#this is insane all around<3 I have plans tomorrow and I'm working on things

[dirt-mccracken]

I haven't left my house in almost 3 full days and I think it may be starting to have some negative impacts

[gracieheartspedro]

Somewhere With You

Part 4 of How Long

pairing: f!reader x brother-in-law!joel miller

FIND Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 HERE!!

description: sleeping with your exes brother is one thing, but envisioning a whole life with him? that's a dangerous game. but you did it. now you're here, and tommy is fucking pissed.

word count: 5.3k

warnings: MINORS DNI! this is 18+, pre!outbreak joel, there is smut in this part!! fear of being caught by sarah?, unprotected p in v, oral sex (f receiving), joel is a CONSENT KING, dirty talk, overstimulation, titty fucking (yw caly), light violence, tommy is literally evil.

author's note: jesus christ i'm so glad I am finally here with this. I feel like finishing this is my greatest success in life lmao. I will probably continue this series but this is the last part for a while. I appreciate everyone's love on it and I can't wait to get more stuff out to y'all!

“Are we going to have a celebration when we get home?”

Joel laughs, “Yeah, we can. What did you wanna do?”

You just listen to Sarah list off all the possible ways to celebrate winning the tournament. The movies, going to the mall for new jeans, going to the local ice cream parlor every night of the week. Joel shakes his head at that one as he turns the truck onto the highway. You have your knees up to your chest, the zip up Joel let you borrow hanging off your shoulders. You had complained about how cold you were all weekend, so Joel shut you up by tossing you his zip up. You haven’t taken it off since. 

The sun was setting over the horizon, drawing the Sunday to a close. You had to work in the morning and you were dreading concluding the weekend you spent with Joel and Sarah. 

Everything with them seems natural. It felt like family. 

You did not want to face tomorrow, especially when there was no set plans as to when you would be hanging out with them again. 

Luckily, Sarah has not mentioned much of anything about what she saw early Saturday morning, so there was no awkward tension. The only time it came up was when you all were tired from Saturday’s events and you arrived back to the hotel room.

“You two sleeping together tonight, too?” She asked, her eyes heavy with exhaustion. She wasn’t even trying to be rude or demeaning, she just wanted to know if she could fall asleep in one of the beds without being stirred. 

“Yeah, you can have that bed hun.” Joel answered. 

Sitting on those horribly uncomfortable bleachers and cheering Sarah on had taken a lot out of you, so you were ready to throw yourself into the plush mattress, too. 

You watched Sarah throw herself onto of the comforter, sinking into the pillows face first. It makes you giggle while you grab your pajamas to change. 

Joel nudges you while you dig through your duffle, “No funny business tonight, ma’am.” 

You shake your head, his comment making your stomach turn upside down with nerves. You smack his chest with the back of your hand, “No duh, asshole.”

Sarah puts her headphones on, drowning out Joel’s humming to an old country song. You just stare ahead, watching him speed pass car after car. His truck revs every time he does it which makes you clench your knees a bit tighter. 

“In a rush, dear?”

The nickname makes his heart race.

He taps his fingers, trying to act like that nickname doesn’t drive him insane. “Want to make sure to get you home so you can be rested up for work in the morning.”

“That’s mighty sweet of you, but take your time. I’m in no rush.”

He eases off the gas a bit, taking your advice. 

“You talk to your Mama lately? She still likin’ Maine?” 

It wasn’t a question you were expecting coming from Joel. You had told him about your mom around the time that she moved away, however long ago that was. You truly didn’t expect him to even remember.

“We talk every week, she likes it there. Wants me to come experience a winter there, so I may go up for Christmas,” You explain, remembering back to conversation you two just had last week. She wanted you to feel what fluffy snow felt like and maybe go skiing with her. 

It makes Joel’s heart sink a bit. Not because you would be visiting your mother, but instead you would not be here to spend Christmas with him and Sarah. He had already planned on making a spot for you at the dining table. 

“That’d be nice,” He licks his lips, contemplating if he should say what he really wants to say, “‘M bettin’ she misses seein’ your beautiful face everyday.”

You smile, your cheeks burning hot at Joel calling you beautiful. You knew you had to throw him off and give him a sarcastic response to keep him on his toes.

“Gonna freeze my ass off there. May have to borrow some of your flannels.”

He chuckles, tilting his head towards you, “You already havta’ have about four of my t-shirts, now that hoodie. You wanna raid me some more?”

“If I’m remembering correctly, you said I just had to “get with you” to get clothes,” You’re whispering, leaning into him. You don’t want Sarah to hear the words you’re speaking to her father, “How many times do we need to go at it before I get one of those denim jackets you own?”

He peers over at you. You smirk, quirking one eyebrow up.

“You with me to get my clothes or somethin’?”

“That and other things,” You tease, pulling away, leaning your back against the seat again. 

Joel peers into the rear view mirror. Sarah is asleep, her headphones blasting her favorite pop album. He tilts his head towards you, his eyes not leaving the road, “You’ll havta remind me of those other things when we get home.”

He could get used to always having you in his passenger seat. 

-

Sarah was dead asleep in the backseat, so you both decided to get all the stuff from the back inside before nudging her awake. You quietly shut the door, grabbing Joel’s one bag from the driveway and slinging it over your shoulder. 

You follow close behind him as he unlocks the front door and places Sarah’s stuff on the staircase. 

The idea of having to leave made you want to scream. You didn’t feel like driving home and laying lonely in your own bed. You didn’t want to resume your boring life at work. You just wanted him. 

This weekend made you realize that you really couldn’t live without him. You’re not only comfortable around him, but he’s exciting. He cracks jokes and compliments you when you don’t expect it. Those couple of months without him were still months he was plaguing your mind, even though he wasn’t physically around you. 

You snap out of your thoughts quickly. You start watching Joel’s muscles restrict over his gray t-shirt and it’s enough to send you to your knees. You didn’t even realize how crazy he was driving you. His messy curls that were trapped under a hat most of the weekend are finally loose and curling up his neck. And the way his jeans hugged his ass while he walked away from you? You didn’t know how long to could refrain from telling him you needed him, right this second. 

“I may call out tomorrow. Too tired to sit on my computer all day and run reports,” You say while he wonders back to you from his bedroom down the hall. You’re hoping it leads to an offer.  

He nods, tossing his keys on the entry table next to you,“Yeah, I am off tomorrow. Have to get this house in order and make sure Sarah actually wakes up for school in the morning.”

No offer. Maybe you could propose it?

“Maybe I could just spend the night.”

The air is thick instantly with tension. You can hear the hitch in his throat. Once you say it, you realize how desperate you must sound. But you want to be able to lay next to him again. You want and need him. 

“If that’s what you wanna do, sweetheart. I don’t mind none. Love havin’ you here.”

He grabs your waist lazily, pulling you into his chest. The connection sends chills down your arms. 

“Are you sure? I don’t want to you to think I’m being needy.”

He doesn’t even hesitate, he just bows his head to capture your lips with his, giving you a slow sensual kiss. You move your hands up to his neck, pulling him down further into you, eager to be close to him. 

When he realizes that’s where it’s going, he pulls up for air. 

“Lemme go get the last couple bags and get Sarah inside.”

As he says that, the door flings open behind you. A sleepy Sarah blinks at both of you, shaking her head instantly when she sees her Dad’s arms wrapped around you. You push back, flinging yourself backwards and away from Joel. 

“Can you lovebirds do that somewhere else,” She groans, while rubbing her eyes, “Don’t need another sibling created right in front of m-”

“Sarah Jane!”

-

You smile when Joel drops onto his mattress with a huff. 

“So…” You drift off, crawling onto Joel’s lap, “You come here often?”

He chuckles, his hands beginning to trail your waist.

“Come here quite often, actually,” He jokes, his hands resting right under your shirt and on your hips. “How about you?”

You hum, “Not really. Maybe a couple times. Would love to come around, more though.”

“That so?”

You lean down, using your fingers to pull back his brown locks and pivot his head upward. You kiss him gingerly, smiling at his small groan.

You pull away, “I’d love to come to your bed every night, Joel Miller.”

The guttural moan he makes sends a rush to your core. He grabs the nape of your neck and brings you back down to his lips. He takes control of your movements, switching positions by gently laying you back. He leans over your body, his lips carrying the weight of his emotion. You’re scrambling though, tugging at his shirt, trying to rid it off his body. He pulls away to throw it off his body, motioning you to do the same. Soon, you two are completely naked.

“I never get sick of this view,” He rasps, his eyes raking your body. 

You smirk, “Back atcha, babe.”

He positions himself on top of you, his lips lingering on your neck and collarbones. 

Joel’s kisses are always intentional. It’s like he knows every pressure point on your body. His lips are always wet and supple, dragging across your soft skin. 

When his mouth reaches the skin around your breast, you start to arch up for more contact. He grabs your stomach, pushing it softly down onto the bed. 

“Patience, baby,” He mumbles, kissing the same area on the other breast. You jerk up again, absentmindedly.

“Can’t help it,” You whine, trying not to sound so desperate. 

He clicks his tongue, “You can and you will.”

His lips wrap around your nipple and you just watch with hooded lids. His eyes are closed, so focus on teasing every inch of your body. You can feel the slick pool between your legs at the sight. 

“Joel, please.”

He releases the pink nub, “What, baby? Use those words.”

“I want you all over, Joel.”

“Yeah? Where? Here?” 

He grabs your breast roughly, making you mewl. 

You finally gesture down. Your hand slides between your legs, dragging up and down your own slit. You gather as much slick as you can, bringing it up to Joel’s surprised expression. 

“I see…” He brings your fingers up to his lips. You gape at his next actions, amazed that he’s so filthy. He takes your two fingers and licks them like a popsicle. You audible sigh as he sucks on your fingers like a man starved. 

“You goin’ to be extra good for me?” He asks when your digits escape his mouth. 

“Always am.”

Your voice is shaky when you say it. It makes Joel smirk. He loves when you sound ruined.

“Love hearing those words come out of your pretty little mouth.”

He crawls down your body, peppering kisses from your stomach down to your thighs. You watch him closely as he props your thighs over his shoulders. He does not waste time, diving straight into your divine center. You try to refrain from screaming his name, knowing Sarah may not be asleep yet. You clap your hand over your mouth while he licks your sensitive clit. He lays his tongue flat, pressing into you as he shakes his head back and forth. When he does that, you yelp into your palm. 

“Mmm, baby girl wants to be loud so bad,” He chuckles darkly, using his fingers to spread your lips, “You wanna be loud for me huh?”

“Yes, please, God,” You pant, “Need you in me, Joel.”

“Yeah? Lets stretch you out a bit,” He doesn’t even give any warning when he sinks his fingers inside your pussy. “Gotta make sure you’re nice and ready, baby girl. Want you to cum before I stick this cock in ya.”

You swallow, letting him take the lead like usual. You liked it this way, when he ravishes you with his abilities and you get to cum several times. You never had sex like this in your life, especially consistently. 

His fingers curl inside you, pumping in and out. You can hear how wet you are, the wetness sequelching against Joel’s fingers. Your pussy is graced with his tongue again while he fucks you with his digits. It’s like it’s pulled out of you. The orgasm sends white hot flashes to your vision. You know you’re saying something, but it’s no word in the English language. 

When you come back down from euphoria, Joel’s ontop of you again. He’s kissing your cheeks, mumbling something about how beautiful you are when you cum. 

“Joel, please,” Your hands grab onto his biceps, “Want you inside me.”

His cock drags along your navel, as he situates himself between your legs. 

“Yeah? Always so eager,” He grabs his cock with his free hand, “Wanna try something a little different?”

Your stomach drops, “Like what?”

He toys with your nipple with his pointer and thumb, “Always wanted to fuck these.”

You smirk at the thought, your stomach finally at ease.

“You want to fuck my titties, Joel?”

“If you’ll let me,” He squeezes your boob gently, “Think these things are perfect. Want my cock right between them.”

You nod, “Fuck ‘em then, baby.”

He pulls you up, practically shoving you on the ground beside his bed. He wasn’t being aggressive, just guiding you to follow his lead. You sit on your knees, watching up at him as he pumps his cock over you. You use both hands to push your tits together. He grins as he touches the head of his cock to your hard nipples. 

“So good for me,” He groans, slipping his cock between your cleavage, “Obeyin’ me and doin’ everythin’ I want. My fuckin’ dream girl.”

He starts to fuck your squeezed together tits as you stare up at him with a completely spent expression. You dribble some spit down between the break in your breast to lube up the area. Your pupils are blown and you feel the wetness of you slit soaking the skin of your legs. You can tell by the look on Joel’s face that he could cum at the sight of you. 

But he stops and instead, grabs your bicep and tosses you back on the bed. You watch him crawl up between your legs, his face untamed and filled with anticipation. 

“Need to cum in that pussy,” He pumps it a couple times before slipping in between your pussy lips, “Do you need me to put on a condom or anything? I don’t have to fuck you raw every time.”

You bite your lip, “I like feeling every part of you, Joel. I promise.”

“Mmm,” He hums, sinking his cock head inside you, “Love to hear that, baby.”

You circle your hips, practically fiening for him to sink all the way into you. He takes the hint, plunging into you with one snap. Once he’s finally sheathed in you, you groan out which only instigates him. He draws out and back in, his pace painstakingly slow. You grip onto his forearms, digging your nails into them. Maybe he will take the hint that you need it faster. 

But, no.

“Words, darlin’. Tell me what you need.”

You choke out the words, “Faster. Harder.”

He kisses your lips, shushing you as his tempo picks up. He wants to feel the vibrations of your moans. He knows if you’re too loud there may be listening ears, so kissing you will hush the sounds of pleasure. He sits up and repositions, grabbing the back of both of your legs, practically folding you in half. You smirk in delight, watching his furrowed expression focus on your body’s reactions. 

“This pussy is mine,” He huffs, watching himself plow into you, “All fuckin’ mine. Ya know that?”

“Yes,” You manage to peep out, “It’s yours, Joel.”

“Jesus fuckin’ Christ,” He spreads your legs, opening you up nice and wide. His thumb finds your responsive clit, circling it with the momentum of his hips, “Cum for me, baby. Soak this fuckin’ cock.”

Your body reacts in the way he finds so satisfying. Your hips lift up as the climax takes over, your whole body shaking at the ecstasy he brings you. He doesn’t let up, chasing his own bliss. You are so overstimulated, you are just gasping for air. He starts to falter, his pace slowing as he coats your insides with his cum. 

You start to chuckle when his body practically collapses onto you. His sweaty curls stick to your perspiring cheek. You find yourself kissing his temple, practically thanking him for fucking you so good every time.

He stands up, his half-hard dick slipping out of you pain-stakingly slow. You whimper at the feeling, still a mess from your orgasm. 

“God, you are perfect,” He mumbles, his hand slipping down your bare thigh, “Could fuck you every day for the rest of my life.”

You are still awestruck by the interaction, you don’t even know you’re saying it, “Why don’t you?”

He smiles while he helps you sit up, “I will. Now let’s get you all showered and ready for bed, huh?”

“Yes, please.”

-

Luckily for you, your body naturally wakes up at 5:30AM. You creep out of the bedroom, making sure not to stir Joel awake. You find the house phone and call your boss, letting her know you were “sick” and needed to use a sick day. She just mumbled a “whatever” and you hung up, heading back to the warmth of Joel’s bed. 

Joel wakes up as soon as you crawl back into bed, but he knew he had to get up and make sure Sarah got ready and off to school, anway. He cuddles you for a bit, watching you nod back off to sleep. He let you sleep in while he cleaned up the house a bit. He tries his best not to much too much noise, not wanting to rattle you awake. 

You did wake back up when you heard the vacuum. You pull yourself together, putting your hair up into a bun as you stumble out of the bedroom. Joel stands in the living room, not even aware you’re behind him. He jumps when he notices you in the threshold, turning off the vacuum. 

“Mornin’ sleepin’ beauty,” He laughs as he wraps up the vacuum cord. 

“Mornin’ handsome.”

You watch him roll the machine back into the hall closet before taking note to how nice and clean the house looked. 

“Looks good in here,” You mumble, noting how every surface looks dusted, “It’s missing one thing. You have a vase?”

He silently nods, looking at you confused.

“Go fill it with water, I’ll be back.”

You walk towards the front door, swinging it open as you begin tip toeing to Joel’s side garden. He had started it with Sarah years ago, and for the most part, it was completely overgrown. Some flowers still bloom in the Texas sun, so you pick the prettiest from the dirt. Once you have a bundle, you practically jog inside to show Joel your bouquet. 

“Hmm,” He smirks, “Didn’t think we needed flowers.”

“Well, you do.”

He shows you the vase on the coffee table, letting you take on the responsibility to make it pretty. He watches you carefully, your tired eyes trained on the task. 

You were his dream girl, truly.

Once you’re satisfied with your arrangement, you make a grand gesture. 

“Beautiful, baby,” He beams, wrapping his arms around your waist. He drops down onto the couch, pulling you into his lap. 

“Who me or the flowers?” You joke.

“Both.”

You give him a lazy kiss, smirking into it. 

This part of life with Joel is so domestic and perfect. You two could create this little world and live in it forever. He appreciated your silly antics, knowing how neglected this side of you must have been with Tommy. He didn’t care about the small gestures like Joel did. 

It was so reassuring being with Joel. He praised you like you had never been before. 

As you pull away from his lips, you hear a door slam outside. Before you could even react, the front door swings open into the house. You sit on Joel’s lap, turned away from the front door, completely dumbfounded.

“What is going on here?”

His voice scares you. You don’t even want to turn around in Joel’s lap to face him. Joel slowly helps you out of his lap, his eyes never leaving Tommy’s. 

When you finally turn to face Tommy, his eyes are wild and bright red. He looks like he hasn’t showered in days, his longer hair greasy and standing in all sorts of directions. It’s not his appearance that scares you, it’s the energy he’s brought into Joel’s living room. It’s the same scary tension you experienced when he lashed out on you before. 

Joel finally speaks up, clearing his throat. “What do you mean?”

But Tommy isn’t talking to Joel. He’s looking at you. 

“Are you fuckin’ my brother?”

He’s pointing at you, his finger waving at you like an adult who’s scolding a child. You open your mouth, but you can’t say anything. Your throat is dry, the shock and terror taking ahold of your vocal chords. 

“Tommy, we aren’t doing this.”

Joel puts himself in between Tommy and you, ensuring he doesn’t creep closer to you. You want to believe Tommy would never get physical with you, but the way he looks now, you’re not one hundred percent positive. 

“That’s not what I fuckin’ asking, Joel. Are you two sleepin’ together?” 

His voice is booming, bouncing off every corner of the room. It makes you shrink three sizes. 

Joel places his head up, warning him silently not to get any closer, “Tommy-”

“Answer the fuckin’ question!”

You want to curl into a ball. You knew this would fucking happen. You knew he’d go insane. 

You look at Joel finally. You realize your eyes were trained on Tommy in terror, unsure on how to console him. Joel licks his lips, rolling his eyes a bit. You just nod, trying to answer Tommy’s question without saying anything. You didn’t want him to realize how shaky your voice was. 

Once he gets confirmation, all hell breaks loose. He’s pushing on Joel with his chest, screaming expletives at him. You stand in the corner of the living room, your body practically wedged between a lamp and the couch. You want to become one of the dustbunnies on the floor boards, not wanting to be apart of this situation.

“You’re a fuckin’ asshole! You fucked my girl-“

Before he can even finish the statement, Joel becomes a brick wall. He’s staring down at Tommy now, all the while snot is running down at his little brother’s face. He looked pathetic. As he nudges Joel’s chest, he hardly moves a milimeter. Joel doesn’t even hesitate when he says the next words. 

“Not your girl.”

You truly cannot believe the words coming out of Joel’s mouth. You knew what he was insinuating and it brought chills up your back. Tommy’s movements completely halt and he stands there in a stunned silence. Joel’s jaw is slack, his eyes trained down at Tommy. It’s a stand-off. 

Tommy crooks his head to the side, like he’s stretching it. “You want to pull that shit now, Joel? I knew you wanted my sloppy seconds the moment you told me she was at your house that night.”

Being referred as “sloppy seconds” makes your blood boil. It’s so dehumanizing. 

“Stop talking about her like that,” Joel warns, his voice a whole octave lower. 

“No,” Tommy growls, his gaze finally falling on you again, “You’re a whore. Just like your stupid sister.”

You swallow hard. It’s finally your moment to shine. The burst of adrenaline chorusing through your veins finally propels you forward, pushing Joel out of your way. 

“You’re the town whore, Tommy Miller. You fucked your way around Austin and then came home to me every night,” You are shaking. Luckily, your voice isn’t wavering, “You lie. You cheat. You are a decietiful little shit. And I’m so glad you are because if you hadn’t slept with my sister and told me, I would have never realized how terrible you were to me all these years. I wasted so much time on babying you.”

The vein in his forehead is bulging and it makes you smile a bit. 

“If I could go back in time, I would’ve saved my fucking tears and ran the other direction.”

He has the audacity to giggle, “Instead you ran right into Joel’s arms.”

You don’t hesitate, “You never gave a damn about me, he actually did. I should’ve taken the hint the moment he brought me flowers for my graduation, and you showed up with a flask.”

“You graduated college! Big fuckin’ deal! Get over yourself!”

Now you’re laughing. 

“Bite me, Tommy,” You reach out and grab his t-shirt, pulling him into you. It makes Joel super nervous how close he is to you. He knows Tommy’s temper and how easily he will snap. He doesn’t know the next words about to come out of your mouth. 

“You cheated on me, you fucking loser. I told you then we were done that night, did I not? What I did after that point is not your business. I’m not yours anymore. And your brother, he treats me real good. Way better than you ever did. He can actually last, unlike you,” You smack your lips together, “He can fuck me better than you, that’s for sure.”

Joel’s eyes widen at the words. Tommy looks completely dazed, but as soon as the last line leaves your mouth, he pushes you backward, right into Joel. You squeak at the contact, your brain registering that he actually put his hands on you. Joel quickly grabs you from tripping over him, and places you behind him quickly. Tommy reaches out for you, but Joel stops him meer inches from your face. 

“Fuck you!”

Tommy tries to throw his hand at Joel’s head next but it’s quickly stopped by Joel’s forearm. Instead of Tommy continuing the fight with you two, he takes it out on the new flowers and vase you just put out on Joel’s coffee table. He uses all his force, grabbing the vase and launching it towards the wall. The glasses shatters, water splashes on the wall, and pieces of flowers litter the floor. 

The action sends Joel pushing Tommy backward and against the wall. You want to yell out for them to stop, but all that comes out his Joel’s name. 

When he pins Tommy to the wall, he finally turns to you. 

“Don’t.”

It’s the only word you can say. You’re shaking, your eyes welling with tears. Joel knows you don’t want to see him demolish Tommy with his fists, so he thinks quick. He grabs Tommy’s collar, dragging him out the front door. 

You follow far behind, not sure what Joel’s gameplan is. 

Tommy is yelling, telling Joel to unhand him. Joel just tightens his grip. 

“Coming into my house, talking to my girl like that. Fuckin’ disrespectful little shit.”

“Fuck you, Joel,” Tommy yells, his voice probably waking the neighbors. Joel launches Tommy’s body into the front yard, right near the flower bed. You watch from the doorway, wanting to keep your distance from the confrontation. 

“Remember when you had temper tantrums when Momma told you no as a boy? Nothings changed. You’re an immature little brat.”

Joel reaches down into the flower bed, grabbing the hose. Tommy is still on the ground, scrambling to get up. Joel does something so unexpected, it makes you yelp. He starts soaking Tommy with the hose. 

“Yeah, like the girl said before,” He aims towards Tommy’s face, “bite me.”

Tommy starts to spit up water, jumping up and away from the stream of water. Instead of tackling Joel like you anticipate, he just shakingly wipes his hair out of his eyes. 

“You two are sick. Fuckin’ sick. And everyone will know about this.”

It makes your heart sink to your stomach. You don’t really care if anyone knows anymore. You knew this was going to be the worst part, but its the way he makes it sound like a threat. 

“I bet they will, I just don’t give a damn.”

Joel sprays him while he stands up, making Tommy groan and yell out in annoyance. Joel just smiles, sickly. 

Tommy storms off to his truck, dripping wet from the shower Joel just gave him on his front lawn. Joel tosses the hose back into the garden, satisfied with his work. You two stand there, watching Tommy do a burn out and speed off down the road. You breathe out loud, your hands finding your face. Joel glances between his neighbour’s houses, ensuring there is no one outside watching the events unfold. He did not care if they did watch, but he knew you would probably care. 

He grabs ahold of your shoulders, guiding you back inside the house. Your eyes instantly fall on all the shattered glass and flowers as you walk inside. Joel ignores it and brings you into the kitchen. 

Your mind is racing. You knew every word you said to Tommy was right deep down. But the girl you were, she wouldn’t have instigated his rage. She would’ve sat there and took every word he said to heart and believed them. 

But the girl you are now, that girl is completely ruthless. You are petty. You are harsh. You are angry. 

You kind of scared yourself. 

“Joel-”

“No baby,” he mutters, “You better not say what I think you’re gonna say.”

“Joel, we can’t d-”

“We can. Because fuck Tommy. Fuck everyone,” He grabs your hips, letting his hands settle softly on your curves, “I want you. I want you so bad. I am not lettin’ you get away. Tommy can tell everyone in the fuckin’ world about us, and I won’t fuckin’ care. What he says doesn’t reflect you. You did nothin’ wrong. Okay?”

You swallow. You know he’s right, but you’re so scared of all this fallout. You don’t want it to scare you away from Joel, but it’s nervewracking to wait around and anticipate all of the chaos that will follow this incident. You did not want to tear apart a family. It’s the same feeling you had the morning after you first slept with Joel.

You’re scared to have him because of what it means for him. It means weird holidays and weird stares at grocery stores. It means you will be known as his brother’s ex girlfriend never just his girl. 

You don’t realize it, but you’re staring past Joel. He tilts your head towards him, making your eyes connect. 

“I love you, okay?”

His words make your heart flutter with relief. Maybe that’s what you needed. You needed him to finally say those words. Because those words were hanging in the back of your mind, simmering, waiting to be said.

“I love you, too, Joel.”

[grandeoatmilklatte]

Undying Love 💍 (Part 4 - Escape)

A/N: Once again, I am insanely sorry this took so long to post. I'm starting to think I'm not cut out for long fics with how distracted I get and how much I end up delaying them. Anyways thanks for sticking around, there is one more part to this that I am writing as we speak (and it'll be smutty) and that I swear will be posted tomorrow!

Undying Love - Part 4: Escape - Ominis Gaunt x Female MC

Summary: The trio enact their grand finale, but there's still tension present from past events. 2.4k words

Warnings: no smut in this one, but parts 1 & 3 do contain smut. This one is mostly angst.

Tagging list!: @myrachondria, @lesbolordo, @froggyinaspen, @lora-erwood enjoy! 💕

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 5!!

-----------------------------------

It had been twelve hours. 

Twelve hours since Ominis was pronounced “dead”. Twelve hours since MC and Sebastian had to play the grieving friends, MC doing an exceptionally good job at it, her tears completely real, the stress of the night bringing those tears out of her. As if she hadn’t cried enough tonight. Her mind was cluttered with fear. Her brain screamed at her, “What if it doesn’t work?” repeating over and over in her head. Sebastian tried to comfort her, which worked in their favor, as he just looked like a good boyfriend to Ominis’s family. 

Twelve hours had passed, and his funeral was already underway. MC wasn’t surprised that his family didn’t seem too upset by his “passing”, they never truly cared for him. It angered MC how little they cared when he meant the world to her. Her heart ached for him and for all the pain he had been through, some of the pain having been caused by her own actions, her tears starting up once again. Sebastian wrapped his arm around MC, rubbing her back and comforting her as Ominis’s coffin was placed in the family mausoleum. Sebastian had conjured up some holes in the coffin to allow airflow, which went unnoticed by his family, even Marvolo, who up until 12 hours ago seemed to always be suspicious of the three of them. He remained silent and unreadable. He didn’t seem as apathetic as his family, but he didn’t seem distraught either. 

Once everything was said and done, Sebastian announced that he was going to take MC upstairs so she could have a minute to cool down, having been so distraught by the whole ordeal. Once they were alone with the door shut and a silencing charm in place, Sebastian immediately jumped into action. 

“Alright, so, it was around  eleven o’clock when Ominis took that potion, it’s almost noon now, so we’ve got less than…” Sebastian whipped out his pocket watch,  “twelve hours to do this. We’ll pack our things, let them know that we’re leaving, wait until dark and once the coast is clear we’ll get Ominis out and leave. As long as we’re out well before he’s supposed to wake up, this plan should be fool proof!”

MC wiped her nose on the sleeve of her jumper, one of Ominis’s jumpers that she had claimed for herself, and sniffled. Her voice was small and nervous. “Alright, I’m just so nervous. Is he alright in there? What if he doesn’t wake up? What if we get caught?” Her mind was spinning. She felt like she might pass out. 

Sebastian brought his hands to MC’s shoulders, his hold on her felt comforting. “MC…I know things have been weird between us. We haven’t gotten to speak much since the library incident. I’d be an idiot to deny that I still love you. I always will. But your friendship and Ominis’s friendship mean everything to me. You two have stuck by me through my worst days, even when I didn’t deserve it. And right now I’ll do anything to get you both out of here safely. You have my word.” Sebastian picked up MC’s hand and kissed it.

-------------------

It was a few minutes after noon when Sebastian and MC emerged from Ominis’s room, their belongings packed and ready to go - with a little less than eleven hours to spare. They attempted to sneak out the door unnoticed, but were stopped by Marvolo, his streak of not being suspicious having ended.

“Are you leaving?” he asked with a small smirk on his face, not as obnoxious as he normally looked.

“This whole thing has been really rough on me. The last place I want to be is Ominis’s room, or his home for that matter.” MC tried to sound as somber as she could. 

“Aw, shame.” Marvolo shot her what was most definitely a fake smile. “Why don’t you at least stay for dinner? Mother and father would be incredibly disappointed if you both left now! Everyone’s been up all night, you two must be so tired. You can leave after dinner.”

“Of course we’ll stay!” Sebastian jumped in with a chipper tone to his voice, no doubt trying to come off as least suspicious as possible. 

----------------

A whole six hours had passed by the time dinner was served and eaten. They only had five hours left, which may have seemed like a lot, but MC grew more and more nervous as the hours passed. Eager to leave, but trying not to seem too eager, Sebastian spoke up, trying to remain casual. 

“Well, I believe we ought to be leaving. It’s been a rough day for all of us. I imagine some alone time would do us all well.��� 

Mrs. Gaunt’s voice was soft when she spoke, almost as if she felt a little sadness. “Oh, you two are welcome to stay an extra night. It is late. We’re all grieving. It might do you both good to rest here for the night.”

MC couldn’t take it anymore. She had gotten no sleep during the night, the last time she had truly eaten was 24 hours ago, as she had barely eaten her dinner tonight, and the stress of the day left her feeling light headed. She stood up from the table far too suddenly with the intention of protesting and insisting that it would be in their best interest to head home. But as she stood, the room began to violently spin. She blinked, momentarily seeing black before she opened her eyes, finding herself face to face with the floor before she saw black once again. 

-----------------

She woke to find herself in bed, her hand seeking out the warmth of Ominis before her memories flooded back to her. Sebastian rose from the chair he was in as he noticed her stir. “MC! Holy shit you gave me a scare back there. You fainted as soon as you stood up.” Panic began to spread through her whole body. “What time is it?! How long was I out?!” She shouted at Sebastian before throwing her hand over her mouth, realizing she was far louder than she should have been. 

Sebastian sighed. “It’s after 9 o’clock. You were out for three hours, so we’re down to less than two hours now.” MC practically jumped from the bed. “We need to go. Now!” 

“We’ll have to sneak our way out. The Gaunts insisted we stay another night after you fainted. It seems like the Gaunts are asleep, but we may have Marvolo to worry about. I already took our stuff outside, and I have a note ready saying that we left once you woke up. So we just need to get out of here.” Sebastian seemed determined, and it warmed your heart to hear how willing he was to help you pull this off, even if his feelings were conflicted. The two of you cast disillusionment charms on yourselves, and quietly crept out the door. 

-------------------

Sebastian’s assumption was correct, as they found Marvolo up, sitting in the library reading. With how observant he had been thus far with the duo, they exchanged panicked looks, pausing for a second to think through their options. The door was open, and they needed to pass the room. Marvolo was facing perpendicular to the entryway, but facing them where he would most likely see them if they ran past. 

MC thought back to a time Sebastian and her shared together, before things got complicated between them. It was their time sneaking into the restricted section of the library. They were in a similar scenario, trying to get past the prefects, also covered by disillusionment charms. MC’s heart fluttered for a moment, remembering how Sebastian protected her when he got caught, refusing to give her up. It was the exact moment she fell in love with him. She pushed that specific thought out of her mind, instead remembering how they got past the prefects anyway. MC hesitantly lifted her shaky arm, terrified that Marvolo would sense the action. She aimed her wand at a glass vase behind him on a bookshelf and cast a nonverbal spell at it, causing it to shatter behind him. Marvolo looked up in their direction for half a second before turning around to figure out what just happened, MC grabbing Sebastian’s hand and running past the entryway and into the foyer, where they took a second to hide behind a wall, making sure Marvolo wasn’t following them. The front door being feet away from them. They were almost in the clear. Almost.

They heard Marvolo exit the room and heard his footsteps creeping towards the foyer. Sebastian, inspired by MC’s actions, peaked out from behind the wall and shot his own spell into the kitchen off to the right of the foyer area. Marvolo headed that way. They dashed forward and made it to the door, but their footsteps were a little loud, Marvolo immediately coming back into the foyer. The pair were grateful it was dark in the foyer, meaning they weren’t caught right away, but they were certainly about to be caught, Marvolo looking around with his wand drawn. Both MC and Sebastian had their wands drawn as well, neither of them having an actual plan as to what they were going to do now. Marvolo looked in their direction, as if sensing them, and began to slowly approach them, his typical smirk on his face. He raised his wand, ready to shoot who knows what in their direction, but MC acted quicker, shouting the first spell that came to mind to help them in this situation. 

“Imperio!”

Sebastian removed the disillusionment charm from himself, a look of shock on MC’s face. MC’s charm had come off as well. Guilt painted on her face. MC let out a sigh. “You didn’t see or hear anything. Go back to your reading.” Marvolo obeyed immediately, a green glow in his eyes, walking away from them. They walked out the front door unbothered, but not before Sebastian left his note on the kitchen table explaining to the Gaunts that they had gone home. 

The duo ran as soon as they made it outside towards the small family cemetery. Once they crossed the threshold into it, MC collapsed onto the soft ground and began to cry. On her wedding day, one of the many promises she had made to Ominis was that she would never cast an unforgivable curse ever again, knowing the pain those curses caused Ominis. Not only had she broken her promise and cast one, but it was on a family member no less. They were awful people, but that didn’t stop her from feeling guilty. The whole time they had been here all she had done was broken promises she made to him. She felt awful, like she didn’t deserve to be Ominis’s wife. Sebastian wrapped his arms around her, letting her cry into his shoulder. 

“MC, we should go. There’s not much time left. We need to get Ominis out of here before he wakes up and before anyone gets suspicious.”

Wiping her tears, they made their way into the mausoleum, quickly opening up the crypt with some spellwork. There he was, her husband, still fast asleep, she hoped. MC looked him over, her tears starting up once again. “Is he still okay?” MC asked, her voice small and hoarse. “I think so. Afterall he is supposed to look dead!” Sebastian chuckled trying to lighten the mood, but his attempt was a failure. Sebastian picked Ominis up, throwing him over his shoulder as MC repaired the crypt back to its original state, sealing it in the hopes that it would never be opened by his family. She then peaked outside, listening to ensure the coast was clear. They placed disillusionment charms on themselves once again, and quietly and quickly exited the mausoleum and took off running into the forest before apparating. 

They landed in a small wooded area near MC and Ominis’s home, having enchanted the home so one could not apparate onto the property. They collapsed onto the ground, panting, trying to catch their breath. Sebastian placed Ominis’s body softly onto the ground. MC leaning over him, staring at him and running her fingers through his hair. “How much time?” she asked Sebastian, beginning to cry once again. “Should be any minute now.” he said as he watched her.

MC continued to run her fingers through Ominis’s hair, her other hand coming to his face, stroking his cheek. “Darling, please wake up. We did it. We’re safe now. Please?” She sat there for several minutes, fearing the worst. “Ominis, I love you. Please wake up. I need you. You’re my entire world and I can’t live without you. You’re my best friend, my favorite person, the one who makes me forget about every bad thing I’ve ever been through. Marrying you was the greatest thing I ever did. I’m sorry for the hurt I’ve caused you. I’m sorry I kissed Sebastian, I’m sorry I cast an unforgivable curse on Marvolo, I’m sorry for hurting you but I only did it for you. Please…I love you.” MC’s soft cries had turned to sobs at this point as she held his hand and rested her head on his chest. Her tears immediately stopped when she felt the gentle rise and fall of his chest. She sat up. “He’s breathing normally. He’s awake!” 

Ominis opened his eyes and sat up. “How unfortunate, I was actually enjoying hearing you tell me how much you loved me!” He smirked, but his smirk immediately switched to a look of anger “Did you say you cast an unforgivable curse on my brother?!” 

Sebastian jumped in “She had to, mate, we almost got caught trying to escape that hellhole.” 

“Shut it! Don’t think for a second that I’m not still angry with you. Both of you.” Ominis ripped his hand out of MC’s grasp, which made MC gasp. Ominis fished for his wand, holding it out to determine where he was. The tip of the wand pulsed red for several minutes before Ominis got up, wand held out, and began walking his way back towards their home, leaving Sebastian and MC still sitting on the ground. 

Their plan worked, but at what cost?

----------end of part 4---------

[mysecretlittlelibrary]

Battle Of The Knights Pt. 4: And The Winner Is...

Pairing: Moonknight trio x Reader

Word Count: 1.9k

Warnings: nothin- you're safe

Genre: fluff- still just fluff lol

Summary: "So let me get this straight, you all like me, so you each want to take me on a date and let me decide what to do after?" You can't believe the words you're hearing even as you repeat them back.

What happens when the relationships you've built with Marc and his two alters are turned on their heads by a proposition that is anything but simple? How can they expect you to risk blowing up the carefully crafted dynamic you've worked so hard to create? And why do you agree to such an insane suggestion?

A/N: is anyone actually interested in reading the alt endings for this story 🤣 cuz ik nobody actually wants to pick

***

You took a week to mull it over. To really consider your options and what the best approach to this conversation with them would be. Eventually, when you've given yourself headaches from trying to predict the future, you cave in and text the trio knowing you can't continue to delay the inevitable.

Hey guys. I've made a decision. Meet me at our usual cafe for lunch tomorrow. How's 3?

You're not sure who responds to you. It's short and whoever it is doesn't sign off like they usually do.

sounds great. see you then

Maybe Marc or Jake. When the trio is anxious Jake usually has to deal with things but it's possible Marc is taking the wheel since he's known you the longest. You're almost certain the text isn't from Steven, he always uses full sentences with proper punctuation and capitalization when he texts. He's also pretty fond of exclamation marks and emoticons. A text from Steven would probably look more like 'Sounds great! See you then! :)'

Jake seems the most likely sender of the text, but it really doesn't matter either way. They'll be there and you need to address all three of them anyway. When you walk into the cafe, they're already there and they stand up when you walk over to them.

"Y/n! Hey!" It's Marc who greets you and gives you a hug.

"Hi, Marc. Thanks for coming." You say taking a seat across from him.

"Wouldn't miss it for the world. We're happy to see you. Steven was starting to get super worried." Marc says.

"Oh was he?" You chuckle.

"Yeah, you know how he gets." Marc shrugs.

"How I get?! I wasn't the one checking our phone every ten minutes. He was way more anxious about this than I-"

"Steven. I know." You cut off his rambling with a chuckle even though the sudden switch caught you by surprise.

"You know?" Steven blinks at you.

"Of course I do. Marc isn't as subtle as he thinks he is." You muse.

"Oh- okay." He says.

"Would you like to stick around for this or do you want Marc or Jake to come out before I get into the details?" You ask.

"I- I take it I'm not going to like how this conversation goes? If you're offering me an out?" He frowns.

"I'm not sure actually."

"You're not sure? I thought you called us here because you made a decision?" He tilts his head.

"I did. Kind of. Actually, I have some questions to ask first. I'm only offering you an out because I know you don't like dealing with unfamiliar territory and I don't think this will be a very comfortable conversation." You say.

"Questions for who?" Steven asks.

"Well, technically all of you."

"I'll stick around then." He says hesitantly.

"Okay then. Well, I guess my main question is, out of curiosity- what was the plan? Like- long term, for the three of you?" You ask.

"What do you mean?" He shakes his head.

"If I choose one of you, even if best case scenario it doesn't alter my friendships with the other two- what about their romantic lives? Did you all plan to just have three completely separate dating lives for the rest of forever?" You ask. There's a moment of silence as Steven registers your question. You can tell from the look on his face he's never even thought about it before.

"Do you have a mirror?" Steven asks. You reach into your bag and pull out the compact you usually carry.

"Here." You hand it to him and he opens it and puts it on the table in front of him. You know it's so Marc and Jake can easier communicate with him.

"We- never really thought about it. I guess so." Steven says.

"See that's the thing. I was thinking about it and logistically how would that even work? I mean you guys are of course individuals but you do share a body. It's a strange situation to put someone in, sharing their boyfriend with one or two other people even if it's just physically because it's not like you can tell every first date you go on that you have a personality disorder and one of your alters already has a girlfriend but if you hide that information for too long it would totally screw up your chances with that person." You explain.

"So- instead of focusing on the decision you were supposed to make you've been worrying about what your choice could mean for the others?"

"Well, yeah. I care about all of you was that not obvious?"

"It's always been obvious but-"

"What are you suggesting muñequita?" Jake interrupts whatever Steven was going to say with his question.

"Jake." You say as a way of acknowledging the switch. 

"Before you ask, Steven didn't run off, I took over because he's gonna beat around the bush and I want to get to the point already."

"Well it wasn't nice of you to cut him off like that Jake." You frown.

"He'll be fine. Y/n, what are you suggesting?"

"I'm suggesting that you learn how to share. All three of you."

"Share?" Jake raises an eyebrow at you.

"The best chance for all of you to have a happy, healthy, fulfilling, long-term relationship is to date one person. That or you- take turns for the rest of your life for who will be able to pursue romance. This separate but equal life y'all have been trying to maintain will not work here. You date one person, who knows all of you and loves all of you or only one of you gets that happy ending because you can't expect three women to date three minds in one body. In that scenario, nobody is getting it all and you are spread entirely too thin." You sigh.

"So, what does that mean? For you." Jake crosses his arms.

"For me? Nothing. It doesn't have to be me that you choose. I just think it would be better for you all to find one person that you're willing to go through that kind of experience with. I mean clearly, despite having very different personalities there are interests that you share in a partner evidently. So I think you should look for- for somebody that could love all of you because you are a system- you work best together even if you don't think so. I've seen it."

"So you will not make a choice? Is that what I'm understanding here?" He asks and you shake your head.

"I won't choose one of you. I can't do that because it creates a very complex situation for everyone involved. Have you even thought about dating the same person before?"

"This is as intertwined as our dating lives have ever gotten. I mean- you know I don't date for a myriad of reasons and Steven can hardly start a conversation with a woman and Marc- he's equally as hopeless in a very different way. We haven't talked about dating really because we don't think about it. Too much else is going on." He shrugs.

"Are you against it?" You ask.

"Sharing a partner? We- we have never thought about that until just now when you brought it up." Jake says. You watch his eyes flick down to the mirror and he makes a face at something Marc or Steven said.

"What if we wanted to do it- with you?" It's Marc that asks you this question. You're surprised they switched out, since Marc was really only around to say hello you almost thought he'd stay inside for the whole conversation.

"What?" You blink.

"What if we wanted to date you? All of us. I mean- you've already been on dates with each of us, you've always cared for all of us- do you think, do you think you could be that person we choose to try that experience with? You said you won't choose one of us over the others so- what if we didn't want you to choose?"

"Just to be clear I didn't bring this idea to you as a loophole for me. You don't have to date me. I want you all to be happy and this just seemed like the most reasonable way to ensure that." You say.

"I know. We know. But we also don't want to look for someone else. We- our hearts, heart? Our feelings are for you. We have no interest in suppressing them or trying to replicate them with someone else. We think- we, us and you, work well together. Plus I honestly don't think Jake would consider dating anyone else anyway." Marc says and you can't help but chuckle at the last bit.

"And you're sure? This is what you want? All of you?"

"Do you want to hear each of us say yes?" Marc asks. You pause for a second trying to decide if his suggestion is serious.

"That would help honestly." You nod.

"Okay. I dunno if you wanna hear me say it since I'm the one suggesting it to you but I want this." Marc says.

"Yeah, I gathered." You giggle.

"I hate to admit it but he's right I have no interest in dating anyone else. It's you or no one. At least for me." Jake says albeit a bit grumbly.

"Just so we're clear, you understand I'd be not only your girlfriend but Steven and Marc's too, right?" You ask.

"It was me you brought up the sharing a partner thing to in the first place muñequita, I get it. I think you're right, but I'm only in if it's you. We are best with you." Jake says.

"I don't think you need me to be your best, but I appreciate the sentiment."

"Do not start with me." Jake warns but before he can say anything else, Steven nudges his way to front.

"I'm in as well. I'm not- assertive the way Jake is or smooth like Marc, but- if you'll have me-"

"Steven I have never thought of you as less than Jake or Marc. I care for you the same as I do them and you don't need to be like them. I want you to be you. I don't need two Jakes and I certainly don't need two Marcs. I do need one Steven though. Okay?" You look at him and hope your eyes show the sincerity of your words.

"I can definitely work with that."

"I hope so- I've already hand-picked you for it." You smile which Steven returns.

"So, will you be our girlfriend? Mine and Jake's and Marc's? Now that it's clear we're all on the same page about being with you."

"I would love to be your girlfriend." You giggle.

"We should take you on a date. As a unit this time as opposed to what we did before." Steven says.

"Sounds good." You nod. "This time I'm planning it." You add after a moment.

"Now wait a damn minute-" Marc scoffs.

"Nope! You each got to plan a date for me. It's my turn now that is only fair." You say.

"We asked you though." He says.

"We're dating now who cares? We'll take turns planning dates." You shrug and stand from the table. You walk over and kiss his cheek. "I have to get back to mine. I have work to finish. Since you're no longer in competition, you can discuss your dates with each other. I'll text you when I've figured out our plans for the next one." You tell them.

"We can see you before then, right?" Marc asks.

"Of course, you can. Come over later if you like." You say grabbing your bag and your mirror.

"We'll call!" Steven shouts after you as you leave. You blow him a kiss over your shoulder and then you're gone. As nervous as you were about it, this is the only outcome you were hoping for when you texted them last night. You can't imagine another way this ended that would have you as happy as you are right now.

***

Taglist: @queerponcho @avengersinitiative2012 @stressed-cherry @animechick555

[brinxxxx]

A Bang Chan FF (content warning 18+!!) (smut)

Whipped for you:

Chapter 4: Little Sub

Y/N POV:

Jesus Christ that was a very close call. What the fuck was I thinking! The man's soon to be married and I'm letting myself slip into a delulu spell. God no. I need to stay focus. I need to plan ahead and....oh god. I need to see him again tonight! God I hope his fiancé isn't pissed.

I go back to my little desk and finish the work I was wanting to but. But every 10 minutes I kept getting message alerts from Mr Bang. Some saying " we have a meeting in 3 hours. Here is the details."

To " ;) see you 2nite :p"

I swear he's a child. I ignore them but every message was giving me flashbacks to his office. The tight bulge in his trousers, the growls and moans, call himself daddy. The whole thing was insane and enchanting. I didn't want it to end but I'm glad it did. Reality is he isn't mine to play with like that it's not fair on him or his soon to be wife. What was I thinking.

Time skiiiip to 3 hours later.

I was about to get ready to go home until I forgot Mr Bang wanted to have a meeting! Oh shit. I run down to corridor and knock lightly at his door. "Come in miss Y/N"

I opened the door thinking other staff would be there but no. Alas. It's just me and him. Again. I had sudden flash backs of our encounter today and I subconsciously squeeze my thighs together. Fuck.

He looks at me up and down "are you going to take a seat or are we standing?"

I bow and sit down. "How can I help Mr Bang?"

"Miss Y/N I've told you. Call me chan. It's just me and you. Relax. You're not in trouble. I just wanted to give you the plan for tonight's dinner. That's all."

I nod and keep quiet trying to forget the images and sounds going around in my head with my legs tightly clutched shut. Trying to suppress the sensation for now. "So I'll pick you up at 8 as agreed we will get to the restaurant with the other boss's including JYP himself is joining us. There's a karaoke bar as well we are attending to so now ducked ie spect you singing and dancing with us. Let your hair down and relax. I've given you the day off tomorrow so let loose. Got that?"

"Yes mr Bang..."

I wanted to test the waters see what he would do if I didn't call him Chan.

"Babygirl. Stop disobeying me. That's not how this works. Now go home and I'll seeyou at 8"

"Yes Mr Bang...see you later"

"You'll be punished if you keep this up miss Y/N!"

I ran out the door as quickly as possible. I got in my car drove off and before I knew it was home. Thank the lord. I run upstairs, undress and run a bath. In the meantime I allow those images flash through my mind, his moans and growling loud and clear. I decided as it's safe in my own home to release the tension that was built up all day.

I grab my vibrator and go to town with it. Get it out as much as I can before seeing him again. I need to contains my urges and fantasies. This is the best way to cope. As I was in the middle of a heated mess my phone goes. I ignore it as it was my work phone. I'm off duty if they need me badly they can call on my own phone.

They did. It was Mr Bang. I take this opportunity to listen to him as a use to get my high.

"H-Hello Mr Bang...?"

"Oh Miss Y/N. When are you eve going to Learn haha. It's Chan. I was just calling to *hears vibrating noises and a slight whimper.*

Miss Y/N am I interrupting something? Are you okay?"

"Oh y-yes. I'm okay. Just watching...TV"

*bath running water echoing in the phone*

"Continue sir"

"Oh, uh...yes erm im calling to ask why you left your belongings in the office? Didn't you need them to go home?" *vibrating noises continue along with small whinpers*

"Oh-h, Sh-shit. I didn't realise I left my bag. Just bring it to the dinner I'll g-geeeet it there. See you at 8!"

I hang up. That was a close call. I stop what I'm doing and gather my things for the bath. I couldn't concentrate to reach mt high but a bath will help with that. As I'm about to enter the bath my door goes. I run down stairs with a towel wrapped round me and open the door to see...Mr Bang.

"Oh! Miss y/n! I was interrupting something. Clearly. Look here's your bag I pass your place on my way home so it just made sense to do it now than later."

God he's so hot. I feel a little vulnerable the fact I only have a towel wrapped around me whil he looks like he could rip it off me just makes me weak ass.

I lightly bite my lip and look him up and down. Again testing the waters. Just for my own fun. Not for him. "It's okay Channie. I'm just going for a long hot bath. Just to relax before a very sociable evening. Thank you for the bag. I would

Offer you to come in but think that would be a step too far in the wrong direction"

He steps closer to me. He lifts my chin up "what's wrong with me coming...in.? May I?"

I'm so whipped for him fuck sake. I let him in and get him seated in the couch. "Let me get dressed and we can chat okay...?"

"Orrrr you can just sit in chat. I don't  miss Y/N"

"Sir. Not being funny but I'm but ass naked. That isn't very professional of me. And just call me y/n if I'm calling you chan"

He leans closer to me. His eyes full of mischief yet they are soft. "We aren't professional babygirl. Don't think I didn't hear you on the phone call or In my office today...you're not very subtle now are you?"

Shit. I look down embarrassed to even look at him now. What do I do. "I'm not sure what you're talking about..."

"I know you do, don't lie to me. I see the way you look at me. Trust me."

He tilts my head up and softly kisses me. He let out a little whimper signalling he wanted me to kiss him back. I can't do that right? He's engaged.

My impulses take over and I grab him closer kissing him back a little rougher than he intended. I lie back on the couch with him ontop of me. He breaks out kiss "god your so beautiful Y/N. You've got me trapped"

"Channie. I need to get ready"

"I can help you if you want..."

*Chan's phone rings*

"Hey babe are you still at work?"

I kept quiet. Sunshade of guilt started to form in my pit. I can't do this with him. It's selfish. He's in a relationship and I'm n the middle

Of it all. "I'll see you soon okay bye bye"

"Chan you should go. I'll see you tonight. I think it's best we don't do this. You have a fiancé. That ain't fair on her. Please leave. I'll see you at 8."

"It's okay Y/N it's not what you th..."

"Mr Bang. Please."

He got up and left. I don't know why I just started balling my eyes out. I think back and decide if I can't have him the maybe I can show him what's he'll be missing. Can still have fun and tease him whilst I can...right?

[dazaiandhislovelybandages]

I just dicovered your blog and god, I'm amazed by your writing😩❤. So here's my request, mycroft x sick!wife. She got asthma attack late at night while he hadn't been home yet, when he arrive he found her could barely breath called a doctor and sit by her side comforting her. That's it. It's ok if u can't do it I understand! (Might request over and over again cuz i love u :) <3 )

Worried Sick {Mycroft Holmes}

Pairing: Mycroft Holmes x sick! wife! fem! reader

Warnings: mentions of asthma attacks

A/n: honestly I hope you like it, I wrote this as soon as I woke up so yeah. Also you can request as much as you like I don't mind haha. Btw I know shit about asthma so if I have made any sort of mistake, DM me and I'll fix it

It was around 11 pm when it all began. The inhaler the doctors had given you had reached its limit. You hadn't bothered much since you were already planning on going to the doctor tomorrow for your monthly check up so you would ask your doctor to prescribe you a new one. Plus, your asthma attacks weren't frequent.

Logic said you would be fine without one until tomorrow but logic apparently was wrong on that one.

You and Mycroft had been married for about a year now and the house you shared was not big and housed only three servants who were conveniently enough asleep when your asthma attack hit you.

You started coughing violently, unable to breath and though it had taken exactly one minute for Mycroft to ran up the stairs and get to you, to you it had looked like ages.

Along with Mycroft, who had just returned home from a more than exhausting day at work, your maid also burged in the room and was immediately ordered by your husband to get the doctor next door (let's talk about privilege later).

No more than five minutes later, the doctor arrived with an inhaler and all his things, ready to examine you. Right after stopping your asthma attack, you fainted.

“I don't know what happened, I just got back from work.” Mycroft said when the doctor asked him.

The latter had just finished examining your now sleeping body and was packing his things to leave while Mycroft's worried and angered gaze was driving him insane. Your husband knew exactly how much effect he had on the poor man just by sitting at a chair next to your bed, his legs crossed and his fingers carefully yet gracefully playing with his wedding ring.

He had almost given up on smoking as soon as he met you so it is needless to say that no one was permitted to smoke in the space you were in.

“Listen here, doctor, I don't care if it's possible or not but cure her.”

“Mr Holmes there are two possibilities-”

“Don't care.” Your husband cut the doctors sentence short. “If it's not possible then provide her with more inhalers. If something like that ever happens again I'll simply put the blame on you and I am more than sure that you don't want that.”

The old man quickly shook his head in response and left the room after telling your husband that he would hand him his report on it tomorrow.

“You are scaring people.” You rolled your eyes and made a move to sit on the bed but Mycroft stopped you almost immediately.

“I am sorry.” He kissed your temple and went ahead to start getting ready for bed. You silently watched him doing his night routine, wearing his silk pyjamas and brushing his hair.

“No you're not.” You told him as soon as he got under the covers.

“That's right, I'm not, I expect them to treat you like how I treat you goddammit. And I will not pursue this issue any further because my heart is still trying to calm down.”

You didn't have the time to respond. Mycroft had already wrapped his hands around you and most probably had already fallen asleep, knowing that you were now safe in his arms.

[ilyasorokinn]

if you can, a blurb of samuel ersson <3 (free to do what u want, i would just like to read smth you've written for him)

BIRTHDAY SURPRISE

whoever sent this in, i love you <3 i still love him even if he didn't take my bracelet lmao

you felt lightheaded as you pulled the balloon away from your mouth and tied it off, "how many are left?" your friend asked from the other end of the couch, tying off her own balloon.

"well, we've got 10 here right now, the ones we blew up makes 12, so only 21 more to go." she fell back on the couch and groaned.

"we're gonna pass out before we get this done." she looked over at you, "they could have done this at party city, ya know?"

"yeah, i'm realzing that now." you sighed.

"you know what? i'll go tomorrow for you and get them done, just so we can stop blowing them up before we die."

"really?"

"really. that's how much i love sam." she patted you on the back, "21 more balloons, 11 orange, 10 black, and 2 3s."

"i love you." you sighed, setting down your balloon and leaning back, "i miss sam."

she groaned, "you'll see him tomorrow."

"i know, but that's so far away."

"get over it." she tossed a pillow in your direction, which you caught and then promptly threw back at her.

the next day after work, you got home to find all the balloons already in your apartment. you shot your friend a quick text then set them up in the way you thought looked nice.

you set up the birthday banner and hung it up, then brought the cake out of the fridge and set it up, centering it with all the gifts you got for sam around it. you then ordered sam's favorite food and waited for him to get home.

a few hours later, you had dug into the food already, but you heard the lock turn and your head whipped over just in time to see sam coming through the door.

"your home!" you jumped off the couch and ran over to greet him. he smiled, catching you when you jumped into his arms, "happy birthday."

"thank you, love." he hummed, running a soothing hand up and down your back, "i missed you."

"i missed you, too." you pulled away and looked at him, brushing a stray piece of hair out of his face, "i got you some stuff."

"what kind of stuff?" he asked, setting you down on the ground. you grabbed his hand and led him into the kitchen where he finally caught a glimpse of the banner and all 33 balloons hanging up, "whoa." he let out a chuckle.

"happy birthday, sammy." you kissed his cheek.

"thank you." he hummed, wrapping an arm around your shoulders. you took the cake out and pressed a candle into it, lighting it for him.

you smiled as you sang to him, enjoying the bashful look on his face. he blew it out with a smile on his face when you cheered for him. once the cake was cut into, you watched him open his gifts.

"just some small things because i got you one big thing but it hasn't arrived yet."

"y/n..." he sighed.

"stop, you literally got me concert tickets, so one big thing is acceptable." you playfully glared at him, watching him open the gift. he smiled and profusely thanked you when he opened each gift, a simple pair of cufflinks with his initals, a new hoodie that he had been eying for a while, and a few gag gifts. a shirt with your face on it and a pin that read 'i <3 my gf!' that he immediately put on his backpack.

"open the envelope," you told him, pushing it towards him. he opened it with a raised brow and a confused look. he opened it and read what it said before looking up at you with wideeyes.

"are you serious?" he asked.

"yeah, trips planned for off-season." you smiled with a nod, a smile on your face at the excitement on his, "we're going to sweden!" you cheered.

"oh, my god!" he jumped up and picked you up, spinning you around. you laughed, wrapping your arms around him tighter, "this is insane!"

"you've been talking abot going home, and i know we didn't get to go to sweden this summer, so we're going next year. i planned the whole thing with your family already."

"i love you." he placed a sweet kiss to your forehead as you hugged you tight.

"i love you, too." you hummed happily.

requests are open!

[bardofavon]

Okay I hear you that Kaz hasn’t seemed the most rational lately and that the Darkling is doing a great job of making him seem insane but consider that I need someone to help him 😭 like Nikolai may hate him and Genya, Inej and Jesper may not know what to think but I still need my guy to get some help even if he’s seemingly taking to himself in the abyss

okay TO BE FAIR

"hasn't seemed the most rational lately" is a a slight understatement

nikolai doesn't hate him! he just doesn't trust him as far as he can throw him and he can throw pretty far. nikolai might circle back to disliking him more when he finds out kaz is still repeatedly fucking him over but his opinion of Kaz right now is like...he mostly just feels really sorry for him? but he knows Kaz doesn't want sympathy to the extent that he's been pretending he's worse than he is to avoid receiving any so he's certainly not going to show Kaz he pities him. he's keeping up the "we're bitchy to each other" banter but he does have genuine concern for this unhinged man fucking around on his boat.

jesper got the fuck out of that conversation because he felt like KAZ needed space, the Darkling doesn't know Kaz's friends half as much as he thinks he does if he thinks Kaz reacting like that to Jesper offering him the chance to open up is going to stop Jesper from offering again. he's trying hard to help Kaz and he'll be back again tomorrow with the same "hey if you still want to talk" spiel. he's a fighter.

kaz has been seeing the darkling for less than a week <3 <3 this has all happened very quickly. so it's not even really that people are like "we don't care/notice/want to help Kaz" it's more like "we don't know where to START helping Kaz"

unfortunately for kaz, making a plan involving him without him to save him from himself actually worked the first time so his friends have learned the power of "help him whether he wants us to or not and if he's angry we'll deal with the consequences later"

i'd like to clarify i'm making no promises that things are going to get better for him any time soon or that he's going to get the help that he needs, just that people are TRYING behind the scenes at least lol.

[zanyana626]

Thoughts on Helluva Boss Oops episode! 😈🤡

Everything’s tagged as #hb spoilers until tomorrow for those who haven't seen it yet!

Not a cuckoo c**k for a clock!

Wakey-wakey Ozzie (not a morning person apparently)! *airhorns*

"Burger time! Burger time! Burger Time!" Ok, Fizz is starting to become my new favorite character! Also, why he pronouncing vibrators like that???

Greed Ring having a city named Ransom? Yep, that sounds about right for the ring.

I FUCKING KNEW HE CALLS HIM BIG DADDY!!! AND "Fizzie-frog"?!?!?! Too cute, <3.

And look at them big ol' eyes, I definitely couldn't say no to that face:

"We're so NOT in love!" "Yeah! Love. Is. STUPID!!!" Denial's not just a river in Egypt, you two!!!

"I'll be SUPER low-key!" ... Riiiiight.

The Queives (plural for Queefs, according to the subtitles). And the little disabled one??? VIV, WE WANT NAMES FOR THE LIL GUYS ASAP!!!

Enter Blitzø, who's complaining about some shitty coffee place!

"Well, at least I'm still actually working for my shit & not getting everything handed to me like some pampered attention wh**e!" VS "Plus, my horns were always bigger than yours... weren't they?"

Crimson & Striker teamup! Guess Blitzø & Fizz are gonna have to put their beef aside and work together to get away from them!

Ozzie & the Dildo Factory

So asking for an asmodean crystal was real! Poor Stolas being conflicted about how he feels towards Blitzy.

And Ozzie respecting people's hookup intentions and having the idea of lust as a consensual thing? Glad to know he's not like Valentino, who as far as we know, monetizes sex & treats his workers like shit/his property.

"My partner-um BUSINESS partner" Yep, keep telling yourself that Ozzie, at least you and Stolas are in the same boat for that!

Jeez Crim, what's your problem with Ozzie???

More Blitzø VS Fizz drama

Also Blitzø, Stolas does seem to care, he just has a tough time trying to say it to your face and plus, you're no better by bottling up your true feelings for him & then push him away like whatever!

Fizz, I love you now, but also envy you for having Striker grab you by the neck like that!

"I SAID WATCH 'EM, NOT F**K 'EM!!!" Typical Crimson

Damn, Ozzie could've signed over Fizz's head to be one of Crimson's wall trophies if Stolas wasn't there to help him out!

Nope nevermind, that wasn't the real contract! Also, why does Crimson want more dildos after failing to convice Moxxie that they're around the house for "his liking"??? I'm guessing he's trying to recuperate the funds he lost after Millie murdered all his goons & trashed his place!

Happy owl noises:  "I love words!" He's such a dork, I'm living for it! <3

Blitzø always having something up his sleeves when it comes to escape plans!

FINALLY, FLASHBACK/ANSWERS ON THEIR FALLING OUT!!! No wonder why Fizz & Barbie hate Blitzø's guts & Blitzø acts the way he does.

He's very much aware that he screwed up big time even if it was an accident and never meant to almost kill his bestie, traumatize his sister, & HIS MOM!!!

I'm guessing Cash was the one who tried splitting them up. He went as far as to give Fizz a birthday card that literally says "I wish you were my son"!!!

"WE'RE TRYING TO HAVE A F**KING EMOTIONAL MOMENT HERE!"

Using Blitzø as a human/imp? shield does kinda serve him right in a way

"Kaiju C**k". Yep Fizz, we're very much aware that Ozzie's a big boy

"Look At This" has been stuck in my head since listening it for the first time. Perfect distraction musical that makes no sense other than just being a distraction musical!

"So, f**king, BYE BYE!!!" 🎶

Damn, cowboy daddy's starting to go insane in the brain! He's most likely gonna have burned scars now the next time (yep, he got away again) we see him!

You can take Blitzø out of the circus, but you can't take the circus out of Blitzø!

THE BOIS HUGGED IT OUT!!!! Hope this means they're on more neutral terms now! I get that it might take Fizz a while to fully forgive & start over with Blitzø now that they're aware of the whole misunderstanding on both their ends, but still, it's a start!!!

"Woooould it f**k up the moment if we made out now?" Blitzø please, we're aware you had a (love) note for Fizz before the incident, but he's clearly happily taken by one of the 7 sins!

Fizzmodeus/Fizzarozzie reunited & it feels so good! <3

At least they're trying to be more open about their relationship, even if it's limited to their coworkers/entourage at the moment!

Welp, looks like Stolas is getting that crystal after all!

I'd say this is the best episode so far out of Season 2, Fizz & Ozzie were totally worth the wait and have now become part of my top 5 characters of the show!!!

[windfighter]

Promises for tomorrow

Was thinking about what kind of new years resolutions the Frontier-crew would make but came to no conclusion at all. So instead I wrote this thing which takes place in 2013, when Izumi, Takuya and Junpei have moved to Italy and Kouichi and Kouji are visiting for the holidays :3 (Tomoki doesn't get to visit because I'm lazy)

(Time is a social construct and as a fanwriter I can bend it to my will)

------

New year was only hours away. Takuya, Kouji, Junpei, Izumi and Kouichi were gathered for a party, Takuya foregoing his usual shenanigans out on the town to celebrate with his partner and his friends. A few too many drinks had already been had, but the food was good and the drinks expensive and for one night everything was as it should be.

”Anyone doing new year’s resolutions?” Takuya asked.

Poured himself another drink. Kouji held his glass harder, swirled the whiskey around. Junpei grinned.

”I’m going to sing at La Scala”, he said. ”I haven’t figured out how yet, but I’m going to do it!”

”I would like to go BASE jumping at Angel Falls, but it’s a whole process”, Izumi said. ”I’ve applied to a culinary school though, so my new year’s resolution is going to be focus on my studies.”

”Never figured you for a cook”, Takuya laughed.

”Because you never have time to come over for dinner”, Izumi answered with a laugh and gave him a shove. ”Stop by tomorrow, bring Kouji. I’ll make you the best food you’ve ever tried!”

Kouji leaned against the armrest of the couch. Takuya glanced at him, unsure what he was thinking about. His eyes were locked on something at the wall.

”I also need to step it up with the studies”, Kouichi said, ”but as new year’s resolution I’m just going to eat as many of Izumi’s meals as I can.”

”You’d be able to eat more if you moved over here already", Izumi said.

Wrapped an arm around Kouichi’s shoulders and kissed his cheek. Takuya put his own arm over Kouji’s shoulders to do the same, but Kouji was stiff and he didn’t.

”How about you?” Junpei asked. ”What does the famous Takuya plan for the new year?”

”Obviously I’m going to win the world cup”, Takuya grinned. ”Also, try lobsters.”

”Turning into a real rich boy”, Izumi said.

Shook her head, but laughed. Takuya smiled as well, took a sip from his drink. Squeezed Kouji’s shoulder.

”How about you? New year’s resolutions?”

Kouji blinked. Looked at Takuya and then the whiskey.

”Might go to Mali. They’ve been fighting for their independence for a year, maybe I could help.”

Everyone looked at him. The carefree feel of the room disappeared.

”What?” Takuya asked.

Kouji blinked again.

”What what?”

”New year’s resolutions are supposed to be fun”, Takuya said.

”Oh… OH! I thought you said revolutions. Yeah, sorry, my bad.”

Takuya laughed, pulled Kouji closer and kissed his temple.

”I love you. You’re an idiot and I love you.”

”Takuya is morosexual”, Izumi giggled.

”Takuya is everysexual”, Junpei corrected.

Takuya didn’t protest, just nudged Kouji again.

”Alright then. Any actual resolutions?”

”I don’t like making plans”, Kouji said. ”They never work out. I guess I could promise to take Izumi to the Angel Falls.”

”I’d love that”, Izumi said. ”But you don’t need to go out of your way for me.”

”It’d be fun to see anyway”, Kouji said. ”Lots of things I could take pictures of over there. Maybe I’ll even jump with you.”

”The two of you are insane”, Junpei laughed. ”As long as I don’t have to jump.”

The carefree feeling filled the room again and Takuya leaned against the back of the couch, relaxed. He just needed to find away to keep Kouji from joining any revolutions.

[awsugar]

as a fellow 28 year old still living with her mom, i feel the struggle, my mom goes into my room whenever i leave and moves things around (idk) i'm so sorry you gotta deal w/your dad doing shit like that you, it's fucked up and not okay and i hope you can move into a better situation soon <3

im so sorry. he doesnt do it all the time but he does go in my room sometimes and specifically what happened this time was last week on thursday i had a bug infestation in my room and i had to take everything out. great opportunity to clean my wreck of a bedroom. i got rid of a ton of stuff and organized some things that had needed to be organized for ages. i had a ton of clothes on my floor though and they all need to go through the wash because there were ants and i dont think they were in my clothes like all over or anything because the clothes is not what they were attracted to but like im not putting any of that shit back into my room until i KNOW there are no bugs. so i did a few loads of wash but then i wasnt home at all all weekend, i was at work the rest of the days, and now i have two days off in a row. but basically i wasnt home in order to finish putting everything away that came out of my room. an ongoing problem i have at my dads house is that my bedroom is fucking SMALL and all of my stuff doesnt fit in it even though i want it to. so sometimes there are laundry baskets or other things that are out in the hallway/dining room (we live in a one floor condo). i do have a habit of not taking care of my stuff and letting things sit for a really long time. however, last week on thursday the things that my dad was like really fed up with i took care of. i had a package from my mom and a box of stuff from my bathroom that had been sitting in the dining room for months and i finally took care of it. so the stuff he was tired of looking at wasnt there anymore. i just had a few storage bins that came out of my room on thursday that were in the hallway and i planned on taking care of all that stuff today/tomorrow on my days off. but i came home yesterday and my dad told me that he had gone through both of my storage containers, decided what i needed and what i didnt need, threw away one of the containers, put a bunch of my stuff in a different storage bin that he wants to take to the basement, and then started like interrogating me on whether i needed a few books and a snow globe from my childhood that he had found. and i immediately got sooooo fucking angry!!!!!! because its not his place to go through my shit! and i told him as such i and told him how mad i was and that that wasnt his job and i didnt want him going through my things and we also had this argument again today and he is so fucking stubborn that its not clicking for some reason that im fgoing to be 29 in may (and i am desperate to move out and will be one way or another this year) and i dont deserve to have my dad violate my privacy and belongings by going through them and deciding what HE thinks that i need. and for me yes it is way worse that it is my dad doing this than it would be if it were my mom even though i would still dislike it. and he just says that based on the past that he knew i wasnt going to take care of those things and they woudl just sit there. but the fact is that it was my plan to finish taking care of it all on these two days off and he didnt even give me a WARNING. he didnt say like 'you have two days to take care of this stuff or i am going to do it myself' he just told me that he went through my shit when i got home from work because he assumed that i wouldnt. and no matter how many times i try to tell him how fucked up that is especially because i am a grown adult. he wont listen. and we just start yelling again. and its driving me fucking insane like. this has been the final straw with me living with him even though its been ruining my life since i had to move in here in 2020. sorry for the wall of text but i had to get it off my chest like ugh. i hate this. i wish i could move sooner. and im so so sorry you have to deal with similar shit. and thank you if anyone actually read all this lmfao

[the-firebird69]

The max are being asked this question today did you hand them for trillion ships or 5 trillion big difference and they're saying no we plan to have better weaponry so did you hand them a planet with huge diamonds I said no. So did you have him fight to shake it loose the arguing and arguing then they said this is to get thorium so the match started exploding saying we did not do this on purpose. And they're screaming at the morlock for them to shut up and they don't seem tomorrow and they're telling them they did not hand him anything and they're going through it and you're trying to figure out what happened and the max are upset and they're saying this is a huge fleet and we don't know what happened to it and they're actually mad and you guys are stopping around arrogant as hell and it looks like you have nothing so they're going at it and they're fighting each other. And they're nuts both side of the same these weird weird things but it hashes out to we don't want to die and we can't give them that kind of stuff and you're insane for suggesting it it seems like his planned took the stuff and they want him to think that it's his people and they're testing their power level and Max says that sounds more accurate and they're going over what's been happening at things like that and where the match have gone and they haven't really done anything fantastic so that's what's happening right now

-the idiots here are stuck to our son and won't leave they are realizing something's very wrong and they don't know what to do. They're evacuating Florida it wasn't about 18% 3% got up this morning and start to try and get ready and they're moving out shortly and say it and they don't like what's happening and in about 1 hour they're going to be leaving we have words that more I'm going to leave after but we're starting to push in and it will make that happen we don't need these people who have the acumen of five year old children getting this angry we have real problems. That fleet they disappear one way or the other and people are pressuring your son and I'll send this thing I don't really know what happened to it so I told the idiots maybe they should get LoJack or higher kojak so they're mad about and don't know either they went on like this for a while and now it's back and he told Robert Duvall blessed will and Bill I don't know they won't talk so he decided to get it out of them and he's looking for it they found some of it without sunset is accurate our son said is accurate and truthful he thinks his brother took it. So they want the fleet back and some reason he's saying in pieces and then he gets why and the max was starting to understand it so that's rolling forwards. They're starting to work on the economy in other words

Thor Freya

Olympus

We need stuff and tons of stuff and we were wrong we can't make it all down there if we do they're just going to come after us it's a bad situation but it's absolutely true so I don't know how you do both at the same time it's except for by being there and then you proceed to try and take stuff like we used to instead of working like these cowards and trying to do nothing when are you going to face an army this massive and we don't have the numbers and the way it is nobody has a parallel

Robert Duvall

We did notice that we're having a little bit of a problem with some people and you're doing this s*** to us stalking us driving around us saying dumb s*** and you don't know what happened and we're in a lot of trouble and you're at each other like it's the best thing to do and we can't stand you because we just have an attacker and it's ours he says yeah it's that easy too I'll meet you at the diner in Jacksonville and we've got the ships that they took there and that's it okay he's right this is some easier s*** than we're making it into

He knows my name and he says it all the time and I'm in the tenant bombs and I play lex luthor and one Superman is saying something like Bob and it's not James caan who is probably trying to nose in which makes it easier and boy it is a pain

We have to stop telling people what we're doing but we didn't know about this fleet we thought it was destroyed it's kind of hurt some we need stuff we can have them make stuff and take stuff we don't have enough stuff down there believe it or not we're using it up and we have to have a presence here there's no real reason to and getting the military places is giving us a problem but for real we need to have an economy and stuff are these people just going to go berserk and they are they're just going to evacuate

James caan again

I can't believe it we're blocking a name and it's really what we need to do we're not the ones doing it to see Tommy f do it and he's ridiculous he's a b**** he acts like a girl we do it too I'm kind of getting sick of it

Trump

We're going to have that factories we need stuff and we can't make it there for some reason and we can't get the stuff not really sure why not all of us can get it it's got to get going now you say they're working on it we know they are

William Dafoe

We have a lot of stuff that we're doing but the factories are back up to about 730%. That's pretty high. And we are witnessing more and more factories coming up and and turning on probably another 70% by tomorrow afternoon and we're reaching out small comfort level but we really need a lot more there was a drop in the economy that occurred before covid I dropped like half though the population is less it's more people who are consumers in use things in a concerned and like to work and then I work for a while and they don't care they want to get back to work we haven't planned and initializing it and to start work on a lot of projects drive by with rocks that they break and leave all over the place and that's all they're doing all day long and it's really annoying and everything that's taken they just keep doing it and it's absurd but. Now we are going to help here on the several things are going to take place and we're talking to everybody about it because there's so many damn problems we are going to fit these guys with trackers for real because they're criminals if they take them off they go to prison and we're going to keep doing it well we can't get away with that but we're going to do something similar. There's a war going on and we have a lot of stuff to talk about we're going to publish and we're going to be right back and we do appreciate the max spoke because there's a lot of confusion

Thor Freya

Olympus

[fenimores-book-nook]

Day 13 of self care writing :)

December 11th, 2023, Monday 6:27 pm In my living room under a cozy blanket :)

Good evening, but not too late this time! Also, it's crazy to me that soon I won't be putting "2023" on these posts anymore. It's gonna be 2024 in like three weeks...that's insane. Being in December already makes it feel like this year has gone by really fast but looking back, I think I felt the opposite. It did feel crazy that I graduated from high school when I did in May and yeah, it felt super quick, but I think in those moments, I didn't feel that way. I guess it's just the weird way that time feels.

Christmas tree in my church's lobby area that I just really liked the vibe of with the sun pouring inside. :)

This past weekend has been pretty good, I think. Apart from kinda ahckjjds feelings, I think it was good. Today was a pretty good day too! It was my relaxing Monday but I wanted to be productive too. So I did some things around the house and finished up some Christmas gifts for friends! I'm big on homemade gifts, so for my close friend group, we're doing secret santa but I wanted to give a lil' something to all of them anyways, so I made these silly little hearts for them all.

Plus one for myself 'cause who wouldn't want a matching stuffed heart with a silly face on it with your friends? And for my secret santa, I have almost all the things I need for them, I'm planning on getting two more little things at my work tomorrow and then we'll be good! We're getting together this weekend and I'm very excited! I always love hanging out with my friendos. Some days it's literally all I need to be around them, and my mood goes from one to ten. <3

Staying on the topic of friends, I just performed in a community choir with some of them! Our concert was last night and I'm not going to lie, I was wanting to get it over and done with but I actually really did love being in it. It 100% helped that some of my old high school friends did it with me, including my close friends. Just look how snazzy we looked:

It was a lot of fun! :) There were for sure some parts during the practices where I really just wanted to go home; it's a community choir with a lot of people not in my age group and I think it was just harder to connect with people like I did in my high school choir. But I am glad that I got to do it with my friends and my old choir teacher AND my old band teacher. It was sort of a reunion!

And now, just because I have a need that I have to talk about books in every single post...I'm going strong in Iron Flame!! I think I finally got past the draggy beginning parts and I have, maybe 100-150ish pages to go? So, super close! (maybe I'm farther than that but oh well) It's crazy and amazing. Along with that, I've been re-reading the Heartstopper series because one: they're a comfort series for me and I love them with all my heart, and two: the fifth book is coming out soon and I thought it was a good time to have the past books events fresh in my mind! I've pre-ordered the fifth book and it says it should be delivering to me the day before I leave for Canada to visit family. Let's just hope it's right because I NEED TO READ THAT BOOK. And it would be awful if it got delivered and it just sat outside my house just waiting for me to come and open those new book smelling pages for a week. So, anyways. Love that series.

~ Self care writingsssss ~

(questions found on pinterest, of course)

What inspired me today? The fact that my friend group and I are meeting at the end of the week for our Christmas hang out and I still need to get gifts together, so I did some creating! Also, me wanting to be more *CreATivE* so I just went for it. (wrapping gifts is actually quite fun but I am not the best at it) (I also feel like I am not a creative enough person when in reality I am a very creative person and I just need to remember that)

Where am I putting my energy? I feel like this is kind of a hard question to answer simply because I'm not sure. I think maybe I could be putting more of my energy into some things but that's not the question. A lot of my energy goes towards my love for books, I think. And trying to think of ways to create art that I love and that I enjoy doing. Also, to my friends too, I think sometimes I focus too much of my energy on that, though, and it becomes something not good for me. But hey, it's something I'm working on and that's what matters!

Three highlights of my day. One, finishing up the last of my friends' gifts! At least, for this weekend. ;) Two, putting my own lil' silly stuffed heart I made as a tree topper for my baby Christmas tree. It looks so freaking cute. :3 Three, texting one of my besties that I missed her and we just chatted for a bit. <3

Someone I'm grateful for. My kitty cat, Delilah. :)) She can be a bit of a turd sometimes, like today how she knocked down one of my books on display and I couldn't get it back to how it was. But it's okayyyy. I love her and she always sits with me and gives me comfort. <3

One thing I did today that I'm proud of. Creating. I lack motivation for creating art a lot but I think maybe it's partly because I'm afraid that what I make, no one else will appreciate it like I do. But that doesn't really matter, does it? It's how I feel when I make it. So, I did some of that unique type of creating that I do today and I loved it. :)

This is an accurate representation of how happy I feel when I look at my books. :))))

Until next time lovely,

Thalia <3

[dzpenumbra]

7/23/23

Another low-key didn't-really-do-much day. I did a little outlining on my grip tape, but not a ton. My paint brushes are really old. Like... super old. And... I never really took very good care of them, to be honest. I have a favorite brush that has served me really well for detail work, but it's all frayed from over a decade of acrylic buildup in the base. I tried to clean it up a bit, but it didn't work that well.

So... I was left trying to decide whether to commit to doing detail line work in black with a brush that... rarely did what I wanted it to do. It definitely added a new level of challenge. I'm hoping I can get my sleep schedule adjusted a bit more so I can take a trip out to Michael's and get a few new brushes. I just... don't want to take a dedicated trip exclusively for that. I'd like to go to that place nearby that has trails and the rock beach as well, make a whole day out of it. It's just hard to get that all to work when I start my days so late.

I slept in again. I'm really glad to finally be getting such good sleep, it's so insanely overdue. I don't know if it's because I'm cutting back on caffeine... but I've been sleeping a ton the past few days. It kinda sucks because I'm very low energy the rest of the day... and I don't really have much daylight to work with... but it's so important after the 2 week stretch there where I was getting ridiculously little sleep. That shit took a big toll on me that I'm still recovering from.

So yeah, that's... honestly pretty much it. I made more granola, it actually was a nice golden brown color this time, I'll try it in the morning. I have a grocery delivery scheduled for tomorrow. I ordered some stuff off Amazon that I've been putting off for a while. And... that's about it.

I'm definitely... craving social interaction. More substance in life. I love the quiet and the lack of distractions that my current life provides me, but man... I'd really love to just go hiking with someone and talk. I miss that a lot. Just take a day and go climb a mountain, and sit at the top and just shoot the shit.

I'm realizing very clearly how much utility my car offered me. And... it's hard to not be deeply upset with the people who took it away from me. I've been entertaining the idea of getting a motorcycle or something, if for nothing more than it being cheaper and more gas efficient... But I'm worried about winter storage... well... just winter in general, I guess. I don't know, I haven't really thought about this much. I was just sorta going off the thought... having a car would change my life in a pretty radical way. Being able to drive to trails and hiking spots.

I don't know. I have access to this community car thing. I mean, I'm paying for it... I have a yearly subscription to the service. But the last time I got that car and went on that like... 3 hour hike... it cost me $50. And $50 is a lot of money in my brain. Maybe I'm just detached from the current prices of things, because I spend money so rarely and pretty much only on essentials like groceries. I mean, getting dinner delivered for one person was like... $50. I guess it's not that much. Maybe I'm just still stuck in pre-inflation price mentality. Kinda like part of me still thinks a pack of Marb 27's should cost around $5.50/pack? And honestly, I couldn't even guess at their current price... probably over $10. It's just... it's a number just big enough for me to hesitate before going on a trip - like driving to that occult shop the next neighborhood over, or driving to the trails. Big enough to thwart impulse plans, and impulse plans have been my most successful plans so far, because I can get the ball rolling with them before my anxiety gets a chance to creatively dismantle them.

Anyway, I'm kinda hoping to get to bed before the sun comes up. It's already 4:15 so... I don't know how well that's gonna go... but I'd really like to have more daylight to work with so I can actually have a chance at real-world socializing. So... I'm gonna go do that.

[m-talks-shit]

08/11/22

Strap in, I sense this might be a long one. Let's start from the beginning, waking up at 7am so that my sister could drop me off back home.

Don't make fun of me now, I have a crystal bracelet, it's made out of rose quartz and amethyst, both crystals associated with love and harmony. Last night, my other sister, not the one I was staying with, knows that I have a slight obsession with crystals and all that spiritual crap so she jokingly texted me 'Charge your crystals, it's a full moon.' I pointed out that the full moon was tomorrow (today) but I went ahead and left my bracelet out to bask in the moonlight anyway.

Now I might be going insane, but I think that actually did something. I mean I'm not a religious person but I do believe that the universe has a plan for me. And I might also believe that crystals and horoscopes have a bit of truth to them because how can there be so many coincidences?? It doesn't add up.

Anyway back to the story, I had an appointment in town today and after that I decided to buy some hair bleach because I've been wanting to go back to blonde for a little while after letting my hair rest. (I buzzed my hair off at the end of March because it was so incredibly damaged from constant bleaching and dyeing). Whilst I was buying it, something called me to also buy some pink hair dye. I love pink and my hair has been pink before and it looked great so I thought why not? I paid for everything and then wanted to go get Starbucks but then I realised that since I bought the dye, I didn't even have enough money left for Starbucks. (I am officially broke).

You see if I had gone for the Starbucks, I would've had to take the long way home. Since I didn't go for it, I went through the street I used to work on, the street where I first met my boyfriend. I don't know if I was expecting to see him or not, but I did walk by his friend and we stopped and had a chat. He talked about how he missed me and didn't see me in the shop anymore and I told him that I had quit a while ago and that I've been staying at my sister's house for a few days. We talk a bit more and then he says 'oh look who's across the street.' It was my 'boyfriend' who I hadn't seen or talked to in 2 weeks. I went 'ah that bitch' and his friend says 'no no don't say that, he's like my brother you're like my sister, come to my house to drink tonight.' He's been through a few houses in the 3 months that we've been together. He originally had his own very nice house with a roommate who then kicked him out after police raided the house (Okay, my boyfriend might be into some shady business but who am I to judge, as long as I don't get involved) Then he stayed at his friend's house for a while (the friend I was now talking to) and now he's staying at another friend's house whilst he's looking for his own place. Of course it's not easy to find a place to rent when you get paid in and only use cash, he has no proof of income.

It's lucky that all his friends are so sweet and welcoming. None of them have had a problem with me staying over and I think they actually like me hanging around with them.

Anyway moving on, he notices us but he doesn't come over to talk to me because he's clearly busy making deals with someone. His friend does go over to him whilst I start making my way home again, occasionally looking back at him to see that he's looking at me, smiling and blowing kisses in my direction. After a few minutes he calls me and we talk a bit, I tell him basically the same things I told his friend and that I'd see him tonight.

Before I could get around to that though, I needed to help my friend with his film project. This plan kind of all went to shit. We went to a random field because he wanted some shots of the main character running through it. The original plan was to have a fog machine, which he did in fact have, to create a mist effect. However, we were in the middle of a field and the fog machine had to be plugged in. This is where his generator would come in handy, if he had one. See he thought it was a generator, for some reason, but turns out it was just a tranformer. If you don't know the difference, a generator generates electricity, a transformer changes the voltage/current. We needed the transformer anyway because the fog machine could only withstand about 100 volts whereas the UK mains supply has a voltage of 230. The issue was that we couldn't do anything without a generator, since of course, we were in the middle of a field.

We did end up filming some shots but they will probably have to be retaken anyway. So basically we wasted about an hour in the freezing cold because he failed to actually mention we would be in a field! There was one good thing that came out of it though, before his mum dropped us all off home she took us to, wait for it, Starbucks. (and she paid!). There it is folks, the universe working in my favour. The universe rewarded me with what I really wanted after I listened to my intuition and followed my heart to buy that damn hair dye. The universe wanted me to do that so that I could walk through the street my boyfriend was on so that I could make plans to see him so that I could make the realisation that I might've been villainising him and he's not as toxic as I imagine him to be he's just incredibly insecure and really bad at communicating so all his insecurity comes out as anger, but on the inside he's actually incredibly sweet and tender and caring.

Alright, let me backtrack. After I got home I showered and got ready to see him. He picked me up and then we went for a quick trip to asda, and I mean quick because we accidentally came 10 minutes before closing time. We got to his place and then we cleaned it up a bit together because god his friends left it a mess. It's really wholesome doing things like that together, it's like we're a married couple. I don't need to ask to do anything, I put all the groceries away and washed the dishes and turned the washing machine on. Even though I don't live there, it feels homey.

Basically all we do is drink, smoke, talk and have sex. I like it. It's intimate. Sometimes I wish we did more, I wish we didn't just see each other at night but he's busy, he works a lot. I understand that. Today he made me realise something. He was genuinely hurt when he was telling me about how the day I was meant to see him I blew him off and then didn't text or call him for like 3 or 4 days, basically until I felt like seeing him again. I always had a feeling in the back of my mind that he was just using me for sex, but it might have been me using him all this time. Seeing how he felt when he said it to me actually broke my heart, I felt awful. I didn't realise how much it affected him, I always act so selfishly and then victimise myself. I'm the problem.

Well I'm not the entire problem, he did angrily say that I'm getting fat and that he didn't like it. He's not wrong, I have been gaining weight but I've been trying to work on it so it did hurt when he said it.

I don't have the best memory of the night. We drank a full bottle of vodka together. At around 1am we went from the living room into his room. I'll spare the details but we did have sex and it was intense. We took a shower together after. Well, I started taking a shower where I kept slipping and falling whilst he was throwing up in the toilet next to me and then he joined me after that. He gave me his robe to wear, we went back into his room and I'm not sure when but I ended up falling asleep. I woke up at 4am to find him finally crawling into bed with me. We had sex again which was pretty great and then we fell asleep together. He loves to cuddle. It's a bit suffocating because he's so warm so I always end up a bit sweaty and have to stick half my body outside of the blanket. I bear through it though, for him. It's the most intimacy I've had with anyone before.

I don't want to say that I love him. It's been 3 months and even though I tend to fall for people very hard and very quick, I don't want to call it love. I'm infatuated, definitely. I'm borderline obsessed. I don't know what it is about him that is so intoxicating, no matter how much I despise him I always go back. I can't stop thinking about him and I'm always wondering what he's doing. I'm constantly seeking him out, when I know I'm going to walk through the street he works on I try to make sure I go through it at a time I know he will be there just so that I can see him, even from afar. I sound insane. I probably am.

[mali121216]

Sunday 19th June @ 0155h

Tonight was so hard Ali. For the first time since we met, I'm in Melbourne for a reason that's not you...

To get to the city we drove down Williamstown Road, the road that leads to home, the road I would always get slightly disappointed about seeing because it meant we were right around the block from home, so I'd have to stop holding your hand on my leg, or stop snuggling my head into your arm, it meant that we would no longer be alone side my side in the safe and private little bubble that was your car. Fuck did I take those moments for granted. I mean the disappointment was there, but I knew once we went inside I could still come distract you while you were gaming, or you'd eventually come upstairs and cuddle up to me in the bed... the disappointment was always only ever fleeting. But now, fuck Ali, now I'd give anything for more of those simple but tender moments driving home in your car.

It was so hard driving by so many all too familiar places, places I had come to call home over the past 5 years, places that held so many memories of you and I together. Everyone else in the car with me was so oblivious to the anguish these seemingly trivial things were causing me.

As the night went on it only got harder, not only was everyone in the group coupled, but we were also at a bingo rave, it was so exactly like the one you and I went to together, we were so happy that night, we laughed and sang and danced, a night to remember from yet another event I'd happened to stumble across and organized for us.

My mind kept switching between replaying bittersweet memories of us, and thinking of how much I want to tell you about all the funny or wild moments of the night. I still yearn for you to be the one person I tell everything to. I miss being each others' human diaries.

The more we ventured around the city after bingo, the more I found you everywhere I looked. This entire state is stained with the image of you and our love. It hurt so bad I wanted to cry. I contemplated getting in an uber and just showing up at your house. I know I'd have to call you to not seem like a psycho, but honestly the temptation to just show up and let myself in to your room was insane. If it weren't for the fact that that would make me seem psycho I would have done it.

I know that house like the back of my hand. I know the code to the key lockbox on the fence by the bins is your and Serkan's birthdates, I know how to get through the door without letting it make a sound, I know what spot of the floor on the landing at the top of the stairs makes the squeaky noise, I could find my way into bed beside you even if I were completely blind... your room... our room... the mattress we bought together...

I'm so scared that you're lying about having shifts this weekend. That the truth is you never had work today, you just didn't want to pick me up from the airport, and you don't really have work tomorrow, you just don't want to see me. The idea of that kills me. I keep questioning whether or not I should ask annè for coffee in the morning, I would love to see her, but also, I wish I could know the definitive truth.

I can't imagine how I'd be if the truth were that you're avoiding me, and you're infact dating someone else, Hollie maybe... fuck why could she not have another name. You used to call me by my full name all the time. You would smile that beautiful playful smile and call me out by saying "Madison Holly"... but now it feels wrong.

If I do see you tomorrow I hope I hold it together. I want to stay cool and collected, give the illusion that I'm doing great... I mean its half the truth, I'm in my owm house, I'm finally finished with uni, I have 3 jobs, I've got a pretty bustling social life, I'm planning a Europe trip, I'm eating and looking healthier... even Nat who hadn't seen me in a long while before tonight and the first thing she said was how good I looked having lost the relationship comfort weight.

I want you to see me and be surprised and impressed and jealous. I want to be everything you want but can non longer have. But who am I fucking kidding, I would explode into a panic attack heap if you were to so much as tell me you miss me.

I'M IN LOVE WITH YOU ALI. I'VE NEVER STOPPED. I WISH I COULD. BUT YOU'RE MY PERSON.