#this was supposed to be like a 40 second shit post and i got so invested out of nowher3

[microwavetoaster-selfships]

This was supposed to be a paragraph long shitpost, but it somehow turned into a full blown drabble, which is mind boggling to me how that happened, haha!

It's unedited, so if there's any punctuation or any other sorts of errors it's cause all I did was write it and post it. I normally only ever write from third person so this was quite interesting!

Sitting with A.xlerod in his car after a drive out to who knows where, maybe there wasn't even a destination, and it's dark outside and really late at night and we're parked outside the building to his flat/apartment and I'm sitting there and he knows something is on my mind and the hum of the car still running is audible and he doesn't say anything he just kinda looks over at me concerned and questioning and I know he's looking over at me and I sigh trying to get the sudden weight off my chest but the more I think about it I can just feel it twist and get a bit worse and there's a sudden straining pain the back of my throat for a few split seconds.

I reach my hand over to the side of the seat and pull back on the lever that leans the seat back and I sit there for a few moments laid back a bit. I know he's still looking at me with a concerned look and I take a deep breath as I'm about to say something, just to have all the words taken right back out of me again. I know this feeling, I feel it time and time again, and I know exactly how it makes me feel and yet there's still no label for it. It's too complex.

"Kane?" He quietly calls my name, trying to bring me back to the present. He looks like he wants to ask what's wrong, but he doesn't need to.

I take another deep breath, and end up holding it. Every time I want to speak it just gets lodged up. I can't help but shake my head and ponder at if something happened that made me like this. If somethings happened.

"Miles..?" Was just about all I could get out. I normally don't call him Miles often. I don't know why, I had just gotten into the habit of calling him A.xlerod for some reason.

"Kane?" He said in response.

"Do you..." I had to fight for my words, "Do you ever feel like you can't talk?...Like you can't...speak?"

He was only quiet for a moment, "In what sense?" He asked.

"Like... It's all just nothingness. Weightless." I was trying to analyze the visuals my brain created and communicate it into sensible words, "Like, it just doesn't matter. That it holds the importance of..." I kept having to pause for several moments, my brain just couldn't fathom forming words at the moment.

But he waited. He didn't interrupt and he let me finish my statement, even if it was an empty one.

"Do you think anyone ever thinks about the factory that their T-shirt comes from?" I finally asked.

He looked a little confused at first. But the longer the short silence went on I could see him start to understand.

"Like.. do you think anyone ever really listens to the different noises their oven makes? Thst anyone really cares about hearing their stove turn on? Do you think anyone enjoys hearing their alarms go off?"

He wrapped his arms around his stearing wheel and leaned up against it, looking off into the distance, "I listen."

I don't know why it was surprising for me to hear. I didn't know my eyebrows were furrowed and my lips were tense until my expression loosened and dropped. Do you really? I wanted to ask. But I felt like I'd come off wrong if I said it outloud.

"How many people do you think enjoys hearing their kettle shout at them?" He questioned in response, and I couldn't help but giggle, "I'll always listen, Kane. I'd give you the microphone any day and listen. I want to hear about things that make you jump up and down from excitement and how you don't like the texture of one particular thing. I want to know every little thought that goes on inside your head. And I'll listen to it forever. Everything you say is worthwhile, Kane."

And I couldn't help but feel the corner of my mouth twitch, and the pain in my throat come back, and my breathing get all funny for a moment. And maybe, just maybe, for a moment, my bottom lip trembles and my eyes water up for a moment and I get all solemn. But it was better. It wasn't accompanied by any weight on my chest or like something was gripping at my heart. It felt so much more reliving and fresher, like I could breath easier.

"Miles?"

"Yes, Kane?"

I didn't say anything. Words evaded me once more. But I didn't need words to communicate what I wanted. I reach my hand over to the door and I knew for a fact, that the second I got out this car and he got out and I walked over to him, I was going to squeeze the living daylights out of him. And if it means we topple over and are laying on the pavement, then I'm not getting up until it's all out of my system. And, I think the worst part is, I know he wouldn't mind. I can already picture his iconic smile across his face and him laughing wholeheartedly. He'll probably wrap his arms around me, one in my hair and the other on my back rubbing it, all joyously while he does it.

I don't mind him one bit.

[savventeen]

you say the stupidest (sweetest) things

pairing: seungkwan x gn!reader rating: 16+ (for swearing) wc: 4.5k prompt: seungkwan + "things you said at 1am" summary: you say stupid shit on the best of days, so when seungkwan comes over when you're having a bad bout of insomnia, the last thing he expects to hear from you is an accidental love confession warnings: insomnia, mental health issues, dissociation mention tags: fluff, friends to lovers, first kiss, reader is a little unhinged but who isn't tbh, they're also highkey allergic to genuine expressions of love/affection but they're working on it, banter, stimming, wrestling like children to try and work through emotions, reader is some flavor of lgbt+ (they make an "i've never done anything straight in my life" joke), reader's pov is dramatic bc they're dramatic oops a/n: this is for @dokyeomin as a part of my emergency commissions (check out the post here) and this was only supposed to be 1k but it 100% got away from me... i hope you still enjoy the fluff and all of the attached nonsense <3

From: Y/n 🔪 [11:47pm]

yo kwannie if i impulsively decide to go to the 24h convenience store how harshly do u think they'll jusdge me for buying every flavor of gummy candy available *judge i wanna see if i can melt them down into one Ultimate Gummy u know for Science

Seungkwan pauses brushing his teeth and stares down at your messages.

To be fair, it's probably not the strangest thing you've ever texted him. He's known you since your second year of college, after all, so he has about half a decade of experience with all of your various y/n-isms under his belt now.

Which is how he knows to trust his gut when it tells him that this probably isn't your usual brand of nonsense.

He spits the toothpaste into the sink and dials your number. You answer on the second ring.

“Before you say anything,” you start, “I was only half-serious about the gummies thing. Like, it's a fun idea, you know? In theory. But in actuality? I do not want to deal with the mess that it would create. Or the smells. Well, the smells might actually be pretty good depending on—“

“Uh-huh,” he interrupts dryly. “Y/n, when's the last time you slept?”

The beat of silence that follows is enough to confirm his suspicions, and the hesitant “Um” that follows is just the icing on the cake, really.

He sighs. “The fact that you have to think about it says enough.”

“I don’t need to think about it,” you argue petulantly. “I just… don’t wanna tell you.”

“Y/n...” he groans, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“Look, I know, I'm sorry.” And you do sound a little bit sorry, at least. “I'm just. Having an episode. Don't worry about it.”

His shoulders droop as the words sink in. “Episodes” are what you've taken to calling your intermittent bouts of serious insomnia.

Generally speaking, you sleep about as well as the average twenty-something with a caffeine addiction. But every few months or so, it's like your brain completely forgets how to shut off and you end up staying awake for 40+ hours straight.

“Well,” he says, putting his toothbrush away and going back to his bedroom. “You know that ship has sailed, right? You know I'm gonna worry about it.”

Your deep sigh crackles over the line. “Yeah, I know.”

“So. Where're we at this time?”

He mentally braces himself. The two of you have done this enough times now that he knows that you know there's no point in trying to lie or beat around the bush.

“Uhhhhhhh, I'll be hitting the 46-hour mark in about 20 minutes.”

“Aish.”

The fact that you can say that so casually makes his heart hurt. He knows that whenever he doesn't get enough sleep, he makes sure everyone knows it and thus babies him accordingly. But you've always been so intent on hiding anything and everything you struggle with. It's taken years for him to bully himself past the walls you keep hidden behind shit-eating grins and an over-willingness to help.

“Okay,” he says, moving to the dresser to grab an extra set of clothes. “I'll be over in an hour.”

“Wait. What?”

“You heard me.” He tosses the clothes onto his bed before going to grab one of his duffle bags, firmly asserting, “You've got an hour to mentally prepare yourself for my arrival.”

“Honey, you've got a big storm comin',” you quote at him without hesitating.

“You sure do,” he assures with a snort. “Better get ready to feel the wrath of my friendship.”

“Why do you have to love so aggressively?”

He rolls his eyes while he throws his clothes into the duffle bag with one hand. “Because it's the only way you'll accept it, idiot.”

“No, it isn't.”

Your pout is so audible through the phone that Seungkwan has to stop and glance at the screen in disbelief.

“Y/n. Y/n L/n. Do not stand there and lie to my face like that.”

“I'm not lying!”

“Not—” He gesticulates wildly with one hand like he's going Can you believe this shit? to an invisible TV audience. “Okay, tell me this: what did you do the last time I sincerely monologued at you about how much you mean to me as a friend, hmm? No bits, no bullshit, just me telling you how much I love you and how amazing you are.”

A beat. “I'll hang up on you, Kwannie, don't test me.”

He barely resists the urge to shove his face into the bedspread and scream. “You're literally proving my point right now!”

“Kwannieeee,” you whine, because you know he's right.

“Also, because I'm never letting you live it down, I will remind you exactly what you did."

You say his name again, but it's muffled, and he assumes it's because you're hiding your face in shame.

“I gave you a sincere, heartfelt speech about how much your friendship has changed my life for the better and made me become a better person—” he ignores your wordless pterodactyl screech, “—and how do you respond? By staring at me like a deer caught in the headlights, slowly raising your arms to give me double finger guns, winking, and then slowly backing out of the room like an awkward mannequin!”

“...”

“Well?” He puts his free hand on his hip. “Do you have anything to say for yourself?”

“… I’ve changed a lot since then.”

Seungkwan rolls his eyes before moving to continue packing his overnight bag. “It was literally three months ago.”

“Yeah, and? Doesn't change the fact that I've changed,” you assert.

“Into even more of a nuisance? Yes, you're absolutely right.” He smiles when he hears you scoff playfully.

“Listen here, Boo Seungkwan. You know that well-rested Y/n is ready to throw down with you at a moment's notice. What do you think sleep-deprived, zero-impulse-control Y/n is going to do the second you get to their front door?”

“Stop referring to themself in the third person, hopefully,” he mutters, finally zipping up his bag and heading to the door. “And then after that, they're going to let me bully them into resting.”

“Hmm. The council has heard your proposal, briefly pondered it, and deemed it “unnecessary” on the basis of: they're a bad bitch that can't be stopped by neither time nor physics nor any god of your choosing.”

Seungkwan scoffs as he puts the call on speaker and sits to put on his sneakers. “Well, “the council” can go fuck right off.”

“What if the council would like to fuck right on?”

Pausing in the middle of tying his laces, he blinks down at his phone. “I'm— what?”

“Okay, real talk, what do you think it would mean in this case? Like, would this be like a 'hop on' versus 'hop off' situation? Or more like an 'I'm down for this' versus 'I'm up for this' kinda situation? Because it would have very different outcomes depending.”

Seungkwan decides that this is a debate better left for another time. “I think it means that I'm going to be at your house soon and that if you're not in your pajamas with hot Sleepy Time tea and the series Planet Earth ready to go, there will be consequences.”

“Booooooo, you whore.”

He finishes tying his laces and jabs his finger at the phone. “Consequences, Y/n.”

“Ugh, fine.”

“See you soon, love you, bye.” He hangs up before you can get another word in, but doesn't move from his seated position in the entryway.

Slowly, he takes a deep breath in and lets it out, taking a moment to lean back on his hands while he stares at the back of his front door. Specifically, at the large collage of sticky notes and pictures and doodles that have taken up residence there.

A few of the notes are ones he's gotten from other members of your shared friend group over the years (the one from Chan that reads "if u eat my rice i'll eat ur kneecaps xoxo" hangs proudly in the center, right next to a picture of him sleeping that Seungkwan managed to capture from an extremely unflattering angle). But most of them are from you.

Dumb puns, meme references, bullshit animal facts you made up just to get him to laugh… almost all of them are stupid in that extremely charming way that only you somehow manage to pull off.

But the one he's staring at now is almost completely hidden by other notes and pictures that have been added to the collage. It's a pale blue, the ink starting to fade a bit with time — the first note you ever gave him, back when you two were just people who happened to sit next to each other in an astronomy class.

Even though most of it is hidden, he doesn't need to be able to see all the tiny words you crammed into the small space to already know exactly what it says.

how do u make a space party? u planet :P u looked sad today, hope this makes u feel a little better also if this is 2 forward feel free 2 pretend i don't exist. or punt me in2 the sun idk u'd be doing me a favor tbh

He'd almost skipped class that day because of how bad he'd been feeling, but he'd decided to try and push through. And before that day, neither of you had interacted with more than a polite greeting and the occasional question about the homework.

But then you'd passed him that note, and he'd passed one back that said “that's dumb. but thank you” with a smiley face, and you'd passed another one back that said “do u think lizard people have ever been to space?” and the rest, they say, is history.

Seungkwan shakes his head with a sigh before standing up and grabbing his bag and his keys, striding determinedly out the door. He's got a best friend to take care of.

Seungkwan should be at your place soon, and you're not quite sure what to do in the meantime.

You have your laptop hooked up to the monitor in the living room with Planet Earth queued up, you have the kettle filled with water and ready to go on the stove, and you have mugs and teabags ready on the counter next to it.

The Required Tasks™️ have been completed as much as possible without the arrival of your best friend, and now all that's left to do is wait.

Which, normally, you're not the worst at. You're excellent at entertaining yourself, actually, mostly because there's always something to think about. Whether it be about cute dogs that you've seen over the past week (I wonder if the pomeranian down the street will let me pet him next time), potential plot twists for the new fantasy drama you're a little bit obsessed with (what if Gregothy was cursed the whole time???), or generic ponderings of the human existence as a whole (do souls have the metaphysical equivalent of a fingerprint?), you're pretty much always thinking about something.

Which is totally fine and dandy and cool or whatever when you have the ability to, you know, shut it off. For example, when you need to do something simple and necessary like, oh I don't know, go the fuck to sleep.

You also hate when that manic mental energy somehow translates into kinetic energy as well. It makes you feel like a hamster in a cage, watching yourself running and running and running on that stupid wheel until you exhaust yourself.

Tonight's metaphorical wheel: stimming like wild in the kitchen. Flapping, rocking, (gently) slapping, making weird and fun mouth sounds, the whole shebang.

And again, normally stimming is fun. Stimming is great. But stimming because you feel like if you don't stop moving you're going to literally vibrate out of your skin is, to put it lightly, Not It.

It takes you about ten minutes to work out all of the energy until you no longer feel like your blood was replaced with pop rocks.

With a groan, you lower yourself to the kitchen floor and lay down face first. Because despite how exhausted you feel in every possible way, there's still something like an itch in your conscious, a fucking pea underneath the miles of mattresses that refuse to let you just. Fucking. Sleep.

Your pity party must've lasted longer than you realized (or, more likely, you dissociated for a hot second there) because suddenly someone's knocking at your door at the same time you get a text from Seungkwan.

And you know it's a text from Seungkwan specifically because you got Vernon to help you change your notification settings so that whenever Seungkwan texts you, the "i love you.. bitch" sound clip plays instead of a normal text tone.

For a fraction of a second, you contemplate slowly inching your way to the door like an uncoordinated caterpillar, but you swat the thought aside like you’re swatting a gnat and you awkwardly roll to your feet and make your way to your front door.

Without hesitating, you unlock the door, swinging it open with a flourish and sticking a finger right in Seungkwan's face before he can utter a single syllable, forcing him to cross his eyes.

You open your mouth wide like you're going to say something, pause for a moment, then tap your pointed finger to his nose with a quiet "boop."

He blinks, expression turning deadpan, and sighs. "I should have expected this, honestly."

“Yep!”

You let him into your apartment, and he makes himself right at home, mildly bitching at you as he goes to get the tea ready, and something within you shifts.

The inside of your head is still a bit of a dumpster fire, unfortunately, but inside your chest... something clicks into place that you're not sure that you're ready to name. Whatever it is, though, it's soft and warm and kinda feels like your heart is being hugged.

Smiling to yourself, you follow him into the kitchen.

💤 💤 💤 💤 💤

It was pretty much straight to “business” after that, and it only takes Seungkwan one cup of tea and two episodes listening to David Attenborough's dulcet narrations for him to knock right out, leaning heavily against your shoulder on the couch.

Which means it's now the perfect time to sit there and Admire Your Bro™️.

It's rare to see him so still, you think. He's an active guy, in pretty much every sense of the word, and you always feel a little honored when you get to be witness to his quiet, vulnerable moments like this one.

He looks so serene, face smoothed out and painted in soft twirling shades of blue from the screen of the monitor, though you can't see too much of it from this angle. Mostly you just see his cheeks and stupidly adorable button nose.

And you've seen the same thing a million times before — in all kinds of states and expressions — and despite how much you've tried to ignore it, each and every time you've caught yourself noticing just how cute Seungkwan is, it's caused that thing in your heart to scrunch up, full of the L-word feeling that you've kept unnamed for what feels like forever now.

Except, maybe that thing in your heart is tired of scrunching up. Maybe it's decided that it's tired of forever.

Maybe that thing has finally decided to burrow itself out of the walls you've built up because you find yourself finally allowing yourself to think, Holy shit, I think I'm in love with you.

You don't realize that Seungkwan has completely stilled against you, but you certainly notice when he suddenly throws himself forward so he can turn around and stare at you incredulously. Only he overshoots a little bit and ends up falling off the couch with a squawk and a dramatic flail.

"Oh my god, Kwannie are you okay?!"

He stares at you from where he fell, wide-eyed like you've grown a second head or like the time you'd tried to convince him that birds weren't real and actually just a government conspiracy.

"Am— am I okay? No??"

Now it's your turn to move off of the couch, coming down to his level to see if maybe he hurt himself when he fell. "Fuck, okay, did you hit something? Do you need an icepack?"

Seungkwan being Not Okay is maybe one of the worst things that could ever happen in the entire universe and you're trying not to panic as you reach out to check for injuries.

"No, no, stop—" he bats away at your hands and you stop in your motions, now kneeling in front of him. "I'm not hurt!"

Your brain does the cartoonish screech thing as it comes to a halt, and you furrow your brows. "But.. you just said you're not okay?"

"I'm not!" His eyes are still wide in shock, but he also looks confused and maybe a little bit like he's about to cry?

Oh no. If he cries and it's somehow your fault (because it has to somehow be your fault) you think the world might actually end.

"Okay, uh. I am— confused,” you start, sure you must look as lost as you feel. “But, um, what can I do to help?"

He swallows, and a part of you realizes that he's looking at you with an expression you've never seen before. "Did you mean it?"

Knowing that it's significant but not yet knowing why, you maintain eye contact. "Mean what?"

"What you just said."

You blink. "...that I'm confused?"

He shakes his head. "No, before that."

You have a hard time remembering what you just said when you're not sleep-deprived and worried you've just somehow accidentally caused irreparable emotional damage to your best friend. "Uh... when I asked if you were okay?"

"No, fuck," and it's a shock for some reason, hearing him cuss right now. You hear him say much worse things all the time, but you think it might be the way he said it — with a kind of desperate vulnerability that you're not sure you've ever heard from him before.

That thing in your chest twinges and you think maybe you're the one who's gonna start crying.

He says your name like a plea, and then he's on his knees right in front of where you're kneeling on the floor, reaching forward to cup your face in his palms. "You said— Y/n, you said "holy shit I think I'm in love with you.””

Oh.

You're pretty sure your heart falls right out of your ass and bounces across the rug, judging from the way it comes to a dead stop. You blink at him. Full of new and sinking kind of dread, you whisper, "...I said that out loud?"

He laughs, but it's tinged with incredulity and sounds a little too close to a sob for comfort. "Yes! You did!"

And wait, no, your heart is still stuck in your chest, because you can feel it start pounding against your ribcage in double, triple, quadruple time. He must see the fear in your expression, because suddenly his eyes are narrowed in a determined scowl and he growls, "Oh no you don't."

Then you find yourself going down with a yelp as Seungkwan octopuses himself around you, trapping you within the confines of his surprisingly strong arms and legs as he basically tackles you to the floor.

You try and wiggle away even as you know it's useless, and he grits, "Y/n dammit, answer my question."

"Why were you even awake?” You deflect, getting an arm free and trying to give him a wedgie. “You were supposed to be asleep!"

"I was supposed to be asleep?!” He screeches, easily evading your reach and poking your ribs to get you to reflexively pull back your arm. “You're the one who hasn't slept in literal days! And stop avoiding my question!"

"No!" He has you trapped once again, and you resort to licking his arm.

"Oh my god!"

He muffles his scream into your shoulder, long and frustrated, and then he just... goes limp. He loosens his hold and just lets his full body weight kinda crush the parts of you he's ended up lying on and just... lays there.

This is your chance, you know — to wiggle free and escape and run away from your feelings just like you always have.

But, for some reason, you don't — that scrunched-up thing in your chest holds you back. You stay there, lying beneath Seungkwan on the floor of your living room at one-something in the morning, and the two of you just breathe.

"It's okay, you know," he murmurs after a moment, so quiet you barely hear him over David Attenborough still narrating softly in the background. "If you didn't mean it. It's okay."

Holy shit, I think I'm in love with you.

And you realize how easy it would be to play it off, to blame it on the sleep deprivation, the way you blurted it out like that — to say (to lie) you meant it completely platonically, like the way you propose to Mingyu at least once a month when he cooks you all dinner.

And you also realize, quite shockingly, that despite how a part of you still desperately wants to run away, the larger part of you wants to stay. Doesn't want to run. Doesn't want to lie anymore.

You swallow heavily, briefly close your eyes, and take in a deep breath. "And if I did? Mean it?"

This time, you do notice when Seungkwan goes still. Slowly, he lifts his head so he can look you in the eyes.

When he doesn't say anything, just continues to look at you with an unreadable expression, you try to continue.

"Would you— would that— would it be okay? If I meant it? When I— when I said that I'm in love with you? Is— because um, like you said, it's okay if it's not, and uh—"

Your nervous rambling comes to a stop when he once again cups your face, but it's gentler than before, closer to a caress. The whole time you'd been talking he'd been slowly sitting up, and now he's on his knees next to where you're still lying down on the floor, looking down at you like all the hope in the world is somewhere to be found in your expression.

"Y/n." he says your name like it's something precious, and you feel the absurd urge to burst into tears. "It would be very okay." His thumbs make gentle arcs across your cheeks. "And just to be clear: you mean it in a non-platonic sense, right?” He chews on his lip. “Hopefully, in a very much romantic sense?"

Staring at him staring at you, eyes bright with hope and a little bit of wonder... you can only imagine you must be looking at him the same way. Your chest feels like it's full of helium but also like something warm and gooey is sloshing around in there. And all that hope and wonder and holy shit is this actually happening? is causing your tongue to stick to the roof of your mouth, and all you're able to get past your lips is a breathless, "Hopefully?"

"Oh my god," he groans in frustration, but it's light and airy and makes you think of amusement park rides and fairy lights and how you want to annoy the shit out of this man for the rest of his life, if he'll let you. He's shaking his head, smiling, beaming, and he asks, "Why can you never give me any kind of a straight answer, huh?"

"Because it's my life's purpose to be the bane of your existence until the day we die," you say, reaching up to hold his face too. "Also because I've never done anything straight ever in my life."

And then your body is moving before your brain can think it though, dragging him down until you can press your lips to his and finally, finally know what it's like to kiss Boo Seungkwan.

He makes a little noise of surprise, one that you can feel buzz against your lips before he melts into you. And oh, any thoughts you might have had are forcefully ejected from your brain because all you can focus on are his lips pressed to yours, the way they move slowly, gently, turning this chaste kiss into the most scorching experience of your life. His nose bumps against yours and the heat of his warm breath sends tingles throughout your body, and his hands, fuck, his hands are still holding you gently but also with a firmness that feels like he doesn't want to let you go.

And then he's pulling away, and you whine at him because this may be the cruelest thing he's ever done to you ever in your entire life. "Noooooo, why'd you stop?"

"Because, as much as I'd love to continue to make out with you on your floor while an old British man narrates about life on the Serengeti—” he mercifully ignores the way you choke on your spit at the way he talks about making out with you so nonchalantly "—it's past someone's bedtime."

Your mouth drops open in offended shock. Was he actually going to put you to bed like a child? Like you both hadn't just declared your romantic love for each other? "Are you fucking serious?"

He just stands up and crosses his arms, looking down at you with a single raised eyebrow. You take the part of you that finds it annoyingly attractive and promptly smother it, crossing your own arms from your position on the floor.

"I'm not a baby," you definitely don't pout.

"Hmmm...” And then the bastard fucking pouts at you. “But you're my baby."

You blink at him.

"Welp, that was nice while it lasted,” you grunt, rolling to your feet, “but I suddenly need to relocate to Antarctica and become a penguin herder.”

He pulls you into his arms with a laugh, and you let him, burying your face in the crook of his shoulder.

“You know,” he starts after he's held you for a few moments. “This isn't how I ever imagined how us confessing to each other would go.”

You snort.

“But also,” he continues, “it feels very 'us' doesn't it?”

"Yeah,” you murmur, not bothering to lift your head from his shoulder.

“Mmm, is someone finally sleepy?” he teases, starting to waddle you both towards your bedroom. “Did all the emotions finally wear you out?”

Instead of nodding, you lightly kick him in the shin and the sappy part of your brain that is currently in charge of everything thinks that his indignant squawk is one of your most favorite sounds.

The sappy part of your brain is right, of course, and when you wake up in your bed 15 hours later and accidentally smack him in the face, the urge to run is a little bit smaller than it was before. And the way he flushes bright red after you sleepily kiss him on the cheek is an image you're going to cherish until the day you die.

[nozunhinged]

Okay so I wanted to play it cool and summarize the second tonklash in just one sentence:

this is how youre supposed to get fucked by your sugar daddy

But more and more thoughts about it left me with no other choice than write way too much about Pretty Men Smashing Artistically On Screen™️ again🤦

If you still didn't understand that sex is a fundamental part of tonklas coping mechanisms (and I don't mean it's a good one) then I don't know what to tell you.

Wintonkla may have fucked like in a 10/10 porn movie, but we need that level of graphicness to understand tonkla. Btw, we neither saw kornfah nor nancreepyguy fuck, only tonkla.

Anyways—

We already start with a very emotionally distressed tonkla throwing his stuff around because his beloved Korn still won't answer his calls. We clearly see hes unable to deal with that rejection although he's apparently aware of his position and how he shouldn't let Korn treat him like that. I think he ran so fast to the door because he thought it was Korn — he didn't look disappointed but I think that's because he smelled his chance with the detective the second they met.

Tonkla getting straight to business without any care what mister detective trying to tell him proves that furthermore imho. Wins timing (yaknow) couldn't have been better.

When they start making out, the contrast between them and korntonkla almost gives you whiplash. Tonklas room is dark and gloomy and the whole scene continues to stay dark and blurry, the complete opposite to the warm oranges korntonkla were drenched in. And that's only the beginning.

To match the moods room, tonklas face is cold and distant the whole time and only touches win when he absolutely has to.

He's demanding and completely selfish with the pleasure he seeks and poor win looks very pleased to follow. Its now crystal clear Tonkla is trying to recreate the illusion of intimacy he craves from Korn while simultaneously keeping the necessary distance. Not in the "imagining his face" type of way but more of a "if I can't have him then this has to make do" way.

(Honestly I think this time the fuck me raw question is 60% durex product placement and 40% tonkla manifesting said illusion 🤓)

The position they fuck in is also as distant as it can get. No touching, no kissing, no tonkla clinging to win like it's his last lifeline like he did with korn.

And the irony of it all makes me wanna rip my hair out honestly I—

Look, we saw Korn do nothing but chase his own pleasure and tonkla ate it up like candy and now someone actually cares about his pleasure and he may have not hammered it in like 4-second-korn but he 1. jerks him off while fucking him and 2. lasts until tonkla cums and all mister detective gets for that is a pat on the chest AND to finish by himself.

And now think about how Tonkla was absolutely over the moon with Korns 4 Second Show™️ and didn't even care if he got to finish or not, he just wanted his sugar daddy happy and bask with him in the afterglow. BRUH.

You see, this is why how win fucked him is how a proper sugar daddy fuck looks like and not the messy shit Korn pulled him into. But win is the one with the feelings I— this is just so damn good. FUCK ME.

Love makes you so dumb and that goes for win AND Tonkla. They are gonna destroy each other and it's gonna be so good.

Their post coital talk brings the point home. Tonkla now has proof that he can use win for what he can't get from Korn and asks him if he can come by more often. Win of course agrees and caresses him with the most heartfelt kiss one can imagine. Tonkla on the other hand doesn't even move a finger. Insanity. Absolute insanity.

I don't think it's calculating or planned from Tonkla to use win like this, he just wants to be loved and can't get it from the person he wants. He's so fragile and lonely he even turns to drugs to cope. And this is again why the graphic sex scenes are necessary for his character arc, sex is his way of filling the void he doesn't know how to fill otherwise. I'm soooo so so excited how it's all gonna play out and who's gonna die because of it lol.

One smart Tumblr fella said greattymes scenes will serve as the loving contrast to this fucked up dynamics tonkla is messing with and now that we have this ending I'm really really looking forward to how that's gonna play out ooooopppppp

Read my words on the first tonklash here

[oureuphoria]

The Battle — JJK

⟿ Note: Hiii!! I know it’s been forever since I’ve posted on this account, and I am very sorry! I’m in uni now and my writing has improved (in my opinion) drastically, so I’m very excited to return bc I love posting here. To kick off the new era, I’m sharing a small fic I’ve worked on recently. I really hope you like it.

⟿ Synopsis: Your relationship with Jungkook has been strained for far too long and you’ve decided to do something about it.

⟿ Genre: Just angst, sorry </3 but possible part two!!

⟿ Pairing: Idol!Jungkook x Reader

⟿ Word count: 1,387

“Jungkook.” You called out to your boyfriend the second you heard the door to his apartment open. You were supposed to hang out together, you’d been waiting for him for over 40 minutes.

“Yes, babe?” From his sing-song voice, you could tell he was tipsy.

“We need to talk.” You were aiming for a serious, sobering tone, but it appeared nothing could dull his vibe when he got it going,

“‘Course, love. Not now though, I’m busy. Just getting changed and heading out with the boys.”

“But you said we’d have tonight together.”

“I know baby, but we always celebrate big wins together. You know you’re welcome to join us.” Jungkook knew very well that you were still really nervous around his bandmates. You specifically asked for some time alone.

“But we need to talk and it can’t wait.” Your voice was unwavering, but you could feel the resolve you’d spent so long building up begin to slip away.

It was hard to fight with Jungkook. It was harder when he didn’t fight with you.

“What? Are you okay?” His voice resonated throughout the apartment from your bedroom to where you were sitting in the living room.

“No, Jungkook. I’m not.” There was a moment of silence.

“What’s wrong, are you sick?” His head peaked out from the room, harbouring slight concern on his otherwise bright face.

“No, it’s about us.” You averted eye contact, unable to watch the happiness drain from his face.

“That can wait.” He went back into the room, and you could feel your frustration return.

“I’ve been waiting, but you’re always busy and I can’t wait anymore.”

“Can I not have one night? One night where you’re not on my ass about everything?”

“That’s not fair.”

“Y/N, we fight every week.”

“And I want to talk about it.” He came out of the room, fully dressed in his favourite jeans and a tight black turtleneck sweater. A month ago, this would’ve been the part where you joked about him looking like that one picture of The Rock. Now it just made you wonder how many people would throw themselves at him, and just how many he’d reject before he’d finally realise you might not be worth the trouble.

“No, see you say you want to talk and then it turns into you making me feel like shit for living my life.” Jungkook continued arguing with you while pacing around the apartment looking for his keys, his wallet, his sunglasses.

“That’s not my intention.” You stood up from your seat on the couch, but he continued to avoid looking at you.

“Your intention doesn’t matter, your actions do. And right now, I’d really love it if you didn’t start a fight.”

“Fine, if that’s what you really want.”

“Great. I’ll see you later.”

You sighed. “You won’t.”

“Stop with the dramatics, Y/N.”

“No dramatics, I’m done. We’re done.” You weren’t sure how you managed to get the words out, considering the fact that they felt like shards of glass dragging across your tongue.

“Seriously?” He looked at you, one hand on the door knob, the other by his side.

You thought about taking it back for way too long, and when you said nothing, he shook his head, letting out a sardonic chuckle.

“Alright, Y/N. We’re done.” And with those parting words, he was out the door.

You sat back down on his couch. Tears were flooding your eyes, and you could feel the pressure on your chest, affirming the end you saw coming but tried so hard to avoid.

You could have continued begging for a morsel of his time to work things out, but as he said, he viewed any and all criticism as an infringement on his right to party and celebrate his success.

You were the same age, but you lived vastly different lives and you had no idea how to reconcile the gap between the Jungkook who loved you, and the Jungkook who was in the public eye. There was only one you. You didn’t have a second life, and that was what made it so hard to relate to him.

He didn’t even want to try.

You wiped away your tears, grabbing your coat and bag from the armchair. You had one arm through the sleeves when the door opened again.

For the split second that you heard the keypad beep and the door’s hinges creak, you allowed yourself to be filled with hope. He came back, and in that moment you let yourself believe that it was for you. That he’d tell you he can’t live without you, and whatever there was going on between you two, he’d be willing to fix it.

But you and him hadn’t felt partners in so long, and the problems you used to tackle together, as an inseparable unit, began to feel like termites eating through the foundation of your trust.

“Oh, you’re still here.” His voice didn’t sound remorseful. It didn’t sound like the voice of a man who was prepared to lay the ugliest parts of your relationship bare so that you could work through them. He sounded indifferent.

“Yeah sorry, I was just leaving.” You quickly shrugged the coat on properly, grabbing your bag and hastily rushing toward the door, but Jungkook was blocking the doorway, and he didn’t move away when you approached. “Um, Jungkook, you’re kind of in the way.” You tried your absolute hardest to keep your voice level and your tears at bay, but the longer he stood there the harder it was.

“I am, aren’t I?” His tone was so hard to read, you had no idea how to respond. “I’m always in your way, Y/N. And a better man would let you go, but I can’t.”

Before you could grasp onto his words, he grasped onto you. Jungkook wrapped you into a tight hug.

“Don’t do this, Jungkook. Please.”

“I don’t know what to do, Y/N. I feel so guilty, all the time. I don’t know how it fix it, so I go out, and I get wasted and I convince myself you’re happier without me.” He sounded so vulnerable, so bare, and for a moment you saw your pain reflected in his.

How could you fix it? There was only so much turbulence a relationship could take, and the strain on your own mental health was beginning to feel like less of a side-effect and more like a direct bi-product.

Sometimes, the best way to get rid of termites is to burn it all down and pray you have the strength to rebuild.

You weren’t sure of much, but you were sure that you weren’t strong enough to rebuild.

“I’m not happier without you, Jungkook. But lately I haven’t been feeling happier with you either. I love you, you know that, but I can’t keep pretending like it doesn’t hurt me when you pretend I don’t exist. And I know the only other option is to go public, but I don’t think I could cope with that kind of attention.”

“I could say I’m in a relationship and we could keep your identity secret. I’ve seen other idols do that.”

“Idols much less famous than you, Jungkook. Its unfair of me to expect you to carry the burden of the negative attention you’d inevitably get.”

“What are you saying?”

“Sometimes love isn’t enough. And I can’t watch as we tear ourselves apart trying to make each other feel better.”

“Y/N, I don’t know how to do this without you.”

“Me neither, but I think we have a much better chance of figuring out how to live apart than together, don’t you?”

“I— I could take a break from the group until we figure this out.”

“You’d resent me for it.”

“You can’t give up on us just like that?”

“You gave up a long time ago, Jungkook.” There was no hostility in your voice, so Jungkook knew you weren’t trying to hurt him with that remark. In fact, the sincerity of what you’d said, and the tears that began to flood your eyes and his, told him you might just be right.

So, without another word, Jungkook moved out of the doorway and watched as you gave him a tight-lipped smile before walking away.

[chelseeebe]

dirty little secret.

NOT MY GIF!

summary: a babysitting gig at one of your dad's employee's houses leads to a filthy affair of secrets with a certain mr. harrington.

a/n: i have not proofread this one bit, i just wanted to get it posted so i could start on some ghostface!steddie hehe. i suppose this is another installment of the older!steve/mr.harrington saga though in my head they're different people.

he's a scummy scumbag but that's okay because it's sexy (don’t do this irl) smut and inappropriate relationship dynamics. r is 23/24 and steve is mid 40's ish.

it had all started fairly innocently.

a simple phone call asking if you could do some last minute babysitting. sure. easy enough.

earn some extra cash for doing absolutely nothing.

your dad had recommended you. someone who worked for him, steve or something or other, you’d met him before but that was years ago when you were much younger.

christ, you had a degree now. navigating the post-grad world. not with much luck.

the actual babysitting had been simple enough, feed the kids, put them to bed and now you could just relax.

the house was huge. obviously not decorated by a man, or at least not on his own. it was all meticulously designed, you’d never know there were kids living here. or anybody at all for that sake.

you’re lounging on the sparkling white couch waiting for this illusive steve to get back from wherever. your dad had said eleven but it was well past.

he makes an appearance at quarter to twelve, sighing loudly as he steps into the large hallway. the door makes you jump, sitting up straight on the sofa as if it were illegal to be sitting comfortably on such an expensive piece of furniture.

you peer over the back of the couch as he walks into the living room. finally putting a face to the name. you’d gone to his wedding reception so many years back, unhappy and moody as you’d been dragged along.

‘i am so sorry,’ he says, shaking his head and removing the tailored suit jacket, slinging it over a chair, ‘the dinner ran over and then it was just awful traffic.. how were they? i hope they didn’t give you too much shit,’ chuckling deeply.

‘no.. no, they were great,’ you nod, smiling weakly, standing up to gather your things and finally leave.

you couldn’t help but notice how tight his shirt was, clinging onto his defined arms. you draw your eyes away quickly, slinging your bag over your shoulder.

‘good,’ he breathes, pouring himself a glass of whisky out of the obviously insanely expensive bottle, ‘d’you drink?’ offering a glass to you.

‘uhh.. not whisky,’ laughing quietly, still standing awkwardly in the middle of the obscenely large room.

‘it’s good stuff,’ he shrugs, still holding the second glass to you.

‘i’m okay.. thank you though,’ you nod, stepping closer to him. he smelled great. expensive.

‘fair enough,’ he laughs, taking a short sip, ‘right.. you wanna be paid,’ digging around his pocket for his wallet.

his pants also incredibly well fitted. there’s no need to mention what they were showcasing.

you give him a tight lipped smile, looking anywhere but his crotch.

his wallet is almost overflowing, stuffed with notes and various cards. you try not to gawp at the sight. your dad most definitely did not flex like this.

he hands you four fifty dollar bills, holding the pile in your palm. fingers clasping your hand. the sensation alone is enough to give you butterflies.

‘that’s too much,’ you shake your head, trying to refuse. a whole two hundred dollars to make mac and cheese and watch television.

‘no no, take it, thank you for coming so last minute, have you got a ride home? i can get you a cab?’ he nods, maintaining heavy eye contact, honestly making you squirm.

‘i drove.. thank you so much,’ placing the notes into your bag, still under his heavy gaze.

‘okay,’ he smiles, ‘i’ll uh- i’ll get your number from your dad for next time.. if you don’t mind?’

‘uhh..yeah sure.’

‘great.. thank you, again,’ his hand brushes against your arm, causing the goosebumps to rise instantly.

you give him one last shy smile and walk to the oversized front door. baffled by the things you were feeling. the small yearning feeling bubbling in your stomach. a man god knows how many years your senior. it felt wrong.

dirty.

-

the next time you babysit for him, he’s prepared. a bottle of fancy vodka left next to the whisky.

‘you’re a vodka girl, right? i can tell,’ he winks, a deep laugh erupting from his throat as he pours the clear liquid into a glass.

‘ahh.. how’d you know?’ you smile, not wanting to refuse the man, especially as he’d gone out of his way to get this for you.

he taps his temple, holding the drink out to you, ‘intuition..’

the conversation flows on, telling him about your degree and where you planned to go with it. him humbly flexing his own work, talking about the various connections he could make for you.

‘i know you’re robert’s daughter but i just.. i feel like i’ve seen you before,’ his eyebrows squeeze together, knee almost touching yours as his legs spread across the sofa.

‘i uh- i actually went to your wedding, the reception at least,’ you laugh, still heavily avoiding eye contact even though you could feel his eyes boring into your face.

‘oh my god, that’s right.. you were miserable,’ his laughter rumbles through the room, if the house weren’t so big you’d be worried about it waking the kids. not a chance they could hear a thing in this mansion.

‘i was.. i didn’t know you! my dad made us go,’ you giggle, just about meeting his dark eyes before quickly glancing down at his hand grasping the glass, noticing the lack of wedding ring.

he notices, rubbing the empty finger, ‘no,’ chuckling, ‘we’re not.. if you were wondering,’ you can’t tell if it’s a smirk or just his slightly tipsy smile.

‘sorry,’ you breathe, awkward that he’d noticed your attempt at subtlety.

‘don’t be.. we’re still married for now, but we’re not together,’ he nods, seemingly unaffected by the separation.

‘oh.. right,’ you chuckle, unsure of how you’d ended up discussing his divorce at midnight on a friday night. it wasn’t exactly anywhere near where you’d pictured yourself being after graduation.

‘d’you have a boyfriend?’ he asks, shifting slightly to face more towards you, still nursing the neat whisky.

you shake your head, ‘no.. not at the moment,’ staring just past him as to not make direct eye contact.

‘oh, i thought for sure someone would’ve snatched you up,’ his gaze falters, lingering on your exposed thigh, your skirt had slightly ridden up as you’d sat.

‘surprisingly not,’ weary as to whether you should pull your skirt down or let his eyes loiter. opting for the latter.

the attention was nice. unexpected. but not unappreciated. it made your stomach tight, slightly intimidated by his dark eyes.

‘hmm, that’s a shame,’ his tongue runs along his bottom lip, eyes slowly making their way up to meet yours.

you don’t know what to do. where to leave your eyes. his intense stare only worsening your composure. you’d have probably thrown yourself at him if he didn’t answer to your dad. complicating matters immensely.

‘you want another drink?’ he asks, leaning closer, shaking his own empty glass.

‘no.. thank you,’ the words struggle to come out, throat dry at the proximity of his body to yours. the smell of whisky and his cologne mixing to create an intoxicating smell.

‘sure?’ he reiterates, smirking as his eyes fall to your parted lips. mostly trying to regain air into your lungs.

your breath hitches in your throat, suddenly unable to speak, watching as he slowly moves over. cocky smile plastered across his face, relishing in your spreading blush.

he brings his face to within just a few inches of yours, pausing, ‘tell me if this is too much,’ the feel of his breath against your nose.

you shake your head slightly, almost paralysed by his eyes. it was confirmation enough for steve. his lips brushing yours softly, as his free hand moves to rest just above your knee.

your lips move with his, tasting the remnants of the expensive alcohol as his tongue glides across your bottom lip and into your mouth. a quiet gasp comes out as his fingers slide up your leg, his smirk evident against your mouth.

letting him take full control of the kiss, leaning back as his chest presses against yours. he takes full advantage of your new position, fingers creeping up your already short skirt.

you move back fully, back against the soft cushions. he doesn’t break the kiss as he moves on top, sliding between your now open legs, groaning into your mouth when your hands finally touch him.

resting on his shoulders as he manoeuvres his body, fitting perfectly with yours. he pulls back from the kiss, taking a brief moment to catch his breath, looking into your eyes for encouragement.

you haven’t enough time to process anything before his hips begin to move against yours, lips now attacking your jaw line. peppering kisses and gentle nibbles to the skin, eliciting a barely audible moan from your throat.

his hand had found it’s way to your panties, fingers rubbing against the cotton, ‘holy shit,’ he mumbles into your neck, ‘you’re already soaked.’

you recoil, burying your face into the pillow next to your head. this only makes him laugh, his body vibrating against yours as your panties are pushed aside, two fingers circling your entrance before slipping inside.

‘shit,’ you curse into the pillow, gripping onto his shirt.

his other hand comes up, coaxing your face out of the pillow with a gentle hand. when you finally emerge you can feel your cheeks heat up, his blown out pupils gazing back at you.

‘look at me,’ his voice bellows out, ensuring your attention stays firmly on him. you almost want to look away, just to see what he’d do.

there’s a small voice from somewhere up the stairs, ‘daddy,’ it whines and steve groans above you.

‘shit.. two minutes,’ he curses, removing his hand from underneath your skirt, climbing off of the couch.

you’re immediately jolted back to earth. back to mr. harrington’s living room where you were immodestly dressed. you sit up, face screwed up in disgust at your frankly whorish actions and pull your skirt down to an appropriate length.

‘fuck,’ you hiss to yourself, what the hell where you doing? screwing around with your dad’s employee who by the way, was at least double your age, was not on your cards.

you stand, frantic to gather your things and escape before he comes back down. you’d just ignore him if he called again. you could cut the loss on whatever you were owed for tonight.

you’re halfway down the long corridor when he creeps down the stairs, ‘sneaking out?’ his voice appears from behind, making you jump halfway out of your skin.

spinning on your heel to face him, every part of your body heating up with embarrassment, ‘i should get home..’

‘you don’t have to.. stay,’ he grins, walking towards you, one hand brushing against your arm.

you swallow, knowing exactly where that hand had been just minutes earlier. the feel of his bulge moving against your thigh. you almost shudder at the thought.

‘i shouldn’t..’ you manage to squeak out, mind preoccupied by what was hidden under those tight-fitted suit pants.

‘it’s late, i’m sure your dad wouldn’t want you driving at this time,’ he bargains, fingers squeezing around your arm.

‘okay,’ you breathe, relinquishing your stance, it seems it didn’t take much.

‘good,’ he nods, a smug expression overtakes his features, ‘give me two minutes,’ letting go of your arm and walking back into the dimly living room.

you stand awkwardly in the hallway, clutching your small bag and waiting for him to return from whatever the fuck he was doing. it was honestly made worse with the anticipation of what was to come. it was inevitable.

the light snaps off and he re-emerges, clutching onto a small glass of whiskey, motioning for you to climb the stairs.

you oblige as he follows closely, spare hand reaching up to rest on the small of your back.

‘ah.. i don’t think the guest bedroom has been cleaned.. i can make up the bed for you quickly if you want?’ he hushes, hand dropping to hover just above your ass.

you roll your eyes instinctively, it would seem men never grow out of the awful frat-boy tactics. he feigns shock for a brief moment before guiding you further up the hallway, towards his own room.

you hold your breath, entering the room. a large bed with silk covers takes up most of the room. he closes the door softly behind him, flicking on the lamp and setting his drink on the bedside table.

you marvel at the room, the extravagance of it all. it honestly could’ve passed as a five star hotel. he walks back over to you, running his hands around your rigid frame. unexpected overcome with nerves.

‘relax,’ he breathes, nudging his face into your neck, pressing amorous kisses down onto your exposed collarbone.

a small sigh leaving your mouth, which steve loves. taking it as a sign to continue, walking you over to the bed, hands groping any flesh they could.

your skirt flipped up over your ass as he continues the attack on your neck. your hands finally settling on his muscular shoulders, clinging on to his white shirt as you're dipped back onto the bed, his body climbing on top of yours.

'wow,' he mumbles, muffled by the crook of your neck, hands roaming the length of your body, 'so pretty.'

his large palm glides up, lifting your shirt with it, the cold air immediately leaving goosebumps over the exposed skin. only worsened by his soft fingertips trailing along behind your shirt, breaking apart long enough to pull it over your head.

your mouth falling open when his lips find their way to your neck once again, sucking on the tender skin. your fingers absentmindedly unbuttoning his shirt, defined shoulders peeking out as you gently tug it down his arms.

moving down to rid him of his pants, not ignoring how big he already felt under your palm, wondering if you'd even be able to take him all.

'y'sure about this?' he asks into your neck, fumbling with your panties as your hand tries and fails to undo his belt buckle.

you nod, cheek brushing against his mess of hair still buried in your neck. he reappears, gazing down at you as your fingers continue to fumble with the expensive, over-complicated belt.

you finally unclasp the metal, gasping as his cold hands brush against your thighs, fingers finding their way to your sensitive clit, circling around, causing a hushed moan. terribly aware that his children were not too far from you.

‘j-jesus,’ you mumble, sliding down his tailored trousers and rutting your hips against his, feeling his already very erect cock against your centre.

he’s still staring down at you, inches away from your face, unable to decipher the look on his face, a mix between animalistic desire and lust.

your legs lock around his torso and he wastes no time in aligning himself with your entrance, only breaking eye contact to look down at the space between your bodies before sliding in, a raspy moan vibrating from his throat.

hand sliding from the back of his already moist neck, down onto his shoulders, his shirt half-off as he thrusts in and out, pressing his forehead against yours. it feels incredibly intimate, his hot breath brushing against your cheek, the sounds of his balls slapping against your drenched cunt.

your head falls back onto the pillow, hair splayed out around you, rhythmically slamming into you. eyes fluttering closed when his thumb finds your sensitive clit once more. he grins when your hips buck against his in instant approval.

'yeah? y'like that?' he breathes, slowing his pace as you clench around him, nearing your climax. you can't open your eyes to look at him, the immense feeling of pleasure growing in your lower abdomen.

his gruff groans only accelerating your orgasm, 'sh-shit,' you babble, digging your nails into his skin as you reach your peak, waves of hot pleasure running through your body, thighs squeezing his torso, pulling him deeper as you writhe against him.

a series of expletives tumble from your lips, loosening your grip on his skin as he continues thrusting into your now sensitive cunt. the sound of your sweet moans pushing steve to his own orgasm, hips stuttering with his final few strokes before pulling out, painting your thighs with his load.

his mouth hangs open as he catches his breath, running a hand through his damp hair, watching as you come back down to earth. you brave opening your eyes, catching his amorous stare, a small smile overtaking his face.

you're unsure of how to feel, slightly embarrassed, still laid bare on the cotton bedsheets, scrambling to cover yourself as he reaches for a previously discarded towel. cleaning the mess he had made on your skin.

'well.. i'm glad you didn't sneak out,' he simpers, removing collapsing onto the bed beside you, fully removing the half-undone shirt from his body.

'me too,' you attempt to contain the smile on your face with the pillow, though it doesn't really work, exposing your smugness.

he sits up slightly, peering over you to the alarm clock on the bedside table, 'it's late, y'should probably just stay here.. just say i got back super late,' falling back onto the mattress.

you nod, not wanting to defy his suggestion. not that you wanted to leave anyway, fairly happy to stay right here with him.

steve pulls the satiny covers fully over the both of you, turning on his side to face you. dimly lit by the definitely overpriced lamp in the corner of the room. his hand comes up to your waist, pulling your body into his.

you're clueless as to how this had all transpired. now in what was technically your bosses bed, falling asleep in the older man's arms with no idea how you'd explain this to your dad in the morning.

-

steve's lips wake you in the morning, his stubble brushing against your shoulder as you blink, remembering where the hell you were.

you hadn't woken when he'd got up earlier to get his kids ready for school, probably for the best. not wanting to answer questions as to why their new babysitter was still here in the morning, dressed in their dad's shirt.

'good morning,' he breathes, nose nuzzled into the back of your neck, strong arms snaking around your waist.

'hi,' you respond, slowly coming to, relaxing into his embrace.

'nancy's taken the kids to school.. we've got a little time before i've gotta work,' you can feel his smirk, wandering hands already finding themselves between your thighs.

'your ex-wife was here?' sounding slightly panicked, knowing deep down that whatever had happened last night would land the both of you in serious trouble.

steve picks up on your worry, planting a wet kiss to your shoulder, 'don't worry.. she just picks them up, we're good,' reassuring you only slightly.

before you can dwell on the thought too much, his erection presses against your ass, eliciting a sharp gasp from your throat. you giggle, moving your leg to allow further access.

not quite sure what exactly was going on but absolutely elated to be involved.

-

your dad always had an extravagant party for his birthday. like, unnecessarily big with far too much money poured into it. you’d had to miss the last few years as his birthday fell in finals week.

the last time you remember going was when you were seventeen, you’d sat in the corner for the entire night watching as everyone danced and got drunk. wishing you could’ve been literally anywhere else in the moment.

this year, you’d have to go and deal with the fact steve was also there. in his best suit with those sickly fitting pants, hair perfectly styled and smelling like that intoxicating cologne you loved.

and you’d have to do it all without giving any inclination as to what was going on between you. it was about to be the hardest night of your life.

steve had even helped you pick out your dress. obviously opting for the most revealing option, trying to play it off as just liking you in black. you’d sworn there was a teenage boy alive inside of that man.

the last few weeks had been spent with him, mostly under the guise of babysitting. spending days at a time in his glorious house, waiting for nancy to collect the kids so you could leave his room. indulging in luxurious breakfasts, sharing clothes and enough sex to keep you satisfied for life.

not without plenty of gifts, hand-crafted pieces of jewelry and god knows how many bright bouquets of flowers now littered around your room. even adorning the beautiful diamond necklace you'd received last week, tonight.

your sister had questioned the sudden abundance of gifts but you'd carefully brushed her off, putting it down to some new guy you'd been seeing, she wouldn't know him.

the start of the party was absolutely fine. sipping on some rather expensive white wine, listening to your father go on and on about his life, never missing an opportunity to talk about you and your sister.

it was inevitable that at some point you would have to speak to steve. especially as you were his new babysitter and seemed to be over there a hell of a lot, working.

‘she’s great, isn’t she?’ your dad boasts, standing between you and steve.

your eyes meet his, a sight you’d actually missed all night. taking your bottom lip between your teeth, a small knowing smile on your lips.

‘yeah, absolutely.. i’d be lost without her,’ steve grins, nudging your dads arm. his eyes don’t leave yours, blood rushing to your cheeks, playing it off as just being bashful at all of the attention.

‘you’re over there enough, i’m surprised you let her have the night off,’ your dad laughs, slinging his arm around your shoulder and rubbing your arm.

‘ahh of course, she can have anything she wants,’ he clears his throat, continuing to make heavy eye contact, ‘she’s such a big help y’know?’

‘too right,’ your dad laughs, clinking his glass against steve’s.

you want to get the fuck out of there, unsure if you had the strength to not fucking pounce on steve the second your dad looked away.

the chat goes on for a little while, switching topics to unimaginably boring topics like whatever it was they did for work. steve had attempted to explain it to you, not that it was much help.

the small group disperses into their own groups and you’re left stood opposite steve, clutching onto your wine glass trying your damn hardest not to let your eyes falter to his package.

he leans in, whispering into your ear, ‘come and find me in five minutes.. there’s an empty meeting room down the hall, you’ll know which one,’ before pulling away, you suspect to go to said room.

you almost don’t want to. let him sit there waiting on his own as revenge for the flirtatious words he’d spoken about you to your dad. you don’t. obviously.

there was not a chance you could leave him be, especially not with the way he looked tonight.

besides, it was kinda fun. risky. there wasn’t much risk involved when you were at his house. other than dodging nancy in the mornings and hoping praying that the kids wouldn’t walk in in the middle of the night.

you give a quick look around, patting the older woman on the arm as you break away from the conversation you were only half-included in. trying not to trip over your feet as you exit, trying to find this meeting room.

there’s a row of almost identical doors and you want to curse him out when the last door in the corridor is adorned with a large, silver 69 nailed to the wood.

you open the door slowly, edging your way into the room when you’re pulled into the darkness. large hands grabbing at your waist holding your body against his chest.

‘oh my god,’ you say, almost too loudly, holding yourself steady as you grip onto his shirt sleeves.

‘shh..’ he hushes, you can just about make out his features from the small amount of light being let into the room. half of his face engulfed in the shadows.

‘you’re a child,’ you smirk, slightly tipsy and very much desperate for his touch.

‘i knew you’d find it,’ he chuckles, fingers digging into the fat around your waist, eager to feel the skin beneath your dress.

‘you’re not fu-,’ you’re interrupted by his lips crashing against yours, trying to pull you even closer. he’d mesh your skin with his if he could.

your hands move to cup his face, palms running against the stubble on his cheeks. jesus christ he could have you right here. you wouldn’t even care at this point.

his fingers inch your already short dress up, riding to the top of your thighs. you slip your tongue into his mouth, the one tiny bit of dominance you had in this situation.

a low groan rumbles into your mouth as one hand glides down his torso, stopping just above his belt. he manoeuvres both of you backwards, crashing into a rogue desk, fingertips surely leaving bruises as they clutch onto you.

‘we can’t,’ he mumbles, lips resting on the side of your mouth, leaving small, wet kisses as your fingers work on undoing his belt buckle.

‘we can,’ you nod frantically, aching to feel him inside of you.

the metal clanks together as you get it unbuckled, sliding a hand into his pants, palming above his boxers at his growing cock as he grunts into your mouth. falling apart at your touch.

the hallway light flickers on fully, footsteps leading up the corridor, stopping just before the room you were in. you pull your head back, eyes wide, just about seeing his worried expression.

‘well we’re about to do the cake, where is she?’ the voice you now recognise as your sister’s echoes in the hallway.

hand still comfortably dipped into his trousers as your head snaps to the door, making desperate pleas to god and anyone else above that she’d turn back around.

‘shit..’ he whispers, pulling your hand from his boxers by your wrist, distressed as your sister walks further up the hallway and back down.

you’re confident she’s back in the main hall as you exhale, relief washing over you, ‘oh my god,’ you giggle slightly, it was pretty funny now the immediate threat had gone.

steve does not share the amusement, his face straight as zips his pants back up, pulling away from you. you screw up your face in confusion, yanking your dress back down to an appropriate length.

‘jesus fucking christ,’ he huffs, tucking his shirt back in.

‘oh c’mon.. it’s fine, she doesn’t know.. no one knows,’ you frown, placing a hand on his arm in an attempt to reassure him.

‘this was a stupid idea,’ jerking his arm away.

‘this was your idea,’ utterly dumbfounded by his attitude, nothing bad had happened so was the annoyance really necessary?

‘i know that- look, you should get back out there,’ he shoos you off to the door.

‘why are you being so weird? it’s fine,’ you breathe, now slightly offended that he was being so mean.

‘go.. they’re looking for you,’ patting your back, ‘i’ll slip out in a minute.’

one of the downsides to an older man definitely included his lack of a sense of humour. you didn’t appreciate having to explain simple jokes or why you found something funny. it was as if he felt the need to be serious about everything.

you shake your head as you slip out of the door, making sure the hallway was empty. there’s a lump in your throat. he still clearly thought of you as a child. someone that needed to be told what to do.

steve doesn’t make eye contact with you for the rest of the night. carefully averting his eyes when you’d try desperately to garner his attention. you don’t even notice him slip out of the door, deserting your plans to go over when the party had ended.

it all felt terribly embarrassing. not that you’d even done anything wrong. it was his idea to go to the room. nothing had even happened, your sister still had no idea anything was even happening between you.

you call him when you’re eventually home and sure everyone else was asleep. sitting cross-legged on your bed, the phone pulled over and resting on your lap.

‘hello?’ he speaks groggily into the phone. you’re shocked he’d even answered.

‘oh hello, d’you remember me?’ you reply, still slightly tipsy and now sharing the anger he’d obviously felt earlier.

he sighs and you can hear him sit up, bedsheets rustling in the back, ‘i’m sorry.. it was just- that was too close.. i can’t lose my job, you know that.’

‘nothing even happened, steve! you’re not gonna lose your fucking job,’ you snap, gripping onto the plastic receiver.

‘i know.. i just have to be careful- we have to be careful,’ once again trying to spin it as if you’d been the one to drag him into the damned room.

‘we are,’ you swallow, vision blurred as the lump in your throat reappears, ‘i know you’re scared but you don’t have to take it out on me.’

he exhales, ‘okay, i’m sorry,’ sounding only slightly remorseful.

‘i wanna see you,’ you sniff, wiping your face with the sleeve of your shirt, ‘can i come over?’

‘it’s late,’ he notes, you can hear the sheets rustle again and the soft padding of his feet as he gets up.

‘that doesn’t answer my question,’ deepening your frown, picking at a loose thread on your shorts.

you can still hear him doing whatever the fuck he was doing in the background, ‘i’ll be there in fifteen.. round the back.’

your frown immediately disappears, ‘okay,’ putting the phone down and jumping from your bed, getting your stuff ready to go.

you’re there waiting for him around the back of your house, an empty dimly lit road. you practically ran to his car when his headlights turned the corner.

sliding into the seat, slightly damp from the rain that’d started, he looks over quickly before speeding off. not giving anyone the chance to spot you.

there’s a small silence before you speak up, ‘i’m sorry,’ apologising for seemingly nothing. it didn’t matter, really. as long as he wasn’t mad anymore.

his hand comes over, resting on your knee, ‘we just have to be careful.. i wasn’t really angry.’

‘i know,’ you nod, though you didn’t. he seemed angry enough. enough to outwardly upset you.

you swallow any feelings of dejection. he'd apologised after all. what was the issue?

-

steve had been awfully quiet. suddenly not requiring your services as often. being overly cautious about your relationship, calling every few days and only inviting you over when the kids were with nancy.

you’re not afraid to bring it up when you do eventually go over. he was faffing about with some paperwork, glasses perched on the bridge of his nose as you sit and watch.

‘why are you being so off with me?’ you speak up, curling your feet up underneath you.

‘hmm?’ he hums, barely lifting his head to acknowledge the fact you’d just spoken to him.

you huff, ‘you’re not even listening,’ crossing your arms over your chest.

‘i am,’ he slowly tears his eyes from the paper, looking over at you, ‘what’d you say?’

‘i said, why are you being weird with me?’

‘what?’ shaking his head, looking back at the numbers on the sheet.

you want to scream. tear the piece of paper into tiny shreds and sprinkle them across the living room.

‘you don’t call me, you don’t want to see me.. i don’t understand what i’ve done,’ you frown, shifting your position to face him fully.

he sighs, long and exaggerated, ‘that’s not true, nancy’s had the kids more.. i just haven’t needed you here as much,’ shrugging you off.

‘oh, so now i’m only your babysitter? you only need me here to fuck, is that it?’

‘you’re twisting my words,’ he finally puts the paper down completely, taking his glasses off and placing them on top of the pile.

‘so what am i? your babysitter or your girlfriend? i’m getting confused,’ sarcastic as you were losing your temper. he was great at evading the question at hand.

he blinks, ‘i’m not gonna argue with you, if that’s what you’re looking for,’ rubbing his temples.

‘answer the question.’

he’d never explicitly called you his girlfriend. you’d just sort of assumed that your relationship had gone past secret hookups. what with all the time spent together, the long hours spent chatting and the occasional, far-too-expensive gifts he’d gotten you.

‘you’re my.. i don’t know, my girlfriend?’ he’s so nonchalant with it all. only pissing you off further.

it was blatantly obvious just why his previous marriage hadn’t worked out.

‘do you want that?’ you ask earnestly, narrowing your eyes at him.

‘well not when you’re like this.’

it must’ve been a skill of his, to make you feel so crazy. so guilty for just wanting some clarification on your relationship.

you’re left speechless, opening your mouth to reply but nothing coming out. you look down, trying not to let him see your tears.

‘you know how i feel about you,’ he sighs, caressing your cheek, running his thumb over the blushed skin.

you nod under his grasp, squeezing your eyes to stop them from leaking.

‘yeah? you gonna stop being silly?’ he says softly, moving in closer. your eyes meet his, watering as a rogue tear slips out and rolls onto his hand.

you felt like a petulant child. like you’d just been told off and needed to be comforted. except, you only wanted to be comforted by him. his touch being the only thing to settle you.

you’d do anything to keep that. even if it meant biting your tongue and being ignored a few times a week.

he smiles when you place your hand above his, leaning into his touch. accepting that to have this, you had to take whatever he would give you.

[akascow]

the more posts i see about tua4 the more im convinced none of the writers went back and watched the previous seasons because literally so much is wrong dude HAHA

annoying words under the break and spoilers !!

for starters since when has allison ever helped klaus in the previous seasons🧍🏻‍♀️ it was always diego man. im glad he got to be the fun but very cautious uncle for claire but allison rarely helped klaus with anything except in s2 where they just got drunk together on the kitchen floor HAHA

also lila 'i dont like bracelets' pitts who was already shown making bracelets in 2 (with diego), losing her bracelet at the end of 2, then diego giving it back to her in 3 (and she wore that shit !!) all for it to be thrown away for whatever the fuck happened in the strawberry timeline lol

this ones a throwaway rant but 1) why did none of the fives in that diner experience paradox psychosis and 2) whyd they all look the same lol u cant tell me every five chose to wear the same exact suit with the same haircut (and the same age appearance wise!!)

someone already said this one so dont credit me but five wouldve 1000000% recognized his apocalypse that second he stepped outta that train (by the smell) and would not need to look around for 10 seconds at the debris he spent like 40 years in to clock it as ".....i know this place,, its my apocalypse" lmfao yeah man

not gonna get into this one but raymond "id rather spend a day with you than a year without you" chestnut would never fuckin walk out on allison and claire lol WHAT

anotha one that ppl have already mentioned but ben wouldve told klaus what happened to him when he died right? like he stuck around for 15 years because he wasnt ready to leave his siblings he for sure woulda mentioned it at some point right 🧍🏻‍♀️

and biggest of all (for me bc its been bugging me) but if lila had to be there in the end "otherwise itd just reset again" then why the hell didnt the other oct 1st people need to be there too are we just supposed to forget about them (RAHHH) if the reasoning is that they shouldve never existed (awful reasoning btw) then why do the others get a free pass HUH?? unless theyre like "well the cleanse took over the entire world so they got slorped up too" or "the others died a while ago these 8 are the last marigold kids" which is a stupid cop out and i will not accept it lmao.

also they never went anywhere with reggies alien self HAHA not a problem w me bc i do not care about him at all but like,, why was he an alien (i cant remember if they explained it in the comics but) HAHA whatever man

[saelterlude]

started making this list early (11/02) even though there's no new performance until 16/02 bcs i accidentally found somethings (also bcs I was doing that cursed height ranking).

so here is link click musical clip list pt.3! (pt.1, pt.2, pt.4, pt.5, pt.6, pt.7 here)

37. 15/11/2024, this! the OG hug with Shu Rongbo and Wu Yihan! Back when Shu Rongbo still (attempts to) have canon accurate split bangs and ponytail (unlike now when he has, adorable, messy bangs and a hard-to-spot ponytail), and his jacket still fits lol.

38. 17/02/2024, Cai Qi being a menace at rock paper scissors, Cai Lu being a menace on the sofa (+dog hat), and Wu Yihan being a menace to Hong Guo and they struggle to hold hands?? during curtain call. Also I don't understand why does Wu Yihan look so tiny next to Cai Qi, like? I never thought he was smol before this??

39. 06/01/2024, maybe it's because I was very tired when I found this but Du Guangyi tossing the cushion away like that is exactly my type of humor.

40. 16/02/2024, Let me give you the loudest QL slap you'll ever heard courtesy of Wu Hanglu and Wang Yifei's shoulders. Also, behavior wise Du Guangyi maybe the least LG-like LG actor but god do I like his humor (pls he jumped up the table like a pocong lol, and the way he jump kicked Wang Yifei? He's a Gem.).

(Honestly, I think I can make a whole other list just full of the shit Du Guangyi pulls. He's very mischievous but also giving grandpa. But I won't because @shimmeringweeds is working on a gifset of it <3 Goodluck!!)

41. 21/02/2024, Cai Qi being extra heart hands <3 and Wang Minhui being extra aggressive.

42. 24/02/2024 day, I have nothing to say other than Guo Hongxu is really pretty. No, I cannot explain why i pick this particular clip. Look up stage door pictures from this day too, I swear he's just really pretty on that day.

43. 25/02/2024 day, a second Guo Hongxu clip. Look at him being embarrassed and becoming a loaf.

Counting down to the 100th link click musical performance! These are the official special encore recordings from the musical's weibo acc. So they're modified versions of the actual performance.

Since we're getting into songs outside the usual encore, I'll reference you to this post by @sgdlr-asdfghjkl with lyrics and brief explanation to each song, it's an unofficial transcript but it's the best we currently have.

These first two are "Words Can't Convey My Love" (M07)

44. 20/02/2024, Wang Minhui bets he can confess better than Bai Zhuoming better, sings the confession song and fails miserably. And poor Wu Hanglu accidentally got kicked by Bai Zhuoming.

45. 22/02/2024, You have to watch this one. You have Du Guangyi being the comedic genius that he is, cocky speech, dramatic pause, Lu Guang rizz, pathetic crying, failed confetti. You get the best Wang Yifei outfit, also he's skipping around the stage. And Qian Anqi can't help but laugh too!

46. 23/01/2024, We got "Faith of Friendship" (M05). Teng Chunpeng and Du Guangyi gotta do pushups if they fail to land a shot, and the ending is hilarious, do give it a watch.

*note: You can see how M07 and M05 are actually supposed to go in the bottom of the pt.2 list.

Next two are also of the same song, the extended ver. of the sofa song "Forget About It" (M03). TW: hanging/noose. They take CXS's "I'll hang myself here" joke and put it in the song.

47. 24/02/2024 night, actor/role swap stage! Wu Yihan played CXS, Deng Xianling played LG, and Ding Xingchen played QL. Wu Yihan was definitely having fun howling here. Also, disastrous cast introduction by Ding Xingchen lol.

48. 25/02/2024 day, the actors are the right way around this time with Guo Hongxu, Ji Xiaokun, and Cai Lu. But they're all using different local dialect! You can even see Cai Lu cheats and read from her phone.

49. 25/02/2024 night, "As The Saying Goes" (M08), where mother and son have a quarrel. Cai Qi as CX gets scolded x4 by the rest of the cast as CX's mama. Yes, that includes Wang Minhui putting him in timeout. But there's more!

50. 25/02/2024 night, a very important fancam on the performance above. It's shaky but pls pay close attention to Zhang Jiahao, should be easy, the fancam is focused on him. the wig, the very real fried chicken (i thought it was a fake, it wasn't), he was munching the entire time, and the chair, thank you very much sir. You can even see him offering a bite and getting scolded by Deng Xianling.

(very good, very funny, a very special one fitting for the 50th clip.)

That's all for this list.

Last time I added a bonus clip of Wu Yihan in Love Musical. This time you can have these two bonus clips of Shu Rongbo absolutely slaying it in Hey!Arizona Musical. IDK what it's about but the set and costumes are so damn cool.

[foggyscholar]

taking spanish & ancient greek this year & it's such a culture shock to me bc medschool profs are out for your blood (literally and metaphorically - we do actually use our own blood in practicals frequently enough)

i'm hearing stuff like "good job" and shit, and i didn't even do perfect, and i had less than 40 pages of content to straight memorise for this, like i have not earned this. honestly i got a 90% on my spanish test that i do not think i deserved, like where's the incredibly harsh grading??

genuinely, if you get caught cheating during a test, they just make you retake it. baby, i would've been kicked out before i could finish the word exmatriculation (that one's completely fair, actually)

they're like i know the test is tough and real early in the semester. babygirl, i have four tests next week, two of them are in microbiology and immunoloogy and they're on the same day. oh, and you can only take the microbiology test once and if you fail, you drop out. my first biochem test was like, the second week of school.

and look, i get why medschool is like this and most humanities aren't. most of the reasons are, yk, reasonable. we do have different standards of ethics and there are higher stakes in us learning this content and there just Is more to learn and that's Fair, and we chose this (and i know this because they love to remind us. my physiology prof walked in first day and asked who of us had been brought in handcuffed at gunpoint. code for i may violate the geneva convention against you and i will not feel bad, you chose to be here).

and lots of my profs are, as teachers, wonderful, and as people, nice.

but there is, on a systemic level like - this sort of dehumanisation that you have to learn to inflict upon yourself to survive in this environment. you're a study robot, bleep blorp. you don't get to have basic human needs - you're supposed to regularly self-sacrifice. people need your blood at the end of the day.

there is a systemic level of just like, a lack of humanity extended to us, i think. the times a prof has given me genuine grace are so limited they almost made me cry - that tumblr post about a little relief yk

i think it just wouldn't hurt to acknowledge sometimes that what is expected of us can border on inhumane, and just to say, hey, good job. i know this is hard. you're doing a good job.

if any medstudents are reading this - i know this is hard. you're doing a good job. i see that you're tired. it's okay that you are. you're doing a great job surviving. you matter as a person, too. you matter as a person more than anything.

[presidenthades]

I am doing very minor revisions of Daemon’s Handbook (mostly formatting and continuity errors), and I wanted to do some behind-the-scenes commentary before too much time passes and I forget my original thoughts. Here’s Chapter 7!

(Note that these commentaries aren’t canon to the verse until/unless the author writes them into the series. I might change my mind on a few points later, but these are the thoughts I had while writing.)

If I had to pick a favorite chapter to write, it’s this one. It’s the first post-time skip chapter, so we get to behold all the children (now young adults) in full horny mood.

Also, Alyssa develops a personality, and BOY is it a personality. I originally planned to make her a female version of Aegon III, who is very quiet, but it occurred to me that a hellion would be more fun (and torturous for Daemon, which is the real goal in this fic).

Aegon and Aemond are supposed to return directly to King’s Landing and wait with their family to receive the Dragonstone party, but Aegon decided he couldn’t wait to see Jace again and Aemond only required mild convincing to go along. And yes, the boys took a bath first in some river so they look nice and groomed~

One of Jace’s biggest character quirks is anxiety. She has ALL the anxiety. Comes with being an eldest sibling and second in line for the throne. I don’t consider her shallow, but she perceives her appearance as an important part of her political and social toolkit because the society they live in puts a lot of stock in appearances, especially women’s. So she’s finicky about looking the right part for every occasion. (Also she wants to look nice for her husband whom she hasn’t seen in three years, nothing wrong with that.)

I made Luce a knitter, partly because I’m a knitter and I like incorporating my interests, and partly because I wanted to give her a textile craft that wasn’t embroidery. I hope I’m not being too biased when I say that in this era, knitted products (like socks) are more useful than embroidered products (like fancy handkerchiefs). The practical value of knitting, and it being an acceptable craft for ladies even if it’s not as popular as embroidery, seemed fitting for Luce, who isn’t super conventional but also not a complete rebel. I also really like the imagery of her sending flowery socks to the Stepstones for Aegon and Aemond and Grandpa Corlys to wear.

Daemon is fit for his age, but he’s in his 40s and he’s got a lot of old battle wounds, so chasing around toddlers is fairly strenuous. Also, toddlers are FAST. Alyssa is closer to three than two, and she’s spent her entire life trying to keep up with her older sisters, so she’s got a fairly good sense of balance and isn’t stumbling around as much.

“Pretty girl” is 100% Aegon’s pet name for Jace, and I’m using it gratuitously in one of the sequel fics, which is Jace and Aegon-centric. (I’ll have an update soon on what I’m writing next, but I’ve decided to break down the epic longfic idea into multiple, more manageable mid-length fics.)

Aemond thinks Alyssa is spooked by his eyepatch and scar at first, but she’s actually falling in love at first sight. 😂 She’s got heterochromia so she probably *likes* that his eyes aren’t symmetrical either.

Aegon and Aemond are no longer afraid of Daemon! They’ve seen a lot of shit in the Stepstones, so their middle-aged uncle seems like less of a big deal now. Poor Daemon.

Aegon and Aemond are currently 18 and 16, so I made their stomachs black holes like most teenaged boys. They also have been eating a lot of rations at the Stepstones, even as royal princes, so a “plain” meal at Dragonstone seems awesome.

I have nothing to say about the melons, except that I’m very sorry for Lucera 🥲

Idk why but there’s something about Jace being very dutiful and proper that attracts messy rebels like Aegon and Baela. Opposites attracting, maybe? Kinda like how Luce is on the wilder side but Aemond is super put-together. I’ve thought about a crackish scenario where Viserys messes things up (as usual) and betroths Jace/Aemond and Luce/Aegon. I think Jace and Aemond would get bored with each other while Luce and Aegon might accidentally kill each other.

Jace and Aegon know their siblings are being stupid about their feelings for each other. Jace tries not to meddle (she doesn’t like it when Daemon meddles so she resists the urge), and Aegon makes fun of Aemond in the half-hearted hope it’ll goad Aemond into doing something.

I like to imagine that Luce eventually invents double-entry accounting in this universe. I also think she’s a big fan of the abacus, which is a more visual way of keeping track of numbers. She also likes charts and graphs in general.

The three dragonglass daggers that Luce orders from the blacksmith are for her, Jace, and Joff. (Luce loves all her sisters, but she has a special place in her heart for the three of them who are full-blooded sisters.) Purple for Jace (royal color for the future queen), green for Luce (like the sea and Velaryon colors), red for Joff (Targaryen color, nice and bloody). She isn’t expecting her sisters to use them as weapons; she wanted to make a gesture before Jace’s official wedding, since it marks a huge change in their lives.

I keep describing Luce and Aemond’s relationship in this fic as Pride and Prejudice-esque, and I stand by it. Miscommunication, ego issues, awkward flirting, a failed first proposal. One commenter described Daemon as the anti-Mrs Bennet, trying his best NOT to let the girls marry. 😂 And if we keep the analogy going, Clement Celtigar is Mr Collins while Otto is the closest thing we have to Lady Catherine de Bourgh.

I established in the beginning that Daemon is very bad with feelings. This scene where he tries to comfort Baela is part of his character arc and emotional growth, but he stumbles a few times more before the end of the fic.

I am very pleased that so many readers pinpointed Joff/Daeron as black cat and golden retriever energy, because I was definitely going for that. Daeron spews a lot of word vomit in his one line of dialogue, but you might notice he mentions “I got that thing you really wanted.” See the final scene in Chapter 11 for “that thing.” 👀

Jace is making PR a priority in her reign (and before her reign). She’s observed how loyal the Dragonstone smallfolk are to the Targaryens and wants to spread that loyalty to the realm’s smallfolk in general. This is why she and Aegon do the flight into the city, and why she has her Princess Diana moment on the way to the wedding.

Chapter 8 commentary here

[loversys-x3]

My Midas and his snapshots headcanons

(I try to keep my inclusion to a minimum)

OG Midas - Midas in his prime. I'd put him in anywhere from late 20s to later 30s, perhaps pushing 40 even. Got his shit figured out. Fully transitioned. Had a wife. Divorced said wife. Had a daughter, an equally bad relationship with her, but deep down he cares. (I have to bully him sometimes to make him admit it). Is a lot better with his curse now, avid collector and still a renounced criminal. Had established Ghost and Shadow. Flooded the island.

Midas Rex - I'd like to say this is post loot-shark attack Midas. But hear me out, I say that because I genuinely like to imagine there is absolute jack shit under that armor of his. His entire armor is just pressurized circuitry with the remains of a human head strapped in. I do not like to think he's canon to the current timeline of Fortnite, but he did exist in an older version of the timeline

Shadow Midas - I've seen so many theories about why Shadow Midas canonically exists. My take? He's a dead version of the OG Midas that didn't somehow save himself with the Rex armor post island flood/shark attack. Which means he exists in his own separate timeline as well. His golden touch shifts to the shadow touch (name pending because idk what it's actually called), which has been shown to modify the genetic makeup of organics and the appearances of non-organic objects. He's also like 80% corporeal, but phases through stuff when it's deemed funny.

Marigold - Alright this makes no sense by any means, but I'm gonna take a stretch and say that this is Midas' second daughter. Probably a bit older than Jules, but I feel like she actually comes from a separate timeline that merged with the main one at the time where she was canon. (I don't remember how long ago it's been since she was on the island as an NPC.) I get it, she's female Midas, but. Bird brain and a few interesting tidbits make me feel like they overlap as something other than just snapshots of each other. (And I'm not saying lover because fuck that shit. Midas has tattoos to reference his other daughter, I don't see how this is different.)

Midsummer Midas - I'd like to think he's canon to the main timeline. Where Midas survives and heals from the shark attack. But. He's gone into hiding. And this is probably the last public appearance we see of OG Midas. He's just here to like. Try and be a good father. And try to eat his ice cream, play with a beachball, etc. This is also the variation I stared at to learn about the Marigold's name tattoo on his leg.

Icebound - There's not a lot of documentation on him. I'd like to think he's yet another alternative timeline version of Midas. What significance does he have? I dunno.

Golden Gear Midas - Objectively younger Midas. Probably in the 18 to early 20s range. Vault cracker, criminal for the stacks, street punk in the best way, a bit wreckless, did not have the greatest control of his golden touch (hence the gold patch on his cheek), didn't have his daughter yet nor established GHOST or SHADOW as organizations yet. Personal touch? Pre-transitioned Ftm.

Midas Flopper - Uh. Nonverbal. How he ended up as a thing that exists in the Fortnite universe is a mystery to the loop itself. Unknown why upon consumption it causes a looper to barf up a legendary gun.

There was like two more potential Midas snapshots that were supposed to be counted, but idk what to write about that bony fuck Oro. (I'm 90% sure that's the origin of the golden touch?) Cyclo is also an iffy write for me too because it has the same body mold, but I don't have a clue what his lore actually is. (I think he has to do with zero point or the eye of the storm experiments, but don't hold me to that.)

[try-set-me-on-fire]

Oh I'm such a wimp I don't even wanna think about bad things happening 🫣 But I keep coming back to touch starved, secret caretaking and cry into chest, if you want to talk about any of them?

Well secret caretaking would be kind of a fluffy one! Buck is a pretty stubborn guy when it comes to taking care of himself and asking others for help related to that, so it would be Eddie quietly doing things to make his life easier/nicer while he’s having a tough time. A lot of him being sappy while making sure his ice packs always get back in the freezer, etc.

Haven’t figured out the other two so I’ll just start typing shit out under the cut

Cry into chest…. Not sure what to do about this one…. Maybe I’ll make Eddie cry about something…. Family problems? A nightmare? Buck got hurt and he’s worried? Chris is sick and he’s worried? Or maybe nothing at all has happened but he still is just caught up in an overwhelming feeling of nonspecific worry and frustrated about it because he thought he was past this, The Breakdown ™ was so long ago at this point and like he knows making progress doesn’t mean he magically doesn’t have anxiety anymore and he can have set backs and that’s okay, but he’d been getting better at recognizing when panic like this is coming on and what might trigger it, he’s upset that this blindsided him. Yeah I like that I think I’ll turn that into something…

Touch starved might be another Eddie one. Maybe lawsuit era, maybe post shooting where Ana is there and touches him but he just wants buck, maybe breakdown era where he doesnt see buck anymore and misses him so much but doesnt know how to ask for it, maybe just a general him getting in his head about what kind of touch he’s allowed to have? Like he and Buck casually touched and hugged more in the first season or two they were in and then got a little more distant and that could be characterized as like… in the early days Buck is a friend, its fine to pal around with your friends, but then uh oh the emotions are getting really intense now and you’re not supposed to want to touch your friends this much! Danger! What would the guys on his baseball team have said? What would his dad say? In other words Eddie Diaz Fights The Forces Of Internalized Homophobia. OR I might repurpose and finish this snippet (that I think I’ve already posted before??) about Buck coming back to the Diaz house for the first time after the tsunami

They’re in the locker room, shift over by a good ten minutes, when Eddie puts a hand on his arm. Buck, carefully, doesn’t startle or say this is the second time you’ve touched me in three months out loud.

“You wanna come over,” Eddie says, theoretically a question but presented more like a statement, and Buck should probably feel more annoyed at that except for the fact that there’s a less than zero chance he’d ever say no.

“Yeah,” he says, unnecessarily. “Sure. You want me to grab food?”

So, 40 minutes later, he’s in front of the Diaz house holding a few greasy boxes and worrying that somehow everyone’s taste in pizza has changed since the last time they did this. Eddie’s taste, probably, at nearly years old, has settled such that the most garlic-y option Buck can find is still a safe bet, but Chris is just a kid, getting bigger every day, changing all the time. Three months is an age to an eight year old, maybe pepperoni is disgusting now, embarrassing, food for babies.

So. Buck is standing on the porch, holding the boxes, biting his tongue not to cry wondering what all he might have missed when Eddie pulls into the driveway in his new big truck. He bites down harder because he doesn’t know what he’s allowed anymore, if it would be okay for him to laugh and say what the fuck are you hauling around that you need this much car, Diaz.

Sorry Eddie I will never pass up the opportunity to rage on you for your poor choice of car for city driving

[kaitaiga]

CoD MW OC: Captain Lachlan Jones

G'day everyone! Today I can *finally* introduce you to my second oc, Lachlan! This post will serve as his profile and what not so I hope you like him and look forward to seeing more of him soon! (ᵔᴥᵔ)

*click for better quality!

Edit: also, just realised I forgot his sidearm. Gave him the mags but no gun to go with it HAHA 🤦🏻‍♀️ I’ll add it in soon.

Profile under the cut!

Basics

Name: Lachlan Jones

Nickname(s): Lachie/Lockie, Jonsie, Cap, Boss, old fuck.

Birthday: 1982, aged 40 (2022) in Perth, WA.

Nationality: Australian

Face Claim: Henry Cavill

Height: 194cm

Weight: 96kg

Occupation: 2nd Commando Regiment, B Squadron.

Rank: Captain

Call Signs: Bravo 0-6

Family: Talullah Jones (wife), two children – two daughters, Ava (13) and Mia (8).

Appearance: Brown hair, green eyes, chevron moustache + stubble, thin scar across the left eye that splits into two all the way down to collar bone, large rose tattoo on right side of neck.

Accessories: AMCU Operator cap with Aus patch, Oakley Batwolf sunglasses worn backwards on his head.

Personality and Traits

Look overall once you’ve got to know him a bit and have a few chats, he’s a pretty chill guy, easy-going. Loves a bit of chat or whinge every now and then over a few drinks. You wouldn’t know this at first though since he looks so done with everything and everyone in conjunction with his gruff voice constantly sighing or telling people to go fuck themselves.

In reality, if you catch him at a time when he’s not busy, he’ll be happy enough to have a chat with you (as long as you don’t get on his nerves), same applies for everyone else in the unit. Just for fun, I see him as a guy who likes listening to drama even though he says otherwise - “I don’t have time to care about stuff like that” as he recalls the info the next day.

Though don’t get me wrong, he can lash out quite easily thanks to his developing anger issues after being in the military for so many years as well as family issues I suppose…but he tries his best to control it and is seeking help over it, for the sake of himself and being a good role-model to others and his children.

Speaking of his unit, he can be an absolute hardass on them, putting them through the worse of the worse scenarios so that they’re prepared for anything as well as being an outstanding solider on the field. He just wants them to have the best chance of survival out on field, and all while being one of the oldest members in the unit, shares his many years of experience with them. In short: when training or on operations, he shows little to no mercy on his men, will yell and scream at them to get on top of their shit, and if they don’t, suffer consequences later.

With that being said, he just cares a lot for them like they’re his own, especially the more time they’ve taken to grow and work together. He will check in on them and see how they’re doing like mentally since he knows how taxing this job is on the mind. Sometimes when they’re back in Australia, he’ll take some of them out on trips (like fishing or like driving to a nice Airbnb somewhere) or to grab food.

Pre-MW

Lachlan was born in Perth, WA to his father (who was an ex-SASR solider) and his mother who was a primary school teacher. His upbringing was pretty standard, not much to comment on, went through school pretty smoothly and was in the Aus Army Cadets in high school.

The start of his military career started when he was young. His father was still in the SASR for majority of his childhood and so when he wasn’t on deployment, he would take Lachlan to base a lot, showing him the various equipment, medals and even letting him have a go on the range once he was old enough. After hearing stories from his father and seeing all his achievements, he really was influenced by him to sign up once he was old enough to.

He enlisted at 17/18 (2000), into the Aus. Army where he served as an infantryman for a couple of years before going for commando selection, approximately at age 22 (2004). His father wanted him to go for SASR selection instead to follow his own footsteps, but Lachlan decided that the commandos were more his style.

Sometime during the mid years of him joining the commandos, Lachlan marries his wife and has two children whom he loves dearly. Few years later, they do separate on good terms due to the both of them not being able to sacrifice time for one another, along with Lachlan’s long departures and just the entirety of his line of work in general. He was paranoid about something happening to his family just because of their ties with him. When on leave, they all do meet as much as they can, especially his children who he’ll take care of. In short, he loves his children so very much and does hope to rekindle things with his ex-wife once he leaves 2CDO.

Current Events – Modern Warfare

Just like Damien, he spends most of their time out in the Middle East – Urzikstan – following orders dished out from the Ministry of Defence, unless specifically called upon by Price.

2009: Lachlan joins Lieutenant Price alongside other SAS members to raid a Russian chemical lab whilst also saving Farah and her brother, Hadir.

2019: Seen in Piccadilly and Clean House alongside Damien, Gaz, and Price. Returns to Urzikstan with Damien.

2022: Violence and Timing: help rescue Kate Laswell from AQ fighters.

Sometime in the future: Lachlan states he’s getting a little old for the full-time commando job. He plans to retire from 2CDO and transition into 1CDO (reserve commandos), where he will primarily work in the West Australian Police Tactical Response Group (WAPOL TRG), focusing on domestic counterterrorism.

Involvement with 141

As previously stated, he doesn’t particularly work alongside TF141 very often UNLESS Price specifically asks for his and/or his team’s aid. He’s met some of the members before with Damien, but very rarely do they work together with the full task force.

The two actually go waaaaay back! They’ve been good friends for years, ever since they met at an exchange exercise between 2CDO and SAS when they were both just sergeants. I think they admire each other in the sense that they both hate following certain rules/orders that go against their own morals, so they’re both willing to go against them. They’ve worked together in many operations over the years, either side by side or across the globe, and have earned each other’s trust. In general, they do have similar personalities, but Lachlan is a bit more hot-headed.

In their downtime though, they love bantering. Particularly poking fun at each other’s hats…

 Lachlan has also gotten to know Gaz pretty decently too since he’s always by Price’s side in recent years. He and Price are always talking about Damien and Kyle like proud fathers ;’)

Another interesting note to add is Lachlan’s relationship with Simon Riley, rather than Ghost. There was a line in MWII suggesting Price knew Simon before he became Ghost, so taking reference from this, Lachlan has definitely met him before and has worked with him/trained him.

He could see that Simon was different from the rest of the SAS members in the sense that he was more quiet and observant, but above all, incredibly skilled in a multitude of things. He really took a liking to him – often calling him ‘kid’.

I don’t know Ghost’s lore in the reboot/if it’s the same as the OGs, however, you could imagine when Lachlan met up with Simon after a while he was taken aback by his new identity as Ghost. Of course, he was naturally inclined to ask why Simon had suddenly just changed, but he stopped himself when he looked at his overall demeanour. He knew something had bad happened but ultimately decided it was up to Ghost if he wanted to share.

Again, I don’t know how much Price knows about Ghost’s past but if he does, then Lachlan would too sometime later, either through Price dropping subtle queues or Ghost just outright telling him.

That’s all for now! This post may or may not be updated over time (bc I am incredibly indecisive, and things change over time) so keep a look out 👁️👁️

[cringefaecompilation]

(Haven't seen much of MN, so this is a very incomplete view)

The thing that puts me off trying to get back into it is what seemed a lack of character responsibility/consequence - to npcs, and each other. (again, just from first impressions, and a few things you've mentioned about MN)

I find the suspension of disbelief harder when you feel a person realistically shouldn't be able to act a certain way without push back. (Chetney attacking that shopkeeper then being capture dozens of episodes later for it, people being scared when Laudna does something scary...)

All I can remember is Beau getting flack from the other pcs for being rude, but that's about it?

I'd like to enjoy MN, and you're pretty objective about it, so would you say I'm way off base with my impression of it?

this is kind of a tricky subject to talk about given i doubt i’m very objective but i’ll try my best to work it out. for the most part, i would say your initial impression feels like it's very much rooted in early c2, so we'll work from there.

if it’s a “how dare nobody yell at jester or punch her in the mouth for being annoying to soldiers or goofing off in temples! she should have been punished for not taking things seriously!” put off, that gives off vibes of “how dare fearne never face legitimate consequences for stealing or trying to steal!” sometimes a joke is just a joke and i feel if jester was given anything harsher than getting thrown out of a library it’d feel gratuitous and kind of cruel. i don’t want to watch jester lavorre get the shit kicked out of her for drawing a dick on a building.

if it’s a “i’m disappointed that the characters will make super important game-changing dice rolls that allow them to coast by in the story without much conflict that would have been interesting to explore” put off, then on some level it does bug me too, but what am i supposed to do if the dice decide beau and veth should get out of jail free by jester giving the hag a cupcake or caduceus sneezing and sinking a million ships or bringing back a fan-favorite character? i do not control the way the dice roll.

but if it’s a “this serious rp moment was ruined by a joke or they straight-up forgot it happened or refused to engage with it because it didn’t personally affect them at the time” put off, now we’re getting somewhere. i did notice that post-bowlgate the players basically got scared into being a little less punchy with each other in ways that felt realistic (there’s way more gifsets of beau and caleb being actively aggressive at each other post-molly’s death than prior to it, let’s put it that way) and while i do appreciate a lot of the heart-to-hearts i feel like they can get a little… too nice to each other? some of the best moments in the campaigns are when tensions ride high and it isn’t so "yay look at us we are friends" coded. angel of irons arc you will always be famous!

(will say was horrified when both liam and travis said they might have left the nein 80-90 episodes in. because, holy shit what do you mean you were going to abandon everybody?)

this is a problem with all the campaigns; for example, in campaign three they sped right on past the talking tree the second it gave ashton the info he needed and nobody else got a turn with it, which pissed me right the fuck off. though i appreciate that for the most part we always get conclusions to small things that come back to bite the cast later on even though it has been a pain in the ass watching orym’s arduous journey into class consciousness for the past 40 episodes because of the plot getting in the way of the character moments and i just want it to happen already. i know it’s going to happen but fucking when

the one time i genuinely think there was a moment with an utter lack of responsibility or consequences was how they handled xhorhaus and the kryn dynasty. on some level, sure, ashley had a busy schedule and they didn’t have a lot of time to get into her backstory with it but they really did just speedrun getting the bright queen on their side and the moment they had her trust, away went them interacting with the war or with anti-monster sentiment. which felt double weird given fjord and how he was bullied for being half-orc but when it came to that possibly getting addressed in that context… crickets.

and of course… essek. the guy who kind of ruined countless lives without them knowing it. and i agree with caduceus that punishing him then and there wouldn’t bring back all the people he hurt. i can see how caleb could tie his own struggle believing the lies of a superior to his. but then, it’s kind of uneven. caleb was a teenage boy and essek was an adult man. nothing that the nein did or attempted to do (veth threatening to reignite the war as payment for the hag does not count as actually doing it!) possibly matched up to the actions he chose to perform with no coercion. they were also under no pact to allow him to brainwash someone into thinking they did it with the only excuse being “he was a jerk to essek and we like essek!” and having that total stranger getting his life ruined to end the war with zero fanfare.

there could have been an interesting story beat there with someone they trusted and saw as a friend turning out to be a traitor, but they said no, so let’s throw in a sexy beholder to be the last bbeg! and then we can mug an old guy and oops we only have five minutes left in the campaign, let’s set up a five-year-plan to stop the empire which we just now decided needs to go.

i was told there apparently was a huge argument at the end of campaign two about the ending feeling like neoliberal feel-good “change the system from the inside!” trash and while i wouldn’t go that far, i’d say it’s so disappointing because you know it’s not going to work. you know that you can’t change the system incrementally and eventually it’ll be too much to handle and blow up in your face.

conversely, campaign three’s biggest flaw is how violently it shatters the illusion of a perfect fantasy world and makes it impossible to enjoy previous campaigns without that nagging feeling in the back of your head. it shows the world’s ugliness in full overdrive that even a fantasy world is not exempt from. and that can be jarring for people who were just here to turn their brains off and enjoy people doing stuff alongside blue people and magic and the lack of downtime added to that can make people feel like they're just going through the motions or listening to a boring worldbuilding infodump

so i guess, sure, if you’re annoyed by a noticeable lack of consequences with character actions that either get brushed off as jokes or are never fully explored due to the players’ own incuriousness, then you might wanna watch crit recap animated for mighty nein or wait until the cartoon comes out. if you can overlook that, i say give it a shot! it’s still a good story even if i feel like it could have been better had they tried to take more risks and not be so safe with it.

[dsimeon]

Okay, so… Lesson 40 spoilers ahead. I have many thoughts. Be warned, not all thoughts are positive.

Alright, so… We all know the general thoughts and feelings about the writing in nightbringer especially. I’ll touch on that later- but I will say, i sure as hell don’t think it was good in this most recent lesson.

First, I will say- I did greatly enjoy the individual moments with each of our boys. You’ll never guess who my favorite was- no, don’t look at the blog name- shit, yeah, it was Simeon. A close second was Barbatos, and following that, I loved Solomon in the whole lesson.

Simeon’s individual time was adorable. I loved the callback to the previous lesson. Giving him his own advice, and getting the option to cover his eyes for him as well? I think that was a nice touch. I also loved how we could see the seed of distrust planted in Simeon. We got to see him begin questioning his Father, which I think was actually very interesting. There Will be writing based on that coming from me at some point lol.

Next, Barbatos. I’ve seen other people talking about it, but… He knows. Barbatos SO knows. I loved how they hinted at him knowing that we aren’t from that time.

Lastly on the individual characters, Solomon! Normally, in OM, things that happened a while ago just straight up get forgotten, or brushed under the rug if they conflict with something new. I fully expected that to be the case with telling him his food is hot garbage. But it was very fun to see his endeavors in cooking once more, and actually succeeding with the help of Luke and Barbatos! I still feel bad about telling him the truth, but hey… someone had to. And we had a nice moment where his food was actually appreciated for it!

Now… That’s about all the positive things I have to say about this chapter. Please, click away if you don’t want to see criticism.

So… The goodbye felt lacking. The whole thing did, honestly- but the goodbye especially. You mean to tell me that we spent months building up to this epic moment where we are supposed to be going back home and… That?

1: the whole portal thing was absolutely pulled out of someone’s ass. Unless anyone remembers something I don’t- there was absolutely 0 mention of some hole in the sky that was meant to take us home. It makes no sense, either. We had the OPTION to wait until the founding ceremony, according to Solomon. That’s what made it special, in my opinion. The whole thing felt like laziness and rushed explanation. It feels as though they just didn’t want us to see Lucifer’s speech and wanted some excuse for the boys to “sacrifice” something for us, but really- there’s no reason.

2: You mean to tell me we really didn’t get to figure anything out about nightbringer? I want to be able to say that I trust the writers to give us more on nightbringer in the later lessons, but… We all know how much Solmare loves to just brush things under the rug. I wouldn’t be shocked if we got a half assed explanation, or even just ignored the whole nightbringer dudarino entirely.

3: Now, I can’t personally attest to it since I don’t give as many fucks about the hard lessons… But from what I hear, the hard lesson 40 was kinda bullshit. You’ll have to look for someone else’s explanation (or please, post your experience here!) but basically, from what I gathered, it also seemed very half assed.

4: This one is maybe more subjective, but… It bothers me a LOT that we never came clean. We made this big deal about having the brothers and everyone else trust us, but at the end of the day? We were no better. We hid a huge secret. And, don’t get me started with the whole “we can’t say anything because it will alter timelines” bullshit, because what the hell is the excuse with lesson 16 in OG? We died, then showed up again back then. That’s pretty groundbreaking shit.

ADDITIONALLY… Would that not give something for us to overcome? What is the point of storytelling if not to give the characters a problem? Say the timeline went fucky because we said something- I think that’s a way more entertaining tale than if everything went perfectly according to plan.

I’m really, really irritated that the MC had to be so hypocritical. How is it fair that we demand the trust from others if we won’t place our trust in them?

So… There are my thoughts. I don’t think my experience is universal- people are 100% free to disagree. But, with this being the season finale, I feel it was so… so lacking. Please, share your thoughts!

[the-invisible-queer]

How does a grown man beef with a child? Was it his daughter in the kitchen with your brother? Because if so that admittedly is a poor tactical choice.

And yes please give us all the decade old tea I bet it’s still good. Don’t even bother with pseudonyms if you don’t feel like it

OH BESTIE

Buckle the fuck UP and I'll drop initials so I don't get sued because the youth pastor is currently in a legal suit against his own father rn THE TEA IS PIPING

Our Characters:

Eddie - My older brother

R - Senior pastor

M - Youth pastor

M&M - M and his wife because they both suck and are one entity in one story

G - R's current wife

E- R's ex wife BUT NOT M'S MOM

JK - E & R's son

I've got 3 stories so it's long as fuck. There's aren't the only scandals just the main ones that have to deal with M's bitch ass. I can't wait to hear that he died. I'm gonna piss on his grave.

SO Eddie got the title of "junior youth leader" when he was like 15/16 because he WAS the youth group. People only showed up to hang out with him. He knew everyone. He knew everything that was going on. He was the one keeping the peace because we were ROWDY fucking kids.

FOR THE RECORD Eddie's kitchen fingering was not with M's daughter. It was with his first girlfriend.

Story 1: Local trashy white man picks on Puerto Rican teenager

Eddie is actually the reason M's daughter's bathroom fucking scandal wasn't a FULL scandal. He kept that shit underwraps and stopped the gossip because he was friends with both parties involved.

M wasn't our original youth pastor. We used to have this ANGEL named Tim but he moved out of state so R gave the job to his son. I never liked M and then when he gave me shit for taking Fridays off because I was exhausted from school I hated him. He was NOT meant for that position. I think he only got it because he was a big kid (derogatory).

NO ONE liked M. Deadass no one came to youth group for the lesson. We came to hang out with out friends we only got to see on the weekends.

Literally the beef STARTED because Eddie was smoking off property BEFORE youth group with a few other teens. M didn't like that because he's supposed to be an example.

Keep in mind Eddie was 16yrs old. Living in an abusive household. Taking the brunt of the physical abuse from our mom because he protected us. And he was a poor kid going to a private school and had to keep a certain GPA to stay. Man was stressed and JUST wanted to smoke before he had to go infront of his peers and friends act like everything was perfect and he was hyped for God for 2-3hrs every weekend.

So for like 2 months M and Eddie were going back and forth on Facebook. Indirect posts, comments. EVERYTHING WAS OUT IN THE OPEN! Eddie refused to move it to DMs because he's not stupid. If this grown man wants to act a fool he was going to do it in front of EVERYONE!

Like M was judging him so brutally and pulling out Bible verses out of his ass. It was annoying.

It came to a head when R basically told my dad to control his son. Imagine being I'm your late 40s with a son in his late 20s picking a fight with a 16yr old. And you blame it on the CHILD!

That obviously didn't sit well with my dad.

And it wasn't like my dad was just some dude. My dad was head of security. My mom was heading the baby/toddler care classrooms.

We were at the church SEVERAL days out of the week.

That was my second home at that point. It's the church I grew up in.

WE WERE PART OF THE CHURCH!

So we kind of started getting pushed out of the church. I believe we had been there for like 11 years at that point.

We finally left after a year of the awkwardness and feeling like it wasn't home anymore.

Story 2: Death, Devastation, and Divorce

This one is rough. Deals with losing a child. And is still very much a story that hurts me 19 years later.

In 2005, R and E's son, JK, who was only 7 at the time died on an amusement park ride. He was a friend of mine and I was absolutely fucking devastated.

R and E were still married and E was the worship leader at the time.

And it was FUCKED UP devastating. Because E took JK's body home and prayed over him for 3 days for God to resurrect him. Like she admitted this in front of the entire congregation. What made her stop and accept it was he came to her in a dream and told her he was not leaving heaven.

There was a huge rift at the church over it. Instead of people supporting R grieving his baby half of the church ended up leaving following this.

People didn't like that R rightfully took a break from preaching despite E still heading the worship team. He had guest pastors come in and give sermons. I think he took 3 months off.

During this time E had an affair with the man who she is now married to.

So obviously R and E divorced. Got in front of the whole congregation and broke the news. E left the church and opened a little cabaret theater with the money from the amusement park lawsuit from JK's death. E took all the money from the lawsuit because R didn't want it.

Even though I think he could have out some of that money towards the church but I digress.

A few years later R met and married G and they're still together. I adored G and still very much hope she's doing well.

Story 3: NEW TEA POPPING OFF AS WE SPEAK

SO I can't remember the date but I had a dream that Joe and I visited a church in Texas and it happened to be pastored by R. It was a weird dream because I hadn't thought of R in years and why was he in Texas?

TURNS OUT during COVID R and G sold the church and moved to Texas. I HAD NO IDEA THIS HAPPENED!

And the day I had the dream R&G posted on their Facebooks EXPOSING E, M&M and some other not important assholes from the church.

THE FUCKING DRAMA

So when G came into the picture people were weird obviously. She wasn't E. And some Christians don't believe in divorve and remarrying.

But what R&G exposed was some of the leaders didn't accept her. E still had loyalties within in the church. WHICH IS WILD!remarriage. She had spies.

Also despite E getting all the lawsuit money from JK's death, in the divorce she fought for alimony on top of child support. R and E had another daughter.

R claims she had 10% of his salary. He didn't fight or stand up for himself because he was trying to make it as quick and clean as possible for their daughter.

He also took accountability for not protecting and defending G from the sharks in the church's leadership.

E and her spies at the church made R and G's lives a living hell behind the scenes. AND NO ONE KNEW!

And even now that R and G are on the other side of the country E and M&M are still making their lives hell, trying to claim their new ministry is fraudulent.

Imagine caring that hard.

NOW let me tell you about M&M! So M married M² and I had no issues with M² but now as an adult I realize if she chose and married that piece of shit why wouldn't she also be a piece of shit?

So R alleges in his post that M&M did some sketchy ILLEGAL shit in the church that made him ask them to step down from leadership instead of throwing their asses in jail which they didn't like. Which at that point should have just sent them to jail.

He didnt specify because M&M/E and R&G are currently suing each other. It's a big MESS!

And after M&M were forced to step down they left the church and moved to NC.

And M&M/E we're trying to turn the rest of R's family (his mom and siblings against him) but fortunately they all knew better.

People mentioned in the lawsuits are people from the church my family knew personally.

Mostly all people I never fucking liked too. Which is why I trust my gut about people always.

It's a WHOLE thing and my mom is watching Facebook for updates.

[simulation-machine]

Update like, 11? 10?: The Great CC Purge of 2024

I’m on the like, third round of purging CC because now my game won’t load and I’m having such a time trying to find out what tf is causing this problem. I’ll 50-50 and everything loads but the second it all loads together the game is like, lol nah.

So I’ve decided that if this current round doesn’t work I’m just gonna go mostly clean slate. I’ll back up all the CC I have now just in case any other creators quit and delete their stuff, but in the actual game I’m gonna delete absolutely everything except the mods and the Maxis Match CC I know for a fact I’ll use. And I’ll be so much choosier.

I’d be going pretty much pure Maxis Match too.

But who knows, maybe this final purge will be the one and everything will be fine! The Orsons and others will definitely need to be touched up but it’ll be better than not playing the game at all, y’know?

Vagueposting about life stuff below. Gets mildly trauma dumpy? TW: family stuff, parentification, anxiety, freaking tf out about a C-

So, family drama is still proving to be exhausting. I’m out of spoons but being told like, “hey, we’ll accept sporks! Maybe even any butter knives you have too!”

The curse of being the eldest child, I stg. I’m like thiiiiiis close to 40 and it never goes away.

Also I got a C- on one of my midterms. I’ve literally never beefed a test this badly. And it’s in a class that is totally in my wheelhouse. I could make excuses about how the teacher is very hands-off, only offers four tests and a paper and no extra credit, and how stressful family stuff has been. But my head isn’t really in the school game atm and I guess eating shit on this test was the real wake up call?

I’m not gonna dwell on it too much. If I get a B, I get a B. Fortunately I’m doing great on all of my other classes. My GPA won’t even get dinged at this point. I’m just a total try-hard and the bad grade flicked my fragile ego a bit too hard.

Things still stand: no one is dead or dying, I’m not the one going through the worst of it. But as the eldest, (and thanks to parentification that started waaaay too early in life), I feel immensely responsible for my family and worry all the dang time about them. I almost didn’t go to art school when I was 19 because I legit thought my family would fall apart without me. They didn’t, btw, I’m just dramatic. And by dramatic I mean neurotic and anxious.

The Sims have always been a way to hyper control *something* because I went through a lot of life feeling like everything could turn on a dime or slip away from me. Stories can’t do that to me; I’m the boss of my stories.

Anyways. This was supposed to be a quick li’l update but instead turned into a straight up 2006 LiveJournal post. Dang. Off to play some BG3 for a bit!