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miviaceleste · 2 months

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A Blackrock Story: A Boy with Turquoise Eyes

Happy 12th Anniversary to Blackrock Chronicle!

This comic ended up being 47 pages long (when I first sketched it, it was only 20 pages long). Since I can only upload 30 images in a post, I had to combine 2 pages into 1 image so hopefully it's still visually fine and not annoying to scroll through!

I wrote this mini-story more than 10 years ago, so I figured it was time to finally make it into a comic (after editing the writing a lot because I became a much better writer since lol).

Be aware of the TWs, and I hope you enjoy this comic!

TW: Violence || Blood || Injuries/Scars/Burn Marks || Kidnapping || (Temporary) Death || Loss of Limb / Amputation

Thank you all for reading one of my most insane projects ever!

Now, here’s another long story:

About 8 years ago, my life became so busy that to stay on top of my studies and activities, I stopped watching a lot of YouTubers, including the Yogscast.

I’ve grown up throughout the years. I had to stop acting like a kid to figure out what I wanted to do for the rest of my life. I’m still an artist today, but I haven’t drawn in this way for about 3 years to pursue my real passion. I love to draw, but I didn’t have the time or inspiration to make something grand.

About 3 months ago, I suddenly got curious about how all those YouTubers I stopped watching were doing, so I checked out their channels and watched a video or two before moving on. When I got to the Yogscast channel, on the other hand, I quickly fell in love with the new content and with everyone again.

It was insane to see how immediately my love for them came back. In 3 months, I’ve watched so many videos and streams/VODs. It’s all so comforting, funny, and uplifting. Clearly, I missed so much content in the past 8 years, but at least I don’t have to worry about running out of things to watch for a while.

What made me most happy was that despite changing a lot, I never stopped being that kid who laughed at the Yogscast’s shenanigans. It just goes to show that no matter how much the world tries to push you around, you never lose that sense of joy you had as a child.

Now, about Rythian:

Since I started watching the Yogscast in 2011, Rythian has always been my favorite. I loved his series so much, especially with how he got into character to give us an immersive experience. It was an escape for me as a kid. When difficult moments were thrown at me, I watched Rythian’s series to find a sense of comfort.

So when I started watching his and Zoey’s Blackrock series, my mind was blown. The storytelling, acting, humor, and drama of the series were so immersive and touching that my creativity exploded.

I mainly use art to express myself and my interests because I struggle to talk about it. But funny enough, Blackrock was the only interest of mine that got me to not draw, but to write. I wrote a lot of short stories about the series—even how I envisioned the series would end. I was so inspired to create all the time from this series.

And what’s crazy is that at the beginning of this summer, I found all of those written drafts and notes from when I was a kid. I kept them all for 10+ years and found a very loose (and not that good) draft of this comic and I felt really inspired to finish it.

It was roughly when I was first watching Blackrock too when I realized that I can be creative in the future. The Yogscast helped me understand that I can do whatever I want for the rest of my life. If they could do it, then why can’t I?

What’s also wonderful is that even after so many years, Rythian never stopped being my favorite. When I started watching the main channel again a few months ago, I immediately found myself rooting for him whenever he was in the group videos. I just remembered how much happiness he brought me when I was younger and it makes me so happy that I still get so much joy whenever I hear his voice.

While working on this comic, I watched all of Kirbycraft and caught up on Kirby Farm. I can’t help but smile the whole time Rythian, Briony, and Kirsty interact with one another. The dynamic of these three brings me so much laughter and comfort. A part of me is upset that I didn’t get back to watching everyone when Kirbycraft was still live, but better late than never, right?

I also originally started this comic without the intention of posting it. But then I figured, Hey, it’d be great to share it with everyone who’s also been impacted by this series and the Yogscast in general, so I made this blog to post it here. Honestly, I’m not sure when the next time I’ll be able to draw is (who knew building a career takes away a lot of your energy and time?). But I think that’s what’s so wonderful about my love for Yogscast and particularly Blackrock: I didn’t make this comic for the likes or views. It was just because I wanted to, and I’m so happy to see there are so many people on here who feel the same love for them as I do.

This series and the people who made it, along with the people who supported it and loved it and continued to love it, impacted me for the better. I learned so many years ago that I can be creative for a living, and have been working hard towards doing that since.

Happy 12th Anniversary to the Blackrock Chronicle. To Rythian and Zoey who put a smile on this kid’s face even during the toughest of times.

And to the Yogscast, thank you for being there for me when I needed you all the most and for still being here when I came back. Your ability to inspire me and make me laugh never disappeared throughout the years I was gone, and I’m ready to laugh some more.

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rebornofstars · 1 month

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SEPFEMBER 2024 PROMPTS LIST

HERE WE ARE! AT LONG LAST! THE MOMENT YOU'VE ALL BEEN (HOPEFULLY) WAITING FOR! GIRL MONTH!

I honestly can't believe this is actually happening. This event was a shower thought a few months ago.

Here's a recap of the event: to participate, make at least one fanwork of any variety during September that features a woman or women from the Zelda franchise as the main character/s. All Linksmeets are welcome in this challenge, as well as general LoZ fans!

Before I drop the prompts list for those who are looking for a little direction, I'd like to mention that I have made an AO3 COLLECTION FOR THIS EVENT. It's open and unmoderated so you can add your works to it freely. And if you post on tumblr, please tag #sepfember !! I'll be scrolling through the tag every day looking for things to reblog and gush about 👀

If you have any questions at all about this event, or you want to chat about it, my askbox is open! I will also respond to comments and reblogs of this post.

Now, onto the prompts. Disclaimer: you DON'T have to use all/any of these prompts, or only create things for certain characters on their featured day. This list is just a GUIDE for those who want it. If you have other plans, go with your heart!

At the end of the day, this is a celebration, and all that matters is that you have fun. I hope some of you will join me next month in giving our girls some time in the spotlight, but if you can't, that's okay! There's no pressure! This is just a passion project of mine, really, and I am overjoyed that people are interested 💛💛💛

(apologies in advance for the terrible quality of these pics and the equally terrible commentary. i thought it would be funny. also, i've never had to come up with a prompts list before and it shows.)

DAY 1: SKYWARD SWORD ZELDA + PURPOSE

(we start at the beginning of course 💛)

DAY 2: MARIN + WASH

(it was SO hard to find a screenshot of her that didn't have link in it. they're both cute but this ain't about him.)

DAY 3: MEDLI + GIFT

(i didn't know she played the harp until i saw this screenshot! i obviously have a lot to learn.)

DAY 4: TWILIGHT PRINCESS ZELDA + FREEZE

(how creepy does she look here?! so awesome)

DAY 5: HILDA + GHOST

(SUCH a good character for real. she has depth!!!! she has a thematic purpose!!!)

DAY 6: URBOSA + LOSE

(two words: LIGHTNING POWERS ⚡⚡⚡)

DAY 7: SPIRIT TRACKS ZELDA + MISTAKE

(babygirl you are 2 entire pixels.)

DAY 8: FI + ORDER

(oh she is everything to me)

DAY 9: MIDNA + SWORD

(she looks so soulful right now)

DAY 10: HYRULE WARRIORS ZELDA + SUMMON

(what a FIRE camera angle??? her armour is so impractically attached but SHE HAS A SWORD‼️)

DAY 11: GODDESSES OF HYRULE + EYES

(hylia, din, nayru, farore, the list goes on...)

DAY 12: ZORA PRINCESSES + TRUST

(mipha, ruto... poor suckers... it can't be fun, falling for link...)

DAY 13: OCARINA OF TIME ZELDA | SHEIK + FATE

(note: I personally hc this character as a trans man, but since this isn't explicitly confirmed in-game and might not be shared with everyone, I've given them a celebration day anyway. you are free to do what you wish.)

DAY 14: MALON + GUARD

(she is adorable. look at her)

DAY 15: IMPA + BOUND

(HOTTEST MOST SEXY MOST BADASS WOMAN IN THE FRANCHISE ‼️‼️‼️ I LOVE YOU IMPA YOU ARE PERFECT. SHUT UP I DEFINITELY DON'T PLAY FAVOURITES—)

DAY 16: FOUR SWORDS ADVENTURES ZELDA + PORTAL

(i loved her in the fsa manga. she's barely in it but STILL. go read it.)

DAY 17: FAIRIES + TIRED

(the great fairies, navi, ciela, tatl, proxi...)

DAY 18: TETRA + LEGACY

(isn't she KICKASS?!)

DAY 19: EPONA + BONE

(our lovely loyal girl 🥰)

DAY 20: A LINK BETWEEN WORLDS ZELDA + HOME

(SHE IS SUCH A GOOD PARALLEL TO HILDA PLEASSSSSE)

DAY 21: SARIA + WISH

(a classic character! isn't this picture so peaceful)

DAY 22: BOTW/AOC/TOTK ZELDA + PEACE

(SHE IS EVERYTHING TO ME. SCREAMING CLAWING CRYING. MY DARLING, YOUR FANARTISTS WERE THE ONES TO DRAW ME INTO THE ZELDA FANDOM. I HOPE I CAN RETURN THE FAVOUR ONE DAY)

DAY 23: CIA + LANA + STUDY

(technically, she's one person. between the two of them they certainly only wear enough clothes for one person... )

DAY 24: ARYLL + HUG

(sister to the hero! but what's her story?)

DAY 25: ECHOES OF WISDOM ZELDA + ARREST

(YEAHHHHHHHHH GIRL MONTH GIRL DAY GIRL GAME!!!)

DAY 26: CD-i ZELDA + HOLIDAY

(hehheehehehe. i bet you weren't expecting her. neither was i tbh)

DAY 27: PURAH + FIRE

(SHE'S CLEVER! I LOVE CLEVER WOMEN!)

DAY 28: ILIA + ERUNE + MEND

(listen. i know erune is a very niche character - she literally only exists in the four swords manga - but consider. i love her)

DAY 29: ALTTP/OOS/OOA/LA ZELDA + MISSING

(she has no canon personality. you know what that means. get the building equipment out fellas)

DAY 30: LINKLE + FAREWELL

(and here we are - LAST DAY!)

THE END! YAY! I CAN'T WAIT FOR SEPTEMBER - CAN YOU?

#sepfember #SEPFEMBER PROMPTS LIST 2024 #IM SO OVERTIRED PLS LET ME KNOW IF I MADE ANY MISTAKES #THANK YOU. GOODNIGHT #I LOVE YOU ALL #linked universe #FORGOT TO TAG THE FANDOM LMAO #linked universe event #fandom event

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ecogirl2759 · 9 months

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THE MOMENT WE'VE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR!!!!

Here it is, guys!

The Kiyotaka Ishimaru Mastermind comic from 4コマ KINGS Vol. 4!

SPECIFICALLY CITING THIS SO THAT OTHERS KNOW WHERE TO FIND THIS COMIC!!!

Huge, HUUUUGE thanks to @panicuriprince!!! They helped me with clearing the text, rewording panels and putting everything together! Pages 4, 5, and 6 are her doing! PLEEEASE go send her some love, they REALLY helped me get this done and I literally couldn't have done this without her :D

There's a document below the break with more literal translations for the comic, as well as translation notes, a link to a Google Drive folder with ALL of the pages, and other interesting tidbits! Please give it a read!

The Japanese pages will also be below the break! (As well as a little spiel of mine. It's quite long, so be careful!)

(also please forgive how many tags there are here-)

Remember to read right to left <3

As promised, here are the Japanese panels:

AND HERE'S THE DOCUMENT!

✨ WOW ✨

I can't begin to describe to you all how AMAZING this feels!

I've spent the past 2 years on what felt like a wild goose chase, desperately searching for this one comic that I wasn't even sure existed.

This all started with me finding a photo on Tumblr of this comic and spiraling into this deep dive. First I didn't know if this was even real, then I found out that this comic series had ceased printing, then I couldn't be sure which book it was actually in.

There is literally almost no information out there about the fourth volume of this anthology series. I've said this before and I'll say it again, volumes 1 and 2 both have full translations that you can download off of other websites, and while 3 doesn't seem to have that, there are a lot of separately translated comics floating around out there, namely on Pinterest.

The 4th volume had NOTHING! No matter how hard I searched or how many links I clicked, no one has really said ANYTHING about this book, which was why this specific comic was so hard for me to find.

But I have all of the books now, so I definitely want to do this again for all of them so that people have easy access to these translations. I'll start with book 4 though haha.

Also, I'm not sure who it was, but HUUUUGE thanks to the kind stranger on Ebay who was willing to sent me the whole series!! I literally don't know where I would be right now if these books weren't with me, so thank you <3

Also, thank you to all of my Japanese teachers that I've had throughout the years. If it weren't for them, I wouldn't have been able to understand the comic, haha! One even helped me out in the early stages of this process, so extra thanks to him <3

I feel really passionate about accessible media. I think that everyone should be able to read and find whatever they want. That's part of the reason that I've endeavored on this project. I want everyone to be able to seek out and find these comics if they really want to. And, of course, I want everyone to be able to understand them, too.

So please enjoy this comic! If you'd like to repost it, I'd appreciate being credited just so that others know where they can go to find the full comic.

This one-man project isn't so one-man anymore, and I seriously can't thank everyone who's helped me enough!!! I'm honestly so glad I didn't have to go through this alone <33

ALSO

If you see anything, LITERALLY ANYTHING, that you think I could change/improve (like formatting or different interpretations of the Japanese text), PLEASE shoot me a message!! I want to make sure this comic is as good as it can be, and I'd love to hear your thoughts!

Even if you don't have a suggestion and would just like to reach out to ask a question or something, PLEASE don't be afraid to do that! I know I get really cold feet when sending people asks, so I'm going to reassure everyone who needs to hear it now: You're never going to be a bother to me! I love getting asks! Whenever anyone sends me something, I get really excited <3

So ask questions! Tell me I did a horrible job and got none of the text right! Ask why Ishimaru literally cannot be evil! I don't know the answer, either!

Thank you all so much for the support and the kind words you've been giving me ever since I first announced I was translating this comic! Your support has been extremely motivating to me! Also, you guys are hilarious with your tags!

Seriously, thank you so much! Words literally can't express how I feel right now, but I guess the best way I could describe it is cathartic. I'm REALLY happy that I finally get to share 2 years worth of work with you guys! You've all been a massive help to me in more ways than one <333

KEEP BEING AWESOME <3

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hurpdurpburps · 2 months

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Astoria: Fate's Kiss Is Getting Re-released On 25 July, Here Are Some Things You Should Keep In Mind

Most people don't know it (until now I guess), but I'm the founder of, and have been running the @ls-salvation-squad project since Christmas 2021. I hardly interact with the LS community outside of the project server in a personal capacity as I've largely left the fandom around 6 months before the announcement of the app's closure.

I was pretty late to the game (pun intended), having only learnt about the app in 2020, but managed to be around for 'milestone events' such as the writers' strike and the DMCA rampage on YouTube/tumblr. Thanks to certain friends and technology, I've also had privileged access to a quasi-'insider look' into Voltage's workings (and failings) as a studio, both in real time and through secondhand horror stories of the past.

This culmination of experiences has spurred me to make my first, and last, personal opinion piece regarding LS on tumblr, a corner of the community that I haven't really interacted much with.

While I understand the sheer joy, relief and excitement that comes with revived, legal access to some of the most impressive, unapologetically queer stories to have ever graced the internet, I want to point out the ugly truths that are intertwined with the revival of this troubled app:

Buying the game =/= supporting the creators. Not a cent of your money goes towards them. Even when Voltage USA used to be a thing, barely any of it went towards the employees in general either. The writers were paid 3 cents/word, and producers were working twice as hard but only paid around half of their counterparts in other companies. AFAIK the artists have kept quiet but it would be more of a surprise if they were treated any better than their peers.

Buying the game =/= supporting queer content/community. This might come as a shocker, but homophobia ran rampant within Voltage's management. The best evidence of this can be found in their history of 'peculiar' business or creative decisions - and they've made a fuckton of bad choices. Fun fact; the first queer routes were only made possible via sheer force of will of a particular producer. I'm not at liberty to share the nitty gritty on this public platform as the stories aren't mine, but maybe if you asked some of the former staff nicely, they might give you cryptic hints.

You're gonna be paying them a THIRD time. Many of us have already shelled out hundreds of dollars on heart choices - not once, but twice. Putting the whole version on Steam/Switch had always been a valid option from the beginning of the end, but they chose not to do it. Why? Because users scrambling to make bulk purchases of tickets and hearts to record routes as a last hurrah meant a last, fat cash-in. Not to mention the fact that they're selling the game at US$30 per series, for almost decade-old content, presumably without any new additions. At this point, throwing your hard earned money at them AGAIN is just rewarding scummy management and unscrupulous business models.

Do you really need to? Our team of around 100 archivists worked tirelessly in Q1 of 2022 to provide you high quality recordings of every single route. We've gone so far as to acquire recordings of pre-LS Voltage content such as Queen's Gambit and all of the soundtracks. We've put assets up for download. There are a dozen passionate creators out there who have been updating their Ren'Py recreations so that you can scratch your itch - and all for free!!! What more could you possible want or need that only the greedy bastards at Voltage can give you - apart from seeing your custom MC name on the screen and the absolutely inconsequential choices B & C that our videos didn't cover?

Is this a call for a boycott? I guess not really, or at least I didn't consciously set out to make it like this. Dissuading others from purchasing legal access to media when it's easily available goes against my general principle about responsibly and pragmatically supporting creators. And as one 'em Gays™, I know the preciousness of possessing Queer Stories Written By Queer People.

But I was concerned at what seemed to be a wave of happiness and eagerness at news of the revival, without any mention of the absolute shit show that has led us to this very point. There's a very big part of me that's absolutely pissed at being taken for a ride. News of the revival has been a bittersweet development for us all, especially those who have poured their time, money and energy over the past 2.5 years into salvaging what was thought to be a lost piece of queer media - only to find out that all that effort might only get them a slap to the face in the form of a DMCA from the grave. So yeah, fuck you Voltage.

TLDR: You should really save your money for more ethical, indie developers who have the decency to not mock your consumer intelligence. I don't think it's a crime against humanity if you end up buying it after all, but just think about it yeah?

#lovestruck voltage

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inkmonster21 · 4 months

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Sing for Me

1. The Beginning

Cooper Howard x Fem!Reader / The Ghoul x Fem!Reader

She's a singer the nation adores. He's the actor everyone respects. What happens when these two get entangled in a heated affair? Passion, regret, rage, and even murder will commence. From before the bombs drop to the vast wasteland, these two souls live for one another.

Series Masterlist

Strangers, friends, lovers. Isn’t that the natural flow of things? The instinctive humane magnet that pulls two souls together; wasn’t that just the way of life? I often wonder if I had never laid eyes on him would the word still be intact? If I had never said yes to the role, if I had just moved on to another project, maybe my world would still be turning. I could still have a real body, real blood flowing through my veins. I almost remember what it felt like to bleed. Is it strange that I missed it? The pain? In this sorry excuse of a world, I guess anything can be normalized. Sadly I can’t recall what happiness used to feel like. I assume amazing and warm.

I stare into the cracked mirror, dusting the powder over my face, touching up the tattooed perfection. "Ready in 5," Conor speaks from the curtain. "Thank you," I take one last look into the remains of myself. I press my hand to my chest, feeling the light thump of my heart, one of the remaining parts of who this woman used to be. I stand, the black shawl dragging the ground behind me, the edges ripped and frayed. I pass Conor, grabbing the glass of water and drowning it down. "You've got a big crowd tonight." I smile at him, the facade growing. "Why wouldn't I? Even in this wasteland, I'm still the best singer the world has ever seen." A light centers onto the stage in the back of the venue. I step out beginning the set.

217 YEARS AGO

The crowd applause rings through the venue. I raise both my arms taking a bow, soaking in their appreciation. I blow a kiss before sauntering off the stage and behind the curtains where my assistant waits with refreshments. "Honey, I've got someone I want you to meet.” I roll my eyes knowing exactly what that means. “I’m not taking the time today, Louis.” He proceeds to grab my elbow and guide me to the dressing room. “Yes, you are. Especially when it’s a director.” My ears peek at the mention. “A director?”

The door swings open and I see a man sitting on my sofa. Expensive suit and tie, most definitely involved in the business. “There she is!” He extends his arm, grasping my hands, “Our Nation's sweetheart. Boy, my wife is going to be upset at this one.” I smile at him. “Well, the pleasure is all mine. I hope you enjoyed the show.” He beams at me, “the show? Oh, I could’ve watched for hours.”

Louis steps in, tossing my robe over my shoulders and taking my jewelry off my limbs. “Mr. Vander is here to discuss an opportunity for you.”

Mr. Vander nods with excitement brewing. “I certainly am! I’m casting a new film, Under the Covers, and I want you to be our leading lady.” I open my mouth, eyes widening “You know I’m a singer, not an actress, right?” Mr. Vander waves his hands in protest. “That's just the thing! I've had some written songs for the film. It's not a full-blown musical, but I'm widening my wings. I guarantee you will do just peachy!” I twiddle my fingers. “I don’t know, Mr. Vander. The big screen? Me? I just can’t see it.” Mr. Vander slides a script across the table. “Take a look, give me a call. No pressure, Sweetie.” He leaves without another word.

As soon as the door closes Louis is flipping through the pages. “You’re doing this.” I sigh at his words. “Can’t I take a break? It’s been show after show, and now I finally have some time off and you want me to go out to California and embarrass myself? I’ve got a lucky set of cords, that’s all.” I begin to wipe away my makeup.

Louis chuckles as he reads a line from the page. “You would kill this role. She’s a sassy badass. Look! Just read this line right here.” He pushes the paper into my face as I sit. I look over the words with a light giggle before turning to gaze at myself in the mirror. Louis begins, “I made a bad call.” I roll my eyes, “you think? Just sit there and let me do all the work. You men are sure good at causing trouble, but you ain’t too good at getting out of it. That’s where you need me.” I bite my lip as I finish reading. It would be fun to star in a film. Different and unique. I would still be able to sing. Not many singers get the chance to branch out like this. I wave my hand with confidence. “Oh, what the hell? Why not. I’m in.” Louis jumps up in celebration.

The following week I was on the set of a real movie. Trailers lined the lot, makeup bags and racks of clothes in every corner, and people buzzed around in their madness. Louis stands behind me, hands on my shoulders, “You got this.”

“Excuse me? Hi there, I'm Mr. Vander's executive assistant.” A woman asked directly. “If you would follow me. Mr. Vander wanted to make sure of your arrival.” Louis hauls my bag behind him as we follow the woman through the busy lot.

“Mr. Vander? Your star is here.” He flies out of his seat and grabs my hands, kissing my knuckles. “Ah! My leading lady! My Songbird! I am so happy you decided to say yes. We are going to make this such a special film. Now if you please follow me, I’d like to introduce you to your costar.” Walking a short way, we stop at a scenic backdrop where a man is walking down the street. He dips down an alleyway silently. He tips his hat slightly, before walking towards a building in question. Loud bells ring out, and the buzz of people continues, as their tasks have switched.

“Cooper,” Vander waves the man over once the scene has been cut. “This is our leading lady. She’ll be portraying Mary.” The man takes the hat off and shakes my hand lightly. “Cooper Howard. It’s a great privilege. My daughter adores your records.” His cheery smile and soft eyes struck me. His skin is smooth and warm to the touch. I had to kick myself just to speak. “Hello, Mr. Howard.” "Oh please, call me, Cooper."

And from then on, from that one moment, I was in trouble.

We would rehearse together, have our lunch together, and have dinner together when the day rolled around too late to go home. It became a natural routine. He made me feel special. By 4 weeks in I was in deep shit. I couldn't wait to see him. He started to invade my mind at all hours of the night. I started to question if he would like certain outfits as I put them on each day.

He told me about his life. He shared little details that seemed intimate. I sit in my makeup chair as he enters my trailer with a coffee. "Your ears must've been burning. I was just going to ask for one." I tease as I take the cup into my hands. He smiles that dumb smile, and I can feel myself sink into the chair. My makeup artist twists a tube of liner and groans upon seeing the state of said liner. "Ugh, I need to get another lip liner, don't move." I sit very still with wide eyes making her laugh. "I didn't mean it literally!" I smile as the door shuts. It doesn't take Cooper but a second to be standing over my chair, hands on my shoulders, exchanging glances in the mirror. It was now 9 weeks into filming, and I was fucked. I was completely infatuated with this man.

I feel the exposed skin on my shoulders burns as his fingertips brush over it. I feel my head lean into his touch ever so slightly. "You look beautiful." Why the fuck was he doing this to me? It's on purpose, it has to be. He certainly didn't act like this to any other female on set. Was it just a method to make sure we had that connection when we filmed?

Cooper's light squeeze on my shoulders brings me back. I smile at him in the mirror. He tilts his head, "You alright, darlin'?" I nod silently. Cooper leans down, his lips trailing up my ear as he whispers, “You nervous about the kiss?” I stare into his eyes, mine widening. “I thought we weren’t filming that scene until a few weeks.” His smirk only grows. I unknowingly provided my answer. I knew I was going to say it if he didn’t leave my trailer. I couldn't help myself. His fingers burned my skin. My lungs filled but wouldn't release. I was surely going to burst. "I-" "FOUND IT!" My makeup artist walks in victorious. "Cooper, they need you on set." I avert my eyes from him, trying to control my breathing. He nods and releases my shoulders before exiting. I felt my body exhale the large sigh I was holding in. I shake my head lightly trying to push my inner thoughts away.

The detective watches the passing car. He begins to trail the group on foot as they turn down a street. "Well, if it isn't my big tipper." He looks up to see Mary Jones, the singer from the club the men in question were just seen leaving. She makes her way across the street, meeting him under the lamplight. He was losing his chance, but he would get shot if he was promised she'd be the last thing his eyes set upon. "Just leaving, Mary?" He narrows his eyes at her. She knew something. She was the boss's favorite girl after all. The detective points down the road. "Those men, did they mention anything interesting?" She narrows her eyes, "Are you asking me to go against my boss? Where else would I sing?" Her sly smile cuts him deep. He wishes no harm to come to his beauty. He could let them get a head start. He lays his hand on her waist, pulling her in, their faces inches apart. "Now, you listen, doll. Those men, they could hurt you." Mary runs a gloved finger over his bottom lip. "And I can handle myself, sugar." She stares at his lips, her tongue darting to wet her own. “But if you’re so concerned, why don’t you walk me home? Make sure I get there safe and sound.” They move swiftly down the streets sharing cigarettes and longing gazes.

He leans on her door, drinking her in. “Don’t go to the club tomorrow.” He says in a whisper. She picked his chin up, “You understand I have to. But you can come visit and return this for me.” She leans up pressing her body against him, attaching their lips in harmony. His hands moved to grip her waist, pulling a small moan from her mouth.

“CUT!”

I blink quickly, suddenly becoming very aware of my closeness to Cooper. Hell, I just kissed the man. Well, Mary technically kissed the detective. I beg my bones to stay professional, but the heat growing in my core causes me to shutter.

"Beautiful! Just stunning. I could swear you LOVE this man! Singer my ass, you picked the wrong path Sweets." Mr. Vander cries as he takes off the headset. He spins me around dramatically. "My little songbird!"

"Whoa, now, bud. Don't go breaking her," Cooper's voice peels out in a firm tone. Mr. Vander sets me down, holding me at arm's length. "Now, this Friday we will be filming your solo. So, drink some tea or whatever the fuck you do." I laugh trying to sway back and forth to gather friction between my legs. I can feel his body heat next to me. He lays an arm on the small of my back, drawing circles. I jump lightly at his trailing fingers. I need to get away from him before my internal flames ignite this entire lot.

"Cooper, I need you to rehearse as much as you can. Love you, buddy, but you have two left feet and your chops are going to need some tuning. So, with that being said, please spend every waking moment together." Fucking great. Vander walks away but turns back quickly. "And Cooper, I want you both in the dance studio tomorrow morning. Jessica wants to rework the choreography."

I am so fucked. I can barely stand close to this man now without wanting to pounce on him. I take the larger shawl off my shoulders and toss it on the chair. I begin to walk away to my trailer, but Cooper catches my elbow. "Hey." I smile lightly, I take a second glance at his lips, missing the warmth. I register his lips moving, sound coming from his mouth, but I can't hear a word he says. I grab the collar of his shirt, bringing his lips down to meet mine in a rushed kiss.

The echo of my name and his fingers snap in front of my face. I shake my head, running away from the thoughts. "Yeah?" I stare anywhere but his eyes, I stare at his hair, his eyebrows, lips... fuck, I'm looking at his lips again. I turn away from him and make my way to the trailer door. "I'm sorry, Cooper. I am just so tired." I open the door, but his hand pushes it shut before I can escape. He leans down with furrowed brows. "You seem frazzled." He runs a single digit up my arm causing goosebumps to run along my skin. I bite the inside of my cheek to hold the shutter inside. I shake my head, "No, I just didn't sleep well, and today ran long. Just tired."

He hums softly. His finger traced the strap of my dress. “You look so beautiful.” I shutter at his touch, and he knows it.

He opens the trailer door for me, "Then you better get some rest. I'll have you worn out tomorrow." WHAT? He must be fucking with me.

I feel the smirk creep on my lips. Unable to hold it in, I allow myself to surrender just a little. I reach out, straightening his shirt collar, and adding a subtle tug. "I think you'll be surprised how tired I can make you." I watch as his eyes search mine. Seeming to dig into my soul. Finding me and my true desires. He leans down ever so slightly, like a magnet forcing us together. Inches between us, so so close, but I pat his chest with a smirk. I watch as Cooper opens his eyes with stardust lining his lashes. I whisper to him, "Goodnight, Cooper." And I close the trailer door. Just an inch before it shut, Cooper caught it with his hand.

He peals the door open, stepping inside, making me back away into the small counter. He stares into my soul, communicating silently. He dips down quickly capturing my lips. His hands guided me to the small couch. Clothes were torn, and only the essential items were removed for our intimate skin to brush against each other. Cooper rushed to tear my panties away, and I was right behind him, pulling his rock-solid cock from his pants.

He fucks my body deep into the couch, the repeated grinding against my clit causing sparks to ignite. I clasp at the wide planes of his back, my fingernails skidding down the fabric of his dress shirt, threatening to rip the material. "Cooper, fuck!" I moan out as I watch where our bodies meet. Cooper took my wrist, pinning my arms above my head, sinking into me deeper. He watches me with knitted brows, completely lost in the actions. He dives down to my neck, teeth grazing a spot on my neck that stimulates the blissful warmth.

It's rolling through me, I can feel the tightness building in my core, the cord tightening. I toss my head back, closing my eyes. He pushes deeper. The trailer gives a slight rock, as our moans fill the vicinity. If anyone was near there would be no hiding our actions.

"Oh my God, I'm coming." I pant, the coil popping and my release begins flowing. I arch up into his chest. Cooper pulls out, finishing on the crumpled costume. I breathe deeply for what feels like hours. I open my eyes to see Cooper smirking above me, soft kisses peppering my cheeks as his hands glide down my arms, releasing where he's had them pinned above my head. Unable to move I just stare at him as I catch my breath.

“Oh my god.” He breathes out, readjusting himself before sitting by my feet. A smirk builds its way to his mouth. He runs a thumb over my legs.

I stay silent. I feel like I should pinch myself. I could swear I was dreaming if it wasn't for his fingertips trailing up my leg.

Oh, fuck, this was a mistake. This is so wrong. Maybe this was just a moment of weakness. He has a wonderful family...

He calls my name softly, continuing his soft touches. "You're thinking too loud, darlin'." I sit up, jitters still running through my body. "How could I not? That was-" "Amazing." He leans in catching my lips again, softly this time around. He pulls away, just enough to whisper. "Let me walk you to your car." I nod wordlessly, quickly changing into my regular clothing. Just as we are about to walk out the door, I tug his arm. "Wait." I press my lips down on his, meeting perfectly.

He walks me to the car, only passing a few stragglers, but paid them no mind, his hand still glued to my waist. He opens the door to my car, allowing me to get seated. He leans down with a smile, "I'll see you in the morning. Goodnight, beautiful."

As I drive away down the road, my smile slowly fades. "Oh, my god." I just slept with someone's husband, and I loved it! I stare at myself in the rearview mirror. I let myself fall limply against the headrest. I curse his name lowly as I fall into the shame of the actions I am committing behind closed doors.

Her car door shuts, and I am left staring at her vehicle slowly disappearing. my eyes in a daze, cheeks perking the color of a rose. Hell, I'm acting like a damn teenager. She makes me feel things again. Certain feelings of the warmth a good woman like her can spread. I am fucked. She was so warm, so tight. She fit so perfectly around my cock. I wanted to go slow, I was trying to beg myself to pace myself, but she was too irresistible.

I chuckle, running a finger over my lips. I had kissed costars before. It was never a problem. It certainly never leads to scandalous acts, but when it comes to her it seems everything is out of the ordinary for me. I shake my head lightly as I am whisked to my car. Floating on the memory of her eyes, laugh, kissable plump lips, and skin that smelt of strawberry jam. It was those thoughts that got me home. It was those thoughts that invaded my mind as poured myself a drink upon entry. They were also the thoughts that broke the thread as I pumped my shaft in my hand, once again overcome with the need for her. Concealed in the master bathroom, in the shower, allowing myself to fantasize about another woman. "Fuck," Her name left my mouth in a breathless moan.

I looked into the mirror at the man before me. He was a shameful mess. The present visions of her supplying my imagination didn't trouble me. The constant pressing of my cock threatening to twitch at the sound of her voice on the radio didn't trouble me. What troubled me was the fact that I enjoyed every second of it. I yearned for the morning sun each night, the fact of knowing I would be able to see her the next day was enough to close my eyes each night. I would get to hold her, brush her hair behind her ears, and smell the sweetness of her skin. A shameful mess I was indeed. The want grew each hour I spent thinking of her.

The bright sun in the sky barely kissed the hills as I opened the door to the studio. I was more in my element. Acting was fun, but I had been missing the feeling of confidently knowing what to do. In here, I could sing and sway to my plans and no one would correct me. I stretch on the ground freely, humming as I do. The door opens and I look back, silently hoping Cooper walks through. But it's just, Louis.

"Well, you seem to be in a good mood this morning," Louis calls out from the door. I smile at him, continuing to stretch. "I just caught up on some much-needed rest." Yes... Rest...

Louis eyes me up and down, not convinced. "I'm not buying that shit. What happened? You look... different. Did you curl your hair for rehearsal?" I slap his hand away from my hair. "So what if I did? I have appearances to keep up."

Louis rolls his eyes, "Yeah fucking right." He lies down on the floor with me as I stretch. "Who was it?" I look at him in confusion, "What?" Louis cackles, "Who did you fuck? Come on I want details." "No one. My god, Louis. Make yourself useful and go put my bag up." Louis tosses the bag over his shoulder with a smirk. "I'm just saying, you've never been this perky in the morning unless you've been riding a dick all night." I cover my eyes in embarrassment. Several of the crew were on set now and heard what Louis blared out. "Shut the fuck up." I snide at him.

I look around in hopes that Cooper wasn't around to see or hear the exchange, but I am never so lucky. He stands at the back of the room, tying his shoes, a small smirk littering his lips. If he did hear, then he is acting like he didn't.

He waltzes over looking awkward. Fuck, I knew this was going to be weird. I narrow my eyes at him as he sways from one foot to the other. "You okay?" I ask with a small smile. He was finally on my rank. These were my stomping grounds and he was completely lost. A light confidence perks in my veins. "Not much of a dancer, or a singer for that matter." He watches as I spin, the black leotard hugging my body. I catch his eyes burning into my frame. "I'm sure you're better than you think." "Oh, I don't know. Never been good at dancing with pretty women."

Jessica stands in front of us and the few extras needed. "I want to run the solo with the choreography from the first take. I know we talked about it, and I know you said you weren't all for the sexy moves, but-"

"No, let's do it." I want to run it." I interrupt her quickly, her eyes lighting up. She claps her hands with a smile. "Everyone else, take your position. We're going to run it."

Jessica gives me the floor as she begins the music. I feel the chords flowing, the music taking over. I begin the rehearsed song and choreography. Swaying lightly to begin, but slowly making out into the crowd. I sing and turn around the tables, captivating the eyes of everyone in the room. One in particular looked as if he was fighting his own will to stay seated. I sing as I sit at the table he's at. His eyes dive into mine and suddenly it is just the two of us, and I am singing directly to him.

I rest my hand on his chest. I can feel the rapid thump of his heart. Cooper stands placing his hands on either side of my face as I sing. He allows his hand to feel down the side of my body. Memorizing the curves of my waist. I turn his head to look back into my eyes, finishing the melody. He brings my face in, passionately pressing his lips down onto mine. Applause erupts from the studio, but he doesn't pull away. Cooper grips my waist tightly, dragging me to the edge of the table, pushing his hardened cock into my thigh. I gasp feeling his length against my leg.

Unknowing to others, but I know. By the look on his face, he knows that I know. A smirk grew on his lips. “I’d say that scene will be perfect, darlin’.” Cooper pulls away from my body, the warmth disappearing. He sits in the seat watching my every move such as a predator stalking their prey.

#cooper howard #cooper howard x reader #cooper howard fallout #the ghoul x reader #the ghoul #the ghoul fallout #fallout imagine #fallout

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jay-joy-bee · 7 months

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The Bee Save is BACK! Total cc-free overhaul of all worlds: Builds with real personality and townies with history, relationships, and more!

I'm so fucking proud of myself for getting back to this project after a year of a neurological disability taking over my life and becoming really disillusioned with all my hobbies. Now updated all the way through Tomarang!

Welcome to The Bee Save!

This is a total redesign of the Sims 4 worlds and townies. The lots come in new and interesting architectural styles not explored in the base world, and the sims inhabiting them are stylish and have full personalities. New world descriptions, community lots (a bowling alley! an ice rink/diner! a movie theater!), and everything else you would want when you open up the game. It also includes plenty of multi-generational families spread across the worlds.

This is a pack-integrated save file: All packs (except Journey to Batuu and the dust kit) are utilized across the worlds. There are eco-friendly and industrial neighborhoods outside of Evergreen Harbor, lifestyles outside of Mt. Komorebi, vet clinics outside of Brindleton Bay, and more. Because of this, items or CAS details may be replaced or deleted by the game if you do not have all the packs.

Version 2.0 Changes

The hospital, police station, and science lab are all built now. If you want to download them for previous saves using this file, they are on the gallery. Username is the same as my Patreon.

No more kleptomaniacs...because apparently they just steal stuff.

Version 3.0 Changes

Updated for the Cottage Living; Henford-on-Bagley rebuilt and repopulated

Minor build fixes & changes

Version 4.0 Changes

Updated for My Wedding Stories; Tortosa rebuilt and repopulated

Some friendships and relationships restored from previous known issue; still investigating, but I've been able to fix some of the major problems

Version 5.0 Changes

Updated through For Rent pack and February 2024 patch

All builds intended to be apartments/townhomes from the beginning are now residential rentals!

DOWNLOAD INSTRUCTIONS:

To download, simply place the attached file in your saves folder. THIS IS NOT A MOD; IT DOES NOT GO IN YOUR MODS FOLDER. Read it, then read it again if you aren't familiar with downloading custom saves. If you already have the same slot filled, you can rename it to a later number as long as it has the same amount of digits. You may have to scroll down when you open the game and hit 'load game' in order to find it.

Remember to adjust your gameplay settings when you start up. As it is, the save file has autonomy and aging off.

Please note: This is an integrated pack file. If you do not have certain packs, certain CAS items and objects will not appear.

Enjoy this major passion project of mine, and consider supporting me on Patreon if you want to provide feedback, give suggestions, or just support the thousands of hours that went into this save!

DOWNLOAD HERE (Patreon/Google Drive, free)

If you'd like to support the save file without subscribing to my Patreon:

Venmo: @jayjoybee

Paypal: [email protected]

@maxismatchccworld @mystickylightcolor

Please tag any CC blogs or creators who may be interested!

#sims 4 #s4mm cc #sims 4 mods #sims 4 edit #sims 4 save file #showusyourbuilds #showusyoursims #ts4 screenshots

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hotdaemondtargaryen · 1 month

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PHIA SABAN INTERVIEWED FOR CONTENTMODE MAGAZINE.

CONGRATULATIONS ON HOUSE OF THE DRAGON! HOW HAS THE PROCESS BEEN SO FAR?

"Thank you! It’s a cool thing."

"When we’re working on it we’re in our own little microcosm with each other and those characters, and now it’s coming out and we’re seeing it all link up and become something else."

"It’s very new to me."

"Acting on screen still feels very new to me."

"I am so lucky to get to work with this group of people, they are so clever and loving."

"Recently we’ve been promoting the show and have been asked for opinions and explanations about our characters and the story."

"I’ve found it a new and funny facet of the job, to be asked sometimes to represent myself and speak from the character and for the bigger picture."

"It can feel different from acting, where you engage with the contradictions and spend more time with the mystery and the magic than the answers."

"I guess I’m saying that I’ve found this process contains multitudes."

"And watching the show is surreal — there are all my pals in wigs!"

MANY DIE-HARD GAME OF THRONES FANS HAVE READ THE BOOK SERIES AND ANTICIPATE PLOT POINTS IN THE TELEVISION SERIES. HOW DO YOU PROVIDE A FRESH TAKE ON FAMILIAR MATERIAL?

"It’s major to be part of something that people already feel passionate about, but it’s also exciting to have the chance to subvert expectations."

"It’s fun to make up little secrets that only you know about."

"As a viewer, I always like to be surprised anyway."

"I think it’s important (and fun) to have some irreverence for the genre so that you’re not patronizing your audience."

"The hope is to be part of something that challenges people!"

YOU'VE FOUND SUCCESS IN THE FANTASY AND DRAMATIC GENRES. ARE THERE ANY OTHER GENRES YOU'D LIKE TO EXPLORE?

"Yes! I miss being in plays so much."

"I cannot wait to be in the theater again."

"I’ve never been in a film, I’d love to make an independent one."

"Oh! To be in something people call a ‘picture’!"

"Recently I’ve been fantasizing about learning motion-capture and playing some sort of animal or creature."

"I’d love to be part of a suburban coming-of-age film, like the ones I obsessed over growing up."

"I’d like to do a great limited series, an intense crime one."

"And I could narrowly avoid being eaten by a shark, or an alien."

"I have dreams of doing a time-spanning project."

"I’d like to be the voice of an animation!"

"I‘d love to have a go at the present day."

"And maybe a dystopian future."

"And a Western?"

"I always want to do something funny."

"And strange."

"There are so many TA and filmmakers I admire (I won’t list them but they’re always being lovingly scribbled in my notebook.)"

"I’ll learn Norwegian and French for them!"

"I’m excited to keep finding new people too."

"More than all these, there are so many more things I hope to do, if I’m lucky."

"Not that I give it much thought or anything…"

HAS YOUR REAL LIFE INSPIRED YOUR APPROACH TO YOUR CHARACTER IN ANY WAY?

"Sometimes a character can be an expansion pack for your real life, like a new way to see things."

"So maybe it’s more that the fantasy inspires your real life!"

"It’s been really fun to explore Helaena’s interests."

"I’ve thought quite a lot about bugs."

"I get a huge kick out of investigating how her mind works and finding all the ways her’s overlaps with mine."

"I do lots of people-watching, which is great because now when I’m staring at people on the bus I can tell myself that I’m ‘working’."

WHILE FANTASY CAN SEEMS UNTETHERED FROM REALITY, DO YOU THINK IT CAN REFLECT THE REAL WORLD?

"Haha I hope so, otherwise that would be boring!"

"I suppose these stories are full of archetypes, which should mirror universal truths."

"But maybe that’s just good TV?"

WHAT TYPES OF NARRATIVED DO YOU FIND YOURSELF DRAWN TOWARDS WHEN READING SCRIPTS AND CHOOSING ROLES?

"Something surprising and honest that doesn’t tell me what to think!"

"And I love it when a script lets sad things be funny."

WHAT INSPIRES YOU AS AN ACTOR?

"Other actors, a lot."

"On a good day, almost everything can…"

"That might be one of the best things about being an actor."

#house of the dragon #hotd #hotd s2 #tv shows #team green #phia saban #interview #contentmode magazine #queen helaena targaryen #helaena targaryen #hotd helaena #hotd cast #actors #movies #i love when she talks about how excited she is to do upcoming projects

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luv4healy · 21 days

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i do my best writing when it's about you!

★ word count: 2816

★ this is chapter one: every corner of this house is haunted

★ notes: angst, romantic tension, eventual happy ending, song-inspired, pretentious & emotionally cautious oc!

★ enjoy! ao3 link here / masterlist here

I’ve always loved writing.

When I was sixteen, I entered my work into a local writing contest and, while I didn’t win, the praise I received ignited a high I couldn’t come down from. When I met Matty for the first time, his passion for music and lyricism kept that high going. We’d sit on the floor of my childhood bedroom and chat for hours, discussing different verses for his unreleased songs and critiquing choruses on songs that had just been released at the time.

That was years ago. Sixteen felt like a dream state.

Now, we’re both older and busier, and my new apartment has grown quieter as his workload picks up and mine keeps steady. He was preparing to release his second studio album with his band, while I continued with photography full-time and worked as a journalist part-time.

It was sad not to have him around. In some weird, nauseating way, I could feel his presence in my apartment even while he was gone. It was like he left a part of himself behind, haunting me as I slept and following me around as I worked. I couldn’t stand it. I should be happy his presence lingers like it does, but instead of showing some fondness for his ghost, I found myself despising it.

I couldn’t blame him for our distance, per se. After all, we both had our commitments. However, I doubted that I haunted him the way he haunted me.

Once finishing the final edits for a client’s wedding photos, I found myself holding onto my phone and unlocking it, opening my messages, and searching for Matty’s contact. He was pinned at the top, sandwiched between my sister and my best friend Vivian. I thinly smiled at the screen and clicked on his contact photo.

“Hey, what’s up?” I texted, hovering my thumb over the arrow.

I debated if this was a good idea. I fought with myself, battling back and forth if he’d even reply. Before I could back out of sending it, my thumb accidentally pressed against the screen, delivering the message to Matty. I cursed, angrily turning off my phone and throwing it towards the end of my bed. My hands covered my face, a wave of first-hand embarrassment coursing through my veins and raising my body temperature.

My heart began to pound, rattling against my ribs as I awaited his response.

I waited there for a few minutes, my heartbeat slowing as I realized he might be busy, or that maybe he read it and didn’t feel up to sending a message back. But, right as my anxiety dipped and I let my guard down, my phone dinged and buzzed at the edge of my bed, lighting up against my covers.

I sighed, reaching over and picking it up.

“Here with the band, reviewing material for the album. Otherwise, not much. You?”

It was surprising to hear he wasn’t busy. With a new album on the cusp of its debut, I would be swamped. I then realized the difference between Matty and me: he was nonchalant, almost too calm about the workload he threw himself into. I, on the other hand, didn’t know what calm meant, carrying a sense of workload anxiety along with me everywhere I went.

“Really? That’s good,” I said. “Excited to hear the album when it releases.”

I was excited for him. I knew his passion for this project meant seeing him less, and while that made me upset, it did not waver the excitement and pride I felt.

I’d always be his biggest fan.

Eventually, as I watched my phone screen for a reply, the text bubble popped up.

“Why wait? The guys and I are chilling at George’s place and listening through what we have so far if you want to come along. We have wine. I know you like wine.”

I read his text over and over, wondering if this was real.

He asked me to join them.

I typed out a reply with wide eyes, throwing my legs over the side of my bed. “I would like to. For the wine, though,” I teased.

“Whatever,” he responded. “Hurry over, then.”

I liked his message and turned off my phone, placing my feet on the carpeted floor of my bedroom. I walked towards my closet. It wasn’t cold enough for anything too heavy, so I slipped into a pair of jean shorts and a band tee, a white long-sleeved turtleneck layered underneath.

I smiled in the mirror.

Maybe, in some wavering universe, the ghost of Matty that lingered around my apartment heard my thoughts and reported back to him. Perhaps he had my contact opened on his phone, too. I thought about all the possibilities as I brushed through my hair, deciding not to tie it back with a hair tie. It lingered against my face, tickling my cheeks as I grabbed my keys off my nightstand, pocketed my phone, and slipped sneakers onto my feet.

The drive to George’s place was solemn. I didn’t turn the radio on. I rolled down all the windows, feeling the wind seep through and kiss the bare skin of my arms. Once I parked my car along the street, I grabbed my journal from my glove compartment, thinking it’d be a good opportunity to get a bit of writing done.

There was no need to knock on the door, it was propped open with a sneaker.

I rolled my eyes, lingering in the doorway before walking in.

Adam, who sat the closest to the doorway, was the first to see me arrive. He smiled wide and gave me a small wave. “Hey, look who made it!”

I waved back, tucking my journal under my arm. “Hi, everyone.”

“Wine’s sitting on the counter,” George replied. “Glad to have ya.”

I gave him a thumbs up, stepping through the doorway and looking around. My heart almost stopped when I saw Matty, whose eyes were already lingering on my frame. He stood up from his seat and met me in the middle of the room, hesitating for a moment before giving me a small hug. His lips parted, and I watched as his arms fell to his side as he released me. “For a second, I assumed you might not show.”

“Really?” I questioned him. “Were you nervous, or…”

He shook his head, shoving his hands into his pocket. “No, no. Just the distance, that’s all. I’ve been shit at making plans with you since our workload increased.”

“It’s fine,” I said. I was willing to brush it off.

Matty wasn’t, though. He shook his head again. “Would you stop that?”

“What?” I laughed. “It’s fine.”

He rolled his eyes. “Find a spot, we’re gonna run through the tracklist.”

“Don’t be a stranger, either,” George reiterated. “Help yourself to whatever.”

I nodded. “Heard,” I said.

I grabbed a glass from George’s cabinet, filled it with wine, and found a seat. I sat next to Matty, directly across from Ross and Adam. Once settled, I set my journal on the table next to me.

I’ve known these guys for years but sometimes still found myself nervous around them. It was weird. I knew we were all the same: we were artists, after all, but I couldn’t help but feel a tad out of place.

George queued up the tracklist for their album and I settled into my seat, sipping from my glass. The red from the wine stained the corners of my lips. As the album played through, Adam sat up straight and focused his eyes on me. “So, how have you been? Are you still in the photography business?”

“Mhm,” I nodded. “I love it. It’s so freeing.”

“I’m glad,” he replied.

Ross perked up. “I saw you posted a few pictures not too long ago.”

“I try now and then,” I sat my glass down. “Keeps my Instagram feed organized.”

“Have you been writing?” Matty chimes in.

I shake my head. “Haven’t been recently, no.”

He tilted his head in response, deciding against replying.

His silence stung.

Adam tried to add something else to the conversation but was silenced by George, who’s perched over his laptop. Matty dryly chuckled, the rough draft of their album playing through the living room of George’s apartment.

It was beautiful. It reminded me of their self-titled album, but at the same time, it was completely different. It carried a whole new aesthetic. I hummed along, trying to learn the lyrics as the songs played out. Matty snuck a few glances. I could feel his eyes on me, even if I hadn’t been looking in his direction. For a moment, there was peace. No one spoke. We watched each other with a shared eagerness, the music softly surrounding us.

It felt nostalgic.

I exhaled, pulling my legs underneath my weight.

When the final track came on, there was a heaviness that entered with it. I could feel it in the room, I could feel it in the air surrounding us. I could feel it next to me on the couch, burying itself into Matty and taking place inside his body. He adjusted, clearing his throat and prying himself from his seat. He grabbed a pack of cigarettes from his jacket pocket, silently excusing himself.

I looked around, watching as he stepped onto the balcony connected to George’s place. I turned to Adam, who shrugged with a slight frown.

“Is he okay?” I asked. It was meant to be louder but came out as a whisper. Like something got stuck in my throat.

Ross parted his lips. “The entirety of this album is emotionally charged. Sometimes when we replay it and search for things we need to edit, he steps out for a breather.”

George nodded, confirming Ross’ words.

I pulled my legs into myself. “Yeah, I could feel the shift in tone as the tracks played out. I love it, though. Beautiful work, you guys.”

Adam mouthed a small “thank you,” while George nodded and Ross smiled. The tracklist finished and the three grouped around George’s computer, conversing over any final edits they should make. I released my legs from my grasp, allowing them to stretch as I stood up. I turned towards the balcony doors, stepping over and peering out.

Matty’s smoking silently in the corner.

I watch as he adjusts. He’s hunched over the balcony and observing the passing cars.

Sliding open the door just a tad, I slipped through quietly and stood there, waiting to see if he’d felt my presence or heard me enter. He does, but refuses to turn his head or move from his position. Ash falls from his cigarette. The wind picks up slightly, blowing through his curls and brushing past my figure.

“It’s quiet out here,” I spoke up.

Other than the cars, the neighborhood was silent. It felt as if we were the only ones awake.

Matty nodded, moving the cigarette from his lips and flicking the butt towards the sidewalk below. “Yeah,” he whispered. “Dead silent, but peaceful.”

I scratched my head. It had been a while since we’d shared such an intimate moment, and I was almost unsure how to help, or if he even wanted to talk.

“I liked the album,” I finally spat out. “Gorgeous work.”

“Yeah?” He questioned, sitting up and looking towards me. “I’m glad.”

I gave him a half-smile, stepping closer and leaning against the wall. “It might be some of the best art you’ve ever made. The writing is so captivating, I felt like I was living vicariously through you.”

He nodded but changed the subject, catching me off guard.

“You haven’t been writing?” He asked.

I crossed my arms in front of my chest, watching him as he stood across from me. “I mean, I have been writing. I’m a part-time journalist, so I spend chunks of my time writing. It just hasn’t been personal or creative recently, I guess.”

“Why?” He asked again. “Wasn’t that your thing? Our thing?”

“Yeah,” I spoke up. “That hasn’t changed, Matty.”

That was partly a lie. It had changed. It felt weird trying to be creative without my creative partner. Even if I brought my journal tonight, it sat vacant in George’s living room. Things were constantly changing, and I couldn’t handle that change.

Matty’s ghost haunted me frequently, desperately trying to fill in for his absence. I knew it wasn’t purposeful. I knew we were adults now and that our paths diverged, but it hurt coming to that conclusion. It would always hurt, I was sure of it.

“You don’t have to lie,” he said. “Please don’t lie.”

“What?” I said a little louder. “I’m not a liar.”

“You can say you’re upset with me, I can take it,” he muttered.

“I’m not upset with you,” I restated.

“Yes, you are!” He wants to shout, I can tell. He doesn’t though. He tries to remain composed, praying that his friends won’t hear him spatting back and forth with me.

I rolled my eyes in response. “Whatever, Matty.”

“Why haven’t you been writing?” He straightened his posture, focusing on me.

I didn’t want to say anything.

I stayed silent.

He looked at me with some form of anguish, trying desperately to pry the answer out of me.

He parted his lips. “Well?”

I closed my eyes and exhaled, releasing a shaky breath. My words are almost muffled, coated in a certain silence. “It feels weird.”

Confused, he shifted his weight from one leg to the other.

I watched as his eyebrow furrowed. “What do you mean?”

“It feels weird to try and force something onto paper. God, it feels so strange creating without you,” I spat out.

He glared, listening to me speak and trying to find something to reply with.

“I know it’s not our fault,” I continued. “I know we get busy, but it hurts. I can’t collaborate with you as often as we used to, and it feels so absent without your presence in my apartment.”

Matty frowns slightly, his expression shifting almost immediately. He sighed, shoving his hands into the front pockets of his jeans. “Nothing’s changed, though. You know that, right?”

“Honestly?” I said. “I don’t. I mean, they have. You can’t say they haven’t.”

“How?” He questioned me. “Just because of a little absence?”

“It’s not just the absence, Matty!” My voice raised in volume. I can hear Adam, George, and Ross in the other room. They’re shifting their focus towards the balcony.

My arms uncrossed from in front of my chest, falling to my sides as I exhaled. “You haunt me,” I admitted. “Your ghost is tethered to me. It haunts me, and I can’t take it anymore.”

Matty remained confused, silent as he pieced together what I said. His silence spoke numbers. It was clear now that I was right. I didn’t haunt him. He didn’t spend every waking hour overthinking our friendship: if you could even call it a friendship. I didn’t know what we were to each other, anymore. Deep down, maybe I’d wished for more.

His hands covered his face, dragging downwards as he thought over everything. “I’m sorry,” he had finally said. “I’m sorry for being such a shitty friend. I’m sorry for haunting you.”

I felt like an idiot.

“Don’t apologize,” I replied. “It’s fine.”

“I wish you would stop saying that,” he scoffed. “It’s not fucking fine.”

“One day it will be,” I said as I backed away from the wall. I looked towards the door leading back inside, contemplating making my exit.

Matty watched as I did so. “Don’t leave, not like this.”

I lied again, muttering as I took small, calculated steps toward the balcony door. “It’s late. Can I text you tomorrow?” Once I left George’s apartment, there was no way I’d text Matty about this. I wanted nothing more than to forget this conversation existed, but I knew that’d never happen. The least I could do was shove it away and pretend.

Matty stood motionless. “Please,” he pleaded.

My eyes were glossy as he watched over me, my body now halfway through the balcony door. With a broken voice, I stepped all the way through. “I’m sorry, I have to go.”

I ran out of George’s apartment as quickly as I could, glancing behind me as I approached my car. Matty didn’t chase after me. I didn’t expect him to. I unlocked my car doors, slipped into my front seat, and sat there in deafening silence. I lingered there before turning the key in the ignition and stepping on the gas, tears threatening to fall on my way back home.

I was a liar. I was selfish. I had felt such obscure feelings, an idiot for even thinking they’d be reciprocated.

Matty’s ghost reminded me of such, his presence heavy in the passenger seat of my car.

#the 1975 #matty healy x reader #matty healy fic #adam hann #ao3 fanfic #ao3 writer #matty healy x oc #matty the 1975 #angst #matty healy angst #eventual romance #eventual happy ending #matty healy

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a-witches-riddle · 1 month

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✨✨Pinned Post✨✨

Uhhh looks like I’ve been getting lotsa followers lately so here’s a pinned post about me I guess!!

Hiya! I’m Bree! I’m a trans poly-pan wolfgirl that hangs out on the internet doin gay stuff! My blog is primarily a random/personal blog, with no real theme other than my love for women and being transfem :3

Here’s a lil’ bit of personal info for y’all to get to know who I am a bit better!

I’m a trans woman! I found out who I was in 2017, and through a slow and gradual process I eventually socially transitioned. I’ve been on hormones for over a year now, too!

I’ve been a lot happier since I’ve been on hormones, and it’s drastically improved my mental state. I finally feel good in my body.

Despite my general affinity and attraction to women, I am pansexual, which means yes, I find just about any one of any gender attractive, I just have a preference towards women.

I have a partner that I love dearly and more than anything in the world. We have a very special and unique bond together that can’t quite be explained or rivaled, and we’re happy together 🖤💜🐺🦇

I consider myself a “Furry Lite”™️. I don’t really have a fursona or anything, but I very much identify with wolves and consider myself a puppygirl, with all the works. Yes, I will bark and whine for headpaps :3

I don’t really have that much shame about my kinks. This is an 18+ blog so obviously expect adult content.

I have a few hobbies, including playin vidya games. I play a lotta random things, but one of my favorites is Cyberpunk 2077. I also tend to play a lot of survival horror and just survival games in general. Big Resident Evil nerd and Project Zomboid enjoyer. Also very into Fnaf and Cod zombies lore… don’t ask because I will loredump.

I’m not the biggest into movies or tv, but I’ve seen my fair share of the popular stuff. I’m a big horror movie junkie, Saw being one of my brainrots. I also am absolutely obsessed with Arcane, which swiftly became one of my favorite shows of all time

I also love making OC’s! I’ve been writing since I was like, 8 years old, and making characters has always been a passion of mine. Lilith and Tara are my main OC’s, and my writing has been fairly private. Not sure if I want to share any of my writing publicly or not, but who knows! Maybe one day I’ll muster up the courage for it.

I’m not really public in general on most platforms; tumblr really is the main place that I’m at all active save discord. Not necessarily an active choice I make but a situation that happened more out of circumstance.

uhhhh i think that’s it! I hope y’all like my blog of random gayness and silliness! My dm’s are always open if you have a question or just wanna chat! Love y’all 💙🏳️‍⚧️

#bree ramblings #pinned post

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777rare · 1 year

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ASTROLOGY OBSERVATIONS PT.6

THESE NOTES ARE ONLY A STUDY OF MINE AND HAS/HAS NOT BEEN PROVEN YET, SO IF IT DOES NOT RESONATE WITH YOU, FORGIVE ME AS IT WAS ONLY A STUDY/OBSERVATION OF MINE.

I DO NOT PLAGIARIZE, COPY OR REWORD ANY OF MY FELLOW ASTROLOGY OBSERVERS POSTS AND I DEMAND THE SAME IN RETURN

DO NOT READ FURTHUR IF YOU ARE A MINOR.

hiii, I am so sorry for not responding to any asks or being active here. I know I can't give any excuse but yes, I have been travelling a lot recently and I have only some time to check out some posts n all here. I'll make sure to respond to my loving readers asks so please be patient, I'm sorry. So yeah! I'm here now and I hope u enjoy!❤🙌🏻

kiss asteroid-venus (esp.conjunction, sextile) are such sensual, romantic kisses. They're amazing kissers. They can make anyone fall head over heels for them after just one kiss hahaha. They love love love hickeys, neck kisses so much (giving and receiving).💋👄💓

Angel asteroid in pisces/12th House/ in pisces degree(12°,24°) natives recieve guidance and messages from their angels intuitively, like through sudden thoughts, while daydreaming and visions. They also receive messages and guidance through their dreams while asleep and through meditation.👼😇🧘‍♀️👁🧿

Kiss asteroid in earth signs are the most sensual kissers. So damn- 😩🤒 godd. The most sexc kisses for real.🤌🏻🔥

I feel like kiss asteroid in Capricorn/aquarius gon have their first kiss a little late in their life or if they have had it early it would be unexpected or not so enjoyable. I don't know. Just guessing. Please let me know how this relates. Doesn't matter if it isn't true, I would be grateful for your interaction.❤😊

born asteroid aspecting 3+ personal planets natives are born to accomplish a lot of things in this birth. These natives become a lot of things in life like a singer, actor, dancer, politician, anything more. Example: Arnold Schwarzenegger has born asteroid aspecting mercury,venus,mars, jupiter and his born asteroid is conjunct mercury and venus. He became an actor(venus=art,drama,creativity), a bodybuilder(mars= muscles, stamina), a politician(mercury= wit,intelligence, communicator, messenger) he also came to be known by a lot of people in the world( jupiter= expander, worship, attention, luck). Minor aspects count as well! Never ignore minor aspects in any kind of observation as it is equally important too.☁️☀️💓

Transylvania asteroid aspecting ascendant natives suit the vampire/Dracula look. These guys look amazing when they put on fangs. A lot of people find these natives alluring yet scary. Like people be like "wow, brrrr"-😮😳😰

Check which sign/house jupiter is in your natal chart. Since jupiter expands immensely, that would be the vibes you give off the most. Ex: jupiter in fire sign or house give off vibes that project activeness, passion and even too much fire in their aura or anger at times. People may feel They are always angry or upset because they have this angry look or glare or even just a face of that sort.💥

Pars fortunae/part of fortune asteroid- venus(esp. Conjunct or sextile) natives can get lots of fortune if they do anything related to beauty, jewelery, clothing, fashion and all things related to venus. These natives can also have a lot of fortune because of their own beauty.💅🏻👄🙌🏻

Natives with sweet asteroid conjunct sun/moon/venus are honestly the most sweetest people alive. They're so so damn sweet and loving in nature. These natives are so sweet you could be diabetic after hearing them say something about you lmfao😩💓❤🤌🏻

asteroids mentioned: 13954,8267,11727,1537,11911

That's it for today, I know it's not much but im trying my best so I really hope you guys enjoyed!❤🫂 And again I will reply to all the asks and I'll be more active soon. Thankyou so much for your time, bye!❤🏝

#spiritualawakening #spirituality #spiritual enlightenment #witch community #witchery #witchy #blessings #astro community #astrology notes #astrology observations #astrology tumblr #astro posts #astroblr #astro observations #astro placements

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genericpuff · 9 months

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Hi! Maybe this is a difficult question with no answer, but as a fan of Rekindled who might want to start their own comic, what do you suggest to avoid burnout? Do you start wiht writting the script right away, you doodle a bit,..? Thanks for reading, I love how you draw big noses, makes me more comfy with mine!

no fr my dark secret is that i've been experiencing burnout with my main original project that I've spent the last decade working on for literally a year now. this isn't the first long hiatus i've taken, the longest one i've ever been on has lasted two years, and it's undoubtedly not the last i'll experience because the lump of salt and fat and tissue that is my brain often overworks itself into exhaustion like a big dummy

rekindled has been my reprieve from the burnout. it has been my vacation from years of working on the same project, meeting the same deadlines, drawing the same characters, over and over and over again since before i was in college.

if there's anything working on rekindled has made clear to me, it's that i'm still capable of drawing comics. the comic-making isn't the problem. it's just that when you work on the same project for years and trap yourself in an uphill battle, eventually your climbing gear is bound to break.

if there's another thing that rekindled has opened my eyes to, it's the insanity that i put myself through prior to rekindled that led to my burnout in the first place.

i get people telling me that they couldn't imagine doing what i do, that even before i had my assistant helping me out, i was still able to put out 30-40 panel updates every week.

but before that, i was putting out 70-90 panel episodes of my original work. every week. full color. full spread action scenes. no assistant. very little financial gain aside from a couple patrons on patreon and one dedicated viewer on twitch, which i was also streaming on 2-3 times a week.

and now that i've been working on rekindled and even finding myself often crunched for time with that, i have zero clue, no idea, a complete lack of comprehension of how i pulled off 70-90 panels a week for months on end. there's a reason it resulted in burnout and i know that now. this comparison is not for the sake of a flex - this comparison is to make it clear that much of what i do isn't the norm and isn't exactly a healthy standard. case in point, i sneezed while sweeping up yesterday morning and it caused a muscle strain in my lower back/hips and i've been working out of my bed since, i'm in a lot of pain and it might mean i don't make any money this week if it's not better by the time i have to do my appointments at my day job on thursday. my need to create my personal passion projects is often at odds with my bad habits of not taking care of myself 。゜゜(´Ｏ`) ゜゜。

when it comes to tackling burnout, your guess is as good as mine. really it just comes down to rest. when burnout - real, true burnout - hits, it's not just "man i'm bored of working on this", it's "i can't even think of looking at this thing let alone working on it", it's basically akin to depression and it's an awful thing that i wouldn't even wish on my worst enemy (even with Rachel, I don't want to psychoanalyze her mental health but it does seem like she's possibly been experiencing burnout with LO for years now and that really sucks for her if that's true). so the solution is just as complicated as the cause, it's not something that you can just rest from for a week and come back from, it takes real long-term healing.

when I found my way out of that 2 year hiatus, it was in spring of 2019 and I decided to just work on a random comic page that wasn't even in the comic I was working on. and then suddenly it was like a switch flicked back into the on position and i didn't even finish what i was working on, i just went back to my original project and i kept working on it until it was finally finished at the end of 2021. as suddenly and randomly as it had set in, it was gone. but i can't just do the same thing this time, it just doesn't work that way.

that said, through all this, i've learned that my need to create is not restricted to any one tangible thing, i'm not doomed or designed to stick with the same words, the same faces, the same ideas until the end of time. while i do try to keep up healthy routines for myself to ensure i'm looking out for my future self and their deadlines and their upload schedules, sometimes the heart wants what the heart wants. and in my case, the heart wanted to take a break from the self-reflective psychological analysis dark fantasy weebo stuff and just draw some pink and blue characters a little less ugly. the self-reflective weebo shit will still be there when i'm done with the pink and blue stuff, and i'll surely have loads of new things to unpack through it once i return.

there are still times when i'm working on rekindled and i'm feeling the creeping hand of my routine destruction digging its claws into my back. the reality is that 30-40 panels is still a lot for someone like myself who's doing this entirely for free, but my definition of normal for a while was so insanely inhumane that even what's still considered a lot by most people's standards feels sane and normal to me after what i put myself through.

i've learned to be more gentle with myself, and to loosen my own expectations of what i'm capable of to ensure i don't do anything like that to myself, by myself, again. i give myself room to create without expectations or the pressure of eyes watching when i can, and i remind myself that even if burnout rears its head again, and again, and again, the will to create is not gone. it's just tired, and resting, and growing, and healing as i am.

anyways that turned into a self-reflective essay post, to answer your question about making stuff ahead of time, i find that's more helpful with just like, planning out a structured story (so you don't write yourself into a corner) but whether or not it helps with burnout kind of depends. because it can just as also easily be the cause of the problem because constantly seeing the stuff you wanna be drawing so far away can be just as much of a morale killer as a motivator. some of the stuff i'm super psyched to write and draw with time gate is years away and that timeline grows longer the more the burnout goes on which makes the struggle feel even more overwhelming and pointless and defeating. so plan ahead, but keep it all within your means if you can. i find what works for me is planning out just general beat-to-beat plot structures (to ensure i at least have a plot skeleton going on so i know where i'm going) then i leave the finer details to when the actual episode i've planned gets closer to fruition and i can get myself in the headspace to write it fully.

also remember that just because you're really excited and motivated to work on your comic doesn't mean you should work yourself into exhaustion - it's a good thing if you're going through the mundane of your daily routine and the whole time you're hyped af to work on your hobby/personal project/etc. because that's what will keep you moving forward, so don't spend all that hype in one place by working and working and working until you're exhausted, because that hype is REALLY hard to get back after you've spent it all.

long post over! hope that helps! best of luck in your projects! ( ´ ∀ `)ノ～ ♡

#also aaah thank you for the nose compliment haha #i love drawing different kinds of noses <3 #ama #ask me anything #anon ama #anon ask me anything #self post

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eddiebabygirldiaz · 1 year

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Fuck it Friday

Tagged by @honestlydarkprincess @spotsandsocks @rewritetheending @lover-of-mine @diazblunt @disasterbuckdiaz @wikiangela

Thank you my dears! Muah! 💖

Here's some more of paint sex fic which is turning out to be quite ridiculous and i don't even know what is happening anymore but there WILL be paint sex... eventually

“Just hear me out,” Buck says with a little shake of his hands, which means he is about to launch into a passionate info dump and Eddie–

Well, Eddie is in love, and Buck’s passion and knowledge about anything and everything and the sound of his voice are all on Eddie’s things I love list, so he smiles through a sigh, leans his hip against the shopping cart that is filled with dozens of other supplies for their home improvement projects, and listens intently, fondly, eagerly, as Buck details the psychological benefits of painting their bedroom dark purple.

“Studies show that this color helps slow down respiration and heart rate which makes it one of the most suitable colors for a bedroom, because it soothes you and calms you down and it is actually the most restful color for your eyes so it contributes greatly to feelings of comfort and well-restedness. And it’s such a rich and sophisticated color, often associated with luxury and royalty. But we could go with a lighter color if you want. Pale shades of purple are said to be flexible and really good for both early and late risers since those hues have both soothing and revitalizing qualities.”

As Buck talks, Eddie employs one of the skills that he is grateful he possesses: multitasking.

He watches and catalogues the way Buck moves as he talks. The way his hands flutter in between them, waving this way and that as if he is trying to illustrate each word he says, attempting to paint a picture for Eddie to see. The way his eyes go so big and round as he gets himself excited, full of an uncontainable wonder that Eddie has occasionally found himself jealous of but has always appreciated, especially when he sees the exact same shade of that wonder glowing in Chris’ eyes too. The way Buck shifts from foot to foot, going up on his toes every now and then, doing the tiniest of jumps to release the energy that is almost always filtering through his body.

It’s such a sight, one that Eddie could never tire of, more beautiful and captivating than any work of art or miracle, something like sparkling divinity embedded in every single movement, wrapping around Buck’s form in a sacred shroud that makes him glow like an eternal star whose light could never burn out.

Eddie leans his body further against the cart, appreciating the physicality of Buck and happily soaking up his incandescent aura.

No, Eddie doesn’t really believe in things like auras but Buck has always been good at making Eddie believe in things he never could have imagined and he’s in a place where he can fully embrace that and not fight against it. Something like the faith that so many churches and priests tried to instill in him finally coming alive within his soul now that he has a real and miraculous man in front of him that he can worship.

Tagging: @elvensorceress @spaceprincessem @hippolotamus @shortsighted-owl @jeeyuns @paranoidbean @bigfootsmom @jesuisici33 @devirnis @giddyupbuck @rogerzsteven @loserdiaz @monsterrae1 @buddierights @heartshapedvows @bvckandeddie @cowboy-buck @cowboy-buddie @transbuck @transboybuckley @folk-fae @fleurdebeton @butchdiaz @shitouttabuck @bucks118 @forthewolves @911onabc @diazass @roy-kents @anxieteandbiscuits (i know you are in writing jail but ily and am an attention whore soooo) and anyone else who wants to share!

#sorry it got a bit lengthy but i am very excited about this even tho i am in now way in control of this fic #buddie #buddie wip #paint sex fic #evan buck buckley #eddie diaz #911 #911 fic #ryan writes #fuck it friday

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girlactionfigure · 1 year

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He was born on June 10, 1928.

When he was growing up, he was called a “sissy.”

During that difficult time, Murray, as he was then known, “harbored ongoing fear of the perils that might lurk outside of his home and neighborhood”, according to writer Stephen Whitfield.

He also remembered how fortunate he and his family were to be alive. “The extermination of most of his relatives and millions of other Jews by the Nazis; the intrusive, unemployed immigrants who survived and crowded his parents’ small apartment; his sickly childhood; his mother’s dark moods; his own ever-present depression” - all of this, he survived, according to Patricia Cohen of The New York Times.

He knew he was different, an outcast in a sense. He longed to be accepted.

“Maybe you’re familiar with this story,” wrote Michele Kirichanskaya. “A young boy in a white wolf costume is sent to his room after he runs around the house, terrorizing his family, screaming at his mother, “I’LL EAT YOU UP!” After being sent to bed with no dinner, the boy finds himself in a strange new world, filled with vines and trees and terrible creatures he calls the ‘Wild Things.’ He becomes the king, the wildest thing of them all.

“When ‘Where the Wild Things Are’ was first published in 1963 by what was then Harper & Row Books, no one predicted how it would take the world of children’s literature by storm. Adults were puzzled as their children, once reluctant readers, dragged them to the library over and over again to read this story, one that was unlike any other at the time. Within the realm of children’s books, a space previously marked by the conservative, didactic messaging of Dick and Jane stories, [Maurice] Sendak was a breath of fresh air, having written a child protagonist who was as messy and loud and chaotic as he longed to be.”

He would say, “Grown-ups desperately need to feel safe, and then they project onto the kids. But what none of us seem to realize is how smart kids are. They don’t like what we write for them, what we dish up for them, because it’s vapid, so they’ll go for the hard words, they’ll go for the hard concepts, they’ll go for the stuff where they can learn something. Not didactic things, but passionate things.”

“Maurice Sendak has been one of the most consistently inventive and challenging voices in children’s literature,” according to PBS. “His books and productions are among the best-loved imaginative works of their time. Like the Grimm brothers before him, Sendak has created a body of work both entertaining and educational, which will continue to be popular for generations.”

“Roundly praised, intermittently censored and occasionally eaten, Mr. Sendak’s books were essential ingredients of childhood for the generation born after 1960 or thereabouts, and in turn for their children,” wrote Fox.

“Maurice Sendak (1928-2012), regarded as the 20th century’s most important children’s book illustrator, was born in Brooklyn to Polish-Jewish immigrants,” according to nyclgbtsites.

“Where the Wild Things Are” will be celebrating its 60th anniversary this year.

“Sendak, along with literary innovator and legendary editor Ursula Nordstrom, created a book that would become emblematic of the richness and depth of children’s picture books,” wrote Kirichanskaya. “He explored his own past, and mined and reflected upon his own experiences as a queer, Jewish child learning to grow up in the world. Sendak was, himself, the real deal ‘wild thing.’”

The Peace Page has shared stories of Maurice Sendak in past posts. This is a new story focusing on a different chapter of his life with new insights.

The Peace Page focuses on past and present stories—some seldom told, others simply forgotten, still others intentionally ignored. The stories and chapters are gathered from writers, journalists, and historians to share awareness and foster understanding—to bring people together. We thank you for taking the time to be here and helping us share awareness..

~~~~~

“Sendak occupied an ‘outsider’ status in multiple senses of the word,” continues Kirichanskaya. “Whether it was a physical ‘outsidership,’ gazing upon the world outside from his bedroom window while sequestered from illness as a child in his home, or an internal one as the descendent of immigrant Holocaust victims and a gay adolescent in an extremely heteronormative world, Sendak could never quite blend into 20th century America’s idea of ‘normal.’”

“While it is debatable how early Sendak became aware of his own queerness, he understood how his ‘difference’ was perceived by others, saying in an interview, “You know what they all thought of me: sissy Maurice Sendak.”

According to The Advocate, “Sendak told the Times that he never came out to his parents -- something he says he now regrets.”

He said he never told his parents because "All I wanted was to be straight so my parents could be happy," he recalled. "They never, never, never knew."

In a 2011 interview with NPR host Terry Gross, Sendak said "finding out that I was gay when I was older was a shock and a disappointment. I did not want to be gay. It meant a whole different thing to me — which is really hard to recover now because that's many years ago. I always objected to it because there is a part of me that is solid Brooklyn and solid conventional and I know that. I can't escape that. It's my genetic makeup. It's who I am."

Elisabeth Hoffman of the Baltimore Sun wrote, “Why do we pass laws that isolate, demean and shame people for something so utterly personal? It's no surprise that gay teens are bullied. No surprise that Maurice Sendak had to hide part of his identity from his parents — and from his readers.”

Sendak admitted that he also kept quiet about being gay because the idea of a gay man writing children's books might have killed his career when he was in his 20s and 30s, according to nyclgbtsites.”

~~~~~

A 1970 New York Times article described Sendak as a “42-year-old bachelor” and mentions his “friend,” psychoanalyst Eugene Glynn, who was actually his life partner (the couple lived together for 50 years, until Glynn’s death in 2007).”

He didn’t reveal he was gay until 2008 in the New York Times, when he was 80 years old.

“I dream of him constantly,” Sendak said. “I'm always feeling guilty that I didn't do enough for him. I had my success, which was a distraction and disturbance for him. I'd see people meet him and look away indifferently and I'd hate them. I never betrayed him. I wish I had been more demonstrative, but it's not a thing I do very well. Being gay in the old days was hard, being gay later was weird. I very much wished not to be. I came from a regular depressing family. I was brainwashed.”

After his partner's death, Sendak donated $1 million to the Jewish Board of Family and Children's Services in memory of Glynn, who had treated young people there.

In an emotional NPR interview, Sendak said: "I have nothing now but praise for my life. I'm not unhappy. I cry a lot because I miss people. They die and I can't stop them. They leave me and I love them more.”

~~~~~

"His gay identity was something that was not really discussed or he didn't promote, but he didn't hide it. He certainly didn't integrate it into his work, but what I think he did integrate into his work was understanding of diversity and an understanding of difference and an understanding of surviving," said Connie Wolf, the out director of the Iris and B. Gerald Cantor Center for Visual Arts at Stanford.

Kirichanskaya writes:

In “Where the Wild Things Are”, “while Max isn’t explicitly queer in the sense of sexuality or gender exploration, his ‘queerness’ may refer to the older 19th century definition of queer as something ‘strange’ or ‘peculiar.’ As we see in Where the Wild Things Are, Max is considered a stranger to his own family. He is ‘cast out,’ banished to his room for excessive and wild behavior. And like Dorothy Gale from The Wizard of Oz (another icon of children’s media that maintains a significant queer following), Max finds himself in a wonderland that simultaneously terrifies and welcomes. It is in the land of the Wild Things where Max finds the space to experiment, identify, and play. He learns how to be a new version of himself, braver and louder than he was ever allowed to be at ‘home,’ while finding a new sense of self and chosen family—an also inherently queer theme— along the way.

“Golan Y. Moskowitz, literary scholar and author of Wild Visionary: Maurice Sendak in Queer Jewish Context, had this to write about Sendak’s family: “In their inability to express love without eliciting terror, the Wild Things, whom Sendak called ‘foreigners, lost in America, without a language,’ are also like queer people experiencing love and attraction in ‘wrong’ ways, according to a prejudiced society.” In the context of xenophobia, antisemitism, and queerphobia, the different elements of Sendak’s life, the ones he himself regarded with both exasperation and deep love, were demonized, lending further weight to the sense of the ‘other’ encountered in his stories.

“At the heart of Where the Wild Things Are lies Sendak’s heart: a boy like Max who was pulled between worlds, between his old Yiddishist Jewish immigrant heritage and the hostile, homophobic American landscape he was navigating. He embraced those who were considered ‘monsters’ by the outside world, and in them he found his chosen family. He taught an entire generation that ‘wildness’ need not be tamed by the artificial boundaries of society—that children like Max could simply be themselves, wild hearts and all.”

~~~~~

Sendak remembers receiving a letter from one fan:

In an interview with NPR, he is quoted as saying, “A little boy sent me a charming card with a little drawing on it. I loved it. I answer all my children's letters – sometimes very hastily – but this one I lingered over . . . I wrote, 'Dear Jim: I loved your card.' Then I got a letter back from his mother and she said: 'Jim loved your card so much he ate it.' That to me was one of the highest compliments I've ever received . . . He saw it, he loved it, he ate it.”

~ jsr

The Jon S. Randal Peace Page

#Maurice Sendak #Where the Wild Things Are

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loveabledirtbag · 1 year

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1.02 hands

the tense opening! and how the show expertly swaps the chaotic tension of the beef with the sterile tension of carmy’s restaurant in new york. but it amazes me how even on my millionth rewatch of the show, when joel mchale comes in i go “is that joel mchale? no. it can’t be”, why is jeff winger on the bear? and then he does such a scary good job.

the quick cut from the quiet horror of the new york restaurant to the chaos of the beef is beautifully done, and the fact that carmy is making a burrito is so random and fitting and odd. it just works. carmy has swapped out one shitshow for another, and this one is messier, lower quality, and there’s never a quiet moment. it’s just in your face, all the time, nonstop. but THAT is the place carmy has chosen to be. worth noting.

carmy throwing out the french laundry is his first mistake of the episode. he should know better, especially after specifically not doing it last episode, than to throw out his previous jobs and education to richie, tina, or ebra. “well, go fuck your french laundry. stupid fucking name”. “alright, then at noma-“ “oh, and fuck your noma, too”.

but the back and forth conversation of carmy having noma, and the french laundry on his resume, and richie having gone to devry where they’re “serious about success”, and then the ice cream machine breaks and richie is the one to go fix it (but also by grabbing a bunch of spoons and kitchen utensils, and decidedly NOT actual tools) is on point. and without a missed beat sweeps asks “you graduated?” and richie going “fuck no!” *chefs kiss*

but the class dynamic at play in that scene is gorgeous. because both paths have validity and value in the beef. the ice cream machine breaks and carmy can’t fix it with chef skills. but richie has the skills to fix (or at least he can finagle his way to fixing) the machine. it’s lovely.

the slowdown we see with carmy going outside to smoke, before he goes back to cleaning is nice. the first episode is so break-neck, nonstop intense that having this pause is nice. because it would be impossible to keep up with that pace, and even if it was possible, it wouldn’t be enjoyable to watch.

of course the peaceful and slow scene is followed up by carmy sleep-cooking and almost starting a fire in his apartment when he cooks frozen and wrapped food. it just reminds us that even when he’s away from the (chaotic and nonstop) kitchen, and we the audience get a small reprieve, the show reminds us that chaos can return at any moment.

also, in the scene of carmy at home, the quick meal of peanut butter sandwich, chips, and pop, when he works in a place of great food is so real. when i worked in food, after a long day when i’d come home and be absolutely starving, the last thing i would want to do would be make food for myself. ramen, or just a bunch of lunch meat was a regular meal of mine for YEARS.

i have a lot to say about the scene when sydney comes into carmy’s office to show him her multi-paged research project of ideas to help the bear. and i want to be careful and intentional about how i say this because i know the carmy and sydney debate and subsequent fierce support for each of them is strong and i don’t want to needlessly offend anyone.

BUT as someone who has been on both sides of that conversation, as a passionate employee who has a million ideas for how to fix all the problems of the place where i’m working, and as a manager/operator of a business who has a million things on their plate and can’t quite deal with a million more ideas flying at them (even if those ideas are good) i get it. i really get both sides. sydney is not *annoying* for bombarding carmy with this 30-something page packet of data and ideas. and carmy is not a dick for brushing it off and jumping into something else and leaving sydney in the lurch. sydney didn’t have tact with how and when she came to carmy, who is trying to deal with big picture problems, small picture problems, culture, systems, and a million other issues. sometimes as management you just can’t process anymore. but likewise, carmy could have done a better job of telling sydney that he needed time to process and couldn’t engage in that conversation in that moment. the real issue was a lack of communication, and a misunderstanding of how the other operates. which is something that i think is built upon in season two. i’ve seen so many people defend only carmy, or only sydney. but i think both have their faults in this scene.

you could also argue, however, that carmy as the person in charge with the privilege of ownership, should have done more with his power to communicate what he needed. he’s the example setter for the business and didn’t do a good job showcasing what he needed in the moment.

(also, peep the beginning of the season-long storyline arc: to-go orders and the battle of sleeping on making money from to-gos, and the struggle of figuring out how to manage starting a to-go program)

it’s odd that carmy leaves his office (and sydney) because richie calls out to him “yo, carm!” but then when carmy comes out to see what’s happening richie is the one who says “i can handle this myself cousin. i got this.” like…was that a continuity mistake on the editors/directors part? am i missing something? why draw attention to the issue, and then when the person who’s attention you drew gives you their attention you go, “i don’t want your attention”?

“ron’s gone. gone gone.” “ron’s dead!?” is so funny. i don’t understand people who argue this isn’t a comedy.

the actor who plays nancy chore, chicago board health inspector, is a chicago staple. and i always forget her name.

the biggest thing i have experienced in the service industry when it comes to health inspectors is that if you take richie’s attitude towards them: combative, mistrusting, aggravating; they’re going to suspect you have shit to hide. if you take carmy’s attitude: polite, welcoming, say something along the lines of “feel free to look around, ask me anything if you need me” they’re not going to be as suspicious. don’t fuck with health inspectors…they will fuck back.

ebra and tina taking a smoke break but ebra smoking a BIG ASS cigar, is ICONIC. plus the fact he doesn’t say anything as tina complains to him….we need more ebra. he deserves a spin off. he deserves a movie. i’m in love with ebra.

sydney going right back in with talking to carmy is kind of what i’m talking about. sydney isn’t reading the room and trying to be courteous of where carmy is at. they work in a shithole and a health inspector just came in. carmy probably needs to focus on that, and not on your 30-pages of ideas. however, while carmy is a little blunt, i think he does a decent job of telling sydney that what she’s giving him is a lot with everything else he’s dealing with. highlighted by the immediate shouting of richie…again.

is richie being the one to interrupt sydney and carmy’s conversations about fixing up the beef symbolic? maybe? idk. just a thought.

it’s amazing to me (and again, i know chicago is special and a world unto itself) that a restaurant can have a hole in the tile, with a former gas line next to the stovetops not properly dry-walled and caulked, but clogged with napkins, meaning cross contamination, no hot water in the hand station, AND a pack of cigarettes ontop of the stovetops by the burners and it ONLY results in a C grading? damn.

major props to sydney for getting in between carmy and richie as they get in each others face, ready to beat each other up. that’s some chicago badass behavior right there on her part and i think that’s the moment i fell in love with her.

“you cocked it up, you’re gonna caulk it out” is such an ingenious line and i wish i could have been in the writers room when they came up with that one. same with “surge rates, fucko!” the gold standard of lines.

sydney and richie in his car is just, once again, a chefs kiss of a scene. richie telling sydney she has to wiggle the gear shift, sydney asking richie to hold her purse while she gets ready to drive and him dutifully putting it at his feet. but there’s an automatic nature to how richie does it, that while it may have been ebon moss-bachrach just doing it, i really believe it was an acting choice to show that richie definitely had a wife, before we even see the phone call between him and his ex-wife.

the comment about the multiple arby’s cups being from different visits. god, i love it.

BUT THE MOST BEAUTIFUL detail is the song choice that starts up when the car starts: have you seen me lately, by the counting crows. but not just that, but the live acoustic version. this is a deep cut that ABSOLUTELY was not chosen randomly, but was chosen with precision simply because it’s a song you listen to only when in the depths of despair. richie driving to work and listening to that song is a sign of his internal torment like nothing else we see this season.

richie calling carmy “carmine” is odd. since we know carmy is short for carmen. everyone always says carmen. this is the one instance we hear carmine. is carmen short for carmine, and i’m not aware of it? was it a character choice to say carmine in this instance? was it a mistake that was left in? i wanna know.

gotta respect sydney (for a multitude of reasons, as i’ve said and as i’ll continue to say) that while richie is ranting about how angry he is at carmy, and how stupid carmy is, she says “what does that have to do with what we’re doing? we’re trying to fix the wall. which you fucked up before carmy was even at the restaurant.” like trying to use some therapy 101 of “hmmm…what you’re saying has nothing to do with what’s happening. so, you probably have some deeper issues at play here that you should probably address and work through on your own time.”

ope, uncle jimmy cicero coming in hot with a plot twist of mikey owing jimmy 300 grand. but also, the quick comment of jimmy saying that mikey was “an animal”, which comes into play in season two. a lot of thought went into this show, and you can tell with just every second while watching it.

“i should have stopped by to break your legs”…i would just love to know more about uncle jimmy. i mean obviously he is a prime example of “less is more” with storytelling. we know he’s rich, we know he’s older but has a younger wife and kid (who we’ll meet later), and we also know he makes comments and has conversations around giving people jobs under the table. we can fill in the blanks that he has mob connections, or a criminal network, or something along those lines but we never know exactly what it is upfront. we also don’t know what his day job is. and while i always want more, i love that we’re allowed to just sort of wonder. plus, don’t we all have that relative that we grow up and learn more about and go “ohhhhh. that’s suspicious.”

sydney also trying to come in hot with throwing out some of carmy’s accomplishments to richie, who without surprise still doesn’t give a shit. class struggle right here.

ok. so. the phone call richie gets in the car. this is a master class of storytelling. from the writing to the acting, to the way it was shot. we see richie, being driven around to fix a mistake he made out of his own incompetence. he’s being talked down to by people with skill and talent, of which he seemingly has none. he’s being so obstinate and thick and grating on the audience. and then he gets this call and he picks it up and we see his dirt-caked fingernails, and the distinct shine of his golden wedding ring still on his finger. and we see his pain, and his frustration as he talks to his ex-wife, with these absolutely open and innocent and brilliant blue eyes that softens the hard edges we’ve come to know from him. and then we see that softness actually come out as he talks to his daughter with this mix of pain and heartbreak as it’s so clear she’s his favorite thing in the world, but she asks him if he really loves her. you suddenly know exactly what he’s dealing with outside the restaurant; an ex-wife who is poisoning his daughter against him, even though he clearly isn’t the best example of a stable father and you think his ex probably has a point, and that eats him up because he so clearly wants to be a good dad. and in season two we see how much he wanted to be a good dad. but we’ve also seen so many examples of how he’s not the best example for his daughter. and that all of this happens with sydney right next to him (the worst person in the world to be right next to him). plus he caps it off by saying he fucked up by getting the wrong caulk, AND messed up by leaving his cigarettes on the burner! more on that later. but all of it absolutely makes your heart ACHE for richie, and if it doesn’t you’re a monster. it’s because of the time and care for scenes like this with richie that there is a whole subsection of people who are OBSESSED with richie and love him. despite him being sexist and homophobic.

also, richie calling his 5 year old daughters classmates a bunch of “fuck faces” is an example of ruthless and honest parenting that i am coming to understand more and more each day since my son was born. other kids ARE fuck faces, but my kid is fucking incredible.

i love that we see carmy reading syd’s packet. because it shows he does want to read it. he wasn’t dismissing her for his own egotistical desire to fix everything himself. he truly needed to wait for a moment when he could process everything she was saying, and that moment wasn’t the moment sydney came into his office to talk to him unannounced, but it was later on in the day

oh, pete. i feel like every family has a pete. that person who you know treats your family member well, and loves them, and you know they’re basically a good person…but they just don’t click with the vibe of your family. they’re a little bit too square. they’re off. it’s just too easy to make fun of them. it’s so painfully funny, and honest, and UGH the short conversation between pete and carmy on the phone. pete’s doing nothing wrong and you just wanna be like “pete….shhhhhhhhh.”

it does take real acting skill to have a scene where carmy says “i wanted to apologize for last time…” and pete says “no problem! i went to urgent care and they gave me some stuff to put on it.” and without even knowing the specifics or the context you’re left going “yeah, but pete probably deserved it?” pete is that good at being a loveable schmuck.

carmy admitting to natalie that he sleep walked and almost set fire to his apartment is so good at showing that nat has gone to therapy. and that carmy desperately needs to go as well.

nata saying “shut the fuck up” to carmy, and then pete from another room saying “you want me to shut the fuck up?” to which nat responds “not you, sweetie. you didn’t say anything.” is SO GOOD

“i was throwing up everyday before work” “oh. well that sounds chill” “i kinda dug it.” - a low key theme shown throughout the first season that carmy has an unhealthy attachment to his own pain and suffering (more on that as it happens in the show)

the way that the bear could have been just another show of any infinite number of shows about a fucked up protagonist who’s driving narrative could be resolved if the main character just went to therapy, but never does, because instead the bear says “yeah! carmy needs therapy!” this show is so pro therapy, and i’m excited for more of it as the show progresses in future seasons!

AHHHH richie found a note! addressed to carmy! from mikey! i forget that this episode really sets up the rest of the season! the first episode introduces us to the show, but this episode introduces us to the seasons! there are so many points that we’ll keep coming back to as the show progresses.

also, ebon moss-bachrach committing to, and executing near perfectly, the thick inside chicago accent (as illustrated by his “yeah yeah yeah, i’ll be right dere”) is perfect. i know some people say his accent is borderline offensive as a stereotype, like the accents used in fargo was for minnesotans. but much like the accents from fargo, while not everyone in illinois has richie’s accent, SOME people do. and his use of it is 🤌🤌🤌.

so sydney is on the line, calling out orders as ebra repeats the orders back to her while calling her “chef”. this shows that ebra is now getting on board with the new system, as opposed to mikey’s old system. i only wish we would have seen the transition of ebra accepting this new system. or maybe the point is that ebra is go-with-the-flow enough that as long as he gets to work with his beef, he’s happy.

BUT sydney at the front calling out orders is something we see started in the next episode, where carmy has formally implemented a french brigade system in the kitchen and placed sydney as his sou chef. so why is sydney already acting as his sou in this scene? was this scene shot and intended for a future episode and was cut and moved to fill a hole in this episode? once again, am i missing something? it seems like sydney is doing the thing she’s promoted to do in the next episode, in this episode. except that in the same scene carmy says “thank you for taking richie today”, which could only be talking about sydney taking richie to get caulk right?

richie and carmy talking about how jimmy is getting the health department to come back, despite the health inspector saying she can’t legally come back for 30 days, and just chalking it up to jimmy being jimmy. *another chefs kiss*. i want to know more about jimmy but his beauty is his mystery.

it’s really good storytelling that richie sees the cigarettes on the burner and assumes they’re his. and that everyone assumes they’re his. even though richie, carmy, and tina smoke cigarettes. but it can’t be carmy because he’s the professional, young, hot shot, classical and fine dining trained chef. on top of that, we have this whole episode where you could get the vibe that maybe carmy is ignoring sydney’s suggestions because carmy wants to do it himself, he wants to save the restaurant himself. but then we have a scene where carmy is looking at syd’s packet, before nat tells carm that he might need help, and then carmy hires sydney officially at the restaurant, subtly telling her he’s going to implement some of her ideas. because he said he couldn’t afford to hire her for real, but now he can. carmy is admitting to sydney that he needs her help. and right as he admits to us the audience that he needs help, we realize that it was him who left his cigarette on the burner. he was busy cleaning the restaurant by himself, trying to save and care for it by himself, and he absentmindedly put them on the burner and kept on cleaning. so now we, the audience, really know: carmy, most definitely, needs help. because his talent, his skill, his training, and his schooling aren’t enough to save this restaurant. he needs syd’s passion, and he needs richie hobbling things together cheaply. he can’t do it alone.

and realizing that he really, really needs help leads him to look at nat’s text again: where she’s sent him a link to al-anon. the closest thing to therapy he’s gonna get this season.

#the bear #the bear fx #the bear hulu #carmy berzatto #carmen berzatto #tina the bear #the bear series #the bear spoilers #marcus the bear #the bear tv #the bear review #the bear season 1 #richie the bear #the bear richie #carmy the bear #carmy #sydney #sydney the bear #sydney adamu

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