#time to do...something else. idk what
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Girl help my brain won't brain AGAIN
#i'm trying to figure out some publishing related stuff#but i'm worried that i don't understand it and am not getting it right#and i just. can't think right now#and i know this is weird but i SWEAR it's partially because of the news about maggie smith passing away#obviously i never met her or anything but i still feel weirdly intensely sad about it#i don't know. i just kinda feel like crying kinda wanna hide under a blanket all day#kinda wish i had the capacity to be a functional adult#that sort of thing#probably going on a little walk or something will fix me#but also i just don't want to do anything and at the same time i NEED to do something#because also anxiety my old friend and sitting still does not really help with that#okay venting done#time to do...something else. idk what
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dearest her excellency
#baldur's gate 3#bg3#minthara#i know i post minthy a lot. but not enough#once again in the saga of: just had this lying around#also what is it that every time i say i'm gonna post more.. soon i post less 😂😭 this month has just been altering my brain chemistry idk#i feel like taking everything more slowly (except comms obv which i'm doing my best with!! PROMMY)#but with everything else i'm like. stop the grind actually#i'll draw when i draw i'll finish something if i'll finish something
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The animatic is done!! 💕
#look outside#look outside game#look outside spoilers#art#digital art#fanart#animation#animatic#IM SO HAPPY WITH THIS#especially the ending bits... I drew some of them up to 3 times just to make SURE I got them right#Which my lazy ass almost never bothers with#THE BITS WITH SAM UNSPOOLING ARE MY PRIDE AND JOY#I wanted to make the part where they talk to the Visitor a bit worse actually#Their body being barely held together by this creature who only vaguely understands what a human being is even supposed to look like....#and if they move to fast their body literally lags and uncoils..#I wanted to have them sharply move their head and have them look distressed when their eyes lagged a behind#but oughgh I couldnt get it to look right and I was already dying from how long I spent on it so just pretend that happened and imagine it#Other notes ermmmm. I think I got the order that the astronomers joined a little mixed up. Sorry Beryl and Aurelius.#Also while drawing the DnD scene I imagined Lyle and Masked Thing holding hands now I feel like theres something there but idk what it is#Anyway do with that what you will#Also I remembered that half the reason I gave Sam a cleft pallet was cause I wanted them to keep a recognizable feature when they mutated#so on the last frame one of the breathing holes has a notch in it bcs thats the breathing hole that used to be Sams mouth :3#Idk if thats like. wholesome to anyone else but I like it. Its some remnant left of their humanity that they'll always have#Youtube#eyestrain
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The way some of yall mischaracterize Ratio as being stoic in chill when in reality he is 24/7 resisting the urge to rip everyone around him a new one is crazy to me like. He cares so much, so much. It’s unhealthy, he loses the idgaf war every time because Ratio is the least nonchalant person ever like



He was this close to breaking character and throttling Sunday like you cannot tell me he wasn’t planning a murder in this scene. Ratio straight up calls Sunday a crazy bitch but everyone brushed it aside 😭
Honestly his entire conversation with Screwllum is just him tweaking, watch it on YouTube the VAs performance is amazing, you can here just how much He Cares

Genuinely, Aventurine is way better at concealing his true feelings that Ratio. Ratio may be acting for the sake of the plan but the way he truly feels about anything he’s doing always seeps through, it’s why he apologizes to Aventurine in 2.0 in their staged argument scene. It’s why he is as mean to Sunday as he can be. It’s why him pretending that he “hates” Aventurine makes him act so silly. Ratio can’t fully commit to the bit, he can’t force himself to not care or to be someone he isn’t, because fundamentally Ratio CARES and that is something he is incapable of hiding, alabaster bust or not.
The problem is that him expressing his care is often done in a rude and/or blunt manner which people tend to interpret as stoicism or apathy when it’s anything but. Ratio’s vial that he gives to Aventurine is short, sweet and gets straight to the point, because that’s the easiest way for Ratio to express his emotions, even if it’s often detrimental for him and anyone else around him. However Aventurine understands him quite well, and knows that although brief, Ratio telling him to “stay alive, survive this and keep on living” is how he truly feels towards Aventurine, and that’s enough to keep him going.
Underneath Ratios carefully crafted marble facade is a man who cares so much and is so bad at expressing it and I wish the community in general, especially Aventio shippers would acknowledge that more. Ratios true moments of sincerity are brief, but they are anything but stoic. Let the man be soft, it’s in character.
#This turned into a mini essay whoops#I hold Ratios party voiceline for Aven so close to my heart#Not the EN one idk what the translators were on but CN is UGHH it’s so good#Someone else can point out the potentially ableist undertones to how people view Ratio#I’m not gonna do that again because the last time was a disaster#“He’s selfish and cruel and narcissistic” *concerned glance*#Like I know some of it is just hoyo players having the media literacy of rocks#But like theres something wrong there just is it sits so wrong with me#Begging yall to write him correctly in fan content PLEASSEEE#dr ratio#aventurine#aventio#Not necessarily a ship post though
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bedtime story with my love !!
#mine#cats#oooooooooogh im so cold....bath time bath time :3 !#i hope everyone is hvaing a good week i am now DONE with work !!!!! hehe !!!!!!!!!!#i might not do any drawing for a little while . maybe just felt tips#also. cannnot for the life of me decide what 2 read...am like 30% way thro assassins fate but Um its . a little intense so im taking a brea#idk what im in the mood for....something....fun... but isnt bad#i feel like all 'light' books r bad. maybe i will just reread the goblin emperor. as i always do when all else fails#also. am going ice skating tomorrow i am SO excited . i hvent been in so so long its so exciting !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#mwah. hve good evening :3
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thinking about not only the specific people lucanis pulls in to represent the 'locks' in his psyche, but the storytelling that happens in the structure/order of them. the underlying ideas are presented something like:
the lucanis who went into the ossuary never came back out again; he died down there (the boy caterina raised is gone forever) -> you're putting yourself in danger doing this (by being close to me), you should leave because I can't bear it if you get hurt because of me -> it doesn't matter even if we do try this, it won't work anyway (again because of me) ('you know what he's like, you can open the door but he won't walk through it' :'( oofie doofie) -> what if the real secret is that there was never anything but the monster in here from the beginning. you should leave, there was never anything here worth saving in the first place. (implicitly: what if I deserved what happened, all along.)
it runs pretty cleanly from outward-oriented attachment anxiety ('caterina won't even want me back like this, she won't recognize me (the same way I no longer recognize myself)) and gradually deeper inwards until we reach self-image and self worth. or you know, the harrowing basic lack of it lol.
"careful -- they'll know we're not right," spite says in one of their first scenes... but clearly, some very deep part of lucanis has feared or suspected for much longer than that that there's something inherently not right at the core of him, way before any demon entered the picture. and the voice he gives those lines to is the person who should know him better than anyone in the world, who he has loved more than anyone in the world -- and who deliberately chose to hurt him so horrifically anyway. 'It's better if I'm just a monster and deserved what happened than it is to allow for the idea that the brother I love doesn't really exist and maybe never did'. it's better if he's fundamentally flawed in some way that needed fixing to help him survive, and that's why caterina chose to hurt him again and again -- out of love. (this one I think he might have a very sad wakeup call on one day if he ever ends up with the responsibility and care of a child of his own in some way and realizes just how alien the idea of ever intentionally hurting them for any reason is to him. oh buddy. also interesting that he keeps caterina as the outermost lock -- there IS a distance he keeps there that he hasn't with illario. he doesn't resent her 'anymore' he says, but he also keeps her carefully further away from his deepest self.)
as far as I could tell the only note in the mind prison that's fully hidden and needs to be uncovered is the sad painful helpless stupid little truth that even after all this, even knowing what happened... he still loves his brother. is there anything illario could ever do that would make lucanis completely stop loving him, do you think? sometimes the trouble with unconditional love is that it is, well. unconditional, even when some terms and conditions probably would have been in order haha.
that's the pattern you see there again and again; he would rather destroy and abandon and imprison himself at every turn than let go of love, even when it's just scraps, even when there's only ever enough of it to hurt him. it's only when rook shows up and as it were takes his hand and walks along with him that he can entertain the idea of changing the story of what walking out the door might mean in the end.
#tl;dr the demon is a metaphor about dissociation and trauma and it's doing its job thematically fucking pitch perfectly that way the end#dragon age#dragon age: the veilguard#dragon age: the veilguard spoilers#dragon age spoilers#lucanis dellamorte#dragon age meta#this mission is like ds9 the wire in terms of episodes you really can examine from a thousand different angles#and find something new and soulcrushingly sad every time. exactly my kind of episode in other words#whenever people say there's nothing to him but coffee and spite jokes some small part of me goes 'oh I'm so incredibly sorry!#it must be really hard and so impractical to go through life without being able to read :'( get better soon'#is that very nice of me. perhaps not. is the writing here *perfect*? of course not. but some people are also dedicated to being#wilfully blind (presumably b/c they would have preferred to see something else?? idk man)#lucanis' reaction to taash going 'I'm sorry I'm such a bad crow :'('... he could NEVER do what caterina did with him no matter what#you just can't use him like that. he needs the clean family/enemy/contract distinction or you just break him!!!#caterina literally what are you thinking. every day I ask myself this. (probably 'the only other option that keeps the seat in the family#is illario. so that's right out of course' lmao)#god forbid it happen anytime soon if it should happen b/c there's Stuff that needs working through first lol but he'd be such a soft dad
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🟣🚀 SPACE KIDS on comets, born to ride show me where LEGENDS go to DIE 💀🟢
i spend a lot of time thinking about how often this kid hangs out at his grave. was going to make just a lil gif but the power of mega mango songs possessed me 👻
#danny phantom#danny fenton#art#mine#uhhhhh idk what else to tag so ill ramble#this was some of the most fun ive had with art in a while#im mostly a beginner with animation so this was a challenge and i feel like i learnt a lot#im really proud of this and im really happy i was able to do something like this for one of my all time favorite medias from chilhood#hoorahhh#animation#mega mango
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Okay. hear me out. Creaking Helsknight
#atlas.art#artists on tumblr#mcyt#hermitcraft#helsknight#welsknight#the creaking#do you see my vision#his heart gets left back in hels when he comes to hc through the cloning machine#something something you are a creature not entirely your own devoted to one purpose belonging to one place#and then suddenly you are somewhere else and you are alone and without purpose and you are your own being for the first time in your life#and it feels like there is a hole in you somewhere. like you have lost something vital. you want to find it again. go home. feel whole.#but at the same time in it's absence you have become something else entirely#and you're not sure if you can ever go back to belonging to a separate whole again#not to. uh. get existential with it or anything.#thought about this too long today mayhaps. whoopsie.#anyways his name being hels like the place because he is entirely a part of it as an extension of the creaking heart... .. . .#literally the knight of hels as in created from it and not seperate from the land itself#idk what all of this would imply about wels lol#someone else can figure that out
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Random thought/question: what would your Tavs/Durge and their significant others like... legit fight about? Not bicker, not argue, but actually get mad and say things they don't mean and have to cool off and talk about it later when calmer heads prevail and they're able to apologize without it sounding forced?
this is such a great question that i needed a whole 24 hours to think about it akdhdjhd
i think gale and cyra probably have small things blow out of proportion (because honestly. kids and work and Tired) and then a Lot of stuff they haven't talked about comes up and it ends with 'how the fuck did forgetting to change the bedsheets turn into This'
i actually feel like dorian and astarion are pretty good 90% of the time but sometimes one of them is in a bad place and is like 'i actually really need to be left alone with this thing right now and i don't want to talk about it' and maybe they're not always great at taking the hint
ashe and halsin have never had a fight ever
#ramble#bg3#i feel like when you smoke a lot of weed and have a lot of polyamorous sex you're mostly chill#for legal reasons that's a joke#i really wanted to say 'none of them ever fight they're great at communicating' but that's just not how people are skfdjdfj#i need to write some delicious angst now whoops#idk what it is but having a horrible argument with someone you really really love is the most heartbreaking thing ever#the gale and cyra one is a self callout bc i'm known to hyperfocus and get stressed/hangry/etc and say/think things i don't mean#bc all the negatives are amplified#eg. i had such a bad commute recently that i would've 100% told a stranger to fuck off and die if anything else went wrong#which is not something i would EVER do unless a lot of things piled up#i do have one (1) thing written for the worst one of these fights gale/cyra ever had but that's for another time
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Orange Soda
#bungou stray dogs#bungo stray dogs#bsd Chuuya#Bungo stray dogs chuuya#bsd art#bsd fanart#I hope this doesnt look to bright??? I am not near my computer to check ahhh#I should’ve just waited to post this on his bday or something idk if I will have time to draw something else in time I will try not sure#bg is crazy I don’t know what’s going on in the picture I really do not#first dazai with apples now chuuya with an orange soda#anyways I am tired#my art
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do you think it's weird or unfounded to not want to use chat gpt due to the environmental cost? i feel really strongly that i want to completely avoid it (and, like, recreational/work related ai in general) for that reason, but people seem to think this is really weird when i express that as a reason. but i feel like i should be able to make this call if i want to and that's a good reason to not use it. i don't know?!?!?! i don't get anything anymore?!?!?!
#my workplace is really leaning heavily ai#and people keep seeming to think that i too will use it#and i'm always just like 'NO!!!!!!!'#so far no one has pushed me on it and it's not required at all#but idk. is it going to stop being our call & become mandatory one day? D:#because (and i know this sounds so weird) morally i don't want to touch it!#this reminds me of one time when i was in acting class in college#and the prof was out so a TA was teaching#and we were playing a game where everyone had to repeat what everyone else had said and then add something on#and when it got to me i refused to do it because there were a bunch of swear words and i don't -- alas -- cannot -- swear#and i got in trouble with the TA and almost got kicked out of class lol#(but the other students stood up for me so i didn't!)#i get very rigid about things and i'm like 'sorry can't EVER do it!'#the swearing may be. ya know. completely morally neutral.#(though i still don't swear anything that can't be said on old timey network tv! because i'm weird!)#but i feel like i have way more of a case with this chat gpt stance#dollsome's deep thoughts#p.s. does this way of my brain operating suggest some profound neurodivergence?#i often wonder.#society told me swearing was bad when i was a kid and i've internalized it FOREVER.#i said 'shit' once when i was like 10 (in homage to a line delivery from mrs doubtfire!)#and then i cried inconsolably for like two hours and never swore again#(this was totally internally enforced btw. i don't have any memory of any adults ever caring whatsoever.)#even to this very day i wouldn't even swear alone.#does my brain work like that of merricat from we have always lived in the castle? maybe a little.#these tags have gone a lot of places#the point is. i think it's okay to be anti-chat gpt for moral reasons. and also coolness reasons.#and swearing = fine obviously. but not my style.#unless i'm writing and then there's no rules obvi
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Does anyone else hc that Nightmare can like, absorb his tentacles back into his body sometimes? Like the way Stitch does with his extra arms?
#UTDR#UTMV#Nightmare Sans#I just realised earlier I've been just kinda assuming this as fact and I don't know where it came from#cause I don't think it's canon and I can't think of seeing it anywhere else#So maybe it's just me idk#Anyway it's something I wanted to be more prevalent when I was doing the truce au comic (which if I ever work on again I'll probably restar#cause I didn't really know what I was doing and there's stuff I wanna amend)#But the idea was that at the start of their attempted truce the tentacles made Dream uncomfortable#(Not only because Nightmare often used them against him in battle but also it's something different about his brother from his#childhood memories and it was jarring to see his one constant be changed)#He didn't say anything about it but obviously Nightmare could feel it#So whenever Dream was around I would make a point of drawing him with the tentacles sucked in#It was his little unspoken effort to make the truce work. because he wanted it very badly but would rather die than admit it#(or try to figure out why)#But over the course of the truce Dream would notice and start encouraging him to have them out and be himself#Showing Nightmare a little acceptence because despite the differences that's still his brother#You ever write six times more in the tags than the actual post lol#These are the DVD extras of the post you have to go looking for these#Director's commentary of my silly little thoughts :3#Anyway thoughts?
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sorry thinking about this because of a reddit post (never a good sign lol) but the fact that da2 and dav actually have really similar approaches to romance but one works well and the other falls completely flat needs to be studied. i think the issue is that even though you could argue they have similar levels of content (no repeatable kisses, only a handful of cutscenes), da2 hides bits and pieces of extra development in its quests that make the chosen romance feel like it has a presence in hawke's life, while dav romances feel almost like they disappear whenever a scene isn't specifically about the companion / romance. tiny moments like aveline judging hawke on their choice of partner or the romanced companion comforting hawke after leandra's death all add up to make it feel more significant and constant throughout the game. if you're lucky with dav's romances you'll get a banter and an extra cutscene but the time between locking in and the cutscenes in act three gets EXTREMELY dry.
#my timeline was like kiss davrin + lock into romance (1-2 hours of gameolay) trigger tea scene (20+ hours of gameplay) davrin tells rook#hes afraid of losing him / dying and leaving him behind (2 hours of gameplay) sex scene#like. WHAT ARE WE.#at least in da2 they do a what are we situation on purpose for fenris/isabela. and it's fun#and i know some romances get like. romanced lines in combat. which may make it feel better#idk why they didn't do that for everyone but whatever!#also slightly related but one thing that was missing in dav was the ability to let your companion speak for you#i love letting someone else handle something. especially when i know theyre going to do a bad job#i also love those moments in da2 where hawke asks for opinions and it just goes around the party while they#say their little lines. EXTRA funny in the last straw when hawke is deciding whether anders should live or die and we go#to the worst jury in the world#anyway what was i talking about. oh yeah. companions in dav seem to talk more than in any other game but they somehow just#dont feel grounded or present half the time
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i am almost thirty years old. why must i still be plagued by the perpetual and unshakeable belief that everyone secretly dislikes me
#what’s weird about it is that by this stage in my life i know perfectly well it doesn’t MATTER if everyone likes me#it’s impossible for anyone to be liked by everyone and i don’t even want that??#like i'd far rather be myself and have the people who are right for me like me for who i am#but the recovering people pleaser in me (and let's be real. the cptsd) finds this hard to accept#like whenever someone seems interested in what i have to say or says something nice to me#there’s this little voice in my brain that whispers ‘they're lying and they hate you'#ughhhh#sorry for context: i met a lovely new friend today#and despite the fact we had the nicest time#now that i'm home my brain is trying to convince me i'm inherently unlikeable and they were just being kind to me#i mean that's the context specifically right now but this is also a wide reaching issue that's very present in my life in lots of ways lol#and the more i actually put myself out there in the world as *me* (something i finally feel like i'm actually managing to do)#the harder it gets#i know healing isn't meant to be easy#but fuck. i really wish it was sometimes#i wish this stuff didn't affect so many different aspects of my life#christ sorry this ended up being incredibly long and self-indulgent 😭#sometimes it just helps to vent everything out into the tumblr tags#idk if anyone else relates but if you do i'm sending you a hug 🫶#(also just realising my period is due which may be a factor in why this has got to me so much today lol)#personal#living with cptsd#lulu posts
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you know, i can handle a little bit of fun "Nandor is dumb" talk, but i have a net-zero tolerance for any implication that Nandor is not educated.
Nandor would have been incredibly educated in his lifetime.
even (or especially) as a soldier in the Islamic World. being a soldier was more like getting sent to boarding school that's also a military camp. they weren't just concerned with creating loyal fodder for war. they were building the next government officials, generals, accountants, advisors, etc. it was important that young men knew how to read, write, speak multiple languages, learn philosophy...sometimes even studying art and music was mandatory.
if he was nobility (and its most likely he was), take all that shit and multiply it exponentially. Nandor would have been reading Plato at the same age most people are still potty training. he would have been specifically groomed in such a way to not be just a brilliant strategist and warrior, but also diplomate and ambassador of literally the center of scientific and cultural excellence of the age.
so like yeah, he can be a big dummy sometimes, sure. but that bitch is probably more educated than any of us will ever be.
#wwdits#nandor the relentless#Nandor#what we do in the shadows#i think its obvious by how much Nandor loves to read that he grew up educated#it's one of my favorite character traits of his#anyways#this was just your local psa abt the depth of Nandor's character and intelligence#and how the medieval islamic world was like - so much more advanced than it's western counterpart it's hilarious how ppl mischaracterize it#(by hilarious i mean it makes me want to break something)#this was in my drafts lolol what did i read that made me vent this? idk#also 'islamic world' is just a term some historians use to describe a specific geographical location and historical age#kind of how 'western world' is used today#it doesn't mean it's specific to one religion or nation but the broader time and location#meaning that Al Qolindar or Persia or Ilkhanate or w/e you want to call where Nandor came from#the same expectations of education and it's vibrant social/cultural world remain an accurate image of the middle east in the medieval age#if you come from the west like me#think The Forum + The Library of Alexandria + Paris/Florence + and idk anything else u think of when u think of 'Western Excellence'#and then imagine of all of that in one place at one time and then u might get close to what the world Nandor was living in as a human
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things which, while not universally hated, are often treated with disdain by some ttrpg players:
pvp
dungeon crawls
resource tracking
unwinnable fights/situations
metagaming
gm not preparing the adventure details beforehand
things am trying to put in my games
pvp
dungeon crawls
resource tracking
unwinnable fights/situations
metagaming
gm not preparing the adventure details beforehand
#algie might make ttrpgs#bcos i LIKE these when used well#admittedly the resource tracking in my current in progress game is not super crunchy#u have a number. u can use em for advantage on rolls or lose em when things break bad.#but also that's partly bcos time is weird in this setting soooooo#(also it is bcos i. have brain bad. and math is hard.)#im trying to make a dungeon crawl game but the mechanics are sorta simplified#idk how much can be left up to gm's discretion tho we'll see how it playtests#i WANT to believe that 'give a greater effect for actions that do something Clever#like targeting a revealed weakness or building on what someone else did'#would be. clear info for the gm. and easy to implement.#buuuuut we'll. see
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