#this was fun ill prob do it again bc i got a bunch of good ones hehehe

[sojutrait]

6 townie makeovers

[yami-writes]

MHA boys with tiktok accounts

(🏷️) paring(s): Midoriya x reader, Kaminari x reader, Todoroki x reader (🔮) summary: Midoriya, Kaminari, and todoroki with Tiktok accounts (hcs) (⚠️) warning(s): just crack n fluff here (💌) note from Yami: inspired by a request I got the other day (check it out here) (hey yall, made this at 3am dont mind me. jus vibin)

~*~*~*~*

Midoriya

i think he would enjoy tiktok

you introduced him to it

and he thought it was cool so he decided to stay for the ride

His fyp is filled to the brim with all might.

Just all might.

Occasionally some other heroes

But mainly all might ✋

He WANTS to only follow you

But he's a pushover and too nice for his own good and ended up following everyone in class

Poor bby

If he ever does decide to post, it will have something to do with heroes

Probably just recording all of his all might merch

And occasional small vlogs of what it's like at ua

Or in the dorms

And there pretty fun to watch and get a lot of love

And of course people will demand more

And, like I said, he physically can't say no

So he does more

which never fail to get under 1.5mil veiws

he’s well known in the tiktok community~~

HE WILL COMMENT NICE THINGS ON EVERY. SINGLE. VIDEO. YOU. POST.

no exceptions.

A small dance video??

"angel, your so good at dancing!!! Plz teach me someday!! I wanna be in one of your tiktoks!! :)"

precious!!

or perhaps some sort of aesthetic video

“wow! this tiktok is so pretty! just like you, angel <3(a tiktok could never compare to you)″

ahhhhhhhhhh IZUUU

you always screenshot the comment and send it to him with your response

and u could see him blushing behind the screen

if u do decide to allow him to dance in one of your tiktoks, hes so happy

like, incredibly happy

as if All Might himself walked into the room

his face will light up like a PUPPY

ok i’ll stop.

after mina’s many lessons she was able to teach him to dance pretty well

now all you had to do was teach him the dance 

and it turned out really good

ill leave the dance and the overall quality of said tiktok up to u 😌

use ur imaginations loves~~

but regardless~

the tiktok yall made 

blew. tf. up.

the comments were full of

“OMG YOU GUYS R SO CUTEE 😍”

and

“PLZ DO MOREE!!!!”

probably the most popular video you have tbh~

and you bet ur ass when midoriya found out he was gonna do another one

GOD- 

you swear his smile could make a bitch go blind~

Follower count: 5.3mil & counting

Kaminari

i know for a FACT this bitch has tiktok

i also know he is a tiktok MASTER

he knows all the trends

and the memes

and is also quite well known

his fyp definitely has A LOT of memes

and trendy stuff

and he only posts trendy stuff

the includes dances, challenges, pranks..... PRANKS.

a lot of pranks from this man....

and you, dear, are one of his main victims

along with the rest of the bakusquad

and its annoying asf bc this idiot is wasting his damn brain space that he apparently has??? to plan out a PERFECT prank

and it works EVER. SINGLE. TIME.

there is no escaping him,

and its even worst bc these pranks of his are his most popular posts

by this point there is no stoppping him.

and dont even bother trying to get him back

he can literally sense a prank

like a second quirk or sumn-

rip 💀

he will SPAMM your comments

“FGUYJGYHUK”

“GO OFFFF”

“dat ass tho 👀👀”

“u really went: 🍰🍰“

“just suffocate me with your thighs already, boo!! 😭🥺”

lmafoooo 

you cant even be bothered to reply to any of his thirsty comments

which are always the first ones you recive...

and are always top comments

rip💀

now,lemme get this straight.

he will BEG

like- on his hands and knees beg

the be in one of ur tiktoks

specifically, a dance

even more specifically, a dance thats more on the~~ scandalous side

you know what i mean sis

rolls, hair whips, throwin it back, all the shit

hell- you have NO idea how much he would love to just be in the presence of you throwin him back sum ass 

damn

once you finally give in and do a tiktok with him

and he wants to pick the dance

obviously

yall prob did a doja cat song cant lie lmafo

“Candy” perhaps??

anyways, he’ll probably mess up on purpose just so u can throw it to em again

but once he’s had enough he’ll do it properly

after about 12 attempts that is-

but dont worry cause that video got LOVE

“THIS IS SO CUTE😍”

“PLZ DANCE TOGETHER MOREEE❤️💗“

and you know denki is gonna see this

you also know he, along with ur comments, also want more

good luck, dear...

follower count: 8.1mil & counting

Todoroki

you showed him tiktok

and he watched you in your dorm making some

and he wanted to try so you helped him make an acc

ofc the first thing he does is follow you and watch some all of ur videos

every single one, sis.

i think his fyp would be full of cooking tutorials

specifically, soba

he tries, he really does.

he still cont cook with out burning something, but there IS improvment

and he would post the most random shit

literally anything

a small bug he saw on his way to school?

filmed and posted.

and that shit gets VIEWS

how you ask??

good question dearie

lets just say Mr. Shouto Todoroki is HOT

in all aspects, no exeptions

people can and will watch his tiktoks just to see him

and better bet ur ass his comments are full of thirsty girls

but thats offtopic.

he also has small videos he recored of you

whether it was you singing or dancing

doing you makeup brushing your hair

dosent matter.

he’ll have a BUNCH in his drafts he likes to scroll through daily

he never told anyone, not even you

👀👀

he dosent comment on all ur posts but he does comment on some of them

only some

specifically, the ones he likes

i mean~ he likes all of them, but if he favors a specific one over the rest, he’ll let you know

“wow, y/n. i like this video more than your others. i guess thats why im commenting. anyways, i love the tiktok, but i love you more.”

he sooooo dryyyyyy

like put a heart at least man

ANYWAYS

he usually lurks in the comments, making sure everyone is staying their place

like a security guard lmao

he’ll privately message you his thoughts on your tiktok

it’ll be a long message with a mix of compliments but also questions

“i liked the song, but whats the song called? 

“how did you make that? I really liked it though.”

dry, but pure.

i dont think he would have much interest in  being in one of your tiktoks

BUT

if you want him in one of your tiktoks

he’ll offer to stand in the background.....

then you explain to him you want him to /participate/ in the tiktok

if you want him to do a dance with you

goodluck

this man is STIFF

every move you teach him is another jab at your soul

painful

if you gather up the courage to allow him to be in the tiktok

he’ll just-

leave

as in, walk out of the room leave

...what???

he’ll come back later and act as if nothing happened

and if u question him

“i lost interest.” 

yea, like a fucking child

the damn tiktok barley even started-

follower count: 10.9mil & counting

Masterlist

[bella-spil]

Halloween

Summary: you and the avengers spend Halloween together.

Characters: Y/N (your name), Bucky, Loki, Thor, Tony, Steve, Sam, Natasha, Clint, Vision, Wanda, Peter, Shuri.

Warnings: cursing, tbh thats it.  VINE REFERENCES

Word Count: 2.4

A/N: hi.. I’m sry I haven’t written in a while.  School has been killing my creativity.  This is gonna be more of a miniseries, more like 2-3 parts.  It’s prob not gonna get much attention, but if you like it, just comment or re blog bc it helps my confidence with posting stuff on here.  This is also inspired by a meme I saw (Ill post it at the bottom of the story) and a video with Anthony Mackie and Chris Evans (link) Masterlist is here

Tag List: @sea040561 @wednesday-add-em @kmuir1 (lmk if you wanna join)

Halloween was a week away.  Tony being Tony, already paid for the decorations for the tower, so basically all of the floors look like a haunted house.  Rolls of toilet paper stretched across arches in the hallways, tiny spiders were all over furniture, bones and eyes and zombies and witches and everything in between that you could possibly think of was in the tower.  The tower looked like a zombie on steroids; creepy yet entertaining at the same time.  

Everyone was fine with the decorations, but the costumes were a big issue.  Steve and Tony kept arguing over the ideas, both of them wanting to do group costumes.  Everyone else had their ideas too, but Tony and Steve were at each other's throats for the past couple weeks, since like August.  Your room in the tower was right by the meeting office, so hearing the two of them screaming at each other for the most stupid shit was driving you insane.  Once it got to the point where you had to yell at them to shut up.  

This morning, a week before Halloween, while everyone was there, you cleared your throat while you heard Steve and Tony bickering.

“Guys this is getting to be too much.  We need to have a meeting to discuss these fucken costumes.” you said.

“Yeah this is getting out of control,” Nat agreed.

“Guys, cmon, you have to agree with me.  All of us having Iron Man suits would be awesome.  We could fly around the city all night and have so much fun!” Tony said.

“Tony, stop.  All of us being soldiers is better.”  Steve countered.

“STOP!” Clint groaned.  “You guys are insane.  We need to discuss this as a group.”

Tony and Steve sat across from each other, glaring at each other.  Death was looming between them.  

“Fine,�� Tony sighed.  “When and where?”

“The office, 2pm,” Nat said.  “And everyone has to show up, that means you too Bucky.”

Bucky groaned from the other side of the room.  He hated group discussions, he liked working alone better.  Said that it was faster to be alone and you didn’t have to worry as much.

~~~

2pm finally rolled by.  Everyone has showed up in the big office, one that seemed a little too big.  Everyone was tired of the bickering and had showed up, thankfully.  

Tony, Steve, Natasha, Clint, Thor, Bucky, Sam, Peter P, Shuri, Wanda, Vision, Loki and you were crowded around the table.  Tony was standing at the end with a whiteboard, prepared to write down ideas.

“So guys, what do you want to do?” Tony said.

“What about we dress up as famous Star Wars characters?” Sam suggested.

“Nah, Steve isn’t going to know who Yoda is.  That’s a must if we do Star Wars.” Tony said.

“Devils and Angels?” Wanda said.

“Not original,” Steve said.

“What about we just wear each other’s costumes?” Thor suggested.

“You really think you are gonna wear my wings?” Sam said, a hint of annoyance in his voice that made you and Bucky snicker.

“I don’t think any of you guys want to wear a leather catsuit,” Nat said.

“We could dress up as famous vines,” Shuri offered, smirking at you and Peter.  

The three of you quoted vines daily and the rest of the team never knew what you guys meant, which made it even more fun.  Eventually, Sam, Bucky and Clint started learning vines with you because they kept saying things which you guys followed up with vine references.  The frustration got to the three men and they started to learn with you, but they weren’t nearly as attentive as you, Shuri and Peter.

“What’s a vine?” Steve asked.

“Vine was a website created in 2012, officially released in 2013.  It was ultimately shut down in 2016.  Vine was a website where users would create short videos an-” Vision said.

“Vis, I don’t think they want a whole essay,” Wanda said, seeing the reactions of the other Avengers.  Sam had started to fake snore, Loki was muttering something to Peter about knifes, and Shuri was about to watch vines, from what you could tell.  

“It’s this app filled with people saying and doing stupid things for attention,” Nat sighed.

“IT IS NOT STUPID!  VINE WAS LEGENDARY!!”  Shuri shouted.

“YOU WOULD DO THINGS FOR THE VINE, YOU UNCULTURED SWINE!!” you shrieked.

“EDUCATE YO SELF!” Clint shouted, right in Natasha’s ear.  Doing that earned him a hard punch in the back of the head.

“Well I don’t have all day so we need something,” Tony groaned, hitting his expo marker against the whiteboard.

You and everyone else was trying to come up with ideas when all the sudden, quiet Peter Parker, who was pretty much the baby of the tower, spoke up.

“Mr. Frost Giant, God sir?” Peter asked.

“Loki,” Loki sighed, pleasantly shocked.

“So, you have ice powers right?” Peter continued.

“Yes, I am an ice giant,” Loki said.

“You should be Elsa for Halloween,” Peter gasped.

Then, out of nowhere, Clint jumped up, looking like he had 5 monster energy drinks and 10 packs of warheads.

“I’LL BE MERIDA!!!” he screamed.

“I must assume that I am going to portray Elsa then,” Thor said, with a smile on his face.

“So...we are doing Disney princesses?” Tony asked, slightly confused.

“Looks like it,” Bucky said.

“Who the fuck am I gonna be?” Shuri asked.

“Language.” Steve said.

You and Shuri looked at each other for a moment and with a slight nod of your head, you were both in a song.

“FUCK SHIT PUSSY ASS!!!” you and Shuri sang.

“MOTHERFUC-” Peter started to continue, but Tony just slapped his hand over Peter’s mouth.  Tony swore that Peter wasn’t like a son to him, but this didn’t help his situation.

Steve was turning ad red as a tomato in his seat, not being able to process all the dirty words that escaped yours and Shuri’s mouths.

“Ok, who are all the Disney Princesses?” Tony asked, frustration in his voice as he looked down at Peter.  Tony gave him a look, one that said “Stop this shit or you get your suit taken away for two weeks” and once Peter nodded his head slightly, Tony removed his hand.

Vision started to list a bunch of them off, even some of the ones that aren’t considered princesses, like Megara, Alice and Jane.  Once Tony had a list of all the princesses, he started to write of all the avengers, making lines to match them up with their character.  

“Ok, who wants to find their Disney princess counterpart first?” Tony asked.

“Me, I already asked before,” Shuri said rolling her eyes.

“Well I mean you already are a princess.” you said.

“Oh,” Shuri said. “I don’t have to dress up then.  Haha.  You can cross my name off, Tony.”

Tony sighed and rolled his eyes, while taking her name off.

“Next?” he sighed.

“What about me?” Steve asked.

“Oh this is gonna be interesting.” Sam grinned.

“Snow White.” Bucky said, without even hesitating.

“Wait why?” you asked.

“Ohhhhh, I think I see why,” Wanda smirked.

“Continue Barnes,” Natasha said.

“First of all, Snow White was the very first princess to come out.  She came out in the thirties or forties.  She’s the oldest.  Steve was the first avenger and he is the oldest.”  Bucky said.

“Bucky, you are a couple months older than me.” Steve countered.

“Second,” Bucky continued, ignoring his friend completely.  “She is like the most gullible and is surrounded by followers.  Snow White was like living with seven dwarfs.  And she was underage and just lived with them. Steve here, was the leader of the Howling Commandos.  And I was in that group, so I had to endure him and his stupid ass decisions, but I couldn’t elect to ignore it.”

“That’s offensive,” Steve said.

“That's the point,” Bucky said.  

“Ok so Steve is Snow White.”  Tony declared, making a line between Snow White and Steve on the whiteboard.  “NEXTT!”

“Me,” said the super secret Russian spy.

“Hmm..” you thought.

“Megara,” said Clint.

“Oh that's a good one,” Sam agreed.

“Who is Megara?” Steve asked.

“She is an attractive Greek lady that Hercules, the son of Zeus, who is the King of the Greek Gods, falls in love with.” Thor explained.

“Thor, how do you of all people know that?” Shuri asked.  “Shouldn’t Vision know all of these things?”

“M’lady, I am formally educated in Disney movies by the request of Peter Parker, also known as ‘The One and Only Friendly Neighborhood Spiderman’.” Thor explained.

“Kid, you make Thor, the God of Thunder, sit through Sleeping Beauty?” Tony asked, shocked.

“My dear man of Iron, Sleeping beauty was quite relaxing.  That Prince Philip, that amazing man, demonstrated quite intellectually advanced ways to use a sword.  Ways that I can use Storm-breaker effectively in battle.” Thor smiled.

Tony and Sam shared a look of disgust with a combination of interest and concern.

“Thor, I don’t think you can learn fighting tactics from a cart-” Vision started.

“I need to watch the movies again,” Clint and Bucky muttered under their breaths.

“No she should be Mulan,” Wanda said.  “Mulan is determined and strong.  Megara just messed with the God of Death.”

“I mess with death all the time,” Natasha countered.

“I should be Megara.” Bucky stated.

“Because you almost died?” Steve asked.

“Because your soul is dark and empty?” Sam asked.

“Yes and no.  My hair is long, not as long as her’s but I can make it work.  Hair extensions.  She plays with Hercules’ emotions.  She is also strong and independent.  Like me.” Bucky explained.

“That settles it.  Bucky is Megara and Natasha is Mulan.”  Tony said, making lines between the two avengers and their princesses.  

“nEXXttT!” Tony shouted.

“Me me me!” Wanda said happily.

“Yes Mr. Stark I would like to go as well.” Vision added.

“Wanda would make the perfect Moana.” Thor said.  “Moana and Wanda both demonstrate very strong emotions, which affect their abilities regarding their powers and limits and they care deeply about the people that mean the most to them.”

He nudged Loki in the shoulder to try to get him more involved in the meeting.  Loki was just throwing his knives up in the air, and Peter was getting very interested, and getting dangerously close to the God of Mischief.  Tony was eyeing the two of them very, very carefully.

“Yeah, yeah sure,” Loki sighed, just going along with Thor or the sake of it.

“Who would Vision be then?” Sam asked.

“He could be the dead grandma,” Clint suggested.

“Yeah, that one that turned into the manta ray.” Nat agreed.

“It’s settled.  Moana and Dead Grandma Ray.” Tony said, making the lines once again.  He had to add “dead grandma” to the board for Vision’s sake.

“NeXXXXXtttT!!” he shrieked.

“Tony, you should be Belle,” Natasha said.

“Yeah.  I mean, they both fall in love and save the people that mean the most to them, even if it means putting their own life at risk.” Steve agreed.

“And they are both really smart.” Peter added.

“Peter, you just had to say that and I would have been on board.  Now I had to listen to Steve and Natasha for a minute.” Tony groaned as he drew a line between his name and Belle’s.

“Thanks Tony,” Steve said sarcastically.

“Your welcome, Capsicle.” Tony gleamed back.

“Sam should be Cinderella.” Bucky said.

“OMG that works!!” Shuri exclaimed.

“Yeah..” Sam realized.  “I’m Cinderella ‘cause she broke, homie.”

“Yeah,” Steve said, smiling from ear to ear, looking back at Sam.

“She represent me, yooo,” Sam said.  Then he looked over at Steve and said, “Lemme borrow twenty dollas.”

By this point, Steve couldn’t hold in the laughter and almost fell out of his chair.  And Sam, being as he called it “Steve’s best friend, better than Bucky,” saved Steve from collapsing on to the floor.

“Steve is the cinder princess.  Deal with it.” Tony declared, adding another line.

“NeeXXttTTT!” Tony screamed.

“Now, all that’s left is Peter and Y/N,” Wanda said, eyeing you two.

“Peter should be Rapunzel.  Before they face the real world, they are both innocent, but then when they see what the world is really like, it changes them.” Thor said, analyzing the similarities between the princess and the superhero.

“Jesus Christ, why is Point break actually really on point?” Tony asked.

“My dear Stalk of corn, I am educated like I told you earlier.  Insect man has really helped me tap into my inner child and all of the pain my demon brother made me endure.” Thor said.

“Spiderman,” Peter mumbled.

“I take that as a complement.” Loki stated, out of the blue.

“Rapunzel is Parker.” Tony declared.

“Last but not least, Y/N.” Steve said.

Now, it took everyone a while to come up with a princess for you.  You didn’t fit the exact mold or looks of a certain princess, so it was definitely harder.

“What about Alice?” Sam said/

“Why the fuck would she be Alice?” Bucky asked.

“Because Alice in Wonderland is supposed to portray the effects of drugs.” Sam explained.

“So your saying that I act like a drug addict?” you asked.

“NO!” Sam shouted.

“Sam, drop it before you dig your own grave.” Steve said.

“What about Jasmine?” offered Wanda.  “You have a very free spirit like her, and she’s your favorite princess.”

“Yeah sure, that sounds fine.” you agreed.

“Y/N is Jasmine!  dOOONNEe!” Tony shouted with relief.

“WAIT I CHANGED MY MIND!” Shuri shrieked.  “I WANNA BE A PRINCESS.  I WANNA BE TIANA SHE IS AN ABSOLUTE BADASS!”

“FINE!” Tony shouted back.  “NOW WE ARE DONE.  EVERYONE HAPPY?”

Everyone in the room, not wanting to disagree with a hot-headed Tony, looked around at each other and slowly nodded their heads.

“Great!” Tony smiled, a complete change in moods.  “Tomorrow we are going to Party City to get our costumes.  Everyone in this room has to come so we can get the wigs and dresses and makeup.  No skipping out.  That includes you Clint, Bucky and Loki.”

The three men who were called out rolled their heads and sighed.  But they agreed to go.  To Tony’s happiness.

“Great.  Meeting finished.  Pepper wants me for something.  Probably for the party.  Nobody try to call me or you will be met with an ear rape of AC/DC.” Tony said, putting on his glasses and promptly leaving the room in Stark fashion.  Everyone eventually left the room, you being lost in your thoughts.  

“You coming, doll?” Bucky asked, seeing you were still sitting in the room.

“Ya, I’ll be out in a second.” you said.  

“Alright, you, me and Clint are doing a Disney marathon for fighting tactics.  Don’t be late or you because we are gonna eat all the food.  I don’t wanna hear you complain.” Bucky said, walking out the door with a lazy drag of his legs.

Now, relief filled your body.  Now you wouldn’t have to hear arguing about costumes!  And they actually agreed to costumes, shockingly.  Now you just couldn’t wait to go to Party City and endure all the chaos.  And then, you left the room to watch Disney movies again, for fighting tactics.  

Oh, the chaos that awaits.  

[asexualzoro]

First love late spring mitski

Drew Barrymore sza

21 Gracie

Desde morro justin

Addicted one true god

Run run run maki

Hard knock days generations

Let the world be destroyed yoga lin

Into the sun Johnny 2 phones

Resurrection gank

Freaks surf curse

Sun goes down Lil Nas x

Ring ding dong/ view shinEE

Hello future / fireflies nct dream

Chosen maneskin

Ithna yuu miyashita

Flowers in love with a ghost

im putting this under a cut bc it ended up long

here's my playlist on spotify if you want it? ive been maintaining it since middle school, usually adding ~5 songs a week (and cutting down on songs periodically). songs added this week start at Smoke Breaks by Daddy and the Long Legs

i did call a bunch of songs mobile/smooth in my notes here so i hope that other ask made sense to you, anon...

First Love / Late Spring - mitski

okay yeah i liked this one. im gay of course i liked the mitski song. ill probs look up the lyrics to this later bc i have a suspicion when i do they’ll probably obliterate me. i added it to my playlist

Drew Barrymore - SZA

its a nice song! i’m not big on innuendo lyrics, admittedly, but i did like the sound of the song. relaxing

21 - Gracie Abrams

there were three versions of this song on spotify? i just picked the first one. it was nice! i think ill check it out again and see if i wanna add it to my playlist

Desde Morro - Justin Morales

i liked this! i think if i was able to sing along id be more into this, but i don’t know any spanish.

Addicted - One True God

this was cool! i dont know what instrument you’d call the back instrument (was it a synth?) but i liked it

RUN! RUN! RUN! - Maki Otsuki

this song sounded nice but it was too smooth for me, so it bored me a little. i didnt dislike it tho, just not quite my taste

Hard Knock Days - GENERATIONS from EXILE TRIBE

this is a One Piece opening isn’t it? im not familiar w like any One Piece openings from after i caught up but im p sure it is, if only bc one time at fencing the girl in charge of music put this on and came over to me all proud like hey lew! hear that! and i was like ….huh? and she was like ……..its One Piece. you like One Piece. and i had to be like sorry im manga only i dont know any openings from the past decade.

anyway! its a fun song. a little too smooth for me tho

Let the world be destroyed yoga lin

i couldn’t find this on spotify and searching for it brought up a playlist for d/smp

Into The Sun - Johnny 2 Phones

i really liked this! i added to to my playlist. it was just nice. i was writing the other ask while this song played so i dont have detailed notes i just realized as it was ending that i liked it

Resurrection - GANK

i liked this and i added it to my mostly-no-words playlist! its a smaller playlist i mostly use when im reading dense/difficult stuff that i rarely am able to find good stuff for (its mostly kirby and toby fox rn)

Freaks - Surf Curse

its nice! the lack of variation in the instrumental stuff bored me a little (too smooth) so i ended up hoping to the next song halfway in, but i liked the song well enough

Sun Goes Down - Lil Nas X

i really liked this!!! its like chill but really nice. i might add it to my playlist but i haven’t decided yet

Ring Ding Dong - SHINee

the ring ding ding bit reminded me slightly too much of what did the fox say for me to fully enjoy this song but it was fun. i was bouncing a bit to it the whole time

Hello Future - NCT Dream

i liked the chorus of this song a lot! i liked the way the song crested into the first chorus especially. i wish i knew the words so i could sing along!

Chosen - Maneskin

oh this is really nice i liked this a lot and i added it to my playlist. i liked his voice! it was a little scratchy and i enjoyed that

Ithna - Yuu Miyashita

i added this to my playlist like instantly. felt like motion. sounded slightly discordant in a way that was almost unnoticeable… oh i loved the piano parts where the one key would sound almost like it was sliding/glitching? did lots of different things instrumentally so it really felt like it was jumping all over the room. really nice voice. i loved this a lot, might be my favorite on this list?

Flowers - In Love With a Ghost

love the band name. i might add this to my mostly-no-words playlist but i dont like rain sounds that much? (i know i know that’s blasphemy but eh…) and this was full of em. it was pretty nice tho. got that lo-fi charm…. ill probably try it again later

[queencryo]

IM WATCHING THE SEASON FNALE OF GREYS ANATOMY SIX

if u want a preview of what watching tv with me is like

THERES NO ATRENDINGS SO CRISTINA IS GONNA DO THE SURGERY OH JEEEEEEZ

THERES AN ACTIVE FUCKING SHOOTER BABY

yes thus reminds me of ss13 im cool as shit

OH MY GID

OH MY GID

DID LEXI DYE HER HAIR BLONDE JUST TO SET UP BALD GUY GOING OH FUCK... IZZIE............. DONT LEAVE ME PLEASE IM SORRY.... AS HES BLEEDING OUT

ALSO MEREDITH AND DEREK'S NEW HOUSE GONNA HAVE A ROOM FOR CRISTINA? THATS SO RUCKING GAY

MEREDITH AND CRISTINA ARE SO GAY

ALSO IM BIG PISSY THEY KILLED OFF REED. SHE WAS THE BEST EVER. MOSTLY I SAY THIS BECAUSE SHE WAS CUTE AND SHE HAD SHORT HAIR. VEFY COOL YOUNG WOMAN. DEAD!

AUGH

OH NO THE BIG DUDE

HES BONED. BAIKEY AND THIS PANICKED PATIENT WITH THIS BIG UDE. NOTHING BUT GAUZE. ANAJANA HES SO FUCKED. bailey stop freaking your shit stop it! its time to be serene... and piwerful...

xr bailey has a really unpleasant habit of cracking under pressure. just. irs constant. beating the fuck out of the greys anatomy writers for making a worf out of dr bailey

oh my godtheyre seriouslu killing off halc of the new residents. and a third is obviouslh going to get fired or something.

this is bullshit. i mean avery is awesome. hes a cool dude and i love love his voice and he was in detroit become human! but big dude is sweet and i like his voice more basically...

hoo boy

OH MY GOD HOW DID THE SHOOTER GET IN THE OR

HOW THE FUCK

DOES THIS BITCH TELEPORT? IS THAY WHAY THIS IS? THESE WHORES

CRISTINA TEARFULLY DOING SURGERY QHILE A GUN IS TO HER HEAD OH MU FUCKING GOD AAAAAAAAA

god i miss watching tv wkth people... aaa i love watching tb with people! i love yelling about shows its sooooo fun....

instead i gotta just dm allll my friends it sucks ::c

OH MY GID KH MY GID COCJIX OOOHHH MY GOD OH MY GID

DR HUNT. WAS LIKE OJ HEY. NAH XRISTINA LOOKS PRETTY GOOD! ILL JUST GO IN AND TAKE A LOOK SEE

HE WAS LOOKING AT MR BITCH POINT A GUN AT CRISTINA AZJJXZJJAJSJXNCIENSNXBCJ

OH WHAT A COOL MOTHERFUCKER I LOVE THAT CHILL UNDER PRESSURE BABE

WOULD SOMEONE BULLRUSH THIS BITCH ALREADY WHAY THE FUCK HES LIKE SEVENT oh cool hunt di oh hes dead okay

OH THE FUCKING FAKEOUT I LOVE JT I LOVE IT I LOVE IT I LOVE IT I LOVE IT I LOVE IT I LOVE IT I LOVE JT I KOVE IT I LOVE IT I LOVE IT I LOVE IT AVERY YOU FUNNY LITTLE MAN AHAHAJJXIDKAODNCKNFCNXJSJ AAAAAAAAAAAAAA

'IM TRYING TO SABE YOUR GUY NOW PLWASE SAVE MINE' FUCK YEAH CRISTINA UR THE COOLEST I LOVE YOU WISH U WERE ALLOWED TO BE GAY BY THIS SHOW WHICH U SO CLEARLY ARE BUT I DO LOVE YOU

bailey sadly watching percy die, with a patient, oh my god im going tl fucking cry. no bailey ur not a coward literally tell a man with a gun whateber you need to do to make him not sboot you thays man wigh a gun one oh fucking one. oh god charles just tearfully saying he loves a woman he DOESNT EVEN KNOW IS DEAD AAAAA

skvcidjskCJDJSIN IM STILL ON ABERY OH MY GOOOOOOOOD HE FUCKING GOD HE FUCKING UNDID SHEPHERDS HEART MONITOR IM CRYING AND SCREAMING

KXJCJDNWJSNIXJCKSMAKMXNFKEJSNNXJXJXJXJDHSMSHDYZJMDJSJSNDJD GREY CASUALLY STATING SJES HAVING A MISCARRIAGE

Oh greay job dr webber just wander on into the hosptial for no reason

god this gunman is such a stupif whore i haye him. hes such a slut. oh im judt gonna appear outta nowhere fot no reason

'i was only really plannin to shoot three specific people' doesnt work well with 'i stuffed as much ammo into my coay as i could fit' you stupif asshole

stupid prick

¬‘KXM8''66@8@6)%=++5"THATD REALLY THE DILEMNA ISNT IT

WHEN UVE ONLY GOT ONE GIY LEFT TO KILL. AND YOU ALSO WANT TO KILL YORSELF. JUST OME BULLET. GOD AINT THAY JUDT THE WAY....

oh sebber this dude aint gomma see his wife again. this dude is goimg to immensely hell.

kxkdmskdjf RUB this dudes face in it webber fuckimg make him know how awesome your lifes been. GET him!!!!!!! fuck yez!!

1: the dichotomy of 'life in prison or an afterlife with your wife' is flawed because a. this bitch aint goin to heaven or wherever his wife is. also webber is assuming this dude is christian (which. old white man who is emasculafed in rhe fqce of his wifes death and bought a gun and shot a bunch of ppl? okay. thays christian). b. hed die if he went to prison.... plus this djde would probs get death penalty. earlier we saw a dude get capital for killing like seven ppl. no way this dude wouldnt get it.

2. its flaedd bc mr clark could just. slit his wrists. cmon now webber stop being such a stupid slut

AAAAAA OF COURSE SHEPARD DIES IN SURGERY.

oh thank fuk he lesbians ar eback tovether. eben if their conflict was stuoif smf couldve easily been solved by not havig a desperate need for monogamy

oh???? shepherd living moments??? shepherd living moments??

kxckksiskdjccjjsjaijfidns OKAY THAT WAS A REALLY GOOD EPISODE ACTUALLY..................... monologue was stupif but NESIDES THAY

[neo-shitty]

toffee!

no dont apologise! i didnt check until just then so np :)

mmm yeah it is a bit trippy. hehe ITS TRUE THO. yeah sadly i think ur right, and tag blocking is probably a good idea. sometimes smut written well or not in excess is okay but goddamn when its abt 01 line and thats the whole fic... *silently blocks tags*

hehe i do that all the time lol this conversation is carrying on threads from a month ago :) mmm yeah ur probably right sadly, same. HA HE DIDNT HAVE A CHOICE and now i have someone to talk to abt them, so thats good! I KNOW felix was actually the one who got me into skz with his iconique gods menu line so i guess i have a soft spot for him. i always tell myself my bias is chan but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ guess im more whipped than id like to admit. mmm yeah that does make sense dw i hope they do that as well. YES king seungmin hIMSELF. GODDAMNIT DONT GET ME STARTED ON MINHO IN GODS MENU I DIDNT EVEN KNOW HE WAS PART OF THE GROUP UNTIL I STARTED GETTING MORE INTO THEM. BITCH (affectionate) THE LINE DISTRIBUTION HAS BEEN UTTER DOG SHIT but *deep breath* its better now so were moving on adn hoping it stays that way. sis same but i may or may not have gone thru a rlly depressed phase and actively sought out the elimination episodes so i could actually force some tears out of my emotionless shell of a heart but what cna you do? lmaoo i feel that irl, binnie deserves more vocal lines. yesss channies accent is rlly prominent then, i think also the way he structures his phrasing? is more english speaking than korean? but yeah i totally get what ur saying. AJKSAL lmao

okay then! im excited for whenever it gets done! (maybe tag me?) ahh the cold shrivelled heart of a dark au writer beats again at the thought of torturing another poor characters very soul (/j) :(( yeah that would suck not being able to see them. ohhh ur on the other hemisphere to me! were just going into spring rn. mmm smth to look forward to! YES you put it into words. they rlly are pretty independent from the company (remember how jyp rejected that other dudes songs after like 3 seconds and then how he was apparently nervous to show the song hed written to chan cos chan was so good at writing hits ahhh sweet revenge) mmmYES we rlly need a mute and remove notifications button for our brains dont we?

YES CORRECT i totally agree. some people jsut dont give it a try, adn assume its bad cos its korean smh racist assholes. yes! im coming up to my 6 month anniv actually! sis sAME, i feel like theyre being tugged into appealing to the western american market and theyre not staying as true to their artistic flair as a group, especially with only writing english songs atm. *sigh* ah well, at least theyre bringing recognition to the kpop world. AHUH dead on, theyre going to be discarded pretty soon and then where will bp be? theyll prob go solo paths which is rlly sad but what can you do when the company is run by a prideful asshole? yg is not going to last much longer in the big four if they keep this up.

hehe you get it. oooh very cool! whos ur ult? (sorry if youve said this before) mmmm yeah good decision, i feel liek thats probably a wise decision. this is my first album release as a kpop stan (not counting mixtape oh) so i think ill get it for sentiments sake. yeah! im excited for the new music! mingi was the one who got me into them, but atm my bias is seonghwa followed by san, wooyoung and ateez but jonghos high notes man *swoon* he, yeah atm ive got jake, jay, nikki, jungwon and sunoo down so just trying to get the rest :) heh, yeah kard i rlly only got into cos of bm, ive seen him like interacting with a lot of idols and he seemed nice so i decided to check out the group. ikr gunshot man *another swoon*

no noe! i didnt know what it was until i got it lol. thx toffee ill try and take that to mind :) yeah lol im on a waiting list thats not going to be free until late september so hopefully i can hold on until then. hope ur okay, that sounds like it sucks, hope you can find someone. maybe ill just take you along on my phone and the therapist can get a two for one patient deal lmaooo. mmm, sorry no i havent mentioned it before, i dont rlly talk abt it much. uhhh basically hypermobility? if you google it, it doesnt seem bad, jsut joint flexibility but ive got the severe end of the stick, leaning towards ehlers danlos syndrome so thats fun. basically it just makes it hard for me to exercise, run, jump, stand or just walk for long periods of time and gives me a lot of joint and muscle pain so... thats fun! but obviously so many other people have it worse than me, so i try not to complain. normally in young people it will improve as they get older, but my doctor said bc its severe in me, its unlikely to get much better. but again, i dont have the worst lot in the bunch, so its all g.

oh its good that its not the bad type of rain, a light sprinkling can be relaxing sometimes. aww thx darl, the concern is appreciated but it went pretty well and i managed not to cough too much on stage or kill myself trying to run around to the other side of the stage in the pouring rain so thats good! oooh tea buddies! my dogs a labradoodle, but shes a bit more of a feral poodle lol not much labrador in her at all, unless its her relentless urge to hunt down every bird that has ever walked this earth smh :((( hopefully they can come back on soon, does uni have dances?

ahhh a mood if i ever heard one. hopefully things will get better for you soon, ik anxiety sucks ass. ooh thats always good! when its sunny here, its always melt ur thongs to the pavement hot so the nicely cool sunny days are a lovely change. hehe impatience is not so good for you, but good for us that get to see ur beautiful theme early. ahh no worries, itll come eventually hopefully. and if not, then just things that make you not anxious are good. it doesnt have to be black or white, sometimes gray is good. mmmmm sames i have midterms this week to catch up on and then two weeks of end of terms so thats fun! i hope u can overcome that a little, heres some channie to be ur motivation https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a8LWyNjzOww. hah! i hear that all the time, he seems to be everywhere. did you see that tiktok of hans slowed back door rap, i stg it sounded EXACTLY like namjoon, it kinda scared me. also teh beginning of another day, sounds so much like joon i swear.

that reminds me! idk ur biases! i feel like this should be smth i should know so please! feel free to elaborate!

ahh im glad, i was worried it is. mmm same, so no hard feelings if either of us misses a day or smth. ill start worrying if weeks/months have gone by, but if its just a little while thats more than fine. ill just picture you studiously completing notes and i wont worry lol

<3 w.a. 🐺

at some point i really think i'm going to start blocking accounts because blocking tags won't be enough. i saw ask tags the other day and it just made me want to bleach my eyeballs.

i could talk about god's menu felix for hours man. the teaser for god's menu that featured his part on the bridge made me look forward to the mv release. you: biases chan, also you: lixiesbabyhands. yes you are more whipped than you think. i can't believe orange haired minho was given NOTHING during that era but they kind of made up for it in the b-sides. i also hope it stays that way. the distribution for this era was pretty fair.

"torturing another poor character's soul" in all honesty, i used to live for this. 2017 me leading up to early 2020 wrote nothing but angst. i have another aussie friend on twt and tbh i'm still really (O.o) about the seasons! jyp should be terrified skz could easily take over that company. heck if skz grow old and start their own company, they'd probably do a great job at running it. PLEASE. i have issues on muting/notifications both mentally and in real life. sometimes, i just wish to disappear.

some people in my country are just disgusting tbh. not only racist but homophobic too. they label kpop as 'gay' and it DISGUSTS me. it's a problematic behavior/mindset people in my country need to fucking get rid of. anyway, HELP ME 6 MONTHS??? and i've been in this shit for like a decade eye. tbh, i’m not fond of kpop groups trying to appeal to the western audience :// it feels like they’re losing their identity in a way. yes recognition but at what cost? yg has my favorite groups but that’s one shitty company when it comes to promoting.

okay my ult! it’s haechan from nct but i consider chan an ult too. like a close second above my whopping list of kpop boys. oh yes! you should get the album just for like a keepsake? remembrance? how did mingi appeal to you? omg did you start getting interested in ateez back when he was still on hiatus? NOT YOU BIASING THE SAME PEOPLE I DID WHEN I FIRST STARTED STANNING. the infamous ateez thot-line. jongho is easily one of the best fourth gen vocalists out here, no one can change my mind :( good luck with memorizing the rest of enhypen! just in time for the comeback too. i hope i’ll get into kard soon but i’m pretty content (and a tad bit overwhelmed) with the amount of groups i stan right now.

please hold on though, feel free to vent here if you like. thanks for the offer tho HAHA but like i’ll try to get checked here too when the cases die down a bit. i’m sorry to hear about your condition though :( please don’t ever overwork yourself to the point that your joints/muscles would ache. it’s completely valid to complain about it tho. i get that you have others in mind but keeping that mindset really doesn’t do you (like you internally) any better? so if you need to, vent your frustrations out and don’t keep it in.

oh my god, about your performance last sunday. was the stage out in the open? glad you didn’t cough too much and did well on your concert. i’m proud of you! i can never understand dogs and poor birds T_T uni doesn’t have dances unfortunately. i think there’s just one party at the end like a graduation ball. what year are you in anyway? if it’s something that you’re fine with sharing. if not, it’s cool.

good luck with your exams! and thanks for the link! AHA what a cutie. i think he does this motivation thing once in a while during his lives and it’s just comforting. yeah joon and han my irl just freaked when we made that discovery. ult crumbs for her. oh god not me forgetting about every biases when you asked. you can ask for my biases in a few groups just list down the one’s you’re interested in knowing. 

i missed yesterday because i was grinding and finishing what if we stay + school work. finally did it today. i’m sure i’ll reply in like a day or two, definitely not a month unless i state otherwise. if i ever decide to abandon this blog, i’ll let you know.

[bibbleboo]

Could we get some headcanons/more background on Abbey and Doyle’s kids? 🥺👉👈 I love the premise of this AU

YEEEEE (im just gonna ramble a bunch about the backstory i have so far but ill put it in bullets so its easier to follow lol i apologize for it being long as fuck-)

OKAY SO,,, first of all,,, doyle and abbey timeline,,,, [i am looking respectfully]

in this au, they get back together and have a sort of ‘lovers pretending to be enemies’ chaotic on again/off again hookup thing off to the side just between the two of them thru like Most of the final season, they try to keep it a secret (especially doyle who doubts the saturdays would be hAPPY if he was seeing her again) but in the end, saturdays ofc find out, probably are unsure about it at first, but she gains enough of their trust to be there for the big finale battle in the weird world mansion.

when shit goes down and argost becomes the vessel for the two opposing kurs (regular kur, and the anti kur from zak monday) and they like. explode his matter or w/e, i imagine instead of kur just completely disappearing, the ‘anti kur’ gets shot back to its universe, while original kur gets forced into a new vessel in this universe... the closest of which happens to be the unborn child abbeys unknowingly carrying. basically, what if the two kurs just LOOKED like they evaporated but actually did what happens when you try to like tape two same sides of a magnets together and they YEETED-

So thats how we have Parker, their firstborn daughter! and this... also implies ‘Parker Monday’ exists which. 8^) i havent thought about yet so forgive me on that but hoo, 

they dont know parker is kur, they got no idea and rly just assume kur is gone for good. but after they find out abbeys pregnant (which is a huge emotional trip for both of them in its own right) they do eventually sort of agree they dont want their kid exposed to that whole world of mystery. like, ik its a vital thing to the whole family, and ik these two people were probably voted least likely to ‘settle down’ in high school, but i cant imagine they didnt escape the kur/zak situation without a LOT of trauma, so while the saturdays stay in the cryptozoology field, doyle and abbey slowly pull away from the mystery and mercenary stuff, and also instead of going for big dollar lifestyle settle with ‘independently wealthy’ parenting.

also, neither of them really . grasp the concept that theyve even started a family, and are ‘together’, and that this is REAL, until around when she gets pregnant with their second daughter, Kendall. and then theyre like. oh nooo wait are we actually like boyfriend and girlfriend EWW-

when kendall is born parker is 3, and the next like 10+ years are pretty smooth sailing. as far as what the kids know/see, they probably know the cryptids when theyre little but. (tw animal death sORRY TO BE DARK I JUST??????) idk,, how long komodo dragons live/how old komodo already is and i definitely dont know Anything about giant prehistoric birds and am not even sure if science knows that lifespan, so. im not sure how long they could really be in each others lives??? i almost imagine parker would have memories of them that she assumes she remembers wrong, like “oh yeah they used to have a lizard and a bird... my imaginative little kid brain thought they were a komodo dragon and a dinosaur”, and as for fisk im still working on it but i . actually kind of imagine he might have a much longer lifespan (since lemurians are like ancient or w/e? and also if hes by dna like a gorilla cat or w/e gorillas at least live long af) and also feel like once he got older and settled down a bit he might live somewhere in the woods, maybe even his old tree? and the saturdays see him ALL the time obviously, but hey zaks gotta go to college eventually, a gorilla cats gotta eat bugs in forest, we all have to grow up and leave the nest sometime,

so idk the last time parker has actually seen fisk and she might assume he was an imaginary friend or smth but, 1. if i do write a fic they absolutely have to meet again, 2. overall the vibe is they know the saturdays are cryptozoologists, like, the same way josh gates does destination truth, seeking answers and studying, they dont really. know that theyre REAL. to them its like, a hypothetical science. (this is also part of why they dont realize parker is kur, she isnt around cryptids and therefore whenever her powers would actually show up they wouldnt be recognized) anyways parker isnt embarrassed or put off by it but just thinks its a little wacky, meanwhile kendall is obsessed with the world of mystery/paranormal/cryptic lol

speaking of the girls personalities;;;

parker is like. not really normie/preppy, even if she seems it at first glance, shes nice and has a good head on her shoulders but also is a teenage girl (inherently unhinged) and shes THEIR teenage girl (+5 feral) so despite her success and charm shes also very witty/crass when she wants to be, and deep down shes closer to the kind of person that would on pure inexplicable instinct put something random in your mouth when you’re yawning so you bite down on it afterwards. or like. that video of the girl singing in the bathroom while her friends curl their hair and she grabs the curler to use as a microphone before realizing its burning hot??? shes. the voice of reason, but the voice is usually shrieking in fear, making a cursed joke, or half the time whatever shes saying is actually smart. she kinda wants to go to college and travel, but struggles with indecisiveness and anxiety, so she has no idea where to go, what to major in, etc. and is again kinda just livin thru the typical teen life in that regard

kendall on the other hand is like. weird kid culture, the kind of kid that believes they are secretly a new supernatural creature each year (mermaid phase, werewolf phase, alien phase, etc), probably completely accidentally starts cults or witch covens at school (didnt realize teaching peers how to become ‘blood brothers’ and ‘make potions’ from puddles and stolen school supplies would be taken so seriously by parents) , very into emo/scene/punk/alt culture but not rly in an overtly dark/edgy way, more of a having fun and expressing self way. she wants answers for everything, really loves mysteries and being open minded, and definitely a rebel/adventurer at heart, even if she gets naive or in over her head sometimes.

the girls get along well! parker is not dismissive of kendall she just. isnt really into the same stuff/is more freaked out by it most of the time, but she would tag along on certain adventures, especially if it was to keep her safe. and kendall definitely directs gentle mockery towards parker a lot but does see her as a good role model and guiding figure, their bond is really strong!

other details !

doyle and abbey prob decide to say fuck it and get married after kendall is born, they probably have a few rough patches but nothing is more important to them than the kids now and in the end they understand each other better than anyone else so . canon tension idk her! family ftw! power couple! they intimidate the teacher during parent teacher conferences together hand in shady little hand !

their parenting style is exactly what one would imagine, 70% fun and sass and controlled chaos where theyre the bigger children than their children, 15% ‘this is how you hack the government and dual wield swords-- i was not supposed to teach you that im sorry’, and 15% actual guidance / emotional depth / etc. flaws might be overcoming their own immaturity for the first few years, and then being lowkey overly protective (while claiming they arent, but just bc you semi jokingly tell parker she should join the football team doesnt mean you dont actually hide 60% of ur life from her and check that her bedroom windows are locked every night and have 24 people listed in her school emergency contacts and used to cut up her food till she was 7 and-)

so abouT THE BABY BOY (Phoenix), 1. his middle name is leonidas bc im gay and i love emotional turmoil babes , 2. fully unironically the idea behind such a late pregnancy is abbey would be mid fourties when hes born right. so like. [has two kids] ‘ok birth control time’ [when theyre teens many years later] ‘ok im old enough to stop taking this’ [the hyperfertility curse that plagues many women rears its ugly head with one last hoo-rah]

and finALLY a very quick elevator pitch of what id write an actual fic to focus on;;; kendall sneaks into the attic to look for old shit bc they BOTH know their parents have been hiding stuff over the years, she finds things like a cryptopedia (now offline), the claw, maybe even a piece of the kur stone, and ropes parker into the long haul of figuring out what all this stuff is. and ofc the second they ever find the naga relic and parker comes face to face with it, [rest in rip] time for mom and dad to find out and all this kur shit to start ALL over again-

[taonsil]

mmm I locked my twt last night to say most of this but I feel better about saying it here now, though it’s prob still a bit disorganised OTL

you probably wouldn’t anyway but please don t rb~ and ok this is literally a novel so you could prob see it that the twt version was..a draft lmao 

sometimes I really hate not having a more personal space to unload for fear of being called out (which I couldn’t deal with) and/or being misunderstood. or just the basic fear that people who once thought I was nice would turn on me, if I vented for one reason and it looked like another. since I lost a lot of confidence in myself I take it harder than I should if people unfollow after I’ve said something. fandom really really matters to me, it’s basically why I’m still around and the only Thing I really have. the environment has changed to be so unforgiving, quick to judge and morally absolute, it’s so overwhelming and scary at times to go against a polarised view. I can’t just tag Everything with ‘I’m mentally ill and probably not upset about what you think’, and I don’t like worrying about if I need to add some disclaimer or will need to list my whole history of nd issues and trauma every time I just wanna complain about something from a perspective different to the one currently in favour half the reason I got so exhausted over the past few days was just from constantly unpacking and dealing with my own feelings every time the issue came up, to the point that it didn’t even matter what was being said, just the subject started me off again. which of course isn’t rational behaviour, but, that’s what happens on garbage brain days. what started as two small issues I was frustrated about flared up into me eventually making myself sick obsessing over everything. I wanted to vent my own feelings on it, and I wanted to say something for all my quiet buddies out there who may feel the same and weren’t seeing anything reassuring, but instead I just got more and more worked up about it

(I’m saying this in general, not about any specific issue) I know so many nd people who are so great, but they silence themselves out of fear of how they’ll be perceived. it sucks but I do it too. it sucks that it’s hard to even be reassuring to each other out of fear of having to try and justify why you feel the illogical thing and why you’re offering comfort instead of reform. (and then it’s silly, because we’re all out here thinking we’re the only ones orz). it’s why ‘any nice/good person has this opinion’ movements generally stress me out. some are obviously unarguable true, yes. but sometimes people have complicated reasons, and they’re usually people who are already isolated and quiet/scared/guilty, just dealing with their own feelings or finding comfort in things. but because we’re predominantly an anxious, quiet bunch it’s never really allowed for or discussed fandom environment has changed, but back when it was more closed off it was full of people with issues and trauma and garbage brains who were seeking out some comfort. it still is, but in all of the easy access and the aggression and fighting, whatever the subject, no one ever thinks about that. people seem to assume everyone is just a gross bad person. people have issues that they don’t want to deal with or unpack publicly and fear makes them hide away and doubt their comforts. (this is a smaller example, but it surprised me how many people asked why I have issues with alcohol. I feel like there’s some pretty obvious reasons you could take a guess at? if you can’t even take a good guess at why someone may have an issue, that’s..kind of how we’ve ended up with such an extreme call out culture and so many people having to use their personal trauma to defend themselves). 

I’ve been in fandoms similar to this one for fifteen years. I’ve gone from being the confused anxious guilty teenager to finally finding words and explanations for the things I felt, and becoming someone who can help other people lost and trying to figure this stuff out. in the years I’ve had this account, that’s ended up being what I’ve /wanted/ to do. as well as enjoying the boys and the content itself, I’ve always been in fandoms for comfort and for a safe, happy space. I know from personal experience, friends, and all of the amazing people I’ve spoken to on here over years, that there are so many people out there who are constantly feeling like the only person who feels the way they do, or are worried they’re doing something wrong, or feel guilty/upset/worried about something they find comfort in. so many of you have reached out to me when I’ve felt brave enough to talk about things, letting me know you feel similarly even on issues I thought were probably only my own. due to limitations I have bc of my mental health I’m never going to be able to be active in my own local communities, so if the only way I can reach out to and help queer and nd kids is through fic and soft meta and trying to keep a quiet little safe spot then it matters so much to me. there are so many of you who’ve been too afraid to talk, or even have anons published, or really break my heart by having to /ask/ me if it’s alright for you to feel a certain way or find comfort in certain thing. I’m old and crusty and have enough time and knowledge to want to be able to help with these things and I wish I was braver, and that I could be more outspoken about things or let people know that they’re not being fair, or just feel comfortable talking in hope of someone who needs to see it seeing it. idk where I’m going with this now;; I just, really enjoy meeting new people and making friends through fandom, but in the end fandom has changed and it’s changed why I’m here. it just used to be purely for fun and creating content, but in the end I’m here to hype taozi and try to make people like me who may have found me feel a lil better about things, and I just hate that despite having words and little communities for things now it’s still rough and hard to deal with for a lot of us, and that despite so much love and support I still struggle a lot with thinking sharing things is helpful rather than annoying and feeling worthy of trying to do anything;;

[flyingcookierambles]

a ramble about my class scheduling issues bluh

so basically im a very very indecisive slow person. a ramble about college class scheduling and a hole that i dug myself into and then out of. somehow.

 my academic advisor at my college gave me some advice to take this intro to programming class so i could use databases and stuff bc i told her i want to do lab work. now, the problem is that this class was at the same time as my japanese class, which is a language that im super interested about learning (cuz im a weeb and brought light novels that i cant read to try an support the authors after reading the fan translations i just wanna get my moneys worth lol my family has friends in jpn and id just like to read their facebook posts lol). 

i asked my friends about it and my one friend, an accounting major, said that she will be taking the class too. my other friend, also an accounting major, said that she previously took it and that the teacher was really nice and knew what she was doing but wasn’t that good at explaining things. given my previous high school experience learning java (which this college class will teach), where my class was basically a bunch of dudes and i was this like shy freshman girl who didnt really know anyone + the teacher was an unhelpful and rude dudebro, i was like, hey ill take a well meaning nice female teacher any day.

at this point, i was also talking to my friends and other japanese class classmates about this problem, that i would have to give up the class i wanted. now, my advisor used to work at another nearby college that is highly regarded as a school for basically geniuses + it also had a japanese language class. and many more. because it is like 100% cooler than my school and also bigger.   

but anyways, my teacher said that she would ask her former coworkers about who teaches the japanese class so i could go there and take an assessment test and maybe cross register. so i was like cool and so i went and it turns out that of course the other college for basically geniuses had a different more vigorous curriculum so i wasnt like super good at the assessment. 

anyways i ended up like totally embarrassing myself in front of this dude. i could read some things + there was some furigana but i knew most of the kanji that came up in the sample text that the teacher of the other school had me read, but my class really didnt focus much on katakana so i looked like an idiot when trying to sound out the word festival. the teacher did tell me tho that my learning was strange (knowing kanji/previously took chinese for ~5 years, but didnt know the words to drive a car or katakana) so i was maybe between what their version of beginner 1 and beginner 2 was. now, i wasn’t exactly expecting to pass this test when i came in to his office but i was just really disappointed in myself i guess and embarrassed and stuff?

plus the big problem was that i kinda told most of my friends about this assessment meeting, including the teacher of my school’s intermediate class that i would have to give up. logically i would just tell them that i simply didnt pass and would have to give up the class to take the programming class. however, the programming class was full. all 40 seats. so i decided to hold onto my class schedule position in the language class but then i realized oh wait i told people about the programming class too...

so it’d be like awkward to show up to the language class when the school year starts and everyone is just like hey i thought you went to that programming class. and id be like it was full because i didnt immediately drop this class when i should have back in april because im an indecisive person.

i just kinda sat on it for the past three months of summer, hoping that when the school year starts i can just email the teacher and ask if she’s accepting one more person. honestly tho the seat limit is probs more about the amount of computers in the library computer lab but it wont hurt to try right? but also then it was july (now august) and i was like super hesitant to email this teacher because its summer and its been like three months since school ended. 

so i kinda resigned myself to my fate of having to go to school in late august and being like “yoooo im here bc im an idiot with 0 confidence to sign up for things.”

but then

yesterday i decided to just check the school site for the schedules and classes this upcoming year and i saw that the seat availability had gone from 40/40 to 39/40. i quickly signed up. im so glad now i dont have to look like an idiot when i go back! still kinda like totally bummed that i have to give up learning intermediate japanese tho. i want my $25 moneys worth of the books i brought lol

but also i guess its like totally a miracle that this happened. i guess someone decided to leave after hearing the teacher wasn’t good at explaining or that the class is a bit hard (ah i really volunteered for more suffering than usual huh).

i also wonder if i can take intermediate chinese twice since the people in the chinese beginner class were so interested that they decided to make intermediate chinese a thing againnn! basically during freshman year first semester i took intermediate chinese bc i took chinese in high school for 4 years. it was p fun and my older classmates were nice. altho the class empathized speaking more than in my high school class + the teacher was from taiwan and used traditional characters + my older classmates apparently went to taiwan during the summer together with the other chinese teacher. so it was a bit hard to compete with them. but my classmate said i was p good with recognizing hanzi so thats like the only thing im good at i guess lol. i still kinda want to improve my speaking altho honestly the 4 tones are kinda hard when youre like literally kinda deaf. (curse you genetics. curse you cochlea.) i feel tho that like having classmates this time that i 1) actually know 2) are actually my age and not college seniors 3) also are working on their tones bc they just got into chinese too would be i guess a bit more encouraging. also, its mai-laoshi! shes seems like super nice. the other teacher was actually from another school and i feel like she didnt like me as much since i couldnt speak very well.

hmm but like..really..taking the same class twice..i wonder if such a thing is ok?

not only that but also even if i do join the chinese class i would basically be learning the same thing over again (altho also i kinda forget it so maybe ill be on the same level as my classmates lol). but then like if next semester i dont have the same time conflicts then i would have to choose between taking intermediate chinese part 2 or intermediate japanese part 2 (the intermediate teacher said that if i self study to keep up with my classmates she’d let me in next semester (even tho im bad at self study i kinda want to try this lol)). aararhahofnagkhtirekagnhieoghoeoag hiaeohgieahgiah

what a dilemma.

[haeroniel-doliet]

i need more money to buy little art

honestly tho feeling like for that ideal goal existence i’ll try get to someday, i’ll needa be making proper money comfortable and good so i can spend all i like on society 6 and other to buy shirts and bags and just everything to a house all in different art prints (mostly florals) bc just those pictures are  like everything i want but just so expensive. i’m trying to sum down like 10 to stickers, bc i wanna do up my laptop, but dedicating to a single decal (thats like 25 ON SALE) is too much esp since i love so much. so ive kinda decided to get a hard cover for the laptop just in case i break it, and just in case i do break my laptop that i can keep the stickers on the hard case and dont lose them to replaced parts. idk seems smart. ill probs buy a kinda shady cover off of ebay for 5 or 6 pound and then spend 20 on stickers for it :] since theyre on sale till 8 am today and its 3 am im probs just gonna settle and order them. might order cover tomorrow w my dad bc i need trust assurance. hes not all on board on the stickers so im just gonna go for it. theyre gonna be like my post cards. i buy so many every place. and no. not trashy postcards. i want art. i have so many postcards of paintings in galleries and so many from comic con art valleys (guess who wants to get so much more and 100% will) i love original art the most when its pretty to me and like everyone who sees it. simples okay but i prefer soft and detailed. excited now i can go to con and also be looking for stickers bc maybe ill get a few cool ones that wont cost me as much as the society 6 ones do. and then my laptop can replicate my walls, displaying all the art ive loved that ive been able to take with me (bc theres so much i obviously dont have on my walls) anyway im looking at these and making some small bc i suddenly realise this laptops got realestate. and the saddest thing w stickers (literally why i had one of those waxy paged sticker books as a child) is that i cant dedicate stickers to a single spot. its so much dedication. what if i buy a bigger sticker and it wont fit? what if i get the perfect sticker for that spot and it wont fit? (over lap i guess) how can i be sure i put them in the right spots to start with? augh i dont really wanna cover just half of it and obviously leave space bc that puts pressure on finding stickers and i might get ones i dont love. i cant get sick of any one bc itll be there  (joy of having multiple mean theres less getting sick of anything). anyway i think im happy w the sizes of these 10 stickers and can work w them (also for now i think im just gonna be going around the edges and leaving the apple logo as it is, esp bc it glows and theres already this shitty old smiley face sticker from my old psych teacher and i kinda dont wanna get rid of it, i just wanna add things around it so it doesnt look so: clean (actually dirty) laptop that a child marked as their own) 

anyway society 6 has random discounts all the time which is p rad and maybe the day im ready to invest in my own living space and dont feel obliged to check w my parents about just about any purchase, i’ll then subscribe to something thatll tell me what discount is on. that in mind, i think i’ll only get the 9 now, that hopefully wont cost too much, and leave a bunch in my wishlist, bc there’ll be another discount (this is 20% off everything)  and maybe that’ll be like 50% off stickers and boy then when my collection is underway you bet ill go for it. and like maxx sticks on their sketch book, if i dedicate to a new book maybe ill get more for that and have a pretty thing to keep and reminisce over (tho knowing me, ill not use it much bc i have a need for pretty things to stay perfect and presentable, and i have a need for everything that i might show to others to be like near perfect otherwise its sucks and ill feel bad bc i dont wanna show it off to people. like my art book, sure i couldve made it all experimental and crap and then edited the real pages together on the computer. but no. i needed everypage to be presentable and pretty and handwritten and creative. and they must go page after page, its so awkward showing someone something and then going “oh wait now these few are empty sorry yeah heres the next page” so i baasically have  a book with mhmmm 20-26 pages of beautiful spreads that im quite proud of inside beautiful covers ( i knew id want to be presenting it for years to come) and the back pages are just...empty. and theyll probably stay that way bc i no longer have projects to be doing to fill them with. maybe one day ill grow into myself and grow out the fear of ruining what ive achieved and fill some with new projects to please myself and be an indepenednt artist not just a teacher pleaser. you know its like that with my work too, like it has to have a direction and a plan that will be achieved, and its terribly frustrating when that vision doesnt happen. but i think thats the same with everyone. 

anyway on a side note, dont you guys think its so fun and cool how ive not done my post labs that were due last friday? how every night ends up being 3-4 am until i go... mhmmmm yeah i guess nothing is happening. like i hope id bloom and do work at that 11pm-3am window and then i get here, suddenly having lost all track and sense of time and just sigh. its wasted, its basically tuesday already. have to keep telling myself dates bc it moves so weird. i planned on getting shit done two days ago. here we are regardless. and the most ill get done is get those stickers ordered bc that is i guess what ive been half focused on for mhmmm5 hrs. then ill save my 7 dollars or whatever, have stickers on the way, tomorrow order the case and thats one insignificant thing done. then the question will be have i looked at summer jobs? no of course not ive looked at ballet courses. shush. i havent showered for days bc theyve just slipped by too laying in bed, maybe tomorrow ill take a shower and pick up all the trash and tissues on the ground. maybe i will. i know i wont get real work done tonight, and already ill be sleepy till 1 pm and by then mom will be again on me abt sleeping to latesoo... yeah no point. and here i thought id make a quick totes relatable short post about how i need more money to buy stickers and maybe a brief my ideal life is to have enough money to spend on art being in every part of my life and all this  being unique so people love coming to my house and go wow its so original and cool. and that turned into a word vent thats so far taken me over half an hour. hi my batterys dying. 

lng story short, i’ll order the stickers currently in my basket after so much though, suck it up and do it and know that i have a bunch over in my wishlist for that next maybe even better sale when it happens. the only thing is im taking all the rest as transparent which for sure dulls them down (yeah white background looks sick but for some its just more classy w transparent, then theres this one bear i’m 100% naming wojtek thats in white bc i feel it’ll be best for him, and i guess having him in white will set that theres no clear rules to follow and worst case if it doesnt fit he can come chill on the keyboard side next to my mouse pad thing) honestly i cant tell if i should be getting them all in white and just hope that theyll look gorgeous no matter what. yikes 3 dollar shipping for stickers, ok itll actually be 19.62 pound and using euro card 22.50 in  euros.... am i dumb? maybe. and tho im supposed to be saving money up so i have some, i also did get birthday money sorta recently soo... birthday gift from them. first set of stickers. deep breaths ok. my parents told me when i bugged them that i just have to make a decision and not ask them all the time, and he said to get 3 stickers i told him id pick 12 so i think getting 9 is reasonable. also oh shit realising that the delivery time is 1-3 weeks and im staying here only 1 and a half more so i should really order it to scotland even tho it might get ther ebefore i do bc my parents might not rly want to send them up to me. idk ok order to scotland, thank f at least one of my flat mates is staying and tbh i should really bring her some chocolate... shes done me faavours. 

[survivor-hosts]

Ep. #7: “C’mon Rat, Follow the Cheese” - Jessy

The tribes merged and all of the pre-mergers were added to the merge tribe as the Karma Island twist was revealed.  The players started campaigning to get back in and Cat, Austin, and Drew chose to drop out and become voters.  After a whole day of scrambling and a messy voting situation, Connor was voted back into the game.  The tribe was given their first immunity challenge and Matt was able to solve it and win immunity quite quickly.  After no one talked the day before the vote, the players started scrambling last minute with one side trying to decide whether to vote off Sam or MJ while the opposing side was trying to decide between Allison or Connor.  In the end, MJ and Sam's alliance threw their votes on Andrew to thwart any posisble idol play.  Sam also used her vote negator to cancel Allison's vote for MJ.  Andrew was sent home in a 5-4 vote.

HAHAHAHAHA so it's 9:58 and I should go to tribal and I was on call with Connah and then Lydia and MJ called and added Connah and MJ told me I might be getting votes so I might be getting voted out idk adios fuck this shit!

Can't wait to be seventh boot

[12:51:33 PM] mj ultra . _/: bih wtf. [12:51:39 PM] connah. i guess.: I didn't do anything. [12:51:40 PM] mj ultra . _/: oh you really wanna fight me tonight huh yes bitch i do. yes we are in a partnership but i'm not your bitch. i'm not gonna sit here and do everything you want but it's fine because people will hopefully see you as a bigger threat so if they gonna try take one of us out... can't say i'm too sorry about it. his ass wants to sit here and vote lydia back when we literally just voted her out? i see where he's coming from because we might be able to use lydia tbh but he's literally shutting down any ideas i had so i'm kinda angry rn.

mj's gameplay has really rubbed off on me... my ass just blindsided lydia and now i'm really down for voting her back in? i had my fun pre-merge but now it's time to really get this shit going

http://prntscr.com/fn4qxy http://prntscr.com/fn4r1v At first I thought Connor would have the highest chance of returning but after hearing a few things I think REGAN has the best shot??? When and how did that happen?

Hmmmmm I'm feeling really weird in this tribe. It's as if I don't belong.....That's the vibe I'm getting. Whatever. I'm sticking to my strategy of not talking to people. Hey it worked TWICE and got me to the end twice. It works. People come to me with information at once. I hope I can pull it off again.

so like I mighta just made a chat with myself Scott jessy Allison josh and Connor to save Connor bc David was a bust. Highkey still don't trust Scott and sam Matt mj and connah are trying for Lydia and I'm like no fuck off? When the phone battery goes down my chaotic gameplay goes up. Like idc whomstve is gonna be pissed i am GETTING Connor in this game. Drew and cat should have sacrificed themselves for him too so here's to fucking hoping. If Lydia comes in I'm dead straight up gay up!

push me to the edge i wish i was dead why is scott a snake scott u little snake push me to the edge i wish i was dead lydia im the wrong connor please stop making my life harder push me to the edge mask off, task off back off, mask off i dont really care that im crying but i really care that youre lying edge dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun mask off, task off

i have lost all my motivation. i am a shell of a man i used to be

i am fucked. if i somehow get out of this mess i got myself into it would be a miracle.

Okay it's time for my second confessional because it's getting really hard dealing with these people and I need to vent. Like I really cannot.

After the Lydia vote off succeeded I tried to do major damage control with Matt and Scott. They both seemed to understand but I know they don't trust me anymore. Iit's not like they even realistically did. Maybe Matt did, but his reaction really shows his game. Scott seems to think he can snake his way around the two alliances but I'll bring up that later in this confessional. Anyways, it's announced that Karma Island is in play and immediately I'm worried. I fell into a position where I had to lead on Connor, David and Regan all at once because I legitimately had no idea who I wanted to return. I received information from Scott that MJ was on call with Sam and Lydia. They were

[4:26:26 AM] Jessy: i have some tea ladies! [4:27:05 AM] Jessy: So Scott is playing both sides. [4:27:09 AM] Jessy: and MJ/Connah/Josh are too. [4:27:21 AM] Jessy: MJ wants me to stay so he can use me for next tribal to get Sam out.. [4:27:26 AM] Jessy: But sis he has another thing coming. [4:29:43 AM] Jessy: sam acts like a 4 year old [4:29:47 AM] Jessy: "jessy probs just wants all of us on jury bc we're the ppl who knew her pregame so we'd give her our jury votes" [4:29:52 AM] Jessy: she said this [4:29:57 AM] Jessy: like no i want u on prejury [4:29:58 AM] Jessy: zzksjksksks [4:42:41 AM] Jessy: mj and connah rlly think they're so smart huh [4:42:42 AM] Jessy: like ur not. [4:42:42 AM] Jessy: BKLMASDFMKLDSMKLA [4:42:46 AM] Jessy: i literally know what ur doing [4:43:03 AM] Jessy: this is ur mo mj... [4:43:05 AM] Jessy: ur forcing myself into a situation where i have to go w/ him b/c my numbers are cut. [4:44:25 AM] Jessy: Like I know he's pitting me against Samatthew by telling me this information [4:44:29 AM] Jessy: But like.. [4:44:37 AM] Jessy: Damn they're literally Spencer and Tasha [4:52:02 AM] Jessy: I'm reading their games to filth. [8:18:39 AM] Jessy: me again [8:21:05 AM] Jessy: God why'd i tell connor i heard his name [8:21:06 AM] Jessy: LSJLSSKKSKS [9:52:09 AM] Jessy: SCOTT IS SUCH A FUCKING LIAR [9:59:32 AM] Jessy: time to get reads [9:59:35 AM] Jessy: and intel! [9:59:41 AM] Jessy: im legit gonna interrogate him idc [10:01:03 AM] Jessy: Nancy Drew who???? [10:01:16 AM] Jessy: im GETTING the dirt. [10:01:24 AM] Jessy: spill the beans! [10:01:50 AM] Jessy: seeing Scott is typing... answering my questions is so funny [10:01:57 AM] Jessy: Like ur nervous huh sis [10:03:32 AM] Jessy: does scott really think ill eat the bullshit hes putting out for me on a platter rn? [10:03:37 AM] Jessy: Like bitch what the fuck LAKSKSKKSKS [10:08:25 AM] Jessy: OK SCOTT IS LYING OUT OF HIS ASS [10:08:29 AM] Jessy: IM SICK OF IT [10:08:35 AM] Jessy: HOW DOES MJ KNOW U WERE HIGH THEN [10:08:44 AM] Jessy: LIKE UGH !!! [10:09:53 AM] Jessy: ok sam could've told mj! [10:09:57 AM] Jessy: interesting! [10:14:37 AM] Jessy: mj and scott together ? conspiracy theory ? [10:18:18 AM] Jessy: Oh yeah, I also found out last night that josh did vote for Lydia, but Connah switched his vote from Lydia to Connor and Trevor wouldn't allow him to change it back [10:18:26 AM] Jessy: i thought sam was being distant huh scott [10:20:12 AM] Jessy: There's holes in this scheme. [10:22:32 AM] Jessy: "Same" [10:22:34 AM] Jessy: keh [10:22:51 AM] Jessy: guess i'm done here. [10:23:51 AM] Trevor [Host of Hosts]: I'm samatthew [10:24:27 AM] Jessy: theyre literally spencer and tasha [10:24:32 AM] Jessy: mj is a cheap version of jeremy [10:26:00 AM] Trevor [Host of Hosts]: Who are you [10:26:45 AM] Jessy: i wanna say kelley but i don't wanna be cocky like matt

This is a recap on what happened before the Karma Vote. One reason is so that I can look back on it and the other is for Connor to read in the future. This is 100% what happened. Lydia made her pitch to me around noon yesterday and she had made valid points and I wouldn't mind her being back but my vote is locked to Connor at that point though I was still willing to listen to her so I can get info out of her. I messaged Connah a little later and he said he was going to vote Lydia back in so I had an inkling that something's up but shrugged it off because there's no way Lydia's coming back it's just not in the numbers. I went to bed and woke up at 6am with a bunch of messages and one of them was Lydia asking to call. I told her I only woke up randomly and was planning on sleeping a little bit more. I didn't know the vote was due at 8 and I woke up 30 minutes before the deadline. Jessy messaged me asking if MJ had come up to me and asked if Lydia's being voted back in and I said no because MJ and I haven't talked yet. A little while, Andrew messaged me asking who to vote and I said Connor and then I got added to the Saving Connor chat with Scott, Jessy, Allison and Connor. What surprised me the most is why Scott is there. I didn't understand. Next, MJ messaged me asking for my vote so that we can tie between Lydia and Connor. Now the thing is, I told them I would vote whatever they want to but my vote is locked to Connor unless they absolutely needed it because they're the two people I trusted the most in this game. And they really did need it. I went on call with Connor and told him that everyone's pulling my leg getting me to vote with them and then got on call with Connah making his case to me with Lydia and Lydia's on my pms making her case again and Scott and I were trying to figure out how we're going to go and mind you this is literally 5 minutes before the deadline and at that point everyone thought we could change votes. I was freaking out everyone was talking to me at the same time I felt very pressured that I just asked Scott to make a decision for me and he won't decide for me and Connah just started to tell me VOTE LYDIA VOTE LYDIA and without hesitation I changed. Now obviously that didn't fall through because Connor came back and he found out I changed my vote. Now he doesn't want to speak to me and probably burned my bridge with him and idk about the status of our friendship right now. I spilled so much critical information on Connor and if we went our separate ways and uses those against me then I'm fucked. I mentioned to Connor how I wanted to target Jessy because of how good she is and if that gets back to her than she's going to turn on me. My hope is that MJ, Sam, Scott, Connah and Matt form a 6 person alliance to get past this round. This game is taking a toll on me emotionally and I've been struggling to play since the first few days. I wasn't like this before. It isn't worth it. It's not worth it to lose a friendship over this. It's easy to say that you need to cut ties and turn the heart off but doing it for real is different. Connor, my explanation is probably something you did not want to hear and it's probably going to re-open wounds once this game is over because looking back on it now, the decision was stupid. It didn't have to be that way but I gave in because of pressure.

Honestly.... I just feel so defeated. I don't see myself really doing as great as I would have wanted to in this game, which is such a pessimistic way to think but its true. Like if I were to be going home tomorrow I wouldn't even care that I didn't make the jury. A lot just went down these past few days that made me realize why I retired in the first place. So to really go back, Lydia was blindsided. Not surprised that it happened cause I knew something fishy was going on, but surprised that out of everyone I was the most left out of the loop. Like no one bothered to tell me that the vote was getting split between Allison and Andrew. Like when Lydia left Jessy and Andrew had me on call and explained everything to me and why they did what they did. And like I'm really not mad at them for doing so. I think it was amazing on their part that they pulled it off. They told me how MJ and Connah were really wanting to get Lydia out, which caught me by surprise cause I thought they were really close. Afterwards, Sam gets me on call and is worried about what could happen in the future and who we have with us. And to my surprise, Matt Summers actually talked strategy with me for the first time. The story I got from them was that Jessy approached them and got them involved with voting Lydia. To make matters worse, we have to vote someone back into this game thanks to Karma Island. And I feel like this is gonna make things so much worse cause I'm starting to realize I only have myself in this game. Idk like in Maluku flipping was easy cause I had Maria and Mattica who I trusted more than anyone. I don't really trust anyone in this game, so it makes everything 10x worse. Connor talked to me and told me he doesn't hold that against me, and idk part of me really thinks if he IS going to come back, I need to vote him so I can prove to him that I can be someone he can actually work with later on. Especially with MJ/Connah/Sam/Matt being a sinking ship, I just feel like I need to find other resources when I need to. Plus the only person I trust in that group is Sam, and after hearing that MJ has wanted me out of this game for awhile now I don't see why I need to stick my neck out for them. That whole voting process was such a mess because I really didn't know what to do with all of that. Like I voted for Connor cause I was sure he was getting in, then Josh comes to me and says he didn't know what to do. Which like RIP cause I thought he already voted, and to make matter worse he told lydia and lydia went off on me in the pms. And like, the fact that this all went down when I was out with friends just made me realize that I'm too invested in this game and that I left for a reason. Idk the only reason why Connor is back is because Connah changed his vote and wasnt allowed to switch back. I'm just annoyed cause I'm really fucked in this game to the point of no return. And like Sam and them are trying to make sure I'm gonna vote with them but with Lydia out and the only person on that side i actually consider an ally being Sam, it just makes sense for me to go through with what I've been wanting to do for awhile and flip with Jessy and Andrew.

"fifth vote... lydia"

what the fuck is going on why is no one talking to me. fucking hell man, and then im gonna wake up again and have a shit ton of messages waiting for me when i check my phone. everything's happening at the very last minute in this game omg.

YALL TRIBAL IS  11 HOURS AWAY I DONT KNOW WHAT I'M GONNA DO AND IM GONNA BE ASLEEP IN 9 OF THOSE HOURS. FUCK IT.

you know how it'd be fun if i just go ghost the whole morning tomorrow lkfjskjdfhskjfs *deletes Skype*

OKA Y BUT S ERIOUSLY im sick and tired of waking up in the morning where a plan has already been made and i have no say in it. fuck it a guy needs his sleep its yalls fault for not making a plan during our off day ! btw if i get voted out tomorrow im gonna be salty af trevor why did you have to have the first merge boot not a jury member i dont want to miss out on JURY! !!!!!

everyone is getting on my god damn nerves TODAY !

On 25/06/2017, at 8:30 PM, connor wrote: > hi background music plays: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cpLU8BI02wQ

Okay so I just laid out all the info I got today. I talked to Scott this morning I said does he know for sure Sam has a vote negator or is it a hunch? He said it was a hunch and he doesn't really know, so I got sus. He was high last night so maybe he let it slip MJ told me that Scott was high last night so I wanted to find a way to vertify what he said about Scott/Sam/Matt/MJ/Connah being all on a group call [6/24/2017 10:09:30 AM] Jessy: did you tell anyone you were high LMAOOOOO i'd be so non functional if i was high and game talking [6/24/2017 10:09:40 AM] Scott: I mean I told sam It's possible that Scott is either lying about him telling Sam specifically, or Sam just told MJ that Scott was high and he happened to tell me this He said this when I asked him about the Sam call: [6/24/2017 9:51:38 AM] Jessy: did anything important come out of the sam call [6/24/2017 9:51:58 AM] Scott: Honestly it just made me realize that she doesn't trust me [6/24/2017 9:52:17 AM] Jessy: fuck! [6/24/2017 9:52:25 AM] Scott: She asked me what my relationship was with you [6/24/2017 9:53:05 AM] Scott: And if I actually trusted you cause you're known to be deceiving for "organizing the whole Lydia vote and misting MJ/Connah" [6/24/2017 9:53:48 AM] Jessy: :$ would be me if i actually did! [6/24/2017 9:54:07 AM] Jessy: r they voting me [6/24/2017 9:54:25 AM] Scott: I mean we never got around to actually talking about it [6/24/2017 9:54:32 AM] Jessy: oh okay [6/24/2017 9:54:39 AM] Jessy: who do you think she would go for [6/24/2017 9:55:32 AM] Scott: But I wouldn't be surprised if that's what they were wanting to do cause sam really just kept mentioning how I felt about you [6/24/2017 9:57:03 AM] Jessy: that's offputtig [6/24/2017 9:57:08 AM] Jessy: *offputting [6/24/2017 9:58:02 AM] Scott: Yeah, but it's just really clear that damage was done last night so I'm not even sure what's gonna be happening from here on out It made me think that I'm unsure if Scott is just lying about the call or if MJ is just trying to come up with a scenario for me to think is happening so I won't pull any moves. Then, I talked to MJ about the vote and he said that he was going to be on a road trip today so he's probably asleep by now. I talked to Connah about the game while MJ was online and while we were talking about the whole thing of us being on different sides, MJ pmed me. He said he pmed me because Connah sent him a funny quote about a joke I made. Then, I asked him if Connah sent him any game logs. The game logs were about us being on different sides in the Lydia/Connor returnee vote and then he kept on acting like he didn't know who was going to go because no one was talking to him. I asked him if Sam would be a vote he would want, and he said it depends if we have the numbers. He said I have to convince Allison+Andrew+Connor myself because he doesn't want to get himself involved in something controversial this tribal council after last round. I asked MJ about this, and he said Connah specifically said: "idk if I wanna stick with jessy or go with sam" "like I'm just confused" This made me paranoid, because I didn't know if Connah meant "stick with jessy" as a vote or "go with sam" as a vote. It's possible that MJ made it look like he meant regarding alliances and not a vote off, but it still made me paranoid. MJ then told me Connah went on call with Sam. MJ said he asked Connah what was going on and they were just talking about who they wanted to go. MJ said they both leaned towards Connor leaving. MJ then said Connah thought he should go with Sam (as in alliances). MJ said he would try to convince him to "string me along" next round and use me to vote Sam off. MJ then said if Sam convinced Connah to vote for me, he would try to convince him to go after Sam this round. MJ said he would prefer Connor to go now and Sam next round, but he's willing to consider it by starting it off with a conversation with Connah tomorrow. Our conversation ended, and I thought that I should try to message Sam in some way and let her know that I'm "flexible". I then said that people probably think we aren't together in the game and we could play that to our advantage. She said she was down if I was, but proceeding this she kept on saying she didn't know what she wanted to do and that "she has no power to throw out a name." This really annoyed me so I asked her who does and she said she doesn't know. Our conversation ended, but during it Connah messaged me asking me if I'm talking to anyone because it's really quiet. I was feeling a vibe that Sam told Connah she was talking to me, so I told him I was trying to resolve my issues with Sam. It got awkward so our conversation kinda died off. During all this, Andrew, Allison and Connor didn't have a lot to say about anything. Connor said he was at work all day and came back at 10 PM EDT and said sorry he was at work. I said it was okay then asked him if he talked to Josh recently. He never replied and then I asked him again an hour later and still received no reply. Now, Scott says he's back and is messaging my alliance chat with himself and Andrew. I haven't talked to Matt at all this vote. I said hey to Allison in pms but she never replied because I'm pretty sure she's been offline. I haven't talked to Josh either, but I have an opportunity to tonight because it's 2 PM for him in Phillippines.

Decisions, decisions.... I hate my position in this game as the "middle man" Anyways, Jessy/Andrew I think are expecting me to flip and vote Sam with them this round, but tbh I don't think I can flip on Sam and vote her out. Like if she goes, I don't want to be apart of that just because she trusts me a lot with her game. However, if they can manage to get her out this round I'm all theirs. Sam/MJ and co. said they want to do Allison, and because I don't trust Allison i think it might be safest for me to just vote her out and only flip if they're wanting to vote out Jessy/Andrew. Also spoke on call with Connor and hes trying to convince me to flip. The only way I see myself voting with them is if they vote MJ. But I just don't think that is realistic since Jessy is set on voting Sam. Which I personally cannot do since she is the only one I trust on that other side. Idk its all very up in the air, hopefully it isnt me that goes

9wegwpirangwfj tribals in an hour and a half and I really don't know what I'm gonna do. Apparently Josh would be okay with voting out MJ but I'm not sure if he really would. Part of me is thinking I should just vote Allison and if it ties, then I flip cause I don't wanna be rocked out pre-jury, especially since the only person I trust on Sam and Co side is Sam. I just know this is gonna be one huge clusterfuck

So.... much.... stress.... Josh and I agreed on just voting with the separate blocks, but I forgot that Sam has a vote negator so now I have to decide if I'm actually gonna go through with that plan or just flip and vote MJ. hregehgoihiqrehie I HATE THIS GAME

This game? Is crazy. I want to die. Somehow, through almost FIVE HOURS of acumalitive calls, I have managed to flip Josh and Scott so that we have majority. MJ SHOULD be going home. I literally did that. Like, i LITERALLY did THAT. Good god. Fingers crossed. It just makes sense? With MJ being a winner already and very good at flipping votes and winning challenges, we have the time to take him out so lets do it. Sam would be easier to vote out and I know Jessy wanted to, but with Matt having another idol and being immune, the two of them are too close for comfort. Actually, this entire game is too close for comfort. end my life.

why am i in the middle. i mean i guess i should count my blessings because i'm not getting voted out but this is such a hard position to be in