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liminalpsych-in-teyvat · 2 years

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I have just read the closest description to how my brain / heart function in relationships that I have ever found. And it’s in an erotic Kavetham fanfic. (forms of love, by acynthe)

Fandom and fanfiction is so surreal that way. It’s often seen and treated as trivial, but it can also be incredibly artistic, and it can have representation that’s otherwise hard to find.

Before this, the closest I had found was BBC Sherlock fanfic, and those didn’t quite hit the mark.

This one does.

(I describe this thing that happens in my brain as… keeping file folders on people I find interesting. All the observations I collect on that person goes into their mental file. And eventually those observations and data points click together to form a pattern, an interconnected picture of why the person acts the way they do, and of what’s going on beneath the surface. And new data points get added to the pattern/model of that person to flesh out a more complete understanding of them.)

(“interesting” can mean “infuriating, I don’t know why you act the way you do and so I’m annoyed by you, if I can figure out the why then I can more easily shrug off the irritating behavior”)

(and “interesting” can mean “I like you and am intrigued in a positive way, I am drawn to you and wish to make a study of you”)

(I imagine that Kaveh started in the first category for Alhaitham and over time moved to the second)

I have to flail about it somewhere, and doing so to my girlfriend of 17 years (who doesn’t play Genshin yet) wasn’t enough, so… quotes that I especially relate to beneath the cut:

—

Alhaitham’s also studied the interstices of Kaveh’s elegant fingers and wondered how his own would fit between them—the same way he’s quietly taken in the details of Kaveh’s life and wondered whether there could ever be a place for himself to fit into it somehow, amidst all that passion and all that ambition.

He collects these observations like he’s compiling a dictionary of his own—one defining all there is to know and understand about this man, about Kaveh’s relationship with himself.

Learnings handled with the utmost care. Alhaitham documents all these things far more conscientiously than any of the information he’s ever managed as Scribe. Some things are simply far more precious, after all.

—

“You don’t need to be a student of Amurta to know that’s not quite how it works.” Amusement flickers across Alhaitham’s face. “But if you must rely on physical evidence for some form of reassurance,” he takes Kaveh’s hand, and guides the palm of it to rest over his own chest, “then I’d direct you to look for it here instead.”

Here?

It takes a few seconds for Alhaitham’s meaning to register, to fully sink in.

“...Oh,” Kaveh whispers, as the rhythm of Alhaitham’s heartbeat makes itself comfortable in the home of his hand. He closes his eyes, willing his own to fall in sync, finding the pace of Alhaitham’s pulse to run unexpectedly fast for someone so seemingly unswayed and stoic on the surface. How swift and steady this heart beats—

“...For me,” Kaveh murmurs, with a quiet sort of wonder.

—

And that’s the issue with Alhaitham, isn’t it? He says such things so simply, so bluntly, like it’s the most straightforward thing in the world to accept, like it’s simply another truth of existence—and somehow they still send Kaveh’s heart in somersaults nonetheless.

—

Alhaitham soothes a hand down the curves of Kaveh’s sides. Studies him as he slips fingers into himself, opening himself up, like there’s something about the process worth analysing.

“Like what you see?”

“On the contrary,” Alhaitham’s touch ghosts over the space between Kaveh’s ribs, “it’s rather regrettable that this is all there is to the view.”

“And what do you mean by that?” Kaveh narrows his eyes. “Pray tell what it is that you find so disappointing.”

Alhaitham’s gaze sweeps over him. “That this is all there is on the surface.” His fingertips ghost over shivering skin. “That there is much more to you that my eyes cannot possibly perceive.”

Kaveh closes his eyes, that blush deepening its reach down to the base of his shoulders. “So this is what you’ve chosen to use your Haravatat education for.” He huffs out a laugh. “Waxing poetry to fluster me?”

“Not poetry,” Alhaitham says, dismissive. “Such a subject isn’t in the curriculum at all. I was merely acknowledging something I found to be a pity.”

It’s difficult for him to see this as anything but that. For all the people who meet Kaveh, it’s common to get too distracted by the radiance at his surface to look deeper than his skin.

But Alhaitham has been around long enough to see through all of that. Perhaps because when it comes to Kaveh, he is always looking. And Kaveh has always been so much more than what exists of his corporeal form to be perceived—his body but a finite vessel for an infinite mind.

What a crime it would be, to reduce someone so brilliant to the simplicity of their physicality. Alhaitham has never wanted anything less than all of him.

—

This, like most endeavours, Alhaitham approaches methodically. Brow furrowed in concentration as he works his fingers inside Kaveh, initially in an exact imitation of how he’d observed Kaveh do it to himself—an exact replication of pace and angle and pressure.

Then he gets a bit more experimental, following his own intuition as he gets a better feel for the process. Throughout, he keeps his eyes on Kaveh’s face, watching his expression to assess his response to every touch, using that to guide his own adjustment of his efforts.

—

Alhaitham hums. “Let’s put it this way. I’m exempt from a certain sort of attraction,” he says, “but I’m certainly not blind.”

“...Oh.” Kaveh pauses, processing those words into something warm and hopeful. “And what do you like about what you see?”

“What I like?”

Alhaitham doesn’t even have to spare a second thinking about it—it’s like there’s a list already waiting for him in the back of his mind.

“The outline that the side of your face cuts against the sunset,” he says. “How your eyes are the colour of wine. Your hair could be an instrument of alchemy, with the way it catches daylight and transmutes it into gold. The shape your hand constructs when poised with a quill perched between your fingers. This arc between your shoulder and neck.” He traces the path gently, and the touch tingles like his fingers are stained in stardust. “I hope that answers your question.”

—

Alhaitham knows he may never be able to look at Kaveh the way he may wish to be seen sometimes, the way he may wish to be wanted. He can admire Kaveh for all his aesthetic appeal, certainly, but there are certain desires his mind simply does not have access to. And maybe that means he won’t be able to fulfill a need Kaveh may carry, one craving a certain sort of validation.

… “You’ve had other partners, I assume, who are able to properly appreciate a facet of your allure that is inaccessible to me.” Alhaitham pauses. “I can’t think of you like that. I don’t think I ever can.”

He wonders what he can do, wonders what he should promise in compensation. “I don’t know how it feels to think of you in that way,” Alhaitham continues, the space in his chest suddenly tight like it already knows the importance of what he’s going to express, “but I do know how it feels to be in love with you.”

—

“Maybe they will never be able to comprehend each other, not in their entireties. They are two pieces from different puzzles after all. But if what’s ahead of them is a lifetime of learning, there can be no other person more fascinating to figure out than someone so diametrically opposed to yourself.”

#Genshin impact #genshin fanfic #alhaitham #kaveh #kaveh x alhaitham #alhaitham x kaveh #kavetham #asexuality #ace spec #asexual #ace representation #sex positive ace #acynthe #Intp #haikaveh #fic rec #character analysis

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theheirofthesharingan · 4 months

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2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10,11,12,13,14,15,16,17,18,19,20,21,22,23 and 24 for the ask game

2. Is there a least favorite character or title you dislike writing for?

My least favorite character would be Kabuto to write. I don't want to write him at all. But eh, have to write him because bro is quite important for a while. More than Sasuke I want to get rid of him.

3. Name a fanfic/story you are particularly proud of writing.

I've written a lot of stuff, but one fic I'm extremely proud of is Unbreakable Ties. I loved writing it and all the right emotions I could convey through my words. It'll always be close to my heart for its rawness and angst and the feels. Also because I wrote a fic for a large fandom, which was quite challenging for me initially too.

4. Where did you get your inspiration from?

I just like to explore the possibilities and different ways the characters feel and to explore those emotions. That's my inspiration. Sometimes reading does help too.

5. Where do you find your motivation?

I'll say it's discipline. I don't rely on motivation as much. There are days I can't get a lot of work done, but I do try to write some words before I go to bed.

6. What would you say your strongest genre to write for is?

I love adventure, Gothic fiction, and magical realism to write. But i guess magical realism is what I would be most comfortable in writing.

7. What would you say your weakest genre to write for is?

Action. Ugh. I cannot write fight scenes.

8. How many WIP do you currently have?

Only one. I can't have more than one WIPs or it'll be too distracting.

9. (I already answered it)

10. What frustrates you the most as a writer?

Among many other things, I sometimes feel my sentences are terrible. And I sometimes can't recall the most basic words. And of course, typos.

11. What’s something you have learned as a writer?

A lot of things. But mostly, I've learned to be expressive and more empathetic towards people. As a writer you get into the skin of the characters and feel the emotions they feel very deeply, and that is bound to affect you as a person too. It's what happened with me.

12. Do you enjoy receiving feedback?

Oh, yes. All writers do.

13. Already answered.

14. What’s one thing you dislike about your blog?

Ah, there's nothing I dislike about my blog. It's one of the very few places on the internet I like to be. xD

15. What made you start to write fanfiction/stories?

A TV show in my country. It was loosely based on Wuthering Heights, and I fell in love with it. So I loved exploring its main characters (who were ill-treated in canon because its writers were not interested in telling the story).

16. Any ideas you wanted to write about, but never did?

A fic based on the show I mentioned above. It was my dream project and could be my magnum opus with 150+ chapters, but for all the effort I put in it, there were no readers whatsoever. After 30 chapters I abandoned it in 2018. But I think I wasn't mature enough to handle all the themes back then. Still.

17. Already answered.

18. Are there any topics you find difficult to write for?

There's nothing in particular, but here and there, there will always be some topics that will be tough to write. But more for the technical reasons instead of personal ones.

19. What is something your readers don’t know that you do?

I might have mentioned it here, but no one knows I tend to have breakdowns writing some parts of my fics. Not just with Itachi and Sasuke centric stories, but for my fics I wrote previously, I'll end up crying a lot because some moments were like that. Itachi and Sasuke just take that angst to some other level, so I'm left wounded writing some of their moment.

20. What’s one thing you want your readers to know about you?

I love you, guys. If you read my works there must be some kind of bonding between us. Whether you're the silent reader of my stories or leave comments/kudos there it makes me feel seen and heard in a good way. So, thank you for that.

21. What’s your favorite writing advice to share?

There are a lot of pieces of advice that I follow, but one thing that I absolutely love as a reader is concise writing and avoiding the "-ly words." And you don't need too many synonyms of "said." Just use said and switch to other words occasionally. That, in my opinion, leaves more impact than writing the synonym for said with every dialogue.

22. Care to share any future WIP ideas you have lined up?

Ah, yes. There are three more ideas I'm considering to work on. One is inspired by Cormac Mc Carthy's The Road. The other is a post-war story with inter-dimemsional travel with a twist. And the other is set in the Land of the Waves arc. All the fics are Uchiha brothers centric. This is the only info I can give right now.

23. Most memorable review/comment on a fic?

Okay, so this is going to sound like I'm bragging, but here it is. One of my friends I keep in a very high regard because he's been writing for years and has published many of his poems too, read one of my fics, and said "Your writing reminded me of Emily Brontë's" and I cried tears of happiness. ;_;

24. What future fics/events can we expect to see?

It's the same as answer to #22. I'll try to finish The Everlasting Love by the end of this month and might start the next one right away.

#itachi #sasuke #uchiha brothers #ask #anon

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wonderinglostsoul · 11 months

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Criminal Minds FanFiction Chapter 5

Pairing: Aaron Hotchner x Fem!Reader

Synopsis: You are an FBI agent with a past and you were about to enter the BAU.

Trigger warning: BAU stuff like killing, snipping, suicide

You were awoken by the announcement in the hospital. You slowly open your eyes and saw a white ceiling. You tried to look around and saw Reid. He was reading a book. He also noticed that you were awake.

"Hi!" He said in a low high pitched voice. "How are you feeling?"

"Reid, can I have some water?" You said, your voice hoarse.

"Sure." Getting you a cap with straw. He then put the straw in your mouth and let you drink.

"Where are we?" You asked.

"We are still in Las Vegas." Reid said. "How do you feel right now?"

"My head feels heavy and my whole body was aching." You answered him. "How long am I asleep?"

"2 days. I will call the nurse just wait here," He said going out. 2 days. Wow!

Reid and the nurse arrived. She asked how you doing and then do some check up. Reid was on the door. He was calling someone. You figured its the team.

"All your vitals are fine. The Doctor will check on you later and will let you know when will you be discharge." The nurse said. After a few minutes the rest of the team arrived. JJ and Morgan holds some balloons while Rossi has some flowers and Hotch with some fruits. They were all glad that you make it. You smiled at them and say thank you as one by one they hugged you and telling you how happy they were that you are recovering well. They ordered pizza and have their lunch on your room. Reid and JJ helps you to eat since you cannot raise your right hand because of your broken rib. You cannot remember when was the last time you have this so many people by your side.

The doctor arrived and did the assessment. Based on your current xray, your ribs was still healing so she asked for you to stay for a couple more days before you fly back home.

"Alright, I think some of you can fly back home tonight if you'd like. Then those that can stay will fly back with us on sunday" Hotch said.

"I'll stay" Reid said.

"I need to check on the kids." JJ said

"I'll need to go to." Rossi said.

"If you need anything we will fly back as soon as we can." Morgan said.

"Thank you everyone. I am so luck to have you as my teammate."

"We are your family now [Y/N]. We will be here for you." Rossi said. It warms your heart being accepted like this. You were used to be alone but now there are people that can help you.

They were now preparing to leave when you called Hotch.

"Yes?" He asked.

"Hotch, I think you can come back to Virginia with them. Reid and I will be fine here." You told him

"Its fine, I will be finishing some paper works and ...."

"But Jack might be missing you. Its been almost a week" You interrupted him. He considered for a while and then Reid chime in.

"She right Hotch, we can handle this. You can comeback with the plane on sunday, if you'd like." Reid suggested.

"Fine, but you will update me all the time. Reid?" He said like it is an order.

"Yes, Sir!" Reid answered.

Hotch gathered his things then went on to your bed side and cap your left hand.

"Get well soon." He said. You smiled and about to say thank you but the unthinkable happened. He leaned and kiss your for head then he immediately stand up and walk out of the room without looking back. Both you and Reid was shocked. You look at Reid with a threatening look and told him to never to mentioned it to anyone. He just nod slowly still shocked with what he witnessed. The rest of the team flew back to virginia that night.

After 2 days you were discharged and was at the tarmac to board the plane. You were waiting for Hotch to come down and pick you up. Even Reid was waiting for Hotch. Instead it was Morgan who pick you up.

He went down on the plane, expecting a warm welcome but both of your face register a what are you doing here? Reaction.

"What? Are you not happy to see me?" Morgan asked.

"No, we just thought that Hotch would be here" Reid answered.

"Ahh, he has some problem with Jack's Homework thats why he asked me to pick you up." Morgan said. "So shall we?" He said. Taking over Reid to wheel you up. You can actually walk but Reid insisted on using the wheel chair. When you are at the stairs Morgan teases you.

"Should I carry you up the stairs my lady?" Morgan said. You laughed standing up.

"No, Sir, I can walk." You answered him. You walk up slowly while the 2 boys carry your stuff.

You arrived at Virginia after a few hours. Morgan and Reid drove you to your house. When you arrived Penelope and Rossi was also pulling on your driveway.

"How are you feeling" Rossi asked giving you a hug and a peck on the cheek

"I am better now." You said

"Ahh I hate the unsub for doing this to you" Penelope said enveloping you with a hug.

"I see that you have a motorcycle." Rossi exclaimed upon seeing your motorcycle in your garage.

"Another one of my hobby. I will give you a ride if you want." You offered. You open the door and let everyone in.

You open your refrigerator but there is nothing inside but water, beer and soda Morgan saw it and notice the panic on your face

"Dont worry, my baby girl already taken care of it. But let me get this beer." Morgan gets one of the beer. "Guys, what do you want. [Y/N] has beer, soda and water" Morgan announces.

"I'll have a beer." Penelope said. Morgan pick up another can.

"Me too" Reid shouted. Morgan pick one more.

"Do you have any wine ?" Rossi asked.

You smiled "Come here." You told him. But instead of just Rossi coming over, everyone followed him. There on the floor you pulled the rug and there was a small door. You opened in and a little wine cellar was crafted below.

Rossi was in awe. All of them was shocked. Rossi kneel and pulled one bottle.

"Bellissima!" He exclaimed. You open the cup board and get out some wine glass and offered it to everyone. Reid and Penelope give the can of beer back to morgan and each gets a glass. Morgan snorted. And put back the beer on the fridge. You give Rossi the wine opener and he opened the bottle. He pour wine to each of your glasses.

"To [Y/N]'s recovery, and to her expensive wine" you all laugh "We did not say it a lot but we want you to know that we are happy that you are part of this team. Cheers!"

"CHEERS!" Everyone shouted. You clink your glasses with everyone and drink the wine. Rossi was happy because it was one of his favorite. The take out also arrives so you all eat together while watching a game on TV. It was also a bank holiday tomorrow and as long as there is no urgent case you can all take the day off. After a few drinks, Penelope was alittle bit tipsy and she cannot stop and ask you about something that he noticed on your apartment.

"Hey [Y/N], I am just curious but who is that man?" She asked. She was pointing on one of the cabinet. You did not expect Penelope to catch it as you thought you have discreetly hide it inside.

"Oh, its a story for another day." You said not meeting her eyes.

"Come one tell us please! Please!" She beg you but you could not bring yourself to tell the story. Reid noticed it. If anyone knows about hiding something, it was Reid. He has the same look whenever someone asked about his mother so he tried to stop Penelope.

"I think we can have that story for another time when [Y/N] is ready" He said. Penelope pouted at him.

"Thats right baby girl. I also think that you have too much to drink. I should take you home." Morgan said. He stands pulling Penelope up with him.

"Maybe We should go as well. You need to rest." Rossi said.

"I'll help you tidy things up before I leave." Reid offer.

"No! You helped me too much. And I can handle it." You told him. "I cannot thank you all enough for taking care of me." You added. Rossi gave you a hug.

You heal up good, okay?" He said, then he kissed your cheeks. You smiled and mouthed thank you. Reid also hugs you.

"Call me if you need help." He said.

"I will see you tomorrow when I am sober and I will find out who is the mystery man!" Penelope said. All 3 of the boys shake there head laughing. Morgan waves good bye.

You see them out and wave good bye as they one by one pulled off your garage.

When they were gone you closed and lock the door. You went to the cabinet and take out the photo. You look at it for a while and speak

"I'm sorry but I still cannot talked about you. Not now." You whispered. You know that you have move on but every time the man on the picture was brought up an old wound was opening as well. You are still looking at the picture when someone knocked on your door. You put the picture back to the cabinet. And went to open the door. You were expecting it to be Reid but to your surprise it was Hotch!

"Hi!" He said. You're face cannot hide the shock and Hotch was taken aback "Oh is it not a good time?" He asked. He thought you have company because of the mess at the table.

"No, sorry, please come in" You make way for him to go inside. "Actually, everyone was here just a moment ago." You said while cleaning up with one hand. Hotch saw this.

"Let me do it" He said. Getting the empty box in your hand. You were about to protest but he widen his eyes as if a father who was about to reprimand you. "Just let me know where's the trash." He said smiling.

"At the lower left cabinet." You answered pointing at one of the cabinet. You look at him while cleaning the remaining boxes and paper plates on the table. Until he saw 2 empty bottle of wine. He raised it to show you.

"They demolish my wine cellar." You said laughing.

"This is expensive" He said. putting it on the trash

"I have a few" You said. he looked at you in disbelief. So you joined him at the kitchen.

"Move" You said smirking. He steps backward to give you room. You bent down, remove the rug and open the small trap door to show your little wine cellar. You look at his reaction. His mouth was wide open in shock

"Same expression as everyone else." You said still smirking. You got another bottle of the expensive wine. (Good thing, your previous visitor agrees to open a cheaper wine for the second bottle).

"What did Rossi said when he sees this" Hotch asked as you handed him the bottle.

"Bellissima!" You said with a chef kiss. Hotch laughed. You got the wine glass at the cupboard.

"Come on open it." You told him

"Are you sure?" He said.

"Of course!" Hotch pop open the wine and pour the wine on the glass. You handed him the wine.

"You are not drinking?" He asked you.

"Fine," You said, turning around to get another glass. "But just a little bit. I already have 2 glasses a while ago." You added. He pour you a little.

"Cheers!" He said. Clinking his glass to yours. You both took a sip.

"Wow! This is amazing!" He said examining his glass.

"Its one of my favorite." You said. Both of you went to the sofa. As you sit down you ask him about Jack

"I drop him off to his classmates. He is having a sleepover." He said.

"Thats great. Morgan said you were caught up with assignments" You told him

"Ahh yes. We were finishing his assignment before the sleepover so we dont have to do it tomorrow but its a diorama and it took us alot of time painting the small things." Hotch said laughing.

"I bet Jack was so pressured to finished." You said

"He is! Its already 3 in the afternoon and we are still covered in paint!" Hotch show his hands still have paint. You both laughed at it. You continue to talk and drink, well mostly Hotch does, you stop drinking after the 4th glass. You noticed that the bottle was empty.

"Hotch, do you want another bottle?" You asked.

"I am good and you can call me Aaron." He said. You can feel your cheeks burn but dismiss it as the wine.

"Sure, Aaron" You said and smile a bit. Aaron saw the blush on your cheek when you say his name and it makes him smile.

"What?" You asked. Inching a little closer examining his face, trying to profile why he is smiling

"Nothing." He said quietly, inching closer as well. You both stayed like that. Looking at each other, your face, a few inch closer. As you examine his smiling face, your cheeks started to burn again. Aaron noticed this and he just laugh releasing you from his gazed.

"What?" You asked him, giving him a light nudge on his shoulder.

"I think I should go." He said. "You should get some sleep."

"Are you sure? You finished the whole bottle." You asked.

"I'll be fine." He said.

"No, you might get arrested for DUI. Just stay here for a few hours to sober. You can stay on my bed and I'll stay here." You said standing up.

"Hey [Y/N]. I am fine! I will just sober up here on the sofa and you go sleep on your bed. Come on!" He stand up, hold your shoulder and push you lightly towards your room.

When you arrived on the room, you went to the cabinet to get some sheet and pillow and handed it to him. Then you went back to the sofa to set it up. Before going back to the your room you asked him again if he was okay there and he said yes and insist that you sleep. So you went to your room and lay down on your bed. Your eyes wide open. How can you sleep when you know that your boss was sleeping at your sofa.

Note: This is one of my favorite chapter.

#criminal minds #spencer reid #aaron hotch fic #aaron hotch fluff #aaron hotch hotchner #aaron hotch imagine #aaron hotch x you #aaron hotchner #david rossi #derek morgan #penelope garcia #jennifer jareau #jj jareau #aaron hotch x reader #hotch x you #hotch x reader #hotch #aaron hotch fanfiction

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sam-the-friendly-ghost · 1 year

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Welcome to Sam's Chats with the Void

I will tag these posts so they can be blocked, but I hope you stick around, and read them. These will just be me rambling about something I've thought about.

I like making people cry. Not because I've hurt them, or anything, but because I've touched their heart.

I like to create, but also perform, although performing is practically another medium for me to create stuff with. I sing, and sometimes somebody will come to me wiping tears from their eyes that I made them cry.

Sometimes they cry because they are proud of what I've accomplished, or because of the song. One thing is always the same though, and it's the fact I couldn't have made them cry if I had done poorly.

I gave someone a gift one day, without much reason. Apparently it was important to them because they cried, and told me thankyou for simply thinking of them. The 2 dollar box of candy meant more to them then I could've ever known before hand. They weren't going through anything, and I wasn't particularly close with them, but my doing something so small for them that day made them cry.

I gave my mom a binder filled with pieces of my writing. She cried when she recieved it because it was a way for me to support her. I'll keep the explanation short for the sake of keeping this on topic, but she was going for her first round of chemotherapy. I give her the binder on the day of every chemo appointment, and it lets her know I'm okay, and thinking of her. It's why I haven't updated 'the story of future boy'. I'm focused on giving her content she enjoys over writing fanfiction. She is one of the few people who know I write fanfiction though, so I've been making sure I still write some so I can tell her about how others have been able to read my stuff too. We smile together at the small news of me getting an email saying I've gotten kudos. She cried happy tears when I hand her the binder filled with my original works.

I smile and jokingly pretend to be angry when something makes me cry. It isn't hard to make me cry (horror movies have a 100% success rate at making me cry if panic attacks count), but it's still a show of skill. The end of rise where Raph cries made me cry, but because I've felt that way. They managed to write a character so well, I related to them, and cried. I cried at the end of the movie, and sobbed harder when Donnie cried.

It isn't hard to make me cry, especially when it's a character doing so. My therapist very quickly let me know I have high empathy, like such high empathy I pick up on other people's fears, and phobias if I don't shut down my emotions. This means when I consume media I have to shut down my emotions somewhat to make sure I don't pick up on those fears. I can't become scared of the dark because a cartoon character was. This is why, although it isn't hard to make me cry, I'm always so impressed when something does. I'm so skilled at disconnecting myself from the media I consume the character have to be so well written to trigger the small bits of emotions I let connect into making me cry.

I love the way Raph builds up until he cannot cope anymore without crying. I love the way Donnie's body starts crying before he can even process what happened. The experiences of emotions was handled so well I cried despite trying not to.

I have a plan to make my singing teacher cry. I am about to have potentially one of the last performances of my life. Im going to sing the first song I've ever performed. If I do it right she will be crying. If I do great some of the people who watched me perform that first time will cry. If I do amazing my friends might cry. If I do exceptionally both my parents will cry. If I do perfectly I'll greet them after with tears of my own.

My goal is to touch people's emotions, and since hardly anyone can fake cry well, I know how well I did based on the tears I find in the audience.

I like making people cry.

#Sam the friendly Ghost #Sam's Chats with the Void #crying #this chat is about making people cry #thankyou to those who have made me cry #why do I always write with a migraine #rambles #tagging is hard yet I use two website that have a tag system

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alastaircarstairsdefenselawyer · 4 years

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Monet Issues

Happy COI day! Here's some no-longer-canon-compliant angst because apparently the book itself isn't going to be enough for me :)

No spoilers here, but I know not everyone is checking tags and such right now, so I'm going to tag a few people who have interacted with my fics before (lmk if you don't want to be!). Don't feel obligated to read this though, it's a little dark. @littlx-songbxrd @alastairxcarstairs @dianasarrow @doitforthecarstairs @archeronesta @thechangeling @styxdrawings @upsidedown-cats @fictionally-fantastic @thomas-gaypanic-lightwood

Fanfiction Masterlist

CW: mention or discussion of alcoholism, physical abuse, bullying, and toxic relationships

(title from the song Monet Issues by Chase Petra, which I may or may not have listened to on repeat while writing this)

Out of all of the people he’d ever snapped at, Alastair Carstairs had never lost his temper with his mother. Not until today.

“He’s the same. He’s the same as he was last spring, before he left, the same as he was ten years ago. He is never going to change. Not for Cordelia, not for you, not for the baby. Why are you still doing this to yourself?” he pleaded.

His mother smiled and sighed. “That’s enough, Alastair joon. Your father is flawed, but he loves us. He’s trying. You’ll understand one day, once you’ve fallen in love and started a family of your own.”

He narrowed his eyes. “Fine. Just answer one question then: if this child is a boy, will you allow him to do everything I was forced to do?”

She hardened her expression. “Joonam, that’s just what family-”

“No. Cordelia never did those things, did she? I never wanted her to. You never wanted her to.”

“That was different. She’s… Well, she has a big heart, you know. I knew that you could handle such a burden, azizam. I know that it was difficult, but look at the man that you’ve become. I’m so proud of you. These trials life brings us… they only make us stronger.”

Alastair could feel his stomach twisting as his mother spoke. “No.”

“Alastair-”

“No! I never asked for this! I never wanted this! You told me that I needed to be head of the family in his absence, but now that he’s returned, it’s as if the past six months never happened? As if the past decade never happened? He has been absent for ten years. Cordelia was allowed to simply be a child. Because she had a ‘big heart,’ you say? What about mine? Was it always small, or did you, did Father make it that way? Because I genuinely cannot remember a time before. When was I meant to just be a child? When you sent me away to school, to meet all of the boys who were allowed to simply grow up and make mistakes and learn from them while I was busy trying to keep my father alive and my family together? I didn’t need to be stronger. I was a child!” His voice cracked. “I needed to be loved and protected! I needed someone to take care of me, not the other way around! I needed to feel safe! I was a child!”

He clenched his fists at his sides, seeing white. “It didn’t make me stronger. It made me- it made me broken. It made me bitter and angry, so much so that I pushed it onto everyone else. It made me a monster. Do you know how awful school was? They taught me to hate myself. I became a bully because it was easier to hurt others than let them hurt me. I let nearly every part of me die, just trying to survive it. I knew someone who didn’t, a fourteen-year-old boy who I watched die. And yet I preferred that over the idea of returning home and dealing with Father’s illness again. Do you want to know the truth?”

He took a step closer to his mother, her expression hard and unreadable. “The truth is that the moment I met someone who I thought might actually take care of me and protect me, I ran to him. I trusted him like I’d never allowed myself to trust anyone. And I stayed with him, even as he lied to me, as he left me cold and alone night after night, as he made it clear time and time again that he would never prioritize me over his own whims and desires. I wanted so badly to feel loved that I gave him all I had, all of my time and energy and attention, knowing that he would never return any of it.”

He took a step back, finally feeling the tears that had spilled down his cheeks. “I’ve realized now that I deserve better. I deserved better. You deserve better.” He lowered his voice and looked down. He knew that his mother loved him, that Cordelia loved him, that maybe even Elias loved him, in his own way. He just wished he never had to wonder whether his life would be different if someone had cared about him. “I know… I know you love me, that you love all of us. I know that you didn’t have many choices. You were in a terrible situation. But I can’t stand here and watch you sit in your denial any longer, knowing the prices we have both paid for it.”

He stared at her, waiting for her to respond, but she did not. Alastair did the only thing he knew left to do: he turned and left. As he started towards the staircase, he stopped and spoke one last time. “You were meant to protect me, and you did not. That’s okay, because I’m learning how to be whole again. I’m finding better ways to survive. I am mending my own heart, alone, because it is my only option. But I want to make one thing clear, this is not meant to be the price of family. This did not make me strong, and you have nothing to be proud of.”

Finally satisfied, he retreated to his room without waiting for a reaction.

***

Sona returned to her room after her son stormed off. Her eyes scanned her dresser, a quiet mess of makeup, perfumes, Elias’ house key. She’d only just given it to him, but it was pointless. He always lost them. At least today, he’d forgotten them in their own home, and not at a bar or on a park bench or in some hansom cab halfway across the city. She looked up at her reflection in the mirror, at the purple spot under her eyes, at the wrinkles now set into her face, and thought of the days when she was younger. Did she always look older than her years?

Elias had been older than her, of course. Much older. Despite her young age, she’d been a widow. Not just a widow, but accused of murder. Despite all that had happened since, she could still remember clearly going before the Mortal Sword, confessing all that had happened, and watching herself acquitted and her husband’s death swept under the rug by a society that did not wish to face the reality of what she had endured.

She’d been frightened, terrified, certain that no one would ever love after what she had done. She’d always known that her life would be difficult, that it would be unlikely for her to find a respectable husband, that she would never marry for love. Theodor was supposed to be a catch. She was meant to be the luckiest girl alive. She was young and naïve and blood spilled for it over, and over, and over, until she broke. Until everyone around her could see that she was broken.

She thought that Elias would make her whole. She believed that he would take care of her, that he would love her, that he would provide. She hadn’t known how she could be so lucky, twice.

Now, she wondered if she should have taken off on that milking cart.

She’d thought about it many times, what her life could have become if she’d simply left. If she’d run away, away from the Shadow World, away from all that knew her past. She could have started over as a mundane.

She always pushed the thought aside. If she had run, she would never have had her children.

Her children.

Their lives had been much more difficult than she’d dreamed of. They were never going to be easy, not being who they are, not in this world they lived in. Some pains were unavoidable.

Some were not.

Alastair had been a happy child, once. He’d carried so much love in his heart, perhaps even more than Cordelia ever had. That is why, when he learned the truth, he agreed so readily to help. Because he loved Cordelia, and her, and Elias, so much. He did not yet know that for some, the cost of love was pain and hopelessness.

She allowed him to pay that price, the same one that she had paid, because it was easier than accepting the truth. Even as she watched him grow more and more anxious, as dark circles imprinted themselves under his eyes, as Risa shot her disapproving looks every time she asked him to look after Elias, or take care of Cordelia, or clean up some bottles, she allowed that price to be paid.

She thought that the Shadowhunter Academy could be good for him, that perhaps it would benefit him to be away from the house. She was a fool, and by the time he first returned from school, she could see that the little boy she’d once known had disappeared.

She could see him again, now, fighting to be heard. She could see that her son was finding himself again, but that it was a slow and painful process, and that he was still very far away. She wondered where her old self had gone, and if she could find her, or if she even still existed at all.

She’d always known that Alastair was similar to her. Too similar, it seemed, and now, he had made the same mistakes she had. She knew the pain he felt too well, the pain that she could see in his eyes, hear in his voice. She’d thought that was love, but it was not. She’d learned the hard way, and now Alastair had, too. She knew that it was not a coincidence.

You had the biggest heart of them all, she wanted to tell her son. It’s still yours. I’m sorry.

She did not know how.

She rested a hand on her swollen belly and thought about taking care of an infant while also taking care of her husband. She could no longer not ask anyone else to do it for her.

For this baby, still unmarred by life’s hardships, for Alastair, for Cordelia, for herself, she took a deep breath and gathered her husband’s few belongings. She threw them in a suitcase, along with a short note, and placed it on their front steps, locking the door behind her.

A/N: Thanks for reading! The Farsi words are just terms of endearment, like “my dear.” I just want to say that I don’t necessarily think everything that Alastair said or Sona thought is true (or that Alastair even believed everything he said), I was just trying to get inside their heads a bit. Forgiving (and blaming) parents is really hard and complicated, and I really wanted to explore how Alastair felt about Sona a bit more.

#fanfiction #alastair carstairs #sona carstairs #anti elias carstairs #the last hours #tlh #chain of gold #chog #cog2 #cw alcoholism #cw physical abuse #cw bullying #cw toxic relationship

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firelordzukohere · 4 years

Text

Interior Décor

Hello!

When I made this 4 chapters, I initially thought: “Oh 4 weeks? That’s a long time!”

Why didn’t anyone tell me it wasn’t that long!?! I feel like I just started this and I’m already sad it’s over! Please let me know if you want an epilogue or even some cute little one shots. I already have one in my head but I want to know if anyone would even be interested in it. Please let me know!

Finally,

Thank you everyone who read, re-blogged, liked, commented, or messaged me about this story. I haven’t posted a Zuko fanfiction since I was probably 15 years old and the support I received then wasn’t half as much as I have now. You guys are amazing and wonderful and every single notification I got made me smile brightly. I’d seriously get people asking me why I’m smiling at my phone so much. I’m so grateful to each and every one of you for everything, from my whole heart. Thank you so much.

Please enjoy the last chapter of Interior Décor! I truly, truly hope you like it!

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Zuko X Fem!Reader

Warnings: Fluff, Slight Aangst(heh), and some implications

Word Count: 5k

Summary: Iroh felt it was time for the Palace to reflect the time of Peace and Love that Zuko promised five years earlier at his coronation. He takes it upon himself to hire an interior decorator to help his nephew out and work together. What he didn’t expect was for Zuko to possibly find his own peace and love in the process.

Chapter 3: Jacquard >> Chapter 4: Trompe l’oeil >> Epilogue

The next morning, (Y/N) woke up to a chasm in her chest the size of the Earth Kingdom. It was as if several Earthbenders decided to practice their bending inside of her and leave a massive chunk missing from within. She already yearned to see Zuko again.

Burying her face further into her pillow she moaned. Why did they have to get along so well? Why couldn't she have just worked with Iroh the whole time instead of the Fire Lord? Didn't he have people who were supposed to handle the menial stuff like her, instead of himself? She never considered the fact that all the advisors that would come up to him throughout the couple of weeks wouldn't really stay around much. They always seemed busy doing other things, leaving the Fire Lord to his own devices. Leaving him to spend his days with her, laughing, talking, comfortable silences, and dancing.

She remembered how it felt being led around the floor by him. The moment was so intimate, so right, and she wanted to dance with him all over again. It was like a cloud carried her around, a warm, attractive cloud.

Another groan escaped her lips before she pulled herself out of bed to go and make some tea. Her aunt was already outside meditating for the morning, so she had to be silent as she set the pot on its stand and bent some fire to warm it up.

The silence was disturbed when there were three knocks on their front door. Her aunt looked over at her, brows furrowed in confusion at who could be here this early in the morning.

(Y/N) walked toward the door and slid it open to reveal a courier holding a large package wrapped in intricate silk.

"(Y/N)?" He asked, and she nodded in confirmation. The man shoved the package into her hand before rushing back to his ostrich horse and riding away. She stared at him dumbfounded for a moment and then balanced the package in one hand, shutting the door with the other.

"Ooh! A gift! From the Fire Lord?" Her aunt gushed walking up behind her to examine the beautiful box. (Y/N)'s face burned before she moved to the counter to unwrap the present. She wasn't sure if she hoped it was from him or not. If it was, that meant her aunt could possibly spread more rumors about her having an affair with the Fire Lord, but if it wasn't she was sure there would be a twinge of sadness that this random encounter wasn't from him.

As she removed the silk, opened the box and lifted what was inside, she gasped. It was a beautiful dress, very obviously Fire Nation red, but golden lace lined the halter neckline, and the bodice was covered in red roses with green leafs. The skirt was massive as she continued to pull it from the box. Once the item was fully out she couldn't help but admire the beauty.

However, she was slightly annoyed. This must have cost him at least a hundred gold pieces. She knew she had told him that her wardrobe did not consist of a dress that would be acceptable for the celebration, but that didn't mean he had to go out and buy her a new one!

"Oooh look! There's sleeves!" Her aunt said next to her pulling out sleeves that were the same gold to match the neckline. "And a note!" She handed (Y/N) the note and looked at her intensely to see who it was from.

(Y/N),

You said you didn't have a gown and that's the reason you wouldn't come tonight. I had my tailors work over time to make you this because I cannot imagine spending this evening celebrating you, without you there. I will not make a big fuss about you, so you can slip in silently and leave whenever you feel, but please come, at least to see how amazed everyone is going to be at the site of your hard work. Please come, for me.

I truly hope to see you tonight.

Zuko

P.S. I know you're probably worried about my tailors, they were not overworked and have been overly compensated for their duties.

(Y/N)'s face was as red as the gown as her aunt ripped the note from her hands to read it. With a gasp she looked up at her niece and grinned furiously.

"Exactly how close did you get with the Fire Lord during this time? You implied he was in meetings most of your work days." Her tone pointed and (Y/N) frowned. "Dear, this note isn't just a client 'Thank you' this appears to be a subtle declaration."

Grunting angrily, (Y/N) shoved the dress back into the box and snatched the note and the sleeves from her aunt, forcing them inside as well.

"It doesn't matter, I'm not going tonight anyway. It's highly unprofessional of me to go to this party especially in a dress the Fire Lord had specifically made for me," she grumbled. "I'll just return the garment tomorrow and explain to him how offensive it is for him to expect to buy my attendance to the celebration." Her voice a low hiss as she pushed passed her aunt and into her bedroom, sliding the door shut angrily.

Sitting on the bed, she stared down at the box in her hands. She wasn't exactly angry at Zuko's gift, but she was angry that now she was put in this position. If she went, her aunt would spread all over town that she and the Fire Lord had more than a professional relationship and if she didn't she would waste the tailors' hard work and possibly hurt Zuko.

Who cares what anyone else thinks?

His words rang in her mind as she stared at the golden lace. She honestly only cared what he thought and the fact that he wanted her to go tonight really resonated through her.

Please come, for me.

With a sigh, she placed the box down beside her and dropped her face into the palms of her hands. The internal battle she was dealing with was ripping her apart.

It was easier said than done to ignore what people thought and said about her. If she went tonight, the entire nation's eyes could possibly be watching, scrutinizing her and the Fire Lord.

What was she supposed to do?

Zuko's voice filled her mind once again, "We're supposed to do whatever makes us happy." Why was he always right? He was obviously learning from the notoriously wise Iroh and now passing that wisdom to her.

There was a knock on her door causing her to lift her face from her hands.

"Come in," she mumbled and watched as the door slid to the side and revealed her aunt holding a cup of the tea she had forgotten was brewing.

Sitting down beside her niece, her aunt handed her the cup and then sighed, the deep sound filling the tension stagnant room. While (Y/N) always had a great relationship with her aunt, a strain had formed when her aunt had spread the rumor about her and her first client. She wasn't sure if her aunt ever realized that their bond had weakened slightly, but she tried her best to act as if nothing was wrong.

"I know you know this," her aunt started, "but sometimes I struggle with keeping to myself. I've been alone for a long time. Your uncle died young, your mother and father shut me out after, insisting that I needed to find a new husband or I'd bring shame to the family, and my parents were never really around after your mother and I were married off. Any chance I can, to form a friendship, I take, even if it means hurting the people I love dearly in the process." The older woman frowned as she pat (Y/N)'s knee gently, "I've hurt you with my gossip, and I realize that. I was so excited for your new business and when I thought your first client could also potentially be someone to share your life with, I was happy for you..." trailing off, she couldn't help but sigh again, "but I didn't expect people to take what I had said and turn it into something to harm you. I didn't understand why these women began saying you were a homewrecker when it was common knowledge his wife had already left him. Instead of shutting those rumors down though, I made them worse, and in all honesty, it didn't stop me from creating new ones either."

(Y/N) felt the tears sting the corner of her eyes, begging to be freed from her, to relieve and soothe the pain she was enduring at the memories. They wanted to wash away the sadness. She loved her aunt, but the woman definitely caused a lot of hurt in her life. Even now, as she really did find herself fond of the Fire Lord, she couldn't help but hold back due to the idea that her aunt could spread rumors that would hurt her again. Instead of allowing her pain to show, she gulped down the tea, hoping that it would ease up some of the tension in her body. Once she finished she rested the cup on the bed and stared at her hands, waiting for her aunt to finish whatever she wanted to say.

"I hurt you when I accused you of having anything but a professional relationship with the Fire Lord. I know you're a strong woman who has had to battle many hardships in her life, especially when it comes to love and happiness, and I know I didn't make any of that easier on you even though I was supposed to. For that, I am genuinely sorry." Turning to the box next to her, she lifted the note out and handed it to (Y/N), "I think you should go." The woman whispered and (Y/N)'s head shot up to stare at her aunt. "He clearly cares for you, it's written in this note without even saying it outright. You've been even happier than normal these last couple of weeks whenever you wake up to go see him and when you come home after spending the day with him. I haven't seen that look since you first started your business and you shined at the opportunity to do something you loved. (Y/N) don't let this opportunity of love slip away, even if there is a risk of what people might say. Let them talk about you. As long as you're happy and you've got what you want, let them boil in their own gossip and rumors."

The sob escaped, and (Y/N) shoved her face into her aunt's neck, wrapping her arms around the older woman. Letting her niece cry it out, (Y/N)'s aunt rubbed her back reassuringly and held her tight.

"Thank you," (Y/N) whispered causing her aunt to smile and caress her hair as she pulled back.

"I love you, my dear," the woman smiled, and stood up quickly. "Now, we've got until sunset to get you dolled up and ready for this celebration. When you walk into that room, no one will be able to keep their eyes off of you, especially not that Fire Lord." Her aunt winked before pulling her up and dragging her out of the house toward the shopping district.

Just after sunset, (Y/N) was standing inside her house, dressed in her gown, with her hair curled and flowing around her face, only a small portion was pulled back into a proper bun with golden leaves pinned around it in a circle. She had gotten her makeup done, with golden and maroon hues to accent her dress, and simple gold sandals hidden underneath the dress for easy walking and dancing.

"You look like the queen of the Fire Nation," her aunt gushed as she finished tying the back of her dress. "The poor Fire Lord won't know what hit him when you arrive," she swooned as she came back around to give her niece a final once over. "The party has most likely already begun, so I suggest you get into the carriage now. It's better to arrive fashionably late where everyone will be able to get a good look at you in your grand entrance," she teased.

(Y/N) hugged her aunt and thanked her for everything. She was grateful the woman had talked her into attending the celebration and helped her prepare for it. Their embrace, though only lasting a few moments, seemed to help repair the crack that had been formed for years. When they released, (Y/N) smiled and made her way outside to the carriage they had requested for the evening. A palanquin would have been too expensive, but a carriage was nice, especially since it wasn't too breezy outside to ruin her hair.

After one final wave to her aunt, she was on her way to the Palace, both nervous and excited to see the Fire Lord again.

His eyes darted around, wondering if he'd be able to catch a look at a familiar face with beautiful (Y/E/C) eyes and long (Y/H/C) hair. While he knew that she didn't have to come, he had hoped he had possibly convinced her to with his gift and his note. Though he wanted to spew out in the letter that he didn't want another day to go by without seeing her face, he had to instead be smart about it, in case she didn't return the feelings that swelled within him.

Smiles and hopeful eyes surrounded him as he made his way through the brand new ballroom, filled with diplomats and various other important people that didn't really feel very important to him. Several women had already come up telling him he owed them a dance or two, to which he merely smiled and noncommittally nodded. There was only one person he wanted to dance with tonight and if she wasn't going to be there, he wouldn't step a foot onto that floor without her.

"Ah! Fire Lord Zuko!" A Fire Sage stepped into his path with a bow. "I've been meaning to introduce you to my daughter, Tora," the man gestured to the young woman beside him dressed in a long golden dress with her hair pulled into a tall ponytail. "She's been talking nonstop about this party and the ability to finally dance within the Fire Nation Palace." The Sage chuckled and shoved his daughter toward Zuko.

"It's an honor to meet you Tora," Zuko said, bowing with respect, watching as she flushed but not returning the motion. She giggled and rested her hand on his bicep, squeezing slightly.

"It's my honor, Fire Lord, my father has spoken nothing but good words about you since getting the opportunity to work with you after you took over from your father, shame he didn't turn out to be the man everyone thought he would be." Zuko tensed slightly. No, he turned out to be everything everyone wanted him to be, because the Fire Nation blindly followed his father due to the previous ideals his grandfather and great grandfather had set in their time.

"Yes," Zuko said, already losing interest in the conversation at her words, "it's quite a shame…" he mumbled, looking around to see if anyone could spare him. That's when he spotted a familiar face. "If you'll excuse me, I need to go check on the food for this evening," he rushed away, pulling his arm from her grasp in the process.

Striding up to his hero, Zuko pat his uncle on the back with a grateful smile. Iroh turned to look at him, his face full of roast duck that was being served on a stick.

"Nephew!" Iroh mumbled with his mouth packed, "this party is wonderful! The ballroom is beautiful." Zuko nodded his head, looking around at the glow of the lights from the chandeliers and the ornate imagery of dragons and fire painted into the ceiling. "Speaking of beauty, where is the wonderful creature behind this room? I assumed she'd be here to celebrate with you." The older man said with a wink. Zuko's face flushed for a moment before he took a piece of duck off of Iroh's skewer and shoved it into his own mouth, taking a second to come up with a proper reply to his uncle's very loaded question.

"I've invited her, but she implied that she didn't really like the idea of celebrating herself, she felt it unprofessional," his voice thick with sadness as he thought about her not wanting to be around him. Iroh patted his nephew's face and smiled.

"Don't count your losses yet," he said reassuringly, "she could still come." Zuko nodded his head, hopeful but still disappointed.

He wasn't sure how it happened so quickly. It felt like he went from loathing the idea of someone spending several weeks in his house, going over everything wrong with it, to counting the time until he'd be able to see her again after she had just left for the day. Their bond formed so quickly it didn't seem to be something solid for him to consider, but no matter how hard he tried to banish it from his mind, she just walked right back into his head, perfection and all, telling him that it wasn't that easy to get rid of her. He loved how strong she was but also that she cared so much about him and even his uncle in the small time they knew each other. She was fiery and passionate about her job and he wondered if that would translate the same into a relationship as well… a relationship with a certain head of the Fire Nation.

However, he was worried that he'd never be able to see her again. What if she didn't come tonight? He'd be stuck wondering what would have happened if she had. Would he admit to her his feelings? Would she have returned them? Would they have danced together? Kissed?

Zuko let out a deep sigh and removed himself from his head, turning his attention back on his uncle who seemed to be examining the table of food for something else to enjoy. Shaking his head with an amused grin, Zuko grabbed a slice of ash banana bread and popped it into his mouth, enjoying the warm, sweet taste.

"Sir," his advisor Shuro appeared next to him, "the council would like for you to have a quick word with them in the chambers, it appears there are some rumors of an attack on the Earth Kingdom by Fire Nation rebels," he whispered. Zuko groaned and nodded his head, gesturing for his advisor to lead the way, also grabbing Iroh by the arm and pulling him along.

He wanted this to be a no work event, where he could enjoy himself, his people could enjoy themselves and maybe, just maybe, he could spend the evening with someone he cared about.

As (Y/N) entered the ballroom, she couldn't help but notice several eyes land on her. Scrutinizing faces from several women and lots of whispering began as she strode into the room, looking around for the Fire Lord himself. She knew she could spot him in a crowd of thousands, so when she didn't see him, she had to assume he wasn't there. Frowning, she made her way quickly to the food table to find something to distract her from the ache in her chest at the fact that he was most likely busy with someone else, whether that be a possible courtship or someone from the council. She picked up a single tea sandwich and nibbled on it, looking around the grand room at all the people. Some were dancing, which made her smile, others were swaying while they talked, a few were laughing and drinking heavily. It was a wonderful atmosphere filled with merriment and joy, something the Fire Nation had been without for the last one hundred years, of their own accord, of course.

Women were dressed in beautiful gowns some Fire Nation colored, others from various Nations like the Earth Kingdom and Water Tribes, some even differing from the cultures and made up of glorious silks that were every color imaginable. She was definitely grateful for Zuko providing her with the dress, because anything she had remotely close to acceptable would have paled dramatically in comparison.

Munching on her sandwich, she watched as a man strode toward her with a smooth smile on his face. Her heart dropped knowing that this wasn't going to be good, he looked ready to hunt and she didn't feel like being the prey today.

"What's a beautiful woman like you doing over here by yourself?" He asked, flipping his head to the side and flashing a toothy smile at her. Internally groaning, she returned a curve of her lips that didn't quite reach her eyes.

"I'm waiting for someone," she said politely.

"Obviously he's a fool for leaving you alone," the man sidled up to her, reaching behind her to grab a fig and attempting to seductively eat it while staring her in the eye. She let out an unamused giggle, it sounded more like a sigh than a laugh, and shook her head.

"He's just a busy man," she amended, but it didn't help. After finishing his fig, he grabbed her hand and pulled her toward him.

"Let's dance while you wait for him, though I'm not classically trained, I can hold my own," his grip on her fingers was tense but she managed to rip herself from his grasp and frown.

"I'll pass thank you," she replied harshly. Before he could say another word, she stormed away, attempting to look for any relief in sight. That's when she saw an escape and ducked for it, hoping no one noticed as she slipped down the stairs and out into the beautiful garden. The turtle ducks quacked happily in the glow of the moonlight that now lit up the whole garden.

She let out a breath she had apparently been holding in since her departure from the creepy man, and leaned against the large tree in relief. Tonight was not exactly going how she planned. While it may have been her imagination, she wanted to walk into the room, have everyone stop to look at her in awe, and then watch as the Fire Lord shoved his way through the crowed to pull her toward him in front of everyone and kiss her deeply.

Instead she had been scoffed at, hidden in a corner hoping that maybe she could find some peace in food, only to be rudely manhandled by some obviously drunken man who didn't understand she wasn't interested in him. She felt like a fool for thinking that tonight would be magical, like those tales her mother used to read to her when she was young.

Zuko was too busy for her, she should have expected that. He was the Fire Lord for crying out loud, why did she think he would drop everything for her? Maybe it was because he had during the redecoration… or maybe it's because she hoped that his feelings for her were somehow as strong as hers for him.

Again, she was just a fool though, thinking that the Lord of the Fire Nation would actually see anything in her other than a decorator. That's what she had wanted wasn't it? A professional relationship that didn't come with the backlash of rumors and heartache? Why did she feel so empty though at that thought? Why is it, instead of picturing Zuko as her client, she only saw him as her friend, and even potentially more? Why did she even come here tonight?

Zuko was finally free from his meeting, grateful they had found a solution for the possible Earth Kingdom attack. Now he was able to enjoy the night and freely walk around and mingle.

With his gaze once again darting around the room in hopes of seeing her, he realized he was disappointed that she seemed nowhere to be found. At the sight of the Fire Lord back within the party, several women rushed forward, begging him for their dance now. Zuko cringed outwardly and held up his hands assuring the women that he wasn't really the dancing type. He insisted that he needed a bit of air and politely circled around them to escape their yearning eyes.

The Fire Lord made his way to the garden, silently going down the steps, hoping no one had spotted him in his departure. He froze though, when his eyes landed on a familiar figure crouched down next to the pond, petting the turtle ducks with her finger.

"You came…" he breathed out relieved as he walked toward her. Her head turned to look at him and her face lit up. Standing tall, she watched as he strode up next to her, his face bright with a smile. "You…" he paused as his gaze finally examined her. "You look… good," he said awkwardly and then slammed his palm to his face, causing her to giggle.

"Thank you, it's a Fire Nation original," she teased, attempting to let him know she wasn't offended by his lack of words. "You look really nice too, but of course you always do in Fire Nation colors." His face burned at her compliment. Turning toward the party that still went on in the ballroom she smiled, "you sure know how to throw a party, Fire Lord Zuko, everyone really seems to be enjoying themselves."

"Are you?" He asked, curious as she was out here by herself. She looked back to him and nodded her head with the corner of her mouth turned up slightly.

"Yes, I just can't seem to keep myself away from this garden and these little darlings," the woman said, gesturing to the turtle ducks. "Have you gotten some time to relax and have a little fun?"

"Not really, but that's okay, I have a new bedroom I can use to unwind and relax in at night," he winked, finally gaining a bit of confidence to flirt with her. Another laugh escaped her and Zuko's heart swelled at the sound. "(Y/N), I'm really glad you came tonight. All day I dreaded the idea of having this party and not enjoying it with you." At his words, she blushed. "I also don't enjoy the fact that I won't be seeing you everyday anymore and I want to find a way to remedy that." Letting out a harsh laugh, (Y/N) shook her head.

"Trust me Fire Lord Zuko, you won't even remember me after a couple of weeks." Her insecurities rearing their evil head, attempting to shut down the fluttering in her chest.

"No, I'll remember you," he said, stepping toward her. Her eyes met his and he could see the fear within them. "I'd rather not risk that though and just see you as often as I can." His voice was low and husky.

"What would you have me do? Decorate something else? We did most of the Palace, everything I didn't touch was already perfectly fine."

"The Palace is perfect now, thanks to you, but I was thinking you might want to come and see me, not my Ballroom or my Throne room," he teased with a smirk, resting his hand on her cheek. "Maybe we could have lunches and dinners together, or take a trip somewhere, I'd like you to meet my friends and get to know them because I think they'd love you," he paused and took a deep breath, "like I'm beginning to." She sucked in a breath at his declaration. "I'd like the opportunity to spend every spare minute I have with you and laugh with you. I love your laugh so much (Y/N) it makes my entire day. I play it through my head all throughout my meetings, trying to remind myself of it until the next time I get to hear it," obviously a giggle escaped her lips at the sentiment causing a goofy smile to appear on the Fire Lord's face.

"Are you sure this is what you want?" She asked, sounding fearful, "I know we talked about it but what will people say when they see us together?" Shaking her head nervously she wasn't sure what to do, everything he said sounded wonderful but she didn't want him to make a mistake.

"I know what I want, I want what makes me happy, and that's you. Do I make you happy?" He asked, his voice determined.

"Yes more than anything." Her words left her lips in a whisper, "I couldn't believe I was falling in love with the Fire Lord until I woke up this morning and felt like someone had taken my heart out and left a hole in it, at the thought we wouldn't be together again."

Zuko grinned before moving his hand to take hers, and resting his other one on her waist. She smiled back at him, aware of what he was trying to do before placing her hand on his shoulder and allowing him to sway her around the grass. Their eyes never left each other's as they danced to the softened music behind them in the ballroom.

"I swore to myself that if I didn't get to dance with you tonight, I wasn't going to dance with anyone else," he replied with a chuckle, rubbing her back with his thumb as he guided her. "You're the only one I want to dance with… other than Aang, but that's a dragon thing," he joked and she laughed again.

He couldn't stop himself, at the sound of her laugh, he dipped his head forward and captured her lips with his, relieved when she reciprocated the action with fervor.

Their swaying stopped but their mouths didn't part as Zuko moved his hands to fully encase her hips and hers slid up to his neck where she pulled him closer, as if it were possible.

When they both separated for air, Zuko let out a smile, before pecking her on the lips once more with affection.

Standing on the platform with a bright grin on his face, Iroh watched as his nephew and (Y/N) returned to their dancing stance and swayed in contentment once more. He was grateful Zuko was finally able to enjoy himself and was happy that it was with someone as wonderful as she was. Behind him, Shuro popped up asking Iroh if he had seen the Fire Lord anywhere, Iroh shook his head and led the man away, ensuring that his nephew got some peace and love.

Master List

Tag List: @royahllty @mangoberry43 @mrskeishasdead @taeeemin @blushbadger @shortmexicangirl @fire-lady-livi @jujugentle

#atla #avatar the last airbender #avatar #atla fanfic #atla fanfiction #zuko x reader #zuko x fem!reader #Fire Lord Zuko #zuko fanfic #zuko #zuko x y/n #x y/n #zuko x you #x reader #firelordzukohere #interiordecor #atla x reader

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army-of-mai-lovers · 4 years

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ATLA fic recs pt 3!

part 1 part 2 (again, consider this a re-rec of everything I recced in those parts, those were all brilliant fics! I have really good taste y’all)

This is for Spotlight Saturday (which I didn’t even know was a thing oh my goodness that’s so cool) and also bc I passed two milestones since making the last one of these! thank you! I don’t know why you’re here but I’m so glad you are! <3 <3 <3 <3 also, a gentle reminder that I love so, so many more fics than appear on these lists, and there are even more fics that I’m simply not exposed to. if you want to send me your work or the work of people you really like, please do so! (G or T only, please)

1. Hooked by @listless-brainrot I know List writes fic specifically to cause me pain but I cannot tell you how much serotonin I got when I found out during the Great Jetru Summer Storm of 2020 that somebody had a) already made content and b) that content was literally incredible. Like not only does List have impeccable taste and an impressive amount of patience he’s also a really good writer??? To be perfectly honest I sometimes turn my brain off a little when I read fic, but List makes me sit up and pay attention to his writing and the way he’s writing. I think the framing device here with Haru telling this story to the gaang at the Western Air Temple is so interesting (and it makes me so scared list dude please tell me that doesn’t mean what I think it means you can’t-) and Jet and Haru’s burgeoning friendship/relationship? has been handled with such care and with such depth. I am absolutely obsessed with how he characterizes Haru in particular. Haru, being such a minor character, normally doesn’t get any kind of characterization, but List really said not only is Haru going to be the pov character of this fic, I am going to create an environment that gives him so much nuance. We really have no choice to stan.

2. and the stars, they too, tell of spring by @katarahairloopies when I first read this fic I went absolutely feral, as I am wont to do with Kit’s fics and with yueki content in general. It’s just so personal. And like not in the queer eye meme way (although,,,,yes) but to me it’s very clear that the author has spent time in the situation they’re describing, in one way or another, and took a lot of care in rendering that situation to the absolute fullest of their ability. It’s one of those fics that has just stayed with me even though I read it a while ago, like I can still picture the situation, the way they described it, the way I felt reading it. Simply iconic. Simply iconic. I wish every atla fic writer would have the kind of care and patience with Yue and Suki’s characters in their long af fics that Kit does in a really short and pointed piece of work.

3. i like my girls just like i like my honey by @lazypigeon I am....obsessed with this???? I love it??? It is totally gorgeous. I’m a sucker for ship fics that also explore friendships and the whole friendship between Sokka and Yue was just so queer and so utterly perfect. The jokes about their neighbors thinking they were married...the background zukka...the dresses....I loved it all so much. It really brought a smile to my face to read some fluff about two friends going outside to hang out with one another, like can you imagine??? wild. And then we meet Suki who is a farmer at the farmer’s market that Sokka and Yue go to and y’all pls tell me why farmer’s market aus aren’t a bigger thing because the idea of Suki being a farmer and asking Yue to go sample strawberries with her was just???? so cute????? like go off that’s absolutely iconic again we have no choice but to stan! And Sokka was absolutely hilarious when he was trying to wingman for Yue it was so funny and cute. also bonus for the title it was simply *chef’s kiss*

4. the anchor by @firelordemai one of my fave Maiko fics to date. Both POVs were on point but there was just something extra about that Mai POV it was gripping. I could not tear my eyes away from the screen reading this. I love love loved so much how the rock stood for their love for one another and how Zuko kept it, the whole way through, just utter and complete perfection I’m getting emotional just thinking about it oh my goodness. Legit it’s been a minute since I read the fic I’m just sitting here thinking about the use of language and how their relationship progressed and I am crying!!! I am crying!!! just. the talent. the talent! your fave could never! I am just obsessed with how the author chronicled them growing up and the challenges they faced as teenagers and the way they were driven apart and came back together again and my heart was on the floor in pieces when Zuko left it was just. oh my goodness. read this.

5. time for the moon night by @kahtara ok storytime: when that ask game where you tell the author your favorite fic of theirs went around I hit up Joey and said that it was between laughter lines (which I have recced before peep part 2) and icarus, point to the sun and that I was planning on reading time for moon night but I just didn’t know if I had the emotional strength to do it and they said it’s less sad than laughter lines so I was like all right chill I’ll read it and NO, NO IT WAS NOT LESS SAD THAN LAUGHTER LINES, IT WAS, PERHAPS, MORE SAD THAN LAUGHTER LINES. in all seriousness, time for the moon night is my new favorite fic of theirs. the way they write yukka in general is just so full of nuance and emotion, they really flesh out both Sokka and Yue’s characters so well and in such a careful and precise manner and I really love it. The way time is bent throughout this whole fic is just so amazing. this kind of gorgeous, thoughtful writing that isn’t shy to really get at the depths is the reason I love fanfiction. this is why I care! ao3 is FREE. and yet you can get writing of that quality and substance?????? i’m floored honestly.

6. if you ran away (come back home) by @shrinkthisviolet I want to spotlight one line in particular. “She wondered how long it would take him to notice the weak spot on the dummy’s left side.” That is so Mai. That is so Mai. The author did such a wonderful job capturing Mai’s situation and her perspective on it, but that line prepared me for an absolutely wonderful character study of Mai and look into her situation before and after the Agni Kai. I’m honestly so floored at how the author was able to portray such an intimate character study that so in character and so well thought out. Mai stans, come get y’alls juice. This one is also really sad and I cried a little (me crying at ATLA fanfiction is exactly as common of an occurrence as you think it is.) What was particularly heartbreaking to me was the way that the author showed how, even as a kid, Mai was driven to suppress her feelings and play to her best political interests. She’s just a kid! She’s just a little baby!!!!!!! I’m heartbroken, and I’m at a loss for words, quite frankly. I want Mai to have the whole world. gosh anyway this author is so incredible and I’m so so excited to read more of her work, because this was just stunning and deserves an incredible amount of praise.

#fic recs #this post is so late omg #that doesn't matter what matters is that it's here #jetru #yueki #so much yueki #maiko #yukka #atla #atla fic recs

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khaleesiofalicante · 3 years

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I knew I would think of something. And I honestly cannot believe I did not comment on it sooner because I just thought it was so well done. Bringing up the fact that due to hate crimes, most of us minorities walk around with some form of self-defense on us. Alec of course would not realize this being that he grew up in fortunate circumstances, but when he finally does, he uses his influence to pass a bill to reduce the risk of Asian hate crimes. Not everyone is like this, but I wish that we had more people in power that thought of us. It’s definitely something he would start realizing more especially being that not only does he have a husband who is a man of color, but his sons are as well. I’m happy that he does not just ignore these issues just because he does not experience them, and he does what he can to make a difference. It shows another side of the spectrum. The side of people who grew up in fortunate circumstances, so they do not understand what certain minorities face, not because they don’t want to, but because they have never had a reason to. There are those who are ignorant, and will continue to stay ignorant because they never want to learn or except that we face our own set of problems that they will never have to. But then there are others, like Alec, like some of my own friends, who have just never had those experiences, and they really do want to learn and make a difference where they can. I also appreciate you bringing this up especially since as a woman of color with a disability, the current climate usually has me fearing for my safety whenever I have to be outside alone. It breaks my heart knowing that some of us walk out of our schools and our jobs, and worry that our lives could possibly be endangered because some people are close minded. Thank you for not sweeping these issues under the rug, but also for bringing them up very tactfully. Your stories are not only a good read, but I feel like they help with raising awareness to issues that various minorities face. I know this was a very rambling ask, and I might not be making sense, but I feel like it was something I had to get out there :-)

Aw, lily. Thank you. This means a lot to me.

I think all writers have a style of writing and this is mine. Since I started writing - I was 10 - I've always sort of merged different issues or important topics (from my pov) into the stories I write. As I mentioned before, I believe firmly in advocacy through storytelling and it's something I do in my work so it has weaved it's way into my writing as well - including fanfiction.

And your point about Alec is absolutely right. In Timeline 01, as we will see, Alec is not aware of his own privilege. Even in Timeline 02, we can see hints of it. Because that "wokeness" is not something that happens over night, you see. You need to constantly learn and unlearn to be a good ally. That's what Alec is. That's who he aspires to be.

The little bit about covid I included in the first chapter was just to point that even shitstorms like that can be handled effectively with good leadership - with leaders who have foresight and empathy. It's just a covid-less au that is too good to be true sigh.

Thank you for sharing this with me. It touched me <3

#lily pad #divorce au #love

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vasoula · 4 years

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The Peepshow

Summary: Two months after his redemption journey, Sasuke is back to Konoha and Sakura couldn’t be more happy about them spending a lot of time together. However, things take a hard turn when Sakura is assigned a special mission and she has to hide it from the rest of Team 7. Everything comes spiraling down when Sasuke finds out exactly what she has to do.

Tags: hard rated m, blank period, kinda AU-ish

Author’s notes: Please read, thank you!

Hello sasusaku fandom, it’s me ya girl, back after so many years to join the fandom once more. I have been missing this couple dearly and after going through a lot of fanarts, I stumbled upon my favorite girl and biggest inspiration strawberrycreampiefluff. She had made a mini doujinshi years ago, and I wanted to create a story about it so badly. So, I contracted her, got her blessings and created this mini monster fic you will read below (which she will hopefully recreate into a full fanart comic when she finds time - love you girl! - please support my friend’s art, it’s amazing!). This is a collab between us sort of. The first chapter is like a prologue - introduction to get the gist of things. This takes place after the last, but before sasusaku travels, kind of an alternate way of how sasusaku got together. I tried to keep the characters as close to canon as possible and this my first official full chaptered fic, so please be kind and leave comments and likes to show your opinion and support.

You can also read it on fanfiction and Ao3.

Next chapter

“Act one: Different mission objectives”

Haruno Sakura walks briskly towards the Hokage tower, her high-heeled shinobi sandals clanking against the pavement as she makes her presence known to the people who pass by. A few heads turn around, mostly males, to stare at her. She is known as one of the most beautiful women – if not the most – in Konoha. As the Fifth’s apprentice, she is working at the hospital as the top chief and she is well respected by shinobi villages all around the world for her talent in medical jutsu.

Sakura is currently dressed her hospital clothes, because her shift at the hospital just ended. She is wearing a button up white shirt that’s left slightly unbuttoned when it reaches her chest, a short black skirt and her white medical robe on top. She is heading to meet Tsunade who just asked for her to be present at her office immediately. The pink haired girl already knows what that means and what it entails.

It is a new mission.

That has to be it. It has been months since the last one, and her working hard as a medical ninja limited her chances of being sent into one. She is more than ready for it. However, she has a feeling this is only the start of bad news. Knowing her teacher, it has to be a special kind of mission. Being called so suddenly like that also gives her the heads up to guess the genre of it.

It must be a flower mission.

Yes, flower, Sakura thinks and nods to herself after waving at some people who greet her.

Flower mission is a term for female ninjas only. It is a code for a seduction mission.

Going and especially accepting a seduction mission is a big step for shinobi women. It is a very sensitive topic and it needs to be handled delicately and in secrecy. It is a powerful weapon which when used correctly, the mission will be done easily or quickly depending on the execution.

The three-man team pattern has most young girls create bonds or worse falling in love and it makes them attached in one way or another to their male teammates. That is why most ninja women have a difficulty seducing another man. The life of a ninja is usually short; you never know what could happen and the kunoichis value the idea of love. Still though, a woman’s power is strong and every kunoichi succeeds efficiently in their own little style.

The moment Sakura comes into the office, Tsunade’s head snaps up. The two women hold eye-contact for a few seconds before the younger medic closes the door behind her with a soft thud.

No one else is in the room, so Sakura guesses that whatever the fifth Hokage is about to tell her must be something of importance. She makes her way into the room and with elegant movements sits down on the chair that is positioned right in front of the desk. There are no formalities between apprentice and teacher when no one is around to watch, and since Tsunade made no sign to stop her, she also speaks first.

“Tsunade-sama, you called me.” It is not a question, but it is not a mere observation either.

The older woman sighs and puts her folded hands beneath her chin. Her eyes close for a moment and then she lifts her head upwards, giving Sakura a fond and soft look like a proud mother would give to her grown up child. A blonde strand escapes from her well-made and low ponytail and her red manicured fingers come forth to tag it back to place. An elegant move, and there is no wonder where Sakura took her beautiful ways from.

“Yes, I did,” Tsunade pauses for a second and then hastily continues, going straight to the point. There is no time for pleasantries. “I have a new mission for you.”

There is no surprise on Sakura’s face and Tsunade cannot tell if she already knew what her intentions are or she has simply masked her face with a facade of indifference. A true kunoichi right there, but then again…it could be the influence of a certain brooding male.

Before Sakura could ask more, Tsunade beat her into it and answers to her unspoken question. “It is a seduction mission.”

This time the girl reacts instantly and she blinks profusely, pink eyelashes fanning rosy cheeks repeatedly. “A-ah,” Sakura lets out a squeaky response, knowing the consequences of such mission.

So I was right! It is a flower mission, she thinks and curses mentally. Here come the arising problems and she has not even started yet.

“I know, but believe me, I have no choice,” Tsunade put her palms atop of the desk and she pushes her chair back slightly, “This mission is specifically made for you.”

The woman knows what she is doing to her student right now, but seriously the girl is one of the best out there. Her exotic looks and endless beauty draws men like magnets to her. Besides, with her alluring ways and witty personality, she can bend even iron willed males, for example, Sasuke Uchiha.

Sakura has already made a list of problems at the back of her mind and her inner self screams in horror.

This is her first official seduction mission. How the hell is she supposed to break the news to rest of Team 7? She cannot straight go up to them and tell them. Naruto will surely react instantly and whine about it until the next decade. She has a feeling Kakashi, being trained under Tsunade, might already know something about this mission and that leaves her with one last important person to tell.

The man her heart yearns for.

After coming back from his redemption journey, Sasuke was a changed man. He was everything she had hoped for. Some parts of his character still remained the same that go back to his genin days, but she saw a new side of him that has been hidden for years, buried deep within all the hatred he harbored for most of his life. The last Uchiha has always been a cool character with a calculating thought process. The difference now was that he was free from the hatred and sins that plagued most of his life.

That is where the healing took place – right at this heart.

While he was away he helped many people during his journey across all the lands. That in return helped him find himself. He learned to love himself again and he stopped being angry at the world. He saw life from a different perspective and by the time he returned the storm inside his mind was calm once more.

Sakura’s heart flourished when he came back two months ago.

The two have been spending time together more than ever. They hang out after Sakura’s shifts at the hospital during the day either alone or with the rest of Team 7, sometimes including Sai. Other days, when their schedules are not so busy, Naruto comes and collects each one of them so they can have dinner at Ichiraku just the three of them. On special occasions, when the Hokage in training feels extra giddy, he will bring Hinata along and they will have something akin to double dates as he likes to call them.

It is an unspoken secret that the relationship between Sasuke and Sakura is a complicated one. They are at the stage where sometimes they act like they are together or other times they are on the verge of being in a relationship. Sakura knows what she is feeling that is for sure. The pure, unwavering love she feels for him is rooted deep within her and grows everyday as she watches him be happier and calmer before her eyes. They have had their moments of intimacy together before. Instances where they became close - she remembers those intense feelings they shared through eye contact and hushed whispers when they were left alone.

The first one was after the war when Sasuke was in prison. The first time he expressed his feelings towards what had happened between them all those years. All the wrong and the ugly parts of himself he wanted to distinguish himself from.

In those quiet moments in the dark where he could not see, his eyes sealed like the criminal he was, he told her the truth. He trusted her now to reveal the ugly truth of Konoha and its elders. He divulged all the hardships his brother, Itachi Uchiha, had to endure to bring peace to the world. In a whisper, he confessed all about his clan like a dirty secret -like he was the sinner and she was the priest. And like the true healer she was, Sakura helped him see the good in him that she knew was still there and gave him disclosure. He accepted her kind words once more with a simple nod and a quiet thank you. But for Sakura, at the current time, it was more than enough. She saw the change in him. It was a small start but she would accept it. The young woman had endured harder things in the past after all.

Later that night, when she cried angry tears at the unfairness of the world, because now she knew finally about the Uchiha massacre, she knew all of them had to endure something hard in their lives and learn to live with it. But god if it did not hurt her that he was the one left suffering the most. And she just wished, she hoped, her love was enough to heal that part of himself that was trying to recover.

The second one was when he left for his redemption journey. While they had spend a few moments together before he left, nothing compares to that single experience. She knew she had to wait for him again, but this time it was not a tear jerking moment with her heart lurching in her throat. No, this time, it was her mind buzzing with all the implications his fingers left on her forehead and the fond look he was giving her.

The third one was when the Konoha 12 had their first night all together again. Of course Naruto had a hand in organizing once again. That little rascal, Sakura had thought then fondly. This guy was always trying his best to bring people together and he was doing a damn good job at it. The fact that he was able to persuade Sasuke into an outing like that was a feat itself.

Everything was going smoothly until the drinks started pouring in. Shots after shots of sake had Sakura feeling pleasantly tipsy that night, but she was not the only with that effect of alcohol on her. Somehow everyone had more than a little in their system and that did not exclude the moody male of Team 7. He was acting normal alright, Sakura would have told you, she was sure of it. But then, Ino Yamanaka, her notorious best friend was dragging her along the dance floor and she could not help but feel a hot stare at the back of her head. Goosebumps arising on her skin had her on edge. She knew then he was blatantly staring at her and he was not trying to hide it in the slightest. It was like then everyone knew what going on and her axis had sifted on its head. She could not fathom this would be the place where Sasuke would lose all his inhibitions, much less with everyone watching in anticipation his next moves. Naruto on the other hand, unbeknownst to her, was throwing just the right comments here and there, making Sasuke see Sakura from a different perspective. About time, if you had asked Naruto; he watched Sasuke analyze Sakura dancing as if she was a riddle ready to be solved.

Sasuke, at the hot age of twenty, was now a young man and finding a woman attractive was the natural course of life. However, for him these new profound feelings confused him. He did not know what he was feeling and all he wanted to do now was stare at Sakura until his eyes tired themselves out. He was ready to activate his sharingan just so he could commit that image to his memory.

That feeling in his chest was starting to bother him though and suddenly he felt all the stares on him from the intense chakra he was producing. Looking around he felt second hand embarrassment for himself, his ears getting red. Getting a shot of sake from the nearby table, Sasuke gulped down its contents and got ready to leave his position at the bar. He could not handle to keep his emotions in check any longer and this was bad. He was not ready to admit to himself what he was feeling and trying to suppress it any longer could do more harm than good. Better he left the situation right now before he put him and Sakura in a compromising position he was not ready to handle yet.

Right at that moment, Sakura decided to turn around, her dress sticking to her like a vice from all the sweat her intense dancing had caused. One look at Sasuke had time freezing. They held an intense eye contact for a few seconds, and her heart fluttered in her chest. She saw the change in him, she has seen that look before when other men had stared her way in the past. It was then she knew, tonight had been something more to him even though nothing has transpired between them yet. Maybe Sasuke was not ready to acknowledge these feelings yet, but Sakura had hope that this was the start of something new between them.

Feeling bold she started to approach him, confident in herself and brave enough thanks to the alcohol she had consumed. The moment she moved, she saw him flatter in his steps. He was about to leave and escape. The fearless Sasuke Uchiha was scared of what was transpiring between them, but she was not about to let him have his chance to escape this time. Sakura saw his jaw clenching and his hand flattering at his side from its place at the bar stool. He stared at her unblinkingly, waiting for her next move like they were about to have a fight at the training grounds.

Sakura then approached the bar like she owned the place and opened her mouth to say the most simple words known to existence.

“Hey, Sasuke”, she greeted in a whoosh, a breathless exclamation. She leaned against the bar stool and waited for the inevitable dismissal of denial.

Sakura found herself surprised however when he went rigid and leaned forward his towering body over her like he was about to whisper a dirty secret in her ear.

“You are different from the last time I remember you,” He confessed hotly, his mouth near her neck. If it was not for the obvious fact that she knew him well, any other person would have thought he was drunkenly leaning on her, but Sakura is not anybody and she understands this the way of him hiding his emotions from showing on his face in the shadows her neck provides.

What a weird way of seeking comfort from his own shyness, Sakura thought.

She idly recalled then that they were not in fact alone and Naruto was right behind them. When he started making obscene signs with his hands Sakura felt herself flush from head to toe, but the murderous glint in her eyes was apparently enough to stop Naruto’s crudeness.

“Eh, Sasuke-kun, what do you mean?”, she asked hesitantly, her hand raising and resting on Sasuke’s back in a sense of comfort. The soft material of his black shirt damp against her palm.

They were almost approaching the stage of hugging right in front of everybody.

Before they could complete the hug though, Sasuke’s head turned to the left, his cheek almost brushing against Sakura’s. The pink haired girl shyly turned her head slightly towards his direction, their faces almost touching. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see the effect he still had on her and damn him if he he did not thrive on it.

He could think of all the nice things he could say to her, now it was the perfect time to take a step closer to approaching the inevitable connection they have. But his mind had other plans when the words slipped out of his mouth. In a teasing manner he was only capable of, he smirked and said, “More annoying than ever.”

He was sure she must have caught on his teasing by now. Using bitter words of the past to heal their wounds by putting another meaning to it. She was a smart woman and she could understand his actions better than anyone.

Sasuke knew she had caught on when he felt her fist punch lightly his stomach as if to punish him for insulting her.

“That is not a very nice way of complimenting someone, Sasuke-kun,” she whispered angrily, facing him completely. Any traces of wonder were gone from her emerald eyes replaced with mirth and she continued, smiling menacingly at him, “I thought I taught you better than that.”

“Hm,” Sasuke hummed in response and stood straight once again, looking down at her.

By now they had become a spectacle to their friends, the black haired male could feel Naruto almost bristling with excitement from behind him and he was not about to disappoint his friend who has been pestering him to get on with his feelings already.

“I guess we should spend more time together so I can get better at it.”

The double meaning behind his words was evident.

Sasuke Uchiha then patted Sakura Haruno’s head like it was the most natural thing in the world to do and smiled down at her gently.

His female teammate took a big breath through her nose, rosy cheeks glowing, and crossed her arms across her chest. She had him where she wanted him.

“Damn right we should!”

That was one week ago from her current position at the Hokage office. Just when she was making a great progress with seducing Sasuke, she has to go and approach another man for a mission. Talk about making matters weird between them. The worst part is the fact that she has to tell him. She wonders what his reaction is going to be considering they are not together yet. Is he going to act jealous or indifferent?

Who is she kidding? He is just going to glare her with this stupid scary look he gives in assassination missions to terrify people off the moment the words come out of her mouth and that is it.

“I haven’t finished yet,” Tsunade literally saw the thoughts displayed across Sakura’s face. It is like her life passed before her eyes, and her skin got a tad paler.

“Of course there is more,” the pink haired girl mumbles sadly while looking down, but the Hokage lets it slide.

“You will have back-up,” Tsunade says and sees with the corner of her eye Sakura sucking in a breath, “the rest of Team 7 will be with you,” and then next thing she knows the girl is chocking on air.

“W-what?” Sakura coughed out, giving her teacher a desperate look.

She feels like she is the center of the world and it is slowly closing up on her. Life suddenly looks less appealing, because good old Team 7 is back on track again with Sakura’s first seduction mission as a head start.

“Tsunade-sama, please tell me you are joking.” The pink haired medic grabs the sides of the armchair and hopes it does not break and crumble along with her composure.

The young woman also hopes her teacher is having some kind of twisted pleasure out of this because she is certainly not feeling happy with the news.

Tsunade wants to reprimand her student for losing her temper, but she understands what the girl is going through and also knows she in no better position to talk when it comes to matters like this. Still though, ears and eyes are everywhere and they must keep a low profile when in the Hokage’s office.

“Sakura,” The curvy female looks at her seriously, “Team 7 will be the back-up of this mission and that’s final.”

I am doing it for your sake, Tsunade wants to say but keeps quiet instead.

Somehow, Sakura understands where her teacher is coming from. This will be a test for both sides. It is a test for her that is for sure. A test for patience, a test for her relationship, a test for her seduction abilities both on the target and Sasuke, because let’s be honest, who is going to calm down the last Uchiha other than her?

Sakura closes her eyes, takes a calming breath through her mouth and then controls the pattern as taught by Ino’s yoga lessons. She could do it this.

The young female opens her pretty green eyes once again and then stares at Tsunade straight in eye, a determined expression on her face. The will of fire is practically seeping through her and her fiery temper is burning up again but for another cause.

“That’s the spirit,” Tsunade says proudly and hands her the scroll that has been lying on the wooden desk the whole time. “This is your target, Misty Jade.”

The first thing Sakura does when she steps into the house is to check for a specific chakra signature around the area. Sasuke pays frequent visits to her house nowadays you would think he lived in there, having keys and all, but alas.

She lets out a long sigh of relief, glad that she did not detect Sasuke’s compelling presence. Thank heavens, cost is clear. The twenty year old girl suspects that the males of Team 7 had already been called to Tsunade’s office, the second she was out of the vicinity. She mentally praises her teacher and then she decides to prepare for battle. The kunoichi briefly wonders how the hell she is supposed to deal with this. She has no clue how to handle this.

Sakura runs upstairs, heading straight to the bedroom. She slams the door open, scroll still in hand, and starts rummaging through her things in order to pack. After a few minutes of checking everything, she put all the necessary items in her mission bag. From medical supplies to energy pills to scrolls to clothes to a sleeping bag and lastly to the money she will need for the seduction necessities she has to buy. Finally finished, she sits down on the bed, crumpling the blue silky sheets in the process. Then, Sakura unrolls the scroll and reads.

Mission #B039 Type: B-rank Specialist: F (female)

Stage: Pre Place: Village hidden in the Waterfalls

Target: Misao Takashi

Gender: Male

Age: 25 years old

Characteristics: Red hair, blue eyes and relatively tall.

Efficiency: Messenger

Information: Misao Takashi is an important messenger between two feud lords that control and lead illegal product transportations. Your mission is to seduce said messenger that has in his possession a folder with contract papers which contain info for the next meet up and also a pair of keys. This is the part one of the main ANBU mission that will follow after you succeed. Mission includes back-up. Good luck.

The kunoichi falls back on the bed with a flop, thinking how she should approach the mission. She idly scratches her scalp and tosses her body around from side to side, her long pink locks sprawled across the bed sheets moving along with her. Sakura knows what the village hidden in the Waterfalls is known for. And if her guesses are right, a guy like him would go to a special kind of place. The men of Team 7 will also go there.

“This is just great!” Sakura shouts even though no one is in the room.

She stares up at ceiling, her mind thinking of all the possibilities and scenarios. The pink haired girl knows what to do to succeed in this mission, however hiding from Sasuke is the main problem.

With huff she stands up and starts pacing around the room while babbling nonsense and muttering profanities out loud, until the idea hits her.

“Of course,” Sakura jumps on the bed, “Tsunade-shishou is the solution!”

She lies down, calm once again, and grabs a nearby pillow, squeezing it close to her chest. The warmth it provides calms her for a second, but she resists the urge to snuggle it closer. The girl can already imagine the Uchiha’s frown when she will tell him that she will be staying at Tsunade’s for a few days in order to work on some papers that have to do with the hospital.

Sakura just hopes he will believe it for her sake and for the sake of this mission.

❤︎

“It’s dirty and disgusting in here,” Sasuke mutters angrily, sitting uncomfortably on the animal print armchair, “Why do we even have to do this?”

The hot pink, soft and furry material irritates him even more as his elbow barely glides on it, making it difficult for him to nurse his drink. It is too warm, too velvety.

The last Uchiha almost growls out of sheer annoyance. This mission is far too low for his standards. He cannot believe he allowed himself to be dragged in here. His pride is hurt goddammit. Yes, he may be a man, but he has never set foot in a pleasure house. Or as his best friend and ex-sensei like to call it: a strip club.

The atmosphere is suffocating him, the lights are too dim. All kinds of different and hypnotizing aromas assault his senses, making his clear mind drunk and hazy. He cannot tell if it is his alcoholic beverage that is making him feel this way or it is the misty cloud of seduction and pleasure filled nights that surround this place.

The men of Team 7 have been assigned on a mission just yesterday as a backup to an ANBU specialist. Sasuke was definitely not pleased with the news, but he could not go against the fifth Hokage’s orders as much he wanted to, so he mildly complained until he was shushed by Tsunade. So, here they are today, in the place that their target and the other shinobi are supposed to be. Sasuke Uchiha, Naruto Uzumaki and Kakashi Hatake, being expert ninjas, have already detected the target sitting in the middle of the area, near the front. And now they have to wait. If something goes wrong, only then they are allowed to interfere.

“Focus, Sasuke.” Kakashi says calmly, a white hospital mask covering his face instead of his usual ninja attire. “A mission is a mission.”

The grey haired shinobi is collected as always, and Sasuke cannot help but scowl.

As if the ridiculous place is not enough problems, they were also forced to wear formal clothes. Supposedly, they are ordinary men looking for some fun and not ninjas who are capable of killing anyone in the room within seconds. Thus, the men of Team 7 have to make it believable by dressing up fancily to blend in with crowd and to stay undistinguished.

“Well, it’s not that bad in here.” Naruto tells them with a foxy grin on his face, clearly excited to be in a place like this. A slight blush is covering his cheeks since he has been consuming a few portions of alcohol for an hour now. The blond is pleasantly tipsy and happier than usual.

“Shut up Naruto,” Sasuke turns to his left and addresses his best friend, “If Hinata found out you’re here, she would dump you.”

Sasuke is very irritated, and that results to more insults and jibs than normal. He crosses his legs, right ankle meeting left knee, just to move and do something out of spite.

“T-That’s not true!” The man immediately tries to explain, “I told her it was a mission and she was okay with it!”

Naruto’s face visibly falls, and he looks at Sasuke with his puppy dog eyes. However, before the blonde could set off, being an emotional drunk and all, Sasuke just looks at other side, ready to ignore the impending whining.

Is he even allowed to be drinking on such mission? Kakashi better do something, Sasuke thinks, complaining inside his head instead.

“Don’t fight.” Their teacher interrupts, knowing how those two are and how bad they can get when Sakura is not around to stop them.

He has even given them just enough freedom, permitting them to drink, because he knows they are the back-up of this mission and not the main person. Kakashi strongly believes that intervention will not be needed, considering this an efficient ANBU specialist sent by the Hokage herself.

So, Kakashi just sits relaxed, waits and enjoys the show.

The oldest member of Team 7 is wearing a dark grey button-up shirt, the collar slightly open and a pair of black trousers. Naruto has a similar style, except he sports a nice pair of jeans with a light blue button-up shirt that makes his gorgeous eyes stand out more. Sasuke opts for a more classic style though, completing his look with black trousers, a white button-up shirt (with the first button undone) and an onyx suit jacket to top it off.

It is an extraordinary night today since the place is filled to the brim with men of all ages and from different villages, plus, the interior design of the club is full of pretty decorations. As the shining neon letters say outside on the wooden board above the club’s name, Hustler’s Ho, it promises a night of busty tricks and naughty chicks, and of course a special guest. Sasuke didn’t pay attention to the name, it is useless information anyways.

The waitresses are all beautiful women holding silver trays with glitter and fruity scented oils applied on their bodies and every time they move under the low dimmed lights to serve the customers, their smooth skins sparkle teasingly. The atmosphere is thick with cigarette smoke, but despite that, the room somehow smells good because of the enticing scents that come off from all the perfume the females of the club have put on.

Red velvet curtains hang from the ceiling at the left side of the club and make up for entrances to the changing rooms, while the bar and the bathrooms are at the right side of it. In the center of the room is the stage where the lights shine the most since the ceiling has a lot of spotlights in all kinds of colors there. The rest of the huge area is only provided with low dimmed lights and that makes the dancers at the stage stand out more. The walls are painted a dark pink color and it gives the room a sense of obscurity and raw sexuality.

Great amount of money gets thrown at the stage as the ladies entertain the crowd with their dancing skills either on the poles or on the floor. Excited shouts of more can be heard even from where the members of Team 7 are seated at the back of the club. The dancers are barely dressed in Sasuke’s opinion; too much skin is bared for the eyes to feast. He averts his eyes, a light blush dusting his cheeks.

A dark blonde girl is currently dancing, her back turned to the pole, her hands up in the air touching the steel above her head. She is moving her lower half sexily in fluid left and right motions, her hips rolling expertly. The girl is wearing purple lingerie with her hair up in a high ponytail, and money is stuck in all kind of places from the men who put it there. She keeps it professional, but her face still expresses the hidden erotic feelings she wants to convey.

Then, all of a sudden, the music slowly quiets down and a deep male voice comes from the speakers. “Thank you dear, you were amazing as always! Please, grab your money and clear the stage.”

Sasuke silently scoffs and rolls his eyes at this. He should really stop drinking, the alcohol is making him show his irritation and that is not a good thing when on a mission. He has to keep his face impassive, bring forth a cold facade. Especially when in that said mission, Sakura is not there to calm him down and Naruto only breathes to make it worse for him with his antics. Of course, Kakashi is nonchalant as always.

The crowd gets almost completely silent, only a few murmurs can be heard now, and the unknown voice continues. “Only today, we have a special guest dancing…”

Without warning, a swift sound gains the attention of everyone inside the room. It is a whoosh of air fluttering against hard yet soft and velvet material that signals that the curtains have just been opened. The whispers get a tad bit louder at this, but get lost when the raspy voice resonates through the room once again. “Now, gentlemen, prepare to meet tonight’s special guest, a beauty and an exotic flower among the ladies…”

The sound came from the left side of the club, near the back. Heels clanking against the floor in a steady rhythm and elegant manner are the only thing that can be heard. The steps are light and slow paced. It has a nice ring to it, the continuous clicking is pleasant to the ears and everyone is holding their breath in anticipation. The males of Team 7 hear loud gasps, watching as men are getting blown away by the mere sight of this special guest. Heads are turned, all the attention clearly diverted behind. The pace has a unique air of confidence that no one can quite put their finger on. The woman has a stealthy and powerful walking. A soft tune starts playing as an intro while the woman comes closer and closer to the stage.

The dancer narrows the distance between her and the stage as she takes painfully slow steps towards it or so it seems to the eager men. The shadow that still hovers near the area where Team 7 is –thanks to the somber and tricky lighting– hides her, until finally, a curvy form starts to appear as she comes forth to where the light is. Her silver, almost dark gray, stilettos are the first things that show. A few agonizingly and torturous seconds later, long legs and fair smooth skin come into view.

Naruto reacts first, an exclamation leaving his lips. It is not a sharp inhalation of amazement, but it is a loud gasp of shock. His blue eyes widen and there are hazy no more. Cold sweat forms on his forehead, and he is feeling like someone threw cold water on him to wake him up and bring him back to the harsh reality. It is definitely not an easy feat to astound the ninja who is known as the best at surprising people.

The voice resonates through the room once again and the male starts praising the newcomer dancer, “An exotic babe, outstanding with high class skills.” The announcement is over, and the music gets steadily louder while the special guest is one step away from the stage.

She just stands still with her back on the cheering crowd for a few seconds as if to bewitch the already elated men with her beauty. The young woman is posing sensually and it compliments her already perfect body. She is captivating in every sense. Her legs are long and toned while her tights are voluptuous and her rear is curvy. Her waist is slight bent and it makes her behind stand out even more. Her back sparkles teasingly thanks to the glittery substance that has been applied on her skin everywhere on her body. She lifts her left hand up to course it through her silky long locks while her right one is resting on her inner tight in a provocative pose.

That unmistakable pink hair belongs only to one person.

Kakashi feels his mouth hanging open inside his mask. This event took a very fast turn for the worst and he does not like the ending result at all. She is the last person he could think of going up there if you had asked him about it. He closes his eyes and hums quietly awaiting for the impeding doom waiting to happen.

Sasuke reacts not a second too late and his breath hitches. A flash of light blinds him and he blinks his eyes twice in response. The lighting must be playing tricks on him, because there is no fucking way this is Sakura ready to go up there. He freezes and his face goes rigid. His calculating yet beautiful onyx eyes widen and his naturally pouty lips part slightly in shock. A wave of cool air passes by him –probably someone activated a fan to create more special effects for such a unique guest– and it makes his soft black hair flutter in the wind. An intoxicating scent fills his senses and clouds every ounce of rationality within him.

The special guest goes up the stage, turns around and Sasuke can breathe no more.

“Please welcome, Misty Jade!”

Sasuke Uchiha, for the first time in years, sees red.

#sasusaku #sakura haruno #sasuke uchiha #ssfanfiction #ssfanfic #ssfic #sasusaku fanfiction #depending on the response i am going to get i am going to post the next chapter #this is a tease fic yall #my baby strawberrycreampiefluff is the bessst #my first after yeaaaars boi #yes i am 4everxd #vasoula writes

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bestworstcase · 3 years

Text

farran rereads lost lagoon: chapter 13

- *sigh* dahlia.

- i’ve got to admit, at this point i really just... don’t care. about these characters. my vague memories of thinking this was an alright book but not really my cup of tea and with some very questionable moments wrt to the handling of the saporian issue have morphed pretty rapidly into. i flat out do not like it. there is no aspect of this story that i’m enjoying. the characterization is poor, the plot is falling down, there’s no tension, the prose is passable at best, and i’m getting very tired of reading conversations that feel like they were written by an AI. so i’m going to press pause here, because i don’t want this reread series to just turn into me bitching about the things i don’t like, and do a little autopsy.

let’s talk about varian and the seven kingdoms for a minute.

for the uninitiated, v7k was a varian-centric tts spinoff comic proposed by a couple of tts storyboarders, which disney chose not to pursue. it was developed as a fan project for a while, fell by the wayside for other projects. semi-recently the plot outline, some worldbuilding notes, and character concepts were all made public and the crew members involved gave the fandom carte blanche to do whatever with it.

now! the interesting thing about v7k, and the point of this little tangent, is that because much of the development process happened during s1, a lot of the worldbuilding is contradicted directly or indirectly by tts canon and some of the characterization choices feel... incongruous with the way tts s3 ended. i’m not going to get into that too much, but it seems to me that v7k and lost lagoon have a problem in common, and that problem is that they are stories that diverged from the main trunk of the story that inspired them but are still pretending to be canon compliant, to their own detriment.

some of you may remember og bitter snow, which began as a pre-s3 speculative fic about what cassandra might have encountered in the HOYT and spiraled into a kind of cass-centric s3 rewrite... which stalled out about a quarter of the way into the story i had planned because i ran into a similar problem: i was writing a s3 au that was ostensibly canon-compliant for all of s1 and most of s2, but the direction i wanted to take the story just didn’t fit naturally on top of canon s1 and s2... my options were to start retconning things from canon after ~20k words of implying canon compliance, or to force the story i wanted to tell to stay within the boundaries set up by s1 and s2, and i didn’t want to do either of those things, so i stopped and started over completely from scratch with benighted.

v7k began with the intention of being licensed fanfiction, and lost lagoon is licensed fanfiction, so they both needed the disney stamp of approval, and that meant they couldn’t take the revamp bitter snow approach of going ‘my city now’ and just changing whatever pieces of tts they needed to to make their own stories make sense. they had to fit their stories into the canon framework as best they could while ignoring or glossing over the inconsistencies and pretending it all fit together in a logical way.

and i think this is why lost lagoon is so very boring.

lost lagoon is marketed as a prequel to tts s1, but that’s not really what it is. only the first third of the novel actually takes place before tangled: before ever after. the rest of it is supposed to take place in the empty spaces between episodes of s1, and—because this is licensed fanfiction that needs to meet a certain threshold of being plausibly canon compliant—that means it can’t do anything that would meaningfully disrupt the story of s1. the events of lost lagoon cannot be big enough to influence any of the episodes of s1 that take place concurrently. the plot of this book must be absolutely self-contained, or else the thin illusion of canon compliance falls apart.

hence: rapunzel has no problem keeping the lagoon a secret from everyone, despite her refusal to keep the black rock excursion a secret mere pages later. hence, the ultimate reveal that the secret ‘power’ hidden in the lagoon is that it represents shampanier’s and der sonne’s love. it’s hard to have an interesting plot about intrigue and mysteries and such when you have to tip-toe through a series of light-hearted fluffy character establishing episodes instead of just writing your own story.

so i do have some sympathy for ms howland. i do. i think she probably did the best she could, story-wise, within the restraints that were imposed on her by the existence of tts itself. i would probably write a boring story given those same restraints to.

*deep breath*

- anyway, cass and rapunzel do market stuff, the dahlia jealousy subplot gets seeded, and then we head to xavier’s, where he shows them some daggers whose key features are being extremely light and able to “cut through armor as though it were paper.”

no 💜

- blah blah they ask xavier about the henge(?), it’s a saporian “ceremony circle,” blah blah. they show him the lost lagoon book and he waxes on about how rare and special it is and how “even those cartographers who made it their life’s mission to chart every inch of this kingdom” couldn’t find the cenote that cass found in a matter of hours because she is just! that! special! gag.

- xavier gives the date of the saporia-corona war as “more than two hundred years ago,” which i am taking to also mean “less than three hundred years ago.” i had actually forgotten that the gave a semi-hard date for all this nonsense so. ha. ha ha. ha. this is fine

- in this telling of the tale, shampanier steals der sonne’s journal with the intention of using the tunnel maps to invade the capital city, but she finds his confession of love at the end (“he was head over heels for this strong, intelligent woman” GAG). frankly this makes a teeny, tiny bit more sense than the story as told in under raps, where shampanier and der sonne duel for hours before she... randomly reads the journal? but then again—if shampanier herself infiltrated the coronan palace to steal herz der sonne’s personal journal, why did she not simply assassinate him in his sleep?

- xavier describes shampanier as “the ruler” of saporia, implying saporia was an autocratic stratocracy. remember this. it will be important later.

- der sonne and shampanier’s marriage heralded an “era of unity” during which they “joined the countries together to create corona as we know it” and there was an “explosion of romantic poetry” during this time, with the lost lagoon being “one that really captured the people’s imagination.”

- the only thing i’m going to say about the saporia stuff for the time being that is that if this doesn’t scream conquerer propaganda, i don’t know what does. but we’ll get there, don’t you worry.

- they are interrupted by the entrance of xavier’s assistant, marco, who is so transparently a bad guy that i really can’t do anything but laugh. xavier is like the ancient power is definitely one hundred percent not real and cass immediately bustles rapunzel out of there because she’s annoyed, which is fair, i’m also annoyed.

- there is a character named monsieur lafleur and i am choosing to believe that this man is tromus, because this book is sorely lacking in the demons department.

- queen arianna randomly walks in at the end of the chapter to make cassandra nervous and remind us all that cass is worried about her role in the black rock excursion getting out. i resent this scenelet because it reminds me that i could be watching tts instead. i miss tts cass. a lot. but anyway that’s the end of the chapter.

#lost lagoon reread

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maaji-maji-majima · 4 years

Note

some kissing hcs for Majima?(if u can make it nsfw)

So I'm in a weird place with this. I don't want to leave you unanswered but I know you won't like the answer that I give. It has been a long time since I was active on tumblr and I'm not sure when along the timeline headcanon became synonymous with fanfiction. I appreciate fanfiction authors for their creativity, but I am not one myself. I use headcanon in the older definition of "this isn't in the source material, but it is true in my brain". They are either random things my half asleep mind thought of while walking home from work or a character analysis. At the same token your ask had crawled into my brainmeats and won't leave. So again, I apologize that this most definitely is not what you're looking for, but I hope someone out there finds this to be an interesting read.

Without further introduction, here is a character analysis of our favorite pansexual, gender fluid, emotionally stunted goblin in regards to relationships and why the he desperately needs therapy as brought to you by a different pansexual, gender fluid, emotionally stunted goblin who got therapy but probably needs more.

Trigger warnings: Abuse, self harm, mental disorders, poor coping strategies, unhealthy relationships, random tense changes, not fanfiction

Spoilers for the whole franchise, but very specifically for 0, K1, and 5.

Abuse does weird things to people's brains. In Yakuza 0 Majima has barely been out of the hole for a year. He might no longer be suffering the actual physical torture he had been subjected to the year prior, but he is still directly in the hands of his abusers and being watched every moment. He is still in a cage even if it doesn't look like one. He is depressed and likely suicidal, but doesn't follow through with those thoughts because he is determined to make sure Saejima has a home to come back to. He is willing to endure just about anything to allow Saejima a chance to exact that final moment of retribution because Saejima is the one who deserves it and Majima doesn't feel that there is any possibility for forgiveness. In all likelihood he hasn't sought out anyone for a hookup or paid company for an evening due to a combination of not feeling like he deserves anything that feels good and the fact that he's constantly being watched. The year in hole means he no longer really has a concept of privacy, but he's worried that getting close to someone, even for a few moments, could put them in danger if Sagawa or Shimano feels like holding something else over his head. It isn't worth accidentally dragging someone into his own personal hell. He no longer lives for the present, he is only living for that far-off future that he hopes isn't just a pipe dream.

Enter Makoto. At first she is a stand-in for Saejima's sister Yasuko, but it morphs rapidly from there. She is the light and kindness and hope that he hasn't seen in years and she's being dragged into his bullshit. He knows in his heart of hearts that she doesn't deserve what she is being forced into, so his mind snaps into the immediate and does everything he possibly can to save her. This is is the hill he wants to die on. Maybe, just maybe, he can end his miserable existence with a final act of good and he feels that Saejima might just be able to understand. But because he no longer has any relationships in his life that are not strictly professional or the abusers he cannot escape, he has little recollection of what a nuanced relationship or even friendship is any longer. Due to circumstance she is also the only person that he cannot keep at arm's length, no matter how desperately he tries. So he falls for her and falls hard. But in the end, after everything they go through he does the impossible. He lets her go. She has a life and a future, whereas he has neither of those. What would she do? Become his ane-san? Have some temporary happiness before she realizes she has a target on her back for the rest of her life? No. Majima believes she deserves so much more than that even though it hurts him deeply. What is one more hurt on top of everything else? He's gotten extremely good at burying his pain.

Getting to Tokyo flips a switch in Majima's brain. Like many people with mental trauma who don't have access to therapy he falls into excess as a way of self medicating. He fits virtually everything on the hedonism checklist. Drinking? Yeah. Violence? Hell yeah! Promiscuity? Yeah, but I ain't judging. Drugs? Probably, even though it isn't explicitly stated in game. Everything from his shift in personality to his wardrobe has become, intentionally or not, a defense mechanism. He has escaped from all of his abusers except for Shimano and he refuses to allow anyone to gain that kind of power over him again.

It is a double edged sword, however. His depression and PTSD are running unchecked. In all likelihood he hasn't fallen hard on vices as a way to reclaim ownership off his own body. Instead it seems more probable that he is dissociating. After everything he has been through he doesn't care what happens to his body in the long run because it isn't actually his anymore. Risky behavior, which is practically Majima's middle name, is also frequently used as a passive form of self harm because the end result is either temporarily feeling better thanks to endorphins and adrenaline or permanently feeling better after embracing death. He could achieve a similar feeling by taking up jogging and chasing a runners high, but that takes more time and energy than chugging a handle of whiskey or goading some chump into throwing hands. Sadly even now admitting to mental problems by seeking help is fairly stigmatized in Japan and it was only worse in the early 90s. Can't have a problem if no one tells you it's there, right?

Then he meets Mirei. She's intense but not wild like Majima. At that moment in time she is everything he needs. Head strong, domineering, and very, very determined. She knows exactly what buttons to press to wrap him right around her finger. And he lets her take the reigns, lets her run his life because he realizes he was doing a terrible job on his own. Better her than Shimano, right? Doing something wrong results in the cold shoulder instead of a vicious beating, and doing something right leads to more than simply the relief of avoiding a beating. He decides that making her happy is enough to make him happy. Until suddenly it isn't. He never wanted to be a father, but even the idea that he could have been was enough to cause a fundamental shift in his entire outlook on life. He could have had someone to live for, instead of just survive for. But he had no say in the matter and didn't know until the decision had been made for him. When Mirei told him she had an abortion he snapped. He hit her. The one and only time he raised his hands against her. Disgusted with himself, and wounded by her decision, he left. If he was capable of that, he knew couldn't be the person she had been trying to mold him into. He realized he was nothing but a weight around her neck dragging her down. And so that day signals the end of their short marriage. He spends the next several decades drowning in guilt for his actions while still resenting her for her choice.

That leaves us with Kiryu. Poor, oblivious Kiryu. Majima's fixation is multifaceted but in no small part due to the fact that Kiryu is one of the few people strong enough to hurt him, but is the only one that doesn't want to. And Majima just doesn't understand. After everything, he only deserves to hurt, right? Saejima, Yasuko, Makoto, Mirei. Everyone who gets too close to him ends up worse for it, so why won't Kiryu and his sense of honor seek justice on their behalf? So he does everything he possibly can to wind up Kiryu enough to Pay Attention Damnit, Fight Me. But Kiryu's response is always just flustered awkwardness because he doesn't want like fighting, it's just a part of his job, like wearing a suit or answering a phone. To Kiryu fighting isn't a thing done because it's enjoyable, it's done because it has to be. But he's still the only one who doesn't flinch when Majima brandishes a knife inches from his face.

And then Kiryu is arrested and in jail for ten years. And ten years is a long time to build someone up onto a pedestal. Like only wanting to talk about the best of a person after they've died. The same thing happened with Saejima. Build them in his mind to what he wants or needs them to be since they are not there to actively correct it. The decade is pretty miserable, going through the motions and trying to not make waves with the bigwigs while terrifying the minions into obedience. When he hears Kiryu is being released it is like waking up again. He all but waits at the taxi stand at the entrance of Kamurocho on the day of Kiryu's release, all but vibrating with excitement. It's a fight he has been waiting on for a decade, too bad it was little more than a disappointment.

So Majima decides to bring him back up to spec in that very Majima flavored way. Small fights, big fights, surprise fights. Kiryu is still reluctant because he doesn't have a reason beyond Majima's dreamed up training program he doesn't actually want to be a part of. Of course this only leads Majima to do everything possible to get under Kiryu's skin, including sharing his personal vulnerabilities while disguising them as jokes just to cause fights, but Kiryu just kind of rolls with it which leads to confusion and frustration on both sides. After a while Majima starts to get into Kiryu's hobbies, like pocket circuit, ostensibly as another form of picking a fight. And he discovers he actually enjoys a lot of it. And they are both too dense and emotionally stunted to realize they're basically dating at this point. At multiple points Majima takes potentially lethal blows meant for Kiryu and the excuse that he is the only one allowed to kill Kiryu is very, very thin. He just can't quite admit out loud that he doesn't want to see Kiryu truly hurt because that's weakness and he is Not Weak (tm).

Shimano's death and Kiryu's departure from the clan come as a whirlwind that destroys him all over again. He's left directionless. So he leaves the Tojo in an attempt to find his own way in the world, for the first time in over twenty years.

I think I need to call it here for now. I know I've left out Saejima and Daigo, among others, but I've been working on this for days and my progress has been eaten twice and I just don't have the energy to keep going right at this time. Maybe some day in the future I'll find the time and energy to write out the rest for all the other games.

tl;dr What Majima wants and what he needs are two different things. He wants to fightfuck, but he needs to be bear hugged into submission so that he can have that mental breakdown he's been carefully bottling up for over thirty years. He needs a good, ugly cry. And therapy. Lots and lots of therapy.

#ask #character analysis #not fanfiction #yakuza games #yakuza headcanons #majima character analysis #rgg #rgg games #majima #majima goro #broken people doing broken things

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