#this person constantly tells me the “correct” way to do things (which are in fact not correct lmao)

[tidesreach]

Watching 2x01 and genuinely driving myself crazy with the realization that Buck actually falls for Eddie's personality. He's frustrated by everything else but the minute he sees Eddie being Eddie he starts paying attention. Eddie's intro is everyone else calling him handsome except for Buck. By the end of the episode Buck is cheering for Eddie the hardest and it all came because he likes EDDIE'S PERSONALITY. This following the pattern of him liking Abby before he even met her because he liked her personality?? TO BE SEEN AND FOUND AS A THEME AGAIN!

oh man stoppppp. you are so correct, anon. HE DOES. 2x01 actually makes me crazy. there is so much going on there. buck's immediate feelings about eddie are such a tangled mess. like, there's attraction there, which buck certainly does not recognise is attraction. (the fact that he is the only one who doesn't comment on how attractive eddie is makes me insane. it would have been less revealing if he did actually lmao.) so even though that physical attraction is there, it doesn't even register for buck. and then there's everything else, the feelings deeply rooted in his trauma. that this guy is going to replace him, be better than him, be more worthy than him, that everyone will love him more than buck. thus, the macho posturing and desperate attempts to prove his worth. like, almost immediately he sees eddie as ENEMY because of the perceived threat on his own worth. but then, yeah. eddie is eddie. he's good, he's compassionate, he's competent, he's understanding and non-judgemental. and that's the thing really. THAT’S what pulls buck in.

because EDDIE IS EDDIE. eddie, who sees past buck's knee-jerk reaction of hostility and distrust. like, by all rights eddie could bite back at buck and his deranged behaviour. he could write him off as a dickhead with a big ego and not bother with him, because yeah. buck is being a bit of a dick (affectionate). but he DOESN'T DO THAT because he, well. sees buck. he sees the personality beneath the posturing. he sees that there's more there. that there's some insecurity there. like, buck is constantly trying to provoke a reaction but instead of rising to it with the same hostile energy, eddie's like okay man. what's your problem? then actually listens to what buck's problem is and tries to reason with it. and there's a distinct shift after that. like, even before they pull the grenade out of that guy. there's a moment where eddie's explaining the intricacies of a grenade and its components, and that hostility and exasperation is gone from buck's expression. instead, he looks well. a little impressed. and then, the clincher i think is after, when eddie tells buck that he's badass under pressure. like, GOD. the way buck says "me?" like he’s genuinely asking "wait really? me?" and yeah. THAT’S IT. that's where he falls for eddie's personality, because he's been nothing but hostile towards him and eddie's just like. man, you're great. you can have my back any day. INSANE ACTUALLY.

in hindsight, it really sets up their entire relationship. the way buck just wants to be seen (eddie seeing beyond buck's hostility). and the way eddie just wants someone to be there, to have his back (buck getting into an ambulance with him where there is a live fucking grenade). WILD.

[nicksolemnlyswears]

HAN LUE HEADCANONS PT. 3

pairing: han lue x waitress!reader

word count: 8.7k

warnings: smut

notes: part 3 is finally here! so sorry for the delay. i wanna say thank you for all the love on part 1 and 2 as well as in the requests. this will be the last part of the waitress!reader headcanons for now. i left the ending open to give myself space to come back and add more if i'd like. i've been thinking of doing a mini series of han and that other person that comes up in the end (sorry im trying not to give anything away).

if you guys want me to expand on any part of the headcanons even if it's just a one liner let me know and maybe i can write a small drabble or oneshot on it.

i have my fingers crossed that you like how it turns out. i definitely have a favorite part of this particular part of the headcanons. again, thank you! enjoy!

ps. want to add a little warning that these headcanons might not be the most grammatically correct in terms of punctuation just because i don't go deep editing. it's a choice i make but if you've read my oneshots you know i am better than this lol.

PT.2

-everyone has a side of the bed, you and han are not an exception. from the first moment you slept over at han's the side farthest from the door has been your side.

-on a random day the conversation comes up and you ask han why the side closest to the door is his side. he tells you it's in case an intruder were to break in (which is highly unlikely) you'd have time to escape.

-lowkey all this time you guessed he picked that side because it's right under the ac vent and he gets hot at night. so you call out his bullshit and he admits that's partly the reason, but what he said remains true, it's safer for him to be right by the door. ridiculous because there is no way you are going to run away and leave han to fend for himself.

-talking about apartments and sides of beds. when you moved out of your place you brought along a box or two of knick knacks that couldn't be stored in a warehouse. you placed them strategically around han’s (now both of yours) apartment.

-han admits he likes having a shared space with you. you gave it a different flare with your decorations. or simply, you took away the fact that it was a former bachelor pad.

-he likes coming home to you everyday. whenever you stay with mindy, for one reason or another, it feels lonely. something he'd never felt before. it's like somewhere along the way he got attached to you and now he's constantly seeking you out.

-one thing han detests though is the abundance of pillows on his bed. you don’t even use all of them! before going to bed you throw them by the chair on the corner of the room. he says it's pointless, you say it's decor.

-because you have a semi normal schedule now you have more time to visit han at his garage. you make sure to talk a bit with reiko and han's other friends but most of the time he steals you away from them.

-if the crew at han's garage is not careful they run the risk of finding you and han in compromising positions. you try to prevent han from getting carried away but it's hard when you want him just as much. you've had to apologize to twinkie and sean one too many times. poor boys can't even look you in the eyes after what they've witnessed.

-han is the type of guy to tell you to check something out under the hood of the car despite you warning him you don't know shit about cars. he couldn't care less, it's an excuse to see your ass bent over his car.

-you would be talking to him about how it all looks like a bunch of scrap metal when you feel him pressing up against your backside. you'd look over your shoulder and han would say 'everyone went out to grab a bite. thought i'd have mine right here, baby.'

-you would roll your eyes at him but would push up against him nonetheless. in record time he'd push down your pants and underwear and sink his cock into you. you hang on to whatever part of the car you can as han thrusts repeatedly into you. 'you look so fucking pretty, baby. should’ve gotten you like this sooner.’

-all this time you're moaning and calling out his name. until he suddenly slaps his hand over your mouth to keep you quiet. with slow deep thrusts he'd lean down to whisper in your ear 'fuck, baby. they're back, but don't worry i'm almost done. just keep quiet for me.'

-han knows his way around your body so with precise touches to your clit and the angle of his thrusts he makes you cum quickly which prompts his orgasm as well. his near silent grunts are music to your ears.

-by the time sean comes looking for him han is bent besides you on the car pointing at something called a radiator. had he been there 5 seconds earlier he would've found han tucking himself into his jeans and you pulling up your pants.

-with han's help you get the restaurant running in eight months. it was a long eight months filled with work, day and night. the old diner was remodeled in its entirety which included kitchen, storage area, and dining space.

-you lovingly named the restaurant CATCH MY DRIFT. it's cheesy and punny but you love it. you found it necessary to pay homage to han in some way.

-the soft launch is successful thanks to your staff, some of which are the same people you worked with when it was a diner. you and han invited friends and other important people who would help spread the word about your little restaurant.

-mindy was in charge of the restaurants social media. she made it her mission to help you succeed and she did a wonderful job. she took beautiful pictures of both the restaurant and you. the socials began gaining a following pretty quickly thanks to her and her abilities.

-after the first official day of the restaurant being open and all the staff left, you prepared a table with candles and rose petals. there is one last person you had to serve for the night.

-han had been there with you through it all. he's been your support through every sleepless night and anxiety attack due to your fear of failing. he made last minute runs to get anything you might've forgotten and forced you on aimless drives around town to get your mind off things.

-han made your dream a reality. han wove himself seamlessly through all your hopes and dreams and became an integral part of them. now you can't see your life without him by your side.

-han returned to the restaurant under the impression he was going to pick you up. you might not work the night shift as a waitress anymore and you know how to drive now too, but he'll always pick you up and take you home. it gives him time to talk to you before you go through your night routine, head to bed and he heads out to the races or any other errand he has to run.

-when he enters he sees the romantic setting and you waiting for him in a beautiful red dress. you smiled softly at him and took his hand in yours.

"what's all this?" han asks, following you to the table where you pull his chair out for him.

"it's a thank you," you say, walking around the table to find your seat that faces him.

"you didn't have to, baby. you've been working all day," han shakes his head, although there's a grin plastered in his face. he appreciates what you've done.

you've told him countless times how much it means to you everything he's done. the moment he walked into your life he changed it all for the better.

"maybe i didn't, but i wanted to. all of this was possible because of you," you tell him, grabbing his hand that lays on the table, "will you let me start making it up to you?"

-it's come up on your late night conversations how you're guilty of han spending so much money on you. the last thing you want is to make him believe you're with him for the money. so you take each opportunity that presents itself to make it up to him.

"alright. what you got?" han asks.

you uncover the dinner plates to reveal a simple bacon burger with fries. no pickles. han's smile spreads even further touched by the gesture. it's been a long time since he's had one of these.

"i figured you missed your order considering i have been feeding you fancy dishes all these months," you chuckle, remembering all the tastings han had to go through. "i'll always have a stock of burgers and fries just for you. all you have to do is ask."

"have i told you i love you," han says, lacing your fingers together.

you hum quietly, pretending to think and say, "not today." you bring his hand up to your lips, kissing the back of it.

"i love you, baby," han repeats for the first time today but for the thousandth time since he said it first.

-there are times where han runs out of his snacks and doesn't have access to a store immediately. wether it's because he's at the races or driving around the country side or any other reason.

-when this happens he gets really antsy. he'll pick at loose threads, or at the skin around his fingers, he'll drum his fingers against something, or his leg will bounce. it's very noticeable that something is bothering him.

-it happens while on a trip around europe. han planned it as a vacation for the two of you for your second anniversary. he (you) had exhausted all his snacks and you were about an hour away from civilization. an idea suddenly pops into your head, han wants to have his hands and lips busy and you have the perfect thing.

-you take off your seatbelt and lean over the center consol. han doesn't question you until you kiss his cheek down to his neck.

"what're you doing, baby?" he murmurs, his eyes briefly looking at you before they return to the long stretch of pavement.

"making you crave something else," you whisper in his ear, biting his earlobe.

"get in my lap," he immediately responds. han's pretty tall so there's a huge gap between his chest and the steering wheel, leaving his lap free for you to sit on. 'if i fits i sits' style.

-you don't hesitate, since you've adopted han's risky behavior. once in his lap he catches his lips on yours. the focus he has to maintain on the road while kissing you is enough to make him forget his cravings.

-you eventually forget what lead you to this as you get lost in the kiss. it's not often you get to take the upper hand. taking advantage of the situation you slip your tongue inside han's mouth, massaging his tongue with yours.

-when he makes it to a gas station in the middle of nowhere he parks far away from the pump. you whine about having to walk the long distance to the convenience store.

"i need you now, baby," he grunts, grabbing the back of your neck to smash his lips against yours and showing you his true intentions.

"hannie this car is tiny, it'll be so uncomfortable," you whine against his lips.

"it's either the half a millon car or the public bathroom," he breathes, lifting your dress without waiting for your answer.

"i can make it work here," you huff, straddling him. you bump your head on the roof of the car but han quickly pulls you down flush against his covered cock.

"that's what i thought," he groans into your mouth as you grind against him.

-when you finish your risky endeavor you stumble out of the car and speed to the bathroom to clean yourself. han goes inside to grab snacks and pay for gas. he grabs snacks for you as well seeing that was what led him to run out in the first place. you made up for it in your own way though.

-in terms of your family, you haven't talked to them in about four years. once you spoke up about hating your college major and the fact you were gonna switch they presented you with a choice. continue the path your father paved for you or leave.

-you gave it a lot of thought. you finished your semester and everything. but in the end you decided you didn't want it. you hated your classes and was miserable. so you left. and your father told you not to come back unless you got your priorities straight.

-mindy took you in, let you live with her while you found a new place to live and a job. without your parents support you couldn't afford the culinary school you wanted to go to. with what little savings you had you got your apartment and soon found a job in the american themed diner.

-the diner was your saving grace. they let you stay on the overnight shifts. you didn't have a family to go to, you didn't exactly go to school during the day either, so it worked.

-you had other jobs along with the diner but none lasted and then han came along and it all changed for the better.

-you think about your family often. you remember your parents and sisters birthday and the anniversaries. when those days come along you keep yourself occupied.

-one night you and your staff are cleaning after a long shift and the door chimes as someone enters. you ignore it believing it's han that's come to give you company and take you home, but someone clearing their throat makes you look up.

-your mom stands there, she's still the same as the last day you saw her. her clothes are as expensive as ever, her shoes and bag matching perfectly.

"i thought i'd find you here," she speaks smoothly with her head held high as she assesses the restaurant.

"how did you find me?" you ask not giving her the pleasure to have your full attention as you finish wiping down tables.

"there's been buzz going around about a brand new restaurant. one of my friends came and saw you," she goes silent. "she was right, it's a nice place, is this all yours?"

"is there something you want?" you ask her, finally facing her. you didn't feel inclined to go on to explain your mysteriously wealthy boyfriend funded it.

"we need to talk," she tells you plainly as if she hasn't lost the right to speak to you.

"we're talking," you huff, ignoring the true meaning of her words.

"in private," your mom grits, grabbing hold of your arm much like when you were younger and refused to listen.

-to avoid a scene you know she's fully capable of making you guide her to your office. it's simply decorated with a desk and a few chairs scattered around. there's a white board on the wall where you write down your menu ideas and to do lists. there are also sticky notes on it that han has left behind throughout the months. some are sweet and encouraging and some are naughtier with innuendos and inside jokes.

"talk," you say when she stands in the middle of the room taking it all in.

"is that a way to treat your mother?" she scolds you.

"we haven't seen each other in four years and you suddenly come here. just say what you have to say," you angrily exclaim, crossing your arms over your chest.

"i never agreed with what your father did," she then reveals.

"and yet you didn't do a single thing about it. either way, he got his perfect daughter" you humorlessly laugh, referring to your sister who did everything your father expected of you. "is that why you're here? to suddenly apologize?"

"i want you to come back home," she responds.

you shake your head, "that's not happening. i have a life and i can't drop it just because you want me to. besides it's not like dad wants me there."

"he does, he's too stubborn to admit it, please come back," your mother pleads, forcefully grabbing your hand in hers.

"why now? i refuse to believe this is coming out of nowhere." you rip your hand from hers and a disappointed expression crosses her face.

"your dad is sick. the doctors don't think he has a lot of time," she gulps, turning her back to you.

you're quiet as you process her words, "i'll think about it. if you'll excuse me i have a restaurant to take care of."

you leave her behind and see her walk out of the restaurant soon after. your mind remains busy there after as you mull over her words.

-days go by of constantly thinking about it. han notices the moment he picks you up that night but wants to give you time to bring it up. except you don't.

-three days later he finds you in his bathroom, deep in your thoughts in his bathtub, the water a bright pink from a bathbomb you must've used.

-he gets in the tub with you. the water is still hot as he sinks in and sits behind you. you must've gotten in not long ago. instantly you relax against him. han wraps his arms around you, tracing figures against your stomach and thighs.

"rough week, baby?" he murmurs in your ear.

"mm yes, the delivery came late, not once but twice. burned my finger, cut my finger, burnt some food, feel like a loser," you list out, rubbing his thighs which are around you.

"it's one bad week, among a sea of other good ones," he reminds you, lacing his hands with yours.

"hope so or i'm retiring at the ripe age of twenty six," you smile, turning your head slightly to kiss his jaw.

"it's okay. i'll be your sugar daddy," he jokes with you. although he definitely would be your sugar daddy if you decide not to work another day in your life.

-theres a glass of wine by the bathtub that han notices. you only drink wine when something is troubling you. with gentle coaxing han convinces you to tell him what's been on your mind.

-it's he who convinces you to go and see your dad at least once. he put into perspective you might regret it in the future. you're not doing it for them, you're doing it for yourself.

-you contact your mom and tell her your decision. she invites you over for dinner. it'll be just the four of you. you didn't want to bring han in case all hell broke loose.

-as you get ready han helps you with the clasp of your high heels. you prop your foot in his knee, your dress riding up, revealing your black lacy underwear. he takes the opportunity to caress your leg from your thigh down to your ankle. he'd buckle the strap of the heels he gifted you that make your ass look great and then he'd kiss your knee.

-han would repeat the process on your other leg too. only that after you straighten up he'd pull you down to his lap to kiss you and try to convince you to a quicky. just this once you don't give in. you don't want to cast a bad impression by being late to see your family for the first time in four years.

-nervously you knock on the door. your mom answers and she welcomes you in. it's oddly strange to be back in this house, you feel out of place. you peep the wall where your parents measured you and your sister when you were growing up. the dent on the wall you caused using your bike inside. your childhood is present still.

-your mom failed to mention she didn't tell anyone you were coming as your sister is quick to stand "what is she doing here?"

"i invited her," your mom tell her.

your dad is quiet as you take a seat where you always sat when you lived there. there's an unbearable silence until he speaks, "can i ask why the sudden appearance?"

"mom told me about your situation," you tell him with a frown.

"what situation?" he prompts, looking at your mother.

"that your sick...although you look pretty healthy to me," you softly say, redirecting your gaze towards your mother.

"i lied yes, but i thought this was the only way to get you here," she shakily admits, secretly hoping you don't up and leave.

"mom, oh god," you sigh in relief. your shoulder no longer holding the weight of your father possibly dying.

"do you realize how fucked up that is?" your sister adds.

"it got her here!" your mom yells, making everyone go quiet.

-the rest of dinner goes by as normal as it can. your parent ask you about your new life and everything you've been doing. it was agonizing. you answer most of their question albeit reluctantly.

-the question you've been dreading comes up. 'are you dating anybody?' you tell them you're in a two year and a half relationship.

-you avoid saying he's the one that funded the restaurant. you owe everything to han but if you tell them it was him who put in the money they will probably discredit you and your abilities.

-your dad calls you over to his office to talk after dinner, your sister glares at you, she's upset you chose to leave, cause it means you turned your back to the whole family. she believes you're selfish because you 'forced' the family business onto her.

-you emptily apologize for coming home when he told you not. surprisingly he asks you about your new priorities and although they don't necessarily align with what he had in mind for you, he accepts them and asks you to be around more.

-more importantly he apologizes for what he did. he had a health scare recently and realize he wanted you by his side (it’s where your mom got the idea). after talking to him you leave. going back to talking to your family will be hard because for the longest time you suppressed it.

-han waits for you back home, your true home. he's watching tv, an old japanese movie from the 90s. you tell him all about your family dinner and how your mom lied but he was right. you would've regretted not going.

-feeling good about your night you give in to han's advances. throughout the night he couldn't shake off the sight of you in your pretty dress and heels. he doesn't ruin the illusion as he only takes off your panties. the dress and heels stay on as he fucks you, your legs pressed to your chest as he wants to be as deep and close to you as possible.

-while your parents want you back in their life you don't instantly go back, choosing to show them you got back on your feet without them. you have a new life.

-but once your moms birthday rolls around you don't feel the need to busy yourself, instead you pick up the phone and give her a call wishing her a 'happy birthday'.

-han eventually meets your family. your mom is instantly charmed by him so much so that by the end she has him calling her by her first name. he certainly made a great impression with the flowers and expensive earrings he picked out for her.

-your dad takes longer to come around but by the end of the night han has him wrapped around his pinky finger as well. your dad likes that he's a 'business man'. if only he knew how shady han really is.

-in just in a few hours they were able to see how much you and han care for each other. it's in the way han searches for you in the busy room. he looks out for you constantly in a non-possessive way. or the way you constantly reach out for him to hold his hand or wrap his arm around you.

-han is not one for big and elaborate love gestures. he believes in showing his love and appreciation everyday with smaller gestures. like restocking your skin care products when you're running low or leaving hand warmers on your coat pockets in the cold winters or buying take out of whatever food you're craving.

-he listens to you when you rant about your interests like the new season of Game of Thrones or about a new compilation that came out of your favorite artist. he'd make an effort to learn about it just so he can have an input in your conversation. han loves the way your eyes light up whenever he voices out an opinion, especially when it goes against yours.

-'friendly' debates are your thing as a couple. it's coincidental that in some minor things your opinions are different. like if the dress is 'black and blue' or 'gold and white'. you swear its black and blue but han insists it's not.

-the same goes for you, because you see all the effort han makes for you, you try and learn about cars and drifting and learn the names of whatever technique is popular. you learn about his favorite foods and favorite movies (which are mostly american and from the 90s) and tag along for the occasional race.

-han's favorite way of showing you his love is with colorful post-it notes. you'd often find them in your office in the restaurant, in the mirror you use to get ready for the day, the fridge door, on your kitchen counter along with your favorite chocolate bar. you'd even find them on the depths of your purse.

-funny thing is you've never caught him sticking them anywhere. so it's always a fun surprise.

'don't worry about lunch today. i'll stop by the restaurant with your favorite! -h'

'i love you, baby -h'

'roses are red, violets are blue, i love you, let’s go screw -h'

'cutie pie ;) -h'

'stop stealing my peanut crackers :( -h'

'you're both my favorite chef and my favorite meal -h'

-after two and a half years of dating han you finally get the opportunity to meet the toretto crew. they would be staying in japan for about a month in a mansion they rented out in the mountains.

-han is beyond excited that his friends are visiting. he constantly talks about them and has all these plans for when they arrive.

-you're nervous to say the least. this is his chosen family and he's been through so much with them. gisele was part of that family too and you feel the pressure of being compared to her once you meet them.

-you convince han to go meet up with then first and you'd join them later that night. you didn't want him to wait so long for you to finish work. besides in your mind it's better if he catches up with them before you get there. you wanted him to enjoy being with his friends without worrying about you.

-when the day finally comes you say goodbye to a sleepy han, go prep the restaurant, work your butt off for the day and once you clos the restaurant you go to mindy's house to get ready.

-you visit her to distract yourself and to have someone call you ridiculous for being afraid of meeting han's friends. it also helps as she distracts you with talk of her newish relationship.

-as you scramble through your toiletry bag looking for a hair tie, you push away your deodorant, tampons, dry shampoo. but you come back to the tampons realizing it's been over six weeks since your last cycle...

"mindy!"

"i know what i said was out of bounds but he called me a dramatic bitch!" mindy exclaims from her spot on the bed where she scrolls through instagram.

"tampons!" you yell, pulling them out of your bag.

"what about them?" she asks, looking at you over her phone.

"i haven’t used them.”

"you want me to give you a prize or something?" she mumbles, shooting you a strange look.

"no, mindy, no. i haven't gotten my period!' you begin pacing around the room with the box of tampons in your grasp.

mindy jumps from the bed and begins panicking as well, “oh, we'e going through this. we're having the pregnancy scare, how exciting! every pair of best friends have to go through this."

-mindy runs to the pharmacy on her block to get you a pregnancy test while you chug down two water bottles. she gets you one of each test they had. you had to pee but your nerves made it difficult. mindy forced you to chug down a soda too cause if you don’t pee wilingly you'll do it forcefully.

-through all this mess han calls you. he's been expecting you for the past hour. everyone is excited to meet you. he's spoken so much about you and your name has slipped past his lips a few times during the day. they can tell he's more than obsessed with you.

"hey baby, are you on your way?"

you’re dressed but your makeup is barely done. considering the stress you’re currently going through you definitely have to put on some makeup.

mindy motions to you to respond as she holds your phone on you hands because you were washing your hands free of pee.

"h-hey hannie, two more minutes and ill be on my way. mindy is going to take me," you scrunch your eyes at the stutter. you never stutter!

"okay, let me know when you're nearly here," he says unsure.

"mhm, bye," you say, motioning for mindy to hang up.

"girl that wasn't smooth. he knows something is up," she flat out tells you.

"you're not helping," you grumble.

-while the three minutes tick away mindy forces you to sit and have a chat. she asks if you’ve talked to han about a future together. marriage and kids and the whole deal. she asks what you want to do if the result comes back positive. she’s cool being the fun cool aunt but if you don’t want to go through with it she’ll be your confidant and drive you to the clinic.

-once your phone alarm goes off you walk into the bathroom alone. with a racing heart you turn on the phone to record yourself because be damned you don't have this reaction to show han later. baby or not.

-one test after another you turn them around with shaky hands and they all say the same thing, p o s i t i v e

-you sob not out of sadness but overwhelmed. this is so messy. you just got the restaurant running, you're not married and you are expecting a baby. the only thing that seems right is that it's the love of your life's baby.

-you step out the bathroom ten long minutes after. with one look mindy knows all she has to know. she helps you finish getting ready, puts drops in your eyes to reduce the redness and drives you over to han. on the way out you give yourself a look in the mirror but you look just the same. you're only a couple of weeks along it would be crazy to see a difference so soon but you already know everything is different.

-mindy drops you off after hyping you up all the way to your destination.

"thanks for bringing her," han says, helping you out the suv.

"anytime, she might have her license but there’s no way i’m letting her drive." she jokes at your expense.

"i’m not that bad a driver. you just don’t let me practice," you defend yourself.

-han grabs your hand and your bag and walks you to the front door, you can hear music and chatter from his friends. but he stops before going on.

-he asks if you’re okay. and you tell him you’re nervous, a half lie. han nods in understanding. ‘they’ll love you, baby.’

-he kisses your lips lightly before opening the door because he hasn’t seen you all day and he missed you. but of course roman pierce has to interrupt. he opens the door, interrupting their moment, ‘aye! she's here han is hogging her.’

-roman insists he knows japanese and tries greeting you using the language. you respond fully in japanese just to fuck with him, even adding the bow in your greeting. he bows back and just stares back with an empty smile. he did not understand a word you just said.

-han pushes past him and leads you to where everyone is gathered. he introduces you to everyone and you say 'hi, it's nice to finally meet all you. i've heard so much!'

roman stands besides han with a scowl and whispers. ‘man you could’ve told me she speaks english.’

-you are received with open arms as han introduces you to everyone that came along. dominic, letty, mia, brian, tej, roman, ramsey and all of their kids. it’s nice to be able to place faces to the names you’ve heard for the last two years.

-with you now present they ask all about how you and han met, eager to view your perspective. you respond as much as you can, laughing at the quirky remarks the others throw. they tease han like never before and he deserves it because he went MIA for three years.

-it's enough to make you forget momentarily about the pregnancy tests in your overnight bag. until letty offers you a beer, you pause but react quick enough where no one notices your hesitation. you'll just have to sneak your way around this one.

-han is a lot more reserved around the toretto crew than when he's around sean or twinkie. there's no big in-your-face make out sessions or random gropes of your ass. he respects the crew to much to subject them to that.

-doesn't mean he's not constantly attached to you. throughout the night han has his arm around your shoulders or his hand pressed on the small of your back. it helps a lot ease your nerves when facing the room of friendly strangers.

-eventually the subject of your restaurant comes up. you barely get the name out when ramsey squeals in excitement. turns out she's a big foodie with an instagram account and on her to-do list for japan is visiting your restaurant. she didn't know you were the same person until now. 'you're all welcome whenever you'd like. i'm there most of the week,' you tell the bunch.

-as the hours go by the crew starts turning in for the night. han pulls you up from the couch you were sitting on and guides you to a room.

"what did you think?" han asks as you both change into your pajamas.

"you were right they are all very welcoming. even if i have only known them for a few hours i see you guys have a very familial relationship."

you sit on the edge of the bed with your head hanging. the weight of your secret is crushing you down, your stomach has been swirling since you and han retreated to the bedroom.

han stands in front of you, tilting your head up to look at him. his eyes are soft as he rubs his thumb across your cheek. "what's wrong, baby?"

"'you love me, right?" your eyes fill with tears. suddenly feeling an unreasonable fear in the pit of your stomach. han has shown you more than enough times how much he loves you.

"more than anyone i have ever loved," he assures you. han is concerned. you've never been overly emotional and nothing has happened that he's aware off.

you hug him by the waist, burying your head on his stomach. he hugs you back, holding your head and running a hand up and down your back.

you pull back from his embrace, wiping your tears and some snot and manage to hiccup your news, 'hannie, i-i'm pregnant.'

han freezes momentarily. he thinks he heard you incorrectly but he couldn't have. your words were clear. leaning down in front of you so he's level with your- still not showing-belly he gasps, "we're having a baby?"

-one nod of yours causes a tsunami of questions. when did you find out? how? are you happy? how far along? boy or girl?

-han is over the moon. he is taken aback by just how happy he feels. he wants this but he thought it wouldn't happen for another year or two. the baby is more than welcome though.

-just earlier today he had been thinking about having kids with you as he watched the o'conner and toretto children run around.

-with both of your emotions running high han pulls you close and kisses you like never before. he takes you to bed and fucks you hard and deep and slow. him on top of you, never ceasing his attack on your lips. whenever he does it’s to tell you he loves you and how happy you’ve made him. it's like he wants to get you pregnant all over again.

-'wait, is that why you were switching our beers earlier?' han asks when you’re laying in bed, your head on his chest. you laugh at his question, having forgotten your attempts at not drinking alcohol.

-at around 4 am you and han sneak to the kitchen where you make a snack. you were starving and so was han. he sits you on the kitchen counter as you eat. he stands between your thighs speaking softly about future plans with your baby now included in them.

-'it's 4 am, don't you two sleep?' its tej who came downstairs for water. he shakes his head in disapproval at the two of you going back to his bedroom once he got his water.

-letty is the one to bring up the happiness that oozes out of you and han the following days, 'you two look awfully happy.'

"got some good news the other day," han softly drawls, "you want to tell them?"

you're sitting on his lap with his hand wrapped around your waist as you nod, "we're expecting a little lue."

-the crew is nearly as happy as the two of you. they congratulate the both of you. the girls whipping you away from han to ask all the questions and give you any advice you might need. the guys tease han about not wasting any time with you.

-han is surprised yet not because you two go at it like rabbits. he's surprised he didn't get you knocked up before then. your birth control must've given up.

-han is happy, he is content, he is satisfied. you're pregnant and having his baby. the crew visiting tokyo only amplified his joy. not even roman's teasing put a dent on him.

-as he's talking to dom, brian and tej a question comes up. is han going to ask you to marry him? his response is simple. no. or at least not yet. he doesn't want to ask you to marry him just because he knocked you up. when he asks he wants you to be sure that it's because he wants it too. and he does want it right now, he adores you. the baby only put his plans to propose on pause. he knows you're the one for him, he's known for a while and he's in no rush.

-his life has consisted about running and races and winning. but with you it's different. he feels like he can slow down and take things at his own leisure pace. make things right and give you everything you deserve.

-you've never called han daddy. it's not your kink and you don't think it's his either considering he hasn't asked you to call him that. now that you're expecting you have teasingly been calling him that. he finds it endearing to say the least.

he passes you something across the table? 'thanks daddy'

'can daddy do the dishes?'

'mommy has a craving for rocky road ice cream, do you think daddy will be good and get some for me baby?' you ask looking down at your belly.

-pregnancy is not kind to you at first. in the first trimester, everything you eat ends up flushed down the toilet. you're miserable. han sympathizes with you and helps you out as much as he can. holds your hair back, rubs your back, prepares your toothbrush, etc.

-because of all the puking you barely show at first until suddenly you popped and the nausea stopped in the second trimester. that's when you started noticing the pregnancy glow and felt cute enough to highlight your bump with your clothes.

-han is obsessed with it. each night when he goes to sleep he puts a hand on your bump and talks to the baby. whether you're asleep or not. he'll rub his hand on your stomach soothing any pain or nausea you might feel.

-han goes with you to each and every doctors appointment. he doesn't dare miss one. he loves when the doctor sets up the ultrasound and the baby starts shaping up and taking form as the weeks go by.

-han keeps a picture of an ultrasound in his car. along with one of you two. it's everything he loves all in one place.

-han is the first to feel the baby kick surprisingly. it's one of those nights he returned home from the races. he settled in bed and touched your growing belly. it's slick from all the oils and lotions you apply to try and prevent stretch marks. then he feels it a small 'thud' he thinks he imagines it, until it happens again.

"baby, wake up," he softly calls you, rousing you from sleep.

"what's wrong, hannie?" you mutter with your eyes still closed.

"the baby is kicking," he whispers, grabbing your hand and placing it where he felt the kick. his hand over yours.

"no, it's no- oh my god, it is," you shiver finding the sensation a bit strange at first. you spend the next hour just waiting to feel the baby kick again.

-when you tell your parents you're pregnant they become the most doting grandparents ever. they start buying everything and anything they can get their hands on. it's their first grandchild and most of their friends already have grandchildren. they want to be the best. plus, they feel like they owe it to you for what they did.

-although han's apartment is bigger than yours you don't believe it's big enough for a baby. you spend months apartment hunting until you find the perfect place. a three bedroom, two bathroom penthouse.

-you insisted it was too much space but han reassured you it's not. because he wants more children and he doesn't want to move again when you have another baby. your words were:

'give me a break hannie, i haven't even pushed the first out. let's see how it goes."

-with pregnancy a woman goes through many changes. besides your bump han's favorite is still your tits which have grown larger. he notices that change instantly, but with each gain there is a loss. the piercings had to go. you also tease han that now he'll have to share.

-not surprisingly pregnancy does a number on you and you get hornier than ever. it's like constantly ovulating and having to be pounded. which doesn't make sense cause you're already pregnant.

-it's not something han finds himself complaining about. it's fun to explore the changes your body is going through and how the sensations shift. like how your nipples get very sensitive in your pregnancy and how han takes advantage of that.

-you go on a journey of finding your self-love once more. the changes your body go through are out of your control, they are necessary to sustain the life inside of you and yet some made you insecure.

-the love you felt for your bump at first then made you insecure as it grew larger and stretch marks decorated it. you're not used to the sight. sure you've always had some faded ones on your thighs or your boobs but you've had them for so long you got used to them. these were long and red and they made you cry.

-for about a week you felt so insecure and looked for ways around being intimate with han because if you hate them surely he will too.

"lets get this off, baby," han says, pulling up your silky night dress up your thighs.

"no, no, let's keep it on," you laugh it off, holding hans hands with yours.

"alright, what's going on?" he asks, leaving his hands on your thighs and squeezing them lovingly.

"what do you mean?" you feign innocence.

"baby, don't think i haven't noticed you've been covering up and acting strange."

you avoid his gaze but he cups your cheek and returns it back to his. "i'm scared you won't like the way i look now," you mutter.

"are you joking? i've never liked the way you looked more than i do now," he speaks without any hesitation.

"really?" you peer up at him through your lashes.

"oh yeah. i think this is the sexiest you've ever looked. you're carrying my baby, how can i not like the body that's helping it grow and keeping it safe? And you know i love how much more responsive and sensitive you've gotten."

"oh god, you've made me even hornier," you say, pulling him down to kiss him.

"and you're glowing and look so cute waddling around the house," he teases, breaking the kiss.

"i do not waddle!" yes. you, in fact, do.

-han is always asking for the baby to kick, those lazy morning spent in bed, he'll have a hand on your belly talking to the it.

"come on kid, kick for daddy"

"let them be, it's not your bladder they're kicking"

he softly apologizes, knowing that as the day gets nearer the more trips to the bathroom you make.

-han dotes on you every second of every day, he barely leaves your side. you need something to drink or eat? he'll get it. your feet hurt? hell massage them. get cravings? he'll make a trip to the convenience store.

-as a couple you decided to keep the gender of the baby a surprise. which just led to the two of you to place bets on what's it gonna be. han swears you're hanging low (whatever that means) so you'll be having a boy and because of your morning sickness you think it's a girl.

-realistically both you and han are fine with either one. which is why you'll be trying for another one when the time comes. if it turns out the same gender you'll try for a third, but that's all! if all three turn out the same, tough luck!

-you go into a small crisis thinking you'll never be able to wear your short dresses and skirts. you're going to be a mom surely you'll have to dress like one? han assures you you can wear whatever you want because he knows you'll be a good mom, which is all that matters. plus, he likes seeing you wear that type of clothes.

-han invests in another car. one he never though of having. a toyota sienna le. it's a minivan. always one for cars, han details it, adds leather seat covers, a few cool features and an overly complicated car seat.

-as your due date nears you spend more and more time in bed with han, having sex obviously. you had read somewhere it was good for contractions and when you go into labor. plus, you just had these boosts of energy and it was the only way to get you to sleep.

-han eventually stops working for takashi. more people are at risk now if he continues. takashi lets him go without much trouble. han did help him expand his business a lot quicker had he done it by himself.

-when the time comes to give birth, han races to the hospital in his new minivan. finds it stressful cause the thing can't go as fast as his precious mazda. but he makes it to the hospital in record time.

-your doctor is waiting for you, they have a room prepared for you. han stays by your side through it all even as you curse him out through your pain. your labor is long and painful being a first time mom and all.

-at some point you start crying that you can't do it and han is there to wipe your tears away and tell you you can. it's holding his hand that you push and push. he doesn't whine or complain once, ignoring the insults you throw at him and the pain in his hand.

-then it happens, a cry resonates through the room and your hand stops squeezing his. the nurse places your baby on your chest. it has a full head of dark hair already.

"it's a girl," the nurse coo's.

-han didn't think he'd be able to love someone as much as he loves you. he's proven wrong as he softly touches his baby girls head. she's slimey and a little ugly (being a newborn and all) but this emotion swells his chest and tears well up in his eyes.

-you softly call out his name and he looks at you and just says, 'i love you.’

-to make up for your pain han gets you a push gift. it's a pretty golden necklace. it has a thin chain and a pendant with a little gem, behind the pendant the initial of your baby girls name is engraved. it has enough space to add when your family expands eventually.

-fatherhood suits him. he's patient and soft spoken and baby girl adores him. han is a night owl so he has no problem getting up at night to feed his baby girl or change her diaper.

-it takes time to adapt and start feeling like yourself again but han makes it easy for you. he loves you no matter what and does everything possible to make the transition a smoother one. you gave him everything he wanted and more.

-you left the restaurant in good hands while you rode out the last month of your pregnancy and the first two postpartum. returning to work felt good. you love baby girl but getting out the house without puke on your shoulder was necessary.

-han stays with her during the morning embracing being a stay at home dad. granted he slips out now and then to the races or to hang out at the garage. in fact, when baby girl is older he sets up an area just for her.

-sean and twinkie make fun of him and his minivan. to which han threatens to kick them out the garage they don't even have to pay for.

-when your baby girl is almost 1 year old, he pops the question. it was date night, your parents were taking care of the baby. he picked you up in his orange mazda that just so happened matched your nails. you were back to wearing your usual dresses and sparkly heels. although you were rebuilding the confidence you had two years ago.

he took you to dinner and then dessert and then you walked through a park. it's cherry blossom season you had to make the most of it. that's when he does it. under the rain of sakura flowers he asked his question.

"will you marry me, baby?" han asks, down in one knee.

"i thought you would never ask," you cry out, extending your hand so he can slip the ring on your finger.

"that's not an answer," he teases, before he slides the ring on your finger.

"yes! it's a yes!"

finally he puts the ring on your finger and it's just like you'd imagine it to be.

-you have your ceremony not even a year after. the toretto crew comes back to japan. even hans family (that you've only met like twice in four years) attends. your family and friends are invited as well. mindy is your maid of honor and your baby girl the ring bearer.

-it's on your honeymoon, that is really more like a family vacation because baby girl is with you, that you tell han a little secret.

'We're having another baby!'

a/n:

if you’d like to scream at me or cry with me about the headcanons feel free to send me a message through the asks! i didn't think before making this blog a sideblog so i can't answer comments from this account but from my main.

lol in case you didn't catch that i'd like to make a mini series of sorts of han with his baby girl. i've got ideas floating around so if it's something you'd be interested in let me know!

also been thinking of making a brian o'connor one shot or something cause those baby blues are irresistible.

bye!

[brimleysbears]

(Featured media: Burl Ives and Rock Hudson - from The Spiral Road, 1962)

"Fan" fiction erotica - "Hollywood Confessions: My Date With Big Daddy"

Post 4 of 4

Epilogue:

A Horny Old Bull

To conclude, I was in fact on the pill, after all, it was 1963; therefore no, I didn’t begat a cute little chubby Ives child, although sometimes I wish I had. Although that man could be a bit of a creep at times, like most men I suppose, I’ll never forget that night with Big Daddy. In fact, as much as it was embarrassing, there were other reasons why I kept that story to myself after all these years. I admit, that was the most fun I’ve ever had with a man. Sometimes I question whether I was head over heels in love with that big old brute.

As much as I wanted to see him again, I found out soon afterwards that he had actually scheduled all of those men to see him that night with the intention of not telling me, while planning on having sex with me, in order for the meetings to coincide with his coitus. I never found out exactly why he did that, and if it was his intention to use me or not. I was angry for a season and never wanted to see him again after that, but looking back, I regret not seeing him more times. I would have liked to get all of his seed in me and looked at him face to face the entire time that he had his climax. I would have liked to try other things with him, and maybe even be his mistress when he was working in Hollywood. The more I learned about what probably did happen, was that he was proud to seduce a young dancer like myself, and although I don’t like to be someone’s ‘bragging rights’, in a way I felt honored. One of the older ladies at the Manhattan cocktail party said, “sounds to me like he was just trying to get those businessmen off his back and find ways to taunt them.”

As I spoke to my girlfriends late that night, finishing my story, one of the women remarked that, perhaps that lonely old man being away from home needed a special companion, and not another ‘high-profile figure’ like himself? As we talked, one of the more educated ‘uptown’ ladies said, “if you ask me, like a lot of men in show business those days, he was desperate to try to prove that he was a heterosexual; in a similar way they constantly had to deliver proof they were not some kind of communist as well. After all, Mr. Ives worked closely with a lot of queers like Tennessee Williams and was even filmed naked along side a half-naked raging fag, Rock Hudson, just a year or so before your ‘encounter’. Although I might say there’s probably a little pink in his blanket, Big Daddy sounds like a man who was not ‘light on his feet’, in fact, quite heavy handed like your story implied, which I found to be most intriguing. I think you’ve not only made a believer out of all of us in the room, I wouldn’t be surprised if some of us are going to start chasing after men like Sebastian Cabot – you’ve certainly piqued my curiosity about a kind of man I would have not previously considered and for that, I am indeed charmed.”

But it was another lady who might have had the best explanation: “did you ever consider the fact that although Big Daddy was a bit of a sex symbol in the 50’s, that Burl Ives in the 60’s was starting to get typecast too much in children’s and family shows to the point where the public was referring to him as asexual? If I were him, I’d want to prove to my collogues that I was a fully functioning sexual person with sexual needs and abilities. After a while, no matter what he said, chances are, his peers didn’t believe him until he found a way to show proof that he had a thriving sex life.” Maybe they were all correct. Maybe he was just another creep. Maybe he was someone really special. I do cherish those memories, and I still keep his private calling card with me in my purse all these years.

The End.

Copyright 2024 BrimleysBears

Feel free to share posts, however please copy only with permission, thanks, BB

Part 1

https://www.tumblr.com/brimleysbears/743973229412106240/featured-media-burl-ives-from-the-spiral-road?source=share

Part 2

https://www.tumblr.com/brimleysbears/743962348439666688/featured-media-burl-ives-from-the-spiral-road?source=share

Part 3

https://www.tumblr.com/brimleysbears/743868840199536640/featured-media-burl-ives-from-the-spiral-road?source=share

Part 4

https://www.tumblr.com/brimleysbears/743867190420307968/featured-media-burl-ives-from-the-spiral-road?source=share

[carnivore-voyeur]

This tweet is almost a month old, but it has been festering in my brain this entire time and if I don’t let it out then it’s just going to get worse. How is this kind of message not embarrassing to this fandom, but also pretty harmful to our community as a whole? I’ve tried to let my anger go over this one, but you see I’ve dealt with both neurotypical and neurodivergent people in my life belittling my experiences in a way that’s pretty much prevented me from getting the support I need. So when I see someone make these assumptions about another person based solely on the fact that they clearly don’t like them, all that grief I have inside of me over being subjected to these kinds of comments myself comes crashing down.

This is in line with what I meant when I said sometimes the way people in this fandom treat Tobias versus the unmasked musicians is out of pocket. You put him on this pedestal as this fun, quirky man with genius ideas that scratch your “neurodivergent” brains and you idolize him to the point where he no longer has flaws. Then, you have this warped idea that in order to protect him (really, your interests) you have to constantly evaluate the people around him including the unmasked musicians - especially Per who has known him the longest, worked with him the longest, and who has been in the scene just as long as he has if not more. They’ve known each other since before Ghost. But you can’t accept that for whatever reason.

You are not obligated to follow the careers of the unmasked musicians. You’re not obligated to like or support them, but then why are you watching videos of them talking? If Per is “boring” to you, then why are you watching him? To come to this conclusion that he must be neurotypical because you personally find him “boring and weird” promotes a supremacist attitude in the neurodivergent community that just divides people into the good, “relatable” neurodivergent people and the bad, “weird” neurodivergent people and/or “neurotypicals” who might have their own private struggles. In that sense, “neurotypical” becomes an insult towards people who may not be neurotypical at all. You just want them to be so you can feel more comfortable with your internalized ableism.

Perceiving people as different from you and therefore “bad,” doesn’t become more acceptable just because you’re neurodivergent. This way of thinking actively harms people who are different. It’s also clear that these same people in this fandom are unwilling to learn the most basic things about the unmasked musicians before passing judgement on them. This is by far not the first time people have made wildly uneducated assumptions about Per, but this particular instance really bothers me because Per has been open in many ways about his own mental health and behaviors. He’s not the most open book, but he does have a well documented career and he’s talked enough about his own experiences that anyone paying attention can see he has his own struggles.

In his recent lives alone, he’s talked about having “tics” specifically scratching himself when he’s nervous which he does a lot (so neurotypical, right? - I’m obsessive compulsive, and I have tics. You know what’s happened to me anytime I’ve openly displayed my tics? People have told me to stop. Stop because it’s “weird” or annoying. That includes doctors telling me I just need to stop.) Additionally, he’s talked about having difficulty concentrating and not doing the best in school. Finally, Per has openly struggled both physically and mentally with drinking and anxiety and depression. Whether or not he explicitly talks about them, Per has had both physical and mental health problems and that is not a moral failing on his part.

Ultimately, you don’t know him! You don’t have to like him. You can think he’s boring - weird even. That doesn’t mean your evaluation of him is correct. That doesn’t mean it’s okay to belittle his experiences because they don’t match your own. If you don’t like something he said or did, then address that. This is not that. This is just ableism hiding behind neurodivergence, and it’s something that has prevented me from being seen because I’m not fun and quirky either. I’m not nice. I have less than desirable behaviors, including scratching and picking my skin and needing to be alone and shutting down. So even if Per never sees your comments nor cares about them, the people in this fandom around you have to and it really feels like shit.

[creekfiend]

Hey, do you have family in Israel? Do you know whether they are alright?

sure, I do. in my experience most American Jews have family in Israel. When my family left their village in what is now Belarus, half of those leaving came to the US and half went to Palestine. (and those who remained were killed and that village does not exist anymore) I am not in close contact with the Israeli side but I expect I would have heard something if any of them had been hurt. Josh has much closer Israeli family as his brother Yoav and nieces/nephews all live there but they are also fine to my knowledge.

I appreciate the check in, but I will be perfectly honest with you that while it hurts my heart immensely that so many Israeli civilians have been killed, right now I am primarily concerned about the millions of people in Gaza without electricity or running water who have been ordered to evacuate or get exploded but who have nowhere to go. I am very, VERY concerned about the statements being made by the garbage fascists in control of the Israeli government right now openly stating their genocidal intentions on a scale that we haven't previously seen.

we are all triggered and traumatized as hell about everything, and by we I mean Jews, and I think it's understandable for us to feel that way. but I also am struggling a lot with the degree to which many of my fellow American Jews are making this ABOUT our big feelings of fear and anxiety. I understand that anticipating things becoming More Dangerous is something all Jews have had to do constantly forever. I understand that "position of relative privilege" is something that's extremely conditional for Jews and something that can be taken away at the drop of a hat. but... I don't know. I've been trying to think of anything coherent or helpful in any way to say for the past several days and coming up short. it's a nightmare. But it would be disingenuous to deny that it's a nightmare for me in ways that are removed pretty significantly from the ways in which it is a nightmare for other people.

my family is fine. I understand and empathize with the sentiments of "but what if my family becomes NOT fine?" especially when this is the largest mass killing of Jewish civilians since... well. and I am also enraged and terrified by the comfort with which many leftist gentiles seem to be practically celebrating those deaths. but I'm really preoccupied by the fact that millions of people and their families in Gaza are Not Fine in a huge and terrible way right now as we speak. this is not to say that it is a contest, but if I am doing triage, it is very clear to me whose leg is more broken right now. While acknowledging, again, that we are in a scary place globally regarding antisemitism.

Angry Jew on fb has been posting a lot of stuff that really speaks to how I am feeling right now. devastated by the horrible ways some of my people have been killed, and devastated also that inexcusable violence is being done, essentially, in my name. I hate to talk about this publicly because I also fucking wish American gentiles would kind of shut up about it a lot of the time, to be honest. and I hate feeling like I am giving anyone ammunition in their weird ideological internet fights about having The More Correct Opinion in the hypothetical trolley problem-ass situation that so many of them act like this is. the refusal to learn about any specifics of the situation in favor of just deciding it must be exactly like some other unrelated geopolitical issue that they feel they have a better handle on, and then just... overwriting the reality of the situation so that it matches up with what they are comfortable imagining in their heads. I have had to unfollow and block a lot of people lately.

I mostly talk to my safe Jewish and Muslim friends about this. and select few safe non-muslim gentiles.

Right now I am grieving for many reasons. Since you asked me about my personal connection I will tell you the main things I remember learning and feeling about this growing up. I've never been to Israel. Not close enough to my family there to visit, although my dad did, & never comfortable with programs like Birthright. I remember in the 90s my dad, who was an administrator at the school of Public Health at the local university, was helping put together programs that would bring Israeli and Palestinian universities and public health groups together to work on universal public health issues like helping ppl stop smoking, vaccination, etc. it was going really well at the time. he was going over there a few times a year to coordinate with the people running the programs there. he was really optimistic about it, & several other similar programs. this was back when Yasser Arafat and Yitzak Rabin/Shimon Peres were having a lot of talks that were seemingly productive and hopeful. like obviously it was hardly a golden age but it seemed like maybe Israel was moving away from violence. and then 9/11 happened and everything exploded and all the little programs simply disappeared and my dad never went back to work with anyone. and then fucjing... Netanyahu. and it seems like since then everything only gets worse and worse and further and further from anything other than horrible violence, and that devastates me

In high school I took a Mideast Civ class and one of my fellow students was a kid whose parents had been expelled from Palestine during the war and fled to America. what I remember being struck by when he talked about this was how his family's story was so similar to my family's story and a deep sense of shame and anger that people who had undergone what my family had could then make his family undergo the same thing. That's still a pretty big part of how I feel. I don't accept that that kid's experience was necessary to keep me or my family safe.

I'm just a guy. I try my best to learn as much as I can and listen to a large variety of people connected to this so I can have a more holistic view of things. I'm not making this post rebloggable for obvious reasons but since it's here on my blog, for anyone reading who is also feeling despair, here's some organizations that are good to follow & support if you are able (non-exhaustive obviously)

synagoguesrising.org Synagogues Rising is a coalition of leftist synagogues in the US who advocate for Palestinian liberation and who are currently begging the US government to work to deescalate military violence and provide humanitarian aid to people in Gaza

refuser.org Refusers Solidarity Network is a group advocating for Israelis who refuse to serve in the military as conscientious objectors

map.org.uk Medical Aid for Palestinians living under occupation & as refugees

Genuinely, thanks for asking about my family. if you also have family in the area, I hope they are also alright.

I want everyone to be alright. I know this is a lot of big baby feelings and no particular political ideologies or solutions and that's because I'm just one fucking Jew and I'm not an activist or a revolutionary and I kind of feel a bit like other online people could stand to admit more often that they're also just some guy and also not activists or revolutionaries. I sure have beliefs and I sure feel strongly about them, but man, right now I just want to express grief & anger & worry about how awful this government is and how many people they're going to kill and how much I wish it was not happening

my family is Ok.

eta: I'm reading this back and realizing that as a response to this ask it makes it sound like I'm saying that inquiring about the well-being of someone's Israeli relatives is like, inherently devaluing the well-being of other ppl and I very much am not saying that and do not believe that. I'm just enormously emotionally dysregulated and this got me kind of stream of consciousness about all of the things I have been chasing around in my brain about this.

[incorrectelswordquotes]

Do you remember when the job progression quests had dialogue cutscenes and difficult quests? Each town had its own gear and you'd have to drop blue-background items to upgrade it. And it was character-specific too. Ice statues had to be crafted, and the ingredients would just pile up in your inventory. There was Unique equipment for every region you had a chance to drop after a boss battle, and it'd be shown in the chat. Plant Overlord's accessory was the top trending thing. Rena was blonde and did a flip when she double jumped. The first field introduced was the one between Hamel and Velder. The level cap was 40 and it was *hard* to get there.

I sure don't miss a lot of this stuff, but looking back, it feels like a wholly different game.

i played around when the game was still like this for the most part, except the level cap at the time was 70? and then over time it jumped to 90 but my middle-school/high-school ass couldn't keep up. actually, i remember seeing the new UI the game has for the health bars and that was already enough to throw me off. not that it looks bad, but i remember seeing this UI for the longest time:

vs this:

like as much as i miss the one i got acquainted with, this new one is a lot simpler and cleaner? yet it retains that cartoony vibe with the slanted bars so thats neat. and then there's THIS:

i'll admit i havent played during this era but man this looks busy af. it was simple yea, but something feels off about it. like i love the look here too but it kinda clashes colors-wise. there's not too much of a difference between the original UI and the one after it but i could tell it needed slimming down.

while i was gone i also learned that the previous privately-hosted server VoidEls was shut down but was eventually replaced by another, which is fair enough i guess.

"Each town had its own gear and you'd have to drop blue-background items to upgrade it. And it was character-specific too."

this was both cool and annoying, for me personally at least. it's cool in that every town having gear gave you a way to progress before getting even stronger gear. sort of like a jumping-off point for every town you got to as they handed you their own version of stuff you could use. and you could emulate their aesthetic by wearing their gear. the annoying part is that constantly switching gear means item management is necessary to prevent your inventory from maxing out, and not every item looked good on you. if you didn't have skins? tough luck. (my memory might be wrong here so please correct me if i messed something up)

"...job progression quests had dialogue cutscenes and difficult quests?"

THEY GOT RID OF THOSE!? maybe im jaded but as a writer, i liked seeing the player-characters' personal struggle as they progressed through a job-specific mission. those short cutscenes let us see what they're really like. even if some of the requirements really were trash. i still remember spamming the same dungeon over and over hoping for a quest drop (or multiple) so i can move on. but after hearing the story was consolidated to be one singular, linear path regardless of who you played, maybe they streamlined the job class progression system too?

update: yea it seems you still have to spam dungeons to upgrade to Master Class but it looks less tedious than before for previous class ranks.

"Plant Overlord's accessory was the top trending thing."

boss accessories were the bane of my existence so this makes sense. it seems like it's unobtainable, as many overworld zones and dungeons have since been removed based on what i just looked up

im assuming Plant Overlord isn't fightable anymore or only shows up in some elite zone now so rip

"Rena was blonde and did a flip when she double jumped."

i didn't know this. in fact when i checked her wiki page, the change was because her hair wasn't green enough despite her class art showing her as having green-hued hair.

speaking of the wiki,

holy fucking shit thats a lot of classes

[crowscallthecrows]

Spoilers for all of the Public School Arc

Rewatching it again (cause what else do I do) and found some things I thought were worth discussing cause maybe I'm just slow and need an outside perspective:

So sebastian revealed that undertaker was the one that orchestrated everything as the headmaster from the time Redmond called him up, as payment for using their services. I'm assuming that undertaker was the one that made the order to send Derrick to purple house (unless he just sat back and let prefects deal with the school image themselves). But why the heck was that order made in the first place?? It just seemed like such a random fact that was constantly reiterated through the arc

I'm assuming again that it was because purple house calls way less attention from students (judging from the outward homeless appearance of the house itself and stoning other students away💀) and from outsiders (like how Redmond and red house in general is always being surrounded by women) therefore giving them way more time before other students realize that hey, we haven't actually seen those 5 students in a while.

And the way your telling me the teachers didn't say JACK about multiple students being missing in class for months at a time?? Even sebastian mentions this, though it's only about Derrick. Either the staff really hates derrick and his gang cause they knew they were assholes or just didn't care or notice (Edit: i realized mcmillian mentioned that it was common for purple house people to drop out. I'm assuming that's just what the staff thought).Which says a lot about the school the prefects were so stubborn on protecting 💀

I present to you another reason that's plausible: an excuse for derrick to step down as fag so Redmond could find a replacement. Can't have a dead body serve you tea. Though that doesn't explain sending the other boys there as well.

I was SO convinced that the burning of purple house would have something to do with derrick's body being hidden somewhere there when I first saw it.

It was a cool scene and all but the hell was violet freaking out for?? Stopping his other houses to stop his house from....burning seems a little dramatic for it just to mean nothing in the end.

Sure you can say it was the rivalry between the houses and all that, but unlike cheslock (who despite everything he says, seems to be pretty chummy with ol edward there) who actively does things that show he has at least a LITTLE problem with other houses (mentioning the rock throwing twice in a post), violet doesn't seem to...have that much of a problem with them. He doesn't strike me as a person who wastes his energy on hating needlessly.

My point is if he can commit murder with one student from each house, there should be no reason for him to be so mad that they want to help him. Which is why I thought he was hiding something.

Only for it to mean NOTHING IN THE END the fuck???

What exactly were the p4 planning on doing if undertaker was successful in making derrick and the others functioning members of society? Sending them back home? With no explanation on the MASSIVE scars going round their head?

How the hell were they gonna deal with that. Give them to Maurice for lessons on concealer?

And I'm correct me if I'm wrong but don't bizarre dolls have a really bad smell to them?? Why doesn't agares have one

Answering my own question, I guess this just sums up to poor planning on Redmond's part, since he's never seen a bizarre doll for himself before.

Am I being dumb?? Are these plot holes or are there actual reasons for these decisions. Maybe Yana was just filling up pages with random events to help lead up to the midnight tea party?

[fandomrouletteburrito]

You know what? Im going to vent about how annoyed I am abt bsd atm and put it in the tags bcuz I also want to debate it. I enjoy bsd but I am struggling to understand what exactly Asagiri is trying to do here esp when this arc is so long that the arc itself has mini arcs in it.

If anyone reads this I would love, LOVE to discuss this because I am yanking my hair in frusteration

I am putting it under a cut so that ppl who dont want to see criticism abt bsd dont have to see it

Am i being an asshole? Yes

Am i going to warn ppl before hand and remind them that they can curate their internet experience by simply not reading something that is going to criticize something they love? And the block button exists for a reason???????Also yes

That being said i dont often go off about things i dont like about media i enjoy because well i understand everything i like has pros and cons

Also i still read bsd bcuz there r other things i DO like about it

Anywayssss

The thing that is bothering me about bsd is that I dont think I can tell what any character is doing EVER. Perhaps thats just my taste and I like having some idea of whats going to happen.

The characters arcs are excellent, their actions make sense for the personalities that they have yes.

The problem i do have w bsd is that the characters are apparently constantly always somehow predicting whats going on

How in the goddamn world do you expect me to believe that Fyodor let Dazai see him kill someone through touch so that Dazai would come up w a plan like Mersault? Fyodor didn’t expect Dazai to catch him at the end of the whole virus thing so like how is that enough time for him to find a way to kill that guard by just touching his hand? Why do that unless you planned the Mersault fake death from the start?

I forget but didn’t the Hunting Dogs get Mushitaro to bring up Dazai’s crimes to get Dazai into Mersault? Was this all to get Dazai away from the agency? Extremely likely but that tells me Fyodor planned to fake his death from the star(again) WHICH IN TURN MEANS HE HAD TO HAVE FKING KNOWN SO MUCH AHEAD OF TIME which only makes sense if he had access to some type of future telling ability because some characters actions WERE random eg: below

If Gogol randomly decided to break Fyodor out of Mersault with his race against death game, how can Fyodor expect to be killed by a vampire to become Bram??? How does this make sense if he did not know that Gogol would plan this at all?

There is the panel of Fyodor fallin through the Mersault room correctly as he says its time to escape so maybe he knew Gogol would that? HOW if Gogol just came up with that plan without any of Fyodor’s input?? Alright then maybe he was acting so Dazai won’t catch on but even then how was he expecting to die so that he can become Bram?? What was his alternate plan?

Alright maybe he simply predicted Gogol to do that which I think is a bit sad for Gogol since I think his whole character arc is about how he doesn’t want to be shackled by anything and I would argue being manipulated by someone is a shackle

Criticism 2: the fact absolutely no one of importance has died in bsd manga except for in the light novels(i am including Odasaku in this) please PLEASE correct me if I missed a death

Im not counting Fukuchi as dead because jury’s still out on that given the whole thing w God!Fukuchi/Amenogozen

Esp as we have Dead Apple where whats his names ability outlived him and i think also in 55 minutes

Because well, how do you expect me to take any of the stakes in this manga seriously if no one of name dies ever, I would not have this issue if death wasnt faked out as many times as it has

Maybe Bram will actually stay dead but I doubt it

The fact Kunikida was killed this chapter just tells me that yet again, death is not a serious consequence in this manga. Esp as the book has not been used yet. Even fking HP Lovecraft is alive ffs.

If Kunikida stays dead I will HAPPILY eat my words and state that Asagiri is a master writer for fooling my reading of bsd that well.( i am obviously not saying only my interpretation of bsd is correct so pls dont come at me)

Criticism 3: why didn’t Dazai literally just kill off Fyodor w Chuuya once they got Sigma to get the info from Fyodor

I understand thats a much more author did that because thats what the writing needed and characters are only as intelligent as the story needs so … fineeeee thats on me

Criticism 4: the whole Amenogozen thing about how the war isn’t real

How can Fyodor fake the sign on the wall unless he knew what sign meant world ending to Fukuchi???

Not sure if this is a criticism but if Chuuya was sent by Mori…how did Fyodor expect him to show up? Unless Fyodor and Mori discussed that earlier together in which case Mori is doing an excellent job at pretending like he’s not inleague with Fyodor

This plan of Fyodor’s to become Bram is just so batshit insane and so reliant on people doing random things at the right time eg: Gogol and the death game, Chuuya not being used to kill Fyodor in any form, Sigma not waking up in time to warn the agency, Dazai not fking shooting Fyodor w a gun

Imagine if Gogol’s poison succeeded then well ig Fyodor would just stay in his body since he injected the poison in his own veins which hey doesn’t that mean there was no risk of Fyodor dying in that game? I am likely wrong but it is kinda funny

Unrelated but wow tumblr does NOT want to make writing this on mobile easy bruh

I think the reason I’m so frusterated with this is that bsd is so unpredictable that for me it feels like its going beyond the suspension of disbelief i have

Its breaking the intelligence scale that they set with Fyodor, Dazai and Ranpo that it feels too much to believe

My other issue is I dont know what the whole long term thing w BSD is, and I am a bit tired of that. That might be my personal taste where I like to know what kind of ending or long term things I hope to see in a series but this is a bit too absured for me which might be the point

If anyone reads this entire nonsensical essay you have my respect

[lisxdumbr]

Hi I'm insane and I think I talked about this once in the past but today I'm going insane once again

The relationship of 2wink with math

Now, for this explanation I'll take notes from 3-4 main things. I'm sure there are many more references but this is what I could quickly grab from the top of my head.

Yes, 2wink is constantly being related to math, starting with their unit name, it's the only unit that has a number in it, even looking at their brand, we see constant triangle shapes that help support this idea.

Now, I believe the reason is clear looking at it in a geometrical (?) way. even in a trigonometrical way if you want to get fancy. 2wink's concept revolves around the fact that they're twins, they're two people who mirror each other. They're symmetrical.

The first clue that we get comes from a very old song actually. Heart Prism Symmetry, just look at the lyrics for a second

It's a song that clearly talks about them mirroring each other, since as we know, an important part of their lore has to do with how they're so identical not even their father can distinguish them.

Speaking of, we hear Hinata's demons in a part of the song (cough, go read setsubun)

Now, is their symmetry something natural? How is it represented, what is this telling us? I think Heart Prism Symmetry is a song in which they're loving and honoring their pasts being a two in one package for such a long time. This doesn't mean they're trying to be symmetrical on purpose though, they know already that the symmetry will break one day.

(again I'm sure these are Hina's demons, someone give him a hug)

Now this also has to do with the triangle part that I mentioned before, there are many different symmetrical shapes but the fact that they chose triangles is fascinating to me. Triangles are the most basic shape, since you need at least 3 sides to create a shape (less than that is just a line). But triangles are so interesting because of that flex (?), they present themselves in many ways and even inside other shapes. You can fit a triangle in any shape, even a circle can fit triangles since at the end of the day, a circle is just a 360° rotation.

They chose the most powerful shape and I'm obsessed with that concept.

But now, In which other ways is math involved? This is where I enter !! era, which is the point of the story in which 2wink are trying to discover more about themselves and we reach Twin Peaks.

Twin Peaks is Hinata's first focus event and it's full of math, starting from the title of the chapters

Factorization and division by zero.

Now, if you actually want to relate those concepts to Hinata as a person, it gets a little bit depressing because, well, division by zero,,, no matter how big your numbers are, (CORRECTION) you'll end up in an undefined result.

But this has symbolism once again ! I don't remember the story exactly but there's a story where Yuta is referring as them as math concepts and he refers to Hinata as a symbol. Now the thing is both Hinata and Yuta have opposite beliefs of themselves, so both of them say the other is a positive or a negative while they're a negative or a positive.

I've always thought about how Yuta may feel that Hinata is stealing a bit from him and perhaps that's why he thinks Hinata substracts, but at the same time, Hinata has done so much for both of them so of course he adds too.

Now since this can be a little confusing, let's stick with the factorization and division by zero concept, since that's how Hinata perceives himself I believe? I think factorization is a clear concept for how Hinata kinda gatekeeps himself and his brother and. everything. in general? And oh well, we know the guy is depressed as hell.

Now this makes me move to the important part of the story which is the second event. Yes. What we all waited for and screamed our lungs out when we saw: Yuta growing his hair and separating himself from Hinata.

If an equilateral triangle is symmetrical, what happens when one side is larger that the other? Is it equilateral still? No. But is it still a triangle? Yes

In the swee2wink album, we got a song called Polyphonic World in the B side, and the lyrics are fascinating let me tell you

1 + 2 = 3, which can be a triangle or as they say, a volume too (³), so the world is created with 3.

But I want to point out this part because I find it EXTREMELY important for the lore:

"our hearts want to create new shapes" "make new shapes that will change our hearts". HELLO. They used to be symmetrical prisms but as soon as Yuta changed his appearance, they decide to create a new shape that looks more similar to their hearts. They are the shapes. 2wink refer to themselves as shapes, they are the triangle

This is where the third side starts making sense too. 2 + 1 = Yuta and Hinata + a third member, "you" (me, they're talking about me, cough)

So knowing this makes much more sense in the way they refer to themselves and helps us understand them better.

Now my point, the new song is called Love×me⇄monsteR and according to my investigation, the ⇄ symbol is used for a lot of things but one of the meanings is exchange. Let's remember that an important part of the lore has to do with them being feared and seen as monsters, so Yuta is swapping that idea. He's swapping the negativity of the monster concept for love.

We're returning to what Twin Peaks tried to tell us. Hinata is (was, remember, development) seen as a division by zero and now Yuta is a multiplication of love times himself, he's GROWING. damn I love acceptance arcs.

Anyway, I wholeheartedly believe they're becoming something more positive given that the new logo is literally 2×2. Happiness for them.

Now as a little note to close the speech, Polyphonic World also talks about colors:

"we can make a new color that will change our hearts" and remember, they're changing their signature colors in this event as a new beginning!

So that's everything! I hope you find this interesting ! It's a little thing that I've been noticing for the longest time and I thought today was the perfect day to get it out.

[bungoustraypups]

i just checked ur dnf criteria on ur carrd and i think what you said about mori is definitely interesting! im interested in why exactly he's your favourite character, if you're okay with telling me? /gen (i personally don't like mori because yosano is one of my absolute favourite characters and i cant forgive him for what he put her through, but i swear i dont hate people who like him. im actually very interested, and i would like to expand my view of mori)

also do u ship ranpoe?

ok so first of all: kudos to you for having a reason to dislike mori that is both personal and also correct. he did terrible things to yosano and that is canon! i'm also very glad that you're open to listening since a lot of ppl in this fandom aren't (the number of times i've been accused of being a child predator for liking mori is at least 5! this is solely from twitter tho not tumblr)

also yes i do ship ranpoe. just getting that outta the way before the mori moment begins

SO

mori is my favorite character mostly for reasons unknown to me. i just love him a lot. my first bsd fanfic i posted, which is also the first one i finished in march of this year, is a fukumori mainly mori-centric fic about the two of them having a baby, and over the course of writing that i fell deeply in love with his character, both the way i wrote him and how he is in canon.

he's so very clearly (in my eyes and the eyes of other mori enjoyers) traumatized it's almost painful. combining how he is solely in canon with the experiences of the MCs of vita sexualis and the dancing girl (i have not yet read these novels but my good friend geeg has talked abt it extensively) opens up a whole new dimension to this too.

in fact, as i've stated multiple times before: of the main BSD cast, the two who i think most likely have CSA trauma (there could def be others but this is just from what i know) are probably dazai and mori (notably, separate experiences divorced from each other, meaning i 100% do not believe mori SA'd dazai or anyone else for that matter given there's no canonical evidence to support this)

he's hot. and i like characters i think are hot (and ones i think aren't but yknow this gives him more points)

he's mysterious and we know very little about him

he's so fucking tragic as a character. a man canonically full of regrets, who never considers his own feelings but uses himself for the greater good of his city and his country, who is constantly forced to swallow his true feelings because he has to appear as a strong leader all the time and can only hope to express himself even a little bit when he's alone with his own ability? the agony and hells are real

like there's so much, this is just a few reasons why i like him bc i can't think of all of them off the top of my head but i'm happy to talk about him whenever

[kywaslost]

hello! is it okay if i can request headcannons for aizawa with a student who has a processing disorder and has to have things like simplified for them? i have something called auditory processing disorder and i cant really understand people sometimes, so i need things simplified for me or for someone to say something slower so i can understand it better. im sorry if this will be a bother!

Reader Has A Processing Disorder - Aizawa

A/N: Hi! This isn’t a bother at all! In fact, I enjoyed researching the different processing disorders, especially since I really love Anatomy and Physiology or anything to do with the human body. I decided to include all processing disorders, if that’s alright! Hope you enjoy it!

I found all of the information in this fic here.

Auditory Processing Disorder (APD) - impacts comprehension and recall of what you hear and auditory processing in the brain; can result in issues related to listening for children, including repeated requests for clarification of spoken directions, or difficulty understanding conversations if they’re in a noisy place.

When you tell Aizawa about your APD, it really doesn’t bother him

You need him to clarify or repeat himself? He can do that.

You ask to audio record each class? He lets you sit in the front row to better pick up the audio

Takes you to speech therapy if you ask him to, since it’s off campus

Helps you learn sign language if that’s what you’d like so you’ll be able to understand him better

When you do your work studies, it can get loud and hard for you to understand your mentor, so you end up using sign language a lot outside of the classroom

Overall, Aizawa is willing to do anything to help you excel in the classroom

Just because you have trouble processing sounds doesn’t mean you should fall behind your classmates

Like I said earlier, your APD doesn’t change the way he thinks about you or how he treats you

Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD) - can result in over-responsiveness to sensory input, such as extreme sensitivity to loud noise or itchy clothing, or under responsiveness, which could be shown as a lack of awareness of personal space or a desire for thrill seeking.

Aizawa is much more aware about how you feel and how you’re acting when he learns you have SPD.

Your school uniform is too itchy or the fabric bothers you? He helps you talk to Nezu about ordering a new uniform in a fabric that doesn’t bother you.

The lights are too bright? He dims them down as much as he can without making the other students sleepy.

It’s too loud? Let’s you wear noise-canceling headphones and uses sign language for the rest of class as he speaks so you don’t miss anything.

Knows if you have aversions to certain foods and their textures

Keeps foods that you’re comfortable with in a drawer in his desk in case of emergencies

Have trouble moving, like climbing stairs or going far distances? Aizawa will walk with you to make sure you get to your location alright

Or makes sure someone is always with you

Your quirk doesn’t require you to do much physical activity, so you should be ok in that aspect

On the other hand, if you’re under stimulated and can’t sit still, Aizawa has plenty of fidget toys for you to mess around with

Notices when you begin to chew on your pencil or hoodie strings and gives you something else to do so you aren’t constantly chewing on things

Yet again, he tries to help you the best he can to make sure you’re comfortable and not a threat to yourself or others

Visual Processing Disorder (VPD) - one may not be able to distinguish between shapes, have difficulty copying notes from the board, or have difficulty remembering the correct sequence for letters or numbers in a series.

Aizawa is going to need to help you a bit more with this one

But he doesn’t mind

Knows you struggle with taking notes so he’ll either give you his notes or makes sure that one of your classmates helps you with your own notes

If you’re asked to read aloud in class, he’ll help you since you often mix up letters

But he tries his best to keep you from reading in class

He knows how embarrassed you get by it sometimes

Offers to help you with math homework

Especially when you have to do the same online assignment 8 times to get 100% just because your numbers move around on you (not me in calculus yesterday…)

Writes even bigger on the board to help you try and keep your letters and numbers in the right order

Schedules study sessions with you to make sure you’re keeping up with him and the other students

Helps you in as many ways as possible

[theliteraryluggage]

Hi! If you still don't mind the emoji ask game, I'd like those, please:

🍬🍄🥤

P.S.: Your writing is gorgeous!

Ahhh yes of course anytime, thank you!!!

🍬 ⇢ post an unpopular opinion about a popular fandom character

Hhhhh alright okay, you asked for it

Imo Roy is not a parental person, and I don’t see his relationship with Ed and/or Al as anything close to parental. This isn’t to say that he doesn’t care for them or isn’t protective of them, hell, they can even be a found family.. But shoehorning them into a parent-child dynamic just doesn’t work in my opinion. For starters, Roy isn’t even old enough to have kids their age, and I don’t think he’s at a stage in a stage of his life where he would look on teenagers in a parental way. He cares deeply about his team and shows it in his own way, but he’s not nurturing. Don’t get me wrong, I love this dynamic we get in many fanfics of him and Ed constantly fighting and bantering and never wanting to admit that they care about each other (even though they absolutely do), I've written them like that too. but … to me, the wonderful thing about found family is that it doesn’t have to adhere to a traditional nuclear family structure. They don’t have to see each other as parent and child to care about and protect each other.

🍄 ⇢ share a head canon for one of your favourite ships or pairings

Uhhhh I don’t really ship much in FMA tbh, I keep it mostly Gen… particularly where Ed is concerned bc my Ed is usually aromantic (not saying he is canonically, it’s just my headcanon and that’s how I prefer writing him). And I like Royai and some other ships not involving Ed well enough, but don’t really actively consume or create fanworks for them so.. I also don’t have a lot of headcanons about them. I could of course share a headcanon from a different fandom, but I know you came here from/for FMA so… I guess I could share some Edling thoughts? Because I can well imagine Ling crushing on Ed, and maybe they even experimented together, shared some first experiences, because, you know, they’re teenagers, but for Ed it was never really more than physical. I mean, he likes Ling but … aromantic and all that. And there might have been more for Ling, but he also knows there’s no future for them once he goes back to Xing, and his duty to his country has to be his first priority. So he just has to make his peace with that.

(I wanna note that I’m not claiming any of these thoughts/headcanons are the Correct ones, that’s just how I interpret them and how I prefer to play with my dolls lol)

🥤 ⇢ recommend an author or fanfic you love

Okay I am lowkey obsessed with @liathgray’s FMA fics 🙈 A Hop, Skip and a Jump, of course, but ESPECIALLY Tell me in the Sunshine, which is painful and tragic as fuck but I love it so much. So much, in fact, that I made a podfic, just to add another layer of pain. Hhhhhhh if you can handle the tags/warnings, please go read it/listen to it everyone. And then come crying to me about it I need someone to share my pain 😂

Thank you so much for the ask and your kind words!!! 💕

Writer Ask Game

[marley-manson]

My main takeaway of Fade Out, Fade In is that Hawkeye is extremely chill and secure lol. I feel like I've seen it used as an example of Hawkeye's egotism and I think that must be due to misremembering the episode because Hawkeye is constantly gracious wrt Charles as a surgeon. He's overjoyed that Charles knows the aneurysm operation they need to do and more than happy to let him do it, assist, and learn from him, asking questions and complimenting him. He's quick to give him the credit afterwards when Dr Berman wakes up as well.

When Charles finds a flood of patients too intense and doubts himself, Hawkeye reassures him by saying, "We're not any better than you, it's just that by sheer repetition we've gotten fast."

What Hawkeye takes issue with and makes fun of is Charles' superiority complex. He rolls his eyes when Charles pointedly insults him or anyone else, he mocks his haughty demeanour and upper class accent, calls him Chuck to annoy him, etc. This is all separate from his skill as a surgeon, which Hawkeye vocally admires, and all completely warranted because obviously Charles is an asshole lol.

The second takeaway of this episode is that I wish Potter was a villain. I'd forgotten this, but he's the one who arranges to keep Charles at the 4077 when otherwise Baldwin would've taken him back. Blah blah blah they need good surgeons and saving lives is important and someone's gotta do it blah blah blah, fact is Charles is well within his rights to hate Potter for this and I wish he did, and I wish we could be on his side about it properly, because I absolutely am on his side here.

Instead it's framed as something Charles deserves for being haughty, and a trial by fire to improve him. I would prefer to see it framed as a personal tragedy that engenders sympathy, perhaps planting the seed of comraderie between him and Hawk and BJ. Not a fan of framing being forced to work in a warzone as character building.

And now some miscellaneous thoughts:

-- Hawkeye clocks that Berman is jewish after hearing him speak one sentence (i assume, since hawk immediately jokes about him kibitzing), for the jewish hawkeye headcanoners

-- also love how overtly gay Berman is, I'm calling the "you doctors are all alike" joke as evidence of Berman clocking Hawkeye in return

-- "command me, o tall one with the presbyterian features" is such an amazing Klinger line

-- Hawk stealing Frank's boxers for himself

-- the scene with Margaret and Hawkeye and BJ is such an awful bait and switch lol, I go from 'aw they're friends!!' and loving Hawkeye when he tells her she doesn't have to tell them what's bothering her but she's clearly upset so she should sit and have a drink either way, to 'nooooo' when the (narratively endorsed) answer given to Margaret is she's too much of a flirty slut and it hurt Donald's feelings :(

-- Hawkeye being nice to Frank on the phone even when he's pissed at him and throws the phone immediately afterwards was cute honestly. Hawk speaking for both him and BJ was cute and married too ("we both think that's wonderful. we're proud to have known you")

-- BJ and Hawkeye both collaborated on the snake prank but Hawkeye's the one who gets a comeuppance >:( "Please, Mozart" is a fantastic final line though.

-- OH! the patient who didn't want to go back to the front because he doesn't want to kill anyone else! When he speaks to Mulcahy, Mulcahy starts off with his usual rote 'yeah it's scary go fight anyway' thing, and when dude corrects him about his reasons Mulcahy doesn't say anything, just stares off into the middle distance. And that's the end of that storyline.

Like man I would've liked to know what Mulcahy said to him lol, how Mulcahy squared that with himself. It's a fantastic counterpoint to his usual encouragement but I want more. Wish we could've repeated this premise in a Mulcahy-heavy episode.

[accidentally-in-fictional-love]

🔞 🤔😚 with a partner that has a VCH piercing?

Please? Please please please? Cause I need Hank’s approval for it! XD

Wouldn't That Hurt?- Smutty Hank Headcanons

Warnings: Lots of talk about your piercing and all the ways he adores it, this is just plain smutty lol you know what you're getting into with this one.

Notes: Not me blushing like a schoolgirl when I saw what that meant LMAO okay let's do this 💪 I couldn't help but make this a bit sweet still because it's Hank, I need to date this man so bad ohmygosh

When you first start dating the cute and quiet guy playing DnD with his friends at the bar, you have no idea what you're in for, other than finally finding a genuinely sweet guy who'll treat you right. Your initial impression stays correct as the first week turns into a month, but as you take it slow you realize that his enthusiasm to always hold you isn't just because he's touchstarved, but also because of his inexperience, something he hadn't been too excited to tell you because he thought it a bit embarrassing. His mother had almost taken him to a sleazy restaurant to get laid once but he'd backed out, he wasn't that desperate, but the thought of you being his first is clearly constantly on his mind, which you think is adorable.

You make it your personal mission to make his first time special, he deserved it despite his insistence that it wasn't a big deal to him (it was), and of course the first time you graduate from making out to his first handjob he doesn't last at all. His enthusiasm is cute and tenacious however, so once he's taken care of he insists on returning the favour, which is how he finds out about your piercing.

He thinks something is wrong at first, his face warping into confusion as he kisses you, and you just laugh as you explain what it is and how he can keep going, there's no problem. Curiosity has overtaken him however, he's heard about these kind of things but of course has never seen one before, and the situation changes from him getting you off to you dropping your pants for a different reason.

His eyes are wide and his face is red when you show him without shame, he could never be that daring even though you're his partner, and of course the first thing out of his mouth is, 'Doesn't that hurt?' which makes you laugh as you say at first, like all piercings, but his next question, which is if he can touch it again, makes you blush a little at that returning enthusiasm.

He leans in a little closer as he thumbs at it, seeing how this works since he of course doesn't have the same equipment as you, as he so eloquently puts it because he could never say the word clit, and each time you react he pulls back in fear that he's hurt you or made you uncomfortable, which of course he hasn't.

He decided he likes it when leans in even further to finish his previous task before he'd gotten distracted, and he's certainly a fan of how you hold his head and pull his hair a little when he pays it a little extra attention just to hear more of those definitely good sounds you're making.

As you work your way up to full sex, you find yourselves constantly distracted because he's certainly a fan of going down on you, in fact he might actually like it more than when you make him the center of attention. He's always looking for an excuse to please you either with his mouth or with his hand, and so far his favourite pastime is learning all the ways you like to be touched and how he can do more without hurting you because he cares that much.

His curiosity persists the longer you're together, there's so little he knows about these kinds of things since it's not really a thing he can casually talk about with his brother (god, never), or his friends since they're too focused on their sessions (and are also virgins), and he's constantly asking you questions instead of just biting the bullet and looking online. You think it's cute as he cuddles you and presses kisses to wherever he can reach while you talk, it's not like you've ever talked about it either since it's just a piercing, there's nothing special about it other than the location, which naturally makes it hard to bring up in polite conversation, and you don't laugh at any of his questions no matter how silly they are.

In the end he doesn't get it even when you explain that it enhances the feeling, he finds it interesting but the thought of having one makes him flinch in a way that makes you laugh, and even though it eludes him that certainly doesn't stop him from playing with it now that he knows it'll make you feel even better.

After that he always throws glances down when he sees you on instinct, like he's wondering how it feels when you wear certain clothes, and that fixation only makes him touch you more when you get a chance to be alone. He's still shy and not used to when you give him any affection because of how easily he gets turned on, but it isn't long before he becomes a master at taking you apart, he still loves when you touch him but it's almost like he prefers to be the one to touch you.

The first time you sit on his face it's actually his suggestion; he'd heard his brother talking (bragging loudly) about it and it only brought his curiosity back again since he didn't know how the person on the bottom could possibly breathe like that. It's silly, he's eaten you out enough times to know that it's pretty much the same thing, but the thought of balancing yourself on him and grinding down while he puts his new skills to use has you really ready to try it, you're not about to lie.

When you do, he instantly becomes enamoured by the sight above him, his hands on your thighs as you steady yourself, and he forgets all about breathing as he devours you whole while you indulge in grinding down on his deliciously large nose.

He adds that one to his list of favourite positions after that, which of course isn't a very big list since he's done so little, but hey, you aren't complaining at all when you're sitting together and he randomly starts whispering about how much he wishes he could sneak you away to try that again.

Despite his growing experience he still remains sweet, which you really appreciate and love about him. No matter what he does and how fervently he does it he still loves the softer moments when he can hold you, have you sit on his lap just to be closer to him, press kisses to your shoulder and rest his chin on you. He loves singing showtunes with you, which is something he kept secret since he knows it's not very manly, but neither is everything else he likes and you still love him all the same, and you honestly can't get enough of his voice and the way he sings so wholeheartedly. Above all he loves to fall asleep holding onto you, and he says he's in love with you as he nuzzles into your shoulder and closes his eyes, and you know he means it more than anyone else who'd ever said it to you.

You finally sleep together after several months of dating, and he's the one who isn't aware of what's in store when you invite him over for dinner. You have it all planned just for him: a lovely romantic meal to start, completely with candles, fake rose petals leading from your dining room to your bedroom just so he gets that he's going to be the one pampered tonight, and a playlist of songs he likes to set the mood. It's romantic as all hell if not a bit cheesy, but you know that he'll love it when you send the text to come over that night.

As you expected he gets overwhelmed, he never thought he'd get to be loved this much as more years passed and every eligible date turned him down because of his hobbies and general awkwardness, if anything he thought he'd lost his chance for a quicky just to get it over with at that sleazy restaurant, so to have you wine and dine him while he talks about his latest session, and still have you want to bring him to his room to continue this date has him so in love with you he doesn't know what to do.

He nearly backs out due to his nervousness because what if he's no good at it? What if the only thing he's good at is everything other than actual sex and you think he's terrible and never want to sleep with him again? What if he ruins the whole night because you already know he doesn't have the endurance yet to last very long because he's mostly been focused on you and he ends up disappointing you in the worst way? You reassure him with a kiss to the nose that even if any of that happens you'll still want to be with him, and that it'll just mean you'll have to learn all the things he likes in order to repay him for the best months of your life.

You strip him down just because you can see him shaking in excitement a bit too much to do it himself, but that only makes him more excited as he watches you do it. By the time you climb on top of his lap he's ready to kiss you into oblivion from the anticipation, and sure enough he doesn't last long when you lower yourself onto him, but that enthusiasm of his comes very much in handy as he recovers and ends up taking your breath away with how he catches on fast.

He ends up going several rounds with you that night, ready to try out everything he'd been imagining but had never gotten the chance to do, all the while working you up as you get more sensitive and overstimulated, and in the end, when he has nothing more to give and his limbs are shaking from the exertion, he gets you on your back and mouths at your clit and piercing until he makes you come one final time.

As you lay in bed you ask him if he'd maybe consider getting a piercing of his own, which he doesn't get until you explain with a grin, and the thought of it is nearly enough to break him as he winces and shakes his head. You shelve that one for later, you've always wanted a partner to match, and who knows? Maybe if you casually slip it into your own conversations enough the curiosity might overtake him again.

[sadiramaeart]

Watching BoJack horseman while doing a unit in my psych class about narcissists is insane. It is such an amazing and accurate portrayal. You can never win with narcissists, no matter how hard you try. What a lot of people do not understand about narcissists is they are all ego and no self-esteem. Either they grew up around parents that destroyed their self-esteem so thoroughly that they had to develop an inflated ego to emotionally survive (Bojack) or they were never raised to have an honest and healthy understanding of their own abilities, talents and limitations (which is what self-esteem is) and were instead raised entirely on ego (Mr.Peanutbutter). Using the first example I gave, in a narcissist's head, especially in relationships, their self-esteem will tell them they're not lovable, and their ego will overcompensate saying "Yes I am! In fact, I deserve completely unconditional love!"

And God help the person they fall in love with. They will DESTROY that person to prove to themselves that they deserve unconditional love. It will start out slow and subtle, the narcissistic person creating situations where their partner gives up little pieces of themselves. If you're outside looking in, logically, most of these situations don't make sense. They could easily be corrected without the partner giving up parts of themselves, but it isn't about logic; it's about the narcissistic person making the partner give up parts of themselves to prove their love. When the partner gives up things, their ego will say "look what they gave up for me when I didn't give anything back! I deserve unconditional love and I'm getting it!" and their self-esteem will go "that's not unconditional, it could be worse! you're not as lovable as you think you are". So they move the bar and make their partner give up more, and more, and more.

The show has a lot of really great examples, such as Bojack stringing PC along until she's almost too old to have children because he doesn't want them and she does, calling Hollyhock in the middle of the night to tell her he liked her IG post, constantly tearing down Todd, and literally drowning himself because Diane didn't answer the phone in the middle of the night. These were all tests of unconditional love in his head.

A lot of real world examples of the way narcissists do this (especifically narcissistic men do to their wives/partners) is making them give up their jobs because if they loved them unconditionally, they would trust them with all the financial control, they alienate them from their social circles and friends because if they truly love them unconditionally they don't need other friends and hobbies, they'll usually manipulate them into having their children because if they loved them unconditionally they would risk their health and their lives to give him a legacy. Since all of this is a twisted test of unconditional love in the narcissist's head, they literally can't give even modicum of what they're taking because that would mean the love isn't unconditional. This is also a rigged game, no matter how much unconditional love their partner shows, they are proving the narcissist wrong in some way. They are either proving their self-esteem wrong by loving them unconditionally, or proving their ego wrong by not living up to their twisted standards. So, they destroy their partners, leaving them a husk of the person they were, sacrificed on the altar of their ego. And after all of that, when they have been destroyed mind, body, and soul, the narcissist will abandon them, the person who loved them so much, because they became living proof of how destructive the narcissist's love is. And if there is one thing narcissists cannot handle, it is the truth about themselves. Which is exactly what happened to Sarah Lynn. No he didn't marry Sarah Lynn, but he destroyed her, completely. And his constant guilt over the little moments where he messed up her life is proof of that, he was aware of what he was doing on some level. He was trying to lead her down the same path he was on, and there was no way for her to win. Either she told him his ego is wrong by taking her own path, or she went the same way he did telling him his self-esteem is wrong and destroying herself in the process.

[can-of-w0rmz]

oooh I get it. He speaks the way the guilty speak. The specific way. The one you can be sure of. You know this. He has the vibes, right? The pedo vibes. The clear, evident, quantifiable vibes of a pedophile which are obvious to anyone who has two brain cells. And it's upon vibes that we judge one's guilt and innocence. And also anyone can do it, you don't need to have any kind of training and understanding of law and context. And again, the culture that condemned him was not horrifyingly bigoted to the extent that it invalidates any judgement cast.

Yes, purity culture. You're doing it right now. You're twisting yourself into knots desperately grasping for straws because a gay man gives you weird vibes and you heard a rumor he might have done something. You're playing into every groomer stereotype of LGBTQ people, you're doing republicans' and tories' and nazis' jobs for them. All because you're super-duper for-sure certain the guy was skeevy and weird and gross. And you have to be correct, right? Because you're a good person, as you know, and you wouldn't be doing wrong stuff, right?

So congrats. And I mean... look at these anons who agree with you. For surely it's not just the same one weirdo who has the same ill obsession with purity as you. And before you accuse me of going anon as well - yeah. Because otherwise you'd block me, and then you'd get to entertain and spread these noxious ideas unchallenged.

And fyi, purity culture dipshits are ALWAYS one of two things: either clueless dogshit tweens like you who are desperate to get one over the olds because tiktok has colonized your brains with corporate advert acceptability standards, or actual literal groomer pedophiles taking advantage of the fact that purity circles are full of easily manipulated morons and passing themselves off as "one of the safe, good, antishipper adults".

Fuck right off with all of every one of those things, clownlord. God you terf island fuckers are the abusive, toxic, vile fucking same.

IM LITERALTPISSING MYSELF EN I CANT DO THIS OH MY GOD WHY AM I ON THIS WESBITE I CANT DO THIS SHIT ANYMORE I can’t oh my days

Nahh guys solid proof in a court of law is just a silly rumour guys. Just a silly little rumour guys just a silly little rumour. A man constantly backtracking on everything he says and does and putting up arguments for the sake of trying to sound smart and then immediately getting called out and then backtracking with no solid argument against what he just said is just normal guy things to do when being in trial for touching little boys. Real.

Bro can’t decide whether he’s guilty or not either, is he guilty but not really because we’re only saying he’s wrong bc purity culture, or is he not guilty and we’re only saying he is because he has Evil Gay Man Voice………….. and Evil Gay Man Voice is what’s making us think he’s a nonce……….

@petricharme come here I can’t do this shit I’m logging off I can’t oh my days MY AGE HAS CHANGED AGAIN first I’m in my 20s and now I’m a tween oh my days I’m all over the show that’s crazy AND I’M A TERF that’s crazy I didn’t know I could be a tranny and a terf that’s mad. I mean that’s so real. I hate transgender people……. And the gays………. Fucking faggots…… all of them are pedophiles I can tell bc Evil Gay Man Voice👎👎👎👎

Wilde: