#this is the most chaotic thing I’ve ever fucking seen

[xtrashmammalstefx]

Chaos Monster & Her English Gent (A Callum Turner x Reader Smut)

Warnings: Smut, language, kiddos under 18 do not interact!

Notes: When I said I've become a total slut for this man and his bf Austin I wasn't fucking around. Lemme know if y'all want an Austin smut/sequel because I totes have some ideas I think you'll like.

Looking back I don’t think any of us expected this to happened. I certainly didn’t and I was the one who had the most to lose if things had gone sour rather than go the way they did.

I’m getting ahead of myself though so I’ll just start where this whole mess began: the first time I visited Austin on the Masters of the Air set. I’d sneaked up behind Austin, my best friend for life and possibly longer, as he was talking to a rather handsome man with the most unimaginably contagious smile. I put my finger to my lips once he’d seen me and jumped onto Austin’s back. “’Sup Elvis!”

“PRISCILLA?! FUCK!” Austin turned and scooped me up. “YOU SCARED THE SHIT OUTTA ME BABE!”

I laughed and squeezed him back. “Well that’s what you get for taking for fucking ever to return my texts you ass!”

“Sorry ‘bout that sweetheart but duty called a hell lot more than I thought it would,” he said once I was back on the ground. “Oh,” he turned back to the smiling man. “By the way, Callum this is my best girl, Y/N, Y/N this is my new best friend Callum.”

“Nice to meet you my handsome replacement,” I said.

Callum smiled nearly bringing out a giggle from deep inside me. Fuck, he is good. “Pleasure’s all mine love, and I am definitely not replacing you. You’re more beautiful than I will ever be.”

Struck dumb by his buttery smooth British accent and killer icebreaker I turned to Austin. “He is a hell of a keeper.”

“Yeah I think so too,” Austin laughed. “So how long are you staying?”

“I’ve taken a week off work so I’m gonna be yours until about Sunday,” I said.

“Oh sweet. Can’t wait to show you off to the rest of the boys, they’re gonna love you,” Austin said as we started towards a couple other guys in period attire.

“Only until they get to know me,” I said. “Let’s see how they react once they see the true chaos monster you know and love.”

“Well, this is gonna be a right interesting week,” Callum said walking on the other side of me.

Of course he wasn’t wrong about that. The next few days were filled with me and Austin being a chaotic duo in front of his cast mates who were also quite chaotic themselves. I’m not sure how or when it started happening but whenever Austin was away either in costume or make-up, Callum and I started to talk. Barry would sometimes be there but most of the time it was just us.

“I’m really gonna miss having you around,” Callum said two days before I was due to leave. We were in his trailer. Austin was busy talking with his manager so I figured I’d bug Callum for a bit. He was changing out of his costume and into civilian wear while I hung out in his make up chair.

“You act as if you don’t have my number and social medias,” I said. “I’m heading home, not dying.”

“Well, talking with you on a phone or in DM’s isn’t exactly the same as having you here,” Callum continued.

“What can you possibly say that can’t be said over the phone?”

“It’s not what I wish to say but rather what I wish to do that can’t be done over a phone call,” he said starting towards me wearing nothing but his boxer briefs which left little to nothing to the imagination.

“And what exactly is it that you wish to do good sir?”

He smirked and started leaning down. “This,” his lips connected with mine. His plump lips were soft and warm as he kissed me. It wasn’t enough to send me off the edge and before I knew it I had my arms around him letting him carry me to the small couch. Once there he pulled back and brought his lips down to my neck. As he left what I was sure was gonna be a massive hickey I reached down and started palming him through his underwear. He groaned at the feeling, his body trembling on top of mine.

“I’m a bit overdressed don’t you think?” I breathed. He smiled and sat up. I reached down and lifted my shirt over my head. He took it from me and tossed it to the side before reaching for the zipper and button on my pants. Not even a minute later I was fully bare in front of him.

“God you’re so beautiful,” he whispered pecking me on the mouth. “So. Fucking. Beautiful.” As he started to kiss me again I nudged at his briefs, doing my best to get them off. Callum got the hint though and pulled them off tossing them with my clothes. I think he could see how big my eyes got at the sight of him for he chuckled softly and said, “Like what you see, darling?”

I had no idea how to answer. If I’d though he was big when flaccid it was nothing compared to how endowed he was when he was hard.

I looked from his crotch up to his face as he continued to look at me quizzically with that smile that didn’t seem to go away. “C’mere,” I said moving from the couch to the floor beside it. He laid himself on top of me sending a shiver through me as his dick brushed my folds, ghosting my entrance. He reached down, gave himself a tug and placed himself there.

“Okay, love?” he asked. I nodded and just like that he was inside me. I clung to him as my body got use to the stretch. Callum cussed a rainbow of curse words in my ear as I enveloped him. His thrusting began soon after.

Turns out Callum is a gentleman in every sense of the word. He kept his movements slow at first, not daring to go faster or harder without my say so. Once the stinging subsided I brought my mouth to his, kissing him harder before telling him, “Harder… I need you to go harder.” With that he picked up the pace, almost slamming completely into me. “FUCK!”

“You’re taking me so well darling, fuck!!” He took me into his arms and slowly lifted me up, still thrusting into me. I held onto him moving up and down as he sat back. I rode him like that for a while until he lied completely back, putting me in charge for a bit.

As I moved my body conscious of the fact that I could see a small bump pulsating in my lower stomach, Callum reached down and started rubbing me with his long fingers. I bit back a scream at the feeling but let him keep playing with clit. It made me feel alive in a way I couldn’t put into words and before I knew it I was riding him like my life depended on it.

We continued like that until I began to feel the pressure build up inside me. “Oh fuck I’m gonna cum!”

“It’s alright, darling, just...just let go on my cock,” he said grabbing my ass and slamming me harder on his length. The pressure continued to grow more intense, until finally I was screaming and tightening around him. As I remained clamped down on his length Callum wrapped his arms around me and flipped us back over so that he was on top.

He continued to thrust as I came down from the most mind boggling orgasm of my life. I was still seeing stars when Callum’s thrusts became sloppy. Suddenly the gentle boy I’d been falling for became beastly, almost roaring as he twitched inside me, filling me up until there wasn’t a single drop left in him.

My body was still shaking, my cunt throbbing, as he pulled out and collapsed beside me.

“That was… incredible...magical even…”

“It was the best damn shag of my life,” Callum said breathless making me giggle. I turned my body to face him and cringed at the soreness between my legs. “You alright love?”

“Mentally and emotionally speaking I’m fucking great,” I said. “Physically speaking...fuck… Callum, I love you with every fiber of my being and will gladly do this again and again with you but god damn I think you just about broke me in half.”

He laughed at that and kissed my now swollen lips. “So, you agree then? To be my girlfriend I mean.”

I looked up at him and smiled. “I’m pretty sure I’m more than that. I mean, I did just say I love you, and lord knows those are words I don’t say to just anybody.”

“Just to the lad who shags your brains out?” I slapped him playfully on his chest. “Only joking darling. I love you too, and I don’t say those words to just anybody either.”

“Just to the girl that rode you and milked you for every last drop of cum in your body?”

“Actually, I believe I just said them to the girl I want to marry.”

“Quite the fast one aren’t you?”

“Only when I know deep down in my bloody heart and bones that I don’t want to do this with anyone else,” he said.

“Alright, but there’s something we gotta do first… Something pretty damn risky.” He looked at me questioningly.

“And that is?”

I looked up and smiled nervously. “We gotta tell Austin.”

“OH FUCK!”

[the-thing-inside-your-closet]

Prompts I’ve seen/found online that I have used an inspiration for many things, but mainly DP X DC stuff.

There’s 200 prompts/quotes in there

1. They match each other’s freak to a degree that is dangerous to the public.

2. People often mistake me for an adult because of my age.

3. “I have a solution.”

“Thank goodness.”

“It involves fire.”

“Absolutely not.”

4. Why are you hiding behind me? What did you do?

5. We can’t have a crisis - my schedule is already full!

6. “What’s our exit strategy?”

“Our what?”

“We’re all going to die.”

7. That is a terrible, horrible, incredibly foolish idea. Let’s do it and see what happens.

8. “This coffee tastes weird.”

“That’s probably because it’s not coffee.”

9. “Can I bother you for a second?”

“You always bother me, but go ahead.”

10. “Are you mad?”

“No.”

“So sharpening knives at 2am is just a hobby?”

11. I’m going to give my inner child a gun.

12. Your inability to learn complicated handshakes is tearing this gang apart.

13. I get so affectionate when I’m sleepy it’s disgusting.

14. Leaving a watermelon on someone’s doorstep in the middle of the night is a pretty inexpensive way to occupy a portion of their mind forever.

15. No offence to myself or anything but what the fuck am I doing.

16. I would love to be mysterious but I never shut the fuck up.

17. The divorce rate amongst my socks is astonishing.

18. Adulthood is a scam I want to be a crow.

19. Good morning! God has let me live another day and I’m about to make it everybody’s problem.

20. My house is haunted because I live there.

21. That’s my emotional support entity of questionable moral standing.

22. God released me into the wild and now he’s hunting me for sport.

23. No, no you don’t want to get to know me, I’m better as a concept.

24. I can’t wait until I’m old enough to pretend I can’t hear.

25. Do birds every just fly for fun or are they always on some kind of mission?

26. The older I get the more I understand why roosters scream to start their day.

27. ‘You’ll understand when you’re older.’ I am older and I understand absolutely nothing.

28. Source? It was revealed to me in a delusion.

29. Why do drugs after 30 when you can just stand up too fast?

30. I won’t ever be the bigger person in an argument. God made me 5’ for a reason.

31. This meeting could have been a fist fight.

32. I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m never going to have a midlife crisis because my entire fucking life is a crisis.

33. Anyone fancy going off the fucking rails with me I’ve had enough.

34. Go ahead and get in the pond since you wanna act like a silly goose.

35. My life is like a romantic comedy except there’s no romance and it’s just me laughing at my own jokes.

36. Who the fuck decided to call it ‘emotional baggage’ and not ‘griefcase?’

37. I don’t have a nervous system. I am a nervous system.

38. “What makes us human?”

“Selecting all of the images with traffic lights.”

39. Don’t let anyone else ruin your day. It’s your day. Ruin it yourself.

40. The sixth love language is combat.

41. “I just told you 2 minutes ago.”

“I do not control the remember.”

42. Due to not wanting to. I will not be.

43. My flabbers be gasted daily.

44. “Are you seeing anyone?”

“Like a hallucination, a therapist, or a person?”

45. “You’re the most ridiculous person I’ve ever met.”

“Thank you I try my best.”

46. I tried to embrace my inner child today and the little asshole bit me.

47. I think my dark under eye circles are adding to the aesthetic actually.

48. Being smart has never stopped me from being a complete fucking idiot.

49. Next time I’m opening up to someone will be at my autopsy.

50. Too many songs about love. Not enough song about sword fights.

51. “You’re cute.”

“I’m feral and chaotic, don’t touch me.”

52. I’m not as unhinged as I could be and I want everyone to be great full for that.

53. How dare you know stuff about things.

54. “I have a plan.”

“Is it a good one?”

“I have a plan.”

55. “Are you decent?”

“Not morally, but I’m wearing pants if that’s what you’re asking.”

56. I may have the right to remain silent but I do not have the ability.

57. I don’t want to look ‘pretty.’ I want to look otherworldly and vaguely threatening.

58. If you ever feel safe please remember that I’m out there.

59. “I’m too good for revenge.”

“Well I’m not. Give me the gun.”

60. “You know I really feel like we aren’t seeing eye to eye.

“It’s because you’re taller than me asshole.”

61. “They rely on you.”

“I can’t be blamed for their lack of judgment..”

62. Well, aren’t you a little Ray of pitch black.

63. I can get behind murder but I draw the line at misogyny.

64. In my defence your honour, I simply do not vibe with the law.

65. Life is a tornado and I’m just the cow being spun around for cinematic value.

66. You can burn all the sage you want, I’ll be back.

67. I believe in holding grudges. I’ll heal in hell.

68. You know…they make medication for the way you act.

69. I like men with massive, throbbing vocabularies.

70. My swear jar could finance the fucking space program.

71. “Well if you want my opinion-”

“I don’t. I have my own.”

72. I’m awake but not operational.

73. Due to personal reasons I’ll be going back to sleep.

74. The bags under my eyes are Prada.

75. I identify as a threat. My pronouns are try/me.

76. Audacity must be on sale this year…

77. “Have you ever been handcuffed?”

“Sexually or by law enforcement?”

78. I don’t like salad or eye contact.

79. “Come here.”

“Why?”

“Just come here.”

“No you’re gonna hit me!”

80. “I didn’t catch your name.”

“I didn’t throw it.”

81. I have to keep reminding myself that I am an adult and will be charged as one.

82. Apparently ‘spite’ is not an appropriate answer to ‘what motives you?’

83. There is a fine line between my crazy and my intelligence. I use that line like a jump rope.

84. I don’t know where you got your opinion but I hope you kept the receipt.

85. Sometimes when I close my eyes…I can’t see.

86. Is being stupid a profession or are you just gifted?

87. Some days the supply of available curse words is insufficient to meet my demands.

88. I’m running out of reasons to not stab you.

89. When I said ‘how stupid can you be?’ It wasn’t a challenge.

90. Love at first sight? Tired, boring. Love at first assassination attempt? Spicy.

91. I’m sorry I don’t take orders. I barley take suggestions.

92. And that’s a wrap on another day where I acted like I knew what I was doing.

93. Now if you’ll excuse me…tonight’s bad decision isn’t going to make itself.

94. I take super hot showers to practice burning in hell.

95. I wanna be 14 again and ruin my life differently. I have new ideas.

96. Don’t be ashamed of who you are. That’s your parent’s job.

97. Being an adult is the dumbest thing I’ve ever done.

98. If I’m ever murdered, feel comfort in knowing I ran my mouth until the bitter end.

99. My spirit animal would fucking eat yours.

100. Some people will only like you if you fit inside their box. Don’t be afraid to shove that box up their ass.

101. I wonder if people look both ways before getting on my fucking nerves.

102. If I was a bird, I know who I’d shit on.

103. Giving a fuck doesn’t really go with my outfit.

104. I’m not insulting you, I’m describing you.

105. Life is full of disappointments and I just added you to the list.

106. And then I decided to take a detour to deliver an ass beating.

107. I wanna contribute to the chaos.

108. I’m gay and also stronger than all of you. So don’t try any shit.

109. With all due respect, which is none

110. What, pray tell, the fuck?

111. My arson charges don’t define me.

112. Those are bold words for someone in stabbing range.

113. I don’t understand your specific kind of crazy but I do admire your total commitment to it.

114. I am not above slashing my own tires to avoid going to this family brunch.

115. I don’t want to heal my inner child I want them to get revenge.

116. In order to insult me I must first value your opinion. Nice try though.

117. There’s someone for everyone and the person for you is a psychiatrist.

118. Keep rolling your eyes, maybe you’ll find a brain back there.

119. I think my guardian angel drinks.

120. In my defence, I was left unsupervised.

121. I believe in you. I also believe in Bigfoot so don’t get too excited.

122. If you figure me out I want an explanation.

123. I don’t think I meet the height requirements to ride your emotional roller coaster.

124. When killing them with kindness doesn’t work, try voodoo.

125. Another fine day ruined by responsibility.

126. You call them swear words. I call them sentence enhancers.

127. Stop petting my peeves.

128. What a year this week has been.

129. Don’t follow me I don’t know where I’m going.

130. Due to unfortunate circumstances, I am awake.

131. I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

132. Please don’t interrupt me while I’m ignoring you.

133. Everyone has the right to be stupid but you’re abusing the privilege.

134. I just know I will die trying to pet something I shouldn’t.

135. At this point, if a clown invited me into the woods, I’d just go.

136. I told him to take care of his eyes because they’re the only balls he has.

137. The trash gets picked up tomorrow. Be ready.

138. My last words will probably be sarcastic.

139. We don’t have time to unpack all that.

140. I may have committed light treason.

141. How is ‘pretty boy’ supposed to be an insult? I’m the prettiest goddamn boy in this town.

142. I’m not interested in being polite or heterosexual.

143. “Based on statistical evidence, I’m immortal.”

“How so?”

“Haven’t died yet.”

144. I’m just here to establish an alibi.

145. Take the day off from being the bigger person and choose violence, you deserve it.

146. Forgive and forget? I’m neither Jesus nor do I have alzheimers.

147. People are so ungrateful. No one ever thanks me for having the patience to not kill them.

148. “I can see your bra.”

“Fucking good it was expensive.”

149. Sir, that’s my emotional support knife collection.

150. My idea of ‘help from above’ is a sniper on the roof.

151. “We’re surrounded!”

“Excellent, we can attack in any direction!

152. Lord give me patience or an untractable handgun.

153. Step back! I’m a professional idiot!

154. “Trust your gut.”

“I have anxiety. My gut is always telling me to abort mission.”

155. Keep your morals away from me.

156. Your existence gives me a headache go stand over there.

157. What, from the bottom of my heart, the fuck?

158. My heart is not a home for cowards.

159. Underestimate me so I can embarrass you.

160. “It’ll be easy. You just have to seduce them.”

“You’re kidding, right? I’m about as seductive as a cabbage.”

161. You’ve got heart, kid. Several hearts. Honestly, I’m a little scared of you.

162. It takes a very special kind of idiot to pull off what you just did.

163. I’m no doctor - but I think he’s dead.

164. I love you. You enormously stubborn pain in the ass.

165. “What brings you here?”

“A continuum of terrible choices.”

“You’d be surprised to know how often people say that.”

166. “I thought we agreed to tell each other when we were bleeding internally.”

“That’s a very specific promise I don’t remember making.”

167. “Did you really google how to flirt with a girl?”

“What? How’d you know that?”

“You do realise there’s a search history?”

168. “I’m gonna…”

“If you kick down the door, I swear…”

“I’M GONNA PUNCH IT WITH MY FOOT!”

169. “Is it still murder if I give them a heads up?”

“That’s a threat.”

“Damn.”

170. Surprise! I’m back from the dead! Isn’t that exciting?

171. Don’t mind me, I’ll just be in the corner, having another existential crisis.

172. I’d agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong.

173. You’re important to me you piece of shit.

174. “Why are your hands purple?”

“That’s a very good question.”

175. Can someone turn off the sun please?

176. “I had a thought.”

“Oh no.”

“I swear it’s a good one this time!”

177. I’ve met bread smarter than you.

178. “Please stop getting shot, it stresses me out.”

“Oh, well if YOU don’t like it.”

179. Dude, we are not asking the dragon for directions.

180. You’ve got as much charm as a dead slug.

181. For you, I could steal the stars - but I can also get them through legitimate means, if that impresses you more.

182. I am under no obligation to make sense to you.

183. You smile like an idiot when you’re talking to them.

184. Don’t you sign to me in that tone.

185. Excuse me. I have to go make a scene.

186. “Shut up.”

“I didn’t say anything.”

“Don’t care. Shut up.”

187. Now that I made it weird, I’m going to make my exit.

188. So uh, I noticed you’re kinda naked. Is that intentional or…?

189. “Do you trust me?”

“No.”

“Smart man.”

190. Well, if you’d woken up properly the first time I kicked you, I wouldn’t have had to do it four more times.

191. “I have NEVER been so insulted.”

“You don’t listen much, do you?”

192. “Don’t you know who I am?”

“Yup. I just don’t care.”

193. I didn’t really know what I was getting myself into. I just thought it would be amusing.

194. I would tell you to be yourself but that almost got us killed last time.

195. “Why aren’t you worshipping me, mortal?”

“Not interested. Thanks.”

196. “I’d rather be dead.”

“Then I have some good news for you.”

197. “Did you hear that scream?”

“Yes, I’m the one who screamed.”

198. “What happened to your-”

“I lost a bet.”

“Why-”

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

199. Reading way above my grade level didn’t get me as far in life as I had hoped.

200. Due to foreseen circumstances well within my control I will be late.

[sabbathbloodysabbeth]

AHHHH I’ve been rereading some of my past posts (they were created for me and god am I happy I created them) but they have also put this thought into my head.

What if Omega Steve is the only one able to carry Eddie out because he has been doing everything in his power to not be seen as “just another weak omega” on his free time. Working out, purposely preparing for this moment. He needs to be useful. He needs to be needed. And these needs all stem back from his lack of physical and emotional intimacy. He does have some with Robin, and Robin only but Robin is a beta and doesn’t know how to handle an omega so Steve just doesn’t act like one of those Omegas even though it’s in his nature.

Now he can’t deny all of his nature, he does tend to act “motherly” and protective of those he loves and does other smaller things that aren’t that noticeable. In summary, Steve has and most likely will always be in control. (Which is fine but it’s a rare trait in omegas)

But what if in this universe you don’t find out your second gender until you were closer to eighteen. The youngest being sixteen but that was more rare than anything. Which means in season one neither Nancy, Steve or Jonathan are presenting. Along with this, it’s a well known fact that chaotic situations before presenting is a bad thing as it can affect how your omega/beta/alpha is for the rest of your life. (Basically if they are going to be feral, protective, closed of, or any other traits but to a higher extreme that can lead to complications)

So the younger kids are safe as they are no where near presenting but Steve, Jonathan and Nancy are all in the danger zone. All of them are being actively watched at all times by doctors that were assigned to them. (They each get their own) and when the time comes they all start presenting.

First Nancy, she presents as an Alpha (which was effected by the stressful situation, the doctors did the probability check and testing and she was supposed to be a beta) but other than that she is completely fine and an average alpha considering the circumstances.

Then there is Jonathan. It doesn’t take him long but he presents as a beta. And he’s also completely fine considering the circumstances. Besides having a bad anxiety disorder he’s good.

And finally Steve. Steve who is extremely late with presenting. He doesn’t present until after the events of season three. The doctors think it may have had to do with the unknown drugs that were forced into his system.

Steve’s omega is definetly fucked up, and similarly to that of Nancy Steve was supposed to be an alpha. But in the chaos and trauma his secondary gender switched completely but still holds some “alpha traits”. And he is now always on watch just in case. Along with this he can’t have any heats, which means he’s essentially unable to have children.

Time skip back to him struggling in the upside down. Robin can’t carry Eddie, she’s so tiny and can barely hold herself up. Nancy possibly could but she looked just as exhausted, her own Alpha overwhelmed with how much charge she had to take. And poor Dustin is sobbing, Steve doesn’t think he has much choice. And before any of them can stop him he lifts Eddie (who is an alpha) up and carry’s him out. All of them are shocked, and slightly alarmed as something triggers and Steve’s omega has finally done what the doctors said it would. It goes feral.

It takes a couple of doctors but he’s safely detained while he heals and his omega pretty much takes over completely. The doctors describe it as a form of coma, where the main person (Steve) has been forced to go to “sleep” for a while by his omega as a form of protecting him from anymore trauma. And with the amount of trauma he’s gone through they predict he won’t ever wake up.

But thanks to Steve, Eddie is still alive. Sacrificing himself in the process. Both him and Eddie are in comas and after a year when Eddie wakes up time starts to move again.

Eddie gets taken care of and the doctors come to him after a month of being awake (without telling anyone else) to see if he could test something for them. And by test they mean they want them to go into the same room as Steve’s omega and see if that helps trigger him back awake.

The first session (this goes on for numerous sessions) they see a flicker of Steve return to himself but bla bla bla summary of what I’m trying to come back to is that Eddie and Steve have numerous sessions together where Eddie’s alpha helps Steve’s omega out.

Teaches him how to nest, gives him more physical intimacy that an omega needs (except a heat of course) and starts to bond with Steve who is slowly coming back to each day Eddie comes. It gets to the point where Eddie has to move from his room to Steve’s to stay with him full time while they both heal because his Alpha has bonded with Steve’s omega.

I feel as if I’ve rambled enough but this was an idea I had!

[ladykailitha]

Never Hold Back Your Step... Part 12

Welcome back to another addition of Dustin being absolutely chaotic as fuck and Robin inserts herself into a dangerous situation because she has to out sass an eighth grader.

This story really is nearing in the end of season 3, and I don't think this story will go for much longer than that. So it will probably be the next story I finish.

What this means is that soon I'll be starting up "The Hellfire Erotic Club" as I am already two chapters into sugar baby!Steve and sugar daddy!Eddie so that one is next on the docket. And as it sounds, it absolutely will be mature. It might even be my first explicit story I've written. So let me know if you want to be kept off the list for that one.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11

~

Things mellowed out with Robin at work. She still had the YOU RULE/YOU SUCK board, but at least wasn’t throwing out snide comments and sneering glances every two seconds so Steve absolutely counted that as a win.

And he continued to flirt badly. The worst was when Eddie and Jeff had stopped by after touring the music store.

“It’s the hat,” Steve said with moue. “It’s ruining my best feature.”

Robin snorted. “Your best feature? You don’t have one.”

Steve rolled his eyes and took off the hat. “My hair is my best feature, of course. I was the Hair in school, after all.” He threw it off the side and did a mocking shimmy with his shoulders before heading to register to greet a group of giggling girls.

“Hello, ladies,” he said smoothly. “My name is Steve and I’ll be your captain on this journey on the ocean of flavor. What can I get you today?” And then to really sell it. He winked.

The girls as he expected were completely turned off and hurried to get away as soon as possible. But hey at least Jeff got the number of one of the girls. So yay, gay wingman for the win! Or whatever.

Eddie came loping up to the counter, Jeff close on his heels. “That has got to be the most depressing thing I have ever had the misfortune to witness.”

“Seriously dude,” Jeff said with a wince. “Your mojo must have got up and went. Holy shit.”

Steve just pursed his lips and waved vaguely in Eddie’s direction. Eddie and Jeff giggled, but Robin frowned in confusion.

“Why does Munson being here affect your flirting?” she asked. “Because from what I’ve seen it doesn’t matter if he’s here or not, your flirting is always bad.”

He just shrugged. “Maybe the PTA is right and Eddie can cast evil spells and cursed me.”

Eddie wiggled his fingers at her, but she just rolled her eyes. “Oh, please. If he could cast spells Mrs. O’Donnell would be dead by now.”

The three boys cackled.

“Or maybe,” Jeff said seriously, “the girls remember Stevie here hanging out with us freaks and geeks last year and think he’s suddenly beneath him. You know, now that he’s not King Steve anymore?”

Robin’s mouth open and closed like a fish before she snapped it shut with an audible click. She blushed a dark red and was grateful that a mother with her two young sons came in just then so she could avoid the awkwardness that followed.

“I’m off in five minutes,” Steve said, “if you two want to wait around?”

Eddie and Jeff shared a glance and then Eddie nodded. “Sure, we could hang out for a bit.”

“Yeah,” Jeff said with a half shrug. “I don’t have anything to do today.”

Steve moved off to the side to start scooping the lady’s order. He gave each of the kids a cone and the sundae to the mom. Then he tossed the scooper into the warm water they kept nearby to keep the scooper clean. He walked to the back and returned within seconds.

Just then the power went out. Steve sighed and went over to the light switch. He flipped it up and down.

“That didn’t work two days ago,” Robin hissed. “And it’s not going to work now.”

Eddie peered at Steve through the dark. “This happened a couple of days ago, too?”

“It’s because of how hot it is outside,” Steve said. “Which makes the AC run overtime and it blows the breaker.” He sounded like he was repeating something someone else said as he continued to flip the switch and then the lights came back on. Just as Steve was about to leave again, Dustin came running up to Steve, skidding to a stop when he saw Robin, Eddie, and Jeff standing there.

“Hey, guys,” he said with a strained smile on his face. “Can I talk to Steve for a moment? I won’t take up much of his time. I promise.”

That got Steve’s hackles up. He turned to Eddie and begged him with his eyes to understand what this meant. Eddie tilted his head to the side for a moment, before his mouth formed an ‘O’.

“Jeff and I will be at Suncoast Video,” he said, “we’ll be there when you’re done.”

Jeff blinked at him for a moment trying to decide if it was the worth the fight. Then he shrugged and followed Eddie away from the strange tableau behind them.

Robin eyed them suspiciously as the two boys went to go sit down.

“What’s up, bud?” Steve asked, a nervous chill sliding down his spine. Please don’t be the Upside Down. Please don’t be the Upside Down. Please don’t be the Upside Down.

“So because my ma doesn’t want me racking up her phone bill calling Suzie,” he said, “I put up, with a little help from Lucas, Will, and Mike, a communications tower so we could talk.”

Because of course they did. They were geniuses when it came to building that kind of shit, but not so much in why they shouldn’t.

“And there was this weird Russian transmission,” Dustin explained hurriedly. “I don’t want to show you the recording yet, not with so many people around. But I can I meet up at your place later tonight?”

Steve was about to turn the kid down. After all, he had tried the hero racket and it blew. All he got for his troubles was ringing in his ears and the biggest break up of his life.

“Just think, if we solve this then we can be celebrated for exposing a Communist plot!” he exclaimed. “We could be American heroes, Steve!”

Oh. That did sound nice. There was no chance of him putting his body on the line for a recording in Russia after all. “Sure thing, bud.”

~

There was no keeping the stupid little transmission from Eddie or Robin. The first one wasn’t a surprise, really. Eddie was attached to Steve’s hip like he’d always been right there. Robin was more of a shock, to be honest. She just inserted herself where she didn’t belong on sheer sass alone.

Because Dustin had all the tact of a bull in a china shop, he had been whining about not being able to translate the message. When suddenly the window to the back slid open with a slam.

“You do know you’re in public, right?” she huffed. “If you’re trying to being sneaky about it, you’re failing miserably.”

Dustin rolled his eyes. “Like you’re so smart.”

Robin raised an unimpressed eyebrow. “And how many languages do you speak, dork?”

Eddie and Steve shared a glance, then tried to stifle a laugh, Steve by biting his lip and Eddie by shoving his hair in front of his face.

“Two!” Dustin huffed, puffing out his chest. “Binary and English.”

“Binary doesn’t count,” Robin said, rolling her eyes. “You can’t ‘speak’ it. I speak French, Spanish, and Italian. That’s four.”

Dustin crossed his arms. “Does to and besides I didn’t hear Russian on that list.”

She tilted her head and smirked. “And how do you even know it’s Russian?”

Dustin’s jaw dropped to the floor and his eyes bulged out of his head.

“Just because it sounds ‘Russian’,” Robin said, using air quotes around the word Russian, “doesn’t mean it’s not some other Slavic language.”

Dustin’s bottom lip quivered. “And how many Slavic languages are there?”

Her grin turned feral and she leaned on the counter, looking him dead in the eye. “Eighteen if you don’t count the different dialects for each region, then you’re looking at something closer to twenty-five.”

“There’s no way there’s that many!” Dustin cried.

Steve bumped his shoulder into his. “Why don’t you let her hear it? What’s the worst thing that could happen? That she doesn’t recognize the language? It’d be no different from where we are now.”

“Come on, Dusty,” Eddie implored. “Or do I have to tell Suzie that you think girls aren’t as smart as boys?”

Dustin turned to glare at the older teen. “That’s a low blow, man.”

He looked over at Robin who was eyeing him expectantly and sighed. “Fine, here.” He handed her the portable tape deck and sat back to watch.

The message came through the small device and Robin listened to the whole thing, before rewinding it and playing it again.

“So what do you think?” Dustin asked after her third listen through. “Is it Russian?”

“Oh yeah,” she said with a smirk. “And probably in code.”

But before Dustin could answer, Eddie leaned on the front counter. He had been watching Steve the whole time Robin had been listening to the recording. When she got to the end, Steve would frown. Even with half of a banana stuffed in his cheeks like a chipmunk.

“What’s on your mind, Stevie?” he asked, tilting his head to the side.

“There’s something about the music,” he muttered, tapping his fingers and humming the tune.

Dustin huffed. “Can you please pay attention to the important part, Steve? The apparently secret coded message in Russian?”

Steve shoved the rest of the banana in his mouth and chewed silently. He swallowed roughly and asked Robin to play the music again.

“Steve!” Dustin snapped. “What did I just say?”

Eddie glared at him. “Shut it, kid.” And Eddie began to listen to the music, too. Then Steve and Eddie made eye contact as they both got it at the same time.

Steve grabbed Dustin’s wrist and dragged him out of the ice cream shop, Eddie fast on their heels. They reached the Merry-Go-Round and Steve tried to pull out a couple of quarters but they fell to the ground. He bent to pick them up, but Eddie shoved a couple of quarters from his pocket into Steve’s hands.

Steve put the quarters into the Merry-Go-Round, while Eddie and Dustin stood by. Eddie smiled, smug and Dustin stood there, glowering at Steve, arms crossed.

The carousel roared to life. And then music started.

Dustin’s jaw dropped. “Wait, what?”

Steve and Eddie shared a grin.

“That’s the music from the recording!” he continued. “How did you recognize it?”

Eddie laughed.

“Because I hear it at least two or three times a shift,” Steve said, putting his hands on his hips. “It’s hard to miss because it’s so loud and so close to Scoops Ahoy.”

Dustin frowned and pouted because he had thought that Steve was just being his usual spacy self. But he actually figured it out.

As the three of them walked back to the ice cream shop, he said, “All that tells us is that Russians like carousels.”

Steve and Eddie shared a glance over his head.

“That’s an Indiana Flyer carousel,” Steve said slowly. “As in they only make them in Indiana.”

Dustin stopped short and his eyes widened in fear. “Does that mean they’re here in the state?”

Eddie shook his head. “Worse than that, Dusty. I’m pretty sure they’re here in the mall.”

Steve’s heart sank. He had been hoping that they would be able to solve this without getting directly involved, but that had just flown away like a startled butterfly.

Now all he had to do was convince himself that the Russians weren’t in Hawkins for the gateways to the Upside Down.

It was going to be a tough sell and he knew deep down it was never going to stick.

There were Russians in Hawkins and they were most likely here for Hell.

~

Part 13 Part 14 Part 15 Part 16

Tag List: FIVE SLOTS REMAINING!

1- @mira-jadeamethyst @rozzieroos @itsall-taken @redfreckledwolf @zerokrox-blog

2- @gregre369 ​@a-little-unsteddie @chaosgremlinmunson @messrs-weasley @kultiras

3- @maya-custodios-dionach @goodolefashionedloverboi @val-from-lawrence @carlyv @wonderland-girl143-blog

4- @justforthedead89 @irregular-child @bookbinderbitch @bookworm0690 @blondie1006

5- @anne-bennett-cosplayer @yikes-a-bee @awkwardgravity1 @littlewildflowerkitten @genderless-spoon

6- @dragonmama76 @ellietheasexylibrarian @thedragonsaunt @useless-nb-bisexual @angels-of-hades

7- @mugloversonly @y4r3luv @greeniebean911 @birbsauce @acingthecounts

8- @cryptid-system @counting-dollars-counting-stars @ravenfrog @dreamercec @sadisticaltarts

9- @clockworkballerina @bluelightsinthevoid @blcksh33p1987 @i-go-pink-in-the-night @mamafaithful

[a-dumb-sarcastic-bisexual]

Nimona headcanons cause I love this chaotic little family

I’ve seen a lot of people say Ambrosius is a morning person and Bal is a night owl 

And I have to respectfully disagree 

Will Bal pull some all-nighters in the lab? Absolutely 

But this man is the most early bird coded character I’ve ever seen in my entire life 

When he isn't fully invested in a project he can't stay up past 10 pm

He wakes up at 6 am refreshed and barely needs caffeine 

I’ve also seen a lot of people say he’s a dedicated coffee drinker but something about this man screams “Coffee gives me migraines” 

Ambrosius on the other hand 

That’s an insomniac if I’ve ever seen one 

He’ll get ready for bed around 9 and then stay up til 3 in the morning

Poor babe needs coffee in an IV

He used to wake up really early back in the institute cause he was forced to run a mile every minute he was late to class 

And he’s a heavy sleeper so after the wall came down and he quit being a knight he wouldn't wake up before 1 pm even with Bals help 

And Nimona is just as bad 

Most nights Ambrosius will leave the room because he moves a lot when he can’t sleep and Bal is a light sleeper 

He’ll sit in the living room watching tv while trying to sleep and most of the time Nimona will join him 

Every once and a while Bal will find them laying on top of each other on the couch and will take them back to their respective beds 

And if you’re wondering what their favorite show to watch together is it’s those house-flipping shows 

But not for the reason you think

Most people watch those shows cause they think it’s inspiring 

Ambrosius and Nimona talk about how terrible these people are at their jobs  

They’ll go on hour-long rants about how these people are stripping the houses of everything that made them a home

(Ambrosius is a sentimental bitch and would be a maximalist after leaving the institute prove me wrong)

When Nimona is bored she’ll go into the city disguised as Bal or Ambrosius 

And she’ll fool literally everyone it’s a pretty common occurrence for the boys to be at home and then they hear the other swearing like a damn sailor because there are already news articles about it

The only people she can’t fool are Bal and Ambrosius 

Bal will shut them down almost immediately 

They’ll walk over to Bal and won’t even get a word out before Bal says “Shift back Nim you’re freaking me out”

They always make a big deal out of being caught making big decorations like “I’m getting better and one day I’ll fool you” 

And he’ll hum in agreement but he knows that it doesn’t matter how good he gets or how observant he is he’ll be able to fully copy every little detail 

The details that Bal has spent the past decade and a half remembering  

You know the little things like how he can’t say Bal or Nimona’s names without smiling even when he’s pissed

Or how he scrunches his nose when he laughs 

Ambrosius always acts like Nimona tricked him

He’ll let them get comfortable in the character and then he’ll drop the bomb 

Something small and inconspicuous like “Hey Nim do you want pizza for dinner?” and they’ll excitedly proclaim “Hell yeah pizza!” 

It takes them a second to realize they’ve been played and when they do they never make a big deal about it

They normally just mumble a curse or two and walk away with their tail between their legs (literally)

The first time Nimona tried to trick Ambrosius was when he was having one of those days 

You know the days when even breathing feels like a fucking battle

This was in a really awkward period too

Like right after Nimona and Ambrosius started trusting each other but right before they really started to get to know each other 

But she knew the boys well enough to know if Bal came home to a sad Ambrosius then he’d be in a bad mood for the rest of the day 

And she knows that the only thing that can cure a mopey Ambrosius is Bal 

She walked into the room and started talking to Ambrosius and was kind of surprised and a little bit peeved about how well she was fooling him

Until he said “You can drop the act Nim I know it’s you” 

They kind of just sat in that silence for a minute until Nimona said the first thing that came to her mind 

“You want me to find my sax?” 

Bal shouldn’t have been surprised to find Nimona disguised as him serenading Ambrosius with the worst freestyle jazz he’s ever heard (which is saying something)

He didn’t even say anything he just sat down and cuddled the love of his life while watching their kid try and play the sax while breakdancing

[weixuldo]

Regrets

anakin x f!reader

based on an this ask by @divxnee

(i’ve never written a pregnant reader, soooo bear w me pls hahah, also i’m sorry if this is a little sloppy, im jot the best with time jumping stories)

Fleeing order 66 with a baby on the way is probably as fun as it sounds.

(_____ indicate time jumps (flash back or present))

f/n=friend’s name

warnings: death, cannon typical violence, birth, cursing, implied sex, depiction of injury

________________

The dreadful sound of blasters and the chaotic struggles of jedi filled the temple. This was unimaginable; the Jedi Temple under attack, clones flooding in, and so many of your confidantes fighting for their lives. Never had you imagined that the order would fall.

Only a few hours earlier, you were strolling along one of the many balconies of the beautiful establishment, humming sweetly to the child in your belly.

You worked in the archive department helping jedi knights develop research portfolios for upcoming missions. You wouldn’t exactly call yourself part of the order, but you did spend most of your time around other jedi.

As a child you were classified as force sensitive, but your parents didn’t want to put you in danger, so they didn’t enroll you in the academy. 

Around a year ago, a duo of Jedi were assigned to a mission that required research from your sector of the archives. You were presented with a bearded master and his taller padawan; Obi-Wan Kenobi and Anakin Skywalker. 

Of course all Jedi were heroes and almost larger than life, but you didn’t expect to be so starstruck by the duo.

You remembered giggling giddily when you heard they were who was being assigned to your sector. Your job required work with all kinds of Jedi, so you knew how to appear calm and collected, but something in your mind told you they were special. 

You met Kenobi briefly a few years back when he was researching for his Kamino Mission under your advisor Jocasta Nu. But you never had the chance to formally meet his younger, more wild padawan. Yes, you had seen him in the halls of the library and you had made…intense… eye contact with him, but never spoke. 

The first time they came in you made sure you were wearing your best robes; their pattern resembled that of head librarian, Jocasta, but were shorter in length and showed off more of your figure.

The men entered and greeted you formally, but you saw the lingering gaze general Skywalker gave you. 

As the research sessions began, you found yourself becoming more and more compelled to the enigma that was Anakin Skywalker.

He was skilled in combat and strategy; he was the best star pilot in the galaxy for makers sake!

He was as handsome as he was talented; his sparkling blue eyes, his broad shoulders, the way his dimples appeared when he would smile at you…

But that was only half of the appeal, his personality was golden; he had so much passion for everything he did, research, combat, romance….

Jedi were not to form attachments, which, technically he succeeded in. But for the time being, he was quite… present.

You remembered his flirty remarks and all of the secret touches the two of you shared while Obi-Wan was deep in his research. You knew it couldn’t last- he was a jedi after all- but you enjoyed it while you could. 

Sometimes he would come to the archives late at night to log “additional reading” and you would happen to be working the night shift.

Those sessions against the hidden bookshelves in the deepest sects of the archives were the most alive you had ever felt. 

His soft lips against yours, the way his robes would brush against your thighs when he went down on you, the feel of his hair entangled in your fingers. Not to mention the way his mechanical hand would grip onto your waist as he fucked himself into you. 

Maker, those nights were the best. 

As things continued and the two of you became closer, he would often find himself at your door after long days of training or missions. You would welcome him into your home, feed him, and hold him in your arms until the early hours of the morning when he’d have to sneak out and get ready for the day. 

You found yourself falling further and further for a man that could not be yours. 

_______________

A blaster shot landed uncomfortably close to where you were standing and a scream escaped you.

You were accompanied by a jedi whom you called your friend, he reached for your hand to pull you into another corridor away from the main fighting stage. 

You followed, praying that you and your unborn child would survive. Everything in the temple seemed to stop when you felt a searing pain in your abdomen; the baby was coming. 

You cried out and your friend whipped his head around, “Y/N!”.

With one hand you gripped onto your stomach and attempted to hold yourself up on a banister with the other. 

“Please- H-help..” You begged

He swung an arm around you to help you to a more secluded room (there was no chance the two of you would make it out of the temple if you tried to flee). 

Once the two of you entered an old training room, he gently laid you down on a training mat. You clenched your jaw as more contractions came- you knew you were due any day, but the stress of the siege definitely brought on the labor. 

He sat between your legs and began coaxing you through the labor. You cried and cried, not only was this excruciatingly painful, but your world was under attack and this baby that you would deliver, may not even see the light of a new day. 

Also you couldn’t help but let your mind wander to Anakin, where was he? Did the clones kill him already? Was he protecting the younglings? Was he safe? 

Not that he deserved your worries after what he did, but you just couldn’t deny the fact that you had fallen for him.

________________________

After a particularly taxing mission, you found a banged up Anakin at your door at midnight. He was leaning against the doorway, cuts and bruises everywhere,

“Hey, Angel”.

You hurried him in and tended to his wounds, “You need to be more careful, you idiot”.

“I got back in one piece, that's all that matters right? Plus only one piece of me really matters for us” he joked, motioning to his crotch, but it made you more upset than anything.

“Anakin. You know that’s not true, you know I-”

He stopped your words with a shake of his head, “No, You know I can’t- we can’t���”

You brushed a stray piece of brown hair out of his face and responded, “Yes, I’m aware of your restrictions, but it doesnt change how I feel for you and I won’t lie and act like I don’t love you”

Maybe it was the exhaustion or maybe he reciprocated, but that night he allowed you to love him the way you wanted. That night, he too, reveled in your body, your mind, and your beauty. 

“What are you doing to me?” he said, pulling you closer to his chest, once the two of you were finally settled down. 

“Nothing you haven't already done to me” you responded, kissing him on the forehead.

His blue eyes blinked open and met yours, “I want to y/n…maker, you know I do…”

You didn't need to ask what he meant by that, you knew he meant love. You knew he couldn't, but it didn’t make it hurt any less. So instead you nodded to him.

“it’s alright, Ani… it’s ok”

_______

Weeks later you found yourself feeling odd, so you went to the clinic.

You were pregnant. 

The nurses congratulated you, but you were more worried about what would happen if you told the father. You were delighted to have created a life with Anakin, but you were so afraid to tell him… what if he hated you? 

In time, there was no way to hide your swollen belly from anyone, especially not the jedi you had been fraternizing with for the past few months. The two of you went on avoiding the subject, until one day he broke the silence. 

“y/n, i can’t keep doing this.”

“Doing what?” you responded, trying to keep the conversation under wraps.

“Oh, don’t act like you aren’t fucking full with a child.” he snapped.

“Well, I don’t see the problem” 

“We both know it's my child…. I’m not allowed attachments and this child..”

“What Anakin? You won't be able to be a present father? Don’t you think I already knew that?! You can’t say you care for anyone, so why would I expect you to be there for this child?”

“It’s not that I don’t want to, you don’t understand how it would feel to want to love something you couldn’t”

“Yes I do!” you yelled.

“Don’t fucking tell me that I don’t know how it feels! I’ve loved you since the first time you came to my door, Anakin. I know you can’t have attachments, but even so, I love you with my whole being!”

He breathed in and a look of sadness washed over his beautiful features. 

“y/n, our mission is over so we won’t need to research…I think when our studies end, so should we” 

There it was.

What you had been praying you wouldn’t have to hear.

It was over.

____________________________________

 With a final push, you felt your child exit and enter the world. You leaned back and relaxed your tense body, your friend wrapped the child and handed it over to you. You examined the child, it was a girl, a healthy baby girl. 

Her cries softly subsided as you held her and kissed her head. Your friend cut the cord and helped clean you and the baby up. 

The two of you sat in silence as the blaster fire and shouts of other jedi filled the halls outside. You looked over at your friend to thank him, but he was turned away from you and seemed to be shaking a little. 

“f/n?” you called to him, worried.

Before you knew it he had swiftly turned towards you and plunged a dagger into your abdomen. You didn’t understand… why?

As you looked at him with wide eyes, he clenched his jaw, “I’m sorry, y/n… I-I’m so sorry”.

He took his dagger from your side and you slumped over, clutching the bleeding wound with your free hand. Your baby started crying as you tried to hold her with your other hand. 

“f/n… I don’t.. W-why?”

“The jedi a-are corrupt, we must exterminate all remnants of the order so our new empire may rise” 

The jedi snatched your daughter out of your arms and you screamed.

“every remnant of the order….” he exclaimed as he was about to kill your daughter. 

In the blink of an eye the man was simultaneously shot by blasters and sliced by a blue saber.

As he fell you saw a hooded figure behind him, he looked familiar, but in your compromised state, you couldn’t quite tell. 

“y/n!” the man exclaimed

Anakin.

“A-anak-” you stuttered before a sharp pain shot through your body. 

He dropped his saber, grabbed the child, and ran to gather you into his arms. He looked into your eyes as he handed you the baby

“She yours” you managed, smiling slightly. 

“Anakin I was so worried they k-killed yo-”  

A squadron of troopers raced in, blasters at the ready; you gasped and tried to shield your child, but no shots ever came.

Instead, Anakin ordered them away and they followed his instruction, calling him “general Skywalker”...was he a part of this?

Slowly you turned your head to face him, “A-anakin?”

He forced the doors closed with his gloved hand and cast his gaze back onto you; his eyes softened as he saw you holding your daughter. 

“y/n, I’ll get you out of here”

“No, no, they’ll kill me” you cried

“I won’t let them, come on you’ll be ok” he said

You shook your head weakly and moved your hand to show him the large pool of crimson blood that stained your robes and the floor beneath you. 

“I don’t think I’ll make it out of this one, Ani” you tried to smile. 

“No, NO! Please y/n! You have to!”

“Please take care of our daughter, Ani” you managed before your body fell limp in the former jedi’s arms.

Your daughter was silent as she slid out of your arms onto the floor beside you; her head propped up on your side. 

“I love you…” Anakin whimpered out as he clutched your lifeless body to his chest. 

He took a deep breath and let out a guttural cry that could be heard all across the temple. 

For so long he denied his feelings and pushed you away, but when he finally tried to tell you his feelings, he was too late. 

He loved you , he loved you during his research, he looked forward to taking you as his wife as soon as the order had been destroyed, but here you were, dead…. Because of him. 

The sith that killed you was one that he and Palpatine had been working with… he killed you because of the ideology that Palpatine preached. The same ideology Anakin followed. 

how could he have done this to you?

You were worried about Anakin's safety, even after he had been so cruel to you and your feelings…

You believed he was good. You thought he was saving lives, not taking them.

Now what was he left with? Guilt and misery.

The baby next to him began to cry and he remembered that was his child. His and yours.

You would live on through this child. He gathered her into his arms and comforted her. She could have been killed too…and it would have been his fault. 

He wailed as he rocked his baby girl, what had he done?

Maker…what had he done? 

***

a/n: I hope this was good!! i tried to make it romantic yet angsty, also in this story we’re gonna pretend that padme isn’t his love interest and that he was looking forward to taking you with him as the jedi order fell.

[circus-clangen]

Some scenarios made using incorrect quote generator:

Clownwish: I’ve never been in a snowball fight before. I don’t know the rules.

Tigertoe: What?

Clownwish: Is there a point system, or is it to the death?

— — —

Goldmask: Hey, you want to know a secret?

Ringstar: No.

Goldmask: Okay.

Ringstar:

Ringstar: Do you smell smoke?

Goldmask: The secret is that the caravan is on fire.

— — —

Clownwish: What is wrong with you?

Ringstar: Many, many things...

Clownwish: And most of them are your fucking fault.

— — —

Whippaw: Can you be quiet?! I'm trying to think.

Clownwish: Don't worry. Doing anything for the first time is difficult.

— — —

Whippaw: What are your adjectives?

Trapezetangle: …You mean my pronouns?

Whippaw: No, I know what your pronouns are! What are your adjectives?

Trapezetangle: …I dunno. What are yours?

Whippaw: Noisy and chaotic!

Trapezetangle: I’ve never had something go from making no sense to making complete sense so quickly.

— — —

Clownwish: What’s the status up here?

Ringstar: Fucked up, about to die. The usual.

— — —

(Tiger & Clown went to trespass on some clan’s territory to steal herbs)

Tigertoe, pointing to some clan cats: Distract them! I'll be right back! *leaves*

Clownwish: Okay!

*five minutes later*

Tigertoe: *returns and sees them unconscious on the ground* What did you do? I said distract them, not knock them out!

Clownwish: There's just no pleasing you sometimes.

— — —

Tigertoe: Don't go to the caravan.

Trapezetangle: Why?

Tigertoe: I saw a spider.

Trapezetangle: Well, did you kill it?

Tigertoe: It has 8 arms and I only have 2, it's not fair...

— — —

Clownwish: Look Whippaw, if you can fit your head down the gun’s barrel, you can assume it doesn’t have a non-lethal setting.

— — —

Clownwish: What’s your biggest fear?

Tigertoe: That I’ll never be good enough for anyone.

Ringstar: Everyone hates me and talks about me behind my back.

Whippaw: Zombies.

Clownwish: ...

Tigertoe: ...

Ringstar: …

Whippaw: BUT they can open doors.

— — —

Trapezetangle: What makes you all smile?

Tigertoe: Friends and Family.

Whippaw: Snacks.

Clownwish: Victory and success.

Ringstar: Face muscles.

— — —

Whippaw: What type of dog is this?

Trapezetangle: That’s a tortoise.

— — —

_: What is it called when you kill a friend?

Clownwish: Homicide.

Ringstar: Murder.

Whippaw: Homiecide.

— — —

Trapezetangle: The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was changing their name to Ringstar.

— — —

Trapezetangle: How do you want your coffee?

Tigertoe: Black, like my soul.

Trapezetangle: …

Clownwish: Tiger, your soul is a latte.

— — —

Tigertoe: ...I'm pretty sure that place is fire-proof, or something.

Clownwish, grenade in hand: Alright, but is it explosion-proof?

— — —

Tigertoe: Damn, the power went out.

Whippaw: Don’t worry, I got this.

Whippaw: *shakes rapidly and starts to light up*

Tigertoe: What-?

Whippaw: I swallowed a glow stick!

Tigertoe, on the verge of tears: WHY WOULD YOU-

— — —

Trapezetangle: You guys worried about Tigertoe?

Whippaw: Totally!

Clownwish: Yeah, they called me in the middle of the night and just yelled, "what do I do, what do I do, what do I do, what do I do?"

Whippaw: And what'd you say?

Clownwish: "I dunno, I dunno, I dunno, I dunno."

Trapezetangle:

Whippaw: They're lucky to have you as a brother.

— — —

Tigertoe: You know, you were right.

Clownwish: About what specifically? Because I’m right about a lot of things.

— — —

*Healing lessons with ringmaster*

Ringstar: You treat an outside wound with rubbing alcohol. You treat an inside wound with drinking alcohol.

— — —

Clownwish: I have seen a lot of murders in my time, and all six of them were today.

— — —

Ringstar(he is high): Hey kids?

Tigertoe: Yeah?

Ringstar: What's your favorite color of the alphabet? True or false?

Clownwish:

Tigertoe: ...What.

— — —

Kidnapper: I have one of your clanmates.

Clownwish: Which one? I have four.

Kidnapper: The loud, annoying, rowdy one who never shuts up.

Clownwish: Which one? I have four.

Whippaw, distantly: HEY!!!

— — —

Tigertoe: Hey, are you okay?

Ringstar: Yeah.

Tigertoe: You don't look okay...

Ringstar: Then stop looking.

— — —

Tigertoe: You're- violent…

Whippaw: Yeah but I'm also short and that's adorable.

— — —

Clownwish: Happy Scorpio season. If you have to burn a bridge, do it safely!

Ringstar: With NAPALM.

— — —

*talking about Goldmask*

Ringstar: They are beauty, they are grace..

Whippaw, runnning into the room: THEY CAN DESTROY THE HUMAN RACE!

— — —

Trapezetangle: The stars are so beautiful...

Clownwish: They're just giant balls of gas.

Trapezetangle: You know what, if you're just going to ruin this, then-

Clownwish: And yet none of them are as huge as my love for you.

Trapezetangle: Oh.

Obsessed w this…. They’re all so devious…

[i4oba]

mark as… 💭 / your college friend !? ⊹◞✿

your first ever lecture being anthropology, out of all options, was pretty much chaotic and a really humbling experience

you kind of felt lost?? with the lecturer throwing in some of his own antics, with a little too much of little pop culture doses

i mean, he was trying??? talking about batman all of a sudden, comparing a pretty much real theory to his logo or something

(not that you didn’t mention that during that really crazy one on one oral exam… BUT STILL?)

now that’s how you got to know mark lee

i mean, not during the exam, waaaay before that – the first lecture, being just as confused as you, he was.. probably trying to look for someone who was taking notes (preferably good ones at that)

and that’s when your eyes met his!

i guess the panic was so evident in the look you gave him, he just.. couldn’t help but laugh loud asf at your CONFUSED face

i mean, if it was the other way round, you would’ve laughed as well, what can i say..

but still, you had to whisper shout at him (which was weird in the middle of the lecture, being literal meter away from each other) ?? telling him to stop the shenanigans or else you’ll throw hANDS!!!????

(you ended up not doing that – you decided his face was too cute… yeah… pathetic…)

anyways… he literally waited !!!!!!! for you not so far from the lecture hall after it was finished and.. he kind of just??? approached you when he saw you exiting, face representing the Thousands of questions you were left behind

i mean, he felt the same kinda–

but anyways, it was quite.. awkward when you two first interacted. he didn’t really know what to say, you couldn’t really respond to him since all he could muster out was

well.. it sounded stupid

(because he was nervoussssss–i mean, who wouldn’t be when they are trying to hit on a pretty girl like you.. DUH?)

he ended up asking for your notes though.. but it was strategic, you know???

you gotta slide into his dms that way!!!!!! so he can try again!!!!!! (a little bit harder maybe idk)

i mean, you agreed but had a suspicious look while nodding, still trying to figure out his intentions

it really wasn’t clear honestly, he seemed so weird at first, and then he was friendly, offering help around the campus, and then suddenly he wanted to chat???

YOU HAD EYES OF COURSE. even at the omnious, freaking awful freshmen camp you couldn’t spot anyone that looked even half as good as him

but still…

he had that kinda “pretty boy next door” type of vibe which you honestly adored–probably that’s why you agreed on going to that party as well, he invited you to

it was silly of you, of course, and you couldn’t not notice the confused looks of your dormmate

you two knew each other for like.. 2 days and she was suddenly acting like your mother

“ughhh… that dude, you know, that johnny fella has that kind of reputation on campus…”

WHO THE FUCK IS JOHNNY!!!!!!!??????

“he’s a compsci major” she said, shrugging

“that’s literally where the fuckboys are at”

you were like What.. are yoU EVEN SAYING LMFAO

(every compsci major dude i’ve ever seen was a loser though… ?)

where she got that information???OUT OF HER ASS????

later on, like two days had to pass at most???? maybe just one and a half??? and she got invited as well–some chenle dude and her went to the same seminar and things just happened

not her opinion changing.. lol

but it was set now that you two are going together! mostly because she knew you don’t have any friends so.. she might as well help you out–that’s the least she can do after you two changed beds

she kind of made you out to be a loser that way.. like WHAT! YOU HAVE Friends… just

having a major on a different campus.. BUT STILL THE SAME SCHOOL!!!

she was always giving you that weirded tf out look whenever you mentioned it. like okay girl, go off, say whateva lol

but she felt the need to accompany you (GOD BLESS HER TBH)

looking all hot and stuff, you two both paid a visit to the house party which was… honestly pretty boring looking at first

like yeah, just a couple of dudes, not hype enough music either

you expected some kind of shitty techno untz untz music like in those german clubs

those are HYPE. or the eastern european clubs’ music.. elite tier i swear

but you got none of that, only a silly and honestly pretty mid ?? spotify playlist

it’s like giving the aux to someone who only listens to tiktok music like BFFR

right before you were about to leave this horrible gathering, you spotted mark, having a really heated conversation with a Damn Tall boy, snapback on both of their heads

they kind of looked like a couple lmfao OR TWINS

you were hesitant whether you should go and greet him but there was no actual reason that could pull you back

since your roommate literally found someone from her sociology 101 lecture and literally vanished from the surface of earth

Leaving you alone, with a horrible mix of vodka and some other shit you would’ve spit out if only there weren’t too many people

so yeah, there wasn’t any other choice you could’ve made, outside of leaving way too early

that’s how you ended up in the conversation with mark (and, later on you found out, johnny, who wasn’t actually that big of a douchebag your roommate had explained)

it was nice honestly, you got a chance to expose some Drama from high school, you got to talk about your arch nemesis (who attends the same college as you) and some other, unimportant stuff

but they were soooo interested it made you feel??Idk special or something

it really isn’t that frequent that you can shittalk and someone wouldn’t shut you up

and that is why you got back to mark every time–he listened. not only the funny bits of your life, he listened to everything you had to say: your life, school and problems with coursework (he even offered to help), and yeah..

lovelife as well.

you got together with someone from the same major as you–jaehyun.

he was funny, and charming, absolutely adorable and such a great lover??? And then… and then yeah

shit happened, like it always does and you were officialy Heartbroken

you couldn’t really handle it, even though it wasn’t your first time

(in high school, you dated one of the jocks and then got surprised he cheated on you like Dude those are infamous player lmfao…)

so the first person you went to was

your roommate! But she was busy as hell with assignments and exams so she kind of.. I mean she tried to help, but half of her attention was on you, and the other half glued to the monitor of her computer, reading stuff for her research paper

so you went to the second choice of yours–mark lee. but you didn’t mention that fact to him.. it would’ve hurted his heart deeply

you two went to the movies after you raged a little, cried a little into his shoulder and begged him to punch jaehyun in the face

he figured you should focus on something fun, instead of the self deprecating shit you’ve been on lately

and he was Absolutely Fully (ahah!) Truly right

you bought a ticket to the first movie you two saw, not even paying attention what it actually was

(it was a damn horror movie which was So Fucking scary you BOTH were left trembling from fear… pus-)

he used this fact for his own good… he invited you over… to his dorm… since his roommate went home for the weekend…

and the funniest thing is that you agreed, hurriedly messaging your friend, telling her not to wait for you, then ignoring ALL of her furiously typed down responses and calls even

she needed to focus ANYWAYS

so that’s how you ended up in mark’s dorm room… Yeah, yeah yeah

some might say it’s pathetic, some might say you’re dumb as Hell but what could you doooooo

he was looking at you with that extra adorable puppy look on his face… how could you resist

there was no way you could say no, it would’ve been heartless ????????

and you know what would’ve been even MORE heartless?????? Not giving a kiss on his beautiful lips that were literally SCREAMING for yours

It may or may not have been a bad choice but you couldn’t care less… suddenly you felt at ease, kissing him vigorously over and over again

soft hair between your fingers, his breath on your lips and sparkling eyes looking at you

maybe… maybe he was more?? Than a friend

(your roommate was about to slap you right then and there when you told her about the story though…)

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 403: (But Just That One Part, Because I'm Not Caught Up)

Previously on BnHA: Truly no idea, but it kind of looks like Katsuki is riding some sort of spaceship, and everyone has gotten really, really sparkly. I see you all have been busy these past 22 months. Great job, keep it up.

Today on BnHA: “So it’s come to my attention that a truly shocking number of you are only reading this manga for a single character.” – Horikoshi Kouhei, October 2023.

so. where to start, lol

I guess I should open with an apology, because I am about to make a fairly selfish decision! what I am about to do, is post a reaction to Bakugou’s Return To The Manga. however, because I’m not caught up, I’m going to be reading this one scene completely out of context without knowing anything about what is going on. which means that I’m going to be missing out on god knows how many nuances and details, which means this reaction post will be short on those things as well. so basically I’m prioritizing my own personal gratification as a fan here even though it is 100% going to affect the quality of my reaction blog, and for that I genuinely am sorry. eventually I will finish catching up, and when that happens I will post a proper reaction with all the trimmings. that’s just how it is for now though

anyway so with that said, basically what I’ve done now is I have gone to the scanlation website, and clicked on chapter 403, and then scrolled down through most of the chapter while sort of half-looking away from my screen with my eyes squinted so that everything is mostly blurry, until I finally reached the big double-page spread with you-know-who doing his thing. namely, standing around on this giant glowy cereal bowl from the future, which appears to be either hovering up in the air, or slowly crashing onto the ground

and this right here, is exactly what I was rambling on about a moment ago. you guys I really am sorry to be doing this, because even I can tell this should be solemn and sincere moment of awe and excitement and relief. but because I completely lack any context whatsoever for wtf is happening, most of the dramatic impact is lost on me, and to tell the truth right now this page is a hell of a lot funnier than it has any right to be

like, so Deku. this boy is crying all the tears. I recklessly scrolled back up one page to see why, and it appears the answer is Because All Might Is About To Fucking Die (which, !??!?), so that’s actually VERY fucked up, and I’m sure I will have PAGES AND PAGES OF WORDS to say about all of that once I finally catch up properly. that is very traumatic and emotional and I will probably cry a lot about it

BUT, that being said, I just need you guys to know that without that context, Deku standing here with his giant head all >:O in the foreground, while Kacchan appears out of nowhere glowing with the power of a thousand suns and standing on top of this giant floating Smash Bros level that Nezu maybe probably built with his nine million dollars, is one of the wildest fucking things I’ve seen in my life. I feel like an accidental time traveler. you know when a character has one of those crazy prophetic dreams showing them chaotic glimpses of the future, and they’re just standing there all “???” because they have absolutely no clue what the fuck is going on? that is what it’s like right now

heh but there he is

“did you miss me, Izuku. back by popular demand after being on IR for 14 goddamn months. rebuilt better and stronger than ever thanks to the heroic spaghetti man wrapped tightly around my heart keeping me alive. just BnHA things. just a flesh wound. by the way, it’s me, Kacchan, just in case you didn’t recognize me on account of my still being really far away and completely covered by smoke, and also you thinking I was dead. here let me give you a close up to make this easier”

“fuck yeah. it really is me, btw. just in case you still couldn’t tell on account of me also being like 100x prettier than you remembered. guess it’s just that blindingly handsome character development”

also, “the end of an era” um hello, yes, what?? just what exactly have I missed here with all this All Might stuff?? because apparently All Might just prior to this was in some sort of mortal danger, is what I’ve been hearing, because everyone keeps posting excitedly about Kacchan showing up in the nick of time to save him? which incidentally makes my heart so incredibly fucking warm omg. it’s what both of them need AND deserve

why is everything so goddamn sparkly right now. this is like a Sailor Moon battle over here

love that look of instant recognition and shock and overpowering relief in Deku’s eyes though. also has he really been fighting in this cracked out OFA-overflowing mode this entire time?? he looks just like he did on the cover of volume 37. I still haven’t seen his actual canon reaction to the “death”, and I haven’t been keeping tabs on his fight with AFO??/Tomura?? at all, but I’m glad it looks to have been as emotional as I could have hoped

aw fuck yeah

his precious card. I’m now almost as invested in the saga of the All Might card as I am in all the rest of this. it’s all beat to hell, but somehow still made it through in the end. just like him

oh. my. g

protect them.

protect them all.

so is the reason this fight is so sparkly just because of OFA symbolism, then?? or is there something else happening here?? goddammit, okay, I‘m gonna very carefully scroll back to the beginning of the chapter, because I’m 100% positive there is some sort of deeply meaningful symbolic thing going on here and I’ll be damned if I miss out on it, spoilers or no

-- oh my goD??!

1. BABY ALL MIGHT WHAAAAAAT

IS THAT HIS MOM???? OH MY GOD DID WE GET ALL MIGHT BACKSTORY. oh my god. oh god. no actually don’t tell me, ahhhh I cannot fucking wait to read this properly, holy shit

so did something wind up happening to Mighty Mom later on then?? feels like it must have, since he wound up getting so attached to Nana? man I don’t want to think about any of that stuff after seeing this panel though :( just, damn it, why is this man’s whole entire life so goddamn fucking tragic

“the one thing I’ve done most is looking back to the path I took” my god I cannot wait to read this. only two short pages and I’m already buried miles deep into my All Might feels. came here for the triumphant Kacchan return and now I’m sitting here tearing up about All Might, god damn you Horikoshi YOU’VE STILL GOT IT. and I am STILL A SUCKER FOR ALL OF IT

anyway, so now back we go to the last couple of pages with this additional context, aaaaand...

...and apparently I’m now full-on crying about All Might! (: well how about that. turns out when you read the manual and follow the instructions properly this series still works exactly as advertised. don’t mind me I’m just sitting here sobbing because everything is exactly what I wanted and I apparently don’t know how to deal with that!!

THEIR FEELINGS BECOME WHAT?!?!?!

EVERYTHING IS EXACTLY WHAT I WANTED AND I’M GONNA BE A MESS ABOUT IT FROM NOW UNTIL THE END OF TIME BECAUSE LIFE IS GRAND!!

ARE ALL OF THESE WATERY SPARKLES LIKE. DEKU’S FUCKING TEARS LMAO OR WHAT. HOW IS KACCHAN IN THE SPLASH ZONE. HOW ARE HIS TEARS HOLDING UP THE SPACESHIP. I DON’T UNDERSTAND A GODDAMN THING BUT THIS IS NOW OFFICIALLY A SHOUJOU MANGA, I DON’T MAKE THE RULES

the urge to ruffle baby Deku and baby Kacchan’s hair is so goddamn powerful you don’t understand. this is PRIMAL. they are SO happy and SO good and perfect. I’m gonna fucking die

there’s not even any dialogue. what the fuck are they even gonna say. their expressions say it all and more. also they are being kind to me because they know I’m not caught up so they don’t want to spoil me any further, thank you my sons

lastly, I guess, because I don’t really have anything else to add now that my brain has fully turned to sappy mush: so uh. I truly have not the slightest clue how or why, but. does Kacchan have OFA though. and why is the answer, “yes he definitely does.” ???

like, I don’t understand it, but I confess that by now I have spoiled myself on the last few pages of chapter 362 for reasons (those reasons being “I finally gave in and looked at them on purpose, because I’d already seen most of them out of context here and there, and my willpower is only so strong”), and so I know that this boy was talking to vestige!Might, and as far as I’m aware that is 100% not possible unless he has some sort of connection to OFA in some way so yeah

and now here he on this last page being all Profoundly Connected with Deku while they gaze into each other’s eyes, and I can’t help but notice that said eyes are all explodey and they look a LOT like Deku’s actually. and on top of that we have all of this All Might symbolism that I’m still crying about, so like? ???

anyway so I’m not going crazy here right? like this is definitely a thing? for whatever reason?? unless you guys know something here that I don’t. in which case I actually am asking to be spoiled fully just this once, because at this point I just need to know one way or the other and I don’t care lol

anyway so that concludes my thoughts I guess! so now my absurdly ambitious goal is to speed read the manga this next week and hopefully at least catch up to Kacchan’s “death”, so that I can better understand what’s happening when I inevitably wind up spoiling myself for chapter 404 as well. the plan right now is to still type up my liveblog notes as I go, but to not worry about posting or editing anything in between chapters. so I’ll have a big backlog of chapter recaps which I’ll eventually get to uploading whenever I can, but in the meantime I can participate more in the fandom side of things. since I really want to share all of my endgame theories and so forth, but in order to do that I really need to find out just what the fuck is actually going on lol, so yeah

[andromedism]

In 2017, I watched “The Gang Tends Bar” as it aired live, and it’s all kind of a blur but I remember three things very clearly:

Sunnyblr was POPPING. To this day, I still see TGTB posts floating around with 10k notes and they are all still so fucking good. My beautiful relics of an absolutely insane time.

Airing A Crickets Tale that very next week is probably one of the most chaotic things that was happening to Tumblr at that time. We were all like, “Mmm, thanks for whatever that was, RCG! So yummy! Now can we have another helping of repressed middle-aged gay men?” and they said, “Okay, sure! Here’s more of that but make it foreboding,” and aired “Dennis’ Double Life” the very next week after THAT.

I didn’t sleep the night TGTB aired. I was a freshman in college and I went to class the next day and just stared at nothing during my lecture because I was so blown away by it. At 18, it was one of the most formative experiences I’ve ever had with television. Raw, emotional moments have always been so much more impactful to me in comedic shows. I still consider it one of the most romantic episodes of any show I’ve ever seen. I’m 25 now, and I have never forgotten the way I felt the first time I saw this episode. My life is entirely different now from February of 2017, but my feelings about TGTB are exactly the same if not intensified.

Bonus Big Feelings:

Once you’ve watched “Dennis’ Double Life,” TGTB reads so differently—it hurts so much more. Because you know how it ends for them and you never get closure. YOU NEVER GET CLOSURE.

Something about Glenn’s hair being outstandingly hot in S12 really brought everything together, that year + heightened the pining. He would do something and we’d all be like “ok work!”

Season 16 is the closest I’ve felt to Season 12 levels of deranged. I think this makes sense since S16, stylistically, reminds me the most of classic Sunny and somehow, also, every macden fic I’ve ever read.

I never had a good reference point for whether other people outside of Sunnyblr read that episode as incredibly queer, or Just Guys Being Dudes, but most of my comms class watched this show, and we were all foaming at the mouth talking about it the next day. Everyone was like, “Oh my god! It’s getting gayer! We won!”

Reflecting on where I was in life when TGTB, and when this most recent season aired, I can’t help but wonder where we’ll all be if they touch noses. Season 24 is our seasons guys.

[entomolog-t]

Finding Strength

Finally finished a G/t July Prompt; Impulsive! I’ve been planning this story for a little while based off of this post, and I’m so happy for an excuse to start posting it! 

- - - -

Next Chapter: Chapter 2

Word count: 2715

CW: Adult language

Life was good, thought Tamius, and he needed it to stay that way. The tiny man slipped out from the small hole he’d made behind the fridge, with more than just a little skip to his step. He found himself dancing as he trotted out from beneath the appliance, some peculiar human song stuck in his head as he strutted out in the open. Like clockwork, at 4:01 pm he had heard the human clamor down the stairs, apparently giving up the hunt for some misplaced bottle of perfume, followed by the thud of the door as she darted out of the house. A near identical scene would play out almost every other day; Always in a rush. 

This human's apparent lack of time management leading up to whatever it was humans did when they left their homes was the greatest blessing he could ask for. That titanic fool would pick up her phone, notice the time and barrel out of the house, hastily leaving whatever it was she had been doing unattended. Most days this was usually in the form of food left on the table, alongside whatever they had been doing on their laptop. 

He quickened his pace to a jog, the air around him filled with the scent of something absolutely divine awaiting him on the kitchen table. His parents had been so worried about him going out to find a place of his own- but man, they were worried for absolutely nothing. All that fretting and bothersome nagging about safety protocols and potential dangers had nearly had him question if he was ready to go out on his own- but this was so easy! He’d somehow managed to stumble across the easiest human imaginable; The epitome of obliviousness. This colossal oaf a woman was scattered, unorganized, and inattentive; the perfect combination in his mind. Scavenging was always plentiful, and even better yet, she never noticed a single thing he took. 

A total ditz, he thought. 

His luck hadn’t stopped there either. Even with her chaotic nature, this perfect mess of a human was somehow still wonderfully predictable; Out of the house by 4:00pm nearly everyday, back by 7:00pm, in bed by 10:00pm.

But the best part? That enormous twit was the least intimidating human he’d ever seen. He had watched them countless times, almost pitying them as they struggled with each step up the stairs. Their movements were perpetually stiff and sluggish, as if they were perpetually exhausted… The only time he’d seen any sort of energy from them was when they’d dart out of the house. 

He tossed his hook upwards, a smirk playing across his face as it caught the edge of the table on the first try. Oh yeah, this borrowing stuff is a cakewalk. Hand over hand, he scaled the length of kitchen twine he’d swiped a few weeks back, loving how its rough texture provided him extra grip as he climbed.

Heaving himself up, he surveyed his score. He could have kissed that bumbling idiot. There it was, a half finished stack of banana pancakes, complete with chocolate chips and maple syrup. His mouth watered. He walked up to the plate, hands perched on his hips. He had brought a wad of cling wrap to take back food in his bag… but…

Fuck it. 

She wouldn’t be home until 7:00, why not enjoy a meal at the table?

Tamius continued to hum that strangely catchy human song, reveling in the freedom of being out in the open. He found himself bouncing along to the rhythm, anticipation building for the oh-so-sweet bounty before him. Nimbly, he danced around the plate, his skillful movements filled with lighthearted vigor, as he avoided stepping in the pools of syrup. He ripped off a large and syrup soaked chunk of pancake, and proceeded to stuff his face. Thank God for dumb huma- 

His thought was interrupted by the slam of a door and a myriad of expletives. He felt his body go rigid.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck, I’m going to be late.”

Fuck was right. 

Deep breath. He hastily scanned his surroundings. Kleenex box on the table. Cup to his right. Bag on the chair- Bingo. 

He dove. 

Tamius landed in the open bag with a soft thud, rolling into a stand. 

He felt a familiar cocksure grin creep back onto his face. Too easy. This human could throw no curveball that could catch hi-

For the second time in the span of less than a minute, his thoughts were interrupted. His world lurched and he was flung back, narrowly stifling a yelp.

Oh- oh no.  

She had come back for the bag. 

It was his turn to curse; a torrent of expletives slipped from his lips, whispered fiercely through gritted teeth. Where the fuck was he supposed to hide?? He was trapped. Unknowingly caught. No. This couldn’t be happening. His heart pounded in his ears, nearly drowning out the thunderous steps taking him further and further away from his home. He felt his throat tighten. Fuck. He ran trembling hands through his hair, pulling at firstfulls as if should he pull hard enough he’d rip an idea straight from his scalp. The booming slam of the car door pulled him from his spiraling thoughts. 

He needed a plan, and he needed one now. 

Breathe. Scan. Asses. Decide. He inhaled deeply, and tried desperately to ignore how his breath quivered in his chest. He was fine. Not scared at all. This human was an absolute ditz. The epitome of human idiocy. He just needed to figure out how to keep out of that colossal ditz’ line of sight. The car engine roared to life and Tamius felt as his every muscle stiffened. They were leaving.  He steeled his nerves. 

Think. Don’t focus on the car. You need a plan. 

His legs seemed to move on their own, as if trying to keep pace with his frantic thoughts.

Okay, so I’m trapped. We are driving away from the house. If I stay in the bag, the bag will get brought back to the house around 7:00…

He chewed his lip. Three hours was a long time to lay in wait in the stupid confined space of the bag, but what other option did he have?? He could try to escape while that big oaf was driving, but then he’d still need to get back in the bag to get back into the house… The house that was growing farther and farther away by the second. 

What if he had to abandon the bag? He had no idea where he was. Even if he did, the distance to get back would be insurmountable. His heart hammered in his chest. Leaving the bag was not an option. There was no way in Hell he was leaving this easy life behind. He would figure something out… He had to. 

Tamius scanned his surroundings. The bag hadn’t been zipped all the way, and there was just enough light pouring through the opening that he could aptly assess his situation. He sat atop a towel, a pair of shoes to his left, haphazardly thrown in. There was a water bottle beneath him, along with various articles of clothing and a mishmash of smaller items scattered about; pens, deodorant, a granola bar, lip chap, perfume... He let a small smile creep on his face. This human was a mess, and he would not let himself be unintentionally found by someone incapable of intentionally finding their own belongings. If this idiot would just put things in the proper pocket, she’d have no- 

Thats it!

He took the small knife he’d fashioned from a discarded razor from his hip. That massive idiot never used the proper pockets! Carefully, he crawled towards the front of the bag. Closing his eyes, he tried to visualize how the pockets were oriented on the bag. In his mind's eye, he saw it; the pouch that sat at the lower half of the front of the bag. Yes! This would work! Opening his eyes, he cautiously judged the distance to right and left. He was dead center. Perfect. 

Taking his knife, he sliced methodically, keeping the incision as small as he could manage, lest his handiwork be noticed before returning home. Gingerly, he cut his way into the front pocket, clambering inside. He breathed a sigh of relief;  it was completely empty. She had no reason to peek in this pocket. He was safe. 

Tamius barely managed to finish his sigh of relief when he felt himself lurch forward as the car came to a halt. He clenched his teeth. Everything is fine. There’s nothing to worry about. The dumb human was just going to do dumb human things for a few hours and then he’d be back home, safe and sound. He just needed to wait it out. 

His world was jostled as the bag was haphazardly lifted up and slung around the human’s shoulder. He gripped onto the internal fabric of the bag’s front pocket to avoid getting sent flying around. His stomach felt as if it dropped farther and farther with each step, and he swore he could taste the sweetness of the banana pancakes rising up in his throat. Tamius swallowed hard. 

Enough of that. This was pathetic. He’d found a safe spot. All he had to do was wait around for what? Like 2 hours and change? A total cakewalk. Baby Food. An absolute nothing. This was fine and he was fine. 

He listened intently, trying to gather any information he could about his location and surroundings. The sound of a door closing shut... Foot falls echoing… Voices… Voices with a particular resonance. He grimaced. Wherever he was, it sounded like a large open space. As he continued to listen, his scowl deepened. He counted the voices; one, two.. Three… four, five, six… seven… 

He stopped after he reached 10. Suffice to say there were too many humans. 

The feeling of dread was overwhelming. He couldn’t see a damned thing, and though he doubted he wanted to see his predicament, the lack of sight gave him a creeping feeling of being vulnerable. The booming voices resonating in an open room so far above him… he felt so small. 

No. 

Not felt. 

He was so small. 

Of course he knew he was small. He’d never stood taller than a coffee mug for the entirety of his life… and yet… he never truly felt small. Not like this. This was overwhelming. The mental barrier he'd work so hard to wedge between his conscious mind and the primal fear that lurked just beneath the surface shook under the realization of his own insignificance. Just the presence of beings so astronomically larger than himself made his stomach churn. His head fell into his hands as he struggled to keep himself from shaking. God, he felt pathetic. Just a few hours. He could manage. He would manage. 

The booming chatter died down as the sound of human music filled the room. A strange rhythmic thundering coincided with the change in ambiance. He could feel the floor shake beneath him. As strange as the surrounding noise was, he welcomed the sound of human music. 

You could never know what it's like

Your blood, like winter, freezes just like ice

And there's a cold, lonely light that shines from you

You’ll wind up like the wreck you hide behind that mask you use

He found his voice joining in, shaky and soft,

"And did you think this fool could never win?

Well, look at me I’m coming back again, 

I got a taste of love in a simple way, 

And if you need to know while I’m still standing, you just fade away,”

As he sang along softly he felt his anxiety melt away, slowly but surely. The minutes dragged on, punctuated by changes in songs, and occasional muffled shouting, indistinguishable from the surrounding noise. Tamius tried to calculate how long he had left by adding up the approximate time of each song… two minutes here, four minutes there - 

Thud. 

A tremor far more impactful than all those preceding it shook him from his thoughts. He heard a distinct grunt, and then, again, another thundering sound of impact, like something colossal crashing down. The noise was far greater than any foot falls he’d ever heard. 

Thud. 

He heard a human speaking somewhere above him. Though muffled, he recognized it as his enormous dolt of a human. She had muttered something about needing to use more.. hip?? Surely he couldn’t have heard that right. 

Thud. 

“Better, but like, I feel like I’m not getting any pop, you know?” What??

Another voice muttered something in apparent agreement. 

“You mind if I try one more time?” 

This piqued his interest. Carefully he gripped the rear of the zipper, opening the front pocket just a fraction. Just enough to see what could be causing such a commotion… and what it could possibly have to do with hips and popping??

As he laid his gaze on the pair of humans the fear he felt was instantaneous and palpable (tasting strangely like banana pancakes). He knew no amount of quiet singing would quell the rising panic from what he’d seen. For a moment, it was as if his brain refused to register the scene before him, as he stood unmoving, mouth agape. He saw his human, but it was as if he was truly seeing her for the first time. 

Her messy hair, slick and soaked in sweat, and tied back revealing sharp and focused eyes. Her figure, no longer drowning in her typical oversized clothing, was not at all what he had expected. Her broad frame had always seemed to suggest she was heavier, and he'd assumed they had just been soft, or chubby… Looking now, she was certainly broad, but the size she carried was overwhelmingly muscular. Each thundering step caused her legs to tense and relax, giving Tamius flashes of muscular definition. He swallowed numbly. Awe and horror swirled in his mind. He wanted to look away… pretend he'd never seen the sheer power that had been sitting underneath her lazy attire, but he couldn't. This couldn’t be her. 

She was smiling; saying something to another human towering above him. He hated how familiar it was; her smile, her laugh… it was undeniably her, yet it was as if he could barely recognize the behemoth standing before him. He stared up at the pair, mind somehow both racing and numb simultaneously… And then they moved. 

He felt like the wind had been sucked out of him. 

Humans were supposed to be slow. His human especially. But the reality he had become so accustomed to seemed to crumble around him. The other human reached towards her, but with uncanny precision, she redirected the incoming arm before it could touch her, her body moving with obscene fluidity. Tamius found the ease of her movements disturbing, as he watched her clear past the oncoming arm, stepping in flush to the other human's side. Her free hand reached around their body, with her trailing hand snapping around the opposite side, locking her grip tightly around the other human's body. 

Before Tamius’ brain could catch up to what was happening, the human was airborne. 

Thud. 

His whole world seemed to shake. Both physically and metaphorically. 

No. 

No. No. No. 

He felt bile creep up his throat. This… this couldn’t be her. She's a mess. An idiot. A ditz. Not.. not this!  She fucking threw another human with such well practiced ease as slinging a bag over her shoulder. His knees trembled for a brief moment before giving out entirely. He fell back into her bag, tension rising as reality set in around him. 

That human was a threat. 

He looked down at his hands. They trembled. Stop.... Stop. Stop! STOP! FUCKING STOP! It felt as though he was pleading with his body, begging it to submit to him. His hands never stopped shaking. Hiding was all he had, wasn't it? Not strength, not speed, not agility… The only thing keeping him safe was the fact he was too small to be noticed.

And he needed it to stay that way. 

[princessfbi]

okey so i need some tv recs for this hiatus 911 fan overall procedure fans i guess that's all the vibe i can think of to ask lol so hit me with your recs

EXCELLENT! So glad you’ve come to me Nonnie. I am honored. This is in no particular order but in terms of general procedurals with similar 911 vibes I’ve got a couple:

1. Sirens

It’s about a paramedic team in Chicago and it’s fucking hilarious. We're talking laugh out loud can still quote it from memory hilarious. There’s two seasons and each episode is about 25 minutes so it’s easy to get through. There is a British counterpart that is also funny but it’s definitely a different tone for sure.

**If you were a fan of Arrow then you'll recognize Josh Segarra

***Also you can scream with me and @lucydonato about the show

2. ER

I always describe 911 to people as ER for first responders. Part of that is because it’s so episodic. It gets really melodramatic at times and there are a LOT of story lines but for the most part the general stakes keep to one episode at a time and the show gives you permission to let things go which is nice. I’m a fan of the earlier seasons as opposed to the later seasons but Angela Bassett is in the last season. Lots of great guest spots and very character driven.

**Characters do die in this show so be aware of MCD warnings. No one is safe in that show. Except maybe Noah Wylie but that's cus it's Noah Wylie.

3. Numb3rs

It’s an awesome crime procedural with a twist on it. The oldest brother, Don, is an FBI agent who has his baby brother, Charlie, help him solve crime using math. This show has all the tropes too. Brother relationship, found family, etc etc.

4. Psych

It’s a procedural with a much lighter tone. Shawn pretends to be psychic and solves crime. It’s chaotic and messy and wonderful and perfect.

**Gives me coming home from the pool and vegging on the couch summer vibes.

5. Castle

On the same side of the coin, it’s another procedural with a twist. Castle is a successful mystery novelist who helps solve crime. Nathan Fillion for those fans of The Rookie and there's a lot powerful female characters in it.

6. Murder, She Wrote

MSW walked so that Castle could run. This is an oldie but a good. Angela Lansbury is a mystery writer who solves crime. It’s super cool knowing that she insisted on hiring a lot of older guest stars so that they could continue to be in the union and get their benefits. Also omg the 80s/90s wardrobe. There's also a couple of episodes with other detectives and crime solvers when Angela started to get tired carrying the weight of quality television on her shoulders.

7. Drop Dead Diva

THIS is such a good law procedural. It has the added bonus as having the same casting director as 911 so you’ll see a lot of familiar faces. But Deb is a model who died and got reincarnated in the body of a plus size lawyer named Jane and it’s the most wonderful little nugget that just existed in its own space. It was SO ahead of it's time on certain issues and it deals with a variety of topics such as body shaming, slut shaming, mental health, etc in such a kind and compassionate and positive way.

**Gives me late summer 'I haven't moved from the couch and omg it's season three' vibes

8. Scorpion

A team of geniuses (with neurodivergent representation in action genre scenarios) who help solve crime and crisis situations for homeland security. Lots of found family feelings! SO MANY! Big time character driven show.

9. White Collar

A white collar criminal agrees to help solve crime with the FBI agent who arrested him. Neal is so whumpable and it's one of the few times I've seen a fandom really embrace the idea of a poly relationship in fanon? Idk I wasn't really in it but the fics I saw all seemed to agree that no one would complain if Peter, Neal, and Elizabeth all lived happily ever after with their golden retriever. NOW, I will say this is a Jeff Eastin show and he has a tendency to take the amazing female characters in the show, throw them in a blender, and then bring them back as Frankenstein's monster bride and act like he didn't just ruin their character and it drives me fucking insane. BUT those first couple of seasons are fantastic.

Ask Me for TV Recs To Get You Through Hiatus

[hellshire-harlot]

What your Resident Evil Village Crush says about you

Lady Alcina Dimitrescu

You’re either a basic guy or a sapphic individual, and you really need a hug, preferably by a maternal figure.

Bela Dimitrescu

You’re an oldest daughter who has all the responsibilities shoved onto you by your parents and you probably listen to Melanie Martinez religiously.

Cassandra Dimitrescu

You have unchecked levels of violence contained within you, and you generally go unnoticed because you’re the quiet person. Also probably Transfem.

Daniella Dimitrescu

You’re either a younger brother or an older sister and romanticize literally everything because if you don’t you’ll go insane. Your favorite aesthetic is gothic academia.

Lady Donna Beneviento

You just want to give her the love she deserves, also probably introverted, and if you’re feminine aligned, definitely like Cottagecore. You listen to Evanescence unironically and wish she had more screen time.

Angie Beneviento

You’re absolutely chaotic and want to cause problems on purpose. Also probably Objectum and/or alterhuman in some way.

Lord Salvatore Moreau

You like sad guys and have said the phrase “I could fix him”/“I could make him worse” unironically. You also have at least one foot in the monsterfucking community.

Lord Karl Heisenberg

You are also filled with rage, but specifically at authority figures who have abused you. You want to hurt people and you aren’t afraid to admit it. You also are so incredibly kinky and want him to use his powers on you one way or another, and many of you are the most pathetic transmasc pillow princes I’ve ever seen lmao. Also probably a Wintersberg shipper. Canon doesn’t exist if you don’t look at it.

Mother Miranda

How’s that religious trauma treating you?

Ethan Winters

You call him your poor little meow meow and make all the jokes about how fucked up he is. You either ship him with Karl and hate Mia with a passion, ship him with Mia and defend their relationship, or a secret third thing (Mithanberg). You love body horror and wish Capcom had explored it more in the games.

The Duke

You like larger individuals and love the charm he has. You probably stayed near his caravan just because you liked hearing him talk. You read all the stories about him giving the Winterses therapy.

Mia Winters

You viciously defend her against the people who think she’s evil but also recognize her flaws. You like to imagine how she must have felt while imprisoned and think she would have made a better protagonist than Ethan.

(Adult!) Rosemary Winters

You love girlboss characters and cried during the entirety of Shadows of Rose. You’re a sucker for rebellious high school romances and also enjoy characters such as Eleanor Lamb and/or Cheryl Mason.

Chris Redfield

You just love watching him get progressively worse in every game and honestly I can respect that.

[thygoddessouijathicc]

Dave and Jack are gay and there is proof

So the fandom liked my post on the wedding dress thing so I’ve decided to make yet another DSAF text post on DSAF headcanons with rationals behind them. This time on a much bigger one with far more evidence actually, that is all but (and might actually be) confirmed.

This headcanon of course I am speaking of is Dave and Jack being gay. This is the most popular headcanon in the fandom, and for good reason. I have yet to hear any opposing opinions actually, the fandom is again unanimous. I’m going to make this post anyway for new fans and the like.

CAUTION FOR SPOILERS FOR THE DSAF 3 ENDINGS

Just about anyone who has played, watched, or engaged in any way with DSAF has likely noticed that Dave (a character who can either be your best friend or your nemesis depending on your route) and the protagonist of the game, Jack, occasionally have interactions with decidedly fruity undertones.

Although I have not seen as much evidence that JACK is gay, given that his personality varies greatly depending on how he’s played in most games, although his being gay can quickly at least be surmised from his final speech to Dave in the true ending of the third game, although not directly stating anything specific about their relationship, does have Jack imply subtly that there is something there.

If you count things the player can make Jack say specifically rather than just things he says on his own, then Jack being gay is a resounding yes, as lines of dialogue like “thanks bae”, *blush and nod*, and more are very much in the games.

Furthermore, Jack compares if not straight up calls Davetrap his ex during the good ending of DSAF 3 with Roger. Dave and Jack also slept in the same bed while in Vegas.

As for Dave being gay, there is a lot more there. Like infinity more than I think I could ever cover, but I’ll try.

Dave very frequently calls Jack pet names, in fact, I think I can count on one hand how many times he’s actually called Jack by his actual name. He also seems to blatantly flirt with him ingame.

Dave confesses to having seen Jack’s bedroom before, and in the third game further is revealed to have set up cameras in Jack’s house, connected his vents to his house to “protect” Jack, and have had frequently used his shower and toothbrush. Not exactly healthy behaviour or signs of a healthy relationship, but DSAF is DSAF, there is an ending in the third game where you burn down your restaurant because of furries.

Davetrap, although a manipulative character, and not a very good person, is one of the bigger causes for Dave being clearly gay. Davetrap, having less restraint than his Flipside counterpart and being more disturbingly obsessive, has done a number of things to confirm the ship.

First of all, Davetrap waited 30 years for Jack, and fixed Henry’s old suit in order to try to springlock him so they can be together forever, and that’s just not a thing you do with a friend. Even if it’s toxic and fucked, we’re trying to prove he’s gay, not that he’s a good person, honestly, Flipside Dave himself after his whole redemption arc is Chaotic Good at best, Chaotic Neutral to Chaotic Evil at worst, although I believe more Chaotic Neutral.

If you side with Davetrap, things get gayer from here. If you chose to hire the female nightgaurd, Davetrap berates you, not due to sexism, rather because she has an extra hole to fill with animatronic parts, going on to talk about how his own asshole is a cavern due to previously mentioned animatronic parts. The interaction ends of course with Dave implying that he wants Jack to “find something” to fill the hole. Well ok then.

Finally getting to the part I’m sure most of you have been waiting for, Davetrap’s confession, the reason I said this might be fully canon. During the bad ending of the third game Davetrap takes you down to the Fazbunker, trying to cheer himself up as he feels something is wrong. In the final room he figures out what it is, and apologizes for springlocking Jack, showing genuine care for his well-being. Jack, manipulated by Henry, then scares the shit out of Davetrap, and rips off his head. However, just before his death, Davetrap says “Don’t do this, I love you”. The reason this doesn’t fully prove it in my mind is that it could have been said out of desperation and that only Davetrap says this, Flipside Dave never says anything of this manner specifically. However I do not believe that Davetrap was lying here, as the lines previously in which he expresses guilt towards his actions and his affects on Jack prove that he does indeed care a lot for him, and while he might have been desperate, all evidence proves that he was not lying. I just can’t accept this as full undeniable evidence as, again, we never get anything like this from Flipside Dave.

That’s not to say Flipside Dave is not in love with Jack however. To the contrary, he most definitely is. Case and point. The pizza flirt.

When interacting with the pizza thingy I don’t care to learn the name of, Dave asks Jack how he likes his pizza, then proceeds to ask him if he’d ever be willing to have eggplant on his pizza. This, in context, is a very clear case of Dave very non-subtly flirting with Jack.

To go to the ending of the good route, upon finding out Jack cannot move on due to not having a soul, Dave freaks out, says he can’t go on without Jack, and says he would rather stay in the void with Jack. Jack only gets him to leave giving him Blackjack, the embodiment of his own soul which cannot join back with his body, telling him Blackjack will not leave him.

For misc evidence, during the evil route of the second game Dave changes his plan to include torturing Peter when Jack gets fired because it bothered him, referring to Jack as his “orange baby”, and insinuating that he cares more about Jack’s pain than his own.

There is an ending in which Dave says “Old Sport you will be mine” while attempting to shoot up Freddy’s.

Although Flipside Dave unlike Davetrap never actually says that he loves Jack, he does call him the “tangerine to my aubergine”, which in my opinion is pretty close.

During the neutral ending of the third game, Jack yells at Davetrap, saying how he only opened his Freddy’s location for money, specifically saying “do you think any of this was because I loved Freddy’s? Or loved YOU?”. Davetrap then responds by opening up his mask (if I recall the only time he does this), crying and saying he’s going to go cry in a dumpster, alone.

On one of Dave’s tapes he goes crazy and vows to find Jack.

In Dave’s diary he says he’s “really wild about Jack”, and writes his nickname a lot. I also heard something about having files of pictures of Jack in a maid dress, and Jack having pictures of Dave in a maid dress, although I don’t know if this is true or not.

Finally, what all of you have been waiting for. Doggo has confirmed that both Dave and Jack are pan or bi, Jack having a preference for men. Doggo has also stated that he himself ships these two, although it was intentionally made ambiguous.

So to close off my argument, here are the results. In all endings of DSAF 3, as well as all prior games, Dave is in love with Jack, Jack himself varies, seemingly only being gay during the third good ending and some routes in the previous games, although in the neutral route and the bad route of the third game he decided does not like Dave at all.

[sitp-recs]

HP Rec Fest, Day 19

@hprecfest couldn’t come up with a better prompt on my birthday if they wanted 😂 my moment to be the horny on main has finally come (pun intended) and I had so much fun planning this rec post - it’s been a long time coming too, as naturally this was the very first prompt I checked when the fest started! You can probably guess just by looking at this rec list that I’m a big smut fan and champion. I love reading it, talking about it and reccing it. The fics I reread the most are PWPs and I’m even more obsessed when they offer hot dirty talk (am actually picky about it!) and exceptional character development. In fact, some of the most insightful, sensitive and sophisticated character studies I’ve seen come from deeply underrated smutty fics and I’ll die on this hill!

Today I’m breaking my own rule of only reccing two fics and avoiding stories I’ve recced before because a) this is too good an opportunity to scream about my faves again b) it’s my birthday and I can do whatever I want 😌 the Drarry rec was actually bit more challenging as my usual smutty favorites involve rare pairs. I’ve been working hard to highlight lesser known fics but this time I’m staying true to the request - which of course it’s completely subjective - and chose my favourite even if it’s a widely known and popular fic. I feel so privileged to be reading and reccing these masterpieces as a birthday celebration! You’ll find some of my favourite quotes below, as a treat 🔥

Day 19) fic with the hottest smut

Drarry:

Tales from the Special Branch by Femme (E, WIP)

“You slag," he says, but there's no sharpness to the words. They're warm and soft, and he stills, looking up at Potter, his heart stuttering. "Whore," Potter whispers. It comes out like an endearment, gentle against Draco's jaw.

Draco's eyes flutter shut. His whole body feels heated, flushed, every nerve ending aware of Potter pressed against him. The phial of lube is still clenched tight in his fingers; he lets it slide free, dropping to the coverlet beside them. "I want you," he says. "It's madness, I know. We've lost our bloody minds." He opens his eyes, and Potter's watching him, hair mussed, cheeks pink.

"I can't keep away," Potter says. He strokes a knuckle along Draco's face. "I don't want to keep away."

I considered going for a hidden gem but it was no use, I just had to celebrate this epic classic and stay true to my heart! when it comes to ust and smut imo this is hands down the hottest thing I’ve ever read. there are so many iconic and breathtaking sex scenes it’s impossible to pick just one; I’ve reread most of them more times than I care to admit and they all have carved their way inside my brain. I love how desperately wanton Harry and Draco are for each other in this fic! I keep replaying every dirty word, every slutty kiss, every chaotic and intense af sexual encounter they have over the course of this superb and deliciously long case fic/secret relationship series. at this point everyone and their dog has heard of, and read, this series but if you haven’t yet you’re in for a treat! block your schedule this holiday season and go grab some popcorn for this brilliant masterclass in writing, flangst and smut - so much top notch smut to feast on you’ll want to live in this universe forever. you’re welcome!

Rare pair:

Euphoria by birdsofshore (Albus/Scorpius + Albus/Draco, E, 37k)

"Please." I can see Al's legs quivering. They must be getting tired, hooked over Father's shoulders like that for so long. "Please, Draco. Fuck me. Fuck me some more."

Bloody hell. His words go straight to my prick. Father's arse cheeks clench, and he thrusts forward a little deeper into Al, as if he can't help himself. Al moans, and I don't know what's better, hearing it, or seeing my father's reaction to it.

"Very well." Father pulls back to a kneeling position, his hands gripping Al's thighs. I can see Al's hole stretched around the head of my father's cock. "Watch. You might learn something."

I double dare you to find anything hotter than this fic and believe me, I’ve read TONS of smut across many ships and fandoms. Am I biased due to my particular fondness for age gap and sharing/cuckolding kink? Maybe so 🌝 but I promise you this is unlike any other smut you’ve read before - it’s not only smoking hot with the kind of self-indulgent, relentless athletic sex that leaves you sweating (and horny), it’s also pov multiple written in the first person and how brilliant is that??? birds sells herself short in the AN saying this is just 30k of pure unadulterated porn but I’d argue this is actually a masterpiece, an extremely clever, nuanced and perfectly executed character study, mainly of Scorpius. I am impressed beyond words by what birds was able to deliver in 30k of yes, unapologetic kinky smut. DILF Draco, wanton Albus and sweet conflicted Scorp are a sight to behold and will live rent free in your mind after you read this 🪦

Bonus:

Utter Cockslut (A Worthy Cause) by Lokifan (Drarry, Draco/others, E, 7.5k)

Harry grinned darkly. “All right, Draco, get ready for the last few. Make sure you’re good for them; I’m a man who keeps my promises.”

Draco went up on his toes, craning round to see the next wizard. He strained to make out faces in the murky light; after being fucked by Weasley, he knew it could be almost anyone waiting for their chance to have him.

He felt anxiety shiver through him deliciously. Harry went and spoke to the wizards there, his voice low and businesslike. Giving them instructions on how to use him, maybe? Draco hurt from desire.

gangbang galore!!!! this fic has been one of my favourite PWPs to revisit for some years now. I’ll never get over Lokifan’s smut tbh, every fic was obviously written to check my personal boxes and the pacing, characterization and dialogue are so masterfully done I’m always gutted when it’s over. they’ve written smut for some of my favorite ships and they’re all equally delicious but nothing beats (hehe) this one: downright sinful and decadent as the summary suggests but also surprisingly very sweet! established drarry doing the nasty together is my comfort food and here you can feel how much trust and love they have for each other. Harry & Draco are 100% connected throughout the whole fic and the bits of playful teasing, desperate affection and tender aftercare in-between fucks made me swoon! this is a must read for anyone who loves to see Draco getting some diq and loving it, but also to my fellow Dron fans out there! their smutty times are deliciously hot and so funny too, with a lovable horny Ron being egged on by the devils. HBD me! 😂🎉

[palfriendpatine66]

Writing Obi-Wan I got an amazing ask that has prompted your Pal to go on several rants so I’m breaking it into parts for readability.

An anon new to writing fanfic asked about characterizing Obi-Wan. They asked about his most important traits to include to really nail his characterization and most importantly:

"In particular, I'm confused about reconciling the (chaotic, dramatic, 10/10) Clone Wars happenings with the way he appears in some other stories (more, well, civilized)."

Well anon: ask and you shall receive. Find your pal’s beginner's thesis below, keeping in mind that there are many others in the fandom who are way more accomplished authors who are much better about characterization in their own works and are way more qualified to speak to this. I'm going to do my best!

I love this ask! Characterization is so important in fan fic as we take familiar characters in place them into different scenarios that we haven’t seen how they react and respond to, and yet want it to feel authentic. The best is when you read a chapter and think of course that’s how Obi-Wan would deal with this.

The first part to nailing characterization is voice. Not even the motivation aspects behind “he would not fucking say that” but I literally ask myself: can I imagine the character’s voice actually saying these things? If I can’t hear Ewan McGregor’s Obi-Wan in my mind speaking the lines of dialogue I’ve written, I know it’s not right. This isn’t something specific I could give you a How To on, it’s 100% based on vibe and feel, BUT. Listen to the dialogue in the movies/tcw/kenobi series. The words he uses, his cadence, his tone. Even if he's being written in an alternate universe speaking about something that canon Obi-Wan has never experienced, and never will, it should still *sound* like him. If I had to summarize his voice: civilized yes, and more mature or refined than Anakin’s speech patterns, but with the ever present threat of sass. Underlying almost everything he says is a sense of I can and will destroy you if you piss me off, so tread lightly.

That brings me to your point of reconciling the different parts of Obi-Wan. There’s a line in Stover’s novelization of Revenge of the Sith which (I'm paraphrasing) says: he’s a Jedi Master who deep down still feels like a padawan. To me, this is why he can be the cool, calm logical Jedi Master one moment and then impulsively launching himself out of windows to hang from a speeding droid the next.

He is the expert of Fake it Till You Make It. He was suddenly thrust into all these roles of responsibility before he was prepared for them, but has taken them on and is Doing His Best. He literally went from being a padawan to having a padawan overnight. He had no time to experience being responsible for himself before he was responsible for someone else. He’s the youngest member on the council and despite, you know, not being trained in the military he is like The Highest Ranking Jedi and in command of a frighteningly huge portion of the GAR. He *is* incredibly competent and good at what he does, but he feels like its a role he's acting. He is playing the part of the wise Jedi, modeling himself after everyone he respects and looks up to and thinks is doing a better job than himself, when a lot of times his personal instinct isn't to react with measured patience but rather Yeet! or Read This Bitch!

Always remember: this man contains multitudes. There is no One Right take on his personality. That’s why he’s so fun to write! And also why there’s so many different versions of Obi-Wan in fan fic, and yet most are able to feel right if they hit the voice. Authors lean into the different sides of Obi-Wan they want to bring out. Some are more into his Big Dick Energy, being a BAMF, having the answers, and being in control General Kenobi. Some relate to the more the anxious padawan desperate to prove himself. Some see the man tossing back shots in the Outlander and think to themselves “this ho has slept with half of Coruscant”. Any and all of these can feel true to the character when done from a place of love and understanding for our main man Obi-Wan Kenobi