#this is the worst response to an ask ever in existence im so sorry but my brain isnt functioning right rn 😭

[polarisjisung]

i want to join in on the jeno curb stomping too !!

CURB STOMP 👺👺

[sh4wty18]

can you please do jake webber best friends to lovers. like jakes been y/ns best friend since they were kids and neither of them knew they liked eachother until they went to a party and all that. and then add some cute lil smut in there as well but theyre both virgins. ❤️thank uuu:)

omg im so sorry for the delayed response, i was not motivated to write for a while! i hope you enjoy :)

best friend.

pairing: jake webber x reader

summary: same as request except i didn't include the smut <3

cw: fluff, language, alcohol, some spice/suggestive ending but nothing too crazy

word count: 2.5k + edited

---

Since your childhood, Jake has been your best friend. You’d grown up together in Kansas, and being the only two “alternative” people at your middle and high schools, you stuck together. He’d always been the person you leaned on, and you were the same for him. Time didn’t seem to exist when you two were together, you could talk for hours and never get bored. Both your parents had expected you to end up dating eventually, and were shocked that after over ten years, it still hadn’t happened. But everyone always said you were soulmates, in one way or another. 

When Jake got famous, you were so proud of him. It had been his dream for years, he’d been posting little vlogs for a while, and sometimes you were even featured in them. But meeting Sam & Colby had caused his career to skyrocket. Then he moved to LA to keep pursuing his dream, and of course you supported him. You wanted all the success in the world for him, so you said goodbye. 

You made a point to visit him as often as possible, which he loved. You loved seeing him, and sometimes being featured in his videos. Being a side character in his on-screen persona had garnered you your own little fandom, and people loved seeing “with y/n!” attached to his video titles. Being famous was never your “thing”, though; it was Jake’s, and you respected him for it. You were happy with your small subset of fans, and couldn’t imagine constantly being scrutinized by millions of people. Jake’s rising stardom had no effect on your friendship, and now, after many long years of hard work, he is finally gaining the recognition you had hoped he’d receive since you were kids. 

With his newfound rise in fame came more money, and in turn, a bigger house in LA. Some time after his break up with Tara, Jake had asked you to move in with him and Johnnie. You worked from home, and had been visiting him so much that you practically lived with him part-time already, so of course you’d said yes. 

What he didn’t know was that for the last three years, you have been completely and hopelessly in love with him. You didn’t know why or when it started, really. You just knew that one day, seeing him kiss Tara made you want to rip your heart out. Obviously you never told him, you could never do that to him. He was in love with Tara, and you loved and respected him too much to ever come between them. You had also become friends with Tara, and would never want to hurt her. So you yearned in silence, fully believing you were going to go to take your feelings to the grave. Their breakup was unexpected, and despite being irrevocably in love with Jake, you weren’t happy about it. Seeing your best friend in pain was the worst feeling ever, so you made sure to help him through all the ups and downs until he and Tara were comfortably friends again. 

Moving in with him may not have been the best thing for your romantic feelings, but your friendship is stronger than ever. You are constantly together, and knowing how affectionate the two of you are, you’re always touching, too. Whether it be a finger linked through the belt loop, hands intertwined, leaning on each other’s shoulder, hugging from behind, or cuddled up on the couch, you always have to have your hands on each other. Jake wasn’t very drawn to physical touch with many people, only his closest friends, which made you feel special. You loved that the only people he acted like this with were you and Johnnie. And even though he was touchy with Johnnie, it was nowhere near the level of touchiness he had with you. Some people say your relationship is weird, too close, or codependent, but you guys just laugh it off. You didn’t care if people understood, you loved each other, full stop. 

For the past three years you have wanted more, desperately so. But you knew that Jake didn’t feel the same, so learning how to separate your romantic and platonic feelings for him was a challenge. You would never want to do anything to potentially ruin your perfect friendship, though, so you learned quickly.

This would all change tonight. 

You and Jake had been curled up in his bed together under a mountain of fluffy blankets, watching one of your favorite movies, when he turned to you.  

“Tara is having a party tonight at her place, if you wanna be my plus one,” He smiled, always excited to ask you to be his plus one to events.

One of the many life changes that occurred when you moved to LA was that you were now roped into “events” way more often than you were used to. Whether it be casual parties, brand deal socials, or filming videos, you were involved in more social interaction than you’d ever been exposed to back home. You were much more introverted than Jake, and the changes were sudden, but you were slowly getting the hang of it. Plus, Jake loved when you were involved, he wanted you to be there. You loved making him happy, so you were hardly one to say no. That being said, the once small group of fans you’d garnered from being featured in Jake’s early videos was not-so-little anymore, and you were gaining quite the following. This had never been the life you’d wanted per se, but it was growing on you. 

You turned your head towards Jake’s and smiled back at him, “Of course I’ll go with you.” 

He blushed, “Yayyyy, I love my best friend!” He squealed in a silly high pitched voice, and you giggled. You wrapped your arm around his waist and buried your head against his neck, spooning him for the rest of the movie. 

After it ended you let go of his waist to go get ready for the party, which elicited a whine from Jake, “Aww, I was comfy,” He pouted and let out a huff. 

You laugh, “We can cuddle later! I have to go get sexy for tonight,” You joke. 

“You always look sexy, we’re wasting valuable bestie nap time,” he gave you puppy eyes, and you blushed. It was the first time he’d ever called you sexy. 

“Don’t look at me like that,” You giggle, and look away, trying to hide your pink cheeks and hot ears. 

“Look at you like what?” He asks innocently, continuing to give you his biggest, prettiest puppy eyes. 

“Shut up,” You laugh, swatting your hand at him as you walk towards the door. 

“Hate you!” He shouts after you as you walk across the hall toward your bedroom. 

“Hate you more!” You yell back. 

–

Two hours later, you’re finally completely ready for the party. You took an ‘everything shower’, applied a full face of your favorite glam makeup, painted your nails, and put on a brand new lacy, skin-tight, black dress. You emerge from your bedroom and walk back across the hall to Jake’s room, knocking on the door.

He opens it and stares at you in awe. He could hardly stop his jaw from dropping as he got his first look at you, and you giggle with embarrassment.

“Hi,” You say, cheeks blushing.

“Hi,” He responds, still looking you up and down, unable to tear his eyes away from your body. “You look incredible.”

You let out a modest scoff and look away, “Stop it.” 

“I mean it, y/n! You are… stunning.”

He makes eye contact with you as he thoughtfully lands on the last word, stunning. You feel a wide grin spread across your face, the rosy hue in your cheeks definitely deepening even more, but for some reason, you weren’t embarrassed anymore, only confident. 

“Thanks, Jakey. You don’t look so bad yourself,” You say, finally eyeing him up in the same way he’d done to you. He was wearing low waisted baggy jeans and a cropped baby tee, showcasing the star tattoos traveling down his v-line. Your eyes lingered there for a second too long, and you couldn’t stop yourself from imagining kissing each of those stars before wrapping your mouth around his cock. 

He caught the glint in your eye and leaned against the door frame, smirking down at you, “Like what you see?” he teased, casually placing a hand in his pocket.

You feel yourself blushing again, but you stay strong, taking a step closer and smiling up at him, “Maybe I do.” 

He maintains eye contact with you for a few seconds, and before you know it you’re competing, seeing who will break the awkward sexual tension first.

He breaks, and his smug smirk falls into a grin as he playfully pushes your forehead away from him, “C’mon ya freak, let’s go to the party,” He laughs. 

You walk the few blocks to Tara’s house, listening to Jake rant about one of his recent hyperfixations. You loved listening to him rant. He wasn’t a big talker, and usually you were the one who did the majority of the ranting in your friendship, but sometimes Jake would allow himself to rant about something he loved. He only did it with people he was super comfortable with, and it wasn’t too often, even then. But tonight, he must have been in an extra good mood, because he talked the entire walk. You smiled, and nodded, and asked him questions, which he loved, both because it signified to him that he wasn’t boring you, and because it meant he got to keep talking about something he enjoyed. You loved seeing him like this, bubbly and excited and blabbing on and on about a show you’d never even heard of. When you finally arrived at Tara’s house, he turned to you and said, “Woah, I really just talked that entire time about Peaky Blinders, didn’t I?”

“Yup. But don’t worry, I love hearing your voice,” You smile, and he grins down at you.

“I love hearing your voice too, y/n.”

You knock on Tara’s door, and she opens within seconds. “Jake! Y/n! Welcome!! It’s so good to see you guys, you both look amazing!” She pulls you both into quick hugs and you follow behind her into the packed house. She had cleared out some of the furniture for a makeshift dance floor, and people were definitely putting it to use. She led you to the kitchen where you spotted bottles of liquor littered throughout. “Help yourself!” She shouted over the loud Ice Spice song that was currently playing, and walked away to greet more guests.

You and Jake shared a look, already knowing this party was going to be overstimulating unless you got some alcohol in your systems ASAP. He poured you both a shot of whatever was closest and shouted “Cheers!” before you both downed them. 

It only took a few drinks for you both to start feeling warm and buzzed. You grab his hand and begin leading him to the dance floor, social anxiety be damned. 

“Y/n are we actually about to dance right now?” Jake asked from behind you, and when you turned to face him, you saw a big, stupid grin on his face.

“Yes, Jake! I want to throw ass with my best friend, since when is that a crime?” You shout back dramatically, still tugging on his hand. 

He suddenly yanks your hand, pulling your body closer to his. In one swift motion, he’s wrapped your arm around the back of his neck, while his hands grip your hips tightly, steadying your body in front of him. He leans into your neck, lips grazing your ear as he whispers, “Ya know, I meant what I said earlier… you look beautiful.” 

You sigh at his words, leaning your head back to rest against his chest. You pull his neck closer, forcing his head down so you can whisper back, “I- I don’t just want to be your best friend anymore.” 

“I know,” He says, “I think… I think a part of me has always known. It was always going to be you, I just couldn’t see it yet. But I do now and… and I want you so bad-” You cut him off, closing whatever little space was left between your mouths, taking in all of him. You had imagined this situation millions of times– what it would feel like to envelope your lips in his. Were they soft? Warm? Was he messy or gentle? For years, you had fantasized about this moment, never thinking it’d actually happen. Yet here you are, finally. Kissing your best friend. And it was better than you could have ever dreamed, like a drug. As soon as you got a taste, you craved more. You swiveled your body so you were facing him, and his hands moved up and down your back and further down to squeeze your ass. You lifted yourself onto your tiptoes, bringing yourself even closer to him, hands tangling through his hair, as if in a desperate attempt to swallow him whole. One word rang out in your head over and over: more. 

You broke away eventually, gasping for breath, but he didn’t stop. Instead he moved down your jawline, sloppily kissing anywhere his lips landed, letting out soft grunts as he made his way down your neck, stopping to suck on a particularly sensitive area where he noticed your breath catch. 

“Wait,” You said, and he immediately stopped, placing a hand on your cheek.

“What is it? I’m sorry, did I do something wrong?” He asks, genuine concern painting his face.

“No, no! I just… I wanna make sure you mean it. You’re not just saying this because we’re tipsy, right? Because it’s real for me. You’re my best friend, Jake, and you always will be. But… I wanna be more. I wanna be yours.”

His face softens and he leans in to kiss you gently now, his hand still cradling your cheek. “Y/n, I promise, you are mine. And I’m yours. I’ve been yours since the day you moved in. I might be tipsy, but I’m still aware of what’s going on. I swear, I want this. I want you. Only you.” 

Tears well in your eyes and he wipes them away, “Don’t cry, angel.” 

“I just really love you.” You say, and the biggest smile you’ve ever seen spreads across his face.

“I really love you, too. God, I’ve wanted to say that for so long,” He lets out a relieved sigh. 

You lower your voice to a whisper against his ear, “I really think we should get out of here. You look so fucking sexy.” You’re the one kissing down his neck now, and he breathes out “Fuck.” 

You lead him through the crowd again, this time toward the front door. An Irish goodbye would have to do– being socially unacceptable would be worth it to be naked in his arms. 

---

this piece marks the end of my writing block! i have so many good johnnie requests from you guys that i'm excited to get working on :) as always likes and reblogs are appreciated!

[greennlin]

loved you at your worst, but that didn't matter

part two of two. cw: slightly ooc / could be read as slight yandere xiao. someone special makes an appearance !

22 / 8 / 23

soft moonlight seeps into the room you and xiao share. silent as a cat, he stalks into the room. his mask vanishes into a thousand green orbs into the air. today has been a long day helping out the traveller, and though adepti didn't need to sleep, he was looking forward to the inevitable relaxation that your shared room always held.

except, something was completely wrong.

your stuff- where did it go? all the small trinkets he'd gotten you over the years had suddenly vanished from the night table. your clothes hung non-existent in the dresser. all of the pictures that you and he carefully placed on the walls and shelves were removed.

thoughts swirled through his mind with confusion and ire. did someone break in? no, impossible. there were no signs of desperation nor manhandling. maybe you were visiting family? if so, why would you take with you the memories the two of you made together? unless..

no. he forcefully rejects the idea. you wouldn't leave. why would you leave? oh no...

a glowing image of the traveller materializes in his mind, only then to be shattered by the image of you in tears. the weight of a thousand dams of emotions breaking onto him, xiao teleports to qingyun peak. from the highest point in liyue, he's sure he'll find you.

how did you leave without him knowing? there's no way he couldn't have known. why didn't he stop you from leaving?!

"xiao, i love you,"

your last words crashed into him like a truck. was that why? because you thought he didn't love you anymore? i have to find you, he gritted his teeth, no matter what.

as he searches throughout the nation, time grows stagnant. the rise and fall of the sun and the cycles of the moon becomes insignificant to him. monsters ravage the guili plains as a result of his neglect. even rex lapis has come to address xiaos remiss of his duties.

a whole moon has passed since you disappeared. the yaksha searched the whole nation, deep into the lush rainforests of sumeru, across the dandelion plains of mondstadt, and even in it's large gated walls, venturing deep into the chasm but to no avail. it's as if you've been completely wiped off the face of the earth.

if the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over yet expecting different results, then xiao has become insane, each day waking up where the only thought in his mind is you. you are the reason he walks and breathes, bringing you back home his new purpose.

he stands atop the balcony of wangshu inn, replaying your final conversation for the hundredth time, a knot tightening in his chest every time his thoughts drift to you. tightening his grip against the wooden rail, his whole body tenses up when he feels a finger poke into his shoulder.

for a second, he is sure it is you. you, who have finally come back to him. after all this time, he can finally rest and lay in your warm embrace like he used to. thousands of 'im sorry's would leak endlessly from his lips as he would hold you closer than ever. he would make things right. he would make sure you would never feel this way again. he doesn't hide his large smile as he turns to see you-

only it isn't you. it is the traveller, whom he left you for. while the smile on his face fades, the smile on theirs grows.

as they extend their arms, ready to embrace their new lover in an embrace, he flinches violently. the traveller blinks in response. at their side, paimon wears a confused expression on her face.

"xiao? is everything alright?" they ask, concern lacing their voice. the yaksha narrows his eyes, his voice lowering into a growl.

"no, it's not alright. i never shouldve-" his head darts to the direction of inazuma. his eyes widen, realization washing over him. "this was a mistake, this was a huge mistake," he pants, shaking his head and stepping back. "xiao? xiao!" they call, but he is already gone.

as he flies over the ocean towards the archipelago, he wonders whether it's worth seeing you again. after all, you've gone to such efforts to never see him again. of course he understands, he hurt you beyond repair, but he can't deny the void you left in his heart when you left.

the adeptus finds himself atop tenshukaku, straining to hear your lost voice amidst the loud bustle of the city. voices of merchants and the rattling of carts and loud footfalls of stone drowned out any indication of your voice.

he waits there until nightfall, until it is quiet enough to hear. the moon reaches its peak in the sky before he finally hears your giggling voice.

xiaos heart swells. like a flower in the spring, it blossoms, full of love and excitement, but still beating with nervousness and fear. he's rehearsed what he's wanted to say over and over in his head. he's got one chance to make it right, so close to having you. he won't fail now.

he teleports closer to you, but still out of your sight. the yaksha takes a deep breath before stepping out of the shadows to meet you. this day has played out thousands of times in his head, and now that he's here, it feels like a dream come true.

"kazu! oh my god, you shouldn't have!" he hears you exclaim. still half shadowed in darkness, he freezes in his tracks. kazu? who in the world was 'kazu'?

his now-hard glare sweeps over your figure, you're still as beautiful as he remembers, practically glowing even though the sun was gone. however his gaze is wrenched away by a boy who stands close next to you. too close. who is he?

slipping back into the shadows, he follows you silently. all the way, you were smiling and giggling, the boy returning your affection only with a little smile. just like he used to, xiao thinks.

the knot in his heart returns. it's tight and suffocating, cutting off his short inhales and exhales. he wants to interject, wants to be that boys place. wants to beg you on hands and knees to come back to him. there is nothing in the world he wants more.

it takes all of his self-restraint to stay where he is. even though his body itches to move, his eyes stay glued to the pair of you. how your hand slides down his arm to link fingers with him. how you lay your head on his shoulder and walk in sync. how your eyes sparkle like stars when you gaze up at him.

that's it, he thinks. ive seen enough. the knot in his chest is now unbearable, the air filling his lungs burning like molten lava, it feels like a hand is wrapped around his neck and won't let go.

stealing one last glance at you, he manages a small sad smile onto his face. at least you're happy ...

then xiao leaves, for the last time.

reblogs appreciated! .. greennlin 2023

[hekateinhell]

Tell me abt preggers armand please. I have a fic im working on and need 2 hear other peoples opinions on this topic 😈

🥹🥹🥹

okay so first of all i'm so upset i didn't see this ask until i checked my askbox on my phone which i almost NEVER do anymore since i'm getting old and prefer to just answer things via laptop where i can keyboard smash at full capacity raw and unfiltered but like MY DMS ARE OPEN I'M NOT ALWAYS THE FASTEST RESPONDER BECAUSE I'M IN GRAD SCHOOL AND LIFE AND WHATEVER BUT I DON'T TRUST TUMBLR ANYMORE BECAUSE I DIDN'T SEE THIS UNTIL YESTERDAY ON DESKTOP TUMBLR PLS DON'T DEPRIVE ME OF MY PEOPLE

now that that's out of the way:

it depends! you have to be more specific, like are we talking vampires? human AU? BECAUSE I'VE GOT SOMETHING FOR EACH

canon verse/vampire:

don't ask me to explain the science or whatever lol i don't care, i just skip to the pregnancy part!

i think armand would be SO FUCKING FERAL and defensive, like he's lost so much and been so traumatized in so many ways, the idea of anything happening to his baby would have him in full gremlin mode. imagine a feral cat hissing and spitting and clawing and biting (not for food but for violence)!

on the other hand, he'd be obsessively bonded to his baby daddy (daddies, if there's multiple babies). he is not letting them out of his sight (i default to lestat here LMAO listen i want them to knock each other up so bad--separate universes obviously)

HE WOULD NEST SO FUCKING HARD!!! i was going to say i apologize for my brain but then i realized that i don't actually but i want him to nest on a pile of lestat's clothes and give birth right there like a fucking cat 🥹

ALTERNATIVELY THOUGH: i also had this idea that's like louis impregnates lestat and armand at the same time and they get to go through their pregnancies together and it's every bit as horny, hellish, and sweet as you'd imagine 🫶🏻 i've said it before and i'll say it again--lestat would be the WORST pregnant person ever dead or alive!!

now for human AUs:

i guess my thoughts here primarily but not exclusively exist within the same universe as I Feel You (sorry idk if you read that fic but tl;dr- IT'S PWP OF TRANS!ARMAND 2/3RDS OF THE WAY INTO GETTING A TRAIN RUN ON HIM BY HIS BOYFRIENDS LESTAT, LOUIS, AND DANIEL AND HE'S YOUNG DUMB AND FULL OF CUM SO YOU KNOW IT'S JUST A MATTER OF TIME BEFORE HE'S GOTTA PEE ON A STICK RIP BOYS)

i think each of his boyfriends would handle the whole thing differently! lestat would be so over the moon because he's careless (clearly) but also so damaged from his own childhood he would just see it as a chance for a do-over, reality and responsibility be damned. lestat's on sex and backrub duty, and he's good at it (the backrubs i mean, sex is a 50/50 but you know what, at least he's enthusiastic and good at manhandling armand so that's 70% of it right now and the 30% is absolutely ridiculous horny pregnancy hormones)

louis panics internally as he immediately starts creating a spreadsheet of their finances. outwardly though, he's very calm and supportive and he's the one who's most able to comfort armand the most and settle him down during his crazy mood swings. armand basically lives in louis's baggy sweaters during the last trimester

daniel panics outwardly (listen LOL the whole premise of Our House is that human!daniel molloy is not ready for children and i find it hard to budge from that mindset, but he could ease into the Cool Uncle role quite nicely). he handles distractions and food cravings, and he might not be down to be a dad yet but he does buy very thoughtful and sentimental baby gifts every now and then that make armand tear up

i was gonna add mermaid AU thoughts but then i remembered armand's laying eggs instead (he's feral during that whole process too so i guess it's similar to the vampire version. i just love him so much okay!!!)

OH ONE LAST VERY IMPORTANT THING

pregnant!armand fics on ao3 I'M CRAZY ABOUT AND HAVE REREAD AT LEAST 10 TIMES:

shelter by @rainbowcarousels

it must be the clouds in my eyes and everything in that series by @its-ness-ness

[benetnvsch]

Hi I'm making a kunikidazai playlist, do you have any kunikidazai song recommendations?

Ps i love your kunikida and dazai dogies!

aaaah wait this is so fun ?? Huge to Me that ur coming to me for knkdz song recs ahh im flattered *stares at u with my big ol eyes*

unfortunately, I have like... No Taste in Songs and all the songs I like which I think 'fit them' are for very specific reasons that Probably Only exist to me but shhh- it'll try my best to share them in a way that makes sense and u can give them a listen if u want or just ignore them ahah :'')

Anyway - here's some songs that have made me think of kunikidazai when listening to but they get more and more obscure/inaccurate (might just be me taking an opportunity to talk about songs I like... whoops)!!

Adding a break cuz it's long ahah

1. Worst Case Scenario- The Hoosiers

This song to me is such a one to the other song, can be either knkd or dz addressing it to the other - both kind of criticizing each other's lives and how they behave but genuinely wishing the other to be better

2. Icarus - Bastille

Similar to the last one, feels like it could easily be a one to the other song but where they're more just aggressively concerned for each other's lives (Dazai w/Kunikida and his ideals and Kunikida with Dazai and his suicidal tendencies and both of them with their self-sacrificing tendencies (knkd and the helicopter and dz in the elevator))

3. Remains- Bastille/Rag n'Bone Man, Skunk Anansie

Another Bastille song,, this one is closer to an actual love song KDJFHKFJh but uhh,, it's a nice lil tune about always loving each other, even after death- even if not getting along always and that kind of just makes me think of knkdz (55 minutes knkdz specifically bc they do die (for a bit) together there)

(Also poet by Bastille is the Kunikida song ever if ur interested in just knkd)

4. Stranger- Covey

had to sneak a covey song in somewhere ahah- feel like this one would be more of a Dazai POV one just Not Feeling good enough for Kunikida's partnership (work, platonic, romantic or otherwise) esp when his past was still kept secret from him

5. New Face- James

This one's strange but here me out... It's Dazai's entrance Exam Kunikida POV coded to me- Been wanting to make an edit with this to the entrance exam stage play for forever

extra lyric,, that is vaguely also kunisaki to me ehehe

6. Cornflower Blue - Flower Face

This whole Song is SO Knkdz to me,, romance but in some strange morbid-is way with foreboding dark undertones and the constant threat of losing the other ahah

7. Garamond - Arm's Length

Garamond feels like another realistic KNKDZ song where it's... Not The Best Relationship but they're trying and are both dedicated to each other but it's still somewhat destructive/self sacrificing so idk??

8. Chateau Lobby #4 (in C for Two Virgins) - Father John Misty

This might be one of my favorite romantic songs of all time and so I just had to find a way to connect it to KNKDZ ahah- but? I like to view it as maybe?? them both trying to find a Normal relationship in another and just experiencing actual like,, healthy romance,, but this I feel?? would kinda be not accurate to canon and represent perhaps more of an idealized version of knkdz </3

but yeah, these two lyrics specifically remind me of them,, the first one would be from kunikida's pov as has always made me think of his plan of waiting till a certain age to date/get married/etc. and the idea that falling in love with Dazai would change how he views that and the second would be from Dazai's pov when they actually get together

Anyway - you probably didn't ask for such a long response and I'm sorry for rambling I just really like music ahah kdhj-

[thekidsarentalright]

Hii! I have some hot and cold takes to sharee. Hope you are still doing that, I don't want to be annoying

1. FOB making literally no shows in LatAm let a bad taste on my mouth. They come only for festivals, and I bet that they have enough public here to play a solo show, at least at the capitals/biggest cities. Probably it lies more on fault of their label, but anyway.

2. Use what Joe said in his book to hate on Mania is disingenuous, since he said similar things about other albums too (IOH comes to mind)

3. TTTYG is not very unique? Like, putting it above most of FOB albums is weird to me, since it's mostly a very standard pop punk album (don't get me wrong, I love this baby made of teenboy rage, but anyway)

4. EOWYG is genuinely bad. Theres literally one of two good songs.

5. Suggesting that a band should break up because you did not like their most recent material is weird, I am sorry. Like, if you don't like it, DONT LISTEN??? And for me, is even worse when it's about FOB, since they are very vocal about how much they like to work, tour and just generally hang out together.

6. The Hush Sound was the best band Pete signed, bless Ryro for sending that link for Pete.

7. Speaking about Ryro, he and Pete have the most intersting relationship from all the relationships between Pete and other band dudes, at least for me

Thats it, thank you for reading <3 I hope its not the worst opinions ever.

def still doing it and not annoying at all, thank you for sharing!!!!

i absolutely agree with this like. while i’m sure it isn’t Their faults personally that they aren’t touring in latam, i’m sure there’s a lot that goes into it that i dont even know about that really doesn’t change that it Is shitty that they aren’t touring anywhere there like. idk if artists like paramore and taylor swift etc can do it i’m sure they could too :/ and i can only hope that Sometime Soon they do

yeah definitely!! his feelings on their albums are honestly probably a lot more complex and nuanced than we could imagine and just using him voicing his thoughts on a project as a way to justify not liking something yourself is kinda shitty!

i have alwayssss felt this way about tttyg (and tbh about eowyg too which will go into my response to the next one fjdnfk), like it shows Promise and isn’t Bad but it also isn’t unique like other fob albums are necessarily. it was a good start but like. they just got better w every album imo

i definitely dont think eowyg as it exists is good either yeahfjrjfndk like i said before. and i think in an ask yday. it has a lot of promise and could easily be good w some tweaks but. isn’t really my thing fjrkfndk

literally if you dont like something and only have mean uninteresting things to say about it dont listen and dont talk about it LMAOOO dont go from i dont like this to well clearly the band should break up like. fob love touring and working together and clearly really love what they’re creating let them be…

tbh have never listened to the hush sound so i will take ur word for this one!!! ryan has good taste tho so im sure theyre good <3

tho i will be a peterick forever and ever i gotta agree pete and ryan are very interesting fr like… there was Some gay stuff going on there man…

[exeggcute]

dont feel obligated to post this but you asked on that one post why people accuse staff of being terfs and i dont wanna clog anyone's notifications so im sending an ask kjhgfdsgsgd sorry again feel free to ignore.

there was a situation where some popular blog made an accusatory post about a known member of staff openly having a case of Hogwarts House In Bio on their personal blog and it got hard deleted from the site for "encouraging violence towards staff." nobody could reblog it, the blog responsible for the post was terminated for violating tos, all physical evidence of the post existing (besides screenshots) isn't there anymore, etc. the post was kind of "mean" but in a way that was pretty typical for tumblr so staff's actions are widely considered an overreaction and/or indicator of sympathy for the transphobic population of the site.

okay I do remember when some marketing staffer was "ousted" as a hardcore harry potter fan (which like, to be fair, is reasonably tactless behavior at best and a sign of blatant transphobia at worst... although if there's one thing corporate marketing normies love it's harry potter so my money is on the former here) but this is preeeeetty flimsy evidence imo. like we all know how people on this website are. three days ago people were on the verge of doxxing me because I spent eight whole dollars wrong lol.

I have not read the entire tumblr terms of service because I read enough stupid technical jargon as it is but I am guessing there's some kind of specific clause in there that you can't be a dick to their employees, and even if there isn't I can 100% imagine why they'd delete a post that was directing negative (and/or potentially baseless) ire at an employee. I am also not an HR professional (thank god) but there's probably also something at play where you have to provide employees a safe working environment and that also includes an environment where twenty-somethings in your inbox aren't telling you to kill yourself or whatever.

like, I could totally be wrong! I know this is mostly speculation on my part, but it sounds like the evidence in favor of "tumblr is run by terfs" is also mostly speculation and we're sorta just getting into occam's razor territory here. if the evidence of a vast transphobic conspiracy is that tumblr shut down people who were being mean to an employee about liking what is (regrettably) one of the biggest media franchises in the world but not otherwise being overtly transphobic, my money is on boring corporate bullshit ever time. I can't imagine it even occurred to the people making these decisions that it was gonna come across badly; like, truthfully, I just don't think your average software company employee is tapped into the broader pop culture "guess which famous children's novelist was posting transphobic rants on twitter again" apparatus, let alone the microclimate of this website. the HR team at my work is mostly Extremely Extremely Offline (and very nice) middle-aged women and one slightly thotty gay dude from new jersey.

[sunhowler]

hey man. also facing thousands of dollars worth of dental work due to poor care here. i literally lost one of my incisors. if you think posts reassuring people its ok they have trouble taking care of their teeth are "anti recovery" youre straight up stupid like i dont know what to tell you. nothing in the world helped me get better at taking care of my teeth than learning i wasnt alone. i thought for a long time that nobody in the fucking world was as bad at dental hygiene as i was because nobody talked about it!!!! nobody felt like saying anything other than "brush your teeth"!!! in my early teens i completely broke my tooth brushing habits because i fell into the worst depression id ever been in and i thought i wouldnt live long enough for my teeth to matter. i spent so long not taking care of my teeth At All. i went months without brushing them at a time. and never in my life until like a year ago had anyone ever told me that i wasnt alone. i lived in so much shame thinking i was repulsive (id have people ask me to my face what was wrong with my teeth before) and beyond repair so why even Try. but learning that there were other people who struggled just as badly as me motivated me to get better like nothing else. i didnt know i didnt have to be ashamed. i didnt know that my existence wasnt unilaterally disgusting to every other human being on the planet. i didnt know i was allowed to talk about it, much less that i was allowed to talk about it without adding a billion qualifiers about how you should brush your teeth actually.

i just. like. the problem isnt that we dont know we're supposed to brush our teeth. the problem isn't that we think it doesn't matter (like trust me op i think everyone else whos dealing with dental hygiene difficulties is also facing the consequences). the problem is that dental hygiene is so cloaked in shame and guilt and it feels impossible to talk about without judgement. this honestly reads like calling posts about self harm "anti recovery" because they didnt attach a psa about how its bad to cut yourself actually and you shouldnt do it. We Know That. and if all we get in response to our suffering is "here are the things you should do to not suffer" with no reassurance or emotional outreach then very fucking little is going to change. nobody with difficulty brushing their teeth is going to be helped by a tumblr post saying "brush your teeth". they already hear that from everyone else constantly and its obviously not fucking working. if posts offering emotional support and solidarity didnt help you then im sorry and that sucks but it doesnt mean those posts are anti recovery as a whole and its fucking insulting that you believe that to be honest

[advice-go-for-it]

ok so. here's the thing. i've been in love for this person for months now right. recently, we've started talking getting to know each other, yada yada. i started to feel an emotional attachment to them that i hadn't felt with anyone else before. they made me happy. happier than ive been in a long time.

now, i had always known they were genderfluid. that was a given from the start. but my hetero-ass mind had always... assumed a more fem-leading position.

today, i was finally able to ask exactly how they generally present. their response? in times than not, they do have a more masc presentation. i had anticipated something like this, but now... i've getting way too many conflicting emotions here.

like mentioned before, i consider myself a heterosexual. but i had planned to make an "exception" for them, simply just because of how much i liked them, how much i connected with them as a person. but at this moment? it varies from heartbreak to damn near disinterest.

its like i don't want a relationship with them anymore. which is scary, because nothing has changed, besides my image of them. i mean, what the hell is wrong with me? i knew they were genderfluid, i knew this was a possibility, so how can i go from head-over-heels-ready-to-confess-TOMORROW in love with them to utter disinterest just because they happen to present as masc more frequently?

i mean, they have a feminine voice! and im 90% sure they're AFAB. so what's the problem? what's my fucking problem? and you know the worst part of it all? this friendship that i've developed with them might've damn well pulled me out of depression. (not completely, but to a manageable level.) but now that i'm "okay" with just being friends, the suicidal thoughts are back all over again. was i only living for the possibility of a relationship with someone i didn't even know what gender they present as?

to be absolutely clear, the problem is NOT that they're more of a guy. the problem is now that i know that, despite all rational thought, my brain refuses to acknowledge those past feelings. now i feel more lonely than ever. am i selfish? was i just doomed from the start?

sorry for the long ass post. a lot's on my mind right now.

TW MEMTIONED SU*C*DAL THOUGHTS

There’s nothing wrong with you. It sounds more like your brain let you get away with the “exception” because you let yourself see them as more feminine. Now that that’s changed, you just aren’t interested.

You don’t have an attraction to the more male presenting population. Your brain recognized that and changed your feelings. It happens sometimes.

I know it can be very difficult and possibly scary to have happen, and I’m sorry. The best thing to do is treat it the same way you would if you fell out of love with any other person. Your brain decided that you aren’t attracted to them anymore, and that’s okay.

It sounds like you were putting most of your hope into this, and that’s why it’s so emotionally devastating. You need to find a way to live for yourself, and not just for them.

Therapy and studying things that help with depression can help a lot. So can establishing a routine. Remember, there are people who love you. There are people who would be devastated if you were gone.

You aren’t selfish I promise. Sometimes people can only feel attraction in specific ways, and that’s you.

I myself have struggled a lot with this kind of thing. I existed for someone and for the chance that they’d want me. It ended badly and that wrecked me. I had to learn to live for myself, and to love myself.

Try pouring out these feelings somewhere, or with someone you trust. Try and find something else to live for, if you can’t live for yourself yet.

It’s also possible that your feelings could return once your brain gets used to the change in perspective. You could gain feelings for someone else in the future as well.

I promise that you’ll get through this. If you have any more questions I’d be happy to help, and you can also try DMing me if you’d like more specific answers.

I hope this helps, at least a bit. You are not alone.

💚

[crazylil-lion]

I see a majority of the posts about bpd aren't for the people who have bpd. They are an extremely toxic post of someone mad at an ex.

They demonize us while pushing all the blame on the disorder.

I start crying asking why they are going to leave me.

They start getting mad and screaming at me. Why do you always do this. Why do you always try to fight.

Then I blow up because all I was asking is if they were going to leave me. To be invalidated.

To have my emotions ignored.

Im fucking sorry I split.

I'm fucking sorry my emotions are a fucking Rollercoaster and idk what I'll feel next. I just know how you treat me makes the entire difference. Regardless if I want it or not.

You think I want to be so impulsive in an episode I say the worst possible thing to cut deep because they hurt me. Fuck sometimes I don't even realize it bc after you invalidate my feelings enough I start to get defensive and say some awful hurtful things back.

Bc if you invalidate me, it's pouring gas on the fire.

Or get so impulsive I self harm, or spend a crazy amount. Or do somethinh stupid dangerous.

Or leave people before they leave us.

Or start to pull away and get distant almost as a test to see if you realize and try to pull us in.

I promise we don't want to feel these things.

We don't want our mood to depend on the tone of voice you use. If you are making eye contact. If you sighed too long. If you seemed bored.

I don't want that to decide if I'm worthy of your love.

BUT THIS IS HOW MY MIND WORKS.

Those emotions aren't me trying to manipulate you or gaslight you.

My emotions are my emotions

If I tell you hey this thing upset me. You may not understand why it upset me.

BUT THAT DOESN'T MAKE MY FEELING NOT EXIST. that doesn't mean its fake.

I don't want to feel abandoned by the slightest thing. But I do. Because I feel emotions so strong. Its all I feel. So I'm sorry that to you it doesn't make sense why I'm so upset by being left on read because you forgot to respond.

To me its what I feel even if I logically know. Hey this person is busy. I still need the reassurance.

I'm sorry my symptoms aren't just magical all better.

You will have to be around my episodes. You will have to try to understand and HEAR me.

I'm sorry some of the symptoms from bpd may be hard to deal with.

But 2 things.

First. That doesn't give the shitty people an excuse to manipulate people with bpd because its very easy to do so.

It doesn't mean you can blame all of the issues on your partner because they have bpd.

If someone shares a trigger with you and you then use that trigger as a weapon. You are the shit person. Its not all my fault if you continue to twist the knife after I begged you to take it out. Its not my fault when I blow up after you continue to press on the wound I told you to avoid.

I think people don't try to understand our perspective because they don't know what its like to have an emotional response to something you logically know you shouldn't.

When they don't know how strong the emotion is. And how it feels like it takes over and its all you know. All youve ever felt. All that is.

Its exhausting, and if we could, I promise we would "just get over it" like you wish we would.

[berryunho]

just wanted to say thank you for existing :) you genuinely seem like such a kind person 🌝 i was wondering if you ever had any anxieties about putting out your stories at first?? writing is an escape for me and id love to share it with other people but i’m so scared susisk if someone said something mean i’d cry and delete my whole account lmao (sorry for the long ask) 🖤

UM?? thank you this is so sweet i 😭😭 thank you sm for saying that <33 but !! yes !! i was so so so so scared of posting the answer at first and tbh ... i still get anxious every time i update but the response has always been so overwhelmingly positive that any possible negativity is completely overshadowed by the kindness i'm shown :] what really gave me the motivation to start publishing was sharing the story w my best friend ... she read what i had already written and was so supportive of it all and really encouraged me to post it and once she was on board i was like 'well okay ig i can do it :]' so !! if you have someone that could do that for you then yay !! if not then i'll encourage you right now !! honestly the worst thing that can happen is ... like you said ... some stranger on the internet being mean to you. which is really a them problem and not a you problem. and the best thing that can happen is you get to share your art w the world and people like it !! which is way more common !! i've never spoken said this here bc im so scared of jinxing it but ... i've literally NEVER gotten a negative comment. ive been posting the answer on ao3 for like 1.75 years and ive been posting here for 4ish months and ... nothing ... so i really don't think there's much risk of negativity until you're a bigger/more established/more popular writer and by then you might have an easier time ignoring those people ... idk LOL but hopefully that's kind of reassuring at least :] no worries for the long ask hehe i'm very happy answering any questions/chatting :]] thank you again for being so nice <33

[mistystarshine]

i think the after china au would be more interesting. it seems like there'd have to be so much changing around with the characters and their core traits in order for the role-swap to work, and im a fan of the idea of soul-sick angel not just abandoning his weird vampire family

I'm sorry that this is so late! I had to wait for muse to strike. (Muse struck after I finished a tour if Stonehenge for study abroad and was waiting for my classmates to finish.) At long last, here are my rough thoughts for how this au would go! 

It starts during the Boxer Rebellion. Well, no. It started the second Angelus got his soul back, but it changes during the Boxer Rebellion. In the direct cause-and-effect sense, everything happens because the baby incident doesn't, thus allowing Angelus to linger with the others for a little while longer. On an emotional level, it all happens because, in the midst of his guilt and despair and desperate attempts to repress them, Angelus feels a sense of responsibility. Where he once looked at Drusilla and felt pride, there is now a stabbing guilt that gets harder to ignore with each passing day. Then there is Spike. Spike, now a proven slayer killer who Angelus had beaten the goodness out of in an attempt to turn into something like himself. 

As time drags on and he dodges killing and Darla grows more suspicious, aggressive, desperate for him to return to his former self, he knows that he cannot stay. It is that sense of responsibility that stops him from having one last fight with Darla and mournfully disappearing into the night. What will happen to Spike and Drusilla if he leaves? With that slayer's death, they have gone from two of the worst things he's ever done to a genuine threat to the world. They are doomed to get worse if he leaves them to continue down the path he set them on. But because they are two of his greatest victims (and there are and will be times when he struggles to acknowledge Spike as a victim, but in this moment, it is clear), he can't bring himself to kill them. So where does that leave him? 

When Angelus decides to ask Spike and Drusilla to come with him, he isn't very hopeful. Maybe they respected and feared him before, but they must have sensed the change in him, even as he drowned in denial and struggled to repress it. They won't abandon Darla for him. 

Except… They do. He doesn't understand it, but they do. 

(There really isn't much to understand. Drusilla adores him. She's scared by the soul and the prospect of him becoming something other than the monster that made her, the monster she knows, but she's even more scared of him leaving her completely. And Spike? Spike always looked to Angelus before Darla. She's family, yeah, but after Drusilla, his true loyalty has always been to him. He's starting to see through the cracks in his facade and is irritated that Angelus would break like that, but he isn't going to abandon him when he very clearly needs him.)

In other circumstances, Angelus would have separated from the Fanged Four and broken down completely. He would have retreated to the sewers and lived a miserable existence until the powers that be sent a messenger to him with a mission. That isn't an option here. He can't keep pretending that everything's fine and he's the same anymore, but has to at least try to hold himself together for Spike and Drusilla. Especially if he wants them to try to undo even an iota of the damage that he's done. So he does. He tries. 

Trying isn't always enough. The fact of the matter is that Angelus is still fairly freshly ensouled and not in a good state. Even if cutting Spike and Drusilla off from killing cold turkey weren't a hopeless battle, he doesn't have the energy right now. So he starts small, he tells them that he isn't willing to kill anymore and refuses the victims that Spike tries to drag to him. This results in arguments with Spike and miserable wailing from Drusilla, but eventually, they accept it. 

(When Angelus starts dropping hints that they shouldn't be killing either, Spike ignores them. He hears them though. Hears them and doesn't have any fucking clue how to process it outside of anger and insult, both of which he pushes down because Angelus clearly isn't right right now. But come on, really? Spike is a killer, and Angelus is the one who molded him into one. What right does he have to ask him to go back to being the miserable little poet he once was? How dare he even consider asking that of Dru, who may not be capable of such a change even if she tried with every fiber of her beautiful being, so mistakenly desperate to please him? Spike really might rip his head off if he weren't such a miserable sod.)

Angelus is a heavy name, a dark name, a name stained with blood. He told himself that it still fit him when he was still with Darla. It doesn't. It hurts a little more every time he hears it. Eventually, he tells Spike and Drusilla to call him Angel. Both of them resist at first, Drusilla heartbroken, Spike with anger and mockery. Both of them give in eventually. 

(This is when Spike, tired and resigned beneath his fire, realizes that this isn't temporary. Angelus - Angel - is different now, and he isn't ever going back. Drusilla already knew. She still sobs into his chest all day when Angel changes his name.)

(Angel is still barely more than a shell of his former self, holding onto his sanity by threads. Part of Spike, the part that resents the madness that he drove Drusilla into and everything that he did to him, finds it vindicating. The rest of him just wants it to stop. Angel isn't Drusilla, of course - he won't move mountains and swim across oceans for him like he would her. But he does acknowledge that Angel gets worse every time he finds out about him or Dru killing someone. Now, Spike isn't about to reform for the bastard, but he does improvise a bit. He gets more selective about who he kills, going for the people that society would be better off without, and coaxes Dru to do the same. He makes sure that Angel knows about it, but doesn't say that it's for him, because it isn't. It isn't. Spike's life is easier when his grandsire isn't totally consumed by self-pity or loathing or whatever else fuels his brooding. This is totally self-serving.)

The change in Spike and Drusilla's hunting habits isn't what leads Angel to the realization, nor is it one of any number of small gestures over the next few years. It just hits him out of the blue one day, when he's feeling… Not like his old self (never like his old self), but more clarity than usual. Spike is trying to look out for him. He's not treating him like Drusilla, no, but he has been slipping into the role of caretaker for him as well. And Angel's been letting it happen. His pride has taken more than a few beatings by this point, but this is when he realizes that he needs to pull himself together and start trying harder. Soul or no soul, he'll be damned if he's going to rescind his leadership and leave Spike in charge. 

It goes… dubiously. Despite his initial indignation and outrage, Angel recognizes that Spike and Drusilla have been making some degree of progress, so he doesn't push too hard. Spike doesn't like that. He quite likes the changed dynamics they'd been falling into. (Kind of. He'd be happy if Angel wasn't stewing constantly, but now that he's had a taste of what it's like not to have Angelus breathing down his neck, he doesn't want to go back. And he doesn't completely trust that Angel won't go back.) The conflict comes to a head when Angel insists that Spike and Drusilla stop hunting humans completely. While Spike eventually relents, he also makes it clear that he won't be giving another inch. And that… is that. It's all Angel can manage, truly. He may have been able to push himself to improve somewhat, but he still has notable bad days. Spike doesn't.

(Spike knows that. More importantly, he knows that Angelus never would have outright told him to stop killing humans unless it was some sort of sadistic power play. This certainly wasn't. It's part of the reason he agrees, the reassurance that even if Angel is being a pest again, he isn't going back. Which is kind of alarming. He remembers how upset he was when he realized that Angel would never be Angelus again and doesn't know when he stopped wishing they could go back, but he stopped. It almost makes him think deeper about why he was willing to stop killing. Then he decides not to think very deeply about it at all.)

(Getting Drusilla to stop killing is easier than anticipated. She knew that it was coming. The boys forget how much she knows. It might have hurt if it was harsh or sharp or sudden, but it wasn't. It was soft and gentle and subtle, from all people to bad people to no people at all. Or close to it. She slips up sometimes, when the song is too strong and the heartbeats call and she forgets that what will be has come to cross, but it isn't often. Spike helps her make sure that Angel doesn't know, that it doesn't break him into bits, and gradually, she gets better at remembering.) 

It isn't easy; it was never going to be easy. But they manage. Eventually, Angel and Spike slip into something along the lines of a partnership. It's new and unusual for both of them, but possibly the only way to make this work. Spike learns not to make a fuss about it when Angel's composure slips and he has to take charge for a few days. Angel learns to accept that it happens at all. 

Time passes. Every day is bad in some way, but gradually, painfully, Angel's worst days grow to be less. And Spike… Spike grows more restless. 

They hear word of a slayer in New York. Spike becomes interested, the same look of obsession that appeared when he first learned about them. Drusilla declares that their fates are bound. And Angel is terrified that everything is about to be for nothing.

Angel suggests that Spike could try helping the slayer. He's clearly been itching for a fight - surely trying to help the chosen one would be as much of a challenge as killing her. He sounds casual when he suggests it. Truthfully, he's desperate, terrified, and not thinking straight at all. There are a million reasons why Spike approaching the slayer as an ally are a horrible idea, but they don't occur to him until Spike has already started considering it. So he backtracks. He offers alternatives while Drusilla laughs. It doesn't matter - Spike knows what he wants to do now, and he's going to do it even if it gets him killed. 

(Spike doesn't know what he wants to do. He's gone years without killing, but he's still considering challenging the slayer to a death match when he sets off for New York. Then he meets Nikki Wood and finds someone who he wouldn't mind fighting alongside. He also sees that Angel is right. A slayer has danger coming at her from every angle, which means it'll be the fight of his life. It takes a while to convince her, but eventually, he finds himself with a fighting partner. He still visits Angel and Dru regularly and tries not to think too heavily about the implications of him leaving them alone for long periods of time. That he trusts Angel to at least try to look after her properly. That he trusts him not to steal her.)

Angel is worried about Spike, he can't even pretend that he's not. But he also can't bring himself to face the slayer. Her watcher might very well identify him, and… it's not the fight he fears. He hasn't seriously considered suicide in a while now, but if the slayer killed him, he know he'd deserve it. It's the explanation. It's the notion of finding himself face to face with this force for good and contend with his own existence. Perhaps it's cowardly, but when faced with this prospect, he ends up keeping his distance. Instead, he spends the time when Spike is away focused on Drusilla. He tries to improve her mental health. He fails; of course he fails. It's why he turned her when he did. Vampires are static creatures in a way that humans are not. When he turned her while caught in the throes of madness, he trapped her there for the rest of her undead life. Where a human might be able to heal, she is simply stuck. He tries anyway, beating herself against the unyielding wall. 

(Angel does better than he thinks he does. Drusilla's head still spins with fairies and pixies and fear and confusion and always - probably - maybe? - will, but it helps that he's there at all. He doesn't see what Drusilla sees. Doesn't know that this is the beginning of the end for her and William, doesn't know that he's started down a road that leads to summer and light. She doesn't want to lose him. It hurts. It would hurt more without Angel there. So even as he tortures himself trying to fix what he did such a perfect job of breaking, Drusilla tries to be good. Doesn't fuss, doesn't make a mess, doesn't tell him that he couldn't have completely destroyed her heart, because she can feel it break-break-breaking.)

One day, Spike returns with a black leather duster on his back and tells them that Nikki Wood is dead. Angel would ask if he killed her, but the despair wafting off him stops the words from leaving his mouth. For the first time, he allows himself to truly believe that one of the monsters he created might not truly be beyond repair. He wishes that it hadn't come at quite a cost. 

It's over a year before Spike tells him what happened. It happens out of the blue, on a night where Drusilla is quiet and Angel is drifting somewhere between almost alright and certainly not. He says that Nikki had been possessed by a demon with aspirations of ending the world. Try as they might, they weren't able to get it out of her. In the end, Spike ended up killing her himself. Spike looks Angel in the eyes, challenging, and asks if he's going to kill him now that he has a second slayer under his belt. Angel only apologizes. 

(What Spike doesn't stay is that he'd wanted to stay. He had gotten to know Nikki's son while he worked with her and grew to care for him deeply. With her gone, he'd wanted to help care for him. Her watcher turned him away, saying that for all he had been a valuable ally, Robin could not be trusted with a vampire.)

Spike declares that he never wants to get anywhere near a slayer again. Angel accepts it with relief. 

And then Sunnydale happens.

So! There are chunks that can be expanded upon and there's definitely more that comes after this, so if anyone's interested, let me know and I could be persuaded to continue. Here's where I note that there probably would be Bangel during the time frame of seasons 1-3, but would also probably end up being Spuffy and Cangel in the end. 

[mai-sau]

Prompt "give me attention" for kidnap family?

"haha, im gonna take it easy with prompts this time around, only a few hundred words -" cue spongebob title card "2.3k words later"

seriously tho thank you for the prompt!! (and sorry about the wait!) i had fun working on this one bc well i love any chance to write about this lil family of murderers and tiny bois :') hope u enjoy!!

Prompt: "Give me attention."

“Nelyo.”

“Nelyo.”

“Ne-”

Thump. Maedhros slammed his book shut. A puff of dust wheezed out from the crusty pages; Maglor could make out the swirl of particles flying about in the dim shafts of sunlight peeking into his brother’s study from windows that he was sure were clean at some point in their existence.

Said brother tossed a glare over to Maglor from the other side of his desk.

“You’re allowed to be here. Quietly.” Maedhros threw a pointed look towards the abandoned scroll in Maglor’s hands.

“But I’m so very lonely, Nelyo,” Maglor pouted, and dropped the scroll on the desk. The parchment rolled out towards Maedhros, whose face was fast approaching the same shade as his hair. “Besides, I’ve already taken care of all my correspondence for the day. Nothing much else to do, really, but seek out the company of my darling brother.”

“I’m older than you,” Maedhros grit out, rubbing his temple in terse little circles. Which one of them he was reminding Maglor couldn’t say.

“Only by a few years,” Maglor teased. He let the corners of his lip curl up - he was well aware this made him look like “a cat about to feast on the fattest saucer of milk it’s ever conned” according to his brother, and that was why he did it.

On top of that dusty old book, Maedhros’ fingers twitched. Got you.

“Come on, Nelyo,” he whined. “Give me attentiooon.”

Maedhros threw him a positively hateful look, but Maglor knew he wouldn’t throw him out just yet. By this point, Maglor liked to think he knew his brother well enough.

There were some things he didn’t, of course, and this was fine. When his brother would wake and traipse out to the courtyard in the dead of night, staring at the moon hungrily for hours and hours as if he would never glimpse its light amidst the pitch dark again; when one of the many elves around Amon Ereb would do something wrong - not when one of their craftsmen made the same excited little exclamation as Curvo used to, or hunters fletched their arrows just how Tyelko did, Maglor understood these, at least - but a request phrased too sweetly, an abrupt movement, a smile too wide, and Maedhros’ throat would tighten, his words clipped, before excusing himself to go lock himself in his room for an hour, or two, or three: these parts of his brother Maglor may never know.

But he knew much, or at least enough. A few months after they’d taken in the twins, Maglor had just finished mopping an explosion of jam on the dining floor and sweeping up the shards of what was once the hefty jar that contained it. He’d first gently let Elros know that if they wanted food, they need only ask; he’d then let him know that no, of course they wouldn’t cast him out for breaking the jam jar, with no small amount of tears or internal panic on either end of that conversation.

By the time Maglor slunk into Maedhros’ study that evening to go over reports from around the fortress, he was maybe a bit tired. When Maedhros told him to wait for just a few minutes while he wrapped something or other up, Maglor might’ve let slip a touch of petulance and no small amount of theatrics into his voice when he asked when his dear Nelyo could spare just a moment for his poor baby brother, simply wilting away from the neglect.

Maglor had frozen, fearful of what his second-most severe brother would have to say in response to - well, whining. He couldn’t even remember the last time he’d let himself do so. Oh, he’d been quite the brat in Valinor, and used to be quite proud of that fact, thank you. Each and every one of his brothers’ last nerves practically had his name on it. But it seemed ever since they arrived here, it was as if they simply couldn’t afford the waste of time. Ribbing was a favored pastime of his in Aman, but Beleriand offered no such frivolities.

But living with the twins, putting on playful words and coaxing laughter from two young faces that Maglor couldn’t bear to see two seconds from breaking anymore, had apparently loosened his discipline.

He’d thought Maedhros would treat him to one of his signature frowns, barking at him that neither of them had time to make things any harder for each other, but instead he’d… laughed. Just the slightest huff of air, yes, but a laugh nonetheless. Maglor hadn’t heard his brother laugh since…

Well, if anything, he was honoring his cousin’s memory.

So Maglor experimented over the years, let a few more teases and whines slip into his day-to-day interactions with Maedhros. His brother had since mustered a valiant effort to act annoyed, but Maglor could still catch a muffled chuckle or smothered grin here and there.

So. All in all, he’s sure he knows his brother pretty well at this point, and Maedhros was not troubled (bad), just bothered (good).

Which, of course, meant they could continue to play; Maglor would show no mercy.

“Please? Please, please? Just a smidgen of tender love and care from my dearly beloved big brother?” Maglor asked, eyes wide and pleading, hands clasped in front of him as he leaned over the desk. His hair, inky black, spilled all over his scroll.

Maedhros’ nose twitched. His right ear flicked. Oh yes. He was close to a chuckle now, he could tell. His dearly beloved big brother stood no fucking chance.

“Oh dear Eru, let my brother pay attention to - MANWË’S TITS!” Maglor shrieked, springing up from his seat after spotting a dark shadow peeking through the window.

His brother whirled around. Quick as a viper, his hand darted out to grasp the hilt of his sword. Despite this, Maglor could hear a choked noise he was more than halfway certain was the chuckle he had so desperately hunted. Oh well.

A chubby face stared right back at them, eyes round as saucers. Wait, make that two faces.

Both Maglor and Maedhros sagged with relief.

“Elros, can you please come in?” Maglor croaked, feeling five feet to the left of his physical body. “You too, Elrond.”

The two of them nodded bashfully, heads bobbing as they fumbled over to the glass. And they were… flapping. Each twin sported small brown wings on their back, looking much like the falcons Tyelko used to play with as a child. Maglor supposed, thinking of a great bird soaring away over the sea with light itself clutched tight in its talons, maybe they should have expected this one in particular.

Elros pushed once, twice at the windows, tiny arms straining against the pane and looking more panicked by the second. Behind him, Elrond simply pointed to the - oh, the window latch. Yes.

Maedhros stood up and flicked it open. Elros came tumbling through, nearly bashing his skull on the desk before Maedhros caught him midair.

Elrond flew in smoothly and landed on Maglor’s empty chair, wings neatly folding in. Maedhros dumped Elros on his own chair. His wing smacked Maedhros’ arm by mistake.

“We talked about this. No new shapeshifting without me or Maglor there,” Maedhros said, fixing each of them with a stern look.

Both the twins looked down at this. Elrond wrung his little wrists.

“We’re sorry!” Elros burst out, tears welling up in his eyes. “We won’t do it again, promise!”

“That’s what you said last time, sweetheart,” Maglor told him.

“And the time before that,” Maedhros grumbled.

“What we’re saying, dear, is that we understand that you’re sorry. But keeping your word has to take first priority,” Maglor explained softly.

Maedhros coughed.

“Or, er, not doing it again,” Maglor corrected. “That’s what counts.”

“We understand,” Elros sniffled. “It’s just, we wanted to hear, but you weren’t there to check with, because well, you were here, and, well, um, yes -”

“Bringing us to the next point of order,” Maedhros rumbled. He raised a brow at both of them. “Eavesdropping. We have also been over this.”

Oh dear. Elros looked like he was about to drown in a puddle of tears. Maglor rubbed a hand between his shoulder blades soothingly, careful of the new feathery appendages.

Thankfully, Elrond stepped in. “We remember, it’s not nice because we like to be in private sometimes and it’s not fair for us to not let other people be too,” he recited shyly. “Um, we just… we know you both meet up a lot like this, and we know it's important… but… um…” His lip trembled; his voice cracked. “Do you... talk about us? Do you not want us to hear because it’s bad? Because we can do better!” He promised quickly, eyes wide and wet. “Elros is getting really good at his music lessons, he’s practicing a lot! And I’m working on my writing lessons every day!”

Something in Maglor’s chest twisted. “Oh, honey, no -”

But his brother beat him to the punch. Striding out from behind the desk, he knelt down in front of Elrond. “Can I hug you?” he asked very quietly.

Elrond bit his lip and nodded. Without another word, Maedhros wrapped him up in his arms.

They stayed like that for a moment, Maedhros’ hulking frame wrapped around Elrond’s body, like a drape of russet locks, leather and rich furs. When his brother finally pulled away, he gave a heavy look to both children.

“We will never give you away because you’re not good enough. Alright? You will always be good enough. Both of you,” he told them. He reached out and covered Elrond’s tiny hand with his own, fingers curling around and intertwining. “And not because you’re caught up on your lessons, or do what we say.”

“Though those are certainly nice,” Maglor added. He flashed them a teasing grin before taking care to soften his expression once more, and laid a gentle hand on Elros’ shoulder. “You will always have our love. And nothing, not even the worst jam spill, or missed harp lesson - don’t think I didn’t notice that last week, dearest - can ever reach in and steal it. It is your’s by blood and birthright.”

“Love you,” Elros sniffled. Elrond echoed him, voice no less wobbly.

Maedhros gifted them with a small smile. “Love you both, starlights.”

“And -” Elros started, hiccuped, and continued. “And same for me too. Nothing can change that! I’ll always love you two.”

Maglor felt a pang of sickly guilt invade his chest and looked away. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Maedhros stiffen.

“Me too,” Elrond said, voice suddenly clear. Maglor glanced at him and met a gaze that seemed years ahead of its time; he froze, rooted to the spot. “We’ll always love you no matter what you do.”

“Well -” Maglor started. “That’s…”

“No need to worry about us,” Maedhros recovered quickly, waving his hand. “Now then, it’s nearing bedtime, hm?”

“But wait!” Elros cried. “What were you two talking about then?”

“Yes! We saw Atya going like this,” Elrond clasped his pudgy hands together and shook them. “And his voice sounded all funny, and then he prayed to Eru about Atar paying more attention to Manwe’s t-”

“ALRIGHT!” Maglor yelped, clapping his hands. His face must’ve been steaming, his cheeks were burning, oh stars - “Bedtime!”

“But we want to know why you were saying all those funny things,” Elros complained loudly. His voice slipped into a high pitched whine, dripping with petulance. “Nelyo, Nelyo, give me attentioooon -”

“I do not sound like that!” Maglor gasped, scooping up a giggling Elrond to be carried to bed.

“I do not sound like that!”

Maglor turned around, gaping. That was not Elros’ voice.

Maedhros stared back. His eyes glinted with mirth and the most shit-eating grin curled his lips. In his arms was a starstruck Elros, who looked no less shocked than if the clouds themselves had just burst into song and danced a lively jig. And quite frankly, Maglor would be less surprised.

Maedhros dealt him one last smirk before twirling on his heel and walking out of the room to go deposit one elfling in his bed. Maglor still had the other, who poked his cheek.

“Atya? Are you okay?”

Slowly, ever so slowly, Maglor felt a smile grow across his face. His eyes stung with tears. He quickly wiped them with his sleeve before they could fatten and spill over his cheeks and probably make Elrond worry even more.

“Wonderful, dear.” He frowned for a second, considering. “Although I think there is a dreadful amount of mockery in my future.”

He looked down at Elrond. His son merely tilted his round head, offering a blank look. Maglor sighed happily. “But that’s okay.”

XXX

In time, it became clear that there was no need to worry about the looming threat of brotherly teasing paid back in full; Maedhros may have been looser with his laughter, but even this was a rare occasion still. Maglor did not mind, for any time he saw his brother’s eyes alight with anything other than fatal passion was a gift.

The true threat that lurked within Amon Ereb made itself known eventually.

Two weeks later, Maglor was scurrying to meet up with one of the smiths to discuss pending repairs but stopped short in front of a small figure in the courtyard blocking his path.

“Not now, sweetheart, Atya’s very busy,” Maglor told Elrond, harried, ready to flag down someone on the way to attend to whatever his son needed.

And then it happened. Elrond’s face crumpled just so. His eyes widened: big, round, and wet. His lip wobbled. When he opened his mouth, his voice took on a tone so absolutely, horribly pitiful that Maglor half-suspected the echo of Lúthien herself lived in his words.

“Please, Atya,” he begged, every word a death sentence. “Give me attentiooon.”

Oh Eru, Maglor despaired, even as he opened his arms for an evil little elfling to leap into, repairs forgotten. I’ve made a monster.

[thisdreamplace]

ashamed to say the 3D reflects our true inner reality, yes? my ENTIRE family has turned against me, after some atrocious conflicts in which they all ganged up on me nd judged me, name-calling, very hurtful things too, provoked me. i been dealing with some serious mental uh 'issues' on my own nd when this happend i was already on the verge of a breakdown nd the good news is while the conflict happened i kept telling myself theyre only reflecting me u can get thru it etc. Later i looked at the hard facts nd realised some of the hurtful things they said were my deep secret feelings abt myself. BUT my question is why the HELL cant they talk to me like normal people? confronting one person vs whole family, why?! i felt so small nd like an object, nd not a single person defended me. am i not a part of the family?

Part 2 is simply its been a week and theyve still been cold towards me as if I yelled AT THEM ABT THEIR PAINFUL 'tRuThS' in front of EVERYONE LMAOOO. At first if i was around we'd have dinner together while they'd all talk to each other like best friends aka sickeningly overly friendly while completely IGNORING me while i sat there. i could tolerate it. I WAS PISSED AT THEM TOO Now its too painful. They're having dinner without telling me, yesterday didnt leave enough food for me knowing i hadnt eaten, serve tea/snacks without my portion. i honestly feel so unspeakably trigered nd sad. worst is these things r reminding me of deep school memories when id feel excluded like this by other kids at parties or class activities nd its like im back there. anyway im glad i controled myself a bit nd didnt counter with horrid things abt them to THEM yet they think they can say the same to me. im so hurt rn i cant even tell u lol i was okay the whole week but now its too much,, ive been crying the whole day

thing is, ik this seems like 'im a victim oh noooo they ganged up on meee'. Nope its more like how do i change myself to change them?! u could say why not talk to them how they made u feel, except whenever ive defended myself in the past regarding hurtful things they/anyone in family did, the siblings/parents would say irritating things like: "oh so YOU'RE the one hurt? Oh thats right, its because YOU'RE right! yes, yes, you're always right. Forgive me for saying anything against the perfect person u are." Or one of them says: "You?! I hurt YOU? What about me? You don't care about me! So you think what ur doing is okay?" or "no, who do YOU think u are to tell ME what to do?" it just goes in circles like this! i dont deserve to hurt myself or do smth to myself even if they dont give a damn, even if years of silent suffering of the 'mEntAL pRoBlEms' (which my lovely parents have already told me is my fault years ago, hence why I NEVER show it to them, unless im crying too much then lol they just mock me, but idc abt THAT bcoz now ik i hav a right to let out my emotions)). i mean this is worse rjan usual. its kinda insane nd when guests come they start talking to me as if nothing's wrong then when they leave, they ignore me!

this whole twisted dynamics, feelijf left out nd helpless is ig some crazy assumptin from childhood of being alone nd unable to defend myself. plus when they argye with anyone, they become overly self-righteous nd over the years its clear they can only scream, blame the scapegoat and never talk abt serious matter like normal ppl. And yes, in the past when i bring this up, they like to reply with stuff like: "no YOU'RE the one who doesnt talk to US bla bla" like, when i do u just shut me down? have belittled my mental 'issues', mocked me when im at my worst, stabbed me with cruel silent treatments nd thinking its alright "bcoz of self-righteousness blegh". Or maybe i think its okay for them to punish me? or whatev? Like law says u get what u r. if these ~~~ keep doing this to me, im doubly ashamed to say this means im the one at fault?! i let this monster assunptin grow nd now idk what to do. the worst thing imo is how i failed to tell them,even if they ignored me in the past, how i feel when anything like this or a conflict happens nd none of them stand up for me, or at least are neutral to me. bcoz now if i do, they say nope, u dont care what we do, YOUR the shameless one :! so yeah they hav the advantage of 'numbwrs' while im too afraid to stand up for myself lol. btw they never apologize nd i suspect they expect ME to apologize to TYEM bcoz everything's already ruined bcoz of 'me'..... i give up on them, i really do, but my heart hurts. Either i harden my heart, nd save up to move out, OR i try to change my self or whatev assumptins i have. But how do i do that? i try afirming: "my familys so nice to me, im respected by them" but it feels so fake tears literally enter my eyes lol

firstly i want to say, thank you for coming here to vent and being open about your feelings. it’s so important sometimes to just let it all out, without holding back. so that way you can move forward more bravely, to create the life you truly want to experience. that being said, i am going to be completely honest with you here in hopes that perhaps it may inspire you and you will be ready to do what is needed for the life you truly want to experience.

“BUT my question is why the HELL cant they talk to me like normal people?” -> “i felt so small nd like an object, nd not a single person defended me. am i not a part of the family?” here is your question, and here is your answer. i think that being completely honest when venting your feelings can actually be so helpful, because if you read back what you have said, you will be able to clearly find the patterns that are creating your personal hell. FEELING IS THE SECRET. ASSUMPTIONS HARDEN INTO FACT. the true way you feel, becomes your experience. Feelings/assumptions/beliefs come first, and the experiences come second to confirm them. That’s all that’s happening here.

i am glad that you were able to keep your reactions to a minimum! that's wonderful and as many of us know, it can sometimes be hard to do in such hurtful circumstances. but you managed to do it, this shows just a small glimpse of the power you truly hold within. although emotionally you may feel out of control, there is still the choice to choose better for yourself which you demonstrated through your reaction to them. good for you!

the truth is, you acknowledge the victim mindset to seem like you’re not engulfed in it, but no, you’re still very clearly engulfed in it. as i have said before, you can’t be a VICTOR and feel bad about it. feeling bad about taking responsibility, about everyone is you pushed out, about any of these types of concepts automatically shows a victim mindset. talking to them won’t do anything, because there are no second causes. you could talk to them nicely, you could be the nicest person in the world. but you can’t pretend your way out of your inner world. your inner world is the one and only cause of your experiences. until you change the story you tell yourself, they will stay the same. this is a hard pill to swallow sometimes. and it can feel heavily, because it’s ultimately only you’re choice. they can’t change until you do. the heaviness of the situation may make it seem impossible to turn around, but that’s just an illusion. your emotional attachment to the situation makes it seem so real and hard to change, but no. that’s just an illusion too. however, it’s ultimately your choice. Do you want to take responsibility for your life, or do you want to keep being tossed around like your lost at sea, victim to the merciless angry waves? Because we always have a choice. No one chooses your inner world, you do. No one can go into your mind and decide things for you, that’s only your job.

you can harden your heart, but who would be the one who suffers more? It won’t be your family, i can assure you. it’ll only be you. by doing that, you keep that old story alive and therefore you keep experiencing it. you keep those stories alive that are desperately showing themselves to you, saying “LET US GO.” but you remain identified with those painful stories, so you grip onto them tight. you keep on thinking of possible reasons for their behavior, but you could just read your entire ask back to yourself and you’ll see every reason. your reactions, your beliefs about them, your emotional pain. its your refusal to let those things go, and focus on what you truly want that keeps you in this state and keeps them in this state. sure it’s painful to face the responsibility at first, but it’s not a blame game. thinking its about blame is just a misunderstanding of the teachings. it’s not about they’re so perfect and you’re so not, so you have to change your ways. it’s about this is how life works here. this is about... you can ONLY ever experience self. whatever is going on within, will be reflected in your outer world. it’s about how they can’t change, UNTIL YOU DO. so instead of feeling sorry for yourself, you have to decide to give yourself the gift of a wonderful life because you have that power too. you stop deciding they can be in control of your experience, and you decide your experience yourself.

to change your assumptions, stop trying to affirm over them and actually face what’s keeping you from believing in your desires. yeah, it’s going to be painful and uncomfortable. but you need to face the pain that you’re running away from, so that it can finally be released. you have to realize, it only stayed true because you believed it to be true. and if you are to live a life free from that story, and experience a more desirable story, then you must let the pain go. give yourself love and grace as you work through it, and know that there is a more beautiful side of life that awaits for you to accept it in.

No One To Change But Self

There is Nothing to Forgive

How to Sit with Your Triggers

give yourself the time you need, it's not race. the love that you wish to experience exists, allow it in. 💖

[burnedbyshoto]

a brush of luck

— In a world where soulmates exist you can communicate yours with a brush of a pen. It just doesn’t help that you are a certified idiot with a skill in misplacing things. —

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pairing: todoroki shouto x reader

warnings: fluff, angst, soulmate!au, cursing

word count: 4,229

a/n: this is for the bnaharem collab and I was super horrible and was not ready and i just woke up and threw this together please dont hate me uhuhuhuhhh see the masterlist here!!!

message to join my tag list!

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“Hey, y/l/n, you forget this!”

Your hair was falling into your face, your face flustered, and your binders filled with paper seemed to be liquid as they slowly fell to the ground.

Kaminari stood behind you when you turned around. His lips were picked into a kind smile. It was a teasing one too by the small glint in his eyes while he held onto your backpack and phone. A look of self-realized stupidity washed over your face when your head threw back into a groan. How stupid were you, really?

“I’m so sorry!” you exclaimed, throwing your things onto the nearest desk. You felt the tips of your ears burn with embarrassment when Kaminari helped you slip on your backpack and pocketed your phone in the jacket pocket. “I swear I’m the most forgetful person in the world.”

“Well, you do really clinch the title of the person who would forget their head if it wasn’t on their shoulders.”

Snorting, you shoved him with your shoulder, and he helped you regather your things with a low groan.

“Let’s see the tattoo,” you grin, ready to head out once again. Groaning loudly, Kaminari didn’t seem to want to give in to your demand, but still, with a twitch of his eye and a shove of his sleeve, he showed off his arm. “You know what, I’m going to say it—”

“I’m going to say it, I don’t care that you broke your elbows,” Kaminari finishes the phrase with you with a snort.

“Do you think it’s the first thing out of their mouth or matching tattoo?” you asked curiously when you blond best friend also prepped to leave the classroom for the day. 

“I hope its the first thing out of their mouth, imagine how fucking ultra sexy foxy hot that would be,” Kaminari moaned, his eyes rolling to the back of his eyes at the thought. Gagging at the visual horniness of that thought, you walked away, grinning at the way that Kaminari stumbled over his feet to catch up with you.

This was the world you lived in, the world of soulmates.

You weren’t sure when they had first started, but you know that it wasn’t always a phenomenon that was around. When you roamed the internet looking at old, old stories on soulmates, these theories, these worlds were built on one single concept.

They wrote about a world of black and white for everyone until that fateful moment, or matching tattoos for everyone. But no, this world was much more complicated, much more detailed. Yes, in the world there were a lot of theories that ended up being true, but the thing they didn’t see coming was that every couple — every polyamorous relationship consisted of a unique theme.

Kaminari’s soulmate was linked with tattoo’s, and the purpose behind said symbol was unknown, unheard of until he met them. Yours, as you could guess and know, was also different. Pressing your fingers against the pen that sat on the inside pocket of your uniform jacket, you smiled when Kaminari’s arm was thrown around you.

“At least you’ve never lost or forgotten that pen of yours, that would be dangerous!”

“I promise I will never ever forget it.”

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You sat on your bed nearing midnight. You were cocooned into your blankets flipping through your Hero Lawbook that you were supposed to have read months ago, but now finally was. Humming to yourself, you read through the apparent laws and the not so evident laws.

For instance, there is a law that Pro Heroes are not allowed to eat off the edge of buildings anymore! American transfer students had littered so much it became a law!

Snorting to yourself, you flipped the page.

But something warm pressed into your forearm, the most heated energy that sent shivers down your spine. It was comforting as it was ethereal. The second your body recognized the feeling, the Hero Lawbook went soaring across the room, and you grabbed your pen that was waiting at your side for ages now. 

Hi, sorry I’m just able to get back to you. I had a bunch of homework and friends who just let me leave them.

Smiling to yourself, you twirled the pen in your fingers and scribbled down your response:

It’s all good, I’ve been studying this entire time too, was just bored and didn’t respond to you earlier today!

Your soulmate theme was straightforward and quite comprehensive — it was dubbed the Forearm and Pen theme (you hated that theme). You could communicate with your soulmate by writing with the pen on your arm, but it only worked with that pen, nothing else.

The year you were to turn sixteen, you received a pen from literally out of the blue. You remember celebrating New Year with your class in your first year at U.A.; it had been an enjoyable night! Everything in life was still going fantastic, and your class was finally past the excellent friend’s point and felt like a genuine family. You remember hugging and telling everyone good night, still being fifteen at that point, and stumbling back to your room exhausted.

When you had gotten back to your room, you didn’t even undress; simply tugging off your pants and removing your bra, you threw yourself onto the bed. But you had landed on something stiff and painful, groaning your hands shuffled for whatever it was that you fell on, and when you grabbed it, you froze at the sight of the white box. 

Was this a gift?

Your entire life, you had always wondered if you did have a soulmate, most people you knew after all had soulmate markers that appeared since birth. But you were perfectly normal. You saw all colors; you had no shared pain; there was no tattoo, no mind link, no dream meetings.

Nothing.

You were normal.

Sighing, you opened the box, hoping that it was from someone you at the very least respected.

Inside was a silver pen.

You blinked your eyes rapidly, unsure of what you were looking at, there were no initials, no engraving, nothing. 

It was an exquisite pen, and despite what you thought, it was very, very light. Frowning, your fingers pushed down on the pen, but there was nothing that came out, was there no ink?

Shrugging, you dragged it against your arm feeling the way that the cool tip delicately massaged your arm. It felt nice.

“Holy shit!”

Your eyes saw the pretty grey silvery ink on your forearm. It stood out against your skin, the ink appearing nowhere else but your arm, and then it hit you.

This was for your soulmate!

With excitement tearing through you, your exhaustion no longer bitting on your skull, but the overwhelming need to know that this was for your soulmate shook you awake. Twirling the pen in your fingers, you couldn’t help but start writing.

OMG HI

You sat there staring at your forearm, unsure as to what to do next. What do you do next?

Hey?

If your heart could be anywhere but your chest, you were nearly positive it existed within your throat at this very moment. This was nervewracking, holy shit.

Sorry, you don’t know me, but I’m ___ ___.

You frowned when you tried to write your name, it was stopping you.

It seems that we do have some rules to this entire thing.

They responded back to you, and as if they could hear you, you groaned loudly.

This soulmate shit was already stopping your excitement, it seemed.

From that very first night, the two of you were able to discover a few things. First off, anything too personal was not allowed to be written out. So names, location, and gender were the biggest ones. Birthdays were not, and you were quick to find out that both of you were still fifteen. Second of all, just because you couldn’t figure out where exactly you both were located, you did manage to put together that you were both in Japan. Third of all, your soulmate was a Hero in Training just like you and was a male. Last, of all, you were quick to realize that you were in love with the way your body felt like it was gently warming up whenever he messaged you.

I think I deserve a round of applause.

You grinned after writing your sentence, your eyes watching while the warmth filled your body and his writing slowly appearing on your forearm.

Did you not forget anything today? I find that hard to believe.

You had to suppress a scream.

WELL, IT HAPPENED! I GOT EVERYTHING I NEEDED TO BRING BACK TO MY ROOM WITH ME!!

Weren’t you the one who forgot to bring your entire backpack to school the other day?

NO! I said I almost did, but my bestie got it for me!

How do you forget everything? I think you should try to make a list to make sure that you always have things you need for the day.

... I do… but I always lose the list, and im always running late…

You’re the worst…

Congrats bbg, I’m your soulmate

The world really doesn’t want to bless me with a good life, it seems…

HEY, THAT’S MEAN!

The two of you banter for what seems like hours, the night sky fading from blackness to the deep blue of the sky right before the sunrise. You had spent the entire night curled into your pillow, your face shoved into the soft fabric to suppress your chortling snorts because you geniunely enjoyed interacting with your soulmate. But it was late, and you both had classes early that next morning.

Okay, asshole, I need to sleep! I got this stupid test tomorrow that I did not study for. I'll write to ya tomorrow!! Goodnight!!!

Don’t be rude to your soulmate :( but goodnight, and good luck on that test, sorry for keeping you up.

Smiling at his words, you put the pen to your forearm one last time.

I will never ever accept your apology for making me stay up, I love talking with you, goodnight soulmate, sweet dreams.

You placed the pen down, your eyes fluttering close, heavy with sleep. But still, no exhaustion could suppress the fluttering warmth in your body when words appeared on your arm. 

Sweet dreams, soulmate.

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“Fuck, sorry,” you groaned when you sleepily slammed into the person standing in front of you. 

Blinking tiredness away from your eyes — poorly at that too — you focused up at Shouto. Grinning, you waved at your classmate, who looked almost as exhausted as you felt and definitely looked.

“It’s okay,” he nodded at you stepping to the side so that the two of you could walk side to side.

“You ready for that test today?” you asked after moments of silence.

You and Todoroki Shouto were not as close as you would like to be. Since day one, you had always had a thing for the duality of a man, and while it was mostly superficial feelings derived from the fact that he was attractive above anything else, it still made you awkward around him. At the time, your feelings were still holding you down, you always fully believed that you had no soulmate, so you thought maybe you could sweep him off his feet. It was rumored that his scar covered up his own soulmate mark, so there was no way for him to know who his soulmate was.

Selfishly and embarrassingly, you hoped that you could have him.

Then you met your soulmate, and things changed.

But now you and your classmates were all eighteen and held the world in your hands, yet you couldn’t speak to him usually still.

“There’s no test today?” Shouto stilled, his eyes narrowing in confusion, and your eyes screwed too.

“Isn’t it… Friday? We have a Hero Law test?”

“Y/l/n,” Shouto snorted a grin spreading across his features, “It’s Wednesday.”

If there was a god, he would shoot you right now.

Your cheeks burned with embarrassment while you walked faster to the classroom, Shouto keeping up with your pace easily, he was taller than you after all.

“Shut up,” you warned, your gaze not reaching Shouto’s who was staring at you.

“I wasn’t speaking.”

“I could hear you thinking!”

Shouto put on a smirk, his eyes teasing you, and his mouth dropping to speak, but there was a loud interruption.

“Y/L/N-CHAAAANNNNNN!!!!”

Both of you turned to see Kaminari chasing after you, his arms waving, looking out of breath.

“YOU FORGOT YOUR JACKET AND TIE!”

Shouto chuckled beside you, and you stared down to see that you were, in fact, only wearing half of your uniform. If there’s a god, he will end you now, you thought.

⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆

You're not serious right now, are you?

Going on three years of knowing your soulmate, or at the very least talking with him, you thought you had a good understanding of who he was. He was strong, powerful, and kind. He came off a bit standoffish at times but was the dumbest person you’ve ever known. Common sense was not his friend, and that was okay. 

Even at times when the two of you had your differing opinions because it did happen, it never snowballed more into a small annoyance that the two of you would apologize for and move on. But this was something that shouldn’t have had become a fight, it shouldn’t have been anything more potent than a difference of opinion, but when you suggested entertaining the thought of when the two of you would finally meet, he was uncharacteristically cold. 

Hurt by his tone, you told him, and he said you to grow up until it became this written fight.

Why couldn’t you talk about meeting?

Why didn’t he want to think about what would happen when the two of you would meet?

It was getting ugly for no reason, a fight just to fight, and it was making you nauseous.

But he crossed a line that couldn’t be fixed when he wrote a simple sentence:

Just because you’re my soulmate doesn’t mean I have to love you, meet you, or marry you.

So there you sat, your bottom lip trembling with tears streaking down your blotchy face. He wasn’t being serious, was he? There was no way… no fucking way this was him. The warmth that flooded your body with his new message felt ice-cold, poisoning you from the inside out while you read it.

You're my soulmate, but I have no obligation to do anything with you now or ever. The world chose you for me, not me. I didn’t choose you. I don’t owe you anything here. Soulmates are bullshit and don’t fucking bother messaging me again if you expect me to fall in love with you just because our “souls are connected”

It was needless to say that you didn’t respond back, not because you felt like he should love you because of your connected souls, but because your sobbing and broken emotions left you curled into a ball, ready for a sleepless slumber to take you.

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“You don’t look too hot,” Kaminari told you, hitting you with his foot when your bleary and puffy eyes stared at your best friend.

Kirishima and Mina, who were sitting beside him, elbowed him at the same time, berating him for his insensitive comment. You could feel Sero and Bakugou staring at you, their eyes concerned and curious. 

“What’s eating ya up?” Sero asked, and you found a rock-forming in your throat when you shrugged.

“Soulmate problems…”

“That was fucking obvious,” Bakugou rolled his eyes, taking a drink of his water. “Tell us the problem, not a stupid summary.”

Surprisingly that’s all it took for you to come undone, and you explained what happened with tears falling down your face and a sniffling nose. There was a lot to tell them about it, and you showed them the pen while explaining the entire story. They listened to every word you uttered, faces concern but taking in everything you said.

“You’re an idiot,” Bakugou spoke the second you were finished, his eye twitching while he glared at you. You swallowed thickly, placing the pen on the table while Bakugou edged closer towards you. “He’s not wrong, you know, stupid fucking soulmates are just this irrational solution to an irrational problem. Love is much more complex than that, and you don’t seem to have been fighting for him in that way either, sure you seem like good friends, but that doesn’t give you the right to expect him to love you. But he was a complete fucking dick about it, so I say kill him.”

Your — and all of the rest of your friend group — eyes widened at his words. With nothing to follow him up, you all continued to stare at him while he munched on his food.

“WHAT ARE YOU FUCKING EXTRAS LOOKING AT!”

“Is Bakugou a love expert?” Mina’s stage whispered to the group.

“He almost was, but then he said to kill y/n’s soulmate, so probably not anymore,” Kirishima responded back.

“SHUT THE HELL UP BEFORE I KILL YOU!”

⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆

It took four days before the warm feeling shot through your body again.

Fuck, I'm really sorry, I was a complete fucking dick. I said a lot of things, and i didn’t mean to say I was angry and upset, and I know that you're upset, rightfully upset, but i don’t want to lose you.

No matter how long it took for him to get back to you, your heart squeezed with euphoria and poison, your hands moving to grab your pen in your pocket.

It wasn’t there.

Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no.

You tore apart your room, trying to find the silver pen but you couldn’t find it.

Stay as mad as you want, I just… please talk with me soon, even if it takes five days. I'm sorry, soulmate.

Frustrated tears poured down your face, nausea almost making you wheeze when you stared at the words you wanted to reply to.

⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆

One day after he apologized:

Don’t want to bother you, just wanted to apologize again and say that I miss you, talk to you soon.

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Five days after he apologized:

I’m not really sure if this is normal or not… I'm not really… educated when it comes to romance and shit like that, especially when it comes to someone being upset with the other… my female classmates told me that I should expect a response from you soon. I'm really sorry, please write soon.

⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆

So it seems that i’ve fucked up to the point of no return. I'm sorry, I miss you, I love you. Maybe one day I can reconvince you that I'm your soulmate for a good reason, but I guess I’ll have to work on that.

It had been fourteen days since he had apologized, and you sat in your room with tears streaming down your face. You wanted to respond back, but even fourteen days of tirelessly searching U.A.’s entire campus, ripping it stone by stone, there was no finding your pen. Every day without fail, he gave you an update of his day and another apology. Every day they got more hopeless, more pained.

This was his last message for a while, he needed time to work things out with himself now, the strain of this and graduation coming soon being too much to handle at the moment. 

Wiping your tears for what felt like the hundredth time within this past twenty minutes, you stood up on your wobbly legs to go downstairs for water. You were dehydrated and absolutely needed to get out for both fresh air and water.

Walking down the stairwell with swollen eyes, you groaned when you slammed into a body when you opened the door to the common area. 

Shouto blinked down at you, and you felt your throat clampdown at the pained look in his own eyes.

“Have you been—”

“Are you—”

You both spoke over each other, and despite the horrid feeling coursing through your bones, you cracked a smile.

“I’m getting water,” you explained with a shrug. “Long night ya know, just needed to replenish my system so I can cry some more.”

Shouto stared at you, and with horror, you realized precisely what you had said.

“Oh my god, ignore me!” you squeak, covering your face trying to move past him, but Shouto seemed to be curious now and followed after you.

“What’s making you cry?” he asked while you rush to the fridge to get your glass of water.

“What’s got you upset?” you counter downing the cup of water.

Shouto sighed, leaning against the counter of the island in the kitchen. “Would it be weird to say its soulmate issues?”

Swallowing the water in your mouth, you shook your head, a tired smile on your face, “Embarrassingly enough, my issue is also with soulmate stuff.”

A joyless chuckle escaped his mouth, and Shouto’s head tilted backward. You studied his jaw and the way his body seemed tense, too tense.

“What happened?” you press gently standing next to him, shouldering him gently.

“I fucked up, and now my soulmate won’t talk with me,” he says slowly, his head nodding while he glances at you. “I guess telling your soulmate you don’t want them is a bad thing.”

You snorted, nodding your head in agreement, “It’s not just a bad thing, its a super fucked up thing.”

Shouto sighed in agreement, and there was silence when you took another drink of your water.

“I didn’t know you were in contact with your soulmate, though,” you smile wistfully, your hand twirling the cup on the counter. “How’d you meet them?”

“I actually don’t know who they are,” Shouto admitted with pursed lips, and your eyebrows scrunched in confusion. “I have that soulmate thing where you write on your arm, and they can read it.”

Showing off his arm, you glanced at the pale skin. You nodded your head when he pulled out a silver pen that looked similar to yours.

“Well,” you shrug your shoulders, motioning him to write. “I’m no expert, but let’s see if I can help you get your soulmate to forgive you.”

“T-They haven’t responded to me in two weeks…” Shouto’s voice cracks, and the number burns a hole through your stomach. “I’ve written every day, but no answer. I don’t really know what to do, and all the girls in the class don’t really know what to do. Bakugou also said to go fuck myself over it, so I don’t think I really have had any help.”

Ignoring the twisting in your stomach, you willed your weirdness away to shuffle in your seat, “Well, you haven’t asked me, asshole, come on, let’s see what I can do.”

Shouto chuckles, his head nodding, “That is true, but to be fair, you’ve been anywhere, but in the dorm these past few weeks.”

“I lost something,” you mutter embarrassed, but you shake away your problems and point at his wrist. “Write an apology.”

You watched when he wrote, the words expressing his apology and love seeping through the silvery ink on his wrist. You told him to add things to delete things, but in the end, it ended up feeling like a genuine and sincere apology. You watched his pen leave his skin and a warmth shot through your arm. 

Shivering, you looked at your arm, trying to see what your soulmate had written to you even though he said he was going to stop.

The words he wrote appeared on your skin.

Your eyes widened when you stared at Shouto, who was also staring at your arm. 

Your eyes met in an almost world-altering way. This entire time, for three whole years, the two of you had been by each other and never knew. Midnight conversations wasted through ink instead of face to face. Your heart hammered in your throat, and tears once again poured from your eyes when you both stood at full height, staring at each other.

Todoroki Shouto was your soulmate — he was yours, and you were his.

“I’m so sorry, y/n, I don’t know what happened to me. You didn’t deserve that, and fuck, I’m so sorry—”

“I lost my pen, and I couldn’t respond back, I forgave you, but I had no way of reaching back! But I was always forcing myself onto you—”

You both interrupted the other, and now you stared at each other, drinking in the presence of each other and belittling yourselves for not knowing sooner; looking at it now, it was just so obvious. You can’t help it and pull him into a hug. His strong arms wrap around you, and you can hear his hammering heart on your ear, and it fills you up with the familiar warmth when he writes you. This seemed to be a brush of luck it seems.

“Can I kiss you, soulmate.”

“Please do.”

[nikmikaelsonswife]

Come Home To Me | Elijah Mikaelson x Reader

Description: He finds himself counting down the hours until you come back home.

Pairing: Elijah Mikaelson x Reader

Warnings: major angstt, slight fluff

A/N: don’t even ask. i have no idea how i came up with this. this is probably going to be my last elijah fic for a while because i feel like im drowning in this man lol. but let me tell y’all, something happens that i really really like. im excited. enjoy or not.

“You promised me.”

It was unfair. And extremely hypocritical.

His whispers into the phone could’ve been considered a waste of time as the other line was silent, recording his words to pass on to your voicemail box. This was his sixth call to you within an hour. He never recieved any form of response.

The time read twelve AM, marking the fourth hour since he had last seen your face. He wondered if his worry came from a place of reason, or if he should’ve been used to this behavior by now. There were moments where you were incompetent when it came to normal functioning. Periods of time where all you could do was shy away from others and deal with your issues on your own. He would know, since he had dealt with a great deal of them himself.

The difference was that he was the trigger that caused you to leave this time.

He couldn’t be who you were to him, an anchor, a source of comfort and support. All he had to do was come home, give you that one look and you would lay his head on your chest and hold him as if letting go meant losing him forever.

In reciprocation, when you basically cried out to him for help, he had turned away, putting everybody else’s needs before your own. Later that night, he had found a letter, explaining to him that you needed to take some time to yourself. Stating that you were the only person that could truly help heal your emotional wounds at that time and that you were unsure if you were ever going to return.

“Don’t come after me. I’m just tired of feeling like this, Elijah. It’s time I put myself first.”

He felt horrible and was convinced that he was the worst boyfriend to ever exist. Not to be cliche, but he knew that he didn’t deserve you or the way you loved him so fervently and unconditionally. How you always would be there by his side, no matter the case or cost.

“Hey, hey, look at me.”

He slowly lifted his gaze to meet your eyes, your fingers tenderly stroking his wet cheeks as you stared down at him. “I’m here, okay? I will always be here. You don’t have to hide from me.”

Taking his hand in your own, you squeezed tightly, the familiar warmth of your body against his calming the storm within his heart. “I am yours as you are mine, you understand? I love you, Elijah. Don’t you ever — ever think for one second that that’s ever going to change.”

He gulped, nodding slowly before leaning in closer within your embrace so that his head pressed against your shoulder. “Promise to always be there?”

A loving smile pulled at your lips, eyes filled with adoration. “You have my word.” Leaning down, you pressed a kiss to the crown of his head before threading your fingers through his soft brown locks.

“Always and forever.”

Elijah shook his head, a wet hot burning sensation tingling in his eyes. “Please come home to me, baby. Please,” he pleaded, pulling the phone away from his ear to press his thumb to that same red button. Instead of pocketing his cell, he blindly tossed it away, the clattering of it’s contact with the floor echoing throughout his bedroom.

“Don’t you think he can take care of himself? He’s over a millennium old for god’s sake!”

He huffed, his hand slipping into his slacks’ pocket, other coming to ball up into a fist. “He’s my brother, (Y/N). I will not turn my back on family.”

“You can’t possibly be serious.” You crossed your arms over your chest, furrowing your brows, “What am I to you then?”

His mouth fell agape, eyes widening incredulously. Taking a step back, he scoffed, opening his mouth further to speak when you cut him off. “No, for real. I am asking you to stay here with me, Elijah.”

“I just learned not even an hour ago that my mother is dead. Don’t you think I need my boyfriend?”

“(Y/N)....”

“All that I ask is for you to choose me.” You stood up from your spot on the bed, shoving a finger in your own direction as you slowly walked toward him. “Hold me, hug me, kiss me. Make me feel loved, that’s all I ask! Can you just do that for me? Please?”

There was a long moment of his eyes shifting between your own, as you were oblivious of the internal battle occuring in his head. “I understand that you’re going through something horrible right now, but if my siblings are in danger and I know that I can be of assistance to them, I can’t turn a blind eye.”

“I...”

It was his turn to cut you off, “I can’t.” A breath of air hadn’t even left your lips before he was gone.

His teeth sunk into his bottom lip as he brought his knees up, his forehead pressed against the knuckles of his hands. He was lost, unaware of what to do or how to continue on. Yes, he loved you with his entire being, as if every single cell within his body felt that magnetic attraction between the two of you. But he couldn’t leave his family behind when they needed him.

He contemplated breaking it off himself, aware that there was a high probability that he would always choose his siblings over you. Perhaps you had came into his life too late, when the wound of the Mikaelson bond was too deeply embedded in his heart. Where it left no space for another, no matter how badly he desired for it to.

But imagining another day without you resulted in his throat closing up, anxiety setting in at even the thought of forever. He wouldn’t — he couldn’t let you go.

So, he lifted himself up, searching for his phone in the darkness. Once his foot made contact with the device, he picked it up, immediately skimming through to find your contact. He’d call you over and over until you answered. He wasn’t giving up.

Placing his phone to his ear, he rubbed his forefinger and thumb together in anticipation. His eyelids fell shut, body falling slack as the phone continued to ring. This wasn’t enough, he knew it. But he would respect your wishes of solitary for as long as he physically could.

Though, unbeknownst to him, you weren’t giving up either.

“Elijah?”

He flipped around, eyes rounding at the sight of you leaning against the doorway. You offered him a soft smile, watching as he discarded his phone in his suit jacket pocket.

No words were necessary, the exchanged looks all the conversation the two of you needed. He rushed toward you, immediately wrapping his arms around your waist, hugging you close to his body. “I’m so so sorry,” he sobbed into your hair, tears of tremendous remorse finally breaking through.

“I thought I was never...” He sniffled, shaking his head against you, “I thought I had lost you.”

Your hand came up to caress the nape of his neck, “I know, I know.” Moving to where you were far away enough to look him in the eye, you frowned at your reflection in the gloss of his gaze. “I’m sorry for asking you to choose.”

“Do not apologize. This was my fault. You’re the love of my life and you deserve to be treated as such.” Your eyes fluttered close when he pressed his lips to your forehead, before eventually pulling back to stroke your cheek with his thumb. “Allow me to make it up to you.”

Raising an eyebrow in intrigue, you prodded further, “How?” He smiled softly, the edge of his lips curving up as his eyes dried. Sighing, he pressed his head to yours, fingers slowly trailing down the clothed skin of your back in an attempt to comfort you. “Why don’t we start off with a bath?”

“Bubbles, rose petals, candles....”

“Baby,” you interrupted, lips inches away from his mouth. “Hmm?” He hummed, the vibration from his chest warming up your own.

“You had me at we.” Your hands slid up his pectorals, eventually coming to rest at his shoulders.

“Now, we don’t have time to waste. I’m not getting any younger.” Chuckling, he intertwined his fingers with yours, placing a soft kiss to your lips. It was one last wordless apology before he gently pulled you toward the bathroom.

“This is (Y/N). Leave a message and I’ll get back to you when I can.”

Elijah pinched the bridge of his nose, blinking away the tears that had formed on his dark lashes. Silence along with a cool gust of air occupied the space surrounding him, highlighting the loneliness he felt deep within his gut.

You could be anywhere, with anyone, doing anything. He wasn’t about to continue to helplessly sit around and fantasize while you were out there, all alone. If you weren’t coming home to him, then he was going to bring home to you.

Allowing you to slip away wasn’t an option.

—

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