#this is old and stupid but Im feeling generous today and Im posting it here too because who CARES! | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

tiny-pteranodon · 1 year

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Stupid questions incoming:

How exactly is Aryan Migration different from like, other migrations? Is it the fact that they did not have a homeland? Was this the place they finally settled at after leaving Africa or were they actually native to someplace else before?

Everyone came from Africa, right? And if so, what is the difference between Dravidians finding this land and what exactly makes Aryans foreigners in some people’s eyes?

oh yes THIS

i should have touched on this that day but the post was getting too long,

no difference at all, in the grand scheme of things, people have been migrating here and there since the beginning, the ethnoclutural backgrounds of places change all the time.

also, they did have a homeland, the pontic steppes, they just didnt build buildings, canals, citadels like many other contemporary societies did. and they did have attachment to the land they lived on, prithvi and her homologues are one of the most important godesses afterall.

and noone actually knows if the first place that dravidians settled was india, or any other society for that matter because by the most agreed upon definition, homo sapiens left africa somewhere around 70-50,000 years ago.

[also, there is no set definition of "human", many consider all the species of the homo genus to be humans, in which case homo erectus (dont laugh) left africa 2 million years ago, and also homo sapiens also left africa once or twice before 50000 ago but those were not permanent and they died off]

so we arrive in asia 70-50,000 yars ago. the oldest settlements are 10,000 old, and the oldest civilisation is egypt at around 5000 years old. now you notice the 65-45,000 year long window between exodus out of africa and starting of the first nation? between this time EVERYONE was nomadic. gunter gatherer at first and then pastoralists and then some places became agriculturists.

there have been so many waves of migrations that cant possibly claim that xyz was the original place of abc people after coming out of africa, i mean just imagine, youre a hunter gatherer, rain doesnt happen on time and the plants are drying, now youll want to get out of that place and go somewhere else, you have no particular place in mind, just somewhere that has food will do. so migrations were the norm for most of histroy, until like two hundred years ago you could just leave a country and go live somewhere else and noone would bat an eye

and everyone was moving around, the americas were settled TWICE, by crossing through the berring strait (which was frozen as an ice bridge back then).

so there is no fundamental difference between aryans and dravidians arriving in india, its just that due to coincidence the dravidians came first.

and i can not claim to know anyones mind unfortunately,

but it might be because right wing hindu conservatives consider muslims and british descendents to be foreigners, so someone promptly pointed out that technically youre a foreigner as well, (though they were wrong in saying that, because no genetically pure aryan is living today, all of us are mixed race, though the hindus are obviously also wrong in claiming that the palce theyve been living in for generations, almost a millenium in some cases is "not their country")

and theres also the caste thing, see in the northern plains (wont make any claims about other places, this is how things are percieved as here) (also im not saying that the following is true, but only that most people believe it too be true, i dont have enough knowledge to support or deny this) upper caste people tend to have more "aryan" phenotype whereas lower caste people have more native phenotypes. so many lower class people feel like that they were the originals owners of this land and in came these foreigners, oppressed us, destroyed our religion, implemented their own oppressive culture etc etc you get the gist.

to some extent this is true (just look at our beauty standards, and no the british didnt cause this) as lower caste were objectively oppressed and kept out of any well do to position under the hindu laws (we had a katha a few days back and the "priest" had the fucking audacity to say that "those who feel like they can be with god by reading the scripture and reciting it dont know that only brhamins can read it in a meaningful way" like what the fuck you bastard)

umm yeah thats it.

#asky #savlon #desiblr #hindublr #thanks for the ask

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mtsainthelens · 4 months

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i just watched stop making sense and i wrote a review on letterbox but im posting it here too cause it ended up being like an op-ed

copy paste

woww that was so good. i put this on as i was getting ready for bed and instead it just riled me up. my favorite song was the one about blood and the nukes. david byrne looked like a ventriloquist dummy in that one. this whole thing made me want to read white noise again.

here is a story. i saw of montreal live just two days ago on their latest tour. i had a lot of fun but my main issue was that im much more a fan of their old music than i am their new material and while there i could process why. the older of montreal songs appealed to me because i viewed the music as a porthole into one persons very fucked up life and their intense personal mythology. their recent music does not have the touch of a belief system that was only able to develop in isolation. i see the new songs as too contemporary and in a word, too “plugged in” to the rest of the world to hold my interest. why i mention this here is because this concert sort of provided an inverse experience.

[

INTERMISSION ONE

this is my impression as someone who is not really familiar w talking heads or how theyre perceived culturally/critically/etc. ive gotten made fun of times because im pretty ignorant about how different media is perceived. oftentimes some helpful person will inform me how the thing is cringe or what the thing is actually known for or what kind of people the thing attracts. as if i give a fuck. my life has generally been made worse whenever im forced to learn what other people think and i consider it a kind of violence to my imagination and to the art form itself! its a blessing to encounter and work with something as it is, free of outside interpretations and people priming you before and after on how you’re supposed to feel about it. resist groupthink today! this intermission is actually thematically relevant to the rest of this review otherwise i wouldn’t have included it.

]

so the reason i say Stop Making Sense was an inverse of the of Montreal concert is because my interpretation of montreal is that it originally dealt with highly specific and localized material and has transitioned into making more broadly appealing and “relatable” music, at least lyrically. meanwhile, my impression of talking heads is that it has taken something very ubiquitous and banal and dealt with it in a way that makes it alien and inaccessible. i see the songs as dealing primarily w the ennui and dread of the average middle american man, a fear of what you will lose, and a terror about the world around you! the fear is mundane and unspecific, it is relatable. what is incredible is the way these themes are transformed into something foreign and strange. it introduces novelty in a way that forces you to view it for the first time, but it is not really new! it’s a sadness you were born with.

see the long intermission above. it was not meant to be a soapbox or a tangent i had nowhere else to place, i thought of it while watching because that was what the performance invoked. while watching, i thought “there is nothing else like this in the world”. and after thinking that i reflexively cringe because i am well familiar with how things are slated and their novelty is lost as they are processed into content slop. the thought of it makes me especially sad in this instance because its antithetical to what i mentioned above, how the performance uses its own unpredictability and quirkiness to come around from the other side and give the audience a fresh look at a familiar scene. going in blind, it forces you to see it as it is for the very first time.

[

INTERMISSION TWO

This isn’t to say you should avoid any cultural context about a piece of art, which would be stupid. I think it’s important to engage with and understand critical reception and analysis as it comes. After the fact, it can greatly enhance your understanding and appreciate for the piece. My quarrel is that a lot of what passes for cultural context…isn’t. Most of the time you won’t be learning the background of a piece or what it mismanages or anything like that. Most of the time the background and analysis you receive before and after seeing it are quips about the most foregrounded elements, the obvious and viewer-friendly takeaways, how annoying the fans are, and so on. the kind of things where once theyre said the conversation dies and you can’t see past them. the piece you were just engaging with and trying to draw your own meaning from becomes “that thing with the thing”, forever. meaningful criticism and context should further the conversation, not terminate it.

]

what i wanted to conclude mostly was that i think this experience of novelty could be replicated for any piece of art that has an interest in existing on its own and who has a viewer with the patience and acceptance to see it exactly as it is without outside interference.

this was fun to write! its often much easier for me to speak about what i hate rather than what i love. half of this being diatribe proves that. hopefully the lead isn’t so buried. lovely concert!

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peppersmile · 4 months

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my personal blog tagging habits post

i dont know who this post is for but i have the feeling of if i dont explain myself i will go crazy so here is a long rambling post about the way i tag things on tumblr dot com

i like to tag things by post type because looking for a post via the archive layout is sometimes a lot harder than being able to scroll down each and every post. also just fun to go through stuff like #vid or #audio every now and then

on my old blog i would tag based on the actual post type because it was easier to tell if something was made in a text post or not with the old tumblr layout. so text posts with images were still #txt. in the time between having my old blog and remaking to this blog it became much easier to embed pics, audio, videos, etc so now i tag based on type of content even if it's a text post. also sometimes i would go looking for a post knowing it had an image but got confused if i should look in #txt or #pic

i manually tag all of this btw. i tried using xkit for it but it was wanting to tag all posts as #txt no matter what so i gave up. it's just an extra second anyway

all quote, link, and chat posts are considered part of #txt (unless they have an image etc)

tagging by content hierarchy goes #vid > #audio > #pic > #txt

tagging #gif is a holdover from the olden days back before we had extensions with accessibility options that would prevent gifs from autoplaying and people asked for gifs to be tagged to block them with tumblr savior. but it's just fun to go through my #gif tag anyway

speaking of which im not entirely sure what the tag people like to use/block flashing imagery is anymore. wayyyyy back in like 2012 there was a movement to stop using just #epilepsy as it was clogging up the tag for people wanting actual resources on epilepsy so it was agreed upon to use #epilepsy warning instead as it would show up as a different separate tag. but then the search function changed meaning things tagged as #epilepsy warning would show up in the #epilepsy tag since they had the same word in it. i assume #flashing is the best one

generally i'll tag by media name if it's something id like to go back and look at. i'll reblog posts with mario in it but i dont care enough to have a #mario tag. stuff like that

most of my miscellaneous tags like #good #awesome #holy shit etc are just whatever and more vibes based than anything. but sometimes it's fun to go back and look at posts that have the #good tag

but i will say specifically my #smile tag tends to be half posts about just being happy rainbows etc and half posts about love and joy from the past. a lot of times it's photos of peoples pets that have definitely passed since then and i just find it nice to smile at this persons pet they loved 20 years ago today. also nice memories of people happy or helping out etc

#a is for posts i would have on an ""aesthetic"" blog but i like reblogging stupid shit here too so whatever. consider it stands for "art" "aesthetic" "a nice thing to look at" whatever

#classic is generally fav posts from 2016 or earlier. posts that shook the world from times of ould

i dont know how to end this post thanks for reading

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anxious-allie-ren · 3 years

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Miscalculation

Hey cuties! So, I have started writing fanfiction! I have been posting on both AO3 and Wattpad. Both links are in my linktree in my bio! But, I’d like to share my first one-shot here. Let me know what you all think!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Let's be honest, The Finalizer is boring.

Not a, "Oh, it's a calm day with nothing to do, kind of boring." But more like, "I'm trapped on a steel death ship in the vacuum less mass of space" kind of boring.

Okay maybe that's because you are trapped. You have been trapped for what feels like months. In reality, it's been a few weeks and you're really close to going insane.

It was a small error that landed you here. A tiny miscalculation that landed you on the path of Snoke's little apprentice. Should you have double checked to make sure you had enough fuel to get back to D'Qar? Yes. Did you? No. Instead you waste your credits on some shitty fried food at the docking station on Coruscant and take off. This leaves you stranded on Jakku. Luck was clearly on your side that day because this was the exact day Snoke's dog sent his bitches out on a mission. There you are, in your X-Wing with what seems like the biggest bullseye on you.

It doesn't take them long to sniff you out. You're ripped out of the cockpit by a knight in an all black mask with long shields placed on either side. The knight drops you to the ground and you can immediately see you're outnumbered. Six large armored men have circled you. Okay, so the blaster you're pointing at the one who man-handled you probably wasn't going to do shit. But that doesn't stop you from holding your ground.

"I am not afraid to shoot. I will blast you all right now."

This earns a chuckle from the group. That first knight speaks up.

"You're stranded on this sand pile with no fuel. I doubt you have enough plasma to shoot half of us."

You huff at his comment but stand your ground, keeping the blaster pointed at him.

"Trudgen, just grab her and let's get back to the mission. Master can decide what to do with her."

You take note of that fucker's name as two of the other knights haul you up by your arms roughly. You're dragged to the ugliest ship you've ever seen in your life and thrown in a dingy compartment.

"We'll be back rebel scum. Don't try anything." Trudgen said as he placed your blaster on his belt. Not like he has enough weapons strapped to his body or anything. You roll your eyes and try to sit in a spot that isn't covered in dust.

"No promises."

And that's how you ended up on the Finalizer. You made the journey here hell for the knights. You did eventually learn the rest of their names after eavesdropping on their conversations. When you arrived Vicrul and Ap'lek placed your hands in binders and led you to an interrogation room. After you were strapped into the interrogation chair the knights made their way to leave.

"Uh, excuse me? Where the fuck are you guys going? You can't just strapped me in to this stupid chair, way too tightly might I add, and then leave without saying anything!"

Vicrul and Ap'lek share a look and then turn towards you.

"We aren't the ones interrogating you, scum. Master is interested in you." Vicrul says, shrugging his shoulders.

"I have no idea why. Not much to be interested in." Ap'lek mutters as he turns to leave again.

You rolled your eyes as both knights leave the room. So you would be getting the honor of meeting Snoke's apprentice. Wonderful. From what you learned being in the Resistance, Kylo Ren was an overgrown toddler with a laser sword. So the likelihood of you coming out of this interrogation alive was small.

You probably sit strapped to that stupid chair for hours before Commander Ren decides to stroll on in. He comes through the door swiftly, feet pounding on the ground loudly. He stops in front of you and gives you a quick once-over. The mask finally meets your eyes.

"Are we just going to stare at each other? Or are we going to get this over with?"

Kylo ball his hands into fists and begins to circle the interrogation chair.

"I don't think you are in any position to ask questions right now. What were you doing on Jakku?"

"Your little boy band didn't fill you in already? I got stranded on that shitty planet. Didn't exactly go there by choice."

He stops in front of you again.

"And why did you get stranded?"

You immediately think back to your little error. You feel even more stupid looking back on it. Admitting to it is not something you were looking to do right now. What the fuck was the point of this? Was he really just going to ask you trivial questions? You figured Snoke would have taught him better than this if he's really so powerful.

Kylo leans down quickly, grabbing the sides of the chair by your head. The sudden movement makes you jump, wrists smacking against the restraints.

"I can hear all of your thoughts. It would be wise to watch what you think. Now answer the question."

Of course he can hear your thoughts. He's a fucking force user. Rookie mistake on your part really. But the idea of him actually hearing every thought you think does unnerve you.

"I ran out of fuel. Had to make an emergency landing, okay? Is that answer good enough for you?"

Kylo finally leans back up. He stares down at you and even though he's wearing that stupid fucking mask you can just tell he's got a judgemental look on his face.

"What kind of pilot runs out of fuel?"

You begin to argue back but he stops you.

"Not a very good one. A good pilot would have checked that they had enough fuel to get to their next destination. A good pilot wouldn't have spent all of their credits."

"Listen you fu-"

"A good pilot would have landed near a fueling station, not in the middle of nowhere. But I guess that's my point. You aren't a good pilot. Another useless member of the Resistance. So breaking you down is going to be easier than I thought."

All you could do was stare at him. He read your thoughts. He already knew everything. He wanted to embarrass you, make you feel small. It worked for a second. But if you were going to die today, you weren't going to give him the satisfaction of seeing your embarrassment.

You square your jaw and look right into the eyes of his mask.

"That's where you're wrong, buddy."

Kylo leans down so his mouthpiece is by your ear and whispers, "We'll see about that, little one."

He stands back up and stomps out of the room quickly. Leaving you feeling shocked, angry, and oddly aroused.

____________________________

So to everyone's surprise you did not die that day. Instead Kylo had you placed in a cell and that's where you've been for weeks. Stormtroopers come and feed you or take you to a refresher to bathe. Commander Ren has stopped by a few times since your original meeting. Nothing much has come of those ones either. Mostly him staring at you and asking trivial questions. Which just agitates you.

You can't seem to figure him out. He hasn't asked anything regarding the Resistance. What is the point of keeping you prisoner if he isn't going to get any useful information from you? It doesn't sit well with you.

When he doesn't visit you're left alone. Staring at the same four walls does get boring eventually. You've taken to sitting near the door and trying to listen to the stormtroopers conversations. Sometimes bucket heads spill some interesting tea. You learned last week that General Hux once got a boner after getting choked by the Commander.

That's what you're doing currently. Listening to the chatter when you suddenly hear the distinct pounding of boots. The last you knew, the Commander was away on a mission with the knights. As the footsteps draw closer you move quickly to your feet and back away from the door. Kylo strides through the door, chest heaving and fists clenched. You can feel the anger rolling off of him. So you're guessing his little adventure didn't go so well.

His hand flies up quickly, using the force to choke you.

"How many times do I have to tell you to watch your thoughts?"

Okay, so he heard you. You really gotta work on monitoring that. Wouldn't want to be on the receiving end of a toddler tantrum.

Just as the thought crosses your mind you're dragged across the floor towards Kylo. Your toes just barely touching the ground as you move. His hand wraps around your throat and he leans his masked face down into your own.

"I've given you far too many warnings. Now you're going to be punished."

Your eyes go wide as you look up into the soulless mask. This is it. This is where you die. You're going to die at the hands of this fucker and even worse, you're turned on.

Kylo spins you around and pins you to the wall. He kicks your feet apart using his boot, shoving his knee between your legs. You feel his thigh rub against your core. It takes all your self control to stop yourself from grinding down on it. He can feel the arousal pouring from your body.

He pulls his hand from your neck and leans back.

"I'm afraid you're enjoying this too much, little one."

You take a deep breath to steady yourself, to no prevail of course. You can feel your heart hammering in your chest. But the anger from this whole situation has begun to build. You're sick and tired of being in this cell. You're enraged by his trivial fucking questioning. And now, he's teasing you. You've had enough of it. You are not going to be his toy.

"I'm not enjoying anything. Im stuck in this stupid cell guarded by bucket heads. You've done nothing but ask me useless fucking questions. What is the point of this? Why keep me around if I have no use?"

You watch as he reaches up quickly and yanks the mask off. You weren't sure what you were expecting. But it wasn't that. When you imagined the Commander of the First Order, you pictured some burnt deformed old man. Not a hot ass guy with perfect fucking hair.

He throws the mask off to the side and glares down at you.

"You've certainly got a use and now you're going to fulfill it."

Suddenly, you feel the most glorious swirling against your clit. You gasp and try to squirm away from him. He pins you harder against the wall and begins kissing up your neck. You begin to feel the pressure building just as he starts to remove your shirt.

"Fuck, I don't know what you're doing. But don't stop." You pant out.

Just as the words leave your mouth the swirling stops.

"What the actual fuck?"

"You didn't think I'd just let you cum, did you? This is a punishment."

That is the final straw. You were so close to ecstasy. So close to release. You have had enough of this little twat. You collect yourself and use all the strength you can to push him away from you.

"Enough fucking games. I'm not some toy to be played with. Either show me the reason I'm still here or kill me already!"

Commander Ren is quick. If you weren't aware of his position, you'd think he was a bounty hunter with how fast he can move. So fast in fact, that he has you pinned face down on your shitty cot before you can think. You're bent over with your hands held in his fist behind you. You try to squirm but only end up grinding your ass back into him. Either that's his lightsaber or he's really excited to see you.

"Who is the general of the Resistance?"

The question catches you off guard. Why the fuck is he asking you his trivial questions now? Of all fucking times. He certainly knows the answer to this one, so what's the point of this?

You must have been stuck in your thoughts for too long, because a strong slap comes across your left ass cheek. The sound echoes throughout the tiny cell and you're certain the stormtroopers outside heard it.

"Answer the question."

"Uh, General Organa. She's your mom, right?"

Stupid response. He grabs a fist full of your hair and yanks your head back. He growls in your ear, "I would advise you shut the fuck up. Stop being a little brat and cooperate or this will only get worse."

Kylo releases your hair and holds you down with the force. He yanks down your pants, revealing your slick soaked panties to the room. Kylo looks down and smirks.

"You're drenched. Bent over and pussy wet for the enemy. What kind of pilot would do that?"

He lands another hard slap to your right cheek this time. Giving it a small kneed afterwards.

"Oh that's right. Not a very good one."

You try to move against the force hold but it's no use. He's got the upper hand here. But you're not going to let him degrade you like that.

"That's rich coming from Snoke's little bitch."

His fist is back in your hair and his other grabs your hip, pulling you back against him. He grinds himself into you and groans out, "You're going to regret that, little one."

Kylo pulls himself away enough to pull down your panties. You feel his gloved finger glide through your slick down to your bundle of nerves. You gasp and wiggle your hips back towards him trying to gain more friction.

"What is your squadron?"

Not this bullshit again. He's playing with your pussy and asking you these dumbass questions? He pulls his hand away and lands a slap to your pussy, causing your legs to shake.

"I hate repeating myself, so answer the fucking question."

Your head is spinning and your pussy is clenching around nothing. You have no clue what the point of these questions are but you'll do anything to get him to touch you again.

"Blue Squadron! Fuck."

Kylo's hand comes back to you, this time bare. He begins rubbing slow circles around your nub, applying the perfect amount of pressure.

"Now that's a good girl. Keep answering your Commander and you'll get rewarded."

"You're not my fucking commander." You gasp as he inserts two thick fingers into your needy hole. "My commander is Poe Dameron."

You realize what you've said after it's too late. It's not exactly classified information. But it's certainly not something you should be sharing with the enemy. You've got to get it together if you're going to make it through this little visit.

"Dameron, hm? Interesting."

You hear the sound of his belt buckle and zipper coming undone. He releases his long, girthy cock from the confines of his pants. It lands on your ass as Kylo grabs hold of both your hips.

"Are you ready for your punishment? I'm going to destroy this little cunt."

You arch your back, pushing your ass up. "I really doubt that. But you can try."

With our warning, Kylo buries his whole length in your wet heat. You gasp as he knocks the air out of your lungs, taking you by surprise. He begins thrusting into you at a slow pace, taking his time. You can feel every glorious inch of him, from tip to hilt.

You moan out and wiggle your hips, trying to get him to speed up. "If you're going to punish me, you'll have to try harder than this."

He snarls at your comment, squeezing your hips and picking up the pace. The little cell is filled with the sounds of your breathy moans, his grunts, and skin slapping. You get so lost in the pleasure you nearly miss him speaking to you.

"Where is the Resistance base?"

You almost answer. You almost let that information slide, forgetting where you are and whose cock is buried inside you. But then it all clicks. He's trying to distract you for information. Nice fucking try Commander Cunt.

"Fuck off."

Kylo grunts and releases one of your hips to instead grab a fistful of your hand. He yanks your head back and forces your back to arch further, making his cock reach deeper inside your pussy. Kylo begins pounding into you, each thrust hitting your sweet spot.

"Where the fuck is the Resistance base?"

Your moans are loud at this point. You couldn't care less about the stormtroopers outside hearing you. This all feels too good. But you aren't going to give in to him this easy. The resistance is counting on you. You are not some weak pilot that gives in to this moody bitch.

"Fuck. Off." You moan out in response.

Kylo's other hand leaves your hip and snakes down your front. He begins rubbing fast circles against your clit. You scream as you feel the pressure beginning to build again.

"Tell me where the fucking base is, pet."

You scream out in pleasure and frustration. You're so close. Just teetering on the edge. You so badly want to let go. So you crack.

"Fuck! Fine! D'Qar! The resistance base is on D'Qar! Please just let me come! Please!"

Kylo smirks, knowing he's won. He picks up the pace on your clit and groans out, "That's right, now be a good girl and cum all over my cock."

That was all you needed. You screamed in ecstasy, "Yes, fuck Kylo!"

Your pussy clenched around him as you came, your juices covering him. Kylo grunted, fucking you through your orgasm.

Soon after you came down from your high, you felt his cock twitch inside you. Kylo quickly pulled out of you and yanked you up by your hair.

"On your knees and mouth open, rebel bitch."

You quickly dropped to your knees and did just as he said, closing your eyes. Kylo pumped his cock over your face, using your slick and cum as lube. He threw his head back and let out a feral groan. Strings of his milky seed covering your face.

Once he was finished, you swallow what had gotten in your mouth and began wiping the rest off your face, licking it from your fingers. Fuck he tastes delicious. When you could finally open your eyes, he was already by the door. He had tucked himself away and put his glove back on. Kylo grabbed his helmet and looked back at you.

"Just as I thought. You're a useless Resistance member. So easy to destroy."

You sit there stunned by his words, letting everything that had just happened sink in.

"It has been fun breaking you, little one."

With one last look, Kylo places his helmet back on his head and walks out of the cell.

You stare at the door and replay his words. Maybe you were a shitty Resistance member. Others probably wouldn't have broken that easily, or at all. But with some of his cum drying on your face and a satisfied feeling, you can't find it in you to care.

You're secretly hoping Commander Ren needs more information. You might come to enjoy his little visits.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I hope everyone enjoyed! If you all are interested, I can post on here more. Let me know!

#firstorder #kyloren #kylo x reader #Kylo #kylo ren x you #resistance #fanfiction #starwars #oneshot #smutty #smutty one shot #smutty fanfiction

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straighttohellbuddy · 3 years

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now i’m thinking of htlgi!corpse saying that line to tubbo in the game but demon!reader is like “hell says no, not today. he’s too precious. you on the other hand….” and tubbo is just giggling because whilst he loves the joke he secretly enjoys demon!readers protective nature around him when they’re gaming. -🐈‍⬛

The idea that htlgi!reader & corpse have lowkey adopted half of the clingy duo each is delightful because all I can think is considering their online personas

"My son Tubbo is getting tested for the gifted program at his school, and Corpse's son Tommy thinks his toothbrush is haunted."

Tho it could very easily be the other way around too lol.

But also reader tweeting this to Ranboo during his first mcc

I firmly believe the reader does not have an alt twitter account. It's because they're from the era of the internet where it was kind of all or nothing, but also their pinned tweet "no alt accounts you WILL read my 2am rants about cheese and them watch me self promo in the next tweet with no middle ground we die like men" (I love the chaotic stupid htlgi reader)

But back to reader & tubbo, can you IMAGINE how hard they'd hype that kid up after hearing Life By The Sea???? THEY'D BE SO PROUD!!! Absolutely on the STREAM LIFE BY THE SEA train.

Also, we've established that Corpse and Reader teaming up in games is terrifyingly competent or chaotic stupid, but if Reader and Tubbo were ever teamed up they would probably be absolutely unstoppable. Like the reader is v protective of anyone younger than them, especially teenagers because they know what it's like to be online and in the spotlight at that age, but teaming up with Tommy or Ranboo for games isn't the same as it is with tubbo. Reader works well with them and there's good BantzTM but I feel like with tubbo, and yes I'm projecting here, the reader unlocks like, a new level of competency from Sudden Onset Opposite Cain Instinct. The reader doesn't really play enough minecraft to be considered for MCC, but there's a joke that surfaces after a few streams with Reader and Tubbo on the same team for various games, that if the reader was teamed with tubbo for MCC they would somehow win out of spite.

But also I love the idea of the reader being their friends' biggest hypeman. Unashamedly supportive on every platform, incredibly outspoken. YouTubers and traditional celebrities alike.

tweets posted within 24hrs:

Reader tweeting "ITS NOT A TATBILB SOUNDTRACK IF I DONT ABSOLUTELY GO OFF FOR AT LEAST 3 MINUTES WHILE @NoahCent AND @lanacondor MAKE ME BELIEVE IN LOVE 🥰🥰🥰" during his Always And Forever live blog. The chain that follows:

@NoahCent: ITS NOT TATBILB WITHOUT YOU

@YourTwitter: YOU KEEP SAYING NICE THINGS IM GONNA WRITE A SONG ABT U MY DUDE

@NoahCent: 👀 don't tease me like that

@YourTwitter: next time I'm in Miami I'll serenade u

@NoahCent: that better be a promise

AND THEN THE READER TWEETING "@slimesicles first dsmp stream is the only thing that matters actually 🥰💚" at 3am and then immediately replying to themselves "he has bones of dubious origins and I love him"

Then tweeting at 2pm the next day "sometimes I think about the fact that I just got to watch @Corpse_Husband stand in the middle of his kitchen and eat cereal out of a saucepan because neither of us can be bothered to wash dishes and I'm genuinely overwhelmed with love." and then "Its so dumb and sappy but I feel like I've got more of a crush on him now than before we were dating. Hes so cool and talented, do you think he likes me? 😳👉👈" (and three minutes later they post "he read my tweets and muttered 'we are in the timeline god abandoned'. I think he likes me. We're washing the dishes now 😍")

The reader just having so much love in their heart but absolutely refusing to be normal about it. I could bang on forever about the reader not understanding how big they are in the real world and somehow always being shocked when celebrities they haven't directly worked with respond to their tweets ---

@YourTwitter: @TheRock notice me senpai

@TheRock: 👀 You called?

@YourTwitter:

Reader is peak "pure of heart, dumb of ass" when they want to be. They play up some of it, as it's almost always been a part of their persona when they're not actively spiralling. But also they're not Stupid; chaotic is often mistaken for being stupid, but they're smart enough to have gotten where they are.

The reader casually and precisely tearing apart and disproving malicious rumours about their friends on stream without looking away from whatever game they're playing. offhandedly alluding to the fact that they havea scarily detailed understanding of how and why their friends are successful, both from a YouTube and a general entertainment industry standpoint. Hearing their friends in an Among Us lobby talking about old YouTube trends from around 2013, and the reader going quiet as they start talking about a very specific one that everyone else nostalgically remembers watching, and the reader quietly pipes up "I started that one" and the way every else remembers at the same time that theyre Old YouTube Famous, like "I've been on this site longer than Markiplier, only by a month and a half but still" Old YouTube Famous, "I've forgotten more collabs that I've been in than you have had collabs" Old YouTube Famous.

If they could bother having an ego, they'd be insufferable. I love them. Very Choose Joy mentality instead 🥰

#black cat anon #htlgi #your local homosexual with no chill

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perhapsthanatos · 3 years

Text

10:32 pm with yuta ♡

nct’s yuta x fem!reader (got inspired by a dream of mine & found the idea really cute)

alternate title: be the james dean to my audrey hepburn

genre: fluff. a pinch of angst. non idol au. badboy!yuta au.

word count: 1400~

playlist: chinatown by wild nothing, lover’s rock by tv girl & work this time by king gizzard and the lizard wizard.

warnings: featuring johnny (not a warning though). smoking cigarettes. cursing. lowercase intended. not proofread.

a/n: hi i was supposed to post a vampire!haechan fic but i really wasnt happy w it in general :( the plot or overall idea of the fic was really good, but i just felt as if i didnt do it justice so here we are :( but ngl, i kind of like this concept more? maybe bc i can see it more vividly? idk, i feel like my writings r getting repetitive & its getting on my nerves lmaoo this is getting long im sorry do u guys even read this part anyway? i would also like to apologize abt the amount of projecting im doing lmao ive been having some rough days & i love my sister but hate being compared to her so often so this is a way for me to rant abt it ig? also so sorry its coming out a little later bc i woke up late today (& procrastinated for the rest of it so here i am posting really late at night) & decided to go to the convenience store to get ice cream (& a ton of other bad shit pls dont do this its rlly unhealthy) for breakfast bc i can :) any who, enjoy lovelies <3

“oh my, y/n! you’ve grown up so well! just like your sister!”

“oh! i’m sorry i’ve almost mistaken you for your sister! y/n is your name, correct?”

“y/n, darling, you are looking so dashing! you really do resemble your sister, don’t you?”

“ah, you must be y/n! i’ve heard all about you and your sister from your father!”

you swear that your reddening cheeks are threatening to fall off any moment now from all the fake smiling. the hundreds of superficial compliments, the insincere flattery and the need for these people to constantly compare you to your godforsaken sister makes you feel even weaker than you are. it gets harder and harder to keep up with a big persona that isn’t at all you. as lucky as you are to live such a lavish lifestyle, you can’t help but hate how your family has to be so perfect. you hate how you have never fit in with them, even if you are so good at faking it. you hate how you have always been stuck in your sister’s shadow, constantly haunted with the reminder that you yourself aren’t good enough. you hate how you now have to entertain the rich and brainless guests at your parent’s gala because she’s gone for some stupid prodigy competition and everyone is only talking about her in front of your face. so what if she’s better the better sister? you still have the right to earn respect, right?

you’re exhausted from all the small talk. your facade gets more brittle by the second under all the pressure. your body feels as if it's gonna give out due to your brain shutting down after all that interacting. you try to keep on going with the night as it unravels itself by being the perfectly poised poster child, trying to make your parents proud. but alive yet almost completely devoid, you decide enough was enough. what if you left right now? no one would notice, would they?

after pulling up your phone discreetly to send a few text messages, you pass through lots of people dressed in gold and finery in a way that wouldn’t have you noticed right away. keep your head down and don’t you dare make eye contact with anyone. nearing the end of the room, grabbing the first glass of whatever alcohol you see and downing it in one gulp, you start walking away as quickly as possible from the ballroom. “ignorant privileged fucks,” you angrily whisper to no one in particular, setting the now empty glass on whatever surface and begin to head to the main exit where no one could spot you running away.

“and what do you think you’re doing here, miss?”

a voice interrupts you, looking up you see that it is your father’s head butler; johnny. he is dressed in a simple black suit that makes him appear taller than he is. his long brown hair is slicked back and his bowtie seems brand new. you have known the man since he started working in your household less than ten years back. you were a reckless child, often trying to find ways to sneak out, finding a way to escape from this life and he sympathized with you. after all, he could barely imagine living your life, never catching a break for yourself and always pretending to be someone you weren’t. he often helped planning when you would sneak out into the night, scheduling things like what time you should leave and what time you should be back, more specifically a time when no one would notice. he would take care of your form of transportation and have your location on at all times, just to be extra safe. as much as he wants you to have fun and have a bit of freedom, he still worries that something might happen to you. because of all this, you two have grown to have a very strong bond. you could confidently say that he is most definitely a parental figure in your life since your parents (and even your sister) are often overseas for work.

“what do you think i’m doing? you think i wanna be in a room with those half-baked bipeds? fuck no!”

“i know, i was just joking. you looked like you were about to explode in there, i wish i could help.” he laughs, pulling out his phone preparing what you might need. “so what will it be for today? the driver? we just need to pay him to keep his mouth shut. a taxi? it’s cheaper than paying the driver, but you still need to pay… not like that’s a problem for you though. maybe an uber would be good enough—“

“actually, i got myself covered. thanks.”

his jaw slightly drops and his eyebrows furrow. he looks straight at you in shock. “what do you mean you got yourself covered?”

you look down at your feet, a nervous habit. “i got myself a ride, you don’t need to help me. i’ll be back as soon as dawn comes.”

he raises his eyebrow. “who’s your ride?”

“doesn’t matter,” you glance down at your phone seeing a notification and wave a goodbye, leaving rather suddenly. “i gotta go, i’ll text you when you need to open the gates!”

“y/n! wait! who’s your ride— and she’s gone.” johnny sighs, watching as you run towards the front gates, tossing your stiletto heels away on the grass while you’re at it. he heads back inside, silently hoping you’ll be fine.

knocking the window of the old black mustang parked outside behind the big bushes, the driver rolls down his window and sends the most charming smile.

yuta in his black beanie, long blonde hair, worn out doc martens, signature leather jacket and black skinny jeans. it almost makes you laugh on how he wears the same thing almost everyday but still manages to look so good.

he is most notable for having a big bad boy reputation and you knew that he was the breath of fresh air you needed in your life. a person who can understand having the pressure of having to be or to fulfill your persona. a person you can completely be yourself around. a person who is full of warmth no matter how cold he may seem on the outside.

“get in, princess.”

and that was all you needed. you tiredly walked to the other door and sat yourself in the car. rolling his window back up, he looks at you. you are wearing a simple yet stunning black dress along with silver jewelry adorned on your neck and wrists. your makeup is perfectly done but still struggles to hide the fog in your eyes. he has the sudden urge to clear them away. he softens at the sight of you. no one is perfect, but he finds you being perfect enough without ever having to dress up.

“where to?” he asks as gently as he could. he knows that you are most vulnerable during these moments and that it is hard to finally break down your walls after a day full of stress, so he doesn’t pry immediately. all he wants to do is to keep you here, safe and away from your burdens and for you to stay comfortable with him, even if it couldn't be for long. but is that too selfish of him to ask? he hates how you hate your life and it is taking every bone in his body to not run away with you. but who is he to tell you what to do or what to change anyway? all he can do for now is try to find a way to make you genuinely smile.

“take me anywhere,” you whisper to the latter. “i just want to be as far from myself and my life as possible. miles away or the nearest convenience store, just take the long way home before dawn.”

you look down at the cup holders, spotting an open cigarette box. you tug one out of the nineteen and light it with the lighter you kept in your pocket. you lean back and close your eyes. he only admires as you bring the cigarette to your lips, exhaling a cloud of smoke afterwards. letting the radio play quietly, he starts the car and begins to drive away from the mansion. he can’t help but wonder how you (an elegant daughter) and him (a bad boy) are millions of worlds apart, but more similar than you think.

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x688plsloveme · 4 years

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Im on mobile so idk how old the post was but could you do how the fo4 companions feel about cuddles ? Im in a fluffy mood lol

It's chill, it was only earlier today. And sorry in advance if this wasn't what you were aiming towards, I'm not a huge cuddler lol

Ada: Doesn't care one way or the other, although she gets why humans like it so she lets her new friends do it. Physical affection that she does like are pats. Jackson would often do it when he was proud of her. Which was basically all the time. She tries to do it to Sole once in a bout of nostalgia and was quickly reminded how much softer humans are than her.

Cait: Is a tad touch repulsed from all her bad experiences so isn't one for cuddling. The way she shows affection is a slap on the back or a punch to the shoulder. Do the same to her and she'll lay you flat - a fact everyone learned pretty quickly (thanks Deacon). She's only tender with those she truly holds near and dear to her heart. Once she does open up, she's great for it. She likes to hold more than be held. But who would complain with the muscles she has though?

Codsworth: Physically cannot cuddle, but that won't stop Sole from hugging him. He deeply appreciates them.

Curie: Definitely a chronic cuddler. She wants to experience every new thing she can, especially with all her new senses. She'll curl up with anybody that will let her and doesn't have a favourite cuddle position yet. One of two people brave (stupid) enough to directly ask Strong for cuddles.

Deacon: The king of casual touch right there. Him and Hancock get along well. He is 100% the clingy friend and will bother whoever he feels a shred of affection towards until they agree. Whether it's big spoon, little spoon, tangled limbs, or just an arm, he'll get whatever affection he can. He likes to know that the people he loves are still there beside him.

Dogmeat: BRING! ON!! THE CUDDLES!!!!!! A cute puppy like him deserves all the attention and he knows it. Is not afraid to use puppy eyes to get cuddles.

Danse: A tad touch starved. Almost cries everytime someone cuddles with him. He can't believe it because that nagging voice in the back of his head still calls him a monster and he tends to believe it. Almost everyone likes to cuddle with him though cause. Well. He's Big™. Big arms for nice holding. Giant bara tiddies for laying. And is always warm. Plus this way they can help him accept himself more so it's a win win.

Gage: He doesn't mind one way or another but is touched with the gesture all the same. It's not often raiders would cuddle each other after all. Very casual. Pretty much does whatever the other person wants to do. "Lay on your back." "Okay." lays down on him like he's another layer of the couch "Here's a book." "Thanks." And that's that.

Hancock: He's too impatient for actual drawn out cuddles. He likes general skin ship quite a lot though. Whether it's an arm around his friend while walking, a quick hug, or even friendly kisses on the cheek, he's fine with it all. It isn't until he finds someone he truly loves that he'll actually want to sit still and cuddle. Just to bask in his own "sunshine."

Longfellow: Very gruff, does not like people. Cuddles are a big no no. He will, however, ruffle people's hair a lot in the kind way only grandpa's could.

MacCready: He's small enough that cuddles with him feel like wrapping oneself around a cat. They do what they want or they leave but are very cute if settled, much like Mac. He doesn't do it often with how little he trusts people though. When it comes to his son and remembering how little he was hugged as a child, he makes sure Duncan gets plenty of cuddles.

Piper: She's pretty casual about touch as well so she gives out cuddles frequently. Whoever sits next to her will eventually have, at bare minimum, an arm around their shoulders before ten minutes has passed.

Preston: Sunshine boy has trust issues but is also touch starved so as soon as he makes a close friend, he's stuck to them like glue. Even worse if he's dating them. Wants to be touching at all times so he knows they're with him and not going anywhere any time soon.

Strong: There are only two people he hasn't immediately bludgeoned to death when they touched him. Sole, and Curie. The doctor had to sometimes to heal his wounds (with no little amount of complaining from him), but he also thought she was acceptable enough to sate her curiosity when it came to supermutants. He thought she was nice and small enough to not bother him, so he doesn't mind her. Sole explained a concept called "love languages" to him and told him that their main one was physical touch, so cuddles just means that they like him. He thinks being accepted by a cool and smart warrior like Sole in that way is rad as hell.

Valentine: Isn't a fan. Especially with the body he has. Though every one in awhile, if he's in a good enough mood and they (sole, Deacon, Curie, piper) pester him enough, he'll layer himself in clothes and let them cuddle. He can't help but feel fond. The fact that they try so hard to show their affection even if it's inconvenient with his body is very heart warming.

X6-88: He's about as touched starved as a person can get. He wasn't shown a lot of affection at the institute, let alone cuddles. In the Wasteland, with Sole, there are people who would love to buddy up more with him, but mutual distrusts keeps them away too. He thinks he only needs Sole anyway and is perfectly fine with only cuddling them. He's uncomfortable doing it with others near though, so he waits until they're completely alone. He's very affectionate when alone. Eventually, he warms up to some of the others and they get their fair share of cuddles as well. Curie and Deacon show themselves to be commendable.

Any sfw headcanons for any fallout character!

#it's in a different format cause you said all of em #in my opinion #based on what i like in a good cuddle #the best ones would be #danse - deacon - curie - x6 #fallout 4 #hancock #nick valentine #deacon #dogmeat #fallout 4 companions #fallout curie #codsworth #old longfellow #porter gage #ada #cait #minexthree

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bigskydreaming · 4 years

Note

So, how far do you think Jasons booktastes goes? Is he like a hard-core classic fan or does it variate between his moods?

Absolutely the latter, IMO. I know there’s a tendency to lean hard into the idea that Jason’s just all about the classics, but I think overall we have a rather finite and white European and American skewed 'definition’ of what constitutes a classic in the first place, and you know me and my classist rantings.....unless you don’t but whatever, now you do, I’m personally leery of over-emphasizing Jason’s sophisticated reading palette or whatever as like, some kind of pushback against his otherwise lower-class origin because I don’t think its necessary. I mean who knows if that’s how its intended in any given specific situation, but I definitely feel like there’s a general undercurrent of that threaded through a lot of Jason’s depictions overall that I’m like ‘no thanks’ to.

I think Jason’s all over the place as a reader. His only defining characteristic as a reader IMO is that he’s a voracious one, and he reads anything and everything he can get his hands on, and finds something appealing and in new and different ways in every genre. I think as his skills develop as Robin and a detective, he hungrily reads mystery novels to see how quickly he can figure out who did it. I think he reads true crime to try and solve it ahead of the book’s conclusions the same way we’ve seen Dick solve cases watching America’s Most Wanted.

I think before traveling was an option for Jason, living with Bruce, he enjoyed travel guides/pieces and nonfiction, to get a sense of places far away from Gotham. I think once he was living with Bruce and encountering colleagues of his dad’s who were literally from other planets and had advanced technology and magic, he had a growing personal collection of fantasy and sci-fi books just so when he did get a chance to join Bruce when he was around other heroes he could be like “okay I read in this one book where they did this spell are there any real spells like that huh huh?” or “so in this one series they had a spaceship that could do this do you know of any spaceships that are like that like could that be real?” I think he loves mythology because a) he’s gay duh and b) Diana is an actual Amazon, like why wouldn’t you love mythology when you could fact-check Edith Hamilton against an actual Amazon it just makes sense.

I think he’s got shelves full of old-school dimestore pulp fiction novels, the long-running series kinds, because he doesn’t think cheap equals bad and also they’re just fun. And also also, he loves the serialized nature of a lot of works because one of the biggest evidences of stability in his young life, before ADITF, like, one of the things that finally got him thinking like wow this is like how I live now huh, was the realization that when before, the unpredictable nature of his life meant he kinda just had to read things in one go and not count on ever being able to follow up on them, like......when living with Bruce, he suddenly just realized one day that like, all those series that have so many more books in them than I could ever read in one go, the kind of things you’re meant to RETURN to, to follow along over periods of months and years.....I can do that now, here.

And even after his return as the Red Hood, once he slowly started settling into his new life and put his focus not just towards reacting to his trauma but trying to build beyond that again and have actual hobbies, interests, etc.....one of the biggest evidences to him that he could do that, be more than JUST the Red Hood, was literally no different from when he first had that epiphany living with Bruce. When he looked into all those series that he perhaps never got to finish, or that were still ongoing when he was killed, and found an unexpected continuity in the reminder and awareness that they were still out there, waiting for him to finish them, that they were still being published, available for him to catch up......that his life had ended, but then he came back so maybe it was more just interrupted. That so many things are different now from how they were before, but some things are still the same, that he’s so different now but in some ways he IS still the same.

Like yeah, sure, I do think he’s got plenty of Jane Austen on his shelves, but he’s also got Octavia Butler and Ursula K. LeGuin and Mary Shelley not once but twice....nah let’s go wild and make it five times....cuz I think he’s got very specific SYSTEMS for how his books are arranged, one of those particular things that arose from the awareness that he actually COULD be particular about his books, that it was entirely up to him......and once he found out that Frankenstein’s Monster existed he was like okay but is the book based on that or was that based on the book, did art imitate life or did life imitate art I HAVE TO KNOW IF IT GOES IN FICTION OR NON-FICTION! And so Alfred and Bruce and Dick and Barbara all had the same idea of like, why not both, both is good, and gave him an extra copy and so he ended up with like five copies of Frankenstein.

Also, literally every time he ends up with a case or aware of a case where vampires or werewolves or aliens or gods are involved, you can find a whole new section of fiction and nonfiction on the related subject in his room, and he’s scribbled all throughout the margins like LOL WELL THIS ISNT RIGHT and NOPE GOT THIS WRONG and IF THIS AUTHOR WAS ALIVE TODAY I WOULD TELL THEM RIGHT TO THEIR STUPID FACE ABOUT HOW NOT ACCURATE THEIR SAFETY PROTOCOLS FOR DEALING WITH VAMPIRES ARE LIKE THATS THE LAST TIME I BRING GARLIC TO A VAMPIRE FIGHT AND THINK IM DOING ANYTHING BUT SMELLING LIKE A TASTY PASTA FLAVORED TREAT, LIKE THANKS FOR NOTHING YOU ABSOLUTE HACK.

(Also I think Jason thinks Poe’s a pretentious boor, mostly because I find it funny to script scenes in my head where Jason just goes OFF about various authors and his Opinions on them, but he still likes his stuff for the mood and is like DONT @ ME, IM COMPLICATED, but this is entirely because of an old personal headcanon of mine where like, the frequent references to the gothic nature of Gotham tied to Jason’s very Gothammite nature resulted in my brain doing a What If where Jason either post-Robin-where-he-didn’t-die or even post-Red Hood picks a raven themed ensemble and calls himself something like Nevermore, and is like, Caw Caw, Im Gotham, Bitch).

In summation, I think Jason is eclectic as hell, and like, if its a book, and he’s got the time, he’s gotta read it because duh, that’s just the law of the jungle, he’s like lololol what there’s a book and I’m just what, just not going to read it? That’s what you think? LMAO that makes no sense you sound so dumb right now.

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snaill-dragon · 3 years

Text

Say Hello to Tomorrow

aha! I rewrote this piece like I talked about! thats two writings in one day(here's the other if you haven't seen it)! for those who don't remember Bleedingheart, she's a silk/hive hybrid I made some pride art for during pride month, here's the link if you wanna check it out. Im actually super proud of this new one, and the old one, but still! also im posting this to Tumblr from my computer, so the formatting may not go funky this time!! Content warning for: Foul language from Hearts bad mouth, and uh, its not too obvious here, but general implications for Heart not having a great life(Dont worry this is generally a sweet piece, and things get better for her.). Also not a content warning really, but keep in mind Heart can be a little grouchy/mean at times.

It was late evening, when Bleedingheart found herself sitting alone on one of her hive’s balconies, staring out at the ocean quietly. She always came out to watch the sunset when she could, but she came a little early today, after all this would be her last one here. Behind her she could hear the hive busy away, but out here it was almost bearable, even if it was always annoying. Was a bit of quiet too much for her to ask for? She sighed and focused her gaze out to the horizon.

The ocean was usually dark and cloudy, shades of indigo otherwise seen in the night sky, but when it got closer to sunset it had a softer glow, as the sun's reflection shone. It glowed light blues and white, as the water pulled and crashed. It was nice, peaceful…

Eventually her thoughts drifted back to the dragons she had met today, her chance to escape. She wasn’t used to seeing dragons from the pyrrhian tribes, these ones were skywings, with odd reds and oranges that she wasn’t used to seeing on anything but silkwings, and the more occasional hivewing. They hadn’t been sure about her at first, but Heart had convinced the odd dragons she could be useful, and they had been willing to help her.

She was jared from her thoughts by the sound of approaching footsteps, she looked over, a hivewing was walking towards her. He was almost entirely black, with a few gold scales on his face and wings.

“Hey Honeycomb, do you need something?” she asked, and the taller hivewing sat next to her, wrapping his tail around his feet.

“I wanted to say goodbye.” He smiled at her, a bit nervously, Heart narrowed her eyes at him.

“Who told you I was leaving?” she asked,

“I’m… not going to tell you that, you still have enough time here to swear someone out, and you would definitely find a way to fit it into your schedule.” He provided, and she gave him a flat glare, though with a more playful feeling behind it.

“You're too nice for your own good, Comb. It's gonna get you fucked over one day.”

“Well, until that day comes, I’ll just hope everyone is nice back.”

“I find it annoying,” Heart dismissed, turning her tail around to lightly flick at his legs, as if to prove her point.

“Well, I know you wouldn’t do that to me, and you're a bit… different from the other dragons I know here.” He chuckled lightly, pushing her tail away a bit.

“Because I want to leave?” Heart asked, playing innocent.

“Because you can be a bit…” he paused, seeming a bit unsure of his wording, “uh, childish at times.”

“Oh, no need to mince words. I’m a self proclaimed immature bitch,” Heart jokingly sprawled her talons across her chest in mock pride, laughing loudly.

“H-heart, don’t be so loud, one of the dragonets could hear you.” He stuttered, Heart frowned.

“It's not like they’ll be seeing me again.” she says simply, and for a second there's silence, before Honeycomb asks

“Why are you leaving?”

“It's not obvious? I’m unhappy here. More than just unhappy I hate it here” Heart’s voice raised at the end, perhaps a bit too much, and she glanced around, they were still alone on the balcony.

“You always said that,” Honeycomb admitted, “but… I guess it never occurred to me that you'd want to leave.”

“Yeah, well, this is just something I’ve always known, if that makes any sense?” Heart looked back to the ocean, away from Honeycomb.

“Well-”

“Hey look,” she interrupts without care, “it’s finally sunset… it’s really beautiful.” Honeycomb followed her gaze, and found himself smiling a bit.

“Your last one, from here at least.” He whisper, Heart laughs a little again,

“I had the same thought earlier.”

“Hah” He lets out a small chuckle, before being a bit more serious again, “I can’t believe I may never see you again.”

“After tomorrow? Yeah, it's pretty unlikely we’ll see each other again.” Heart was looking out at the ocean still, but she could feel the tone shifting.

“I think it's brave of you, to go somewhere you want to be, to leave something you know behind.”

“You always see the best in things, its actually kind of annoying, especially when it isn’t true… but for real, thank you.”

“I think it’s less of me being an optimist, and you being a pessimist” Honeycomb tried to lighten things up again, and Heart made an amused scoff.

“Oh please, don’t act all knowing, we know its both” she joked, smiling.

“Always the kidder, Heart.” He tried to laugh too, but Honeycomb didn’t sound as happy. Heart finally turned to look at him, he was staring at his feet.

“...don’t worry, I’ll stop being a cause for such conflicting emotions tomorrow.” She muttered, a bit more aggressive than she wanted it to come out. He looked surprised,

“What? Oh, no you’re not a bad thing.”

“Honeycomb you are literally the only person in this hive who doesn't hate me, and that's only because you're an idiot.” Heart nudged him a little, and he looked at her again.

“Is that why you want to leave?” he asked, and her face fell even further.

“Not really. I just… I feel if I stay here I wont get anywhere… as fucking stupid and cheesy at it is, tomorrow brings me hope. The first bit of hope to go somewhere I want in life in a long long time.” Heart looked away from him again, she didn’t like feeling this open. But it was the last time she’d see Honeycomb, she owed him a little honesty.

“I don’t think it’s that stupid, it makes sense, you want a happy life. Thats a good thing Heart.” The hybrid scoffed, no amusement in it this time, Honeycomb reached out a talon to comfort her, but Heart stood up and moved away.

“Right… I’m gonna go get some sleep, tomorrows a big day.” She starts to walk away, slowly in case he had anything else to say.

“Sleep well Heart… I wish you luck in finding what you're looking for one day.”

“Hah, I can only hope...” She walked back into the hive, Honeycomb a few steps behind her, for the very last time.

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wouldnt-it-be-hilarious-if-i · 2 years

Text

5:42 am

*TW: discussion of antisemitism

currently listening to: smack a bitch by rico nasty

i woke up sweating like a damn pig because my fan broke a few weeks ago (it's so freaking hot) and because i had a dream about someone i know. i feel like my consciousness only caught the tail end of it, but it was enough to make me paranoid that i texted them in my sleep lol

anyway, i'm up now so whatever. i was thinking about fundamentalist christians before i fell asleep, and idk if it's just because of how much of a genuine pet peeve of mine antisemitism is. also pet peeve is a very, very bad word for what i mean but it's the best i've got. as someone who comes from a german family, i simply have no patience for it.

anyway, idk if it's be of how much of a genuine pet peeve of mine antisemitism is, or just because fundies tend to gravitate toward really pissing me off, but i cannot stand this time of year for one reason: christians who celebrate passover.

let me explain

so i have a huge hyperfixation on fundies, and i read about them a lot and follow them often because they just fascinate me. i "follow" this one family on social media (air quotes bc i mostly just look up their account, not follow) and the mom is like genuinely in need of help. also im not doxing her, she literally had thousands of followers and her following grows daily.

last year was her first year celebrating passover, and the fundie snark reddit forum was seething bc of the way she was behaving.

first of all, she said in her instagram post that there was "no right way to celebrate passover," and that there was "no book telling you how to do it." which, like, there LITERALLY is. it's called the haggadah. not that fucking hard to google. but i digress, this woman shouldn't even be allowed on the fucking internet she needs literal fucking help

then, she had the nerve to celebrate it POTLUCK style. like with a whole bunch of people from her home church, serving fucking lays potato chips and shit like this. literally nothing she served was kosher in any way

OH, OH, and she literally made the WHOLE thing about jesus

she said that passover is celebrating jesus as the sacrificial lamb

i just-

i literally added this entire fucking egregious display of 1). clear appropriation of a sacred jewish holiday and 2). stupidity to my 35 page google doc on things that make me actively lose faith in the jesus fandom (i grew up christian and still tenuously consider myself christian---i was catholic). i'm literally not joking. i have a very organized google doc of things that i think the church really needs to fucking address bc i'm so tired of christians doing shit like this

anyway, so the reason i'm talking about it all this year is because she's celebrating it again this year (as a lot of fundies are in place of easter since easter is a "pagan" holiday and these people want nothing to do with paganism. the passover seder is in the bible and this family only celebrates biblical feasts) and she made a post recently that just

why

here are a few of my personal 'favorite' quotes (when i say favorite, i mean i fucking hate everything about it, just to be clear):

"every year, jews condemn us for celebrating passover. they say it is 'their' holiday and 'christians' are taking it from them." bc it IS theirs, and you ARE actively participating in appropriating it. full stop.

"i don't understand this mindset. is the bible not for all people? are we not all created by god?" i-

"this command was for the israelites to pass down from generation to generation to remember how Yahuah delivered and saved them from egypt. it is to tell their children about the goodness of god. yet it also says that if a foreigner is living among them that they must celebrate as well. so if we are simply only following the old testament, as they do, it is still acceptable for 'foreigners' to choose to celebrate the holidays of god."

it gets worse

"we celebrate it today as christians with even greater meaning though. christ is our passover lamb. and our celebrations will not be intermingled with jewish traditions and customs but rather simple biblical intruction. and jesus said that there is no longer jew or gentile, male or female. we are all children of god (those that call upon the lord and trust christ as our savior) unified by christ."

words can't not express how angry this woman makes me

AND THE FACT THAT HER FOLLOWERS ON IG EAT THIS SHIT UPPPPPPPPPPP

let me just go ahead and make this clear as fucking day: these bastardized versions of Passover are inherently antisemitic. literally all you have to do is know how to fucking read to see that everything about her reasoning is disgusting, hateful, and violent. she literally just said that Jews aren't even supposed to exist because Jesus said that everyone is unified by Christ, so everyone is supposed to be christian. and then she spent a good chunk of the post complaining about being rejected by people for celebrating Passover

UM MAYBE BECAUSE YOU'RE BEING AN ENTIRE FUCKING CUNT ABOUT IT?

Jewish people are real people. They have real, honest, sacred traditions that have MEANING both historically and religiously. They are not playing pretend, they are not out to reject christian beliefs, they are not doing any of the nasty shit you think they are because of your nasty antisemetic beliefs about how jewish people behave and feel. They're literally honoring their religious beliefs, and begging you to just not do what you're doing. It's not that fucking hard to just respect other people.

At this point, i really really understand gatekeeping. i hope the people rejecting you spit on your nasty, unwashed, three-day eyeliner wearing, greasy once a month washed haired, drop-shipped boutique 'Alexa, homeschool the kids' t-shirt wearing bitch ass self. i literally hope that jesus himself looks at you after you die and goes, "no fucking way am i letting you in. are you fucking serious? what the hell was that?" i'm just so angry--like what the fuck is wrong with you? you are the furthest fucking thing from christ-like, i'll tell you that. you are a narcissitic bitch who knows DAMN FUCKING WELL that you are appropriating a fucking sacred event, and i know that because you've deleted every comment made by a jewish person on your stupid little "we love you more" t-shirt post about being rejected by others for this. it's not our holiday. it's not your holiday. you are a violent, nasty, godless piece of shit who will fight long and hard for a holiday that DOES NOT FUCKING BELONG TO YOU but won't take your fucking children to the doctor when they have broken fucking bones unless it's bothering you in some way, and even then you just fucking pray over them and pretend they're healed after.

FIND HELP.

If you want to experience a real passover seder, literally just do the work and find a jewish community willing to invite you (good fucking luck after this fucking mess tho, at this point just look it up on youtube honestly bc if i were jewish i wouldn't let you near my community with a 500 ft pole), and experience it not just correctly but respectfully. like are you fucking serious? you really want to sit there and fucking pretend that jesus would have WANTED that? that's literally hilarious of you to think considering 1). jesus was a jew himself 2). he literally flipped tables and shit when he saw the church fucking using sacred grounds for gambling and consumerism, you don't think he's going to be flipping tables at your little potluck when he sees you doing essentially the same thing to another group of people? jesus espoused love, and this is literally the exact opposite of that.

this literally infuriates me so much. and i hate that this woman and others like her are teaching their beautiful kids that this is okay, and acting like jewish communities who are hurt by this clear act of violence against their religion ARE JUST LIKE OVERREACTING OR SOMETHING? oh my god, it's on sight if i ever fucking catch some bullshit like this coming out of someone's mouth. i'm not joking. i'll lose it.

if you don't like easter, literally just say that and eat your bland boiled food, ok? go and pray or something and call it a day. but don't steal something that isn't yours, act like it is, and then get upset when everyone is like hey that's pretty fucked up of you, maybe don't do that?

anyway, if anyone ever wants to read my google doc on things that make me lose faith in Christianity lmk lol

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realityshiftingandblogging · 4 years

Text

My opinion on something in this community.

Okay, I know I said I’m avoiding opinions but I need to get this out before I continue with today fjsbfjsnsk. AFTER THIS IM TAKING A MENTAL BREAK FKSDBFSBF

Tw: Mention of respawning, death, suicide, toxic behavior, cursing and slight mention of abuse.

Heads up before I start, I want to say I am someone who believes it is possible to shift permanently and I also believe your physical body, in no way, can be affected by shifting unless you mean trauma wise because you shifted to somewhere not so mentally friendly and so on. I may change my belief depending on whether it has enough backing or makes sense, logically, to me. So if you’re reading this when i’ve changed my views then you can go “heeeeyyyyy old you” and move on from this post lmao. Anyway here we go!

This "permanently shifting is respawning" BOTHERS ME SO MUCH. I, personally, want to shift permanently because I see no future here, I have no interest here, I am not in a good home situation, and that SHOULD BE valid. To associate people who want to live a better life and live out their dreams in a safer form with something that isn't on the communities best side is going to . . .

1. Spread misinformation on the definition of respawning

-----------------

Ahem, and before I move on let's look at the definition

Respawn: (of a character in a video game) reappear after having being killed.

This could also relate to reincarnation. Let's check that definition too.

Reincarnation: the rebirth of the soul in a new body.

See also "reincarnation, also know as rebirth or transmigration of a living being begins a new life in a different physical form or body. "

----------------

2. Not only will it spread misinformation, those who hop on the "majority belief train" might spread hate towards those who really can't stand to be here.

⚠️ Permanent Shifting and Respawning are two different things. Respawning has no definite security that you will be in your DR, it's too risky. As for permanent shifting, you simply shift and stay. There is no harm to your body or anything and you can ALWAYS come back if you decide to, something respawners cannot do. Permanent Shifting and Respawning are two different things. Comparing those two is like saying shifting in general and Respawning are the same because they both involve leaving this reality. They arent, and you know it. Just because they both stay in their DR doesn't mean they are the same. If you disagree, I have an entire server and a lot of people to back me up that it is not the same. They all agree, it's two different categories. Permanent shifting isn't always permanent and you can come back, there's no harm to you or your body. Respawning isn't guaranteed, nor can you ever come back. There is a big difference. Stop clustering. I spoke with a respawner on Amino who said that Respawning is the disposal of the body AFTER shifting and ties are severed. It is not done by then consciously. Secondly in addition to that, permanent shifting means you can always come back if you change your mind and the ties with this reality is still there. There is a big difference here. ⚠️

People who see no future here are not cruel to their families. People who, at an early age, dreamed of being somewhere else other than 'home' are not cruel. People who want to see their comfort characters and stay there, consciously, are not cruel. It. Isn't. Wrong. It isn't disgusting. It isn't mean. It isn't "mentally ill." If you see it as wrong then tough luck buddy because I don't care. Unfollow me or block me. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯.

ANOTHER THING THAT IS BOTHERING ME.

Those who shift permanently are not evil, cruel, or stupid. Nor are they harming their old reality/current reality body. And I do not want to hear the "you can't shift permanently without respawning" excuse. Yes, you can. Shifting your conscience has no time limit. It does not in any shape or form, in my mind, make sense logically that there is a time limit where your cr body, which shouldn't have control over you in another reality, just yeets you back.

Why does this community INSIST on just blocking respawners and giving them hate. I don't support it 100% right now, but what I'm saying is don't bash someone who needs your help?? Like I get the whole "I'm going to shift and my CR body will die right after I leave" is unsettling to a lot of people and many might be triggered by the topic. I get that. But ????? Y'all are TOXIC as hell to completely bash these people. (And if you haven’t then good for you ILY here’s a lolipop 💖🥺🍭.) Like??? Yes, you can verbally do that because it’s the internet. But should you, morally? In my opinion, no. If someone is saying they want to dispose of their body and you tell them they aren’t welcome to talk to you, then what the actually HELL.

( I get that someone randomly venting to you is frustrating and mentally draining which can cause worsened depression or a worsened mental state; always ask first before venting unless you need immediate help, kids. So to clarify, that’s not what I’m saying in this context. )

Don’t be a d*ck. Stop hating someone who may even need help. That’s TOXIC AS FUCK. I don’t CARE if you think it’s weird or gross. Belittling, excluding, bullying, etc is invalidating someone who could use information and support and that is DISGUSTANG. I DON’T CARE IF YOU DON’T LIKE WHAT I’M SAYING. Don’t hop on the majority train and stay there because you’re too afraid to voice a different opinion so now you’re going to be a d*ck. It’s not cute nor is it funny. As Michael Jordan said, “Stop it, get some help.”

All I literally ask of anyone reading this is to validate those who you know nothing about. Talk, communicate, and reach out. If you feel uncomfortable with it, that’s fine. If you feel triggered by the topic then that is also fine and VALID. Just don’t be an ass to other people who might feel the same way.

Also as a closing and before I hear “I’ve never seen this issue, you’re just starting shit” kind of thing I will have you know IT DOES HAPPEN. Especially on amino and discord servers I have been on. It does happen. It needs to stop.

Instead of bashing them and then saying they're wrong with no further explanation maybeeee you should try something more decent. For example you could explain to them what respawn is, the effects to those here, how it works, and avoid anything opinionated until they have the facts (I’m going to use facts as a loose term being that we are a small and new community and we still need more scientific backing or experiences to gain more insight). Also you should explain that YOU DONT NEED TO RESPAWN TO STAY IN YOUR DR PERMANETLY. A number one factor, that I have noticed, is they take the risk to respawn because someone failed to inform them that they didn’t need to kill themselves to stay in their DR permanently. Due to this, they take the risk because they would rather do it than ever come back to this reality which may not be kind to them at all. And that is a community failure. Instead of bashing someone who may need help, talk to them. Inform them.

⚠️ALSO FYI some people respawn for spiritual aspects but right now I'm talking about the suicidial part of the respawn community so if you're a spiritual respawner I'm not talking about that, I'm just mentioning the other part. 🧍🏻‍♀️⚠️

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figula · 3 years

Text

today -

im feeling frustrated w/ myself for posting so heavily about OCD this week bc i really dislike when diagnoses become synonymous w/ distress becomes synonymous w/ your social media presence - HOWEVER, i do feel that the OCD diagnosis is honestly the only one that i find helpful + seems to actually potentially be able to bring some relief via treatment routes. like tbh i dismiss everything else ive ever been diagnosed w/ at this point (self-undiagnosis ayyy) but the OCD feels real + true + i think that i should not let my mostly anti-psych ideology close me off from routes that may well actually provide major relief? so i apologise for (at least at present) being one of those blogs that i dont like myself, i just dunno what else to doooo and OCD is fairly solid shorthand so that i dont have to write out like 5 sentences detailing my obsessive thoughts each time lol

anyway, that said -

i fear this will get long, so

still bad, still very shameful / guilty / distressed, but i didn’t cry today, which can only be a good sign right? lol :/

i really think that if the past few months hadn’t been so bad... argh... i keep thinking this, which is annoying bc i cant change any of it, but i keep thinking of like all the shit that’s gone down

a) my sister’s ED being a long-term stressor for my own ED b) some blow-ups w/ my mum (in which she totally denied my even having an ED, nice!) c) fairly unremitting misogyny from ch/ess spheres (leading to me leaving a place ive spent probably hundreds of hours in over the past few years - honestly it took a lot to get to that point so you can imagine) d) ben getting ill (one of my worst triggers tbh), which resulted in a week-long starvation episode, as well as self-harming for the first time in a few years e) our fucking garden wall blowing over, making my already-present obsessive fears about the cat’s safety much more prescient and loud f) visiting ben’s family (which was fine, i should add), which was the first time ive been in a room w/ anyone other than ben/ana/shop people since pre-covid - and left me weirdly overstimulated for like 3 days afterwards e) general bullshit of living in england under the tories, general covid worries

like that’s a lot right? someone agree w/ me so i dont feel so stupid about this lol :/

but the thing im really struggling w/ in this episode is that previously ive always felt that it was me vs the misery - but now i feel like the misery is actually true and correct. which is really really unusual for me - i think i’ve said before on here that im basically at peace w/ who i am as a person. and now suddenly im not, and that’s been a fucking nightmare! bc ben, as he usually does whenever things go suddenly downhill, has been like - ‘be kind to yourself! do things you like! do self-care!’ and every other time i’ve been like right for sure :) gotta recover from this :) and this time im like ... you wouldn’t say that if you knew The Truth! you wouldn’t say that if you knew who i Really Am! bc of all this guilt/shame/etc i feel like the usual rules dont apply, that im not ‘ill’, that im literally just coming to terms w/ evil shit ive done in the past and that this is like some kind of delayed moral reaction, that im like finally appropriately feeling bad. (again about like years-old shit in which no one even got hurt) but i also logically know that that’s not true, and that this is an OCD episode, but bc the symptoms are so different to what im used to it took me like 5 days to realise that. and i really really hate this!!! it feels so DIFFERENT :(

and i think the fact alone that im desperately worried about things i did 3y ago ranging to like... 12? y ago rather than ANYTHING i did recently is a really good indication that it’s not appropriate guilt at all - that it is just OCD. i read some blog posts about OCD stemming from real events and it was actually incredibly enlightening tbh wrt thought processes etc bc ive literally never had anything like this before so even just realising im not the only one, that this ISNT appropriate guilt to historic ‘offences’, that even if you have transgressed it’s still OCD, that was really helpful

(also just fyi i dont want to go into details bc i dont think its helpful for anyone most importantly me lol but just in case people are thinking i killed someone or st - i didn’t hurt anyone, i didnt cheat on ben, i didnt do anything that would get me imprisoned or even fined or you know whatever. like even looking back on this list i feel like i should be quite clearly more able to rationalise it as Not A Big Deal in the grand scheme of things but i cannot!!!!)

anyway i think i will probably give OCD-specific therapy a go bc even if this goes away, ive definitely noticed that the OCD is getting worse overall i think unfortunately, that like, the bad patches are worse than they used to be. which is fucking annoying. i don’t know why, i’m not sure that’s important. i suspect it’s bc my life has been (as detailed above) much more stressful lately, but the reasons for it don’t seem to matter v much, i think i need to be more concerned w/ like actually getting out of this

i will say that the obsessions about me actually being a lesbian passed fairly quickly (w/in like i wanna say a week or two?) so im really hopeful this will go the same way? but the fact that this particular flavour of OCD has been i would say worse than any of the other obsessions ive ever had is definitely some kind of wake up call that i need to take this seriously and not just do whatever the compulsions demand, just bc it’s easier

also just to finish - i have a pasty in the fridge that im too afraid to eat bc some condensation touched the wrapper, and ben was lifting it up like looking hungrily at it LOL. (he eats all the food i OCD-reject w/o really questioning it, which ftr i vastly prefer to it being this big fucking event every time)

and i was like - i guess given the circumstances you should probably tell me to eat it ben: yeah...

then we both just started laughing. brief moment of levity i guess

i also had a slight victory for my dinner. the saucepan was dirty, so i thought ‘better just have some instant noodles instead of washing this out, in case i miss a spot’, and then had the second thought of like - yeah this really IS why you are in this current mess actually, bc you do not ever go against these thoughts, and so i actually did wash the saucepan and used it to cook some pasta

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memoriashell · 4 years

Text

with age comes wisdom ( or at the very least, entirely unneccessary celebrations )

Characters / Pairing: Fukawa Touko / Naegi Komaru ( focused ), Syo / Komaru, Warriors of Hope

crossposted on ao3

Notes: happy @tokomaruweek week everyone!! i love these funky wlw so i am going to try and have some stuff up this week, but i probably won’t manage to do the whole week / i'll go back to do the ones i miss afterwards? we’ll see.

for today i decided to combine the birthdays + warriors of hope prompts.

i’m also just ignoring canon’s timeline bc god knows i did not want to figure out that bs sorry dr3 ily but i dont love you that much just know it is somewhere post sdr2 / pre dr3 probably?

i also use they/them for syo ( nonbinary hc ) and while there aren’t any specific trauma mentions, given the group of characters this revolves around, there’s refrences to the fact they have shit lives. and some lighthearted murder jokes and self-deprication?

Summary: nothing says happy birthday quite like babysitting her ( favorite ) group of brats

It’s just her luck that this would happen— a coincidence for sure, but that doesn’t make Touko any happier about the whole thing.

This is the situation: they don’t usually see the ( former ) Warriors of Hope much. The kids stay on their side of Towa, and her and Komaru tend to stick closer to the adults. The adults are the ones that need to be kept under supervision, in her opinion. Not that the kids are blameless, but is there much reasoning with brainwashed kids? No. Of course not. Are the adults also practically brainwashed and hard to reason with. Yes. Would this all be easier if Future Foundation was involved? Yes. Yes it would, but for obvious reasons they are not ( they have all agreed to omit some information from public record for the sake of those involved, and right now Naegi’s stunt with the Remnants have Future Foundation’s attention away from them ).

Sometimes Komaru takes some of the things that they get over to the kids because things are rough enough as it is, and Syo will go with her because they can keep the Monokuma off their tracks better. Or you know, because Syo is generally more helpful to Komaru when it comes to things like that. She’s not jealous.

Allegedly— Touko does not know this for a fact herself since she hadn’t been fronting, and only learns this second hand while she is in the middle of typing up a report to send back to the foundation— Kotoko is the one to bring it up, casually handing off some of her share of the cookies Komaru had made for them, to Jataro. An early birthday present, she had said ( pointedly ignoring Nagisa, who’d pointed out she had given Jataro the ones he hated ), before turning to Komaru to ask if they could throw a party. A small one. With no murder, because that would be ‘totally not adorbs’. And no adults, because they stink ( it goes unsaid that Komaru and Touko themselves are the clear exception to this rule, which is some kind of progress, supposedly ).

That seemed like a fairly reasonable request, according to Komaru, who’s only response was to ask when his birthday was. And then accidentally lets it slip that hey, that’s the week that Touko-chan’s birthday is! And that’s how Touko finds out that apparently, she’s having a joint birthday party with the kids because Masaru managed to turn a party into a competition, somehow? Touko has no clue what that actually entails, because Komaru refuses to elaborate.

( Also, at one point before leaving, Komaru had tried asking Jataro if there was anything she could get him; to which he’d remarked, “A new mask?”

...Yeah, Touko can’t blame her for not knowing what to say to that, even if Komaru had spun it as not the most self-deprecating thing he could have said, which was an improvement? She personally disagrees, but whatever )

Here, she should point out the obvious fact that she does not want to really celebrate her birthday, let alone have a party for it. Because those kind of things lean so far into the zone of things Touko doesn’t really know how to handle, that it makes her close to uncomfortable. And if— if she had humored herself in imagining how she would ideally spend her birthday this year; quite frankly, it would be very quiet and boring and only with Komaru. Not with a group of ten year olds. Ten year olds that she might think of rather fondly, but ten year old brats all the same.

( It’s not like she has any alive friends: if Touko acknowledges the other survivors, justifiably they are too busy with more important matters to fuss over a birthday. They aren’t kids anymore. Some of them hadn’t ever really been like normal kids to begin with, but that’s besides the point )

“Look at the bright side,” She starts, and she bites back a snide what bright side and remark about how that’s all Komaru’s good at ( it’s not. She’s more talented than she gives herself credit for ). “None of you probably have really positive memories when it comes to birthdays or parties, so even if it isn’t the greatest, at least the bar to please should be pretty easy to clear!”

Touko thinks she probably gets the point she is trying to make here, but Komaru’s complete and utter lack of tact doesn’t make for the best delivery. “Are you trying to...to make me feel bad? S-So sorry my life was complete sh-shit growing up.”

“No! That’s not what I meant at all!” Komaru pouts at her. “Does that mean you’re not interested in having a party?”

It’s not like she’s so cold-hearted and selfish that she’s going to say no to that. Well, no, that’s not quite true, Touko might be just that; but it doesn’t really matter either way, because Komaru gives her best kicked dog impression, so she says ( a less than enthusiastic ) no, she doesn’t mind, yes you can have a party; even if she thinks she’ll probably regret that choice.

Okay, if you are to be honest with herself, some part of Touko that never got to be a normal child doesn’t entirely mind the thought of a party, even if it’s...not the most ideal scenario, the impractical fantasy situation that lives in her head. But if she says that aloud, Komaru will either take it too seriously, use it as an excuse to celebrate things more often, or something else that probably has consequences that she doesn’t want to think about. And also admittedly because if she says it aloud, she has to acknowledge it, and maybe she doesn't want to get her hopes up over something as stupid as a party.

( There’s also the fact that, deep in her extremely repressed memories of Hope’s Peak before the tragedy, she does remember parties. Birthdays. Celebrating things with her classmates, if somewhat forcibly so. She has no desire to remember those things, so those feelings remain repressed with most of her trauma )

It’s easy to not acknowledge any of that when she has to deal with the sudden onslaught of a headache that is Syo forcing themselves into their shared headspace, hand rubbing at her temples. Not trying to co-front, she can tell they aren’t trying to snatch control from her ( for now ), just forcing her to pay attention to them. It works, even though Touko has told them to not do this specifically because of how irritating it is for her.

I could scare the kids into cooperating? It’ll save us a headache and a half! Syo offers, maybe too eagerly. Their ideas of scare and cooperate are probably different from her own. Still. She also knows Syo is aware of more than they are letting on, given that they had been present when this conversation had occurred, but she doesn’t think she’ll get much out of them in that regard.

No. Touko tells them firmly. It’ll be counterproductive, Komaru won’t let you do that, and they’re all traumatized enough without you adding to that.

Boo, you sure about that? Consider it a birthday gift from me!

No. She repeats herself sternly, and she feels them withdraw a bit after that. Ugh, Syo hasn’t had a chance to front much recently, now that she thinks about it. Since they usually only take over when she’s in danger, and she hasn’t really been in ( as much ) danger now that things are starting to calm down. Well, relatively speaking. Syo is probably just looking for an excuse to be allowed to front, since it’s probably rough going from being very present to rarely getting the chance to be out: akin to going cold turkey on an addiction. That’s not exactly her fault ( or theirs ), but maybe she’ll ask Komaru if she’d be okay with hanging out with Syo more, if only to placate them a little, before they try something more drastic.

“Everything okay? That was Syo, right?” She hears Komaru ask after a few minutes, and Touko rubs her eyes and blinks. “You looked a little frustrated.”

She considers telling her the truth, but no point in getting her concerned over nothing. She’d like to figure out what she wants to negotiate with Syo firstm so she’ll leave that conversation for another time. “Fine. They just...ugh, just wanted to make sure I was okay with it.”

“And you are okay with it, right? You aren’t agreeing just because I asked?” Touko thinks she begged more than she asked, but she’s pretty sure Komaru will only sulk if she brings that up.

“I wouldn’t let you if, if I was really opposed to it.” Probably. She...trusted Komaru, or something like that, so she figures she’d probably be more honest with herself and not mentally torture herself by putting herself through something she has no interest in. “But...what are you even planning on doing to celebrate? I can’t im-imagine we’ve really got much around here that we can use for a party.”

“Ah. Uhm.” Komaru looks a little embarrassed at that. “About that. I was kind of hoping you and Syo might help pitch in. You don’t mind, right?”

You’re hopeless, she wants to mutter, but—

Yeah!!!! Syo wakes right back up upon being mentioned, no sense of self awareness at all, much to your annoyance, but it’s not like you completely disagree with the feeling that is shared between you two.

“You— You really bit off more than you could chew, hm...? Good thing this wasn’t supposed t-t-to be a surprise.” She quips, leaning over to peer at the paper she’d been making her notes on. “We’ll help, just tell us what we...what we need to do.”

“Thank you, Touko-chan! And Syo too!” Komaru sounds somewhere mixed between grateful and relieved, and casually plants a kiss on her cheek as if it’s no big deal—

She said my name last, so the kiss was for me! She knows Syo is intentionally trying to provoke her and get a rise out of her ( yeah, a rising sense of jealousy ), but puts that aside for the time being because Komaru’s blabbering on like nothing happened.

“I know we probably won’t have the whole day to ourselves to do whatever—” Correctomundo, Dekomaru! “— but I’ll make it up to you on your birthday, okay? We’ll do something that you want.”

“You don't...there’s no need for that.” She forces out between gritted teeth, trying to ignore the flustered feeling in the pit of her stomach, chewing around a fingernail ( what an unattractive sight to follow that ). “Because— ugh, don’t repeat th-this, okay? What I want to do is spend time with...with you. That’s all. So don’t go...you don’t need to go out of your way trying to do s-s-something over the top. Stick to being normal.”

“Really? You’re sure?” Komaru sounds a little uncertain, but happy enough to pull her into a hug, despite her grumbled complaint. “Oh, but Syo has their own birthday, don’t they? So I should probably ask them what they want as well, right?”

“Don’t make me repeat m-myself. It’s embarrassing...” Touko huffs, but lets herself be held against her side, just for a moment. It’s nice, though she won’t admit it ( it is better than any real gift that she could receive ). Syo is kind enough to back off long enough to let her have this moment. “You can ask them later— focus on, on what you need to plan.”

By something short of a miracle, they are able to pull together a party that is not a complete disaster, even if Komaru probably has a point when she says the bar to clear is a pretty low standard for all parties involved. The closest she has to an actual concern is the very narrowly avoided fight that almost breaks out when Masaru and Kotoko fight over which one of them should give their present first— which is apparently the competitive aspect of the party? It’s probably meant to be heartwarming, if it were not such a foreign thing to Touko. Which Nagisa is quick to put an end to: because this is how they would treat Monaca, which is not inherently healthy, and she’s glad that at least one of them can recognize that fact now. Jataro spends the entirety of the fight trying to hide behind her long skirt and, relatable kid, and rubs the top of his head while Komaru tries to both scold them for fighting and appease them because they’re, well. Kids. Who still need to learn some things and have time to unlearn things.

So yeah, it’s a good party— for not being on her actual birthday, she’ll consider it one of the better memories Touko has associated with the day. The start of many, she’d like to hope.

#tokomaru week 2021 #tokomaru #toukomaru #komaru naegi #toko fukawa #touko fukawa #danganronpa #udg #dr:ae #* zhi writes #glad to have the excuse to finally post something w/ these girls.#i have several long wips w/ them w/ no motivation to finish :/

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