#this is all a joke I'm sorry

[forbiddentestosterone]

No, no no no no, hold. Stop the story.

Stanley, I need you to be honest with me, now more then ever. Do you. . . Really get no bitches? None? Stanley I need you to be serious with me right now. Surely this is a joke-

It's. . . It's not? I- Stanley, I've given you story after story, adventure after adventure, and you still aren't getting any bitches? I gave you a wife Stanley, I gave you bitches! Are you just not appreciating my work for you?! Stanley, I'm starting to get seriously concerned for your health. If you still can't get any bitches after this I don't- I can't help you Stanley. Let's just- okay. Here, let's do something different this time. Okay? Okay.

[egophiliac]

bring back zooterkins, the best 17th-century swear word

I don't normally do Just Characters Swearing, but. ...this kind of wrote itself and then wouldn't leave my head. it comes from both a piece of character-writing advice that has always stuck with me, and also my conviction that Leona is 1000% funnier as a character if his dialogue has to stay G-rated. let Kalim say fuck, but don't let Leona say bastard.

(I'm sorry)

[just--a--vessel]

He/him pronoun bracelet broke, call that fragile masculinity

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Lan Wangji Goes To Lotus Pier AU: Part 3: Enveloping Feelings.

(Part 1, Part 2, Part 4 (soon))

[pyralart]

In which Luz gets isekai-ed another way

First part >> Next Part

Remember folks, look both ways before crossing the road or this might happen to YOU! This was an advert from the Road Safety Agency (it's not).

Oops, I just dropped the angst! I can reveal that it's inspired by this original post, although I'll put my own spin on it so don't think you know what's gonna happen!

[onesidedradiostatic]

thinking about vox and lucifer being pathetic and wondering how many crackships does this fandom have? no matter how many we could do with another one. not as a real ship though, i don't think lucifer would like vox but they are the perfect crackship.

listen listen this has been brought up to me before but I just think lucifer is too normal for vox. like look at vox's current interests: alastor and valentino. you have to be more of a freak to be under that.

also you need bad eyesight and clearly lucifer's eyesight is fine therefore my perfectly sound logic says vox wouldn't be into lucifer

qualities lucifer has that doesn't appeal to vox:

his eyesight is too good, has to be worse

his eyeballs are YELLOW, they need to be RED

his teeth are WHITE, they have to be unnaturally coloured

does he have an evil laughter? I don't think so

he's not an anthropomorphic animal

he doesn't wear enough red

he doesn't have any antennae or antlers. vox is really into those. he also relates to them

he has too many desirable qualities, vox is only into the REAL fucked up ones

his nickname doesn't rhyme with "al", immediate disinterest for vox

[spiderzlover]

POV: you didn't choose Team Frye💀

[ineffablyruined]

Aziraphale + Bad Literary Jokes (2/?)

[lloydfrontera]

the webcomic can have one (1) funny "earnest moment interrupted by comedy" joke. as a treat. but also because it is so in character for them ajkshdjkas

yes they will say the most earnest shit to each other and then immediately try to cringe out of their own bodies. they are best friends but they would rather jump out of a window before admitting it. they are incredibly devoted and grateful to one another but you could not water board that out of either of them.

the only thing that can get either of them to admit how much they care for each other is if the other is in life threatening danger and not a second before aakjshdks

[spellboundcities]

Another bout of shenanigans from yours truly

[dubiousdisco]

Johnny's ass keeps pushing Sento away from the support on his back because it's too big btw, do you think Sento knows. Is Sento aware that johnny's cheeks are constantly pushing it. And if so, do you think Sento cares at all, being a sword and all. Is that mundane for a sword. Does Sento compare whose backs or waists or butts or hands felt nicer. Does Kenshi know. Would it tell Kenshi that his hands are the most caring but Johnny's ass is the biggest.

[brbarou]

royal pain in the assassin

[royalarchivist]

Fit: You know... There's a reason I'm a loner, that I'm a nomad, that I go from place to place. 'Cuz everywhere I go, people die. Fit: I'm just- I'm a walking bad omen.

I know Fit probably said this as a joke and it wasn't meant to be that deep, but I've got a shovel and I'm ready to dig, because this comment fits his QSMP cubito way too well.

[ Subtitle Transcript ↓ ]

–

Fit: I had nothing to do with any of this! I had nothing to do with any of this! [He notices the Allays trapped in a room and gasps] Ohhh– C'mon, get out of here– You're gonna burn to death! Get out of here.

Fit: This is why I don't walk into churches. This is why I don't walk into churches, for this reason. You know– 'cuz it- it would just burn down. It would just burn down if I walked right in. This is what happens. I'm an unholy man.

[The sound of villagers dying]

Fit: Oh yeah, they're all dead. They're f- they're doomed. They are DOOMED.

Dono: You showed up and the mansion burned itself down, made a crack about never walking into churches, then thunder happened? Your manifestation skills are too damn high dude.

Fit: You know– ok, I'm a little cursed. I'm a little cursed, as you can clearly see. You know... There's a reason I'm a loner, in Minecraft, that I'm a nomad, that I go from place to place. 'Cuz everywhere I go, people die. Ehh... you know? I'm just- I'm a walking bad omen. I'm a walking bad omen. Look at this sht. It's- it- ugh...

Fit: These things happen.

[fleshadept]

the love story being so central to our flag means death really is mindblowing. i haven’t stopped thinking about it for months. it is, to its core, a romance. that was the point. the queer romance wasn’t written in in the second or third season because the fandom picked up on the homoeroticism and made a ship popular. it wasn’t added in because the fans demanded it or because the actors pushed for it later on it wasn’t forced into slowburn by a network it was there the whole time.

when stede showed ed his secret closet that was on purpose an allegory, when they shared the marmalade bread that was romantic intentionally, when they rowed away from the burning party boat and ed was looking at stede that was him FALLING IN LOVE . that's how it was WRITTEN. ed really actually leaned in and almost kissed stede in the moonlight scene. and then. they actually kissed! like i know this is months old news now but i can’t get over how fucking different this feels to other queer romances i’ve seen. it is the core and central plot of the show and it’s beautiful. it’s funny it’s cute it’s heartwarming it’s GOOD. they did it.

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Omg your little doodles for your asks are so sweet 🥺 do you take requests?

Well, you heard him!

[tapakah0]

I'M SORRY I don't like to put something little mine with the great stories I love so much but *inhales* @somerandomdudelmao, @kathaynesart, are you okay with doing this???? *Puts you both in the "Bucket of suffering"*