because of it. Meeting Wren; he mostly survived off of stealing semi valuable things to get by, paying off Bailey when he felt like it just to not have that particular annoyance hanging over his head, and when he met Wren, he was able to get into more… high risk high reward situations that awarded his current wealth. For the third one I want to leave it kind of open and ambiguous as a pc interaction like "YOU! Could make a huge impact on this terrible man's life!" Because in all seriousness you can. It's hard, but it's possible. If he didn't have his fox tf, it would be impossible, but because of it, he can be swayed to be in a monogamous relationship (per universe because everyone deserves to fuck this asshole if they so choose to do so) and "guided" to be gentler and more caring towards a pc that has built a relationship with him.

If they can or would drive, what would their car be like? Not gonna go super in depth on these ones bc im not a car person and i dont/cant drive Neera-She'd have something basic like an suv she did like minimal research into of being the like… safest to drive and crash survivability. She wouldn't like a small, lower to the ground car, cause they' just make her feel claustrophobic.

Avis- I'm gonna b e honest with you guys, it would be some kind of convertable or big fancy truck because 1. he likes to show off and and he would have fun parking somewhere semi public and fucking you in it (convertable-top rolled down, truck- in the truck bed)

How do they connect with the people around them? Love language, how they offer comfort, etc.

Neera- I'm gonna be real with you guys, this girl is so awkward internally, she doesn't know how to connect with people, which is why she wonders why people are interested are interested in her at all (Alex for one but she supposes it's due to her being the only non hostile interaction since he lives alone on his farm) her love language? I guess in the most general sense is acts of service? Protecting the orphans from bullies, paying for Robin's debt, making sure Yunie is hydrated and fed, etc. She's kind of a silent comforter, offering a hug if they want or wiping (licking) their tears. (Receiving, she would like physical touch the most)

Avis- At the risk of sounding like I'm repeating myself-- sex. He rarely has non sexual relationships with people he isn't forced to interact with on a recurring basis (i.e. Bailey, the teachers, etc.) So like even when he isn't actively having sex with someone to satiate his needs, his conversations revolve mostly around sex as well, talking about what or who he did recently. His love language… I'm not entirely sure? I think it's something that could vary depending on the PC he's "in a relationship" with, and he would cater to what he thinks would make them happy/appeased as an entirely calculated move.

[goldlightsaber]

i think it’s time i leave this blog.

i won’t delete it (i’ve done that before with a former blog that was way more popular and regretted it), but im not on here much anymore and i want to start a new chapter by leaving it dormant.

i think this blog served it’s purpose of my coping during the pandemic and during a time that was very difficult for me on personal level, outside of the pandemic.

highlights were finding the succession fandom, succession posting, and occasionally having a hit post.

i made some pretty angry, anxious, wild, emotional, and neurotic posts on here. i needed an outlet in my lonely life and i wanted an audience because sometimes you really want someone to witness your pain. i’m better now, though, so i wanna close what has been a very public, intense diary.

i’ve overshared more than i ever would’ve done in the past and more than i think i was ever actually comfortable with.

sorry to anyone i pissed off or made uncomfortable with my posting. i know i’ve bothered people — i’ve gotten into disagreements and had people unfollow me and all the unpleasant things.

i certainly wasn’t very happy during the majority of my time running this blog. and despite what it seemed like, i was always semi-conscious of how slightly unstable and trauma dump-y it all sounded? and i was unstable, and indeed, recovering from being traumatized. when you’re stressed, lonely, and (i hate to use this “excuse”) suffering with mental illness, you can become someone you don’t recognize — which was me during the majority of this blog. i had a lot of ugly, intense feelings (still do, tbh) that needed an out, and this is where i came to release them, because tumblr has always been that space for me where i could let go.

still, i’m kind of embarrassed by the way i acted and by some my posting, and i wanna be better.

and since i’ve gradually been recovering and feel better, this feels like the next best step. i’m still struggling with a lot of things, but i’ve moved into my life more, and i wanna continue doing that.

thank you to anyone who replied, listened, was kind, gave advice and support. thank you to anyone who has shared a fandom space with me!!!!! what a necessary coping mechanism getting feral about fictional characters can be (kendall roy #1 boy forever). it has all meant a lot!

goodbye for now!!!

[glittercake]

all this AI stuff is upsetting but being really honest, i did used the AI detection tool for some work i know is 100% human (trust the author or it was written pre-2019, which was def before chatgpt)...and chapters or the first 15k characters of the text come out between 0% (great!) to 30% AI (okay, time to look at the text more closely) generated. for works that are are not or could not possibly be AI generated.

i dunno, the two that were 70% to 80% AI generated were easier to clock. but people's hard work being called AI because some random website decided that the sentence "yes, yes, yes" was probably generated by AI is also disheartening. AI fucking sucks but the idea that some random tool known for constantly scraping the web to improve its models (and realistically, AO3 can't stop it, only "discourage" it but the scraper has to choose to respect that, i think) gets to be the one to determine what's human is just as discouraging.

i think you're right to call this out and it's not dramatic at all, maybe im being down in the dumps because now i'm looking at any fic published after 2021 sideways (esp before people knew what chatgpt actually did in the early days). but the state of fandom recently makes me think "why bother trying? im up against the computer or people who think im using a computer" because there's no way to prove i am the human who wrote it without being like 'here, actually this computer says im the human.'

Idk if you saw the recent post i made about this whole thing but it might bring you some comfort as to why we're getting these kinds of results on things we didn't expect.

Just know those detectors aren't always accurate. We should look at this from all angles and consider all possibilities. Ai text detection is but one element of it.

Fics from 2019-ish showing a positive ai result is likely due to reasons i discussed in that post and not because someone slopped it together.

I'm going to continue enjoying fandom the way i always have. I think we all should. We've been at it for too long to let the bots win.

These fuckers will eventually expose themselves because it's never about the joy of writing/sharing for them. It is about instant validation and attention.

[nephblrus]

some andy crenshaw lore paste dump

(andy is visually impaired, 19 and has a guidefish named snickers!)

andy’s vision got. progressively worse as he got older. he was always pretty blind but when he was younger he could see fine with glasses and a heavy prescription. always a little off balance but he managed. when he was 8 he started losing his peripheral vision, just slowly getting blurrier (even with glasses) and dimmer. around 14 his eyesight was to the point where glasses weren’t quite enough, he couldnt see 6 feet in front of him, and started learning to use a cane around school and going out with his mom or friends.

buttttt… for his 14th birthday his parents surprised him with the news that he was gonna be getting a guidefish (which andy had been talking a lot about) and he was SO excited. got to meet young snickers (who had already been training for a year already) and play with him, and over the next little while he’d go to the training place once a week to train with him! (since andy had never had a guide animal before)

when andy was 15 snickers was fully trained and ready to go home with him :) and he was SO happy. felt so independent and loved snickers to death. it was a bit of an adjustment at school, had a bit of issue at the start with people distracting snicks and asking to pet him, but no one bothered him too much. andy was a really nice dude and got along with everyone. respected him and snickers

at 15 his peripheral was pretty much gone, but with his glasses he could see decently as long as it was far enough away. close up was really blurry, he couldn’t read, relied fully on braille like he had been since he was younger.

started playing turf at 16. liked long range weapons. started with a hydra, since he could see much clearly from far away and playing as a backliner meant he didn’t really have to be in the heat of the game. eventually switched to chargers because someone pointed out how good his aim was. settled on elitre. got really good with it. like really good.

there was just one issue. not a lot of people wanted to play with him regularly. they’d play a few games after randomly matching with him, but then after realizing he’s visually impaired, they saw him as nothing but a disadvantage, despite praising him previously for his aim. they saw him as a weakness. didn’t want him on their team. it annoyed him a lot. he wasn’t even allowed to play competitively, the judges felt it was unfair for both him and other players for andy to compete with how severe his vision loss was. he thought it was bullshit, but learned to roll with it. make the best out of it. played a lot of soloq, was still his regular, friendly, happy self.

then he met these 2 octolings after a game. pretty thick octarian accent, introducing themselves as Cider and Azure. the latter being… where was that voice coming from?

“i’m down here jackass”

andy looked down a little more, trying to pinpoint his eyes on something without them shaking, settling on a blue blob. laughed it off, going “sorry, i’m blind, i’m andy”

andy doesn’t see it, but azure’s face drops immediately while cider starts laughing.

the voice coming from the blue blob (he’s pretty sure that one’s Azure) goes “oh my god this is a terrible first impression. im gonna restart. im azure. and short. and uh. not blind? you look really cool my buddy here wanted to say hi”

azure gets smacked in the back of the head by cider, who whispers “you wanted me to say hi”

“DUDE”

andy just laughs at them slightly, liking their vibes. azure grabs his hand and puts it on his head and goes “im down here! anyways. you play anarchy?”

“he just said he’s blind”

“HES HOLDING AN ELITRE”

andy chuckles a little more and goes “i play turf. i can kinda see, it’s just like… a scope. i can’t see up close at all, yknow”

“you should play anarchy with us!!!”

“uhhh…”

cider shuts azure up. “im sorry about him. what he’s trying to say is that he thinks you look fun and if you’re ever interested in playing anarchy with some people we’d be down. or even to like- go get lunch”

“oh! well, yknow sure why not”

azure jumps up and goes “like right now?”

“sure?”

“YEAHAHHAHA LETS GO you’re gonna be a fun guy i can tell”

andy laughs again, going goes “just uh, i have a guidefish, lemme go get him. i’m not actually sure how to get to the anarchy floor”

azure whispers “HES GOT A FUCKIN FISH this guy is so cool we made the right choice”

the three become really close from then on out. azure and cider have been best friends their whole lives, but it feels like they’ve known andy for years. they don’t treat him weirdly for being blind, respect his and snickers’ space when they’re walking, always offering help if it seems like he’s struggling, but never pushing.

cider and azure always defended andy when some rando would give him shit or tease him in any way. saying his eyes looked weird, or how his glasses made him look dumb, or calling him stupid for having to use the tip of his charger as a cane outside of games, and feeling around walls to pinpoint where he was during them.

neither of them minded that andy couldn’t play competitively. cider and azure did duo competitions and andy (and snickers) always came to cheer them on and celebrate with them after. played together casually as much as they could. hung out almost every weekend.

[my-castles-crumbling]

hi cas!

just looking for a bit of advice here.

okay so for some background, i came out to my friend almost a year ago (kind of sort of, i just told her i liked girls as a girl myself) we’re both in school btw. she was completely supportive of me and even defended me against anything remotely homophobic. she was really sweet and understanding and i felt super safe with her. she’s been one of my best friends since middle school and she’s always stuck with me.

recently though, things have been changing. she’s always been a little back and forth with me and our other friends, always choosing who to be nice to in our group that day, it was never all of us. but now, she’s been more cold to just me consistently, ignoring me in big groups, looking me up and down, getting ‘mad’ at me for every reason she can find. it’s just not great. but then out of the blue some days, she acts like im her best friend and she loves me and is so so kind to me. those are the days i feel safe with her again.

but that’s not what’s bothering me the most about her behavior recently. what is, is that she’s been using the f slur a lot, not often directed at people (though i assume its at me when she says “i hate *f slurs* when i do something she doesn’t like) i’ll oftentimes just brush it off and act like she was just making a joke that was actually funny with a little remark back to her. i don’t know if she’s actually homophobic, because she’s really close with some of my gay friends and doesn’t do this to them, also because of her support when i came out.

and i really don’t know what to do about it because i love her friendship when she wants to give it to me, but what she’s doing is starting to really hurt me. i’ve talked to my best friend (who is amazingly kind and has also experienced this friend’s fake side) about some of this but i just don’t think she’d understand how deeply this hurts me

anyway, didn’t mean to dump on you this much but i just hope you can help me find what to do next. thank you <33

(also if i end up sending another ask, which is pretty unlikely, you can just call me eternal sunshine anon <3)

Hi love!

So what your friend is doing is NOT okay. Using the f-slur in that way is absolutely homophobic and could be considered a crime depending on your location. Now, I'm not saying you should call the police or anything. There's obviously nuance with the word- some queer people have chosen to reclaim it, and there is a huge amount of ignorance with people outside of the community. However, your friend is deeply in the wrong.

I think the first thing I would push you to do, though, is talk to your friend. I know it can be intimidating to address conflict like this head-on, but it seems like you do care for this friend, so I think you should at least try to tell her that these and other actions make you upset and make you feel unsafe. Right now, there's the very small chance that she's unaware, so we don't know if she's hurting you on purpose. Her reaction will be a huge indicator of whether or not it's worth it to stay friends. An ignorant but well-meaning person might say, "oh my god, I had NO idea, I'll really work to do better!" and then actually do so. But if she doubles down or tells you you're being too sensitive, I would urge you to reconsider that friendship. A 'friend' who is willing to intentionally do something that hurts you isn't really a friend.

Remember too that even if someone doesn't understand WHY something is hurtful, a person who cares will still make an effort to feel comfortable. So even if she doesn't fully understand why you dislike some of her actions, as long as your requests are reasonable, she should still try to do better. (Asking her to not use a hateful slur is EXTREMELY reasonable.)

You have the right to set boundaries and ask for respect and if people don't like that, they aren't worth your energy or friendship.

I hope this helps! <3 <3 <3

[psychewritesbs]

hi! i didnt have much success when looking through ur blog to see if uve addressed this alrdy so apologies if u have.

i was curious to know ur thoughts on jjk's portrayals of gender, esp women/femininity. if u have particular insight from a psych or philosophy bg, id be interested in hearing that (warning, i have a v feminist critique lens)

ik u love gege's writing 😅 but his handle on female characters/femininity has given me such a difficult relationship w jjk, and its v difficult to have discourse on it. on one hand, we're introduced to sm interesting realistic women, tbh i actually never stanned a woman in manga before jjk. but imo it cant be denied that gege is a sexist writer. despite how realistic jjk women r theyre all .. halfwritten? i cant think of a single one who isnt underwritten, not fully explored, not utilized substantially in the plot, etc. and there r sm ex's of extremely minor male characters in jjk who r given more thematic relevance than frequently recurring women that just underscores that gender gap imo

this isnt solely a gege problem ik but what bothers me in particular about jjk vs other mangas is how gege addresses strength, even in the light of nb/androgynous characters, and how it feels as if gege's def of strength is inherently masculine? even despite going so far as to give us a philosophical battle shonen w diverse reps of gender and emphasizing individuality that encompasses both femme/masc traits

how a reader interprets whether a jjk woman is strong or not is obv subjective. like, i think shoko is strong but shes not depicted as such bc she doesnt have a combative technique whereas yuki maki nobara or mei r depicted as "strong" bc of their battle abilities. but it also feels as if those women r strong bc they take on "masculine" traits/mindsets whereas there r no clear depictions of "femininity" making women or men stronger. even utahime who falls into v classic shoujo girl tropes is seen as weak despite teaching her students v proficientally in battle strategy (mechamaru v mahito is a good ex of that imo), as compared to how gojo teaches his (ie dumping them into missions for experience). but thats not what gege ever chooses to highlight

femininity also doesnt even seem to make men/nb characters stronger. the ex's i can think of r naoya as a vagina (lmao), geto as a mother to curses, yuta as highly attuned to his emotions, kenjaku as yuji's mother -- those r things that support these (mostly) men's strong sense of individuality but like, those arent really the things that lend those characters their "strength", u know? like geges just sprinkling in androgyny for the spice 🧐

what is feminine vs masculine, how an individual embodies those traits in their gender identity r already complex topics. im obv generalizing a lot here, but i just, idk despite how many other nuanced philosophies gege explores, what is strong/desirable in jjk still falls down to all-out fighting abilities/physical prowess, emotional detachment, isolation, extremism, etc -- all things we harp on toxic masculinity for. and even when he critiques that, theres no cogent counter solution/way to be strong that gege provides, much less one that incorporates "femininity" and women

maybe im just asking for too much from gege after having read so many great representations of women and gender by female (and male) mangakas/writers but.. i shouldnt be 🙄 he can utilize his female characters more imo, esp when he can clearly set them up so well. and im sure theres things ive misread about jjk and its portrayal of femininity, theres plenty of holes in my thoughts ^^ anyways, this is obv not a great topic to bring up in a fandom that is so polarized between dudebros and women w unaddressed internalized misogyny.. so i welcome any and all thoughts and interpretations on ur end! (also omg im rlly sorry this got so long)

I love you feminist anon, if I may call you that lol, I just always name my anons 😂. I am so grateful that you sent this.

I feel like you've very eloquently explained the deeper reason as to why I personally can't relate to the female characters in jjk. If I'm honest, I like them and think they are fun and good enough representations or attempts at depicting the archetypes that rule their personalities.

As you say, however, some of them remain rather superficial and underutilized... and please forgive me anyone who loves them, but some of them feel like they are basically dudes wearing skirts.

No offense to dudes who wear skirts or people who like men who wear skirts or anyone for that matter. It's just that, as a personal preference, I like female characters that wear skirts, pants, leggings, etc and have equal amounts of masculine and feminine energy.

So, even if I find they are good enough, I've never necessarily loved jjk female characters, because, as you also say, I've read/seen one too many amazing and iconic female characters by other authors...

And it's not like I think you're asking for too much from Gege in wanting better female characters, it's just that, as you also said, I like his writing and I read jjk precisely because of what it's doing for my masculine psyche. Like... quite literally.

So perhaps I'm more forgiving than you are because of it? Because in all reality, there are female character moments in other manga that I have to give the bombastic side eye to, and jjk isn't one of them.

Let's taco'bout it more under the cut.

So, that said, I have to admit that you might not find a lot of "feminist oriented" content in my blog because my feminist lens is reserved for dealing with lame dudebros in my real life, and also, I honestly do not know how to wear the lens on the same level of depth as you do.

Also, since my blog's lens is depth psych, I very much focus on femininity and masculinity as psychological qualities that exist on opposite ends of a continuum regardless of biological gender. You'll see me refer to femininity and masculinity like this throughout my answer.

So because of this, I'm coming at the whole issue from a slightly different angle than you are. The way I see it, I think the way the jjk female characters are written and thematically utilized (basically everything you said), ultimately comes back to how Gege's exploration of femininity is limited by his own sense of self, and very much likely biased by the sociocultural landscape he grew up in.

I don't know how much you know about Japan, but Japan has one foot in the future, and one foot in the past...

And like... ok I'm totally oversimplifying the whole thing. All I'm saying is... Gege is a man who grew up in a man's world, sharing his view of the world through jjk, which is a story about initiation of the male psyche that is published in a magazine for young boys.

Do you see the pattern there?

So If you feel like his female characters are underutilized and underexplored, and that thematically jjk focuses way too much on masculinity and masculine definitions of strength at the expense of the feminine archetypes he does present (like Naoya as a vagina LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL)... well... to me, we're basically looking at the limits of his own relationship to his femininity, which, this relationship is in turn an imperative precursor for psychospiritual development in depth psych. More of this in a bit.

Anyways, that's my anticlimactic reasoning for why I am more forgiving about the issue than you are. To be honest, I've been so consumed exploring my masculine psyche through jjk (because personally my feminine psyche is more developed in certain aspects) that I just never focus on the female characters (that is not to mention what I shared earlier).

ANYWAYS, I fucking love what you wrote about Gege's exploration on power from a masculine perspective because you're 100% spot on. What I'll say to that is that, to me, from a depth psych perspective, that's kind of the whole point.

I invite you to look at it from this other level of perspective (in addition to the whole "Gege's psych is a product of his upbringing"): the whole idea of individuality and focusing on the sense of self as a measure of "The Strongest" is being shown as an incomplete part of the equation...

... that leaves "the strongest" ultimately feeling dissatisfied.

This is a sentiment echoed by several characters because ego strength (masculine definitions of strength) is ultimately an unbalanced measure of strength precisely because it ignores feminine values and measures of strength.

Who knows where Gege is taking jjk at this point, but I will admit I am hoping he is going to explore this in more depth because, central to Jungian thought and depth psych is the idea of the Buddhist middle path and union of opposites.

In Jungian psych this means that, when you have an unbalanced ego attitude like that, something has to give so that the pendulum swings in the opposite direction, which gives the ego the experiences it needs to integrate the "opposite" attitude. This ultimately results in a more holistic and balanced perspective for the ego.

That to say that I'm wondering if Gege is going to make the pendulum swing in the opposite direction with the whole "individuality" idea since self-preservation is a "masculine" trait. Again, psychologically, it's all about balance, and right now, the story is out of balance in favor of the masculine traits you mention.

But... to bring it back to Gege's possible limitations around his perception of femininity and how developing a healthy relationship to his anima (femininity) is a precursor for psychospiritual development... what if, on a meta level, jjk is depicting part of Gege's journey towards integrating and deepening his relationship to his femininity and what you're seeing is the beginning of that journey?

Hint hint Tsumiki! maybe I'll write about it someday

This is the thing... In depth psychology, more specifically what is called "the psychology of fairy tales", fairy tales and myths are stories that depict the thinking patterns of a peoples through metaphor and symbol. The characters in these myths and stories are thus characters playing out dramas in our own psyches. So basically, think of jjk as an objective exploration of Gege's subjectiveness (psyche).

Admittedly, even if the pendulum swings in the other direction (more feminine definitions of strength), you might find that his exploration is rather shallow or that it falls short of your expectations for what you'd like to see from a feminist perspective. And you wouldn't be wrong for it, it's just that Gege is probably not on the same level of understanding that you have about femininity because he's, like you and I, a human on a journey of self understanding and growth reflecting on how his environment has shaped who he is.

The same goes for women with internalized misogyny. Sometimes you don't know what you don't know, and coming to an understanding of it is a process that doesn't take place overnight.

So I think the only part I'll disagree with is that Gege is a sexist writer. But that's perhaps because I'm being a bit too technical in what sexist means? i.e. masc supremacy or hating women and perpetuating stereotypes. I think that rather than being sexist, his unconscious biases are showing, which is why someone like you can pick them out.

I do understand where you're coming from though, and admittedly perhaps I am being too forgiving of him.

Last thing I'll say is that I've said a couple of times that wanting for jjk to have these iconic female characters feels like an exercise in futility. In retrospect, I now understand that it's not that anyone shouldn't want for jjk to have iconic female characters, but that doesn't change the fact that jjk will probably remain the wrong manga to look for them, and that's something to make peace with because it is what it is.

So, here's to hoping we get a chance to see a deeper representation of feminine values in jjk or Gege's next manga. Because, if he's done such beautiful work with the masculine psyche, like you, I'd be curious to see what he makes of a deeper exploration of the feminine psyche.

Between you and I, I'd actually love reading a proper battle bl from Gege. And I mean proper. Like... gays so canon that even the dudebros can't deny it.

ANYWAYS... giiiiiiiirl what an ask 😮‍💨. I don't think I've done it justice tbh. But hopefully I made sense? I really do love what you wrote. It was very eye opening to see this age-old argument spelled out the way you did it. So thank you again for sharing your thoughts!

If you over have any other thoughts on the topic I look forward to hearing from you!

I rambled too so... hopefully I made sense 🤣.

[itsmerachael5]

alright my review below

well.. its.. Certainly an episode.

my problem, and this is consistent with the later half of nsp (after chapter 2 season 3). Is that everything revolves around Midas. Everything happens for the purpose of Midas, other characters are just props to push Midas forward on his goals, even Jules, who i would have hoped would become more than "the daughter of Midas".

But I digress,

Basically this episode, the old Agency gang gets back together again to rescue Midas from Hades' prison, all the gods hate Midas for killing Oro, way back during the Device event, even nicknaming him God Slayer. Even Tek (who is working for Authority again, and by extension Jones) is here to help break Midas out.

The problems are instantly evident when it starts. The pacing this episode is so fast, characters are hardly given a moment of silence, except for in a battle scene. Now this maybe is because of the 30 minute time slot of the episode, but I honestly preferred the shorter 10-13 minute episodes in chapter 2. i hated when they started to do these very very long episodes.

Now, i normally dont have such a problem with the longer episodes, but this the pacing. it does not mesh well with the fact that SO MUCH of the dialogue this episode is just lore dumping. idk.. its just so strange to see this and compare it to older episodes, back then it felt like things weren't just pointed out obviously for the viewer.. maybe im just biased.

With the help of Aphrodite a few groups together save Midas (by distracting Hades and Cerberus) Midas does his part to distract as well by making the island flood with molten gold.

Marigold, Jules, Aphrodite and Midas return to the yacht now needing to fix the lava, since Midas is safe.

Midas still has yet to cordially meet Marigold (who is unexplainably separate from Jules now, retcon maybe). After Jules and Marigold leave Midas and Aphrodite alone, she explains why she's helping him.

She had spoken with the Oracle Pool, who predicts that Midas is the key to everything, and the key to ending the war between gods and mortals. So she was totally on board with saving him (i wont even go on the fact that she has a crush on Midas too).

But after that they go to Poseidon, who explains he had been attached to Rippley when he first got turned into a blob. Midas is on good terms with him already as Poseidon had known him when Rippley breifly worked for Agency and his giant wave from the device event ( i find odd since Rippley was one of the 7 who were turned to gold unwillingly but i guess the flood is what won him over).

But the lava is gone with his help and the episode concludes.

Now, i do have some thoughts on the Tek appearances, and because i cant help but explain ill do that. He for some reason is totally OK with working for Midas now, even being alright with the possibility of DYING just for Midas to escape. Now, keep in mind, the last time Tek and Midas interacted, he was not very kind to Tek, and both know this. He had told Jules, even just being reminded of Midas in her angry grumble was bothering him, "I swear i've got PTSD from hearing it!"

Mind you, not just Midas would bully Tek during his time in the Agency. Meowcles would, as well. And Rue just doesn't like him "oh that buffoon? Always slacking off at his post. And did you see his haircut when he first joined us?"

Tek even acknowledged that Midas didn't like him "Don't know why M but me on duty with [Midas disgused as a henchman], probably to punish me again." And even after the fact, when Tek worked for Chaos Agent he brought up being hurt that he was tricked into creating The Device. And they haven't seen each other since then, so i dont know what happened to make Tek so enthusiastic about working under Midas again.

It just... particularly enrages me that Tek had been given this liking to Midas, as it just proves that in modern NSP Midas cannot have haters. Everyone is either positively neutral on Midas or idolize him, unless they are villains of course, then they can hate Midas all they want (the gods against him being proof). Like yes, Midas is a big deal, but he is also controversial. It just.. Frustrates me because the writing feels so In Favor of Midas, he's been given everything (except for pre-Jules recovery) and it feels as if he can never fail.

A moment i particularly remember is when he was trying to get his wife back, she didn't recognize Jules. So Midas decided to ask Jules to transform into Marigold (which she stated is not a form or name she's comfortable with because it reminded her of being frozen gold) and Jules was portrayed as in the wrong just because she opposed this idea. They did end up getting her back anyways. And iirc this was because they found a way to get Midas' body back.

Overall.. this whole episode is a whole mess. I'm glad for the appearances of Rue and Tek, but dread what's to come. (Oro coming back AGAIN, Midas ect ect.)

i would rate it... 4/10 maybe.. idk my thoughts on it are mixed

[anantaru]

saying this as someone who also writes for fun/someone who just dumps the sudden thoughts i get onto a draft and either decide to post it or not based on my mood, just why?

like, i genuinely don't get it.

if you don't like someone's writing style or if it bothers you, just don't read it? no one forcing you to consume content that bothers you. only you choose what you consume.

and, as you said, god forbid if someone has a first language that is not english. 'are you even living on this planet?'

as an asian, this especially pisses me off.

united states, uk and whatever other english speaking countries are not the only places in the world. there's hundreds of languages around the world. if you're that great, i'd like to see you learn an entirely different language that you haven't grown up around and write paragraphs upon paragraphs without making mistakes.

sorry, i never really rant this much or get this particularly mad, but that post just pissed me off to no extent.

and, i absolutely adore your work. i can even recognise it without looking at the author's name if i'm going through random fics on tumblr or ao3 without actually paying any attention. keep enjoying what you do, that really does show up in your works ❤️

(i kind of realize my post is almost as big as that persons and i'm sorry lol, i didn't realise how much i kept writing while ranting what was in my head.)

hello love 👼🏼 first of all, don't apologize for ranting i don't mind at all, especially when i completely agree with you 💓 i think some people tend to forget just how many languages there are on this planet, for example "europe" isn't just europe and i always need to giggle whenever someone says "im visiting europe" and you ask them, "where in europe?" and they reply with, "just europe🧍🏻‍♀️" like bro WHAT COUNTRY THERES SO MANY and almost all of them have another language like, there's just so much and as someone who speaks a bunch of languages it can happen for me to just lack a little in grammar here in there, but i do read a lot and i do try and study frequently to keep myself fluent in every language i know.

the way they typed this ask out was just very tone deaf and rude, it gave me the impression that they never really thought about the fact that english is not the focus in many many places all around the world, even though it is the "world" language it is not talked frequently in various places, which is just ??? the way it is 🧍🏻‍♀️ so i totally get you on that, i completely understand and i hope you feel a little bit better after typing this out since in my opinion, writing down your thoughts like that truly helps 💓

also thank you so much, you're so kind and i'm so happy you like my writing 💓 i appreciate this so much and i cannot stop smiling rn, thank you for being here on my blog <3

[star-sim]

hiihii, 🦊 anon back here !! Im gon be info dumping u the shii cuz u said u were invested, but if u dont want to readall of it I completely understand cuz like I wrote a whole ass shii 😭😭

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okay so like there's thay copycat, let's call her P !! technically, she's been a friend since last year, but I didnt really consider her as one cuz she mostly talked with my other two friends from our closest friend group n like nobody else. (we're a group of five without her) She sorta randomly appeared, but I ofc didnt mind cuz its always nice to meet new ppl n make new friends yk ??

(extra thingy for this year => one friend changed schools to another city, another doesnt hang out with us anymore but does online, n then there's another who isnt in the same classes so we only see each other during breaks. so its just me n another friend, (let's call her F) she's has been my closest friend since years ago so far !!

Okayokay now on to the real shii; since the new school year, P asked the school if she could be in the same class as me and F (because we're always together). so practically, P is also my classmate now. BUT !! I've noticed she favours F more than me, which doesnt bother me much bc we all have preferences at some point 🤷‍♀️ HOWEVER its getting a bit uncomfy because she's slowly been like starting to copy me and seems to be trying to exclude me to get closer to F ever since school started

Im insecure about friendships, so I get jealous when I see F paying more attention to P than to me (at least Im self aware 😞) oh, abt the copying part, I have a list to explain omllll !! for instance, I have an online school timetable with a specific colour palette (we have our own from our school's app but I'd like to use my own [another one] cuz then its a widget) she saw it and asked about the app n then the next week, she did the same thing with the exact same colors for each subject ?? Its not a big deal, but its abs noticeable.. like I get it u wanna use the same app cuz Ik how handy it is but using the same colours is starting to become extra .. then theres the school stationary, especially the pencil case and highlighters. I have a clear see-through pencil case and pastel highlighters (so coquette) n after two months or somewhere around that, she got the same ones. AGAIN, not a huge deal, but then she started comparing highlighters and saying she should have bought the same ones as me (?? Girl tf) Its frustrating because she's indirectly indicating that she wants to be or have the same shii as me 😭 n I dont like that. Ik some ppl do but I jst dont

Another example is my headphones. I have specific ones (JBL I lub em sm), n in December or smth, she also got the same ones but in pink (I have black ones) Its not about the headphones themselves tho, but the fact that she claimed we have the same ones when they're CLEARLY different. It's a fcking pattern, even with little things like a pocket mirror that she suddenly wants after seeing mine ?? 😭 "oh, I want to have one too now n use it like u" *proceeds to buy n never use it anyways* 💀

oh oh, then theres the issue of her comparing grades (no like wtaf) my average is at least 70%, which Im abs content with, but I wish I had more motivation to study m improve 😞 ahe studies n has an average of 74%, which is great for her ofc !! but she constantly YAPS abt having higher grades n being smarter, not realizing the difference between being book-smart n actually intelligent like girl theres a diff between the 2 yk 😭😭

P is actually fcking starting to get on my nerves, especially after half a year of this bs .. the friend who changed schools was like the mother of the group, n I miss her a lot (she's coming back next year tho, yippie !!) P seems to be trying to exclude me from the friend group n from my bestie F :( I havent told anyone else cuz like Im afraid theyll jst think Im overreacting, but I did confide in T ( the transfer student friend, lets call her that !!), n shes on my side (duh ofc cuz she also noticed from last year how she only sticked to F) but I dont want to tell F herself cuz I dont think she'll believe me. I used to feel happy and comfy being myself before P joined in, but now I feel like Im constantly being criticized n copied :// Its even worse bc she made fun of my cat's name !! (Like, I told her my cat's name cuz at one point we were talking abt cats n I told her I had gotten a new one that summer. atm she was doing that gossip whisper thingy to somebody else n when I told her that she had to be honest and confess she was making fun of my cat's name she went like "ohhhh, for a cat name !! I thought a human name" n then fake smiles omfl ..)

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ANYWAYSSSS, TAKE CARE 😽 love ur fics Istg I dont think I'd survive here w/out ur writings Im not joking 😭 ur fics r like one of the only ones that I'd even WANT to read no matter the 10k+ wc (thats a lot for me n I prefer short ones, but ur longer ffs r like TOP TIER MWAH)

-🦊

oh girl ur stronger than me bc P would make me yell....

u and F are like for-lifers.... the friends that you keep when things change are the ones that you need to CHERISH FR

i think ur like 100% valid for the friendship jealousy, i get SO jealous too ur like real for that. like looking at these individual examples it doesn't come off that P is trying to copy you.... but when you look at it ALTOGETHER as ONE BIG MASSIVE PICTURE.... yikessss

i cant stand P sorry... like the excluding thing is making me seethe

AND THE CATS NAME THING WOULD BE MY FINAL STRAW GIRLLL STAY IN UR OWN LANE

i don't think ur overreacting, ur like 100% valid for this one

i am SO on your side

imo i think it's important to talk to F about this... and if she does not react well then drop her!!! if your best friend cannot take your feelings into consideration then that's not good!!

i'm glad that you like me fics btw!! it means a lot <3333

thanks for stopping by 🦊 anon!!! mwah mwah love you (and lmk if i need to air raid P)