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chalkrevelations · 3 years

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SO. Word of Honor, Episode 10, and everyone is deep in their feelings … well, their feeling, which is misery.

First, due diligence, and I really mean it on this one: SPOILERS not just for this ep but for the entire show. Out of the car, for now, and come back later, if you want to watch the whole thing unspoiled.

Well, it’s the breakup episode, y’all. Everyone is wallowing in misery, and Our Couple is taking that out on themselves and in some cases (:cough:WKX:cough) on everybody around them. We open on sad-sack Wen Kexing digging sadly in the dirt with a sword, the bodies of the Four Sages of Anji laid out beside him as he gives a RIP speech about how you have to be careful when making friends, because they’ll turn out to be bad news, which is clearly yet another warning about himself, because I don’t think anyone in the mob who killed these aging hippies in the last ep was a friend (although I suppose it could be argued that WKX is talking about their friendship with Gao Chong getting them killed) and anyway, you have to understand that WKX is a demon under the skin, not even really human, you guys, and he’s only ever going to disappoint everyone. Has he not made this clear by now? His sword breaks at this point, which probably ought to tell him he’s not going to be able to bury any of this mess. Then Zhou Zishu shows up and is understandably unhappy at the way his decision last ep to walk out on faith for this guy has gone completely pear-shaped, and he asks some rather pointed questions about whether four dead Sages of Anji is what WKX wanted and if he’s happy now – questions that sound, my dude, a little confrontational. I mean, I think you’re entitled, given the situation, but I’m just sayin’. WKX flings off ZZS’s hand and wants to know if “Leader Zhou” has only ever killed bad people, which is a hit that lands, and it hurts, just like it was supposed to, and this is definitely one of those nightmare scenarios where everyone just keeps digging themselves deeper. ZZS is all, FINE THEN, and leaves. Again. Because WKX is apparently a demon in human form who’s only ever going to disappoint everyone. Including his zhiji. I love you with all of my heart, ZZS, but a little bit, you come off like you only showed up to twist the knife, my man. Anyway, ZZS stomps off to go mope at Yuefan Tower, the scene of his bad decision to trust this guy BEFORE finding out he sets up revenge murders for fun. We’re treated to a flashback sequence of some of ZZS’s Tian Chuang state-sanctioned violence, including a pile of bodies in a burned-out house with a little girl who reaches out to him and calls him “shushu” (which I think is a reference to something that actually happens in Qi Ye); killing that official dude and making Jing’an drink poison, from Ep 1; inserting the Seven Nails into Bi Changfeng - a whole bunch of bad shit that WKX has dug back up way more successfully with a few words than that grave he was trying to dig with his broken sword. ZZS sighs mournfully and unfairly beautifully (your FACE, my dude) over the fact that he thought he found his soulmate, but he was apparently WRONG, and meanwhile, we see Han Ying lurking worriedly and devotedly in the background.

Then, both of these morose motherfuckers proceed to drink themselves (even more) stupid over each other, WKX in a brothel and ZZS moping by himself downstairs at the (No Longer) Getting Lucky Inn, leaving poor Han Ying and A-Xiang to eventually deal with them. ZZS is literally falling over as he calls for more wine – you are a sloppy drunk, laopo, although I have to admit, you’ve worked your way through a lot of bottles, so I suppose it’s understandable – and WKX proceeds to drink his four ... five? ... four, I think, girls under the table and clearly has no intention of sleeping with them, because it might interfere with his waxing drunkenly and mournfully about finding a thing you thought you’d lost forever but not being able to keep it at the price of giving up your big revenge murder plan you’ve been working out since you were 8 years old. (Also because he’s gay af. I’m just sayin’.)

So, yeah, Han Ying and A-Xiang eventually have to deal with these two, and for my money, the single most important scene of the ep - thematically, at least - is the one we get between A-Xiang and WKX, where a couple of big things are going on. One of the themes I see again, running through this ep, is the separation between the human world and the world of “ghosts,” and how that line is policed, and how Wen Kexing tries to maintain it as a bright line, in order to maintain his own distance from Zhou Zishu and the world. Now that things have gone so spectacularly wrong with ZZS, he’s going to dig in on the “ghost” side of that line for all he’s worth – much harder than he was digging that grave for the Four Sages of Anji, given he breaks the sword and gives up halfway through on that one, but this one he’s determined to get all the way to the bedrock on. So yes, in this scene we get the theme made explicit again, of human-ghost separation - which will echo and rebound throughout the rest of the show, until we see its awful, gory truth made manifest when it turns out WKX is horrifically correct and A-Xiang is NOT, in fact, going to be allowed by “humankind” to leave Ghost Valley and walk up to the human world with her lover, while meanwhile, if WKX is going to get out of the valley, he’s not staying in the mortal world but is going to end up on the icy remote mountaintop. BUT ALSO, this may be the first time we really see the show put A-Xiang forward as a proxy for Wen Kexing. This is going to be an increasingly weighted Thing as we go on, of course, but what I didn’t remember on my first watch-through - even after I realized what they were doing with the A-Xiang/Cao Weining and Wen Kexing/Zhou Zishu parallels further down the road – is that, in this first time we really see it, it’s not even about their respective love interests, it’s about their respective relationships with Chengling. I mean, clearly, clearly, when WKX is being a drunk asshole to A-Xiang about how she’s been too long in her human skin (and huh, interesting that, when we also have instances where fake skin disguises are literal), and DON’T EVER FORGET WHO YOU ARE, HEARTLESS AMETHYST FIEND GHOST VALLEY MASTER HEARTLESS AMETHYST FIEND, and who among them would ever pity you me you, he’s really talking about his recent breakup with ZZS, in which he got called a crazed psychopath just for setting up a few amusing revenge murders. But here’s the thing – what triggers the diatribe is A-Xiang saying she feels sorry for Chengling trapped in Yueyang Sect, in the course of nattering on about what’s up with Chengling, and what she and Chengling have been doing together, and how much Chengling misses WKX. Which is, A-Xiang tells WKX, a lot. After which WKX puffs himself up and proceeds to be a drunk asshole to her, because of course, he’s not worthy of having anyone care about him, they might think he’s human, or something, and then he’s only going to get hurt again when they find out he’s NOT. So, all that happens. We also find out in this conversation that Changing Ghost was responsible for the pile of heads; that A-Xiang was at the Funeral/Wedding Game and saw Deng Kuan become the last survivor and get set free in much better condition than he later showed up at Yueyang Sect, so what the hell’s happened to him in between; and that A-Xiang definitely thinks her Murder Dad master is crazy but isn’t afraid that he’ll end up killing her someday. I mean, let’s be clear, I don’t think she’s absolutely positive that he won’t go crazy and kill her – she’s just not afraid of it. Zhou Ye is fantastic here, because she has A-Xiang give WKX this gorgeous little smile that’s so simple yet just so filled with love and trust and faith and everything that must have kept his heart alive all those years, the one that she probably gave him even after he burned her mouth on congee that was too hot, and I end up clutching my chest because I think she’s killed me. And then in a horrible twist on what’s eventually coming down the pike, she tells him that she’d follow him even if he’s crazy, and that if he killed her, she’d even follow him in death, and GOD. MY HEART. Because we’re going to see that in fact, he’s going to almost follow her into death, and then he’s going to dream of her leaving him instead of actually staying with him after death, and the only thing keeping me together at this point is the idea that Nian’xiang will actually be A-Xiang reincarnated so that she can be with WKX and the rest of her family again.

Anyway, all of this is apparently a dress rehearsal for WKX, because he then gets himself dolled up in some luscious green robes and proceeds to go to Tragicomic Ghost’s mansion in order to terrorize the troops and spread the misery. He requests a report from all of his top ten nine eight devils; credits them with three Funeral Games (I guess we don’t get to see the other two), annihilating Danyang Sect, destroying Mirror Lake Sect, killing Mount Tai Sect’s leader (Ao Laizi), and leaving a pile of heads for Yueyang Sect to find. He’s doing his best Lunatic Wen bit, but come on, my friend, do they really deserve credit for ALL of that? Do they really? It sounds like you have your suspicions, as well, because you want to know who was responsible for the Mirror Lake massacre. Everyone looks around, pointedly not meeting his eyes, so, hmm, it must have been Long-Tongued Ghost, right? Right? (Who we last saw getting killed and getting his (Danyang) Glazed Armor took by Wen Kexing while pretending to be Hanged Ghost.) Changing Ghost, who’s supposedly Long-Tongued Ghost’s superior and who’s smart enough to sense the wind shifting, even if he’s not sure in which direction, hastily says that LTGhost doesn’t listen to him anymore. (Yeah, because he’s dead.) At this point, White Grim Reaper is dumb enough to draw attention to himself, and WKX chokes him out just ‘cause. ‘Cause he’s Lunatic Wen, and fuck you, that’s why. Both Tragicomic Ghost and Beauty Ghost look more Completely Done With This Bullshit than scared – in contrast to the men, who are shitting their pants - which is an early indication that their relationships with WKX are different than his relationships with the male Devils. WKX also makes some pointed comment about how oh dear, he’s killed someone, and they were already low on manpower, but as a chief of GHOSTS, that’s all he has to work with, isn’t that RIGHT, Changing Ghost – which sounds on the surface kind of like policing that line between ghosts and humans, but really seems more like he has his suspicions about exactly who Changing Ghost is actually working with, because while he may not be as smart as A-Xu, he’s not DUMB. Now, let’s all come up with a plan to fuck over the Five Lakes Alliance during the Hero’s Conference. Aaaaand … end scene (and ep).

Meanwhile, Han Ying is dealing with his poor, drunk dumbass charge, and we see ZZS wake up in some richly appointed rooms, in some strange bed, and he’s clearly thinking “Oh snap. What I do last night?” Also, feeling the hangover. Once he manages to get his boots on, he notices a shrine, complete with candles, and just about this point, Han Ying busts in like he’s WKX or something (although to be fair, it is his bedroom), and wants to know exactly wtf is wrong with ZZS, getting blackout drunk with his actual face hanging out like he doesn’t care who recognizes him? (I just have to take a moment here, and point out that ZZS, who went all in, in the last ep, and who will continue to be the more open one as this relationship goes on, is being berated here for not wearing a mask, for showing his real self, while the issue for both A-Xiang and WKX is going to continue to be keeping on a protective mask/skin, even though WKX accuses A-Xiang himself in this very ep of thinking the mask is real and not just a cover for her true face. Anyway.) Oh, and also, My Lord, how is your injury? DO YOU NEED SOMEONE TO TENDERLY CARE FOR YOU? I like this scene, because Han Ying’s actually kind of angry at ZZS, and a little bit, he shows it, and we get to see that he’s not spineless, even in the (blindingly beautiful) face of ZZS, he’s just devoted. And if that means keeping this dumbass safe from himself, well, Han Ying will try to do that, too, even if it’s enough to drive him to find religion, as we also find out in this scene, explaining the shrine. I suppose he needs all the help he can get. Anyway, ZZS tells him that he’s too mean to die just yet, although he doesn’t expect any blessings on his path, and Han Ying responds – and I think this is important, given ZZS’s decision last ep to spend the rest of his life living instead of dying – that “any day we live is a day gained.” (HAN YING. MY BELOVED.) ZZS pulls some Glazed Armor out of his robes to give to Han Ying, and they both realize that it looks exactly like two pieces Han Ying already has his hands on, gdi WKX. At this point, ZZS reiterates that he just wants Han Ying to lay low and stay safe, Han Ying reiterates his undying devotion, and ZZS has clearly had it with these kids and their starry-eyed devotion. He tries telling Han Yng again to just live a good life - as if Han Ying is at all wired that way – before making some dramatic pronouncement about expecting to have to deal with what’s coming to him in hell and sweeping out the door in the last we see of him this ep.

Let’s see, other things that happened:

Gao Chong, Zhao Jing and Shen Shen confer over their complete loss of face in the run-up to the Hero’s Conference; Shen Shen gets very offended and denies killing Ao Laizi, which is the rumor going around town; Gao Chong says the Ghost Valley isn’t responsible for Ao Laizi’s death (which they are) or for spreading the rhyme about the Glazed Armor (which they are); Zhao Jing says Five Lakes Alliance can’t get a reputation for forcing other sects to do things (when he can manipulate them into doing what he wants), and Shen Shen wants to know WHY THE HELL NOT (oh, Shen Shen) when the jianghu has always been, and I QUOTE, “a place where the strong pery on the weak,” so again, I have to kind of side with WKX on this one about the hive of scum and villainy. Or I would if you guys seemed capable of actually accomplishing anything.

Elsewhere in Yueyang Sect, it’s been Bullying Hour again for Chengling, and A-Xiang is furious when she finds out, threatening to break the legs of whoever’s responsible for smacking him around (she really is like the most delightful Chengxian love-child, I have to say). She also has some Wolong Nuts – crispy and delicious! – for him. Gao Xiaolian shows up with some treats, but Chengling doesn’t want her food, and also he doesn’t want to marry her, because he doesn’t want to be Gao Chong’s puppet, which is kind of new, because he said a couple of eps ago at the Five Lakes monument that he would abide by Gao Chong’s decisions. I guess now that he’s found out from A-Xiang that their Murder Dads are still around, he thinks there’s still a chance to run away with them. Gao Xiolian runs away, crying. Harsh, Chengling, but it does give him the chance to complain to A-Xiang that he’s effectively under house arrest, WHERE ARE OUR MURDER DADS TO SAVE ME?

Last but not least, there’s this incredible scene with Yu Loser Qiufeng, leader of Mount Hua Sect, in which one of the Mount Hua Virgins (tm WKX) comes complaining that everyone is looking down on them. Yu Qiufeng tells him that the entire jianghu is falling apart and to suck it up, and then another Virgin (tm WKX) shows up to say that some people from Mount Tai Sect are here to talk about Dead Ao Laizi, because the Five Lakes Alliance killed him omg. Yu Quifeng’s response is literally “Tell them I’m not here,” and when the disciple wants to know how he can possibly say that, Qiufeng’s response is literally “Say I went out. Say I’m sick. Say I’m dead.” (OMG, Zongzhu can’t see you right now, he’s dead!)

#wen kexing #zhou zishu #gu xiang #han ying #zhang chengling #yu qiufeng #word of honor #word of honor episode reax

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nurvuss · 3 years

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I Watched the First Episode of Every New Spring 2021 Anime Airing on Crunchyroll

Hey, are you like me, and feeling like you're not getting the most out of your Crunchyroll subscription? Sure, there's stuff on there that you know you like. But whenever I look at the big long list of simulcasting shows, my eyes glaze over and I don't even know where to begin.

I wanted to change my habits and see if there were any shining gems that I should be watching. So, as per the title, I watched the first episode of every new Spring 2021 anime on Crunchyroll. And guess what? There’s a lot of crap! But indeed, there’s some stuff that’s worth your time.

Some clarification: I've only watched shows that began their first season in April 2021.

Backflip!!

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The Lowdown

As Futaba Shotaro comes to the end of middle school, his interest in baseball has begun to wane. Soon he notices the Ao High Boys Gymnastic Club and becomes enthralled, especially after seeing them perform. Once he learns they're down two members, he chooses to sign up and pursue the art of gymnastics. The club is also joined by Misato Ryoya, a star solo gymnast looking to expand his technique through teamwork.

Our Thoughts

Pretty formulaic shoujo sports anime: you've got your himbo, your thug, your ladies' man, your stoic guy, with Shotaro rounding out the cast as the shy and awkward audience surrogate. It looks wholesome enough, and the choreographed routines employ CG in a way that's quite convincing without being hideous.

Who It's For

Fans of FREE, or Yuri!!! on Ice, or any similar shows about cute boys who succeed at athletic feats.

Borscht Rating

Burning Kabaddi

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The Lowdown

Legendary high school soccer star Yoigoshi Tatsuya has given up on sports! That is, until he's blackmailed to join the high school kabaddi team, under threat of his online persona being leaked to the entire school. Although Tatsuya initially writes kabaddi off as stupid, the unexpected happens as he begins to have fun.

Our Thoughts

Kabaddi is kinda like competitive tag, or dodgeball but with your body instead of a ball. Burning Kabaddi is basically the shounen alternative to Backflip!! above, replete with nosebleeds, pratfalls, and dudes punching each other. The main cast don't seem to like each other very much; that probably changes as the show goes on but at first blush it's a dynamic I always find annoying.

Who it's For

Fans of Haikyuu!!? Maybe?

Borscht Rating

CARDFIGHT!! VANGUARD overDress

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The Lowdown

The newest series based on Bushiroad's collectible card game, featuring character designs by the beloved collective CLAMP. Petit middle schooler Yu-Yu just doesn't know how to say no. As his older students dress him in drag to use as live makeup practice, he suffers a panic attack and flees into the streets. After being accosted by a pickup artist, he's befriended by Megumi, who invites him to witness a Cardfight match at the local abandoned amusement park. However, Yu-yu is too shy to tell Megumi he's actually a boy…

Our Thoughts

What an unexpectedly weird concept for a show about a card game. Our hero spends the whole episode in drag, whimpering and simpering at the sight of any conflict. Then they show off the latest series of cards, which all seem to be giant buff knights with names like "Bad Steve" and "Violent Bruce". Your guess is as good as mine.

Who it's For

Cardfight!! lovers, Japanese gender studies majors, or the most desperate fujoshi.

Borscht Rating

Cestvs: The Roman Fighter

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The Lowdown

The year is 54AD, and Nero has taken the throne as the youngest emperor of Rome. At the bottom of the population, Cestvs is a young slave training to be a colosseum boxer. Reluctant, his only choice is to fight or die.

Our Thoughts

Seeing Nero depicted as a gentle little twink is pretty funny. It's also pretty funny that the central character is named after a Roman boxing glove. The animation style transitions to some very uncanny CG when a major fight takes place, and I didn't like that one bit! This seems like a pretty average tournament anime but with a historical setting. It's currently unknown if any of these dudes are fucking each other. I'm gonna say probably.

Who It's For

The venn-diagram of Greco-Roman history buffs and lovers of tournament series?

Borscht Rating

Don’t Toy with Me, Miss Nagatoro!

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The Lowdown:

Hachioji Naoto is a nerdy, introverted student who spends his time studying and avoiding socialising. When pages from the fantasy manga he's drawing fall out of his bookbag, they catch the attention of a younger student named Nagatoro Hayase. Nagatoro begins to tease Naoto for his otaku interests and awkward demeanour, peppered with some suggestive flirting.

Our Thoughts:

What would you do if a younger girl flirted with you? Would you cry? Piss your pants maybe? Maybe shit and cum? Don't Toy With Me… attempts to barely conceal its BDSM fantasy with its comedic elements, but it's incredibly apparent as Nagatoro always wipes away Naoto's tears as a sort of aftercare. It's like a lighter, comedic version of Aku no Hana, but lacking any of the ponderings or danger that made that work so special.

Who It's For:

People who search Pornhub for "bratty sister femdom".

Borscht Rating:

86 Eighty-Six

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The Lowdown

The Republic of San Magnolia and the Giad Empire, have been at war for nearly a decade. Using advanced military technology, the frontlines are fought by giant mecha drones called Juggernauts, controlled remotely by Handlers. Major Vladilena Mirizé is one of the military's most talented Handlers in the 1st District, and one who is constantly teased by her peers for the humanity and empathy she shows her squadron. The government line is that drone warfare has kept casualties to zero, but unbeknownst to the public these "drones'' are piloted by 86ers—the lowest class of citizens, forced to live in military internment camps in San Magnolia's 86th District.

Our Thoughts

This is incredibly my kind of thing. We've got a dual narrative being set up here: Vladilena as the kind, reluctant officer of a fascist regime, and the Bad Company-esque antics of her new ragtag squad, Spearhead. The first episode is split pretty evenly between the two, with each story converging at the end as Vladilena "meets" Spearhead for the first time through her comms station. It's an explosive and enticing first episode, and I can't wait to watch more of it.

Who It's For

Fans of Fullmetal Alchemist, Psycho-Pass, Gundam, or any number of anti-imperialist war stories.

Borscht Rating

Fairy Ranmaru

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The Lowdown

In a quiet corner of the city sits Bar F, a modest drinking establishment staffed entirely by five hot young men. Unbeknownst to the general population, these men are a crack team of fairies sent to the human world to gather the latent energy of "attachment". They do this by solving the problems of young women, taking their hearts in the process.

Our Thoughts

Hubba hubba, a little something for the ladies! It's Weiẞ Kreuz with a bar instead of a flower shop, fairies instead of assassins, and some pretty revealing outfits. There's definitely a little Persona 5 inspiration here too, from the punctuating phrase "Take your Heart!" to many of the visual cues. Make of that what you will.

Who It's For

Fans of Weiẞ Kreuz, slash fic authors.

Borscht Rating

Farewell, My Dear Cramer

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The Lowdown

Onda Nozomi was once the star player of her middle school football team. Completely unmatched, she no longer plays as there's no opponent she deems to be on her level. Meanwhile Suou Sumire far outpaces her teammates, causing her frustration. By a twist of fate, these two girls find themselves joining the scrappy Warabi Seinan High School FC as they begin to learn the value of teamwork and friendship.

Our Thoughts

I don't know sports. And I really don't know football. I had to look up what the title meant, and now I barely know who Dettmar Cramer is. I'm really not the best person to judge this, but it seems like a pretty good female-driven sports anime.

Who It's For

Fans of Ace o Nerae! or other sports manga/anime about those ever burning bonds between young teammates.

Borscht Rating

Gloomy, the Naughty Grizzly

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The Lowdown:

Pitty lives with his pet Gloomy, a massive pink bear. Can a boy and a bear truly get along?

Our Thoughts:

This is a series of minute-long gag episodes in which Gloomy mauls Pitty and blood squirts everywhere. It's definitely meant to be a morbid parody of Sanrio or San-X; it might be a Rilakkuma parody in particular? Gloomy is the kind of thing you might laugh at if it came on in between shows, but it's pretty slight to go through the trouble of putting on.

Who It's For:

Gag anime fans with one minute to spare.

Borscht Rating:

Higehiro: After Being Rejected, I Shaved and Took in a High School Runaway

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The Lowdown

After a night of drinking in Tokyo, slovenly salaryman Yoshida encounters a teenage runaway sitting under a lamppost. She offers to sleep with him in return for letting her spend the night in his apartment. Yoshida refuses her offer but allows her to stay. The next morning the girl, Sayu, reveals she's travelled all the way from Hokkaido, sleeping with random men in return for lodging and money. Feeling responsible for her safety, Yoshida agrees for Sayu to stay indefinitely in return for handling household chores.

Our Thoughts

This is kind of the inverse of Koikimo (see below), but without a scumbag character and from a male perspective. It's not nearly as nauseating as that show, but it's still a fantasy about living with a busty teenage girl.

Who It's For

Libertarians.

Borscht Rating

I've Been Killing Slimes For 300 Years And Maxed Out My Level

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The Lowdown:

Office lady Aizawa Azusa dies of overwork in her early 20s, and finds herself standing before a lecherous goddess. Allowed a wish as compensation for her untimely demise, Azusa wishes for an endless life of leisure. The goddess reincarnates her as a 17-year-old immortal witch in an RPG-coded fantasy world. Thrilled, Azusa lazes about, brewing potions for her neighbouring villagers, and kills a small amount of slimes each day to supplement her income. After doing this every day for 300 years, she inadvertently finds herself at Level 99. Her peaceful life is soon upended as adventurers and dragons come from miles around to challenge the legendary witch.

Our Thoughts:

I'm not really an isekai fan, and that goes double for series which aren't set in an RPG, yet use RPG mechanics. Levelling up, grinding stats, min-maxing, as if it's a part of the fabric of the setting. I don't get it. I like watching numbers go up as much as the next dork, but I don't need to watch numbers go up in absolutely every piece of media I consume. Just play a fucking video game, Jesus Christ almighty.

I thought this might be setting up a fun series in which a layabout is reluctantly called upon to undertake a dangerous quest, but I don't think that's what's going on at all. When the red dragon Laika wrecks Azusa's house, she transforms into a cute young girl and the two begin living together, teaching each other the pros and cons of hard work and slothfulness respectively. The trajectory of the series might be as laid back as its protagonist in the end, which, ultimately, would be fitting.

Who It's For:

Isekai fans, slice-of-life fans. The twain have met!

Borscht Rating:

Joran: The Princess of Snow and Blood

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The Lowdown

In alternative history Japan the Meiji Period continued well into the 1930s, and the ongoing Tokugawa Shogunate has brought technological prosperity to the nation through a magical energy source called the Dragon's Vein. Sawa Yukimura runs a bookshop where she lives with her little sister by day, but by night she's an assassin for Nue, the shogunate's secret police. As the terrorist group Kuchinawa deploys transforming beasts in an attempt to topple the shogunate, Nue springs into action with their own abilities.

Our Thoughts

There are a lot of concepts competing here, and a few too many flashy transformation sequences for my taste, but I'm really into it! Nue are made up of sex workers and street musicians, often overlooked and therefore easily able to blend in. There's a supernatural Standalone Complex vibe to how the team operates, and they're almost assuredly on the wrong side. Worth a shot!

Who It's For

Fans of alternate history science fiction, Ghost in the Shell: Standalone Complex, Demon Slayer.

Borscht Rating

Koikimo: Koi to Yobu ni wa Kimochi Warui ("It's Disgusting to Call This Love")

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The Lowdown

Amakusa Ryo is a womanizing salaryman concerned with nothing but his own base desires. As he slips on the train station stairs one morning, he's saved by the swift action of Arima Ichika, a kind-hearted high schooler. When it turns out Ichika is friends with Ryo's younger sister Riou, he decides she's his soulmate, and begins to pursue her no matter how many times she refuses him. Comedy ensues!

Our Thoughts

Yeah, OK groomer.

Alright look, Korikimo is written by a woman and told from Ichika's perspective, so this is obviously meant to be a lighthearted "older man" shoujou romance. As an older man, all I saw were the adventures of a paedophile and the teenager he's stalking. Fuck off.

Who it's For

There's probably other stuff like this, right? If you like that, here you go.

Borscht Rating

Let's Make a Mug, Too

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The Lowdown

After the death of her mother, Himeno and her father relocate from bustling Tokyo to quiet Tajimi City in Gifu Prefecture. The former salaryman opens a quiet cafe using the remarkable mugs made by his late wife, while Himeno follows in her mother's footsteps and joins the school pottery club. Although her first project ends in disaster, Himeno makes fast friends with the eccentric pottery enthusiasts who make up the club.

Our Thoughts

It's no Eizouken, but I guess it's probably not meant to be. I'm not a big iyashikei genre fan, but if that's your thing, you might enjoy the wholesome non-adventures of three girls trying to make a mug. It's worth noting these episodes are only about 12 minutes long, with the remaining runtime segmented into live action episodes where the voice actresses tour Tajimi and unconvincingly pretend to be interested in Gifu's famous mino-yaki pottery. I think this must be a tie-in with a local tourist board.

Who It's For

People who enjoy stuff like Aria, actually.

Borscht Rating

OddTaxi

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The Lowdown

In a Tokyo populated by anthropomorphic animals, a solemn walrus named Odokawa spends his nights driving his cab around the bustling metropolis, spending his free time drinking with his pals. Odokawa soon finds his quiet life disrupted by a caper involving a missing girl, some crooked cops, and the animal yakuza.

Our Thoughts

A deft blend of working class slice-of-life with mystery, cute animals, and striking visual design. OddTaxi might be the sleeper hit of Spring 2021.

Who It's For

Fans of existentialist film noir with absurdist comedy, Polar Bear Cafe, walrus lovers.

Borscht Rating

Osamake: Romcom Where The Childhood Friend Won't Lose

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The Lowdown

Suehiro Maruo Sueharu Maru has his heart set on Shirokusa Kachi, the hottest girl in school. When she begins dating a young actor, Sueharu confides in his childhood friend Kuroha Shida, who's openly in love with him and he rejected in the past. Kuroha suggests the two get revenge on Shirokusa by pretending to be in love. Will Sueharu fall in love with Kuroha for real, making her dreams come true?

Our Thoughts

Give me a fucking break.

Who It's For

I don't know and I don't care.

Borscht Rating

SD Gundam World Heroes

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The Lowdown

The newest instalment of the SD Gundam media-mix franchise. In a world populated by super deform mecha, a burning meteor lands in the middle of Captain City. From it launches a terrible mechanized beast: Naughty Lion. When the police are powerless to stop it, a crack team led by Zhuge Liang Gundam and Liu Bei Gundam sorties to bring Naughty Lion to justice. When the beast stops rampaging, it transforms into Sun Wukong Gundam, a youthful amnesiac mecha horrified at the destruction he wrought. The Three Kingdoms Gundams welcome Sun Wukong into the fold to make sense of this mysterious event.

Our Thoughts

I'm an 80s kid, I know a 30-minute toy commercial when I see one.

No, seriously though, I'm aware of SD Gundam's merchandising—they're cute designs, and I even used to have a bunch of the gum rubber mini figurines. I've played the SD Great War Super Famicom games, they're fun! This is a vehicle to get kids hyped up about the latest toys, which are...based on a hodgepodge of Journey to the West and Romance of the Three Kingdoms this year? There's even a little SD Guan Yu Gundam with a big long beard!

I kinda wanted to like the idea of a bearded robot, but the mechas are super busy and overdesigned. I guess there's only so much you can do to make your next series of toys bigger and better, so these guys are all decked out in gold accents, capes, horns, and antlers, and half the time I couldn't parse what I was seeing.

I'm so glad I don't have to watch any more of this.

Who It's For

Very, *very* young mecha fans.

Borscht Rating

Seven Knights Revolution: Hero Successor

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The Lowdown

Long ago, the Dark God Nestra ruled the world through fear. Standing against him were the Seven Knights, seven brave warriors chosen by the Light Goddess Serrass. With their powers combined, Nestra was defeated and the lands returned to peace. Hundreds of years later the wicked Physis Cult seeks to revive Nestra, summoning undead beasts to ravage the countryside. With the Seven Knights long dead, the Granseed Academy has risen to train the next wave of heroes to combat this threat. Using special cards, the students of Granseed are able to call upon the power of the Seven Knights to guide them in battle.

Our Thoughts

As soon as the opening started with its transforming heroes and lovingly depicted weapon cards, I realised this must be based on a mobile game. Indeed, this is based on a free-to-play gacha from Korean developer Netmarble. Even before I was able to confirm this, Hero Successor failed to draw me in, eschewing details on the nature of its world in lieu of a glamourised marketing push for its source material. What's here is incredibly slight, and likely to be of little interest to anyone who isn't deep into this game.

Who It's For

Seven Knights whales, I guess.

Borscht Rating

Those Snow White Notes

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The Lowdown

Sawamura Setsu mourns the death of his grandfather Matsugorou, a talented shamisen player who refused to pass his secrets on. Not knowing what else to do, he leaves his remote village for Tokyo, taking nothing but his shamisen along with him. Soon he finds himself wrapped up in the complicated life of aspiring actress Yuna and her scuzzy rockstar boyfriend Taketo. When Setsu opens for Taketo's band, he stuns the audience with the raw emotion of his playing. However, his heart is still tumultuous.

Our Thoughts

An entertaining first episode of a speciality music series, which is the kind of thing I have a place in my heart for. I couldn't shake the feeling of some latent misogyny that suggested the role of a woman is to inspire a tortured artist, but I might be wrong. The final few minutes take a twist by introducing Setsu's weird, horny mother who seems to have her own personal SWAT team, and it looks like the series becomes a more conventional high school anime from episode 2 onwards. Don't know about that!

Who It's For

Fans of Kids on the Slope, Sound of the Sky.

Borscht Rating

Tokyo Revengers

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The Lowdown

Former delinquent Takemichi is unsatisfied with the way his life turned out, living alone in a paper-thin apartment and working a minimum wage job under a boss who doesn't respect him. When watching the news one evening, he learns that his highschool sweetheart Hinata was killed, alongside her little brother. On the way to work the next morning, Takemichi falls in front of an oncoming train and wakes up 12 years in the past. Armed with foreknowledge, he attempts to turn his life around and save his onetime lover.

Our Thoughts

This is drawing from a lot of sources; the whole train sequence is lifted straight from Gantz, while the story itself initially seems like a Life on Mars kind of deal. In fact, Tokyo Revengers sees Takemichi jump back and forth between the present and the past, seemingly making small changes until he achieves his desired outcome. It feels like a very video gamey depiction of time travel, and one that's not super interesting.

Who It's For

Steins;Gate fans, maybe? Delinquent manga (Shonan Junai Gumi, Crows, etc.) fans, maybe? It's pretty self-serious compared to any of those.

Borscht Rating

To Your Eternity

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The Lowdown

An immortal being in the form of an orb falls to earth and becomes a stone. Years pass, an ice age sets in, and a white wolf stumbles onto the tundra and dies. The orb, able to take the form of anything that leaves a strong impression on it, transforms into the wolf and slowly learns how to use its newfound ambulatory body. The creature treks back through the tundra where it meets a boy living alone, after the rest of his village left in search of a better life. The boy recognises the wolf as his beloved pet, Johann, and the two begin living together in the harsh, lonely wastes.

Our Thoughts

I'm being a little coy with the synopsis here, and there's a major shake-up at the end of this debut episode. This one's based on a manga by the critically acclaimed Yoshitoki Ooima (A Silent Voice), and it's a depressing, compelling, and exciting start to a series. Lots of potential here!

Who It's For

Fans of NieR, Fragile Dreams: Farewell Ruins of the Moon, Last Exile, Kino's Journey.

Borscht Rating

So, there you have it. I'm hoping this will be of use to anyone who experiences a similar sense of dread when faced with so many choices. Maybe we’ll do this again during the Summer 2021 anime season.

Also, please don't get mad at me if I'm snarky about your new favourite show! It’s just TV and I'm a big idiot anyway.

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spacedancer1701 · 3 years

Text

The Night Before Christmas (Or: Don’t Start Without Me!)

A Star Trek Fic

Fandoms: Star Trek, Star Trek: The Original Series (TOS), Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (AOS) Pairing: McCoy x Original Female Character (Dr. Jennifer Hope) Characters: Dr. Leonard “Bones” McCoy, Jenny Hope Rating/Warnings: Explicit (M) Tags: Romance, Love, Smut and Fluff, Explicit Sexual Content Word Count: 4,747

Read it on AO3: The Night Before Christmas

Summary:

This is a very private story Hope and McCoy decided to share after I received several requests expressing interest in their more intimate affairs. 😉

Or simply put: a (missing) Hope and McCoy smut scene.

(Although you don’t have to be familiar with my other Hope/McCoy stories to enjoy this little one-shot.)

A little present 🎁 for everyone who mourns the lack of smutty details in my other Hope/McCoy fics. Merry Christmas! 🎄

And to all of you who don’t celebrate Christmas – don’t worry, it’s not what this story is really about. It’s basically just a ‘naughty’ Hope/McCoy chapter.

You have been warned. 🙈😅 Enjoy! ❤️

Jenny was trying to get comfortable in the bed that suddenly seemed far too big for her alone. She couldn't believe she was spending tonight without Leonard. Especially, since they hadn’t seen much of each other for the past two weeks, either, and the evening had begun so promising.

It was Christmas Eve, and after Jenny had helped putting the finishing touches on the decorations for the big party tomorrow, she and Leonard had shared a lovely festive dinner with their friends, who’d sent them ‘home’ early with knowing smirks and not so subtle remarks, after the captain and Uhura had unanimously decided that they’d had enough of watching them ‘shamelessly making out’ all evening.

The Enterprise crew had had a tough month, with lots of adventure and surprises, to put it mildly, and Leonard had practically been living in sickbay, while Jenny had also had her hands full between work and helping prepare for the big Christmas party that had become the annual highlight for everyone aboard. Even the crewmembers who didn’t actually celebrate Christmas, just because it was one of those lovely human traditions that reminded them of Earth, or Earth colonies, which were home to most of the crew.

After dinner, Jenny and Leonard had all but raced along the ship’s corridors, with Leonard using the time in the turbolift to wrap her in his loving arms and make the most thrilling promises about all the things he was going to do to her once they were back in their quarters.

“Don’t start without me,” he’d murmured suggestively in her ear, before slipping back out the door to quickly go get his PADD, which he had accidentally left in sickbay, making her soak her panties with just those few words in that incredibly sexy voice of his.

That had been more than two hours ago, as not even a minute after he’d gone, he’d called her on her comm to let her know that he’d arrived just in time for yet another emergency, the disappointment in his voice easily matching her own. Clearly, she hadn’t been the only one hardly able to contain herself anymore.

For some time, Jenny had tried to distract herself by getting ready for his return. Tarting herself up, as her grandmother would have called it, indulging in a real water shower and slipping on the Christmassy underwear Nyota had talked her into buying during a recent starbase shopping spree. A silky shirt and matching panties that were sure to bring out the tiger in Leonard.

Then she’d made herself some tea and settled down on the couch with her PADD to read for a while, but soon found that there wasn’t much fun in wearing a seductive outfit without Leonard around to appreciate it. Particularly as, with his soft drawl and all the enticing promises still fresh in her ear, if anything, her arousal had only grown since he’d walked out the door.

So, with a sympathetic sigh, knowing that the poor doctor didn’t have that luxury and was, by now, most likely totally focused on whatever medical emergency had arisen, Jenny slid under the covers, closed her eyes, and conjured up his sweet, handsome face. Sex was certainly not what their love was built on, but she couldn't deny that making love to him had become a sweet addiction, and that they both got kind of restless and on edge if it had been too long. Which it definitely had.

Making love to Leonard was wonderful beyond description. Gentle and hot, tender and exciting, comforting and fulfilling. He was everything a woman could wish for, and he was all hers. He’d also been the first to show her how enjoyable physical love could be, tenderly and patiently guiding and teaching her, and it had become even better ever since.

The devotion with which he ‘worshipped her body’, as he called it, knowing exactly where and how she loved to be touched most, yet always searching for new ways to pleasure her, got her all flustered just thinking about. Not to mention the way he responded to her touches, making pleasuring him at least as rewarding as letting him drive her to ecstatic heights with his incredibly nimble fingers, lips and tongue.

Smiling to herself, Jenny thought how they’d still be ‘at it’ when they were both old and grey. She couldn't imagine the day when she wouldn’t find the doctor hot and wildly attractive anymore. One of his slow smiles, an almost indiscernible wink, or the gentle sound of his voice saying her name were all she needed to make her go weak in the knees.

Unnoticed, Jenny’s hand had found its way inside her panties, looking to ease the heat that thoughts of Leonard never failed to spark. She hadn’t wanted to ‘start without him’, but now she found she just couldn't stop. Gently writhing and slowly rolling her hips under the touch of her own fingers, she imagined Leonard expertly bringing her to the brink. But no matter how hard she tried, there was no way she could draw out her pleasure and tease herself as skilfully as he could. Instead, she was tumbling over the edge almost instantly.

Tensing up, Jenny came with a low moan, unable to pull her fingers away just yet, as the short relief immediately turned into desperate need again. Leonard always teased her about how, once he got her going, she just couldn't seem to get enough, taking great pleasure in the fact. And just picturing his enraptured gaze as he took her from one orgasm to another, made her climax again. And again. Until her fingers were too wet to apply enough friction, helplessly slipping around inside her drenched panties, and Jenny fell asleep, completely drained.

-x-x-x-x-x-

Tired and disappointed to have missed out on what had promised to become his best ‘Night Before Christmas’ yet, McCoy quietly slipped into his quarters to the titillating sight of his darling Hope fast asleep, bedcovers kicked aside, fingers wedged inside her panties, leaving no doubt about what she’d been up to before falling asleep and kindling instant desire in him.

Of course, he knew that women did that all the time. He was a doctor, dammit! And he’d been a lover before Hope was even born. Or would have been born, if she hadn’t already been born three centuries ago. God, the view made him lose all power of coherent thought, while the bulge in his pants was threatening to burst through the material. And, of course, he’d fantasised about her doing it while thinking of him long before they’d become lovers. But Hope actually lying here like this, a breath-taking picture of silky red and lacy/fluffy white, cheeks still flushed a rosy pink from exertion, was by far the hottest thing he’d ever seen.

Picturing her in the act of pleasuring herself, McCoy didn’t doubt for a minute that she’d been thinking about him. He knew only too well that it had been him who’d taught her the physical pleasures of love in the first place. A fact she loved to remind him about frequently. And he could never get tired of hearing her tell him how, that first time, he’d made her feel pleasure like she’d never known before, and how, ever since, she’d been helpless to resist his touch, a single finger, or the simple flick of his tongue, enough to drive her crazy with desire.

Oh, how he longed to hear her tell him that now. In fact, he longed for much more than just that. What he really wanted, was to know exactly what she’d been thinking about. What she’d imagined him doing to her. Details of what she loved and enjoyed most. How she’d brought herself to orgasm. And how often. And, not least, what had aroused her so much it had caused her to touch herself to begin with.

Hope wasn’t big on dirty talk, or even on telling him what she liked or would like him to do. She just didn’t feel comfortable with it, happy to let him do all the talking. But she had a million other ways of showing him how she enjoyed his ministrations, that he’d come to appreciate at least as much. He could certainly never get enough of her little moans and gasps, or the way her body trembled and pressed against him with need and pleasure.

After quietly taking off his clothes and a quick trip to the bathroom, McCoy slid into bed next to Hope, stark naked, leaving the lights on low, so he could still enjoy her beauty and her incredibly hot outfit. She certainly knew how to turn him on beyond measure. It took all his self-control not to wake her, his desire almost getting the better of him. But looking at her relaxed and serene face, so peacefully asleep, he settled for taking matters into his own hands, literally. Imagining the things Hope might have done and thought about while he’d been tied up in sickbay.

He’d barely started touching himself, shivering as he ran his thumb lightly over the already slick tip of his erection, when his gaze fell on Hope’s hand still caught inside her panties, the naughty sweetness of it nearly killing him. This was his Hope, the light and love of his life, the wonderful woman who’d chosen to spend the rest of her days with him, and who never ceased to amaze and surprise him. Or arouse him. And that was the moment he decided that, with it being Christmas and all, it was practically his duty to wake her and show her how much better he could finish what she’d begun on her own.

-x-x-x-x-x-

Jenny woke to the feeling of soft lips covering her face in little kisses, and the gentle touch of familiar fingers on her skin, lovingly caressing her hips and belly. Noticing with a start that her own fingers were still trapped in her panties, she felt herself blush furiously, totally embarrassed to have been caught ‘in the act’. But when she tried to pull her hand out, Leonard’s bigger one quickly gripped hers, keeping it in place.

“Don’t take your hand away, love,” he murmured, his voice thick with desire, “I want you to keep it right there. To show me what you did. How you touched yourself. I want to watch you pleasuring yourself and maybe learn something new about you.”

She must have blushed even more at that, because Leonard pressed a gentle kiss on her lips and said with a smirk, “Don’t be shy, love! No need to be embarrassed! It’s really quite flattering to think that I left you so horny you couldn't wait. Finding you like this certainly made me so hard I briefly thought about following your example. And I’m not even talking about your stunning outfit, although I’m pretty sure there’s a law against wearing such a slinky little thing. But then I decided I’d rather wake you after all.”

“I’m glad you did,” Jenny smiled at the doctor, blinking the sleepiness away.

She was already incredibly turned on again just listening to his words, yet couldn't help feeling shy about touching herself in front of Leonard, even though it was perfectly clear how much the idea excited him. Just like she could never really bring herself to talk dirty to him, despite understanding why he’d love her to, seeing what his dirty talk unfailingly did to her.

So, deciding to humour him when he let go of her hand, Jenny gingerly started to draw little circles with her fingers inside her panties, unable to suppress a low moan as she noticed how wet she’d already become again, and eliciting a not so subtle groan from the doctor, who pressed a hot kiss on her lips before returning his lustful gaze to her nether regions.

“Don’t hold back, love,” he purred, gently stroking her thigh and rolling his hips in obvious arousal. “Show me how you make yourself feel good!”

Emboldened by how much Leonard was enjoying this, Jenny began to rub herself in earnest, her breath getting more erratic and her own hips starting to roll in time with her circling fingers, the doctor’s soft moans and encouraging words spurring her on.

“That’s it, love,” he murmured close to her ear, sounding a little breathless, “just let yourself go. Feels so good, doesn’t it? Your fingers going exactly where you need them, touching you just right.”

Leonard talking like that, fuelling her desire like only he could, was too much. Jenny forgot all about her inhibitions, bucking her hips and letting out a soft yelp as she came by her own fingers under the doctor’s mesmerised gaze, his hand sliding under her shirt and tenderly caressing her breasts, as she came off her high, gasping and trying to get her breathing back to normal.

“Do you do this often?” he asked softly, his eyes gleaming and his breath hot on her face, as his hand slid down her belly until it gently covered hers, still preventing it to pull out of her panties.

“I did, before we became lovers,” she confessed reluctantly, suddenly feeling shy again.

“And when you did, what were you fantasising about?”

The question alone was enough to set Jenny on fire again. Add Leonard’s bedroom voice, and she was helpless to keep her fingers from starting to move anew.

“About you, Leonard! Who else?” she sighed longingly, losing herself in his soulful eyes. “About you holding and kissing me.”

“Just holding and kissing, huh?” Leonard chuckled affectionately, brushing a tender, almost chaste kiss on her temple. “And that got you going?”

“Actually, it did!” Jenny blustered, momentarily distracted by the doctor’s undisguised mirth, her fingers losing their rhythm.

Leonard pressed another – less chaste – kiss on her lips, and, chuckling to himself once more, gently pushed her fingers aside.

“I’m taking over, love,” he smiled softly, and a moment later, Jenny’s whole body was on fire with unbridled desire.

-x-x-x-x-x-

“Oh my God!” Hope cried out, her body writhing under McCoy’s touch. “It’s so much better when you do it!”

The doctor felt a hot surge of pure lust ripple through him, thrilled by her keen response.

“Tell me, love, what exactly makes it so much better?” he tried to cajole her into a little dirty-talk after all, keeping his touches extra light, knowing perfectly well how that was driving her crazy.

“I just can’t last as long without you,” she confessed sheepishly, blushing adorably and drawing in a sharp breath every time he gently tapped her swollen nub. “I can’t help giving in to my need, where you would still endlessly torment me.”

“So, you love it when I tease you?” he probed, enjoying every word of this stimulating conversation. “When my touch is deliberately light and slow? Like this?”

Hope just nodded, groaning at his ‘demonstration’, his fingers easily gliding through the delicious wetness. It never ceased to amaze and delight him how responsive she was to every little one of his touches.

“When you’re begging me to let you come, you actually want me to keep you on the edge?”

“No! Please!” she cried, her thighs clamping around his hand, desperate for more friction.

“But I think you do,” McCoy kept on teasing her, knowing her well enough to see that she was already incredibly close and wondering how much longer he could still keep his own arousal at bay. “Why? Because it makes release infinitely sweeter the longer you’re denied?”

“You’re cruel!” Hope gritted out, bucking wildly against his hand now, her fingers scrabbling around the bedsheets for purchase.

“Maybe I am,” he whispered, starting to kiss her neck and nibble her ear, taking full advantage of knowing her body so well. “Or maybe I just want you to experience unprecedented pleasure.”

Hope was groping for McCoy’s hand now, getting hold of his wrist and gripping it hard. She always did this when his teasing got too much for her, and it never failed to amuse him how she really thought she was strong enough to force his hand into applying more pressure.

“But then again, perhaps I simply love having this power over your lust, over your body,” he grinned wickedly, enjoying nothing more than driving Hope to the heights of ecstasy, before going for the clincher, anticipating the exact effect his next words would have on her. “And, of course, you need to be punished for starting without me.”

That did it. That, and the skilled touch of a finger that, after months of experience and practice, had come to know Hope’s body inside out.

-x-x-x-x-x-

Jenny hurtled over the edge into free fall, exploding into a million shards of pleasure, only realising the noise she was making when Leonard sealed her lips with a passionate kiss in an attempt to muffle her sounds of ecstasy the way he did every time after making her lose control, always a great source of amusement to him.

Admittedly, virtually every orgasm the doctor gave her felt like the best ever, but this time, Jenny was fairly sure it was true. She’d definitely come harder than she had ever before. And a second and third time, before the first climax had even subsided. It felt like getting caught in an endless stream of intense pleasure, the smug grin on Leonard’s face proof of how well he knew what he was doing to her, and how much he enjoyed it.

“My insatiable girl,” he smiled tenderly, brushing damp strands of hair from her flushed face, love and lust blending together in his beautiful eyes. “You have no idea how gorgeous you are. Or how hot it is to see you like this. And how exciting to know that I did this. That I can make you feel like this. That I can tease you to my heart’s content and make you feel pleasure almost too much for you to handle.”

Always staying humble, incredulous almost, despite being this amazing lover, was one of Leonard’s most endearing qualities.

“Just be careful it doesn’t get you more excited than you can handle,” Jenny giggled as soon as she’d caught her breath again.

And still high from her incredible flight of ecstasy, she gently took hold of Leonard’s pulsing erection, finding it rock-hard and fit to burst, and almost made him come at the first touch.

“Jesus! What are you doing to me young lady?” he groaned, and Jenny was thrilled to see that he had to squeeze his eyes shut in concentration to stave off his own imminent orgasm. “Go easy on an old man’s heart!”

“Too late, old man,” she laughed, enjoying being the one in charge for a change, giving his shaft a few firm strokes while lightly running the fingers of her other hand over his crown, teasing his slit and rim, and revelling in the groans, and grunts, and gasps, that her ministrations coaxed out of him, his whole body twitching and jolting with desperate, urgent need. “You brought this on yourself, Doctor! It’s time you got a good taste of your own medicine!”

Watching him come apart at the touch of her hands, Jenny’s heart was brimming over with tender love for the man who’d thrown himself into making this the night of her life, as if he hadn’t just spent exhausting hours in sickbay, dealing with whatever emergency had come up this time. Judging from his playful mood, she could at least be sure that everyone was all right again. She’d ask him all about it later, but for now she had another goal to accomplish. And that was to give him as much pleasure and satisfaction as she possibly could. He’d definitely more than earned it tonight.

Applying all the skills she’d acquired over time, having had months of exploring Leonard’s body and desires, she went on stroking and teasing, alternating between firm and light touches, one hand taking care of his throbbing erection, while the other gently played with his balls. The whole time, her eyes never left the doctor’s handsome face, adorably scrunched up with unbridled lust now, as he was lost in sweet, unbearable pleasure, visibly torn between needing to come so badly and never wanting the feeling to stop.

“I love you, Leonard!” Jenny whispered, leaning over to softly trail her lips from his cheekbone down to his jaw, making him shiver with need, and want, and longing.

“God, Jenny, I love you, too,” he sighed, his lips capturing hers in a deep kiss, and his hand slipping inside her panties again.

“Teasing me makes you even wetter it seems,” Leonard groaned, thrusting hard into Jenny’s hand a couple more times before pushing away abruptly and going down on her before she even knew what was happening.

“Oh my God you’ve never tasted better,” he mumbled, his mouth pressed against her core after having made quick work of her panties, and Jenny thought she might pass out from the intense desire he was arousing in her once more.

She started to grind against his face, so close again already, but the doctor easily pinned her hips down with his strong hands, thus putting a stop to her movements.

“I want to drink every last delicious drop of your juices, love,” he positively growled, “before I give you what you so desperately crave. But I promise you won’t regret it.”

And true to his word, after putting her through what felt like endless, overwhelming need, his lips, tongue, and even his teeth teasing her in every possibly way, he sent her higher than she’d ever been before, making one orgasm spill into the next, his mouth never leaving her most sensitive parts, humming and moaning as if he were indulging in the most deliciously tasting dessert.

Once again, Jenny couldn't help but admire how much control over his own body Leonard showed when it came to pleasuring her, patiently stroking, and caressing, and nibbling, and licking her through all of her orgasms and beyond, not stopping until she’d come back down from her incredible high, breathing hard and shivering with exhaustion.

As soon as he was sure that she was truly satisfied, however, he didn’t waste another moment before finally acting on his own raging need, sliding up her body in one swift move to kiss her mouth hungrily and bury himself deep inside her with a single thrust, knowing that she was wet enough to easily take him.

And, unable to maintain control over his lust any longer, Leonard came after only a few more thrusts with an almighty groan, a soft curse, and a completely misguided apology. A sad hang-up from his time with Jocelyn, that still needed a lot more of Jenny’s gentle reassurances and healing love to help him finally overcome it.

Having learned how to draw out Leonard’s pleasure, Jenny clenched around his length, still buried deep inside her, eliciting more moans and gentle swearing from him, and making him throw back his head one last time before finally collapsing on top of her, breathless and drained, barely able to keep his weight off her.

“God almighty, you’re something else young lady,” he panted, the tender contentment in his eyes melting her heart. “I should really know by now that teasing you always backfires.”

Jenny laughed delightedly, wrapping her arms tightly around him and rolling them over on their sides. She didn’t mind his weight at all, in fact, enjoyed feeling him blanketing her. He wasn’t a heavy man. But she knew that he was always afraid to crush her and couldn’t really relax like that.

“This was amazing, Leonard!” she sighed, shifting even closer and nestling tightly into his arms. “But even so, I think I prefer you not being called away, so that we can ‘start together’.”

“I’m absolutely with you there, love,” he chuckled, “even though every night with you is amazing, no matter how we start or what we do. I sure am the luckiest man alive.”

“Just as I am the luckiest woman alive,” Jenny replied, gazing deeply into his eyes to make him see how sincere she was.

-x-x-x-x-x-

And McCoy knew that she really meant it. That was the best part of loving Hope. She didn’t play games. Not power games, and not any other kind. She was always straightforward. Genuine and sincere through and through. With her, you got exactly what you saw. At least he did. Maybe she could still fool someone who didn’t know her so well. She did have a tendency to hide her troubles behind her cheerful personality, after all.

But he could usually tell, if she was truly happy or not, and she’d more or less given up on trying to pretend with him, accepting that he’d much rather worry about her than find out too late that he hadn’t been there for her when she’d needed him. And he could always be sure that when she said she liked something, she really did. And when she was angry with him, or disappointed, she’d just say so, too. Simple as that. Being with her was just so easy. He’d never been so comfortable in a relationship before. Or so happy. Or so in love.

That didn’t mean she didn’t stress him, of course. In fact, aside from being his sunshine and the joy of his life, she was also a nearly constant source of worry for him, almost as bad as Jim in attracting danger. Or strange blows of fate. But it was all worth it. She was worth it. He’d gladly take on all the worrying in the world, if it meant having her love.

Because Hope’s love, boundless and unconditional, was one of the few certainties in his life. The one thing he had complete and utter faith in and knew he could always depend upon. Whatever she saw in him, he’d given up trying to understand, simply accepting that she believed him to be worthy of her affections and had given him her heart to hold and take care of.

McCoy might be afraid of losing her, considering all the dangers that came with living and working in space, but never of losing her love. And he’d certainly never stop doing everything in his power to make her, if not the luckiest, then hopefully the happiest woman alive.

-x-x-x-x-x-

Jenny watched Leonard’s eyes grow soft, as he let his loving gaze roam all over her body. She knew that look well. He always had it when she paid him a compliment or told him how much she loved him. Especially after they’d just made love. It was a look of blissful happiness mixed with wonder, and it never failed to tug at her heartstrings.

Leonard was every woman’s dream, in and out of the bedroom. And while he was confident enough as a doctor and scientist, and also as a lover, she knew that he still felt undeserving when it came to being loved. Jocelyn really had a lot to answer for, and Jenny was glad that she had a whole lifetime to convince Leonard of his own worth. To make him see what an amazing man he really was.

His gaze finally returning to her face after having lingered on her Christmas outfit for a considerable amount of time, Jenny saw a naughty grin spread across the doctor’s face.

“Tonight has turned out amazing after all, love, hasn’t it?” he smiled, kissing her tenderly on the lips. “But knowing you as I do, we’re not done yet.”

The mischievous grin on his face grew even wider, as his fingers started toying with the hem of her silky shirt and slowly making their way further down from there.

“I’m exhausted, Leonard!” Jenny laughed, trying to brush his hand away.

“I’m afraid I’ll have to check that myself. I can’t just take your word for it!” he replied in his no-nonsense CMO voice, before adding in a softer tone, “You are my insatiable girl after all, and I’m sure you’ll understand that, as your doctor, I couldn't afford to be negligent in my duties!”

“Believe me, Leonard,” Jenny giggled, as the doctor’s fingers gently probed between her thighs, and he broke into a knowing smile, “I’m totally spent! You made sure of that only a minute ago, remember? I couldn’t even ... ah ... oh my God!”

************ Disclaimer: Nothing of or associated with Star Trek is mine – it all belongs to Paramount / ViacomCBS (or whoever else is currently holding the rights). This is a work of fanfiction, no infringement intended.

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space-helen · 4 years

Text

Greeting

Words: 885

Pairing: Leonard McCoy x Reader

A/N: I haven’t written Bones in ages but I really like how this turned out. Also in reference to the request. I wasn’t sure who you wanted the reader to hug so I went with Spock since it makes more sense?

Request: I would love of you would write a thing where Spocks human cousin (from his mothers side) is beamed aboard to be a part of the crew and shes the exact opposite of spock, incredably emotional, and Bones is like... *blink blink* upon meeting her and balks when she goes up and hugs him, getting teary eyed about Amanda when she's beamed aboard. And he low key falls in love with her immediately. I understand if it's too specific, thank you for reading♥️♥️😚 - Anon

______________________________

“I really don’t see why all three of us have to greet the new Lieutenant.” Bones grumbled as he fell into step with Spock and the Captain.

“C’mon Bones, she’s the new Chief of Security Bones. She deserves a warm welcome.” Jim said, clamping his hand down on the doctor's shoulder.

Bones grumbled under his breath as the three of them filed into the transporter room, standing in a line as they watched the new arrival materialised on the transporter pad.

You looked around the room and took everything in before laying eyes on your cousin Spock. Tears welled up in your eyes almost instantaneously, you hadn’t seen the man properly since the destruction of Vulcan and the loss of his mother, your aunt.

Your feet were moving towards him instinctively, your arms wrapping around him and pulling him close as a tear ran down your face. “I’m so sorry about your mother Spock, I miss aunty Amanda.” Bones watched the interaction in complete shock as Spock stayed rigid beneath the woman’s embrace.

“Gentlemen this is my cousin and our new Chief of Security. Lieutenant Y/N Y/L/N.”

Bones blinked in disbelief, his mouth slightly agape. How could these two people be related? It had only been a couple of seconds yet he could tell they were almost polar opposites, you’d already shown more emotion in five seconds than he’d ever seen Spock show. Jim laughed at Bones’ reaction and he soon snapped out of it. “You knew?” Bones accusingly pointed his finger.

“The expression on your face right now is priceless.” Jim continued to laugh at the man.

Pulling away from Spock you shook the Captain’s hand “It’s nice to finally meet you. Thank You for having me on the ship.” you used your other hand to wipe away the tear marks on your face.

Jim shook your hand in return “The pleasure is all mine. You’re a very welcome addition to the family.”

Smiling you turned to the Doctor and shook his hand. “You must be Doctor McCoy.”

He shook your hand “Call me Lenoard.” the sentence had tumbled out by accident, throwing his first name out like that was a rarity, especially for people he’d just met.

The gesture did not go unnoticed by the other men. “Bones here is going to give you a tour of the ship and show you to your quarters.”

“I’m what now?” The man turned to Jim.

“Have fun.” with that Jim quickly left, Spock raised an eyebrow at the Doctor before following the Captain.

“Bones?” you smiled at the man and raised your eyebrows.

“Yeah it’s Jim's nickname for me. It’s a long story.”

“We have time.” The man gestured for you to exit before him and the tour was soon underway.

“And here we are. Your quarters.” You walked into the room and looked around, the man following you inside.

You took a seat and invited the man over to sit next to you. “Thank you for the tour.”

“My pleasure Darlin’” the man thought back to the tour, he’d definitely dragged it out for longer than he should have, getting to know you as the two of you walked around and thoroughly enjoying your company. There was only one subject he hadn’t brought up yet. “So tell me. What’s it like being related to Spock.”

You turned towards the man “Well obviously I’m not Vulcan. Amanda was my aunt and I spent many summer’s on Vulcan with her and she’d visit Earth whenever she could.” you started to get a little teary eyed thinking of her “I loved her greatly.” you hesitated and shoved the emotions away the best you could, not wanting to break down in front of the man you’d just met “I hadn’t seen Spock properly since the incident. I’d attended her memorial but couldn’t hang around too long because I was required back on my last ship.”

“I’m sorry.” the man reached his hand out and placed it on yours and gave it a squeeze before removing it.

“It’s ok.” you sadly smiled and moved the topic back on track. “Spock wasn’t the most fun cousin but I loved him and he loved me. We did a lot of reading, drawing and exploring together. I truly looked forward to seeing him every year. Vulcan was a really beautiful place. I’m glad I got to experience it.”

“I’ve heard it was a sight for sore eyes.”

You smiled “Anyway enough about Vulcan and Spock. I’ve got to save the embarrassing stories in case I need them.”

“That’s a very good idea, that sort of material is useful.” the man’s communicator was soon beeping and he flipped it open to hear someone calling him down to sickbay. “I’m so sorry I have to leave.”

You smiled “That’s not a problem at all. Thank you for taking time to show me around.”

“It was my pleasure. I’ll see you around Y/N”

You stood and followed the man to the door “See you around.”

He walked away and turned at the end of the corridor to see you watching him walk away, you gave him a small wave and he smiled and waved back. He’d only spent a short amount of time with you but he already longed for more.

Tag List: (open)

Bones: @cobe76 @ladyideal

AOS and Disco: @spaskaalekha @wallows-spring

All Star Trek: @morganofthecoves1 @sophiasescape @livenerdyandprosper @allthetrek @deeppandanerdbatty

#bones mccoy x reader #bones x reader #doctor mccoy x reader #dr mccoy x reader #leonard mccoy x reader #star trek x reader #star trek aos x reader

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blog-sliverofjade · 4 years

Text

Hearth Fires 13: Briefing

Pairing: Remi Denier x OFC

Summary: Lorel Maddox just wants to live as a human, run her bakery in peace, and forget. Unfortunately, the alpha of the local leopard pack has very different ideas.

Remi Denier doesn’t know what to make of the female Changeling who wants nothing to do with him or the RainFire pack. He does know that he has a driving need to protect her. Even if it’s from herself.

While they’re embroiled in a battle of wills, there’s a war brewing on the horizon. The outside threat could not only destroy everything they hold dear, but tear apart the fragile new bonds of the Trinity Accord, plunging the world into bloodshed to rival the Territorial Wars of centuries past.

Word count: 2128

Hearth Fires Masterlist

Beta read by the magnificent @pandabearer

A harsh reputation can be the first line of defense.

-Hawke Snow, alpha of SnowDancer

Briefing the sentinels on the meeting with Sheriff Shaw was like chewing glass. The violence simmering under his skin was nearly at the combustion point by the time he was done. The darkness was taking over, a maelstrom churning in his gut because the strength that came with the frenzy was dangerously tantalizing. More than most alphas, he knew that strength could harm those it was meant to protect.

Good alphas maintained order with a balance of heart and harsh discipline. Without that balance, packs didn’t last long. The pack haemorrhaged members left and right until only unmated dominants, mostly males, remained. The subsequent battles for dominance tore the remnants apart.

He would never hurt their most vulnerable, even if that meant abdicating as alpha. Both thoughts were abhorrent. While it would be equivalent to cutting off a limb, he would do it in a heartbeat to protect them from himself should it come to that.

There hadn’t been time for Remi to take a hard run, which was the only way he could vent the brutality that had been bred into his very bones. A good, hard fight would be better, but not even his sentinels could withstand the full brunt of Remi’s wrath. Perhaps later he’d see if Aden was available, the Arrow could take whatever Remi dished out and serve it back with interest.

Taking a deep breath to cleanse the caustic memories, he clamped down on every vicious tendency with the unbending will that made him alpha and continued.

“Lark, I want you to negotiate an alliance with StormWillow, see if they’re willing to trade intel.” Information from an aerial perspective would be invaluable, and RainFire’s network on the ground was stronger than theirs.

There was already an agreement in place to respect borders- they didn’t fly over RainFire lands, and the cats stayed out of raven territory- but nothing more formal than that. When things hit the fan, the changelings looked to the predators for protection, and if his gut was right, it was best to start building on that foundation now.

“Are you picking on me because of my name?” She narrowed her eyes at him, not realizing he wasn’t in the mood for teasing.

“Don’t crows eat songbirds, like larks?” Elijah quipped with a waggle of his eyebrows.

A low growl was the only warning she gave before launching herself across the table at the other sentinel. They fell to the floor while the others provided a laugh track for the scuffle, some helpfully calling out advice.

“Hey!” Remi barked and dropped his control for a split second, allowing his power to lash across them all like a whip. All heads snapped to target on him, the hooligans freezing where they were on the floor. More than one face went ashen.

“We’ve got a compromised area on the eastern border, a submissive in recovery from a vicious beating, increasing hostility from Enforcement, and you two think now’s a good time to fuck around? Can you look Stian in the eye and tell him a little grab ass was more important than protecting the pack?”

All eyes dropped from him in shame. He let them stew in their mortification. Yeah, he could be a bastard, but that was part of the job description. This was his first true test as an alpha. If they- if he- wasn’t up to the challenge, word would spread like fire through drought-parched grass. Other predators would pick them off like wounded deer from a herd.

“Out,” he snarled.

After quickly putting the room to rights, they filed out without meeting his furious gaze. Theo was the last one to leave and paused by Remi.

“The restlessness is starting to affect more than just the juveniles.” Without an alpha’s calming presence, teenagers could get aggressive and he sure as shit hadn’t had the internal calm required to maintain order.

The darkness raised its head at the perceived criticism. It wanted to rend and maim the offending party. Fortunately, Theo didn’t wait for a response and made his exit. Once he was gone, the malevolence settled again.

The sudden ebb and flow of his ire had him worried he'd inherited the madness after all. Leaning forward to brace his hands on the table, Remi took a steadying breath, though his muscles remained tense as ever. Perhaps it would be best to give Aden a call sooner than later, before he did something he couldn't take back.

Lorel fussed with the plate one last time; no matter how delicious they were, scones were nearly impossible to arrange aesthetically. Pressing a hand against the cobalt blue teapot, handmade by a local artisan, she checked the temperature again. Still warm. Should she have made herbal instead? Probably would have been the better choice, judging by the way her hand shook from the three cups she’d already had.

There was a knock at the door, and she jumped. Definitely should have made decaf. She’d been too distracted fretting over the food that she hadn’t heard the car pull into the driveway. That wasn’t too difficult when hover mode was used, but she normally would have heard it park. Hurriedly scrubbing her palms on her black capris, she went to answer the door.

“Tien, thank you for coming.”

The woman on her doorstep wore a dusty pink ao dai with three-quarter sleeves over flowing white pants. The long, clean lines of the clothing emphasized her slender form. Lorel smoothed her own pear green sweater and wondered if she looked like a big, fat apple, because she sure felt like one in comparison to the other woman.

The little rituals of hospitality as she welcomed her guest helped ease some of her nerves. Once they’d settled in and been plied with pastries and tea, she sprang the reason for inviting Tien to afternoon tea.

“As you no doubt heard the other night, I haven’t lived with other changelings since I was six years old,” she admitted, tucking a wayward curl behind her ear. “I know nothing about what it’s like living in a pack.”

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have laid into you like that.” Tien gently laid a hand on her arm, easing another knot of anxiety in Lorel’s gut. “I get a little protective, but that’s no excuse.”

“You already apologized.” She laid her own hand over the other woman’s with a small smile. “Would you mind giving me a Cliff notes version of what it’s like?”

“Oh, honey, you’re going to regret asking me that!” she tilted her head back and laughed, onyx-black hair sliding like silk. “That’s like asking a grandparent about their grandbabies; they’ll never stop!” Lorel’s natural smile slipped into the customer service one and she took a quick sip that she didn’t need.

“As I was saying, however poorly, we can’t afford to appear weak. RainFire isn’t as big, powerful, or as established as DarkRiver or SnowDancer.” Even Lorel had heard of those Californian packs. They were involved in the events that had changed the world and worked to build Trinity. “Some might see a pack unable to run off a stray cat and think we’re easy prey. Our laws help keep the peace; without them, it’d be the Territorial Wars all over again.”

“It sounds like a dictatorship.”

“Hm, it can be in unhealthy packs,” she conceded after a moment, looking out at the middle distance of the backyard. The tiny sunroom off the kitchen was set up as a dining nook, and Lorel left the French doors open to take advantage of one of the last warm afternoons of the season, giving them an unobstructed view of where the civilized backyard gave way to wild forest.

“And in healthy ones?” prompted Lorel when it was apparent Tien wasn’t going to continue in that vein.

“Anyone, even Jojo, can approach Remi. Whether or not he actually does what we suggest is another matter because he has to weigh in all the factors.” She grinned, no doubt imagining the types of proposals her daughter would come up with. “The mark of a healthy pack is the cubs and submissives. If they don’t feel safe and secure, then they’re not happy.”

“So, you’re not a submissive, but you’re not a soldier?”

“I’m mid-range.” A slender hand held horizontally and tilted side to side. “I’m what’s called a maternal.” Drawing back, Tien gave her an appraising look. “You’re a little hard to peg, but you’re probably either submissive or maternal. Definitely not a dominant; you don’t strike me as stubborn, competitive, arrogant, domineering, aggressive…”

“Don’t hold back, how do you really feel about them?”

“Dominants will both treat you like spun glass and push and push until you set boundaries.” Tien chuckled at her wry tone. “And even then they might try and test those boundaries.”

“Maternal or submissive? Makes it sound like I should be barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen.” Practically radiating feline mischief, Tien gave Lorel’s bare feet a pointed look, then slid her eyes towards the kitchen a few feet away. “You know what I mean!” she laughed.

“Maternal doesn’t just mean motherhood.” More throaty laughter that instead of being directed at Lorel, encouraged her to join in. “We’re the ones that keep us all together, organize fun things like the party the other night. A submissive’s role isn’t about power, it’s about love. They help the rest of us maintain our humanity. If we were all dominants, we’d end up at each other’s throats before long.”

A familiar ache stabbed through her chest and she turned away on the pretext of topping up her cup. Once she had herself back under control, she found Tien staring at her with the unblinking intensity of a predator in her dark, triangular eyes.

“Uh, does that happen often?” she coughed, hiding behind a quick drink. “Turning on each other?”

“Dominants are built to protect, but too many of them for too long and it usually doesn’t end well. Packs need a balance of dynamics. It’s up to the alpha to ensure that, and really, in the end, the alpha can either make or break the pack. Like humans, we have our own tragedies and evils,” she sighed and rubbed a thumb along the handle of her cup. “As far as I know, and I’m not an expert, we’re no better and no worse statistically speaking. Some of us in RainFire come from… less than ideal situations.”

“Jojo?” Both ocelot and woman were immediately on alert, bristling at the thought of any harm coming to the little girl.

“Oh no!” Eyes widening in earnestness, Tien put a reassuring hand on Lorel’s shoulder. Surprisingly, she found herself leaning into the touch, even imagined what it’d feel like on her bare skin. It wasn’t anything sexual; it just felt so good that Lorel imagined her skin was greedily soaking it up and feeding it directly to her soul. Even her animal- usually an angry, semi-feral thing- calmed until it was practically purring.

“Not my family,” she shook her head and removed her hand to take another apple cheddar scone. The cat snarled at the loss of contact, its typical surliness rushing back in to fill the void. “I just meant that some of us didn’t really know how to live in a pack, either, so I’m sure you’ll fit right in.”

Lorel’s primal half, hurting and denied release from the prison she kept it in, lashed out in the only course it had left.

“I’m not an idiot, I know where I’d stand in the hierarchy and I’m not about to be anyone’s bitch.” The vitriol in her voice, harsh and throaty with the cat, startled even her.

Utter silence reigned.

Cold slithered down her spine. Normally, given its druthers, her ocelot would always choose fight over flight, deranged thing that it was. But some long-buried instinct in the cat surfaced, warning that Tien was more powerful. Experience taught that, that always boded ill for her.

The animal she kept so tightly controlled scrabbled to escape, raking her insides bloody in a demand to be set free. It needed to run and save them both from the situation it created. She’d long ago learned to allow fleeting bits of freedom to that aspect of her nature before it grew too wild, too painful to contain. Because of that balancing act, it had been years since she last lost control and shifted involuntarily.

The pain and ecstasy of the shift didn’t even register to the cat. Not pausing to settle her fur, she bolted out the open doors, leaving the woman to call after her in surprise.

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1987vampire · 5 years

Text

First Time for Everything

Fandom: Star Trek. Fits TOS or AOS Relationship: Mirror!McCoy x reader Word Count: 2.8k Warnings: ohhh boy. Smut. Dominant!McCoy, Sir kink, blood kink, choking, fingering, oral (female receiving), cutting, knife play, lotta hickeys, biting, language, etc etc. just a lot of bad stuff lmao. Request: none. :) Extra: I’ve been delaying on writing the new chapter of my Lost Boys (1987) fic for this shit so,

I wasn’t sure how I got into some of the shit I did. I wasn’t sure why the hell I had a crush on the psychotic Doctor McCoy. Either way, I was down in engineering when I fell from the ladder after a security officer thought it would be funny to kick it over, leaving me injured to where I was told to leave and get it ‘checked out.’ Of course, that was said with a sneer from my superior.

After dragging myself to the medbay, one of the nurses sat me down on the bed with a roll of her eyes and a groan. She was smacking gum loudly. Then again, it was hard to find absolutely anyone on here that was mildly happy. That emotion had been lost a long time ago.

I had been sitting on the bed for a good few minutes, just swinging my legs back and forth, when the doctor entered, tapping away at his PADD. I sat up a bit straighter. I hadn’t even wanted to come here in the first place. I knew what he did to the patients he didn’t like.

He ignored me for a few moments before looking up and raising an eyebrow. “I haven’t seen you here before.” His voice was gruff and leering in a strange sort of way.

I tapped my thigh rhythmically as a way to calm myself down, something I knew he took notice to as he stared down at hands. “I try to keep as safe as possible, sir.”

He snorted and nodded. I eyed the knife on his belt before looking away. “So, why are you here now?”

“Security officer decided pushing my ladder over would be hilarious. I think something got embedded in me from when I fell. I landed on something.”

He sighed through his nose before nodding and stepping around the bed, grabbing a tricorder and a couple of tools that I did not like the sight of. “Lay on your back.”

I complied quickly, hoping it would be over soon. He paused again, and I felt his one eye scan over me from my feet to my face. Fuck.

He took a step forward. “You don’t have a single scar on you, do you,” he mused as he held the tricorder above my body, reading what it said. “I don’t see one anywhere.” He placed the tricorder back down and picked up a tool. His free hand was placed on my upper thigh, making my breath catch for a moment before I calmed myself.

“I try to keep as safe as possible,” I repeated, inhaling quickly as I felt tweezers of some sort dig into my skin, enough to where I could feel it but not enough for it to hurt a ton.

McCoy gave a harsh kind of laugh, and he pulled something out of me. I heard it clink on the table before he pushed the tweezers back in. I knew he had tools that could do this faster, but I also knew he relished in the pain of others. “Well,” he grumbled as he pulled out something else, “you’re definitely going to scar from this.”

I nodded. “There’s a first for everything I suppose.”

He grumbled some sort of affirmation and grabbed another tool. He pressed it against my skin, and I hissed as heat closed the wound. “You had two screws pushed deep into your skin. Did you retaliate against the guard?”

He placed the tool back down as I spoke. “There was no point. It wasn’t going to do anything but get me in more shit. I can’t fight all that well.”

He hummed, his thumb rubbing harshly against my thigh. “Less work for me, I suppose. Though I always love treating most guards. Their pain tolerance is high, I could practically do anything.” His voice rose to a gleeful tone at the last sentence, and my breath hitched again. His smile was beautiful, even if it was a psychotic kind of thing.

I nodded, not moving out of fear and unfortunately a bit of arousal as his hand rose just a bit more. “I’m going to be okay, right, Doctor McCoy?”

He nodded, his fingers dancing along the end of my skirt. “You’ll be just fine.” His free hand picked up a bit of my hair, twirling it around his fingers. “You know, you’re very beautiful, Miss L/n. I’m very glad to have you in my part of the ship after so long.”

I gulped, staring up at him. My mouth dried as he licked his lips. “You’re good looking as well, doctor.”

He chuckled. His hand was rising higher, now at my panty line. “Many men on this ship would kill to be in my position right now. You’re on my bed in my medbay with my hand running up your skin. Perfect, unscarred skin.”

My eyes were wide, I knew it, and my breathing was harsh, but I didn’t stop him. No, I could even feel myself getting aroused. “Well, what are you going to do while I’m in here, doctor?” My voice was smaller than I wanted it to be, but it caught his attention, so I couldn’t complain too much.

His lips turned up into a large smile, and he traced the line of my panties. “Depends. Do you want me as much as I want you right now, L/n?”

I nodded quickly. “Yes, yes, I do.”

He pushed away my panties, pressing two fingers between my folds before bringing them back out. His eyebrow twitched up, and his grin remained on his face as he watched his fingers glisten in the light. “You’re already so wet, and I haven’t even touched you yet. This may be a fun, little afternoon for us, won’t it.”

I moaned lowly as he pushed his middle finger into me. His movements were slower than I thought they would be like he was testing the waters. I pushed back into his movements, trying to get him to speed up. He complied after pushing a second finger in. “Doctor,” I whined, looking at him as he watched his fingers.

He chuckled quietly and leaned forward over my face. His breath was hot, and it smelled oddly nice. “Call me sir, darlin’,” he whispered before ducking down to press his lips against mine fiercely. I responded just as fast and groaned as pushed a third finger into me.

I clenched around his digits, oh so close to my release. “Sir,” I whined against his lips. “I’m gonna cum.”

As soon as I finished the sentence, he pulled his fingers out and pressed his lips against mine for a short kiss. “Not so fast. Open your mouth.”

I opened my mouth just a bit, and he pressed the fingers that were just in me against my lips before sliding them in, letting me taste myself. I moaned around his fingers and flattened my tongue before licking all the way up his fingers. He seemed to like that because he groaned out a soft ‘fuck’ and pressed deeper into my mouth, making me choke.

He held them there for a second longer before pulling them out and pressing his lips to mine once again. His hands moved down and gripped my waist, and he swiftly moved me so my legs were dangling off the bed. Then, he grabbed the back of my thighs as I wrapped my arms around his neck, and he picked me up.

I pulled away from his lips for a moment to breathe, and he slammed my back against the wall as he moved to press mouth against my neck, kissing, sucking, and biting as he went. I wrapped my legs around him to pull him closer to me, and he responded by biting my shoulder harshly, drawing blood. I let out a loud, pornographic kind of moan.

“I’m going to fuck you so hard you won’t be able to walk back to work, and then maybe we’ll place some new scars on your skin to show where you were.”

I whined loudly as he bucked his hips against mine. “Please, sir, please!”

“Please, what, darlin’? Are you enjoying the thought of me fucking you? Maybe the idea of me pressing a blade to the skin right here,” he squeezed my waist with one hand, “until you’re begging me to stop. Maybe the thought of both at once. Oh, that would be a fun time, wouldn’t it.”

I nodded quickly, breathing heavily as I leaned forward to kiss him. It was heavy, full of lust, and I pulled away after a few moments. “Please, use me as you want, sir. I’ll do anything.”

His face lit up in that psychotic grin again, and he leaned forward to drag his lips against my jaw before he bit the skin there. He was determined to leave as many marks as possible, it seemed. “Then, we need to move back to the bed.” I whined, but he shushed me with a bite to my throat. “But first, I want to try something.”

With a quick push, I was suddenly much higher on the wall with my thighs on either side of his face and my hands gripping his hair. “Sir,” I breathed out as he pressed a kiss to the inside of my thigh, “what’re you-” I cut myself off with a loud moan as McCoy dived forward and licked a broad stripe up my cunt.

He let out a grumbly kind of laugh and wrapped his lips around my clit, gripping my thighs a bit tighter. I took fistfuls of his hair and tugged harshly. He groaned against me and one of his hands reached up and grabbed at my clothed breast. He pulled away from me, looking up at me with hooded eyes. “Take off your shirt.”

I quickly pulled it off along with my bra, and his hand immediately grabbed at the new skin. He pressed himself back to me again, directing his attention to my clit so much that I was brought to the brink of an orgasm yet again only for him to pull away as I began to arch my back and grip his hair tighter.

I whined again, this time louder than the last, but he ignored me, pressing his lips to the inside of my thigh, sucking hickeys languidly instead. After my breathing had returned to normal besides the soft moans I let out from his ministrations, he slowly let me down. My legs were already shaky, something that made him laugh a bit as I had to wrap my arms around his neck to stay standing.

He led me over to the bed and threw me onto it. My legs were hanging off, but I was comfortable enough. He gave me a quick once-over before walking away and toward the drawers he had set up on the opposite side of the room. He rummaged through his stuff, humming some sort of melody under his breath as he searched.

I waited in anticipation, and when he finally came back, I looked at the scalpel resting in his hands. He twirled it between his fingers as he slotted himself between my legs, rocking forward to buck his hips into mine. “I want to fuck you so hard. You felt so good against my fingers. I can’t imagine what my cock must feel like.”

I hummed quietly and arched my back. “I’m yours, sir. Use me as you will.”

He liked that answer, I noted as he bucked his hips into mine again, this time harder. I could feel his erection. “I plan on it, darlin’.”

He placed the scalpel down on my stomach, and I shuddered from how cold it was. Then, he stepped back and pulled his shirt over his head, and then, he shoved his pants down his legs, letting his cock spring free. Next, he grabbed my skin and underwear and pulled them down in one quick movement, leaving both of us in only our boots. It was something that made me feel even more naked than if they were off.

He slid back into his spot, and his cock pressed against my entrance easily. He grabbed the scalpel again, and I held my breath as he cut across my hip just enough to draw blood while using his other hand to guide himself into me. The sensation of pain and pleasure overcame my senses as he snapped his hips into mine, filling me completely.

With his now free hand, he trailed up my body before gripping my throat harshly, cutting off enough air to make me gasp. He snapped his hips again, dragged out almost all the way, and snapped again. As he did so, he made a cut against my hips and stomach. From what I could feel, it was patterns, some line deeper than others, but all following some sort of design.

I couldn’t think properly from everything going on. I couldn’t breathe, but I could breathe just enough. I was hurting all over, but the pleasure seemed to override it all. I couldn’t remember a time where I ever felt like this, and it was thrilling.

With each snap of his hips, slash of his knife, and moan from me, I could feel myself reaching my orgasm finally after getting pulled away from it twice. “Sir,” I yelled out, “please, can I cum. Please, please, please, please, please.”

He sped up his movements and grunted out an affirmation. I let out a scream that I knew a good portion of the people around the medbay would hear before cumming. His grip tightened against my throat to where I couldn’t breathe at all, and he dug the blade in particularly deep. Then, his hips stuttered, and he let out a quiet groan as he came.

I was gasping for air, my hands gripping the one on his throat, but he didn’t pay me any attention as he took a few deep breaths to calm himself. He squeezed my neck tighter for a moment before letting go completely.

I gasped loudly, letting my senses return to me. I collapsed against the bed and closed my eyes, trying to let my thoughts reel back. My head was spinning.

I heard McCoy pull his pants back up and place the scalpel in a dish before grabbing something else. I opened my eyes as he slotted himself back between my legs. He was holding a tool, and when he pressed it against my skin, it tingled in a strange sort of way. I didn’t look down yet, though. I wanted to look at myself in a mirror when he was done, not like this.

McCoy was humming that song again as he worked, and as I watched his face, I noticed how he looked proud of what he did and almost content. His face was relaxing in a way that I had never seen. It was nice.

When he was finally done, he stood still for a moment and admired me. “I think I prefer you more with the scars.”

I gave him a stupid little smile and lolled my head to the side while still looking at him. “You sure marked me good, doc.”

He nodded and leaned down to kiss me again. “Call me Leonard when we’re not fucking.”

“So this will happen again?” My tone was more hopeful than I meant it to be.

He nodded. “Darlin, now that I have you, I’m not lettin’ go.” I practically preened at the attention, my back arching in a way that showed I was proud. “Now, why don’t you go admire my artwork.”

Leonard pulled me off the bed, holding me steady with his arms around my waist as we faced a mirror on the wall. I froze, staring at the marks on me. I traced them with my finger as I stared at myself. It was a pattern after all. Some sort of swirling pattern that went up my right side from my hip to right before my breasts. It then trailed left but didn’t even make it halfway across my stomach like he wanted to save the rest of the space for another time, which was probably true.

He stood behind me and placed his hand over mine, stopping me tracing. “Do you like it,” he questioned.

“I love it, and I can’t wait for more.”

Leonard chuckled and kissed my neck again. The hickeys and bite marks there were already incredibly prominent, and I smiled at myself in the mirror.

When I finally returned back to engineering, nobody talked to me, and nobody bothered me again. I knew they wouldn’t dare. After all, accidents happened quite a bit on the ship, and if you weren’t careful, you’d end up in Doctor McCoy’s office, and Doctor McCoy happened to have a small list of people he’d love to experiment on.

#leonard mccoy x reader #leonard mccoy #leonard mccoy smut #star trek #star trek tos #star trek aos #star trek imagine #star trek smut #bones #bones mccoy #bones smut #bones imagine

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beatrice-otter · 4 years

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Fic: Anatomy of a Secret

Worldbuilding Reveals are finally here! I had a lot of fun with this especially brainstorming with TexasDreamer01 and figuring out how Trill-and-its-secrets would be different in the AOS universe than it was in the Prime universe. Texas was awesome and so much help, you guys. Title: Anatomy of a Secret Fandoms: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series Author: beatrice_otter Written For: shopfront in Worldbuilding Exchange 2020 Brainstorming help and betaing: TexasDreamer01 Word Count: 11000 words Rating: Teen Summary: Old memories are stirred up when a group Trill scientists come the station, led by one Jadzia Dax. Though she claims to be the daughter of Benjamin's old friend, Curzon Dax, she is more than what she seems, and some secrets can't be kept forever.

On AO3. On Dreamwidth. On Pillowfort.

"You seem a bit more interested in this batch of scientists than you normally are," Nerys observed as she and Commander Sisko walked to the airlock where the Trill team's ship would be docking.

"Why do you say that?" he asked.

"Usually, you send me and Lieutenant Thothih to greet them. Or just Thothih, if it's a busy day."

"As science officer, Thothih is usually the best to get them settled, but he's on leave right now," Sisko pointed out.

"Which still doesn't mean you have to help with it, unless the research group is a bit more prestigious than you've told me."

Sisko sighed. "No. I'm just … curious. Curzon Dax was a very good friend of mine, and I miss him a great deal. He never mentioned a Jadzia Dax, and for all I know there's no relation. But, if there is, if she knew him … perhaps we can get together and reminisce about the old man."

"Was this Curzon a Starfleet officer?" she asked, as they turned the corner and arrived at the airlock the Trill team would be using.

"No, he was a diplomat," Sisko replied. "Not that he was necessarily very diplomatic, all the time. He was brash, loud, impulsive … and very charming. He was one of the Federation's main ambassadors to the Klingons, they always loved him, if that gives you a picture of him. Curzon taught me about science, about diplomacy, about how people think. He also taught me how to drink, how to handle myself in a bar fight—and how to keep things from turning into a bar fight—and how to talk to a woman I was interested in."

"Sounds like an interesting man," Nerys noted.

"That he was, Major," Sisko said.

Before they could say anything else, the airlock opened with a hiss. Three Trill stepped through, and Nerys was surprised at the order they did it in. A young woman, who was about 30 if Trill aging worked the same as Bajoran and Human, was in the lead. Behind her a middle-aged man and woman carried a crate of equipment. Obviously age did not bring seniority, for Trills, because the young woman had only a bag slung over her shoulder and a case in one hand.

"Commander Sisko!" she said brightly, stopping in front of him. "It's so good to finally meet you." She held out her hand, and Sisko shook it.

"You must be Doctor Dax," he said. "I take it you are related to Curzon, then?"

Her smile dimmed a little. "Call me Jadzia, please," Dax said. "And yes, Curzon was my father."

Sisko cocked his head in surprise. "He never mentioned he had a child. In fact, he told me once that he didn't have children."

"I know," Jadzia said. She turned to the other Trill. "These are my colleagues, Doctor Prohn and Lusin." She gestured at the man and the woman in turn.

"Hello," Nerys said. "I'm Major Kira, the station's first officer. I'll be your liaison until our science officer gets back from leave. Please let me know if you need anything—for example, if you'd like, we can beam any heavy equipment directly to the lab you'll be using."

"Thank you," said Doctor Prohn, "but this is the worst of it, and we can manage. We're not that far from the lab, if I read the station schematic correctly?"

"No, not far," Nerys said, by this time used to scientists who were more interested in seeing their lab than their quarters.

"I'd love to catch up, but we should get settled in, first," Jadzia said. "Maybe this evening?"

"Of course," Sisko said courteously. "I can make my famous jambalaya, and we can talk about your father."

"Great! Then I can meet Jake, too," Jadzia said.

"I guess Curzon told you a lot about me and my family," Sisko said, slightly taken aback.

"You could say that," Jadzia replied. She paused, then reached out and patted him on the arm. "I was so sorry to hear about Jennifer," she said. "I know Curzon would have wished he could be there for you."

"That's … kind of you to say," Sisko said awkwardly.

Nerys noted that Lusin bristled at the exchange. Nerys didn't know what her problem was, but Nerys was wondering who the hell this Jadzia was, anyway, and why she felt the need to stir up old wounds in someone she'd never even met before.

"It's the truth," Jadzia said.

"I hate to interrupt, but we should be getting settled in," Lusin said. "Major, if you could direct us to our lab?"

"Yes, of course," Nerys said, gesturing for them to follow her.

"See you tonight, Benjamin!" Jadzia said.

***

The second the door closed behind the Bajoran officer, Lusin spun to face Jadzia. "Dax, what were you thinking," she hissed. "You are straying perilously close to revealing us!"

"I did nothing that any other joined Trill in my position would not have done," Jadzia said. "And to an alien who doesn't know about symbionts, 'this person's father told her a lot about his friends' is far more believable than 'this Federation member species has been keeping a major secret from the rest of the Federation, and part of my dead friend lives on inside a new body.' Benjamin's smart, but he's not prone to wild flights of fancy or conspiracy theories … which is what Trills being symbionts would sound like to him." She helped Prohn open the case and begin taking out the equipment within it.

"You're not taking this seriously enough," Lusin said. "If the Federation finds out about symbionts—"

"What a tragedy that would be," Jadzia said flatly, not bothering to look up at her. "Despite what the Symbiosis Commission believes, the majority of aliens would not be interested in having symbionts of their own. There's no danger in telling the truth, and we've known that for a long time. Benjamin is one of my closest friends, and I'm not going to pretend he's any more of a stranger than I absolutely have to."

"You're not saying you'll reveal yourself to him!"

"No, of course not," Jadzia said.

Prohn was being conspicuously quiet, trying to blend in to the background. He was a good scientist, medically ineligible for joining, neither jealous of nor overly deferential to the Joined, and studiously apolitical. She liked him. Lusin, on the other hand, was barely qualified, and only there because the Symbiosis Commission had insisted on a watchdog if she was going to go so close to an alien who'd been a close friend in a previous life.

"Are you going to help, or are you just going to stand there watching us work?" Jadzia asked. She didn't particularly want to have anyone hovering over her, and the sooner they were done here the sooner she could go have dinner with Benjamin and Jake.

Lusin sat down at one of the computer terminals and began installing the software needed for their experiments.

***

Once the lab had been set up they found their quarters, and thank everything holy Jadzia didn't have to share with either of them. The close quarters on the ship here had been bad enough. By the time she was unpacked, it was time to head over to Benjamin's. She opened the door of her quarters to find Lusin standing in the corridor waiting for her.

"No," Jadzia said firmly. "You are not invited. Good night, Lusin." She marched off towards the turbolift, ignoring the protests behind her.

***

"Curzon had a kid," Jake marveled, not for the first time as he stirred the vegetables in the pot.

"Hardly a kid any longer—she's an accomplished scientist here to study the wormhole," Benjamin said, taking a small taste of the sauce and considering what it needed.

Jake swiped a finger through it and brought it to his mouth, dodging the swat his father gave him in return. "Needs more oregano," he said, "and maybe some red pepper?"

"You're getting good at this," Benjamin said, doing as his son suggested, "but use a spoon instead of your finger, especially when we're cooking for strangers—I don't want to think what your grandfather would say if you'd done that in the restaurant."

"I know, I know," Jake grumbled. "What's she like?"

"I only met her for a few minutes," Benjamin said, "so—"

The door chime cut him off.

"I'll get it!" Jake said.

Benjamin turned away from the stove and watched as the door slid open. She didn't look any more like Curzon now than she did at the docking ring, he noted. Besides the obvious differences in gender and age and hair, she didn't share the same body type or bone structure.

"You must be Curzon's daughter Jadzia," Jake said.

"I guess I must be," Jadzia replied. "You must be Benjamin's son Jake. It's a pleasure to meet you. I was sorry to hear about your mother—I know Curzon would have wanted to be there for you, if he could."

"Thanks," Jake said, drawing in on himself a little. "I know he would've been there if he could—it's not like he got to choose when to die, either."

"No," Jadzia said. She gave a weird, sad smile, and an awkward silence fell.

"Are you going to leave her standing in the hall?" Benjamin asked.

"Oh! No, sorry, come in," Jake said. "Dinner will be ready in a few minutes. How are you liking the station so far?"

"I've only really seen the lab and my quarters," Jadzia said. "The lab's fine, and I'm really glad to be out of the cramped quarters on the ship we took to get here. I'm fine working with my colleagues, but being crammed in together into one shared living space was a bit much." She took a seat on the couch, and Jake sat on the chair opposite her.

"Why not take a ship that had room for you all?" Jake asked, leaning forward.

Jadzia made a face. "I got ordered to bring Lusin along at the last minute. Politics. If I'd stayed to fight it, I might have gotten rid of her … but I also might have lost my funding. And the next ship coming directly to the station from our sector wasn't leaving for another month. It was easiest just to shoehorn her in and pray she didn't annoy me to death."

"What's so annoying about her?" Jake asked.

"Intra-Trill politics," Jadzia said. "Did Curzon ever complain to you about the stuck-in-the-mud paranoiacs who run things on the Trill Homeworld?"

"Yeah, but I didn't listen," Jake said.

"Well, the short version is, both the Homeworld and Aljagra—"

"That's the colony, right?" Jake asked. "Established during the post-Nero colonization period, when lots of planets were scared of being destroyed like the original Vulcan homeworld was?"

"Exactly," Jadzia said. She sank back into the couch and curled her legs up under her. "Leadership on Trill has always been a bit paranoid about non-Trill, partly because so few of them actually meet any. And then after Aljagra was established, that got worse because the people who were most adventurous were the ones who agreed to join the settlement of the new colony. So while leadership on both planets is very conservative, there's also a sort of a rift between them because most of the Aljagra Commission understands the difference between 'reasonable caution' and 'paranoia,' and that can't always be said of the Commission on Trill."

Benjamin had been listening while he stirred the pot. It was nothing he hadn't picked up from various comments Curzon had made over the years, but the old man had never put it all together like that. "You know, I looked up the Commission once, in the databanks," he said. "I didn't find much of anything."

"You wouldn't," Jadzia said, glancing over at him. "Anyway. The Commission on Trill doesn't like that I don't like them, and they don't like that my research happened to take me to a place where one of Curzon's old friends lives, because they didn't much like Curzon either. So they stuck me with Lusin as a sort of political commissar. And then we had to share quarters on the transport out here. I'm hoping she'll settle down once we actually get to work. That, or she proves so incompetent I can send her back in disgrace."

"Let's hope," Benjamin said. Curzon had often complained about intra-Trill politics. But Curzon had been an old friend, and this was only the second time Benjamin and Jadzia had even met. It was strange, that someone with a 'political commissar' watching them would be so open with a stranger, even one who was an old family friend. "But tell us about yourself, Jadzia. Curzon told you about us, but we had no idea you existed."

"There's not much to tell, actually," Jadzia said. "I grew up on the Trill homeworld, did very good in school, especially the sciences, and went off to Starfleet. Then Curzon died, and … I had familial responsibilities back on Trill that were not compatible with Starfleet service. But Trill has some very good science institutes, so I've been able to do some interesting research."

"Did you like being a Starfleet science officer more than a civilian scientist?" Jake asked.

Jadzia hesitated. "It's hard to say—they're very different. Starfleet science officers usually have to be generalists. You never know what sort of thing your ship is going to encounter, so you have to be good at everything. Civilians specialize. Instead of knowing a little bit about a lot of things, we know a lot about a few things. Are you considering a career in Starfleet, like your Dad?"

Jake shrugged. "Sure, I guess."

Now, that caught Benjamin's attention. He turned a little away from the cooktop to get a good look at his son. Jake was usually more enthusiastic than that about Starfleet.

"I loved being in Starfleet," Jadzia said with a shrug. She leaned forward and caught Jake's eye. "But I also love my job now. You've got lots of time to figure out what you want." She smiled at him, and then at Benjamin when she saw him watching them.

"And on that note," Benjamin said, "I think this is ready. Jake, help me get it over to the table." Since everything else was already there, it took little time before it was ready to go. They sat down together and he dished food onto everyone's plate.

Jadzia took her first bite. "This is so good," she said with a moan. "Curzon was right about how good it is."

"He told you about my cooking?" Benjamin asked, surprised. Of all the things Curzon might have told his secret daughter about Benjamin, he picked food? On the other hand, Curzon had always been a connoisseur, and Benjamin would rather she'd heard stories about his cooking than some of the scrapes he'd gotten into as a young officer.

"Mm-hmm," Jadzia said, through another mouthful. "We don't always share the same tastes, but this is really good. Thank you for inviting me for dinner." "You're welcome," Benjamin said.

"Are there any good restaurants on the station?" Jadzia asked.

"None where they cook the food," Benjamin said. "There are only two restaurants, and both the Replimat and Quark's Bar use replicators."

"Not surprising, given that it is a space station," Jadzia said. "Ah, well. Maybe I can go down to Bajor for a weekend or something, once we get our experiments up and running, do some sightseeing."

"I'd be happy to give you some recommendations," Benjamin said.

"I'd like that, thank you," Jadzia said. "But you've been here on Deep Space Nine for almost a year now. Between the political situation on Bajor, the proximity to the Cardassians, and the wormhole, I'd bet you have some interesting stories."

"Interesting's one way of putting it," Jake said, through a mouthful of food.

Benjamin shot his son a reproving glance for the bad manners. "There's certainly been a great variety of things happening, more than I expected when I received the assignment," he said, running through events in his mind and discarding any that were too classified or too personal to share. "Is there anything in particular you'd like to know more about?"

Jadzia shook her head. "Whatever you'd like to share is fine by me." She gave him a warm smile.

***

The rest of the evening passed in a pleasant exchange of stories. Benjamin and Jake's time on Deep Space Nine, Jadzia's time in Starfleet, and, eventually, memories of Curzon.

"So, you going to see her again?" Jake asked as they scrubbed the pots from dinner.

"I would expect so," Benjamin said, scraping at a particularly tenacious bit of stuck-on gunk. "It's a small station, and she'll be working with Lieutenant Thothih."

"No, I mean, are you going to see her again," Jake said, nudging him with an elbow. "She seemed pretty into you, she was really into some of your stories."

"I didn't see anything like that," Benjamin said, blinking. Had he missed something? She'd been warm and attentive, but he didn't think she'd been flirting with him. And she'd been just as warm with Jake. It was probably just how she was. "She was probably just missing the excitement of Starfleet."

"No, really, if you wanted something with her, I think she'd be up for it," Jake said. "Oh, really," Benjamin said, amused. "You get that from your great store of romantic experience?"

"Dad," Jake said, rolling his eyes. "I'm just saying. She's great, and she seems interested in you."

"I think she's a little too young for me," Benjamin said. "And besides, she's Curzon's daughter."

"She looks a lot prettier than he did, though," Jake said.

That was undeniable. "You know, these pots aren't going to scrub themselves," he pointed out, flicking a little bit of water at Jake.

"Hey!" Jack said, flicking some back at him.

***

Nerys walked into Quark's scanning it for signs of trouble or interest as she always did. Between Quark's own business deals and the fact that almost everyone who visited the station showed up in his bar sooner or later, it was always the best place to catch the pulse of the station.

It was a quiet day. The only thing even mildly interesting was Doctor Bashir having a drink with that new Trill scientist, Doctor Jadzia Dax. She'd have thought the woman had better taste than that. No, that was unfair, Bashir had grown up a bit since he arrived on the station.

Nerys ordered a drink and sat at the bar, three stools down from Morn. She was early for her slot in the holosuite, but it wasn't like she had anything better to do. She liked all her colleagues here on the station—even Bashir, which was surprising given how bad a first impression he'd given when he first arrived—but it wasn't like any of them were particularly close.

The other two Trill were over at the dabo tables, and Lusin kept frowning over at Jadzia. It was the most interesting thing happening—she'd heard the story Morn was telling before—and Nerys idly wondered what was going on there.

Bashir and Jadzia got up, and Bashir left. Lusin cashed out at the dabo table and intercepted Jadzia. The two exchanged tense words, and Lusin continued out while Jadzia made her way to the bar.

"What can I get for you, Doctor?" Quark asked with an unctuous smile.

"I'll have a Black Hole," Jadzia said with a smile.

"One Black Hole, coming right up," Quark said, turning away to mix her drink.

"How's the research going?" Nerys asked.

"It's going," Jadzia said. "We're at the stage where there's a lot of data, but it's not making sense, and there are more dead ends than answers. And it's not a bad thing—negative results are still results—but it is a bit frustrating."

"Is that what your assistant was glowering at you about?" Nerys asked. "Ignore the question if it's too nosy."

Jadzia snorted. "No. She doesn't like me spending time with Julian. Thinks he's too young for me."

"What business is that of hers?" Nerys asked. It was true that Julian came off as especially puppyish next to Jadzia, but if that was what Jadzia liked, it was her own choice.

"Exactly!" Jadzia said.

"Is she jealous?" Nerys asked. "Does she wish you'd pick her, instead?"

Jadzia laughed. "No, worse. It's political. And I have had enough of politics lately."

"Me, too," Nerys said. Things on Bajor had been heating up lately, with lots of anti-alien sentiment, and being the Deep Space Nine liaison officer, she bore the brunt of a lot of it. She checked the chronometer. Ten minutes until her holosuite time started. "You know, I've got a holosuite slot starting soon, you're welcome to join me in it, if you want to get away from the station for a bit."

"I'd love to," Jadzia said. "What program are you running?"

"Honestly? Haven't decided," Nerys said. "I know a holosuite can take you anywhere, but I'm usually too busy to even think about what the options are, so I end up doing boring things like watching a sunrise over Mount Kola."

"Hey, spending time in nature can be very refreshing," Jadzia said. "But if you'd like some ideas of other things to try, I can make some recommendations. Don't let my baby face fool you—I've been around, and seen a lot of different things."

By the time Quark told her their holosuite was open, Nerys had half a dozen different things she wanted to try. By the time their time slot was over, Nerys had invited Jadzia to join her next week, as well. It had been a long time since she'd had that much fun.

***

"It seems a waste, starting tests we may not get to finish," Prohn said as he tested the code they would be using for the next phase of their experiment.

"Would you rather sit here doing nothing while we wait to know if we have to leave?" Lusin said. She was preparing the latest data packet for their partners on Bajor, Trill, and Vulcan. "Besides, even if they throw the rest of the Federation out, they may allow us to stay—we are partially sponsored by the University of Navot, and they may have enough clout to get us visas so that we can continue research."

"I wouldn't count on that," Jadzia cautioned. "They're not exactly Bajor's foremost institution, and if the nationalists win, sponsoring foreigners becomes an embarrassment. Still, we have two choices: we can stop work and wait to see, in which case we'll have to start this whole sequence over again if Bajor decides to let us stay. Or we can continue on as scheduled, and if we do get kicked out we'll have as much data as we can possibly get out of it."

"Or, we could catch a ride on the next ship heading towards the Federation, and come back if things cool down," Prohn said. "I don't like the reports of violence on Bajor." "That's on the planet's surface," Lusin scoffed, "and however incompetent the Bajoran security forces may be, this station is run by Starfleet. I'm sure things will be orderly and safe here."

That was a bit naïve, as Jadzia knew from the long experiences of several of her previous hosts. Benjamin was good, but unstable situations like this could get very messy, especially when you had a population used to violence. "You're not the only one to have that thought, Prohn. There are more people wanting back into Federation space than there are ships headed that direction." She shrugged. "But we probably don't have much to worry about; if Benjamin thought the station was in danger, he'd have ordered an evacuation. I can ask him if he thinks we should get out, if you'd like." She would have asked Nerys's opinion, given that Nerys was a local and would have a better feel for the situation, but Nerys had gone on some sort of religious retreat after her position was given to someone else, and Jadzia had no idea how to contact her.

"Would you?" Prohn asked in evident relief.

Jadzia pinged Benjamin, but his commbadge was set to only accept calls from station personnel. Curzon would have been on his list of people who could interrupt even when he was set to 'do not disturb,' but Jadzia wasn't. "He's busy," Jadzia said. "I'm sure he'll get back to me when he has time. In the meantime, we might as well work."

The station intercom came to life. "This is Commander Sisko. There has been a coup on Bajor, and the Circle has sent out ships to capture the station. They will be here in approximately seven hours. To protect the civilian population, I am ordering an evacuation. There will be enough places for every civilian, and Doctor Bashir will have a schedule with what ship you are assigned to published shortly. If you do not wish to evacuate, please let him know. Space will be tight, so there will be a minimal baggage allowance. Hopefully everything will be resolved soon, and you will be able to return. Please keep calm so that we can get everyone off the station orderly and safely."

"... well, so much for that," Prohn said in disgust.

Jadzia checked her messages. "Schedule's already out," she said. "Fast work, Julian. Looks like we're scheduled for the hold of a Bandi freighter that departs in five hours."

"Five hours!" Lusin said, appalled. "That's only two hours before the invaders arrive! That's not enough margin to ensure your safety, Dax!"

Dax shrugged. "I've been in tighter situations. It will probably be fine." Which was true, but in situations like these there were a lot of room for things to go catastrophically wrong. On the other hand, Lusin working herself up or trying to 'fix' things was likely to screw everything up. And it wasn't as if there was much they could do, as civilians scientists, other than follow instructions in an orderly fashion and pray everyone else being evacuated did, too.

"You two should probably go get packed," Jadzia said. "Only a small bag, a few changes of clothing, leave anything that isn't absolutely vital."

"What about you?" Prohn asked.

"I've got a bag ready to go," Jadzia said. "Old habit, from when I was a diplomat in some pretty unstable places. We've got some time—if we get to the docking bays more than an hour before our transport is supposed to leave, we'll only slow them down getting the earlier ships away, and delay our own departure. I thought I'd take a half-hour or so and get the next batch of tests started."

"What do the tests matter?" Lusin asked. "Our lives are at stake! Your lives are at stake!"

Jadzia shrugged. "Sitting around and fretting won't make our assigned freighter depart any quicker. I'd rather keep busy. Besides, the next set of tests is crucial, and maybe the University of Navot will send us the results, when it's finished. If something comes up and it takes too long, I won't bother with it, but another half hour here isn't going to change anything."

Prohn shrugged. "See you on the transport, if nothing else, I guess," he said, and left.

Lusin turned back to her console and started tapping furiously away at it. Jadzia ignored her and got to work.

That was a mistake, because not ten minutes later, Lusin interrupted her. "Quark is selling tickets on earlier ships. I'm going to buy one for you."

Jadzia spun around to face her. "No, you absolutely will not! It's a scam, and a threat to the orderly evacuation of this station. Quark has no authority to make such deals—"

"He's just acting as a broker for people willing to take a later transport—"

"He still doesn't have the authority to make that deal," Jadzia said, "and he is undoubtedly selling more seats than he actually has people willing to stay later for. What do you think is going to happen when all those people show up at the docking ring expecting an early ticket out of here, only to find Quark lied? It'll be nasty; desperate people do desperate things. Even if nobody gets hurt, it will delay things." "You don't know he's overbooking—"

"Yes, I do, because I know Ferengi business ethics, which in this case amount to 'if they won't be around to sue you, cheat them for all they're worth.'"

"—and in any case, surely it won't be that bad," Lusin continued on, doggedly. "You are a symbiont, Dax, you carry seven lives with you, we can't risk your death. It's worth paying a little to get you out of here safely, and at worst all it will take is a little extra work for the officer coordinating things."

Jadzia folded her arms. "I will be leaving this station in four and a half hours on the Bandi freighter to which I was assigned. Whether or not you try to make a deal with Quark is irrelevant, because I will not be accepting any earlier seat he claims to have found for me."

"Dax!" Lusin cried in anguished frustration.

"I've been through evacuations before, Lusin. You are letting your fear get in the way of your sense."

Jadzia turned back to her console and typed out a message to Julian, high priority, using the personal code he'd given her.

"What are you doing?"

"Letting Julian know what Quark is doing so he can put a stop to it," Jadzia said, ignoring the noise of protest the other woman made. "You should go pack a bag."

"No, I'm staying with you," Lusin said.

"Fine," Jadzia said. She went back to setting up the last of the parameters for the next test, and set the computer to run it.

As she logged out, Julian's voice rang out from the intercom. "This is Doctor Bashir, and I am the officer coordinating the evacuation. Quark is not authorized to sell seats on outgoing vessels, nor are any captains of the ships themselves. No transport arrangements may be made through anyone except me or the Starfleet and Bajoran Militia personnel assisting me. Any arrangements Quark has made are fraudulent; you will be leaving on your originally scheduled transport. Please remain calm, bring minimal baggage, and arrive at the docking ring no more than one hour in advance of your scheduled transport. The more people try to argue, the slower the evacuation will go, and the more delays there will be. All evacuees will be off the station before the invading force arrives."

"Told you so," Jadzia said.

***

Julian was afraid. Not of the invading force; Sisko's plan would work, and they only needed a very little bit of luck to pull it off. They weren't planning any grand battles; quite the contrary, the goal was to minimize casualties. Honestly, he was a bit excited to have the opportunity to be an insurgent for a few days.

No, what scared him was the mood at the docks. Everyone was afraid. Every Bajoran had first-hand knowledge of everything that could possibly go wrong during a military occupation, and all had severe trauma about it. The non-Bajorans were less likely to have experienced an invasion or occupation, but that meant they had more room for flights of fancy. There was a lot of fear floating around, and all it would take was a match to make it flare up into violence. Sisko and Li Nalas had both come by several times to reassure the Bajorans—those who weren't comforted by the Emissary's presence were heartened by the reassurance of a legendary war hero—but the Bajorans weren't the only ones who were afraid.

Julian had studied the effects of fear and trauma on individuals and societies. He had been trained in treatment techniques and best practices for crowd management.

And if things went wrong, none of it would matter.

They were almost done with this—two thirds of the station's civilian population had already left—but all that meant was that those who remained had had more time to stew in their panic.

His combadge chimed. "Doctor, this is Deputy Yndar, we've got a situation at Upper Pylon 1 that needs your personal attention."

"I'm on my way," Julian said. He'd finished handling the last problem here at Lower Pylon 2, so he could head right over. He was tempted to run—God only knew what would happen by the time he got there—but he couldn't afford to spook people any more than they already were.

He settled for walking very briskly.

***

Jadzia and her colleagues arrived at their assigned docking port to hear raised voices. She handed he bag to Prohn and made her way through the crowd to where a Ziballian was shouting at the Bajoran deputy in charge.

"No, I will not stand aside!" she bellowed. "I am a Courier for the Terellian Tetrarchy! I have a contract to ensure the safe delivery of my cargo—" she gestured to the freight pallet next to her, positioned so that nobody could step around it and get into the docking bay "—and I am not leaving it here, I am taking it with me!" She didn't seem to notice the crowd's hostility to her.

"We don't have room for it," the deputy said. "I don't care how valuable it is, it's not worth more than somebody's life. You can put it in storage and have the new Bajoran government ship it to you, or you can stay here with it and hole up in your quarters, but it's not going with you."

"You Bajorans won't kill your own kind, so surely it wouldn't matter if one or two were left behind—"

"Excuse me," Jadzia said. "I'm a trained and experienced diplomat; perhaps I can help?" If the crowd had been less packed, she would have stood further away, out of arm's reach, but there just wasn't room. As it was, the only place she could see both the deputy and the Ziballian was to stand almost between the courier and her cargo.

The Ziballian didn't even glance at her. "Screw you, kid, I don't need a diplomat, I need someone in charge who can tell this moron to let me and my cargo on my ship."

"It's not your ship, alien," someone shouted from the crowd. "If someone's going to be left behind, it should be you."

"There's enough room for everyone," Jadzia said. "We'll all fit, as long as everyone is calm and reasonable."

"I am perfectly calm and reasonable!" the Ziballian shouted, not seeming to notice the irony. "It's everyone else who's gone mad. It's not my fault you Bajorans are too—"

"Finish that sentence and you'll regret it," the deputy said coolly. "You're holding things up. I am very close to transferring you to the last transport leaving. And you still won't be able to take your cargo. Doctor Bashir will back me up."

"Then I demand to see Commander Sisko!"

"He's busy. If I have to stun you to get you out of the way, I will."

"You wouldn't dare!"

"I assume Doctor Bashir is on his way?" Jadzia asked. "Why don't you step aside with your cargo and wait for him to settle things?"

"No!" the Ziballian said. "I will not—" she noticed one of the deputies had taken the pallet's handle and was tugging it out of the way. "Hey!" She drew a knife and took a step forward.

Jadzia grabbed her wrist and tried to use a mok'bara move to disarm her, but she hadn't practiced enough since she became Jadzia, and Curzon's body was so different—

***

Julian arrived at Upper Pylon 1 to find a bleeding Trill and a stunned Ziballian.

"The unconscious alien was making trouble," Yndar said, "that's who I called you here to deal with. The one with the knife wound tried to calm her down, got stabbed for it."

Julian listened with half an ear as he scanned Jadzia with his medical tricorder. "She needs surgery, immediately," he said. "Can you handle things from here?"

"Well, the angry one isn't shouting anymore," Yndar said. "Don't want to put her on this ship, because a lot of people are angry at her already."

"Use your best judgment," Julian said. "If you have the time, write up a brief statement of what happened so that no matter what happens, she can be prosecuted for assault."

"Will do," Yndar said.

Julian tapped his combadge. "Julian to Ops. One to beam directly to the Infirmary."

***

When he heard about the incident, Benjamin called Doctor Bashir. "Will she be stable enough to put on a transport?" he asked.

"No," Bashir replied, "she needs immediate surgery. And none of the remaining ships have good enough medical facilities to keep her alive until they reach their destination. I'm going to have to operate now and keep her here."

"How long will the surgery take?" Benjamin asked.

"Tough to say," Bashir said. "I've never operated on a Trill before, and her anatomy and neurochemistry doesn't match what we have on file for that species. But I guarantee you she won't be up to hiding before they get here—I doubt I'll be done operating by then."

"Are you alright with being captured?" Benjamin asked.

"I'll have to be," Bashir replied. "None of my nurses have enough experience with species other than Bajoran, Cardassian, and Human to treat her."

"All right, good luck," Benjamin said.

"To you as well, sir," Bashir said. "Bashir out."

Benjamin hoped that Curzon's daughter wasn't about to die on his watch. But there was nothing he could do about it, and there was too much else going on to spend any time worrying about it.

***

Bashir was in the middle of suturing a … something, it was clearly a tube carrying neurotransmitters, but it wasn't marked on the Trill anatomy diagram … when the door to the operating theater chimed.

"I'll get it," said Nurse Hortak.

Stripping off her gloves, exited the theater. It was well insulated, so Bashir couldn't hear what she was saying. He concentrated on his work.

A short time later, the door opened and Hortak re-entered, accompanied by a soldier. "He's been decontaminated, and should be fine as long as he doesn't touch anything," she said. "I couldn't get him to wait outside. Colonel Day wants to see you as soon as we're done with the surgery."

"Of course," Julian said.

***

Prohn sat on the floor of the cargo bay, bag in his lap, squeezed tightly on every side by other passengers, and watched the display projected on the wall. It had a clock, a stellar map with a dot showing their position, and a countdown to arrival. He focused on it in the vain hope that watching the countdown tick down would somehow drown out Lusin's voice.

He had long since given up on trying to get her to stop fidgeting. There was no room to pace—everyone was packed into the cargo hold like fish-in-a-can—but Lusin was giving it her best shot. By now, everyone was annoyed with her, but she didn't seem to even have noticed.

"I should have made them let me stay with her," she said, for what had to be the thousandth time at least.

Never mind that the station personnel had had phasers, and been quite willing to stun anyone who made trouble by that point. Too bad they hadn't been so trigger happy with the alien who'd stabbed Dax. He supposed Lusin could have stabbed herself and gotten to stay on the station that way, but he didn't see that it would have improved Dax's care at all.

Only another hour until they reached their destination, and he could get off this blasted ship and away from Lusin. He was worried about Dax, too, but since there wasn't anything he could do about it, the next best thing would be getting away from Lusin.

"Her wound couldn't have been that bad," Lusin continued. "I should have made them put her here, on the transport. We could have taken her to Trill for treatment. She would have had better care, and we wouldn't have had to worry about aliens poking around Dax."

Prohn had seen the wound. It had definitely looked bad enough to require immediate surgery to him; maybe if Jadzia had been unjoined, but with a symbiont? There weren't any Trill doctors in the sector, that he knew of. There was no way she'd have lasted long enough to get to a Trill doctor without some kind of treatment, and any competent doctor would immediately notice that Jadzia Dax's insides were not on the standard Trill model. Or was Lusin willing to sacrifice Jadzia, by denying her medical care from aliens, in the hope that Dax would survive and the secret would be intact?

He didn't say anything. He wasn't joined, he was never going to be joined, he didn't have anybody in his family with the genetic profile to even apply to be joined, he didn't care about larger politics as long as his research got funded, and this was the first time in his life he'd ever had to deal with the Symbiosis Commission or any of its representatives. If the Commission itself was half as controlling as Lusin was, it was no wonder a growing number of people—especially Aljagrans and the Joined—were starting to talk openly about the need for reform.

"—what that alien might be doing to her, what damage he might do without even knowing—" Her voice rose, drawing his attention back to her tirade.

If Doctor Bashir did any damage out of ignorance, well, it was the Symbiosis Commission's fault he was ignorant, wasn't it? And also, couldn't she see the irony in her xenophobia showing up when they were in this whole situation because of Bajoran xenophobia? They were the Federation! They were supposed to be better than this!

Prohn held his tongue and focused on the ETA countdown. Still almost an hour to go.

***

By the time he had her stabilized, Julian was exhausted. Trill torsos were complicated even in the best of circumstances, and he'd never operated on one before nor spent much time studying them; at least he'd looked over what material they had on the Trill when he'd learned there would be a team staying on the station for some time.

Not that it helped much, Jadzia Dax's anatomy, neurology, and neurochemistry being significantly different from the Trill norms in the files, or, indeed, from the medical records dating from her Starfleet service.

"Are you done?" the Bajoran soldier asked, interrupting Julian's reverie.

"Yes," Julian replied. "Assuming she doesn't take a turn for the worse."

"General Krim wants to see you immediately, then," the soldier said, reaching up to tap his combadge.

"Can I help Nurse Hortak get her settled in a regular bed?" Julian asked.

The soldier hesitated. "Fine," he said.

It would have been easier with more help, but fortunately he'd finally gotten the Starfleet-issue gurneys and biobeds installed, which were designed to be as easy-to-use as possible in a variety of configurations and with a variety of personnel. The Cardassian version relied mostly on the brute-force of the people using it. Hortak could have moved the patient on her own, if she'd needed to, but this gave Julian a chance to make sure the monitors were set correctly for his best guess at what her metabolism and neurotransmitter rate should be.

He wanted nothing more than to fall into bed—even just a nap on a cot in his office—but General Krim awaited.

***

For a man overthrowing his own government in xenophobic terror, General Krim was a reasonable man. He listened to the message Sisko wanted Julian to give him—that the Circle's weapons were being supplied by the Cardassians in an attempt to destabilize Bajor—and, despite his assistant Colonel Day's derision, promised to look into it. He promised that Julian wouldn't be bothered as long as he agreed to treat any of Krim's troops who needed medical care, which Julian would have done anyway.

However, he wouldn't let Julian contact Trill for more information on Trill biology, no matter how Julian asked.

"Do you think I'm stupid?" Krim asked. He didn't seem angry, just amused. "I'm not letting you contact anyone. We'll let your Federation know you're here, and they can come pick you up with the rest of your fellow officers once the station is secure."

"Jadzia Dax is still in critical condition," Julian said. "I have reference materials for Trill biology and recommended treatments for various ills and injuries, but her anatomy and neurochemistry have significant differences from the reference materials and it already caused problems in surgery. If there are complications—"

"Her anatomy isn't Trill?" Colonel Day demanded. "What is she then? Has she been altered to look Trill?"

"No," Julian said, puzzled, "she's definitely a Trill, and definitely Jadzia Dax. She used to be a Starfleet officer, and I have her records from that time. There's no question that she is the same person. But between then and now, she's had significant internal changes. I don't know why, I don't know if there will be further complications because of it, and I don't want to be flying blind if there are."

"Too bad, Doctor," General Krim said. "I'm afraid we can't take the risk."

***

"Well?" Nurse Hortak asked when he returned to the infirmary.

"We get to stay here under guard, and we can't call up Trill and ask them for help with Jadzia," Julian said bitterly.

"Not surprising," Hortak said.

"What do they expect us to do?" Julian asked. "We've both been in the infirmary since before Krim's troops arrived, and we'll be here under guard the whole time. We have no tactical or strategic information that couldn't have been sent perfectly free and clear before Krim's people arrived, and no way of getting any. The only information we have is the state of our patient's health, and that has no tactical or strategic value!"

Hortak made a face. It was the face she made when he said something stupid—especially something having to do with the Occupation and the Bajoran Resistance—but she didn't want to contradict a superior directly.

"You can think of a way we could use it," Julian realized.

"Well, yeah, several," Hortak said. "But most of them would only work if we'd had time to set things up beforehand and our patient wasn't really sick, or if we didn't care whether we had to sacrifice treatment in order to take advantage of opportunities."

"Really?" Julian asked. He was intensely curious, but … that could wait. He yawned. "Given the evacuation and the emergency surgery and everything else that's happened, we've both been up for over twenty-six hours. We need sleep, but we can't leave Jadzia unattended …"

"If she does take a turn for the worse, you'll be the one needing to figure out how to handle her biology, so you need to be freshest," Hortak pointed out. "I'll take first watch."

***

Once Krim had handed over control and was safely off the station with his troops, Benjamin left Li and Odo in Ops to handle calling everyone back and getting the station up and running again and headed to the Infirmary to see how Doctor Bashir and his patient had fared.

"Oh, no, we were fine," Bashir told him. "Under guard, of course, but he didn't interfere. It was touch and go with Jadzia, there, for a while, and Krim wouldn't let me call Trill to get more information on her anatomy and biochemistry, but she seems to be recovering now, and should be awake soon."

"What information would you need?" Benjamin asked. "The Trill are Federation members. The information in the databanks should be fairly complete."

Bashir and Nurse Hortak exchanged glances. "There are, at the very least, significant omissions," Bashir said. "Almost certainly deliberate."

"That's quite an accusation, Doctor," Benjamin said. Scientific exploration and development was one of the few principles shared more-or-less across the entire Federation; it was the unifying ideal most often leaned on. Withholding information was heavily frowned upon. But given what Curzon and, now, Jadzia, had to say about Trill paranoia …

"I know," Bashir said. "Let me show you." He led Benjamin over to a display and pulled up a diagram of Trill anatomy. "Do you see this empty space in the abdomen?"

"It's fairly large," Sisko said.

"Yes," Bashir said. "And according to the information in the databanks, it's a vestigial pouch left over from when an ancestor species of the Trill were marsupials and carried their young in it."

"But that's not the case?"

"This is Jadzia's abdomen," Bashir said, pulling up a scan.

"There's something in the pouch," Benjamin said. "It doesn't look like a baby."

"It isn't," Bashir said. "It's a slug. It's also not a temporary thing; that slug is connected to every single system Jadzia has: neurotransmitters and nerves, digestive system, circulatory system … I don't think it could survive outside of an environment such as Jadzia's pouch. Moreover, it's extremely dense in neurons. It is, basically, a secondary brain. There is quite a complex connection between it and Jadzia's own brain, and that is what caused all the trouble. She was stabbed just through some of the largest connections, and, given that this is entirely absent from the databanks, I was flying blind in surgery and the early stages of recovery."

"Did she have this slug when she was in Starfleet?" Benjamin asked.

"No," Bashir said, pulling up her medical records.

The internal scans from her last Starfleet physical looked, to Benjamin's untutored eye, fairly close to the diagram from the databanks.

"So she got it after she left Starfleet," Benjamin said.

"Any medical exam she had as an officer would have revealed it," Bashir said. "She hasn't been awake and coherent enough to ask about it, yet."

"Is it a parasite?" Benjamin asked.

Bashir shrugged. "Do you mean, is it harmful? Hard to say, without long-term study. I doubt it, though; She's had it for several years, at this point, given the level of conjoinment in her torso, and she doesn't seem to have any major physical problems. Neurologically, things are harder to judge; but if it were causing neurological problems, surely it would have interfered in her research by now."

"Doctor, she's waking up!" Nurse Hortak called.

***

Jadzia Dax woke quickly, this time around. She vaguely remembered something dreamlike and panic-filled—she had been only Jadzia, not Dax, or only Dax, not Jadzia—but she felt like herself again. Albeit, herself with a painful wound in her abdomen. Sitting up was not an option, just yet.

Julian came in and ran his tests, and Jadzia answered his questions about how she was feeling, but she could see Benjamin hovering outside the door. "I take it the station is back under Federation control?" she asked.

"Yes," Julian said. "The coup didn't last long, I'm happy to say, and the station was only under the Circle's forces for about a day and a half."

"Good," Jadzia said. "Maybe we won't have lost too much data." Julian gave her a strange look. Either the lab had been damaged, or … Julian had to have noticed, in surgery. "I'm sure you found our secret. You may as well call Benjamin in, I'm sure he's curious." Julian stepped back to call Benjamin in, which gave her a few seconds to gather her thoughts.

If Lusin or any other representative of the Symbiosis Commission were here, they'd still probably be trying to hide this—some justification to swear Julian to secrecy or wipe the records or something. But Dax knew that there was no way Benjamin would agree to knowingly letting false databank records stand.

Besides, Dax had been half-hoping for some joined Trill to have an accident requiring emergency medical care from a non-Trill doctor for the last two decades. She just hadn't wanted to be the one whose life depended on a doctor with no knowledge of her anatomy or neurochemistry.

"We don't have to do this now," Benjamin said. "You're still healing."

"Curzon taught you better than that Benjamin," Dax said. "When you're trying to get information out of someone, if you can get them off their game, take full advantage of it."

"He did," Benjamin said with a closed expression on his face. "And how do you know that?"

"Because I am Curzon," Dax said, "or at least, I used to be. I'm sure Julian has filled you in on how my anatomy differs from that of a standard Trill?"

"You have a parasitic slug in your abdomen," Benjamin said.

"Parasites drain their host for no return," Dax said. "It's a symbiont. They're native to Trill, too." She'd dreamed this conversation a thousand times, when she was Curzon, every time the secret had chafed. "Only about one Trill in a thousand is capable of hosting them, and it's a great honor to be chosen to do so. Symbionts live very long lives, much longer than Trill do. When a host dies, the symbiont is given to a new host, carrying all the memories and skills of their predecessor. I'm Jadzia … but I'm also Curzon, and Torias, and Audred, and Emony, and Tobin, and Lela. And when Jadzia dies, I'll be someone else, someone new, but Jadzia will still be a part of me just like all of Dax's past hosts."

"You're Curzon?" Benjamin said. "Now, that I find hard to believe."

"I used to be Curzon, and Curzon is a part of me," she replied. "I'm not him now, but I used to be. If you don't believe me …" she paused, considering her options. "Do you remember that time on Turkasia II? I can tell you the story if you like, though you may want to send Julian out."

"Curzon swore he'd never tell anyone that story," Benjamin said.

"He didn't," she replied. "Or maybe you'd like to quiz me, instead."

He believed her, she could tell, but he'd always been thorough, and asked her a number of questions about things they'd been through together, details she could only have known by being there.

"So why the secrecy?" he asked at last. "Why lie to the Federation?"

"Being joined is the highest honor any Trill can aspire to," Jadzia said. "The competition is cutthroat, and at times in the planet's history, that has been literal. Just a few years ago, a rejected candidate named Verad abducted a joined Trill named Birzam Degin, removed the symbiont, and had it implanted in himself. By the time Trill agents caught up with them it was too late. Birzam was dead. They removed Degin from Verad, put it in a new host, and tried to hush the whole thing up with only partial success."

"What did they do to Verad?" Julian asked.

"Once past the ninety-three hour mark, neither host nor symbiont can survive without being joined," Jadzia said. "It had been two weeks."

"So, by removing the symbiont, they effectively killed him," Julian said, judgmentally. "Capital punishment is illegal in the Federation."

"Degin was, effectively, a hostage," said Jadzia. "Once Verad had them joined, the only way to save Verad's life was to keep Degin neurologically joined to the person who had kidnapped him, assaulted him, and murdered his last host. Was saving Verad's life worth a lifetime of that for Degin? Bad enough that Degin will have to carry memories of Verad for the rest of his life." She shivered. If it had been her … she couldn't tell if the roiling in her abdomen was pain from the surgery or Dax moving in distress.

"A very sad story," Benjamin said. "What does this have to do with lying to the Federation?"

Jadzia sighed. "The Trill Symbiosis Commission is highly provincial. Most have never been off Trill, not even to Aljagra, and few of them have even met an alien, and they're proud of their insularity. As far as they believe, any person who doesn't want to be joined is mentally unstable in some way, irrational. The basic truth of their worldview is that everyone wants desperately to be joined. So if aliens knew …"

"They think we'd be pressing for symbionts of our own," Benjamin said.

"Exactly," Jadzia said. "They're terrified of it. And deeply aware that if the Federation demanded symbionts and sent Starfleet to take them, Trill would not be able to stop them.

"But that's such an irrational fear," Julian said. "They're projecting their own desires on other species."

"I know." Jadzia sighed. "So does every Trill who's had much contact with other races. Most non-Trill wouldn't want symbionts."

"Some races would be disgusted by the idea of having a slug in their body," Benjamin said, his even tone giving no hint to what he thought of it. "Others would think being fundamentally altered and sharing your consciousness for another being for the rest of your life wouldn't be enough of a tradeoff for the fact that you would live on in some way after you die. And most people of all species in the Federation are, at heart, fundamentally comfortable with how they live."

Jadzia sighed again, and winced as her gut twinged. "But the Trill Symbiosis Commission can't comprehend that. Too few of them have even met an alien. Much less gotten to know one."

"Fears can be far more powerful than reality," Julian said, pulling out his tricorder to scan her.

"There's also the matter of political control," Jadzia said. "It used to be that the Symbiosis Commission controlled everything. Then Vulcan was destroyed, and we settled Aljagra specifically so that the symbionts would be preserved even if Trill met a similar fate, and there were two Symbiosis Commissions, one per planet."

"So their power base has been divided," Benjamin said.

"Yes. And the caves where unjoined symbionts live on Aljagra are much larger than the ones on Trill; they hold far more symbionts, which means the population has increased and there have been more symbionts to be joined, which means the Commission's power is diluted even more. Plus, since they couldn't explain what their purpose was or how they were chosen without disclosing the existence of symbionts, they had to hand over most of their legal and overt political control when Trill and Aljagra joined the Federation. They have less power, so they cling to what they have. Which hasn't made them very popular in the last several decades."

"Will you get in trouble over telling us this?" Julian asked.

Jadzia made a face. "Once you're joined, if you don't have any political aspirations, there's a limit to how much the Symbiosis Commission can do to you," she said. "Especially now that we're Federation members. They could get my funding cut, but I'm sure there are many other institutions willing and able to fund wormhole research, so it's hardly a major threat."

"If nothing else," Benjamin said, "you could re-join Starfleet. Since I'm assuming you left in order to keep the secret of the symbionts."

"I hadn't thought of that," Jadzia said. Would she want to? She'd loved being a Starfleet officer, but she liked her life now, too. She shook her head. "Aside from minor inconveniences, the only thing they can really do to me is expel me from Trill and refuse to allow Dax to pass to a new host when I die. But that's such an extreme response—especially considering that I didn't voluntarily spill the secret—that I can't imagine they'd do it." The longer she talked, the more her body was reminding her that she'd just had major surgery. She tried to ignore it; this was important. "And if they did, well, the Aljagra Symbiosis Commission is more reasonable, and while they've never defied the Trill Symbiosis Commission before, this might be enough. I'm not worried about it."

"I think that's enough for the initial report, Commander," Julian said. "And if it's not, it will have to be. She's recovering from major surgery, after all."

"Benjamin," Jadzia said, "we left some simulations running, and the next phase will need to be initiated soon. Can you have Lieutenant Thothih take care of it? He knows everything he needs to."

"I'm afraid Lieutenant Thothih was killed by the Circle, while trying to help Major Kira get information to the government about the Cardassian backing of the coup," Benjamin said. "But I'll see what I can do."

"Oh," Jadzia said. "Oh. I'm sorry to hear that. I liked them." She closed her eyes and winced at a stab of pain.

"I'm afraid we can't use neural blockers to take away the pain without also disconnecting the Dax symbiont," Julian said, "and you've had a bad reaction to some of the medications we tried. It wasn't in your file."

"Nexflozine should be safe," Jadzia said.

"All right," Julian said. "By the way, who should I contact on Trill for more information about how to treat you?"

"The Symbiosis Commission," Jadzia said. "But the Aljagra Commission will be much easier to reason with."

"Thank you," Julian said. He replicated the medication and brought over a hypospray. "This should make you woozy. If you fall asleep, that's good; your body needs rest more than anything."

As always, nexflozine took a while to fully kick in, but once it did, it was very effective.

***

This time, when Prohn and Lusin arrived on the station, they were accompanied by a whole cargo ship full of former refugees, and there was nobody to greet them. They checked the infirmary first, and found Dax sitting on a biobed, reading a PADD.

"Glad to see you're back safely," she said with a smile.

"And we're very glad to see you're up and looking so well," Prohn said.

"Yes," said Lusin, "we were so worried! I hope they've taken very good care of you." She lowered her voice. "I don't suppose you were able to conceal—?"

Dax stared at her. "I was stabbed right next to my pouch. I was lucky that Dax wasn't directly hit. And Julian is a very good doctor. Of course he noticed. And of course he was able to put together what Dax is. After that, there wasn't any point in concealing anything. The Symbiosis Commission knows all about it, you can check with them."

"Now that we know you're safe, I think I'm going to go check on our experiments," Prohn said, looking for an excuse to get out of there.

"Yes, please do," Dax said. "Benjamin's had officers handling the most time-critical things, but I'm sure a great deal of work and data have been piling up, and I'm not going to be allowed out of here until tomorrow at least."

"And when you are released," said Doctor Bashir, sticking his head in, "you are going nowhere but to your quarters to rest in comfort. You can access your readings over the computer, but light work only for another week at least."

"I'll take it easy, Julian," Dax said with some amusement. "I promise you, if there is one thing I know, it's how to relax."

"I will go to my quarters and call the Symbiosis Commission, then," Lusin said with a sour expression on her face. "I am glad you're healing well, Dax."

***

"I still can't believe that Curzon is now young," Jake said as he set the table. "A young woman, at that. He's supposed to be old. How alike are Curzon and Jadzia, anyway?"

"I don't know," Benjamin said, "I haven't spent much more time with Jadzia than you have."

The door chime rang. "I'll get it," Jake said.

"Jake!" Jadzia said, stepping through. "I hope I'm not too early, but I was so looking forward to actually being able to be honest that I couldn't help it. Benjamin, that smells delicious."

"So, you're really Curzon?" Jake said, looking her up and down. "Man, if you said to me 'Curzon will come back in a new body,' this would not be the body I would have imagined."

"Well, part of the idea is to give the symbionts as many different experiences as possible," Jadzia said, "and also to make sure the new host isn't just subsumed into the memories of the old hosts. So it's customary to switch genders with each new host."

"It's not that you're a woman," Jake said. "It's that you're young. And attractive," he blurted out, shoulders hunching a little with embarrassment.

Jadzia laughed. "And Curzon was old and ugly, you mean? He was young in his day, and no matter how old he was or how he looked, he always managed to attract company for the night when he wanted it. Or for the morning, noon, and evening, too." She winked at him.

"Daaaaaaaax," Jake whined, scrunching up his face. "Gross."

"You were the one who was wondering how much Jadzia was like Curzon," Benjamin reminded him. "Don't complain when you get the answer you're looking for."

"In all seriousness, though," Jadzia said, "some things about me are different and some are the same. As for which is which," she shrugged, "guess you'll just have to get to know me and find out."

#fanfic #star trek #deep space nine #aos #jadzia dax

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kikutrashcan · 5 years

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Inktober/Spirktober 2019

I decided to participate in Spirktober this year, and I’m honestly enjoying every second of it (well… except when I’m struggling with my supplies). I’m a bit late on schedule because, you know… life, urg. But I feel like I’ve never improved quicker. So here is my take on the six first themes of Spirktober !

(Most of them are not 100% finished as some backgrounds are not colored yet, will do in a month, maybe, when Inktober is over)

Day 1 : Normal - Just our usual dumb lovers eyeing each-other on the bridge.

As I had never touched Indian ink in my life, I began with my usual ink pens, and it resulted in… something ? Honestly, I didn’t know where I was going with those shadows and the light on the pants. I just jumped right in and… Idk, it’s not so bad, but not the best. I enjoyed doing the background, too, even if I’m not really good at it, and I’ll maybe color it later to wrap it up completely. I also noticed that this side of paper was not smooth enough for me to draw correctly, so from then on, I just flip the paper when I do the themes.

Day 2 : Reverse - Jim can obviously not concentrate on his work with the sexy Vulcan captain interrupting him every minute.

That’s the day I learnt colored ink and especially blue ink was a bitch. Never using that blue ink again, look at those stains (and I’m just discovering on the photo that the yellow ink also made stains, because it doesn’t show on the drawing itself). Also, yeah, that’s an AOS scanner in Jim’s hands. We never saw it in the movies, so I just figured out what it would look like ?

Day 3 : Genderbend - Or where Jane hurt herself again during a mission, but it was all worth it, as she gets to get back on her first officer’s back !

I used blue watercolor this time, and it’s so much better (is it cheating ?). For the uniform, I took inspiration from the comics Blodly Go 3, where we can see the Genderbend universe, and honestly, they are so classy. Kinda failed Spock’s profile (Spock ?? T’Spock ??), but don’t know what really went wrong.I tried making my own Jane Kirk, but not totally satisfied.

Day 4 : Kid AU - Two kids just dreaming about another life, where they could be happy.

I’m so proud of this one, don’t know why. It’s so simple, but I love the contrast, and the complementary colors with red and green. The drawing was absolutely not supposed to look like that, but I had to change my plans because I couldn’t find a satisfying reference for the pose I wanted (what is anatomy ??). And I used the splatter for the first time in my life to do the stars and it was so fun.

Day 5 : Species swap - The illogical first officer yelling at his captain for some reason, and the captain not giving a shit, just wondering why his tea cup is empty.

Yeah, I definitely took inspiration from “The Enterprise Incident” to do Jim as a Vulcan, because I loved Jim as a Romulan. For Human!Spock, I just took a picture of Leonard Nimoy that seemed satisfying to me (but he looks like Bones for some reason ?? What went wrong?). According to the comics, Human!Spock’s name is Simon, but what would be Vulcan!Jim’s ?? My brain says Skirk, and I say hell yes. Also, white background again, will do later.

Day 6 : Mermaid AU - Jim visits Vulcan, a planet almost only constituted of water, but his shuttle-craft is boarded by a Klingon, and he gets hurt in the fight, falling from the shuttle right in the water, catching the attention of a mysterious Vulcan inhabitant (that would do a good fanfic plot, don’t you think ?)

I had to do Spock with long hair because obviously there are no hairdressers in the ocean. I struggled to decide which poses to do for both of them, and for some reason, a reference of a man drowning in water is really difficult to find ?? Wonder why- (one day, the FBI will see my web history and will probably arrest me). I was really scared to do the blood and the scales, but it turned out pretty good !

Next theme will be Circus AU ! Never done this before, but I’m already quite inspired !

Hope you guys have a wonderful October and good luck to all those who participate in the challenge ! \o

#spirk #inktober #spirktober #jim kirk #spock #star trek #james t kirk #themes 1 to 6 #i can't stop drwing it's too much fun #as soon as i get back home i'm like inktober!!#i'm even drawing at the university and during my job breaks #love this #thank god st and its fandom exist

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agent-85 · 7 years

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Hello Jane! :D How are you?

(In reference to this post.)

Hey, Laurent!

I’m doing okay, but I have really only been pretending to be around for the past few weeks because my computer is on the fritz and I’ve been having to use my tablet, which kind of feels like using a spoon to eat a hamburger. I also had a bit of a fall (actually, more of a slide that went very badly) and I’m mostly fine, but sitting down at my tablet is not so fun while I’m healing. So, I’m a little further behind on things than I would like to be, but I’m hoping things will get better soon.

Anyway, probably more than you wanted to know.

As for season 5: I, too, had hoped that they would spend more time working on the writing, but they are also part of an industry and they probably have to shoot at a certain time so they can use the sound stages and what not. I don’t know that much about the TV industry, but I do know that it’s very complex, and there are a lot of factors we aren’t thinking about.

What I hope, though, is that they learn from the mistakes of last year, especially from FitzSimmons. They got a lot of blowback from the proposal they promised and didn’t deliver.

Something I don’t really get, though, is that they have to understand how tired we are of FitzSimmons not really being FitzSimmons, right? While I like how the characters have developed, I think they’re continuing to make a mistake by separating them over and over and over again. It’s exhausting. At last year’s SDCC, we were promised we would see the “FitzSimmons of old” and they were barely in the same room. I am just dying for FitzSimmons to be together, work together to solve problems, and help each other to get through things. That’s the couple we fell in love with. I think one of the biggest draws to FitzSimmons is that they make a great team! They are complementary equals! They are putting in all these twists and turns, but instead of being entralled by them. we are forging on despite them. That’s not a good place to be in.

My very big wish for season 5 is FitzSimmons vs. the world, trying to heal from the past while they save the future. I think that would not only make a great story, but it would be a great way to wrap up the story they’ve had over four seasons. I mean, they started out as co-dependent and inseparable, then gained independence as they were separated, and what was really cool about season 4 was they were coming back together in a way where they still had their independence. Jemma was doing her thing, Fitz was doing his, and neither of them would have been capable of doing any of that in season 1.

But, we’re still missing the final step: interdependence. We know they are better together. We know that they were naive and had to learn a lot of things on their own in order to grow into the people they needed to be. What would be really satisfying is if they return to being just as in sync and unified as they used to be, but much more capable of handling things on their own when necessary. We saw this a little in season 4, but that was just the beginnings of it. Before when they were separated, there was this underlying anxiety of them not knowing who they were without the other person. Now that they know who they are, it’s much more about choosing to be together even though they know it’s going to hurt sometimes.

See, in season 1, their friendship was easy. They kind of fell together because they fit together. But, when Fitz got hurt and lost himself, Jemma did not understand what he needed or how to help him. And that wasn’t her fault! How are you supposed to know how to help your best friend regain his intellectual capacity when the foundation of your relationship was your intellectual equality? When it was your equality in general? They didn’t know how to relate to each other when they weren’t the same, but, they eventually learned how.

I think the really cool thing about season 2 was that they discovered they had more in common than just being smart. They also had a shared worldview and shared values, and they both discovered just how much they were willing to sacrifice for the greater good. I also think that when the easy part of their friendship was stripped away, they realized that they had a deep affection for each other that went beyond the superficial. Jemma wanted her best friend back, then learned the hard way that the Fitz she lost would never come back again. Then she learned that the new Fitz, while different on the surface, still had everything she really loved about him. In a way, she was able to compare the old Fitz with the new Fitz and discover who Fitz really was beneath all that. Fitz, on the other hand, loved his best friend, felt unworthy of and rejected by his best friend, and got to the point where he had to decide if he was willing to sacrifice any chance of a romantic relationship to keep her in his life. And I mean, I don’t think that he ever thought he had any chance of having his feelings returned, but he had to choose to allow her back into his life even though he would have to give up his dream of what they could be and accept what Jemma needed them to be. That’s what I loved about season 2. They went back to square one, but they rebuilt their relationship along the way so it was stronger and based on things that wouldn’t change with circumstance.

So, after season 2 was about them learning to choose each other, season 3 was figuring out of they would still choose each other when it hurt. They really messed this up by creating a love triangle (TWIST!!), making it so Jemma couldn’t choose, then killing off the other contender so she never had to make a choice. The whole time, Fitz was choosing her above all else! Where was their equality then? So, let’s just skip that part. Let’s go on despite the twists.

What we had over the course of season 3 was obstacles and Fitz and Jemma individually deciding to overcome those obstacles to grow closer. This might sound a lot like season 2, because really, it was not done as well as it could have been. But there is a distinction: in season 2, they were figuring out if they really wanted to be together; in season 3, they knew they wanted to be together, but they were figuring out if they were willing to pay the cost of being together. What I really loved about the singularity scene was that they actually came out and said, we know it was easy before, and we know that if we keep our boundaries, it will continue to be easy. We know that breaking barriers will come with a cost, and we are willing to pay that cost for the potential of what we can be together. That’s pretty amazing.

You could say that season 4 was season 2 in reverse. In season 2 they were fractured, were brought together by the job, and decided to stay together romantically. In season 4, they were together romantically, got separated by the job, and ended up fractured. In both seasons, they’re trying to figure out what their relationship is like after everything changes; it’s just that the changes in season 2 are VERY different than the changes in season 4. And, in season 4, we have characters who have grown and developed as a result of things in season 2. BUT, the end of season 4 is a lot like the beginning of season 2: a villain took Fitz away from Jemma in a way that makes Fitz feel broken and unworthy of Jemma, while Jemma struggles to reach him.

Cool, huh? We have some chiasmus going on here, a 1 2 3 2 1 structure.

SO, in order to complete that structure, season 5 will have to mirror season 1 in the way season 4 mirrored season 2. We will have to end up with FitzSimmons being this inseparable, psychically linked duo in order that reminds us of the people we met in the beginning in order to reach a really satisfying conclusion. But, they will have to be better. They will have to have learned from all the things they went through to get this far.

See, BECAUSE of the pain of season 2, Jemma knows that the best way to help Fitz is to stick with him. She also knows him on a much deeper level and has learned how to talk to him and fight for him when she has to. So, she is in basically the same place, but she will not have the same outcome because she is not the same person.

And, because of the pain of season 2, Fitz knows just how to push Jemma away and how it makes everything worse. He understands that Jemma loves him, even if he doesn’t always understand why. And, in the end, I think he was right when he said they had crossed the point of no return. I think he won’t be able to sacrifice the hope of their romantic relationship, (Notice that it was healthy for him to give up that hope before and healthy for him to refuse to give it up now.)

And, again, they both know that there is a cost and that they are willing to pay that cost.

Anyway, that was a huge rant that only slightly related to what you were talking about, but that’s basically what I’m hoping for in season 5. I want another pod dropped in the ocean that actually brings FitzSimmons closer together. It would be so great. It would be fantastic storytelling. But the thing about this show is that I always see the potential of where they could go with things, and then they do the twists and turns thing that cheapens the story and deprives us of the payoff we’ve been waiting for.

BUT, they said from the beginning that they have a 5-season plan for this show, and with their move to Fridays, it looks like this is all we’re going to get. The pressure will be on for them to wrap everything up in a satisfying way, and they know that and can plan for that. And, they know that we are really, really invested in a FitzSimmons wedding, which helps.

So, honestly, I think we’re in a situation where we can hope for the best, but we should definitely plan for the worst. Keeping your expectations low is really important as we head into this upcoming season. Take everything the creators say with a mountain of salt and prepare for gaps that fan fiction will need to fill.

I don’t like being the person who has to say those kinds of things, but here we are.

Anyway, Laurent, I hope all my incoherent rambling was helpful. There is hope! There is also risk. Tread carefully. We are getting some morsels of things here and there, but it will probably be a while until we get anything substantial, so we should just enjoy this ignorant bliss while we can!

#FitzSimmons #FStag #TheFitzSimmonsNetwork #Engineering vs Biochem #Team Biochem #Laurent #Meta of Agent 85 #AoS criticism #EvB points earned #At least I hope this is the kind of thing that counts for points #:/#Anons of Agent 85 #Answers of Agent 85

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wanderingthroughwickford · 7 years

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Agents of Shield S4E2: Meet the New Boss Part 1

No introduction necessary, let’s just dive into the ghost-induced madness:

This is honestly just going to be pure, unrestrained, self-indulgent embarrassing squealing over insignificant characters (plus a hint of Bitterness in some cases), really just a collection of my inner thoughts while watching the episode rather than a well-thought-out analysis or anything, so don’t say you weren’t warned :P

I’m looking at the episode description while waiting for this to load and, maybe I’m forgetting something, but what exactly is the “terrible cost” at which Daisy battles Ghost Rider again? I can’t remember anything bad happening between them - if anything, they find common ground - and nobody even dies in the episode (except Frederick) so...?

GODDD I’M SO PUMPED!!!!!!!

AWW THERE SHE IS ON THE RECAP

Hnnggg this opening is actually really effective and kind of chilling

The first time I watched it all I could think of was this terrifying-as-fuck scene from The Sixth Sense (tw for like everything, honestly, a woman slashes her wrists, screams loudly and chases a little boy

Also I appreciate the fact that AoS never makes an “I see dead people” joke and only once goes for a Ghostbusters joke, good for you avoiding the low-hanging fruit

Grrgng this scene is hard to watch for me because on the one hand I feel so bad for Lucy coming back to her old house only to find it inhabited by completely different people and realizing how much time has passed, and she’s clearly confused and afraid ... but at the same time there’s no possible excuse for her infecting the father (in front of the little boy no less) so I can’t feel as sympathetic as I would like

. . W̴̛̳̹̰̝͕̘̝̜͒̈́̌̌͢͟H̢͍̙̯͙͚̅̍̑̈́͂̄̃͘͜A̴̠̙͔̤̰̠͂̾̍̃̓͌̎̕͢͜T̥̲̰͕̱͒̏̀̀̋̇͐̿̈́͝ A̵̳̱̬̪̎́͗̅̏̇̕͜͝͞Ṟ̡̢̨̘̙͇͑͗͑͆̍̇̉͒͛͝E̜̣͕̮̜̊̉͐̕͟͞͡ Y̶̰̖͕̯̺͔̋̂͋̂͒̅̏̕͝ͅƠ̮̦͉͇̓͂̈͐͛̐͢Û̳̯̳̬̻̤̔̈̉͐̇̕͞͠͞ D̵̢̮̯̰̭̘͋̎̏͋̿̍̚Ō̰̞̩͇̣̣͖̉̀̈̆͢͝ͅİ͈̪̱̥̰̜̪͓̙͒̎͋̆̀͜N̖̻̮̼͔̺̄͒́̅̉͂͜͜͡G̣̪̺̮͖̉̐̉̋́͋̌̕͟͢͡ I̸̧͓͓͉͖̹͔̋̉̂̄̈͘̕N̷̢͎̙̣͇͋͑́̋̓̋̈́͟ M̴̜̫̥̥̑́̾̑͌̓͢Y̤̭̪̭̝͕͐͑̿́̉̒̉͗͘͞ Ḩ̛̤̹̞̜̗͔̈̽̅͒̇͘͞ͅO̴̡̢͎͕̜̯͊̍͒̍̋̓̈̾͟͢Ư̷̡͖͔̜̦͇͕̫̬̪͋̉̇̈͐Ş͍̠͖̰͍͚̲̪̄̓͌̊͛͌̀E̵̡̹͚̦͎͉̾̈́̿̈́͊̊́̚ fckign lucy . .

Hngg Lucy yelling for Joseph I can;’’t

Honestly given that this guy gets infected like a day or so after May and they were able to save her on time and develop the antidote, I hope to god that they were able to cure him as well and the kid didn’t have any lasting trauma from his father going berzerk and they were able to just live the rest of their lives happily and forget completely about Lucy, because this is like #2 or 3 on the list of top 5 needlessly shitty things she’s done.

See, I actually think Mace works better as the director and Coulson as the leader of his small close-knit team - Mace is better at being objective and making the hard calls, while Coulson never really enjoyed any of that, it always felt a bit OOC for him and while I can see why he had to take charge during the time when SHIELD was underground, I think he works much better in the field with his friends than behind a desk overseeing it all. And I think he likes it more, too.

Man, Daisy’s so smooth talking to Robbie, with all the double-meanings and what-not

Aww Mace :(((

He’s trying to be a fun boss I love him

I love!! how he doesn’t go off on Coulson for going out to find Daisy against his orders!! and is actually impressed and commends him for his loyalty to his friends!! and yet still fans hated him and thought he was the bad guy! haha wild :) :) :) :) :)

And yeah he’s 100% right about SHIELD needing good public opinion, because organizations that act for the common good require public trust in order to stay legitimate but anyways

I continue to love how unfazed May is by the ghost virus, Mace gets all dead-eyed and deep-voiced in front of her and she just kind of shakes her head a little. It’s amazing how long she holds out, especially compared with every other character we’ve seen be infected.

AAHHHH Jemma mentioned Tobias Ford from Season 1! Which is really fitting as that’s basically the exact same thing that happened here

Tbh Lucy’s ghost state is never completely explained but I don’t think, like Mack says, that she’s “just a ghost” in the traditional sense - since Eli’s powers were drawing matter from another dimension I think it’s pretty safe to say that’s how the Darkhold functions, so maybe the machine zapped Lucy’s physical matter into some other dimension (not her literal dead body but like a rescrambled bunch of atoms) and her spirit/soul was trapped between the two? And also given evil ghost powers because ... that’s just how the Darkhold works, I guess?

It could be some sick ‘poetic justice’ thing like “those who seek to create with the Darkhold will be cursed with the power to destroy,” or something. I sort of like that.

But, anyways, I don’t think she’s like a literal, straight-up departed soul because we’ve never seen anything akin to that in AoS or any other Marvel property, whereas the concept of matter travelling/people being stuck between dimensions has occurred more than once.

Oh, there were 3 Momentum Labs? I forgot that; that’s cool.

Looking at the Pasadena one it looks like it says “No reported financial: LKD 11/2008″ which would imply it was shut down in 2008, meaning that’s when Lucy and the others became ghosts/Robbie became Ghost Rider? But that doesn’t work at all with the timeline; there’s no way that took place 8/9 years before the main storyline because Robbie’s and Gabe’s ages wouldn’t line up. Gabe’s probably 17/18 and he’s still a teenager as of the accident, which means it can’t have been more than 5 years ago. If the directors had intended him to be that much younger when he was paralyzed, they would have cast a younger actor for the flashback. So I’m just going to ignore that date - it makes much more sense imo for Momentum Labs to have been shut down in 2012-14 or so.

And look Mace very genuinely admits that Coulson, not himself, is the expert in all things SHIELD and lets him lead the tour, he acknowledges he’s a newcomer here and has limitations, but oh right he’s the ~bad guy~ and must be a HYDRA mole

(This is more directed at some fan responses rather than the characters themselves; I get that in-universe they have reasons to be irritated by/resentful towards him)

OKAY and there’s the giant Momentum Labs sign so I’m actually going to cut this review short and start a part 2, because with the amount of screaming I’m going to do about Lucy & co in the next bit will be at least as long as everything I’ve already got here.

#Agents of Shield #AoS recap #AoS #my ramblings #personal reactions

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metawitches · 7 years

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I knew I’d miss Grant Ward and his ability to instigate both plot and relationship events when Agents of Shield killed him off at the end of season 3, but holy cow, it’s like both dried up completely when he left the building. He was a complex character with an ability to draw different groups of characters together. He was one of my favorite characters for that reason, but I didn’t think the show would suffer all that much from the loss. It’s a show full of interesting characters, with a comic book universe to draw more from.

Except, for most of this season, all of the returning characters have been separate, chasing random macguffins and/or being chased most of the time, or becoming or dealing with “ghosts”, who turned out to have no plot significance whatsoever long-term. It feels like we took 8 episodes to say wow, we’ve got a guy who’s head catches fire, the movies have magic so we get to have it too, especially this extra evil book, and the world hates inhumans even more than they used to. That looks like an episode or 2 worth of plot to me. We didn’t need any of the red herring distraction of Eli’s accomplices. We could have gone straight to Eli, although even his plot was cut short and explained in very broad strokes.

Not only has the team been separated, most of them have been at odds. The friendships, relationships, and playful banter of the last three seasons were pushed aside, with character development on the whole taking a back seat. May and Coulson were hardly together, nor were Daisy and Coulson, or, well, Daisy and anyone. Fitz and Simmons didn’t do much more than check in with each other at the end of episodes to make sure they were both still alive. Mack and Yoyo were also on pause. The dynamic and chemistry of the team that made it a fun show to watch was lost, not to mention all of the missing characters this season.

The show has also suffered from its schedule this season. With so many competing choppy, thin plotlines running, a show can’t afford to also spread the episodes out over an inconsistently long schedule. It’s too easy to lose track of plotlines altogether in that situation, nevermind where we are in each one.

I’ve read that they want Agents of Shield to be more like Netflix Marvel series, but is that really necessary? There are already so many of those and soon to be more. Can’t Agents of Shield be its own thing, closer to the movies in tone? Or are they building up to moving it to Netflix? I may be in the minority, but I haven’t liked the Netflix shows as much. They are too dark, too gritty, and, especially, too focused on plot and editing tricks, and atmosphere, and not enough on good characters and storytelling for my taste. I’m all for dark, intense, gritty stories, but not at the expense of a coherent plot and well-developed characters. Jessica Jones did that type of storytelling well, but on AoS it was half-assed. Those characters aren’t right for it. It just comes off muddled and confused, like the show doesn’t know what it wants to be.

Radcliffe is a fun mad scientist, but it took too long to integrate him with the rest of the cast. It would be cool to see him and Fitz working together full time, with Jemma trying to keep things sane. AIDA is obviously our next big bad. The LMD storyline seems like it has more potential to become a long term, wide-ranging storyline, the way the inhumans storyline has, than the Ghost Rider storyline did. The darkhold story is a wildcard at this point.

I haven’t warmed up to Jeffrey Mace yet, even though I want to. I get that he’s supposed to be a Steve Rogers-like character, but so far the actor isn’t bringing Chris Evans’ warmth, charm, and humor to the role. Up until episode 8, the guy just seemed like another annoying, rule-oriented mid-level manager who is a decent guy and cares a bit about his people, but cares about the rules more. If that’s not what they’re going for, they need to show him caring about someone. Give him a personal life, or have him get close to someone at work. Steve always had Bucky to keep him from getting lost in self-righteousness about his causes. Mace needs that too. If he’s not going to stare into Coulson’s eyes soulfully, give him someone else. He’s an inhuman, he should be able to connect to the rest of the inhumans at SHIELD, especially if he’s going to be going out into the field with them.

The watchdog/inhuman storyline was one of the better plots this season so far. It’s relevant to the real world and fits well within the continuity of the show. It gives all of the characters, old and new, human and inhuman, and in different locations, reasons to interact. Continuing to have that simmering as an ongoing, series long arc, which occasionally comes to a head, from here on out makes sense (if there is a series after this season).

In the end, I feel like what I should be doing is writing a review of the fall season finale. That episode had everything that the first 7 episodes were missing. The entire team was back together again, on speaking terms and working together. Coulson and Daisy re-established their bond, and Daisy was re-instated as an agent. Fitz and Simmons spent most of the episode in the same room working together. Elena and Mack remembered that they have a connection. Jeffrey Mace became more than a dry administrator. He even got a superhero suit. Radcliffe has become a charming but ambiguous and possibly villainous character, since we can’t be sure of what he knows about AIDA’s activities. Even if he knows nothing, he’s dangerous in his obliviousness to what’s happening around him. Coulson and May moved forward in their relationship, except that’s actually LMD May. The fact that she was showing emotion should have been a clue, damn it. All of the various relationships between the team members got at least a minute. Even Daisy and Fitz’s friendship seems to be on the mend. The characters had all of those interactions, and Eli was taken out, Robbie Reyes/GhostRider’s story was wrapped up for the moment, Jeffrey Mace was confronted about his dealings with the anti-inhuman senator, and the AIDA/Radcliffe/May/LMD storyline was set up for 4B. There were several action scenes, and Robbie had one last chance to show off his burning skull. Whoever wrote this episode deserves a medal. More of all of that, please.

Agents of Shield Season 4A: GhostRider Review I knew I'd miss Grant Ward and his ability to instigate both plot and relationship events when Agents of Shield killed him off at the end of season 3, but holy cow, it's like both dried up completely when he left the building.

#Agents of SHIELD #Marvel #metacrone #review

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spacedancer1701 · 4 years

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Another Life - a Star Trek fic - (Chapters 36 - 40)

Sequel to ‘On Borrowed Time’

Fandoms: Star Trek, Star Trek: The Original Series (TOS), Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (AOS) Pairing: McCoy x Original Female Character (Dr. Jennifer Hope) Characters: The Crew of the USS Enterprise (NCC-1701) Rating/Warnings: None Tags: Romance, Friendship, Love, Warm and Fuzzy Feelings, Angst/H/C, Caring/Protective/Tender/Comforting/Happy/Grumpy/Worried McCoy Word Count: This is a long one. Again. 😄 (71 chapters - 177k)

Read it on AO3: Another Life

Chapter 36

Obviously, with amnesia, there wasn’t all that much you could do but give it time. And hope. McCoy was still spending his nights researching, but he always seemed to end up with the same disappointing result. There were so many different kinds of amnesia, so many different outcomes and experiences. As he’d told a disappointed Hope long ago, the human brain was still quite a mystery, even in the 23rd century with all its advanced science and opportunities.

The more research he did, however, the more reason he saw to be thankful. That Hope had recovered such a large portion of her memory in such a short time, and was able to just continue with her job as well as all the things she liked to do in her free time, was certainly not the norm. She had been incredibly lucky, and the doctor was grateful for that. Giving up their relationship suddenly seemed like a small price to pay for her to continue her life and her career otherwise unimpaired.

Nevertheless, McCoy still hoped for her to remember. But days turned into weeks, and he started to resign himself to the possibility that she might never recover the past two years. The thought was painful beyond belief, and he was sorry not only for himself, but also for what she had lost. She’d been truly happy, and she’d loved those memories. Spending whole nights reminiscing with him had been one of her favourite things, he thought fondly, hoping against hope that they’d at least get the chance to make new memories.

But things were different now, and she seemed happy, too, fully functional as an officer and having fun getting to know everyone again. Hope was exactly the same woman as before, did the same things, had the same passions and the same wonderful personality. She was the same wonderful woman he’d fallen in love with, the same woman who’d fallen in love with him. But she wasn’t his wonderful woman anymore.

She was getting to know him again, of course, and he was grateful that she was still so comfortable around him. Trusted him, felt safe with him, liked to spend time with him. But since she wasn’t working in sickbay anymore, they just didn’t see as much of each other as they used to during her first year aboard. She was having her evening coffee mostly with other people now, was growing close to other people, too. Their connection wasn’t as special to her as it had been the first time around.

And it certainly didn’t help that he sometimes actively avoided her, because being near her, without being close, was often just too much to bear. Hope was his life, but he had to pretend that she was just a patient, just another crew member. They belonged together, but she simply didn’t remember. At times, the desire to sweep her into his arms and hold her forever was just too overwhelming, and he had to get away from her as fast as he could. Other times, it was the helplessness turning into anger, that made him run off without explanation before he could say or do anything he’d definitely regret afterwards.

There were no words to describe how terribly he missed her. From the minute he woke up in the morning to the moment he crawled into his cold, empty bed at night. The nights were the worst. He yearned for her warm, delightful body nestled against him so comfortingly. And it wasn’t even the sex he missed most. It was the closeness, the tenderness, the intimacy. Of course, he’d been alone in his bed, dreaming about her more often than he cared to remember during her first year aboard, too. But it was so much worse now that he knew what it was like to be with her. How good they were together.

What probably hurt most, though, was the fact that he couldn’t discuss any of this with her, couldn’t share this burden with her, couldn’t depend on her optimism and draw comfort from her unconditional support. He’d got so used to telling her about everything on his mind, including medical matters way beyond her expertise. And even though she might often not have been able to make any scientific recommendations, just talking about things usually helped.

But he was truly alone in this now. After months of convincing himself that it was okay to drop his shields and let someone in again, to trust and rely on someone once more, he was back to where he’d always known he belonged, yet had hoped never to find himself again. Alone.

-x-x-x-x-x-

Jenny was feeling better and stronger with every day that passed. She loved her work, feeling immensely proud that her plan to focus on her studies and career had obviously worked out so well. Rank of lieutenant, head of her own, if small, department, and all that within five years of waking up to a completely different world and time.

The thought that she’d just come out of another coma, sleep, stasis, whatever it had been, with no real idea of how long she’d been out, was, of course, still a little unsettling. But for some reason she had this total, instinctive trust in Dr. McCoy, and, frankly, couldn’t see any reason why he, or any of the others, should have been lying to her. Not to forget his genuine shock and concern, when he’d found out that she didn’t remember him.

Besides, she’d definitely heard of Captain James T. Kirk and the Enterprise during her Academy years. And the captain looked exactly like the holos she’d seen of him, so she really couldn’t have been asleep that long.

The Enterprise.

Jenny still couldn’t believe that she’d not only been cleared for starship duty, but had even made it to the Fleet’s flagship. Beside her work, she loved everything about the Enterprise. All the activities she engaged in in her free time, the band and dancing mostly, of course, but, above all, really, she liked the crew. Jenny might only begin to know them again, but they already felt like friends.

The doctor was still her favourite. Maybe because he’d been there when she’d first woken up, and had so kindly and caringly looked after her ever since. Or simply because he’d been the one to take her in his arms, and she just couldn’t forget how wonderful his warm embrace had felt. Jenny was also aware that he was still dedicating a lot of his free time to doing research on amnesia, for which she was immensely grateful, and which sent a warm feeling to her stomach every time she thought about it.

McCoy knew how vulnerable she felt, with who knew how many of her memories still missing, maybe even lost forever, and his protectiveness was just what she needed. Although the doctor’s mood swings seemed to have become more frequent recently, and she sometimes got the impression that he was actually angry with her.

One moment he was kind and fun, seeming to enjoy their conversation, and looking at her with a tenderness that went straight to her heart, and the next, he couldn’t get away fast enough, suddenly seeming angry, or maybe disappointed, with her. And she had no idea why.

She’d even tried to talk to him about it, outright asked if she’d done anything to annoy him, if there was some disagreement between them she didn’t remember, some unfinished business. But he’d just brushed it off as something she imagined while actually getting mad at the question, only to touch the gentlest hand to her face, tenderly caressing her cheek and looking deeply into her eyes the next moment.

Maybe the obligation he felt, as her doctor, to look after her was getting too much, and he was fed up with playing the babysitter. Or maybe she’d been too obvious, he’d noticed how incredibly drawn she felt to him and just didn’t want to lead her on. Just because she loved to be near him, didn’t necessarily mean that he wanted that, too.

Perhaps she should stop taking up so much of his time and spend more time with her other friends instead. Relieve him a little of babysitting duty. The strange thing was just that, whenever she did, McCoy still seemed to hover somewhere nearby, not quite able to stop watching over her.

Anyways, she really wanted to keep focused on her career, no matter how often she might dream of the doctor’s arms and smile. She’d be going on her first landing party soon, and she couldn’t wait. All Jenny had to do was pass a physical exam before then, and she truly hoped that McCoy would let her.

-x-x-x-x-x-

“You can get dressed again, love,” McCoy smiled at Hope when he’d finished his examination, perching on the edge of the nearby computer desk and skimming through the results of her blood tests.

He just couldn’t stop calling her ‘love’, but thankfully, she didn’t seem to mind, simply taking it as his way of talking. Like he called other patients ‘darling’ or ‘sweetheart’.

When he looked up from his display again, however, Hope still hadn’t moved and just kept staring at him, sort of expectantly. Then the penny dropped. She was waiting for him to leave, or at least turn around, while she took off the medical gown and changed back into her uniform.

“I’ll be back in a minute to talk about your results,” he mumbled, making a quick exit and sitting down heavily at the desk in his office next door.

He’d simply forgotten. But this was the woman he knew inside out, as intimately as you could know anyone. He was familiar with every one of her birthmarks, knew what every single inch of her skin felt like, hell, even tasted like. He knew how to make her melt under his touch, how beautiful she looked when she was in the throes of passion. How to rub her back to make her purr with pleasure and where to tickle her to make her squeal and giggle. And now he had to leave the room while she got changed.

McCoy rested his head in his hands, wondering how much more he could take. He loved Hope more than anything else in the world, and always would. But the hurt was just overwhelming, and he could feel himself approaching breaking point. Sitting with her before she’d woken from her coma, he’d believed to be prepared for anything, happy to stay by her side and care for her no matter what. Determined to deal with whatever physical and/or mental handicap she might have been left with, making sure that she got all the love and care she needed, never leaving her side. But that wasn’t possible now. He was forced to keep his distance. Give her privacy. Take care of her from afar.

And in less than a week, she’d be on her first assignment joining a landing party again. De facto her first, as far as she was concerned. McCoy remembered only too well how nervous she’d been on her actual first assignment. And how dangerous it had turned out despite starting off as completely harmless. Well, if Jim wanted her to go, he’d have to let the doctor join the landing party, too. There was no other way McCoy was going to clear Hope for this assignment.

Chapter 37

When Dr. McCoy returned some minutes later, he seemed frazzled, and Jenny’s heart went out to him and whoever had been unfortunate enough to cross him in the short time he’d been away. Thankfully, it didn’t seem to have anything to do with her results, since the doctor, although rather distractedly, told her that she was in excellent health and could certainly join the landing party after he’d cleared a few details with Captain Kirk.

Seeing her relief and joy at the good news, McCoy even managed a smile, but Jenny sensed that his mind was already elsewhere. So she just quickly thanked him and all but skipped out of sickbay, heading straight for the gym, where she was meeting Chekov for one of their dancing units.

Leaning back against the back panel of the turbolift, she couldn’t believe how much she’d just enjoyed her physical, smiling at the thought that she was probably the only crew member who did. But opportunities to be near the doctor were rare these days, and she’d relished every gentle touch, not caring that they had just been part of the examination.

Having the doctor stand so close that she could feel the warmth radiating from his body had given her goose bumps, and, ridiculous as it sounded, she thought he smelled so nice. Jenny didn’t know why, maybe her dad had used a similar aftershave or something, but Dr. McCoy, even with the ever-present waft of antiseptic, somehow smelled like home.

After her dancing session with Chekov, where Pavel had once again left no doubt about his feelings for her, Jenny indulged in a real-water shower to celebrate her excellent test results, exhilarated at the prospect of joining her first – at least to her memory – landing party. Later, in bed, thinking about Chekov’s eagerness, she couldn’t help but wonder if she might actually have reciprocated his feelings before her coma.

Pavel was certainly a brilliant and attractive young man, although she somehow always thought of him as more of a boy. He was kind and fun, and would undoubtedly be a good match as far as rank and age were concerned. She was also pretty sure that he’d make a really attentive boyfriend, but she just couldn’t see them together. Not unless being in his arms while dancing could make her feel the way she had in McCoy’s arms.

Oh God, can’t I even finish a single thought without the doctor invading it? she grumbled to herself, feeling her heart skip a beat just at the idea of dancing with McCoy.

No, there was no way she could see Pavel as anything but a friend. She’d have to find the right moment to tell him that, even if it hurt him and meant that he didn’t want to continue their dancing sessions. But she definitely didn’t want to lead him on. Maybe that was precisely the pickle McCoy found himself in with her, Jenny thought despondently. That he liked her, but just not in that way.

Trying to shift her thoughts away from the doctor and her non-existent love life, Jenny tried to recapitulate all the information she’d gathered about herself so far, concerning those last two missing years. McCoy – God, here he was again – had encouraged everyone aboard to tell her as many facts about the past two years as they wanted, in the hope that something might trigger her memories, but at the same time had instructed the crew to really stick to the facts, and not to foist any private suspicions, based on guesswork and gossip, on her, especially concerning her personal life. If they wanted her to truly remember, feeding her false information would certainly not be helpful.

There had, of course, been a few personal things that people had let slip nevertheless, but nothing that really seemed of relevance to her. As for the facts, Jenny had so far learned that, to her great astonishment, she’d worked in sickbay – although that might explain why the doctor knew her so well, had been on a dangerous first mission from which she’d returned with a broken ankle after saving the captain’s life – a little exaggerated, surely – and also Peterson’s from security before that – definitely exaggerated.

She’d further been told that she’d been on the Lexington for six months, and had headed her own department of linguistics ever since her return. That her and Uhura’s gigs with the band were legendary, and, her favourite, that she was reportedly good friends with at least half the crew.

Chekov had told her of their many dancing shows, giggling about how McCoy used to freak out over their Rock’n’Roll acrobatics, and that she’d saved Christmas for several crewmates by preparing surprise presents for anyone who would have gone without otherwise. All with Pavel’s help of course. Apparently, she had even once performed field surgery on him, which she’d taken for one of Chekov’s less tasteful jokes at first, but which McCoy had later confirmed with a soft, almost emotional look in his eyes.

Uhura had been the one to fill her in on all the little things, like what her favourite replicated food was – chicken salad sandwich, the one McCoy had got her after he’d taken her off the drip, which song she’d loved to perform most – To Make You Feel My Love, which had come as no surprise to her, but which, being a classic country song, quite obviously wasn’t one of Nyota’s favourites, that she’d become some sort of yoga guru on the Enterprise, and many more little facts like that.

Since Nyota was not only her best friend, but also without doubt the most communicative, Jenny kept pestering her about her pre-coma relationships, specifically her love life, wanting to know so badly if she’d been more than friends with anyone aboard. But so far, Uhura had remained annoyingly vague in that regard. She’d admitted to being under the impression that Jenny might actually have been in love, or something to that effect. Lots of words in intricate sentences full of question marks and maybes. She wouldn’t even hint at who she had in mind. It had never been more than a sneaking suspicion, anyway, Uhura had claimed, since Jenny had always adamantly denied it.

Closing her eyes with a groan, she tried to wrack her brains once more for some little memory, anything at all. She didn’t know why, but she just couldn’t shake the feeling that those two years had not only been incredibly adventurous and career-furthering, but also very emotional. The thought that someone aboard might know her much more intimately than they let on, was, to say the least, unsettling, but also made her sad. If she’d been in love with someone, she really wanted to know.

When Uhura hadn’t been very forthcoming, Jenny had tried to approach the subject from a different angle, asking her if she knew of anyone who might have feelings for her.

But Nyota, seeing right through her, had just laughed and said, “Take your pick, sugar! There’s not a person aboard who’s not in love with you.”

“You mean it could be a woman, too?” Jenny had exclaimed, disheartened by the now even wider choice of possible ‘candidates’.

“Not that I know of, but, hell, yeah. Why not, I guess?” Uhura had chuckled, obviously pleased that she’d managed to confuse her friend even more.

After that conversation, Jenny’s mind had gone into overdrive, much to Nyota’s amusement. She’d considered Christine – no way, although the nurse was lovely, Peterson – he’d been extremely grateful, mentioning her saving his life several times, and finally had even straight out asked Uhura, if they’d been in love.

Nyota had doubled over with laughter at that, assuring her that, although they’d been very close and she loved her dearly, there had never been anything remotely romantic between them.

“Don’t let this drive you crazy, Jenny, you’ll figure it out in the end,” her friend had said at last, and then cryptically added, “As far as I can tell, you’re already on the right track, anyway. Just keep following your heart and everything will be fine. No need to rush into anything, either. If it is who I think it is, he’ll stick around.”

Back to ‘he’, then, well at least that was something. Follow her heart? Uhura’s advice kept haunting her. Who had Nyota been talking about? There was only one person her heart really wanted to follow. But there was no way Uhura could know about him, was there?

Looking at the time, Jenny realised that she had to go to sleep quickly, if she didn’t want to show up for her shift like a zombie the next day. Closing her eyes, she pictured all the possible ‘candidates’ one more time, thinking how much easier things would be, if McCoy were actually an option.

Well, a girl could dream.

But seriously, she thought, how sad would it be, if there really had been someone, and she didn’t remember being in love with them, especially, if the feeling had been mutual. If only she could find out who it was, maybe she could learn to love them again?

-x-x-x-x-x-

Chekov was in seventh heaven. They’d put in a dancing unit almost every evening, and not once, since she’d woken from her coma, had Hope mentioned loving him like a brother. In fact, she’d actually flirted with him, something she’d never done before. Not even in the beginning, when he’d still thought he could win her heart. No, she’d always been very clear about not having any romantic feelings for him, but now things were different, and it really felt like a second chance to him.

Along with the rest of the crew, Pavel had been quite sure that Hope was actually with Dr. McCoy, and, although the thought hurt like hell, he’d accepted it as a fact. But as long as they were still dancing together, there’d always been a tiny spark of hope in his heart, that she might, one day, realise that she was madly in love with him, after all.

Maybe that day had arrived? He wouldn’t want to get in the doctor’s way, of course, but assuming him and Hope to be an item must have been a mistake after all. Honestly, even suffering from amnesia, you’d surely remember who you were in love with, wouldn’t you? No, this was his big chance, and he was going to grab it with both hands. He was going to woo Hope like she’d never been wooed before.

But perhaps he’d still have a little talk with the doctor before making a complete fool of himself. Yes, that seemed like a good idea. He’d go and see McCoy first thing tomorrow.

-x-x-x-x-x-

McCoy was surprised to see Chekov nervously pacing outside his office, obviously trying to summon up the courage to come in. What could the young Russian want to talk to him about that got him so flustered?

“Come in already, Chekov,” McCoy grumbled amicably, grabbing the surprised man’s arm and pulling him inside, “you’re going to ruin my floor if you keep running in circles like that.”

Returning to his desk and sitting down in his chair, the doctor looked at Chekov expectantly, motioning for him to sit down as well, but the young man just stood there, nervously twiddling his fingers.

“I need to talk to you about Jenny. Hope, I mean,” Chekov suddenly blurted, catching McCoy completely off guard.

Good thing the doctor was already sitting down.

“What about her?” McCoy asked, immediately getting his hackles up and looking at the young man through narrowed eyes.

“You know, I’ve always thought Jenny is an amazing woman,” the Russian continued hesitantly.

Tell me something I don’t know, the doctor thought, piqued.

“But she’s never been interested in me so far. Romantically, I mean.”

“And now she is?” the doctor snapped, feeling his heart beating faster.

What was Chekov getting at?

“I don’t know,” the other man stammered, visibly losing heart, “but she hasn’t mentioned feeling for me like for a brother once since she woke up. And I think she’s … flirting with me.”

McCoy wanted to throttle him.

“Why are you telling me this, Chekov?” the doctor asked, not even trying to keep the irritation out of his voice.

“Because I need to be sure that you’re okay with this, before...” Pavel murmured, his face turning a bright shade of pink.

“Before what?” McCoy barked, leaning forward in his chair and fixing the other man with his eyes.

“Before I ask her out for, I don’t know, dinner, maybe?” Chekov’s voice was barely a whisper now.

“And why wouldn’t I be okay with that?” the doctor asked gruffly, leaning back again and trying to unclench his fists.

It wasn’t Chekov’s fault that Hope didn’t remember their love, was it?

“Well, to be honest, I’ve always thought that you and Jenny...” the young man’s voice trailed away.

“That we what?” McCoy pressed on.

He wanted to make him spell it out. Even if his heartache wasn’t Chekov’s fault, the doctor wasn’t going to make this easy on him.

“Er … that you were more than just friends?” Pavel offered awkwardly.

McCoy snorted, trying to ignore the knot that had formed in his stomach. He had to bring this absurd conversation to an end and get rid of Chekov quickly, before he lost his temper.

“You don’t need my permission, Chekov,” the doctor said, an icy tone underlying his display of composure, “Hope is free to do as she pleases, or do you think she’d flirt with you, if she were with anyone else?”

The young man shook his head sheepishly, and McCoy found that, despite all his hurt, he couldn’t stand the thought of Hope being considered as anything less than decent and loyal.

“Just maybe take it slow,” he suggested, surprising himself by how much like fatherly advice this sounded, “Hope might still recover her memory, and you wouldn’t want to be involved too deeply, if she finds out that there’s been someone else all along.”

It was true, there was still hope.

And to take the focus away from himself as well as plant some doubt in Chekov’s mind, not something he felt particularly proud of, of course, McCoy nastily added, “You don’t know, there might even be someone on the Lexington waiting for her.”

Chapter 38

When the door had closed behind a subdued Chekov, McCoy grabbed his favourite coffee mug and flung it forcefully against the wall, satisfied to watch it shatter into a thousand little pieces. Then he slumped in his chair and took a little box out of one of his desk drawers. Opening the box, he looked forlornly at the delicate, dolphin-shaped ring in there.

They’d had to remove all jewellery, fighting to bring Hope back that fateful day she’d sacrificed her life. And his. He’d meant to return the ring with all of Hope’s other things from his quarters, but then somehow hadn’t been able to let go of it. It was a token of their love, a tiny reminder of what had once been, and she didn’t even remember having it, anyway.

Can’t really blame Chekov for trying, McCoy thought, feeling the rage and despair slowly seeping out of his body, leaving plenty of room for hopeless grief in their stead.

Anyone in their right mind would, if there was a chance to gain Hope’s affection, wouldn’t they? And at least the kid had had the decency to ask.

He couldn’t blame Hope either. She didn’t remember, and he was being increasingly distant with her, while Chekov wasn’t. He’d always thought they’d make a nice pair, anyway. Hope needed affection, and Chekov certainly wasn’t a bad choice. With McCoy out of the picture, he could actually see her falling for the young Russian. The doctor slumped even further down in his chair. And there he’d thought he’d already hit rock bottom.

Still tenderly holding Hope’s ring in his fingers, McCoy was startled out of his thoughts by Kirk’s cheerful voice, as the captain stuck his head around the door to his office.

“You wanted to talk to me about Hope and the landing party?” Jim asked brightly, stopping abruptly when he saw his friend’s obvious misery.

“What’s the matter, Bones? You look as if you’ve seen a ghost!” the captain went on as soon as the doors had hissed shut behind him, stepping towards the desk and sitting down in the chair across from McCoy.

“Chekov was just here,” the doctor murmured so low that Kirk could hardly hear him, “practically asking my permission to date Hope. And who could blame him... “

“Bones!” the captain cut him short, “You can’t just give her up without a fight! You really need to tell her!”

“I can’t, Jim!” McCoy groaned, lifting doleful eyes to Jim’s. “Don’t you see? I can’t force a relationship on her, dammit! I can’t make her love me! I’m just a man she barely knows, a man she has no feelings for.”

“You don’t know that, do you?” Kirk argued, his voice soft now.

The doctor just rolled his eyes and quietly said, “All I really want is for her to be happy, Jim.”

“Then court her, Bones! Surely you still know how to do that? Tell her how you feel! Start anew! You’ve won her heart once, you can do it again!”

The captain was getting exasperated.

“Can’t do that, either,” McCoy sighed. “I’m her doctor and her superior.”

“Technically, you were that before, too,” Jim pointed out. “Even more so, when she was still working in sickbay.”

“That was different,” the doctor argued. “We’d known each other for a year until I gave in to my feelings. And by then, even I could see how much she loved me. I don’t see that now. And I can’t make her. She’s free to choose whoever she wants. Maybe it’s even better that way. I’ve always felt she deserved better.”

“You don’t mean that,” Kirk huffed, shaking his head. “You know just as well as I do how perfect you are for each other. Hope couldn’t find anyone better. And she deserves a chance to have that again. Don’t you think? Much as I like Chekov, you and Hope were made for each other. Anyone who’s ever seen you together knows that.”

“What was it again you came here for, Jim?” McCoy changed the subject, putting the ring back in its box and returning it to its place in the drawer.

He just couldn’t keep discussing this now, he needed to clear his head first, needed some time alone to think everything Jim had just said through.

“The landing party,” Kirk replied, respecting his friend’s wish to move on with their conversation. For now, at least.

“Oh, yes,” the doctor said, sighing when he realised that this was still about Hope, after all. “Jenny’s in top form again. Physically. But with the issue of amnesia still hanging in the air, I’ll only let her go on that assignment, if you let me come, too.”

“Sure,” the captain replied without hesitation, getting up to leave and smirking at McCoy’s disbelieving look at how easily Kirk had agreed. “Another day, another chance! I had planned on letting you tag along, anyway.”

-x-x-x-x-x-

The doctor was still staring after his friend, when Hope tentatively knocked on his door.

“Need anything?” McCoy asked dismissively, immediately regretting sounding so gruff.

It wasn’t her fault he could hardly look at her. She hadn’t done anything wrong, but after talking to Chekov, he just couldn’t help feeling betrayed.

“Sorry,” Hope said in a small voice, “if this is a bad time, I can come back later.”

She looked so lost, that the doctor’s heart went out to her, any bad feelings instantly forgotten. If Hope had come here looking for help, he couldn’t just turn her away.

“What can I do for you, Hope?” he said, much more warmly this time, getting up from his desk and crossing the room towards where she was still standing in the door.

“I … I don’t know, really, I … just came to see you, it’s nothing important, sorry, Doctor,” she stammered, spinning around to slip out the door again.

“Don’t go, please stay,” McCoy exclaimed, quickly grasping her arm to keep her from leaving. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to be rude, I’m just having a difficult time for various reasons, but you can always come to me, if you need something, or even just because you feel like it.”

The doctor’s heart beat a little faster, thinking that Hope’s subconscious still guided her to him.

“I’m sorry to hear about your difficulties,” she smiled shyly at him, looking down at his hand still on her arm. “Is there anything I can do for you? If you want to talk, I’m a good listener.”

“I know, Hope,” McCoy smiled back at her, taking his hand away again. “You always have been, but thanks, not this time.”

If only she knew how badly he wanted to talk to her, tell her everything and hear her say that it was going to be fine.

“But it was you, who came to me,” the doctor reminded her gently. “So, how can I help?”

“I’m not sure, really,” she said, bemused, “I just came here, because …”

“Because?” McCoy prompted softly.

“I’m sorry, I really can’t seem to remember why I came here,” she admitted sheepishly, and he could see her eyes suddenly turning anxious. “Do you think there’s something else wrong with my brain, Doctor?”

“No, love,” McCoy tried to reassure her. “The results of your physical were excellent. We all forget things sometimes.”

They were still standing in the doorway, and the doctor beckoned her a little further inside, so that the doors would slide shut behind her. He didn’t feel like continuing their conversation at his desk, though. Standing here, so close to her, was just too delightful.

“It doesn’t even feel like I’ve forgotten the reason,” Hope said, sounding puzzled. “I don’t think I had one in the first place. It’s more like I wanted to come, because… maybe I like sickbay and loved working here?”

“You remember?” McCoy felt new hope rising inside him.

“No,” she sighed, looking crestfallen, “but I do feel comfortable here, so I guessed...”

She shrugged, and McCoy tilted his head encouragingly, sensing that there was still more she wanted to tell him.

“Oh, Doctor,” she looked straight at him, the words suddenly pouring out of her, “I know I said it’s only two years, and what’s that in the grand scheme of things. And you told me I was lucky and that I should be grateful. And I am, I really am. Things could be so much worse. But this not knowing everything about myself is driving me crazy. These gaps in my memories are scary. Does that make any sense? Don’t ask me why, but I really feel that something significant has happened in those two years, that I’m missing something … momentous.”

For a moment, McCoy was dumbstruck, with no idea how to answer. He could see it clearly now. The missing two years not only meant that she didn’t remember their love. She’d also been robbed of all the experiences that had turned her into the confident, self-assured woman she’d become. As it were, she seemed more like the insecure girl she’d been when he’d first come to know her.

She’d always been strong, very capable and mature in her work and her attitude, but emotionally, she’d come a long way in those two years, had done a lot of growing up. He’d loved the shy girl, too, of course, but he only realised now how much he missed, and needed, this amazing woman, who had returned to him from the Lexington, by his side.

“Doctor, I feel afraid. Will I ever remember?” Hope broke into his thoughts.

“Well, physically, there’s no reason why you shouldn’t,” the doctor replied, trying hard to keep his voice steady. “There’s still a chance, just give it time.”

Looking at the woman before him, gazing at him with pleading eyes and clearly expecting him to pull the proverbial rabbit out of the hat, McCoy had to briefly close his eyes to get his emotions back under control.

Screw impeccable conduct, he thought.

Hope was scared, and she needed him now. She needed warmth and reassurance and security. And she’d come to him of all people looking for it. Not to Chekov or anyone else, but to him. The least he could do was comfort her.

This time, he didn’t even ask, but just opened his arms for her, and when Hope instantly stepped into his embrace, closed them firmly around her again. McCoy held her tight, and she hesitantly wrapped her arms around his waist. A little shyly at first, but then she just nestled into his arms, as if she’d always been there. She wasn’t even crying, she just needed to be held. And suddenly, everything seemed all right with the world again.

Even though she still didn’t remember, and maybe never would, right now, a new start for them didn’t seem as unthinkable as it had only minutes ago. That she’d instinctively come to him with her fears, meant that there was still hope. He’d just be there for her, give her time to get to know him again. Falling in love had been wonderful the first time around, and maybe Jim was right. Maybe she would fall in love with him again.

And if, no, when she did, he could tell her all about those two years. She’d treasured all of their memories, delighted in reminiscing about their time together, but what she’d always enjoyed most, was him telling ‘their story’. Hope could never get enough of hearing him tell her all about how he’d fallen in love with her. Head over heels that first evening in the mess, and then a little further every day. She’d certainly love hearing all that again.

Chapter 39

Jenny buried her face in the doctor’s chest, inhaling his comforting scent and relishing being wrapped in his protective embrace. She’d been longing to be this close to him again for weeks, and it felt just wonderful. To think that only minutes ago, she’d been feeling scared, alone, lost. And McCoy’s tender arms had taken all those feelings away, just like that, and replaced them with warm comfort. This was exactly what she’d been dreaming about every night. And right now, the doctor’s arms felt like the safest place in the world.

She’d been thinking about her life, her future, afraid that those missing years would come back to haunt her, not just privately, but that they might even endanger her career. Heading a department full of older, experienced scientists, when she felt like a mere cadet, barely graduated, was proving more intimidating than she’d anticipated. And all the stories about her, that people kept telling her, all those tall tales about this strong, admirable woman who was a complete stranger to her, put an almost crushing pressure to perform on her.

So, she’d done what she always did when she felt troubled or insecure. She’d come to sickbay. As if sickbay held all the answers. But she couldn’t help it, she just felt incredibly comfortable around the place and had already found herself ending up here numerous times, when she’d actually just been aimlessly wandering around the ship, lost in thought. Drawn to the place, or possibly the doctor, not just figuratively, but also literally.

Why was she so attracted to McCoy, anyway? He was older, he was moody and irascible, and yet, he was always so gentle with her. Like now. He’d been less than welcoming when she’d knocked on his door earlier, her embarrassment growing even worse when she hadn’t been able to explain what she’d actually come to sickbay for, afraid that she was starting to forget even the most recent events as well. But when he’d seen her distress, he’d gone from gruff to soft in the blink of an eye, as if all those layers of grumpiness had just fallen away to reveal his true, caring nature.

Opening his arms for her, holding her so tenderly, so protectively, had seemed to come naturally to him. Jenny might not always know where she stood with the doctor, his stressful job probably the main reason for his frequent crabbiness, those layers of grouchy irritation a protective shield against all the pain and despair he was confronted with on a daily basis, so it wouldn’t get in the way of his medical efficiency and break him emotionally. But she was absolutely certain that he’d always be there if she was in real trouble. If anyone was in real trouble, she corrected herself quickly. He was kind like that.

Even standing here like this, their arms around each other like lovers, she had to stay aware of the fact that she was really no one special to him, just another patient, another crew member. No matter how much she wished this could be more, he was not interested in her that way. She was just someone he felt protective about. Probably because he had a daughter nearly the same age, as she’d learned from Uhura only this morning over breakfast. Jenny remembered that particular conversation vividly.

“You’re sometimes too sweet for your own good, Jenny,” Uhura had said, rolling her eyes and shaking her head indulgently. “Not long ago, you even sacrificed your ticket for shore leave on the galaxy’s hottest recreation planet, so that Dr. McCoy could meet his daughter there.”

“McCoy has a daughter?” Jenny had been completely taken aback.

“Yes, he does. Joanna. Although he doesn’t get to see her often. He’s divorced. And Joanna’s almost your age, by the way.”

Oh!

That had certainly been an eye-opener. If McCoy had a daughter around the same age, that was probably why he felt so protective about her. And if she’d given him the chance to see Joanna on shore leave, he was surely grateful, too. Jenny could hardly believe how much that information had hurt, but it had, of course, explained why the doctor would never have a romantic interest in her, someone young enough to be his daughter.

Well, she could still enjoy his company. And stay in his arms as long as he let her, now that she’d finally got another chance to be close to him. Nothing had changed, really. At least not as far as he was concerned. And hadn’t the security she felt when she was with him, his protectiveness, been what had drawn her to him in the first place? She could still relish that. Yes, she’d be more than content with his friendship, if it even was that.

Despite never wanting this heavenly moment to end, Jenny found herself pulling out of the embrace after a while. McCoy hadn’t given any indication that he wanted her to, but with her arms so intimately around his waist, she suddenly felt shy again. It felt all wrong, and yet so incredibly right. Well, the way she was clinging to him, he’d hardly have the heart to push her away anytime soon. No, she had to let go first. It was certainly what he expected and patiently waited for. And she really didn’t want to test the limits of his patience.

“I’m sorry, Doctor,” Jenny smiled, pulling back and shivering against the sudden cold, as the doctor slowly let his hands slide down her arms before letting go completely, as if he wanted to make sure she was steady on her feet again. “Thank you.”

Or maybe he needed to steady himself? He’d seemed almost reluctant to let her go, too. But that was just wishful thinking.

“My pleasure, love,” McCoy drawled, his adorable accent suddenly thick, and the tenderness in his eyes, as he gazed at her, melting her heart. “You all right?”

“Better than all right,” she beamed, feeling elated, her body still glowing from his closeness and his tender touch. “This was just what I needed.”

The words were out before she realised what she was saying, and she could instantly feel the colour rising to her cheeks. The kindness he was showing her was clearly going to her head. But McCoy’s affectionate gaze never faltered.

“Told you I knew you well,” he smiled, his words sending shivers down her spine, and while she was still trying to figure out whether to feel soothed or excited, he added, “Unfortunately, I need to prepare for my next patient now, but how about having coffee with me this evening, and then we can talk some more?”

Jenny’s heart was hammering so loudly in her chest, she was afraid the doctor might hear it. She’d really missed their coffee evenings, which, for some reason, had ended abruptly several weeks ago.

“I’d like that,” she finally managed to reply, taking a couple of steps back and hearing the sliding doors hiss open behind her. “Since I used to work with you, and you said yourself that you know me well, maybe you can even tell me something about myself that Christine and Nyota haven’t yet?”

“I just might,” McCoy nodded, his voice soft and warm, his sparkling eyes following Jenny as she practically danced out of his office.

-x-x-x-x-x-

Going to see McCoy had been a mistake, Chekov thought morosely, looking past the pretty ensign from engineering, who was making eyes at him, to where Hope and McCoy were sitting in a cosy corner of the observation deck, looking as in love as they always had. It was just like before Jenny’s coma, only that it hurt so much more today, because he’d really thought he was in with a chance. Jenny had definitely been behaving differently towards him these last few weeks.

But talking to the doctor about her had been a silly idea. All he’d done was probably just remind McCoy not to let Hope slip through his fingers. Only a few hours ago, the doctor had told him to be careful and take it slow, and now he was flirting with Hope himself. Why the two of them weren’t together in the first place, was beyond him. Watching them, it was perfectly clear that they wanted each other. And why would anyone in their right mind not want Jenny, when they could so obviously have her?

But maybe it was only really her who was in love with him? Maybe the doctor just needed his ego massaged? Or even worse, just wanted her flawless body in his bed? Chekov was appalled at the very idea, feeling outraged just looking at McCoy seductively smiling at Jenny.

Granted, he didn’t actually believe that taking advantage of a woman was something the doctor would do. But his divorce had made him bitter, and he’d definitely once or twice mentioned avoiding commitment ever since. Chekov had certainly never seen McCoy in a serious relationship. And come to think of it, he’d only ever seen the doctor charm and flirt with women on shore leave, or when they were guests on the Enterprise.

Oh! There’s a thought!

Maybe that was the reason? Maybe McCoy didn’t get involved with anyone from the crew? But then, why keep Hope from finding love with anyone else? Surely, even the doctor must see how affectionate and giving Hope was. And that she needed and deserved to be truly loved and treasured in return.

-x-x-x-x-x-

McCoy hadn’t felt that good in ages. Seeing Hope so relaxed, so cheerful again, was balm to his soul. He really shouldn’t have withdrawn from her. She’d told him all about her fears, and he felt extremely guilty for not having been there for her sooner. For letting his own hurt get in the way of supporting her when she’d so desperately needed him. He’d been so busy nursing his own heartache, that he’d completely ignored that Hope might have fears of her own, simply assuming she’d be all right, not knowing what she was missing, anyway.

But he wasn’t going to let that happen again. Seeing her worries dissolve and her confidence return as they talked, made his heart swell with love and happiness. They’d always been good at reassuring and comforting each other. Nothing seemed to have changed there. Hope still chose him to confide in, trusted him to help her fix things. The realisation sent a surge of humble gratitude through him, and he made a silent promise not to fail her again.

Over the course of the evening, McCoy told her endless stories about her time in sickbay and their missions, and Hope soaked up every word. He couldn’t tell her how every little thing she’d done had made him fall crazy in love with her, of course. Didn’t mention anything about shore leave, or the night she’d spent in his arms in a cave on a mission before that. But he could tell her all about the wonderful things she’d done, from taking care of children to saving people’s lives, and let her know that he admired her for all of that.

Perhaps he’d been wrong in his assessment not to interfere with her memories. Considering that she might never actually recover those two years, maybe it was okay to give her more than just the facts. Maybe telling her of his feelings about certain events, or even whether she’d liked or enjoyed something herself, was all right. And judging from the delight on her face and the eagerness with which she kept asking for ever more details, it certainly was.

Hope had always been endearingly sentimental and loved trips down memory lane. And from the way her eyes were gleaming now, he could tell that she was enjoying herself immensely, listening to him telling her stories about things she didn’t remember. Maybe this was their new way of reminiscing, at least until they’d made new, real memories together.

When they were almost the only ones left on the observation deck, McCoy gently suggested that it was time to go to bed, and the happy mood was a little subdued when they had to go their separate ways, each to their own quarters. McCoy didn’t even dare to ‘walk her home’, as he would have loved to do, for fear of being too obvious. And afraid of not being able to simply say good night outside her quarters, of losing control and doing something stupid like kiss her. Baby steps, he told himself.

They arranged another ‘date’ for the next day, however, the doctor asking her to come see him in sickbay after her shift, since he wanted to check, and maybe update her medical knowledge a little before the landing mission the day after. Hope readily agreed, and McCoy was almost certain to see her eyes light up at the prospect of spending another evening with him.

That night, for the first time since Hope had fallen into a coma, McCoy’s bed didn’t seem as cold as it had for the past few weeks. The memory of holding her only hours before sent the warmest feelings through him. He’d had to be careful not to crush her in his eagerness to be as close to her as he possibly could, and If she hadn’t pulled away, he might not have been able to let her go at all.

As he was drifting off to sleep, smiling at the image of Hope’s animated face in his mind, he couldn’t help but wonder, if she might, somehow, be thinking about him, too, right now.

Chapter 40

After a very restful night, full of sweet and tender dreams, Jenny started her shift with a happy smile on her face. After everything she’d learned about herself the evening before, she felt much more confident in her role as department head again. The doctor certainly knew how to boost someone’s confidence. She still couldn’t actually remember any of it, but McCoy had described things so vividly, and in such detail, she almost felt as if she’d actually been there. The way he’d talked about her and her experiences hadn’t felt like mere stories, but like something she would actually feel or do.

Obviously, he wasn’t exaggerating, when he told me that he knows me well, she thought fondly, the realisation making her feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

But last evening had turned out even better than she’d hoped for in more ways than one. McCoy might not have had hearts in his eyes, but he clearly cared for her and had put a lot of thought and research in how to help her since she’d woken up. And the tenderness in his smile and in his voice, when he’d shared his memories of her, the endless patience with which he’d answered all of her questions, had convinced her that she couldn’t have been the reason for his recurring mood swings, after all.

Her colleagues in the linguistic department seemed to sense her shift of mind, too. They’d been incredibly supportive from the day she’d returned to duty after her coma, but today, the atmosphere was buzzing with new energy, as they prepared for the upcoming landing mission.

She didn’t know about her people skills, for which McCoy had been praising her last night, but she’d certainly always loved to be and work with people. And the doctor had definitely been right, when he’d told her that she was greatly respected and appreciated by her colleagues.

The best thing about today, however, was that she’d get to spend the evening, or at least part of it, with McCoy again. On official business, of course, but she still couldn’t wait to see him again after her shift.

-x-x-x-x-x-

Entering sickbay only minutes after alpha-shift had ended, Jenny couldn’t keep the eager grin from her face, hoping the doctor wouldn’t attribute her enthusiasm to her desire to be around him, but rather to her looking forward to brushing up on her medical skills.

“The doctor’s already waiting for you in his office,” Christine greeted her with a nod towards the open door.

“Thanks, Christine!” Jenny replied, hurrying by, then stopped in her tracks, when she saw her friend’s knowing smile.

“What?” she laughed, raising a quizzical eyebrow at Chapel.

“Nothing,” Christine shook her head, “it’s just good to have things back to normal.”

When it became clear that the nurse wasn’t offering any further explanation, Jenny continued on her way, making a mental note to grill her friend about this some more later.

The doctor, it seemed, had indeed been waiting for her, since he’d already prepared a few medical instruments on his desk, and also put the training dummy, in what looked like a rather painful position, right in the middle of his office floor.

“Hello, Hope,” McCoy greeted her with an easy smile, then pointed towards the dummy and grinned, “and right on time, too. Can’t wait to get your hands on my poor friend here, can you?”

“He looks quite a mess,” Jenny giggled. “Whatever happened to the guy?”

“Well, that’s for you to find out, my dear,” the doctor chuckled. “I hope you can help him. Let’s see, if you’ve still got it!”

Jenny felt her heart beat faster. What was she supposed to do now? She briefly closed her eyes, unsure where to start. But then, looking back at the dummy, she just let her body take over, her brain following right after, as suddenly every move, every step of the procedure was coming back to her.

She could feel McCoy’s watchful eyes on her while she was working away, and it should have made her feel nervous. But, surprisingly, all it did was give her a warm, glowing feeling inside.

When she was done, the dummy safely recuperating on the doctor’s couch, Jenny looked expectantly at McCoy, and was rewarded with an appreciative nod and a thumbs-up.

“Your medical knowledge is definitely still there,” the doctor smiled. “What you did was way more than your standard first aid training would provide. I’m impressed.”

“Thank you!” Jenny beamed, unable to suppress a little victorious squeal, and raising her hand for a high-five. “I remember it all. That’s amazing!”

She was just about to drop her hand again, realising that it wasn’t really a 23rd century thing to do, when McCoy clapped his hand against hers with a wide grin on his face, the move seeming so natural, as if it were something he did every day.

I’ve quite obviously taught the crew some old traditions, Jenny thought amusedly.

“Come over here, now, Hope,” the doctor beckoned her over to his desk, “look at these instruments and tell me everything you know about them.”

It was easy. And to see her delight at finding all the knowledge still there mirrored in McCoy’s eyes, made her heart brim over with pride and joy.

“So, if this is still all there in my subconscious, then there’s still hope for my other memories, too, right?” Jenny raised hopeful eyes to McCoy’s.

“Well, yes! Considering that you remembered all the linguistic stuff, too, it sure is,” the doctor smiled encouragingly at her.

“Oh, the ‘linguistic stuff’ is not that surprising, really. I can rarely tell what information I’ve acquired during those last two years and what I’ve already known before, anyway. But this,” she waved her hand around the doctor’s office, “I really didn’t know anything about. Well, apart from the mere basics, of course.”

McCoy was beaming at her with such affection as she rambled on, overwhelmed by happiness, that Jenny wanted to throw herself into his arms right there and then.

“And if I remember all this, it’s still possible for me to regain my other memories as well, isn’t it?” she needed to check one more time.

“Yes, it is,” the doctor replied softly, and all of a sudden, Jenny didn’t know what to do with all the hopeful joy she was feeling.

How could she have known that her recovering all of her memories didn’t mean half as much to her as it did to him?

“Time for another hug?” McCoy suddenly asked, obviously sensing that her emotions were bubbling over.

This time she didn’t even wait for him to open his arms, and just flung herself at him, throwing her arms around his neck.

“Oh Doctor, I’m going to remember everything, I just know it!” she exclaimed, her voice muffled against his shirt, feeling his chuckles vibrating in his chest, as he closed his arms tightly around her waist.

“I’ve missed this,” McCoy laughed affectionately, clutching her to him, “this … ebullience.”

Jenny pulled back again, releasing the doctor and grinning sheepishly. She couldn’t make a habit of falling into his arms and just staying there. But even this short hug had felt like a little piece of heaven.

“Sorry Doctor,” she apologised, taking two steps back and straightening out her uniform, “I didn’t mean to be so forward, but I’m just having such a good day.”

McCoy perched on the edge of his desk and crossed his arms in front of his chest, his smiling eyes never leaving her face.

“So you’ve had a good day today?” he grinned in this adorable way that lit up his whole face and made you wonder how he ever managed to look grumpy at all.

“A very good one,” Jenny confirmed. “Thanks to you.”

“Me?” he asked, taken aback. “What did I do?”

Jenny couldn’t help laughing at the genuine confusion on his face.

“Yes, you,” she repeated quietly. “You have no idea how much last evening meant to me. You’ve helped me so much, and I can’t thank you enough for taking the time to tell me all those little details about myself, for restoring my confidence in myself. I feel so much better now, and I’m sure my whole department does, too. Which is really a good thing, given that we’re going planetside tomorrow.”

McCoy just looked at her, his kind eyes searching her face, but for what, she had no idea.

Just as Jenny was starting to feel a little uncomfortable under his scrutiny, he finally asked, “Nervous about tomorrow?”

Jenny just shrugged. Of course, she was.

“No need to be,” he said softly, his voice low and soothing. “You’ll do great.”

“Was I nervous before my actual first assignment?”

“A little,” the doctor smiled, tilting his head to the side and gazing warmly at her.

“I’m glad you’re coming, too. I feel safer when you’re around,” Jenny murmured, immediately hating how immature and insecure she sounded, but McCoy’s gaze just softened even more.

“Happy to hear that,” he replied, “but you’d be perfectly fine on you own, too.”

“Says the man who’s constantly kept an eye on me since the moment I woke up,” she chuckled, her heart melting, as she thought about how he’d always managed to show up somewhere close by, even after one of his mood swings had had him run off in a hurry shortly before.

“That obvious, huh?” McCoy grinned self-consciously, shaking his head slightly.

“Don’t worry,” Jenny said quickly, not wanting him to feel bad about caring. “It gives me security, I like it.”

Then she suddenly remembered him being a father.

“Have you always been looking out for me?” she asked, wishing she could just reach out and touch him. “I mean, even before?”

McCoy just tilted his head again, which she took as a yes.

“And did I not like it then?”

Jenny was curious now. Surely, she’d have appreciated someone trying to keep her safe?

“Maybe not all the time,” the doctor chuckled, looking at her almost lovingly. “You’re quite a strong and capable lady. But you know that, of course.”

Jenny smiled and shook her head. When had this conversation become so intimate? She suddenly felt as if she knew the doctor. Really knew him. They’d definitely been close before. That’s probably what Christine had meant earlier, it suddenly occurred to her.

McCoy really liked her, she could feel it. And come to think about it, he did sometimes act like an overprotective father. The only question was, had she seen him as a father-figure before? Or had she always had this silly crush on him? She might never know, she realised. And she could just as easily have been in love with Chekov or anyone else, and not remember it.

Blasted amnesia!

“Am I different than before?” she suddenly blurted.

McCoy looked at her pensively for a long time, a tender smile on his lips. He had this gift for making people feel special when he talked to them, for showing them they mattered. The way he listened so attentively, carefully thinking about his answers, completely focused on whoever he was talking to, as if there were no place he’d rather be. Jenny had observed this numerous times, both professionally in sickbay and privately in the mess or recreation room. And she certainly enjoyed it, whenever she was being the centre of his attention. Like now.

“Not really,” the doctor said after a while. “A little less confident, maybe, since some or your experience is missing. In a way, you’re more like the woman you were when you first came aboard the Enterprise. An endearing trace of shyness and insecurity underneath all that strength and sass. But other than that, you’re completely the same. Brave, kind and brilliant.”

Jenny’s heart was threatening to spill over at his words, his approval suddenly seeming the most important thing in the world.

“But you don’t have to worry, love,” he went on, her heart skipping a beat like it did every time he called her ‘love’, even though she knew he was very generous with terms of endearment when talking to patients. “Even if you don’t get all of the last two years back, and I still think there’s a great chance you will, you’ll soon grow to be the person, you were only a few weeks ago, again. And going on that mission tomorrow is a first step.”

While Jenny was still processing everything the doctor had just said, he glanced at the chronometer, then put a gentle hand to the small of her back and smilingly steered her towards the door.

“Speaking of which,” he grinned, as the doors slid shut behind them, “I think it’s time to grab something to eat and then go rest up for tomorrow!”

-x-x-x-x-x-

Continue to: Chapters 41-45 Chapters 46-50 Chapters 51-55 Chapters 56-60 Chapters 61-65 Chapters 66-70 Chapter 71

Go back to: Chapters 1-5 Chapters 6-10 Chapters 11-15 Chapters 16-20 Chapters 21-25 Chapters 26-30 Chapters 31-35

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