#this is a vent btw

[justgoji]

based on your dislikes!

[oh-katsuki]

.

okay i am now more prepared to mention what has happened but im doing it because i need to complain about something. anywa

so yesterday i got a phone call that my dad was in the hospital with a brain bleed and needed emergency brain surgery. naturally, i was scared to death (still) and rushed back home to go be with him and my family. he’s had his operation and now he’s in recovery, but things still feel incredibly surreal and scary and im not rly sure how to handle it. even now im like... idk whatever. anyway 

my housemates emailed my professors on my behalf yesterday to tell them i’d be going home and wouldn’t be in class (because i was physically incapable of doing anything yesterday), but they were brief bc they really don’t need to know my business. 

now that my dad’s in recovery though, the adrenaline is starting to subside and im exhausted and like... weirdly scared idk whatever. anyway... i now have to email all of my professors and explain to them that i need extensions and wont be in class on monday either and i know school is my responsibility bc higher education and all... but it is so humiliating to have to ask for an extension on an exam and say that i can provide proof of the fact that i thought i was gonna lose my dad this weekend. like i was travelling all day yesterday and in the ICU with my dad all day today and i feel like i am incapable of doing anything else. 

and like... the fact that i will probably have to beg to not have my grades take a hit for this is fucking infuriating and humiliating because there is nothing i can do. even right now there is nothing i can do. i can’t focus. i can’t study. i can’t help my dad. like i have to choose between my academics and being with my dad and family during one of the hardest and scariest experiences in our lives. like the fact that im going to have to go in on tuesday and wednesday and be like “pleaaasee professors, don’t knock my grade down because i had to go home bc i thought my dad was gonna die, pleaaassee” is making me so upset and anxious. and it’s embarrassing to have to email the professors who specifically ask NOT to be told anything personal because like “family emergency” and “dad having emergency brain surgery” are not on the same level to me, but i have to do it that way anyway... idk i get why they do it but at the same time like what is okay to say and not okay so that the gravity of the situation can be understood... (i said ‘incredibly emergent situation regarding my immediate family). 

i also feel so GUILTY about missing classes. i feel so GUILTY about it but i need to be here because i would rather be overreacting and have everything turn out okay than under react and regret it later. and i KNOW that it’s a valid reason and excuse... i KNOW that... but like im so wired to believe that it’s work/school < everything else.. that i feel so guilty and that ive somehow made this whole thing up as an excuse to slack off (even though i KNOW how emergent the situation is). whatever im just stressed and sad idk. 

whatever it’s just been a really awful past few days and im so tired and have only just now had a moment to sit with the feeling of my academics continuing on even while my family is dealing with this. whatever im just weird right now.

[peaceandlove26]

everything is funny & i love being alive

[temeyes]

brotherly embrace

[whats-this-mustelid]

This is BARELY related to this blog but I just saw a post in a local fb group from someone who hired a pet setter, and while they were out of the country she intentionally let their indoor cat out, didn't tell them when it went missing, and then when they found out and confronted her she argued that keeping their cat indoors was cruel. I am filled with homicidal rage.

The cat was last seen three days ago please send good vibes

Edit: the cat is home safe, and back indoors!

[magigalxx]

I can practically feel myself going into burnout.

[spyfoxindrycereal]

john

[lazylittledragon]

i am once again thinking about how karlach is doomed the second she leaves avernus. she finally escapes the hells after a decade and gets a tadpole put in her head that will inevitably kill her. she gets out of the nautiloid and there's a warlock hunting her down. wyll doesn't kill her but there are still people looking for her. even when they're gone and she's finally free, SURPRISE there's a cult trying to destroy the world. and if she makes it through against all odds and kills a god and saves her home, her own body burns up and destroys her unless she returns to her prison. she's dead if she stays and dead if she leaves. i'm eating bricks

[femmepire-butchbiter]

I'm starting to understand why many lesbians, but ESPECIALLY black lesbians are just straight up mean. If I have to hear another gaggle of people try to redefine stud/stem again, somebody is catching a femme-coded fist to their solar plexus. Like, tighten tf up.

[seagiri]

bottled up feelings

[b0tster]

whoda thought having to throw out an entire game story and writing a new one for an already finished game at the 11th hour and 59th minute would be hard lmfao

[itty-bitty-sunshine]

I love dca comfort as much as the next guy but also there's something so funny abt the idea of Sun being such a stressed mess that he can't even do that. He's just like yeah you and me both pal. Up up we got shit to do cmon

[sad-leon]

theres a metaphor in here somewhere

[cold--carnage]

in my own words

[volkolak]

DISINHIBITED

[cabi-leodrann]

That's a big boy right here. Vent post I did a while ago, finally felt the courage to post it I hope it'll reach the people who needed to read this.