#this is a very general and short response but i think it holds the key ideas

[fluffypotatey]

Did merlin turned darker and more morally corrupt as the seasons progressed? (This isn't part of the game, I haven't watched the whole show but my mom does so I know a bit, and sometimes it really seems merlin is the #1 enemy of magic as long as Arthur is safe and happy)

yea and no????

like he does get more apathetic with killing people (as in, he isn’t as conflicted about it because his end goal is keeping Arthur alive) and he does have a hand in sabotaging events that could have helped with magic being seen as good (however, it’s not his intention). a lot of the time he feels that he doesn’t have a choice because if he were to choose between magic and Arthur, Merlin will choose Arthur

he did it in 2x08 (I may disagree with the writers’ choice here but the point still stands), he did in 4x02 choosing to sacrifice himself in Arthur’s place, and he did it in 5x05 choosing Arthur’s life again despite knowing that risked Mordred’s own life and the future of magic in Camelot

I wouldn’t call him corrupt and darker in a villainess sense but rather corrupt and darker in a sense where he has spent 10 years being told Arthur was destined to bring the Golden Age of Magic and he was meant to protect him, but then he got too attached to Arthur and no longer cared for the goal everyone set for him. He had a new goal by s4 which was keep Arthur alive despite everything

[towriteloveontheirarms]

Alicent has got it going on (modern!Alicent x younger!Reader)

synopsis: You go out for a night of fun with your friends, but while you are at the bar, the object of your desire is somewhere entirely else.

warnings: age gap (reader is of age), flirting, dirty talk & smut adjacent, afab reader

word count: 2.1k

taglist: @hopelesswritergall @urmomsgirlfriend1

(If you want to be tagged for a specific character/fandom or in general let me know in my asks, comments or DMs)

Dividers by @firefly-graphics

Even after countless years of being friends with Helaena, to a point where the two of you would call each other sisters, it still feels weird to just walk into the house that your mom had to drive you to almost every day for years when you were a kid. Times had changed. You grew up and so you could make your own way to the villa and enter through the front door with a key that Helaena had gifted you some years back when the two of you entered college.

Upon entering you hear a voice in the living room which, when further investigating, you find out to be Alicent´s. Currently arguing with someone on the phone. Once she sees you, she holds the phone away from her ear and hangs up.

“Oh, I didn´t see you there.” She greets you with a rare, genuine smile.

"Sorry. I didn't realise you were on a call. I just wanted to say hi." You greet your best friend's mother. You have always found Alicent to be absolutely stunning and so you can´t hide a small blush heating up your cheeks as you give her a small wave.

Alicent turns her full attention towards you at the sound of your voice. She knew you had grown up but hadn’t seen you in quite a while. “Hello, dear. How are you?” Her eyebrows raise, awaiting your answer, not even mentioning the call.

“I've been holding up just fine. How about you? Helaena has told me you're working a lot these days." You give the older woman a small smile in return.

"Yes, dear. It's been non-stop, but that´s business." At her words you remember that she had taken over leading the firm in her husband´s stead only a short while ago when Helaena´s father became too sick to continue to do so indefinitely.

Throughout all this time, she doesn´t take her eyes off you for a single second. Those beautiful, big, brown eyes that seemed to shimmer every time you saw her in spite of or maybe because of the stress she was put under. In the end she wasn´t that much older than you. That thought gets your cheeks to burn a little brighter.

“I hope you remember to take breaks too. The company can be glad to finally be led by someone competent, but it would be a shame to see you work yourself into a burnout or something.” You shuffle your feet on the ground, making her even more aware of your painfully awkward attraction towards her.

"I'm sure I'll be fine. I've become quite used to it. Thank you for your concerns though, dear. That is very sweet.” Alicent says confidently, her tone is filled with pride and she takes your hand to let you feel her gratitude for your expression of concern.

The second the older woman´s skin touches yours, has your brain screaming so loud that you are scared anyone would be able to hear. "You know, if you ever do want a break, you should come out to our bar or something. If you don't think going out with your daughter's friend is weird or something. You would be surprised what an evening out can bring about."

The words let not only her eyes widen and eyebrows shoot up for a second, but your own as well.

Suddenly the air in the room is noticeably thicker. You feel like you don´t get enough of it into your lungs, making your head spin like a carousel and the way the older woman’s hand squeezes yours only throws you off the rails even more.

Before you know it, her hand lets go of yours, not giving any time for disappointment to settle, as they instantly settle on your waist, with her thumbs brushing over your ribs just below the swell of your breasts. In response to her pulling you closer, your hands go to tightly hold her by the waste rubbing tight circles into the soft, by lavish silk covered flesh.

Hesitantly your faces moved closer bit by bit. It felt right to be so close to her, to feel her auburn curls brush against your cheeks and make almost a curtain to shut out the rest of the world. Your noses rub against each other from the proximity and little fireworks tingle over your lips. The moment feels so magical.

The horn of Baela´s car being pressed down continuously, to alert approximately the entire neighbourhood and the muffled screams of the young woman to go along with it pull the two of you back to reality against your will.

“I have to go…” You whisper, basking in the energy of the moment a bit longer. Wishing you could stay there with Alicent for even just one more moment. A wish that is reciprocated by her. You are hyper aware of your hands that rest against her waist to keep her perfect body close when Alicent pulls away from you. And though they have never touched to begin with, your lips chase hers for a second and a whimper leaves your lungs.

"You are perfect." You whisper breathlessly when your eyes flutter back open.

Those moments with Alicent stay in your mind's forefront the entire time you sit beside your friends in the cinema. Thinking about the almost kiss rather than paying attention to whatever movie Helaena and Baela had decided on.

The three of you head to a bar afterwards to meet up with a few more friends. Each of you getting enough drinks to ensure everyone was a good bit more than just lightly buzzed. In your inebriated state you remember you still had Alicent´s number saved from something or another a few months ago. So without thinking you reach into your purse to pull out your phone to send the woman a short message. "I can't get you out of my mind. Your hands felt like pure heaven."

Normally you would have spent the time until the device pinged with a response biting at your nails to relief the nervous energy that would course through your system, but it doesn´t happen. The earlier interaction had made you feel quite confident in the attraction being requited. At the same time, back at the Targaryen-Hightower home Alicent smirked at the message as her body began tingling anew. "I miss touching you. Your body is just so irresistible." She replied, leaning back in her chair as she waited for her phone to vibrate again. If anyone would see her right now, they would probably say she looks like a giddy schoolgirl. And you didn´t look much better. Biting your lip to keep yourself from kicking your feet at the warm giddiness that spread through your body with every answer you received from her.

"Gods, I wish I could be with you right this second so I could taste your skin and worship you just the way you deserve." One of your friends that keeps you company while the others go to get more drinks eyes you suspiciously, but luckily says nothing. Counting myself lucky in that I put my phone away and try to concentrate on the conversation at hand, but feeling it vibrate once more pulls your thoughts right back to Alicent. "And what exactly would this worship entail?" Reads the message, making your mind reel and run wild with everything you wanted to do to her.

"It would entail me kissing all over your body and feeling you all over. Tracing your skin with my tongue up your thighs to your most sensitive spot and then I would spend my time between your thighs until your throat would be sore from screaming my name." You can feel your breath become shallow already even though there was no ending to the evening in sight yet and there was no chance to leave early either, but no matter how much you told yourself to calm down it is to no use. The arousal that pools between your legs and sticks your panties to your core at the thought of the older woman won´t let up. It takes longer for another answer to roll in this time, due to Alicent willing her reddened cheeks and racing heart to calm down in order to think clearly again. Only then she finds an appropriate response to type out and send with lightly trembling fingers. “You sure know how to make me feel things, don’t you?”

Despite willing herself to calm down, Alicent's body became flushed. Her breath hitched at the vivid description, and her body became flooded with a rush of pure heat. She couldn’t believe someone could speak so filthy. Her jaw hung open with a dumb expression as she read the message over and over again.

“It´s only what you deserve. You work so hard; you deserve to feel good every once in a while.” You respond almost instantly. Barely making it in time to hide the screen again as Helaena looks over your shoulder.

“The youth and their phones….” She clicks her tongue but breaks out in a giggle not even a few seconds after. “Who has you smiling like this?”

Judging by the redness spread over all over her face she is far more affected by the alcohol than the rest of you. Then again, she always was the one worst at handling her booze. Conveniently this gave you the perfect topic change.

“Maybe you should drink some water before you get another round.” You snicker at her antics.

“I´m fine, mom.” She chanted exaggeratedly, though even the sentiment can´t ruin her mood.

So, you shrug it of and decide that keeping an eye on her would be all you can do. A smart choice, as the night soon gets cut short, by her getting a little too hyper. Leading to Baela dropping you off at the house, before getting herself back to Driftmark. Bless the seven that the Velaryon stayed sober and thus could help you to basically carry her all the way from the car to her room as to not make a major commotion and wake everyone else up. Unfortunately, it is a whole different story to get her to sleep. A seemingly impossible task throughout which you have to remind yourself how much you loved your best friend repeatedly.

Once Helaena is sound asleep naturally you are wide awake. Tossing, turning and scrolling through your phone in a now much more sober state. Then you remember the texts you had sent to Alicent earlier and with your friend fast asleep, you sneak out of her room and down the hall to Alicent's. Opening and closing the door as quietly as possible, you find the woman splayed out in her bed. Clad in a short, dark green satin nightdress and illuminated by the moonlight streaming through the window. The cool light makes her look even more gorgeous than the sunlight earlier, though you thought that wasn't possible. Her breasts rise and fall in deep, even breaths. It´s a sight for the gods. On your tiptoes you make your way over to the bed. Feeling the soft mattress dip underneath your weight, as you lean over her unsuspecting form. For a second you doubt what you are about to do, but when the Hightower woman shifts in her unconscious state to expose her neck more and her soft lips part for a sigh to escape, you´re done for.

Your own lips part and your head lowers to press a wet kiss to her neck. Then another and another as Alicent shifts and writhes beneath, before finally waking up with a gasp of your name.

“Shhh, yes it´s me.” You whisper to her to signal to stay quiet.

She blinks the sleep from her eyes with rapid movements and threads her fingers into your hair. “Don´t stop, please…”

She begs in a breathy, irresistible voice and who were you to deny her. With a brush of the fingers, you put a strand of auburn curls behind her ear, triggering a full body shiver when your nails scrape along the sensitive skin.

“I won´t. I promise.” You vow in return and seal it by sealing her lips with your in the kiss that should have happened hours ago. Followed by so much more that, if titled the best night of your life, would still be an understatement. Having her thighs tremble on the sides of your head as she tried to keep her body away from resting fully on your head, no matter how often you tried to nudge her down by the hips. Satisfied couldn´t even begin to capture the air around you as you lay beside each other, tightly entangled, bathed in the light of the rising sun and on the brink of sleep.

[sanjisblackasswife]

DON'T tell me you too hc Shanks as the shameless pervert??!! Like the type that's very comfortable with sex and very experienced DILF lmao 😭

Corruption kink?? I thought it was obvious 🙄

That guy could talk about the nastiest kink the same way he talks about the groceries 😩 "...and then she nearly passed out! Haha, I think it's cuz she had all her holes-" "SHANKS-!! OMG- YOU CAN'T JUST SAY THAT-!!" but you low-key love it when he does

😭😭😩😩

A/N: YKW…. if you don’t mind imma use your amazing response to blast Shanks kinks because why not Ahahah

Shanks Kinks/What Turns Him On (NSFW)

Black Fem Reader in Mind

CW: KINKS, It’s Pretty Short General List, I Believe He Has More, But These Scream “Shanks”💀

Kinks:

Corruption Kink: He will swear up and down that he doesn’t have one of you tell him, corruption? Absolutely not he loves women he would never—

Shanks loves seeing a pretty innocent thing like yourself not having a clue in the world how to please a man. He can get off on the thought alone of how embarrassed you’d be learning about taking his cock and not knowing how to handle it and so after one night of partying and charming he starts you off by having you face the mirror in his room, air making your nipples erect and naked on his clothed lap. “There you go…ah ah keep looking in the mirror for me.” He guides your hand to rub your clit teaching you how to touch yourself, “It’s okay you can cum…” You whine and grind your hips on his and your own hand. It won’t be long until he shows you how to properly use your mouth. Knowing he took something so important and sacred is a form of ownership that he gets riled up of feeling.

Exhibitionism: Shanks has little to any care about the consequences of ignorant decisions. He could care less.

He totally doesn’t mind a show as long as said person doesn’t get too close. There are plenty of times Shanks didn’t have time to take a woman back to the ship or the hotel and just did a quickie in a bar hallway or an alleyway. Ironically he still haven’t been caught.

Dirty Talk: If he is feeling sweet he will describe what he is going to do to you, but if he is feeling like a little brat he won’t be above making you describe to him what you want him to do—

“Yeah? And then what?” You’ve been on the edge for what seems hours with his fingers and tongue switching places in your aching cunt. Your legs were embarrassingly spread open because he tied them up at the end of the bed posts. He constantly swirlied the tip of his wet muscle on your clit, driving you mad, you could have just grabbed his head to shove his entire mouth inside you, but you knew better than to disobey Shanks. “Then….I—ah! Want you…” “Want me to what, darling? Hold you? Feed you?—“ “Fuck me, Shanks! I want you to fuck me with you cock please!!”

Breeding: I mean is this even—-hello..he’s a certified dilf.

Ironically he does try to practice safe sex when he used to screw random women on the grand line, but Shanks has no problem with fucking the woman he loves raw. When he is close your body is pulled in even closer, he’ll be damned if any of his seed is wasted. His arm pushes your pelvis higher into his, this is usually when he starts to make more noise grunts and cursing in your ear. He wants you to cum with him because the feeling of how you clench still sucking him and his cum in makes his mind go numb. Sometimes if any does drip out he’ll scoop it and finger it back in you regardless of the painful overstimulation. Because he hates to waste.

What Turns Him On:

Walking around naked: I mean it’s pretty obvious pretty much any man loves to see their woman naked, but when he is greeted with you in nothing, but your ass as you bend over the bed to grab something, he won’t think twice to fuck you right there with his cock out of his pants, too eager to get completely nude.

Teasing Him: He is the master at making you flustered. Even though it’s damn near impossible to make him blush even when he’s drunk, It’s just something about when you feel bold enough to say something back at him or even whisper in his ear how badly you need him that really perks up an honest smile and an honest hard on.

The Way You Moan His Name: He cannot get enough of it. It’s so soft, and breathless sometimes while he is in missionary with you he will groan in your ear “Say my name.” Repeatedly Sometimes you can use it to tease him in public to rile him up. Fair warning though, if he is in a slightly annoyed mood you’ll pay for it later.

[noaltbruh]

Hello! Can I request bucci gang with fem s/o who had a military background? She's stern, disciplined, can bark out orders and be your biggest life coach like it's nothing, her raw physical power is inhumane to the point she rarely use her stand, overall just give you military general vibe. But later when the mc and one of the members starts dating, she shows her sentimental side and surprisingly a kinda awkward simp lmao

That's it I hope you have a good day💖

Oh! This request was quite original for sure 😄 But it was fun writing it! And thank you for asking me to write stuff or I'd basically be playing Octopath 2 during all my free time-

Bucci gang with a S/O with a military background

Giorno 🐞

Needless to say, Giorno really respects you not only as a person, but also as a precious ally and colleague.

He thinks highly of you since you're so stern and disciplined, he knows he can rely on you when there's something he cannot handle on his own.

He sometimes comes to you for advice, he just feels like he can trust your judgement.

Okay, can I just say he's a bit startled by how...Aggressively encouraging you are? He thinks it's pretty fun, but he must admit he's very impressed by just how energetic you can be, mixed with your firm behavior as well.

He will never, ever say it out loud...But this boy is a bit intimidated by your physical power to be honest. Okay, he's pretty muscular, but he's not nearly as strong as you are.

He knows this fear is dumb since his stand easily makes up for it, but he can't help it and it embarrasses him greatly. With that being said, he still looks up to you for the effort you put into maintaining such physical conditions.

Of course, seeing your personality shift when you got into a relationship surprised him at first glance, but thinking about it, he can't say he couldn't have seen it coming.

After all, you just HAD to be hiding something more to you behind your military façade. He knows it well since he's the first to mask himself.

He doesn't hesitate to take advantage of this other part of you though. He'll try his absolute hardest to cluster and make you away as soon as he realizes how awkward you actually are.

He'll actually call you cute quite often and probably giggle seeing you all embarrassed, but he never holds malicious intentions whatsoever. He simply thinks you're adorable.

He warmly welcomes your romantic side too, being quite romantic himself, although it may not be very clear at first glance. He'll reserve fancy dinners, grow flowers and buy you the most beautiful roses as a way to keep up with your lovely antics, he can't afford to fall short.

Bruno 🤐

Bruno's brain is low-key trying to process your existence, since you're so different from the rest of his team-

That doesn't mean he does not appreciate you, he really does! It's just... He'd always been used to be the one who gives orders and supports his men, not the other way around.

So, seeing you do what is usually his responsibility and duty highly catches him off guard, but he's quite thrilled by it at the same time, which is what first causes him to developed this of admiration for you.

But be prepared for him to still encourage and guide you whenever he gets the chance to. He thinks it's a good way to indirectly tell you that you're allowed to rely on others too sometimes and you don't always have to be strong.

With that being said, he thinks very highly of you because of your sterness and discipline, you get stuff done when it's necessary and he doesn't hesitate to praise you if you did a good job...Which is pretty much always.

He may even give you some of the hardest jobs, but never too much to overwhelm you. He knows you have limits like everyone else and respects them.

While he does think that your raw strength is impressive, he'll also push you to use your stand more and train to fight with it too.

It's not that he doesn't think you're powerful, but some situations just HAVE to be handled through stands, you can't risk.

He's obviously taken aback by your sudden change, you're just so different from the person he had grown accustomed to. Even so, he must say he's quite happy about this too. After all, it is truly a sign that you're willing to let your guard down around him and be yourself more.

Although he did not expect you to simp and get all bashful as soon as he started to court you...

...And most of all, to court him back as soon as you got the hang of it. It does highly pleas him though, it's really nice to know that good ol' romanticism still exists outside of him.

All these different aspects to your personality only stimulate his curiosity towards you, he truly think you're a unique one and he won't rest until he gets to see everything you have to offer.

Mista 🔫

Nah buddy you don't understand how cool Mista thinks you are.

Honestly he's just astounded by your physical strength, he didn't even think someone could possibly be that ripped to the point where's you wouldn't even have to use your powers.

You low-key scare him, but there's no way in hell he's going to admit that. He also wants to be stoped and crushed by you, but he won't be saying that either.

The pistols love to be around you because of your whole vibe, but number five in particular likes you a lot because he feels safe in your presence and knows the others won't mess with him if you're there.

He's a fan of your praises and hype, he's sperate vero confident, bug having someone else's supports always feels good, doesn't it.

Probably didn't follow your orders at first and thought you were just joking around, then he saw your killer look and went "shit", before immediately doing what you told him-

Despite the respect he has for you, he can't help but think that you worry way too much about stuff and you need to learn how to relax a bit.

Because of this, he'll goof around and make jokes even more when you're near him than usual. He wants to help you to let loose a bit and become more chill.

Honestly, he thinks it's thanks to him that you changed so much once you got together lol.

Once he realizes you're just a huge simp, he'll look for all sorts of ways to embarrass and fluster you, it basically becomes one of his favorite hobbies. If he went too far, you might have to punch him to make him stop, not that he'd mind tho.

Mista's not a very romantic person, but that doesn't mean he can't appreciate your own romantic side. The fancy dates, all those sweet words and moments are surely quite different from most relationships Mista's ever had, but that's also why he likes them. They're a new territory, and he's all in for that.

Narancia 🍊

Mommy? SORRY-...Mommy?

You can't tell me this isn't true. You think you're a simp? You've got Narancia on his knees simply by existing.

Literally, just say the word and he'll come running for your, hanging from your finger, following whatever order you may give him and completing him exactly like you told him to.

Please, support him and encourage him whenever he gets stuff done right. This boy lives for your approval and hearing you give him advice or tell him he did a good job will make him 10 times more motivated to get anything done.

He's a bit insecure about himself, so knowing you think positively of him reassures him a lot.

Speaking of which, he knows he's safe in your presence, and it's a great source of comfort for him.

Honestly, he thinks your whole super stern and collected behavior is super badass, he loves how you can keep your cool even in tough situations and you never seem to snap like he does. He just wants to be like you sooo badly!

You gotta stop his jaw from falling to the ground when he sees you beat the hell out of an enemy. After staring at you in awe for a second, he'll remember he needs to help you fight and will gladly join in kicking the dude to death.

With that being said, he'll spend the entre nighr staring at the ceiling and thinking about awesome you looked-

In case you haven't noticed, he'd quite muscular himself, he wants to train with you too! His dream is to become as powerful as you are, but if he can't, just training knowing you're by side, and showing off he can also be strong is enough for him.

Okay, when your personality begins to shift, Orange boy is so lost. It's not that he doesn't like you anymore of anything, he's just...Confused. You're so different from the Y/N he's used to.

With that being said though, he quickly gets used to this change, and he's all in for that! Honestly, the fact that you sometimes come off as a bit awkward just makes it easier for him to empathize with your feelings, since he'd most definitely be very nervous around you out of pure embarrassment during your first conversations.

But he takes your simping deep admiration for him as a way to show off to you! He's gonna prove he's just as badass as you are, he wants to leave you speechless and will give everything he has to impress you, no holding back!

This boy is 100% a hopeless romantic, although he's bad at putting his lovely dovey ideas into practise, mostly because he's very clumsy and he'd probably set the kitchen on fire trying to make a nice candlelight dinner-

Because of this, knowing you're alike when it comes to romanticism reassures him. He knows that even if he messes up sometimes, you'll still always appreciate his effort and the energy he puts in his sweet gestures for you.

Moreover, no matter what you may do or organize with Nari, like watching the moon together or dedicating a song to him, he'll cherish it forever and ever in his heart. Every romantic moment you two share become a core memory that he's constantly going to think back to and smile without even realizing it.

He'll always love you, no matter what side of yourself you may be showing :)♡

Fugo 🍓

My friend, Fugo's afraid of you-

Have you seen this guy? He feels like a wimp compared to you, he's genuinely afraid you're just gonna take him and rip his bones in half.

When he does start to realize that you'd never do that, however, he begins to feel...Relived by your presence, in a sense. You just seem like someone he can rely on, which puts him at ease.

Also, you're one of the few people in the house who aren't constantly annoying or trying to piss him off. You're serious and he knows he can have a mildly intelligent conversation with you.

You're a good partner on missions too. He respects the way you're so determined on upholding your duty and don't mess around, he's faithful that any enemy you may face is screwed as long as he's got you with him.

He understands why you'd prefer to rely on your physical force rather than your stand, he doesn't like using Purple Haze either. Even so, he does partially think that it's a bit of a waste not to put it in action, since yours doesn't put everything and everyone in danger as soon as it shows up.

Okay let's be honest, boy's probably got the physical strength of a little girl, unless he's angry.

Therefore, some advice or words of encouragement from you are always more than welcomed, they push him to better himself while still reminding him that he's already doing fine.

When you show him your more sentimental and awkward side, Fugo gets you so well. He may seem smart and all but he's an embarrassing simp himself.

So, you guys go together like two peas in a pod, you just feel very understood by the other and don't fear their judgment at all. You're both messes so you cancel your goofiness out.

Your romantic side is gonna get him so flustered. He blushes easily and has most likely never been in a relationship before, so this kind of...Ahem, behavior, makes him scream inside, but with joy for once.

He'll try to organize something romantic for you in return, and it'll be either the most well-crafted, prepared and unique date ever...Or a total disaster. Either way, his effort is admirable.

Abbacchio ⏪

I'm sorry but Abbacchio couldn't stand you at first.

Your whole behavior just reminds him too much of the person he used to be, and just looking at you feels like looking at himself in a broken mirror.

Tries to avoid you as much as he can, and when it's not possible, he's the rudest, meanest, coldest fucker around.

The two of you only started to get along after you either saved or was a huge help to him during a mission. He was taken aback by your raw sstrength, but literally all he did once this was over was calling you a moron for not using your stand.

Secretary, he thought it was the most badass scene he's ever assisted to in his life. No, he'll never say it directly, screw you.

Complains and claims that he isn't going to follow your orders, before doing exactly that. If you were to brought that up, he'll interrupt the conversation as soon as possible and simply tell you that he did it because he wanted to, not because you told him to or anything.

He acts annoyed everyone you encourage or hype him up, saying that he doesn't need your support, but from the way he always looks away and lacks his usual bitterness in his tone, you can tell that he secretly appreciates your efforts.

Slowly, very slowly, but surely, you begin to notice small shifts and changes in the way he treats you. He doesn't look at you with disgust, willingly follows your advice and overall feels more comfortable in your presence, even cracking a few smiles here and there.

You end up becoming a huge source of inspiration to him. He still sees a lot of the person he used to be whenever you're near him, yet he doesn't view it in a negative light anymore.

A small part of Abbacchio wants to go back to be the man with the string sense of justice he once used to be. You're a constant reminder that just because he made a mistake, that doesn't mean he can't make up for it or has to live stick in the past forever.

And just when he starts to respect you... You change too-

What the?- Is this really the Y/N he knows? The stern, serious one? The wise one? The responsible one?

Is he startled? Yes, yes absolutely. Then again, he HAS to admit to himself that you being in his life has led to him modifying his own behavior quite a lot, so he shouldn't be that surprised about you being different from your usual self as well.

He's not the best with your awkward or sensitive side, but he does what he can. He knows that emotional support is something he just has to give in a relationship, so he sucks it up and never makes you feel embarrassed for what you do or say.

He's most likely amused by your romantic nature and may think it's kinda cheesy, but he secretly loves it with all his heart, and wouldn't trade it for anything else.

Trish 🎙

Ok, Trish is a bit conflicted when it comes to you.

Like- she doesn't really have anything against you particularly. The thing is, she sort of has very split opinions concerning your behavior.

For example, she admires how stern and professional you are, how you seem to always have stuff under control and never be scared.

At the same time, however, the thinks that you sometimes take things way too seriously, you should learn to let loose a bit more and just enjoy life at it this.

Because of this, she tries to get you to break free from your shell and probably takes you dancing or shopping whenever she has the opportunity to.

Another example is that she loves when you act as her personal life coach. She's a very self-confident going lady and lives for praise...Especially from you, although don't expect her to tell you this often. You're always there to motivate her even on those rare occasions when she isn't feeling her best, she adores you for this.

BUT, she can't stand when you act all pushy and boss her around, she deposed being told what to do and there's a high chance she won't listen to you if she doesn't agree with you...At least during early times.

She'll become more willing to follow your advice if you're patient with her, but she'll always make it very clear that she doesn't think it's the best option.

No but like- the first time she saw you fight, her only thought was "Wtf?!"

She didn't think someone could possibly be as strong as you are, she just exchange concerns looks with Spice girl while encouraging you herself, even if you're already doing great.

"YAAAAS QUEEN SLAAAAY"

Honestly, she doesn't question your personality shift too much. She knows that'd how people are: the more you get to know them, the more you realise they're fundamentally different from what you actually thought of them.

And honestly, since she does also begin to show her softer side herself when you get together, knowing you won't think less of her for being open about her feelings truly makes her glad to have chosen you as her partner.

In return, no matter how awkward you can be, you can expect Trish to 100% support and be there for you at any given time. Although she will tease you for getting flustered if she got the chance to.

She lives for your romantic side, it's literally her ideal relationship coming true. Being courted and loved and feeling all special...God, she adores it.

Rambles to the others about your romantic gestures all the time and will hit in the face with her boot anyone who dares call you cheesy ^^

[sylvies-chen]

sweet nothing sleeping

summary: lucy has never been so happy to have fallen in love as she is when she’s falling asleep

pairing: tim bradford/lucy chen

word count: short??? i wrote this on notes app don’t ask me to count

warnings: none

a/n: this was written at *many* a 2am but it was my coping mechanism for the chenford breakup so there will be nothing but fluff and happiness here!! but also sorry in advance for any typos. written for my @morganupstead who gave me this idea ages ago and I just took forever to write it LOL

••• ••• ••• •••

cause they said the end is coming

everyone’s up to something

I find myself running home to your

sweet nothings

She’s had a long day.

The list of grievances wracked up in a single shift has been nothing short of astounding. For example: a man no less than an hour into her first stretch of patrol who puked on her. A bar fight gone horribly wrong, and he was drunk out of his mind so when she showed up at the tail end of a swift punch to the drunkard’s gut then… well, you can figure out the rest. Then another man threatened to sue her and the entire LAPD Mid Wilshire division because he refused to be told by a woman to stop ejaculating in public. Nothing but insufferable misdemeanours one after the other, without end. The robbery homicide tailing the end of her shift was the worst. Lucy doesn’t know what’s more horrible: how violent the young married couple’s death was, or how her first thought was that she wished she could have been the detective on a flashy case like this. Knowing she was even capable of putting her career before her compassion and duty left her gutted.

It leaves her now with a bitter aftertaste of guilt and shame. That coupled with the exhaustion and ridicule of her other calls makes for a particularly dreadful combination. Normally she can see Tim in passing and vent to him about things, but he’d been stuck in some new Metro training program all day. Updated protocol or tactical practice, or whatever they wanted to call it. Based on the state she sees Tim in at the end of one of those days, she’d call it something more akin to torture. It also means she had no support system throughout the day whatsoever apart from Nolan’s typical words of encouragement, which were swell but never substantive.

Since Tamara’s moved out, things have been lonely too. She misses her old roommate. If nothing else, at the end of the day Lucy still had a young and vulnerable kid she had to feed and house and clothe. Cooking for them always felt like a backup ritual, a healing sort of constancy, and that’s gone too.

So she heads to Tim’s. Her foot feels like lead on the gas, pushing down hard and inching dangerously closer to speeding the closer she gets to his place. It’s like her heart can feel the distance closing and misses him even more, the weight of her bad day crushing her heart and leaving spider fractures. A magnetic pull is always at its strongest the minute before contact, after all.

For the most part, Lucy’s been able to hold it together. She’s kept things professional, never complained, held her head high. And even as she trembles with anticipation as she knocks on the door, there’s a part of her refusing to let go of that facade.

She knocks at the door, but there’s no answer. Three louder knocks after a minute of waiting, and still nothing. Only after a third round of knocking does she think to use the spare key he’d given her last month.

“Hi,” Lucy calls out as she enters his place. No immediate response, but that’s no matter. She puts the keys down in his key bowl and hangs up her jacket.

The sound of nails skidding against the floor alert her only seconds in advance to Kojo’s presence. He runs up to her full speed but comes to a screeching halt when he reaches her. With his tail still waving fervently, he tries to sit down. (Tim’s trained him to understand that petting and general affection from guests is contingent upon his very handsome sitting.)

“Kojo! Hey there buddy,” she greets him with a soft laugh, like an old friend. Lucy knows by now, even having owned him once, to scratch him behind his ears. The gesture earns her a right good lick from chin to cheek on the left side of her face.

“Yeah, you’re a good boy, aren’t you? You’re a good boy,” she tells him as she keeps petting him. “Now where’s our Tim?”

She looks around half expecting Tim to appear in the hallway, but no sign of him is to be seen anywhere, save for the sound of his television from the next room. Football. Figures.

“Alright, Sir Kojo, King of the Canines,” she declares, patting him on the head and gently urging him forward by the collar, “let’s see what your dad’s watching.”

The two of them make their way to the family room to see what he’s up to. For a football game, Lucy’s already surprised that he isn’t shouting at the TV and jumping up and down like he normally does.

When she enters the room though, she doesn’t see him watching sports. Instead, she sees a passed-out Tim on the couch, snoring in his Rams jersey, remote loosely balanced in his hand. She tilts her head, curiously soaking in the scene.

She should have expected this. He’s been working as hard as she has lately. Though she isn’t entirely sure as to why, he’s been taking on extra shifts and doing double overtime these past two weeks. God knows he didn’t have the steam for a full game of football. Tack on her unexpected company, and she’s sure she’ll tire him out even more.

But the look of him. The television emits a soft glow that flashes hues of green and blue across his stubbled cheekbones. His head hangs back completely crooked on the headrest, and with the positioning of his arms, Tim’s posed like a dramatic renaissance painting. She can’t help but let out a soft giggle under her breath, and then silences into the brightest of smiles she can give after a day like hers, because nothing about this is funny anymore.

Even drooling, his mere presence soothes her. Lying there, entirely disarmed and peaceful. The world and all its troubles just melt away, dissolve in her mind until only a faint trace of what remains lingers like dust. It’s a beautiful haze Lucy can get stuck in, just standing there and watching him. The tight corners of his mouth, his eyes shut gently, the curve of his neck, the way his hair’s a little shorter right now.

Oh hell. Who is she to disrupt him anyways.

She tiptoes over to the couch and carefully extracts the remote from his hand. Turning the television off to avoid more light and sound will definitely help him sleep. Whether Tim’s asleep or awake, it doesn’t matter. Lucy always sleeps better when she’s next to him.

What doesn’t help Tim sleep, apparently, is Kojo. Having followed Lucy into the room, though she will defend him ferociously and say his heart is in the right place, Kojo makes a beeline for the couch and starts pulling at Tim’s jeans with his sharp canine teeth.

“No! No, Kojo! Bad Kojo, stay back,” she pleads in a whisper pushed out through gritted teeth.

Kojo seems to only get more excited— a sort of escalation which Lucy saw all too frequently in her calls from today. Tim jolts awake almost immediately.

“What the-“ he sits up and pulls his jeans away from Kojo, but then looks up at Lucy, still hovering over him guilty as ever. “Lucy?”

“Sorry.” She winces, finally shooing Kojo away enough to give them more space. “I didn’t mean to wake you. I was trying to put a blanket over you but Kojo got excited.”

“It’s okay,” he assures her, though he’s still rubbing at his eyes. Lucy’s almost certain he’s still half asleep and hasn’t registered the whole situation before him. “I gave you a key for a reason. What are you doing here?”

“I…” She tries to explain it rationally to him, to go through each bad happening chronologically, to compartmentalize. But then, his voice. His sweet, low, milky, humming voice like the pulse of a heart being soothed into a slower rhythm. It’s so steady, so calm. Something about hearing it unlocks a valve within her. She cracks, as she knew she would when she decided to come, and before she knows it she’s crying.

“Hey, hey,” Tim hushes gently, immediately sitting up. “What’s wrong? What happened?”

“Oh nothing,” she sobs. “I just had a crappy day. I got puked on and yelled at and all this nonsense which I can normally handle but I don’t even know why I’m… why I’m…”

“Don’t question it too much,” he tells her. “Just let it out.”

“Okay.”

And so she does. For a little bit, she just cries. Surprisingly, it’s not sad. The world isn’t ending, nothing is going to go wrong. There is no other shoe about to drop, no real heartbreak, no evil around. These tears are but a release, and there’s a safety to them.

Once she’s done, she wipes at her tears with her sleeves and sniffles.

“Better?”

“Better,” she says, and can really mean it, genuine smile and all. “Thanks.”

“You never have to thank me.”

She nods, but switches the subject. “You never told me how you’re Metro seminar went today.”

“Eh, it was alright,” he says. “Apart from being exhausted and sore all over, of course. We’ve got some new recruits who are… eager.”

She looks at him with loving suspicion. “You went full Tim 1.0 on them, didn’t you?”

“Yes,” he admits with a big huff of relief. “I ran through the drills and protocol updates 36 times because they couldn’t get it right. I didn’t have the heart to just demote them from my team.”

“Tim Bradford not having the heart for a tough love moment? Who are you?” She teases. “Where was this energy 6 years ago?”

“Waiting for you to come along and change it, I guess,” he sighs wistfully. “Always just waiting for you.”

“You’ve gone soft, Sergeant Bradford.” She shakes her head. “People will talk.”

“Let them.”

He pulls her in for a kiss, and it only deepens for a moment, then plateauing into a pleasant and chaste hum before release. His arms pull her into his side and her head finds that perfect spot on his chest to nestle into.

The sigh she lets out is almost a song. “This feels good, being here with you. Feeling at peace.”

“Just wait for it.”

“Huh?”

Lucy doesn’t know how Tim saw this coming, but before even asking she’s given an answer. Kojo jumps up onto the couch and steps on Lucy’s lap to lick her and Tim all over their tired, sweaty faces.

“Argh! Kojo, off!” She squeals, though not so gravely that she can’t laugh in the process. Eventually, with enough shooing, Kojo calms down. He doesn’t leave the couch, but lies down next to them, choosing to rest his head on her lap and make happy little sighs.

“Told you.”

“How did you know he would do that?”

Tim shrugs. “He’s happier when you’re around. Like me.”

Lucy smiles, even when pushing Kojo off of them. “I love you.”

Tim doesn’t respond. Too much time passes. A beat, and then another. She gets worried.

“Tim?”

“Oh so you weren’t talking to the dog then?”

She giggles and smacks him playfully across the chest with the back of her hand. “No! Well I do love him, but he drools. And you’re—“

“Human?”

“The love of my life.”

She watches the ripple of those words dance across his face. Tim smiles, his cheeks turning all shades of pink and red. Though he doesn’t seem scared off by her comment, the surprise of it still shows in his raised eyebrows and subsequent lines in his forehead. The way his head tilts, like he can’t quite believe it. But, above all else, the love in his eyes. And that way he’s looking at her now… sometimes she thinks that’s what life’s all about.

“I know I don’t have to be yours,” she continues. “You know, having been married before and all, but—“

“Don’t think for a second you aren’t,” he lets out, almost like the words couldn’t contain themselves. “You are.”

“Good.” Her turn now: the ridiculous blushing, the smile, the love in her eyes. So much joy.

So much fatigue too though. Being around him, getting to decompress like this, it’s making her crash fast. She yawns, and Tim yawns in subconscious response, and out of his own fatigue.

“I should get going,” Lucy tells him, though her face is still nestled into his sweater and has no intention of leaving. “I really only came over to feel some comfort and decompress but I didn’t bring a change of clothes or anything.”

“Mmm,” he groans in disapproval of the idea. “Stay for a bit.”

“No. No, I’ve… gotta…” She sucks in a deep breath, Tim’s woody scent catching onto her nose. Her eyes flutter and her muscles start to release their tension as the hand which isn’t sprawled across Tim’s chest starts to massage the spot behind Kojo’s ear.

“Oh, maybe just a few minutes…” she tells him hesitantly. “But keep me talking, I don’t want to fall asleep.”

“Ok. What about the rest of your day? You never finished telling me all the things that had you so upset.”

“Well it started when the air conditioning in the shop nearly exploded on me, and then I immediately took my first call at this dive bar before I could get it fixed. But oh, you won’t believe what this one guy did…”

Lucy goes on and on, her eyes growing heavy and her voice growing layers of drowsy rasp, fighting sleep to tell all her stories of woe. The drunkards, the sexist pigs, the violence. Part of her registers Tim’s lack of response or reaction as she tells her stories. Time passes. She talks, and he listens.

“I think it’s better not to dwell on it though,” she concludes eventually. “I’ve felt all I can feel about it for one day. And anyways I… I can barely remember my own anguish now. It feels so far aw—“

She looks up to see him passed out, his breathing a low rumble that threatens snoring. The soft fur under her other hand feels alarmingly still as well, until she looks to the other side and sees Kojo sleeping on her lap.

So much for leaving. She supposes that’s exactly how she wants things anyway. The heartbeats of these two precious boys at the tips of her fingers, nestled right next to hers. Giving her strength, steadying her scattered mind. Under these dim lights and warm blankets and beloved company, she wouldn’t dare move a muscle.

“Oh hell, who was I kidding,” she whispers to him. “I was always going to end up here anyways. With you.”

She rests her head on his chest once more. The last thing she remembers is the rise and fall of Tim’s chest against her hand and the feel of Kojo’s soft fur against her other.

This isn’t a big moment. No fireworks, no heartfelt confessions, no twirls or kisses in the rain. But even as the day ends and the lights go out, she feels love where it dwells best: in a quiet room. And it remains that Lucy has never been so happy to have fallen in love as she is when she’s falling asleep.

[hirocimacruiser]

What are old cars like to drive now?

Mazda Familia 3 door full time 4WD1600DOHC turbo review.

The second generation FF Familia tends to be overshadowed by the success of the first FF Familia. The Familia underwent a Key Concept model change in 1985, and the sports version of the 1.6 (twin cam turbo + full-time 4WD) became popular. Yasushi Shimono drove to Osaka for the later model after minor changes.

Text | Yasushi Shimono Photos Chihiro Abe

The other day, I rented a Familia car in Takamatsu, Shikoku. If you see Nippon Rent-a-Car, Toyota Rent-a-Car, and Nissan Rent-A-Car lined up at the counter in the airport lobby, if you're a car fan, you should probably rent a Mazda Rent-A-Car at this time of year.

It's a personal choice, but the Familia 1500AT I rented was actually very nice. The engine and suspension have the solid feel of a German car, and it feels great. Even though I've already driven over 20,000km, I can barely see any wear and tear.

During my summer vacation two years ago, I took a Familia rental car at the station in Tsuruoka, Yamagata Prefecture, and it was a great ride, and my family was happy with it.

For test drives, members of the media always ride in the manufacturer's so-called PR vehicles.

However, when they later try the same car in a rental car, they are often disappointed to varying degrees. I don't have the space to write about the reasons in detail here, but Familia is an extremely rare example of people rediscovering their charm through rental cars. It feels like a very seriously made car.

I am holding this.

FULLY MASCULINE NOUN CAR

In downtown Osaka, I was given a ride on a nostalgic Familia. 1988 model 3 door twin cam turbo 4W.D. It is a full-time 4WD high-performance model that was part of the second-generation FF Familia series that debuted in 1985.

I splurged on expensive 200,000 yen 0Z racing aluminum wheels for the car I bought this spring. There is a bright red mudflap in the wheel arches.

The guard hangs down. The hobby of the owner, Mr. M (35 years old), who really wants to drive a Lancia Delta Integrale, seems to be depicted on the outside.

The inside can also be customized.

It is. The front seats are BRIDE bucket seats. The handle is MOMO's Prototipo. At the tip of the shift lever is a plastic shift knob that looks like a white ball.

The main body of the 1.6LDOHC turbo engine has not been modified, but the muffler and air cleaner have been replaced with "HKS''. The suspension also uses Mazda genuine sports springs combined with GAB dampers. I'm not Kiyoshi Nishikawa, but I get the strong impression that he was trying to do things one by one, starting with what he could do. Mr. M, who works as a tire wholesaler, is a pleasant young man. It is the year of the year. When I pushed in the tape whose head was peeking out from the set, it played Mr. Children, which doesn't really suit Osaka (?).

However, once it started running, the Familia Integrale was a much more radical car than the standard.

First of all, the suspension is much harder than you might imagine from the specs. The ride quality is almost that of a competition vehicle, reacting honestly to the bumps and undulations of the road surface and transmitting short, jerky vibrations.

I didn't think it was power steering at first either. I slowly turned the steering wheel to turn off the engine and realized for the first time that it had power assist. That's how responsive it is. Basically, the normal engine is so energetic that it's hard to believe. Power is already 140 yen on NET display. However, it is more powerful than the face value, and at the signal Grand Prix the acceleration of all four wheels is like that of a rabbit.

I'll show you.

Even though it is a turbo, it starts to crash immediately after idling.

Delivers comfortable torque. The response in the low rotation range is also not bad. Tachometer red zone from 7000rpm. However, the latest 4-valve It's not as smooth and light as the unit.

It has been replaced with an air cleaner for competition. So, at the top end of 6500 or higher, the engine noise, mainly the intake noise, becomes louder.

Air conditioner control panels, air vents, and

-Dark areas where stereo units, ashtrays, etc. are crowded.

There was a designer who once described the center part of the dash as ``the most expensive part of the car's interior,'' but this car has a panel that says ``FULLTIME 4WD'' embedded in part of it. There is. It was kind of noisy. There is also a shiny silver switch inside the spring, and this is for locking the center differential. The owner once benefited from being muddy.

Apparently there is.

The turbo is effective without any noticeable bumps.

It starts to work, and what's more, it works like a turbo. I miss the way the green snail lights up in the instrument panel every time the turbo kick explodes. What's more, every time I shift up and release the accelerator, I hear the resonant whine of the turbine, which is nostalgic. I wasn't able to do it this time due to time constraints, but I was able to drive on mountain passes and some dirt roads, and it still looked really interesting. Manly and sweaty, a perfect masculine noun.

It's Luma.

Of course, the current Familia, which no longer has a sports model in its lineup, is not such a macho car. However, the Familia has always been a car that has not had a fancy feel to it for generations. Fancy is something like ``a womanly thing that a man has come up with.'' I like the character, which is unusual for domestically produced vehicles, but I'm sure there are people who say that's why it doesn't sell well.

PIC CAPTIONS

The second generation FF Familia underwent a full model change in January 1985. It has a 3/5-door hatch and a 4-door sedan body. Initially, it started with 1.3ℓ and 1.5ℓ NA and turbo units, but a 1.6ℓ turbo unit was soon added. The photo is of the later model. The body size is: total length x width x height = 3990 x 1645 x 1405mm. Wheelbase 2400mm.

The steering wheel has been replaced with "MOMO" and the seat has been replaced with "BRIDE". When the New Familia was announced, the company emphasized the improved quality of the interior, saying, ``If the packaging is the same, the quality of the interior is important.''

With minor changes in 8 years, NA unit

The remaining old E-type units were wiped out and replaced by B-type units. Photo of 1597cc 16V DOHC turbo with 140ps @ 6000rpm and 19.0kgm torque @ 5000rpm

Mr. M's Delta Familia has a majestic red mudguard. The ``GAB'' and ``HKS'' stickers and white OZ wheels clearly reflect the owner's taste.

[storm-angel989]

Outside The Office Part Twenty Seven

NOTE: Important plot info in this part! Enjoy!

Valentino looked at Lucifer, back to me, and then back to Lucifer. I squeezed his hand as hard as I could. 

“Lucifer, if it’s all the same to you, I think I’ll stay,” he replied calmly. 

He offered no further explanation. The locked eyes for a moment and finally, Lucifer rolled his eyes. 

“Fine. Whatever. Stay if you feel so strongly about it.” Lucifer looked me up and down. “I want an explanation from you, reader. Now.” He crossed his arms. 

I went into the same speech I gave Vox and Val, and continued on to repeat what they had told me in response. 

“How did you find out anyway? Did Vox tell you?” I demanded at the end of my story.

He stared at me. “Did you…think I wouldn’t? No, reader, Vox didn’t tell me- he didn’t have to. But how I found out is besides the point.” Lucifer closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. “I honestly can’t decide what’s worse- that you see this fucked up method as normal, or that you didn’t tell any of us before jumping into something that physically hurts you.” He opened his eyes and set his jaw. “Angels are fucking insane. Listen, you can be fit and strong down here but your limits are less than half of what your angelic limits were.” 

“What about my demonic abilities? What are my strengths?” I asked. “Com’on there has to be some sort of trade off.” I tried to sit up but again, Valentino’s hand kept me down. 

“Not yet,” he muttered to me. 

Lucifer didn’t seem to notice. “Fighting. Fucking. Making deals that increase that core power you wield. The door is wide open, princess. Find your passion and run with it.” 

“My passion is….” I let my voice trail off. “I guess I never thought about it? I was always supposed to be the next head general. Then Adam came along and wrecked that.” 

Both Valentino and Lucifer looked at me. Valentino amused, Lucifer irritated. 

“So….leadership?” Valentino asked, as thought it was obvious. 

“Yeah but I won’t rule hell. That role is currently filled.”

Lucifer shrugged. “You will one day. One day in the far off future. Very far off future. But as of right now, we have to get you fighting ready. War is coming, reader. I need you ready for it.”

“Do you wanna fill me in on the big picture here?” I asked. “Because you never really explained to me why you wanted to do the assessment the other day, only that you needed to.”

Valentino gave Lucifer a look. “You really are intent on keeping her in the dark, aren't you? If she’s the key, she deserves to know the whole truth. The whole story.” 

If Lucifer was angry at Valentino’s words, he didn’t show it.

“Fine. Let’s start at the top then. Do you know how hell came to be?” Lucifer asked. 

I shook my head. “No. Dad taught me it exists to hold all that is evil.”

Lucifer barked a laugh. “Of course he did. Well, he’s half right. This is going to be a long conversation, isn’t it?”

A chair materialized and he sat down in it. Valentino leaned over and carefully helped me sit up. He hit a button and behind me, the bed raised. 

“Now, lean back,” he instructed. “There. Comfortable?”

I nodded.

“Good. Then let's begin.” Lucifer said as he clapped his hands together. “Here is the short history of us, hell and how we- you came to be. Reader, your mother and I royally pissed off our all powerful creator, and as such, we were cast down to hell to rule over all human sinners, and demons created from the evil of the world.”

“Wait, what did you do to piss them off?” I asked. 

Lucifer laughed. “That part is unimportant.”

I doubted that but Lucifer continued on.

“The angels didn’t expect the population of hell to swell, to grow to the point where there became more beings down here than up there. So the angels, ever so afraid of an uprising, came down and began to exterminate all the sinners they could….keep us in check, so to speak. Remember, angels can only survive down here for twenty four hours before the darkness begins to consume them.” 

He paused for a moment and took a breath. For the first time, I saw something I hadn’t yet seen cross Lucifer’s face. Pain? Exhaustion? It stayed as he continued his story. 

“On the battlefield, Lilith met your father and standing on the brink of extinction, she and he came to an agreement. She would return to hell with him in exchange for a contract limiting angels to visiting once a year. A contract now void at the arrival of the next extermination day, simply because both signers are dead. Once that date passes, there is nothing preventing them from coming back each twenty four hour period and killing in waves.”

He paused again and looked at me.

“Six months is all we have until the next date the angels should be here. But this, this is where you come in. I need you to be strong enough, to have enough power to combine both your angelic half and demonic half and seal the portal they open. Trap every angel down here, and slaughter them. Send a message that we have you on our side, and make them decide to never, ever participate in an extermination ever again. I would seal it myself but….” he hesitated. “I’m not convinced I have enough left of my angelic side to do so.”

He stood up. The chair vanished and he began to pace. “In short, I need three things from you. I need you strong enough to prevail in the inevitable fight, I need you willing to try your damndest to seal that portal and…” he stopped his feet and looked at me. “I need you to be willing to take command over the new souls you sign on. The contract I created has a little extra clause in it. 

A clause that makes them members of my own demonic army, and forces them to obey both my command and yours without hesitation or question. In addition to continuing to grow that army, I need you to step up and take command of it. Command of the entire demonic military, to be exact.” His voice turned tired. “ I  just, reader, I quite honestly I just don’t have time to give it the attention it needs. Or the military experience that you do have.”

He sat down on the other side of the bed next to me. “So how about it?  How would you like to flex those leadership skills? Take over as second in command, which if I’m being honest, is the primary command in real life. But as leader of hell, I’m also head general of my own military unit but that’s just titles.”

“Wait, you’re offering me a job?” I asked. 

He shrugged and looked to Valentino. “More or less.  If of course, its contingent on your behavior over the next two weeks. Show me better judgment. Because in all honesty, even for my sister's child you are the most incredible pain in the ass- which is to say you’re just like her. And I think you need to keep busy or you sink into the self destructive tendencies that angels are so prone to. It makes them ideal soldiers, but I’d like to spare you that fate if possible.” He stood back up. “So, what do you say?”

What did I say?

My mind reeled as I tried to process the new information. I looked at Valentino and he squeezed my hand again. 

“I think it would be good for you, princessa. Something to keep you occupied. Something familiar, but this time- something you control.” Valentino said encouragingly.

“I need a place. I need equipment. I need housing and room to train these souls.” I said slowly.

Lucifer waved his hand. “Not an issue. I can…”

“What if we remodeled the third floor?” Valentino interrupted with a look at Lucifer. “I am willing to sacrifice that portion of my studio if it means keeping her in house.“ 

“That could work,” Lucifer agreed. “I’d prefer to have eyes on anyway. Demons can be nasty- sinners even moreso, and while I don’t doubt you could lay them down, reader, I’d prefer not to have you do so by yourself.”

“There is also the issue of devising a training plan that won’t kill them,” I added. “Otherwise, they’ll end up like me.”

“That will be the easiest part. Vox has all their data, he can use that to derive the most optimal plan, and subdivide that so the recruits are sorted categorically. We really need to pull him into this conversation.” Lucifer glanced at his watch and then looked at me. “Let this be our plan moving forward- something for you to focus on. Getting this all sorted and together will take about two weeks. During that time rest- get in the habits that will help you grow stronger. I will reassess your physical strength then. In the meantime, we’ll move forward with getting everything set so when you show me just how well you can fight, how well you’ve taken care of your body, you’ll be set to begin right away. Got it?” 

“Got it.” I nodded. 

Valentino stood up and swapped to another bag of fluids. Lucifer gave me a stern look. 

“You need to learn how to balance the two halves of yourself, my dear. Trial and error is a part of this, but communication is even larger. If you’re wondering about if you should do something, or even if you recognize that this is how you would do it in your previous life- talk.. You have my number- use it. Ask Vox, ask Velvette, as Valentino- use us as a guide. No one is here to watch you fail. And no one here will tolerate you hurting yourself. Understood?”

“Maybe it wouldn’t have gone this far if you hadn’t insulted her,” Valentino said sharply. He shifted himself ever so slightly as he looked to Lucifer. “That is something I won’t tolerate. Ever again.”

Lucifer raised an eyebrow. “Is this in reference to my comment on her body?”

“Yes. Don’t let it happen again.” He responded coldly. 

I expected Lucifer to get angry, for his power to pulse through the room. But all he did was shrug. 

“Fair point, I suppose.” Lucifer leaned down and kissed the top of my head. “Make better choices, I have to go.”

And with that he vanished. 

I looked at Valentino. “You heard about that?”

“Heard about it? I was furious, mi amore. I would have called him up, consequences be damned, if Velvette hadn’t talked me down. You’re perfect, princessa. No matter how your body changes.” He sat down next to me and I reached for him. He shifted himself and me so that my head was against his chest. 

I nuzzled him and closed my eyes. My Valentino. My Valentino stood up for me- again. He really did love me. 

“Rest, you’ve got about another hour or so of laying here. Might as well get some sleep. You’ve got to be exhausted.” He said softly as he shifted me in his arms. “I’ve got you.”

I let that feeling of safety wash over me. In his arms, I couldn’t fight the exhaustion, both physically and mental. I let sleep wash over me as I snuggled tightly against him.

[mooestriovermind]

Pinned Post

Color Key: (Read first, very important)

most important information

important information

please read

positive information

negative information

#tag

et cetera descriptive or ancillary text

Anons and DMs are always open! If you do want to directly message me, I highly recommend adding me on

my discord: mindgirl

I may occasionally edit this pinned post with new / remembered information to better express myself.

Beginning of bio for short attention span havers:

Names: Amaranth / Amy (please ask before using Amy)

My age, as of my birthday in 2023: 23 years old

My preferred pronouns: she/they/it

My preferred honorifics: Ma'am, Miss - Ask before using any others

Sexuality/Romance/Etc: Demisexual/Asexual, Panromantic, Poly

Likes, in no particular order:

TTRPGs, TCGs, Video Games, Writing, Art, Music, Theatre, Movies, TV Shows, Animation, Cooking / Baking, Computer Science, Psychology, Hypnosis, Learning, All forms of life, Defiance in the face of injustice, Kindness, Empathy, Therapy, Anything that pisses off my mother, Webcomics (yes including that one), Generally pretty much every form of telling stories available to me

TTRPGs that I play / have played or at least read some:

DnD 5e, Pathfinder 2e, Masks, Dungeon World, Thirsty Sword Lesbians

Favorite Foods/Drinks, in no particular order:

Takis, Raspberries, Blackberries, Crispy ginger beef, Broccoli with cheese, shrimp fried rice, Monkey bread, Catfish, Homemade kombucha, Dr. Pepper, Water, Sourdough bread

I will probably immediately like you in some capacity if you meet one of the following criterion:

Goth, Punk, current or former "Scene" girl, Woman (bonus points if your hair is short), Witch/etc, GNC, Using "She/Her, They/Them, She/They, or Fae/Faer" pronouns, Nice to me

Disclaimer:

I hold the stance that to believe every single cishet man to be a chaser or bigoted is bigoted in itself, so don't discount yourself if you are both a cisgender man and only into women, you still have a chance, even if I may be biased against you.

Dislikes, in no particular order:

Purposeful lack of empathy, Executive tasks, Purposeful ghosting, The USA, Law enforcement, Any form of purposeful bigotry, Gatekeeping, Calling anything/anyone "cringy," Myself, "cancelling" someone/something without significant evidence and reason to do so, deciding that something/someone is unequivocally good or bad, rejecting the idea that people change, Logical fallacies, the word "Lazy," Conflict, Rejection, Purposeful lack of honesty (especially in a relationship), excessive vegetables/greens, cucumbers, tomatoes, excessive onions, non-crunchy asparagus.

I'm just here looking for friends that enjoy similar things to what I also like to partake in, be they horny or not.

- - - - - - - -

Frequently used tags and what they mean:

#hypnosis, #cw hypnosis, #hypnok1nk

typically used as a trio when tagging hypnosis themed art, or any mention of hypnosis in an ask response or any post in general

#thoughts on the brain

always used for posts that are just rambles, or off topic

#my voice

will always be attached to posts that feature my voice in an audible format, whether directly attached or on the audio hosting website that I typically use

#my art, #digital art

Art that I have created. Will usually include #digital art, as pretty much all art that I make is in Clip Studio Paint

#ask response

A response to an ask. Exactly what you think it means.

#brainwashing

Explicit mention of some form of conditioning, classical or operant, usually paired with #hypnosis, #cw hypnosis, and #hypnok1nk.

#maestri sub tag

Woag me? A bottom? Surprising right? Wrong. This tag is for all of my posts (after a certain point where I started using the tag, I'm not going to find all my older subby posts and tag them) in which I am being a complete and utter subby little bottom. Please don't make fun of me too much.

- - - - - - - -

If you read all of my pinned post, congratulations! I will probably like you a lot more because you are emotionally invested in me and learning as much as you can about me.

:>

[calciumdeficientt]

Little Drabble thing with @cyanityy ‘s gorgeous girl Sonya! Based on a convo we had a few days back

“Are you fixing it?” “Hold your horses, I’m trying my best”

Lenora’s VW beetle was jacked up in the middle of a parking lot just outside Old Bullworth Vale. Lenora was on the hood, tanning and flicking through an old copy of playboy that she was only vaguely interested in, Sonya was underneath tinkering with it as best she could. It was a hot day in deep summer. Even for the East coast, it was pretty toasty. She pushed her sunglasses up on top of her head and swivelled so that she was dangling just above where Sonya was working, the ends of her long blonde curls just barely brushing over the worn grey of Sonya’s jumpsuit “Can it be fixed?” She asked in a tired drawl, watching intently as her friend fiddled with her car’s suspension. Honestly it was a wonder it hadn’t gone out long ago. Lenora was very generous, she let all her friends drive her car basically whenever they wanted, the crux of this problem was that… all of her friends were jocks, and so they pushed her poor car to the limits, driving like they were in a police chase pretty regularly. That and also a fun game they called ‘punch the roof’ which was exactly what it sounded like- which of them could punch the roof the hardest for the longest.

Sonya wheeled herself out from under the car and looked up, she jumped a little bit realising she was nose to nose with Lenore “sure I can fix it, it’s just your suspension, its not like you blew a trans or anything” Lenora’s brows knitted together for a second. She barely understood half of what Sonya said, it was meaningless to her. She didn’t need to know what the problem was, she just needed to know it could be fixed.”excuse me?” “Just… whatever, I can fix it” Sonya rolled her eyes and rolled herself back underneath the car, Lenora lolled back over the hood, “Cool, I don’t wanna leave her here overnight in case they give her a new paint job or like… tow her or something th-” Her response was cut off by a short yelp followed by a brief bout of pained hissing a little as the hot metal gently roasted her exposed skin “Hey this is really hot” she murmured, trying to peel herself off the hood, it was a little difficult, the bikini she was in wasn’t really the most conservative, it was a lot of skin to metal contact. “You’re lying on top of a hot metal box in the middle of the day, in the middle of Summer Lenny, what did you think was gonna happen?” Sonya inquired, her voice a little muffled due to the car blocking her face. Lenora slipped off the hood and put her discarded shorts back on, and after a little bit of time spent patting them down to find the pocket with her key in, she unlocked the car “Hey, at least I dont look like I’m gonna get up and start singing greased lightning” she retorted, chuckling at her own joke as she began to root through the dashboard for her blunts. Sonya got herself out from under the car, happy that she’d fixed the suspension up as best she could which what few tools she had on her “You are such an asshole” Sonya tutted as she began going through the motions of lowering the car back down “I’m older than you I can do what I want… like page John Travolta and tell him to saddle up for a new grease movie… I always did think it could do with a remake” “You’re the worst” Sonya huffed, sliding the jack out from under the car and hauling ass to get it back into Lenora’s trunk.

Lenora turned and regarded Sonya with a look of the deepest mock offence she could muster “Heeeey… words hurt. There’s power in words Sonya… like the words ‘let’s go to the beach’ there’s a lot of emotion behind them” she gave the younger girl a crooked smile, nodding a little to herself. Sonya didn’t mind that idea so much, they were pretty close to the docks. It might be a little cooler in the water “I mean.. we’re close enough to walk” “what? no like.. a real beach with real girls and not rich losers that wont touch the sand.” “ NO, no way, by the time we get there it’ll be sunset, no chance” “What if I let you drive?” Lenora offered, knowing full well Sonya had taken quite a liking to her little car. Sonya looked down at her feet and made a small motion of false-shyness “Maaaaaaaybe I’ll consider it” “And I’ll buy you Taco Bell” “Okay okay I’m sold. Get in the car.” Lenora made a small fist-pump action and got into the passenger side, tossing Sonya the key. Sonya started up the car and backed out of the parking lot, with a lot more care and precision than Lenora (who had been driving for two years longer) could ever dream of showing. “Hey, maybe on the way you can tell me about this mysterious greaser you’re so infatuated with” Sonya slammed hard on the brake “WHAT… where did you hear about that?!?!?” “The grapevine… duh.” “What fucking grapevine?” “Just y’know… the grapevine. Don’t worry about it” “How can I not worry about that?” “Just drive the car, dumbass. I’ll get you two baja blasts if you shut up and drive” “uuuugh fine” Sonya put her foot on the gas and continued to speed out of Old Bullworth Vale, slowing only to press play on whatever CD Lenora had in the stereo, beside her Lenora laughed, pushed her sunglasses back down onto her nose and lit up her blunt. Reluctantly, after much yelling from Sonya, she rolled down a window to avoid hotboxing her younger friend. Off they drove, in search of both a beach, and a Taco Bell. Ahhh, summer nights.

[darl-ingfics]

Sicktember Day 1: “I’m not hungover, I’m just sick”

Fandom: EXO

Sickie: DO/Kyungsoo (stomach bug)

Caregiver(s): Suho/Junmyeon (Chanyeol, and SHINee are there for, like, two seconds)

Word Count: 1615

Notes: LET’S GO Y’ALL!!!!!! Also, for the story, I've always been a ho for the SM Town family lore as long as I’ve been a Kpop fan, so don't be surprised if that comes back sometime this month...

There was no party like an SM town party. Not the ones sanctioned by the company, of course, but the unofficial ones the artists threw themselves. To their knowledge, the company had no idea about these parties, and only trusted managers were made aware that they were even happening. Every month, a different group was tasked with setting up the event. Sometimes they were super themed, super fancy affairs. Others, they were meet ups at one of the dorms, casual and low key. Most often they were somewhere in the middle, glorified hangouts at bars within the radius of all of the groups’ dorms. 

This month was Girls’ Generation’s pick, and Taeyeon had taken them to a bar that was only a short walk from EXO’s dorm specifically. Which ended up being a blessing in disguise when Junmyeon’s conversation with Jinki and Minho was interrupted when Chanyeol ran over, calling the leader’s name. 

“Hyung, can you go check on Kyungsoo? He ran off just now, and he didn’t look too hot,” Chanyeol declared, breathing heavily. He grabbed the older man’s shoulder for emphasis. “And I really don’t think he’d want to see me right now.”

Junmyeon cocked his head to the side, fighting a smile.“And he’d want to see me?” he asked. 

Chanyeol shrugged. “Well, maybe. I’ve just been told to ‘get my drunk ass out of his sight’ several times, and I don’t really need another.” 

Junmyeon nodded, looking to his friends. Jinki dipped his head with an understanding smile, and Minho waved him onwward. With a quick smile of his own, Junmyeon offered both men a quick salute before speeding through the crowd as fast as he could, which was surprisingly easier than he’d been expecting. He’d made it to the wall in a matter of seconds, and followed it until he came across the doors to the restroom. Junmyeon pushed through the door with his shoulder, taking a deep breath to calm the worry growing in his stomach. 

“Kyungsoo?” he asked, voice ringing slightly in the small, tiled room. The sound of a toilet flushing sounded in response. “Kyungsoo?!” 

“Here.” A pale hand stuck out from beneath the door of the second stall. Junmyeon hurried over, pulling back the door just as he heard the lock click open. Kyungsoo was sitting on the floor… well, sitting was a very liberal term. He was actually slumped against the stall wall, knees bent up to keep him steady. His face was ten shades paler than normal, tinted slightly green. The hand resting on his stomach was shaking. The eyes that met Junmyeon’s were tired, a lackluster brown instead of the bright hazel they usually were. 

“Gee, how many drinks did Yeollie trick you into tonight?” Junmyeon joked automatically, a smile pulling at his lips. 

“I didn’t even drink, I swear,” Kyungsoo moaned, rubbing at his eyes with both hands. He moaned again. “Not even water…” Junmyeon’s eyebrows wrinkled with sympathy as he knelt down next to the younger man and pressed a hand to his forehead. The skin was both hot and clammy to the touch.

Junmyeon clicked his tongue, rubbing Kyungsoo’s shoulder sympathetically. “Come on. We should get you home. You think your stomach can handle a ten minute walk?” Kyungsoo nodded, taking a deep breath before holding out his hands. Junmyeon clasped his hands around his dongsaeng’s and helped pull the other boy to his feet, wrapping an arm around Kyungsoo’s shaking shoulders to stop the swaying. “Come on,” he encouraged gently, helping walk him out of the stall. 

“Wait,” Kyungsoo said, pulling away from Junmyeon’s grip. The older man froze, expecting him to be sick again. Instead, Kyungsoo stumbled to the skin. “Gotta wash my hands. These floors are disgusting.”

Junmyeon chuckled lightly, watching Kyungsoo closely as he washed the dirt from his hands. The leader offered his elbow when he was finished, earning him a look of confusion. “You’re swaying.” Kyungsoo simply nodded and wrapped his arm through Junmyeon’s, allowing the taller boy to lead him. 

Junmyeon pushed open the bathroom door, nearly hitting Chanyeol in the face. 

“Whoa! Hey! We were just coming to make sure everything was okay!” the rapper exclaimed quickly, tipping back on his heels as Junmyeon automatically apologized for almost hitting him with the door. Chanyeol’s eyes found their linked arms. “And it looks to me like everything’s fine. Maybe even more than fine?” 

Junmyeon’s cheeks lit up like a Christmas tree, but his mothering instincts were able to suppress his embarrassment. And both Jinki and Minho were right behind Chanyeol, and looked about ready to jump in lest he say anything more. “Don’t worry. Things are just fine,” Junmyeon said as simply as possible. “We’re just gonna head home a little early though. Kyungsoo’s not feeling too great.” 

“Aw, dude, that sucks,” Minho sighed sympathetically. “Did this one trick you into one too many again?” He slapped a hand around Chanyeol’s shoulders as the other man whined in protest.

“No,” Kyungsoo moaned pitifully, his grip on Junmyeon’s arm tightening. His shoulders began to cave like a child trying not to hide behind his mom. 

“No, he’s actually sick,” Junmyeon spoke up, patting Kyungsoo’s hand reassuringly. Even Chanyeol’s face fell at that. “So we’re going to go home and watch a movie or something.” A tiny smile peaked on Kyungsoo’s lips, and Junmyeon inwardly high fived himself. 

“That sounds like the best course of action,” Minho nodded approvingly. 

“Do you need any help getting home?” Jinki asked. “I’d be happy to walk back with you.” 

“Thank you, but we should be fine,” Junmyeon answered with a confident smile. “He seems steady enough and it’s only two blocks. I’ll text you as soon as we get home?” Jinki nodded, sticking with them until they’d reached the door, and making Junmyeon promise to text him a second time. 

~

Getting home had been surprisingly easy. The crisp night air had put Kyungsoo at ease, allowing him to forget how awful he felt for a brief moment. The two had walked together, mostly silently, joking every now and then about things they’d seen at the party. Junmyeon had hope that maybe, just maybe, this was just a fluke and Kyungsoo would be just fine. 

He was, of course, proven wrong as soon as they walked in the door, and the younger man sprinted towards the bathroom, the greenish look returning to his face. 

Junmyeon had decided to give him his space, setting about preparing Kyungsoo’s room in case he had to be carried back. When Junmyeon finally returned to the bathroom, he found find Kyungsoo lying on the floor like a starfish. “Kyungsoo?”

“Hm?”

“What ch’a doing?”

“This feels nice,” Kyungsoo replied, words slightly slurred from the fact that his cheek was plastered to the floor. 

The leader settled against the doorframe, arms crossed over his chest. It took a lot for him to not burst out laughing. Kyungsoo was the LEAST likely of any of his members to willingly lay on a bathroom floor. Yet here they were. “We haven’t cleaned that floor in weeks,” Junmyeon commented, making a mental note to put that on the to do list for tomorrow. 

“That’s okay,” Kyungsoo said in response. “It’s just our germs. And I’ve already got those so...” Junmyeon rolled his eyes. 

“How’re you feeling?”

“Not bad, but not good either.”

“Think you’re gonna get sick again?”

“I don’t think so, but that’s really not up to me.”

Junmyeon fought back another eye roll. “You want to go to bed, then?”

“Can’t I just stay here?”

“No. Sick people need to sleep in a proper bed,” Junmyeon insisted, moving into the small room and, careful as can be, stooped down to pull Kyungsoo into a sitting position. The shorter man didn’t protest, but was dead weight in Junmyeon’s hands, slumping against his shoulder once the leader had got him up. “Think you can walk?”

“Well, it would be embarrassing if you carried me,” Kyungsoo said plainly. He didn’t move away from Junmyeon’s shoulder, though. 

“Why?” Junmyeon asked with an amused smile. 

“Cause I’m not a princess,” Kyungsoo said as if it were obvious. “We had the archetype talk the other day. We decided that I’m the villain, not the princess. Baekhyun’s our princess. I don’t want you to treat me like a princess when I’m a villain.”

Junmyeon had to bite his lip to keep from laughing. “Oh, I’m sorry for even vaguely suggesting such a thing. I’m just thoroughly curious if you have the strength to walk to your bedroom.”

“Yeah, I should be good,” Kyungsoo nodded, this time pulling away from Junmyeon and running a hand over his eyes. “Dear god, my head hurts.”

“That’d be the flu, my friend,” Junmyeon replied, spotting Kyungsoo as he pulled himself up onto shaking legs. “Can you walk?” 

“I got this.” Kyungsoo was able to walk about halfway down the hallway before he stopped stock still. Junmyeon rushed slightly closer, eyes quickly scanning for the reason the younger man had stopped. He nearly jumped out of his skin when Kyungsoo’s head slumped against his shoulder. “Soo? You with me?” 

“Hm?” 

“How’re you doing?” 

“I’m tired,” the younger man replied, not moving his head. 

“I can tell,” Junmyeon laughed, readjusting his arm to better support his member’s leaning. “We’re so close to bed, though. Come on, I’ll help you the rest of the way.” 

“Sure.” 

Junmyeon bit his lip as he half led, half dragged Kyungsoo the rest of the way to his bed, forced him none too gently into clean pajamas, and helped him settle under the covers. Based on tonight, this was going to be a long week.

[random-imaginess]

Recently I have discovered your Eli Goldsworth x Reader fanfics and I am in LOVE. So I was wondering if I could request something?

I was thinking a Eli Goldsworty x Gender Neutral Reader. With prompts 2 and 26. Something with how the reader has had an awful day with anxiety and Eli is there to comfort them.

Thank you! Never stop writing, your work is INCREDIBLE!!!

Hello!! I am SO VERY SORRY to make you wait! I appreciate your words so much and I hope I did this request justice! I love writing for Eli and I have a few more that I've been trying to post, so those will come as soon as I can get them done!! The intro is kind of long but I tried to at least mention him a little bit before getting to the main point of the fic. Might be pointless to mention, but I did add a 'read more' cause it's a bit loooong. Eli Goldsworthy x Gender Neutral Reader Prompts: 2: "You're not fine. And you don't have to pretend that you are with me." 26: "Can you come pick me up?"

"Hey! You need to wake up." Your mom shouted at you as she stormed in your room. Jolting awake, you looked at her with confusion for answers but was only met with her back turning to you as she walked back out. Your confusion quickly turned to irritation and anger as your forced yourself to sit up. "What's going on?" You called out after her but got no response.

The confusion quicky turned to irritation and anger as you forced yourself to get out of bed to seek answers. This was the farthest from how you envisioned spending your Saturday and you didn't appreciate the abruptness of it all. You let out a loud groan as you trudged after her, finally registering that the vacuum was running and your dad picking things up in that general area.

Something was happening, but you didn't have the slightest idea what. "What's happening?" You asked again once your mother was in earshot. "We're having company over this evening, you need to hurry and get yourself together so you can help us get things ready. You knew this was happening and you're not doing anything to help out."

She scolded you as she organized an area with paper plates and napkins and things. Your brows furrowed even further as you tried to remember what she was talking about. Something had been mentioned months ago about some work thing your father was going to be part of, but you were never specifically told anything about it. "Is this for dad's work?" "Yes, now stop wasting time and get ready. I need you to run to the store and pick up a cake order and some extra packs of sodas.

"Ok, well you never actually told me about any of this..." "Y/n, stop arguing and just do it." Your father chimed in after shutting off the vacuum. It wasn't your fault they failed to inform you about any of this and it just made you even more angry that they were taking it out on you.

Without saying anything else, because you knew it wouldn't have made any difference, you stormed back to your room and slammed the door behind you. You hated the fact that you were always the last to know about things, especially when these things were happening at YOUR house. The lack of communication completely infuriated you, even more so because you had brought it up countless of times before and they STILL lacked the consideration to include you.

Changing out of your night clothes, you grabbed your keys and whatever info you needed to pick up the cake and stormed out of the house, slamming the door behind you. It felt like a cannonball of events after that moment that just piled on top of your bad mood. Maybe it was just in your head, but it didn't help that everyone seemed to be having a short fuse that day.

From the people you picked the cake up from, to people driving on the roads. You stopped at The Dot to pick up a coffee, something that was supposed to help you take your mind off of everything. Something that was intended to be that piece that brought some joy out of the horrible start you had. You tried to hold yourself together so you didn't get too overwhelmed, ignoring everything as much as you could. But you were already at a point where even the smallest thing could set you off.

The back of your throat tightened as you placed your order, staring at the scrunched up face of the barista as she told you to speak louder because she couldn't hear you. You wanted to say never mind and just leave but you were frozen in place. You repeated your order, hoping she didn't hear the crack in your voice, and you pushed forward.

You wanted to retreat. To curl up into a ball and disappear but your parents gave you no opportunity to do that. You returned home with everything and it was nonstop moving around and being told what to do and scolded and made to feel like you couldn't do anything right to help them get things ready.

And then they arrived. It couldn't have been more than 15 people who showed up, but you didn't know any of them. What was the point of you needing to be there if it was a work related thing? Why would it be rude if you stayed in your room so you didn't feel like you were just in the way?

Eventually you managed to get out for some fresh air, taking a seat on the front porch. You wanted an escape. Eli was always the first person you thought of when you needed time away. He was your best friend and probably the only person who was able to help take your mind of things.

Dialing his number, you listened to it ring a few times, hoping he'd pick up. "Hello?" Sigh of relief. "Hey, are you doing anything right now?" You bit the inside of your lip, attempting to stop yourself from thinking about everything. It almost felt stupid that you were letting everything affect you as much as it was. "Hi! Uh, nope. I'm not doing much of anything right now."

You nodded your head like he could see you. "Can you come pick me up?" You wondered if your tone sounded strange over the phone, but as soon as you asked the question, your throat dried up and it hurt to swallow as you tried to keep yourself from breaking. "I mean, if you wanted to do something? It's just my parents are having some party with a lot of people from my dad's work and doing literally anything else would be a lot more fun than staying here," you let out a nervous laugh, attempting to play it off that nothing was wrong.

But Eli was pretty perceptive, even when he couldn't see the expressions on your face. "No, of course. I was thinking of watching all of the Texas Chainsaw Massacre movies, we could pick up some drinks and snacks, make it a whole thing." "That sounds awesome." You stood up and quickly went inside to gather some of your things.

When you finally got to Eli's house, said your hellos to Cece and Bullfrog and got set up in Eli's room. It wasn't until you got to the 1995 Next Generation movie that he brought anything up. He knew something was up when you were talking on the phone but figured you'd say something on your own if you wanted to. But when it didn't seem like you were ever going to say anything, he contemplated if he should leave it alone or try to figure out what was going on.

"You're being awfully quiet, are you ok?" You looked over at him after plopping some popcorn into your mouth, giving a slight shrug. "Yeah, I'm fine. We're watching movies, you're supposed to be quiet." "Sure, if you're at a theater. But we're here and our movie nights usually involve a lot more talking." He nudged you gently with his elbow.

You just looked at him and gave him a weak "reassuring" smile before plopping more popcorn into your mouth and turning your attention back to the movie. You didn't want to ruin anything with the mood you were in. You were trying so hard to keep things normal and light but it apparently wasn't working.

"Hey," he nudged you again to get your attention. He wasn't going to let you brush it off now like you wanted to do. "Are you ok?" You looked at him again and nodded your head. "Yes, I'm fine." "You're not fine. And you don't have to pretend like you are with me." You let out a sigh and went back and forth on whether or not you should say anything about it. You'd most likely just end up downplaying the entire thing, but you knew he wouldn't stop pushing until you opened up.

"I just wanted to get away for a little bit. Today was stressful and my anxiety was going through the roof, I wanted a distraction." "What happened that had you so stressed?" His tone was softer now and you knew if you looked at him all of the emotions you had tried to stuff down inside you would burst through the surface.

You shrugged your shoulders, subconsciously picking at a piece of dead skin on your thumb. "Just a lot of stupid things... I got woken up by my mom barging into the room and yelling at me, saying people were coming over and that I knew about it, but I didn't. They didn't say shit to me about it and they acted like I'm supposed to be some mind reader.

I had to pick up some stupid cake from the store and there was complications with that because someone there filled out the paper wrong and I got yelled at for it. Then when I went to go get coffee it felt like everyone had attitude or people's tones were off and I know that was probably all in my head but it just piled on to everything. I couldn't isolate or else I was being rude, which is stupid because why would it matter if I wasn't at some work party with people I don't know? What would I talk to them about? That's like me showing up to some tennis seminar and talking about dung beetles--" Eli opened his mouth to say something but hesitated and let you continue.

"There's no consideration when it comes to communicating these things with me. I never know things are happening until the very last second or, if I'm lucky, a day before. And it clearly doesn't matter what my feelings are about it because I've told them many times that I'd appreciate it if they actually talked to me and kept me in the loop so I have time to prepare myself but nothing ever changes. Instead they just wake me up out of a perfectly good deep sleep to yell at me."

After a few seconds you looked over at him as he sat there speechless. "You asked, so there it all is.." "No, no, it's all perfectly fine. Just.. make sure you breathe, okay? And I'm not just talking about after unloading all of... that, 'cause I don't think you stopped for air once." You couldn't help yourself but laugh at that and you knew he was just trying to help make you feel better.

"I'm sorry, I.." "Don't apologize. What just happened is very valid, and you should be able to feel like you can openly express things like that whenever you need to. You have a safe space with me, you know that, right?" Just hearing that caused a knot to form in your throat. Logically you did know that. You knew he was one of the safest people you knew who you could confide in and you trusted him completely, but it was the thoughts in the back of your mind telling you that he wouldn't want all of that negativity dumped on him. Everyone has their own shit that they have to deal with, why would they wanted stuff added to it?

But Eli wasn't like that. He was very open and he listened and he only ever pushed when he felt he needed to. And you were the exact same way with him. Your relationship was as solid as it gets, so it was always a wonder to you why you let yourself believe that he wouldn't want to hear your grievances.

"I do, yeah. I'm sorry, I just didn't want to ruin anything and put on damper on things. We're supposed to be having a fun relaxed time, right?" "Exactly right. But we can't do that if you're still stuck in your head, can we?" He gave you a knowing smile. "You're not going to ruin anything by talking about what's bothering you, so throw that idea away right now. It's going to feel silly, but I think we should take in one big deep breath and release it and then we can go back to our gory movie fest, alright?"

You let out another nervous chuckle, feeling like you just wanted to forget about it all and go back to ignoring the issue, but he was right. You wouldn't be able to completely enjoy anything if you were still holding on to things you had no control over. You finally nodded in agreement and repositioned yourself so you were sitting up straighter.

"Ok, ready? Breathe in.." Eli instructed, motioning his movements as he took in a deep breath with you. He counted to three on his fingers, held it for a second and then released. "And breathe out." Already you were feeling your shoulders relax, realizing that you had been holding all of that tension. "Let's do it one more time." "You said just once!" "I know what I said, let's just do another one." You let out an exaggerated groan but laughed. Closing your eyes for a few brief moments, you straightened yourself up again and repeated the exercise.

When you released the breath, you looked at him again, seeing his brows raised and his dorky smile plastered on his face. "Feel better?" "Yes," you drew out the reply, smiling as you moved back into a comfortable position. "I do feel better. Thank you." You looked at him once more, smiling genuinely. "Not to get all corny or anything, but I think I would probably go insane if I didn't have you as a best friend." He gave a little shrug of his shoulder. "It's what we do. You do the same for me. You ready for more leatherface?" "I sure am!"

Eli rubbed his hands together in excitement and reached for the remote and pressed play. The energy in the room felt completely different now and you couldn't have been more appreciative of Eli.

[imjustabeanie]

Finally got around to doing this! ^^ It's superman--yoosung!! ☆☆ Okay, so for my matchup I'd like Genshin or HSR, if that's ok! I'm 29, use she/her pronouns, and I really love music and the arts in general! I'm studying to be in healthcare and music one day, and it's a lot of work but worth it to me! I like lots of things - strawberries, sweets, tea, cute hair accessories, plushies - if you can consider it generally cute, I probably like it lol! I dislike many things, but roaches are the #1, I have a terrible phobia of them ;-; What I like and dislike in a relationship is probably the same as many others. I like to start as friends first and see where things go. I certainly want to be treated with respect, both initially and throughout a relationship. I don't expect it to be perfect, but as long as we can both be mature and discuss our issues straightaway instead of letting them simmer, that's ideal to me. Communication and compromise are key! I'm also fairly short so they'll have to be okay with reaching anything high up in my stead lol! I don't have many deal breakers, but morally I'm obliged to turn down anyone with strong prejudices (homophobia, sexism, etc.) or those who are ultimately self-serving, since I'm an idealist and I don't favor those views in the long-term so even if we got together for a short while it wouldn't last. As for how I'm like in a relationship... Hmm... I wish I could say I give my time freely to those I care for, but it isn't the case. I just don't always have much free time during school since I'm working hard to get good grades and I'm an officer of a campus organization, but I try to carve out time for my loved ones as much as I can! I'm very good with giving words of affirmation, though for myself I prefer receiving affection through quality time or being given gifts (not monetary ones, though, those give me anxiety lol). I am not an overly touchy-feely person, I don't really enjoy kisses or holding hands; but I do like hugs from those I'm close with or to hold onto their arm or shoulders/have their arm around my shoulders.

Thank you again for this!! ^^)/

Your Genshin match is...Tighnari!

Okay so your match is Tighnari! Not gonna lie, I really hesitated between him and Wriothelsey (kaveh too). I think that he’d really fit your caring and responsible personality.

You said you’re studying in healthcare. I believe you two met at a work collaboration. You needed more inside info on some plants and the forest so he’s your guy. You’d get along rather well with Collei too. He is not someone focused on relationships that’s why he won’t even notice how close you are until someone points it out.

Tighnari is a lover that show his love through acts. Just like you, he is very busy with his patrols. Which means that your time together is rather scarce but it gets better when you move in together. He is the type of lover to write you letters every day he doesn’t see you and even prepare a box with little words of support for you to open each day. But he’s also a lover who’d drop everything if you needed him (if you get sick he’ll stay with you, cook for you and make you medicine). On the rare dates you two have, he loves when it’s a picnic where he gets to take you for wonderful views and ramble about the different papers and plants (I can also see him actually planting tea  and strawberries for you and making you sumeru specialities)

Something that’s nice with him, is that he’s understanding and honest. If there are problems he will communicate and is willing to compromise (which you both do due to your respective schedules). He respects you and sees you as an equal. That’s why it’s rare for you two to get into an argument and if you do it’s mostly due to different views on a subject (he apologizes with a plushy afterward if he feels he was in the wrong or went too far. Your fox and fennec plushies came from him) . This relationship is harmonic and going at its own pace.

Now…I believe Tighnari plays an instrument too. Had to ask my mum to remember the name but he seems like a Mandole player so you two could play songs together with your respective instruments (plus he loves listening to you play after a rough day). He doesn’t mind you being touchy and often holds your hand or propose his arm in public (please tell us how the ears and tail feels. You’re the only one who can touch them). He also appreciate your loving words and if you write him letters or anything he’ll treasure them and re read them when you’re not here and he’s feeling down. Your dates often consist on a picnic, cooking together or just cuddling while talking about different topics (he complains about cyno jokes). He appreaciates the communication in the relationship and how understanding you are.

Now on a funny topic (like your shortness. Sorry not sorry)…tighnari does enjoy some teasing here and there. While he always helps you with high shelves, sometimes he feels funny and purposefully puts things in places you can’t reach. And when you confront him about it he’ll come with a plethora of bad excuses creating a light and funny mood.

Welp! Hope you like it!

[literary-potato]

hello please post the cryptography rant??? (if you want to and so on)

Hahaha ok then

So here is the post this is in reference to.

It’s a jokey thing about how OP could totally be responsible for generating the two-factor codes you get on your phone.

It is a funny harmless post so I decided not to be a pedantic weirdo in the comments. Instead I’m gonna be a pedantic weirdo here.

Here’s the problem with OP’s suggestion: humans suck at randomness.

(To be fair, computers also suck at randomness. It turns out it’s really hard in general to get a lot of data that is truly random. Which is such a problem for  cryptography that most intro to cryptography textbooks have sections plural about things like what randomness is, what pseudorandomness is, how we define something as being sufficiently pseudorandom for cryptographic purposes... it’s a Whole Thing.)

At least on a conscious level, people are not great at coming up with things that are actually random. There seems to be some debate on the matter, but from what I can tell beyond paywalls, the meta-analyses and replication studies have pretty consistently found that humans are not good at making up random sequences of numbers. (I did find a lot of research about central nervous system disorders and executive function disorders indicating that people with those conditions are worse than healthy controls at generating “random numbers” -- suggesting that people without those conditions can do it -- but from what I can tell this body of research is using “random” in a very different sense than what is meant cryptographically.) Also, it’s common sense if you look at humans and how we make stuff up in the real world. We look for patterns in stuff. And if we see patterns, we assume it’s not really random, so we adjust for that... which then results in stuff that is counterintuitively LESS random than the real thing because in a truly random situation you would occasionally expect to see repetitions and patterns occur by chance. You can use human activity and behavior as a source for randomness, but you have to tweak it a bit before it’s actually random. Even if it’s minute differences in things like gait that you’re probably not consciously controlling.

Why does this matter though? Surely, you think, it doesn’t matter that much if a number sequence is actually random or just kinda arbitrary, right?

Well, no.  Modern cryptography is built on assumptions about having random keys. If those assumptions don’t hold up in practice, then you have massive cracks in the foundation of the cryptosystem that attackers can exploit. Like with these voting machines. (caveat: this DOES NOT mean any elections were stolen. this was a privacy bug, where the secrecy of someone’s ballot could be compromised.)  Or with this paper that found that about 1 in 200 of the embedded devices scanned was using an RSA key that could be broken because the random primes comprising it were not sufficiently random, and they had a shared prime factor with at least one other key. The lack of randomness was also instrumental at multiple stages of the cryptanalysis of Enigma (note the part about lazy cipher clerks, and the part about cillies).  So long story short: - humans are bad at making up things that are actually random - if you design a cryptosystem with the assumption that something is actually random, it is VERY important that that is the case, otherwise it becomes possible (if not absurdly easy) to break the cryptosystem

[sawtastic-sideblog]

I am so sorry to anon. I meant to save what I posted as a draft and it posted while I was taking a test. Anyway here's the finished one!

Contains spoilers for Downton Abbey season 3 and Adam is a LotR fan in this I jsut forgot to write it in.

Taking the stairs two at a time, Adam climbs, ready to see his beloved children. The last few days have been rough for him. He's had to follow a doctor that has been cheating on his wife. It's emotionally draining.

He fumbles the his keys and drops them to the floor with a loud clang! Adam curses under his breath as he bends to pick up his keys. He hears a door open to his right, revealing a short plump woman with green eyes that shimmer in the dim hallway lighting.

"Oh, Adam! I thought that was you! How are you, darlin'?"

"I'm good, Mrs. Ortega. How are you? And Mr. Ortega?"

"We're both good. We wanted to invite you over for dinner next weekend. My family is flying in, his family is driving up, and we're gonna have some friends over too."

"Oh, um, thank you, Ms. Ortega, but I don't know. I'm not big on crowds and in small spaces. Not really my scene."

"How 'bout I bring you a plate? My family is bringing the southern cuisine and Miguel's family is bringing the authentic Mexican cuisine. Abuelita is making tamales. My mama's making her chicken and dumplins and I'm making my blueberry pie you like so much."

"That sounds greats, Mrs. O. Thanks."

"It's not a problem dear. Oh and I think my daddy is bringing you some old camera equipment his daddy gave to him. He said somethin' about one of th first cameras ever made being passed through the generations. He likes you, son."

"Oh, wow, I couldn't accept that."

"You will. Daddy is very convincing. Especially in his old age."

"Eighty one isn't that old."

Mrs. Ortega laughs and turns to walk back into her apartment. Adam jams his key into the lock as his neighbor calls out to him.

"Give some love to Merry and Pippin for me?"

"Of course, I will. Goodnight, Mrs. Ortega."

"Goodnight, Adam."

Adam walks into his apartment and throws his keys in the bowl of the table by the door. He sets his bag down on the table as he toes off his shoes. He scans the open area of his apartment in the light from the standing lamp by the wall.

"Mer? Pip? Where are you?"

He makes his way into the kitchen and grabs a can and a bag of cat food. He turns around to pick up two ceramic food bowls. One blue with 'Merry' etched into it with white paint making the letters pop and the other is a matching green one with 'Pippin etched into the side. Birthday gifts from Mrs. Ortega. She always treats Adam, Merry, and Pippin like her own kids. The Ortegas never had children of their own but have nieces and nephews who come to visit sometimes. Mia, the thirteen year old daughter of Mrs. Ortega's sister, has taken an interest in photography. Everytime she visits, Adam gets a knock on his door. He's more than happy to talk with Mia, go on walks with her, her brothers, aunt, and uncle to take pictures of the world around them, and show her how to develop pictures in his home red room.

Adam turns back around to see a figure sniffing at the bag of food. A pair or yellow eyes look up at him expectantly. Adam smiles warmly.

"Hi, honey," he says as he walks to the counter and sets the bowls down. He holds his finger up and moves it towards a small pink nose. "Boop."

A small 'mrrrhp' is the response Adam gets before the cat headbutts Adam's hand, demanding to have attention. He happily obliges and scratches the cat's head.

"Hello, my little Merry-baby," Adam coos. Merry rubs against Adam's chest as he opens the can of food and halves it into the bowls. He adds some dry food with it. His cats will eat anything and, somehow, Mrs. Ortega has a lot of cat food and brings it to him. He doesn't complain. Free food for the cats.

Merry, the cat currently sitting on the counter watching as Adam walks towards the mat again, is an orange short-haired tabby. She has yellow eyes that are always full of mischief. She is two years old and is so full of energy. She loves to cuddle and always finds her a seat somewhere on or near Adam. She was sitting outside of the hospital one day as Adam was leaving. In his very drowsy, tired, and sick mind he decided to try to catch her and ran out into the middle of the road. He was almost hit by a bus, but a tall, blonde man pulled him out of the way. When Adam went to protest the man shut him down, grabbed the cat, shoved it into his arms, and told him to go home. Adam went back to the hospital for a dislocated shoulder a few months later and met the man again. A doctor by the name of Lawrence Gordon. Adam was smitten by him and asked for his number while under th influence of painkillers. Dr. Gordon laughed and asked about the cat.

Pippin, who is currently no where to be seen, is a short-haired tuxedo cat. He's nine years old and likes to lay around in the sun all day. He's still spry in his old age and is often found perched at the top of the cat tower. Yet, another gift from the Ortegas that was made by Mr. Ortega himself. He's been with Adam for a long time, since he was six months old. Adam found him in the dumpster behind a bar. He was trying to hook up with some girl who was so drunk she couldn't keep the contents of her stomach inside. Adam heard a small sound coming from the dumpster and peeked inside. He saw a plastic bag moving around. Curious and slightly drunk, Adam reaches for it. When he opensnit he finds a very small and malnourished cat. His yellow eyes wide in fear. Adam looks back at the woman and decides to call her a cab. He waits with her when her friends come out and gush over the kitten and thank him for the cab. Adam gets home and looks up how to take care of a kitten. He was terrified because he could hardly take care of himself.

"Food time, babies," Adam calls. Merry leaps off the counter and walks over to her bowl. The sound of old joints popping and the shaking of the cat tree from the cat atop of it stretching. Adam walks over to the wooden tower covered in soft fabric and puts a hand out. The old cat bumps Adam's hand with his head. Adam scoops him up and cradles him in his arms. He walks towards the untouched bowl of food as he peppers kisses all over Pippin's head. He gently places the old cat by his bowl and walk to his bedroom to change into his pajamas. His phone vibrates in his hand as he walks toward the living room.

"Hey, babe," Adam greets his friend.

"Adam, I've told you not to call me that."

"Aw, come on, Larry, everyone deserves to be called 'babe' every once in a while."

"Yes and I have a wife who calls me that," Lawrence counters. Despite the annoyance in his voice, Adam can hear a smile.

"Whaddya want, Larry? I gotta fix food and cuddle cats."

"Alison wanted to see if you wanted to go out for dinner tomorrow night."

"How about you guys come over. Diana loves the cats and the Ortega's are having a dinner party next week, so I was thinking about having them over for dinner before then. I won't feel bad if they bring me a plate after that," Adam jokes. He hears Lawrence chuckle before he continues. "I also have this recipe Zep from work sent me. Looks pretty good. And it comes from Zep. He's an amazing cook."

"I have to agree with you. Let me run it Alison."

"Let me talk to her. I'm very persuasive."

"Okay, hold on. I have to go find her," Lawrence laughs.

"Hey, babe," Alison's voice rings down the line. Pippin hops onto the couch and bumbles his way over to Adam, sitting beside him with paws on his thigh. Adam's hand immediately goes to Pippin's head and scratched behind his ear. The cat purrs in appreciation.

"Hi, Ali. Adam is on the phone to talk about dinner plans. You're on speaker, Adam."

"Hi, Adam."

"Hey, Alison. Lawrence said you wanted to have dinner together tomorrow night. I was thinking you guys could come over and, hi, Merry, I'll have the Ortegas over. Zep gave me a new recipe," Adam explains and greets his cat by petting her head.

"Sounds great. Six work for you?"

"Perfect. I'll let Mrs. O know."

"Need us to bring anything?"

"Just your dazzling smile and Larry's charming personality. Oh, and Diana. Can't forget her."

"They won't forget me!" A small voice yells indignantly. Adam laughs and grabs the remote from the coffee table. He reclines back and props his feet on the table. Merry walks down Adam's legs to the coffee table and just sits staring out at nothing on the other side of the room. Adam's hand finds Pippin's side and pats.

"Did your hear anything, dear?" Lawrence asks, amusement dripping off his words.

"No, did you?"

"Nope," Lawrence says.

"Adam! Tell mommy and daddy that I'm right here!"

"I think there's an intruder in your house, Larry."

"Me too. I'll go take a look."

"He's on the hunt," Alison says. Adam hears the grin in her voice and can imagine Lawrence stalking around the kitchen and living room of his house. He hears high pitched squeals and laughter coming from his phone. His eyes scan the rows of television shows and movies on his screen. He chooses his guilty pleasure show. 'Downton Abbey' has been his thing for years. He, Alison, Diana, and Mrs. Ortega often have watch parties. When he has a bad day, likes to cuddle up under a pile of blankets, eat his weight in pizza, and cuddle the cats. "Do you have food, Adam?"

"Yeah, I ordered pizza."

"Good. Just making sure you're eating. Lawrence told me about your bad day."

"Yeah, it has sucked, but I have my kittens to cheer me up."

"Have a better night."

"Thanks, Al. I appreciate you. and Larry. And the rugrat." "Goodnight, Adam. We love you." "Bye, Adam!" "Bye, Addy!"

Lawrence and Diana both shout at the same time. The corners of Adam's lips curl up at the use of his nickname Diana gave him. He bids them goodnight and hangs up. The doorbell rings and he stands up, much to Pippin's displeasure. Adam brings the pizza over to the coffee table and turns on the show. Hours later, Adam is still watching the show. Tears stream down his face as Tom Branson clings to Sybil.

"Please, don't leave me, Love," Tom begs.

"Don't leave him, Sybil," Adam whispers as he wipes tears away. Merry stretches from her spot in Adam's arms, her head in the crook of his neck and his arm cradling her like a baby. His other hand returns to Pippin's back. Pippin is laying in a loaf on Adam's thigh. He is facing the television, staring in the direction of it, almost like he is watching as Sybil's life fades and, once again, the Crawley family is thrown into the arms of grief.

"Fuck," Adam sobs, burying his face into Merry's side. Merry's paws finds Adam's head as she starts to chew on Adam's hair. She twists and turns and hops from Adam's arm onto the arm of the couch. He picks up Pippin and pulls his feet out form under him and onto the floor. The episode ends and Adam turns off the television.

"I think it's time for bed, kitterinos," Adam says as he stands and stretches. He wipes at his face as he goes though and turns off all the lights. He goes to brush his teeth, cats following him all the way. The orange rubs her face against his ankles.

"Meow," Pippin calls from the bedroom door.

"Ahh," Adam says back. Pippin responds with another meow and Adam responds with another lowercase scream. They go on like this until Adam goes into the bedroom.

Once in bed, Merry finds her way to the second pillow on the bed and curls up facing Adam. Pippin finds his rightful place on Adam's chest as Adam scrolls on Youtube to find a video to listen to as he goes to sleep. "Goodnight, my sweet boy. Goodnight, my sweet girlie. My pretty kitties."

He closes his eyes and runs his hands over Pippin's back. The old cat purrs and does the little paw thing that cats do over Adam's ribs. Merry presses her head against Adam's head. He smiles and reaches his free hand up to pet her. She spins in a circle and lays with her face on Adam's shoulder, one paw tucked under her and the other on Adam's shoulder. Adam angles his head towards Merry's back and lays his face on her hip.

He feels so loved by these two small creatures. They put all their trust in him and he puts his own happiness with them. The three of them are a family. They all love and trust each other. This is the most love Adam has felt in his life. He can say that these two make his life complete and he doesn't know what he'd do without them.

Adam is lulled to sleep by the sound of both of the cats purring and Shayne Topp's voice reading Reddit stories.

[graceandpoise]

Charisma, Magnetism, Mystery - How to Be a Good Conversationalist

One of the key factors to being an It Girl is how you comport yourself around others. Being able to master the basics of social skills and holding a conversation will aid you so much in life and can reduce a great deal of anxiety in many situations when you know how to approach talking to people.

It’s all about others

When in doubt, remember: In conversations, “I” is boring. Listening is key to being considered a good conversationalist. Active listening is especially important, and easy to manage with basic head nods and noises of interest. The difficulty lies in not being found quiet, someone who never speaks. The trick here is to ask questions. Let other people do the talking, and when it is your turn to speak ask them further questions. Make sure the questions are open ended, rather than yes/no questions, otherwise it will be difficult to keep the conversation going for a while. For example:

“What are you reading? Forged of Fire. Do you like fantasy? Yes.”

vs

“What are you reading? Forged of Fire. What are you liking about it? Well, I really love fantasy so…”

Open ended questions help keep the conversation going. If you can’t think of a question to ask, an easy trick to remember is mirroring. Simply repeating the last few words of someone’s sentence as a question (by simply repeating with the last word at a higher pitch) will often prompt them to expand more on what they were saying. The best part about it is that people rarely notice it - while it can feel silly and obvious in the moment, most people are so caught up in talking about themselves that they won’t catch you mirroring. And never offer up unnecessary explanations - if they did not ask, there is no reason to explain why you are not drinking, or ordering a salad instead of a dessert, or excusing yourself.

Focus on positives

There are a few ways to stay positive in conversations. The most obvious is to direct the conversation towards positive topics, don’t ask about things that may be risky until you know the other person better - ie politics, religion, etc - and ask questions about things you know the other person likes or enjoys. One way to ask positive questions is to simply rephrase basic questions with a more positive spin - “What have you been up to lately?” can become “What have you been up to that’s fun lately?” - just the additional two words guarantee that the conversation will have a more upbeat tone.

When asking questions, start with a validating statement before asking. Even a simple “That’s interesting!” when someone makes a statement you disagree with before a question about something related but safer, is a good way to leave people with a good impression of you. This moment of validation can also be the place to include your own opinions or experiences in a short and simple sentence (if someone were to say they visited Italy on vacation, a response could be “I’ve been to Italy before! What did you like about it?). As a general rule, every response in a conversation should follow this pattern of short validation-question.

What to talk about

When it comes to actually starting a conversation or having something worthwhile to say, it is important to be educated on a variety of topics. While you certainly don’t have to become an expert on information you don’t find very interesting, it helps to have a broad array of knowledge that can be used in conversation. A good thing to do is to keep in mind your local area and culture - what are most people interested in? If most of the people you interact with in your circles love say, a particular sport, and you do not, it is still worth learning about the basics so that you can carry a conversation. The other important place to stay educated is on current events, both worldwide and local. Most small talk occurs over discussions of what is happening in the world. Try to make an effort to learn of more uplifting things happening in the world as well, in keeping with the trend of staying positive.

It’s in the details

Beyond the actual conversation, socialization can be affected by the little things you do while you talk. The basics of good body language in a conversation can make a large difference in peoples’ subconscious perception of you. Trying to find the balance of eye contact - not too much, not too little - can be challenging. This article about eye contact anxiety has some good tips towards the bottom on “correct” eye contact. The other general basics of good body language are staying open rather than closed, and to not make yourself too big (like through putting your hands on your hips) or too small (such as by hunching your shoulders). Some examples of closed body language to avoid include crossed arms or ankles, turning your torso away, rubbing at your face or neck, and clasping or hiding your hands.

In addition to body language, use your voice and the way you speak to your advantage. Focus on speaking at an even pace and volume - ask the people close to you if they find that you speak too quickly or too loudly, then you are aware of what to work on. Cutting out swearing and slang makes a huge difference in appearing mature and graceful. As a general rule, good manners go a long way - always asking how someone is when you greet them, always introducing yourself to anyone new that you have to make conversation with, and refraining from discussing other people unless you only have kind comments to make.

Then of course, are basic good manners. Please, thank you, excuse me, yes sir/ma’am (if you’re in the southern US). These are good places to use peoples’ names - the science shows that we are more positively inclined towards people who use our names in conversation while talking to us. At first, figuring out when to use a person’s name in conversation in a natural way without overdoing it can be tricky, so a good rule of thumb is to start with including it with “manners phrases” as well as when you say hello or goodbye to someone.

Ie, “Meri, could you please…” “Thank you, Peter!” “See you tomorrow, Danielle!”

Changing the subject

One of the tricky things about conversing it that preparing to hold these great conversations can only take you so far. If you are caught unawares by an inappropriate comment or rant, or even in the very likely event of someone trying to gossip, it is important to know how to respond in those circumstances, which is to change the subject gracefully. Something that will make this easier is the listening you have been employing - remember things they told you about so that you have a topic to switch to in the event of a change of subject. The simplest way is to go back to the system of questions. A polite smile and simply asking about another topic can often work, though sometimes you may need a lead-in to the question such as “Oh, I was meaning to ask you earlier…” before asking. Occasionally, depending on the situation you may need to make a statement to make it clear that this topic is off limits before asking about something else. This is generally the trickiest part of changing a subject gracefully, and I find that the most reliable phrase is “I’m afraid I don’t know much about that/them” which can then be followed with a question about something else. This one is especially useful when people try to gossip about situations or people that you don’t feel comfortable discussing.

[impressivepress]

Vivian Maier: Street Photographer, Revelation

Since the discovery and exposure of Vivian Maier’s work in 2009, this reclusive, mysterious figure—street photographer, nanny, visual genius—has been the subject of widespread acclaim and attention. From monographs to worldwide gallery exhibitions and the widespread release of a feature film (the second documentary produced about her life and her work), the attention that Maier’s story has generated is dwarfed only by the astounding quality of the photographs she left behind.

The film about her and her life and photography was nominated for an Oscar at the Academy Awards in 2015.

In July 2014, Jim Casper, editor-in-chief of LensCulture, spoke with Anne Morin, the curator of the great exhibition, “Vivian Maier: A Photographic Revelation” that was shown throughout Europe. Morin was also very generous to share with us, and the readers of LensCulture, 120 photographs from the exhibition.

Here is an edited version of the interview from 2014:

LC: What was your role in the discovery and eventual dissemination of Vivian Maier’s work?

Anne Morin: I first heard about Vivian Maier in 2011 and I have been very interested by her photographs ever since. A year later, I was in touch with Howard Greenberg, the gallerist responsible for Vivian Maier prints, and John Maloof, the collector who holds tens of thousands of Maier’s negatives. With their help, I developed a curatorial project and we showed it for the first time in Spain. It then moved on, to France—everywhere it went, it got a huge response. It is now in Ghent, Belgium and in the future will move on to Amsterdam, Berlin, Venice…

LC: Much of the attention surrounding Maier has focused on her mysterious, quirky personality, her psychology, her story. But outside of that, what are your curatorial feelings about her work as a photographer?

AM: Her story is definitely amazing but I have to work hard to keep it separate from the physical reality of her photographs. In terms of her work, I think she’s one of the top street photographers, ever. She has a key place in the history of the medium—right next to Robert Frank and all the other great practitioners. Her images contain all the specificity of street photography while also referencing the history of visual culture. This is no accident. She used to frequent exhibitions and museums as much as she could. She knew the work of Brassai, of Henri Cartier-Bresson. I hope that my exhibition helps place her work in the history of the field. I leave it to others to puzzle over her psychology, her motivations.

LC: As far as we know, she was completely self-taught, right?

AM: First of all, we know that Maier’s mother made some photos from time to time. As well, there’s a little story that when Maier was young, her parents split up and her mother took Maier to live in Brooklyn. There, they shared a flat with a French photographer named Jeanne Bertrand. As an artist, Bertrand was very close to the Surrealists and a key member of the French art world. Maier and her mother lived with her for 4 years—maybe this was Maier’s first brush with fine art photography? Still, by and large, no one taught her photography formally.

LC: How many Vivian Maier negatives have been discovered, to date?

AM: It’s quite difficult to say, in fact. But it’s somewhere between 120,000-150,000. The reason for that large range is that the recovery of Maier’s negatives is still ongoing. For example, there are 6,000 rolls of film that Maier didn’t even develop. There is damaged color film, which is difficult to restore. She also recorded her voice on cassette tapes, keeping a sometimes daily log of her thoughts and ideas. She left really a lot of stuff and we are still working hard to make sense of it all.

LC: Of the 120,000-150,000 negatives that have been discovered, how many have been looked at? Did you go through all of them to put together this exhibition?

AM: In short, nobody besides John Maloof has access to all the work—I make a selection of a selection which has already been done.

In the 1940s, she worked with a Brownie. Then, in 1951, she bought a Rolleiflex. Technically, much of her early work was poorly done or badly preserved (overexposed, damaged, undeveloped, ruined during the 30 years of storage). In particular, her color photographs have been the hardest to recover. John Maloof has worked with new chemical developers in an effort to develop and recover as much of her color photographs as possible but it has been very, very difficult. I wanted to include color in the exhibition but what you see is only a fraction of what she produced.

Besides the negatives, there are about 5,000 vintage prints that Maier made between 1965-1973, when she was living in Chicago. During those years, she was a nanny and living in the house of the family she worked for. She had her own bedroom and bathroom and transformed her bathroom into a personal darkroom. This was the first and last time she had access to a darkroom in her life.

Looking at these personal prints, it seems to me that she was much more interested in the process of taking photographs than in producing a physical image, a print. In many, many cases, after taking a photograph, the film would be set aside, undeveloped. She was obsessed with recording the world but didn’t necessarily need to see these recordings afterward. Her relationship with the world occurred through her camera, through the process of photographing/filming her surroundings. But once the recording was finished, she wasn’t as interested in looking at the result.

LC: What seemed to interest Maier out in the world? What was her eye drawn towards?

AM: One persistent tendency was her desire to take pictures of people on the periphery. She said that she preferred to shoot in poor neighborhoods because that’s where people are living out on the streets. In rich areas, she couldn’t take as many pictures because rich people stay in their apartments. And in the business centers, people moved too fast to be photographed. So, she spent most of her time in poor neighborhoods, photographing people like her—people outside of society, outside of the establishment, on the edge. There’s a strong connection between her and her subject. It seems like there’s a mirror-like quality in all of her portraits of these people, as if she were present in all her photographs.

Occasionally, she would make portraits of rich people. But these photographs feel very different. There’s something very aggressive about these pictures. She is very close to them and right in their face. It’s like she’s stealing something from them, rather than seeing herself in their image.

And of course, her literal self-portraits are a thread that run throughout her 40 years of photographing. She works brilliantly in this genre. In these photos, it’s where she experiments the most and tries to find her place in the world.

LC: When you were preparing the exhibition, how did you make your selection?

AM: My overarching principle when putting this show together was that I wanted to produce something that she would have agreed with. I wanted to look at her work carefully and prudently, conveying a balance between her portraits, her black and white, her color. I wanted to convey some of the specificity of her style without imposing my own interpretation too strongly. In other words, I didn’t want to take unnecessary risks and invent a Vivian Maier that does not exist.

LC: When you look at her color work versus her black and white work, you feel that the former is very geometric. Do you think that working in color improved her black and white photographs?

AM: Her color photographs focus on the musicality of the image, the forms, the density of the colors. She was really working in the medium of color when she took color photographs. In her black and white work, her focus seems to be on her subjects, the people pictured. She also took most of her self-portraits in black and white.

In the color photographs, the figures begin to disappear. I think the color work announces the end of her life. She’s about to finish making photographs and about to disappear from the world. As her identity is fading, we can feel that fading through the growing abstraction in her images.

LC: What happens next with this amazing collection?

AM: John Maloof is taking care of everything. He is developing the negatives, scanning and digitizing her already printed work, going through her non-photographic materials (audio cassettes) and so on. But there are always new photographs being discovered from the immense archive that she left behind. Every day there are new pictures.

LC: So for many years, we will continue to be delighted with new discoveries.

AM: Indeed—ten years, maybe longer! Her genius continues to shine upon us and grow ever brighter.

—Anne Morin, interviewed by Jim Casper

Editors’ Note: Anne Morin is the director of diChroma photography, which specializes in international traveling photographic exhibitions, as well as in the development and production of cultural projects. She is based in Madrid, Spain.

~ Jim Casper, editor-in-chief of LensCulture · July, 2014.