#this is why being awake at 4am is bad im going to sleep now

[lyriumsings]

turns out going out and doing things is good for you vs staying inside for weeks at a time lol but sadly leaving the house cuts into drawing im trying to make up for it by watching studies and collecting comm refs

[mlm-mod-taka]

Hi! It's me again, I really enjoy your hcs and I was wondering if I could request again some hcs for Byakuya, Ghundam, Chihiro and, (If you want), any character you choose x GN reader who has a hard time falling asleep and hardly sleep because of that, thanks and sorry if my English is bad, I hope you have a nice day <3

INSOMNIAC READER • byakuya, chihiro, gundham x gn reader

of course, anon! i didnt proof read, so im sorry if there are any typos in this. im somewhat in a hurry to finish this since im not used to answering anything below 3 requests a day, so i hope its decent! also, please get enough sleep, it'll really help you! i hope you enjoy these.

tws/cws: he/him pronouns for chihiro.

|| -> mod taka <3

he finds out that you do this when he got up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, and he sees you in the kitchen, eating chips and watching a video on your gadget.

is very surprised and almost had a heart attack, thinking that someone broke into his house when he doesnt see you next to him and when he hears the strange sound of plastic rustling in the kitchen.

will ask why youre not in bed in a very exhausted tone. its not directed at you, the man just needs some peace and quiet. he has a pretty stressful life, after all.

when you tell him that you have trouble sleeping, and that you just dont sleep at all for some days in a row, he looks at you like you just grew 3 extra eyes. you... dont sleep for days on end? is that even possible?

he just, drags you to bed silently and tells you to just wait until you fall asleep. 2 hours later, he wakes up again. this time, to you playing a game on your phone with your earphones on.

you'll explain again how really nothing has helped you so far, and that waiting around while waiting for them to be sleepy is useless.

okay, this is serious. he finally got enough sleep, so he commands one of his servants to get a bottle of the strongest melatonin they could buy. he'll also issue a doctor appointment to make sure its not some kind of side effect for an illness.

once they can confirm that youre okay, but you just need ALOT of sleep, he'll nod, making a promise to himself that he'll fix your hurrendous sleeping patterns. not only for your sake, but for his too. he really doesnt want to wake up constantly because you made an unexpected noise when youre awake.

the first step to his plan is by making you eat/drink things that are known to help people sleep. even if you dont like the taste, he will probably still feed it to you since he knows its the better good. both you and him need beauty sleep.

after he makes you eat one of those things atleast once everyday, he'll also make you take a melatonin pill atleast 30 minutes before you go to bed.

when you start to have a better sleeping pattern, thats when he'll start letting you refuse your daily sleeping food. all he asks is that you take the melatonin.

as the weeks go by, he'll gradually start to leave you alone, and you notice that your sleeping is back to normal! you can now actually fall asleep without being up for atleast a few days.

byakuya is very happy about this result. he probably improves your health a slight bit as well. hes just glad that he could be of assistance to someone he loves.

honestly? he probably feels the same as you do. since he's a programmer, chihiro probably has a terrible sleeping schedule too, and he doesnt do much to change it.

you'll be the couple that'll be up until 4am. there was one time where mondo messaged the class groupchat because he couldnt sleep, and you and chihiro messaged right away.

the rest will probably have to take care of you two, most of the class is very concerned whenever you both answer in exact unison because youre always up together.

mondo and taka probably have to force you two to go to bed. they themselves don have the best sleep schedule, but yours is definitely worse.

you and chihiro most likely stay up doing the classic stuff. playing multiplayer in your favorite games, watching vine compilations, cooking cupcakes in the dorm kitchen that will probably make someone sick since you both cant cook, the usual.

you always wake up someone during your antics, and its most likely makoto and taka since theyre very light sleepers. makoto probably just gives you two a look before going back to sleep, and taka gives you a gigantic lecture.

eventually, he does start realizing that its probably unhealthy to stay up until 7am every single night until youre so exhausted that you collapse on the dorm bed and sleep for a good 19 hours. thats not good at all, so he starts encouraging both of you to go to sleep later.

asks for mondo and takas help, so what do they do to help out? they take all of your gadgets and only plan to give them back when they see you in school the next day, after having a good nights rest.

you guys probably have to do a massive amount of things during the day so that you can just knock out afterwards, and finally get your gadgets back. chihiro is the ultimate programmer, he needs his computer back.

after doing that every day for a good few weeks, you both finally start to fall asleep on your own measures. taka and mondo are so proud, that they finally give you back your gadgets for good.

now, you both sleep at the exact same time! it all comes full circle. he really likes staying up, but also going to bed with you. he just wants to do everything with you, and hes glad that you can also fall asleep together.

now, this man wouldnt try to correct your sleeping pattern, but hed actually try to do the same as you instead. he definitely wants to spend as much time as he can with you, but he just.

he cant. he cant stay up for as long as you do, and its very obvious that hes trying so hard not to fall asleep when youre trying to make conversation with him and 3 am.

he yawns whenever he opens his mouth to speak, whenever you speak he starts to doze off and you have to shake him awake when he does, plus he also scratches his eye every 5 seconds to keep him awake.

"me? tired? non sense!" he yawns. "the supreme overlord of ice can never go to slumber that easily!" a hand reaches to scratch his eye. "what makes you think of tomfoolery such as that?" the dark devas are sleeping in his scarf while he talks.

eventually gets to the point where he cant do it anymore. you look over to him, since he hasnt responded to the topic in awhile, and you see him knocked out, snoring very loudly.

its cute to think that he cares so much about spending time with you, but it is effecting him a little. he often sleeps during lunch, and whenever hes finished with his work.

sonia finally asks whats wrong with him when he falls asleep in the middle of eating his food, and nothing can wake him up. shes tried to shake him awake already, yelling in his ear, etc. etc... nothings working.

when you do finally wake him up, you decided that you have to fix your sleeping pattern. he will really stay up for as long as he can to spend time with you, you've already tried to convince him to sleep, and the man is stubborn.

so, you put matters into your own hands. you put alot of effort into helping yourself get into a regular sleeping pattern. you practically ask everyone else to help you out because you dont want gundham to sacrifice his own well being just for your sake.

gundham is secretly really greatful. he didnt know how much longer he can stand staying up so late everyday, so its a relief when he gets to sleep at his usual time again.

in a way, being in a relationship with him actually was the reason that you finally fixed how you sleep, and you will forever be thankful for that, since your habit would probably catch up to you later on in life.

[curly-bangtan]

Heatwave Anniversary Drabble: i miss u like ... a lot (M)

[Heatwave // Godless // Heatwave Drabbles] <- read first! but this drabble can be read alone

Pairing: Taehyung x reader

Summary: One night until Taehyung is back from his boys’ trip but you miss him too much.

Genre: fluff, smut, kinda crack?, boyfriend/established relationship au

Warnings: unprotected sex (oc on contraception so don’t u do it), teasing over the phone, riding and grinding, just kinda vanilla i-missed-u-so-much sex, a particular selca

Word count: 5k

A/N: It was Heatwave’s one year anniversay on the 17th so I decided to write a quick(?) drabble for this. I fully intended on posting this on time, but wanted to change up some stuff so only managed to finish this now. Happy birthday to my first fic and forver my baby!

MOSTLY UNEDITED

.

The absolute one thing you hate most about your boyfriend being away from you is your boyfriend being away from you.

You have never been the clingy needy type, that is more his role in this relationship, nor are you really one to show affection. In fact, you would hate for that false image to be perceived of you because all that sappy shit makes you want to throw up your dinner. But one thing you’ve learnt since Taehyung had gone away on a week-long boys’ trip down by the coast is how cold the house feels in his absence, despite being in the middle of a sizzling summer.

Everything is so eerily quiet without his random outbursts into song and fits of laughter. Having spent 3 years living together, you have gotten so used to his constant presence that you had even caught yourself several times calling out for him only to remember that he isn’t here. Waking up without his arm draped around your waist, slided up your top at some point during the night, impacts you more than you’d like to admit.

Are you glad that he’s having a great time with his friends by the beach, relaxing all day and drinking all night? Of course. Are you having a great time all by yourself over here in the absence of your boyfriend? Certainly not.

Though, of course, this isn’t something you would confess to out loud, especially to him. He doesn’t need to know how often the thought: ugh fuck, I miss Tete is crossing your mind, lest you want him to rub his smugness in your face.

It isn’t just that. Your relationship hasn’t been without its tests in the course of its years and things have only finally stabilised. It’s not that you don’t trust Taehyung to be with his ladish friends for seven days, shirtless dusk till dawn, intoxicated to the point where he calls you thinking that you’re the pizza delivery guy but…

A hammered Taehyung at a beach full of girls who are no doubt thirsting over him leaves a bad taste in your mouth. You trust him to be loyal to his core, but you don’t trust anyone else to keep their hands from copping a feel. No matter how you look at it, you would just so much rather he be at home with you right now.

You have endured this for six days. Six full days without Taehyung. Six full days with no sex, no tummy kisses, no clammy hand holding even though you’re only to get groceries. Just one more night and this torture will fucking be over, praise the lord. But you also don’t know how much more you can hold back that I miss you text because you’re combusting from the need to see him again.

It’s almost 4am. Your sleep schedule is fucked and it’s really his fault.

The bright screen of your phone offers the only luminescence at this hour. Your messages from him in the past week have not been shy of your daily dose of Taehyung - clips of the beach (always mischievously caption with something along the lines of “thinking of Mykonos ;D” where you went on your first holiday together), selfies that you dwell way too long staring at because you miss that face buried in your neck, drunk videos of the antics him and the boys get up to that you’ll definitely chastise him for when he comes back yet can’t help but laugh at. You find yourself scrolling through them every single night.

Your personal favourite: a pouty selfie he sent you after he dropped his ice cream, the picture you always go back to and the one you’re staring at right now. His hair is frizzy from the sea, lips jutted out childishly and cheeks puffy. Your chest constricts, fuck...

Just one more night, you remind yourself. And then he’s back and all yours again.

Then suddenly, the phone in your hand vibrates, short and abrupt. The bar slides down from the top of your screen reading New Message from Tete. Surprised, you scramble to open it, maybe a bit too desperately for you to be proud of.

04:11

Tete: bby

You blink at those three letters, lips pressed together because your heart is cinching.

Tete: ur prob aslep rn but

Tete: i missu

Tete: <334

The typos indicate that he is wasted, and you take a guess that he has just returned from their last night out of the holiday. The corners of your lips turn up knowing that he is thinking of you right now.

You: no im awake

Your fingers are itching to reply with i miss u too, and it takes all your willpower and stubbornness to stay true to your steadfast self. There is just something so unpleasantly moist about these kinds of texts, something that makes you cringe and gag when you read them. You refuse to be one of those people. A heart is all that you allow yourself to reply.

You: <3

You: r u drunk?

Tete: drunk in love

Tete: yes

A giggle escapes you at his god awful cheesiness - drunk, sober alike. Insufferable. But probably Taehyung’s most endearing quality.

You: did u have fun!!

Tete: yeah

Tete: but i miss u

Tete: more than i had fun

God, you feel like a teenager again, suddenly overcome with this gushing urge to roll over and scream into your pillow. You’re glad he’s merely texting this to you right now because if he had said this to you face to face, your skin would most definitely stain scarlet from neck to hairline, scalding to the touch. Even months into officially being his girlfriend, these curveballs of overwhelming affection throw you off guard.

Again, the compulsion to tell him you miss him too yanks at your heartstrings. You truly don’t understand why it’s so hard for you to say how you feel, let yourself be soft and vulnerable. You know it’s one of your flaws so it’s something that you’re working on, but you can’t say you’ve made much progress.

But just as you decide that maybe you should take the plunge, suck it up and just text him those three words, he sends you a picture.

Tete:

No, not just a picture. A selfie, of him in bed, shirtless under the covers. “Oh, fuck…”

Hand clasped over your mouth to prevent any sound from involuntarily escaping, it takes a moment for your breath to return to you and for you to stop gawking. At this hour… Really? Is he seriously doing this to you right now?

His sleepy eyes. His messy curls. And his fucking nose mole.

The undoing of your existence.

Tete: this boy misses u :]

You: bruh

You: bruhhhhhhh

You: taehyung

Tete: oui my lady :))

You: 👁👄👁

You: can u not do this to my heart

You: y did u send me this </333

You: what was the reason

Tete: coz i miss u

Tete: do u like it

Tete: :D

‘Do u like it’... Actually, you have tears in your eyes, albeit mostly due to staring at a screen for too long so late at night, but it’s certainly contributed by this selfie. You tell yourself you’re acting out because it’s been six days since you last saw him. Perhaps Taehyung Withdrawal Symptoms is the explanation behind why you want to print and frame this picture because that is definitely not a normal reaction to a picture. But this is a masterpiece.

You: taehyung my soul left my body

You: like i could weep

You: u look so soft and fluffy

You: :’(

Tete: lollll

Tete: simp

This boy has some nerve?! Simp! He called you a simp?! Laughing like a maniac, you can’t even pretend to be mad at him, not after this picture he sent anyway. So you guess you are a simp. This selfie is your kryptonite.

Tete: jkjkkkkk

You: hahahaha

You: y r u doing this to me

You: its 4am

You: u can’t send me this rn

You: i won’t be able to sleep

Tete: o yeah how come ur still up?

Tete: go to sleepppp

You: can’t sleep

Tete: aw no whyyy

Because you miss him that’s why.

You miss Kim Taehyung. You miss Tete. You miss your boyfriend, your best friend, your other half. You miss his touch, his smile, his wide eyes when he’s confused. You miss his morning snuggles and late night kisses. You miss the way he hugs you from behind as you prepare your meals. You miss the wandering hands that he can’t help when you’re out in public. You miss playing PUBG together until the sun comes out then both sleeping past noon. You miss taking baths together where bubbles would get into your mouth as your kisses get heated.

You just miss him.

It’s only been six days and you’re in this state. What has he done to you?

Fingers hovering over the keyboard, you let out a great sigh and deflate. No other reason offers itself for you to be awake at this hour; he knows you cherish sleep above anything. Teeth digging into your lip, you inhale long and hard, then exhale the gust of your cowardice. It’s not that deep, stupid. Fuck it.

You: coz

You: i miss u

You: like … a lot

You: 🙄

It’s final - you guess you’ve become a mushy wet sap. Truly it is embarrassing how big of a step this is for you; but the sense of pride and accomplishment feels oddly validating. Baby steps. The eye-rolling emoji right after is subconscious because you could only betray the core of your character that much. Forgo it and taehyung might not believe that it’s you.

Tete: omg

Tete: :D

Tete: rrly?

You: *blank kissy emoji*

Tete: wow

Tete: u actually don’t know how hard i’m smiling rn

You: simp

Tete: ofc that’s my middle name

Tete: i miss u a lot too

Tete: like a lotttttt

Tete: i’ll show u how much when i’m back

Ah… Of course, the Taehyung specialty - smothering you with his affection. You freeze at the thought of his wildfire kisses and head between your thighs. Nothing screams of how much you’ve missed each other more than a good dicking down, climax after climax until you’re both panting messes of sweat and entangled limbs. The anticipation makes you squirm under the sheets, legs pressing together.

You: pls do

You: i need u

It’s uncertain what spirit has possessed you at this ungodly hour for these words to come out of you. There’s an instant flash of ickiness, but you let the self-cringing simmer and dissipate into the realisation that this is okay, this is normal. Taehyung’s your boyfriend, couples text like this. You need to grow some.

Tete: fuck baby

Tete: i’m so not used to u texting like this, it's driving me crazy

You: crazy how *cat smirk*

If you weren’t smiling before, you’re definitely grinning like an idiot now. His reaction is predictable, yet oddly still, an incredible wave of satisfaction hits you. And because you want to savour this moment, maybe give him a taste of his own medicine, you send him a picture of yourself.

Camisole strap slid off your shoulder, hair splayed out, bottom lip deep red from biting down on it too much. Just to return the favour.

Tete: y/n

Tete: call me now

-Incoming call from Tete-

Laughing to yourself, you wait a good few seconds before picking up to prolong his torture. “Yes, Taehyung?” You put your thumb between your teeth to suppress the laughter.

“Fuck.” Against the silence of the night, the low rasp of his voice permeating into you from the speaker of your phone sends tingles up your toes. You’ve fucking missed his voice more than you thought. “Y/N… You can’t do this to me.”

“I told you, I miss you. Like… a lot.” The saccharine tone in your reply is foreign to your own ears, but you like the sound of it and the deep rumble it elicits from your boyfriend.

“How much?” Taehyung eggs you on. His words are barely slurred, so you gather that he has sobered up at least for the most part by now. Yet there is still a slowness to it that suggests

“Hmm, like… I touched myself every night at the thought of you a lot.”

A sharp inhale. Then silence. But you know better so you give him a moment to gather himself.

“You shouldn’t be putting that image in my head.” Exasperation is evident in his voice, desperate and yearning. You can imagine him now, one hand on his phone, the other sliding over his pants that are getting a bit too tight for comfort. Your breath hitches.

“Then you shouldn’t have sent me that picture, Taehyung…”

“You said it was soft and fluffy. What you sent me back was not soft and fluffy.”

“Just because it’s soft doesn’t mean it doesn’t turn me on. You do things to me… okay?” Heat trapped beneath the skin of your cheeks, your grip on the phone against your ear slackening as your thighs rub together.

“Fuck, I’m getting hard, baby…” Nothing gets him going more than the knowledge that he turns you on, it’s his weakness but somewhat his strength.

“That’s… unfortunate. Are you going to do something about it?”

His gulp is audible even over the phone. “Uh…” A sigh. “Um. Maybe. Thoughts are being thought.”

“What kind of thoughts? Thoughts about me touching myself and moaning your name? Thoughts about how much I wish my fingers were your cock thrusting so deep into me that I feel it in my guts? Or are you thinking about what you’ll do to me when you’re back tomorrow? Fucking my mouth until I’m crying or filling me up with your cum first?” Your hips buckle at the filth leaving your mouth. This is more like you; you haven’t abandoned your nature after all.

“Oh, fuckkkk.” His moan resonates into your skull, not quite as if he’s here with you but good enough to fill your desire. “Y/N… I need you so badly.” Breath ragged, you hear movement of his sheets in the background as he adjusts into a more comfortable position.

“Are you stroking your cock right now?” A warm slick oozes out of your own entrance. There’s something about Taehyung masturbating to you that elevates you to a different kind of high.

“What do you think, baby?” As you listen closely, you hear the slow rhythm of his pumping, and your fingers ache to pleasure yourself. ‘The things I’ll fucking do to you when I’m back.”

“Mmm, but it’s late, Taehyung, why don’t we go to sleep.”

“Wait, what?” The stroking stops instantly and surprise in his voice releases a smug satisfaction into your veins. The equivalent of pouring a bucket of ice water over his head right now. Teasing is an old undying habit, what can you say? “You wanna end the call now?”

“Yeah, we should sleep, babe.” Grin unsuppressed, you turn over onto your side, probably a bit too pleased with yourself at your success. Taehyung is an easy victim always.

“What the fuckkk?” Your boyfriend groans. “You’re seriously going to tease me this hard then leave me high and dry?” When you offer no more response than a sly chuckle, he add, “You’re so evil.”

“Save it for tomorrow, Taehyung. Think about it, we’re one sleep away from seeing each other again.”

“Fuck, I know. But you just got me so fucking horny, bruhhh. I thought we were gonna have phone sex.” You are still laughing at his whining, basking in the victory you’re holding over him.

“Taehyung, save it for the real sex.” The idea of phone sex crossed your mind several times to be honest, but you really want to collect every single drop of desire and longing and unleash it tomorrow. Raw and pent up. Nothing to dampen the fire.

A sigh of defeat down the line. “You’re going to be the death of me, you know?” You know. “How am I supposed to sleep now though? I’m so rock hard that it hurts.”

“You can figure that out yourself, big guy.” Your cheeks ache from smiling for too long; they often do during calls with him. “One sleep away, okay?”

“Ugh, fine, you demon. I can’t believe you sometimes.” He lets out another sigh. Your heart skips at the anticipation of how he will punish you for this. “Good night, I miss you.”

“Good night, I miss you more.” There’s a sudden change of tone with these words. Because you truly mean it. Sex and physical intimacy aside, you really just missed his voice, his banter.

You fall asleep almost immediately.

.

You don’t think you’ve heard a sweeter sound than the keys rattling at the door the next day. Practically leaping off the couch where you had been awaiting him in your Taeyhyung-less boredom, you run to the door.

As it swings open, heat courses to your chest when your eyes land on his, so full of comfort. Your boyfriend is home. Handsome as ever, much more tanned than your memory of him and much more attractive. White t-shirt and loose black shorts, a mundane outfit that only he could make look exceptional.

And as much as you want to sprint up and throw yourself onto him, your feet stay planted on the floor.

“Hey.” You barely breathe out.

Stay calm and composed, you tell yourself. It was only one week without him, it’s not like he’s returning from war.

But Taehyung doesn’t even reply, because in two long strides he is standing before you, bags tossed to the side, a sign of their insignificance in the presence of you. His arms find their home circled around you, face buried in your hair before you can utter another word. You don’t hesitate to return his embrace, holding his waist as you let yourself fall into his chest. He smells like what summer should, the ocean, sweat and young love; his familiar musk greeting you as if he never left.

Your lips meet his, strong and full of intent. He’s so unexpectedly soft when he kisses back, a timeless romantic dance like he is saviour your taste on his tongue.

With your weight leaning on him, he slowly topples back, stepping hastily until your bodies land on the couch. You fit your legs on either side of him as you burrow your nose in his neck and breathe him in, memorise him. In nothing but a large shirt, your bare thighs are exposed for his roaming.

When you pull away and face each other, you are struck by his beauty. His skin is sun-kissed and glowing, hair an effortlessly beautiful mess, the slightest hint of a stubble peeking through below his nose. Your heart belongs to him forever, you know it without a doubt.

“You smell so good. I missed you so much, baby.” And his voice… That deep baritone honey that you have taken for granted all this time - music to your ears.

“Imissedyoutoo…” You mumble, shy under his undivided attention and mercilessly unbroken eye contact.

With your chests pressed together, his chuckle rumbles into you. “What was that?”

“I missed you too… I guess.” Face flaming, you can’t bring yourself to meet his eye at your admittance, fingers twirling around his curls to preoccupy yourself.

But he cups your chin and turns your face to him, forehead pressing up to yours until your noses are touching, breaths mixing. “That’s not what you said last night.” Taehyung smirks, hands sliding down to your waist, the material of your shirt bunching up in his hands. “Do I need to remind you?”

“No…” You find yourself unable to keep your eyes open, your core pulsing mercilessly as you grind onto him. “How are you already hard, Taehyung…” And though you mean to scold him, it comes out breathless.

Lips hovering, he traces the edge of your jaw, tingling the sensitive little hairs on its way to your ear. When he reaches the shell of your ear, warm breath infiltrating so relentlessly into you, you almost lose yourself right there on his lap. “Don’t you know how much I love you?” He whispers.

“Show me.” Is all you make out.

His hands are already beneath your shirt before you even notice, palms kneading into your breasts as he takes your nipples between his two fingers and rolls. As he kisses you again, the same tenderness exchanges between your lips. It’s a different kind of desperation to be so slow and gentle, one that means so much more than sex, one that’s telling of how much you truly missed each other. Your hips roll with a mind of their own over him. One hand of his comes down to your ass, guiding the waves of your rocking. And each time his stiff clothed member digs into your clit, you whimper into his mouth.

Carefully, Taehyung rolls you over onto your back, sucking your bottom lip to keep the seal from breaking. He pulls away when he’s on top of you, and a string of glistening saliva bridges between your mouths. “Foreplay or no? Tell me what you want?” Compliant as ever.

“I need you to fill me up right now. Anything else can wait.” You watch the devotion ignite in his eyes. His fingers are in a hurry as they pull your panties off, knees spreading your legs open as he kneels between your gaping entrance. He tugs his shirt off from the collar, such smoothness in his action that your insides coil up. His newly-bronzed rich skin revealed, you can’t help but reach up and run your hands down from chest to navel, revelling in his blemishless ridges.

A low sound reverberates from the back of Taehyung’s throat as your touch travels down to unbutton his shorts. They fall loose. His hard throbbing members springs free, a glistening bead oozing from his slit. “You didn’t wear boxers?”

When you glance up, you notice his sheepish grin. He presses his mouth onto yours, still smiling, guiding you back onto your back. “I just couldn’t wait.” Taehyung whispers. “I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you, especially since last night… Ah, fuck.” Another deep groan erupts from him as you reach down and slather that bead of precum all over his tip. His head falls onto your neck, writhing under your merciless stroking.

His tip brushing against your clit, your toes curls at the teasing of your weakness, hips jolting up involuntarily and perhaps a bit too violently. You’re so embarrassingly sensitive after this many days without Taehyung, and he notices from your breathless reaction. Smirking, he takes his shaft in his hand and runs his stiff head over your clit mercilessly. And as you roll your head back helplessly, he nibbles onto your exposed neck, faint stubble grazing your skin.

“Quit the teasing…” You whine, unable to withstand the build up of twisting pressure begging to be fulfilled between your legs. “Just put-”

Taehyung pushes himself into you so abruptly that you yelp. And there it is, that mind-melting stretch of your walls that you’ve so much missed. “Fuck, Taehyung…” Your entire core feels ablaze, so numbing that your nails dig into the leather of the couch before they find grip on his arms.

“Like that, baby?” His voice his strained, as if he’s struggling not to lose his mind as well.

Nodding because you can’t make out a word as he slowly pulls out, you grab his face and pull him up to meet your lips. You whimper into him mouth when he rams into you again, hitting your walls in full force, no mercy. His kiss doesn’t lose its sincerity despite the juxtaposition of his vigorous thrusts, though you can’t say that he is quite as gentle with as before. You pinch his bottom lip between your teeth, sucking on it as your fingers get lost in his hair.

After seven days of deprevation of his cock, your cunt is leaking with the fluid of your arousal, aiding in the ease of each plunge. You feel the stiffness of his ridges pulling you open as he slides in and out of you. “Fuck…” He pants, mouth hovering over yours.

“Let me get on top.” Taehyung’s eyes flash at your suggestion, instantly rolling onto his back. He slips out during the switch of position and the wetness of your cunt is assailed by a sudden rush of cool air.

You swing your leg over and mount him, watching him watch you pump his dick, your own liquid slathered over him sticky in your hand. Letting his member fall against his abdomen, you grind over him between your folds, hands splayed out over his chest. The friction created each time your clit would slide over the thin pinch of skin where his tip unfolded into his shaft has Taehyung a groaning mess.

He looks remarkable under you.

You push his sweat-dampened curls out of his forehead, eyes half closed in euphoria, half watching you roll your cunt so lewdly over his length. You know you could make him cum like this if you continue. But you want him to cum inside you first, you want to feel that thick hot spurt of his desire shoot again and again into you until his cock is twitching.

So slowly, lubricated by your wetness, you sink inch by inch down until the skin of your ass meets his thighs. This angle fuck with your mind; you think you feel him at your cervix. Then your hips start to do what they know best, pounding over him with a rhythm that you’re proud of.

Taehyung grabs hold of your waist, your breasts, fury in his eyes as he watches you ride him with such determination. “I love you so much.” He heaves between heavy breaths.

“I love you, I missed you more than you could imagine.” You huff, thumb running over his red swollen lips.

“I love when you admit it.” He sits up and takes the swell of your breast in his mouth, making his way to your nipples where his tongue relentlessly flickers over.

Your thighs are starting to burn, core aching because his cock is thrusting up into you so deep that you feel it in your guts. The signs are appearing - your vision is going hazy, walls squeezing tightly around him, tangle upon tangles knoting in your stomach. His are too - his head is slumped against your chest, arms crossed behind your back as he holds you close to him, whole body starting to tense as he begins to curse.

Pace quickening, you don’t let the tire of your muscles stop you from your chase. The slap of your skins ringing in your ears, you keep riding, cunt swallowing his cock whole each bounce. Taehyung breaks first. “Fuck!” He calls out into your neck. His cum squirts into you, pulse after pulse, your boyfriend’s hips jolting each thrust.

“I’m so close, babe, keep going for me.” You plead, knowing how sensitive he is right after his climax. He nods wordlessly, face still buried in you hair. The lubrication of his cum abolishes any resistance, letting you slide over him easier than sitting down. And not five thrusts later, your own coil snaps. You through your head back at the wave of pleasure that drowns you, your entire core on fire as your moans echo through the room. It takes maybe twenty seconds for your walls to stop throbbing and for the orgasm to slowly die down.

Taehyung is already growing limp inside you after his orgasm. “Thank you.” You whisper against his forehead while you dismount. His cum flows out of your slit and down the insides of your thighs, but he refuses to let go of you.

When he looks up, you are struck by an overwhelming sensationf of adoration. His long dark curls fall slightly over his eyes, in disarray but just the way you like it. His eyes are so full of genuine love and gratitude of having you that you can’t help but capture him with your lips. “No, thank you.” He mumbles against you, falling back onto the couch with you in his embrace.

After a long kiss of after-sex affection, you pull away before it leads to a second round. “I want you to know that I really missed you a lot. I can’t even call you a big baby anymore because I stared at all the pictures you sent me every night till the sun came out.”

Taehyung’s boyish smile melts your heart. You’ve missed him way too much. His smile, his goofy comments, his tender kisses. “My heart… is squeezing…” If his smile doesn’t tell how smitten he is, his eyes definitely do. “I missed you so much too. All the boys made fun of me for being such a wettie ‘coz I couldn’t shut up about you.” The thought is so endearing that you can’t help but hide your face.

“So how was your trip? Plenty of hot girls drooling after you?” Trick question of course, you know that for a fact already.

“Haha, it was good, fun. Bet you couldn’t sleep ‘coz you were trembling from jealousy.” Scoffing you land a smack on his chest. “But nah, no hot girls. Nowadays there’s only one hot girl in my eyes.”

Your own lips spread like a cheshire cat. “Shut up, cutie.”

“Rachel McAdams.”

“Let go of me. Don’t even touch me.”

.

A/N: Moral of the story, never sit on their couch if you’re a guest at the Heatwave house.

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24/08/20

© Copyright 2020

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@taexxxiiaa​ @shookpreme​ @taetaeobsessed @tangledsparkles @nonexistentfucks @evilkookie @nbiased95 @shimtatae @taehyungmakesmeoof @itscalledgayhoney @tahaing @yes-another-wannabe-hipster-blog @deliciouslydisturbed365 @getmemyfries @expensive-bangtan-girl @jwlmnbt @herakimkim @dnyad @kaepjjang365 @angelswrld @expensive-bangtan-girl @icyi-sky @gingerpeachtae @spring2787 @monixreal @askingtheimportantthingshere @casualminiaturetimemachine @xblackclover13x @vasysauce @deadinsidebitch2412 @emiyooa @i-dont-even-know-fck @chimycthulhu @gixanjos @hisunshiine @xtaeyi @softjellyjimin @bluemooncnblue @malfeitofeitto @bangtanfancamp @keopitae @out-of-jams @camilaxpolanco @d-noona @haechanspudu @dawnispeace @vante-visuals @liquanzhe222 @bangtanloverrrrr  @bs14401 @seokjoontae  @comingjimin @jeonsshadow @honeyspillings @taeshotteok @embrace-themagic @wataemelonz @ftvante @kth-jae @sintatae @lunarnovaa @reputae @imajinative @haosmull8 @sssaltyasian @brilliantlybasicb @devilsadvocater @ladyartemesia @btsglitter @besosalvolar @jayparkjustchokeme @johnnyseotolemyheart @bubblegumyuss @octo-donut @ftvante @gia-the-mermaid @miss-peys @fantasticallyabnormal @purplestar00paintblotch @taetaeismybaebae @jooachu @bringitseijoh @bboyseventeenn @lpayne612 @misohime @petuliii @slutdropjin @kyelamarie​

[octoariadneeeeexoxo]

Alois: HELP ME!!

Jaimie: Whats the matter?

Alois: i was trying to catch faybelles attention, now can you please move

————

Tay: MY CAT DIED TODAY 😭😭😭

Faybelle: Get a new one.

————

Alois: CUZ AFTER ALL THIS TIMEEEEE IM STILL INTO YOUUUU!!!

Alf: i am genuinely concerned for that child

Kay: dear thats yours

Alf: ours you mean

————

Dior: Ok who stole my sapphire bits?

Alois:

Tay:

Jaimie: …Faybelle?

Faybelle: *covered in glue and little cuts* I WAS TRYING TO MAKE A GEM MIRROR!

Dior, already looking at the mirror: im actually impressed

————

Damien: JANET GET OUT OF MY ROOM IM PLAYING MINECRAFT

Miguel: dont mind him janet he was in a bad mood bc a creeper destroyed his base

————

Tay: FUCK NEW ARTISTS, KPOP IS GODLY!

Li - Soo: agreed, now why were you blasting fancy at 4am?

————

*the 4 having a ‘who can draw their parents better’ challenge

*all of them show their drawings*

Alois: I think i made one eye bigger that the other

Jaimie: I was going for a feeling-

Tay: honestly i cant even draw a circle!

Me: … ok faybelle you just drew yourself

Faybelle: Uhh- i like me

————

Ro Byeok: Ok guys.. welcome back to my paranormal blog 117, today tay is probably falling in love with her sleep paralyses demon, i think theyre getting married-

Tay: *mumbling vows*

Ro Byeok: I think shes done

Tay: *leans in for a kiss and falls*

Ro Byeok: SHIT

————

Kaithlyn: I have a harder life than you!

Dior: No i have!!

Alois: Ametuers..

Kaithlyn: What did you say, punk?

Alois: *suffered loss, is clearly not ok and is dying from how much power her necklace holds and is being held gunpoint by death* AMETUERS !!!

————

Tay: psst

Alois: can you shut up im trying to sleep

Tay: if you were the biological child of a trans male and another male what if you were the result of mpreg?

Alois: *stays awake all night bc of that*

————

Seth: Uncle alf i have a question

Alf: yes?

Seth: did you actually draw furries in college??

Alf: who told you that?

Seth: dior

Alf: who told dior that?!?

Seth: mom

Alf: … SELLY COUNT YOUR DAYS………

[danisnotofire]

anyone wanna tell me when my brain will stop feeling like a scribbly soup so i can get my shit together again

[isa-ah]

Soooo being mentally ill and sleeping is fun, huh? Big same. I have a very strict bedtime I have imposed for myself which used to help, but now my awesome brain wakes me up at 2am! And I’m fully awake! Which is cool, I do a little activity to tire me out and then suddenly it’s 4am and that’s almost 5am and I get up at 6:30 anyway so why go back to sleep... so I tell myself I have time to sleep and then immediately get sucked down the YouTube rabbit hole and bam that’s a four hour sleep baybee!!

god i get it... no matter what time i go to bed i wake up around 6am and im just Awake for an hour for no reason and usually i can get back to sleep but like im a wuss so if i have like a belly ache or like last night my chronic pain was really bad i can't fall back asleep :-(

[succubusphan]

How I Met My Boyfriend (Horror) - Not clickbait

Summary: Phil senses something strange in the shower and comes out of that situation with a video Idea.

Tags: Smut, Needy Phil, Getting together, Au.

Rating: E

Word Count: 1.6k

A/n: This was written for the Im-PROMPT-u phandom creator challenge hosted by the @phandomreversebang Day 8: Horror + Not clickbait. Somewhat based on that Reese Witherspoon movie that I’m not going to google the name of. It’s 4am, don’t ask more of me.

Readon on ao3

Phil groaned as he made his way to the bathroom. 8 am was too fucking early - if he could just go back to bed and sleep a bit more, another 4 or 5 hours, that would be perfect, but sadly, he had to film a video and he was on crunch time.

He started the shower and waited until it was hot enough before he hopped in. Once under the spray, he felt himself relax a bit more, closing his eyes and rolling his shoulders in an attempt to loosen all of the kinks on his back and his neck. He looked at his pouting face in the mirror that was placed on the opposite wall. To be honest, he hated that mirror. ‘Why would anyone put a fucking mirror in the shower?’ His landlord was an idiot.

A cold drift filtered into the bathroom and moved the shower curtain but upon inspection, he realized that both the door and the window were tightly shut. He shook his head and proceeded to wash his hair with a frown.

As he lathered his hair, he closed his eyes and huffed, noticing that a particular part of his body refused to relax fully; in fact, the cold drift had made the problem worse.

He felt something, a cold sensation, as if an ice cube was making its way from his chest and slowly inching closer to his cock. He opened his eyes and shivered.

The mirror in front of him had a penis drawing and a question. ‘Yes?’

“Yes?” Phil frowned.

The cold sensation returned this time directly to the head of his cock. Phil gasped and choked on a moan.

The ‘Yes?’ in the mirror was now underlined.

Deciding that he was hallucinating or dreaming, Phil nodded rapidly. An orgasm was an orgasm, he wasn’t about to pass on that.

The feeling around his cock returned. Phil looked down and was mesmerized by the contrast of hot water and whatever was providing the cooling effect. He felt as if something had just wrapped around him and was trying to … suck him. He leaned back against the cool wall and let out high pitched moans as he pinched his nipples and let whatever was working on his cock go to town. After all, if it was some sort of demon, he would have to accept his fate. ‘Would it be so bad to get this sort of punishment on the daily?’ He thought not.

That was his last coherent thought before he was coming. Some of it hit the mirror; a new record. He blinked repeatedly as the dripping stain transformed into a heart. A heart, drawn with his come, on the fucking shower mirror.

That was enough for the day. He returned to bed, soaking wet and wrapped in 3 towels, and fell into a dreamless sleep.

--

As a Youtuber with a niche for the unknown, paranormal and overall weird, Phil considered making a video about the experience but it was way too explicit and the evidence was gone too. The mirror was clean when he checked. It was safe to assume it had been a dream caused by his frequent insomnia and the fact that he couldn’t really remember the last time he had had sex.

A few days went by without any strange happenings, so Phil took it as a confirmation to his theory. The only problem was that now being in the shower gave him a hard-on without fail.

About a week after the first incident, something happened again. He was in the shower and he saw another ‘Yes?’ in the mirror before the icy sensation ran down his skin.

“Yes,” Phil said breathlessly and saw himself smile in the mirror. He was going to enjoy whatever this was.

A bit more curious and awake than during the previous episode, he made sure to check certain details. He looked down to his cock and actually saw his foreskin moving up and down his shaft, as if he was touching it himself. He found that piece of information extremely weird and alarmingly hot. A particularly hard squeeze around the base caused him to moan loudly and close his eyes. The sensation increased in speed as if whatever entity was doing this to him was moving faster but then it was gone, just as it had come. The sensation, of course, he hadn’t come.

“What happened!?” Phil asked, looking around. He saw nothing until he checked the mirror.

There was a weird shape and another ‘Yes?’

Phil cocked his head trying to figure out what in the hell was this...being trying to ask. “Is that a fucking apple?”

‘No!’ Read the mirror. Another drawing appeared, it still kinda looked like an apple but it had a split in the middle… like a peach.

“A peach?”

‘Yes!?’

“I don’t get it!” Phil whined.

‘TURN’

‘Turn?’ Phil thought, ‘What for?’ Oh!

He turned around and placed his hands on the tiles, arching his back slightly and spreading his legs. The cooling sensation returned, but this time it was different. If he had to guess, he would have said it was a tongue. The tongue of someone who had just eaten ice or that had an ice cube in their mouth.

His eyes rolled to the back of his head as he felt the cold tongue make its way inside his ass. “Yesss!” He hissed. Fuck, if he could figure out how to make this happen on the regular he would never leave his apartment again. Phil kept moaning and panting as he moved his hips in a circle, but yet again the feeling was gone.

He looked over his shoulder but before he could voice any questions the sensation was back. Something was rubbing on his ass, but something else was pressed against his back. As if someone was standing behind him, someone just as tall as he was. He even felt something covering his hands, that almost felt like fingers. The feeling was still there but didn’t move. The realization soon hit Phil. It was waiting for him to consent.

“Yes, yes please,” he begged.

And just like that, the cold was inside him, all around him, pinning him to the wall and thrusting against his prostate. He was close, so close that he could almost taste it. “Deeper!” Phil demanded, and his wish was granted. He came all over the wall with a blinding pleasure. The next thing he knew was that he was sitting under the cold shower spray without any evidence of a fall.

--

Determined to get to the bottom of this, Phil grabbed a black light and examined his entire bathroom.

Whatever was jumping him in the shower liked to write notes here and there. ‘Pretty,’ read one the mirrors that he actually used to get ready, the one above the sink.

’Ass,’ said one on the wall he had leaned on last time. And ‘Daniel H,’ read one above his soap dispenser.

Phil wrote all the evidence down and went onto his office to conduct the research. Said research consisted of googling news reports on Daniel H. Nothing caught his mind except for the news on that accident that happened 3 weeks prior only around the corner.

“Daniel Howell, 29, was hit by a drunk taxi driver at 3 am. The security cameras show that the young man crossed the street looking at his phone and barely got time to look up before he was hit. His condition is bad but the doctors have said that surgery was successful. All the family and friends can do now is wait.”

Phil decided that he needed to know more about this man. He could be the one visiting him, or at least be connected to the story. But god, that face. Phil really hoped it was him and that he was still alive.

--

After a weird interview with a doctor, Phil was let into Daniel’s bedroom. He didn’t know why the doctor believed him, he didn’t have any proof of being part of the family, but he wasn’t about to start complaining.

He slipped inside as quietly as possible in case someone was in the bathroom but after further inspection, it seemed like he had managed to avoid running into the family. Phil traced Daniel’s fingers with his own - they were cold but they felt oddly familiar. Instinctively, Phil squeezed his hand and to his surprise, Daniel squeezed back.

“Hello?” Phil said, but Daniel didn’t move. He tried again, but this time without words. He pressed a chaste kiss to Daniel’s lips and promptly fell back onto the floor when the other’s eyes opened in a flash.

“You d-didn’t ask,” croaked Dan, but he smiled anyway.

--

“So, yeah guys. As luck may have it, the guy that was hit by a taxi around the corner turned out to be a sexy ghost and later became my boyfriend.”

Phil smiled at the person standing behind the camera, “Would you like to say hi?”

Daniel laughed but shook his head. “You can put a picture up of when my mom found you in my hospital room asking questions about the accident and kissing me like a creep.”

“Hey… I waited until she was gone to kiss you.”

“But did you wait until I was awake?”

“That’s confidential information! Edit it out!” Phil laughed and got up to chase Dan around the office. Recording the outro could wait.

[thotantics]

⚤   pairing — reader + Jung Hoseok

✎ word count — 3,445

✦ genre — smut,

✗ warnings  — graphic description of sex, humiliation, name calling, masturbation, voyeurism (brief), alcohol use, rough sex, overstimulation, unsafe sex (always use condoms!!)

[requested] @pia-love-hobi Prompt Jung Hoseok with A 3 and E 9. Plz! A3 = First Time & E9 = Humiliation

[A/N] oof this was one hell of a couple of prompts to put together and for the exact perfect person, imo!! to the person who requested this, im so sorry this sat in my inbox for so long but i really hope it came out well and, maybe, possibly, was worth the wait. i quite enjoyed this, personally :’)

You were finally going to tell him how you felt. For the entirety of your friendship with Hoseok, your feelings had been...a lot more than friendly. Something about him was fun and easy going but there was something more that kept you from telling him the truth for so long. Something deep inside of him that felt darker and it intimidated you into silence.

After a late night out partying with mutual friends, you ended up crashing at his place and in a drunken stupor, you decide tonight was going to be the night you would confess to him. You spent most of the night watching the way his face flushed the more alcohol was consumed, the way a song would come on in the club and Hoseok would immediately start bopping and vibing along to the beat. He was the life of the party, as always. Everyone around him felt his magnetism, but he always made sure you were near by.

Part of the appeal was that, somehow, he treated you special. You were worried maybe other people felt like that, too. Maybe that’s just the way he was with everyone? By the end of the night, you were the one sitting next to him on the couch when he nodded off asleep around 4am, one of his hands reaching out and clasping your thigh absentmindedly.

If only things could be as easy as they were when he was laughing and drunk and overly affectionate. You watch out of the corner of your eye as he dozes off asleep and decide it’s probably for both of your best interests if you go sleep alone in his unoccupied bed, bringing out a spare blanket and tossing it over him before you mumble, “Night, Hoseokie.”

Hours later, you’re tossing and turning restlessly in his bed, thoughts of when you should have confessed your feelings to him haunting your sleep. You recall the way he had smiled at you when he slung his arm over your shoulders and told you to just crash at his place for the night. The short walk in the cold autumn air until you made it to his apartment. The late night Netflix binge while you filled up with savory snacks when everything was still hazy from alcohol and dancing all night.

Speaking of which. The scent of him was entirely too pleasant to slip fully into REM cycle. Instead, you teeter on the edge of sleeping lightly and being entirely awake, your face buried in his pillow, your hands fisting in his sheets and drawing the blankets up higher around your body. It was almost like one of those hugs when he drapes himself over you, only minus the weight of him, which was sorely missed.

You find yourself picturing his weight and the warmth of him which is all too easily fantasized with his scent surrounding you in the plush confines of his bed, and before you’re fully aware of what your doing, your hand moves under you, caught between the mattress and your body, your legs parting, hips shifting back to give you room and then forward, rubbing your core, hot and needy, against your seeking fingers.

Your clothes had reeked of the club you had been at all night and whatever alcoholic beverage your friend group had been downing all evening, so you had robotically stripped down to your bra and panties before you climbed into Hoseok’s bed. It was easy for your fingers to find your clit through your panties, your hips bucking and grinding down against your hand. Mind hazy from exhaustion and maybe two or three too many shots, you slip your fingers around the side of your underwear and finger yourself in earnest, keeping your thighs splayed wide while you stay on your belly.

A rhythmic squeak of his bed frame as you hump down into the friction of your fingers stirs Hoseok awake on the couch. His eyes don’t want to open, but then he hears a muffled sound, a groan of pain, he thinks, and accompanied with that all too familiar creak of his bed, he eventually puts two and two together and his eyes fly open in a heartbeat. Taking in his surroundings, he realized you draped a blanket over him and he smiles fondly as he stands and makes his way towards his room.

Face buried in the pillows, you muffle a groan that sounds way too close to Hoseok’s name just as he rounds the corner and that’s when he sees you, fully submerged under his blankets, your ass lifting and grinding down hard, thighs trembling.

He freezes in the door frame, not sure what he expected to find but definitely not this. For half a second he thinks that he’s invading your privacy and he feels awful for lingering, but he can’t stop staring. He knows he should go but his body doesn’t move. Save for his cock stirring to life behind the zipper of his jeans. Hoseok can’t stop himself from calling out to you.

“Do you always do this when you sleep over?”

The fear that spikes into your chest spreads cold through your veins when you hear him, gasping in surprise, stilling entirely. You wish you could melt through his mattress and disappear forever but Hoseok is coming closer, expecting you to respond, but you have no idea what you could possibly say to redeem yourself.

He’s caught you masturbating and there’s no way out of it. No excuses to give. What were you supposed to do? Mind reeling with thoughts of how you could maybe, flee his apartment entirely, you can see in your peripheral that Hoseok is coming closer.

“Are you going to answer me?” He asks you after the tensest few moments of silence that you’ve ever suffered through. He’s standing right at the edge of the bed, now. You lower your eyes in shame, hiding your face in his pillow. You want to cry, you feel tears stinging your eyes and your throat is constricting but you’re barely breathing, unwilling to move a muscle.

“You’re such a stupid girl.” Hoseok sighs heavily. You’re so surprised by his statement that you peek out from your safe haven wrapped up in his blanket and buried into his pillow. Through the mess of your hair in your eyes, you can make out his waist, and you’re surprised to find him shirtless. He certainly wasn’t when you covered him up on the couch earlier in the night.

Your face burns with shame as you peek past your hair to get a better view of his tensed lower stomach. It’s while you’re eyeing up his abs that you finally realize he’s throbbing in his jeans, growing harder in the silence as you stare ashamedly over at him.

“Why would you play with yourself in my bed when I’m right here?” He asks you, and before you can even think about answering, he asks, completely exasperated, “Why wouldn’t you just let me fuck you, if you’re this needy? Don’t you know anything?”

You turn your face back fully into his pillow, the tears burning your eyes spilling out and wetting the pillowcase under you, mumbling under your breath, “Mhff shry..”

“What was that?” He asks, and before you can speak up, he whips the blanket off of you, baring your exposed back half to the chilled air in his bedroom. You twitch and every muscle in your body freezes still as he barks a command at you, “Speak up!”

“I’m sorry!” You blurt out, “Fuck, I’m sorry, Hoseokie, ok, p-please..”

“That’s right,” His voice drops an octave lower, huskier now he tells you, “Say ‘please fuck me, Hoseokie’.”

Your breath hitches in your throat, and despite the shame burning your face you feel the tightening of desire in your lower belly, and you’re acutely aware of the stickiness coating your panties growing colder since he removed the blanket.

“Tell me.” Hoseok says, and you hear his voice just barely masking the sound of his belt buckle and the drag of his zipper down the front of his jeans, “I know. I’ve been waiting to see what would come of it. I didn’t expect this.” He chuckles, “You didn’t have to do it this way...unless this is what you wanted?”

No, definitely not. If you had been able to go about this the way you wanted, you would’ve been brave enough much earlier in the night to tell Hoseok that you wanted him. Or, hell, months ago you would’ve brought it to his attention, or better yet he would have said something to you all on his own accord. But no. This wasn’t supposed to happen this way.

“Maybe you like being caught, is that it?” Hoseok continues, and you hear his jeans hit the floor and feel the bed dip as he climbs over your back. He straddles the back of your thighs, so his erection tucks heavily under the backside of your ass when he leans forward over you, his hands sweeping your mess of hair out of his way, his mouth at your ear, “Does it turn you on to know you’re doing something bad? That you could get caught? Are you this much of a slut, that you wanted me to find you in my bed like this and fuck you before I even have to ask you out on a date?”

You turn your face to meet his eyes for the first time since he found you, looking back over your shoulder while he leans down and wordlessly, you let him kiss your mouth. It’s a tender meeting of the lips, brief before he groans and dips in further with his tongue, pressing up hard against your back, his cock settling into the crack of your ass cheeks and throbbing heavily against you. He grunts softly, teeth biting at your bottom lip.

“Tell me,” He whispers to you. “Say it.”

You swallow past a lump in your throat, eyes on his, his lids shut softly as he presses you more firmly into the mattress, “Please fuck me, Hoseokie.”

He sits back with a satisfied hum, pleased that you’re compliant enough in this moment to give your consent. He’s waited a long time to hear those words from you, patiently enjoying your friendship and doing everything he can to make you feel comfortable enough with him. Countless sleepovers were inevitably going to lead to this, at least he hoped so, but he had no idea it would come to this and clearly, you didn’t either. But as long as you wanted it as badly as him, he wasn’t going to deny either of you any longer.

His hands smooth down your bare back, gripping your waist, his fingers toy with the waistband of your panties, stuffing his erection up against the softness of your ass, feeling you shiver under him.

“That’s all you had to do, baby..” He murmurs, yanking down the back of your panties so the band sits where your ass meets the back of your thighs, pushing your bare cheeks up invitingly, his hands kneading the mounds of flesh eagerly. “All you had to do was say something and I would’ve been yours all along, you know that right?”

You swallow, head spinning with sensation. His dick grinding into the back of your leg now, hot and heavy, your pussy throbbing with need, his fingers digging into the muscles of your buttocks feels so nice, relieving tension you didn’t even know you’d been carrying. All the while the words on his lips make you blush deeply with the slightest bit of regret. Was it really that easy all this time? He’s clearly excited by the prospect alone, evident by the way his bare cock is leaking onto your heated, flushed skin.

“Now look at you...hiding in my bed in the middle of the night, touching yourself, moaning my name like such a dirty little slut. What were you thinking about?”

Shame grips your throat tightly and you’re unable to form audible sounds at all, let alone a coherent sentence. In truth, you hadn’t been thinking anything specific. Just about him. His weight on you, his warmth, his touch, his scent...you had been consumed by want and desire and foolishly let yourself get carried away.

“Tell me, baby.” Hoseok encourages you, shifting down your body, kissing a wet path down the middle of your spine, his teeth nipping in sharply when he reaches the swell of your ass. “What was making you so needy?”

You can’t answer because he bites at you again, making you gasp and twitch, and though it’s a simple response, you’re unable to formulate it with his mouth and his teeth lavishing your cheeks with kisses and bites. All you can do is twitch and jerk under him, squeaking and gasping into his pillow.

Hoseok humors you, since you’re so responsive to him already, spreading your cheeks open wide to get a good look, groaning when he sees your sex glistening and swollen deep between your thighs. He presses on your lower back, arching you, exposing your sex more, tongue diving in. He buries his mouth against your flesh, tongue probing easily at the source of your wetness. He tastes you briefly, a tease for both of you before he groans and latches onto your cheek, biting an angry hickey into your sensitive skin, slapping your opposite cheek when you squirm too hard under him and make him unlatch from your skin.

“Fuck, you love this, don’t you?” Hoseok pants, admiring the hickey on your left cheek, his fingers spreading you open so he can see your puckered hole and your drooling pussy. “You’re so fucking wet.”

His tongue is on you again, lapping at your drenched entrance like a man starved. You moan, and he slaps at your bitten ass, reminding you in a clipped, tight tone, “I asked you what made you this needy. You gonna answer me?”

“Unnf, you did.” You tell him, lifting your face so he can hear you clearly, not wanting to muffle your words with the pillow. “I want you so bad, Hoseokie, please...”

“You’re so fucking wet already.” He groans, sliding two fingers easily into your cunt. “You could take my cock right now, couldn’t you? Do you want it?”

“Yes!” You whimper, hips lifting back so he can reach deeper inside of you. “F-fucking, just fuck me!”

There’s a moment of adjustment, brief as he hurries to readjust his position and then you feel him, hot and hard, nudging your cheeks apart to reach your cunt from the back. You’re still flat on your stomach, legs under him as he slips his cock inside with a low grunt.

“God, your dirty pussy swallowed me right up, baby.” He mumbles, “You fucking love this, don’t you?” He chuckles, his hips working against you now, snapping and shooting you up the bed into the headboard. Your hands fly out to stop you from banging your head. Hoseok’s hands press down on the middle of your shoulder blades, keeping your face pressed tight into the pillows to muffle the strangled moans you’re emitting.

“So wet.” He grunts, “Squeezing my dick so tight...fuck, your pussy’s drooling all over me, you fucking slut.”

Your face is burning with shame, breath coming out in short, pained gasps as he hits your g-spot over and over again in this position, the wet suction sound as your cunt clamps down around him and Hoseok fucks into you relentlessly echoing around the room. His hand moves to your lower back, pressing firmly, then he grasps your cheeks, molding you against him, arching your ass up into the air so he can fuck into you even deeper. You find yourself begging him, stuttered, strangled pleas muffled into the pillow as you sob, bucking back hard into him.

“Please! Augh, oh god, oh god, please! Ple-!”

Hoseok slips out of you and flips you over onto your back before you can take in a lung full of air and then his tongue in on your swollen, well fucked folds. He licks you deep and slow, a sharp contrast from the harsh way he had fucked you. He’s tonguing at your pussy with the utmost care, moaning as he suckles at your sensitive bundle of nerves, slurping down the taste that flows from your clenching hole.

He doesn’t stop until your thighs are shaking. When your body stiffens and legs tremble, he rockets back up into position over you and enters you again with one slick thrust. Your fingers dig into his biceps, legs falling open, feet dangling helplessly as your mouth falls open in a silent cry, finally locking eyes with him for the first time since he entered you.

“Cum for me.” Hoseok tells you, but it’s not as much a command as a coaxing, desperate statement of need. You do as he wants, creaming and crying out as he fucks you over the edge.

He stops briefly right after to drag you by the thighs higher into his lap, splaying you wide open, feet resting on his pecs with your knees kicked wide open. His fingers find your clit easily and he rubs insistently, cock still buried in you but not moving an inch.

You twitch and squirm against his touch but Hoseok doesn’t stop. He stares into your eyes, fingers hurried and practiced as he rubs insistent circles around your clit. He has you coming again just moments later, a silent scream etched on your features as you thrash under him, feet pushing him away, back arching up off of the mattress.

Hoseok draws it out for what feels like forever. He’s still circling your clit with slower motions as you begin to come down, your body shivering as tears welling in your eyes from the overstimulation. He bends over you, breath fanning across your cheek, and kisses you sweetly on the forehead as he starts to fuck you slowly once more.

“You wanted this so bad, didn’t you?” His voice is as softer now as his touch, featherlight and tender as he murmurs down do you, his hips moving in a circular motion, keeping you teetering on the edge of insanity. “You’re soaking me with your cum. I can feel you throbbing...does it ache? Hm?” He sways his hips upward in a sharp stroke that hits deep, and you gasp, “Can you feel me in your belly? Do you want more?”

You nod wordlessly, keening and moaning in response, humming and simpering. Hoseok strokes your hair out of your face as you thrash still under him, leaning down and kissing you sweetly.

“I’ve always loved you. Didn’t you know that? I tried to show you how special you are to me. Maybe I should try a little harder..” He muses, smiling gently before planting another sweet kiss to your lips. He cradles you to his chest, leaning over you entirely down, face buried in your hair.

It’s a welcome and appreciated gesture after how this whole thing started, and you cling onto him desperately as he slowly and gently builds up his pace. You murmur against his sweat slicked skin that you you love him, too.

You tell him, “I should have said something sooner...I shouldn’t have-”

“Ssh,” Hoseok urges you, “Come here.” He guides you until you’ve changed positions again, this time laying under you while he pulls you over his lap, guiding his cock right back inside. He tugs you over him, controlling the pace from under you as he bucks up gently into your well-used cunt.

“I’m glad it happened like this. We can skip the bullshit and just...enjoy each other.” He smiles, sweeping a kiss across your lips as he cradles your face in his hands. “Can you handle a little more?”

“I-I think so..” You bite your lip down at him.

The bed is protesting noisily as he fucks you from his position on his back, feet planted firmly into the mattress. He toys with your breasts and keeps you down, pressed tight against him so he can smother himself in the swell of your cleavage, mouthing across each nipple and moaning with your tits in his mouth.

Like this, he gets himself off, and though it feels amazing, you’re entirely spent and absolutely sure that if he waited hours, days even, there was no way you could possibly cum again. You tell him as much as he cleans you up, and Hoseok, head already between your thighs, glances back up at you with a quirk of his eyebrow.

“Oh, really?”

[lovetorn]

camping [colby brock]

for @sp00kybrock :)

When Colby asked if you wanted to go camping, you were hesitant. It was such an out-of-the-blue question, but he looked keen and you couldn’t turn him down.

“where did this come from?” you had asked him at 2am when you two were on the brink of sleep.

“I want to get away with my girl and show her my phenomenal boy scout skills” He mumbled, half asleep. All you did was laugh and pat his cheek, nodding.

“Okay loser” You whispered, too tired to move your hand off his face.

-

“You got the snacks?” Colby asked you, attempting to stuff another pillow in the trunk.

“Yeah baby, the whole stash” you giggled, opening the packet of beef jerky. As he closed the trunk, the car shook, and he hopped in the front seat, closing the door.

“Shall we go?” He questioned happily, grabbing a piece of beef jerky and putting it in his mouth, starting the car. You only smiled at him as he reversed out of the car spot, putting your fist out for him to bump. His fist bounced off yours as you plugged the AUX into your phone, pressing shuffle on Spotify.

-

As the two of you pull up to the campsite, there was a stray doe standing next to the bench. You lock eyes with Colby,

“uh- it's fine, they probably won’t be near our tent” Colby claimed unsurely, squeezing your hand reassuringly, although you didn’t take any of his bullshit.

“Colby, I swear to god” you warned, opening the door and getting out, the crisp air hitting your face. You shivered and noticed Colby wearing a hoodie, you not.

“Fuck its cold” you complained, grabbing your bag from the backseat. Colby didn’t reply, gathering the supplies from the back of the car.

“This is the part where you give me your hoodie, boyfriend” you rolled your eyes, closing the back door and meeting Colby at the back.

“But I’m cold, girlfriend” he winked, shutting the trunk and trying to balance the tent, chairs, food, pillows and blankets in his arms. You rolled your eyes once again and took the chairs off him.

“Thanks, baby” he grinned, puckering his lips dramatically. You sighed, jokingly, and leaned in to kiss his mouth. He pulled away abruptly and locked the car, leading you to where you would be spending the next 15 hours.

“This doesn’t make any fucking sense!” You yell, throwing the tent poles on the ground. Colby laughed, his side of the tent finished. He stumbled over to you, picking up the poles.

“Here baby, this is where my boy scout skills come in handy” he winked, going through the steps with you, even though you weren’t listening.

Once the tent was pitched, by Colby, he took your hand,

“Let’s go exploring” He suggested, an evil twinkle in his eye. You squinted at him before nodding willingly.  

-

The exploring part was quite an adventure. Colby continually ran ahead to try and scare you and would attempt to climb large trees. You tried to follow him up one tree but kept slipping, whilst Colby sat at the top laughing at you.

“Cole stop laughing at me” you pouted, “I’m going back to camp” you teased, hearing Colby hurriedly make his way back down the branches.

“Baby, baby, wait” but you were already halfway back. Once you were out of his sight, you hid behind a thick trunk, snickering to yourself.

“Y/N?” he yelled, walking quickly down the path you went came from. Once he was close enough, you sprung out and Colby was left staggering back, hand on his heart.

“Fuck!” he hunched over to regain his breath while you were doing to same but for the opposite reason. You couldn’t stop laughing, every time you closed your eyes you saw his face in shock. You leaned backwards, tears falling from the corners of your eyes. Colby also started to giggle, seeing how pleased you were with yourself. It was cute.

-

Once you got back from the campsite trails, it was getting dark and Colby suggested he start a fire. You reluctantly agreed, thinking he was gonna pull out his lighter and burn some leaves. But you were terribly wrong. This boy made a circle of rocks and filled it with sticks and leaves, trying his hardest to start a fire by causing friction between two sticks. You decided to opt out of this one, lounging on a camp chair, covered with blankets and Colby's hoodie in which he removed because ‘creating fire is hard’, and boy was he right. You had been sitting in the same chair for an hour now, Colby’s forehead was covered in sweat as he tried for the millionth time to create a spark. You looked at your surroundings, it was dark now, so dark you couldn’t see 10 metres in front of you without some form of light.

Colby then screamed, a small flame present at the bottom of the pit he made.

“YES!” he exclaimed, beyond ecstatic he had finally made fire. He ran around the fire in happiness, picking you up from the camp chair and continued running. He had a smile spread across his face, his dimples deeper than ever. He put you down and pointed at the fire, “Baby! Look!” He laughed in astonishment, you nodded, a smile also gracing your face.

“I’m so proud of you bub” You squished his cheek as he sighed loudly, before plopping in the chair, pulling you on top of him.

“What do you say? Let’s make smores!!” He bellowed, throwing his arm beside the chair into the bag of food, pulling out biscuits, chocolate and marshmallows.

Once the smores were made, Colby had gotten the extra chair, claiming that ‘its easier to make smores on a flat surface’ to which you rolled your eyes to, ‘I still love you though’.

-

As cliché as it sounded, it was around 10:30pm when the two of you decided to lay on the picnic blanket you brought and watch the stars. The trees rustled above you, a bitter wind blowing through your site. Colby laid his head on your chest, arms around your waist as you run your fingertips through his blue locks. He interrupted the silence with,

“Do you think they can deliver pizza in the middle of the woods babe?”.

After a while of silence, Colby felt the urge to tell you about his childhood.

“Can I tell you about boy scouts when I was little?” to which you whispered a soft ‘yeah’. He then went on to tell you amusing stories from when he used to camp and learn skills with his friends.

“And I remember when I was trying to get my Eagle Scout Award for Knots-“ he stopped mid-sentence, freezing up.

“Yeah, continue” you urged him to resume, but he didn’t, he laid there, arms tightly wrapped around your frame.

“Y/N don’t freak out” Your eyes widened, “Why?” You shuddered, lifting your head. You could see now why he froze. On your leg, sat a large, furry spider. You screamed loudly, jumping up from Colby and the blanket, running around the fire to the other side, him not far behind you.

“Kill it!” he trembled, you looked at him stunned, “IM NOT KILLING IT. YOU’RE THE BOYSCOUT BROCK YOU KILL IT”. His eyes widened as he made his way around the fire, shoe in hand. He screamed once again when he couldn’t see it anymore.

“If it crawls on me in the middle of the night, you’re killing it” He warned, grabbing your hand and pulling you into the tent.

-

It was about 1am when you awoke from how cold you were. Colby laid on the opposite side of the tent, in his own sleeping bag. You didn’t necessarily want to wake him, but, desperate times call for desperate measures.

“Cole” you whispered, shifting across the tent in an attempt to get closer. “Colby,” You said louder, patting his cheek softly. The only way he would wake up was if he felt the cold like you did. So, without waking him up, you unzipped his sleeping bag and slipped in next to him. He turned over in the cramped space and faced you, eyes scrunched.

“Hi” he mumbled, throwing his arm over you and snuggling his face into your neck. Finally warm, you fell back into slumber, Colby slightly drooling on your collarbone, but you ignored that the best you could.

-

The next time you woke up, it was 4am and you cursed yourself for drinking that whole bottle of water before you slept. Shaking Colby awake, you felt bad when he turned over worried.

“What’s wrong” He croaked, voice full of sleep.

“Can you come pee with me?” You whispered as he sighed, nodding. The two of you got up lazily, pulling on hoodies and putting shoes on. You pulled him out of the tent and into the cold air.

“Oh Jesus” he muttered, as soon as you were out of the tent. It was pitch black, and cold, and you knew you couldn’t get lost. Picking up the lone flashlight, you latched onto Colby’s arm, trying to find the toilets at the campsite. You nearly tripped over a few tree roots, but it was worth it when you saw the dingy lights of the toilet block. You ran from where you were, making it in time, “I’ll wait here”.

-

The morning after your adventurous journeys, you two were knackered, to say the least. Colby hastily threw the camp chairs in the trunk and yours and his bags into the backseat.

“Cole pack the car nicely so it’s easier to unpack when we get home” you scolded. You wanted nothing more than to do the same and throw all your shit into the car, but you knew when you got home you would’ve probably cried from the unorganisation. He rubbed his eyes, huffing and putting the bags and supplies in the car in order instead of messily.

When you finally got into the car and started to leave, your eyes were heavy. You curled up to your pillow that leant against the door and sleep overcame you.

Colby looked over at you after half an hour of driving. He smiled as he saw you in your position, softly singing the words to his favourite songs, being careful not the wake you.  

[cardboardboxcomplex]

ok since i’m awake and useless, might as well

it’s 4AM on a monday at this point and i do *not* want to go to work. but i have to hhrghshfd HAAAAAA ok breathe . i skipped last week’s shift that i was supposed to go to the lab. i completely disappeared for the *third* time during my two-week wfh shift before that. when we were supposed to do the third quarter report, and the proposal. which are the hardest reports to do, bc they’ll be the basis for renewal next year. but i just ... disappeared again and did not open my emails or messages. again. after i did that twice before. and i had to go through the process of like apologizing to everyone for my absence, and i even decided to tell everyone that i have depression cos i dont know how to explain it ! why am i like this ! and i know it’s not an excuse, and i told them that too. but i just hate everything . okay i think im getting to word dump now. how many times am i going to be so incapable and incompetent? i hate myself so much cos my brain is so fried and i dont want to deal with anything . when was the last time i actually thought deeply or whatever or like read a journal article. and i dont even know what im supposed to be doing anymore.  i feel so sad. oh im crying ok. like im thinking of myself and how do i go on with life, what am i supposed to be doing, what kind of path should i be making. i hate this because i lost years of my life and i keep losing more time. and omfg right the paper. man i didnt even reply to sir’s emails either, and i know ate yana and josh had talked and i was supposed to be there too because im supposed to be the main one to finish her thesis for publication, and it’s already been a year? since she left the lab. had i done anything? i did not

and tomorrow is nov 10, and im supposed to do thesis updates ......... how the fuck am i gonna do that. and i had already missed the first time i was scheduled, bc well the same thing happening now. i was wfh (supposedly) and ate isay had to say my internet connection isnt stable. which wasnt a lie, but it was bc i didn’t do anything. i dont know what im supposed to come up with tomorrow. or if i can postpone it again. SEE THIS IS EXACTLY IT HOW MANY TIMES AM I GONG TO BE INCAPABLE AND INCOMPETENT

i dont know like im scared of being in the lab too and all i wanna do is stay in my room 

but you know what i dont even like my room. i miss my old room, i miss all my books, i miss all the memories i left there as in the physical things i’ve kept because i keep everything. full on bawling now. i miss having everything i’ve kept near me, with me. i miss my desk, i miss having one. and i hate my room because i haven’t cleaned my room in MONTHS. idk since march, since quarantine started? i can barely see the floor and i have to walk around all the bags with all stuff thrown in them. and honestly im just desensitizing (?) myself bc if i think too much if i look too closely im gonna throw up and i hate it i hate it . on that note i’ve been thinking i might in a constant state of dissociation, or at least a shallow one? i never thought i really dissociated bc i didnt really get the feeling of being apart from your body. but because it’s been going on for so long it didn’t even register to me that i’m dissociating because it feels normal or the baseline. and my memory recall is so bad, i don’t remember what happened the previous day. why? because i’m not even doing anything. or idk. also my attention span is non-existent. but the memory thing bothers me because i dont even know if i remember things from before before, in the past, not recently

before i forgot about the room, i was supposed to have pest control last oct 20? and it was scheduled like first week of october so i knew it was coming. but did i clean my room? in those weeks between? i didnt. i’d been putting it off exactly because my room is a mess and id ont want anyone to come in like this. so i had to postpone that too, and the next one is tomorrow. did i clean my room since then? no. what have i been doing? i dont know either. literally rotting away. and i feel so bad cos i m not even doing anything. i dont even know what. i cant get myself to do anything

what if someone helps me clean? i don’t want anyone to help me clean because i dont want anyone to see my room. ate isay was supposed to help me on that sunday or monday before oct 20 but the plan was i was going to start cleaning saturday so at least if she comes up to help, it wouldnt be so disgusting. but yeah i did not clean. and now it’s november. you know the last time i ironed my clothes? september. last year. september 1, 2019. i remember because that was jungkook’s birthday, but also i was ironing when i got the messages from someone when they were leaving me and didnt want (?) to be friends with me anymore. and that broke me really bad. but not the point rn. 

i dont know what else im thinking. oh i miss my friends. kosestream, if you’re reading this, yes i’m thinking of you too, and i’m really sorry. im so sorry ive kept disappearing on you guys for months. i’ve missed you and so many parts of your life, and im really really i wasnt there. and bc i don’t talk with you often, and with my awful memory, i also forget what’s been going on and it makes me feel awful because like i miss all these things about you? i always thought that i had kept tabs on everyone well, paying attention to what you’re doing, ask how things are with you, and now i dont. and im sorry. i always miss you so much, and i love you, and i dont know if that still means anything to you, but it’s still there. so thank you for inviting me to play among us, i liked hearing your voices. and i know you were worried about me (if im wrong this is embarrassing please ignore this) and were trying to cheer me up / offering your support/presence/love/shoulder/hug idk. so thank you. it meant a lot to me (but im sorry my internet was awful. honestly that stressed me out so much and i was gonna give up because i felt annoying and like a huge bother) but okay thank you 

and it’s the same with irl friends, missing things. i thought of it once as everything passing (by) me. like when neos had left for germany, i wasnt there. why? because i was rotting away at home doing nothing. i didnt even get to say goodbye. and just the same with everyone, i havent been talking with anyone. there are so many messages i’ve gotten i haven’t (didn’t) replied to, and it’s like god how are they. 

what else. ah there’s another thing i’ve thought of. but idk i’ll write that next time 

it’s monday, and it’s almost 5am now, i’m supposed to go to work. i have to text ate isay if she’s gonna pass by and pick me up. but i havent slept because i completely fucked up my sleeping schedule. and my room is still a mess. no i did not even try cleaning it even though i had been thinking about it literally every single day. should i just not sleep or should i try getting like an hour of sleep , and hope i wake up (actually, would love to not wake up, ever)

09 Nov 2020, M, 05:02 BTS – Butterfly (Alternative Mix) 

[mmmhowaboutno]

ive barely talked about this to anyone, i thought i got over it but you dont just get over stuff like this. i just wanna write it somewhere. a few days ago was august 3rd. three years ago on that day i was drugged and sexually assaulted in my own home by someone who i thought was my friend. i was friends with him for five years prior, so it came as a shock to me when this happened, not just because of what happened but because i realized trusting people is something i may do too easily. 

my parents went away for the weekend with my brother, and my “friend” was in town, so i thought i would invite him over so we could drink and play video games. we had been planning to hang out for a while and i thought it was just a chill thing to do with someone youve been friends with for so long. i still think that. i had two shots of vodka and after that started to feel more drunk than normal. i remember him constantly stuffing his water bottle in my face telling me to drink. at first he casually asked if i just wanted some water, so i didnt think anything of it. when things started getting fuzzy he would say “drink this, its just water, youre so drunk youll feel better.” he never drank from it though. guess where the drugs were. 

i remember bits and pieces of what happened and the stuff he did to me. i remember “across the universe” was playing in the background as i drifted in and out of consciousness. i wanted to watch that movie since high school and always put it off, but now ill never be able to watch it. i remember that while i was on the floor and couldnt move or speak he would make me drink water and tell me that i would feel better soon, all while he was rubbing my thighs or reaching up my shorts. i remember being unconscious for a long time, and when i woke up, he was in the bathroom. i could barely hold up my phone, but i called my boyfriend first. it was 4am for him and his phone was on silent, but he said that he woke up right as i was calling for some reason, like he felt something bad was happening. i couldnt talk. its like i was in one of those dreams where you try to run away but cant, except i couldnt get words out of my mouth at all. all i managed to say was “drugged me.” my boyfriend told me to call the police, so i did. 

when he came out of the bathroom, he acted like everything was normal. i can still see and hear him standing over me and asking “you okay?” while i was drooling on the floor and couldnt lift my head from the drugs that he gave me. i cant remember what happened until the police came. i only remember the knocking at the door and them telling me to open it. the knocking was so fucking loud. he kept looking at me and asking why i called the police, to which i couldnt answer anything. he started panicking and went in and out of the rooms upstairs in my house. he didnt answer the door, and they kept knocking. i somehow managed to get up, tripped and crawled down half of the stairs, and opened the door for them. i remember my dog barking and an officer placing me on a stretcher and so many questions being tossed around. they asked me how old i was and had me call my boyfriend so they could talk to him. they asked my “friend” if he knew that i had a boyfriend, like that would make a difference in him wanting to drug me or being responsible for it. 

he told the officers that i had had a lot to drink before he got to my house, that i was already drunk off my ass before he got there. they let him go. i told them where the drugs were. i pointed at the water bottle that was in his hand and i told them that the drugs were there, in whatever broken words i could get out, and they let him leave. they didnt test the water bottle for anything or look around my house or ask me if i was okay. they didnt ask what he did to me or even ask if he did anything, they just let him leave and took me to the hospital. they didnt even question the fact that he was buying a minor alcohol, they just let him fucking leave. 

when i was at the hospital, they tested me for my alcohol levels, which they said were normal. so there was physical evidence that i was not, in fact, drunk, like he said. when i started to come to after waiting at the hospital for hours, i told the doctors where the drugs were. i told them to test the water bottle, i begged and pleaded for them to get in touch with police and tell them that i didnt have any alcohol in my system, that it was drugs that he had given me. there was fucking proof, but they didnt do anything.

they asked me if i wanted to call my mom, and i almost did, but then i remembered that it was her birthday. so, i spent those three hours alone in the room thinking about all the reasons i was a fuck up and how this was all my fault. no one seemed to believe me, so maybe i did make it all up and i was actually drunk. but no, there wasnt any alcohol in my system. i only had two shots. after a while, the doctors told me i could go home. i was confused because i didnt have a way to get home, so they told me get an uber or something. they didnt really care at this point. i called an uber, and went outside to meet the car. once my feet hit the ground outside i realized that i didnt have any shoes on. i dont know why but i thought it was strange. i kinda hyper-focused on that as i waited for the uber. everything around me was so loud. all of a sudden, a young-ish nurse came outside and stood next to me. he said he would wait with me. i saw him pass my room a couple times while i cried silently for those few hours i was in the hospital. he stood outside with me and walked me to my uber, asked the uber driver for his name and number, and told me i would be okay. i remember what he looked like and ill genuinely never forget him. he made me feel safe just by doing that little thing, i knew i could trust him when i didnt even trust myself in that moment. 

the car ride home felt like it took forever. i was scared of the uber driver and the road and the fact that it was dark outside and most of all of what my mom would think and say when i finally told her what happened. i got home and walked up to my house to see that the main lights were on. my dog was waiting for me on the stairs and ran up to me as i walked inside. he kept licking me and didnt leave my side, but after a while of my dog being attentive and moving around, i realized how quiet it was inside my house. his car wasnt outside anymore, so i knew he had left, but this sudden wave of inexplicable fear washed over me. i started very anxiously searching every room, looking behind doors and in cabinets for some stupid fucking reason. i looked under every bed and turned on every light in my house. i dont know why but i thought he would still be there, waiting for me. i was looking for any trace of him still being in the house and waiting to do it to me all over again. i went upstairs and looked in my brothers closet only to find the vodka that my “friend” had brought for us to drink hidden in a corner. in the room next to mine was the bag with the receipt for the vodka that he bought. in the room where it all happened was the pizza we had gotten to eat and the cushions that he put under my head when i kept flopping over and drooling. that room was like a war zone to me. i couldnt look at it or be in it, i couldnt for almost a year. there were remnants of what happened all over my house and i felt like i couldnt escape it. it happened in the place where i was supposed to feel the most safe, and now i felt trapped in it.

i went into my room and got into bed with my dog. it was 4am, i couldnt sleep, and i didnt know what to do. every noise made me jump. every noise outside made me peek through the blinds to make sure that it wasnt his car pulling back up to my house. i found myself more awake than exhausted, as i should have been. im sure he slept fine that night. im sure he was okay and that he went home knowing that i was in the hospital and my mind was going 1000 miles an hour trying to remember every little detail of what happened so i could convince the cops that he had drugged me. because evidence wasnt enough. words werent enough for them to even try to dig into the fact that maybe i was possibly telling the truth. the cops didnt care, the doctors didnt care. they let him go. 

i dont know why i decided to write about this now, because for the most part, im “over it.” i do still think about what happened occasionally. it keeps me up at night sometimes, but not as much as in the first year after it happened. what i think about the most is the fact that no one believed me. i wasnt drugged and sexually assaulted and then reported it a few days later. the cops came and picked me up in the house where it all happened. they stood next to the person that did it. they looked him in the eye and they looked at the water bottle with drugs in it and at me barely conscious and unable to speak. they let him go. so unfortunately it doesnt surprise me when no one fucking cares if someone remembers and speaks out about their trauma years later because thats the moment they feel comfortable enough to finally talk about it. if cops didnt care in the very moment it was happening to me, it doesnt surprise me that they dont care at all. ever. 

he never tried to text or reach out to me again. why would he? i blocked him the next day anyway and i havent heard anything since. ive been silently dealing with it by myself for years. i went to a therapist about it. she told me that it was my fault for inviting him over in the first place. thats what my parents told me too. 

and the thing is, im not even the “worst” of it at all. this happens all the fucking time. theres very substantial evidence and cops and doctors will stare at it and think about how much work itll be going through the motions to do their fucking jobs and protect the people being assaulted. its too much work for them, but not for the person having trouble falling asleep every night for years because all they can think about is the moment they were unable to protect themselves and were taken advantage of. i always compare what happened to me to what happened to other people. i think less of it because so much worse has happened to other people. i wasnt raped, people are every day but i wasnt. it could have been worse, and ive always pushed the whole thing out of my mind because of that, but i dont think i should. i dont think it wasnt a big deal, and i dont think it will ever be not a big deal. i think that this shit happened to me and happens to people every day and no one fucking cares because its too much work for them to care. this isnt a metoo post, i just needed to put it into writing somewhere because im tired of keeping it inside. i dont want pity, i never have, i think a lot of people think that when something like this happens and someone speaks out about it that thats what they want. i just wanna say it. sometimes its just fucking good to say it. so for the people who do think that i want pity or that dont believe me or that support cops or that dont think this was a big deal: fuck you and have a horrible day.

thats it sorry

[xxgoblin-dumplingxx]

Perspective: Ten

Bruce stared blankly at the screen at the front of the room. This meeting had gone on forever and he felt like his brain had started to liquefy. Steve and Tony were taking turns droning on and he was ready to strangle Clint if the archer didn’t stop asking inane questions. 

He caught Natasha’s eye and the spy rolled her eyes dramatically before turning to flip a rubber band at Clint. Bruce knew that it wasn’t just the staff meeting. He missed you. He’d gotten used to being around you all the time but, now that you were drowning in work, it felt like ages since he’d done more than text you. 

It worried him, if he was honest. It didn’t take him long to learn that you dealt with all your trauma by not dealing with it. You buried it all in distractions and ignored all the warning lights. That was your superpower. Compartmentalizing at the speed of sound.  

When his phone buzzed quietly, he tapped the screen and smirked to himself. You’d sent him a picture. A screenshot of a tweet, apparently

“Christ,” he murmured, chuckling to himself. “Bruce, look at Nudes on your own time,” Tony said, sipping coffee. “It’s not, it’s a tweet,” Bruce protested. “Speaking of nudes,” Natasha says, pouncing on the opportunity to derail the meeting, “When are we gonna meet this girl, Banner?”

“Tony has met her,” Bruce reminded. “Yeah,” Clint said, “But I wanna meet her. I wanna know what she’d diagnose me with.” Bruce sighed, “If it’ll get this meeting over with I’ll text her and see if she can come out tonight for a minute but... It’s getting up on the end of term.” Tony winced, “Yeah, I don’t miss those days.” Bruce sighed, “Yeah. She’s worn the fuck out by the time she gets home.”

He pulls out his phone anyway and pulls up his text conversation with you.

Hey, baby?

It takes a few minutes but you text him back.

Hey handsome! You okay?

Fine, sweetheart. Everythings fine. Do you have time to go out tonight? Everyone really wants to meet you.

Bruce is dimly aware of the meeting flowing around him. He can see you smiling a little and his heart warms.

Just as long as no one minds if I’m scruffy looking. And on call.

Bruce smiles. He doesn’t care if you're “scruffy” or on call. As long as he can see you on more than a video chat. 

No one is going to mind, Y/N. We’ve all seen bad days.

Then I’ll be there. I miss you.

I miss you too, baby.

Gotta go. Class.

___________

When you walked into the bar, you looked like you’d had a day. Your jeans were torn and your hoodie was old. Clearly at some point during the day, you’d had a change of clothes. Usually your work clothes were neat. Professional. As a general rule, you avoided looking scruffy at all when you went out in public if you could. Still though. You were cute. 

You leaned on the bar, hefting your backpack up on your shoulder a little more firmly and ordering a drink and he made his way to your side unobtrusively, “Come here often?” he said, voice warm. You turned, irritated for just a second until you realized it was Bruce. He caught you, chuckling as your lips crashed into his and your arms twined around his neck. When you pulled away he smiled softly, “Long day?” he asked. You nod, “Two changes of clothes later and one client trying to walk all the way the fuck to Jersey, I’m free.” He cuddles you gently and kisses you again, telling the bartender to put your drink on his tab. “Bruce,” you scold gently. He just smiles, “What? I can afford it. It’s just a couple drinks.” You give him a look and he kisses your forehead. He knows you don’t like it when he pays for things for you. He likes that you don’t ask him for things. But he adores doing things for you. “Thank you,” you say, kissing his jaw. He pulls your hair out and takes your backpack to set it at your feet. It’s heavy and he almost drops it. “Sorry,” you tell him, “I usually pack up in the morning and don’t get home until 9 or after.” Bruce just kisses your head and starts the introductions. 

Nat watches you curiously for a moment. Steve asks a ton of questions and Tony, being Tony, grills you for information about things like whether or not Bruce snores. When your work phone rings you sigh, “Hold that thought. The Panicky rookies beckon,” you tell them. You pick up the phone and attach headphones so you can listen and also look things up, “Y/N,” you say. 

Bruce can tell just from the look on your face that this is probably something you’ve answered before. “Of course she has pain. She has COPD and smokes a pack and a half of cigarettes a day,” you say. “No. DO NOT. Absofuckinglutely not. Do not give her the money to buy more.” You pinch the bridge of your nose, “Look. We go through this several times a week. Her blood pressure is better than mine. She’s just mad that the doctor she saw at the urgent care told her to stop smoking. Tell her that if she can walk to the ER she does not need to be there. Also remind her that her blood pressure is GOING to be high if she makes you take it when she comes in from chain-smoking... Okay. Yes. That’s fine. She can take her anxiety PRN in the next hour. Encourage her to do that and lay down. Yup. Okay. Make sure you put all this in the shift report for Dr. Meyers. Bye.”

You hang up the phone and your cheeks color, “Sorry, I’m our on-call until 4am.” Clint snorted, “So basically you’re babysitting over the phone?” You nod, “That’s a pretty accurate assessment,” you tell them. Steve smiles a little, “How long have you been doing jobs like this?” he asked. You shrug, “Since I was 21 so... about 6 years now. My first job was as a tech in a dementia ward.” Bruce smiles a little, “So a lack of orientation to reality is your specialty?” You shrug, “I’m just familiar with it... You just gotta go with it. If a dementia patient tells you the sky is green, you tell them it’s a lovely shade, isn’t it? If they ask to talk to their mom whose been dead 50 years, you distract them. If you can’t, put them on the phone with a nurse who has the best mom voice.” Natasha smiles a little as she watches you take a sip of your drink. “Why’d you stop working in the dementia ward?” Tony asked. 

“Because my dumb ass thought that working with kids would be less heartbreaking... So I did that for a while,” you say. Clint winces, “Yeah... Kids suck.” You laugh, “No joke. I still have a scar on my ribs from getting stabbed with a hunk of metal door.” Steve choked and Tony thumped him on the back, “Seriously?” he sputtered. You nod. “Is it a full moon?” you ask Bruce idly, snuggling into his side. “Yes,” Natasha answered.

“Fuck me running,” you groan and sigh. “Why?” Bruce asked. “It’s a pretty good metric for how many calls I’m gonna get,” you answer. Tony scoffed, “That’s an old wives tale.”

“I’m gonna get a minimum of 4 calls and 3 text messages,” you shoot back, “On the TL ward we have 4 schizophrenics, 2 with BPD, and various and sundry other disorders. At least one that’s in the early stages of Alzheimer's... I’m gonna get calls. And that’s not to mention my client in the community.” Clint whistled softly, “Jesus. How do you organize all that?” 

“Luck,” you answer smirking, “Luck and postie notes.”

Bruce gently redirects the conversation, for which you’re grateful. You’re used to the endless questions. People treat your job like a super-secret thing. Like they’re getting insider information. People don’t understand what you do. Or why you do it. You guess even superheroes get curious. Bruce's fingers find the sore spot on the back of your neck and you relax against him. It had been a long day and you want to go home and go to bed. But, until 4am, you have to stay awake. You know technically you can sleep on call but you also know that if you sleep, you’ll sleep right through the phone calls. You listen to the chatter, comforted by the warmth of being tucked into Bruce’s side. Listening to the rumble of his voice. He’s happy. You can tell. And that makes you happy.

He deserves it. You look up at him adoringly and even Tony feels himself melt a little. When Bruce looks down at you and kisses you softly Clint “Aww’s” out loud and you blush. “Grotesquely cute,” Tony mutters, making Natasha and Steve both smack him. Bruce brushes hair out of your eyes, “I better get you home, huh?” he said. “I’m okay if you want to stay,” you say yawning, “I have to be on call until 4am anyway.” He smiled, “Can you stay awake that long?” he asked. “Yeah. It’s just gonna take coffee.”

He tutted softly and picked up your bag, “Well,” she said, “You have a coffee maker at home. Let’s go.”

Tags: @lancsnerd​ @stevieang​ @golddaggers​ @blameitonthecauseway​ @qxeen-of-hearts​ @process-pending​ @xmarveled​ @beautybyfire, @etherealwaifgoddess, @mschellehitt, @mistressoftorture @thorfanficwriter, @straightforwardly, @hello-im-bi, @ctinadiva

[fanficsrusz]

Forgive yourself - steve rogers oneshot

A/n: so ngl ive kinda been on a role and im just gunna go with it. But heres a random steve oneshot of him being a big softie. Enjoy :)

________________________________________

Guns fired and blood splashed everywhere. Y/n staggered through what was left of the street. Her ears rang with the sound of screams from various people running around her. Still in a state of shock she couldn't understand what was happening and why she had intense pain in her head that felt like someone had just hit her in the head with a steel bar. She couldn't feel her hands and when she looked down, blood covered them. That's when she stopped and looked around. Everyone was running away from her, she had caused the damage, she had caused the pain. "no!" she shouted, eyes glowing read, "I didn't mean to hurt you. Im trying to help." no one listened. Y/n felt anger and she no longer felt the floor beneath her feet. "WHY AREN'T YOU LISTENING TO ME" she screamed just before she exploded.

Y/n jolted awake with beads of sweat forming on her skin. For a split second she had no idea where she was. Taking a deep breath she relaxed herself and laid back down as her senses came back to her. She rubbed her hands over her face and laughed.

It had been years since she had joined the avengers and moved into the shield building with the others, yet more often than not she was still haunted by her past.

Y/n was the result of an experiment where she was forced to feel such extreme fear until a mutation happened in order for her body to defend itself. These experiments lasted years and involved various other things being injected into her until one day the mutation happened causing her to have power over fire and ice as well as having skin as strong as steel.

However this was not what hurt y/n the most. No. The one who had caused her the most pain was her father; the man behind the experiment.  The one person she was meant to trust was the one who dangled her life in the line of fire all for the sake of a stupid experiment.

Yes y/n had hurt some people but she eventually learnt how to control her powers and was soon picked up by shield to join the avengers and she had been helping them ever since. The team had come to love her and she was a huge help when it came to defending the world against whatever villains wanted to take over. However, No matter how many times y/n took down the bad guys she could never defeat the biggest villain of them all; her own mind.

Y/n swung her legs over the edge of the bed and looked at the clock. 3.47am. She sighed and stood to put on her dressing gown, there was no way she was going to be able to go back to sleep tonight. She padded down the hallway and into the living quarters where she slid open the balcony doors to allow the cold air to hit her face. Stepping out she closed her eyes as she leant against the railings. The noise of nature is what she enjoyed the most. It made her feel normal again.

Y/n had been outside for what felt like forever just enjoying the world pass by.

"you know for someone who works with spies for a living, you are not stealthy" a gruff voice interrupted her daydreams of a normal life. She turned to see the owner of the voice. "steve i'm sorry i woke you" she sighed and steve walked over to lean on the rail next to her. "it's ok. I couldn't really sleep anyway. Why are you up so late?" he asked clasping his hands together. Y/n didn't say anything, causing the soldier to look over at her. He sighed. This had become a regular occurrence for the girl and steve felt guilty that he couldn't help her. "y/n we've all done things we regret in life. You have to forgive yourself" steve was right. It had been so long since she had hurt some many people but she still felt guilt. A tear slid down her cheek and within a second steve had pulled her into a hug "what if i lose control again and I hurt someone. What if i hurt one of you guys" . She said quietly "hey hey hey. Look" steve pushed her so she was held at arm's length before continuing "you are one of the strongest people I know around here. You're the one who always makes sure that we all get home safe. You're the one who makes sure we all eat. You're the one the sacrifices your life day in and day out for hundreds of people without even thinking about the fact that you could die. I know it's not easy to forgive yourself but it's worth it. You can't change the past so what's the point on holding onto something that can't be fixed. Learn from the mistakes you made and use what you learned to stop others from making the same mistakes you did. The powers you have, that i have or anyone her has for that matter, they are a blessing. How many other people can say 'I saved a 1000 people yesterday from a burning building with my super cool ice powers'? One. Only you can say that" steve paused as y/n laughed and steve chuckled as well. "you're right steve. I feel stupid now. Im sorry" the girl looked up and into steves piercing stare. "don't be. You know you're one of the best things that ever happened to this place."

The two superhumans stared at each other for a few more seconds before steve leaned in and captured y/ns lips in an intense kiss that sent bolts of electricity through both of them. Eventually the kiss was broken and y/n leant her head on steves forehead before either one of them could say anything a third voice came from inside. "guys im happy that you two idiots have finally found out that you love each other but its 4am and it's freezing everywhere because the doors are wide open" the pair looked over to see a tired nat stood in her pajamas. The two laughed and walked over before apologising and closing the door. The three of them began to make their way back to their rooms before steve was pulled back by y/n. "sleep with me tonight?" steve blushed at the question but nodded and followed her to her room where they laid in each others arms.

Slowly drifting back to sleep y/n knew she wouldn't be having nightmares any time soon thanks to the supersoldier next to her.

[myherodiehardfan]

promts (i STOLE FROM ALL OVER THE PLACE)

- prompt list -

Prompt List #1 ♛ Imagines

“We’re not just friends and you fucking know it.”

“Please don’t cry. I can’t stand to see you cry”

“Stay with me”

“Walk out that door and we’re through”

“Well. Yell, scream, say something. Anything”

“I can’t breathe”

“I hate how much I love you”

“Why are you so jealous?”

“Where do you think you’re going”

“Just leave me alone”

“I need some time”

“Despite what you think, I am completely capable of taking care of myself”

“You can’t keep pretending it didn’t happen, cause guess what? It did!”

“Just please be my best friend right now, not the guy I just confessed my love to.”

“Stop pretending you’re okay, cause I know you’re not.”

“Just talk to me”

“Bite me”

“If you insist”

“I think I’m in love with you, and that scares the crap out of me”

“I think you’re just afraid to be happy”

“Why are you so nice to me”

“Choose me”

“We’ll get through this, I promise”

“You’re so fucking hot when you’re mad”

“You’re mine. I don’t share”

“Just shut up and kiss me.”

“If we get caught I’m blaming you”

“Make me”

“Do you want to kiss as bad as I do right now”

“I think I forgot how to breath”

“Stop biting that fucking lip!”

“You’re blushing”

“I missed something didn’t I?”

“You come to my room and wake me up at 4am, to cuddle?”

“Well this is awkward”

“Is that my shirt?”

“You look like you need a hug”

“I can’t believe you don’t like Disney movies”

“Please come home, I miss you”

“You’re so fucking adorable”

“How can you still look so attractive while crying.”

“I’m pregnant”

“You’re lucky you’re cute”

“Cuddle me.”

“Sometimes I really don’t like you”

“What if I told you I’ve been in love with you since we were kids.”

“You’re seriously like a man-child.”

“You’re getting crumbs all over my bed”

“Im too sober for this”

“Oh god, I need a drink”

Bad boy writing prompts (warning: mild sexual themes)

“He was sneak out the window past curfew kind of trouble, he was a motorbike ride cross-country kind of trouble, he was the kind of boy your daddy hated. But he was the only man that made you feel alive.” (Oh, Dabi, my dear, I’m looking at you.)

“‘A gentleman would offer me his seat’”    ‘Gentlemen are boring. But you’re free to sit on my lap.’ You narrowed your eyes. He slanted his head innocently, ‘Over my knees then’    ‘Charming, aren’t you’    ‘Only for you, baby’”

“You gawked. Did he seriously just offer ten million yen for your portrait? ‘You want me on your wall?’   ‘Actually, I want you in my bed but you seem to averse sex, so how about it?’”

“I love you more than I hate the rest of the world.”(Hm. A lot of the villains, but especially Shiggy and Overhaul.)

“I seem to have a nasty habit of driving people away.” (A lonesome MC/Reader or my darling Shinso, technically not a bad boy but can be applied hehe)

“Her body was his. His to ravish, to possess, to savor. But he was a selfish man and having just her skin wasn’t enough for him. He wanted more, always more. He desired her heart, her soul, her beautiful mind. Everything. He wanted her. And she will be his.” ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) (This is as far I will go)

RANDOM SENTENCE STARTERS

SHORT

“Marry me.”

“Do you want me to leave?”

“You are not going without me.”

“I can’t believe you!”

“I swear it won’t happen again.”

“What did you say?”

“I’m not jealous.”

“You’re jealous, aren’t you?”

“We can’t keep doing this.”

“Are you sure this is legal?”

“Isn’t this amazing?”

“I’m going to take care of you, okay?”

“Stay the night. Please.”

“You can’t die. Please don’t die.”

“Run away with me.”

“You did WHAT?”

“Quit whining.”

“Get outta my sight!”

“Why are you so annoying?”

“Were you ever going to tell me?”

“Never in a million years.”

“Don’t ask me that…”

“I might have had a few shots.”

“What’s with the box?”

“W- What are you doing?”

“Say it!”

“I could kiss you right now!”

“Are you done with that?”

“What’s going on here?”

“Stop pinning this on me! You started it!”

“It’s your fault we’re in this mess.”

“Did you do this on purpose?!”

“Kiss me.”

“Are you still awake..?”

“Excuse you?”

“This is all your fault!”

“I can’t believe you dragged me into this.”

“Don’t give me that look! It wasn’t my fault!”

“I shouldn’t be in love with you!”

“It’s not fair!”

“I could kill you right now!”

“Knock it off!”

“Screw you!”

“You’re a complete moron!”

“I love this song!”

“I can’t be in love with you!”

“Make me.”

“Don’t tempt me.”

“I hate you.”

“You are infuriating!”

“Just shut up already.”

“That doesn’t even make sense.”

“Bite me.”

“Eat me.”

“Kiss my ass.”

“Just admit I’m right.”

“Just admit you’re wrong.”

“You are being ridiculous!”

“That’s irrational.”

“Listen to me!”

“That’s not what I meant and you know it.”

“Don’t yell at me.”

“That’s it. End of discussion.”

“I don’t believe you.”

“You shouldn’t have said that.”

“Fuck you!”

“Shut your mouth before I shut it for you.”

“How dare you?”

“I dare you!”

“It’s you, it’s always been you.”

“Well this is awkward…”

“Just pretend to be my date”.  

MISCELLANEOUS

“Are you really gonna leave without asking me the question you’ve been dying to ask me?”

“The planet is fine. The people are fucked.”

“I just did some calculations, and I’ve been able to determine that you’re full of shit.”

“You know what I like most about people? Pets.”

“Do you ever think if people heard our conversations they’d lock us up?”

“What about a compromise? I’ll kill them first, and if it turns out they were friendly, I’ll apologize.”

“I don’t hate you.. I just don’t like that you exist.”

“Love is the jelly to sunshine’s peanut butter. And if I tell you that I’m in sandwich with you, I’m not just saying it to get in your Ziploc bag.”

“Do things that make you happy within the confines of the legal system.”

“Did you really just insult Captain America in front of me?”

“Can I touch your boob?”

“It’s not that you’re wrong, exactly, you’re just extremely not right.”

“You shouldn’t be trusted with small children, should you?”

“Give me cake or give me death.”

“On a scale from, ’I can sometimes make important phone calls without crying’ to ’I have a stable job with a steady income, a spouse who loves me, a dog, and two kids who are screwed up minimally at worst’, how much of an adult are you?”

“You think I’m dumb enough to fall for that stupid move?”

“Despite the cliche, it’s not me, it’s you.”

“Obviously you can’t tell a woman you just met that you love her, but it sucks that you can’t.”

“No, it was my fault for thinking that you might care.”

“When you love someone, you just don’t stop. Ever. Even when people roll their eyes or call you crazy… even then. Specially then!”

“If you’re not scared, then you’re not taking a chance. If you’re not taking a chance, then what the hell are we doing anyway?”

“I think I’ve been holding myself back from falling in love with you all over again.”

“What have I told you about the toilet seat?”

“I tried to change the duvet and I got stuck inside.”

“I vote today to be a pajama day.”

“You have to tell me why were committing a felony before we do it. Not that that’s going to stop us, but at least I’ll have all the facts.”

“I don’t leave messages. If I wanted to talk to a machine, I’d talk to my VCR.”

“I can be flexible. As long as everything is exactly the way I want it, I’m totally flexible.”

“You know we’re suppose to be together. I knew it the first time I saw you, and you know it, too. I know you do.”

“Those things you said yesterday… Did you mean them?”

“I’m not going to apologise for this. Not anymore.”

“What I hear when I’m being yelled at is people caring loudly at me.”

“I am NOT crying, okay?! I’m allergic to jerks!”

“This would not happen if I had a penis!”

“That’s almost exactly the opposite of what I meant.”

“All nighter, you and me. First one to fall sleep buys the other dinner.”

“I don’t think I’ve ever played spin the bottle.”

“Sorry! I didn’t mean to touch your butt.”

“I’m ok, thank you. Just please, stop talking to me.”

“To the night you’ll never remember!”

“Excuse me, did the 12:15 bus come by already?”

“Could I sit here? All the other tables are full.”

“Are you meeting someone here? Because.. I think I’m that person.”

“You weren’t supposed to laugh! I’m so embarrassed!”

“It must be hard with your sense of direction, never being able to find your way to a decent pickup line.”

“Driver picks the music, shotgun shuts his/her cake hole.”

“I’m not gonna die in a hospital where the nurses aren’t even hot.”

“You better take care of that car or I swear I’ll haunt your ass!”

“This is the dumbest thing you’ve ever done.“

“It’s a real shame nobody asked for your opinion.”

“I could do that, but could doesn’t mean would.”

“You cannot fathom the immensity of the fucks I don’t give.”

“You’re like, five feet tall. How you gonna reach me, shortie?”

“I recognize that you have reached a decision, but given that it is a stupid ass decision I have elected to ignore it”

“Do you need me to kill someone for you?”

“Look out where you’re going, asshole!”

“Fuck the sandwich guy!”

“I did not mean for stripping to come out of this.”

“The whole street is blocked off. The police won’t tell us anything, but I think there’s been some kind of attack… Maybe a bomb?”

“Oh my god, are you okay? I’m calling the police. I think I saw who did this to you.”

“I’m weird, you’re weird, we could have weird little babies and live weirdly ever after if it wasn’t for the fact I find you repulsive.”

“There is nothing wrong with planning a wedding with a video game character.”

“I’m gonna lay down and die for like half hour okay?”  

“There’s been some real friction in our friend group lately. I suggest an orgy to save our friendships.”

“It’s midnight, what do you want?”

“I think I know how to use a bed.”

“If I wake up in the morning and I’m dead… Wait.”

“You are completely unfit to handle a child.”

“We have to get out of this place. It is EVIL.”

“Don’t you dare throw that snowba-, goddammit!”

“When in doubt curl into the fetal position and give up on life.”

“It’s not a double date, we’re just third and forth wheeling.”

PREGNANCY

“I have something to tell you…”

“I think I’m pregnant.”

“I’m pregnant!”

“When were you going to tell me that you’re pregnant?”

“You’re smart and successful with an adorable belly.”

“$50 bucks says it’s a girl/boy.”

“Pregnancy suits you…”

“Hello little one. We can’t wait to meet you…”

“I’ll just be in the bathroom throwing my fucking guts up because our unborn kid wants to be a dick!”

“There’s someone I’d like you to meet…”

“Shh… He/she’s sleeping..”

“I have a special surprise for you. Close your eyes and follow me.”

“No, no, no, no, no, we aren’t ready… We aren’t ready for kids yet!”

“Oh, gosh, I felt it! I felt a kick!”

FLUFF

“Your hair is so soft…”

“You’re so cute when you pout like that!”

“Just relax, I’ll wash your hair for you.”

“I’m not going to stop poking you until you give me some attention.”

“What, does that feel good?”

“HA! I found a weak-spot on you, didn’t I?”

“Are you wearing my shirt?”

“You are ridiculously comfortable…”

“I’ve had a rough day and honestly all I want right now is a drink and someone to cuddle with…”

“You’re so cute when you’re half asleep like this…”

“You’re beautiful, you know that?”

“We should get a puppy!”

STARGAZING

“Aren’t they beautiful?”

“These stars are nothing compared to the ones I’ve seen in your eyes.”

“Shooting star, make a wish.”

“It’s actually a comet, but I’ll still make one.”

“Imagine if it could always be this way, even in the city.”

“Never thought something so beautiful could exist in nature…”

“Wouldn’t it be cool to name a star after yourself?”

“Y'know, your roof may not be the safest place for us to stargaze.”

“This is why you made me drive three hours out into the middle of nowhere?”

“Is that a– Wait, no, just an airplane.”

“I wouldn’t mind falling asleep out here.

FLIRTY/SUGGESTIVE/SEXUAL

“Did you just… finish?”

“They always make shower sex sound so appealing, but honestly, this is getting dangerous.”

“I’m not actually feeling anything.”

“Are you getting any closer?”

“Why do they make this look so easy in all those porn movies?! This hurts like fuck!”

“Did something just happen? You’re not turned on anymore.”

“Shit sorry, am I going too fast?”

“Wow, you’re hot.”

“Is that a gun in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?”

“Hey, I’m open minded.”

“Keep sweet-talking and this could go a whole new direction.”

“I think it’s about time we stop avoiding the obvious.”

“I’m gonna be honest with you. I’m really horny, and you’re really hot. Can we fuck? Like, now?”

“I see someone’s happy to see me.”

“I saw that. You just checked me out.”

“You know, when this is over, we should really have angry sex.”

“Take off your clothes.”

“Tell all those other guys/girls you don’t need them ‘cause you got me.”

“Don’t give me that face, it’s so cute I might not be able to hold back.”

“Boobs are really just squishy pillows.”

“If you don’t get turned on by having your neck kissed somethings wrong with you.”

“Blasphemy! Sex solves everything.”

“I platonically want to have sex with you. No big deal.”

TEXTS

[text]: What do you want now?

[text]: Do you want to bet on that?

[text]: Guess who just got back in town.

[text]: So I might be in a hospital right now…

[text]: We can’t keep doing this anymore!

[text]: Come on, come to the party!

[text]: Can you pick me up from the bar? Too drunk to drive.

[text]: You have no clue how I feel so shut up.

[text]: I call bullshit.

[text]: You thought you could get away with that, didn’t you?

[text] I gave up great shower sex to be here so don’t say I never did anything for our friendship.

[text] Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.

[text] Also, my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall.

[text] Who says no to sex and donuts?!

[text] I know what you did last summer…

[jenniez-tv]

HIPEC surgery (warning - photos of my abdomen after surgery will be shown)

The night before surgery I was on clear liquids only.. that was hard when all my family members kept talking about food and dessert.. the stomach growl was real. Haha. I spent the night playing mahjong with my family up until I had to pack and get ready to leave the house. An all nighter. Weeee. I really didn’t care to sleep since I don’t usually sleep til the morning anyways and I would be sleeping a lot in the hospital so it was whatever.

My aunt, mom, and I leave to go to the hospital around 4am (super early). We arrive, I’m sent to preop to get ready and I am super nervous.. I realized I forgot to take my anti anxiety Med before leaving the house.. UGH. I ask the nurse if she can ask the doc to give me one while I’m waiting and she said the Anesthesologist can give me something when they are ready to wheel me to the OR. Like wtf? How is that helpful? Why would I need anxiety meds right before I go to sleep for the freaking surgery?!? I need it for the 2hrs of waiting!!! She didn’t even bother to ask! Ughhhh.. like why? She is supposed to be an advocate for me.. Was not happy with her.. then she told me to relax.. HAHA. Glad I won’t see her again. Rude.

Me waiting at preop

Anywho.. next thing I know I’m awake in PACU. I’m groggy and in pain.. and of course felt myself up all over my abdomen to make sure I didn’t get a ileostomy bag. Thank god I did not! I did have a jp drain though. The Dr said he removed the organs he planned on-the uterus, ovaries, omentum, gallbladder along with 3 small things he found in my abdomen. I have no idea where and how big they were. They don’t think they are tumors but the pathology results have not come back yet.. feels like forever waiting for results.. either way, im glad it was found and removed. (Update- the results came back benign! Negative for cancer!)

I’m moved to the ICU and get hooked up to so much equipment. I stayed in the ICU for 2.5days. I had 2 iv’s, an arterial line, Foley catheter, NG tube, JP drain and a wound vac. My throat hurt so damn bad.. every time I swallowed it hurt.. that NG tube fked up my throat. I was also a not allowed eat or drink anything for 2 days until they took it out. I could not wait! Post op day 1 was a killer for me. Just trying to sit up made me cry. They wanted me to walk down the hall while pushing the wheelchair. I literally looked like a old person who has the hump back and couldnt stand straight while walking. The poor nurses were pretty much holding my weight lol. Even helping me scoot up on the bed hurt. My family said my entire body and face was super swollen . I just pictured the scene in Willy wonka and the chocolate factory where that girl turned into a huge blueberry. 🤭 I think the most annoying part of ICU was when they kept giving me blood pressure medication and IV fluids to increase my blood pressure. I normally have low BP like 80-90/50-60 told everyone. Apparently the Med surg unit (Unit I would be at until I get discharged) doesn’t like BP’S under 90. I mean seriously, I can’t be the only one with normal low BP’s.. With all the fluids during and after surgery.. I was 15lbs heavier. Ahh! I know it’s all water weight but damn that’s a lot of water weight. They also gave me potassium and it was so uncomfortable on my veins. Anyone can tell you it hurts..even when it’s diluted. It fked up my veins where on The last night in the ICU I had to get one of my IV’s replaced because anything that went through it (even saline) hurt . It was hurting even if nothing was running.

Anyways, I get cleared and transfer up to the medsurg unit. I was actually feeling pretty good considering just having surgery. I get my NG tube removed and am allowed teeny bits of water/ice. FINALLY. My throat can now get better! By the time I transferred I was making laps around the unit. I also get my wound vac removed. It was so painful because I developed a lot of blisters on the edges of the tape from the wound vac. It looked pretty gross. (Picture below). When they removed it, all the blisters broke and they even rubbed over it pulling the skin off. Then, one of my ivs stopped working so it had to be taken out. Luckily this unit only requires one IV not two like the ICU so I didn’t need it replaced.

Picture of the blisters

Picture of my incision with the wound vac and the jp drain.

Picture of my incision and blisters after wound vac removed

The next morning is where everything went downhill. I got super nauseous and eventually threw up 900cc of bile. My temp was around 101 degrees, and eventually got up to 103. I also had other signs/symptoms that showed that I got septic to something. I had to be transferred back to the ICU. Because they were not 100% sure where the infection came from (they had 2 guesses) I got 2 antibiotics that would treat both areas. My white blood cell count also dropped dramatically to 0.98 and my anc 0.74. This means that I was very susceptible to getting more infections. People had to wear a mask when they come to my room and I had to wear one when I left the room. The good news is my fever went away pretty quickly and I started feeling better. My wbc kept going up and down... I’m hoping it keeps trending up because I cannot leave the hospital until my wbc goes up and becomes stable. EEP.

While I was back in the ICU I had to get a second iv placed.. so now I have had 4 iv’s so far not including the arterial line). I’m connected to all the machines again and it takes forever for me to get to the bathroom since they have to disconnect all the monitors and attach it to a portable one so they made me use a bedside commode instead. Bedside commode?!?! The thought is just gross. I’m peeing and pooping in a room with just a curtain blocking the view. What if someone walked in to talk to me in the middle of my session? It was so nerve wrecking. I’ve cleaned up patients bedside commodes before and it’s fine but now can say that I really understand why patients apologized all the time.

After another 2 days in the icu and being septic.. And another iv needing to be replaced bc it infiltrated.. (apparently my veins are mad weak from all the meds and chemo) (now iv #5) I am finally better to go back to the Med surg unit. I’m transferred back and it feels so nice to use abnormal bathroom again. I’m still only allowed clear fluid and honestly.. even that was hard to do. I had to drink a minimum of 800cc a day and it was a struggle. So many days of not eating and drinking screwed me up. Plus I kept having this underlying nausea that just wouldn’t go away. It turned out I had a small ileus as well- A complication that can happen from abdominal surgery.

Everyday I got blood drawn twice a day.. and lovenox which is a blood thinner to prevent blood clots. Prior to lovenox, they were giving me heparin (which is 3 times a day..). My body was full of bruises all over.

Picture of some of the bruises on my arms. I had a bunch on my thighs too..

Anywho, I’m finally allowed to eat.. and man that was more of a struggle than drinking.. I would take one or two bites and be done.. it didn’t help that the hospital food was completely disgusting.. even simple foods you think they can’t mess up on.. was just gross. I was asked by family what I felt like eating so they can bring it.. but honestly I had no appetite at all. Completely different from when I was on steroids and eating nonstop.. lol. But I tried.. hard.. to eat and drink enough. They wanted to start me on tpn which is the total nutrition through a central line.. and I was not about to have it. I gave a hard hell no.

I could barely sleep.. it just felt like my stomach was being pulled or stretched apart when I moved.. was woken up non stop for meds/ vitals.. when I was able to doze off.. my days pretty much consisted of eating, taking a couple laps around the unit, napping, and repeat. I was still getting some iv fluids to help keep me hydrated.. and of course.. another iv infiltrates.. and another iv had to get started... I had a total of 6iv’s and an arterial line.. it was utterly ridiculous.. I had no more places for ivs! And I freaking hate ivs and getting poked.. but that’s all I got during this stay.. so many I lost count.. sigh..

On and off during my stay but especially the last couple of days, I had severe lower right abdomenal pain that was sharp and jabby. I prevented me from moving at all.. it was downright horrible and worse than my incision.. no one knew what it was from but I guessed maybe the drain that was inside.. I got a ct scan done and it didn’t show anything there but the drain so I got it removed.. the pain immediately disappeared!! It was such a relief!! No pain meds helped at all.. not even the slightest.. so having that relief felt so good. The drain coming out though.. felt like so much pressure and it felt like the spot that hurt was getting pulled on. I swear that drain was stuck there or something.. it was a good amount in my stomach.. I didn’t realize how much of the drain just sat in there.. kinda gross. And yes, I watched the whole thing... hahah.

Another complication I have is that my left upper thigh is numb.. and has been numb.. it never got and still hasn’t gotten any better.. I thought it was the duramorph I got during surgery but after a week it seemed unlikely.. the dr says that it’s most likely because the retractor they used to hold my abdomen opened was pressed on my thigh nerve since I’m smaller than the average patient and dmged it from it being compressed for 8hrs.. he says it will take weeks to months for my leg to return to normal.. hopefully.. but that there is a chance it won’t.. god I hope it comes back. It feels so weird and annoying to have the top of my thigh permanently numb ...

Finally my wbc is stable and continuing to trend upward (although still low) and I’m allowed to go home.. I could not wait to see my babies (my dogs), my family, and just sleep in my own bed!!

Sorry, I know this post was all over the place... i wrote parts of it at different times.. which is why some seems present and some past tense.. and I’m honestly not in the mood to go and fix it all. I will post again how my recovery is going at home soon.

Thank you all for your love and support. ❤️

[lgbtyrus]

TJ’s Playlist Chapter 6

Story Summary: When Cyrus finds a playlist on TJ’s desktop full of old love songs, he realizes that TJ has never been a scary basketball guy but rather a huge sap. TJ just wished Cyrus could realize that all of those songs remind him of a certain boy who likes chocolate chocolate chip muffins without telling him directly.

With insecurities and fears almost set in stone, it’s hard for TJ to admit that he has a heart aching crush on Cyrus who is trying to avoid just that. Of course, it doesn’t seem like both of them are trying to get over each other when they’re always together.

Ao3 Link | Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

Words: 4252

Warning: angst, they cuss now

Cyrus found himself still lying awake in his dark room. His blanket had been thrown to the side, and he was sweating. He made his way to his restroom, and when he was washing his hands, he looked up at his mirror. He looked exhausted. He had told TJ goodnight and his intentions were to fall asleep right away like he had for the last few years. It was a gift Andi and Buffy always told him that they envied.

Only he couldn’t.

He kept thinking about his conversation with Buffy and wondered if there was anything that they had done that made her ask that question. What had put the idea in her head?

The only thing that drove him crazier was that he couldn’t get the idea out of his head. When had put the polaroid of him and TJ in his journal, he doodled a heart on the side without thinking. He quickly turned it into a shaded in circle and shut his journal.

He didn’t want to like TJ. He couldn’t like TJ. He didn’t want to be feeling all those butterflies and how his cheeks managed to feel hotter around him even though it was already 90 degrees outside. TJ was the human version of the sun to him, and it was getting harder to look at him. Cyrus couldn’t help but notice the few freckles that dotted his nose. Green was becoming a prettier color to him, and he didn’t want to know if it was because that was the color of TJ’s eyes. Their height difference was becoming a lot more noticeable to him, too. Thinking about their height difference killed him. It was when he wondered if he’d have to stand on his tippy toes to kiss him.

He would do absolutely anything to stop thinking about TJ.

Only it was getting harder.

It was kind of starting to hurt, too. It was the same longing he felt in his chest when he saw Jonah. His obstacle from being with Jonah was Andi and the probable fact that Jonah didn’t like boys. His obstacle with being TJ was simply that he didn’t like boys- making it easier to lose their friendship. If Jonah had found out, he was probably going to say “oh sorry” and then proceed to still be friends with him because of the Good Hair Crew.

If TJ found out, Cyrus had already built 22 different scenarios of it going horribly wrong. Only one of them included a “Sorry, Cyrus. I don’t like guys. But let’s still be friends.” Only, they didn’t ever speak again after that. Cyrus felt like he was driving himself mad thinking of it.

Cyrus made his way back into his room and threw himself at his bed. He hadn’t checked the time in a while, so he unplugged his phone from the charger on his bedside table. He let out a sigh as he realized it was 2:02AM. He felt curse. He had never stayed up for no reason, not even when he liked Iris or Jonah. If anything, he wanted to go to sleep to avoid the fact that he didn’t like kissing Iris as cool as she was. He wanted to fall asleep so that he could dream of another world where Jonah liked him.

But now all he could do is stay away and live in the world where TJ Kippen didn’t like him.

Cyrus shut his eyes once more, his phone gripped in his hand. He tried to fall asleep, and he knew it wasn't working. He slightly picked his head up and slammed it back down repeatedly on his pillow, hoping it'd be enough to take him out. It didn't work.

He began thinking about TJ again as he gave up and lay there. He thought about how he was actually putting in a lot more effort into his math. It made him smile.

Then he remembered.

Cyrus: Hey TJ r u awake?

In less than a minute, there was a response on his phone.

TJ: Yes but u shouldnt be

Cyrus: i can't sleep

TJ: why not?

Because of you!

Cyrus: honestly im not sure. i just have a lot of things running through my mind

You.

TJ: Do you want to talk about it?

Cyrus: I don't think so. I don't even know y i texted u in the first place tbh. sorry

TJ: youre good. i dont fall asleep until like 4am

Cyrus: oh man thats too late kgfdjgfdg

TJ: lmao i didnt think youd ever fall asleep past 10

Cyrus: i never do. i have a strict need for at least 7 hrs of sleep or ill die

TJ: looks like ur gonna die

Cyrus: please release a white dove at my funeral. make it two so it won't be lonely. Im being honest rn. im chugging a gallon of coffee tomorrow i swear. how do u do it everyday

TJ: I don't have a choice most of the time lmao. i just deal with it and let it slowly try to kill me

Cyrus: so u havent died bc you're a vampire?

TJ: u can say that. Hey can I call you instead? Im lazy

Cyrus: ye

“No,” Cyrus groaned. Hearing his voice was going to make everything feel worse. His phone started buzzing and he quickly answered it. He had never been happier about having soundproof walls. He didn’t want his parents asking what he was doing up so late talking to TJ.

“Hey,” TJ mumbled. Cyrus thought his sleepy voice was going to knock him out cold right then and right there.

“Hey, vampire,” Cyrus teased, making TJ chuckled in response.

“You sound awfully happy.”

“I’d be happier if I was asleep but I guess a late night conversation with my good pal TJ won’t kill me.”

“I’m starting to wonder if you really made up with Buffy,” TJ hummed. His voice was groggy yet Cyrus ate up every single one of his words. This was definitely a bad decision. “Did you?”

“I did,” Cyrus sighed. He was starting to wonder if he should tell him the real reason he couldn’t sleep. No. Then I’d have to tell him the idea of us liking each other is keeping me awake. But…. I don’t like him so it wouldn’t matter would it?

“We’re all cool right? I was wondering if she wanted to get her girl team to practice with mine.”

Cyrus grinned, “That’s actually be great. You should talk to her about it. I swear she’s not angry.”

“Why was she acting up with you then?”

“Stupid reasons. She admitted it herself. She’s scared of… something.”

“Buffy? Scared?” TJ scoffed. “Of what? Her reflection?” TJ paused and then said, “Sorry, that was mean.” Cyrus ended up laughing.

“No, it’s fine. She’s more worried you can say.”

“Of what?”

Of us falling in love, getting married, adopting kids, and living next door to her.

“Of us getting closer I guess.”

“So, she’s jealous?” TJ asked. Cyrus stopped himself for a moment. He hadn’t thought about it that way. He did make it clear he’d never pick anyone over her and Andi, though. He wouldn’t.

“Well we cleared it up, so I don’t think so.”

“Did she,” TJ hummed for a moment, “say anything else?” Cyrus raised an eyebrow. Did TJ know something else?

“Why are you asking?”

“Um…. Just curious.”

“You sure?”

“Well,” TJ added hesitantly. “I don’t know. I guess Amber and Buffy talked.”

“Buffy and Amber? Like my Buffy?”

“No, Buffy Summers. Yes, your Buffy,” TJ chuckled. “I guess that Amber showed her that photo where we both fell asleep and um,” TJ’s voice got lower, “I think that’s why she started acting up. Acting up is the right phrase to use but it’s 2AM. Sorry.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Cyrus barely managed to say. His heart was beating fast and he was filling up with dread. Did TJ know exactly what Buffy was thinking?

“But did she say anything weird?” TJ asked again. Cyrus realized there were only 22 ways this could go wrong, and then chances of triggering one wasn’t that high. He was also half asleep and his “fuck it” senses were quite activated.

“By weird do you mean her asking me a million times about the idea of us dating?” Cyrus quickly spit out, hoping TJ might miss the word ‘dating’. There was a moment of complete silence for almost twenty seconds. Cyrus palms were feeling sweaty, so he put his phone on speaker and lay it on the pillow next to him.

“Yeah, that,” TJ finally said. “I think it was because of Amber, to be honest.”

“I mean everything makes sense, now,” Cyrus replied. “I was getting worried about some dumb stuff. I think that’s why I couldn’t sleep.” He felt a lot more relieved. So he and TJ hasn’t done something that made it seem like they had “more than friends” intentions. It was just a conversation between Buffy and Amber that sparked something in Buffy.

“So you do know why you can’t sleep,” TJ told him, discarding the dating topic.

“Well, kind of. I mean Buffy and I actually fought over this. We never fight.”

“Just because her and Amber conspired that we liked each other?” TJ scoffed. “They do know that will never happen right?” Those words seemed to chew right through Cyrus’ heart strings.

“Yeah… yeah,” Cyrus cleared his throat. “I mean we fixed it. She realized she was being dumb. She admitted it, too.”

“Did she apologize?”

“No. I don’t expect her to. It’s Buffy.”

“It’s Buffy isn’t a good excuse, Underdog. If I drain the blood out of a kindergartner, nobody is going to say, ‘Well, it’s just TJ.’ Are they?”

“One, they’re totally different. Two, one of them is completely unrealistic.” He wished TJ wasn’t so blunt sometimes. It made him come face to face with the feelings and thoughts he always shoved in the back of his head.

“Buffy apologizing every once in a while shouldn’t be unrealistic.”

“Well,” Cyrus sighed. “I don’t feel like she owes me an apology, okay?”

“If you’re comfortable with lying to yourself, sure.”

“I’m so comfortable with lying to myself, I’d convince myself that I love myself.”

“Self-deprecating humor, huh. Nice”

“Thanks. It’s a specialty. My brain is full of it.”

“That’s nice. My brain is full of useless facts.”

“Like what?”

“Like a cat named Stubbs was the mayor of Alaska from 1997 until his death.

“TJ, I know I don’t cuss, but literally. What the fuck,” Cyrus softly chuckled, causing TJ to erupt with laughter. Cyrus rarely heard TJ laugh like this, but it was music to his ears. He really did hate the way TJ made him feel like he was floating on the clouds. He was starting to get sleepy now.

“I can’t remember how to do long division, but I honestly can remember the dumbest things,” TJ said, starting to mumble again. “Hey, Underdog. Have you started reading The Giver yet?”

“No,” Cyrus yawned. “We don’t need to be up to chapter five until Friday.”

“Want me to read it to you until you fall asleep? You sound like you’re going to pass out any minute now.”

“But then I won’t remember where I was before I fell asleep,” Cyrus moaned.

“Don’t argue. I’m already getting my book,” TJ told him. Cyrus could hear TJ shuffling around the bedroom. “Alright. Chapter one…” TJ read to him for what felt twenty minutes before he couldn’t remember anything but the lightness of dream.

-

And now the purple dusk of twilight time

Steals across the meadows of my heart

TJ was in the middle of chapter two when he heard light snoring. He smiled and whispered, “Goodnight, Underdog.” He hung up the phone and set the book back inside of his backpack before shutting off the lights. He went back under his covers and checked his phone for the time. It was 3AM, and he could hear the distant yet familiar arguing from downstairs. He had blocked it out for almost an hour thanks to Cyrus and Lois Lowry. TJ put the sides of the pillows to cover his ears and closed his eyes.

He knew time had passed when his eyes blasted open at the sound of a door slamming shut. The front door downstairs. He then registered the soft crying. Amber’s crying. He sat straight up and saw that Amber was at the end of his bed, her back against the wall.

“Amber?” TJ rubbed his eyes. “What’s going on?”

“Dad left,” she whispered. TJ stopped moving. Was he hearing wrong?

High up in the sky the little stars climb

Always reminding me that we're apart

You wander down the lane and far away

Leaving me a song that will not die

“What?”

“Dad left. I heard them fighting in the bedroom like twenty minutes ago and he was packing his stuff,” she covered her face as she started to bawl. TJ lowered his hand and crawled over and put his arm around her. Amber shared a wall with their parents. TJ at least had the guest room in between which spared him a lot. Amber had always had it the worst.

“He’ll come back,” TJ whispered, his eyes starting to burn with tears. “He’ll come back.” Amber kept crying, her sobs eventually turning into wails. All TJ could do was sit there and hug her. He hadn’t even checked what time it was. He didn’t know if Amber had fallen asleep. It was getting hazy and everything felt a million times heavier. Amber’s sobs would die down and then increase suddenly, and he failed at trying not to cry. The only thing he heard was crying and the cars that would pass by in the streets. There was a ghostly silence emitting from the entire house. “He has to come back.”

Amber fell asleep after a long while, but TJ stayed wide awake. He gently laid her down before positioning himself next to his window. He was sitting with his back flat on his poster-covered wall, his eyes switching between watching Amber sleep and staring at the photos on his ceiling. He couldn’t really see them. It was still dark outside, and he didn’t know what he was waiting for. As soon as the sun beams started burst through the window and hit his bedsheets, he knew. He reached out a hand and let the light beam of sunshine hit his hand. There were striped shadows from the blinds wrapping around his skin. He let out a half-smile before closing his eyes. Everything will work out the way it’s meant to be he told himself. His GG always said that the rising sun meant a new era. He knew he wasn’t lying because the day he died, the sunrise turned the skies orange. It was his GG’s favorite color.

The music of the years gone by.

Sometimes I wonder, how I spend

The lonely nights

Dreaming of a song

The melody

Haunts my reverie

And I am once again with you

TJ laid down next to Amber and closed his eyes, almost immediately falling asleep. It didn’t feel like he had slept for more than a few minutes, but it was 6:30AM when he woke up to Amber turning off his alarm clock. He hadn’t even covered himself with the blankets, and he was cold. Amber stood up with her hands wrapped around herself as she shivered.

“Get ready, okay?” she told him, her teeth chattering. She looked horrible, and TJ knew he did, too. He simply nodded his head, and she made her way out of his room. He didn’t want to get up. He was exhausted and drained. It was a different type of tired where everything felt heavy and his throat felt dry. His eyes hurt every time he blinked. He had no idea how he was going to make it through the entire day. He still had work that afternoon, and he definitely could not skip right now.

He stood up anyways and got dressed. He went out into the hall and heard the sink running in the restroom. Amber was going to be a while. He went back into his room and got his hair gel from his bag and started doing his hair in there to get that over with. When he was done, he heard his phone vibrate. He reached over and smiled when he saw who it was from.

Cyrus: Good morning. I’m dead.

TJ: God I wish I were you right now

Cyrus: What time did u fall asleep??? I don’t even remember falling asleep.

TJ: u knocked out like at 3.

Cyrus: how much sleep did you get

TJ: idk like 2

Cyrus: 2 what? Hours

TJ: minutes

Cyrus: tj omg. Minutes?!!!!!

TJ: okay maybe like an hour or 2 I don’t really know.

TJ hesitated before sending the next text.

TJ: everything just sucks right now

Cyrus: hey I’m here if you need anything okay? We can talk about it over baby tators after tutoring if you’d like. My treat this time.

TJ: can’t. I have work.

Cyrus: I’ll walk you to work then. Sound good?

TJ: sounds perfect :^)

Cyrus: :o)

TJ heard the restroom door open, and he walked out to finish getting ready. Amber saw the smile on his face and raised an eyebrow, “Cyrus.” TJ shrugged, the smile not faltering. “Goofy boys,” Amber shook her head with a grin and walked back into her room.

When TJ finished getting ready, he walked down stairs to find Amber making them breakfast. He had heard their mom shuffling around in the master bedroom, so he knew she wasn’t downstairs.

“Eat up,” Amber told him as he sat down. “It’s almost seven, and I’m pretty sure we’re walking.” TJ didn’t say anything and gratefully ate the breakfast. They both ate in silence. TJ realized Amber didn’t have any makeup on and her hair was in a ponytail. He had seen himself in the mirror minutes ago, and he knew he didn’t exactly look like Prince Charming either.

They both turned to the kitchen doorway when their mom walked inside. She was still in her work uniform, and her hair was in a bun that was fall apart. Her eyes and nose were extremely red.

“I made breakfast,” Amber told her, not looking at her for longer than a second. TJ just saw her nod her head before walking to the coffee machine.

“You kids don’t have to go to school today,” she told them, her voice quiet yet rough. “I’ll call in.”

“I have to turn in an essay,” Amber quickly responded.

“Yeah,” TJ momentarily added, “I have tutoring after school.”

“Tutoring?” their mom turned to look at him. TJ sunk back a little in his seat. They had been told about his dyscalculia, but it was something they haven’t talked about in a while.

“Yeah,” TJ bit his lip. “I have it for math with a friend and Mrs. Pierson.” She simply nodded her head and went back to paying attention to the coffee machine. They were silent for the next few minutes as Amber and TJ kept eating, the clinking of dishes filling the air. Their mom watched them carefully as she drank her coffee. TJ checked his phone and told them, “I better get going.” He collected his and Amber’s dishes and placed them in the sink.

“I’ll wash them after I drop you kids off,” their mom putting her coffee on the counter. “Let me go get the keys.”

“We can walk if you want,” Amber told her delicately. She hadn’t taken them to school in ages. They called it an unnecessary waste of gas most of the time.

“No,” she shook her head. “I want to. At least today.” Neither TJ or Amber pressed the matter and just went to wait by the door. Amber’s eyes were already tearing up as they got to the door. TJ gave her a weak reassuring and smile which caused Amber to rub her eyes in an attempt of disguise. When the heard the keys rattling, Amber turned to their mom and said, “I have English second period. I might text you to pick me up.”

“I’ll be by my phone,” she said as they all walked out to the family car. TJ sat in the back seat and waited for the car to start moving. He felt ice cold even though fall had barely crept in, and it was making him want to sleep. He started considering skipping school. Mrs. Pierson would understand. Cyrus would, too. “Hey, um,” their mom gently said. “I just want you kids to know that I already talked to my boss. I’m getting shifts as I need them. I’m going to be responsible now, I swear. Nana and I talked. She’ll be on call if any of you two need anything, and I’m at work.” TJ knew Amber was crying again. It made him feel worse hearing her cry. Their mom started choking up, “Hey, I love you kids, okay? I’ve been a shitty mom lately, but we’ll get through this even if it’s just the three of us. I swear.”

He has to come back. He has to come back.

-

TJ was early to school; not a lot of kids had gotten dropped off. He walked into the cafeteria and got in line (it was only two kids in front of him). He was full already, but he eyed the chocolate chocolate chip muffins. He grabbed one and went back outside to sit at a picnic bench. He pulled out his phone and realized he already had a text from Cyrus.

Cyrus: hey I need to see you before class starts

TJ: im already at school sooo

Cyrus: im almost there. Where are u?

TJ: Benches by the cafeteria

TJ didn’t bother waiting for a response. He rested his head on his propped up arm and started closing his eyes. His eyelids felt so stiff, and he if tired had a taste, it was whatever parched feeling he had in his throat.

“Good morning!” Cyrus enthusiastically said, causing TJ to jump up startled.

“Hey!” TJ yelped. He quickly turned around to see if anyone had seen, but it was just kids minding their own business and Cyrus laughing. TJ smirked at Cyrus, “Proud that you scared the shit out of me?”

“Kind of, yes,” Cyrus grinned. He had two coffee shop drinks in his hands and one was half-way done. TJ assumed that’s where he got his energy. “Here,” Cyrus set the coffee in front of TJ. “I don’t know if you drink coffee, but I know you need it.”

“I’m usually an energy drink guy, but I tend to not splurge on them. Sleep is free energy,” TJ said and picked up the coffee. He studied the see-thru plastic carefully. He rarely got anything from the coffee shop. He didn’t know how to order it. Why couldn’t the sizes just be small, medium, and large?

“You’re not getting any sleep, and TJ, I mean this in the nicest way possible. You look exhausted. I’m so glad I chose today to get you this,” Cyrus gave TJ an apologetic look. TJ was half-asleep, so he just stared at Cyrus’ lips for a few seconds too long before remembering he was in a conversation.

“Uh, yeah,” TJ blinked furiously and set the coffee down, “thank you by the way. I owe you one.”

“No, you don’t,” Cyrus shook his head. TJ took a sip from the straw and immediately made a sour face.

“What is this, Underdog?” TJ smacked his lips a few times. It was super sweet at first, but he liked the aftertaste. He started drinking it again.

“I call it liquid cocaine. It’s 4 shots of expresso, and 4 pumps of white chocolate syrup over ice in a cold cup.”

“Sounds unhealthy.”

“You sleeping habits are unhealthy, TJ. You need to get more sleep.”

“Sounds fake.”

“TJ!” Cyrus whined.

“Fine, fine,” TJ rubbed his eyes. “I’ll take sleeping syrup or something.”

“Don’t abuse that stuff, though.”

“Do you want me to sleep or not?” TJ smiled, causing Cyrus to shrug.

“I guess,” Cyrus sighed. TJ felt nice for a change. Every time he realized Cyrus cared about him, it made everything feel better. Even if everything was a complete shit pile. “Hey we have time to talk if you want to tell me what’s wrong. Or we can wait until after school. If we don’t crash.” TJ looked around and bit his lip. If he didn’t make it to the end of the school day, it wasn’t going to be because of a caffeine crash. He was pretty good at hiding any emotional distress in person, but he didn’t know how long he’d be able to hold this in.

“I’ll just um…,” TJ bit his lip harder.

“We’ll talk after school,” Cyrus reached his hand across the table and squeezed TJ’s free hand. TJ felt himself turning red, but he didn’t reach out to cover his nose. He put the coffee down and set the abandoned muffin right in front of Cyrus.

“It’s for you.”

The nightingale

Tells his fairytale

Of paradise, where roses grew

Though I dream in vain

In my heart it will remain

My stardust melody

The memory of love's refrain.

Next Chapter

A/N: Thank you for reading! Here’s those who asked to be tagged :) If you want to be added or removed from this list, just let me know! Also if I forget you I swear it wasn’t on purpose. I skip over things in my head sometimes.

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