#this post does however clarify my position for people confused about where i stand

[crimeronan]

the actual empirical reason why "ofc" means "of course" and always has is because you could use it on neopets when the term "lmao" was banned circa 2006 to 2009ish. anyone who decided it means 'of fucking course' did so within the last decade and is using revisionist linguistics. Know Your Internet History. Do Not Cite The Deep Magic To Me Etc

but it's also because fucking nobody uses "oc" to mean "of course" so if someone types "ofc" that's..... because it means "of course." because if you want to abbreviate of course, you don't use oc. because oc is not an understood linguistic abbreviation.

and if you mean "of fucking course" then that's fine. however if you insist that the acronym always means that and always has, then my question is: what abbreviation do you use to mean 'of course,' HMM. oh, it's NOT oc?? but i thought the f in ofc was for the Fuck word?? so surely we should be writing 'of course' as oc if we want to abbreviate it???? CURIOUS 🧐🧐🧐🧐🧐🧐🧐🧐

[gh0st-patr0l]

ADHD in DSMP

So about a week back, I made a post about Karl Jacobs (a bit of a passive aggressive one, I’ll admit, but I think it was justified), complaining that a lot of the ‘criticism’ I see about Karl is actually rather insensitive towards his ADHD. I got a lot of responses to that post, and the most common sources of confusion I saw were:

People not understanding what I was saying they should avoid being judgmental of, or-

People who didn’t know that Karl had ADHD or didn’t understand which behaviors were caused by it.

First of all, Karl has confirmed that he has ADHD.

(NOTE: Yes, I know he said ADD. ADD and ADHD used to be categorized as separate disorders, but in the most recent edition of the DSM, it was decided that they are both simply subtypes of the same disorder- ADHD is the correct technical term. ADD is still sometimes used as shorthand by some practitioners to diagnose primarily-inattentive ADHD, but it's a bit outdated.)

Secondly, that original post made me realize that a lot of people who may be well-meaning may genuinely not fully understand ADHD and its symptoms as well as they want to or think they might. If you aren’t aware, Karl isn’t the only one in the DSMP with ADHD- to my understanding, both Technoblade and Dream have confirmed that they have it as well. So, I thought it would be helpful to put together a comprehensive crash-course on ADHD symptoms and how they effect people’s behavior!

Now, before we go further, I want to address something- as I said earlier, I saw some people unsure of whether certain behaviors are ADHD or “just his personality”. I feel the need to point this out above the read more so people will see it. To answer this question, as someone with ADHD;

A lot of times, it’s both. ADHD is a neurodevelopmental disorder, meaning that it’s caused by the way your brain developed from birth. A lot of the symptoms and effects of ADHD are extremely influential towards the way we think, act, and behave, to the point where “symptoms” and “normal behavior” really don’t have a clean differentiation. This is why it’s technically classified as a ‘disorder’, instead of an illness. While certain aspects of it can require treatment, the condition itself as a whole is not something to be mitigated or eliminated- it’s a part of who we are as a person. This is also why sometimes, even if you don’t have ADHD, you’ll look at certain specific behaviors or experiences and go “Oh, but I do that too!”. A lot of ADHD ‘symptoms’ are just a bunch of normal traits or behaviors, but in combination with each other and some actually problematic aspects, form the appearance of the disorder.

So, what are you allowed to nitpick about it? Well, there’s no real ‘authority’ on this, and even if there was it certainly wouldn’t be me. But if you want my opinion? Nothing.

See, here’s the thing- what I was trying to say when I made that post was not that you can’t be critical of Karl. If you want to say something about his Actions, his Ideals, or the content he creates- sure, go for it, that’s fair. I will agree that there are some very valid and constructive points to be made. But when you post ‘criticism’ about the way he speaks, his interests or preoccupations, his personal behaviors? That’s not criticism. That’s just judging someone.

And you’re allowed to think that stuff! Nobody can control what annoys or bothers them. It doesn’t necessarily make you a bad person. But you don’t need to be vocal about it. You can keep your mean thoughts to yourself. And if you do make posts or communities or whatever about judging someone for things they can’t change about themselves, don’t call it “criticism” or try to morally justify it. It’s not productive or righteous, it’s just rude. Nothing else.

Anyway. Back to Education!

The following will be a descriptive list of visible ADHD behaviors, using Karl’s behavior as examples.

I feel the need to add a disclaimer here- I am not a mental health professional. However! I have ADHD myself, I have taken some psychology courses and done a Lot of research into this stuff, and I’m the daughter of a therapist with access to a DSM. While I’m not an expert, I’d like to think I’m fairly well versed and knowledgeable on at least ADHD. (That being said, if by chance anyone who Is a professional sees this post and notices mistakes, by all means let me know and I’ll fix it!!)

WHAT IS ADHD?

You’re here for the behaviors more than the science, so I’ll keep this short and sweet. ADHD is Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (Known in the past as Attention Deficit Disorder). Despite its name, the root problem of ADHD is not in the person’s ability to pay attention, but their brain’s capability to manage itself. In simple terms, people with ADHD have a lot less control over what their brain does and wants. This results in some behavioral differences along with some personal challenges, namely a difficulty with attentiveness and self-discipline.

Now, onto the symptoms!

ATTENTION

This is perhaps the most visible and pervasive of the ADHD symptoms, hence why it’s the namesake. Inattention is a lack of focus and an inability to stay present and occupied with certain tasks or thoughts.

Because ADHD impairs self-management of the brain, people with it have an extremely hard time directing themselves anywhere but where their brain instinctively wants to go. This results in inattentiveness and the easiness of distraction that is often mocked or stereotyped for people with ADHD.

Here are some examples of how Karl can sometimes display his inattentiveness;

When he has an idea that he seems passionate about, only to drop it or switch to something totally different without warning soon after (either forgetting or getting bored of his original idea).

When he sets out to do something like a build, works on it for a short amount of time, and then immediately gives up or gets someone else to do it.

When someone else is talking and he totally zones out. (NOTE: While I wont make a whole section for it because it’s not easily observable, maladaptive (constant and intrusive) daydreaming is a common ADHD symptom as well!)

It’s important to remember that the whole problem with ADHD is that we can’t control when or what we focus on. When someone with ADHD zones out during a conversation or activity, it doesn’t mean they’re doing it on purpose, and they likely don’t mean any offense! We often are trying our best to listen or participate, but our brain just wont cooperate.

However, inattention is not the only way ADHD effects our focus. There’s also what’s called hyperfocus or hyperfixation, which is when we are so absorbed into a single subject, task, or idea that it is extremely difficult to get us to think about or do anything else. This is usually because our brains have found something that is getting those satisfaction chemicals flowing, and it’s clinging to that with everything it’s got.

People with ADHD will often experience brief periods of hyperfocus. Think of how Karl talks about spending hours straight working on a build or project without eating or drinking, or how he’ll sit down to play a game with someone and end up going six hours without even noticing.

There are also hyperfixations, where someone with ADHD becomes extremely preoccupied with a certain subject, topic, etc. for a period of time. These can be short term- personally, my hyperfixation can sometimes change as quickly as a couple weeks at a time. However, it can also be long term. Karl has been obsessed with Survivor since the second grade- not to mention his memorabilia, rambling, and constant references to Kingdom Hearts.

HYPERACTIVITY/STIMMING

This is a BIG one for Karl. I should clarify; ‘stimming’ is not a technical term, and in professional situations these behaviors are just referred to as Hyperactivity. However, I personally like the term stimming much more and find it far more accurate to what the behaviors actually are, so I’ll be using that instead for this post.

If you’re not already familiar, ‘stimming’ (derived from ‘stimulation’) is an unofficial term used to describe consistent and abnormal patterns of physical and vocal behavior typically expressed by people with ADHD and ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder). This includes things that people usually call fidgets or tics.

(NOTE: There are differences in how people with those two disorders stim. This post will explain stimming specifically from an ADHD perspective! ASD stimming is caused by very different factors and presents itself in much different ways. Do your own research if you’re curious!) 

There are two major observable forms of stimming- physical and vocal. Karl expresses both VERY often! I’ll use examples for each type;

Physical Stims: Flapping his hands/arms, jumping up and down when he’s excited, twisting around into odd positions in his chair, throwing, hitting, or tapping things, standing up and pacing around when he’s hyped up or laughing, twisting his rings, etc.

Vocal Stims: When he gets excited and repeats a certain phrase incessantly (Think any variation of “I’m popping off”), making certain repetitive noises while he’s focused on something or bored (”la la la”, the meow-noises, the weird heart-beat noise, etc.), singing or humming, tongue clicking.

It should be noted here that it’s pretty common for people with ADHD to get “stuck” on certain phrases or noises, and be unable to stop repeating them (reminiscent of echolalia, a symptom of ASD, but not the same thing). Think of how Karl might sometimes keep making a weird noise for an extended period of time even though it’s not that funny, or that one time he was physically struggling to keep himself from singing the Bakugan theme. These repetitions are completely impulsive and trust me, we usually know how annoying it is while we’re doing it, but we physically cannot stop.

ADHD stims are caused by the fact that the barrier between our brain and body is much weaker than a normal person’s. Because of this, most ADHD stims are actually very positive expressions of joy, excitement, or enthusiasm! Y’know how when you get excited, you feel like you wanna jump or dance? The ‘hyperactivity’ of ADHD is basically just that, but we don’t have the self-control to Not do it.

Stims can be caused by negative feelings like overstimulation, but in ADHD this is not nearly as common. Usually, the most negative reason we’ll stim is when we’re bored- in that case, our brain isn’t getting the Constant Stimulation that it naturally wants, so stimming is a way to make our own.

Whatever the cause, stimming is natural and impulsive. While different people experience it to varying degrees, those who regularly stim typically have little to no control over it. Suppressing stims is very hard and very frustrating to do.

Besides that, like I said- ADHD stims are often an expression of joy, excitement, or enthusiasm. They’re a beautiful thing that shouldn’t be seen as shameful or annoying!

BEHAVIORAL DIFFICULTIES

ADHD is a disorder which causes a lack of self-control. Naturally, this means that people with ADHD are inherently reckless, impulsive, and struggle with a lack of self-discipline that they cannot fix.

Of course, people with ADHD do still have some level of self-control, and they are still responsible for conscious, long-term behavioral patterns and decisions. However, in regards to most things, they are much, much less capable of controlling themselves than an average neurotypical person is.

These are some examples of how this will often present itself in Karl;

Excessive rambling, dragging on a joke or conversation when it could and should probably have been dropped, etc.

Speaking over or interrupting other people (NOTE: As someone with ADHD- THIS IS ALMOST ALWAYS UNINTENTIONAL. I know it can seem rude or annoying but I promise, 90% of the time if someone with ADHD talks over you, they either didn’t realize or physically couldn’t help it. Please try to be patient!)

Lack of awareness towards social cues (NOTE: Unlike ASD, in which the person is incapable of/has problems fully understanding social cues, ADHD results in a lack of awareness. For whatever reason, we’re often just not paying close enough attention to pick up on things like body language, tone of speech, and facial expression as well as we would normally.)

Indecisiveness and overthinking

Bluntness, lack of subtlety

Unintentional dismissiveness, accidentally ignoring things/people (NOTE: Again, this behavior is purely accidental. In this case, it’s usually just the person genuinely not hearing or processing things.)

Making noises, speaking, joking, etc. at inappropriate times

There’s probably more, but I think you get the idea by now. A lot of the time, behavior which results from ADHD can be seen as rude, lazy, dismissive, or otherwise intentionally harmful. In reality, we just aren’t wired to navigate common social interaction with grace.

In Karl’s case, he’s clearly an incredibly sweet, empathetic, and kind-hearted person, if the various close friends who have talked about him are to be believed. Just because he talks over people or makes a poorly timed joke, that doesn’t mean he meant any harm. 

I think that’s about it for how much I wanted to point out! You can do more research if you’re curious, but I feel like this post should be enough to tell you what to keep in mind and be understanding about when talking about/making judgements on Karl, and other people with ADHD.

[kitkatopinions]

Team RWBY doesn’t have the moral high ground in their spat with Ironwood. RWBY crit under the keep reading. If you don’t want to see any Ironwood defense or people talking about RWBY being questionable, don’t read this.

First off, I want to start by saying that I’m against Ironwood murdering, attempting to kill a fifteen year old, and hacking into Penny. I think that was a bad choice from the writers, but I can explain that in another post if people are interested. However, since the only member of RWBY and co that knows about that (if I recall correctly) is Oscar, I’m going to frame all of this from only their main argument; Ruby wants to keep Atlas, the Relics, and the Maiden in Salem’s direct line of fire until they can evacuate the people of Mantle who are getting attacked by Grimm. And Ironwood wants to save the Relics, the Maiden, Atlas, and arguably the world, despite the fact that he would be leaving Mantle without proper defenses. The show frames Ironwood’s choice as absolutely wrong, cruel, proof that he’s untrustworthy, and proof that he’s a danger to everyone.

RWBY would rather stand and fight, making a stand against an immortal witch, because they can’t save everyone in Mantle yet (thus leaving both cities in danger.)

In season eight, didn’t all of Team RWBY, JNOR, and the Huntresses essentially give up on Atlas though? Essentially saying ‘it’s too late for Atlas’ and choosing between A. Helping Mantle or B. Launching Amity? One could argue that knowing Ironwood would be launching defenses himself, they didn’t think they needed to help, but we see tons of soldiers launching themselves into battle, we see Grimm in the city, possibly killing children, and Ironwood told them that he and his soldiers were all completely exhausted. It’s possible RWBY and co didn’t realize this would happen, but they still abandoned an entire very large city, knowing that Salem was attacking, and knowing that the Vale authorities and the Atlas authorities weren’t enough to stop the attack on Vale that Salem wasn’t even a part of. Either they were blind and foolish, or they knew the attack would be devastating and didn’t do much of anything to stop it. Let me correct that. They actively stopped people from stopping it.

The fact that Team RWBY and co disagreed with Ironwood’s choice to abandon Mantle wasn’t my main problem, I actually like that. But they pretty much immediately abandoned Atlas themselves, which is just as bad and destroys their message of ‘you have to work to save everyone.’ They split into two groups, and the group specifically sent to help Mantle... Oh yeah, abandons it. I understand that they were trying to save Oscar and they were teenagers who were emotional, but JRY officially no longer have any moral high ground. They were fine with completely abandoning one city to save another, and then they were fine with abandoning an entire city of people to save one person. Team RWBY took the stance of ‘it’s better to send out a confusing message to everyone to warn them of danger and ask people who mostly couldn’t make it to Atlas in time to come and help us.’ This shouldn’t have ever even been on the table because at the tail end of season seven, they established Amity wasn’t nearly finished, and then pretended it was in the next season. However, they did retcon that to give RWBY and co a win. But when they manage to launch Amity, instead of doing anything to help Mantle or Atlas, three of our main characters sit and wonder if they should bother. They officially have no moral high ground. You could say they were trying to help save the world by getting the message out, but of course, you could say Ironwood was trying to save the world by getting the Relics and Maiden away from Salem’s reach, only while Ironwood was sacrificing Mantle, RWBN + Penny was abandoning Atlas and Mantle, and then when they finished their task, they did nothing more to help either city.

This isn’t a story about unity, this isn’t a story about trust, because Ironwood trusted our main heroes and they betrayed him only for the story to then frame them as Right and him as Wrong despite the fact that they don’t actually have a moral high ground in that fight, and Ruby was proven ‘right’ for their own mistrust by having the show make Ironwood a full blown child murderer. They warn the whole world that he can’t be trusted because he was doing the same thing they were doing in a way that arguably would save more lives. It’s very possible that if they were working together with Ironwood, they would be able to save everyone like Ruby wanted. But again, their group doesn’t have the high ground, because the reasons he doesn’t trust them and the reasons he tried to have them arrested are directly based on actions they did. Ruby led everyone into lying to him, and Blake and Yang went behind his back and divulged secret plans to Robyn (and she apparently wouldn’t stop talking about it.) They didn’t realize what it would lead to, but it was their actions that made James distrust them. Yes, Ironwood is also partly responsible because he wasn’t listening to them, but he’d given them the benefit of the doubt before. He’d trusted them, brought them into his plans, gave them their licenses, considered himself lucky to have them, and then they lied to him and went behind his back. This is why I actually like Yang arguing with Ruby, and I actually would’ve liked more of that. If the story was, Yang was accusing Ruby and Ren was accusing Yang and Blake, and some of them were saying they should try to reason with Ironwood and others were saying he clearly won’t listen, and Ruby was struggling to hold her own team together, it could’ve been a great consequence to the actions they took. Maybe Yang wouldn’t be being fair (since she’s lied too and let Ruby lie to Ironwood,) and maybe Ren wouldn’t be being fair (Blake and Yang were only trying to help,) and maybe it’s clear to the audience that James isn’t being receptive. But I just think that would’ve actually been more interesting than just Yang saying Ruby wasn’t that good of a leader and then dropping it and defending their track record to Ren.

Personally, I would really prefer it if this arc was centered around Team RWBY and co being confronted with consequences, but still coming out on top because (presuming that the show didn’t have James go way too far) they actually manage to break through to Ironwood eventually, helping him through his clear mental breakdown and convincing him to let them in again and join together to fight Salem back. Ruby learning that she shouldn’t have lied promotes the show’s pushed message of trust and honesty and sets Ruby apart from Ozpin (who had great reason for being wary, but still insisted that he was right to keep things from them and didn’t seem open to changing that.) Ruby and her team not trying to divide the people against a leader who’s only trying to do what’s right (again, this James wouldn’t murder people when he could’ve just arrested them,) would promote the show’s supposed narrative of unity against evil, with Team RWBY not willing to have an ‘us versus them’ perspective. And Ruby managing to talk Ironwood around and help him, thus managing the unity, furthers the ‘victory is in a simple soul’ message that the show has always tried to have. Making Ruby actually win through her emotions like they want by having her act in compassion to James would help their message, instead of retconning things to make her have a win. Having her be a leader who steps up and takes responsibility, who does unify people against Salem, and who maybe even leads the attack would make her a much more active and good protagonist. Honestly, idk if those are even good ideas. I’m just disappointed.

Just to clarify in case it wasn’t clear, 1. I’m not trying to hate on the mains. Every good character has flaws and makes mistakes, I just don’t like how the show frames them as morally superior, in the right, and totally ready to lead while ignoring the flaws. 2. I’m not saying that James is perfect. He’s a deeply flawed character and I like his gray ‘ends justify the means’ character. But his obvious PTSD and paranoia are mental problems that should be treated with more sympathy. 3. I also am not saying his actions of senseless murder and hacking Penny are alright. I think they’re horrific and actually move him out of a position where he can be redeemed (unless they really go hard to make the actions a product of a semblance or subtle mind control or something.)

[a-crimson-lion]

“It Makes Me Wanna Keep Him At Arm’s Length” An Overview On Katsuki Bakugo’s Development

[I should by no means be the one writing this analysis, but here we are. Obviously it’s an overview on Katsuki’s character development, but there’s a bit more to it than that. Keep reading if you want the details.]

Table of Contents

i) Prologue

I) A Brief Explanation

II) The “What The F*** Is Your Existence” Phase

II.A) Breaking The Barriers

III) The “I Can’t Let You Get Ahead Of Me” Phase

IV) The “Why Don’t You Care About Yourself” Phase

V) Final Address+Conclusion

Word Count: 4415

[Warning: Contains manga spoilers up to Ch. 284. Will also include spoilers for the movies and OVAs, as well as the special Deku & Bakugo: Rising two-shot manga. Reader’s discretion is advised. Not scared off yet? Good. Let’s do this.]

i) Prologue

Alright, no beating around the bush, I guess.

We all know this has to deal with Ch. 284, and the milestone that came with it. We got a rare look inside Katsuki’s perspective, and we saw firsthand how much his perspective has changed from the start of the story. I don’t think we’ve ever gotten such an in-depth look into Katsuki’s psyche since Deku vs Kacchan 2. It’s honestly impressive.

...which is why I’m so confused by a certain kind of response to it.

When you look past the swarms of tumblr posts absolutely losing their s*** over Katsuki getting further character development, you come across an… admittedly troubling response. The idea that “Katsuki always cared.” The idea that as early as the Battle Trial, if not middle school, Katsuki was secretly keeping an eye out for Izuku in their tumultuous relationship.

...no. Just-. No, what the-

I’ll get to why this particular response pisses me off in a bit, but before that, I wanna give a run down of Katsuki’s development, according to the narrative. Anyone who’s been around my blog long enough knows that I don’t exactly hold Katsuki in good graces. (Pretty much the opposite, actually.) However, in light of recent developments, that’s not what this post is gonna be focusing on. And as such, I’ll keep the snark and branch conversations to a minimum… to the best of my abilities.

So… how are we gonna do this?

I) A Brief Explanation

After we finish this brief “tutorial” section, the next three segments of the post will cover the various time frames of Katsuki’s development. I’ll be going through a general rundown of Katsuki’s perspective and the various evidence points that lead me to my conclusions. It’s essentially a glorified retelling. Sound good? Alrighty then!

II) The “What The F*** Is Your Existence” Phase

Time Frame: Ch. 1-Ch. 116 [Sludge Villain Arc-Late Provisional Hero License Exam Arc]

In case the Prologue didn’t make things clear, let me spell it out: Katsuki didn’t always care.

At least, he didn’t “always care” in the positive sense.

To clarify, this isn’t just 3rd Year Middle School Katsuki to UA Katsuki. This is all the way back to the River Incident. Katsuki has had this mentality for that long and then some when you shift out of backstory territory. We’re talking about the same kid who nearly murdered Izuku in the Battle Trial, blasted Izuku to kingdom come in the Training of the Dead OVA, and decked Izuku during the Final Exams. So…

The following hinges majorly on the line Katsuki stated in Chapter 284, and the title of this analysis: “It makes me wanna keep him at arm’s length.” Contrary to popular belief, this does not just apply to the idea that Katsuki wants to stick around Izuku to keep him from destroying himself.

...it’s also a major contributor to the reason Katsuki bullied Izuku in the past.

So let’s backtrack to the River incident. Katsuki takes one wrong step on a log, slips, and falls down into the river below. Izuku is the only one that goes down to help him. This infuriates Katsuki because he was fine, as was said by him and everyone but Izuku that was present that day. This is also the first time Katsuki becomes aware of something he echoes in the Ch. 284 flashback:

“He just… Deep down, he doesn’t take himself into account, y’know?”

This is Katsuki’s first run in with Izuku’s inherent selflessness. Initially, he takes it as pity; in his words, Izuku is “looking down on him.” And this bothers him a great deal. Then when it comes to Quirks, Katsuki gets one and Izuku doesn’t. This assures Katsuki of something he shortly discovered previously: Izuku isn’t all that special.

It’s a brief comfort. Because Izuku hasn’t taken the damn hint and stopped hanging out with him and his friends. The Quirked kids. The normal kids.

And worst still, he’s willing to get in Katsuki’s way just because someone else is in his line of fire. In the back of his mind, it’s the River Incident all over again, though he’s not being feared for; he’s being feared of. It’s all wrong. Deku isn’t strong like the rest of them. Deku can’t be a hero. Deku knows that.

...he knows that he doesn’t stand a chance, right? He knows how the world really works. Is he… is he putting on an act?

One of the few remarkable traits Katsuki has right from the get-go is his disdain against dishonesty. So, when he sees Izuku putting on a brave face and acting like a hero, and Katsuki decides that Izuku’s just “pretending,” Katsuki takes the matter into his own hands. He’ll get Izuku to show his true colors in due time. That’s what heroes do, right? Take down the bad guys? And Izuku faking about caring for others when everyone else clearly puts themselves first and foremost sounds pretty bad guy-like, at least at the time.

So, Izuku keeps on trucking, occasionally trying to join back up with Katsuki’s group on a near frequent basis. Even when that fails, he tries his damnedest to catch up.

But what many people forget is that at some point, Izuku stopped following, at least actively.

By Chapter 1, he’s making sure to keep from drawing attention to himself. He’s not as enthusiastic as everyone else in the class, he tries backing away from Katsuki and shrinking down on himself, tries defusing the situation. That doesn’t sound like Izuku’s still trying to keep up. Even in the special two-shot manga dedicated to Heroes: Rising, Izuku isn’t the one to draw attention to Katsuki’s presence. And even when he does go after Katsuki and the villain, his attention is more so focused on the villain, thoughts of staying out of Katsuki’s way to not offend him likely somewhere in his mind.

So then why does Katsuki keep antagonizing him in the first chapter of canon proper? And even before that, most likely?

“It makes me wanna keep him at arm’s length.”

...Izuku didn’t stop being Izuku. Izuku didn’t stop being selfless.

And his selflessness is what pisses Katsuki off to no end. So, he keeps pursuing Izuku, keeps trying to get him to “drop the act.” Makes him a “punching bag,” as Izuku states in Chapter 8. Because the way things work, Izuku should not be trying to be a hero. He should not be trying to put on a brave face when he’s scared s***less. He should not be sticking his neck out for others when he doesn’t (or rather, didn’t) have anything to stick up for himself.

Katsuki was born with something that made everyone consider him prime hero material. Izuku was born without that, and was considered the opposite… and yet, he still tries.

And this character trait, this selflessness, it drives Katsuki insane. And it continues to do so well beyond the Battle Trial Arc. Even when Katsuki is able to begrudgingly accept that Quirkless Deku has a Quirk now, somehow, his selflessness continues to bring Katsuki grief. While it’s never inherently brought up, this is the dividing factor between Izuku’s fight against Shoto in the Sport’s Festival and Katsuki’s fight with Shoto in the Sport’s Festival.

Izuku was willing to go all out at the cost of himself just so Shoto could accept what was his. Katsuki just wanted a good brawl, to be the undisputed first place.

This even continues well into the Final Exams, though the fact that Katsuki is running high on arrogance and anger does nothing to soothe matters. It takes a deck to face and later an explosive kabedon wall smash to get Izuku and Katsuki working together, and let’s not forget that when Izuku was trying to get Katsuki to realize they were still fighting All Might, regardless of whatever handicaps he may or may not have, he gets decked in the nose for his efforts. While it’s technically a subtler play on Izuku’s selflessness and concern for others, Katsuki likely took it as further mockery, another attempt for Deku to try and get under his skin and throw him off.

In any case, throughout this time period, Katsuki cares f*** all for Izuku or his philosophy, opting to brute force things up until the very end of the time frame. But what causes the eventual shift?

II.A) Breaking The Barriers

A number of things, actually.

None of the proceeding events ever do a clean cut on Katsuki’s worldview. It’s more like chiseling through a wall than breaking it down with a hammer.

The Sludge Villain is the first hint that Izuku might not be faking and Katsuki might not be at the top. While many claim that Katsuki leaves Izuku alone because he feels indebted to him but doesn’t want to admit it, it’s more than likely that he’s more focused on his own self-loathing. This incident is what defines him for a good chunk of the series, to his chagrin.

The Battle Trial is just another nail in the eventual coffin. Katsuki thinks he’s finally got Izuku right where he wants him, only for Izuku to pull a 500 IQ play and prioritize the exercise over his and Katsuki’s squabbles, taking the brunt of Katsuki’s attack and attention while giving Ochako the opportunity to capture the bomb. That look of frustration is Katsuki realizing that not only did Izuku get ahead, he got ahead with the very thing Katsuki despises. Needless to say, it f***s with him well until the aftermath outside of UA’s gate.

Shoto refusing to use his flames is another chip off the marble that is Katsuki’s pride. It reinforces the idea that Izuku is doing something that Katsuki isn’t, something that Izuku shouldn’t have in the first place, beyond a Quirk at least. So, Katsuki rages, because he can’t understand why it’s such a big deal, in both Izuku’s and Shoto’s cases.

The Final Exams just hammer the point home further. Katsuki’s one-track minded attempts to bring down All Might are met with no results. He would have failed that exam if it wasn’t for Izuku’s selflessness or Katsuki “lowering himself” to cooperate with him. Had Katsuki not gotten decked in the face and dragged off or got saved at the last minute while he was knocked out, he definitely would have failed on account of becoming a liability.

The Training Camp attack is an odd mix of Katsuki’s current philosophy and the next stage in it. He knows Izuku’s gonna go and save his ass, and he wants no part of that because hasn’t he made him suffer enough already? Hasn’t he already proved time and time again that he’s getting better, despite the fact that Katsuki doesn’t want or believe it? Despite the fact that it shouldn’t even be happening if things were right in the world? Izuku does recognize Katsuki’s wounded pride, however, which is instrumental in getting him out of All For One’s clutches during Kamino.

If we briefly direct our attention to the Make It! Do-Or-Die Survival Training! OVA, Katsuki is pretty adamant on claiming he only got the power back on in the underground mall to complete the exercise. And I don’t think that’s Katsuki’s “tsundere” talking, either: I genuinely believe that Katsuki’s only thoughts at the moment was getting the exercise done. Everyone else was just secondary. And remember, Katsuki hates dishonesty, which is probably why he doesn’t take credit for “saving” Izuku and Shoto. While his actions did save the two of them and everyone else in the mall, that wasn’t his intention, which is an interesting flip on Izuku’s performance back in the Battle Trial. Couple that with the fact that Katsuki is injured (and therefore weak, and in need of help), and it’s no wonder he’s in a sour mood towards the end of it all.

And this sour mood carries over to the final nail in his coffin: the Provisional License Exam. He only gets by the first half because other people had the sense to tag along, but the second half regards his undoing because he still doesn’t get the whole selfless aspect of saving people in the second half of the exam. This was also foreshadowed back in the aforementioned OVA with Katsuki’s excessive animosity towards the victim dummy. Whether they be real or fake, Katsuki’s disregard of either victim doesn’t grant him his hero license.

This is the straw that breaks the camel's back for Katsuki. And ultimately, this sparks the start in his shift to the second phase of his development.

III) The “I Can’t Let You Get Ahead Of Me” Phase

Time Frame: Ch. 117-~Ch. 257 [Late Provisional Hero License Exam Arc-Early Paranormal Liberation War Arc]

Since this is only the second phase of Katsuki’s development (and given that this is Katsuki we’re talking about), don’t expect to get much of an upgrade with this shift.

Essentially, it boils down to two things: Katsuki stops viewing Izuku as an annoyance, and starts viewing him as an obstacle. Simultaneously, he starts seeing the viability of saving, at least as a tool in a hero’s kit.

Let me explain.

While Deku vs Kacchan 2 is the first time Izuku and Katsuki have attempted to talk out their issues… not much gets addressed. Sure, Katsuki becomes aware of Izuku not looking down on him, but Izuku is never made aware of the deeper issues regarding Katsuki’s loathing beyond that. It primarily serves as a half-barebones narrative checkpoint, a segway for Katsuki to get in on the secret of One For All.

...let’s also talk about that, shall we?

So Izuku’s been getting better as a hero and with his Quirk. Then Katsuki finds out after he gets kidnapped and rescued that Izuku is the successor to their mutual idol. And that’s after essentially being told he can’t be a hero in his current state due to the PLE. And what is his usual response to adversity? He decides to get ahead of it.

He’ll surpass Class 1-A so there won’t be another Battle Trial. He’ll surpass Izuku and One For All so he can truly claim that he’s the best of the best.

Unfortunately, we don’t get to see more of this development until the Joint Training Arc. However, keep in mind that this is only the second stage. Katsuki wants to prove that he’s the best, so of course he’s gonna step up his game. That means taking advice from the LITERAL (former) #1 HERO, and making the victory as flawless as possible. After all, Katsuki himself said in Chapter 208:

“I’ve decided! We’re gonna win this match with a perfect victory! 4-0, with everyone unscathed! That’s the kind of victory there is for the strongest guys out there!”

...it might be a slight exaggeration when he says he’s hardly changed at the end of that chapter, but then again it is a stretch to even call it an exaggeration.

That aside, Katsuki also makes it part of his agenda to keep tabs on OFA. This would fit into the “Katsuki secretly cares” agenda, but we haven’t reached that point. Right now, in these moments, Katsuki figures that if One For All starts getting freaky, he wants to know about it so he can get a leg up. And maybe part of him still wants to call Izuku out.

He was minorly ticked when Izuku allowed himself to make a mistake during their unauthorized fight. And he constantly reminds Izuku to not forget that he’s supposed to surpass him (or the other way around).

Taking off the rose-colored glasses for a moment, it does make sense for Katsuki to say this beyond the context of positive motivation. We are talking about the same Katsuki who lashed out at Shoto for holding back. It’s reasonable to assume that he doesn’t want Izuku to do the same, and lagging behind more or less equates to holding back.

And Katsuki still isn’t completely invested in Izuku’s training for Izuku’s sake. After the Joint Training, Katsuki tries getting Izuku to manifest Black Whip again, and nopes out shortly afterwards when nothing comes of their sparring sessions in Chapter 217. This still isn’t the Katsuki we see in the 284 flashback. He’s still got a ways to go.

Yes, this even rings true for Katsuki during Heroes: Rising. While the film might be the ultimate Bakudeku dream come true, there really isn’t… much depth in regards to Izuku and Katsuki’s past. Y’know, the thing that most people are hoping gets resolved? It only gets referenced a few times in the film, but doesn’t overall factor into anything meaningful. Most of the time when Izuku and Katsuki team up, Katsuki only gets to the fight because he wants to throw hands with villains on an island where (if the status quo had remained unchanged) was likely selected because it had little to no serious villain activity. It just so happens that protecting and working with Izuku is an unintended byproduct of these fights. Katsuki even drops the infamous “lowering myself to work with Deku” line just before the big climax. And even with the transfer of OFA to Katsuki, it strikes less as overcoming a longstanding obstacle and more as plot convenience, especially since by the end of the fight OFA nopes back into Izuku so hard that Katsuki gets mind wiped about the whole thing.

Even during the Endeavor Arc, we don’t see much growth beyond the Ending fight, where Katsuki prioritizes saving Natsuo over throwing hands like he usually would, learning to take saving as more than a tool. This is significant considering it’s Katsuki, but unfortunately, there’s not much else thereafter. The entire arc won’t get referenced as an overall stepping stone until Ch. 284.

And thus, we head to the final phase.

IV) The “Why Don’t You Care About Yourself” Phase

Time Frame: ~Ch. 257-Ch. 284 [Early Paranormal Liberation War Arc-Paranormal Liberation War Arc (Present)]

So here’s an interesting tidbit: Katsuki can’t handle nonphysical confrontation.

Leave him with the fact that his kidnapping could have gotten most of the class expelled because they decided to go rescue him or avoided such while knowing of the operation? He’ll pay back Eijiro for the expensive night vision goggles and make Denki suffer Quirk overuse so he doesn’t need to be reminded.

Get stuck in the middle of a Todoroki Family Drama scene? He’ll try bragging about how he did better than the current #1 Hero to attempt curbing off the situation.

Put him in a discussion with Izuku where they address his additional Quirk manifestations and the full weight of his potential/legacy? Katsuki will brag about having a skill already in his toolkit to ignore the fact that he has the potential to fall behind.

This defines the earlier days of this phase. We don’t see what happens in the timeframe between that and the start of the War Arc until the Chapter 284 flashback. I believe that during the gap between 257 and this flashback, Katsuki allowed himself to process the full weight of what he and Izuku were told during that meeting.

And this marks one of his biggest revelations to date.

Izuku’s selflessness is no longer something annoying. It’s a potential fatal flaw.

For the first time, it’s hitting Katsuki that Izuku is no longer an obstacle, or just an obstacle. Izuku is a person who is working himself to the bone and past that, who would die at the drop of the hat if he thought the payoff was well worth it. He’s finally starting to see that what Izuku is doing to himself is dangerous, and he wants to know what he can do to prevent the serious ramifications.

This is a big phase in his development, no doubt, but um… it’s not the last phase.

If I’m being honest, we’re nowhere close. Why? Well, two reasons:

A) Katsuki still has yet to properly take a loss.

Any and all of Katsuki’s losses are either in his head or narratively negated. And his disproportionate win/loss ratio doesn’t do him any favors either. He’s culminated a philosophy that he can’t and shouldn’t lose, but losing is a crucial aspect of improvement and being human in general. In the case of the story, Chapter 275 suggests that Katsuki wants to face off against Tomura as payback for Kamino. He essentially wants to extend the narrative and treat that loss like a delayed win, as if the loss hadn’t happened yet. Many people claim that this is a bluff he used to cover his true intentions of keeping an eye on Izuku, but I don’t think that’s the case. While sticking by Izuku is a contributing factor, getting a win is equally so, because Katsuki hasn’t properly adjusted to a loss. His strategy for dealing with any kind of loss is just to bulldoze through it like nothing happened, instead of taking the time to understand why he lost and to apply that knowledge for future encounters.

Be aware of your surroundings during the Sludge Villain.

Focus on your priorities and communicate with others during the Battle Trial.

Don’t ignore the situation just to focus on your own intentions during the Training Camp attack.

HELP PEOPLE during the Provisional License Exam.

There are so many lessons Katsuki could have learned sooner if he had taken the time to properly digest his losses. But he didn’t. He still doesn’t. He might have learned some of them eventually, but the fact remains that he nearly ran head first into a suicide mission just because he couldn’t take the loss and was dead set on getting even.

And keep in mind, Katsuki was lamenting on struggling to keep up with Izuku earlier before their encounter with Tomura, and how he couldn’t afford to stay a loser, so this is likely less far-fetched than you think.

Okay, so then what’s the second reason Katsuki’s development is far from over?

B) He hasn’t fully connected the dots on what he did to Izuku.

So far, Katsuki has recognized that he was off-put by Izuku’s selflessness, and that he bullied him over that.

What he hasn’t recognized is how much of a role he played personally in that part of Izuku’s personality, or at least it’s present day incarnation.

Let me clarify a bit. Katsuki is aware that he was distrubed by Izuku’s selflessness. He is aware that bullied him and that, at some degree, was wrong. But I don’t think he’s quite connected the dots on how his intervention has led to Izuku’s current brand of martyrdom.

At the start of the series, Izuku just cares about others. After making sure he gets down to the river safely, he’s willing to lend a hand to Katsuki, who fell from a pretty concerning height ig we’re being honest.

But this unnerves Katsuki. And it leads to his physical altercations with Izuku from time to time.

Remember, Izuku followed Katsuki at the time, but somewhere down the line he stopped. But he never stopped being Izuku, so Katsuki continued to pursue him. Izuku had already been willing to give up in some degree on ever keeping up with Katsuki the way he used to. He knew, at some level, that he wasn’t accepted.

That he wasn’t worth as much as everyone else.

Katsuki bullied Izuku because he was selfless. But Katsuki’s bullying, coupled with the rest of society’s ostracization, twisted and warped that selflessness with low self-esteem, low self-worth, and self-destructive tendencies. Katsuki wasn’t the sole bully of Izuku, but he was a primary perpetrator. And his actions only made the very thing he despised so, so much worse.

...and until he can recognize THAT aspect of his relationship with Izuku, his journey is far from over.

So yeah, Katsuki’s making progress, but we’re still not out of the woods yet.

V) Final Address+Conclusion

So now for the obvious question: why did I write all of this?

I said it at the beginning, about how some people claimed that Katsuki cared all along. I brought up a bit about how it pissed me off. Why, exactly?

Because when people insist that Katsuki threatening Izuku to not go to UA comes from a place of concern, they disregard Chapter 1 Katsuki’s gigantic ego and utter disregard for others, much less so for Izuku.

Because when people insist that Katsuki’s shocked face at the end of the Battle Trial was because he was upset with how he hurt Izuku, they disregard the fact that Katsuki was willing to almost murder Izuku, and if not that then brutalize him, and that at this point Katsuki absolutely loathes getting shown up, which is what Izuku inadvertently did.

Because when people insist that Katsuki always cared from the very beginning, they (un)intentionally undermine one of the few things that draw people to Katsuki’s character: his character development.

On his own, Katsuki is an prodigious, antisocial and angry teen looking for fame and fortune in the industry who grows into a dedicated source of confidence and understanding as he finally allows himself to branch beyond his initial handicaps. If you insist that Katsuki always had the awareness and concern he displayed in 284’s flashback, what do you get instead?

A selfish, self-centered, fickle, emotionally-constipated asshole whose growth is more comparable to a ramp instead of a mountain.

...not as impressive, is it?

While I’m pretty sure this is just a minor trend, that doesn’t excuse the lack of care it demonstrates. If you aren’t willing to admit and live with the fact that Day 1 Katsuki is the worst of the worst and that he did progressively get better through trials and tribulation, why bother? When you insist a character like Katsuki was fine from the start, you take away part of what makes that character so endearing. If they were never an ass to begin with, then what the hell was their problem at the start, or even now? Why the hell would we condone that? It’s important to recognize character flaws and to give them their due, because seeing a character grown out of them is far more self-fulfilling and relatable than insisting that they were always in the right place from the start.

...but then again, that’s just me. Thanks for reading.

-Crimson Lion (20 September 2020)

[casualotptrash]

Fixes to the Persona Series

Oh boy I hope you all are ready to talk about this for the hundredth time!

My recent tirade about the FES vs Portable discussion started to make me think about what I think could be done in the next coming installments of the series to make it either feel a bit more fresh or just as an overall improvement. Now, I know many of the things I’m about to say have been said time and time again, but...this is my post so I’m going to give my opinion on this :)

Enjoy and feel free to vent with me about your biggest gripes with the series, because I’m always ready for a salt-fest.

(This post will pretty much have any spoilers about Persona 3, 4, and 5 (including Royal) so beware if you haven’t finished those)

To clarify right off the bat, anything I don’t mention in here as something I would fix I either don’t think it is a problem or I just happened to forget it.

1. Player Gender Options

(Royal Spoilers)

Starting off with a great one, I think that an improvement to the series would be to allow an option between a male and a female MC. I don’t think this choice would affect the story in Persona 3 or 4 very much (and we’ve seen that with Persona 3), but I have imagined and seen so many fanfics about how it would actually be a really interesting twist for Persona 5. For most of the story it probably wouldn’t matter too much, but it could impact the first palace so much. The first palace/story arc is already one of the best arcs in the game, so imagine if the player could relate to Ann and Shiho on an even deeper level? To be clear, I’m not saying the player has to be sexually assaulted or something, but I imagine Kamoshida would at least treat the player more like Ann rather than just a delinquent nuisance.

Also, and this just came to mind, but picture this: in the third semester Maruki actualizes things that he thinks will make others happy. Obviously, Joker and Akechi are against this. In the game itself there are a lot of clues to point that Joker does care about Akechi, and does want to see him again, but in the end they both agree that they need to fight for the real world that they worked for, not for a fake reality. If Joker was a female, they could still go the route of doing this (especially if romancing Akechi was an option? Or they just hint at them having feelings but Akechi doesn’t want to commit because he’s a self-loathing boi who needs to work on himself first).

Alternatively...what about a badass narrative of a girl, in a powerful position as the leader of the Phantom Thieves, fighting against a man who believes he knows what’s best for her and tries to appease her by just bringing back Akechi? Kinda like a “Yeah fuck what you did, you just need Akechi/a man and he’ll make you happy” type of thing. Obviously this would all be subtle, because I do think Maruki has good intentions, but he also blames himself for all of the hard things Rumi has gone through and may internalize that as women needing a “strong man” to protect them. Of course this might seem too preachy for people, but I thought it was an interesting idea to run with and that some people could relate to the whole “Woman trying to think and do things for themselves? Nah just sit in your little fake world and be happy, thanks.”

(Sidenote, Sae would be such a good role model...after her change of heart of course. You crush it girl.)

However, I do understand that this could be a lot of extra work, especially when the game is so long and tedious. That’s why I would also be fine with the strategy of “switching off” per say. By that I mean if Persona 5 has a male MC, then Persona 6 would have a female MC, and if a 7th game was made (in 2040 or whatever) then it could go back to a male. This would eliminate the issue of having to record all the voice lines twice or any other extra work that would come with having to make both genders an option. Honestly I know this option doesn’t matter too much to people, they just want an MC who is either a self-insert or actually a character (more on that later), but I do think it would be a very nice inclusion especially for the female fans of the game. It kind of sucks that three of the most popular games in the series all have male protags, and the female protag who was introduced often gets shafted for very dumb reasons. (Oh no, you have the option to romance a kid that most people don’t even choose or like, that means she’s a p*do! :I I know this comment is normally a joke but seriously it’s not funny).

2. Setting of the game (not transfer but also maybe involve the other games?)

(Spoilers for the Arena games and Persona 5/Royal)

So there are two main points to this suggestion: where the game takes place and how it relates to the other games.

As we all know, the three latest entries in the mainline Persona series have all followed a certain trend. They are all high schoolers, who transfer to a town, and know basically no one there. This formula has been repeated for the last three games, and while they are still great games, I think this trend needs to change. Any amount of switching this up would be better than nothing in my opinion. For example, the MC could be a new college student who goes to a new place for college (if they wanted the MC to move somewhere), and there meets the party members who are a mix of people who also don’t know the area (new to the college) and those who do know the area/some people there. This would appease people who have been really wanting an MC to not be a high schooler, while also giving the feel of meeting new people and seeing a new place.

On the other hand, the next game could take place in the MC’s home town, where plot stuff happens and they connect more to the people they already knew (aka party members) to solve the plot stuff. They could be in high school or college, either I think would work, but it would appease people who don’t just want to be a transfer student each time and also have some connection to the characters prior to the game. However, this would be difficult to do given the current “flow” that the games have, that is that the MC doesn’t know anything and has to ask a million questions. It would be very strange to go up to someone you have known most of your life and ask them a basic question, which is why that style of storytelling(?) would not fit well with this and other methods would need to be used.

Now, for the second point, I understand that they don’t make strong connections to the other games because they want each game to be able to be played as a stand-alone, and not to hold people back by forcing them to play the other games to understand this. Makes sense, but usually what happens is that people play one game in the series and then try another game, if they really like the one they started with. After playing through the ones they want to, and if they like them, then there is an appreciation for the series as a whole. Of course Atlus sneaks in little references here and there, like having the P4 gang go to Iwatodai or some TV news announcements on P5 that allude to Adachi and other characters, but those cant always cut it. One of the biggest letdowns I would come to know is the fact that the Shadow Operatives are not mentioned at all, outside of those small references, in P5.

Persona 5 literally has the PT’s broadcasting all of their heists, and includes major government officials like Shido. There are also the mental shutdowns/psychotic breakdowns, which also have people confused, along with how the PT’s steal hearts in the first place. I don’t know about you all, but this seems like the perfect opportunity to get the Shadow Operatives involved. This is like...literally what they were made for? Investigating persona/shadow activity and such, and we already know that the PT’s deeds reached at least Hawaii so it would be strange for the SO’s to have not heard anything. There are headcanons that they were blocked by Shido or something, which is pretty interesting to think about/develop, but it was only thought up to make an excuse for why they aren’t there. Persona 5 introduced a lot of people to the story, so yeah some people would probably be very confused about who the SO’s are and stuff, but it could payoff in the long run for long-time fans and those who play the other games after.

Depending on the story of P6, I don’t think it would be a bad idea to start including casts from the other games into newer ones...especially when each game introduces 8-9 new characters per game, and those games usually get made into spin-offs that include the characters made in the previous games! Counting only the characters introduced in the previous games (3-5), Persona Q2 has 33 characters (11 P3, 10 P5, 10 P4, and 2 P3P, this includes the velvet room assistants for each respective game). That’s a ton! Sure, having new characters each time is part of the fun, but I believe there is definitely a way to split them up. I don’t think it would be too much of an issue to have a smaller party member group (you can only have 4 fight at a time anyway), that way there is still the enjoyment of seeing new characters, while also filling up some of those spots with preexisting ones.

3. Characterization

This kind of piggybacks off of the second point, but personally I think they need to stop with the self-insert protags. First, like I mentioned earlier, it kind of messes up the “flow” of the game since they have to pretend that the character doesn’t know anything because the player doesn’t know anything (yet). For example, how many times did the option to say “Probation?” or “Expelled?” or something like that come up as a dialogue choice in P5? Too often, in my opinion. I assume anyone over the age of 15 would probably know what those things mean, but in case anyone doesn’t they have to make it an option to say.

Adding onto this, it also seems like people start to like the characters a whole lot more when spinoffs or movies/animations come out that really expand on the character, because in those games/mediums the player is taken out of the self-insert role. I would say out of the three games, the Persona 3 protags have the most characterization in game through their dialogue. I haven’t watched the movies, but I heard it fleshes the MC out a lot more. In Persona 4...well, I see what they’re going for but I also feel like Yu has the personality of a cardboard box. The animations definitely helped out this one, as did Arena, and I’ve seen other people agree that they liked Yu a lot more after playing/watching those things.

As for Persona 5, I think they tried to give Joker some characterization (and oddly enough “Joker” has a lot more to him than Akira/Ren, but he still fell more on the side of self-insert. P5 the animation is...of questionable quality, but I think Xander did a good job in the Dub (which is the one I watched) in trying to make him feel more like a human being. I haven’t played Strikers, but I assume it goes more on the route of P5 because you’re still controlling Joker. Oddly enough, I feel like the dancing game gave him the most characterization? Call me crazy, but his dance moves and voice lines just ooze of his suave, friendly, and supportive attitude. I wish that they took whatever those voice lines embodied and just put them into the game, because I would like Joker a lot more than I already do (which, to be clear, I do still like him a lot).

Although this doesn’t have much to do with the characterization, it would also be nice if Atlus could just put the “canon name” in the game while also still having the option to choose your own name. Again, this might add a little more work but maybe if someone chose the “canon” option then their name could be spoken in voice lines, but if they don’t then the names would be left out (except for text) like usual. Honestly this is mostly up to personal preference because I like some of the “not canon” names more so I would want to use those if I could, but I also don’t like having the characters just randomly cut off in the end of sentences when they’re saying your name. Just kind of breaks immersion, which is probably why I really like Joker because at least they say “Joker” quite a bit.

(Little rant, but why do the PT’s get like two group names? At first Morgana defaults to “The Phantom Thieves of Hearts” but then when you get to choose the name of your team, that name is what shows up instead. However, everyone still calls you the “Phantom Thieves” and the gang refers to themselves as that too! I get naming the group is kind of cool, but I would have preferred if they were just called The Phantom Thieves (of Hearts) and that way their name could be spoken in dialogue too.)

4. Choices matter...please? (romance and regular dialogue)

This might be easy or difficult to implement, I’m not so sure because I’m not a game developer, but I really wish choices mattered more in this game. I feel like most of these suggestions (especially later on down the list) are just little things that could be added to the game that would really amp it up, and this is one of them.

When I talk about choices mattering, I do not mean that dialogue should be so open that there are branching paths and that your choices affect the story. What I mean is that you could choose two different options and not get the same exact answer. I get that this isn’t always the case, but when it is it feels very strange. In this same vein of things, please stop with the illusion of choice because everyone sees right through it. I didn’t really see this as much in P3, and I still need to finish P4, but it was definitely apparent with P5. I felt that so many times in the game there were two options that were just “Option A” or “Synonym for Option A” as the choices.

Along the same lines, I think it would be great if romance choices were actually acknowledged. Again, there is a little of this in P3 and P4 where some party members comment on your relation to the other party members (Ex. Junpei saying to take care of Fuuka if you date, Yukari stating that Akihiko probably wouldn’t want FeMC going on a group date if they’re dating, and Yosuke coming to assumptions about who Yu spends the summer festival with), but they are very few and far between. I also saw no evidence of this at all in P5, which was pretty disappointing. In fact, in Persona 5 Royal if you are dating Ann and go on the Christmas Date with her, she makes some comment about not wanting the others to find out about them. Like...girl, considering someone can finish Ann’s social link as early as June or so on NG+ I’m pretty sure your friend group would notice if you’ve been dating for 6 months?? I know that romance is definitely not the focus of the game, but if you’re going to include it why is it shoved into the farthest corner and never touched?

Don’t get me wrong, it is cute to see the romances in the game play out and such, but on the same hand I can see how much better it could be. In reality it kind of sucks to romance someone in the Persona games because no one acknowledges it, and you only get like 3-4 small scenes in each game to spend with them (beach in P5, festival in all, Christmas in all, valentines except for 3, White Day in P5R). Just imagine if you could take a walk in Kyoto with whoever you romanced, or were able to take your partner to the Jazz Jin in P5R and they would get like special date dialogue or something? Very very small additions, but it would go a long way in making the romances feel a bit more connected.

5. LGBT Romances

I went into this in some detail in Part 3 of my FES vs Portable debate post, so I to save your eyes from reading more I’ll just quickly say that Atlus definitely needs to add in more LGBT romance options because it’s ridiculous at this point. The fact that you can’t romance any guy (because all of the MC’s are male, this is not including the FeMC stuff because that’s not typical in the Persona series) but can have a whole harem (despite what they may do to you) is just ridiculous. They’d rather let you date a fully-fledged adult than someone of the same gender.

Also they’re cowards for scrapping the Yosuke romance and that’s that :)

6. Fixing Social Links

Link to the stand-alone post about this section.

I literally was going to include this in this post, but this section alone (which I knew was going to be the biggest) was almost as large (a few hundred words off) than everything prior to this point put together. I’ll make a separate post with just this section soon, but this criticism of mine can basically be boiled down into the fact that the main growth of a character should happen outside of their social link in order to avoid tonal whiplash in the story, and that this will fix the problem of some characters feeling “one-note” if you do not do their social links/confidants. Essentially, go back to the P3 method.

However, something that needs to be fixed for all of the games is that you shouldn’t only get social link points for saying what the person wants to hear. I get the train of thought that if you say what they want to hear they will like you more, but that’s not how real friendships work? Obviously you shouldn’t be saying something that offends them and think it will raise your points, but sometimes people just need to hear things?

I can think of three standout examples: Nozomi in P3 (Gourmet King), Mishima in P5, and Shinya in P5. Nozomi’s link is a hot mess in of itself, but it was very frustrating to at one point just be like “Hey can you chill?” when he’s trying to induct you into a scam/cult or whatever, and it reverses the social link. Like ok buddy fuck you too, I was just trying to say no and that you need to stop scamming people?? For Mishima in P5 (I’ll go more in depth on him in a later post), it’s just kind of strange that you can clearly see him starting to obsess about the PT’s but you can’t really tell him he needs to stop until the social link demands it. Even then, the only way to get points is pretty much to go “Wow Mishima, you’re the best! You’re the reason we exist! We love you!!!” and it just feels kind of wrong. Shinya’s is very much along the same line as that, except you basically have to do something even worse and encourage him to keep being a bully? Thankfully P5 doesn’t reverse confidants, but I probably would have done so with Shinya because I kept telling him he shouldn’t bully others until I realized how to get points with him. It just feels wrong to encourage such behavior until the character suddenly realizes they’ve been acting wrong. No shit, I’ve been trying to say that.

I think social links need quite the fix to them, but this is definitely one of them. Strong, real relationships are not just built upon telling the other person what they want to hear.

7. Have Characters Hang Out

This is mostly a suggestion based off of P5′s downfall in this aspect. I think that P3 and P4 did a good job at showing the characters hang out in other aspects, or hang out separately outside of the MC. P4 had a lot of good group hangouts, but not many scenes without the MC. P3 had the opposite where members kind of hung out together a bit, but also showed or mentioned them hanging out without the MC. However, P5 didn’t have much for the group hangouts and also I can’t really recall a single scene of the party members hanging out outside of the MC.

Along with all of the problems I mentioned earlier with the cardboard cut-out personalities, I feel that this contributed to P5′s group feeling a bit less cohesive. Obviously when they all hung out they acted like a real group of friends, but it’s hard to see it as legitimate when 95% of their hangouts are just meetings for the Phantom Thief stuff. The only times they hang out outside of the PT stuff is the TV station, the fireworks festival, helping Futaba + the beach trip, and the culture festival. Like I said, I can’t recall them hanging out together outside of being with the MC/PT business, although I could have missed some stray text message if one was mentioned.

In this aspect, P5 feels like a small step down from P3 and a huge step down from P4. I think some of the events in P4 are a bit unnecessarily long, but at least they go through the effort of showing that the group is also a real friend group, not just people trying to solve the murder. Strikers may be a step up from P5, but I haven’t played it yet so I can’t judge that.

Also bring back school trips to prior locations of Persona games. Imagine P5 group going to Inaba and it turns out this is the small country town that Joker came from? And they sprinkle in references to P4? *chefs kiss*.

8. Remove/Change Certain Tropes

(Spoilers for the babe hunts, stupid ass hot springs scenes, and Ryuji abuse after certain palace)

By that spoiler tag, you can probably tell that this is the category I’m most passionate about. I can deal with social links feeling a bit disconnected. I can deal with the MC being a self-insert. What I cant deal with anymore? These. Dumb. Ass. Scenes.

Let me explain (insert Sojiro voice here)

Every game has three main tropes. One, the babe hunt scenes. Two, the hot springs scenes. Three, one character being dunked on by everyone else. I’ll go through each, scream about my feelings about them, and why they need to change.

First, the babe hunt scenes. I don’t have much of a problem with this trope to be honest, I just think it could be done better in some games. I actually think the one in P3 was quite funny, because the group treated it like an “operation” which added a bit to humor. Truth be told, I was just a bit disappointed in P3P FeMC route when you didn’t have your own version of the “babe hunt” thing. I know Yukari and Mitsuru aren’t the types to go hunt for boys, but perhaps the MC could have suggested it as a fun idea. In P4, this scene happens in Okina and largely remains the same as the P3 formula, but I think it lacks just a bit of the humor that the P3 one had. Lastly, in P5 this scene happens during the beach trip but compared to the others it’s pretty...lackluster?

It shows a montage of Joker, Ryuji, and Yusuke talking to girls but no actual dialogue goes on. After talking to three or so, Yusuke disappears and this is when Joker and Ryuji meet the two “flamboyant” men again. This time, the men either chase them down or call after them (?) depending on if you’re playing Vanilla or Royal. I don’t like how they use these men in the first place, but on top of that it kind of takes the “babe hunt” out of “babe hunt” if you don’t actually...hunt for babes? Like no actual dialogue is spoken when trying to convince the girls, which was most of the fun in the other scenes. You don’t even have free reign to walk around at the beach, and the scene is formatted in a more cutscene type of way.  It just makes P5′s babe hunt fall flat in many ways, and overall I finished the scene with a strong “meh.” The only good things about this was watching Makoto and Ann defend themselves and Yusuke with the lobsters.

Now for the hot springs scenes....hoo boy.

Simply put, in my opinion, these scenes suck ass in almost all of the games. P3 is the least egregious in my opinion, for a couple reasons. First is that it shows that Junpei and Ryoji were kind of trying to peep on the girls, and Akihiko and MC were just dragged into it. They have some funny dialogue, and in FES and Portable they even included the option to try and evade the girls. I found the little evade minigame to be really fun, even though every time I can’t help but fail because I want to say “It was a cat!” I find it interesting that there is the option for the men to get off scott-free, and that their dialogue after the trip is over changes slightly because of this.

On the FeMC side, I also find it fun that you have the reverse of the minigame and actually seek out the boys. My only letdown with this entire scene is if the boys are caught. I get it, it’s supposed to be funny with Mitsuru executing them and such, but as a reasonable person with a brain it seems really dumb to me that Mitsuru would just punish all of them when it’s just Ryoji and Junpei’s fault? This is nothing against Mitsuru, but her actions just seem so...exaggerated for some reason? Like Mitsuru is usually smart, and even if she is embarrassed I don’t get why she would punish innocent party members. A huge disappointment for me was that the FeMC isn’t able to stop Mitsuru from doing this either. Not even a choice to try and encourage Mitsuru or discourage her (so both options would be available). You just kinda sit there and watch, even after Akihiko say “It was a misunderstanding!” or something. For me it was especially strange because MC was dating Akihiko at that point, so why wouldn’t I try to hear him out? Just struck me as kind of dumb.

If I thought that was dumb, P4 and P5 were out to really make me roll my eyes and sigh in disappointment. Unlike P3, which has most of the scene being pretty good besides the very end where Mitsuru punishes the boys, the P4 and P5 scenes are all bad. This is not the first time anyone has said it, and won’t be the last, but they aren’t funny scenes in the slightest.

In P4, it’s actually the girl’s fault that they’re in the hot springs when the boys walk in. They stayed over their allotted time and into the time when boys are supposed to be in there. So what do they do? Get flustered, yell at them, and throw buckets at the group. Oh, and they don’t listen to the boy’s protests at all. Really.

Who thought this was a good idea?? The girls even realize after that they were in the wrong, say they should apologize, but I don’t think they ever show a scene of them apologizing after. This whole scene, like the hot springs ones in general, are just exaggerated (ie. throwing masses of buckets) to be funny, but they really fail in my opinion. It just serves to make the player kinda angry (since they’re usually on the receiving end) and make the girls look wildly unrealistic and dumb. I have never really thought that needless physical abuse is funny, so these scenes are just the bane of my existence apparently.

There actually isn’t a hot springs scene in P5, but they did add one in Strikers.

If they wanted to still do these scenes, maybe they could switch from making it “just beat up the boys” into something else. For example, the girls could try to peep, or walk in on the boys. Equality y’all, sometimes girls can do those things too (but still don’t beat them up. Just don’t beat anyone up). If none of that happens, or maybe that’s how the scene ends, the rest of the scene could just be a chill, relaxing scene between those involved. Essentially, how the scenes go before the whole “lets beat up the boys” thing comes in.

Lastly, on basically the same vein as why I don’t like the hot springs scenes, I’m starting to get real sick of the “let’s shit on this one character” trope. In Persona 3, I don’t think it’s that bad because they kind of do it with Junpei but they also give him a lot of character development, and eventually the sort of hostile shitting on him turns into just gentle teasing.

For P4 I still don’t think it is too bad, because Yosuke is kind of the one being shit on but he also does the same to the other people in the group? I suppose the only thing that really sticks out to me is how Teddie abuses Yosuke’s wallet (making him buy/pay for a lot of stuff with his hard earned cash), but I also don’t like Teddie at all in the first place so I may be biased about him. Oh well, he still shouldn’t do those things and I don’t really find it funny but to each their own.

However...this problem walks and rocks the fucking runway in Persona 5. Namely, this happens with Ryuji. The most obvious aggressor in this is Morgana, because him and Ryuji butt heads so often, but the other thieves kind of do it as well. Obviously they don’t do this all the time, but it’s extremely frustrating when they do. Morgana getting into arguments with Ryuji at the drop of a hat get old very quick, and the other thieves poking a bit of fun about how dumb Ryuji can be is also not that riveting. Despite all of that, the scene that highlights all of this is the scene after Shido’s palace collapse.

You all knew this was coming, but I couldn’t resist talking about it. The scene is so tone deaf in so many ways that it takes away all of the emotional impact that they were trying to build. Even the first time I watched this scene, in which I didn’t think they would kill off Ryuji, I could still sympathize with the group being concerned about him. Then when he shows up they...just beat him up and leave him unconscious next to a pole while they walk away? Wow.

On all subsequent playthroughs I just skip this scene, but I truly cannot understand why that was the angle they went for. Were they trying to insert some humor right after an emotional scene? That can be done in certain cases, but....why??? It’s so unbelievable it’s almost laughable. It’s not even like the bath scene where the the girls think the guys are trying to peep on them. It’s simply because he survived which I assume is what they wanted!

“Oh no you made us thought you were dead (even though he didn’t because he couldn’t control any of this), we’re going to beat you up!” Now you just make the characters look like irrational idiots.

Seriously Atlus, stop doing this. In most cases it just serves to make the player kind of frustrated, and in this case it it literally takes all of the emotional weight out of the scene and makes me think worse of the entire female cast. Please. Stop.

Well that’s the end of that. I don’t think I said anything too revolutionary, although my opinions about the social links and characterization might get me some flak. I just want the characters to be more than one personality trait... This was a really long post again, so kudos to whoever made it to this point!

Next time, on Dragon Ball Z Casual’s pointless posts: something Persona related :)

[whitegirlrevert]

Are reverts adequately supported by other muslims?

Recently, a sister reached out to me and asked whether reverts receive adequate support from other muslims. No. No, we don’t. I am a member of a muslim women’s convert group on Facebook and we often have discussions about how reverts are treated in the ummah.

Here are a few of the characterizations:

The unicorn

I’m going to speak about my personal experience as a white revert. There aren’t many countries with significant white Muslim populations (although they do exist) which adds to the rarity factor.

We are seen as the ultra-pious ones. Bonus points if you have blue eyes. It becomes a fetishization in Muslim communities to be white and Muslim. After every Eid prayer I get a couple marriage proposals from men who know nothing about me other than how I look. The fetishization of white male reverts is also prominent (see ft note) but, in contrast to their female counterparts, this can actually make it harder for them to find a spouse.

Tourage, Mahdi, Performing belief and reviving Islam: Prominent (white male) converts in Muslim revival conventions, 2012, vol 1:2 at 207-226 Intellect Ltd.

One to take advantage of

There are countless stories of religious leaders taking advantage of reverts, particularly female ones. This is both grotesque and unacceptable. What’s even more disgusting is that we as a community prefer to unconditionally support these “religious leaders” rather than believe the victims. This is aggravated by the low support that reverts receive from other Muslims. Imagine finally working up the courage to out a religious leader only to be shut down because the alleged perpetrator is part of the establishment. The amount of support for these men – using Islamic themes to give them the benefit of the doubt – is truly discouraging. Islam teaches us to stand with the oppressed not the oppressor.

What does being a woman or being a white woman have to do with her experience of sexual assault being invalidated. Does this mirror existing cultural stereotypes of white woman = slut? How can we pretend that this doesn’t have a negative impact on our later treatment in these conservative circles? This is not to say that women of color don’t experience sexual assault, they certainly do.

Religious leaders hold all the religious knowledge and these sisters feel compelled to stick close to them to gain this knowledge. We need to provide safe spaces for reverts as well as sources for sisters to seek knowledge themselves.

We don’t know anything about Islam

I’ll keep this short. There is a huge difference between communicating information and haram policing. The line between them, however, is not clear.

This becomes especially problematic when you follow a particular madhaab or were taught Islamic practice through culture. Why? Because there may be perfectly legitimate alternative views and interpretations on the issue.

This makes it both confusing for new Muslims and alienates those who disagree with your practice but are made to feel that if they don’t follow your tradition, that they aren’t being a good muslim.

Instead, consider informing them about your view by clarifying that it is from your perception.

No reply to our salaams

A common theme running in discussions with other reverts is that whenever we say our salaams to Muslims we don’t get a reply. It’s like saying hello in a respectful, acknowledging way. Do we not deserve that from you?

Normally, when I bring this up people tell me not to worry and remind me that it is a Muslim’s duty to reply and some version of getting the passerby’s potential blessing in addition to mine. I don’t care. This doesn’t make us feel better.

Some people have hypothesized that these Muslims who don’t reply are simply in shock at hearing a white person say salaam (particularly if, like me, they don’t wear hijab). Others say that they weren’t sure if they misheard me. Regardless of the reasoning, I think the fact that most reverts don’t get a reply is troubling. EVEN if we weren’t Muslim why wouldn’t you reply…? If a non-Muslim is saying salaam to you then they are obviously trying hard to communicate their respect to you. Why would you respond by ignoring this?

One sister from the revert group mentioned that men make excuses about not saying salaam back because they are trying to avoid zina…Ugh. First of all, not supported by hadith. Second, surely you can keep it in your pants for long enough to say the equivalent of hello back. Or are muslim men inherently more fragile than other men? I think not. You can also say salaam back while lowering your gaze. It’s really not that difficult.

Non-Muslims treat us better than other Muslims 

I plan to have a full post on this at some point in the future. This is a bit difficult to explain as I have only recently recognized this irony. Basically, the way I figured this out is that prior to telling a non-muslim about my religious orientation I would preface it by saying, “this is going to be really weird but…” The thing is, they never looked shocked or surprised when I told them. Contrast this to my experience with muslims, and it usually takes them a few minutes and multiple questions to confirm that yes, I am in fact muslim. And you could say it’s the lack  of scarf thing, but honestly if non-muslims can accept that there are muslims who don’t wear hijab than so can you.

It’s really ironic considering that prior to conversion every muslim is all like welcoming and whatnot and then when you convert you almost feel like you need to prove that you are muslim.

I am going to give an example of something that happened to me while I was shopping in a muslim area of Singapore.

I stopped at a shop and asked about this smaller prayer rugs. I told the shop keeper that I am looking for a smaller rug to put my forehead and face on during salah when I am at the masjid for a long time. Literally no idea.

Next store over, I asked this shop keeper about a prayer rug. He, in his sales pitch endeavors said “you can give it to your friend, you can use it yourself”. So I’m thinking, great, this is off to a good start. I continue asking about this rug and am repeatedly using the word salah. He then says, “do you know any muslims?” I replied, “yes, myself”. Then (note the pattern) he says, “you are muslim?!” with a shocked expression.

 To summarize, here are some things Muslims could be doing better to support us. 

Say your salaams back to us.

Believe us when we tell you that a community religious leader has assaulted us.

Stop forcing your particular madhab down our throat.

Don’t assume we know less than you about Islam.

Don’t assume that we are going to whip on a hijab, now or at any point. Focus instead on teaching us how to pray and what to do at a mosque.

Do not tell us that you are making duah for our family to become muslim. I’m not sure how people think this is a great thing, but I personally find it incredibly offensive.

Don’t be mad if we can’t attend Islamic events. Sometimes we are busy, and sometimes we are just dealing with a bit of trauama from negative experiences from the muslim community. We appreciate the invite regardless.

Positive things Muslims do. 

Invite us for iftar, Eid, other Islamic events.

Encourage us by being supportive regardless of whether we share the same views as you islamicly.

Empathize with our challenges.

Motivate us by sending us duahs or ayat.

Make duah for us and our families to have ease.

Instead of saying “In Islam X is forbidden”, try: “most people agree that in Islam X is forbidden”. An excellent example of how this may play out is where a Muslim has an assumption that all reverts will follow the Sunni school and that only the Sunni school is legitimate. This isn’t a Sunni/Shi’a debate, but the very fact that there are conflicting opinions indicates that diversity of opinions exists.

[zorasdomain]

apology regarding 2018

This post is in regards to a callout from 2018, in case you have not read it.

This is going to be lengthy, as I have a lot to apologize for and reflect on after so long, so it will be under a cut. I thank you all for your patience and your time in reading it.

Hello, it’s been awhile; I post this not to beg forgiveness, but to apologize in a more proper way. Both for my sake, and for the sake of the hearts I undoubtedly wounded during the event.

I want to sincerely apologize for how I handled things in the past. In 2018, I was going through an early transition into new beliefs, and I lost myself to my interest in politics and my arrogant stance that “I knew better”. A lot of my beliefs have changed. I’ve gone through extremes since leaving Tumblr on every side, trying to feel my way through the spectrum. Ultimately, I have decided people are always more important than politics. Always. And as much as I spoke about caring in that big, obnoxiously long and drawn-out piece as a page on my blog, it essentially boiled down to “why can’t we agree to disagree?”, and about being unwilling to change my mind for the sake of others. For the sake of a community of friends I had built over years, who had supported me through everything, and who I KNEW wouldn’t agree with my beliefs (for understandable reasons). I hid them because I knew that, I think. It wasn’t clear to me at the time, as I truly thought it wasn’t important, but politics do reveal things about a person and what their values are. I will say I have never lied about the care I had for all of you. I understand it hard to see, given my past actions (which are unquestionably inexcusable), but I was blind to the internal contradiction that it was. I cared, but disconnected the people in my life from my politics because I “didn’t think it should matter”. It does, as I have come to learn. I apologize for the way I handled that, which was (understandably) as a liar and a manipulator. I hadn’t been intentionally doing it, but I acknowledge now that it was what had happened, and that certainly hurt many.

There have been hurtful things said about me, but I understand where they came from; Hell, the tweets I posted were targeting hundreds of people I had following me, and thousands in larger communities. Those tweets were heinous (and still are; my opinions are drastically different now) and I know they were not easy to stomach. I do not excuse them in any way, and I have since learned from them. I apologize to any victims who had been triggered by the tweets. They were harsh and insensitive, and certainly not true. I, in no way, excuse what was said then; your experience is valid, and any reaction you had to my tweets was as well. This also goes for the POC who I hurt with my tweets. It was disgusting of me to post such a thing and to harbor the opinion. I have since learned and come to understand the problems inherent in our system, and I apologize for the pain I caused.

I had been approached a few times about my beliefs; once prior to the callout, asking about my opinions on Kavanaugh, which I went off about on a snap to someone; if said person is reading this, I apologize for the shock of that moment and for my immature handling of it. A second time after, on instagram, regarding my political opinions. I went off in a wretched way. I debated from some place of “moral superiority” (that was certainly not true, though) and said things I know were hurtful to not only that person, but to so, so many connections from this website, and countless others. People who meant something to me. Not citations or studies, not some stupid subjective political opinion, but people.

Deeply, more than anything, I am sorry for the pain I caused this community. I feel like I tore something in everyone’s heart. Not to say I think so highly of myself as being that influential, but because I was someone who projected only positivity, and to have that image ripped apart when reading the disgusting tweets on my twitter no doubt caused harm. I suppressed that then because that’s what I tend to do, but I’ve been reflecting, maturing, and acknowledging what I did and I knew I had to properly apologize. Not type something up about ~uuu why can’t we agree to disagree~~ to post before abandoning the site, but something real. That is what I hope this can be for all of you. It does not change the hurt that it caused at the time, or the person I was then. However, I hope I may be able to demonstrate that I am not that same person with ill in my heart and ignorance of political opinions and their place in the lives of others, especially LGBT and POC.

Also, just to clear the air, I know there was confusion about if I was in the LGBT community or not, or if I was lying. I can clarify I was not, and never have, lied about that. What I identified as at a given life stage was truly a part of my person at the time and what was right for me then. In 2018 when the callout was written, I was growing more comfortable in being feminine, but I still connected heavily with masculine energies and pronouns. The same stands for today. Feel free to ask about this if you have specific questions.

All that said, my political alignment today and since November 2019, not really lies with either party. I have not been a Trump supporter for some time, and view him critically today, especially with much of his harmful rhetoric and actions. My father view(ed/s) him very positively, and part of my reasons for backing him so unquestionably in 2018 was due to his influence. I’ve fallen out of the political scene and I believe it’s especially important now, more than ever, to care for those in our lives and our community. We cannot look to the establishment or any in power. You’ve all kept that in mind from the beginning, and I applaud you for that. I lost myself to politics, and it took me nearly two years to find my way back to something that should be simple to understand.

Thank you all for helping me grow when I needed to. Thank you for the friends I had made, the community I had established, and for the memories. I will not immediately disappear after posting this; I won’t be reblogging anything of course, but I will be checking my inbox and any DMs (they should be open, but please let me know if they’re not!). Anon will be off, as I feel it would be better.

Thank you!

Also, please don’t call me by the name in the callout. That made me really uncomfortable to have my birthname there when I was merely testing it out at the time to see if I could return to it. It did not feel right & it was merely a period of re-experimentation before settling on my identity once more. Please call me Silver. Thank you.

EDIT: I am a nb boy (he/him) & have returned to being comfortable in this identity since 2019/20. I will be transitioning soon. I’d appreciate respect in that regard. Since Summer 2019, I have been seeing a therapist and working through deep rooted trauma which led to the discovery of an incredibly fractured sense of self, which partially manifested in my political views and the hypocrisy and contradiction present in the self that I was on Tumblr in 2018 (happy, accepting, “do-no-evil” vibes) VS the self I portrayed on the twitter rightraichu (judgemental, argumentative, self-absorbed). This is, by NO means, justification for how I acted. Recognizing that I have several conflicting selves within me has helped me to be more attentive to contradictions in who I am, and how manipulative I can be. I recognize and have been working through the false faces I wear when I, in truth, have rather low emotional (not cognitive) empathy. Again, not an excuse, but an explanation I hope might help you understand me. I am, by no means, a healthy or whole person. I have a lot of demons I’m working though. And that is my burden to bear. I am so sorry that I didn’t recognize things sooner and seek help so that I could prevent from ever reaching the point that I did in 2018. But, the past is in the past and all I can do now is recognize that I am figuring myself out. I wish you all the best. Things have been rough lately. I hope everyone has been coping alright. Take care.

[utaprifanzine]

Concept Pitch: Prismatic v2 + Fantasy AU Zine

(Quick reminder that secondary admin applications are also still open! So, if you’re interested in helping us out with the project outlined below, feel free to apply here!)

To start, I want to clarify that either project, regardless of it we go forward with only one or both, would not be starting until next year.

This concept pitch is being released now, rather than closer to the end of the year, because if we do go ahead with both projects, there will be a smaller round of applications in November in preparation for the main round of applications in February. This will be explained in further detail below the cut.

There is also a feedback form (link) for this pitch that we’d like to ask everyone interested to fill out. As per last time, if it gets over 70 responses then we’ll do at least one of the zines, but whether or not we do both and/or how we do them will depend on the responses.

Two main things will be decided by the responses in this form: -> Whether or not we do both projects or just one (four possible scenarios explained below the cut) -> The exact theme of the AU zine (“ ”)

 The following information will be split into three categories: “Zine Content”, “Applications”, and “Possible Schedules”

“Possible Schedules” is where you’ll find all four advancement options outlined and explained, and “Zine Content” will contain the possible themes we’re looking at for the AU zine.

That being said, this will still be a strictly non-profit project (not affiliated with a charity), and the content rules set in place for the first volume of prismatic will not be changing. 

However, we will allow submitted AUs to have more mature plots/themes as well as implied/referenced ships provided that the content produced for the zine does not contain those themes or those ships (i.e. if the plot for AU ends in a particular ship, that’s fine, as long as the final writing/art that goes into publication for the zine is generic. Your AU won’t be penalized in the application review for simply containing ships or mature themes).

 There’s a lot of information below the cut, so we’ve highlighted the most important pieces in bold!

Zine Content

In this section, we’re going to be talking about each zine in it’s own subsection, so that it doesn’t get confusing. Prismatic first, followed by the AU zine.

Prismatic V2 (Working Title)

This would be a second volume of Prismatic. It would pick up where the first volume left off and cover the next 7 gacha and 14 events leading up to (and including) the 1st anniversary of the game. The cover, prints/merch, and overall design would be based on the “My Only Prince” UR set.

All events/gacha will be represented by a double page spread, that has an A4 illustration on the left hand side and a piece of flash fiction on the right. The MOP gacha will have four double page spreads (for a total of eight pages) that would feature four A4 illustrations and four pieces of flash fiction. The estimated page count is 60.

The gacha and events to be featured are as follows:

 Gacha:                                                                           Events:

Cheerful & Happy Valentines                                         The Confused Soloist

Grateful White Day                                                         Aqua Crystal

Shining Sports Day                                                     Inspector Kurusu’s Pursuit

Fantasy Circus                                                         Professor Renarty’s Scheme

Caught in the Rain                                                        Shining Solo Series Cecil

Marine Festival                                                             Shining Solo Series Tokiya

Glittering Summer Festival Night                                         No More Say

MOP: A Class + Cecil                                                          No More Bets

MOP: S Class                                                             Shining Solo Series Masato

MOP: Reiji & Ranmaru                                                        Resolute March

MOP: Ai & Camus                                                           Renegades in Unison

                                                                                    Starflowers Bloom at Night

                                                                                            Steal Your Heart

                                                                                      Shining Solo Series Ren

 As far as contributors, we would have 25 writer slots and 45 artist slots, the latter including print, chibi, and cover artists.

  AU Zine

This zine would feature fanmade AUs involving the Utapri characters.

There would be six featured AUs (two per idol group, so Starish, QN, and Heavens would all be represented), that would have eight pages each; four for art and four for writing. There will also be a four page story to go with the cover design, but the cover (and, by extension, the cover story) will depend on the final theme for the zine.

We’re looking to make this zine fantasy-themed, and have narrowed down three distinct themes that we could use. You can vote for your favourite one in the feedback form!

Possible Themes: -> High Fantasy: Mythical Creatures and Magical Powers -> Dark Fantasy: Monsters and Mayhem -> Urban Fantasy: Steampunk and Sci-fi

 The estimated page count for the zine is 64 pages, and we would have contributor slots for 7 writers and 20 artists (incl. cover, chibi, and print). There would be three contributors working on each AU – one writer and two artists – and the creation period would also be longer.

  Applications

Once again, this section will be split into two subsections for each zine!

 Prismatic (“regular” applications)

Applications for Prismatic would be our main application period and would be open for three weeks (last week of Jan 2020 through Feb 15 2020).

The process would largely be the same as it was for the first issue, with separate forms for artists, writers, and cover design. However, in response to feedback from our first zine, there would be changes to the limitations on those forms.

Firstly, artists will be able to submit more than 5 samples, provided that all their samples are in one folder. There will also probably be a limit in the total number of samples/images, but that will be decided later.

For writers, we will be introducing a limit of 5000 words across all submitted samples per application. This means that the total word count of all the samples a writer submits for their application must not be greater than 5000 words.

Secondly, unlike last time, at least one of a writer’s samples must be a stand alone piece that does not exceed 1000 words, given that the pages you’d be applying for would be flash fiction pieces of 500 words or less.

The applications and review would still be done by page, so your application would only be reviewed/considered for the specific pages that you select on the form. However, since this time we know in advance that we’d be accepting print and chibi artists, artists will be able to select which positions they would like to be considered for.

  AU Zine

If we go ahead with the AU zine, there would be two opportunities to apply as a contributor.

The first application period would be held over the entire month of November, and would only be for interested applicants to submit their AU ideas to the zine. We would be holding this round of applications separate to “regular” applications in order to pin down which six AUs will be featured in the zine, so that we can allow interested contributors to apply for both zines at the same time in February, during the main/second round of applications.

As mentioned before, there would be three people working on each AU, but one of these three will be the creator/owner of the AU. They can be either the writer or one of the artists and would also be submitting samples of their own work alongside their AU information, since they would also be required to be a contributor, should their AU be chosen for the zine. We would not be accepting AUs without their creator.

 To submit an AU idea, applicants would need to provide the following information on their AU:

-> a character relationship chart -> rough outline of at least three plot/story arcs (among these, there must be at least 1 main plotline and 1 subplot) -> character designs for each member of the group to be the focus of the AU (can be rough sketches/concepts) -> description/explanation on the lore of the fantastical elements of the AU (dependent on the type of fantasy we settle on for the theme) -> basic worldbuilding (incl. social hierarchies, environmental information, general landscapes and territories, historical information relevant to major plot points/places/characters) -> brief backstory for each member of the group in focus

(It’s also worth noting that the submitted AUs must be noticeably different from any similar existing official utapri AUs or collaborations. i.e. you can’t submit a vampire AU with the QPot Sweets Vampire designs and you can’t submit a Pirate AU that has the same plot as Pirates of the Frontier)

(you will also be allowed to submit an AU that you’ve already posted content for online. However you will be required to produce new content for it should it be accepted into the zine)

 The idea behind having all these requirements, is to show us that you, as the creator, have fleshed out the AU enough so that a writer or an artist can easily write or draw something for it using the information that you already have. The two contributors that would be working with you to produce content for the zine are not responsible for creating/fleshing out your AU for you and should ideally be able to work from the information you already have.

You will also not be expected to uphold a high level of quality for the positions that you are not applying for. That is to say, if you submitted your AU and are applying as the writer for it, don’t worry about the quality/skill level of your artwork. Likewise, if you’re applying as an artist, don’t worry about the craftsmanship of your writing.

(We’re also looking into providing templates for people to use for the AU application, to make the process easier).

 After the six AUs have been picked, the types of AUs (i.e. Starish Vampire AU, Heavens Pirate AU, etc.) and the remaining positions for each would be announced before “regular” applications in February and interested contributors would be able to apply for those positions at the same time as Prismatic. Both would be available on the same application form.

However, unlike Prismatic, the owners of the AUs will not be announced until after the main application period is over, to prevent people from applying to contribute to a particular AU just because a specific person created it.

   Possible Schedules

 The whole idea behind running two zines at once was to not only allow more people to participate, but also to avoid running a zine where the contributor slots were too few and too limited (as is the case with the current concept for the AU zine). 

My original planned schedule was to run both at once, have pre-orders for both open at the same time, and have both release on the same day for the sake of simplicity - however, this hypothetical schedule received a rather mixed response, particularly in regards to selling both zines at the same time.

In response to this, I’ve instead planned out four possible schedules going forward: two where both zines are done, and two where only one of the zines is done. In terms of feedback, I’m asking anyone interested in either contributing or buying the finished product to read over schedules and consider which one you think is better, then let us know on the feedback form! 

Ultimately, this is purely a passion project for the fanbase, so it does matter a lot to us what you all think is best.

 Schedule #1: Both Zines Run at the Same Time This was the original concept, where both zines were run, went up for pre-order, and were released at the same time. The rough schedule was: -> November: 1st round of applications (AU ideas only) -> December: AU ideas reviewed -> late January – February: Main applications for Prismatic & AU zine are opened, closed, and reviewed -> March 1st: creation period begins -> late April: Prismatic final submissions -> early-mid May: AU final submissions -> late May: pre-orders open (both zines) -> mid-June: pre-orders close (both zines) -> mid- July: both zines release

 Schedule #2: Both zines are released separately

The idea here was in response to the concern of having both zines for sale at the same time and scheduled for release at the same time being counterproductive to the success of the project, given the utapri is still a relatively small fandom in the west. For this variant, the schedule remains the same, right up until pre-orders open: -> late May: pre-orders open (Prismatic only) -> mid-June: pre-orders closed (Prismatic only) -> mid-July: Prismatic releases -> mid- August: Prismatic contributors can post their works online -> mid-September: pre-orders open (AU only) -> mid- October: pre-orders closed (AU only) -> mid-November: AU zine released (US orders sent) -> mid-December: International AU orders sent

*Note: the delay in shipping between US and international orders would be due to Jinx being in the US from mid-August to mid-December. No-one wants to ship internationally from the US. It’s a nightmare.

 Schedule #3: only Prismatic runs

In this case, the schedule would remain the same as it is in schedule #1, except that any AU-only related dates would be taken out, since Prismatic would be the only zine running.

 Schedule #4: only the AU zine runs In this case, the schedule would remain the same as it is in schedule #1, except that any Prismatic-only dates would be taken out, since Prismatic would not be running.

In addition, here we would also have the option of either running a double volume of the AU zine (i.e. take all the specs outlined for the content and double it) or producing two volumes, each with a different theme. If this is your preferred schedule, make sure to vote for which option you’d prefer!

 And that wraps up our concept pitch! Thank you to everyone who’s read this far and please consider (if you are able and have the time) to fill out the feedback form to let us know what you thoughts are for this project!

Sincerely,

The Utapri Fanzine Team

[silverfootstepswrites]

Amaryllis | Chapter 8

< Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 9>

+++

“The Haruno family has been busy lately,” Danzo uttered as he stared over at the Regent. Minato stood with his back to him, staring down at the courtyard. There were soldiers running through drills. The Minister of Defense had suggested that officers from the Academy run the castle guards through some exercises.

“To keep them on their toes,” the Countess had suggested with an odd smile. And Minato had agreed.

He watched as one of the officers jabbed his spear upwards. It sent the guard’s weapon flying. And sending the guard himself sprawling. The officer offered a hand to help the other man to his feet.

“Well, the Haruno’s are always doing something. That’s how they make so much money,” answered Minato.

Danzo cleared his throat. Minato turned away from the window. Forehead wrinkling, he looked at his closest advisor with confusion written across his face.

“Actually, Your Grace, what I meant is that I’ve heard reports that Princess Sakura has grown very close to the Uchiha family. It’s possible that they are looking to create a union between the families,” Danzo clarified. Minato looked no less confused.

"Well, she is of marriageable age. And if she and the boy like each other, I don't see how that would not be a prosperous union," the Regent slowly said.

"Yes, Your Grace. It would certainly be a prosperous union for the Haruno family," answered Danzo very deliberately. Minato frowned harder.

"Only for the Haruno's? What are you getting at, Danzo?" he asked as he finally caught on.

"Well, Your Grace, the Southern Tea Isle has always been defiant. Declaring autonomy, deciding its own taxes. And the Haruno family has always held it, meaning that as long as the isle has been resistant to the Crown, the Haruno family has been in control," Danzo spelled out.

"Are you suggesting that if my niece were to marry, she would immediately begin to conspire against her own country?" the Regent laughed. Danzo, however, was not smiling.

"I am only urging caution, Your Grace. This is a very precarious position that you occupy. It would be wise for you to watch which hands join," warned Danzo with a slight edge to his tone. But when Minato turned his head to look at him, Danzo's face had settled back into the calm lines of neutrality.

"Nonsense, Danzo. We're family. There’s nothing to fear,” he assured the older man. When he turned his attention back to the courtyard, one of the officers from the Academy was saying something with a sneer. There was blood dripping down the officer’s wrist. But it was the castle guard who lay on the ground, his throat exposed to the point of the spear.

+++

"Sasori, I've been searching for you for forever!" complained Temari as she spotted red bobbing along in the water. Her sandals tapped against the creaking wood. Coming to a stop, she crouched on the edge of the path to peer over the edge. Her honey-colored hair hung around her in loose waves, out of the usual cluster of three ties.

Sasori's sullen expression made her cringe.

Sasori lay sprawled out in the bottom of one of the little boats. He had tied a rope to one of the thick posts supporting the walkway. One leg hanging over the edge of the boat, he barely raised his eyebrows to acknowledge his cousin before he resumed staring off at nothing.

“Are you sulking?" she demanded as she sat on the walkway. She could already sense a long talk coming and preferred not to cramp her neck leaning over to look at him the entire time. As she waited, she plucked at the hem of her skirt where it rested against her thigh. The deep purple fabric was slightly wrinkled. When she pulled at the edge, it refused to smooth out. She huffed and left it alone.

Temari stood out from any crowd. She was tall- taller than most of the other women on the island. And her body was toned and roasted to a warm shade of golden brown from countless hours training in the sun. The firm lines of her broad shoulders did not detract from her curves, however. Temari was very much a woman- and an attractive one at that. The men that first visited Sami always seemed torn between terror and arousal at the sight of the woman standing next to Sakura. Especially the way she leaned against a spear that was even taller than her.

When the lapping waters began to wet at her sandals, Temari yanked them off and tossed them aside. Leaning back on her palms, she soaked in the warm sun as it rose up to the middle of the sky. It was late in the morning and so the brilliant star had yet to completely chase away the cool air leftover from the night.

The drone of the waves washing in and out of the bay flowed over them. And swathed in the shadows of the walkway, Sasori inhaled and exhaled to the beat of the moving waters. Small slivers of sunlight dotted his body as rays escaped through the gaps in the wooden boards above.

Sasori lay on his back for a long time as he contemplated the lines of planks above him. He could see Temari's shadow as she sat waiting for him.

"What exactly do you think war is, Temari?" he inquired. Temari turned the concept over in her mind, running a hand through her gold hair. The tide was coming in but the waters were still low enough that only the soles of her feet skimmed the ripples. The stack of gold bangles on her right foot jangled softly at the motion of her swinging legs.

"War is conquest. It's a fight between mad dogs for land and for influence," she replied. The upward curl of Sasori's lips couldn't be called a smile. Sasori dipped his hand over the side of the boat, letting his fingertips drag against the cool waters.

"When you think of war, then, do you think of burly men in armor running at each other with clubs? Is it about drinking wine out of skulls of the defeated and ripping out their teeth for trophy necklaces?" questioned Sasori. As he spoke, he let his eyes drift shut.

"Well, I know for a fact that that's not you westerners do,” she retorted. Sasori chuckled.

"Quite right. The navy is all about cleanliness and order- which, by the way, suits me quite well. But more than that, war is about control. It's about who has possession of which resources. Who is able to call themselves a victor in history books? This is why, since the reasoning behind war has evolved, Temari, the nature of it must evolve as well," explained Sasori.

"Does this have to do with Lady Sakura?"

It wasn’t much of a question. Most things in Sasori’s life had to do with Lady Sakura.

After first arriving home from the war, Sakura had initially been a rare sight. Meeting with her then advisors and then taking long trips surveying the island and meeting with locals had eaten up all of her time. Only several days after arriving had Sakura finally had time to settle into her apartment to rest.

Days after Sakura's return home, the island had thrown a party to celebrate. The Duchess was home. The people caught pigs and climbed palm trees to knock down ripe coconuts. They roasted clams and small crustaceans in deep pits dug into the sand and covered with banana leaves. Fat fish with glistening white meat were served with chunks of sweet fruit. Cups were filled to the brim with fruit and wine.

The fragrance of foods and flowers mingled all through the day until the feast began at sundown. The performers began to sing and dance as they beat against drums and whistled through flutes.

Sasori even remembered what Sakura had been wearing that night. He sat to her left, head fuzzy with fruity wine when she had first arrived wearing a long red dress that draped across her body. She was still thin from her months living on soldiers' rations. The jut of her straight collarbones looked painful to him. But she arrived, smelling like her favorite perfume of roses and bent over to kiss his mother's cheek before settling in the spot reserved for her at the middle of the table.

When she turned her head to look at him, her dangling gold earrings tinkled musically. Her hair was short, barely brushing her shoulders. There was a single plumeria tucked behind her left ear. The waxy white petals seemed to glow in the low light.

She almost smiled as he motioned for someone to pour her some of the sweet beverage made from squeezed berries and grapes. The mark her lipstick made on the edges of the glass were burned into his memory.

As the night went on, the music grew louder and people even left their spots to dance. The only sources of light was the large bonfire built in the middle of the festivities, along with the glass jars of fireflies set up at each table. Sasori turned his head to the side to glance at Sakura. And he just managed to catch a glimpse of a single tear rolling off her chin as she watched the people dance.

Sasori found her hand under the table. He squeezed it, feeling the sand well up and dig in under his fingernails.

"The war is over," she whispered, her eyes never drifting to him. She sniffed once.

"The war is over. That's why they celebrate. But it's not over for me," Sakura said.

Envy colored her tone the darkest green. She pulled her hand out from underneath Sasori's. The sand under his palm felt cold.

"Your war is my war," Sasori responded without quite understanding what she meant.

It didn't dawn on him until many weeks later, as they opened a letter from the capital, just what Sakura had meant. It was a routine summons requesting that the King Regent's Council meet     s. But no words fell from Sakura's lips as she saw how the letter had been signed.

Minato seemed to have forgotten that the word "regent" belonged in his title.

Most sincerely,

His Majesty, Minato Namikaze of the Forest Kingdom

Sakura remained tight-lipped as she stared down at the words. And Sasori realized that there had been no trace of surprise in her gaze. Just resignation. That terrified him more than anything else.

He remembered, so vividly, pressing his forehead to hers. The anger making his blood boil as he hissed: “I will cleave his traitorous head from his shoulders. I will dye you a gown made from the blood I spill from that usurper. Your war shall be my war.”

And that was the first real smile he had seen from her since she had come home.

“Thank you.”

A few days later, a letter arrived at Sami. The messenger gave it to Sasori. His cousins leaned over his shoulders to get a look.

“What’s that?” asked Temari.

“It’s from the mainland. Strange seal,” noted Kankuro.

They fell silent as they read through the contents of the paper. Gaara gasped it first:

“Lady Sakura’s been poisoned?”

+++

Blood dribbled from Sakura’s lips as she took her second sip of soup. At first, she thought she had drooled. An apology spilled from her as she lifted her napkin. But so did more blood. Dripping onto the fine tablecloth. The front of her shirt.

“Oh… I seem to… Oh,” she fumbled to say.

There was a crash as Sasuke noticed. His glass tumbled over as shoved the tureen of soup away from her.

“Guards!” he shouted. And then his frantic gaze turned to his parents. His older brother and Prince Naruto, too.

“Don’t eat that!” he then snapped.

“Now, now. No need to panic,” Sakura said in a voice that didn’t match the blood coating her lips and teeth.

“General!” Haku gasped, rushing forward.

Everyone was talking at once as Sakura reached up and removed her left earring. The pink tourmaline sparkled in the afternoon light. She snapped the crystal free from the wire. And then she lifted it to her lips to drink the clear liquid inside.

In the same, calm motions, Sakura wiped her mouth and chin with her napkin.

“Your Majesty, I think I might require the assistance of your physician again,” Sakura requested. Hand pressed to her mouth in horror, all Mikoto could do was nod.

Sakura then tilted her head over her shoulder, one hand reaching. Haku grasped her hand, not seeming to mind the blood that got on his.

“Run ahead and inform the doctor,” she instructed.

“Will you be alright to move by yourself, General?” Haku worried.

“I’ll take her. Go,” Sasuke interrupted. Haku grabbed his skirts and broke into a run. Knocking into a guard as he hurried out the door.

“I’m terribly sorry to ruin lunch like this. But if you’ll excuse me,” Sakura then said to the others seated at the table. As she got to her feet, so did everyone else. Including the king and queen. Her knees buckled. Naruto rushed to her side. As he tried to help her, Sakura smacked his hands away.

“Do not touch me!” she snapped. Her breath ragged.

When Naruto’s pleading gaze turned to Sasuke, Sasuke nodded at him.

“Put your arm around me. Can you walk?” Sasuke said. When he took Sakura’s hand, she didn’t yell at him. She let him guide her away from the blood-spattered tablecloth.

Itachi’s hands clenched. He stared after the two figures. And then he tossed his napkin aside.

“Please excuse me, Father, Mother,” Itachi whispered before he followed after them.

“Itachi? What are you doing?” came his father’s voice, sharp with surprise. Itachi didn’t answer as he strode to catch up with them. He took Sakura’s other hand. Both people started. But Sakura didn’t resist when he draped her other arm over his shoulder.

Haku met them on the stairs. Huffing and puffing. Hair glistening with sweat. “The doctor says she’ll come to your room, General. Not to bother going all the way up to the infirmary,” he relayed. And then he pushed Itachi out the way to support Sakura. Completely ignoring manners. And ignoring the way that Sasuke glared at the rudeness directed towards his brother.

“We’re almost there, General,” Haku urged as he helped Sakura move forward.

The physician was already at Sakura’s apartment when they arrived. She waited for Haku to escort Sakura inside. And then she held up a hand when the brothers tried to follow after her.

“This won’t be a pretty affair, Princes. And I doubt you’ll be of much help,” Karin said.

Moegi ran under her arm, carrying several lumps of coal in her apron.

With a smile, Karin slammed the door in both the princes’ faces.

She emerged a couple hours later, her hands stained black. She started when she spotted Sasuke standing at the window. Itachi stood right by the door, his hands clenched together.

“You’re both still here? She’s fine. Go. She needs to rest,” the doctor ordered.

The brothers exchanged looks.

“If you’re that concerned, come visit tomorrow. Right now, what the general needs is sleep. You two lumbering in there certainly won’t help her,” Karin went on to scold.

Under the strength of the physician’s glare, both princes had no choice but to retreat.

Itachi returned the following morning. Perhaps a little earlier than was polite, but he had spent all night staring at the canopy of his bed. Anxiety gnawing at his gut like some sort of rat digging in garbage.

He hesitated. And then knocked.

“Doctor? You’re early,” Moegi greeted as she opened the door. And then she froze. Halfway out the door. Just staring up at the prince.

“Moegi, who it is?” asked Haku as he exited the bathroom, a basin in his hands and a towel draped over his shoulder.

“Your Highness!” Haku exclaimed. He frantically motioned for Itachi to enter, nearly sloshing water onto the floor. When Itachi stepped into the foyer, Haku then motioned wildly at Moegi. It took her a second, but she pulled the door shut, locking it behind Itachi.

“Oh…. hello, Your Highness,” Moegi finally managed to say.

“Good morning,” responded Itachi with just as much awkwardness.

Haku intervened. “What a pleasant surprise, Prince Itachi. What can we assist you with?”

Itachi’s eyes rested on the doors past Haku.

“The General…” he simply said before his gaze flickered back to Haku’s face.

Haku grimaced.

"Yes. Of course."

"Is she very ill?" asked Itachi.

“She’s much better, your Highness. There was some talk about needing to bleed her if her condition worsened, but it seems that won’t be necessary,” Haku admitted with a nervous look at the door.

Itachi gestured toward the same door.

“Would you ask if she would see me?”

Haku and Moegi exchanged nervous glances. Moegi jerked her chin. Haku approached the double door. He knocked before he peered inside.

Sakura lay in bed, her long hair curling around her head and across the pillows. Eyes slowly cracking open, she rubbed her palm against her cheek. The whites of her eyes were bloodshot.

“Yes?” Sakura asked. She had already heard the voices murmuring outside her door.

"…Are you in the mood for a visitor, General?”

Letting out a tired sigh, Sakura turned onto her side and blinked several times. Her hand rose to pull her bangs out of her eyes.

"It depends. Is it a pleasant visitor or someone that will make me wish that awful soup had finished me off?" queried Sakura in return. And when the servant looked confused, Sakura gestured for him to enter. Smiling, Haku pushed the door open. He pretended to busy himself straightening Sakura’s blankets and adjusting the curtains.

Itachi stepped across the threshold and lingered in the doorway.

"…Hello," he finally said. He crossed his arms behind his back so Sakura wouldn't see his hands fidgeting. Moegi, still in the foyer, noticed, and tried her best not to laugh.

“Hello,” responded Sakura. “I’m sorry. That probably wasn’t a pleasant sight yesterday.”

“Well… you don’t have to apologize for that. It wasn’t… You…” Itachi trailed off, thinking. Sakura waited.

“You were so calm,” he noted.

And in the doorway, there was movement as Moegi continued folding sheets and towels as she had been all this time. Sakura flinched, pressing her fingers to her temple.

“General?” Haku was already at her elbow.

“Moegi, my dear,” Sakura called. Moegi set her things down and appeared in the doorway behind Itachi.

“Yes, General?”

“Some hot water. I think I’ll need some moon tea for this headache,” she ordered.

“Right away, General,” Moegi said with a bow. And she hurried out, shoes tapping.

Haku started, as if someone had pinched him. “Oh, my apologies, Your Highness!” he gasped as he pulled a chair up for Itachi. He bowed low. Waiting.

“Please have a seat. You’re going to give poor Haku a heart attack,” Sakura requested. Itachi lowered himself in the chair.

“And in response to your observation, I’ve been poisoned more times than I can count. You start to pick up on the taste after a while,” she replied.

Itachi looked horrified. But she went on. “Arsenic is sweet. Cyanide is bitter.” And then she tilted her head, pointing so that he could see her right earring. The left one was gone.

“The left contains an antidote for arsenic. The right is for cyanide. Surviving poisonings is practically a family tradition.” Sasori would have laughed at that, Sakura thought as the words left her mouth. Itachi didn’t.

“That’s… horrible,” was all he could say.

“Oh, it’s not so bad. I’m alive, aren’t I?” she replied. And then she smiled. “And you’ve come to visit me. That’s not so bad either.”

“I did.”

“Thank you. I appreciate that,” she told him.

She could see his shoulders relax a little. Steering the conversation in a more mundane route had been the right decision.

"I suppose that I should have brought flowers again. My apologies," Itachi commented.

"Yes, you could have ripped some roses from a vase on your way here. I must say that I'm a little disappointed, Prince," she responded.

They even laughed a little.

He stayed for a little longer than was conventionally polite. And he only left when the physician bustled in.

“The patient needs rest. On your way, Prince,” she shooed him out with sweeps of her hands.

Over Karin’s shoulder, Sakura sighed. And then she nodded.

‘Tomorrow,’ she mouthed.

Itachi took his leave without too much fuss.

Karin’s examination didn’t take long. “Whatever that antidote was, it works well. You’re quite alright considering how much poison was in that bowl,” the doctor noted. She turned away to find her glasses.

“Bowl?” Sakura repeated. Her eyes narrowed.

“Yes. We did as you instructed. When we placed silver in the soup itself, there was no reaction. It did not react in the other bowls. It was only in yours, General,” Karin went on. “Quite an interesting practice. I’d never heard of it before. We should start serving all of our food on silver. It would make my job easier.”

Sakura composed her expression as she doctor turned back to her.

“How strange,” was all Sakura said.

After the doctor left, Moegi began gathering used linens in a basket. Haku lifted the tray that Moegi had brought with a teapot and cups. There was an extra cup that had gone unused. She had probably expected Itachi to stay a little longer.

“Is anything else you need, General?” asked Moegi.

“Haku,” Sakura called out.

Moegi hesitated. And then she bowed before she headed downstairs on her own. Haku re-entered the room, the tray held against his hip the way all the serving girls did. He set it down on the empty chair. He closed the door behind him. Hands folded in front of the starched white apron, he stood waiting for Sakura to speak.

Sakura sat propped up against her pillows, eyes tracing the floral pattern on the comforter as she gathered her thoughts. It was a long moment before she spoke.

"You are a boy, Haku," she finally said.

"Yes, we both know that, General!" he answered, a flush already rising to his cheeks. Sakura took another pause to reword her thoughts. Perhaps there was no need to be so subtle.

"You've been able to pass yourself off as a girl for a while now. But it won't stay that way forever. Your voice will drop. You will begin to grown a mustache. What will you do then?" she queried.

At this, the blush receded from Haku's face. He grew even paler than normal as he considered this.

"Well… um… I was considering taking a job in the city? I have a friend who works-"

"In the city?" Sakura repeated, "Usually, that means a brothel of some sort.” She turned her head to look out the window. She had seen it happen a million times by now. Wars tore husbands from their families. Left without a man to provide, so many turned to selling their bodies. She hated whorehouses for the overbearing fragrance of perfume and smoke. But she hated what it meant when she saw those faces in the windows. Their youth always startled her.

Haku's gaze dropped to the rounded front of his shoes.

"How would you feel about coming home with me? I will be leaving Goliaf soon. Of course, you will never be able to come back to the Mountain Kingdom. But that must be better than being stuck in a whorehouse for the rest of your life," offered Sakura without turning to look at him.

Haku's head jerked up. Dark eyes glittering, he stared at Sakura's back.

"Truly, General? I can leave with you?" he demanded.

A smile stretched Sakura's mouth.

"I wouldn't be asking if I didn't mean it," she assured him.

“And… Moegi as well?”

“No. It seems cruel to take her from her parents, don’t you think?” answered Sakura.

She started as she felt Haku take her hands. “Thank you, General,” Haku exclaimed, pressing them to his forehead. It wasn’t a gesture she had ever seen anyone in the castle use. But she accepted it.

+++

Amid the busy times spent writing to her relatives and to merchants to arrange passage back home at the end of the summer, Sakura occasionally indulged in a break. Part of her knew that she would miss the cool greenery of the mountain. Of course the sight of the ocean was synonymous with home. But having a castle in the cool calm of the mountains wasn't a bad alternative, she decided.

Sakura enjoyed morning rides on horseback. She had lunch on the terrace with Naruto, whether it rained or not. And then she had tea on the library balcony with Itachi. Sakura sparred with Sasuke, her mobility and speed returning as the skin on her back finally healed all the way.

King Fugaku, after personally visiting her to offer his apology for the poisoning, employed two poison testers at every meal. And while Sakura privately worried how much these men were being paid for such a dangerous task, neither of them had died and so it gave them all some peace of mind.

Sakura wrote once more to Sasori before she began to pack for her departure. She omitted the details of her recent poisoning. He would figure it out once he saw that she was missing an earring. And also because she began to suspect that she was not the intended target for the poisoning.  Partly because Itachi had come last-minute to join them for the meal. And partly because she had arrived late, leaving her with nowhere to sit but beside Naruto. She wasn’t certain who, then, was the true target. That was something she could discuss with her family in person.

Sakura spelled this out to a very pale-faced Sasuke. He had been nothing but mortified since the incident.

“I can’t even begin to express how much we apologize for this. Even once is inexcusable. But for you to be put in harm’s way twice? We want you to know that everything is being done to find out who is behind this,” insisted Sasuke. And she hated that. How he sounded like an other noble she had dealt with before.

“Is your father worried that I’ll declare war?” Sakura guessed.

Sasuke suddenly went very still. Sakura sighed. “That won’t do, Prince. You have to get better at lying,” Sakura scolded him.

“Your castle’s security is, indeed, partly to blame. But I’m quite used to people trying to take my life. Rest assured, I won’t allow their clumsy meddling to stoke war. My country is certainly in no condition to be crossing blades,” she then declared. “Besides, I’m beginning to think that maybe my idiot cousin is the one with the target on his back.”

Naruto acted like he had been the one to pour the poison into her spoon. And Sakura did her best to express her irritation at his ceaseless gibbering while also insisting that it wasn't his fault.

"Why target him? You have the most legitimate claim for the throne. Eliminating you would throw the kingdom into utter chaos. But assassinating Prince Naruto would simply clear the way for you," Sasuke slowly stated.

"Meaning, that either someone is trying their best to help me or their very best to trick me.”

"Wouldn't you prefer the former rather than the latter?"

"Absolutely not. I have no use for pawns that operate without orders," she scoffed.

A few days later, over breakfast, as Naruto told a ridiculous story about how he had once tried to ride a deer as a child, an idea seemed to light up his eyes. Hands slapping down on the table, he whirled to face Sakura. She eyed him warily over the rim of her teacup. When she stole a glance at Sasuke, he simply shrugged.

"Say, Sakura, you're going back to Plumeria soon, right?” began Naruto.

She slowly nodded.

"Well, I was just thinking that it's a shame that even though it's where you live, I've never been there before."

And before she could stop him, he blurted out the horrifying words, "So how about Sasuke and I come along when you go back? You could give us the grand tour of the place!"

What was even more horrifying was that she could see Sasuke's face also lighting up with interest at the prospect.

Sakura scrambled to come up with some sort of reason why that would be unwise. And then, she just barely managed to grab hold of a somewhat plausible excuse.

"Well, that sounds lovely, but it would be unfair for me to take along one brother and not the other. And in his condition, I don't think travel would be a wise idea," said Sakura with barely concealed glee.

"I don't see why not. The physician says that the ocean air would be good for him. And a little travel is good for a young man," said Mikoto. And so while King Fugaku did not seem overjoyed at the idea, he also nodded his assent to the plan. Sakura held back her scream of frustration as she dug her fork into her food.

On the third week of August, the party (which was much larger than anticipated) set out from the palace. They rode down the mountain, along the twisting main roads leading southeast until they reached a large port city where Sakura had arranged for a ship to take them to the island. She had sent word ahead that they would need more supplies. She hoped that the messenger arrived in time. The journey took four days due to the rough terrain. Sakura worried that her companions would moan about motion-sickness. While Naruto looked a little green, he didn’t complain. And neither did the brothers.

Their carriages were heavy with various trunks. Some contained their possessions, but others were laden with gifts from the Mountain Kingdom. Sakura doubted that she truly needed all this gold, but it was a nice gesture. She had requested one gift, in particular. And this gift sat with her in her carriage.

“Do you feel alright?” Sakura asked. Haku turned away from the window, beaming.

“Yes! I haven’t left that castle in forever!” he laughed.

The city of Whitewave sat in Inuzuka lands, which lay on the northern border of the kingdom. Countess Inuzuka was away on business, but one of her vassals greeted Sakura at the gates of the prosperous city.

“Greetings, General. We are honored by your presence.”

Sakura nodded.

Many years ago, Countess Inuzuka had built a small manor for Sakura as a birthday gift. It was practical, given how often Sakura used the port to travel back and forth from the island. The servants at the manor had already received word of her arrival. The steward and the modest staff were waiting when their carriages pulled up to the building.

“Good afternoon, General. We are overjoyed for your return,” the steward uttered.

“Zetsu, please see my guests to their rooms to rest before supper. We leave in the morning,” Sakura ordered. Servants moved forward to accept Sakura’s cloak. Others moved to address the guests and guide them to their quarters.

Dinner was simple, but filling. The manor was empty most of the year, but it was well-stocked with plenty of food and tea. Sasori often dropped by here on his travels. He preferred it to spending the night at a tavern, especially since, he claimed, they had no idea how often they washed the sheets.

In the morning, they traveled to the docks. But the ship that Sakura expected wasn’t there. Instead, there was a familiar vessel. The white sails bore a desert rose in the middle. An obvious giveaway for who the ship belonged to. Hands on her hips, Sakura gave a shake of her head.

“I should have expected this,” she muttered as she saw the tall figure step off the ship. He threw his arms around her with just the force she expected. He nearly lifted her off her feet as he squeezed.

“Time to go home, darling,” he greeted her.

“Yes, yes. I could have come home very well on my own,” she said. Sasori’s eyes narrowed as he caught the glitter of just one earring.

“Evidently not,” he said with a pointed stare.

“No matter. Until we're home, I'm sticking to you like glue. I'll trail you until you're positively sick of me," declared Sasori, leaving absolutely no room for argument.

And then he turned to the rest of the group. His gaze lingered on Haku. But he caught the look Sakura gave him and refrained from asking the nervous servant any questions.

“Well… this is quite a gathering. Well, we’ve had time to stock up. Unless there are any objections, shall we set off?” Sasori said with a clap of his hands.

“Please. Get me off this goddamn continent,” sighed Sakura, stepping onto the ship first. When she motioned with her hand, Haku ran after her.

The journey over water was smooth. Years of experience on the sea made Sasori an ideal captain. And it was just before the storm season started so the waters were still placid and predictable. The party spent the days trading stories and simply admiring the beauty of the open water. Naruto and the Uchiha brothers seemed to struggle a bit with seasickness, but even that didn't seem to be enough to dampen their mood.

At first, Sakura worried that the rocking waves would be enough to exacerbate Itachi's condition. But the sea wind seemed to put some color in his cheeks and when the nausea faded, he seemed more lively than before. He seemed to feel that she was keeping an eye on him. Whenever their eyes met at the dinner table, they struggled to hide their smiles.

Sakura stayed up late at night, keeping Sasori company as they listened to the lapping waters against the side of the ship. They took swigs from a canteen filled with something distinctly alcoholic that made them grimace at the foul taste.

"Excited to be home, sweetheart?" he asked.

"Relieved, more like," she corrected him.

After several days, they spotted a smudge in the distance. And when Sakura's eyes met Sasori's, they both knew that it was really excitement and not relief dancing in her expression.

On the second day of September, the ship finally reached the clear waters of Plumeria's bay. There was a flurry of activity as the ship's crew pulled and tied ropes. The anchor scraped against the deep sands with a thud. Sasuke leaned against the side of the ship with Sakura, watching as the vessel slowly came to a rocking halt atop the waves.

"Welcome, everyone, to Plumeria," Sasori announced as he stepped off the ramp and then swept a needlessly complicated bow before offering his hand to Sakura. Rolling her eyes, she took his hand and let him help her down. Hand squeezing his, Sakura stared around at the port. The sight of the clear, sparkling waters, and the ships bobbing filled her with nostalgia. The sky was aquamarine with just a few wispy clouds floating high up. Everything was as it should be.

“Well, if it isn’t the Duchess. Finally come home, eh?”

Sakura turned her head to find two old fishermen greeting her. They sat in their boat, running their net through their fingers as they checked for tangles and rips.

“Morning, gentlemen. Good weather,” greeted Sakura in return. She turned her head to the sun, soaking in its warmth. The old men copied her, lifting their hands to shield their eyes from the light. Squinting, they looked back to her. Their smiles widened.

“Ah! There he is!” they cackled.

Sakura felt the weight of something settle over her shoulders. It was Sasori’s cloak. His hands grasped her shoulders.

“There’s the Duchess’ shadow. It’s the both of you this time. How long has it been?” one of the men wondered.

“Too long,” Sakura agreed, smiling as she watched them work.

“Good catches lately?” she wondered.

"Yes ma'am. Don’t hurt that some merchant came in a few days ago with a load of salted pork. Trouble is, some of it hadn't been salted properly and rotted. Lolo dumped it right out in the water. Fish have been dining like kings ever since,” one of the old men informed her with a toothless grin.

"One man's misfortune is another's fortune, I suppose. Fair winds,” Sakura greeted them with one last smile.

By this time, Sasuke had already helped his brother down from the ship. They stood together on the dock, Sasuke awkwardly hovering, unsure whether to physically support Itachi or not. But Itachi pushed the fluttering hands away as he took a deep breath. Naruto stumbled out after them, still a little green.

"This place is… truly incredible. The textbooks don't do it justice," Itachi declared.

Haku exited the boat last, shielding his eyes against the bright light. He made his way to Sakura’s side. He had developed a habit of grasping her elbow. He probably wasn’t even aware that he was doing it. And she didn’t mind.

Plumeria was built into the bay. It was high tide now, so it looked like all the homes and walkways floated on top of the ocean. Clusters of white houses with red tiled roofs were visible up ahead. Other homes, a bit larger, had blue tiles instead. The market was a colorful cacophony of colored tents and waving flags. Boats pulled right up to the stalls, people laughing and haggling. Further inland, they could see a white building glittering on top of the waves. The straight white lines unmoving near the swaying palm trees.

Sasori’s head moved to the left. On the arms of the bay sat towers. Some of them were covered with leaves and debris to make it look like an overgrown tree. Movement flickered. And then a dove burst out between the leaves. It beat its wings frantically as it made its way to the palace.

“Well, while we wait for transport. We should eat something,” he suggested.

“Watch your step. It can get a little slippery,” Sakura warned Haku. And then she looked back to the two brothers, who nodded. And then at Naruto, who also nodded.

It was only then that Sasuke truly understand how the market in his country must have looked to Sakura. He wondered why she hadn’t burst out laughing at the neat lines and the meek smiles.

Each stall held a new wonder. Strangely colored fruits with new smells and flavors sat on display. The merchants carved into them right there, juice running down their fingers as they offered shoppers a taste. Some merchants displayed bolts of fabric in deep burnt shades of reds and purples while others sold only pastel colors.

Jewelry was everywhere too. Pearls especially. They sat in long strings or as earrings mounted on silver wire. There were other jewels too, like tourmaline. And some sort of bizarre, iridescent jewel that they had never seen before.

Sacks filled with red and yellow powder sat on display beside scales that merchants always seemed to obsessively testing and re-testing.

The smell of bread rose high into the air. It was too late in the morning for the women to still be baking bread. But the floury loaves sat stacked in displays. Sakura asked for one, squabbling with the older ladies with a smile.

“The Duchess comes back and wen cockroach me already!” one of them lamented as they handed Sakura two loaves. But they were all laughing as Sakura paid. She broke the loaves into pieces and passed them back. She took a bite as she moved.

The bread was crisp and floury on the outside. Soft and buttery on the inside.

“I’ve never had anything like this before,” Sasuke whispered to no one in particular. But it was his brother who he found standing next to him.

“It’s delicious,” Itachi answered.

They shared a smile. But then Sasuke turned away, as if revoking that shared moment of wonder.

“Ah! Look who’s here!” someone said. A chorus of greetings rose up as more and more people began to recognize Sakura. People rushed out their stalls to grasp Sakura’s hands, to kiss her cheek. And the Sakura who was so quick to turn a cold shoulder, giggled as she returned every greeting she could.

Itachi took in their sun-kissed skin and their dark hair. He had always thought Sakura was somewhat dark, but these people were roasted by hours in the sun until their skin gleamed like finely polished wood. Their eyes, though sometimes as black as his, were also pale green and blue. Some had eyes a color between green and brown that Itachi had never seen before. They all spoke the same language as him, but a more fluid noise that clung to some of the syllables. And the phrases they used caught him off guard.

“Eh, Duchess, what did you do to all these kane? They’re so skinny!” one of the merchants remarked, putting his arm around Naruto. Naruto didn’t understand, but he laughed all the same. And that made all the merchants roar with laughter.

As they moved north through the market, the bustle of the market began to die down. This was a more residential area. Most people were working this time of day. A few heads did poke out of windows to greet them as they moved.

“Is it alright not to bring our things?” wondered Itachi. The entire group paused. Except for Sakura and Sasori, who walked a few extra steps before they realized that no one was following.

Sasori simply pointed toward the water. Everyone followed his finger to find a canoe drifting past them. Two men sat at each end, paddling. They recognized them as part of the crew that had helped on the ship during their journey here. In the middle of the boat sat some of the trunks that had been loaded in the cargo hold. And then, behind them came another canoe with more of the luggage.

“Oh, that’s so efficient,” Itachi murmured as they continued on.

There was a set of wooden steps that guided them up to the entrance of Sami Palace. A large archway marked the beginning of the palace. Two guards stood there, spears held at their sides. The vines climbing around and over the archway shaded them from the worst of the sun. They bowed in greeting when the group approached. But no one moved forward, because they were busy staring open-mouthed.

Sakura had seen this view countless times before but she couldn't help but also be amazed at its beauty. There was such an elegant symmetry about the place. And someone had thought to scrub the walkway clean of the salt that tended to accumulate on the planks. The entire place was spotless. Only after a giving everyone a minute to gawk did Sasori and Sakura exchange pointed looks before they proceeded down the walkway.

"There are flowers... in the water," Sakura heard Itachi remark aloud.

"They were a gift. These flowers have been specifically bred to thrive in saltwater. They're lovely, aren't they?" responded Sakura without looking back. A group of servant girls passing by with baskets held on their hips suddenly froze. Faces lighting up, they surged forward.

"Welcome home, Your Grace!"

"You look well!"

They chattered merrily, touching Sakura's arm and laughing together. But then one of them glanced back to see the other visitors.

"You must be tired, Your Grace. Shall we escort your guests to their rooms?" she suggested. Sakura gave her a grateful smile.

"Thank you. That would be wonderful. Shall we meet for lunch at noon?" said Sakura, directing the question at Sasuke, Naruto, and Itachi. When all three men nodded, the servant girls moved to guide them to the guest apartments. Sakura turned to Sasori.

"You're going to take a nap," she guessed.

"Of course. Wake me for lunch. I'll be starving by then, darling," answered Sasori. He pressed a kiss to her cheek before he took the left path

That left Sakura with Haku, who hadn’t budged when one of the servant girls had asked him to follow her. He just shook his head, pointing after Sakura. The girl looked puzzled, but gave him a gracious nod before she went on her way.

Sakura had noticed this, of course. Just as she heard the sounds of someone hurrying down the walkway.

“Why didn’t you send a bird sooner!” the steward scolded her as she ran to greet them. She threw her arms around Sakura, engulfing her in a big hug.

“To see you panic, of course,” Sakura teased.

“Oh, you wicked thing,” the older woman scolded her, swatting at her.

As they drew apart, Sakura gestured to Haku, who stood fidgeting behind her.

“Shizu, meet Haku. He’ll be staying with us from now on,” Sakura introduced the boy.

“As?” Shizune prompted, fixing Sakura with a look.

“As your apprentice, of course. You won’t live forever. Not with all the stress I put you through,” retorted Sakura. Shizune swatted at her again.

“You get more and more naughty every time I see you. Go wash up,” Shizune said. And she motioned to a few servant girls to follow Sakura as she pushed her ahead on the path. Shizune stood watching her with her hands on her hips. And then she glanced over at Haku.

“Come, boy. We’ll get you a bath, and then I’ll introduce you to all the lolos in this palace,” Shizune said.

“Lolo?” Haku repeated as he fell into step beside her.

“Crazies,” Shizune translated with a smirk, “Including Her Grace. She’s the biggest crazy of all. But that’s why we like her.”

+++

There was a royal bathhouse at the northern end of the palace. But there was also a private bathing pool in her apartment.

The first thing Sakura did after her weeks of travel was to disrobe and step into the steaming bath. Something about washing in seawater never seemed to leave her feeling completely clean. One attendant gathered her clothes to wash later. Another scattered rose petals into the water.

Sakura leaned back against the edge of the bathing pool with a sigh. One of the women knelt on the tiled edge.

“Please excuse me,” she announced herself before she poured a liquid into Sakura’s hair. She lathered it up into a dense, fragrant foam before she began running a wide-toothed comb through it.

Another began washing Sakura’s hands. “Your Grace, your nails,” she lamented.

“Oh, hush. She’s been busy. And if you weren’t doing this, you’d be scrubbing the floors somewhere. Be grateful,” the third servant teased her. Sakura smiled. The idle chitchat of the servants had always been part of the bathing ritual. That was probably why things felt so empty in Whiteriver Keep. She knew that there were some noble ladies who demanded silence from their staff. But Sakura liked the chatter. It was soothing. Just as soothing as the sounds of the wind rustling through palm fronds. The twitter of birds sitting just outside.

The tiles of the floor and bath had been painted and fired right here on the island. Bright blue and turquoise over white. The pillars were carved from white marble, imported from far across the ocean. There was a ceiling and walls to protect against the elements. Unlike most of the buildings in the palace, there were doors rather than archways. Wind still traveled in through the windows, along with the flowers outside.

“Shall we oil your hair, Your Grace?”

“Please,” answered Sakura.

“Very good, Your Grace.”

They poured warm water over Sakura’s hair, combing and combing until it was free of bubbles. And then they massaged the fragrant oil from her scalp, all the way down to the very tips of her hair.

Seagulls shrieked in the distance. She breathed in the clean air. And it felt so good that she exhaled to take an even deeper breath this time.

“It’s so good to be home,” she said out loud.

When she was clean and her skin grew rosy from the heat, the servants brought towels and a robe. They dried her skin and wrapped the robe around her. One dried her feet while another squeezed the water from her hair. The third hurried ahead to open the doors. Shizune stood waiting outside.

“Why all the secrecy? Who is the boy?” asked Shizune as she followed Sakura down the hall, through the salon. Up the stairs that led to her bedroom on the second floor. It was spotless, of course. And there was a servant waiting for her to open up Sakura’s armoire.

“Hm," said Sakura as she looked through her closet. Her fingers trailed over the soft fabrics as she considered what to wear. They lingered over lines of tiny pearls and transparent swaths of airy fabric. After a moment, Sakura turned to regard the smiling servant.

“Which do you think, Rio?”

“The blue would look splendid on your skin,” she recommended. Sakura nodded. The servant plucked the garment from the hanger. Another attendant walked into the room. Shizune huffed as she took a seat on a footstool.

“What were you asking, Shizune?” Sakura then queried. She held her arms out so that the servants could begin removing her robe.

"Who is the boy, Your Grace? You haven't said anything about him!" Shizune asked again.

"Which one, Shizune? They're all boys," responded Sakura with a smirk.

"The boy you suddenly said would be my apprentice,” Shizune huffed. As she spoke, she pointed downwards. Because downstairs, in the salon, Haku was undoubtedly still sitting on the divan, straight-backed and wide-eyed. Haku had been swept off by some of the manservants who scrubbed him clean and dressed him before depositing him on one of the cushioned seats. Shizune had offered him some sort of refreshment while he waited and she had struggled not to giggle at his obviously flustered expression.

"Ah. Him. He's a mystery I've yet to solve myself. But he seemed to be in danger in the Mountain Kingdom so I brought him here," Sakura admitted. At this, Shizune's forehead wrinkled.

"Danger? Is he alright now?" Shizune questioned.

"He'll be very safe among you ladies, I'm sure. Especially with you around, Shizune,” assured Sakura. “I expect you to take excellent care of him,” she added, looking at the two servants now.

"Of course. Your Grace fights everyone with her fists. And Miss Shizune fights everyone with her words. We're all safe here," one of them retorted. The other servant girl broke into peals of laughter. Only giggling harder when Shizune dealt a kick to her rear.

After Sakura dressed and the servants saw to her hair, it was time to leave. Haku rushed to his feet when she came down the stairs. He seemed determined to shadow each of her footfalls wherever she went. Shizune gave him an appraising look. And then she leaned in to Sakura to whisper.

“He’s very attached to you. What have you done to him?”

“Nothing,” Sakura insisted.

On the way, Sakura stopped by Sasori's apartment. The guards bowed as Sakura entered the building. She found him slumbering peacefully in his room. He laid the wrong way across the bed, arms crossed over his face and his feet dangling off the edge. Sasori had only bothered to pull open the top buttons of his new uniform jacket before collapsing in this pose. But a few words and a shake to the shoulder opened his eyes.

Stretching, he reached up to swat at a lock of her hair hanging over his face. "Do we have to entertain? I'm exhausted," he sighed while rolling onto his stomach.

Sakura let out a fond sigh. Honestly, he was such a child sometimes.

"I'm afraid that if I leave you like this, you'll grow moss," teased Sakura. And then she let out a humming noise and added, "I'm certain that everyone is tired after a long journey. The welcome feast won't be until tomorrow night so we could all retire to our rooms after lunch."

Comforted somewhat by that suggestion, Sasori slowly sat up. He ran a hand through his messy hair. He grasped Sakura by the forearms and pulled her forward to plant a kiss to her forehead.

"I'll be along in a bit, darling. Make sure there's some wine for me," he slurred before unleashing a gigantic yawn.

"There's always wine for you," scoffed Sakura in return as she slid off the bed. Beckoning for Haku to follow, she stepped out of the room and onto the smooth walkway. The light patter of his new shoes against the walkway lagged behind the steady tempo of her footsteps.

"Don't worry. This place seems large but you'll adapt quickly," Sakura assured him.

"Of course, General," Haku replied. Sakura cast him a measured look over her shoulder.

His head was held high and his dark eyes took in everything around him. His gaze met hers and he blinked rapidly. After bathing and changing into clothes borrowed from one of the manservants, Haku seemed somewhat more at ease. He was dressed in a cream-colored tunic with long sleeves and matching pants. The leather sandals seemed to be a little unfamiliar to him, judging from his awkward gait. But he touched the beadwork along the collar of the tunic with a look of awe. Sakura thought then that she had never seen the boy look happier.

When Sakura smiled, he offered one in return without seeming to understand the expression.

“Where are you from?" she wondered out loud. Haku's brow rumpled. But after a moment, Sakura turned her eyes back ahead.

"No matter," she intoned with a wave of her hand, "We'll find a place for you here. Oh, and no need to call me that here."

Haku's eyes widened.

"But, Ge- Um, what do I call you then?" the boy asked.

They stopped in the archway to a square pavilion. Sakura's hand lingered on the side of the archway as she tilted her face toward him. Then, with a smile, she reached out and tapped his cheek with her pointer finger.

“I don’t need to wear that title like armor here. ‘Your Grace’ will do. ‘My Lady’ is even better,” Sakura responded before she slipped past the curtain and into the room. Haku glimpsed that bright pink petals glistened when the sunlight slanted in past the billowing curtains.

“You’re with me, little bird,” Shizune’s voice said from behind him. Haku turned around, pointing at himself. She nodded.

Itachi and Sasuke already sat at the low rectangular table in the middle of the room. There was an array of cushions and mats spread out on the tiled floor in colors ranging from a deep, burnt orange to light green. Small clay bowls painted white sat at intervals along the table, filled with fresh flowers.

As Sakura ducked under the curtain, the two brothers, who had not been speaking before, both rose to their feet. But Sakura held up her hand.

"Please. You're my guests. Make yourselves comfortable," she insisted before she sat at the middle of the table. Sasuke and Itachi both sat across from her, their dark eyes roving over the unfamiliar table settings and then to the wall-less room itself. After a long silence, Sasuke and Itachi turned simultaneously to look at each other. And then, surprisingly, it was Itachi that spoke first.

"Pardon me if I am being forward, but you seem somewhat…different, General," observed Itachi.

"Different," Sakura repeated a little unsurely. It was ever-blunt Sasuke who explained.

"You're all prickles and hard edges, usually. But here, you're smiling… constantly. Frankly, it's a little unsettling."

Itachi gave his younger brother a look of horror as Sasori settled to the spot on Sakura's right. The red-head caught the tail-end of Sasuke's words and chuckled.

"Says the man who is also all prickles and sharp tongues," snorted Sasori.

"Am I really that unfriendly away from home?" queried Sakura as she nudged her cousin. Sasori turned to stare at her with a flat expression.

"Love, if you were any less friendly off this island, you would be stabbing everyone you meet. You're a great deal less pleasant," uttered Sasori with absolute sincerity. And then, noticing Naruto enter out of the corner of his eye, Sasori added, "But then again, with the company you usually keep, I can hardly blame you."

Sasuke snorted into his sip of water.

A girl stepped through the curtain and knelt on the floor.

“Yes, we’re ready for the food. Thank you,” Sakura told her.

The girl dipped her head before she rose to her full height and slipped out. No sooner had she disappeared through the doorway that several servants stepped into the room carrying a platter with a whole roasted fish. Another held chunks of fresh fruit in a dazzling rainbow of colors. There were dark purple potatoes that steamed when Sasori split one open.

Sakura explained each of the foods. Sasori chimed in as needed. There were some wary expressions as they looked at the unfamiliar dishes. But some observation of how Sasori and Sakura ate was enough guidance. And eventually, everyone was making surprised noises of approval as they gorged themselves on the fresh foods.

Conversation ran long after the food was gone and the servants came to refill cups several times before Sakura suggested that everyone return to their rooms to rest. But before she could even think to lie down for a nap, there were servants bombarding her with various messages from so many different people.

She took a deep breath. “Please enjoy your evening,” was all she said before she got to her feet.

There was a thunderstorm late that night. Some of the servants roused themselves to put up the wooden doors and shutters stored away for such rare occasions. It rained frequently on the island and it was rarely severe enough to cause much worry. But the distant thunder promised hard rain. Hard rain and wind did not mix well with open arches.

Sakura sat up in bed, as if jolting from one bad dream into the next.

The rain had made it difficult for her to sleep since the day her parents had passed away. It had been raining on that day too. They had been in a hurry to return from a party thrown by the Count Yamanaka. The roads were slick with mud. The horses slipped and the carriage veered off the road and into a ravine.

Pressing a hand to the cold sweat beading down the back of her neck, Sakura's hand reached under her pillow when she heard the door open and close somewhere. It wouldn’t be the guards. They knew better than to fumble around like that.

Her fingers closed around the handle of the knife always kept hidden under her pillow. But when she heard the rhythm of the footsteps coming up, Sakura relaxed. She pushed her knife back into its spot as Sasori's head of dark red hair appeared. He climbed up the remaining stairs and then sat on the foot of her bed.

His hair was messy and the top buttons of his linen shirt were left undone. Sakura could see the top of the scar that slashed diagonally across his chest. Cheek in his hand, he stared at her from under his messy mop of hair.

"You've been lying to me," he observed.

"About?" prompted Sakura as her hands fell into her lap.

"All those letters you sent home, you assured me that you were doing so well," he began. When Sakura showed no sign of guilt, he continued.

"You're far from fine. I saw you right after the war, Sakura. I know you better than anyone. Your dreams are getting worse," said Sasori without a hint of uncertainty. Sakura turned her head away from him. Sometimes, not usually, but sometimes she hated how well he knew her.

"What would you know?" she asked in a tired voice. Still, Sasori moved over to envelop her in his arms. Rocking her back and forth, he let out a big sigh to match his big heart for her.

"Oh, darling. My lying, adorable cousin, I know so much. And I know that it's alright to want to cry when it gets hard," he murmured. When he kissed the top of her head before resting his cheek there.

"How impertinent," she sniffed before she pressed her face into the crook of his elbow.

When Sasori woke in the morning, Sakura was gone. The air smelled sweet and clean in the way that it only did after a night of rain.

"I…am such a wonderful person," he declared to no one in particular.

+++

< Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 9>

[alonely-dreamer]

The Valuable Sun | Chapter 6

Summary: Brooklynne Stackhouse is Sookie and Jason Stackhouse’s little sister. Like her older sibling, she is a telepath, but her powers are far more stronger and far more uncontrollable than her sister’s. After a series of murders in Bon Temps, Sookie takes it upon herself to investigate, taking her younger sister with her in a club called Fangtasia, where they meet vampire and sheriff Eric Northman.

Pairing: Eric x OC

Warnings: 18+ (language, violence, blood)

A/N: Please, note that I am French so there might be some mistakes here and there.

Words: 4860

Schedule: A new chapter will be posted every Monday. Chapter 7 to 10 are available on my Patreon for early and instant access.

Masterlist

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5

Brooklynne had never left Louisiana. She thought she’d be happy to visit another state, but it seemed the silence in her head was heavier than she would have imagined. Her lonely voice wasn’t as pleasant as she’d have thought, especially since she was beating herself up for blindly trusting Eric despite her sister’s advice. Sookie hadn’t mentioned it and the two sisters had barely talked as they were getting ready to leave for Dallas.

They left in the late afternoon, the plane having been delayed for a couple of hours. Bill didn’t feel comfortable leaving Jessica alone in Bon Temps and had taken her with them. The two vampires were resting in their travel coffins while Sookie and Brooklynne enjoyed the private plane Bill had booked, with Eric’s credit-car.

‘Enjoyed’ wasn’t a word neither sisters would have used, however, since neither of them talked to the other. Brooklynne was second guessing herself. What if Sookie were right? What if Adele had had a good reason to keep her inside the house? Maybe she was too naïve to be trusted to make decisions for herself, especially if those decisions led her to another state with a psycho vampire like Eric Northman.

“You’ll get used to it,” Sookie said suddenly, and for once, Brooke had no idea what she was talking about. “Being alone in your head,” she clarified once she saw the confused look on her sister’s face.

“It’s weird. Now it requires effort to listen to other people… I don’t know what to do with my thoughts.”

“Do you still get distracted?”

“Sometimes,” she shrugged.

“Everybody gets distracted sometimes,” Sookie said with a smile. “I still can’t believe you finally managed to control it.”

“I don’t think I did… I think I blocked the voices, but I didn’t control it. I don’t.”

“It will take time. You’ll control it eventually.”

“Can you even control it?”

Sookie sighed. “Sometimes.”

When the plane landed, Sookie was half drunk. She took a bottle of whatever alcohol it was every time the flight attendant asked if she wanted one. Brooke watched as she emptied the small bottles one after the other.

Flying wasn’t as scary as the youngest Stackhouse had previously thought, but she was still relieved to be on the ground once again. She straightened her dress, a white lace skater dress her grandmother had gifted her for her birthday but had never had the occasion to wear. She had borrowed pastel pink pumps from her sister, shoes Sookie hated because of their color and the height of their heels. But Brooklynne didn’t mind standing a little taller, even though her 5’4 sister was shorter than her by 2 inches. She was still no match for the intimidating 6’4 vampire though, not even with the five-inch heels.

Sookie was looking as bright as the sun in her yellow dress and white pumps. She almost tripped as she walked down the stairs, though it could have been the alcohol’s fault more than it was the heels’, or maybe it was a combination of both. Their heels clacked on each step of the metal stairs, but their steps became silent as they reached the ground.

A bald man was waiting for them with a ‘Compton Party’ sign in his hands. The black limo contrasted with the bright white of the room but matched its driver who was also wearing an all-black suit. Brooklynne thought he looked nervous, but Sookie was too inebriated to notice.

“Yoohoo,” she said as she waved at him with a big smile, “that’s us!”

Brooklynne watched as the airport employees took Bill and Jessica’s coffins out of the plane. She wondered how they traveled before they came out to the world and all of these services were publicly available.

“You’re two hours late,” the driver told them, and that could have explained his nervousness. “You were supposed to be here before sundown.”

“We got delayed for takeoff,” Sookie explained.

“Why don’t you go in the limo? I got the A.C cranked up.”

“No, thanks, I’m fine. I’m waiting for my boyfriend to wake up,” she said with a smile as she pointed towards the two coffins behind her.

“Well, you can wait inside, there are cokes in there,” he insisted.

Sookie frowned. She now noticed the pearls of sweat sliding down his temple. She looked up at her sister who had no idea what the man was thinking and liked it that way. For once, however, her uncontrollable ability would have been very helpful.

“Get in the limo, you stupid bitch.”

Sookie gasped as the man’s thoughts resonated inside her head. He then seized her, making Brooke jump at the sudden movement.

“Let me go!” Sookie said as she tried to free herself from his hands.

“Stop it!” Brooke ordered, but for the first time in her life, it didn’t work. Confused by her failed attempt at helping her sister, she didn’t have time to see nor avoid the hand that met with her face violently. A cry of pain escaped her.

“Hey! Don’t touch her!” Sookie snarled.

She was about to kick him somewhere he really wouldn’t have liked but Bill, sensing her fear, appeared suddenly, removing the man’s hands from his girlfriend and seizing him by throat.

“Make a noise and it’ll be your last,” the vampire warned, showing his fangs to prove how serious he was.

Both Sookie and Brooke jumped as a loud noise resonated in the airport. They turned around to see the top of Bill’s coffin bounce on the floor.

“Hey! How the hell does this thing open?” Jessica asked from inside her coffin, which fell off the platform and found a place next to Bill’s.

“Are you okay?” Sookie asked her sister who had a hand on her reddened cheek.

Brooke frowned, ignoring the question. “I don’t understand why it didn’t work.”

“It’s gonna leave a nasty bruise,” Sookie said as she inspected her sister’s cheekbone.

“Do you want me to heal her?” Bill asked.

“No,” she grimaced. She probably didn’t want her sister to have odd dreams about her boyfriend, which they both understood.

“I don’t understand why it didn’t work,” Brooke repeated in a whisper and Sookie ignored her again.

Bill glamoured the man to get in the limo in silence before he helped Jessica out of her coffin. Brooklynne and Sookie sat at the opposite of the car, facing their assailant who was sitting wordlessly as Bill had ordered. Jessica joined them in the car, sitting next to the driver/kidnapper. Bill sat in front of him, ready to glamour his answers away.

“Tell me your name.”

“Leon.”

“Alright, Leon. Everything’s going to be okay.”

Brooklynne watched, still upset by the fact that her power hadn’t worked on Leon. She wondered if that wall she had built inside her head was not only blocking the voices from coming in, but also her powers from coming out. She didn’t know how to feel about it.

Bill slowly moved his eyes from Leon to his progeny, asking her if she wanted to try glamouring him. By the surprised look on her face, Brooke deduced she had never even tried it before.

“Lean in close so you can catch his gaze,” Bill told her as she positioned herself in front of Leon. “Then just let everything go. Let yourself be dead. You are empty. A vacuum. Now you can pull his mind into yours.”

It sounded very different from what Brooklynne usually did when she tried to control herself. She couldn’t let herself go or else who knew where she’d ended up. Physically or mentally. Though, now that she was empty, it seemed that she couldn’t pull anybody’s mind into hers anymore. And she didn’t know if that was a good thing or a bad thing.

Bill left Jessica have a little fun with Leon and came to sit beside his girlfriend. Bill always looked worried, but this time he had a good reason to be.

“This man was sent to abduct you,” he told both sisters. “Which means somebody knew you were coming.”

“Who do you think’s behind it? Vampires?” Sookie asked.

He shook his head. “Too sloppy… Maybe that church?”

“Bill, they may be crazy but they’re still a church. They’re not gonna kidnap anybody.”

The vampire chuckled. “Sookie, churches have done much, much worse throughout history.”

“Eric said he thought humans had taken Godric,” Brooke told them. “Maybe it’s the same humans that tried to take us.”

“It’s possible,” Bill nodded. “I’ll glamour Leon to drive us to the hotel. I’ll inform Eric of what happened when we get there.”

Brooke sighed as she leaned against her seat. She didn’t want to see Eric. Now, she had the clarity of mind to be scared of him. As she should be.

***

The hotel was bigger than any other buildings Brooke had ever laid her eyes on. It was a rectangular big old thing that had just been renovated, or maybe it was brand new and it was designed to look that way, Brooke couldn’t tell. The design inside would give anyone a headache, especially because of the lights. Everything was red, black and golden, but the lights, for some reason, were blue. The walls, the floor, the décor, everything was as similar as it was different. It was all very elegant though somewhat ridiculous. Maybe because they tried to make it appealing to both humans and vampires and it ended up being all nonsense.

Everything went well at the reception, putting aside the room with no bed Eric had booked for Bill and Sookie, which they ended up changing. Brooklynne had a room of her own, which surprised all of them, however Sookie was more than happy to have a room alone with her boyfriend and didn’t complain about it. Brooklynne’s room was bigger than her living room and the bed was gigantic. The design was the same in every room, black and red, no windows, a giant TV on the wall and a bathroom big enough for a shower and a bathtub so big it could have been a hot tub.

Leon’s interrogation didn’t answer all of their questions, but at least answered the biggest one. Who was behind the attempted kidnapping. Bill was very angry at Eric for not letting him know the Fellowship of the Sun was involved in Godric’s disappearance, though there was nothing he could really do about it. The vampire had glamoured Leon to forget they ever arrived at the airport before he let him go.

Alone in her quiet hotel room, Brooklynne decided to do some research on the Fellowship of the Sun. They were a church created by Reverend Theodore Newlin which had just died in a car accident with his wife and their baby daughter. His son Steve was convinced vampires were behind their deaths and took over the church, and resumed spreading his father’s message of hate towards the creatures of the night. The church, which was based here, in Dallas, seemed like a cult to Brooklynne, who wished she could remember why that church sounded so familiar.

She fell asleep a little after midnight, the laptop sliding from her lap and onto the red silk sheets. She had changed into comfortable sleepwear, a pair of pastel blue shorts and an old white crop top which was a little too tight for her now. She was woken up less than an hour later by someone entering the room. She jumped awake as she heard footsteps. Her eyes grew big as she saw Eric standing at the end of the bed. She felt her cheeks redden as his gaze traveled from her bare legs to her exposed belly button to her face.

“Well, don’t you look happy to see me,” he chuckled as he saw the fear in her eyes.

“Wh-what are you doing here?” she asked, enveloping herself in the bedsheets.

“We share a room, didn’t you know?” he said as he took off his black leather jacket, leaving him in his white sleeveless shirt.

“What? Why?”

“It’s cheaper,” he shrugged, though she knew he was lying. He could have booked the entire hotel if he had wanted to, according to Bill. “Besides. You’re in Dallas now. The vampires here are no joke.”

“And you are?” the sassy remark escaped her.

Eric raised an eyebrow, perhaps impressed by her unexpected reply.

“I guess not, or else you wouldn’t be scared of me,” he said with a smile as if he were proud of it.

He threw his jacket on the couch at the corner of the room before he leaned over the bed, placing a knee on the soft mattress, then the other, making his way next to Brooke. He rested his back against the bedframe as he sighed.

“I’ve had a long day. I could use a snack.”

Brooke swallowed as she tried to think of a clever answer, one Sookie would have come up with.

“I am not your dinner,” is all she said.

“No, but you could be my dessert,” he smirked which made her blush again.

She looked away from him, which is when he noticed the bruise on her cheek. He was so fast it made her jump. He seized her chin in his hand, firmly, though not hard enough to hurt her, and made her look at him so he could get a better look.

���What happened?” he asked, the anger in his tone worried her.

“Nothing,” she replied quickly in a whisper. “The man… Leon. He hit me when he tried to take Sookie.”

“And Bill let him go,” he said in disapproval, as if he would have done differently, which she knew he probably would have. “My blood can heal you,” he offered as he released her.

“Your blood can do a lot of things,” she muttered, remembering the side effects Bill’s blood had on Sookie.

“Indeed,” Eric chuckled. “It could lead to a lot of fun.”

“I’m not gonna have sex with you,” she told him, and she expected him to laugh at her, but he merely shrugged.

“Not tonight, maybe not,” he said as he leaned towards her.

She tried to move back as his nose reached her neck, but she was already at the edge of the bed.

“Dangerous walking around vampires not belonging to anyone,” he said with a deep and quiet voice, “my offer still stands.”

“No, thank you,” she told him with a trembling voice.

He chuckled, as if he had expected her to reject him. “Fine, then,” he said, leaning back against the bedframe, “I’ll let you sleep. You’ll need to be well rested tomorrow. We’re meeting with Godric’s people as soon as the sun sets.”

“Why do you care so much about Godric?” she asked, remembering he had once told her vampires only cared about their makers and their progeny.

“I told you, he’s my friend.”

“How long have you known him?”

“A thousand years.”

“A thousand years? Did you make him?”

He chuckled like it was a ridiculous thing to say. “No. He made me.”

Brooklynne wasn’t surprised to hear it. After all it explained a lot. She couldn’t imagine someone who tortured people in his basement would care about others.

“So, he’s your maker. That’s why you care so much about him.”

“Vampires are loyal to their makers. Godric is… the best maker I could’ve asked for.”

She saw he was sincere. It made her wonder. Was Godric as bad as he was? Or was he worse?

“Is he the one who taught you to torture people in your basement?”

He shot her a look and she wondered if she had gone too far.

“You’re still mad about your friend Lafayette?” he asked, like it was something she’d ever get over.

“Of course,” she said as if it was surprising he’d think otherwise.

“Your friend sold and used vampire blood. If I didn’t make an example out of him I would be seen as weak. And I can’t have that.”

“You could have called the police.”

“Yes, I could have,” he nodded. “But I had questions. Questions about Godric.”

“What does Lafayette know about your maker?”

“Nothing, as it turned out. But I still needed to ask.”

“You didn’t need to torture him.”

“No, but it’s always more fun,” he grinned.

Outrage ran through her as she fought back the want to slap him. She clenched her jaw, but then looked away. She slid under the sheets, turned her back towards him and laid down on the bed, indicating the conversation was over.

He chuckled again before he got off the bed. “And a good night to you too, Brooklynne,” he said before he left the room.

***

She woke up around 10AM and was surprised to find Eric sleeping beside her. He had kept his distance and the bed was so big another person could have slept between them without bothering either of them. She didn’t know what to do, she was afraid to move. She didn’t want to wake him up. She wondered how true what Sookie had once told her was. Vampires slept all day, from sunrise to sundown and it took a lot to wake them up. She put that to the test.

She ordered breakfast and Eric slept through it. She took a shower and got dressed and he was still sleeping when she stepped out of the bathroom. Sookie came knocking on her door around noon, to go get lunch downstairs, and he didn’t even move at all. She found it extremely creepy, especially since he looked dead when he was asleep. She didn’t let her sister see the vampire in the room, or else she’ll never hear the end of it, and she didn’t want her to wake him up. She couldn’t get used to the way he was looking at her, like she was his dinner or something he wanted, something he desired to own.

During lunch, Sookie was going and on and on about Barry, a man working in the hotel who happened to be a telepath like them. He seemed to be unable to control his ability, but it wasn’t as bad as it had been for Broolkynne.

“Can he order people around?”

“I asked and he had no idea what I was talking about.”

“I’m worried that… you know… now that I blocked it, I… I just made everything stop.”

“You can’t hear anything at all?”

“No, which is great! But…” she sighed. “I know if I focused I could do it, I just don’t understand why I couldn’t make Leon stop last night!”

“I think you just need to practice. You know, like, before everything was messy inside your head and you had no control over any of it so it kind of just happened, but now that you do, you just need to put more effort into it.”

“Like glamouring… I’ll have to look them in the eyes?”

“Maybe,” Sookie shrugged. “But at least now you can have lunch with me in a restaurant, surrounded by other people,” she smiled as she put her hand over her sister’s.

“I know, it’s weird… I keep forgetting there are other people around us… And then they’ll move, and they’ll scare the hell out of me,” she joked.

“Well, like I said. You’ll get used to it.”

“Maybe I could even get a job. You think Sam needs another waitress?”

“I think you’d be a better bartender.”

They laughed as they talked about the things Brooklynne could do now that she didn’t even dare dream of before. She wondered if the wall would be permanent, if it would stand forever, and what it would take to have it crumble down. She hoped she could at least find herself a job and have a semblance of a normal life.

Eric was still sleeping when she came back into the room. According to Sookie, she could watch TV right next to him and it wouldn’t wake him up. It proved to be true. She was still watching an old soap opera, which she used to watch with her grandmother, when Eric rose from the bed. Like a clock, he opened his eyes when the sun went down. Alerted by the movement behind her, she turned around to see him make his way from the bed to where she was sitting on the couch.

“How do you do that?”

“What?”

“Wake up as soon as it’s dark outside.”

“Habit,” he shrugged. “We can feel it.”

He took a bottle of Tru Blood from the mini fridge before he sat beside her. Brooklynne was surprised he’d drink from a bottle. He saw the look on her face and smirked.

“Unless you want to volunteer?”

“I saw there are people on the menu,” she said, not bothering to hide her disgust.

“Somehow I think you’re not going to appreciate watching me drink from someone.”

She frowned. “That’s very considerate of you.”

“You’re welcome,” he said before he brought the bottle of synthetic blood to his lips. “What are you watching?” he asked, clearly not happy with the program.

“It was Gran’s favorite show,” she explained. “She never missed an episode.”

“You know,” he said, as he put the bottle down on the coffee table before them, “there are more interesting things to watch here.”

“Like what?” she asked, not removing her attention from the nurse crying over her dead boss.

Eric moved closer to her, putting his hand on the arm of the couch, blocking her view to the TV with his face. “I’ll let you take a guess.”

She frowned, thinking about it for a moment before she rolled her eyes. “I’ve been hearing everybody’s dirty thoughts since I was a child. You want to watch porn, there’s a laptop on the nightstand.”

Her surprising response made him laugh. “I forgot how different you are from other humans. Though you do look better than the first time we met. I’ll take credit for that.”

Well, she couldn’t take the credit away. It was him who had taken her to his hellish club and forced her to face the crowd. It was him who had pushed her to try and take control of her powers. Where her entire family had chosen to keep her inside, away from people, he had done the opposite, and it had only taken one night for her to get positive results. Or at least, some results.

“How many vampires will there be at the meeting tonight?”

He looked down at her and saw how worried she was. Well, at least she wasn’t dumb. She was going to have to enter a room filled with vampires and she was right to be nervous. She was smart to be scared.

“Two,” he said, and he saw she was a little reassured.

“And they think the Fellowship of the Sun has Godric too?”

“They suspect, but we have no proof. That’s why you’re here.”

“Do they know… that we’re here to help?”

“Yes. You have nothing to fear from Isabel. I believe she has a human of her own. She is… reasonable.”

“But the other vampire isn’t?”

“You could say that. But if you don’t get in his way, he won’t hurt you. Especially since you’re with me.”

“Doesn’t he want us to help?”

“It would be in his interest if Godric was never found. Stan has ambitions to become a sheriff one day. Besides, he hates humans, and will find the idea to request human help appalling, but he has no power to stop it.”

“So… avoid Stan and trust Isabel, then?”

Eric nodded. “Sounds wise.”

A knock on the door interrupted them. It was time to leave for the meeting and, unsurprisingly, Bill was right on time. The vampire had a lot of qualities and, apparently, punctuality was one of them. When Eric opened the door, he met with a surprised Bill and an angry Sookie. He could already hear her tell him to stay away from her sister.

“Eric,” Bill said. “What are you doing here?”

“Well, it’s my room,” he grinned.

“No. This is Brooke’s room,” Sookie snarled.

“Yes, we’re sharing.”

“And are you sharing the bed too?” Bill asked, knowing it would put Sookie in a rage and already enjoying annoying Eric.

“Don’t worry, it’s a big bed,” Eric winked at the eldest sister.

“You’re getting anoth-“

“We should go,” Brooke interrupted them. It’s not that she wasn’t grateful for her sister’s protection, but she just wished she’d let her take care of herself for once. “We don’t want to be late,” she continued as she appeared next to Eric.

“No. We don’t want to be late,” he said, as he put his hand on her lower back and gently pushed her out of the room.

Sookie gave a “if you hurt her I’m going to kill you and Bill will help” look to Eric which only made the vampire smirk.

“Keep your energy, Sookie. We have a long night and a long day ahead of us.”

And he wasn’t lying.

Stan and Isabel were as different as Eric and Bill. One wanted to shoot first and ask questions later, and the other was smarter. The group from Bon Temps watched as the two underlings argued in Godric’s living room. It was a big house, surprisingly white and bright and with big windows giving a view of the streets. Eric was pacing as he listened to them yell at each other on how to proceed.

“We take them all out at once. Pre-emptive strike,” Stan said with a heavy Texan accent.

“Of course, so the federal government can bomb us back into the Middle Ages!” Isabel replied with a Spanish accent of her own.

Stan scoffed. “Things were better then.”

“Then go to Romania and live in a cave, you ranchero poser!”                      

Eric growled as he picked up a vase from the table beside him and threw it across the room. The sudden burst of anger made Brooke jump. She was standing next to her sister, who was also surprised by the vampire’s reaction.

“Godric has protected you, made you rich, and you stand here spitting and scratching like infants!”

“Don’t any of you care that there’s a traitor in your midst?” Bill asked.

“No,” Stan merely replied like he did, in fact, not care at all, or maybe he just didn’t believe it.

“Impossible,” Isabel rejected the idea.

“Someone tried to kidnap me and my sister from the airport,” Sookie told them.

“You were the only ones that knew they were coming.”

“Explain,” Eric ordered them as he placed himself near Brooklynne.

“Unless it was you,” both Stan and Isabel told each other in unison.

“Look, if y’all argue anymore, I’m either gonna fall asleep or start screaming so this is what we’re gonna do,” Sookie told them, ignoring the look her sister was giving her. Brooke didn’t imagine using that kind of tone was smart, especially if she were going to tell two vampires what to do. “We’ll infiltrate the Fellowship of the Sun.”

A plan both sisters had agreed to at lunch. It seemed like the only way to make themselves useful and to actually get results.

“Absolutely not!”

Sookie obviously hadn’t shared her plans with Bill.

“Let her speak,” Eric said, to Bill and Stan’s dismay.

“Since Bill glamoured the kidnapper, no one there knows who we are. We’ll pretend we want to join the church and check out all their thoughts.”

“No. During the day, none of us can help you,” Bill told her.

“It’ll only take a little while. Really, Bill it’s simple.”

Stan shook his head. “Waste of time,” he growled as he started walking away. “I want no part of this.”

Isabel wasn’t sad to see him go. “There’s no easier way to find out if they’re involved.”

“If it leads us to Godric, we’ll do it,” Eric nodded. “The decision is made.”

Brooklynne already felt a headache coming as Bill and Sookie started to argue. But as the vampire had learnt to know, he couldn’t tell Sookie what to do, and he couldn’t stop Eric from getting what he wanted. Something Sookie was coming to learn as well since no matter what she said and how loud she said it, Eric wouldn’t agree to book himself another room.

“Your sister is quite annoying,” the vampire complained as he closed the door to their room, after Bill had pulled Sookie away into theirs.

“She doesn’t like you,” Brooke replied as she was looking through her luggage for better sleepwear, something less revealing than she was wearing last night. Unfortunately, she had only packed dresses and shorts.

“I’ve noticed.”

Brooke went into the bathroom without saying another word. She took a long shower, hoping that when she’d come out, Eric would be gone. And maybe he had read her mind, or he had important things to take care of, but when she stepped back into the room, he was gone. She slid under the bedsheets, relieved to be alone, and slept the entire night, undisturbed.

**********

Tags: @thepoet1975 @nerdysandwichqueen @catchmeupimgettingoutofhere @raegan-hale @colie87

[complicatedandstained]

The Other Day at Hot Topic: Man Crush Thursday

“Caption:” Demyx announces, reading his handiwork from the screen of his phone with the zeal of someone reading a marquee on Broadway blazing with bulbs. “Up-and-coming rockstar, Roxas, rocking his new #TheOrganization swag @a-nobody-named-roxas 

...

#ManCrushThursday #RockBand #Music #Keys #Singer #EmoKid #SkaterBoi #SeeYouLaterBoy #[KissyFaceEmoji]”

Roxas blanches. He’s not sure which of the hashtags to take issue with first. Possibly the Avril Lavigne lyrics which Sora had sung to him a thousand times too many when they were in junior high. 

Vanitas has no such reservations. “Man Crush Thursday is not a thing,” he objects unhelpfully, straightening a particularly disorganized box of Snickers bars below the counter. He’s crouched close enough to be involved with the conversation, far enough away that he can stay out of what he wants to and look busy while doing it. 

“I’m a trendsetter, Vani,” Demyx insists, artfully plumping his elaborate hairstyle. 

“Is that what that is…” Vanitas mutters, his trail off a sign he’s remembering his recent decision to try to behave himself. 

“Excuse me?” Demyx sounds affronted but the corner of his lip curls up, reassuring Roxas that the David Bowie look-a-like standing before him doesn’t give a shit about Vanitas’ good opinion, or, quite possibly, anyone’s at all.

Vanitas pretends he is too far away to catch this last bit and attempts to look busy with the Twizzlers, so Demyx angles his phone at Roxas again.

 “Demyx.” Roxas warns, managing to shift his Organization swag into one arm and, with the other, reaching out to lower Demyx’s phone. He’s afraid of what fresh horrors another five minutes on Instagram will bring. “I don’t think I should be getting my picture posted while I’m at work. From what I’ve seen of Saïx so far, he will fire me and then roast marshmallows over my corpse.” 

Already, Roxas can hear the beginnings of the sharp lecture that will no doubt proceed his slow demise.

“That’s what you’re worried about getting fired over?” Vanitas mutters, gesturing at Roxas critically with one of the Snickers bars. “Really?”

 Not a word, Roxas is about to bite back, but the sound freezes up in his throat, as Demyx laughs easily and slips his phone out of Roxas’ grip and into an over-large athletic short pocket.

“Relax, boys. Saïx is living that social media free life. It’s like…” Demyx swishes his hand around as if to illustrate that he has no idea what he’s talking about, “a positive mental health thing.”

 “I’d like to live a Demyx-free life,” Vanitas tells a box of Sour Patch Kids, as he removes it from the Skittles carton. “As a positive mental health thing.”

Roxas unconsciously reflects that Vanitas is not unlike a Sour Patch Kid. First, he’s sour, then he’s uncomfortably sticky, gooey, and difficult to get off the bottom of your shoe. 

Roxas glances to Demyx for a reaction and is, again, a little impressed to find none at all. Roxas thinks he might have to take a page out of his book. 

Instead, Demyx’s eyebrows have darted up, one pierced and glinting, and then he’s scrambling to search through the Organization swag bag that Roxas had wrongfully assumed had been fully emptied into his arms.   

“Oh no,” Demyx grumbles good naturedly, “Saïx! The stickers!” Finding nothing in the bag, Demyx reaches out and plucks a few of the stickers from Roxas’ hand. “I’m going to need some of these back—for Saïx. He’s a huge The Organization fan, you know…” 

Roxas doubts this, judging by Saïx’s reaction to Demyx’s on-the-clock recruitment process, but he already knows better than to express such doubts to Demyx. 

As Demyx shuffles through the designs, he tilts his hand to Vanitas, crouching down to retrieve a pair of Bendy and the Ink Machine socks somebody had dropped at check out. “Vani, you want a sticker?”

“What am I, a kid at the dentist’s office?” Vanitas gripes without looking up from his work. “Leave me out of this.”   

“And Saïx is out today, right?” Demyx frets, glancing around the store as if the man might be lurking in the shadows of an anime display. Satisfied, he nods to himself. “Guess I’ll have to stick them into his mailbox or run them over to—” “Axel?” Vanitas interrupts, casually straightening from his crouch, and tossing the socks over his shoulder, where they land surprisingly neatly on the checkout counter. He turns to face a mildly surprised Demyx head on.

The store may be close to 80 degrees, but Roxas feels like he’s just stepped under an AC vent roaring full blast. 

Vanitas had threatened to get the next employee to come in to confirm that Axel and Saïx are far more than just friendly. And Demyx and Axel seem close, so if he says they are, no jokes, then there can be no doubting it... 

But there’s no way… 

“Well, yeah,” Demyx’s smile is nervous, twitchy, like it had been when he’d last seen Saïx in person. He flutters the stickers in the air, and one floats to the ground. “I mean, hell, he’s definitely the more approachable of the two.”

“Hey, Demyx…” Vanitas sidles up to his side, movements languid, seamlessly smooth, predatory, and voice even more so, as he wraps an arm around the man’s back and gives it a friendly squeeze. “You and Axel have been friends for a long time, right?” Demyx smiles broader even as his brow furrows, glancing down to Vanitas’ eyes. “Um,” he clears his throat. “Yeah? Yeah, man, he was one of the first people to join The Organization.” He pats Vanitas on the back. “We wouldn’t be a band without him.”

Vanitas nods and removes his arm. “You’re just now finding out Saïx is a fan? He’s been with Axel that whole time, hasn’t he?”

No way I could be this wrong about them… 

Roxas bites his bottom lip and watches Demyx carefully. 

Because that would mean I was a total prick to Axel. 

And he was so nice to me back, that I didn’t even realize it. 

“Well,” Demyx relaxes into the gossip and tilts his head, wading through the memories, the flop of his hair while he does it reminding Roxas of a droopy-eared dog, “give or take a few little hiccups. But who hasn’t got those, am I right?” His smile fades as he glances to Vanitas only to find him locking eyes with Roxas. Demyx’s easy tone falters. “Why?”

Hiccups? Roxas’ chest aches like he’s been carrying something simultaneously too heavy and too hot.

Vanitas’ smile is confident, more than a little vindictive.

“You’re… you’re joking.” Roxas’ breath catches, replaying the way he’d insulted Saïx earlier over in his head, and then trying to picture Axel and Saïx together. Polar opposites, but he has to admit, they’d look gorgeous side by side… Tall, muscular, intimidating, hair like fire and ice...  And they had been on that dumb orientation video together and… and Axel had kept telling Roxas ‘I help Saïx run his life.’  “You and Axel were just joking. Axel and Saïx aren’t really… together… are they?” 

“Why?” Demyx’s good humor drops off entirely now. “Was Axel messing with you?” He rolls his eyes toward the heavens like he’s pleading for Axel’s soul, his hair flopping again.  His voice takes on an edge both hard and pleading, “He can be kind of a jerk that way. He just doesn’t even think—” “No.” Roxas shakes his head quickly, and Demyx’s frustration drops off at once, if a bit warily. Out of the corner of his eye, Roxas can see Vanitas’ eyes flitting between the two of them, brown, but he remembers them earlier, flashing gold in the light. This unnerves him all the more as he tries to replay Axel’s words in his head. “No, no, Axel said…”

‘He is smart... successful... built like a tank…’ Axel’s green eyes had flicked playfully, scanning his face, trying to decide if Roxas believed him. 

“But… they’re so…” Roxas shakes his head again, feeling his mouth dip open, and hang there. ‘Different’ doesn’t feel like a strong enough word. 

‘Well, they say opposites attract…’

Axel’s taunting smile is beginning to take on a new meaning in Roxas’ head, and something in his stomach starts to constrict. 

“Hey.” Demyx shakes his head, irritation slipping off, as he shrugs. “Don’t look at me, man. I don’t get it either.” 

Roxas stares intently at Demyx for a minute and then cracks a smile. He grew up with Sora, after all, ever the practical joker. And he had heard them joking about Saïx before. He knows it. “You’re all screwing with me, right?” 

If it’s true, and Axel tells Saïx what I said about him, I can kiss this job good bye. 

Demyx glances at Vanitas who shrugs a shoulder himself, and insists, “I already tried to tell him.” 

Demyx’s brow furrows, and he hesitates, head shaking just slightly. He puts on a soft, almost of a smile. “See for yourself, buddy.” Demyx taps at his phone for a few more seconds and then hands it to Roxas.

Roxas has trouble making his fingers wrap around the thing. He hopes Demyx can’t see his arm shaking. His examination of the phone screen is anticlimactic, however. The Instagram search screen is up and Demyx has filled it in, but not yet hit ‘enter.’ 

“flurryofdancingflames?” Roxas reads, confused. “Is this Axel’s username?” 

Demyx forgets his irritation, whether real or feigned, upon hearing this, and claps Roxas on the shoulder. “Yeah, see how his handle is so much awesomer than yours because I came up with it?” At Roxas’ continued confusion, Demyx clarifies, “Originally his account was just to post videos of his fire-dancing.” Vanitas laughs, but it’s not a friendly thing. “Now who’s screwing with Roxas?” “I’m serious! He took most of them down, but I bet I can find at least a couple—” Demyx takes back the phone before Roxas has got up the nerve to press the search button, and in a few seconds, he has a still pulled up. The background is ink black, but Axel’s impossibly lanky silhouette is as unmistakable as the dark gold and amber glint of his hair, even tied off in a knot. His back arches, catlike as he swirls rings, frozen in the frame above his body, the yellow light gleaming off every inch of him not covered with fabric or tattoo. And to top it off, he’s grinning like a sinner straight at the cameraman, and now in this moment, straight at Roxas.   

Roxas’ throat feels dry and his heartbeat starts to pick up at a steady pace. “Oh,” says Roxas. Oh. 

“Impressive, right? Here.” Demyx taps the screen and a ghostly white arrow appears over the fire dancer. He taps it again and the video begins to play.  

[luna--reading]

[PICK A CARD] How does he/she feel about me and what do they want to say to me?

Hello lovelies~ ♡

This is a pick a card reading for “How does your person feels about you and what do they want to say to you?”. I picked a total of 4 cards as well as 4 clarifiers and some poker cards to illustrate what they want to say to you if they can!

Do take what resonates because this is after all a general reading so it can’t possibly resonate with everyone. If you’d like a more personalised reading, do DM me as I’m currently doing free reading (as I’m still in the process of learning).

So take a few minutes to mediate on these 3 piles:

I am love and miracles are natural.

The presence of love will always cast out fear.

There is a stream of love supporting my dreams.

Once you’re ready, just scroll below to find the reading that you have chosen!

You can always leave a comment or simply like the post if it resonates with you, thank you so much~ ♡♡♡

Pile 1:

They see you as someone who is very intuitive and keeps to yourself at times. But they also see you as someone who is willing to bide your time for something that you think is worth it. In other words, you won’t settle for anything less than you deserve. Truthfully, they think of you all the time – they think of having this happy, balanced relationship with you. And to them, they see this relationship for the long run. They might not have been truthful with you in terms of their feelings with the 7 of spades (I’m sorry I wasn’t truthful to you) and that could be because they feel like they weren’t at their best yet. Or at least, they feel like they weren’t at the best that you wanted with the 4 of hearts (I am not at my best YET). They feel very strongly for you and they know that you are the one that they want. This strong feeling sometimes makes them feel fearful, with the 8 of spades (I feel powerless within me when I’m with you) and it makes them feel hesitant to make that step forward, since they feel that you deserve someone better than them. But they are dying to make that move, to communicate with you. I see this relationship slowly taking that step forward with the Page of Cups and The Magician – where either one or both of you are slowly trying to manifest each other into your lives. It might be a very small offer but as both of you are willing to take that step, it will slowly manifest into the something more worth it. So, even though you might feel like this offer is coming in very slowly (with his no communication/no offer) – because there is a lot of pentacles energy (Virgo, Capricorn, Taurus), trust that they do feel something for you and they are taking this slow approach to improve themselves so as to feel like they are a match for you.

Pile 2:

For this reading, I see this as the both of you might be in separation or no-communication state. They see you as someone who overthinks a lot, like a lot and this could be due to the external influences around you (i.e friends, family, colleagues). In actual fact, these external influences could have affected your relationship because it seems like you are always seeking advices from others and doing what others think is right for you, instead of what you think is right for yourself. They want you to know that these external influences see things from an outside perspective and they are not fully understanding the whole situation. To them, he might seem too busy for you but what he wants to tell you is with the 9 of clubs and 10 of clubs that (I have my other priorities because I am trying my hardest for me, for you, for us.) They are trying their best working on themselves, their finances, their careers because they want the best for your future. They think of you as very naïve and might have a little immaturity within you because they feel like you are not trying your best to defend for this relationship. This could be due to you placing your trust too much on those external influences that you don’t see how this relationship could work out in other ways. They feel deeply for you (but not in a very positive way, especially with the Ten of Swords in reversed), they are unable to let go of the hurt that you had given them as much as they know that there is a need for resolution, especially with the 6 of spades (I don’t want to let go). These deep feelings mainly revolve around feeling betrayed and while they know that they should have an end to this, have closure, they find it hard to do so, mainly because they did have strong feelings for you previously. However, I see that they are willing to work hard, plant the seeds and wait for the relationship to blossom and grow again. They are willing to make that effort to achieve that peace and harmony within this relationship because you are their wish fulfilment and with the 8 of clubs (I want to be with you NOW). They probably can’t stand this separation/no-communication state and they want you to know that this is just another obstacle for both of you to go through in this relationship and that love conquers all fear. So, maybe it’s time to re-evaluate those “advices” that you seek from others and ask yourself if those advices are really what benefits you, benefits your partner, benefits this relationship. Whether those people truly understand what is going on in this relationship. Understand that your partner feels this deep connection with you, which is probably why the Ten of Swords came out because I see him unable to pull out completely (or even attempt to pull out of this relationship) because of those deep loving feelings they have for you.

Pile 3:

They see you as someone who is currently through a very hard time as you release any limiting beliefs as well as unhealthy attachments. They might also see you as someone with a bit of pride in you, and always refusing to request help from others and they are asking you to rely on them with the Queen of Diamonds (You can always depend on me!), if you were to ever need help. You might also be someone who is very emotional detached right now and that is probably because you are currently working on something, be it if it’s yourself, your finances or your career. With Karma/Devil as well as King of Clubs (You are very hot), they might see you as someone who is very attractive, very hot, very seductive. And in actual fact, they do think a lot about you, because they think of you as their wish fulfilment. They think that you might be someone that they can offer that cup of love to and that they want to make that step forward to bring that cup of love to you, especially with the 10 of Hearts (You make me feel completed!!). They feel like whatever connection both of you have previously, or even ongoing, is just an unfinished business and they are taking their time to re-evaluate on this situation on how to approach you in a better manner. They might seem like they are taking a break from you, in fact, maybe because they stopped texting you, or they stopped flirting with you but actually, they are waiting to see if you are willing to make that step forward to them. The Magician is here to reassure you that as long as you are willing to make that effort, you would be able to get what you have been hoping to manifest and that change is coming. You might be overthinking too much, with the Nine of Swords, of possible failures which result in you unable to take that step forward. But trust that your partner wants you to know that he is only taking this break to plan for their future, with this 2 of Clubs (I am preparing a future for us) and that he is someone you can really depend on with the Queen of Diamonds. So, trust in yourself and do not overthink too much because they might act like they don’t care right now (and I know it can be a little confusing after a period of flirting and what not) but they are changing their strategies on how to face this relationship or even just focusing on how to build this future for you, so that you are willing to trust them entirely to begin on this new relationship. You should always focus on your own healing and as long as you start to love yourself, you will soon see the worth in yourself for someone else to love. You might not think highly of yourself but believe me, there is always someone out there who thinks the world of you and that person might be the person you’re thinking of currently.    

[ganymedesclock]

So, my first real Castlevania thought that makes itself into a post is about Trevor.

I already thought the conversation between Trevor and Sypha’s grandfather / the elderly Speaker was interesting in how they mutually had a point. Trevor’s comment about how evil flourishes because normal people stand by is met by the fact that those bystanders aren’t just doing this because of comfort- they’re afraid and they’re being manipulated. That doesn’t absolve them of all culpability- during Lisa’s execution we see common people reacting with joy, relief, happiness, and in Gresit, the bishop’s aides were very easily able to use the common people as their execution weapon against the Speakers.

However, that line gets some very interesting new context during the scene when Trevor whips those same people into a demon-slaying militia in minutes.

Because frankly, all along, under the apathy Trevor feigns, there’s this fact that he’s incredibly interpersonally attuned. He pays attention to people. Even when he limps into Gresit looking for food, the first thing he does in the marketplace is get a high vantage point and look over everything, and then we get an extended montage of him not even talking to people as much as just listening- commenting where it’s appropriate, offering little of his own opinions. A friend of mine described it as feeling like a game where you wander around town and listen to the NPCs- and if you think about the role NPC chatter like that tends to serve, it says something very interesting about what Trevor’s doing. He rapidly gathers a huge amount of information that, for the rest of the season, he keeps acting on.

But the powerful thing this lends to Trevor’s remark about being a bystander is that what makes him effective as a leader is that he’s got a knack for seeing the power people have, whether or not they’re utilizing it. He skimmed a disorganized mob, noted a bunch of pitchforks and spears, and went “well, now, that could be a respectable line of pikes if you put them in order.”

He takes a group of panicked people- people who have been raided nightly for a while, who are not at their best and brightest, and gives them precise, efficient instructions that are very easy to follow. When he calls for pikes, he clarifies it quickly, before anyone responds in confusion.

And that’s even the main asset he plies against his enemies, such as the cyclops or the aide in question- he keeps tabs on what they’re capable of, what they do, and what they avoid. What does their equipment, their tactics, say about them, how does this seem to their surroundings.

And I guess the interesting thing is- Trevor’s charisma, his decisive actions as a leader- are actively built on what would at a glance appear to be a back-seat position. He spends a lot of time observing, tallying- often pointing out with casual remarks- and just listening, but, when it’s crunch time he already has a huge number of pieces to build off of. Putting it in terms of my archetypes post, Trevor is a really interesting case of a Paragon character who uses a lot of the tools of a Heart. At the end of the day, it’s his ideals he lives by (whether or not he particularly wants to) but he is able to compel people to those ideas by using impressive charisma and interpersonal connections.

Which is really interesting, because, he’s probably the last person who would describe himself as charismatic or leader material.

[ disclaimer I have not watched s2 yet and I do like to check the notes / reblogs so please don’t give me spoilers ]

[leta-the-strange]

Spoiler-free COG feelings/essay/thoughts before I see the movie. Spoiler-free because the movie isn’t out here til the end of the week but obviously, I’ve picked up info from trailers and interviews and things like that so sort of common knowledge stuff but I guess if you’ve avoided all the promos for the year I wouldn’t want to ruin it for you now so don’t read until after you’ve seen it if that’s the case (again, I only know basic info).

I have a lot of feelings that I’ve been sitting on for a while because frankly, large parts of the Fantastic Beasts and Harry Potter fandom terrify me. It’s why in my nineteen years (okay, thirteen years – I had to learn how to read) I’ve distanced myself from engaging in the fandom too much and when I do, I try and stick to as safe, neutral content as possible.

But I’m going to write a little bit a lot (my anxiety’s poppin off the charts right now) not to antagonise anyone or personally offend people just to get this pent up crap off my chest before I see the movie. 

I have Māori and Pākehā parentage. Although I am proud to be a Māori girl and I’m definitely not white-passing, I do acknowledge that out of my family, I was born with the lightest skin and being a lighter-skinned/mixed poc among my family and friends has made me recognise my privilege. That isn’t to say I haven’t experienced lifelong struggles with racism, bullying and discrimination but I will never experience the same micro-aggressions and experiences that they have. Although, I do have light-skinned privileges and I don’t ever want to take away the struggles of my family that I won’t experience on the same level, growing up looking a little different opened me up a lot of feelings of invalidation within my own culture. When I experienced racism as a child, I was also met with disdain for being upset about it when I wanted to talk about it. This was when I was a child and I didn’t understand lighter skinned privilege or the animosity from some of my own people. I am far more educated now, but during that confusing time I, like most children, turned to literature (which in turn is what helped me make sense of the world).

I’ve gotten a little off track – this isn’t overly important to what I’m writing about, but it is introducing my opinion as coming from a woman of colour who has experienced racism and horrible bullying, but I always feel the need to clarify my position as a lighter skinned poc before giving my opinion based on those experiences.

Obviously from my content, I love Leta Lestrange. Perhaps it started out as a matter of representation, but I feel like over the past year, I have become intrigued with her for a number of reasons. She’s striking me as a Sirius, Regulus and Andromeda Black type character. Different to her family and caught in a struggle of light and dark (magic, not skin colour). Loves magical creatures. I haven’t seen it yet but it seems like she is one of the centre point characters of the film. She seems to be connected to many of the main characters in one way or another and has always striked me as the most intriguing.

I really do hope I am wrong but the ‘other’ love interest’s in the Harry Potter universe are usually treated terribly. They experience character assassination to further the development of the canon/new interest.

I really hope this film doesn’t do the whole blow out a woc character to make the white, self-insert, classically beautiful, ‘im not like other girls’ character shine brighter.

Before everyone comes for me, I wouldn’t say I’m a Tina ‘anti’ whatever that is. There’s no like extreme hatred at all! I would say I don’t like Tina as a character, or Queenie for that matter. Not yet anyway. The new trailer gives me hope that this movie might win me over finally. It doesn’t need to be upsetting or offensive to anyone. There are lots of people out there with favourite and not-so-favourite characters. A lot of people dislike Ron, Dumbledore, Snape, even Harry…and there are people who have those characters as their favourite.  

There are a lot of reasons I don’t like Tina and Queenie. I may address them in a different post if being vague upsets people more than going in-depth but at this point, I am trying to stay as unconfrontational as possible but I have seen people get extremely furious when they don’t deem your reason for disliking them to be ‘good enough’ so if not saying exactly what I find uncomfortable about them is not as preferable as telling people then I can write it up as respectfully as possible if I’m treated the same way. All I’ll say is that I think Tina is a good person, but, in my opinion, not a great character. Queenie is the opposite. I would not like Queenie as a person but I have to admit, she’s a good character. But I’ll hold the rest of my opinions until after the second film. 

Honestly, the film adaptions leave some of my favourite book characters to be desired. Maybe if FB was a novel, I’d like Tina but I really dislike her in the movies. I have seen people blow up when this is said. I try to understand the outrage. I think one of the reasons I dislike Tina is one of the reasons why people love her. She is, at this point and in my opinion (which is ONLY an opinion), a self-insert character. Any Newt x Reader fanfiction can easily read as a Newtina fanfiction and vice versa. I know. Because I’m a FB fanfiction writer myself and tried to write her. Sometimes when you attach yourself to a character so much, it can feel personally offensive when someone says something as harmless such as they don’t like then. I don’t experience this as often. Every Reader/OC fanfiction is, perhaps unintentionally, but nearly always aimed at a white person in description. In actuality, nearly every character in literature is, intentionally or not, described with textbook white features or assumed white by the fandom/readers/watchers.

I know people are going to hate this opinion because I’ve seen people jump down other people’s throats when this gets brought up. I do believe, whether it is conscious or not, Leta not being white COULD, subconsciously, be a factor as to why she is so inherently hated. I’ve seen more hate for Leta than any other character – even the antagonist! I hate what they did to Lavender Brown, book and movie wise, but even she, being as over exaggeratedly unlikable as a romantic plot device, received and still receives far less fandom hate than Cho Chang (who was also eventually written to be ‘jealous, hysterical, unlikeable’, etc, etc – I don’t agree btw I love, understand and appreciate Cho and Lavender)  who was smart, talented, kind, traumatised, and until it was no longer convenient to the main characters romance for her to be ‘likeable’ anymore.

I wish I could enjoy going through the Leta tag but often, her and Newt can’t even be in a scene or photo together and people lose their minds with anger and hate. Literally, the comments on any scene/photo they are in are all along the lines of ‘stay away from newt!/poor tina/urgh, don’t flirt leta/leta WHAT ARE YOU DOING?’. Sorry, to break it to you guys but it isn’t a love triangle. It’s a love conga line. The only person getting in the way of ‘Newtina’ is Newt. Instagram is even worse. By worse, I mean horrible beyond belief. The better comments are the ones are the ones merely (though still grossly) comparing her to Tina and how much they dislike her, the other ones are wishes that she’ll get killed or join Grindelwald. It’s literally not even hidden the fact they wish either of these things happen so Newtina can happen faster. I’m not a Newtina shipper at all (Yet. Again, this might change if the films improve) but this would be one of the worst ways to further your ship. That is literally not going to change the fact that Newt’s still in love with her (you can have feelings for two people at the same time. The filmmakers confirmed - in fact, one of the first things about the new movie that they confirmed - that Newt is ‘absolutely still in love with her’), it just makes her conveniently unattainable. I do have a feeling that Leta might die and if it happens, it better not be because she’s unwillingly in the way of a ‘love triangle’ that people have forced these three characters into. If Newtina is going to happen in a way that isn’t awful, rushed and horrible, it will be slow-burn and it’s in own time AFTER Newt has healed and properly fixed things with Leta. You can’t be best friends and in love with someone for 15+ years and fall out of love with them immediately after they die, turn bad and settle for a woman you met for like two days and collectively spent maybe ten hours with. It might be a Ron/Hermione situation where it’s slow and eventual. That’s the only way I could possibly get on board and I think it could be done tastefully if they don’t resort to lazy writing. I do have my fingers crossed I’ll start to like the Goldsteins before this happens and I can enjoy it as much as everyone else does.

To be honest, after seeing the trailers, I see only two endings for Leta (and I hate them BOTH):

She joins Grindelwald: If this is the plot twist, it’s the shittiest plot twist ever. Pretty much 90% of the fans since seeing the first film have assumed/liked to believe she’s pure evil. Probably the characters themselves all assume she’s evil from her last name. I was worried the whole ‘haha, I was on Grindelwald’s side all along!’ situation was going to happen. We know JK hates Slytherins. My ‘Leta joins Grindelwald’ theory would be that she has always been on the good side – or trying to be – and after YEARS of oppression and discrimination and being distrusted by maybe the central characters in this film no matter how hard she tries AND maybe finally realising that Newt isn’t going to ever forgive her she just snaps and goes all ‘f*ck you guys then’ (I wouldn’t blame her tbh). HOWEVER, I doubt this. In a trailer, you literally see Leta THROW a fucking spell STANDING BY HERSELF (what u doin bby?) at Grindelwald. Trust me, if this was Tina it would have been all everyone was talking about but of course the fandom was all ‘yeah, see, she’s in the same frame as Grindelwald SHE’S EVIL’. One of the trailers is literally titled Leta vs. Grindelwald. Everything in the trailers/promos points to Queenie joining Grindelwald but *shrugs, I guess*.

Leta dies: I get this may seem the preferable way to appease the Leta haters and the Leta lovers especially if she dies after redeeming herself or heroically or whatever but urgh, no. I know everyone’s like ‘DoNt MAKe ThIS AbOUT RaCe’ when the woc character inevitably is killed but I’m sorry. To have been able to sit in a theatre as a little girl and see Leta Lestrange in the wizarding world would have blown my tiny mind. Honestly, as an older teen seeing Zoe Kravitz in that little photo frame in Newt’s case in the first film was iconic enough for me. After growing up being made to believe I was ‘unattractive’ because of how I looked, seeing total dreamboats like Callum Turner and Eddie Redmayne’s characters being all heart-eyes over Leta is, like...wow!  And I do have an uncomfortable truth for people who want Leta to die. That would possibly be the WORST thing to happen for the Newtina thing (would pretty much be the last nail in the coffin for me ever coming around to it). I’ve seen it happen in my family when someone you love dies. Your feelings for them essentially FREEZE. You can’t fall out of love with someone who is dead. That’s of course not to say that you don’t love again and just as much as the first time. But it takes time (LOTS of it) and there’s a little part of your heart that’s like…permanently sealed off. I don’t even like Newtina yet and I’m hoping for the sake of the Newtina fans that Leta doesn’t die because freakin’ yikes. Just let them heal and connect and be besties again goddammit, its POSSIBLE (and bet your ass I’ll write it my god damn self to prove it if they don’t). 

I know these are highly unpopular opinions and I HOPE that I am wrong, and they do her character justice and don’t discard her via death or the dark side.

In summary, I suppose my biggest struggle with Leta’s character is definitely the overwhelming fandom hate which I still can’t quite comprehend. I really want to believe it isn’t a race thing. Though, I have seen horrible posts about Leta, mean comments on nearly every Leta promo, Zoe Kravitz literally being called a c*nt in the comments of a Leta post on tumblr, a lot of fanfictions having her be primarily evil, selfish, manipulative, in some a rapist even, ugly, cruel, etc. But honestly, she’s literally not interfering in Newt having a relationship with anyone at all??? She’s literally been villainised because her friend can’t get over her (getting Snily nostalgia). But buggered if I’ve been able to find next to anything of that calibre about Jacob’s fiancée (literally a Queenie doppelganger) who left him, like, the day he met Queenie. I get that it was a deleted scene for those non-hardcore fans, but Leta-hate was literally kicked off by a picture in a photo frame and a comment made by a, in my opinion, kind of not-nearly-as-infallible-as-people-think character that barely knows Newt breaking into his head non-consensually (after being repeatedly told not to) who had an agenda to hook him up with her sister. Sooo…*shrugs*.

Even I personally have tried to keep out of the fandom debates, but I wrote a Leta and Newt story (still ongoing) that I stopped for a while because the kind of disgusting comments I was receiving about people hating the pairing. Which, I get. You don’t like a pairing, that’s cool? Why are you going and seeking out a piece about them and then taking the time to leave a comment? Whenever I start to read a story about Leta being this horrific monster of a person and being torn apart and compared and occasionally borderline racist, I just…click out? I know it’s only a small patch of weeds in what is likely a garden of roses, but I have never come across such an insecure fandom for a literal canon ship. If the relationship was that pure and strong, you wouldn’t feel the need to kill or villainise the (non-existent) ‘threat’. I just hope the writers feel the same way. You can write healthy closures and strong women of colour characters without casting them aside for plot development/man pain/stereotypical Caucasian romance/plot device, etc... I’m going to go into the theatre at the end of the week slightly optimistic to be fair but I’m also fully expecting to be disappointed but honestly, Leta could avada kedavra every character and she’s still going to be my favourite, I don’t make the rules. 

[intothemysticfic]

Insecurities (GOT7)

AN: I realized too late that numbering the options for the 30 day challenge was misleading and I want to clarify that the numbers do not indicate the order reactions/scenarios will be posted. With that being said lets get started!

JB/Jaebum: At first when he notices you spending extra time standing in front of the mirror before getting dressed he thinks nothing of it. However, as it becomes a common occurrence he would pay closer attention not liking the way you scowl at your reflection while pinching at various parts of your body. He’s suspicious so he asks bluntly what you’re doing and doesn’t believe you for a second when you try to act like it isn’t a big deal. The next time he catches you in front of the mirror he joins you, wrapping his arms around you from behind. Meeting your gaze in the mirror he caresses every curve of your body, traces every blemish while patiently pointing out all the things he loves about you.

Jinyoung: The house is quite when he enters; it surprises him because you normally leave the T.V on or music playing no matter what you’re doing. He searches the house, the kitchen where you love to sit on the counter munching on food the nook in the living room widow where you curl up to read the bedroom thinking you might be taking a nap, but he doesn’t find you. Calling out he hears a commotion from behind the cracked bathroom door. He’s worried as he pushes the door open, more so when he notes the wet streaks down your face that you hastily wipe at. “Baby,” he approaches you slowly, “what’s wrong?” You swallow thickly trying to clear your throat of the sob lodged there. He persists, pulling you close to him, “tell me what happened?” It’s silly you think, letting what other people think get to you, worrying Jinyoung with your own insecurities. You unintentionally blurt, “You’re too handsome for me.” He lets out a startled laugh confused about why that would make you cry but he’s quick to catch on. “Hey,” he starts seriously, “that will never be true.” He’s quick to scold you for such thoughts, quicker to reassure you that you are beautiful and worthy.

Mark: Setting at your kitchen table surround by project work you felt overwhelmed. You had gotten into college on a lucrative scholarship. At this moment you couldn’t fathom how you had beaten out all the other students because you couldn’t do this. It had to have been a fluke, a mistake that you had gotten in. You were so overwhelmed that you didn’t hear Mark come in until he spoke, didn’t realize you were crying until he brushed away the tears. “What’s wrong?” You shook your head, “I shouldn’t have gotten in - I’m not smart enough.” He pulls a chair close when he sits down his legs are pressed against your chair. “That’s not true - you’re the smartest person I know.” When you choke back a sob he pulls you into his chest. “You can do this.” The two of you stay like that for a long time with him whispering praise into your ear until the tears stop and you start to think that maybe he could be right. At the very least you agree to try your best no matter what the end result.

Jackson: Sometimes it puts you on edge the way Jackson easily makes close friends, even though you know it shouldn’t. You trust Jackson but you know it could be easy to mistake his style of friendship with flirting. You know some people like to read his kindness for more. It shouldn’t get to you because you trust Jackson but you see the way some people look at him, hear the way they shamelessly come on to him. It gets to you. It makes you dream up possibilities, fills your head with doubts. You question if you’re enough. You ask yourself if he loves you enough. He turns the people away when you’re there to see, shuts them down politely when you’re around to hear but what about when you’re not with him. You pull away from him. At first he doesn’t pay it much attention but he becomes concerned the longer it drags out until he confronts you. He asks, “Do you not care about me anymore?” It breaks you heart because that is your fear. “Shouldn’t I be asking you that?” It confuses him and he racks his brain looking for the mistake he must have made. “There’s so many people that like you – that could make you happy. Are you sure you want me?” He curses himself for not realizing sooner that you felt this way and immediately he starts to reassure you. “You’re the only one I want.” He’ll pay more attention to the way he is with other people but mostly he’ll pay more attention to you.

Bambam: You complain a lot about your bra: how uncomfortable it is, how tight, itchy, etc. He turns this into an opportunity to buy you a new one, sexy and soft with lace. It’s a nice bra, you thank him for it with a smile and he’s excited. You never wear it; instead, you wear the bras you always complain about. At first he thinks he might have gotten the wrong size but it’s the right size – he checked. It’s the same size as your other bras and he can’t figure out way you won’t wear it. It bugs him for several reasons – mostly because he’s been looking forward to seeing you in it. Finally, he confronts you, whining that you didn’t like his gift. You lie, you try to change the subject but when he persists you explain – the one he bought doesn’t have enough padding. At first he doesn’t understand, he’s seen you with and without bras on plenty of times so why does the amount of padding matter. Once he gets a good look at your facial expression it clicks that this is a thing for you, something you feel uncomfortable about. He’s quick to assure you that your boobs are perfect, he likes your boobs, and you don’t need to wear anything that makes you feel uncomfortable. Whether that’s the bra he bought you or the ones you always complain about is up to you.

Youngjae:  You answer the door without a second thought only to be horrified to find Youngjae on the other side. Quickly and admittedly rudely you duck behind the door hiding. You scold him for showing up without giving you a heads up. At his baffled, and possibly offended huff you blurt, “I haven’t even put on my makeup yet!” You ditch him in the door to do just that. He ignores your squawk of protest when he follows you into your bedroom. “Why wont you let me see you?” You whine, “Just let me put on some foundation at least.” He’s baffled by your reaction but it isn't until now that he realizes he's never seen you without makeup. He knows make-up can cover a lot but from the glimpses, he's catching of you there's nothing to hide (not that he would expect you to hide anything from him). At your distress, he backs out of your room talking through the partly closed door. "I just want you to know," he starts, "I don't care if you wear makeup or not - you're perfect to me." It's something he'll bring of from time to time but he never pushes the situation he figures you'll let him see you when you're ready.

Yugyeom: You spend all summer dodging his invite to go swimming much to his disappointment. No matter how many times he asks you always have an excuse not to go. As summer draws to a close he asks once more whining when you try to turn him down. You try to lie say you can’t swim but he tells you that’s okay, he can teach you. When you tell him honestly that you don’t have a swimsuit he tells you he’ll buy you one. You’ve turned him down so much lately that you can’t bring yourself to deny him again. That’s how you end up shopping for a swimsuit you don’t want. You’ve never liked the way you look wearing a swimsuit.  He’s excited and helps you pick out several to try on. They’re all really nice but you’re reluctant knowing you won’t like the way you look. It’s stressful and depressing trying them on. At first, he thinks nothing of your refusal to let him see thinking the clothes must not fit. When you leave the dressing room in a huff demanding to leave he knows something is wrong. Gently he asks if you’re okay before coaxing an explanation out of you. “I don’t have the body for a swimsuit.” He vehemently denies your words. However, he agrees to take you home and drop the whole swimming thing if that’s what you want; but first, he’ll encourage you to keep looking. He's positive that you can find something that you’ll feel comfortable in. To him, you’re the most beautiful person and he doesn’t want you missing out because you don’t see yourself the same way.

This is part of my 30 Day scenario/reaction challenge

[fictionerd]

A Response

This post is going to be super long. Hence why it’s not a reblog itself. You can see. If you’re not the initial repsonder you can see that post: Here. @knightofbalance-13

I am going to attempt to go through this and acknowledge your counterpoints the way you you have picked apart my original post. First though, I feel like I should address some context. The first two proper paragraphs of my post go entirely un-remarked by you. These are my statement that I stand by my defense of the series up to this point, and clarifying the context that this episode in particular pissed me off.

*Sigh* …

Squad 13 had nothing to do with what happened in Episode 13. We only ever saw Ichigo and Goro and they barely did anything. The episode was focused on Zero Two and Hiro so your point here makes no sense.

You seem to be misconstruing my actual statements here. This post is about Episode 14. I’m discussing Squad 13′s actions this episode not last one. I specifically say that I’d expected the forward progress from last episode to carry over into this one.

*raises hand*

I know i’ve argued like this before but let me explain the different context:

In my context, I was debating over my own personal interpretation of Ichigo’s actions and how iffy she was being to me.

However, here this is an anaylsis of the show which means personal interpretation shouldn’t even be a major factor, rather looking at both sides of the issue and understanding them both.

To them, Hiro was hopelessly infatuated with a shown to be dangerous person trying to take away his humanity. They couldn’t know his backstory with Zero Two or that she wasn’t trying to be a threat, especially since Zero Two wasn’t explaining things (which even THEN makes sense as she’s never trusted anyone enough to show that much vunerability towards them aside from Hiro and even then, that was only for sometime. She has been isolated and tortured: Her communication skills are gonna be pretty crap).

What you and I feel on this matter don’t factor into them: Squad 13 are their own people with their own stakes in the matter, their own way of looking at things and with their own ways they are affected by this. For this to be bad writing, their actions needs to contradict what THEY would want, not us. And with their situation, this makes perfect sense.

Okay, I’m about to say something that’s going to be repeated a lot here.You bring up good points that, had I been in any different a frame of mind when I wrote the initial impressions, I would have likely stated myself.

I was angry. Angry that they wouldn’t even let him speak to her. I get not wanting him to pilot with her again. The source of the actual issue, but they wouldn’t even let them speak? With the rest of the squad present? It’s this reversal of their attitude back to the state it was in when she first appeared that was frustrating and led me to having this reaction. That coupled with me having prior made an ass of myself.

Now, I bolded some text in here because I need to respond to it directly above all else.

My response: Bullshit. Author and Audience have equal agency in a story. This is why, normally, I’m all for people seeing elements in a narrative that may not have been intended to be there. The problem I had with critics of FranXX beforehand was that many seemed to have read unintended content into the show while ignoring what was there.

Furthermore: Analysis is always done through a personal lens. Regardless of how objective you attempt to be. Regardless of how you try to understand both sides.Recently some one said in a stream I watched “It’s impossible to be objective. And even if it were possible - it’s more important to be fair.” Right here and now I freely admit I’ve been neither.

In my coverage of FranXX up until this point I’ve been more spiteful towards the series’ detractors than I should have been, and in this post my impressions swung a little too far to the opposite side.

That’s the thing.

They were his friends since childhood…

And yet he has NEVER mentioned Zero Two before to them, never mentioned this past to them and they never saw her before then. To them, Hiro would be just spouting crazy nonsense and making them distrust Zero two even more by making it seem like she was messing with his head. To make matters worse, if the adults happen to learn about this: Poof! Another mind wipe, back to square one for Hiro. After all the pain and suffering he went through to get to that point: it’d make even LESS sense to slip up like that, especially since that happened to him BEFORE.

Again, compelling arguments. Arguments that, with hindsight, make a lot of sense. But also make a lot of sense since I addressed some of them. My problem is that Hiro didn’t even try to talk about it with Ichigo. Even if her response had been to tell him he was crazy then at least he would have tried which seems, to me, more consistent with his character rather than jumping straight to prison-escape tactics. Though you make an equally compelling point about one slip-up meaning that he’d go through a mind wipe again. I admit I hadn’t thought of that in the haze of my frustration at their behavior.

The fact that their behavior is justified doesn’t mean I have no right to be frustrated by it. In a way it’s the story doing its job.

…And? You don’t think this was INTENTIONAL? That showing Zero Two didn’t fully understand what it meant to be human was an INTENTIONAL character flaw? That this might be something that was intended to be in her as a character and to be something that has to be fixed?

And why would anything Hiro has done before do anything for her? She didn’t know who he was and she only trusted the Hiro she knew out of ALL HUMANITY. Again, due to torture, isolation, manipulation and desperation. This makes total sense given her character and history. Just because you don’t like it doesn’t mean it’s bad.

You are correct here. Down to the last detail. I have next to no rebuttal for this one. At this point I was largely just pissed off at all people concerned. Moving on.

Gee, doesn’t that sound familiar? *cough* EVERY HUMAN CONFLICT IN HISTORY *cough*.

yeah, from the enslavement of the Jews in Egypt to the political strife in present day America: Every single human conflict is made by people being idiots and getting their idiot asses handed to them.

And while you may say “Entertainment doesn’t need that much realism!”: Entertainment is made to sell you an illusion and the best illusions are the most realistic. the purpose of writing characters is to make them emulate people as closely as possible, flaws and all.

Such conflict is caused by some people being idiots. Not all of the people all of the time. Fiction DOES need realism, but there’s a difference between realism and the entire cast reverting straight back to beginning-of-series attitudes. That strikes me as less of a stumble and more of a reset, but I’m willing to concede the point anyway.

In all honesty, You should have done that in the first place.

Again, entirely correct... So much so that I said as much in the post to begin with. Though I can’t tell if you mean I should have watched their coverage of Episode one or if you somehow think I haven’t watched the first episode of the series. 

… Have you now?

See, here’s the thing: different types of stories require the world and characters to grow at different paces. More drama and horror based shows like Franxx require it to be done slowly to build up suspense whereas more action and triumphant shows like Franxx’s brother, Gurren Lagann require it be done faster. It depends on the show. So if you don’t like the pacing, ask yourself: is the pacing done badly for this type of show? or do I just not like this pacing?

Also: Character development isn’t always positive. Characters, like people, can and will regress. Again, it just has to make sense given the context. In this shows case: it does.

My quibble here is this. You NEED to care about the characters in ANY story you are audience to. REGARDLESS of genre. Even at the time when I was covering the early episodes I felt they were lacking until we hit episode four, and my comment was primarily addressing my understanding of why people left due to lack of development in the extended cast.

Okay-

Would it benefit the SHOW in the long run for Eren to change?

Or would it benefit YOU?

It it’s the latter: you need to be aware of your biases.

And there you go: confusing development and change with being positive. People don’t always move forward: they stumble back or stop along the way. It happens and even if you don’t like it, you need to accept it.

Would it benefit the story in the long run for Eren to show that his experiences since the attack on his hometown had changed him in any way? Yes, it would. It would take the largest millstone off the show’s neck.

Does it benefit the plot for Eren to change? Absolutely not. They need to keep him an angry little hypocrite for as long as humanly possible in order to keep forward momentum. Or so it seems anyway.

By extension of it benefiting the story, it would benefit me because I wouldn’t have this one black hole of empathy sitting in the middle of the show. Eren honestly comes across more as some one you’re meant to hate, while the writing seems to imply you’re supposed to be rooting for him and his cleanup-squad. Which I did. I did root for Eren all through season One, but the best parts of Season Two were the parts where he wasn’t present. Which, admittedly, was a lot of it.

I’m well aware of my biases. I was throwing them in the faces of critics of FranXX up until this episode, and I still stand by the disagreements I had with them. I feel my biggest problem here is a severe case of over-correcting.

Good…but you need far more than that. Every step I’ve seen you take here has been a step in the wrong direction. You need to learn to understand both sides in both reality and in the show. You need to learn that just because you don’t like it doesn’t make it bad. You need to learn some basic lessons for being a good critic.

Never claimed to be a critic. I’m only a critic in so far as EVERYONE is a critic. The name of the series is Let’s Talk Anime (Which, by the way, thank you for actually engaging me in conversation xD) I’m here to give my impression, not an “Objective” review. I’m a writing guy with my own biases, lenses, and desire for speculation. That’s why you don’t often see me commenting on animation or shot framing unless it’s so amazing or so terrible that even I sit up and take notice.

Not everyone is trying to be a “good critic”. Some of us are just contrarians who, when proven wrong to a certain degree, proceed to over-correct themselves.

While I understand your actions: I don’t excuse them. You should have done better.

Seeing as you ignored my opening paragraphs it seems you could have ignored the apology directed at a specific group of people. As you did not: Yes! I should have done better. That was the point.

Fine. Just don’t make me do this again.

I didn’t make you do it this time. Just like Anime FMK or other detractors of the series didn’t make me write my previous posts on the series. Since I apparently didn’t make it clear enough originally. I LIKE Darling in the FranXX. I DIDN’T like this episode.