there is something so terrifying about wanting to be held,
a years deep ache in my bones,
like a child
sobbing
pleading for someone to notice, to care.
come here darling,
I swear I will not bite,
come here please,
smooth away the cracks in my skin,
piece me back together with the gold of your love,
like the japanese would repair their pottery.
there is something so vulnerable about wanting to be touched,
undoing me with a mere brush of the fingers,
peeling back my layers like the skin of an orange,
and each golden segment of my soul,
is an offering (i love you).
oh, do you think you could hold me?
just this once?
kiss the backs of my knees when they ache?
trace the divots of my spine like exploring a foreign land?
memorize the shape of my nose, my jaw, my eyes,
turning the terrain of my body into something familiar.
Perhaps it is selfish of me to ask for such a thing,
I have always been a rather demanding creature,
a dog,
scratching at the door,
begging to be let in.
I will be gentle I swear,
curl up in your chest,
your ribcage can be a temple,
your heart the god I bow before,
praying you might hold me,
if only for a little while.
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The brothers, Day's anger, and Night & Mork
Disclaimer: not a native Thai speaker, still learning 🙏
This is in part inspired (brainrot-induced? brainrot-fuelled?) by @chalkrevelations's post about the brothers and Day's behavior (go read it first if you're reading this!!) and in part just my usual language rambles observations.
Let's establish a few facts first
(all pronouns presented as A/B are to be understood as I/you)
Night is older than Day - by enough that he's older even than Mork! (Mork and Porjai both call Night พี่ /phi/ while referring to Day as น้อง /nong/)
The brothers use กู/มึง /guu, mueng/ with each other, despite their age gap. These are informal pronouns that are actually pretty rude outside of using them with people you're close to because they're overly familiar
-> for reference, Day, Gee and August all use these with each other, and Mork and Porjai use them with each other
Between ep. 1 and 2, Night and Mork go from the polite formal ผม/คุณ /pom, khun/ in both directions to Night using กู/มึง /guu, mueng/ and Mork using ผม/พี่ /pom, phi/ - they're friendly with each other!
-> for reference, that's the exact same as you hear P'Aof and JimmySea using in the bts- P'Aof uses กู/มึง /guu, mueng/ while Jimmy and Sea use ผม/พี่ /pom, phi/ with him
Same as I've said that Mork and Day's way of speaking is getting sweeter, Day and Night are. uh. kind of the opposite. But also, they barely talk directly to each other anyway.
So let's look at that fight in the car in ep. 8
Night tries to engage Day and an awkwardly-caught-in-the-middle Mork takes up the speaking instead. When Day opts to use Mork as a middleman (just one of many instances of both brothers not speaking directly with each other), Night keeps on trying to engage him to no success. And then he just kinda- 🥴
ส่วนห้องน้ำคนพิการอยู่ทางขวา /suan haawng naam khohn phi gaan yuu thaang khwaa/
-> คนพิการ /khohn phi gaan/ = disabled/handicapped person (don't let the /phi/ in the romanization fool you, it has nothing to do with the pronoun พี่ /phi/)
I wonder since when they've been this distant because Night here isn't looking at Day like he's a person, he's almost looking at Day only through the lens of 'person I need to take care of' - because of the responsibility their mom has put upon him and because he's the older brother - anyone who's the eldest child among siblings and feels seen please raise your hand 🙋♀️
Night means well, he cares about his brother - but he's also ignorant and a bit of a klutz with his words. It's being singled out as disabled and the implication of needing special treatment in everything that tick Day off enough to speak directly to Night and start getting rude:
The word here is เหี้ย /hiia/ and it won't be the last time or the only curse word he uses.
Night is saying all the wrong things of course, while Mork is sitting in the back having to witness it all (and maybe being reminded of fights he's had with his own sister).
มึงรู้ปะ ตอนนี้กูเห็นเหี้ยไร /mueng ruu bpa, dtaawn nee guu hen hiia rai/ = You know what the fuck I see right now?
กูไม่เห็นเหี้ยไรสักอย่างไง /guu mai hen hiia rai sak yaang ngai/ = I don't see a fucking thing!
แล้วทุกอย่างแม่งก็หนักขึ้นเรื่อย ๆ /laaeo tuk yaang maaeng gaaw nak khuen reuuay reuuay/ = And it's all damn getting worse.
แล้วเพราะกูรู้ว่าแม่งแค่ฝันเนี่ยะ /laaeo phraw guu ruu waa maaeng khaae fan nia/ = And because I know it's just a damn dream,
แม่งยิ่งเหี้ย /maaeng ying hiia/ = that's even more fucking shit.
Oof. Calm down, kiddo, this is your brother ;;
Day speaks with bitterness and resentment and viciousness. I don't think this started when Day started losing his sight but long before that, the way Day talks to and about his brother:
The only one who's looking out for Night is Mork
We actually get a lot of reaction shots of Mork silently watching and trying to parse the family dynamics, reaction shots of Night looking melancholic because of or happy for his brother, and sometimes it even looks like Night and Mork make sympathetic eye contact via reaction shots:
Night defends Mork several times in front of their mother and later tells Mork that they're grateful to him for making Day happier! And Mork does the same, he mentions Night to Day positively. Day doesn't realize it, for some reason, but Mork and Night talk to each other. And they see how Day interacts with the other one.
So it didn't surprise me at all to find out that Mork had gone behind Day's back yet again, after the brothers had that huge fight in the car. Of course Night knows where they are and that Day is safe. Of course Night knows. Night is constantly making sure that Day is okay without actually showing his involvement - he is just as invisible as Day and Mork were in parts of the story.
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