#this is for all the people who wonder if they've experienced a crush or not

[hmshermitcraft]

Some academic tomfoolery: newbie marine biologist Grian is trying to study some FASCINATING odd seal behaviour. this species of seals are using and making tools and doing more obvious vocal mimicry than usual along with lots of complex seal noises! incredible! Seal stone age and plausibly language! Though it's mostly more...bone age...lots of chewed-into-shape bones. He should probably get an anthropologist in on this but this is like, one of his first projects, he'd have to actually publish this first.

There's even a particularly tool-smart one who seems to be poking around at a fresh shipwreck and keeps coming up on Grian's boat? Grian's wished them luck with whatever they're trying to do with the destroyed boat (it had belonged to some rich guy and experienced bizarre problems at sea one day and wrecked some rocks where it absolutely shouldn't have been) but he's not risking going there That Boat. Sometimes bits of it moves. He thinks the seal is discovering redstone. They've definitely discovered fire and cooking, there's a deliberate campfire there some days and he's seen them with cooked seagull and fish.

also there is a Very Attractive Mechanic-In-Training, Mumbo, who's been working on his boat and seems to think Grian's research is funny without ever actually doubting any of it and has a very fancy and clearly custom-made dappled black and grey jacket that might actually be real pelt. He's going to the same university Grian's doing research with, finishing his degree in nautical engineering; he's getting so much extra credit fixing all the bizarre problems Grian's boat keeps getting. Some of them are Grian's fault, some of them are just things breaking because they're on a boat, and some of them are very smart seals investigating the boat and breaking it in new and bizarre ways.

Who even tries to shuck a boat? Idiot seal juveniles with bone-and-wood shellfish harvesting tools, apparently. At least, Mumbo is convinced it's an attempted boat-shucking, and not just stabbing the boat to see what'd happen or because they don't like it.

Mumbo and Grian hit it off, Mumbo seeming to have a crush at first sight - he's so flustered when Grian talks to him the first time!

Grian's been telling Mumbo all about his research, and Mumbo's been telling Grian all about his studies, and they've been getting along really well and even starting to cautiously flirt and go out to places together. Mumbo has tales about the mess half the fishing boats in the area are in, some people just don't maintain their boats right.

And then one day Grian spots the genius seal caught in a fishing net and, well, he dives down to save them. Just in time to see them try to save themself by turning into Mumbo the boat mechanic. Turns out selkies are real. At least the different shape means he's less stuck so they can free him easier.

And just to make it worse: Mumbo's the genius seal who's been on his boat in seal form before, multiple times, starting when Grian was just starting out his research and had no idea how smart these seals were. And messed with Grian's stuff. Grian had called him a "glorious chonker" and "beauty" and "smarter than a Grian" to his face. Which was his first meeting with Mumbo apparently. No wonder he'd been so flustered the first time he worked on Grian's boat! And several other times after!

(Though now he has a new research avenue: what's with the majority of selkies being unable to take human form? Sure, joining human society enough to study boats was apparently very difficult for Mumbo, but - it'd be a lot easier to make those tools if more than a few of them could have thumbs.)

longpost anon. have some selkie mumbo.

What's even worse - the worst thing ever, actually - is that Mumbo had to rescue Grian. From attempting to rescue Mumbo. Because Grian got caught in the net afterwards.

And now he never lets Grian live it down. He's even started his own "research" paper! On the Study of a Grian. Not only has Grian discovered selkies exist, but apparently they're able to bully him!

Jeez. And Mumbo has to be hot too. Selkies just get it all, huh?

[gemini-sensei]

Thinking about Reader who is best friends with Moon and Yasmine. She's rich and pretty, curvy and gorgeous. Moon loves Reader's curves and admires them from the side for so long. They end up getting together after a day by the pool and Reader caught Moon staring. Yasmine is their number one supporter while also teasing the hell out of them. It's super sweet and they're the It couple everyone wants to be or are jealous of.

Then there's shy!Eli, who wants to be with them.

He has a big fat crush on the couple. He shares a class with them where they are so cute all of the time. Then he shares a class with just Moon and he helps her when she has questions. He and Reader are lab partners and she's so kind and sweet. They're both so good at heart and are wonderful people, it's no wonder he falls for them. Not to mention they are both absolutely gorgeous.

So when they're at the library together, he's surprised to find the couple making out between the shelves at the back of the room. They're supposed to be finding topics for a research paper, not sucking face. Not that he says anything to them about it. He's flustered to have found them and they just giggle when they realize he's there. They run away and leave him a cute little mess.

The next time he runs into them, they're getting high in Moon's car in a parking lot. He didn't know he was walking up on them smoking dope but he knew he saw them. He just wanted to make sure they were okay because he didn't think they'd just be sitting in her car. They smile when they see him and invite him to smoke. He was just at the comic shop but he has nowhere else to be, so he just shyly says yes. He just can't say no to them.

They all pile into the backseat and they give him his first blunt. He coughs and they laugh and tell him that's normal. He doesn't plan on smoking a lot of Moon's weed because he thinks that's rude, but he smokes more than he thinks he does. They're all so high and giggly.

Eli is so relaxed and unbothered by anything. He can't even worry about his lip and how the two beautiful ladies think of him because of it. He's just so mesmerized by them as they feel each other up and giggle. Then all of a sudden he's between them and Reader is feeling up his chest while Moon is kissing his neck. He's so flustered but he's so high he can hardly feel it. He's just in heaven at that moment.

Then Reader grabs his face and kisses him and it's his first kiss and amazing. He melts into it and he has a hand her waist and his other hand is on Moon's. They're taking care of him and he feels like he's on cloud nine. Reader is giggly when she pulls out of the kiss and pecks his lips again and again and again. And then he's making out with Moon while Reader plays with his hair.

They take him back to Moon's place and make out a lot more. They're too high to function and do much more than kiss and giggle and touch each other. They end up on Moon's bed and he's in between them. They keep pulling his head side to side for kisses and then sometimes they switch and are making out with each other with him watching and it's so intense but at the same time not. It's the most of any affectionate and attention Eli has ever witnessed let alone experienced. He feels so lucky and in the most genuine way too because he's a loser in his mind, why did these two beautiful ladies choose him to kiss on and make out with of all people?

When things start winding down, he does ask them that. Reader giggles and answers, "Because we like you, duh."

Mood adds, "Yeah, we've thought you're super cute for a while now. And your so nice. And kind. And handsome..."

"Me? Handsome?" he stutters.

They hum and nod and snuggle up to him. They're tired now, the weed making them sleepy on top of all the furious making out and groping and touching they've been doing. Eli himself can barely keep his eyes open.

"So handsome," Moon hums.

Reader brushes her thumb over Eli's scar. "Amd sexy... in a cute nerdy way."

They giggle and kiss his face, tickling him and he laughs and blushes and can't believe he's in this situation. What does this all mean?

Well, when they're all sober, the ladies ask Eli to be their boyfriend and he shyly agrees. They pull him in for lots of kisses and hugs and little make out sessions. It's tooth-rottingly sweet but Eli couldn't be happier. Here he was thinking he'd never get a girlfriend and then all of a sudden he has two. Two amazing, sweet, lovely girlfriends.

[aspecpplarebeautiful]

Hello! I was wondering if you could help me figure something out. I've only ever had a few crushes (more if you count the feeling of "I'd like to study that person under a microscope like a bug", but I think that's different lol). I definitely don't want to date anyone right now, and the idea of kissing specifically seems really gross. Usually when I imagine my goals for the future, I want to be living in a small apartment by myself. However, sometimes I think that it would be nice to have someone, usually after I've just been to a wedding or something. Additionally, I'm in some fandoms where x reader type stories are really popular, and I enjoy reading those.

So. The labels I've been considering — if I am even on the a-spec — are aroflux, grayromantic, orchidromantic, lithromantic, and bellusromantic. Thoughts on which one, if any, I should use? Thank you~

None of these labels would necessarily be wrong, at this stage it might be more helpful to think less in terms of 'is it accurate' (technically they all are), and more in terms of aspects of how I experience my identity is important to me to describe. What do I want to communicate to others with my labels? Do I feel a connection to any of these labels? How specific or how broad to I want to be with my identity?

So for example someone who prefers to define themselves more broadly might prefer to use a label like grayromantic but not want to use more specific labels than that while others might find it more useful to use labels that are more detailed. Someone who feels the crushes they've experienced are an important part of their identity might prefer to use orchidromantic or lithromantic. etc.

Another label you might want to look into if you haven't considered it already is aegoromantic. Which means someone who has romantic feelings or things they find romantic, but they don't want to be a participant in romance themselves. People who like romance in theory (for example romantic fantasies, romance in fiction, etc.) sometimes find this a useful label too.

There's no rules when picking labels, just what works for you. You can use one or a combination, you can try them out temporarily, you can adjust later if something isn't working for you or doesn't feel right. The important thing to remember at this stage is that things are more subjective, so the most important thing is what works for you and feels right for you.

All the best, Anon! Good luck!

[whitehotharlots]

Taylor Swift: The BPD Christ

The New York Times just ran a reeeaaalllly creepy, 5,000 word piece speculating that Taylor Swift is secretly queer. It follows a pattern familiar to those of us who spent any time on schizoid identity tumblr in the early twenty-teens, purporting that Swift has long been issuing secret, coded messages in her lyrics and manner of dress:

When looking back on the artifacts of the months before that album’s release, any close reader of Ms. Swift has a choice. We can consider the album’s aesthetics and activism as performative allyship, as they were largely considered to be at the time. Or we can ask a question, knowing full well that we may never learn the answer: What if the “Lover Era” was merely Ms. Swift’s attempt to douse her work — and herself — in rainbows, as so many baby queers feel compelled to do as they come out to the world?

Understandably, the piece generated a strong sense of confusion and disgust among people whose brains have not yet completely melted. And you might be wondering... just, how? This shit was disquieting enough when it was confined to the blogs of mentally unwell pre-teens. How did this get printed in the country's largest newspaper? A-and not even in the Entertainment section, this was a featured OpEd.

Well, I got a theory. Stick with me:

It's very common for pre-pubescent girls to develop strong emotional/romantic attachments to celebrities and pretend that they're dating. These fantasies usually resolve themselves by the the time the girls fully enter puberty and begin experiencing sexual attraction to people around their own age.

I read an academic paper about this years ago. I can't find it now, but here's a good summary from Psychology Today:

Consider crushes are of two kinds – identity crushes and romantic crushes. In both cases, the teenager feels smitten by a compelling person who captivates their attention, for good and ill. (A third kind is the celebrity crush that shapes ideals and stirs fantasies, but there is usually no interpersonal contact to play them out. However, this is definitely where the market for celebrity posters comes in, to decorate teenage bedroom walls.)In all three cases, the young person largely projects onto another person idealized attributes the admirer highly values and wants to be associated with. Then she or he attaches strong positive feelings to the perfectly wonderful image that has been created. Crushes have more to do with fantasy than with reality, and they tell much more about the admirer than the admired. It’s because they usually prove unrealistic that in a relatively short time they soon wear off. But it is because of the idealization that crushes have such momentary power. This is why parents need to respect an adolescent crush and not dismiss or put it down. After all, it is an early approximation of love. While it lasts it is seriously held, so it should be seriously treated.

Again, this is completely normal when it's done by young girls.

My theory is as follows: I think people stop emotionally developing at whatever age they become terminally online. If you start posting at age 11, you're going to emotionally be 11 years old until you die.

I sincerely believe this is the only explanation for Swift's messianic popularity. She is the Christ figure for grown women with severe personality disorders, which is basically every woman who was born after 1990 or so. Taylor is not just an artist, nor even an aspirational figure. They've all convinced themselves that Taylor is their best friend and that she just happens to evince all the traits they desire in a woman who exists without sin. Anything that contradicts this--such as Taylor being a straight woman--must be refuted.

[packedandstrapped]

can u give me ideas on how to come out? i’m 22 and known i was a lesbian since i was around 14-15 and have been too scared to come out because of my parents. i value what my parents say and ik they aren’t going to accept me so when i come out to them, they’re gonna say they disown me and kick me out or some other shit, but it’s gonna make me spiral into a depression (haha). but i can’t keep living a lie man living like this is hard especially when my parents keep trying to set me up with men. when i was in highschool, i tried so hard to give them hints i didn’t like men, i never dated them, never talked about them, hell even begged my mom to wear a suit to prom, but she told me it was “un lady like” and made me wear a dress. i just love my family so much and i don’t want them to hate me but living this lie has made me hate myself. no matter what i do it’s a lose lose situation. this has caused me so many problems. i literally use to have an eating disorder because of how much anxiety of my parents finding out i was gay would give me. i’ve tried to convince my self to like men and i just can’t. i feel like something is so so wrong with me and i can’t. it makes me not wanna live anymore i wouldn’t wish this on anyone. i know this is lowkey cringy to be telling someone all this, but i just really really need advice on this because i just can’t keep living everyday a lie.

Hey friend- please feel free to DM off anon if you want to talk. I will chat with you about this stuff literally any time.

There's nothing wrong with who you are. Your message feels like something I could have written at 19-20 years old. When you said you value what your parents say, I felt that in my core. I want to be able tell you that everyone comes around and they'll totally understand and accept you. But sometimes it's not that way. And the people that claim to love us the most can only give that love when we fit into the box they've created for us. This might sound hokey, but reading The Four Agreements really helped me identify the space between my parents ideas and my own. I will send you a copy if you're interested in reading.

It's no wonder that you're experiencing so much anxiety and worry about coming out. For a lot of us, coming out as gay to our parents is the first time we truly see them disappointed in us. There's a crushing weight to our parents thinking we're actively trying to hurt them by living our lives authentically. I hope that's not the case for you.

If I could do it all over again, I would journal about it for a few days. I'd practice the important phrases I want to get out. I would focus on the simple message I wanted to send rather than trying to navigate their feelings. I would try to think about the various reactions I might get and have one or two general ideas of how I could respond neutrally. And despite all of this, I'm sad to say even though I would have felt more in control, I'd still be just as wounded coming out of it. I understand the fear you have in disappointing your parents because it's been a reality for me for almost twenty years. They've never let up on reminding me that while they're proud of my accomplishments, it's despite my otherness rather than a celebration of what a queer person can do. They refuse to use the word "wedding" or "wife" and they give us a room with two twin beds when we go to visit. The microaggressions never cease. What's changed now is how much of myself I let them see. Now it's about what makes me comfortable instead of existing around them in a box that never fit right. It's still hard- I regularly grieve the relationship I wish I had with my parents. But as I've aged, I've realized that my friends are my family. They are they ones that have been there and show up for me unconditionally. They're the ones I have turned to when I needed a place to stay, a job, or a listening ear. They get it.

I don't know how you feel most comfortable communicating with your parents, but think about what it would look like to say the words out loud or in a text. Try not to feel bad about telling them this information. You are being truthful and honest and that's what is important. You are giving them the gift of seeing you for who you really are; to celebrate you in the way you want to be seen in this world. Don't worry about doing it the wrong way because sometimes there just isn't a defined right way. I know it's scary but the sooner you get it off your chest, the sooner you can fall into the comfort of your real self.

Come back or DM me if you need anything, friend. We need you here.

[guardian-of-gotham]

//Forgot to share this earlier but I was recently followed by a gender critical account, and I just want to clarify that anyone who aligns themselves with terfs and their ideology can kindly f*** off my blogs. I feel bad for this person specifically, bc they clearly are going through some stuff and have gotten their mind polluted by people who are encouraging them to change themself at the risk of self-hatred. Whatever end their gender discovery journey comes to, I hope it's one where they are happy with themself and kind to others. I decided not to block them, because I don't want them further isolating themself into a cult of hate, but having gone through the things they've posted and liked, I have never seen such a slurry of wild and contradictory takes. So, I'm going to share some facts about myself.

I am AFAB, nonbinary, biromantic, and asexual. All of these identities are intertwined in an inseparable way. After discovering I was asexual at 14, I got involved in the LGBT community, unlearned some of my hatred for men (bc I also might've been at risk of being influenced by radfems if things had gone differently), and learned about nonbinary genders for the first time. I immediately felt a connection to being nonbinary, because the only thing that made me proud to be a girl was that the only other option I knew of was being a boy, and I thought boys were gross and the worst. However, I didn't admit I was actually nonbinary and not just a girl who wanted to be quirky for another few years after.

Knowing I was asexual helped me come to terms with having crushes on trans guys and masculine nonbinary people, because if I didn't care about anything but personality and outer appearance, there was no point getting hung up on what parts my crushes might have. To people who do care, that's your preference. Sexuality is a complicated and fluid thing, but nobody should force themselves or be forced into a relationship with someone they don't want. I find it a bit odd when people who wouldn't normally be attracted to someone's outer appearance are suddenly down to be with them when they learn what parts they have, but my confusion doesn't make those people's experiences any less valid.

Eventually, the nagging feeling that I might be nonbinary grew large enough that I started experimenting with a new name and pronouns, and for the first time in my life, I experienced gender euphoria. I don't know how to describe it exactly. It's not like feeling pretty. It's kinda just feeling seen and like yourself, and it's wonderful. My eyes felt open after having been closed all my life, and there was a whole new world of possibilities within me. I did not experience gender dysphoria until I was continuously denied that euphoria by people still clearly seeing me as a girl and truscum discourse online making me doubt myself and the validity of that euphoria. To anyone who thinks you can get past dysphoria by ignoring your discomfort and conforming to a cisgender life, congratulations, that makes it worse, and you're an a**hole.

After coming to terms with my gender and working through a bit more denial, I finally realized I was attracted to feminine people and girls of all sorts and started identifying as bi. I don't feel like pan accurately describes me, but I have nothing but love for my fellow mspec friends.

Given all this info, I don't think terf ideology knows what to do with me. I am someone who was born and raised a girl, has experienced fear and trauma at the hands of men, was not uncomfortable with being feminine but also didn't conform to femininity, actively repressed the idea that I might be trans, has not physically transitioned in a permanent way yet (although, I'm strongly leaning towards top surgery after having a kid one day), and recognizes all genders as valid and capable of both acts of good and evil. Y'all can claim whatever you like, but trans people are real and deserve the euphoria of being themselves. Also, you can't claim to love and welcome trans people if you proudly identify with a term that literally includes "trans-exclusive". And for those of you that claim being gender critical means abolishing the notion of gender, leaving people's birth sex as the only divider, I hope you enjoy not being able to access women's spaces without showing off your genitals, because that's already what's happening to the poor girls having to go through sexually invasive physical exams at schools enforcing bans against trans athletes playing on sports teams that match their gender identity. Cis women also get victimized by trans bathroom laws, but you guys claim to love butches and gnc girls. Like, I'm all for women having safe spaces, but trans women are women too, and any ideology that bases itself on hate and exclusion of other vulnerable groups is not one that I can get behind.

Feel free to share this, but anyone clowning around in the notes or misgendering anyone, will be blocked, screenshot, and reported. I don't have time for your bigotry.

[cleake]

hi! can you do a fic or hcs about Neville having a crush on his male best friend? like they're both kinda unpopular losers so they've stuck together throughout the years and Neville tries to hide his feelings for him because he's shy and nervous it'll ruin their friendship (maybe some internalised homophobia or fear since it's set in the 90s who knows)

(thank you!!!)

Hi, hi! I like this idea a lot. I hope that you will like it :) (I also forgot that Tumblr exists, sorry for the long wait)

Being friends is easy, at least most of the time. You get to be with your favourite person. You can talk to them, tell them anything, and always come to them when you need help. And they will always help you because you are friends. But when does that line cross? When does friendship become something more? And what is that something more? Why does it happen? To whom and where? What actions can be considered friendship, and what is the other thing? How can you tell if something is more than a friendship? How can you stop seeing someone as your friend and maybe something more? How can you love your friends without loving them with all honesty? How does it work? Why does it happen? And why does it happen to Neville?

You two have been friends for a long time, two boys standing together against all the rest of the world, it seems. You two always have stuck together, always been together, from the first moment you saw each other. Is that destiny? Is that a provided friendship? Is it more? Who knows? But to Neviile, it felt like fate. It felt like you got brought to this world for him and him alone. Is that something more than friendship?

He has always been in awe of you. You were the most fantastic person he had ever known! Or at least the one he had ever known. He never had a lot of friends. But that didn't matter to him because you were the greatest. You were his ideal of a brave person, a brave young man who faced lots of difficulties in life. Yes, you had moments of failure and sadness, but they never held you back. You had people who disliked and openly disgraced you, but you didn't care about them. But, most importantly, you never turned your back on Neville. You have always been there whenever he needed someone. And that was the most beautiful thing anyone had ever done for him.

You and Neville. Neville and you. It was such a thing for Neville to have you as a friend. He was always grateful for your time and company, for your compassion and loyalty. Neville had never experienced those things and was so happy you gave them to him! But maybe he liked you so much because you were the only one. The only one who was kind to him. The only one who was his friend. But then again, he didn't have a problem with that. He was the happiest to call you his only friend, his only, his only boy, no one else’s.

And Neville was happy. Very happy.

It was so natural for you two to hang out, and talk to each other about everything your minds could understand and see, sharing moments of vulnerability and trust in ways that many people wouldn't understand. Neville felt like you were his safe place, his home, his boy that he could always nuzzle in a warm embrace that felt true and tender. Neville slowly started to wonder how your lips felt and how they could kiss his, how would you kiss him? But that's just theoretical speculation, nothing real.

You two would often sit together on the school’s porch, talking and smiling together, sharing soft glances and brief touches that seemed accidental but felt like held secret intent. Neville would feel his heart beating faster in your presence, loving your smile, your voice rumbling deep in your chest that echoed sweetly in his eyes, your delicate eyes, skin, and hair, all so inviting and warm. Almost as if they belonged to him alone, as if he was the only one to understand the meaning behind every little detail of your features. He almost wouldn't notice some Griffindors passing you two to only stop and stare, perfidious grins on their lips and eyes glaring at you two with malicious goals. Neville and you only noticed them when they started to speak, their voices loud and ridiculous as they started to call you two “fairies”, sitting next to each other like two girls. Neville felt his heart clench in his chest and his eyes remorsefully glanced down while his lips twitched, the laughter and giggles of the Griffindor students made him feel embarrassed. But then he was broken out of his shame when he felt your soft hand over his, your fingers gently intertwining with his making his mind ease and his heart breathe freely. He shifted his shy eyes towards you as you scolded the stupid Griffindors with confidence only you had, making Neville smile softly. The boys made a few more comments, mocking you two and the way you held Neville’s hand but they moved on, getting bored with harassing you both. Neville felt relieved, staying only with you again, safe again. You looked at him with the caring eyes that you'd often offer him and asked him if he was alright to which Neville nodded his head. Both of you smiled again, your hands staying linked between you two in a soft and gentle embrace and Neville was happy again with you. You leaned towards him and pressed a sweet peck on his curly locks, making him pause for a moment as he processed your gesture, his heart beating faster with hope. He smiled and kissed your head in return, causing you to chuckle happily.

[ayatar]

How to Handle Crushes

Secret crushes are going on pretty much all the time (in our minds), driving us to ecstasy and quite a bit of pain too.

[bunnyywritings]

bubbly s/o opens up about trauma pt. 1

bakugou katsuki & shouto todoroki x gn!reader

word count: 1.8k

requested by anon: Katsu, Sho, Izu, and Eiji headcanons to their bubbly, and sweet crush, and close friend, opening up to them about being abused by their parents growing up? They've gotten therapy and are living with their Grandparents but sometimes they get upset when someone brings up parents or asks about the scars from abuse. They tell them they shared this with them because they refused to lie to them. They hug him close, thanking him for being a good friend. -Morp

[a/n: i hope you don’t mind that I’m doing it in parts anon! i ended up doing scenarios for each one, i'm a bit rusty so i apologize if this isn't very well done. you can read part 2 [ here ] ,thank you for requesting sweet heart! here you go! - yours truly, bunny -`ღ´- ]

TW: mentions of parental abuse & scars, nothing explicit but implied

To an extent, he always knew. Maybe not the specifics, but whenever you were alone and thought no one was paying any attention, you’d let your guard down. The metaphorical sparkle in your eyes would dim, your shoulders would slump as if you were taking a break. Then someone would approach and in the blink of an eye, the sparkle was back and the familiar grin on your lips was present once again. Despite what others may think, Bakugou was a good friend.

He worried about you. A lot.

That may be due to the fact that he has a huge crush on you, but it was unlikely. He values your friendship so much. He’d rather have you as a friend than anything else, really. That was mainly his insecurity talking though. He just thought he wasn’t good enough for you. No one was, really. But that’s besides the point.

He had never explicitly said anything about his feelings for you but he didn’t need to. It was quite clear through his actions. Well...clear to everyone but you, that is. Even Aizawa had caught on. And he couldn’t care less about his students’ love lives. He’s had his fill of teenage angst and drama.

During training, he’d always make sure your water bottle was full or during lunch he’d keep an eye out and make sure you were eating. Sometimes he’d even give you extra pieces of meat from his plate, or if he had veggies he knows you like, he’d wordlessly place them into your rice bowl.

Now this wasn’t one sided at all. You also had your ways of looking out for him.

If you were doing a convenience store run with Sero and you saw the particular snack that Bakugou likes, you’d instantly grab a few. For his birthday, you had gotten him custom earplugs for quirk training. It had been after you and him were paired to spar against each other, he always insisted on not holding back against you out of respect, and you had experienced one of his full blown attacks head-on. Your ears were ringing for about half an hour before you could somewhat hear again, and even then, everything was a bit muffled.

Needless to say, you were worried about his hearing

He scoffed and rolled his eyes when he unwrapped the box. Scolding you for wasting money on something he had no use for.

He always uses them though. Especially when he’s doing stamina training, and it’s explosion after explosion.

Anyways. He notices your strange behavior, one day. You stopped trying to keep up the façade and you were sort of gloomy all day. He was absolutely pissed that no one had noticed the change, and he’d yell at them later for it, but he kept his cool and waited until he could be alone with you.

It had been around 8pm, just an hour before his bedtime, when he made some tea for the both of you and carried it up to your dorm room. He paused in front of your door, looking down at both his hands, a mug in each one, then looking at the door handle. Realizing he won't be able to physically open the door by himself, he awkwardly bumped the door with his elbow.

“Hey idiot, it’s me. Open the door.” He grumbled quietly, frowning when you hadn’t responded. Before he could repeat himself a little more aggressively, the muffled sound of your sniffling made his stomach drop. Panic rising throughout his body as he made up worst case scenarios in his head.

“(Y/n), seriously. Is everything okay?” All attempts to sound calm failed as his voice betrayed him, trembling the slightest bit.

On the other side of the door, you started to panic. Furiously wiping any evidence of tears or snot from your face before you slumped over to the door, turning the lock and tugging it open to reveal a frowning Bakugou. He wasn’t upset, he was worried. It was evident in his red irises.

“Here. Drink it before it gets cold.” He handed you a mug before walking past you and into your room. He admired the decor everytime he was in there, no matter how many times he had seen it already, it never failed to make his heart warm. You had a wall full of pictures of yourself with your friends. There were a few solo photos of your friends as well. Most were candid shots, there were a fair few of him.

It always reminded him that beauty is indeed in the eye of the beholder. You cherished those candid photos because in your eyes, when your friends were carefree and themselves, no poses, no facade, that’s when they were their most beautiful.

He took a seat on your bed and patted the space beside him. Nudging the door shut, you made your way over and got comfortable.

“What’s up with you today? You seemed...not yourself.”

You didn’t respond, opting to take a sip of your tea. He knew there was something up and he wasn’t gonna push you. So he leaned back and got comfortable, waiting until you were ready. It was a solid three minutes of silence before you took a deep breath.

“I-I don’t want to lie to you, Katsuki. It just wouldn’t be fair so uhh, yeah. Here goes.” He could tell that this was overwhelming for you so, wordlessly, he put down his mug and held his hand out to you and you grasped it, like it was a lifeline.

And you told him.

You told him about the abuse from your own parents. He felt his blood boil as you showed him a few scars inflicted by your parents’ quirks. You explained that it was the anniversary of the day you ran away and went to live with your grandparents, and how you had been seeing a therapist on the regular since then.

It pained him to see you struggle through the tears, hiccuping a few times as you attempted to catch your breath. You didn’t even have to say it but he could see it, it was an all too familiar feeling to him. He tugged you to him, letting go of your hand and pulling you into his chest, his arms wrapping you up in a warmth that made the stinging tears return.

“You know, this doesn’t make me think less of you. You’re not weak. Those bastards don’t realize how bad they screwed up. You’re strong, and they’re gonna regret every goddamn choice they’ve made when they see how far you’ll go.”

“Thank you.” You whimpered as you gave in to the new wave of tears, hooking your arms around his shoulders. “Thank you…”

If anyone asks, no...he wasn’t crying. (He was though.)

If anyone was familiar with the signs of abuse, it was him. 

It hurt him so much knowing that you had gone through what he did, maybe not to the same extreme but you had experienced it nonetheless. 

He admired you though. Despite whatever happened to you, you were always bright. Always in a good mood and always choosing to see the good in people. He knows that he didn’t have the strength to do that. Maybe eventually, but not so soon. He had never wanted to pry. You guys were friends, practically best friends and he trusted that you’d tell him when you were ready. 

To his knowledge, no one knew. No one mentioned the way you’d flinch around sudden movements or when someone raised their voice. Honestly, it was a wonder that you had even befriended Iida. He was the epitome of loud and sudden. Always waving his arms around at the randomest times and always shouting to chastise someone for breaking a rule. 

He noticed that you tended to cover up your torso often. Never really wearing anything more revealing than a normal t-shirt. Even on the class trip to the beach, you insisted on staying covered up. No one questioned it, chalking it up to insecurity. Even during training when everyone had to wear their gym uniform, while others undid the top part and wrapped it around their waist, being clad in a tank top or sports bra, you had always kept it on. Even when it was extremely hot. More often than not, he found himself resting his palm against your forehead to cool you off. 

It hadn’t been very hot, but Aizawa decided to run everyone ragged with combat training, so everyone was partnered up. Todoroki had been partnered with Denki and you had been paired up with Eijirou.

As he sat with his classmates, watching the two of you spar, he was quite impressed. Not that he doubted your skill but both fighting styles were drastically different. Eijirou and his quirk relied on close combat while your quirk worked best with long-range. He could see the frustration on your face when Eijirou kept charging towards you and engaging in hand to hand.

As the fight went on, Kirishima had hardened his forearm and hand, kinda like a makeshift blade and as he took you down, he had accidentally cut the top of your gym uniform. As the dust settled and the both of you got up, the tear in your clothes allowed the whole class to see your back and shoulders, skin littered with scars. All were different in size, color, severity, etc. 

Everyone was stunned silent, not having expected anything like this. 

“(Y/n)...what happened?” You could feel the breeze on your back and the pity in Kirishima’s eyes made you angry.

Everyone suddenly snapped into realization. Various questions of; ‘who did that to you?’, ‘where did those come from?’ and whatnot were shot at you from different directions. He could see you slowly being overwhelmed by everything. His heart dropped as he made eye contact with you, your eyes tired and filled with tears. 

“That’s ENOUGH!” Everyone froze and looked at Todoroki with wide eyes, his voice booming.

Sensing the tension starting to rise, Aizawa sighed. 

“Alright everyone settle down. Training is over, get back to class. (Y/n). A word.” 

Reluctantly, Todoroki followed the boys into the locker room and changed into his school uniform.  When everyone was out and he returned outside to the training grounds, you and Aizawa weren’t there so he had gone back to the locker rooms. He knocked and called out to you. 

“Can I come in?” He heard a meek ‘yeah.’ So he carefully made his way inside. 

There you were, dressed in your school uniform and sat on a bench with your face buried in your hands, shoulders shaking. 

“(Y/n)...” He gently placed a hand on your shoulder, he winced when you looked up at him. IIt ached him to see your beautiful eyes tainted by tears. 

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner Sho…” Your bottom lip quivered. 

“Please, don’t apologize.” He opened his arms. You stood up and basically collapsed into them, clutching onto the back of his blazer. “Just always remember that I may understand more than anyone else will. I’ll never judge you, you know that right?” 

“I know…It’s just, ugh-” You pulled away and wiped the tears from your face. “I don’t want anyone to change how they look at me because of what my parents did to me and when everyone saw, and they were asking all of their questions, their eyes...they were just full of pity.” 

“Then look into mine.”

And when you did, you didn’t see pity. 

You saw admiration. You saw belonging. Love. Understanding. 

“Nothing will ever change with me, (Y/n).” He pressed his forehead against yours, “I will always be here for you.” 

[sunandscales]

No cause that whole "he's happy with alberto, until he learns there's more." pissed me OFF. It's such a both homophobic AND biphobic thing to say it just implies not only that homosexual people are "missing out" but also feeds the stupid stereotype that bisexual people can't be loyal to their partners. And not only that it's just really disrespectful to alberto like why'd you do my boy like that. As a bisexual person I say this trust me I want bi rep just as much as everyone does but it HAS to be good, it has to work out. If the implication is harmful and the rep is gonna be bad it's better for it not to be rep at all, as much as if it harms more than one group. That's why bi luca headcanons can make me so mad, bcs it'd be TERRIBLE bi rep. The whole concept of luca being bi in the context of the events of the movie is both so homophobic and biphobic too, it just twists the whole allegory and especially the ending. Mf threw the whole third act of the movie in the garbage. It's so frustrating to see so many versions of luca in the fandom where he just seems to dispose of alberto so easily when luca literally couldn't even keep his name out of his mouth talking with everyone during the movie😭. Like my boy loves him so bad and he never hesitated for A SECOND when it came to protecting alberto, canon luca would absolutely HATE yall for disrespecting both of them like that😭. That being said MANN your acc is such a comfort to me like you put to words so well everything I've been thinking! Tysm for being the awesome you keep it going :)!! <3

Oh wow THANK you I feel every word of this in my bones 🏳️‍🌈It's a relief to meet other people who can take a step back upon seeing stuff like this and just be like "wait a minute, something's not right here."

It really does make me so uncomfortable when people take the narrative arc of the movie and try to spin it into a story about homosexuality "not being enough" for Luca and where Alberto's somehow "holding him back" from pursuing girls, especially in light of the movie's bittersweet ending where they do go their separate ways (for now) and we're left to wonder how much they'll continue to be in each other's lives after that first summer.

The Bi Luca take on the movie's allegory honestly reminds me way too much of the Jealous Gay Friend trope that appears largely in anime but also some western media, where there's a gay side character with a usually unrequited crush on the protagonist, who gets jealous of the protagonist's inevitable heterosexual love interest, sometimes expresses that crush and ensuing jealousy through predatory behavior, and ultimately either assumes an antagonistic role or ~nobly~ steps aside and sacrifices their own happiness for the sake of the protagonist as an act of selfless devotion. It would disappoint me so much if it ever came out that the story of Luca was designed to be reminiscent of that trope and that Alberto's the only one of the two who was intentionally coded as gay. It's a take that I've unfortunately seen pretty often and I don't care for it one bit.

The movie spoke to me because I read it as the story of two boys in their early adolescence who are both gay and going through all the hurdles of being the first other gay person the other has known together - being each other's secret, having to protect and hide each other, wanting to withdraw away from the world to just the two of them where it's safe, experiencing different types and degrees of internalized homophobia that cause them to miscommunicate, being driven apart because one's been led to doubt that the other was ever truly like him in the first place - and experiencing that journey as equals.

In my interpretation, the reason the boys separate at the end is because of how they've both finally come out into the open and entered a world that's much larger than the small isolated space they were hiding in, and they each want to experience the parts of that world that the threat of homophobia kept away from them: Alberto needing the support of a father who doesn't reject him for being gay like his biological father did, and Luca needing to pull back the blinders he was raised with that discouraged asking questions and tried to punish him (by shrouding him in complete darkness where he's 100% hidden and there's nothing to learn or discover, keeping him in ignorance forever) all for meeting a boy and discovering something new about himself. They each have a lot of living to catch up on that a lifetime of homophobia denied to them both, and they can't all be experienced at the same time and in the same place. When they're out among people that accept them and not isolated by being the only person the other could safely be gay around, both Luca and Alberto can breathe easier and move more freely throughout the world. Which means spending some of that time apart, but always having their letters and those precious summers together to look forward to.

[nerdygaymormon]

Hi there! I'm in an institute class about wrestling with difficult gospel questions, and I have the opportunity to share thoughts from the queer community. The focus is very much on loving members regardless of circumstances, and I was wondering if you might have any gems of wisdom I should bring up? Things that would help straight, heteronormative members of the church to learn about, in regards to loving their Queer siblings.

Thank you for everything you do!

When I talk with non-queer people about what it's like to be queer, there's many aspects of our experience they've never thought about before. I'm going to throw several ideas out there and hope it sparks some additional ideas.

1) Most queer people grow up being socialized as straight and cisgender in heternormative families. It's quite a disruptive process to come to understand that my life experiences don't match what I was taught to expect and that I'm actually not cisgender or heterosexual. That leads to an identity crisis and is often accompanied by anxiety about what this means for their life. Especially if they grew up in a conservative environment, like the church, where they don't see examples of queer adults living happy, successful lives.

2) In order to get along, many queer people remain in the closet, or may choose to only be out in certain situations but not in others. For example, church can be seen as hostile so not the environment where they want to be out. Think about what that's like, to have to conceal an important part of who you are, to feel people would not accept you if they knew this important fact. To feel like I have to pretend who I am in order to be acceptable, that's not feeling like you belong.

3) Coming out is an act of healing. Being in the closet takes so much mental energy. Before coming out, I was very careful and couldn't truly be open in my friendships and other relationships, I was fearful of being discovered. There's a dissonance between how we present ourselves and the way we view ourselves that goes away when we can be honest about who we are.

4) Some non-queer people are unhappy when someone comes out, "I don't want to know who they're attracted to." While being gay is about who I'm attracted to romantically and sexually, it's much more than that. It influences how I interact with others, who I'm more likely to bond with. Studies show gay people tend to be more artistic and creative, more intelligent, better at reading the emotions of others, are more compassionate and cooperative. When I tell someone I'm gay, it is a much more comprehensive statement than who I might get a crush on.

5) Queer people experience so many little and big acts of casual bigotry and micro-aggressions that we generally assume a space isn't safe unless there's some sort of indication to the contrary. Non-queer people may think we're overly sensitive when something unkind is said. To a non-queer person, it may seem these things don't happen often and only a minority of people do them, but as the recipient of these comments & actions, they are common to our experience.

6) Can you imagine a 40-year-old queer person choosing to join this church? Being told they don't fit into God's Plan, being told that there aren't queer people in heaven, being told they can't date or seek a romantic relationship. Why would someone join a church that says you can have joy when you die, but not during this life? If everyone, not just queer people, experienced church this way, there'd hardly be anyone left at church.

7) Same-sex behavior (courtship, sexual activity, pair-bonding, and parental activities) has been documented in over 450 species of animals worldwide. This is normal & natural. Maybe it's not queer people who are broken, maybe it's those who are engaged in a willful self deception against logic and the reality of the world.

8) There are far more questions than there are answers at church for queer people. We read in the scriptures about a God who says all are alike, that God is no respector of persons, yet we come to church and are taught there's a different set of rules for queer people. That’s just one example where queer people find the God we know doesn't match what we find at church. It's sad, but often queer people leave the church in order to have the same happiness and love that straight, cisgender members are allowed to have while staying inside the church.

9) Think about how you'd react if your parent, your spouse, your child or your friend came out. I promise you'll never regret saying you love them. Far too often people come out to disbelief, being told it's a phase or the trendy thing to do. I understand it can cause a lot of worry because chances are they'll wind up leaving church, it can break up a marriage is a spouse comes out. Think about the unhappiness that person has experienced hiding who they are, conforming to conditions that didn't fit them. Trust queer people to do what's right for their life, to make the best decisions they can with the information they have. We need friends and loved ones, please decide to remain in our lives and to be happy for us and the journey we're on.

10) Queer people are people. We come with a great deal of variety, but all in all we want the same things in life as other people do.

[cheeriecherry]

How would Tamaki, Kirishima, and Mirio deal with having a crush they've been pining over for literal months that's always pushing them away? It's not because she doesn't LIKE them, necessarily. But it's a grand combination of shyness, insecurity, never dating/fallen in love before, and being called ugly/being asked out as a joke. That's all their attempts at establishing a romantic relationship are to her: one big, mean joke. She gets a little mean with them sometimes, but that's just the hurt.

I felt that in the heart oof I hope anyone out there’s who’s experienced this kind of bullying from other people is able to one day overcome it and find peace and love in yourself, and genuine kindness and care in others! Until then, I will send all my love to you guys.

Requests are temporarily closed so I can catch up on the ones I’ve received!

AMAJIKI TAMAKI

-What first draws him to you is the surprising lack of anxiety he feels when you’re around. Like, usually people, especially strangers, would raise his stress levels significantly. But with you, he feels like he can think, and speak.

-Ofc he’s still shy on top of that, so he doesn’t usually say much...but baby steps. He finds himself falling into a friendship with you pretty quickly, and you’re attentive to his needs and struggles, which he appreciates.

-But then he realizes his heart is starting to speed up when you’re around, and at first he’s like ‘oh no is it the anxiety’ so he tells Mirio about it and Mirio is like ‘aw you have a crush, I think that’s the first one you’ve ever told me about’ and Tamaki is like, dying on the inside because what the heck is he supposed to do with a crush?! It’s not like he can tell you, he’ll probably faint.

-So the months go on and his feelings for you only get stronger. He learns to deal with it, but then...the worst thing happens.

-The day he finally psyched himself up enough to tell you about his feelings, he hears whisperings in the hallway about you getting a love letter on your desk that morning. And his heart just...implodes, and he feels kind of sick to his stomach.

-The whole day is thrown off, and he spends most of the time trying to talk himself out of his sadness, like ‘maybe it wasn’t meant to be, then’ and some more negative things like ‘as if she would actually return my feelings’. it’s sad.

-He doesn’t see you most of the day, under the guise of being busy, but really he just doesn’t know how to deal with the thought of seeing you with someone else.

-He even waits until everyone leaves the school before heading out himself, just so he doesn’t risk running into you.

-But fate has other plans

-He’s just about to leave the campus when he hears muffled sobs coming from somewhere nearby. he may not be a people person, but he’s still a hero. If someone needs help with something, he’s not going to ignore them.

-he follows the cries to a small patch of trees not too far away, unassuming looking but dense enough to provide some good cover. A good place for hiding and crying, also.

-He’s lowkey heartbroken to find out that it’s you who’s crying, and looking so broken and downtrodden. He makes sure to call your name quietly before coming up to you and taking a seat, so he doesn’t startle you (or your reflexes).

-You turn away from him slightly, but don’t outright tell him to leave, not yet.

-He just sits by you for a few minutes, letting you cry. he tries to offer you a gentle hand on the shoulder, but you wince away from him like is touch burns you, so he tries not to get too close after that.

-Finally, he asks you what’s got you so upset. And you pull that stupid love letter out of your pocket and shove it at him.

-He a little confused at first because like, isn’t a love letter usually a nice thing?

-But then you explain to him that a group of boys had written it as a joke and given it to you, and waited at the ‘meeting spot’ with a camera to capture your reaction and make fun of you.

-Never in his life has he ever wanted to beat up his fellow students, but there’s a first for everything I guess. He’s shocked and appalled that someone could be so cruel, especially to you. You’re so kind, and smart, and caring, and strong, and you make him feel safe. He couldn’t imagine ever hurting you.

-He tells you all of that, knowing from his own experiences that you probably won’t believe it, and he leaves off the part where he’s totally head over heels for you. to tell you something like that right now would probably only end badly for both of you.

-He’ll do what he can in the following months to try and boost your confidence, and he’ll absolutely confront the jerks who had the audacity to make you cry. For the time being, he’ll be a friend to you, a good friend, until you’re both in a place where it’s better for him to admit his feelings.

-And when he does, it probably takes some coaxing and a lot of patience, but he’ll never get short tempered with you, or give up on you, because he loves you so much and see so much worth in you, even if you might not be able to see it yourself.

KIRISHIMA EIJIROU

-He likes you the moment you start talking. He’s just such a friendly guy, it’s hard to not get along with him, even if you tried. He’s got his own personal issues, but he’s genuine in everything he does and everything he feels. An actual ray of sunshine.

-It doesn’t take long for you guys to become friends, a few conversations in class and soon enough he’s actively seeking you out. He really likes how you guys just seem to click together, and how you work so well as a team - in all aspects. He starts growing feelings for you pretty soon after you become friends, though his own insecurities keep him from saying anything.

-He struggles with self worth sometimes, especially when he thinks about the person he used to be, so a little piece of him will doubt that you could ever return his feelings. So he decides to stay friends with you for now, until he deems himself worthy of your affection. But he’s happy you’re in his life.

-He hadn’t planned on confessing to you, not for a long time, but shit happens. A couple months into the school year, you guys are walking to class from the dorms, when suddenly you stop, and try to tug him in a different direction.

-He wonders what you’re doing, but you just say that you’d rather take a different route to class, one that’s less busy.

-He doesn’t get it, though. There are only like four people ahead of you, and one small group of girls standing around.

-You roll your eyes and huff a little, telling him that it’s fine, he can walk whatever way he wants to walk, but you’re going a different way despite the fact that it’ll probably make you late.

-He debates chasing after you, but you seem to be pretty upset about something...and it might be something important. A couple minutes probably won’t be enough time to talk about it, so he’ll wait for you to collect your thoughts some and then he’ll ask about it later.

-He continues walking towards the school building, but pauses momentarily when he passes the group of girls, who start giggling as soon as he approaches. He’s like ‘???what’s so funny??’ because they’re tittering and looking at him and tittering some more. Like, does he have something on his face?

-It turns out to be something not so benign. One of the girls is like ‘It’s nothing, you just look better without that awful girl lurking at your side’

-And he’s like ‘what awful girl? The only girl who was with me was-’ and it clicks for him.

-The girls continue chattering amongst themselves, making snide comments about you, the way you look, your skills, your personality. If they have the audacity to say those things in front of him, then there’s no doubt they’ve said them in front of you too.

-Boi doesn’t get mad very often, but this is one of those rare instances. 

-He absolutely lays into the group of girls, knocking them down a peg and calling them out for what they are; bullies. They know nothing about you, about your kindness, or your smile, or your sense of humour, or the way you care about others. 

-He definitely tells them what kind of strength you really have, both as a hero and as a person, and how you’re a better friend and a better human than any one of them. 

-He’ll leave them with an offhanded threat, telling them that if they ever say another word to or about you ever again, there will be hell to pay.

-He’s kind of surprised by himself, like. He knows he cares about you deeply, but he never knew he’d be so fiercely protective of you like that. And little does he know, you heard every word he said.

-You had turned back a couple seconds after you stormed away, worried out of your mind that your outburst would cost you a friendship, as if Kirishima is that easy to get rid of.

-You don’t try to run up to him before class, and instead you wait until lunch to pull him aside and thank him for sticking up for you. He’s kinda saddened that you didn’t just tell him that you were being bullied, but he also kind of gets it. It’s hard to let people in when others are hurting you. Hard to trust.

-But he makes you promise to tell him if anyone else says anything, because he wants to make sure that no one hurts you like that ever again. You’re iffy about it, because like, what if he gets tired of you, y’know? There’s always been a group of bullies in all your schools who’ve set their sights on you and used you as a verbal punching bag; horrible ‘pranks’ and humiliating ‘jokes’.

-But like I said, he gets it with the self worth thing, and he can’t imagine what kind of shambles your confidence is in after so many years of being treated like shit. He’ll let you know that he’s proud of you for pushing on, and that he’s always gonna do what he can to take care of you, because he loves you a lot, even if you don’t believe it.

-It kinda just slips out that he likes you as more than a friend, and once he realizes what he said he turns as red a his hair. You’re also pretty flustered, and you don’t really believe him, but he’s okay with that for now. He can’t expect you to just jump blindly into something that has in the past proven harmful.

-He’s gonna work to prove himself to you, however he can! And when you finally do end up letting him in, he’s going to do everything in his power to keep your trust and your love.

TOGATA MIRIO

-Probably the most persistent out of everyone. Once he sets his sights on you, he doesn’t let you go. Not in a creepy way, though. If you really express a disinterest in having him around, he’s obviously not going to push your boundaries, but he’ll always be kind to you and he’ll be there if you need him.

-That being said, he’s an easy person to have as a friend. He’s strong and smart and so, so kind. His sense of humour never fails to lift your spirits, and training with him is what helps you improve the most in your studies.

-He doesn’t really change his attitude very much when he realizes he’s falling in love with you. He keeps being kind, keeps treating you well, all of that.

-But when you realize you might be falling for him? You’re terrified. You’ve never been in love before, so you’re not sure if what you’re feeling even is love! You’ve heard descriptions of love before, but everything sounds different depending on who you ask.

-On top of that, would he even feel the same? 

-You’re training one afternoon when it hits you, your realization, as well as all the negative thoughts that come with it. 

-You start losing focus, and you take a couple hits, and Mirio is like ‘okay something just happened, are you okay?’ and you tell him that you’re fine, you’re just tired all of a sudden, and you need to take a quick walk to clear your head.

-Unlike Kirishima, Mirio follows you. His intuition tells him that something isn’t quite right, and that it’s really taking a toll on you. You never get distracted like that, especially not when you’re training with him.

-He loses sight of you for a couple minutes, but finds you again on a bench just outside the Yuuei Gardens. You’re just sitting there, staring at the pathway, looking lost in thought and horribly sad.

-He takes a seat beside you, facing you slightly, and very slowly places his hand on yours. You startle a little, and glance towards him while trying to blink away budding tears. Once you see that it’s him though, you look away and try to wipe your face.

-He outright asks what’s got you so upset all of a sudden, or if something happened earlier, or if he did something that upset you. And you’re like ‘of course not, you’re perfect’ which he’ll remember and talk to you more about later. For now he’s focused on you.

-He eventually gets the truth out of you, though he pushes a little more than might be considered necessary, so it comes out as an outburst. Your voice is raised and your tone is stressed, as you cry at him that you think you like him but you have no idea what love is supposed to feel like, and even if you do love him why the hell would he love you back? You’re upset because you’ve basically set yourself up for failure and heartbreak, and because of your stupid feelings.

-He gets really serious, enough that it’s a little concerning, and he very sternly tells you that anyone would be lucky to have your love and your heart, and whatever that means for you is up to you, because love feels different for everyone and it feels different depending on who it’s meant for.

-Plus, if anyone ever thought they wouldn’t have their feelings returned, it’s him. He thinks you’re such an amazing person, strong and quick witted, compassionate and warm, always willing to stand up for others.

-He doesn’t like that you think so little of yourself, but he supposes he understands. He doesn’t know what kinds of things you’ve gone through, but he knows it isn’t always easy to love yourself, and that it’s something you need to work at.

-He just hopes that one day you’ll be able to trust him, and trust yourself. However long it takes, he’ll wait for you. He’s not gonna try and persuade you to enter a relationship with him right then and there, but h’s definitely gonna do his best to woo you. Even if it takes years, he’s going to work for your trust and stand by you while you work on yourself

-He is the number one supportive best friend, and when the time comes, the number one most supportive boyfriend..

[aspecpplarebeautiful]

Hey, I saw your posts and I was wondering if you could clear something up for me? It's okay if not I was just wondering if maybe you could help, I have a friend who has told me that they have always seen themselves as queer and has found the same sex attractive in a romantic way. But at the same time they've never genuinely had feelings for someone in real life or mediain that way straight or queer, they never have had a crush. Does that line up with anything you have heard before with aromanticism? I don't know much about it and I really want to help them out. They said they tried looking at sources but they just don't understand it. No pressure to answer and I understand if you don't want to, if so just ignore this. Thanks.

So attraction can be complex, it can be felt strongly or weakly, often or rarely, sustained or fleeting, etc. If your friend is experiencing attraction, but not to the point of having crushes or having genuine feelings, then they could definitely consider aromantic as a label if they're interested in it.

Some people do ID as aromantic because while they experience attraction, they don't experience it to the point or the way an alloromantic person (that is someone who is not aromantic) is expected to experience it.

Some people also may use gray-aromantic as a label, which means someone who falls into that gray area between being fully aromantic and fully alloromantic. And a lot of people who experience some level of attraction, but not the way alloromantic people do find gray-aromantic to be a really useful label.

Both aromantic and gray-aromantic are really broad labels, and there's even some overlap between the two. So identifying or not identifying as aromantic has a lot to do with if they feel like the label would be useful, if it resonates with them, if they feel a connection to it or the community, etc. So that's how I would encourage them to think about it if they're considering using either of them.

If you or your friend have more questions, feel free to ask! All the best!

[hvilested]

Infatuation Is a Temporary Illusion: How to Escape the Pain

LucyJul 14, 2020

As a neuroscientist, I am fascinated by infatuation; it's such a strong, mysterious phenomenon, yet is entirely scientifically-explainable.

This Too Shall Pass

I will start this by saying that however deep and impossible your situation feels, you will leave this infatuated state. There will be a day when you can think about this special person without any type of pain or passion. You will remember how strongly you felt towards them while they didn't have the same feelings for you, and it will seem completely crazy that you were so stuck in limerence.

Albeit cliché, the concept that time is the only thing that will make you feel less magnetically drawn to someone who you cannot be with is true. You cannot magic away these feelings, because they are a strong illusion created by chemicals in your brain. Over time, your neurobiology will balance out again and this person, who is acting as a potent stimulus, will no longer inspire the same physiological response in you. Thinking about your situation scientifically helps, as it steers you away from thinking in terms of romance and delusion.

What Is an Infatuation?

Are you currently struggling with huge, incredibly deep feelings for someone that you will never be with? We use the term 'infatuation' (also limerence) to describe the state of being utterly enamored by and obsessed with someone; it is the wildest thing that a human can experience in the sober, baseline state. The invisible pull that you feel will seem so novel and colossal in strength that, if experiencing infatuation for the first time, you will be certain that you will 'never feel this again', and that this person is 'the one'. After all, your body and mind react so strongly and surely to them that it is impossible to imagine a life worth living that doesn't have them at the center of it. This is not the case, as you will experience several infatuations in your life if you are prone to them.

Due to differing genetics and brain chemistry, some people are more prone to entering limerence than others; in fact, some will never experience this roller coaster of euphoria and insecurity. Unrequited crushes are normal and not too much of an issue; unrequited infatuation not only encompasses incredibly powerful attraction, admiration and a general feeling of 'love' towards the subject, but is also agonizing and depressive by nature.

If the infatuated cannot be with the person that they desire, they will likely enter a deep depression and will feel completely out of order for weeks or months, until the feelings fade or they gain closure. Irrational thoughts and misery normally accompany this rollercoaster experience, as well as physical symptoms such as elevated libido and lack of appetite (due to an excess of dopamine in the brain).

Is It a Normal Crush or an Infatuation?

You may wonder how we can define things as vague and fluid as romantic feelings. However, the line between a healthy crush and a problematic infatuation is not as thin as it seems. Crushes can be unwanted and painful, bringing ups and downs into our lives, but a true infatuation blows a crush out of the water. If deeply infatuated with someone that you cannot be with, you will think irrational thoughts such as 'I want to die - X isn't in my life and everything else makes me miserable'.

These thoughts are falsehoods, for the world is so open that you will definitely encounter other people (as well as places, music and even fashion trends) that you find fascinating.

If you are simply experiencing a romantic crush, you will find the person very appealing and may intensely want to date them, but there will be less feeling than there is in limerence - less hormonal influence, less joy, and less crying. The highs will be less euphoric, sure, but the lows will not be nearly as crushing as those experienced in the limerent state.

The difference between a crush and an infatuation is that the former allows you to enjoy the warm feelings and be in control of your emotions, while the latter is extremely unhealthy and causes the sufferer a lot of pain if they cannot be with the person they desire. A crush may feel very strong and you may want to act differently to charm the subject of your feelings, but it will never be as delusional., destructive and fantasy-based as a true infatuation is.

So, how does one differentiate between the two? In short, if you feel so distraught that you cannot be with the person that you are googling for solutions, crying before bed and upon waking, losing interest in activities that you normally love, struggling to imagine a future without the person in your life, you are definitely infatuated and not crushing. If you treat this emotional conundrum as if it were a drug addiction, you will stop feeling this way in a matter of weeks or months.

Why Do People Become Infatuated in the First Place?

Most people go through their lives organically forming healthy 'crushes'; even when not actively seeking a partner, they will encounter a few people a year that will grab their attention and seem irresistible. After all, this is biologically advantageous; we are mammals and are meant to pursue, and eventually reproduce with, those that we deem physically and emotionally intriguing.

Having said this, I will clarify that your sexual orientation is totally unimportant in your ability to develop all-consuming, raging feelings for someone. This level of feeling is just as prevalent between people of the same gender as it is between those of opposite genders. However, we are wired to pursue, bond with and care for other human beings for the sole reason of reproduction and the survival of our species. If someone is infatuated with someone of the same gender, they will experience the same concoction of erratic emotions as a straight person. Neurochemical changes will temporarily dominate your life regardless of the perceived likelihood of the passing on of your genes.

infatuations

Rupi Kaur

What to Do? Understand That Your Feelings Are Scientifically-Explainable and Never Permanent

The wild array of feelings that come along with any form of attraction may seem intangible and wondrous, but they are caused by altered levels of different neurotransmitters. Focusing on the science behind such a strong human experience is crucial in dealing with the pain that it can cause you.

Reject dwelling in the infatuation too much. It's incredibly tempting to spend hours writing and lamenting about the subject of your "love", only to enter an even more heightened state of delusion. Even if this isn't your first infatuation and you saw that you got over your last one, remember that, naturally, you will be convinced that this person is the one and that you are ruining your life by missing out on being with them.This is nonsense and is your brain tricking you!

The best way to avoid falling into this nauseating, fantasy-driven loop of obsessing and fantasising and despairing is to understand the science behind this crazy human experience.

It is also incredibly comforting to know that unrequited infatuation very rarely lasts for more than 6-8 months, and often will fizzle out incredibly suddenly and much earlier than this. This is because infatuation is neither logical nor grounded at all. It is so, so ephemeral by nature; one day you will look back at this period of your life and it will seem like a wild but distant dream. Trust me on that one.

However, to break this person-addiction habit and ensure you never, ever cry over unrequited love again, you'll need to dig very deep and be committed to recovery. Your external world is a mere reflection of your beliefs and what you allow to imprint itself into your subconscious mind. By meeting your psychological needs healthily and treating unhealed wounds, you will become completely, 100% immune to infatuation/limerence. Potential partners will sparkle to you, make your heart sing and you'll be able to transition into real relationships with them instead of you manifesting unrequited love and crying spells. I promise you this.

infatuations

Feeling Something Intensely Doesn't Mean It's Permanent

Don't get confused and think that, just because you feel such strong passion for this person, your feelings will 'last forever' and you will 'never get over them'. For some reason, when us humans experience something intense or profound, we do what no other animals do and we introduce a poignant aspect of eternality to the situation. It's a huge logical fallacy to think 'I feel strongly about X, hence I will ALWAYS feel this way', yet we all do it. Our tragic flaw is, in many ways, that we are aware of time and the future and cannot simply live in the moment and deal with whatever strong feelings we are experiencing as they come and go.

If you think about, a large part of your pain is that you feel that you won't ever have a happy, fulfilled, exciting life without this individual. After all, they've inspired so much energy in you and you haven't felt this way with anyone else before. The truth is that, no, your infatuation will not last long and will certainly not be permanent.

Infatuation has a shelf-life because it is based in the fantasy and reality cannot maintain it. It is such idealisation and irrationality that, once the real world creeps in and you become aware that your feelings are unfounded and inappropriate, they will naturally dissipate. It is for this reason that couples who feel 'infatuated' often become bored after around 6 months. They aren't experiencing that surge of initial attraction or the wondrous mystery that their partner made them feel when they first met, because they were simply infatuated then and didn't really know their partner.

What Does It Mean If You're Prone To Infatuation?

Being a neuroscientist, my attention has been drawn to the fact that those of us who fall into infatuations are 1. prone to this state (experience it over and over again until they learn precisely how to treat the root cause, even if each "episode" feels novel and "different this time"), and 2. we are people who feel things very intensely.

Now, I am aware that virtually every single person on this planet feels certain things strongly and irrationally, but a limerence really is at the top of the scale in terms of intensity, especially since mental illness is usually thrown into the mix. Nearly every single person who I have seen who has fallen into a deep infatuation has been on the spectrum for severe depression, bipolar disorder, borderline personality disorder (BPD) or OCD (meaning, they could obtain a psychiatric diagnosis for one of these illnesses).

I don't want to scare you; I am a firm believer that we all sit on spectrums for most mental health conditions, and that there should be no fear or taboo enshrouding this type of information. Many of us could be diagnosed with different things and obtain certain psychiatric labels, but I don't think we should strive to do this unless our mental health is affecting our quality of life extremely negatively. However, I do have to tell you: infatuation at its worst is not neurotypical.

If you tend to live your life emptily, only motivated and made to feel emotion by unobtainable people who you think can make everything okay, then you are most probably mentally ill (by society's definition, at least). If your self-esteem was moderately high and you were mainly mentally healthy (no depressive episodes, no propensity to obsession, no episodes of mania) then it is highly unlikely that you would fall into an illusion so controlling as infatuation.

As I have mentioned and will continue mentioning in this article, infatuation is a deceitful trick. It's your brain's way of latching onto something that could, in theory, make you happy and take away all your troubles. For this reason, if you are infatuated with someone, you are not happy with your current life. You might want to tell me "I am happy and confident, this person is just so special/beautiful that I need them", but that statement would be yet another dopamine-driven delusion.

If you are prone to infatuation/limerence:

you have a lot of love to give to people, whether platonic or romantic (this is a blessing). I suggest that you utilise this in the healthiest possible way and focus on solidifying strong, platonic friendships. You won't feel the high of infatuation and attraction, but you won't experience the horrible lows either, and you will be immensely satisfied because you'll form close bonds and feel understood by people who want to be in your life for genuine reasons, other than desire.

as mentioned above, you are probably mentally ill in some way, and could most likely be diagnosed with OCD, depression, anxiety, BPD, or bipolar disorder. Don't let this scare you. A diagnosis would just be putting a label on what you've felt your entire life.

you will fall into more of these miserable infatuations if you do not treat the root-cause, which is unmet psychological needs and limiting beliefs regarding yourself and your worth. Don't let them shape your months and years, and don't let your life be a string of feelings for different people with you making no advancements in your own life. Even if you don't feel sound enough on a psychological level, force yourself to make friends, to exercise, to work and to read books. You'll be pleasantly surprised at how quickly you actually make new brain pathways and *escape* this hell.

you're very prone to fantasising about ideas, people and concepts that could, in theory, help you "escape" the current life or situation that you are in. Use this to your advantage - it just means that your brain is prone to creating dopaminergic pathways to motivate you. Currently, you're motivated to get this person into your life, but you can use this mental tactic to enjoy other things intensely, like academics, hobbies, pets etc. Become obsessed with another country, and make it your mission to learn the language fluently and move there within the next 8 years. Grab onto something other than a person that sparks your interest and get you thinking "my life would be amazing IF ...", whether it be the idea of gaining muscle at the gym, redecorating your house or writing a novel. Some would advise against this, but I have evidence to prove that it's a healthy way to cope with a propensity to idolising people. Hobbies/pets/languages/exercise won't turn you limerent, so obsess over them instead.

unless you work hard on yourself to recover from this susceptibility to falling hard and selflessly for people, your partners will never be on the same page as you. They will never love you as fiercely as you "love" them, because they will never be consumed by someone in the way that people consume and fill your existence. This may fill you with sadness but is reality; the fact that you have developed the behavioural pattern of limerence isn't their problem, nor is it something that many people will relate to. Wishing for someone to fall for you in this lovesick, bittersweet way is going to align you with reactive, toxic people who are generally unstable and enmesh with you too quickly.

the best comes last: you can become immune to infatuation/limerence! You'll need to do a lot of research on how to attack your subconscious mind and alter your brain's fundamental wirings, but it's surprisingly simpler than it sounds and the only path to complete emotional freedom.

infatuations

Rupi Kaur

Yes, This Is Just One of Your Many Phases!

Live in the moment and deal with any false, irrational thoughts like 'this will last forever'. Every time you think that, correct yourself and remember that you're feeling something very strong and unpleasant, but that's all it is and in no way does this equate to any form of permanence.

You can feel things strongly without them lasting forever! I don't know why we, as humans, struggle with this idea so much. There are so many sensory afflictions that come and go. For example, think of a terrible illness where you're vomiting constantly and can barely walk. You feel like you're never going to feel well again, but days later, you bounce back. The illness is just a faint memory that doesn't even inspire much emotion in you. Similarly, sometimes we come across music that we love and then can barely stand to hear it a month later.

We, as humans, go through many phases in our life. Phases are definitely valid life experiences, but find comfort in their ephemerality! This boy or girl is a phase in your life, albeit an intense one. One day, you will look back and associate them with whatever music you're currently listening to, the clothes you're currently wearing and the way that you feel. That is because those aspects of your life are also a phase. This person won't make your heart skip forever. If you take one thing from this article, let it be that. You won't believe me now, but there will come a time when you don't care who they date, and their name won't even stand out to you in a list. Human emotions are weird, huh?

Remember: You Love Your Brain's Chemicals, Not This Person

Unless you are experiencing a healthy crush within reality (just attraction and the feeling of connection), your infatuation is a result of an unhealthy dopamine reward circuit that your brain has essentially created as a survival mechanism. You are so depressed/unfulfilled/lonely that your brain knows that real life isn't offering much for you in terms of incentive to live, so it creates its own happiness in order to temporarily relieve you from unhappiness, nihilism and lack of focus.

Infatuation is the brain making its own fun through a 'fantasy bond'. Your brain provides you with a sugary high full of wonder and hope and promises for the future, and then when real life doesn't follow the illusion (e.g. when the person unsurprisingly doesn't devote their entire life to you because they have their own life/feelings), you will experience the consequent crash. There is a duality to every strong psychological experience, and what goes up always comes down.

Mocking yourself slightly and realising that your brain is 'glitching' in this way is imperative. Tell yourself, "I love dopamine, not him/her!". If the attraction wasn't there, and you knew their personality inside out, would you still 'need' them? It's almost impossible that you would. You might love them in a genuine, affectionate way, just like some elderly couples love each other after years of commitment, but it wouldn't be delightful and euphoric, nor would it be what you're craving now.

Find comfort in the above. If you find yourself thinking "I've met him at the wrong point in my life, we could have grown old together etc." remember that the romance wouldn't feel like this for more than a few months anyway. Yes, maybe if you had met this man in 5 years time you'd date and then marry him and be happy (in the stable sense of the word, with no thrill), but the truth is that that's not even what you want. You want to be able to act on the passionate feelings that you currently have, and for those to last forever, which is why the supposed "missed connection" is so tragic and hard for you to cope with. The thing is, as I've explained, the sheer concept of living with them forever and feeling this way with them forever is a fairytale that your brain has created.

In short: your brain has messed up here, and is misunderstanding the situation. We are animals at the end of the day, and our bodies function to promote survival, often not bothering about our feelings. If your life is lacking authenticity, excitement and motivation, your brain may work to ensure the survival of your genes by creating its own goals. Don't listen to everything that your mind is telling you and try not to crave the highs that it is offering you!

Neuroscience: What Causes Infatuation?

Understanding the science behind this turbulent experience is crucial, and is the only way to think practically without being nihilistic and numbing yourself to your feelings. This area of neuroscience is fascinating, as it deals with human experiences that seem so spiritual and magical that it's hard to believe that they are caused and controlled by relatively simple chemicals. However, a handful of neurotransmitters control all aspects of your mood and mental health, and therefore can explain every thought and motive that an infatuation will cause you to experience.

1. Dopamine is the 'pleasure chemical', and relates to euphoria, addiction and craving. It can also inspire goal-based behaviour, e.g. wanting to save money to plan an elaborate trip, or, more relevantly, wanting that "perfect life" with someone you have recently met where you two are alone and free, revelling in each other's happiness. When you first fall into infatuation and you cannot imagine happiness with anyone else but this individual, it is dopamine acting... and boy, is dopamine a powerful neurotransmitter! It gives us momentum in life and quite literally drives humanity, but in the case of infatuation, it is a delightful yet dangerous substance.

When noradrenaline is also released, the two neurotransmitters can undergo a reaction and produce not only an elated mood, but also focused attention, hyper-activity and loss of appetite. All of these changes can be witnessed in the "lovesick"; you develop tunnel vision during these biochemical changes. You are greatly inspired by anything to do with the other person, and bored at the rest of the world, for it all seems so dull compared to the object of your passion. While noradrenaline is a neurotransmitter and adrenaline a hormone, the two contribute synergistically to a racing heart and the novel excitement associated with love.

2. Serotonin is low when you are infatuated, which is counterintuitive, as high levels of serotonin are also commonly associated with "lovey-dovey" feelings. In fact, taking ecstasy causes a great release of this neurotransmitter, and depression is caused by low levels of it. However, the infatuated brain shows the same low serotonin levels as someone with OCD, which explains the obsessive nature of infatuation, and hence why you should avoid romanticizing your state and realize that you are essentially mentally ill while in the throes of this level of passion.

3. Adrenaline activates stress responses in the body, and is involved with the physiological signs of infatuation. It activates the levels of other hormones like cortisol, which all activate the sympathetic nervous system in a cascade-like manner, causing trembling, sweating and an increased heart rate.

4. Oxytocin is released during intimate acts, cuddling and other forms of close, trust-based contact. It is slightly different to the others, as it does not directly cause "infatuation". In other words, it does not contribute to the insanely powerful passion that one feels while infatuated. Rather, it adds to the experience by increasing the sweet feelings of trust and fondness. For this reason, it is also extremely important in relationships after the infatuation and hence the craving (caused by dopamine) wears off. If the people in the relationship do not possess adequate amounts of oxytocin (and vasopressin), it is unlikely that the relationship will last once they have passed through the drugged-up stage of infatuation and are suddenly aware of each other's flaws.

I urge you to think about the science behind your feelings, as it will help you rationalise what you feel. Allow yourself to cry but don't let yourself romanticise this 'missed connection', because it was never there in the first place. Your neurobiology has temporarily gone awry and taken control of your feelings, but this level of misery cannot and will not last.

[malexfan10]

Malex thoughts

I was watching some old episodes of Dawson's Creek and it made me want to get some thoughts out. I watched a lot of TV shows growing up. For me, the couples I liked were either ones I casually rooted for or on the rare occasion, a couple took me by such surprise that I became extremely emotionally invested. Malex is the latter.

I've been a fan of Captain Swan (OUAT), Stydia (Teen Wolf), Kurt & Blaine (Glee), Buffy & Angel and lots more. The rare pairings I've been completely lost on, I can name on one hand. Pacey & Joey (my first OTP), Chandler & Monica and Malex. I'd say Destiel on Supernatural too but with them, everything is subtext. I don't think the writers will have the guts to go there, not even with the show ending.

With PJ, I love how they started as antagonists, became really great friends, and then fell in love. For me, PJ vs DJ was incomparable. DJ brought out the worst in each other (my opinion) while PJ showed each other what love was supposed to be. The only thing I hated about DC was the constant back & forth between the two pairings. It lasted until the final moment when you realized PJ was endgame (one of my fears for Malex). I hated that but I was a kid so it didn't bother me as much as it would now.

I loved Chandler & Monica because they started out as friends who fell in love, got married and had all the moments in between before adopting a set of twins. I loved their story because it showed their entire journey. True, the show was a comedy but their story didn't end in season 5 when they started dating. Their story just began.

It's hard understanding writers who feel that only the journey matters. Of course it does. The journey is important. It's what makes you root for a couple but the destination and what happens after is important too. It makes you continue rooting for them, seeing all that angst and pain amounting to something substantial in the end.

So as much as I loved PJ, the fact that they kept us guessing until the last 5 minutes before we realized who she chose was too much. The long, drawn out, multi-season, will they/won't they storytelling style is one I'll never be a fan of.

Which leads me to Malex.

They were two broken boys, both brought up under horrible circumstances, who found the missing piece of themselves in each other. When Alex gave Michael a warm and safe place to stay, it was probably the first act of true kindness Michael had ever experienced and it was made by a boy whose pain and suffering mirrored his own. How incredibly heartbreaking but beautiful is that? That initial bond, that "cosmic" connection stood the test of time. Separated for 10 years and it felt like no time had passed at all.

That first moment in the pilot episode outside his Airstream, you could feel the tension. I remember reading interpretations of that scene. People thought Malex were cold and angry with one another "probably over a girl". Are you kidding me? That tension could only be romantic. But that first kiss at the reunion was when I hopped on the Malex Forever train. One stop only. Endgame.

They set them up so amazingly in the first three episodes. The angst was there but you could also feel the deep love between them. They weren't shown as two guys who had a fling back in high school and then crossed paths again 10 years later, said what the hell and hooked up again. No, they were shown as soulmates. Their level of connection even scared and confused them but they both knew it existed. Their love was pure and true and rare.

With all their history and with so many odds already stacked against them, the writers deciding to throw in a triangle just because they could and doing it in such a rushed and messy way really made me scratch my head.

Carina said she loved the triangle on DC. I honestly think she was the only one. That show was incredibly divided, DJ vs PJ. But as much as I hated the constant back and forth, I'll give the DC writers some credit. Joey's feelings for both were fully touched on. I saw her romantic feelings for Pacey more profound and her feelings for Dawson as true friendship (just my opinion), but both sides were shown in depth.

The problem with Roswell? Where did those feelings come from between M&M? They shared a moment when Maria cried and I took that as the start of a wonderful friendship. I was obviously wrong. They hooked up in the desert. OK I hated it but they were two single people and Maria didn't know about Alex so I accepted. All of a sudden, the feelings were real and Maria was conflicted because of how strong her feelings were. Michael chose to be with Maria because he needed something fresh and new and according to the wonderful Vlamis, someone he also had strong feelings for (still hate that last interview LOL).

I understand where Michael was coming from a little better, as much as I hate it and hate how he went about it by leaving Alex just waiting. He'd been through so much trauma and Max and Isobel kept telling him to stop looking to the past (which, really Max? If someone told you that about Liz, would you listen?? But he died so he gets a pass). But as far as Maria's feelings are concerned, I feel like I missed something.

Between episodes 9 and 10, did the M&M feelings bloom overnight from flirty banter to crush to "OMG this is love"? Was their moment in the desert that mind-blowing that the weirdness of episode 11 happened? I don't get it.

The one thing going against M&M is that Malex is overwhelmingly loved and has been embraced by fans and critics alike.

One critic said it best when they reviewed the finale (Vulture).

"I was intrigued by the possibility of Michael/Maria at first, but the love triangle has been so rushed — with so little time spent on Maria’s developing feelings for Michael — that it’s ended up just making her look terrible. We know from Maria’s conversation with Liz that she hasn’t even spoken to Alex about the situation because she feels too guilty, and so having her accept Michael with open arms is such an odd note. Sure, she doesn’t know Alex is waiting for Michael right at the same moment, but she does know that he’s been in love with Michael for a decade."

And therein lies the problem. A lifelong friendship ruined over a guy (unless Carina makes Alex give his blessing next season which would really make me scream) to push forward a pairing that had little development and makes Maria look bad. One side of the triangle is Michael's soulmate and the other side is the friend with sudden feelings. Not the best character development which is sad because we know how awesome Maria can be and as mad as I am with her, her character that I enjoyed until episode 10 and the actress deserve better. But instead of being original, the writers chose the path always taken. They chose to use her as the odd end of a triangle where, unless they want everyone to hate the show, she will likely be the one forced out so Malex can eventually reunite and for what? Drama?

Season 1 started out really strong and it still had a lot of strong moments in the latter episodes (end scene of episode 9 between Malex, Liz & Jenna being kickass in episode 11, all of episode 12 - my fave of the season, Kyle's confrontation with Jesse etc).

But honestly, I feel like the inclusion of this triangle (amongst other reveals like Noah as the 4th alien) somewhat brought the story down. The writing for M&M felt OOC and was messily done.

Only in recent years have LGBT pairings started becoming more mainstream, given better development and importance in the overall story. With Malex, they have the potential of making Michael and Alex one of the greatest love stories on TV. As much as I love the show, I'm not saying Roswell is on the same level as Breaking Bad or The Sopranos etc. But from all the pairings on the show, Malex is the most profound and has the potential to go down as one of the best on TV. To overcome everything they've been through and still choose each other and their love would be the ultimate happy ending because unlike most male/female pairings that go through mostly regular angst, being two males in a small town, Malex have a whole other level of obstacles to face. That doesn't even include their personal history, the fact that Michael is an alien or that Alex's father is the cause of so much pain between them. Or the fact that Alex is a disabled war veteran. I mean, there is so much amazing points to their story. They are the OTP of OTPs.

But so far, it feels like the triangle is the only major roadblock the writers want to concentrate on and that's the biggest mistake of all.

Season 2 hasn't aired yet. We don't know how little (🤞) or how long (😢) M&M will last. We'll just have to wait and see how it goes and hope that Twitter Carina is not the same as Season 2 showrunner Carina.

But for me, Malex will always be each other's endgame. That's what I saw in the first 3 episodes. That's what I saw in the flashbacks. That's what I saw in Caulfield. Try and convince me differently, show. You'll fail.

❤

[bookio]

A Silent Voice vol 6 (2016) by Oima Yoshitoki

Never read this manga before but these were the only available volumes at local library. Of course starting in the middle like this i don't know anything about the characters, but this is basically what i picked up just from this volume!

A boy named Shoya saves Shoko who's just about to jump from a building. He's able to swing her up by throwing himself, and he hits the water down below, which hurts him so severely that he's put in a coma.

While he's at the hospital, a bunch of drama ensue. Shoko gets attacked by a black haired girl, apparently friend of Shoya but also Shoko's bully. This black haired girl locks herself in with Shoya everyday at the hospital, while everyone else is to stay in the waiting room.

There they agree to "finish the movie" together, something maybe Shoya was in to create for a school project?

I learn that many in these friend group was either bullies or bullied at school. Seeing them come together and actually talk with adults involved is very emotional. The violent black haired girl and Shoya was in a group who bullied Shoko - but the group eventually grew tired of her and started going after Shoya instead, to which the black haired joined in on despite having a crush on him.

When you are young, i think it's easy to fall into hierarchy behavior like that. I wonder why though? I absolutely think everyone has experienced moments like that in their younger years. I was also horribly bullied much in school, but would also take opportunities of teasing others as long as people didn't lock aim on me.

Anyway, this manga artstyle is beautiful, it fits the theme of coming of age and high school drama perfectly. Loved the interview with the author at the end, she said "Even in real life, your turn to be bullied comes around." 4/5 stars

- - - - -

A Silent Voice vol 7 (2016) by Oima Yoshitoki

Didn't realize this was the final volume! They aged so quickly i was like huh, maybe it's an adult manga? But no this is the end!

After the hospital, Shoyo makes a recover from coma and talk it out with Shoko. He apologize for what he did to her in school. Because of something they've been through these past volumes (THAT I DIDN'T READ I JUST ASSUME) she is able to accept he is truly a changed man.

The gang gets together and makes the movie. The short movie is about a suicidal man who gets to make a wish. He wish to travel back in time and kill his bully, which is granted. But it doesn't change the outcome of his adult life, he still finds himself suicidal and tries to kill himself again. The fairy then shows up again. The man wishes for a solitude place because he's tired of other people. But just as he's about to disappear, his best friend tries to save him from the suicide. Too late, the man 'disappears' with the wish and the day resets. The man wakes up alone, with the noose still around his neck. But the rope broke. Was it all a dream? Or did he wish away his friends?

The movie doesn't get much praise but the gang know they did a great job and celebrates anyway. In completing the project together, they've grown as people.

School graduation. We get to know what every character aim to do in the future. Skip to serval years later, they meet again at age 20 during school reunion. They're still friends and happier. Shoyo pass by his old friends, the bullies who now have kids and such - they don't say hello, just bare extras in the background of their life now.

What did we learn? You're allowed to free yourself from toxic friendships and make your own way to find happiness maybe? Don't succumb to pressure? Change your ways by listening and learning about others? Be humble? Something like that! 4/5 stars