#this isn’t a dig or anything I genuinely find it funny how they’ve been taking care of babies since they were BABIES but won’t say that’s

[princess-starscourge]

It’s funny to me how these super old ppl in Hoyoverse games adopt children left and right but they never straight-up say they adopted them and are all like “oh yeah that’s my disciple/apprentice” or whatever and it’s like okay sure but first or foremost that’s your KID bitch

[poisonedapples]

Patton’s Home for Traumatized Kids

Chapter One: The New Kid

Story Summary: Roman has to have a completely new start. New school, new town, new home and a new family. As a kid in his first foster home, Roman isn’t prepared to trust these people and get hurt again, but he’s not the only kid in the house recovering from past issues. Regardless, their foster father Patton is ready to be the dad they’ve always needed, and traumatized kids learn to lean on each other for support.

Story Warnings: Past abuse of all types, trauma, and anxiety

Pairings: Familial LAMP

Chapter Summary: Roman moves into his new foster home. He is not having a good time.

Chapter Warnings: Anxiety, panic, implied past abuse, food, one vomiting mention, and talk of hidden cameras

Word Count: 6778

Notes: First chapter of a story I’ve wanted to make for my foster au! Thanks to Cornybird on Ao3 for beta-ing this one <3

“Logan, Virgil?” Patton called out from downstairs. “Can you come down here? I wanna talk about something with you!”

Virgil and Logan gave each other curious looks from their sitting places on the same bed. Virgil placed his phone on the nightstand beside him as Logan set his book down at the foot of the bed, both standing up to exit Virgil’s bedroom and head downstairs. At the dining room table was their foster father, Patton, smiling wide with a laptop and notepad in front of him.

“What’s up?” Virgil asked after he and Logan glanced at each other. 

Patton giggled to himself, “Sit down for a second and I’ll tell you! Nothing bad, promise. I think it’s very exciting.”

They quickly sat at the table on the other side of Patton. “So,” Patton joked, “I bet you’re wondering why I’ve gathered you all here today!”

Logan and Virgil spoke in unison. “You’re getting another foster kid.”

Patton blinked. “…How’d you guess it?”

“You’ve been really happy recently, but also very quiet about why you were so happy. You only get like this when you’re bringing another foster kid into the mix. You did the same thing when Logan came along.” Virgil said.

Logan nodded. “Virgil told me about his suspicions due to your behavior, and I agreed with him. I think we both expected you’d make the announcement soon.”

“Oh.” Patton rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. “I didn’t think it was that easy to tell. Well, you guessed right! The new kiddo is moving in on Sunday!”

Logan leaned closer. “What’s their name?”

“His name is Roman Goldsberry. He’s fifteen, and he’s only been in the system for about five months. Though, before this, he was in kinship care with his aunt, so living here is going to be very strange for him. So just be patient with him at first, okay?”

“Yeah yeah, we will be.” Virgil smirked. “But you said he was fifteen?”

“Yup! He’ll be a sophomore in high school this year.”

“Aw, that means Logan’s still the baby in the family.”

Logan blushed. “I’m a teenager. I am not the so-called ‘baby’ of the family.”

“Sounds like something the baby of the family would say.”

“Falsehood!”

“Okay, okay, that’s enough.” Patton tried not to laugh. He knew how much Logan hated being the youngest, but it was hard to act like his reaction wasn’t funny. “Remember, Roman will be here Sunday, so be on your best behavior when he gets here. No spooking him.”

“Got it, got it.” Virgil slouched in his chair and thought. “One more question though. How fucked up is he?”

“Virgil, language.” Patton warned.

“Sorry! It’s just a question. We know you have a soft spot for the most effed up kids you can find.”

“I would have to say I’m curious as well.” Logan agreed. “It’s become a pattern.”

Patton sighed. “He’s not messed up, he’s a kid who’s struggling and needs support. If he wants to tell you two about his past, then he will.”

Virgil groaned. “Fine, fine. Can we go back upstairs now?”

Patton smiled. “Yes, you can go.”

“Great! I’m stealing your book, Logan.”

“Wait, you can’t do that!”

Virgil darted back upstairs with a maniacal laugh as Logan chased him, the sound of bickering teenagers traveling back up the stairs. Patton shook his head in amusement, still listening to the ruckus in case it got out of hand and he needed to step in, but Patton knew his kids. They may tease, but they’re not mean.

Patton continued working on his laptop once the noise quieted down again.

***

“I hate this.”

“I know you do, Roman, but I’m certain you can persevere and find happiness in this new home!” Roman’s social worker, Mr. Picani, smiled hopefully as he continued to drive him to his foster home. Roman was scooted as close to the window as he could possibly get, his legs crossed and clamped together so tight his thighs were getting sore. He didn’t trust Picani, and he sure as hell didn’t trust this new house. No matter what anyone told him.

“I already had a home! Living with my aunt was so much better than whatever could happen here.” Roman’s hands shook just thinking about it. He didn’t know anything about this new person, and the idea of being in a house full of strangers was enabling the more gruesome side of his imagination. He trusted his aunt, at least, but now he was going to a family who could be anyone.

Roman didn’t like the idea of that.

Picani frowned. “You know why your aunt couldn’t house you anymore, Roman. I know it’s not easy, but I think you’ll like this new place! It’s more up north in Foley County, and the area is nice. He also has two other foster children if that helps.”

“How old are the other kids?”

“Fourteen and sixteen, I think. You’ll get to know them more during your time there.”

Roman hummed, looking out the window and digging his nails into his shirt sleeve. He really hoped this foster dad hadn’t touched them before. Even forgetting about himself, a fourteen year old kid having to deal with abuse? Even after getting away from bad parents? He didn’t wish that on anyone.

“And if you ever feel unsafe,” Picani added, “you can always contact me, ‘kay?”

I already feel unsafe. “Okay. How much longer until we’re there?”

“About twenty more minutes. Just enough time to finish the rest of the Tangled movie soundtrack!”

Roman didn’t respond. Normally, he’d love to have a Disney soundtrack he could burst into song with, but he wasn’t feeling it today. And probably wouldn’t be feeling it for a long time.

He just wanted to feel safe. He felt safe with his aunt, but she couldn’t afford to keep him long after the trial since she gave birth to the twins. His aunt was always one of his favorite relatives, one of the few adults he genuinely trusted, now he was going to the house of some random guy named Patton, who he’d only heard of yesterday, and expected to be okay near him. Well, he wasn’t okay. And he wasn’t going to be, ever.

Roman leaned his head on the window and closed his eyes. His hands still shook a little and his chest felt weird, but fighting it now was pointless. Roman just hoped that if this guardian did try something, he’d do it quickly. The sooner Roman told on him to save himself and the other kids, the better.

Though, Roman still felt his hands tingle at the thought. The idea of “getting it over with” made him want to scream and cry. He wrapped his legs tighter together.

After a long time of trying to fight against his own anxious thoughts, Picani pulled into a driveway and stopped the car and Roman opened his eyes to take a look at where they were. He didn’t know the neighborhood, but it seemed like Picani was telling the truth when he said the neighborhood was nice. The house seemed huge, big bushes and flower patches in the front yard and a nice outside paint job. It looked like a house that a functional nuclear family would have, where the dad is a doctor and the mom stays at home with the kids.

Well, looks can be deceiving. Roman thought. Don’t get your hopes up.

“Here we are!” Picani unbuckled his seatbelt with a wide smile. “Grab your suitcases in the back, I’ll knock on the door.”

Roman nodded and got out of the car as Picani popped the trunk. He grabbed two red suitcases and a backpack, closing the car and wheeling it all up to the front door. Picani was there talking to a guy who Roman assumed must be Patton Sanders, and by taking just one look at him…Roman had never seen a person look so much like a dad.

 He was wearing khaki shorts and a light blue polo with tennis shoes and knee socks, thick-rimmed glasses sitting on his face to finish off the dorky look. Patton managed to pull it off, sure, but Roman felt a primal urge from binge-watching Queer Eye to fix that mess of an outfit. 

Before Roman could truly take in the fact that Patton’s knee socks also had kittens on them, Patton smiled wide once he saw Roman in the corner of his eye. “Hello, Roman! It’s so nice to have you, come on in you two!”

Patton stepped aside to hold out the door as Picani and Roman both walked in. Roman scraped his arm on the door frame trying to keep a reasonable distance from Patton, but neither of the adults seemed to notice how Roman was acting. Patton kept smiling away, and Roman tried to see how real that smile truly was. “So, Mr. Picani, I know I have some things to go over with you, so how would you feel if the other kiddos showed you around the house, Roman?”

…Kiddos? “That sounds fine to me.”

“Perfect!” Patton walked over to the staircase and called upstairs. “Logan, Virgil! Can you come down here please?”

Patton’s request was quickly followed by the sound of doors opening and closing. Two kids walked down the stairs; a boy in a black and purple hoodie, and another boy with thick glasses almost the same as Patton’s. They both stared at Roman curiously, and Roman wanted to sink into the floor.

Patton placed an arm over Logan and Virgil’s shoulders and Roman winced at the sight. “So, kiddos, this is Roman! And Roman, this is Logan,” Patton pointed to the kid in glasses. “And Virgil!” He pointed to the kid with the hoodie. The boys didn’t react much besides an awkward half smile directed Roman’s way. “How about you both show him around while I talk to Mr. Picani?”

Virgil shrugged. “Come upstairs, dude.”

Patton let go of both of the boys and walked off into the kitchen with Picani. Roman watched them from the living room for a moment, but he could feel two pairs of eyes staring at him from behind, so he turned around and followed the kids upstairs, bringing his luggage with him.

At the top of the stairs, a long hallway connected six doors on the second floor. Four of the doors were plain, brown doors, but two of them had very distinct personalities shown on the outside. One was covered in stars and planets, the door covered in a starry piece of wallpaper with a metal planet popping out of the background. The other was covered in caution tape saying keep out, with emo band posters poking out from under the tape. Two very different personalities.

“Your room will be this one at the very end of the hallway.” Logan opened the door to the room, turning on the light as Roman peeked inside. “You can place your luggage in here in the meantime.”

Roman nodded and walked inside to throw his luggage onto the floor. The room was very bare, with brown sheets on a twin bed and not much other furniture besides a desk and a dresser. There was a lamp on the desk and a floor lamp next to a door, and one of the opened closet doors showed that the top was covered in random boxes. Some newer-looking stuffed animals were also sitting on the bed; a soft bear and one of those squishy stuffed chickens Roman always saw in stores. It looked like an attempt at a welcoming gift, but new stuffed animals always put Roman on edge. He looked around the room, and the idea of sleeping here made Roman’s heart start to pound. He needed to check this place before he went to sleep that night.

Virgil smirked, taking Roman away from his anxious thoughts. “Damn, you’ve got suitcases? Living the fancy life I see.”

“…What?” Roman reeled.

Logan adjusted his glasses and crossed his arms. “Most foster children move their things using garbage bags. It’s rare we use actual suitcases.”

Roman looked down at his luggage. Suddenly, he felt guilty. “Oh, well…my aunt gave them to me before I moved out, so…”

Virgil shrugged. “What do you wanna see up here first?”

“We could show him our rooms. Or possibly the attic?”

“The attic is cooler.”

“What’s in the attic?” Roman asked.

“It essentially acts as a playroom.” Logan explained. “Board games and a…random assortment of items are all piled up there. It’s quite entertaining to search through, actually.”

“And it’s in the best place ever, come here.” Virgil motioned for Roman and Logan to follow him. He stopped at one of the doors, opening it and letting Roman peek over his shoulder to look inside. It looked like a normal walk-in closet, first aid and toilet paper on one side with batteries and rows of shampoo on the other. Virgil walked in with a smirk, “Now, check this shit out.”

Virgil jumped and pulled on a string dangling from the roof, unraveling a steep staircase through the closet leading up to a hole in the roof. Virgil started to climb the stairs as Logan followed suit, so Roman climbed right after them.

When Roman made it to the top, his eyes widened with wonder. Granted, it wasn’t anything too spectacular, surely not like something in Willy Wonka’s chocolate factory, but the fact that this hidden space existed made Roman feel excited. At his old house, he barely even had his own room to himself, so a place like this was paradise.

The walls were painted white with a giant window above a sitting area on the other side of the room. Shelves of items scattered the walls, and the rug on the floor was so clean Roman wondered how they even got a vacuum up here. It wasn’t anything like his old attic, stuffed with random items from over the years and covered in spiderwebs. Roman felt like he could spend most of his day here.

“We have a lot of various toys up here.” Logan said. He gestured to the boxes on one of the shelves. “Pokémon cards, a chess set, Magic the Gathering, lots of Lego sets, craft supplies, most of our toys make their way up here.”

Roman’s head perked up. “…Craft supplies?”

Logan nodded. “I believe we have paints and drawing utensils.”

Roman looked at the bottom of the shelf Logan gestured toward. There was a box of small painting canvases with paints and brushes, and though they definitely looked cheap, Roman saw them and grew excited as he took out a canvas and the paints in wonder.

“Kiddos!” A voice yelled from the staircase. Logan and Roman walked over to the stairs to look down, but Virgil stayed in his place on a beanbag near the window. Patton and Picani stood at the bottom, and Patton smiled. “Now, what are you all doing up there?”

“We’re showing him around the house.” Logan said matter-of-factly.

“You are, huh?” Patton crossed his arms. “Does he know where the bathroom is?”

Logan blinked. Virgil called out from behind both of them. “He knows where the important things are!”

Patton tried not to smile, but he lost that battle quickly. “Well, Mr. Picani is leaving right now, Roman.”

“How ‘bout you come down here and I talk to you in private for a sec?” Picani asked.

“Uh, alright!” Roman climbed down the stairs and followed Picani out of the closet, while Patton climbed up the stairs into the attic. They both stepped away to the other side of the hallway, and suddenly Picani’s face became very serious.

“Do you feel safe in this house, Roman?” He asked.

Roman clenched his fist and bit his cheek. No, he didn’t, actually. He didn’t know what Patton would do once the coast was clear from guests, and the idea of what could happen was freezing him from the inside out. The only place Roman would feel truly safe was if he was back in the hospital.

But Roman knew that wasn’t possible, and he couldn’t keep bothering Picani all the time for fears that couldn't be helped. He had to be on his own. Alone.

“I think I do. They…seem like good people.” Roman lied. He’d have to find another way to survive.

Picani smiled, not noticing Roman’s unease. He always was a great actor. “Amazing! Let me know if anything comes up, bucko, and I’ll talk to ya again soon! But until then…so long, farewell, auf wiedersehen goodnight!”

Picani walked downstairs and waved behind him, laughing at his own reference as he walked out the door. Roman watched him from the staircase until he could see the car leaving the driveway through the window, and Roman felt truly hopeless. This was a nightmare.

He stood frozen on the staircase for a while, staring through the window with a hope of Picani turning back and saving him. But no car came into the driveway, and Roman didn’t know what to do with himself anymore. What do you even do when living in a house full of strangers?

“Heya, kiddo!” Roman jumped at the voice coming from behind him, jerking his head back and pushing his back up against the wall. It was Patton, smiling wide with a concerned look in his eyes at Roman’s reaction. “I’m sorry, Roman, I didn’t mean to scare you! I just wanted to ask if you wanted me to give you the rest of the tour. I’ll show you everything you need this time!”

Patton laughed at himself, but Roman felt the need to vomit. Patton was close, way too close, and he didn’t know what to do about it. He didn’t want to be roaming around the house with him, vulnerable and nowhere to hide. He needed to be somewhere safe.

“Uh, no, I’m fine! I’ll figure it out myself!” Patton raised an eyebrow at him, but Roman didn’t care. “Where’s the bathroom?”

Patton’s voice became softer. He pointed to the left of him, down the opposite direction of Roman’s room. “It’s over there. Are you sure you’re alright? You look a little pale.”

“I’m fine!” Roman darted past Patton quickly and out of reach, rushing into the bathroom and locking it behind him. He pressed his back against the door and sat down, pressing his feet against the sink, ready to fight against the door if someone tried to open it. He wrapped his arms around himself tightly, trying to even out his scattered breathing. He knew Patton was outside of the door, he could feel it. He just needed to be somewhere safe.

Roman didn’t move from his spot on the floor, eventually curling into himself and resting his head on his knees. He was so tired, the whole day his heart had been pounding with anxiety and he was sick of it. What did it take to feel safe? Was it even possible for Roman to feel safe anymore?

He didn’t want an answer to that. He was just so tired.

 Roman closed his eyes and leaned his body against the bathroom wall, ignoring all his aches from the strange position and trying to give himself some comfort. His body was exhausted but his mind kept racing, thinking of all the things that could go wrong while living here. He tried to fight the anxious thoughts, but Roman figured it wasn’t that big of a deal. If he threw up in the toilet maybe they’d leave him alone for the day.

But Roman never got to that point. He rested on the floor and let his body shake, taking some deep breaths at times to feel less like he was suffocating. Eventually, a knock came to the bathroom door, and it took everything in Roman not to yelp.

“Are you still in there, Roman?” Roman could tell the voice was Logan, and that helped him relax a little more. He took in a big breath and tried to act normal.

“Yes, sorry. Do you need it?” He asked.

“I’m alright. I simply wanted to ask if you wanted to come downstairs and use the paints you seemed so interested in.”

Roman’s ears perked up at that. He forgot all about the paints, and it would be something that could ease his mind a little. But Roman wasn’t that dumb. He knew this was a plan to get him out of the bathroom. Though…he might not mind that much if he wasn’t alone.

“…Would you sit with me?” Roman asked. He doubted Patton would try anything so long as they weren’t alone together, and if he pleased them enough, maybe they’d leave him alone.

Logan was slow to respond. “I suppose I can if you wish for me to.”

Roman rolled his eyes at that sentence. What a nerd, he thought, standing up and slowly unlocking the door to the bathroom before opening it. He looked through the crack to check if Patton was standing behind Logan, but no one else was there. Logan stood there patiently with his hands clasped behind his back, and Roman fully exited the bathroom.

“I set the box on the dining room table. However, Patton is also there making a pizza for dinner.”

Roman froze. The same room as Patton? “… I’ll go, but you have to stay near me.”

Logan nodded. He led the way down the stairs while Roman followed, entering the dining room through the connected area in the living room. On the table was the box of painting supplies, and Roman ran toward them to start taking them out, trying to ignore the fact that he could see Patton in the corner of his eye. He grabbed a canvas and the cheap paints, as well as a plastic pallet and all the brushes. All that he needed was a cup of water, but…the sink was right next to where Patton was.

Roman drummed his fingers on the table. “…Logan, can you get me a cup of water?”

“Alright.” Logan stood up and grabbed a cup from the cupboard, filling it with water and handing it to Roman. Roman murmured a thank you, and Logan sat back down at his seat. He was grateful that Logan didn’t ask why Roman couldn’t get it himself.

“So, Roman,” Roman stiffened at the sound of Patton’s voice. “Are you an artsy kid?”

Roman gripped hard onto his paints, squirting out a lot more orange than he meant to. “I guess, yeah. I like art.”

“Do you like to paint, or are you more of a sketchy kinda guy?”

“Uh…all of it. Painting, drawing, coloring, I used to make a lot of stuffed animals too.”

“Awww, that sounds adorable!” The oven beeped and Patton put on his oven gloves and pulled out the pizza. “It’s probably best I don’t know how to make stuffed animals though. If I did, this house would be full of little stuffed puppies!”

Roman didn’t respond. He focused completely on mixing red and orange for a perfect sunset color, attempting to get a good gradient with the lack of shade variety. Once he filled in his sunset and blended it with a dark night sky, he mixed his white with a dot of gray and made darker clouds, dotting them above his rough-looking hill. He wanted to add more texture to the bottom of the canvas, maybe some trees, but he didn’t know how to make good ones without a fan brush. Maybe he could add some grass…

“Alright, the pizza is cooled down and ready!” Roman noticed Patton put a plate next to his painting, so he pushed all his supplies out of the way so he could eat. Patton set down more plates around the table as Virgil walked in. “It was a real pizza work if I do say so myself!”

Logan rolled his eyes and Virgil held back a snort, but Roman didn’t quite know how to react. He might have found the dad joke more amusing if he wasn’t so on edge.

Roman took a bite of the pizza. It wasn’t anything spectacular, just a store-bought one that you heat up in the oven and serve, but Roman didn’t realize he was so hungry until now. He had skipped lunch because his nerves about coming here were making his stomach churn, but finally having food near him was bringing back that hunger. Roman’s foot was still tapping violently under the table, but it was progress.

Everyone ate their pizza in silence. It was incredibly awkward on Roman’s end, no stories to tell as this table full of strangers kept making glances at him. Patton was the worst with it. He seemed to want to say something to Roman, continuously making eye contact with him until Roman looked away, but still not saying a word. He couldn’t take it. He hated it, but he hated this silence even more. Roman swallowed the pizza bite he was chewing and opened his mouth.

“So,” Roman started, “what do I…call you anyway?”

“Me?” Patton asked, his eyes lighting up. Why would his eyes light up at that?

“Yeah. Do I say Mr. Sanders, or…?”

“Oh, Patton works just fine! I hear Mr. Sanders way too often at work to wanna hear it at home too!”

“Oh, where- where do you work?” At least it wasn’t so quiet anymore.

“I’m a nurse practitioner for a clinic. It’s a lot of fun, just a lot of work. At least my hours aren’t as crazy as most nurses.”

“Oh that’s…cool.” Roman didn’t know how to continue off of that.

“It is! Is there anything else you wanna ask me, though? Maybe about the house, routines, anything?”

“Well…what are the rules here?” That seemed like a very safe question to have. It could save Roman a lot of trouble, and it could give him more of a read on the kind of parent Patton was.

“Oh, it’s not that much. You’re old enough to clean up after yourself, so make it a habit to pick up your own things and not put that stuff on other people. Be kind to everyone else, and the only rule I’m very strict about is no yelling. You can be loud sometimes, but no angry yelling at anybody here. The last one is to respect others’ privacy. Always knock on someone’s bedroom door before entering. But that’s really it, I think!”

How often do you break that last rule? “That seems reasonable, I suppose.”

Patton smiled. “I think you’ll do just fine here, kiddo. I know it’s hard to start over, but you won’t be alone during it!”

“…Thank you.”

“And I’m sure Virgil and Logan could help out a little bit, since they’ve been in the same situation! Right, you two?”

Virgil was halfway through trying to stick a whole piece of crust in his mouth. “…Uh huh.”

“…Virgil, chew your food.”

“Lo’an ‘old me I cou’ do it!”

“Do not drag me into this.”

Virgil hid his mouth behind his hand as he chewed for a long period of time. “You’re just avoiding your responsibility.”

Logan rolled his eyes. “Well, I’m finished, so try not to choke now.”

“Now I’m gonna choke just to spite you.”

“Please do not start a choking contest, Virge.”

Virgil groaned before swallowing the last of his crust. He followed Logan to the dishwasher and put his plate in, closing it and scurrying away back upstairs. Logan hesitated leaving the dining room, looking between Patton and Roman. Roman couldn’t tell if Patton noticed Logan’s hesitation or if it was just perfect timing, because he also got up and put his plate in the dishwasher.

“When you finish, Roman, just put your dishes away.”

“I can do that.”

Patton smiled and walked off into the living room, sitting on the couch to watch some TV show seemingly about cute puppies and kittens. Logan glanced at Roman again.

“Do you still want me to stay?” Logan asked.

Roman ate the last of his pizza and pushed his plate to the side, grabbing his painting again to put in front of him. It was the most effective thing at calming him down. “…No, I should be okay.”

Logan nodded and walked upstairs. Roman tried to fully immerse himself in his painting, focusing on every last detail and how he could make it better without over-detailing it. Roman put more green on his brush and started to dot at his hill on the bottom, trying to add little blades of textured grass. It was a long process, just enough to take the majority of his focus and calm his hands.

…Roman felt really weird here. It didn’t feel like he lived in this house, now. It felt like he was spending the day with some friends, and his aunt would come pick him up before the sun went down. But no, these new kids were his foster brothers and the adult he was terrified of was expected to act as his new dad. There was no one coming to save him, he was expected to sleep here and eat here and live here. This was supposed to be his safe space.

Roman rubbed at his eyes and shook his head. Don’t focus on that now, he thought. Focus on the painting.

So he did focus. He focused on monotonous texture additions and watching the paint dry on his canvas as he went along, letting the repetitive action calm his mind just a little bit. His calming method seemed to be working too well, actually, as the more details he added and stared at the paint, Roman realized that his constant panic today had completely exhausted him. It wasn’t even seven o’clock yet and Roman could feel his eyelids get heavier. He rubbed at his eyes again and tried to focus.

Roman yawned once. He yawned twice and rubbed his eyes as he kept adding minor details to his painting. Then, after a while, Roman scooted his painting to the side and laid his head down on the table.

***

“…Roman, wake up, please.”

Roman buried his head deeper in his arms. “Come on Roman, it’s late.”

Roman groggily lifted his head up. Patton was sitting in the chair across from him, the lights were all off except for the one light above the dining table. Roman looked around him, and noticed that it was dark outside now. Shit.

“You fell asleep, but that’s okay. It’s bedtime now, and the other two are already in bed, so how about you go get ready and sleep in your bed? I bet it’s comfier than the table.”

Roman dug his palm into his eye. “…What time is it…?”

“About 10:20. You all have bedtime at ten.”

“…But I’m fifteen?” Roman gave Patton a confused and sleepy look. He hasn’t had a bedtime since he was twelve, especially one that was so early. His mom only told him to be in bed by midnight.

Patton smiled. “I’ll let you in on a little secret. Logan is the only one who needs a bedtime, but I don’t want him to feel left out because he’s the only one asleep. So, how about you get ready for bed?”

Roman nodded and got out of his chair. The more he walked, the more he woke up, and he could tell by the time he went back upstairs that he wasn’t going to go back to sleep for a while since he could feel his heartbeat in his chest again. Patton followed him upstairs, turning off the dining room light as they went. Roman got his bathroom bag out from his smaller suitcase and a cotton shirt with sweatpants for pajamas, bringing it all with him to the bathroom. He closed the door as he brushed his teeth for the night, placing his bag in the bottom drawer after he did. He changed into his pajamas carefully, taking the towel on one of the racks to hide his lower half under as he switched pants, taking his other clothes and throwing them into a laundry basket.

When Roman stepped out of the bathroom, Patton was leaning against a wall waiting for him. He smiled at Roman, but Roman still ran past him to get as far away as he could get. Patton didn’t seem to notice, or maybe he just didn’t care. Roman shifted on his feet awkwardly before closing his door.

“Um…goodnight.” He finally said. Patton seemed satisfied with this.

“Goodnight, Roman.”

Roman finally closed the door to his bedroom, waiting until he heard the door on the other end of the hallway open and close. Almost immediately after, as if another force was controlling him, Roman started to tear the place apart.

He checked the charging ports in the walls, the lamp, under the bed’s covers and behind every piece of furniture. He stood on top of his suitcase to check the vents and took out all the drawers in the dresser. He punched the stuffed animals to see if he could feel wires, but he still couldn’t find it. He couldn’t find it.

Roman felt himself start to pant. He refused to go to bed until he found it. No matter how well hidden it was, Roman knew there was a camera in here. He couldn’t stop until he found it.

Roman grabbed the boxes at the top of the closet and tossed everything out of them, checking every spare blanket and binder before throwing them across the room when he found nothing. He took the hangers out of the closet and threw them on the floor, shining his phone light on the wall of the closet to find a hole. Nothing. Nothing, nothing, nothing.

Tears sprung into Roman’s eyes as he choked on his own breath. “Where the hell is it!?” He whispered, slamming the closet door closed and moving to check the bed. He tore the bedsheets off and checked the mattress, lifting it up as well to check the bed frame for anything that could be used to record. Nothing.

“Come on, please-” Roman took out the drawer from the bedside table. Nothing. He unscrewed the lightbulb from the lamp, almost shattering it from his tight grip. Nothing. He threw the lamp onto the bed and kicked the nightstand over. Nothing.

Roman choked out a sob as his whole body started to shake. This wasn’t fair, he spent all that time trying to get away from his dad only to end up in a place that hid cameras better than him. Roman gripped the covers he’d thrown and punched the floor next to them, the ache being an almost pleasant distraction from his own head. But his mind continued to race and his crying didn’t let up. The only thing Roman could manage to get out of his mouth was “No, no!”

Then, between Roman’s sobbing, he heard a knock at the door.

Roman froze in place. A feeling of dread spread through his chest and made his fingers go numb. For a second, Roman forgot to breathe as he remembered he forgot to lock the door.

Roman’s body was stiff, but his mind was going a mile a minute in a desperate attempt to save himself. He could hide in the closet, but since he tore everything out of there, if someone opened the door they’d immediately find him. He could hide under the bed, but without the covers to reach the floor it was easy to see he was under there. Roman choked on his own breath when he realized there was nowhere to hide-

“Roman?” The knock came back to the door, gentler than the first time. It wasn’t Patton’s voice like Roman feared, it was Virgil. Raspy and tired-sounding, but without a doubt Virgil.

“Y-yeah?” Roman squeaked out.

“Uh, can I…can I come in?”

Roman’s death grip on the covers loosened up slightly. “Yes…”

Virgil slowly turned the doorknob and opened it, slipping in through the smallest crack and closing the door slowly so it wouldn’t click. Once he was inside, Virgil’s eyes widened as he took in the sight of the destroyed room. “…Holy shit dude.”

Roman tried to dodge the situation, “What do you want?”

“I was gonna come in here and make a joke, like, ‘quiet down it sounds like a tornado is going through here’, but now I think I predicted the fucking future.” Roman put his head down as Virgil looked around in shock. “What the fuck happened?”

Roman wiped away his tears with the palm of his hands, digging into his eyes so hard he saw stars for a moment. “…There’s a camera in here.”

Virgil backed up more towards the door. “Wait, there is?” He darted his eyes around the room looking for what Roman was talking about. Roman let out a shaky breath.

“I haven’t found it yet, but I know it’s in here somewhere!” More tears went down Roman’s face as he hugged himself. Virgil seemed to realize what Roman was babbling on about. “I know Patton put a camera in here for me and I’m freaking out because I can’t find it!”

Virgil looked around at the mess again. He sighed. “I’m not good at this shit…you’re certain it’s in here?”

“Yes!”

“Hey, hey, don’t yell.” Virgil warned. “Pat and Logan are still asleep and I don’t think you’d like all that extra attention right now.”

He was right. If Logan and Patton came in here, Roman didn’t know what he’d do about it. It was the last thing he wanted, so Roman obeyed. “I just…I don’t know what to do…I can’t sleep until I find it.”

Virgil seemed to be thinking. He tugged on the neck of his pajama shirt before speaking. “How about we both make a deal?”

Roman lifted his head up to look at Virgil. “…Deal?”

“We’ll trade rooms for the night. There wouldn’t be a camera in my room if he’s trying to watch you, right?”

Roman paused. “…What if he’s watching you too?”

“I’ve lived here for two years. You think I wouldn’t have noticed a camera in my room by now?”

Roman thought about it. He did have a point, it was hard to go that long without finding the camera. Or at least, have your guardian have it slip that they’ve been watching you. And anything was better than staying in this place.

“…We can trade. Thanks.”

Virgil shrugged. “You know where my room is. Just slip in and don’t wreck all my shit.”

Roman laughed a little bit at that one. Virgil grabbed the sheets and covers off the floor and began to remake the bed as Roman grabbed his backpack and started to slowly open the door. But before he left, Roman had to say one more thing for his own piece of mind. “…Don’t touch my suitcases. I-I’ll know if you do.”

Virgil raised an eyebrow at him. “…I won’t.”

Roman opened the door and softly closed it behind him, slipping into the room next door covered in caution tape. He turned on the light and set his backpack down on the floor, looking around him at all the things that showed Virgil’s personality. Emo band posters covered the walls that were painted a dark purple, with dark wood furniture and Hot Topic decorations all over the place. Just looking at this room told him how angsty this kid was.

Roman shook it off and unzipped his backpack. He could deal with angsty decorations for the night, so long as this place could be safe from creeps. He took out his secret weapon from his backpack, something he secretly bought behind his aunt’s back with his babysitting money, the one item that made him feel secure in a home. He pulled out the security bar, locked Virgil’s door, and placed it under the door handle. Even if someone undid the lock, they wouldn’t be able to sneak inside while he was sleeping.

Roman’s heart calmed down a little for the first time in weeks. Even if it wasn’t much, he felt safe, maybe even safe enough to get some rest for once. Roman crawled into Virgil’s bed, covering himself in his very tasteful Jack Skellington covers, and tried to rest.

Roman’s hands still shook, and his head felt funny, but he eventually drifted off into a light sleep full of anxiety and nightmares.

[azucanela]

prologue

pairing: bakugou katsuki x fem!reader

warnings: alcohol consumption. cursing.

word count: 3k

summary: the internet is enamored with the idea of y/n l/n and bakugou katsuki, two renowned pro heroes, dating. the first issue? the pair rarely interacts. the second issue? apparently, they hate each other, not that anyone knows about that bit. of course, after one night of many mistakes, the whole world knows. 

series masterlist

THE NIGHT OF THE GALA, it quickly came to Y/N’s attention that she definitely should not have waited til the last minute to get ready. But, her own procrastination had bested her, especially since she didn’t want to go, at all. It isn’t that Y/N wasn’t excited to see all her peers, it’s just that...

Y/N wasn’t excited to see her peers. 

Or anyone for that matter, she was exhausted after having just recently returned from one of her longer missions, and though her publicist had insisted the timing was perfect Y/N had to disagree.

She was really hoping for a break, not to be forced into socializing with everyone. And though Y/N didn’t want to seem arrogant in any way, she was a woman who had amassed quite the influence in her years as a Pro Hero. Meaning people wanted to talk to her, they wanted her favor.

Y/N wasn’t in the mood to have conversations with people faking kindness at the moment, which was the primary reason she found herself grimacing as she slipped on her second heel. Nearly falling to the floor had she not caught herself on the edge of the doorway as she hopped out while adjusting her shoe. 

As though things couldn’t become more chaotic, Y/N’s phone rings, causing her to jump at the sudden noise in shock before cursing, hand reaching into her small purse and digging around for the item as she continues towards her door. Just before she can pick up the phone, the call promptly ends, and a knock sounds at the door— causing Y/N to groan in annoyance as she comes to a proper stand and begins to make her way towards the entrance of her home.

The knocks become more rapid, and Y/N suddenly realizes just who is at her door as she rolls her eyes, calling out, “I’m coming you impatient hag.” 

Y/N can practically hear the scoff of her publicist as she finally opens the door, revealing the woman who stands with her brow raised. “We’re going to be late.”

Before her stands Lorelai Flores, one of the most renowned publicists of their time. Y/N was lucky to have scored her seeing as she was one of few Pro Heroes who hadn’t had a scandal yet, miraculously. In fact, Y/N had been one of her first clients shortly after they’d met in a local café— the woman had come from America and Y/N couldn’t help but wonder if life there was more chaotic with how well she handled all her clients.

The woman in question stands before Y/N in a green dress as she removes her glasses, eyes scanning Y/Ns figure before saying, “you look nice.”

A smile finds its way onto Y/N’s face as she lightly shoves Lorelai, stepping out of her apartment and locking the door behind her before the pair begins to head down the hall, “you look great as well!” 

The click of their heels brings Y/N a satisfaction she cant describe as they exit the apartment complex, Y/N lived in a quiet area, an attempt to escape the unavoidable fame being a Pro Hero brought on. It was especially worse when you saw all the posts.

God, Twitter is insane, Y/N learnt that the hard way. Despite the fact that she and Bakugou Katsuki hadn’t been in the same room since graduation— for a reason— the internet had taken to shipping the pair. It was an idea that Y/N abhorred given her history with the boy. After all, they’d practically been butting heads since they met. 

But it was appealing to the masses, the idea of someone “soft” like Y/N, someone known for their charity work and kindness, their sweet smile and endless optimism. And someone... like Bakugou. Harsh, almost ill-mannered and rude— though there was no denying that he’d made progress since their UA days, not that Y/N could confirm this seeing as she hadn’t seen him in so long. That and the fact that last she checked, most of the major headlines involving Bakugou were... not very positive.

Y/N started to avoid social media once she discovered this ship. She and Bakugou didn’t have the best relationship during their time at UA, it was practically a rivalry in their last year especially. 

“All your friends are going to be there.” Lorelai hummed, scrolling through her phone as she side eyed Y/N, the pair slipping inside a limo with ease once they stepped out of building, met by one of many men that Lorelai had hired. She had insisted that now that Y/N was a Pro Hero, she’d be a target too. And of course, her publicist was right. 

Her brow raises, as she settles in the car, deciding to simply reply, “yes, I’m aware they’ll all be there.” It’s a curious comment, seeing as it was an obvious fact. They were all heroes, and given their history with UA, well... the world had been anticipating their debuts for a while. Meaning they all quickly rose to fame, some faster than others, and some remaining in the spotlight far longer. 

Surprisingly, Y/N was included in that bunch, unsurprisingly, Bakugou, Todoroki and Midoriya were as well. Tokoyami had also carved out a nice spot for himself at Hawks’ agency, and Yaoyorozu had managed to become a sidekick to a rather renowned upcoming hero. 

Y/N had also earned a spot at Hawks’ agency, the man demanding her presence because she had “reminded him of himself,” for some reason. And seeing as he was one of the top heroes, who was she to disagree? The man seemed to understand her desire for distance, allowing her to go on missions that tended to be further out from where she’d grown up. And she was more thankful for the space.

She’d taken to philanthropy as soon as the money started coming in. Y/N had never understood just how much money Pro Heroes made until she was earning it as well. Although, seeing as she wasn’t ranked all that high, it wasn’t until she started branching out and doing other work that it became ridiculous.

“All of your friends, Ms. L/N.” Lorelai looks up to her, brow raised as she crosses her legs, resting her clasped hands on top of them.

Y/N offers her a tight lipped smile before waving her off, “I told you to call me Y/N, we’ve known each other how long?” 

“Don’t change the subject.”

Sighing, Y/N shifts uncomfortably in her seat, eyes drifting towards the window to see there are already dozens of flashing lights lined up, surrounding the venue of the gala, hoping to catch one of the Pro Heroes before anyone else does.

With a sigh, Lorelai directs her eyes outside as well, hands clasped together as she straightens herself in her seat, “funny isn’t it? That such a vital job requires so much publicity?” A tight lipped smile forms on their face, “I suppose I should be grateful for it. After all, it’s the reason I have a job but...”

But, Y/N hated it, and so did Lorelai. 

“It’s horrid that my dress matters more than any life I save.” 

And with that, the car comes to a stop. Alerting them that they’ve arrived, coupled with a short and swift knock on the door to signal that it’s time to get out. 

Inhaling deeply, Y/N looks back to Lorelai, who takes out a pocket mirror and removes her glasses, Lorelai eyes herself in the mirror momentarily, blinking once, twice, before saying, “most people don’t bring their publicists to such events you know.”

A small laugh escapes Y/N, and she knows its Lorelai’s attempt at helping her wind down before going inside, though she replies, “you’re more than my publicist.” Offering her a smile, Y/N simply says, “and why suffer alone when I can bring my friend, and who else will make sure I don’t do anything dumb?” 

It was true, it was always nice to have a partner at such functions, someone to hang around or return to. Or more accurately, someone to use as an excuse to leave the more annoying conversations. Though Lorelai always enjoyed the free foods and gift bags— that had items worth more than her rent, Lorelai had once said— and agreed to join Y/N/

Rolling her eyes, Lorelai simply knocks at the door, letting their chauffeur know it’s time before momentarily turning back to Y/N as they say, “ladies first.”

And with that, the door opens, revealing the pair to the world and exposing them to all the flashing lights of the mob awaiting them. People shouting out her Pro Hero name, Empatha.

Named for her quirk, Empathic Mimicry. Granting her to use the ability of those she touches for as long as she wants. However, in that period of time, she can feel their emotions and pain, and the quirk she uses comes with the setbacks of the user. If the person she touches is quirkless, it is possible to get other skills of theirs, but once again there are setbacks. 

Todoroki spent much of his free time at UA theorizing that she and Monoma Neito were secretly related in some way. Monoma on the other hand, seemed bitter about the fact that Y/N was “a better version” of him. Despite this, the memory of Todoroki’s odd question brings a genuine smile to her face as she steps onto the red carpet, swiftly making her way past as she waves towards the cameras. 

It’s just as overwhelming as it was the first time. And the second time. And the time after that. Even if Y/N had taught herself to control her abilities, no longer feeling the emotions of those surrounding her. But she didn’t need her ability to feel the excitement, anxiety— and worst of all the ambition. Ambition tended to be dangerous in the hero world. The reason behind unnecessary deaths, and exposed scandals. In Y/N’s experience it was a dangerous emotion, but she wouldn’t deny it had produced some impressive people. 

The lights are blinding as Y/N maneuvers inside, colliding with someone, warm hands come to rest on her forearms as the person in question mutters out, “watch where you’re going.”

Y/N finds herself freezing, recognizing him almost instantly. By the time her eyes have readjusted to the light, she finds that Bakugou is staring right back at her, mouth gaped open.

“You’ve got to be kidding me.” Y/N scoffs, tearing her arm from his grasp as he quickly as she attempts to collect herself, inhaling deeply.

Y/N probably should’ve guessed it was him from the screams, pose for a picture! Why don’t you two get a little closer! Can you comment on your relationship? They’re yelling for Bakugou too, wondering why he finally decided to make an appearance. Y/N is curious as well, for different reasons of course.

Bakugou is rolling his eyes before she can continue, “please, it’s not like I wanted to see you either.” 

Y/N nods slowly, offering him a bitter smile as she inhaled deeply— taking a few steps back. “Great to see you Bakugou, truly.” Sarcasm dripping from her tone as she stands beside him begrudgingly, putting on a false smile, “I hate you just as much as I used to.” 

Pausing, Bakugou’s hand comes to hover over her waist, as he stares into the cameras, muttering, “why?” 

“We both have reputations to maintain, do we not?” Comes her response, looking to him, Y/N reminds herself not to scowl as she straightens herself beside him, waving to a group of people and inciting more screams as she beams from beside Bakugou.

His laugh is a bitter one as he replies, “right.” Y/N inhales shakily, removing herself from Bakugou as she offers him a sarcastic smile, “thanks for the show, Sweetheart, but you aren’t all that important. You aren’t doing me any favors right now.”

A laugh escapes her, and the number of flashes increases exponentially, only for her to turn to Bakugou and say, “really now? Well, I suppose you’re right I’m not important seeing as you’re the one on the front page every week for a different scandal.” Bakugou looks away, scoffing, and Y/N nearly flips him off before reminding herself where she is and saying, “And I don’t want your thanks. I don’t want anything from you.”

And then she’s off, offering tight lipped smiles to those around her as she moved further into the venue for the gala, grabbing a drink off the tray of a passing waiter, Y/N mumbled out words of thanks before downing the drink instantly. Making her way past each person when a hand grabs her wrist.

“Y/N?”

Izuku Midoriya, better known as Pro Hero Deku, had intercepted Y/N on her way to the sanctuary of every party. The bathroom. Though he was probably the best person to have caught her, and undoubtedly someone she actually wanted to speak with. Y/N had a feeling he could tell something was wrong from the way he looked at her, concern clear in his eyes, Izuku was always easy to read. But she had somewhere to be and—

And Bakugou would be entering anytime soon. And what infuriated Bakugou more than she did? Izuku Midoriya.

So, Y/N puts a smile on her face as she says, “hey Midoriya.” She clears her throat, moving to stand beside him as she asks, “how are you doing?” 

He beams back at her, his smile as genuine as ever as he responds, “I’m well! And so are you it seems, there are rumors that you’ll be entering the top 100 heroes this year, you know?” 

Y/N had heard such rumors as well, if they were true, she’d be the first of her class to become a part of the top 100. Seeing as they were still basically fresh out of UA, it would be quite the achievement for her to do so at such a young age. Rivaling the progression of even Pro Hero Hawks. 

Raising a brow Y/N shoves him lightly, “scouting out the competition are you, Midoriya?” 

Midoriya’s eyes widen and he immediately begins shaking his head as his cheeks flush a bright red, “absolutely not!” He exclaims, “I’m just so amazed by how far you’ve come and it’s been so long since I’ve seen you.” 

A small laugh escapes her at his reaction, her eyes drifting towards her empty glass as she replies, “well I have no doubt that if I do miraculously enter the top 100, you’ll be close behind.” Inhaling deeply, she meets his eyes, “now if you’ll excuse me, I was on my way to the restroom when you caught me.” Once again, his cheeks flush a light pink as he begins to sputter apologies, and Y/N simply smiles as she says, “but we should definitely catch up sometime soon, maybe we can hang out sometime soon?”

A bashful smile finds its way onto his face as he nods slowly, “yeah. I would like that.”

And with that, Y/N waves goodbye to him continuing to the bathroom and managing to avoid any more conversations though few tried. Likely hoping for some good publicity themselves, she could see people beginning to swarm Deku in the distance now— and Y/N finds herself feeling bad that she left him so soon.

But as Y/N makes her way inside the restroom, it finally hits her.

Lorelai meant it when she said all her peers are coming, the woman had probably meant it as a warning. It was rare for Bakugou to attend social events, especially since they rarely ended well when it came to him. Most days, he ended up the headline of every single news sources when it came to his public events, rarely did Bakugou have a good run in with the press. Y/N was shocked he’d made it this far in the hero industry with his poor reputation only worsening at every event.

Oh she needed a drink. Y/N needed a lot of drinks. She couldn’t do this right now, not at all.

But more importantly, she needed fun, she needed lots of fun. So, taking one last look at the mirror, Y/N inhales deeply before exiting the restroom, spotting Izuku Midoriya almost instantly. She makes her way towards him, calling out for him, “Midoriya!” Her words distract him from his conversation, drawing the attention of those around then and the people who were initially speaking to him. 

The boy seems relieved that someone has come to save him from whatever conversation he was having, waving to Y/N as he says, “Y/N?”

A grin comes onto her face as she extends a hand to him, looking to those around him, “sorry to interrupt but—” She turns back to Izuku, “may I have this dance?

He offers her a nervous smile, only sparing those around him a glance as he replies, “definitely.” 

And with that, she drags him to the dance floor, and Y/N can feel the eyes on her as she does. It certainly is a curious sight. Two of the big up and coming heroes heading to the dance floor together after barely any public interactions. Y/N is sure that once the word gets out the internet will be going insane, and so will the press. Weaving together stories of insanity to boost their readership.

At this rate, Y/N didn’t care. 

This was Y/N L/N’s first mistake of the night, but it certainly wouldn’t be her last seeing as by the end of the night, Y/N L/N and Bakugou Katsuki would be on every front page and headline. 

note: lmk how this was pls i need validation <3

[contemplativepancakes]

the thorny heart of a wolf

3.5k of it being increasingly obvious that Jaskier has written a romance novel about Geralt while Geralt is increasingly oblivious. read this and my other witcher fics on ao3 here!

Geralt stirs the smoldering logs, brooding as the poker makes ash and ember drift up. His nose twitches at the smokiness of it, but it reminds him of comforting nights spent near the fire with good food and better company. Geralt rarely makes a fire when he’s by himself, but Jaskier insists on complaining about his cold feet all night if Geralt doesn’t keep their campsite warm enough. 

Eskel clears his throat obnoxiously, making Geralt look up at him. It’s a rare night in the keep where Vesemir couldn’t think of any additional chores or maintenance that needed done, so they had scurried away before something came to him. 

Geralt peers at the book in Eskel’s hand, not recognizing it from the library. It’s a garish purple that’s frankly an affront to Geralt’s eyes. “What are you reading?” 

Eskel snaps it shut. “Nothing.”

Geralt quirks an eyebrow. “I’m sure you won’t mind me taking a look at it, then.”

“Geralt, really, I’m just trying to protect you from yourself.”

Geralt holds his hand out, and Eskel reluctantly hands it over. Lambert snickers from his corner, and Geralt levels him with a glare. Even Aiden looks amused, and Geralt’s mood sours at the laugh at his apparent expense. He looks at the cover in surprise. Luminescent yellow eyes peer back at him from a shirtless man with an impressive abdomen. Geralt thumbs through the book, and the word witcher catches his eye. “This is about...us?”

He looks back down at it, eyebrows lifting in surprise as graphic descriptions leap off the page at him. “Is this a romance?” he asks incredulously. 

“‘And he prodded the smaller man’s backdoor with his throbbing meat stick, plunging in with a wet squelch,’” Lambert quotes. “Yeah, I think it’s a romance.”

Geralt makes a face and throws the book at Lambert. Aiden catches it right before it hits Lambert square in the nose, and Geralt shakes his head. “Should have let it hit the ass. It’s the least he deserves.”

“Hey, I haven’t even told you the best part yet,” Lambert says. “We’re pretty sure it’s about you.”

“That’s ridiculous,” Geralt scoffs, glancing at Eskel with narrowed eyes. 

Eskel’s look does not exactly inspire confidence. “You and the main character do have a suspicious amount of shared scars.”

“Coincidence.”

Eskel bites his lip, but he doesn’t say anything else. He’ll let Geralt live in blissful ignorance for now. 

Lambert pages through the book, his head laying back on Aiden’s lap. “Did you get a new scar on your ass since last winter?”

The meat of Geralt’s ass where a griffin tore into him twinges. “Fuck off.”

-

Geralt is two hours out on his journey away from Kaer Mohren when he feels a hard edge digging into him from his pack. He adjusts it, trying to stop whatever it is from poking him, but it’s bulky and it won’t settle right. Geralt digs a hand into his pack, fishing around until he finds it. It’s a—book? Geralt pulls it out and squints at the cover, recognizing it as what Eskel had been reading. No doubt one of his brothers had thought this would be a funny joke. Geralt considers tossing it alongside the road, but as he looks thoughtfully at the cover with two shirtless men clutching at each other, his curiosity wins out. The Thorny Heart of a Wolf, the cover says.

He tucks it back into his satchel.

Later, after the sun has set, and he’s gone as far as he can for the day—certainly not travelling in the vague direction of Oxenfurt to see whose path his own might end up crossing—Geralt pulls out the book. He flips through pages at the beginning, reading that the witcher’s love interest is a viscount. Geralt huffs a laugh under his breath that someone resembling anything close to nobility would willingly follow around a witcher. 

Geralt thumbs through it until he reaches the middle, a faint blush rising to his cheeks as his eyes flicker across the page. 

The witcher moaned at the sight of his lover stroking himself as he leaned against the tree. Eric’s eyes were black, and the color spread to the veins standing out in stark contrast to his pale face. Julian palmed himself through his trousers as Eric moved closer, his breath hot on Julian’s bared neck, his head tossed back in pleasure. 

Eric paused with his hands just shy of Julian’s chest. Julian took the step forward and wrapped his arms around Eric gently. Julian knew just how overstimulated Eric got when his blood was black with toxicity. Eric buried his face in Julian’s neck, scenting him with a deep sniff. Julian wrapped his fingers into Eric’s long gray hair, tugging at the strands a bit and making Eric moan. 

Eric nipped his way up Julian’s neck, sucking a bruise onto the soft flesh and staking his claim. Julian felt his member twitch at the thought that people would notice it tomorrow, that they would look between him and his handsome witcher and connect the dots. 

Geralt presses the heel of his hand over his crotch and resolutely does not grind down. He casts a furtive glance around him, and seeing nothing creeping from the tree line to rip out his intestines while he’s distracted, he turns his attention back to the book. 

Julian caught Eric’s lips in a messy kiss, bringing his fingers up to trace the black veins spider webbing out from his eyes. Eric ducked his head, but Julian brought his hand under Eric’s chin, tilting it back up and gentling their kiss. “You’re beautiful,” he whispered, and the sentiment echoed into the night and made Eric’s heart twist. 

Geralt sets the book down on his lap and stares up at the leaves swaying in the breeze. He sticks his thumb in the book, marking his spot as he flips it over and looks for the author. They can’t have any firsthand experience with witchers if this is the sort of thing they’re writing. He runs his fingers over the embossed letters on the spine. Dandelion Pankratz, it proclaims in shiny gold. Geralt hums to himself in curiosity as he flips back to his page and skips forward a bit, eager to get to the good parts and stop having an existential crisis. 

Julian reached behind himself, his fingers slick with a neutral smelling oil. Eric sniffed the air, his senses still extra heightened from his elixirs and shuddered as he drank in the scent of Julian’s and his own arousal mingling. Eric moved forward, catching Julian’s hand and replacing the fingers with his own. 

Julian stifled a cry as Eric found his prostate, leaning forward and muffling his gasps into Eric’s shoulder. Julian brought a hand up to wrap around Eric’s cock, engorged and black veined from the elixirs. Julian shuddered at the thought of that monstrous thing inside him, his stomach tingling in anticipation. 

The first time he and Eric had done this, Eric had squinted at him doubtfully. “Are you sure it’s going to fit?”

Julian had laughed and showed him exactly how well it filled in all his gaps. 

Eric finished stretching him out, and Julian positioned Eric until he was right where he wanted him. Julian sunk down slowly on Eric’s cock, moaning as the prominent veins rubbed against his walls. Eric reached around him to grasp his cock, and he stroked it in time to Julian’s rhythm. 

Geralt swallows hard, palming at his cock before pulling it out of his pants. He trails his fingers over the head as he holds the book awkwardly in one hand, continuing to read as he gets himself off. 

“Oh, fuck, Eric, you feel so good, darling.”

Eric was never one for eloquent declarations at the best of times, and in the middle of sex was typically the worst of times. Eric grunted, but Julian understood the sentiment. 

“I love you, too,” he gasped as he came. 

Geralt drops the book with a thud and pulls his hand away from himself. This author must never have met a real life witcher before, if they think that witchers are capable of being loved, that they deserve to be cherished. Geralt stares at his erection, willing it to go down. It doesn’t, and he vehemently does his pants back up anyway, hissing as the fabric presses rough against the sensitive flesh. 

Geralt shoves the book to the bottom of his pack like it’s burned him, and as he tries to fall asleep that night, he tosses and turns. 

-

Eskel raps on the door three times before he stands back and waits. He waits for ten seconds, twenty, until a woman opens the door just a smidge and stares out at him from the crack. “Can I help you?” 

Eskel is caught off guard at her suspicious squint, so he splutters for a second before regathering his wits. He pulls a book out of his pack, and her eyes widen at the sight. “Where did you get that?” she hisses, beckoning him inside urgently. “The author made it very clear it wasn’t supposed to be seen by any witchers.”

Eskel’s surprised by this. It’s not like people go to great lengths to hide what they think of witchers, and at least this author doesn’t paint them through a lens of disdain. “How exactly were you going to accomplish that?” Eskel asks, in genuine curiosity. Witchers travel all over the continent, and seeking new knowledge isn’t exactly out of the ordinary for them.

The woman tilts her head, considering. “I suppose it was more of a meaningless platitude than anything.”

“Excellent. That means you can tell me who this writer is.”

The woman shakes her head rapidly. “No, no, definitely not.”

“Why not?”

“Well, I don’t know, what if you decide to take revenge on them for what they’ve written?”

Eskel frowns. “Have you read this?” he asks.

The woman blushes and nods. 

“So why would I want revenge? Is there some offense hidden between the lines?”

“Well, no,” the woman hedges. “You’re an unpredictable sort, though. There’s no telling what you might do.”

Eskel huffs and rolls his eyes. For being so unpredictable, this woman is sure comfortable insinuating things about him and not giving him what he wants. 

“Just tell me who it is, and then I can be on my way.”

“I can’t say,” she says, tilting her chin up. 

Eskel sighs. He can tell a lost cause when he sees one. “You know, this isn’t the first romance about witchers I’ve seen,” he says, trying a different tack. 

“Maybe so, but the rest are all knock offs,” she informs him smugly. “They don’t even have experience with real witchers. This one’s the best there is out there. There’s even going to be a sequel.”

Eskel hums thoughtfully. “I imagine there’s been an uptick in interest after that accursed song.”

“That’s right!” the woman says, before clamming up and refusing to say anything else. 

The wheels turn in Eskel’s head. 

-

Geralt looks through the smoke wafting up from the campfire over to Jaskier, who’s furiously scribbling something in his notebook. They’ve just been on the road for the past four days, so Geralt’s not sure what he could be writing about with such fervor. It’s not like there’s been much inspiration. 

Jaskier’s quill continues to fly across the page, so Geralt pulls out his own book. It’s too dark for Jaskier to be able to see the cover, he reasons. He props his legs up on a log and opens it up to where he left off. 

“Julian, wait!” Eric cried. “Come with me.”

Julian looked up in surprise. “Really?”

“It… it gets lonely, being without you all winter long.”

Julian wound his arms around Eric. “You’re not the only one.”

Eric looked inordinately pleased at the statement, and he slotted their mouths together delicately. 

Julian kissed him for a moment before pulling back. “I’m not going to break, you know.”

“I know,” Eric murmured, but he kept the same slow pace. 

There’s a sudden flurry of movement that draws Geralt’s attention away from the page. “Geralt! What in the world are you reading?”

“A bestiary?” Geralt tries. 

Jaskier is practically in his lap before Geralt can think about it too much, swiping the book right out of Geralt’s hands. “Where did you get this?” Jaskier asks. 

“Eskel gave it to me.”

Jaskier rolls his eyes. “And where did Eskel get it?”

“I think Lambert.”

“Did every single witcher read this?” Jaskier shrills. 

Geralt shrugs. “I don’t think Vesemir did?”

Jaskier presses the book to his chest. “Are you liking it?” he asks, eyeing Geralt closely. 

“It’s not bad,” Geralt says gruffly. “But it’s not very realistic.”

“I hate to break this to you, but realism in sex scenes are not exactly a romance writer’s chief concern.”

Geralt rolls his eyes. “Not that. I just—no human could think about a witcher like that.”

Jaskier looks like he has something he wants to say, but he bites his tongue, settling on giving Geralt a disbelieving look out of the corner of his eye. 

Geralt turns his attention back to feeding the fire. “So, what did you do all winter?”

Jaskier huffs. “Believe it or not, I do have a life when you’re not around, you know.”

Geralt knows. Gods, does he know. There’s a whole life that Jaskier has that Geralt isn’t a part of, not at all. He wonders how many of Jaskier’s friends approve of them travelling together. Most likely none of them, if Geralt is being honest with himself. And why would they? Geralt wouldn’t be happy if he found out Eskel had decided to travel with some dangerous monster. 

“I know.”

Jaskier hums thoughtfully. “Well, I had this whirlwind affair. It kept me quite busy all winter, I’m afraid. Not very much time for much else. I’ll spare you the details.”

Geralt grunts. 

-

Eskel leans back in his chair and looks at Yennefer suspiciously. “So it’s not you?”

Yennefer slants an amused smile his way. “Definitely not. I am rather enjoying it, though,” she says, drawing Eskel’s attention to her table, where she’s tapping her fingers on a copy of the book. “Who knew witchers could be so in touch with their emotions?”

Eskel snorts. “Can I see it?” Lambert had taken his copy, telling Eskel he had snuck his own into Geralt’s things. Eskel had laughed at the thought enough that he had handed his over. 

Yennefer hands it over and Eskel thumbs through the pages, humming softly. He had skimmed through it before, but this time he’s looking for anything that might give him hints of the author. 

Eskel lands on the main character’s name. Eric. The name niggles at the back of Eskel’s mind, and he racks his brains to remember the significance. It hits him then, and the image of a young Geralt sitting on the bed across from him and grinning comes to mind. Geralt had barely been able to get the words out because he had been so full of self satisfaction. “Geralt Roger Eric du Haute-Bellegarde,” he had finally said, adopting a solemn tone before dissolving into laughter again.  

Geralt had been poking fun of the ridiculously long names of the nobles, wanting to adopt one for himself. Vesemir had given him a sharp no, so the idea was shelved, and just Geralt took its place. 

Eskel is more convinced than ever that whoever wrote this knows Geralt well, and at this point, it’s so obvious that the story is about Geralt, it’s laughable. 

Eskel thinks he has a pretty clear idea of who it must be.

-

Geralt knows who wrote the book. The thought has been bothering him for weeks, and even though a few nights ago, Jaskier had tripped while he was carrying the book and dropped it straight into the fire, Geralt hasn’t stopped thinking about it. 

He’s decided that the book is mostly accurate to witchers, so the author must have some experience with them—but only a little. There’s no way anyone would write about witchers the way that author does if they truly knew them, knew someone like Geralt. The book talks as if Eric is deserving of love, and while that’s a nice sentiment, witchers are just meant to kill monsters. They walk the Path alone. 

On top of that, it’s someone who’s seen the wicked looking scar on his ass, and that narrows down the list quite considerably. The griffin had torn into him last spring, and Geralt doesn’t typically seek out people to sleep with while Jaskier is with him. 

In fact, the last time he had been with someone was on his way out of Oxenfurt when he had dropped Jaskier off last winter, when he had run into a rather charming bard who he certainly had not slept with solely because he reminded him of someone else. 

The writer has to be Valdo Marx. 

Geralt turns to Jaskier, who is predictably scribbling in his notebook. Geralt supposes he must be composing another song; he’s had to have come up with at least in a dozen this year so far with as much writing as he does. 

Geralt nudges Jaskier’s foot with his, and Jaskier looks up after a few more seconds of rushed writing. “What?”

“I know who wrote that book.”

Jaskier’s face twists into something Geralt can’t place. 

“What book?”

Geralt huffs in exasperation; it’s as if Jaskier is being obstinate on purpose. “You don’t remember the book you pitched into the fire? I still had one more chapter to go,” he complains. 

Jaskier scratches the back of his neck. “Oh, that book? Who?”

“Valdo Marx, have you heard of him? He’s another bard, not that I expect all of you to be acquainted with each other, of course,” Geralt rambles until Jaskier cuts him off. 

“You—you think—Valdo Marx wrote that?”

There’s a sour distressed smell wafting off of Jaskier, and Geralt frowns. “Do you know him?”

“Know him?” Jaskier laughs. “Yes. And I can't believe you think he wrote that."

“Well, I do.”

Jaskier rubs a hand over his face. “And what do you plan on doing with this new found knowledge?”

“I have to...talk to him, I think.”

“Oh?”

Yes, Geralt has to talk to him, has to know if what he wrote is what he truly thinks of witchers. Geralt’s not used to people assuming he’s anything but a monster. 

He wants to get used to it. 

-

It’s not a long journey to Oxenfurt from where they are, but it’s compounded by the three contracts Geralt picks up along the way. Jaskier is generally huffy at Geralt, and Geralt’s asked him what’s wrong on three separate occasions, but Jaskier just says, “Nothing,” with a dramatic sigh and walks away mumbling to himself. 

Geralt has no idea what his problem is. 

Jaskier gets more and more worked up the closer they get, a fruit senescence smell drifting off of him that has Geralt wrinkling his nose at the sickly sweetness of it all. Geralt even makes sure they make it to an inn to sleep one night so Jaskier can perform and hopefully improve his mood, but he just sulks in their room all night. 

Jaskier usually has no problem curling up next to Geralt and trying to leech all the warmth out of him that he can, putting his ice cold feet on Geralt’s under the blanket, but that night, there’s an ocean dividing them, and Geralt doesn’t know how to get across. 

It’s a long night, one in which Geralt manages to get very little sleep because of Jaskier’s tossing and turning next to him. Geralt doesn’t even have the heart to growl at him to stay still because it’s obvious he’s upset about something or other. 

“Is this about your romance this winter?” Geralt finally asks. 

Jaskier doesn’t answer for a long while. 

“You could say that.”

-

Eventually, Geralt finds himself in front of Valdo’s house. It looks vaguely familiar, as it should, when the last and only time Geralt had been here was almost a year ago. 

Geralt raises his hand and knocks, and then Jaskier’s warm hand is on his wrist. 

“Geralt, wait.”

Geralt turns to him with raised eyebrows. “What?”

“Geralt, it’s me.”

“What do you mean?”

“It’s me! I wrote the books!”

Geralt’s head spins. The answer has not been sitting in front of his face this entire time. He’s not that oblivious. Hell, his whole damn job depends on him not being oblivious. “My ass,” he says weakly. 

Jaskier takes a step back. “What?”

“The scar. How would you know?”

Jaskier throws his hands up in exasperation. “You’re not exactly modest, Geralt. Excuse me if I couldn’t exactly keep my eyes to myself. You know, you were rather vague about why you thought the writer was Valdo fucking Marx of all people. Want to expound? On how he’s seen your ass?”

Geralt grins weakly. “I don’t think we need to get into that.”

Jaskier grumbles to himself. He looks Geralt in the eye before seeming to make a decision, and before Geralt knows what’s happening, he’s being tugged into a very heated kiss. 

The door swings open, and Jaskier pulls back just long enough to sneer in its direction. 

He slams the door shut. “Fuck off, Valdo.”

[thefanficmonster]

Never Satisfied [Chapter 5]

Corpse Husband x Original Female Character

Warnings: !!DETAILED DESCRIPTION OF A PANIC ATTACK!!; Language

A collaboration between Vy & Ashens 🖤

Note from the authors: Hello dear readers! This chapter, as mentioned in the warnings above, has a detailed description of a panic attack which might be highly triggering for some individuals. That being said this chapter is NOT A MUST-READ. You can understand the further progression of the story perfectly well without reading this chapter. If you decide to skip this chapter, which we recommend if you are easily triggered, we’ll be seeing you in the next chapter. If you’re sticking around for the ride, enjoy 🖤🖤🖤

“headed for a breakdown“

“I’ll catch you later, feel free to text me anytime.” Cora smiles warmly, standing outside Corpse’s apartment complex, where they’ve spent almost half an hour just talking in his car before she finally mentioned she had to get going which led to them both stepping out of the car and into the late afternoon air. At first, Corpse thought it must have been something he had said or did but before the panic could start eating away at his calmness, Cora was quick to reassure him, promising she had a client meeting her in about two hours which is why she needed to get going.

Now he finds himself standing in his apartment, feeling cold and alone. He feels like a huge chunk is missing from his life now, despite that very chunk not even being a part of it just a few hours prior. He allowed Cora to bring him some happiness, relief and ease for those few hours, and now that she’s gone, he realizes how unprepared he is to be dealing with his loneliness again. He’s aware he shouldn’t get this attached to someone he barely knows, or to anyone really, but she made him feel so much, and none of the feelings unpleasant: she allowed him security, safety, comfort; she gave him some of the most genuine laughs of his life, managed to speed up his heart because of excitement and joy, not anxiety or insecurity. She provided him with what he’s been longing for for so long, and she did all that in less than a day.

With all that taken into consideration, one would find him missing her more than reasonable, but Corpse isn’t so easy on himself. Quite the contrary actually, he’s scolding himself for it in this very moment as he paces the living room. 

He shifts from one foot to the other, tipping his head down as he carefully toes off his shoes. He stops in one spot suddenly, feeling himself consumed by the deafening silence, a lump starting to form in his throat as well as tightness building in his jaw. The telling sign. His eyes sting, burning red and painful. His head is swarmed, buzzing statically like a TV on a dead air channel.

I fucked up

I fuck everything up

I am a fuck up

These thoughts begin to cloud his brain with such intensity there is no way of him even having a chance at fighting them or pushing them away. They take firm hold on his brain and refuse to let go. He’s no stranger to them but that doesn’t mean he has any defenses ready for when they show themselves. He’s helpless and hopeless even after all the times he’s had to deal with them though it seems like they get progressively stronger instead of weaker.

This time, they appear the strongest yet.

Tears burn his eyes so he covers one eye with the palm of his hand in a hopeless attempt at keeping them at bay, choking out a soft noise from his throat as everything starts welling up in his heart, causing him excruciating pain in his chest. 

He’s sure he did something wrong. Said the wrong thing. Had the wrong reaction. Messed something up. 

He plays every second back in his mind over and over again, searching between the lines of conversation, skimming through each word they exchanged for something, anything that would indicate that his worries and anxiety are grounded and concrete. His heart is galloping, his mind is going haywire. He doesn’t know what to do with himself, how to defend himself against the raging storm that has taken over his head and the incoming waves of negativity that are for sure to attack him in the horrible, painful minutes to come.

He wants to sit down, lie down, anything just to get off his shaking feet and relieve his knees that are threatening to give up on him any second now. However, he simultaneously wants to punch a wall, a mirror, break something, ruin something as a piece of evidence that he always ruins things for himself and others. That he is exactly what he claims to be - a fuck up.

You aren’t worth it

You aren’t good enough

You are never good enough

People deserve better than you

They don’t want you around

She doesn’t want you

AND IT’S ALL YOUR FAULT

His mind races, spins, betrays him, leaves him to drown in the darkness that is slowly consuming him. The room feels both too big and too small at the same time, suffocating yet he feels so small in comparison to it. His knees finally give, let him down just like his mind has and he drops down to his knees, clutching at his chest. Breaths come at a rapid pace as he starts hyperventilating, wheezing and sobbing with each passing moment, barely able to squeeze enough air into his lungs as to not pass out. He digs his nails into the carpet in desperate attempts to ease the pain or just to keep himself awake and stable, as stable as he could possibly be during a panic attack.

Pity Grief  Loneliness Disgust  Sorrow Dread

His checkpoint isn’t here and the demons in his head are telling him she’ll never be again. Telling him he isn’t worth it, telling him she deserves better and shouldn’t be wasting her time on him anyway. 

He forces himself to his still and even more so unsteady feet, swaying dangerously before finding some weak stability to carry himself to his room to avoid being any more miserable than he already is by lying on the floor. His body doesn’t seem to agree with him though, flashing warning signs at him that he shouldn’t be standing up right now. He ignores all the warnings, the clouded and then vignetted vision, the much harder process of breathing and the retching that is steadily climbing from the pit of his stomach up towards his throat.

All signs telling him this is not a battle he can win.  

                                                               *  *  *

Corpse wakes up on the floor, having dropped before he could reach his bed, vomit beside him. His breathing is shaky, almost as much as his hands. Ignoring the warning signs yet again he pushes himself in a sitting position, causing his head to spin even worse due to the sudden movement which is the last thing he needed in this state the panic attack has left him in.

I blacked out. I can’t even have a panic attack right, He thinks to himself, the toxicity remaining in his mind just to pollute it for the next couple of days or so.

He’s trembling horribly yet he still chooses to not allow himself the rest he so desperately needs and instead gets up onto his feet to clean the mess on the carpet he’ll probably need to buy a stain remover for. His jaw clenches, his shaking hands doing a poor job at making anything better, actually worsening the situation he’s trying to fix. With another fail added to his list of fuck ups, he gives up on the carpet, removing his stained sweatshirt with force and throwing it across the room before he climbs into bed, wrapping the blankets around him like a safety cocoon.

Just as he thinks he’s about to drift off to sleep, his only refuge, his phone chimes, startling him more than it probably should’ve.

Out of instinct, he reaches out and fishes for it among the many items littering his nightstand. Finally feeling the rectangular device under his touch, he retrieves it and checks what the chime is alerting him of.

It’s a text from an unknown number but the message’s content clears up the identity of the sender right away.

Digital Checkpoint activated. Reply to save progress. 💜 — Cora

With minimal contemplation he replies seconds later.

Corpse: save

Cora: your progress has been saved. Thank you for choosing A.S.S. - the Automated Save System. You are now free to activate the digital checkpoint at any time. 

Cora: I had a nice time. Text me whenever you need to. We’ll hang out again soon, deal?

Corpse: thank you

Cora: anytime sugar ;)

Funny how a text exchange so simple and short can turn so much around for a person. Funny how a huge weight lifts off him the second he locks his phone, suddenly finding it easier to breathe, to move, to blink, to function - to live. She gives him that kick he needs to be reminded to live and not just be alive. He’s still not comfortable with how much he’s relying on her but seeing her effect on him is nothing but positive, the most and best thing he can do for himself is go with the flow and let things happen. No overthinking, no planning, no shooting guesses, just facing things as they come face-to-face with him. He may never get used to it, but he won’t know that until he tries, will he?

@fockingwhore  @vixenl  @annshit  @wineandionysus  @wiseflamingoqueen

[pluviophile-bookworm]

High School Musical: The Musical: The Series: The Rewatch pt. 4

I really need a pick-me-up after 2x11, and I feel like 1x7 might be what I'm looking for, so here I am again with another HSMTMTS rewatch. I'm genuinely so excited for both of these episodes, so without further ado, let's jump right into

1x6: She stands for... lies, pressure and very inappropriate suggestions (coming here after 2x11 might have been a mistake, actually)

I honestly don't get why Nini's reaction to seeing Ricky in full Troy costume was so big — he actually looked pretty ok to me. Sure, the wig is a bit too much, but so what, it's cute.

Ahhh my boy Reddy is so adorable in that talking head... 'click!' Gosh, I love seeing him so cheerful! Guess he's embracing his role as part of the crew. As he should.

'I'm home'. Yes, Sebby, and you look so good, too! Gosh, I love this scene so much. I can't believe I'd forgotten about it.

Gina looks beautiful, though — I mean, she looks beautiful in anything, but I really like the Taylor look on her.

Ok, I fully understand everyone's frustration about this picture — it's genuinely so hard to get a good picture of someone jumping up in the air, and I can only imagine what it would be like with six people. A bunch of my classmates tried to do something like that ages ago and, needless to say, it didn't go very well. No good pictures were taken that day.

Ah, Portwell: the early days. Ok, but wanting something and feeling like you have to get it is far from the same thing, EJ. Honestly, these two in their early days as accomplices... this is not the first time they've been like 'X is the same thing as Y' when it's obviously not. I mean, of course, that time they became accomplices because 'we want the same thing' — which, at that point, they didn't.

Ok, but they were in such unison with that 'Not now!'... couple goals! You know, even before either of them had considered the possibility of them being a couple for real.

That's a lot of pressure that Miss Jenn is putting on dear Carlito over there. I mean, he's one of the youngest at the drama club and he has to essentially do her job for her, all while she's not even sure if she'll be able to return to her job. I just... keep reminding myself that these kids are closer in age to my little brother than they are to me (except for EJ, who is precisely in the middle), and then the pressure they're under takes on completely new proportions in my mind. None of them should have to deal with all of this. And no amount of 'trust the process' is making it better.

'Should I just live vicariously through someone else?' Oh Reddy, you should just live for yourself. I mean, the truth is I don't practice what I preach most of the time, but I really do mean this. Just go out there and live your best life. You're not Ricky's therapy dog or anything (that being said, Ricky's getting a therapy dog when?).

What part of 'a forest of boys' does Nini not get? It's simple enough. Just help Carlos do his job, how about that? I mean, he shouldn't have to do everything himself anyway.

See? He cracked. That's what happens when you put all this responsibility on a teen's shoulders and be like 'deal with it'. He was just trying his best, you guys. He did not deserve all the clapback.

Ricky's forced optimism about Miss Jenn and the show is too much even for me. Sure, I know everything turns out mostly alright at the end, but this just sounds like Ricky's on the verge of a breakdown. You know, every time someone's been too unrealistically positive on this show, it has ended in a breakdown. And that's the last thing I want.

I do agree about the simple acoustic version of the song, though. Sometimes simple is the best option.

Major props to Carlos for going up to Mr. Mazzara like that. If someone had bullied me, and especially if that someone was a teacher, I'd never have dared to call them 'Benjamin Mazarra!' to their face. Even when he's on the verge of despair, this boy is still the boldest. And we love him for that.

Is this where the 'Carlos Surname' joke started, though? I had forgotten. It was funny while it lasted.

Ricky doesn't know it yet, but he's seriously playing with Gina's feelings there. And I don't blame him because, again, he doesn't know yet, but I still feel bad for her.

'Despite the 4.3 GPA, I'm actually an idiot.' — EJ is high intelligence, low wisdom, confirmed. Not that this is news, but I really don't remember much about this season, so I'm pointing this out now.

Now forgive me if I'm not feeling for Miss Jenn after 2x11... she did some really unforgivable things there. Still, as much as I want to say a real qualified teacher would not do any of that, my personal experience suggests otherwise, quite unfortunately. Miss Jenn might not be very emotionally mature, but not having legal teaching credentials is not her biggest issue, really. It is precisely her lack of emotional maturity.

OMG, Big Red accidentally invited the entire drama club over! And that, I guess, is half of how Redlyn established themselves as the hosts of every out-of-school drama club gathering. Thanksgiving is, of course, the other half. Gosh, those two were the parents of the drama club even before they were a couple. Guess they're soulmates in that way, too.

Ok, so I didn't comment on this after 2x8 when Big Red did it to Ricky, but now that I finally notice that Seb did it to Carlos, too (I took my time, thanks), I need to talk about the knee touch thing. See, this is exactly the amount of touch I used to be comfortable with (since I'm very touch-averse) — both on the giving and on the receiving end — and it can mean so much when you feel bad. It's a subtle 'hey, I'm here, it's going to be fine', a sort of hug-without-the-hugging... I feel like this is a gesture we don't see enough of in media and it can feel just as intimate as, say, holding hands or cuddling. I don't want to talk about kissing because I don't know anything about it. But I just love how we've got the knee touch depicted by both a romantic pairing and a platonic pairing in the show. Ok, rant over. But I just really wanted to talk about this because, well, I saw myself in it.

'Her past is a little bit sketchy'... I see, Ash has already started writing Truth, Justice and Songs in Our Key, even if she doesn't know it quite yet.

Miss Jenn finding out Mike is Ricky's dad is just as awkward as it should be. Whatever they had going on should have ended right then and there.

'... people in the dramatic arts are insane' — 'Thank you.' — Umm, Miss Jenn, you are not really helping your case there. Quite frankly, you're lucky you've got the allegiance of the entire drama club. I don't think they'd have your back as much after 2x11, though.

Ok, but... Big Red wearing a longcoat just to take it off for the dramatic flair of it all? An icon if I've ever seen one. Also, mad props to Larry for apparently learning this number in record time after Dara got injured.

Oh, and... mad props to all the kids in-universe for writing, rehearsing, and learning this entire number in one night.

So both Seb and Natalie have solo lines in the song... and Seb was promoted to main in s2. So does this mean Natalie will get the same treatment in s3? I mean, that will probably mean they'll try to stick her in some sort of romantic plot, and I really don't need that, but I really, really want her to be a main character.

Also, let's not forget we had our first Redlyn moment in this number... seeing them dance together makes my heart jump with joy!

I won't lie, though, the entire dance number and everything was just a little bit uncomfortable to watch after 2x11... these kids do so much for Miss Jenn, and what does she do? Put insane amounts of pressure on some of them, shuts others down at every attempt to put in a word, favours yet others despite their abysmal performance at the audition, and then has the audacity to tell that same person to jump off of something high, with all the implications attached? Not that I'm naming any names, of course. Ok, this has taken a sudden and uncalled for turn for the dark, so I guess I'll just move right along to the next episode now.

1x7: A world where 'That was terrible!' and 'I'm so happy!' can both be true at the same time

My girl Ash is doing the recap! And she's a pun queen, too. 'Miss Jenn was in hot water, Carlos was a hot mess...' — not pleasant, but so true. But wbk. Ashlyn is the best.

And... Ricky and Nini's on and off chemistry is back on. Good for them, because after season 2, I really needed to see a good rehearsal. But I'm thinking EJ's joy at the end-of-school bell had little to do with Thanksgiving...

That look Reddy gave Ashlyn as she was walking out... might be me digging for breadcrumbs, but I think I just saw the exact moment my boy fell, and he fell hard. Ok, I realise now after I've said this that 'fall' probably isn't the best choice of words, but you know what I mean. Fell for Ashlyn. Not like... oh, never mind.

'So meek, so mild, sword!' I can't really explain it, but I love this line. And I feel like it describes Ash so perfectly: like, she might be meek and mild, but if you cross her, she's armed. Gosh, I love her!

Not the Caswell parents leaving their children alone over two holiday breaks! No wonder these two are the way they are. But they're about to get a beautiful Thanksgiving celebration. [Fun personal fact: the year I was born, my birthday fell on Thanksgiving day. That doesn't mean much in Bulgaria, but my dad works with a lot of Americans so my parents knew about it and I've known this and that about this holiday I've never celebrated since I was very young. I have no idea why I'm telling you this, but Thanksgiving has always reminded me of my birthday for this reason, so... ok, moving on.]

So I know she kind of suggested it, but... why does Carlos think it's his place to invite people over to Ashlyn's? I mean, this was part 2 of Redlyn establishing themselves as the hosts for any out-of-school gathering, but... oh well, it led to a beautiful party with everyone, so... I'll allow it.

I really liked Nini's talk with her grandma. It was really nice, and a very fitting way to remind everyone what Thanksgiving is originally about. I feel like people often forget that when it comes to... literally every major commercialised holiday.

Wow, EJ really is that person where once the tap is open, it can't stop spilling. And I kind of like that look on him. It's a transitional stage between EJ 1.0 and EJ 2.0, and I appreciate it for what it is.

Ahhhh it's Redlyn's first proper 1-on-1 conversation! I mean, it got kind of really awkward really quickly because of — surprise, surprise — Nini and Ricky (and EJ), but those two are so adorable! No more breadcrumbs — we're about to get an entire five-course meal here! Which goes really well with the Thanksgiving setting, now that I think of it.

Gosh, they've never really talked and my boy whips out the 'the only thing I'd ever throw at your face is a brighter spotlight' line right off the bat? Boy is whipped! But like, he is the master of grand gestures where Ashlyn is concerned. Still, in this first moment they shared, he really was like, go big or go home, and home isn't really an option here. But I should have known, it's in his name after all. Gosh, I love both of those two so much! Especially when they're together.

Ok, so... this is a really bad way to meet your mother's new boyfriend. Poor Ricky. As if ringing his mum wasn't hard enough already.

See, when I rewatch season 1, I get where the Rina stans are coming from, but then again, remember when I used to say I wanted Gina and EJ to just be friends? Yeah, that's changed too. Not that I ever shipped Rina romantically — I rarely ever ship a pairing unless they're explicitly stated to have something going on, just because I can't see that sort of stuff very clearly — but I really, really want them (Ricky and Gina, I mean) to be really good friends. Once they get past the awkwardness of their sort of history, I mean.

I miss the good old days when Nini was a nice person... I mean, we kind of (really) had a glimpse of that in 2x11 (I'm guessing she was making up for Miss Jenn's very inappropriate slip-up), but I miss the days before she was this big internet-famous songwriter and actually had to be convinced by Ashlyn that she should write songs for herself... wait, now that I think of it... Ashlyn might have helped create a monster there. Oh well. Still love her so much!

You know, I love the Choosical, but it's all a bit sad, if you stop to think about it for a sec. Just picture little single-digit-aged Carlito making this whole thing up in an attempt to participate in his favourite thing... only to not have anyone to play with for the next ten years. Great, I just made myself cry. The thing is, I relate to that story a bit too much. I remember in preschool, when the rest of the children would play together, I'd sit in a corner by myself and read the only book that was there... over and over, day after day. I don't even remember a single thing about that little book right now, but back then I clung to it like it was everything. And I couldn't very much share the experience with any of my peers, seeing as I was the only kid there who could actually read (my grandma used to be a preschool teacher and she taught me to read when I was 4). So yeah. I went off on a rather personal tangent there. Thing is, I know how little Carlos felt and I'm so happy that he finally gets to share this thing he made with a loving and supportive group of friends. Everything has its time and place, I guess.

'Look, I'm not following Big Red just because he paid me a compliment' — of course not, dear, you know your own worth and we love that for you — but see, when he said that thing that you're referring to as a compliment, he did not lie! You really are the brightest star and deserve the brightest spotlight. See, the thing I love most about Redlyn's compliments to each other is that they're so sincere and state nothing but the absolute truth. Those two just see each other for what they are, and love each other as they are. And I think that is beautiful.

It's so funny to me every time someone gets something wrong and Carlos just walks past them out of nowhere and corrects them without missing a beat. I kind of relate to that side of him, too. Except it's usually about grammar and language in my case, not HSM trivia.

If I were Nini in this scene, and was suddenly put face to face with Emily on the spot like that, I would not have been able to handle it. So props to Nini for handling it.

Yeah, sorry to break it to you, Emily dear, but whatever you're doing is not a Cockney accent. I don't claim to be an accent expert, but I know first-hand what Cockney sounds like and... that's just not it. Even Dick Van Dyke was closer to a Cockney accent in Mary Poppins, and that's saying something. (See, I feel bad criticising any aspect of Emily because her actress is no longer with us, but... I have no idea who let them get away with passing this off as Cockney).

Is this the beginning of Jennzara there? I am loving this.

Of course Carlos was obsessed with Glee as a kid... but wasn't he a bit too young for it when it aired? I know I was, and I'm older than those kids. I mean, I waited until I was emotionally mature enough to watch Glee, and that wasn't until 3 years ago, when I was 18 going on 19. Ok, I'm thinking too much into this. Moving on.

Ahhhhh, Redlyn! Just... all of their moments. But screaming the lyrics of What I've Been Looking For on top of their lungs while looking right at each other... was so beautiful to watch. Give me more of that!

EJ: 'That was terrible.' Seb: 'I'm so happy!' — Moods, both of them. Those two are real-life emojis, aren't they? And we love them for that.

'... without laughing... or killing each other.' — I feel like that last specification was needed given that it's Ricky and EJ we're talking about, and especially what happened last time they had to do a one-on-one exercise during rehearsal. The ensuing scene, however, is the most hilarious thing!

Root beer, huh? Is that the HSMTMTS code for 'awkward' now? I mean, Nini and Gina had a nice talk there, all things considered. I really want the two of them to put the Ricky thing past them and be friends... but we'll see.

Gina is trying to make the sleepover thing look like 'it's not a big deal' despite how big of a deal it obviously is to her... to which I say, good for you, girl, but I wouldn't know. The only sleepovers I've ever had have been with my little cousin who is 9 years younger than me and also insists on sleeping with a very bright nightlight on, which means I can't sleep at all. So yeah, I wouldn't know. But I'm happy that Gina is feeling included.

So this is the exact moment when it becomes clear that Big Red is not telling us the complete truth when it comes to his HSM knowledge... '14 and 10'? Even I didn't know that. I knew 14, but... for someone who allegedly 'hates musicals', my boy has very detailed knowledge of one certain musical movie... I love how it got him a certain girl's attention, though. Not that she wasn't already paying attention to him, if you catch my drift.

Ok, but this hits even harder now than it did the first time — just when Gina has finally managed to make friends, to feel included in their group, her mum has to move her away again. This is straight-up tragic. I'll say it now, and I'll probably say it again when it comes up in the rewatch — Ashlyn is an absolute queen for taking Gina in for the next semester.

'That's sort of what you always do, huh? Take care of everyone else' — yeah, Ash, and you do the same. You two just need someone to do for you what you do for other people. See, guys, this is what I mean. This is why they're soulmates. Because in a world that has more or less forced both of them to put others first, they put each other first. They each get to be the most important person to each other after they've been stepping back for others all the time. And if that isn't beautiful, I don't know what is. I know I'm repeating myself over and over saying this, but... they own my heart and soul and I'm not for sale.

Ok, but Ashlyn's little run after Big Red left was so cute! Girl is... I don't know why I keep using that word, but... falling.

Unpopular opinion: Out of the Old is the best Nini solo to come out of this series to date. Maybe I feel that way just because I relate to it most, but hey, that is a valid reason to like something.

Oof, EJ's losing followers. Oh well, if they're unfollowing him for being too honest, they didn't like the real him to begin with. So good riddance to them.

Yikes... Jennzara fell asleep with flammable stuff left unattended... we all know how that ended, but just the fact that they felt comfortable enough to fall asleep in each other's presence... speaks volumes. So I guess... well, I don't know what exactly I'm saying regarding the fire they caused, but I loved this big little moment they had.

So this is it. That was 1x6 and 7 and, well, they were beautiful, but there are some parts I can't look at in the same way anymore after 2x11. Guess that's the risk of a rewatch. The Redlyn scenes, though — still the best part of both of these episodes. That and a couple of other things for which I don't need to pretend like I haven't seen season 2.

[spockandawe]

The Disabled Tyrant’s Pet Palm Fish

Okay, legit book pitch time, because I’m doing a terrible job of coherently typing out the premise every time I try to tell a person about this book, and I cannot stop telling people about this book. Bottom line up front: The Disabled Tyrant’s Pet Palm Fish started off a little rough (a combination of everything happens so much in the story itself, and, I think, the translator finding their footing), but I’ve been having such a good time that I am deep, deep in the mtl pit, because I can’t stop reading it.

The premise! This is a transmigration novel, where our hero Li Yu (his name literally translates to ‘carp’, for the record) enters the universe of a novel he just finished. He does not enter the body of a character from the novel, he enters as... a fish. A tiny little ingredient-for-fish-soup tier fish. Before he’s totally figured out what is going on, there’s an attempt to turn him into soup, and even when he flails his way out of the person’s hands, he’s.... stolen by a cat. And then, at the very last moment, he’s saved, and placed into a bowl of water to recover. This is the part of the book where So Much Is Happening and I was genuinely stressed by fish suffering.

But once he’s safe in a bowl, he finally gets to really talk to a System, and gets given some actual instructions. Surprise, sucker! You’re in a book! And he’s tasked with changing the path of that book’s protagonist, who goes from being the fifth imperial prince to eventually being the emperor. He’s like ‘oh my god, are you serious, i’m literally a fucking fish’ and the System is like *shrug* and says that well, he can either do the mission or he can die? So he’s like ‘OKAY, COOL, LET’S CHANGE THIS PRINCE’S LIFE.’ He’s also told that if he completes enough tasks, he’ll regain the ability to become human again, which is where I was like okay, this book is maybe not going to be quite so ridiculously batshit as the summary implied. The initial mission doesn’t say anything about romance, but I was still reading it like ohohohohoho, romance!

And the original book! At first, the fifth imperial prince, Jing-wang, was nominally out of the running to take the throne, because he was born with natural mutism and the emperor was told that this might be passed down to his children. He was his mother’s only surviving child, and she died soon after his birth, so he grew up very... isolated and disconnected, which makes sense given his temperament, even before all the other factors come into play. He’s a very cold, distant man, and in the book, eventually won out over his brothers to become the emperor. A cruel, rigid tyrant of an emperor. But! He did have a husband who he loved a lot. Unfortunately, that husband was planted by his brother and sure didn’t love him. The text calls him a black lotus, and describes that relationship as ‘sadomasochistic’, which I’m not sure is quite the right word, but it sure seems... melancholy, and the relationship seems to make Li Yu sad when he thinks about it.

Now, Li Yu is very worried about how the hecc he’s going to impact this imperial prince’s life in any meaningful way, but from the very start, the people around Jing-wang see him going soft for his new pet fish. His father especially is very moved to see his son finally attached to something that way. And I want to say that even the very early bits are... unexpectedly sweet?? Jing-wang doesn’t angst about not being able to speak, which I’d been worried about (I do hear that the mutism gets fixed eventually, which i’m not wild about, but i don’t feel like he’ll ever be a super verbal person tbh), but it’s really cute seeing him figuring out to interact with a pet where not being able to speak shouldn’t even really be a factor. And especially early on, Li Yu makes an effort to be as cute as possible, and way he pets and plays with his fish is the cutest, CUTEST thing.

(li yu is given an escalating series of unbelievably lavish aquariums, but even one of his earliest ones, jing-wang notices he’s interested in a pearl and just quietly fills the aquarium with priceless gemstones for his fish to play with)

There’s something that’s very hard to articulate about this, but in an early scene, Jing-wang brings the fish with him to a stressful meeting and gets angry, and starts holding the fish in a self-soothing way, and Li Yu is like AGH, TOO TIGHT and wriggles out, but before Jing-wang can even get properly upset at being rejected by his fish, Li Yu circles back around and starts winding through his fingers. Even before romance is a factor, the physical contact and comfort were absolutely precious.

When I’d started reading this, my initial mindset was basically ‘okay, so i can see Jing-wang getting attached to his fish, but love? seriously???’, but honestly, the story handled it in a REALLY nice way. There are around 160 chapters total, and by the mid-twenties, Li Yu gains the ability to occasionally/briefly transform into a human, and by the mid-thirties, Li Yu and Jing-wang have had an extended interaction where they’re both human-shaped. And Li Yu acquires other special powers with time, including interdimensional storage space and Super Jumping Powers, and he is seriously, seriously, the most sketchy-ass fish you’ve ever seen, and Jing-wang is a smart cookie.

At first, it’s little things like ‘okay, while Jing-wang is out, I’mmmm going to explore this room!’ And he does the fish equivalent of holding his breath and hops around for a while before returning to his tank like a good little fish, but Jing-wang comes back and there’s water all over the floor and he’s like ‘..............’ So what does he do? He starts leaving teacups of water all over the floor so that his fish can stop and take a breather without worrying about getting back to his tank. And when his fish seems interested in the work he’s doing at his desk, he sets up a teacup next to where he works so that his fish can watch what he’s doing. And initially, he’s kind of like ‘this is normal fish behavior, probably’, but. Li Yu is so focking sketchy. And it really, really doesn’t take long for Jing-wang to start connecting the dots between the strange young man who periodically materializes in/near his quarters and steals his clothes and his fish.

But this story is so funny. When Jing-wang starts getting suspicious, what he eventually concludes is that oh, this is like that fairy tale about the white snake spirit who seduced a human man to steal his spiritual essence. Or the fairy tale about the fox spirit who seduced a human man to steal his essence. Okay. Awright. And he spends considerable time waiting very impatiently, wondering why isn’t my fish seducing me yet??? He even sets things up so that while Li Yu is on his desk watching him work, he starts pointedly reading erotica about the snake spirit and fox spirit, and I can tell that he’s embarrassing himself, while meanwhile, Li Yu is a modern human trying to read ancient Chinese writing, and he’s like ‘haha, lmao, he reads way faster than me, I have no idea what’s happening.’

(later on, when they’ve managed to do a little bit of communication and work things out, Jing-wang proudly tells someone (writes for someone) that the food he’s eating was made for him by his boyfriend. and when the person is like ‘ah, okay. uh. what... is a boyfriend?’ and Jing-wang is like ‘I’ve got no goddamn idea.’)

Also, you may note. That one of the tags on this story is mpreg. And that was honestly why I dove into it, I was like ‘haha, there’s no way a story like this could sell me on a plot point like THAT, go ahead, try, I double dog dare you’. Well. Last night I reached that plot point. Y’all....... it.... worked. It was still silly, but the character himself was like ‘oh my god, you can’t be serious.’ It was silly and cute. At a slightly earlier point, the emperor sends Jing-wang to take a military force and go fight bandits, so Jing-wang was planning to leave Li Yu safely at home, and Li Yu wasn’t happy and non-seriously said, ‘no, your highness, you can’t leave me behind, I’m... CARRYING YOUR CHILD.’ And he didn’t mean it, but Jing-wang wanted to believe it at first, and was really happy, and was :( when Li Yu clarified that no, physically, he’s... not capable of doing that.

Smash cut to not long later, when the System gives Li Yu his next task in the main mission line and it’s.......... babies. Li Yu tries to plead with the System that no, oh my god, I am not physically equipped for this, but also at this point? The System has straight-up modified his fish body several times. He doubled all his attributes once, not realizing this included size, and got stuck in his aquarium cave. And later on, he upgraded from minnow(?) to koi and promptly... got stuck in his aquarium cave. So they’ve already coaxed me along through believing body modifications. And then the actual fish pregnancy process was very understated and low-key, and then once the fish babies hatched, after nine months, they got the ability to turn into human babies. The story even plays around with the idea of fish babies being capable of much more independence than human babies, and the babies being Displeased with the situation. Guys, they sold me on the mpreg. How did they do that?????

And something I genuinely hadn’t expected is that the relationship takes negotiation and growth. The earliest courting scenes are very... high-handed. Which I was into! I can dig a romance novel like that, where the love interest pins the protagonist to a wall and kisses him so good he sweeps him off his feet. But Li Yu gets to be upset, and push Jing-wang away, and be angry when Jing-wang tries to wiggle around the boundaries he’s trying to establish. He gets to tell Jing-wang he feels disrespected and taken advantage of, and Jing-wang learns to back off. And when he decides that he does want to give this thing a try, he lays out a couple base rules for Jing-wang, and Jing-wang takes it so seriously that he legit hangs them on his bedroom wall. 

And everyone who loves Jing-wang is so happy for him. They’re so happy for every positive development in his life. They’re happy when Jing-wang starts caring for his pet fish, and they’re even happier when he falls in love with an actual human. The main barrier to formalizing their relationship isn’t that Li Yu is a man, it’s that Jing-wang needs heirs, and well, that gets worked out. Even the emperor casually mentions that he used to have a male concubine back in the day.

You guys, I’ve been genuinely Moved by this silly novel about a fictional prince falling in love with his pet fish.

I’m not done yet, I’m almost exactly halfway through, and I’ve got no idea what’s coming next. I assume it will be political maneuvering, because Li Yu’s System told him that it’s guaranteed that Jing-wang will eventually become emperor, but the rest is up to him, and there are still a few other princes floating around who opposed him in the original book. And that black lotus husband from the original book is still around too. But Jing-wang has other allies who would have died in the original novel by now, who Li Yu managed to help save. And I’m so invested! I want to know what happens! Li Yu is periodically unlocking Jing-wang backstory reveals as rewards for completing missions, and some of these things give him a better understanding of Jing-wang in the present, but some open up brand new mysteries about Jing-wang’s past. I have to go do my actual job now, and I’m really unhappy about that, because I want! To read more!!! I’m reading the mtl right now, and if you’ve tried mtl, you know the prose can be barely comprehensible at times (i spent like ten chapters thinking jing-wang had two cousins when he has... one....) but still!!! I’m so, so invested, and I can’t stop recommending this book to everyone who has the misfortune to exist in the same space as me :’)

[minijenn]

Yesss thanks! 😆 Alright so no. 91 and 73 Sora and Riku (either Keys or not, doesn't matter haha). And no.33 Keys Sora and Xehanort/young xehanort/( any nort really xD) to Sora

91. “I won’t let anything bad happen to you.” & 73. “I will take all the pain if it means you’ll smile.”

He falls apart in Riku’s arms, strong and sturdy and steadying as they are, for what feels like the hundredth time that day alone. It’s the first time they’ve been alone since their fateful fight on the beach and Sora can only manage to shake the horrific thought of what happened there, what he did out of his mind as long as he reminds himself that Riku invited him into his arms willingly. That Riku forgave him. 

If only he could forgive himself. 

“You’re shaking again,” Riku notes, his voice soft and sad as he presses his hand tighter against the small of his back. “Are you cold?”

Sora shakes his head, his face still tucked against Riku’s chest all the while. If anything, he’s as warm as can be, or at least his body is. His heart feels like it has for the past several weeks, like it’s been turned to ice that’s on the constant verge of shattering to pieces at any given moment. “No,” he mutters, deciding that he should be honest. It’s not like he really has that much to lie about anymore anyway. “I… I’m scared…”

“Scared,” Riku repeats thoughtfully but the sympathy in his voice is clear. “Of what?”

“O-of what might happen… t-tomorrow…” Of the momentous battle that’s to take place tomorrow, one that could cost him much more than his freedom if the guardians of light lost. “I-I don’t want them to… I-I don’t want to be one of them!” he sobs, clutching the back of Riku’s jacket tighter in his hands. He’s barely even thinking about how his claws might be tearing through it as his mind races with untold fear for his future. “I don’t want to lose myself! I-I don’t want them to take me away from you! Please, Riku…” he begs brokenly. “Please, I-I can’t-”

“I know,” Riku quietly comforts his hysterical weeping, running a gentle hand through his now-white hair. “I know… I promise, Sora, I won’t let anything bad happen to you. Not tomorrow, or ever. I’ll find a way to free you from this, from them. I won’t rest until I do.”

Sora doesn’t know what to say in response to such a solemn, earnest vow, so instead, he simply glances up, tears streaking his face as his mournful golden eyes meet Riku’s calming teal ones. “Y-you mean it?” he whispers, the thought of freedom alone largely being too good to be true, too far out of his reach to ever obtain again. 

“I do,” Riku smiles, a careful hand perched under his chin to keep him looking upward. Sora can’t help but guiltily note that even with the dark, damming scar now marring his features, he’s still just as handsome as he’s ever been. “Sora, I… I want you to know that if I could, I would take away every bit of pain you’re feeling right now and put it on myself… even if all it would do is make you smile.”

Surprisingly, Sora smirks at this, his former fear forgotten as he lets out a short, genuine snort of a laugh. “No offense,” he chuckles and the very sound of it alone warms Riku’s heart beyond measure. “But that was kinda corny, Riku.”

“Well,” Riku returns his laugh, pulling him even closer than he already is and refusing to let go. Regardless of whatever twisted plans the Organization might have in mind for him otherwise. “At least it worked.” 

***

33. “You can run away but I will always find you.”

The dark corridor disintegrates into nothingness behind him as he collapses to his knees, weak from summoning it and even weaker from going through it unprotected as he did. Trips through the shadowy portals usually make him nauseous at best and outright sick at most and this time it seems he’s being particularly punished for his panicked haste in using one. His claws dig into the soil, his vision bleary to the point that he can’t even tell what kind of world he’s ended up in as he heaves violently. He can’t tell if it’s a blessing or a curse when nothing comes out. 

His head is pounding, his heart aching, but at least he’s alone. As far as Sora is concerned, any spare moment of solitude is a fortunate one, one where he doesn’t have to contend with his foes or run from his friends. It’s a moment of rest, reprieve from the chase that has him as the sole target on both sides. A chase that he longs for an end to, but doesn’t expect one anytime soon. After all, it hardly seems like luck is on his side anymore, so why should he expect any differently now?

Still, he sits in that solitude for a moment, closing his eyes as his darkness-damaged body finally starts to calm itself down. The sounds of a peaceful forest fill his ears and he nearly lets himself relax along with it. At least until he hears a single set of footsteps falling behind him, his chest wrenching in unspeakable agony the moment they do. 

“I must say, I’m impressed with you, Sora,” Xehanort says and under the master’s oppressive grip on his heart, Sora isn’t even capable of turning back to face him. As a result, he begins to walk slowly around him, circling the boy as if he’s his prey. Which, by all accounts, he is. “I didn’t think you would be able to keep this little ‘game’ of cat-and-mouse going for as long as you have, between either us or the guardians of light. And yet-” Sora is trembling, his mind begging him to move, to run, to escape from this wicked man at all costs, and his body refusing all the while. “Here we are.”

Xehanort slips a single finger under his chin, forcing his gaze upward so he can meet the master’s cold, cunning smirk. He looks amused, almost, by the suffering his unexpected visit is causing his hapless young vessel, and Sora finds himself hating the old man even more for it. On top of an already very long list of reasons he has to hate him, that is. “Well?” Xehanort asks, arcing an expectant eyebrow down at him, as if he was an unruly student that needed lecturing about good behavior. “Have you anything to say for yourself?”

Sora takes in a deep, shaky breath as a bit of the weight lifts off his chest. Xehanort just granted him his ability to speak back, and he’s not about to waste the opportunity. “Y-yeah,” he begins, his voice tight, yet rigid as he fixes his master with an icy glare. “Leave… me… alone…” His words are pointed, perforated, and he makes sure there’s an edge behind them to show just how tired he is of this treatment, just how much he would fight against Xehanort’s suffocating hold over him… if only he actually could.

The smile fades from the elderly master’s face as he reaches down and tightly grips the collar of Sora’s shirt, abruptly yanking him upward. His body is still limp and immobile, and a newfound wave of stark fear washes over him as Xehanort pulls him close, a fierce, warning scowl on his face all the while. “Never,” he hisses and a spiking chill runs down Sora’s spine when he does. “Clearly, you still fail to understand exactly what is happening to you, boy. You are my thirteenth vessel, whether you wish to be or not. Your heart is mine. You can resist and run away as much as you’d like, but mark my words, I will always find you.” 

With that horrific threat issued, Xehanort drops him, allowing him to collapse weakly to the ground at his feet. Sora barely resists the urge to sob in relief as he notices the master summon a dark corridor to take his leave, one that he apparently has no intentions of dragging him through. At least, not as long as there are still lost Keys to be found. 

“Your body, your mind, your heart, everything you are, belongs solely to me,” Xehanort reminds him coldly before he goes. He clenches his fist, and Sora has no idea how, but the action forces him to fall into a submissive bow, a testament to just how little control he has over anything in his life anymore. “Don’t forget that, my thirteenth.”

“Y-yes, Master…” The words are drawn out of his mouth completely against his will, his head still frozen in low reverence for a master he has no desire to serve. A master he has no choice but to serve all the same. 

He only barely has enough autonomy to glance up to catch the satisfied smile Xehanort sends him before he disappears into the darkness. A smile that haunts Sora every bit as much as what his master had said: the stern assurance that there was no escape for him from the dark, demented fate Xehanort had in store for him. Not anymore. 

(ohohoho a two for one deal huh? I couldn’t resist either of these so ya know i had to go with both. The first one for angsty but soft Soriku hours and the second one BC I just like writing them angsty confrontations between the corrupting hero and the protagonist. Its pretty funny that in Keys so far, Sora has never encountered Master Xehanort himself except for in dreams and nightmares and such. That’s boutta change in the not too far off future though hmhmhmhmh ;) 

Prompts are open, send away! 

[nightowlfandom]

Tsundere! School! Jeon Jungkook- My Words To You

Take this time to drink some tea and relax. You deserve it.

Let’s Begin.

...

You could only stand still behind a pillar, hearing all the terrible comments your own circle would hurl towards you. You were convinced that Ella and Sooji (This just reminds me of Revenge Note 2 so I had to do it)  The two were laughing like parrots on helium. It must have been really funny just digging into you like that.

“Why do we even hang out with her?”

“She’s Vivienne’s friend, that’s why!”

“Vivienne has poor taste, then. Just look at those ugly excuses for uniforms she wears.”

“She probably couldn’t even afford a better one. Have you seen her shoes?”

Your first instinct was to run away, not caring if they heard your footsteps or not. You thought about running into the bathrooms and hiding, but you’d probably be caught there. Maybe you could have hid in a classroom, but all of them were locked during lunch hour. You went to turn around a corner, only to ram into someone on the way. The impact sent you right to the floor with a loud thud. You scraped your knee pretty bad during the process. You landed right on the ground, making no sound other than your school bag dropping.

“Hey! Watch where you’re going!” a voice barked. You looked up and saw Jungkook, the school’s angel voiced singer. He didn’t particularly like you. Well, you never really talked to him. It was usually him yelling at you, calling you names, following you...just to call you names. The only bright side was that he never made fun of you for any reason. Not your uniforms or your shoes or your 3 year old torn up back pack.

You tried to scramble to your feet, ignoring the pain building up in your left leg. You attempted to walk away. Jungkook however, wasn’t having any of it.

“Aren’t you gonna apologize for- hey!” Jungkook put a hand on your shoulder to stop you from running. “I’m talking to-....Have you been crying?”

You hadn’t even noticed the tears streaming down your face. You furiously wiped them off, pushing his hand off you in the process of it all. You attempted to walk away, only to be stopped again.

“Hey! Stupid!” he shook his head at you. “You’re hurt.” He looked down at your knee.

“What do you care?” you sniffed, wiping your eyes again.

“i don’t!” he scoffed, rolling his eyes. “Why were you running anyways?”

“I thought you said you didn’t care.” you crossed your arms.

“Well I have a right to know why you bumped into me so rudely!” he scoffed. “Seriously, dummy. What’s wrong?” When you didn’t answer, he groaned out loud. He began digging into his own backpack and pulled out a bandaid. "At least let me fix your stupid mistake." he bent down on knee and put the bandaid on your scrape.

"You didn't have to do that." you crossed your arms, hoping he couldn't see your embarrassment. "I c-could have done that myself."

“Well you were standing there like a statue so I obviously have to do everything! Come on.” he suddenly grabbed your hand, dragging you in the direction he was going.

“Hey! Let me go!” you protested. “Where are you taking me?” You noticed he was heading for the front doors of the school. “Were you about to leave school?”

“Yep.”

“We can’t leave! We could get in trouble!” you felt your heart drop. "We could get detention if anyone finds out!"

“Well be quiet and no one will hear us leaving.” Jungkook didn’t show any sign of letting your hand go. He threw open the huge door that lead outside, still dragging you along. “We’re going to get noodles.”

“B-but I don’t really have any money on me at the moment.”

“Did I say you were paying? Pfft, Dummy.”

...

“Eat.”

A steaming hot bowl of noodles with rice balls on the side was set in front of you. Jungkook sat across from you with his own food. You looked up at him, and back down the your bowl, then back up at him.

“What?” he glared at you. “I said eat.”

“Why did you take me here?” you asked bluntly. “Why did you drag me out of school?”

“Could you stop asking so many questions.” he glared at you. “Stop being so stupid.”

“Stop calling me stupid!” you snapped back. “Just because you don’t like me doesn’t mean you have to be so mean to me!” you glared potholes into his head.

“Well if you weren’t so dumb, I wouldn’t have to be this way.” he rolled his eyes. “You’d better eat all of that. I paid for it! You aren’t leaving until you finish all of that….and I never said I didn't like you” he mumbled the least part so low that you barely picked up on it.

You eyed the plate, suddenly welcomed by a rumble from the pit of your stomach. You were starving. Deciding that it would be wasteful, you listened to Jungkook and picked up your chopsticks, beginning to eat.

“Why were you crying earlier?”

You looked up, seeing Jungkook with his arms crossed. He stared you down with a semi-curious (but also seemingly disinterested) look on his face. “You aren’t leaving until you tell me.” he looked genuinely concerned at that point, but was actively working to mask it behind his usual face of annoyance.

“I overheard Sooji and Ella talking about me.” you replied honestly. “They were talking about how Vivienne was the only reason they tolerated me.”

“Vivienne is your friend right?” he asked.

“Yes.” you bit back a sniff. “T-they always talk about how poor I am…how I can't afford nice shoes or anything.”

“Did you tell her about it?” he cut you off.

“No.” you shook your head. “They’re her friends too, I can’t do that. They've been her friends longer than me, I couldn't come between their friendship.”

“You really are a dummy.” he chuckled. “Listen, if you ever need help. I’m going to give you my number, and you’re going to call me when you’re in trouble.” he said seriously.

“Huh?” you nearly chocked on a rice-ball.

“You heard me, idiot. If something happens to you. I want to be the first person you call for help.” he dug his phone out of his pocket. “Put your number in my phone.”

“I thought you didn’t like me.” you hesitated.

“Is your heart so closed off that you can’t detect when someone cares about you?” he scoffed. “Not that I care about you! I just don’t want you to get beat up because a dummy like you can’t defend herself. That would look bad on me.”

You weren’t sure, but you could detect amusement in his voice. You reluctantly took his phone and input your number into it.

“Good.” he took his phone back. "And another thing…I wouldn't take anything those two say as fact. Sooji can't even pass Gym case because she's afraid her hair will get messed up." he joked.

"That isn't nice." you scolded. "You shouldn't talk about people."

"Well if they talk about you, then they should be able to take a little heat, shouldn't they?" he asked. “Now finish eating, I’m walking you home.”

... (read more below the cut)

“This is your where you live?!”

Jungkook stared up in awe at the apartment building.

“Yeah. It’s nothing.” you shook your head. You pushed the little intercom button on the golden doors. “It’s Y/N, can you let me in please?”

“Yes, welcome home Miss Y/N.”

Jungkook was surprised that this place was so secure you had to be let in by someone else. You were dubbed the poor girl at school, he didn’t expect you to live here, even in a tiny house no less. He was surprised to walk into the lobby and see an extravagant gold and white decor on each wall. There was a woman at the front desk who bowed respectfully as you two walked in.

“Good afternoon Miss Y/N! You’re home early!” she said enthusiastically. “Is this a boyfriend?”

“No, he’s just walking me home.” you answered shyly. “Are my parents home?”

“Yes! They just came back from their business trip!”

Jungkook watch this interaction in complete confusion. Rumors had gone around school that you lived in a little sea shack miles away and had to take multiple buses to get to school. But no, that wasn’t the case at all.

“You can go now.” you turned to Jungkook. “Thanks for walking me home.”

“What? Are you stupid! I have to make sure you get to your house.”

“You really don’t, I’ll be fine, I promise.” you waved him off, walking up to the elevators. Jungkook didn’t listen and followed you in. He walked as you grabbed a key-card out of your bag and shoved it into a little slot next to the buttons. You stood in silence, ignoring Jungkook’s stares. When you got to your floor, you took your little key-card out of the slot so the doors would open. Instead of a hallways like Jungkook expected, he was welcomed to a huge living room.

“This is your apartment?!”

“Yeah, it's a bit too fancy…but it's home.” you shrugged. “Mom! Dad?” you called aloud.

Your father was currently struggling with a toaster while your mother was drinking some tea.

“Y/N! You’re home early!” your mom out her mug down and rushed over to you, giving you a huge hug. “Was school let out early?”

“Not exactly.” you looked down. “I left.”

“Why?” you father looked up from his focus on the toaster. “That isn’t like you, young lady.”

“Actually it’s my fault.” Jungkook made his presence known. “I was leaving and took Y/N with me.”

“And who are you?” your mother turned her daggers on him. "Are you tainting my daughter's mind?"

“He’s my friend!” you answered quickly. “He was taking me to the nurse and decided to help me get home.” you lied, not wanting him to get in trouble. "I tripped and hurt my leg and he offered to help me get home." you motioned to the bandage on your knee.

“Oh!” your mother’s face brightened up. “Thank you for taking care of my Y/N! It’s so good to know she has a friend.” she smiled warmly at Jungkook. "She's always complaining about how she feels alone at school."

"Mom!" you whined, gritting your teeth at your blabber-mouthed caretaker.

“Oh..Yes! Of course!” Jungkook bowed respectfully. “I wanted to make sure Y/N was okay.”

“Well that’s very nice of you.” your father walked around to put an arm around you. “My Y/N is very important to us.”

“I can tell.” he looked at you, letting you know that he wasn’t letting this go.

“Im not sure if you can tell but she has trouble making friends” your father whispered. “Don’t hold it against her if she pushes you away sometimes.”

“I wouldn’t dream of it.”

...

"Hey Y/N!"

You suddenly sped up, walking past Sooji and Ella as they tried to wave at you. You pretended to be focused on something- anything else that would make it look purposeful. You didn't want to talk to them, or even look at them after the way they talked about you.

"Yo Dummy!"

That was your cue to try and walk faster than before, you didn't really want to see Jungkook either. But alas, he managed to catch up to you. "What do you want ?"

"Um….listen I don't know if yesterday was some sort of-"

"Yes, that was really my house. No, I'm not poor like everyone thinks, and yes I'm aware that I look very poor." you said in a monotone voice. "We done here?"

"So why have you been letting people bully you for being poor, if you're supposedly not?" he looked confused. "Why would you put yourself through that?"

"Yeah my house is a little bigger than everyone else's. I'd rather pretend to be poor and hated for that than have people pretend to want to be my friend." you explained. "Jungkook…please just keep this between me and you. I'll do whatever you want."

"Who am I gonna tell and what would I have to gain from telling everyone your business, dummy." he scoffed. "It's not my business to tell." You didn't know how to reply to that, so you settled for looking at your shoes. "Hey."

"What?" you looked up at Jungkook. He was shifting from side to side.

"…If you aren't busy after school. Who am I kidding, you probably aren't,"  he huffed. " Do you maybe want to-..."

"Are you asking me out?"

"Don't cut me off, stupid! I mean…yeah." he sighed. "You owe me for having to look out of for you twice as much!"

"What?"

"Because not only are you clumsy, but now that I know you're being bullied, I have to work twice as hard. Taking extra time out of my extremely busy schedule to protect you!" the way he said it made no sense. You weren't even sure if you wanted to question it either. "So…you're going to go on a date with me."

"Oh." you felt your face head up. "Y-yeah, alright."

"G-good! You're going to meet me after school and w-we'll go somewhere!" he concluded. "and since I'm taking you somewhere, I get to choose where we go! Got it?"

"Yeah, sure…whatever you say Jungkook."

[momentofmemory]

FICTOBER 2020 - day twenty

Prompt #17: “Give me a minute or an hour.”

Fandom: Teen Wolf

Characters: Scott McCall, Stiles Stilinski, Kira Yukimura, Liam Dunbar.

Words: 1373

Author’s Note: Because someone needs to tell Scott it’s okay to let yourself heal. Post 5x18. Stiles POV. Read the extended version on Ao3.

>> what measure is a non-human

Running out into the school parking lot, Kira right on his heels, and not seeing a centuries old were-monster is easily one of the top ten pleasant surprises Stiles has had in the last two months.

Seeing his best friend half-dragging himself towards the jeep, looking like he’s got more blood on him than in him, not so much.

“Scott!”

Kira’s sprinting past him before Stiles can get an appropriate what the hell out, and she just barely catches Scott before he nosedives into the asphalt. A shell-shocked Liam appears from behind a row of cars, hands reaching for Scott like he wants to touch the alpha, but isn’t sure if it’d be welcome.

The only sound louder than Stiles’ heart pounding in his ears is his feet slapping against the pavement.

He covers the last few yards and skids to a stop in front of them.

Scott looks even worse up close.

A deep cut above his temple, blood crusted over half his face. Both shoulders mangled. Two long, garish sets of claw marks across his chest and back. Multiple internal injuries, if the bruising, raspy breathing, and dazed expression are any indication.

Stiles’ stomach turns. He’d already met his quota for injured werewolves tonight—which was zero, thank you very much.

“What—the hell—happened?” It’s meant to be a demand, but he’s a little out of breath so it comes out more confused than anything.

“The Beast," Scott says, his words tumbling out fragmented for an entirely different reason. “Trying to—stop it. Get its scent.”

“You fought that thing?” Stiles remembers with painful accuracy how quickly it’d KO’d Liam. Scott’s varying degrees of not-healed injuries suggest a much longer fight.

Scott doesn’t seem to notice his shock. “I tracked it out here. It’s—it’s Mason.”

Stiles pales, still taking in Scott’s injuries.

Oh, shit.

“Mason did this?” Kira looks horrified. “As in our Mason?”

“It wasn’t him,” Liam says. “Or, I mean, it was, but it’s not—he didn’t mean to. Like actually didn’t mean to, not like—”

“Doesn’t matter,” Scott says, and there’s that deeply disconcerting rasp again. “He’s our friend. We’ve gotta find him before the Dread Doctors do.”

“But Scott, the scent—”

“We can still track them as people.” Scott’s looking more and more determined the longer they talk, but also more and more like he has one foot in the ground and can’t wait to add the other. “Places they go, people they’d trust. We can’t just—”

His determination is undercut when a coughing fit, complete with blood splatter because when isn’t their lives a clichéd horror film, sends him collapsing against the side of the jeep.

“Whoa!”

“Okay,” Stiles says, as Kira grabs Scott’s arm and drapes it around her shoulders. “I realize we have a bit of a situation here, but you have too much in common with a very loved and very abused chew toy to be picking fights with anyone right now, psychotic Doctors or no.”

“No, I’m okay,” Scott says, and boy if Stiles does not need to be a werewolf to hear that lie.

Kira, thankfully, is on his side, given that Scott’s side is literally bleeding all over her.

“Scott, you’re hurt,” she says.

Stiles swears Scott actually flinches at that, which—filing that away for further review.

“I’ll be fine,” Scott says, because of course he does. He tries to ease his weight off Kira, and it’s telling when all it takes to stop him is her adjusting her grip. “Every second we waste arguing about this—”

“Is a second you could be resting.”

Scott looks physically pained, which is hilarious, because that’s what he is.

“We have to find him, Kira,” he says. “I—It’s Mason.”

“Hayden and I can start looking,” Liam says, finally making himself useful. “We know Mason and Corey’s scents the best, anyway.”

“And I can contact Parrish and Lydia,” Stiles says. “I’m sure they’ve had a very relaxed last couple hours, comparatively speaking, and are dying to go traipsing around town.”

“Look, I said I’ll be fine,” Scott says, frustration and an emotion Stiles can’t quite pin coloring his voice. “Just—just give me a minute.”

All three of them shoot Scott incredulous looks.

“…Or an hour,” he amends, like that fixes anything.

Stiles has had enough, because even in the handful of seconds they’ve spent arguing, Scott’s only slunk deeper into Kira’s support and it’s kind of starting to scare him. “Dude, you look like you need a month.”

“We don’t have that kind of time!”

It’s the genuine anger—no, fear—that slips into Scott’s voice that finally clues him in to what he’d been missing.

Scott had just healed from the last time he’d gotten badly beaten, and that had taken weeks of recovery—during which, he hadn’t been allowed to rest.

“Scott,” Kira says, and she must’ve figured it out, too, because her voice drops, “it’s okay to take time to heal.”

Something fractures in Scott’s expression, and Stiles curses Theo and the Dread Doctors and probably himself, because couldn’t this godforsaken town have given Scott more than a single day—

“I just need a couple hours,” Scott tries, and Stiles doesn’t understand why he won’t just let it go until he adds, “I’ll heal eventually either way.”

And.

Shit.

Shit.

Stiles looks at Scott’s ashen face and sees the same one he’d had while sitting in the back of a bus, standing in a puddle of gasoline, laying on a hospital floor.

You’ll heal.

“Scott,” he says, the words sticking painfully to the roof of his mouth, “You don’t—you might heal, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t matter, okay? I was—”

Stiles cuts off from where he was about to say upset, swallows it down, and slots back in the word that’s more correct—and the one that Scott needs to hear. “—I was wrong.”

Glassy eyes meet his, and Stiles adds concussion to the list of things he should be worried about. “But I—I can do this—”

“Scott,” Kira says, “if I let go of you right now, could you even walk across the parking lot?”

Scott, who looks like he’d fall over if Stiles breathed on him funny, looks very much like he’d still be willing to try.

“She’s right, Scott,” Liam pipes up, though his gaze remains firmly locked on his hands. “Just because you’ll heal from something doesn’t mean you have to be in pain.”

“Please, Scott,” Stiles says. “Let us help you for once. And if your own wellbeing isn’t enough to convince you, for the sake of altruism or whatever, you’d probably be more useful if you let yourself heal anyway.”

Scott looks between his three determined pack members and licks his lips nervously—there’s blood there, too, and Stiles’ earlier fears about internal injuries resurge. “But I…”

Kira nods to Liam, who scrambles to open the door to the jeep’s backseat. She starts moving them towards it, Stiles shuffling in to take Scott’s other side, when Scott digs in his heels.

“Wait,” he says. “We can’t leave without Malia—Braeden—”

“They’re right behind us, buddy.” Stiles is fully guessing, but he figures they’re more than capable of handling themselves either way.

“Braeden’s stayed to fix the cover story for the kids in the library,” Liam offers. “Malia, too. They said she’d catch up.”

Scott still looks like he wants to argue, so Stiles hurries to stuff him into the backseat with Kira as gently but quickly as possible. “See? All bases covered.”

Stiles then tosses Liam the keys to Scott’s bike while they get settled—“Don’t wreck it—” and turns back to Scott. “I’m thinking your house? Get that sweet, sweet medical exam from your mom?”

Scott hesitates, only half listening if the guilt lining his face means anything. He keeps one hand on the door, preventing Stiles from shutting it. “I might not—heal. For a while.”

Stiles swallows. “Yeah. Yeah, I know, Scotty.”

“But it’s worth it,” Kira says. She threads her fingers through Scott’s and places a soft kiss on his knuckles. “No amount of time is worth losing you.”

Scott looks at Kira, then looks at Stiles.

He lets Stiles close the door.

[rchtoziers]

27. “I’m not going to apologize for this. Not anymore.” 28. “That’s almost exactly the opposite of what I meant.” 53. “I’m flirting with you.”

kris because i love you….. i somehow managed to incorporate every one of these. i hope it is coherent. probably no but i love you so i tried my best xoxo

hm warning for some miscommunication ? ig ? just to be safe. these boys are idiots.

(reposting because tumblr hates meeeeeee)

* “It’s fucking snowing, you dipshit! Why the hell were you even on the roads?!”

Richie drops his head and shakes it, and flakes of snow tumble out of his   curls and onto the ground. He looks like an idiot, freezing his ass off wearing only his thick flannel jacket and some ripped jeans. Eddie’s  heart is in his throat just at the sight of him.

“Idiot,” Eddie says vehemently.

“Are you gonna let me in or am I gonna spend the night out here and freeze a la Jack Torrance?” Richie asks.

“You aren’t funny,” Eddie snaps. “Like. The least funny person I’ve ever met.”

Richie  sighs, long and dramatic, like he’s being extremely put out. “You could insult my comedic timing while I’m inside your apartment, warm and not freezing and drinking a cup of coffee. Just a suggestion.”

Eddie steps to the side. “Jesus Christ. You invite yourself over to my house. You offer yourself a cup of coffee. What a courteous guest.”

“I’m  a delight and you fucking know it,” Richie drawls as he steps into the apartment. Eddie closes the door firmly behind him, locking it for good measure. There’s already a puddle forming underneath Richie’s shoes from melted snow.

“Take off your shoes and your jacket, you’re  fucking soaked,” Eddie mutters. “I’ll go find you a hoodie or something  to warm you up, we can throw your clothes in the dryer. You’re mopping  my floor after this.”

Richie starts to shrug off his flannel  jacket, waggling his eyebrows obnoxiously. “Gee, Eds, if you wanted me  to strip, all you had to do is ask.”

“To put on new clothes,” Eddie stresses.

“Dunno, dude, all I heard was take all of your clothes off,” Richie says lecherously.

Eddie pinches the bridge of his nose. “That’s almost exactly the opposite of what I meant. You’re being deliberately obtuse.”

Richie toes his shoes off and picks them up, placing them on the empty spot next to Eddie’s on the rack right by the door. “First of all, I’m never deliberately anything,” Richie insists.

Eddie groans in exasperation and storms into his room, grabbing a hoodie from the top of his laundry pile that he’s pretty sure belongs to Richie anyway. “Why are you like this?” he mutters, mostly under his breath. Richie probably wouldn’t have heard it if he hadn’t trailed behind Eddie, following him  into the bedroom.

“Like what?” Richie demands, leaning against the doorway to Eddie’s bedroom like it’s the most comfortable place he could be. Eddie feels a little hot under the collar, so he turns sharply on his heel again and goes back to digging through his laundry.

“All—all,” Eddie stammers, flustered for some reason he can’t identify. He squeezes his eyes shut; one of his hands flutters uselessly in the air as he tries to explain his point. “All vulgar and teasing and—and, I don’t know, all flirty!”

“Uh,” Richie says, drawing out the word. There’s a genuine pinch in his brow when Eddie turns to glance at him. “Because… I’m flirting with you?”

Eddie’s breath hitches in his throat. His face feels flushed, his skin feels hot, his chest feels tight—there’s this desperately stupid part of him that’s fighting to be hopeful against the painfully realistic part of him that knows he should know better. He looks away. “Don’t say shit like that, Richie.”

“Why not?”

“Because it fucking hurts me, Richie, Jesus!” Eddie bursts out. He stands quickly and chucks the hoodie at Richie’s head. “This is what I mean! You’re deliberately obtuse! It hurts, Richie, it feels like you’re teasing me and I don’t like it!”

Richie’s expression is wounded. Eddie sucks in a sharp breath at the sight of it. “You don’t like it when I flirt with you,” he repeats.

“No!” Eddie says, exhausted in a way he can’t articulate. He doesn’t say, not when it isn’t real, like he wants to, but the words are right there on the tip of his tongue.

“Jee-zus, Eds, you really know how to kick a guy when he’s down,” Richie snaps back. “I didn’t realize that the mere thought of me flirting with you was so offensive it actually hurt you to know I thought I might have a chance. But you know what, dude? Fuck you. I’m not going to apologize for this. Not anymore.”

Eddie blinks, startled, suddenly, by the way the conversation has turned. He feels like he missed a step somewhere, or maybe like he blacked out and the conversation continued on without him. “Wait. What?”

Richie scoffs. “Oh, now who’s being deliberately obtuse?”

“What the fuck are you talking about?” Eddie demands. “What do you mean you thought you had a chance?”

Richie makes an incredulous sound. He waves his arms in the air like that explains anything, an action that’s inhibited by the fact he’s holding onto a hoodie, but nothing about this situation feels comical. “What the fuck do you think I meant?” Richie asks. “What the fuck is happening?”

Realization spreads through Eddie’s veins, straightening his spine as it dawns on him what must be happening here. He can’t believe it, if it’s true; can’t believe how blind they’ve both been, and how blind they’re still being right now. Perhaps there was an air of truth in his earlier statement, maybe both of them have been deliberately obtuse. Especially if this is what they could have had the whole time.

“You were flirting with me,” Eddie says slowly. “And you meant it?”

“And it’s the most heinous thing I could have done to you, I get it, oh my god!” Richie grumbles. “I drove here in the middle of a fucking snowstorm so you wouldn’t be alone, Eddie! I don’t know what I could have done to make it more obvious! I guess I could have paid for a neon sign over my head, but that felt a bit excessive. You know, you could have told me sooner that what I was doing was so gross you couldn’t even think about it, so that’s a little on you—”

“Oh my god, shut up!” Eddie shouts. “Do you ever stop talking? If you’d calm the fuck down for three seconds then you’d hear me say—”

“Say what?” Richie interrupts, because he never stops fucking talking, and Eddie isn’t even thinking before his legs are carrying him across the floor and his arms are reaching up and his hands are cupping Richie’s face and every part of him is curving against the perfect line of Richie’s body as he tugs Richie down into a kiss. It’s thoughtless, almost instinctive, and they match up perfectly even with those infuriating three or four inches of height that Richie’s got on him. They match up perfectly.

It’s the best way to get Richie to shut up, apparently, because he gets with the program a lot sooner than Eddie had expected him too and puts his hands on Eddie’s hips to tug him closer. It’s messy in a lot of ways that Eddie never daydreamed their first kiss would be like; Richie’s a little too eager and Eddie a little too desperate, but despite it all it’s the most perfect first kiss Eddie’s ever had. Richie’s thumb presses against his hipbone and Eddie tilts up on his toes to deepen the kiss and he can feel the rumble of Richie’s chest against his own when Richie groans.

“Got anything you want to say now?” Eddie asks, when he finally pulls away for long enough to catch his breath. Richie’s forehead is pressed against his and their breaths mingle as they both pant and, honestly, it should be disgusting but Eddie feels high off of it. He’s intoxicated by the way RIchie’s jawline feels underneath his hands, drunk on the way Richie’s body moves against his, desperate to familiarize himself with the hungry, easy way that Richie kisses. He wants more, more, more, in a way he never quite has before. It should scare him.

“Oh, so you get to flirt?” Richie asks.

It should scare him. But Eddie just hauls Richie down for another kiss and decides there are some things that aren’t worth the worry.

[furyfought]

abernathy is a small town, surely you’ve met AGATHA KLEIN ; they can be a little IRREVERENT & OPPORTUNISTIC but have no fear , the TWENTY SEVEN year old definitely makes up for it by being IMPISH & SENSITIVE . most of the time anyway .  they’re usually seen around KLEIN & ASSOCIATES, LLC , as a CRIMINAL DEFENSE ATTORNEY . you know, i hear they’re affiliated with the local mc, iron kings as an ATTORNEY . they’ve got this vibe of A HEART GROWN RAVENOUS, A CYANIDE CENTER ENCAPSULATED BY SACCHARINE FRUIT, AND A SOUL IN THE FORM OF A SCRIBBLE WITH FANGS going on , makes them easily recognizable.

loosely inspired by jennifer check (jennifer's body), wendy byrde (ozark), ginger fitzgerald (ginger snaps), elizabeth sloane (miss sloane), john silver (black sails), & BBHMM.

+ pinterest, stats.

hey, friends. i’m devin (or dev) & very tickled to be here. agatha’s a combination of two of my favorite muses, and i can only hope that you’ll love her as much as i do. 🤎

"𝐇𝐄𝐑𝐄, 𝐈 𝐀𝐌 𝐆𝐑𝐀𝐂𝐄𝐋𝐄𝐒𝐒. 𝐍𝐎. 𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐒𝐄 𝐓𝐇𝐀𝐍 𝐓𝐇𝐀𝐓."

agatha’s story isn’t one that she likes to tell anymore. she feels it’s useless: to be defined by the actions of others, to attempt to battle the preconceived notions that run rampant regardless of what one says or does. she doesn’t want to beg for understanding anymore, or to claw her way from beneath the filth she’s made of her life. all that most know is all that she can bear to have known. the rest? it’s confetti; a meager concession in a game of chess. if you know her, is that a fact or a weapon to be used against her?

when it comes to the stories that can be told, however.. perhaps the most important is background. agatha’s an abernathy native: raised in grandiose park, flew the coop for college, only to settle back down in bordeaux apartments. klein & associates, llc. has been in her family for generations, each forefather serving increasingly questionable clients. agatha’s life, like that of many kleins before her, was already planned before she’d ever even been a thought in her parents’ minds. under her mother’s rule, there wasn’t any room for straying from that path. agatha would be smart; she would be clean; and she would be, without fail, someone. in other words, she would be her perfect replica. imagine the disappointment when agatha was anything but. 

agatha’s childhood can be summed up by three things: a door slammed shut in her face, an ear-piercing howl, and the chronic longing to go home — wherever that was. it’s another thing she doesn’t talk about, another thing she tries not to think about. those three things have followed her into adulthood, but they’ve taken different forms now. no longer is agatha a child screaming her throat raw — no; now, she cries out in other more productive ways. if you were to ask her, she’d tell you that she’s a woman grown; the past is behind her, buried in the sand where it belongs. the truth is trickier, less absolute. agatha is a child in the form of a woman; forever in the midst of a metamorphosis, unsure if for better or worse. she lacks foresight & lives largely in the now. she can’t imagine a future for herself and her choices in life reflect that.

agatha succeeds because she’s pretty, powerful, and convincing. wherever she falls short, her father is sure to more than make up for it. it’s amazing what people will do for the right price, and when they want to keep certain secrets from ever seeing the light. nepotism & immense privilege have done wonders for her, but she does.. actually work hard, too. she has an incredible memory & is really good at digging for more information & making her case. if she tells you that she’s going to do something, then she’s going to do it right no matter what. she’s dogged in that way, blinded to the outside world by her stubbornness. she works long hours & values her career above all else. she thinks it’s the only sure thing she has & views it as the one stable, secure thing in her life.

agatha is lonely to the point of defect. she lacks a sense of security in her life, which is why she’s so career-focused. she genuinely thinks that the only person ever looking out for her is her dad. she becomes very predictable once you realize that she will always pick the winning team; that she will forever follow the money; and that she is always going to make the decision that most benefits her. that isn’t to say that she doesn’t have any friends omg, but.. she doesn’t really trust easily. if she trusts you and considers you near and dear to her heart, then she’ll choose you. but until she has that reassurance? you’re on your own, bro. 

but like.. you literally would not know that unless you got burned by her. agatha is really good at listening and really good at playing parts for people. the thing with having no story is that she’s free to create her own. if you need a hero, she can be that. if you need a villain, she can definitely be that. she’s eerily good at getting chummy enough to make people think she’s close, only for them to realize.. they don’t actually know anything real about her? fun stuff. 

i think.. her entire life is a vie for power while also wanting to let go of that desire while also being afraid of what might happen if she were to let go of that desire. she’s not tht bad. she can play decent, be a guy’s guy. and she does come off tht way. it’s jus.. underneath there’s tht like .. tht rot tht she can’t scrub away. n it rears its ugly little head smtimes. but. :^) she can be cool n shoot the shit u kno.. heheh.

anyway.. lighter stuff<3 puts the gaslight and gatekeep in girlboss. talks just like her daddy, except for when she’s in the courtroom. egocentric without ever meaning to be. (spoiler: it’s a smoke screen.) she can, must, and will find a way to twist your words into something she can make sense of. believes in mixed drink supremacy. will absolutely smoke all of your weed + play dumb about hogging the blunt. plays dumb a lot actually, until it’s time to be smart. she’s touchy-feely, but freezes up whenever someone touches her. stares — a lot. can’t ever be the person to pick you up after a rough night out, because she’s likely there with you egging you on to do one more shot. every event is a tits out event / she has to be the most overdressed person in the convenience store at all times. can, must, and will be your unsolicited sugar momma. YOU SPIL-DBFDHFDJHBF LIPSTICK IN MY VALENTINO WHITE BAG? energy. thinks everything is a competition because it is. if she loved you once then she loves you forever. thinks going 20 over the speed limit isn’t speeding, actually. a bit of an emotional anarchist. can’t actually take what she’ll dish out. teases u if she likes u. teases u if she doesn’t like u. doesn’t care abt the feud as long as she’s gettin’ tht shmoney. big fan of an emotional sucker punch. 

"𝐌𝐘 𝐖𝐀𝐍𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐒𝐄𝐄𝐌𝐒 𝐋𝐈𝐊𝐄 𝐈𝐓𝐒 𝐎𝐖𝐍 𝐀𝐍𝐈𝐌𝐀𝐋, 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐈 𝐀𝐌 𝐀𝐋𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐃𝐘 𝐀𝐍 𝐀𝐍𝐈𝐌𝐀𝐋."  + below are some ideas open to any & all muses no matter the age, gender, affiliation, etc !

i’ve left how she got involved with the mc totally absent from this intro bc i was hoping to plot it out! i’d love it if someone wanted to be her “in”. could be they were a childhood friend in need of help, a client she got close to, jus smth tht happened by chance.. whtever we come up with works! <3

if anyone needs an evil ex gf .. She’s Here. she will lie, cheat, scam, trash yr car, empty yr bank account.. whtvr you need, baybee<3

conversely.. not-so-evil ex gf? agatha can be nice & caring without there being a catch sometimes. maybe they still talk. maybe they’re friends. u tell me.

fwb / ex fwb? she do be sending them ‘u up?’ texts. 

someone tht agatha only got close to bc she wanted them to testify/be a character witness in court oopz<3

omg actual friends pls.. ppl tht Know her. tht See her. ppl tht she cares abt n would actually do anything for. friends!!!!!!!!!!!!

agatha has “get off my lawn” energy so i think it would be very funnie if someone needed a place to crash n she let them stay at hers thinking it was temporary n then they jus.. did not leave. n she’s like 🤨 hello?

an almost smth? anything weird n awkward n unspoken tht maybe fizzled out or maybe still lingers under the surface?

agatha doesn’t have a budding drinking problem but if she does no she doesn’t but if she does then<3 drinking buddy? someone that she’s gotten into questionable shenanigans with? poor bartender tht has to deal w her trying to “help” them as she waits for her uber to come? the possibilities are endless.

agatha’s all bark n very little bite but i still think it’d be funnie if she had a hateship. jus putting tht out there<3

if yr muse wnts an ego boost via unrequited crush.. lmk. i’m willing to hulk smash all of agatha’s dignity jus for u.

omggg a dealer? >.> who said tht omg #hacked.. 

on n off again thingz? lorde wrote tht "i am my mother's child i'll love you til my breathing stops / i'll love you till you call the cops on me" line abt her</3

budding friendships!!!!!!! ppl tht she goes to pilates or yoga with; people she gets brunch with; ppl she keeps running into n its like heeey u :); little platonic crushes jus . all of the cute platonic thingz tht make her go wtf is this 🤨. 

i mean.. if anyone wants a sugar momma.. I MEANNN..

college friends!! law school friends!! ppl she met over the summer while interning somewhere!! i left tht purposely vague, hint-hint.

tinder dates gone wrong. ghosted tinder dates. tinder thingz.

agatha’s been attending galas / banquets / office partiez for ages now so if anyone wants to be her plus one or her lil fake date... :^) could be cute. cld be angsty. world is our oyster. 

speaking of which.. coworkers n maybe even a lil personal assistant would be so sexie.

[musicalluna]

touchy feely

This is a way overdue Marvel Trumps Hate fic for 2019! I hope I did justice to your request, @seleneaurora​. SORRY IT TOOK 12 YEARS

Thank you to @onemuseleft for betaing!!

--

“You’re picturing Tony in that outfit, aren’t you?” Clint sounds smug.

Heat curls up Steve’s neck and into his ears. “Yes,” he admits, strangled. He and the rest of the Avengers—minus Tony—are in the front row at the 2014 Stark Expo welcome event in a specially roped off area just for them.

Natasha smirks. “Oh, he has his own Ironette costume, take my word for it. Play your cards right, Cap.”

“I didn’t need to know that,” Bruce says from Steve’s left. Steve has no response because he’s pretty sure his brain is dribbling out of his ears.

Tony had invited them to the Stark Expo under the guise of all of them needing a vacation, but he’s been working night and day for months to prepare for the Expo and Steve knows he’s proud of what’s being presented. A few years ago they'd have all assumed—except maybe Natasha—that Tony genuinely didn't care what they think about his work, but these days they know better.

So they're here with him in Boston to show their support.

On stage, the Ironettes swivel their hips as one and Steve pictures Tony doing the same in those tiny, shiny shorts. His ears go blisteringly hot.

His crush is getting seriously out of control.

Finish on Ao3 or

When Tony's welcome ends, they make their way through the crowd to the back of house to meet up with him for dinner. Tony's brief speech had been electrifying and the audience fills the arena with an infectious buzz as they trickle out to join the opening night party.

“You know, I got pretty good at this flashy stuff during the USO tours, but I was never anything like Tony.”

“You find him dazzling, we know,” Thor says, with only a hint of exasperation. Steve's only a little embarrassed. Tony's incredible. He's not ashamed to let people know he thinks so. Even if his friends are maybe a little sick of hearing it.

The security guard at the curtain checks each of their IDs carefully before allowing them back.

Behind the curtain, it's like seeing Fury at the grocery store. All the polish and glamour is replaced with severe practical scaffolding and wires everywhere you look. Strange and not meant to be seen.

Bruce's shoulders relax a little now they're out of the crush of the massive crowd.

Steve spots Tony on the far side of the stage by a stack of black equipment cases. There's a man with sandy blond hair holding Tony by the neck with both hands as he kisses his cheeks and that seems normal enough until Tony plants his hands on the other man's chest and shoves him backward. Tony's face is twisted with anger.

“SECURITY!” he shouts and Steve breaks into a run.

He flies across the space, but security gets to the blond before he can, so he redirects and skids to a stop in front of Tony instead. He reaches out, then stops before actually touching Tony. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, fine,” Tony says breezily, letting his elbow press into Steve's open hand. “I'm good. I just hate that guy.” With permission to touch, Steve isn't shy about checking to make sure Tony's really okay. His neck is a little red. Apparently, the other man had a good grip on him. Steve huffs, aggravated.

“Have a good time tonight, Anthony!” the blond calls in a nasally voice as Tony's security drag him out of the room. Steve glares after him.

“Goodbye, Justin! See you never!” Tony retorts. 

“What the hell was he doing here?” Natasha demands as she and the others catch up.

Tony sighs. “Being a pain in my ass.”

“You know him too?” Steve says.

“We've met.” Natasha's mouth pulls into a wry line.

“Kinda grabby, huh?” Clint says.

“Yeah,” Tony agrees, rubbing his jaw. “Not usually a kisser, but it's been awhile.” He gives a full body shudder and shakes himself. “God, that guy. Can't believe he got in here. Anyway.” He swipes his hands downward. “Time for dinner, right?”

“Aye,” Thor says, “now we feast!”

Steve takes the lead, keeping an eye out for anyone headed their direction and Tony falls back to walk with Natasha, the two of them talking in low voices.

“Wasn't he in jail?” Tony's muttering, annoyance thick in his voice. He goes with it easily when Natasha gently pushes his chin to the side, peering at his neck. “I feel like I need a shower.”

“He was. Released for good behavior.”

“Good be—you're shitting me.”

“I wish I was.”

“Unbelievable.”

They're ushered through a back hallway in the building and step out into the cool Los Angeles evening air to find their limo and Happy waiting for them.

“Hi, Boss,” Happy greets, cheerfully. “Everybody.”

“Hi, Happy,” they reply in a disjointed chorus. They pile into the limo. Steve's mildly embarrassed by the way everyone leaves him a space next to Tony, but he's also grateful. He loves being in Tony's orbit.

“Your presentation was great, Tony. You're something else on stage.”

Tony smiles at him and then tips his head to the side, letting his cheek rest on Steve's shoulder. Warmth flushes through Steve's belly. “Thanks, Steve. Glad you think so.”

“I don't know how you do it.”

Tony huffs a laugh. “Practice. Lots and lots of practice. I used to be able to do stuff like that wasted, too.” He trails off thoughtfully.

Steve turns his head, trying to inhale the warm, metallic scent of Tony without being obvious about it, but he catches Bruce's eyes over Tony's head and feels his face go hot. He doesn’t have long to be embarrassed though. They’re only crossing a street to get to their hotel across from the convention center and they’ve already arrived.

Everyone piles back out of the limo and then into the garage elevator. Their dinner reservation is at a restaurant on one of the upper floors.

Tony starts to act strange not long after they’re escorted to the rooftop patio. Steve makes a joke, something dumb about LA versus New York, and Tony giggles like Steve's said something actually funny. He leans into Steve's shoulder, the way he used to when he still got drunk regularly. Steve has mixed feelings about it. He doesn’t like it when Tony drinks, but he misses how physically affectionate Tony had been when he drank.

“Tony, have you had a drink?” Steve asks.

Tony pulls his head back, frowning, and his hand comes off of Steve’s arm. “No,” he says sharply. “I’m sober.”

“Okay,” Steve says. He believes him. “You’re handsy tonight, that’s all.”

Slower than usual, Tony blinks. “Am I?” He looks down at his hands, then draws back further, the anger on his face turning to worry. “Is it bothering you?”

Steve catches his arm before he can back away too far. “No. Tony, it’s fine. Just something I noticed that’s all.” He glances down at his hand on Tony’s arm. The warmth of Tony’s skin feels… His hand flexes.

Tony looks up at him, his eyes seeming bigger than usual, gleaming in the patio lights. His eyelashes are so beautiful.

Tony shifts, and it’s like Steve can feel it through his whole body, even though they’re only touching at the one spot.

“Hey, you guys gonna dish up or what?” Clint says, waggling a silver kettle with a narrow spout. Tony raises an eyebrow at Clint, making no move to take it, so Steve does.

Clint is apparently the most familiar with how to eat this food, so Steve watches him to see what's next. Clint has another kettle and he's pouring a golden yellow liquid into a glass bottle Thor is holding out. It has a long narrow neck and a wide, round base that makes Steve think of the volumetric beakers in Bruce's lab. There's one in front of each of their plates. Natasha, on his right, holds out hers first, so Steve fills it, careful to touch the spout to the tiny opening of the bottle. He fills it to the top, same as Clint's doing, feeling Nat's hand on his lower back. Everyone's a little handsy tonight, apparently. He moves to fill Tony's next and Clint catches hold of the kettle, pushing it back.

“Not for him. You want tea or coffee, Tony?”

“Coffee.”

“Why'd I ask?” Clint says with a grin and raises his hand, pointing at Tony's place. “Can we get a coffee for this guy?”

The waiter nods and whisks away the little glass bottle, disappearing back inside.

Steve pauses, realizing the drink must be alcoholic. He glances around the table. “Hey, this is okay with you, Tony?”

“Huh? Oh, sure. This stuff isn't really my thing. Too sweet. Go on. Enjoy.”

Reassured that they're not making things unnecessarily difficult on Tony, Steve pours some for himself.

The waiter returns with Tony’s coffee and a companion, who carries a massive round silver tray covered in piles of bright colored food. Behind him is another guy with six plates carefully balanced on both arms. Those have rolls of something thin and brown. Up close, it kind of reminds Steve of a crepe.

The big platter is set down in the middle of the table and Clint and Tony immediately dive in, tearing off chunks of the thin brown sheets and pinching a bit of whatever’s closest to pop in their mouths.

Tony groans and it feels like Steve’s hair stands on end. “That’s good. It’s been years, oh my god.”

Clint reaches across the table to feed his second bite to Natasha.

Steve wants to do that, to feed something into Tony's mouth, and he flushes hot at the thought. Instead, he digs in, copying Clint and Tony and pinching some of the food between a scrap of the brown sheet from his own plate and popping the whole thing in his mouth. The flavor is intense, completely taking over his tongue, followed by the tangy flavor of the pancake-like stuff. It's unlike anything Steve's ever eaten, despite some of the familiar flavors.

Tony presses his knee into Steve's thigh, leaning close. He's smiling. “What do you think?”

“It's—wow. Intense. Good.”

Tony grins, eyes crinkling. “It is, isn't it?”

“You've had it before?”

“Years ago. We were doing a business deal in Ethiopia. Clint's obviously had more experience,” he says, raising his voice to carry across the table.

Clint swallows a mouthful and shrugs. “I lived in Ethiopia for like, two years.”

“I'm pretty sure that's still classified,” Nat says mildly.

“Everyone at this table is classified,” Clint points out.

“Hear hear,” Tony says, lifting his glass and everyone laughs, but they all lift their glasses too.

After swallowing some of the sweet yellow drink, Steve says, “You know, someday it'd be nice to go somewhere just to, y'know. Go. Instead of going for a fight.”

“You don't even go to the grocery store without going for a fight,” Nat drawls and Steve rolls his eyes at her.

Clint hoots. “'I'll pick up a couple brawls on my way home, maybe a tussle.'”

Thor grins. “Our Steve is always ready.”

“Har har,” Steve says dryly.

Tony nudges Steve's elbow. “I'll take you anywhere you want to go, you know that, don't you, Cap? Seriously. Anywhere. You name the place, you name the time.” Tony puts a hand on his thigh and Steve feels it all the way down to his toes, up into his scalp. The palm of Tony's hand is hot, radiating through Steve's pants, feeling like a small sun against his leg. Steve's tongue suddenly feels too big for his mouth.

Tony licks his lips, sweat glittering at his hairline. He blinks and then his eyes pinch slightly at the corners. “I...feel strange.”

Steve frowns and turns in his seat to face Tony more fully. “You are flushed.” He cups a hand around Tony's shoulder and a juddering gasp slips from Tony's mouth, his eyes going even darker. He licks his lips again and Steve's stomach flutters.

“Sorry,” Tony mumbles, hand tightening a little around Steve's thigh, “'m touching you again.”

“I'm touching you, too,” Steve points out. Part of him recognizes that his hand has moved from Tony's shoulder to his neck and that that's...an awful lot closer than he usually gets, but he can't make himself let go.

“Yeah,” Tony murmurs, eyelids falling to half mast. “Feels good.” Then he shudders suddenly and, grimacing, scoots away from Steve on the bench.

It hurts, twisting in Steve's gut more powerfully than it should.

“Shit,” Tony says, stretching his face. “Shit, Steve, I think you're right.”

“Right about what?” Steve asks, his stomach falling unpleasantly when his hand disconnects from Tony's neck.

“I think I'm drunk. Well, not drunk—drugged. I think someone dosed me with something.”

Natasha presses up against Steve from behind to look around his shoulder and the ugly feeling in Steve's stomach recedes. “Dosed you with something?”

“I don't feel right,” Tony says again and the hand that's been burning steadily against Steve's thigh for the better part of the last few minutes pulls away. Tony groans, but Steve has a hard time focusing on that because his leg feels cold and aching in its wake. Tony puts his hand back and it's like dipping his leg into a Jacuzzi—hot and instantly soothing.

“Shit,” Tony says. “Yeah, definitely dosed me with something.”

Natasha pushes to her feet and moves behind Steve, one of her hands staying on his shoulder even as she cups Tony's chin, tilting his face upward. “What kind of something?”

Tony leans into her touch. “Feel kinda drunk. Kinda not. Touching feels really good. Hurts when I stop touching Steve.”

“Hurts, huh?” Nat says. Her mouth twists with displeasure. “Sounds like a disinhibitor with some kind of tactile response.”

“That sounds like spy for 'sex pollen'.”

Natasha shrugs one shoulder. “If you want to be a huge nerd about it.”

Tony sticks his tongue out at her.

“Maybe we should go back to the hotel,” Bruce says.

Nodding, Tony says, “Yeah. Let's do that. JARVIS can do a scan and see what's up.”

They gather their things and Steve takes care of the bill. Thankfully, they don't have far to go—they're staying just a few floors up. The staff is obviously confused by their early departure from their dinner, but they don't ask any questions. Natasha plasters herself to Tony's side as they trek up to his room. Steve feels like he did after the plane crash, cold and aching everywhere, but he grits his teeth and pushes through it.

Back in Tony's room, everyone spreads out. Thor makes himself at home on the settee in the lounge while Tony and Natasha move over to where Tony's luggage is sitting on a rack at the foot of his bed. Steve wants to follow them, but he crosses his arms tightly over his chest and mashes down the urge. Clint hops up on the desk where he can watch everyone and Bruce follows behind all of them, his eyes moving carefully around the room.

“JARVIS,” Tony says, “body scan.”

“Scanning, sir,” JARVIS acknowledges.

Steve puts his back to the wall, trying to keep himself still. Everyone is quiet while JARVIS runs the scan. After the light passes over Tony's body, he reaches out and puts his thumb against the keypad. A second later he draws back, sucking his thumb into his mouth.

“Scan complete,” JARVIS says. “Sir’s heart rate and respiration are slightly elevated. UV scan indicates areas with an unusual powder substance, mainly concentrated on the face and hands. Blood analysis shows elevated dopamine levels.”

“What if you stop touching?” Bruce asks.

Tony grimaces and Natasha's expression goes a little flatter, but they separate and JARVIS repeats the process while they huddle there unhappily.

“Your heart and respiration rates have accelerated significantly,” he reports. “Dopamine levels have plummeted.”

“Yeah, not feeling great,” Tony mutters. “Nat?”

Steve bites his cheek. He aches all over, the cold still clinging to his bones.

Natasha reaches out and takes Tony's hand and Tony sags, stepping toward her. She strokes his face. “That wasn't so bad.”

Tony laughs, but the sound is a little wet. Steve's stomach clenches and he sways forward before he gets himself back under control.

His lapse doesn't go unnoticed.

“Are you also affected?” Thor asks and every eye in the room turns toward Steve.

Steve flushes. “I'm fine.”

Bruce raises an eyebrow. “That's not what he asked.”

“Oh my god, of course you're not fine. You're the first one who touched me after Hammer grabbed me!”

“You think that's when it happened?” Nat says.

“JARVIS said there was a powder on my face and hands. I bet it got on me after he put his scummy face all over mine and then I rubbed it and voila.”

“I touched your face after that,” Natasha realizes aloud. “I think you're right.”

“I'm always right. Steve, get over here,” he says imperiously. “You've gotta feel like shit.”

“I...” Steve doesn't move, feeling the weight of everyone's eyes and, worse, the weight of the idea of touching Tony the way Natasha is now, her fingers stroking the hair at the back of his neck, and… His heart speeds up, juddering in his chest.

“Steve. Come on.” Tony holds out a hand and Steve stares at it.

“I don't...think that's a good idea,” he finally manages to get out.

“Why not?”

Steve looks at Nat, feeling panic crawl up the back of his neck. She regards him for a moment and then says, “Thor. You'll sit with him, won't you?”

“Of course, anything you require,” Thor says.

Tony's face folds slowly, hurt buckling his mouth.

Steve's gut twists painfully. “It's not like that—”

Tony shrugs one shoulder. “It's fine, it's whatever, I'm not gonna twist your arm.”

Thor puts a hand on the back of Steve's neck, cupping it, his thumb stroking the tendon in Steve's neck and the relief, the instant flood of it, nearly takes his legs out from under him.

“Don't do that,” he hears Natasha murmur and Steve looks up to see Tony with his head bowed, hands in his hair.

His voice is low, but Steve can still hear when he mutters, “He doesn't even want to get close to me when it hurts.”

“Of course I do!” Steve blurts and then goes stock still, mouth still open. Tony and Natasha's gazes turn toward him.

“Rude,” Tony mutters, but he just looks tired.

Steve can't stand that look on his face and the words just keep coming. “I can't—not, not when I'm like this, Tony. It takes all I've got to stop myself on a normal day. I can't do it with this in my system.”

“Stop yourself—stop yourself from what?” But before anyone can answer, his expression transforms, oh shit, so clear on his face it may as well be written across his forehead.

Steve covers his face, shoulders hunching. “This is not how I wanted you to find out,” he says stiffly.

“Oh my god, this is need to know information,” Tony exclaims. “And all of you knew, didn't you!”

“We were sworn to secrecy,” Bruce says mildly, and Steve winces.

“Oh my god! Okay. Okay, fine, this is fine. That's...hey, look at me.”

Steve can't resist the order in Tony's voice, so he raises his eyes.

Tony points a finger at him. “We are going to talk about this later. Extensively.” His eyes are dark again, intense, and Steve swallows, a hot stone settling in his stomach. He nods. “But right now, we're gonna cuddle over here and you guys are gonna cuddle over there and we're going to watch a movie and wait this out.”

Clint holds out his hands to Bruce. “Snuggle buddies?”

“Hulk likes being the little spoon,” Bruce replies, very seriously. The tension is gone, broken as easy as that.

As they get settled in to watch the movie, Steve glances over and catches Tony's eye again. Tony gives him a tiny smile and Steve's stomach flips. He wriggles deeper under Thor's arm, the warmth and weight of it washing through him in vibrating waves of contentment and he sees Tony frown. Nat pinches Tony's leg.

Steve breaks into a grin, too buoyed by Tony's attention and the substance to even think of smothering it.

He's going to play his cards very right.

[doof-doofblog]

"You And Me, We're Done, For Good!"

Double Episode Catch-Up

Monday 1st March - Tuesday 2nd March 2021

Hello again everyone! Hope your week is going well so far! I've decided again today that in a desperate attempt to catch up, I'm going to do another post reviewing two episodes. I feel my last post went well and the way I wrote it felt really good, so I'm hoping this one will be the same. So I'll be reviewing the episodes of Monday and Tuesday this week,

Wow, wow, wow!!! An emotional dramatic roller-coaster that's for sure! Okay so I feel there are two main things to focus on, but before we start on them I'm going to start with Whitney and Gray. So after Valentine's Day it looks as if Whitney and Kush have been having a secret fling. Their romance hasn't come to knowledge for everyone yet, as they appear to be enjoying each other's company, Whitney is ushered away as Gray contacts her to look after the children. Of course, being how kind, caring and understanding Kush is, lets her go to do her job at childminding. Whitney goes a out her day looking after the kids, but when Gray comes home asking where the children are, Whitney informs him that they're playing with Raymond over at Denise's, now I get Gray would be concerned as Lucas has returned, but he has no knowledge about Lucas, plus the children wouldn't be there unsupervised, Denise wouldn't allow that considering what she knows, so I feel Gray getting angry with Whitney was completely unnecessary - but then again, when has Gray ever done something which is necessary?! Something tells me if he flips about Whitney letting his children go out to play, how the heck is he going to react when he learns she's been building a relationship with Kush?! It's been known that Gray has hold a spark for Whitney, but it looks as if she just sees him as a mate - I fear what's going to happen when Gray learns about Whitney and Kush, what do you guys think?!  

--

Awwwww Isaac and Lola?! I wasn't sure I was going to enjoy this relationship? I always did love Lola being with Jay, but I'm beginning to think that this could really go somewhere! It looks as if Isaac really does have strong feelings for Lola and after recent events of confronting his Mother to deal with his diagnosis, he's ready to tell Lola about his condition. As they enjoy another date, they were discussing movies and I have to be honest, I loved this moment, I enjoyed how natural it was. The banter, the laughing, genuinely getting to know each other more, but the interesting moment when Lola tells him to reveal something to her that she doesn't know about him, he does look a bit scared, a bit hesitant to tell her the truth, but eventually he admits that he has schizophrenia.

Now understandably, this would worry Lola. But I think she dealt the news brilliantly! Very understanding, caring - almost as if it didn't matter. She's still willing to go on dates with him and even move further into a relationship. However when she's back home after the date, maybe just to put her mind at rest, she tries asking a type of "Alexa" whether schizophrenia is dangerous, but it looks as if it doesn't work and the device doesn't respond. Just then, Isaac arrives with desserts with huge happy smiles across his face, but Lola kind of digs herself a hole when the device has a delayed response, informing her about schizophrenia right in front of Isaac. I do feel this was a little awkward, predictable maybe, but it made for brilliant viewing. Even Isaac finds the funny side and admits that he understands her concern and reassures her about any worries she may have for the future. Even the following scene where they're enjoying their dessert together, I love how Isaac is reminiscing about his teenage years and informing Lola of the time he told a friend about his diagnosis, I found it really really moving.

As I explained in my last post, I don't know the full detail when it comes to schizophrenia, I had to do a bit of research to understand, but I'll be interested to see if Isaac's condition deteriorates or becomes worse. Isn't it a bit predictable? Isaac finds happiness with Lola, only for his illness to escalate and go out of control? This is EastEnders after all, nothing is ever simple or easy and happiness doesn't last for very long. I'll be interested to see if they do an episode which focuses completely on Isaac and his mental health, as they've done with Stacey and Bobby in previous episodes, I think it would be great for the viewers to learn and understand what schizophrenia entails for those suffering with it.

--

Okay so finally I know the name of character, it's Stas!!!!! After how many episodes now? Three maybe? His name is pronounced loud and clear! (Also thank you to a few subtitles!). Okay so this story regarding Ben, Kheerat and Stas kind of makes sense. So Ben and Kheerat have joined forces in a way to do business with Stas. Did anyone else feel for Vinny though? I felt bad the way Vinny was dragged into all of this. I think Vinny hesitates when he learns that his brother is doing business with Mitchell's but also states that it'll be a bold move to get their family name out there and heard of.

Things seem to be going well for a Panesar's, that is until a dodgy shoplifter is spotted in their shop, both Kheerat and Vinny take it upon themselves to lock the shoplifter in the shop and confront them. Can I also just mention how brilliant Kheerat was in this scene, it was a strong and powerful performance from Jaz Deol. I don't know why I loved it so much, but I felt like it was a type of speech that we've never seen before, well maybe apart from Masood a few years back. I kind of see Kheerat as a younger version of Masood in a way, what do you think?! Eventually a plan is put in place for Ben, Kheerat and Stas to meet at the Arches. As far as I can make out, Stas is expecting for receive his money - money for what, I don't know? But either way Kheerat tries to reassure Stas that his "Dirty money" will be delivered. The one moment that did grab my attention though is when Stas basically insulted Ben about his sexuality, I mean - how dare he!

As time drags on, Stas seems to get a little impatient for his money and from the looks of things, Vinny is meant to be the one who's delivering the money. Stas starts to lose his temper and pulls out a gun, in an attempt to hurry things along he puts on some music as a timer for when he wants his money to be delivered, but unbeknown to everyone, as Vinny is rushing to get the money to the Arches on time, he gets approached by the shoplifter along with a huge gang, cornering him in his path. It's far to say that as the music is continuing to play, both Ben and Kheerat are fearing for their life as Stas threatens to blow up the building as a he points a gun to a gas canister. Poor Vinny is trapped, he tries his best to fight his way out of the brawl, backing into the Vic. Luckily as he enters the pub, he sees Callum sat at the bar, in a desperate attempt to get away safely, he asks Callum for his help. But little does Callum know what he's getting himself involved in, especially considering his job role.

Only, how Callum does help Vinny remains to be seen, as we don't see exactly what Callum does. But eventually, Vinny makes it to the Arches, even though he's late and music has stopped playing, both Ben and Kheerat have managed to talk Stas round in the meantime. Ben admits to his ex-business partner that he had called him "Mad" in the past, but that does not mean that he's stupid. I have to admit watch all this drama unfold, it was pretty exciting stuff, dramatic and very suspenseful. Eventually, Vinny arrives safe and sound with his money still all in tact in the bag, I guess you could say Kheerat and Ben are more than relieved to see his appearance. Kheerat mentions that everything can be forgotten if Stas leaves with the money now and he'll make sure that Stas is given his money every month. As things begin to settle down and Stas leaves with his money, everyone else returns to the Panesar business, Kheerat questions Ben as to whether Stas has always been so erratic in his ways, to which Ben admits he is. Has Kheerat got himself in too deep? As Ben turns his attention to Vinny and questions why he was so late, Vinny reveals to them that he had to ask Callum for help, which completely sends Kheerat in a panic! Considering Callum's job role, who knows what would've happened if Callum had found out the truth? Kheerat voices his disappointment in his brother, claiming that if anything comes back to haunt them, then it's on his head! I do kind of feel for Vinny at this point as well, and when he bumps into Callum later on in the street, it looks as if he's beginning to question his involvement in his brother's business. Does he really want to be handling dodgy deals with his brother and Ben Mitchell? Does he perhaps want to take a different route and do something different with his life? Even Callum admits he could become a police officer, PC Vinny Panesar - who knows?

As Ben returns home after his eventful day, he bumps into Stas for one last time. Showing a bit of interest, he questions who it was who told him the Mitchell's were backstabbing him. It's then that Kat is seen leaving the pub, Stas clocks on to her and informs Ben that it was actually her who blabbed. But the interesting is, how is Ben going to react when he learns Kat has been sleeping with his Dad?! THAT I am looking forward to seeing! Are Phil and Kat actually a serious thing? Or simply just a bit of fun?

--

Okay, so we have to talk about Ruby don't we? Poor Ruby! I think I'm beginning to feel more sorry for her as time goes on. I don't condone the lying and scheming that she's done, but no one deserves to go through losing a baby, it's the most heart-breaking thing anyone can go through. It's the day after her miscarriage and it looks as if she just wants to carry on, heading to work might even take her mind off of a few things, but Martin tries to persuade her to stay at home. But as Ruby is adamant she wants to go to wrong, she gets an excruciating pain. As Ruby is rushed to hospital, it looks as if Stacey is at home feeling nothing but guilt, does she fear that it's her fault that Ruby lost her baby? I mean, she didn't do anything to harm her, but due to all her stress, could that have caused Ruby to have a miscarriage?

It's eventually revealed that Ruby has suffered a haemorrhage after her miscarriage and they need to empty her womb. I have to say the performances from both James Bye and Louisa Lytton have been brilliant during these episodes, having to watch a young couple grieve for their lost baby, it's devastating! Poor Martin doesn't know how to console his wife, he simply can't find the right words to comfort her. He returns home to get her some more comfortable clothing when Stacey approaches, of course she's riddled with guilt and remorse, she deeply apologises to Martin. I think after everything she and Martin have been through, they know each other better than anyone, so when Martin admits he doesn't know how to be there for Ruby, Stacey tells her ex-husband that all Ruby needs is for him to talk to her, to know how he's feeling, it'll give her some comfort that she's not having to go through this all on her own.

Returning to the hospital, Martin finally finds the courage to open up to his wife. Earlier she questioned why he wasn't angry for losing his child. But he admits that he hasn't gotten past the sad stage, he's still upset and grieving for the child they've lost. He admits that when Ruby announced she was pregnant, he was terrified to begin with, but then he came comfortable with the idea and it made him happy to be a Dad again and to bring up a child with her. It would've completed their family. It looks as if this is what Ruby has been waiting to hear, she's needed to know exactly how her husband has been feeling, it seems this is the first time he's been completely open with her. I found this whole entire storyline so touching you know, upsetting as well as touching, dramatic. Performances from everyone involved have been incredible!

I kind of feel Stacey also as she's having to deal with the knowledge that she was there when Ruby fell, could she have done something more to help her? If they hadn't been arguing, she probably wouldn't have fell? All these questions would understandably going round and round in her head! As she stands on the Square with a bunch of flowers, she watches as Ruby and Martin return home from the hospital. Kush notices her and offers to go with her for support. As they enter their house, Ruby is pretty much stunned to see Stacey walking in with a bunch of flowers, I think she almost takes it as an insult. Stacey pleads for them to stop fighting and arguing, too much has no happened because of their horrendous arguments. But Ruby seems to have none of it, maybe she feels that there's too much water under the bridge for them ever to rekindle their friendship. Ruby then drops the false blow that Stacey was to blame for her miscarriage because she had pushed her down the stairs.

Now this is a false accusation, I don't how guys see this, but Stacey did not push her. Ruby followed Stacey up the stairs, but as Stacey turned, Ruby's ankle gave way and she fell. Stacey denies the allegation and pleads for Martin to understand that she'd never do something like that. But then Ruby takes it one step further by revealing to her husband that both Stacey and Kush locked her in the office and forced her to take a pregnancy test to prove to them that she was in fact pregnant. As awful and disgusting that was, Stacey tries to fight her corner, claiming that she was just looking out for her ex-husband. Ruby had been lying about so much and they feel they had good reason to check whether she was telling the truth or not.

As everyone continues to argue, poor Martin is just sat there as everything seems to sink in, the loss of his child, the accusation against Stacey and then revelation of how they treated Ruby. It all gets completely too much for him, causing him to completely explode. Telling them all to stop arguing, he exits the room and leaves the house, Kush following to console his best mate. But Martin appears to be absolutely furious, lashing out at Kush and punching him to the floor. Kush tells his friend to punch him again if it makes him feel any better, but he also reminds Martin that he knows exactly how he's currently feeling. Kush has been there! He's lost a child! I think some people do sometimes forget about that, it was one of the most tear-jerking moments I have ever seen on EastEnders, when Kush and Shabnam lost their son, Zaair.

The next scene between Martin and Kush is really loved, it was sad, moving and to be honest, it was nice having Kush remember holding his still-born son. Devastatingly, Martin never even got the opportunity to hold his new child, but I think this brief talk with Kush does help him in some way. Kush even asks him whether he's cried for his loss yet, but when Martin admits he hasn't, Kush informs him that that's where he needs to start. If Martin is worried about Ruby and trying to be there for her, he needs to make sure that he can also grieve himself before he can look after his wife. He voices that he's finding it hard to believe that Stacey would purposely push Ruby down the stairs just so she would lose their baby, I mean anyone would find it hard to believe that anyone would/could be that cruel! The final scene of the episode, Martin is sat on Arthur's bench in the Square, he looks to be in deep thoughts of the days events, but as Stacey approaches him, he realises that things between them can't be as they once were. He needs to be there for his wife, she is more important than anything right now and maybe the best thing for everyone would be if Martin and Ruby had nothing more to do with each other, he reassures her that they'll be civil for the children's sake, but the kiss they shared at Christmas was a huge mistake. He's been over her for a long time now and Ruby is his priority, as far as he's concerned, his relationship with Stacey is over, for good!

Overall a very emotional and dramatic set of episodes! I apologise for this post being so so late, I have to admit I've been a little distracted and had a few breaks during the day whilst I've been writing this, but I'm glad to have finished and have it up now! I'm looking forward to seeing where these different stories go, please feel free to leave me a comment or a message letting me know what you're think, I'd love to hear your thoughts! Thank you everyone! I love you all xXx

[bethsuglywigs]

1.08 Discussion Questions

Sorry to be late with there but I was hiking the Appalachian Trail. 

1. What was your favourite scene of the episode? Tell us why!

Probably Annie robbing the musical theatre couple for their parking ticket. Everything about that scene is just SO funny to me. Close second is the “our child speaks the language of the streets” (plus Ruby accidentally scaring herself straight). I just love Ruby and Stan and of course Sara was iconic for moving those fidget spinners (this scene exemplifies why I think they are by far the best parents on the show). 

2. Was there any scene that missed the mark for you? And if so, how?

I don’t like a couple scenes actually. Not to be controversial, but the cafe date scenes to hit right for me...Rio’s just a smidge too condensing for my tastes. Also I just don’t like Dean solving the botox issue (which imo isn’t really an issue because in reality someone like Darron would have been able to help them find a buyer - blackmarket cosmetic injectables is literally a multimillion dollar industry). 

3. This episode opens with Beth discovering that the money is gone – not just the fake cash that she’s washing for Rio, but the cut of what they’d already washed too. What do you think this tells us about Rio’s mentality and approach as an employer / boss?

I don’t think Rio treats his gang underlings the same way he treats Beth (both good and bad). I think Rio is probably loyal to his boys and they are loyal to him. But Beth isn’t in the gang. She ‘s a contractor. I actually think this is a pretty big mistake on Rio’s end. As we can see (especially in this episode), Beth starts off pretty loyal to Rio (fear/respect). I think if he had treated her with more mutual respect she would have been less resistant to him overall. 

Not to get too into it here, but one thing I think Rio fundamentally misunderstands about Beth is that he thinks she wants to be the boss period when I think Beth just wants to be the boss of herself. I truly don’t think Beth wants to be Rio, but I think Rio genuinely believes she does. To me, it seems more like Beth wants to have control over her own life (not that she doesn’t mind bossing other people around lol). All that to say that taking her cut was a mistake! 

4. This episode also features the start of a really pivotal arc for Ruby and Sara around crime, and Ruby’s worries about Sara somehow inheriting that part of her. Do you think Ruby was right to react the way she did in this episode? Was there a better way she could’ve handled it?

I think Ruby could be a little more self reflective when it comes to her involvement in crime. Obviously she feels deeply guilty about it (although sometimes it seems more like she feel guilty about lying to Stan/disappointing Stan), but she also is actively involved in planning and committing the crimes. I think if she were able to reconcile that fact that she feels she should feel guilty with the fact that she also doesn’t actually feel that guilty (for some of the crimes that is), then I think she would have an easier time dealing with Sara. 

I think her issue with Sara really is a projection. Kids steal stuff all the time. Ruby would have been able to see the more if she wasn’t so conflicted with herself. That being said, I don’t think it was necessarily wrong for her to come down harshly on Sara, but I do think she should have spent more time actually talking to Sara about why she stole.

5. What do you think this episode tells us about Annie and Nancy’s relationship prior to the series starting? Do you think Nancy feels threatened by Annie? Or vice versa? How do you think they’ve negotiated their respective places in Greg and Ben’s lives?

I think they probably feel mutually jealous of each other. To Annie, Nancy is wealthy and successful and can provide Ben with everything he needs (why Greg and Nancy don’t just provide Ben with stuff is a mystery to me like even if Annie has full custody Greg still has to pay for stuff for Ben - what is the child support situation???). And to Nancy, Annie is fun and unrestrained and real in a way she isn’t. 

I imagine their relationship has always been strained and I think their interactions have always ben a weird mix of banal small talk and thinly veiled digs. 

6. The spa heist! What did you think of it? Good? Bad? Tell us all your thoughts!

Good! I truly think the girls should commit robbery more. Although I do think Annie probably should have spent more time making sure Darron had a plan for moving the injectables.  

7. In a lot of ways, Annie’s ‘slow boil’ comment to Beth feels like it’s been a long time coming. When do you think Ruby and Annie realised that Beth got something beyond just financial fulfilment from crime? And do you think they know the full extent of it at this point in the episode? Hell, do you think they know the full extent of it in s3?

I don’t think Beth knows the full extend of it lol. I think Ruby and Annie have always known Beth was unfulfilled as a housewife. I imagine they’ve probably even commented on it before and Beth just brushed it off because she was unwilling to take a closer look at her own unhappiness. I don’t think the Ruby and Annie quite get that she is fulfilled by crime specifically. I think they see it as just something more interesting than her day-to-day.

8. Let’s talk about Beth’s sales pitch to / second date with Rio! Do you think it was a good pitch and Rio missed an opportunity? Do you think Rio was genuinely there to hear her out, or was he just entertaining her? And this is the first time he brings up the idea of her being a boss (via, well, her not being one yet). Do you think he sees her as that yet? Or if, again, he’s just entertaining her?

He was just entertaining her, but I do think he see her as the boss of her operation. And to a degree I think he respects her as a boss. I don’t think Rio could have really helped her here because he’s trying to lay low, but I also think he caused the problem in the first place by taking her cut. I truly believe if he just told her about the shutdown first and let her keep her cut, she wouldn’t have gotten him arrested. 

9. How do you think Annie felt about the news Nancy was trying to get pregnant? And do you think she would’ve broken up with Greg if Nancy wasn’t?

Devastated.

I do think Annie was really considering really getting back together with Greg. Before Nancy confessed this to her, I don’t think she really considered Nancy as a person with feelings and a real relationship with Greg. This news really forced her to see Nancy as Greg’s wife and not just some annoying woman that lives with him.  

10. Mary Pat has two pretty tight scenes in this episode where she has power plays with Ruby and then later Beth. What did you think of these scenes? And how do those exchanges compare with each other?

Mary Pat is an ICON. I loved both her scenes because they really show what she capable of. I think the girls should have brought MP into the fold and made her part of the operation for real. 

11. Ruby finds out about Eddie’s arrest! We talked a little about Eddie’s loyalty last week, but how do you think the arrest went down between Stan and Eddie?

I think Eddie was loyal. I think if he said anything it was lies or too vague. Based on how invested the FBI is in Rio and how vast his influence seems to be, I doubt Eddie would risk actually saying anything. That being said, Eddie seems to be low on the gang food chain considering Rio just dropped him off, unconscious and actively bleeding, at some random woman's house, so he might think news of his arrest wouldn’t been of significant interest to Rio.

[writingpuddle]

The foxes and Andrew reacting to Neil with a British accent?

Hey anon im p sure you sent me this like a million years agobut I found it again when going thru my asks yesterday so here goes myattempt at a bulletpoint fic:

Neil grew up in the states, sohis default accent is American, but he is ridiculouslygood at imitating. Like give him a ten second audio clip and he canextrapolate basically an entire dialect from it

The Foxes discover this aroundHalloween when watching a spooky movie and Neil goes into a perfect deadpanmockery of the Dracula character’s terrible Transylvanian accent

It becomes a thing

The Foxes will give him an accentand just set him loose

Neil is kind of surprised bytheir enthusiasm but also secretly very pleased to have found a way to amusehis Foxes

He likes making them happy so henever denies them

Except Kevin, but that is mostlybecause the team gets more amusement from watching Kevin get frustrated and trynot to show how annoyed he is over Neil being such a petty little asshole

Also they discover that if Neilputs on an Irish accent when Kevin isn’t paying attention he will absolutelyJUMP

Give him an order in an Irishaccent and he just instantly starts to follow through before he wakes up,blinking in disorientation as he realizes what he was doing

It’s funny at first, then theyrealize it’s because he associates the accent with his mother, and then itskind of sad, and then Kevin starts telling more stories about his mum and someof the few good memories he has of her, and then it gets funny again because Foxesare Foxes and they do love a good roast

Kevin complains outwardly but itsactually kind of cathartic to talk about his mother

He tells Andrew this inconfidence and Andrew just glares at him like no shit dude, you need fuckingtherapy

Anyways

That summer is going to be thesummer of the girls graduation

So they’re all determined to dosomething big to celebrate

And they get it in their heads todo a Eurotrip

Neil isn’t really payingattention at first because he’s more concerned about whether Andrew will bewilling to do a transatlantic flight

(Andrew is obviously going tocome. Flights suck, but there is no way he can cope with his whole family beingthat far away. He does not feel the need to explain this. It should beobvious.)

That’s when the Foxes pause, alldevious.

They’ve been plotting

“So, Neil,” Allison says. “At what point are you going to introduce usto your British uncle?”

Neil does not see where this isgoing

In fact he is largely baffled bythe suggestion.

“You realize my uncle is agangster, right? Like, literally a crime boss. Possibly the most dangerousperson in Britain.”

“Mm-hmmmmm.”

Neil is ???

“But he saved you Neil,” Nicky says emphatically. “We need to thank him.”

“Uh, kind of by accident, butyeah, technically.”

“You should call him. Just toask. You know, at least give the guy some warning that you’ll be in the area.”

Neil is still kinda confused butokay, fine.

Now here’s the thing

The Foxes have heard any numberof accents from Neil by this point

Including a magnificent Godfatherimitation

And probably half a dozendifferent British ones

But those were always for the laughs

He always picked a terribleaccent or would mock the living hell out of a posh one

Neil isn’t used to being thefunny one so he’s trying his best okay

And it’s fun and all but Neil can’tbe seductive to save his life

Even if you made him speak theFrench, the language of love itself,he’d just sound like he’s talking about the next game because he has zeroflirtability

Face it his and Andrew’sflirting sounds kind of like death threats to outsiders

They deserve each other

SO the Foxes convince Neil tocall up his uncle and they huddle around the phone

Only to be utterly disappointed

Neil talks with Stuart for all ofa minute and a half, just normal voice

He hangs up and tells them thatStuart will meet them in London in May and that they’re going to get him inshit with the FBI for this

The Foxes retreat, mutteringmutinously

Andrew is well aware of what’sgoing on, but it’s halfway amusing so he doesn’t say anything

As the months pass the Foxesbecome increasingly desperate in their attempts to make Neil say something sexy

They make him quote movies, TVshows, read out flirty text messages

One memorable time they even gethim to read out a page from Fifty Shades of Grey in a stuck-up British accent

They almost die laughing

It’s like a fucking superpower

Neil can say absolutely anythingand make it come across totally non-sexual

The Foxes have pretty much givenup by the time the summer trip comes around

Neil spends the plane ridepretending not to fuss over Andrew so by the time he arrives he’s totallyexhausted

And here is what he didn’texpect:

He is totally used to listeningto the local accents and then blending in naturally

It’s very disorienting beingamong the Foxes and their various Americanism, but hearing British accents allaround him

And his instincts are snarled upin knots

Plus he’s fucking tired

So he keeps slipping

First it happens when they passthrough customs, just a little lilt to his voice to put the officer at ease

But then it keeps happening

Stuart sends a couple cars topick them up and take them to this massive place he owns right in centralLondon

Being a crimeboss comes withcertain perks okay

Neil slips up again when he’stalking to the driver, his accent washing back and forth

Everyone else isn’t really payingattention because as excited as they are about Neil’s accent they’re in London and they’re all exhausted and fora lot of them it’s the first time they’ve been outside of the States, ever

Andrew notices

But he doesn’t say anything

They get to the apartment andfind a note there from Stuart saying he’ll pick them up tomorrow for a tour

Everyone splits off into theirrooms to sleep

Neil falls into bed exhausted, but sleep doesn’t come

And Andrew knows this but is tooexhausted himself from the stress of flying to deal with it right away

So he just wraps an arm aroundNeil’s stomach and holds him there as he drifts off

And it’s not enough for Neil toreally relax but it’s enough to make him feel grounded

The next morning Stuart shows upand everyone blinks at him bleary eyed and suspicious

But he’s charming and most ofthem find it kinda disarming

Which is how the Foxes end up takingwhat is probably the most expensive tour they’ve ever had (Allison excepted),lead entirely by a crime boss

Neil is lagging behind a bit buteveryone is so caught up in it that they don’t really notice

Except Andrew

That boy is always attuned to Neil

So he drops back with him andthey have a brief intense staring contest which ends in Neil looking away

They’re standing in Trafalgarsquare watching some street performers so no one is listening

Neil is obviously chewing onsomething and Andrew waits him out

He would wait forever

Finally, Neil just says, “I’vebeen here before.”

Which isn’t much but Andrew’smemory has never failed him before

I couldn’t live there again. I couldn’t retrace my steps to any ofthose places

Andrew knows what its like to feelsick at things that other people would love

So he nods and stands next toNeil the whole day

Not quite touching but closeenough that they can feel each others gravity

At the end of the day Stuart andNeil have a very cordial goodbye and then Stuart leaves them back at theapartment

Everyone is gushing about how charismatiche is and Neil doesn’t bother to correct them

His uncle has always been a bitof a snake-charmer but at least he knows he’ll never hurt his Foxes

They’ve still got a few days inLondon and Stuart’s secured them tickets to an underground dungeon tour thingthat usually has months worth of waiting list

Neil’s a little leery of goinginto a dark underground space, but with his Foxes there he’s sure he’ll beFine™

The team breaks out drinks aftersupper but Neil doesn’t have the energy

(Honestly according to thistimeline they’ve been in London for twenty-four hours they should be jet-laggedto hell and back, but w/e)

So he retires to their room andAndrew follows him like he always will

He sits next to Neil on the bedand waits

God there’s so much fuckingpointed silence between these two dear lord guys learn to communicate

Eventually Neil sighs. “I thoughtit would be okay. With all of them here.”

Andrew mulls that over

He doesn’t know how to admit thatit bothers him too. Seeing Neil reverting back to old habits, trying to blendin like its second nature

But he knows Neil is here to stayso he just slips a hand around the back of Neil’s neck and tugs him in untiltheir foreheads touch, breathing in the same air

Gradually the tension eases outof Neil

“We can go home,” Andrew says

“No,” Neil says. “I want to stay.I want to learn how to…do all of this, as Neil.”

Andrew squeezes the back of hisneck one more time. “Okay.”

It’s a silent promise, one he’sbeen keeping for over a year now: that any time Neil drifts too far, Andrewwill keep him anchored.

Neil knows it and he can’t helpbut smile a little, watching Andrew’s hazel eyes disappear into the shadowbetween their faces.

“Yes or no?” he asks

Andrew draws back a little

“You’ve been dissociating allday.”

“I’m here now.”

Andrew scowls and let’s go ofhim, standing up to go dig out his pajamas from his luggage

Neil flops down on the bed andadmires the view while Andrew changes

(That’s a nice thing. Andrewbeing comfortable enough to change in front of him. Sure, he’s always partiallychanged out in the locker room, but in private it’s different. It’s more. And Andrew is willing to give thatto Neil.)

(It’s very nice.)

“Staring,” Andrew grunts

“Can you blame me?”

“Yes.”

Neil sits up again and tugs onthe front of Andrew’s shirt until he gives in and steps up close, betweenNeil’s legs

His hands go to Neil’s sideswithout conscious decision

“Nicky wants the genuine Europeexperience,” Neil murmurs, toying with Andrew’s hem. He still hasn’t been givenpermission to touch, so he doesn’t. “We’re going to be staying in hostels.Might be the last time we have a room to ourselves.”

Andrew bites down on a thousandimpulses, reflexes to shut Neil down, cuthim out

Instead he just kisses Neil, goodand slow, a reassurance that they’re there,they’re real, and that this isn’t going away

“Andrew—”

“Yes,” he says, and pushes Neilback onto the bed.

You know what happens next

They love each other deeply andprofoundly and all that but they also like each other’s butts ya know

So afterwards they get cleaned upand curl back up in bed to sleep

Andrew climbs over Neil andnearly knees him in the balls and Neil’s laughing a little and Andrew scowls inannoyance as Neil scoots closer

And with the most obnoxious chav accent that’s ever been heard says, “Any chance a bloke could get a bit of a snog before bed?”

It is quite possibly the worstthing Neil has ever said and Andrew does not hesitate in slapping a pillow overhis face to try and smother him

Neil is laughing his ass off andit devolves into some pretty stupid wrestling before Andrew gets Neil pinneddown, straddling his hips

“Bloody wanker,” Neil says, unable to contain his grin

“Shut the fuck up,” Andrew says,and kisses him so that he does.