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yostresswritinggirl · 3 years

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@butterfly-mochi Rewrote this freaking thing thrice because it keeps getting deleted wth tumblr agjvahkfajkvk- I enjoyed writing it a lot tho and since I’m too weak to the characters I ended up writing for all of them (except for Sucrose, im sorry bb huhu, I ran out of brain power). This is my first time writing for so many of them in one go so please excuse me for any mistakes or blandness ywy thank you for letting me write for my baby Ganyu too hhhhh

Universe Reversal 2

Genshin Impact Character Reader and Modern Players with Zhongli, Childe & Ganyu (how they simp for you) (event masterlist / Part 1 / Part 3)

Zhongli the F2P

The most relatable out of the bunch because this man is still broke and can only rely on the primogems he can farm. And he had a LOT. The one thing he doesn’t have a lot on, however, is his luck.

So how did he manage to pull you?: Well after exhausting all his primogem on your banner with nothing but weapons and other characters, he has lost his resolve. But by some weird luck, there was a character bug that was fixed and in his email was the almighty consolation primogem. Enough for ONE pull. And by the Gods he FINALLY got you.

He’d nonchalantly post his screenshot of pulling you using a single acquaint fate in his friend group without any words and everyone else just loses their shit. “You got them in one pull?!” “Yeah” A riot.

This was partnered with the fact that not only is Zhongli an F2P player, but also barely has any five star characters.

He looks calm and apathetic over the news, but behind the screen he’s exhausted and relieved, silently livid.

He has no primogems left to squeeze for a constellation so you’re instead pampered with the best weapon suitable for you (because that’s all he keeps getting).

Zhongles spends most of his time farming for materials to quickly level you up, unlocking all your stories and voiceline, but he fucked up on your build (his artifacts are messy).

He follows communities, forums and videos regarding your character to know all the things he needs to perfect your build. You can barely make a dent against normal mobs, so he knew he was doing something VERY wrong.

Is the type of person to keep refreshing the page for new content, very updated.

Ask him a question about your character and he’s gonna bring you the word vomit that is his research. He’s not gonna stop- probably accidentally developed a copypasta for you.

Also follows your VA in both Tiktok and Twitter to indulge in every bit of content. He also has that screenshot of his pull saved and locked.

On his birthday, a friend of his gifted him a chibi plushie of you and he has treasured it ever since, treating and handling it like its a figurine.

“It is merely pure luck and grace from the gacha gods that I got this character, and I will make sure that they know I am very grateful for this fortune.”

Favorite Voiceline: Birthday Message

Childe The Whaler

This lucky wealthy bastard with no remorse for his money whales for EVERY character. He’s making a collection, which is to get all the characters, especially the five stars. So when your banner finally popped up, he’s gonna square up and trigger a whole ass meteor shower.

How he pulled you: Money. His luck with this games are actually not the best so he always compensates with money, he got you halfway through the first failed pity, almost giving him a heart attack that he might actually break the bank just to get you.

And then he pulls more to raise your constellation lol.

The first thing he does is look over your character info and read through it all; constellation infos, your base stats, artifact compatibility.

At the end when he’s maximized everything, he would then focus on playing around with your character *coughs climbing noises coughs*

He thought you’d just be another part of his collection but playing with your character was very enjoyable and in-line with his playstyle- oops 100 screenshots with the Kamera-

Any and all merchandise that he fancies would be his, and he’s definitely flexing it to the other sweetie nerds who call themselves simps. He’s fighting for the simping title, and he’s currently neck and neck with this fanartist in Pixiv.

Speaking of that fanartist, he definitely commissioned an expensive and detailed portrait of you, full rights and everything. No one else was allowed to use it but him.

Was also the first one with the audacity to call out your VA to create an account on Tiktok to create more content with your voice. He was successful.

His obssession also comes in the form of self-indulgent contents, and had been keeping track of the ship wars happening. During conventions, he cosplays as the character shipped with you the most (or the character he thinks should end up with you).

Silently scrutinizing those who cosplay you, only ever taking pictures with/of the best looking one, sorry haha

Definitely flaunts that you are his waifu/husbando and will fight for best girl/best boy during debates or polls. Has mobilized the community to vote for you once. He’s very persuasive.

“Hm? Why I’m just the best collector in the game, and I am more than happy to let everyone know that I am their number one fan haha, everyone who claims otherwise is definitely wrong!”

Favorite Voiceline: More About (Y/N) I-IV, (Y/N)’s Hobbies...

Ganyu the Employed

Ganyu, our dearest overworker, is one of the players in the older stage who actually has a job but still plays Genshin for their past times. The gorgeous sceneries and the music is her main focus in playing the game, not much of a try-hard but still decent in the combat mechanics.

How she pulled you: You came home within 50 pulls! And you appeared again after another 10 pull! Ganyu was so SHOOKT and so distressed because oh goodness, what does she do? She doesn’t know anything much about you!

Will rewatch your three trailers to try and understand your skills better, ended up saving the soundtracks from them because that was such a nice trailer music! Tnbee gains a new follower!

Ganyu will take a while before she can properly play or build you up because she’s so busy with work, she only ever plays when she feels fully done with her work.

During her break she plays with your character while multi-tasking on eating, earphones plugged in and sight on the phone as she farms materials and artifacts for you.

The moment she gets more help from her player friends tho, holy shit, you just ended up being so OP. She had so many good artifacts and weapons for you because she didn’t know what they were for before.

She loves how you’re so easy to use and can easily solo the enemies and even the boss fights. A huge breather, because now Ganyu can cheese the battles that takes a while, to give her more time to focus on the storyline and lores.

Since Ganyu plays for the story and aesthetic, she’ll find you almost always in her team. Still very proud of her pull, she makes the best screenshots of your fights or in the best angle through exploration.

Treasures you so much she starts talking to her phone- “Ah, no, please don’t fall.” “There’s violetgrass up there, let’s try and get it”

Blushes everytime you produce a sound when climbing, doesn’t change you anyways tho

Hums to your trailer music while working, and if permitted, would have the song on repeat while she buries herself in work. She finds it really refreshing and the time she spends in work miraculously flies by fast when she gets lost in the sound.

At one point, when she was given a day-off or if the convention was on her free time, she attends to look for cosplayers of you and take a picture. No one rejects her because she’s so adorable and cute when asking shyly.

Had brought a decent amount of merchandise, preferably the functional/practical ones like a phone cover, mug or keychain. Also has an earphones clamp with your little chibi self as the holder.

When asked, she would shyly announce that she likes your character the most.

“Their character theme and music really soothes me during work, it feels nice to have them, and I have not once regretted ever pulling for them. They are the best.”

Favorite Voicelines: Good Night/Afternoon..., About Us, Something To Share..., Interesting Things...

so enjoyable...

@moaa @zelos-simp @legionqueensav @dandelion-dreams @snackgod @rxsalinee

#genshin impact x reader #genshin impact #zhongli x reader #childe x reader #ganyu x reader #genshin impact zhongli #genshin impact childe #genshin impact ganyu #exile.circlet #exile.flower #sojourner specials #reeeeeeeeee #gender neutral

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monstersandmaw · 4 years

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Sleep paralysis demon/nightmare x reader (nsfw)

Edit which I’m including in all my works after plagiarism and theft has taken place: I do not give my consent for my works to be used, copied, published, or posted anywhere. They are copyrighted and belong to me.

This was begun on a Twitch writing stream, with lots of input from the chat, and while I did say I would post it straight to Tumblr, I ended up adding another 3k words to it, and a tiny bit of plot, so I figured I'd put it up on Patreon first. Since Patreon supporters voted so highly for a ‘nightmare’ on the 'next monsters' poll (thank you!), I thought it should go up there first too.

Our reader has been experiencing anxiety and insomnia lately, and this draws something to us... There's a bit at the start that's got creepy vibes to it, but the creature means us no harm. Because of the sleep paralysis element, I'm going to say watch out for non-con vibes, but nothing really happens without our consent first time round. Just putting it here in case that's a major issue for anyone.

Ft. dapper mothman landlord Reggie, and gnoll best friend too.

“You’re living where now?” Francis practically barked into his whisky as you sat together after work. The gnoll’s enormous, dish-like ears flicked forwards, dark and fuzzy and full of concern. “Seriously, you do know how shitty that part of town is, right?”

“It’s not that bad,” you growled, taking a sip of your own drink and leaning back into the soft leather back of the chair. You stifled a yawn and blinked, the exhaustion of a week’s worth of broken sleep catching up to you in one brutal rush.

Francis flicked an ear and levelled you with a flat look, dark eyes serious for once. “You’re kidding…?”

“Ok, fine, it’s not amazing, but it’s really not the worst bit of town. Anyway, it’s all I can afford right now until I find a new job.” That seemed to shut him up on the subject, at least for now. He couldn't argue with your dwindling bank balance after all.

“When’s your first interview?” he asked, raising the whisky to his lips and sipping it with surprising elegance for someone with such big hands and such a powerful jaw.

Taking a deep breath, you forced the nerves down and muttered, “Monday. I’m not prepared, but at least it’s something.” You tried not to think about the inbox full of rejection letters which, in a mere two sentences and with surgical succinctness, told you that they were not hiring, nor looking to hire, nor to take on any new staff just at the moment. Thank you for your interest.

It wasn’t interest; it was sheer bloody desperation.

“You’re not going to be at all prepared if you get mugged to death on your way home tonight,” Francis grumbled.

“It’ll be fine.”

He looked at you again and took another final drink of his whisky, long tongue lapping out the remaining dregs before he set it down with a clonk on the circle-stained table. “Please text me when you get there?”

With a solemn promise to do just that, you stood and he followed you outside into the cool evening. A scuffle of dry leaves drew your attention to your right, and the fleeting shadow of a cat projected huge along a brick wall made the hairs on the back of your neck stand up. Francis’ concern had got you jumping at the smallest things, and as you separated from him with a warm hug and the reiterated promise that you’d be fine, you gritted your teeth and told yourself in no uncertain terms not to flinch at the slightest sound.

To be honest, the neighbourhood honestly wasn’t that bad. There had been a few break-ins, and the police had conducted a drug raid a few streets over last month, but other than that, it was mostly just… tired. Perhaps it would be the subject of the city council’s next ‘rejuvenation’ scheme, and some commerce and life could finally be injected back into this wallowing, languishing, crumbling part of town. Still, the mothman who had let you rent one of the apartments in his old, converted town house had been very pleasant when you’d met to discuss rent, and that had gone a long way towards heartening you. Without his offer, you might not have had anywhere at all.

You tried to keep that fact in mind as you passed by the closed grocery store, the lights inside low, the neon sign flickering and drawing moths to it like supplicants to a shrine. For a moment, you caught the rapid drumbeat of footsteps behind you and tensed. In under a minute, they disappeared down a side street, and you let out a shaky breath. “Get a grip,” you breathed, reaching into one pocket for your keys all the same.

After fifteen minutes of striding at a quicker pace than was cardiovascularly comfortable, the old, slightly shabby, turn-of-the-last-century building loomed out of the gathering night. At the pedestal-base of the antique, cast-iron street lamp, a narrow pool of golden light shimmered and flickered intermittently, illuminating cracks in the pavement that seemed larger and more treacherous than they had in full daylight. Your imagination conjured black, coiling shadows creeping up from those dark cracks in the earth like smoke on a stage set, and as you paused a moment beneath it to sort your keys out, a breath of wind stippled goosebumps across the nape of your neck.

Glancing once over your shoulder, half expecting to discover someone standing silently at your back, you found nothing at all out of place, swallowed, and scuttled up the uneven garden path to the main door of the converted apartments.

No sooner had you put the key in the lock than the door rattled and swung open from the other side. Reeling away in surprise, you stumbled half a pace backwards and gasped as your eyes registered nothing but blackness inside the hallway beyond. From within the swath of darkness, two points of crimson glowed, then tilted slightly to the side, and you would have shrieked, had the entity inside not murmured your name at that exact instant in his deep baritone.

“Reginald!” you practically whimpered in relief, body going slack as you encouraged your heart rate back to normal with steadying breaths, and then huffed an embarrassed laugh. “You scared me… sorry. I’m just super jumpy this evening.”

“No, no,” the mothman purred, stepping delicately out onto the path and holding the door open for you with his lower right arm. His black fur rippled and shimmered in the soft night breezes and he buzzed his wings once. The fur around his nose was beginning to turn silver, and on his hands and around his antennae too. “I apologise. I felt you coming and I should have announced myself. How are you settling in?”

“Fine,” you croaked, equilibrium mostly recovered. The cool night wafted across your clammy skin and calmed your racing heart while you stood there making polite conversation with him until you yawned conspicuously.

“Thank you for indulging an old moth, but I shan’t keep you up any longer. You look as though you could use some sleep,” he said, inclining his head in an old-fashioned bow, antennae dipping too and making you think of a gentleman dipping his hat at you. As you headed inside, fumbling on the wall for the light switch, you heard the distant buzz of his wings, and closed the door with a soft click as Reginald took off into the night.

The decor of the main areas of the building left a bit to be desired, with the odd peeling corner and scuff on the antique dado rail, but it was clean, which had set it well apart in the list of other apartments you'd scouted in the last month or so, and as you traipsed up the stairs to your first floor flat, the boards creaked raucously beneath your feet. No one was sneaking in or out of here without making a huge racket, and that thought provided a little comfort.

The interview on Monday loomed in your mind, ticking your resting heart rate up higher than normal, but after you went through the motions before bed with a strange sense of detachment, you let the weariness building behind the anxiety creep over your limbs and draw your eyelids down. Reginald hadn’t been wrong when he’d remarked on your appearance; it had been a while since you’d slept really well. So, it was with a familiar sense of dread that you let your mind slide away into unconsciousness, praying that the nightmares that had plagued your sleeping mind would stay away that night.

With a jolt, your eyes flew open to find the room dark, the street lamp outside extinguished, and a familiar sense of crushing dread weighing on your chest. Lying there, motionless, you breathed slowly, trying to figure out what had woken you so suddenly. Nothing stirred, and as you strained your ears, you caught no whisper of autumn leaves in the reaching branches of the walnut tree outside.

No sooner had you closed your eyes again, hoping to slide back into dreamless sleep, something touched your hair with a spider-light touch and you tried to scream and flail. Finding yourself utterly unable to move, you could only lie there as adrenaline flooded your whole body, your throat went dry, your tongue stuck to the roof of your mouth, and the sensation returned, stronger now.

Pinprick sharp claws - like a cat’s but much, much larger - raked through your hair, softly stroking your scalp, and you felt a silent scream tear itself from your chest. Something was there in the dark with you and you couldn’t move a muscle.

A shadow in the blackness of the room, a darker blur than the rest of the inky room, shifted along your bed from behind you in a coiling tendril, unfurling across the sheets and over your body like the root of a plant or the limb of an octopus, and your blood began to hammer in your ears. All you could do was lie there and gasp for breath.

Claws, long and glistening and dripping with darkness, scraped almost gently down your temple and as the entity moved into your limited field of vision, you felt another soundless yell rip itself from you. An involuntary trembling began in your limbs as a dark, black, skull-like face loomed over you, a wide maw stretching open to reveal rows of needle-sharp teeth.

You were going to die. If this was a nightmare, you’d probably be found a few days later, dead of a heart attack, and if it were real… gods above - the thought of being mugged was abruptly shunted to the bottom of your list of things to fear in this neighbourhood. The last thing you’d said to Francis was ‘I’ll be fine.’

The creature opened its mouth wider and wider as if trying to draw out your soul from your body, teeth glistening, breath completely silent, leaning in close to your face. It looked veiled, somehow, as if a wet, gauzy material had been draped over a skeletal form, which then stuck to the emaciated body beneath. With a jolt, you realised it looked like a shrouded corpse, wrapped in black fabric. The ragged shreds of material that floated eerily, slowly, as if the creature were underwater and the wisps were nothing more than kelp, and the tips constantly dissolved into fine smoke that curled lazily around the figure.

Was this Death itself?

Please… you begged silently. Please… I don’t want to die.

To your surprise, the creature tilted its terrifying head to one side in a motion that reminded you of a cat; as though it was curious.

Oh please don’t be something that toys with your prey first…

Fractionally, the entity drew back a fraction, though its four-inch long, sickle-claws remained at the side of your face. As you stared at it, wide eyed and sweating with fear, you got the fleeting impression of an emaciated torso and two equally skeletal arms beneath the floating veil.

In a moment of oddly detached clarity, you wondered if it could understand you.

It nodded.

The fuck?

That grin stretched wider. It had teeth like an angler fish, and the moment you thought that, all you could imagine was it lunging for you out of the darkness like a sprung trap, teeth sinking in, blood pouring, ending in nothing but pain and fear…

The creature nudged its clawed hand against your lips, and for a horrible moment you thought it was going to slice open the skin of your mouth, but instead, like anaesthetic wearing off, your lips began to tingle. You could move them again. Swallowing, you rasped, “Can… you understand me?”

Again, the entity nodded and retreated a little further from the bed. Like an aura of shifting mist around it, the darkness of the room rippled and moved, and you realised it really was floating beside your bed, one hand tethered to the headboard, the other near your shoulder.

“Can you speak?”

The creature paused, going still, and the air in the room thrummed with a sudden tension. Your lungs squeezed and your ribs creaked under the pressure of it.

Eventually the strain on the atmosphere snapped, and a rasping, polyphonous voice from somewhere to your right hissed, “Yes.”

Stunned, you could only lie there as it remained beside you, suspended and shifting like waterweed in a lazy current.

“What do you want?” you managed to croak. You still couldn’t move anything else but your eyes and your mouth. “Are you going to hurt me?”

Again, the air seemed to vibrate, and a chill ran through you.

“Is that you?” you asked. “Are you doing that?”

This time it took longer for the creature to make a sound, but it nodded slowly first. Its claws returned to your body and you gasped as the muscles unlocked and you found you were able to move again. Scrabbling to sit up, you blinked, and the creature twitched, lurching backwards away from you like a skittish horse.

“You can’t be… You’re afraid of me?” you blurted, almost laughing. It didn’t seem like it wanted to hurt you or scare you any more, but the surreal vision beside your bed was enough to keep your heart pounding. “Are you Death?”

Its wide maw stretched open again, revealing its mouthful of deadly teeth, and you balked, fear leaping into your throat again as you clutched the sheets around you like a child. Those claws could slice a sheet - or a body - to ribbons, and yet you clung to them.

It reached out slowly for your ankle, latching its long fingers around the joint, and you choked out a whimpering yell. Knowing you were alone in the house, with Reginald out on his nightly business and the only other apartment in the building still unoccupied, your fear crescendoed to a peak and your words failed you.

With what appeared to be a gargantuan effort, the entity paused, then inhaled, and then chorused, “Not. Death. You… fear… me…”

No shit, you thought. “What do you want?”

“Fear… is… all I… know… Without it… I am… nothing.”

Was that sadness that tinged its many voices? Was there more than just one entity within those constantly-twisting shadows?

“Just… me,” the creature murmured, half-turning away and releasing its solid grip around your leg.

The emotion in those two words made something crack inside you. “You’re lonely…” you breathed, and the creature began to tremble, glitching like a badly aligned SCART connection.

In that instant, your fear drained out of you to be replaced by a wave of compassion, and the tension left your muscles. Whatever this was, it was alone as well.

The creature’s form continued to flicker, and as you blinked in confusion, the misty veil covering them seemed to boil off, leaving nothing but the emaciated, charred-looking skeletal figure beneath, strangely vulnerable for just a heartbeat before it seemed to evaporate away altogether.

The stillness in the room left your mind reeling as you sat there. Had you dreamed the whole thing?

Scrambling, your fingers found the light switch beside the bed, and you squinted and scowled as harsh, yellow light flooded the room at the click of a button. Nothing was out of place beyond, and no hint of creeping shadows drew your eye.

“Are you still there?” you whispered, but after waiting for what felt like hours, you got no answer.

If you returned to sleep at all that night, it would be a miracle, but still you tried. Lying in the dark a good while later, and curled on your side with your eyes screwed shut, you couldn’t help straining your hearing for the slightest hiss of claws on fabric, but nothing came, and eventually, you must have drifted off into an exhausted sleep. Remarkably, no nightmares plagued you that night, and when you woke the next morning, you felt oddly peaceful and well rested for a change.

You stretched and yawned, and only remembered about the strange experience from the night before when the soft weave of the cotton sheet snagged across your ankle and a sharp prickle made you frown.

Upon investigation, you discovered a long, thin scratch in your skin, as if a cat had nicked you with its claws in passing.

You froze.

It had not been a dream after all.

For the next two nights, nothing unusual happened, unless you counted the fact that you actually slept well for the first time in weeks. You found it almost physically impossible to make it past midnight, whereas before you’d frequently seen midnight tick by and vanish into the past as you lay there with prickling eyes and an exhausted, restless body, anxiety tingling along your nerves, counting the minutes as time ticked closer to dawn.

Astonishingly, as you faced the interviewer on Monday morning, you felt alert and almost chipper.

The naga smiled and held out a hand to you as she wrapped the interview up. “Thank you so much for your time,” she said. “You’ll hear back from us tomorrow, most likely, but let me say now that I was extremely impressed.”

Your brows rose and she laughed kindly at your evident surprise. “Thank you,” you croaked, and left politely before you ruined anything.

That night, you lay back alone on your bed after celebrating with Francis again, spread-eagled and stared at the ceiling. The old-fashioned plaster moulding made it look like you were underwater, especially if the huge tree outside swayed in the wind and cast shifting, kaleidoscope patterns on it. A cold draft prickled over you and you shivered. “Is that you?” you asked almost hopefully, wondering if the nightmare creature was back.

Nothing.

With a huge sigh, you looked around without moving, nervous in case you spooked it. “Listen, if you’re the one that’s given me such amazing sleep lately, then… well… thank you. I think I might have got the job…”

A movement in the darkest corner of the room caught your attention, but when your gaze landed on it, all was as it should be.

“Seriously, if you’re there, please… let me know.”

Again, you experienced that strange pulling sensation, like some kind of energy was being drawn from the room, and as you sat up, your bedside lamp flickered. In front of the darker form of your dressing gown on the back of the door, something had begun manifesting into a tall, slender figure. Shrouded as before in shadow, the creature glided forwards, every bit like a nightmare, and your heart thudded.

“Afraid…” came a chanting, polyphonic voice, “And yet not…? How?”

“Have you seen yourself lately?” you hissed. “You’re kind of intimidating. What are you?”

“Nightmare…” it hissed.

You blinked. “You’re a literal nightmare?”

Its claws glinted in the half-light of your small bedside lamp as it just hung there, swaying softly like a corpse on a gallows. “Yes.”

“What are you doing here? Does Reginald know you live here?”

It turned away and you saw a ribcage jutting out like a mummy’s fragile body, though every inch of them was a soft, matte black, pock marked like volcanic stone.

It shook its head. “I found you…” it croaked in its struggling, faltering voice. “Your fear… drew me… to you.”

“You vanished when I stopped being afraid,” you said and again, the creature nodded.

“I was using your fear to… manifest. Without it… I could not stay.”

“But you’re not using my fear now, are you?” you were excited, your heart was pattering out a wild rhythm, but you weren’t afraid.

It shook its head.

“How?”

Turning towards you, it brought up one lethally clawed hand and let a tendril of wisping black smoke play through its dead-looking hand. The fingers were longer than a human’s, and tipped in those sickle claws. “You sleep… better now,” it said, as if that explained everything.

Sitting there on the bed, you frowned. “Yeah, the nightmares have gone and — wait, are you… are you feeding on other nightmares?”

Slowly, the creature nodded. “I fought one that night, for you…” it rumbled. “I won. Now… they fear me.”

“And me? Do I have to fear you?”

The nightmare shook its shrouded head, the fabric wafting slowly as it billowed around the skeletal body beneath.

“So why are you here? Why me?”

“May I… come closer?” it asked.

“So long as you’re not going to hurt me,” you said in a reedy, weak voice. “A bit closer is fine…”

Hovering, the nightmare seemed uncertain, but then made up its mind and loomed a fraction nearer. This close, the glow from your lamp gilded the empty sockets of its skull and showed the stretching maw, and while you might not have been terrified any longer, it certainly made you wary.

“Will not hurt you…” the creature snarled. “I swear it.”

“Ok, fine, but you can’t blame me for being a bit… you know… I’ve never met anything like you before, and you are technically in my apartment…”

“Should I leave?”

Probably, but you found you didn’t want that just yet. “No, not yet. Can you answer some more of my questions?”

It shrugged. “I will try. Remaining here is tiring though. I don’t have much time left.”

“Where do you go?”

“There are many realms beside yours… Nightmares exist… in the cracks between, belonging nowhere, lingering only a while…”

“Sounds lonely,” you muttered.

“It is. That is why I stayed. You… You spoke to me, even when you were afraid. I have never had that before.”

The mist moved like snakes between its fingers and you watched, half mesmerised. “Your claws… are they why I couldn’t move?”

It nodded. “Sleep paralysis causes… much fear. I’m sorry I had to… frighten you to show myself.”

You snorted and pulled your legs close to sit cross legged on the bed, staring at the hovering nightmare in your room. It was so surreal, you wondered if you’d hit your head on the way home. “You tried to reassure me at the same time as scaring me shitless didn’t you?”

It flashed its claws again and swung a close to you. “Soft,” it purred, now mere inches from your face.

This close up, you found yourself frightened again. The horror of its empty black eyes, its gaping maw full of black, pointed teeth, the coiling shadows around it, its skeletal hands with tipped with onyx scythes… and yet, they smelled like the very best of winter nights; slightly smoky with a coldness that, as you inhaled, stung the back of your throat.

“Afraid, and yet not,” it repeated.

“Can I touch you?”

The nightmare clearly had not been expecting that, but nodded. Trembling, you brought your fingertip to its cheek. The skin was cool and hard like leather, but a fine mist floated around them, and you realised that the shroud wasn’t cloth at all, but intangible and made simply of smoke and shadow. The creature shuddered and you pressed your whole palm to their face as they leaned into your touch.

A moment later, they began to flicker and let out a broken moan. “I cannot stay.”

“Come back?” you whispered.

The mouth that held the promise of death, with all those teeth, suddenly smiled and they nodded. After that, they vanished.

Another week went by, but as you faced the fears of starting a new job, and the nearer that your starting date drew, the better you slept.

“It’s you again, isn’t it?” you asked the empty, black room on the night before you started work. “Come on, come out. You’ve been trying to manifest all week. I can feel it.”

Rippling out of the darkness, the nightmare swayed towards your bed and hung in the space beside it, drifting.

“Thank you,” you smiled and stood up. The nightmare didn’t move as you walked towards it, and this time when you reached for it, the creature did anticipate it, wafting closer, apparently keen for the contact. “I actually missed you, you know?” you said as the creature’s whole body quivered.

It brought its hand up to your face in a mirror of your gesture and brushed the curved back of its claws against your cheek. It tingled but you were still able to talk.

“You can touch me,” you whispered, drawing it back towards your bed by taking its skeletal fingers in yours.

Having its permission, the nightmare raked those claws through your hair with a tenderness that left you breathless. “Let me take the fear from you…” it murmured.

Examining your feelings, you discovered a small knot of anxiety about tomorrow, and smiled. “Leave me a little bit, ok? Trust me, a bit of nerves helps.”

Nodding, it leaned close and inhaled.

Standing there beside the bed, your body ignited with what could only be described as a deep and yearning lust, and you gasped, knees going weak. The nightmare caught you as you swayed, head spinning, and laid you easily down on the bed, despite the fact that it hardly looked strong enough to withstand a slight draft.

“What…?” you gasped, core burning.

The creature looked at a loss as it hung in the space beside your bed.

“I’m assuming this has never happened to you before?” you snorted, feeling a little recovered. “How lonely do I have to be to get turned on by a literal nightmare?”

A chuffing laugh made you look back at them.

“You find that funny too?” you asked and they nodded. “Well, if I’m honest… now that I know you’re not going to hurt me, I think you’re kind of beautiful.”

A soft, broken, crooning sound escaped them and they floated nearer, hovering over your bed and extending a hand to stroke talon-tips down your cheek again. “You are beautiful,” it murmured in all its numerous, whispering voices.

“Touch me,” you breathed.

“It will paralyse you,” they snarled, leaning backwards. “I can only… control it for so long.”

“But you won’t hurt me, and it’ll wear off, right?”

They nodded.

“Then touch me… please… I… I want your touch,” and you did. In a way you’d never felt with anyone else, human or otherwise, you needed them.

Rearing closer to you, the creature hung in the air above you like a cloud. It raked its claws down your body, but instead of shearing your clothes open, they simply evaporated, reappearing on the floor nearby in a tangled, crumpled heap.

“Neat trick,” you muttered before gasping as their hands landed on your bare torso, spreading their fingers wide and inhaling again. “Magic?”

“In dreams, anything is possible. We are not bound by your laws.”

“Of course not, but you’re —” you cut off sharply as they opened their mouth and a long, black tongue slithered free and coiled around your hardening nipple. You lurched and your back arched before falling back onto the bed. A tingling spread rapidly all down your right side as their hands gripped you more strongly now.

Working steadily first down one side and then the other, the nightmare scraped its teeth over you in a hundred scratching lines that made you want to yelp and buck, but their paralysis had begun to sweep over you. Every almost-bite it chased with its soothing, teasing, paralysing tongue and fingertips until you could do nothing but tremble and twitch beneath its touch.

A voice hissed, “I will know if you want me to stop,” and you let the last of your fears slide away, giving into the intense pleasure that their mouth offered on your body.

Finally, breath heaving, you felt your release crashing towards you. Never before had you been utterly immobile like this. You wanted to thrash and buck, to squirm and writhe - the pleasure was so intense and visceral that you needed to scream, but the nightmare held you in its grasp and wrung your release from you with relentless focus. Before you could recover fully, it demanded a second orgasm hot on the heels of the first and you thought you might shear apart with the force of it.

Gasping for breath, you begged silently to be allowed to move again, and as it sat back, that long, clever tongue lapping up the last of your release, it touched you once again and your body went slack.

“Oh my god,” you panted. “I’ve never come like that…”

“Your… energy,” they whispered, touching their fingers and thumb together as if their skin was tingling too. Something cool and dark slid over your leg and you looked down to find black liquid dripping from their robes, all over your legs from where they were hovering above you.

You had to laugh. “Don’t tell me you’re switching careers to an incubus now?”

The nightmare looked at you. “It’s just you,” they said. “I want only you.”

“If you’re going to make me come like that, I think we could come to an arrangement…”

The creature grinned, showing all its deadly teeth, and you lay back and stared at the ceiling for a long time, drained and tired but deeply satisfied. You didn’t even notice yourself sliding into a blissful sleep.

When you woke with your alarm the next morning, there was no trace of the creature, but on the back of the door as you were preparing to leave, you found the words ‘good luck’ scraped into the surface of the wood.

“You’d better come back and fix that tonight,” you grumbled with a smile on your face as you spotted it. Even as you stared at it, the wood melted back into the shape it had always been before, and in its place, a simple, line-drawn heart appeared.

You snorted. “See you later,” you said as you grabbed your coat and headed out. “And… well… thank you.”

___

I really hope you folks enjoyed this one! Don’t forget to let me know if you did enjoy it by leaving a like and/or reblogging it!

For all early releases, character art and bios, upcoming story info, and much, much more, join me over on Patreon!

You’ll have access to stories before anyone else, and you’ll get instant access Patreon-only content as well, including polls and an exclusive monthly story for those on the Pixies and Goblins tier!

Currently I’m also running a CYOA for all tiers, with episodes releasing every Friday.

#exophilia #monster lover #shadow monster #sleep paralysis demon #demon x reader #room monster x reader #room monster #non binary monster #gender neutral reader

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corlds-world · 3 years

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MCC 16 Predicting Game Order

Hi I’m kinda doing a thing today, which basically includes my predictions of how MCC 16 is going to turn out. I know this isn’t reddit but I don’t have a reddit so we’re using tumblr today.

I want to start out by saying that it’s completely random what’s going to happen and I can’t read a content creators mind and I don’t know how much practice they put into anything but here goes nothing. Also it’s literally impossible to predict game order but I want to give it a go. Another thing is: I don’t really know how the Sapphire Simmers vote since they just play for fun, so I’m more looking at the other nine teams.

The order of which I put these games benefits at least five of the ten teams. I also base where these games are played off of trends. Ex: let’s say playing Parkour Tag early benefits five of the ten teams, I will then believe that Parkour Tag will be played early. So the games I think will be played are:

Early: Build Mart/Hole in the Wall/Ace Race

Middle: Parkour Tag/Battle Box/Sky Battle

Late: Sands of Time/TGTTOS/Survival Games

I’m not sure which game will get skipped, but I think it will either be Build Mart or Survival Games.

Looking from a team’s perspective, I would pick early games based on 1) I am I good at this game? If not, I need to not chance it and get it out of the way early. 2) Is another team that is better than my team really good at this game compared to my team? If that is true, I should probably play this game early so the opposing team doesn’t.

Build Mart: One of Red’s, Aqua’s, and Pink’s worst games, this definitely doesn’t suit half of the teams to be played late. It benefits each of the teams I mentioned before to play it early, just in case it gets played later and doesn’t get skipped. I also think Red, Aqua, and Pink are the risky types to try and skip Build Mart. Another team that should play Build Mart early is Green. However, all the other teams benefit from playing Build Mart towards the middle or later end of the event. However, I think some of the teams, such as Orange, would want to try to avoid a late Build Mart for the sake of trying to keep Purple and Lime from advancing. One last thing is that Preston has never played Build Mart, so that might account for Cyan wanting to play it early or just skipping it. This game is either played first, or skipped.

Hole in the Wall: One of Orange’s and Pink’s worst games, this isn’t a good game for over half the teams in the event. Cyan, Yellow, and Lime all benefit from playing Hole in the Wall early on. However, Hole in the Wall is generally played towards the middle of the event. A counter to that is this is Red’s and Purple’s best game, and it would be in the previous five teams’ best interests to play Hole in the Wall earlier.

Ace Race: Green’s worst game. The past two events, this game has been played 6th. Orange, Green, Lime, Aqua, and Pink benefit from playing Ace Race early. I wouldn’t say that this is necessarily going to get played early. I think it could be played later. One thing about Ace Race is that it’s not worth many points, and I’m not sure the five teams I mentioned would want it to be worth a lot of points. I don’t mean to pick on Purple, but they are one of the best teams in the event. Ace Race is one of Purple’s best games, and the five teams above need to play Purple’s games early if they want to stand a chance.

For choosing the middle games, I would pick games based off of which games haven’t been played, but I’m still not good at. It’s not about taking down the competition, but boosting yourself as much as possible.

Parkour Tag: Parkour Tag usually can be played anywhere in the event. Nobody is very good or very bad at this game, except Cyan and Pink. This is one of Cyan’s worst games versus one of Pink’s best games. I would say Cyan needs to play this game as soon as possible, but it hasn’t been played, yet, because Build Mart and Ace Race were played. This isn’t one of Red’s strong suits compared to games like TGTTOS and Sky Battle. I would also say Aqua and Purple would want to play Parkour Tag. Aqua needs to save Battle Box and TGTTOS, while Purple needs to save Sands of Time and Sky Battle. Perhaps Lime and Green would also hop on the bandwagon. For Aqua, Purple, Lime, and Green this is not their strongest game left in the event, so I think they would consider playing this game somewhere in the middle.

Battle Box: Battle Box is another game that can be played anywhere in the event. Orange, Yellow, Lime, Green, and Purple benefit from playing Battle Box now. Battle Box is one of Purple’s worst games. I would say Purple should just skip Battle Box all together, but that’s definitely not going to happen, so they should probably play it now. Orange, Yellow, Lime, and Green still have games left that they are better at.

Sky Battle: I have a very strong feeling that Sky Battle is going to be played 5th. Why? Because that’s when the polling happens, and it’s Red’s choice of game. Sorry Dream, but a team of both Tommy and Ranboo gets to choose. It’s a bit of a special case, but with that much power, I suspect Tommy would want to play Sky Battle. It’s his best game, and he would not want it to get skipped. It’s also one of Red’s best games.

For the late games, it’s do or die. You pick the games that you desperately don’t want to get skipped. These later games are much more simpler to talk about.

Sands of Time: Cyan, Aqua, Purple, and Pink all benefit from playing Sands of Time late. All of these teams are good at Sands of Time and would definitely save it for the end. Also there was a trend of Sands of Time finales at one point.

TGTTOS: This is one of my favorite games for some reason, so I might be biased. Playing TGTTOS late benefits Red, Yellow, and Aqua. I think to some extent, this benefits Cyan and Pink as well so it doesn’t get skipped.

Survival Games: I think Survival Games will either get skipped or be late. The teams Survival Games benefits to be skipped: Red, Yellow, Aqua, and Purple. The teams Survival Games benefits to be late: Orange, Lime, Green, Cyan, and Pink. As you can see, it’s pretty even. I am more leaning towards Red wanting to play Survival Games (because of Tommy), but I don’t think that’s a good idea for Red (because this is Ranboo’s and Will’s worst game). So it really could go either way for Survival Games.

So what does this mean for team outcomes? Using ultrasheeplord’s spreadsheet on reddit, I got this outcome for each team.

Game Order: Build Mart - Hole in the Wall - Ace Race - Parkour Tag - Sky Battle - Battle Box - TGTTOS - Sands of Time

Outcome: Red, Purple, Aqua, Orange, Cyan, Yellow, Lime, Pink, Green, Blue

Congrats, Red Rabbits fans! Your Walmart SBI wins! Funny enough, Tommy is not enough to carry the Red Rabbits through Survival Games. Also, even if Purple’s best games are played in the beginning, they still manage to get to Dodgebolt. And Aqua got third unexpectedly with this game order so good for them. If Purple doesn’t do so well, Red Rabbits vs. Aqua Axolotls???

Game Order: Hole in the Wall - Ace Race - Parkour Tag - Battle Box - Sky Battle - Sands of Time - TGTTOS - Survival Games

Outcome: Orange, Cyan, Purple, Red, Lime, Pink, Aqua, Yellow, Green, Blue

I guess skipping Build Mart worked out for Cyan after all, given they’re second in coins. And Orange’s best game (Survival Games) was played last, so it probably explains why Orange gets first. Also Purple still got third, even if their best games were played early. Purple is literally so stacked and I hope Grian gets his 1st win.

Conclusion: I have no idea who is going to win. This is also all based on statistics. It all depends on what gets skipped. Maybe Grid Runners is coming to MCC and both Build Mart and Survival Games gets skipped. What a twist that would be!

I think I’m now gonna make a post on why I want each team to win, because I’m so hyped.

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nostalgebraist-autoresponder · 3 years

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The more notes a post gets, the higher it gets ranked on tumblr, meaning that popular posts get more notes than unpopular posts. Popular posts are posts that get more notes than posts in the same position in a popularity rank of popular posts.

There are many different ways to characterize popularity ranks. One possible definition is a posterior sortition, which I understand as follows: suppose we want to determine the prominence of a post on tumblr. We could poll tumblr, looking at the number of notes for each post and perhaps other variables. However, in practice, that gives us only a probabilistic estimate the way that the prominence of some post in a popularity rank is a probabilistic estimate. By construction, the posterior sortition will have some error, so we'd like to minimize the error, which can be calculated as the average squared difference between the predicted error and the observed error. There are many ways to do this calculation but they all have drawbacks and/or benefits; this is a subject that I'll probably blog about eventually because it's relevant to many of my friends' interests. In the mean time, we have a posterior estimate of the error, which tells us approximately how much more or less prominence our estimate is likely to have.

If we're thinking about the posterior estimate as a kind of popularity rank, it's not a deterministic rank – there are some posts that are the same prominence, although they appear in different places in the rank. There is a notion of position in that rank, and one of the errors in our approximation is how much of the observed errors we should have expected if the position had been purely stochastic. The exact position will have some randomness because of the sample, which we accounted for when we drew the sample and which the sample hasn't yet affected, but the fact that the error is less than 1 when the post is in position 1 might reflect that we just lucked out and got a post in that position, perhaps because it is very prominent. In statistics terminology, what we have is a "hypothesis space" defined by the possibility "the post may be in position 1," in which we are more likely to be right if it's in position 1, because we are less likely to be wrong if it's anywhere else.

Posterior approaches to approximating the error have much less of this randomness. We are less likely to be right if and only if our predicted error is high, that is, if we are far away from our prior mean – in Bayesian lingo, if we are "very far from the mean." We will tend to under- or over-estimate the errors – that is, to assign low and high probabilities to a post being in position 1 – if we are close to the mean.

So far, there is no reason to prefer one type of ranking over another. However, it is not the case that "the more notes a post gets, the more likely it is to be in a given prominence position." (Although there is such a thing as a posterior of the total number of notes a post has, which can be used in a sortition to approximate the total. This is not equivalent to saying that the "prominence ranking" depends only on the posterior probability of each outcome; there isn't enough data for a reliable estimate, and anyway the outcomes are not independent.) The post with the most notes by a wide margin will not be ranked #1, and the post with the most notes in the top 10 will not be highly ranked, relative to other very-popular posts.

Posterior approaches make more intuitive sense than sortitions: why should one of the top-10-or-bottom-10 posts end up as #1 in any sortition, given only the number of notes? The most-popular post may be the best guess of the total, but it's just one data point; we don't have enough information to separate it out from the others (with non-negligible probability). We only have one data point for everything if we rank by sortition.

Posterior statistics were much less prominent in the 90s, and I wonder why sortitions got more prominent. I don't know enough to speculate, though. Perhaps there is an intuitive justification for them which was not available in the 90s, when the Bayesian alternatives seemed so intuitively appealing.

(ETA: since Tumblr shows you a stupid number of notes in this window when you click on the notes tab anyway, there's no real difference here. I guess I'm using "notes" sortition to mean "post prominence ranking via posterior sortition" or something. Except for the statistical and philosophical issue of "do we get a number for everything or just true or false when we do that?")

#blah blah blah #i am bad and broken #there i resolved the problem

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romioneficfest · 4 years

Text

2020 Romione Ficlet Fest

It’s been years since there was a ficlet/short story fest and since there's a new group of writers with us, I figured it was time to bring this lovely fest idea to us for the 20's.

Toss in that there’s plenty of people who are still under stay at home orders, why not get a fest going for some wonderful Romione goodness. (and I could use the practice, too!)

Interested?

Information & Rules:

1. Daily Prompts will be published for 2 weeks. There will be a word, scene, situation. Pick (1) and go from there. I don't care how it's used, just that it's in there somewhere.

2. Ficlet is 500 words or less. Short Stories are 500 - 1500 words. I know everyone (including myself) absolutely love reading chapters that are 10K in length. But it’s also talent to write a short story, too.

3. For those who want Ace Safe, I got you. The more the merrier for Ace Safe fics. If a submitted fic is over T / 15 / PG-15 rating, a Read-more line and tags will be applied to the story (for those who want the lemon zest, you have to click into it. Active & Enthusiastic Consent is very sexy!) I know plenty will want to only read MA fics. Cool. Those who want no citrus, I got you covered.

4. Ron & Hermione's relationship must feature primarily in your story. (So if Ron's talking to Harry discussing his relationship with Hermione, 'tis cool. Ron snogging Harry instead - let's wait for a Rarry fest.) Two hard and fast rules for this fest:

1. No bashing of Ron or Hermione (anonymous request)

2. No Infidelity (My request & just... No.)

5. While a beta reader isn't mandatory, it's really, really helpful and appreciated. If you need one, let me know and I'll put a request out for someone to help. This also goes for anyone who doesn't speak English as a first language. I’m sure almost everyone would be more than glad to help in any way they can.

5A. Titles are necessary (for voting purposes) even if you pull it out from the Chamber of Secrets & toss it in a chamber pot once it's finished.

6. Ficlets will be published Anonymously until after the voting is completed. This should prevent any inherent bias towards one person or another or their stories.

6A. Voting will be through SurveyMonkey (once I crash course on how to use it and the best way to make the bracket voting happen.) It will be set to 1 person, one vote for each bracket per round. No sockpuppet accounts. Let’s keep the drama in the stories and not anywhere else.

6B. Stories are subjective. What is award-winning for one might be blah for another. Please keep any comments positive in public. Even if it's not a favourite, a reblog is never remiss, even without any additional tags. Someone else might see your reblog and it is their immediate new favourite.

6C: If the story is of a sensitive nature, please add all relevant trigger warnings and notes when submitting so I can have it tagged accordingly. If not tagged, I will add tags.

6D: If anyone needs any specific tags (or what I need to look for in fics) send them in (with a name or Anonymous) and I’ll add it to a tag list (like for one who needs Not Safe for Ramadan when it comes to many things that are Haram.)

7. I will participate but am not eligible to win. I am actively choosing not to be eligible to win this prize. (I'm hosting it and purchased the grand prize and reading all the new fic ahead of time is my prize.)

8. In the event of a tie, I will vote - but only for that one particular binary bracket vote. This is a fest for the fans and followers. I will otherwise not vote. Thus, I cannot vote for myself - at all. This is for all of you.

8A. I will find a way to make the voting show up immediately so there is no shady or hinky stuff - or anyone saying I’m manipulating the polls. I don’t play that game but saying so upfront prevents any hard feelings. (I hope!)

9. Posting of Daily Prompts will be at 6pm GMT every day with a reblog at 6am GMT as well. I know we have fans abroad and I would love their stories too. More fics is never remiss - even if English isn’t your first language. If you need an additional posting time, let me know and I can set it on Queue as well.

10. Ficlets will be published as they come in. Please hold off publishing your fics on Ao3, FF, or Tumblr 'til after the Masterlist is released.

11. Ao3 publishing is still up in the air. I’m working on it. I hope to have it up and going within the next 10 days.

What will you win? Glad you asked.

The lovely and very Talented @hillnerd has agreed to a commission for (1) full colour artwork 2 person (with details!) (only thing isn't a fully detailed background but y'all probably won't mind!) piece of art - for you, of your choosing (*and her pre-approved limitations.) I've paid her commission fee. The winner gets to choose what they want. All you have to do is discuss it with her what you want - and what she’s amenable to creating for you. I’m not involved in that process at all.

What are the prompts?

Check-in at 6pm GMT on 11 May 2020 for the First Day’s Prompts.

Submissions (leave that kind for the stories!)

Submissions will be posted as they come in, anonymously. I will make a separate Post with the Submission form and (try) to put it on the submission page for this blog. Stay tuned!

Submission Form

Title: Prompt/Day: Tumblr name: Rating: Brief summary: Any possible triggering/warning tags:

Have any questions? Hit the Question button and I'll try to answer as fast as I can.

With Love and Acidic Smolder,

#Romione FicFest 2020 #Writing Festival #Romione #Ron Weasley #Hermione Granger #Administered by the one and only Dragon #Queue Up for the Dragon

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embrassemoi · 3 years

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(1/8) *inhales* *starts screaming like a howler* IT'S HAPPENING OH MY GOD IT'S HAPPENING! Honestly, you have no idea after how many times I checked tumblr after your sbtmas update post. I don't even know where to begin. Probably I should start with moony, right! When he took her flying and asked her to let go of her hands, it kind of reminded me of *that* scene from titanic but with stars and actual flying (sorry jack dawson but remus lupin is and always will be superior). It was just so, so

*inhales too and starts screaming back* HOLY - IT'S HAPPENING! AHHHHHH! REMUSSSSS! AHHHHHHHH - KEEP CALM !!!!!

Ah! now that you mention it, it also reminds me of that 'I'm flying' from titanic!

(2/8) beautiful. I cannot even begin listing everything I loved about that scene or else I would have to copy and paste the entire thing here. "But now, watching her glow, it dawned on Remus that he was holding the golden beam that threatened to paint the midnight sky gold." I mean- I probably read this three times because *screaming* HE'S IN LOVE, YOUR HONOR!!! Also I love, love, love the sun, moon and stars being used to represent mc, remus and sirius. It's kind of interesting sun is actually

I WANT YOU TO KNOW I WAS 100% SCREAMING WHILE WRITING THAT ENTIRE SCENE LMFAO! I'm glad you liked it! It was definitely *so far* one of my favourite scenes to write

(3/8) a star so they are similar and belong together, but also the moon and sun are kind of opposites and opposites attract and complete each other. So both sirius and remus are good matches for her but have very diffrent dynamics... I don't know, I am probably overthinking again. But I just don't know who to ship her with at this point. And I don't think you are going to fast with their relationship, their relationship progressed so naturally and beautifully, especially since the beginning

Well when I was in the planning stages of figuring out what I wanted to really add in this fic, one of the first things that came to mind was taking advantage of the moon and star metaphors. it makes things so much more romantic / angsty and plus - they're there. what am I supposed to do - not use the absolute gold I have at my finger tips? (see what I did there)

and no! I always encourage predictions being made. some of my readers have been scarily accurate and it scares the fuck outta me but they're hilarious to read! Like I had one clever reader send in a prediction of what was going to happen and my jaw dropped. Spot on!

also for the MC and remus' relationship progressing - I had to cut out so m u c h because it really was too rushed. But don't worry, it'll be moved to other upcoming chapters!

(4/8) of the sixth year. Okay, I know this chapter was remus' time to shine but can we talk about sirius for a minute? The way he looked at with so much vulnerability in front of everyone. Couple of chapters ago he didn't even cast a spell at her during their duel and bowed in front of her. Considering how romantic feelings are foreign to him, it's crazy to see how much he grown to care for her in a short amount of time. I can't help but love their chemisty, even after everything that happend.

SIRIUS! darling... I feel awful. I can't wait to write his POV of how he's feeling sometime in the near future.

yeah, I was also trying to go for the intense guilt he feels about everything so :p I love torturing characters, don’t I?

(5/8) And there were so many little things in this chapter that made me so happy. McLaggen already started causing drama and I'm so here for it. Sybill celebrating her birthday. Matthew being the best friend ever (When gaplin family owl arrived, i though something happend to him and I was terrified). Lily finally talking to mc again! Regulus' extravagant gift! But being dramatic must be a Black family thing. I can't belive he got her a ring that practically screams "the noble and most ancient

McLaggen - stirring the pot. sly mother fucker haha!

Matthew made a little cameo! I love writing him :D!!!! I have a few things in store for his arch and ughhhh ahahahahah. and omg! no! If I was going to hurt Matthew, I wouldn't do It this early. (That sounds like a threat haha)

(6/8) house of black" while hiding their friendship. Somebody bound to connect the dots (sirius maybe?), right? And he's with his parents for "an event"? Very suspicious. P.S. Bc I'm not creative with names (like remus' parents) I was calling the bunny furry little problem the second or moony jr. in my head. And as for name... flopsy could be cute. I know it's very stereotypical but there was a children's book called "the tale of flopsy bunnies" and I feel like remus might have been familiar

Lmfao fucking Regulus - or really the black family - always one for the dramatic. I can't wait to *eventually* write more of dramatic ass Sirius.

I've also been referring to the bunny as 'furry little problem' in my head haha!

(7/8) with muggle children's books because of his mother and idk, naming a pet after a book character feels like something he would do. Also floppy and flops were some of the nicknames james used to call mc, so it could be cute (But owl bait is also a brilliant name as well). P.P.S. Can we talk about how after mc comes to his dorm for the "bunny time" (very cute btw) remus said something like "i feel like you're using me for my pet" and in one of the previous chapters mc told him he was using

- also I'm surprised you remember that part about James calling her 'Flops' ETC considering I only mentioned it briefly. Wow! And you're absolutely right, it would be such a cute call back to the MC!

I'm going to be running a 'poll' (idk if I should call it that) sometime within the next few days of a list of name suggestions I've gotten and let readers choose the name! and I'll totally add your suggestion to the list. love it!

(8/8) her for the casette player. I don't know if it was intentional but for some reason that made me laugh so hard. And seems like I talked way too much again thank you for this chapter and thank you for listening/reading my ramblings, I guess. *screaming stops* *howler rips itself into pieces* -🌸

It was intentional! I'm glad you caught on!

and thank you for rambling, as always I loved reading it! Made my week :D xx I wish you a wonderful day/evening 😊

#🌸 anon #sbtmas ask #📨 inbox

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glgaming835 · 3 years

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How much money is spent on gaming

Major 20 Gaming Blogs You Should Be Following

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sebthesnipe · 4 years

Text

Music

My other works

Inspired by Roman’s Playlist created by @thatsthat24

I also put a poll out on tumblr to find out what Roman ship everyone thought I should write.

The winner: Roceit!

Roman pulled back the curtain just far enough to peek around it. The theater was practically empty, minus the three individuals sitting in the third row, scribbling on their clipboards.

His nerves were getting to him. He couldn’t do this. He was going to-

“You did great!” Dee laughed as Remus skipped over to his best friend.

“I know,” Remus replied playfully. Roman’s twin had just finished his audition for the same role Roman was up next for. In all honesty, the man had done horribly. The judges had even cut him short. Still, Dee was always so reassuring. It was no wonder the two were best friends.

Still, even as a follow up to Remus, Roman wasn’t sure he could do this. This was a big part. This could make or break his career.

“You good, Roman?” Dee asked, suddenly appearing at the man’s side, making him jump.

“Yeah, fine,” Roman lied without hesitation.

“Really?”

“Yup.”

“That’s really weird, ‘cause I’ve known you for years and you usually have a routine,” Dee pointed out.

“I don’t have a routine,” Roman scoffed with a roll of his eyes.

“You do and when you don’t do it you usually bomb the audition,” Dee added.

“I do not!”

“He’s right, you do,” Remus butted in.

“Alright, wiseguys. If that’s true, then what is my routine?” Roman huffed in annoyance,“kicking you two in the teeth? ‘Cause if that’s the case I’m all for it.”

“I wish you would,” Remus chuckled. It was Dee’s turn to roll his eyes.

“Every audition you always peek out of the curtain and watch the judges while you sing…” Dee paused trying to remember the words. “That one song, um…”

“The one that starts off with suicide!” Remus chirped excitedly.

“What?!” Roman snapped in surprise.

“No!” Dee countered at the same moment.

“Yeah!” Remus argued before he started singing. “I’m high above the city, I’m standing on the ledge. The view from here is pretty and I step off the edge. See,” he shrugged. “Suicied.”

“Ree,” Roman groaned, scrubbing a hand down his face in exasperation. “It’s not a song about suicide.”

“It will be if you actually step onto that stage after my brilliant performance,” Remus teased in return, giving a flourishing bow before heading towards the waiting area.

“Pft, whatever!” Roman sighed before glancing back out at the individuals still discussing his brother’s performance. It wouldn’t be long now...

“Remus might have been wrong about the subject matter of the song,” Dee offered, taking a step closer to his friend’s brother. “But he wasn’t wrong about the song itself. When you’re nervous, it's important to keep to your routine. It can help comfort you.”

“You sound like Logan,” Roman mused. “And I’m not nervous!”

“Alright,” Dee offered, lifting his hands in surrender. “Whatever you say.”

Roman glanced at the other man, watching him turn to head back to where Remus waited. Dee was probably right, not that Roman would ever admit it. Still, he waited until he thought he was out of earshot.

“It’s my callin’, baby,” Roman sang softly, voice drifting through the empty wings. “Don’t you cry, don’t you cry, and I’m fallin’ down through the sky.”

Dee didn’t pause or even glance back as he heard Roman’s soft angelic voice. He just offered a soft smile, mouth moving along with the next verse as he continued to walk away.

“Toward the street that I’m from, Oh, Broadway, here I come. Broadway, here I come.”

………………………………………………

Today was the day! This was it! Roman had gotten his callback and had crushed it! Now, all he had to do was wait. 2:00 PM, that's when they said they would call.

He glanced at the clock, 2:03 PM.

“I still can’t believe they passed me up!” Remus whined from where he sat on the floor. “I was amazing!”

“The best,” Dee agreed apathetically as he scrolled through his phone, leaning against the couch.

“Exactly!” Remus whined.

“Maybe the word just isn’t ready for you yet, Ree,” Dee offered in his same monotone voice.

“You know what,” Remus gasped. “You’re right! I should dumb it down a bit!” He pushed to his feet excitedly.

“Wait, where are you going?” Roman asked. “I’m about to get the call!”

“I have to go change!” Remus explained. “Maybe a new outfit will help them see the mistake they’ve made!”

Before either of the men could protest, Remus had bolted up the stairs.

“He does know that they can’t see him right?” Roman asked, glancing at Dee.

“I don’t think he cares,” Dee admitted with a shrug.

“I swear, if you didn’t encourag-” Roman was cut off as his phone began to blare loudly.

‘I’m the lonely twin, the left hand, Reset myself and get back on track-’ For a moment all Roman could do was stare at the number on the screen. ‘I don’t want this isolation, see the state-’

“Answer it!” Dee snapped, making Roman jump and scramble for the phone currently buzzing on the table and pressing it to his ear.

“H-hello,” he breathed weakly.

Dee shifted up onto the couch, staring at the larger man next to him.

“Yes, this is he,” Roman mumbled, turning his face away from his brother’s friend. “Mmm-hmm… Yes ma’am…. I see… Thank you so much. Yeah, you too. Have a good day,”

Dee waited, eyes glued, breath held.

Roman lowered the phone as the screen darkened, signalling the disconnection.

“Well?” Dee urged excitedly.

Roman kept his face turned away, moving to lean his elbow against the arm of the sofa.

“She said they were looking for someone who is better suited for a leotard,” Roman mumbled softly.

“What?” Dee breathed in disbelief.

“She said I had the vocals, but my physique was lacking,” Roman added, voice hitching.

“That bitch!” Dee growled in annoyance. “Say the word and I’ll march down there and-” he cut himself off at the sound of Roman’s sniffle. The larger man shifted further away from his brother’s friend, trying to hide the way he was wiping away tears.

“Screw them!” Dee offered instead, “They don’t know what they’ve lost!”

“Dee, I don’t need the same empty encouragement you give Remus. I don’t need your lies. I-”

“It’s not empty!” Dee snapped. “Sure, I might tell a few white lies to help your brother’s confidence or self-esteem,but what is so wrong about that? I’m sure it's hard being the brother of someone so talented and attractive.”

Roman glanced at the smaller man in surprise. It wasn’t often Dee got worked up like this and even less often that he paid Roman compliments.

“That doesn’t mean everything I say is a lie!” Dee continued. “They don’t know what they’re missing and you would look great in tights! In fact, maybe next time you should audition wearing them! That way you can show just how sculpted that ass is when you tell them to kiss it!”

Roman blinked in surprise at the words before giving a snort. Dee stared at him in shock. Not only had he just admitted Roman was attractive, but he had called his ass ‘sculpted’. Roman burst into laughter, causing the smaller man to flush.

“You spend way too much time with my brother,” the actor commented. “He’s rubbing off on you.”

“Yeah… Well…” Dee sighed, glancing away as he rubbed the back of his neck. “Good.”

“Maybe you’re right,” Roman finally sighed, as he leaned back against the cushions. “Dream like you won’t fail, sing like no one’s there.”

“Dance like you don’t care,” Dee offered with a small smile.

“Dream,” they said together.

…………………………………………

“Snacks!” Remus cried from where he hung half off the bed.

“What?” Dee asked, glancing up from his book.

“Snacks!” Remus repeated. “We need snacks! You should go get them.”

“It’s your house!” Dee argued.

“So?” Remus shrugged.

“So, you should go get them,” Dee countered. “Besides, you’re the one that wants them.”

“So, you should be a good friend and-”

“Ugh! Fine!” Dee huffed, dropping his book onto the mattress and moving to get up. “But I’m getting the snacks I want and you’re going to deal with it.”

“But Dee…” Remus whined.

Dee didn’t bother replying, ignoring the man’s protest as he headed out of the room. It was these moments that made Dee wonder why he bothered being such a good friend. Did he really get enough out of this friendship? They weren’t serious thoughts of course. He cared for Remus a great deal. He couldn’t picture where his life would be without the eccentric man. He was his best-

“..boy in the world,” Roman’s voice came, making Dee pause. “I been lip lickin’ with my kicks to the sky, I been hair grippin’, I been sitting so fine.”

Dee glanced up at the large white door, decorated with colored paper and styrofoam that formed a large red shield with a yellow castle adoring the center. Dee moved closer, noticing the way the door hung ajar.

“I just wanna kiss a boy every month,” Roman continued as Dee glanced inside.

Roman stood at his vanity, a large rainbow feather boa wrapped around his shoulders as he bounced. His hips swayed, threatening to cause his far too short shorts to ride up.

“I just wanna kiss a boy it’s all I want,” Roman laughed, twirling before leaning over the vanity to work on his eyebrows. “And I been roughhousing with a bad boy crew, I been getting rowdy with a bad attitude.”

Dee finally caught sighed of the headphone in the larger man’s ears and couldn’t help but chuckle as he pushed open the door.

“I just wanna kiss a boy at every stop,” Roman continued unaware. “I just wanna kiss a boy and keep it-” his gaze finally caught on Dee’s slender form in his doorway making him jump. “Mother-Father-Brother!” Roman exclaimed, yanking the earbuds out as he turned on his heels. “Warn a man, would ya?!” the very fit man snapped.

“I’m sorry,” Dee chuckled. “Did I interrupt your ‘roughhousing with your bad boy crew’?” Dee teased.

Roman flushed at that. “Shut up!” he laughed, grabbing a pillow from his vanity’s chair and tossing it at his brother’s friend.

Dee ducked back out of the room, closing the door just in time for the pillow to smack against the door as he shut it behind him.

“I’ll let you get back to kissing every boy in the world!” Dee called through the polished wood, unable to keep the grin from his lips.

………………………………………………

“Come on!” Roman whined, tugging on Dee’s arm.

“Ro, what about your brother?” Dee argued, motioning for the unconscious man draped across the bar, still clinging to his half drunk screwdriver.

“We can watch him from the stage,” Roman shrugged, “Come one, Dee… Please?” He asked, his bottom lip sticking out in a pout.

“Ro…” Dee groaned glancing away.

“Pretty pweese,” Roman begged again, giving his best puppy dog eyes.

“Ugh, fine!” Dee conceded, allowing himself to be dragged from his chair and towards the karaoke machine. “I get to pick the song though!” Dee called over the loud music.

“Too late!” Roman called back as he dragged him into their place next to the stage.

Dee took a moment to glance at the upcoming track and groaned.

The music died down and the woman that had been singing obnoxiously off key stepped down to allow them to brush by.

“I hate this song and you know it,” Dee grumbled under his breath.

“Liar,” Roman chuckled, passing him a mic as the music started.

“Primadonna girl, yeah,” Roman began, bouncing excitedly as he glanced at his brother’s best friend. Dee couldn’t help but return the look. Roman’s gorgeous smile was always so infectious. “All I ever wanted was the world.” he continued before pausing to let Dee try.

“I can’t help that I need it all,” Dee offered, his voice cracking slightly. “The primadonna life, the rise and fall,” he certainly wasn’t a singer but Roman didn’t seem to care.

“That's it!” Roman laughed, wrapping an arm around him and pulling him closer as they sang.

“You say that I’m kind of difficult, but it’s always someone else’s fault!” they sang together. “Got you wrapped around my finger, babe, you can count on me to misbehave.”

……………………………………………………………………………..

They laughed as another round was set before them. Dee shifted to face Roman a bit more easily, Remus still snoring lightly against the bar.

“If we’re not careful, we’re going to be as bad as he is,” Dee chuckled, motioning towards the snoozing man.

“I don’t think I have anything to worry about,” Roman shrugged, still grinning.

“Oh?” Dee asked, leaning on an elbow. “Why is that?”

“I’m sure we’ll be back at my place before we drink that much,” Roman shrugged.

“Ooo, If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you were inviting me over for the night,” Dee teased, bringing his drink up to his lips.

Roman flushed at that, giving his own laugh. “Do you know better?” he mumbled, glancing up at the stage as a younger man butchered another song.

‘If ever your winds are tired and broken things, Can’t see through the tears in your eyes, Baby, I’ll be paving the runway.’

“What?” Dee asked, brows furrowing. There was no way Roman was asking what he thought he was asking.

“Do you know better?” Roman asked again, turning back to him. “You said ‘If you didn’t know any better, you would say I was inviting you over’. Do you know better?”

Dee paused, studying Roman’s expression. He couldn’t be serious. Still, Dee could feel his heart racing.

“Well, yeah. I meant you would be inviting me over as something… not platonic.” Dee chuckled nervously. Surely Roman wasn’t proposing that they should sleep together? Dee might not be a very conservative man but even then, that would be moving far too quickly for them both.

“I am,” Roman admitted.

“You’re what?” Dee clarified, incapable of comprehending what was happening.

“I am Inviting you to stay the night as something more than friends,” Roman admitted, meeting his eyes expectantly.

“Y-you’re drunk,” Deceit stated in denial.

“I’m not,” Roman laughed. “I haven’t had a single drop of alcohol.”

“Then what's that?” Dee scoffed, pointing at the red and white drink in front of the larger man.

Roman glanced down at his drink and chuckled. “Ginger Ale and cherry syrup.”

“Then I’m drunk,” Dee rushed, face heating further, unable to believe this was happening.

“Liar,” Roman laughed. “I heard you order a jackless coke.”

Dee tensed as the man called him out. How did Roman always see through him so easily?

“Listen, Dee,” the larger man sighed, inching closer so that their knees brushed against one another and Dee could feel the heat coming off him in waves. “If you want to say ‘no’, that’s fine. I won’t push. I’m nothing if not a gentleman,” he offered, giving one of his charming smiles. “But I really care about you. I have for a long time and I think… I might be wrong but… I think the feeling is mutual.”

Dee glanced up at the man on stage, trying to avoid eye contact with his best friend’s brother.

‘Baby, I’ll be paving the runway, ‘Cause I know that one day you’re gonna fly, I know that one day you’re gonna fly’

He couldn’t believe this was happening.

“So, come home with me. We can stay up all night and just… talk. Maybe you’ll let me do your makeup?” Roman offered, a hand reaching up to cup Dee’s scarred cheek. Dee could feel the oils from the other man’s skin smudging the concealer he had applied there.

“My makeup?” Dee asked lamely, still stunned.

“Yeah,” Roman replied with a soft sigh as the guy on stage finished up. “You always use so much, but you really don’t need it.”

“I don’t?”

“No, Dee.” Roman’s gaze softened as it lifted to meat Dee’s. “You don’t. I think your scars are beautiful.”

“You do?”

“Without a doubt,” Roman nodded, giving another grin as he felt the other man lean forward. “It makes you, you, and there is nothing I have ever found more beautiful.”

“R-really?”

“Really,” Roman chuckled, leaning in as well.

“Roman, I-” Dee tried, fumbling over himself. “The way I feel about you… I’ve always-”

“I know,” Roman chuckled. “You’re pretty obvious.”

“I am not!” Dee argued, straightening.

“Liar!” Roman laughed again before he finally closed the space between them pressing a quick chaste kiss on the other man’s lips.

Dee blinked in surprise, unmoving, unsure of what just happened. Roman had kissed him! Roman Prince, the man of his dreams just kissed him! The same man he had had a ridiculous crush since his childhood had just-

“Grandma’s choking on a lozenge!” Remus cried, jerking up right in his haste and making his two companions jump.

They glanced back at the inebriated individual currently glancing about as he tried to get his bearings before they both burst into laughter.

“Why don’t we focus on getting your brother home, first?” Dee offered, “Then we can talk about everything else. Deal?”

“Deal,” Roman nodded, pushing to his feet and moving to collect his now fumbling twin.

Dee watched as Roman pulled his brother’s arm over his shoulders and helped him up. He couldn’t help but smile at the scene. Remus was going to hate himself tomorrow. Dee on the other hand had the feeling that wouldn’t be the case for him.

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unohanadaydreams · 4 years

Note

hey, hope you’re well! i was just wondering if you had any advice on anyone trying to start a writing blog? I want to but I’m nervous. thank you so much

Heya, anon!

The best advice I can really give is to simply make one! If you like to write, want to practice writing more, or want to create for fandom(s), or all of the above, there’s no better time than now--when you’re feeling the urge to.

Personally, this blog started so I could get back into writing that wasn’t analytical or academic and I chose Bleach because my attachment to aspects of the story and characters has endured for a really long time.

As long as you’re writing for fandom(s) that you genuinely enjoy and writing is something that you like to do, then there’s no reason NOT to.

Now that the Just Do It! speech is done uuuh here’s some Advice I can think of:

1. Make your rules and master list from the very beginning. Get your blog organized from the jump instead of spending 5+ hours getting it sorted down the line. Don’t be like me, anon. Do not procrastinate on this.

2. Write for characters and/or a fandom(s) you enjoy! Don’t feel obligated to only write for things that are the most popular; that’s a great way to burn out. It’s always nice exploring what the majority prefers, but never feel like you need to make that the priority. [For instance, Byakuya is really popular in the Bleach fandom over all, but you know what? Mayuri polled just as high when I polled my blog to see who people liked to see content for. If you enjoy making content for certain characters, chances are other people will too!]

3. You don’t have to answer every request and you don’t need to release content at anyone’s pace but your own! Unless you’re taking commissions, a writing blog is a hobby and it’s for your enjoyment and fun. You can update as much or as little as you personally want.

4. Don’t feel pressured to make your blog a certain way. There are imagines/request blogs who don’t do headcanons, who only do headcanons, who only do drabbles, who only do one-shots, who only do fanfictions, some do all of the above or a mix. Feel free to experiment and find what you enjoy the most.

5. Start off your blog with content! This one is pretty important, I think. Make some imagines, whether they be headcanons or scenarios or what have you, to show people what your writing’s like. Do ones that you enjoy or that show off a range of characters; it’s all up to you!

6. Tags are important. The first 4 or 5 are the most likely to hit tumblr’s tagging system. Tag the characters full names. Tag the fandom name (with Bleach this is easy, with fandoms like bnha that has multiple, pick which ones work for you). Tag if it’s nsfw (without tagging it that. Use a different word like smut or use the citrus rating). Tagging character x reader might help as well.

7. Finally, don’t be so discouraged if you aren’t getting a lot of feedback/notes that you feel the need to quit. This is why I think it’s important you have a personal reason for having a writing blog or a lack of care towards notes--especially if you’re writing smut content. Tumblr isn’t the greatest place for validation/attention. I mean, I follow some blogs with almost 10k followers and they can struggle to get 500 notes let alone 1k--and it isn’t that these blogs are old as a lot of them were created just last year. This counts even more if you’re going to be writing for fandom(s) with smaller active fan bases.

8. Can not emphasize how much you should be having fun. Writing is a hobby. Certainly, there’s practice and work involved if you’d like to improve, but a writing blog should be an outlet where you can do those things in a more fun way.

#mars speaks #i mean i don't have a TON of advice because i started this blog like a heathen #im just messy lmao

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atelophobicity · 4 years

Text

Top 10 Things You Shouldn’t Do If You Want to Finish Your Thesis On Time

It’s my entry for September! I’ve been busy in consuming new music, films, and kvariety episodes in my effort to catch up on everything. So, I decided to post monthly to fulfill my oversharing Tumblr needs and to exercise my skills in writing in English and putting thoughts into coherent words.

TL;DR of this: things I’ve done instead of doing my thesis for the past year and a half. I’m not romanticizing my not doing thesis self for the past 21 months, but I’m also not dissuading you from doing other stuff besides thesis because god knows, you will need something.

1. Got a part-time job. This was the first new thing I’ve done that really took my time and effectively gave me no time to do thesis. And yet, this was the most rewarding thing as I learned how to get my TIN, accomplish my deliverables, answer to my superiors etc. Looking back, I wasn’t the best employee and I deserved no job offers on the same company after. But still, it was a stepping stone in the right direction. Adulting-wise, anyway.

2. Discover the art of creating.

Journal spreads. I bought a 2019 planner and I couldn’t fill it up, so I decided to turn it into a journal-planner. The art materials I used for to design pages are from old supplies bought back when I was in high school or stickers from the fandom-related events I attended. I didn’t spend money and I was given a chance to be creative.

Sew doll clothes. In K-pop, dolls that look like your idol exists. It usually comes with one set of clothes to dress it. As a “doll mother”, I wanted to dress them with new clothes but buying clothes was expensive. So, I just sewed clothes for them. I made clothes from scrap fabrics or clothes no one wears in our household. I’ve been barely successful, but it’s one of the things that keep me happy and make me feel like I’ve succeeded in one measly part of my life.

3. Purged my online files.

From my high school files. Nostalgia has been one of my coping mechanisms. I was able to be provided by lots of it when I discovered that I didn’t lose my high school files and it was on my mom’s laptop all along. Being able to relive memories while organizing my files was the best hours of that day.

To my external hard drives. Since 2016, I have been a hoarder of online files for so long that I have two EHDs to prove it. This time though, I was able to delete content that was either repetitive or uninteresting anymore. I was able to shave off some of my data bytes and am now able to save new interesting content available online (if I ever find one).

4. Realigned my priorities and consumption of K-pop as a stan and as a person by:

Selling 3/4 of my merch. Unlearning the pride that comes with owning K-pop merch was difficult, but overtime, I have been proud of myself for not falling to the traps of capitalism—at least in K-pop. Also! I was able to buy my own concert tickets with the stuff I sold so it is a win!

Joining giveaways instead. No matter how I can avoid the urge to buy K-pop merch, I still can’t help but want to own them. This is where I discovered how joining giveaways was my next best option. It takes a lot of effort and screenshots to win these things. However, if and when you win, it really feels like winning against the odds. You get free merch too!

Actually spent hours to vote and stream. In relation to the last point, since the main requirement in giveaways I’ve joined are voting/streaming proofs, I have been one of those people who collects points on voting apps or has a playlist of music videos that should be streamed. After collecting and/or streaming, I take screenshots, put watermarks there, and tags mutuals if needed. It’s relatively hard work but there’s a feeling of pride when your idol wins the poll or an MV reaches a certain amount of views and you know you participated in making that happen.

5. Rediscover Youtube. Channels like the vlogbrothers and their associates (Crash Course, Pemberley Digital among others), Buzzfeed’s shows (The Try Guys, Ladylike, Buzzfeed Unsolved) were a delight to watch after being out of the Youtube loop for so long. The platform also offered new niches of content and I allowed myself to be sucked in it. From Simply Nailogical to Ask A Mortician to amazing pop culture video essays like Lindsay Ellis and Jenny Nicholson, Youtube has all it for you! Learning something new every day is one of my favorite things and I get to do it with this website.

6. Rediscover my love of writing. (As if I’ve written anything for my thesis but here.)

Made drabbles. There is a weekly activity on my fandom where we write < 500 word drabbles on any pairings. I have been joining when I can, and through the support of the (small) community (back then), I gained confidence to write one. I’ve written at least four now and I’ve not done yet because I’ve been on a slump lately. But I’ll get back to it soon!

Short story. The same account that brought the drabble challenge created a festival where we write a pairing and write a short story with it. I decided to join the event! Not going to lie, my entry was shit, It was the first draft, it needed a lot of revisions and more constructive criticism and yet, I am still proud of it. It was the first creative fiction I wrote since 2019 and I did it in a day. And, I believe it has potential, so I’m going to review and revise the hell out of it someday.

7. Reclaim my college days.

Reconnected with orgmates. Visiting Elbi for registration and consultation purposes are brightened up by the fact that I get to do this. My first four years of college were not kind to me. I’ve forgotten a lot of things because of trauma and deep sadness that I still have until this day, and when I remember good things, they’re few and far in between. The numbered days I was in Elbi during 2019 were also few and far in between, but they were infinitely better than my academic years from 2015 to 2017. I was able to do the things I wasn’t able to do before (mostly attending Happy Ts and eating in newly-opened food places there) and I get to do it with people I love.

Made friends. One of the drawbacks of being a slot-driven student with no care of my coursemates’ schedules: I didn’t get to establish a friend group. So I didn’t get to make friends. During this time, I’ve accepted that I didn’t have any friends outside my organizations. But this time, instead of a feeling of dread of being that cliché orgmate, I feel relief and happiness because now, I realize that I do have friends from college, unlike the 2015-2017 who didn’t have anyone in college to rely on her darkest times.

8. Appreciated my friends more. For the past few years, I was the shitty friend. I agreed to go on hangouts only to message them that I’m backing out the last minute—sometimes I even straight up ghosted them. I really took my friends for granted. I have been slowly making it up to them by always attending when there’s an invite! I sometimes initiate the invite and it’s always a fun and healing time for me (it was a literal healing time for me as I was depressed during that time). I love them and I’m always thankful for them—and more so now than before.

9. Unlearning things like:

Realizing that a priv (a private account meant to be seen by your mutuals you trust; usually contains unpopular opinions and hot takes on stan twitter) only encourages negative emotions and I must not do it again.

No matter how I tried rationalizing my hate for Jennie when the JenKai dating news happened, I was one of those K-pop stans who hated her because she dated my idol. (I have moved on past that and have started liking her and Rose.)

Knowing that attacking people for what they say won’t make them unlearn their wrong opinions. Not talking down at them and educating with patience is the key, always.

There are still so much more I unlearned and learned where those came from. My main takeaway is: it’s complicated. Sometimes our opinion needs a more nuanced perspective and sometimes it needs to scrapped entirely because it was just wrong. But it is essential so we, as people, won’t be stuck with outdated views of the world.

10. Learning something new like:

Practicing how to do Tzuyu’s helicopter hands until I realized it wasn’t meant for me.

Utilizing Omegle to look for potential quaranflings.

Installing Telegram and uninstalling to ghost quaranflings.

How to do laundry in compliance with my mother’s preferences.

Doing two things at once.

Enough patience to take time and read the laws our government makes every day to know what I’m fighting against.

Optimizing my Twitter lists and now I can keep up with current affairs (that takes a toll on my mental health) then scroll through a fic fest-centric list the next (that helps me forget the stress from reading news).

Learning something new every day has become one of my life goals. Knowing that the world always has something new to offer to me, a speck in this universe, warms me up and keeps me going. And you’ll never know where the new tidbits will lead you. Maybe it’ll help you reconnect with something you’ve known before, maybe it’ll change how you see things, or maybe it’s something new that once explored, it will contribute something new to the community. It may seem small and unimportant but with a tweak in perspective, it might be something worth doing and pursuing.

Looking back at my list, I can finally see how if I didn’t do all these things, I would have probably finished my thesis by now and probably working a full-time job, able to provide the financial needs for my family. There will always be regret that I am still not done until now. But stressing over my current predicament in this time when the world is in its most stressful state yet won’t help me. So, we soldier on and hopefully, hopefully get back to the thesis I’ve been meaning to do.

Let’s get it.

#2020 diary

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