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#this was way too long i have an essay im not writing
knockknockitsnickels · 7 months
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"People are mean to Lionblaze his chapters aren't boring" You fools. I love Lionblaze because his chapters are boring.
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spiritsong · 5 months
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wyll.y.am ravengard, I love you so
everyone loves to put him in gold (rightly so) but my personal style is lots of silver jewelry + heavy eyeliner so that's what I gave him. also roses because he's so damn venusian
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shepscapades · 5 days
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shep. i finished xisuma's s8. i am plagued with so many thoughts /silly
Oh my gognfjgmgimfggfmgnmfdnffgh it’s. It’s so much. I have so much to say and so many thoughts they make me so crazy. They make me so crazy THEY MAKE ME SO CRAZY IS THIS THING ON CAN ANYONE HEAR ME
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bmpmp3 · 4 months
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sorry to be a bit of a hater but i do wish youtubers weren't so scared of making their videos just like, "reviews", whys everything gotta be a "video essay" all the time. every day my recommendations are filled with 40 minute videos titled "_____: An Underrated Masterpiece" where the first like five minutes are reading the wikipedia definition of "masterpiece" in a somber voice with dramatic themed text on screen. please just tell me how good or bad you think something is and use the rest of the runtime to explain why. you dont need to put on all these airs
#i know the ahem. channel. of some awe....... that whole situation kind of scared people off from using the word review#but like we live in the future now. you can make a review. i believe in you#AND LIKE i like a good video essay!! but im picky. because i read academic shit for fun#when i see a capital E essay im expecting theses. im expecting sub headers. im expecting multiple examples AND footnotes with asides#(and i know this is a controversial topic but i do expect them to be long. because if you read aloud a 4 page journal article its gonna)#(take a bit of time LOL maybe i just read too much academia shit. but i dunno man. theres not a lot you can say about like a big huge)#(topic with multiple angles if you only have like 10 minutes. maybe i just talk too slow. i need to breath <3 )#theres other formats too. surveys. retrospectives. informative essays. persuasive essays. etc#and like i also read lots of reviews not just of like movies and books but of like gallery exhibitions and shit!! they can be extremely#interesting a lot of work and some really beautiful writing!! nothing wrong with a review!!! theyre important#but i do get annoyed with like. the odd air of pretention i see in a lot of video essays. especially cause its usually not backed up by#the content. i dont care for those airs in academia either. nor do i like it in documentaries#just talk naturally. you'll find your voice. there might be pretention in it in the end but it'll be yours#if im making sense. i hear a lot of people talking in a pretention that is not their own. something they put on because thats what they#think they should do. you need to find your own pretention. be pretentious in a way that feels natural to youuuuuu#hell im being pretentious. about this LOL but like its my own. it is a pretentiousness ive built over the past half decade#play around. write a blog. i dunno. find your voice dear youtubers. find your voice
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youraverageaemondsimp · 11 months
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Writing a 500 word fic: meh, a drabble.
Writing a 500 word essay for my english class: oh my god jesus fucking christ, this is way too long how can a human even write these many words???
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ajdrawshq · 9 months
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Is there any non-spoilery way you could talk about how isat isn't just about timeloops? because like I do want to check the game out eventually for sure if only because indie fun times but I'm busy for a while before I get the time and tbh I'm just not as curious because I don't know how it's gonna break that formula (also ngl no colors makes me lose 50% interest because I like. looking at colors. lots.)
UHM OK WELL UM. hm. how DO i do this without spoiling anything. im very not good at describing things especially things i Really enjoy so how do i put this . hold on i might need to look at some reviews so i know how to words. ok
as a disclaimer i havent fully interacted with a lot of (if any??) media that has timeloops so i cant say for certain what it does differently from similar media that makes it stand out from others. at the same time ive never seen something that is so directly About Timeloops in this way even if i consider stuff ive heard about in passing but i could be wrong (madoka n utena come to mind ?). ill try to think abt the things that arent Just timeloop related plus the stuff u mentioned and hope that helps it feel more interesting and less generic?
i think one of the main things i can say is that it Really makes you feel what the protagonist is feeling. more than anything ive ever watched or played or whatever . and thats saying a LOT given how much i empathize with protags in games. and its not even just an empathy thing here. both the story progression and the gameplay work in such a way that you experience pretty much everything the same way they do, while still having their own personal stuff u can learn about of course
on that note tho. that is actually something to be careful of for a few reasons. i know ur generally pretty good with darker content so i doubt thatll be a problem for u here (its not that bad tbh but there is IS a warning when u open the game/look at the steam page and it aint lying) but. due to the nature of timeloops. it CAN get tiring and this is very much intended. and this helps a lot w the story and themes in a way that its. like. think how kh days does repetition on purpose. its a lot like that (although i had way easier of a time getting thru isat than days? i cant remember how u feel abt days' gameplay but i think it was positive ? either way getting thru isat was way more bearable than days imo). it does do a good job at balancing this with a couple mechanics that mean u dont have to repeat everything all the time (i had like. Very few actual full loops by the time i finished) and theres ALWAYS new things happening, even if ur super thorough with everything. its pretty easy to do things at whatever pace u feel like and if u wanna focus on the main story only to make it easier it wouldnt take too much away from the experience (tho i do encourage talking to the npcs at least a few times), and theres always a goal to work towards. also dialogue skipping and the banana peel are ur best friends
sort of adding onto that. it really, really helps that u are sharing the experience with the protagonist. not only does that help u relate to them (even if u dont share as many traits w them as i do akvdjsn) but theyre probably the most beloved character in the game and for good reason!! its really fun to see their interactions with the rest of the main cast and the npcs, and watch them all develop in different ways throughout the game. and my goodness all of the characters are beautifully written - at first ur kinda thinking ok its a ragtag group of sillies in an rpg whats new. but their personalities and relationships and hobbies and problems and everything about them is just so well done.. they feel so natural. human even. every conversation feels real to me. one of the main themes of the game is the concept of change, and each of them represent and approach it differently, both positively and negatively. its hard not to fall in love with them as individuals and as a group because they just have so much going on, even the ones i didnt expect to like at all!!
the worldbuilding is also a fun spin on fantasy rpg worlds. it mostly revolves around the area u play in bc well. of course it does. but its vv interesting to learn about all the different cultures within the world and how they interact with and build on the themes of the game. theres all sorts of queer stuff going on and its all handled like a love letter to people who relate, and i can feel it even with what i dont relate to at all!! the way "magic" works and the ways people use it in battle and everyday life is super cool too, makes the whole thing feel a lot more believable and realistic :3 i dont wanna talk abt any specifics bc its more fun to learn abt this stuff ingame
OH AND THE TEXT.. EFFECTS?.. idk what to call that but the way dialogue (both internal and external) is written and programmed is funky as hell (affectionate). it was weird at first bc oftentimes (mostly for humor) its like. almost the way i type actually?? which feels strange in a legit game but it Works. it works so well and adds tone and vibes and a Voice in a way u usually cant get in a game without any voice acting. deltarune is also good at that but this one does it differently enough for me to consider it unique
HAVE I MENTIONED THE ART STYLE i love the art style . its so charming and expressive especially all the talking sprites n battle portraits. simultaneously silly n adorable while fully capable of being serious. and creepy. anyway look at the sillies i love them n their designs dearly (especially Siffrin (1st on the left) and Mirabelle (2nd on the left))
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also on that note, the lack of colors....... i both totally understand being put off by that (i also love looking at colors n this part made me feel weird abt it when i was thinking abt getting it at first) and personally enjoy it? without saying anything spoilery (bc its really not), its just another part of the worldbuilding and themes that i now find really fun :3 should be noted that i usually have an anti blue light filter so it mightve been easier to look at w the yellowish tint going on. maybe it even looks better that way ? kinda reminded me of old films now that i think abt it.. neat!!
as a last thing i couldnt quite insert somewhere else. it is equal parts a comedy and a tragedy, and it is so, so effective at accomplishing this. the humor is fantastic and adds to the games' and characters' personality, every tragic moment is . for lack of a better word or phrase. absolutely fucking delicious. and i adore how well it can shift from one to the other gradually or in an instant, or just be both at once!!!! yippee!!!!!!!
aaand thats all i can say. i have no idea if that cleared anything up BUT i encourage u to give it a try bc i do think youd like it in the end. u probably wouldnt finish it as fast as i did but that might be a good thing jfbskndj but yeah!!!! in stars and time!!!!!! its good and i love it!!!!!!!!
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theamazingannie · 2 years
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Tbf that HR interview pissed me off; Nancy, Judd and Matteo were so unprofessional not to mention fatphobic and mean.
If I talked like that at work I would have been pulled into a disciplinary so fast.
It actually put me off the characters, and how they defend Owens actions and speak about people is awful.
Like, I’m sure Carlos has done bad stuff and y’know ACAB but at least he has called out Owens and the others bullshit.
You’re so right and that was definitely something that bothered me while watching but I didn’t make a separate post about it because there was literally so much to talk about in this episode and I’m afraid of spamming the tag because I’ve gotten death threats about that before lol but I DO want to talk about this.
This episode really icked me out tbh because the A plot was very anti-PC culture and they do about it very carefully by choosing the specific topic they did. If they had someone nonblack use the n-word or a straight person use the f-word, then it would have been a lot more serious. But because they instead had the word be “crazy”, a word that most people (including a lot of neurodivergent people) don’t really consider that bad, they were able to create this environment of “anyone who doesn’t use perfect language all the time is bad except they’re actually not because who cares?” and not properly addressing it, in my opinion. By making this event cause Marjan, a fan favorite character, leave the show, they’ve changed it from “we should really address the harmful words we use without thinking and how that could affect people but also acknowledge that these are words we’ve all used for a long time and has only recently come into question and not everyone is going to instantly be able to adapt, especially in the moment” to “look at this terrible PC culture that made a brown Muslim woman the victim!”
And, as to your point, they also do this with the comments by the 126 in their interviews, making light of their harmful behaviors and words they have said on the job because those behaviors were “justified” and because they were done by characters we like, that means they aren’t bad, right? And this is what people mean when they say that media has real life consequences because now we have these hero firefighters that we like going genuinely bad things but that is swept under the rug because if they’re doing it, it can’t be bad. And this reinforces that mindset in the minds of viewers who feel validated in their beliefs because if the good friendly firefighters do it, they can, too.
There’s also much to be said about having their main police character be a gay man of color, but this is already too long. Hopefully I worded everything the way I meant to in my mind, but I just really took issue with a lot of the behaviors of the 126 this episode and how the plot went down. I’m a leftist with very conservative parents who studied persuasion techniques in college, so I’m always putting myself into the shoes of various types of viewers and how they might interpret it, and this one just rubbed me the wrong way. I encourage others to provide other opinions if I missed anything or if you don’t agree and see it another way! Just please stop sending me death threats over my opinions on a tv show😅
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maschotch · 2 years
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hi again!
i am naturally ever so soft for emily prentiss but oh my GOODNESS that beautiful character study?
“there was always a sickening layer of sin over her skin” — my God. How painfully true. And she knows it too, the look on her face at the end of Demonology as she gazes up at the church with that little bit of blood trickling out her nose says it all. 😭
and is there anything more heartbreakingly accurate to described Hotch than “A calculated tenderness.” 🥺💛
i loved it 💛
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ahhh this is so nice!!
i really don’t write emily as much as i should but it’s hard to convey her energy… soo much of her character is dependent on pg’s mouth movements delivery, and it’s hard to hit that sweet spot between free-spirited and caring
akhdksh i really didnt intend that sin part to be a reference.. i was actually a little reluctant bc im rarely willing to casually slip in some religious-type word, but “she felt icky” didnt seem to cover itskdjskhx but i like the parallel! i probably have more to say on emily and religion but i couldnt think of any other way to describe just how ingrained her regret is and how everythings shes done feels like a permanent stain that she can never wash off
“calculated tenderness” WAS intentional bc i feel like it really does encapsulate his behavior. hotch being reserved yet unabashed in his kindness is such a weird contradiction (which again id like to give credit to the actor for) but it suits him so well. he’s either afraid to feel or express his love, but he can’t help it. and i think each member of the team comes to realize the depth of his affection in their own time.. emily just happens to be incredibly observant, so i think she notices it the fastest (especially bc she witnessed it before she experienced it for herself). i could really talk ab this all day skdhskd
#ok see the reason i dont write character studies that often is because i can talk for sooooo long ab them#and i love talking about it so i love that you sent this ask—i just have to stop myself from writing an essay in response#it fucking sucks bc it seems like sometimes the team just… forgets that hotch cares and they have to relearn that all over again#which is some fucking bullshit#garcia does it the most—which is kinda odd tbh bc she tends to look on the bright side#she’s so brave and open about who she is but for some reason she’s insecure when it comes to hotch#even tho he’s never reprimanded her.. she thinks she’s constsntly disappointing him#reid forgets ab how much hotch cares pretty often but tbh its somethin he unintentionally does w everyone#he can get stuck in his own little bubble sometimes and i think he just? forgets that other people experience emotion?#(when i talk ab reid being emotionally immature this is always what im talking about)#derek forgets in his own way… like… he always knows that hotch cares for the team#he just forgets that that includes HIM#akdhskhd idk how it happens but its like he doesnt realize that he’s loved as an individual#emily does something similar… she recognizes that hotch cares ab the team (including her)#but she feels guilty about it#she subconsciously distances herself from the rest but its too late: hotch cares about her too#and i dont think hotch can stop caring once he starts#asks#n e ways. skipping the update today akdhsk i’ll either post two tomorrow or three on friday#ive got two exams tmrw so obviously instead of studying or writing i had to obsess over mob psycho#priorities
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skrunksthatwunk · 1 year
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I THINK I DID OK ON MY FRENCH EXAM???????? HOURRA!!!!
#LIKE THERE IS NO WAY IM GETTING A 1 KIND OF OK. 3 IS FEASIBLE 4 IS POSSIBLE 2 IS ALSO POSSIBLE. ALRIGHT!!!!!#the multiple choice had me stabbing and clawing at my legs the whole time it was AWFUL i couldnt tell what they were saying at ALL#but i think i was able to fake it decently well we'll see#the email response was alright (though i didnt close elegantly oops)#and the essay was surprisingly good??? i fully didnt do half the essays we were assigned (sorry madame </3) but i finished before time was#up. and it was pretty ok too as far as little french essays go#i fully didnt respond to like 3/5 prompts in the conversations task lol. that's a 1 for sure and i knew that going in#not my best but pretty comparable to most of my performances on the task prior. me when audio processing#AND THE CULTURAL COMP WAS ON ONE OF THE ONLY TOPICS I COULD CONFIDENTLY SPEAK ABOUT LET'S GOOOOOOOO#i was SO excited when i saw that lol. yes thats MY topic of choice hehehe#waaaaaaahhh im so happy it's over!!! i was so scared!!!!! plus it was like 4 hours long which is fucking bonkers to mr#i thought the mcqs would be like 60 mins but no. ig bc of the audio prompts#sheeshhhh i can barely even feel scared about The Problem from earlier today bc im sooo happy (<- this will have consequences later)#anyway the writing tasks in particular made me feel like i knew a lot more french than i thought. makes me wanna continue it even though#my incentive's gone :))#and i mean. we'll see ig. but I'd love to get better at it. the hope is that im gonna sunk cost fallacy my way into fluency basically#anyway hellll yeahhhhh#mwah mwah#etc
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stormyoceans · 2 years
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The only scene i wanted to change was this scene with Day's friend/badminton partner because let's be real thai series can't make good jealousy plots (yet?). But your remark about wanting to see Mork falling in love made me think so hard about it i think i had a whole ted talk in my head uvuctxj
So as we all know the stereotypical division of roles is common inThai dramas (I'm talking about the role of the one who initiates and the role of the one who accepts). I would say that puentalay are better in this regard but it still feels like Jimmy is the initiator in their pair. I think it's normal for Thai culture (he's older, he's more experienced, he even has more acting experience, he's a doctor, which drives everyone crazy). And the dynamic of the daymork is similar, only in my opinion, they are more open. Puen and Talay both seemed to be hiding some part of themselves for different reasons. I got the impression that Mork and Day wouldn't be like that. it will be easy for them to fall in love with each other. But damn, I wish I could see the reverse dynamics.... those rare moments when Sea led and Jimmy played shyness were good. and I understand that Mork is a big flirt, but if Aof made him more shy and yk besotted after realizing his feelings for Day, it would be just amazing. So yes, i demand scenes of Mork visibly being affected by Day. Let the man be smitten and blushing and kicking his feet and smiling widely because of Day
ALWAYS HAPPY TO PROMPT ELABORATE DISCUSSIONS WITH ONESELF BECAUSE THAT'S BASICALLY ME EVERY DAY IN MY HEAD SFJKSGFKGSJSG
you know.. i do wonder if the industry expects us to perceive jimmy's characters as the active pursuers just because he's older than sea, but i've actually been thinking that, at least in vice versa, the narrative doesn't really back this up. i guess this can be up for interpretation, but while there is a slight power differential in puentalay because talay is usually more shy and puen more 'aggressive', i feel like there's no established seme/uke dynamic between them, which is yet another reason why i love them so much (and please notice that im using 'seme' and 'uke' just because BL has its roots in yaoi and those terms carry a whole lot of specific characteristics that have defined BL pairings for a long time too)
it's true that puen is the one to pursue the relationship more, but the relationship actually happens only on talay's 'conditions': only when talay admits to like him back puen kisses him again, only when talay tells puen that he has opened his heart to him a long time ago they officially become boyfriends. there are also moments where talay IS the more 'aggressive' one, either consciously (when he makes puen shy in ep 4) or unconsciously (when he manhandles puen out of tess' shirt in ep 7), and this versatility in their relationship is also displayed by the way they easily exchange roles in some tropes: for example, we see puen feeding talay very often, but we also see talay feeding puen in a couple of occasions, and similarly we have both puen laying his head on talay's lap AND talay laying his head on puen's lap
all this to say that i actually think (and hope) we're probably gonna have a similar situation with morkday, because while mork definitely seems like a big flirt and day is visibly affected by it, in the trailer day is actually the one we see initiating a kiss BUT NOT SEEING MORK REACTION IS KILLING ME. so i guess this is why i would have loved to see mork being affected by day as well, because they have the potential to have the same versatility as puentalay while also having day being the more 'aggressive' one when it comes to pursue an actual relationship!!!
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springcatalyst · 2 years
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*banging on your door* I'D LIKE TO HEAR ABOUT JULIAN, LILIANA, UND BROOKE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE.
What are their final thoughts in the dark silence of night before they sleep? How do they sleep?
How do they choose their clothes when purchasing and dressing?
What is a fear that they cannot pull themselves away from? They need it, and they hate it.
OMG HELLO HI HELLOOOOOOOO i am taking ur coat like a victorian gentleman and inviting u inside.  These are so specific and dramatic i love
AHEM
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Sleep, rather, the moments right before it, is when a person is at their truest.  You can’t really hide from it.  So those final thoughts are typically a lens into the basal forms that make up a character.
Liliana is a character that’s very true, very genuine, so her sleeping mind doesn’t show much that you wouldn’t expect, because there’s not a lot that she hides, at least not from herself.  She’s obsessive: stuck (though ‘stuck’ implies that she’s here by some force other than her own) in this quest that she’s been trailing for years, getting closer but not in any way that’s tangible.  She goes to sleep with ‘what next’ floating around in her skull, and dreams of a goal reached.  And she sleeps like the dead, but only because she puts it off for as long as she can.  Not that she avoids sleep itself, though, rather she stays up and works until she can’t stay upright anymore.  She is laser-focused, set on her task.  It can benefit her, in certain conditions, but mostly it leaves her running on so little sleep she has trouble functioning. Her being a satyr means her sleep schedule doesn’t quite align with a ‘typical’ one anyway, but she definitely fucks it more and also that’s not set in stone atm.
Julian, on the other hand, is a liar and he hides just about everything about himself, including from himself.  Julian and Liliana are similar in a lot of ways but this is not one of them.  So his unconscious truth doesn’t always align with what he appears to be.  It’s careful.  It’s somatic: a sort of ‘is the door locked is the knife within reach is the cane by the bed,’ but it’s also theoretical: more a ‘who here do I trust (in the most basic sense of the word) or who do I watch out for.’  He absolutely is the impulsive asshole he looks like, but the little bit of careful caution that remains beneath plays a role in his continued safety (relatively speaking).  Julian is also a pretty light sleeper, growing up with five siblings (lmao) there’s a good amount of noise in the mornings or if something is wrong at night, so he’s just kind of grown accustomed to waking up, even if it’s that barely-awake state, to evaluate the noise.  And he rises with the sun- mostly old habit, but it’s also convenient for guaranteeing some time unobserved, for safety or just for some quiet.
Brooke is different in that the thing that follows her into sleep isn’t as much a thought as it is a feeling.  Brooke spends a lot of time busy, not necessarily with the intent of keeping her mind securely in the present, but that’s the effect it has, no matter.  So when she isn’t doing something- following or fighting or helping or hurting -she gets that little moment of quiet calm and it’s occupied by guilt.  The weight of it kind of lingers above her, the knowledge of what she was a part of, the remembrance of what she’s constantly trying to undo.  Brooke lives in the shadow of a debt to repay, and it catches up to her when she has a moment of still.  She is an uneasy sleeper, heavy to the ongoings of the waking world, but she rarely sleeps straight through the night, nevertheless.  She doesn’t dream, just wakes with the feeling that she did, even as it evades her. 
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I feel like this is already so long and that’s just the first thing but like, you gave me the opportunity so I’m taking it <3.  Choice of fashion is a little less dramatic but I’m sure I’ll find a way to make it anyway.  Clothing basically serves three functions: utility, expression, and comfort.  For the sake of character designs I usually focus on the first two unless it’s particularly relevant, which it isn’t for these three so much. 
Brooke is mostly utility.  She has casualwear, of course, but honestly I haven’t really designed much of it and usually just draw her in her armor.  Which is pretty obviously utile, but it’s also familiar.  She keeps this leather armor, embossed around the edges (that I’ll actually design and make mean something eventually but... not yet apparently) and either similar or just the same to the kind she wore with her family, their guild.  Familiar isn’t always a good thing, but it’s all she knows.  If I’m being real she’s still being developed, especially storyline specifics, so not a lot is decided.  I’ve thought about switching around the colors, the blue I typically give her can be a changed version, removed from its ties to before, which was maybe a gold or a purple, something more implicative of importance.  Or of having her rid herself of the armor completely, so caught up in breaking her bonds that she makes herself vulnerable... but I’m a little too attached to how the armor looks... basically, she’s just balancing the safety of utility with the unrest of something recognizably hunter. 
Liliana is mostly expression.  She doesn’t need anything particular from her clothes, so chooses what makes her feel good.  Nothing too extravagant, because she is still wrecking shit and needs to not be hindered by what she’s wearing, but she dresses to look good and be scary, when the need arises.  She wears dresses and skirts despite the fact that, as a satyr, she really doesn’t... need to?  Because satyrs, post-cataclysm, live closely tied with humans in particular, though fauns as well, depending on locale, and as such have absorbed some social elements of theirs- like clothing and gender norms.  She abides by those norms, gender in particular (to a certain degree), not because she has to but because she wants to- because, you know, trans.  She carries a good amount of things with her on average- swords and knives and lockpicks and money and various other whathaveyous -but rarely carries them all at once, taking them on or off her person whenever she thinks she may or may not need them, but her belt remains on no matter, because that’s what she needs to have any of them at all.  Her compass, too, stays on her at all times, but that’s more sentimentality than use. 
Julian is a bit of both, but with him, a lot of the expression melts over into utility.  The puffy shirts, while inherently pirate out-of-universe, are conveniently the opposite of form-fitting.  They make him look bigger than he is like a cat puffing out, but also hide, you know, trans.  Typically they’re white or otherwise lightly colored, because it’s cheap and function-over-form, but later era when he’s particularly full of himself he trends towards darker colors and black.  Black, as a dye, is expensive to make, so wearing it is a way of making it clear that he is either important or dangerous or both- he strives to command respect or fear and it doesn’t always matter which.  Julian, like Liliana, also carries some stuff with him, but the difference is that he has less, and so almost always has all of them.  The exception is his sword, which is bulky enough to always have that unless he for sure needs it, he’ll leave it in favor of a knife (or two, counting the one in his cane).  And because his right hand is typically occupied by his cane, his things are all strapped to his left, another reason he doesn’t always carry the sword- it gets in the way.  Finally, depending where storyline-wise he is, he wears a couple little gold earrings- mark of a pirate.  Been considering having it be a status thing, too: one for crewmate, two for first mate, three for captain, or something similar. 
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Fear is a really interesting one.  I dig where you’re going with it, and I’m sure I’m about to exhibit some mental illness, but like, fear is possibly one of the most important things in a character, because it’s what’s really behind at least 90% of a characters’ motivations, isn’t it?
Gotta start with Julian for this one.  He is afraid of a thousand entwined things in a way he will never admit and might not even be aware of.  The way he is perceived is so important to him that he lives with the constant threat of what he’s built for himself being taken away.  He’s so... I can’t call him exactly fake, because it’s not all false... he’s so constructed.  Everything he is, is exaggerated.  He is angry, and impulsive, and fast and rude and detached, but the way those things are presented is curated to be viewed in the way that he wants it to be.  And because of that, because everything he is is built on a not-quite-lie not-quite-truth, he runs the risk of having it all crash down around him.  That’s what follows him: the fear of being seen past it all, because he thinks that with that, he’ll end up right back where he was before.  Not to be too insane but in my silly little character.doc that I have for fun there’s this segment that’s pretty much what I just said:
He is afraid of no longer being taken seriously
He is afraid of losing the image he has created
He is afraid of trust being broken and secrets getting out
He is afraid of being patronized or the subject of pity
He would have you believe he is afraid of nothing
Liliana, now that I’m thinking about it, is actually pretty similar to him.  I didn’t even do this one on purpose oops.  Her difference, though, is that what she is isn’t fake.  She has this legacy, this name, that she reigns- people know of her, she commands that same respect or fear that Julian has to try so hard to.  Part of that, though, is taken from her.  She has her... I don’t want to call it a birthright, because that sounds entitled, but she has her birthright, then it’s stolen from her, and she rebuilds it even as she is on a hunt to reclaim it.  And so her fear stems from the possibility of failure.  If she never reaches her goal, if she truly loses what should never have been taken in the first place, then it’s all been for nothing, not only her work, but her father’s.  And the longer she goes without reaching that finish line, the more she is afraid of ‘what if it’s too late’ and ‘maybe it’s already over.’  Because her failure is also his, what she’d lose is also his, and that’s worse than if she just failed herself, because she feels the need to honor what he built, what he left, and what he was, in his absence.
Brooke is afraid of exactly what you’d expect.  A thousand what you’ve done’s follow her.  She terrified of never making it right, of the possibility of her wrongs being something that she never can make right.  She made a vow and she intends with all her being to keep it, but there is no endgoal, there is no ‘finished.’  It’s constant, and as such the constant threat of failure, of breaking that promise, whether by action or inaction, stays with her.  She lives with it for so long that it begins to leech into her, more than it already was, so it becomes what drives her.  But also... it’s what’s always driven her.  For a long time, she’s driven more by what’s behind her than what’s before her, and all that does is make her steep in this guilt and fear, fighting for a repentance that she doesn’t even know if she deserves. 
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Okay I’m done being insane now, I hope my fucked up little guys provide enrichment to your enclosure but either way you’ve given me the GIFT of LETTING ME BE ANNOYING so THANK U AGAIN BESTIE. KISSING U KISSING U KISSING U KISSING U K
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asteraceaye · 2 years
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Why is it so fucking hard to get evaluated for dyslexia
#im already diagnosed too!!! i just need a reevaluation so i can get accomodations at university#but nooo its all schools and people in my area that do not seem like actual doctors and 'dont bill insurance directly'#hello????#also its all for children!! all the photos are kids and the places i look at only talk about elementary ages#please im an adult 😭 i don't want to drive an hour away to get an evaluation for something i already have documented#its such bullshit that those papers get old#its not like you can cure dyslexia#i still write and spell like shit but at least i have autocorrect and a dictionary on hand at all times#ugh i don't know who to look at for this#im pretty sure im just going to go down to my campus disability center and see if they cant help me#if not the councilors might have an idea#its funny too because i didnt realize you could get accommodations for dyslexia until i was in English 1302 class writing an essay by hand#and was like uhh prof can i use my phone to look up how to spell a word because im dyslexic and hes like oh i didnt see that you had that#and i was like what? you can get one?#anyways this just leads to me saying i want my ass covered in any way especially since im going to have to take more math classes#and oh OH my dyslexia comes out there#catch me flipping numbers left and right and not realizing it until my answer is wrong and i know i did all the steps right#sIGH this is just a long winded mini rant in the tags ajdjbd dont mind me im stressed about transferring#it shouldn't be a problem but i still have anxiety#anyways its a struggle to get diagnosed with dyslexia as an adult who knew#aster rambles
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venomphilter · 2 years
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actually no wtf how many people exactly are going to die on me
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freyito · 10 months
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ʟɪᴛᴛʟᴇ ᴛʜɪɴɢꜱ ᴛʜᴇ ᴋᴏᴍʙᴀᴛ ʙᴏʏꜱ ᴅᴏ
so sorry for the little mini hiatus! im finally allllll moved in and i think all i really needed was like. a clean space. refreshed my mind a bit, lol. can't promise i'll have a steady schedule cause im still working on my inbox, just dont wanna get anything done (after this) til i've finished my new masterlists... anyways! ideas been in my head forever, need to get it off my chest NOW
cw: gn reader, just fluff, not proofread
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⎯ Liu Kang
Liu Kang will come up with poetry ON THE SPOT. It's crazy scary how quick he is with it. He chooses something about you and just runs with it. How your eyes are just the most enticing color in the sunlight, just how beautiful you are in kombat...
⎯ Bi-Han
Bi-Han will place little notes around the house or on things he knows you use often. He'll place one on the cover of the book your currently reading, or even within the pages. Little love notes, mainly motivating you, praising you... but he'll write a simple 'I love you', too.
⎯ Kuai Liang
Specifically whenever it's colder, Kuai willpull you in for a hug, and make his body temperature increase. He'll do it under different circumstances sometimes, even to tease you. He likes to keep you close as his temperature steadily rises. Perfect for cold nights.
⎯ Johnny Cage
Footsies. Anytime you two are sitting across from each other, either at the dinner table, or at some fancy restaurant, Johnny's always tapping at your shins, your knee, anything. Brings you closer, in a way.
⎯ Kenshi Takahashi
Kenshi has a habit of placing his hand on your head, whenever he feels like it. He'll play with your hair, or scratch at your scalp. He likes the texture, but he also just enjoys messing with you a little bit.
⎯ Kung Lao
Tickling you. Always and forever. Kung Lao will take the most inopportune moments to taze your sides, find those soft bits of flesh that make you giggle in just the right way.
⎯ Raiden
Raiden will do the little heart thing with his hands (or fingers) from across the room when he can't be with you. Eventually, he'll even try to do it with his lightning. It's an uncontrollable variable, and it takes him so LONG to get ahold of it. But, when he finally gets it, he's all giddy.
⎯ Zeffeero
As much as Rain groans and complains that his magic shouldn't be used for mundane things or fun, sometimes he'll form water into little hearts or stars. All for you. But he'll do it away from you, and kind of side-eye you, to make sure your watching.
⎯ Tomas Vrbada
Smoke has a tendency to sway whenever you two hug. Specifically when it's a longer hug. He just finds the motion comforting! He'll hum a little as he does this, too. That hum starts small, but then it catches on, he'll hum the same tune to you before you fall asleep.
⎯ Baraka
Point. Why? Baraka doesn't know. But he kinda likes your reaction. You two have a little game where he'll point, and you'll pop up and look around, do the whole "who, me?" thing. It's like a displacement behavior for him. Secretly, he kind of just wants to place his whole hand on your face like a basketball. He won't. Too risky.
⎯ Geras
Since Geras is still kind of unfamiliar with mortal love, he'll bring you little vials of sand. Kind of like bottles of shelves you'd find in a souvenir shop? He also most definitely asks Liu Kang for help throughout your relationship. So, normally, you get sent little (they're not little actually, they're like 5-page essays) love letters via Liu Kang.
⎯ Syzoth
Syzoth will flick his tongue over your cheek unintentionally. He swears! He's not doing it on purpose! You'll be lying down, or just close in general, and boom! There's the tongue!
⎯ Havik
Havik does that thing where he'll pull you in with one arm around your shoulder and one on the side of your head, and shake you gently. He'll make a little "rah" sound, it's a whole thing. Sometimes he's just over-whelmed with the urge to do that.
⎯ Shao Kahn
Sometimes, whenever Shao passes by you, he'll take you by your hand, and spin you. He'll chuckle and go back to what he was doing. But sometimes, it turns into full blown dancing.
⎯ Shang Tsung
Shang loves passing winks to you. He'll do it when he's too busy, he doesn't even use it to imply something. He'll do that super corny thing where he over-exaggerates his face and winks at you a LOT.
⎯ Reiko
Whether Reiko's just sparring, or in a genuine match, he'll always dedicate it to you. Even if you're not there. He'll whisper something for you under his breath, then beat the shit out of his opponent. He also loves bragging about his achievements to you. Only you. A soldier MUST have some humility.
⎯ Takeda Takahashi
Takeda loves saying your name in a real stupid sing-song voice. Dragging it out, horribly, in such a cheesy manor. He'll bring his voice up all high pitch and even bring his hands up to his face.
⎯ Erron Black
As much as Erron tries to be smooth with it, he kinda fails at hiding the fact that he's doing this for you. He exaggerates his accent, he'll quote all sorts of westerns, and just play reaaaaal hard into the Cowboy part for you.
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© freyito, 2023 | masterlist | queue | kofi DO NOT REPOST AS YOUR OWN OR USE FOR AI/AI CHATBOTS.
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edlucavalden · 23 days
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Im too exausted for proper(ish) essays, but im so crazy over this scene. i can't contain myself
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TW for: S/A !!! (For the nature of the writing and well—the scene itself)
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He's confused at first. he doesn't know what is going on. This slight pause isn't because he's scared or frozen but to assess the situation. After all It was kinda sudden.
All he doesn't like this feeling. he feels uncomfortable and that some sort of boundry has been breached. But he hasn't fully processed it yet.
And right before he fully comprehends and does something about it—
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He suddenly becomes compliant?
It's like he forgot what he was gonna do—like He loses the motivation to enforce his boundaries.
he still feels uncomfortable. that doesn't change. But he isnt aware of that. Well, that makes sense... since he never really did fully process what was happening. It's like he lost the will to care about or process it.
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This panel. Christ... Thistle finally builds up the power to say stop. It's weak—confused and disoriented. I dont think it's even directed to anything specifically. Its intentions are vague.
But god... and the lion's response? Reassurance. how he can't help it, he needs this to live, he's been waiting for so long—oh, and don't worry, I'll take care of you.
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It's just so chilling after this.
Thistle's powerless, weak, and complaicent. It's out of character for thistle. This entire scene is. However It's still thistle. His behavior and actions are his own, and for me that's the terrifying part.
This wasn't... Forced? There's no fighting and thrashing— Its just a complete submission. he reacted yeah but he didn't resist. he didn't fight back even if he had the ability to (we know bc he has, for 1000 years in fact). The lion didn't directly force him either. It didn't violently force him to have its way. But it's still violating. And that's the thing; the assult wasnt violent, but passive.
The demon has slowly but surely torn down thistle's sense of self so much it turned him into a completely different person. Like his identity was shattered and rebuilt to submit.
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It starts small, building up the situation, taking away his desire to resist and enforce his boundaries, then it gives a rose tinted explanation of what is happening. Finally, it comforts and praises him. This is what gives thistle the illusion of choice, a passive way of getting him vulnerable.
You can see how it affected him vividly through this part. it's like he forgets what he was fighting for. He forgets his boundaries, his identity, the things he cares about, everything. It's being ripped away from him.
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Thistle never stood a chance.
It wasn't his fault he submitted. It was the demon's for putting him in that state. His complaicency is due to the fact that he had no power for any other way.
it never mattered that thistle never fought back. Even if he did fight back or didn't, even if he succeeded or not—what then? it would never change the demon's nature. One who seeks consumption will always consume. In other words; it will always find a way.
I honestly dont think it was the demon's intention to harm thistle. It's selfish but not moralisticly evil (nothing ever is). It seeks fulfillment and not suffering. But its blind pursuit for satisfaction caused suffering, That's what makes it malicious. It doesn't matter if he intented or was aware of it or not. the demon benefited from something that could harm him and did it despite that. And that will never change.
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infamous-if · 10 months
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Dec ✮ 12 ✮ 2024 – update
Part of me hates doing these mostly because it's a whole lotta nothing and me just repeating everything I said the last update (lol) but I do like doing it because I like keeping people updated, even if it's a non-update. I may sound like a broken record (pun not intended) but I know a lot of people don't catch my updates every time so it's nice to just keep people informed yk yk
✮ — Part 2 + rewrite
Fun fact: I had written an entire essay about my excitement for the rewrite and chapter 3 and beyond but it got too long!
It boiled down to me wondering why I'm so excited for this rewrite and realizing it's because I feel comfortable enough to approach it with complete creative freedom. I wrote the first iteration of the demo with the constant worries swimming in my head like "I hope people understand what I'm trying to say here" and "I hope this situation is being read the way I intended for it to be read." And I think I sort of had those thoughts tenfold while writing Part 2. If you paid attention, you can probably see where I was trying to shut down certain discussions in the narrative lmao
Recently I had a tiny epiphany and reminded myself that it's not always about what I intend to write, but what is being understood by each reader. And yes this is basic writing 101 but let me have this moment of clarity okay. Embracing that means I can proceed with Infamous without holding back and sticking to my guns in regards to what I want for this story aka I'm just going to write what I write and like....not worry about the rest you feel (while of course integrating the common critiques and suggestions and improving on the things Infamous falls short in—I am not Shakespeare lmao)
ANYWAY my point is that I'm excited to fix up the demo !!! and just go back to it with complete confidence in myself and write whatever the heck feels right to me (and write the rest of the story lolol) and return with a better story than I have now for everyone!!
✮ — December will be for
planning what I'm going to improve and squeezing that in a reworked outline so it can flow much better narratively.
Outlining Chapter 3 and hopefully have the bare bones first draft drafted up which is mostly just be writing blocks of descriptions
I'm not sure I'll have anything substantial to justify looking for beta testers so soon yet but maybe!
work on my spice writing babey writing/reading spice makes me actually physically recoil but im determined to get better! which reminds me to finish the 6k follower gifts!
And also take a small breather because I am moving!
✮ — Patreon
I've already mentioned this on Patreon and a few times on here, but I do want to reiterate that Patreon content is coming out in bulk this month, in case anyone was wondering why I'm not posting as frequently. The content is still the same in terms of the quantity, it just won't be released every few days! thank you guys for being understanding of that <3
✮ —
My activity has is decreasing little by little due to my move but I do read every question and try to at least answer one question a day. I get quite a few mentions lately so I have to sort through those since I do get tagged in things, but I miss them due to my notifications. Usually I hope for the best and hope tracking the tag puts it on my dashboard <3 im not ignoring anyone!
That's all for now! Hope everyone has a happy December and Happy Holidays!
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