#this story was brought to you by a strong urge to write something and no inspiration at all

[requiemforthepoets]

Heyyy, I saw you wrote for Oscar Piastri and I was wondering if you wouldn't mind writing a Oscar x youngest child reader. Went they go to meet her family and he hasn't heard the best things about them. Like her sister is constantly overlooking every achievement ever and it's like her mother doesn't even care about her unless she wants something and the dad isn't in the picture. And after years she just finally breaks down and Oscar comforts her.

you are the only exception 𖦹 OP81

PAIRINGS: oscar piastri x female!reader

SUMMARY: you came to a realization that with your bad relationship with your family, your only strong relationship is with oscar.

AUTHOR’S NOTE: hello! thank you so much for your request. i hope this one is up to your standards, i had also taken a creative liberty to add some details. the confrontation part (between reader and mother) might be a little bit triggering that i had intended it to be for some, so just read with a little discretion. nonetheless, i hope you’ll enjoy this one! :)

REMINDERS: this is purely fiction, the way how the character is portrayed in my story does not reflect the person that is portraying my character in real life. always separate fiction from reality, and do not repost or copy my work in any way.

WORD COUNT: 2.3k

WARNINGS: not proofread, typos, youngest daughter syndrome, physical assault (slapping), verbal sparring, dysfunctional family, no father figure, youngest daughter rage, no use of y/n, and cursing.

You and Oscar stood outside the front door of the house you once had called home. It had been a year since you last had last visited, and the thought of just stepping inside made your stomach twist into knots. You glanced at Oscar, his soft smile of encouragement giving you a moment of calm amidst the growing storm inside your mind. He hadn’t pressed you to meet your family, but you knew it had been on his mind ever since your relationship had become serious.

“They’re your family,” he said gently when you brought up the idea weeks ago. “If you want to introduce me, I’ll be there for you.”

But that was the problem, wasn’t it? Your family had never felt like a real family at all, not like the warmth and care that Oscar had been surrounded by all his life. You had always felt overlooked, unimportant, invisible—like you were just a ghost in the background of your family’s lives. As you hesitated, Oscar’s hand slipped into yours, giving it a reassuring squeeze.

“It’ll be okay,” he whispered, but even Oscar couldn’t hide the flicker of doubt in his eyes. He had heard enough to know this wouldn’t be easy.

You took a deep breath before knocking. The door swung open, revealing your mother, looking at you up and down, her face was a blank canvas of indifference, before her eyes flicked to Oscar. Her expression immediately softened as she extended her arms, ignoring you completely as she greeted him.

“Oscar, darling, it’s so nice to finally meet you!” You felt the sting immediately, but you forced a smile as Oscar shook her hand politely. “Nice to meet you too, Mrs.—”

“Mom,” she corrected, cutting him off and pulling him into a hug. “Just call me mom.” You bit your lip, suppressing the urge to say something, but Oscar gave you a subtle glance that told you he noticed.

You then saw your sisters lounging in the living room, their eyes didn’t light up when they saw you. You just forced a smile and stepped inside, with Oscar following close behind. Introductions were made, your sisters and mother exchanged pleasantries with Oscar, and even though they were polite, it was as if you weren’t even in the room. Your achievements, the life you had built outside of this house, were all glossed over or ignored completely. Every time you tried to share something about what you were proud of, they either changed the subject or dismissed it with a half-hearted compliment.

Oscar’s brow furrowed slightly, his hand never leaving yours as the conversation carried on. You could tell that he was beginning to understand what you had meant all along. When your mother finally acknowledged you, it was only to ask another favor, something she needed, something she always needed but never seemed to return. There was completely no warmth in her words, no care, just expectations. It didn’t help at the fact that your father wasn’t there—he hadn’t been in the picture for a long time. You’d long since accepted that, but it still hurts, the unspoken absence lingering in the air like a heavy cloud.

As the hours dragged on, Oscar noticed everything. The way that your sisters praised each other’s accomplishments while overlooking yours, the way your mother seemed to care more about what you could do for her than who you were. It was suffocating, but you bit your tongue. You were here out of formality, after all. You wanted them to properly meet Oscar because he’s a part of your life now, and as much as you hated to admit it, they were still your family.

During the dinner, while the whole table’s chatter had subsided, Oscar decided to excuse himself to the restroom, and the room seemed to grow colder the moment he left. You just sat there, tension building in your chest, and finally, something inside of you had snapped.

“I’ve had enough,” you said, your voice steady, though your hands trembled. Your sisters glanced at you, clearly taken aback. “Why do you always do that? Why do you always fucking act like nothing I do matters? You act like I don’t exist unless you need something from me. You’ve never cared about what I’ve done or how far I’ve come, like I’m some kind of afterthought to you all. I’m done pretending that it’s okay!”

Your mother’s face hardened. “Watch your tone.”

Your sisters glanced at each other, their expressions indifferent. “Oh, here we go again,” one of them sighed, “you’re always so dramatic, good god!”

“Dramatic?” You repeated, incredulous. “You’ve never acknowledged a single thing I’ve done. Every time I decided to visit, it’s always the same fucking thing, treating me like I’m invisible unless you want something from me!”

“Maybe if you weren’t so sensitive, it wouldn’t bother you,” your mother chimed in, her voice cold. “You have always been the one to leave us. Don’t act like you’re the victim here.”

You stood up, fists clenched at your sides. “I left because this place was and still is fucking suffocating! Because I couldn’t fucking stand the way you all made me feel. Like I wasn’t good enough, like I didn’t belong here at all!”

Your sisters rolled their eyes, but your mother stood as well, her face was now twisted in irritation. “You think you’re the only one who’s had it hard? We’re your family, and if you don’t like how things are, maybe you’re the problem!”

“No,” you shot back. “You just can’t handle the fucking truth, can you? You’ve all treated me like a shit for as long as I can remember, and maybe that’s why dad left! Maybe he couldn’t stand being around this shit ass family—or being just around you!” You pointed at your mother angrily.

The words hung in the air like a slap, and it wasn’t long before your mother’s hand followed suit, striking your cheek with a force that left your skin stinging and with a glaring red hand imprint. You didn’t flinch, instead, you stood your ground, the sharp pain doing little to shake your resolve.

“You don’t get to fucking hit me just because you can’t handle what I’m saying,” you said, your voice firm but calm. “You lost any right to call yourself my family a long time ago.”

Before anyone could respond, Oscar re-entered the dining room, his eyes immediately locking onto yours. He saw the tension, the redness in your cheek, and without hesitation, he crossed the room, gently taking your hand.

“Let’s go,” he said softly, his voice steady but filled with concern. You didn’t need to argue, you didn’t want to stay a second longer. With Oscar’s hand in yours, you turned and left, the door closing on a chapter of your life that should have ended long ago.

Stepping outside into the fresh air, the weight that had been suffocating you inside began to dissipate. You felt really good after airing everything out in the open, of course you hadn’t expected your mother’s slap, but you don’t care, it was about fucking time. Oscar didn’t say anything for a while, just held your hand, offering you the comfort you didn’t realize you needed until now. Finally, when you were both at a safe distance from the house, he stopped walking and turned to you.

“Are you okay?” He asked, voice full of concern. His fingers brushed against your check, where the redness from the slap still lingered.

You nodded, but your eyes were full of unshed tears. “I’m sorry, Osc,” you whispered, your voice breaking. “I didn’t want you to witness all of that. I didn’t even want you to meet them.”

He pulled you into his arms, holding you close. “Don't apologize,” he murmured against your hair. “You don’t ever have to apologize for them. That wasn’t your fault.”

You stayed in his embrace for what felt like forever, the world around you fading away until it was just the two of you. For the first time all day, you felt like you could breathe again.

“They don’t define you,” Oscar whispered. “You’re not them. You’ve built something incredible on your own, and you don’t need their validation for that.”

A few tears slipped down your cheeks, but quickly wiped it off. They weren’t just from sadness, they were also from the overwhelming sense of relief that you didn’t have to face any of this alone anymore. Oscar had seen the worst of your past, and instead of turning away, he was still here, holding you tighter than ever.

“I love you,” he said quietly, his words wrapping around you like a blanket of safety. “And nothing they do will ever change that.”

You looked up at him, his kind eyes filled with nothing but understanding, and for the first time in a long time, you felt like you belonged somewhere—right there, in his arms.

The moment you were already back at the hotel room, the weight of the day finally crashed down on your shoulders. You just stood there, motionless, while Oscar set down his things. The silence between the two of you was deafening, it felt like the walls were closing in. The dam you had been holding back for years was breaking, and no matter how much you tried to push it down, it was already too late.

You sank into the edge of the bed, face in your hands as everything you had bottled up started to spill out. At first, it was quiet—just a shaky breath, but soon enough, the sobs came in waves, unstoppable, painful, years of frustration and hurt pouring out of you all at once. All the pain of never being enough, of always being overlooked, hits you like a train.

“I’m sorry,” you choked out between sobs, not even sure if Oscar could understand you. “I’m so so sorry…I shouldn’t have made you go there. I shouldn’t have let you meet them.”

Oscar was at your side in an instant, pulling you into his arms as if shielding you from the flood of emotions that overwhelmed you. He didn’t say anything right away, just held you as you cried into his chest, his hand gently running up and down your back. The steady rhythm of his touch was the only thing keeping you tethered to the present, but the storm inside of you was relentless.

“I thought—” you gasped, the words barely making it out between your sobs. “I thought they might have changed…that maybe they’d see me for who I am now. But they didn’t. They never will. I don’t know why I thought it would be any different.”

Oscar pulled back just enough to look at you, his eyes filled with concern and understanding. “Hey. Hey, stop,” he said gently, brushing a tear from your cheek. “This isn’t your fault. None of this is your fault. You don’t have to apologize for them, not to me.”

You shook your head, guilt pressing down on you. “But how they treated you, it wasn’t right. They didn’t even care that you were there. They didn’t care about anything except what they wanted from me, and I made you go through all of that…I’m sorry,”

Oscar’s grip on you tightened, his voice soft but firm. “You don’t have to apologize for them,” he repeated, his tone more serious now. “They’re the ones who should be sorry, not you. You’ve done nothing wrong. I went because I wanted to be there for you, no matter how it all turned out.”

You sniffed, wiping at your tear-streaked face, though it did a little to stop the flood. “But it’s so embarrassing,” you mumbled. “Your family’s so good, supportive, and mine…mine’s a total mess. Dysfunctional, even. I didn’t want you to see that, I didn’t want you to see where I came from.”

Oscar cupped your face gently, forcing you to look at him. “It doesn’t matter where you came from, I couldn’t care less,” he said quietly, his eyes searching for yours. “What matters is who you are, and you are nothing like them. You’ve built your own life, your own path, and that’s what I love about you. I don’t care about your family’s mistakes. I care about you.”

Your chest tightened again, but this time, it wasn’t from the pain of your family’s rejection. It was from the overwhelming feeling of being seen, truly seen, by someone who didn’t judge you for the past you couldn’t control. Oscar’s words wrapped around you like a protective shield, and you leaned into him, your tears slowing but your emotions still raw.

“I just wanted them to care,” you whispered, the last of your defenses breaking. “I wanted them to be proud of me, I don’t ask that much from them. I just…I just wanted to feel like I mattered to them.”

Oscar’s arms tightened around you again, pulling you close until your forehead rested against his. “You matter,” he said softly, his breath warm against your skin. “You matter to me. More than you’ll ever know.”

You took a shaky breath, your hands clutching onto his shirt like it was the only thing keeping you grounded. “Thank you,” you whispered, voice barely audible.

He kissed your forehead, lingering there for a moment before pulling back just enough to meet your eyes. “You never have to thank me for caring about you. I love you, and I’m here, no matter what.”

The sincerity in his voice broke through the last of the walls you had built around yourself. For the first time in what felt like forever, you felt like you could finally breathe. You nodded, the tension in your chest finally easing as you rested your head against his shoulder, letting the warmth of his embrace wash over you.

You weren’t sure of what the future held, or if your family would ever change, but at that moment, it didn’t matter. None of it mattered at all. You had Oscar, and that was enough.

[voidhope]

The Other Woman

—

Synopsis: Where Miguel leaves Y/N to go back to a different version of his old wife found in another universe.

Pair: Miguel O’Hara x Spider!Reader

Tags: ANGST!!, long term established relationship, heartbreak, marriage, cheating, mental health, cold/distant Miguel

—

A/N: Hi! I don’t really write at all!!

I have been a silent reader on tumblr for years but this idea has been playing in my mind so much I had the urge to write it. I have been down so bad for Miguel been on his tag like 24/7 indulging in all the content creators have been putting out. So I’m excited to join in giving content, however keep in mind I kinda suck! Apologies for any mistakes, anything confusing, or it not being well written enough. Honestly could have made this into multiple parts with better details but nah. Tried my best ^^ since it’s my first time, any feedback is greatly appreciated!

Honestly tbh we all don’t have a solid grasp how the whole canon thing and multi universe works yet so!! A lot of what is written is made up to suit my storyline so please don’t get mad about the inaccuracies.

I love a good angst and today’s story will be EXTRAAA angsty!!! As well kinda long!!

—————————————————

The moment that changed your life was while working on an experiment during your college finals. You were a proud and gifted physics major that was so passionate about discovering and exploring what the world didn’t know.

You had snuck into Alchemax late at night. You wanted to show your professors just how much you could do with the right tools. Next thing you know, playing with their machines, you had spawned a spider right in-front of you. The glowing vibrant red spider had sunk its jaw into your hand.

Your life did a complete turn and you spent the rest of that week freaking out while changes to your body were happening. Causing you to fail your semester after missing exams. Things felt like it could only get worse when a massive blue suited masked man showed up out of nowhere in your dorm interrogating you.

“Where’s the spider?” He had a strong grip on your shoulders. You couldn’t focus while trying to process why this man had what seemed like claws sticking out of the ends of his fingers.

“I don’t know, it like died after it bit me!” You exclaimed nervously at the freakishly strong man. Trying to reach for anything behind you to use as a defense weapon.

“Dios mío no me digas eso…” He groaned loudly letting you go. Having the opportunity to grab something, you threw a sanrio plushie at him. Only causing him to wave his arms in annoyance. “That spider is from my earth and somehow you brought it here. Now you’re a spider-man.”

And the rest is history…

—

You learned that the man was Miguel O’Hara and when he found you he was just starting his missions with the multiverse. You being the few of the firsts to join his team.

Your situation was quite bizarre and he called you an anomaly for a long time, spending hours studying you and also training you. You ended up being the one case that can’t be explained no matter how much effort was put into monitoring you.

Almost like it was meant to be. Your universe remained perfect with its current spider-man doing fine. No big collapse of a black hole or anything. When you got bit by a spider from Earth-928 your DNA merged with that universe making you fit in perfectly. You were one of the only spider-people with an uncertain timeline with new canons being created depending on what universe you were in.

What changed from you being just a piece of research for Miguel is when he then realized that maybe you were a gift from the multiverse. After all the grief and pain he’d went through the universe had given him this person that worked out perfectly no matter how hard he tried to push them away. You fell head over heels for him and vice versa, all while canon events were being created with both of you together.

You were there as his team grew, slowly turning into a family. Then both of you getting married finalizing that this was your home. Everything felt perfect. Although a relationship with Miguel could have its up and down days, nothing could ever tear you both apart. Or so you assumed.

—

“I’m sorry Y/N.” Miguel couldn’t look at you.

“When did this start? Please be honest with me. Did I do something wrong?” You begged at him. You knew he was acting off recently but never did you think it would result to this.

You watched as he exhaled deeply staring at the ground. You felt like you couldn’t breathe as you studied his face trying to grasp onto any emotion he was showing. The atmosphere in his office felt so cold. You so badly wanted to catch his gaze and find the warmth and love his red irises used to give you. He was doing everything to push you away. He was abandoning you.

“You did nothing wrong. I met her during a mission 4 months ago.” Was all he replied.

“Who is she?” Your heart kept breaking. His face hardening as the question slipped through your lips. You knew Miguel wouldn’t leave you for just anyone. Deep in your heart you knew what this was about. He never responded but he didn’t need to when you saw his eyes flicker over to his monitor screens. You followed his trace and saw the photo of Gabriella in the corner.

“Does she have another version of your daughter?” You tried again. This is what made him look directly at you. Miguel kept opening and closing his month unsure how to tell you the truth. You weren’t stupid and he knew that. After everything he couldn’t just walk out on you with a lie.

“No.” He paused thinking of how to finally share the truth without it ruining you. There was no way out of this. “She is a younger version of herself. There is no Miguel in her universe and she’s not important to the timeline. She lives a regular life. I-it’s a chance for me to start at the very beginning.”

You felt your heart being ripped out of your chest. You processed the words carefully. She doesn’t have a child yet… Not only was he leaving you for her but he was going to fall in love with her all over again and start a family with her. A family you wanted so badly to have with him.

“What about with what happened last time you tried to live a life in a different universe?” You didn’t understand how this was happening.

He was always so carful he would never do anything to cause that again. Everything you had witness Miguel work so hard for to keep safe for years. Sleepless nights, returning bruised and beaten, frustrations and constant stress. Was it all for nothing? Is he throwing all his work away?

“This is different.” He turned away from you. “I pushed myself then into an already established life. This time I am creating that life. After all the research we did on you…” He knew that this was going to tear you apart. “I learned that if done right I could have a child from two different universes that won’t disrupt anything.”

It clicked to you then that all the research he was doing on you lately was for this. The research he did on you that time was different, personal, intimate even. As he was testing your DNAs together and seeing the outcomes. He mentioned a child and you were foolish enough to assume he was doing research to see what it would be like if you both had one together. You were giddy even as you watched him work. You had both spoken about having a family together in the past but had been too busy with spider activities. You thought it was a sign of him getting more serious about it, knowing how badly he wanted one. You would have never thought he was doing it to see how he could get back his previous child. The one you could never give him.

You had truly believe that Miguel had recovered from his obsession that his grief gave him. He accidentally destroyed a whole universe needing that life back so badly. You had spent late nights watching him re-watch clips over and over of what he had lost. It slowly stopped once your relationship blossomed with him and you thought he was ready to move on and start new. Why would you have never thought that with such a perfect opportunity presented to him that he wouldn’t drop everything for it.

“I think it’s best that you leave.” He spoke with a soft tone. As if not looking at you any longer will make the problem go away. You couldn’t wrap your mind around how he was just throwing you away like this. As if he wasn’t making you dinner, giving soft kisses, whispering I-love-you’s not so long ago.

You felt too choked up to ask anymore questions. Your throat tight and painful as you held back tears from escaping in-front of Miguel. You just nodded and headed straight out the door not being able to handle another second in that room. Your knees and hands were shaky as you speed walked into the nearest bathroom and let it all out.

—

It didn’t take long for everyone else to know something had happened. Everyone had gotten used to seeing you and him sitting together at lunch. You would make him cute lunch boxes and everyone would gag a bit while watching the two of you smile together. Some cringing seeing their scary boss being so soft around you. It was a big surprise when Miguel started to eat alone with a bag of take out food and you no where to be seen.

His teams he sent out for missions were all confused when you weren’t assigned to anything. Knowing you were one of the best, one of them slipped out a “Call for Y/N!” In the middle of fighting an anomaly too strong for them. Miguel only looked away.

It wasn’t until a new woman showed up in Miguel’s office with a grip around his waist. That’s when the spider-community realized that this was way worse than they thought.

—

You on the other hand had spilled everything to Hobie when he caught you that day leaving the bathroom with puffy eyes. You had been staying with him in his universe until you could gather yourself together to return to HQ. You knew you were going to leave for good, but you needed to go back to retrieve all your things. You couldn’t stay with Hobie forever. Worse that you weren’t from there.

You still had some hope that Miguel would come looking for you and tell you that he was all wrong. However almost two months had passed and not a word from him… That’s when you knew it was time you should return to what you once knew.

Stepping into the portal Hobie followed close behind you. He told the few others who were once close to both you and Miguel that you would be visiting. Stepping through the portal you were immediately greeted by Jessica and Peter B Parker.

“Oh, Y/N.” Jess sighed your name sadly while pulling you into a hug. You felt like you wanted to cry all over again. Missing your friends so much. Peter B came behind giving you a hug on the side.

“He’s on a mission right now.” Peter spoke up. “It might be a long one too but don’t waste anytime just incase.”

You nodded pulling away from them. Looking up around the headquarters building faintly smiling at the past memories you had here. You started heading to different areas gathering all the little things you had left around. Hobie had stitched for you a cute backpack with different scraps of patterned clothes and covered in patches of punk band logos but made with hammer space technology. Making it fun for you to fill endless of your things in the bag.

The last stop was in Miguel’s office. Doubt started to fill your mind; maybe he already threw out all of your stuff. Why would he even keep it after all of this? What no one could warn you of was the other person sitting on his platform.

“Hello!” She chirped at you. It felt like the air in your lungs had just been punched out. You knew her too well. From all the photos and videos you had seen peaking over Miguel’s shoulder. However seeing her in person was something you had never expected. You knew it wasn’t the original her but it was a copy paste image for sure.

“Hi.” Was all you managed to choke out. She was beautiful, stunning. You could see clearly now the similar features she shared in another universe with her daughter. The parts that Miguel didn’t have. She kept smiling kindly at you, almost in a graceful way. You started to feel all your insecurities start eating you up from the inside. How could you have ever compared to her.

“What’s your name? I don’t think I’ve seen you here before.” Getting off Miguel’s platform she walked closer to you. The room started to feel suffocating.

“Y/N.”

“Well, it’s nice to meet you! It’s nice to meet other girls around here.”

Your eyebrows furrowed as you realized she had no reaction to your name. So Miguel never told her about you… Or that the fact was he was still even legally married to you.

“My boyfriend isn’t here right now but, if you want, I can tell him you stopped by.” She continued as you stayed silent.

“Oh, no it’s okay. I just came in here to get some stuff.” You rushed as you really wanted nothing to do with Miguel at all. You almost worried that he might even get angry knowing you got to speak with her. If he already dislikes you this much you couldn’t even imagine how he would feel if you got in the way of this for him.

You started heading over to the familiar drawers around the room. Grabbing your old hoodies and shirts finding your most comfortable of things here. You treated this place as one of your safe spaces as you used to spend so much time here.

“Oh I didn’t know these were all yours! I was wondering why this was all around. When I came here I wanted to do some spring cleaning but Miguel wouldn’t let me touch anything.” She followed besides you. “It’s so mind blowing seeing all this technology. We don’t have any of this where I live-“ She continue rambling but you started to zone her out. You felt like you were about to have a panic attack any minute. There was one question that kept burning in your mind.

“Are you and Miguel already planning to have a child?” You blurted out. Your eyes widened a bit as you surprised yourself. She let out a loud laugh.

“Oh dear no! We have only been together about 6 months. You must be new around here so you must not know much about us.” She chuckled.

In some cruel way you were hoping she would have said yes. You had that twisted hope of maybe Miguel just keeping her to have a kid and ditching her after he gets Gabriella and run back to you. In reality he was playing the long game, he really meant it when we said he was starting over. “He’s never mentioned kids anyways. I’m not even sure if he’d like them or do well with them.”

With that statement she made you looked at her appalled. Anyone could see in Miguel how good of a father he could be. Just in the way he takes care of the society he built here. You started to realize that she really has been left in the dark. She doesn’t know anything. She probably doesn’t even know that she’s a replacement of another self. You wondered why Miguel was doing this. It felt like he didn’t just toy with you but with her as well. A man you came to love for how selfless he was, to realize now everything was for his own personal gain. Suddenly you started to feel bad for her. You couldn’t dislike her, she wasn’t doing anything wrong and she doesn’t even know.

“I got all my stuff. Nice to meet you.” Was all you could say as you zipped up your bag and turned straight around out of there. Not giving any glance back at her, you left to one of the empty training rooms to recollect your overwhelming thoughts. All of the self healing you tried the past month thrown in the garbage.

It wouldn’t be too soon that news of you going around the building was returned to Lyla. You had cut out all coms while you were gone so she immediately popped up on your watch when she found out.

“AH-“ You jumped as the tiny AI was suddenly in front of your face.

“It’s so wonderful to see you Y/N. Oh my god!”She started. Then she went on rambling about how she knew everything and had seen everything. How she didn’t agree with what was happening and was doing everything she could to convince you to stay. After 5 minutes of her rambling you stopped her to let your emotions out.

“Lyla, Lyla It’s okay. Just stop. It’s all complicated I know, but this didn’t work out. I wished Miguel just cheated on me like all the other fucked up normal men out there. That I walked in on him deep in another random girl. Though painful I could have tried fixing and fighting for us. But instead what I got was him emotionally cheating on me and chase after something he knows I can never give him.” You felt yourself choke up. “I can never ask him to give up what he longs and dreams for just for me to be happy. I lost this battle the moment he laid eyes on her.”

Finding comfort in the AI your husband made. You’ve created a bond with Lyla that Miguel found cute but you knew now this might be the last time you’ll be speaking with her.

“You can give him a family y/n… you guys have been married two years now. I know you’ve both set the thought aside until the multiverse issues are better but you can fight for him. You have to snap him out of his fantasy. He still thinks about you.”

“Lyla you know deep down truly he never just wanted a family. He wanted exactly what he had. What he lost. Which should be impossible but being by his side seeing how insane the multiverse is… Good for him for believing in something so hard he’s found himself even a third chance to do it.”

“I hate that you’re being too kind about this situation.” Lyla paced around you.

“I love him so deeply Lyla. You know that very well. It’s so hard to suddenly hate him. I am angry, but I’m also emotionally drained I can’t do this.” You let out a deep sigh. “I’ve watched him long for this family when we just met. For some stupid reason when things worked out for us I thought I would be enough… When we got engaged and he would spend some days at home with me not even coming to HQ. I thought he was finally moving on not just from his grief and past but from the weight of his work. I saw a bright future for us.”

“You can still have a bright future with him! You moving here gave him a new canon event, another chance at life in his timeline. Here in his own universe! He’s just too obsessed and he’s lost himself in that.” She exclaimed with her hands up.

“Our canon event was our wedding.” Your frowned deepened. “But the universe didn’t say anything else after. It doesn’t say our canon event means we are suppose to live happily together forever I guess.”

“I’m just trying my best to be optimistic. I rooted so hard for you and Miguel when you joined the team. I know you can remember the amount of times I would force you both in rooms.” Lyla recalled.

“And I’m grateful for it… Even if this didn’t work out. I was given precious memories, not just working with you and being on this team but falling in love with Miguel. I know I’m being all depressed and hopeless but I feel like even if I move on I’ll never be able to replace him and find a relationship like this again. However he threw me away so easily and maybe he never valued me as much as I did to him.” You felt your emotions bubble. “I became who I am here. I’m going to miss everyone so much.”

“You can still stay here and work with us.” She edged on.

“I can’t just sit around here begging at his feet to return to me or moping around doing missions while watching him with someone else. I want to hate him so badly. I know he’s your boss and you’re basically hardwired to do everything for him and you’re trying your hardest to fix what you think is his right path. But think of me a little more and how miserable it’ll be. I’m the only one hurting here.”

Lyla paused and stared at you with an almost glossy-eyed look. While she worked she could see the inner term-oil Miguel was hiding and the emptiness he was turning to since trying to start new in the other universe. It just wasn’t her place to hold this conversation and he was the one who needed to get a grip of himself and really think and talk with you. She can’t be the one trying to mend the pieces for both of you together. What Miguel did was so wrong. She knew you were right and she didn’t want to see any more damage be caused to you.

“You’re right. I’m sorry.” She looked up at you sincerely. “I hate this outcome for you. Not only are you loosing your husband but your home. When was the last time you’ve even been in your universe?”

“Like a year ago for a mission…”

“Exactly! Even if things are over with Miguel, you have all of us here! I wish you could stay. I understand you leaving, I really do. I know a lot of us will try visiting you but I’m tied to Miguel…” You started to see how it clicked for her too that it’s most likely you might not see each other for a long time. “Even if a spider-person is visiting you I can’t just show up on their watch… It’ll go back to him and I know you wouldn’t want that. I know I’m an AI and I can’t hold real emotions but I mean it when I say I’m going to miss you.”

Tears poured down your cheeks as her words hit you. Going back to your universe is going to be a struggle. You have nothing there now. However nothing can compare to the pain of the outcome you’ve had with Miguel, and you needed out of here ASAP. Your mental health getting worse the longer you stay. Even the other spiders you have come to love can’t bring that spark back right now. You needed genuine time for yourself, even if it’s self destructive, instead of putting on a fake smile everyday here.

“Bye, Lyla.” You whispered. She nodded and waved her hand goodbye at you before disappearing. You took your watch off your wrist placing it on a nearby desk. With it you pulled the divorce paperwork out of your pocket neatly sealed and already signed on your half. Opening a portal you took your last glances at the place you spent so many loving memories in.

Tears blurred your vision as you stepped through the portal. Once your legs landed on a rooftop of a building in your dimension, you racked out full sobs falling to your knees.

You were always just the other woman.

—————————————————

Thank you so much for reading!! I know it was a longer one ~

would anyone like a part 2? If so anyone want a angsty or happy ending? I think it’ll be more in Miguel’s perspective as well!

EDIT: You can now read PART 2 here

[weevil-wallflower]

A Jedi & A Droid

Cal Kestis x Jedi!Reader

Summary: Your life was never the same after You stumbled upon another Jedi and a droid.

Warnings/Tags: No warnings, SFW, hurt/comfort, minor angst, fluff, mutual pining, no use of Y/N, no pronouns used, pre/during Jedi: Survivor, minor spoilers for Jedi: Survivor.

A.N.: My third entry for Cal Kestis Week 2024! Prompts: Day 3 - Droid & Day 4 - "We shouldn't be doing this".

I am so late but responsibilities called! Also, this story, initially meant to be simple, got wayyy out of hand and turned into a combination of little snippets. So a bit of a wordy one but I am so happy to finally write this, as the idea had been sitting in my drafts for so long plus I really enjoyed writing it! I think this is one of my best stories yet :3 Gif by me!

Also on AO3!

Word Count: ~6,800

After the crew of the Mantis had split apart, Cal found himself adrift in the galaxy with only BD-1 by his side, spending years drifting between missions and without a crew—a family. While working for Saw Gerrera, he had formed strong friendships with fellow rebels; Gabs, the Klatooinian twins Koob and Lizz, and Bravo. However, it never felt quite the same. He longed for the camaraderie and companionship he had once known, yearning for a friend, a family and perhaps even a partner, to share in their journey’s hardships and victories.

Then, one fateful day, while Cal and BD-1 were navigating through a crowded spaceport, they came across You—running desperately from a squad of unrelenting stormtroopers. Cal's sharp senses detected the hurry in your movements and the terror in your expression as You ran through the packed streets, desperately trying to evade capture.

Without hesitation, Cal leapt into action, his instincts kicking into overdrive as he made his way through the chaotic crowds, dodging blaster fire and weaving through narrow alleyways in pursuit of You. Out of breath, he finally caught up to You, halting You in your tracks and reached out a hand to offer his help.

“Come with us!” The redhead urged, his voice firm yet reassuring as he glanced back at the approaching stormtroopers. “We have a ship. We can help you escape.”

Despite the opportunity presented before You, You hesitated, your eyes wide with fear and uncertainty as You weight your options.

“I’m not getting in a stranger’s ship!” You protested, your voice trembling with apprehension.

Cal’s gaze softened, understanding the gravity of your situation as he met your gaze with unwavering determination.

“You have a better idea?” He asked, his tone gentle yet firm as he kept his hand extended towards You.

You still appeared hesitant but the thunderous footsteps of the approaching stormtroopers and the urgent “Beep-bo-beep!” from the droid perched on the redhead’s back sealed the deal, making You choose the lesser of two evils. With a slight nod, You reached out to take the redhead’s hand, feeling a sense of trust and reassurance wash over You like a wave. Was it the Force trying to tell You something? You had no time to dwell on it, however, as Cal led You to his ship.

As the three of you boarded the Mantis, Cal’s eyes widened with excitement when they fell on the lightsaber strapped to your side, realisation dawning on him.

“You’re a Jedi!” He exclaimed, surprise apparent in his voice. “That’s why those Imps were after you.”

The knowledge brought him some hope, knowing that he had finally found another Jedi besides Cere, after all these years.

You simply nodded and hesitantly took the offered co-pilot seat as the ship soared through the vast outer space. You were unable to shake the feeling of apprehension that gripped You. The knowledge that Cal now knew You were a Jedi filled You with a sense of unease, knowing all too well the dangers that come with being hunted throughout the Galaxy. The thought of bounty hunters and Imperial forces closing in on You sent a shiver down your spine, and You couldn’t help but wonder if trusting Cal was a mistake.

However, as You stole a glance at him while he piloted the ship, You noticed something that caught You off guard—a lightsaber attached to his belt, just like yours. Your eyes widened in surprise as You turned to face him, your voice barely above a whisper.

“Are you… are you also a Jedi?” You asked, your voice full of uncertainty.

Cal’s face lit up with a smile, his green eyes sparkling with excitement and happiness.

“Yes, I am!” He exclaimed, voice full of joy. “I can’t believe I’ve finally found another Jedi!”

“Me too…” You whispered as the revelation sent a wave of relief washing over You. And sure enough, You felt his Force signature resonate around You, feeling his resilience, determination and a strong connection to the Light Side of the Force. However, while the signature carried traces of sorrow and grief, You were surprised by how warm and comforting it felt, enveloping You like a protective blanket. You were unable to remember the last time You felt someone’s Force signature—much less one as soothing. The feeling replaced your earlier apprehension with a sense of solidarity and companionship, relieved to know that You were not alone.

However, it still took time for You to feel comfortable around Cal, despite his warm demeanor and infectious enthusiasm. But slowly over time, You found yourself gradually opening up to the redhead, sharing stories of your past and your hopes for the future. Yet, a lingering sense of caution remained, a barrier that felt insurmountable at times.

But BD-1, Cal’s loyal droid friend, proved to be a source of comfort and solace during those moments of uncertainty. Seeing how happy Cal was once more, all because of your presence on board, BD-1 went out of his way to make You feel welcome with his cheerful chirps and friendly demeanour, offering You small gifts and gestures of kindness that never failed to bring a smile to your face.

And as You watched the little droid trot around the ship, trilling with excitement, You couldn’t help but feel a sense of gratitude towards him. His efforts to make You feel comfortable and at ease did not go unnoticed, and You found yourself growing fond of BD-1 in return.

Cal, too, noticed the bond that was forming between the both of you, and he couldn’t help but smile at the sight of his droid friend bringing joy and laughter into your life like he did for him. Seeing You happy lifted Cal’s spirits in ways he couldn’t fully explain, and he found himself opening up to You even more, sharing his hopes and fears with a newfound sense of trust and vulnerability.

Overall, BD-1’s efforts to make You feel comfortable and welcome were essential in helping You overcome your initial apprehension and form strong bonds of friendship with Cal and the droid. There were numerous instances which contributed to strengthening your bond with both of them.

One day, Cal and BD-1 ventured out on a mission while You agreed to stay behind on the Mantis to look after it and to provide backup support if needed. But when the duo failed to return when they should have, a sense of worry began to settle deep in your mind. Especially when You were unable to contact them via the comms. Time appeared to stretch on endlessly as You waited for their return, each minute that passed only made your concern grow. Feeling restless, You paced the length of the ship, your footsteps echoing in the empty corridors as You anxiously awaited their safe return.

Finally, after what felt like an eternity, just when You contemplated going out to search for them, You heard footsteps and beeping sounds. You quickly rushed down the ramp to be greeted by the sight of Cal, looking a little worse for wear but otherwise unharmed. Your worries melted away in an instant as You ran over to greet him.

“Cal, you’re back!” You exclaimed, relief evident in your voice.

The redhead grinned wearily, his expression softened by your sight. “Hey…” He greeted, his voice tinged with exhaustion. “Sorry for the delay. We ran into a bit of trouble out there.”

Before You could respond, BD-1 chirped excitedly, leaping down from Cal's back and presented You with a tiny gift he ejected from his stim dispenser. With a delighted giggle, You accepted the gift, a simple trinket made from scavenged materials—a token of BD-1's affection and friendship.

As You thanked the little droid for the thoughtful gesture, Cal couldn't help but chuckle at the scene unfolding before him.

"Well, it looks like BeeDee gets all the attention," he quipped, his tone light-hearted as he approached you. "No warm welcome for a valiant hero like me, huh?"

You grinned at his playful remark, thankful that despite the dangers they faced on their mission, Cal and BD-1 had returned safely, and that was all that mattered in the end.

As you all walked back inside the Mantis together, Cal's arm draped casually over your shoulder, You couldn't help but feel a sense of belonging wash over You. And when BD-1 chirped happily beside You, You knew that no matter what challenges lay ahead, you would face them together as a team.

Another day, You remember sitting alone in the quiet solitude of your quarters at the back of the Mantis. With the weight of loneliness and longing pressing heavy on your heart, You couldn't help but feel the ache of missing your long-gone family and friends. Memories of happier times filled your mind, each recollection a bittersweet reminder of the bonds You had lost to the war of the Galaxy.

Meanwhile, out in the common area of the ship, Cal paced back and forth with furrowed brows, his concern for You evident in the worried lines etched upon his face. He had sensed your melancholy from the moment You had withdrawn to your quarters, and despite his best efforts to coax You out of your seclusion, You had insisted that You were fine, not wanting to burden him with your troubles.

But BD-1, after sensing your distress, took it upon himself to cheer You up. With a soft chirp, the little droid scuttled into your quarters, carrying an assortment of gifts and trinkets.

You looked up when BD-1 dropped the presents at your feet, startled by the unexpected intrusion. But when You gazed into the droid’s photoreceptor lenses, You noticed something—empathy, compassion and a silent invitation to share in his company.

With a small smile, you reached out to accept the gifts that BD-1 had brought for You, each one a small token of friendship and comfort in the midst of your loneliness. A handcrafted charm bracelet, a bundle of aromatic herbs, and a holorecording of soothing music—all thoughtfully chosen to lift your spirits and ease the ache in your heart.

As You held the gifts close to your heart, a wave of gratitude washed over You, grateful for the droid’s unwavering support and companionship.

When Cal noticed BD-1 entering your quarters, he longed to join in as well, wanting to do everything he could to make You feel better and suddenly, an idea came to him. Quickly, he brewed a cup of your favorite caf, its rich aroma filling the air. With each measured step, he poured his heart into the simple act of preparing the beverage, hoping that it will bring You some solace in the midst of your turmoil.

As the redhead slowly walked into your quarters with the steaming cup in hand, he felt a sense of relief wash over him at the sight of the little droid’s offerings laid out before You on your bed. He was grateful for BD-1’s presence, knowing that the little droid was looking after You in his own unique way, offering You comfort when You needed it the most.

When You saw Cal enter your quarters with hesitant steps, You couldn’t help but feel a surge of warmth in your chest at the sight of him. The small, sympathetic smile he wore tugged at your heartstrings, and as You watched him walk closer, your lips curved into a small smile of your own.

Slowly, Cal extended the cup towards You, his gesture a silent offering of support and understanding. And as You accepted the cup of caf, You felt a sense of gratitude, knowing that with Cal and BD-1 present, You were never truly alone, even in your moments of solitude. Their presence and unwavering support filled the room with a comforting sense of companionship that eased the ache in your heart.

When Cal moved to leave You to your thoughts, as You had requested earlier, a sudden impulse seized You. “ Cal, wait!” You called out, surprising yourself with the words.

Turning back to face You, the redhead’s expression was one of curiosity, his eyes searching yours.

“Would you… would you mind staying here for a while?” You asked, your voice soft with uncertainty. “I could use the company…”

A flicker of emotion passed through Cal’s eyes; a mixture of surprise, gratitude and something deeper You couldn’t quite recognise. With a small nod, he settled into the seat opposite You, his presence along with BD-1’s providing reassurance amidst your troubled thoughts.

And as you all sat together in the comfort of your quarters, the warmth of the caf and the gentle hum of conversation filled the air, slowly dissipating the tension from earlier. With each passing moment, You found yourself drawn deeper into the warmth of Cal’s presence, the sound of his deep voice soothing your worries.

As You listened to him speak, your gaze wandered, taking in the details of his appearance with a newfound appreciation. His fiery red hair, the brightest You had ever seen, seemed to glow in the soft light of the room.

His green eyes, so vibrant and full of life, sparkled with intelligence and kindness, drawing You in with their magnetic charm. And as You met his gaze, You found yourself captivated by the depth and warmth that lay within them, a reflection of the soul that resided behind those beautiful emerald orbs.

His freckles, scattered like constellations across his sun-kissed skin, added to his charm, giving him an air of boyish innocence that belied the immense strength and resilience he possessed. And though his face carried the marks of battles fought and hardships endured, each scar only served to enhance his rugged allure, a testament to the trials and tribulations he had overcome over the years.

While You took in the sight of him, bathed in the soft glow of the room, You couldn't help but feel a sense of awe and admiration wash over You. In that moment, surrounded by the comforting embrace of his presence, You knew that You were in the presence of someone truly special—a friend, a confidant, and perhaps something more.

As time went on and the bond between You and the duo deepened, You developed a deep, almost parental affection for the little droid, despite not understanding what he said half the time. Often, in moments of excitement or tenderness, You found yourself affectionately calling BD-1 "Beebee" or "BB-1," much to Cal’s amusement.

During one particularly heartwarming moment by the campfire during a stop on Bogano, as Cal's hand brushed against yours and the stars twinkled overhead, You couldn't resist reaching out to BD-1 with a soft smile.

"Come here, Beebee," You cooed, beckoning the droid closer.

BD-1 chirped happily, nuzzling against your side with a warmth that made your heart swell.

Cal chuckled at the endearing nickname, his eyes crinkling with affection as he observed the exchange.

"You're my little bebe!" You exclaimed, unable to contain your adoration for the droid, causing Cal's laughter to fill the air, a melodic sound that echoed through the night.

"You're going to spoil him with all that love," he teased, his playful tone only adding to the warmth of the moment.

You grinned, feeling a sense of contentment wash over You. "Well, he deserves it," You replied, reaching out to pat BD-1's head affectionately.

Another one of your adventures led you all to an enchanting night market, where the dim glow of colourful lanterns illuminated the bustling streets. Cloaked in hooded robes that disguised your identities, You and Cal strolled through the bustling streets and crowds of people. The outer rim planet that you all had landed on was far from the watchful eyes of the Empire, but the threat of being hunted down as Jedi still lingered, necessitating caution in your movements.

As you both moved through the sea of sellers and stalls, You couldn't help but steal glances at Cal, admiring how handsome and mysterious he looked in his black cloak.

Cal too stole glances at You from beneath his hood, unable to contain his admiration. The way your eyes sparkled with curiosity as You took in the sights and sounds around You, the delicate curve of your smile as You marveled at the many stalls— it all filled him with a warmth that he couldn't quite explain.

His thoughts drifted to uncharted territory as he found himself yearning for more than just companionship with You. The urge to reach out and hold You close, to feel the warmth of your embrace and the softness of your touch, tugged at his heartstrings with an intensity he hadn't anticipated.

But the redhead knew better than to act on such impulses, especially in the midst of such a perilous situation. The threat of danger loomed overhead, reminding him of the risks involved in allowing his emotions to take control. And yet, despite the rational voice of caution in his mind, he couldn't shake the longing that stirred within him whenever he looked at You.

And as You turned to face him with a curious expression, he felt a rush of warmth fill his chest, the desire to protect and cherish You overwhelming any doubts or fears that lingered within him. In that moment, surrounded by the hustle and bustle of the night market, Cal knew one thing for certain; he would do anything to keep You safe.

The redhead’s thoughts were interrupted when You suddenly rushed inside a bookstore with shelves full of interesting titles. Among them, a book on how to learn Binary stuck out, with a cover full of symbols and characters that attracted your interest.

"Hey, Cal, check this out!" You exclaimed, excitedly holding up the book after he caught up to You. "I've always wanted to learn Binary, especially now so I can understand Beebee better. What do you think?"

Cal glanced at the book, a smile tugging at the corners of his lips. "I think that's a great idea," he replied, his voice warm with encouragement. "Learning Binary could definitely help you and Beedee communicate more effectively."

Turning to BD-1, who was perched on Cal's shoulder, You addressed the droid with a playful grin. "What do you think, Beebee? You think I can learn Binary? Then you and I can gossip like schoolgirls, won't that be fun?"

Cal chuckled at your remark, his eyes twinkling with amusement. "I definitely think Beedee will have some juicy gossip to tell you," he quipped, eliciting a series of excited beeps from the droid. "But yeah, learning Binary sounds like a fantastic idea. Just promise me one thing: as long as you both don't gossip about me, I'm all for it."

You giggled in response before purchasing the book and tucking it safely into your robes. For some reason, You hadn’t thought to ask Cal for lessons, thinking You could learn on your own and not wanting to trouble him as he already had too much on his plate. But now, with the book in hand, You were eager to begin learning.

After weeks turned to months aboard the Mantis, You received communication from a distant friend from within the rebellion You worked for, presenting You with a difficult choice. The holographic image flickered to life from within your now fixed comms unit, revealing the face of a trusted ally, their voice filled with urgency and determination as they extended an invitation for You to return to the rebellion.

For a moment, You felt torn, the call to duty and the desire to make a difference in the Galaxy making You feel conflicted. The rebellion was your way of fighting for freedom and justice alongside allies who shared your ideals and convictions.

But as You glanced around the familiar surroundings of the Mantis, the faces of Cal and BD-1 staring back at You with concern and uncertainty, You realised that this ship had become more than just a travelling vessel—it was your sanctuary, your home.

Cal, ever perceptive to the turmoil raging within You, approached with a gentle hand resting on your shoulder, his eyes filled with understanding and empathy. “Whatever you decide, know that we’re here for you,” he said, his voice soft and reassuring. “You’re a part of this crew, a part of this family, and we’ll support you no matter what.”

With a heavy heart, You weighed your options, torn between the duty to your cause and the love for your newfound family.

In the end, You made your decision, lead on by your stubborn sense of duty to the cause. The call to serve the rebellion beckoned with an undeniable urgency. In a way, You and Cal were very similar, feeling like you both needed to keep fighting, unable to shake the sense of duty that weight heavily on both of you.

Cal accepted your decision with great reluctance, having half a mind to join You but he had his own duty to fulfill for Saw Gerrera’s rebellion.

When the moment of your departure drew closer, Cal and BD-1 stood beside You as You gathered your meagre belongings, their expressions a mirror of your own conflicted emotions, as You prepared to leave. The duo knew that your absence would leave a void aboard the Mantis that would be difficult to fill.

Cal, ever stoic and composed, held his emotions in check, offering You a reassuring smile as he bid You farewell. His words of encouragement and support echoed in your ears, reminding You that You were not alone in your decision, no matter how difficult it may be.

BD-1 on the other hand, unable to contain his emotions, wailed and cried, clinging to your legs desperately as You attempted to walk down the ramp of the Mantis and onto the planet. The little droid’s cries of distress tore at your heartstrings, filling You with a sense of guilt and anguish as You struggled to pull away.

“Beebee, it’s okay,” You whispered, calling him with that endearing nickname, your voice thick with emotions as You tried to soothe the distraught droid. “I’ll come back, I promise. We’ll see eachother again soon.”

But BD-1’s cries only grew louder, his little legs clinging to You in a desperate embrace, refusing to let go. Tears welled in your eyes as You looked into the droid’s photoreceptors, seeing the depth of his sorrow reflected back at You.

As he watched BD-1 cling to You with such desperation, witnessing the droid’s anguish and your distress, Cal felt a pang of sorrow and longing grip his heart as well. He slowly approached you both, gently reaching out to the droid. “’We shouldn’t be doing this’,” he murmured softly, his voice laced with sorrow as he pried BD-1 away from You. “We must respect others’ decisions…”

The redhead wanted nothing more than to embrace You, to hold You close and offer You comfort in this difficult moment. But he knew that if he allowed himself to give in to that temptation, he would break down completely. With a heavy heart, Cal settled for a handshake instead, his touch gentle yet firm as he bid You farewell. He knew that letting You go was the right thing to do, even if it tore him apart inside.

With a heavy heart, your touch lingered on Cal’s hand before You gave BD-1 one last reassuring pat before finally stepping away and descending down the ramp. And as You walked away, the echoes of BD-1's cries followed You, a haunting reminder of the sacrifice You had made in the name of duty.

As your silhouette faded into the horizon, Cal couldn’t shake the weight of grief that settled in his chest. Watching you leave, he couldn't help but reflect on the bond that had formed between You, him and BD-1, realizing how much he and the little droid had come to cherish You.

In the short time You had been aboard the Mantis, You had become like family to them. And now, just as they had grown accustomed to your presence, You were leaving them, all too soon, like so many others before You.

The thought of saying goodbye was nearly unbearable, a painful reminder of the transience of life and the fleeting nature of companionship in a Galaxy ripped apart by conflict and suffering. But even as the pain of loss threatened to overwhelm him, Cal knew that he couldn't hold You back, knowing all too well that your duty to the rebellion was a call You could not ignore.

As Cal returned inside the Mantis, a heaviness settled upon him, weighing down his spirit with the burden of your departure. Unable to muster the resolve to fly the ship just yet, he found himself sinking into melancholy, the empty space around him echoing with the absence of your presence.

Sitting in the cockpit, Cal held BD-1 close to him, the little droid providing what comfort it could with its mechanical chirps and beeps. But even as he clung to BD-1, a sense of loneliness overcame him, a stark reminder of the void left behind by your absence.

"BeeDee," Cal murmured softly, his voice tinged with sadness. "We... We both really did come to love our new friend, didn't we?"

"Boo-woo..." BD-1 beeped in response, his photoreceptors dimming with sorrow as he nestled closer to the redhead. In that moment, as they sat together in the silent cockpit, Cal sought solace in the presence of his loyal droid.

BD-1 then emitted a flurry of hurried beeps, crying out to Cal with urgency, telling—demanding him to bring You back right this instant. Cal felt a pang of sadness grip his heart as the desperation in BD-1's cries mirrored his own inner turmoil, reminding him of the depth of the bond that had formed between him and You.

"We shouldn't be doing something like this..." Cal repeated solemnly, shaking his head as he recalled his earlier words when BD had clung to You. "We can't force someone like that..."

His voice was heavy with resignation, a reflection of the harsh reality they faced. Despite their wishes and desires, they couldn't force You to stay, no matter how much they wanted to. The decision was yours alone to make, and they had to respect that, no matter how difficult it may be.

BD-1 emitted a series of mournful beeps in response, his sorrow palpable as he nestled closer to Cal, seeking solace in his presence. Together, they sat in the quiet confines of the cockpit, grappling with the emptiness left behind by your departure, silently hoping that You will return to them one day.

Meanwhile, as the evening turned into night, You found yourself immersed in the routine of life within the rebellion's base once more, but the memory of leaving your newfound family behind weighed heavily on your mind. Amidst the chatter and activity of your fellow rebels, a sense of longing gnawed at your heart, aching for the companionship and camaraderie You had experienced aboard the Mantis.

In the quiet solitude of your old quarters, You unpacked your belongings, the Binary language book You had purchased a few weeks earlier catching your eye. The sight of it brought back precious memories, reminding You of the laughter, the warmth, and the sense of belonging You had felt with Cal and BD-1. In that moment, You realised with a pang of regret how big of a mistake You had made in leaving them behind.

With resolution burning within You, You made a spur-of-the-moment decision to return to the Mantis, hoping against hope that it wasn't too late. Racing through the dimly lit corridors of the rebellion's base, your heart pounded with anticipation as You hurried towards the landing pad where the ship was stationed.

As You approached, the silhouette of the Mantis came into view, bathed in the soft glow of moonlight. Relief washed over You as You realised despite the few hours that had passed since You had left, the ship was still there, almost as if waiting patiently for your return.

You ran up the ramp and inside the ship, your breath coming in ragged gasps as your gaze fell on the solemn figures of Cal and BD-1. For a brief moment, confusion flickered across their faces, but it quickly gave way to surprise and joy as they realised that You had returned.

BD-1 was the first to react, emitting a series of excited beeps as he rushed towards You. Tears welled up in your eyes as You knelt down to greet the little droid, wrapping your arms around his small frame in a tight embrace.

"I'm so sorry," You whispered tearfully. "I didn't mean to leave you. I didn't realise how much you both meant to me until I was gone."

BD-1 chirped softly in response, his photoreceptors gleaming with happiness as he nuzzled against You. Meanwhile, Cal approached slowly, his expression a mixture of relief and concern as he watched the emotional reunion unfold before him.

"Welcome back," he said softly, his voice tinged with emotion.

With BD-1 by your side as a reassuring presence, You rose from your embrace with the droid and turned to face Cal, the weight of your emotions spilling over as You threw your arms around him in a tight hug.

As You hugged Cal, your heart overflowing with emotion, he returned the embrace just as fervently, his strong arms enveloping You in a comforting hold.

"I'm so sorry, Cal," You whispered once more, your voice trembling. "I didn't mean to leave you both..."

Cal held You at arm's length, his gaze meeting yours with a mixture of relief and sincerity. "You mean a lot to us, you know," he said softly, his voice carrying the weight of his feelings. "We've come to rely on you, to count on you. And when you left..."

His voice trailed off, the unspoken words hanging heavy in the air. But before You could respond, BD-1 let out a series of joyful beeps, trotting over to nuzzle against You in his own display of affection.

The redhead grinned fondly at the droid before turning his attention back to You. "Beedee's right. You're not just a member of the crew," he continued, his words filled with warmth. "You're family. And we're just grateful to have you back where you belong."

Tears of gratitude flowed down your cheeks as You gazed at Cal, feeling the weight of his words sink in. In that moment, surrounded by the love and acceptance of your chosen family, You knew that You were exactly where You were meant to be.

Your adventures continued, roaming the Galaxy with Cal and BD-1. Despite using your book to teach yourself Binary and spending more time with BD-1, your grasp of the language remained shaky at best, leading to frequent misunderstandings with your droid friend that often led to comical yet occasionally embarrassing moments.

During one very tense mission on a remote planet, BD-1 emitted a series of urgent beeps, which You interpreted as a call for action. Without hesitation, You activated the nearest control panel, thinking You were helping to disable a security system. But your actions did the opposite instead, triggering a blaring alarm and alerting nearby guards.

Cal chuckled softly at your mistake, but his amusement turned to concern when You misinterpreted BD-1's attempts at giving directions using the help of his holomap. Confused by the droid's beeps, You accidentally led the way into a dead-end corridor, much to Cal's bemusement.

"Oh, wrong turn…" You mumbled sheepishly, earning a sympathetic pat on the back from Cal.

As the mission progressed, so did your series of misunderstandings. At one point, BD-1 signaled for a left turn, but You mistook it for a right, resulting on a wild goose chase through a maze of corridors. Cal laughed good-naturedly as You backtracked, feeling slightly embarrassed but grateful— and very surprised—for his immense patience.

Later, during a small respite from missions, BD-1 chirped happily and nudged You, prompting You to offer the droid a sandwich You had just made.

Cal chuckled again, gently correcting your mistake. "He's asking for a power recharge, not a snack," he explained, suppressing a grin.

Blushing, You quickly helped BD-1 into the charging station, feeling a bit silly but grateful for the opportunity to learn.

As you three continued your journey, your misunderstandings with BD-1 became both more frequent and more amusing. One memorable incident during a mission on a remote outpost, BD-1 quickly warned You about a slippery surface ahead. However, You misinterpreted the droid's chirps as encouragement for a fun slide.

With a playful grin, You ran and launched yourself onto the surface, expecting a thrilling ride. Instead, your feet flew out from under You, and You landed with a loud thud that sent a cloud of dust into the air.

Cal rushed over, concern etched on his face, but as he helped You up and noticed You were fine except a few scrapes, his expression softened into a grin.

"You really need to work on your Binary," he teased, his eyes twinkling with mirth.

Blushing furiously, You burst out into laughter along with him, grateful for his good humor and unwavering support.

One evening, as the three of you sat around a campfire beneath a blanket of stars, the flames casting flickering shadows across the campsite, You couldn't help but steal glances at Cal when he wasn't looking. His red hair, illuminated by the warm glow of the fire, appeared to shimmer like molten copper, framing his face in a halo of fiery strands.

His freckled cheeks, kissed by the suns of countless worlds, added a touch of youthful charm to his rugged features. And when he laughed, his eyes sparkled like twin galaxies, filled with a light that seemed to chase away the darkness.

But it wasn't just his appearance that captivated You—it was the effortless grace with which he moved, the strength and agility evident in every fluid motion. His muscular yet lithe physique reflected countless hours spent honing his skills, preparing for the challenges that lay ahead.

Lost in admiration, You found yourself drawn to him in ways You couldn't quite explain, feeling a sense of déjà vu during that moment as You admired him. And as You watched him tend to the fire, his movements sure and purposeful, You couldn't help but feel a flutter of excitement in your chest.

While the flames danced and crackled, Cal couldn't help but steal a glance at You as well when he thought You weren't looking. He felt a surge of gratitude and relief to have You there with him, especially after the rest of the Mantis crew had split, each going their separate ways.

In those quiet moments by the campfire, Cal's thoughts drifted to the challenges you had faced together so far—the battles fought and the bonds forged in the crucible of adversity. And through it all, You had stood by his side, a constant companion whose presence filled him with a sense of hope and purpose.

He also admired your determination to learn binary, your willingness to laugh at your own mistakes, and the genuine warmth and affection You showed towards BD-1. In your company, he found a sense of peace and belonging, something he hadn't felt since the fall of the Jedi Order.

Lost in his thoughts, the redhead couldn't help but feel a surge of affection for You, grateful for your unwavering support and companionship. And as he watched You, a smile tugged at the corners of his lips.

Cal's gaze remained on You longer than usual, a hint of something more lingering in his eyes. As the crackling of the fire filled the silence, he reached out to gently brush a stray strand of hair from your face, his touch sending a shiver down your spine.

"Are you alright?" he asked softly, his voice barely above a whisper.

Caught off guard by the intensity of his gaze, You nodded, unable to tear your eyes away from his.

"I... I think so," You stuttered, your heart racing in your chest.

In that moment, the world around You seemed to fade away, leaving only the two of you in the soft glow of the campfire. Without another word, Cal leaned in closer, his lips brushing against yours in a tender, hesitant kiss.

Time seemed to stand still as You melted into his embrace, the warmth of his touch sending sparks of electricity dancing across your skin. In that moment, nothing else mattered but the two of you, lost in the embrace of the night.

As You pulled away, breathless and flushed, Cal's eyes sparkled in their intensity, his calloused hand reaching out to intertwine with yours.

"I've been wanting to do that for a long time," he admitted, his voice filled with a mixture of longing and relief.

With a smile, You squeezed his hand, feeling a sense of peace settle over You. "Me too," You whispered, knowing that in that moment, You had found something worth fighting for amidst the chaos of the Galaxy.

As You and Cal continued to lovingly gaze into each other's eyes, soft little footsteps filled the air, accompanied by the joyous chirps of BD-1. However, in your post-kiss daze, You misinterpreted the droid's enthusiastic speech, thinking he was teasing You for being all googly-eyed over Cal.

"Beebee, not now," You whispered nervously, blushing furiously as You tried to compose yourself.

Cal laughed, his eyes sparkling with amusement as he gently nudged You. "I think BeeDee is just happy for us," he teased, his tone laced with affectionate amusement.

You shot him a sheepish grin, realising You mistook the little droid once again. "I guess I still have a lot to learn," You admitted.

Cal's teasing grin softened into a warm smile as he squeezed your hand. "Well, lucky for you, I'm an excellent teacher," he replied, his teasing tone hinting at something more than just language lessons.

You couldn't help but blush at the underlying implication of his words, a flutter of excitement dancing in your chest. You leaned in to kiss him once more and as the tender moment between You and Cal lingered, bathed in the soft glow of the campfire, BD-1’s lenses suddenly whirred to life, capturing the scene in a flash of light. Startled, You pulled away from the kiss, blinking in surprise as You turned to see the droid standing nearby, his photoreceptors zooming in and out as they focused on You and Cal with mechanical precision.

“BeeBee, what are you doing?” You asked, a mixture of amusement and curiosity apparent in your voice.

Cal chuckled softly, his arm still wrapped around You as he glanced at the small droid with a playful grin. “I think BeeDee wanted to capture the moment,” he explained, his eyes alight with amusement.

You couldn’t help but laugh at the unexpected gesture, feeling a rush of warmth fill your chest at the thought of having a memento of this special moment.

“Well, I guess we’ll have to thank BeeBee for the souvenir,” You replied, leaning into Cal’s embrace with a contented sigh, giggling when You heard the little droid let out an excited “Whoop!” in response.

You, Cal and BD-1 settled back into the quiet comfort of the night, the image captured by BD’s lenses served as a reminder of the bond You shared with the other Jedi—a bond formed from friendship and love.

As silence once again fell upon the campsite, You found yourself lost in a moment of quiet reflection. The memory of how Cal and BD-1 had found You, helping You escape from the stormtroopers, flooded your mind with a wave of gratitude. If it hadn't been for them, You might not be here, nestled in Cal's arms, sharing laughter and companionship under the starry sky.

With a sweet smile, You turned to Cal, the flickering flames casting shadows across his features. "You know," You began softly, "I often find myself thinking about that day when a Jedi and a droid came into my life. If it weren't for you, I don't know where I'd be now. Thank you, Cal, for everything."

Cal's gaze met yours, his expression tender and sincere. "You don't have to thank me," he replied gently. "I'm just grateful that we found each other. You've become a part of our family, and I wouldn't have it any other way."

His words warmed your heart, filling You with a sense of belonging that You had never known before. With a grateful nod, You leaned even further into his embrace, savoring the comfort and reassurance of his presence. In that moment, surrounded by the silence of the night, the warmth of Cal's love and the joyous chatter of BD-1, You knew that You were exactly where You were meant to be.

[reiluvr]

JEALOUSY, JEALOUSY

small drabble of suguru realizing some thoughts he didn't know he had

i think this is fluff. pretty sure

someone please give me a good au im dying to write an au for the jjk boys

one day ill write something thats actually a story and not just a 10 minute ramble.

Geto Suguru has never once seriously thought about harming Gojo Satoru. Except maybe for now. He's aware of how his clipped nails dig into his palm, his bangs hovering over his eyes as he stares at the floor. His ears perk up and he resists the urge to summon a curse when he hears your small giggles after Satoru makes another one of his obnoxious jokes. He takes a deep breathe, lifting his head. He almost wishes he hadn't when his eyes land on how you lean against Satoru, his arm inching around your waist as you laugh. Suguru grips the edge of the bench he's on, a small voice deep in the back of his mind reminding him to keep his strength in check lest he splinter the wood.

Suguru loves you. You love him back. He knows this. Yet, he can't help it as his mind wanders. It's almost painful how hard he winces when his thoughts dive somewhere they've never been before. Was he...jealous of Satoru? Of course not! Satoru is his best friend. He's glad his best friend is the stronges- Oh. Suguru is jealous. His mind swirls as a sudden chill washes over him. Why does Gojo get everything he wants? It's all so easy for him, he can do anything he wants. Please, if there's a god out there, don't let him take her too. Before he can spiral even further, he's startled out of his silence when a weight falls onto his lap. He blinks, staring at your face as you smile back at him. Your voice seems small, or maybe he just isn't hearing well, his eyes trained on yours.

Suguru? We've been calling you for ages? Hmm, are you sick?

He shakes his head, clearing his mind as he mumbles.

M'fine. Sorry, what were you saying, sweet girl?

He doesn't even bother fighting the smile that pulls his lips at the way you avoid eye contact as he practically purrs the pet name.

Satoru and I were wondering if you wanna come with us to the store down at the corner of that weird CD shop. I know you were hoping to get the new album you always talk about, ah, I can't remember the name. Whatever, you can get it while Satoru and I pick out some party decorations at the store. Shoko said Haibara's birthday is around the corner. Oh! And also, we should probably get a-

Suguru is barely even processing your words, eyes hazy as he smiles and nods along to whatever you're saying. You're only brought out of your rambling when you hear Satoru gagging.

We going or no? I don't have time to stand around watching you two be all lovey.

You roll your eyes, hopping off of Suguru as you place your hand in his, pulling him off the bench as you drag him with you.

Sorry that no one wants you, Toru <3

WHAT!? Everyone wants me! You know what, just wait till we're in the city, I'll get the number of the first girl we see!

As if! I bet she'll call the cops.

Suguru chuckles, shaking his head. He loves you. And he trusts you love him back. That's good enough for him. He tries his best to forget the unwanted thoughts in his mind as he lets you two drag him to the city.

[ramblingoak]

Building A Family

Another peek into the steampunk Copia fic I'm working on because I can't help myself. Check out the previous story here: Clockwork Friends.

A young Copia (probably about 5 or 6 years old) trying to settle in at his new home.

Warnings: angst, sfw, 1k words (thank you to @gothdaddyissues for the dividers!)

Copia’s oldest clockwork rat is Aldo and he made him when he was just a young boy, barely able to read and write.

After being dropped off to live with his apparent father Nihil, Copia was mostly left to his own devices.  His brothers were busy with their own lives and didn’t want to deal with the burden of another Emeritus heir.  The sprawling estate they lived on was closed off from the rest of the city by high walls that were patrolled by mechanical golems.  Not to mention the reputation of the Emeritus family itself.  Most of the city was convinced they were more machine than human these days.  

On a particularly lonely day Copia found himself near tears as he wandered the halls. He spent the beginning of his life in an orphanage surrounded by other children.  An endless amount of people to play with and talk to.  Here it was just him.  It was bad enough his own family didn’t seem to want anything to do with him but even the ghouls avoided him.  

Copia finally stopped when he walked by a strangely silent grandfather clock.  It loomed over him much like Nihil had done the day he was picked up from the orphanage.  The hands of the clock were still and Copia’s fingers started twitching, the urge to fix it growing stronger by the second.  It wasn’t until he had dragged a nearby chair over and started taking the clock face apart that he had an idea for another purpose for it.

“Can you hear me?”

It was hours later, the grandfather clock now just a corpse of its former self.  Copia had brought all the parts he needed into his room and spread them out on the floor.  A ghoul had come by when it had gotten dark, dropping off a plate of food and getting a fire going.  He had lingered for some time after, seemingly content to silently watch Copia work.  They had only left when Copia found himself getting frustrated when the tiny creature in front of him remained silent.

Tears began to prick at his eyes again and he struggled to keep them from falling down his cheeks.  He was just so lonely, all he wanted was something to keep him company.  It didn’t matter to him whether it was a machine or not.  Right now he had no one.  No friends…no family…just an empty house full of memories he wasn’t a part of.  With a whimper he dropped his head into his hands, his small shoulders starting to shake as the tears started to come in earnest. 

“Try this.”  Copia’s head shot up, his eyes meeting that of the ghoul that had managed to sneak back in.  The firelight danced across his silver mask and Copia shivered when it made it seem like his eyes were on fire as well.  He finally looked down to see a small metal object in its hand, the gold contrasting with the black metal of his fingers.  “This will bring it to life.”

After a few more trips to the destroyed grandfather clock Copia had re-worked his little creation to utilize what the ghoul had brought him.  Copia’s hand shook as he inserted the gold key into its back.  He could hear the gears turn as he twisted it, over and over again until he felt confident it was enough.  As delicately as possible he lowered it back to the ground, afraid to let go in case it didn’t work.  

In case his new friend remained silent.

“It’s ok.”  

Copia looked up at the ghoul, forgetting he had stuck around to watch.  It was impossible to know what the ghoul was thinking but Copia saw something in his eyes that he had only seen a few other times in his young life.  Kindness and understanding shone there, emotions so strong that Copia had to look away quickly lest he got upset again.  He took a deep breath and slowly pulled his hands away, trembling as he waited for something to happen.

It was slow at first, timid as it began to move around the rug Copia was sitting on.  After a few unsure first steps it gained confidence and crept closer to him on shaky legs.  Copia was afraid to touch it, afraid he’d break the spell the small thing might be under.  When a tiny metal paw touched his leg Copia finally smiled and reached down to scoop it up in his hands.

“Hello.”  The small metal rat twitched its nose, as if it could smell whether Copia was a friend or not.  “H-how do you feel?”

The door to his room opening and closing made him look up briefly but Copia didn’t give the ghoul leaving another thought.  He was too enamored by what he had created.  The clockwork rat was busy looking around the room, his limbs still shaky against Copia’s hands.  He was already thinking of ways to improve the design, of how he could make his new friend stronger.  

After a few moments its small body started to stop, the key moving slower and slower on its back.  Copia set it back down on the rug and ran a finger up and down its head.  It was a comforting gesture for both of them and neither one looked away from each other until the key had completely stopped.  

Copia sat back on his heels, his eyes quickly looking around the room as he thought of what he would need.  He had a responsibility now to his new friend.  He needed to take care of it, to make it healthy and happy.  Copia was prepared to do whatever he could to make sure that happened.  With a grunt he stretched out on his stomach in front of the rat, reaching out and winding the key up again.  When it came to life once more it immediately walked forward and bumped noses with him.

“I’m going to name you Aldo, ok?”  The rat's nose moved across his face, the small whiskers he had given him tickling his cheek.  “Welcome home.”

Some more baby steampunk Copia here 💙

If you'd like to be added/removed from the tag list (or if I accidentally left your name off) of this fic or any of my others please leave a comment or send me a dm! Thank you 💙

My Masterlist ~ My Archive of our Own ~ My Ko-Fi Tip Jar

[house-strong]

— KAIROSCLEROSIS ʾ ⋆

summary ; requested by anon.

“Hey can u write something about daemon x strong reader. Her father and brothers are against their relationship so he takes her way on rhaenyra’s wedding night, maybe some fluff in the end of them getting back to kings landing to visit with their children.”

pairing ; daemon targaryen x house strong!reader

notes ; daemon smiling is something very important to me,, kinda lengthy since it tells leaving kings landing, being away, then coming back. lots of scenery jumps

even before being brought to the royal court by your father, lyonel strong, and accompanied by your brother, harwin strong, they had warned you of the princes ability to charm anything with two legs. harwin, being the dutiful captain under daemon’s command, had many stories to share about his commander. much of his story’s were warning you and dissuading any possible chance of kindling a relation between you and the targaryen prince.

they, however, had not tried hard enough.

the first time you appeared in court, it was no secret that there was an obvious and mutual attraction for one another between you and daemon targaryen. although his gaze was once set upon his niece, rhaenyra targaryen, it now fixated on you, the lady (y/n) of house strong.

daemon had done anything he could (within respect of course, as his station as prince and brother of king urged the latter to plead daemon to use caution); take you for walks around the red keep, lecture you about dragon history’s and answered your questions with patience, and he even brought you out and about on the streets of kings landing. you were reluctant when he offered, but he had assured you that you’d be protected under his watch.

soon, kind words and thoughtful actions of chivalrous courtship had morphed into flirty, flippant remarks uttered under your breaths and lingering touches that slowly became inappropriate for two, unmarried members of different houses. daemon didn’t necessarily care for proper courtship between two individuals, but he always treaded carefully in the public eye because he knew what your family meant to you and to his brother. though it was often annoying, he had reassured himself that everything would fall into place. besides, you were quickly becoming more than just a late night tryst.

the tryst that developed between you both had exhilarated you; to be doing something your lord father commanded against and to finally feel free against the claws of the dominating patriarchy and their rules. once a week had turned to twice a week, to thrice a week, then to almost every night in a row for what felt like forever. stealing kisses in between making rounds about the red keep, using the secret hallways to meet up and have fun on the hidden balconies. it was exciting to be desired this way and it reminded you of the story’s you read when you were younger – of sworn knights who had taken their maiden lady and eloped to the far cities in essos.

your father did very little to show that he cared for your thoughts on daemon. every time his name was brought up, lyonel did his best to pivot the conversation or shut it down entirely. at some point, you got so fed up that you stopped talking to him for a week. a week full of torment for your father, but a week full of clarity and thought for you. after your little protest, your father had did the best he could to listen to you dreamily gush about the dragon prince about his latest adventures without rolling an eye or huffing.

then came the princess rhaenyra’s wedding to ser laenor velaryon.

a laugh across the room draws daemon’s eyes from the royal high table. he spots you, your head thrown back as your brother, harwin, tells you something that daemon assumes is funny. daemon allows a faint smile to form on his lips, his hand playing with his silverware as he observes your features. he knows them like he knows the back of his hand; he knows every freckle, every mole, and every sun-kissed spot.

“the maiden of harrenhal is a beauty, isn’t she?” maiden. daemon notices that it’s his brother whose address him, so he turns his head to acknowledge him. he nods his head slowly, his eyes returning to you as your brother takes your hand and escorts you to the center of the room where everyone else had gathered to dance.

daemon moves to get up, but stops when viserys’s pale fingers enclose around his wrist, “do not do something that would disgrace our family, daemon.”

“have i ever?” daemon isn’t around to hear his question go answered, for he had already begun to descend the steps from the high table and make a slow beeline towards the shapes of you and ser harwin. you and harwin are dancing rather beautifully, like two flames conjoining to one. he knew that you and harwin shared a special bond, he was your elder brother, and ever so your fiercest protector. he wondered how harwin would feel about daemon’s plan.

“ser harwin, may i?” daemon interrupts, causing harwin’s wide-toothed smile to slowly dissipate. harwin greets him by a mere ‘my prince,’ bows his head, and allows you to be taken by his commander. your smile doesn’t leave your face when you see daemon and he feels his heart soar. with a suave smirk and a low voice, he greets, “my lady.”

“ever the charmer, are you, my prince?” you respond, curtsying and lowering your gaze for a moment. my prince. you merely calling him by his title is enough to send a thrilling shiver down his spine – the healthy power dynamic is something he loves and craves.

you begin to dance with daemon, one of his hands at the small of your back and the other holding your hand. his hands are warm and gentle, though the callouses on his hand, from years of wielding a sword you assumed, are hard to miss. you two follow the dance pattern of the crowd, weaving in and out with practiced footwork.

“come away with me,” he suddenly says. the question, or rather statement (or maybe it was a demand?), catches you off guard. your brows furrow and the smile drops from your face.

you execute the next move of the dance you’re doing flawlessly, “what do you mean, daemon?”

despite his garments that padded his shoulders, you see a faint rise and fall. his hands gently guide you into step with him, not before he moves away slightly and pulls you into a twirl. a soft grunt leaves him as you collide with his chest – a misstep that was your error.

“i mean,” he drops your hands and moves away, you both encircle each other as the dance requires. once you’re close again, practically chest to chest, “you and me, on the back of caraxes, flying away to see the wonders the world has to offer.”

a most generous proposition, but you’d be away from your family and friends. then again, daemon can be your family. there was no father to disapprove of this relationship, no court to snicker and sneer at the sight of you together, and no brother that wouldn’t hesitate to get the dragon’s claws off you. daemon sees this discontent and gently grasps your chin with his forefinger and thumb, pushing your head up to lock eyes with you. the dance is suddenly forgotten and you’re both standing in the middle of a dance circle, unmoving.

“what do you say?” he asks, his voice low with a sense of urgency. his own brows furrow as he tries to understand your facial expressions – discontent begins to gnaw on his insides as he rocks on his feet subconsciously. in a barely audible whisper, “say yes.”

without a word exchanged, you and daemon seem to understand. not a second later, the dragon prince is guiding you from the floor, using the cover of the lords and lady’s of court to leave undetected. guilt begins to crawl through your skin – what would your father say? you shake the thought from your head and fall into step with daemon. all your life you had spent being the perfect, dutiful daughter, now it was time for you to start living for you.

you both reach your apartment within the castles holdfast and quickly, together, you both scrounge up your things and hastily throw them into bags.

the rest of the night spirals into a whirlwind. you’re both sneaking towards the dragonpit where his mount, caraxes, was stabled. when you two had reached the red beast, he saddled him as quick as he could before helping you and your things onto the saddle.

with a command given in valyrian, caraxes exits the dragonpit with a hiss and flys through the sky with ease. you two left king’s landing and arrived at a city in essos where daemon had connections, and a place to call home.

and now, roughly six years later, you were married with one child and another on the way.

the child, of course, bore strong resemblance to her father. with silver wisps of hair and dark eyes, daemon was enamored with the child. every moment he spent awake was a moment more spent with his daughter. he was completely and utterly devoted. you were once his priority, but after the birth, you were demoted to second. though it may not seem as romantic, you weren’t envious or jealous of the newfound attention your babe was receiving from your husband. instead, it swelled your heart with warmth and ignited a long lasting flame within you.

your hand is resting on your stomach as you watch daemon teach your daughter high valyrian. she stumbles on certain enunciations, especially ones with similar sounds, but she catches on quick, which pleases her father. he mutters something to her in the language, both their heads turning to take a look at you before breaking off into quiet giggles.

“what are you two giggling about?” you mused, head lolling to the side as your attention is taken away from observing the distant city in the night. you see both of them, hair messily tied back and grins that light up their faces. you can’t help but smile yourself. no wonder why daemon was so consumed with the well-being of his daughter – she was exactly him and he exactly her.

your daughter opens her mouth to confess what her father and herself were talking about, though it’s quickly shut down when daemon shushes her softly and holds one of his fingers to his lips. she blushes and looks up at him bashfully, a smile still strong on her features.

“our little secret, hm?” he hums gently, the baritone in his voice sounding like velvet in your ears. he gently puts her on the floor from his lap, “off to bed now, my love.”

you watch her stand on her tippy toes to give him a kiss and she hurriedly rushes to where you sat, giving your face multiple kisses. your smile only widens. she waves to both of you before allowing one of the handmaidens to escort her to her room.

“my brother has sent for us,” daemon says slowly. he’s looking down at his hands, eyes memorizing every callous and scar that littered his palm. he finally looks up and there’s a certain twinkle to it; the only type of twinkle he got when he talked about his brother. daemon wasn’t one for sentimental exchanges with his brother, but there was always some telltale sign that showed how much he adored his older brother.

“and?” you respond, head straightening as you observe him. he inhales deeply, one of his hands tucking a stray strand of his own hair behind his ear. “we can’t defy an order from a king, daemon.”

“he didn’t send it as our king, he sent it as my brother,” he counters quickly, eyes shooting towards you. “i want him to see his niece, before he,” he pauses, as if unable to finish his sentence.

it wasn’t a secret that his brothers health had gone downhill. the constant exchange of messengers between westeros and essos concerning the wellbeing of the king was obviously taking a toll on daemon and not helping quell his anxiety.

“then what are we waiting for?”

that night, daemon had ordered the servants to pack your things and baggage them on caraxes. although pregnant, daemon assured you that he would fly as gently as he could. how he would achieve that, you didn’t know, but you were thankful for the thought.

a few hour flight had brought you to the castle you two had left all those years ago. it looks the same; red, towering walls and banners that proudly fly red and black targaryen sigils. you clutch on to the saddle, hair blowing wildly in the wind as caraxes makes his rounds to land within the dragonpit.

there’s a company that greets you and leads you to the way of the red keep. your child walks in between you and daemon, hands clutching yours as she makes sure to stay hidden behind her father. the red keep is all the same with little to no obvious changes.

soon, your family enters the great hall, where king viserys, princess rhaenyra, and your father and brother await. smiles parts the lips of all in the room and it’s harwin who moves first. he crosses the room in a few steps, arms wrapping around you. daemon abandons you and moves towards his brother, who he greets with a bashful smile.

lyonel is quick to join harwin and soon, his arms are around you as well when harwin releases you from his grasp. your father has tears welling in his eyes.

“how have you been, my sweet girl?” your fathers voice is soft in your ear and when he pulls away, his face is flushed with a blush. you lean in to give him a kiss.

“i’ve never been better or happier, father.” there’s a tug on your skirt that causes you to look down. you see your daughter whose eyes are wide as a does. you reach down and pick her up, settling her into the nook of your hip. “this, my love, is your grandsire.”

your father is quick to coo at the baby, his hand gently prodding her hands. she’s quick to grab on to them.

“she’s a beauty,” he marvels through a breath, “i would say she looks like you but,” he pauses, then all three of you burst into quiet chuckles. “may i?”

you allow your father to take your daughter into his hold. there’s a certain feeling that blossoms in your chest when you see your dad and your daughter. it makes you wonder what would’ve been if you had stayed in westeros.

your hand moves to your belly, “we have another one coming.”

“hopefully, she or he looks like they’re from house strong.” harwin is the first to put a hand on your belly, his brown curls bouncing with volume. you tut playfully, giving him a look, one that he mirrors.

you take a moment to look across the room where daemon and viserys stood talking. smiles and looks of adoration are shared between them. daemon seems to feel your gaze for he turns his head.

between the both of you, mindlessly, you thought you’d stay for a while.

[lunatic-pudge]

Toothaches and Cuddles (Sniper x GN! Reader)

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It's 6am, my wisdom teeth hurt, and I'm caring for a very sick baby right now. I also haven't gone to bed yet either, writing this instead. Please enjoy my mid little story, I've never really written anything and posted it anywhere, so this is a big step for me. I know this isn't much, but I'm sleep deprived and trying.

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Pain. Searing, throbbing pain.

That's the only thing that can be felt right now. Pain. The worst part is where the pain is located. Deep in the recesses of their mouth. Hidden deep within the tooth, festering away. An agony that seems neverending.

Laying on the mattress in the camper van, holding the side of their face in excruciating agony, unable to do anything except listen to the music that softly played. The urge to bite down fiercely onto something is strong, like it would bring relief to the aching tooth, yet, it would only induce more pain, and another set of tears to spill. Damn that psychotic Medic for being away on a contract. It's like he knew that his help was desperately needed at the moment and chose to leave. What a sick sadist.

While they laid scrunched up in a fetal position, safely covered by a couple of blankets, they laid knowing that there beloved assassin would return soon, ready to embrace and comfort them, helping to temporarily alleviate the nonstop pain.

As if he had read their thoughts, the door to the camper swung open and entered the lanky huntsman. He wasted no time kicking off his cowboy boots and discarding his hat and sunglasses, climbing the ladder to join his darling in the bed. He laid facing them, engulfing their petite frame in his warmth. His embrace brought a comfort like no other. The throbbing toothache seemingly lessened a bit, making it not a major focus anymore.

"I missed you."

"I missed you too, roo."

Who knew such a rugged bushman could bring such comfort. A serene peace fell upon the camper as the lovers laid intertwined within each other. Words didn't need to be exchange to know how much they loved each other. A gentle caress here and a kiss there, everything was peaceful. The music played softly into the air, helping to relax any remaining tension.

Pain a long forgotten memory now as they snuggled closer to their beloved. The sound of his heartbeat was strong, drowning out the music they were once listening to.

As the lovers continued to cuddle, slowly but surely, they began to drift off. Sleep pulling them both into it's spell. To whisk them off into another world where they'd still be together. A world where pain was not known. Before succumbing to the dream world, they made sure to make a metal note to give the Medic a piece of their mind when he came back.

[oubliette-odette]

The Reluctance of Love, Pt. 2

I've been having a little too much fun writing this story. I will admit, not a lot happens in this chapter - but I promise the next chapter will be good. Just a reminder that this a (sort of) slow burn.

Orc Male x Half-Elf Male, Fated Mates, Forbidden Love, Slow Burn Part 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9 Word Count: 2750 (average 20 min read) Content Warnings: mention of mating, nothing happens....yet ;) All orcish is from orcishdictionary.com, created by Matt Vancil. Not beta-read. Criticism is welcome, but be sure to distinguish criticism from hate.

I hated myself for leaving Altan there. But I knew that I would hate myself more if I did anything to him.

I remember when I was a child I had always been afraid of mating. It felt like without any choice from either person - you were expected to be intimate with them. I never liked that my body would do something to me that I couldn't control. My broodmothers always told me it was the gift of Gruumsh that assured the vitality and strength of the orc races. It was something that would be mutually felt between partners. I still didn't like it, and I still was afraid of my own body for much of my childhood.

I left home for many reasons: the fact that I was a constant reminder of my father's and broodmothers' shame. The fact that there was no one left my age unmated. But also because I knew that if I left, I would reduce the chance of finding a mate. Lordhovid only would happen with a female orc. The world beyond would reduce my chances of every having to experience it, should it ever happen to me.

I sometimes wondered if I never experienced the urge to mate because I simply didn't want it. But Gruumsh be damned, I found myself in a greater predicament than even experiencing lordhovid. My greatest fear turned out to be worse than I could have imagined.

My relationship with my home and my culture was complicated. I desired to be seen as valuable and needed by my family, but I only brought shame as long as I was unable to give them children. I left for not only my own sake, but for the sake of my family. But I still carried with me a pride of my people and a want to do what was right and I carried a hope that maybe someday I could earn their love back.

My life-partner, my raebukam, the one my body began to burn for was someone I couldn't possibly be with. If I were to return with Altan to my homeland - radiant Altan who remained golden in my memories - I would be dishonored. To bring a partner who could neither bear children or fight for the tribe would spell my damnation.

Altan...I wished I had never learned his name. Altan. Altan. His name was seared into me, branded in my memories. I wished I could have met him under different circumstances. I wished I could love him and not hurt him. I wished I could have known that his feelings for me would be returned without lordhovid influencing him.

I stayed in my tiny room above the forge for the next two days. Feverish and overheated, I struggled through the days. I hadn't been able to buy enough food and I knew eventually I'd have to leave. But I insisted I couldn't leave. I would live with this if I must. I wouldn't give in to this lust. It wasn't mine. I could control it.

On the the third day, however, I heard a pounding at my door.

I was curled on the mattress on the floor that served as my bed - I could never find a bed big enough for my size - and caught in a feverish daze, trying to not think about Altan.

"Drunrag?!" Someone shouted from the other side of the door.

My heart leapt up to my throat. I knew that voice. It was like music.

Altan.

I shrank into the corner of my room, panic formed in the pit of my stomach. "No," I rasped. "You can't be here." The last two days had been near hell - I didn't know if I could be strong enough to stop myself now.

"Drunrag...please open the door." His own voice sounded exhausted. Guilt and shame flooded through me. He had been experiencing his own symptoms of lordhovid, and I had left him to suffer them alone. I selfishly had only considered myself.

Damn you, Drunrag.

"I'm not above considering breaking this door down." He said. "It's taken me these last two days to find you, and it's been absolute hell. I'm not leaving until we have a chance to talk."

"You should if you wish to be safe." I yelled back. My voice cracked from disuse and panic. "I don't want this."

"Look, I'm still not entirely sure of all that's happening to us. But I trust you not to hurt me. Can we please just talk and see what solution we can come to?"

I struggled to my feet, and stumbled to the door. I hesitated, my hand at the lock. "I'm...are you certain?"

"Just. Open the damn door, please."

I hadn't considered that Altan could posses such fire in him.

Admittedly, I knew nothing about him. I fled before I could know him. I only understood one thing: that my body wanted him.

I slid the lock back and cracked the door open. My eyes alighted upon seeing those wide, golden eyes. Altan. Gods, he really was glowing. I let out a breath that I must have been holding since I left him. The pulling in my chest lessened, now that it felt the closeness of my raebukam. However, it was painful to be so close and be denied what my body screamed for. I felt the heat inside me begin to stir again.

"Ummm," He looked up and down through the crack, a weary yet sardonic smile crossing his face. "Do you expect me to converse through this crack? I think not. Gods, where is your sense of hospitality?" He pushed against the door, and I - too stunned to do anything really - was like a leaf, easily knocked back by the small, slender man before me. I crashed against my wall and watched him step into the room. My mouth was agape as I watched him barge in.

In that moment, I studied him, really took a good look at him. He didn't seem tall for a humanoid, but his head looked like it only reached my pecs. He dressed a bit differently than I typically saw in the streets. More loose, airy clothes that exposed his golden brown skin. His coppery curls were long, but appeared mussed and unkempt, like he hadn't been taking care of himself for quite a few days.

I watched as he studied my home. It was a simply layout, a kitchen and a bedroom. The outhouse was outside. His lips were open just slightly as he took in everything. He turned suddenly to gaze into my bedroom. As he turned, the smell of sunny wheat fields overwhelmed my senses. I shuddered and closed my eyes, ignoring the pulsating inside me that urged me to grab him and pull him towards me. Everything about him was tantalizing.

He sighed. "I should have expected this. There's really not much here." He peered into the room where my mattress lay and he frowned, "If you expect me to sleep with you there, I absolutely refuse." He turned to look at me. "You may be an orc, but that doesn't mean I will resort to your way of making love. I expect our first time to be better than...this." He gestured to the general space, which I wondered if I should find offensive, but my mind quickly slipped beyond that thought to the fact that I heard him discuss potentially sleeping together...

There couldn't possibly be a chance...not in any of the nine hells. Gods tell me he's joking.

"What did you say?" I said. "You're not actually considering..."

He stepped towards me, his voice was sharp and direct. "It's not like we have another solution, right? I've had two days to ponder this. It seems you and I are deemed a worthy pairing according to your mating instinct. And strangely, my own body seems to be confirming those same feelings. If you and I are to function at all in our lives - we have to do as our bodies tell us. We must mate. Correct?"

I couldn't look at him. It was too embarrassing. I could feel my face burning with shame, but also with anger. How could he possible suggest this when I didn't want this.

"I'll take that as a yes." He said, his voice softened.

I looked up to see him. He was standing in my home. My tiny, cramped little space with only a kitchen and a bedroom. He looked perfectly normal in it. But I could see the dark circles under his eyes, the way his hair looked like it hadn't been washed or combed since I last saw him. His own breathing was heavy, like mine. His stance looked as if he were carrying an intense weight. A weight that we could remove....if I could just give in to lordhovid.

But I couldn't. I shook my head. "No, I'm not mating with you."

"What exactly is holding you back from this?" He asked. "I apologize if this may come across ignorant, I've only met a handful of orcs in my lifetime, all of them much older than me, but I was raised to believe that orcs found great pleasure in their mating customs. Help me to understand...is it that you find me unlikable?"

I grunted. Unlikeable? No, Altan seemed friendly enough, savvy enough and possessed a lot of spirit. It wasn't something I found in most people I encountered. He seemed honest too.

I shook my head. "No."

He took a step towards me, to which I took a panicked step back.

"Do I repulse you?"

I shook my head again and grunted. I found that he did the exact opposite, I couldn't focus because my eyes would wander to all of his various features. His large, golden eyes. His full lips that always seemed quirked into a smile. His exposed chest, bare and smooth. His ear poking through those soft-looking curls. No, I could not say I found him remotely repulsive.

"Are you afraid of me?" He asked.

That, I hesitated. Yes I was afraid. Of him. Of me. But mostly of what was keeping us together: lordhovid. I was scared what it would do to me, do to Altan and of how its influence brought me here.

He cocked his head. "You're afraid of me." He said it that time as a statement, not a question.

I shook my head, "I am afraid of what you are."

"A half-elf?" He laughed. "We're not known for being terrifying."

I couldn't laugh, not at that moment. I looked at him with a dark expression. "I'm afraid of you as my life-partner. I didn't want this, nor did you ask for this."

His laughter faded and his expression softened. "You really didn't choose to do this to me, did you? You didn't choose me?"

I shook my head. "lordhovid is meant to draw together those who will bear the strongest children for the orc tribe."

"Huh...curious." He said, his voice was light, curious more than anything. I wondered how none of this seemed to be affecting him as much as it affected me. He thought for a moment. "You mentioned that you were broken."

Krandad. Broken. I had grown accustomed to be called that by my broodmothers when I remained the last one unmated from my litter.

I shifted where i stood. To speak on the most intimate, sacred part of my culture to someone who was being so kind and patient to me. Someone I should trust. I somehow felt out of place, like a child. "I am unmated. It is shameful for an orc to be unmated. At first I thought it was something wrong with me. But I believe it because it's my choice."

He studied me. I didn't like his eyes on me for so long. I could feel the burning of his stare and it made my own heated skin surge with longing and want. "You don't want to mate at all, is that what you mean?"

I gave a small nod.

"Then why are we here now?" He asked.

I shook my head, "I don't know. But you were not given a choice. Nor was I. You are a stranger...and I have damned your fate to be with me." I bowed my head, looking away from him somehow made everything in my body feel so much worse. "You have my deepest apologies."

He didn't answer, didn't speak. I worried I had upset him somehow. I glanced up, and saw him staring back at me. His gaze was like the sun on my face, warming my body through every part.

"You are an honorable man, Drunrag." He said, gently. "I see that your sense of honor and your moral standing are greater than even most men. I understand that...this," He gestured between myself and him "Isn't something you want." He closed his eyes for a moment, then laughed. "You're a more complicated person than I anticipated." His eyes were like small lines when he laughed. I liked his laugh.

"I'm sorry." I said, my voice low. I didn't mean to be complicated.

"Let me make a proposition for you, then, Drunrag." He stood tall, as tall as he could against me, it was amusing to see him puff his chest and stretch his shoulders back.

"I'm listening." I said.

"You and I will not mate." He said, he smile awkwardly. "We'll see if we can manage our lives with this symptom. I'll treat it like a cold. Just a really hot, heavy, feverish cold. Who knows, maybe it eventually goes away. Or, you could see if there's some kind of potion? Spell? A Sorcerer, perhaps, that could remove it for you. And if we find that it's too much. Well, I know where you live. Let's say we reconvene in a month and see if we need to revisit option number one."

He smiled warmly at me, and it made my insides twist. Why was he being so understanding of my situation?

"You're being too kind." I said.

He shrugged, "What else can I do? I won't force myself on you, I would hate myself for that, handsome as you are."

Handsome? He must have been trying to be polite. Nothing more. Except that I didn't know how to answer him, and I felt the silence between us build uncomfortably.

"Well," He said with a forced smile. "I suppose there's nothing more to do, right?"

I hesitated before I nodded to him. "Right?"

He looked around the space once more, and then back up to me. "I would like to think maybe we could be friends...once all of this is over?"

His smile was more genuine as he cast his attention my way. He really did have a glow to him, an aura of warmth that made him easy to like. I wondered then if maybe it would be so bad sleep with him...just once. What would it feel like to hold him? I looked down a bit and caught the slight curve of his waist. I imagined my arms...

I clenched my eyes shut, closing the thought before my body reached a new temperature.

"Thank you, Altan, for your understanding." I said, gaining my composure. "In a month's time."

His smile faltered for just a moment, a brief look of wanting and disappointment, before he nodded his head and made his way to the door. "In a month's time."

The door shut behind him and I felt his presence on the other side of it. I pondered our last interaction together. Why did he seem so disappointed?

It was frustrating to feel that tug and pull inside me that tried to pull me back to him. I shoved the urge away and locked the door after I felt some distance between us. Would I always know approximately where he was? Would I ever sense his emotions or if he was in danger?

I ran my hands through my hair, several times, to try to distract myself from the heat and pressure inside me. I was stronger than my bodily urges. I was stronger than the pull that kept me near Altan. I was stronger than all of that. I repeated the words as I looked around my now empty apartment.

Was this really to be my life from now on?

[mamasplat]

Why do I care so much about deciphering character ages in Pokemon?

Simply put, angst. Or in long terms-

The art of storytelling is not so cut and dry, anyone with basic media literacy knows this. There is so much subtext and unspoken information that rings loudly in the implications of a story, something as simple as the age of an MC will dictate how heavily their experiences will affect them. Using the Gen6 games as examples (XY and Omega Ruby specifically)

By figuring out where to place Calem Serena and Zinnia in age, the story they live through gains added context. They all share the same bracket of 18-19 meaning they are in they’re late late teens and budding into the incoming subconscious weight of young adulthood, the subconscious urge to be stronger and reckless to prove yourself as capable in the real world; while still being young and having so much to learn. They have further motive to get involved in the heavy actions they take and will fall and break down even harder when they fail. Such is the right of growing up.

And for more adult characters, the same still holds true.

Doing the same thing I did with the kalos protags age by calculating off of a canon characters official age (emma) and then taking into account mannerisms dialogue and design; Admin Tabitha from team magma is officially 27, stated by himself. So going off of the work place hierarchy, Leader Maxie with his experience and status should be in his late 40s to maybe early 50s, making him the prime age for an early onset midlife crisis, linking that to his past relationships with Archie and the reasoning for making his team, his clear strong sense of justice even if misplaced, you have a man who can quickly spiral into a rather pitiful sight if pushed too hard in the wrong direction. First he bares his teeth, then he whines. Like a scared dog trying to protect itself and the image he has made for himself.

Meanwhile Courtney who is evidently more experienced than Tabitha is confirmed to have been with the team longer than him, as his paperwork is still seated on her desk, seems to be in her early 20s, I originally assumed she was in her mid 20s but then she released in pokemon masters and I was able to study her behavior more closely, she has this uncanny glimpse of childlike wonder at times that makes me believe she’s maybe younger than Tabitha, that added to the fact Tabitha seems to look out for her with her social struggles, almost taking on a brotherly role it seems.

Her being in her early twenties adds more weight to her codependency on Maxie as well as her reckless devotion, she’s younger and somewhat impressionable, she’s not against violent action to protect her passions.

And because I was able to gather Courtney had more experience while being younger I can come to the conclusion that it’s very possible Courtney was a science prodigy of some sort, as she is known in her field. And seeing she’s been with team magma longer and has evident close bonds with Maxie, it’s even more possible they worked together when she was younger.

Originally that led me to the thought she might have worked in relation to the Devon corporation, but with the art of visual storytelling in Sea Mauville, it’s not insane to assume Archie and Maxie may have worked together with the Mauville Corporation and that’s what makes them so jaded in modern day, a bad work environment being a stepping stone to their fall from grace. By Sea Mauville’s writings alone I don’t see them being against overworking a young teen prodigy. It’s possible maybe leader Maxie knew Courtney from his time there and brought her onto his team when the company went under. (This also means I need to retcon tf out of my in character Courtney blog.)

This also can explain Courtney’s role playing more into a team disciplinary, her time in Sea Mauville so young could’ve taught her to be more aggressive in order to earn her respect and get better outcome from rookie labor, as it’s heavily shown grunts seem to fear Courtney in some respects.

And ALL of this is merely the writing on the wall I can read when I take into account the age of our cast

[suleikashideaway]

All this love for ff8 flying around tumblr right now has got me thinking. 

So many people were so moved by this game that twenty-five years later we’re all banging our fists on the table and crying about it? It leaves me stunned. For so long I thought I was the only one. 

[Huge text post under the cut. As I wrote this I realized just how much soul-baring I was doing. This was emotional to write and just as emotional to share. Thank you to those of you who bravely paved the way with your personal stories so that I would feel strong enough to do the same. Sorry this got stupid-long lol]

My own journey with ff8, as it turns out, is very much tied to my journey in discovering writing. It overwhelms me to think of how my life is so much better thanks to both things. And how my life was potentially saved by both things.

Back in the early aughts I was not privileged enough to have any gaming consoles. My best friend, though, had just gotten a PS1 and the very first game she had was ff8. I would go over to her house every single Sunday afternoon and sit, transfixed, as she played through it. I had never seen anything like it before. We would read the dialogue boxes out loud (I was always Selphie, Zell, and Rinoa, she was always Squall, Irvine, and Quistis) and she was kind enough to save the important cut scenes on separate memory slots so I could see whatever she had played throughout the week. 

I remember adoring the cutesyness of Squall and Rinoa’s dynamic and crying when I saw the ending. But there was something more to it. I felt such an intense desire to have the game for myself, to play it alone and absorb everything in it. We finally got a little money and got a PS1, but my mom would only get games that the whole family could enjoy, so it was Crash and Spyro for a long time until I finally, finally got ff8 for myself. 

The intensity of Squall and Rinoa’s drama and romance was so important to my passionate little teenaged heart. He jumped out into space to save her!! And she brought him back from time compression with just her love!!! It was the story that set the bar for romantic love. 

And Squall…damn, I remember sitting, unblinking, at the scene when he’s curled up in bed…At age sixteen, seventeen, watching Squall voice these things was big:

“I’m fine all by myself now. I have all the skills I need to survive. I’m not a child anymore. That’s a lie. I don’t know anything. I’m confused.”

At the time, I didn’t know why I was so spellbound by that scene, and many of the other scenes of Squall’s inner monologues, but it makes so much sense now. I was a child made to believe I had to be fully competent and capable from way too young an age, parentified and emotionally stunted, and I was about to be kicked out into the world when I didn’t know a single fucking thing about it. 

But my love for ff8 was very private. I read some fanfic to extend that feeling of being in Squall and Rinoa’s world, but other than that, I never outwardly expressed how much this game stuck with me. I was definitely an awkward, shy kid, and luckily I found a group of weirdos in high school who had no fear in sharing their love for things like video games and anime and what-have-you. But still! Even with that! I barely engaged with the few friends who had a love for ff8. It was all very intimate for me. It was my private world. And part of me was scared of taking it too far, even amongst the nerds who took everything too far. I didn’t want to stand out in that way. I had the overwhelming urge to appear normal, and sane. And anyway I didn’t know how to articulate it.

There is a scene from my college years that is so burned in my memory and I think highlights this. I was in a very small major and so I had all the same classes with the same small group of people. In these classes was a very cool girl who I admired. One day someone brought up video games and I remember feeling paralyzed, like, “I can’t bring up my weirdly intense passion for this game! Everyone will think I’m so strange!” so I lied and said I had never played a single video game in my life. And in comes Cool Girl and starts going on and on about how much she loved final fantasy 8 and I could not fathom it. I stayed silent. I was not cool enough to go back on my lie and admit that I was just as into that game, if not more into it, and that I still thought about it regularly.

I kept my love of the game to myself, and played it once or twice when I went home on college breaks. It was enough. I was busy, and burnt out, and turns out, severely depressed on top of it all. 

That first major depressive episode lasted years. I managed to get out of it on my own through a variety of life experiences and found myself in my mid-twenties, looking for love. And what was more, I knew I had to find my Squall. I had to find someone who would constantly be willing to save me from my own flightiness, from my overly-passionate heart that didn’t think things through and constantly caused my own messes, and tell me (with brutal honesty) when to knock my shit off.

And I found him!

What I didn’t know is that I was really Rinoa all along. And Rinoa, my friends, cinnamon roll that she is, has a lot of shit to work out, too. 

It was helpful as I started spiraling into depression again: what if Rinoa and Squall were together and happy, but Rinoa had a major emotional breakdown in her late twenties? I imagined it obsessively. Thinking of their future was the only way I could fall asleep at night. (lol, any of this sound familiar, @angelosearch? <3)

Their story took such a hold on me. I could feel it wanting to scream itself out of my fingertips to the point that I couldn’t hold it in anymore. I started secretly typing it up, and every time I sat at the keys, I felt better.

And I stopped disassociating. I started sleeping better. I stopped hiding in the bathroom to cry at all hours of the day. I stopped thinking that I didn’t deserve to be here. I stopped therapy. 

I felt like I had been given a second chance at life. 

About a year ago, I was finally ready to consider posting my ff8 fanfic to share with the world. I had been writing it for over a year, and brewing it in my head for (get this) about eight years before that.

I could tell, though, that I was not a Good Writer. So I put on my bravest face and went searching for a beta. I immediately found one, my amazing @failed221b-chill, who I’ve gushed about before. And my world blossomed. I discovered the true joy that writing brings me, and even just writing this essay is way better than any therapy session I’ve ever had. 

I’m finally coming into my own. I’m finally realizing I had no reason to hide my passionate self. I have to share my inner world - it’s what makes me who I am, and only in that way can I truly connect with those around me. In fact, I literally went and bought an ff8 tank top and wore it in public yesterday and felt like a fucking superhero for doing so. 

So. All that said. I’m so incredibly grateful to be here in this moment, sharing all this love for a game that clearly has affected so many lives for the better. Happy anniversary, Final Fantasy VIII! And to anyone who read this far, I love you.

[butterfly--empress]

....About that Attack on Titan Series...

Well, well, well......I wasn't going to make this post, but fuck it, we here and I feel like ranting into the goddamn void, it's been a WHILE.

If you enjoyed this series from beginning to end and don't have the emotional maturity to understand that I don't fucking LIKE THIS SHIT. DO NOT REPLY

I don't have patience and I will block you on sight! As we fandom old's say: Don't Like? Don't Fucking Read!

Anyway onto the rant...

it's June 2024 and I finally after so many years, watched this show because it was recommended to me and I brought into the hype because I had NO IDEA just how derisive S4 and the series finale actually was back in the height of it's day.

I had always meant to eventually get around to watching the show and maybe even reading the manga alongside it, but as the years passed, I just never found the urge to pick it up.

And now that I have, after believing the show was great from beginning to end...

GOD, I sure wish I could get back the time I spent watching the entirety of Season 4, that Finale, and feeling utterly annoyed that a writer chose to end their story on such a nonsensical plot.

In fact, I sort of wished I never bothered at all to be quite honest.

The short of it: Seasons 1 to 3>>>>>>Season 4 and that awful ass Finale.

Very unfortunate too. This is just another case of 'great ideas, bad execution'.

And I'm not sorry but the more I think about it, the more I just cannot turn my brain off, suspend my disbelief and gaslight myself into accepting season 4 and that fucking finale as peak writing.

That shit was awful, the fact that seeing the latest interview from the creator himself, just reaffirms how strong the author's intent was when writing this last arc!

It wasn't the fact this was bad on accident, or that the creator ran out of ideas, OR the story got too complicated and complex, OR that he couldn't commit to what he already established in earlier seasons.

If his words are to be taken at face value from that interview:

It's not that this guy is a bad writer, Attack on Titan's last arc's messy writing:

-Plot holes and too many subplots that go nowhere

-Last minute ass-pulls and Deus Ex Machina that make no damn sense.

-Adding time travel-esque powers out of the blue, and it amounts to nothing in the end.

-Never giving an actual satisfying reason why Eren *couldn't defy his fate*.

--We not gonna talk about his mom...

-I'm not gonna bitch about that Ymir subplot about her loving her abusive ass slave master/husband, after what was already established before this point was fine by itself...nope, not going there...

-That god awful confusing asf 4yr time skip. (listen, I don't know NOR do I care at this point, if this time skip was elaborated on in the manga. This was just a poor attempt to hand wave away the obviously inconsistent switch OR lack of development to the characters I followed since ep 1.)

-The stagnation of already established characters we were with since the beginning and basically being replaced by new characters: the MINUTE the Marley characters took center stage, something in me just KNEW, the original crew were being replaced but hoping to GOD I WAS WRONG. --Turns out my gut feeling was correct and it makes me dislike these character more than I already did.

--Yeah, I really did not care AT ALL for the Marley crew. There's just something about shoehorning in new characters that I have no attachment to and telling me, they are now the real protagonists (who get sudden plot armor and make it alive by the end, with no real consequences...in a series that had no qualms about killing just about 90% of the characters I actually gave some fuck about and knew since ep 1 feels very contrived.)

-The unnecessary death of fan favorites that amounted to NOTHING

--I'm not...I'm just going to leave THIS ONE ALONE because I'll be here all fucking DAY and boy I'm doing enough ranting as it is.

~If You Know, You KNOW!~

-I'm not going to rant about the female characters because 1. we'll be here all day, 2. to be fair: most of the characters sort of fell flat regardless of gender anyway. (But I def get that the female cast in particular was done so dirty in the last arc. It's one thing for shounen writers to write one dimensional female characters...you have to be some kind of SPECIAL to create two-dimensional, even three-dimensional female characters only to downgrade them to their lowest common denominator. THE AUDACITY, THE INSULT TO MY FUCKING INTELLIGENCE!)

-I'm not going to bother about the shipping: it's obvious that a certain ship was going to be canon but god, do I really need to bitch about the utter lack of meaningful development to get it from point A to B?

--Then again, maybe it was supposed to be toxic? Lord knows it fits well into the clusterfuck of the last arc of this story.

--Honestly, I was more into a non canon ship that developed thru friendship naturally onscreen anyway, so I have no horse in this race.

-The BIG ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM of mixes messages, that maybe, certain extreme ideologies are correct and justified.

--Yeah, we gonna leave this one alone too...Honestly because this is actually the one thing I don't think was intentional, even if the blatant implications of it are there...and I don't want to make assumptions of the man's politics and what he believes, and his worldview (outside of his personal feelings about himself), I don't know him personally.

--I will however, rant to high hell and I do think he utilized and underutilized the allegory he borrowed from real life history; which led to the unfortunate 'Fantastical Racism' that happens in AoT.

--The slaughtering of poignant thematic themes, period!

--That bad ending (not that it's tragic per se, but just thematically bad).

~~Are you starting to see a pattern??~~

ALL THIS TO SAY:

He didn't WANT to allow his story to progress 'naturally' in the direction it 'wanted to go'.

Isayama didn't want to commit to anything he established. The story is the way it is, because he INTENDED it to be this way.

Eren fails to be a great hero OR antihero (depending on how one sees it) because Isayama doesn't think he, himself is a great person even if others tell him he is. (Ring a Bell?)

And I think it's a hard pill for a lot of people to swallow. Your time was wasted theory crafting, giving the creator the benefit of doubt, all for him to basically say, because he suffered from a serious case of 'Imposter Syndrome', you are an idiot for ever thinking this story was great, was suppose to be more than it is, and that his success isn't earned because he doesn't feel that way and you have to feel that way too.

The creator wanted a nihilistic, myopic, depressive ending. Worldbuilding, lore, cohesive storytelling be DAMNED, because he let his negative feelings about himself bleed way too much into his work.

He wanted the message if there was one at all: there's no point in putting hope in humans because 'we're all just trash anyway', people will always fight, good people shouldn't sacrifice their lives to help humanity or put any hope into humans evolving to change our ways, so why try to find another way, and maybe 'Hitler was right'.

It gets worse when the creator HIMSELF, out of his OWN MOUTH, stated; if he WANTED TO, he could have given the story a better proper send off. He knows what he wrote, and he knows that the natural, better progression of the story he created would have been better received by the fans and critics alike, if he allowed it to go in that direction, but he didn't want that.

Granted: I'm all for writers doing ultimately what they want with their stories, for better or worse.

But that's not what he wanted. And that's what I take from all of this.

However what pisses me off, is that he should have been HONEST about the story/themes/message he wanted to portray from the start.

I don't have a problem with tragic, depressive tales and it's themes, if it is done right. This was not done right and we know it wasn't, because you can look at past and even present discussions and arguments throughout this fandom and see that people have valid reasons to be very upset. (No one likes for their intelligence to be insulted when the story takes them out of the immersion to the point, that the critical thinking jumps in, and now a person is starting to realize that a lot of writing choices that they ignored before, because the story was still good, are now flaws. Stories don't have to be PERFECT, but once those flaws can't be ignored, people begin to see them as the red flags that they are. We might be hopeful, that these flaws or plot holes will be course corrected at some point, but we will not ignore, when we see the trajectory of a story's plot going downhill to the point of no return. AoT's story went beyond the Point of No Return...ON PURPOSE!)

What grinds my gears about this entire situation is that, we have a creator here, who purposely build up a story, world, characters, and themes that the audience expected would follow through and make sense, given what we have of the story.

Only for the creator to fail spectacularly by trying to fucking subvert the audiences' expectations, and seeming to really not give a damn that it's what he wanted to do from the start.

Despite whatever issues he feels or has about himself, it sours whatever sympathy I may have for the guy, because in a way, what he decided to do of his own free will, seems very jaded and quite narcissistic...

I SAID WTF I SAID

It's the audacity for me.

People were lead on, lied to, and wasted their time for nothing.

Character motivations, deaths, sacrifices, the themes, worldbuilding, all of it, amounted to NOTHING.

We were idiots to put good faith into the author. We were idiots to think, this story was worth it. For some of us, it felt like a slap in the face if you were an original fan since the story's inception and honestly, your resentment for sticking with it til the end for ten plus years for an unsatisfying bullshit finale is very valid.

TL:DR: AoT's ending is trash because the Author wanted it to be trash, and that's really, unfortunately what it all amounts to.

Soo, yeah, I don't think I can really say much more than that.

Man should have just stuck with Keeping It Fucking Simple Simon and just ended the story where literally everybody dies from fighting giant ass flesh eating zombies called titans.

Okay NOW I'M DONE WITH THIS!

Edit: GOD, and here I thought I finally fallen into another great shounen on the same level as FMA:BH after the constant disappointment, that is MHA's last arc.

...Maybe I'm getting too old for anime, at least 'shounen'....idk...anymore

At least Spy x Family can't hurt me...

[blackjackkent]

Final chat before Emperor Shenanigans. (I have some GW2 stuff to do this evening, so Empy stuff will have to wait until Tuesday, I think. There was more miscellaneous chatter to clear out than I remembered. XD )

"Shadowheart has found a little bit of herself again. Selune cannot take all of the credit - she may have lit he way, but it is the cleric who took the step."

Rakha has found that she likes talking to Jaheira. In a way it is for the same reason that she likes talking to Minthara - both women are older with much lived experience, and they articulate themselves calmly and clearly and with a very strong vision of themselves, their morals, their actions - which are things Rakha still does not really have.

Jaheira is also more like Wyll than Minthara is - she is kinder, gentler. And yet, in the heat of battle, she is fiercer than almost any of them; she becomes an animal in the most literal sense, with teeth and claws flashing into her target.

In this sense, she is perhaps, even more than Minthara, a representation of the person Rakha would like to be.

"Now that we're traveling together," she says gruffly, a sort of subtle prompting, "I realize I don't know much about you."

Jaheira laughs ruefully. "That speaks well of your taste," she quips. "I've heard my share of bad ballads about things I never did." A pause. She shrugs. "If you have questions, ask. Just don't expect my answers to rhyme."

(A/N: In keeping with past moments where Rakha has been deliberately willing to be perfectly open about her lack of memory and her bloodlust, I think she must have had a conversation with Jaheira about both things at some point on the road. Really, I suspect Isobel and Aylin must have gotten the full story too at some point - if for no other reason than that at SOME point they would notice that Rakha gets tied up in a corner every night, and Wyll would have sheepishly needed to explain that it wasn't for frisky reasons.

I'm told by @thedarkstrategist that you actually can tell Isobel about things if you bring it up all the way back at Last Light, and that she takes it more or less in stride - pointing out that you wouldn't have brought it up if you actually wanted to follow through on the urges.

I tend to assume Jaheira would be similarly matter-of-fact about it, with some wise comment to the effect that what Rakha does and actually wants is far more important than what the beast tries to make her do. And I wonder if she has started to have certain suspicions even if she articulates nothing aloud - but even if she does, she would think they're mad suppositions rather than fact.

Bhaal is dead, after all, and Amelyssan died along with all his remaining essence. She saw it happen herself...)

As usual, Rakha is always pleased when someone gives her an active invitation to ask questions and receive answers.

"Is it true you've fought the Dead Three before?" she asks.

Jaheira snorts. "It was Bhaal alone we faced in our time. And bad as that was, he had no elder brain for a lapdog then." She shakes her head slightly. "Help won't come from the history books, or from any old tales I can spin you. This is your story to write."

A pause. Then her eyes narrow with a flash of amusement. "There - have I fulfilled my role as your wise and wizened elder?"

Rakha cocks her head to one side, trying to gauge the thought behind these words. "You seem reluctant to discuss the past," she says slowly.

Jaheira quirks up an eyebrow. "What need, when it seems so intent on repeating itself," she says dryly. "But stay this apocalypse, and I'll let you read my journals - promise."

Rakha wasn't deeply interested in her journals. She just wants to hear how Jaheira sees the situation, what she is thinking. "You mentioned you know something of illithids."

For a moment, the sardonic humor fades from Jaheira's eyes and her face twists with the flash of some ugly memory. "More than I would like," she mutters. "In my youth, I was a brief - and very much unwilling - member of a colony's hivemind. I felt the way they think. Saw the world as they do. Foul, unnatural creatures who find the foulness in us and twist it to their will."

A pause, a blink - and then the smirk is back, casual and calm again. "But then - who am I speaking to?" she says dryly, squinting at Rakha. "You have far more experience than I."

She means the tadpole, of course. Involuntarily, Rakha rubs her fingertips against her temple where the worm sits - but her jaw sets fiercely. "My mind is still my own," she says curtly. "I plan to keep it that way."

Jaheira tilts her head and looks at Rakha thoughtfully for a few moments before responding. "I believe you," she says quietly. "You remind me of another I knew, marked by forces beyond their control. The gods can grant power or strip it away - but so long as your will remains, you have the only weapon you need."

Privately Rakha wonders how long her will can hold on, given the battering it gets between the beast and the worm. But... the expression of confidence does more than a little to encourage her.

[inkblackorchid]

So... about season 3 Aki.

Ok harsh contrast to my previous, excited post, but I did say I had more to yell about episode 75 and I need to get this off my chest anyway. Plus, I remember mentioning in a post that I need to talk about season 3 onward Aki anyhow, so might as well do that now! I am thinking Big Thoughts and I need to Scream.

Long, incoherent, unhinged rant incoming because I have 100 things to say and 100000 screenshots to post, but I am also tired and my brain is mush.

Can we please talk about all the jarringly unfulfilled setup the start of season 3 did for Aki? Because I'm starting to feel an urge to claw at the walls. I'm gonna go through this, piece by piece of damning evidence, because I need to vent my utter confusion and frustration somehow, I guess. Okay. So.

After giving us a bit of time to settle in after the timeskip into the pre-WRGP stretch of things, the itty-bitty portion of the story Aki occupies at this point starts off arguably strong. Yusei gets kidnapped, everyone's in a frenzy about it, but Aki's especially worried.

Then this. Funky new signer powers! Nobody's been able to do this before! I wonder if they're going to do something with that! (Spoiler: They're not.)

Then Aki "no sense of self-preservation" Izayoi gets herself in a bunch of danger trying to rescue Yusei and we get this:

Oh! Wow! Aki can control her powers now! (Which: how. Why did they never show us this. That alone could have made for a whole mini-arc. Why waste that????) That would give the writers so many cool opportunities to let her use them! I wonder if they're going to do something with that! (Spoiler: They're not.)

(Side note: I love this scene. I love it to death. They're both ride-or-die "who cares for my safety when yours is on the line" for each other and I love them.)

Of course, shenanigans then ensue, leading up to Sherry's marvellous introduction.

(Mwah. I blow her a little kiss.)

And it is at this point that Aki Has An Epiphany.

And to top it off, she gets some interesting interactions with Sherry, too!

So Aki resolves that she wants to become a turbo-duellist, too. And the thing is, this isn't a little one-off thing or something they never deliver on. They end up building this up for several episodes, bit by bit. First we get another mention of it at the pre-WRGP press thingy they all attend:

Then it's brought up again when Yusei accepts the first duel against Bruno/Antinomy:

(Also, side note again, but can I just mention that Aki also gets this moment the episode before:)

(Where she literally puts herself directly in harm's way in a public setting to protect people with her powers??? Like, I'm sorry, pinch me or something, but how does that not scream "badass good girl setup"???? HOW?)

So we get at least three episodes worth of buildup where Aki agonizes over becoming a turbo duellist to understand what her friends (but especially Yusei) are feeling when they duel like that, and then they finally deliver on it and episode 75 has her getting her license. And it's fantastic. Seriously. That episode is golden. Not just because it delivers on this promise, not just because it has a really cute moment between Aki and Yusei in it (regardless of how you read their relationship dynamic), and not just because it (as per my last post) showcases how much the rest of Team 5Ds cares about Aki (by literally building a runner for her and accompanying her to her exam and don't even get me started on Jack beating up those jerks trying to make her crash unprompted) but because it gives us just that smidgen more detail about Aki's character, too. Because the thing is, at first, she majorly sucks at driving.

And not only is this realistic to a degree (learning to drive is hard, regardless of what you're learning to drive), it's also great, because you know what Aki's response to it is?

She keeps going. She doesn't let it get her down, she gets back up and tries again. (And from a writing standpoint, this is lovely because that stubbornness is great in situations like this, but you could easily turn it into a weakness in a different scenario if you wanted to.)

And not only does Aki learn driving the hard way here, she also finds herself confronted with jerks who don't want her to succeed,

(Ruka, sweetie, I love you.)

and she makes an absolute rookie mistake during her exam by trying to play a speed spell when she doesn't have the necessary speed counters.

And feel free to disagree, but I think this is also great. Because honestly? While driving a really damned fast motorcycle that I'm not super used to yet, and being expected to make solid tactical judgements in an overcomplicated card game—the rules of which are slightly different when you're playing it on a motorcycle—at the same time, I would likely also mess up like that and accidentally try to make an illegal play. But the thing is, the episode rewards her for sticking it out anyway by letting her pull off a really complicated driving manoeuvre to save herself from her envious turbo-duelling-license colleagues' cheap tricks, and by letting her score a really nice win from a tight spot, much like any of the boys would have in her position.

(Take that, you jerks. Dumbasses only get blurry screenshots.)

So Aki gets her license and is welcomed by the team as a fresh turbo duellist. Hooray!

(I love them all so, so much, help me.)

And we also get this:

Wouldn't you know it! Sherry's been watching Aki get her license with interest! And she seems to be mighty pleased with the result!

So. After all that, I don't think you could blame anyone (it's me, I'm anyone) for getting really excited about what Aki's gonna get up to from this point outward. Aki can control her powers now! And she got her turbo duelling license! And we've got a new, enigmatic side character who seems like she could have super interesting interactions with and play off Aki! I wonder what they're gonna do with all that.

*deep breath*

Sigh.

Seeing as I already know this show like the palm of my hand, I kind of dreaded getting past this episode because I know exactly what happens to Aki from this point out: Nothing. A whole lot of nothing. Okay, well, no. See, I went back and checked all the episodes I have left, just to make sure, just in case I forgot something (very likely when you've already watched the show three times, I know).

From here on out, during the entire pre-WRGP, WRGP, and Ark Cradle arc, Aki gets exactly three things to do:

She uses her shiny new turbo duelling license to fill in for Crow at the Team Unicorn match because he got injured. Which, on paper, is a perfect way to let her have the spotlight for a moment. Except, the only thing she gets that spotlight for is to last a hot four turns in the duel before losing spectacularly to Andre and literally never turbo duelling again for the rest of the show. (Like, yes. The moment where she summons Stardust Dragon is chefs kiss and legendary. But in light of the surrounding circumstances, it feels like a consolation prize to make up for the ensuing character trainwreck.)

Since Crow is technically still injured when they're meant to go up against Team Catastrophe, Aki trains to fill in for him there again. Except! They intentionally make her crash right before the duel, putting her in a short-term coma! And as the icing on the cake, when she wakes up, it also turns out she lost the powers she was only just able to control for absolutely. no. reason. None. They never bother explaining it, they don't even try to hint at why they might have vanished. (I have my own theories for why they had to let her powers vanish and they all start and end with the words "we couldn't be bothered to figure out how to write this character".)

At the very end of the show, the very end, after temporarily fridging Sherry, too, they dig both girls back up in order to let them participate in a three-way final boss duel with Crow. (Which is a fantastic duel, I love it to pieces. Genuinely.) You could argue that they tried to cash in on all the intrigue they set up between Aki and Sherry here, but—come on. At the end of the show? Seriously? Oh, and did I mention that for some reason, Aki's powers mysteriously reappear after this duel? For no reason? Again?

I just. It does not compute. They went as far as doing all this setup, letting Aki get the hang of her powers, letting her get her license, making her part of Team 5Ds, even giving us a new character that seemed like the perfect fit to let her bounce off of—and then, like some sort of kafkaesque reverse-miracle, they somehow managed to take a sharp left into "whoops, don't care about this character" and nearly wasted the entirety of that setup in one fell swoop. If it weren't for that finale saving at least a smidgen of it, I'd be holding a torch and a pitchfork over here. (Hell, I might, even knowing that Aki's final duel in the show is kickass.)

Please tell me if this is just me (15 years after the show released, I know, leave me alone), but this feels like they were literally loading Chekov's gun directly within view of the audience, only to later procede to toss the damned thing into the sea instead of firing it.

Okay. Okay, I think I'm done. For anyone who actually bothered with the whole post, first of all, thank you for your attention, secondly, sorry, but this does, indeed, still bother me ten years after I first found this show, so I had to get it out or it would have eaten at me forever. God damn it.

Anyway, if you'll excuse me, I'm going back to writing fics where Aki actually gets something to do right this second. If anyone's interested in giving a fic series where Aki gets a separate character arc that tries to stay mostly canon-compliant after the defeat of the dark signers a go, you can find my stuff here.

[fanmoose12]

In many stories Hanji is the one who annoys Levi to get his attention, or the one who cuddles

But what about Levi trying to get Hange's attention to stop writing about titans because he wants to cuddle with her? Which I find r e a l l y cute

We know Levi is not a man of words but more of action, and Hanji is a really busy woman and when things are about work she's able to forget about everything that surrounds her even her lover.

Levi wants Hanji to focus on him but is really hard to get her attention when she's working, words dont even help too. So he sometimes annoys her, like moving her head up and down, taking off her glasses, getting behind her chair and putting his chin in her hair and hugging her neck with his strong arms and his eyes focusing with a bored expression on the movements of her hand writing, sometimes even putting a bit of pressure on his hug to make her annoyed. Or even, when he is tired on not getting what he wants, he stands in front of Hange and sits on her lap so that she can look at his face and get her attention once and for all, this annoys Hange because he is not letting her see the documents she has on the table, but she has no more remedy because Levi is not going to stop, so she caresses his hair and gives him little neck massages, Levi doing the same.

It all starts with a cup of tea, brought to Hange late in the evening. She thanks Levi for it with a quick and tired smile, then returns back to her work. Levi leaves the room, and she thinks - quite naively - that this is the end of it.

But it is not.

Levi comes back, now with a basket of water and grunting something about the horrific state of her office, clad in his signature cleaning outfit that usually makes Hange chuckle, but this time gets out of her only quiet sigh. She lets Levi be, though, and doesn't protest as he starts his cleaning spree - lifts the papers while he wipes the dust off her desk and raises her legs to allow him to mop the floor.

Maybe, he simply can't sleep, Hange thinks, trying to explain Levi's sudden urge to clean her office. It's not the first time he seeks out her company in the dead of night, but usually, he's not so... energetic. Most of the times, Levi comes to her with a book and a cup of tea of his own, more than content to just have her as a silent company. Tonight, however, he seems strangely determined, and the glances that Hange keeps catching are unreasonably disgrunted, even for Levi.

She sighs, knowing far too well what this unusual behavior of his might lead to, and grips the quill in her hand firmly, hoping that, this time, she'd be proven wrong.

But, unfortunately for her, she's rarely ever wrong, especially in matters that involve Levi. Not even five minutes pass, before he takes off his gear for cleaning, wipes his hands and comes to stand next to her desk.

He's silent at first, no word makes it past his lips as he shifts through the papers on her desk. He pretends to study each and every one with extreme diligence, but Hange knows, she feels that his eyes are actually focused on her.

Her skin prickles under the heat of that gaze, but she does her best to ignore it and concentrate on her work. She almost succeeds, almost forgets that Levi's standing right in front of her, and so- he decides to make his next move.

Hange's just starting to write another letter to Pixis, when the world around her suddenly turns hazy. She blinks a couple of times, adjusting to the sudden loss of vision, and when shapes get a little clearer, she sees Levi, standing in the same place he was before, but now with her glasses in his hands.

"Levi," she bristles. "What the hell are you doing?"

"Those are dirty," he explains as if that justifies his actions in any way. It appears that to Levi it really does, because he remains unperturbed as he cleans her glasses, slowly and methodically, seemingly not noticing Hange's apparent and quickly growing annoyance.

"I'm working, you know," she remarks, just in case Levi had missed that little detail.

"Doubt you can work efficiently when your glasses are so dirty."

But she won't give up so easily.

Hange grits her teeth, the bastard is as nonchalant as ever. It starts to drive her mad, because- she knows exactly what Levi is doing.

Drumming her fingers against the desk impatiently, she waits for him to finish. And as soon as he does, she snatches glasses out of his hands and gets back to work immediately.

Levi lets her, for the next few minutes. Then, when her irritation is nearly subdued, he strikes again.

He is bolder this time, and instead of cleaning and stealing glasses, he stands behind her chair- and puts hands on her shoulders.

He grips them firmly, kneading, and Hange very nearly moans. As always, Levi's hands feel divine, touching just where she needs, just how she needs it after a long day spent bent over her desk.

"Levi," she says again, "I'm working."

"I can clearly see that. And I wish to help in the only way I can."

That statement would have been sweet, touching, if Hange didn't know that the direct opposite was true. She knows that Levi knows just how much she enjoys when he rubs her shoulders like that. And she knows that he knows that when he does that, all coherent thoughts vanish from her mind.

He kneads the muscles of her back, thumbs pressing in all the spots that make stars dance before her eyes. And all the fight goes out of Hange.

She sighs, closes her eyes and lets the quill fall. She sits back in her chair, giving up to the pleasure. And Levi carries on, despite achieving exactly what he was planning to.

She cracks her eye open after a moment, looks up at him, sees the apparent complacency in his gaze and lets out a quiet chuckle.

"Time to go to bed, yeah?"

And only now, she realizes that she spent almost an entire week, sleeping on a couch in her office. The work has been overwhelming for this past few months, more and more responsibilities falling on her shoulders, and, as much, as Hange wants to deal with it as swiftly and efficiently as possible, if she's being honest with herself, there's nothing more she longs for now than the comfort of their bed and the warmth of Levi's embrace.

She puts a palm on top of his, takes a hold of it and presses a kiss to the back of it. "Alright," she murmurs, gazing into his eyes. "Let's go to bed."

Levi nods, helps her get to her feet and then immediately wraps himself around her. Hange laughs and leans down to press a quick kiss on his nose. "You know, if you wanted for me to cuddle with you, you could have just said so."

"It's not as much effective," Levi grumbles before he blows out the candle on her desk. He starts leading her to the exit, and when they're almost near the door, he adds, "And nearly not as much fun."

[drowsy-fantasy]

Drowsyfantasy’s Year In Review: Writing

Warning - all stories are NSFT unless otherwise indicated!

Starting the year off strong (only the bravest need apply), we have Ovamancy, a kink prompt by our beloved egg mutual, @thalwhore- with our gratitude - published in January. 

February brings A Cure for Nightmares, a gift fic with the Hero of Kvatch bringing a little comfort to Martin Septim. Yes, I do manage to get the name of the game into the body of the text. 

You can clearly see my March obsession with Vannimarco, with several fics being published in quick succession. Despite it being one of my only non-explicit fics, I really feel like Distraction is my favourite. @caliblorn is fully to blame. 

April brought the stand-alone Beach Episode of an ongoing story published on either side of it. Because every story needs a beach episode. Especially one with multiple possible gender options. 

Spring brings crack fic, and this May was no different. Narsis Dren and the Virile Vestige doesn’t have a lot of hits, but it brings a lot of laughs. 

This Is A Story I Once Heard didn’t begin publishing in June, but the latest chapter was published then (and I really have to go back and finish it, since I have the rest of the story already mapped out…) 

With a now-infamous post about swapped-roles AU of Mannimarco and Vanus as its inspiration, A Crownless King was published in July. Thanks, @mannimarcoiscool!

August was a busy month, with not only Elder Scrolls fic, but the first forays into Baldur’s Gate 3 with an alternate scene of the wildly popular Dark Urge character, Dirge. 

What followed in September was nothing short of an obsession. Several more BG3 fics in a wide variety of prompts, the most popular - and strangest - serving to be Acts of Worship, involving the player-character Tav and a 9-foot tall spider. If you know, you know.

October was the final month for publishing in 2023 (barring a sudden desperate need to write in the next week) with the surprise hit Something Close to Steel, starring fan-favourite character Dammon opposite the reader (Tav once more). This one I am DEFINITELY finishing soon - I swear!

Edit: As a bonus series, I'd like to recommend the work @orfeoarte and I did together on TES Summerfest 23. We worked really hard on these, and each chapter has fantastic art he drew and posted on his tumblr!

Some neat statistics, all added in 2023: 

84 subscriptions 

42,377 words

12,580 hits

180 bookmarks

37 comment threads

1,015 kudos

77 user subscriptions 

Thank you all for a thoroughly awesome 2023 and I’ll see you next year!

[welcometololaland]

Binged Read "living at the centre of would...." tonight, and i am in tears, I just love love your writing so damn much Lola 🫶🏼 You grip on Characters and their Characterization is so strong. I have read every single of your Lone star fics till date. You are my Favorite author!! I have specially made a tumblr account to reach out to the beautiful writers of this fandom and appreciate them and let you'll know that you all matter so very much to us!!!

Can't wait to read what more beautiful things you put for us, i m specifically so intrested in ALTA ( just genuine excitement and want to share the Excitement , no pressure, please take your time,m very patient lmao)

Never Understood Grief so wonderfully and truthfully before!

Thank You <3

(ALTA SNIPPET BELOW CUT)

Thank you so much! The honeymoon fic was difficult for me to write (because I don't often write angst), but it was also incredibly cathartic. I think it helped me process a lot of my own feelings about season 4 episodes 17 and 18, and also made me think deeper about Carlos in particular and his state of mind in these episodes.

I feel honoured to know you have read so many of my stories! I hope they brought you joy <3 I think it's awesome you made a tumblr account to tell people that you like their work!

ALTA is finished, but it is in beta-phase. I'm not sure when it will be ready but I'm hoping to post ch 1 soon(ish). This fic has been so fiddly and difficult, I don't think I've EVER spent so much time nitpicking. I've re-written and re-worked the chapters so many times it's insane. Never write a mystery, guys. It's HARD lol. Here, have a snippet (it's unbeta-d, don't judge me).

Summer Break, June 2015

“Carlos,” TK sighs, sliding himself into the passenger seat of Carlos’ car, jiggling the ancient manual windows to wind them down, allowing fresh air in. Carlos knows he’s going to have to get a better car one day – he can’t keep driving around in something that has no AC in the middle of Texas – but he’s also a broke student and his father isn’t a movie star. Not that he’ll be reminding TK of that, lest he turn up to TK’s house one day and find himself presented with a brand new Range Rover.

Although, given recent events, he’s never going to be able to set foot in TK’s house again.

“Carlos,” TK repeats with a little huff, leaning back against the seat as Carlos backs out of Owen’s driveway. “Why are you so mad? It’s not like this is the first time this has happened—”

“TK,” Carlos exclaims, one hand tapping the steering wheel in exasperation. “Your dad walked in and we were—”

“My dad has walked in on us loads of times,” TK argues. “He has no sense of privacy, you know that.”

“Yes, but—”

“One time he caught me practically giving you a blowjob, remember?” TK interjects. “I think it was the first time you met him, actually—”

“TK!” Carlos practically cries. “How are you not more concerned about the fact that your dad walked in while you were riding me?”

TK shrugs. “I don’t know,” he replies, infuriatingly calm. “We’re adults and adults have sex, right? I don’t think anyone in the Strand household is under any illusions as to why the pool house was out of bounds for six months straight.”

Carlos has a sudden urge to take a random left hand turn and drive them into another state. He’s not sure he can bear to be in the same timezone as Owen Strand, knowing that he’s seen them in such a compromising position. On second thoughts, Carlos wishes he could drive to Antarctica.

“Seriously, baby,” TK says, holding his palm up on the centre console, begging for Carlos’ touch. “It’s going to be okay. I bet my dad won’t even say anything. I mean, he might make an awkward joke about it but trust me, he doesn’t care.”

Carlos blows out a breath. “I don’t know,” he replies with uncertainty. “I’m beginning to think we should move out.”

Out of his peripherals, he can see TK practically bounce in the passenger seat. “Some place other than your college dorm?” he asks. “Carlos, that would be—”

“I’m not serious,” Carlos interjects, then feels terrible about it when he looks across at TK’s face and sees it fall. “Wait, hang on, I didn’t mean—”

TK retracts his hand and brings it to his face, covering his mouth as he turns to look out of the passenger-side window. 

“TK,” Carlos calls, sighing as he pulls over to the kerb and throws the car into park. “TK, look at me.”

TK turns back slowly, a sad frown etched into his features. “I get it,” he says, a little despondently. “I mean, I’d be terrible to live with. I know you think I’m spoiled and I don’t know how to do anything, and I do hate chores but I’d do them if it meant I got to live with you.”

“I don’t think any of those things,” Carlos says softly, reaching across the space between them to rest his palm on TK’s leg. “Sweetheart, I’d love nothing more than to live with you—”

“I do hate chores,” TK admits. “Come on, that part is true.”

“Okay,” Carlos concedes, allowing his lips to curl into a smile as he watches TK’s do the same. “If we’re being honest, you suck at chores. But I’m sure you could get good at them, with practice.”

“Maybe,” TK says, wrinkling his nose. “I hear you’re a pretty good teacher.”

“I am,” Carlos replies seriously, leaning halfway across the console to kiss the tip of TK’s nose and then his lips. “I want to live with you, TK,” he says. “I just can’t afford that right now. Plus, we’re young. Maybe it’s a good idea to wait until we finish college at least.”

“And give my dad more opportunities to walk in on us?” TK asks, arching an eyebrow. “Your funeral, Reyes.”

Carlos shrugs, trying to school his expression. “Oh no, that’s not happening,” he says smoothly. “We just can’t have sex at your place anymore.”

“What are you suggesting?” TK scoffs. “That we have sex in your dorm room? Because Darren is gonna have to get real cool with some stuff pretty quickly…”

Carlos shakes his head. “I was thinking more like abstinence.”

TK chokes. “Abst— No, Carlos. Abstinence does not work when your boyfriend looks like this.” He flourishes his hands in Carlos’ direction, motioning to the entire top half of his body.

“Was thinking we could wait until marriage,” Carlos teases, turning the ignition back on as TK squawks. 

“Okay,” he says, “I guess we’re getting married tomorrow.”

“Not legal yet,” Carlos points out. “Guess we’ll have to wait a while.”