#this one is actually real my brain does not stop talking ever so everything feels like this all the time

[unorcadox]

"an average day in my mind" or, "reasons to meditate."

[piplupod]

every day i see people talking about things that I simply do not understand no matter how much I look into it and think about it and try to figure it out. i cannot tell if it's brainfog and fatigue or if I'm just ,,,, incapable of being intelligent enough for it all :[

[munsonkitten]

It starts small.

Steve buys Eddie a handful of cassettes after the whole Upside Down business. Drops them unceremoniously in Eddie’s lap while Eddie’s laid up in the hospital. Eddie pulls them all out of the plastic bag and lays them out in his lap while Steve stands a few feet away, arms crossed protectively over his torn up middle.

“I got things on your vest,” Steve says as Eddie takes in the titles. “I figured everything in your room’s probably gone now, but I still have your vest, and I’ll — I’ll give it back. When you get out of here. It’s safe in my room. But, just — yeah, the tapes are things you have on it.”

Dio’s The Last in Line, Motorhead’s Ace of Spades, Metallica’s Ride the Lightning, Judas Priest’s Screaming for Vengeance, and WASP’s self-titled album.

“I almost bought you more, but I wasn’t sure what else, and I don’t know much about your music, so I just got those. I was going to bring you my Walkman, but I couldn’t find it,” Steve says. “I think one of the kids borrowed it and never gave it back, actually.”

Eddie still hasn’t said anything yet. He’s still taking in the gift in his lap, can’t even comprehend that Steve wanted to give him more.

“Uh,” Eddie says, trying to get his brain working again. “Yeah. Man. Fuck, dude. Thanks. Seriously. Don’t worry about the Walkman, really. This is nice, Harrington.”

“Yeah, no problem, Munson,” Steve says softly. He goes and sits in one of the chairs in Eddie’s hospital room, and stays there until the kids come running from Max’s overcrowded room to ask for a ride home.

Eddie lays there with his tapes spread out over his lap, and he finds himself smiling down at them. He doesn’t even have anything to listen to them on, but he thinks it might be the most thoughtful gift he’s ever gotten from anyone other than Wayne.

It’s nice, he thinks, that he might be becoming friends with Steve Harrington. It’s nice, he thinks, that even when they’re no longer fighting for their lives, Steve might want to stick around.

He didn’t expect that.

Eddie’s in the hospital for two weeks, and Steve stops by almost every day. He sits for a while, sometimes they talk, sometimes they don’t. Sometimes Eddie wakes up and sees Steve sleeping in one of the uncomfortable hospital chairs. He doesn’t wake him, just smiles to himself because Steve’s tired, but he doesn’t want Eddie to be alone.

It’s been a while since Eddie’s had a friend the same age as him. Jeff and Grant are both two years younger than him, Gareth is four years, and Henderson, Wheeler, and Sinclair are all five or six years younger. He has friends, but Steve feels different, just a few months younger but already graduated. In a way, it makes Eddie feel younger, still being in high school and all.

He doesn’t really think that should matter, but it kind of does. All his younger friends look up to him, he’s always the one making plans and making sure everyone sticks to them, he’s the one in charge of it all — the older one. But when Steve’s around — Steve, with his real job, and high school diploma, and his nice car, and the brood of children he chases after, Steve, who’s an adult in all the ways Eddie himself feels like he’s not — Eddie feels like he can sit back and let someone else do all of that.

When Steve’s around, it feels like he has someone to care for him and look out for him the way he’s done for the others.

It starts to ease everything he’s carried for so long.

* * *

The next time Steve buys something for Eddie, it’s even smaller.

In fact, it’s so small that Eddie doesn’t even notice it at first because Steve was actually really sneaky about it. Eddie would almost find it cute, if he were allowed to think about Steve that way. He’s not, to be clear. It goes against his Munson Doctrine to have crushes on the jocks, rich kids, and straight boys, of which Steve is all three, but if he wasn’t, then yeah, Eddie would find it cute that Steve is sneaking him tiny gifts when he isn’t looking.

There’s a keychain on his van keys that he certainly didn’t get for himself. He notices it one day during a get together at Harrington’s house. Eddie just got out of the hospital a few days ago, and everyone insisted on throwing a party. Now kids are running around Steve’s backyard, yelling and hollering and trying not to fall in the freezing cold pool. It’s still too early in the spring to swim.

Even Max, barely out of the hospital herself, is being wheeled around in her wheelchair by nothing more than El’s mind powers.

It’s kind of fucking insane, to be honest.

But Eddie needs to go out to his car to get his pain meds because he’s really starting to feel the length of the day in his aching joints and healing wounds, so he grabs his keys off Steve’s counter where he left them, and that’s when he sees it.

A tiny metal bat dangling from his keys.

He knows it was Steve because Steve was the only one in the house when he got here and set his stuff down in the kitchen, and no one else has gone inside since Eddie found his way to the backyard, so of course it was Steve.

Eddie doesn’t mention it, just smiles to himself and runs his fingers over the pointed wings.

He sees Steve looking at him when he comes back into the kitchen. Eddie raises his hand and shakes his pill bottle at him, and without another word, Steve goes to the cupboard to get a glass that he fills with water.

Eddie sets his keys back down on the kitchen counter as Steve slides the glass of water over to him. Steve nods at the keys, and Eddie grins at him.

“Thank you,” Eddie says.

“I have a matching one,” Steve says, turning back toward the sink to look out the window above it. “Just, you know, because…”

He gestures at his torso, and then over at Eddie, and Eddie nods. He gets it.

It makes him feel a little bit closer to Steve. Even if Eddie isn’t allowed to crush on him, he’s happy to have someone who gets him. Who understands what he went through, and feels similar pain.

It’s like Steve’s saying You’re with me now, we’re connected, and you’re not getting rid of me.

Read on AO3

[theadorableapprentice]

Nightmare

MC x Solomon Warnings: Hurt/Comfort Word Count: 1709

A/N: The song is Nightmare by Set It Off. It's one of my favorite songs and made me think of Solomon awhile back. I'm glad I finally got to write this story. It took a different direction than I thought it would, but I still like how it turned out. I hope you enjoy!

They're coming, creeping from the corner

And all I know is that I don't feel safe

Solomon doesn't talk about his past much. You knew this. Of course you knew this. You’ve tried so many times to get Solomon to tell you stories from his life. He would brush off your requests with some cheeky one-liner and that was that. So, you didn’t get to know the real reason why he’s always on edge. “We’re humans in the Devildom, MC. Why wouldn’t I be?” That’s his response whenever you asked him about it. Nevermind that Solomon managed to beat Diavolo when he was mad and actively going for Solomon’s throat. Nevermind that he walked from the Human World all the way to the underworld and then back. Nevermind that he’s fought a war against the Devildom. 

The only thing that you really know is that Solomon doesn’t feel safe. You’re actually not sure if you’ve ever seen him truly relaxed. Sure he puts up this laid back facade, but you know him better than that. Which is why you’re not entirely shocked by the sight before you upon coming home.

I feel the tapping on my shoulder

I turn around in an alarming state

But am I losing my mind? I really think so

Not a creature in sight

Solomon whips around when he hears the door click, eyes wide with fear. He’s scared of something. You’re not sure what, but he is. 

“Sol… Is everything alright?”

“MC, I-” He cuts himself off and looks over your shoulder and then peers out the window.

But, what you don't know

Is that my breathing gets faster and so does my heartbeat

I wish this was over, I wish that this was a dream

He can feel his heartbeat speeding up. It’s getting hard for him to breathe. This hasn’t happened in awhile. He’s usually good at hiding these things from everyone. But not now, not from you. 

“MC, I don’t-” He closes his eyes and tries to take a deep breath. Anything to get this to stop. For things to go back to normal, where he could pretend everything was okay.

“Sol, look at me. Can you look at me?”

I created a monster, a hell within my head

With nowhere to go, I'm out on my own

Oh, I'm so scared

Solomon opens his eyes and there are tears forming. You’ve never seen him cry before. In fact, any vulnerability is a rare sight. It’s becoming more frequent, but the moments are few and far between.

“Here, now put your hand here,” You say, guiding his hand to your chest. “Take a deep breath with me. In.” You take a deep breath in and watch as Solomon tries to do the same. He shakes his head, unable to get a deep breath in. “That’s okay. Just keep your hand here. Can I try something?”

I created a monster, a beast inside my brain

With nowhere to go, I'm out on my own

My mind impaired

Awake me from my nightmare

Solomon nods, tears falling from his eyes. His voice cracks. “Please.”

You move your hands to his face and gently pull him until your foreheads are touching. Your thumbs lightly stroke his cheeks, wiping away the tears that have fallen. “Okay, I want you to close your eyes and focus on my voice. Can you do that for me?”

Solomon nods and closes his eyes. 

“Okay. I want you to think of the place you feel the safest. Think really hard about it. Do you have a place in mind?”

Solomon nods again, breathing slowing ever so slightly.

“Okay, can you describe it to me?” You ask.

“It’s your bedroom when we sleep together in there,” He responds. This makes your heart swell. The place he feels safest is with you.

“Can you tell me specific details? I want you to make this as real as possible in your mind.”

“The blankets are soft. It’s warm because you’re next to me, but it’s not too hot. The room is dark, except for the moonlight that comes through the window.” Solomon’s breathing is slowly returning to normal as he describes your room to you. 

When he finishes and his breathing returns to normal, you take him into a hug.

“Thank you, MC,” Solomon says, hugging you back. He buries his face in the crook of your neck and you feel tears starting to fall from his eyes.

“I’ll always be here for you Sol. Can you talk to me about what’s going on?”

Wait, something doesn't feel right

No, something seems wrong

And I've been feeling this way

For far too long

“I don’t even know where to start. There’s just so much.”

You slowly rub his back, hoping to comfort him even more. “How about you just tell me one thing. One thing that’s upsetting you.”

“Okay. I don’t feel safe, MC. Something feels wrong but I don’t know what it is. It’s like this feeling that something terrible is going to happen or that something is off.” 

“Solomon, you’ve lived a very long life. And I’m sure you have been through a lot of things that would traumatize most people. That’s going to have some lasting effects on you. Let me try something that works for me. Can you tell me what terrible thing you think is going to happen that has you so upset right now?”

“I’m scared I’m going to lose you again, MC. I’m scared that one day you’re going to go out and you won’t come back.”

Your heart breaks for him when you hear that. “Okay, let’s break this down. Why is that a realistic fear?”

“You’re a human in the Devildom. Most demons want to eat you.”

“Okay, and now, why is that fear unlikely to come true?”

“You’re a very capable magic user. And you have a lot of powerful beings watching over you.”

“I don’t think Diavolo would take very kindly to a demon trying to harm me, do you?”

Solomon lets out a tearful laugh. “No, probably not. Seeing him genuinely angry is a rare sight, but I know that whatever demon tried to hurt you would be in for a real bad time.”

“Okay, see? While there is always a chance I’ll get hurt, it’s very unlikely. I don’t think many demons are stupid enough to face the wrath of some of the most powerful beings in the three realms. Now, is there anything else that’s upsetting you?”

As my vision gets blurred, my skin's getting colder

Appearing young, while I'm growing older

I collapse to the floor and scream

"Can anybody save me from myself?"

“I feel trapped, MC. I stay at this physical age, but I grow older every year. Every so often I have to move around, pretending to be a new person. It’s hard to keep any human friends because they all grow older and I don’t. One day you’re going to grow old too. But I will always stay just like I am. Most people would kill to be immortal, but it just feels like a curse anymore.” More tears fall onto your shoulder.

“I can’t imagine how lonely that would be. But, I want you to remember that you do have friends. The brothers, for one. I mean, remember Asmo and Mammon fighting over what Asmo should get you for your birthday? They care about you. And, while I might not always be around, you still have me for quite awhile. And who knows, maybe I’ll stumble upon some ancient artifact that turns me immortal. With how things seem to work for me, that is a possibility.”

Walking to the ledge, I find myself looking down

Frozen still with fear, now I'm plunging to the ground

If only I knew how to fly

Then I could convince myself this isn't my time to die

Solomon laughs again. “Yeah, it is… But I wouldn’t wish immortality upon you MC. It’s truly not as great as it seems. It’s… It’s hell. You watch everything change around you as everyone you know and love grows old and dies. And then you have to start over somewhere else.”

“I have plenty of loved ones who aren’t going to grow old and die. You, for one.” You give him a comforting squeeze and continue to rub his back.

“Yeah, but what about your human family? What about your human friends? Watching the people you love die isn’t an easy thing.”

“No, but that’s a part of life. And I’m sure staying the same age while they get older is hard, but I have you guys. It wouldn’t all be bad. Getting to stay with you forever wouldn’t be bad.”

“Staying with you forever sounds nice… But I still wouldn’t wish this upon you. I don’t want you to turn into what I have.”

“What, a wonderful person who protects humanity? Someone who would do anything to help the ones he loves? That sounds like a pretty good person to me.”

“You have too high an opinion of me, MC.”

Instead, I'm rocketing faster and faster

I dive-bomb to the floor

And when my body crashes to the pavement

I'm right back where I was before

“No, I think my opinion of you is just right.”

Solomon lets out a shaky breath as a few more tears fall. “Everyone calls me shady, some even call me evil. Your opinion-”

You cut him off. “My opinion matters more than a bunch of demons who don’t actually know you. Have you done shady things? Sure. But don’t forget the ones calling you shady are literal demons. They don’t get an opinion when they’re worse than shady themselves. You’re doing great Sol. Despite what you and everyone else thinks, you’re doing great just how you are.”

I created a monster, a hell within my head

With nowhere to go, I'm out on my own

Oh, I'm so scared

Awake me from my nightmare

Solomon sniffles, pulling his face back up and wiping the rest of his tears. “Thank you, MC. I love you and I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

You smile at him. “I love you too Solomon.”

[1004tyun-archive]

❥ i love you. i want us both to eat well

✶ pairing: idol!taehyun x non idol! chubby reader

✶ summary: taehyun's coming to stay with you for the week and you feel it's time for a big change. but you don't realize it's an unneeded change until it's too late

✶ genres: angst, hurt/comfort with lots of smut at the end (as a treat!)

✶ warnings: reader has a bad relationship with food, intrusive thoughts, bulimia, negative self talk, brief mention of vomiting, mentions of weight, eating disorders, negative body image, praise kink, squirting, edging, face sitting, unprotected sex

✶ word count: 4.7k words

✶ a/n: i've noticed a general lack of chubby reader fics so i thought i'd do my part and write a hurt/comfort fic involving tyun ^_^ this was very comforting for me to write personally, but if any of the aforementioned warnings are triggering to you in any way, i don't recommend reading. i don't want any of you to get hurt or apply the very harmful things the reader does in this fic to your lives.

this fic is NOT endorsing disordered eating. i do not endorse nor support thinspo, body shaming, eating disorders, or hating your body, no matter your size. as a plus size person myself, i think it's important to love your body as it is and i hope this fic provides solace and comfort to those who have a bad relationship with food or their bodies. you're beautiful the way you are and i hope you're able to love your body the way taehyun loves your body in this fic <3

love you lots 🫶🏾 if you need anyone to talk to about this subject matter, my inbox and messages are always open x

It's a slow work day; slow, boring, and tedious.

And you're starving.

You forgot to bring your lunch with you so your measly meal of a granola bar and black coffee was nothing to write home about. You can't wait to get home and eat some real food while facetiming your lovely boyfriend.

On the way to your apartment complex, you see a gift shop with a TV playing compilations of idol dance challenges from Tiktok from the display window. You decided to stop and watch for a bit once you recognized one of the Taehyun's fellow group members. Sure enough, the next video that plays is one with Taehyun in it.

Oh, he looks so good. He's doing some kind of girl group dance with a couple of the group's members. The girls are dressed so cutely with perfectly manicured hair and nails and makeup. There's a voice in the back of your head that's saying things you don't want to hear, so you ignore it.

But with every step closer to your apartment, the voice grows louder and louder.

They look so much better with him than you ever could.

They're prettier and skinnier than you. You don't think you actually deserve him, do you?

He's probably cheating on you with one of those girls. Who could blame him? He's too good for you, you both know that.

There's a bad taste in your mouth by the time you get to your front door. Despite your brain doing everything it can to ruin your day, you decide to rummage through the fridge for some food anyway.

You're pretty good at keeping the fridge stocked when Taehyun isn't around, but as soon as you start assessing your options, your appetite starts to wane. You think back to those gorgeous female idols you saw on television, with their glamorous bodies.

Slender waists, rounded hips, lithe arms and legs, dainty hands, and long, silky hair.

You don’t look like that, you know you don’t.

But maybe you could if you tried a little harder.

Your phone ringing snaps you out of your spiraling thoughts. Seeing Taehyun on your phone screen immediately eases your pain.

"I saw you on TV today," you say.

"Oh yeah? Was I cool?"

"You were the coolest," you say with a smile.

"Did you eat?" he asks and your throat goes dry.

"Yeah, I went out to get something before I got home. Did you?"

"Mhm, I just got done eating dinner."

Taehyun looks a little antsy, like he wants to say something so you call him out on it.

"Everything okay?" you ask.

"Yeah, it's- Okay, I wanted to surprise you, but I can't keep it in. I finally have a break in my schedule so I'll be home all week starting next Sunday,"

"What? Baby, that's great news! I can't wait to finally see you. It's been too long! I mean, I know it's only been a week since we saw each other, but still!"

By the time you hang up, your heart is soaring. You get to stay with your boyfriend for a whole week! What sounds basic to some sounds like paradise to others, truly. The life of dating an idol is a very different world, to say the least.

You looked down at your stomach and frowned as you squeezed its flesh. You've put on some stress weight, no doubt about it. What would Taehyun think? Yes, you were chubby when he first met you and you're chubby now, but there's no doubt he would notice the weight you've put on recently.

He's going to be home in less than a week. What if he realizes he deserves better and he's been settling for you this whole time? Taehyun is a celebrity, he could have anyone he wants. So why you, of all people? You both know he could never go public with his relationship with you for privacy reasons, but maybe it wasn't just that.

Maybe he was ashamed to be seen with you.

As you go to bed later that night with an empty stomach, you recognize that something has to change.

So when the next morning comes, you decide to start with eating less and walking to work instead of taking public transit. You learned to appreciate the four mile walk there and back every day to appreciate the morning dew and the passing scenery as you listened to your favorite songs.

But it wasn’t enough. You weren’t losing weight quickly enough and the ideal version of yourself who lived in your head wasn’t matching your reflection in the mirror.

So you start going running every day after work. You run a couple of laps on the track at the community center near your workplace. You feel energized after working out so much, but damn, you're hungry. No matter how much your stomach growls, you wave off the voice telling you to eat and drink some cold water to satiate your hunger instead.

The next thing you know, it's D-Day. Taehyun is coming home tonight and you can't wait. You don't work weekends, but you keep up with your routine regardless. You walk to your workplace and then run your several laps around the track until you've sufficiently tired yourself out.

By the time you get home, you're able to shower, clean the apartment, and relax for a few hours.

You're watching a program about weight loss on your laptop when you get a call from Taehyun and immediately pick up.

“Me and the guys were thinking about getting dinner tonight. Wanna come?”

You're glad he can't see the discomfort on your face.

“No thanks, I’m swamped with work tonight.”

“Are you sure? We’re going to your favorite chicken place.”

“I’m sure, love. Thanks.”

“Okay, let me know if you want anything.”

It hurt a part of your soul to decline going to your favorite restaurant. You swear the savory, sweet and spicy crunch of that hot honey fried chicken had healing properties. But you have bigger things to worry about. You need to stay focused.

You fall asleep on the couch and startle awake when you hear the front door of your apartment clicking open.

“I’m home,” Taehyun calls from the entryway. His voice is followed by the sound of rustling plastic bags. You slide your laptop off your lap and give your boyfriend a quick kiss on the lips.

“Welcome home,” you say, then take a look at the plastic bags Taehyun is carrying in each hand. “What’s all this?”

“Some extras from dinner. I brought some stuff back for you, too.”

Your stomach twists. “Oh, honey you didn’t need to do that.”

“I never believe you when you don’t ask for anything,” he says with a laugh. “Anything you don’t finish you can take to work tomorrow.”

“Thank you,” you smile but you feel like you’re dying inside. Why does he have to be so considerate? As nice as the gesture is, you’re not eating a single bit. You swear to yourself that you won’t.

As delicious as that food looks and smells, successfully resisting temptation feels better than that food could ever taste.

You brush off the gurgling of your stomach as you go through your nighttime ablutions.

It’s 4:00 AM when your cravings become too strong to ignore. The growling of your stomach grows louder, unbearably so.

You turn your head to check on Taehyun, he’s still fast sleep. Maybe this was the perfect time to do what you wanted to do.

You sneak off to the kitchen, grab the cold paper boxes of food and arrange them on your small dining table. Smelling and looking at the food isn’t the same as eating it, you tell yourself. There’s nothing wrong with smelling or observing the food, as long as you don’t eat it.

This should be easy…

Shouldn't it?

You black out hours later and the first thing you’re faced with is a multitude of empty takeout boxes. Two boxes of fried chicken, a box of garlic fries, steamed rice, and two apple mango hand pies. Foods that are usually your favorites yet all you could do was panic.

You start hyperventilating and your vision blurs as you stumble to the bathroom and kneel in front of the toilet, shoving your index finger down your throat and trying your hardest to remove any of the food you ate. After reaching deep enough, you gag around your finger and vomit, bile stinging your throat and tears filling your eyes. You empty your stomach and vomit until nothing but stomach acid comes up, the metallic taste coating your mouth.

"Y/N?" Taehyun asks from behind the door. "Are you okay?"

A string of drool hangs from your bottom lip and you've never felt more repulsed by yourself until now.

"I'm fine, just a little sick."

"I'm coming in—"

"—No! No, I'm okay. Don't worry about me."

"Are you sure?"

"I'm fine, honey, really. I'll see you later tonight, okay?"

"Okay, see you tonight." You can hear the doubt in his voice. It pains you to lie to him like this, but you know this would upset him. You gather enough strength to drag yourself up from the bathroom floor and start getting ready for work.

That was a close call. There's no way you can let that happen again. The binging, the vomiting, having Taehyun worry about you, any of it. If you were planning on continuing this, you had to be discrete about it, even if it meant lying to your boyfriend's face.

So you decide to stop eating altogether.

And at first, you feel fine.

You're able to get through the work day by chewing gum or drinking cold water to keep yourself awake. When Taehyun comes home with food or cooks for the both of you, you lie and say you already ate at work or you're not hungry.

And you know Taehyun senses that something is wrong, but you can't tell him. You could never tell him.

This wasn't going the way you expected it to.

You wanted to enjoy coming home from work and have Taehyun play your househusband for the week, but by the time you get home every night, you're so exhausted. You fall asleep on the couch, sometimes even mid conversation, and you wake up hours later with a pounding headache and a blanket thrown over you, courtesy of your sweet boyfriend.

And by the end of the week, you hardly have the energy to even stand up in the shower.

"Have a good day at work today," Taehyun says and gives you a kiss on the forehead at the door. That on its own gives you enough energy to make it through today.

You cross the crowded street, feeling normal, albeit a bit tired.

And then, out of nowhere, you feel like someone pulled the plug on you.

The next thing you see is the blurry ceiling of a hospital room, nothing but beige and speckles. You gasp like you’ve just come up for air and look around. You're connected to an IV and a heart rate monitor and, out of the corner of your eyes, you see...

"Y/N!"

Taehyun rushes to your side, taking your hand in his. Your heart is pounding when you see him. He looks so worried. He must've been so afraid for you.

"Y/N, why? Why didn't you tell me something was wrong? Why'd you do this to yourself?" he asks, standing tears in his eyes. Your heart sinks. There's no way he doesn't know how you got here.

This wasn’t supposed to happen.

He wasn't supposed to find out.

You were supposed to silently starve yourself until you became beautiful. Not worry him like this.

You failed. Your throat goes dry, rendering you unable to speak.

You just sit there silently and sob.

You’re discharged the following afternoon. Taehyun doesn’t speak to you the entire ride home and you feel like utter shit for it.

As you step into your shared apartment and kick off your shoes in the entryway, you decide to finally break the silence.

“Taehyun, I’m so sorry. You weren’t supposed to find out about this—“

“—Why? Why wouldn’t you want me to find out? They told me you passed out in the middle of the street! You could’ve gotten hurt! What if something serious happened to you and I never found out?”

You stand there in silence, tears filling your eyes. He’s never sounded this upset with you in the nearly two years you’ve been together. You could feel your heart shattering.

“Why’d you stop eating?”

The gravity in Taehyun’s voice makes your stomach drop. You need to sit down for this one.

You walk to the couch in the living room and Taehyun follows, sitting next to you.

“I starved myself because I wanted to be beautiful,” you say.

“You are beautiful.”

“But that’s not all. I wanted to be good enough, good enough for you.”

Taehyun looks at you, brows knit in concern. He takes your hand in his.

“What made you think that? Did someone say something to you?”

“No, no one said anything. It was all me. I kept seeing all those beautiful, successful female celebrities on TV and I-I wondered if you even felt good being seen with me, so I thought that… maybe if I stopped eating, I would be better for you.”

You feel so ashamed by even admitting this and, when you’re able to finally look at Taehyun, he looks devastated, like you admitted the greatest of sins to him.

“I never want you to say that again,” he says, sounding deeply hurt. “There’s no way you could be any more better for me. You’re perfect, Y/N. I can’t imagine being with anyone else except you. I've never been ashamed to be seen with you. You know that, don't you?"

Taehyun cups your cheek with his hand and it takes everything for you to not burst into tears.

“Don’t you?” he repeats softly and that drives you over the edge. “You know there’s nothing you could do to make me ashamed of you, right?”

You cry and he wipes your tears away with the pads of his thumbs.

“Not even now?” you ask between sniffles.

“No, honey, not even now,” he leans in and kisses your cheeks. “I don’t want to lose a single ounce of you.”

He kisses your face all over and when he kisses you on the lips, you smile into it. This is the happiest you've been all week and the most relief you've felt in a while. You feel so embarrassed for the tears that continue to slide down your cheeks, but Taehyun just wipes them away and kisses you.

It's when he kisses your ear that you feel a sudden shift in the mood. He nibbles your earlobe and his lips drag down to kiss down your jaw. Your breath hitches and you hold back a moan.

"Don't hold back," he whispers into your ear. "Let me know how good I make you feel."

You sigh as you feel his lips move to your neck and he bites and licks the flesh, leaving a few hickies in his wake. You hold onto him tighter, the fabric of his shirt balled up in your fist.

Taehyun's hands move to your hips and before you know it, you're sitting on his lap, straddling him. You're a little hesitant, not putting all of your weight on him.

Taehyun grabs your hand and places it on the center of his chest. His heart is pounding against your palm and it causes your own heartbeat to quicken.

“Feel that? Only you can do that,” he says. He takes your hand and drags his down his body, down his toned chest, past his chiseled abs, all the way down to his cock, already halfway hard in his sweatpants.

“This is all you, too,” he whispers and your breath catches in your throat when you feel his cock twitch under your fingers.

“Oh my god…” you say, shuddered and breathless.

Taehyun grips your hips hard and pulls you down so your full weight is on him and you grind on his clothed bulge. He's never been this rough with you before, and it's giving you butterflies. You roll your hips and you revel in his hands roaming your thighs, your ass, and your waist.

You return to each other's lips like a magnet to metal. You drag your tongue across Taehyun's bottom lip and he parts his lips so you can slot your tongue into his mouth.

You pull away panting, your lips shimmering with spit. You squirm, wanting to say exactly how you feel but the words are stuck in your throat as you look upon your boyfriend, his hair tousled, lips glossy, and eyes dark.

"What is it, honey? Use your words," he says, looking deep into your eyes.

"I-I need you so badly, I can’t take it."

"Then let's tend to that need right now," he says with a smirk. You head to the bedroom and you're surprised when Taehyun pushes you onto the bed and hovers over you, drinking in every inch of your body.

"God, you're so beautiful," Taehyun says. "No one else gets to see this except me."

He peels off his clothes, down to his boxers and he slowly undresses you, peppering kisses all over your body. He presses a thumb to your now dampened panties and watches with sparkling eyes as he rolls your panties off of you.

"Wait, my turn," you grab at the waistband of his boxers and the corner of his lips turn up into a smirk.

"Be my guest," he says confidently. Your hands tremble a little bit as look down at his clothed cock. You notice a damp spot and that only serves to make you wetter. You slowly pull the boxers down past his thighs and his hardened cock springs free. He kicks his boxers off and immediately comes back down to the bed to kiss you, his cock resting against your soft stomach.

He slides his thick cock against your aching pussy and you shudder when you feel a vein rub against your clit.

“You’re so wet,” he whispers sweetly. “Can’t wait to be inside of you, honey... But before that, I need you to promise me something."

"Hm?"

"Promise me that you'll eat when you're hungry and take care of yourself."

You blink, confused at the sudden 180.

"What?" you ask. Suddenly, you're jolted by Taehyun slapping his cock against your clit with a wet thwack. Your back arches off the bed and your eyes widen.

“Promise me or I won’t fuck you.”

You gulp and you can feel yourself blushing all the way to the tips of your ears.

“I-I promise,” you say before Taehyun slaps his cock against your clit repeatedly, causing you to squirm and moan.

“Promise what?”

“I-I promise I’ll eat.”

“And?”

“I promise I’ll take care of myself,” you whimper. "I promise I'll treat myself better."

Taehyun gives you a cute, boyish smile.

"Good," he leans down to rest his forehead against yours and kiss you. You feel the head of his cock poke and rub against your entrance and you whine. He pushes into you and you gasp, grabbing onto his arms to steady yourself as he slowly enters you, inch by inch. You clench around him tightly and he sighs.

"You feel amazing," he groans. "You okay?"

"Mhm, feels so **good," you moan and Taehyun leans down to kiss you again. He buries himself deeper into you until he bottoms out and you wrap your legs around his torso, shuddering at the sensation of him buried so deep inside of you. He pulls out all the way then sinks all the way back in to fuck you at a fast, even pace. Your eyes roll back in pleasure, relishing just how full he makes you feel.

"Mmm, I-I'm close, 'm so close," you mewl, clenching hard around Taehyun's cock.

“Cum for me,” he breathily demands as he reaches down to play with your clit, pleasure shooting through your body like lightning.

Your orgasm rips through you like nothing you'd ever felt before. Taehyun is relentless, continuing to fuck you as you ride the waves of your orgasm.

"That's it, that's it," he coos. "So good, baby." He swipes his thumb against your clit quickly as he thrusts into you, urging you to cum again. You feel a different kind of pressure building in your lower stomach, one that you can't stop from releasing until it's already happened. The sheets underneath you are soaked and your entire body heats up as you realized what you've done.

"Wow," Taehyun says, astonished. "I've never seen you do that before. Fuck, you're so wet."

He mercilessly pistons in and out of you, sweet moans spilling from his mouth as he cums inside of you. He buries his face in your shoulder and you can feel his lips curl into a smile.

“Hear that?” he asks.

Through the haze of your post-orgasm, you can hear the sound of wet skin slapping against skin as Taehyun lazily ruts into you, rolling his hips against yours.

“So messy… you made such a big mess all over my cock,” he babbles, breathless and impressed. You’re shocked to feel his cock twitch inside of you when he says that.

Taehyun slowly pulls out of you and you whine, already missing the presence of his cock inside of you. He rolls over next to you so that you’re laying shoulder to shoulder on the bed.

You both take a moment to catch your breath, your breathing still ragged from just moments ago.

“Come here,” he says. “I want you to do that on my face next.”

“Taehyun!” you gasp. You don’t remember him being so filthy like this before. He’s had his flirty and handsy moments in the past, but those were nothing compared to this side of him.

He motions for you to come straddle him and you’re immediately seized with nervousness.

“Don’t be shy, love,” he says. “Or do I need to get you over here myself?”

“Okay, okay,” you prop yourself up on your elbows and slowly inch yourself closer toward Taehyun until you’re straddling his waist.

“Good girl, now put your thighs on either side of my chest.”

This is the first time he’s ever called you a good girl and honestly? You want him to say it a million more times. A tingle goes down your spine as you follow his instructions, maybe he should boss you around like this more often.

You feel more exposed than ever as you just barely hover over his face. You’ve never done anything in this position before, your heart is racing out of excitement and worry.

“Are you sure you’re okay with doing this?”

“Mhm,” Taehyun says. “I’ve been dreaming of doing this for a while now, actually.”

“But what if I hurt you? I don’t wanna put too much weight on you and—“

“—Y/N, you’re thinking too hard about this.”

“I know,” you say. You squeak when you feel Taehyun press a kiss to your pussy.

“Trust me,” he says softly and your heart melts. He reaches a hand up to play with your pussy, fingers gliding around your folds. “I wish you could see this. Everything about you is so pretty, Y/N.”

You could say the same thing about him. There’s something about seeing Taehyun lie there on his back, dark brown hair sticking to his forehead and his big, brown eyes made darker by his dilated pupils that made him look angelic.

“Lower yourself down on my face, good girl.”

Again with the good girl. Does he know he can make you do anything just by calling you that?

You take a deep breath and lower yourself down onto his face and your breathing becomes ragged the moment you feel the flat of his tongue against your pussy.

His hands come up to grip your thighs and hips. You bite your bottom lip to contain your moans as Taehyun goes to work on your pussy, tongue sliding in and around your folds and the ridge of his nose bumping against your clit. It feels so good, better than you ever could have imagined.

You feel his tongue slide into your pussy and your hands fly to the headboard, gripping tightly as you gasp and moan.

“Fuck, Taehyun…!” you exclaim. He moans against your pussy and the vibrations push you closer to the edge. As he makes out with your pussy from this position, it’s so impossible to hold back. You carefully grind yourself against his tongue and before you know it, you’re seeing stars as your back arches and you cum hard, thighs trembling and hips rocking back and forth at a steady rhythm as you ride out your orgasm.

“S-Sorry!” you stammer as you lift your hips to allow Taehyun to come up for air, but you’re shocked when he pulls your hips back down and gives your core a few long licks and swirls his tongue around your clit. Your thighs clench and you whimper from the overstimulation. When he finally taps your thighs to indicate that he’s done, you pull off of him, straddling his waist.

“You taste so fucking good, my love,” he mumbles, chest heaving as he looks at you with half lidded eyes and the bottom half of his face wet and shimmering from your juices. He looks so fucked out, like he was the one who was just eaten out like a man starved. “You put every fruit on this planet to shame.”

"Stop, you're making me blush," you say with a shy chuckle.

"Don't get shy now, you were just riding my face a few second ago." You both laugh and Taehyun sits up and rests his hands on your soft waist. He gives you the softest smile and looking up at you with those beautiful brown eyes and that's when it hits you.

You love this man, much more than words could ever describe.

You wrap your arms around his neck and bury your face in the crook of his neck.

"I love you," Taehyun whispers into your skin and holds you tighter. You melt into his embrace, never wanting to leave from his arms or this moment. You wish you could live in his arms.

It's not until both you and Taehyun's stomachs start growling that the moment is ruined. You pull away from the embrace and look at each other with wide eyes and erupt into laughter.

"Guess we should get something to eat, huh?" Taehyun asks.

"Yeah, I guess so," you say, still giggling.

"Why don't I go run us a bath and you order our meal for tonight?"

"Sounds good to me."

You part with a kiss and, even though he's just in the next room over, you're so overcome with love for him. You get teary eyed as you browse your go-to delivery app.

In that moment, you're so thankful for his love, thankful you have each other.

[perspectivestarters]

Perspective's Sentence Starters; The Tortured Poets Department by Taylor Swift (Part II)

GUILTY AS SIN?

I hadn't heard it in a while.

My boredom's bone deep.

This cage was once just fine.

Am I allowed to cry?

I dream of cracking locks.

Crashing into him tonight, he's a paradox.

I'm seeing visions.

Am I bad, or mad, or wise?

What if he's written "Mine" on my upper thigh only in my mind?

Oh, what a way to die.

I keep recalling things we never did.

Without ever touching his skin, how can I be guilty as sin?

There's no such thing as bad thoughts, only your actions talk.

We've already done it in my head.

Why does it feel like a vow we'll both uphold somehow?

What if I roll the stone away?

They're gonna crucify me anyway

What if the way you hold me is actually what's holy?

They don't know how you've haunted me so stunningly.

I choose you and me, religiously.

WHO'S AFRAID OF LITTLE OLD ME?

You don’t get to tell me about sad.

If you wanted me dead you should’ve just said.

Nothing makes me feel more alive.

Who’s afraid of little old me?

You don’t get to tell me you feel bad.

Is it a wonder I broke?

Let’s hear one morе joke.

Then we could all just laugh until I cry.

I was tame, I was gentle till the circus life made me mean.

Don’t you worry folks, we took out all her teeth.

So tell me everything is not about me, but what if it is?

Say they didn’t do it to hurt me, but what if they did?

I wanna snarl and show you just how disturbed this has made me.

You wouldn’t last an hour in the asylum where they raised me.

All you kids can sneak into my house with all the cobwebs.

I’m always drunk on my own tears, isn’t that what they all said?

I’ll sue you if you step on my lawn.

I’m fearsome, and I’m wretched and I’m wrong.

Put narcotics into all of my songs and that’s why you’re still singing along.

You lured me and you hurt me and you taught me.

You caged me and then you called me crazy.

I am what I am 'cause you trained me.

I CAN FIX HIM (NO REALLY I CAN)

The smoke cloud billows out his mouth like a freight train through a small town.

The jokes that he told across the bar were revolting and far too loud.

God, help her.

I told them he's my man

I can fix him, no, really, I can.

The dopamine races through his brain on a six-lane Texas highway.

His hands so calloused from his pistol softly traces hearts on my face.

I could see it from a mile away.

A perfect case for my certain skill set.

He had a halo of the highest gradе.

He just hadn't met me yеt.

Good boy, that's right.

Come close.

I'll show you Heaven if you'll be an angel, all mine.

Trust me, I can handle me a dangerous man.

LOML

Who's gonna stop us from waltzing back into rekindled flames?

We were just kids, babe.

I don't mind, it takes time.

I thought I was better safe than starry-eyed.

I felt a glow like this, never before and never since.

If you know it in one glimpse, it's legendary.

You said I'm the love of your life.

You took me to hell too.

A con man sells a fool a "get love quick" scheme.

I felt a hole like this, never before and ever since.

What we thought was for all time was momentary.

Mr. Steal-Your-Girl, then make her cry.

You shit-talked me under the table.

I wish I could unrecall how we almost had it all.

It was legendary.

It was momentary.

It was unnecessary.

Should've let it stay buried.

What a valiant roar.

What a bland goodbye.

The coward claimed he was a lion.

I'm combing through the braids of lies.

Our field of dreams engulfed in fire.

I'll still see until I die.

You're the loss of my life.

I CAN DO IT WITH A BROKEN HEART

I can read your mind.

She's having the time of her life.

I can show you lies.

I'm a real tough kid.

I can handle my shit.

They said, "Babe, you gotta fake it till you make it" And I did.

Lights, camera, bitch, smile.

He said he'd love me all his life.

All the piеces of me shatterеd as the crowd was chanting "More".

I was grinnin' like I'm winnin'.

I can do it with a broken heart.

I'm so depressed, I act like it's my birthday every day.

I'm so obsessed with him, but he avoids me like the plague.

I cry a lot, but I am so productive, it's an art.

You know you're good when you can even do it with a broken heart.

I can hold my breath.

I've been doing it since he left.

I keep finding his things in drawers.

I didn't imagine the whole thing.

'Cause I'm miserable and nobody even knows.

THE SMALLEST MAN WHO EVER LIVED

Was any of it true?

Who the fuck was that guy?.

Now you know what it feels like

I don't even want you back.

I don't miss what we had.

Could someone give a message to the smallest man who ever lived?

You didn't measure up in any measurе of a man

Were you sent by someone who wanted me dead?

Did you sleep with a gun underneath our bed?

Were you writing a book?

Were you a sleeper cell spy?

In fifty years will all this be declassified?

You'll confess why you did it and I'll say, "Good riddance".

It wasn't sexy once it wasn't forbidden.

I would've died for your sins, instead I just died inside.

You deserve prison, but you won't get time.

You said normal girls were "boring", but you were gone by the morning.

You kicked out the stage lights, but you're still performing.

You are what you did.

I'll forget you, but I'll never forgive.

THE ALCHEMY

This happens once every few lifetimes.

These chemicals hit me like white wine.

What if I told you I'm back?

The hospital was a drag.

Worst sleep that I ever had.

I circled you on a map.

I haven't come around in so long.

I'm coming back so strong.

Ditch the clowns, get the crown.

Baby, I'm the one to be.

The sign on your heart said it's still reserved for me.

Honestly, who are we to fight thе alchemy?.

Hey, you, what if I told you we'rе cool?

That child's play back in school is forgiven under my rule.

I'm making a comeback to where I belong

We've been on a winning streak.

There was no chance trying to be the greatest in the league.

He just comes, running over to me.

CLARA BOW

All your life, did you know, you'd be picked like a rose?

I'm not trying to exaggerate, but I think I might die if it happened to me.

No one in my small town thought I'd see the lights of Manhattan.

This town is fake but you're the real thing.

Take the glory, give everything.

Promise to be dazzling.

The crowd goes wild at her fingertips.

No one in my small town thought I'd meet these suits in LA.

You're the real queen.

You're the new god we're worshipping.

Beauty is a beast that roars down on all fours demanding more.

Only when your girlish glow flickers just so.

It's hell on earth to be heavenly.

Them's the brakes, they don't come gently.

You've got edge, she never did.

The future's bright, dazzling.

[jamneuromain]

Wishful Thinking Chpt. 8

Andy Barber x You (Reader), no use of Y/N

Alternate Universe - College AU

Summary: A new semester. A new task. A new boyfriend, your previous professor, Andy Barber. Everything seems to be going on the right track. So why didn't it?

Warning: Angst, possessive behavior, inappropriate teacher-student relationship, power imbalance, age difference, cheating, explicit language, TW: mention of assault and violence

A/N: This fic has some disturbing themes, and discusses potentially upsetting topics. Please read through the warning before engaging with the fic. As I have said, the fic has mentioned a number of (potentially) triggering and heavy topics, you don't have to engage further if you feel uncomfortable about one or more topics.

Wishful Thinking M. List Dancing in the Daydream M. List

Someone calls your name when you are gazing into your coffee.

“Oh hey, Marta, didn’t see you there.” You nod to Marta, noticing her presence before replying.

Marta looks a bit hesitant, “There’s an ‘Andy’ at the door, that says he’s your boyfriend and wants to talk.”

The image of Andy apologizing last time flashes into your memory briefly. You try your best to bury them back in your brain, forcing a smile, “Did you tell him that you’d come and get me?”

“No, silly.” Marta heads over to the fridge and closes the fridge door with a can of cherry soda in her hand, talking as if she’s proud of herself, “I said I just moved in and I don’t know my roommates yet. Said I’ll go check whether the person he’s talking about lives here. If you want him gone, I can tell him you moved out.” She adds very quickly, “Or call the cops.”

Her suggestion brings a smile to your lips.

As ridiculous as the suggestion sounds, you are grateful that Marta didn’t let slip that she knows who you are and where you are.

You leave your coffee mug on the kitchen table, “I’ll just … talk to him. Thank you, Marta.”

Marta slurps her soda, coughing when she has too big a gulp, “no-no problem!”

Every step you take, feels heavy on your heart.

You don’t want to talk to Andy. You want to stay in a confined dark little corner and cry your eyes out.

Yet you have no tears. And you have to be a grown-up and tell him, that you decide to break up with him.

End things. Once and for all.

See, although you like happy endings for stories, whether the ones you read or the ones you write, but you also know that fairytales don’t happen in real life, and there is no magic, nor some Gaston to miraculously help you solve whatever misunderstanding that lies between the two of you, and leading to a happily-ever-after end.

Not to mention, it’s not a misunderstanding.

Andy cheated.

He cheated on you when having a wife. Or another girlfriend. Or whatever Laurie Fucking Barber is.

Even if Laurie is lying about it, for your own safety, you wouldn’t want to be around Andy Barber, in case Laurie jumps out of nowhere and slaps you in the face again.

It is a reasonable decision.

The right decision.

But does your heart want it that way?

No.

Your heart drains every ounce of your strength, telling you to hold on to him, after such a terrible mess. Your heart rattles the cage you’ve custom made for it. Making loud noises, tearing you apart.

Your heart tells you what it wants. What you truly want.

You want him.

Which adds to the sadness and pity you feel about yourself.

A man that lied to you, hurt you, and refused to share with you about himself. So many red flags almost scream “RUN” and you successfully ignored all of them.

Love makes you blind. Love makes you foolish.

So you are going to stop loving him.

As hard as it sounds, you are certain time will take care of it.

It’s raining a little outside. Andy came to your door with his suit jacket damp and hair ruffled. He pants, but nothing can subdue the burning down his lungs for running from the parking spot to your place.

A thin line of smiling raise on the corner of his lips, before seeing you. Before actually looking at you. Before taking in your expressionless face and every sign of your body language that says “you are tired”.

And he certainly did not expect the first sentence that you say is a line for break-up.

“We’re done, Andy.”

Maybe he expected it a little, when he pictures Laurie hitting you. Leaving you scared on the floor. Maybe Laurie hit you so hard that you fall to the ground. Maybe you are devastated. Maybe you cried.

Now that seeing you without tears. Without sobbing and sniffing. A dark voice in his head tells him that you want him for the sex, not for the trouble.

Deep down, he knows any reasonable person in your position would be asking for a break-up. However, the demonic voice nags him into doubting. Into suspecting that you are not feeling a thing.

He’s a horrible person. Andy suddenly realizes when the dark thoughts creep inside his head. And he’s hoping you would be as horrible as he is so that he wouldn’t feel half the guilt he has right now for not telling you about Laurie.

He could do nothing than utter a few words. Words, pale and weak. The words almost every cheated man would come home and tell his wife, “Let me explain…”

“There’s nothing to explain about.” You shake your head.

Is that disappointment? Or just boredom? Andy isn’t sure.

A chilling spark runs up his spine. He has to do something. This, Andy is sure. He knows he either do something right now, or he could lose you forever.

“I’m divorcing her. It started six months ago.” It was five but who cares at this point, “She’s been holding a grudge. It was before we met and knew each other, I swear.”

Forget the “not speak ill of your ex” rule. Andy could speak a lot of ill about Laurie. Only that he did not choose to. For one, he didn’t want you to think he’s the type who will criticize his past partner. For another, he is ashamed to admit Laurie. Laurie, as his wife, cheated. Resulting in a huge dent in his self-esteem. He was afraid you would think there’s something wrong with him. That caused Laurie to flee.

He wouldn’t want that.

You’ve heard of husbands starting to date other women before the divorce got finalized. It wasn’t against the law. Nor was it morally incorrect. You didn’t think the same would happen to you. Simple as that.

“You could’ve…” Emphasizing on “could”. “Could’ve told me. Could’ve shared. Hinted, even. About …this. About Laurie.” You whisper in a small voice. Your eyes avoiding his determined gaze. Your gut tells you he’s lying, again. Or your paranoia. You can’t distinguish one from another these days.

“Please. I’m sorry. I fucked up. I know I did. Please-”

Don’t leave him.

“I’m sorry, Andy.”

You are not some puppy who will run back to its master on first call. This isn’t who you are. You expect a relationship, a functional one.

Whatever this is, it isn’t functional.

“We’ve been dating for two, three months now,” you state the obvious, “You know everything about me. About what I eat, what I don’t. You know I prefer drinks more than water. You know I’m deciding about whether to look for a job or continue my studies. You even know the scar on my arm was because of an accident.”

“I-” Andy looks as if he is about to interrupt.

“And I know nothing about you.” Which was fine, at the start. You thought you could ease into things. Get him to open up, little by little. You don’t mind sharing about yourself. You have some issues, of course, that you would rather keep to yourself and work them out. The real problem is, Andy never shares anything. “You seem to go to the gym a lot. You like scheduling. You like having order and control.”

“That’s something about me.” Andy wants to explain.

“Really?” You toss the question back to him, “I don’t know your favorite exercise. Do you swim because there’s an aquatics center within walking distance? Or you like swimming? Or you swim just to keep fit?”

His words grow weaker by the second.

“Why you like having order?” You bring up another question, “I’ve told you before that I like my care-free lifestyle and procrastination because of my inability to make decisions. I’ve told you about my writing. And when I asked you about your writing when you were a teen, what did you say?”

His memory clicks, retracing a dinner date from a month ago.

“I said-” Andy closes his eyes for a brief second, almost painfully, repeating his words, “I wrote some.”

“Some.” You recite, “and then you asked me about something else.”

“I’m sorry. I understand you’re upset.” Those words fly out of his mouth. His apologies are bland. Robotic. He couldn’t find better words. He didn’t know where to start.

Almost everytime, every date. She would try to get to know him more, and only resulted in him knowing her more. As if putting out a question, to him, is similar to a shield, blocking him from her interest.

Your nails dig into the palm of your hands. You are way more than upset. Crossing your arm, you remain stoic, “This isn’t working. You and me. Just leave, Andy. It’s over.”

“You’re mine-” He sounds fragile, hurting, on the verge of shattering, “you promised. You said that. You promised.”

“I promised you nothing.”

You promised him everything. You promised him… you. You entrusted your heart and your soul with him and now this?

“It’s over. We are over, Andy.”

“No.”

For a moment, your brain isn’t able to process that Andy, the kind, gentle, sweet Andy, actually said “no” to your breakup.

“Excuse me?” You narrow your eyes, looking at the man whose head is hanging. An invisible dark mist pulls into a swirl behind his back, almost as if some ridiculous comic book.

Andy raises his head and repeats, “No.”

He’s not going to let you ruin the possibility of “you”. He’s not going to let you get away too.

“I said no.” He has one hand on the door frame. Knuckles white. Clutching the wooden piece. His tone has never been firmer than he is now, “I’m not allowing it. I’m not letting you choose the ‘easy’ choice just because it’s the way you deem appropriate. Because you chickened out.”

“Ex-fucking-cuse me??”

Oh. Maybe he shouldn’t have said that last one. But pure blinding rage covers his mind and his body. As soon as his lips part, some more escape his mouth with ease, “You're just like everyone else who walked away from me when things got tough. I guess you're no different, scaredy cat."

“Andrew Barber!” You shriek, “I’m not the one withholding a damn WIFE! And I’m fucking breaking up with you! You prick!”

He couldn’t stop himself, “Sure. Because you’re perfectly capable of making decisions on your own.”

Words turn into sharp knives. It hurts to be mean. Though he feels like a big boulder getting off his chest when he watches tears gathering in your eyes. Sad tears? Angry tears? Doesn’t really matter.

“The hell do you mean?”

He shrugs, “Like I'm not the one who recommended you to apply for internship. Like I’m not the one who pulls the strings to make sure you get in. Like I'm not the one who helps arrange your life into shape. Like you don't need anyone to help you - you fake it, sweetheart, you pretend you're strong but you're not. You need – I know what you need. You need control, you need someone else to have control over you so you can hide behind a rock and be worry-free about not needing to take responsibility for your life. Wakey wakey, sunshine,” his tone turns mocking, “You are a grown-ass woman and you are afraid to act like one. Good luck at finding someone who’s willing to put your life into one-piece.”

This was how it was supposed to go.

Him breaking your heart. Stomping on it. You cry and leave.

A giant hole ripped open in the middle of his heart. Crawling with ice. He instantly feels good about making you cry. He is sorry about being mean. However, if this could hurt you, he would say it again. To make you feel something. Feel his wrath and his frustration.

But leaving. That’s what you all do. He only helps speed up the process.

He’s all alone again. He soon will be.

“Go to Hell, Barber.” With a final word, you slam the door in his face.

“Yeah well, you’ll beat me to it!” He yells back.

That’s what he deserves. Andy agrees in silence, looking at the concrete ground.

And now he’s alone again.

Taglist: @geminiflanagansblog@wintasssoldier@sapphire-rogers@nouk1998@sarahdonald87

[electricbluebutterflies]

“did you ever stop and think that maybe just maybe the person you’re looking for is me?” + eddie/chrissy

PG-ish and also on ao3. I haven't written these little bbys in a hot minute and I missed them.

Chrissy floats, after.

It makes an amount of sense. Something happened – she’s still not totally sure what happened – and she spent the end of senior year in the hospital, and now-

She’s not sure who she is anymore, but nothing will ever be the same.

No one from her old life wants to talk to her that summer, she knows that much. The circumstances of the incident are too damning, and she can’t say she blames them, but also screw them all, and-

At least she has the boy who was there when it happened. The boy who most of the nurses thought was her boyfriend, apparently, and she’s pieced together bits of what happened when her consciousness wasn’t reliable and it’s all so sweet and-

Boys like that don’t actually fall in love with girls like her. Chrissy knows how the world works better than that. She’s a little uncertain of herself right now but she can’t imagine she’ll stray too far from what she’s been, whereas he’s…

If she admits to herself that she’s had a secret crush for a couple years, that makes it worse, but she’s ignoring the issue there.

Regardless, there’s also the thing where Eddie is one of the few people in her life who doesn’t treat her weird now, and if anything he’s just… decided to stay present, probably out of some weird sense of obligation but whatever. Chrissy is a little too desperate to question this, and it’s nice to have someone go out of their way for her, ask her to meet him in safe neutral places and they just talk and-

He’s midway through one of his big daydream tangents, mid-afternoon at the overgrown park that’s becoming their spot, and she could listen to him for hours and she has so often and-

Summer is almost over. She’s almost stable enough to start trying to have a normal life again, and she thinks she’d be a decent receptionist since there’s no way she’s going away for college now that she’s fragile, and she doesn’t know what he’s doing and it doesn’t seem like he knows what he’s doing either, and she feels like they’re running out of time, and-

“Did you ever stop and think that maybe, just maybe, the person you’re looking for is me?”

She broke him. That’s her first thought. Eddie Munson, infamous for having no idea when to shut up (among other things), is currently looking at her like some wire got snipped in his brain and-

“Is that… an option?”

She’d kiss him if she thought that’d get her anywhere, and she thinks she’d like kissing him, he wouldn’t be weird about it like other boys, but it would be too soon and sudden and Chrissy has spent most of her life being told not to be that way and-

“Do you want it to be?”

“Weird enough you even hang out with me, so…”

Chrissy laughs, and she knows he thinks she’s extra-cute when she does that and it’s not the point and it’s entirely the point, and-

“You saved my life. Isn’t that already the most fairytale thing you’ve ever heard?”

“You don’t owe me-“

“I know. But it got me thinking about what I want, and… you’re sweet to me, you’re a good person…”

“You really-“

Okay, now she needs to kiss him. She does, most of her body leaning across the picnic table, and it’s awkward in the way that first kisses are always awkward but also fluttery like she’s never really had before and-

“I want that,” she says like it’s the most real thing in the world. “And we can figure out everything else later, and-“

“Okay if I move over there so we can hold hands?”

“Yeah. Please.”

[forestmossling]

okay, so. i have a lot of complicated feelings about this fic.

first of all, mike wheeler pov?? in this economy??? the thing about me is that i Do Not like mike wheeler. not in a way that i actually hate him, think he’s horrible and disgusting and doesn’t have a right to exist, but just in general he rubs me the wrong way. he’s just so obviously a work in progress in canon and the progress is not going very well. and he’s so twisted up about literally everything, half the time he doesn’t know what he’s doing or doesn’t care to stop and actually think about what he’s doing. he’s so deeply realistic, to the point of being uncomfortable. i want to say i can’t relate to him in any way and that’s why i’m kinda iffy about him, but the truth is that if i wasn’t so afraid of examining it i would probably find a concerning amount of similarities between us, and they won’t be the good ones, so i just vaguely dislike him to avoid looking at this any closer. that’s how i feel about both wheelers, really.

so i started reading it ready to spring out any moment, but ultimately, i stayed. and the first thing i thought was “okay, i now see that i will never ever be able to ship mileven because i literally cannot imagine them being together as adults. this just feels so wrong” (and thankfully, the author seems to think the same way). but then we got the steddie family and OH MY GOD. i love this. i looooooove this. i love them.

i generally admire any well-written ocs, but the ones by @keycarabiner just capture my soul in a very specific way. and all the kids are just so perfect and real i want to meet all of them and just stare at them like they’re really cool bugs (except maybe not because i don’t actually like bugs, but you get me). i don’t even know what else to say about their family because it’s just so them i can’t really put it into words. like yeah, we all talk big time about steve having a bunch of kids in the future and being an amazing dad, but here it’s actually written, clear and visible and vaguely canon-adjacent, something the actual steve harrington without any convoluted aus would have been able to have. and that just makes me feel an overwhelming amount of very painful, beautiful things.

(and i’m not trying to take the spotlight off eddie with this, because it’s just as much of a his family as steve’s, and it’s his dream too (at least in fanon), but we only get steve openly talking about wanting a family like this so it’s explored a lot more, and i did read quite a few of fics like this, but i’ve never seen anything like the steddie family in this)

it actually physically hurt me to read about mike and el reuniting with steddie after ten years, about them trying to find some hesitant footing on uneven ground with people they barely know anymore while still knowing them more than anyone else outside of the ragtag upside down crew can imagine.

(also, that silent tension between mike and will without mike even realizing what exactly was going on was soooo well-written it felt like a knife twisting in my chest)

but it also felt so real and healing to see them reconnect. and especially to see mike finally getting on track to figuring himself out. like. i can’t even express how freeing it was to read mike and el’s conversation in the end. because i wasn’t feeling uncomfortable reading this fic because there’s something wrong with it, but because that’s what mike was feeling like all throughout the story. and i went through that cathartic relief of not exactly finding a direction, but more like stopping to hold on so tightly onto the wrong one, right alongside him. and that was just really great.

i guess the character from stranger things that i don’t like the most does remind me of myself quite a lot. that probably says a lot more about me than i would like to admit.

anyway, this fic rewired, scrambled and melted my brain into a very confused soup that started gaining self-awareness, so, yeah. i don’t even know if i’m really recommending it or just using it as an excuse to ramble, but shit that can wreck your head about yourself like that is one in a billion, so probably go check this out. i promise i’m not as enthusiastic about this fic by @keycarabiner as i am about their other ones because it makes me realize weird things about myself i prefer to ignore, not because it’s not amazing, wonderful and absolutely soul-reviving.

[sortofanobsession]

Unedited RoyJamie Preview anyone?

Roy makes his way to the treatment room and waves off the med team. So it is just him and Jamie.

“Alright, Tartt, fucking out with it,” Roy says. Arms crossed over his chest like he's trying to keep how worried he'd been growing inside his chest.

“Think I already did on the pitch,” Jamie winces.

Roy let's out a litany of curses before he sighs.

“We both know that isn't what I fucking meant,” Roy tries to keep it together because he knows Jamie's history. He knows his about Jamie's father. But Jamie isn't helping himself here, so.

Roy is going to have to be the one to do it. “Tartt, I need to know what is going on with you, because this isn't the Jamie Tartt I know. And I don't fucking like it one bit.”

The way Jamie sinks deeper into himself has Roy quickly adding. “You fucking dying or something? You're fucking freaking me out, Tartt.”

“I’m not dying,” Jamie tells him. “Not even actually sick.”

“Then tell me what the fuck this is,” Roy says and Jamie doesn't answer. Roy ignores the voice in his head with worse case scenarios and moves to stand right next to Jamie. “Jamie,” he says in a softer tone. “I cannot help you if you don't talk to me. I need you to-” Roy doesn't even get to finish before Jamie sobs. Roy is momentarily gobsmacked before without even really thinking the coach pulls Jamie against his chest.

“Fucking hell,” mutters more to himself than Jamie but Jamie must think it's directed at him because Jamie just cries harder. So Roy just holds him tighter. Everything inside Roy Kent is telling him that he needs to do something. Because seeing Jamie like this is like a knife in the heart. He'd do anything to cheer the striker up. And his brain doesn't seem to have much input either because Roy hadn't even realized his hand had gone up and was running through Jamie's hair, over and over to help calm him. But he doesn't stop because it actually seems to be helping as the sobs slowly turn into sniffles.

“I've got you, Tartt,” he says as he does. And when the treatment room door opens and Jamie goes to pull away, Roy doesn't let him because the last thing he wants is Jamie to close off and shut him out.

“I…uh…just need to grab a few things,” Gail says. “You're good.” She grabs what she needs and leaves.

“Well that was embarrassing,” Jamie sniffles, it's muffled in Roy's shirt. And Roy huffs a laugh.

“It's fucking fine, just breathe and maybe tell me what is wrong.”

Jamie takes Roy's advice and takes a few deep breaths. He is almost too scared to look at Roy. But the way Roy's hand is now rubbing soothing circles on his back has him glancing up at him a bit.

“Will you tell me now?” Roy asks.

“It's…it's just anxiety.”

Roy’s hand stills as that sinks in but his hand moves again because he doesn't want to make it worse.

“Okay, that's…okay,” Roy is trying real hard to police his actions now. “Is this new or just worse than it was?”

And Jamie isn't sure if he'd ever heard so many words without him swearing ever. And Jamie isn't sure how to feel about it. He didn't know if he should tell him that it's because of Zava.

“It's not new, but I thought I beat it ages ago,” Jamie says honestly.

“Okay, what changed?” Roy asks. And the coach can feel the striker’s muscles tense and start to pull away. That didn't bode well. So he changes his tactic.

“Jamie,” Roy starts. “How can I help you?”

And that surprise Jamie.

“You…you want to help me?”

“Of fucking course I do,” Roy says honestly.

“Because you're my coach?”

“Because I need you to fucking be okay. So what do you need from me?”

“Help me?” Jamie says. And the sad way Jamie says it grip’s Roy’s heart. He puts a hand on the back of Jamie's neck.

“Fucking easy, done. Just tell me how.”

“Train me?” Jamie asks and Roy nearly laughs because if Jamie just needs some extra one on one to get past this, he will spend every minute he isn't with Phoebe or the team training.

“Fuck, yeah, we can do that,” Roy grins because he has had worse case scenarios going through his mind and this, this is something he can and will do. “We can start tomorrow if you want.”

“Yeah, really?”

“Yes, Tartt, really.”

[kess-in-the-perthchimzone]

Little details in episode 10

Oh hey, it’s that day of the week where I drink a big glass of wine and babble incessantly about minor details in Dangerous Romance

The way Kang knows with his eyes still closed that Sailom isn’t in the bed! How he’s reaching out, searching. And then how panicked he briefly is when Sailom isn’t there.

You can tell Sailom is still giddy from the night before because instead of rolling his eyes at this over-the-top line from Kang, he gets briefly and unusually shy. (It’s almost like he was starting to believe Kang means these things, noooo)

But Sailom does make a recovery with this zinger of a line

How Sailom watches Kang the entire time he’s on the phone with his dad, clearly trying to read his body language and make sure he’s okay. BOYFRIEND BEHAVIOR

Also I’m still really proud of Kang for this line. The growth (that we would have gotten had he not regressed 😭)

I’m just really emotional over Sailom recording this so lovingly done video of Kang to send to his future father-in-law. The pride in Kang it shows — he knows how talented Kang is! And the fact that he so clearly hoped it might change Kong’s mind

I LOVE this line. It implies so much. “Kang and I talk all the time, how did I not know you played football?”

Actually the best line in the entire episode. Sailom is proud he stopped Kang’s bad behavior! Sailom apparently has a kind of warped fondness for the gym kiss now that they are kissing for real.

Also I don’t really want to include another screenshot of him so adding here that probably the thing I most like about Kong is how he seems to genuinely respect Sailom. One area in which I will concede he has done well.

I’m obsessed with Guy & Kang. Their sports-only, classic BOY friendship is my favorite thing in the world. The fact Kang comes running over to check on him right away does something to my shriveled heart!!

My brain has the completely ridiculous urge to quote Captive Prince here. We’re seeing Kang’s “nascent kingship” forming, and by that I mean, starting to get hints of Kang’s true leadership qualities (WHAT IF the dad withdraws from running for office because he wants to be more devoted to family and we get some kind of epilogue where Kang decides to run?? It’s been hinted at TWICE)

We’re also seeing Sailom slowly turning into a huge football nerd. The way Sailom so sincerely compliments Kang on literally everything else really hits home how much he DOESN’T ever say anything sincere about his own personal feelings towards him

You can really tell how worried Sailom is about Kang still because this is the second time he’s been watching Kang closely and asked how he’s doing

This look on Kang’s face when he learns his dad came to his game. I think this says it all about why he’s so devastated later. He’s wanted this so badly and for so long and he finally got it just to have it yanked away (which coincidentally also describes how Sailom probably feels about Kang … I hate it here)

This is Sailom’s smile after seeing how excited Kang is to get home to see his dad. He’s so happy he made his boyfriend happy!!

The height difference here! And it’s nice later in the series to see how sweet Kang is with his grandmother when it isn’t part of his “I’m a sweet, innocent kitten” act

He goes on to … ruin it, to say it lightly. KANGHAN. But the fact that he left the hospital while his dad is in a coma, he went TO Sailom, he put a hand on his back, he assured him. Kang deserves a tiny amount of points. There was (initially) some very good boyfriending here in the face of a very stressful situation for Kang

Sailom has to scrunch his eyes after Kang says he’ll support him. His soft voice when he says “Thanks Kang” will haunt my dreams

As @srnileforme points out Sailom isn’t actually saying “Kang”; he’s saying “you”. Which means Sailom puts distance between them verbally BEFORE Kang does

What is this shirt?? Have we ever actually seen Sailom wear it

The gates slowly closing is so good. I can hear M of @criticallyobs talking about they are leaving Kang trapped in a prison of his own making

Sailom stares at his phone for a very long time here. I really think he’s thinking about calling Kang

Sailom is so mad at himself that he CANT steal the watch. He knows it would make his life easier

I still don’t know how I feel about Sailom smiling this way in response to Name!!

Sailom knowing this really gets to me. He’s not getting this from Kang. Is he obsessively watching the news?

PAPANG (@thirstkanaphan this is for you)

CHIMON. SAILOM. I don’t even know who to yell at!! I really appreciate the stylists who so dramatically change his hair depending on situation

I probably won’t have any more screenshots from here but want it on record that I am making myself watch the actual dinner part of the escort scene. I feel like I owe it to Sailom to experience what he experienced at least once. So keep me in your thoughts.

Wow, I lied. WHAT. EXCUSE ME. This was your idea, Sailom?

Nice try, you sick bastard, but he won’t tell ANYONE that.

Is this actually Chimon/Sailom on the bed?? He looks like he could be a doll in a very unsettling way. Once again I can understand why Kang flipped the fuck out seeing this.

And then some trailer speculation — there is definitely a second bike there with Kang. Who is it??! I like the idea it’s Name escorting him here to some kind of showdown with his boss. So getting that officially on the record

@dramabiscuit I know you caught even more but I ran out of screenshots so please add them on!

[greenhappyseed]

BnHA Ch. 372 & 373 - Review, parallels & comparisons: Shining the light on leaders, followers, and independent thinkers.

Fun fact: This chapter is called “Friend” and so is Ch.319, where 1A confronts Endeavor in Nezu’s office and declares their intent to find, follow, and work alongside their friend Midoriya. Ch.258, with Hawks befriending Twice, is called “FriendS”.

372 & 373 give us more Present Mic with Shirakumo/Kurogiri, woohoo! I’m psyched, as I’ve grown to love Mic along with Aizawa (and my main blorbo All Might). But I feel like Mic gets the short end of the narrative stick quite a bit. Shirakumo was the undisputed leader of the Rooftop Trio, followed by Aizawa, with Mic rounding out the back. Shirakumo pulled them both along.

Without Shirakumo, Aizawa goes off on his own, even though his quirk is “best suited for teamwork.” Mic stays in their “formation” behind Aizawa, patiently waiting for his friend and giving him nudges when he can. Mic never intentionally shields Aizawa, as Aizawa is too headstrong for that. (Plus being shielded plays into Aizawa’s insecurities, so Mic doesn’t go that route.) Instead, Mic follows Aizawa’s lead.

That means Mic at his most aggressive & protective when he doesn’t know what’s going on inside his friend’s head. Unfortunately, that’s a lot, because Aizawa doesn’t actually open up to anyone. His friendship with Mic is based on proximity, presence, and shared trauma, not talking about feelings. As far as we know, Aizawa has only spoken about his injury and recovery with Nezu, and even then Aizawa cuts off Nezu’s speech about a wisp of hope to ask about Toga.

The one time Mic and Aizawa get close to talking about something meaningful is after Tartarus, when Aizawa asks Mic what he’d do to the people who turned Shirakumo into a Nomu. But Aizawa gets cut off and has to tend to Eri.

We never really know how Aizawa feels, and neither does Mic. When Aoyama is revealed as the traitor, Mic initially asks the kids to slow their roll and think about how Aoyama betrayed them. He wants to make sure a second betrayal isn’t in the cards. Aizawa then surprises Mic by offering Aoyama a chance, which causes Mic to fall in line behind his friend. I wrote about it more in the UA traitor chapters here:

In 372 & 373 we see Mic rush to Kurogiri’s side. Mic even leaves Shoji and Koda to handle the crowd — despite Aizawa asking him to protect the boys — so he can confront Spinner and stop Kurogiri from helping the villains. There’s a few things happening here: (1) obviously, Mic doesn’t want the heroes to lose; and (2) he doesn’t want his dead friend desecrated further as a puppet used to hurt the heroes. Mic addressing Kurogiri as “Shirakumo” and saying “if you’re still our friend…” has immediate parallels to Ch. 254, where Aizawa asks if Shirakumo is “still in there,” because if so then they can still be heroes. If Kurogiri wakes up and helps the villains, then everything Shirakumo stood for is gone, and Shirakumo is truly dead. Everything Aizawa hoped — that the trio could be heroes together — is gone. Aizawa’s hope dies here.

Kurogiri telling Mic he’s the protector of Tomura is also a direct callback to 254, where Mic reacted viciously until he saw that Aizawa was engaged and truly trying to find the wisp of his friend beneath the Nomu-fication. Mic knows the stakes for society and for his best friend. The question is what Mic will do next. Does he keep trying to reach Shirakumo? At what point does he concede his friend is really, truly, completely dead? If Kurogiri can think for himself — real, true independent thought — doesn’t that make him more than a puppet? What’s the difference between a programmed Nomu and an angry mob blindly following their leader’s voice?

Spinner also has a friend stuck beneath AFO’s distortions. Shigaraki may not be a “Nomu,” but he is a puppet with almost no will of his own anymore (it’s all down to Tenko). It’s not an accident we get flashbacks for both friend groups showing when times were simpler and their wills were their own. Look at Shirakumo’s hand and Spinner’s hand — open and gesturing towards their conversation partner. Horikoshi is drawing interesting parallels between Shirakumo/Shigaraki as victims of AFO, and Mic/Spinner as the ones who follow their friends.

Mic didn’t become a hero for Shirakumo or Aizawa, and in many ways he’s the opposite of Spinner — he’s loud, very public, and has always had his own style. People cosplay Mic and not the other way around. But Mic is often sent on missions without backup, and at heart he wants Aizawa to stand tall.

Aizawa has always had insecurity surrounding his quirk and his abilities. Unlike Shigaraki, who steadily grows in power until he’s overtaken by AFO, Aizawa has steadily lost power and accumulated injuries (courtesy of the League) throughout the manga. He’s angry, and Mic is angry for him. Moreover, Mic has his own trauma surrounding Shirakumo’s death, since the villain who brought down the building on Shirakumo used Mic’s quirk to do it. Aizawa then had his first big heroic moment taking down that villain by himself. How did he find the will to do it? He heard Shirakumo’s voice urging him on through a speaker — and Mic KNOWS it. Seeing Spinner try a voice recording to force Kurogiri to do AFO’s bidding HAS to be offensive, and it makes sense why Mic broke the device.

A voice can be powerful. A voice can be used to lead. It can be used to destroy. It can push someone forward or pull them into the past. How will Mic use his voice and his Voice in this situation? And when is Shinso showing up with his voice modulator????

Horikoshi really uses this chapter to draw an explicit parallel between voice and light/fire. There’s the heroic fire, started by All Might, that continues to burn bright and colorful against AFO’s black-and-white world of “me” and “not me.” When people stand tall and their voices are heard, they’re brought into that light.

[andhaveapleasanttomorrow]

I kind of don't live in the real world or know about anything that real people do so having this crisis at almost-22 Given the state of the world in current year feels pretty late but I'm extremely mortally terrified about my own personal future, even aside from all the actual direct threats to humanity's general health and wellbeing, not to mention my own (personal), I've been horrified by the realization that practically everyone just sort of does shit they don't really like or care about for most of their life, and then they die. for most people it's a blessing if they get to do something that's basically inoffensive instead of something they totally hate. then they come home and do more shit they don't really care about (the tv) to "turn their brain off." like, this is what's considered a generally decent life, for the average human, to me. is that not abjectly fucking horrifying? I'm not even talking about the "work-life balance," here, because even progressive notions of the "work-life balance" are depressing to me, the split is depressing, the idea that you have to break your existence into "work" and "life," like "work" is just a thing you have to do in order to get to the other shit, and not something you could ever possibly enjoy- work isn't supposed to be your entire life, right? campus-type offices are bad, workplace entanglements are bad, and whatever. but the only analogue I have for a full-time job is school, and school always has been my entire life. I've never been an "extracurricular" guy, it's just been school and the computer for me, I like it! I want everything to be one smooth gestalt, I don't want to have to sever my life into "the parts I like" and "the parts I have to do," even if the latter is only like 3days a week. I want to enjoy the things I do. I want to have like, longterm goals and shit, which, I've never had a longterm goal up until now but it seems like I'm getting to the point in my life where I might want to make one. I hate that turning your hobby into a job makes it stop being fun, I hate that. I hate that work is a thing people tell you to just put your head down and do and you can't make any friends there and you shouldn't feel like part of a community because they're exploiting you, which is true, and makes sense, but then you leave your workplace and have to go make friends through, like, the apps, I guess? I'm not talking about the commie dream world here because obviously in the commie dream world we would all have strong ties to each other and have parades in the street purely on a whim and so on but we don't live in the commie dream world we live in a very evil dead dying world. I'm not really expressing myself properly, I think my point is I feel that I've wasted my entire youth not doing every single thing I wanted to do because for the next few decades I'm not going to have any energy to do anything except watch the same television shows for ever and ever and ever because it was foolish of me to ever think I'd be able to make a living doing something I loved and now I have to get stomped on 20h/day and not sleep, the sleep is replaced with tv, it makes me feel better than dreaming

[dandylovesturtles]

OKAY sorry to send two asks in a row (and sorry to send a picture instead of copy and paste, my c&p isnt working well for some reason?) but this part is. Also my favourite.

Haha no worries!

AH YES the Brains and Brawn floor cuddles + Leo Rejection Part 2: Electric Boogaloo. I'm sensing a theme with these asks lol.

"Donnie!" Raph hurried over, reaching out for him.

"Raph, I don't think that's-"

He put his hand on Donnie's shoulder, and Leo watched as Donnie sagged into the touch. Raph knelt, getting in close, and Donnie slumped so he was resting his head on Raph's plastron.

"I gotcha, Donnie," said Raph softly, stroking his arm. "You're good, you're good. Just breathe."

Donnie hasn't been okay this whole fic, but he's especially not okay right now. And with everything going on, Raph and Donnie haven't really had time to work out that big blowout fight that happened between them. Sure, Leo bullied them into apologizing, and they both meant what they said. But they still haven't really had a time to fully work through what happened with just them, without meddling from Leo and Mikey.

Donnie's dealing with a mix of guilt and the leftover adrenaline of "I almost committed murder for real" and he needs help right now. Donnie seems to distance himself from Raph's babying more than the others, but at the end of the day that's still his big brother, and Donnie is still going to go to him when he needs just the right brand of comforting that only his big bro can provide.

After everything is over, Raph and Donnie are definitely going to take some time to properly mend their relationship back up. Not that it was ever truly broken, of course, but they need to have a real talk. But this is the first real overture between them: Raph will always be there when one of his little brothers is in trouble, and Donnie having the trust to let Raph in when he's this vulnerable is a big deal.

tl;dr it was really important to me that Raph be the one to comfort Donnie here. Too bad we don't actually get to know what they said because Leo didn't eavesdrop on their conversation haha

Leo stood stock still, watching his brothers cuddle on the medbay floor. Okay, so not all touch is bad. Just me.

But of course Leo is not in his brother's head and he doesn't know what all Donnie is thinking right now. And normally he might be clear-eyed about his brothers' various ways to know this isn't really a rejection of him, but he's been through so much that his brain isn't quite firing on all cylinders. He's making everything about himself again, which I don't mean as a criticism of him (he is really really not alright right now), just a fact.

Sometimes we hurt people without meaning to and it's not anyone's fault but that doesn't stop it from hurting.

It felt like the stab of a white hot knife.

I use this phrase way too often lol it makes me cringe seeing it here. This is why you get yourselves a beta, kids. Don't be like me.

"I'm gonna go..." Leo stopped, swallowed hard to banish the tremble in his voice. "I'm gonna check for any more damage to the lair."

Raph looked in the direction of his voice. "Wait, Leo-"

"I'll be right back," he promised, and was out of there before Raph could say anything more.

Run! Run from the bad feelings!

Poor Raph, he knows Leo isn't okay either but he can't just leave Donnie in the floor and it's not like he can clone himself! (Okay he can kinda clone himself but not in the way Leo needs right now, haha.) It'd be helpful if Mikey was here but Mikey is not. Cowabummer.

Leo does want Raph to stay and help Donnie. He knows Donnie needs that right now. And it's not like he even really needs to be the comforter over Raph; if Donnie hadn't pulled away from his touch earlier then he wouldn't be as upset by this now. But he's definitely feeling singled out right now.

Thanks for the ask!

[cat3ch1sm]

Yeeey! what would my last request be like in Jujutsu Kaisen? only with the cute and beautiful Itadori, Sukuna and Gojo! S/O having communication problems and having their diaries read by them, and reaction to seeing this! ( S/O with Komi san personality with Itadori, Sukuna and Gojo? 🤔😳 )

🍵| ofc ofc<33 i really appreciate ur patience:DD also i have yet to finish the anime do forgive me if i don't characterize these guys right!!! im going off of what i have RN, im about halfway finished with the anime<333

pov: reader s/o is very shy and hardly talks at all, what happens when their partner finds their diary?

itadori yuuji

༊* don't get me wrong, itadori is literally in love with you more than anyone else probably ever will be. but with his personality, sometimes he really wishes you would talk!!! more!!! often!!!

༊* so he goes to one of his friends, say nobara and megumi, and he's like "why do you think y/n doesn't talk??" and nobara's like "idfk bruh but she probably has somewhere else to 'express herself.' like a diary or smth"

༊* "so does that mean fushiguro has a diary too??" *deadpan voice from across the room* "no."

༊* now that itadori has this idea in his head, he goes off to look for one. and after searching in these dumbass places like the toaster or some shit he finally finds it in an obvious-ish place like under your bed

༊* "wow! y/n has a diary! i didn't know that.. wait, should i be reading this? probably not..." *looks guilty for two seconds* *opens the diary*

༊* when he starts to read it, he's surprised by the eloquence of your writing- tbh it makes his brain hurt. but itadori keeps reading anyway

༊* he is also surprised because you seem to feel a lot despite not conveying any of it whatsoever. he reads how you worry when he goes out on missions, he reads how at peace you feel whenever you're with him, he reads how you get angry when sukuna threatens to harm itadori, he sees how you wish you could show him more affection than you are able to, and he reads about how you wish you were able to be real friends with his friends. he even gets to know about how you felt about him even before you started dating, and how shattered you were when you thought he had died

༊* also, it makes itadori so happy when he reads the way you write about him throughout your relationship. all this time he had never been totally sure how you felt about him, but now he's relieved and absolutely thrilled to know that you love him as much as he does you. he only wishes you had shared all of this with him personally

satoru gojo

༊* okay. let's start with the fact that this man has the attention span of a celery stick

༊* you probably left the house for ten to twenty minutes to run and errand or two. and knowing that satoru is a literal child, you put something interesting on TV for him to watch so he doesn't blow the place up

༊* but yeah, no, that didn't work. 0.0005 seconds after the door locks behind you, he's all over the place. and of course he ends up in your room, where he unashamedly snoops through your things until he comes across a little journal

༊* "what's this? a diary???" *opens it up immediately and starts skimming through pages*

༊* sooner or later though, satoru is forced to actually start really reading when he doesn't find what he expected. he'd kind of been counting on some long, depressing sob story that would maybe explain why you were the way you were or something sappy like that. but a lot of your experiences don't seem so different from his- you just take them more slowly. your way of viewing things is a lot less quick than satoru's- while he kind of blasts through everything with a smile on his face and cracking stupid jokes, you stop to observe everything, and he can see this clearly in your writing.

༊* you need a medal fr- you managed to keep your mental boyfriend occupied for more than three seconds at a time??? and he's actually enthralled??? what the heck?!?1!1!1!1?!

༊* he doesn't even bother covering up tbr fact that he read your diary tbh. chances are when you open it up again to the last page you wrote on, there'll be a little teasing note from him or a stupid but affectionate doodle in the margins

༊* anyways, in the future, when satoru annoys you and you try to act mad, he'll just bring up your diary and quote something sappy you wrote about him just to make it worse

ryomen sukuna

༊* sukuna knew you had a diary. he sees you writing in it all the time when you think he isn't around

༊* to be honest, at first he couldn't care less. so what if you had a diary? diaries were for children- it was weird that you didn't talk to begin with. if he wanted to get something out of you, he would. that was all there was to it. he didn't care. sukuna didn't even want to hear about your thoughts and feelings and experiences.

༊* well... until he got to thinking. why were you scribbling all of your thoughts and feelings and experiences on paper when he was right there, anyway? of course, it wasn't like sukuna cared. no, not at all. but still. you should've been telling him these things, not rambling in some silly journal.

༊* he had a right to your mind, didn't he? why was sukuna even dating you if he didn't have access to your thoughts? no, this wouldn't do. he would just have to read the damn thing himself.

༊* so that's what he did. once you'd finally gone to bed, sukuna slipped into your bedroom and pulled your diary from its hiding place. he was surprised to feel no cursed energy radiating from it- that seemed uncommon for a human diary. somewhat curiously, he opened it and began to read.

༊* instantly, sukuna sees why there's nothing cursed coming from your notebook- but tbh, he doesn't necessarily understand how. in your writing, you seem to omit the negative things he was sure you'd include. he's not the "king of curses" in your eyes- he's just sukuna, your eccentric, sarcastic, and occasionally murderous boyfriend. you don't really bring up his "thing" with itadori, either, though you write a little about the boy himself as well as the teachers and students you've met while attending the academy with him. your character analysis is certainly nothing to sneeze at despite barely knowing many of the people you mention in your diary. you write about things as if they're flowers- sukuna's surprised that that's one of the first things that pops into his head as he's reading. frankly, he thinks it's sickening. but something stops him from closing the notebook

[donovan-writes]

All Good Things Must Come To An End

Headcannons for Ernesto while he was alive because my boyfriend’s obsessed @obi-wans-man-titties

~male reader~

Warnings: internalized homophobia, gets angsty, and probably bad Spanish I only took 5 years of Spanish

You met Ernesto at one of his performances. You got front row and once the lights were out of his eyes he was captivated by you

He tried acting so sly but got too tongue tied for it

All his pickup lines sucked. “Did it hurt when you crawled out from heaven? I mean- Dios Mio.”

He couldn’t get his words right for shit he was so dorky

He eventually gave up when you laughed and handed him your home phone line

Once he got home he was giddier than ever he called you IMMEDIATELY

Doesn’t care how much the phone bill is gonna cost to call you he will pay as much as he needs and will even send YOU money to keep talking

He doesn’t think he has a crush. He just barely has genuine friends. They’re all there for his popularity which isn’t really ideal

You get VIP to all his shows once you’ve established a real friendship

His partner on stage always said “you’ve got a thing for your little buddy don’t you?” And he immediately turns it down

“I can’t be with a guy that’s not good for people like us” Ernesto always tried to turn it down like that

He tries getting with several women who use him for money and fame just to try and assure himself he’s not gay

Meanwhile you were writing poems and letters and love songs for this guy. All your friends and family knew you were in love with Ernesto ever since you got close to him

As you and Ernesto De La Cruz toured the world together you both got so much closer

Eventually you told Ernesto how you feel. You gave him a bouquet of several roses* (white, peach, orange, red, and burgundy. For those who don’t understand rose colours I’ll add a guide at the bottom)

However he turns you down. Claiming he’s not supposed to swing that way and that it would be bad for his reputation. It’s not what he wanted to say but it’s what he thought he had to say

You’re destroyed but you take out the burgundy rose and hand it to him instead “then at least accept this” you’d say

Ernesto would take the rose and put it on his hat giving a smile

He does his performance like normal but you aren’t there. You decided to stay in the hotel room that was rented for you both. You could still hear the music a few streets away, this caused you to cry. You have just had your heart broken

Ernesto walks in on you crying still. He had just come back from a party, one he never told you he was attending

“Hey I didn’t see you! Where were you amigo I could’ve used your support” Ernesto would say to you with a grin left over from the festivities, but soon realize your puffy red eyes. “What’s the matter? Did someone hurt you?”

As you dry your tears you shake your head. He wouldn’t understand how it hurt. He gets everything handed to him, so understanding heartbreak is probably something Ernesto is incapable of. Or so you think

Ernesto doesn’t buy it “I know when something is bothering you. What’s going on?”

You’re close to losing it. “Ernesto please stop. I don’t want to talk about it. I’m tired and you’ve got a big day ahead of you let’s just go to sleep” as you get up from the hotel chair to your bed

Ernesto stops you “if it’s about what I said then I’m sorry”. This is the most serious you’ve seen him.

As you take your arm back you look at him “it’s fine. I understand”

“No it’s not fine. I wasn’t being fully honest and I was being a coward. Let me explain my answer” Ernesto asked. You agree and both of you sit on his bed

“I do have feelings for you, but I don’t think I can be seen in public as.. well you know”. Ernesto hopes you do know and you finish the sentence “gay?” He nods

“Well then what if we hide us? Act like we usually do in public but act how we want when no one is watching?” You offered.

Ernesto would think about it for a moment “that’s actually a good idea. But it’s no wonder you thought of it, you are the brains out of the two of us”

You’d laugh “Then, Ernesto De La Cruz, will you go out with me?”

He takes you in his arms tight “of course I will mi flor”. You blush at the new nickname

So from then on after his concerts and any alone time you both got would be special for just you and him. He had even stopped going to some of the after parties just to sneak away with you

You’d always be holding hands under tables and blowing kisses from across the room when no one’s looking. Your friends and family easily caught on but wouldn’t say anything for both of your sakes

He gives the best hugs and holds you really close

He’d book the 1 bed hotel rooms and pretend like it was an accident but that it was fine in front of reception. But the moment you get to your room he’s snatching you and you’re both on the bed snuggling

You’d give him good luck kisses before concerts when he’s backstage

However all good things must come to an end..

There was one concert you regret for the rest of your life.

Ernesto was doing his usual, the crowd was cheering and singing with him, the lights were bright, there was even a fireworks show planned soon when he took his final bow. But they’d never reach that..

Someone slipped up backstage. No one saw who. But they released the large bell he was playing under, crushing Ernesto.

You scream and run to the bell as people grab you to hold you back. People are screaming and running out of the concert hall.

You sob uncontrollably as you make it past the people who were keeping you back. Some of the security was already trying to get the bell off, you decided to help out

It took a while but the bell was removed, and you saw him. It broke you to your very core. You drop to the ground next to where he was. You began begging for this to be a joke or for this to be a bad dream. Begging for any of this to not be real and that he’d walk over, hold you tight, and tell you it’s okay.

But that never happened. Just as he was crushed your heart was too, now there’s an empty space only he could’ve filled left.

A really good thing had come to an end for you

(SORRY I KNOW ITS SAD BUT I HAVE A PART 2 PLANNED DONT WORRY AND STAY TUNED. Also sorry if the story headcannons were weird I just felt like writing it like this)

*rose guide <3