#this is the reason my plots take so long to plan tbh. i spend all my time clowning around in the outlines

[jessicas-pi]

well now that i've actually got like ALL OF the medieval au planned out FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER, i think it's time for more incorrect quotes from my plot outlines—specifically, from Paint Bombs, Pixie Cuts, And Elopement!

"he's totally dying on the inside. and on the outside. actually he's just dying. he's been shot."

"Ketsu goes back to her original plan (murder), which is, like, so valid of her"

"carthage was obviously given no respect women juice in his childhood"

"as per usual, someone kills the moment. but this time they're also trying to kill sabine, which is a first!"

"tbh the only reason that this chapter isn't the Sad Bollywood Wedding trope is that nobody is singing about it"

"*mastermind by taylor swift starts playing*"

"and sabine is like. oh. that's hot. i'm attracted to that. i'm very attracted to that. i will be repressing these feelings."

(two chapters later) "sabine fails to repress the feelings."

"you would THINK that the sometimes-deadly ritual combat on the wedding night might make it smart to NOT marry a girl who hates you and also has 32 knives hidden in her dress at all times, but carthage is kind of an idiot. rip lol"

"MANDOPERA HECK YEAAAAAAH"

[callmearcturus]

Stunt Facts: Rogue Nation Edition

as requested (thank you for indulging me) lets fucking talk about the three big stunts of Mission Impossible: Rogue Nation, aka my favorite movie of the McQuarrie Trilogy

The Batshit Plane Stunt

This is literally the cold open of the movie and doesn't spoil anything about the plot, enjoy.

This stunt came about from McQuarrie looking at a model of the plane and joking that they should have Ethan hang off the side of it. Unfortunately, Cruise took him seriously.

When Cruise and McQuarrie asked Airbus if the stunt was humanly possible, they were told it absolutely fucking wasn't. As usual, the two idiots did not listen.

Cruise was attached to a very secure harness that fed into the door. Honestly, that part, the actual attaching of Cruise to the plane was probably the safest part of the stunt.

Where the danger came in: the plane had to fly at a very careful speed. The Airbus is Fucking Enormous, as you can see from the clip, so it has to reach a certain speed just to become airborne. However, if it went too fast, there was a legitimate concern that Cruise would be maimed as he's torn bodily off the side from the windshear. Yeah.

Another issue was the chance that something would fly through the engine and hit Cruise. For this reason, the runway was vigorously cleaned of all debris. Even so, a fucking pebble managed to his Cruise and it nearly cracked his fucking ribs, and if it had hit higher, it would have fucking killed him.

According to Simon Pegg, this was the stunt Cruise was the most nervous about doing, which honestly? Makes sense. With the Burj and the underwater stunt and even the HALO jump, Cruise had control of his body and we all have to admit that he clearly knows his precise physical limitations. With the airplane stunt, he was strapped to the side with nothing he could do but survive the ordeal.

Cruise was wearing special glass contacts to protect his eyes and let him actually open them. As a side effect, he could barely see shit.

Cruise, to McQuarrie: "If it looks like I'm scared, I'm acting! Do not cut." McQuarrie knew to cut the take when Cruise started laughing manaically. (Which tbh sounds hilarious)

Oh and it was 27F so literally below zero when they did this and because Cruise wanted his outfit to be a reference to North by Northwest, he had no protection against the cold.

Tangential fun fact: Benji's ghillie suit outfit for this scene. When they got the suit in, McQuarrie and Cruise both modeled it first, sending Pegg pictures of it.

The Torus of Aw Shit Ethan Fucking Drowned

This wasn't in the original plan for the movie. Cruise spotted the pre-vis people looking at the model of the Torus and went, "Oh, cool, we're going to do an underwater scene!" The scene wasn't intended to be underwater. Moral of the story: Don't let this fucking man look at any goddamn models.

Cruise trained until he could hold his breath for six minutes to do this sequence. He even, a few times, purposefully stayed under too long and passed out so he would know what his limits felt like.

The underwater DP for the sequence found it unnerving to do because he said when you spend a lot of time underwater, you can get to a very peaceful calm place mentally and just lose track of time. Once, he pulled Cruise up bc he was scared that was happening.

Cruise: "What are you doing, I was in the moment, I was acting."

DP: "I know you were but it just got a little too real for me."

Cruise: "I get that but you need to trust me. I know my limits and I do not want to die."

The scene is more practical than it looks. Any surface Cruise touches is real. VFX were added to enhance the feel of the scene.

The scene actually exists as a continuous 3.5 minute long sequence but McQuarrie thought it dragged on too long so chose to intercut it with Benji's progress to the Gait Analysis. I personally wish they kept the full uncut sequence just to go "ha fuck you."

oh my god the stunt driving

For the car sequence: Cruise and Pegg were genuinely in the car and Cruise really was the stunt driver for the sequence. Pegg reportedly was perfectly fine being the passenger bc he trusts Cruise's driving acumen at this point.

The bit where the car does a hard turn to hit the motorcycles was for real. The car was mounted on a rig to let it spin like that and the walls of the alleyway were actually a soft foam to make it safer for the stunt cyclists to hit the sides.

For the motorcycle sequence: oooooh my fucking godddddd okay

Cruise was driving 100mph with no helmet and no protective gear. The whole thing is fully practical, though VFX was used to add even more cars into the sequence afterward.

this crazy motherfucker really did the bit where Ethan puts his knee down and scrapes it during the hard turn. he did it three fucking times. again: no protective gear.

this one is so stressful to watch but is fucking tame compared to the one in Fallout which is Actively Fucking Batshit.

this man wants to die in the name of preserving cinema, i'm telling you

[firstkanaphans]

I have some thoughts on your post of aye being out-of-character. Tbh, while it was airing, i thought the same. OS2 Aye didn't feel like eclipse Aye. Where's the understanding, where's the "putting akk before himself", where is the aye that gave akk enough space to come to terms with his sexuality and loved him and held him throughout that journey? I was quite dissapointed when the first ep aired because eclipse was such a dear show to me. But then, a while later, I remember reading someone's take on ourskyy2!Aye. They said that aye didn't really change. He has always been a gremline to akk since the eclipse. And he still is. And akk has always been pouty and sensitive, just hid it well. Akk and aye have always had communication issues and that was one of their biggest and most prominent differences. They still do have similar communications issues in ourskyy2. We see a difference in the eclipse and ourskyy2 because (my take) during the course of events in the eclipse, aye had some kind of understanding of akk's situation thus it was easier to be so understanding and give him the space he needed. Boyfriends is new territory for the both of them and obviously they're going take some time to adjust and understand eo through the change. But because they are akkayan, because they care about each other enough to put the other before themselves, because they love each other, they will find their way out of this; as they always have. They are still the same akk and aye. Just the grounds of their relationship has changed. That's all.

I've not been as articulate as I would like to be so a lost might've gotten missed. This is not to say your thoughts were wrong. I truly have not seen a single person who's understood these characters more. I love reading your work because it genuinely feels like something the character would actually do. I just hope to provide a different perspective and would love to hear your thoughts 😙

Oh, I totally agree that Aye has always been a gremlin and will always be a gremlin. That’s his personality. He’s annoying—god bless him for it. The issue is that we know for a fact this wasn’t just a communication break-down because Akk is very upfront about how Aye’s actions are making him feel. He explicitly admits his concerns to Aye—what you’re doing makes me feel like you don’t love me—and Aye chooses to ignore him, which is not something canon Aye would ever do. Aye has always been pushy and annoying, but he has never been cruel.

I do agree, though, that it will take them some time to figure out how to be boyfriends outside of the oppressive walls of Suppalo and that could certainly lead to arguments and misunderstandings. I just don’t think that was the case in Our Skyy. Aye knew what he was doing was hurting Akk and yet he did it anyway and I just can’t believe that canon Aye, who cried every single time Akk did, would continue such a ruse when it was causing his partner pain.

I think the reason this whole plot irks me so much is that it was such an easy fix. Instead of making Aye pretend that he forgot Akk’s birthday entirely, simply make him pretend that he had other plans and couldn’t spend the day with him. Then Akk would be sad and disappointed, but he wouldn’t be distraught.

I just…imagine the person you love most in the world and then imagine them forgetting your birthday. I personally don’t think the surprise makes up for the pain and I think that years later, what I would remember most would be the disappointment. But maybe Akk is different.

Regardless, I appreciate your input! Like I said in my last ask, people are meant to interpret media in different ways and I’m a firm believer that everyone is entitled to their own opinion as long as they aren’t being mean to others about it. Our Skyy 2 just didn’t hit right for me, but I still enjoyed seeing Akk and Aye together again. I’m certainly not complaining about what we got because there were some absolutely fantastic moments that I think about still. I just personally prefer to look at it as The Eclipse fanfiction rather than something that is a part of canon.

[todd-machine]

@milekael tagged me so I thought I would hop onto this!!! TYSM FOR THE TAG MILES UAHAHAHA

are you named after anyone?

Not really! I mostly just picked some random things I vibe with tbh.

when was the last time you cried?

I can't actually remember :'D it couldn't have been awfully long ago tho, for some reason

do you have kids?

nope! I don't really plan on it.

do you use sarcasm a lot?

I think so, once in a while. If I do I normally tend to clarify tho, it does tend to pass over my own head a at times so if I notice it happening to others I'm usually quick to explain myself.

what sports do you play?

I've not been so active in recent years, but I used to love taking dance and swimming classes when I was younger tho! I've also dabbled in martial arts and ball games (football and basketball) over the years and I still really like a good walk or run.

what’s the first thing you notice about people?

Usually? Honestly the way people dress or their mannerisms like hand gestures and stuff, since I sometimes gravitate there to understand how people are speaking.

what’s your eye color?

Brown n green on both :3

scary movies or happy endings?

I'm usually not fond of jumpscare/shock horror and I'm more into the suspenseful or slow type really. Happy endings are sweet and very neat ways to end a plot but depending on the case they can sometimes leave me wanting more, idk.

any special talents?

Can measure out a perfect portion of rice by eye for some reason

where were you born?

That one I'd rather not say here. I have lived the majority of my time in England though 💀

what are your hobbies?

Aside from drawing I like... drawing XD but in all seriousness, I really like doing observational drawings from time to time, it helps clear the mind after spending so long animating for uni! I also love working on some short stories slowly, I collect stamps on the side and I've been really getting into cooking lately. I'd love to pick up traditional art to a more serious level once I have the time, too!

do you have any pets?

I don't :'D I'd love to once I can afford to and have the space to keep them though. Thinking mainly of cats honestly.

favorite subject in school?

Probably history! Art was fun too just wasn't so fond of the programme structure there. At least we had some great field trips for that though.

dream job?

Not really sure! I'm close to graduating from my animation undergrad though, hopefully, and I'm hoping to take that into short form stuff or TV within the industry eventually, probably as an animator. I'd love to be able to improve my skillset over time, though, especially in terms of technical and people skills, and maybe do some animation lead or directing at some point. At some stage later down the line I'd love to spend more time on my bigger personal project's production as well.

Augh tags- uuuhrbmrhrm idk @helio5 if u wanna do it go ahead, no pressure tho ofc!!! Anyone else who wants to pick this up as well feel free (sorry for not directly tagging many people, I simply get nervous easily XD)

[original-character-championship]

Cass Propaganda (sorry it is so long)

I was gonna put a real intro here but my notes (yes i made notes for this) just say “[cass in competition *violent shaking*]” and i think that's funnier

Fun facts

She’s weird. Genuinely just a strange little guy. She’s an only child (derogatory) who grew up with just her and her adoptive mother in a cabin in the woods in the middle of nowhere. She went to public school for like a year and it was the worst so she quit.

She grew up in the 80s. I feel like I should mention this story involves a lot of time travel. She was born in the 1500s, but got out of there when she was a baby and lived in the same place from 1967-1982 (rough estimate, I change my mind on these times a lot).

Her hobbies include reading, watching tv (when the tv works), and fighting. She spends most of her time training with various weapons (especially dual swords). There’s really nothing else to do at her house and she doesn’t get out much.

There’s a big weapons collection in the barn behind her house. It’s partially for safety and partially because her and her mom think weapons are cool.

Speaking of moms I should probably introduce her most important relationships in the story.

The relationship that is probably most important for her is the one with her adoptive mother Calypso (pictured in the middle, holding her on a leash). Calypso grew up in a sci-fi sky city (time travel stuff, i don’t have time to get into it). She had to leave at a very young age, because the government was very corrupt and her adoptive mother (Fawn) was infiltrating it but she got caught. The plan was for them to grab baby Cass (they needed her for Plot Reasons) and go hide in the cabin in the woods. Unfortunately Fawn got shot (rest in peace you were there for like 1 chapter of the plot). So Calypso (who is 13 btw. Did i mention shes 13?) had to raise Cass on her own in hiding (they had some help from a friend but he was also doing government espionage stuff so he mostly just sent money). Because of all the time spent together and the small age gap Cass and Calypso are more like sisters than mother and daughter. They share responsibility equally and neither really had a sufficient parental figure. They both had to take on responsibility at a very young age and are a little fucked up because of it. Calypso’s doing her best I swear, she just never finished maturing herself. They get along really well but they’re also a bit of a wreck. 

The second most important relationship to her is Sammy (bottom right). He’s the adopted (yes basically everyone in this is adopted) son of the friend who helped Calypso out after Fawn died. They met when they were 15 and their relationship started out kind of competitive. Cass wasn’t used to kids her age (or men tbh) so she just kind of didn’t talk to him. Sammy thought she hated him. Things developed from there. Anyway eventually they grow to mutual respect and Sammy develops a giant crush on her. Does she reciprocate? Who knows (yes she definitely does). They have a really great dynamic. He reminds her that she doesn’t always need to be tough and that it’s ok to take breaks. She helps him learn to be more confident in himself and to take on some responsibility in life. Anyway I feel like it’s important to mention that they’re bi for bi and Sammy has that trans boy swag.

This next one is one of her most important relationships from a narrative sense. She doesn’t have that much conflict going on among allies, but her and Diana (top right) are at each other’s throats. They hate each other. They are going to fight to the death. They’re basically the same person. Diana is Calypso’s younger half sister (a biological relation for once). Calypso left her house to live with Fawn when she was 8 years old. Unfortunately she had to leave her two sisters behind. It was not the best family situation. Both sisters hold a reasonable resentment towards her, but Diana’s extends a lot further. She was Calypso’s younger sister and sees Cass as Calypso’s way of replacing her. She is headstrong and confident just like Cass, and also determined to oppose Cass in every single group decision. So they’re always fighting and Cass has no idea why Diana doesn’t like her. She just assumes she’s an asshole. Diana is, in fact, a total sweetheart to everyone who isn’t Cass.

Her other friends are Lina and Ben (top and bottom left). Lina and Cass just get along. Idk what to tell you they’re both absolute menaces. They’ve got that teen angst down. Also Lina is mute so they talk shit in sign language wherever they are because most people don’t know what they’re saying. Ben is like a little brother to her. He loves fashion and kind of helped her embrace more girly things like that. She helped him to get over some of his biggest fears. His dad is actually the worst (he’s the one who killed Fawn and he traumatized them both). Cass is going to kill his dad for him when she gets the chance (for legal reasons this is an exaggeration).

More fun facts™

There’s that shadow guy

He just haunts her a little, don't worry about it (you should, in fact, be very worried about it). But really what's the harm of having some guy that no one else can see constantly whispering promises of power and revenge in your ear anyway? She’s probably fine.

2. She doesn’t have a last name but her adoptive mom is from House Acheron (there’s a whole system of families (called houses) that government officials come from but it’s too complicated to explain) so you could call her Cassandra Acheron (nobody does). The house colors are red and gold, which she would hate because they clash with her hair color.

3. She first met Ben when she was breaking into his house In her defense his dad stole something of hers and she did not know Ben lived there

ok that's all

vote for cass pls

!!!

[neonsbian]

OKKKK i finished watching all the oceans movie so here is my definitive ranking:

Ocean's 8 - women criminals, easy win. ok but seriously, all i want from an oceans movie is a fun little heist and i not only got that, i also got homoerotic tension bw debbie and lou. there were fewer characters but i genuinely think that was to its benefit bc i actually remember everyone and it also establishes a reason for everyone willingly participating in a heist. also, i like that they didn't rob a casino. the whole magnet thing for the necklace was kinda unnecessary imo but whatever, u need that moment of 'oh no we didnt plan for this!' in every heist movie, it didnt take away from the fun

Ocean's 11 (2001) - i mean, it was a fun little heist and i got homoerotic tension bw danny and rusty. i had a good time overall and it was fun movie. i think when u got such a big cast, its gonna be hard to give a shit abt all of them and tbh, i didnt even remember some of the guys names even though i saw all of the movies. also no one explains their reason for doing the heist (except danny ig) which personally detracts for me. again, it was just a good time

Ocean's 13 - i don't really have anything to say, it was just a good time overall. points off for not having any women besides the woman who works for bank but we got more danny ocean yaoi so :/ also there wasn't enough yen imo

Ocean's 11 (1960) - i think the idea of a bunch of war veterans robbing 5 casinos in las vegas on new years is really interesting but idkk man it was kinda boring, they spend more time talking abt their lives than the heist and the heist itself wasn't rlly that interesting to watch? like the plan was more interesting than the way they pulled it off. i do think its funny that none of them got away w it tho

Ocean's 12 - all im looking for when im watching an oceans movie is a fun little heist and that is not what i got in this movie. the set up for the plot was stupid, every gag and joke went on forever and was not funny, the french guy who hated danny pissed me off, matt damon pissed me off, the only women in this were love interests and one of them was a cop!!! that movie was 2 hrs long and it felt even longer somehow

[coconutcows]

Hey Rebecca. I don't really know you and you don't know me. But please don't take your life. I don't know your situation. But I know what it feels like when everything seems pointless. But even if there really is no one around you right now who would miss you or it feels like there is no reason to keep going, that doesn't mean that can't change one day. Imagine the people you could meet in the future. The things you could see and experience. Don't take that possibility away from yourself. I can't tell you everything will work out. But I can tell you that doing it would take away the possibility of everything working out. You made it this far. You can keep going. I believe in you.

Hello!!! I’m sorry I’ve taken a bit to respond to this I’ve had a couple busy days and a few miserable days, but I really appreciate you sending this to me. I assume you saw my post, although idk how you did, but my issues just run really deep and I’m not sure what to do. I’m putting a bunch under the cut to not dash stretch.

I’ve been trying my best for years and nothing works out for me. That sounds like an exaggeration like people say when they just can’t see any positives but any time anything goes well for me something happens to screw everything up. I have some examples but if I listed those this would be a mile long. But basically my entire world has been swiftly destroyed in the past three months or so.

The thought of meeting new people and experiences is a nice one and I appreciate the positive attitude but the thought makes me feel sick. People tend not to like me much even if I do nothing to them, and experiences just seem to get more out of reach every day for multiple reasons. I don’t have many opportunities anyway, nor do I have the brainpower to plot a path of any kind.

I can’t hold a job because they all end up causing me immense mental distress and there’s no financial assistance that actually makes a difference here (just programs that give you what’s essentially pocket change towards bills and groceries while rushing you to find a job any job) and any job options are limited here to begin with. There’s very little hope for general financial improvement here anytime soon. I don’t think I have the talent or mental strength to try commissions.

Everything that made me look towards the future, that made me feel capable of anything is just gone now. I only have three friends and they get along just fine without me. They’d miss me if I was gone maybe but they’d get along just fine as well. I have my parents but they were a cause towards these issues back when I was a teen so i’ve already gotten over most of the guilt on that front. I know they’d be super upset but they wouldn’t have to worry about me anymore.

If I go through with it I won’t exactly be taking my own life. I plan on waiting until MAID gets expanded to include mental illness since the lovely Canadian Government also thinks disabled and mentally ill people should just be able to choose to die instead of scraping by on their meager assistance. That way I can arrange for anyone who wants to spend time with me before I go to do so.

All I hear is that I need to take care of myself, love myself etc etc etc, but I honestly can’t remember ever even liking myself so how am I supposed to get to that point? Besides I lost all the progress I’d made towards that goal over the past five years. I just really don’t know what to do at this point tbh, I just want to give up.

Anyways, if you or anybody else read all this thanks. Thanks if you care, and thanks for the chance to vent. I’ll make a post in the future if I get some stuff cleared up in case anyone genuinely wants to know what happened. Or people can ask, I’ll answer if I’m comfortable or able to.

[wooahaes]

🤗 For the ask game! Don't feel like there's a lot of pressure for this one, pls!

🤗 What advice would you give to new fanfic writers that are just getting started?

write what you want to write and what you want to see.

a lot of what i do is writing stories that i personally want to tell. sure, i occasionally take requests, but it doesn't dictate everything that i do. if i don't feel a request, i just... don't do it. i'm writing for free (unless y'all wanna start paying me via ko-fi lmao), i'm spending my free time doing stuff, i'm not gonna let anyone push me into writing something i don't want to write.

like... ultimately, at the end of the day, it's your time and effort that goes into writing. i think you should write the things that you want to write and that make you satisfied when you're done with them. the first person you need to please when it comes to something like writing is yourself. you wouldn't serve someone a meal if you weren't confident that they'd enjoy it, in my opinion.

also, on a more like... general writing point: plan your stories if you know they're going to get long. please don't do what i do sometimes and try to wing it. this doesn't have to be what i do (endless bullet points) if that doesn't work for you, but even a piece of paper that says "A -> B -> C" just to keep yourself on track. it's so, so entirely easy to lose the plot sometimes. you can absolutely still make changes, but at least you'll have it written down somewhere and know the direction your story is going. i used to never plot things out when writing and there was a reason i always struggled tbh. endings can change as you write, but i generally try to go into a fic knowing my starting point, a middle point, and at least a vague ending. even if things change, you'll know what you've written so far and it'll likely help you make changes that make sense with previously written things.

... also use readmores on tumblr when your fic is over 500 words + warnings for any potential triggers (can't catch all of them sometimes, but the effort is still appreciated) but i've complained about that plenty of times lol

[whereistheonepiece]

Hi it’s Coranon! Ok so OPLA. It has it’s good moments for sure. It’s kinda campy but in a good way. There’s a handful of scenes I do still really like. I think the actors really put their all into it and I applaud them. I found the sets beautiful, like the ships and especially the Baratie. As for the story, some stuff was pretty good but I have a few(or a lot of) gripes with the way they structured some things. (1/8)

Yeahhh, I've only seen up to episode 4 so I can't talk about a lot of what you mention, so I'll focus on what I do think. I kind of just found the Syrup Village arc to be a slog to get through. Episode 3 had me wishing I was just watching the anime and episode 4 had me feeling more of the same. Tbh I'm not excited to watch the rest of the season and I'm not excited to see the rest of the series. I don't feel particularly hopeful for how they plan on covering the rest of the series since they have to pare down hours and hours of story to fit a tight 8 hour season.

Why did they have to do Usopp like that? I love Zoro (well, I love the Zoro character in the anime and manga) but seeing his backstory in the middle of what's ostensibly supposed to be Usopp's story just pissed me off. Especially since I don't find the backstories emotionally compelling since we don't get to linger on them. I also don't feel like Usopp did a lot in the final fight and that's just disappointing.

I'm not crazy about the Marine B plot either. It's not interesting or compelling. I don't take Koby seriously as a character and I don't want to spend extra time with him when I don't feel like it's adding much to the story. Like, when I see him I just think, we could be spending time with the Straw Hats. Garp is too tame. I think maybe they're afraid to portray his abuse.

And uh if you think Arlong Park is underwhelming, I'm probably going to as well. Which is a shame because Arlong Park is when I became a true believer whilst watching the anime.

And now I'm going to get really fucking honest and might hurt feelings, so I'll hide it under a read more.

I'm just... Not having fun anymore. I thought the first two episodes were charming for the clear love and effort that was put into this series, but that can't carry a whole show imo.

At this point, I don't care about any of the Straw Hats except for Usopp, and that hurts because I love the Straw Hats. They look like their characters, but I'm not enjoying the actors' portrayal of these characters (except for Usopp). I don't care about what they're doing or how they're feeling because I don't feel like I have a reason to be invested. Truthfully I don't think they're all that great of actors.

People are so excited for season 2 and the characters that are introduced and the only character I'm potentially excited for is Kureha because Jamie Lee Curtis is campaigning for the part. And you might think surely I must be excited for Robin, but I'm not because I honestly don't think this series is going to handle her well since they have to cut the runtime of the characters' backstory except for Luffy.

I want to be openminded about this, and I think I have been. But if I'm not having fun, I'm not having fun, and there's not much you can do about that.

I'm going to (slowly) finish this season because, despite my doubts, I want to give the show a chance to do something that impresses me and makes me a believer. If you're interested I'll share my thoughts as it goes on if I have anything to say.

Sorry it took me so long to answer haha.

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 306: the beginning of the WHAT

Previously on BnHA: Nana and the Gang were all, “hey Deku, we can read your thoughts and feelings so we should already know the answer to this, but for some reason we want to quiz you on whether or not you’d be down to kill Shigaraki Tomura.” Deku was all, “um okay, well tbh, probably not seeing as Saving People has been my entire thing since literally the start of the series.” The Vestiges were all, “yes that makes perfect sense and again we already knew that, but well, good for you buddy and I’m glad we had this talk. Anyway I guess we should ask these two cryptic fuckers in the corner to finally turn around now before we run out of -- ” and then the chapter ended. Because OF COURSE IT DID.

Today on BnHA: Horikoshi is all “YOU DON’T NEED TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENS NEXT, WOULDN’T IT BE SO MUCH BETTER IF I GAVE YOU A CONFUSING CHAPTER WHERE EVERYONE FINALLY LEARNS ABOUT OFA, AND GOES BACK TO THE DORMS, AND THEN THE CHAPTER ENDS WITH DEPRESSED NOMAD DEKU STANDING ON A PRECIPICE WITH GRAN TORINO’S TATTERED CAPE FLOWING IN THE WIND.” Everyone is all, “???????????” Horikoshi is all, “also the parents are moving to the U.A. campus, and Jeanist’s neck is two and a half feet long, for everyone that was wondering.” Everyone is all, “WHERE ARE KACCHAN AND TODOROKI AND FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, WHO ARE THE SECOND AND THIRD USERS”, and Horikoshi is all, “:)” and fades away into nothingness like the fucking fae he is. Like a fucking imp who’s kept his end of the cursed bargain. What, the, fuck.

okay guys, so after the longest Thursday of my fucking life, during which I was secretly hoping that my spoiler containment net would be somehow be breached, inadvertently exposing me to theta spoiler radiation, so that I could be all “oh no... spoilers... there’s nothing I can do... I have no choice but to look” (which sadly did not happen), it is finally Friday and the chapter is finally out. so I’ve got my clown kit at the ready and other self-deprecating memes on standby, and I’m ready to go. and I should note that I’m also ready for Horikoshi to pull some absolute bullshit and be like, “oh you know what, we haven’t checked in with Rat Principal in a while have we” and spend the entire chapter on nonsense like that. I’M READY FOR FUCKING ANYTHING so bring it

(ETA: it would be nice if this man wouldn’t call my bluff every now and again.)

oh, right, we were due a color page! wow look at this

isn’t this supposed to be the future?? what’s with all of these staticky CRT TVs

anyway, so! is this the first time we’ve seen Tomura’s stylish finger prosthetic glove thingy in color?? because I didn’t expect it to be red. also, at some point you just have to give in and change your pants into cutoffs or something, Tomura. start a new trend of stylish villain capris

meanwhile Deku is dressed like he’s going on a journey into the desert to find a mystical oasis. actually this cape looks a lot like Gran Torino’s. I have to go back and see if Gran’s is all raggedy like this

(ETA: it wasn’t before but APPARENTLY IT IS NOW. I also forgot that Horikoshi had showed it sitting on a side table in the hospital a few chapters ago.)

lastly, AFO looks like someone’s thumb after they’ve been washing dishes for twenty minutes. you are just the ugliest dude in history, and as always, fuck you

HAHAHA SOB I KNEW IT

oh, Twowy McTwoface is finally starting to turn around? better CUT BACK TO DEKU’S HOSPITAL ROOM THEN. wouldn’t want to accidentally ANSWER ANY QUESTIONS or SOLVE ANY MYSTERIES, god forbid

well, whatever. whatever!! anyway so now someone’s knocking at the door. I say “someone” but we all know it’s Hawks

yep

they were actually standing outside the door for a while hoping they’d overhear another juicy plot conversation, but no such luck this time

lmaooo Jeanist wtf

acting all embarrassed, but you’re really just as curious as Hawks is. making him do all the dirty work for you huh

ARE YOU SERIOUS THIS IS AN INJUSTICE

so like two seconds after Katsuki gets dragged away you open the door for the rest of them!! well, fine!! I really want it to be a more private/personal moment between the two of them anyway so let the other kids check in on Deku first then

and in the meantime, time to see Hawks put the thumbscrews to All Might’s resolve lol

I wonder how much of it Hawks has already put together in the last five minutes. One for All is something connected to All for One that Tomura seems to want. Tomura was apparently targeting Deku. that’s more than enough to make a few deductions right there. I wonder how much Hawks knows about Deku’s quirk. he did watch the sports festival, and he ran into the kids interning under Endeavor that one time

okay well maybe he hasn’t put the rest of it together just yet, but Hawks is making a pretty reasonable pitch here to All Might

also this is a pretty spectacular view. is this a hospital or a hotel??

AHLKJLKJLKJ ARE YOU SERIOUSLY GOING TO TELL THEM

OH MY GOD HE IS?!?!

JUST LIKE WE ALL EXPECTED, THE NEXT TWO PEOPLE TO LEARN THE TRUTH ABOUT OFA ARE GOING TO BE HAWKS, AND BEST FUCKING JEANIST

-- LFKLKKLDK ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS. ARE YOU --

( •̀_•́ )

[sitting cross-legged on the ground pulling up little clumps of grass and letting them fall from my fingers one by one] yeah. sure. okay. fine. sure

-- OKAY, NO. NUH-UH. NO

everybody better hold tight cuz I’m about to pick up this whole chapter and yeet it into the ocean like a fucking frisbee lol

HORIKOSHI I DON’T CARE ABOUT THESE PEOPLE SITTING HERE WATCHING TV WTF

-- OH

well okay then. proceed. though lord help me if they’re about to reveal the secret of OFA to the whole fucking world skdkj

oh snap

well, there it is. pretty much what I expected, but it’s good to actually get to see this moment with him taking responsibility

though at the same time, thank you Horikoshi for not forcing us to sit through the rest of that

their fucking faces omg. okay but seriously, what nation doesn’t secretly love a good scandal

the Endeavor Pamphlets, part two. thank you for giving the country something to opine about on twitter in these trying times, Enji

so now they’re asking about Hawks and Jeanist but I cannot even focus on anything all of a sudden because what?!

is Jeanist even a real actual human being you guys?! are we sure he’s not three kids sitting on each other’s shoulders?? are you related to that one guy with the really long neck from the Jedi Council?? are you Orochimaru, bro??

so now Hawks is apologizing for the murder of Twice, and for hiding the connection with his dad

the fact that he has to give this serious formal apology and beg forgiveness for the shameful crime of Having An Abusive Father is really something else, though. just. it’s realistic, but I still hate it

moving on now to the one thing he actually does owe the public an explanation for

not to go all “Hawks did nothing wrong” on you guys yet again, but seriously. 100% facts. fandom can (and no doubt will) debate this until the end of time, but if Twice had gotten away they wouldn’t be having this press conference right now because there wouldn’t be any heroes left to give one. anyways though, I’ve already said more than enough about that in previous posts

so now some severe-looking lady with the weirdest fingers I’ve ever seen is saying that her mother was injured during Machia’s rampage

and she’s basically all “a fuck lot of good ‘I’m sorry’ does us all about now.” true true

wow she’s really getting fired up

and now Enji is basically saying that he understands that an apology isn’t enough, and what they really need now are solutions. okay, well! SO THEN WHAT IS THE PLAN THEN

hmmfsdgh

this eloquent PEZ dispenser makes a good point you guys

wait, hold up

CERTAIN citizens?? um excuse me, what??

ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh shit

holy shit. well, this will go over well

okay! so this tells me a number of things, though

basically the minute that Hawks learned about One for All, he realized that anyone connected to Deku (e.g. Inko) would be a target for AFO. AFO wants OFA, meaning AFO wants Deku, and one of the easiest ways to get to Deku would be to target his family

Hawks therefore realized that Inko needed to be placed into protective custody

but the fact that ALL of the hero course students’ families (and is it only the U.A. hero course, or all of the hero course students across the country?) are being given protection tells me that Hawks and co. don’t want to single Deku out as being important. so then it looks like they’re not going to tell everyone about OFA (or at least not the public. which, good). so rather than drawing suspicion by saying “we’ve got to protect everyone connected with this one kid”, they’re making it seem like all the U.A. kids’ families are getting this treatment

but since the heroes are now spread so thin, they can’t just send a protective detail to each and every family, so they’re bringing all of the families to the same place instead to better keep an eye on them

so that’s all well and good, and a very smart move. except that idk how all of this is going to go over with the general public, all of whom are probably feeling unsafe at the moment, and who will probably see this as preferential treatment -- basically just the heroes looking after their own and leaving everyone else to fend for themselves

(ETA: okay so @hanashimas​’ translation clarifies that U.A. is offering their services as an evacuation shelter for everyone who wants it, not just the families of the U.A. students. that’s much more appropriate so I withdraw my previous “wtf” reaction lol.)

anyway though here’s Mitsuki and Inko

can we take this as confirmation that the two of them really are friends? that’s one piece of fanon that I’ve always hoped was true, so I’m gonna go ahead and say it’s confirmed

(ETA: also this means that Hagakure’s parents (or maybe “parents” in quotation marks) will supposedly be moving in as well. sure am curious as to how that’s going to go.)

now someone in the press crowd is asking whether U.A. can provide adequate security, which is honestly the LAST thing I expected these people would be outraged about lol. shows what I know I guess

(ETA: again though, this makes sense if the “certain civilians” thing was just a translation error.)

LMAO DAMMIT ENJI

YOU CAN’T JUST ALWAYS PULL THE “JUST WATCH ME” TRICK AND EXPECT IT TO SHUT DOWN THE CONVERSATION EVERY DAMN TIME YOU ASSHOLE

-- OH MY GOD RED ALERT

TIME TO ANALYZE THIS BECAUSE OMG

WASH CAN’T BELIEVE HIS FAMILY GROUP CHAT IS STILL SENDING HIM FUCKING MEMES AT A TIME LIKE THIS. HE DOESN’T GIVE A FUCK IF THE DABI DANCE IS TRENDING ON TIKTOK, MOM!!

FOR A MINUTE I THOUGHT MT. LADY WAS HOLDING MIDNIGHT’S TORN-UP MASK, AND BY THE TIME I REALIZED THAT’S ACTUALLY HER MASK AND NOT MIDNIGHT’S, I HAD ALREADY CONSTRUCTED AN ELABORATE HEADCANON IN WHICH MT. LADY AND MIDNIGHT WERE SECRETLY DATING BUT HADN’T COME OUT TO ANYONE YET, AND THEN TRAGEDY STRUCK, AND NOW MT. LADY IS GETTING READY TO SET OUT TO SEEK VENGEANCE. AND WELL, NOW THAT THIS HEADCANON EXISTS IN THE WORLD, I’M NOT SURE IF I’M READY TO GET RID OF IT

MIRKO HAS GOTTEN HERSELF A PROSTHETIC (ROBOT??!) ARM, NOTHING ELSE THAT’S HAPPENING IN THIS CHAPTER IS EVEN SLIGHTLY IMPORTANT!!! HELLO!!!!!

AIZAWA WITH THE EYEPATCH GOOD LORD. THE WORLD ISN’T READY. HE LOOKS LIKE HE HASN’T SLEPT IN NINETY-EIGHT YEARS, BUT SOMEHOW HE MAKES IT INTO THE HOTTEST THING EVER AS PER USUAL

WHO THE FUCK IS THIS FUCKING GUY. ARE WE SUPPOSED TO KNOW HIM? IS THIS KAMUI?? WAS THAT THING WHICH I ALWAYS ASSUMED WAS HIS HAIR ACTUALLY A HELMET OR SOMETHING WHAT

LOL AND MEANWHILE

you tell me, Dabi! weren’t you the one who said that wouldn’t be enough to kill him? what even is your endgame here. I’m starting to worry about the villain brain cell supply you guys. I feel like Compress took most of them with him when he left

OH??

“when asked about One for All, Endeavor fucking lied through his teeth.” well, well, well

SLKDFJLSKGDJLKLKGJL THE DORMS

( ⁰ ⌂ ⁰ )

SLDKJFLKJWLKJLK

WLKDJSLKJFWKELKSDJLKHGLK

HDSMFLKGKL:GDSELK

OCHAKO’S HAND IS SHAKING OH MY GOD

THERE’S YOUR KAMINARI, EVERYONE!!

RHA’S SCANLATION TEAM REALLY THREW DEKU’S HANDWRITING UNDER THE BUS HERE HUH

HE TOLD EVERYONE!?

WHY THE FUCK IS HE WRITING IT AS A LETTER

(ETA: 9. also if he really wrote every kid in his class then that means the U.A. traitor -- or Hagakure as we like to call her around these parts -- also knows about OFA, and knows that Deku has run the fuck off and isn’t at U.A. anymore. so that’s just great!)

OH HELL NO

the hell does that mean, you must leave. leave to go where. son you are not up and leaving to go power up and lead us all into a timeskip. and I swear to GOD, if you left Kacchan too...!!

MY GOD I CAN’T PROPERLY ABSORB ALL OF THESE OCHAKO FEELS RIGHT NOW BECAUSE I’M TOO TERRIFIED TO SCROLL TO THE LAST FUCKING PAGE, FUCK

I JUST GOTTA DO IT. I JUST GOTTA SUCK IT UP AND DO IT. FUCK

FUCK

WHAT. THE. FUCK

y’all I’m not even gonna waste your time with more keysmashing, JUST ASSUME THAT I AM DOING IT NONSTOP, FOREVER. and let’s just jump RIGHT IN HERE

okay so here I thought that All Might and co. had taken him away somewhere to train, but that is CLEARLY not what’s going on here. this kid is standing here in his Apocalypse Aesthetic hero costume which has CLEARLY seen better days, with Gran Torino’s cloak (GUESS THAT EXPLAINS THAT, THEN?? SO DID GRAN FUCKING DIE EXCUSE ME WTF), and a fucking backpack. this little green idiot has RUN AWAY FROM HOME. this is the absolute LAST THING ON EARTH I ever expected to happen so PARDON ME WHILE I SCREAM CONFUSEDLY INTO THE VOID

he does not look okay. you guys he doesn’t look okay at ALL. he has NEVER looked like this. this isn’t just a “I’m sad because I’m leaving all my friends behind” kind of look on his face, or even just a “Gran Torino died maybe and I’m still having emotions over it” look. this is an EXHAUSTED, dead look in his eyes. something terrible has happened

WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR ARMS DEKU. THE PEOPLE NEED TO KNOW WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING DOWN WITH YOUR ARMS GODDAMMIT

love how this random building is just straight up collapsing, like that’s just a normal thing that happens every day now. lovely

APRIL MEANS IT’S NOW FULL ON SCHEDULED ALL-MIGHT-DYING-HOURS, BUT LET’S COMPLETELY IGNORE THAT THOUGH BECAUSE FUCK THAT NOISE

“THE SECOND USER? WHO KNOWS? CERTAINLY NOT ME” HORIKOSHI I SWEAR TO GOD

“BAKUGOU? NEVER HEARD OF HIM!” HORIKOSHI PLEASE

WHERE. IS. KACCHAN

did he go with Deku?? did he get a chance to talk to him before he left?? did he get his own private letter which he read and then promptly blew up in a fit of panicked rage?? is he going to go after him?? DOES HORIKOSHI KNOW WHAT HE’S DOING TO ME RIGHT NOW?? OF COURSE HE DOES, DON’T BOTHER ANSWERING THAT

omg. though actually the fact that we’ve already jumped a few weeks forward makes me hopeful that there won’t actually be another timeskip, or at least not much of one. I’m sure that’ll be the big debate of the week, but I don’t think we can jump too far forward here. for starters because of that All Might prophecy I mentioned. and also because TomurAFO isn’t just going to wait around for months. and also because I’m 100% sure that Deku’s running-away backpack is just filled ENTIRELY WITH NOTEBOOKS and this asshole cannot possibly survive more than 3 days on his own. UNLESS SOMEONE COMES TO HELP HIM THAT IS. OR SOMEONES, EVEN. OMG. omg omg omg. fuck this chapter lmao

[iamanartichoke]

I wrote a Thing. It’s extremely long. I’d prefer it not be reblogged; I wrote this for my own catharsis and would prefer it not be circulated, bc of Reasons. 

I changed my mind, okay to reblog. <3 

Under a cut for (extreme, did I mention?) length. 

So I got about 12 minutes of sleep last night, as you do, and around 3am or so I found myself - out of sheer curiosity - going down a meta hole of Ragnarok discourse, trying to figure out where this "satisfying redemption arc" for Loki happened. (I mean, there's a lot of things I would like to figure out, but I started there.) Because I could. 

Basically I was looking for meta that went into detail about how Loki was redeemed in a satisfactory way. The ‘satisfactory’  is an important word here bc there is a redemption arc in the film, in that Loki starts off the film as an antagonist (kinda) to Thor and he ends the film as an ally to Thor, standing at Thor's side. In that sense, yes, there's a redemption arc. I didn't find much (and I had no idea how much people just despise Ragnarok "antis" [I really dislike that word] but that's another topic [that I don't particularly want to get into, tbh]) but I did find some. I read what I could find, and I read it open-mindedly, and overall I came away feeling like, okay, there are some valid points being made here and I can kinda see where they're coming from.

But it was a bit (a lot) like -- flat. Idk. The best comparison I can think of is that it’s like if a literature class read, I don't know, The Yellow Wallpaper for an assignment, and some of the students came away from it feeling like it was a creepy story about a woman slowly driving herself insane, and the other students came away from it incensed at the oppression and infantilization of women in the late 19th century -

- and neither side is wrong, but the former is a very surface-level reading and the latter isn't (bc it stems from looking at why she drives herself insane, why she was prescribed 'rest' in the first place, the context of what women could and couldn't do back then, etc; basically, a bit more work has to go into it). 

[Note: I am not disparaging the quality of The Yellow Wallpaper. At all. It’s just the first relatively well-known story that popped into my head.]

In this sense, I can see the argument for Loki's redemption arc, but I don't think it's a very good argument. Not invalid, but not great.

I mean, for example, I think the most consistent argument I found variations of re: Loki's redemption is that Ragnarok shows Loki finally taking responsibility for his bad behaviour and misdeeds. This includes recognizing that his actions were fueled from a place of self-hatred and a desire to self-destruct in addition to bringing destruction on others. That he probably feels awkward and regretful of these things and doesn't know how to act around Thor, but he figures it out by the end, and decides that returning to Asgard is the best way to show that he's ready to make amends. His act of bringing the Statesman to Asgard is an apology. He allies himself with Thor and ends up in a better place, both narratively (united with Thor once again) and mentally (having taken responsibility and made amends for his past).

And setting aside that he had already made amends by sacrificing his life in TDW (and also setting aside that the argument is made that Loki redeems himself in IW by sacrificing himself to Thanos but if that's the case, wouldn't that imply that he hadn't achieved redemption in Ragnarok or else there would be no need to achieve it again in IW? Or, if you think he did achieve redemption in Ragnarok, then what the fuck did he give his life in IW for? What was his motivation there, and why did the narrative not make it clearer? I digress.) 

- setting aside those two factors, I think this is a very fair argument. Loki is fueled by self-hatred, and he does want to self-destruct, and he does want to inflict that pain on others as well (particularly Thor). No lies detected here. 

However, I also need to know where that self-hatred and desire for destruction (toward himself and others) comes from and for that, we need to go back to Thor 1.

Thor 1. 

Loki starts Thor 1 out as "a clenched fist with hair," to borrow a quote from the Haunting of Hill House (that I tucked away in my mental box of Lovely Things bc it says so much so very simply). He's very used to bottling everything up, pushing it down; he slinks around behind the scenes, pulling the strings to this plot or that. He's "always been one for mischief," but the narrative implies that the coronation incident is the first time Loki's done anything truly terrible. And it all immediately pretty much goes to shit, so Loki spends the rest of the movie frantically juggling all these moving pieces while trying to seem as if he's got it all under control, every step of the way. That's how I view his actions. 

But I always come back to that quote where Kenneth Branaugh tells Tom, of the scene in the vault, "This is where the thin steel rod that's been holding your mind together snaps." In other words this is where Loki discovering he's Jotun is just one thing too many. He can't take it. But though the rod snaps, his descent isn't a nosedive. It's a tumble. As the story progresses, the clenched fist starts to loosen, the muscles are flexed in unfamiliar ways (that feel kinda good, after being stiff for so long), and it culminates with the hand opening completely and shaking itself out. All of that repression, that self-hatred, that rage and jealousy just explodes so that, by the time the bifrost scene happens, Loki's already hit bottom. It's not just about proving his worthiness to Odin. He wants to hurt Thor, too; he, essentially, throws a tantrum. (That's right, I said tantrum.) 

(Note: The word 'tantrum’ has negative connotations bc we normally equate it with a toddler stamping their feet and screaming in the aisle when their parent won't buy them the toy they want. But in itself, the word tantrum isn't infantalizing. It's an "emotional outburst, an uncontrolled explosion of anger and frustration" [paraphrasing from dictionary.com]. That's exactly what happens here [and why Tom called Loki's actions a massive tantrum, but people took that to mean Tom agreed it was childish whereas I doubt Tom meant it that way]).

He's been pushed past his limit, and he does bad things. He does really shitty things. He hurts Thor, he hurts his family. I'm pretty sure he knows this all along so this isn't, like, some revelation further down the line that "hey, those things I did were probably kinda bad." He got the memo already. 

Ragnarok 

Fast forward to Ragnarok, and we're introduced to a version of Loki who's had 4ish years to sit with everything that's happened. To sit with it and not do much else. The rawness of it has faded, and now it seems as though it's just become a thing, like when you move through life aware of your childhood traumas and have more or less just accepted them (and you probably share a lot of really funny depression memes on Facebook, which is kinda the equivalent of Loki's play, but that's probably just me). 

Loki has, more or less, chilled out. He seems more bored than anything else; he's been masquerading as Odin for longer than he ever planned or intended to, so he's more or less ended up hanging out, letting Asgard mind its own business, and entertaining himself with silly plays. This is the version that starts out the movie as an antagonist to Thor - a version that is, arguably, in a much different place [and is a much milder threat] than the version who originally did those Bad Things. 

And of course Thor is still mad at him, and of course they're going to butt heads, because that's what they do (and Thor's grievances are genuine, I’ll add, bc it's not really his fault he assumed Loki faked his death, nor can he be blamed for being pissed about Odin).

One argument framed this version of Loki as being a person who is facing the awkwardness of coming out of a dark place, which is fair. If we're going to frame his actions in Thor 1 as a tantrum, then Ragnarok would be the part where the toddler has been taken home, possibly has had some lunch and a juice box, and is now watching cartoons. They're over the tantrum, and would probably feel pretty silly about it if they weren't, yknow, toddlers. They probably can't remember why they even wanted that toy so badly. If they're a little older and self-aware, they might even be embarrassed for having melted down.

Like the word tantrum, this feeling isn't a thing limited to toddlers. I know I've had a few epic meltdowns as a grown ass adult, and I know I always feel deeply embarrassed afterwards - like, want to crawl into a hole and die. I've said things I can't take back. Adolescents and teenagers throw tantrums, mentally ill people throw tantrums, adults throw tantrums (I mean, my god, look at all the videos of Karens having screaming meltdowns - screaming! - over having to wear masks in order to shop at stores). Humans throw tantrums. And usually, after the feelings have been let out and the tantrum has passed, humans feel pretty regretful and awkward and embarrassed about whatever they did and said in the midst of their meltdown. 

I get all of that and agree it's valid and that Loki probably feels it. By the time Ragnarok happens, Loki's had some time to reflect and think hmm, yeah, probably could've handled that one a lot better. The argument further goes that in order to navigate this awkward period, Loki must come to terms with what he's done, acknowledge that some things can't be unsaid or undone, and begin to make amends. Supposedly, some people feel that Loki becomes a better person because he does "own" everything he did wrong and, even though he feels like a jackass (paraphrasing), he sets that aside to become a become a better person by choosing to help Thor and Asgard at the end. 

Thus, the overall arc goes like this. Loki, Thor's jealous little brother, 

throws a tantrum of epic proportions bc Reasons 

continues to act badly and make things even worse (Avengers) 

has to face consequences for his actions (prison sentence) 

ends up with a stretch of time in which he's free to contemplate and chill out 

feels embarrassed and awkward about how he's behaved

sees an opportunity to make up for it and decides to take it 

helps Thor, saves the day, and ends the film a better person. 

Redemption achieved.

None of this is wrong. The film supports it. It's a fair interpretation. But it leaves. out. so. much.

To circle all the way back around Loki being "a clenched fist with hair," and his actions stemming from his self-hatred, you have to ask - how did he get that way? He didn't end up with all this self-hatred on accident. Generally, one isn't born despising themselves, it's a learned behavior. (I realize chemical imbalances are a thing, obviously, as I have Mental Shit myself, but for argument's sake I'm assuming that's not the case with Loki [at this point in time]). 

Where did Loki learn it? From his family, from his surroundings, from his culture. We see examples of these microaggressions in the first, like, twenty minutes of the movie - a guard openly laughs at Loki's magic after Thor makes a joke about it (the tone of the conversation implies that Thor "jokes" like this often) and though Loki does the snake thing, the guard faces no real consequences. Thor doesn't acknowledge that anything went amiss. Not much later, on their way to Jotunheim, Loki's barely gotten two words out to Heimdall before Thor cuts him off, steps in front of him, and takes charge. Loki doesn't look annoyed at this; he looks resigned. 

Then, for absolutely no reason at all, Volstagg decides to make a jab at Loki ("silver tongue turned to lead?") just because he can. The ease with which he makes this comment and the way that no one else blinks an eye at it implies that this isn't out of the norm. And Loki doesn't react, not really. In the deleted version, he delivers a particularly nasty comeback but he delivers it under his breath, without intending Volstagg to hear it. In the final version, he simply says nothing, though his expression can be read as hurt or stung. Either way, the audience sees an example of Loki being walked all over by Thor and his friends and bottling up his reactions instead of standing up for himself. 

Microaggressions matter. They are mentally and emotionally damaging. They hurt. The implication that this is not unusual treatment for Loki means that Loki's probably gone through this for most of his life. It's like the equivalent of being, I don't know, twenty two and you're the friend who has to walk behind the others when the sidewalk isn't wide enough, and it's been that way since the first day of kindergarten. At this point, you're used to it, but that doesn't make it hurt any less when the jabs come seemingly out of nowhere, for no reason other than to make you feel bad.

(I personally identify a lot with this bc I experienced passive bullying in social settings for years. I was the 'doesn't fit on the sidewalk' friend; I hung around with people who'd pretend to be my friend and would be more or less nice to my face, but would laugh at me and make fun of me behind my back for whatever reasons. And often there'd be the random jabs at me, things that would come out of nowhere to smack me in the face, followed by the fake laugh and “just kidding!" so that I couldn't even get upset without being made to feel like I was overreacting and couldn't take a joke. I'd deal with this socially, particularly in middle school when girls are their most vicious, and then I'd go home and, because I was the only girl with a lot of brothers and because boys are mean and because I am who I am, the dynamic was that my brothers would just endlessly roast me to my face and sometimes it was a "just kidding!" thing, where I was the only one not laughing. But that’s beside the point; my point is that microaggressions, passive bullying, and consistent invalidation are harmful and that shit stays with you into adulthood.) 

So, yes, Loki needs to be held responsible for his misdeeds, and it's valid to say that he recognizes those misdeeds and wants to make amends. I have never disagreed with that. But the problem with this interpretation is that it lets every single other character who contributed to Loki's self-hatred and mental breakdown (let's just call a spade a spade here, that's what it was; he was broken psychologically) get off scot-free.

First of all,

Odin is not held accountable for instilling in the princes a mentality of Asgard first, everyone is beneath us but Jotuns are benath us the most, they are literal monsters. He is not held accountable for pitting his sons against one another (even if it was unintentional, he still did it) with "you were both born to be kings but only one of you can rule" being the general tone of their upbringing. He's not held accountable for his favoritism toward Thor.

Frigga is not held accountable for deferring to Odin both in supporting the above things and in keeping the truth of Loki's origins a secret while doing nothing to discourage the "monsters" narrative. 

Thor is not held accountable for his own tendency of taking Loki for granted (he assumes Loki will come to Jotunheim, he oversteps Loki constantly, “know your place,” etc.. He grants his implicit permission for Loki to be treated as the sidewalk friend in their “group,” a group which is loyal to and takes their cues from Thor as Thor continues to do nothing in his brother's defense).

[Note: Wanting Thor to be held accountable for things he's done wrong isn't vilifying him. Acknowledging that Thor benefited from Odin's favoritism and his own place as Crown Prince doesn't negate Thor also being raised in an abusive environment. I don't think anyone's saying that or, if they have, it's not something I agree with.]

Furthermore, 

Odin is not held accountable for his cruelty in disowning Loki (”your birthright was to die” is never going to be forgotten, speaking of people saying things that can't be unsaid or taken back) and in sentencing Loki to a severe prison sentence (life! only bc Frigga wouldn't let him execute Loki) for crimes that are no worse than what Odin himself has committed (around which the entire plot of Ragnarok revolves! Colonialism (and subjugation) is wrong is, like, a major theme [that people rush to praise, even] here). 

Thor is also never held accountable for not trying harder to understand what made Loki snap (fair enough, he didn't have a ton of time after returning from Earth, but certainly he had lots of time to sit around reflecting while Loki was being tortured by Thanos for a year). He knows Loki is "not himself" and "beyond reason" and accepts it at face value; he questions it once and then lets it go. He's fine with assuming Loki's just lost his mind, and isn't that a shame. (I realize I'm simplifying Thor's emotions but my point is that Thor could've tried harder to figure out that Loki was being influenced and/or not acting completely autonomously.) 

Thor is also never held accountable for - if not facing consequences for his own slaughter of Jotuns - then at least addressing why Loki can't kill an entire race even though Thor tried to do that, like, two days ago. (Granted, it’s difficult to understand how Thor got from Point A ("let's finish them together, Father!") to Point B (this is wrong!), but that failing belongs to Thor 1 (which is not, by the way, a perfect movie).

The interpretation that Loki is fully redeemed because he took responsibility for his actions, returned to Asgard, and allied himself with Thor to save their people is all well and good - but, why is Loki the only one here who has to take responsibility for their actions? 

What about all the loose threads in his story? 

For example, how did he get from: 

Point A (believing himself a literal monster, having a complete mental breakdown, getting tortured and further traumatized after that, etc) 

to 

Point B (Hey, yknow what would be fun? I'm going to write and direct a play about how I heroically died to save Thor and Jane, and I'll go ahead and have Odin say he accepts me and has always loved me. I'm going to do these things because Odin never said this in real life and instead of acknowledging my sacrifice, Thor left my body in the dirt, so someone has to validate what I've done right and that someone might as well be me. And hey, while I'm at it, I'm going to control the narrative on revealing myself as Jotun to Asgard, instead of living in fear of it being found out, and I'm going to do it in a way that they have to sympathize with me and revere me in death, bc they never bothered to do so when I was alive. And Matt Damon should play me, also.) 

to 

Point C (Yeah, I guess I feel kinda awkward about that whole tantrum thing, also I should help Thor and support him being king.)

? 

The answers to these questions are handwaved and the audience takes that to mean they don't matter. Furthermore, framing Loki's redemption around an act of service (more or less) to Thor makes Loki's redemption about Thor. Does Loki make this decision for the sake of Thor and of Asgard, or does he make it for himself? It's not super clear to me, and I think arguments can be made for both. Which, again, is fine, but - whatever.

If we're going to collectively agree, as a fandom, that Loki is complex, that he's morally gray, that he's worthy of redemption and therefore arguably a good person who's done bad things, then why is it asking too much to have it acknowledged that Thor (also a good person who's done bad things) played a part in Loki's downfall and has shit to apologize for, too? Bc one can only assume the reason is that you're taking a very gray concept and making it black and white by saying Loki has to apologize and make amends because he is the villain, and Thor doesn't because he is the hero (and it's his movie). And it's lazy.

This is where the crux of the issue lands. There's more than one valid interpretation, yes. And no two people (or groups of people, or whatever) are going to consume and therefore interpret or analyze the source material in the same way. I think I saw a post recently about how studies have been done on this, in fact. But, there is a lot going on under the surface that tends to get overlooked when exploring Loki's redemption arc in Ragnarok, as far as I can see, and that’s why I don’t consider it satisfactory. 

[I did read similar arguments regarding other issues that are often debated ('debated'), like Loki's magic and/or being underpowered, whether or not Loki's betrayal of Thor was the natural outcome of the situation on Sakaar or not, whether Thor actually gets closure with Odin [if he does, how does he reconcile the father he's idolized with the imperialistic conqueror he's discovered? Why doesn't he hold Odin responsible for covering up Hela's existence and the threat of her return, especially as he knew he was nearing the end of his life? Is Thor's "I'm not as strong as you" meant to imply that he acknowledges those shortcomings of Odin's and that he's okay with them, or that he's just overlooking them, or is he not okay with them but didn't have the chance to get into it bc he was in the middle of battle? T'Challa confronted his father on his wrongdoings in Black Panther; could Thor not have had at least one line that was confrontational enough to establish where he stands as opposed to this gray middle? Can someone explain to me how any of this equates to Thor gaining closure? Please?) but obviously I'm not going to go into all of them (well, I tried not to), bc this mammoth post has gone on long enough (I may not even post this tbh)]

- but my overall point to this entire thing is that when I say I'm critical of Ragnarok bc it's flawed, that Loki's arc was neither complete nor satisfactory, that many things went unaddressed and, due to all of these things, I do not think Ragnarok is a very good movie nor a very cohesive movie, this is where I'm coming from. I have not seen anything to change my mind to the contrary. 

But I am not saying that anyone satisfied with it is wrong, or shouldn't have the interpretation that they do. I'm not vilifying Thor in order to lift Loki up, just acknowledging that Thor is arguably just as flawed as Loki without the stigma of being Designated Villain. I think a lot of these arguments get overlooked or dismissed, and that's fine, but it doesn't make the people who do engage with them hateful, or bitter, or trying to excuse Loki's crimes, or feeling like redemption means that Loki's crimes should be erased rather than reconciled. 

And sure, yes, perhaps we are expecting too much and exploring all of these themes (or wanting them explored) means that somehow we think it should be Loki's movie (we don't). Loki is a supporting character, but he's still a character. And the movie itself doesn't have to delve into all these things - no one's saying that. (At least, I'm not.) We just want acknowledgement, from the narrative, that this stuff was an Issue. 

This could have been accomplished with - 

Some dialogue closer to the novelization (and original script), like Thor and Loki both acknowledging the harm they've done one another and their kingdom due to their Feels.

 A single line of Thor confronting Odin, or even asking "Why?" 

A narrative acknowledgement that Odin did both Thor and Loki dirty (”I love you, my sons” isn't an apology, because it doesn't acknowledge either that there's been wrong-doing or express regret for having done the wrong in the first place). 

A little bit more nuance in the way Loki treats his own past (ie, instead of flippantly telling the story of his suicide attempt, maybe - if it must be flippant - talk about getting blasted in the face with Hawkeye's arrow or sailing through to Svartalfheim [And in that moment, I sang ta-daaaa!]) or whatever. 

I recognize that wanting full, in-depth exploration on all of these issues regarding a supporting character is probably too much to ask or expect - but, I also feel like, if you're going to be professionally writing a narrative (or rewriting/improvising, as it were), it's not too much to ask that a little more care be taken in regards to all of the layers that have contributed to said supporting character's downfall and subsequent redemption arc. I don't think that's an unreasonable thing to want. 

And maybe if there had been more nuance and continuity in how these things were portrayed on screen (ie, if TW had actually done as good a job as his stans think he did), the fandom wouldn't have divided and conquered itself over which "version" of the same character is more valid and whether or not the film did its best to close out a trilogy (not start a new one), to the point where everyone in this fandom space makes navigating it feel like walking through a minefield. 

But, I mean 

(Again, please don’t reblog if possible.) 

Edit: Okay to reblog. <3 

[fruitless-nonsense]

would you analyze haylijah?

You read my mind (literally I was just thinking about this last night)!

Firstly, I’m sorry how long I took to answer, work was killing me. I also wanna say how appreciative I am that people like you are interacting with me, so thank you!

Okay, so Haylijah! What I take from them is a simple issue that the writers continue to make in to and tvd: beating a dead horse. Confession time! I genuinely liked these two in season one. They were cute, had good chemistry, a connection that wasn’t inherently toxic, and just cause they were paired didn’t mean they were tied to each other (I.e - had different storylines and stuff to do). I also liked how they took their time with it (like I said, they had stuff to do). I mean, I guess Hayley falling for the brother of her baby daddy is a bit weird of a dynamic, but it’s not like Klaus owns her just cause they slept together once. It also helped that I enjoyed both characters at the time. That’s really it, just a surprisingly unproblematic pairing. So what happened? A lot, a lot happened.

In season one, we are introduced to Jackson (who’s his own can of worms, believe me) and is immediately presented as a love interest for Hayley (love triangle oh boy!). It’s not really until season two that Hayley shows signs that she might feel things for the man, and then they have to get married. Couple that with Elijah inexplicably being distant towards Hayley for reasons I can only guess are to raise conflict and nothing else (cause seriously it made no sense). So they sleep together (I don’t know either, guess they patched things up and love each other again. You’ll notice that’s a theme) after Hayley explains that she’s marrying Jackson and they can’t be together. We skip to the wedding and they both have a heart to heart and end their relationship for good. I have to be honest, as a finale to this ship, it was perfect! It wasn’t just Hayley repeating “I’m marrying Jackson for the pack, we can’t do this anymore,” Hayley brought up her issues with Elijah. He’s the kind of guy who isn’t good at showing his feelings (to each their own), and Hayley wants more. She gave her entire heart to Elijah and got barely anything in return. Maybe she doesn’t love Jackson now, but he’s what she wants and perhaps she can learn to. Good scene, good episode, good season. This talk was expanded a bit in the finale when Gia had gone to Elijah, and just when it looks like he’s pushing another person he cares for away he goes back and kisses her (this might be me stretching but I have an overactive imagination). So what happened? It wasn’t over.

Season three had these two interacting a lot more (I mean Hayley didn’t have her own storyline at this point, so it’s unsurprising), and the writers decided to give them this lingering tension as to hang onto the pairing. Now I don’t know about y’all, but at this point in the show I had moved on. Why can’t these two just be friends, why is this still a thing? This is the nature of every scene they share (which is a lot of scenes, Hayley do you have nothing better to do? Wait, I just remembered thanks to the writers you don’t!) until Jackson dies, and suddenly things go from lingering tension to will-they-won’t-they. Now, I don’t have a problem with this trope when done well, but the problem is this is less of potential and more dunking it in the water and taking it back out over and over. These two were together, but now it’s over, wait never mind it’s not over but we can’t be together, now the obstacle keeping us apart is gone we can do this, but I have to respect his memory, wait never mind let’s do this. It’s not even exhausting, it’s just boring. This is all during season three! They finally hook up again after Elijah tells her he murdered Marcel and Hayley just doesn’t react. Who cares that the man who saved her as a baby and has done everything in his power to protect her and her daughter was killed by this man? Hayley needs to assuage Elijah’s man-pain. Then she has the audacity to demand Klaus forgive him, and when he addresses the irony she just ignores him. This is the moment it got through my head that Hayley was no longer a character, and was just a puppet for the writers, but tbh it happened way earlier than that. The season ends with the fate of the Mikaelson’s falling on Hayley. Does this mean Hayley gets her own storyline again in season four? You see where I’m getting with this.

We get the first episode’s A plot starring Hayley exclusively as she fights to save them, and it was actually pretty fun, especially when she went into wolf form to tear apart some vampires. Unfortunately it doesn’t last long as she reunites with Elijah immediately. Okay, so at this point Elijah is dead to me and Hayley has ceased to be a real character. Outcome, they’re together now and I couldn’t care less. I could say it’s infuriating that Hayley doesn’t care that Elijah contemplated killing a bunch of children no older than Hope or actually killed four innocent teenagers for the harvest ritual (she does bring them up with him, but it’s always in a scolding manner that doesn’t affect how she feels about him), but what he does to her in the necklace is what makes her believe he’s not safe to be around Hope. Okay. Not much outside of this, they end things again shortly after he returns from the dead (another cliche that y’all keep doing!) The finale has them separated by the hollow and Elijah’s amnesia. So how are they gonna bring this back for season five? It’s much worse than that.

So season five skips to seven years later, and they both appear to have moved on with respective partners. Declan is boring (more of a Matt clone than people keep insisting Cami was) and Antoinette is interesting but also problematic, not that either of these people matter. They’re only plot devices (another female character who doesn’t get to be a character? Nice one guys!) to put a wrench in Haylijah despite Elijah’s amnesia already doing the job just fine. Surprisingly their relationship isn’t relevant at all for a good few episodes (mostly due to Hayley being missing. And then, he kills her. You know what I’m talking about. X character being responsible for loved ones death while they don’t remember said loved one cliche. Remember when this ship wasn’t inherently toxic? Tbh it hasn’t been harmless in a while. So we get stoic Elijah, and the others trying so desperately to make him and to the extension me believe that him and Hayley were this unbreakable love story for the ages, when in reality their relationship was a hot-and-cold nightmare. Take notes, if you’re gonna do a slow burn, don’t get them together and break them up over and over again unless you’re planning to spice up the relationship in some way every time. Because I lost interest so early, and I don’t think I’m the only one. So once Elijah gets his memory back his story arc is over for the season and he spends the remainder moping around (we could have gotten an entire story between him and Hope instead of one episode and a scene in another). He almost doesn’t go to his own sister’s wedding cause he’s man-paining too hard. Finally, he decides last minute to undercut Klaus’ self sacrificing so they could die together (cause who needs actual growth between these two?). It is speculated that Elijah reunites with Hayley in the afterlife and they live happily ever after (I say speculated because we didn’t get to see their afterlife even though we saw Hayley and Josh’s?).

So what is there to learn from this? Elijah was an interesting character who’s arc inverted Klaus in a clever kind of way, but would not stop hanging on Hayley. And Hayley herself is yet another female in this show who’s agency and character is stripped away to service the man. The main problem with this couple is how repetitive and predictable their story became. Unlike kolvina their beginning had promise, but they never grew from there, they only shrank.

[marimopeace]

d. gray-man still fucks me up...

in the best of ways, even after all these years plus breaks on my end as a fan and hoshino's circumstances.

loved all things gothic and fantasy in middle school to escape my life via power-wielding teens (i.e. 07-ghost, pandora hearts, soul eater, karneval, hakkenden, etc.) and d.gray-man was huge for me since i was still in a phase where i was binging all the long anime series i could since it gave my attn span something to latch onto and be immersed in for a good amount of time. tbh i can't tell if my attn span has gotten even shorter considering i usually substitute streaming social media videos over tv nowadays or better since i'm able to better sustain interests in specific niche things?

i switched to consuming content on a more seasonal basis in high school but i became more of a manga reader so at the time i was still on the nose for the rare new d.gray-man chapter. i was so excited for when hallow was announced! i think the hallow promo visuals + posters were some of the last things i shared on my old tumblr blog actually lmao. didn't love hallow as a show but i loved it for what it brought back to me in terms of bringing hoshino's drawings to life via sound + color and seeing ppl turn into fans via gifs in comment sections. that's part of the reason why the furuba reboot meant a lot to me too tbh! always so nice when you can see new and old fans come together to show artists the love they deserve <3

took a break from d.gray-man specifically since the searching for a.w. arc was just a lot for me to take in chapter by chapter since it was hard to keep track of intricate plot details without needing to re-read some chapters for every release and that's not how i enjoy content personally. and i guess from there life just kind of ? came and went? college + growing up in general with new life obligations have changed the way i pursue entertainment aha.

i don't know what switched it on but i ended up spending this past weekend going through everything from scratch! i haven't sat down to marathon 100+ chapters/episodes of anything in a long time since i either keep up with shorter serials now or keep up with things on a monthly basis and wowwww the immersion hit different this time fr XD i swear i felt like a kid again!

but wow going through the entire manga + anime bit by bit from my new position in life really made me appreciate hoshino's storytelling a lot more; it's not so much that the plot of d.gray-man aged well, but that the whole series works together to tell one of the most cohesive stories i've seen for a fantasy shonen (esp with such a young protagonist--allen is the age of a high school sophomore!!!!!! a literal child!!!! someone be on his side kthxJohnny).

when i say i went through bit by bit i MEAN IT i fully had a list of episodes via wikipedia out and i was going through chapter arcs as they were recreated in the old anime series i went in completely XD god i'm crazy.

but it felt so sweet and so wonderful to dive into the adventure head-on.

i'm trying to do the same with the hallow sequel but reading/watching d.gray-man like this is really making me see how rushed it was ^^; it's taking more chapters to get to where each episode of hallow ends and i get why hoshino was so peeved with both shows now to be honest for the out of order details or skipping of content.

i'm also really resonating with hoshino's anger towards TMS for the hallow promo materials and i get why she went as far as to shoot their bank accounts in the foot bc the way i started tearing up during hallow episode 6 with talk of the lotus, flashbacks, and the hand reaching up to the sky....ㅠㅠ #bigoop

kanda shouldn't have been shoved into a yaoi narrative for the sake of money (nor allen esp considering his age) since it completely goes against his character arc and everything he is with alma. i'm getting so fucked up by their past lives' love story and their current again like when i say the tears i'm shedding come from something so old and deep inside of me ㅠㅠ (oh lorde it's so sad!!)

i had to pause my marathon since i spent my monday without wifi bc of a storm in my area and it'll prob be a while until i can finish re-reading/watching until the end of hallow. i'm excited to read new saying goodbye to a.w chapters though! i know it'll definitely be worth waiting these past few years <3 seeing allen's character growth as he matured as a "destroyer who saves" and how he grapples w mana's influence is fascinating and exploring the nitty-gritty of the morality that pervades the Black Order is just! ugh love this kind of worldbuilding with strong characters sm

planning this next content binge will be tricky though since i meant to catch up on the furuba reboot before it ends next week...welp i'll see how this goes ^^;

// time to get to writing this thesis marimo! //

[shoutaaizawas]

Hey I saw your Dabi fics and I really love it 💕💕 For the event, can I please have Dabi with fake dating au and “Look at you... Goodness, you’re so cute.”?? Thank you so much 💗

thank you for this, i hope you don’t mind i went for a touya dabi for the sake of the plot here. hope you enjoy 💖

↳ dabi/touya todoroki x reader → “not real”

event: au prompt event summary: touya wants to bring you to dinner to pretend to be his girlfriend to upset his father. it doesn’t go quite as planned. word count: 1,942 tags/warnings: -light angst a/n: so on top of fake dating this is an au where the todoroki family is more functional that in the show but still messed up if that makes sense. writing dabi as touya was really fun tbh. also i lowkey ship fuyumi x hawks if i haven’t mentioned that before  👉👈🥺 (it’s only mentioned in this story)

Touya Todoroki was your friend, you had known him a long time. You were very close, you not only did a lot together but you shared a lot with each other. You knew about his family life and why avoided home so often so you were shocked when he told you he would be going to dinner at his family’s house.

“Will you pretend to be my girlfriend?” His words caught you off guard, you almost spit out your drink.

“What?” You asked. It would have been shocking regardless but you happened to have a crush on your best friend as well.

“I’m stuck going to this thing I might as well have some fun with it.” He said putting his hands behind his head as he stretched out on the couch. “My dad will be pissed that your quirkless it’ll be hilarious.”

“Are you sure it’s worth it stirring up trouble?” You asked. Being quirkless was a bit of a sensitive subject, not that you talked about it a lot.

“Yeah. And it would be nice having my best friend there to keep me sane.” He said with a smirk.

“Okay, if you want me to.” You told him. You knew it might be a bad idea but you wanted to help Touya out.

That’s how you ended up standing in front of the Todoroki estate wearing the nicest dress you had in your closet even though Touya tried to convince you to wear sweatpants. You convinced him to wear something normal, telling him that he was trying to make his dad mad not upset his mother. That shut him up pretty quickly.

You were nervous, to say the least, his family was intimidating, not only their high-class standing but knowing their personal history added another layer.

Touya’s hand enveloped yours as you waited for someone to answer the door and your heart nearly stopped. You had to remind yourself in your head that this wasn’t real. You weren’t Touya’s girlfriend. You were just here to upset his Dad. How did you get yourself into this?

The door opened and Enji Todoroki stood in the doorway nearly taking up all the space there. You gulped silently. You had seen the man on TV but in person, he was far more intimidating. This was a bad idea.

Enji looked at you for a moment before looking at his son.

“Who’s that?” He asked not even directing the question to you.

“My girlfriend. Move.” He said, pushing past his father and pulling you behind him. Touya’s words sent your heart fluttering and you had to repeat your mantra. This isn’t real.

Touya lead you into the kitchen where his mom was working on dinner. You had met her once before, she was sweet. You had been at Touya’s house and she stopped by to bring him some groceries.

“Touya.” She said with a big smile on her face as she set down the knife she was using to chop vegetables. “You brought your friend, it’s so good to see you again.” She said before giving you both hugs.

“My girlfriend.” He corrected. This wasn’t real.

“Oh, how lovely. I thought you two would end up together.” She says with a smile. This isn’t real. You notice an odd expression on his face. He probably feels bad lying to her.

His sister, Fuyumi joins the conversation.

“Wow, Touya brought his first girl home. She must be a brave soul to face this family.” She jokes. This isn’t real.

Rei gives her a look that’s familiar to anyone who’s ever said anything that has annoyed their mother.

“Can’t say the same for your bird-brain boyfriend.” Touya shoots back at his sister.

“Keigo is a very busy man, he doesn’t have a lot of free time.” She says folding her arms.

“Good excuse.” He returns.

“Okay, that’s enough of that,” Rei says, giving you an apologetic look.

“Sorry, mom.” They said in unison.

“Do you need any help with dinner?” You asked Rei.

“Oh, thank you for the offering. But everything is almost done.” She said with a smile. “You guys can go wait in the living room with Shoto and Natsuo.”

With that, you followed Touya and Fuyumi to the living room.

“It’s nice to meet you, I’m sorry about that. Not the best introduction but I can never miss an opportunity to get on Touya’s nerves.” Fuyumi said giving you a smile.

“Understandable.” You joked.

The living room was large and fancy, you had a feeling the furniture in this room alone was worth more than everything in your apartment. Including the apartment. Shoto and Natsuo sat there watching TV. You had met Natsuo and Shoto before so they weren’t unfamiliar. You knew Touya and Natsuo were very close, in fact, Natsuo knew of Touya’s plans tonight. Not that he approved of them but he wouldn’t spoil it.

Natsuo gave Touya a disapproving look before smiling at you. Shoto nodded in your direction. All of you made idle conversation until Rei told everyone dinner was ready.

Stepping into the dining room was terrifying. Enji sat at the head of the table and Rei sat down beside him. You followed Touya sitting as far away from Enji as you could. You shouldn’t have agreed to this. You prayed the focus would stay off of you but you knew it wouldn’t. There was a reason Touya brought you, he knew his family well. Enji was predictable.

The conversation went well for a while. Rei asked polite questions every once and a while in between everything. Just when you thought you’d get through the dinner without anything happening Enji looked to you.

“What quirk do you have?” The man cut to the chase. You gulped before answering.

“I don’t have a quirk, sir.” You answered.

Growing up wasn’t easy being quirkless. You had other children bullying you, teasing you, saying horrible things all because you didn’t have a quirk. But most of the time you were your own worst enemy. It hurt watching everyone around you getting exciting quirks while you waited and waited only to find that you didn’t have one.

Not to mention you always dreamed of being a hero but that dream was quickly ended. It was bad enough what you thought about yourself, you didn’t need others saying the same things confirming the truth.

“Touya, you dare to bring this worthless girl into our house.” Enji started. “Do you think I’d ever allow you to waste your time with someone who would only make this family worse?”

It was pitiful, you weren’t proud but tears started streaming down your face. You stood up and ran to the bathroom, locking the door behind you before sliding to the ground. You covered your face with your hands, trying to stop the tears. You could hear the stunned silence outside the door before chaos broke out.

“What is wrong with you? How could you say that to a guest at dinner?” Rei scolded, sounding far angrier than you thought possible. “You made her cry!”

“What the hell!” Touya yelled and you could hear his chair fall over as you assumed he stood up.

“What the hell?” Natsuo chimed in. “You’re the one who thought it’d be fun to have her pretend to be your girlfriend. You really didn’t think this would happen? What kind of friend are you? Did you even think about her feelings?”

“What kind of joke were you trying to pull?” Fuyumi jumped in sounding upset.

It was hard to make out what was being said as everyone was talking at the same time. After a few moments it died down and you heard footsteps approach. You looked around the bathroom praying there would be a window you could squeeze out of. Sadly the only window was far too small to get through.

There was a knock on the door.

“I know you’re in there.” Touya’s voice was soft. “Please. Let me in.”

You considered letting him stay out there for a bit but decided against it. You opened the door from your position on the floor, just enough for him to get in. Touya looked at you with a sad expression before sitting down next to you, the side of his thigh against yours.

“I’m sorry isn’t enough.” He said.

“I agreed to this.” You said quietly.

“He’s my father. I knew how awful he was and I never once thought about how you could get hurt. I was being selfish.” He said with a sigh. “I was too busy being an idiot.”

“That’s nothing new.” You teased, giving a sad laugh.

“I didn’t know that it was a sensitive topic. I should have, you’re my best friend. I lo-” Touya cut himself off. “I should have been better to you.”

“I know you didn’t mean it.” You say. Touya could be an idiot but he had never been cruel intentionally to you. “I should have said no, I didn’t tell you.”

“Why didn’t you say no?” He asks.

“I just wanted to help you.” You say. Because I love you, is what you meant.

“I didn’t just ask you piss my dad off.” He says and you look over at him. He lets out a breath before continuing. “I guess I just wanted one night where I could pretend you were my girlfriend.”

That wasn’t what you expected him to say. Your eyes widen.

“W-What?”

“I’ve liked you, for a long time.” He explains with an intense look in his piercing blue eyes. “You’re my best friend, you’re always there for me. You help me when I need it, you make me laugh and I love being around you. Most people I get sick of being around in a few hours but with you, I could spend every minute of my life with you and it still wouldn’t be enough.”

This feels like a dream, suddenly you feel like you can’t breathe and like your hearts going to beat out of your chest.

“Touya, I-” You start but he cuts you off.

“It’s okay if you don’t feel the same, I just hope we can still be friends.” He says.

“But I-”

“You really mean so much to me, I would hate to lose you because I-”

This time you cut him off, leaning in to kiss him, silencing his words. Touya catches on quickly and wraps his arms around your waist nearly pulling you onto his lap. You pull back when you need a breath.

“So I take it you feel the same way?” He questions, an eyebrow raised.

“If you stopped cutting me off I was trying to say that, idiot.” You scold.

“Sorry, you know me.” He said before leaning in for another kiss.

You sit there, arms around his neck staring at him with a goofy grin unable to contain the happiness you feel.

“Look at you… Goodness, you’re so cute.” Touya says returning your grin. “How did I get so lucky?”

“I could ask the same.” You smile.

The realization hits that you’re sitting in his family’s bathroom after running out of a family dinner crying. Touya notices your drop-in demeanor.

“Want me to sneak you out and we can get junk food and watch Avatar: The Last Airbender and cuddle till we pass out on your couch?” He asks.

“I sweat you’re the perfect man, even if you are an idiot sometimes.”

taglist:  @sugarmaplewings-fics @lilkiwisfinest @ewwis @kandy1410 @moonlightaangel @winnies-headcannons @bakugousidehoe @paintedr0ses1 @toobsessedsstuff @spellboundxizi @softkatsuki @x0doodlebug0x @katsuhoee

[hanjo-love]

If Isayama was rushing to the end he could have rushed to avoid Hanjis death instead of calculating situations to create a scenario to kill her.

Oh anonie, my thoughts about this are all over the place, imma try to sort them out for you, so bear with me ❤️

First of all, I actually have 2 theories regarding Hanjo, which I believe Yams just dropped and glossed over. I can't decide which one of them is more plausible. So you decide.

My first theory is that Hanjo was ought to have her own little arc. In that specific arc we were supposed to find out more about her past, that's the reason she was the only main character left without a background. It was meant to be important to the plot. My guess is: Hange's arc should have been the "titan scientists arc" hence all the statements of Yelena, Pieck, etc. about Hange "knowing more about titans than the titan scientists in Marley". I've also realized they deleted every scene in the anime where they were talking about these scientists and tbh this only proofs the point this was indeed supposed to be an important part of the plot but Yams gave up on his initial idea (don't get me even started talking about the serum injections of the volunteers that were shown to us plenty of times but Yams never made use of that AND FOR WHAT?). Furthermore I believe Hanjo would have died in her arc, but Yams skipped the entire arc, so she had to die a rather pointless, unnecessary and rushed death in the end (the latter is actually not an opinion, but a fact, prove me wrong, her death was unnecessary af).

Now here's the second theory, which I actually prefer, because I'm a biased Levihan trash lmao but hey, this is not random and out of the blue, we got all the hints, so lemme explain: Hange and Levi should have ended up together (platonic or romantic, take it as you wish, but don't deny the fact they're BFFs/soulmates), therefore I'm sure Hange was supposed to inherit the beast titan. Okay so I won't go that far to point out all the hints we got from Yams for the "Hange beast titan theory" to come true (there are already plenty of posts and videos about it, lemme know if you want me to send you some links, I'll gladly do that. Also check out the tags here on Tumblr). As I was saying, leaving all the hints aside, the way Zeke died without us knowing what happened to his titan and Falco turning into a birb titan all of a fucking sudden are major plot holes and don't make sense to me at all (let's still keep our fingers crossed Yams won't gloss over these plot armors and explain them properly in the last chapter🤞🏻). So that kinda proofs the point that something is indeed missing.

Sometimes I feel like, if Yams really is riding the train of "there's no space for people over 30 in my story and Levi's only alive cause he's a fan favorite", he wouldn't have let Hange live for that long. He wouldn't have revived her in the serum bowl arc. So what exactly was the point? Was she only supposed to be the bridge commander between Erwin and Armin? Or is there more to it? Imo if Yams kept her alive for that long, she was meant to survive alongside Levi and the alliance (at least a part of it tho I don't think Jean, Connie and Gabi are done for, they'll surely return to human beings and live happily ever after lol). And as a result of this, it would have been the most normal and common thing in the world for Hange and Levi to "end up together" and spend the rest of their lives together in the woods after surviving this war and retiring later on.

So why didn't Yams draw it as initially planned? Cause *inhales* HE'S AFRAID OF THE FUCKING BACKLASH! There you go, I said what I said and I'm not taking it back. For the fandom living together means being romantically involved, ergo declaring a pair as canon and these morons fans aren't having it. They would've sent death threats to Yams' address or God knows what 🤦🏻‍♀️ "So what to do now?" Yams probably thought as he carelessly decided to remove his best written character, thinking he probably killed 2 birds with one stone, cause we were not supposed to find out he skipped at least one entire arc and that he actually kneeled down to the salty antis... But hey Yams, guess what? WE FUCKING NOTICED AND WE AIN'T HAVING NONE OF YO' SHIT ANYMORE.

TL;DR so basically what I was trying to say is: Yams either planned to kill Hange off "properly" after her little arc finished or he wanted her to live on with Levi as the last vets alive BUT HE FUCKING CHANGED HIS FUCKING MIND FOR GOD KNOWS WHAT FUCKING REASONS AND HE'S STRAIGHT UP RUSHING THE ENTIRE FUCKING FINAL ARC WITH SO MANY FUCKING PLOT HOLES WHICH IS ABSOLUTELY NOT HIS FUCKING STYLE AND I'M FUCKING STRESSED OUT lmfao

Thanks for reading my Ted talk lmao and thanks for bearing with me til the the end. Here's a cookie 🍪 and thanks for the ask anonie ❤️ this was really stressing me out, ngl haha I kept coming back to this after trying to sort out my thoughts, not sure if I've managed to do that tho 🤷🏻‍♀️😂

[fuckyeahisawthat]

Have you been asked yet to rank Trust eps? Cos I'm asking! But your the criteria for ranking I leave to you to decide.

Ahahahaha I’ll have you know I put way too much thought into this. :-D

Ok so first of all, there is no such thing as a bad episode of Trust. The whole thing is really tightly written, every character and plot thread has a purpose, and even the episodes that I haven’t watched over and over again are important to the overall story. And a lot of the impact of the show comes from things that are cumulative over multiple episodes.

That being said, I do have favorites. Since the definitive ranking of Primo’s outfits has already been taken care of, here is my ranking from least to most favorite based on some nebulous criteria of artistic/narrative effectiveness and emotional impact, my judgement of which is obviously highly subjective and also correct.

Under the cut because this got ummm unbelievably, ridiculously long.

10. The House of Getty (episode 1)

Sorry Danny Boyle and Simon Beaufoy, the pilot is my least favorite episode. Still think it was the wrong choice to open with a flashy (and, I can tell, expensive) sequence showcasing the death of a character we literally never see again. And, look, I’m an impatient viewer. If I don’t get someone to root for/emotionally identify with/otherwise catch my interest early on in a narrative, I’ll tune out. And Old Paul is not only unlikeable--far from a mortal sin in dramatic storytelling--he’s boring. I don’t care about any of his rich people problems, and I’m not the kind of viewer who can be kept engaged just by hating someone and watching them be terrible.

Some of the secondary characters in the Getty household do have interesting plotlines, but we don’t get to learn very much about them in the first episode. And I do think things get interesting once Little Paul shows up (although I maintain that the whole episode is more interesting if we understand what the stakes are for Paul getting the money), but if I had started watching this show with no context I wouldn’t have made it past Old Paul’s pre-coital erotica listening routine.

If this had been anything other than the first episode I might not have ranked it last, but extra penalty points for leading with your least interesting characters.

9. Lone Star (episode 2)

This episode is, I think, saddled by the fact that it has to do a lot of heavy lifting in terms of exposition and setup. It mostly works because Chace is an entertaining narrator, and once we get to Italy with Gail I think things zip along at a pretty good pace. Opens with an attempted rape to show how Bad the Bad Guys are, which is...not my favorite trope.

Once again, I think a lot of the information in this episode would have worked better if episode 3 had been episode 1. (We’d already know who Berto was when Chace meets him; we’d already know about the box of guns in the apartment; we’d know when certain characters are lying.) This whole show runs on the suspense of the audience being the only party who knows what’s going on with all the characters at once; I think trading mystery for suspense here was the wrong move. I also can’t help thinking there was pressure to front-load the well-known American actors in the beginning of the show at the expense of the strongest narrative choices.

Imo the best thing about this episode is the sort of...multiple competing images of Paul that emerge. His mom sees him as an innocent victim who couldn’t possibly have planned any of this. Chace sees him as a spoiled rich kid trying to swindle his granddad. Neither one of them has the complete truth.

Next we get into some episodes that are certainly not bad, but their greatness is more on the level of some bangin’ individual scenes than a whole package.

8. John, Chapter 11 (episode 6)

Again, this isn’t a bad episode. The main reason I put it near the end of the list is that the first time through I got sort of impatient during the first half. We, the audience, by virtue of our extra-textual knowledge, know that Paul can’t be dead, and we spend about half the episode before we know what really happened to him, which felt a bit too long to me.

This episode does have some fantastic individual scenes including: Leo talking Primo down in the farmhouse, Leo and Paul’s conversation about Angelo’s death, Gail being an absolute badass, and the meeting between Salvatore and Old Paul. A lot of these scenes are essential on a thematic level, but I don’t think the episode as a whole is the most streamlined.

7. Consequences (episode 10)

I debated for a while where to put this episode because the overall feeling of 57 Chekov’s guns going off in the space of one episode is SO satisfying, and the resolutions of some of the individual plotlines are delicious. Ultimately I would have liked more space for Paul and Gail and less Old Paul being grumpy about his substitute child museum’s mediocrity (although the scene with the bad reviews is hilarious). Once again I feel like the show creators felt they had to pull the focus back to Old Paul to wrap things up and I just. don’t care.

That being said. The resolution of Primo’s storyline? SO SATISFYING. And tbh I don’t dislike the scenes that exist with Paul and Gail; even the happy scenes have this poignant tone to them. I think they were trying to deal with the fact that his irl story is just...incredibly fucking tragic, and you can see a bit of the strain showing.

6. Kodachrome (episode 7)

I know episode 7 is not one of your personal favorites, but it’s the one where I think jumping between multiple plotlines/sets of characters is used to the most satisfying dramatic effect. It has this sense of dramatic irony that feels like some Shakespearean family tragedy. The whole episode, we are hoping that Paul Jr. will finally do the thing we want him to do, which is stand up to his father. And he does it--but at the absolute worst, most selfish and destructive moment possible.

Paul Jr. may be the literal worst, but I do have compassion for him in the flashbacks, mostly because it seems painfully apparent that no matter what he does, he will never be able to please his father. But he doesn’t seem to realize this, and he keeps trying, even as it’s destroying him and his relationship with his family. Credit to Michael Esper for his performance for making me feel a smidgen of compassion for this bastard.

I think the other thing this episode shows is how both of Paul’s parents keep putting him, a child, into roles and circumstances that he shouldn’t really be in. He’s wandering around through what seem like very much adult environments with his dad and Talitha in Morocco. In the Trust version of events he’s there when Talitha ODs and is the one trying to revive her while his dad is having a breakdown in the corner. Gail seems like the more responsible parent but there’s something about her bringing Paul as her “date” on a night out, and the understanding that this is a thing that happens regularly...to me the disturbing part is not so much bringing a young kid to a party with adults but the unspoken expectation that Little Paul will fill the void of companionship that his father has left empty. (Gettys expecting Little Paul to step in to cover for the failings of his father is a repeated theme, and it even plays into the ear thing. His family has failed to pay the ransom, so this is now a problem he has to solve himself.) Combine this all with Leonardo going, um, excuse me but what the actual fuck is wrong with your family? and I think it makes a very effective episode. And the last couple minutes had me yelling NOOOOOOOO GODDAMMIT because you can see what’s going to happen and you’re just watching it unfolding like a car wreck. Also has one of my hands-down favorite scenes, of Paul and Primo in the car waiting for the ransom.

5. White Car in a Snowstorm (episode 9)

The ~ D R A M A !!! ~ This episode is an opera. I mean this whole show is dramatique but episode 9 really leans into the vivid imagery--that snowy highway in the mountains above the sea, the all-white ransom exchange, Paul clinging to the pole at the shuttered Getty gas station, some Very Serious Mobsters throwing the ransom money around like idiots in a moment where you’re encouraged to be happy along with them.

This is also one of my favorite episodes for Primo and for Primo and Paul’s weird sometimes-alliance. Primo walking away from Salvatore to go tell Paul “they always pay in the end”? Primo and Paul teaming up to argue with Salvatore about why Paul shouldn’t die? Primo being all threateny to the doctor treating Paul because somewhere deep down he is worried (that’s my take and you’ll never convince me otherwise)? Primo dressing up to fake-scab on a postal strike in order to find a misplaced severed ear? All gold.

Fun fact: the letter Gail writes to President Nixon did happen in real life, but as far as I can tell the phone call did not. The real details of who convinced Old Paul to finally pay (some) of the ransom are considerably less cinematic. They’re the same amount of sexist though!

Ok now we are getting to the top tier...

4. That’s All Folks! (episode 4)

This is definitely the episode that took me from “ok this is fun” to “oh holy shit I’m invested now.” It’s the episode where we get introduced to most of the Calabrian characters and their world. It’s also the episode where we start to realize that Primo is not just a fun antagonist but is really a parallel protagonist to Little Paul, with his own set of relationships and motivations that we start to see from his POV. (I’d argue that, with the exception of his very first scene, we’ve mostly seen Primo through other characters’ gaze up until episode 4, and this is the point where we start watching him as like, the character whose pursuit of a goal we’re following over the course of the scene.)

This episode ranks high for capturing so much of the weird mix of tones that makes Trust work. It can be very funny. (I never fail to fuckin lose it when Fifty is on the phone with Gail the first time and when he’s talking to the thoroughly unimpressed newspaper switchboard operator.) It has this weird unexpected intimacy between characters you wouldn’t think would connect with each other. (Primo and Paul, Paul and Angelo; in retrospect the arc of the relationship between Primo and Leo gets started in that scene in Salvatore’s kitchen.) And it has one of the show’s absolute best record-scratch tone shifts when Primo gets the ransom offer. I remember saying “oh FUCK” out loud the first time I watched the end of that episode, when Primo comes back to the house, visibly drunk and clearly furious. We’ve seen him be violent plenty before now in the show, but always in a controlled, calculated way. This is the first time we see his potential for out-of-control rage-fueled violence and he’s terrifying!

3. La Dolce Vita (episode 3)

I stand by my claim that this episode (with a few minor continuity adjustments) should have been the pilot. Can you imagine a title card that’s like “Rome 1973” and then away we go with Paul snorting coke and taking racy photos and jumping on cops and fucking his girlfriend in what is definitely not proper museum etiquette, and then the smash cut to Primo intimidating and robbing and murdering people? And that’s the opening of the whole show? And you’re like how are these characters connected and then they meet each other and it’s the fucking sunflower field scene??

Anyway aside from the fact that I think knowing the information in this episode would have made episodes 1 and 2 more interesting...it’s just a great fucking episode. It’s kinetic and propulsive and funny and tense and violent and features Primo’s sniper skills and his ass in those cornflower blue trousers. I rest my case.

2. Silenzio (episode 5)

I’ll be honest, I went back and forth on the top two a bunch. Silenzio is definitely my personal favorite episode, and I’d argue that it’s the best written, in terms of what it accomplishes narratively, which is to keep you emotionally invested in both Paul and Angelo trying to escape with their lives, and Primo and Leonardo hunting them down. That’s so fucking hard!! And yes some of it is great acting but it starts from the foundation of the writing. It’s just such a perfect little self-contained horror movie, and it has this profound sense of fatalism to it, because you know from the beginning (if only by virtue of only being halfway through the series) that Paul is not going to escape, and you sort of know that there is only one way this will end for Angelo. And yet they escape by the skin of their teeth so! many! times!

It’s also the episode where you see how much power the ‘Ndrangheta has over people’s lives in this community: Salvatore is like God, calling his servants to him with the church bells. Combine that with the visuals of two characters running for their lives mostly on foot through this unforgiving landscape, and you really get the sense of this environment as a harsh place where most people have a very constrained set of choices, and the claustrophobia of that. You get the sense in this episode that everyone is trapped in these expectations of violence and duty and honor. Angelo did what anyone with compassion would do, and saved Paul from what seemed like certain death, and he’s doomed for it. At the same time Primo is doing exactly what anyone would expect him to do in response to a subordinate who disobeyed him. In some ways the end of the episode feels inevitable, unsurprising, and yet they do SUCH a good job of winding up the tension until the literal last seconds of the episode, and then releasing it with a big dramatic bang. It’s so good!!

1. In the Name of the Father (episode 8)

Ok I’ll be honest the ONLY reason In the Name of the Father edged out Silenzio for the top spot is that it is really clear they pulled out all the stops in terms of making this episode feel extra heightened in a show where everything is already heightened. Like, the cinematography is different? They still use handheld a lot but I swear there are more still shots and more extreme, editorial camera angles like that shot of Francesco looking upward in church where the camera is looking down from above him. I can’t tell if they actually tweaked the color grading or if the bright white and blood red just stand out against the Calabrian color palette which is mostly earth tones, browns and greens and blues.

There are just. So many layers to this episode. The imagery! The literal sacrificial lamb at the beginning, Francesco being guided by Leonardo through an act of violence against an animal, something that I’m sure they don’t even see as violence but just part of farm life, part of survival and in this case part of a celebration, but something that fathers teach their sons how to do as part of becoming a man in this world. Paul as the metaphorical sacrificial lamb later, drawing parallels to Jesus (the lamb of God), Isaac (a father sacrificing his son), any number of martyred saints, pick your Catholic imagery. The blood of the lamb on the tree stump and Paul’s blood on the stone. The communion wafer (the body and blood of Christ) and Francesco at the end with Paul’s blood and a literal piece of his body held in his hands the same way.

And then there is like, the suspense of watching everyone marking time through the steps of this community ritual that’s supposed to be a joyful, communal celebration, while we know that there is a secret ticking away under the surface. The slow unfolding of the lie told to one person spreading to everyone in the village, and then the knowledge that Salvatore knows spreading to all the people who’ll be in trouble for that. The relationship arcs between the main Calabrian characters...not resolving, but sliding into place for the final act. Primo finally being done with Salvatore. Primo and Leo’s alliance being cemented and Leo physically stepping between Primo and Salvatore, to protect Primo. (No one ever protects Primo!! Still not over it!!!!) The confirmation celebration as a mirror of the Getty party in episode 1, the parallels drawn between the 3 Pauls and Salvatore-Primo-Francesco and how Primo reacts to being passed over as heir vs. how Paul Jr. reacts. Little Paul having two whole minutes of screen time and managing to break your heart with them. Regina! Just...Regina’s whole everything. The music going all-instrumental for an episode and having this haunting, dreamlike but still tense quality to it. And the fact that we never cut away from Calabria to another plotline gives the whole episode this hypnotic, all-encompassing quality. It’s just. SO GOOD!!!!