#this might just be ptsd

[tabbyrocks]

minor manga spoilers yahoo

A funny little idea for post war monoma is that like he just,,, forgets to blink due to using erasure for so long. it happens a lot when he's really focused or stressed out, and people have to remind him to blink occasionally.

also, he holds eye contact for waaaaayyyy too long. like it freaks people out.

[gros-chat-fait]

Just six normal teens hanging out in the woods. --

100th post and final drawing of the year. Happy holidays and new year, everyone <3!

[loudlittleecho]

Danny Phantom Prompt: Too Late to Save Them

Ok! There are similar concepts floating either around here or AO3 (or both), but I haven’t been able to find this particular angst path. (Though I’m sure it’s around)

So!

Canon Divergence After TUE (The Ultimate Enemy)

Danny fought his evil self, but was too late to save his family. Clockwork didn’t reverse time to save them— they were always meant to die. It was their “time.”

-------------

“NO!” 

Danny was flown backward from the explosion, his body hurtling along with the rubble. 

The rubble. 

When the dust settled he heard sirens in the distance. Saw. . . a torn red beret beside his foot.

Tucker. 

Sam. 

His. . . 

Family. 

Distraught, confused, exhausted, Danny notices a woman crouched down beside him. She’s speaking to him, but he can’t hear her; there’s a dull buzz all around him, and the world seems more. . . narrow. It’s hard for him to focus on what he’s seeing. 

And then she. . . freezes. 

The world freezes in time. 

The ghost, Clockwork, is floating behind her. He has his hand out, waiting for something. His expression unreadable, but Danny understands. 

His fingers lightly grasp the thermos holding his future self. As though in a trance, he lifts it up to Clockwork. Gives him the thermos. 

Clockwork accepts it, continues looking at him impassively. 

Resumes time. 

. . . 

The days go by. He is released from the hospital in the care of a caseworker. She is talking to him gently, but he doesn’t hear what she’s saying. 

He's had many people talk to him, so many people gazing at him with pity. He can't be bothered to care.

He is led to a car, someone buckles him in. The car begins driving, and soon is parked in front of Fenton Works.

His home. 

The caseworker is saying something. . . Something about his aunt Alicia. He ignores her, walking into the house. 

Into the lab. 

He hears her scurrying after him.

Ignoring her cries of alarm, he goes into the portal. 

… 

He floats in the ghost zone. A few ghosts attempt to banter with him, push him around; but noticing his non reaction, leave him be. 

He can’t go home. Can’t go to Vlad. He has to keep his humanity to prevent becoming a monster. 

But how can he keep what he can’t feel?

He’s lost them all.

But he can keep his promise. 

“Don't worry. I won't turn into that. Ever. I promise.”

He floats further and further into the ghost zone. 

[kittykatninja321]

Jason: so yeah I’m on mood stabilizers now

Tim: for the pit madness?

Jason: 🤨 no it’s cause I’m bipolar. What the fuck is pit madness?

[thedreadvampy]

sometimes I forget that my experience has been. um. not 'your experiences are not universal' vibes but more like 'your experiences are EXTREMELY atypical'

[sparkles-rule-4eva]

Soo, how about that first episode of Sonic Prime S2, eh, guys? How we feeling?

Quick analysis. Sonic has trauma from this whole ordeal, guys. He was showing clear signs of PTSD this ep. Maybe it was obvious, but I'm gonna rant a lil about it, anyway.

It started when Shadow clarified to him, sharply, that their old reality no longer existed. You could hear in his voice that he was on the verge of tears. And just LOOK at him. 😭

And when Shadow took him to the ghost version of Green Hill? When he was talking to who he thought were his friends, only to slowly realize they were nothing more than ghosts of his real friends as they repeated their phrases over and over again? His expression, the way he shook his head ever so slightly, the way he backed up, had to sit down, was actually SHAKING?

Shadow brought him to the cave in the mountain, where the INCIDENT happened. One symptom of PTSD is avoidance of places or people that remind one of a traumatic event. Sonic's face when he realizes where he is?

His ears go up in alarm and his eyes go wide. And then he just stands there, frozen. Shadow has to say his name to get him to start moving. And even when he does?

The way he has one arm up, that's a very defensive stance, often a signal of fear. And he walks, so slowly, like in a trance, into the cave. He stares at the ghostly remains of the Paradox Prism, starts getting flashbacks all over again, all with this look of dazed terror in his eyes.

It hurt my heart to see. 🥺😭

[buckleydiazmp4]

not to get all "actually☝️" about it but. the whole point of this is the fact that it isn't at all eddie's fault and buck just doesn't know how to properly process or recognize his feelings and know what he's missing *until* he gets presented with a specific situation. in truth buck has no right to be mad at eddie for building bonds with other ppl and it's why he has to do some introspection. this is not a "oh no poor buck eddie apologize to him!!!" thing, it's about buck getting, for lack of a better term, a good emotional humbling. eddie deserves good friendships and relationships, full stop. and if he likes the way he feels when he hangs out with tommy then great!! he's his own person and not a tool to further buck's character. but you also can't expect buck to immediately recognize that because, again, and for the millionth time, the whole POINT is that he doesn't. so if it has to get ugly and uncomfortable and embarrassing for him to do so then that is what will happen and that doesn't make either of them bad people. this is not a blame to be passing around. it's just them being human beings

[endersdead]

this one is for the people who weren’t rebellious through their trauma. for those of us who were passive, who survived by sinking into ourselves, going numb and flying under the radar. for those of us who were incapable of or too scared to stand up for ourselves. it wasn’t your job to bite back. you aren’t weak, you aren’t complicit, you aren’t invisible. i see you and your strength. the fact that you’re here reading this post means you’re brave, you’re a survivor. if you made it out i’m so proud of you, its finally time to be who you are! soak that in every day. if you’re still in it, take a second to breathe and remember that you matter, you’re a whole amazing person and you will someday be free to be fully yourself. we all make it through our trauma in different ways, what matters is that you survive. so keep surviving, and remember there are people who understand and see your struggle.

[sometimes-she-becomes-it]

Ok so y'all know about that one theory that since hal is a splinter of dirk and Hal is part of Lord English, that Ult!dirk has lord english+doc scratch+lil cal rattling around in his head at all times right?

This is probably a very, very cursed thought. But imagine dirk having reached ultimate self, currently having a *VERY FUCKING HORNY* lord English in his brain, specifically a Lord English deadset on tearing calliope apart with his bare hands and his bare cock too, if possible. To the point the desire to kill her hurt her FUCK HER is basically the only thing in his mind. A boiling pot that will explode unless the lid is taken off.

Imagine that Dirk messaging Callie, asking her to meet up at some remote location. Only the two of them, alone. It's been so long since they last talked, hasn't it? Imagine Callie accepting. Dirk is her friend, after all!

Imagine that the meeting starts out well. Callie talks to Dirk about her latest projects, while he hums and makes the right noises when he needs to. Sure, sometimes he throws a comment that is just too *mean* or a backhanded compliment, but Callie chooses not to say anything as to not sour the friendly encounter.

Imagine at some point calliope starts finding it just so hard to move. It slowly takes more and more effort to use her limbs. She feels weird- her head is just so foggy, so hard to sting thoughts together, it's no surprise it takes her a while to notice that some of the sweets dirk brought taste... different than they're supposed to. She tries to ask Dirk about it but can't put the words together and-

Things get weird after that.

One moment Dirk's sitting in front of her, acting concerned. The next, she's laying on her back, on the floor, dirk on top of her. Her hands are restrained- not that he needs to, but those claws can do a lot of damage, even trimmed as they are. Callie whines confusedly. What's going on? Isn't dirk supposed to be gay? Why does she feel so strange? Why is he oh god is he unzipping his pants?

Callie has read enough fanfiction to know what that means but not- not like *this*.

But she can't do anything to stop it, can she?

Cherubs mate by turning into snakes, but that's more or less a voluntary process. It is perfectly possible for a cherub to have human-style sex without turning into a giant snake. There are ways for cherubs to feel sexual pleasure. Caliborn knows this.

And now, Dirk knows it too.

It's in between these moments of confusion and pain for calliope that she hears dirk say something, it doesn't matter what exactly. But the phrasing and the cadence of it are just *so familiar*, Callie for just a moment understands what's happening, understands just *who* is behind Dirk's actions (as much as it can be said that there's anyone behind his actions ig) and that's what it takes for her to start trembling, start squirming around, crying begging- begging caliborn, begging lord english, begging dirk, anyone, it doesn't matter who, to "jUst stop please please stop, please aren't we sUpposed to be friends? Why are yoU doing this to me? Please don't do this please stop please please please please"

It takes many, many rounds before Dirk/caliborn is done with her.

(if you want to focus on the emotional aftermath too (which, I do!) then I see 3 options:

1. Calliope rationalizes her way around what happened. It was a dream, just a nightmare, nothing more. Nevermind the fact that cherubs don't sleep. Or dream. No, nevermind that. There's a first time for everything. She was just dreaming, she made it all up. There's no reason for her to squirm uncomfortably whenever dirk is brought up. There's no need to shake whenever she's all alone in some secluded place, there's no reason to be wary around any sweets she did not make herself. It was just a dream. It was just a dream.

Right?

2. Calliope acknowledges that it is real but has no idea how to go forwards about it. She can't tell anyone. She won't. She refuses. What if she breaks what little is left of her friend group? Roxy would be devastated. Would they even believe her? What if they don't believe her and they leave her behind? She doesn't want to be lonely anymore. She'd rather die. If she has to choose between keeping the secret and ending up lonely and friendless? She'll keep the secret. Forever.

3. Less emotional aftermath but..... Imagine Callie, waking up after all that, without a single memory, of it, just waking up and her hips ache and her limbs are weak. She's laying down in some bed, Dirk sitting in a chair beside the bed, calmly reading. He asks her how she's feeling, and she knows behind his glasses that he is concerned. She says she feels fine but asks what happened. Dirk says she must have been feeling sick, because not long after they started hanging out she passed out- she hit the ground hard, hence her hips hurt. Callie nods, slightly confused because she didn't feel sick when she left her house, but assumes it must have just set in quickly or something. She thanks dirk for taking care of her and laments the fact that their hangout ended early. Dirk just smiles and says that they can always hang out again some other day, just the two of them. Callie agrees enthusiastically with the idea. The implication here is that this situation, all of it, is going to repeat itself again. Possibly many times over, before Callie realizes.

4. Last one bc I don't have that much for this one: Callie acknowledges it is real, and tries to confront dirk about it, but he threatens her, says that if she says anything, he'll kill her. Then he switches to saying if she tells anyone he'll just find them and do it to them instead. She wouldn't be so selfish as to do that, would she?

Calliope can't in good conscience risk that. She won't. So in exchange for being dirk/caliborn's only victim, she'll stay quiet and agree to go to their place whenever they want to, so he can use her for his own pleasure whenever he wants.

(she gets very good at compartmentalizing in this one.)

[naamahdarling]

The nice thing about being an adult is that you can make your own appointments and schedule them for any time you want.

The bad part about being an adult is that you are able to cancel your appointments just because you don't want to go, which gets you off the hook in the short term but is only making more trouble for future you.

I think I deserve a lot of credit for the fact that I discovered I can cancel my doctor's appointment online, and yet I did not do this.

[caligvlasaqvarivm]

wanna ask how you feel about the eridan bpd headcanon/theory(?? not sure what to call it!) you're so good at your character analysis and i'd love to see your outlook on it

Since I don't have a degree or any formal training in psychology, I feel deeply uncomfortable diagnosing characters. I've made an autism joke before but only because I'm on the spectrum. He's definitely traumatized and anxious, but I mean those as descriptors of his behavior rather than capital-D Diagnoses. I try to focus on those when I can - the cause and effect of cognition, self-image, and behavior - and those factors may very well match up with DSM criteria, but I try not to touch an actual diagnosis with a ten foot pole unless the author has explicitly stated that X character has Y condition.

[20001541]

it's so disappointing that we didn't get more of tomura and afo interacting after that huge revelation about afo being involved in his life from the very beginning. he had his dad giggling and kicking his feet. he even encouraged him to have another child. tomura thought afo finding him that day on the street was a coincidence, but it wasn't. none of it was, he was even given the quirk that killed his family then told he wanted every single one of his family members to die and that was born twisted for years after. he even thanked afo for making him for who he is today in previous chapters!

I wanted there to be an actual encounter between them where he is distraught that the man who he thought was his savior has been planning his downfall since before he was even born. I wanted more of afo telling him to his face how he has meant nothing to him and his usefulness begins and ends at him being a possible vessel for himself, and how he's never had any control over his life. then have tenko argue back against his words. to finally stand up to everything afo has tried to ingrain in him. to cast aside the name of tomura shigaraki which was the name he gave him and tell afo how he doesn't need him anymore. that he finally sees him for the pathetic man he truly is. I want to see afo's reaction to losing control over him permanently. izuku would also be helping him through this encounter as well, might write a fic about it tbh.

oh well best I can hope for now is tenko discussing his feelings about what was revealed in 419, that is if he survives. I have a feeling something will happen that will bring him back in some way based on how only the name tomura shigaraki was said but not tenko which is an important distinction to make. a tomura dies, tenko lives situation if you will.

[starsifter]

What if Ford couldn't be hugged after he was chained up by Bill? What if Mabel or Dipper grabbed him by the wrist, trying to catch his attention, and he froze, seized with emotion bubbling up in his throat, what if he couldn't breath? What if he couldn't wear turtlenecks anymore?

Do you think sometimes he slipped his shirt off because he couldn't stand to feel something so close to his neck?

What if he avoided sleeping because he didn't like what was in his dreams?

Idk. I think about that old man an unhealthy amount.

[sleepyhighslvt]

..

[thedreadvampy]

vaguing a post that's on my dash that I don't want to engage with (as usual) but actually no CPTSD isn't a diagnosis for 'when things were a tiny bit bad a lot' or 'if you experienced relationships that were toxic but not abusive' it's a diagnosis describing the impacts of CONTINUOUS TRAUMA. not less significant but more frequent trauma; trauma which is ongoing/continuous/recurring in developmental years.

like I'm not trying to gatekeep here and I recognise the value of saying 'it doesn't have to be a Single Big Obvious Trauma' because one key thing about CPTSD is that generally it makes traumatic incidents Your Normal so you don't necessarily view them as unusual or concerning. but I often see people talk about CPTSD as if it implies smaller individual incidents than PTSD and that just is not the case.

most experiences I have seen people be diagnosed with CPTSD for (myself included) are not 'a little bit toxic'. they are things which, each incident taken separately, an outsider would still recognise as traumatic - medical emergencies, rape and sexual abuse, significant physical violence, emotional abuse and coercive control, homelessness, severe poverty, war, torture, etc - and the thing that makes the PTSD C is not the relative level of the trauma, but the fact that it's enough of a repeated and consistent pattern, at an early enough stage, and sufficiently embedded in everyday life, that it becomes a person's baseline for 'normal'.

CPTSD is not a synonym for emotional microtraumas or cumulative trauma or 'death by a thousand cuts'. It's specifically defining the psychological differences in response to long term formative trauma as opposed to traumatic events which you process as an aberration (eg the difference between regular violence against you from trusted adults in childhood vs being physically abused for the first time in adulthood with existing experience of healthy relationships). Traumas causing CPTSD tend to be pretty similar in type, scale and severity to traumas causing standard PTSD - they are just more embedded and normalised earlier in life.

all this to say there's nothing wrong with acknowledging that cumulative microtraumas can't affect us in traumatic ways. there's nothing wrong with pointing out that there's a broad range of types of trauma, and trauma can include stuff like growing up marginalised or ill as well as abuse, war, injury or immediate loss. there's nothing wrong, too, with acknowledging that a lot that is traumatic doesn't necessarily feel traumatic to you.

but like. no. CPTSD is not a diagnosis for people whose trauma wasn't 'big enough' for PTSD. CPTSD is not cumulative microtraumas. CPTSD is a response to formative macrotraumas or to a long term traumatic situation without hope of escape or change and if you want to talk about microtraumas then do that but it's not what CPTSD is!

[joycrispy]

I have (very minor) surgery tomorrow to repair the last (I hope) of the physical side-effects of 2022. Which means a significant source of chronic pain will be gone, and also, that's one more thing about it all that I never have to think about again.

Good riddance.