#this is all so stupid. it's so stupid.

[astromechs]

rebelcaptain, modern au!

so glad i finally get to ramble about some of the Lore i've thought up here but haven't gotten much of a chance to write on yet:

brief character rundowns for this universe! cassian is a war vet who now works as a chef in a high pressure environment and is slowly imploding about it, also he's dealing with chronic pain from a war injury and severe ptsd. jyn came into a career in mma fighting as solace from a turbulent childhood, but recently had a career-ending injury and is struggling both in dealing with that and trying to figure out what the fuck she wants to do with her life from here.

they meet because they're lowkey set up by... melshi, who in this au 1) was in cassian's unit when they were both in the military and they've been friends ever since (also they fucked once upon a time) and 2) got into the mma world after leaving the military and somewhere along the way became jyn's personal trainer. anyway, they're both separately driving him crazy with their respective shit, so he's like... shoves. go hit it off.

and spoilers, oh they do. they hit it off. they hit it off a little TOO well. it isn't cassian and jyn without them being instantly insane about each other, after all; they move in together after, like, a month. bodhi's like i think it's sweet; melshi's like i created this, this is my fault, hello darkness my old friend, but also he's happy for them, he is. anyway, they've got their adjustments and their struggles especially because they're both people who are used to being by themselves but they're making it work

also very shortly after they move in together it is very important to note that jyn adopts this absolute feral gremlin of a cat that she thinks is a perfect angel baby who can do no wrong because he adores the fuck out of her but he's an absolute fucking hellion. his name is oscar. cassian's like what the fuck, has a conniption every time this cat jumps on HIS kitchen counters that are HIS workstation that he keeps clean and ordered in a very precise way!! yeah, cassian, he keeps fucking jumping on your counters because you keep giving him little scraps of food and encouraging this behavior and giving him little scritches behind his ears because you love that little feral gremlin too! (anyway, jyn is the cat's person initially, but then through all of this, cassian also becomes his person. and that's it for the cat. the cat will accept literally no other person. and that's how this cat becomes their feral gremlin baby child.)

which of COURSE becomes a problem when they leave to go spend the holidays with cassian's family and who's the lucky person who gets stuck catsitting oscar? melshi! who calls jyn on facetime while they're in the middle of dinner and she excuses herself to the kitchen to go take the call, and it's melshi with his face covered in scratches screaming at jyn about her hellion cat and jyn screaming back because hOW FUCKING DARE YOU INSULT HIM hE'S PERFECT IN EVERY WAY YOU'RE JUST NOT TRYING HARD ENOUGH. and that ENTIRE facetime screaming match is definitely heard at least two rooms over, and when she hangs up, that's when that occurs to jyn. and... yeah, she's made a pretty fucking terrible first impression, hasn't she? she comes back to the dinner and basically just silently stabs her food violently with her fork the rest of the time. but later that night, she overhears a conversation, without meaning to, between cassian and maarva, the latter of whom is like, "i like her." which is... ok, that's really fucking unexpected, but you know what? she'll take it.

send me a potential au and i'll tell you five facts that happen in the story!

[slyandthefamilybook]

why do you guys talk like you think not voting means no one gets elected

[tiarnanabhfainni]

every single time israel fires on people picking up food or humanitarian aid it truly cuts me to the core. obviously it's equally horrible to fire on civilians escaping the invasion or to bomb hospitals or refugee camps or people just living in their own homes. but there's something so brutal about hitting people right when they have gathered for life-saving aid. by firing on them there the IOF have set up an impossible dilemma where starving people have to choose between death by bullet or death by hunger. they have left no room for palestinians to choose life. i do not know how my government or any other government can just sit by and watch while innocent people continue to be gunned down for the crime of existing in israel's eyeline.

[butchdykekondraki]

all queer discourse could be stopped if we all just remembered that in the eyes of conservative fascists we're all dirty queers polluting their kids minds who need to be eradicated at all costs

[officialspec]

can i say something. for years i thought the joke of the song short skirt/long jacket by cake was that he wanted a woman who was hung like a horse. like i thought when he says jacket it was a last-second fakeout because he very obviously meant to say cock. and the rest of the things in the song were just her personality and interests. which were secondary to her awesome penis

[nedlittle]

it drives me bonkers the way people don't know how to read classic books in context anymore. i just read a review of the picture of dorian gray that said "it pains me that the homosexual subtext is just that, a subtext, rather than a fully explored part of the narrative." and now i fully want to put my head through a table. first of all, we are so lucky in the 21st century to have an entire category of books that are able to loudly and lovingly declare their queerness that we've become blind to the idea that queerness can exist in a different language than our contemporary mode of communication. second it IS a fully explored part of the narrative! dorian gray IS a textually queer story, even removed from the context of its writing. it's the story of toxic queer relationships and attraction and dangerous scandals and the intertwining of late 19th century "uranianism" and misogyny. second of all, i'm sorry that oscar wilde didn't include 15k words of graphic gay sex with ao3-style tags in his 1890 novel that was literally used to convict him of indecent behaviour. get well soon, i guess...

[unpretty]

the thing about having been really broke. averaging $500 a month in a good year broke. using a gamestop credit card i shouldn't have qualified for to buy taco bell gift cards for food broke. is that i am SO bad with money. i have a degree in accounting and i am so bad with money. i do not think of myself as superstitious at all but money feels so cursed. not in a spiritual way, i mean literally. practically.

having 'too much' money feels so bad. money is a thing you spend as soon as you get it because it's so cursed. the more it is the more cursed it is. i save too much money and bad things will happen that cost all my money. money is a thing that summons expenses. if i have no money and the car breaks down i find a way to make it work. i scrounge and resell and pass the hat and talk to my mom's friend's friend who knows a guy and in the end i'm so relieved to be right back where i started. but if i were saving my money for a new computer and then the car broke down, the money is just gone. i spent the money i saved for a thing i wanted on a thing i needed instead and after all that hoping i'm right back where i started.

i get a windfall and i set the money aside because if i'm careful that's enough to pay for gas for months. but then i need to pay for heat and i apply for assistance and they look at my bank account and see i have money and now they won't help pay for heat. soon it's just a habit. i get the money and i spend the money. immediately, as soon as possible, get this money away from me. don't even save enough for cigarettes. i can find money for cigarettes, somehow i can always find money for cigarettes. cigarette money is a weird magical fake money i summon from dark corners whenever i run out of cigarettes. i don't know how it works either. i've tried to summon the cigarette money for things that aren't cigarettes and it never works. just get this out of my bank account. get it out of here before something notices there's money here.

anyway i'm working on it but god it's hard

[egophiliac]

tsum events really are just the best, huh

[lotus-pear]

clowns in court

[thankstothe]

this show rewires you fundamentally in 60 seconds and then just goes on to have more seasons. audacity

[stuckinapril]

I love Tumblr because nothing matters here truly. There are no influencers. Having followers doesn’t mean anything. It’s just a site where people post their sporadic thoughts and rb pretty pictures. Anyone who thinks any of this matters is woefully missing the point

[ochi06]

🦔☕️🤖oh i see how it's gonna be

[ohposhers]

This started as a shitpost and then I just kept going anyway AU where Floyd eventually forgives Veneer and they end up becoming besties a few years down the line and have girls nights ugh [NOT SHIP ART!!!] aaand Bonus doodle of when they take the curlers out or some shit dont look at me man

[cube-cumb3r]

speaking of ten people always draw him with the classic suit n tie combo How come no one draw him in the iconic 3 Shirts 2 Jackets Fit :( ?

[dyke-in-crisis]

drop your most self indulgent magnus protocol prophecy. mine is that gwen will be mentioned to have a wife and then in one ep casually drop that said wifes surname was Lukas before they got married. this will have no plot relevancy at all, just a little treat for the lesbian lonelyeyes ogs

[cherries-and-knives]

Matthias: *has one Unholy™️ thought about nina*

Matthias to himself: TAKE A WALK YOU ABSOLUTE WHORE. AND WHILE YOUR AT IT YOU MIGHT AS WELL JUMP IN A RIVER YOU SLUT.