#this is how i describe them to myself in my head idk how i’m ever gonna think of them any other way lol

[c-nan]

ooh yay! wip poll time! tagged by @orionlancasterr (thank you!!! <3)

Rules: Make a 24-hour poll with the names of your wips, let it run, then write one sentence for every vote the winner received.

tagging @lenny-kosnowski @krismunroes @dancedance-resolution @bluehairedspidey @sprqpointintern @sappy-sappho and anyone else who wants to!! (omg idk who all writes fic!!! im sorry if i missed anyone 😭 pls do this if you see it and want to! (and don’t forget to tag me so i can vote 👍))

[juyeonszn]

BAD IDEA RIGHT?

PAIRING lee juyeon x f!reader

WORD COUNT 4.10k

GENRES … smut

WARNINGS 18+ MINORS DO NOT INTERACT, literally porn with plot. like i’m so insane, enemies to “we fuckin” as reese put it 🥰, frat boy tbz again!!!, juyo is literally so irritating in the first half im not even gonna lie, he’s also a manwhore, making out, reader is a bit of a brat, juyeon has a dirty mouth, kinda dom!juyeon, vaginal fingering, oral (m! receiving), SHOWER SEX !12!1!, he’s hitting it from the back btw, unprotected sex, creampie, juyeon is actually… i don’t even know how to describe him writing his character made me want to claw at the walls lol

SUMMARY deep down you’re fully aware that you’re probably making a huge mistake by giving into juyeon just like every other girl on campus ever has. but paired with how intoxicating his mouth feels on your own and the steam filled bathroom clouding your head, you can’t seem to find a logical reason to stop.

MORE heheheh im back 🤭 oh my god this was actually the cause of a week full of sleepless nights. i genuinely drove myself crazy writing this bc NEED FRRRR like idk i’m so 😭 delusional. ANYWAYS. ANON. THIS ONE IS FOR U. U REQUESTED THIS AND I RAN WITH IT. u wanted more juyeon, i deliver more juyeon ;) also shout out to ally, moni, AND reese for beta’ing 🥺 i love u my cupcakes!! prompt used: 18 <3

PERM TAGLIST @winterchimez @maessseongs @itsbeeble

If there was anyone on Earth that you hated more than anything, it had to be Lee Juyeon.

To put things plainly, he was quite literally the bane of your existence. Being around him made your blood pressure skyrocket and gave you migraines that lasted for days. It was insane how one person could affect you so much by doing so little. It seemed as if he thrived off of getting under your skin.

Considering he was the captain and the pitcher of the baseball team, it wasn’t shocking. He was also a member of one of the most popular fraternities on campus. But he happened to be roommates with one of your best friends, and that made it ten times worse.

You’d known Changmin since third grade, along with Kevin and Chanhee. When he mentioned he’d be joining a fraternity in college, you were a bit apprehensive. All you knew about them was what you’d read in YA books and seen in movies. Neither gave them a good rep. Part of you wanted to talk him out of it, but you knew this was something you had to let him do, given you were adults and it was his college experience. At least you still had the other two under one roof.

The first time you met Juyeon was also the first time you attended a frat party. Changmin had just passed his initiation after waiting a year and he invited all of you to celebrate. You were excited for the most part since high school parties were more for an adrenaline rush due to the fact that your parents never let you go to them and you either snuck out or lied about going. You didn’t have to worry about the limitations of parents this go around.

The boys disappeared almost immediately upon arrival, leaving you to fend for yourself in the very crowded fraternity house. You could hardly pass through a room without bumping into somebody’s shoulder or elbow, huffing as you maneuver around the house equivalent to a sardine can. Your drink nearly spilled onto your top multiple times and you were glad you decided against the heels for the night.

You chugged the rest of the jungle juice in your cup as you stepped onto the patio, where it’s just as noisy and just as packed. You’re lucky enough to find an empty lounge chair near the house’s pool, unoccupied and calling your name. When your legs touch the plastic chair, you flinch at how hot it is, most likely from being in the sun all day.

“Woah, do you want a cushion?”

You look up at the source of the voice. You’ve seen him around campus before, and even at Changmin’s games. Lee Juyeon was just one of those people that you had to know, unless you’d been living under a rock. Just like everyone else in the world, you couldn’t deny how attractive he was. From this distance, you truly understood why girls would giggle like high schoolers over the guy.

“Uh, sure. Yeah, that would be great actually.” You nod, watching as he wanders towards the shed in the corner of the big ass backyard. He returns promptly, holding his red solo cup between his teeth and one hand on your lower back guiding you to a standing position so he could place down the cushion.

“As a thank you, can I get your name?” He gives you a cocky little smile that should’ve been a warning. And looking back on it, you should’ve seen his true personality sooner, to be completely honest. The way his lips curled at the corners, like a conniving bastard who got off on irritating others.

“It’s Y/N,” you say, messing with your empty cup. “I’d ask for yours, but I kinda already know.”

He laughs at that, scratching the back of his neck. “That’s not surprising.” It’s at this point that you’re starting to see through his sweet facade, but despite knowing better— despite always keeping your guard up— you let yourself fall for it just this once. All because you didn’t want to fuck things up for Changmin. He owed you big time.

“Well, you are a talented athlete.” You didn’t want to fuel what is probably already a massive ego, but you’d rather compliment his baseball skills than the fact that he was infamous for screwing around with half of the girls on campus. Technically, that was a feat of its own since he’d only been in school for a year.

“Oh, so you think I’m talented?” He rested a hand on your chair, leaning down to your level. Confidence oozed from every corner of his being and if you weren’t so self aware, perhaps you could’ve ended up like all those other victims of his charismatic behavior.

“I go to the games for Changmin,” you scoff, glancing away from his face to stop the heat rising up your neck. “I’ve only paid attention to you once or twice.”

“Yeah, sure. Let's go with that,” he bites his lip, blatantly checking you out. “I wouldn’t mind paying attention to you a little.”

“I’m unimpressed, Juyeon,” you snort, raising an eyebrow at him. “Does this shit really work on everyone?”

“I can drop the act if you want, baby. Just let me know when you’re ready to stop playing hard to get.” He stands upright, running a hand through his hair.

Every time you ran into Lee Juyeon after that, he was more and more insufferable. He knew his influence on you, too, if his smug fucking grin was anything to go by. You wish you could just slap it off of him. However, you stood by being the bigger person in any given situation, so that was off the table. (And half of you still felt a moral obligation to not get your friend into hot water.)

“Would it kill you to play nice every once in a while? I do live with the dude, you know.” Changmin whines, trailing you in the supermarket like a lost puppy.

“He’s got a point, N/N,” Kevin adds, humming as he tosses a boxed dinner into the cart. “I get that he’s a little bit of an overconfident douche, but rolling your eyes at him when he hasn’t even done anything just makes it worse on you. And JiChang, too, I guess.”

“Bro…”

You weren’t even sure why he decided to tag along with you and the other boys when you mentioned grocery shopping. In fact, he might as well have stayed his ass home if he was just going to gang up on you the whole time. Chanhee sighs dramatically, bringing your shopping cart to a halt.

“Can we not have a peaceful grocery trip? Is that impossible or something?” His lips form a thin line. “I swear, all we do is talk about how much Y/N hates Lee Juyeon. Can we please move on?”

“Thank you, Chanhee, I agree,” you nod along, walking backwards as you do so and ignoring the faces your friends make. “He makes me want to kill myself.”

“Who makes you want to kill yourself?”

You jump up, frightened by the sudden voice in your ear. Your friends all give you sheepish smiles, as if they’d already tried to warn you. (What shitty jobs they did.) With a hand over your heart, you turn around to meet— speak of the devil— none other than Lee Juyeon himself.

“What are you doing here?” Your eyes narrow and your arms cross over your chest. Luck could never be on your side when it came to this guy.

“Uh, last I checked, this was a public supermarket. Where I can publicly shop. I wasn’t aware that I had to run that by you. So sorry, sweetheart.” He pouts, his expression so theatrical you nearly give in to your constant urge to punch him in the face.

You feel your eye twitch, and it takes everything in you to step back and assess just how bad it would be if you committed murder right now. Changmin comes to your rescue, doing damage control as best as he can while Kevin attempts to talk you out of becoming a criminal.

The two frat brothers do their little fraternity handshake thing and then finally he’s out of sight, out of mind, allowing you to visibly relax. Chanhee purses his lips. “Okay, so maybe I do see where the anger comes from. And holy shit, Y/N, you have the patience of a saint.”

“The person you have called is unavailable! At the tone, please leave a message. When you have finished recording, you may—”

“Goddammit.” You curse, ending the unsuccessful call.

The downside of working far from campus, was working far from campus. You didn’t have your own car and usually relied on one of your roommates for a ride to and from. But now here you are, stranded at work while it’s pouring cats and dogs outside. Kevin was in class and Chanhee wasn’t picking up his phone. You could call Changmin, but you’re pretty sure he also had a class around this time.

Just as you’re about to succumb to your demise, you receive a text from Chanhee.

[2:57 pm] michael jackson: IM SO SORRY AJNSSJNW BUT SOMETHING CAME UP WITH A GROUP PROJECT

[2:57 pm] michael jackson: DONT WORRY THOUGH, IVE GOT IT COVERED UR STILL GETTING PICKED UP

“Could today get any worse?” You mutter to yourself, locking your phone and tossing it into your purse. As if your timing couldn’t be better, you spoke entirely too soon. Your eyes squint at the unfamiliar car rolling up under the carport. Your brows furrowed in confusion, because you had no idea who could be your saving grace. Chanhee was a wild card so who knew who he had on speed dial.

But then the passenger window rolls down and you wish the ground would just swallow you whole. Lee Juyeon grins that stupid fucking grin of his, beckoning you to his car as it unlocks when he shifts into park. You shake your head.

“No way. There is absolutely no way I am getting into that car.” You shout over the pelting rain.

Juyeon tsks, his eyes rolling when he reaches over the center console to open the door for you. “Is there anyone else who would drop everything they’re doing to pick you up in this weather?”

Your lips pull into a flat line. The answer was no, you didn’t have anyone else who would drop everything they were doing to pick you up in this weather. That was the reason Juyeon was here, you supposed. It didn’t mean you weren’t at least going down without a fight, though. Except, Lee Juyeon was a man who was all too comfortable with how expressive you were. Most notably towards him.

“What? Cat got your tongue, sweetheart?”

“Fuck you. I’d rather walk.” You seethe, starting straight in the direction of your apartment. Juyeon groans at first, your constant need to prove yourself getting on his nerves for once. Then his eyes widen slightly when he realizes you’re not joking.

The truth was that the rain was freezing and you’d love to be in the shelter of a warm car. In fact, you didn’t really care that Juyeon was the person driving. But you were too deep into the bit now. You couldn’t just turn around and get in the car, for you had a pride to protect at this point.

“Shit.” Juyeon swears under his breath, reaching into the backseat to grab an umbrella. Sure he loved to tease you and rile you up, but he wasn’t cruel. Your friends would have his head on a silver platter if he let anything happen to you.

You pause in your steps when you’re no longer being showered in rain water. Juyeon holds the umbrella over your head with a worried expression. You feel kind of bad for making him chase after you even though he’d already gone out of his way to pick you up. Sometimes you wish your ego wasn’t so fragile. Maybe then you could accept help when you needed it instead of making things worse.

“Can you please stop being so stubborn and just get in the damn car, Y/N? Do you have to make everything difficult all the time?” Usually, pissing you off made him over the moon, but you can tell he’s not exactly pleased at the moment. You swallow thickly, nodding quietly and following him back to his car.

The whole drive to your apartment is silent save for the song playing on his speakers. It’s not as loud in comparison to the storm outside, but you’re grateful that it’s filling the space between you. If only Lee Juyeon hadn’t done such an excellent job ticking you off like a bomb, then maybe you would’ve just hopped in the passenger seat with ease. But no, he had to goad you until you made an irrational decision and now here you are.

As he pulls up to your building, you say a little prayer that you don’t regret your next actions. He stops as close to the stairs as he can, but you turn to him before unbuckling your seatbelt. With a deep breath, you ask, “Would you like to— uh— come inside?”

He glances from you to the stairs and then shrugs, parking in the nearest empty spot. He holds the umbrella over both of you as you make your way to your unit, lightly sprinting so you don’t get anymore soaked than you already are. You figured the least you could do was invite the dude into your home and offer him some hot tea, just so he could warm up before heading back to the TBZ house. Your roommates not being here to make fun of you was also a plus.

There’s still an unspoken tension even after you’ve shed your raincoats and shoes by the front door, settling into your apartment and its coziness. Juyeon sits at the breakfast bar as you busy yourself with preparing the kettle and getting a couple tea bags. His watchful gaze is a little intimidating now that you’ve seen his serious side.

Once you’ve finished making the tea, you set his mug in front of him. You look everywhere but him when you say, “I’m gonna take a shower if you’re okay waiting out here by yourself.” He doesn’t respond verbally, so you take it as your cue to leave.

You turn on the water to let it heat up before gathering your essentials. When you’ve completed your back and forth trip from the bathroom and your bedroom, you’re finally ready to just relax in your shower and forget about today’s events. But how could you ever truly relax with Lee Juyeon in your space, permeating your peace?

As you’re shutting the bathroom door, a foot jams itself between the threshold and stops you. You glance up from the floor to meet Juyeon’s eyes. They’re darker than you’re used to, a deep shade of brown that has your stomach twisting into knots.

“You know, Y/N, this game of cat and mouse is starting to get old,” he takes a step into the steaming room, locking the door behind him and trapping you. “Just admit to yourself that you want me.”

You sputter at his bold words, because you don’t. You don’t want Lee Juyeon. Why would you want Lee Juyeon? “I’m not gonna lie to myself. I don’t want you.”

He laughs humorlessly, closing the gap between you just a little more. You don’t have it in you to back away from him. He reaches a hand up to tuck some damp hair behind your ear. You’re still wet and cold from your stupid idea to walk in the rain, but Juyeon plans to warm you up perfectly. “You sure?”

“Positive,” you breathe.

“Why don’t we test that theory?” Now he’s got you backed into the wall, his face a hair’s breadth distance from your own. “I have a feeling I can change your mind.”

You don’t know if it’s the heat of the bathroom or Juyeon’s lips being so close, but so far simultaneously that has your brain turning into static. Your head feels fuzzy, like you’re watching TV on an empty channel through a blurry lens. You lick your lips, vision trained on his. “Why don’t we?”

That’s all the confirmation he needs to press your mouths together in a searing kiss, hotter than the temperature of the room. You feel him smile against you when you make no move to push him away, instead carding your fingers through his hair. He groans when you tug a bit, twirling the longer strands around your index.

His hands slip under your top, thumbs rubbing circles into your waist. This is a terrible idea. Deep down you’re fully aware that you’re probably making a huge mistake by giving into Juyeon just like every other girl on campus ever has. But paired with how intoxicating his mouth feels on your own and the steam filled bathroom clouding your head, you can’t seem to find a logical reason to stop.

When you part for air, you both start stripping your top layers, resuming your attacks on each other’s lips once you’re left in nothing but undergarments. Juyeon trails kisses along the side of your neck, nipping and sucking wherever he feels fit. You gasp when he finds that particular spot that contributes to the butterflies fluttering about your stomach. “God, you’re so annoying.”

“Yeah?” And despite getting ready to give you the pleasure of your life, his grin against your skin still manages to irritate you. “You hate me so much, huh?”

“Mhm,” you whine as his fingers dip beneath the band of your panties, toying with your sensitive cunt. “Hate you so bad— ah…”

“You might wanna shut up soon, sweetheart,” Juyeon warns, sliding his ring finger between your lower lips. “Or else I’ll give that mouth something to do.”

“I’ll do whatever I want,” you pull his hand from your underwear, kneeling in front of him when he furrows his eyebrows in confusion. Your nails scrape lightly down his abdomen before hooking into the waistband of his briefs, freeing him from the material. It takes a lot out of you to not visibly react at the sight of his cock, hard and flushed to the tip. You couldn’t dare inflate his ginormous ego, the situation you were currently in already doing enough on its own. His size is impressive too, making you wonder just how he expects you to take him like a champ.

“What a fucking brat,” he hisses, your tongue swiping along the underside of his dick. “Always gotta have the last word, don’t you?”

“Mmmm,” you moan, mouth full with just the tip. You’d never been the type of person who cared about size. As long as they knew what they were doing and made you finish, you held no qualms with their length. In fact, you don’t think you ever even paid much attention to anyone’s dick in your life. But if there was anything to back Lee Juyeon’s cockiness, it had to be, well, his cock.

“You have no idea how many times I’ve imagined this moment,” he confesses, wrapping your hair around his hand into a makeshift ponytail. “But, fuck, this is so much better.”

The admission shoots straight to your core and you find yourself whimpering, the vibrations against his dick driving him crazy. He has to support his weight with one hand flat to the wall, the other still tightly fisting your hair. With every suck and flick of your tongue, he tugs a little more, the sting on your scalp providing you with more pleasure than pain. You pull off of him to take a breath, jerking him off as you do so.

“Am I meeting your expectations?” You bat your eyelashes up at him, drool sliding down your chin and makeup smeared under your eyes in tear streaks. He groans at the sight of you, forcing you to a standing position so he could kiss you again.

You start dragging him towards the shower, unhooking your bra and stepping out of your panties. He raises an eyebrow at you, amused. “You want me to fuck you in the shower, baby? Have you slipping all over my cock?”

“Duh,” you can’t help but roll your eyes at his question, practically pawing at his underwear to get him out of them fully. “Did you think I sucked your dick on the bathroom floor for fun?”

“That mouth of yours is gonna get you in trouble one of these days.”

He kicks them off, reconnecting your lips as you step into the shower. The hot water hits your back almost like a massage, synchronously getting in your mouth as you make out with Juyeon aggressively. It’s like he can’t get enough of you, big hands kneading and groping everywhere and nowhere all at once. You feel insane, especially with how good of a kisser he is. It’s like you’re on cloud nine and nothing’s capable of bringing you down.

When he’s finally lost his patience, he spins you around, pressing you cheek first to the shower wall. You feel him against your lower back, his lips leveling with your ear. In spite of acting as if he had himself under control, you can hear the pant in his breathing, deep voice a little desperate than usual. He has a hand gripping your thigh and picking up your leg.

“No protection?” He asks, his cock already gliding between your folds in anticipation.

“Mm-mm,” you shake your head as best you can with his body sandwiching you to the tiled surface. “Wanna feel you raw.”

“Fuck, you can’t say shit like that to me,” Juyeon groans into your ear, giving no warning as he spits down your front and hikes your leg higher, thrusting into your cunt. “You’ll make me wanna stay buried in you forever.”

You moan, hand coming up to hold the side of his head as he fucks you into the shower wall. If someone were to ask about this very moment, you weren’t too sure how you’d defend yourself. A moment of weakness, perhaps? But if a moment of weakness felt this fucking good every time, you might fall into a habit of judgment lapses.

He nuzzles his face in the crook of your neck, nibbling and biting your shoulder and the surrounding area with each snap of his hips. The angle he drives into you at has stars forming at the back of your vision, the tip of his cock brushing that one spot deep inside of you whenever he thrusts up. You don’t even think his entire dick is in you as he does this, but you also don’t really have the mind to care, way too focused on memorizing the veins of his shaft with your walls.

You’re far too gone to consider the consequences of your actions, the horizon of your release just beyond your fingertips now. You’d never needed someone so viscerally before, so carnally. Yet here you were, sucking Lee Juyeon’s cock in with your pussy like you were a damn vacuum. The sounds you’re making bounce back and forth on the walls, no doubt louder than the shower water itself.

“I— I-I’m so— fuck,” you mewl, words wobbling. “I’m so, so close, Juyo.”

“Yeah, baby?” He sighs in your ear, nudging your sensitive clit with his thumb while raising your leg as much as he physically can. “Me too, where do you want me?”

“Inside,” you don’t think you even make sense anymore, babbling as he continues to fuck you stupid. “Please. Want you to cum inside me.”

Juyeon grits his teeth, pleased with himself that he didn’t orgasm right then and there. He uses his last ounce of strength to get the two of you off together. “C’mon, sweetheart, cum for me.”

The fogginess subsides pretty quickly after you’ve finished, your brain registering what just happened almost instantaneously. If you weren’t so hypersensitive, you would’ve pulled him out yourself and scrambled to flee the scene. (And maybe even the country.) There are many more rational thoughts running through your head now. The entire trajectory of your life has just been changed, whether you realized it or not. But the biggest issue was:

What the hell do you do now?

© juyeonszn. do not steal, claim, or repost.

[antikate]

I genuinely think romance is a deeply underrated genre that is sneered upon because of its associations with femininity; I think it’s utopian and hopeful and worthwhile and I crave good romance stories. At the same time I hate most romance novels that I try to read.

I had Covid this week and for a few days was too sick to even look at a book or screen so I downloaded a bunch of audiobooks from the library and I gave up on every single one of them:

1. Notorious by Minerva Spencer. I noped out of this a few pages in when one character was described as delectable and luscious and another character’s eyes were described as orbs. The book also comes with a whole heaping of misogyny and Islamophobia apparently.

2. Georgie All Along by Kate Clayborn. The first ??? 20 ??? Or so pages of this book consist of the heroine back in her home town and going into a deli to order a coffee and not having enough money to pay for it because she left her wallet in the car. 20 pages!!! It’s humiliating and is literally like being stuck in the head of the most neurotic person you’ve ever met. Page after page of this woman ruminating about what a loser she is. Exhausting! And I say this as someone who can ruminate at the Olympic level.

3. Pretty Pretty Boys by Gregory Ashe. This one is an m/m series about two cops who fall in love and I had hopes that it might be solid but the characterization was basically “whatever the author felt like writing”. Also the cops act like cops as in they’re abusive to random people and spend a lot of time being horrible, which I don’t really need in a romance.

4. Not Your Average Hot Guy, Gwenda Bond. Idk this was just. A bit? Boring? Also everyone was just a bit too self consciously sassy. The heroine runs an escape room but one of her props turns out to be actually a demonic book. I think one of my issues with this book and so many other romance novels is that banter is a real skill and most people can’t write it. But everyone, regretfully, tries.

5. Liar City, Allie Therin. There’s this one audiobook narrator who has such a snotty voice that I just cannot. This book might have been great but the instant I started listening I knew it was that dude. Maybe I’ll try it as an actual book.

6. The Blacksmith Queen by GA Aiken. This is one of the worst books I’ve ever tried to read. Truly. The heroine is a blacksmith and the hero is a centaur, which I thought sounded fun (also I was wondering how they’d have sex because I’m like that) but it was … puerile? Astonishingly stupid?

7.Capture the Crown, Jennifer Estep. This is also an absolutely idiotic book. The hero has amethyst eyes and the heroine has some other gem coloured eyes and someone else has sapphire eyes and if you took a shot every time it someone’s eye colour was described as a jewel tone you’d be hospitalised for alcohol poisoning by about page four.

8. A taste of gold and iron, Alex Rowland. This is decently written - as in the prose is solid - but the plot is half baked, the characters are tedious, and the world building is intriguing but paper thin. I’d say it’s a much better book than most here, but I still couldn’t bring myself to finish.

Not everything I’d read lately has been terrible so here’s some romance or romance adjacent books I have actually enjoyed:

1. The Heart Principle by Helen Hoang: This book is not going to change your life but it does what sets out to do with a slight if entertaining love story.

2. The Secret Lives of County Gentlemen, KJ Charles: I think Charles is one of the best and smartest historical romance writers I’ve ever read. Her books are everything I want out of romance: the characters are interesting, idiosyncratic, and sympathetic; the details feel right; the stories work; and the sex scenes are both hot and do important plot and character work. Her books are swoony and emotional and feel very real while still being romantic. (The audio narrator of this let it down a little because he took a lot of odd pauses but I’m being super nitpicky.)

3. A Far Wilder Magic, Allison Saft: This is a sweet YA novel set in an interesting fantasy world - I really enjoyed the prickly heroine and her dog.

4. In Memoriam, Alice Winn: This beautiful, heart-rending novel is not exactly a romance - it’s set during WW1 and has very explicit and realistic scenes set in the trenches. The trauma and suffering of the war are achingly portrayed. But it is a love story between two young soldiers, even if it’s not necessarily one with an easy or simple ending. Highly recommend with the caveat that Winn does not shy away from the brutality and senselessness of WW1.

5. Thornhedge, by T Kingfisher: This is a brief but resonant Sleeping Beauty retelling. Not exactly a romance but also not unromantic. My only complaint is that I wanted more. I’m a big T Kingfisher fan, and I adore her practical, earthy characters (like Toadling).

6. We Could Be So Good, Cat Sebastian: I’m here for everything Sebastian writes. Her books are low stakes but still compelling, her characters are likeable and complex, I actually enjoy her banter, and she has a knack for capturing historical details and moments. Her conflicts never feel fake and the resolutions are always earned.

[i-can-read-to-him]

The Wesper Fic Club's Author Spotlight is a post series that aims to feature two to three fic authors a month, randomly selected from a pool of names put forth on our server. The authors are then asked to answer three interview questions, select up to five of their fics for us to feature, and finally, recommend three fics by others in the fandom.

(Note: Our spotlighted fics are not limited to Wesper, though they tend to be a central pairing in most of our authors' featured works.)

This week, we are putting a spotlight on Lou's writing!

Socials: @waterloou (Tumblr) | hugharekillianmelou (AO3)

❀

Part One: Author Interview

Q: What do you consider your strengths as a writer?

A: I’m using these quotes from sparrow bc I’m gonna be honest and say I really don’t know how to perceive myself: “Off the top of my head, I would say you are very good at lyrical prose, imagery and atmosphere, thoughtful characterization, anddd I don’t know how to articulate this as cleanly, but like… the way you handle dark subject matter (like MCD) in a way that makes it feel... like something that should be dangerous to handle, but it is safely contained. Like one of those poisonous Victorian era books with the striking green colour [Scheele's Green] displayed in a glass case. Also, you maintain canon characterization even in AU settings, which is honestly a skill not everyone has. I love AUs, but some people lose sight of canon so quick and it ends up feeling very OOC.”

Q: What’s your favourite fic you’ve written for this fandom?

A: It’s called Lay Me Gently in the Cold Dark Earth and it’s from Wylan’s perspective when he’s 6 feet under and how he interacts with the earth around him and Jesper. Idk how else to describe it. 

Q: What advice do you have for those facing writer’s block?

A: My only suggestion is just to switch to notebooks and use prompt lists. I struggle with writers block far too much it’s hard for me to sit down and write something most of the time. 

Q: When did you first start writing? What keeps you going today?

A: Jonas Brothers YouTube imagines. I had a little flip notebook on a family vacation and lots of time to kill so I wrote my own imagines/fanfiction. It was also like not a self insert but like I’d insert someone age appropriate and live vicariously through them.  I have so so many ideas and only I can execute them correctly so obviously I need to keep writing. It’s a tough job but if I want the content I need to make it 

Q: Who is your favourite character? What do you love about them?

A: JESPER LLEWELLYN FAHEY!!!! He’s just so complex and loving and I also relate to him most bc of his sadness and feelings of inadequacy and using humor as a cover up. I saw the trailers before I read the books and then I read the books before I watched the show but that one clip of Jesper in those first trailers had me hooked ever since.

Q: If you could travel anywhere in the Grishaverse, where would you go?

A: Shu Han because it looks like I’d have the most fun there. 

Q: If you could be friends with any character in the Grishaverse, who would it be?

A: Tolya!!! He’s got a lovely disposition and it’s nice to have someone with similar interests.

Q: Have you had a chance to interact with the SAB cast? Tell us about your experience(s).

A: The only interaction I’ve had is Jack liking my drawing of him. Honestly tho even tho this cast is amazing I think I’d be fine never meeting any of them. There’s already all my questions answered and I’d probably make a fool out of myself if I met them. 

Q: What are some recurring themes you’ve noticed in your writing?

A: I am using more sparrow quotes bc my only answer was “Hozier coded” and idk if that answer was enough: “I think grief/death/mourning is definitely something that comes up a lot. Related to that... I want to say 'transcendent love,' if that makes sense. Definitely also strong platonic bonds, so friendship... Oh, balance and opposites (how the latter interacts and achieves balance)... sometimes with concepts like life and death, but also with people like Wylan and Jesper.” Ty sparrow ur iconic 

Q: What kind of music do you like to listen to while writing?

A: Hozier, lots of like folk or floaty type of genres. 

Q: Are there any songs you strongly associate with a favourite character or ship?

A: "half return" by Adrianne Lenker could be associated with either Wylan or Jesper and their childhoods. I do think it’s odd that this is the first fandom where music is not the driving force of my writing or associating with characters.

Q: What is one of your favourite scenes from the source material (book or show)?

A: Jesper’s introduction in the show is a classic and he’s just SO COOL.

Q: If could change anything about (book or show) canon, what would it be?

A: 😭 besides it being cancelled? Matthias’ fate. 

Q: What are some headcanons you have that you consider your personal canon?

A: MODERN AU: Jesper is an engineering major. Wylan is a chemistry major (hates it), switches to biology and music double major. Jesper makes and sells jewelry on the side.  REGULAR SETTING: Jesper lives for a long long time and Wylan reincarnates many times and they are together until they both pass. 

Q: Tell us about something in your fics that you’re proud of and wish would get more notice.

A: I do like the poetic flow they have from time to time! It’s nice reading something I wrote and being invested. This is a cop out answer but I think they’ve been appreciated an adequate amount! Everyone is so sweet reading and commenting!

Q: What’s something you haven’t written yet, but want to write in the future?

A: OH BOY I have a list: - This is written but mouse wylan  - sci fi au  - Hozier song wesper series  - human meat business crows serial killers  - Hellraiser au wesper  - whump wesper jesper shot  - Halloween series  - vampire crows au 

Q: What’s something you wish you could write, but don’t think you ever will?

A: Most of the ideas listed above. My brain just doesn’t want to write the ideas. Also Smut. Did it once idk if I could write it again

Q: How do you feel about your fics being translated into other languages?

A: Go ham. As long as it’s credited to me idc

Q: Apart from sight, what is your favourite of the senses to describe when writing?

A: Touch I love touch descriptions because you can get an insight into how the characters experience the world.

❀

Part Two: Selected Works

Two corpses we were, two corpses I saw

Not Rated | 275 words | Wesper Hozier coded, Decay, Burial, Happy Ending

Short diddy about knight/pianist wesper

Golden slumbers

Teen | 460 words | Wesper Grief/Mourning, Pre-Grief, Aging, Jesper-centric

Jesper would always be a mourner

Lay me gently in the cold dark earth

Not Rated | 388 words | Wesper Hozier coded, POV Wylan, Character Death, Happy Ending

Wylan needs Jesper, even after life

❀

Part Three: Author's Recs

without pity by demigodbeautiies

Mature | 21.9K | Wesper Non-Con Drug Use, Whump, Mild Gore, Angst with a Happy Ending

It’s 10 am on a Wednesday when Wylan Van Eck’s life crumbles around him. Which feels ridiculous, honestly, but that’s life, isn’t it?  - Jesper gets drugged with jurda parem. Wylan tries his best to deal with it. That, apparently, is hard to do when his life is falling apart.

A Lack Of Air Supply by Milkfrog

Mature | 106.7K | Wesper Past Child Abuse, Agoraphobia, Hurt/Comfort, Hurt Wylan Van Eck

"Wylan Van Eck, until the age of 8, felt like royalty. Like the world was made for him, and him alone. He could do anything he wanted to. He could dream of a future so expansive he'd have to live multiple lives in order to fit everything he wanted to do. But Wylan Van Eck, at 22 years old, cannot even leave his apartment." (aka. Wylan has agoraphobia n Jesper moves into the apartment next to him <3)

only love can hurt like this by leehab23

Explicit | 82.2K | Wesper, Kanej Jesper-centric, Second Chance Romance, Pining, Angst, Happy Ending

“I need a drink,” Kaz said. With that, Jesper could agree. “Lead the way.” Kaz took one step and froze, swearing under his breath. Jesper followed his eyeline, his blood turning to ice when he saw what—or rather who—Kaz had noticed across the room. OR: After running away three years ago to Novyi Zem, Jesper finds himself back in Ketterdam. He agrees to pose as Kaz’s date for a job and has an unfortunate run-in with a certain red-headed ex.

Before Sunrise by @aphroditestummyrolls

General | 2.1K | Colm & Jesper, Colm/Aditi Good Parent Colm Fahey, Colm-centric, Baby Jesper

He’d like to say he expected it— it’s a well known fact that babies cry. The first months of parenthood are a tiring business. That was what everyone said, and the ones who didn’t say it were certainly thinking it. But, not all babies cried like Jesper Fahey cried. Just like every night for the past 2 and a half months, the second Addy stopped her gentle rocking and pacing, it started up again— first, as disgruntled fussing, huffing and puffing like a grumpy little bear cub. His downy fluff of curls pressed against his mama’s palm as he scrubbed his nose into her collarbone, tiny fist clenching in her night dress. Colm sighed. OR Jesper is a colicky little baby, and Colm just wants his poor wife to be able to sleep.

❀

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[vulpecular-draconic]

so… i think i finally consciously figured out something.

this lull that i’m experiencing, that i’ve mentioned in previous posts? i know where it began. or, the two things that i think began it. i don’t remember which order they happened in? so i’ll just describe them.

incident one: i tried to talk about alterhumanity with my mom and sister. not just in vague, this-is-a-thing way — they already knew it existed and thought it was weird — but i tried to explain phantom limbs to them. i asked them if they experienced phantom limbs, and kinda told them about mine. which was a mistake. they didn’t make fun of me exactly, but my sister gave me weird looks (and thought i was confusing it for imagination, which i didn’t have the energy to correct at that point), and my mom just said she thought i had a strong imagination (in a less-frustrating way than my sister). but i left the whole interaction feeling VERY much like i’d shared too much of myself. i still feel that way about it. i noticed afterwards that it was harder to feel connected to my ‘types.

incident two: i filled out an alterhuman survey. i’m not sure why, but something about one of the questions — or rather, something in the way i answered it — left me feeling… empty, in regards to alterhumanity? i closed the app and got up from my chair suddenly feeling like i’d broken something. i don’t really know why it made me feel that way. the question had been asking about how much i viewed myself as human. my answer was that i felt like “human” was more of a job title, a purpose, than something i was. it was the first time i’d contextualized it that way — outside of my head, at least? — and… idk. but everything felt Different after that. 

these both happened around the beginning of 2024, i think. for a few weeks afterwards, i clung on to posting about alterhuman stuff, trying to get that feeling back. eventually though, i accepted the lull and stopped trying to wring connection to myself out of tumblr.

i didn’t fully accept the reasons for the lull, though. it’s true that i’ve had natural lulls before even knowing i was alterhuman, but i pretended that was all it was.

since the lull began there’s been a few spotty days where my connection feels stronger, but hardly ever to the strength i felt it before, and hardly for longer than a day or two.

what really worries me is that the only kintype i feel consistently connected to now is being a pearl fox (and avian-humanoid, but that’s less of a species and more just limbs that almost always feel comfortable to me. and dragons, which feel more like otherheartedness, but i always get shifty about those whenever i interact with dragon content). but even being a pearl fox feels more distant than it did. all my types felt very real as i was feeling them, but i worry that they won’t come back. what if they were hyperfixation-induced identities, and now that the hyperfixation has abated, i’ll never feel like them again? 

because i am a psychological alterhuman. i’m at the whims of my own subconscious. i think i definitely was everything i said i was back then at the time i said it, but i don’t feel like i am anymore, not in the same way. i tried, but i can’t force it to come back. i’m still not quite sure why it left.

to be honest, the only thing that’s keeping me from completely doubting if i’m alterhuman at all is remembering how i found out i was alterhuman in the first place.

i acted nonhuman (specifically, cat-like) since i was eight, until i was shamed out of it.

i constantly pictured myself as a dragon and had dragon phantom limbs around the ages of eleven-thirteenish.

right before finding out about alterhumanity in 2023, i realized i was placing an unusual amount of weight on the question “what is your favorite animal.” my answer had been cats as long as i could remember, but that had become increasingly uncomfortable to say in recent years (dysphoric, in hindsight). i felt that my favorite animal had to encapsulate my personality, and for some reason, cats no longer did. i realized i was drawn more to foxes the same week i learned about alterhumanity. 

i kind of wish i had learned about alterhumanity a bit later than i did. a couple months later maybe, that would’ve been ideal. give myself more time to learn about foxes and i connect to them on my own, without getting it tangled up in preconceptions, yknow?

because red foxes? the species that pearl foxes are a color morph of? i initially discarded them too quickly, because i didn’t feel connected to the classic red fox color morph. so i went searching for a whole different fox species, and found bat-eared foxes. it’s hard to describe in with words, but think that made everything a lot messier in the months afterward.

i’ve always had a fascination and connection with dragons, which hasn’t faded in the same way my connection with cats did, but i’m wondering if i was too eager to call it a kintype. i’m definitely at least dragonhearted, that’s for sure. i’ve definitely been a dragon before. i think i’ve been all the kintypes i list in my intro post, but i don’t know if that being was something that was ever meant to last.

i’m thinking about the list of animals i wrote down before discovering alterhumanity, when i was trying to figure out which creature was my favorite. i think i want to go back to before i found out about bat-eared foxes, and i want to start from scratch. make absolutely sure i’m not tying myself to an exceptionally long, hyperfixation-induced cameo shift. they have all been very important to me, and still are in many ways, and i’ve been scared that admitting to myself that things might have Changed and that it would mean they could never be important to me again. but that’s silly. they can be important again if that happens to happen.

i’ve only been awakened for what, a little over year now? compared to so many other alterhumans, i’m just a kit. i’ve barely started my journey with nonhumanity.

so i’m tentatively starting with a new status quo; i am a pearl fox.

i think i’m comfortable saying that, but i need to parse what exactly that means to me. i’m less so a pearl fox in a real-world all-fours fox kinda way (though it feels like that some rare occasions). i’m more so a fox in fable-trickster-figure kinda way, creative and clever and skulking around. (i think that may be where my fae/changeling kintype came from — it melds with my pearl fox ‘type in a way that may mean it’s not entirely its own thing. i don’t feel comfortable calling myself a fae anymore, not in a literal way. changeling i still have to think about.) sometimes i feel more like a pearl fox in a grungy way; less whimsical, more grounded, listening to rough music and wanting more from life. sometimes being a pearl fox feels more like a metaphor: a metaphor for how various parts of my identity has been dehumanized, and a channel to express the parts of me that snuck around to stay safe.

but it always, in some way, feels like me. it feels like it fits my pre-awakening criteria for a favorite animal: an animal that can encompass my personality completely.

i should probably make a new intro post with this info soon, but i’m not quite sure how to explain it in that format yet. but i’m happier now that i’ve figured this out. all my other kintypes, and even my hearttype and hearthome, i want to put away for now. not necessarily abandon forever; if the connection is still there in some form, they’ll come back. but i want to make sure i’m not forcing myself to make them stick around.

so yeah, reintroduction, i guess! i’m vuldra, i’m a pearl fox, and i don’t know if that’s ‘heartedness or ‘kinity or both in fluctuation.

[sinisxtea]

associate your fav moots with songs youve liked, now!!

OH MY GOD I GOT THIS 🫡🫡

@aquaphoenixz : the long night - seori ft giriboy

okay starting off with aqua. obviously you know which one i’m going to put 💀 but the vibes with this one are so you core, and you honestly changed my view of this song fr. i used to listen to it when i was sad or felt like crying, but now since i associate it with you, it just feels so much happier now?? anyways i love u enjoy ur day mwah mwah

@lyvhie : dream - baekhyun, suzy

IDK HOW TO DESCRIBE the vibes in the song are lowkey so you coded. like everytime we talk, it’s always so chill 😌 and it always makes me so happy, so pretend like this is us lowkey just vibing with each other <33 ur so amazing i love you mwah mwah keep it up

@syatchy : h! teen - the wind

tbh i could put any cute song for you but i chose h! teen bc it’s more about youth and silliness and that’s literally you <3 (and aliens apparently) everytime we talk and u put up with my yapping bullshit it makes me appreciate you ever more. love ya 🫶

@yeonzzens : the cut that always bleeds - conan gray

i love how much you love conan that’s so silly, tbh i don’t think there’s anyone else i know both online and irl that loves conan this much, so obviously i had to choose a conan song for you <33 the cut that always bleeds has to be one of my favorite conan songs, the lyrics are both so real and the vibes from the song are immaculate. anyways i love ur mood boards so much keep it up 💕💕

@riri4andy : HUSH - ari abdul

we’re gonna ignore the lyrics on this okay. 😭😭 but the INSTRUMENTAL OF THIS SONG TAKES ME AWAY??? It’s such an ethereal vibe, but more futuristic in a sense? idk you give me like this futuristic techo kinda feeling, and lowkey we need to talk more but feel free to take this as a song rec too <33 also the way the song kinda gives like a rushing/chasing feeling, like i feel like we’re stuck between this limbo of wanting to interact with each other but also too nervous to do so. SO TALK TO ME SMH

@polarisjisung : NOBODY - blue.d, MINO

not just bc ur name means flower but you have this soft vibe that i kinda get for you. i mean at first i thought you were lowkey a little intimidating 💀 but the more i realized that you’re just so sweet and anyone who doesn’t think so i will literally fight them 🙄🙄 WE SHOULD TALK MORE though 🫡🫡

@galacticskz : good night - 小鬼/little ghost

this song has such like… caring feelings associated with it, i mean obviously it’s kinda like a f*ckboy “haha baby” song, but when you ignore the lyrics and the instrumental and music is just so peaceful, and you definitely seem like someone who’s perfectly content and at peace with where they are, you know your limits, and you know when it’s time to rest and honestly i love that for you. (pssst we should talk more too)

@odxrilove : head over heels - tears for feels

okay this is going to sound oddly specific BUT you give such like disney princess vibes idk… like you’re kinda princess coded. and this song is so soft. it gives me like cinderella ish vibes? like head over heels? cinderella. AND YOU ARE SO PRINCESS CODED IDK WHY IT FITS IT JUST FITS <33

@ghostofhyuck - carrousel - amir ft indila

the feel i get from you is more of a chill and soft and you clearly know yourself very well, and that’s actually very good for you. you don’t hesitate to stop riding the “carrousel” if needed be, you can clearly tell people your own opinions and thoughts. (and this one’s very important) you tell people “no” when it comes to it. AS A BIG PEOPLE PLEASER MYSELF this is incredibly difficult for me 😭😭 and i admire that about you. anyways we need to talk more ofc ofc but hope u have a nice day <33

it’s honestly so hard to describe people in just one single song 😭

[elendsessor]

oh might as well show off what i got the other day!!!

there’s no game stores easily accessible to me so going out is always a treat. wasn’t expecting to run into not only rain world merch at one of the stores, but also a boxed copy of drakengard :0

a boxed copy of drakengard 2 was also being sold but i was already starting to push the budget i set for myself and it was roughly $30 more so unfortunately not going for that. maybe if i find the disc somewhere. i may have the primal urge to collect things but i do have some self restraint.

really happy i found 1 though. i have a ps3 so i tried getting into 3 and it didn’t vibe with me tbh. maybe it’s because it’s a bit more mainstream anime-y? idk it just wasn’t my thing but i understand the appeal. it’s hard to describe. 1 felt more my style—i’m a big enjoyer of squenix’s earlier years before the mid to late 2010s when they became actual fucking evil they’re just shinra i swear. i also like how the leading lady is a fucking dragon who would probably cuss me out and call me a bunch of slurs because humans suck or something. ps2 to psp-era rpgs and action games are also a massive vibe.

this and i’ve had an interest in checking it out ever since a random retrospective got recommended to me. i thought i’d never get interested so i didn’t care about spoilers but. boy i was wrong.

came with the instruction booklet too!!! it’s pretty standard, has some unique art i haven’t seen before but it would be hard getting a pic. did come with this mail in raffle thing. remember when companies would do stuff like this? idk i miss instruction booklets even digital ones where there was actual y’know content and visuals and all that. if everything’s gonna be online at least make it fun!!! shocked though that nobody ever used this. don’t think it was pre owned either but being a niche ps2 game you usually can’t find anything outside of second hand copies without selling your organs.

gary has a friend now. a friend i almost accidentally tore the head off of because of how haphazardly i shoved them into my bag. sorry nightcat that was my bad :(

[journey-to-the-attic]

hello!!

i just finished reading chapter 50 of jtta and oh my gosh. i don’t even know where to start.

jtta is SUCH an amazing work of art that my words fall short.. it’s rlly the best fanfiction i have EVER read and i’m sure it’ll continue to be my Number One forever. your writing style is absolutely beautiful and your choice of words is IMMACULATE. the way you describe certain scenes truly baffles me everytime like,, there’s people out there who are really able to write like this?? they can magically plant a mental imagine w colors and all in my head from??? Words only??? u r so amazing omf

i also have to say that ur work has rlly helped me with expanding my own vocabulary — i had to look up a A LOT of words (though i’m sure i forgot them all by now..) but it was always so fun to learn new stuff!

your mind fascinates me sm bc?? when i was reading some scenes from jtta i rlly thought ‘man.. if i was the author i’d have no idea how to solve this..’ but u managed to surprise me every. single. time. u outdid urself each time and my jaw legit dropped at some scenes bc i could’ve NEVER EVER thought of that,,,

i only discovered jtta last summer bc i was looking for a platonic obey me ff (i can’t see the boys romantically to save my life 😔) and ur writing was rlly the best thing that ever happened to me.

i swear everytime i read another chapter i dived into this World bc ur writing is so????? Perfect??? i cant put it into words

idk how many times i repeated myself by now but i just wanna give u this BIG word of appreciation (even if im struggling w it LOL) for everything. your characterisation of all the characters was always SO on point and the pacing of the chapters always elevated the reading experience and and and i’m just so overwhelmed by the quality of your work 😭🫶

and when i found ur tumblr??? oh i was FLOORED. like. not only r u absolutely GIFTED at writing, ure also good at drawing???11!?1? the writer & illustrator combo is INSANEEEEE

jtta got me all wrapped up in this universe that whenever i went back to read other obey me work or play obey me itself, i got sad bc the newspaper club and ik weren’t there 😭

normally i’m sad about things ending, esp when i indulged in it over a course of time but with jtta all i felt was a warmth (oh and the tears…..) in my body, it rlly couldn’t have ended better!! jtta made me elict all sorts of emotions while reading and it was just such a wonderful experience!

i feel like i just want to say more to u and sing more praises for u and jtta but i’m just at a loss for words,, my mind is COMPLETELY blank :c

writing is definitely your superpower and i’m forever grateful that i found your work!!!!!! T__T <3 can’t wait to see more of your work in the future 🥹💝

i need you to know that i had to look away multiple times consecutively just to compose myself because aAAAggkj

from the bottom of my heart, thank you!! i don't know what else i can say, everything you've said means so much to me! messages like this make everything about creating so worth it, all i can do is thank you twice <33333

[luveline]

my dear jade, i just wanted to drop by for the first time since i followed you and say, i love your writing jade, YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND HOW MUCH.

i’ve been lingering on your blog. to scared to interact, i never do interact on here. but i just admire you so much i had to break my two years of barely interacting on this site.  I read and re read your work, and just- AGHHHH!!!!! i’ve been following you for years now… i think since 2022.

i am also a writer here, and i post not that often, but i envy you, honestly i was asked who my favorite writer was, and my first thought was you. i just wanted to tell you that i admire you a lot. i look up to the way you write, the way you build up your stories, and how you flesh out your characters.

your blog is a comfort for me.

in the two plus years i’ve been on tumblr your blog is the one i will remember years and years from now. 

i have a lot of uncertainty in my life, i finish high school in eight days!!! i am scared and elicited for college. and honestly i don’t know why this is suddenly a journal entry. i am kind of rambling, but anyway-

i just wanted to share that with you.

i write smut sometimes, (don’t worry, i am over age! i am ninteen!) but i get tired of it, and i just like the way you write reader and how she relates to alll the characters i’ve ever loved. i barely ever post here, barely interact with anyone. ive been here for a lot of fandom drama, and i’ve never been interested in it, a lot of people get big and leave. i just like to write for myself and post for others to also enjoy, and anyway, but you have been such a constant for me in my tumblr time, you and your beautiful, beautiful writing.

if i had a way to describe your writing, its like sleepy sunday mornings after having a night out or in with friends, you are half awake and in a dream state, everything is so peaceful, and you have the whole day before you, like knowing you are loved, and love right back, 

and you remind me of being seven and being included with my elder cousins as they talked about life, i used to think - still do- that they were amazing, that i wanted to be just like them when i grew.

i don’t know you personally, but i bet my life that you are the type of person that has a contagious smile. you’re eyes twinkle when you smile, and people feel safe around you. i do, for two plus years your blog has been my comfort. 

when my heart aches and i don’t want to cry i can always trust your blog to bring a smile, a blush, and a giggle out of me, 

anyway, just felt like writing to you, like a letter yk?

love, kisses, and hugs, always <3

p.s so sorry for the ramble, i just wanted to write to you, and idk…

omg you sound just like me honey!!! I love you I’m so happy you’re here and you don’t have to be sorry for anything it’s nice to see inside your head for a bit!! I’m really lucky to have you hold me in such high esteem and to be here for so long, thank you for being so kind! Two years is a long time 😭 I just think it’s nice to have you don’t worry about anything else if it’s to do with me!!

[yuuuhiii]

haiii i’m here for a matchup😈 i love ur writing

i’ll give the basics first: pronouns are she/her, i’m 5’11, my personality type is entj so8, i wear thin rectangular glasses, and my hair is naturally curly but yknow i fry that shit with heat so it’s straight and more manageable😍😍

people say i’m unapproachable because i “look cool” but idk if that’s true, i know i look unapproachable but that’s because i have the WORST resting bitch face ever it’s crazy💀 i dress pretty minimalistic and androgynous, my closet consists of the same pieces of clothing repeated cuz i’m lazy but sometimes i dress more fem. i’m pretty nice i think, i like helping people in any way i can, but i take more of a logical approach rather than an emotional approach. the only thing i enjoy other than hanging out with friends is music— you will not see me without my earbuds i live off of it. i also have severe adhd if that makes a difference💀

i don’t know how to describe myself in depth so i hope this is enough to match me with someone. answer this whenever you get the chance tyyyyyyyyyy✨✨✨✨✨✨

I match you with EREN YEAGER

First off you guys would be THAT couple

absolutely stunning, both you could literally pass as models

To be honest at first Eren is a little intimidated

Your gorgeous but you also look like you could pummel him to the ground

Which in his defense is pretty hot 🤷🏻‍♀️

He admires how you can be mature in situations but on his side he’s very emotional

As long as you’re allowed to be vulnerable with him he has no problem

He likes to play with your hair and tells you all the damn time

“Your natural hair is better.” “Babe can you leave your hair like this for today.”

Don’t get me started on your glasses because this man will have his fun

Always taking them off your face, wearing them or holding them above your head

Or even when your busy doing something, he has this habit where he just pushes up your glasses

No words shared just a common gesture

He gets pouty whenever he wants to talk to you and notices your bumping your music

He usually just asks to share the earbud because he really just wants be close to you

He finds your style comforting and honestly he’s always stealing your clothes

Your shirts, pants ,everything is going missing and there’s only one culprit

“What? You take my hoodies.” “I’ll wash it and give it back! Just let me wear it today.”

The days you doll yourself up he’s fascinated

He can’t keep his lips or hands off of you, he gets sooooo much more clinger

Constantly complimenting you and telling you how pretty you are

He likes helping you unwind though, taking off your makeup and just turning in and cuddling with you

A relationship with Eren is full of love and fun. He’s got a big heart and isn’t afraid to show his love for you either

© yuuuhiii 24 : don’t plagiarize, translate, or post my work on other platforms

[solar-halos]

do u ever think about the way olivia rodrigo invented music

just kidding i know the emotions she sings about have existed since the beginning of time but im just now realizing that if i was born in the taylor swift era i would 100% be a swiftie bc i was thinking abt olivia rodrigo’s music the other day and unironically had the thought “wow she literally invented having emotions” before i managed to catch myself. but honestly i think it’s crazy how accurately she captures all these feelings of insecurity and heartbreak (and now joy!) so perfectly!!

“lacy” and “pretty isn’t pretty” seem so similar on the surface, but i feel like lacy is more of a gradual realization that no matter what u do—or how ur actually perceived—you will never feel as feminine as u want to. there will always be people (aka Lacy) who are gonna be effortlessly elegant and beautiful and feminine and feeling jealous of that is so fuckin stupid but that doesn’t stop u from caring. and then i like “pretty isn’t pretty” bc i feel like that’s the aftermath of Lacy. idk the part abt her trying every shade of lipstick really hit bc when i was first experimenting w makeup i remember feeling so insecure that none of them seemed “my” color. also i really like the gradual buildup of “it’s in my phone/head/magazines/the boys i bring to bed” bc i feel like that describes the pipeline so well

anyway now let’s get into the new songs she released. i’m actually not sure if they’re new bc when i searched it up after it popped up on my spotify google said she released this back in 2023? so idk. but her youtube channel literally has this all released within the last few days. but my favorite thing about these songs is how im in the same era she’s in rn. that happened to me with “sour” and “guts” reopened a lot of those old wounds, so i absolutely love the healing theme (? i know that’s not the right word but it’s hard to think rn) this album has. let’s start off with obsessed since that popped up for me first

obsessed? yeah, obsessed with this fucking song. seriously. “if you knew how much i thought about her you’d think i was in love” already starting off on a banger. also i watched the mv and i loved it. this song literally couldn’t have came at a more perfect time, yall ever just randomly remember that ur s/o has dated ppl that aren’t u before? chilling realization, really

scared of my guitar? “i can’t lie to it the same way i like to you”? “i lay in your arms and pretend that it’s love”? “i’d rather be tied to someone even if they’re wrong”? oh my god. i was literally thinking about this the other day. like, being in a relationship bc u want to be or if it’s bc you’re scared of being by yourself. and i also like the fact that it’s insinuating that the other person is the better half. bc sometimes it does feel like literally just loving someone when you struggle so much with the thoughts i mentioned is just the same as stringing them along. but then also i think it’s nice to pretend you’re in love bc obviously at the beginning of a relationship you have no idea if it’s ever going to go that far, so i think we often fall in love with the idea of being loved. which sounds a bit corny when i put it like that, but scared of my guitar made *me* feel like a tortured poet bc i used to be like “im chill ! :o)” and then open up ao3 and write a billy taupe/lucy gray story like girl…. that’s not the same as olivia rodrigo being folksy and cute

speaking of being folksy and cute, “girl i’ve always been” is so folksy and cute! i literally hate country music so fucking much (i’m sorry… one time this guy in hs played God’s Country in front of the class for a presentation and he stood there kinda ominously so ever since then i’ve kinda hated it) but this song was nice i liked it! i like the confidence it exudes, someone already mentioned this in the comments but it really is giving off lucy gray vibes, especially “with venom on my tongue u ask me who i’ve become” like okayyy someone needs to write a billy taupe/ lucy gray inspired story abt that line immediately. i don’t really have much more to say since this one was the one i found the least personally relatable, but i love the sassiness of it all!!

stranger. this one was a FUCKING banger, this was the sort of era i was in when guts released so im so glad miss olivia rodrigo could put the feeling of realizing u don’t *need* someone u thought u literally couldn’t live without into words. “i always thought it was some comforting lie ppl told” literally. also the call back to “enough for you” by saying “if im not enough for you then you’re not enough for me either” :,). i think growing up is quite nice

so american. fav! <3 <3 <3. “he’s like a poem i wish i wrote” hands down my favorite lyric fucking ever. i LOVE this song. like i said with “lacy” and “pretty isn’t pretty” bleeding into each other, i think the same applies w this song and “scared of my guitar.” like after u get over ur fear of ur guitar u realize that ur so american and suddenly wanting to get married and be in love doesn’t seem so selfish anymore. i really, really love this song (if i haven’t already mentioned that)

sorry, i know this was a long post! stranger had me bursting into tears so i told Boyfriend i needed to write in my “notes app” abt it so everyone say hi Boyfriend. but seriously im feeling so american rn i literally was like “leave me alone and don’t touch me im feeling explosively emotional” and he was like ok! here’s some fruit. and then now im writing on my phone about songs i love. like is there any better feeling??

[pineapplerightsideupcake]

hello im on anon bc im new to radblr and im a crypto but just wanted to say thank you for standing up for bisexuals on this blog. idk why but for some reason i expected radblr to have better opinions on bi women than the whole ‘sexually promiscuous bihet’ and ‘traitor for being osa’ and ‘more privileged than homosexuals’ bullshit that everybody else spews. the alphabet cult is actively erasing us in favor of ‘trans inclusive labels’, radblr is invalidating us by blatantly ignoring so many bi women’s experience with sexuality. the biphobia here is almost worse than any offhanded comment ive heard from a straight person. i also don’t think many understand that some women know they’re bi and are confident in that, but others may use bi during a time when theyre unsure if they’re actually attracted to men. ive gone a few of my teenage years acknowledging to myself that im bi, but now in my 20s im questioning if i ever truly felt attracted to men. the things i feel sexually in my most recent relationship with a woman are things ive never felt or even imagined were possible when ‘crushing’ on a guy. i acknowledge that *some* men are aesthetically pleasing for me to look at, but i’m also penis repulsed and always have been. theres nothing sexy to me about penis. truly. it makes me ill thinking about it. and that is confusing for me, bc seeing so many lesbians on here say how sure theyve been about liking women makes me think they did not grow up in an area like i did where homosexuality was truly thought of as demonic, even by the most ‘liberal’ people. i had no idea ssa was normal until i was probably 12 or 13 years old, and before then i just. repressed those feelings. i still did until i was about 17 and fully admitted to myself that ‘hey, i like girls’.

also i didn’t even know what the ‘comphet masterdoc’ was until exploring radblr, but i had heard comphet before and felt that it was very accurate in describing how i feel about men. idk anything abt what’s on the doc. regardless of my ‘true’ sexuality, it feels like theres a very hostile attitude towards bisexuality here, or even someone saying ‘ive tried to have a crush on guys before but only feel sexually/romantically attracted to women’ is met with ‘if youve even THOUGHT about having sex with a man then youre not a lesbian.’ no room for nuance.

sorry for the rant in your inbox, i hope this is okay. but yeah. thank you for being open about bisexuals here and standing up for them.

Thank you! I realized a while ago that radblr had a lot of issues that need to be challenged but I’ve also come to appreciate why these issues occur.

At the end of the day, almost nowhere allows women to speak this freely. Lesbians have had even their online communities absolutely destroyed by the TQ. So more than a few lesbian women on here really don’t want to talk to or about non lesbian women. And I think they’d be happier if they created a separate space for themselves on here where they didn’t feel pressured to, which I think is where a ton of this negativity comes from.

Bisexual women also need to stop offering themselves up as social sacrifices. I see a lot of the anti bi stuff come from bi women themselves sadly. A lot of women on radblr never unlearned that deeply unhelpful ID pol hierarchy from their TRA days.

As for your own personal journey, don’t let other people’s pain, no matter how legitimate, compound your own pain. The way I navigated my sexuality was I called myself a lesbian in my head because men did repulsed me. But it felt like a lie. I’d see a handsome dude jogging and feel a pang of attraction. Men still crept into my fantasies. I have zero desire to sleep with or date men. But that’s got nothing to do with my attraction to them. It’s a conscious personal choice I’ve made for my own happiness and safety.

So call yourself a lesbian just inside your head. Do it everyday. Look in the mirror and say “I am a lesbian” and if after a few months that feels like a lie then you’re bisexual and that’s amazing! If it feels like coming home, if everyday it feels more true, then you’re a lesbian and that’s amazing!

Please love yourself no matter what 💛

[lone-nyctophile]

Have you ever acted differently towards someone because of a dream?

Like, idk, you dreamt you had a fish, and for some reason unknown to you you have to go on a trip. Naturally, you ask a friend to take care of the fish. After you return form your trip, your friend tells you that they forgot to feed the fish, so it died. Then, you wake up and you are kinda mad with your friend for killing your nonexistent fish in a dream when they had no control whatsoever on their actions there. In that situation, you quickly realize that staying mad over a nonexistent dead fish is completely absurd and pointless.

A while ago something similar happened to me. Except it was completely different. I dreamt that a guy in friends with asked me to be his girlfriend. As expected, I said no because the mere thought of being in a relationship scared the shit out of me. Then a bunch of things happened, and I realized that I wanted to be with him. When the realization hit me, I ran as fast as I could to his house. The details are a bit blurry, but I found him at a bus stop. I had been running for a while when my eyes met his. I struggled to get the air inside my lungs while he just stared. It took me a couple of seconds to regain my courage. I took a deep breath and ran into his arms. He caught me and I kissed him. I told him I liked him and wanted to be with him. Then, I started crying and he just hugged me and said it was okay. Everything was gonna be okay. And I believed him. I FUCKING BELIEVED HIM!!!

And I can’t get that out of my head. My brain is constantly thinking about how his arms felt around me, and how safe I felt in his arms.

Now, I can’t freaking see him without thinking about the dream.

And I’ve been driving myself insane trying to figure out if I like him or I’m just lonely and starved for affection. Or both. I really don’t know what to do or how to feel or anything. Before the dream we were really great friends and I never even thought about him that way, but now idk.

(Sorry for cussing, I know some people aren’t comfortable with it, so if you aren’t, I deeply apologize. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable or anything)

Woah. Firstly, It's a good thing that you can remember your dreams; most people can't. You should not invalidate your dreams because they appear for a reason.

 According to Freud, dreams can be considered as a projection of repressed or dismissed unconscious materials. For instance, the fish was probably representing something else which is related to the friends (like trust; the friend inadvertently killing the fish might be a warning from your unconscious mind that they are not trustworthy. 

As with the case with your friend, look, our minds get very confused in romantic situations. Especially when a friend is involved. I think you might like your friend regardless of whether you’re lonely or not as the dream ‘specifically’ involves him because if it was just about loneliness then you might have most likely imagined someone faceless (considering the logic of dreams). Now, this does not mean that you’re not lonely. In fact, your loneliness might have compelled you to see your friend in a new light. 

However, feelings are complicated and sometimes giving them a label does not necessarily describe them in an accurate way. If you cannot figure out your feelings then dearie, its fine. I would advise you to give it some time and stop consciously thinking about it. Then I’m sure things will become much clear for you. 

Thank you for writing to me and I'm really sorry for the late reply. I will be really glad to listen to you again. All the best! <33

[stitchkiss]

hey, love! can u answer all of them?

WHAT DO YOU MEAN ALL OF THEM!!!!! okay i will do it but only because you asked and i love you very much

✨What's a fic you've posted you wish you could breathe life into again and have people talking about it? (or simply a fic you wish got more credit)

well i only have 5 fics posted but probably this one because it’s my longest fic but i didn’t really expect a lot of recognition anyway because it’s a rare pair from a show that not many ppl like. it's not the best writing but worked hard on it and i’m proud of it and that’s really all i can ask for.

💫what is your favorite kind of comment/feedback?

i really love when ppl point out sentences/situations and other things they like.

🌈is there a fic that you worked *really fucking hard on* that no one would ever know? maybe a scene/theme you struggled with?

i struggled really hard with my first thiam fic. the responses are all amazing but i found it so difficult to write something so vulnerable

🌻what makes you want to give up on writing? what makes you keep going?

something that makes me want to give up is the fear that i wont be able to write how i want. what keeps me going is all the lovely cheerleaders in my corner<333

🌿how does creating make you feel?

happy. i love getting my ideas out there and i like practicing writing

🍉in what ways has writing helped you process trauma and/or navigate through your own life?

tbh what i've written so far have all been fantasies. i haven't explored issues i face through writing yet but i do have ideas. i think my thiam stargazing fic was a kind of reflection of how i felt in a moment

🎀give yourself a compliment about your own writing

im funny sometimes

🎈describe your style as a writer; is it fixed? does it change?

there are literally year long gaps between my fics so yes they def have changed. i feel like im more sure of myself and my writing each time i post and hopefully my writing gets better every time too!

🎉how often do you celebrate completing & posting a work? how often do you give yourself the credit/ validation that you seek from others when you post? (if you don't, you should!)

every time. i love treating myself. i try to hype myself up by reading what i wrote and it works sometimes.

💞what's the most important part of a story for you? the plot, the characters, the worldbuilding, the technical stuff (grammar etc), the figurative language

all of these ofc but i think characters because they're the driving force of all my writing amd im scared i dont write them correctly or they dont come off in the way i want to. i also feel like specific word choices and phrases really make or break a fic.

💝what is a fic that got a different response than you were expecting?

the thiam stargazing one. you guys went nuts over it fr so thanks

🤍what's one fic of yours you think people didn't "get"?

i havent written anything really profound but i will say that there is a lot in my 18k caswen fic that i wish ppl would acknowledge.

🕯️I was there a fic that was really hard on you to write, or took you to a place you didn't think it would take you?

thiam stargazing ofc. when i wrote it i felt like i was bigger than myself. idk how to explain it

💥find your least kudos'd fic - say something wonderful about it.

ohhh my anne/winnie fic! i will say that this was very bold of me to write because this pair is rare. so rare in fact that my fic was the first posted on a03 for that ship! pretty girlboss of me

🍭why did you start writing?

because i had ideas in my head and i needed to get them out.

💎why is writing important to you?

i think it's important to me because this is a way for me to take a break from my life by writing others'

🪄what is your post-writing/sharing aftercare? How do you take care of yourself or celebrate yourself when you've finished a fic?

every single time i've posted a work i eat chinese food then take a phat nap to distract myself.

🎙️which one of your fics would you like someone to make a pod-fic of?

probably the thiam cod one bc it's funny

🤲what do YOU get out of writing?

i like contributing to fandoms and ships and if i get praised along the way then that's alright with me too

💋when you leave comments on a fic, do you want to hear back from the writer?

ur comments on my comment. did i understand it? did you think what i said ab x thing was funny? idk everything. im a social butterfly i thrive off communication

☯️how do you think engaging with each other through tumblr, twitter, comments, kudos, creates healthy fandom experiences? How do you deal with that if you're not a social person/experience social anxiety?

encouragement literally creates art. and friendships! i literally made so many friends by commenting on their fics and interacting with them in general. fr this has been a very fun two months for me inthe teen wolf/thiam fandom. im thriving here in a way i didnt in other fandoms because i actually took a chance and talked to ppl. i have aniety but i love talking to ppl so it worked out

🦕(i can’t find the stupid blue emoji thing so ur getting a dinosaur) what steps do you take to not take things personally if a fic doesn't do well, or if your writing/ posting/sharing experience isn't going how you'd like it to?

if my fic doesnt do well then that's not my business. ppl like what they like and yeah it's a dick move to not tell a creator/artist you like their stuff whether through comments or kudos bc its so east to click one little button before swiping out of the tab but! the real ones have my back and i know it. i dont expect a lot when i post for thiam because the show ended literally five years ago and this ship is relatively small compared to others so i dont think much of it. if my fic doesnt do well its not on me because i know i did good

💌share something with us about an up-and-coming work (WIP) that has you excited!

mmm okay i know i posted a wip game last week but i only did half so i'll drop the other half here (this is a treat specifically for you jaque).

cuddle monster liam: liam is a leech and he clings to theo when they sleep. theo's a little confused but accepts it anyway. i have this scene i want to write and it's one of the first times liam cuccled with him and it the basic part of it is liam just nudges his head under theos arm like a puppy and nuzzles his face into theo's chest bc he's cold.

look you: this is more of a concept than anything but basically theo and liam have thing thing where they say "look, you" or some kind of variation of that when the other is being a little shit or self depreciating.

tfw you do a 30 day relationship challenge when ur not even in a relationship: so corey and mason do a 30 day relationship challenge and they rope theo and liam into doing it too. i got the challenge off some website and i was like yes. there's gonna be 31 parts in theory but they wont be super long i think. i need all the creative juices going for this one.

getting shot with an arrow had never been this fun: theo and liam are complete idiots and they manage to get impaled with the SAME arrow and are stuck together for Reasons. it's shenanigan city up in here as they navigate how to get help. the important thing is that they have fun !

the morey split: mason and corey break up (or take a break or just arent talking i havent decided yet) and its up to theo and liam to get to the bottom of this and get them back together! they are terrible at it.

okay i think im done now

[dotnoir]

i’ve never wanted to break up more than right now.

i just know this is going nowhere. i don’t actually see myself in 20 years with this man, I can’t even guarantee 5 years.

he just doesn’t understand me. doesn’t do enough. not driven enough. stagnant. painfully cis and hetero and white. that fact was once so attractive to me and now it’s just so fucking annoying. opposites attract, but only if thr magnetic field is strong enough. if the magnetism is weak, the opposites will recoil.

this is the recoiling. i’m having more and more trouble lately with deciding which of my feelings are worth explaining in layers to him, and i continue to deduce a pyrrhic victory, so i abstain. it’s exhausting. the beauty of having a partner and someone that gets you is someone that knows. you just look at them and they know and you know. …he doesn’t know. we have so little in common now. mostly the dog. ok, primarily the dog. some tv shows. good food. but that’s about it.

we’re not lovers. we don’t make love. we don’t fuck. we don’t cuddle. we don’t even put our tongues in the other’s mouth. we pop-kiss and hug and punch each other’s butt and bite knees and arms. we’re comfortable roommates that share a king-sized bed with a dog between us.

we haven’t had sex in months, not once since 2023 began. last year we had sex maybe 3 times. the year before that maybe 4. the year prior, maybe 6. and then 2019 was when we met and fucked like rabbits. but maybe we got it all out of us? idk. oh, right, i wanted to get kinkier and he wasn’t interested. i literally wanted anal because of enjoyment with past partners—he would get flustered and unenthused about my proposition. somehow how i got the moronic cisgender straight man that opposed their hot girlfriend begging for anal sex with toys at the ready so many times, she finally rued the constant painful and embarrassing rejection. i just remembered it took him over a year to ever eat me out, which also came after maaaaanyyyy conversations and practically begging…when i remember these things, i remember why the flame went out.

strange that i had more and better sex when i was single. but toxic sex with emotionally unavailable guys was like heroin in my early twenties. such a great high until reality comes crashing down.

i’m just not attracted to him anymore. he doesn’t look like he did when we first met—and neither do i—but i’m still hot. he buzzes his salt and pepper head every 10 days so it’s always just partially grown out, wears the same shitty Dahmer-esque black nerd glasses from four years ago, solely works out his arms and nothing else which does nothing for his strange, flabby physique, has spaced out yellow teeth that he rarely brushes, a disheveled overgrown black, grey, white, and red beard with a matching unkempt red handlebar mustache that he twists with his fingers every few minutes.

he doesn’t do anything that inspires romance. any time he does refer to sex, it’s as a half-assed joke. he has accepted that i’m not interested and believes he’s done “everything” to make advances, even though i can list a dozen things he hasn’t done. simple gestures that men in the 80s could’ve done.

rent a hotel room and have rose petals and candles. fuck renting, he could literally set it up at home. a picnic with my favorite snacks. a planned scavenger hunt. things that don’t even cost a lot, just takes a semblance of time and thought and consideration. but that doesn’t happen.

he just plays video games in his self-described “office” (see: man-cave with PC and mountain of beer cans and whiskey bottles) from ~10am till midnight or 3am or 4am on nights where he has the next day off. he’ll pop out to stretch his legs every few hours and uses that opportunity to “check” on me and the dog. when we try to watch stuff together at night after his full day of gaming, he falls asleep within the first 10 minutes of a program. and that’ll be the extent of us spending time together. pathetic.

i keep thinking about noah. andrei. my two favorite past lovers. noah and i are meant to be together in another universe. just the memory of our escapades causes involuntary kegels. the other night i had a sex dream about him and feared i said his name in my sleep with E right next to me…

i’ve been in restless and relentless spring cleaning mode all week: got rid of the growing black mold in both showers, went grocery shopping, deep-cleaned and reorganized the fridge, reorganized the cabinets and drawers in the kitchen, dusted and swept the house, watered the plants…and he offered to help when i would nearly complete a task 🙄

i’m just so sick of him tbh. i have no desire to even pretend we’ll be together in the future. three and half years has been enough. i need to end it.

but the thought of moving and finding a roommate stresses. me. out. i wish i could just live alone in this house, but it’s too big for one person. ah, the common plight of those in a cohabitation…ending it with ease and with little expense. surely i’ll have to snag a second job to afford living alone. can’t determine if living with a partner is cheaper than living single since i pay for everything 🤪 that just means the transition shouldn’t upend me financially…can’t say the same for him. can’t wait to say that’s no longer my problem. ok it’s settled. i need to do it. i need to find somewhere else to live and save up and get a second job and get everything squared away to move. i can do it. i’ve done well on my own and will continue to do so.

it’s time to trim the fat.

[spacetimewraithwrites-archive]

Fictober '22 Prompt No. 1 — "I chose you."

Category: Original WIP: Thriving series Rating: T Timeline: honestly there’s a hodgepodge of things that are canon and not canon here so idk CW: None Word Count: 663 Additional Notes: short and cute ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

***

When Warren sat down across from Thrive at the table in the mess of the Setae’togun, he was greeted with raised eyebrows. Though Thrive only glanced up once from the tablet in his hand, he seemed on the verge of asking something. And Warren, ever intuitive and self-aware, suspected he knew what that question was going to be.

“Alright,” he sighed, folding his hands on the surface of the table. “Out with it.”

Thrive’s focus visibly drifted from the tablet, herding his thoughts together and how best to vocalize them, and he did so slowly and carefully. “...Lieutenant Lyressa—”

“Look, I’m feeling a bit insecure lately. I got a bit territorial. I know he wasn’t flirting with you when we met him, but he’s very attractive, and your rapport with him was flawless, and it got my hackles raised.”

After a pause, Thrive set the tablet on the table. “The proper response, then, was a public display of affection in full view of your entire crew.”

“It...wasn’t that public.”

“You’re right. You had the wherewithal to, at the very least, drag me to the back corner of the bridge before you decided to engage me in what can only be described as the desperate kiss of a man about to throw himself head-first into a one-sided battle, pessimistically.”

Warren twisted his fingers together. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”

Thrive swept his eyes over him. “Was there a sincere worry that I would start to physically desire someone untouched?”

“Of course not.” Warren drooped, slumping over the table. “I know that would be impossible. I’m just...” He hesitated, checking around to make sure no one had joined them despite the fact that it was close to the middle of common night and the rest of the crew was in bed. “I don’t...feel good enough for you these days. You being not just a king, but the king now, being as powerful as you are...you’ve had millions fawning over you practically since everyone knew about you and yet that number has somehow quadrupled recently. I don’t feel like I can measure up to someone else better deserving of you.”

A small crease of concern formed between Thrive’s brows. “Have I made you feel that way?” he asked softly.

“No.” Warren placed a hand over Thrive’s arm. “You could never. It’s...a ‘me’ thing. Often I find myself wondering...maybe one day you’ll realize you could do so much better than me.”

Thrive leaned in, affectionately running his own hand over Warren’s forearm. “Then remind yourself that out of all those residing in two galaxies, I chose you.”

“I don’t know about Ashva, but you sure as hell haven’t met everyone in the Milky Way, Thrive.”

“And I wouldn’t choose anyone else if I had. Do you know why?”

Warren dropped his eyes to Thrive’s lips, then dragged them back up to his unwavering gaze. “Why?”

“Because none of them are you.”

“What if I had a clone out there? An identical clone that was walking around talking like me, with my personality and everything?”

“Are you asking me if I would leave you...for you?”

Warren shrugged. “It wouldn't be me, though, not really. It would be me, but only to you, because my consciousness is only in this body and not the clone. So he would be me, essentially, but from the moment he was cloned forward, he wouldn’t be, because he’d be experiencing things differently from me. And as I can’t be conscious in two bodies at once, to my knowledge, he would be me while simultaneously not being me.”

Thrive sat silently for a moment, staring down at the tablet though he wasn’t seeing it at all. He appeared unable to form words before the crease in his brow deepened.

“Warren,” he said at length, and heavily. “I think...I think if I had to deal with more than one of you, I would atomize myself again.”

They met eyes once more, and Warren started to laugh.