#this is my official pride month post bc found family | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

2-bdamned · 3 years

Text

in regards to the aoex pride post i made last month, here are my personal headcanons as to why i think those are their sexuality’s! ( also thank you to @johnannepeterric for asking about this as i’ve been waiting to share these for a hot minute!!)

rin:

sexuality + gender identity:gay and trans(ftm)

reason: i don’t think he exactly cares for the concept of gender and sexuality but just thinks people should be allowed to like and be whoever they want. he knew he was in the wrong body since he was a little kid but never knew how to phrase it till later on in life. as for on screen reasons, he tends to cover up quite a bit before and after becoming a demon as well as tending to wear baggy clothes to hid his form. not to mention he has very poor posture which most transmasc people (myself included) tend to do when we can’t bind or don’t feel masculine enough. and i think he’s gay mostly due to the fact that he’s never really shown to have any friendships outside of the exwires and tends to get his platonic and romantic affections mixed up quite a bit (as to explain why i still headcanon this after the manga and his confirmed feelings towards shiemi)

yukio:

sexuality: bisexual

reasoning: he seems to show and equal amount of emotions to his colleagues and to the exwires and im like 90% sure he doesn’t really talk about romantic through the manga/anime at all. i think he’s always known he’s liked both genders since he was young. shiro seems like he was very accepting and i honestly think he would’ve helped both the boys with their sexuality’s and gender since he didn’t get the freedom to express that stuff when he was younger due to you know ‼️‼️(SPOILERS) ‼️‼️ literally being a clone made in a lab. yukio seems the type to not really care about gender when it comes to romance and instead look for traits like personality and motivations. his friendships are most based on him genuinely liking the person rather than keeping up with his appearance as someone who’s quite popular. this could possibly lead to the same being transferred over to his romantic bonds.

shiemi:

sexuality: lesbian

reason: like rin, she tends to get romantic and platonic affection mixed up from not having friends till high school. there’s a bit in the manga where izumo brings over some romance novels to try and help shiemi out with figuring out her feelings. we all know most romance novels don’t exactly have the best explanation for feeling so i think that’s where shiemi got mixed up. she gets her admiration for rin mixed up with romantic feelings when in reality, she’s not into him. we can also use the garden scene from kyoto arc as some reasoning to this headcanon. izumo called shiemi a weed and she surprisingly takes this “insult” very well and even thanks izumo for the interaction. even later in kyoto saga, we see shiemi use even more of her power to save izumo from the miasma. she clearly cared a lot about izumo and basically wore herself down to the the brink of exhaustion trying to dave izumo herself when she could have easily run and got help from another exorcist. sheimi seems to care deeply about her friends but shows more concern to izumo than any other exwire (minus rin and yukio).

shima: ‼️‼️ HIS WHOLE HEADCANON REVOLVES AROUND MANGA SPOILERS SO THATS A HEADS UP‼️‼️

sexuality: gay

since he found out about izumo from the illuminati, he never really had a “crush” on her per say, but showed an unromantic interest in her due to her past and just wanted to know more about her. since he had kinzou around him as a kid, i think that played a huge part in him hiding that he was gay (just bc kinzou is a huge perv and probably pushed some of that onto him). that could also lead to the reasoning as to why he’s so pushy with izumo. he’s trying to convince himself he liked women by trying his hardest to like izumo. the kinzou thing is the only thing really leading to me believing this but an alternative reason could also be a fear of changing his personality this late on when both suguro and koneko have known him to be a certain way since he was young. he’s shown to have this perverted personality since he was quite young and it’s even mentioned in an extra concerning why suguro and koneko use his last name and not his first. these two factors lead me to believe his attraction to izumo and subsequently, his attraction to women, is just a lie he’s putting on.

koneko:

sexuality + gender identity: pansexual and genderfluid

reason: koneko is shown to have a deep love and care for the people around him and i think that not only applies to him with friendship, but with romance as well. like yukio, he tends not to focus on the gender of the person perusing him, but rather their intention, personally, and motivations. he wants to know if his partner is a good person rather than their gender. gender wise, i just don’t think he cares. it’s not explicitly shown but it can be heavily implied when he talks to rin about why he has a hard time trusting him after the “son of satan “ reveil happens. for gender identity, i think i as a kid, he was commonly referred to by most pronouns since he wasn’t exactly the most “boy looking” when he was young. later on he learned he didn’t exactly mind what gender people perceived him as but rather how they perceived him as a person. there’s no canon information for the genderfluid headcanon but again, these are my personal headcanon, they don’t exactly have to make sense.

suguro:

sexuality + gender identity: gay and trans (ftm)

reason: this one is mostly me projecting onto this man so if it doesn’t exactly make sense, y’all know why! but he’s shown to be quite affectionate to rin in both the manga and the anime. he doesn’t really tend to do that too much to other people, especially the women that are around him. he probably has some sort of crush on rin or at least some form of admiration to him. as for his gender identity, this is literally just me projecting. that’s it. but i think he does show some signs that i tend to show as a trans person ( the one example i can name off the top of my head is that he seems pretty insecure when shima and koneko brought up his body before he started working out and hates mentions of his body in general ). like rin, he tends to have very poor posture and also doesn’t wear form fitting clothes and this is especially prominent in official art.

izumo:

sexuality: lesbian

reason: she has a very deep relationship with paku and shiemi after the events of the manga take place. she never shows this same connection with any one else throughout the series. she gets severely worried once paku leave cram school and is shown to be quite empty after this happens. ‼️‼️SPOILERS‼️‼️ the same thing happens once shiemi leaves cram school as well and is taken by her family to go train. she seems to be deeply affected by these two events and even goes as far as to show the others her concerns after the thing with shiemi happens. after she ‼️SPOILERS‼️ gets kidnapped by the illuminati and winds up the the hospital, shimei is the first person she lets see her true emotions and feelings and doesn’t once make a comment on her being some kind of hindrance. we also see her show quite a bit of empathy towards shiemi when in kyoto. there’s a scene where they two are gardening and she calls shiemi a weed. she’s very much plays into a tsudere type roll in the beginning but this seems more like a backhanded compliment rather than trying to be a jerk to her. both of the girls receive this interaction in a positive way. we also can use the scene where shiemi saves izumo as a reason for this as well. izumo shows a genuine concern for shiemi both during and after her being stuck in the miasma. even when they go to the hot springs, she seems to have this perpetual blush while looking at shiemi. these all lead me to think she has some sort of feelings toward both paku and shiemi, leading me to headcanon her as a lesbian.

shura:

sexuality: lesbian

she was basically born just so she could produce a child to fuel some demons deep desires. her unhealthy attachment to shiro can be explained by this. i think this is the case for all the “attraction” she showed towards him as a young girl. all her life she’s been told she has to have kids with a man and that’s was her purpose for a long time. thus why i think she’s a lesbian. she never shows any real attraction to a man throughout the entire series besides the man who saved her as a child. she never talks about men till after her character arc in the manga and even then, it seems she just wants to live the rest of her life differently than before and doesn’t exactly seem too enthusiastic about finding a husband as it’s never mentioned again after that point. she really only seems to show an “attraction” to men when it’s useful to her. she uses her looks and charm to get what she wants when it comes to men. she has this facade she puts on where she acts innocent and cute and uses her looks to her advantage. she never truly shows an actual attraction to a man.

mephisto:

sexuality + gender identity: gay and genderfluid

reason: i don’t think any of the demon kings are cis. like not even remotely. they all have to take on different forms and have taken on many in the past. as long as it’s a body, they’re basically fine with whatever. mephs past forms are never shown but we can assume he’s taken on many different body’s in the past as well. after all this body hopping and the fact that gender is literally a thing made up by humans, i don’t think meph really cares about the forms he takes and how his gender is perceived. he knows he’s a powerful demon and could easily destroy the knights of the true cross if he wanted too so gender is the last thing he really cares about. as for sexuality, nothing on screen really points to anything but he tends to show more affection to the men on screen than the women. in fact, the only women we see him really interact with (that i can remember) is shura and we all know how they feel about each other. even though those two both “flirt” with one another, these seem to be more so parts of their personality’s rather than them both having an interest in each other. his “flirting” with shura seems to be more taunting her and displaying his absolute discard for human problems.

amaimon:

gender identity: agender

reason: just like meph, amimon had possessed(?) many different forms over the course of their existence. we even see him take on a rather feminine presenting form when they were destroying the earth. but unlike meph, he is less fluid in terms of gender and instead, prefers to not identify with one. she does use all pronouns and doesn’t exactly care on that front but i think there’s certain terms and compliments they don’t exactly like. meph does use gendered terms with amimon, but these two seem to be very close and have probably communicated this before as well. like koneko being genderfluid, there’s no definitive evidence to support this claim other than these are my own headcanons and i can do what i want.

50 notes · View notes

antiquecompass · 5 years

Text

Untamed Fest Day 2: Dynamic

Summary: Wherein Sizhui has a best friend and a crush and parents who care, perhaps, maybe, just a little too much.

(So, like I said yesterday these fics are going to bounce around the ages of 11-18 for the Juniors. In this one Sizhui is 14. It’s also pre-Sizhui/Jingyi. Don’t worry, nothing will get above Teen in this entire series, and only then bc I, and therefore characters I write, curse like a sailor.)

When it came to personality, at least inside the confines of Lan Academy, Lan Sizhui had taken after his Papa. He projected an aura of quiet leadership and confidence; fair in judgment, but willing to mete out and take punishments. Even at fourteen, he was already one of the leaders on the Student Council; the youngest Vice President in a decade. Sizhui had entered the Academy at the age of eleven, determined to prove any doubters wrong, and had done so quietly and efficiently, just like a Lan should.

Lan Jingyi did not lead quietly, though he was still a leader among their class. Lan Jingyi had the type of dynamic personality that drew others in, fluttering around him like butterflies, but he ignored most of them to keep the company of his two best friends. He was loud, opinionated, and always willing to make his feelings known. He wasn’t the way many thought a Lan should be, but he was very much a Lan, through and through, just willing to openly show the more stubborn parts of their personality that people forgot they had under their veneer of genteel manners.

It was often said that together, Lan Sizhui and Lan Jingyi truly made the perfect Lan. A balance of the best, and worst, traits. Sizhui was calm and quiet, Jingyi excitable and loud, but where Sizhui often had self-doubts, Jingyi had enough pride and confidence for the both of them. They’d grown up as a pair, rarely apart, settling into their roles and friendship with an enviable and familiar ease. So many years together, being so known to each other, they were a hard pair to defeat in anything--be it something as simple as a classroom debate or something more serious as an actual fight to defend someone’s honor. Since they were always found in each other’s company, they’d become the pride of the family and the Academy.

Sizhui was proud to be the one-half of such a whole.

Sizhui also had a problem.

He knew he had a crush on Jingyi. It’d been there for years. Apparently he’d told his fathers at the ripe old age of five that he was going to marry Jingyi one day, and while it’d been a story retold often at family gatherings for laughs...well, Sizhui may not have truly meant it at five, but at fourteen, it was definitely a future he wanted.

And somehow he knew that wasn’t normal.

He knew it was normal, for him, to have a crush. His fathers had taken great pains to inform him about different sexual and gender identities and forms of attraction and the like as soon as he showed the first hints of a boyhood crush. So he knew a crush, especially on attractive, kind, funny, caring Jingyi wasn’t unusual. They’d been best friends since they were four. There was no one else his age Sizhui trusted more than Jingyi.

But Sizhui was worried that he’d passed the crush stage long ago and had been firmly planted in something that he was hesitant to call love, because he was only fourteen, but knew that clearly picturing a future with Jingyi that saw them married and raising some kids of their own as the most natural course of their relationship probably meant something significant.

He knew most Lans fell hard, fell once, and fell in love for life. But Sizhui was a Lan in name only.

Perhaps Nurture had won this round versus Nature.

He still needed to talk to someone before he embarrassingly blurted out his love for Jingyi straight to his face, probably when the other was devouring a basket of chicken wings. That would be Sizhui’s luck. He’d probably make poor Jingyi choke. And then he’d have to give him the Heimlich or something, and Jingyi would probably spit out his chicken bone right into Great Uncle Lan’s face, and then Sizhui would have to go find a grave plot to bury himself in after he died from the collective embarrrassment.

So, yeah, he needed to talk to someone.

**********

Dad’s office occupied the single turret tower of their massive house. He jokingly called it his gargoyle hoard, and often sang songs from Disney’s take on The Hunchback of Notre Dame as he climbed the stairs to the tower. Or he called for Papa with, ‘Lan Zhan, Lan Zhan, let down your hair’ which never made much sense to Sizhui since Dad was the one in the tower, but they all indulged Dad’s whims and humor.

From the outside the tower looked imposing in its stone and dark shingled roof, but inside it was full of vibrant color. All of his books were here, crammed on an overstuffed bookshelf, containing every edition of every book he’d published in every language available, a handmade wooden sign hung above it declaring, A Leap of Faith. Art of his various characters hung on the wall, some official that he’d commissioned, some of his own making, but most sent by fans from around the world in the barrels of mail that came to the house each week.

It was a cluttered mess of genius that perfectly encapsulated his dad.

Today Dad was behind his desk, hair pulled up into a messy bun, with fingers covered in paint as he worked out some new character designs for his latest story. He was slowly moving from elementary reading level books to Young Adult, but his new series would straddle that border of Young Adult and New Adult--that vague spot where the characters weren’t young teens, nor in their mid-20s, but still had their own stories to tell. It was a story he’d been wanting to tell for years, based largely on his own life, but set in a mystical and magical modern world.

His papa was unceremoniously sprawled out on the battered couch that had followed his fathers from their apartment in Cambridge, to their home in Boston, to this massive estate in the Berkshires. Sizhui smiled to himself as he pictured his classmates faces if they ever saw the great Hanguang-Jun with such imperfect posture, wearing only worn sweatpants and a t-shirt older than Sizhui. His hair was also pulled up into a messy bun, a red pen clutched in his teeth as he read through the most recent edit of Dad’s new book.

Sizhui smiled as he watched them. His parents had always been so full of warmth and love--for him, for each other, for all their family--that Sizhui knew he’d been spoiled in care and affection. And he wanted that, the connection that they had. He knew it wasn’t effortless, every relationship took work and dedication and effort, but they made it seem so very easy.

“Sizhui, why do you linger?” Papa asked, eyes barely leaving the bound pages in his hands.

“Because he is a good boy who waits until he’s invited in, even though he knows he never has to,” Dad said, waving him inside. “What can we do for our favorite son?”

“Your only son, since you never did give me that sibling I asked for,” Sizhui teased.

Dad smirked. “Not for lack of trying,” he said.

“Wei Ying,” Papa admonished from the couch.

Dad patted the chair next to his desk. “Come. Sit. Speak. Bond. I feel like we never talk anymore.”

“We had an entire family conference just last night,” Sizhui said as he took his seat.

Dad frowned. “But that was school stuff. I want gossip, Sizhui. I want the deets. I want the 411. Give me the dirt. Spill the tea. Or the beans.” He looked to Papa. “What else do the kids say these days?”

“None of what just passed your lips,” Papa said.

Dad frowned. “So mean, Lan Zhan.” His pout became more pronounced as he turned to Sizhui. “See how he treats me? Betrayed by my very own heart and soul.”

Sizhui shook his head at them, but grasped on to the opening. “So, about that.”

He didn’t know what he expected to happen but Dad actually gasped and Papa sat up so fast he nearly tumbled off the couch.

“Is it happening?” Dad asked. “Did it happen?” He pulled out his leather planner, full of post-it notes, napkins, and various other bits and bobs. “I had you two down for at least another month from now, but your Papa insisted it would be before Halloween.”

“What?” Sizhui asked as he looked back and forth between his parents.

“Sizhui,” Papa said as he walked over to the desk. “Did Lan Jingyi not ask you out on a date?”

“What?” Sizhui asked. He felt the blood rush to his face, in his ears, blocking out all other sounds. “What?” he repeated.

Dad grimaced. “Whoops. I think we broke him. Bad parenting penalty.”

“No--I---what?” Sizhui asked again. “I just wanted to know how you, like, know if you like someone more than a friend and you’re running a bet on my dating life? With my best friend?”

“To be fair, your Uncle Huaisang runs a bet on everything,” Dad said.

“Wei Ying,” Papa cautioned.

“Fine,” Dad said, pushing his planner to the side. He sat forward and grasped Sizhui hands. “Sizhui, if you’re asking us this question, do you not already know the answer?”

Sizhui nodded. “But, how can you be sure?”

“In your own heart, what do you feel?” Papa asked. He knelt to meet Sizhui’s downcast gaze. “You don’t have to tell us, or even him, but you’ll feel so much more relief if you acknowledge your own truth.” His smile was small as he patted Sizhui’s knees. “It was the only way I was able to manage all the years when your dad still didn’t know his own feelings.”

“It must’ve been torture,” Sizhui said.

Papa smiled and met Dad’s eyes. “It wasn’t so bad, in the end. But you and Jingyi are different. You don’t have the restrictions on you that Uncle put on me and your Uncle Xichen. You don’t have the physical distance between you. If you want to, you can start dating now. If you feel like you’re ready.”

Sizhui tried not to hunch his shoulders and make himself smaller, but the uncertainty ate at him. “But what if I ruin our friendship? I don’t think--I couldn’t take him hating me.”

“Oh, Sizhui,” Dad said as he clambered over the desk and hugged him. “Jingyi could never hate you. I know you know him better than that, but if you want more, well…”

“Leap of faith?” Sizhui asked.

Both his fathers nodded.

If the Lan-Wei family had its own motto, Leap of Faith, would be it. If they had their own crest, it would be a rabbit surrounded by the words, Daring, Determination, Devotion, and Honesty. His fathers had raised him with those values, and Sizhui did his best to own them, and now, he knew, he could either rely on them or try to patiently wait until Jingyi came to him.

If at school the dynamic of Sizhui and Jingyi made the perfect Lan, at home, Sizhui was very much the best, and worst, of both of his fathers.

“Oh, I know that look,” Dad said as he kissed the top of Sizhui’s head. “Poor Jingyi isn’t going to know what hit him.” Sizhui could feel his wide grin against his hair. “It’s going to be awesome.”

Part 2

#untamedfest #fandom: the untamed #long post #verse: lahl #fic: tales from lan academy #the untamed #my ridic writing #day 2

21 notes · View notes

afewmarvelousthoughts · 6 years

Text

Truth Pt. 11

Truth Master List

Request:

What’s up sug! sorry you’re struggling right now but I’ve come to help you If you could bring this to light for me I’d absolutely love for YOU TO DO JT So basically Bucky X Enhanced reader who are fuckin enemies. Hate each other to every last fiber of their beings bc Bucky is rude and she calls him out on it. AnywHs, they get drunk, truth or dare (go crZy baby) and LOTS LF dirty talk if u wanna do smut but if u don’t then buck taking care of her while she’s drunk cause she admitted her feelings

Pairing: Bucky X Reader (Enhanced)

Summary: Since The Avengers gave you a home the only blight has been Bucky Barnes, a ghost from your past that you can’t seem to shake. It makes you hate him. The feeling, it seems, is mutual. But… a simple game reveals that maybe things aren’t quite so simple. (Post Winter Soldier AU)

Warnings: Feels, mentions of addiction, violence

A/N: HELLO MY DARLING PRECIOUS PATIENT PUMPKINS! Did you miss these two? I know I did. This starts off domestic and then veers into like two-three completely different territories. It’s a ride that’s for sure.

I hope y’all like it!

Tags are open!

@midnightdream83 @mywinterwolf @disagreetoagree @breezy1415 @peachthatdrinkslemonade @wonderlandmind4 @piensa-bonito @handplucked @buckysstar @sam-jae @marauderconvos –harder @for-the-love-of-the-fandom @meg-asaur @jewelofwinter @fairislesheets @animegirlgeeky @lydklein1 @katecolleen @siriuslycloudy2 @zannemes

He stills your hands with his. Your eyes meet his, tears sneaking down your cheeks. He wipes them away.

“You keep your memories displayed… I shove mine in a box under my bed…”

When you had pulled all of this out you were on the verge of completely melting down. Days without sleep, hardly eating, seeing that woman’s face over and over again, the flashbacks… You wanted to remember what you were before you became a monster.

It only served to remind you of everything you lost. That’s when you’d gone to the gym when Bucky found you… You’d forgotten your misguided attempt to keep yourself together until there it was spread on your unmade bed.

There wasn’t much. Your family hadn’t been big on photos, just a few posed pictures, school photos, some holidays. But you loved photos… A grotesque amount of polaroids of your friends… people whose names you forgot or who were possibly long gone… at shows, parties, on the street. Glazed eyes, leather jackets, cigarettes hanging between smudged lips are spread out.

Maybe the names alluded you for some but you could smell the sweat, the smoke, the whiskey. Faded flyers from underground shows at Safari Club and other D.C. and East Coast punk venues add pops of color to the mix. A few misbegotten AA coins peak out to remind you of wasted time.

You pick one up as he looks over at a photo of 15-year-old you standing stiffly between your parents in front of a Christmas tree. Your expression annoyed, kohl heavily lining your eyes, hair bleached within an inch of its life and huge.

“Is this you?!” A smile curls his lips and you almost laugh.

“Yeah, don’t judge me too much… it was the 80’s.” You flip the coin in the air and catch it. “Probably the last Christmas I spent sober.”

His brow knits and you sigh. “Hi, my name is Y/N, I’m a cocaine addict… and an alcoholic... and… you get the gist.” You toss the coin at him. He looks it over. “Nine months… as long as I ever got.” Picking up the photo of you and your parents you feel your chest tighten.

“She wanted me to be perfect. Her pride. Pushed me to be the best at everything. I was a nationally ranked athlete, excelled in everything from cross-country to martial arts, incredible at any art she threw at me, damn near a genius, graduated high school at 15, got into every Ivy League school…”

Setting it aside you pick up a photo of you and someone who’s name you do remember, Dana, your first girlfriend. “I was even excellent at being a drug addict, never OD’d, high tolerance… Others weren’t so lucky.” You toss the photo aside, not wanting to linger.

Bucky takes your hand, lacing his fingers through your own. “Who kept these for you? Family?”

“I don’t have any family.”

“But… anyone? I mean… you’re so young?”

You snort, “Is 47 young?” Jesus, you were almost 50… such a strange thought.

“Well,” he laughs a small empty sound, “in comparison.”

You nod conceding. “My Mom… she lost her family in the war… in the camps,” you can’t look at Bucky. “Dad was an only child. Fury kept them tucked away in a storage locker at S.H.I.E.L.D. after…”

He nods, “He knew your father didn’t he?”

“Yeah, they worked together…” You release his hand and push through photos to find your favorite of you and your Dad. It was from that nine-month stint of sobriety, he’d been so happy that you’d been doing well that on your 20th birthday he took you to Paris. His smile was so bright… your hand trembles a bit.

“You look happy here,” Bucky rests his cool left hand on your bouncing knee as he looks at you and your Dad, posed in typical cheesy tourist fashion in front of the Eiffel Tower.

“I was… we were…” Your voice cracks. “I never knew what he did… just thought he was some low-level diplomat, never questioned it… I don’t even know that Mom knew…”

“Was she here?”

“God no,” your eyes slide shut for a moment, remembering. “She was hardly speaking to me… I was a disappointment.”

“She didn’t…”

“Tell me that? Oh yes.” You hold up a hand as he opens his mouth, “I don’t know that she was wrong. I… I did everything I could to be the opposite of what she wanted me to be. I doused her American Dream in gasoline and set it on fire…”

“Still you’re not-”

You shrug, “Doesn’t matter. I… never got to prove otherwise.” Your eyes scan your memories, hazy and painful as most of them were.

“They killed her, ya know? Hydra…”

He gives your knee a gentle squeeze, “I assumed.”

“After my last go at rehab… I really thought… I was going to be better, I wanted to be better. Go to school, live my life, make her proud. They took that away… left her bloody on the kitchen floor.” Your skin tingles, energy pulsing through you.

“I… what about your Dad?” The look on his face is pained like he doesn’t want to ask but feels like he must.

“He killed himself.” You shake your head, “At least that’s what the official report says. “Makes sense though… wife dead, daughter missing, all because you were getting a little too close.” Glancing over at his smiling face a tear slides down your cheek, “Who could blame him?”

A small sob trips over your lips and Bucky pulls you into him. Surprising yourself still, you allow him to comfort you and allow yourself to feel this… to mourn them even a little.

Ever since being here you had tried to bury the guilt and the grief. Thinking about the void they left in you, the years you wasted, the final image of her… dead for days collapsed by the back door… It was too much. You couldn’t help but think that maybe if you’d been there, instead of in rehab, you could have saved her… even though you knew the ending would have been the same.

After a bit your sobs quiet. He’s leaned against the headboard, you’re curled into his arms, the steady beat of his heart soothing. When you look up at him his eyes are so soft, warm despite the cool color. The feeling of his fingers gently grazing your skin as he pushes stray strands of hair from your face sends shivers through you.

“Sorry…”

He smiles, “For what? Having feelings?” You shrug a little. “Well if you want to make it up to me,” he reaches across the bed a bit and grabs a picture of you sporting a particularly heinous head of Aquanet enforced hair looking like some combo of Cindy Lauper and a Clash groupie, “explain this.”

You can’t help but laugh and agree to explain your questionable fashion choices.

The rest of the day is spent intermittently cleaning your apartment and telling Bucky what you remember of who you once were. The good, the bad, and the ugly. He listens and most importantly doesn’t judge.

When you put on some music from your own youth he's not too pleased. It was safe to say that bands such as Bad Religion and Misfits were maybe not his speed. However, he’s much more in tune with Led Zeppelin, The Rolling Stones, and surprisingly The Runaways.

“I’d say you’ll pass inspection,” Bucky says as he puts your mop in the closet.

“Definitely.” You look around and feel oddly sad. His place really was so much warmer than yours. It felt like someone actually lived there, rather than just existing.

“What’s wrong?” Your face must be showing your disdain.

“Nothing,” you flash him a smile. “So… got any dinner plans?”

The smile that lights up his face takes your breath away, “None.” He grabs your waist and pulls you close to kiss you.

“How about I cook? Your place?”

“You cook?”

“I mean, I’m no Julia Child but I can promise it will be better than those packaged meals in your fridge.”

He laughs, “I’ll take your word for it.” You grab some things from your own kitchen and a change of clothes, which he doesn’t even question before you both head down to his place.

Five days later Bucky watches you slip into a pair of leggings as he sips his coffee.

“Are you sure you can’t even have some coffee?”

You roll your eyes, “I’m sure, 12 hours fasting for the tests.”

“You don’t have-” You cut him off with a glare. “Fine. But if you decide you want me there-”

“I’ll call. I promise.” You toss on a tee and a cardigan.

He looks away, chewing on his bottom lip. “Hey,” you pluck the coffee from his hands and set it on the nightstand, “I’ll be ok, Buck.” Cupping his face in your hands you place a kiss on his lips. He can feel his heart stutter just a touch, he wonders if it will ever go away. You release him and he buries his face in your chest, breathing in your now familiar scent.

When he lifts his head your smile makes his breath catch. “I’ll be back in a few hours.” Your soft lips press against his forehead. All he can do is nod.

As soon as the door closes he feels himself wilt a bit, anxiety rising with each passing moment. He wants to believe you but he knows they could accidentally trigger something in you. Be it a memory or a reaction with your power, either could have horrible consequences.

After almost an hour of running worst case scenarios, he can’t stay here anymore. He tosses on some gym clothes and texts Steve to see if he’s free to train. Bucky’s already to the gym when he gets a response of ‘No, sorry pal.’

Sighing he turns around and heads to the shooting range. Clint is already there, experimenting with some new arrows Tony whipped up for him. While Bucky usually prefers to be here alone, he doesn’t necessarily mind Clint. He’s a fellow sniper after all and doesn’t ever seem to want to force Bucky into conversations he’d rather not have.

The two men shoot in silence for a little more than an hour before Clint pipes up. “So, you and Y/N seem to have taken a turn for the better.” He’s taken up the spot next to Bucky under the pretense of changing his angle.

“What of it?” He may like Clint but the thought of sharing details of his private life isn’t high on his to-do list.

“Nothing. I think it’s great.”

“Yeah, you and Romanoff seemed to have an opinion the other day.” Bucky’s tone is gruff remembering Clint’s quip about her owing him.

He laughs, “Just a good-natured bet. I saw the chemistry between you two.” Bucky doesn’t respond. Some mix of anger and embarrassment blooming in his chest.

“Look, man,” Clint has stepped out of his booth and is leaning on the wall between them, “people like us should take any chance at love we can and run with it. It’s rare enough for civilians and most of them don’t spend their free time getting shot at.”

The tone in his voice drips with sincerity and Bucky can’t help but look back at him, the glare quickly melting off his face. “Who said anything about love?”

Clint shakes his head smiling, “You’ll be one lucky bastard if it ends up being that Barnes. Even if it doesn’t, friends are worth a whole hell of a lot too.” He claps a hand on Bucky’s metal shoulder, “As soldiers, it’s sometimes hard to allow ourselves to be happy. You deserve it. Promise.” Bucky says nothing for a minute and Clint nods, walking away.

“Thank you,” Bucky’s tone is low, sort of unsure. He does mean it though…

“You got-”

“Sargent Barnes and Agent Barton, you’re both needed in Mr. Stark’s lab immediately.” Jarvis’ voice cuts Clint off and Bucky feels the blood drain from his face. The two men hold one another’s gaze for a fraction of a second, a flood of emotion and information being exchanged in that one fleeting moment, before sprinting to the elevator.

When they burst out of the elevator they’re met by Steve and Natasha. Everything seems fine, nothing is on fire or blown to bits so that has to be a good sign. Still, as soon as he’s got eyes on you nothing could keep him back.

You’re sitting in a chair, wires stuck to you all over leading to a computer, tendrils of white light pulsing beneath your skin. “Y/N?!”

“Hey! I’m fine,” his hands are lightly grazing your body where the wires touch you, eyes frantically searching your own for any signs of distress. “Really, Bucky, I’m fine.”

You do seem ok. He wishes he was. His heart is thundering, muscles tense, ready and willing to do whatever he needed to keep you safe. Taking a shaky breath he rests his forehead on yours, trying to calm himself.

“Sorry if we scared you, Manchurian.” Tony quips from beside the computer as he pops a baby carrot in his mouth. Bucky shoots daggers at him.

“They were able to get a lock on the specific energy signature I emit pretty quick and scan for it. We found a match.” His eyes shoot back to you, unsure if you’re glad they found something or not.

“Well,” Bruce pipes up from another monitor, “near enough anyway. Too close to her unique signature to be a coincidence.”

“Another base?” Natasha asks from behind Bucky, who’s still kneeling in front of you, unable to move away.

“That’s what we were hoping you and Clint could clear up for us,” Tony flicks some images up so everyone can see the area they narrowed the signal down to.

Your eyes dart between the two and Bucky finally looks back. The map shows a spot just outside of Cleveland. Yet another nondescript building, nothing that says den of torture about it at all. Clint and Natasha exchange a look.

“Yeah,” she holds a finger to her lips for a minute thinking. “We may have something on this, didn’t seem like much so it’s low on the list.”

“Well, it’s top priority now.” Bucky doesn’t like the tone in Steve’s voice. It’s the one he gets when he’s going to do whatever bullheaded thing he has in mind no matter the consequences.

He sees you nod in his peripheral. “When’s the soonest we can head out?”

Bucky’s glare shoots back to you. “Absolutely not!”

You raise an eyebrow at him. “Excuse me?”

“You’re not doing this.” His tone is just as stubborn as Steve’s, if not a bit more so.

You scoff, “Oh? I’m not?”

“No. You are not.”

“I hate to break it to you but you don’t get to tell me what I am and am not going to do, Bucky.” Your eyes darken just a touch as the air around you dips just a touch toward cool.

“After last time you really think this is a good idea, Y/N?!”

“No. But I’m the only one who can properly handle these assets if they attack. I’m the only one who understands even a little how this energy functions. I’m the only one-”

He can’t believe this. “So you’re just gonna throw yourself back into that?! After what almost… after… Y/N you’re being-”

“I’m doing what needs to be done. I cannot in good consciousness allow this to pass unchecked. Too many people are at risk if-”

“This isn’t a negotiation!” He bellows. “You’re my-”

“I don’t give a damn what I am to you or you to me.” It feels like you punched him in the chest. “You don’t give me orders, Barnes.”

When you look away from him to Natasha the dismissal is clear. “There’s some good surveillance footage of the area from local businesses security and traffic cams. Should be enough to establish patterns. After last time we know trying to scan is a lost cause.”

Bucky feels his rage prickle under his skin. You don’t look back to him when you’re done. Huffing he stands and stalks to the elevator, unable to be a part of this ill-begotten plan a moment longer.

“You know he’s coming right?” Natasha’s tone is light but she knows her words are heavy.

“Yeah.” You clip the stabilizer cuffs Tony made for you onto your belt. They were just a prototype and only to be used if you felt like you were about to lose it but they still felt strangely comforting to have. Nothing like the comfort you’d felt with Bucky… who you hadn’t seen in three days.

“Assuming you still haven’t spoken to him?”

“Not much to say.” You don’t want to have this conversation now.

“That’s bullshit.” She slips her Widow’s Bites on.

You shrug, “No. You heard how he spoke to me. In front of everyone. Like I was a fucking child like he could just say no and I’d say yessir.”

“He’s from a different time, Y/N.”

“I don’t give a fuck. It’s not 1945.” You slam your gear locker closed. “Plus, not like he’s spoken to me either.”

You barely catch a glimpse of him before he gets on the jet. Grinding your teeth you hang back for just a second.

“Need me to whoop his ass,” Sam says from behind you.

“That is not a fight I’d care to see.” You sigh, “But no. Just think we got ahead of ourselves is all.”

“Well,” he slings an arm over your shoulder, “you’ve still got me, kid.”

You laugh, “You do remember that I’m older than you right?”

“Psh, age is just a number. I got one of them old souls”

As usual Sam’s ridiculousness puts a smile on your face and by the time the two of you are boarding the jet you’re cackling. That all fades the moment you feel Bucky’s stare. Steeling yourself for the uncomfortable mission ahead you keep your eyes averted and your mind on the prize.

Things have gone smoothly for the most part. Some minor scuffles, every computer has been beyond destroyed, and no files that tell you a goddamn thing to be found but less than an hour into the mission and it seems this will be in and out. You’re not even sensing any of the telltale energy like you did last time.

You’ve all spread out a bit to try and wrap this up quickly since it all appears quiet. The area you’ve chosen is just about clear, or so you think. There’s the slightest whoosh in the air before you feel a blade nestle itself in your back.

“Fuck!” You scream as you stagger in pain and surprise. Just barely you can hear Bucky’s voice call out in the com as a foot crashes into your jaw.

It takes you a second but you get your bearings and land a blow to the asset’s abdomen. “I’m good!” No need for anyone to run to your aid when you don’t need it.

You focus a thin sliver of energy in your right hand and shoot it toward them like a tiny spear. They dodge and for a moment you think nothing of it, spinning despite the throbbing in your back from the knife wound, determined to take them out. A groan rings both in your com and from behind you followed by a thud.

Somehow you know before you even turn who’s going to be on the ground. You feel yourself somehow grow cold while also pulsing with energy, dread and rage and heartbreak crashing into you all at once. The asset forgotten, you rush to Bucky’s crumpled form on the floor.

“What the hell?!” His eyes are squeezed shut, teeth grinding in pain as he grasps the wound in his side, red sliding over his fingers.

“Heard you,” he grunts through clenched teeth. You can’t even feel the knife in your back at the moment.

“I said I was good!” You force his hands away and he groans. It’s bad, not as bad as it could be but still…

“Behind-” He doesn’t finish his statement. The asset grabs the knife and twists.

You scream, pain surging for an instant before it’s replaced with something else entirely. Thick cords of energy curl around you, pulsing in time with your suddenly steady heartbeat. There’s nothing in your mind for this moment, not even Bucky. One goal. Eliminate the target.

Pulling away the knife rips out of your back. It should feel like something. It’s just a tingle. Whirling you grab the asset by the neck. You could make this much faster than you do but… Pinning them against the wall you let your power trail down their body from your hold on their neck. They make a noise somewhere between a scream and a gurgle as superheated energy burns its way through them. It only takes a minute.

Once their eyes go dark you hurl them to the side. The sound of bones cracking. It’s then you come back to yourself, the monster sated. Bucky.

“Bucky is down. West sector cleared, I’m taking him up.”

“No, I-”

“Shut up,” you growl as you lift him.

Sam is stitching up Bucky when Nat and Steve declare the facility cleared. Nothing of value gained. They know you’re all looking for them, that’s clear enough by how quickly they abandoned this place.

The ride back is quiet. Sam takes care of the wound on your back and you can’t take your eyes off Bucky’s side. You could have killed him. If you had…

As soon as the door opens you’re bolting out. You think you’re going to run to your apartment but instead, you go to the range. Even so, all you manage to do is pace in the space anxiety thrumming through you, yet you’re unable to bring yourself to let loose the energy that almost killed him…

Before your brain knows what’s happening you’re riding the elevator up to not your apartment but Bucky’s. You know he’s in medical but he’s not hurt badly enough to stay there more than an hour or so. Pacing the hall, you wait.

The elevator doors slide open when you’re at the end of the corridor. Two voices, Steve’s and Bucky’s. You freeze.

“I’m good, promise,” you hear Bucky say.

“Alright. Call me if you need anything.” The doors slide closed and Steve is gone.

He hasn’t even opened his door before you’re on him. A small surprised noise comes from him as you turn him to face you. Logically you know he’s injured, need to be careful, but…

Your fingers tangle into his hair, pulling him to you. His kiss tastes like sweat and desperation. Tears burn your eyes as his tongue finds its way between your teeth, his arms winding around you, holding tight.

Suddenly you pull away, pushing against his chest. You punch him hard in his left pec. “You fucking idiot!” Your voice cracks.

“Yeah. I am.” A sardonic smile curls his lips. “Just for you though.”

#bucky x reader #bucky barnes #bucky #bucky barnes x reader #the winter soldier

93 notes · View notes

janephillipsblog · 5 years

Text

Happy New Year! 2019 Reflections, 2020 Resolutions

This is the time of year to reflect on everything that has happened in the past year and look forward to the new year and perhaps make some resolutions. We are also entering a new decade, which is something that I have never thought much of in the past. The 2010’s have been interesting and life changing for me that is for sure. Going back even further to the beginning of the millennium, it’s certainly been quite a journey. 1999 was the year that I took up theatre as an adult so 2019 marks the 20th year that I have been doing theatre. It has been quite a ride and the road has been long, winding, and often quite bumpy! Relationships, pets and business ventures have come and gone, whereas other aspects of my life have remained constant or improved.

In 2018, I had made a commitment to myself that whenever I had money to spare I would enroll in classes and workshops for acting or personal development. I got 2019 off to a good start by taking the Essentials of Film and TV class at Company of Rogues starting in January. That month I also volunteered as an usher for the One Yellow Rabbit High Performance Rodeo. My blog post about the festival resulted in a feature on me as a volunteer in the One Yellow Rabbit newsletter. Rehearsals also started that month for Gilbert and Sullivan’s “Princess Ida” with Morpheus Theatre. I also started as a volunteer with the Alberta Animal Rescue Crew Society (AARCS), mostly as a cat caregiver. I volunteer at the animal shelter about 2 to 3 times a month.

I turned 45 years old in February. I also took a stunt combat workshop with Adrian Young Action Services which was fantastic. I also did a story slam workshop one evening which was something a bit different as I had never done any sort of oral storytelling before. I also participated in the Dead Cold Run, a 5K run in South Glenmore Park. I am looking forward to completing the run again in 2020.

In March I joined the Calgary Society of Independent Filmmakers (CSIF). To date, I haven’t done much with my membership other than volunteer one evening, but the intention to do more with it and get involved is there! I took Bruce Horak’s creative workshop, Tendencies, which was fun and I also volunteered as an usher for the Festival of Animated Objects which was very enjoyable. I also participated in the Rogers Insurance Run for L’Arche and ran my first 5-mile race (8K), a new distance record for me. March also was the official end of my relationship with my boyfriend of the past 4 years.

Gilbert and Sullivan’s “Princess Ida” with Morpheus Theatre opened in April and ran until May for a total of 14 performances. I participated in the Onesie Run in Prince’s Island Park and also started seeing my current boyfriend during this month.

In May, “Princess Ida” finished its run. I started getting regular IATSE 212 stage call work. The film industry was getting busy so permittees such as myself were able to get more work. I took the Bouffon Intensive Masterclass workshop this month which fulfilled its promise of pushing my boundaries and challenging me as a performer. I also participated in the Rocky Mountain Soap Company’s Fast and Female women’s run (completing the 5K distance) in Canmore. This was challenging as there were hills and Canmore is at a higher altitude. I hope to participate in it again in 2020.

In June, I ran my first 10K in the Huntington’s Run for Hope, I also started to work on the summer trains for Aspen Crossing and did a day on set as background for Tribal. I also volunteered at Horror Con selling tickets. This was also the month I started to put the wheels in motion to find employment within the film industry, submitting my application for permittee status with IATSE 212 in film.

In July, I started a series of vocal lessons with Naomi Williams. I took the set etiquette workshop with IATSE 212, a requirement for the film permit and at the end of the month I took the production assistant workshop with the Director’s Guild of Canada, Alberta District Council. July was also a great month for stage calls with IATSE due to the Calgary Stampede. During the Stampede this year, my boyfriend and I checked out several bands on the Coca-Cola Stage - Metric, Bishop Briggs, Dear Rouge and Death Cab for Cutie - and played the midway.

At the beginning of August, I was offered a role in “Babette’s Feast” with Fire Exit Theatre, which I of course accepted. I did the performer set etiquette course offered by ACTRA and also did a couple of days as a background performer on “Ghostbusters: Afterlife”. I did a road trip with my boyfriend to Grande Prairie to see his parents, returning to Calgary via BC, staying in the fabulous Three Valley Lake Chateau for the last night. At the end of the month, I left the legal industry for good and began work as a production assistant in the locations department on a TV series called “A Teacher” which was shooting until October.

In September, I participated in the Pride Parade with ACTRA and DGC. Rehearsals started for “Babette’s Feast” and I would be playing Babette. I went to Ontario to visit my family for my Dad’s 80th birthday. My sister was also there and I hadn’t seen her for 15 years so it was a fantastic reunion.

In October, I worked on the Train of Terror as a scarer for Aspen Crossing. I also had a day on set as a background performer for “A Teacher” and towards the end of the month worked as a locations PA on a Canadian feature film called “Chasing Justice”. I also accepted a role in “Clue: The Musical” with Dewdney Players. I also got to see Morrissey and The Interrupers live in concert this month.

In November, I took the mermaid course with Adventures in Scuba. I did a day on set as a background performer for “Winter in Vail”, a Hallmark movie. I also had a few IATSE stage calls.

Photo Credit: Jen Carty

In December, “Babette’s Feast” with Fire Exit Theatre opened at the Engineered Air Theatre in Arts Commons and ran for 7 performances. I also worked on the Polar Express for Aspen Crossing. On a personal note, I also made the last payment on my car loan.

Generally, over 2019, I formed and maintained some great habits. I was happy to have continued regular exercise and increase my running distance, however, after I stopped being a full-time office employee with access to a gym at lunch, I stopped running for a few months. It was also difficult to maintain an exercise program when working 14-hour days on set as a PA, however locations work can be physically demanding and IATSE stage calls certainly are. I discovered that I enjoy physical work much more than office work - it’s great to get paid to work out! I have recently started to run again and finding the 5K distance easy to do and looking forward to all the races that I can participate in next year.

I am happy to say that auditioning has become a habit. I auditioned a lot last year. It took 18 auditions (screen and stage) before I was offered a role in “Babette’s Feast”. The role of Babette was definitely worth persisting for, because I admit, after rejection after rejection, that negative little voice inside my head kept suggesting I give up, that being an actor is too hard. I am glad that tenacity took over and I kept on going. As far as auditioning goes, I felt very happy that I was invited to audition for Vertigo Theatre twice last year. Those experiences have made auditions in general easier and not so scary. I have three theatre auditions lined up for January 2020 already.

Writing is developing as a habit. I have been keeping a journal on and off since a teenager and I try to write in my journal every morning. I completed a short story in November, which I submitted for a competition (still waiting to hear), and am working on several scripts. I am learning to focus more and work on one project at a time - taking on too many projects has definitely been my downfall in the past and I have many incomplete ones.

I have also seen a lot of live theatre this year. 52 shows! I have been able to see this many shows as I volunteer as an usher as much as I can. I have learnt so much as a performer and writer from the shows that I have had the privilege of seeing this year. Here in Calgary we certainly have a vibrant scene both amateur and professional. There seems to be a great demand for it as well as many shows sell out even with long performance runs. There was only one show that I did not really enjoy (which shall remain nameless - it was more to do with the actual story than the production itself), but my ten favourite shows this year were, in no particular order, “Cafe Daughter”, Alberta Theatre Projects (part of the High Performance Rodeo), “Deathtrap” - Vertigo Theatre, “Tria Fata” - La Pendue (part of the Festival of Animated Objects), “Giant” - Ghost River Theatre (part of the Festival of Animated Objects), “Avenue Q” - Front Row Centre Players, “Boom X” - Rick Miller at Theatre Calgary, “The Invisible” - Catalyst Theatre/Vertigo Theatre, “Iceland” - Theatre Calgary, “Monster” - Seadreamer, and “A Christmas Carol” - Theatre Calgary. “Deathtrap” was my overall favourite for total entertainment value.

2019 was not a great year for real estate. It wasn’t for a lot of Realtors. For me, working full time and trying to run a business was not easy, but now I have the time to focus more energy into my business, to help more clients and hopefully bring more results!

2019 was a not a great year for me in terms of background work either, especially compared to 2018. I only had 5 days on set as a background performer this year. This is one of the reasons I decided to pursue work as a crew member, which I found fulfilled the desire to simply be on set.

So what does 2020 have in store for me? I guess I will have to wait and see with 20/20 vision! My main resolution is to continue with the work I have been doing. To keep exercising, keep running, ride Stardust more, more mermaiding, swimming, walking, exploring. For acting to keep taking workshops and classes when I can and keep auditioning and hopefully get more auditions in film and TV. I am going to continue to write and complete things, allowing others to read them. I have a short film script that I would love to see produced next year. I hope to do more real estate, more PA work, more IATSE work and more background work. I also want to travel. I would dearly love to go to Ontario for my mother’s 70th birthday in March and for my brother’s 40th in December. I also want to visit my cousin in New Mexico. But mostly I resolve to stay true to myself, to not accept second best and to keep striving for excellence, inspiring others and myself at the same time.

Happy New Year!

#actorslife #theatre #running #writing #happynewyear #calgary

1 note · View note

thechampagnecircus · 3 years

Text

The Bikini Dilemma

Alright ladies, it’s summer. Actually, it’s almost half over already -- ahhh! Therefore it is the season to bust out the bathing suits. Other than the dentist, a tax audit or a Pap, bathing suit shopping can be the biggest groan. This is coming from someone who LOVES shopping. I do. I have zero shame about it. But bathing suits have always been tricky. They are the demon that brings all the insecurities to the surface. Who’s with me? I have had a personal goal of feeling confident in a bikini this year for the first time in a long time. I don’t mean, a tankini or rashguard top. I am talking about the quintessential two piece. It has been at least six plus years since I have worn one. This does not mean that I will be turning my back on my one piece wonders, because they are the bee’s knees.

A couple of things come into play here. First off, I am 35 and the debate of what is appropriate whirls around in my head. Even though I am still clinging to a couple pairs of cut off shorts that I still give zero F’s wearing. The majority of times I am in a suit is at the lake surrounded by my family; my step sons, in-laws, you get the picture. This makes me hyper sensitive to what types of suits I like to invest in, especially when envisioning a two piece. This leads into the second thing, which is, I am rather busty. It’s hilarious to think I always thought I had a somewhat small chest, until I got properly measured five or six years ago only to find out I am actually a 32DDD. I was shocked, and it was no wonder the 34 B bras I had been wearing since highschool felt and looked like crap. If you haven't gotten measured at a reputable lingerie shop, do it. It changed my and my ta-ta’s life.

Those two factors aside, the glaring elephant in the fitting room is overall body image. I know I am not alone here, we are our own worst critics. Truly. Our inner judgey bitches can be very mean to us, especially when it comes to summer clothing and swimsuits. One of the reasons I love Fall Fashion the most; layering and coverage baby. But I digress. We tend to look in the mirror and see the flaws; too much extra something here, cellulite there, one boob is bigger than the other, birthmarks, spider veins, you name it. It is as if our bodies are a Vegas strip of neon faults. We really need to be kinder to ourselves. We all can’t be Gisele, but we are beautiful in our own way. As long as we wear things that fit right, and exude an inner confidence to feel beautiful. I have been working on being nicer to myself, while eating better, and hitting the gym. But I am your typical female, I have one bloated day and I feel like the world is ending. Ahem, period week, I am looking at you. It is definitely an ongoing saga.

Having said all that, I bought said suits online this year, officially under the guise of Covid, when really I was just avoiding fitting rooms like the plague. This didn't help my cause, so a lot of trial and error took place. Also, I apparently missed the memo that all bathing suits are now up-your-butt cut and $100+ for just the top. Both of these facts were a bit of an obnoxious shock. However, amidst the hunt I found two and in the process unearthed my new favorite brand. Vitamin A. A bit pricey, but gorgeous, minimalist and high quality. While they sat in my closet, they acted as a motivation leading up to our first trip to BC earlier this month. I was excited to put it on and pair it with a dry glass of champs by the water. By some small miracle I did not fall back into my self conscious ways. I wore them with pride and remarkably I reached for them more than the latter. It was a major breakthrough, and although I am no Victoria’s Secret Angel it was the first time I felt like I did when I was 18.

Our second trip is approaching and I hope I can carry this spirit through. Try it, you might surprise yourself. Like a bandaid, quickly rip off the mindset that holds you back from feeling beautiful. Posting this photo makes me feel vulnerable but I am proud to say I am able to embrace my body and this new itty bitty, teenie weenie, white and navy striped bikini. Summer will be over before we know it, let’s show some skin, be sexy but classy, and most importantly feel confident. Long live Summer :)

#vitamina #styleaddict #itsagirlthing #confidence #bikini

0 notes

fatalefcmme · 7 years

Text

money makes me romantic.

ELIZABETH ZABINI is A DEATH EATER SUPPORTER in the war, even though HER official job is as A POTIONEER. the TWENTY year old PUREBLOOD is known to be AMBITIOUS and CHARMING but also CUTTHROAT and DECEITFUL. some might label them as THE FEMME FATALE.

trigger warnings: spousal abuse, child abuse, alcoholism, murder (also mentioned in every bullet point!)

youth !

elizabeth is born ready for a life of nannies, of pampering and being spoiled and getting everything she wants. for the first few years of her life, that’s exactly how it goes, too. her father’s a successful businessman, having connections all over the world, his business bringing in the money the zabini’s depend on, breathe on, sleep on. her first four years are spent on silk sheets and expensive clothes, in a massive penthouse apartment overseeing swansea.

it all falls to pieces when her father’s debts catch up on him and he goes bankrupt. there’s no money left. it’s a surprise to her mother, who thought business was booming and that there was nothing to worry about, but they have to move out either way, swap their massive place for a tiny flat that just fits three people. elizabeth is four years old and doesn’t understand what is going on.

[ spousal abuse tw, alcoholism tw, child abuse tw her father starts drinking. a lot. he goes job hunting every day, at least, that’s what he says, and comes home smelling of booze and stumbling every evening. at one point, he starts drinking at home, too, having lost any sense of pride. the zabinis have been knocked from their pedestal, so there’s no room to pretend at home. when he starts drinking at home, the fights between him and elizabeth’s mother increase. her mother screams and her father sits still until he’s done listening and ends the fight with a smack against a cheek or something more. his anger turns to her at times, too, but not as much as it does to her mother, but it does, and that’s enough for her hate to start growing. end of tw ]

they are kicked out of their house for the first time when she’s ten. they couldn’t make rent for the second month in a row and their landlord is done. her parents play the blaming game and elizabeth cries in the dry sheets at the motel they stay in now. they itch and are cold and she just wants a place to call home.

hogwarts is an escape, a place for elizabeth to leave behind the endless fights and the new shitty flat and to focus on something else than keeping quiet and not becoming too bored. she’s sorted in slytherin, like her mum was ( her dad went to school in italy, never even saw inside hogwarts, and perhaps that made the place even better ) and flourishes. socially, academically: suddenly elizabeth grows into something more than what she was before, learns how to use her disadvantages as advantages.

she mixes with the pureblood crowd like she should have done years ago, tells lies as to why she wasn’t at many events ( things like my dad travels a lot so we were never in the uk much, to be honest ) and reconciles with people she went on playdates with before everything turned to shit. she gets into the slug club, grows ambitious when she finds out she has skills, proper skills, in potions.

her ambition becomes a drive, becomes a plan: she signs up for summer internships, for ways out of the live she has been living so far. she talks to slughorn ( who likes her, even if her dad’s a failure ) and searches for opportunities, chances, anything to become successful, to do what a zabini is supposed to do.

later life! (imma timeline this bc its a Thing)

june 1977: once graduated, she starts working to earn the title of potioneer, staying in contact with slughorn and meeting members of the Most Extraordinary Society of Potioneers, making connections and impressions. she’s nineteen (november 1978) when she gains the title. she’s young, but not the youngest, and she’s reveling in it. she starts making potions for st mungo’s and the aurors, works freelance, and so for no one but those she wants to work with. she makes her own money, and feels on top of the world.

august 1978: she marries young, too, only a year after graduation. he’s older than she is, but a few years, merely. a family friend from her mothers’ side, who is a respectable surname, who’s respectable and rich and kind, someone who’s a better husband than her father ever was. she doesn’t love him, though, loves his money, and she married him for that only. his money allows her to move out of her parents place, allows her to start living the life she was supposed to be living all these years. she doesn’t love him, but she loves all he gives her, and it gives a sense of power, because he does seem to love her, and so she holds all the cards.

[ MURDER TW may 1979: it’s after ten months of being married, that dies. a potion -- a poison -- stops his heart, making it seem like a natural death, but he’s too young to die this soon, but no one stops to question it. she’s pregnant, and she does not want him as a father. easy as that. she doesn’t want her child to have a father, doesn’t want him to be the father --- she doesn’t love him, and she won’t let her son grow up with parents who don’t love each other, like she had. she won’t allow that. she holds the cards, and she decides to stop the game and win.

there’s something twisted in elizabeth, like there’s in every zabini, in every rowle: it’s always been there, but the moment she starts toying with the idea of poisoning her husband, it grows. she makes the poison herself and feels the most alive than she ever has, and while she tells herself that she’s doing it for her son, she knows, somewhere, it’s also because she wants power. him dying would leave her a fortune, and she needs it. end of tw ]

15 november 1979: her son is born and she names him blaise and loves him more than she has ever loved anyone else. she promises him a good life, a youth she never had, the youth she should have had. she promises him silk sheets and fortune and love, because she loves him, truly, deeply, loyally.

post blaise’s birth: elizabeth is still making potions, though more for friends and acquaintances (and death eaters), but has put her career on a backburner. she’s found a better way to make money, after all, her dead husband has taught her that. besides that, she’s a single mother, and most of her time is eaten by blaise, blaise, blaise. she has cut ties with her parents at this point, has left her past behind and not looked back, and in stead only focuses on the future. she focuses on pretending to grieve and raising her son and being the face of perseverance for other widows ( because god knows the war makes many ). she wears red silk and red lipstick and cries fake tears and flips her hair and is in search for a new man to marry, to pretend to love, to steal his money from when he dies under strange circumstances.

personality n tidbits !

basically the ‘then perish’ meme tbh. really doesnt care about anyone besides her and her son, when it comes down to it, and lmao. a selfish being.

really sociable and charming. she’s made a name for herself over the past few years, too, is growing more respected in pureblooded circles because of her beauty, of her money, of her position. she’s appearing at balls and spending money on charities and smiling her best smiles and playing the game right.

likes red wine and cider!!! a lot!!

Bitter Bitch at times, but mostly a Determined Bitch and a Beautiful Bitch.

responds to beth too btw!!

as for purist shiz: she sticks with it as well as the de’s bc it puts her in a position of power and well ... power is everything? gotta love it. gotta have it. if her being a pureblood with a respectable last name puts her higher than others, she’ll gladly accept that.

Aesthetic Goals

what can i say besides all this?? she loves slow jazz ?? here’s a pinboard.

#maraudrshq:intro #( money power 'n glory. )#abuse tw #child abuse tw #spousal abuse tw #alcoholism tw #murder tw

6 notes · View notes

noheroes-allowed · 5 years

Text

boston baby

aka I’m a dumbass

I literally deleted all the text of my old post bc I’m a fucking idiot. so now my idiocy stems from not only my inability to stop liking this boy but also my fucking incapability of navigating this site. and my stubbornness in having this post to look back on so I have to write it again which sucks bc I spent like 3 days on the last one. again --- I hate that I put so much weight on our interactions. I hate that I have this need to remember it all. I remember in freshman year when I liked this guy I wrote little clues to myself and I was sure I would remember them. and I liked that it was something I knew but no one else could really guess if they just saw single, independently floating words. but I looked back on them last fall and I had no idea what half of them were. I suppose it’s a good sign that I’ve officially moved on, no ache in my heart that I couldn’t remember, only a little nostalgia. and then when I found the clues I wrote in my notes app about keith from the first segc social I went to in like 2018, I didn't know what was going on either. in this case, it’s purely from bad memory. although I did write down that his favorite candy was sweet tarts, which he mentioned again this trip. I’m sure at one point in my life I will look back on this with only nostalgia and sentimentality and appreciate how much I’ve grown since the time of me writing this, at least I hope so. but for now, I know I want to remember these days. not just bc of my horrendously irrational crush on keith, but bc this trip was really fun. it might be the highlight of my semester. and at the end of it all, I did grow closer to these people and one individual in particular. even though I doubt he would like me back, at the end of the day, I still really enjoy his company and knowing more about him even in the friend capacity. so this is my completely rational justification, and I will try not to feel bad about myself.

I looked back on an unsent letter I wrote about him over winter break just now. it’s crazy how much closer we are now than we were just two months ago. a lot of the content was actually about how I wish I could get to know him more. to hear his laugh and see his smile, listen to his stories and adventures. to know more about him and for him to want to know more about me. it’s amazing. I actually got to do exactly that this weekend.

there were so many little moments I appreciate and don’t want to forget. when he picked me up, he said something in the car that I couldn’t hear bc I was outside. but I think it was something like ‘do you want to sit in the front.’ but my mind was so set on sitting shotgun that I went for the door and when I asked him what he said he said he just couldn’t get the door open since it was locked the first time I tried. we were talking about behavioral econ since class was cancelled and serena asked me if I liked it and I said that I had been wanting to take it since applying to colleges. keith was surprised. and he said how he didn’t know why he picked the 9am discussion. and I said he could always go to a later one. but then he was like no it’s too late bc jaja is in it and you’re in it. even though jaja never shows up to class. ‘do you want to help me navigate?’ when we left Ithaca, maxwell and I were talking about Iceland, and I said all I wanted to do was see the northern lights. maxwell wanted to go snorkeling. then when everyone started doing their work since our car was deemed the work car, he turned to me and ‘tell me a story.’ literally I lit up inside when he said that bc he wanted to hear about me, and he never reciprocated back this question when I asked him the few times before our trip, and the specific wording bc that’s exactly how I ask him. everyone loves talking about themselves, even me. and I thought making the story-sharing a thing would make him happy since he could think back on some memories and I could learn more about him. it’s a win-win really.

we talked about maryland a lot. I think the first story I told was in 8th grade when we went to a museum in dc and we ran into neil patrick harris and our grade bothered him so much that he left. and then we got onto the topic of field trips and going to st. mary’s to learn about colonies. he thought it was weird that I took the school bus to school bc he only ever rode buses on trips. we talked about the aquarium and the science center and crabs and ocean city beach trips and just md. stupidly it made me appreciate md more.

anyway I told him about the trips I went on in high school, and how I slipped in the rain in disney and fucked up my elbow for weeks afterwards, and getting to see the backstage of the parks, and having to drive all the way there and sleeping on the bus, and how we went to london and nola. he asked me who I spent most of my time with in marching band. I asked him about his trips. his school took so many camping and hiking trips with everyone in the grade and that’s when he would pull his pranks. they went out to the eastern shore of maryland once and camped out in the grass next to the sand to learn about biomes. and this guy brought a hoverboard even though no electronics were allowed. and they started building a trench in the sand for no reason. he asked me if I ever had gone camping. I told him I camped on a beach in china when I was 12. and that my family used to go every year until my brother was born. apparently on another school trip two seventh graders were making out next to everyone sleeping bc they didn't even separate the boys and the girls. he said one time his friends and him ate really greasy foods and a milkshake from dq and he felt really gross afterwards.

we talked about books too, like what we read as kids. and I asked him about all the books I read in high school. he read hamlet and the great gatsby and tried to read pride and prejudice and not frankenstein and not the crucible. he watched the lion king in class too after hamlet. I told him I cried, and during the great gatsby, and was haunted by the clip from the crucible where everyone gets hung. he made a reference to percy jackson I didn't understand. I asked him his favorite movie but he didn't know. mine is beautiful boy. he said he saw little women but I wanna read it first. also we talked about friends and how I grew up with it and it would be on the same time as hannah montana at 7:30. he said he watched a lot of hannah but not actually bc of his sisters since they were a bit older than the target audience so I guess he just watched it bc he wanted to? also I said drake and josh was the only children’s sitcom my dad would watch bc it was funny to him too. it reminds me of when we were at mango mango and he pointed out the mangoes and said they reminded him of the pear ipads from icarly and victorious.

we stopped at Panera and he didn’t get the sandwich I recommended. he got a plain turkey sandwich instead, but mine was literally the same except it had really good bread. when we were waiting for maxwell to figure out the drink machine, a jeremy song came on and I said I went to his concert in philly and got the sweatshirt I was wearing from there. he said it was a sign. during lunch annie brought up coronavirus and how a girl got back from abroad and went to mixers. and they talked about traveling in europe. keith said he had family he visited in some European country that I don't remember at this point, and that his most recent immigrant was one of his grandfathers. I wonder what his parents look like. on our way out I asked if we could go to petco and he said for a few minutes. and we got to see lizards and snakes and geckos and gerbils and birds. and then on our way out I said ‘omg a turtle’ really loudly and he turned around and smiled. later I asked him if he had any pets and he said he used to have a dog. he asked me and I said I didn't. he said it seemed like I really want one though. his sister is a vet and the other works for a pet store company.

we talked about college and how well our semesters have gone. he said his freshman year was rough and he didn't feel like himself and was lazy sophomore year and didn't have good friends until sophomore spring I think. and that cornell was good for him bc he’d grown up in such a small school his entire life and he needed the change. I feel like I would’ve felt a greater sense of belonging if I went to a liberal arts school just bc of its size. he liked 4th and 8th and this year. I liked 3rd 6th 9th and freshman year and this year. he was surprised that I liked them for meeting new people, but I think it has to do with the fact that I met a lot of people in those years who I grew to really care about. even though trying to meet people in that time was hard. and freshman year was just really transformative for my growth. ‘wait tell me more about umd.’ I kept it vague and told him how I was a nerd and was really scared about grades and went to office hours and studied a lot. we stopped at a gas station then so the topic kind of died down. he left the door open for a few minutes after getting out then popped his head back, ‘sorry about that’, and we were all confused but it was just him apologizing for the cold getting in. there was a convenience store inside and his favorite candy is sweet tarts. I liked kit kats a lot, and he does too but he eats them too quickly. I pointed out the cookies and crème, which he’s never had before, but I mentioned that I gave him the option last Halloween when I had candy from work.

he asked me to put on music but I was scared I would get judged for my music taste and we didn’t have an aux cord and he said we should get one at a rest stop but we never ended up doing that. we turned on the radio and it felt like such an early 2010s thing to do, and I mentioned in middle school there were only two radio stations people listened to. ‘wait name them.’ and he fucking knew 106.5 and 104.3 and gosh. when he said ‘wait we have so much in common’ with that damn smile. I know he was just talking about common experiences we’ve had just living somewhat close to each other, but what initially drew me to him was that we have the same major and both came from md. I always felt a stronger connection to him and I feel like he appreciated our similarities too. it was so fun bc I associate all those md things with people from high school but to have this in common with a friend from college is just so surreal. it’s like two worlds colliding in a wonderful way.

there were moments when I felt like it was just us, away from segc and just traveling together. when he asked me to look at the Airbnb info. when he asked me to find parking for him bc he’s never parallel parked. but that one time when everyone was in the car and he did it perfectly and everyone cheered. memorizing where our car was. his smile when I would anticipate what he needed and tell him I already have a parking lot set in maps as our destination. when he gave me his wallet to pay the toll. when I left that note in the car bc we were blocking other people. when the windows fogged up and I had to check if he could merge. and when we had to both roll down the window bc the ac was broken. when I checked to make sure he parked between the lines. when everyone else was rushing off to dinner and we stayed behind to make sure we didn't have to pay for parking. and then the next day figuring out the machine. and figuring out the rates. and paying for our parking in the lobby. when he couldn’t get the card in and asked me to try. and in the morning too. when we woke up before everyone else. and I was still in bed working and he was surprised to see me awake and dabbed bc we were talking about that in the car. and just ‘can I use your room’ ‘can I take a shower’ ‘I’m gonna brush my teeth’ ‘wait can I pee first’. cleaning up the Airbnb and stripping the sheets and throwing everything out and taking out the trash and setting the coffee table back and arranging the couch pillows. ‘can I put this here for a second’ when he left his jacket in my room just when he was in the bathroom. but the second night he kept it there for hours. I loved it when we were just talking on our own too. like on the road when he pointed out the baseball and basketball hall of fame and the chesapeake watershed. when he tricked me by calling a random stream the susquehanna, then ‘it’s the susquehanna’ ‘really?’ ‘oh idk’ when I got him back, and then joking that the river we were crossing by harvard was it too, but we actually saw it on the way back. and in the kitchen when he dropped the clif bar wrapper and I said his name in a disappointing way so when we were cleaning up he joked and said we gotta make sure there were no more wrappers lying around. ‘I’m going to go into that room for a while.’ I gave him a weird look so he explained he was gonna do push-ups and didn't want to fall behind and put his finger on his lips. and when I told him I was meeting a friend sunday morning with just us in the kitchen, he said he was jealous. I think bc he wanted to see his best friend from brown. this shit seems miniscule and dumb but. idk it just made me feel happy and light and dumb inside.

edit 3/21: I’m finally back to finish this post, hopefully. it’s definitely been a weird past week, and so much has changed since the boston trip that I’ve been reluctant to come back and finish this bc of how different I feel compared to how “happy and light and dumb inside” I was a mere two weeks ago. life is definitely weird now. and I didn’t want to taint this post with that. but I think inevitably I am less excited and happy about this trip and probably forgot some the small things. but I needed to finish this eventually, so here I am.

on our way there, I asked him if he was close to his high school friends. and he said he saw a bunch of people last summer. and his friend like inspired him a bit bc he acts with no shame in that he won’t let small doubts hold him back. and that made him want to reach out to hs people. and I said I wanted to talk to some people from home but it was hard bc I didn’t know if they’d want to talk to me too, but then ‘would you be happy if they reached out to you?’ ‘it’s not the same.’ I asked him about his segc application and the issue he talked about. he talked about racism and his perspective. the radio said south by southwest was cancelled, our speaker that week was on the board for the event. the radio also talked about virus cases in boston on our way there. also on our way into the city the second day, there was a sign that said something like ‘caution’ ‘coronavirus cases’ or something and he said it felt like we were in the beginning of an apocalyptic movie.

when we got to the Airbnb, the others spent literally two hours trying to find a dinner place for us. but we were just chilling. he complimented my shoes. and said butterflies when I was doing stretches on the ground. we went to get water from the kitchen and he got some from the tap but I found a water filter in one of the cabinets and pointed it out to him. ‘oh it tastes fine though’ but I needed it for me. ‘oh that was selfish of me.’ and then ‘lucy what’s your fourth favorite day at cornell’ but we were back in the living room. and he corrected himself to ‘well everyone’ but it was directed at me. and he was asking me. and it made me feel special. in the car he asked me my fourth favorite year and I think that’s how we started talking about umd, and fourth favorite ice cream. his number one is chocolate. at dinner, we were at the thai place and he got chicken curry but ‘why don’t you try something new.’ he said it was too risky given how spicy the menu was and how hungry he was at the moment. he mentioned the md state fair bc annie talked about the ny state fair. and seriously. I fucking need to know if the timonium state fair grounds are legit state fair grounds. like is the fair actually a state fair or do they just call themselves that. omfg I’ve been wondering this for years and I need answers. on our way to dinner, my shoe came untied and I said I could catch up but he waited for me anyway. and as we were jogging he was like ‘remember disney’ bc I told him I fell. we saw a bunch of bunnies in the yards of the houses and I said watership down kinda traumatized me. he said his sister had to read or watch (?) it but he didn’t but he knew it was gruesome. after dinner though we all walked to the tower. that we saw in the distance while we were driving and walking to the restaurant. but it just ended being an academic building with a weird tower top. and it started snowing and was extremely cold. and maxwell told this story about how his brakes got cut on his bike.

after dinner we got back and they were figuring out a movie to watch on netflix. and couldn’t decide so I suggested the office s5 ep14 bc stress relief is iconic. and it made me happy that everyone was enjoying the episode. divya was like ‘keith and lucy look like you’re having fun’ bc we were both sitting on the ground I guess in her like camera’s direction? idk. I thought it was weird she pointed out us two specifically. bc before she asked him how the car ride went and he said everyone was doing work. and she was like wait what so what did you do. ‘I talked to lucy a lot actually.’ ‘oh what’d you guys talk about.’ but he had to fix the car parking and then she asked me from across the room in front of everyone what we talked about. also at dinner saturday she sat down and then literally changed seats to sit next to him. and also ‘shivani, we should visit dc over spring break.’ right after he said he was gonna do a 10k there. it’s a little sus is all. they played some card games after the episodes but I took a shower instead. I think keith and mahdia were partners. after they played I was standing in the living room and everyone was figuring out the sleeping situation and he tapped me on my shoulder. but he kinda messed up bc he tried to trick me but he tapped the wrong one bc he overthought it.

lucy take your pick, are we there yet, ice cream cake, diners, tufts, 75 state st section 3k, green tea latte, lucy is so funny, magnet, pics in the comic store, questions to ask, salt water taffy, waiting for us by the elevator, crocs store, circle push door???, vineyard vines, bookstore, racing up the stairs, printable stories, ideal Friday night, lucy just takes shotgun, parking for harvard, stopping in pokeworks, looking back at me, the moon and the sun, you know what you need to do, can you get us home, keith st, what’s new, tell me how this morning went, how’d it go, i’m glad you got to go, band and art and classes and sports, my brother, never being at whole foods before, are there tongs, md grocery stores, my phone is messed up, fucking up on the highway, clif bar flavors, first crush, dating, umd, dances and prom, parties, selfie, canoe trip, ipods and mp3 and ds and psp, being dropped off last, his dorky ok, great Gatsby soundtrack, it doesn't really come up in conversation

#remarks #this time I left some notes to myself #so I don't forget

0 notes

camphalforacle · 8 years

Text

pjo au!!!

Ok so the au is pretty intricate so my plan is to do a post for each character’s backstory and then do another post for the plot! I’ll also probably do some miniposts on character relationships in this au that get glossed over- this post will be about Lance

Lance is a son of Aphrodite (and great grandson of a son of Poseidon), Pidge is a daughter of Athena, Keith is a son of Ares, Shiro is a son of Jupiter, Hunk is a son of Demeter, Allura is a daughter of Bellona, and Coran is a centaur (like Chiron)

Ok so the Garrison is a safe house where demigods can go (Roman and Greek) run by older demigods and others (Coran, Alfor, etc.). The Garrison offers academics for demigods, boarding, training, and pretty much everything in between

Alright so I want to delve a little bit into Lance (like i said this will be a bit lance centric before I get into actual plot)

Lance has been there the longest out of almost the entire group (Allura has officially been there the longest, her father was the grandson of Justice and she grew up only ever knowing the Garrison as home)

Lance arrived at the Garrison when he was nine. Lance is the oldest sibling of 7 and he was the only demigod out of them (the poseidon blood in all the kids wasn’t potent so no one had any powers or the like). But because Lance was a full on demigod he kept attracting monsters to his house, and he felt really guilty, so his mom took him to the Garrison where he stays full time (only writing some letters back and forth with his family)

To say he’s homesick is an understatement

At the time of this story he’s 19 and yea he’s got insecurities…

When Lance first arrived to the Garrison he thought things would go great for him, he imagined glory and training to fight monsters… but that didn’t exactly go as planned

Lance was automatically labeled the stereotypical Aphrodite kid and this kind of branded his life there

Lance always tried desperately to break the idea that all Aphrodite kids’ were airheads and only cared about makeup

He studied so hard in his classes, and trained even harder. He brushed off his homesickness and just put in all the effort he could

Yet he was still one of the last picked for capture the flag and even then he was given little responsibility

Sure, he fit a lot of the stereotypes, he was a massive flirt, his pride was his skin care routine, and his saturdays were spent watching rom-coms with his other sibling

But he still was a good demigod- he was an excellent sharpshooter and if anyone let him prove himself instead of brushing him off they too would see his talents

Though the campers will admit that he has an exceptional ability with the pegasi- especially a grayish mare named Blue, who only has one wing and was too scared to let anyone near her before Lance showed up

Then when Lance is thirteen in walks two new demigods- Takashi Shirogane and Keith Kogane

At the time Lance had few friends (other than his siblings) despite his seemingly outgoing personality. He mostly was too afraid that he’d have to leave them like he did his family, so the majority of his time was spent hanging with Coran, creating wild variations of common card games (Allura was also a constant for Lance, she was two years older than him and Coran’s niece, so they ended up forming a brotherly/sisterly bond with one another- which definitely entails Lance braiding Allura’s hair all the time and especially before she goes on a quest)

Shiro was 17 at the time and Keith 13, they had been foster brothers coincidentally and their foster mother may or may not have been a monster in disguise

Lance despises Keith from the start- he’s everything he’s not

Keith is a son of Ares, he barely has to work to match right up to Lance’s fighting abilities that took years of practice and he’s instantly respected by fellow campers

So yea, Lance declares a rivalry on him and Keith is honestly just really confused because he’s barely even had a conversation with the guy ??

Shiro ends up being a bit of a star at camp, being one of the few children of the Big Three

He’s powerful and has especially skill in controlling lightning and storms, Lance immediately looks up to him

And then not even a week into Keith being at the Garrison he gets a quest

AND LANCE IS FLOORED

because he’s been there for four years now ?? and where is his quest at ??

Coran makes sure to calm Lance down a bit and it works mostly, but it still leaves a lasting impression and Lance can’t help think that it means something (maybe he is just a stereotypical Aphrodite kid after all)

Alright so it’s almost a year later after all this, Lance is keeping his rivalry going with Keith, and he’s chilling with Allura, drinking some lemonade playing a card game when he meets a new demigod, Hunk Garrett (son of Demeter)

They’re basically instant best friends (and Coran is a proud dad bc look at his son finally making friends!!)

Hunk is one of the best things to happen to Lance, he reminds Lance of his mom which provides an even greater sense of home to the Garrison

Hunk is the first person that Lance takes to try and befriend wit Blue

It takes awhile but eventually Blue takes a liking to Hunk (especially after he shares his famed oat cookies with her)

Hunk is Lance Protection Squad (you know how Demeter went apeshit on those people that trespassed in her woods- yea thats Hunk when people try to disregard Lance, etc)

The friendship is just really good for both of them and they make an awesome power duo (especially in capture the flag- which no one suspects)

However, there’s this one time when Lance is going through a rough spot. Keith had gotten another quest (Lance still was holding out for his first) and when he came back he was praised by everyone. However, he got injured on it and has to sit out for capture the flag that night. The Ares Cabin reluctantly adds Lance to their team, but ensures that he knows it’s only because Keith is injured

And yea that reinforces a lot of insecurities that Lance was just starting to get over

Hunk tries to console his friend after the game by bringing him some comfort food, but Lance just snaps at him and tells him to throw it all out- he doesn’t want it, and Hunk does just that

Lance is shocked

Hunk is shocked (he would never waste his food)

And that’s how it was found out that Lancecould charmspeak

Lance immediately apologized, he felt awful for snapping at Hunk and even worse for forcing him into something. Lance and Hunk come to an agreement not to tell anyone about it, but it terrifies Lance. He hates that his voice can make someone go against their will (he makes sure to never give anyone orders)

Then just a couple months after Hunk arrives, so does a new demigod, Pidge Gunderson, child of Athena

For some reason Lance just has this overwhelming feeling that he has to be friends with this little shit

To say Pidge is unwelcoming to the idea was a major understatement

But eventually Hunk and Lance grew on Pidge

They became known as a trio, never separating from each other

They were each other’s best friends for nearly five years when a great prophecy was given

It called for six demigods

apparently, there had been an underground resistance group composed of gods and demigods that wanted to overthrow Olympus

they were known as the Gods Allegiance to the Lesser Revered Authorities, or GALRA for short

So Lance finally got his wish to go on this quest and three of his best friends were going with him and so was his hero! But then there were the downsides… like the imminent death of the whole thing

And the worst of all- spending an indefinite time with Keith Kogane

#pjo au #voltron #vld #lance mcclain #pidge gunderson #hunk garrett #takashi shirogane #keith kogane #allura #coran #voltron: legendary defender #lance (voltron)#pidge (voltron)#hunk (voltron)#shiro (voltron)#keith (voltron)#allura (voltron)#coran (voltron)#langst

997 notes · View notes

thebottomoftheapple · 6 years

Text

The Comeback Kid

HELLO... It’s.Been.AGES.

I owe myself a hugeeee apology for not writing since mid 2017. The Year is now 2019 WOW. Kinda unreal, kinda exciting since welp 2018 was nottttt itttttt. BUT before we go let me recap– as much as I can– of where I left off.

Shortly after my last post (finishing off junior year) I went to Altanta (Suwanne) to stay with Tio Edwin + family WHILE I interned with Resolve Media Group ❤️❤️and it was honestly one of the most amazing yet ordinary taste of adulthood to this day! I first work on the LifeTime movie (Oscar Pistorious) for the first month which was a great learning experience and met some great people. After that, I worked more at Resolve and the amazing Chad, Will, and even Mac. And ofc Jay and Summer! I was an Office PA, Overall Set PA, and Art PA. And honestly though the hours were sometimes unbearably long, I was happy! I was in a grove, I enjoyed getting up and going to working and driving hours through Atlanta traffic everyday. I’m pretty sure I was at my lowest weight at the end of that summer and tan(ish) ugh I miss it a lot. BUT, God willing, I may be back there soon enough, doing what I love! Ahh and after I came back to NY, I went right to another one of my favorite places LONDON💙💙

London and abroad was something else and there’s no way I could write it all down but the best and worst of those memories I’ll never forget. From LIVING in a London flat to seeing my Dad in Barcelona, running away from the Florence police, looking for my phone off the train tracks of Italian campos, trying my first (and still only) gyro in Greece, birthday peeing in the streets of Budapest, living one of my absolute favorite fairytale lives in Amsterdam, and playing house and thinking I found the love of my life off a foreign tindr swipe 😂. Abroad was truly an amazing experience and I can’t wait to (because I definitely will!) go back for more adventures!

I came back to NY at the end of 2017... with a boyfriend lmao. Well at the time I would have been soooo gee and happy, I really thought I was part of that statistic of people who come back from abroad in a long distance relationship lol.... and then eventually go back and live happily ever after. But nope that didn’t happen but absolutely for the best. But i was really happy and you could tell, I just felt lighter and less mentally/emotionally strained like I had been with previous lovers. WHICH!! is so bad because I feel like that means I put too much emphasis on having romantic relationships in my life. But I think the switch was so different because I had been dealing with BS for so long... Nabil treated me better than anyone, spoiled me tbh, but also gave me more attention and affection than anyone had before... definitely the funnest sex lol, humor, music, and real conversation about real things... which also turned out to be the core of why he was definitely not the one aha... But back to emphasizing relationship, that’s really evident now especially because I haven’t dealt with anyone for almost a year but if I’m being honest it’s actually like 6 months (the devil never stops working haha), which is still long for me and honestly I wouldn’t have it any other way because my life right now has no room for any of that–literally. So that’s been fine... that was a secondary concern, ya know a lil heartbreak but a lot of more lessons learned about myself. And now I’m so used to not dealing with anything of that nature all together that it’s definitely not a priority coming into 2019. (OFC I get in my bag sometimes, think about an old ting, but none of that was ever going to be what I wanted it to)

Thank U, Next! lol no but to get into my biggest concerns this past year, has been about me. Specifically my future/career and what steps to take because now I absolutely have control on what’s next. Oh yeah I graduated college btw, which is the reason why I was (am) so lost because it’s not school! I mean it could be, but I really don’t think it’s necessary. That weighed on me heavy throughout the summer because I did eventually get an internship at NowThis Media, which is where I’m still freelancing at now, but I knew that wasn’t what I wanted to be doing long-term. Lmao yet here I am 🤦‍♀️but no honestly it’s not terrible, it’s great experience/for my resume and money is good enough for someone saving and not paying real bills rn (shoutout to my amazing mother 😭). I have a better plan now but things could change maybe if the position/MONEY is right but we’ll see. The plan is to go back to Atlanta, stay with family again, and see if it’s possible to do what I love and make a living out of it and officially move there. And to do that by the summer I need to start planning now but I’m trying to time everything out. SO there’s that.. I’m praying for the best 🙏🙏🙏

Last but not least, ME, mentally, physically, spiritually ME. Honestly coming out of the great year that was 2017 I thought I was on such a great path and I was but things happen aha... it wasn’t until after graduation that I started to get really sad because of of the whole ‘what am I going to do/what’s my calling’ but I thought it was pretty normal because it is for a lot of people. But I underestimated that sadness because it definitely got worse going into the Fall. I mean not 100% unbearable sadness like 2015 💆Thank God. But I had my moments, like just feeling lost and out of place, not enjoying my daily routine (inc. work, social media), car L’s of course 🙄, friendship tribulations, and just unfortunate events that have messed with my spirit and energy.

BUT! definitely some good outcomes... health wise: I joined a gym! and have gone at least 1-4 times a week ever since so that’s really good. An interesting/sus older man once told me to invest in yourself and I def have lol. Started being in control/paying for more ‘big girl things’ you could say. Learned to leave some things alone that needed to be left. Got closer to some of the more important people in my life. Went out a little more I think, which is deb(t)atably a good thing. A lots more reflection, which I think is where I’ve been lacking because I stopped writing and sorta lost a little sense of self. And I think I did embark on the self-love journey and work on my confidence and speaking up but I think I approached that as my main issues. And yes those are some but I believe I overlooked some other character issues. I was too focused on speaking up and being more out there but sometimes that gets me into worse situations. Sure, I need to speak out more but also I need to be more mindful about what I say and also about what and how much I share with people who are honestly not good for me and my inner peace. It’s a hard balance but that is something I’ll be tackling from now on. And learning it’s ok! to remove myself and not explain doing things that are good for me ( but also knowing when to let go of my pride sometimes). It’s all a balance that I have yet to master but I at least I am aware of it now. Following my gut and making sure internally that I’m good will be a good goal for the year.

So I guess I’m into goals now 🤗

- Use social media less, way less! I really think this is the source of some of my lost feeling because of the undeniable idea of comparison and blah blah but yeah I feel like I could be doing much more healthier things like reading again!

- Keep up my gym life, and try to do better when it comes to eating too.

-Really try out this Atlanta thing because it’s honestly very accessible and worth the try especially at 22, this is my time to following my dreams and take risks and be afraid but also be brave because my happiness short-term/long-term actually depends on it!

- The last big thing is really that inner peace thing, trusting my gut, being a better me and not something that isn’t me. Addressing my ‘toxicity’ and flaws to be a happier and healthier spirit.

- Oh and go out less meaning like lituations because honestly clubs, lounges, party functions are really not for me and I’ve accepted that but I think once I get my life together I will easily avoid those situations bc the fomo/desire to be with the people I care for really be putting me in situations I don’t enjoy lmao wasting so much money, when I can be with them and have fun in actually fun events.

- And write more duh!

Okay 🙂I think this post is long enough. A good ‘last time in Kiara’s life’ recap of the last ~18months. This is a good start to getting back to a healthier but even better me. I should also start writing down and keeping track of some of my goals. Hopefully through writing here but regardless still writing because I do believe this is a worthwhile, therapeutic outlet.

SO HERE’S TO 2019 🥂

A prosperous and happy life-changing year! I know big things things are coming. Having patience and facing my fears are really my determining factors of what the year will bring but I know can overcome them.

Until next time, which will be soon I promise!

#to health happiness and love #to a life changing year #to a better ME #we back in this bitch!#1/1/2019

0 notes