#this is poorly drawn but i had the idea and had to get it done as quickly as possible hi

[farfromharry]

The angel and the devil | Eddie Munson fic

Summary: The two of you met at a halloween costume in polar opposite outfits. What started as Eddie being a gentleman and helping out a drunk girl, turned into a rapidly blooming crush. He believed it to be one sided after he thought you were avoiding him, but you were falling hard too, just too shy to admit to the guy you nearly puked on that he was kind of cute. 

Word count - 9463

Warnings - lots of mentions of throwing up, language, talks of drinking

a/n i dont really like how i ended this but it was the best i could come up with. this man has had me a chokehold for nearly two weeks now 😭

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Eddie wasn’t one to usually go to parties, let alone parties thrown by people on a different level of social popularity than him, which was most; almost all, but when he was invited to a Halloween party by none other than Steve Harrington, he felt obligated. After all the shit that went down in Hawkins with Vecna just a short while ago, he and Steve had gotten to know each other pretty well. They saved each other’s lives more than once, and had become, he might even say, friends. That was part of the reason he didn’t feel like he could turn down the invitation to the party.

Regardless of his concerns he showed up anyway, in a poorly thrown together devil costume that people probably expected him to show up in. A dark red button up, black jeans and some plastic horns? That was good enough for him. What else would Eddie Munson be for Halloween? If anything he was only reinforcing the belief he was actually part of a cult, but that was part of his charm around Hawkins. If he could terrorize the insufferable members of the basketball team with one simple look, then what was the harm in the rumour, really?

He hadn’t been there long when he swore he fell in love. The first time he saw you that night, you were halfway across the room with some friends, dressed in the cutest little angel costume he had ever seen. He thought it was quite ironic, he dressed as the devil, you as an angel. You looked like an angel in your own right though, the way you laughed at someone’s joke, the smile that was almost permanently planted on your face. God he couldn’t take his eyes off of you.

He probably looked creepy, standing in the kitchen, looking through the crowd of people right at you; but he couldn’t help himself. All those people and he felt as though you were the only one he could see. He just felt drawn to you, but you probably didn’t even know his name. If you were friends with Steve then he could pretty much guarantee it, hell Harrington only knew his name because he had to learn it in a life or death situation. And on the off chance that you did know him, you probably knew him as the freak. 

He wished he had the courage to go over there and talk to you. From the minimal, and he means very minimal, interactions you had had with each other over the years, you seemed like a really sweet girl. But the fact you were surrounded by so many of your friends just made the idea all the more terrifying. That isn’t to say he’d have the balls to ask you out if you were alone either. 

In retrospect, if he wanted to ask you out tonight, or maybe ask you to dance, he should have done it sooner rather than later, because now you were stumbling into the kitchen after one too many drinks, looking for something to sober you up. Not that there were any drinks in the entire kitchen that weren’t filled with alcohol.

That was when you found Eddie, leaning against the counter, not so subtly watching you over the rim of his solo cup. After you caught him you apparently just couldn’t keep your mouth shut. He was cute, even cuter when his cheeks flushed after realising he had been caught staring. He didn’t think you would approach, he thought maybe after the glance his way you would rush off or just ignore him, but that didn’t happen.

You stumbled over your own feet when you made your way over to him, slipping past a few people who were getting themselves drinks. “You were staring,” you muttered, stating the obvious. He laughed nervously, nodding his head as he made a short routine out of looking to the ground bashfully, then back up to your face, and back to the ground again. On the spot he tried to come up with something he could say as an excuse. He didn’t have the kind of confidence a lot of Hawkin’s students did to just come out and say he was mesmerised by you. “I, uh– I like your halo,” he stuttered, motioning to the shitty, makeshift halo that sat on your head. It had been thrown together last minute with a random headband and some glue you found, simple yet effective for your costume. Which is why you didn’t really believe that was his reasoning, but you let it slide, you didn’t care all that much. 

You reciprocated the compliment. “I like these,” you said, raising your hand to his head to mess with the plastic that sat, now tangled, in his curly mane. When you took in his full costume it actually made you giggle, you fucking giggled. Eddie preached it was the sweetest noise he had ever heard, and if he wasn’t falling head over heels before then he was now. He was falling hard. “Oh cool, a devil. And ‘m an angel, s’like we were meant to be, huh?”

He didn’t say anything, fuck, he didn’t know what to say, staring at you like a fish out of water. He knew you didn’t mean that in the way he would have liked you to, but his heart didn’t know that. “You’re Eddie,” you muttered, lightly jabbing your finger into the middle of his chest as though you were proving a point, also bringing him back from his thoughts. He nodded, a little taken off guard that you actually knew his name.

He couldn’t help it though, a small grin split on his face at how cute you were. “That I am. And you’re drunk.” 

You chuckled, nodding your head. “That. I. am,” you teased, slinging your arms around his neck. It was more so a balance thing than anything else. You couldn’t seem to stop your body from swaying and you didn’t want to fall on your face right in the middle of a party; that would have been painfully embarrassing. And if Eddie minded your touch he didn’t complain. “I never see you at parties,” you observed, a small crease appearing between your eyebrows as they furrowed. 

He was so close to your face that he could actually see each crease and tiny detail of your skin, his breath hitching in his throat after he consciously realised the proximity. His hands lifted to settle on your waist after a few seconds of contemplating it, seeing it the most efficient way to help you keep your balance. “‘M never usually invited,” he answered. 

You seemed to study him closely for a few minutes before you spoke again, having changed the subject entirely. “Are you really in a cult?” you slurred, glazed eyes staring up at him wide, full of curiosity. He chuckled, thankful you probably wouldn’t remember the flush on his cheeks after tonight. “No, I’m not.” He may have enjoyed that rumour when it came to teasing the basketball goonies, but with you he felt like he could be honest; plus he didn’t think you were going to remember much of this interaction anyway by tomorrow. 

There was a sudden twist in your features that had concern bubbling in his chest, his head ducking a little bit to catch your gaze that had fallen to some place over his shoulder. “Y’okay?”

You shook your head, pulling back from him a little bit as your stomach churned. “Think ‘m gonna be sick,” you muttered, forcing his eyes to widen. He certainly couldn’t let you throw up where you were in the middle of the kitchen surrounded by people. He jumped into action quickly, as calmly yet hastily as he could, he guided you to the nearest bathroom, assuring you you would make it in time and be okay. 

Thankfully he was right, and within minutes he was holding your hair back out of your face as you threw up from all the alcohol you had ingested during the night. At some point when you started to sober up a little, you became more conscious of the hand stroking your back and the presence behind you. A groan slipped past your lips as you sat back on your feet, under the belief that you were finally done. 

“Feel any better?” he asked.

The two of you shuffled until you were sitting across from each other on the bathroom floor, knees brushing every now and then from the closeness. The more you thought about it the more mortified you were to think you just spewed your guts in front of Eddie Munson. “No,” you whined, clutching your stomach for dear life. “I’m sorry you had to see that, that must have been so unattractive.”

He chuckled, shaking his head. “Sweetheart, you don’t feel good. The least important thing right now is looking attractive.” Your eyes locked with his wide puppy ones and you felt something turn in your stomach that wasn’t the alcohol this time. Sweetheart. Oh.

Never once had you thought about the boy that way, in all the years you had known of him, but apparently one single night was changing all of that. You never realised quite how charming he could be. He would say he wasn’t, he didn’t have a way with ladies at all. He was a huge nerd and ‘the town freak’, and neither of those things are exactly considered chick magnets. But maybe he didn’t need any flirting ability or a special way with women to press the right buttons, him being his sweet self was doing that for him. 

The bliss of your thoughts didn’t last long before the uncomfortable feeling was back in your stomach, your nose scrunching from the discomfort. “What’s wrong?” Eddie questioned, reaching forward to place a hand on your knee. The simple touch was like the catalyst, your body spinning as you barely made it back over the toilet again. Even with your discomfort, one of the thoughts that was now plaguing your mind was that you nearly threw up on Eddie, how were you supposed to live that down? You could’ve even sworn you saw the fear in his eyes where he thought you were going to. How you wished the ground would open and swallow you whole.

You were very surprised he was still sitting in the bathroom with you when you were done for the second time. “You don’t have to stay. I’ll be fine.”

If you thought he was sweet before, he was certainly continuing to rack up the brownie points with you now. “No. I want to make sure you’re okay.” Your heart fluttered, but you didn’t get long to think on it before you were bracing yourself again. 

Coming into the party tonight you certainly never would have expected to be spending a lot of your night in Steve Harrington’s bathroom with Eddie Munson, especially while you were throwing up. Heck you wouldn’t have even expected to be in the same room as Eddie at all; but now you wouldn’t have had it any other way. You actually would have liked to have spent more time with him afterwards, not in a bathroom puking of course, but that was only if you could muster up the courage to face him again after almost spewing your guts all over his attempt at a devil costume. 

»»——⍟——««

Having to head to work the day after a booming Halloween party felt like some sort of penance for an evil deed you didn’t commit. Your head was pounding, stomach occasionally still churning and every possible light was too bright. The issue was that you couldn’t just wear sunglasses inside all day while you did your job, but there were too many lights in the store to stop your head from throbbing for more than thirty seconds. 

When you walked through the door of the video store, Steve spotted you, grinning like a maniac at the state of you. Usually you were pretty well put together, but today your hair was a mess, face dull, sunglasses on and you were much more delayed in your movements. Oh yeah he could tell you had a bad hangover, but just because you were friends didn’t mean he had to approach you with caution for the day. “Good morning, my favourite co-worker!” he called loudly, relishing in the way you winced at the volume of his voice. 

There was a cough that could be heard from behind him, and when he turned his head he saw a very unimpressed Robin watching him. He realised his mistake, but he actually jumped at the opportunity to torment you again. “Sorry,” he muttered to the girl. “Good morning, to one half of my joint favourite co-workers!” 

This time around you let out a loud groan as you reached the counter, crouching down so you could rest your head against the cool surface. “Steve, shut up.” You heard him laughing at your misery, leaving you to blindly swing your arms until they collided with his body, silently punishing him for being an asshole.

“Shouldn’t have gotten so drunk the night before a work day,” he teased, shrugging his shoulders as though he was entirely innocent in this situation. Like he wasn’t the one who threw the party in the first place, and actually supplied you with all the drinks. “It was your party, dickwad. And I swear you had more drinks than I did, how are you not dead?” 

You finally raised your head from the counter and the cocky look on his face made you want to hit him before he even spoke. “You see, I have this thing called a tolerance. Which is where–” You scoffed, rolling your eyes before you walked away, leaving him to finish his sentence without an audience. Even though you did sneak into the back room to get away from Steve, it was also to soak up the last few minutes of silence and a calm atmosphere before you officially opened for the day and were met with a wave of noisy customers. 

It really was no time at all to get yourself together before Robin was forcing you back out to the front with a fake smile planted on your face. You had to at least look a tiny bit alive to greet and help customers, even if that felt impossible at the moment. 

To your luck, there weren't many people filtering in and out of the store, meaning it was pretty chill. Robin was manning the counter in case anyone did come up wanting to rent, and you and Steve were stacking the shelves with new releases, making light conversation as you did so. Occasionally Robin would contribute, but for the most part she was stuck watching some random movie she decided to put on. One of the perks of working at a video store you supposed. 

“So, where did you disappear to last night? One minute you were there, then you were gone. No one knew where you were,” he said, bringing up the memories of your time with Eddie. The ones you had been trying to suppress for various reasons. You considered not telling him, or making something up, but you weren’t a brilliant liar and the man knew you too well to not suspect you. 

“Please don’t make me talk about it,” you whined, your face scrunching up in distaste at the embarrassment you still felt. It only intrigued Steve more though. 

“What could have happened that has you so mortified?” he asked, placing a hand on his hip sassily as he turned his full attention to you, leaving the videos unattended and unfinished on the shelf. If you had an embarrassing story to share then he definitely wanted to hear it. He also would never let you hear the end of it, and you knew that, but he also wouldn’t let this go until he got the story. It was a lose/lose situation for you really. 

You groaned, a groan that was meant to be in your head but just so happened to be out loud instead. “I nearly threw up on a guy in the bathroom,” you said simply. You didn’t particularly want to relive the memory, but it was obvious Steve was going to make you do exactly that because he believed your story was much too vague. He was a sucker for details. 

“What guy?”

Your whisper of the culprit’s name was too quiet for your friend to hear, so he made an obnoxious ‘huh’ sound in true Steve fashion and basically forced you to speak up. “It was Eddie Munson,” you stated, keeping your voice low just in case anyone was around and eavesdropping. Steve’s teasing you could deal with it, but if anyone else found out, especially one of the kids he was friends with? Oh you truly would not be able to handle it. 

He seemed shocked, wide eyed as a thousand thoughts swam in his head. “Eddie?” he questioned. You nodded your head, hiding your features behind your hands as embarrassment racked your body. “Eddie Munson? Really?”

“Yes, really, Steve.”

“Well, tell me everything.”

You rolled your eyes, setting down the video that was in your hand so you could turn to face him. Now neither of you were doing the jobs you were supposed to be doing. It probably wouldn’t be a very good look to your boss but thankfully he was rarely ever here to see it anyway. You internally decided it would be easier to tell Steve the most basic rendition of the events of the prior night. He didn’t need to know about the pet name Eddie threw out there, and he certainly didn’t need to know how it made you feel– or rethink every thought you ever had about the metal head. “I was heading to sober up, found him in your kitchen, we got to talking about our matching costumes– He was a devil, I was an angel,” you clarified for him. “And then I ran to the bathroom, and, viola.”

“So, he went with you? To watch you throw up?” he checked.

You huffed at the weird implications he was trying to imply. “Just because you wouldn’t help a drunk girl who needed to throw up, doesn’t mean everyone wouldn’t. Some people are gentlemen, Steve.”

His eyebrows raised and his face split into a grin, the warning sign that what was about to follow was not going to be very pleasant for you. “Oh, so you think Munson’s a gentleman now?” He had never once in his entire time of knowing you heard you mention Eddie for any reason, not even to jump on the bandwagon of making fun of him like most of Steve’s buddies had done over the years. So he thought it was ironic that the first time you did, it was only a few short weeks after he had befriended him. If that wasn’t the universe telling him to meddle then he didn’t know what was. 

“Shut up,” you muttered, swatting his arm. You had been hitting him a lot today it felt like, but he earned it. “H-He’s sweet.” That was the safest compliment you could throw out there, not wanting your friend to catch on to the feeling of butterflies in your stomach that appeared when you thought about Eddie for too long. Specifically thinking about his kind smile. But the flustered aroma surrounding you might have given that away without words. “Now can we move on, maybe do our jobs?”

He studied your face for a few more seconds until you turned your head away from him, not liking the harsh stare he was imposing on you. It felt like he was trying to look into your soul and you hated it. Eventually he gave in, raising both his hands in defeat. “Alright, alright. Whatever you want.” But deep down he was already plotting. 

»»——⍟——««

When Steve planned to meddle, he planned hard. You were none the wiser of what he was doing, but the sneaky bastard kept inviting both you and Eddie to the same place; telling neither of you he was doing so, to try and get you to talk. Though his plan was severely failing on the you-side. Eddie, who knew part of the plan as he was often persuaded to go places with the promise you’d be there, was actually eager to talk to you again.

It had been days since the Halloween party, and you had seen Eddie on a handful of occasions. Had you spoken to him once though? Nope. You were definitely avoiding him, and the hurt look on his face every time you saw him and dashed from somewhere, told you he knew as well. You felt bad, you did, but you couldn’t stand to face him if he were to bring up the events of the party. 

One day you knew you would have no choice but to talk to him again, you couldn’t avoid him forever. In such a small town that would have been physically impossible. But you didn’t think the day in question would have been today. When he showed up at your work there was literally anywhere for you to escape to.

The bell above the door was what indicated your arrival, your eyes jumping in the direction to see who entered. “Oh, shit,” you cursed, whipping your body around so your back was to the door, silently praying that Eddie didn’t recognise you. Upon hearing your curse Steve’s interest was piqued, his eyes following every inch of the scene. “What’s wrong?” the brunette teased, biting back a smile as he watched you freak. Oh he knew full well what was wrong, he was the one who went out of his way to drop by the Munson’s trailer this morning to tell him you would be working all day. “Eddie’s here,” you whined. 

Steve faked a gasp, the over exaggeration bringing you to roll your eyes as you tried to busy yourself. But to your dismay there was nothing for you to do. At least until Steve spoke up and you thought you might have had a shot at escaping a highly awkward encounter with Eddie.

“I think our customers need a little assistance,” he said, glancing between Eddie and the elderly woman who looked to be struggling to even read the movie titles on the video cases. 

“You take him, I take the old lady?” you suggested, already heading in her general direction. Steve chuckled, shaking his head before setting his hands on your shoulders. He turned you around, pushing you in the opposing direction with some force. At times like this you really wished you were a thousand times stronger than him, or maybe just a lot more stubborn. If you knew how to properly stand your ground then you would be well on your way to assisting the old woman by now. 

As you moved to head away from Eddie, you noted Steve was walking backwards towards your other customer, amusement sparkling in his eyes. You glared. “Steve, don’t you dare,” you whisper-yelled, shaking your head as you watched him come close enough to the woman that she noticed his presence. Within seconds she was asking him a hundred questions, the man’s bright grin never leaving his face as his scheme was set into motion. You threw your head back with a quiet groan before getting yourself together to go and talk to Eddie. 

When you turned on your heel to face him you caught him staring, the boy’s eyes widening as he quickly turned his head to face the other direction. Even from that angle you could see the blush that had fallen on his cheeks at the fact he’d been caught; just like the night of the party all over again. You got yourself together, giving yourself a quick pep talk before heading over to him; he was conveniently in the romance section. 

“Hi,” you greeted, simply. 

He turned to look at you and something you couldn’t make out flashed behind his eyes. “Hi. I was just, uh, looking for a movie to watch.” He pointed to the stack of shelves he was standing in front of, as well as the random VHS that was in his hands which he had just picked up on a limb as he saw you approach. He didn’t want you to yet again think he was some creep, though he really needed to get better at lying if he was going to continue to do it. 

You held back a laugh, nodding your head. “Yeah that’s what people usually do at video stores.” You wished you could have taken a picture of the look on his face when the realisation hit him. His mouth had been working a thousand times faster than his brain, so he didn’t know what he was saying before he said it. Thankfully you saved him from the pain of trying to dig himself out of that deeply embarrassing hole. “Didn’t take you for a romance kind of guy though.” 

“You’d be surprised. G-Given the chance I could woo your pants off like one of these romance guys.” He watched your features contort, his heart sinking into his stomach now he realised how dumb that sounded.

“Oh, that was terrible,” you cringed. “Did you get that from Steve?” You were sure that had worked for Harrington before, but it wasn’t the line itself that usually did it for him and the ladies. The women under this town were under some sort of spell with him, and his overconfidence really helped sell the show too. But Eddie had neither of those, stuttering through a pick up line meant it really didn’t have the same effect.

Eddie looked like he’d seen a ghost, a wave of humiliation hitting him full force at the thought of having ruined his shot with you by being a douche. You saw his eyes flicker over your shoulder in a nervous glance, nothing but a noise coming out of his mouth as his brain tried to come up with something to tell you. When you followed his gaze you watched as Steve’s hands dropped to his sides, the man trying to act natural and like he wasn’t saying something to the poor boy in front of you.

“W-Was it really that bad?” he asked.

You laughed, nodding your head. “It was so bad.” The sound of your sweet laughter gave him hope that he hadn’t completely messed up though. To him it sounded like amused laughter, not patronising laughter. He’d heard enough of that in his years to know the difference. The atmosphere quickly grew uncomfortable, and there was a clear shift in the conversation.

“I’m sorry, I just—“ he paused, inhaling sharply as he decided to lay it all out for you. “I really wanted to impress you. At the party I thought you looked so beautiful, a-and I think I got a bit of a crush,” he admitted. “But every time I’ve tried to talk to you since… you just walk away.” It was clear that what you had been doing was wounding him, and part of you knew that all along, but now it was presented to you right from the source, you felt guilty.

This was your chance to finally get yourself an answer. To find out if he’d been thinking about your near miss accident as much as you had. “I was embarrassed,” you muttered. The furrow in his brow felt like a good sign.

“About what?” 

Your eyes bulged. “I nearly threw up on you.” 

“When?” 

You scoffed. All that worrying you had been doing and the boy didn’t even remember. Or if he did, he didn’t care. “You really don’t remember?” you questioned. He shook his head, lifting a metaphorical weight off of your shoulders. It felt like you could relax for the first time in days when you thought about him. It was actually a pleasant feeling. “Well that makes me feel so much better actually.” 

The obvious tension that surrounded you both seemed to subside, the two of you gazing at each other with soft smiles. “So I didn’t completely mess up?” he asked. You shook your head. “Not at all. I actually really enjoyed talking with you the other night, even though we were in a bathroom.”

It looked like something clicked in him from that moment, his features lighting up and his posture straightening out, although it seemed he was looking anywhere but you. “Well, in that case, I was wondering–” When his eyes met yours he was ready to chicken out. Eddie Munson had never asked a girl out in his life, and he never even considered asking one out that was as enchanting as he found you. To say he was scared shitless right now would be an understatement. 

You got the gist of what he was probably going to ask, but the longer it took for him to spit out the words, the more worried you got that he’d changed his mind halfway through speaking. So, you did it yourself, removing the pressure from him. “Would you like to go out with me sometime, Eddie?”

You watched him let out a breath of relief, shoulders sagging again and a grateful grin splitting on his face. “I’d love to.”

»»——⍟——««

The night of your date had finally arrived and you were so nervous. You had spent the entire day stressing over every tiny detail, even the ones you couldn’t control. Both Robin and Steve had been driven crazy the whole time after you invited them over for their help and reassuring words. To be fair, you were driving them crazy too though.

You must have shown them six different outfits you could wear at this point, each one pretty much the same as the last. You had messed with your hair, whining to Robin about how it just didn’t look right, even though she assured you it was perfect. Then came the issue of makeup, all of which Steve seemed to complain he didn’t understand. He never cared about any of these things when he was going on dates with girls. But maybe that was just him.

“Y/N, he likes you, he isn’t going to care,” Steve said, believing he was making the situation better. That only made you feel worse, throwing yourself face first down onto your bed, groaning about how nothing was going to go right and you had made such an effort only to have one of your good friends throw it right back in your face like it was nothing. Robin scolded him, slapping his arm as the two whisper-yelled to each other in the hopes you wouldn’t hear them; but you did.

“Steve’s a dick, don’t listen to him. You look good, and Eddie’s gonna think you look good too,” she said, hand rubbing over the expanse of your back in a comforting gesture.

You lifted your head from where you’d buried it, glancing at your friend with a hopeful expression in your eyes. “Really?” you asked, earning a nod from her. “You look smokin’, he’s lucky to be getting this time with you,” she said.

As you moved to thank her your eyes caught the clock on your night stand, eyes growing wide at the fact he’d be showing up in no less than half an hour and you still didn’t have an outfit selected. Your friends saw the way your face contorted into fear, ushering you up from your bed so they could get you together and ready in enough time. And although Steve’s previous attempt at a pep talk had gone horribly, this time around he was calming you down just fine.

It felt like almost no time had passed when you heard the expected knock on the door. Robin had picked the perfect thing for you to wear, your hair looked good, and you felt beautiful. Part of you wouldn’t ever admit you were dressing to try and impress some boy, so the fact you felt so pretty was good enough for you.

With one last reminder that you could do this, you pulled open the door. “Hi,” you said, standing shyly on your doorstep. At first he just looked at you blankly, and you weren’t sure what you were supposed to do. You shifted a little awkwardly on your feet before turning to send a glance to Nancy and Steve. They didn’t help, just offered you a thumb’s up as it looked like Eddie finally came back to reality. “W-Wow, hi. You look beautiful.”

Your skin burned hot at the compliment, and you took in how he looked standing there. The jeans had no rips on them for a change, though he still had his tell tale chain dangling from the material. His shirt wasn’t any familiar band tee that he usually wore, but instead replaced with a white button up that showcased the effort he had put into looking good for this date. Not that he needed to put much effort in to look good. His many rings still adorned his fingers, and his hair looked a little more tamed, though it was clear he had been messing with it. “You clean up well, Munson.”

You saw his cheeks flush and it was the cutest thing, unable to bite back the smile that crept upon your face. “Shall we head out?” he asked. You tried to hide your excitement as you nodded, but you probably looked incredibly eager anyway. As you tugged the door closed you heard Steve and Robin muttering about ‘how they grow up so fast’ leaving you to sneak your hand through the gap to flash them a middle finger before you really left.

Even though the walk from your front door to where his car was parked at the end of your driveway was short, that didn’t stop him from shyly lacing your fingers together to lead the way, the feeling of his warm palm sliding across yours making your heart race. How did a guy you only really noticed for the first time, maybe a week ago, have such a hold on your heart already? He was magical.

You were snapped from your gaze when you felt his touch leave you, a little sad if you were being honest, but that was replaced with yet another flurry of butterflies at his next actions. “M’lady,” he said, pulling open the passenger door for you. You climbed in with a grin, thanking him for the gesture. “Thank you, kind sir.”

He swore he fell even more in love right then.

You had exactly two seconds to gather your thoughts before he was climbing in the driver’s side, and then your eyes were on him. This could have been the only chance you got to really study his features; when he literally couldn’t remove his eyes from the road. The more you looked at him, the more handsome he seemed to become. Though a lot of people hated the hair, it suited him well, you couldn’t imagine him without it; it was just so him. The way each strand curled perfectly, how it framed his face. You noticed every so often it’d get caught in his eyes, but he must have been so used to it that it didn’t bother him. With a quick shake of his head it’d be fixed.

His eyes, oh they were so enchanting. They had been one of the main things that sent you haywire when you looked at him. They were like a void, just a space you could so easily get lost in if you looked long enough. But they were dangerous, one glance from those puppy eyes would have you bending at his will in seconds.

You didn’t get to look at him for as long as you would have liked. He’d realised you weren’t saying anything, and when he glanced over you were just staring, in some sort of trance. But the expression on your face was too blank, too unreadable. “You ready, sweetheart?” he asked, softly, wondering if the silence was you changing your mind. There was that nickname again. The one that made you feel all fuzzy inside in a way you didn’t think you could describe with words. “So ready.”

The ride to your mystery location was pleasant. It was filled with chatter between the two of you and the sound of music through the tape in the player. It was some metal band that you weren’t really too fond of, but whatever made him happy. Conversation seemed so easy with him, so effortless, and you found yourself not wanting the night to end already and you hadn’t even left the van yet.

At first you didn’t know where he was going, driving down unfamiliar roads and heading in a direction you didn’t recognise. “Where are we going?” you eventually asked. You partially trusted him, but it was dawning on you how little you actually knew him. Going to an unfamiliar place with a man you didn’t know all that well probably wasn’t the best idea, but it was a bit late for second thoughts now. He glanced over briefly at the sound of your voice. “It’s a surprise. Trust me, I know a place.”

You narrowed your eyes at him, but settled back into the surprisingly comfortable passenger seat of the van. Another ten or so minutes passed by before the roads got darker, shrouded with trees and away from almost any civilization. It was like that for a little until the engine cut off, your eyes scoured your surroundings seeing he’d brought you to a clearing in the woods. Given the secluded location you felt like you had to ask the question plaguing your mind. “You aren’t about to murder me, right?” you asked, half-joking, half-actually-serious.

He laughed, shaking his head. “No, I’m not. I thought you believed me when I told you I wasn’t in a cult.”

You rolled your eyes. “‘S pretty easy to deny. ‘Oh are you in a cult?’ No.” You shrugged to emphasise your little show, hearing him chuckling to himself as he stepped out of the van. “See, easy. How do you know I’m not in a cult?” you questioned him as he pulled open your door for you again.

The grin on his face was positively precious, and the easy banter between you must have eased up his anxieties a little bit. His hand raised to lightly brush his thumb and pointer finger against your chin. “You’re too cute to be in a cult.”

You scoffed, eyes trailing his figure as he headed over to the sliding door on his van. “And you’re not? Munson you, so, aren’t the badass everyone thinks you are.” His eyes flickered over to you, his head cocking and the corner of his mouth curling up as if he was amused with what you were saying. “Oh really?” he queried. You nodded your head. “What am I then?”

“Deep down, you’re a big softie.” He didn’t protest what you were saying at all. He wasn’t like one of these egotistical freaks that felt they had to keep up a reputation. If you thought he was a softie it was because he was a huge softie for you, and he didn’t care who knew it. “Only for you, sweetheart.”

The look of utter adoration on your face was hard for him to ignore, he desperately wanted to let it go to his ego, but he couldn’t.

You cleared your throat when the initial flood of cloudiness subsided. “So, what’s in store for us?”

The smile on his face didn’t give anything away, other than the fact that whatever it was he was proud of. Your eyes followed his movements as he tugged open the sliding door, holding his arms out to showcase the inside of the van. It wasn’t at all what you expected. You were met with an adorable sight. He’d set the inside up like a bed, a mattress crammed in, some pillows and a couple blankets for you both. He’d even gone as far to add some fairy lights to brighten the place up, and you had to admit it did make it feel more romantic. “I, uh, I thought we could watch the stars. No one ever comes out here so—“ He trailed off when it looked like he remembered something else. You watched him lean into the van, doing who knows what before the soft sound of music started to play inside the vehicle. “And there’s music, and some food.”

When he turned to look at you he noted the frown on your lips, taking it as a sign he had gone way too over the top or maybe let your expectations down. He felt the need to suddenly apologise. “I know it’s probably not what you expected, but I—“ You cut him off with the touch of your fingertips on his cheek, turning his head to face you. Those puppy eyes of his seemed to widen when they realised how close you both had gotten, he wasn’t expecting to almost brush noses with you when he looked in your direction. “It’s perfect, Eddie. No one’s ever done anything like this for me before.”

For a moment his eyes flickered between your gaze and your lips, weighing out the pros and cons of leaning in and kissing you right now. But once again at the last minute he chickened out, leaving you a little disappointed if you were being completely honest. You didn’t say anything though, putting it down to the poor man’s nerves. “‘M glad,” he muttered.

He offered out his hand to help you climb into the back. Truly he didn’t need to, it wasn’t difficult to get into, but he felt like that was what guys should do on dates. You took a seat on the shockingly soft mattress, crossing your legs over one another as you waited for him to join you. When he finally did he let out a sigh, offering you a grin.

“So, what’s on the menu, chef?”

He stretched his arm behind him, bringing to your view a familiar looking box. It was from the pizza place that you were practically obsessed with. You would basically force Steve and Robin to order from there every time you hung out at your house. “Pizza for the lovely lady.” It was like he knew you were suspicious of him the second you saw the box, your eyes narrowing in his direction as you lifted the lid to find exactly what kind you expected.

“Who told you?”

He shrugged shyly. He had never put this much effort into anything, not even D&D or his band, especially not a person. So he didn’t really know how to act nonchalant about the reaction he was getting. He was quickly realising he loved the tiny twinkles of joy in your eyes every time he did something that made you weak in the knees. “I may have had a little talk with Harrington.”

“You sneaky bastard.”

He reached back behind him a second time, this time drinks were dangling from the grip of his fingers. “And I got beer.”

It didn’t take either of you long to dig in, especially seeing as you couldn’t shut up about how good the pizza was for at least five minutes before you started eating. Eventually he had taken to basically shoving a piece into your hand and then up to your mouth, laughing about how if you love it so much you should actually eat some. Once again conversation flowed smoothly between you, talking about your friends and how Eddie had managed to become friends. He left out the obvious crazy monsters bit, you were on a need to know basis, so it was pretty much all a lie.

You hadn’t been on that many dates in your time, the boys in Hawkins were grade-a-assholes ninety-percent of the time, but you could say wholeheartedly that this was the greatest one you had ever had. It might have been the only one you truly enjoyed. Eddie just had this thing about him that you couldn’t pinpoint, but it made him so easily likeable. You understand how Steve, a rather judgemental friend actually, could come to befriend him so fast. He was nothing like his reputation stated.

After you ate the boy shifted his position, taking to lying on his back with his head practically hanging out of the van. It actually gave him a perfect view of the stars. He patted the space beside him as he motioned for you to do the same. You didn’t hesitate, following his lead and realising that in fact the view was beautiful. “Wow.”

“Wow, indeed,” he muttered. His stare basically burned holes into your cheek, and with an eye roll you turned your head to the side to face him. You caught his eye and his smile only grew.

“Is this one of the ‘romance guy’ clichés you know?” you teased.

He could’ve died right there on the spot thinking about that moment in the video store again. It certainly hadn’t been one of his best moments, and he wanted to move on from this topic very very quickly. “Just shut up and look at the stars.”

You must have spent hours gazing up at the sky, having Eddie point out what he said were various constellations, only to later come clean that he was lying out of his ass. It made you laugh nearly hysterically, the beer getting to your head a little. But all he’d been doing in his lies was trying to get that kind of reaction out of you. He’d found that in such a short time he’d quickly come to adore the sound of your laughter.

“Do you actually know any constellations?” you asked, grinning from ear to ear as you turned your head to look at him. The smile on his face was unmatched, and you’d argue that his eyes twinkled more than every star in the sky did.

His confession came with a slightly scrunched nose and red-twinged cheeks. “Nope. I’m repeating my senior for the third time, d’you really think I paid enough attention in school to learn about the stars?” he laughed.

“Fair play.” The words died on your tongue as your eyes locked, feeling like the biggest movie cliché was playing out in front of you. It would have been funny to point out how painfully ironic it was if you weren’t stuck in some lovesick trance. You tried to make it obvious that you were eyeing his lips, and you thought you had, but he didn’t seem to be making any first move.

Again, like back in the store, you felt you needed to make the first move or it would never happen. “Eddie,” you whispered, gaze unfaltering as you stared into those large doe eyes. You could and certainly had gotten lost in them, they were just so mesmerising. They held so much emotion in them, so many unsaid things that you were desperate to hear. He didn’t say anything, didn’t want to ruin the perfect little bubble you had found yourselves in, instead he just hummed as quietly as he could. “Please, kiss me.”

Now that he knew you wanted him to, he didn’t waste another second, leaning forward to finally meet your lips for the first time. He couldn’t help but note you tasted like beer and the coconut chapstick he watched you apply earlier, his new favourite combination he thought to himself. You were thinking the same, though he tasted like beer and a faint taste of weed. A strange two things to enjoy the taste of, but it was just so him.

As your lip-lock grew more intense he shifted again, rolling onto his side so he could get a better hold of you. He rested on his elbow, his other hand, the one with the chunky rings on, cradling your cheek gently, like you were made out of porcelain or something.

Your arms had found themselves snaking around his neck, wanting to desperately pull him closer to you. However, with that brought the tickling sensation of his hair hitting your skin, forcing you to part from him to let out the laughter that was building up. At first he didn’t know what was going on, a smile growing on his face nonetheless at the joy written all over your face. But you could tell he was confused. “Your hair… it’s tickling me,” you managed to get out through laughs.

To hear more of the angelic sound, he shook his hair against you, laughing with you as you called for him to knock it off.

When the laughter died down the two of you were left laying side by side, grinning like idiots at the ceiling of his van. The joy of just a few minutes ago was very much still present, neither of you spoke for a bit, just enjoyed the happy aura that engulfed you in your silence. That was until Eddie spoke up to break the silence, saying the four words you had been dreading all night. “We should head back.”

He heard you whine but unfortunately you couldn’t stay. “Steve’ll have my head if I don’t bring you back tonight. Or I would say we stay in a heartbeat.” The knowledge that he wanted to stay with you longer made your heart happy, and made you more willing to agree to heading home. He was right when he said Steve would be on him, because you knew if you had a phone with you right now he probably would have been blowing it up like your mom.

“Yeah, you’re right. We should do this again though some time.” You barely got your sentence out when he was leaning in to steal another quick kiss from your lips. For the first time since the party, when you looked at him he didn’t look nervous to have done something so bold. “Absolutely.”

»»——⍟——««

The drive home, though just as pleasant as the drive there, held a different atmosphere than it had before. Your hands were locked over the console, stealing glances at each other when you didn’t think the other was looking. It all felt so… blissful; natural. It was a feeling you hadn’t felt with any other boy you knew. You didn’t even need to communicate to know you both felt the exact same way.

When he turned the corner to your street you felt your heart sink a little bit, you really weren’t ready to leave him just yet. But you didn’t have much of a choice when the vehicle came to a stop at the end of your driveway. Eddie watched you pout, thinking it was the cutest thing. “Walk me to my door?” you asked, trying to grasp any extra time you could spend with him. He agreed instantly.

He caught you off guard when you got out of the van, where he was sweeping you into his arms, his lips capturing yours. It made your head swirl, giving you a sort of drunken sensation from just his kiss. “If you keep doing that, I dunno how you expect me to leave you.” His lips curled into a smile against yours, teeth clashing for a second which forced the two of you to pull away. “Maybe that’s my plan.”

You rolled your eyes, he was the one that wanted to take you home so he didn’t have to deal with Steve’s wrath, now he was proposing other ideas. “Thank you for tonight. I had a lot of fun,” you told him genuinely, twirling a strand of his curly hair around your fingers. The corners of his eyes crinkled as he smiled. “Me too. You’re not as bad as I thought you’d be, Y/L/N.”

“Asshole,” you chuckled, hitting his shoulder with the heel of your hand. You heard him laugh as you stepped past him, eyes set on the entrance of your home. You had barely made it a few steps closer to your front door before he was spinning you back around, his hands firmly planted on your waist. He too didn’t want this night to end, and if he had to stall you at your doorstep until the sun rose, he absolutely would.

“Okay, okay. But jus’ think, this all started because you make a really beautiful angel,” he murmured, brushing the tip of his nose against yours affectionately. He watched the smile bloom on your face, his heart fluttering. “You make a pretty hot devil, too.”

His lips were once again on yours, a feeling you had started to really enjoy since the first time it happened. You hoped it would have been happening a lot more from this point too. He pulled back at the feeling of a stare burning into him, his brow furrowing as he searched for the culprit. You saw his gaze flicker behind you, focusing on something for a second before he looked back to you. “Y’know they’re watching us through the window right?” he muttered. You audibly groaned, rolling your eyes as you leaned your head forward to dick it into his chest. “They’re insufferable.”

It was mere seconds before you heard the click of the door, followed by hasty, heavy footsteps that could only be from Steve. You pulled away from Eddie to stand beside him, still keeping close proximity, but just so you could see your friend. “Dude, what the hell? I told you to have her home by ten. It’s nearly three am!” he yelled. Robin sent you a sorry look over his shoulder. It looked like she had tried to keep him inside when they had heard the van pull up, but obviously wasn't very successful. And he clearly had no regard for your poor neighbours.

“You didn’t specify, I thought you meant ten am,” he teased, twisting his wrist so the clock face of the watch that decorated it was facing up towards him. “And in that case I actually brought her back early.” He looked over to you and flashed you a wink. You had to stifle a laugh so Steve didn’t turn to yell at you too.

The Harrington boy’s anger could be felt even from the distance you were at, and despite the lack of light you were sure you could see a vein popping out of his face too. “Don’t get smart with me Munson, I’m gonna kick your ass.”

With a sigh you took a step in front of Eddie, acting sort of as a human shield if your friend decided to take his little charade as far as that. “Okay, momma bear, calm down.” He looked almost offended that you weren’t taking his side. “Let’s not forget you lose every fight you participate in. Please don’t embarrass yourself more.”

Steve scoffed, his mouth gaping at you. You could hear Eddie laughing behind you, as well as Robin giggling behind her hand so your friend didn’t hear her. “I beat Billy the other year,” he tried. You pursed your lips, cocking your head as if to ask really? Surely he didn’t believe that. The look made him give in. “Okay, fine. I didn’t beat Hargove. I could take Eddie though.”

You took the time to size them both up, looking at Steve’s build compared to your dates. They were both pretty similar, but Eddie had a make believe hard exterior, and chunky rings donning his fingers, Steve didn’t have any of that advantage. He was pretty much all talk. “Yeah… no. Sorry, Stevie.”

“Y’know what?” he said, resting his hands on his hips as the infamous motherly side of the man appeared to your eyes. “Inside.” He pointed to the front door with his finger, forcing you to bite back a laugh as he tried to treat you like one of the kids he was always babysitting. “Now, missy.”

“Yes, mom,” you sighed, turning over your shoulder to glance at Eddie as you started stepping closer to Steve. You blew him a teasing kiss, holding your hand up to your ear in an imitation of a phone. “Call me, Munson.” With the promise that he would, you scurried inside with Robin, leaving the two males to sort their issues out together, as you recounted the entire night to your best friend starting with one word to sum it all up. Magical.

[morlock-holmes]

Man, YouTube just recommended the most obnoxiously complacent and poorly thought-out anti-AI-art video. Good job algorithm, I did hatewatch as much as I could stand because that's the cyberpunk future and also I guess the past because EM Forster predicted all of this.

In particular, there is this incredibly poorly thought out attempt to distinguish between the tedious parts of artistic work, which are okay to automate, and the non-tedious parts, which are immoral to automate.

There's also a distinction drawn, equally thoughtlessly, between the kinds of automation that destroy jobs and the kinds of automation that don't.

For example, the idea of an AI cutting a trailer together is bad, because it puts an editor out of a job. The cgi crowds in The Lord of The Rings are good, because they allow one animator to do jobs that once would have had to have been done by hundreds of extras or at the very least, way more animators.

I'm really sick of this bizarre half-luddism. I'm also DEEPLY annoyed by this muddled economic idea that people with tedious, unpleasant jobs like it when automation takes over for them, because I can assure you that they fucking don't.

Like, the whole thing stems from this quixotic attempt to be a pro-automation luddite, but luddism is a reaction to economic conditions.

If you sell skilled labor, you can get more money for it because the supply of laborers capable of producing what you produce is low. If there is a sudden flood of supply that stands to quite possibly lower the cost at which you can sell your labor.

This is an economic process, not a moral one. The guy fucking up his bladder working in the Amazon warehouse without using the bathroom all day is not going to be elated when Amazon announces he's being replaced by a robot, because it means the demand for his labor is getting lower relative to supply, which means the price at which he can sell it gets lower, which means it just got a lot fucking harder for him to pay his rent.

This has nothing whatsoever to do with whether Amazon warehouse work is spiritually fulfilling or not.

[trashlama]

FUTURE RISE!LEO X READER

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Heyyyy-oooo it's me your guys favorite friendly pervy neighborhood consumer! Back with some more fics!

Yeaahh

Oh yeah I can totally sense your guys' excitement.

So this idea wasn't mine. I was lurking through the ROTTMNT fandom since recently I was too busy being dragged down the Record of Ragnarok fandom pit. It's like Hetalia all over again.

Anyways— I was lurking and came across one of my favorite creators ( @yanteetle ) that got a request for a fic. And like the idea was too good not to write a one-shot for it.

Like there was already a fic for it out there but, I thought I'd try my hand.

I really enjoyed writing this, I'll probably do another part except with the second idea with young Leo being little brother blocked by Casey Jr. cause Casey knows how Leo is with his future relationship with (y/n).

And maybe another one that has a different take on the first idea. But with a ✨ Age Gap✨. Cause man do I love myself a DILF.

Like brah there is no way you can't tell me future Leo isn't a DILF.

Anyways—

Enjoy the fic!

PICTURE NOT MINE! FOUND IT ON PINTEREST AND FELT LIKE IT WAS PERFECT-O

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Rushing water flooded the ancient channels that you were trudging through. The bottoms of your cargo pants were drenched despite being tucked into the openings of your pleather boots. Frigid rosey digits clung to the insides of the pockets to your cobalt colored coat. A shiver shot down your spine. Not from the chill of the down pour above you but rather, the ghost that didn't seem to want to leave you alone. Even now you were quite sure. Somewhere amongst the ruins of New York's sewer system, he was lurking. Never too far behind but, still too close for comfort.

You've been here for two years and five months in a few days according to the calendar that hung in your shared quarters. However you weren't planning on staying for the anniversary.

A brown satchel that hung from your shoulders carried all that you had for the perceived future until you could wrangle up some more scraps of rations from orphaned establishments on the road.

You weren't going back to the base. You refuse.

Onwards you marched. According to the directions Casey had given you it was just a little further until you reached a small opening that you would need to crawl through to get to the connecting manhole that would lead you straight out of the safe haven of the sewers and into the fry-pan of NYC city boundries. The teen even went as far as described an outpost just a couple miles Northwest towards New Jersey. Having scrambliled together a poorly drawn map of the terrain to gift you on your journey.

You and Casey both knew of the dangers there were trying to escape this place. Mutant or not. Though it didn't mean it was going to stop them from at least trying to free you from your gilded cage.

You had thanked the boy who had felt like a kid brother during your encampment at the base. Both shedding a tear for one another as you departed ways. Wishing the other luck as the world slowly continues to crumble around them. Unsure of the others fate.

The flashback helped to revitalize your will, spurring the need to flee as your pace began to pick up. Heart beat and foot falls mirroring another.

You didn't know how much longer you had before he caught up with you....

Speaking of the Devil.

A random splash not too far off sent you rocketing forward. Feet pounded through the stream of water lapping at your ankles. Unrelenting like the hunter that was behind you.

You didn't even want to look back. You feared if you did your knees would buckle at the very sight of his domineering form lunging for you.

Tokyo Drifting the corner, you spun to the left, a skirt of water splashing your legs once again, in further indirect efforts of creating a swimming pool in your boots.

He was fucking with you. You could tell.

If Leo was really being serious he would've captured you in his hold the moment he originally found you. Most likely had woken up due to the lack of your warm presence next to him in the cot you shared.

If you knew the red eared slider, which you felt at this point you did.

You knew he had been on your tail since the minute you left. Stepping foot outside the main body of the base.

°°°°°°°°°°°

"(Y/n)....? Honey...." Leo groaned half awake. It was the middle of the night and his body had suddenly woken him from the bliss of his dreams.

Tired olive hands searched the sheets for your figure...only to find the lack of it.

Dark eyes flew open.

You. Weren't. Here.

Out of the bed he sprung, eyes stabbed through the dark. Only to find the lack of you and your belongings that had been here when the two of you had gone to bed.

His mind flew into chaos at the realization however, unlike his adolescent self he was able to control his panic. He calmed his ragging breath remembering his father's sage advice to not let his feelings get the better of him. That it was unbecoming for a ninja and a leader.

Honestly Leo should've seen it coming.

He wasn't any genuis-boy Donnie by any means but, didn't mean Leo was a fool.

He had saw the signs for a while now.

Eagerly you'd volunteer for any job if it meant being at odd schedules with him. It didn't matter if it was patrol or scavenging, if it got you away from him, even for a little while, you did it.

When approached about it, you simply claimed that you wanted to be useful for The Resistance. Reassuring Leo that your desire for work came from your feelings of being needed rather than the lumbering turtle's overbearing presence being the cause behind your disappearing acts.

Leo being ever so observant would notice how your close comrades and Casey Jr. would also actively participate in these same runs with you.

Everytime.

Tigers gnawed at his stomach lining and baboons pounded in his chest when he thought about what they could be discussing. What they could be doing.

In the beginning you and Leo had been soooo close.

Since teenagers. He had known you even before you knew him.

He had saved you.

Him.

He was seventeen and feeling free. The Krrang hadn't attacked yet, he still had his arm, and Ralph wasn't dead.

You had been just another girl he came upon on a nightly patrol.

Beforehand he and Raph had gotten into another disagreement. Something stupid about him not being a team player and not listening to his comrades.

Whatever. Leo didn't care.

Leo was his own one-man show— he liked to believe. Although when the going got tough, he knew he had his brothers to fall back on. They relied on one another even if they didn't like to admit it all the time. They were children after all.

Squeaky sneakers and labored breaths filled the illuminated basketball court. Within the fenced primiters was a single girl shooting hoops. And not too badly for the self-proclaimed professional's standards if he did say so himself.

She kept herself grounded but, still agile. Launching the basketball from all the points lines, even the ones that have long since been faded by eroding weather and age. (h/l) (h/c) hair pulled back into a high poney tail that whipped around with her movements.

She was like a basketball ballerina dancing a Lebron James Swan Lake. It was ethereal.

Time passed like rain droplets down car windows. Before he knew it the similarly aged female was packing up getting ready to go. Obvious signs being the (2f/c)towel around her neck and the (f/c) sports jacket she threw on over her fitted tank top.

Alas Leo didn't have the right mojo to go pursue her. Nor the right disguise.

For the next few weeks(at least how long he felt it had been emotionally. He wasn't keeping track.) Leo would return to that same basketball court, eager to see the basketball ballerina again.

Sometimes she was there, sometimes not. When she was it typically was late, at least for human standards. And always alone. Leo felt for her but, didn't particularly mind since that meant there was no one to disturb the skilled performance.

The (y/c) haired girl would show up. Shoot some hoops for a while before walking away into the night.

Her (e/c) eyes always looked absent when she shot her baskets. Emotions didn't voice themselves on her neutral complexion. The only real thing that was direct about her was that she was focused with the task at hand. Which was shooting hoops.

Leo wasn't a hundred percent sure what led her to the rundown court almost every night but, he was grateful for the occurrence.

Until one night he wasn't.

Like the last few nights, the red eared slider teen came to the court to spectate his favorite four pointer dancer. Only to find a lack of her usual performance. Instead sat the empty eroding court.

It was two in the morning and his brothers would start wondering where he is soon.(Not that they weren't already curious where their blue bandana brother was going.) A light sprinkle had started to pick up overhead that pushed the olive turtle to call it night.

Standing up from the ledge the turtle was about to leap from his position but, only froze upon hearing laughter. Down below underneath the iridescent fluorescent lamps was you.

The obvious lack of your usual athletic attire suggested you weren't here to play basketball. Instead of a tank top with a pair of shorts; dark jeans hugged your hips complimented by a (2f/c) Lou Jitsu t-shirt and (f/c) sport jacket.

With said jacket you shielded yourself from the drizzle. The lighting made you look like you were glowing, the uncharacteristic smile on your face added to the image.

What broke the breath-taking view was by whom he assumed were your friends. The two of them ran after you into the court with their own grins plastered on their complexions.

The scene of the trio caused the red eared slider's stomach to bumble with jealousy. He wanted to be down there with you. The sound of your guys' conjoined laughter would make together would simply be the best. Leo didn't have a doubt about it.

If only.

For the next two hours the three humans ran through the city streets. Asphalt turned into water slides as they slid and skid. None of them aware of the mutant turtle following them from the rooftops.

By four, the other two humans who he learned names were Jonathan and Melissa(I know so unique) departed for the night.

(Y/n), as he overheard from your comrades, left to go your own way home.

Leo knew he shouldn't continue being out this late by himself. Especially without telling his brothers where. But, Leo couldn't pass up the chance to see where you lived.

By the time you got back to your apartment complex it was pushing five in the morning. Leo could make out from his spot hidden in the fire escape that you were an only child.

Apparent by the lack of anything in the unit. The only things that pointed towards any form of life were the pictures that hung on the plain beige walls.

Inside the cramped dingy apartment you procured yourself some top ramen before sitting on the old futon in the main room to watch some TV. Switching to a channel that played older movies.

Zapped onto the screen was an old Lou Jitsu film. The sight of the movie excited the red eared slider, hopeful thoughts of having similar interests made the monkey in his rib cage pound harder.

Before Leo knew it you were passed out with the remote in hand with the sun peeking out over the Manhattan bay.

Giving one last look towards you before retreating back into the sewers.

The following weeks passed by and Leo grew to like you more. Even if it's from a distance. Always excited when you appear whether it's on the court or in his dreams.

His heart was always so elated when he watched you perform. And the one time he's late of course some dumb delinquents want to mess up his usual date.

Upon arrival he could tell something was wrong right away. Your (f/c) bag sat on alone on the bench left halfway unzipped and abandoned. The ball you brought with you every time you came to the court was flattened and punctured.

Something was very wrong.

"Back off Creeps!"

It was your voice.

Leo not giving a moment's thought to the possibility of being seen by the public eye. Leapt from his perch down to the court.

Hidden off in the alleyway was you and a pair of petty thieves. One a mutant rooster the other just a normal ass-hat both dressed in stereotypical black attire.

"Shadap! If you'd just given us yer stupid wallet and phone from the start then we would've been gone already!" The rooster barked. His beak set in a displeased frown that matched his human accomplice's equally displeased sner.

Both were armed.

The human with a baseball bat, and the rooster with a small pocket knife.

Observing the scene, Leo quickly determined this would be a rather easy take down as long as he did it right.

"Stop the stallin' and give us yer cash!"

The rooster's feathers acting like fingers reached out for you. Instantly the rooster's right wing received a sudden shave.

"WTF!?" The avian mutant screeched using his left wing to clutch his clipped one to his chest.

Quick to defend from the unforeseen attack the human whipped around to swing his bat; .... only to find an empty space.

"What in the name of..."

"Aaghkk!" Straight in the face you had punched the rooster.

Leo swore his chest grew warmer at the action.

While Leo was temporarily distracted by your fists of fury, the ass-hat had swung at the olive-green turtle. Quickly the red eared slider dodged the attack to only return with his own. Easily slicing the bat into small unusable chunks.

Whilst Leo dealt with the ass-hat you fought the retaliating mutant chicken.

It was a somewhat fair fight considering the difference in DNA and physical capabilities.

You would've won too, had you not underestimated how strong a mutant chicken's punches were.

Next thing you knew you were K.O.ed. Your (H/c) head in a tizzy from bouncing your brain around in your cranium.

The blue bandana wearing turtle was not pleased by this.

The rooster gulped at the obvious displeasure emanating off the red eared slider. Not even having a chance to escape Leo swiftly knocked the chicken out before tying him up with his accomplice.

"Oh (Y/n).... I'm sorry I was late for the performance.." Leo apologized under his tired breath. Adoration gleamed in dark pools as he stared down at the object that plauged his dreams for last month.

Even with three digits per hand the sturdy turtle held you against his plastron securely as he returned you to your apartment.

The cold air whipped around the two of you as he sprinted across rooftops of Manhattan.

He was the happiest turtle alive having you in his arms. He never wanted to let you go.

But he did.

And how Leo missed you so dearly for the years that followed.

Not until he was pushing forty did he find you again.

New recruits weren't too much of an uncommon occurrence. However as leader it was his job to familiarize himself with his team to the best of his ability.

And when it came time to welcome in the greenhorns, there you were.

Despite the years that have added on your complexion you were still that beautiful basketball ballerina he found all those years ago.

His heart swelled.

Leo did his best to protect you better this time.

Even if, it meant keeping you here with him against your wishes.

Very quickly it was known amongst The Resistance how much you meant to the Commander.

Within six months he had you transferred under his supervision despite your skills aligning with General April's or even General Donnie's precincts.

It didn't matter.

Leo wanted you. And that was that.

There was no room to argue when it came to the leader's order.

Within the year, you were sharing quarters with the adult red eared slider and in the following months, his cot.

The few freedoms you found away from Leo were doing patrols or hanging with deceased General Cassandra's son.

Even then the interactions were limited.

It's hard to say no when the world around you is dying and you have no other choice in survival.

Which brings us back to the current present.

Racing like a bat out of hell you fleed your pursuer who was hot on your trail.

The basketball bunny runing from the hunter with a shell.

Oh God please! Please let me make this!

It was right in front of you.

Approximately two turns up ahead laid a small tunnel. It was a tight squeeze even for your stature but, if you could crawl far enough into there before Leo reached you. You'd make it.

You threw yourself into the stone wall. The rough texture scraped your palms but you didn't care. You kept running.

"(Y/n) please come back!" Leo hollered.

His voice was not far behind. He had to be literally on your tail.

This would be a miracle if you made this.

"(Y/n) wait! You can't leave!" Anger could be heard in his deep voice. The same tone he used when displeased with your behavior when socializing amongst your fellow comrades.

There it was!

Right there!

Not even thinking about it—

You dove for the small tunnel. Knees instantly bowed to the floor as you began crawling into the opening. The hole was disgusting but, you didn't mind that as you shuffled your body forwards.

" NO! " Leo growled.

A yelp escaped your throat. Clawing hands clasping around your ankle before attempting pull you back. Despite scraping at the edges of the rusted entrance. All it took was a single tug from the adult red eared slider to dragged you out of the small hideaway. Sadness and anger quick to take over his desperate senses.

"Why!? Why did you try to leave me!?" The mutant demanded.

You didn't know what to do. You were frozen. He caught you. You didn't plan for this. You hadn't really thought—

You really had hoped—

"(Y/n)! Answer me!"

"Is everything I do for you and your kind not enough? Why can't I have you?" Leo cried.

His aged but charming features stared you down with so much hurt. He loves you so much. Too much. So why would you go?

"I've always been there for you (Y/n)... my basketball ballerina...don't I...deserve you?" Leo reasoned. His voice displayed the hurt he felt as he reasoned with you.

Well more like manipulated.

"I love you so much.... I just can't lose you again."

Muscular arms pressed you against his plastron. Underneath it you could hear the bird fluttering in his ribs.

Your mind was running a mile a minute, terrified, flustered, unsure what comes next.

" I love you (y/n)...". Was the last thing your brain registered before feeling a pinch to the bundle of nerves in your neck. Falling limp like a ragdoll in the Commander's arms.

Releasing a sigh the tired adult red eared slider held you in the one-sided embrace for just a little longer. Relishing in the warmth from your body that wasn't accompanied by the small trembles from you.

The hug didn't last long before the mutant readjusted his hold on you so that you laid in his arms. Leo didn't mind doing this every once in awhile when the anniversary of your arrival came up. As long as you don't do it again for another year.

He would have to disperse that support group of yours....

Once back in the safe confinements of Resistance HQ; Leo made a B-line to your guys shared room. There he stripped you of your drenched coat and boots before tucking you back into the shared bed. In your spot next to him.

The blue bandana wearing turtle let out a tired yawn as he closed the door before crawling inside the sheets to lay besides you.

Leo was aware he was being selfish but, he just couldn't live without you. Not again. And certainly not in this cruel world that just wants to take away everything he holds dear.

Dark pools stared down at your resting face. His prosthetic hand lovingly caressed the soft skin of your face. Soothing both you and himself in the process.

Slipping away into the land of rest. Even while dreaming the Resistance Commander held on dearly to you.

Not allowing you the same chance to escape his embrace twice.

¶¶ Creator's Notes¶¶

Thank you for reading!

If you liked this part please enjoy part 2!

[dearlymrme]

Te lo meriti! (CopiaxReader)

Summary: A birthday present for my dearest @nocturnal-birb I did my best and hope you like it. This also goes out to all you folks who feel this way and need a Papa’s support and reassurance.

Copia x Reader || Papa Emeritus iv x Reader || Fluff || Comfort Fic || Established Relationship || Poorly Translated Italian || WC: 1716

You stand before Copia’s door with a manilla folder in hand full of official documents for him to sign off on. There’s a few about his next sermon, some to do with the next tour, and notices from the clergy.

You gently rapped your knuckles against his door, loud enough to get his attention while your other hand brushes invisible dust off your habit and straightens the small amount of wrinkles. You wish you had more time to tidy up. Your hair was being very uncooperative today and you had been in such a rush this morning that you had forgone makeup.

You hoped he wouldn’t mind that you didn’t look your best. However, knowing Copia, it’s not because of your makeup that he’s always staring at your face with his dopey lovesick eyes. You smile at imagining him getting distracted again in the midst of paperwork coercing you that neither of you get any work done.

“One minute!” You frown in concern at the sharpness of his voice, even behind the door. He sounds panicked.

“Papa?” You worry and jump when you hear a loud thump and yelp followed by cursing.

“Merda! Ti userò come legna da ardere!” It’s a hard thing to try and hold back a snicker when you hear him muttering curses at the furniture and wonder just what has him so unsettled that he’s bumping into things. You clearly caught him in the middle of something. You wait, expecting him to open the door but there is more shuffling from the other side before it goes quiet and then he clears his throat.

“Come in.”

You grab the handle and open the door, raising a brow at the dark room. The fireplace is out. The lights are off. The shades are drawn. The only light in the room is that from the now opened doorway, illuminating your Papa’s desk but even it is darkened by your own shadow. You tip your head curiously and reach for the light switch as you step into the room and close the door behind you.

For a split second the whole room was pitch black before you flip the switch and the lights came on, revealing…Just the office, but there are multicolored paper streamers hanging from the ceiling and not much else has changed besides the fact that on the coffee table to the side is a cake with candles and two glasses. It’s small but still just enough to make your stomach drop and the implications.

“Cazzo!” You're startled to set your gaze on the man right beside you. Copia, the most powerful figure in the church, your lover, was standing in such a position that he had to have been hiding in the shadow of the door when you opened it.

In his hand is a colorful cardboard cylinder, which he fumbles with awkwardly.

���Wait! Shit. I had this all planned out and-” He curses and you lift a hand to stop him.

“Copia.”

“AHA!”

And then there is a loud pop and glitter goes flying everywhere. You momentarily transfixed on the shimmering flakes as they catch the light and gracefully fall to the floor. The smell of the explosive breaks you out of your stupor and you glance back to Copia’s smiling and expecting face.

You open your mouth but no words come out and he misinterprets this as a good sign.

“It’s good, si? Took your breath away?” He grins and shakes his hands jazz-like to gesture at the cake and candles and streamers.

“I wondered why you never took your birthday off. You never even mentioned it, I had to look it up. Surprise!” He happily cheered. You bite your lip and take a unsteady breath as you walk over and drop the folder on his desk before turning and looking back at the door.

The brief idea of running away crosses your mind and then you look back to the small preparations he made for this and then at him who stands eager for your reaction, you flush with humiliation.

You lick your lip before crossing your arms over yourself and that causes him to drop his expecting smile. He tentatively approaches and begins to worry with his hands.

“Mia cuore, what is wrong? Don’t you like it?” He asked and you shake your head, looking down at the floor and rub at your arms with nervous energy

“It’s not that. It’s very nice Papa-” He flinches at the title because this is meant to be a moment between you, a happy moment, and when you are being happy together you use his name. You are not happy. You wince at your mistake, so clearly giving away your down mood that only goes further down. He worked hard on this, he wants to see you happy, you should be happy he went through all this effort.

“Copia.” You correct but the damage is done and he looks at you with worry and even a bit of hurt in his eyes. You lick your lips again as you try to figure out a way to explain it.

“Did I do something wrong?” He asked and you quickly shook your head.

“No, you didn’t do anything wrong. I’m the problem. I don’t-” You gesture and swallow the knot forming in your throat. Your voice goes tight and what you say ends up a mutter in your shame.

“Say that again?” And you take a deep breath, dropping your arms and curling your fingers into fists at your side.

“You didn’t have to do this for me.”

“Of course I did. Today is a special day.” You shake your head and deny.

“No, you shouldn’t have…I…I’m not worth it.” You say, gesturing to the decorations, meager as they may be, he went and took time out of his busy schedule to put this together.

“You probably had so many other things you could have been doing.” You huff a pathetic attempt at a laugh to try and lighten your own mood but fail. “

Hell, I came to deliver you more paperwork. This is a busy time of the year for you, you know.” You clear your throat and then start to babble as you try to distract from the fact that you feel like absolute shit. Because he went through all this effort and you can’t even muster a smile at him.

You didn’t deserve it. You didn’t deserve him.

“You’ve got the new tour to worry about. Assignments from the clergy. The sermons for next week. Meetings with officials from the Norwegian abbey in a month and-” You gesture to yourself.

“I’m like…You shouldn’t have taken time to…You got other things you could be doing than waste throwing me a party.” You snicker wetly and shake your head, “We need to work on getting your priorities in the right order.”

Copia gives a shocked gasp and you can’t even muster the courage to look at him, focused on the floor and the glitter that litters the carpet and will most certainly be a pain for the cleaners.

“Sorry, I’m gonna-” You make a move to leave and are halted as he snatched up one of your hands.

“Cara mia.” He says adoringly, sympathetically, concerned. You bite your lip and sniffle as it starts to strike at your heart. You still cannot meet his eyes, ashamed of the emotion that litters his voice that he’s wasting on you.

“Look at me?” He suggests in a gentle tone and when you still refuse he gently cups you by the chin with his thumb and guides your head up. Your eyes remain on the floor and your cheeks burn. “Amore, please.”

That breaks you and you finally look at him and wince when you see heartbreak in his eyes. It makes you feel one hundred percent worse.

“La mia amica del cuore. You listen carefully.” You nod as a tear streaks down your cheek.

“My priorities are in order.” He explains.

“Getting you to smile, to be happy, to blush and to laugh?” He smiles at you and moves his hand from your chin to wipe away your tears.

“That is one of my highest priorities.”

It absolutely strangles your heart that such a sweet man can say such sweet things to you, of all people, he says these things to you. And the way he looks at you with such a soft expression and concern on his face as he brings your hand to his lips and presses gentle kisses to your knuckles.

It makes you choke and flush embarrassedly.

“I think this is a momentous day, you know.” You sniff and don’t resist when he pulls you close before wrapping his arms around you, thumbing your shoulder gently and pressing a hard kiss to the top of your head. “This is the day you were born, mia cuore. And if you hadn't been born I would have never met you.”

“I don’t know who has told you or led you to believe that you're not worth celebrating but I have some harsh words for them.” He clicks his tongue. “Who? Who has told you that you are not worth it?” He asks you and you shrug, neglecting to answer but he picks up the silent clue too well.

“Oh, well then I have some harsh words for you.”

He places another kiss on your head and hits you with what he deems are cold hard facts.

“You are worth it.” He kisses your forehead.

“You do deserve it.” And he tips your head up once more to claim your lips with his own.

“I love you, mia amore.”

“And I will throw as many birthday parties as it takes before you start believing it. I will not rest until I get these tears of sadness to turn into tears of joy.” He promises before claiming your lips again in a sweet peck.

You sniff before wrapping your arms around his chest and nuzzling your face into his shoulder. A tremble runs through you as he glides his fingers through your hair and strokes your arm.

It’s spoken like a promise. It’s kept like a vow.

“As many hugs. As many kisses. As many parties. As many presents. As many as it takes before you see yourself as worthy of it as I do. Anything and everything, my heart.”

[rogueddie]

Stranger Things: The First Shadow

This is going to be a full review; starting with production, some characterization issues and some of the plot holes.

But, before I get into the spoilers, I would just like to clarify my biggest issue; these characters are not the same characters that we see in the show. Every play demands suspension of disbelief, but it was completely impossible with this play.

I knew the play would be bad when I got my tickets. I didn't think I would have a bad time watching it.

warning; I am about to level a truly gruesome amount of critisism at the stage show. if you liked it, I'm glad you did; this is just my opinion and experience xoxo

My Review:

The production was, physically, beautiful. The designs and use of space was extremely well done. Some of the ways they used the screens and projections was stunning. It had the potential to add a lot to the story.

The sets are easily the strongest part of the production. The use of screens, levels and painted background- especially in the introduction- were stunning. It doesn't feel overwhelming and it makes it almost easy to remain engaged in both scenes playing out at once.

The design for the lab, too, is extremely well made. Having a box that can be rolled onto the stage is the perfect idea for the scene- it appears even smaller thanks to the contrast with the larger stage and the bright lights in white walls, the set feels ominous.

Unfortunately, the production ended up sabotaging itself. They default to special effects, screens and pyrotechnics to create the experience instead of trusting their designs or actors. It makes it seem like they are trying to hide their designs instead of enhancing them.

The introduction scene is the perfect example. The smoke machine initially added to the scene, it added an element of reality that could have drawn the audience in.

But, with how the smoke machine was overused, it ended up hiding the second set used in the "boat scene". In the stalls, I could barely see anything and was drawn out of the show completely and immediately- instead of watching a play, suddenly I'm worrying about whether I need to get my inhaler or not.

They overused everything. The screens were used so often that I have to wonder why they didn't just make a short movie instead of a play.

Similarly, the pyrotechnics were immediately overused- the first scene should not be making me wonder if you are using all of the visually compelling tricks in the first five minutes. But to keep using them at the same frequency? It makes it seem like you are more interested in making something look cool and care very little for the story you are supposed to be telling.

The lighting and music was simply poor. Half the time I couldn't hear what the actors were saying due to the music blasting at a painfully loud volume and, in scenes where the actors are clearly giving a brilliant performance, they are so poorly lit that they might as well not bother.

The poor lighting was very similar the show though. Props to them for managing that horrendous feat.

The directing definitely didn't help. The actors use of space is so poor and unnatural that, at least, I hope it was the director.

The lab set, for example; the actors both left the box set made. Henry's character roams the entire length of the stage, which makes the small lab set feel entirely pointless. His character never feels trapped or in any way boxed in by the box set. Instead of adding to the scene, it takes away- it's a giant set design that is ignored or takes up space in a way that is obtrusive.

On a positive note, I would like to point out that most of the actors did a phenomenol job. But I would especially like to emphasize how well Anika Boyle, Christopher Buckley, Oscar Lloyd, Louis McCartney and Isabella Pappas did. I can't wait to see what they do next.

Unfortunately, they're brilliant performances could do nothing to save a script that had already doomed them and their characters.

Doctor Brenner is easily the biggest problem when it comes to the characters. I'm not sure if it was the actor, the director or simply the writing, but he is the worst part of the entire play. He has no discernible motivation, none of his actions make sense with his character- if he can even be called a character. The show twists him so much that he becomes a caricature that bares no resemblence to the Doctor Brenner we see in the show.

Throughout the show, he's constantly encouraging Henry to kill. Literally, he verbally tells Henry to kill people. It's completely different to the sly and manipulative Brenner we see in the show- and not in a way that would make sense for him to have evolved from the stage Brenner to the show Brenner.

"Kill her," Doctor Brenner, The First Shadow, 2k23. Why does he say this? Uh... he wants the big scary interdimensional monster. Why does he want that? Uh... HEY, LOOK OVER THERE, PYROTECHNICS!

Henry Creels issues mostly stem from plot holes and retconning well established canon. In the show, he is not a victim and that fact is made abundantly clear. It's not that he's tricked into thinking he's in control, he simply is. The stage show tries to completely turn that on it's head and make him the poor little victim to something that, in canon, he made.

If he was a different character, or if we are to take the stage show as an au of sorts, I think he's pretty well written. His motivations and powers are well established. We, as the audience, understand his thought process. He is a believable character... even if the 'siezures' do often come across as nonsensical, borderline silly.

Hopper, Joyce and Bob were almost perfect too. It's something that has been slowly irritating me more and more- they could have easily been the protagonists, taking attention away from plot holes and poor characterization. They were strong enough as a trio and well written enough to be- almost- convincing.

I'm not sure how to explain my issues with Hoppers character in the show without it boiling down to 'dissappointing'. Nothing about the arc he goes through makes sense to me and it feels like the show forced him into the ending he had simply to remind the audience of the show, despite it making no sense with the story or arc that his character went through during the show.

My issues with Joyce are both- it breaks canon for her to know so much, so intimately, and her ending is also incredibly forced. The budding enemies-to-lovers that she had with Hopper also led to the ending feeling unsatisfying. It feels like the growth is for nothing.

The characters in the background too, somehow, are full of just as many flaws.

Claudia is the perfect example. When her cat is killed by Henry, she is immediately ready to start a literal witch hunt. She's insistant and frequant about it. There's even a small scene where she is seen to be irritating with how much she brings up her witch theory.

Yet, she stops talking about that very suddenly. She doesn't express as much as distaste for the play- about witches and killing. She's actually excited.

Her pets death and her character are important, but only until the plot demands she be quiet so they can move on, hoping that the audience will somehow forget this somewhat major B plot.

I could go on forever about the characters. A lot of the plot holes stem from how poorly they're handled and how much they immediately change to fit the narrative around Henry. None of them act like people and the play does not treat any of them like they, as characters, matter at all. They are just people to fill the space whilst Henry and Patty have a love story.

But, even then, the characters the play seems to care about are completely mishandled as well.

Joyce, in her introduction, spends most of in trousers and a bra. She's supposed to be a student in high school. It feels weird to ask your audience to watch someone standing on a stage in their underwear whilst also asking them to believe she is underage. It is so incredibly uncomfortable to think about. She didn't need to be topless for as long as she was.

Pattys ending made no sense. She died, but also she went to see her mother. So... she's alive? But also she's dead. But she's there, physically, so she must be alive... but also it's made clear that she died.

Eleven being 10(ish?) in the end made no sense with the timeline. They reduce characters to badly told jokes; Ted the idiot and Karen the blonde "slut".

I don't have the energy to go over the plot. There are so many holes and problems that it would take forever to deal with act one alone.

But, to summerize; this play had a lot of potential. There are parts that were almost brilliant and there are a lot of incredibly talented people working on it behind the scenes. The way all of that talent and potential is wasted for something as simple as lack of effort in the writing and directing? Dissappointing is not a harsh enough word.

0.5 / 10

[mysticstarlightduck]

Character Voice Tag!

Thanks for the tag @willtheweaver (here)!!! I'll go with the main cast from Of Starlight and Beasts for this one (:

MY LINE WAS: Yeah, I deserved that.

YOUR LINE IS: I don't know what I was expecting but I'm disappointed in your decision either way - because what the heck was that?

Corah - "Well, one thing's for sure: that wasn't undeserved - I really should've seen it coming, that's on me."

Arammys - "Oh Gods, that went so wrong - I deserve what happened, that was a terrible idea, and I take full responsibility for it but still... that was such a bad plan, oh Gods."

Eidan - "I should've known that this would be the outcome but I was too hasty to notice. I deserve to face the consequences for my actions."

Nimwen - "Sorry, sorry, sorry! Oh, goodness, oh Gods that went so wrong so fast. If someone is to blame for what happened that person is me, but I still should've been more careful. I'm so sorry!"

Tomasa - "Yep, no use running from the inevitable. Time to face the outcome of my poorly planned decisions. Lay it all out for me, and don't be shy. I'm a tough cookie."

Masen - "Fuck. Yeah, I'm not sticking around to find out what that's gonna cause, sorry not sorry. So, no hard feelings whatsoever guys, but I've gotta bounce. See y'all around? (winks)"

Kyran - "Oh. That... isn't ideal. Okay. Okay, okay, I can handle this, I should've seen this coming after all. I hope I can handle this. So...here's what we're going to do: we're getting the fuck out of here, right now. Because I don't deserve whatever they've got in store for me. Does anyone have explosive powder? I think can improvise a plan."

Maryon - "That was well deserved, I will admit. I made a mistake and it caught to up to me. I guess it is only fair I face whatever comes next - running will only drag things out. It's best to just get it over with., like ripping out an old bandage"

Florynce - "(In a drawn out, wispy voice) Somethings gone wrong. (squeaks) Somethings not as it should be and it's not right and it's my fault. Should I stay and face my fate? Is it what would be proper? (gives a little vampiric squeak, clearly starting to panic) I don't know what to do anymore"

Rin - "Hells no I'm not facing the consequences of that. (pats the person next to him in the back) Sorry pal, this was nice while it lasted, but you know what they say - survival of the fittest, and all that. Oh and be a darling: do tell the guards I said hi, I'm sure you'll have lots to talk about if you still have your head after this. Don't be a stranger! (flies away)"

Elias - "Oh, sink me! (groans, exasperated) I told you this was a bad idea, but who the fuck listens to me in this fucking shithole, eh?! Where the hells is my cutlass?! I'm going to fix this mess - one you should've fixed yourselves but never fucking mind that - properly this time. That's what I get for listening to you bufoons. I deserve this one. Lesson damn well learned."

Leora - "This was the worst idea I've ever had and the execution of this plan made it even more atrocious. I admit my wrongdoing and sincerely apologize. These circumstances are to be expected after what I did - and what terrible leader would I be if I didn't admit my own mistakes. Tell me what I can do to fix this, and consider it done."

Bastien - "My actions were suboptimal and their consequences deplorable. I accept full reponsibility for whatever trouble my actions may have cause and am willing to atone for it fully, whatever your verdict should be it will have been deserved."

Scarlet - "Shit. Okay, yeah. That one is on me - I screwed up big time, I really did. That seriously didn't go the way I thought it would, I don't know why I'm still surprised."

Tagging (gently, no pressure):@littleladymab @cabbojage @lassiesandiego @little-peril-stories @oh-no-another-idea @thepeculiarbird @rickie-the-storyteller @crowandmoonwriting @steh-lar-uh-nuhs @gummybugg @forthesanityofstorytellers @doublegoblin @aalinaaaaaa @starlit-hopes-and-dreams @elshells @illarian-rambling @clairelsonao3 @conkers-thecosy @anyablackwood,and OPEN TAG

[your-fave-adopted-you]

Hello!

Can I make a request with the guardians who find out that in another world fem!MC didn't have a good father figure? She has suffered psychological trauma and is afraid of men. Therefore fem!MC literally cries every time the guardian shows concern for her or gives her some kind of gift, because her father never did it.

Thank you for considering my request!

— anon🍤

We're really in it for the daddy issues huh, anon? well, same.

Guardian! School staff + fem! Mc with a shitty father back in her Home- world

Characters : Dire Crowley, Divus Crewel, Mozus Trein, Ashton Vargas

TW : Crowley being delusional. Slight mentions of emotional abuse.

Context : (y/n) is always doing her best as both a student and a classmate, helping people all the time and studying must be exhausting! her guardian knows that, and as recognition for her efforts, he sends her a gift. (Not Trein tho, he has enough kids to notice somethings wrong right away)

But wait, why is she frowning like that?

Dire Crowley

Oh! what a good student you are! what a kind classmate, no doubt!

of course all thanks to your amazing role model.

You're such a good kid! you never complain when your beloved dad asks for tiny little favors!

unlike your crusty, musty, almost rodent- excuse for a roommate

Ah, yes! such a great attitude is worthy of a sweet, sweet reward, right?

when you go back to Ramshackle after your classes, you notice a package in front of the door.

it has a note on it.

"Like father, like daughter! thanks for being such a great example for the others, (y/n)! ( please, open this inside)"

it also has a little poorly drawn picture of himself smiling and waving in the back of it.

when you get inside and you open it, it has ten claw-shaped silver rings, similar to the ones your guardian is always wearing.

you put them on one by one, and stare at your hands for a while.

you're frowning.

in fact, you feel your cheeks get warm, your eyes water.

what is this?

Crowley literally spawns out of nowhere, from behind you.

He rushes to see what's wrong.

you don't even question his presence, i mean, it's Crowley.

he's probably been there for a while, just to see your genuine, grateful reaction to his amazing gift!

and now you're crying.

"Are you okay, y/n ?? Does it hurt your skin???" he says noticing you're not wearing gloves underneath. "wait you're not fae either way... what's wrong????"

Your weird-ass dad is worried sick and that only makes you more emotional.

you two sit down on one of the couches.

You see, Crowley is not the best person on earth, let alone guardian.

In fact, in a lot of ways he's very questionable.

you knew that.

And still he was so much better than your actual father back home.

He had never ever insulted you, or shouted at you while he watched you cry.

It's true that sometimes he could be a little off-putting, but you never felt the need to be alert in his presence.

And when he gives you a gift it's not something he doesn't want, hell, it isn't any kind of up-front payment for any favor.

it wasn't an apology.

it was just a gift.

and for some reason, there's something so heartbreaking about that notion, there's so much grief that you're feeling, and have no idea of what to do with it.

so things like this do happen, huh?

you didn't want to think you hated men. it was stupid to hate half of the population.

And yet you always found yourself avoiding your teachers, and many students, except for Epel, for some reason.

Crowley was a good reason as to why believe that men in general were straight up sketchy.

And still, there he was. Silently by your side. waiting for you to let it all out. (confused, but trying)

Maybe he wanted to hug you, he wasn't sure if he should.

You just covered your face with your clawed hands.

Once you were done crying, you looked at them silently.

you weren't alone anymore. And the tears shining as they slid off the silver were proof of that.

By the way, Crowley is finally researching how to reach your world, but just so he can punch your father in the gut.

Divus Crewel

In Crewels eyes, you were the perfect kid. No questions asked.

You were always sincere about anything he asked you regarding his appearance.

"What do you think about this new tie, y/n?" "Do you think the socks and my coat are mismatched today? i have the impression..." "Hey, pup! is it noticeable that I'm wearing scarlet gloves today, instead of the usual crimson?"

Also, you showed to be quite determined and responsible, which was amazing but,

you were always alone, for some reason.

Anyone would think you were just very shy and introverted.

He kinda knew there was more to that but he also thought it would be better to let you open up to him about that subject.

also, you kept asking him to do your projects alone, in potionology, alchemy and so on, you always insisted in not having a partner, stuff like that.

even with this habit of taking all the work to yourself, you had pretty decent grades, so he decided to buy you a gift.

after your last class of the day, your guardian texts you, he has a surprise for you, so come see him!

When you do, he's waiting for you holding a beautifully wrapped box.

you open it and....!

there's a plushie of a puppy inside!

"Do you like it, pup? would you at least let him accompany you?"

you stay silent.

"it reminded me of you... Hey, are you okay?"

Why are you holding the plush like that, sinking your fingers on it? so tight that it looks like you want to suffocate it?

And why isn't Crewel immediately asking for something in return?

why does he look actually concerned, instead of expecting?

And most important, why are you asking yourself that?

"how much did it cost...?" you ask faintly.

"Why would you ask me that? y/n, are you okay?"

"Sorry, i didn't mean to-" and there they are, the tears that had been blurring your vision.

Since you got here, on Twisted Wonderland, no one has really treated you like back at home.

The boys tend to be kind and chaotic, and if they try to tease you they're immediately scolded by the teachers.

Right, the teachers. Your new guardian, Crewel never treated you with disrespect, he didn't scream at you like your father did, he was sassy on occasion, but he never insulted you.

But you weren't as relieved by that as you thought you should be, so

why were you so mad? so enraged?

why was your blood boiling while you stared at the cute puppy you were holding?

Because you had always deserved that, that's why.

Because it's right now, and not sooner, that you're finally experiencing the treatment you had always deserved.

Because you didn't even know what was it like to be loved and appreciated by your father, you only knew that yours was failing you at that.

you finally let yourself cry like a baby, Crewel, unsure of what to do, hugs you from the side and lets you complain about how you hated how your father back at home treated you.

You thank him for the gift and finally express your issue with men in general, you had to grow wary of them as a result of your home life.

next day you suddenly have a partner for the next upcoming project, and it seems like it's a certain someone that is more than glad to help you, and that will be patient no matter what.

Mozus Trein

I tell you, this man knows what's up.

He got really mad at you once, you kept dozing off during his lesson and threw a tiny piece of chalk at you.

obviously it wasn't meant to hurt you or anything

but your reaction was... strange.

just by raising his hand he noticed that you were... a little startled.

you flinched even before the chalk flew towards you, like if you fully expected it.

It was the first and last time he did that, because he didn't quite like that look on your face.

also, you apologized a little too many times about that.

For goodness sake, you hadn't killed his cat or anything.

So yeah, he kept an eye on you after that.

He noticed that you didn't like to hang out with your peers, it was strange

Because personality wise, you were nothing like, let's say, mr.Shroud.

Today, you're not even looking at him in the eye.

Suspicious.

when he asks about homework, you mutter that Grim ate it.

Now, don't misinterpretate this situation ok?

he believes you

But Grim is your roommate, you LIVE WITH HIM

listen. you know him. YOU SHOULD'VE KNOWN BETTER THAN PUTTING YOUR HOMEWORK IN A PLACE WHERE HE COULD REACH IT.

It's your responsibility yk you're the one living with a literal monster.

As scary as Mr.Trein sounds, the rest of the students are laughing their ass off behind their books

and i don't blame them.

but you're starting to get a little too upset.

So you get up and and go away.

you were crying. literal tears???? but why????

he had only raised his voiced a little.

It wasn't even that big of an issue-

why were you crying???

you're more embarrassed than upset ngl

when the lesson ends you're a bit more calm, and he calls you in.

He knows that you've been crying.

You know he knows.

what a mess.

after apologizing a million times for leaving earlier, he finally asks you directly.

was he really that scary?

Since you've had time to think, you explain what kind of home life you had before and that in retrospective, it may had fucked you up a little bit.

after a very uncomfortable silence, maybe you can't tell-

But his gaze has softened.

"y/n, dear... that is not going to happen again, and I'm personally responsible for your wellbeing so, if i try and show more patience, could you perhaps gift me some of your trust?"

yeah it's definitely easier said than done.

Still, the following days every time you fuck up he will teach you how to do things right, instead of angrily asking you why you didn't get them right in the first place.

it's a little step at a time, but you're already feeling better.

Also, Grim is a great ice breaker, you find out that half of your classmates are straight up himbos.

you're safe here.

Ashton Vargas

this is yet another overly proud dad.

he will refer to himself as your dad no matter what. you're his kid now alright.

Truth is, you two don't have a lot in common, at least interest-wise.

but he appreciates you for always trying your best.

lately he had noticed you yelling obscenities at the tv.

you're not really into sports but you've been watching the sport's channel a lot.

turns out there was certain team from certain academy that you ABSOLUTELY DESPISED

so you watch their competitions just to pray on their downfall. It's really satisfying seeing them lose especially since they are so popular.

Ashton finds this so entertaining omg

It's almost as funny as watching the first time Mr.Ashengrotto tried to get on a broom.

next weekend he surprises you with two tickets to their next game!

you are so excited!!

since the very minute the game starts you insult them every chance you get, every time they mess up.

your guardian is also having the time of his life seeing you so invested.

Dad is so proud of his little hater girl!!!

suddenly the crowd goes silent.

there's so much tension in the air!!!

AAAAAAND BY 3 POINTS THOSE ASSHOLES HAVE LOST!!!! HAHAHAHA!!!!

you jump and cheer, to no one in particular actually.

then he notices you're tearing up a little.

"what's wrong? did you actually want them to win???" he shouts so you can hear him

you look at him as tears run down your face, at first you have a big smile on your face but then...

Your guardian can be a little too much at times.

He can be tiring, sometimes he can be very hard headed.

But he always means well.

Since you got to twisted wonderland, he's the one you come after when you're scared, or tired, or sad.

he's very good at being a dad!

oh you can tell.

because never in your life you would be living a moment like this back at home.

it's a bittersweet feeling, really.

Because your own father could not even treat you like a person with, actual feelings most days.

And then, this teacher that knows so little about your previous life is so open to help you whenever you need, to lift up your spirits and push you to be better...

when you arrived you were intimidated by the rest of the school staff but honestly this man has made everything easier.

is it enough reason to feel so moved?

maybe, who knows...

you will tell him everything he should know about what kind of challenges you went through

but now,

right now,

This stupid team that you hate so much has lost yet another time.

[ell-arts]

There's a ton of strange things going on with this show, including using parodies (namely the Terminator for "Stand By Your Pac-Man" and The Wizard of Oz for "The Wizard of Odd".

All it does is aid to the already large filler that no one (or close to it) particularly needed. Not to mention the crass jokes that started showing up as early as episode 2.

Episode. Two.

So here's my question: What made you stay in the Fandom after the shows untimely cancelation? Was it for the memes and shitposts that people made off It? Or was it for the idea that, in a way, it had more potential to it?

Personally it's both the former and latter, but I've always wanted to know what made someone stay in this weird phase of Pac-Man history

That's a loaded question XD

First, I must acknowledge that my answer is only one perspective out of many. Other fans may have varying reasons for why they stayed in the fandom.

So, as for me?

I'm a simple person. I'm easily entertained :)

It's the little things that I am drawn to. Not the crass/toilet humour, of course, but I like the little design details and how the main trio looks out for each other, and some of the funny shenanigans that the ghosts end up in. I can block out/ignore the poorly done bits and genuinely enjoy the rest of it that was fun to watch.

I really don't mind the amount of parodies, I think each of them at least had something that was still relevant to the story - Stand By Your Pac-Man set the stage for Apex's reveal (in that the Pacinator revealed it was someone else who completely wiped out the yellows, however brief the reveal may be), and while Wizard of Odd was more filler than anything else, I still found enjoyment in it and we got a bit of lore on other parallel dimensions being a thing in the universe. The one parody episode I can think of that was 100% filler and probs unnecessary was Rip van Packle.

I'll admit, PMATGA is not the best show nor can I pretend that it's as great as other stories I'm interested in, like The Chronicles of Narnia or HTTYD. Whenever new people ask me what shows I'm interested in, I make a big effort not to mention PMATGA lmao. It's a guilty pleasure, simple as that.

To be honest, it was neither the memes nor the wasted potential that I stayed for (trust me, 15-year-old me was actually quite miffed about people dissing my favourite show at the time XD).

I stayed because I had sort of build up my own sets of fanons and theories of the show that I could latch onto, and build up upon for years to come, because the characters of this show are surprisingly good to use as a foundation for bigger and more epic stories, sort of like that one meme where the world you created in your head about the show is better than the show itself lol. I guess that did stem out of the show's wasted potential.

And, well, hyperfixation is a thing, innit? That definitely played a small role in why I stayed.

Over the years my interest in the show did wean a little, and up until the beginning of the year, I had been entirely inactive in the fandom. Perhaps I did lose interest in the show then. But I didn't lose interest in the fan stories I've come up with in the meantime. I guess that's the biggest reason why I stayed - I started something with my fanfics, and I've spent a lot of time building up their plots, so much so that to just leave it all now would feel wrong. Especially since I still get enjoyment out of them.

It ends up being a domino effect in and of itself tbh, because as I write more for the fanfics that I refuse to abandon, the more stories and fan content I come up with, and so the drive continues for as long as it's capable of doing so.

[enmusthighs]

Had an idea for an AU (because I’m unsatisfied with the zombie episode’s wasted potential 😤). Also this is the first I’ve ever tried to write out a fandom concept so sorry if it sounds bad 😅

Basically when Shockwave tries to put Starscream’s optic out on that spike of cybermatter, Starscream’s hand slips and he’s impaled all the way through the back of his head. Shockwave and Megatron are both a little stunned, but just before Megatron can order Starscream’s corpse be removed and melted down, he starts struggling to get off the spike on his own. While they’re both shocked he’s alive, he ends up being seen to by Knockout and besides an obvious hole through the Optic and processor, he appears to be functioning just fine.

Later on he starts getting spacy and forgetful. It’s enough cause for concern for Knockout but as per Megatron’s usual character he doesn’t care so long as his duties are getting done.

Just the next day he’s missing. After a short search they find he collapsed against a wall somewhere, cybermatter having taken root and grown through his entire head. Which wouldn’t be much of a problem, if it wasn’t now puncturing and growing inside the walls. Rapidly.

Now that the walls ceiling and floor seem to just be full of these spears, you can bet other troops are likely going to snag or prick themselves on it.

(As an unrelated sidenote I can’t take my own thoughts on this seriously 😭. I pictured a poorly drawn nemesis growing quills like a porcupine and then falling out of the sky and blowing up)

[fangirlfindings]

I Dream of Rukia was so much fun and so nostalgic for me - I remember watching reruns of I Dream of Jeannie when I was a kid, late at night.

So I'd love the Director's Cut of that fic 👀

Ahh thank you! I’m so glad you enjoyed it- I also grew up watching I Dream of Jeannie, so it was a great nostalgia trip to revisit it while thinking of how to adapt it to IchiRuki.

There’s not a whole lot that was ‘cut’ from the fic (I had more ideas for prequel or sequel hijinks) but there were a few things I had in my notes that didn’t quite fit in the fic itself. 

My favorite part is a blink-and-you miss it reference to Rukia dressing as a nun as one of her disguises at Ichigo’s office. It went something like this:

A short figure draped in black and white swept down the office hall. Mayuri watched her pass, continued on his way towards a corner, and then stopped. He called out and rushed in front of her. “Wait! Who are you? What are you doing here?!” The woman under the habit- of a style not seen for a hundred years- gave him an overly sweet, reassuring smile, with enough acting confidence to make Julia Roberts jealous. Then, in an airy tone, reassured him there was no reason to worry, she knew where to go in the building, and that she was helping with an exorcism.  Before Mayuri could respond, she glided out of sight. He rushed to tell Mr. Yamamoto. But as soon as the words escaped his lips, and his boss stared at him incredulously, Mayuri had the overwhelming urge to go lie down. 

Sadly, I didn’t get a chance to mention Hanatarou! He’s a genie friend of Rukia’s, although with a different skill level:

Hanatarou was a genie in the way that the Professional Golf Association included mini-golf. All the tools were technically there, but while one was a respected sport, the other mainly consisted of crying children and empty wallets. Hanatarou never meant to cause harm. He simply had trouble with his powers from time to time. 

Then there’s the ‘Viking friend’ Rukia gave Ichigo one day:

She had met a Viking, once. He was retired for some twenty-three years, having plundered until his heart was no longer in it. It was always a shame when one’s hobbies weren’t enjoyable anymore. The consequence of years gone past, and of growing old. The speeding of time that not even a genie could stop. Not usually, anyway. Although Rukia had never tried.  But Rukia was certain he would be lively company to Ichigo during his dreary, lonely workday.

Finally, when Rukia was looking to spruce up Ichigo’s house, I cut one idea in particular:

Rukia blinked, and a rather bland framed portrait of a countryside was replaced with an oil portrait of a woman. It was an unremarkable painting in every regard, except for the fact that it was the Mona Lisa.  “How’s this any better?” Ichigo squinted at the picture. “You can get cheap prints like this anywhere.” Rukia snorted. “You insult me. You believe I would get a mere copy? I have higher standards than that.” He let out a strangled sound and jerked away from the portrait. “Y-You can’t do that! It’s- won’t someone notice?!” “It is alright,” she said with a pleased smirk. “It is taken care of.” - Continents away, within the halls of the Louvre, a gaggle of tourists crowded around a wall. It was completely blank except for a small note. It read: ‘Will return after dinner’. A poorly drawn rabbit waved from the corner.  - Later in the evening, Yamamoto’s wife peered at the painting closely with a keen eye. “I’ve seen my fair share of art. We collect them, you know.” She squinted. “Not a bad imitation… I’ve seen better, though.” -

Finally, by the time the evening was done, news had spread about the ‘Bunny Bandit’ who stole the Mona Lisa. News Specials were aired. Internet theories began to form. Tourists asked for refunds. Then, the painting appeared back in its rightful place. It was blamed on Banksy. The story slipped quietly into the depths of the internet; with Ichigo and Rukia none the wiser. 

Anyways, I know this isn’t a full ‘Director’s Cut’, but I hope these extra tidbits were enjoyable nonetheless! Thank you for asking! <3

[frost-queen]

A writer’s muse (Male!Reader x Count Olaf)

Requested by: anon, Forever tag: @missmelodramatic, @theletterhart, @alex--awesome--22​, @elllie-does-the-posts​, @floatlosers​, @merlieve​, @queen-of-books​, @glimmering-darling-dolly​, @denkisclown​, @wildieflower​, @meyocoko​, @bubblybrianna​, @justanothercoco​ @idkwhatmyusernam,  @subjecta13-thefangirl

The lights light up as the curtain dropped. The entire theatre clapped slowly and unsure what to think of the play they just witnessed. You were vigorously writing on the top paper of your stack. Idea’s flooding through your mind as you had to write them all down. Bits and pieces of scenes. The person beside you gave you a curious glance. You were so occupied with your own fantasies that you could care less. The spotlight shot onto the curtains. 

The curtains ruffled as one tried to get through. Count Olaf stepped out in the open, taking a deep bow. – “Thank you, thank you.” – he recited with a theatre bow. Grand and luxurious. Your head shot up; eyes wide on him. Dropping your pen, you started clapping loud. Louder than anyone else. Count Olaf’s attention got drawn to it, seeing you clap excitedly. You certainly stood out as no one else clapped this approving to him. Count Olaf extended his arm out to you.

“Thank you!” – he said kissing his palm that he waved at you. Your chest rose at your deep inhale. What an honor it was that he noticed you. Count Olaf motioned to the person in charge of the spotlight letting him know to cut it. The light blacked out. He straightened his vest. The curtains flew up as he made his escape through it.

You gulped collecting all of your papers in a messy pile. – “Sorry… could you…” – you said getting up. You gestured for passage. The man beside you puffed as he tucked his belly in. – “Thank you.” – you responded passing him. – “Forgive me… thank you… If you would be so kind…” – you kept saying urging your way out of the seat row. People murmured leaving a way open for you. Some pulled their legs up, others got up to let you pass.

“Thank you.” – you breathed out, hopping out of the row as your foot got caught with another pair of legs. – “Maniac!” – someone huffed at you. You exhaled brief, looking back at the seat row. You then started running down the steps. – “Excuse me!” – you called out, jumping between a couple that got up to leave. 

You bumped hard against someone as they fell to the ground. – “Sorry!” – you apologized without pausing. You needed to catch him before he left. The person on the ground rose their fist to you, scolding. You ducked down under a pair that were about to take their coat. – “Hey!” – they said as you clumsily proceeded your way.

You came to the backstage door. You were about to simply pass through when a tall blunt man stopped you. – “No passage.” – he said making you sigh. – “I won’t take long… I just have to meet him.” – you explained. The tall blunt man shook his head, arms crossed. – “Please! I am begging you. Let me meet him. I need to meet Count Olaf!” – you urged. He shook his head again. – “I am a writer.” – you said. – “I wish to share my idea’s with the brilliant man.” – you hoped someway you were convincing him. 

“Please… just one chat.” – you begged. The tall blunt man stepped aside opening the door. – “Follow me.” – he spoke waving for you to follow him. – “Thank you! Thank you.” – you responded going after him. You looked quickly around the backstage area. A bald man cleaning his claw made you swallow nervously. An old pair of twins bickering over a piece of scarf while pulling at it. 

You stepped up your pace as you were falling behind. The tall blunt man came to a stop near a door with a plastered star on it. The star looking rather poorly as if oneself had done it. The top point hanging low, the words Count Olaf written with an inky pen that had left a few smudges here and there. He opened the door bowing down to enter. – “Boss.” – he said.

Count Olaf turned around in his chair with a whiff of arrogance. His fingers pressed together. – “Who is he?” – he said with a gesture at you. – “I…I…” – you began stepping forwards. You were so nervous that your stack of papers dropped onto the floor. You dived to the ground to collect them, Count Olaf rolling his eyes. – “Why did you let him in?” – Count Olaf asked his henchman. The tall blunt man pulled his shoulders up. – “He insisted.” – he responded making Count Olaf purr.

“I…I am a writer.” – you said out loud getting up as some papers fell once more in the process. – “A writer?” – Count Olaf repeated curious. – “Yes… I… I saw your play and let me just say that it was marvelous. Like nothing I have ever seen.” – you complimented. – “Go on.” – Count Olaf said, leaning back in his chair. – “Your play gave me an idea for another one…” – you scrambled through your papers trying to find the right one through your own mess. 

“You are a very talented man.” – you added seeing him gleam with pride. – “I see you are one to spot talent!” – he responded waving for his henchman to leave. You found the right piece of paper handing it over. You bowed low, stepping back. Count Olaf quirked his eyebrow up reading your notes. – “If it is not of your liking, I…I have a million other idea’s.” – you said since his expression was unreadable. You couldn’t tell if he liked it or loathed it.

“I don’t know what I was thinking but when I saw you on that stage… I was stunned. The idea’s flooded in my mind as I couldn’t stop. Count Olaf.” – you dropped to your knees. – “You are a marvelous man… and… if you allow me, I’d like to write your next play… You can take any of my idea’s… I wouldn’t mind. Take them all!” – you blurted out not sure what overcame you. 

Count Olaf took a deep breath getting up from his chair. – “Any play?” – he asked. You got up to your feet nodding hastily. Count Olaf stuck his hand out with a smirk. – “You have yourself a deal young man!” – You shook it overjoyed. – “Thank you, Count Olaf,… I look forwards working with you.” – you bowed your head still shaking his hand. That made him curl his lip up, pulling his hand away. – “Now I need my rest!” – he snapped his finger. – “Of course…” – you commented picking up the fallen papers.

Months you were now working with the great man. The first play he did of yours was a great success. People even threw roses on stage in stead of shoes at him. It was a wonderful feeling that finally he got the recognition he deserved and wanted. It was the time between a new play as you sat in his study re-writing a scene. Count Olaf entered as you immediately noticed his presence. – “Olaf! I have this amazing idea for the boat scene. It came to me last night; I know you’ll like it!” – you rambled excitedly. 

Count Olaf looked around his study. He couldn’t tell his mess apart from yours anymore. It had become one giant mess. Stacks of papers everywhere. Empty pots of ink on the floor and desk. You were taking quick notes with a focused mind. Count Olaf observed you, intrigued by your facial expressions. There was something about a focused genius that flattered him. Seeing you get so lost in your work like he does with his plays. – “Oh! Imagine a sea creature!” – you blurted out, getting the thought. You smiled eagerly writing it down. Count Olaf smiled as well. He approached the desk plucking your piece of paper from underneath your nose.

You stared bewildered at him, reading your notes. – “Come on Y/n you can do better than this!” – he said slapping his hand against paper. – “Is… is it bad?” – you asked nervous. – “I knew it… you hate it… let me scratch that idea!” – you wanted to snatch the paper from him as he moved it out of your grip. – “I never said I hated it.” – he answered. – “I simply told you; you could do better.” – he repeated. – “For example add another sailor.” – he said placing the paper down. – “Another sailor?” – you blinked confused as he tapped the paper with a smirk. 

“That is wonderful… but we don’t have any more actors…unless you want me to search for one? Around this time it will be hard, not to give away they would have to catch up with weeks preparations.” – you told him, informing that it wasn’t a simple manner. – “I don’t need any new actors.” – he said, placing his palms onto the desk. – “You don’t?” – you replied, your eyes widening when he came leaning in. – “You’ll do it.” – he said making you gasp loud. – “Sir...” – you stuttered out flustered. – “I am a writer… not an actor.” – you reminded him. – “On the contrary, you are the perfect man to be on stage with me.”

Count Olaf moved his hand on top of yours, looking briefly down at it. – “You will be with me on stage, nothing to be frightful of.” – his touch made you swallow nervously. – “How… how will you fit him in the play then?” – you asked referring to your character. Count Olaf let his finger trail up your wrist to your arm. – “A lonely sea captain must have a companion.” – he said sparking up your interest. When his fingers were up your arm, he quickly snatched your tie pulling you forwards. – “Do you not agree Y/n?” – you nodded flustered at how close he was. – “I have very good notes to add to your play Sir.” – he grinned letting his gaze go from your eyes to your lips. You swallowed bashful at his approach. – “I look forward to your intel Sir.” – you responded seeing a smile curl up.

---------------------------------------------------

Read more of my fics on my Masterlists!

[hannahmcgill]

To anyone who was wondering about Warlock'd:

I've completed writing it a few times, in fact I have completed it to the stage where I had it all laid out twice, too. In each case, I haven't felt confident enough to go forward with the art.

It's a special sort of production hell where the only person working on the project (...me) started out with no idea what they were doing. So I hope that people don't mind updates. They are markers of my general ability to actually make a whole graphic novel. This is just something I have to try and fail a few times to get right. I'm happy enough to share my progress so long as it doesn't feel like false promises.

Currently I'm doing another outline and then I'm going to use some layout/art production techniques I picked up from the Amphiox project. Hopefully this is the last writing do-over. I want it to result in a story where people like reading about the characters and feel like they are friends. I want the sequence of events in the story to make sense and to have interesting consequences.

Anyway, I drew this portrait of Pierre (or Cleric Stone) on my iPad with Fresco down in the nice cool basement. August is horrible for drawing anyway. Better to whole up and fix writing problems.

[img id] Digital art done with a Fresco brush meant to mimic pencil or charcoal. It's a bust portrait of a 12th century cleric named Pierre...or maybe Cleric Stone. He's Black. He wears his hair in mini-braids under a red hat. The hat has one crenellation on the brim to indicate that Stone has a few royal indulgences. Three hoopoe wing feathers stick out of the cap. Stone is otherwise dressed like most clerics of 12th century Paris, with a luxurious black cape held shut with a daisy wheel clasp. He wears fitted black gloves and is about to throw a poorly-drawn firework into a crowd. [/id]

[fizzingwizard]

Time for some semi-ritual bitching about one of my favorite bitch-worthy topics, Yugioh

Why couldn't they have just done Memory World properly

Why make us suffer through Doma... and especially KC Grand Prix, a single episode of which is more boring than filler in any other fandom... and they made an entire filler arc out of it! Like Doma has lots of faults but at least it tried to do something interesting. It tried to develop characters, which proooobably shouldn't have been undertaken by a filler arc with no canon script to follow, but gold star for trying! Had a shitty finale not remotely worthy of its awesome beginning, but did we really expect any better? lol. KC Grand Prix tho, no. That's just there to Idk be mean to men with pink hair and dumb names?? In the ridiculous hair dumb names anime???

cut because Fizz has the curse of long-windedness thanks my evil fairy godmother

anyway back to Memory World, maybe the issue was the story in the manga still lagged behind where the anime was. I don't remember. If so I guess there was no choice but filler. Still, did they have to blow the budget on it? They lost most of their good animators during Doma, where they also introduced a couple new crap ones who stuck around till the end of course -___- And no doubt the animators were getting paid peanuts for long hours of work, and if they'd run out of budget to even pay that... well clearly the show should have been shorter. Like two whole filler arcs shorter. Just take a break, take a pause, come back when you're ready to do Memory World the way it should be done. Back then no one took breaks, "The fans will forget us," nowadays TV shows just up and away for multiple years at a time x'D before returning suddenly with a new season.

The reason I'm still salty and plan to be salty to my grave is just this. Memory World is the one and only YGO arc since season zero that was not explicitly about card games. They'd been dropping hints since the first that we could expect ancient Egypytian shenanigans in the finale. We were supposed to find out about Atem's lost memories and recover his name. That was the driving force behind everything that wasn't filler. I specifically became a fan as a kid because I enjoyed reading about Ancient Egypt and thought the idea of a millennia-old feud between a pharaoh and whoever Bakura really was sounded neat. So I watched hours and hours and hours of card games all for the sake of making it to Ancient Egypt.

(don't get me wrong I enjoyed the card games lol. Never ask a YGO fan to explain how watching characters stand around and yell "Pot of Greed allows me to draw two cards from my deck!" for hundreds of episodes somehow stayed fresh and interesting)

So we reach Memory World at loooooooong last and. And the animation is the worst. Atem falls off a cliff it's just like "ow." Bakura isn't have as intriguing anymore now that he's a poorly drawn anime guy with scars. He arrives toting Atem's father's mummy it should be scary. It should be shocking. But instead, for some reason we watched dancing girls of questionable historical accuracy repeat the same frame several times, while Atem makes a face like a baby trying his hardest to go number two in his diaper. In the manga this scene is really funny, with Siamun being Sugoroku in every way, and Atem in his awkwardness being more Yugi-like than we've ever seen him. In the anime they are just going through the motions. There's no life in anything.

The one thing the anime version got right was understanding that this was the one and only opportunity we'd have to learn about Atem. You know, half of the main character for the whole show. Even the manga is really so busy doing plot stuff it kind of forgets to make us care about the ancient Egyptian cast. The anime took advantage of the need for pacing to give us a couple low key moments about Atem & Friends, but for some reason it decided we should 1) know what Atem looked like falling flat on his nose as a toddler, and 2) show us that from a young age he was making grand progressive speeches about equality. Seeing Atem portrayed as a nice guy who cared about people gave me mixed emotions after watching him struggle for seasons with the possibility that he might have been a bad king and not remember it. Because we got a whole season of him making mistakes and disappointing fans in Doma, and now in Memory World the final answer to what kind of person Atem was is just "well he's a good guy in the modern sense of the word lol" and then we move on. Also, neither that speech, nor Doma, are manga canon, but fans on the whole remember Doma much better than they remember nice guy baby Atem. Which is so very nice -.-;

So Memory World could have been so much fun, exciting, adventurous in a way you can't always be when you have to stay put on a holo-duel stage (card games on motorcycles hasn't been invented yet!), and insightful about a character who has been the central point of everything yet whom we knew next to nothing about. Instead it was a poorly animated clusterfuck of battle scenes that were difficult to make sense of. The Bakura stuff was the best. The Kaiba-insert filler was the worst. I was disappointed with Set's arc in the manga as well, another thing that had been built up for years and years and ended up more about the mysterious waif-like dragon girl than Set vs Atem. If the anime changed something to add in Kaiba, I wish they'd have rewritten the Set vs Atem duel so it was mildly interesting, and Idk maybe Kaiba could have teamed up with Atem against his past self, which would have aggravated him to no end? Instead of just wandering around insisting none of this could really be happening. Or he should just not have been there at all. Personally I go the DSOD route and pretend Kaiba was never in Memory World, same as the manga. It's not like erasing him from the anime version has any impact on events bahahaha. He was included for MONEY MONEY MONEY popular character NEEDS to stick around even if he has abso-fucking-lutely nothing to do because MONEY MONEY MONEY

I love DSOD to pieces. But my own dream for the anniversary project was a remake of Memory World. Even if it had been a 90 min movie version instead of several episodes, as long as it was better quality, and invested in Atem as a character instead of simply as a pawn in a game, I would have enjoyed those 90 mins better than the entire Memory World season. Doma and KC Grand Prix were a mistake if they played a role in how awful Memory World was.

But they did the Millennium Duel well. Not astonishing, but really, except for useless Kaiba being there, it was more than adequate. (And although Kaiba himsefl was useless, it was cool seeing him rejected as an opponent for Atem in favor of Yugi. Actually I kinda wish they'd made a bigger deal out of that...) Kid me cried buckets (actually I must have been well into my teens by then bahahaha. I def cried though). Thanks to those final two episodes, the series send-off didn't leave me with a bad taste in my mouth. If it had ended with Memory World it would have been an even bigger disappointment to me than the finale of Bleach. And I despise the finale of Bleach x'D

[ausetkmt]

https://t.co/Aw6AMY3eW5?s=09

Florida school ‘segregated’ Black students for talk on test scores, parents say

Black students at a Florida elementary school were singled out and pulled from class for an assembly about how it was a “problem” that they had performed poorly on their standardized tests, school district officials said Wednesday. The incident drew outrage from parents and prompted an investigation by the school district.

Only Black fourth- and fifth-grade students at Bunnell Elementary School in Flagler County, Fla., were taken out of class on Friday for the assembly on how to improve their grades — even students who had passing grades. Students were selected to attend based on their race, Flagler Schools spokesman Jason Wheeler told The Washington Post on Wednesday.

Black teachers showed the students a typo-laden PowerPoint presentation titled, “AA Presentation,” which noted how Black students had underperformed on standardized tests for the past three years. On the slide titled “The Problem,” the school district identified Black students as “AA,” or African Americans, in its assessment of their low overall scores, according to the presentation obtained by The Post.

The incident has drawn backlash from parents who were not alerted about an event that had “segregated” their 9- and 10-year-olds. Some say their children were told in the assembly that they could end up dead or in jail if they did not do well on their upcoming tests.

“It told my child that she was not good enough,” Jacinda Arrington told WOFL, a Fox affiliate in Orlando. “The color of your skin means that you are not good enough, when, in fact, she’s one of the smartest kids in her class.”

Another parent, Alexis Smith, told WFTV, an ABC affiliate in Orlando, that her son was panicking after the assembly. She said he asked her, “So I’m going to die, I’m going to get shot, I’m going to go to jail if I don’t do right?”

The school district is investigating how Black students were the only group that attended an event aimed at encouraging improvement in test scores. As an incentive, the students were promised meals from McDonald’s, Flagler interim superintendent LaShakia Moore said in a statement Tuesday.

“While the desire to help this particular subgroup of students is to be commended, how this was done does not meet the expectations we desire among Flagler Schools,” said Moore, who is Black.

Moore added that after speaking with Donelle Evensen, Bunnell Elementary’s new principal, “it is clear there was no malice intended in planning this student outreach.” But, she said, “sometimes, when you try to think ‘outside the box,’ you forget why the box is there.”

On Wednesday, Moore posted a video apologizing to parents.

Evensen did not immediately respond to a request for comment Wednesday morning. County School Board Chair Cheryl Massaro told The Post that while the event wasn’t intended to hurt the Black students or their parents, the School Board did not know about the plans for an assembly and would have advised against having only Black students in attendance.

“We know it was wrong, and it shouldn’t have happened. It wasn’t a great idea,” Massaro said. “It’s sad that it was segregated by race because that’s not fair. But that’s what happened.”

Wheeler said that no information has been given about what exactly was said in the assembly, specifically the claims from parents that students could end up dead or imprisoned if they didn’t perform better.

The event and the backlash to it come as Florida has dramatically changed its standards on how race and history are taught in the classroom.

Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis, a candidate for the Republican presidential nomination, and his administration have faced strong criticism over a new policy that requires teachers to instruct middle-school students that enslaved people “developed skills which, in some instances, could be applied for their personal benefit.” DeSantis’s administration has also blocked a high school Advanced Placement course on African American studies from being taught and pushed through the “Stop Woke Act” to limit discussions on race in schools and by corporations.

Wheeler told The Post that what happened at the elementary school had “nothing to do with education initiatives from Tallahassee.”

The elementary school is in Bunnell, Fla., about 75 miles north of Orlando. About 19 percent of the public school’s students are Black, and roughly 70 percent of the total enrollment are classified as economically disadvantaged, according to U.S. News & World Report. Evensen was named Bunnell’s principal last month after four years as an assistant principal at the school.

It’s unclear how many Black students were pulled from their classes for the presentation on Friday.

The state grades students on standardized tests between Levels 1 and 5, with 5 being the best score. As part of the presentation, the school said that 32 percent of its Black students scored at Level 3 or above for math and language arts. The school noted that 41 percent should be at Level 3 or above, according to state testing guidelines.

One slide said that Black students could improve their scores if they “commit to earning at least a Level 3 or higher on all standardized assessments” and “concentrate on passing all curriculum based assessments with at least a 75 percent or higher.” High-performing Black students were also called up by teachers and presented as examples to their peers who needed improvement, parents told WESH, an NBC affiliate in Daytona Beach.

Those students who show improvement, and win individual assessment matchups, “will have a meal from McDonald’s,” the school said in its presentation.

An in-school suspension supervisor also attended the assembly with two Black teachers, according to the Daytona Beach News-Journal.

Massaro, the School Board chair, said the assembly should have included all of the students who scored below Level 3.

“If we had done this and there was information about it to the parents, then it would have been a cross-section of everyone,” she told The Post. “There are White and Asian students who also don’t score well.”

Moore emphasized Tuesday that the school wants its parents and guardians to “actively participate in their children’s educational successes,” saying it was wrong not to alert families about plans for an assembly targeting Black students.

“Without informing them of this assembly or of the plans to raise these scores, our parents were not properly engaged,” she said in a statement. “… [F]rom this point forward, all of our schools will engage our parents, no matter what group or subgroup their children may be in, in our continued efforts to raise achievement among all students.”

But some parents are still upset, noting that the assembly targeting their Black children should have never happened in the first place.

“No other child needs to ever experience being singled out, being targeted, being discriminated against because of their color,” Francine Howard, whose daughter was in the assembly, told First Coast News.

“It’s 2023, and they segregated our babies,” Arrington said.

[lady-october]

Pairing : Oli Sykes x Female Assistant Genre : Romance, Smut (18+ Only) Full Story : Availabe on Archive of Our Own

Story Content : 18+, Smut, Drama, Choking, Power dynamics, Romance, Dom/Sub, Sadism/Masochism, Mentions of addiction & self harm, Degradation, Praise kink, Exhibitionism, Breath play, Dirty talk.

Summary :

“Don’t you see what a dangerous game you’re playing? Why did you have to look so fucking delicious tonight, I couldn’t stop undressing you in my mind, thinking of all the twisted things I want to do to you.” She had only worked on the touring team for three weeks, but her mind had been hijacked by dirty thoughts of a man she barely even talked to. Sure, he was very attractive, but were there other reasons she was so uncontrollably drawn to him? This is a filthy story of pain, self discovery, and love.

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Chapters 2 - 8 : Mega Post

This post contains chapters 2-8 of You Got a Taste Now so that all chapters can be read on Tumblr as well as on Ao3. All future chapters will be posted as individual posts, but I do recommend reading these early chapters on Ao3 instead, as it's a lot easier to keep track of where you are that way. Link above!

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Chapter 2 - What the hell is happening?

Chapter title is lyrics from "Dear Diary"

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It was raining.

Of course it was, it had been raining all morning. This was England after all.

I was sitting under an awning on the balcony of the same hotel room from last night, waiting for everyone to wake up. Only six hours had passed since Oli went back to his room after what I fondly will refer to as ‘having his way with me’.

Six hours, and all I’d done since was clean the place up – poorly might I add, and had a shower to freshen up. Such simple tasks, so easy to sum up in one short sentence. But something very different was happening on the inside. My mind didn’t get a moment of rest, it was replaying the event over and over, picking it apart from every direction – catching up on the self psychoanalysis I was avoiding just six hours ago.

I shook my head.

Still just six hours, that can’t be right…

I reached for my phone to check the time once again, only 9 minutes had passed since I last checked.

The idea of sleep had felt offensive, so I hadn’t even considered it. Instead most of the time was spent pacing back and forth in my hotel room in my bathrobe, experiencing a myriad of confusing emotions and thoughts. So many unanswered questions were floating aimlessly in my mind. Was I into pain? No, surely not.. Maybe? But oh god it felt so good...

I had always considered myself fairly vanilla. In fact this was the first time I’d had sex that wasn’t in a bed. But I liked that, the bedroom was safe, relaxing, sweet and tender. It was.. great. And not at all boring. 

I've had great sex before… Right?

And then there were the serious thoughts, the ones that had been hard to touch on but I couldn’t help revisiting.

Such as; was this a form of self harm? Will I get addicted to this type of high?

Will every other form of sexual intimacy become meaningless in comparison?

My mind would rake through these harder, more painful thoughts, gingerly touching them like hot coals fresh from the fire, checking if they’d cooled down enough to examine them closer.

But they were still entirely too hard to process.

Then the insecure thoughts would creep in; why didn’t he tell me whether he wanted to do this again or not? Was it just a one time thing – or had I been disappointing in some way? God what a sad thought to have.

I wasn’t the most secure of people. Before this job I’d been quite shy, and the only reason I had even applied for this was because I desperately needed to get away from my life after I found out my ex had cheated. I’d been living with him since I was 20, I’m now 31. We were looking to buy a house, have kids... And then one day after my office job, I was cooking dinner, he’d left his phone on the counter and I saw the text pop up on his phone. ‘I miss you’ it read. Just three simple words that would end my life as I knew it.

I’d suspected it for years. He wasn’t home much, always out with the guys, and when he was around he barely paid me any attention.

I just wasn’t ready to face it.

After I’d moved back to my parents, a friend of mine suggested this job. She worked with the agency recently and could give me a shining recommendation if I felt like travelling and partying with rockstars. It was so far out of my comfort zone I just laughed it off at first, but something in me had been itching to break free and do something wild for as long as I could remember. So I did it, I applied – and she wasn’t lying about shining recommendations, they seemed thrilled to have me onboard so last minute.

But whenever I got an order wrong, or knocked over seemingly expensive equipment I always felt like an imposter, because the truth is that I’m a truly terrible assistant. And the only reason I was here was because my friend who has connections in the right places was worried I was wasting away.

No, let’s be real; she was worried I’d off myself any day now. 

I wasn’t that far gone, but I’d be lying if I said it hadn’t crossed my mind. And I’d be lying if I said it hadn't occurred to me that I was heading there. 

But everything changed when I started working for the band. They were such lovely and fun people, making even shy me want to break out of my shell a little bit – sometimes.

It had only been three weeks since I was brought onto the touring team, it was mostly me (Alice) and Liam, who had been doing this for years. Liam was a 40 something, flamboyant, kind hearted, and extremely patient soul, who was doing his very best to try and teach me the ropes. The first time I met him I knew we’d get along great. An unfortunate series of events had unfolded causing me to be half an hour late to the meeting with him and the agency. I’d woken up that morning to my mother screaming bloody murder at her cat cause he’d dragged in a bird and managed to sprinkle pieces of guts and feathers all over the living room, only to realise I’d turned off the alarm and was actually running so late I wouldn’t have time to do anything besides put on my clothes from the night before and potentially get a speeding ticket on my way there. I’d stumbled through the door, hair in a bird's nest, hiding my pizza stained shirt with an oversized coat. I was about to start running down the corridor to get to the front desk on the other side of some glass doors, when I heard a light yet demanding male voice behind me.

“Oi, hold up a minute, are you Alice?”

I hadn’t noticed him sitting next to the front door. He got up from his seat, absolutely towering over me. He was a skinny man, long blonde hair very similar to my own, clipped back on one side with a hair clip that shockingly read ‘die cunt’ in a cursive font – such an aggressive contrast from the sweet man, smiling from ear to ear before me.

“I was told you might be a bit late so I thought I’d wait for you..” He eyed me up and down and frowned, took a step back and folded his bare arms. One thing to note about Liam is that I’m not sure I’ve ever seen him wearing anything with sleeves, usually this is a trait of someone who works out a lot, or has a lot of tattoos, but neither of these things were true about Liam. He just had a peculiar aversion to sleeves.

“Y-yes, I am so sorry I’m late, I-”

I don’t think he was listening to me cause suddenly he snapped his fingers like he’d figured something out, then wordlessly took the clip out of his hair and proceeded to push my hair back on one side with it, while sprucing up the other. “There! At least now the mess looks intentional.”

I took a look at myself in the reflection of the glass door behind him, and it did.

We never talked much about our feelings, but Liam always had my back. He could clearly tell I was a lost soul and very much out of my element. I hadn’t seen him in almost two days, he had given me a long list of instructions, including how to deal with the party from last night, then he’d taken the past two days off before we flew to America – which we were scheduled to do in just three short hours.

A pigeon landed on the balcony next to me, snapping me back to the current situation, and I checked my phone for the billionth time. To my dismay only 5 minutes had passed this time, so I slump forward with a groan, which scared the pigeon off.

I just wanted to get the awkward bit over with. I was almost certain everyone had heard me and Oli last night – maybe not Matt, he was particularly wasted.

The last instruction on the long list Liam had left me said “Don’t you fucking dare wake the lads until the last minute. They’ll be furious if you do and probably end up blaming me.”

So I waited.

Nowhere in the notes had he specified what to do if the lead singer bends you over and fucks you. It could have come in handy right about now because I didn’t know what to do with myself.

I wanted so badly to fast forward a day, after we’d all said our awkward good mornings, after the drive to the airport – and especially after having been stuck on a flight together for 8 hours. I just wanted to be tucked into my hotel room in Vegas already, finally relaxing, maybe even some sleep if my thoughts would allow me. 

Maybe I’d even have some answers from Oli at that point.

I heard the tap running from inside and my head snapped to glance through the glass doors of the balcony. I could see Matt standing by the sink, taking some form of tablet with a glass of tap water. I was surprised to see him be the first to wake up, considering his state last night.

After taking a deep breath to hype myself up to get this over with, I walk back into the common area of the suite.

“Heey Alice, just who I wanted to see. Any chance you could whip us up some coffee, my head’s bloody pounding”, Matt said, looking absolutely miserable.

“Morning, yeah of course, what do you want?” This was good, if we just focused on the job surely it wouldn’t be too awkward.

Walking into the kitchen area with a clear task in mind, I could now see the sitting area where the whole band was currently lounging, including Oli with his hoodie up, bent over his phone. Liam was also back, occupied by dragging luggage out of the rooms. He must have come back recently and woke everyone up. And I had been too lost in thought to even notice.

In my surprise at the turn of events, I’d completely missed what Matt had requested. 

“S-sorry Matt, what did you say?” I spoke sheepishly, shyness creeping in once I realised Oli was in the room.

“Just black for me.” Matt repeated, then Lee spoke up from the sofa, sounding chipper, “I’d go for some food myself.”

Lee was clearly the most sober last night, which was also evident by his mood today. He both sounded and looked well rested, unlike the rest of them.

Everyone spoke up with their orders, except Oli. He had yet to tear his attention away from his phone, typing furiously the whole time. Lee gave Oli’s arm a slap, “You don’t want anything Oli?”

“Nah mate, I’ll just eat on the flight.” He said, sounding completely unbothered, not looking away from his phone.

“Alright! All done with that bit.” Liam proclaimed after stacking the last piece of luggage near the door, while nearly sprinting in my direction, flaunting that big warm smile he so often wore.

“Alice, my sweet doll, you’ve done fantastic.” He proceeded to bend over and give me a hug. While looking over his shoulder I could see that the place appeared significantly cleaner than the state I’d left it in some hours ago. He really did have my back. Thank you, I mouthed at him as he pulled away.

The next hour was spent getting everyone's orders and loading up the van, then we were off to the airport. To my surprise there had been no awkwardness as of yet. No one had said anything out of the ordinary banter, and no one had treated me any different than the night before – besides Oli who had not made eye contact once, or spoken a word to me. 

To be perfectly fair I’d been avoiding him too. I just had no clue how to break the ice.

Liam decided he would drive the van to the airport because he was more familiar with this area than me, so I sat up front next to him. The whole band sat behind us in two rows, and this is when the ‘no awkwardness’ streak ended.

Oli had managed to sit in the only seat that was visible from my angle in the rear-view mirror, which meant if we both looked at the same time we’d lock eyes. The potential of that happening had me both exhilarated and panicked, which made me feel pathetic. Something so insignificant shouldn't affect me this much. I kept catching myself stealing glances, mentally whipping myself for the lack of discipline. Everytime I caught myself looking, he was just staring out the window, fairly expressionless. Such a stark contrast from all the passionate emotions on his face last night. The memory of them started playing in my mind like a filthy montage. Then my thoughts wandered back to how his hands felt on me, at one point I caught myself reaching for my throat as if to imagine his grasp still being there.

What the hell am I doing?

I straightened in my seat and tried to focus on something else, anything else.

I’d spent some time after my shower inspecting my neck, not knowing exactly how to cover the faint marks left there. I’d settled for a high collared dress, then right before leaving my room I’d added a scarf for good measure. I knew I’d have to take it off eventually. Sure, it was cold in London, but not in Vegas. Liam must have noticed something was up cause he kept glancing over at me with suspicion.

We were just a couple of minutes into the half hour drive to the airport, the rest of the guys had been chattering and joking with each other nonstop at this point when Mat (not to be confused with Matt) complained, “I’m so fucking tired though, maybe I can get some sleep on the plane. Was it you Lee that was railing some poor bird last night? I couldn’t sleep at all until you two were done, and frankly I was shocked to not see the whole place destroyed when I got up.”

My heart sank and I willed myself to not look at Oli’s reaction, even though everything in me was screaming to just have a quick peek.

Matt chimed in, “I just put in some earplugs, I’m so fucking tired of listening to Lee at this point.”

I could hear Lee laughing, “Wasn’t me mate, I was the last one awake but I bumped into Oli on his way back out as I was heading to bed. You got something to share with the group Oli?”

The whole band broke out in ooo’s and aaa’s and anyone who could reach started peppering Oli’s arm in teasing punches, as well as messing up his hair. This is when my concentration broke and I let myself look at Oli, he was smiling awkwardly at them, then he also stole a glance in the rearview mirror and we locked eyes for only a split second, but it was enough for me to choke on my spit and start coughing. Liam's reaction came swiftly and dramatically as his head snapped to mine, eyes wide, jaw dropped. Did you really? He mouthed at me in disbelief.

I shrugged sheepishly, looking apologetic. Liam just shook his head as his expression relaxed into an amused smile.

While Liam had instantly pieced the puzzle together, no one seemed to have noticed what was going on in the very front of the vehicle, as the band was still very much focused on Oli.

“Was it that ginger who kept flirting with ya last night?” Lee inquired, “She was something else, wasn’t she?” He added, in an almost dreamy tone.

“Fucking hell, stop it.” Oli laughed, swatting everyone's hands away. “I don’t kiss and tell lads, you should know that by now.” He sounded so amused, making an involuntary smile tug at my lips.

“You don’t kiss at all as far as I’m aware. I thought you’d gone celibate since She Who Shall Not Be Named left the picture.” Retorted Lee.

Mat scoffed, “Whoever it was man, I’m just happy you’re on the rebound. It was getting sad.”

Rebound.. Is that what it was? A pang of sadness washed over me. It shouldn’t make me feel anything at all, especially since technically this was a rebound for me as well. 

I knew that Oli was single, and I knew he’d been in a serious relationship. But from my knowledge that ended over a year ago. Has he really not been with anyone since, or was there someone more recent I didn’t know about from my quick google prior to taking this job?

The rest of the drive, and most of the flight Oli had continued being uncharacteristically quiet. He was usually clowning around with the rest of them, but whenever I dared steal another glance he appeared lost in thought, hints of sadness emitting from him.

It was clear that Liam wanted to talk about it but I’d gotten the impression that he was planning to wait until after since the quarters were so crammed. The small plane was split into two sections. One larger area that was mostly seating where most of the guys hung out, then a smaller area with a bar and cabinets for snacks, and just a couple of seats. For the first four hours of the trip Matt had been napping in the smaller area, but as soon as he evacuated Liam pulled me away to chat.

“Spill.” He demanded as he pulled me down into one of the seats next to him.

I instantly started blushing, “Honestly I don’t really know how it happened, he just sort of grabbed me and started touching me.” I spoke softly, afraid the words would travel despite how loud the plane was.

Liam looked very concerned, “Alice, do we need to call the agency? We can fly you back as soon as we get to Vegas if you-”

“Nonono,” I cut him off, waving my hands. “I understand the concern, but no I wanted it to happen.” I could feel the blush creeping in more and more.

Liam relaxed.

“It just happened really fast, and I still don’t have a clue what it means, or if it was just a one time thing.” I looked at Liam, questioning, as if I was hoping he’d have answers simply cause he’d worked with them longer.

“Oh love, I wouldn’t be able to tell you. All I know is that I haven’t seen him sleep around since I’ve worked with them the past year, but I don’t know what he does outside of tour-times. He was in a pretty serious relationship that I think messed him up a bit. But beyond that who knows, he’s a bit of a mystery-”, Liam cut himself off as we both spotted Oli walking through the doorway.

We locked eyes and I felt like a deer in headlights.

Had he heard us talking about him?

Liam's eyes darted back and forth between us, “right, I'm gonna leave you to it.” He proclaimed unceremoniously as he slapped his legs, got up, and slid past Oli out of the room. Liam wasn’t the most subtle of people.

And suddenly it was just me and Oli.

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Chapter 3 - Sticks and stones may break my bones

Chapter title is lyrics from "Ludens"

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Oli stood in the doorway for a second with his hands tucked deep into the pockets of his hoodie. He looked so shy. I knew he could be shy at times, I’d seen it with fans sometimes when we were out and about. But he had never been shy around me during the short interactions we had, just cocky and charming. I guess it was extra shocking to see after what we did last night. He walked over and sat down next to me, our legs brushed together for a split second, making him reposition. 

He regretted it. My mind was flooded with the thought; he regretted being with me, it wasn’t what he wanted and now he’s going to turn me down entirely.

At this point I was so nervous I felt like I was going to puke.

We were both facing straight ahead, sitting in uncomfortable silence. Oli’s mouth opened and closed a couple of times before he finally spoke, “I don’t know about you, but I didn’t sleep at all last night.”

The words were so solemn I dared to turn towards him, his eyes were fixed on the floor in front of us, hair draping his face. Apparently I wasn’t the only haunted one.

But anger was creeping in from every direction. I was so sleep deprived, so confused, and overwhelmed from all my revelations, and now the added knowledge of him regretting what we did was just entirely too painful. The last thing I wanted was to be denied the only thing that had made me feel alive in years, but I could feel the possibility of it ever happening again slip away as quickly as it came about. So I snapped at him, “I don’t know what I did wrong last night, but I can tell you’re regretting what we did, and quite frankly I think that’s bullshit.”

His eyes shot to mine, the intensity from last night flashed behind them. “Do you not understand that I enjoyed hurting you?” His voice was dark and serious, “Do you think I want to be this person, someone who just can’t control themselves. I barely know you, and you’re an employee for fuck sake.”

It was my turn to open and shut my mouth repeatedly, I felt dumbfounded.

His hand, covered in a blackout tattoo with an intricate pattern, appeared from his pocket and reached out for my scarf. He let two of his fingers – the same ones he’d had inside me just the night before – graze leisurely down from my jawline to my collarbone, revealing the marks on my neck to him. His vision followed the trail of his fingers. I was frozen in place, a longing shiver running down my spine, making me forget for a split second how mad I was. Meanwhile a confusing mix of fascination, sadness, and possibly hunger was playing across Oli’s face. He continued speaking as he pulled his hand away, “Alice.. You walk around looking as lost as I feel. If I don’t put a stop to it now, if I let this play out, I’ll destroy you.”

The anger was back, and I adjusted my scarf to cover the marks again, “I’m not some poor innocent lamb being dragged off for slaughter. I’m a grown woman, I can decide for myself what I want to do.”

“Yeah? Well I don’t really give a shit.” He shook his head and let out a frustrated laugh, “How exactly do you see this ending, love?”

“I-I don’t really know, but I do know that last night was the most alive I’ve felt in years.”

“That’s the problem though, innit? I felt the same way, and that scares me. I don’t know where it ends, I wanted to just keep hurting you – and not just physically – to make myself feel better, to make you feel better. Do you know what I mean?”

There it was again, the confusing mix of arousal and fear. I hated how he described it as some form of self harm – for both of us. I hadn’t been able to digest that thought for myself last night while pacing in the hotel room, let alone his reasons for wanting to do certain things to me. Frustration was boiling inside me, making me want to scream. I didn’t want to care about the implications, the possible outcomes, I just wanted to keep exploring it. Fucking finally; something that made me feel better. Something that released the ever-building pressure inside me.

I steadied myself and looked him square in the eye, “I don’t care, and I don’t want to care.”

Oli turned towards me and leaned in close, his serious expression mere inches from my face, “I care.” He relaxed back into his seat, looking down before continuing, speaking softly now, “I think you’re a lovely person, Alice. You’re shy but you’re like a ray of sunshine – everyone agrees. Liam’s fantastic, but let’s be honest, the guys much prefer when you’re around. So I feel like a right prick for last night.” He glanced over at me before continuing, “I don’t know much about you, but I know you’ve recently come out of a long term relationship,” How did he know that? Appearing nervous, he adjusted his hair, “And I’m sure you know I haven’t been with anyone since.. After me and her broke up.”

I felt my brows furrow, a bit thrown off from his intimate knowledge of me, as well as confusion regarding where he was going with this.

He pressed on, “I know how I felt when I found out she’d cheated on me, and if you’re feeling even a crumb of that betrayal, I know you’re not in the best head space right now.”

My brows relaxed, realisation hitting me, “I see..” I sat up a bit straighter. “You’re right, you don’t know much about me Oli. You have no clue what my life has been like, or what my relationship was like – and how do you even know he cheated-” I shook my head for even asking, it wasn’t important right now, “Don’t worry about it. I understand, you think you’re doing me some grand favour.”

“You can be as mad as you need to be, love. I should have just picked one of the groupies last night and spared you all of this. I’m furious with myself for having jeopardised you wanting to stay with us for the rest of the tour.”

I shot out of the chair, feeling too close to tears to keep listening to him. “I’m not leaving the touring team. I don’t just give up when things get a bit complicated.” I retorted, glaring down at him.

He stood up in front of me, looking down on me now instead. An amused smile playing on his lips in acknowledgment that my words had referred to him turning me down rather than my job situation, “I know what you’re trying to say love, but I’m just glad you’re sticking around.” I just glared at him in response. He inclined his head towards the doorway that led to the larger area where everyone else was currently hanging out, “I’m assuming Liam knows?”

“Yeah, he figured it out in the van.”

“Do you want to keep this just between the three of us?” There was pity in his eyes, making it unclear whether he was asking due to his own privacy – out of shame of his actions, or whether it was for my comfort.

“Sure, we can do that.” Regardless of his motives, I still didn’t want everyone to know. Especially not now when Oli had made it clear this was just a one time thing.

One time. Was that really all it was going to be? I couldn’t tell if it was more or less painful to have experienced such an emotional and sexual high, and to have it be ripped away, or to never have experienced it at all and continue living my life as a zombie.

We parted ways and the rest of the flight was spent avoiding each other. Thankfully the other band members were playing games which made it easy to focus on their silly shenanigans rather than feel the emotional despair in silence.

It wasn’t until I walked through the door of the hotel room in Vegas that I let myself break down. The tears came instantly, I didn’t even make it to the bed. Instead I just let my body collapse against the door and sobbed.

Everything came crashing down, and there was just pain. Pain from knowing I wont be manhandled by Oli again, pain from feeling so terribly rejected by both him and my ex – like there was something deeply wrong with me on a personal level. Something inherently broken and off-putting. 

Pain from having my life ripped away from me by some fucking loser who didn’t even know how to wipe his arse properly – made evident by the skidmarks I had to look at everytime I was doing the laundry. Why had I stayed with him? Why had I let myself become so… domesticated. I was just going through the motions of life, settling when it came to just about everything. My office job made me want to rip my hair out – but the pay was decent enough so I stayed. The flat we picked was not to my liking one bit – oh, but it was near his job so we took the lease anyway. 

Did I even want kids, or had I only wanted them because he wanted them?

And then there was pain from all the small ways my personality had been ripped away from me bit by bit over the years. I wanted to dye my hair, but he liked it blonde. In fact he didn’t like it much at all when I appeared anything besides sweet and palatable. I think that was part of why it had been so liberating to dress in a more revealing manner the past three weeks. I finally didn’t feel complete boredom when looking at myself in the mirror anymore.

I cried and I cried, until I was beyond exhausted.

And then I finally slept.

The next day can only be summed up as utter madness, but it was always like that on the day of a gig. There was simply too much to do at any given moment, not made better by the fact that I’d overslept again. Being the crying mess I was last night I had completely forgotten to set an alarm, instead I had been woken by a frantic Liam pounding on my door, rambling off the whole list of things we needed to get done as soon as I let him into my room.

I was very grateful he hadn’t pointed out how I had overslept. His room was right next to mine so he more than likely had heard my little break down, made evident by how extra patient he was being. He instead helped me get ready, and then we proceeded to do our whirlwind of tasks. Most of the day had been spent at the arena getting everything just right, and before I knew it there was only half an hour until it was Bring Me the Horizons turn to perform. 

I hadn’t seen any of the band members all day. Liam had repeatedly sent me off on little missions away from them – which again, I was grateful for. But I knew they had been backstage in the dressing rooms for many hours at this point, getting ready and warming up.

Walking down the corridor on my way to the stage area, I see the band filter out of the dressing room ahead of me. They’re laughing and chattering as they draw nearer, and Oli was holding a drink bottle. I had never seen him drink prior to a show before, only after. I gave it the benefit of a doubt, considering it could just be water, until they were walking up to me and noticed a slight flush on his cheeks, as well as his glassy eyes. He smiles lazily at me, making me look away out of awkwardness. The rest of the band paid me no attention as I rushed past them, knowing me and Liam were always too busy this close to a show.

A pang of worry hit me after they disappeared around the corner. 

Had our talk caused him to get drunk now? Was the show going to be a disaster because of it? Would it all be my fault? I shook my head, knowing my thoughts were nonsense. Oli was responsible for his own actions after all. Yet the anxiety remained.

I found Liam and we took our place standing to the side of the stage, mere moments before the show started. Everyone but the lead singer was already on stage, and I could see Oli’s silhouette in the distance to our right as he waited for his queue.

My heart was sinking further, so I pulled Liam's shoulder down so I could speak into his ear over the loudness around us “Oli’s been drinking.” Liam looked at me, then over to Oli, before speaking back into my ear, “It should be fine, he does that sometimes, just been a while.” For some reason I had a hard time believing him, but my worries melted away once he ran on stage. The whole set went perfectly, if anything he sang with more passion than usual. But I did notice less crowd interactions, something he was quite known for doing a fair bit of.

It was very hard to watch him tonight. Everything he did would elicit vivid memories from two nights ago, making me desperate to be back there with him again. He was down on his knees, bent over panting, exerted from singing and performing, and my whole body would recall how it felt when he was hovering over me, holding me down, wearing a similar expression to the one he wore now. I tried to shake off the memories but it was too late, my core was already throbbing in anticipation.

Delusion set in; hope even. That maybe – just maybe he wouldn’t be able to resist tonight. Maybe the drinking would make him give in and take me back to that high I craved so badly, the high that felt more vital than air at the moment.

The song ended and Oli started running off stage to do a quick wardrobe change, he was about to turn the corner and run right past me but he must have seen it on me; how horny I was. For just a split second when our eyes met, he shot me the most feral look I could imagine.

Right before their set was over I decided to leave. I didn’t want everyone else to notice how ridiculously horny I was, and I wasn’t sure what I would have done if he looked at me like that again. I’d probably make a complete fool of myself and just blatantly moan, or simply throw myself at him.

So for everyone involved, especially myself, it just seemed smarter to remove myself from the situation.

I was briskly walking down the corridor from the stage to where a row of rooms were, when I heard someone running up behind me. Due to how loud the arena still was, I hadn’t heard it until just a second before someone grabbed me, and threw me over their shoulder, promptly knocking the air out of me. I never got a chance to see who it was, but I knew it was Oli. He felt and smelled just like him. Adrenaline surged through my veins, and that hope I’d felt earlier grew stronger. He pulled us into one of the adjacent rooms and kicked the door shut behind us with his boot. In one motion he flung me off his shoulder and pinned me to the door, further rattling me, wrapping my legs around his waist.

None of the lights were on in this room, instead everything was painted in hues of green from the emergency exit lights. My heart was pounding, and our breaths mingled as my vision adjusted. He was slick with sweat as he pressed against me, eyes glowing like green flames in the darkness. His voice came ragged, “Is this what you want?” He proceeded to grab me by the throat, making me gasp for air. “You stupid whore..” Words spoken through clenched teeth. He tightened his grip and gave me a shake. Instinctively my hands scramble to attempt to pry him off me so I could breathe, but to no avail. I was officially scared, more so than the first time he choked me. But what scared me significantly more than my lack of air was the realisation that I didn't want him to stop. Thankfully after a moment he let go and I slumped onto his shoulder, inhaling sharply several times. But he didn't let me compose myself before he yanked me back into his view.

A sadistic laugh escaped him, his wicked smile filling my vision, “Don’t you see what a dangerous game you’re playing? Why did you have to look so fucking delicious tonight, I couldn’t stop undressing you in my mind, thinking of all the twisted things I want to do to you..” His fingers grazed my throat with intent, trailing off into my cleavage. His voice darkened “Couldn’t stop thinking about how you taste, how you feel..” His hips ground against mine, and I could feel the heat between us despite our clothes, as the length of his cock pushed against my pussy. I whimpered painfully, my throat incredibly sore. Through the hunger, his tone turned serious, “Before talking to you yesterday, I can’t tell you how badly I wished you’d regretted it – that you wished I hadn’t fucked you. If I knew you wanted more, how was I supposed to resist? It just feels too good doesn’t it?” As he was talking his expression slowly changed to almost childlike wonder. With a depraved smile tugging at the corners of my lips, I nodded in response.

He mimicked my smile then kissed me passionately, similarly to the other night; but something was different, something I couldn’t quite put a finger on.

Our bodies moved together, trying to get closer. It didn’t seem to matter what we did, he just wasn’t close enough. So I reached between us to loosen his belt, but he grabbed my wrist and pinned it to the door behind me, pulling his mouth away from mine. “Fuck sake, love. Let me do this my way, that’s what you want innit, for me to have my way with you?” I didn’t get a chance to respond before his lips covered mine again. The hand on my wrist pried my fist open and intertwined our fingers, turning the moment increasingly intimate – something he shied away from the other night. 

A bewildering flurry of emotions bloomed in my chest; warmth, longing, sadness. It all came at once, intensified by him slowing our kiss to something deeper. Something just as powerful as the explosiveness from moments ago, but more akin to the roar of a bonfire.

My other hand freed itself from the tangles of his hair, and I let my fingers roam his face instead – an emotionally indulgent gesture that had him flinching the other night, seemingly welcomed tonight from the squeeze he gave my hand. His face was stubbly and so delightfully warm and slightly slick from the exertion of the show, making some of his hair stick to his temple. I imagined this is what he felt like after making love for a long time.

Making love.

Confusion crept in, not knowing how to interpret the situation, not knowing if this type of intimacy was something I wanted right now. Unlike the more aggressive activities which freed me from my internal pain, these tender ones were pulling on something very delicate, something that really didn’t want attention right now. 

I felt vulnerable, like an open wound – infinitely more powerless than when he was choking me.

Was I starting to panic?

That’s when Oli pulled away, resting his forehead against mine, leaving me to wonder if he was having a similar experience.

A heavy silence fell. Uncertainty of what’s to come filled the air, making it hard to breathe. Do we go back to doing delightful and depraved things to feel better, or do we continue down this unknown path he was leading us down?

He raised his head and our eyes locked. Nothing could have prepared me for what I saw; the vulnerability, the fire, the sadness – the pain. I felt like I was falling backwards. He was looking right through me, and letting me see something in him I wasn’t sure he showed very often. He inhaled a ragged breath, then leaned in to continue kissing me. 

I thought I was scared before, but it paled in comparison to the fear I felt now. 

I can’t do this.

My hands shoved at him, my head twisting away from his lips, “No! Get off me!” I bit out as he stepped back. 

Tears stung behind my eyes as I struggled to land on my feet, then I tore the door open and ran.

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Chapter 4 - I can’t drown my demons

Chapter title is lyrics from "Can you feel my heart"

This chapter is from Oli's perspective.

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Something in me had been torn wide open, an old wound I thought had scarred over by now.

She had disappeared so quickly, leaving only the bright light from the corridor to flood me; a sobering and offensive spotlight, adding to the shock of having her ripped away from me so suddenly. My body felt like ice where she had been resting against me, warming me.

I wanted to run after her, beg her to forgive me for ruining everything, beg her to forget all about this, but my heart was breaking all over again. I looked down at my hands, watching them shake uncontrollably.

I needed to get my shit together, I couldn’t do this again. My eyes were burning when I decided to slam the door shut and lean against it to steady myself.

The rejection cut sharp and deep. I felt like some type of monster, like there was something incredibly unlovable about me. For some daft reason this was the time my heart decided to relax, and let myself be tender – just for a minute, and it sent her running. I scoffed at the realisation. She wasn’t scared of the passion; the darker side of it, no she wanted that a fair bit actually. But the heavier parts of me, the softer parts – that was the real monster.

I pushed off the door with a deep sigh and started pacing the small storage room in the dim green light, tears streaming down my face.

There had just been something about Alice, drawing me in like a magnet, bringing something out in me that I thought was either dead, or buried so deep I’d never see it again. And the mad bit was I couldn’t figure out why I liked some things about her. Everything she did was like witnessing a car crash miraculously be avoided at the last second. 

The first day she worked for us I remember her running down some stairs with our food orders. The tall stack of containers were leaning against her upper body, only kept stable by her chin. With every step they’d slide around, threatening to knock the entire tower over. Yet somehow she made it down with everything intact despite stumbling on the last step. I couldn’t tell if she was cursed or incredibly skilled to be honest. Although the order had been real scuffed, I’m not sure any of us got what we wanted, but we didn’t have the heart to tell the poor thing. So we ate it anyway. 

The moments that stuck in my mind the most were the ones where she thought no one was watching.

During one of the afterparties in her first week I’d seen her mixing drinks by a console in a dark corner across the room. She was doing a silly little dance to the music, her golden locks bouncing as she dropped a piece of lemon on the floor. A completely insignificant mistake, but she had stopped dead in her tracks, looked around, eyes wide as saucers to see if anyone had seen, then cheekily kicked it under the console. I couldn’t help but laugh.

Later that same night I saw Liam come in through some patio doors. The mad man had some type of vendetta against sleeves or something, cause why the fuck would you be outside like that in the middle of January?

I got up to catch him before he ran off again, “Hey Liam, you alright?”

He was clearly annoyed at having been interrupted doing whatever he was busy with, but he forced a smile, “I’m alright, what do you want?” He glared at me.

Liam was a blunt man, but I liked that about him. It was refreshing.

“What do you know about Alice?” I asked, trying not to look too sheepish.

He tilted his head, giving me a suspicious smile followed by a short pause as if he was contemplating whether to tell me anything at all, “Why are you asking?”

I looked away awkwardly, not knowing how to answer that, not knowing myself why I was so interested in her. He must have been satisfied with the reaction because he continued, “I know she’s freshly single, poor thing was also cheated on. So be kind to her, yeah?”

I nodded, “Yeah no worries man.” I was about to walk off, under the impression that he was done sharing, but he stopped me.

“You remember Shelley?” I nodded, she had just stopped working for us right before they brought on Alice, “Well Shelley put in a good word for her, it’s why she has this job. They’d been friends since childhood. Do you remember Shelley talking about her childhood friend from back home?”

The puzzle pieces started to fall in place. She was that Alice. The Alice that had allegedly set her ex’s car on fire when she found out he’d been cheating, the Alice who had been struggling with depression for as long as Shelley could remember, the Alice that Shelley had been calling everyday religiously, to make sure she hadn’t off’d herself after quitting her job and moving back to her parents.

Liam must have seen the realisation on my face, “Yeah she’s that Alice. So seriously Oli, be kind to her. She’s pretty fragile.”

Before that conversation I’d just had a fascination with watching her weird and charming behaviour, but now I couldn’t stop thinking about her. 

And it was making me feel like shit. 

It didn’t help that I made her so delightfully flustered. Every time I spoke a word to her she’d stutter, stumble, or blush. It was intoxicating. I just wanted to tease her.

But things got unbearable when we were in Dublin. We were staying at a smaller hotel and my room was right next to hers. I was laying in bed trying to drift off when I heard a soft moan. My eyes shot open and I listened carefully. Another moan. I quickly sat up in bed and pressed my ear to the wall behind me. There were so many small noises it nearly drove me insane, before I knew it I was rock solid. I started to imagine doing things to her, that I was the one making her sound like that. Every night since I’d get hard thinking about her little noises, letting my imagination roam wild with increasingly degenerate things I wanted to do to her.

And every day I would notice her clothes becoming more revealing, her eyes on me dripping with more and more lust when she thought no one could see her looking.

Every day I’d also catch her staring into space, obviously in deep pain.

Something about that spurred me on, made me want to do things to her. 

Liam’s words kept playing in my head over and over; be kind to her. And I agreed with that, she should get to heal and be surrounded by kindness. We all deserve that.

Then why did I want to humiliate her and call her names? Why was it that when I was alone at night, as cum was shooting onto my stomach, that my final thoughts would always be of her beautiful, freshly tortured face?

I tried to not overthink it, it was just fantasy, right? Just a fun thought to get off to. But then my mind would start to wander during the day as well, imagining things while watching her. That’s when I knew I had a problem.

It wasn’t until I grabbed her that night and fucked her that I realized the rough sex I wanted was actually to lessen the pain; for both of us. Was that healthy? I had no clue – probably not. Everything in my body had screamed at me to do it, like my subconscious knew exactly where to scratch the itch. I don’t know how I knew she had the same itch, I thought it might have been a deranged delusion until she’d confirmed it on the plane. Her pain had been a lighthouse in the night, but instead of steering clear of the warning, I’d headed right towards it.

It worked though. The morning after we had sex I felt lighter in some inexplicable way despite being guilt ridden and sleep deprived. And for the first time in over a year I was inspired to write lyrics. I was so wrapped up in writing on my phone that morning I hadn’t even noticed when Alice walked in from the balcony. Although the lyrics had been complete shit, but that was alright, it was part of the process. I just couldn’t believe I was writing again.

For some naive reason I had thought giving in, to let myself have her – just this once – would rid me of this obsession. So I could finally move on. 

When she made it clear she wanted more, I panicked. But while infuriating, and challenging, I still had my mind set on staying away from her.

I’m an idiot.

My boot hit something while pacing back and forth in the green light of the storage room Alice had left me in, jarring me back to the moment. I noticed I wasn’t shaking anymore and took a seat on the floor, leaning against the wall.

Tonight was different though, not like the first time. I don’t know if it was the exhaustion from the show, or just how impulsive I had been. Everything I told her on the plane I still believed, but something in me came undone when I saw how she was looking at me as I descended the stage. Suddenly her words from our conversation rattled in my head, sounding very convincing; ‘I don’t care, and I don’t want to care.’ 

I was so fed up with caring. I just wanted more of it – more of her. When I grabbed her tonight I felt so much frustration, so much anger with myself for not wanting to stay away anymore. Seeing the fear in her eyes as I choked her, even if it was just for a couple of seconds, made me feel such glee and satisfaction. I could have toyed with her all night.

But then she was wrapped around me, kissing me, caressing me with her delicate hands. She was so soft, so warm... A part of my heart that had long frozen over began to melt. 

I was scared, but I felt brave enough to explore it.

Instead I was immediately reminded of why I had let that part of me freeze in the first place.

Pulling my knees up, I let my elbows rest on them as I dragged my hands through my hair, pushing it out of my face.

My sadness turned bitter. I was expected to be on vocal rest tonight after the show, which I was pleased about. All I wanted to do was wallow in my self pity– alone. I got up to find Liam so he could arrange a ride to the hotel. He had clearly seen something was off about me, but thankfully not questioned it, and before I knew it I was standing in the hotel shower. 

As I was watching the water run down the drain I could feel myself slipping into a dangerously dark place of my mind. A place that had led me to drugs in the past.

I repeatedly tried to shake it off, but hours passed and I was still slipping.

Around two in the morning I decided to go down to the hotel bar, not so much to drink but rather to be around people, and to get a change of scenery. 

When the elevator doors opened to the bar area, my heart sank.

Alice was sitting at the bar on the other side of the room, a bit hunched over. I contemplated turning around, going back upstairs, but I knew what waited for me there, and I’d had enough of that. Instead I took a deep breath and started walking towards her. The closer I got the more obviously drunk she appeared. She must have been here a while. My own sadness got pushed aside, sympathy taking its place. 

“Alice?” I spoke gently, hoping not to startle her. Her hollow eyes turned towards me, barely meeting mine. She was far gone. 

I continued, “Maybe it’s time to head to bed, yeah?”

Thankfully there was no fight in her, she just nodded clumsily and slid off the seat. She would have fallen on her face if I hadn’t caught her. I propped her against me as we slowly stumbled out of the bar. Once we were in the elevator she collapsed further and I slid one arm under her legs while the other supported her back, then I picked her up. She nestled effortlessly into me. 

When we got up to my floor I realised I didn’t have a clue where her room was. I looked down at her pained face so close to mine, “Where’s your room, love?”

Her words came slurred, “You know I actually don't have a clue.”

I stood there staring at her for a long time, knowing my options and not liking them. I could either call Liam and let him know about her state, or take her back to my room.

Would she get fired if they knew she’d gotten this drunk during a tour? 

Without skipping a beat I started walking towards my room. She wasn’t exactly the best at her job, and I couldn’t bear the thought of her getting in trouble for something I’d been the cause of.

Somewhere in the back of my mind I knew it was unlikely she’d get fired, but I couldn’t risk it; couldn’t risk her not being around anymore. I wasn’t ready for that.

I laid her down on the bed. She cuddled into the pillow instinctively and mumbled something inaudible. All I could do was pull the cover on top of her. Meanwhile something pulled at my heart.

I had been so lonely for so long. I didn’t even know this woman, how could I possibly feel anything for her beyond attraction? I was just falling for the idea of her, because I related to her situation. Knowing I’d go insane if I didn’t ignore the feelings, I pushed them aside.

I went and got the bin from the bathroom – just in case, and placed it next to the bed. Then I relaxed into the chair across the bed, watching her.

What fucking mess had I gotten myself into.

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Chapter 5 - Cut me open and tell me what’s inside

Chapter title is lyrics from "Avalanche”

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I was swimming somewhere not quite conscious when I heard snoring – something I hadn’t heard since I was living with my ex. But it was softer, different from the one I had listened to for years. I pried my dry eyes open to make sense of it. It was like looking through a blurry lens from somewhere far, far away, but I could see Oli awkwardly tucked into an armchair across from me – fast asleep. The lights spilling in through the window from the Vegas nightlife, painting him in shades of pinks and blues. A fleeting image of his eyes in the green light flickered in my thoughts before I drifted off again.

The next time I woke up it was much brighter and my head was spinning. I pulled the cover higher to be rid of the assaulting light, wanting to melt back into slumber, but memories from last night had already started to trickle in. How I’d ran down that corridor, trying my best to keep the tears in before I found the ladies bathroom. When I finally locked myself in a stall, the tears had come instantly and violently. I was so tired of hurting, I just wanted an escape. But Oli had…

I shot up in bed – a grave mistake considering my current state – and gripped my head with both hands as if trying to prevent my brain from falling out.

Oli was here last night. In my room.I looked around carefully through squinting eyes.

Nevermind. 

This was not my room.

I quickly patted myself down to see if I was naked, but to my bewilderment I was still fully dressed in last night's attire. Before I got a chance to panic further about the situation, I heard the door open and shut, followed by Oli walking in holding some drinks. He didn’t even look in my direction as he walked over to shut the blinds before coming back around to wordlessly hand me a ginger ale. He gestured for me to move so he could sit at the end of the bed, so I scrambled to pull my legs up. It wasn’t until he was sitting that he allowed himself to look at me. His gaze was cold, unbothered, and his voice matched it, “Do you agree now that we shouldn’t keep doing this?”

I couldn’t think straight, clearly not sober yet from last night's escapades of vodka based drink selection. After a moment of just staring blankly at him, he looked down at the bottle in my hand and sighed deeply, “Drink up, it’ll help.”

I stared at the bottle, it was sweating on the duvet.

“Give it here, I’ll open it for you.” His voice was much softer now, clearly taking pity on my state. When he leaned over to take it off me our hands brushed, ever so slightly, but it was enough to make me feel a mix of the emotions from last night when he had laced our fingers together. Just much duller. 

The opened bottle was handed back to me and I downed half of its content in one go, not realising how thirsty I had been. Some of it ran down the side of my face, eliciting a chuckle from Oli, but he abruptly stopped himself, like he had realised his steely guard was faltering.

‘Do you agree now that we shouldn’t keep doing this?’

My brain was slowly catching up on the conversation, trying to process his question.

The problem was that, despite last night, I really didn’t want to stop. I didn’t want to stop sneaking my indulgent glances at him, didn’t want to stop thinking about him at night, and I absolutely didn’t want to stop being manhandled by him. Not only was he an effective distraction throughout the day, but I wanted to feel that freedom again, something only he had managed to do for me. He had made me feel so incredibly alive.

Except last night, when he made me wish I was dead.

It was as if he had been a mirror, forcing me to look at the despair inside myself. The mangled mess left there to rot after having my path in life torn away, and my personality ripped to shreds. I didn’t have a clue who I really was, what I enjoyed, or what I wanted out of life. Just aimlessly taking it one day at a time.

I had gone to the bar last night to forget what I had seen in his eyes, but as I sat there attempting to drown my sorrow, I couldn’t help but wonder if he was as broken as me. I knew he had drug problems in the past, and I knew he had been cheated on. How much of that was still unresolved; how much did he still carry with him? Last night my curiosity had been out of sympathy, but today it was laced with anger. As if it was somehow his fault I'd been forced to feel these things, like he had made me look there.

Maybe it was the fact that I hadn’t sobered up yet, or just stupidity, but I decided that I didn’t want to answer his question about us. Instead I wanted to return the favour and make him look at his own suffering.

I cleared my throat, yet the words came horse, “Tell me about her.”

Instantly I regretted asking. It felt so cruel, so callous.

“She was a cunt.” He proclaimed without a thought, spoken as casually as you’d talk about the weather, “That’s all anyone needs to know about her really.”

I blinked. Annoyed he hadn’t reacted the way I expected. Annoyed he hadn’t actually shared anything at all.

Alright let’s be cruel then.

“Who did she cheat with?”

“Old friend.” Hints of tension in his voice now.

“How did you find out?”

There was a slight pause this time, annoyance clearly setting in. “Why are you asking, Alice?”

“Did you start doing drugs again after you found out?”

His expression changed to anger and disbelief as he ran his fingers through his hair in frustration. “Why the fuck do you-” He started, but stopped himself to stare off in the distance for a short moment. When he continued he was completely calm, looking straight at me, “Yeah, I did.”

The thing in me that wanted to torment him unceremoniously deflated, and I could feel my expression soften.

He sucked his teeth before he continued, “I got out of that pit though, like I have many times in the past.”

There was something I had been wondering about since the first night he grabbed me, and I can only guess the alcohol still in my system let my intrusive thoughts win, because suddenly the question had slipped out of my mouth, “The night we had sex, is that what you were talking about when you said you wanted to throw everything away?”

He looked away, clearly uncomfortable, “I mean yeah, I thought that had been obvious. My history with ketamine isn’t exactly a secret, I’ve talked about it plenty. Didn’t you google us before the tour?”

“I did, but I thought you hadn’t touched drugs in years.” I said, hoping he’d confirm or deny it.

Still clearly uncomfortable, he responded, “I’ve been off the stuff since after the breakup, so about a year. That was the only relapse in a long time though.”

Crap, I could feel another question coming, “So… why had you almost relapsed the night we had sex?” I felt guilty for asking, knowing I shouldn’t probe; knowing I had gone too far about five questions ago. 

That caused him to immediately push off the bed, “You know what Alice, maybe it’s time to get you back to your room.”

A fair reaction – and I agreed – but when I shifted to get out of bed everything was spinning from having moved too fast, and I could feel myself falling forward. Oli was there in a heartbeat and pushed me back into a sitting position over the side of the bed, the sudden motion threatening to make me hurl.

Annoyance emanated from him, “Bloody hell, you’ve got to stop doing that.” He said, crouching down next to the bed, still holding me up by the shoulders. His face was too close to mine, his scent surrounding me. The way he smelled was triggering something in me, something I didn’t quite understand, like so many other things I couldn’t figure out – or wanted to think about. Then suddenly I became aware that I probably looked insane, and possibly smelled even worse. 

‘Maybe it’s time to get you back to your room.’ his words rang in my ears as I fought off the nausea. I turned my head slightly out of embarrassment before I spoke, “Why am I in your room anyway?”

“Cause someone decided getting shitfaced on tour was a good idea.”

While his words may have been passive aggressive, his tone was sweet. A pang of regret hit me. This wasn’t what I wanted. I didn’t want to hurt him. I wasn’t the only one in pain, and I felt so incredibly selfish for all of it. For the probing, for wanting to continue being used when he had specifically told me it wasn’t who he wanted to be. 

For running away last night when it had gotten hard. 

My own words now ringing in my head; I don’t just give up when things get a bit complicated.

How ironic.

I spoke softly out of shame, “I-I'm sorry Oli. I just didn’t want to feel like this anymore.”

A frown grew on his face, ”Nothing to worry about, I mean sure you’re being a bit of a bitch, aren’t you? But you're not in some type of trouble, I won’t tell Liam how drunk you got if that’s what you're thinking.”

I didn’t want to cry, but I could feel my eyes starting to burn as I spoke, “No, it’s not that… I'm sorry for running away last night.”

He was clearly caught off guard, sadness – hurt even – painted across his features. Slowly he released the grip on my shoulders, testing to see if I could remain upright. When he was happy I wouldn’t collapse, he leaned back, still crouching before me as I continued, 

“It was just too much, I felt so- didn’t know how to, or even begin to-” My vision was blurred with tears as I heard the frantic nonsense escape my mouth.

What was I doing?

His hands were back on me, on my arms this time, “Hey, sh-sh-sh, Alice, it’s alright, there’s no need for that.” But my tears turned to uncontrollable sobs.

“Ah, fuck.” He muttered as he pulled me down into his lap to sit on the floor, my legs wrapped around him, and his arms around me. I had wanted to wait till I was alone to cry again, but I was too drained – too overwhelmed, so I let myself be held as I cried into his hair.

It wasn’t until he held me tighter that I realised he was crying too.

A long time passed, and every time I thought I was done I started back up again. A dam had burst inside me and so many feelings were melting into tears, pouring out of me as I held onto Oli like a lifeline. I cried over the maddening numbness of wasting my life in mundane hell, I cried for the years worth of isolation, I cried over the frustration of last night not going the way I needed it to, I cried over the disgust I felt with myself for having let any of this happen in the first place. And then I cried for all the pain and confusion inside me I couldn’t put into words.

His tears came to an end before mine, so he lazily caressed my back as I wept. When the floodgates finally closed we were left just sitting there, embracing each other in silence. The thought of pulling away to face him after this was nerve wracking, but I knew it had to happen. 

So I wiped at my mess of a face with my sleeve, then took several deep breaths to gather myself before leaning back against the bed behind me. 

Oli’s eyes were red and slightly puffy, and he spoke without skipping a beat, as if he had been waiting for me, “I thought she was my soulmate.” A sombre smile tugged at his lips, “I know it sounds daft but I really did believe that.”

I wanted to tell him I didn’t think it sounded daft, but I was stunned, not expecting such personal details.

He huffed out a bitter laugh, “Problem is, once you really believe in something eternal like that, but it turns out to be some cosmic prank – what do you do with that? Everything in life lost its purpose, there was no point to anything anymore.” Looking down, shaking his head, he continued, “If I could have been that sure about something, knowing it to be as real as anything else on this planet, how was I supposed to trust my gut again?”

I didn’t have any answers for him, but I knew he wasn’t expecting any. Instead I decided to answer his question from earlier.

“I don’t want to stop what we’re doing.”

He looked up at me through his hair, “Even after what happened last night?”

There was a slight internal battle, but I was so worn down, and I knew it was my turn to share. I looked away before I spoke, “My breakup wasn’t the same as yours. I wasn’t blindsided, I think I knew for a long time that he’d been cheating on me, and I knew he wasn’t my soulmate.. He was barely a friend.” I could only describe it as an outer body experience to hear these things come from my mouth; things I didn’t even like to think about.

When I looked back at him, his head was tilted to the side in bewilderment, “Then why are you hurting so much?”

I sighed deeply, “Because for the past eleven years I had let myself become a version of myself I thought was expected of me, and now I am nothing at all because of it. Just empty, with no interests or passions.”

He shook his head again, “That explains the hurt, but the rest isn’t true, is it?”

“What do you mean?” I asked, genuinely curious.

There was a pause as he scanned my face, contemplating, “From my experience, people who say they feel empty are usually the ones bursting at the seams with something. Maybe something they’re ashamed of or just repressed for whatever reason.” He leaned in a bit closer, that playful smile looking back at me, “Honestly love, you seem pretty passionate to me. Why else would you choose to be choked by a rockstar with drug problems, instead of just getting a new hobby or something – a bit extreme innit?”

Heat crept up my cheeks, and I could feel a smile play on my lips.

I couldn't tell if what he said carried any truth for me personally or not. Sure, it sounded plausible enough, but how would I know? There was such a mess inside me I didn’t know where to begin to untangle it. But a little bit of hope fluttered in my chest, like maybe I wasn’t a completely lost cause after all.

I heard the faint ding of the elevator from the hotel corridor, and I was abruptly reminded that the road trip portion of the tour starts today, and I was expected to prep the tour bus with Liam as soon as it arrives around noon.

I straightened with a jolt, eyes widening, “What time is it!?”

My jolt had clearly jarred him, “I haven’t a clue, around one maybe?”

I started to push myself off him, feeling panicked, but stopped myself when I remembered what happened last time I tried to move too quickly, “Can you help me up? I need to get ready for work.” I asked, looking sheepish.

“Sure”, he helped me up slowly and I made my way to the door, but there was one last question still rattling inside my head, clawing to get out. “Hey Oli,” I looked back at him standing next to the bed.

“Yeah?”

I knew this was a bad idea, but it had left my lips before I had a chance to think it through, “Do you want to keep doing this?” I swallowed, “As in, doing things to me.”

He shifted awkwardly, eyes falling to the floor. Disappointment washed over me at his reaction to the loaded question.

The tone of his voice shifted into something much more intense, “More than you know, Alice. But I’m not sure it’s a good idea.”

The disappointment melted away, quickly replaced by the fighting spirit in me that still wasn’t willing to let the one thing I was passionate about slip away. “Because you can’t trust your gut?”

He grinned at my question, but it died on his lips as he spoke, “Because I’m not sure it’s for the right reasons.”

His words sprouted so many follow-up questions; so many arguments. Realising this could turn into a lengthy conversation – and I was very much out of time – I decided to cut things short with a simple few words that would hopefully work in my favour.

I pushed the door handle down, “I’ll be skipping the underwear from now on.” When I opened the door – a clear indication that the conversation was over – his eyes darkened, violence behind his stare.

I couldn’t help but smile as I left.

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Chapter 6 - That’s all the time we have this week

Chapter title is lyrics from "MANTRA"

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The world was testing me, clearly trying to see where my breaking point was.

About two hours had passed since I left Oli in his hotel room, and I hadn’t sat down since. On a normal day that would have been fine, but considering I was just now starting to sober up, combined with Liam having me work at double speed due to being late again, it was unusually brutal.

A few times I had to lean against the bus for a moment to catch my breath after dragging luggage, various drinks, snacks, bedding, equipment, and whatever random things the band had decided to bring onto the vehicle. It wasn’t made better by the fact that this was a double decker, meaning many of the heavier items needed to be carried up the cramped bus stairs; where the sleeping bunks were located. The lower tier was mostly seating, with some tables, a small sink, and a toilet in the back next to the stairs.

When we were finally done setting everything up and making the beds, we collapsed on the larger sofa in the seating area. Liam sighed deeply and looked at his watch, “Alright, we did it. We even have some time to spare. Fucking miraculous.”

I raised my arms in celebration, but immediately dropped them again, entirely too tired to keep them there.

We had been sitting in comfortable silence for a while when I let myself sink into the sofa further, closing my eyes, in heaven from being off my feet. That’s when Liam, out of nowhere, decided to ask, “Did you have sex with Oli last night?”

My eyes shot open to stare up at him in shock. He never asked me any personal questions, and I had thought our conversation on the plane was a one time deal of getting personal. He smiled when I didn’t answer, “You did, didn’t you?”

I sat up straight and positioned myself to face him, “Actually, no. We didn’t do much.”

His expression turned to confusion, “But you spent the night with him?”

I scratched my head, not knowing how to explain the bizarre series of events; not knowing if I even wanted to share them with Liam, “I-I guess? It’s a bit… complicated.”

He shot me a teasing smile, “Do you like him?”

I blushed, not knowing how to answer that question either.

“Sorry love, I don’t mean to interrogate you. I just couldn’t help but notice you weren't in your hotel room this morning when I went to wake you up.” 

Guilt hit me for having been late so much at this point, “I’m really sorry about that, I swear I’ll get better at-”

Clearly uninterested in my apology, he cut me off, ”So I may not have been completely honest with you when I said I didn't know anything about Oli’s intentions.” He said, looking guilty himself, “It might mean nothing at all, but I have seen him looking at you Alice, and I don’t just mean in that lusty way you stare at him all the time.” 

My blush deepened, I wanted the earth to open up and swallow me. I didn’t realise I had been that obvious.

He held his hands up, “Like I said, it might be nothing. But he’s positively beaming when he looks at you sometimes. And while you do with that information as you wish, can I ask you a favour?”

I felt dumbfounded but curious, “Of course, what?”

“I can’t help but notice you haven’t looked at him that same way. So if you’re gonna break the poor man's heart, please do it gently, yeah? He’s clearly been through hell and back.”

In all honesty I didn’t know how I felt about Oli, I was entirely too wrapped up in how he made me feel. But besides our conversation this morning, we barely knew each other. How could he possibly feel anything for me? Surely Liam had misinterpreted the situation, right?

Right?

My mind wasn’t allowed to process Liams questions any further before we could hear the band members outside, and suddenly Lee burst through the door, taking long strides to get upstairs. Mat was right on his heels and disappeared up the steps behind Lee.

“Good morning to you too, lads!” Liam yelled up to them. 

Earlier Liam had explained that Lee and Mat would always fight over the best bunk, having apparently resulted in a handful of injuries in the past.

I heard more footsteps outside, and out of habit I fixed my hair in anticipation of seeing Oli, making Liam chuckle next to me. I glared at him but he just gave me a knowing smile, so I gave him a well-deserved jab with my elbow.

Matt was next (again, not to be confused with Mat), he strolled in casually while hugging a pillow, shaking his head, “Will they ever stop doing that? Who cares what bunk you get, they’re all the same when you’re in them.”

You could hear Mat and Lee arguing faintly upstairs, then the bus was shaking slightly from their brawl, mixed in with some yelping noises every so often.

Then Oli stepped onto the bus while responding to Matt, “I vote we let them fight it out, personally. They’re like toddlers, let them get some energy out so we can have a nice trip.”

Then everyone took their seats, and to my surprise I watched as Oli took the chair right across from me, on the other side of the walkway. He let his eyes roam my body for a moment – never actually meeting my eyes – before looking away.

Liam inclined his head towards Matt’s pillow in confusion, “You know we brought pillows, right?”

“Yeah but last night I slept better than I’ve done in years, I couldn’t just leave this puppy behind.” He said, slapping his pillow, looking down at it as if it was his most precious possession.

Oli laughed, “You stole the pillow, mate? I thought those days were behind us.”

Matt’s face lit up, “Remember when we walked out carrying a whole mattress? I still can’t believe they didn’t even try to stop us.”

“Desperate times call for desperate measures as they say,” Oli looked over to Liam to explain further, “We didn’t have enough bunks on the cheap tour bus we could afford back then, you see. So we got creative.” He said, tapping his finger to his temple.

The conversation went on but I couldn’t focus on what was being said, getting too distracted looking at Oli.

He was wearing the same plain black t-shirt from earlier with some grey shorts. I hadn’t taken much note of his appearance at the time due to my state, and how emotional everything had gotten. While all of us were dressed in more casual attire than usual – both because this was the beginning of the road trip, but also because Vegas was quite warm compared to what we were used to in the UK this time of the year – it was such a stark contrast from what Oli usually wore. Seeing him this dressed down, without any of his usual loud accessories, prints or colours, really accentuated him. Elaborate inkwork cascading down every limb, up his neck, around his face. All of which made so much sense with his usual attire, everything coming together as one cohesive design. Now it threatened to look out of place next to the plain clothes, with his gentle eyes, boyish smile, and messy hair.

Somehow both of these versions worked entirely too well. And I found myself wondering if there was anything this man couldn't pull off. I also found myself wondering what some of the designs on his thighs looked like higher up. As my mind tried to imagine it, I realised that while I had felt his dick inside me, I hadn’t actually seen it.

I must have unknowingly let my eyes rest on his crotch area for a long time while I was daydreaming, because out of nowhere Oli shot me a piercing glance without turning his head, making me straighten on the sofa, tucking my hair behind my ear awkwardly.

“Shall we get going then?” Liam asked, saving me from further embarrassment.

This was also the day I learned that Liam used to be a bus driver when he was younger, which was apparently a big reason the touring agency had wanted him.

Hours passed on the long journey and I had managed to keep my thoughts in check for the most of it. The daylight had faded into darkness when Liam pulled into a Walmart car park for a short break. 

“Alright lads, you have around 30 minutes before the store shuts. Go, go, go!” He proclaimed after parking up, hurrying himself to get off the bus. Everyone scurried to get out to grab the variety of things they had been planning during the past hours.

Everyone except Oli, who was looking right at me. His arms were crossed, one of his legs propped up on the other.

We sat in silence until no one could be heard in the distance.

When all we could hear from the calm night was distant cars, he spoke, “Are you wearing any underwear?”

I swallowed, feeling increasingly nervous, “No.”

His arms relaxed onto the armrests, and his eyes darkened – along with his voice, “Show me.” 

Not a question; a command.

I could feel the heat spread throughout my body, continuing up my cheeks. I was wearing a simple black mini skirt and an oversized tour shirt. With a nervous exhale, knowing someone could come back at any moment – knowing the bus door is still open, I decided to obey his command. My heartbeat fell to my core as I leaned back and spread my legs, raising them up to let my feet rest next to me on the sofa, giving him a clear view of my more-than-likely soaking pussy from having been wrapped up in dirty thoughts about him all day.

His propped leg dropped to the floor with a deep sigh, and he let his hand play on his chin. The carnal gaze shifted between awe and something barely contained, as he let himself leisurely take in the sight of me. 

That’s when I noticed his bulge shifting – growing, causing my breath to hitch.

The noise got his attention, and his expression turned intense and his serious eyes shot to mine, “Touch yourself.”

Another command.

I wordlessly reached between my legs to do as I was told. I was in fact soaking, and the wetness made a noise that caused the now clear outline in his shorts – pulling slightly to the right might I add – to twinge in response.

His lips parted slightly, letting his fingers brush them as he appeared almost intoxicated.

I was pushing at my entrance to elicit more wet noises, so I could see that delightful twinge again when he spoke, “No, play with your clit, love.” His eyes transfixed on my pussy now.

Stopping my motion, I went back up to my clit, rubbing it slowly in small circles. After a moment a whimper spilled from my mouth as it started to feel particularly good. That wicked smile bloomed on his lips, his eyes still not leaving my pussy, “That’s it, a bit faster now.”

Once again I obeyed. My breath came heavier, and adrenaline was hitting me as I realised I would cum if I kept going like this long enough, causing my eyes to dart towards the bus door nervously.

He caught me looking and abruptly leaned forward, shooting me daggers as he let his arms rest on his legs, “Look at me.” He said. Demanding words, sharp with anger.

My wide eyes met his, “Don’t worry about that,” he said, gesturing towards the open door, “Just keep looking at me.”

A breathy “Okay.” left me, as I continued to build my orgasm, followed by another small whimper.

With a tilted head, his dark eyes roamed my face, and I watched as that corrupt smile continuously tugged at his lips. “I’ve thought about what you look like when you touch yourself so many times now, I had to see it for myself.” His gaze darted to my pussy before returning to look at me. He continued speaking, tone growing increasingly intense, “You’re fucking stunning.”

Small breathy moans start spilling from my open mouth, causing Oli’s own breathing to grow heavier as he pressed on, sounding nearly demonic now, “You’re a fucking whore for doing this, you know that right?” 

His words just encouraged me, setting something in me ablaze – getting me closer to my goal. 

He huffed out a breathy laugh, looking like he’s about to snap; like he’s also close to going over some kind of edge. He carried on in the same dangerous voice, “I want to push you to your fucking limit, Alice. I want to see your makeup run down your pretty little face as I make you choke on my cock, testing how long you can hold your breath for me.”

I was shaking, feeling my orgasm building, and building.

He let out a ragged breath, “You close, love?”

I nodded through my whimpers.

He shot out of his chair and was suddenly over me, one of his hands slipping behind my neck, gripping my nape firmly to keep me looking at him, our breaths mingling with his face hovering mere inches from mine. His other hand disappeared between my legs, his middle and ring fingers slipping into me, going straight for the g spot. 

My whole body went electric.

“Cum for me.” He demanded with a softness the other commands had lacked.

I went over the edge, my free hand grabbing his arm as my eyes rolled back. Through the sounds spilling out of me I could hear him murmur words of encouragement, “That’s it love, that’s it… Fuck.”

As I came back down his eyes were on fire, appearing drunk with lust. “You’re such a good whore.” He whispered, a devil's smile growing on his lips as his fingers started moving in me again. “Keep going, Alice. Cum for me again.”

My hand started moving again, but as soon as it did we heard distant chatter.

Oli leaned back, head snapping towards the open door, then back at me with violence behind his eyes – clearly frustrated to have his playtime cut short.

He pulled his fingers out of me and fell back into his chair, propping his leg back up on his knee to conceal his otherwise very obvious erection.

As I hurried to pull my skirt down to cover myself up, I looked up to meet his fiery gaze staring back at me, his fingers in his mouth – the same two fingers I just came on – sucking them dry as his chest rose and fell with his still laboured breathing.

I felt panic grow inside me, knowing I wouldn’t be able to appear normal; knowing I was too far gone, I got up and ran to the toilet, locking myself in there before anyone could see me.

My reflection in the mirror confirmed my fear. My hair was a mess, my face was flushed, and my eyes appeared as glazed with lust as Oli’s had.

There was no doubt in my mind that if we kept going like this it was only a matter of time before everyone found out about us.

…Only a matter of time before I found out if Oli actually had feelings for me or not.

Before I had to figure out how I felt about him.

I swallowed, spiralling further into panic.

What the hell was I doing?

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Chapter 7 - My heart’s a hieroglyph, it talks in tongues

Chapter title is lyrics from "Run”

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Get yourself together Alice.

But the woman staring back at me in the stupid little mirror just continued looking panicked and flustered.

I should be happy. I should be over the moon. When I left Oli in his hotel room this morning, informing him I wouldn’t be wearing any underwear going forward, my hope was that he’d eventually give in to temptation. Not realising he’d pounce the very second he could. Regardless of the risk. 

How could I have known it would be that effective? 

Sure, maybe I should have been able to put two and two together after he proceeded to throw me over his shoulder and manhandle me, just one day after very adamantly arguing what a bad idea more sex would be.

‘Because I’m not sure it’s for the right reasons.’ His words echoed in my mind. And while I didn’t want to agree with him – while I didn’t want to even entertain the idea – I had to admit the same thoughts had occurred to me once or twice as well, but I’d swatted them away like flies at a picnic.

Frustration was building. What if Liam was right? What if Oli was interested in me, and what if he eventually wanted something more? A big part of me thought it was absurd, he barely knows me. But I still couldn’t help but toss the idea around, examining it from every angle. It would explain why our time together in the storage room turned so incredibly intimate out of nowhere – and why would he bring me back to his room when I was blackout drunk, just to take care of me?

No, that was a ridiculous thought to have. Any decent human being would take care of someone in need, and the intimate moment could happen to anyone – it doesn’t mean anything.

I could see the panic grow on my features.

While it probably meant nothing, I knew that if there was even a sliver of a chance Liam was right, I had to figure out what the hell I was doing here as soon as possible.

Despite this being a truly horrible time to do this, I couldn’t resist touching on those painful thoughts I’d been ignoring the past couple of days, knowing that if I didn’t take advantage of my current panicked state, I’d never want to revisit them again.

I leaned forwards, placing my hands on the sink in the small tour bus toilet, and gave myself the steeliest stare I could muster up.

Why – The Fuck – do you like to be used, choked, and called a whore?

While I tried to answer my own question, images of Oli’s delightful expressions when he did these things to me flooded my mind, making my knees weak, and my stern face melted into a flustered smile. It didn’t help that I just had an orgasm, and wouldn’t mind a couple more.

Out of pure stubbornness, I slapped myself and decided to fight through it.

Alice – you horny piece of shit – why do you like it so much?

What does it actually make me feel, what do I get out of it? Is it the loss of control, the freedom? Sure, but while that explains part of it, I knew there was a lot more to it.

I felt shame flood me, fighting me, making me want to stop going down this path.

Was Oli right, was it some type of self harm? There was a part of that thought that scared me, but I couldn’t help but feel like the shoe didn’t quite fit.

I shook my head, knowing I was getting nowhere. I was ready to move on to the next question when I noticed the bite mark on my neck slightly poking through my concealer, further reminding me that it was only a matter of time before everyone would find out about us at this rate, further spiralling me into panic.

Okay, seriously – focus. Do you like him?

I sighed deeply. How do I feel about Oliver Sykes besides finding him incredibly attractive? I know I like how passionate he is, not just sexually, but with all his projects. I know I like how funny and charming he can be. I know I like the way I feel when he’s around me, regardless of what's going on. I couldn’t quite put a finger on it, but he made me feel some type of way – the same way I felt when I could smell him.

Discomfort was starting to creep in as I realised it wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world to spend more time with him, maybe get to know him better. As if just the idea of it becoming something else, something more, struck fear in some tender part of me that just wanted to run away and hide.

I found myself hoping that Liam was wrong with his observation, because at least then I could keep enjoying my time with Oli without anyone getting their feelings hurt. If anyone else found out about us it wouldn’t be a big deal – lots of people casually hook up.

The woman looking back at me in the mirror looked sad and defeated, but all signs of panic and fluster had left her.

Knowing I wasn’t getting anywhere, I took one last deep breath and got myself ready to leave the bathroom.

Everyone was back when I stepped out, and Liam had just gotten back into the driver's seat, ready to keep going. I awkwardly sat back down across from Oli, who was on his phone, casually eating some oreos the guys had picked up, as if nothing had just happened between us.

Right as I picked up my own phone to distract myself, Oli looked up at me through his messy hair and shot me a warm smile before putting another oreo in his mouth. The warmth of it caused something in my chest to heat up in response, shocking me so severely I fumbled and sent my phone tumbling onto the floor next to his feet.

You could tell he stifled a laugh. With his mouth full of oreo, he bent over to collect my phone and hand it back to me. Thankfully no one else paid any mind to my awkwardness, as they were too busy having a heated argument about amp models. But I felt like a ridiculous school girl getting flustered by some pretty boy. It made so much more sense to me to get flustered by the man before we had sex. Now it came with some implication that I wasn’t ready for.

The rest of the trip was an exhausting mix of awkwardness and confusion, made worse when the conversation died down from everyone getting tired, leaving me to my thoughts more than I had liked. Leaving me and Oli to accidentally lock eyes more often than I was comfortable with, knowing it meant we both couldn’t keep each other out of our minds.

It was 3 am when Liam pulled up to the hotel we were staying the next two nights.

Everyone filtered out of the bus like zombies, carrying our bare essentials for the rest of the night. We were all on the same floor of the hotel, so when the elevator doors opened I headed straight for my room, forcing myself to not look back to see where Oli was. 

I heard a bunch of doors open and close as I tried to get the card for my room to work. With every swipe I was internally praying it would unlock, and after every failed swipe I had to fight myself to look back to check if he was there.

With a click the door finally unlocked, but for some inexplicitly stupid reason I allowed myself to look back. 

He was standing all the way down the corridor by his door. He swung it open and waved for me to come over before he stepped inside.

I froze.

Why did I have to look back? It could have been so simple. I could be having hours of uncomplicated sleep ahead of me, but now there was some unknown abyss waiting for me down the hall. Would we have amazing sex, or a conversation I wasn’t ready for? Spin the bloody wheel.

Knowing I couldn’t resist either way, I locked my door and headed towards the unknown on the other side of the corridor.

I shuffled past him awkwardly while he held the door open, then dropped my bag on the floor before sitting down on the end of the bed, not knowing what to expect next. He locked the door and came over to sit next to me.

He leaned forward, facing away from me as he spoke, “Listen love, I clearly can’t keep my hands to myself, and while I’m aware that is exactly what you want, I’m struggling with it a fair bit. I feel like I’m at your mercy here.” I could feel myself becoming claustrophobic as he continued, “I had every intention to have an actual conversation with you when we were alone on the bus, but that went out the window as soon as I saw the way you looked at me.”

I shifted awkwardly, wanting to run away.

“I know you barely know me Alice, but can I ask you something?” He tilted his head in my direction and searched my face, questioning, “Do you trust me?”

I was stunned, not knowing what I had expected, but that wasn’t it. It must have shown on my face as he looked surprised back at me. I opened my mouth, “What do you mean?”

It was his turn to shift awkwardly, his voice dipping a bit lower as he spoke, “When I choke you, do you trust I won’t just choke you out?”

I didn’t have to think about it, I could feel it in my gut, “Yes.”

He huffed out a small laugh before turning his body towards me, “And why is that exactly?”

I frowned, “I don’t know, but I don’t think you’d actually harm me.”

His head tilted to the side, bewilderment spreading across his features, “All I’ve told you is how I don’t feel like I can control myself around you, how I want to hurt you might I add, and you’re telling me you don’t think I’ll harm you? Are you stupid or something?”

I scoffed, “Maybe, but there’s never been anything wrong with my intuition. Like I said, I knew my ex was cheating, I knew my past life wasn’t for me. So if my gut is telling me I can trust you, I am pretty sure I can.”

He shook his head, “That is a pretty big leap of faith you’re taking there, innit?”

I paused, contemplating his words, “If I’ve learnt anything from the past 11 years, it’s that not taking any risk at all is probably the most dangerous thing I’ve ever done.” I looked down at my hands in my lap, playing with the hem of my skirt anxiously as we sat in silence after my response. I knew he had a problem trusting his own intuition after what happened with his ex, so I couldn’t help but worry that my remark could’ve been interpreted as a jab, despite not intending it to. 

I was about to clarify when he spoke, his tone had grown much more serious, and his words came slower, “When I choked you the other night in the arena, it didn’t look like you wanted me to stop. If there’s any truth to that, what exactly is it you’re looking for here?”

Of course he had noticed, is there anything this man doesn’t pick up on?

Shame was simmering somewhere under the surface, but something came bubbling up from beneath it, “I…” the words spilled out of me as I realised them, “I don’t want to die if that’s what you’re thinking – at least I don’t think I do. I’ve just been living my life in such lukewarm temperatures, too scared to experience anything to the fullest, never feeling something real. I just want to let go and have someone fly me closer to the sun, someone that won’t burn me. Someone I…”

Oli was watching me closely as I spoke my thoughts out loud, “Someone you trust.” He said, finishing my thought.

I swallowed, feeling myself sink deeper into panic.

As I sat there trying to fight the urge to burst out of the door, I was once again aware of the wonderful way he smelled, and suddenly it became crystal clear what it made me feel…

Safety.

He smelled like safety – just like his mere presence made me feel safe. How incredibly ironic, considering how terrified I currently was. 

I could see the vulnerability in his eyes as he watched me, but it was too much. The revelation was too much, the moment was too much. So I shot out of bed, “I need to go.” I hurriedly exclaimed as I all-but-ran to the door. 

But he had leapt in front of me, blocking the exit, “See that makes no sense to me, love.” Angry eyes stared down at me as he began stalking towards me, forcing me to take steps back in the direction of the bed, “You’re trying to convince me you trust me, but you keep running away scared. Explain that to me.”

“Like you said, we barely know each other.” I answered, my heart racing.

Another step, “Yet you’re so sure you trust me.” He said, his strong build towering over me, his hazel eyes shooting me daggers.

We took several more steps before my foot suddenly hit the bed behind me, causing my breath to hitch. “Yes. W-why does it matter to you anyway?” I retorted in a pathetic attempt to stand my ground, knowing my stutter had only made things worse. 

In one quick motion Oli picked me up and threw me onto the bed, knocking the air out of me. Then his warm and hard body was on top of mine, intense eyes staring down at me, his hair brushing my face, “Trust doesn’t come easily for me.” His tone was dark – frustrated. ”You think I open up to people a lot? You think I sleep around? That’s not who I am, love.” His fingers brushed my forehead tenderly, an eerie action considering the situation, “Then you casually come along, basically telling me you trust me with your life. You’re so fucking confusing Alice, you want me to hurt you, you cry in my arms – open up to me – yet you keep wanting to run away. If you actually trust me, what the fuck are you so scared of?”

I wanted to tell him to let me go, I wanted to run away again – not out of fear of his actions, but fear of where the conversation was heading. But I also knew he deserved answers, despite the way he was going about getting them. So without thinking I spoke the first thought that came to mind, “I-I just got out of a relationship, I’m not ready for anything.”

The tender caress abruptly grabbed my chin in a painful grip, “You’re chattin’ shit, that relationship meant nothing to you. What are you actually scared of?” He bit out.

My heart was in my throat, shocked at his sudden increase in aggression, words I didn’t know to be true until I spoke them out loud came flying out of me, “I’m scared I’ll fall for you.”

The frustration left him instantly, his grip loosened and slipped away. He searched my face carefully before speaking much softer, sweet even, “Why does that scare you?”

I looked up at him, feeling as if I was losing some internal battle I hadn’t known I’d been fighting, “Because we might become more than… whatever this is.”

He squinted down at me, “Would that really be so bad?”

I nodded, scared to speak my next realisation out loud, knowing it threatened to make me cry again – and I had cried entirely too much lately.

Hurt spread across his face, “Why?”

My words came so softly, they were barely audible, “I… I’m terrified of having something worth losing.”

He rolled off of me and positioned himself next to me on the bed. We stared up at the ceiling for a short moment as my heart threatened to leap out of my chest, and I contemplated making a run for the door when he spoke, still staring at the ceiling, “Stay the night.”

Not a command this time, but a request. 

He was done forcing me to stay, forcing me to share my thoughts, and was handing the choice back to me. I could give in and make a run for it – get away from the deep discomfort I was drowning in. 

Or I could stay and fight through it.

But I really didn’t think I could fight through it, so I whispered, “I can’t.”

He turned his head towards me and spoke softly, pleading, “Yes you can.”

When I didn’t answer he sat up, “I’m gonna get ready for bed, when I get back I hope you’re still around.” He shot me one last pleading look before he disappeared into the bathroom, and I heard the shower turn on.

For a while I just laid there – frozen – both body and mind, before I sprung out of bed, grabbed my bag and headed straight for the exit. I stopped myself just a couple of feet short, realising this might have been an ultimatum. That if I left now this might be the end of it all, the end of all the delights and all the discomfort the same.

I let my bag drop to the floor again and watched the bathroom door, listening to the running water. I felt anger set in, like it wasn’t fair of him to expect anything from me, but it faded away as quickly as it came, knowing he had every right to walk away from this if it’s not what he wanted.

I started pacing the room, feeling the timer run out to make a choice. Do I risk leaving, in the hopes he’ll come around and want to continue anyway? 

Or do I face my fears and stay?

I sat down on the bed, still unsure what to do. The sound of the shower felt deafening at this point, as if it grew louder with each passing moment I hadn’t made up my mind yet.

Every so often the water would splash differently, reminding me the culprit of my pressing issue was in there. The man that both made me feel safe, and struck so much fear in me I wanted to run for the hills. Someone who filled me to the brim with excitement, yet I was dreading his reappearance to an immeasurable degree.

The shower stopped, and my racing mind went into overdrive, raking over everything that’s happened the past three weeks, the last 11 years – right back to my childhood, as if I could find answers somewhere in there, going down useless paths that lead nowhere, when the bathroom door opened and my racing thoughts came to a shrieking halt.

Only in boxers, steam lapping him as he stepped into the room. He was drying his wet hair with a towel as he wordlessly walked over to the bed, watching me with a blank stare to see what I would do next. As if it was written all over me that I still hadn’t made up my mind.

I got off the bed to collect my bag before looking back at him, then with a deep breath I chose to walk through the bathroom door instead of the exit.

As soon as I shut the door behind me I felt myself go slightly numb, half disassociating from my decision. I chose to not acknowledge it and go about my business. I showered, I brushed my teeth, and I dressed myself in an oversized t-shirt, covering some sexy underwear. At least this way I felt ready for multiple outcomes, not knowing where this night was heading.

When I stepped out of the bathroom he was laying in bed, one arm propped behind his head, the other holding his phone, which he proceeded to put away when he saw me. Shyness washed over me suddenly, the setting feeling entirely too domestic, too familiar, yet I didn’t know how to behave in this setting with this man. Like he didn’t belong in familiarity.

He moved over and raised the cover to let me in – I followed, then he turned off the lights.

At first the darkness was smothering me, but then he reached for me, pulling me into his embrace, making me the small spoon, and something in me eased.

I tried not to overthink it. I tried not to make this a bigger deal than it was. It was just sleep after all, this doesn’t mean anything. Everyone needs sleep. Sometimes we sleep next to people we’re not dating, and that’s normal.

All perfectly normal things.

He must have noticed how tense I was, as he whispered into my hair, “You alright?”

I nearly laughed, feeling hysterical from all the recent events, from how exhausted I was, from the bizarre situation. Instead I said, “Y-yeah, I’m fine.” Willing it to be true.

After a moment he spoke again, “I’m sorry if I wake you, I get nightmares.”

He must have been exhausted too, as shortly after he was clearly asleep, leaving me to watch as the sun slowly came up behind the curtains while he held me.

Thankfully slumber eventually took me as well.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Chapter 8 - The wolves are at my door

Chapter title is lyrics from "Empire”

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Trust.

The cornerstone of so many things in this world. 

As children we trust our parents to do what is best for us, we vote for the political party we trust to achieve the best outcome, and every day we trust that the food we consume wont poison us.

That doesn’t mean our parents won’t traumatise the shit out of us, politicians don’t lie through their teeth, and we won't be puking our fucking brains out after eating the leftover pad thai.

Yet every daily decision – no matter how big or small – requires us to take a leap of faith in some regard.

For most people the majority of decisions are simple, right? The risk so meaningless we don’t even consider it. But to others, that same risk is a mountain. To these people trust is a rare and incredibly valuable commodity, not easily given or received. 

The problem is, these people may wish to test you in ways you may not expect – in ways that might make you uncomfortable, vulnerable, or push you to some internal limit.

Sounds harsh? Maybe. 

But if you’ve been burnt before, then maybe you too understand why this impulse creeps in like instinct, making it seem impossible to trust someone without testing them with precision.

Is this done with malicious intent? Absolutely not.

We just don’t know any other way.

***

I stared down into my drink, the air thick with the scent of perfume and alcohol.

The night's concert had gone just as expected, and so had all the preparations for it. I didn’t quite understand why me and Liam were invited to this party, since we weren’t actually working, but apparently Liam and whoever was assisting him at the time would always come along on these types of events. 

That assistant just happened to be me right now.

Liam had been chatting my ear off all day about whose house we were going to after the concert, but all I could remember was that it’s some famous rapper I had never heard of. I wanted to listen to Liam so badly, but my mind had been too preoccupied obsessing over the fact that I’d spent last night with Oli – just sleeping in his arms. And instead of waking up with him like a sane person, to potentially have some amazing sex, I slipped out unnoticed before I had a chance to see how the morning could’ve unfolded.

The truth is that while I felt a lot of guilt for not staying, last night had been so mentally taxing I couldn’t risk the conversation continuing in the morning light. 

Especially considering I hadn’t digested my brand new revelations about the man yet. 

Sadly a whole day of pondering, while desperately avoiding the culprit, hadn’t done much else besides make me more confused. 

Not made better by tonight's events.

We’d been here almost two hours, lazily nurturing our drinks on one of the many large sofas in the modern, open space mansion with a view. The party featured a large variety of famous people (or so I’ve been told) and what appeared to be models, graciously hosted by someone whose name begins with Lil – like so many rappers before him.

A handful of models had flocked to the band as soon as we walked through the door, despite clearly not knowing who they were. With one lady in particular that latched onto Oli like a leach as soon as she found out he was the lead singer. 

I’d been both lucky and unfortunate enough to end up within earshot of them on the sofa as she was trying to get to know him. Their conversation was simultaneously hilarious and made me want to scream in frustration; a long series of shallow questions asked with a vocal fry, and Oli replying by deepening his already thick Yorkshire accent to the point that she didn’t stand a chance of understanding a single answer – made apparent by her poorly timed fake laughter in response.

It was infuriating, yet I couldn’t help but find him charming for messing with her.

Despite clearly being mismatched, they kept inching closer to each other as time passed. More smiles were exchanged, more whispers – and why the fuck did she have to touch him so much? 

The long and short of it was; they were flirting. And apparently I didn’t like that one bit, as I couldn’t stop imagining ripping the extensions from her long, dark, Instagram-perfect hair.

Me and Liam were sitting across from them now, a large coffee table separating us. I could hear Liam drunkenly ramble on about his boyfriend back home, but I was hyper aware of what was happening across from us.

Oli was still in his concert clothes. Black trousers, a tight and colourful mesh shirt, with all the usual accessories. And she looked like she had spent a lot of money to look like she could be besties with Kim Kardashian. His hand was currently on her bare thigh, which she had placed there in order to roll up his sleeve and inspect his arm. I couldn’t hear them anymore over the loud music, but my best guess is that they were discussing his ink work.

I’d never considered myself a jealous person, but this was awakening some beast in me I didn’t like. It was some fresh flavour of torture I hadn’t really experienced before. Especially considering I didn’t even know what I wanted from Oli going forward. 

What made it worse was that he hadn’t looked at me all night. I know this, as I could barely keep my eyes off him, to the point that I was worried the rest of the band had noticed. And yes, I’m aware that I was the one to sneak out this morning, just like I was the one who had been avoiding him all day. And still this was stinging in ways I hadn’t anticipated.

To make matters worse I couldn’t tell if it was some form of punishment, or if it was his way of making it clear we were done.

She leaned in to whisper in his ear – again – but this time that same wicked smile he usually shows me slowly grew on his lips as she spoke. It was enough for me to rudely and abruptly stand up in the middle of Liams rant to excuse myself.

“I need the bathroom.” I said in a rush before quickly turning around and striding off.

But I didn’t go to the bathroom, instead I made a beeline for the bar across the massive room to mix myself something significantly stronger. 

As I was standing there, pouring entirely too much rum into my rum and coke, I felt a hand on my ass. I swung around in shock, only to be face to face with a tall, older man, possibly in his 50s, smiling down at me. The smile was so toothy I would’ve been creeped out even if he hadn’t used ‘grabbing my arse’ as a means of introduction. He must have been some investor or something, cause he didn’t quite fit in with the rest of the crowd.

“Hello beautiful, hope I didn’t scare you.” Somehow his smile grew more teeth as he spoke.

I was stuck behind the bar in a dark corner of the room with this gross man, plotting my escape, when Oli suddenly pushed past him.

“There you are, love. Thought I’d lost you there for a second.” He said as he put his arm around my shoulder and pulled me close to him. A mixture of anger and relief hit me all at once from his gesture.

Oli shot the man a lazy smile, silently daring him to stick around.

It worked. The man wordlessly grabbed a bottle from the bar and stalked off to – more than likely – locate his next victim.

When he was gone I tried to slip out from under Oli’s arm, not in any mood to talk to him after seeing him flirt with someone else, but he grabbed me by the hips and turned me towards him, “Slow down, Alice. What’s the rush?”

I swatted his hands off of me, “Oh please, go back to your whore.” I bit out, regretting the words instantly, knowing it showed exactly how jealous I was.

He didn’t put his hands back on me, but he took a step closer, “You’re on about that vapid bird back there?” He shook his head, “Fuck off.” He took another step, stalking me similarly to what he did in the hotel last night. Except this time I only had to take one step backwards and I was pressed up against the bar behind me.

He leaned in a bit closer, still not touching me, so I’d hear him over the music as he spoke softer, “Besides, you’re my whore, Alice.” I looked up at him, he was entirely too pleased with himself. A devil's smile grew on his features as his eyes fell to my lips. The anger inside me was mixing with arousal despite my best efforts to stop it, and the implication of the word ‘my’ had not gone unnoticed, further spiralling my confusion as I had both hated and loved it.

“Then why are you flirting with her?” I asked, trying to keep my tone cool.

“I wasn’t, she was flirting with me. Why did you slip out this morning?”

“As if you didn’t love every moment of it.” I retorted, completely ignoring his question.

“Did I now?” He asked, words dripping with sarcasm, before continuing in a more serious tone, “Or did I enjoy watching you squirm?”

He took one last step to press himself up against me, his hand slipping to the small of my back.

“You’re a fucking prick, Oli.” I said, feeling utterly betrayed by my own body. I was furious, and while my words reflected that, my tone told a very different story, conveying exactly how horny I was becoming. 

From his sudden change in demeanour, he could tell what he was doing to me. His eyes darkened before he grabbed me by the hips again to turn me around to face away from him, out towards the room. While they were far away, I could see Liam and the others through the crowd. Which meant that if they decided to look in our direction, they’d be able to see us as well.

I swallowed.

With a gentle gesture he swept the hair away from my shoulder to place his lips there, lazily kissing as his hands roamed my hips and waist. I gasped. His thick locks were tickling my face as his mouth moved along my neck, sending me into sensory overdrive.

“If you were gonna sneak out like that, why did you even bother spending the night?” He said between kisses.

Avoiding his question again, entirely out of spite, “Stop it, they might see us.” Such flustered words.

“You reckon?” He asked with more sarcasm.

I wanted to push away, stop what we were doing. I was angry, made worse by the fact that he was being this reckless with the others finding out about us – despite me having told him I wanted to keep it quiet. But his actions promised so much delight, and my body didn’t want to fight any of it. 

“Why don’t you care if they see?” My tone was so painfully desperate, I couldn’t stand it.

His lips moved to my ear, “If we continue doing this, Alice, they’ll find out sooner or later anyway. It’s all the same to me.” He pulled away slightly and ran his fingers down the side of my neck, sending shivers down my spine, “I love these marks on you, it’s like you’re my canvas.” He said with words full of wonder. 

Of course his kisses had rubbed off my concealer – the only thing besides my hair hiding his bite marks on me. 

Then his teeth were on my shoulder, a bit lower than his previous marks, pushing down hard enough to make me clutch the edge of the bar as his fingers dug into my hips, holding me closer. He pulled away, his lips grazing my sore skin, “I just want to cover you, love.” He said in a low tone, barely audible over the music.

“Please, can we do this somewhere else?” So, so desperate. I hated myself. I shouldn’t be considering going anywhere with him. I should storm off and not let myself be treated like this. He was just cosying up with someone else for fuck sake – what the hell am I doing?

But my body was winning, it needed him. 

I needed him.

“Do what?” He asked, clearly knowing what I was talking about – clearly not done playing with me here.

He began pulling the hem of my dress up. I ripped my vision away from guarding against the band members looking our way, and nervously darted my eyes around to see if anyone could see what he was doing behind the cover of the bar. Thankfully no one seemed to notice, or at least not pay us any attention.

“Oli, please…” My words continued in the same desperate tone, making it unclear whether I was begging him to continue, or stop.

The offending hand slipped under my dress and grazed my pussy ever so slightly, threatening to make my knees buckle. 

But suddenly he stopped dead in his tracks, pulled away and turned me back around in one jarring motion. A serious stare looking down at me, “You’re wearing underwear.” 

He proceeded to stare at me as I tried to collect myself from the abrupt interruption. When I didn’t answer he continued, “Why?”

I had contemplated not wearing any tonight, but considering I planned to avoid him until I had dealt with my internal confusion, it had seemed pointless.

I shook myself, the break from the intoxicating touches sobering me up and I began feeling the anger in full force again. 

“You’re gonna question why I’m wearing underwear? Seriously fuck you, Oli. Why are you trying to make me jealous? I stayed the night didn’t I? Just cause I wasn’t there when you woke up shouldn’t undo that, or justify whatever the hell it is you’re doing tonight. What’s your fucking problem?”

He clearly wasn’t expecting my sudden outburst, and neither had the people around us as some of them were now looking in our direction. 

Several emotions flickered across his face before he stepped to the side and leaned on the bar next to me, waiting for the people around us to forget about us before he spoke, “You’re not the only one who’s scared, Alice.”

The anger was still simmering under the surface, but was dulled from his honest answer.

He looked down before looking back at me with a sly smile, “In my defence, you’re fucking hot when you’re jealous.”

My frown deepened as the anger threatened to boil over again.

Nope, I was done. 

I started to walk away but he grabbed me by the wrist to yank me back in front of him. “Wait, Alice. Fuck… Alright, I’m sorry.” He said, vulnerable eyes meeting mine.

The grip on my wrist loosened, testing if I would leave if he let go. 

I just glared at him wordlessly, contemplating what to do next. Meanwhile somewhere in the back of my mind I was hoping he’d convince me to stay. 

When I didn’t walk away he took my hands in his instead.

I let him.

“You should’ve stuck around this morning. We could’ve had a nice time, you know.” A sad yet playful smile tugging on his lips, his thumbs mindlessly brushed my fingers.

Despite having been a dipshit, I couldn’t help but feel sorry for him, causing something inside me to relax. Whatever anger melted away was replaced by guilt for not having stayed this morning. While I didn’t know how much it meant to him, I knew it had meant something. It was the only way I could even begin to explain his behaviour tonight.

In an attempt to set things right for now – partially because of the alcohol in my system – I interlaced our fingers. He looked down at what I was doing, and when his eyes came back to meet mine they were softer, less sadness resting behind them.

“I don’t know what I’m doing, Oli.” Honest words, I was clueless. I had no idea what I wanted, and I needed time to figure it out.

He laughed, “I’ve got no clue what I’m doing either, love.”

We stood like that for a moment before he looked behind him at the band members across the room, then back at me, “How about we go find somewhere they can’t see us?” He said, then pulled me in closer to speak against my ear, “Let me fly you closer to the sun.”

Excitement spread through me as he echoed my words from last night.

He pulled away to search my face for answers.

I knew I couldn’t resist. It didn’t matter what I felt, I was tipsy, exhausted and I knew what he was offering would replenish something in me that felt depleted.

A smile grew on my features, “Okay. Let’s go.”

He smiled back at me, eyes gleaming with mischief, “Before we go, can you do me a favour?”

“What?” I asked, feeling a bit apprehensive. 

His expression darkened, “Take off your underwear.”

I shifted nervously, “...Here?”

He lazily leaned back against the bar, looking at me through heavy-lidded eyes, waiting for me to fulfil his request. My heart began to race, and the smile was tugging on his lips again as I was assessing the surroundings, anxiously looking around to see if anyone would notice. 

No one was looking at us anymore as far as I could tell.

With equal parts excitement and anxiety, I decided to go with it, trusting that he would fulfil his end of the bargain.

I took a deep breath and began to shimmy out of my underwear as inconspicuously as I possibly could, knowing that if anyone were to look they’d still know exactly what I was doing. Especially once they slid down to my ankles, and I had to bend over to retrieve them.

His eyes appeared glazed over as he held out his hand, expecting me to hand them over. I balled up the black lace in my hands to make it less obvious what I was handing him, and placed them in his open palm. They quickly disappeared into his pocket, then he immediately took my hand to sweep me away through the crowd. 

He guided me up some stairs and we sprinted down a long hallway before he began opening doors to find a room he was satisfied with. “Perfect.” He said under his breath as he led us into one of them and shut the door behind us.

It was a fairly simple room considering the size of the mansion. A queen sized bed facing large glass doors, leading out to a small glass framed balcony looking out over an empty garden. 

It must be a guest room. 

He didn’t bother turning on the lights as all the lanterns from the garden below lit the room fairly well.

He pulled me up to the glass doors and pressed me up against them. The glass was icey against my back, but was quickly forgotten when his hand slipped to my nape, angling me for a deep kiss. The confusing sense of safety washed over me when I was flooded with his scent, easing something in me, despite knowing he intended to take me somewhere dangerous tonight. His other hand guided mine to the hardness straining awkwardly against the stiff fabric of his trousers, forcing me to grab it. His lips left mine with an exhale, staring down at me through messy hair with wet parted lips, panting. “It’s fucking gagging for it. I haven’t cum since I came in you – and it doesn’t help when you keep running away.” As he spoke the last words he made me squeeze it, and I felt it tense through the fabric – my breath hitched in response.

“It was torture not fucking you last night, but I thought it’d be worth it with everything I had planned to do to you this morning.” His voice deepened, laced with frustration and sarcasm, “But you weren’t there this morning, were you?”

Regret sank in, and I was about to open my mouth to explain myself, when the hand holding my nape was suddenly at my throat, pressing me up against the glass so hard I couldn’t breathe. His gaze turned vicious as he held me there, “You’re not running away tonight.”

Adrenaline filled my veins. I tried not to be scared but I hadn’t quite seen that look in his eyes prior. Or at least not to this degree.

Letting go of the hand holding me to his cock, he slipped between my legs instead. He didn’t bother feeling me or taking his time, instead his fingers pushed into me without warning, causing my knees to go weak, forcing me to grab at his arms. His vicious gaze melted and glazed over, staring into my eyes as he played with me, still not letting me breathe.

Then something in me shifted as he watched me, the rush of having my safety in someone else's hands, flooding me with some inexplicably unmatched sense of fulfilment. Suddenly everything felt right with the world, like this was somehow the one thing I had been missing. Sadly the rush didn’t last long enough, as I was becoming more and more desperate for air – something he hadn’t really let me experience before. He studied me closely, testing how long he could keep me suspended like this. My nails began to sink into his arms to let him know it was enough. Too much.

His eyes glazed further, letting his fingers travel deeper into me, grinding his hips against my thigh, “Bit more, love. You can do it.” His words were barely a whisper over the distant bass line from downstairs.

Another rush hit me, a mix of panic and ecstasy that threatened to scramble my brain. I only felt it for a split second before he let go in one quick violent motion. I slumped onto him, coughing as he held me against his chest with the hand that had just choked me for too long.

After a moment or two of letting me catch my breath, he leaned me back against the glass. There were hints of worry in his eyes when they met mine.

“Too much?” He asked tenderly, shaking the hair out of his face.

I stared at him, and for some reason I didn’t want him to know it was too much, as if it would prove some point in his favour. “No.” I replied in a horse tone. Knowing it could be a mistake to push my luck like this.

He held my gaze a bit longer, not looking convinced, before he slipped his fingers out of me. I gasped at the sudden shift inside me.

“We’ll see about that.” He brought the glistening fingers up to my face, “Now open up.” He said, his gaze falling to my mouth.

As soon as I parted my lips the warm and slick fingers pushed into my mouth, causing his own lips to part in delight. Knowing what he wanted, I sucked on them eagerly for him.

“Such a good whore.” He murmured, before pulling his fingers out and pressing his mouth to mine, moaning into me with another deep kiss, his hand grabbing me, digging into me. He pulled away to lean himself against my forehead. “You taste so fucking sweet.”

One of his hands disappeared, and when he leaned back he was dangling my black lace underwear between his forefinger and middle finger, the mischief back in his eyes, “Open your mouth again for me.”

Realisation hit me, but I wasn’t going to deny him this, so I gingerly opened my mouth.

“Wider.” He bit out.

I snapped my mouth open, bringing the smile back to his lips. As he was taking his sweet time stuffing my own underwear into my mouth, I was struck by how surreal the moment was. I didn’t know whether I should be wondering if I had gone wrong somewhere, or if I should count my lucky stars to be experiencing this.

I don’t know if it was my aroused state or the alcohol, but the latter was winning by miles.

When he was happy with his work, he placed a knuckle under my chin and pushed up to close my mouth – leaving only a small piece of lace spilling out of my mouth, tickling my chin.

“No more underwear, yeah?” He said sweetly, nodding towards me – a clear indication that I should nod back, so I did.

He took a couple steps back and started unbuckling his belt. The shadow of my own silhouette shrouding his legs, the rest of him washed in a warm glow from the garden lights below us. He looked like a hungry animal prowling in the night, his eyes barely visible through the tufts of hair covering them, sparkling as the light hit them just right. 

All his muscles moved beneath his tight shirt as he pulled the belt off in one smooth motion and folded it in half.

I could feel my heartbeat in my throat, knowing what was about to happen.

“On the bed.” He sounded serious, focused.

Steadying myself, I pushed off the glass and started crawling onto the bed. As soon as I got on all fours at the end of the bed, he grabbed me by the hips to stop me.

“Right there.” He murmured, before placing a hand on my head to push me down onto the bed. Leaving me face down, ass up, clutching the sheets, with my underwear dangling from my lips.

“Stay just like that.” 

I felt so incredibly vulnerable and anxious, yet my pussy wouldn’t stop pulsing in anticipation. Every nerve in my body was on edge, not knowing when to expect the pain.

A hand appeared on the back of my thigh, the unexpected gentle touch making me flinch.

“You sit there, watching me with someone else – for hours.”

The hand followed my curves upwards, pushing my dress up, revealing the bare skin of my behind to him.

His voice darkened significantly, “I see you chat with a fucking twat for a split second and I want to set the whole world on fire.” 

Despite knowing it would happen, the sudden loud whipping sound accompanied by the sharp searing pain was a complete shock. I shot up onto all fours with a muffled cry.

But as soon as I shot up, he immediately pushed me right back down – as if he had expected me to react the way I did.

He continued, “And you, love…” Such a sweet tone, before turning sinister, “How you stand me chattin’ with some other bird for that long, I haven’t a fucking clue.”

Another loud whip, on my other cheek this time. I fought the instinct to shoot back up, instead biting down hard on the fabric in my mouth, balling my fists into the sheets.

He made a pained noise behind me. I couldn’t tell if it was out of enjoyment, or if this was somehow torturing himself as well. Or maybe – much like for myself – a mixture of both.

An arm wrapped around my waist and pulled me up against the warm body behind me. I made a muffled yelping noise and grabbed at his arm to steady myself. I could feel his heavy breaths on the bite mark he left on my shoulder downstairs. Then his hands were on me, his touches turning more tender, passionate. His fingers reached my pussy and he began touching me for my pleasure, instead of the previous punishment. I felt myself relaxing against him, reaching up and back to push my fingers into his hair, guiding his mouth to the bitemarks. He ground his hips into me with a moan as he placed his mouth over them. I whimpered through the fabric in my mouth in response, both in pain from the stinging sensation on multiple locations on my sore body, as well as in pleasure. The gentler touches had turned into a form of ecstasy as I was coming down from the intense pain, panic, and fear. I felt like I had unlocked another type of high – another addiction I wasn’t sure I wanted to be without anymore. 

His kisses moved up my neck, leaving gentle bites as he went, both of us grabbing desperately for each other.

When he reached my ear he spoke harsh words, in an almost disturbingly soft tone, “What’s your fucking limit, Alice?” Causing me to tense up in anticipation all over again as the intimate touches ground to a halt.

He reached for the belt, looping it around my neck as if it was a slip lead. When it was loosely placed around my neck, he let go of it and pushed me forward, making me fall onto all fours again. 

My heart was racing, the fear from not being able to breathe earlier returning, making me wonder if I should speak up before he would decide to pull on it. Yet the bass line from downstairs sounded more and more like the steady beat of war drums, resonating with something deep inside me that wanted nothing more than to travel deeper and deeper down this rabbit hole he had led us down.

I was staring down at the dark belt curling in on itself against the light sheets, feeling the fear melt into a deep hunger when I heard him unzip his trousers behind me, and excitement made a grin spread over my lace filled mouth.

I felt something warm push at my entrance, and it was all it took to set my whole body on fire. I wanted to feel him inside me again so badly I began to tremble as I fought off the urge to push back against him.

I heard a low laugh behind me; he must have noticed my desperation. He grabbed my hip to keep me in place, before he began rubbing his tip up and down my slick folds, eliciting the most delectable sounds from him. I felt like I was going mad. I kept trying to move against him – to get him inside me – but his hand just dug deeper into my hip. The sounds spilling out of me growing more desperate by the moment.

His words came low and pained, “Fuck. Am I teasing you or me?” Then he finally pulled me towards him, burying himself to the hilt.

My arms gave out and I fell face first onto the mattress, clawing at the sheets. Only his desperate grip on my hips keeping me in place. His breathing came ragged as he tensed inside me, holding me there. I moaned, biting down on the underwear for dear life, knowing I’d get my mind blown once he actually started moving.

It didn’t matter that I knew it was coming, I wasn’t ready for it. My eyes rolled back as I tried to ride the waves of motion.

Only a short moment passed before he muttered, “Fuck”, low and guttural, only to come to a full stop. A hand appeared next to my face to grab the belt looped around my neck, gently yanking on it, “Back on all fours, love.” His words were shaky, you could tell he was fighting his own climax. Made more obvious by how much I could feel him throb inside me. I should have been disappointed it wouldn’t last long, but all it did was fan the flames of the fire inside me, turning it into an inferno – leaving me intoxicated with lust.

I pushed myself back up, my own arms as shaky as his voice. I could see his shadow painted on the wall in front of me, his head slumped forward, chest heaving. When he started moving inside me again his head fell back, the ragged breaths coming faster, heavier. My heart beating steadily between my legs, my teeth clenching, my fists balling as I used all my energy to stay in place while I felt like my brain was about to explode.

His head snapped back up and he began pounding me faster, making a sound akin to a growl. He yanked on the make-shift leash, choking me for a second as it pulled me up against him, then the movements came to a sudden stop. 

“I should’ve fucking cum without you this morning, I can’t do this much longer.” He said through clenched teeth, a mixture of frustration and anger dripping from his words. 

Once again I felt him tense inside me, and I couldn’t help it, it was too tempting; I moved my hips on him, causing him to whimper and hold me tighter to prevent further movement.

“None of that.” His words were breathy and distant, clearly too busy focusing on not coming just yet. A grin bloomed on my face, feeling high as a kite from all the extreme sensations I’ve experienced tonight. 

Since I wasn’t able to move my hips – and despite my better judgement – I tensed my pussy instead. His grip on me tightened further, turning painful with his nails digging into me, another low and pained noise escaping him as he buried his face in my neck.

“You’ll regret that.” He spoke against my skin before pushing me forward, yanking the belt harder – not quite stopping my breathing, but hard enough to make me grab for it out of pain. I fumbled to steady myself as he suddenly let go of the belt to grab my hips, pounding me hard and fast – just for a moment – before he pulled out. He let go of me, and I slumped forward onto the bed, feeling empty and shaky.

“Come here, down on your knees.” His words were low and pained.

Regardless of my state, I hurried to do as he said, knowing he was close.

As soon as I got on my knees he shoved his hand into my hair to guide my face close to his cock. It was so beautifully veiny and slick from my own juices, bobbing slightly from the edging. 

“Open your mouth.” He bit out, in an oh-so-delightfully desperate tone.

I snapped it open and looked up at him. He appeared possessed, completely taken over by lust. His lips were as glossy as his eyes as he stared down at me. 

Hurriedly, he pulled the underwear out of my mouth, then grabbed his cock to stroke it as he spoke, “I can’t tell you how tempting it is to cum all over you, love – show everyone downstairs you’re my whore.” His voice was deeper as he got closer to the edge.

My nerves crept back at his words, my eyes darted between the cock in his hand and his dark, glassy, eyes.

“I can’t imagine a more beautiful image.” With each word his tone fell deeper still, turning it nearly demonic. Every stroke came longer, slower – with more intent.

“Suck it.” Barely a whisper. He guided my head onto it with a moan, and as soon as my lips closed around his length I felt the cum spilling onto my tongue. The fist in my hair pushing and pulling me the way he wanted, my mouth filling up more and more with every movement. So many sounds spilling out of him as he trembled, making my eyes fall shut; making me moan in response – making me not want to swallow, so I could keep feeling exactly like this for longer.

When he was done he pulled out of my mouth, and fell to his knees in front of me.

Bliss was on his features; tired eyes, flushed face, a lazy wicked grin, with his still hard cock pressing up against his shirt as he was leaning forwards slightly. I could feel my own features mirroring his bliss as I took in the sight of him. 

I wanted so badly to take a mental screenshot and keep it forever.

The lazy smile on his lips grew as he was staring at my mouth. He gently grabbed my chin, realising I was still holding his cum in there.

With a soft laugh he said, “Go on, swallow.”

Reluctantly, I did as he said, feeling the warm liquid run down my throat.

He scanned my face with wonder in his eyes, “Good girl.”

... Continue reading on Ao3

[scribble-dribble-writes]

To save a mockingbird

Next>>>

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Some random idea in the morning because I've been going down the Hux rabbit hole for a while ever since I read about his backstory. Hux needs solace in his life and to think they gave him a stupid end after everything he endured makes me feel angry 😆

So not sure if this should be continued or if anyone is even going to read this.

It starts a little before Hux gets shot in episode 9, its to prevent that and take it into a more better direction haha. I actually liked the sequel characters, because of those movies I got into Starwars in the first place but to think they were handled so poorly is what frustrates me.

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Plot: Marjorie is a rebel spy sent to retrieve Hux from the First Order once Leia gets to know that he is the agent helping the resistance with valuable information.

Warnings: angst

Word count: 1500

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They know. Bring him in before they execute him, his information will prove valuable to us.

That was all the message from General Leia read as Marjorie sat in the stalls of the restroom within the great fleet of the first order.

She knew what she had to do now was more dangerous than anything she had done so far as a spy for the resistance. She was going to abduct General Hux.

For quite some time now, the resistance had been tipped off with information that was so vital from within the First Order, an unseen ally or atleast that was what Marjorie had thought until she saw him. As he walked down the hallway with his ever present scowl and fiery hair, she could not believe it at first. This man’s sole ambition was to destroy the rebels, to chase them down with his hyperspace tracker, to eradicate them, to never let them relish peace. But the more time she spent shadowing him, she knew it was more than just revenge that he was seeking.

The enemy of his enemy had become some sort of a tolerable friend atleast till he could betray them when time befitted him. She smoothed down her uniform, it never felt a part of her but for the General, it was him. He would very much die if he was ripped of his status or his well beloved black coat. She steeled herself, the coordinates to the extraction point pinged in her pocket. This had be to done. It had to be done now.

So she took off, knowing his habits and schedule well purely because she had been preparing for this mission, that if she was given the order, she could take him and be off as soon as possible.

He was in his office as usual. She placed a soft knock as she held a data pad with details about a possible attack on the rebel fleet, a mock alert to get him to leave his post to inform Poe.

"Enter.", his voice resounded devoid of emotion.

"Sir, this has just been passed down from the command center.", Marjorie entered with an urgency, her eyes frantic as she put on an act to get his attention.

His cold green eyes slid to hers as a furrow formed between his brows. She was always drawn to his mannerisms, he was the opposite of the Supreme Leader. It was easy to spot Leia’s son under the cracks of Kylo’s helmet, he was in a battle with himself which only worsened when he had met Rey.

But Hux was different, he was sealed tight like the buttons on his lapel. His hair pushed back with precision that no one could even tell if his life was a mess or not. Maybe that’s why he succeeded so well in maintaining a dual life. He had his morning caf sitting in a steel cup next to him as he beckoned for the report, she leaned forward to place in his hands and also to drop in the sedatives into his drink as he remained distracted.

He sat back, his eyes skimming over the plans and the strategy that was laid out, she had studied the structure of First Order reports in order to draft this one. She was certain of it fooling him, what was a bit tricky to get going was if he would drink the beverage. She waited, her hands clasped behind her back, her eyes ever so often monitoring him.

With the report in one hand, his other reached for the cup, she exhaled with relief. She had been right, he skipped meals and sleep even but never his cup of caf. His lips touched the edge of the container as he took a sip while unbeknownst to her she had been staring. Frustrating, that if a man was so cruel why then did the stars bestow him with such tender lips?

"Why are you still here?", his eyes narrowed at her to which she straightened, looking away.

"To convey your command on what needs to be done next, Sir.", she spoke without looking at him.

He took a moment to think, before he downed his drink and got up.

"You’re dismissed. I will take care of it from here. He got up and walked out.", without his knowledge he was going to notify the resistance of these plans which was a sign to Leia that Marjorie’s plan in bringing him in was going well. She felt a sly grin spread across her face when she envisioned the bragging rights she would receive once she got back to camp, Poe could no longer lawd it over her that he called him 'General Hugs' and still got away with taking out the blasters from his ship.

She followed him again, he would most often go into the more secluded parts of the fleet where foot fall was less and only droids were present, to send through his message. But the signs of the sedative were showing up too, he missed a step, he then touched his forehead and then whipped around to see if he was being followed to which Marjorie hid into the crevice within the wall.

He went into his allocated area and locked the door behind him giving her enough time to change into medical gear for the final part of her stunt. All that was needed now was to get to the hangar bay and steal a transport.

The door clicked open but Hux looked worse for wear, his eyes were closing in on him and his impeccable stance had now been reduced to being hunched over. She walked along with the stretcher as she took the data pad out of his hand. He was in no state to put up a fight but his eyes focused on her features.

“You.” he mumbled before he blacked out. Placing his tall frame onto the stretcher, she covered him with a cloth as she began her journey to the hangar.

“Is it all set, T-2?”, she asked to which a cheerful droid responded. Great, the transport had been secured and in a few moments she would be free of this uniform and this stale dark fleet.

She snuck into the open back door of the transport and breathed a sigh of relief when she spotted her droid at the wheel. Pulling away the mask from her face and the gloves from her hands she cranked the engine to take flight when the alarms began to go off. A warning of a rogue vehicle spread through the channel when the bay doors were beginning to close. She propelled the vehicle forward while activating the shields to repel the blaster fire and zoomed out the tight space between the closing doors.

Now evading the fleet’s canon and preparing for the onset of tie fighters, the droid prepped the transport for a space jump. Punching in the coordinates as the tie fighters drew closer, she couldn’t think of alternatives, this felt natural to her, to be in the moment and follow her instinct. She pushed down on the lever and instantly, the light of hyperspace enveloped the transport and they were set on the road to freedom. T-2 chirped triumphantly while Marjorie sunk into the seat. The adrenaline began to wash off her when she realized she had to secure the General. The moment he comes to consciousness, he was a threat.

Walking back to the cargo unit, she found the stretcher latched securely but the sheet had moved away to reveal his face. This was the first time she had seen him in a state of rest, his eyes closed to reveal how tired they were. He had all the features a spy would need, she thought as she scoffed. Eyes that hid what he thought and felt, lips to pout and distract, his jaw and cheek set in stone that anyone would believe he could survive anything and his hair, which now was a mess, was a reminder of the burning hatred he carried, the fuel to his soul, that the moment he awoke, she was going to be added to his vendetta list.

She didn’t know why she cared. She had never spoken to the man except for today and she was certain he had never seen her before. As she gazed upon him, she could tell that in all his life he had never once witnessed kindness and because that was all she was taught to be, she wanted to render some of it to him. She could be the first in his life to show him that life could be different. Her finger hovered over his cheek, almost as if she wanted to wipe away his unseen tears but the truth set in. That the moment his eyes flashed green and he saw her, his notion of her sentiment was going to be very, very different. She would have been the one who ruined his life.

So she pulled the sheet to cover his face again, secured his hands into a cuff and made sure he had no weapon on him before she got back to the cockpit.