#this is the beginning of a looong series

[duo-you-silly-owl]

[yuyu1024]

Babe

Pairings: S.coups × y/n

Genre/tags: protective/possessive bf

Warning: 🔞🔞🔞 fluff but smut, unprotected sex, pet names, cursing, semi public, handjob

~~~ [lmk if i miss anything]

Words: 3k

Disclaimers:

- this story is just made up

- english is not my first language, please be nice 😊

A/N: looong time no post. ✨️I was away... got sick and mentally not doing okay... and I dont think im 100% okay yet...Its been hard but still trying my best :)

i might be coming back to writing here and there... but not consistent. Hopefully you understand...

meaning, i will be a 🐌 in updating nor posting and won't be online mostly. 🖤

(i cant promise i can jump back to the Yoongi/Suga series yet also sorry 😭 hopefully one day but not soon.)

Me writing... is depending if im okay.

Also, Thank you for the kind messages in DMs. I really do appreciate them...even tho i don't reply 🖤 pls know its very helpful.

Thank you.

P.S its been a long time since i wrote anything so.... rusty.🥲 this is my just trying to get back to it.

-----------------------------------------------------

Seungcheol, your boyfriend, texted you to meet him at school. Which surprised you the second you read it because it has been weeks since he went to school.

He has been doing special online classes these past weeks as he can't walk. Yet. He slipped while playing soccer with the boys two months ago causing an injury on his left leg. It was very painful to watch him yell in pain during that game. It was supposed to be just a fun game with his friends and you and their other friends watching but yeah, accidents happen.

"What are you doing here?" You gasp the second you enter the University clinic and saw your boyfriend sitting and chatting with the school doctor.

"Babe." He smiles and opens his arm, asking for a welcome hug

"Babe!" You squeal and immediately run and hugged him tightly.

"I missed you." He mumbles lightly lifting you off the floor even he's sitting on the clinic's bed.

He never lost his strength.

"Ditto." You say and kissed him on his cheek before letting go. "Wait... why are you here?" You ask again. "He can go back to school now?" You turn to ask the doctor behind you

"He can. But I still suggest no." He folds the folder his holding and sits down on his desk. "He can walk now with crutches easily yes... but... going up and down... walking building to building to classes...." doctor shakes his head

"I'm just here to visit, babe." Cheolie says caressing your back. "To report my health to him... to let know the team..."

"Oh."

"I'm sorry..." he press his lips together and giving you an apologetic look.

"I'll leave you two to talk... I have to go on a meeting now in the faculty. Just let the nurse know when you leave okay? So she can assist you with the wheel chair."

"Okay, doc. Thank you."

And as soon as the doctor leaves and shut the door close behind him, Seungcheol immediately grabs you by the waist, pull you close to his body and leans in to fully kiss you.

It feels rushed at the beginning but as soon as you find the perfect spot to lean your body weight to his, it felt smooth and just sensational. You even opened your mouth completely to let his tongue explore you.

You two haven't kissed for awhile. The rent is due.

"I missed you so much." He whisper as he pulls away to take a breather.

"This is the longest we've been away from each other..." you say as you straighten your stand

"Yeah... I got busy healing..."

"And I got busy at school... and at home..." you answer as you sit down beside him. "How are you feeling at the moment?"

"Good....well.. better now that I've kissed you." He smirks and plants a tiny kiss on your temple

"Babe..." you lean on his shoulder

"You know you always make me feel good..." he chuckles. "Also... Doc said my leg is healing pretty good..."

"That's good to hear..." you stand up once again. "So... can I--"

And before you could ask him another question about visiting him soon at home Seungcheol kisses you on your cheek and then on the back of your hand.

"Thank you for always calling me... every night... making sure to check on me... give me updates at school and being an understanding girlfriend. Even though you are tired yourself."

"I didn't do that much." You say holding his hand. "If only I could visit you personally I would..."

But you couldn't. It's not like he leaves far away from you. It's just that you wanted him to just rest. You know how he is when he sees you. He gets excited and acts everything is fine even though he is in pain.

He would probably force himself to get up when you visit him. It's kind og his thing to show off he is strong. Especially to you. He is your alpha lover.

"No...babe. just you calling has saved me from a lot of bad moods and not doing my therapies because... I'm not in the mood." He kisses your hand again.

"Well I'm glad... I could help..." you say smiling.

"And also..." he then bites his lower lip whilst smiling. You already know what he's about to say with those cheeky smirks.

"Hush..." you cover his mouth with your hand, scared that he might say it outloud and the nurse from behind the door might hear. "That's for us only..." you whisper.

He is referring to the video call sessions you do every now and then. To help him when he is... sad and horny.

"You promised... no one should know..."

"Of course..." he murmurs, his mouth is still covered by your hand. "The images are for my eyes to see and for my dick to feel only." He adds and then playfully licks your palm, making you jump a little.

"Hey!" You slap him on his shoulder

He is grinning so much. He is enjoying your reactions. "You're so adorable being shy..." he puts his arm around your waist, securing you between his legs. "My shy little fairy..." he mumbles just before he kisses you again.

You don't deny him of any sort of making out. Even at the clinic. Why woulf you? You missed him so bad too.

So bad that even his hands is skimming your body and even lifting your short A-Line skirt, exposing your bum, just to squeeze it is fine. Perfectly fine.

"Wait." He pauses and looks you in the eyes. "You are wearing a skirt this short... with no protective shorts under?"

"Hmm?" You look at him, confused for a second. "Oh."

He is yout alpha, yes. And one trait of him that is very dominant is him being protective of you. He does not like anyone hurting you, being mean to you and most especially drooling over you. You are his and only his.

"What you mean oh?" He raises a brow. "Well? Why aren't you wearing one?"

You don't have a good excuse. You just forgot. Well... you have been forgetting since he have been away.

"Y/N..."

"You're now calling me by name...." you move back away a little. "I'm sorry... I have no excuse..."

"What if some maniac sees you? When you go up stairs? Or the elevator in the media building? You know its glass right? They can see... what if wind blows and..." he sighs, frustrated. "You know how most guys are."

"I know... I'm really sorry." You pout. "I didn't purposely forget it..."

You see the change in his mood. He is very possessive of you so you know that just the idea of any guy looking at you because they find you cute or have interest of being close to you and whatever, he's already on guard.

He sighs again and also he's already grabbing his crutches.

"Leaving already?" You say in the softes tone.

"Yeah..." he stands up and calls on the nurse for assistance.

"Okay..." you lower your gaze.

You are not sure how to tame your boyfriend since this time you know you are at fault for forgetting and breaking a promise you told him after he was told to stay at home.

You stand up and sling your bag over your shoulder. "Just... call me when you get home."

"I will not call you." He says as he sits down on the wheel chair. "You're coming home with me."

"Wait. What?" You ask

The nurse enters the room and greets the two of you.

"Ready to go home?" The nurse asks

"Yes." Seungcheol smiles at her. "I have a scheduled therapy this afternoon..."

"Oh... I see... goodluck then." She says as she helps to push your boyfriend

"Y/N..." he calls your name out again.

This is the second time he called you by name. He is clearly not okay with the skirt situation. This never happened before.

***

You both arrived at his parent's house. They welcomed you and hugged you even. They thanked you for being a support system for their son even though physically you can't come because, well, they know how their son acts around you.

It's not a secret that their son is so in love with you that he's very clingy and trying to act cool and such.

"I already made food for the two of you so just reheat it if you decide to eat later."

"Oh. Thank you Mrs. Choi." You say

"It's nothing dear... also... thank you for being his care taker for tonight... we will enjoy our night on out staycation at the city." His mother says

You are stunned to hear what Mrs. Choi just said. You can't react beside just smiling and nodding. "Ah... ahm... don't worry about us... I'm going to take good care of him."

"Thank you, again." Mr. Choi says.

"We'll get going now... see you tomorrow afternoon, dear." She says to her son who is sitting in the sofa drinking his cola.

"Have fun, Mom and Dad!" He waves at them

And as soon the door shuts and you hear the car engine from outside.

"What the fuck was that?" You stomp you way towards him. "Care taker... tonight?? Babe?"

Nonchalantly he answers. "You will be staying for the night here with me... until tomorrow..."

"Why?"

"Why not?" He looks at you with a coldest stare. "Do you have any other plans? Are you meeting with anyone?"

"No..."

"And then... stay...."

"But... my parents..."

"I already told them... they are fine with it."

"When?"

"I called them earlier... before I texted you to come to the clinic."

You are in complete shock. "Cheolie..." you whine

"Now, you're calling me by name?" He raises a brow. "Why are you acting like that? It's like you don't want to stay with me."

"That's not it."

"Then what?"

You sigh. You are lost for words.

Yes you should be happy you are spending time with your boyfriend but he could've told you. You would say yes if he asked or told you.

You are just stunned maybe or confused with him doing this too since he's been being snappy at you since earlier.

"Whatever." You mumble throwing your bag to the floor and just sitting down at the chair opposite of where he's sitting.

Now you are the one in the bad mood.

"I still have the clothes and undergarments you left from last time..." he then says in a much calmer tone.

"Okay." You answer not looking at him.

You are not mad at him. You are just not happy with what he did. He probably wanted to surprise you with the idea earlier but since it got ruined during your clinic make out session. Now things are...

"Babe." He calls you

You turn your head to look at him. He looks serene now.

"Can you please come here..." he says

You get up and make your way to him, to sit down beside him.

"Not there." He says holding on to your wrist and leading you to move somewhere else. "Here..." he gestures for you to sit on top of him.

"But... your leg..."

"I can manage..." he breathes and then tugs you down so he could kiss you, cupping your face with one hand.

Your hands are now on his chest for balance support. You tried pulling away from the kiss but

"Sit..." he says in between the kiss.

And you do as he says. Kneeling down on the sofa, legs spread between his thighs, you sit down on him and slowly put your arms around his neck.

"Cheolie..." your lips part ways as you spoke and he tries to chase the kiss again but you bite your lips together. "Wait..."

"Why...?" He pouts

"What are you doing?"

"What do you mean?" He runs his hands from your legs to your thighs and then underneath your skirt.

"You were just so cold to me... not even talking to me like I'm your girlfriend... and now you're kissing me and touching me..."

He throws his head back for a second and then sighs. "Babe, I'm sorry.... I was... well..."

"I said I'm sorry about the skirt... Don't worry. I will just wear pants starting on monday...."

"You sure?"

"Yeah... I promise." You kiss the tip of his nose. "I will just wear skirts when I'm with you."

"Really?" He raises a brow with matching smirk, biting his lower lip.

"Yeah..." you move your hips forward knowing what this tiny move will do to him. "I know you like to have easy access with me when we're together..." you softly say

He grunts as he feel you move a bit more. Rocking your hips over his erection that's sort of protected by his black jogging pants.

"I know what you're doing..." he hums

"And I know you like... what I'm doing..."

His smile goes ear to ear. "You're lucky I can't stand on my own yet... If I could..."

"What will you do?"

"Carry you over my shoulders and spread you on top of my bed..."

"And...?" You put your forehead to his.

"And...fuck you 'till dawn..."

Just the thought made you horny and wanting him. But since he can't do what he usually does to you, you decide to handle this on your own.

"You can still fuck me..." you say, grinning. "We have all night till tomorrow to find a way... a position you want me to be in."

"Fucking hell, babe." He grunts, sounding excited and turned on.

You adjust your position, making sure you can access him easily. Him meaning his long veiny length that's already leaking.

"Shit! Ah!" His mouth drops the second you hold onto him. His eyebrows is showing how he's loving the way you stroke and pump him. "Babe..." he moans. "Babe... aaaaahhh..." he throws his head back, his hands on his hair, trying to hold on to reality coz he is floating in heaven right now.

"Should I... let the tip touch me?"

"Touch... you?" He looks at you, brows furrowed from the high.

You already removed your panties off without him noticing.

"Yes... like this...." you then adjust your position back on top of him and lowered yourself just enough for the tip of his dick feel your entrance.

"Babe, fuck!" He snarls throwing his head back. "Your so damn wet already..."

You let him feel the wetness for awhile before you ease him in you.

"Holy... shiiiiit!"

"Ngggeeeaaah..." you breathe in as you suck him in whole.

"You're doing great babe." He pushes the hair off your face. "Don't rush it... just... feel it... feel me..."

When he's completely in you, you didn't move. You just hugged your man and took a breather.

"I can't believe my little fairy is being so daring..."

"Because I want to give you what you want... what you need..." you mumble on his neck.

"Babe, you know I can wait till I'm healed and ready to fuck you..."

"I know..." you look him in his eyes, "but I miss it too..."

"You do?"

You nod. "Us video calling... while we... you know... is not enough... I thought it was enough... but when I saw you earlier... I really did missed you more than I can imagine."

"You miss my dick?" He tease

"Babe!" You hide your face on his neck again.

"Ugh..." he suddenly moans. "Wow. I didn't know you get tigher when I tease you."

Seungcheol starts to move his hips a little, to ease dipper into you.

"Ah..." you exhale shakily. "Cheolie...hmmm...."

"You like that?"

"I do."

Then you start to move yourself.

You leaned back a little, pushing forward and pulling backward in motion to meet his slow but deep thrusting.

"Cheolie..." you cry his name as you feel like reaching your climax.

"Just let it go..."

"Fuck!" You throw your head back, panting and shaking. "Come with me..." you say, "come....with me..." you clentch more down there, making him feel the tightness.

"But babe..." biting on his lips, hissing and trying to control himself. "We don't have condoms."

"I don't care." You lean in for a sloppy kiss. "Come with me. I need to see you... melt with me..."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"Babe..."

"Please..." you beg, "I want to feel it..."

"Fuck it!" He snarls as he goes to squeeze your ass under your skirt as he picks up the pace with you

It's amazing how strong he is. Even with an injured leg he could lift his hips to meet yours.

"Aaah!!" You moan as loudly as you can as you felt something in you pop.

He growls as soon as feel his length starts to release and feel the warmth in you.

"Fuck babe..." he is panting. "Our first time you being on top..."

Embarassed after your orgasm, you hug your man and hide your face again. "I only did what I know and can..."

"You did amazing... your handjob is what I needed to get me into the a frenzy." Then he kisses the top of your head. "I fucking love you... whatever you do... makes me love you even more..."

"I love you too..." you go for a kiss again. But then burst into a giggle when you felt him move. "You are still in me... I can feel you."

A smile spread over his lips, "Maybe we should continue this on my bed. I can do other positions and pump more in you if you want."

You grin, blushing. "I'd love to."

[canmom]

music and narrative {[0]}

so. as part of the ongoing music researches, I've for a while wanted about the relation between music and narrative. that's going to be a long project! but to begin with I wanted to run down the examples I know, and maybe solicit a few more~

now, on some level, nearly any song has some degree of narrative. your basic love song introduces us to some characters - singer, object of their affection - and furnishes them with emotions and desires. moreover, music can play a role in a narrative without literally relating events - indeed, the art of soundtrack design is definitely a subject I want to look into at some point. even songs addressed directly at the real world, such as political songs, construct some kind of narrative.

however, for these purposes, I'm interested in songs that go a bit further in the direction of telling a fictional story, especially when those link together into whole albums (sometimes called a concept album, though this is a slightly broader concept). which can work in a lot of ways!

for example, Janelle Monae's The ArchAndroid tells a sweeping scifi story of an android fleeing an oppressive society and becoming an unintentional figurehead of revolution. it sketches out a wide-reaching set of influences in constructing a scifi world, but you'd be hard-pressed to boil it down into a simple series of events - it prefers to leave a lot to interpretation. by contrast something like Splendor & Misery by clipping. deals with kinda similar subject matter - a scifi story, an escaped slave, artificial intelligence - but with a different musical approach and perhaps a slightly clearer narrative arc; sometimes directly narrating the thoughts and actions of characters, or slipping into memory, but also drawing less direct musical parallels with e.g. gospel tracks and slave spirituals. both excellent albums - both solve the problems of conveying a story musically in different ways.

of course, the largest pool of examples here comes in the context of musical theatre, and further back opera. (the exact transition from one to the other is something I'm going to need to research). particularly interesting to me are sung-through musicals such as Les Misérables, in which there's no spoken sections in between the songs. this restriction means the songs (and staging etc.) have to do all the work of conveying the events of the story.

there's a lot to be said about the various traditions of musicals (for example). there's even more to be said about the history of opera - both the Western traditions and other musical traditions that have been given the label such as Chinese opera. but that will have to wait for later day in the project because otherwise this entire post would be a huge list of musicals, and I want to try and wander all over the shop.

what I'm most curious to find is music that tells a story all on its own - no actors or staging, but more similar to oral narration. of course, in the present era, music is often released along with videos, and these can tell quite elaborate stories that will become part of the overall 'message' communicated by the song, so the lines are a bit blurry! but since the aim of this series will be to look for ways to convey narrative using music, I'm looking for examples where the music does most of the heavy lifting.

music that tells stories is something with a looong tradition in folk music, pretty much the world over. in Europe, the ballad was a common form for it, a word that survives into the present. it seems that most cultures have had some kind of tradition of wandering itinerant musician-poets - for example, at various points in history, there were biwa hōshi in Japan (pictured) and griots in West Africa, medieval Europeans had minstrels, the Celts had bards, the Occitans had troubadors...

moreover, work and marching songs such as sea shanties would also have a certain degree of narrative to them, in addition to their main function of keeping a group moving in time.

in modern times, people will sometimes attempt to reconstruct how this kind of music and lyric poetry would have been performed. you can naturally only go so far with the archaeological evidence, but I'm fond of Peter Pringle's recordings of segments of the Epic of Gilgamesh, using period instruments if not necessarily a period musical style!

in the modern age of recorded music, these traditions have become much more niche, but there are still artists who use music as a vehicle to tell a fictional narrative. (fair warning: I'm a huge nerd, so most of the examples I know are like, supreme nerd shit. also about ten years ago I was given an assortment of metal from a friend which included a bunch of what I'm about to put below.)

to begin with I've naturally got to talk about my friend Maki Yamazaki (Dr Carmilla) and the band she founded but later left, The Mechanisms. They tell a story of a sprawling gothic scifi universe, with the band playing the role of travelling space pirates who observe the (invariably tragic) tales that unfold. The Mechanisms' music starts as folk song pastiche, but gradually gets more original, although narratively they keep the approach of crossing over mythology with genre storytelling (fairy tales as space opera, arthuriana as space western).

The Mechanisms got a significant measure of international fame washing back after their frontman Johnny Sims got really big on some podcast or something.

Maki's solo music as Dr Carmilla took things in (from a narrative sense) a more abstract direction, using elaborate production and an incredibly textured sound to tell a (so far!) fragmentary story of the tragic space vampire Dr Carmilla and her doomed relationship with another vampire Lorelei (for example). And I'm gonna have lots more to say about them all, in the future, but this is just an overview so let's not get ahead of ourselves!

In a related vein (though I'm much less familiar with them) comes indie band Decemberists, who often create narratively driven songs - for example, The Mariner's Revenge Song depicts a sailor's motivation for extracting bloody revenge on someone who wronged him, with the actual violence conveyed by an energetic instrumental break. A subject that reminds me of the Clockwork Quartet, now long gone, who managed to record just three of their songs from a larger project, yet stand out as way more interesting than most of the steampunk milieu - with for example The Clockmaker's Apprentice giving a very fun antihero-revenge narrative to the ticking beat of a clock, and The Doctor's Wife a compelling tragedy of desperate medical science.

There's definitely something in common with this type of storytelling and the subgenre termed rock opera, which has a pretty long history going back to the late 60s (SF Sorrow by Pretty Things and The Story of Simon Simopath by Nirvana, thanks wikipedia), with notable examples including some incredibly popular albums like Pink Floyd's The Wall (which was adapted into a partly animated film using animations by Gerard Scarfe, c.f AN86) and My Chemical Romance's The Black Parade. In many of these, the connection between songs and narrative is fairly abstract and metaphorical - most of the examples mentioned are about the psychological arc of one character.

Calling this a genre or subgenre is kind of a stretch recently - just in those four examples we see a pretty wide range of musical styles, so it's more like an approach to album writing. Still, for want of a better word, there's definite overlap between this 'genre' and musicals. For example, the history on wikipedia cites The Rocky Horror Picture Show as an example of rock opera, which in my head it's just a musical. (Anyway, exactly the taxonomy of regular opera/libretto, rock opera and musical theatre is not that important anyway, because we want to look at the techniques of all of them!)

A more direct narrative comes in the work of The Protomen, who have the 'no way that would work' premise of creating a huge, dramatic, emotional story based on the plot of the Mega Man games. By putting the focus on the tense relationships of the fought main characters (scientists Light and Wily and robot boys Proto Man and Mega Man), and their sense of rejection and betrayal by the broader society, they somehow pull it off.

Moving gradually in the direction of (progressive) metal, we encounter Ayreon, whose entire career has been telling psychedelic and occult stories of time travel, aliens, warnings projected into the past, out of body experiences, and the history and direction of humanity. I'm not sure if all of their albums fit together into one big story exactly, but certain ideas seem to keep coming up - for example, future societies or aliens sending warnings to humanity to fix our shit before it's too late. In some of their albums (e.g. The Electric Castle) they follow the device of having each member of the band play a character in an ensemble cast, bringing it a bit closer to something like a radio play.

Also in metal land we find the rather unique project Charlemagne: By The Sword and the Cross, best known for that time Christopher Lee shed the blood of the saxon men. This is using music as a vehicle for a (more or less) historical story, featuring an old Charlemagne (Lee) reminiscing on the various awful things he did over the course of his life. Apparently they made a sequel to this album, which I never realised!

As well as history, metal also likes to lean on literature and poetry. For example, Kamelot (classed, apparently, as 'Power Metal') have a rather fun adaptation of the story of Faust into two albums, Epica and The Black Halo. Iron Maiden famously took on the Rime of the Ancient Mariner in a 13 minute song. And that's not even to get into all the songs dealing with Tolkien.

Moving on from metal before we start listing a hundred songs about vikings, it's worth looking more broadly for music about history, since it's a pretty major overlap with fictional storytelling! For example, the Boney M song Rasputin tells an incredibly catchy account of the assassination of Grigori Rasputin. Another rather more charged example comes in Nakam by Daniel Kahn and the Painted Bird, about the unsuccessful paramilitary plot to poison six million Germans as revenge for the Holocaust.

If you go looking, you can find an impressively long list of historical songs compiled by 30 users of lyrics website Genius - though many of these I feel don't really count, since they were describing contemporary events when they were written.

Of course, there is a heavy overlap between this subject and political songs - in many cases the historical subjects are invoked to comment on the present. For example, Wernher von Braun by Tom Lehrer was written at a time when von Braun was leading the US space programme. In many cases, the songs simply invoke a historical event to express a feeling, assuming you already know what happened. Others may recount events more or less directly, before seguing into a verse or two at the end about why it matters now. Most of the songs in this list focus on recent (20th-century) history, sometimes they reach further back - mostly to talk about colonialism.

Historical songs can also be quite oblique. For example, Mili's song Salt, Pepper, Birds and the Thought Police is about the life of Korean poet Yoon Dong-ju, but you wouldn't necessarily know it from the content of the lyrics unless you were already familiar with Yoon's life. More on Mili in a moment - most of their songs are more fictional.

One thing I'm curious about is whether there are examples of more historical fiction in music, which tries to imagine the thoughts and feelings of historical characters... well obviously there's Hamilton, and perhaps that illustrates why there aren't a lot more songs about non-recent history, because the vibes can be off.

Storytelling is still a powerful mechanism even in a contemporary, political song. Take Construção by Chico Buarque - the story it tells is of the pointless death of a construction worker; with the lines ingeniously remixed over the course of the song, this turns into a wider illustration of the ruthlessness of the system that killed him. Its lyrics are absolutely fucking genius, even if you don't speak Portugese.

Speaking of language, most of the examples I've covered so far are in English, since well, that's my native language. It's naturally a little harder to access a story in a language you don't speak, but in these days of subtitles, we kinda can! So for example I can encounter projects like MILGRAM, something of a combination of music project and voting-driven story, in which we are introduced (by character song) to a number of characters facing execution - and then invited to vote on who should die. Heavily illustrated, it is somewhere vaguely in the space between album and straight-up anime.

I mentioned Mili already, but many of their other songs have a strong narrative arc to them, and sketch out the contours of a fictional setting. For example, one of their best-known songs is world.execute(me), which portrays the failure of a bdsm relationship between an AI girl and her creator. Which is relatively grounded by Mili standards - other songs depict for example the relationship of a jiangshi and a mad scientist cooking food, or a witch reanimating a knight with scientific methods to kill on her behalf.

And I think that will suffice for now. But we are of course only scratching the surface - this is by no means supposed to be an exhaustive list but I'm sure there's stuff that I'll be kicking myself for not mentioning. Mostly, however, this is a request for recommendations - particularly, of music from genres I haven't addressed in this post, and especially non-English languages, or that convey their stories in especially creative or unusual ways.

This project will likely be a long time in the works - it's something of a supplement to the Music Theory Notes (for science bitches) series - but my aim will be to pick out a few of these to examine how they go about conveying narrative through songs. Because I think that's kind of one of the big things I want to do with music.

ok canmom out i gotta go play some music. see you next time!

[sweetcarrotsandroses97]

Spring | JJK

Hello darlings!!!

Pairing: royal guard!Jungkook x princess!Reader, prince!Jimin x princess!Reader (ft. Yoongi & Hoseok)

Summary: In which you, princess of the Gyeongdong Dynasty, were in the middle of wedding plans. An arranged marriage that would guarantee your father's bloodline to stay on the throne.

Or in which you are assigned a new royal guard that swore to protect you with his life. Jeon Jungkook. That's his name. A name you could never forget. A name that, slowly but surely got engraved not only in your memories but also in your heart.

Love, politics, betrayal and desire. All in ancient history. A love that never should have happened, two souls that wouldn't be allowed to be together.

Warnings: fluff, angst, mentions of past life, reincarnation! AU, implied soulmate! AU, flashbacks, ft. Yoongi and Hoseok, modern! AU, lost love, yearning, strangers to lovers???, all the feels, crying, there's a kiss, sweet and soft koo, hurt/comfort, (let me know if I missed anything!)

Word Count: 10.4 k

A/N: Hello, darlings! Welcome the the finale of "Four Seasons"! I know you guys have waited a looong time for this part to come out but it is finally here so let's see how Jungkook and our Princess will end their love story!

This whole story was highly inspired by "Moon Lovers" and the ending it should have had, (in my humble opinion). I included different scenes of other movies/shows/dramas that I liked with the hope you will like it as well.

Also thank you guys so much for 200 followers! Take this as my thank you gift, darlings!

Thank you so much for all the love this series got and thank you for sticking up with me to see the end of this journey and hopefully the beginning of many more! Please let me know your thoughts in the comments, darlings! Happy reading, everyone!

💜 Boraghae ARMY 💜

~Taglist for Four Season: @valhallawhispers @lovingkoalaface @seokout @ackercute @jksusawife

~Tagging people who were waiting for the finale (I apologise if you didn't want to be tagged) @jjanjankook @junghoseok07 @vminkookgf @allie-is-a-panda

We have lived through centuries, carrying many lives, carrying many deaths. Carrying a world only remembered by our pure soul.

Jungkook opened his eyes, it was still dark outside. He sighed, reaching over his nightstand and picking up his phone. His eyes burned with the sudden light coming from the small device as he turned off his morning alarm.

The phone rested on his chest as he hesitated whether to get up and go to work or probably call sick today once more. Yet a sudden weight getting on the bed made him sigh once more. His other hand blindly searched for his large and sweet dog to pet him lazily while remembering Bam was running out of food and he needed to buy another bag, that meant he had to go to work once more.

With a soft groan, he sat on the bed, searching for his slippers before he stood up and walked out of the bedroom with Bam hot on his heels.

The sun was barely out yet the sky was already painted in beautiful hues of blue and orange. Decorated with the soft looking clouds that seemed to have been delicate brushes over a painting in the museum Jungkook worked at.

Loneliness encapsulated Jungkook's heart as he gazed at the beautiful sky, he almost felt as if there was something missing in his life or rather, someone. He felt empty, divided and there was nothing that could fill that void in his soul.

He tried getting into cooking, but the soft ache was always there. Working out was the solution for some time but as soon as he was back home, that melancholy drowned his soul once more. It made him ache, dream and yearn for something he didn't even know what it was but he felt like he needed it to survive.

Spring had arrived a couple of weeks ago, the trees were blooming with beautiful pink flowers and the petals fell on the ground softly, creating an enchanting path to walk by. The parks were full of greenery and the birds began to sing after the crude winter. Warmer days were to come.

Jungkook found himself walking through the same streets like every morning to get to his full-time job. He walked monotonously, his earpods on only to stop people from talking to him, not that it had happened many times but there was something about today that he didn't wish to interact with people. The least he did it, the better.

No music filled his ears, the walk was monotonous; monochrome even. Without an ounce of colour in his life even when spring was flourishing around him.

However, the sudden smell of fresh roses invaded his senses and he was pulled back from his mind and looked around the crowd that walked alongside him but were unaware of his mundane existence.

Many people surrounded him. Many people continued their paths while he stood rooted to the ground. The scent so soft and calming it made his heart skip a beat without thinking about it. But the feeling was lost before he could fully grasp it. Something clawed at his heart to search for such a unique scent, to go after the person who owned it but the idea dissipated from his mind like fog in a spring morning as someone bumped his shoulder softly and Jungkook was forced to continue moving with the crowd who carried him away of his very first taste of spring.

You stared out of the window of your car, your chin rested over your knuckles as you lost yourself in your thoughts. You noticed the beautiful cherry blossoms have already bloomed, spring has arrived sooner than you thought. But despite the mesmerising view outside of your car, you felt nothing about the pink petals that signalled a new season has started.

Almost as if your heart was frozen. Many called you that. Ice Queen. For people have rarely ever seen you smile. As if it was physically harmful for you to do so. The public always had its eye on you given that you were the only and beautiful daughter of a very important politician, your life was surely of entertainment to the media.

"Did you check the files I sent you yesterday?"

Hoseok, your best friend and personal assistant, spoke next to you. His voice brought you back from your thoughts. You turned to look at him with that emotionless expression he had already gotten used to as you spoke with a dry voice.

"Of course. If I'm going to buy something, I inform myself well, Hoseok. You already know the drill."

He sighed, opening his phone as he checked a new message from your father.

"Is there anything that caught your eye?"

You took a deep breath, your fingers playing with the bracelet you never took off as you spoke with that same bored tone he honestly hated in you. Not because Hoseok had come to terms with it meant he liked it. He had once heard your beautiful laughter. Your precious smile was enough to illuminate a whole room. But that had been long ago. Many years had passed since those golden days. Days when you didn't have responsibilities, when there were no explicit expectations. Days when you both were only children.

"I want to see the paintings. The Gyeongdong Dynasty is known for their magnificent art but I won't be convinced until I see such art pieces with my own eyes."

Hoseok sighed yet again. If he got a dollar for every time he sighed these days he'd already be rich.

"Stubborn as ever."

He muttered under his breath and you turned around to look out of the window, hiding the minuscule smirk that threatened to break over your cherry red lips.

The car stopped in front of the Leeum Museum. You looked at the building, hearing how Hoseok stepped out of the car, just as your driver. Your best friend walked around the car and opened the door for you. With graceful movements you stepped out as well and stood tall on your ground as Hoseok closed the door behind you.

"I'll call you when we’ll be getting back."

Hoseok spoke to the driver, the older man bowed down at you both before he got in the car again and drove off. You stood in front of the museum, admiring the beautiful architecture. Soft wind made your hair fly slightly as you began walking to the castle of arts with Hoseok trailing behind you.

A sudden melancholy filled your heart with each step you took towards the building. As if you had been missing something and were only about to find it. It clawed at your heart and you shuddered at the feeling. Suppressing it as the double doors opened for you and you entered the elegant and modern museum, wanting to stay and leave at the same time.

"Today Miss Lee will be visiting us for her purchase, Jungkook."

Yoongi spoke as he leaned back on his office chair while twirling a pen between his fingers. Jungkook nodded, hands clasped in front of him as he listened attentively.

"She is an extremely special client, one of our main buyers. I am trusting you to tend to her every need. Don't mess with her. Let her roam around and when she decides what artefact she'd want to buy, bring her here. I'll sign the paperwork."

Jungkook looked at his boss and friend with curiosity in his big doe eyes.

"Is there anything specific I should know about her?"

Yoongi sighed deeply, twirling his chair a bit to the right as he looked outside the beautiful gardens of the elegant museum.

"You really don't follow the media, do you? Miss Lee (y/n) is known to have a very difficult temper. She has never been seen smiling and her attitude is as cold as ice, according to netizens. Don't follow her too closely, don't even look her in the eyes. We can't lose such an important purchaser as her."

"I understand."

Jungkook reassured with firmness in his voice, feeling something oddly familiar at the mention of the stoic woman's name. Something within himself he wasn't quick enough to grasp.

"You may go, she is expected to arrive any minute now."

The younger man nodded, bowing softly before he left the classy and minimalist office. Jungkook descended the marble staircase that led to the offices above only to come face to face with Jung Hoseok himself.

"Mr. Jung."

He acknowledged. Hoseok turned to look at Jungkook before a warm smile appeared on his delicate and beautiful features.

"Ah, you must be Jeon Jungkook, right?"

The latter nodded, extending his right hand forward. Hoseok shook his hand firmly before the both men began walking back to the gallery.

"I apologise. I wasn't notified when Miss Lee arrived. I'd like to introduce myself to her."

Jungkook spoke with professionalism in his deep voice. Silently earning Hoseok's silent approval about the younger man.

"Of course. I left her in the ancient relics hall. Let's go there, shall we?"

You had ventured on your own when Hoseok left you to search for the man who was going to accompany you and assess you in your purchase. You didn't pay him much thought as he disappeared around the corner, leaving you alone in the large and beautiful house of arts.

Your feet carried you through the halls, your heels clicking in the marble floors and echoing among the walls that told centuries of history.

The exhibition of the Gyeongdong Dynasty was one the public have been waiting for a long time now. Curious as ever as to what item were you to purchase as preservation of cultural treasure as per your father's own political project.

There was something terribly familiar about the artefacts you saw kept in glass boxes. Historical treasures were kept intact, there was jewellery from noble families and even the royal families of the dynasty that were managed to be restored.

Paintings, clothes, old parchments, vases and even toys were all around the place. You walked over to the hallway where the artefacts of the royal families were kept. Ignoring the heaviness in your steps, the sourness in your heart, the odd feelings that clawed at your heart.

A big glass wall allowed you to witness the mesmerising view of the gardens, cherry blossoms in all their resplandor bloomed at the very background, pink petals decorated the outer grounds and a small fountain was at the centre of the small yet lovely garden that you felt a sudden urge to go to.

You watched it in silence. The soft and pink petals falling behind you with delicate motions. Spring had arrived. But your heart was frozen. Cold as it missed something you yearned for yet didn't know what it was or how to find it. An empty feeling that had lived within you for as long as you can remember.

With a sigh, you forced yourself to avert your eyes from the garden and focus back on the artefacts around the big room. You watched replicas of the dynasty's royal robes. A dress colour orange picked your attention the most, perhaps for its intriguing details or beautiful tailoring. Maybe because of the extravagant colour but you found yourself staring at it for quite some time. A heaviness weighing your heart down as you forced yourself to move forward from the dress you knew once belonged to a princess.

You passed the row of robes and dresses in glass cages, focusing on the paintings hanging on the walls with their respective description below.

First family of the Gyeongdong Dynasty.

Second family of the Gyeongdong Dynasty.

Third family of the Gyeongdong Dynasty.

And so on. It was mostly a man and a woman in the painting, some had children others did not. And you guessed they were the kings and queens of the long lost dynasty that brought the land to prosperity before the Goryeo dynasty started.

You stopped in front of a painting of a man and a woman, both quite beautiful in the art piece. The woman in the painting was holding a baby in her arms and you couldn't help but tilt your head slightly at the strange familiarity you felt towards the beautiful portrait.

There were no names of the people in the painting, the Gyeongdong Dynasty had suffered quite the loss of information when the palace caught fire during the last family of the bloodline. However, you couldn't stop staring at the woman in the portrait. You didn't know why, but it almost felt as if you were watching yourself in a mirror.

You felt as if you resembled her, as if your soul recognised her even when you hadn't seen such a portrait before. The man however made you nostalgic over their sad story.

According to the description of the painting, the man and the woman were married and had a son but she had died of a heart disease. He never remarried and historians said the queen was deeply loved by her husband.

The more you looked at the painting, the heavier your heart felt. It was a family portrait. A family portrait that told a sad story. It made your heart clench in your chest and you took a step back, as if the painting was cursed by the heavens and you had to walk away from it.

Perhaps you needed to stop taking that herbal tea Hoseok always pestered you to drink on an empty stomach.

You felt your stomach sink when you saw the next painting. You recognised the man from the last portrait. The young king. His queen was by his side in the large throne hall and all the officers stood in front of the throne in line. You saw a man, standing next to the queen that wore dark robes and had rough and large hands clasped in front of him.

It felt as if you were dreaming. Watching a movie or remembering something you had forgotten as images flooded in your mind and you found yourself drowning in the violent waters that was the mind.

---

A soft smile was plastered over your features while still facing him. However, he ignored what you said and commented, his voice a bit more distant than before.

"You will trip if you walk like that."

It was a statement rather than a possibility and that had you frowning up at him. If he was going to be like this then your little trips to the city and nearby villages were going to be a bit dull, at least until you got to your desired destination.

"I won't! I don't lik-"

But your sentence got cut off when, just as he predicted, you tripped with a small rock. You gasped when you felt your body being pulled down to the ground by gravity, the heavy skirts of your dress not allowing you to gain back your footing.

It was only when you felt a firm hand grasping yours and a pull over your body when you were back on your feet.

"I told you you would trip over."

Officer Jeon said, his voice cold and distant but you were able to catch a tinge of humour behind his words. A soft blush painted your cheeks when you realised he was still holding your hand in his surprisingly warm one.

Out of a sudden you felt shy, retrieving your hand from his grasp and taking a couple of steps away from him as you hadn't noticed just how close the two of you were a mere second ago.

"That... that was- it wouldn't... aish. I don't like for people to walk behind me, I feel like I'm being followed. Just... just do me the favour, could you? Just walk next to me, I promise you won't get in trouble."

He sighed, looking around before agreeing with a silent nod.

"And, thanks by the way. For not letting me fall down."

He bowed slightly, the both of you continuing your path down to the city.

"I was just doing my work, Princess."

You had to bite down on your lip to keep the smile from shining all over your face. He indeed took that vow to heart. You thought. Looking up at him, you noticed just how handsome your personal guard was and a warm sensation spread all over your body.

"So... tell me. What's your name? How would you like me to call you?"

Your question made him look down at you for a split second but you continued to watch him with curiosity. If he was going to always be with you, at least you could be friends?

"I am the First Officer of the Royal Guards, Jeon Jungkook. You can call me as you please, My Lady."

Jeon Jungkook.

---

"Thank you for coming with me to the city."

He bowed down at you, not saying a word. When he straightened back up he was met with the sight of you holding a small bag towards him.

"You can have them, you looked like you wanted some of them. I won't be able to finish them all anyway."

Jungkook took the bag from your hand hesitantly, his fingers brushing yours for a split second before the contact was broken.

"I appreciate your generosity, Princess. Rest well."

You smiled a little wider at him, your hands clasping in front of you.

"You rest as well, Jungkook."

With that being said you entered your room, sliding the door shut. Only when Jungkook saw that you had closed the door did he begin walking back to his own room.

---

"You have good skills but your posture can be improved."

At Jungkook's words you lifted your gaze, meeting his dark brown eyes with your own once more. He gestured towards your bow with his chin and asked, his voice gentle like a summer breeze.

"May I?"

You nodded, handing him your bow. The warmth of his fingers brushed yours and you had to bite back a smile. He crouched down and picked up the arrow that had fallen from your grasp a moment ago.

Jungkook positioned himself and you watched his every move.

"You are too tense while holding the bow, if your hold is firm but at the same time gentle it will give you stability."

You listened carefully to his explanations as your eyes were glued to him and for the first time since he became your personal guard were you able to admire him. Properly admire him.

Your gaze landed on his focused face, on how his eyes were put on the target mark and nothing else. Then, you travelled to his lips and marvelled on the way he was pulling back the arrow until it touched the corner of his lips softly. His jawline was defined as if it had been sculpted by the gods.

His broad shoulders carried years of training and you could see how his muscles could be traced even with more than one layer of clothing. His veiny hands held the bow and the arrow with expertise and you found yourself trapped in a trance in which only Jungkook existed.

He fired the arrow, hitting the target in its centre. You looked amazed at the clean shot he did and he commented, giving you back your bow.

"Would you like to try again, Princess?"

You nodded and took the bow. Jungkook walked where the rest of the arrows were and picked one up. He handed it to you and you took it softly from his grasp. You positioned the arrow and prepared yourself to shoot.

You silently gasped when you felt a large hand over your left one, the one holding the bow and it took you less than a second to realise it was Jungkook who was guiding you. You smelled his scent from behind you and felt the light pressure of his body at your back but it wasn't uncomfortable, on the contrary, you felt safe being this close to him. It was... Soothing, to say the least.

"You need to relax your hand a bit more."

Following his instructions, he smiled.

"Good, now take a deep breath. Straighten up a bit more and concentrate."

You did as you were told, closing your eyes and relishing in the comfort Jungkook provided. The warm feeling of his hand over yours was nearly overwhelming. The moment you opened your eyes again, the only thing you could focus on was the target. Letting go of the arrow, it travelled through the air with a mute noise and landed directly on the mark.

A gasp left your lips and Jungkook let go of your hand just as you turned around and looked up at him. Your smile showed pure happiness, a happiness he was responsible for and for some reason, that settled a spark of proudness in his chest.

---

"I care for you, Princess."

You closed your eyes, letting the tears fall freely down your cheeks.

"You can't."

Whispered words reached his ears. Making his heart shake with the need to hold you, promise you that it was going to be alright.

"But I do."

You opened your eyes, looking at Jungkook through blurry vision. His eyes were filled with tears and you felt an ache in your heart at the sight of his tears.

"You weren't supposed to. You were only meant to protect me, Jungkook. That's it, nothing else."

He sighed, his eyes lowering to your trembling hands resting on your lap. He had a sudden urge to hold them. To hold you. To comfort you.

"I know. Love is blind, Princess. No-one gets to choose."

---

Your eyes were locked with his, not daring to break the eye contact that was grounding your thoughts, in a way at least.

"I'm begging you to put yourself in my shoes, it is not correct for me to write to you in such a way. Your fiancé is in the palace and you could get in trouble if someone finds out."

The way he said "you could get in trouble" not "me", not "we". It was you who he was worried about. His heart feared for you and the fact of such care brought tears to your eyes.

"It is not appropriate, Your Highness."

He bowed slightly at you, a lump forming in your throat as realisation hit you. You were losing him. You were losing the only man who could ever own your heart. The man you cared for over everyone else. The man you loved. You were losing your Jungkook but, was he really yours to begin with?

You could never claim yourself as his so no, he wasn't yours. He wasn't yours to love and care, he wasn't yours to be with you out of what was needed to be.

You took a deep breath, holding your head high and swallowing the lump in your throat. You were never going to say you loved him, you weren't going to put yourself in such pain. You didn't want his pity. The misery it'd come afterwards.

"You are right,"

This time, Jungkook flinched at your tone. Your words were void of any emotion, a sound that he used to know was as warm like the summer days felt now cold like winter.

"it is not right for us to write to each other. It will not happen again."

Even though that was what his mind desired for you to say, his heart hurt at your words. As if someone had just stabbed him directly in the heart. Your words had such an impact on him. Not because you were the Crown Princess but because he loved you. He loved you with all his body, soul and mind. He loved you more than love itself. But he knew the cruel reality. Jungkook knew that you both could never be together.

---

"Yes. You?"

He nodded. Not hearing the commotion from before. The intruders had been defeated by the remaining palace guards. He could hear Yoongi talking to the king about investigating the bloodbath that had just occurred in the throne room.

Jungkook looked down at you. The hand that once rested on your shoulder travelled down your arm until his fingers locked with yours, holding your hand and giving it a firm squeeze in reassurance.

But the moment was short-lived. The moment in which you lost yourself in his dark orbs and relished in the feeling of his touch as innocent and reassuring as was to hold your hand.

You saw, in a matter of milliseconds how his eyes shifted from you to something standing behind you. His sword clanked to the floor and his hand left yours, leaving it cold once more. You suddenly found yourself in his arms as he twisted you both. Being him who's back faced the entrance way.

You gasped at the motion. But nothing could have been worse than the pained groan he let out a mere second after he spun you around.

Tears gathered in your eyes when you saw one of the remaining intruders holding a bow, pointing it at you. Your eyes widened when you saw an arrow had pierced him on the back.

"Jungkook!"

He began to slump forward and you did your best to ease his fall. The hand that held the bow you had used to defend yourself clattered to the floor as you knelt on the ground, while Jungkook nuzzled his head in the crook of your neck.

Jimin, who stood next to the entrance way, had seen everything unfold before his eyes. He was quick to run towards the last intruder and kill him with his own sword before he turned back to you and watched how you held Jungkook in your embrace.

"Jungkook! Stay awake, you have to stay awake! Do you hear me? Jungkook!"

---

“I just remembered,”

He stood up, his hands leaving your grasp and you felt them cool down without the warmth of Jungkook’s large hands over your own. Your gaze followed him while he searched in one of his drawers until he pulled something out and walked back to you. 

“I made you something for your birthday but with everything that happened, I never got the chance to give it to you.”

You were glad you were sitting, if not, you would have probably fainted with the amount of love you had for this man. Had he really made you something despite the terms you were in before the engagement ceremony? Did he really love you that much?

Of course he did. 

When Jungkook loved, he loved with all his heart. And right now, you were the owner of that heart of his. He gave it to you without a second thought and his little actions kept proving it to you over and over again. He grabbed your left wrist and you looked down, watching as he tied a red braided bracelet around your skin. He tightened it with the perfect amount of force, tight enough for it to not fall but not that strong that it would hurt your precious skin. 

“Do you like it?”

You couldn’t take your eyes off his gift. It was a beautifully braided bracelet with small pearls in it. 

“It’s perfect.”

You whispered. Afraid that if you spoke any louder the moment would be ruined. His heart skipped a beat with your words.

“No-one has ever given me such a beautiful gift. Thank you, Jungkook.”

He scratched the back of his neck, clearing his throat and looking away. But you were having none of that so you, once more, grabbed his hand and made him look at you. Your (e/c) eyes met his big doe ones and you said, with tears prickling at the corner of your eyes.

“Thank you, Jungkook. For everything.”

He smiled, a warm smile that made butterflies go wild in your stomach. 

“You are very welcome, my princess.”

---

"Aren't you cold?"

That voice he enjoyed so much reached his ears, making him look up at you. He smiled. Shutting the book as his arm rested next to him. Your feet crunched the snow below as you made your way towards him.

"Not really, princess. I kept myself busy."

You smiled. Looking up at him as your hands clasped themselves in front of you.

"Aren't you cold, Your Highness?"

His voiced concern made your heart flutter. You feared he could hear just how fast your heart was beating inside your chest.

"No, I just came from taking a walk with the Crown Prince."

Jungkook kept his gaze on you yet you were aware how something flashed in his eyes at the mention of your future husband. It was there in those dark orbs you loved to get yourself lost into, a second in which he let his emotions take control over him. Where he was vulnerable to your watchful eyes.

But it was gone as you blinked. He gave you no time to question whatever you had seen in his gaze as he asked you next.

"Are you ready for your wedding day?"

The atmosphere turned sombre. As if clouds had hidden the sun of a summer day during tea time. Soft snowflakes began falling from the darkening skies in a soft motion. Delicately even.

"You know I'm not. How could I?"

The smile that once adorned Jungkook's handsome features was now gone. A sad look covered his eyes.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked that."

You took a deep breath. The little bubble of happiness and freedom he provided was now popped and you were brought to the harsh reality. You didn't say anything but you could feel his eyes on you as the both of you walked slowly through your private gardens.

The playful and innocent mood like a summer breeze had been clouded by the cold winds of winter. Of reality.

---

"You came."

You breathed out. Not really believing he was standing there, in front of you when you were literally getting married tomorrow.

"You called."

Jungkook answered. A fond smile was painted over his pink lips. His eyes twinkled with happiness upon seeing you. His hand reached forward in an unconscious manner. But he paused his motion before his palm graced your cheeks with his loving touch.

He lowered his arm and cleared his throat. Speaking once more to break the silence that fell between you two.

"I will not ask how you managed to send that note to me, Princess."

You let out a short laugh, blessing his ears with such a pure sound. A melody his heart cherished more than life itself.

"I have my ways, Officer Jeon."

He snorted at that, his frame relaxing in your presence as he leaned his side to the tree. His eyes never leave your own.

"Can't you call me by my name, Jungkook? Just once?"

Your plea made his eyes harden. You asked for the impossible but you desired more than oxygen to hear your name in his voice. That sweet voice that lived in your mind rent-free. That would console you in your memories when you were sad and would bring a smile upon your face in the most random times of the day.

"I cannot, Your Highness. It is against His Majesty's order to address you improperly."

You frowned.

"Even if I am asking you that?"

He sighed. A hand running though his dark hair. How you wished you could run your own hands through his locks. You could bet on your life they were as soft as cotton.

"I can't, princess. I'm sorry."

Silence stretched between you both. Somehow, the air felt colder, breathing got more challenging upon your rejected request.

"Why did you want to see me? Did you miss me that much?"

Jungkook said, trying to lighten the mood. A playful smirk over his lips. You looked up at him, your eyes as transparent as the lake's water; revealing your soul.

"I don't know if you'll want to speak to me after I say what's been on my mind for the last two days."

He lifted an eyebrow at your response. Curiosity got the best of him as he took a step away from the tree, now standing fully in front of you. The soft snow continues to dance around you.

"It can't be that bad, now can it? Just tell me, Princess."

You took a deep breath, your pulse quickening. This was it. The opportunity to speak your mind. To reveal your most intimate desire to him.

"I don't want to get married, Jungkook. I don't want to marry the Crown Prince. Jimin is worthy of the throne but... I don't love him."

He remained silent. His eyes turned from playful to serious the moment you mentioned your marriage. And he listened. He listened with all his attention to each word that left your lips.

"I can't marry a man I don't love. I want... I want to be with you. It is you who I want to marry, to spend the rest of my time with. Only you can make me happy, Jungkook and it breaks my heart every time I am reminded you won't be at the other end of the altar tomorrow."

Tears began to cloud your vision. But you tried to blink them back. This was what you had been trying to say to him. Yet your most desired thing in the word was still to get revealed.

"I want to leave, I want to leave this place, Kookie. I don't want to be a princess if it means I cannot be yours entirely. I burn for you, in every extent of the word. I cannot breathe when you are not near, I cannot think when I cannot see you close to me. You are everything to me."

A lump began forming in his throat. He felt exactly the same. Jungkook was glad you spoke of this first, you revealed your soul to him, your thoughts, your heart. You needed him. You lived with him, for him. It'd be a pointless life if you couldn't share it with him, he saw that now.

But the surprise when he heard you next couldn't be hidden even if he had wished to do so.

"I want to run away with you, Jungkook. "

---

"What are you doing outside at this hour, Jungkook?"

He untangled his hands from behind him and let them rest by his side, his eyes never leaving yours. Not knowing how his gaze alone was enough to make your heart thump wildly inside you.

"I couldn't sleep. I'll assume you are here because of the same reason."

You nodded, he took a step forward and your breath hitched in your throat. The action of inhaling was already painful as the air was cold, as cold as your neglected heart. Was he really going to take the risk of being this close to you? Another step. Perhaps he was. Then another. He certainly was.

It wasn't until he stood so close to you that you could feel his warm breath dust over your cold cheeks that you silently gasped and took a step back on instinct.

If anyone saw you both, there'd be problems. You didn't want that, not for Jungkook at least.

"And because I missed you. I had to see you. You do not only own this kingdom, you own my heart too and I couldn't live another day without seeing you, my Queen. For you are the one who rules my heart and soul."

You savoured the way his sweet words sprinkled your sour soul with sugar. It was delicious. To think that you were his, that he loved you, that he thought of you, dreamed of you. That he wanted you, perhaps even more strongly than how you wanted him.

You allowed yourself to drown in his sweet words. If only for a moment. Just a moment. A minute. A second would suffice. You didn't ask for more. You didn't want more. The only thing that you needed was his love and he gave it to you on a silver tray.

"Do you really want me that much?"

He nearly flinched at the way your voice was so soft, delicate even. Carrying emotions that were only reflected in your eyes.

"I want you with every fibre of my body and I can't stop thinking about that day. The day when you wanted to leave this place, I only want you to know that if the circumstances had been different, I would have escaped with you but taking you with me only meant death. I would rather die every day for not having you by my side than being the reason for your demise. I love you too much to do that to you."

You didn't realise you were crying until he reached his hand to wipe the tears but you took a step back. Hurt flashed in his eyes and that alone was enough for more tears to roll down your cheeks.

"You can't touch me, Jungkook. Not without the King's permission. Not even in an innocent way."

Your mumbled words reached his ears and he lowered his hand, he clenched it in a tight fist by his side but you didn't notice. Not when your eyes were glued to his own.

"And I understand why you didn't run away with me. I love you too much to get you killed. I'm so sorry I even proposed it on the first place."

His own eyes reflected the sadness in his soul in the form of tears. They glistened under the moonlight, little tears that he refused to let go; to set free.

"Do you really want me that much?"

A question you had already asked. A question he had already answered.

"Do you really want me that much, Jungkook? Even when I am another man's woman?"

He had to physically hold himself back so as to not take another step towards you. It pained him. His feet ached. His heart ached. It was painful to have you so close yet so far away at the same time yet he knew it had been like that since those warm summer days. Since the very beginning of the forbidden love story you developed with your royal guard.

Even when I am another man's woman...

Those words would repeat themselves in his head until the end of his days. A tear rolled down Jungkook's cheek, the chilly air hitting him and making him shiver.

You weren't his. Not anymore. You had never been his. At least not in this lifetime.

"You could never be tainted for me. You are and will always be perfect to hold my heart in your hands. And in our next life you will be mine, and if not in our next one or our next one after that. "

---

"Congratulations, Your Majesty."

Your steps halted when you heard his voice. A big banquet was held to announce your pregnancy to the village. Your father had come to bless you himself, he even told you he'd be staying during the last trimester of the pregnancy as he didn't want to miss the moment his grandchild were to be born.

You could only smile at that thought. But a gulp in your throat upon hearing that voice dissipated the thought, like fog when the sun came out. You turned around, eyes meeting with Jungkook's dark orbs.

A soft smile graced your lips yet he noticed how it didn't reach your eyes.

"Thank you, Jungkook."

There were so many things unsaid between you both. But have words ever been enough? He could see the sadness in your soul, the remorse, the longing and the love that existed in you. How Jungkook wished to go back to those summer days when everything was perfect, when you were happy along with him. When there existed no such barrier between you two of you being married to another man.

You could see it too, how his posture was tense, his eyes sharp with swirling storms of emotions in his dark gaze. You felt the yearning, the pain, the heartbreak from his part. And it crushed your heart even more for you knew he loved you but Jungkook couldn't step closer to you. Literally and figuratively.

He didn't know what else to say, all the courage he had managed to gather in the ceremony was gone now. Leaving him standing before you. His Queen; owner of his heart.

"I do not wish for this encounter to be like the last one, my queen. I only hope that you find the happiness you deserve for I cannot express how proud I am of you. Your child will resemble you in many ways, I am sure of it."

You wanted to run to him, hold his hand and wipe the tears that threatened to escape his eyes. But you could not. Dare not step such boundaries for his sake.

"You must find your happiness too, Jungkook. Live your life and live it right so that we can meet in our next lifetime."

---

A sharp pain made you gasp as your knees hit the floor, your dress puffing out around you. Jungkook was by your side the next second, concern was written all over his face while worry filled his eyes.

"Your Majesty, what's wrong? Please, talk to me."

You took a deep breath between your gasps and whimpers. Your hand grabbed his in your pain-induced mind, trying to ground yourself onto something, someone.

"I-It hurts... Jungkook, it h-hurts."

Your water broke the next second but you felt as if there was something wrong, this was not how a natural birth was supposed to start.

"Please... something's wrong. It- it hurts so much."

Tears gathered in your eyes as you tried to suppress the scream that threatened to escape your throat. You felt him let go of your hand, positioning his arms beneath your kneeling figure only to be lifted by him the next second.

Your arms circled his neck on instinct as you curled yourself in his hold. Jungkook began walking back to the palace at a fast pace, the weight of your body grounded his mind while at the same time numbed his senses. If you hadn't been in so much pain at that moment you would have noticed how his hands were trembling.

"Hold on, my Queen. You'll be fine, I'm here. It's alright."

He cradled you against his chest firmly, not wanting to let you go ever again now that you were in his arms. His heart feared for your safety, you were only eight months pregnant by now, he knew the risks of pregnancy and Jungkook knew he wouldn't be able to live if something were to happen to you.

Tears soaked his robes, your hand fisted his collar. Your small whimpers were like poisonous needles piercing his heart. It hurt. It pained him to see you in so much distress.

"Hold on, love. Please."

---

"You called for me, Your Majesty."

He bowed down at you and you sighed, realising how much you hated when he bowed at you when you'd go on your knees with only a word falling from his lips. He had that power over you. That way to command you. To make you feel.

"Jungkook."

The man before you lifted his gaze and your eyes met his once more. Had it been within any other circumstances, you'd have smiled and ran toward him. How you wish you could embrace him, how you wish you could kiss him and declare your love for him. How you wish you could love him freely.

You were sitting between blankets and cushions, taking rest after the hard labour. The prince lied next to you as he slept soundly while being wrapped up in luxurious fabric.

"I haven't seen you in a while."

He smiled. Not that smile that reached his eyes or that warmed your insides. It made you shiver with the sadness within it. Like a cold breeze on a winter day.

"I was told you were to rest, my Queen. Captain Min ordered me to give you some space, at least until you are feeling better."

You smiled, gesturing for him to sit in front of you, which he did. A moment of silence passed between you both. Your gaze lingered on his handsome features, drawing a map of him in your mind.

"I missed you."

He sighed at your whispered confession. Those words clawed at his heart with nothing but a heavy guilt that existed within him.

"My Queen... please."

You took a deep breath at his pleading, his begging. You looked aside as your heart constricted in your chest.

"Forgive me."

He looked at you with eyes full of emotions you weren't quick enough to grasp. Why must love hurt so much? Jungkook shifted his gaze from your figure, focusing on the little bundle where the prince, your son, slept peacefully.

"Congratulations on your baby. May prince Ha-joon live a long and happy life with his family."

---

"Kook!"

Ha-joon had said. Your hands felt cold against the warm cup, your soul froze when you looked up. There he was. Jeon Jungkook. You hadn't seen him in days. And before today there were only small peaks here and there followed by short greetings.

Jungkook turned to look at you, your eyes met his from across the garden. You felt your breath hitch in your throat at the mere sight of him. Your hands trembled around the cup, forcing you to put it away.

He bowed down at you slowly yet his eyes never left yours. Emotions invaded your body as you stood up from your chair. Hoseok noticed your actions and sat up, Ha-joon left his side and ran with his little legs where Jungkook was.

Your royal guard smiled down at your son and Hoseok stood up from the ground, walking the steps to where you stood.

"Your Majesty, are you alright? You look pale, should I walk you to your chambers?"

But you shook your head, your eyes following Jungkook's figure as he approached you with Ha-joon by his side. The little prince was telling him something that you couldn't hear and he smiled widely. Flashed him that bunny smile you loved so much and had missed just as fiercely.

Jungkook bowed down at you once he stood in front of you. Ha-joon looked up at the man next to him and mimicked his actions. Your heart clenched at the sight. Having the man you loved and your child who was your husband's son before you was too much for your heart.

It clenched inside you, it burned, it ached.

"Your Majesty."

Jungkook acknowledged you. You nodded softly at him and he rose to his full height. Ha-joon doing the same.

"Kook! Play, together."

Hoseok watched the interaction from where he stood. His own heart clenched at the sight of your hidden pain. You have always been an open book for your best friend. You had been able to hide your love from your father, even from your husband but not from Hoseok. He had known you his entire life. He knew you, he knew the core of your heart. He knew your unspoken words. He knew.

"Only if the queen allows it, my prince."

Jungkook's eyes found yours once more. A sad smile painted his lips. Ha-joon was a clear resemblance of you but also of his father and Jungkook was reminded once more of what he had lost the day you married Jimin. Of that dream that he wished would become his reality was instead a mountain of ashes. Of burnt dreams and wishes.

You smiled tightly at the pair in front of you, not wanting to deny sweet Ha-joon of his free days and innocent happiness.

"You may play, but please be careful."

---

"Jungkook."

His name coming from your lips was the sweetest melody he has ever heard. He had missed it. He had missed you. His eyes locked with yours and he nearly gasped at the sight of you laying on the soft bedding, your skin was paler than usual, your eyes were tired and your body was beyond weakened.

"Your Majesty."

He acknowledged you. Bowing softly at you without tearing his gaze from you. He saw you shift in your position, laying on your left side so you could see him properly. You smiled and in an instant his dark world was lightened by your existence. 

"Come closer, Jungkook. Come here."

Your hand extended towards him as if trying to reach him. He couldn't hold himself back any longer upon your innocent request as his legs moved with a mind of their own. Nearly jumping until he was kneeling by your side, his hand holding yours ever so softly.

“I heard… I heard that you are sick, my Queen. Is it true?”

Jungkook asked almost shyly. Not meeting your eyes as his own gaze was fixed on your joined hands. 

“It is.”

He sighed at your response. Feeling how his heart clenched within him. Tears watered his dark eyes and a lump grew in your throat at the sight of his sadness. 

“Don’t cry, Jungkook. Don’t waste your tears over me.”

He looked up at you, his expression hurt with your words. A frown was between his brows, eyes watered with his materialised sadness and a soul that he could no longer carry on his own. 

“How can you say that to me? I am dying with you, my Queen. Only you are capable of causing me the greatest pain yet it is you who eradicates it as well.”

You squeezed his hand, feeling your chest aching. Your mind was shutting down as you gazed at the man you loved with your entire being. 

“Forgive me.”

He shook his head, refusing to let his tears roll down his cheeks as his eyes roamed over your face as if trying to memorise all your little details in his mind. 

“It is I who should beg for forgiveness. I cannot protect you from this, I have failed you. I cannot prevent you from leaving me.”

A tear left the corner of your eye as you looked at him with so many unsaid things and raging emotions you were never able to pour out. It was too much. Too much love. Too much longing. Too much sadness. Too much anger. Your heart couldn’t take it any more.

“Maybe you can’t make me stay, but you gave me the opportunity of knowing what it was to love. Even when we couldn’t be together in the end, I still love you. I will always love you, Jungkook. In each… in each lifetime.”

—

A choked gasp left your lips as the memory dissipated from your mind like morning fog during a summer day. You didn't even realise you were crying until you sniffled and your hand came up to your face and your skin was wet with your own liquid sadness.

What kind of dream was this? What kind of cruelty had fate bestowed upon you? What kind of crime did you commit to feel this pain? You had loved, you had been loved only for it to melt like ice in those warm summer days when everything was perfect. You couldn't help the sob that escaped your lips as the realisation hit you:

You were the queen of the portrait. A representation of your old soul trapped in your past life as the unfortunate lover.

It wasn't a dream. It was a memory. Your memories from your past life and that love you were once denied to have. 

Hoseok was nearing the hall of ancient artefacts when his phone rang and he stopped in his tracks. Jungkook halted beside him and waited in silence.

"I'm sorry, I have to take this. I left Miss (y/n) at the end of this hall. You shouldn't have difficulty finding her."

Jungkook bowed softly, his warm eyes meeting the ones of Hoseok as he spoke in his professional voice once more.

"Don't worry, Mr. Jung. I'll do my best to assist her."

Hoseok nodded before he accepted the call and walked away, leaving Jungkook to sigh to himself before he ventured on the journey of finding the eccentric politician's daughter.

He walked among the centuries of history around him, through the halls that held art and a lost empire through time. Something about his line of work had always intrigued him. It made him wonder just how insignificant life was. Years, decades and centuries of history, of people that once walked on this Earth were now kept in glass boxes, a strange way of trying to preserve what should have died years ago.

It made him think about all the lives, all the deaths, all the heartbreaks from the past. All those untold stories buried in time. In every aspect, in every lifetime, in every way. It was simply melancholic to acknowledge all the history around him.

Jungkook walked, allowing his mind to wander as he thought of the beautiful politician's daughter. He thought of the times he had seen her, seen you in important events. Always looking so beautiful, always captivating the media. Always perfect, always next to your powerful father.

He reached the end of the hall but there was no sight of you. A sudden tightness gripped his heart fiercely, as if he were in pain, as if someone clutched his heart in its claws and it bled out.

As if on instinct, Jungkook walked to the royal hall. His feet moved on their own, his mind spiralled with all kinds of thoughts. With dream-like memories that he would have sworn were from one of those historical dramas he knew were popular among the hopeless romantics.

The sound of a sob echoed over the walls and it was as painful as being stabbed on the heart. He turned around with urgency only to spot you looking at a painting, your back was facing him while your left hand covered your mouth.

"Miss (y/n)?"

Your eyes widened when you heard that voice. That voice that was lost in your thoughts. That voice that was from your forgotten memories. That same voice that had broken your heart was now stitching it back together.

You turned around, your misty eyes met his in a dance of emotions you were, for once, able to dance along. Pink petals from the cherry blossoms in the garden behind fell slowly and when your eyes locked with Jungkook's he saw it as well.

He saw everything. All those memories, all those experiences. He saw his love. His sadness. His life. His reason for living. His flower. His darling. All in ancient history.

Jungkook saw his past life with you.

Like a movie in front of his eyes. A dream he wanted to reach. A memory he had promised to not forget but time was cruel and it was buried in the depths of his soul.

"Jungkook? It's you, isn't it?"

Your voice brought him back from his forgotten memories. He looked at you with a familiarity and a strangeness in his eyes. It was enough to make tears roll down your cheeks while his own eyes watered at the impossible sight before him.

"...princess? H-how?...."

You sobbed and he walked toward you. Unable to resist the sight of your tears. Perhaps this was the first time he met you in this lifetime but your souls have been in love for centuries. Your heart hadn't changed, his feelings remained the same. Love cannot be killed, not even by death.

He stood at arms length, eyes gazing down at you with the urge to know the truth. To know if you were that missing piece in his life. To know if this lifetime was worth-living.

"You found me. You said you'd find me."

Was this a dream? Was this a false memory? Was this real? He deeply needed for it to be real. Jungkook felt whole when he looked down at you. As if you were the missing piece for this puzzle called life. And you? You didn't know if he still wanted you. If Jungkook was your Jungkook. Your lost lover. Your forbidden romance. Your unfinished story.

"In every lifetime, princess."

His hand flexed next to him with the urge to touch you. To hug you and never let you go. To kiss you. To finally kiss you after all those denied moments he had before. To love you like he had dreamt long ago.

You wiped your cheeks with the back of your hand and something on your wrist caught his attention. It was a subtle glimpse of a red string around your wrist and he knew, in that moment he knew.

"You still wear it huh?"

A smile appeared on your lips at the same words he had spoken to you. A long time ago. Once upon a dream. In another lifetime. And the same answer is what he got. The same words that you had replied to him. The answer to his lovely sentence.

"I never took it off."

He was referring to your red bracelet. Something you remember always having, never truly knowing how you got to possess such a beautiful item but it simply felt right to wear it. So you did, you never took it off. As if it was engraved in your skin, almost like Jungkook's name was written in your soul and his whispered love was locked away in your heart.

"Can... Can I hold you?"

There was desperation in his voice. It sounded almost bitter that it pulled on your heartstrings. You nodded almost immediately. Burning just as him to feel him once more, to touch the man you had missed for centuries. To be held by your one and only love.

You were in his arms the next second. His hands pressed you against his chest as your own circled his waist. A long lost hug. A missed love. A romance out of time. But it was a timeless love nonetheless.

Something clicked inside you once you were held by Jungkook. As if your heart had been filled with his life, as if your broken soul was stitched back with just his simple touch. As if memories had been unlocked after your skin touched his.

"I missed you. I missed you so much, queen of my heart."

His hold on you tightened and you couldn't help but bury your face in his chest. How he had wished to do this in his first lifetime. How he wished he had been able to hold you like this. How he wished he had had you before just like this.

All the pain was gone. The tears were dried by his love. His hands held your heart so softly and purely you didn't want to part from him. You couldn't. You wouldn't. You wouldn't let go of him like that once more. You weren't going to lose him again. Not after all that pain, all that heartbreak, all those tears and all that yearning. Not again. Never again.

"I missed you too. So much, so much..."

Jungkook rested his chin at the top of your head, closing his eyes as he held you softly but firmly. It made him wonder just how much time you had been robbed in your past life. He realised just how evil fate had been to break you both like that. To separate two lovers is the worst cruelty of this fallen world.

But now, those cold days are over. Winter had passed. Even after centuries of living buried in the freezing snow, warmth had finally touched his heart. The soft rays of the sun were melting his once frozen soul. Your love did that. Only with you was he able to live in warmth. Only with you existed that flame in his heart that kept him alive.

You looked up at him and he met your gaze midway. It was magical. To look at the eyes you had unknowingly missed so much. How your soul was mourning the loss of Jungkook, how your life was always grey and cold was now warm and coloured in pink. Like the petals falling behind you.

One of his hands cradled your cheek and you smiled. Your heart was beating wildly in your heart at the proximity, at the love, at the emotions that came flooding like a waterfall from the sky.

You stood on your tippy toes only to press your lips against his. It was soft, delicate. Like a spring breeze. A kiss full of love. A healing kiss. A kiss that should have happened a long time ago. Jungkook kissed you back, burning at the feeling of your soft lips against his.

He tilted his head, deepening the kiss and you sighed, tightening your grip around his waist as he poured all those long lost emotions into that kiss. A kiss he had wished he could give you centuries ago. All the love, all the yearning, all the heartbreak, all the feelings of missing you, missing your warmth, your love, your touch, your existence were poured into that kiss.

A sealed kiss of timeless love.

"Don't ever leave me again."

He whispered against your lips. voice desperate with the promise of your love. Of your devotion. Of eternity.

"I wouldn't dream of it."

Your answer was said in a soft voice, only meant for Jungkook to hear. He pressed his forehead against yours, looking into your eyes as he felt the memories slowly come back to him. During those golden summer days, rainy autumn evenings and cold winter nights. Everything about his life with you came back like a soft spring drizzle over his soul.

Perhaps fate had been cruel when he separated you from your Jungkook with death. But it now gave you the opportunity with your rightful lover. That soulmate you were destined to love since the very beginning of life.

Through life and death, only time gets in between. Through tears and pain, it is love that keeps the hope alive and through silent feelings and absent minds; it is time that keeps them together in a dance with a melody only meant for the tangled lovers to hear.

In every lifetime, in every way, in every universe and in every season. Love is stronger than death. 

February/16/2024

~Masterpost

Please let me know your thoughts in the comments, darlings!

**I do NOT give my consent for this or any of my works to be posted or translated into any other platforms or languages. 

[asaka-lucy-dr-rc]

RAIN CODE Fan Meeting Report ①

Around the first reading play of the daytime program.

This is part 1 of a series of a highlight of the fan meeting event that took place in Tokyo on March 17, 2024. There were so many interesting parts that I am not sure how many parts I will finish, but I think I will post at least two more. ⚠️This is a long post! Please read this only if you have the time.

Before the show begins:

When the show started, Yuma's voice called out to the audience, but I thought it was just a recorded voice playing, so I listened quietly. Then he hesitantly shouted "H-Hello!" again, and I finally realized that I had to answer him. (Sorry I didn't notice sooner, Yuma!) I answered out loud, but there were quite a few people clapping back. (JP fans are a little too shy XD)

Then, after the lights went dark, Katsumi Fukuhara, the VA of Yuma, and Sayumi Suzushiro, the VA of Shinigami, appeared on the stage.

A reenactment of the scene where Yuma first meets Shinigami on the Amaterasu Express began. The first part must have been almost exactly the same as the dialog in the game: Shinigami waking up Yuma, Yuma learning that he is an amnesiac, Shinigami identifying himself, and so on.

There was a scene in which Shinigami got upset with Yuma because he did not call her name properly. (I don't know how it is translated in the English version of RAIN CODE, but Shinigami gets upset when Yuma doesn't call her “Shinigami-chan”.)

Yuma tried to cheer up Shinigami's mood, but it doesn't work out. Then Shinigami suggested:

Here, the audience side brightens up and Shinigami said, "See how many there are!".  Yuma noticed the audience, then said “Oh, hi!” and waved to the audience, a little hesitantly.

(Actually the people on the stage are the VAs, but for clarity I have replaced them with characters.) Many in the audience waved back, but there were a few who clapped back at this scene as well. (JP fans tend to clap anyway. XD)

Yuma then asked the audience for help. (Sorry, the art above and the art below are not properly connected, because my memory is pretty fuzzy on what happened between them!)

I don't remember exactly why Shinigami's line in that part got that way, but I'm pretty sure she was telling the audience, "I haunt you guys perfectly! (バッチリみんなに憑いてるよ！)". (Her lines are hard to translate! 😅 You might think it's a weird translation, but it's a weird line originally, so I hope you can guess what it is).

After that, there was a little exchange, and then Yuma exclaimed: "We're in the washroom of car number 1…, no, we're in Hikousen Theater!!!" (Hikousen Theater is the actual venue where the event took place). The performance ended when Yuma realized that he had actually fainted in the waiting room of the Hikousen Theater and called for the MC. (I'm not sure why the location was changed when it said the Amaterasu Express on the screen, but I guess it was done to make it easier for the audience to understand that the exchange was the same as the one in the Amaterasu Express in the game).

Then the MC appeared and the VAs introduced themselves. When it was Sayumi Suzushiro’s turn, she asked the audience to say “kawaii (cute)” while performing Shinigami's voice. And again, the audience calls out as they did earlier:

Both Katsumi Fukuhara and Sayumi Suzushiro performed perfectly, and I was very impressed that they spoke exactly the same as the characters in the game! I don't know how much they practiced, but it was really nice to see their performance in real time!

Next:

[gordonradiotv]

A (Long Overdue) Celebration

Ah, hello, Readers!

It's Jox again! Some of you probably knew me as "Toony" back in the day, but it's been a looong while since I used that name. And it's been a long while since this blog ended!

On May 23rd, 2020 I started this little ask blog not expecting it to become much. But because of all of you, it blew up into something absolutely incredible! I wish I had the words to describe how this blog changed my life. I met my fiance because of this blog. I met lifelong friends. I gained the confidence to pursue independent passion projects like my webcomic Tip The Ferrymen and others. It's kinda insane to think a tumblr ask blog based on the haha funny HL youtube series would've had such an impact on my life.

So, I wanted to do something to celebrate the blogs 4 anniversary! Unfortunately we are a bit late to the mark due to some wild stuff that happened earlier this year, but better late than never! But finally it is done and finally Tumblr let me actually upload these lmfao. Without further ado, I want to announce:

GordonRadioTV's Soundtrack has been FULLY remastered!

With help from my lovely creative partner and fiance @stygiuscantus , the soundtrack for this blog has been fully remastered! Now, you can experience the whole story again with a fresh coat of paint. The tracks are also available on Selene's bandcamp, they're "pay what you want" as well! If you want to support Selene's work, here's a good place to do it!

I am also aware that some of you may be disappointed that the old tracks are gone, but for extremely private reasons that I will not be disclosing I no longer feel comfortable having those tracks up on this blog. To me, this is a fresh start to a project I hold dear to my heart and allows me to experience it all over again. I have loved every moment of working with Selene and she has put so much heart and effort into this, so cheers to new beginnings!

Selene herself also wanted to say a few words, which are included here:

"Four years ago, a friend of mine linked a little blog called GordonRadioTV in one of our Discord servers. Being fixated on HLVRAI at the time, I quickly checked it out, only for it to genuinely, actually make me laugh. I think I read all of the chapters up to that point (up to 3, I think?) in one go, because it was such a novel storytelling medium to me, and I was immediately enraptured. Little did I know that this little funny Half-Life blog would quite literally change my life, introducing me to new friends, inspiring me to experiment with my own art forms, and helped me find the love of my life, to whom I now life with together and am engaged to. Whenever Jox needed a new composer, I jumped in to help on short-notice, giving myself a brief crash-course on music theory to do so. I started this project months ago in the hopes that I would get it done in time for the anniversary, but, well, making 20 tracks takes a long time. I tried to put a lot of thought and love into each track, with each character having their own instrumental motif, and even some melodic motifs (namely for Gordon and Benrey). I truly hope that all of you like it; I am honored to be a part of the legacy of something that's so important to me."

-Selene Highchurch

Thank you all for everything. I have said it a million times, and I wish I had a new way to phrase it, but this blog means so much to me. This project means so much. Your support means so much to me. These stories are mine as much as they are yours, so much of this story wouldn't have existed without your participation. Thank you for being here. Thank you for playing.

And to alter the words of a certain scientist...

You've changed my life, everyone. I'd like to think it was for the better.

I don't know whats going to happen to us once this blog is done for good, but I know I'll never forget you. I hope you won't forget me.

Well...This is where I get off.

Goodbye, Readers!

[stormblessed-s]

i'm rewatching Supernatural for the first time and the nostalgia is hitting hard.

I started watching this series back in 2008, when I was fourteen, and watching it all over again is giving me so many feelings. Jensen and Jared looked so young when the show started, it's crazy.

I'm still halfway into season one, still have a looong way ahead, but so far it's been great. I'd forgotten how simple the story was at the beginning.

[lore-of-the-mushroom-kingdom]

Miyamoto Banned Mario Using The Peace Sign Because He Thought It Was Too Kiddie

So in an interview that can be found Nintendo World New called Shigeru Miyamoto Speaks: An Interview Between Itoi and Miyamoto from 1999. In this interview it's revealed that there's been a ban on Mario using the peace sign. This is why in Super Mario 64 DS Mario can be seen making it, but in later games like Super Mario 64 DS Mario does not make it at all.

So in this interview Miyamoto reveals that the reason he put a ban on it is because he believed it would make Mario seem too kiddie. and he didn't like people thinking Mario was just for kids. "First off - that he doesn't give the peace sign. Also that he isn't always smiling and laughing too much for no good reason. About that 'peace sign ban,' that’s something I've been saying for a looong time. (Laughs) Our Tezuka-san, he likes that so he's put it in the games from the beginning, but in the later games it's permeated too much - to the point where when you think Mario you think that, 'He's the guy that gives the peace sign for his winning pose.' So I'm saying now, let's get rid of that sooner rather than later.

Well, and part of the source of that is that Nintendo is generally said to be 'kiddie.' But even if that's a promise we want to keep to our audience, I don't think it means at all that making Mario do the peace sign is going to bring in the kids. I dunno, maybe the company being in Kyoto is another detriment."

In addition, in this very interview Miyamoto talks about how he envisioned Mario, and his thoughts about Mario being a kids thing. "I created Mario when I was 27 years old. At that point in time he was in no way something that I would feel embarrassed about - I mean, he was already this older guy, like your uncle or something! (Laughs) It was meant to be the kind of game that 18 year old guys would be able to play together and enjoy, so I felt this disconnect when he started being forced into this more elementary school focused, narrowed role. If, for instance, you're talking about Yoshi in a product like Yoshi's Story, it makes sense to narrow the target age group for that, and I think that's fine, but for me, I felt like Mario was something a bit different. So I feel like I want to bring it back to that point, that I don't want to limit the age group of the game from our end."

This interview explains many things, and is also something I like. It has become a very common notion amongst people that the Mario Tales is just a kids thing, just the funny wahoo man jumping around rescuing a Princess from a turtle. Often being considered by many people on not having lore or any actual story to tell, and if it does have a story then it's basic. People often compare Mario's story to the story and lore of the Zelda games or Sonic Games. With the only time people treating the Mario Tales like they have any lore is in hypotheses of what if Mario is the bad guy.

But on the other side you have people who acknowledge the lore and deeper aspects of the Mario world as seen in the RPG games, but completely disconnect them from the Canon of the Mario Tales. Or in the case of Paper Mario they place the blame on the Paper Mario series shift on Miyamoto. When in reality it was solely Intelligent Systems, and Miyamoto told Intelligent Systems the gameplay of Sticker Star wasn't fun and that they should change it. Or when people simply claim Miyamoto hates story when he says he puts gameplay before story, ignoring what he means by that as they misusing what Yoshiaki Koizumi said.

This interview shows people's beliefs about the Mario Tales and Miyamoto are just wrong. In addition this explains all the various mature and dark themes that show up throughout the series, the kind of thing that makes people say "they put this in a kids game?"

[xion92]

TMMN: Masaya/Ichigo relationship analysis, episode 13

And after 6 and half months, I’m ready to continue TMM couple relationship analysis! This episode is full of things, so it will be a looong post.

Let's start with the opening. Masaya and Ichigo have a single scene, but what a scene! Cat Ichigo is running away from the fat cat and finds safeness in Masaya's arms, with a kiss she returns to normal, with a nice elegant dress on, and while he holds her in his arms like a bride they exchange a happy expression (I suppose it’s a metaphor for Masaya who saves her and protects her from danger). It is the first time in New that I see Masaya so happy. I'm sure S2 will give us a lot of stuff!

The very first scene depicts Ichigo crying. But be careful, not that she just cries, it seems to be a very specific scene, only that being blurred you don't understand what it represents. It’s obviously one of the nightmares that Masaya is beginning to have. In the manga they started much later and didn’t herald a specific scene, instead they heralded that he would be the cause of her suffering. Obviously at this point Masaya can't know it, and I think this is one of the various reasons that trigger his transformation into the Blue Knight.

This is the face I had the morning after episode 13, after not sleeping a wink from brooding all night. 🤣

Masaya dear... never ever wonder what Ichigo is doing, trust me, lol

Yes, we understand that they insert foreshadowing all the time, I’m sure this recalls the fact that Masaya from lover will become the enemy and he and Ichigo will have to fight each other.

So, the first part of the episode focuses about ichisaya relationship, one week after their confession. This is only the point of start, it’ll surely evolve from here throught the series. Here is a nice change that we already see in Masaya: contrary to what happened in S1, he is no longer ashamed to confirm his bond with Ichigo, and goes straight to her friends to make them understand the news (indiscretions say that in the next episode he will even with the other girls). Sure he's still shy, they've been together for a very short time. But I'm sure he'll unlock as the series progresses. Masaya is a character who has no leaps in characterization, but proceeds slowly and steadily. This, of course, unlike the old series, where this poor man was treated only as a plot twist, and not as a real character. In that series, he and Ichigo remained quite distant, sometimes they didn't even seem engaged, while I have the impression that with New things will be very different.

Girls... even in ep 7 he called her by name in front of you. Have you forgotten?

And here is a scene that overturns, in a certain sense, the first episode of the series, although I will be cautious in this part of the analysis, because a report from a Japanese fan seems to confirm that this part will be explained better in the next episode. So what does Masaya say here? As with S1, watch out for subtitles! When there is any doubt about the actual characterization of a character, the first thing is not to trust the subtitles. And in fact… even here they are wrong! Masaya here doesn't say at all that he fell in love with her on that occasion. First he says she's been on his mind since he first saw her, because he'd seen her "smiling so happy." Then he says "mitore chattanda", which means "I was fascinated". Fascinated, but he absolutely didn't fall in love, in the truest sense of the word, that time. And even the fact that he is impressed by Ichigo's character does not lead to an infatuation like Ichigo's when he saw him. Masaya is only slightly blushed, certainly not like Ichigo. So we understand that he was just captured by a detail of Ichigo, the first that he noticed, and this has remained impressed in his mind. So from this flashback we understand a few things.

First, ep1 was NOT Ichigo's first day of school, but she had started high school for at least a few days. Second, he noticed her even before she noticed him. Third, both have a parallel and a contrast. Both are captured by something about each other the first time they see each other. Except that Ichigo, who is a normal person, is fascinated by his appearance and by his "winning genes", to put it in reproductive terms. Masaya is not captured by her appearance, but by a trait of her personality that strikes him, as it is something that he lacks at that point in the story, her cheerfulness and her happiness. This is a very different flashback from a similar scene in episode 39 of the old series, where he said, superficially, the same thing. There he said that he simply noticed her, and that's not good for Masaya's character. He is captured for the first time by something emotional, which must be specified. Without specification one might think that the first thing he noticed was that she was pretty, and this would go against his character. He first notices and is impressed by personality and character, then, if these "pass the test", by the appearance, which comes later. Obviously he couldn't know then that he was captured by her, he only understands it later, when he realizes he loves her and is able to reconstruct in retrospect how he started to like her.

It must be said that, when in episode 1 the two of them collide and talk, it doesn't actually seem that Masaya has ever seen her before. But let's remember that it is Masaya we are talking about. When he first saw her, he probably didn't even mentally realize that he was fascinated by her. So, partly because of this, partly because he is used to behaving in a kind and detached way with everyone, he went back to behaving as usual even with her, until he… saw the ticket. This is a scene that can be re-interpreted. Without episode 13, one might think he was just happy with the subject matter of the show. But by episode 13, his thought, obviously unconscious, may have been this: "The girl that fascinated me has the same interests as me!" And in fact it is only at this point that he, in the first episode, lets himself go a little more with her, and he seems really interested in her, as well as in the exhibition itself. I'd say it all adds up. And also, maybe in the next episode we will know something more about it…

Just excuse me...

...they’re gourgeous! Notice how in this episode, now they stay together (yeah, I say that because in my language we say “stay together” to mean two people are boyfriend and girlfriend 😁) they have often the same expressions. It’s another hint or their deep bond.

How cute in this scene, walking side by side to get home, clearly happy but still embarrassed and still not bold enough to holding hands. They are still awkward, like two real fifteen year olds in their first (and only, in their case) love experience.

Here we can see that when Masaya talks to her about volunteering at the aquarium, she is fascinated by it. I've already said it: in my opinion these two will end up working together on these issues.

He’s adorable, period. Like her, he’s ashamed to say she's his girlfriend. However, unlike episode 9, he easily manages to invite her this time. It's even little things like this that show his progression. And besides of that, I don’t think the employees asked him first to bring his girlfriend. I mean, how could they know he has a girlfriend only a week after their “getting together”? To me, it’s clear that Masaya asked them first if he could bring his girlfriend, and they answered yes. He’s only too embarassed to admit it 💙

And here THE SCENE starts: poor Masaya, his faces clearly show he’s thinking to be ended in a house full of crazy people!

Here he’s thinking “that time, when Ichigo invited me to the museum, I should have invented another commitment”. 🤣

However I really like that after his initial shock, he quickly recovered and introduced to her father, holding his gaze, and Shintarou accepts him almost immediately. Basically they represented in a few minutes scene a concept that in the old series took a whole episode!

Here Masaya has just realized that Sunday lunches, from here until his death, he will have to spend with them. Amazing how he has to hold back not to laugh. How can you not laugh in such a situation? 🤣

More mirroring expressions 💙💖

Later, it’s so good to see them doing normal teenage couple things: the little goodnight chat! Of course, for Masaya it must be unusual to see such an spontaneous family, when his is practically absent.

Oh, and Ichigo was fast to buy a new cellphone, huh?

Another mirroring expression. They’re adorable.

So, here we have a scene where he gets through his 2 different sides: his happiness, because he’s with his girl, in a place he loves, doing with her a thing they both love and they’re passionate about, but then he becomes sad, like in ep1, and says this.

I must admit that this scene is not very clear to me. Is it Deep Blue speaking through him? Or rather, does Masaya's personality come into contact with his and says between the lines that the planet belongs to aliens and not to man? On the other hand, it is a sentence in accordance with what Quiche will say later. I'd love to read the opinions of other fans!

And here something happens that I really wanted to see again: the concept of the first episode is resumed, in which Ichigo wonders why Masaya sometimes seems so sad. It is actually a theme that had not been touched upon since the first episode, it had to be resumed. Probably, clumsy as she is still with him, she is ashamed to ask him. She doesn't even have the courage to hold his hand, she certainly can't go and ask him something so intimate and personal. But over time she will understand for herself the reason for these occasional moods.

At this point, the plot arrives to bother, Masaya and Ichigo get separated, and Masaya begins to go into severe stress over losing her.

Ehm, she WAS having a fun time, before you arrived 😂

And here Ichigo does something he should never have done. Something for which I had written a post praising her, precisely because she had kept silent so far. But now… she clearly tells Quiche her boyfriend's name. Girl, have you lost your mind?? You are dealing with a dangerous madman, psychopath, armed and obsessed with you. And you, instead of keeping quiet, are you going to tell him that you're in love with someone else, a normal guy who can't defend himself? Now you think Quiche won't go looking for him? Congratulations for being so clever… And in fact…

...dear Ichigo, what did you hope to obtain by telling him so? (btw, wrong subtitles again. Quiche just says he gets in the way).

However, I really appreciated that Ichigo decides to transform when Quiche threatens Masaya, and, despite her being the first to be in danger, always thinks of him, and when the Mew Mews arrive, the first thing she does is ask them about him.

I adored this scene, it’s another introspection that wasn’t in the manga. Masaya really gets frustrated because he wants to find Ichigo, but he can't because he is blocked by the crowd. The Mew Mews arrive and, having superpowers, jump over the crowd and reach her, while he is forced to stand there, powerless. It is precisely the last straw, which triggers the transformation.

We arrive to the Blue Knight scene, which has been changed a bit from the manga, as usual for the better.

1. Ichigo manages to defeat the monster by herself, it is the recoil that makes her fall from the building; however I don't understand why falling from a height would be a problem for her… can't she just turn around and land on her feet?

2. The BK has long pants, and a pink ribbon clearly placed there to call Ichigo; as a hint to his true identity there is also the structure of his hair; the tufts on his head and forehead are exactly those of Masaya, no other character has those particular tufts;

3. The BK doesn't kiss Ichigo on her chest, so Ichigo doesn't feel that he is cold, and he doesn't tell her that stupid sentence that Ryo had told her, which had nothing to do with BK and Masaya’s personality;

4. And there's a reason for that: viewers immediately learn that the BK isn't Ryo, or even Kei, although tant doesn’t mean Ichigo won't suspect it. Actually the series, by showing us the previous scene of Masaya (which Ichigo didn't see) and not showing him during the BK scene, immediately makes it clear to the viewers that he is the BK. Whether or not the characters will have this dilemma remains to be seen;

5. The BK doesn't put Ichigo down before attacking Quiche, but hits him with her in his arms, thus with a weight that slows him down and having to do without a hand. What a great warrior! And speaking of that, is the BK so skilled with a sword because Masaya is skilled at kendo, or is Masaya so skilled at kendo precisely because he was created by a god who uses a sword as a weapon? Hmmm…

6. While Quiche loses his mind, the BK, very imperturbable, doesn't even turn his head, but casts his eye backwards just as if to say "you're really nothing". He really took his revenge from episode 9!

7. Thank God (actually, to the authors) there is no scene where Ichigo looks at the point where Quiche disappears saying his name, and the BK hugs her from behind to get her attention. In New Ichigo absolutely doesn't care about Quiche, her attentions are instead all for the BK, as it should be.

8. Did you notice this? In ep 3, he says to her, basically, “you’re mine”. 10 episodes later, “I’m yours”. 💙

9. The kiss he gives her on her forehead is so sweet! It's really a transformation dragged by his feelings. Even in his unconscious, Masaya can't help but show his love for her, always in a delicate and respectful way. It's a very different forehead kiss than the one Quiche gave her last episode.

Masaya, sweetheart, who never stops looking for her. Of course, because contrary to episode 9 in which he only waited for her calmly, having seen that the monsters had been killed and therefore she was safe, here he has no confirmation even if he saw the other Mew Mews arriving, therefore he continues his research until he has confirmation that Ichigo is okay.

What a beautiful hug they give each other, him keeping his chin on her head as a sign of protection and care. I love how they are so spontaneous in their interactions, even though they are still shy. In the manga, when they found each other it was only him who embraced her, here instead they literally rush into each other's arms.

But isn't something missing? Well, the whole manga scene where Masaya interacts with Mew Ichigo. But I noticed that in the anime they redistributing the various events to not rush everything, so I'm sure this scene will be reinserted later, in a different context.

And that was ONLY ep 13. Ichisaya fans, be prepared, because we’ll get fat, very fat, with this season!

[cladestruction]

PART I of my super long aotd thoughts (and prayers) commentary/analysis extravanganza🤪

warning: spoilers. repetition of words/expressions hehe. badly written (english is not my first language lol). looong text. biased opinions because this is my blog and i get to do with it as i please.

Press conference and failed plan: i love how there’s practically no time jump in the beginning, i find it both dynamic and realistic. as the world’s most famous band/people, they’re always right at the center of attention, even more after such major events like the ones in dsr, so the press conference is great: is sudden and painful to watch, it’s awkward as the boys try to answer the clearly triggering questions in their usual laid-back, disinterested manner, and barely succeed in doing so. also, this scene establishes three elements that i’m so grateful for: 1. Toki is safe with them again but still visibly fucked up, 2. the boys Don’t Remember what happened after they found Toki (the dethlights and stuff), 3. Nathan is the exception, he remembers but doesn’t quite understand wtf happened, and it haunts him. i love how Magnus is talked about in this movie and this scene, the public and the press don’t have much information about him and the band (i guess?) so calling it a tragedy is practically the easiest way to label it, but the reality is waaay deeper, and the fact that this comes back later on? i love it. i also like that the band’s plan announcement shows exactly what i wanted personally: how much Charles' guidance is missing. the boys are erratic and messy, and considering their actual behavior throughout the show it’s actually very rational for stars like them to want to jump right into action. bc it’s their job, their passion, and there’s pressure on them to do something: either talk about what happened, acknowledge their trauma and heal, or get to work and give people music so they can shut up and stop asking questions the boys are not prepared to answer. the tour fails before it begins and it’s great. the fact that Nathan only gets exhausted right after announcing they were back and ready to kick ass adds so much weight and drama, i love it. here we get a beautiful, stunning, amazing sequence with great voiceover and visuals. 10/10 i love the black/white/red sequence with Nathan’s silhouette falling and falling and a bunch of menacing shadows haunting him while the deththeme plays on the background. Masterpiece me thinks.

Crozier: the voiceover is AMAZING (i always loved his voice tbh). Crozier was kind of an annoying character to me throughout the series. he’s the typical american military authority and i’m not a fan, but i have to say i was very excited to see him get more depth in just one scene! i couldn’t help but feel for the guy as he failed to deliver what could’ve been his last words. it feels desolating to see him once again be left in the hands of these mysterious and shady people who are constantly preying on him. this sequence also gives much insight to the Tribunal, which is great to make the audience feel more on edge with their plan and see Salacia as a threat. the song of salvation is mentioned, the metalocalypse, Charles and the Army of the Doomstar. it’s great exposition without taking too much screen time. big fan of scenes like that.

The Church: what can i say, i love the (found) family dynamic. it’s always been there on the show, but this movie really took it to a whole new level and i’m living for it. Ishnifus’ funeral is a great detail. my man did nothing wrong in his short appearance on the finale of the show+dsr, and as a high priest, it feels only right to remember him and pay respects even if it’s for such a short scene. moving on, Toki with headphones is so important to me. he seems a bit recovered but it’s obvious something changed in the band’s behavior toward him. it seems it’s already normal for them to look out for the youngest and tend to him without as many reservations as they once would’ve shown, at least Pickles looks very used to it, even if it’s also clearly a lot of responsibility and he most likely has to deal with by himself (Murderface doesn’t really help and Skwisgaar is very cold and kept to himself. even if he complies with Pickles’ orders, he seems painfully closed off, and Nathan might actually be of help when present, considering Toki wanting to go to the bathroom with him and hinting that this is something they do now. but Nathan is not very present so yup, that’s that). moving on, Charles is…different. he was always calculated and cold but i kinda feel bad for Pickles (and Nathan later on) when they talk to him. Charles uses very mystical(?) language now and talks to the boys in a mysterious and ominous tone, it feels very impersonal, but it’s so good story-wise that i just can’t complain. Pickles’ reaction to Charles telling him that his role in saving the world is just: to be a friend to Nathan is AMAZING. Pickles is clearly nervous and expectant (it’s the end of the world, after all) but then he just asks “that’s all?” and it’s literally the BEST thing he could’ve said. he already IS a friend to Nathan, he has been so for years, even when things had already gotten ugly, so what more should he do? is it not enough? would he even be able to be such a good friend to Nathan if the frontman is being so closed off? the honesty in Pickles’ doubt is great and i love him so so much. moving on, that Edgar exchange with a very dozed-up Nathan almost made me cry. Edgar’s face when Nathan brushes him off is ugh, my heart hurt so so bad for him :( i’m sooo happy this wasn’t his last appearance and final interaction with Nathan. moving on, Nathan and Charles speak and it’s pure exposition, but i like it bc, again, is made clear and dynamic. i reiterate my point about Charles being too ominous-y (?) in his way of talking, making an already exhausted Nathan even more tired and overwhelmed. it feels even a bit out of touch and cruel of Charles to do this but, again, it fits just perfectly in the narrative so i like it.

The fucking PROPOSAL!!!: oh god, ok. i love Abigail, believe me. i remember being so desperate to see a female character appear on the show for more than 1 episode and not be killed off immediately that i screamed when Abigail came around. seeing her again in this movie, alive and well and receiving help really augmented my lifespan. that said, i am happy this is The Abigail Scene of the movie. she’s shown strong, confident, and most importantly, wise. she couldn’t say yes to Nathan, that’d be absurd, but she declined very elegantly. and though Nathan was already going through a lot, she was clear, direct and honest, while expressing respect towards him as a man and towards his feelings for her (though confused and not very well-founded, were honest). she wasn’t cruel but she also didn’t sugarcoat the stuff that Nathan Needed to hear. especially considering how he was acting, how uncharacteristic and weird he was behaving. and no, i won’t say “oh Nathan Explosion would NEVER get on his knees and beg” bc we all know that’s not true lol, but it was very erratic behavior, desperate and needy for all the wrong reasons, and please let’s again remember how much xanax/red wine/coffee this man had on his system !!! and oh, don’t even get me started on how important it was for Abigail to clear up how her kissing Nathan at the end of dsr was an act of shock and thrill of what they just went through. they barely knew each other but Nathan still went and saved her, and while Nathan was just out of all the fucked up shit that happened in dsr‘s last act, she kissed him. they almost dies, and in such extreme conditions they did what they did and that’s ok. but to think there would be more after that was, well, kind of an illusion. and that’s sad but true. in summary, Abigail is a queen and i love her with my whole heart and lungs. if you ask me, i’d love to have seen her more and i actually think her and Nathan could’ve worked out if things were different, or maybe they could be great friends. but for the short scene she got, i think she was great. Nathan breaking up with the fans right after is such a good scene too. he’s lashing out and it makes perfect sense for him to do so. and tbh i will go and say it: he wasn’t wrong in what he said. yes the fans are always there to support the band (i’ll talk more about this in the ending) but they also are constantly setting expectations. the fact that they’ll go and celebrate 99.5% of whatever the band does, the constant fear of losing them is still there, and for Nathan it’s infuriating bc it might get difficult for him to believe that these people will love everything he does, especially bc he, in this moment of his life, doesn’t feel loved.

last part of the church scene: Rockzo. i’m glad his scene was short, i dislike him and don’t enjoy him at all, but i will admit that after witnessing such a painful heartbreak/horrendous proposal, hearing Rockzo start singing Amazing Grace made me laugh very hard. great comedic timing, i liked it.

Dethklok tries to cheer up Nathan: i talked about this before, when they released the teaser clip and all. when i saw that with no context i did feel like Pickles was acting especially concerned toward Nathan here, and he even sounded a bit needy. now that i know it’s because of what Charles told him, it makes so much sense. he feels almost obliged to support and even comfort Nathan in ways that he hadn’t done before, but of course it is! the world is at stake! he is trying his best and he even goes against what he thinks, shown by how he actually doesn't appreciate Nathan treating them like crap and calling them “fuckbags” and “jackshit”. i love how those little details build up tension between them.

[thewaywardcasgirl]

ok after the initial shock of 'tf did i just read?!🙃' I'm ready to offer my two cents on Big Dragon the novel

SPOILERS AHEAD (I'm on phone and don't know how to add a cut)

[it's a short novel and the extras (if any) are not available in english so it feels pretty rushed in the middle, the translation is bad so please bare with me]

it's a wattpad novel alright, the sex is constant and overwhelming, like it's a live character, it makes as many appearances as the two leads, literally every encounter they have post the video taping scene ends up in Dragon (Mungkorn) (hate?)fucking Big(Yai) senseless for hours on end (ok i know og novels of bls are badddd to begin with so credit to production team for wringing something anything palatable out of this hot mess)

these two have a violent history going back to freshman year, this part is pretty much glossed over in the series so far, (but they talk about it at the end of the novel so let's see) they have beaten the crap out of each other on several occasions before the fateful night

later they have some revelations through jealousy and half assef communication, and start (?) dating, but it's too anticlimactic as they're practically living together even before they realise they actually love eachother and Big announces this to his father* and officially moves in with Dragon, Dragon is dragging Big to mostly his own occasionally Bigs apt to fuck him raw every time Big does something out of anger or jealousy, they don't talk and resolve their issues they just fuck and move on to the next issue, rinse and repeat for a looong time

*yes the Big's father is a good father, a lovable goof and loves his son to no end, at least that parts pretty good i like this version of fathers

the bodyguards are pretty much bg characters and their relationship with their masters isn't as fleshed out as in the series but it's hinted so ok

the sister is mentioned once and there's no sign of a previous or new mother in Big's life,

they both have a string of ex female lovers and neither go exclusive for each other from the get go, they still try to date other women but Dragon doesn't get jealous until a man is involved with Big, Big on the other hand is jealous of anyone within a 2meter radius of Dragon

phi Da ain't his dominatrix, i was disappointed but again hat's off to the production team!

now the big engagement or should I say the non engagement, we get so lil of the lesbian couple! urgh! the girls simply run away to England with Dragon's help and Big finds out as they're about to leave, so it's a pretty short lived heartbreak that leads to their mutual confessions, it's a pretty much non existent plot

dragon's parents are never mentioned again

And now for the faen fatale the episode 11 material the big shabang the short lived breakup is caused by *drumrolls please* an mpreg scare!

yes you read that right and ohhh boyyy if they keep this in the show!! we're IN for a ride mates, like it's not funny, they never once laugh about it, it's real, real pain real emotions flying everywhichway, real heartbreak over mutual misunderstanding and lot of confusion,

like i said, A+ episode 11 material!! totally cursed 👌

Big in his streak of jealousy and being cut off from Dragon's lil dragon for too long drinks a "scientific potion" he got at a rave that it's inventor claimed can make men pregnant (worth mentioning - everytime Dragon ignores him for work for days on end, he does some stupid shit, he's a total bitchass princess about it, and ends up getting fucked raw, everytime)

now several months later, after the post engagement reconciliation, Big starts throwing up left and right and can't stand stinky food like fish, he thinks he's pregnant (enter the entire video of I'm pregnant you're not pregnant here coz that's what happened) again through miscommunication Big thinks despite Dragon wanting kids he just doesn't want one with him and wants him to abort it,

so Daddy's lil princess runs back home full dumped preggers mode and his father's just like 🤷 ok I'll take care of my grandchild that bf of yours can go fuck himself! while Dragon is actually concerned for his bf's life coz how the hell he gon deliver the babee?? (their himbo brains just *chef's kiss*) there's some mention of uterus but the translation is so bad i can't make head or tale of that part,

they finally talk and understand each other(?), a night of ceaseless pounding ensues, next day Dragon makes a doctor's appointment and the doc tells them flat no preggers here, they come back home and bawl their eyes out in eachother's arms, well Big more than Dragon, Dragon's just happy his bfs (ass) gon be safe, Big is disappointed he won't get to use the baby names he picked out (yes he did that)

and just like that they move back togather and continue to fuck till the end of times

(there's some talk about future kids and more dumbassery from Big about him not being able to get pregnant but that's to be expected after Dragon having fucked his brains out for over a year now)

for the finale Big takes Dragon back to the renovated club so they can "make some new good memories in the old place" where it all started,

and it ends as it started, with a big bang fest at the same suit (now renovated) two perfectly fucked up bookends to a perfectly fucked up story (affectionate)

*bows in you're welcome*

[sweetcarrotsandroses97]

~ The Meeting Of Minds | pilot | JJK

Pairing: doctor! Jungkook x doctor! fem! Reader

Summary: You start working at Hanyang University Teaching Hospital as the new member of the diagnostician team under the watchful eyes of the arrogant Doctor Jeon Jungkook. You'll have to stick around to find out Doctor Jungkook's true nature and perhaps figure him out. If you didn’t grow to hate him first, that is.

Warnings: doctor! AU, grumpy x sunshine! AU, SLOWBURN sarcasm, dark humor (it will get darker), mentions of sickness, mentions of treatments, Jungkook is an ass, cussing (like once), oc is described to be shorter than Koo, oc wears perfume, mentions of food, this is a light chapter tbh, (let me know if I missed anything!)

Word Count: 2.1k words

A/N: Hello, everyone! Welcome to the pilot of my new series! I hope you are excited about this new project of mine. This will be a looong series to begin with, filled with long chapters and lots of dark humour. löl

This was inspired by the American series "Dr. House" as I recently started to watch it (again) and well, this came out. I really hope you will enjoy it and will look forward to more of our medical duo!

☕Caffeinate me so I can keep on writing! ☕

The soft tick tack of the clock on the wall was the only thing that could be heard in the spacious office among the dry sound of someone playing with a yoyo. The lights were off, people walked outside of the hall, not paying attention to the eccentric doctor who waited to clock out of work as soon as it was five sharp.

The door to his office opened and a loud sigh was heard before the sweet voice of the man at the door spoke.

"Dr. Jeon, Seokjin wants to see you."

With an abrupt movement, Jungkook caught the yoyo before he stood up with lethargic movements, already dreading to meet his boss and Dean of Medicine of the hospital he worked at.

"What now? Is he going to pester me again about the clinic?"

Taehyung, the man at the door and a kind nurse at Hanyang University Teaching Hospital shrugged as he pressed his lips in a thin line. The doctor sighed, making his way out of the office without another word.

While walking through the corridors, he felt the eyes of the staff on him. How they somehow felt intimidated by his emotionless aura. Jungkook didn't care. He has never cared to begin with. But he wasn't going to deny it came to be uncomfortable from time to time. And all because of what? Because he didn't like visiting his patients? What a crappy excuse to hide their distaste.

"What do you want, Seokjin?"

Said Jungkook in an almost demanding voice as he entered the office of his superior. Seokjin sighed to himself, running a hand through his hair before he stood up.

"Have you ever heard about knocking?"

"Well, I have now. Thanks for the enlightening experience."

Seokjin rolled his eyes, already on edge at the attitude of the slightly younger doctor before him.

"You owe me your clinic hours."

Jungkook let out a deep breath, taking out his zippo lighter from his pant's pocket as he flipped the lid on and off, on and off and on and off again.

"Are you really going to lecture me right now? I have work to do, Seokjin."

The latter pursed his lips together, annoyance bubbled within him at the audacity Dr. Jeon had to speak that way to his very own superior and boss.

"Don't provoke me, Jeon. You'll do three hours a day and since you delayed it for two years, I'm adding an extra four years to compensate for the time lost."

Jungkook frowned, closing his lighter abruptly with a dry sound that resonated across the walls of the nearly empty office.

"I can always resign."

A smirk painted itself over Seokjin's plump lips as he gazed at the doctor in front of him with subtle arrogance over his dark eyes.

"I sign your paychecks and you signed a contract with this hospital. Besides, no-one would hire you. You are hideous to work with, Jeon."

Jungkook let out a groan, visibly irritated at how his day had turned into.

"If that was all you wanted to say, I'll be in my office questioning my entire existence."

Seokjin let out a soft chuckle, happy with himself at Jungkook's annoyance. Sometimes, the young doctor needed a taste of his own medicine.

"Dr. Jeon,"

He stopped at arms length from the glass door. Closing his eyes in utter exasperation before he turned around and glared at Seokjin.

"your immunologist has been selected. She'll be with you in an hour or two."

Jungkook frowned, putting his lighter back in his pocket as he took a step forward, never breaking eye contact.

"She?"

He lifted an eyebrow and Seokjin nodded, shoving his hands in his white coat as he elaborated further.

"Oh, yes. You'll love her. She's quite a darling, actually. Very professional too."

Jungkook rolled his eyes, turning around to exit the office for once as he mumbled under his breath a single sentence Seokjin was too far away to actually hear.

"We'll see."

And with that, his hand grabbed the metal handle and he opened the door, turning around abruptly to go back to his office and silently wait until it was five o'clock so that he could leave when he suddenly felt someone collide with him.

Jungkook let out a soft grunt at the impact before his hands automatically went to stabilise the person whose scent invaded his senses like a thick fog on a summer morning.

The smell of Miss Dior suffocated him as he looked down at the woman who blinked in confusion before she began apologising profusely.

"I am so sorry. I wasn't looking where I was going."

You looked up with wide eyes and slightly parted lips only to meet the intense gaze of a tall man with dark hair and doe eyes that were as cold as ice. His hands held your waist with a firm grip while your hands rested on his forearms.

"Obviously you weren't looking."

You gulped, taking a step back from him. Forcing his large hands to leave your form before you bent down and picked up the -luckily- still container of fresh salad as well as some papers you dropped when you collided with the handsome stranger.

"Again, I am deeply sorry for-"

But when you looked up, he was already gone. You caught a glimpse of him rounding a corner before he disappeared from your line of sight, leaving you to sigh to yourself as you stood up and entered Seokjin's office.

Wordlessly you walked over to the desk, head down as you placed the files and the food down.

"I see you have already met Dr. Jeon."

You looked up at the older male as your cheeks flushed a light shade of pink at his insinuation. He probably saw everything from the commodity of his office.

"That- that was Dr. Jeon?"

He chuckled at the surprise in your voice. Seokjin was well aware of the reputation Jungkook had in the hospital. It was actually one of the main reasons why he didn't fire him despite his bitter demeanour and ironic comments that balanced between sarcasm and rudeness. A line very thin he crossed more times than he could count.

"Don't worry about him! He'll love you."

You sent him a nervous smile, not actually knowing what to do with yourself as you were caught up in such an awkward situation.

"I bet he will."

Those words left your lips in a soft murmur, only meant for you to hear but, despite your efforts, they brought a smile to Seokjin's face.

"Where's Jeon?"

Doctor Min Yoongi asked with a tint of irritation in his normally calm voice while he spinned his pen between his fingers. Doctor Jimin cleared his throat, organising his papers before he commented in his soft voice to ease the tension that had suddenly risen in the office.

"Have you all heard of the new immunologist? Seokjin said she'll be joining us today. I heard she's beautiful."

At that last sentence, Yoongi sighed deeply while Hoseok, a doctor who worked in the ER, chuckled.

"You find every single woman beautiful, Jimin."

That latter rolled his eyes, a soft smile painting over his rosy and plump lips before the door opened and the attention fell over your figure. You held yourself with elegance yet sympathy in your movements.

"I'm sorry, is this the diagnostician team office? Dr. Seokjin left me in the middle of the corridor so that he could go and get one of those tuna sandwiches."

A tall man with hazelnut coloured hair and a charming heart-shaped smile approached you.

"Yes it is. Are you looking for someone?"

You nodded, mirroring his gentle smile as you spoke with confidence laced in your words.

"Yes. I'm Doctor Lee (y/n) and I am here to work on Doctor Jeon's team."

Hoseok turned around slowly and sent Jimin a surprised look before his attention was back on you.

"You are certainly in the right place, Doctor Lee. Let me introduce you to the team."

Jungkook walked toward the office where a meeting had started twenty minutes ago. His team was probably already there and waiting for him. With heavy yet quick steps, he travelled across the large hospital, navigating through its halls as if he lived there. In a way, he did. From nine to five that was his life.

When Jungkook entered the diagnostician team office, he smelled it again. That lovely perfume he had detected two hours ago when he was leaving Seokjin's office. Miss Dior. He recognised the perfume immediately and it only took him another second to look up to spot that woman from before now sitting next to Doctor Min.

"Where were you? The meeting started twenty minutes ago."

Asked Doctor Park as he fixed his glasses over the bridge of his nose. Jungkook sighed, walking over to the whiteboard they had in the room before he faced his team once more.

"Smoke break."

He simply stated. As if it were the most obvious thing in the world. To him it was, at least. You looked at Jimin in front of you, asking him silently if it would be a good opportunity to introduce yourself now to which he replied with a subtle nod and an almost invisible smile. You took a deep, silent breath in before you stood up.

"Good evening, Doctor Jeon. I'm Doctor Lee (y/n), I'm sure Seokjin told you about me. I am to work under you."

Jungkook turned to look at you. The rumours he had heard about the new immunologist were true for you were indeed rather beautiful. Not that he was going to point that out now but still...

"I know who you are. We met earlier today, remember?"

"I... uh-"

He narrowed his eyes at you, as if he were scrutinising you. Analysing you even. And something in his intense gaze made you shiver.

"Don't worry, Seokjin told me everything I need to know about you, Doctor Lee. Just do me a favour and do not keep bumping into people in the hospital, it can cause quite the drama sometimes."

Your cheeks flushed at his comment. So he did see you. He did remember. You didn't say anything further before sitting down on your chair.

"Doctor Jung, what do we have?"

Completely disregarding the last subject, Jungkook spoke with a monotonous voice. Making all eyes go to Hoseok who cleared his throat before saying.

"The antibiotics on the 401 patient are working accordingly and we are seeing progress on the damaged tissue. We believe he'll be discharged in five to seven days at most."

Silence stretched into the room.

"If that was all, you could have sent me a text."

Doctor Jeon spoke with bitterness before he began walking towards the entrance way.

"Where are you going?"

Asked Yoongi, the cardiologist sitting next to you. With all eyes on him, Jungkook opened the door and simply said.

"It's five o'clock."

And with that, he was out of the door before he walked down the hallway. Doctor Min let out a dry chuckle, picking up his notebook as he stood up.

"He took that long-ass "smoke break" only to cut this meeting short. Typical."

You looked around confused. This was certainly not the way you were used to work. Let alone call it your first experience in a new hospital. Yoongi and Hoseok left the office room, leaving you and Jimin alone as the latter put his glasses on their respective case before he stood up as well.

"Wait, what just happened?"

Jimin sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose before he gazed down at you with tender yet tired eyes.

"That's how he is. Trust me, you'll get used to his antics."

You blinked, still confused as to what just this so-called meeting was.

"I don't understand, Doctor Jeon seemed to know what he's doing."

Jimin let out a soft chuckle. Almost as if his laugh alone was a spoonful of honey.

"Oh, believe me, he does. How else do you think he had kept his job for so long?"

You nodded slowly at that before you, too began picking up your notebook and pocketed your phone. Jimin and you left the office in silence but you just couldn't stop thinking about the eccentric and almost rude doctor that was now your boss yet was as well incredibly handsome yet seemed to have swallowed the most bitter caramel there ever was.

You'll have to stick around to find out Doctor Jeon Jungkook's true nature and perhaps figure him out. If you didn’t grow to hate him first, that is.

☕Caffeinate me so I can keep on writing! ☕

February/25/2025

~Drabbles are open for this AU!

[geminipdf]

thank you Maurycy @maleblogger for tagging me 🌊 i love updating the unforgiving cybersphere with my day to day activities anyway here we go

Last song The glorious land by PJ Harvey

Favourite colour RED 🔺🟥🔴🧧🍎❤️❣️

Currently watching Rewatching "The Expanse" rn and im having a great time - this is a series that I began for the first time a looong time ago and it bored me, then two of my friends encouraged me to give it another try and i loved it :) I think it's one of my favourite shows right now it has 1) sci-fi shit 2) actual great female characters like im in love with every single woman in that show (well except for that pastor bc i dont respect her) 3) a lot of pretty interesting politics 4) beautiful cinematography !

Last film Little woods (2018) fell short imo and idk everyone is praising the performances but tbh i didn't like the way tessa thompson portrayed the character idk... it was an okay movie but i expected more

Currently reading: How much of these hills is gold by C Pam Zhang and i'm having a hard time with it tbh it's written with pretty heavy language, i don't know what's going on most of the time and i have to reread paragraphs to piece together what the characters are doing. the plot isn't very interesting too so i'll probably finish it just to get it over with eh

Sweet, spicy, or savory idk everything except spicy tbh

Relationship status single! in love tho :/ well kind of

Current obsession umm idk. resting and relaxing. obtaining plants for my new place

Last thing I googled:

because my boss already texted me twice during my leave and my bestie's gf was like call the PIP hotline that's illegal so i checked the phone number just in case (as a joke. but like im sick of my boss)

Currently working on: I should say my masters but um.....well....i've only written 8 pages so far and that was back in the beginning of september so it doesn't really count i gues.... other than that not much just my silly little life

tagging @mifunebooty @siobhan-roys @skurwisyn @globuspolski @ursulakleguin @chwdp999 @inloif @dwukwiat @nurten @nocylipcowa @lottieurl hi guys 💜💜

[thesillydoll]

GOS2 SPOILERS, theory(????

Another theory???

Crowley tells him that heaven and hell are toxic. I agree. Metatron, the voice of the vieja conchuda, played by derek jacobi, he is a tall gaslighter. He used Zira's kindness against him.

Zira loves humans. He convinced him that the world would be better and when there was no turning back, he told him that The Second Coming was on its way.

The second arrival of Cristo brings with it the destruction of the world and the beginning of revelations, and "the kingdom of god in the scriptures". The faithful will rise and join the survivors, and the rest will be damned.

Humans will live for another millennium in peace and then there will be another war (they liked wars).

This will be the true end, and there will be two eternities. I think Zira can handle this being God with Crowley. A kind of Lucifer(?) (The serie). Idk.

It's a looong way to finally the apocalypse. THEY HAVE ONE MORE MILLENNIUM TO BE RECONCILED.

The years of catechism serve for something. I am sure that there will be something in between, and that the Nazarene will be trans (like me). Hahaha don't judge me.

Without Adam, who the fuck is Jesus going to fight? Who knows, maybe Neil.

[tokiro07]

[Note: I've just learned that when you click on someone's reply to make a new post, it automatically saves it as a draft. This was supposed to have been posted days ago]

@shiro-s2e2-erukinzu replied to your post “10 days left until the Undead Unluck anime I'm...”:

@tokiro07 I was literally gonna bring up a similar thing like @italeteller about Spy X Family. When I joined Tumblr almost 2 years ago because of S×F, I was able to like and comment on all the posts about it, now I can't even keep up with everyone. I recently read all of UU & became a fan, so I'm excited to have more people apart of the fandom, but I also agree that it can be little sad seeing people who've been there from the start being drowned out by the newcomers...

What's interesting is that this is kind of a new experience for me in a way

When Medaka Box got its anime, it was pretty poorly received, so our close-knit fandom didn't really expand all that much, even though this phenomenon is more or less what we expected

On the opposite end of the spectrum, I found out that Horikoshi Kohei, one of my favorite authors, was going to be getting a new series about superheroes going to school, and I thought "great, no one's going to translate this one and it's going to get canceled before I ever even hear a peep about it..." and literally before I knew it, it had already exploded in popularity, with everyone on my dash at the time talking about it by chapter 12!

When was the last time you heard of a manga becoming explosively popular? The tag was unnavigable looong before the anime was even announced! I didn't even have time to know that there was a fandom before it had become too big for me to keep up with (though that didn't stop me from trying)

Demon Slayer, I didn't care enough about to keep up with the fandom, so while I'm sure there were voices who got drowned out once the anime hit, I wasn't there for it. Same for Jujutsu Kaisen

This could be the first time I'm going to be present for a series I love becoming big, and I'm going to be able to say "I was here from the beginning" in a capacity that doesn't involve me qualifying it with "but I didn't care until X happened." It's a novel experience, and one I'm not entirely sure I'm prepared for

[bookofmirth]

I recently read a comment where an El/riel said that Az could never end up with Gwyn just because she is an “irrelevant nobody”, while he in one of “the main and most important characters”. And they go on saying things like “she is unworthy of him”, “he deserves someone insanely great” and bla bla bla…

Beside the fact that the whole post sounded pretty, uhm… aggressive and anti-feminist I guess? It made me realise that maybe some people ship Elucien or El/riel because being Elain’s partner means… more “screen time”?

We know that the ACOTAR series follows the journey of the Archeron sisters, and the only one left is Elain, whose journey basically still have to begin and find a properly conclusion. So, it’s logically implied that, as Nesta’s book became a Nessian book, Elain’s one will also become her LI’s ones (but SJM looooves feminism, at least as Rhysand does ;) ).

Sincerely, I’m pretty sure that, deep down in our unconscious, this is the reason why we all stan a ship or another, and I know it’s kinda a cynical though and not so feminist, since it implies Elain being a sort of “prize” for more screen time and more fangirl internal screams (yeah, because we all are fangirl who just want more hot-fae material at the end ahahah).

The point is, if only we were a little more conscious of it, we could understand each other better and, in an idillic word, maybe stop writing insults each other for supporting a ship we don’t like. We are all on the same boat, thirsty for our best men in fictional books, so there’s no point on being mean or writing a poem about how a character sucks for this or that reason, especially if it could only hurt someone else who feels a strong connection with that character…

Sorry for this looong rant ahaha, but I really like your blog. In your post you’re always polite so I though you where the right one to share my cynical vision of the ship war with. 😊

Hello! Just to be clear, the main reason I am posting this is because you were talking about the fandom in general, rather than being a butt about anyone in particular (other than whoever posted about Gwyn being a nobody, RIP because sjm is going to do what she wants with whatever character she wants. Chaol was just an annoying ass royal guard at first, too.)

I do agree with you about screen time. And that yeah, when we get Elain's book, it will not just be hers but also her love interest's book. I kept insisting on calling acosf the Nesta book before it came out, but... idk, I could go either way. We definitely didn't learn as much about Cassian as I think people had hoped to, but Nesta's issues were at the forefront and more pressing, anyway. The narration did follow Cassian at times, and we got to know some of his inner thoughts. So yeah, I assume that whenever we get Elain's book (and whoever else's we are going to get) then the narration will likely follow her love interest and we will get his (let's be real, it won't be a her) inner thoughts, and probably learn a bit more about him.

(This has made me start thinking about perspective and how people are struggling to understand the difference between first and third person and being unreliable, hang on let me grab a drink 😭)

And I definitely agree that if we could just accept that we are generally here for the same reason - obsessed over acotar - then maybe we might possibly, potentially, not be at each other's throats all the time? People just gotta make this their whole personality though, like if someone on the internet, who they will never meet irl and who otherwise has absolutely no bearing on their lives, disagrees with them, then *pearl clutch* omfg call the police their whole identity has now been put into question.

Calm. Down.

The most annoying thing about all of it to me is that it's all over MEN. People shit on Elain and Gwyn for a DUDE. And maybe it's not because of the ship war but people also shit on Mor for a DUDE. How about we just don't?

I'll be out here, doing my level best to tip the scales all by my lonesome by shitting on the dudes for the sake of Elain, and Gwyn, and Mor :)

Okay but back to your point, that people are actually invested in whoever the secondary character is going to be, I can see that. I've seen plenty of people say they don't like Elain, but will read elucien/elriel. It makes me sad tbh. I always see one of sjm's strengths - or at least one of the things I enjoy the most - being that she centers women in her stories. I used to assume that that's something that other readers enjoyed as well, but I guess not. People can like what they want for whatever reasons they want, but some of these discussions make it very, very clear how they feel about women, queer people, and people of color! Even if they won't say it out loud.