#this has been tag-rambling with kira

[bisexual-cyborg]

So my impressions of ds9 characters so far are as follows:

Benjamin Sisko: he’s fine. i like the man. sometimes when he talks about baseball his eyes light up and it’s adorable but the rest of the time he’s a good captain, but i’m not intrigued

Kira Nerys: look, i am gay and i am weak. i love her so much. she’s hot as fuck and she has a complex moral backstory. she’s affronted by everything. i would die for her

Miles O’Brien: he’s an angel and he’s the only reason this space station hasn’t fallen apart. deeply under appreciated. that is all.

Odo: he’s so grumpy and his lack of patience for any humanoid bullshit is pristine. want to adopt, 10/10, no comments

Jadzia Dax: another one where like, she’s fine. i like her plenty, she’d probably be a delight to work with, but at the moment I feel no strong connection to her as a character. i hope they give her more storylines, or let her at least kiss women she used to love as Curzon Dax. i also wish men would stop being weird to her, i hate that it’s a recurring thing.

Julian Bashir: he’s an asshole, he’s a baby, he’s a brat and i adore him

Quark: i would eviscerate this man on sight. he’s despicable. i hope he’s in every episode

Garak: look he’s only been in one episode so far but he was a delight. absolutely incapable of not acting incredibly suspicious or weird

Jake Sisko: baby. baby boy. same with nog. their friendship has cleared my skin, watered my crops, etc, etc

[thedragonemperess]

DESCENDENTS OCS??????

YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

I already tagged you in another ask about them so I'm gonna use this one to ramble for a little bit about them :333

When I was talking about Oscar, I brought up his relationship with his father(s). And there's a reason for that! Because he only technically has two. I, personally, don't think that the barrier blocks out ALL magic, because in a world where magic is so intrinsically tied into some things' biology, it would be insane cruelty and straight-up mass murder to block out magic, completely. Only people that really pay attention or experience this first-hand are actually aware of it, such as Soren (and the Snow Queen), who is still magically immune to the cold under the barrier, or Dr. Facilier, who has had his Shadow for so long that it's now permanently tied to his being and still has it under the barrier (which I actually included in a fic I wrote about a month back). Oogie Boogie is another character who is held together by almost entirely magic, and as such, wouldn't be able to live without access to it.

So, when the Isle and Auradon both started experiencing a baby boom, Oogie Boogie didn't wanna be left-out.

And he Frankenstein-ed a child using some of his own bugs and fabric, dead body parts, and a bunch of electricity.

With the help of Dr. Facilier.

Making Dr. Facilier his second father.

And Freddy and Celia his half-sisters.

(Oscar did get to grow up alongside other kids, by the way, it was just that every few years his human body parts needed to be replaced.)

In my version of D1 that includes Soren, they blackmail the Core Four into sneaking them into Auradon with them in exchange for not reporting their plan to steal the wand to the people that come to pick them up. The whole time he's Auradon, he's communicating with Uma through a pager that he got Toby to fix for him. Post-D1, Soren talks to Ben about getting some more kids across the barrier sooner rather than later, but he's backs himself into a corner in the process:

Do they vouch for bringing Uma, Harry, and Gil over, do they vouch for bringing Hansen over, or do they vouch for bringing Toby over?

Or, in other words:

Do they vouch for bringing their crew over, do they vouch for bringing their best friend over, or do they vouch for bringing their brother over?

The conversation with Ben happens during the post-Coronation party, after they revealed their identity to save Auradon, and it's the first time they are actually admitting to themselves that they do feel love for people, and that it's something they can't fight, anymore. Furthermore, it's something that they can't continue to lie to themselves about, anymore.

And immediately after coming to this realization, they have to choose between the people that they love the most.

It completely fucks up his view of love for a hot minute, since, when they ultimately choose their crew (because they're the ones he's been in contact with the whole time), he ends up convincing himself it's because he loves his crew more. And he feels so bad about that. It also continues to fuck up his relationship with Gil, because, in his head, Gil should be with someone who loves him above all, and obviously that can't be him, because he prioritized his loyalty to his crew and Uma over the other people he's close to when convincing Ben to bring more people over. He has no idea that he can love people equally while also loving them in different ways, or that there's not necessarily anything wrong with loving someone more than someone else.

In terms of a smaller moment, post-D3, when Hansen comes over to Auradon and starts college, I'd like to imagine that he applies to a school in Arendelle in order to make-up for the trouble his father caused. And, much to his surprise, Anna actually invites him to live in the castle with them while he's in school, because she wants to give him a chance.

(Kira develops the WORST crush on him and Adrien sits and waits to see how long it'll take for her to realize Hansen's gay since she refused to listen to Adrien the first time he tried to tell her.)

In relation to Kira and Adrien, I like to believe that Captain Hook is a good father, so he's actually one of the first OVs to settle down in Auradon post-D3. So, when they find out that Hansen knows a guy (Soren) who works with a guy (Harry) who's Captain Hook's son, they take the first break from school to visit Soren together and track down Captain Hook. They geek out SO HARD, BRO. It catches Hook COMPLETELY off-guard. The first thing he says when they finally shut up long enough for him to get a word in is, "Is this* allowed?"

*Auradonians being huge fans of villains.

Tamara doesn't like Peter Pan. Tinker Bell does not like that Tamara doesn't like Peter Pan. They regularly fight about this.

In that regard, Tamara's relationship with her mother is strained. Tamara is half-human, which is how Tink was able to have a daughter in the first-place, so she feels like her mother doesn't entirely understand what it's like for her in Auradon or Pixie Hollow. (Me? Projecting my identity issues onto my OCs? More likely than you'd think.) Additionally, since fairies (from Neverland) having relationships with humans is a fairly new trend, with kids spawning from those relationships being even newer. Most fairies that do go that route end up leaving behind Pixie Hollow altogether. So Tink doesn't really have any idea what she's doing. And then there's the fact that they're two different types of fairies, so Tink really has no idea how to bond with her. Tink once asked Tami to wear green on family day, since she was under the impression that Tami usually wore purple/red (again, I can't decide between fast flying or fauna) around campus. Tami wears green around campus, though, (which is representative of the fact that she actually does really want to be closer with her mother, she just has no idea how to achieve that, either), and decides that, since Tink had the audacity to ask (Tami had no idea Tink didn't know she wore green around campus), she wore purple/red on purpose. (If she were to wear purple, I'd like to imagine the extra cherry on top would be that she asked to borrow some of Mal's clothes alskdjf. [Within my AU of Regime Change, people that heard and saw their fight on family day think that, surely, things can't get any worse, but then two family days later, she introduces her new boyfriend, Harry Hook alksdjf].)

Of the Tempo Trio (who are definitely a polycule of some kind, by the way), Mimi has the easiest time finding a music following in Auradon. Her more pop-y songs land easy and people who are really dedicated venture into the rest of her music from there. Oscar is in the middle in terms of difficulty, since her folk-punk music intrigues some older people, but overall does so-so at reaching his target audience. Sika has the hardest time since his sound and lyrics are either very harsh to match the Isle or very personally concerning to match his attitude about life. Mimi, when she decides to take a gap year to focus on her music career post-D3, ends up getting them to perform with her from time-to-time, which always ends up helping them grow their following the most.

Soren's title of 'Prince' can't technically be taken away from him once he enters Auradon, because, in my head, it's not technically a real title. It's really more of a human-term that was applied his mother ('Queen,' in her case) to better understand what exactly it was her mother did. Soren would keep the power that came with taking over his mother's role no matter what, so the title is really meaningless. She says this to Audrey at some point in either the Soren-insert version of Wicked World or D2 and Evie just feels so vindicated while Audrey is just so pissed.

I think that's all I've got that I wanna share for now?

Again, I am SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO sorry for responding to this so late. I hope both you and @bassguitarinablackt-shirt enjoyed this!!! ^-^

[olympiansally]

EXCUSE ME??? YOU CAN'T JUST DROP THAT IN THE TAGS??? Im gonna need some Mikami/Beyond food-for-thought ramblings ASAP. Indoctrinate me into this cult, please and thank you <3

I laughed so much when I saw these, I show one inch of unraveling and yall pounce lmao You guys really want me to be the messiah huh? Just want me to let out the crazy! I guess everyone can blame you two for what is about to be unleashed then!! LMAO

Also, @seventhfracture my beloved it is hilarious that you chose to word this like that because one of the main things that plague my brain for Beyond and Mikami is an actual Cult leaders AU so like yes lets start the indoctrination, sure :’)

But alright alright here goes the rambling, because I make no promises of this being super coherent, but!

Beyond and Mikami have the most unhinged ship potential because they are exactly what the other wants, but in the worst way possible. I’m talking toxic levels of encouraging each other’s worst impulses, I’m talking “whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same”, but the thing the souls are made of is arsenic.

To me they are a twisted funhouse lawlight, but worse. Except, being worse is what lets them actually make it work because their thing isn’t competing, it’s encouraging.

Lawlight is all about I’m the only one who can stop them, I’m the only one who can keep up while Beyond and Mikami would be something more yes, yes kill them all, burn everything to the ground baby.

I will admit that I first started thinking about them in the silliest way. My brain just connected the dots between Beyond Birthday “I have never even been submissive to a traffic signal” and Teru Mikami “Kira’s most obediently submissive little worshiper” Mikami and I was was like oh, oh they would fuck so nasty!

And tbh I haven’t been able to stop thinking about them ever since lmao

And then, the more I though about it, the more I realized the dynamic between them would also be all kinds of interesting in ways other than just the kinky sex - which tbh, already makes the ship quite compelling in my book lmao. But the contrast in their personalities! The way they can give each other exactly what they want, but fully ruin one another in the process!!

To put it simply, Beyond has always wanted to be special and Mikami wants someone to worship. Now put them together? Nasty horrible codependence :’)

Growing up the way he did - Wammy’s, L, being the backup - Beyond has always been second best, has always craved being seen and valued. He has an arrogant sort of confidence that is a clear front for his feelings of not being good enough, not being worthy. And yet, he is the most unhinged, the most fearless, the most willing to do whatever it takes to get what he wants - even in the midst of so many ruthless death note characters.

Similarly, Mikami doesn’t fear societal judgement. He thinks everyone else is wrong and he is the only wholesome righteous person alive, he thrives in not quite belonging because it allows him to twist himself into a “good man” martyr in his own mind - so much so that seeing someone acting in accordance to his own beliefs made him immediately assume that must be a God, because if he is heaven’s most perfect little angel, then whoever agrees with him while having more power to act on it must be a God. And yet! Mikami is just desperate to belong to someone, to make someone happy and in doing so, become someone valuable.

In a way, it’s all about their individual abandonment issues and lack of belonging and the way those experiences shaped them into people who find a wicked sort of comfort in their otherness.

In a way, that’s just like lawlight - except L and Light try to be justice, they try to do some good. But Beyond and Mikami don’t really care about what anyone’s perception of “good” is. Beyond doesn’t much care for good, unless it’s defined by someone he’s trying to impress and Mikami doesn’t think anyone but him truly understands what’s good (until of course he meets Light, but that’s not where we’re going with this). And that? The matching disregard for societal morality combined with the potential for codependency? It makes them a perfect template for absolutely deranged villains if ever put together!

And yes, Mikami’s whole strict orderly and organized way to go about things would probably clash with Beyond’s messier impulses at first. But that’s where their contrast becomes most interesting, because who better than crazy crazy Beyond Birthday to unravel Mikami’s uptightness? Who better to guide him into letting go? And Beyond’s single minded type of fearless focus given direction? Put under the guidance of Mikami’s certainty of a higher purpose? Beyond could take the shape of a chaotic vengeful God in Mikami’s eyes - as cruel and punishing as Mikami always dreamed consequences should be.

Meanwhile, Beyond - always second best to L, never good enough growing up, Backup - would revel in the worship, in being valued and it would likely push him to lean further into the whole thing - kill more, punish more, make it crueler. Not because that was his initial intention, but because he was raised to follow the instructions of someone he was meant to please and well, if falling in love means that person becomes Mikami rather than Watari, then too bad for the “criminals” of the world.

I think the fact that they feed each other’s desperation could be so… feral? I mean, Mikami is shown to thrive on scraps of affection - again, see Light - and Beyond has the potential for the type of cruelty - a byproduct of growing up at Wammy’s that L also displays, see Misa being tortured for example - that would make Mikami elevate him into the highest of pedestals, make him into that fearless God delivering divine punishment. He doesn’t share any of Light’s restraints due to trying to follow his dad’s moral code. Mikami is shown in canon to be even less forgiven than Light towards criminals, Beyond is supposed to be even less concerned about the greater good than L. Together? An absolute reign of terror! And the worship? The devotion?? That would probably be addictive to Beyond’s attention starved crazy, which means he’d lean into it and probably start performing right into Mikami’s belief system in order to reaffirm his godhood.

In a way, it’d be a vicious cycle of starved for affection, their very own lovesick ouroboros: Beyond delivers the punishing wrath Mikami has always hoped for and the fact that it’s being delivered by his own personal God reaffirms to Mikami that he is righteous, that he is special. The more Beyond confirms Mikami’s beliefs, the more Mikami is willing to worship, which in turn confirms to Beyond that he is doing the right thing and therefore should keep doing it, which makes Mikami love him more and so on and so forth.

If Mikami wants him to kill then it’s the right thing to do, if Beyond kills then it’s the right thing for Mikami to want - a never ending cycle. It’s the opposing force to lawlight’s combative friction, a downwards spiral in which the more they do, the more they are encouraged to do.

Anyway! I’m gonna cut myself off here before I get too carried away because once I get really started about them there’s so much lmao

But I will say that my favorite way to ponder their dynamic is as a twisted reflection of lawlight. I fully believe Beyond-wannabe-L-Birthday and Teru-wannabe-Light-Mikami would have thrown out the yearning immediately upon meeting and jumped straight into horribly entertaining codependency. My absolute favorite though? Lawlight investigating the shinigami eyed boyfriends. I mean the fun mirror versions interacting with each other while the twisted relationships unfold? Idk man drives me insane tbh

So yeah! This feels like more than enough for now, even though yes I could probably talk about them forever lmao

Thank you for indulging me my beloveds, it was fun :)

[ruinsoftime]

I've finally finished Gundam Seed and Destiny. My body is more than ready for the movie on Thursday.

It has been years since a series brought me that much frustration, worrying about who lives, who dies and what gets destroyed.

Ramblings ahead:

Shinn is an ass smh the boy only has one neuron and it's dead. I like Flay way more than him.

I liked Athrun (not because of his red suit), we both try to convince assholes with no avail. And he has bad taste, too... Cagalli? Really?

Kira is on another league. Great character development. Went from "meh emo guy" to "Jesus, please save us all".

Lacus is a great girl but she's too dangerous for the plot so only appears to slap everyone and then flies away.

Lunamaria WTF I shipped her with Athrun but my man is a cool guy with well defined priorities regarding romance. Shinn, really? During the OG airing the VAs weren't married yet.

Cagalli development made no sense until it did. It was good. It was very obvious she didn't know a damn about politics.

The whole Mu thing was painful to watch.

I was planning to watch all Gundam in release order, so, I come from Z to SEED. Oh man the difference in narrative and character behaviour is so so so so great. There's less (keyword) chauvinism. People doesn't get punched at the slightest show of trauma (they punch walls instead), they're punched when they're being morons. A girl finally piloted a Gundam. Women hold positions of power (not enough power, still limited with some retarded decisions for the plot and to stay in house taking care of children). And no one said: "you can't pilot a Gundam because you're a girl". I know it's around 30 years of difference between shows. Life was hard back then.

Definitely, SEED is way more darker and has more plot twists and surprises than DESTINY, but I enjoyed both greatly. I want to surf through the gundam seed tag but I know the movie is already available to watch so I don't want to get spoiled lol

[fictionkinfessions]

Once again, been a while since I commented here but I did wanna share some things with the blog since a few things have happened kin wise.

I'm not gonna go tooooo deep into personal history (the things I'll be confessing here are just the tip of the very deep iceberg) but like. if my friends or people who know me don't already know that this is my tag, it'll be a dead giveaway H

This will be a bit of a ramble but maybe it'll give someone some sort of insight maybe???

A while ago, I kinfirmed Josuke Higashikata from JJBA. Doesn't sound like a big deal at all. Just another, "woohoo! Another to add to the list of lives I've cycled through, I suppose." But in this life it was... rough to accept at first. Lemme explain.

For years it was hard to accept that I may be that flamboyant zesty 90s kid (which is REALLY funny said out of context) due to some bad experience with someone I used to be friends with. We were in a JJBA roleplay together that me and another friend (that I'm still friends with) ran. I played Josuke, they played Kira. Said roleplay fucked me up bad, to say the least.

From that point on after the whole ordeal, I didn't even want to think about kinning Josuke. I think it's because in my mind at the time, that roleplay Josuke that I played was the one I was gonna be, and I didn't want that as my canon. Oh, god, I wanted nothing to do with it. I was so scared of becoming the woobified version of me that this 14 year old roleplayed as that I was essentially blinded by my own bias against me.

Mainly, I was scared of it because what I saw and felt was accurate to things I didn't know were details from my canon were projected onto the characterization. This further pushed the idea that if I somehow kinfirmed Higashikata, then I must be the one I roleplayed as (not true at all).

Some of the things included: I was a lot more caring than canon is, I remember I got a job as a hair stylist, etc etc. It's only natural when you end up a character you roleplayed as has the shit you headcanoned revealing itself to be parts of what you used to be. It's projection. Again, I was so blinded and scared that I was gonna be that woobified uwu pastel one that I played as 14 and didn't even stop to think that maybe, just maybe, I could think about the feelings I had about certain people and events and realize.... whatever angst shitstorm that happened in that roleplay was purely fictional, and that my canon is my own and not what me and some other people made up on the spot as an angst fest.

I harbored this distain for years because I couldn't NOT associate JJBA with that roleplay until one of my friends started to get into it. It was at first to me, "Oh, okay, cool. People can like what they like :] /gen"

And then one of my other friends kinfirmed YOSHIKAGE KIRA. shit was absolutely shocking because one of the main reasons I was so turned away from part 4 was because in aforementioned roleplay, the person who played Kira and was absolutely toxic to me. The weird ass interactions between rp Josuke and rp Kira had like fucked me up pretty bad and as a result I couldn't see Kira the same way for years.

Again, all up until my friend kinfirmed the man and, while not of my canon (unsure what they did in theirs) it clicked that. I NEED to let go of that and see things in a different light. That's my actual friend, a real person, and not some weirdo that another 14 year old roleplayed as and essentially woobified the shit out of. Real ass person, not the same. I needed to drop the grudges.

This is what also made me start to accept--not realize, I'm pretty sure I knew for a long time--that I was Josuke, specifically part 4 Josuke. Everything clicked so hard, for years all the complaints and headcanons I had made so much sense because it WAS me. That abhorred rat episode? Didn't react like that at all. I tried to help those people (and failed). The fact I was so turned away from the 'Josuke becomes a cop' headcanon that I used to see all the time back in like 2019/2020 or something? It was because I didn't become a cop at all! Josuke was like, in essence, my first kin before I even knew what kinning was.

It feels more at peace to leave the trauma behind and instead holding onto it and despising a media that didn't really wrong me itself, but instead the people I used to know back in the day. Leaving it behind and accepting it leads me to new discoveries on all ends, like the fact that the memories I have as Josuke are as vivid as the ones I have as Klavier Gavin. Or, the fact that Josuke feels like a super close kin...

Maybe because for some reason I like to kin really zesty motherfuckers such as Mettaton, Klavier Gavin, and Josuke Higashikata... Fits right in with my kintype flawlessly.

Anyways, I share this all not only to kinfess but to say that, hey if you read it all the way down here... Hi :] I genuinely hope that, if something similar has happened, you're turned away from a character or a media you used to enjoy because of someone... It's okay. Let yourself recover, and don't be afraid if you feel it may be you. It probably is. And if so, whatever headcanons or complete characterization you used to have isn't what your canon's going to 'turn into' when you kinfirm. You are complex and you are your own person. You can't get it all right, especially when you didn't know it was you. Give it another shot, and like I said, take your time to recover. Have a great day!!

(sorry for any bad grammar or misspellings I may not have caught)

-#🕹️👾🎸

🐸

[distantpagesandpapercuts]

GET TO KNOW THE MUN

NAME?: Leah

PRONOUNS?: She/Her (They is also accepted)

PREFERENCE OF COMMUNICATION?: Discord is easiest for me cause I can get the notifications on my phone. (It makes noise so I like HAVE to check it.) Whereas there's days or even weeks I don't check Tumblr. SO- discord is best.)

MOST ACTIVE MUSE(S)?: I only have two. Cicero is usually the most active because he gets more interaction. But I like writing on both and do so as often as my depression addled brain will let me.

EXPERIENCE / HOW MANY YEARS?: Uhhh.... Well, over ten. Maybe... 13 years? 14 Maybe?

BEST EXPERIENCE?: I've made friends and lost friends and seen comebacks and such. But really I just enjoy consuming your guys' stuff. I read your stuff and alot of you do arts in some way or another about things I like so really it's good for me all around even if I'm not interacting with you at the time. I really do enjoy writing stories with you guys though. I wouldn't say I have one single best experience though. (Such a cop out answer I know)

RP PET PEEVES?: I dunno man. Maybe like... people who take themselves and writing silly little mind thoughts too seriously? I do this for fun, yannow? Its not my life. Idk something like that. It's not like I don't like people who are serious about their writing, it's more like having unrealistic expectations and standards pushed on me to fit into your narrative that I didn't ask for. (Or rather, pushing my MUSES into narratives that I didn't ask for. Like.... in a bullying sense. If that makes sense?)

I've been bullied and shamed and lied to in rp communities before. And I'm just like... over that kind of stuff. I just come here to write my little stories with my little online friends and that's as much as it is gonna be. Yannow?

FLUFF, ANGST, OR SMUT?: I love more serious things like angst. But I also like a bit of soft too. I like writing smut, but sometimes it takes me awhile to work up to it because like.... I don't wanna embarrass myself? lmao

PLOTS OR MEMES?: I like both! Memes are easier to just wash your hands of. But also they're great starters and ways to get to know each other more often than not! I'm honestly terrible at plotting cause I'm such a people pleaser. But- I'm more than happy to talk things out with others and see where it goes.

LONG OR SHORT REPLIES?: Both are fine I have no preference. Although I must say I have a tendency to ramble and multi-para even without meaning to. Cicero's got a lot going on in his head specifically and if I don't write it all out I feel like you're missing out on the experience, ya dig? So like... I LIKE writing both. But do I typically write one liners? Absolutely not.

TIME TO WRITE?: Really late at night or early in the morning. (Every so often the afternoon but that's usually when I'm napping. My sleep schedule is shitty cause of my job.)

ARE YOU LIKE YOUR MUSE(S)?: There's some of me in both Cicero and Kira in different ways. They've also defs evolved over the years. Straying from what I intended and such. But I'm not displeased about it. I wouldn't say either are self insert-y though. Cicero is way more confident than I am and Kira is much more hardworking than I am ha ha.

Tagged by: @archerwhiterp

Tagging: Whoever would like to! :)

[mieaou]

why his wobbly smile like that??

[warriorsbutnotreally]

New Intro [for now]

Welcome to WarriorsButNotReally!

This is a fandom-centric blog and the more talkative counterpart to @allofthesecatsaregay , which contains all of my personal designs for the canon characters [and what I use when basing hypokits off of]

My name is Killian but I go by Kira/Kyra as well, due to it being a name I've been using for many years name. I'm a nonbinary trans man and I use he/they/fae pronouns. I'm also aroace.

You can find my main blog at @kyraamongtheshadows though I just mostly reblog things and very rarely post art..

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My blog is not a safe place for pr*shippers/c0mshippers, MAPs / p*dophiles, TERFs, racists, LGBT-phobes, sexists, or ableists.

I'm also not comfortable with the shipping of real people or the romanization of violent criminals.

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///What Can You Find Here?///

I have many topics that can be found through my various tags;

#AU - ranging from submitted ideas to me just rambling until a cohesive thought comes out, I can talk about all things warriors. I love talking about AUs and sharing ideas and helping inspire others with their own wonderful ideas - that's what this blog was made for after all!

#Discussions - more disorganized thoughts, though on more certain and specific topics. Ranging from serious to silly to even world building information [from my own headcanons]. Some are more rant-style and those contain information backing up on what has formed my opinion on certain topics.

#Hypos - though the most popular option is to send in ships people would like to see pairs of [which, don't get me wrong, I love doing] there is also the option for AU versions of certain cats [ie what if The Three were born to different parents] AND giving canon couples an extra litter! This also includes possible stories

* [more information about these below]

#Show Me! - want me to draw characters mentioned in AUs? just tell me who and I’ll draw em! This includes canon characters who I give different fates and not just kits that are given to couples.

#Help! - For any OC help! Need help thinking about names? Not sure about your OC? Need some appearances that fit names you like? Feel free to ask! I’m no expert, obviously, but I love designing and naming so I’m happy to be of assistance!

#Rate My OC! - Another fun OC one - give me your OC and their information and I’ll give my feelings! I’m not going to be scary or harsh, but rather just talk about things I like about the charater[s].

However! If you wish for actual critique, please be sure to state so. Otherwise it’ll be of the same energy of that cute dog twitter that rates dogs but with OC battle cats.

#Headcanons - I talk about my headcanons for characters and show some obvious favoritism to certain cats because they're comforting to me dfskaj

#Prefix - Detailed Prefix Talk, where I give information on my personal headcanoned prefixes that I use in this blog and in my own written Warriors works.

#Suffix - Detailed Suffix Talk, coming soon

#Writing Help - these are purely reblogs of random cat information, ranging from a little silly to serious. I try to keep any information in the tags of these posts, so feel free to keep an eye out!

#Becoming Warriors- just a more goofy thing because I wanted something that could help me relax. Pretty much a Warriors AU for other fandoms where I design other characters to be meow meows.

#Meowsic - where I share my own music to character ideas because I can and they're often empty headed rambles or short sentences

[also feel free to suggest posts! please only send the original posts, so not to repost from the original creators]

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other than that, you can expect just me chatting

I'm willing to share thoughts, talk about opinions, and I try to give a chill, open environment where we can just talk and hang out, sharing things we like or dislike about this fandom we all share.

I will always try my best to be open with everyone and treat people with kindness, but this is subject to change.

HOWEVER, I do not allow hostility and I will shut down anyone who comes in with a close mind and bitterness. I want this blog to be a safe place for people of all ages who just want to relax and share their feelings.

tldr; this is a chill place. everyone is free to disagree with my feelings about things, just don't be an asshole about it

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Family Tree For My Writing

note; this is only for canon-adjacent writing and may change depending on the AU

I will allow hypokits using my version of the family tree! however, you'll need to specify you want to use it.

this will also be a note for when I post the #request notifs

my RunningRunning AU has an entirely different family tree

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///AUs///

a compiled list of the AUs I've done can be found here

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///Headcanons///

all finished headcanons can be found here

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///More On Hypos///

With the blog getting bigger, I did want to add more information here, as this is the most popular topic of my blog other than the AUs themselves and as such I wanted to add some disclaimers and additional information.

Firstly, I do allow repeat couples! I don't mind making more litters, giving different stories, etc! So if you see a ship I've done and wanted a new take with different kits, feel free to suggest away! [you can even suggest some predetermined plot as long as it doesn't need to become a full AU]

the kits created via hypos are free to use with credit. they aren't my own OCs and more 'free to use' characters

However, there is a blacklist on certain ships, due to my own personal comfort levels. I will not be explaining them on here and the list is subject to being updated at any time. The blacklist will be shown below with other information;

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///Pre-existing Hypos///

all pre-existing hypos can be found here

///Did Once But Never Again///

Crowfeather x Harestar; x [forgot that Harespring was Breezepelt's age until I looked at his wiki page long after this was finished]

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I also have a Blacklist, so please check that out

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///Extra Hypo Notes///

I won't accept ships of;

Scourge [romance-repulsed aro-ace headcanon and shipping him gives me negative vibes for reasons I cannot explain]

Mousefur [another aro-ace headcanon but where I can put her in queer platonic relationships, I don't like the idea of giving her kits]

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I'm highly careful of ships for;

Fidgetflake, Daisy, Nightheart, Hollyleaf, Ravenpaw, Puddleshine, Sneezecloud, Badgerfang [in living AUs], Mosskit [in living AUs], Tallstar, Frecklewish [MV], Sunbeam, Lightleap, Bugeater

these are comfort characters for me

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///Disclaimer///

I'm free to remove requests that I have no ideas for / that I don't personally like without needing to explain myself

For the most part I've only needed to remove a small handful of things due to the latter reason, but the former is much more common

I'm also a slow writer with a fulltime job, so trying to stay active can be a bit hard, but I am constantly working on a bare minimum of two projects at a time in hopes that it increases the chances I can get things posted.

I ask that you don't post art/writing alongside that of Fullphilling's. This is for hugely personal reasons, esp since I've noticed their name spreading through the community again.

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AUs take the longest, followed by Hypos as both require a lot of planning.

Discussions just kinda happen at random when I think about things.

Show Me!'s aren't common, but don't take as long as I'm showing off pre-existing written things.

Help! and Rate My OC! vary depending on the amount of details given.

Headcanons happen at random unless requested

Prefixes [and eventually suffixes] get done whenever I put aside the time and are usually done in small bulks

[christinesficrecs]

Hi! i found your Derek leaves tag, do you have its sister? and by that I mean the Derek returns tag? or are both type of fics on the derek leaves tag?

Hey! There is a tag for both but they do overlap a bit, derek leaves and comes back. 

Rumour Has It by WhoNatural | 12.9K

Now rumour has it she ain't got your love anymore.

Captain’s Log: I am Sly as a Fox by isthatbloodonhisshirt (wasterella) | 42.5K

Derek wandered into the store with him, some of the cashiers cooing at Stiles because, yes, yes, he was very cute, thank you. He was getting more attention as a fox than he’d ever gotten as a human.

Figures.

He just pouted while being carried through the store, one of the girls helping Derek with what he needed and bringing it all to the cash register for him since he seemed reluctant to loosen his grip on Stiles. He probably didn’t want him wiggling free and wreaking havoc across the store.

He was pretty destructive, he’d admit that.

Every stumble and each misfire by everchanginginks | 14K | Mature

Stiles hasn't seen or heard from Derek in ten years. It's a bit of a surprise to find out about Derek's return to Beacon Hills through Tinder.

Thirty Messages by Julibean19 | 16.3K

In which Derek leaves town with Cora, and Stiles thinks he might be going insane... because no one would leave this many rambling voicemails for someone they weren't even dating... right?

You Have Reached... by isthatbloodonhisshirt (wasterella) | 5K

“Why did you listen to the voicemails?”

“I like hearing you talk,” Derek said.

There were many things Stiles had been expecting after asking that question. That answer hadn’t been one of them.

one by one, we come home by ericaismeg | 15.3K

Six years ago, Scott kicked Derek out of the pack for a stupid reason. Derek's had six years to make his peace with it, but after he bumps into Kira at the grocery store, his quiet life isn't the same.

Sense of Home by siny | 53K | Explicit

Home can be a place, but it can also be a person.

After the events with the Nemeton, Stiles starts suffering the consequences of their sacrifice. A journey he attempts to make on his own, but only becomes worse with every step he takes. In the process he seeks comfort in an unexpected place and it draws him toward an unexpected person.

[kiranatrix]

I feel like the nature of Light’s ideology and his methods get caricatured a great deal in the fandom (especially by those who only viewed the anime). I keep seeing popular memes about Light killing petty shoplifters who are only attempting to feed their family and I always get the sense that they’re largely inaccurate (for the most part). Light notices in the Yotsuba arc that Kira’s sentencing spares those: who’ve served their sentences and improved their ways, who committed justifiable crimes, and who have shown remorse. So it feels off to seeing portrayed that way, especially when Light’s elimination of innocents (such as the FBI agents, Naomi, etc...) are usually for strategic purposes, intended to help him progress ahead. Not to mention this pervasive belief that Light apparently didn’t know that he would be bound to sentence some innocents to death (with his large kill count per day). Wouldn’t it be more likely that Light knew that it was inevitable and was willing to sacrifice those lives for “the greater good,” in his view?

This is a doozy of an ask, anon. But it is GLORY bc these are all excellent things for me to ramble about Light (thank you!). I’ll take them point by point, strap in cause this is a bit long. *cracks knuckles*

You’re absolutely right that fandom often boils Light’s character and ideology down to a few basic elements that are distorted, mostly to drag him. Let’s be honest-- it’s fun to drag characters, even our favs-- and pretty much everyone in Death Note deserves it. But it does become annoying when its inaccurate, like with your example about who Kira focused on killing and some others I see. To be clear, this isn’t any kind of apology for the bastardly things Light DID do, but clarifying what he was and wasn’t about.

Did Light kill petty criminals?

The only time it is mentioned that Light kills criminals for non-serious crimes is when he was under surveillance by L (the infamous potato chip scene) and had to kill someone on the news right then, as well as the immediate coverup. In that circumstance, he couldn’t afford to be picky-- he needed L to see a signature Kira death (heart attack) when Light supposedly couldn’t be doing it. The crimes that appeared on the news that night (in his chip bag TV lol) ended up being non-serious criminals, and Light wasn’t so thrilled about this. 

Mainly because it meant he had to cover his tracks and kill a few more minor criminals so it really did look like Kira’s work. 

But his focus was putting himself in the clear with L; those minor criminals were incidental, and when he had choice/freedom again, he did not focus on them. The ruse didn’t completely work because L thought minor criminals dying was suspicious since it deviated from Kira’s usual MO. So, L knew the real focus.

This was a strategic move in service of, versus reflecting, Light’s ideology. This is something we see pop up again and again for Light. He is willing to do ‘wrong’ for the greater ‘good.’ We also see his distaste for killing petty criminals later when Light rebukes Mikami’s off-script killings in his thoughts. If Kira had been acting this way all along, then the Task Force wouldn’t have been surprised and Light wouldn’t have been pissed off that Mikami was doing it. 

Kira was looking for violent criminals who had escaped justice, that’s his main goal. He’s also disagreeing with Mikami’s methods of punishing wrong-doers who paid their debt to society (as opposed to the Death Row criminals I discuss below who haven’t ‘paid their debt’ yet). He doesn’t want people to fear Kira and thinks shooting fish in a barrel, so to speak, would do that. His ideology is not punitive; to him, its about prevention. Petty crime wasn’t on his radar until he had to make that a temporary focus for his safety.

Did Light focus on criminals already in prison? 

I’ve seen plenty of posts in the Death Note tag grousing about how Light was ‘dumb’ because he only focused on criminals in prison, but that’s not wholly accurate. The first two names he wrote were criminals he witnessed in the process of a crime with actual victims that needed help (a hostage scenario where the perp had already murdered people, and a man about to rape). Then he went for the Big Bads in the news- the most vicious criminals world-wide.

Other than criminals at large, he DID kill some criminals in prison. The times he did so were:

1) Killing criminals on Death Row who, in the eyes of law enforcement, “deserved the death penalty several times over.” These are criminals who had already been sentenced to die and Kira enacted the ‘justice.’

2) During Light’s ‘testing phase’ of the Death Note when he was trying to understand the rules in a population he could control 

3) When he was trying to be conspicuous about deaths for L’s benefit, like throwing off the assumption that Kira was a student. Light knew that those deaths would be found immediately and attributed to Kira. 

For 2 and 3, these criminals were likely to be on Death Row given what was said by INTERPOL about who Kira was killing behind bars. Ironically, even L thought Death Row criminals needed to die-- he chose Lind L Tailor from Death Row for his stunt, and said on TV he’d seek the death penalty for Kira. Hmm.

Why did Light kill innocent people?

The innocent people that Light killed include Raye Penber, the rest of the FBI agents in Japan investigating Kira, and Naomi Misora. L and Watari might be considered innocent per Kira’s ideology (Watari had probably murdered people but L had probably not, directly). Rem technically killed L and Watari, but Light certainly wanted them to die and orchestrated it that way. The innocent people that Light WOULD have killed include the Task Force (Mogi, Aizawa, Matsuda, Ide) and the SPK (Halle, Gevanni, Rester, Near,) if he’d won in the warehouse.

The main thread tying all these people together? They were all imminent threats to Light and were actively trying to stop and/or kill him. Killing them would never have crossed his mind if that hadn’t been the case. THAT DOESN’T MEAN HE DIDN’T ENJOY IT. Taking out his enemies was something Light did savor, he really loved that win. But it wasn’t like he wiped out the entire FBI or Japanese police force. Those were not his targets; these were individuals who threatened his goal and life, and he saw their killing as self-defense. 

Did Light kill any criminals who were innocent or wrongly convicted?

It’s certainly possible that he did but the manga never touches on it. Given that his MO for killing incarcerated criminals was limited to Death Row, he probably felt like those were safe bets (we know that’s not always the case in the real world, of course). But let’s say that Light, in canon, found out he’d killed someone wrongfully convicted. In the beginning of his journey as Kira (at 17-18), I honestly don’t think he’d given this a lot of thought. What’s funny is that Light was naively, and paradoxically, putting a lot of faith in the human justice system while simultaneously enacting his own justice that relied on having zero faith in the traditional channels. Makes my head spin, but Light is a fascinating character because of that kind of thinking. He championed sweeping ideals of right and wrong, but couldn’t be bothered with getting in the murky details. 

But by the time he’d grown up and matured some, especially after becoming part of the police force himself, he would have know it was a possibility. At that point, I agree that he’d view it as an inevitable sacrifice in service of, but not directly reflecting, his ‘greater good,’ like the previous choices he’d made. 

So why is Kira’s ideology so often distorted? For one thing, his thinking is kind of convoluted. The anime has less nuance about what Light’s about, and many people just watch that. Another common reason I see for this is that someone really, really hates Light for defeating L, and once we dislike someone it becomes easier to roll in more and more unlikeable qualities into a nasty villain pie. Any trait that is ‘bad’ can be overlaid onto Light because he is ‘bad,’ so it fits right?? Ha....no. He has plenty of bad traits and actions of his own to drag him for without inventing new ones. At the same time, I see L’s flaws and negative traits/actions being hand-waved away or justified because he is their fav. It happened with Minoru, too. 

[kyber-heart]

I posted 1,275 times in 2021

344 posts created (27%)

931 posts reblogged (73%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 2.7 posts.

I added 838 tags in 2021

#queue or queue not there is no try - 278 posts

#swtor oc - 130 posts

#anto's ramblings - 122 posts

#anto plays: star wars the old republic - 105 posts

#ask game answers - 46 posts

#raven of domain kwaad - 35 posts

#oc: aidrien keyett - 34 posts

#oc: jost colton - 31 posts

#swtor ocs - 29 posts

#the kyberheart legacy - 28 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#it is also worth mentioning that lightsaber crystals in the eu lore can be found all over the galaxy and that kyber and adegan are just two

My Top Posts in 2021

#5

I blame @the-raven-of-highever and @itstheelvenjedi for enabling this. 

I’m kidding, but she does look great.

21 notes • Posted 2021-03-24 17:20:06 GMT

#4

I have to say that for sheer world building alone, Alderaan is my favourite planet in SWTOR. Like the politics of all the noble houses is so interesting to me. I wish more planets had such an in-depth planetary story.

22 notes • Posted 2021-01-16 23:47:50 GMT

#3

Lightsabers for Hire

- Anthony G [Kyberheart]

Hey everyone! This is the first piece of writing I’m publicly sharing here! All comments and criticism are not only welcomed but appreciated! This fic can also be found on AO3, the link to which can be found here: [Link]

From: Hylo Visz

To: Aidrien Keyett

Subject: Need to talk.

Hey Commander. 

Got a new lead for ya’. I think you’ll be personally interested in this one! Meet me in the cantina at thirteen-hundred hours, we’ll talk more about it.

Hylo

The message was short, sweet, and accurate to Hylo’s assessment, intriguing. The vagueness of her message, and her emphasis on finding it ‘personally’ interesting, had made it so to Alliance Commander, Aidrien Keyett.

(link to full original post ⬇)

22 notes • Posted 2021-01-11 16:48:06 GMT

#2

This amazing piece of my OCs Aidrien Keyett and Jost Colton with Kira Carsen was done by @palepinkycat whom I commissioned and I could not be happier!!! It looks so cool, I'm amazed! Thank you for this!

26 notes • Posted 2021-09-06 16:37:39 GMT

#1

Anyway on a lighter note. I've been thinking about variety of looks for characters. Specifically Jedi and Sith.

I love having a variety of weapon options for my Force Users and BioWare has (in my opinion) provided a good amount of options from standard single blades, double-bladed lightsabers, lightsaber shotos, cross-guard lightsabers, curved hilt lightsabers, unstable blade lightsabers, and more recently, lightsaber pikes. While I absolutely would love even more of these (especially shotos, pikes, and curved-hilts) I wonder what they could add next.

So, here are some personal hopes for future lightsaber styles.

1. GUARD SHOTO/LIGHTSABER TONFA

Anyone who has played Star Wars: The Force Unleashed may remember this design as made famous by Maris Brood, Shaak Ti's fallen padawan. While not too different from a typical Lightsaber, I think they bring an interesting design that would look great for Sentinels and Marauders. Since they would have to be usable with existing animations, I figure they would have to be displayed facing forward rather than running parallel to the forearm but I still think it would look neat regardless. There is also the potential issue of them looking awkward in cutscenes or when using certain abilities like Riposte or Gore (horizontal stabbing motions).

(link to full original post ⬇)

39 notes • Posted 2021-02-02 00:41:05 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

[a-lil-bi-furious]

6, 10 and 15 please :)

as you wish! thank you for asking🥰

6) What character do you have the most fun writing?

So far, I think writing Kira has been the most fun! The kitsune stuff is fun to explore and Kira in general is delightful

10) How would you describe your writing process?

chaotic and ineffective? 😂 A lot of writing for me is just...seeing where it goes. Generally I start with an idea and ramble about it a bit in a word doc. Then, I struggle to actually write it (my secret is at any point in time 25% or more of my word count is the same sentence or section copy/pasted somewhere else with minor changes. sometimes no changes. there is no reason for this).  I’m not very structured with my writing, but I am working to be better about that and have started outlining more! I tend to have serious keyboard paralysis, so most of my drafting process happens on paper where I can actually get myself to free write. After that, I type up the written words, work on filling in the blanks/connective pieces, and edit. Somewhere in there is at least one doom spiral and probably some crying

15) Which is harder: titles or summaries (or tags)?

tags my not beloved 😠 I mean, all three are hard, but usually titles I can find a song lyric and summaries I can just pluck a little section of the story to feature. But tags...there’s no easy way out. The pressure is on. It’s all on me. Stresses me out 

(Ask me writing questions!)

[recurring-polynya]

Apparently, today (Aug 21) is Fanfic Writer’s Appreciation Day? I didn’t know it was a thing, but I love talking about fanfiction, so here is a rambling, off-the-top of my head list of some of my very very favorite Bleach fanfictions.  If any of these people are on Tumblr and I’ve missed them, please feel free to let me know so I can tag them.

(I previously made a list of my fav longform fanfics, and I’m not gonna repeat, so if you want a Large Boi, may I direct you over here)

13, by @mothmckrakken​ This is the platonic ideal of a RenRuki fanfic. It’s cute and sweet and perfect and if you’re just entering the fandom, it is absolutely the first thing I would push into your hands. It’s like a cup of tea and a homemade bagel. It’s my happy place. Also, Moth (who is also SUPER NICE) once said that Byakuya “has the tendency to be quite a butt” and that turn of phrase has been stuck in my head in association with him ever since, so thanks for that.

Leaving Inuzuri, by @sillier-things​ This one came out right around the time I started writing fanfic myself, and so I have that pleasant little association with it, but also, it’s so dingdang good. The long and short of it is that it’s about Renji and Rukia being horny teens in Inuzuri, but it’s an also an incredible introspection/character piece. I’ve read it about a gazillion times, and it has definitely been an Influence on My Writing. (I am also very fond of her Sunshine and Fire, fyi both of them have some sexual content)

The Curse of the Zanpakuto by c2t2 Speaking of Inuzuri, this fanfic is real heckin’ dark and I am obsessed with it. It’s about teen Rukia and Renji in Rukongai just getting super messed up in the head from their zanpakutos and you can, like, feel yourself going insane while reading it, it’s so good. It’s got rough sex and kids dying and just terrible stuff, it doesn’t matter. Look, IRL, Shirley Jackson is my favorite writer, either this is your jam or it ain’t, but if this is your jam, I tell you, This is Your Jam.

The Red Devil of Inuzuri by @junko222​ Here’s another dark one! What if Renji lost it when Rukia got adopted and instead of working his butt off to become a model soldier became a violent drunk instead? He works as a scumbag mercenary for the Kuchiki family, until one day, he hears the call of his zanpakuto. I think about this story all the time, it is so good and sad and cool, I love it.

that which cannot be seen, by @gizkasparadise​ We all know I am enormous nymja stan, right? I’m super obvious about it? She made me a Gendyra shipper even though I literally threw “A Clash of Kings” across a room? Anyway, all her RenRuki fics are Literal Gifts, but I want to talk about this one, which I put off reading for like, two months, because I knew I Couldn’t Handle It, and now I read it whenever I just want to get Extremely Emotionally Wrecked (other people... do this, right? It’s in same category as listing to Winter or Pretty Good Year by Tori Amos or watching Samurai X?) Anyway Renji DIES and it’s SAD and the part where he KISSES RUKIA THROUGH HIS BANDANA BECAUSE SHE’S FROZEN LSKDNWETJNWTNW and the very IDEA of Rukia and Byakuya being widow/ers together QEOINWEJFNSDJFKL Jeez, I’m getting wrecked just thinking about it. Christ. For some reason, I didn’t have it bookmarked, but that’s fixed now. (PS: Her Springtime of Youth!!! makes a really good palate cleanser. Also, The Fury? Have you read The Fury? Go read the Fury.)

Metaesthesia by @lucymonster​ I am not a ByaRen person, because I feel that Byakuya doesn’t deserve nice things, but Lucy’s writing is good enough to make me waver. This one is not, strictly speaking, ByaRen, although you could certainly read it through that lens if you wished. What is IS is an incredibly, twisted mirror study of Byakuya and Renji and their relationship with each other and with Rukia and it’s brilliant. Basically, Byakuya and Renji switch bodies, and we get it all from Renji’s perspective as he slowly loses himself in Byakuya’s personality and it’s ~incredible~. I am a huge sucker for an unreliable narrator, and I put this up there with my other favorite mindtwisters like Russian Doll and Annihilation (book) and Infinite Jest. I also really like her story Building Bridges, which is literally the most perfect exploration of the Byakuya-Rukia-Renji relationship I can imagine. (ngl, I have read a lot of her ByaRen smut, too and if you like some hot stuff about two guys going at it, which is not generally my thing, it is pretty choice.)

The Competitive Spirit by @acompletenonentity We all she’s a ridiculously talented artist, but she writes, too, brilliant little vignettes that are just as vivid as her drawings. She has a talent for picking some of my absolutely favorite canon moments and spinning out the emotions behind them. Just lovely.

Let the Rain Kiss You by Jetamors It’s an Academy Days fic and they all go to Kira’s beach house and I don’t know, it’s just perfect, I think about this one all the time??

Life is Like a Boat by @diademchiofthetripod The most amazing thing about fanfic is that you can just...make friends with people? And then they write things...for you? @diademchiofthetripod wrote this for ME. It’s so cute and sweet and she put all my favorite jokes in it and that’s AMAZING. And guess what? YOU get to read it, too!  That’s so awesome. Also, I am hoping so hard that I’ve bitten her with the writing bug and she’ll write more, whether it’s for me or not, because I have a strong suspicion I would love it in any case.

Fanfic is good, fam. Thank you, everyone, for sharing your Rich Inner Lives with me. I only regret that it took me, like, two years to make an AO3 account, and so I have not left as many comments as I should, but I am trying to make up for it.

[writings-of-dumpy]

A Cinderella Story - V

The end! I hope you all enjoyed the fruits of my Disney-loving ramblings!

Tags: @mindingmyownbusiness​

Ella was nervous on her carriage ride to the castle. Her hands kept wringing and her heart was pounding. There was barely enough time for her to grab her bag with her father’s books that she had left packed from when she thought of running away.

“Don’t be nervous, dear. He’s so smitten with you it’s astonishing. I’ve never seen him so flustered,” Scott, Ella learned the steward’s name was, said to her in a comforting tone. She nodded appreciatively.

“Thank you… I’m quite taken with him, too,” Ella told him with blushed cheeks.

After a few minutes of silence and Ella completely lost in thought, the carriage arrived at the castle and Ella felt another jolt of adrenaline and butterflies swarm her stomach. Scott exited the carriage first and held his hand out to help Ella out of the carriage. She smiled at him and he bowed to her.

“Oh, goodness… Thank you,” Ella said with a small blush. The carriage left behind her and Ella and Scott walked up the steps that Ella had only been on once before. After a long hallway, Scott and Ella arrived at what she assumed was the throne room. Her nerves were beginning to show, she was sure, but Scott either didn’t notice or didn’t say anything as he opened the door and walked in.

“Your majesties, we have—” Scott began, but Stiles’ voice interrupted him.

“Ella!” Stiles said and rushed to her. Ella saw that he wore his formal attire that displayed his various achievements and his royal status. The crown he wore on his head was gold and sat on his messy brown hair perfectly.

Ella smiled and curtsied to him. “Your highness.”

He chuckled and shook his head. “Please never call me that again…”

“Well, you are a prince…” Ella said with a shrug. Stiles pulled her hands in his and gave the tops of her fingers a gentle kiss and their eyes locked together. Ella couldn’t help but smile and hoped to never wake up from this dream.  

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I didn’t want you to think any different of me,” Stiles said in a low voice.

“That’s okay. I understand why you did,” Ella said and the pair stood there for a moment smiling to each other and gazing helplessly into each other’s eyes.

Scott cleared his throat after a moment, which tore stiles’ gaze away from Ella.

“Oh, right! I’m so sorry. Ella, I’d like you to meet my parents,” Stiles said and gripped her hand and began to pull her towards a mon and a woman both dressed in elegant attire with crowns adorning their heads.

“Um, I’m not properly dressed to meet them, I… oh boy,” Ella protested, but Stiles had already begun introducing her with a child-like excitement.

“Mom, dad… This is Ella. She’s the girl I was telling you about and the one I was with for like five hours last night,” Stiles said.

Ella felt utterly embarrassed when the royals faced her. Their smiles were kind and Ella curtsied deeply.

“It’s truly an honor to meet you, your majesties,” Ella said with a bowed head.

Once she had stood back up, she was met with a hug from the queen.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Ella. Our son has never looked so happy,” Queen Melissa said.

“It would mean a great deal if you’d join us for dinner tonight. Do you have family you could invite?” King Noah asked. Before Ella could respond, Scott stepped in.

“That’s a funny story, actually. We detained her stepmother for obstruction,” Scott said.

“Oh, goodness. I’m so sorry, dear,” Queen Melissa said and placed a comforting arm around Ella.

“Well, I do have my pixie friends… they’re the closest things I have to family. I suppose I could talk to my stepsisters…” Ella thought aloud. “Of course, I’d have to go back home for that.”

“I was thinking she could stay here… permanently, if you’d like, Ella,” Stiles said and turned to her.

Ella smiled and nodded. “That would be great… I don’t want to impose, though.”

“Nonsense! Your presence is more than welcome here, my dear,” King Noah said with a smile. “Scott, send a messenger to Ella’s house and invite her fairy friends and her stepsisters to dine with us tonight.”

Later that day, Ella was greeted by a maid named Kira who helped Ella try on a couple gowns that Queen Melissa had lent her.

“Oh wow…” Ella said at her reflection in the mirror.

“You look wonderful,” Kira smiled. Ella smiled back nervously.

“Thank you. Well, really thank you for everything, you’ve been so kind to me,” Ella said.

“Of course! If you need anything else, don’t hesitate to ring,” Kira said and motioned to the wall where a small string sat.

Once Kira left Ella alone in the grand room, Ella took in her surroundings and sat on the bed. This had all happened so quickly, Ella felt like she was maybe going to get dizzy. She was happy and grateful, of course, but she couldn’t help but wonder what was to be expected of her now. She wanted to spend more time with Stiles, but she knew she had to get herself situated first, and Stiles said he had to plan a few things.

After a while of Ella relaxing and getting accustomed to her new wardrobe, she heard a knock at her door. She quickly went to answer it and saw Stiles standing before her with a bouquet of flowers in his hands. His eyes made quick work of taking her in and he let out a soft whistle.

“Wow… you look incredibly beautiful,” Stiles complimented. He handed her the beautiful arrangement of flowers and Ella let him into her room.

“Thank you, these flowers are lovely,” Ella commented and placed them in a vase that was sat by her bedside table. When she turned around, Stiles knelt on one knee and his lip was between his teeth.

“Ella, I know we’ve known each other less than a week, but… I feel like it’s been longer, and I’m really… I think I’m in love with you. I know it’s all so scary and new and I know that not everything will be easy… but with you, I feel like things are better. I choose you, Ella. For the rest of my life. Will you marry me..?” Stiles told her with a trembling voice. He presented a sapphire encrusted diamond ring to her in a small ring case.

Ella’s eyes overflowed with tears and she nodded her head. “Yes, I will marry you.”

Stiles smiled widely and let out a small laugh. He pulled her hands in his and placed the ring on her finger with ease. Ella looked up at him and their eyes met for a moment of joy. She watched Stiles swallow thickly and he leaned his head close to hers. Ella had never been shown such affection and her heart raced as his lips grew closer to hers. When they met, she kissed him gently and they shared a sweet and delicate moment. Ella knew that with Stiles, everything would end up okay.

Stiles held Ella’s hand as the guests arrived. In walked Ariel, Belle, Jasmine, Cindy, and Snow in their full human form that Ella had only seen twice before now.

“You guys look amazing!” Ella said to them and they each curtsied before the royals.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you all. Ella considers you family, and now that she’s one of ours, you’re welcome here at any time,” Noah said to them.

Next to enter was Malia and Allison who, despite having a rough day, looked elegant and smiled politely at Ella and curtsied respectfully.

“Hello, Ella. Congratulations on your engagement,” Allison said cordially.

Ella smiled at them. “Thank you. And thank you for coming tonight, I really wanted to talk to you both…”

“Of course,” Malia said sadly.

The food was brought in and the pixies made quick work of striking up conversation with Stiles.

“So, what’s your favorite thing about Ella?” Snow asked.

“Oh god,” Ella mumbled.

“Uh... haha. I think her smile is my favorite thing about her. So far anyway,” he responded, which earned a nod from Ella’s friends. Stiles then surprised the girls by asking, “What’s yours?”

Ariel laughed, “Oh, he’s good.”

The dinner went well and by the end of the meal, Melissa and Noah were laughing and joking with Ella’s family as if they were their own. Malia and Allison contributed to small talk almost exclusively, but laughed at the jokes as well. When it was time for the guests to leave, Ella bid her friends goodbye and watched them fly off.

“Ella..?” Malia’s small voice said from behind her. Stiles squeezed Ella’s hand and left the room to give the girls privacy.

“Yes?”

Allison produced a small leather-bound book from the satchel she carried and handed it to Ella.

“We found this today in moth—in Winifred’s room. It belonged to your mother. I don’t know why she kept it all of these years, but we figured you were its rightful owner,” Malia said slowly.

“And we know it’s not much, but… We’re sorry. What happened was unacceptable, and now that we’re grown, we can see where we could have done things differently and we’re sorry we didn’t,” Allison added.

Ella let her hands roam over the book and looked up at her stepsisters with teary eyes. “Thank you. This means so much to me. I know it wasn’t easy for you two either, and I forgive you. That’s why I invited you here tonight—I hope that we can start a new chapter together without any interference or fear.”

Malia and Allison smiled brightly.

“We’d like that very much,” Allison said.

“You always did have good ideas,” Malia added.

The three girls embraced in a long hug and despite their checkered past, Ella felt nothing hateful or angry towards them. She made sure that they would get an invite to the wedding and she wanted to keep in touch with them and hoped that Winifred would stay away for a long, long time.

The next week went by in a blur for Ella. It felt like she had to make the most important decision of her life every day—from the cake to the flowers, the orchestra and decorations—it all seemed like a life or death situation. But with Stiles by her side, she handled it well and when the day finally came, she could barely believe it.

“You need help with the corset, dear?” Cindy asked from the other side of the partition. Ella was getting ready for the ceremony and she knew that the dress she picked out was slightly complicated, but she loved it just the same. Her bridesmaids were, of course, her very best friends.

“Um, yes, actually! I didn’t think I would, but good lord these are picky little things when you try to tie them yourself,” Ella said.

Cindy giggled and helped tie her into her dress, then helped place the veil in her hair.

“You look gorgeous, Ella,” Cindy said once the outfit was complete.

“Let us see you, come on!” Jasmine urged. Cindy and Ella stepped out from behind the partition and the room was filled with gasps.

“Oh, you look wonderful! That was an excellent choice of dress,” Snow adored.

A knock at the door ended the moment and Ariel opened it to reveal King Noah standing in his formal attire.

“We’re ready when she is,” he said to Ariel. Ella took a deep breath and gripped her bouquet tightly. She thought about how Stiles was feeling and hoped that he was just as ready as she was to be married. Ella stepped up and smiled at her father-in-law-to-be.

“Stiles is going to be blown away,” he told her. The group walked through the halls and the processional began. After the last pair—Ariel and Scott—made their way down the aisle, the music stopped and Ella could hear the shuffling of the people in the audience of the cathedral standing up. The organ began to play and Ella took a deep breath as the doors opened for her and Noah to walk through. She looked around and saw many unfamiliar faces, but once she reached the middle of the aisle, her eyes met Malia and Allison’s, who were smiling widely. Ella smiled back at them, and let her eyes travel to where her beloved Prince waited for her. Ella’s eyes met with the familiar golden brown ones that she had fallen in love with and she felt any fears and nerves wash away. When there were just a few more steps for Noah and Ella to take, Stiles trotted down the steps and met them in the aisle.

“Couldn’t wait, huh?” Noah chuckled.

“Not my fault you walk too slow,” Stiles shrugged.

The ceremony went by in a blur as Ella’s attention was only on Stiles. When the officiant placed the tiara on Ella’s head, Stiles’ eyes widened and his smile grew. The rings and vows were exchanged, and as soon as the officiant gave Stiles permission, his lips were latched to Ella’s. His hands cupped her face and the audience clapped and cheered. Ella’s heart skipped a beat and Stiles smiled at her as their kiss broke.

“I love you, my princess,” Stiles whispered to Ella as they recessed down the aisle and out to the carriage to take them to their honeymoon.

“I love you, my prince,” Ella echoed once they were safely inside the carriage.

Stiles smiled widely at her and she beamed back at him. Their lips met once more in a passionate and loving kiss, and they lived happily ever after.

[anarcoqueer1994]

Why Do I Feel Like This? Chapter 4

Really important: This is an old work of mine that I am posting bc the tag is dying. But also, this has a lot of homophobic language. I can post the other chapter if people are interested too. This was a tough chapter to write. I went to a conservative middle school in 2008 and kids were always nice to the trans non binary gay kid

"Freak."

"Homo."

"Pansy."

"Faggot."

These words were hanging in the air around them. TJ and Cyrus were in Cyrus' bedroom, laying on the floor side by side, with their fingers intertwined, refusing to let go as if their lives depended on it. Sadly with how TJ was feeling now, Cyrus was pretty sure his life did depend on it. Cyrus turns his head so he can look at TJ. His eyes lingered on a bruise that was forming around the other boy's eye. It broke his heart. He let his eyes slip down to his own arm, looking at the hand shaped bruise. It left a dull throb down his arm.

The blond's cheek was streaked with silent tears. His face was tense and broken. He looked like he could shatter into a million pieces at any moment. Cyrus knew the feeling. He was barely keeping it together himself. Between the hurt he felt for what kids did to him today, and the intense anger he felt towards those who hurt TJ, he was about to lose his mind. How could this be happening?

Today had started so positively. TJ was practically glowing on the way to school. Yesterday night, he gained so many friends in Andi, Buffy, Jonah, and Marty. He was genuinely excited about having more friends at school and not feeling so lonely. Cyrus remembers smiling as he listened to the older boy gush as they walked together. He remembers wanting to hold his hand as they walked, but didn't because they weren't out to the public. Looking back he wished he did, because maybe it would of given his boyfriend more strength for what would come next.

This morning, they walked through the big double doors leading into the school hallway. Immediately everyone went silent. Hundreds of eyeballs bore into them as they walked down the hallway towards their lockers. Their lockers this year were right next to each other. People parted down the hallway to let them through. Cyrus heard some snickering and whispers when they passed.

"What's going on?" The shorter boy asked quietly.

"I'm not sure..." TJ admits apprehensively.

That's when they see it. Out of the corner of his eye, Cyrus sees his friends rushing up to stop them from seeing but it is too late. Taped to both of their lockers were blown up pictures of them kissing. It was from the park last night. It shows TJ standing up, leaning down to kiss Cyrus as he sat on the swing. Any other time, Cyrus would of loved that picture. TJ looked so beautiful in it, but right now it was breaking his heart. Someone outed them. They took away their right to come out on their own terms.

Then both boys noticed something else. Written on the bottom of the pictures in big red ugly lettering was the word 'FAGGOTS.' Cyrus forgot how to move. He stood frozen as everyone stared at them. He could hear whispers filled with ugly words. He could hear TJ's heavy breathing next to him. He did not know if his boyfriend was about to cry or lash out at everyone there.He wanted so badly to reach over and take his hand but knew that would make everything worse.

That's when he heard Buffy's voice cut through the crowd. "What are you guys all looking at?! Get out of here, now!" Cyrus saw his friends push forward to stand with them. Buffy threw her arm around TJ's shoulder while Andi squeezed Cyrus' hand. Kids began to disperse at Buffy's threatening voice but a few lingered.

"Get out of here!" Jonah called out.

Yeah, leave now. Get to class or something." Marty shouted.

With that, the group was left alone in the hallway. Both boys knew this was not the end of their problems, but it helped for now. Cyrus whispered "Thank..thank you..." Jonah and Marty went up to the lockers and ripped down the offending pictures. They were quiet for a moment. Maybe even longer. Time was moving in slow motion. It was like they all had something to say but did not want to be the one to say it.

Jonah finally broke the silence. He said "Can we go somewhere and talk...there is more you guys should know." Cyrus saw TJ's face get even tenser. He did not think it was possible. The bell rang but none of kids seemed to care. TJ gives a small nod to Jonah's previous question.

They walked down the hallway and found an empty classroom. Given the situation, they were pretty sure their teachers would understand them missing some class. Marty was the last one in the classroom, so he shut the door behind him and locks it.

Andi takes a deep breathe and then pulls out her phone. She opens up a text and hands the phone to Cyrus. TJ is standing near Cyrus looking over the phone. There is a video attachment. Andi says quietly "Hit play, Cy..." He does as she says and watches the video that makes him feel 100X worse.

It is a clip from the park. It is a crappy cell phone video. It shows the whole kiss...it shows them staring at each other like idiots and then them talking afterwards. They looked like love struck puppies. Luckily the person who taped this was too far away to record their conversation. But it is still way worse than the picture. You can hear the two voices in the background belonging to whoever recorded this. From the looks of it, they were hiding behind some tree. One voice is obvious, it was Kira. But someone was talking to her. TJ's heart dropped even further. The other voice belonged to Reed.

This hurt him even more. Back when Reed was his friend, he didn't actually come out to him but he was pretty sure he knew about his crush on Cyrus. Reed seemed supportive, even playfully flirting with Cyrus the day of the gun incident. Reed and Lester used to listen to TJ ramble on about Cyrus. They knew he liked going to the swings to talk to the smaller boy. That explains why Kira knew she could probably find him there with Cyrus. Reed must of told her. He couldn't believe Reed would seep as low as outing them.

As the clip came to an end, both boys looked dumbfounded. TJ could feel his friends' sympathetic stares directed and him and his boyfriend. Buffy is almost whispering as she says "I think it was sent out to the entire student body."

Cyrus kind of figured that. He cannot imagine how this situation could get any worse. He was expecting TJ to run away and isolate himself from them, from him. But what he actually does, breaks his heart more.

TJ whimpers softly like he could barely talk. 'Can...can you guys give me and Cyrus a moment...please..." The other kids nod and leave without a fuss. Their faces all look worried, nevertheless.

Cyrus braces himself for TJ to break it off, to tell him that he never wants to talk to again, to tell him this was all a mistake, but he does not. He looks to the ground as he stands facing Cyrus. He takes a sharp, pained breath. "You don't have to stay with me...this is all my fault. I'm sorry...I'm so sorry."

Cyrus did not expect that. The surprise causes him to let out a dry laugh. How could TJ ever think Cyrus would leave him over this. "You can be so oblivious, you know that? You mean more to me than any of those people. TJ I lo..I mean you are so important to me.I just can't imagine being without you." He realized he almost slipped up and dropped the "L" word, but stopped. He thought it would not be the right time. He did not want to freak the older boy out more

TJ weakly reaches out for Cyrus' hand. It was almost surreal to see TJ look so defeated. This was not the confident, goofy, jock Cyrus knew. Cyrus was so sad looking at him. He grabbed TJ's outstretched hand. Cyrus didn't know what hurt him more, what those kids did to him, or what they did to TJ. Actually he knew the answer to that question. TJ's hurt will always matter more to him, for better or for worse.

They stay quiet for a long time before Cyrus' voice cracked through the air. "We have to get to class, Teej..." TJ silently nods in response but doesn't attempt to move. Cyrus decides he will stay there as long as TJ needs him to.

Cyrus would if been terrified if skipping class before this. He wouldn't want to face Metcalf's lecture about the importance of making the most of your time at school. Or even worse, detention. But none of that matters to him right now. The events of today took away his ability to care.

He glanced momentarily at the door to make sure his friends locked it behind them. This room has no windows as it is a basement classroom. With reassurance that the door was secure, he pulled TJ close to him, moving to wrap his arms around him and hold him close, threatening to never let go.

The blond does all he can not to just collapse in Cyrus' arms. He felt exhausted. Today was not supposed to be like this. This was not how he pictured finally coming out. He keeps picturing that ugly word written in red. It was like living a nightmare. Was that all he was?

He rest his head on Cyrus' shoulder, trying to pull himself back together before they had to face the other students. He took a shaky breath before whispering into the shorter boys ear "I'm ready…"

"You sure?"

"Yea…Are you?" He whispers, trying to make himself believe he was truly ready.

“Honestly that depends….” Cyrus says in an unsure voice.. His voice gets lower, almost sounding shameful. “I can handle being out there, as long as you don’t shut yourself away from me. I hate what those people said and did, but what scares me the most is the thought of losing you...”

When those words roll off his tongue, TJ’s grip around Cyrus gets tighter. “I could never do that, Underdog...not anymore. Every part of my life is touched by you. You are under my skin, you know? “ Those were the most confident words TJ has said since they got to school. Cyrus could not help but believe they are true.

Cyrus pulls away and gives TJ a small beautiful smile. “Okay...let’s go.”

With that, both boys head out and go to their separate classes.

 

************************

School dragged on. They both missed most of first period already so they waited for second period. TJ had English and Cyrus had math. They were on opposite ends of the school so they couldn't even walk together to class.

When they separated, Cyrus tried to hurry to math class, to avoid listening to people in the halls. Some gave sad, sympathetic smiles. He knew they meant well but wouldn't actually do anything. Then of course, there were the mean whispers.

"Freak."

"I should have known, honestly...he was always such a girl."

"I have to sit next to that homo in science. I hope he doesn't infect me like he did TJ."

He tried to ignore everything, trying to focus on how TJ could always make him smile. He tried to focus on their date this past weekend. TJ was always his happy thoughts. He didn't look at anyone, just passed by with his head down.

None of his friends were in the same math class, Buffy had gotten moved to honors, and Andi was later in the day. So he could not even get a reprieve when he got to class.

You know who was in his class though? Reed. He was dreading walking through that door. Up until now, Reed had ignored him since the gun incident. He knew he would not be that lucky today

As if on cue, Reed, Lester, and a few other boys from 2nd period math were waiting outside the classroom. Coleman was not in class yet, so Cyrus had no teacher to protect him.

"Hey Cy…" Reed sneers.

Cyrus remains quiet, trying to pass the group to get into the classroom.

Reed grabs his arm hard enough to bruise, stopping him in his tracks. It really hurt and Cyrus winces in pain. "I was talking to you. I knew you were a fag...but dumb too?"

Cyrus stays quiet as the boy releases him and pushes him back slightly. It causes Cyrus to stumble and fall on the ground. The boys surround him.

"You are going to regret ever turning TJ into one of you guys…"

Cyrus gets a burst of courage when he brings up TJ. He may not be able to defend himself well, but he would do anything for his boyfriend. "That's the dumbest thing I have ever heard. You can't turn someone gay. Trust me TJ was "one of us" way before me."

Reed looks pissed when Cyrus talks back to him. But Cyrus doesn't stop. Though his arm hurts and now his back from falling, he smirks. He doesn't know what came over him. "In fact, I thought you may be "one of us" by the way you were acting when we went dirt biking. You were flirting with me the moment I walked up. But it is not me you are into is it? You wanted another boy that was there. You wanted to make him jealous, didn't you?"

"Shut. Up. Goodman." He said in an irritated tone. His eyes are dark from anger. The other kids stare in confusion.

"Or what? You are going to hurt me again. Do it. I don't care. You know why? Because I have TJ and you never will." When the words leave his mouth, he feels a sharp kick to his stomach.

"I said shut up, faggot." Reed and his group walk into class leaving Cyrus laying on the floor, holding his stomach where Reed's shoe just made contact. He manages to stand up and walk into class before Coleman gets there. The last thing he wants is more attention drawn to him by getting a teacher involved.

As he sits in the back row, in a little corner, he smiles to himself. His body hurt like hell and he knew he would have a bruise on his stomach to match the one forming on his arm. But he stood up to Reed. He actually said out loud "I have TJ." It really hit him, TJ is his. He did not know what he did to deserve something so wonderful

**********

The rest of the day passed slowly. People would make nasty remarks whenever either of them were in the hallway. But no one came up directly to TJ like Reed did to Cyrus during the school day. Even Kira just gave satisfied grins when he saw her. She was satisfied with her work and did not feel the need to add to it. She could tell by his defeated face, that she had done enough.

Lunch was a good reprieve, as Cyrus and TJ were together, and they were surrounded by their friends. It was a little easier to ignore the other students. But today overall was mentally wearing them down. Ignoring the stares and the laughs was overwhelming. Cyrus keeps the Reed incident to himself. He knew TJ would lose his temper and Cyrus does not want TJ to get in trouble.

In the afternoon, classes were just as bad. In art class, which TJ and Cyrus have together, everyone focused all their attention on them. They sat together, like usual, but today everyone became hyper aware of it. In the past, they would exchange little cute notes to pass the time. They could not do that today without someone noticing though and making it a big deal. It was like they were like freaks on display.

Throughout the day, their friends really tried to help. They would shoot back nasty looks or tell off whoever was being a jerk. But it just wasn’t enough. The worst part wasn’t even the kids making the shitty comments.No, the worst part was that so many more kids weren’t saying anything at all. It was not just that they weren’t calling them names or being a bully. It was that they were just letting it happen. They were being indifferent in the face of 2 boys being taunted just because they were going out with each other. These kids were not being homophobic directly, but by ignoring the problem, they let it get worse.

**************************

When school finally let out, TJ could not just go home. He had basketball practice, and for once he was not looking forward to it. Cyrus had always came to his practice. He would sit and watch them play(mostly TJ) and then they would walk home together. A bunch of the player’s girlfriends would be there too but until today, no one thought anything of Cyrus being there.

Cyrus met TJ at his locker before the taller boy went to practice. They tried to block out the few lingering glares around them. Cyrus whispers “Hey TJ….do you want me to come today? I...I don’t want to embarrass you more and I understand if you don’t want me there...I can just wait for you somewhere else...or I mean if you even want me to wait…” Cyrus was rambling and blushing more and more the longer he talked.

TJ does not know why Cyrus always makes him want to be brave but he does. He stops Cyrus mid-ramble. “Of course I want you to come, Underdog…” He adds “I don’t care what these people think.” That last part was kind of a lie but TJ wanted to believe himself.

Cyrus simply nodded as he watched the basketball player close his locker. He follows his boyfriend down the hallway towards the gym. They get there before the rest of the team so TJ goes to the locker room and changes before anyone else gets there. Cyrus takes a seat on the bleachers and settles in to wait.

When the rest of the team arrives and is ready, they begin practice. The other basketball players’ girlfriends all sit away from Cyrus. But whatever separation and isolation Cyrus may feel, it is nothing like on the court. The other players won’t pass TJ the ball during drills, and they keep knocking in to him on purpose. They try to make it look like an accident because their coach is watching but Cyrus knows better. The team doesn’t seem to be treating them like their captain anymore.But everytime Cyrus makes eye contact with TJ, TJ puts on a big smile just for him. He knows TJ does not want him to worry.

When practice finally ends, things get worse in the locker room. TJ rushes to the locker room first. TJ tries to hurry out of as soon as possible but things don’t work out. He is standing at his locker trying to change. He already is back into his jeans and is working on getting his t-shirt back on. The other players enter the room. A tall boy, Brady, immediately starts talking to TJ. “Hey Kippen, I think you are in the wrong locker room. The girls locker room is that way.” He points towards the door.

“Very funny…” TJ responds dryly as he pulls his shirt over his head and begins packing up his stuff.

“I’m serious, Kippen. I don’t think I want you in here, and neither does anyone else. We don’t need a homo in here checking us out.”

“Trust me, I’m not interested.” TJ tries to remain calm.

“I don’t think you understand, we don’t want you on the team anymore.” He steps closer and shoves TJ as hard in the chest.

“I don’t think you understand. I’m the best player you have. Without me, you aren’t going to win another game.” TJ replies, stepping back close to him. The boys stand almost nose to nose.

“I would much rather lose, then have you and your faggy ass boyfriend gaying up the place.”

A wave of rage swept over TJ. How dare he bring Cyrus into this. Without a second thought, TJ punches Brady right on the chin, knocking him to the floor. TJ grabs his backpack and goes to leave. He stops at the door and says “Oh Brady? I wouldn’t tell coach about this, wouldn’t want anyone else to know you got beat up by a faggot.”

TJ storms out of the locker room, while trying to compose himself. He walks into the gym and looks up at Cyrus on the bleachers. “Cy let’s get out of here...now”

**********************

The boys walk home together. Tj didn’t want to tell Cyrus what happened, but when those big brown eyes looked up at him and asked what happened in the locker room, TJ could not lie. He told him everything. TJ seemed shaken up about it, mostly because he had worked so hard to not be angry anymore, and now it seemed like everything he worked at had been erased.

TJ looked so sad, and Cyrus couldn’t help but feel bad for him. He no longer was afraid to hold TJ’s hand in public, people knew so what did it matter? So while TJ was talking, mainly beating himself up, Cyrus reached out and intertwined his fingers with TJ’s. It made TJ’s cheeks go red as he tried not show how much Cyrus could still get his nerves all tingly. Cyrus, once again made all his troubles melt away.

Since TJ was honest with Cyrus, Cyrus decides to be honest with TJ. He tells him what happened with Reed. He shows him the little bruises on his arm. TJ looks like he could kill Reed right now. But Cyrus asks him to let it be and then tell TJ about how he stood up to him. TJ smiles at the last part when Cyrus says that he has TJ.

“Is that true, Underdog? You really want me to be yours?”

“Yea…” Cyrus blushes. “We are dating after all.”

“Yea I know that, I just have never heard you say that. I think...I think I like being yours.”

Cyrus shoots TJ a big smile. “Well I like that you are mine. I also like being yours too.”

TJ looks at the younger boy and really takes in every detail. Cyrus Goodman has done it again. He has made TJ forget about how bad today felt. He says “Hey wanna go to The Spoon?”

“Are you sure? A lot of kids from school will be there.”

‘Yea I know, let them talk. I can block them out when I am with you.”

“Okay then, I’m down to get some babytaters. “

“Cool, I have to run home and grab my cash and drop off my gym bag. Get us a table?”

“Yeah of course…”

*****************’

TJ walks into the door and the house is eerily quiet. Amber is at work, and so was his mom. But his dad should be home.He looks around the house just to check in. It wasn’t until he got to his room that he found him. He was sitting at TJ’s desk. He smelled strongly of whiskey and was holding a picture of TJ and Cyrus from TJ’s drawer.”

“Hey..hey dad, what you doing?”

“Is this the boy?” His dad asks as he waves the picture around.

“What...what are you talking about?” he stutters.

“Don’t play dumb with me, boy. The school called. They said that kids were giving you problems today over some kiss with a boy. Is this the boy?”

‘Yes, sir.” TJ looks down. He really wishes his big sister was there. Amber knew how to handle their dad when he was drunk and angry. She always protected him.

“I don’t ever want you to see him again. And you will not live that disgusting...lifestyle in this house.” His dad’s words are slurred as he stands up and steps closer to the boy. His dad could be pretty intimidating. He stood at 6’4 and had the build to match. TJ wonders if his dad knows that Amber is definitely not straight either.

TJ takes a deep breath before defyingly looking straight into his dad’s eyes.”No.”

“What did you just say to me?”

“I said no, dad. I will not stop seeing Cyrus and now that I was pushed out of the closet, I will not go back in. You or anyone else cannot make me!”

“You will not talk to me like that in my house!” He says grabbing TJ by the shirt collar and practically throwing him against the dresser behind him. That’s when the drunken hits and punches start landing against his body. “I’m the adult here, if you are going to act like a freak, I’m at least going to show you how to take a punch like a man.”

When the older man is done, he leaves TJ slumped against his dresser and closes the door. TJ knows he cannot possibly leave now. He does not have the heart to tell Cyrus what happened. He is sore all over. He knows he will have bruises and marks all down his chest and face. But he doesn’t hurt. He just feels numb. Like nothing at all matters. Like he doesn’t matter. Maybe he was a freak...he doesn’t even know.

He stays on the floor leaning against that dresser for hours. He hears both his mom and sister come home. Then he hears fighting and doors slamming. Amber knocks on his door, but he ignores her. There is only one person he wants to see right now but he thinks he messed that up too.

He never made it to The Spoon and couldn’t bring himself to answer Cyrus’ calls.

*********************

Cyrus had waited for TJ for 2 hours before finally going home. He does not know why TJ ditched him or why he was not answering his calls. He sadly walked home alone.

When he got to his dad’s house, he found all four of his parents waiting in the living room. They all heard what happened at school. They all ended up being so supportive. They were angry that someone took away his right to come out on his own terms.Cyrus was truly lucky in his home situation. They had a huge dinner and even told him he could invite TJ. Unfortunately TJ was not answering his calls. After dinner, his mom and step dad went home and Cyrus went to his room to do some homework and get ready for bed.

At around 11:30, Cyrus was laying bed. He could not get TJ out of his head. He was worried about his boyfriend. He was also angry. TJ said he wouldn’t leave him. Now he was worried that he changed his mind. The pressure from the kids at school was too much for him. A small ting sound broke him away from his thoughts. Someone was knocking lightly on his window.

He turned on a small lamp by his bed. He walked over to the window and slid it open. The figure that was knocking crawls through the window in into the room. When the light hit his face, Cyrus saw it was TJ. He also saw the big bruise forming around his eye and cheek. His heart dropped looking at the older boy. TJ looked like he was about to break. The blond says “I’m sorry I stood you up today….”

“Teej, its okay. What happened to you?” He whispers, scrunching his eyebrows together. He can’t believe someone would do this to him. He didn’t know why TJ was apologizing to him for missing some baby tators when obviously something horrendous happened to him.

“My..my dad. The school called him...I told him I would never breakup with you...and I think...I think he was trying to beat the gay out or something...I don’t know...I just...it just hurts….everything hurts. My body, the way everyone treated me...treated you. What did I do to deserve this? Maybe it’s karma or something for who I used to be…Cyrus, I don’t know if I can take this. I’m not strong enough. I just feel like I want to end everything.” He lets out a sob before the flood wall burst open. The last line slipped out. He didn’t really think he wanted to just kill himself, but it definitely crossed his mind. For the first time today, he let himself just cry. Cyrus pulls him into his arms and pets his hair.

“You didn’t do anything to deserve this. Not everyone is as cool and accepting….and people like to hurt and breakdown those people who are different, who they don’t understand. TJ, you have the most beautiful heart, and there is this light in you that makes me better just from being around you. Please don’t let them take that light from you. Your dad? He is a mean bigoted, jerk. You deserve so much better. Teej, I need you so please don’t hurt yourself, okay? I love you…”

He wasn’t expecting to say that now, but it's what he felt. They have only been dating a month, but he knew he loved TJ back before they confessed. He knew that’s how he felt when TJ looked him in the eyes and said “You’re the only person I can talk to like this.”

Cyrus feels the wet tears soak through his shirt as TJ cries into his shoulder. He hears a mumble, almost too quiet to make out. TJ has whimpered“I love you too Cy….”

They stayed in each other’s embrace for a long time before it hurt to keep crying. That's how they ended up with their fingers intertwined, laying on the ground. Cyrus had pulled TJ to the ground so they could lay together and just take comfort in each other’s presence. Cyrus wasn’t sure how well that was working, as he got more and more upset the longer he stared at the bruises peppering his not-so-scary basketball guy’s skin.

He was not sure how, but he needed to fix all of this for TJ.

[advernia]

i’m amazed that i’ve been active for at least a couple days straight??? is it the effect of lesser fe3h playtimes + the silly coworker writing challenge at the workplace??? oh well ∠( ᐛ 」∠)＿

since i remembered i was trying to make work commentary a thing here, more rambling / author’s notes under the cut!

jul 6th // ikerev

push your way through the cracks is the first edgar/mc i’ve written here and while i’ve mentioned there that edgar is my fav out of the cast, i fear that i’ll probably take me a very long time to write another one bc... he’s my favorite. i noticed i have the tendency not to write much (or have finished works) about ships i really, really like despite... you know, liking them. hopefully not - shipping aside, i like exploring the characterizations of enigmatic types like edgar.

about the fic, i pretty much like it save for the second part bc i think i could’ve done something more with it - not exactly change the setting, but expounded a little further on it. i don’t know, it feels lacking somehow in comparison to the first two.

there are a lot of flower-related descriptions tossed here and there, but i think i succeeded in not being so purple prose-y? hopefully! this was pretty descriptive, i guess.

with this edgar fic present, that means i have 2 more red army doods to write about, namely zero & jonah. i was really aiming to make edgar the last one tho haha.

jul 12th // ikerev

weave me into your web is canon based, specifically pt. 24 of sirius’ route where they say ‘goodbye’. note those quotation marks.

i think i wrote this after a discussion i had with a friend about sirius & his route - she read some posts commenting on the route and she wanted a nearby opinion. we got into an agreement: while we do find sirius to be indeed husbando material, his route would’ve risked nothing if they gave him more / emphasized his flaws. his flaws, not mc’s, gosh. 

no, seriously. in my opinion, mc fretting so much about being immature sort of blinds her from the little things that prove sirius is not so composed as he appears to be. it gets even worse when she realizes she’s fallen in love with him, and while i enjoy the black army going kira-kira rabu support team + seth being hopeless suitor, i’m going 50/50 on mc. she’s written to be indeed very single-minded come the war phase and while that’s not necessarily bad since she gets to broaden her perspective as she always does, i think i would’ve appreciated it if she came to most of the realizations on her own by reflecting on them based on how the events around her are progressing; and not simply by sirius / someone else pointing it out for her. no wonder she’d think she’s immature in comparison - it also irks me a bit that she keeps on fretting about her feelings for sirius. this is what i’d be sad to see again in other routes: the romance overthrowing the potential / present character development. 

side note: i understand that in relationships with a notable age gap, maturity / perceived maturity can be a problem - i just wished that the route downplayed on this bc honestly, there are other things more interesting to explore than that angle, like, say; isn’t she from another culture or world or something????????? will those differences affect our potential relationship??????????????

on sirius himself, i recall reading on reddit that one person didn’t pick up ikerev for the reason that the cast is too perfect. that’s a fair opinion. i think i can relate this to sirius himself: while throughout the route you do see some flaws in him, he’s still overall the dude you’d write home about + that dude you’d dream introducing to your parents complete with that suave voice (thank u junichi suwabe). no, i’m not saying that he has to have some unlikable or quirky trait / wangsty backstory, it’s just that in my opinion he’s desirable but not exactly relatable. let him struggle, let me see him rise up from it. show me his humanity. there’s the scene with him and lancelot, but i want more. tho him being afraid of being alone is what i find extremely relatable and endearing about him, very nice. otherwise... well, maybe i have to reread the route again or smth.

anyway. the fic emphasizes actually on his character trait of self-control / restraint. did u know too much is bad for u??? it can reflect that since you hold yourself back too much, it could mean that you’re masking your true feelings, for example. there are various psychological studies on that. *stares at sirius* hMMM.

i took care to be quite descriptive on that kiss scene and at the same time, not to be so emotional on it bc it’s still sirius lol - i believe he’s not one to lose himself completely to his emotions, but he’s not that afraid to succumb to some of it - especially if he actually wants to feel them.

... this turned out to be a rant portion rather than a fic commentary now didn’t it

aug 24 // ikerev (i’m seeing a pattern here)

a beginner’s guide to waltz was seriously just some formatting experiment, then it blew up to something larger. i actually like it tho, it’s cute.

writing oliver is actually fun, not bc of the reason that i can be rude. he is rude, but he’s not like that for just the sake of being so. as seen with blanc, it’s probably a result of habit. why exactly he chose to be verbally aggressive is something i’d like to know in his route.

i have no idea how the relationship shift is portrayed either, but i do hope it’s a mortifying revelation on mc’s part lol. like, lookie here, that little kid with his wee shorts and pretty hat that you hang out with all the time and don’t care about acting so ladylike around was that hot hunk who saved you before! oliver’s so amused and never letting her live it down.

for the line ‘i’m not interested in asking you about a decision you’ve made since you arrived here’: the decision mentioned is mc’s promise not to fall in love & to go home. i think oliver would be one of those routes where he falls for her but wants her to go home anyway, but the difference in his route is that he’s very adamant to make her leave. maybe thinking along the lines of ‘i don’t want you to end up like me’ or something. idk. idk what i’m trying to type at this point, lol.

just some random thought, but i do hope ikerev artist tcg someday draws mc in the game outfits / hairstyles bc she’s actually rly pretty. the description of mc’s outfits / fashion of part 4 of the fic was out of me just staring at the my closet portion of the game. don’t ask - i like the hc of oliver & mc having elegant wardrobes / fashion sense, and since i’m too lazy to check up 19th century london fashion trends...

sep 28 // collar x malice

haunted by something still alive was the result of me thinking about guns. don’t ask me either. maybe it’s also a result of me wanting to write something else that isn’t from my horrendous drafts folder lol.

these were actually nice drabble practices, and the first one i clearly had i mind was shiraishi’s. i honestly think it would be fitting, probably around the start of the route where they haven’t got to know each other so well.

from there on i tried to do the drabbles in the route order i did when i played the game, which was mineo - sasazuka - okazaki - shiraishi - yanagi. but tbh when i was writing it became shiraishi - mineo - yanagi - sasazuka - yanagi again - okazaki, lol. i rewrote yanagi’s and okazaki’s three times.

subtitles have their respective mathematical operations on it - i find it kind of cool and funny that those are their symbols (amnesia had the card suits), but when you do think of it properly, it does relate to their characters.

... never forget that hoshino ichika is canonically good with guns.

sep 28 // ikerev

in absence of glass slippers as stated was a part of one of my first ikerev drafts. still a draft until now, but the portion i posted is one of the ‘finished’ sections of the fic.

i don’t headcanon mc as a respectable lady from a equally respectable house or her being a well-off girl, but i like the concept of her being a self-taught lady of society aka she learned stuff like manners, dancing, and etc. out of curiosity or for more practical reasons like fitting in. 19th century london is still the victorian era, so social class and propriety was still a thing.

her taking off her shoes to practice dancing with ray is a sort of a challenge, actually... his measure of improvement will be based on the times that he steps on her feet / how many blisters her feet would gain by the end of the session, lolol - that’s why she says that stepping on a rock is the least of her problems. pretty hardcore, isn’t she?

thus the title actually - glass slippers (mary janes actually) are pretty delicate, but don’t you think a lady’s foot is much more delicate?

with ray’s fic up, i’ve officially written a piece for all of the black army men! nice.

sep 29 // ikerev

neither heaven or hell is holy shit, an mc-centered fic! hella rad - i was half thinking to classify it as a drabble, but since i decided that drabbles are pieces that i may get back on, i kept it as a full fic instead since i’m happy with how it turned out.

all of my screamings are in the tags, so i don’t have much to add besides that lol. however, the writing here is pretty different, and that’s because i was trying to do a three sentence fic challenge kind of thing. buuuuut it became three paragraphs with three lengthy sentences instead lol.

also, there’s some stuff highlighting mc’s london-er/english-ness. washing powder is the british term for laundry soap. 19th century roofs for royals were usually panels, and wooden beams for commoners. different as chalk and cheese is a british expression. i’m certainly not british but i just like emphasizing the fact that mc is of another culture/world, thus there should be differences in how she perceives things / her mannerisms & actions / her way of speech. i’ve been conscious of that in all of my fics involving her.

actually, i do make it a point to watch her way of speaking. i really like the polite way of speaking of 19th century britain (and also of today), so i try to integrate that despite the fact that i’m not british myself lol. it’s hard to fully convey it, but i try with hoping that it doesn’t seem too off. i should probably look for more references to practice it.

this was a very spontaneous piece with actually minor editing involved, and i’m pretty proud of how it turned out.