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#this one’s okay i guess we can keep it
bakubunny · 6 months
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Slayyyy happy almost birthday bunny 🫶 it’s your bday but you are giving us the gift of your writing? I’ll take it.
I am on my knees asking for a fic where pro hero Kiri teaches pro hero Bakugo how to fuck reader 🤲
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a/n: thank you so much for this. 😮‍💨 it was a fun one. i got carried away for sure haha. hope it was worth the wait!
wc: 2.4k 💀
tags: aged up characters; bf!kiri; best friend!bkg; f!reader; established relationship; oral sex (m receiving); deep throating; mfm with a lil m/m action; fingering (f receiving); overstimulation; unprotected sex; creampies; sloppy seconds; katsuki has a bit of a praise kink; katsuki’s a little subby but not really; eijiro takes control
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You weren’t sure how you ended up naked between your boyfriend and your best friend, but you did.
Okay, well, you knew; you were there at the boys’ shared apartment when the topic of Katsuki’s sex life (or lack thereof) came up in conversation. Still a virgin in his late twenties, he’d focused solely on his career to the point of having a small number of relationships he’d intended to be serious, but they never took off.
Without hesitation, Eijiro said, “We’re here if you wanna see what the fuss is all about. I could show you how.”
Your eyes widened a little as you looked at Eijiro.
Katsuki’s face flushed down to his chest. “I-I don’t need you to show me how,” he sputtered. “I know what a fucking pussy looks like, give me some credit.”
Eijiro grinned, a glint in his eye. “Yeah, bro, but sex is a lot more than knowing where your dick goes. Isn’t that right, baby?” he said, turning to you.
His hand slid around your body as he pulled you into him, trying to gauge your reaction. A flush had washed over your cheeks as well; Eijiro knew you thought Katsuki was attractive and teased you about it every once in a while, but you never thought he’d suggest this.
“It-it is, yeah,” you replied.
“Have you even had your cock sucked before?” Eijiro said.
Katsuki’s face reddened further as he futzed with his hands. “Once,” he mumbled.
“So that was the only time?”
“Yes, shitty hair, the one time you sucked my dick was the single fucking time I’ve gotten a blowjob,” Katsuki spat. “Fuck, you’re so damn irritating.”
You held in a laugh at his response until Eijiro fired back.
“That can change. There’s a pretty little cock sucker right here, and I’d say she’s damn good,” he said.
“Ei!” You gave him a shoulder check, eyes wide.
“What? You know it’s true. I’m just trying to help a bro out, here,” Eijiro replied.
“Tch. He’s too nice. I doubt you’re that good,” Katsuki said under his breath.
Your brows raised as you spoke. “Oh, is that what you think? Fine.” You grabbed a throw pillow from the couch and put it on the floor. “Come here.”
Katsuki looked at you like you’d gone crazy while Eijiro’s grin grew.
“Now,” you demanded.
Slightly surprised by your tone, you could see both a hint of anger and timidity in his expression. But as you kneeled on the pillow, he walked towards you.
“Are you fucking serious right now?” Katsuki asked.
“Yes. Get your dick out.”
He hesitated. You could see the flurry of thoughts running through his head as he looked at Eijiro and down to you.
“Kats, I’ve known you for what, ten years now?” you said. “If I didn’t want this, I wouldn’t do it. Do you want a blowjob or not?”
Katsuki’s cheeks flushed again as he reached for his belt, mumbling under his breath. Maybe it was the nerves, but he was still soft when he pulled his pants and boxer briefs down. The scent of clean sweat and burnt sugar hit your nose first. Your eyes fluttered for a moment, drinking in the sight of his thick, soft cock hanging down over heavy balls. Even soft, he was still a little bigger than most guys when they’re fully hard.
“What?” he spat nervously. “Not big enough for you or somethin’?”
Eijiro caught the look in your eye, glazed over with want. “Nah, dude. Look at her.”
Staring him in the eye, Katsuki seemed to get it as a grin drew across his lips.
You leaned in, lips grazing his cock as you spoke. “Wipe that fucking smirk off your face. I doubt you’ll last more than a minute,” you teased.
His jaw clenched and you grinned taking his cock between your lips. Katsuki’s dick quickly grew in your mouth until you had to bring up a hand to support the weight and size. You sucked his cock as you let saliva pool into your mouth, spitting on his shaft every now and then to get the slick movement you needed in your mouth and under your fingers.
Katsuki huffed and panted with flushed cheeks, body tense as he watched you work. By the time he was fully hard, you could get a hand around him, but not by much. He was probably a solid eight inches if you had to guess, a little bit longer and not as thick as the dick you were well acquainted with. The same dick you could see visibly bulging in Eijiro’s shorts as he stood next to Katsuki and watched.
“Fuck, baby, you’re so pretty, doing such a good job,” Eijiro said, his voice warm and sweet.
You felt Katsuki throb between your lips as Eijiro reached out to run a hand over your head.
A shiver slid down your back as your eyes fluttered shut for a moment. “Shush, you. You’re gonna make him cum and I’m just getting started.”
Before Katsuki could protest, you started working his shaft slowly in long strokes, one hand twisting and stroking just below your lips as you used your tongue to massage the vein on the underside of his cock. You let his cock hit your throat before pulling out almost entirely and sunk back down again and again.
Katsuki’s head fell back and he whined a soft, “Holy fuck, shit, fuck.”
You felt his thigh tremble slightly under your free hand and stopped. He panted.
“If you’re gonna insult my cock sucking skills, you’re gonna watch me when I prove you wrong,” you said. “Dunno if I should continue though. I’m not sure you like it. You’re pretty quiet.”
His head snapped forward and he looked you in the eye, full of hunger and a thread of desperation, fists clenched tight. “Please,” he whispered.
You grinned and stroked the head of his cock. Another groan left his lips.
“Please, what, Kats?”
Frustration built on his face. It was hidden by a little anxiety, but you could see his desire to let anger take control from you. You waited for him to swallow his pride.
“Suck my cock. Please suck my cock,” he said.
You kissed his red, angry tip. “That’s what I like to hear.”
Katsuki moaned as you took him back in your mouth, working his shaft again without moving too quickly to be just a little nice. You grabbed his hand and putting it on the back of your head.
“I’m gonna take a breath, and when I look up, you push a little. You’re not gonna hurt me. I’ll push myself off if I need you to stop.”
You caught Eijiro flushed and grinning, palming his bulge through his shorts in the corner of your eye and tried not to smile too hard when you saw Katsuki’s wide eyes before you looked away. As promised, you took a good breath and looked up before sinking his cock between your slack jawed lips, pushing further when he hit the back of your mouth. After a couple of tries, he slipped down your throat and you sunk until your nose pressed into the wirey blond hair at the base of his dick. Katsuki groaned and watched in disbelief as your eyes watered and rolled in pleasure, a shudder running down your back.
“Oh fuck, shit, I’m gon-” He was cut off with a whining moan as he came.
You bobbed your head and gently massaged his balls as he throbbed, shooting his load down your throat. You pulled off with a gasp, drool on your chin and tears in your eyes. Katsuki stepped back and a familiar, callused hand pulled you into his groin. You whimpered.
“Ei, really?” you said.
“Yeah, baby. You look so fucking pretty, I need more of you. Show him what a good girl you are, hmm?”
You sighed. “You’re lucky I love you and your dick.”
Eijiro pulled his shorts down and you greedily made quick work of getting him off. The feeling of his hands in your hair amplified every little sensation of pleasure, though it was brief.
You took Eijiro’s offered hand to stand and wiped your chin as you turned to Katsuki. “Now, what have we learned?” you teased.
“I was fucking wrong, okay? And…” his voice fell quiet. “Maybe I’d be okay with learnin’ a thing or two.”
A shared look with Eijiro told you he was far more excited about this than he should be.
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Eijiro held you as you leaned back into his chest, his arms wrapped around you. Katsuki awkwardly lined his dick up with your wet cunt.
“Don’t push in right away, tease her a little bit,” he said.
You whimpered. Eijiro and Katsuki had already done that plenty between the two of them; two pairs of hands wandering your body, two pairs of lips tracing their way across your skin, one that felt like home and another that was nervous and unpracticed but greedy. Two hands that took turns fingering your achy cunt until Katsuki was able to pull you over the edge as you shook and clenched around his hand, and Eijiro had worked worked you back up immediately after despite your protests from overstimulation.
The head of Katsuki’s dick ran over your clit. You whined again as pleasure washed over you.
“Kats, c’mon please?”
Before Eijiro could stop him, Katsuki was sinking the head of his cock into your heat as you both groaned. He panted heavily and a shaky whine left his throat. Katsuki throbbed inside of you as he pushed in slowly, so overwhelmed by the tight, velvety feeling wrapped around his cock that he almost came when he bottomed out, hips meeting yours. He hadn’t even moved yet and his head was spinning.
Eijiro’s dick twitched against your back. “That’s it, just go slow. You look so fucking good,” he said.
Katsuki throbbed again and his grip on your body tightened. “Shut the fuck up, shitty hair. I’m tryna fuck your girlfriend.”
“You want my help or not?” The grin plastered on his face was almost smug.
“Don’t need your fuckin’ comments,” Katsuki replied.
He waited for his head to stop swirling a little before trying with short, tentative thrusts that started slow and got faster before he stopped. Katsuki paused to keep himself from losing his mind and started again. Though it wasn’t much movement, he was so big that it still made you whine as Eijiro groped and teased your tits.
“H-harder,” you said.
He pushed his hips deeper without really pulling out. Katsuki couldn’t think beyond the grip of your cunt, wasn’t sure if he’d actually be able to fuck you and if he kept this train of thoughts going, he’d probably go soft and look like a huge fucking idiot. He was stuck in his head when Eijiro pulled his head together.
“Bro, relax. You’re doing just fine,” Eijiro said. “Pull out more before you thrust.”
Katsuki’s thrust, though tentative, changed to one that was long and dragged against your sweet spot. He pulled a gasp from you once he got the hang of it, fucking you harder with each snap of his hips.
“That’s it. Fuck that pretty pussy like you mean it,” Eijiro said, a heated roughness settling into his voice.
Katsuki grunted with a hint of frustration, his thrusts getting continually harder as you moaned, skin slapping on skin slowly filling the room. “Wha’d I say about the damn talkin’?”
“You like it,” you said.
“Shut yer fuckin’ mouth,” he replied, articulating it with a hard thrust. “You don’t know what I like.”
Eijiro grabbed Katsuki by the face and leaned in a little. “No, but I do. C’mon, Kats, make her take your fucking cock.”
Katsuki groaned louder than you expected at Eijiro’s slight show of dominance, his thrusts getting sloppy as a shudder ran down your back.
“That’s it, such a good boy,” Eijiro said. “Gonna fill that pretty cunt for me, aren’t you?”
Katsuki moaned as heat flooded your core and you whined in return, not quite close enough to get off before his hips softened and slowed to a stop.
“Fuck you, dickhead,” Katsuki grumbled, no malice behind his words.
“Don’t tempt me,” he replied. “Get out of the way and I’ll show you how it’s really done. Ass up, princess.”
Cum slid down your ass when Katsuki pulled out. You turned over and laid yourself on Katsuki’s chest, back arched and waiting while Eijiro got behind you. He gave your ass a playful smack as he started down at your messy cunt.
“Fuck, you look so perfect like this. Should get you covered in Kats’ cum more often,” he said.
“Baby, will you please just - oh fuck-”
Eijiro grabbed you by the hips and pushed in without warning, his girth a welcome change. The weight of his hips pounded into you as you moaned, eyes rolling as Katsuki watched. Just the pressure of Eijiro’s hips hitting yours had you coming undone as he pulled you up and into him, fucking a deep, tender spot that made you see stars.
“Tch. Y’really like gettin’ fucked hard, huh?” Katsuki said.
You managed a groan of approval, already too lost in pleasure to form a coherent response, the wet sound of Eijiro’s balls clapping against your clit filling your head.
“You’re so cute when you’re getting fucked stupid like this. Can’t even speak,” Eijiro said.
Eijiro’s fingertips dug into your hips, a grunt on his lips. Your legs started to shake, shockwaves of pleasure washing over you.
“Kiss him, baby,” he demanded.
Weakly, you pushed yourself and leaned in towards Katsuki’s face. He grabbed you, kissing you hard, the smoothness of his tongue amplifying the electric feeling on your skin. Eijiro reached down and rubbed circles into your clit. You moaned into Katsuki’s mouth, your vision going white as a shudder rippled down your body and you came, your core fluttering and clenching hard. Eijiro fucked you through your orgasm with a heavy groan as he came with you, filling you with his seed.
Still inside you, Eijiro collapsed and held you in his arms next to Katsuki. “We’re definitely doing this again.”
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tagging the gremlins bc i just know y’all need to see this.
gremlins: @callm3senpaii @arlerts-angel @dcsiremc @darkstarlight82 @bookcluberror @breadandbutter33 @i-literally-cant-with-this @she-who-writes-for-multi-fandoms @rinalouu @stvrfir3 @r4td0lll @emmab3mma @mhadabiandhawks4eva @aria-chikage @gold24fish @yazminetrahan @doumadono @dreamcastgirl99 @maddietries @jazzafayesworld @karebear5118 @unofficialmuilover
if you’d like to join my tag list, let me know. ♡
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angeart · 8 months
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guys this is very important
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sysig · 2 months
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Okay but what if (Patreon)
#Doodles#TSP#Stanley#Me while reading: Now don't make a papercraft okay? Don't make a papercraft don't make a papercraft don't make a-#Predictably lol#It's the kind of structure that invites speculation! Who would you choose and what would their name be and how would they adapt#And The Stanley Parable wasn't even out at the time!! FJkldsafdf#Me when anything: I want to#Stanley would be so fun to play as ♪ Small but close-knit cast and since it's an institute it should have accommodations for his mutism#And he's no stranger to painful and confusing situations haha#You can see my indecision on which sign language Stanley knows haha#He never speaks so we don't know what accent Stanley would have but we know the Narrator is British! So#But I also don't know any British Sign Language and I know it's different than ASL òuò;#Granted my knowledge of ASL is far far far from fluent but I do know some at least so if /I/ was the one playing as him-#Anyway moot point since languages are directly translated anyway :P Though I wonder about sign language#I assume there were some nonverbal patients I just haven't seen any myself :0#I have also made a Narrator card to match Stanley 😔#Actually - hehe - I had a lot of fun picking their ''real'' names ♪#The Narrator's was pretty easy honestly I knew I had to give him the first name Kevan and then I wanted to keep his last initial#So I went with ''Baker'' since it's a common name :) Very cute!#And then for Stanley since I headcanon him as being Greek/Latino - heavier on the Greek side - I gave him a Greek name!#Again same first initial - couple letters even for that ''St-'' sound :) - and scanned through some Greek last names#And liked the sound of Psomas with Stefano - but ♪ You'll never guess ♫#It's a similarly common name for a reason - ''Psomas'' translates to ''bread maker''#Kevan and Stefano Baker they're husbands fr your honour#Hghhghh I just think it's so cute!! And I didn't do it on purpose it was just a happy accident!! I love them <3
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rotomartsblog · 6 months
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Half the reason FNAF lore is so complicated is because every time we’re given a simple answer theorist will be like “but what if it wasn’t like that” and come up with the most convoluted shit ever to explain how
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I still very loathe the Media Trope of ‘’cold genius man doesn’t feel emotions and never has relationships... UNTIL.. one random relatively bland Preddy Woman comes along and warps his entire personality and ability to think, his heart has grown and his seeming asexuality has evaporated, he is now Normal :)” or whatever like... AS a walking generic hermit archetype myself.. we would NOT act like that .... just let people be detached weirdos in peace, you cowards .. OR, don’t bother to write one in the first place if you find us too boring to exist realistically in our natural state lol.. pathetic 
#the only exception to this is its okay if he develops some pesudo-romantic psychologial fixation on one of his long suffering male sidekicks#or assistants or whatever (since this character acrhetype ALWAYS has some sort of like Straight Man Every Man helper to follow#him around and be an audience stand in. sometimes multiple like a whole team of assistants. sometimes just one etc.)#like a strange not-entirely-romance-but-mutualy-unhealthy-comedic-codependence w someone you worked w 25+ yrs COULD be in character. sure.#ASIDE from that one exception though..... just keep them aromantic and asexual.. why would someone who has been that way for their#entire fucking life suddenly be like ''well I've known this woman three weeks but she's really hot! whoops!''#''guess I'm going to act completely out of character! sometimes booba so booby it fundametally alters the dna of me personality. you know ho#w it is'' .. like shut up.. explode#It's not that I project personally onto these characters (writers are bad at writing them and they're generally annoying as shit) BUT just#like... coming FROM the perspective OF a cold detached ''robot'' seeming hermit freak.. like textbook scholar wizard man locked#away in a tower somewhere type personality... You just watch shows sometimes and you can SEE that the writers are trying to write#the Character Archetype that is your actual realworld personality and you're just like 'we do NOT fucking act like that!!!' lol#you know ? like .. i don't actually care about the characters themselves but more just.. the principle of the thing. staying true to what#has been set up. You can't be like ''oh yeah this is your typical cold detached hermit weirdo with zero interest in human relationships for#the most part blah blah blah'' and then 5 minutes later be like ''WAIT GUYS!! LOOK! they're still NORMAL! look they love booba#too!!! haha hashtag Relatable!!'' .. what have you done to him.. you've massacred the archtype.. cowardly fool#Also I'm referencing them as male because this character archtetype is usually male but the same thing can apply for other gendered versions#of the archetype. it's ALWAYS annoying. no matter what it is lol. GOD AND IT'S even worse when they're supposed to be like hundreds or thous#ands of years old like.. some sort of supernatural being who's ''above it all'' because they've seen the world's cycles for so long#and blah blah and then it's like ''omg.. suddenly into romance.. for some reason all 900 years of my life nobody has ever been good#enough but YOU.. random ass person who I met 30 minutes ago and are completely average in every way or maybe you have like one#special power or are smart or something but apparently somehow I've lived 900 years without ever meeting a single other smart person#or whatever but WOW.. you... instant soulamtes.. I am no longer aromantic and asexual. I am also no longer smart.''#at least if it's a human with a normal lifespan you can be like 'well they were only 30. maybe they genuinely did just have their first#sexul awakening' or something but.. you're telling me like.. 900 years??? 1000 years?? and NOW they're like 'whooa!!' lol#Which obviously all aroace people are different.. all people with autism or schizoid pd or any other mental illnesses that can sometimes#lend people towards that type of 'weird hermit' archetype are all different. plenty of these people WILL have relationships and sex and desi#re those things. but it's like.. if you are OBVIOUSLY  setting out to write that one VERY specific archetype within the broader archetype#then GO ALL THE WAY!! you cant have someone be like HALF-detached partial-hemrit sometimes-maybe-genuis or whatever#or I guess you can but like. it should be that way from the beginning. it's the random sudden shift in personality thats jarring
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anaalnathrakhs · 1 month
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i keep looking at posts like "i stopped a binge" "i prevented a binge" and all of them are like. "i waited until the urge went away". buddy. the urge doesn't go away. there's no urge. there's just nothing else to do. i don't have anything else to do. every time i stop eating no matter how long i sit with the feeling or not, i always go for more food because there is genuinely nothing else in my life. nothing is enjoyable anymore. the world sucks. no matter what i force myself to do it's the only positive thing i can ever find.
#like okay cool i let the people around me guilt me into eating whatever they think i should be eating#i get it. i'm so fucking stupid for missing out opportunities to try new food. i should never buy the same food twice.#i should always buy all the variety i can and try everything.#i'm so stupid for having eaten the same stuff in a loop for years and years#i'm a massive fucking weirdo for not eating when other people are eating#i keep stealing food from my parents and the people around me i keep taking way too much of stuff intended for a group#nowhere i go will be free of obligations#i have to keep buying my own poison because everywhere i go there's other people's food waiting for me anyway#my parents keep looking at me like a freak no matter if i eat dinner with them or not#they see me binge and nothing happens#we just ignore it#i just eat until Designated Eating Time is finished#hunger doesnt ever have anything to do with it i just eat when food's in front of me#i need the ritual i need the structure it brings to my life#both meals with other people and my ritual binges#i dont know what to do with myself when i'm not binging#and it's like i'm not allowed to not want food#to other people#it's like i must necessarily want all food and anytime i refuse it's restriction#my friends are always like ooooh you can grab some of my fries if you want#or oooooh do you want the rest of my cookie#or ooooooh and how about you are you ordering something#and i'm like :) yeah sure :) like anybody else would :)#and to myself. to myself i don't know. i think i just want to give up. i want to suffer and i want to fuck up so badly.#so badly that no one can deny i need help#i want to be proven right. i'm just a little weakling and all i'm good for is to haunt the halls of a mental hospital.#no responsabilities no pressure nothing but a pitiable suffering victim#i want somebody or something to swoop in and save me#but nobody will come. it's my job to ask for reasonable help from the relevant authorities. and currently they can't offer that care.#so fuck me i guess
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hecksupremechips · 4 months
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RE danganronpa not having the best writing I was talking to a friend the other day about v3 about how it sucks that they set up Kaede to be the protagonist but then killed her off because while yes, Shuichi is a very good protagonist and he’s the only one that really gets interesting character development, Kaede could have so easily been an insanely interesting protagonist if she got to live because she has plenty of room to grow since she’s very clearly scared shitless and is deeply insecure about her ability to motivate and lead the group, but she smiles through it and lies about her feelings so much that the player doesn’t even know about her creating an elaborate murder scheme. And I realized that the way to keep her as a protagonist is for there to be a way that the first trial ends and someone else is found to be the killer (for example it could be Tsumugi if she weren’t the mastermind, or maybe someone else was in the library and killed Rantaro) and they get executed and thats that. Then at the end of the chapter we get a scene where Kaede is alone in her room and sighs in relief as it’s revealed that she hatched an elaborate plan to kill the mastermind but she wasn’t found guilty, either because she wasn’t the actual killer or because she was being protected by the mastermind. And so we the player have to proceed with the new knowledge that Kaede not only wanted to kill someone, she actually went through with a whole plan to kill someone and we didn’t even know about it and neither did any of the characters. And Kaede is on edge because on one hand she has to live with the fact that she was perfectly okay becoming a killer and that she failed to kill the mastermind so the game is going to continue and someone else was unlucky and got executed instead of her,but on the other hand she’s relieved that she wasn’t the one who died and that she was given another chance to find the true mastermind and no one has to know what she did. And as the game progresses it gets more and more stressful for her because she tries to keep up the positive energy but she’s living with this massive secret and she can’t let anyone find out about what she did and she finds herself still wanting to kill the mastermind so we the player don’t know how much we can trust Kaede anymore since she’s lying to everyone including us and she can very well kill again if she wants to
#danganronpa#kaede akamatsu#of course we couldnt have something like this happen cuz yay misogyny killed kaede and also like mentioned#dr doesnt have good enough writing to pull this off lol#yttd is at least able to pull something similar off with sara so at least i have that but still god like can you IMAGINE#how good v3 wouldve been if it had done this and like what i think is really fun is like#shuichi figuring it out cuz you know he would hed know in the first trial but in this version doesnt say anything#and he doesnt have to cuz kaede conveniently isnt the culprit#but like now hes stuck with this knowledge that she so easily couldve been#and you know shuichi is just like that last person shed want to know about this#but shed also be eaten alive by guilt from keeping it from him cuz she trusts him most and was the one encouraging him to pursue the truth#even if its unpleasant#so i like to imagine one of two scenarios like either shuichi eventually confronts kaede about this after shes become a bit more corrupt#and he plans to tell and shes forced to kill him to keep her secret#or a scenario where shuichi chooses to protect kaede over the truth and he becomes her accomplice#both scenarios would fuck up kaede quite a bit#and then i guess itd be really interesting to see if she becomes more and more corrupt and eventually does get executed#or if she owns up to her mistakes and decides to reveal her truth that shes actually fucking terrified#and she doesnt have as much control as she wants to and she has no clue if its gonna be okay#i think that would fit so good with the truth/lie theme too#goddddd like im so mad now cuz this is just like so good like why cant dr just be good its so easy
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chryzure · 9 days
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idol azure being a major loser whose favorite celebrity is chrysi (horror movie actress), who also has no fucking clue this guy exists. azure’s retweeting every single one of her promo posts for random horror movies she’s in & getting a lot of his fans to watch these movies and chrysi accidentally ran into him in an airport and did NOT know who he was
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autistic-shaiapouf · 1 month
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Beginning to really wonder how much of my financial concern is manufactured and handed to me as opposed to something I'm genuinely concerned by
#bc like. i'm getting by just fine. i don't have anything to be reasonably worried about#but also when i was a kid my father would break down my mother's paycheck and basically explain how broke we were#and that May Have Affected Me Somewhat#as well as just. the way you consistently see the advice to just save! don't get takeout! necessities! and i'm not intent on living like#a monk nor am i intent on being on that grindset for financial gain#it's like i don't intrinsically care but i have so many messages given to me about how i need to care a lot and it puts me in a weird spot#i am simultaneously standing still and moving at mach speeds#i mean right now i just need a safety net while in between jobs; after that i need to save up to move out of state bc the uh#political situation and upcoming presidential election don't seem very sustainable for someone like me anymore#they weren't to begin with but i don't wanna stick around to see how bad it's gonna get#but it's like. okay and then what? save for what? going back to school i guess? idk#i feel like i keep asking myself what i'm trying to accomplish and keep trying to force myself to have answers#here and now when i have to be okay with taking things one step at a time instead of having everything here and now#it's simultaneously fine and terrible and i am holding two conflicting yet equal truths#i feel i may have a clearer head once i leave my current job. i'm trying to look but nothing feels appealing given how#burnt out i already feel. i dread going back into my workplace and i fear it's showing to the patients and i don't want that#i want a month off to rediscover who i am as a person outside of getting yelled at in retail and then pick something back up#could be feasible. genuinely could be. i need to sort out the health insurance aspect but. that's lowkey the plan?#to construct a financial safety net and then slam on the breaks for a while; see if i can strike up a deal with the staff about me#coming in for specific tasks bc we already know i'm quick and efficient with the inventory so i do have a little leverage#you know what. this is getting some of it off my chest and i'm starting to feel confident again lmao#i won't be doing weekends starting either next week or the week after so that's a start! i just think i want everything done right now#bc i'm afraid i won't have the chance again but i will. i definitely will#i just need to let myself get to that point; it's just the immense drain from the register work and the Everything that comes with retail#also having to accept that it's okay to leave this; there's not something wrong with me like. ''not being able to handle it'' or w/e#no mindfulness or detachment could've saved me; it was shit and i'm hitting the bricks and that's all there is to it#i've been thinking a lot about it all lately bc it's what's most prominent in my life rn of course#idk. pondering. introspecting. as i am wont to do#anyways if you've read all this you're a real mvp and i am kissing you on the hand#shai speaks
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the-trans-dragon · 7 months
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What if they didn't put ads every 3 posts. Three posts between ads, literally. Not even counting the ad for Tumblr Live.
Also what if tumblr didn't know what city Im in. I do not want my location tracked or stored anywhere unless I give explicit ongoing permission, like with my GPS app that I allow to track me only when the app is open, and then it deletes the data (allegedly) when I stop giving permission.
#ugh i do SO much to try to keep my location private. i use an android with all the tracking things Off (except for my weather app#which is a highly specific app that does NOTHING except provide weather; and i have the location turned Off so it doesnt even know where i#live). my tumblr email is not connected to any real life stuff because i made it when i was very closeted and made a new email and password#for it and never linked them to anything else. i have bare minimum apps. i use firefox and duckduckgo.#for shits sake i use a small barely-known map app because any Map App that has had large success under capitalism is inevitably going to#start selling private info or working with a cheap security system designed to allow quiet data leaks.#i guess i use gmail and gphotos but my phone doesnt HAVE a native Photo App. i have to use one i download and im too damn skittish to try#i guess i did get netflix recently....sigh.... i figured they WERENT tracking me because they email me EVERY TIME I USE NETFLIX to alert me#that OHHHH A NEW DEVICE IS USING NETFLIX AAAAA WHAT IF ITS AGAINST NETFLIX POLICY OH NOOOO. so i figured they didnt have a way to ID me.#UGH. CAN I PLEASE EXIST WITHOUT BEING MONITORED FOR FIVE SECONDS. can i please access Social Media which is a shitty substitute for actual#human connection but its the best i have--without someone noting my location and then trying to sell me things??? can i please watch film???#i cant go to a theater because my region does NOT believe in covid and not even medical staff attending Very Ill Patients wear masks anymore#stupid fucking homophobic transphobic anti-vax society has made it too dangerous for me to access most Not-Online forms of enrichment. and i#cant even use the Internet (a magnificent ASTONISHING human creation) without being tracked and advertised to.#ugh..#humanity is just so cool and brave and kind and amazing and yet we have taxes and advertisment IDs and traffic and medicine shortages.#its not like the ads even work. even when it shows me stuff i DO want. i cant fucking afford things. i already have spent too much money on#things that i dont need like Good Food and Entertainment and Juice. ugh....okay i do need food and liquids....Good food even. my body cant#survive on College Foods like it could in the past. And i might literally die if i dont buy juice...#and i guess its really really really heartwarming to have good entertainment to take breaks from all the stress.... its not like i havent l#..... like im so frugal. thank god my partners encourage me to buy myself things. i have been so much healthier since giving in and buying#Non-Water drinks instead of just Chronically Drinking Less Than A Bottle Of Water A Day. my partners are so good and sweet 😓 i shouldnt be#upset with myself for letting them convince me to take care of myself. that isnt fair to them or me so i will stop doing that now.#my faith in humanity is mostly just knowing that my partners exist. theyre so sweet. if people like them exist--then i have faith in humanty#no pressure lol. they are both so good and perfect regardless of how much energy they have to spare for Being Good. they are just inherently#very dear and good to me and for me. but just because i have faith in humanity doesnt mean im gonna stop complaining the whole time!!!!!! i#will whine about the bad stuff forever!!!! and BITE IT if i ever get the chance. but i will complain until the bothersome things go away.#if i complain my whole life with no results then...! so be it. i will whine and it will be art somehow.#sorenhoots
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bangcakes · 4 months
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pepprs · 2 years
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also the favoritism thing is still making me so fucking mad and insane btw. im not jealous / resentful of my brother bc he deserves her love and is also burdened in his own ways by it and bc i think my drama w my mom has shaped my life in profound ways and given me friends i cherish and i would never trade any of that for the world but jesus fucking christ. why do i have to beg you to interact with me like a mother. why do i have to talk to me at all beyond asking me to do you 847439473 favors a day. why do i have to beg you to take an interest in my life and apologize when you hurt me and be nurturing and perceptive for once in your fucking life. like it hurts to hear her asking him about his classes and whatever bc she didn’t think i was stressed out w school but i had to talk to a ****** hotline last decemver when i couldn’t take it anymore and my mental health was crashing and burning and it doesn’t even fucking matter to her at all and she’s going to get him the nice gifts and throw him the nice parties and whatever because she hates me and my sister for… and let me get this straight… being complicated and anxious and depressed and also girls. lol!
#purrs#delete later#sorry i knowive been insane about momposting but this shit has me screeching like an ape. the way when my brother was born she decided me#and my sister would be okay with each other bc we were twins and meanwhile she was leaving my sister to have anxiety attacks and me to take#care of her and all of this happening at like 7 years old and she would come into my brothers room every single night and kiss him goodnight#and talk to him for a long time and she wouldn’t even come in and say goodnight to us. LOL. ok. like our room being a depression nest is not#an excuse. us not helping out much in the kitchen or around the house (which is bad but also we have reasons for it that i think are valid#and i only do it here and not elsewhere btw.) is not a good excuse. you can’t decide you love your one kid more because he helps out and#keeps his room clean and whatever. maybe he is normal because you made it very clear from the time that he was born that he was your top#priority and you gave him your attention and didn’t take it away meanwhile my sister and i have always had to share bc we’re twins and she#cast us aside when he was born and has fucking tormented both of us for years over who we like what we want where we go all of that shit and#then has the AUDACITY to call herself a good mother. being a good mother is more than feeding your kid and projecting your childhood trauma#onto them by preventing them from ever developing cancer to the point where they’re afraid fo like. go outside. you have to be patient and#nurturing and kind and like.. motherly. ans i know no one can be a perfect mother and she has been hurt so badly and she is dealing with a l#lot right now but COME ON. for gods SAKE. i am right fucking here. why don’t you care about me? why do you make it clearer every day?#ask to tag#like the way she would say when my sister and i were growing up and going through it that she wished she could book a hotel and live there f#far away from us and miss out on us growing up so she wouldn’t have to deal with us being anxious and hormonal because we were teenage girls#LOL. totally did not impact me at all. totally is not a wound that informs every breath i take and every thought i have. not at all#* like maybe he is normal because you uh… idk. just a guess here. actually gave him the motherlove people need to be functioning healthy#human beings? idk. just a silly thought. haha
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exopelagic · 5 months
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auuudggghghhrhrhrbrr
#okay I’m feeling Bad and I need to unpick why before I’ll be able to sleep#friend is asking abt lunch on Friday when I already have standing commitment w other friends then so I can’t do that.#but I also go home on Sunday and I can’t do shit until Friday bc work and I have plans on Saturday so I just. can’t see them#which. I guess makes things easier actually that’s not something I can control and I’m not changing existing plans that’s unfair#I’m also listening to a playlist of old music (Apple Music generated favourites — so literally random picked from everything I’ve ever done#and the last few songs have made me feel Bad bc of being associated with certain times but song playing rn is definitively a good song#w a good memory attached and it’s MY song not one of my old friends#okay where are we#I’m stressed abt presentation on Thursday but also a non issue. I’m prepared. I have all day tomorrow to practice and read up more#and then it’s 20 minutes on Thursday morning I’ll be done before 10am#I am. a little frustrated on a broader scale about the role I’m currently occupying#in that w a bunch of my friends I’m having to be the one with their shit together and dealing with their Stuff.#mostly in the way that I have to be putting in extra effort to tiptoe around them and steer stuff to keep them happy#i can do it i can do it easily I’ve just tasted not having to now so it’s. noticeably different having to do it more#i do Not have the words to talk abt this in the way I want to it’s so annoying#it’s like. I know how my friend responds to stuff. I know the things that make her anxious and what her instinctual responses will be#and I’m constantly having higher level thoughts planning out how things will go it’s effortless and constant it’s just There#with everyone all the time but sometimes I use it more and sometimes I have to because I’m in a position where if I don’t we’ll get nowhere#and I don’t like that I’m having to worry abt keeping other people happy while I’m talking to my friends it removes me a layer from stuff#hrm. there are broader questions here abt the utility of this bc like. sure it helps in some situations#but this probably isn’t great long term for either of us. wild. goddamn talking to my friend abt philosophy opened new parts of my brain#anyway I cba to have those thoughts rn! it’s midnight! I’m going to bed in half an hour <3#it’s honestly unfair that I have to do anything other than be gay and play pokemon#luke.txt#uaUrghrhfhjs I’m also being insane abt a guy. which is predictable and I feel stupid abt for multiple reasons but. here we are.#I’m being insane. and maybe I should be less mean to myself but I feel like I’m being insane.#I think! I need to go to bed!#I am not being insane I am having feelings and that is allowed. feelings are typically regarded as a pretty normal thing to have.#philosophy friend is gonna be so mad at me if anything comes of this but it’s fine and if it does I think I’ll be pretty happy anyway#point is I’m doing nothing wrong and have done nothing wrong and I’m allowed to feel whatever the hell I like. okay.
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itspileofgoodthings · 2 years
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Something HYSTERICALLY funny to me about the literal opening lines of the album being Joe’s silence and calm and Taylor both resting in it but also about to midnight chatter/complain/vent/reminisce/sob for the next 44 minutes
#you can feel him as a place of rest for Taylor#all that not marrying nonsense. like again. Taylor can say what she needs to say as she wrestled with old wounds and crushing expectations#etc.#YOU need to marry her. period. full stop.#it will not be enough for her until/if you do#(I hope you have already and we don’t know but yeah.)#like. it’s literally your job Joseph#okay I’m going to stop talking about this specific aspect of it but yeah.#Taylor’s wounds. the weight of things. her fragile bitter heart#like. you as a calm and reserved British actor with self-possession etc. have literally one job#and it is NOT your acting job#anyway overall I love his presence on the album. somehow more revealing than ever#not his personality in itself but flashes of it I guess. and mostly what he means for Taylor#this anchor of stability that has unlocked (honestly) her potential to be her most insane self#in the BEST way#she doesn’t have to hold back#the OLDER Taylor gets the more I am astonished to find how much agonizing restraint there was in those early albums#of course not all of her vocabulary and darkness and wounds (or loves) were as developed now#but there is this sense that she was keeping herself in such check#in order to be likeable#the fascinating power was still there but the range of her sheer personaltiy#the bitterness the rancor the need for peace even the softness#their deep twisted complicated roots were mostly hidden and disguised#and time reveals them#(though also the funny thing about a taylor album is that it wears sweeter with time)#until I can almost hear no bitterness#but at first that’s ALL I hear
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wernerherzogs · 2 years
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can I ask what you work as? like in which field? :)
i mean i won't give you more details than this but atm it's fin. it's fina-
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hecksupremechips · 5 months
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Constantly torn between writing a character to be just a nice guy and writing that character to be the most fucked up creature in existence
#the klock keeps ticking#like theres a line at some point where you cant make this all one guy but you just. really want to#like yeah lets say we got some fucked up guy who tries really hard to be nice and sweet despite the horrors#but you know what if i want him to get kinda bitchy too cuz how can i expect him not to be? hes been through some shit and hes only human#but how bitchy can i make him before he just kinda becomes an asshole#i guess though people are pretty complicated so sometimes its just kinda like that#i must once again hail rebecca gales as the character ever like girl shes sooooo#shes so genuinely sweet and caring and attentive and shes so bitter selfish and jealous#shes gotta make like the biggest effort to be nice and simultaneously the biggest effort to be mean#its just so refreshing to see idk someone who is generally a good person but shes really fucked up about it#like this doesnt come easy to her! everything in her wants to act like a petty child!#and she does! shes really fucking immature and she thinks shes above it all when shes the worst out of everyone!#and thats just such a nice thing to see just a very human character#and shes just like me for real aaaaaa god like guys this freaking character has helped me cope so bad#like shes not a monster shes just. a person having a bad day and not coping very good#yeah this post wasnt even about her but I made it about her now ive just been thinking about rebecca a lot lately OKAY#we cant all be perfect sometimes we just gotta be rebecca at least im brave enough to admit it#anyways i have pretty similar tangents about ryuki shin marianne shinjiro and junpei
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