#to be fair i got hit with inspiration and i probably would have lost it if i tried again in the morning

[theoryfan205]

"you killed them, Malroth! YOU! Nothing whets the appetite more than a few freshly sacrificed souls, would you not agree?"

He couldn't believe the sight in front of him, All his friends- lulu, anessa, Rosie!- everyone was dead on the floor..

"I killed them? No... You liar! I would never... Never..."

They were- are his friends! He wouldn't do this! Right?

"Oh, but you did. Pity them not--the fools are more useful in death than they ever were in life. They died so that you may be reborn. It is an honour barely comprehensible to such base creatures as they."

This wasn't his fault! He wouldn't have done this to them, he can't have! It.. it's not his fault..

"You... You tricked me!"

It was hargon's fault, he did this!

"I'll make you pay for this... With your life!"

The coward responsible for this finally showed his face, smiling as he mockingly opened his arms, daring Malroth to strike, and strike he would. With the full force of his rage he charged and bashed his club straight through the monster!- only for the illusion to fade..

"Acorn!? How did you...!?"

Before him instead was his builder-his best friend-acorn, her arms were extended similar to how hargon was taunting him, but he could see what she was trying was anything but, a hopeful look was on her face, a small smile so different from her usual big dopey one. It didn't stay for long as pain forced it's way onto her face, getting rid of any smile as she fell to the ground, her body succumbing to his attack.

"No! I never meant to..."

He dropped his club-the one she made for him-and quickly tried to fix his mistake, arms stretched downward to her corpse- no! No she wasn't dead, she had to be okay, he shook her limp body, tears spilling out of his eyes

"Acorn! Get up! It's not funny! I can't... I didn't do this, please. I can't have done this again..."

It was his fault. He couldn't control himself, he should have remembered, he should have done anything else! He did this to her, the master of destruction did this!-

"Malroth... Why are you crying?"

He almost stopped breathing, opening his eyes he saw her, she was looking up at him, she was alive! Her arm reached up and he quickly and eagerly grabbed it, reassuringly rubbing the back of it with his thumb

"Acorn! You're gonna be okay, I'm here. I'm gonna fix this, I swear-"

Her hand suddenly gripped his tightly, painfully holding on with a death grip, as he looked down at her again he saw that this time her eyes were bleeding, she looked battered and beat as she started laughing

"Why are you sad? You did this, Malroth. You wanted this, did you not? You should be happy"

This wasn't right... That isn't acorn, she was smiling but it wasn't her dopey smile, it was twisted and morphed into something else

"Acorn? What's... This isn't funny! I didn't... I..."

She was standing now, he could fully see what his wrath had done to her, he didn't dare look at his handiwork across her body any longer, he tried to look away but his builder-no, this fake pulled his face to look at her

"Come now, master of destruction, look me in the eyes before you sacrifice me. You did it moments before, you can do it again! I believe in you, Malroth. Kill me. Become what you're destined to be"

Tears spilled out of his eyes as whatever this was spoke just like she did, using her dopey smile to encourage her own end, this wasn't right... This was... A nightmare.

And just like that, he was jolted up, his bed cold and wet from his sweat, no longer in the blood soaked void but now in his room, his shared room with- immediately he's out of bed, rushing to the other side of the room to see... Acorn, sleeping peacefully on her side of the room, panic filled him however as she layed still, the blanket covering where the wounds he made would be.

Without a moments hesitation he pulled the blanket off. she shuddered slightly at the cold air as he did so, he sighed in relief as he saw her uninjured and fine. He was shaking, he did it again... He hurt his builder again, that Could have been her this time, hargon might have done that for real this time, he couldn't let this happen again.

After a few seconds of terrifying silence he slowly got into bed next to acorn, holding her close, feeling her breathing and her warmth. She was alive, he hadn't killed her, he had to make sure that that would never happen to her, he had to protect her. He had to protect her from himself, he held her close as he finally drifted to sleep again, unaware of the small builder pulling him closer and hugging him back

"Oh Malroth.. it's okay. I'm here.."

-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

Behold! I couldn't draw the thing in mind so I wrote it because I'm also a writer! For this week's dqb2ber theme is illusions/nightmare, and for My one I've done both! Slightly inspired by a thought I've had about Malroth, in my game as acorn I made them a shared room, yet everytime I sleep in it guess who wakes up next to me? Malroth, I will go sleep after him and he'll still wake up next to me, so my thought why was that he had a nightmare and slept with her those nights as comfort. They're best friends after all! Hope you enjoyed the read

[mayakern]

hiiii it's me! devin! ur favorite!

maya is still banned from doing big business things on social media while she takes time to rest and detoxify from the poison that is running social media full time for ten years. everybody clap! yay!

i'm here to share some info on our button-up shirt and dress preorders!

as many of you already know, i lost my anti-preorder campaign due to the high minimum per design. there's been some confusion and uncertainty. carsyn's doing her best but preorders are overwhelming and i have some time today

SO TO ANSWER YOUR QUESTIONS:

how close are you to hitting the minimum goal for the button-up shirts and dresses?

not close lol. as of 4/26 we're at about 8% funded. i refuse to panic until after may 3rd

why the funeral design?

the funeral design won our design poll

initially we were going to run preorders for two designs: funeral as well as astronauts. when we got news that the minimum would be 400 garments per design (we're able to spread that across the button-up shirts and dresses) we decided to cut back to one design. we're really not big enough to expect 800 orders on an $80-90 item

why not another design?

another design did not win the design poll

what would have been chosen other than funeral or astronaut?

deadly florals, hiss from a rose, microorganisms, and hands were all the top placers in the design poll after funeral

can you do solid color?

yes

why didn't you do solid color?

you can buy a solid color button-up shirt or dress from anywhere. the plan has always been to introduce these garments in solid color after their initial introduction

...so can you do solid color?

we will consider doing solid color preorders if these preorders bomb

how much would solid color cost?

probably the same. it's not much cheaper. it's faster to make tho

how much would the ecovero viscose cost instead of cotton?

maybe like $10 cheaper

it's really soft tbh but it's a different weave from the viscose for the skirts. it's my number one fabric for the button-ups but alas the cotton fandom won for now

what happens if preorders bomb?

we cancel and refund all preorders.

maybe we'll try again with a different design or with fewer features after we have some time to decompress from the nightmare that is running preorders (can you tell i hate preorders). if they bomb bad enough we may completely nix patterned button-up shirts and dresses. we don't know yet!

does that affect the picnic top?

the picnic top is completely separate. since it's made out of a different fabric it has its own minimum, so it will not be affected by button-up shirt and dress preorders

and like, to be totally honest, it's way cheaper to produce. we can eat some of the cost and just make them. they're small enough to store easily and they're at a lower price point so we can expect to sell them after we receive them, like the wrap tops

btw, we have other ready-to-ship things already in production. we've been working on a whole secret project. surprise!

why did you launch preorders for the button-up shirt/dress at the same time as the picnic top?

the picnic top sample came in with the button-up dress sample and it needed very little alteration. also maya liked it. also we may be developing an entire line inspired by the picnic top so keep an eye out for that next spring

why is the new button-up shirt more expensive than the old button-up shirt?

it's more expensive to make

why is it more expensive to make?

this is a different factory from the one we used before. it's more expensive because they pay their staff a higher wage and likely have other costs

this is a different fabric from the one we used before. it's a stretch cotton with a GOTS certification

this is imported from a different country from the one we used before. turkey has much higher import fees to the US

what is a GOTS certification?

the short version is the fabric itself is more environmentally friendly and produced with more fair labor practices than standard cotton

you can read the long version here here

can you do fulfillment from somewhere other than the US?

we're working on it. it probably won't lower prices tho, since fulfillment centers also cost money

anyway...

none of this is to shame someone for not preordering. groceries are expensive and things are tight, plus it kinda sucks to spend on a tight budget and not get what you ordered for a few months

(can you tell i hate preorders)

i think there's a lot of surprise since we've never done preorders on a single design before, and that's fair! we debated on doing a kickstarter but a) i hate doing kickstarters b) kickstarter takes a percentage of sales and our profit margin on these is already lower than we'd like it to be

i'm tired and i can't remember anything else i wanted to say. i may answer any additional questions from my own tumblr (@punchyemblem and now i'm gonna get a notification that i'm gonna be jumpscared by) but carsyn will be handling most questions

also don't worry, when you say nice things we still show maya. also she's fine, she's just in her (forced and highly necessary and possibly permanent) limited social media era

[rebelfell]

every time you post pornstar!Eddie I feel like that picture of the wolf tearing his shirt open

if I didn't have a fear of being perceived and also digital footprint I'd be in your comments posting that image 0.2 seconds after you hit the publish button

but since I am and tumblr won't let me send images from anon, just know that I am thinking that picture so hard hoping the vibes go through my little device and to you <3

WAIT ALSO

I have a lore questions

What do they do outside of the porn stuff? Like they can't be doing that 24/7 but what are reader's hobbies? Also will Eddie be using more of his masseuse skills (reader probably needs it in their shoulders from nights spent hunched over the editing software)??

Also what about interactions that are outside of the porn realm? Do they get coffee? Do they stumble upon each other at the store? Can Eddie even go to the store as porn's new hot star or does he have to go in disguise? What's it like without all the cameras and the moans and the nakedness? Is it more vulnerable with their clothes on??

I know there's still more content to come but I really want to just dive head first in and swim through all the details and longing. no more dragging out the plot!! I'm slobbering against the glass. let me in please. I promise I don't have rabies :D ignore the foaming at the mouth I'm just excited!

I’m so glad you like them, bubs! And ohhhhhhhh my gosh so many good questions! You gave me lots and lots to think about the last few days…

I’ve not thought too much about the lore of this story because it started as a horny drabble, BUT I’ll throw some too many thoughts under the cut.

I think at least in the beginning, there was not much outside of work that R had time for.

In my head, you were kind of carrying out every task on your own cos you just really wanted this new endeavor to work. It’s not that you “hated” porn, you just always had felt like you were more suited to being behind the camera and you finally had the opportunity to prove your mettle.

So it wasn’t 24/7, but it took up a fair amount of your time and didn’t leave room for much else.

And I think the basis of your connection with Eddie was in your working relationship, so most of the things you do together would be work stuff. He absolutely offered massages and you initially turned them down, not wanting to cross any boundaries or blur any lines (nice try).

But after one particularly long editing session… it’s just too good an offer to pass up. Plus, it led to him telling you about massage school, and...

Well, we know how that turned out.

I would also like to think R is a big movie buff. Sort of like a less-annoying Dawson Leery where you made movies with a shitty camcorder in your backyard and just really enjoyed the idea of bringing an idea in your head to life.

Definitely a very creative/imaginative type.

And I feel like you got into the porn industry thinking ‘I can do this for money and then work on my stuff in my down time’ and eventually got to a point where you were just phoning it in, and you weren’t working on anything, just kind of going through the motions. A little lost.

Then Eddie shows up and he becomes your muse and collaborator all in one neat and tidy package. You feel inspired again and you get this urge to Create that you haven't felt in a long time.

Outside of work, you are definitely friends. But I think Eddie had to do a lot of coaxing to get you to ease up on work. Once you start generating some buzz and revenue for the studio and start getting more funding/crew etc, Eddie is the one who has to remind you that you don't have to do everything anymore and you can (and need) to take time for yourself once in a while.

With him, if you want 🙃

I could see you two walking around a museum or art installation and talking about the pieces and getting into long debates about them. I don't see Eddie as a big ArT gUY, but I think he likes looking at the things you look at and trying to see them through your eyes. I think he's just fascinated by your mind and your vision and that's one way he's able to somewhat experience it.

And it’s during these moments away from all the lights and the cameras and the grunting and the moaning and the squishy noises that he feels so much more intimate with you. Because neither one of you is being your Work Self.

Eddie also feels 1000% more vulnerable with his clothes on. For someone who is naked for a living, he feels so much more exposed when he reveals something about his personality like a band he likes via a t-shirt or something like that.

He's still carrying around that Hawkins-induced shame about being a "freak" for the kind of music he likes or being ostracized for his hobbies. And I think there will always be a part of him that fears the judgement of that side of himself.

And for you, seeing him in clothes feels almost more intimate than seeing him naked? Because when he's naked, he's working, he's got his game face on, his bareness is like armor almost. When he is in his regular clothes, he doesn't have those walls up anymore and you feel like you're seeing the real him. That's not Pornstar, Eddie Munson.

That's just...Eddie.

[jacky-rubou]

Twenty Questions for Fic Writers

thank you @septic-dr-schneep for the tag!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

44 public works, 48 if you count anonymous

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

486,495

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Gravity Falls, which is the only one I really write for. Any other fandoms I have are either from previous fandoms or crossovers with Gravity Falls lmao

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

1. A Hug For Those Who Need It with 205 kudos (first fic to hit 200, woot woot) 2. The Trouble With Sweaters with 190 kudos 3. Sometimes All It Takes Is A Sleepover with 132 kudos 4. He Signs I Love You with 125 kudos 5. In The Dark with 112 kudos

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I always try to at least give them a single sentence of gratitude, if not an author's cut of why I did what they liked. Sometimes just a heart if their comment doesn't have much to respond to. or a winky face if I'm being coy lol. I just like to let my readers know that I appreciate the comments and that they're not commenting into a void lol.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

that is so hard because almost all my fics are angsty in some way haha. but i guess there are some with bittersweet endings that aren't as crushing as others, so I'll go with Sacrifices Must Be Made (major gore warning), The Things You Can't Live Without, The Twist of the Knife That is Fate, and Lost in Loving Memory (suicide and self harm warning) all with major character death.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

define 'Happiest'. i got some hopeful endings after soul crushing angst like Not So Different (And We're Dying For It) (suicide attempt warning) and Barely Living (And All It Takes Are Some Pills but idk.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

occasionally. mostly just peeps upset at pacing or my weird choices. i haven't gotten a lot. if i do, i delete it right away usually.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

haha no. (no shame on anyone who does but... that's not my style)

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

I've written a fair bunch. I think the wildest one was a Courage The Cowardly Dog and Undertale fic I abandoned on ffnet.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

no idea if I have and hopefully i haven't. anyone who notices someone stealing a fic of mine please let me know.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

if i have, they haven't asked or told me about it.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

nope and the idea terrifies me. though if helping with ideas counts, i have had someone help me with one of my fics in a more 'major' way but i don't want to talk about them further for personal reasons.

14. What’s your all time favorite ship?

right now, i like fiddauthor.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

there's a wip i made a few months ago inspired by a small angsty comic about ford's ptsd being triggered by water guns and almost shooting his family with a real gun i saw but i lost interest pretty quick when i didn't know where the hell to go with it.

16. What are your writing strengths?

emotions. i have made many a reader cry and i love that about my writing. and I think I have a good grasp on world-building.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

probably my bias towards specific characters blinding me to implications. specifically Ford.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I think it's fine. I don't do it because I fear writing something wrong. Also I don't really write with characters that would know other languages (except for Stan I guess but I don't get very much opportunity to add it where it makes sense haha)

19. First fandom you wrote for?

regrettably, the transphobic wizard franchise mixed with Sonic the Hedgehog for some godforsaken reason. never posted it anywhere though, thank god. just something i handwrote as a kid. for first ones I've actually posted, see the courage the cowardly dog and undertale fic on ffnet i mentioned earlier.

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

ARRRGGGGHHHH SO HARD TO CHOOOSE!!!

A few I love from myself are my suicide!ford duology (soon to be trilogy, shhhh), my paralysis!ford trilogy, my blind!ford duology, and Dead On Arrival

anyway, tagging @ferretwhomst and @thereareeyesinsidethetrees

[liberationwasboundtohappen]

Kleptoshipping: My Missing Puzzle Piece (Chapter 1, Part 1)

Title: My Missing Puzzle Piece Main Ship: Kleptoshipping / Boardshipping Side Ships: Puffshipping, (Future) Goldshipping Rating: R (On Tumblr); Explicit (on AO3 when I end up posting it) Summary: Two men meet in a dressing room as they're getting outfits for the same engagement party. They hit it off more than they understand, and complete each other more than they know. Warnings: References to sex, rather explicit language in later parts. Notes: Welp, here it is. I said I'd start posting this fic on tumblr and by the Gods, I'm doing it. Comments give me fuel and I have to give special thanks to @antaresr for the long brainstorming sessions and huge inspiration boosts for this thing. Honestly, I would not have gotten as far as I have in this fic without you. ---

The dressing room door swung open with a hard crack. Yuugi tried not to wince as it slammed shut behind him. 

Look, it wasn’t as though he could easily close it, okay? His arms were full of shirts that were probably too loose and pants that made him feel like he was going to a job interview, and with him standing at a good five foot nothing he could barely even see above the haphazard pile that he carried in his arms. Maybe he could have treated the clothes better; they would probably be wrinkled by the time he even tried them on. Then again, he probably wasn’t the first person who grabbed these exact clothes off the racks, and definitely wouldn’t be the last. 

Gods, why was he doing this again? Right. Engagement party. Best friend getting married. 

Needing to make a good impression with his buddy's fiance’s family lest they think that their son was marrying someone who ran around with people who didn’t know how to dress in polite company. 

Look, he liked his nerdy T-shirts, all right? He was a game designer for goodness’ sake; just about everything in his closet had some kind of nerdy branding unless they were work clothes or the depressing dregs of his weird edgelord leather phase in high school. 

The less said about that edgelord phase, the better. 

He still liked his fair share of leather wristlets and cuffs, but leather pants? Cutoff sleeveless shirts? The multiple belts and studded collars? Gods. The fact that his family let him leave the house back then was something he would never understand.

Yuugi took a deep breath in…then out. He gently set the clothes down on the bench before staring at them like they would grow a mouth and eat him alive like some kind of closet mimic. 

Jonouchi probably wouldn’t care if he wore his work clothes, come to think of it. His fiance probably wouldn’t, either; Ryou was barely seen without a cardigan, spooky halloween sweaters, or striped shirts.

Honestly, it was surprising that either of them went with such a…normal engagement party at all, with nice clothes and everything.

They met at a haunted house, after all. 

Well…maybe ‘met’ was too strong a word. Jonouchi got dragged into an American-style horror attraction after he lost a bet with one of their other friends, and Ryou was one of the actors there. Even though they were in high school at the time, Jonouchi never got over his childhood fear of ghosts and the supernatural; Ryou was dressed as a very convincing zombie and tried spooking him, but the poor guy ended up fainting from fright. After checking in on him (without makeup), the two hit it off, realized they went to the same school, and Ryou was integrated into their little group of friends.

They started dating after Ryou strategically used horror movies to snuggle up to Jonouchi and “comfort him with kisses.”

Their first date was at a Duel Monsters Booster Draft event; they won the team battle category and Jonouchi kissed Ryou for the first time.

Their first anniversary was spent playing a custom Monster World campaign that Ryou made to “celebrate their relationship”.

They got engaged after Jonouchi willingly stayed the night at a haunted house with Ryou, announcing that he would “brave anything if it meant being with you forever.”

Nothing about them was ‘traditional’ or ‘normal’...

Ah, but Ryou's family was the variable here; there was his (absent) father, and…

There was the fact that the engagement party was next weekend and he still hadn't bought an outfit.

Seriously, he needed to stop stalling.

“Come on, you can do this.” Yuugi shook his head and slapped his cheeks. So what if he was a grown-ass man who had to buy his clothes from the children’s section because he was too short for anything else? So what if sitting in this dressing room was claustrophobic and it made him want to make a beeline back home and huddle into his comfy clothes and read a comic book? He could do this. It was just clothes, it was just one night, and then he could throw it in the back of his closet until the next time he needed to wear something ‘nice, but not too nice’.

Maybe he should have asked Atem to go with him. That wasn't weird, right? Nothing weird about a grown man asking his Egyptian half-brother to go clothes shopping with him in a crowded mall on a weekend.

‘Hey, Atem, I know you're really busy with grad school and you have a thesis defense coming up, but do you think you could take a break from your much more important work to go shopping with me because I hate it?’

Nah, probably not.

Even though he knew Atem would happily go with him if he asked. 

No, that was exactly why he couldn't ask. Atem was a great guy, but that didn't mean that he needed to be taken advantage of like that. 

For goodness’ sake, Yuugi was an adult!

He had a good job! He had his own place! He had a cat! He paid his bills and scheduled all of his own medical appointments! 

You know, like every single adult did every single day!

If he could do that, then he could damn well buy his own clothes without his big brother's help! He picked up a lavender button-up with a sigh…

…and jumped as the door to the stall next to his slammed shut.

“For fuck’s sake.” 

If the person next door was trying to be quiet, he was failing. Their voice was like velvet, dripping with sarcasm and frustrated contempt. Was it possible for a voice to be hot while sounding that pissed off? Yuugi never thought about it before; then again, when was the last time he even dated? Two years ago? Three? Because failed first dates and awkward attempts at flirting totally counted as dating, right? Yuugi swallowed as he took off his shirt and tossed it aside; might as well bite the bullet and try on this lavender travesty. The fabric was soft to the touch, at least. The thought of sitting through anything semi-formal in something scratchy made his skin crawl. There was a loud thump in the adjacent stall, followed by the tell-tale slap of clothes getting tossed on the bench. Yuugi’s neighbor, Mr. Hot Voice, growled. “‘Dress nice’; why don’t you ask me to hang myself while you’re at it? Shitty old man.” Yuugi finished buttoning up the shirt and looked at himself in the mirror; it wasn’t his color and it made him look like he was going to a fancy club, but it didn’t look bad. In theory. If he actually liked wearing something like this. Okay, so this was a finalist, at least. Time to test out the other shirts.

There was some shuffling next door, followed by a muffled curse.

“Oh, perfect. What dipshit put the wrong sizing sticker on these?!” Yuugi had to bite back a chuckle. “These aren’t pants, they’re parachutes! Next.” 

Poor guy. He didn’t sound like he was having a good time, either.

At least he wasn’t alone, right? Suffering loves company and all that.  With a sigh, Yuugi reached for the ugly beige sweater near the bottom of the pile. Might as well get the rest of these shirts over with.

[pencey-pea]

would we read an almost famous inspired rayrard fanfic or am i just being autistic

(more info under the cut)

quick disclaimer uh no i didnt make bert evil like the 12 year olds on wattpad do, and tw for drugs, alcohol, and slurs but this is tumblr what did u expect

Summary

Its 1978, and Ray Toro is an aspiring rock journalist, someone who is absolutely in love with music, but is decidedly uncool. He's an awkward teenager, and doesn’t know his way around the scene. But since his idol, legendary writer Reagan Campbell, gave him an assignment, he hasn’t lost faith.

It’s 1978, and Gerard Way is the it-boy of the rock scene, and he isn’t even in a band. He just lounges around and looks pretty, loves the music, and pretends like he doesn’t care that everyone pretends they haven’t slept with him, even though they definitely have. He’s the epitome of cool, the definition of carefree. He’s been around since he was 16, but to be fair, that was only two years ago.

When Ray is assigned to report on the up and coming band Stillwater, will he be able to write his article, or will he be distracted by the eccentric “band-aid” and the drama of the scene?

Prolouge

The blank page sat on the cluttered desk, with hastily taken notes falling off the edge and drifting to the floor. Textbooks and jam-packed notebooks with post-it notes sticking out had been moved to the floor as well. Not enough room on the desk. Records and magazines and cut out articles surrounded him, making little skyscrapers of paper and vinyl. In the middle of it all was a typewriter, slightly shimmering under the hot desk lamp and untouched by the boy in front of it, who was chewing on his cuticles as he stared down the blank page like a formidable foe. In the back, “The Prettiest Star” by David Bowie played softly, skipping slightly at some points

He knew that it wasn’t really that big of a deal. He realized— as he ran a hand through his long tawny curls—that he was probably gonna write this one little assignment and then be told that his writing wasn't good enough or special enough, and he would go back to becoming a lawyer or whatever his mom wanted him to do. He knew that Reagan probably just gave him this assignment to get him off his back, to get the crazed fan with wild dreams of becoming a journalist far away from him. But still. If he did this right, he could possibly get published in Cream magazine. Or maybe just get a little closer to it. He thought a little too hard and but down on his cuticle, making it prick with a little droplet of blood.

“Shit,” He cursed as he unfolded himself from the pretzel-like position he was in and speed walked his way into the kitchen. He stretched to reach the top of one of the cabinets, grabbed the first-aid kit, and wrapped a band-aid around his finger. Just as he was putting away the kit, his mother walked in.

“Sweetie! Why did you have the First-aid out?” She asked, concern lacing her tone. Before he could answer she grabbed his hand and examined his finger, eyebrows furrowing. “I told you, you’ve gotta stop chewing on your fingers like that!” She sighed, dropping his hand and turning to the stove. “What made you hurt yourself like that anyways? You only do that when you’re nervous.” He shrugged.

“The journalism piece i was given,” He mumbled.

“What? You know I don't like mumbling, Ray,” His mother scolded, pouring something into the pot on the stove.

“It’s just that journalism piece I was told to finish. The one about Black Sabbath? 700 words due on Tuesday, and I haven't even started writing.” Ray lamented, pinching his nose bridge as he talked. All he got in reply was a petty and tight-lipped “hm.”

“Well, honey, just remember that writing articles about rock bands is a very hit and miss economy. Don’t bank on making it,” His mom pointed out, clearly trying to discourage her son. Ray tried to calm himself, taking a slow breath in.

“I know.” He said shortly, fists clenched a bit. He stormed back to his room. Back to the blank page.

—

Everything was a bit hazy as he stumbled around the room. Someone shoved another bottle into his hand and he happily chugged it down as he tried to remember if that was his 7th or 8th beer that day. Somehow a giant pink feather boa had made its way around his shoulders, and he strutted around as best as he could, given the fact that he couldn’t really walk straight.

He felt all eyes on him, the skinny young boy with a girlish stare and a tiny waist and long black hair, who nobody cared to ask the age of. The fag. The unspoken beauty, the ultimate edition trading card of the rock scene with a little voice of sweet bells. The one they were all too afraid to admit to sleeping with. He smiled as he spotted Bert, who he made his way over to.

“Hey Gee, are you enjoying the party?” He asked, tired eyes and faraway voice high off of something. Acid, Gee guessed.

“Yeah! I think it’s the best one ever since I joined you guys!” He yelled over the loud music, giggling and shooing away a girl next to Bert and taking her place. He instantly felt at home by his side, settling into the garish green velvet couch that gave way beneath his small figure. Bert didn’t talk to him, instead focusing on a group of girls, but he did let him sit next to him like a little accessory. Gee didn’t mind, he knew that Bert had to kinda pretend like he didn’t care, like he wasn’t sleeping with the fag. Gee was greeted by groupies and roadies and singers and guitarists and tech guys, some who offered drugs or alcohol, or simply just a friendly face. He responded to them, bubbly as ever, even though the slight vertigo had started to settle in.

A bag of white powder was suddenly thrown onto the coffee table in front of the two, like a fresh carcass dropped right in front of starving hyenas. Gee was never one for cocaine, he didn't like the sensation of it going up his nose, and the nosebleeds were far from desirable. But Bert held up the bag, so Gee held up his arm, and they both did two lines. Gee felt funny afterwards, and said so to Bert, or maybe just the room.

“Just give it a moment, darlin’, it’ll settle,” He reassured him, patting Gee’s thigh discreetly as he leaned over to grab a half finished beer. Gee did just that, but when he tried to stand, he couldn’t.

“Bert… I don't think I can stand,” He slurred, leaning back against the couch. Bert looked down at his watch and glanced around.

“That’s alright, I'll take you back to your room. You think you’ll remember this tomorrow?” How sweet, Gee thought, he’s checking to see how wasted i am. He cares.

Gee thought for a bit, and then slowly started to shake his head. “Mmmm… Probably… Not.” He decided, smiling and giggling, eyes red. Bert smiled back.

“Jeez. I’ll make sure you get back safe, don’t worry,” Bert assured, hooking his arm under Gee’s and hoisting him up. Gee thought he might’ve heard him and Bert say goodbye to people, but his mind was too fuzzy to decode things like words. Once they got out of the suite, Bert picked Gee up bridal style, and took him to his room, as promised. He stumbled through the door, immediately heading for the bathroom. Bert followed after him and held his hair back, rubbing his back and shushing him sweetly.

The last thing Gee remembered was hurling his guts out, his nose bleeding, then Bert’s eyes.

“God you’re hot when you’re wasted like this,”

idk if i want to go through with this idea, so feedback and rb’s are greatly appreciated!!!!

[authortobenamedlater]

@thefinaljediknight tagged me. 20 questions for fanfic writers!

How many works do you have on AO3?

72. Plus 50-something on my defunct FFN.

What's your total AO3 word count?

100,643

What fandoms do you write for?

In my younger days, too many 😂 my FFN is like a fandom junk drawer. Over the past several years I’ve just about exclusively written for Star Wars (TCW and The Mandalorian) and Halo.

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

A Master’s Work Is Never Done (TCW, an oldie but goodie that I tend to forget about)

What Do You Do With a Drunk Togruta? (TCW)

The Toddler Invasion (TCW and probably my favorite fic I’ve ever written)

Nothing But Time (The Mandalorian)

A Marriage of (In)convenience (The Mandalorian, up there with TTI for my self-proclaimed best work, sadly the AU it began will never be what I imagined but I still love it)

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Sometimes they get by me but usually yes.

What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

And Each Regret, And Each Goodbye (game-verse Halo) This fic is straight-up agony beginning to end.

Two Corpses In One Grave (Halo TV show) is up there, even though it’s just appropriating the show’s already angsty ending for my own purposes.

There might be something angstier on my FFN but I’m not going through stories I wrote as a high school kid to find it 🤣

What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

I’m going to link my Married…With a Supercarrier series here because the whole thing is a happy ending. Mostly. Happier than canon. Which is not saying much for Halo.

For individual fics I can’t decide between When The Game Is Over (Halo TV show) and Lost and Found (game-verse Halo). There’s a fair amount of angst to get to the happy ending in both but isn’t that always the best part?

Do you get hate on fics?

Not anymore but in the Wild Wild West FFN days I got some doozies.

Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I’ve tried and I just can’t. I don’t do well with graphic material of any sort. I’ll do fade to black or innuendo where the story calls for it but I always try to keep it humorous and sweet.

Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

Generally no. I did do this NCIS/Halo fic for International Fanworks Day this year and it ended up being kind of a surprise hit. I might write more in the future if I get inspired.

I also have this Babylon 5/Halo crossover that I like to roast on the headcanon rotisserie now and then.

Both of these crossovers would be pretty bonkers but For Such a Time As This might have the edge because it’s basically Sheridan and Lasky tearing a hole in space-time with the force of their combined borderline self-destructive bravery. And Spartans getting hammered on Brivari.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not as far as I know.

Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Not officially, but @mrtobenamedlater gave me the idea for The Toddler Invasion and helped me write a good deal of Exception Handling.

What's your all-time favorite ship?

Right now Tom and Chyler (game-verse Halo) have my muse by the throat. But my all-time favorite is Faramir/Eowyn. Most of my favorite pairings resemble them in some way.

What's the WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

It’s not really a WIP but I’ve been sitting on this ROTS fix-it for about six years. It all started when I was like “Hey Anakin could have major Winter Soldier vibes” and then “hahaha Samuel L. Jackson” and started spinning a Star Wars fix-it that must be full of MCU references.

If I were to pick one of my overly-ambitious ideas to complete, it would be this one. @rainintheevening want to talk next week? 🤣

What are your writing strengths?

Dialogue. Description. I’ve been told I’m great at angst (a compliment I guess?) but honestly it’s like pulling teeth sometimes to get it out.

What are your writing weaknesses?

Plot and action, which is why nothing I write is more than two chapters long. I feel perpetually bad about this.

Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I actually did this in an original story once, but I’m sure it was atrocious because I used Google translate and the character was supposed to be speaking Quebecois French.

If I ever need to do this again I’ll find someone who actually speaks the language.

First fandom you wrote for?

The Mighty Ducks! A long long time ago.

Favorite fic you've ever written?

I already mentioned two of them, so in the spirit of shameless self-promotion I’ll pick a runner up: Only Human (Halo TV show). My effort to deal with the most (rightly) derided scene in the season. There are parts of the fic I’m not entirely happy with, but I still think I did a pretty good job.

Tagging @novelmonger @ageless-aislynn @ionlymadethissoicouldleaveanask @sarnakhwritesthings @brievel and I’m blanking on anyone else right now. Mr was gone fishing last night. The tiny humans have taken over. Mama is tired.

[elsiebrayisgay]

For the ask game: 3, 16 and 17 😊

um yeah! 3. Describe the creative process of writing a chapter/fic so this has changed a lot since i started writing prose, tbh, but there are some hallmarks of my process that have stayed the same. the absolute first thing that has always remained true whether it's been more academic, poetry (which is what i did for my degree,) TTRPG stuff, or now prose fanfic, is that no matter what no matter where no matter when if i have an idea i do my best to write it down. i have lost too many good ideas to not being sure what i had thought up and being certain i'd remember it. so often when i am laying in bed drifting off to sleep and thinking about my work, i will grumble and sit up and unlock my laptop to type out some notes.

another thing that was true for a while and still holds up somewhat today (with caveats) is that when i get inspired by something, i *write*. the first chapter of sourceless bruises was written in one evening after i got home from being out at dinner. i'd had vague concepts and ideas floating around for months before then but when it finally hit me i just sat down and wrote. this doesn't really happen as much anymore because even though i have the inspiration and the hyperfixation, i just don't have the energy to be up and in such high gear for so long, so i need to break it up more. this was true of my poetry and essays for school as well, though; i would just sit down start turning work out when i wanted or needed to.

16. How many fic ideas are you nurturing right now? Share one of them?

alright so i've been kind of trying to figure out what i want to write after sourceless bruises. i took kind of a long break between my first fic and my second fic (more of these queer feelings... it's probably nothing on ao3) because i was just sort of waiting to have an idea i felt really solid about working on and that's how long it took. partially because sourceless bruises is a bigger project and is taking longer, these days i have a lot more ideas for what to work on next kicking around. none of them are really formed into anything super cogent, because i pretty strictly keep myself to one involved/long-term creative project at a time. however, things i have been interested in developing once i have wrapped up sourceless bruises in no particular order:

i have a draft started for a sequel to more of these queer feelings. it's mostly outlined, but i hadn't really gotten far into the drafting process.

korrasami modern au. this kind of setting adaptation is my bread and butter, if you couldn't tell. i posted a joke about this sort of idea on tumblr a while back but it actually got a lot more traction than i was expecting and so honestly i'm thinking about putting some more work in on it.

cait/vi (vilyn?) has been really interesting to me recently. i dunno, something about those girls. so i've been thinking about early stages of what i might want to do with them, whether to give them my normal au treatment or try something else.

i have also been working a bit on a premise for some original fiction. i will only say at this point that it will be horror/mystery and probably be a fair bit bleaker than what i tend to write for ao3 (though honestly i have no idea how i would go about publishing original fiction.)

17. What do you do when writing becomes difficult? (maybe a lack of inspiration or writers block)

okay so at this point it's time to circle back to the first answer in this post because honestly the truth of how i go about writing chapters these days falls a lot more under this question than that more general one. the first thing i'm going to say is that in my opinion, writing is labor. there's an old interview with john darnielle and john k. samson (among others) where JD talks about how there's no such thing as convenience store clerk block, or coal miner's block, so writers shouldn't get blocked—they should just keep sitting down to write, and to some extent i believe in that idea, but i want to add nuance. i think there probably is such a thing as convenience store clerk block, and coal miner's block, it's just that society doesn't allow or expect them to take breaks, or go on sabbatical or whatever. so they end up working through, and maybe burning out. i think that labor is something that any person, in any field, needs to take at their own personal sustainable pace. it's really easy, as a writer, to compare yourself to others. word counts on ao3, stories published, etc. but i think it's very important to listen to your mind and body about what you need as a creative person and also just as a person. if you've got nothing right now, i think it is important to try allowing your mind to simply lie fallow. there's that post about mental crop rotation, and about letting your mind have time where it isn't expected to turn out anything that needs to get put on a page. i think respecting that need is pretty important. this philosophy is how i've been going about writing since i got out of school.

this ties into the actual difficulty i've mostly been having with sourceless bruises. around late 2022/early 2023 i had some life circumstances cause my chronic illness to get a lot more severe, from which i have never fully recovered. this has meant that my pain is a lot worse, and my energy levels are a lot lower. what i used to be able to do with turning out thousands of words a day when i was really inspired happens only very rarely now, when those moments line up with my good days. there's another post on here (somewhere in my reblogs) talking about what to do as a fic writer when your capabilities change, and a lot of the advice on that post has stuck with me. accepting my limits and working within them has definitely meant that my process is a lot slower, especially during flares (and once the weather warms up in the spring i am mostly stuck in one big flare until fall) but it also means that i get to maintain the quality of what i produce and my own quality of life. in these periods, i mostly just try to carve out a bit of time every day when i am able to sit up, usually only fifteen or twenty minutes or so, to peck away at my draft. i sit down, get a paragraph or two dealt with, maybe look at a bit of research, maybe not, and at the end of it i have maybe two hundred more words than i did before. some days, i don't even feel up to this. sometimes i go a week without doing it. but i try to just carve out some time when i can to peck away and eventually i end up with a finished chapter. that's really what my creative process looks like these days.

[centuriantalevevo]

"Mama Knows Best"

Alastor's mama is heeerrreee-

Includes: Vox cameo rip bozo lmao, mentions of murder and cannibalism, minor police brutality mentions, 'hell hath no fury like a woman scorned', Alastor is prolly OOC but fuck you-, Alastor's mom is a badass prove me wrong-- oh wait, YOU CAN'T-, Very much mama's boy energy, she gives 'boy mom' energy in a way, but she's just a very affectionate and loving mama, she's not one of those "No one knows him like his mommy does" type mom's lol-, slight Men Slander(TM) but to be fair, men were on some sort of drugs back in the day ok?-, mentions of child abuse, persona cameo because fuck you, feel free to imagine Halo as you tho, I tried to do a little bit of quick research on Jambalaya, plz tell me if I got something wrong-, tate mentioned, alpha male dudes mentioned lmao, the grief of a parent losing their child is always the strongest grief

Nora's name is totally not inspired by Nora from the first season of American Horror Story from the 1920s, why would you think that? That's just stupid, you're crazy and no one will ever believe you!

The day seemed normal-- well... As normal as a day in Hell can be.

He was being trailed by Halo once again when he went for his daily stroll-- of course until they decided to run ahead and cross the road without looking, almost getting hit like a complete idiot... Had it not been for him, they'd be dead... AGAIN, at least. He wonders why he even stopped the car in the first place, but oh well!

He entered the hotel--

Oh! You're probably wondering who I'm talking about- Alastor! Yes, Alastor... The Radio Demon.... chronic technology hater, THAT Alastor.

Anyways!

He entered the hotel, hearing some chatter coming from the next room, as well as Halo being obnoxious as always.

"Wait who are you?" They asked, "Halo! That's rude..." Vaggie scolded them, "What?? I don't know who she is..." They argued, and he heard a soft laugh.

"Oh, it's alright, you're just curious after all." The voice said-- he felt like he'd heard that voice before... But where?

"Oh, since Halo's here that means Alastor should be here soon-- Halo, where is he?" Charlie asked, "just behind me! OI ASSHOLE GET YO DUMBASS IN HERE" They yelled while going to the doorway and hopping up and down.

"I'm right here, no need to yell." He responded, "dude you're 10 times taller than me, you're supposed to be faster." They crossed their arms, "Alright we got strawberry pimp in the room now! Why is needed? Why not need me instead? I'm better I prommy!" Halo turns a 180 immediately, they were too hyperactive today.

"Oh, do I have a guest? To what do I owe-" Alastor went silent, hell it looked like he almost lost his neverending smile... "Wha-.." He trailed off, Alastor...? Flabbergasted? Now that's a first!

"Al!" The lady said with relief and got up, "Oh you know him? Like... wait define knowing him-" Halo questions with their tail idly swaying. "Mama?" "MAMA?!"

It was like simultaneously combusting, EVERYONE said it at the same time.

Though the group gave a chance for this little reunion, they were about to ask a FLOOD of questions. "You should be in heaven?! What are you doing down here? You don't deserve to be down here!" Alastor exclaimed, holding the lady he just called mom.

"You'd be surprised at what I'm capable of, dear... I'm by no means a damsel in distress." She said simply, sitting back down but this time with Alastor next to her. "I never did give you my name, did I? I'm so sorry, how rude of me! I'm Nora!" She said sweetly.

"No way this sweet lady is in Hell, what did you do? Oh my god did you torture children?! Eat them like Hansel and gretel?!" Halo asked excitedly and Nora laughed. "What could have possibly done?! All things considered, you're supposed to be in heaven!" Alastor said, he almost sounded... Upset?

"Well... After you died, I waited for hours for you to come home... It came time you said you'd see me... Nothing.. I gave it 30 minutes thinking maybe you were running late! Then it his 10... 11... I waited til dawn..." Nora said softly, "I eventually tried to sleep on the couch so I could hear when he came home.. I barely slept, though. I maybe got a few minutes of shut eye... His dinner was cold, but I kept it on the table in hopes that I'd wake up and see the plate all cleaned up..." She continued.

"And then later in the morning, Police came to tell me he was killed.... I lost it... I stayed shut away for a few days, dealing with grief... The grief got to me and turned into rage." Alastor stayed absolutely silent- the most silent he'd ever been, you couldn't even hear static.

"I decided it was worth my life. I'd taken a pistol we had at home and found the man's house-- I knew who it was, he was there at Alastor's funeral, he was cackling to himself... so I broke in and shot him in the head." She said so calmly, it even scared Alastor of all people.

"And then I went after his friend. The man who decided to do a 'double tap' to make sure he was gone, except I didn't give him grace. I used my hat pin, honestly the young women who came up with using as a weapon in the day were geniuses of their time!" She continued with a soft smile, "I slit his throat and stabbed, I kept stabbing until all you could see were holes in his chest. Police shot me dead almost immediately." She said, "But I don't regret it... If you asked me... I'd do it all over again. I still blame myself, however." She said with a sigh.

"What?! No, that wasn't your fault! It was my choice to even do that, had I not have, I would've been alive!" Alastor cut her off, "But I could've asked you to come visit me now instead of later. I could've delayed you, even 5 minutes would've changed so much..! Alastor would answer to my every beck and call, if I asked him to come visit anyways, he'd put his original plans aside... Why didn't I use that power for once?" She asked, a rhetorical question. "I rethought of all these different scenarios on how I could've stopped it..! Obviously it was too late... I knew he'd be here, anyways... Waiting for me, eventually." She finished.

"How did you know I'd be here though?" "Sweetie... I always knew-- Parents ALWAYS know! You may think you're doing a perfect job at hiding it, but you aren't... They say mom's have eyes in the back of their head for a reason, y'know!" She laughed softly. "Wh.. So... wait-" Alastor was confused.

"Baby, I knew you'd been doing the killing... including occasionally eating a person or two... Granted! You tended to go after the men who were... honestly deserving of much worse..!" She said with a soft smile, "But I still was disappointed in your choices you made." She added, and Alastor looked down... In shame!

Alastor?! FEELING SHAMEFUL?! EMBARRASSMENT?! Impossible!

"I raised you better, I know I did! But... I can at least feel happy that you didn't end up like many of the men... objectifying women and being disrespectful. I may have raised a psychopath of a son, but at least he's respectful towards women." She said sweetly.

"I like to think he's the lesser evil in the world! Especially when he's killing bad people!" Halo spoke up with a grin. "I like to believe that too, dear! Don't you worry!" Nora laughed a little.

Alastor had been... Surprisingly well behaved, all things considered! But... Then again... Mama Alastor was here, anything to not disappoint her!

Alastor was going on another stroll to get a few errands done as well as some fresh air! Halo insisted on joining this time... They didn't wanna get on their computer for once.

But Nora insisted she come with! She wanted to see some other shops, see what they had to buy and maybe go on a but if a shopping spree, she deserved a treat, in her opinion!

"Ah sweet, Mama Alastor is joining!" Halo says while standing at their door, already having got their shoes on. "What? Mama Alastor?" She tilts her head a little, "Oh! Uh... It's a... uh... Basically like a thing in the vtuber community? We usually don't know the names of our oshi-- or favorite streamer's-- parents so we usually call them like... Mama and then vtuber's first or last name, or replace Mama with papa!" Halo explained, "It's hard to explain to someone who.. isn't also from 2020s, let alone just the 2000s..." They added with a small shrug.

"I have a bit of a hard time remembering names sometimes, so..." They quickly added again, "sorry if it made you uncomfortable!" "No need to apologize, honey! You're alright," Nora chuckled softly.

It was a peaceful day! Well, as peaceful as hell can be. No demon's giving issues! No overlords trying him! No Vox to be found-

Shit.. knock on wood--

"Well, if it isn't the fucking RADIO DEMON. Decided to come out from hiding in your little radio tower?" The TV headed demon commented with lots of snark.

"Ah... And I thought today would be such an amazing and surprisingly quiet day! You just LOVE ruining everything, don't you?" Alastor said with his typical grin.

Then Vox noticed the new demon beside him, he'd never seen her before...

"And who might this lovely lady be?" Vox immediately tried his manipulative tactics-- suffice to say, Alastor wasn't very happy about that.

"Excuse my language, but BACK THE FUCK UP YOU FLAT FACED BASTARD." His voice had a LOT of radio distortion, yet he didn't drop that smile.

Nora gave a look, but said nothing... He was just trying to protect his mom, she understood that.

"And why do YOU have an issue? Are you dating? With the way Halo acts, I would've thought you two were but turns out you're with someone else?" Vox smirked, but then it dropped with Alastor very visibly gagged...

And Nora looked like she was about to prove sinners could die permanently without angelic intervention.

"What-"

"Ew... I shouldn't be surprised pro-shippers would be in hell-- no offense to any pro-shippers but also full offense as well.." Halo commented while back up a little. "Heavens, no! That's disgusting! I'd rather die again in the most painful way possible!" Alastor said.

"Dear, I'm his MOTHER." She said.

Basically Cue the radio stop noise thing-

Except make it a TV.

Before Vox started laughing, "Oh so he's still being walked everywhere by his mommy?" "Oh you're so very lucky I don't want to get in trouble from her, otherwise I'd end you here and now." Alastor said with an irritated grin.

"So you admit you listen to mommy?! Ha! Pathetic! He's a mommy's boy!" Vox cackled, he couldn't stop. "I have very good reasoning... You know that odd stereotype of a joke that moms aren't the people to mess with? They aren't wrong... She may be a lovely lady... But boy can she pack a punch... It's not because.. Oh I'm a mama's boy... It's because I'm smart and would quite like to be able to live!" He said with a smile.

Vox just laughed harder, "mama? Being dangerous?!" He was cracking up...

Until Nora practically through his dumb ass.

"Not to be that guy.. buuuuttt... I told ya so!~" He cooed with a very satisfied grin.

"Hey! What was that for?!" Vox yelped, "For one, you DO NOT laugh at my son, especially considering he... slaughtered many overlords the moment he got here? Classic Alastor fashion, if I'm honest... For another, I'VE HEARD ABOUT WHAT A PAIN IN THE ASS YOU ARE!" She raised her voice.

"Clearly you lacked a mother to teach you proper manners, hell you clearly even lack a decent father! Shame on you! I've heard of your fights! Don't think I'll let you go off so easy just because I didn't see it." She growled, "I'm no damsel in distress. I'm the reason his father died so early and I'm the reason his killers died not too long after they murdered him! I killed for him twice in life, I can double-- even QUADRUPLE-- that in the afterlife!" She continued, "You don't EVER mess with a mama bear. It's the worst possible idea. If you value your life, you'll flee and go home and behave like a good boy!" She scolded Vox, absolutely not a single bit of fear.

"And if I hear you've laid even a FINGERNAIL close to a single hair on him... I'll do more than tear into you verbally. I'll let you find out WHY Alastor even fears me." She was practically Vox's height, it was kinda scary how tall she ACTUALLY was.

"Am I understood?" She asks and Vox nods quickly "Uh... Y-.. Yeah..." "Hmm? What was that?" She asked, "Yes ma'am! Loud and clear!" He nods...

And he flees.

"Smart man, that one! Pleasantly surprised." She smiled as if she hadn't just threatened one of the most influential overlords...

One of the Vees, no less!

"Alastor, why didn't you tell us your mom was a FUCKING BADASS??" Halo yells, running up to Nora and running circles around her, "She's so COOL! WHAT??" They add excitedly while the woman laughs a little.

"But wait, the hell did you do to make even AL be scared of you? Abuse him? Surely not, he clearly loves you to bits and pieces!" They asked curiously.

"Sweetheart, I may be kind... Sweet... Yes, I babied him a lot! Far past when he was a small child! But I know him well. I know what works. Usually he's quite well behaved, only needing a light restriction half the time! But I wasn't AFRAID to get physical if I needed to, I just believed it wasn't the most productive way! He learned real quickly that if he disrespected me, he'd know the true meaning of fear. His father could never compare." She explained.

"I had to spank him a few times, god knows most of the time he saw my pure raw strength when his father went too far." She added, "Oh.. Yeah... I forgot about that... The majority of her physical demonstrations weren't on me! Primarily on my father whenever he laid a hand on me." Alastor nodded in agreement.

"I figured out she could likely easily overpower me, even when I hit my teenage years! One of the women that truly scared the daylights out of me... Mostly, I believed it was ME who should be protecting women, at least considering size differences.. Until you watch this woman just brute force a grown man in his 30s onto a counter because he dared to lay a hand on her kid with barely any struggle... The strength of a mom is truly horrifying.." Alastor almost shivered a bit.

"Well the strength part is true as hell! I've heard stories of moms straight up LIFTING CARS OFF OF THEIR KIDS! Adrenaline is a hell of a drug!" Halo nodded, easily believing what was being said.

Yet, despite that, Alastor couldn't help but still feel VERY protective of his mom-- That's his mom, after all! If anyone wanted to lay a hand on her, they had to go through him! Nora let him, mostly because he was always a stubborn boy, growing up, and she let him just to let him feel better... Feel stronger. She could take care of herself, but if it made him happy, who was she to argue? It meant less work for her!

Until the attack from heaven.

She WATCHED her son be harmed, she watched him almost die AGAIN. That pissed her off so much.

"YOU DARE HURT HIM?! I'LL SHOW YOU WHAT ACTUAL PAIN IS!"

Hell truly hath no fury like a woman scorned.

Or, as the case may be, hell hath no fury like a mother scorned.

She kicked Adam's ass to high heaven (lmao)

It was just funny how Niffty was the one to kill him... With a stab to the back, too!

"You know what? He deserved it... I shouldn't be surprised he's so egotistical, if he was the template for men... Go figure-- Well, I'm not sure how much they've changed since the 20s? Are they still how they used to be?" Nora asked Halo and they shrugged. "We got plenty of feminist men! But... They're all drowned out by the 'alpha male' podcast guys... Tate's little stannies." They explained, "Alpha...? Tate- stannies?" She was very confused, "Nothing! Just... cringe guys who believe in women being tradition wives but not men being traditional husbands... It's wayyyyy too much to explain, you'd have to see for yourself!" They continued.

Nora immediately left to find Alastor and make sure he was OK.

Luckily he was! He nearly gave her a heart attack! "You really do need to stop being so overly confident, Hun... It'll get you killed like it did before." She softly lectured him and he sighed. "Even in death, I never escape the lectures and life lessons..." He comments, mainly under his breath. "Hm?" She gave a look-- a look he knew all too well.

"Nothing, Mama!" He quickly spoke up as she finished bandaging up some cuts, scrapes, and gashes.

Once she finished getting him all patched up-- golly, it reminded him of his grade school days! Coming home from school after some kids picked on him and hurt him... Or coming home after accidentally scraping himself when playing in the park... She was always there to softly scold him all while tending to his wounds and giving him a piece of candy afterwards!

Sometimes he thought, maybe he did it on purpose, just for the love and candy... Despite the fact he could've gotten it if he just asked... Like he had done plenty of times before.

And now the hotel was rebuilt, and even bigger and better than before! Charlie admired the hardwork everyone put into rebuilding the hotel!

"Well then!" Nora broke the silence, "I'm betting at least a few of you are starving! How about I make everyone some Jambalaya?" She asked sweetly, Alastor immediately perked up. "As long as you hVe ingredie-" Nora was about to add before suddenly Alastor disappeared... and then reappeared. "Cross the shopping off the list, even if we didn't have any earlier, we do now!"

"Of course you would," Nora laughed a little. Everyone was excited! Considering Alastor had mentioned his mom's Jambalaya when he first got to the hotel, now they were eager to try it!

Until Halo tried it and immediately was making sounds of discomfort. "Are you alright, dear?" Nora asked in a concerned tone, "It's hot! No one said it was hot!" They said while gulping their drink desperately, "Oh, I'm sorry! Are you allergic to spicy things?" She asked and they shook their head, "No, they just have a really REALLY bad spice tolerance." Vaggie explained, "Halo, darling..! It's Cajun food! Traditional Cajun food! A lot of Cajun food includes spicy ingredients!" Alastor said, "Wait is Jambalaya Cajun or Creole?" Halo asked, their tongue slowly starting to feel better, "Both, actually! It started as a Cajun cuisine, but soon the Creoles picked it up and tailored it to their tastes! The main difference is Cajun Jambalaya looks brown while Creole Jambalaya looks red, the Creole version includes tomatoes and is layered, while the Cajun one is dumped all at once and doesn't usually include tomatoes! I made the Cajun version today," Nora explained and Halo nodded.

"Yeah, sorry... I got shit spice tolerance, like... black pepper is spicy!" They said, and Nora's eyes widened. "Oh my... That's-- what do you use to season your food?!" She asks, "Well, I don't cook for one... I'm scared of the stove and burning myself-" Halo started, "Salt." Alastor said simply.

"Hm?" Nora glanced over, "Salt. They season their food with salt... so much salt... ungodly amounts of salt... It puts Husk to shame, even!" He spoke, "So much salt that they could fill an entire ocean with the amount of salt they consume. They cover their food in it to the point MOST people can't even have a single bite without it being too salty!" He continued.

"What..." "Yeah... I really... REALLY... Like salt!" Halo grinned.

It was such a long day... The fight... Rebuilding the hotel... Even just the socializing. Alastor was honestly exhausted. He never really slept, but now he WANTED to. But he couldn't. He thought back to the lyrics of some song Halo sang and really liked, apparently it was one of THEIR mom's favorite songs.

'Why do I tire of counting sheep, when I'm far too tired to fall asleep?'

He was to tired to sleep.

It was so childish, he felt like a 6 year old again, wandering down to his mom's room after the thunder woke him up in the middle of the night, dragging his blanket and pillow into the bed room and shaking his mom awake to tell her that the thunder woke him up (as if it wasn't incredibly obvious...)

But it was practically reflex. He felt like he was on autopilot!

He knocked on the door before he heard a quiet, tired, "come in!", so he opened to door. "Oh, Al! Is something wrong?" She asked, and he just shrugged a little. He looked so tired.

"You look exhausted, did you know that?" She asked as he walked over to the bed, "I had an idea..." He said quietly while laying on the bed. He almost knocked out right then. "Yes, you can sleep in here if you'd like, thanks for asking!" Nora said softly yet playfully, Alastor couldn't help but huff out a small laugh despite his exhaustion, "Too late to ask now." He mumbled.

She truly was privileged, wasn't she? She was like... the ONLY one Alastor allowed to touch him without asking, or without him initiating! And the only one who could touch his head. He didn't like physical contact much, but it was soothing when Nora did it, it was how she comforted him when he was scared as a little kid.

He couldn't help but remember when he was small, laying his head on her lap in the living room. The heavy rain hitting the windows and roof, occasionally flashes of lightning, the rolling of thunder, waking him up late at night when she was still awake and reading in the living room. She'd pet his head while she read her book while he fell back asleep, the radio was always nice background noise that also comforted him during storms. Hearing the different now obscure advertisements of the day, and then the jazz playing after a few advertisements, even just the static noise was nice!

He felt like a kid again-- maybe feeling things wasn't ALWAYS so bad, it let him feel nostalgic feelings like this! He was fast asleep before he even knew it, he didn't know when he fell asleep, but all he remembered was the feeling of mama petting his head felt soothing again, he knew he missed his mother! But... He didn't realize just how much he missed her until she was back with him again...

Some may think she's one of those weird boy moms, but no! She just really liked to baby her precious boy-- no matter how old he got, she'd always see him as her little boy who ran to her when the lightning struck and the thunder got too loud.

But even he knew that if he had EVER gotten a significant other, Nora would've likely sided with the S/O on lots of things.

He was a mama's boy through and through, that much was true! And she loved that! But she wasn't afraid to correct him and she sure as hell wasn't afraid of someone 'coming in and stealing him from her'.... God knows she WANTED that to happen, but she never pestered him about it.

How long was he out for? He felt so confused, like one of those long naps you have after school with those marks all over your body from the sheets!

"Well good morning-- technically afternoon, but still!" Nora's voice caught him by surprise-- oh, right... He went to her room and fell asleep...

"What time is it?" He asked, "almost 2 in the afternoon, dear!" She responded, he slept... For almost... 14 HOURS?! "Wait... I was asleep for--" "14 hours! You were really tired. You really need to TRY and sleep more, even if it's hard to. You worry me, you know?" She responded with a small nod.

"Yeah... But I actually feel really good after that... I haven't slept that well since I'd gotten here." He commented, "So what did it then?" She asked, "Don't know... All I really know is I was remembering when I was kid... When it would storm and the thunder was loud," He responded while he got up, his suit was all wrinkled, but oh well, he could ask Niffty to iron it later. "I remember that..! The thunder and lightning did always scare you," Nora nodded with a hum, "You didn't even change clothes before bed!" She gasped, "That's how tired I was, I suppose!" Alastor laughed a little with a little shrug.

He hugged her for a moment-- it was a quick moment, but it was a hug that told you he MEANT IT.

"Even thought I don't think you deserve to be down here... It's good to have you back, mama."

[murmuur-vanilja]

a vent became a piece of reflection and i am willing to share the thoughts with you.

fourteen years old – it feels like the next six years have just been pretending because when i hear footsteps in the hallway, i still stop breathing because when the meals are reheated, i still stop speaking because when it’s cold outside, i still stop thinking because when you’re upset, i still stop living

i feel time stopping, i feel i’ve died six years ago

imposter syndrome or maybe i feel fake overall i do not know why it feels like all i ever do is a lie and i’m still scared sometimes that my friends will leave if they learn “the truth” and i do not know what that truth would even be

fourteen years old – it feels like the next six years have just not been real but i get better, i know, because sometimes i suddenly understand i am twenty like when i wear this specific outfit, inspired by petit-doudou or when i ate mushrooms, or when i smoke at night alone in my bedroom or when i bring food to my sister’s out of free will

but outside of those specific occurrences (non-exhaustive) i feel time stopping, i feel i’ve died six years ago

so you need to understand, yes you who know me and wish me the best you need to understand that you cannot help me if i am not twenty

because when i say i am a bad person it’s because i am fourteen and i was an asshole when i was fourteen it’s no use arguing against that, because if am not twenty all the points you could bring are not real

and if i say i want to die, if i say i’m suicidal if i say i deserve to hurt, if i say i shouldn’t eat if i say i’m sorry for myself, if i ever dare say i can’t write it’s only because i am fourteen

i do not believe a single one of those words i say because i’ve lived for six more years i can barely refute a single one of those words i say because those six years don’t seem real

i am a happy twenty-year-old and a miserable child

so i wear clothes i can feel move, i need accessories, i wear harnesses tight and i hate baggy pyjamas, and i hate one-pieces, and i hate my tied hair for without a reminder i’m alive, without a reminder i’m grounded, i think i’ll let myself rot

i threw away the lolita fashion, i got rid of most of my clothes i felt i was cosplaying a fourteen-year-old and i think i would like to feel twenty and alive more often

now sexuality if you don’t want to hear, you can skip the stanza now sexuality teasing, bullying, but i’m a coward, a curious one that is i am so deeply afraid of the consequences of my own actions i do not know what to do but i know i want to do and when i was fourteen, i fought with people out of abuse, can probably say it that way so i know how to hit, and i know how to insult, and i know how to hurt but the kind of hurt my mind immediately goes to is not sexual i am so deeply afraid of the consequences of my own actions it is not that i am uncomfortable, it is that i need to feel present first do not be afraid yourself though, i have learnt how to say no

now still sexuality, but different if you don’t want to hear, you can also skip the stanza now still sexuality, but different i am asexual, truly, i am being hot is a choice i make and it’s my choice, and it’s my choice, for the first time, it’s mine not defined by others and sex is silly like a game i think i like it that way, i think i like it that way, as long as i can win because i feel i’ve lost all the time before i was twenty i think they were all cheating at that game like when you change the rules with a new player because the inexperienced will not notice i don’t think i’ve ever had a fair chance at that game before and sometimes i’m scared of being horny because i feel like an annoying, nosy teenager bugging other people to play a game i’m too young to play

i think i’ve figured it out why i’m so scared that everything i do is a lie i feel like i’m fourteen and trying to impress people with how many forbidden things i can do with how many advanced things i can learn but i was never like that, i was never like that now i am, but i wasn’t i feel i’m pretending to be special and everyone buys into it

i want to let go of the expectations put on this miserable child while accepting i’ve met those expectations today as an adult

and i’ve been walking on the same path for so long “gifted child syndrome” but i am starting to think i am not afraid of failure not of failure, not of pressure, but something else entirely i am afraid of being trapped on this path and i think that is why i dread results so much and i think that is why success makes me depressed none of those two outcomes are happy endings and i think that’s why i need biology so badly psychology is for a fourteen-year-old who remains depressed eternally biology is for a twenty-year-old who manages to break free

when did it happen? what happened? what trauma? talking of this one guy, or talking of mom would be easy but they’re just very good scapegoats, for no matter how awful those are they both happened after i turned this way and mom is another story, but for this guy, it probably happened because i turned this way not that i blame myself in any way for him, i was just an easy prey

truth is, i do not know, i do not understand why my life collapsed so suddenly i left grade school and lost my friends and familiarity and mom went to the hospital and sister left for another country and brother left for another county and i learnt being gay for girls was weird and i learnt not being a girl was weird and i was alone in my autism now and i was alone in my insanity now and it happened all at once

truth is, i do not know, i do not understand why my life collapsed so suddenly my childhood wasn’t particularly amazing it had a lot of issues, in fact, and i’d probably still resent the bullying but i wouldn’t say it was particularly bad either i feel a deep disconnect, like i’ve lived two different lives before today

and i simply realised it someday nothing happened, really a bad set of unforeseen circumstances which scarred me deeply and it’s enough, i know, to be traumatised but i think i’m still searching for reasons because i need to pinpoint something and i can’t

fourteen years old – please, i will ask of you very nicely and i only ask because i believe i have finally found safety would you be by my side when i try to grab at those six years? those six years that i need to be happy so desperately?

i am not sure yet of how to reintegrate those into myself i have survived by breaking myself into plural pieces i don’t think i particularly need to be one and only but i really need to be twenty

[keanuquotes]

BottleRock Napa Valley

DOGSTAR

SOMEWHERE BETWEEN THE POWER LINES AND PALM TREES

Everything you know about Dogstar is probably wrong.

Here in 2023, Dogstar – guitarist/vocalist Bret Domrose, drummer Robert Mailhouse and bassist Keanu Reeves – epitomize the quintessential Southern California storytelling rock band they’ve always been in their hearts, making deeply resonant music that literally comes from Somewhere Between the Power Lines and Palm Trees. Yet had you Googled this long-on-hiatus, now happily reunited trio anytime during the past decade, you almost certainly would have found Dogstar being described as a Nineties “grunge band.” Should you have dared to push your dogged Dogstar research any further, you likely would have come across vague yet slightly barbed references to the group being some sort of “vanity project.”

Thankfully, “Everything Turns Around,” to quote the title of the first track on Dogstar’s new, compelling album Somewhere Between the Power Lines and Palm Trees. And with their positive new turn, this formerly promising power trio of friends finally delivers on that promise and finds their power. One fair listen to Somewhere Between the Power Lines and Palm Trees reveals Dogstar’s beautiful sonic truth. Nearly a quarter century after what seemed to be their final album, Happy Ending (released in 2000), Dogstar has reformed and taken a great creative leap forward, establishing an entirely new path.

In truth, Dogstar was never a vanity project, but a sincere passion play – a band of buddies who came together organically in a garage in Southern California and simply dreamed of playing music together and making a little noise. Now, all these years later and seemingly out of nowhere, Domrose, Mailhouse and Reeves took some time at the tail end of a historic lockdown to become the band they always dreamed they could be.

“Our earlier records were almost in the wrong decade,” says Rob Mailhouse. “Looking back, it’s almost like we started a Seventies band that somehow got lost in the Nineties. When everybody else was shouting, we were trying to tell stories because in Bret, we’ve always had a singer-songwriter in the Jackson Browne tradition. But people kept saying `grunge’ because of the times we were in – or maybe because of the clothes we were wearing.”

But a couple of decades later, mistaken identity has given away to brand new clarity and stronger tunes. “This music just sounds like us,” says Bret Domrose with a smile.

More specifically, Somewhere Between the Power Lines and Palm Tree sounds like a varied yet somehow cohesive and, at times, radiant set of songs by a band whose time has finally arrived.

“One of the things I love about this album is the variety of feel,” says Keanu Reeves. “Every song is not the same – you can hear our diverse influences and a lot of different tones here. And I feel like finally on this album, we’ve managed to take all those influences and our passion for playing together and once and for all turned it all into Dogstar.”

As it turns out, there’s quite a lot happening on Somewhere Between the Power Lines and Palm Trees, from the sensitive musical character study of “Dillon St.,” and the redemptive power of love in “Everything Turns Around,’ to the Pink Floyd-tinged “Glimmer” and the raw aggression of ‘Breach.” Echoes of classic L.A. rock abound, with sonic textures and flourishes reflecting the group’s shared love of Brit Rock from The Cure and The Smiths, to Joy Division and New Order. Something on Somewhere – between songs like “Sunrise” and “Sleep” – will hit you hard. As Domrose sings on “Dillon St.,” a shimmering folk rock gem inspired by his father’s musical dreams, “And you don’t have to feel so alone/There’s a song for everyone that can bring them home.”

You reappear when I am down

Like a favorite memory I have found –

–”Upside” by Dogstar from Somewhere Between the Power Lines and Palm Trees

Dogstar’s origin story dates back to a chance meeting between Robert Mailhouse and Keanu Reeves in the aisles of a Gelson’s grocery store in Los Angeles. Discovering a shared love of hockey and, before long, of music, the two new friends soon started jamming in Reeves’ garage in a scene that sounds sort of like I Love You, Man, albeit with different leading men. Ultimately, they found a key addition in the form of Bret Domrose, who became Dogstar’s frontman and guitarist in 1995, a year after he toured with the group to support the band’s then-lead singer and guitarist Gregg Miller.

1996 saw the release of Dogstar’s first EP Quattro Formaggi and, soon enough, Our Little Visionary, their debut album for upstart Zoo Entertainment where their labelmates included everyone from Tool to Matthew Sweet. There were TV appearances, interviews, and international tours opening for David Bowie and Bon Jovi, with Weezer and Rancid opening for them. Our Little Visionary featured some promising originals, as well as a lovely version of Badfinger’s Seventies power pop classic “No Matter What.”

“That cover was a tell,” Mailhouse says with a smile. “Remember Myspace? That’s all we had back in the day and I got an inbox from the drummer of Badfinger, Mike Gibbens who’d retired, but he said, ‘Best cover of the band EVER.’ Which was nice to hear because often we got the opposite of that. At the time, it was tough with some critics saying, ‘How dare you make music?’”

Perhaps inevitably, there was always the vague sense that this band of brothers was feeling overwhelmed by the fame of their bass player who could be the world’s most famous bass player since another highly Beatlesque band – namely, The Beatles. “But definitely not for being a bass player,” Reeves adds with a laugh.

“Nobody should or ever would ever feel bad for us,” says Mailhouse. “Because that attention definitely helped more than it hurt, but as a young band, we did find ourselves in a pretty unique circumstance if we ever wanted to be taken seriously.

As Domrose recalls wryly, “There were times in The Nineties when interviewers would say things like, ‘Great album, guys . . . So KEANU, when is the new Speed coming out?’

Reeves smiles, before adding, “I think that was true for a while, but after we’d been around for four or five years, it was certainly starting to change. We don’t know what the response will be this time.”

Yet, Dogstar has never really lost their shine for the fans who managed to pick up their scent along the way. As Reeves explains with a smile, “I run into people all the time who say, ‘Oh yeah, my mom went to your show’ or ‘My mom loved your show.’ Or ‘I may have been conceived at one of your shows.’”

“That’s great,” Domrose responds, cracking up. “What do you tell them, `Thanks’ or `I’m sorry?’”

“All you hold dear – time don’t mean nothin here”

–“Breach” by Dogstar

By early on in the 21st Century, Dogstar drifted apart as a band, but never broke up as friends.

“Dogstar was like a chapter, and we just took a break and turned that page,” Mailhouse says.

“We all just veered off into different areas. I started another band with my then-girlfriend. Bret got into writing music for film and loved it. And Keanu remains . . . Keanu.. But we’re all friends, we’ve stayed in touch, and we’ve never stopped making music one way or another.

Occasionally, we sort of got together and played, woodshedded in the basement, but nothing stuck and time just sort of blew by. I think that was a good thing because it allowed us to get past the whole vanity unfair thing and grunge.”

And that could have been that but, thankfully, that’s not “How The Story Ends,” to borrow the title from another one of Dogstar’s new songs.

Hard cut to post Lockdown in L.A. in the artist-friendly neighborhood of Silver Lake.

“Lockdown sort of dictated how we got here,” Mailhouse explains. “No one knew what to do early on. Everyone was at home. So at some point, I decided to set up my keyboards because I’m a piano player too. I did little mini-concerts for my canyon. And my neighbor Ryan during the lockdown asked about what was going on with Dogstar. Ryan ultimately hooked us up with Dave Trumfio (Wilco, The Rentals and Built to Spill) who ended up producing and engineering. Somehow, a neighbor from those free lockdown concerts led to all of this in the weirdest possible, but most organic way.”

In 2022, Domrose – who moved away from Los Angeles temporarily to take care of some pressing family business – came back to L.A. again. As Mailhouse explains, “When Bret came back, he stayed in my house and that sort of brought us all back together locked in my basement.”

“The hardest thing was getting us all in the room together,” Domrose says. “The rest feel pretty natural – even supernatural.” “For me, this album feels like it’s a terroir of Silver Lake,” Reeves adds. “It’s like these songs came from the earth and the air. And the sunlight. It all inspired us to just be open and listen to things and collaborate with each other, saying yes to the possibilities and crafting these songs together.”

“I feel like I’ve become a fan of my own band,” adds Mailhouse. “And that’s a great feeling.”

For Reeves, “the spirit in which the songs were written was very open. And for me, it was very influenced by a sense of good vibes. I think it’s about the storytelling of each song. And I think together they take you on a trip. We just hope you enjoy each song and wherever it goes.”

Asked for details of the recording schedule, the band praises the ideal, creative and fun atmosphere created by Trumfio and engineer Ruddy Cullers at Kingsize Sound in Glassell Park.

“It took a few weeks,” says Mailhouse.

Reeves pulls out an old school notebook from his black leather jacket and begins to read the precise dates aloud: “We wrote new songs January 5th to 10th, and April 16 to 21st. On July 14th, we started rehearsing the album – 13 new songs. On July 23, we started pre-pro with Dave Trumfio. July 25th – we started with drums and went to August 13th. Then we did a hiatus. Then we started recording Part Two September 26th to October 1 . . .”

“This was all in 1957, right Keanu?” Mailhouse says, amused by all the detail his partner in Dogstar’s rhythm section is laying down.

“No, that was all in 2022,” Reeves continues with mock solemnity. “And the masters were delivered January 4th, 2023.

“Which we can’t find,” jokes Domrose, “But hey, at least we had fun.”

“Wow,” Mailhouse says. “At least somebody is paying attention to Dogstar!”

Dogstar.

Find them Somewhere Between the Power Lines and Palm Trees.

Attention must be paid.

[ivyquinnauthor]

My Answers to 2022 Ao3 Unwrapped

My AO3 profile for reference - https://archiveofourown.org/users/legendarytobes/profile

1.     How many words have you written this year?

 I wrote 420,570 words this year.

 2.     How many works did you publish this year?

 I published 400,734 words this year that were new across 23 stories.

 3.     What work are you most proud of (regardless of kudos/hits)?

 I really love and intend to return to the Michaelo series because it stretched me into M/M in Lucifer fandom and also doing an original love interest for Michael with Marcelo.

 4.     What work of yours has the most hits?

 A (Former) Archangel Walks into a Bar, but it’s also the longest.

 5.     What work of yours got more feedback than you expected?

 Cabin in the Woods got more feedback than I expected. I definitely feel like that’s one of the few one shots of mine/complete novel on its own, but people really wanted or did ask after it was done about sequels.

 6.     Favorite title you used

 Every Blessing Ignored is a Curse because I think it applies so acutely to an angel being saddled with having to control and deal with Fear as an ability.

 7.     If you use song lyrics, which artist’s songs did you pull from the most?

 I don’t usually do song lyrics, sorry.

 8.     Pairing you wrote the most for this year?

 Michaella (Michael Demiurgos/Ella Lopez)

 9.     Favorite pairing you wrote for this year?

 Michael/OMC because it was a stretch and something different to write. Also, I did a Lucella as well, and that was just really trying to do a different vibe as a writer as well, so that was fun to do a different thing and not be in a rut writing wise or same groove. But I do like writing a gay/queer Michael a lot.

 10.  What work was the quickest to write?

 Seis Abrazos is actually a novella-length story at over 20,000 words, but I wrote it in about three days. It just poured out of me randomly.

 11.  What work took you the longest to write?

 A (Former) Archangel Walks into a Bar. To be fair, this was started in 2020 but over 100,000 words of it was written in 2022. I think it took a long time both because it’s really emotional with a lot of parts setting up into the second novel, and just because it’s hard work to craft a relationship between Michael and Ella under really extenuating circumstances and through mutual trauma.

 12.  How many WIP’s do you have in your docs for next year?

 Lost count but far too many. I hope very much so to get things off my plate and be able to finish Michaella and Michaelo stuff for Fuckruary 2022 in February of 2023 and also get back to the “Devil and Trixie Espinoza” series as well. It all really depends!

 13.  What’s your longest work of the year?

 A (Former) Archangel Walks into a Bar. It comes in at about 170,000 words, and 102,000 of them were written this year.

 14.  What’s your shortest work of the year?

 Trust, the first Michael/OMC or Michael/Marcelo fic is only 2,066 words.

 15.  What WIP are you taking into next year with you?

 My three big ones are Every Blessing Ignored is a Curse, The Ruin of Souls, and A (Former) General is Expecting.

 16.  What’s your most common “Additional Tags” tag?

 Probably Michael/Ella and also AU or Alternate Universe tags, since a lot of my stuff really goes off the beaten path.

 17.  Your favorite character to write this year?

 Elaine. I enjoyed being inspired to write the Cousin Capers series of interconnected fics about Elaine and her cousins getting into mischief and Michael’s patience with them…mostly. Writing Elaine as a kid and pre-teen has been a delight. Also, it’s been fun because Michael is a soft, gooey dad and kind of a pushover for his “peanut.”

 18.  The character that gave you the most trouble writing this year?

 Probably Chloe Decker, who I have always struggled to get in her head space throughout fic. I don’t dislike her; I just never feel I get her voice down right. A close second would be the version of Michael in my The Ruin of Souls fic. There, he’s been sprung from Hell but become demonic and can’t remember things, even some language yet. So not having an automatically sarcastic, sort of Brooklyn-sounding Michael to draw on has been a challenge.

 19.  What’s one pairing you want to explore next year?

 One day, even if I’m not great I think at writing either character overall, I’d like to do a Maze/Chloe one-shot. I think they had a lot of chemistry the whole time that series. Either as a post s4 grieving thing or maybe even post-series, not sure.

 20.  Which work of yours have you reread the most?

 A (Former) Archangel Walks into a Bar but mostly because I had to get into that head space to pick up threads for and write part of the sequel.

 21.  How many kudos in total did you get this year?

 I don’t know, but I’ll say a lot or at least enough going back to count is not something I’m gonna do, lol.

 22.  Which work has the most comments?

 Technically, A (Former) Archangel Walks into a Bar has the most at over 700, but of the fics only written and started this year, the most is A (Former) General is Expecting.

 23.  Did you do any collaborative works this year?

 Not exactly, but I was inspired by chatting with JustAnotherFangirl69 over discord and some of the dialogues we came up with together got worked into Cousin Capers fics. Where I could, I attributed her dialogue and inspiration, but it hasn’t been a formal, co-writing partnership.

 24.  Did you write any gifts this year?

 Yes, I wrote a couple Cousin Capers for JustAnotherFangirl69 as well as a fic for a fandom fic exchange.

 25.  Did you receive any gifts this year?

 Yes.

 26.  What’s your most common category?

 Probably AU, angst, or family fluff. It depends on which series I’m working on!

 27.  What do you listen to while writing?

 Movies, actually. I put on a few movies that I’ve seen a lot and are terrible just to be background noise, and they tend to include I, Frankenstein, Underworld, and The Covenant.

 28.  Favorite work you wrote this year?

 Every Blessing Ignored is a Curse because even if it’s only partially done, it’s started me thinking about different things within the series: how the coliseum fight at the end of season 5 horrified and hurt Chloe and Lucifer, how bad a set of crimes that is to come back from, how the twins can ever learn or try to learn to relate to each other again, and also the kind of cost that would have on a nephil/child. Like the patterns of how history repeats itself, especially with Lucifer meaning well but his own son with Fear also becoming a pariah and isolated anyway.

 29.  Favorite line/passage you wrote this year?

 From the Epilogue of Seis Abrazos:

 “But we never have to go back to any of that, and the Host here love you…”

“I think they just are glad for reinforcements, but Remiel is teaching me all kinds of aerial stunts in training. I think she finds me interesting!”

Michael stilled at that. Somehow this Remi had glommed onto Ella, probably a novelty to have such a newbie to train again. He was keeping his distance, but one day, somehow, maybe he could get a chance to explain to her all the things…maybe she’d allow him to say everything he’d never said to his own sister. All his horror at how the struggle for Azrael’s blade had ended.

That small voice he still worked to shut up that said it should have been you…

Ella seemed to notice the dip in his mood and that light glittered over her, putting him at ease. “You good?”

“Always, chica.”

“I just…I still don’t get how this,” she said, holding up her hand, still silver and glowing, “opened up the ledger. I couldn’t have locked it. It makes no sense.”

“Neither did Rory coming back in time, messing around for weeks in our timeline, and then changing the course of Sam and Chloe’s future. Both are weird paradoxes, just like Charlie was Celestial enough for my…for the other universe’s Remiel to feel but not enough for Dad to be sure of. I think, maybe, that for once it’s beyond the Presence, something deeper, like the multiverse itself was trying to course correct. Not sure why, but you being the key to a book you never locked…it’s impossible, but it led to good things, like Charlie finally getting his wings or even Rory getting my brother to not only do his job but do it the right way.”

“Finally getting over twin resentment?”

He laughed and set both hands over her burgeoning belly. It wasn’t as far along as it was going to get, but she was almost four months and as this Raphael and also Raziel had confirmed, Ella had twins of her own percolating in there.

Michael fervently hoped they were not identical. That was…too hard, but whatever they were, he would love both of them as he knew she would. And the last thing they’d do would be to pit their twins against each other.

Ever.

Reluctantly, he let go of her and twisted around her. Leaning down, he kissed her cheek. “Mom doesn’t like being kept waiting in any universe, so let’s get cleaned up, chica.”

She snaked an arm around him and pulled him back for a kiss so deep, Michael was pretty sure he’d have to speed through a cold shower to be appropriate for dinner after all. “I love you, Michael.”

“Love you, too…actually,” he said, smiling, and it felt like he did that ear to ear most days now. “I love all three of you,” Michael finished, bending almost in half to plant a kiss to her belly.

And to the promise of new life both for their nascent family and for a war torn yet recovering realm.

 30.  Biggest surprise while writing this year?

 In a way, Trash Panda Translator, because the idea of a punished by his Dad, addled, and very literal for now raccoon!Michael is fun to write because he’s bonkers. However, I also really found that I enjoyed being inspired and playing around loosely with dialogue with JustAnotherFangirl69 to create Cousin Capers and its stories. So I think discovering more comedy was fun this year.

 Finally, I think that Every Blessing Ignored is a Curse surprises me because it has a lot of original characters in it (Deckerstar kids not just Rory) and because it really isn’t a grey Michael or an antihero Michael. He just flat out has been a villain and has to deal with the terrible crimes he committed. But, at the same time, he has to do all this while being heavily invested in protecting his nephew because no one was there to protect him or help him cope with Fear powers. A lot of projection, guilt, and themes of possible redemption in that fic. I did redemption in Cabin in the Woods, but this is at the micro-level, trying to repair familial relationships, and I don’t even know yet in the writing process if that’s possible.

[rickygoldman34]

Coming at you another Golden Blog.

Jacy Jane and Jazmyn Nyx vs Arianna Grace and Karmen Petrovic.

👍Good Points:

I like that Karmen got the win.

Jazmyn has really come a long way in a very short time.

👎Bad Points:

Very easily an NXT TV match.

North American championship.

👍Good Points:

Really good match.

Wes Lee certainly brought it.

Good storytelling match.

👎Bad Points:

Nothing.

Womens North American championship.

👍Good Points:

Good match.

Great that both Kelani and Sol was in this spot.

👎Bad Points:

This wouldn't have been out of place on NXT TV.

NXT Tag Team championship.

👍Good Points:

Good match here.

Neither tag team looked out of place.

👎Bad Points:

Tv match again.

NXT Womens championship.

👍Good Points:

Great storytelling match.

This was the best Lola has looked.

👎Bad Points:

I would have had Lola win.

NXT championship.

👍Good Points:

Great finish no one saw coming.

Great sequence of moves.

👎Bad Points:

I would have kept the title on Trick but fair enough.

I give it a rating of silver.

Ian's notes.

  Arianna Grace/Karmen Petrovic vs Jacy Jayne/Jasmin Nyx: Simple warm up match to get the crowd going, for their first-time teaming Grace and Petrovic had great chemistry as an odd couple tag team that you think wouldn’t work but they surprised me enough to get the win.

  NXT North American Mens Championship Match Oba Femmi (Champion) vs Wes Lee: Oba Femmi continues to show why he will be a star for many years, Wes Lee delivered one of his best performances as the Underdog trying to take the down the giant using many dives a frog splash and two attempts at the cardiac kick.  The Talking moment was when Femmi delivered a move similar to the F5.  Looking forward to seeing what Wes Lee’s next move is now that he’s out of the north American title scene.

  NXT North American Womens Championship Match Kilani Jordan (Champion) vs Sol Ruca:  The best of the two women’s matches on the card with fun spots and dives between the two former gymnasts who are fun to watch, each dive was nailed to perfection, hoping Kilani gets a long run.

NXT Tag Team Championship Match Axiom/Nathan Frazer (Champions) vs Chase U Andre Chase /Duke Hudson) with Riley Osbourne and Thea Hale.  We are seeing the signs that Axiom and Frazer are coming to a close with Frazer showing up late and wanting to compete for the Heritage Cup and Speed Championship with cost him to make mistakes and hitting Axiom, the team still fun to watch.  No sign of Ridge Holland who I though would have cost them the match, but they lost clean.  Match reminded me of how NXT was the best brand for Tag Team Wrestling.

NXT Womens Championship Match Roxanne Prez (Champion) vs Lola Vice: Vice felt a little green in the match especially with the botch taking one of the multiple Pop Rox’s but still held strong, she delivered some good back elbows and many great submission moves thanks to her background in Belator.  Future champion soon.

   NXT World Heavyweight Championship Fatal Four Way Match Trick Williams (Champion) vs Ethan Page vs J’Von Evans vs Shawn Spears: Probably the best Fatal four way from WWE, we saw two of Canadas stars working together before turning on each other, Spears getting a perfect 10 reaction as a call back from his Tye Dillinger days while going mad with a chair like his Chairman character.  J’Von Evans showing us why he’s the future of NXT and WWE with his high flying moves and dives. Trick Williams was the most over of the 4 men, loved the young and old mentorship between Trick and J’Von.  For the ending it looked like Shawn Michaels took inspiration from the ending of his fatal four way with Cena, Edge and Randy Orton at Backlash 2007.  After Ethan Page hits the Egos Edge on Trick Willimas J’Von Breaks it up Page takes his frustrations out on J’Von, goes 4 another Ego’s Edge which is broken up by Shawn Spears.  Williams hits the trick show on J’Von to knock down Spears and then another Page which sees him cover Evans for a 3 and new NXT Champion.

Overall

Better PLE than Money In The Bank, really felt like a Black And Gold Era NXT PPV.

10/10

Match Rankings

1.      WWE NXT Championship

2.      WWE NXT North American Men Championship

3.      WWE NXT North American Womens Championship

4.      WWE NXT Tag Team Championship Match

5.      WWE NXT Womens Championship Match

6.      Arianna Grace/Karmen Petrovic vs Gacy Jane/Jasmin Nyx

👇!!MY SOCIALS!!👇

[fyrefrostanimus]

Nightmare'd Evans

Even if these designs are nowhere near done (the only two designs of ANY of the Nightmares I have completely sketched are Nightmare Fredbear and Nightmare himself) I might as well post what I have as of Halloween!

So I always thought that Evan (or Chris, as he was known as for the longest time) ended up trapped in nightmare purgatory for some reason. Only when GoldenDuo came along did I really change my mind, but I still really like the idea even though he's my favorite character in FNaF. I guess that if I love a character, I make their life hell.

I already had a self-indulgent AU where the Nightmares stopped messing with him after a while (he no longer had a heartbeat, and that's what mostly got their attention). But I never really considered what would have happened in that context if he'd managed to get close to one of them. Really the little sketch I did of Nightmarionne Evan made me think about that and I decided to at least do the rest of the Nightmares (maybe the Jack-O's in November? still pumpkin pie season then) with that idea with some trivia about each one because I overthink this stuff a lot.

Should be very obvious that these aren't meant as canon. They're goofy little sketches that may end up as part of an AU. Who knows honestly.

There's going to be exposed bone/muscle in some of these and a fair bit of body horror at the end, but I'll put those under a cut since it's a minority compared to the rest.

Nightmare Chica'd Evan

Since I wanted to base Nightmare Chica in general on a velociraptor/vaguely raptor-like dinosaur, I could go absolutely nuts with this design. The main decision for Evan's design based on her was "does he have full hands connected to his arm wings or does he just have a widdle thumb that can't do much or anything?". I ended up settling for the latter because it's just funny to me.

Trivia

Evan can't fly but he sure thought he could at first. He's kinda peeved that he lost access to his fingers but isn't able to fly but he's at least figured out how to pick up a crayon and draw.

Those sharp claws on his feets can do serious damage so don't piss him off or scare him. Luckily he's more apt to bite.

Bouncing off that last point, being like this (like a lot of the other Nightmare'd designs) affects his fight-or-flight response. Here, Evan's more likely to defend himself with a bite before recoiling and asking himself what he just did.

Nightmare Bonnie'd Evan

I've always been iffy on the basic design for Nightmare Bonnie in general, since unlike the others there's no real inspiration you can draw from. There's Monty Python and the Holy Grail's killer rabbit, but he already has the personality and I wanted to keep the canon color scheme. The problem wasn't Evan's design but just Bonnie's.

Trivia

Evan can jump pretty high/far with the rabbit legs, so he can get around fast. You'd lose track of him easy and that's how he'll manage to spook you.

He will hear you coming. Don't even attempt to sneak up behind him because those radar dishes on his head will pick up on where you are and he'll look.

He has funny little fangies that often stick out of the corners of his mouth since they're too big to hide completely while also being comfortable for him.

Evan's much more likely to kick. With how strong his legs are it could break a bone if it hits the right spot. (He's basically a kangaroo)

Nightmare Freddy'd Evan

Not much to say here except that this would probably be the 2nd/3rd most easy Nightmare'd version for Evan to access. If he cuddles up with the Freddles enough he's pretty much just another of them.

Trivia

The tiny bear poof tail Evan has does wag when he's happy but you can only see it from behind.

Evan's main response to fear remains to curl up into a ball and cry. The difference is that you now have to deal with the papa bear.

Nightmare Fredbear'd Evan

The first complete sketch of the group! Another that would be pretty easy for Evan to access (mainly because these two are pretty closely connected with Nightmare Fredbear coming from Evan's fear of Fredbear). I kept Nightmare Fredbear's design close to canon, since I really liked most of the elements of his design and thought they made sense.

Trivia

Evan is really uncomfortable the mouth on his stomach. It doesn't do much, but he probably finds some way to tape it shut so he doesn't have to think about it.

His neck fluff is nice and warm, at least that's a plus.

Evan doesn't really have much of a fear response like this. He may jump a bit, but it's not something big like the other Nightmare'ds.

Nightmare'd Evan

How would Evan even get to this point, to be honest? Design-wise, I decided that Nightmare as a representation of death from the Bite of '83 was a good basis, but I'm not much of a fan of the semi-transparency with a brain inside. It's a cool detail but it's not my cup of tea. But since I can make my own design, I went for a tooth-centric idea. Unlike Nightmare Fredbear, Nightmare doesn't have an extra mouth: he just has a lot of teeth growing out of him like horns, spikes, or sometimes even armor. The head teeth specifically resemble a crown for the heck of it.

Trivia

Evan's little tooth crown is made up of basically baby teeth! If he were still aging they would probably fall out and grow bigger full-size ones, but that's not happening. Only the canines are actually long enough to show through his fluffy hair.

He has longer claws than the other Nightmare'ds, not counting Foxy's hook-claws.

He has two rows of teeth. It's definitely hard to see but they're there and they're still pretty sharp despite being smaller.

Evan defaults to intimidation in this design. He's a little to small to accomplish that, but he tries and that's what matters.

And now we're onto the one with exposed muscle/bone and body horror. The body horror is lower down, but both have the formerly mentioned anatomical attributes.

Nightmare Foxy'd Evan

You know how Nightmare Freddy and Nightmare Fredbear are tied/undecided on 2nd/3rd place? First place of easiest to access actually goes to Nightmare Foxy. Headcanon in this case is that so much of Nightmare Foxy's behavior comes from being jumpscared by an actual person that he feels compassion to a degree, so there's your explanation. Only other addition is that Nm. Foxy's eye covering is torn bedsheets.

Trivia

Evan has slightly longer claws on the hand where Nightmare Foxy's hook is than on the other hand.

He has catlike pupils that contract into slits when you shine a light into them suddenly. He hates sudden bright flashes since it screws up his vision for a bit afterwards.

The lack of skin around his mouth and only having the muscles needed to open and close his jaws makes him really bad at showing facial expressions (His remaining eye can still squint/close). Just look at the ears and tail to tell: he's like a dog.

He got the long tongue and has managed to stick it in his nose hole once. He hasn't done that since getting weird looks from everyone around him.

Evan's more likely to run like this. It's in Foxy's general nature to run around, so he probably has high energy (he'd love playing tag if anyone would end up visiting).

Nightmare Mangle'd Evan

It's body horror time again, folks! I guess getting bold for day 27 of Apoctober and attempting three heads paid off, since it makes drawing two easier. I knew I wanted Nightmare Mangle's design in general to look plain wrong. Mangle got screwed up in Kid's Cove, so why would the nightmare realistic version look any sort of normal? The heads aren't "one fox and one endo" but I thought the funhouse mirror/old circus freakshow idea fit the rather bright white-and-pink color better than anything else here.

Trivia

Evan definitely hates this Nightmare'd version the most. Sure, he doesn't like having a mouth on his stomach when he's Nightmare Fredbear'd, but a mouth that doesn't really do anything is way better than a whole other head that's essentially a younger brother attached to his body (on other terms, he's starting to understand why Michael didn't like being stuck watching him all day every day). And we haven't talked about the awkward way one of his legs splits at the knee (at least I think it's the knee but it's digitigrade legs and I can't quite tell), resulting in two other legs: one under his control, and the other under control of his other head. Plus the third arm pokes him in the face a lot and he can't actually stop it from trying.

His shirt actually rips when he ends up in this form, although if he were to switch to any other form somehow it would mend (ghost logic).

If you thought Nightmare Foxy'd Evan was bad at facial expressions, now he can't even blink so you have to rely on just body language to tell how he's feeling if he doesn't tell you.

If scared, Evan will just freeze and shiver like a chihuahua. He can't run as well, so maybe you won't see him if he doesn't move?

TL;DR please help him he wants some cuddles

If you have any questions about these, please ask. I'd love to talk about them or put them in silly situations (or just draw them in general).

[shiraishi-mai]

Things Heard by Team A's Manager

[inspired by the timeskip oneshot] [credit to incorrect quotes generator]

Hinata: You want some leftovers? Atsumu: What are those? Hinata: You've never had leftovers before? Atsumu: No, 'cause I'm not a quitter

Oikawa: Wait, you like me? For my personality? Hinata: I know, I was surprised too.

Sakusa, knocking on the door: Atsumu, open up! Atsumu: It all started when I was a kid Sakusa: That's not what I- Hinata: Let him finish!

Sakusa: Everyone knows that Santa is an invention designed by the big five corporations to sell tinsel and video games to an unsuspecting public. Suna: The whole "childhood wonder" stage just blew right past you, didn't it?

Suna: I wish I was a cat, not in a furry kinda way, more like a "I can sleep all day and hit people with no consequences" kinda way

Romero: I do two things and two things only. I devastate sorry motherfuckers and get shit done as an awesome leader.

Suna: God has let me live another day and I'm going to make it everyone's problem.

*Iwaizumi watching Atsumu and Oikawa interact* Iwaizumi: I'm feeling it! What am I feeling? Death, probably

Atsumu: I'm a bad person. I'm a very bad person, I'm a horrible person. Team A: Atsumu: No you're not, 'Tsumu! We still love you, 'Tsumu!

Sakusa: But when all hope seemed lost, I had an epiphany! Sakusa, earlier: I'm going to throw myself into the sea.

*out grocery shopping* Suna: *takes a free sample twice* Suna: Robbery and Fraud. I am a Rebel.

Hinata: *running towards Sakusa with open arms* Sakusa: *moves out of the way* Hinata: Hey, why'd you move? Sakusa: I thought you were going to attack me. Hinata: I was going to hug you! Sakusa: Why would you hug me? Hinata: WHY WOULD I ATTACK YOU!?

Iwaizumi, looking at a self of Oikawa: I hate this photo. Oikawa: I'm cute as fuck in that photo! I'm smiling kindly. Iwaizumi: You're not smiling kindly; you look like you're up to something. Oikawa: Up to kindness.

Atsumu: Remember, Aran, don't do anything I wouldn't do ;) Aran: I think I crossed that line when I got a date.

Hinata, very tired: Can I sleep in your bed? Oikawa: *half asleep* Hinata, this is a queen-sized bed. That means it's for *gestures vaguely to himself* the Queen.

Iwaizumi: What is Atsumu crying on the floor? Romero: He took one of those 'what player are you?' quizzes. Iwaizumi: And? Romero: He got Oikawa.

Suna: There's nothing worse than people using big words they don't understand. Hinata: I photosynthesize with this.

Oikawa, confused and exasperated: Suna, how do you plan on telling a bear to go vegan?? Suna: Politely.

Atsumu: Fuck capitalism. It's a rigged system that keeps us poor and it isn't fair. You shouldn't need to work three jobs to afford basic necessities. Oikawa, playing Monopoly: Sorry, if you wanted to win you should have tried not being poor.

Romero: So, are you two friends? Oikawa: Yes. Iwaizumi: No.

[marvelouspeterparker]

professor’s sweetheart

pairing: professor!tom holland x student!reader

summary: professor holland teaches british literature at your university. you hadn’t expected much when you signed up for the course, but the experience is everything and more than you could have hoped for. 

word count: 15.1k

warnings: there is smut in here but it’s not the main focus (wild, i know)

notes: uh yeah i’d say just don’t fuck your professor? this is purely fictional. be safe, you know how it is <3

also she wrote a professor!harry styles fic, but if i hadn’t read that (over and over) i probably wouldn’t have been inspired to write this. so check out @songbirdstyles​ !

i listened to this playlist while writing it if ur interested :)

give me feedback please!!

“What class do you have next?” Your friend, and roommate Liz asked. You were both walking out of the cafeteria. It was 1:15, you had just finished lunch and you had fifteen minutes until your next class. You pushed the doors open together and braced yourselves as the cool late September breeze hit you, blowing your jackets open. You put both sides of the jacket together in front of you and crossed your arms to block the cold out. 

“Um,” you thought back for a moment, the cold temporarily knocking your senses right out of you. “British Literature.”

If you were being honest, you had taken this course because it fulfilled one of your requirements, but in the end it felt like one of the most rewarding parts of your college experience so far. The material was interesting, and instead of being bored out of your mind throughout the whole hour and a half of class––it was actually entertaining. You had your professor to thank for that.

“Oooh,” Liz twisted her lips to the side to suppress a knowing smile, but the look in her eyes gave it away. “With Professor Holland?” She asked, batting her eyelashes innocently. 

You rolled your eyes and bit your tongue to hide your smile. “Yes,” you shoved her playfully to the side making her step in a pile of leaves, the crunch under boots loud as ever as it carried through the crisp air. “Shut up.”

You and Liz had been roommates since your first year at university and had now spent four, coming up on five semesters rooming together. Luckily, you really hit it off, and easily fell into a routine together, forming a bond as you ate lunch and dinner together, studied in the library, had dance parties in your dorm, and more. You knew each other inside and out, often having random late night conversations while you procrastinated your work or couldn’t sleep, about literally anything and everything. Bottom line is, you trusted each other, which is why she knew about your sort-of-crush on Professor Holland. 

To be fair everyone had a thing for him, he was just that kind of guy. He was sweet and compassionate and funny. Professor Holland was one of those genuine professors who sincerely cared about their students and their well-beings. He was incredibly understanding. He’d schedule dozens of meetings with his students all in one day just because he wanted to help and make sure they were all alright. He liked to check in every now and then, not because he had to, but because he wanted to.

From what you could tell he also seemed like a people person. No matter who he was with, whether it was a student, his teaching assistant Jacob, or his fellow professors––he was always attentive, cracking jokes, enjoying the conversation. Everyone seemed to love him. But you could also tell that a part of him was just a tad bit cocky, but in a joking and love-able way. 

All this goes to show that you spent way too much time thinking about him, and observing him, which could either be seen as really endearing or really creepy. 

“Look I’m just saying,” Liz shrugged, “Enjoy the class.” She nudged you, “I know I would.”

Realizing you were approaching the writing and arts center, and Liz’s next class was in the building across the street, you sent her off. “Yeah yeah, okay. Bye.” You tightened your arms around you and scurried off, skipping a crack in the sidewalk and walking up the steps to the building. You opened the door and were immediately welcomed by a rush of warm air and let out a sigh, rubbing your hands together as you made your way to the lecture hall. 

You pulled your phone out and checked the time, 1:22. You still had 8 minutes to spare. You were still walking and only glanced up from your phone right as you were about to walk into the door and were stopped suddenly when you crashed into a hard chest. You immediately felt two warm hands grasp your arms to steady you and were suddenly enveloped by the smell of tea and mint. 

“Woah! I’m sorry, love, are you alright?”

You froze as you looked up, feeling very much like a deer in headlights as you realized you quite literally crashed into your professor. “Oh––um,” you swallowed, suddenly feeling like the air was escaping you. You cleared your throat trying to save yourself from anymore embarrassment. “I’m fine––I’m sorry, that was my fault. I wasn’t looking––” You paused when you noticed the small smile on his face, his warm eyes making you forget what you were going to say.

“It’s alright, Y/N. It was partially my fault as well, I was too focused on––” he seemed to snap out of some trance, straightening himself up as his hands dropped back down to his sides and into his pockets. “Uh, well that’s not important.” He pulled one hand out of his pocket––he was wearing those blue slacks that you thought made his thighs look great, respectfully, of course. He checked the time on his watch and you had to stop yourself from ogling the veins in his arms as he did so. 

He looked up at you, brows furrowed playfully and you actually had to remind yourself to breathe. “You’re almost ten minutes early. You that eager to see me?” He ended his question with a teasing smirk and your mouth opened and closed a few times before you managed to string together a response.

“I––um, I just really like this class and you––you’re my favorite professor.” You blurted out, your cheeks heating up as you realized what you just admitted. You had to force your eyes to go back to their normal size after they practically bulged at the realization of what you said. “And I mean, I just happened to get here early so...I thought I might as well get settled in.”

Your professor cleared his throat, trying to hide his smile as he glanced down at his shoes for a moment then back up at you. “Well then.” He extended his arm, pointing towards the open door of the hall and stepped aside. “Please, after you.” 

You gave him a small smile in return along with a quiet thank you and stepped through the door. But before you could walk over to your seat, you felt him lean over behind you to talk lowly in your ear. He was standing a respectably close distance, but his presence was so overwhelming it was as though you felt him everywhere. His breath caressed the smooth skin of your cheek as he spoke. 

“I’m technically not allowed to have favorites, but I do appreciate that you enjoy having me as your professor, darling.” It shouldn’t have had such an effect on you, really, it shouldn’t have. But something about him referring to himself by his title really did something to you. You took a sharp inhale as you stood up straight, your whole body on high alert as you turned your head towards him, your eyes refusing to look at his and instead finding solace in the fabric of his navy blue button up––which he’d rolled up to his forearms. 

“And if it means anything, I rather do enjoy having you in my class as well.” You snuck a peek at him, lifting your gaze slowly and only caught a glimpse of his soft lips as he smiled before walking over to his desk. 

You felt your heart pounding in your chest as you walked up the steps to your usual spot in the middle row, near the aisle. Your legs felt like they were going to give out any minute, and the man hadn’t even touched you––well not in the way you wanted him to, anyway. But enough of that. 

You checked your phone again, trying to calm down your heartbeat as you took in a deep breath, 1:28. People started shuffling into the class, the overlapping sounds of chatter and laughter rupturing the energy the room had when it was just the two of you. At 1:32 Professor Holland started the class, getting everyone’s attention smoother than anyone should be able to. You could almost feel everyone’s eyes focusing on him, some weren’t even listening to him, they were just so entranced by how good he looked and the way he sounded––his accent was just so endearing, you had to admit it. 

The hour and a half went by rather quickly but today you were more aware of yourself, of Professor Holland––even more than usual. It seemed as though his eyes would travel to your direction more often, after he made jokes as if to see your reaction, or while he paused in his speeches. 

At the end of the class, despite there being dozens of other students moving around you, you felt as though your professor was watching you as you made your way out of the room. But it had to be your imagination, there was just no way. 

When you got back to your dorm, Liz still wasn’t back yet so you decided to take a shower and spend some time relaxing. You had already done your work for the next day and your other work for the rest of the week––well, you decided you’d do it later. 

You changed into sweats after your shower and hopped on your bed, deciding to switch between your apps for an hour or so––honestly you’d lost track of time. Liz strolled in soon after, closing the door with a loud groan, throwing her bag on the floor.

You smiled, looking up at her from your lying position on the bed. “Hello to you too.”

She grumbled in response, finally looking at you. When she noticed you were already wearing your pajamas she pointed to you, her brows raised. “Good idea!” She immediately went to her drawers and picked out a random pair of sweats and an oversized sweatshirt, changing with lightning speed for someone who was sluggishly groaning not even a minute before. 

She grabbed her phone and sat on her bed opposite yours, cross-legged, facing you. She looked at your face for a few seconds before squinting her eyes at you. “You have something to say. Spill.”

You rolled your eyes, a smile on your face. 

She looked at you pointedly, “Well go on.” 

So you told her about your encounter with the infamous brit today, how you bumped into him, what he said to you, the glances he sent your way. When you finished recounting everything you took a deep breath, “But––this could all just be in my head you know, just me overreacting.”

She stared at you with a dead expression. “Are you fucking dumb?”

“Hey!”

She ignored you, rolling her eyes while she tried not to laugh. “Dude he totally wants to fuck you.” She said nonchalantly.

Your eyes bulged, “W–What do you––What?” 

“Oh please, it’s so obvious.”

You opened your mouth but when nothing came out, you paused and looked down at the carpet. After a few moments you looked back up at her to find her with a knowing smirk on her face. “Are you serious?”

“Of course I am, when am I not?” When you were about to speak, she interrupted you. “Don’t answer that. But look, it seems like he’s into you. I think you should hit that.”

“But we––that’s not allowed!” You paused, “Is it?”

She laughed, “A ha! So you do want to!”

“Oh shut up, you already knew that. Everyone wants to, it’s not a big deal.”

She made a face, “Yes, but you’re the only one who actually has a chance at getting it.” 

You looked at her, a skeptical look on your face. “Even if that was true––he’s still my professor…”

She sighed, rolling her eyes. “Yeah but it’s not like it’s in the handbook or anything. Plus, you’re both legal adults, so. There you have it. You’re free to bone.”

“You did not just say that.”

“But I did.” She smiled, lying down in her bed. “You really could, though. Just don’t tell anybody.” When you didn’t say anything else, she spoke up. “Okay I’m gonna take a nap now. You have a lot to think about.” 

You ignored the last part and went back to your phone, “Yeah you do that.” 

Throughout the rest of the afternoon and night you couldn’t stop thinking about this whole situation. This was bad...Or was it? It seemed all too complicated, that was for sure. You weren’t even sure he looked at you or thought of you that way. 

You fell asleep playing all the pros and cons of hypothetically getting with him, your mind an endless loop of your professor, his voice, how he sounded when he practically whispered that he liked being your teacher. This was all too much.

❊❊❊❊

All of your senses were in overdrive. All you could feel were the hands tracing every curve of your body, playing you like a toy they’d made themselves. The tongue, teeth and lips following and leaving marks everywhere the hands traced. All you could hear was that sweet, rough voice telling you praises and calling you endearing names as your whole body shivered from the pleasure. Your eyes locked in on the ones staring up at you with pure hunger and awe as you ground yourself down on his cock.

“That’s it darling, just like that. You’re doing so good for me.” His lips curved into that oh so familiar smirk. “I taught you well, didn’t I?”

You woke up sweaty, your shirt sticking to your torso, a wet patch on your panties, your nipples pebbled in the cool air of your dorm room. A sex dream. Of course you had a fucking sex dream about him. Fuck. You were just lucky that your next class with him was on Thursday so you didn’t have to see him today. Because that would not help you at all. 

You checked the time on your phone, squinting at the brightness before turning it all the way down, 10am. You got out of bed with a groan and took your toiletries bag and your towel to the bathroom, deciding to take a shower this morning, instead of later on at night. Lord knows you certainly needed one. A cold one too.

You were frustrated, frustrated with yourself for feeling this way about your professor––sure, he was only a few years older than you, but it was the principle of the matter––frustrated that you were overthinking this entire thing, and most importantly you were annoyed because you were extremely horny. 

When you got into the bathroom, you locked the door and set your stuff down. You put your hands on both sides of the sink and looked at yourself in the mirror. Who are we and what happened? You sighed and grabbed your toothbrush, brushing your teeth quickly and aggressively, since everything seemed to be a hassle this morning. You’d hoped that once you hopped in the shower, you’d calm down. 

When you made your way inside, you sighed contently at the feeling of the warm water pattering against your skin, freshening you up immediately. Your nipples were still hard, between your legs still wet. So you brought a hand down between your thighs, the other to your breast as you stood under the water––almost as though the water was washing away the sinful act and thoughts right at the source. You laughed at the thought, nope, nothing can wash this away. 

You squeezed your breast and tugged at your nipple, rubbing your sensitive bud just the way you liked. You were still sensitive from...your dream, so it didn’t take long for everything to build up. You couldn’t help yourself, your mind brought back the remnants of last night that you remembered, the way his hands gripped you when he steadied you, the way his arms looked, and you came with a whimper that was louder than you would have liked. You bit your lip, closing your eyes and resting your head back on the tiles as the water continued to fall on you. 

When you came back to your dorm, Liz was on her way out but she stopped, raising her brows at you, “So have you come to a conclusion?”

You walked past her into the dorm, “Go to class, Liz.” You heard her cackle down the hallway as you closed the door. 

You got dressed casually, not rushing since there was nowhere for you to go and decided to go to the local cafe near the school. You needed to clear your head and get some work done, and you definitely would not get any of it done in your dorm. Not today, anyway. 

You checked the weather and seeing that it was a little warmer today, you put a sweatshirt on, grabbed your bag along with your phone and your laptop and you were on your way. The breeze felt refreshing this morning as you stepped out of your dorm. Your walk to the cafe was only ten or so minutes but it felt good. 

Stepping into the little shop, you were immediately hit by the aroma of coffee and sweets, surrounded by the sound of light chatter and utensils clattering on the wooden tables. The warm light above you brought a sense of comfort as you made your way over to the counter. The line was rather short so you managed to order your usual drink and snack quickly. As you were waiting for the cashier to hand you your things, your eyes scanned the shop––the ambience was rather nice and the talking almost felt like background noises. You wouldn’t mind staying here to work.

As you gathered your things, you turned around in search of a free table––which would be the deciding factor in whether or not you would stay, you did not want to awkwardly share the small table space with some stranger. You took a few steps into the seating area and almost choked on your breath when you made eye contact with the last person you wanted to see today. 

He smiled charmingly at you, teeth and all and quickly made his way over before you even had a chance to think of escaping. “Y/N!” He stood in front of you, his eyes bright. He was actually happy to see you? He was always happy to see everyone, it didn’t mean anything. 

His voice snapped you out of your annoyingly loud thoughts.  “Fancy seeing you here.” He nudged you playfully, “How are you?” He was wearing a very tight white button up that was unbuttoned until the third, showing a generous amount of his chest, a grey suit and pants, along with a messenger bag slung over his shoulder. It took you a few more seconds than it should have to process that there were actual words coming out of his mouth.  

You forced a smile onto your face but the more you looked into his eyes, the more genuine it became, almost impossible to wipe off. “I’m good. Was just grabbing breakfast before I start my work. You?”

He raised his cup, “Same as you. Have a bit of time before my next class.” 

You noticed that you couldn’t tell what exactly was in the cup and your curiosity got the better of you. You pointed to the cup clasped in his fingers, “Is that coffee?”

He furrowed his brows in mock offense, “I only drink tea, darling.” He leaned his upper body forward to whisper to you, his cheek almost touching yours, “I’d think you would know that about your favorite professor.” He tutted playfully as he stood up straight again, watching you, a look that you couldn’t quite pinpoint in his eyes as he watched you over his cup, taking a teasingly long sip. 

You looked up at him, your mouth slightly open, not a clue what to respond. When he pulled the cup away from his mouth he looked down at you, his gaze drifting down and you’d never felt more exposed, despite the fact that you were wearing two layers of clothing. “I like your sweatshirt.” He smiled, glancing down at it before looking directly into your eyes, his head lowered slightly.

Your eyes widened in surprise and your head snapped down to see your spiderman sweatshirt looking back at you boldly. Oh––Oh. You lifted your head back up to find him still smiling at you softly, he didn’t seem to be teasing you at all. “Um thanks.” You could feel your cheeks heating up, despite the cool air that swept your legs as someone opened the door to the cafe. “Are you uh–– a marvel fan?” 

He pursed his lips playfully, “Yeah,” his hand came up to rub the back of his neck, “Yeah you could say that.” He licked his lips and took another sip of his drink.

Your eyes, with a mind of their own, trailed down the column of his throat, following the vein on the side of his neck, the way his adams apple bobbed as he swallowed the warm liquid. The action almost seemed provocative, in both meanings of the term. 

Suddenly you felt very hot and you knew that you had to get out of there before you made a fool of yourself in front of everyone, but most importantly him. You perked up, “I uh––I have to go professor, but it was nice talking with you. See you tomorrow!” With that you quite literally ran off, wincing as you turned around, having noticed the way his lips parted as if to speak, a furrow between his brows appearing out of confusion and concern. You really had to get control of yourself. 

You practically berated yourself as you speed walked away. God, that was so stupid. And not to mention, incredibly rude! He’d probably be upset with you now, or maybe even mad. It’s just––unbelievable what he did to you, without even actually doing anything. It took you the entire walk there to realize that you unconsciously made your way back to your dorm––so much for the library. But you’d had enough social interaction for today, so you decided you’d stay there.

You got in your bed and buried yourself under the covers, deciding you needed the comfort of being hidden in your mattress after the embarrassment you’d just experienced. You lied there just staring at the plain, white ceiling for way too long until you let out a loud huff and sat up, before grabbing your computer to start your work. 

Deciding to check your college email before you started, since they were incessant and it was easy to miss something, you scanned down the list of messages in your inbox. Your eyes skimmed through the boxes on the left of your screen, notifications that your professors left feedback on your assignments, the weekly newsletter, club events, a message from Holland, Tom––

You shut your computer immediately, eyes bulging as you held your breath. You swallowed thickly, as you stared into nothing in front of you, your eyes barely taking in anything, your mind a big ball of fuzz. 

After taking a few deep breaths, and telling your overdramatic brain to calm down, you opened the laptop again. Biting your lip, you hovered your mouse over the message, reading over the small bits of information you could see in the preview.

Holland, Tom

Just checking in

Hi Y/N, I just wanted to make  …

You could feel your heart beating through your chest. Oh God––Wanted to make sure what?? The sensible part of your brain said to just open it to figure it out for yourself. But the irrational, idiotic part of your brain was yelling at you to not open it under any circumstance. What if he wanted to make sure you didn’t get the wrong idea? Did he know how you felt about him? Were you that obvious? Maybe he thinks you’re clinically insane and wants to make sure you’re getting the attention you need? You did run off like a crazy person, after all. 

You shut your eyes tight and groaned loudly into your hands. Liz walked in and whistled lowly, taking in everything in front of her. You looked up, confused and looked at the time, realizing it had already been two hours since you first left the dorm, meaning she was done with her classes for the day.

“What’s up?” She took a seat at her desk, propping her legs on the table as she leaned back.

You waved her off, deciding it would be best to let this blow over and ignore it for now. You’d go back when you were in the right state of mind. 

She started telling you about her day and annoyingly, your brain decided today would be the day that it would not shut off. Your brows were furrowed as you tried your best to focus on what your friend was saying, but she wasn’t even looking in your direction, staring up into the air above her as she spoke animated, hands waving around, so she didn’t even notice you struggling to pay attention. 

Your eyes kept flitting back to the screen of your computer, your fingers swiping across the trackpad to turn it back on when the screen’s brightness lowered every now and then. 

Liz looked back at you and stopped her spiel. “Alright what’s up with you?” 

You sighed deeply and looked up at her. “Sorry, sorry. I just––I saw Professor Holland today––”

“Already?” She interrupted you, a goofy smile on her face. “Damn, you work fast.”

You threw the nearest pillow at her, “Shut up! I didn’t fuck him.”

“You should’ve.” She pointed out, holding the pillow to her chest. 

You glared at her until she raised her hands in surrender, then continued, your eyes bouncing from object to object in the room as you babbled. 

“I went to the cafe and I saw him and he came over to me and we started talking––and he whispered in my ear and he was joking around with me and he sipped his tea and he was super close to me and super hot, and I couldn’t handle it so I basically ran off without giving him a chance to say bye.” You took a deep breath, “And then he sent me an email after I saw him and I still haven’t opened it because I’m scared and I don’t know what he said…” You took another breath and looked at your friend, blinking as she just stared at you.

After a moment, she spoke up. “Dude just open the email.”

Your eyes widened almost in offense. “Did you not listen to anything I just said?”

“Yeah you practically fucked in the cafe then you got scared and ran away.” She spoke nonchalantly and you could tell she was fighting off a smile. “Look, eventually you have to open the email anyway, you can’t just ignore it. So just do it and rip the bandaid off.” You were about to speak up when she interrupted you, “I promise it won’t be half as bad as you think. We both know your mind is absolutely filled with the craziest ideas.” 

You huffed and fell back down on the bed, not bothering to argue since you both knew she was right. 

“Shit, I’m starving.” She looked at the time, “Yeah it’s about time for me to eat food.” She stood up, “Come on, let’s go.”

“Can you please get something for me?” She knew you well enough that you didn’t have to tell her what to get. You gave her your best smile and shrugged your shoulders.

“Are you serious.” She looked at you, deadpan, standing like the little emoji of the woman standing in place with her arms at her sides. 

You had to suppress your smile, “What if I see him?” You asked incredulously, lying further in the covers. “I’d rather stay in here and hide, for now.”

“You have class with him tomorrow––”

“That’s why I said for now.”

She cracked a smile, rolling her eyes as she grabbed her things, “You’re ridiculous.”

“Love you!”

“Yeah yeah,” she waved her hand and walked out the door. 

A few moments passed after Liz left and you sat up yet again, putting your computer on your lap as you swiped the trackpad, making the screen light up again. You checked the time, it had been almost an hour since he sent the email, you really shouldn’t make him wait any longer. Not that he’s waiting at all, he probably didn’t even notice that you hadn’t responded.

You inhaled and exhaled slowly, swallowed your nerves and clicked on the email. 

Holland, Tom

Just checking in

Hi Y/N, 

I just wanted to make sure everything was alright. You seemed kind of stressed when you left earlier and I’m hoping it wasn’t because of anything I did. Can we check in tomorrow in my office? Hope everything is going well. 

Warmest Regards,

Professor Holland

He wanted to meet tomorrow after class. In his office. Alone. 

Oh, fuck. You could hear Liz in your head going Yes, fuck. But you quickly shoved her aside. 

You read over the email about five times to make sure you weren’t misinterpreting anything, because that would be even more embarrassing. You clicked the reply button and slowly wrote out your response.

Hi Professor Holland,

Everything is fine, but thank you for asking, I appreciate the concern. I’m free tomorrow after class if you’re available then.

Thank you!

Y/N

You hit send and not even two minutes later, you received a response. 

Hi Y/N,

Perfect! I’ll see you then :)

Warmly,

Professor Holland

How on earth were you supposed to focus on your work now? More importantly, how were you going to focus in class tomorrow?

❊❊❊❊

The next day, the butterflies in your stomach would not calm down. When you stepped into the class, he was talking to another student and you tried to sneak past to your seat unnoticed. You thought you’d succeeded but once you sat down and looked up, you made direct eye contact with him and you swear you stopped breathing. You barely even recognized the sound of everyone moving around you, getting ready for class to start. 

He parted his lips and reluctantly turned back to the student still talking to him, snapping out of his daze, but not after glancing back at you. You swallowed and sank down in your seat. This was going to be a long class. 

At 1:35, class started. Professor Holland stood up and clasped his hands, making his way to the middle of the floor in front of everybody, his voice reverberating through the room. 

“Good afternoon everybody. Hope you’re all doing well.” His eyes found yours and you bit your lip nervously. You could see him swallow as he watched you, before moving his gaze elsewhere. Was that because of you? Surely, it had to be a coincidence. Maybe you made him uncomfortable. Oh great––

He went on, seemingly unfazed, eyes darting back to you subtly before continuing. The discussion soon turned to the book you’d just been assigned to read. The book was rather lengthy but there were always so many things to talk about within only a few pages––which you loved, so it was taking you all a while to go through everything together in class. 

The conversations often took up a lot of the class time since Professor Holland simply loved talking and he always found everyone’s interpretations interesting and worth exploring––eager to hear our classmates perspectives. He also often said that he was not good at using technology, so he preferred to just talk and show rather than use his computer. Honestly, you found it endearing.

The conversations were always interesting to listen to, people never failed to give you insight on things you hadn’t even thought of before, but sometimes––some people were just a little stupid.

Someone brought up a slightly sexist point that made absolutely no sense but since you weren’t the one to call someone out in front of a room full of people, you stuck to your facial reactions instead of audibly responding. You turned back to the front of the class to see Professor Holland’s opinion to find that he was watching you, trying and failing to suppress his smile. 

He put both hands in his pockets which you found ironic considering they would jump out any time soon––he loved to talk with his hands. His eyes got serious, the smile on his face a little less friendly as he addressed the sophomore who made the comment. “I don’t know if you’re aware of how ludicrously sexist that comment you just made was, but now you know.” He turned to the rest of the class. “Remember to think before you speak. This isn’t to necessarily call anyone out. It’s a warning. Senseless remarks will not only affect my view of you, but your grades as well.” 

He went on and tried to shape the boy’s comment into something appropriate to discuss and you honestly couldn’t focus on anything else he said, you were just looking at him in awe and in shock. Sure, this was the bare minimum, but since it was so rare to see, it was very noticeable and even impressive when you noticed it.

God, you adored this man.

Near the end of class, he announced the next assignment, a paper you’d have to write about a comparison you made between any point in the story, a character, a theme, a hidden meaning, etc. and something in our modern reality, a social norm, a popular belief, etc. Your essays were always very open ended in this class, giving you room to write about almost anything you wanted to. Your professor knew that the assignments would be more enjoyable if there was some choice involved. He truly was good at his job. 

“Look, reading’s hard sometimes, I get it. I’m dyslexic, so trust me, I understand. But I never let that stop me.” He paused to look around the room and it was so silent you could hear each other’s inhales and exhales. The power he had over a room full of around one hundred people was insane, and in a weird way, also turned you on. “I know the book is massive. Listen to the audio books if you have to, I don’t mind. But get the work done either way. It’s not for me, it’s for you. I want you to get the best grade you can in this class.”

“Bring me interesting material. I don’t want to fall asleep reading your work.” He joked and smiled proudly when laughter filled the room. “The essay is due in two weeks. Good luck.”

There were a few thank you’s and goodbyes scattered around the room as he sent everyone off, people scurrying from all sides to the exits. 

You took your time gathering all your things and took a deep breath when the last few people made their way out, silence soon surrounding the both of you. You put your bag over your shoulder and walked down the carpeted steps, suddenly finding the dark grey pattern to be the most interesting things you’ve ever seen––and also watching your steps so that you don’t fall down them in front of him. You could barely hear the soft patter of your shoes as you walked down. When you finally got the main floor you looked up and saw him waiting for you patiently, things in his hands, a smile on his face. 

“Let’s go then, shall we?” You nodded shyly and he led the way, his office only a hallway away from the lecture hall. You found it slightly odd that he didn’t try to make conversation on your way there, since he always loved to. But you tried not to think too hard about it. Maybe he was just tired. 

When you reached his office, he opened the door and let you walk in first. Your eyes immediately scanned the room out of curiosity as you stepped inside, noticing his desk, the wood a dark mahogany which was covered with stacks of papers, picture frames, pens, and a few marvel funko pops––so he really was a fan. You’d never actually been inside of his office before. It was an intimidating thought for you to be in his office with him, alone. You just didn’t want to embarrass yourself. 

You turned to him and gestured to the chair across from his desk, “Do I just––”

“Please,” he interrupted eagerly. “Make yourself comfortable.” 

You took a seat and he set his things down next to his desk before sitting as well. His hair was coiffed to perfection today, curls sculpted nicely, a dark blue suit on his body with a black shirt underneath. He took off the suit jacket and put it on the back of his chair and you could see his veins and muscles bulging and shifting in his arms as he moved. He clasped his hands in front of him on the desk and wow he had nice fingers. You really had to get a grip on yourself––

“How was class today for you? Well, besides that one disappointing comment.”

You smiled, “I always enjoy the class, but yeah that was uh, disappointing as you said.

“I think your interpretations are always very insightful and very interesting. It’s almost a shame that you don’t share them with the whole class but part of me likes it that we keep them between us.” Oh? “Plus, I know how scary it can be talking in front of all those people. I almost shit myself first time I taught that class––”

You let out a surprised laughter and he couldn’t help laugh as well. 

“Shit, sorry! I mean––” He sighed, “Language, sorry. I’m British.” He shrugged, “Can’t help it.”

You shook your head, “It’s okay. Personally I think curse words spice up conversations.” You smiled proudly when he laughed at your joke. 

His smile radiated a more nervous energy after his laughter died off. “When you ran off yesterday, that wasn’t––was that because of me? Because if I did something to make you uncomfortable I’m so sorry.”

You tilted your head, trying to think of a way to explain. “No it wasn’t, well––it kind of was?” You had no idea why you would tell him this, but apparently your mouth was moving without agreeing with your mind first. 

There was almost a pout on his face and you had the sudden urge to reach over the table and smooth it out with your lips. “It’s just, well––You make me just a little bit nervous, to be honest professor.” You looked down at your lap and back up at him timidly.

He raised his brows, “Oh––”

Your smile was strained and you wanted nothing more than to be swallowed whole by the floor. 

“Well that’s not a bad thing, is it?” He looked at you almost, hopefully?

You laughed, “No trust me, it’s not.” Your eyes widened at the realization of what you’d basically just admitted to him and you didn’t know if you should feel embarrassed or relieved when the smirk appeared on his face.

But the words that he uttered next cleared that up for you. “Well, if I’m honest, you make me nervous too, darling. And definitely not in a bad way.” He leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms, almost teasing you with how good he looked.

You licked your lips, your mouth suddenly feeling dry, crossing your legs, your thighs squeezing together, and he definitely noticed, his eyes trailing down your body as he licked his lips as well. 

The tension in the room was so thick but you found that you didn’t want to escape it, if anything you wanted to carve your way through it, stay for as long as you could until it snapped. 

Your professor spread his legs, his hands coming down to rub at his thighs as he watched you and the sound of your heartbeat pounding filled your ears. It was almost as if there was an unseen force pulling the two of you together, but before it could there was a knock at the door. 

The both of your heads snapped to the door to find it opening slowly. Jacob, Tom’s teaching assistant popped his head in. You had talked to him a few times, he was always very nice. He didn’t attend every class, but you guessed that he would be attending the next one. “Hey man.” He turned to you and smiled, “Oh hi Y/N.” You waved and let out a small hi in response. He turned back to the professor. “Your next class is starting like––” He looked at his watch. “Now.” 

“Shit, sorry man. Lost track of time.” He got up and you did too, smiling sheepishly as you grabbed your things, getting up from your seat. “I’ll be right there.” Jacob nodded and closed the door.

You both made your way over to the exit slowly, still reeling from what maybe could have happened and what you both obviously thought of. The silence was loud around you, but it wasn’t scary this time. 

“Let me know if you need any help with the upcoming assignment, alright? Don’t be afraid to stop by if you need to.” His gaze dropped down to your lips for a split second before reaching your eyes again. “For anything.” He looked at you with an expression you couldn’t describe but quickly tried to mask it with a smile as he opened the door for you, his eyes practically holding yours captive. 

“Thank you, professor. I will.” 

You stepped out and he watched you for a few moments before closing the door. You looked back, smiling as you caught his eye and as soon as he stepped back in the office, you practically ran out of the building and to your dorm, a stupid grin on your face. 

“Holy shit.”

❊❊❊❊

When you practically burst into your dorm room, scaring Liz half to death before you told her what happened, let’s just say she wasn’t surprised in the slightest.

“I fucking told you!” She flopped onto her bed, still staring at you pointedly as she did so, a smirk on her face. She pointed at you before dropping her hand down dramatically by her side. “You like, owe me a soda now or something.” 

You rolled your eyes but you were so giddy the smile still hadn’t dropped from your face. “Well I do owe you for getting me lunch yesterday, so maybe I will buy you one.”

❊❊❊❊

Over the weekend, you started working on the essay for British Literature and you were already about halfway done since the topic you chose actually interested you. But you found yourself questioning if you were writing it properly as you went on. You weren’t sure if it was because you wanted it to be near perfect since you’d found out he paid extra attention to you, or maybe you just wanted to talk to him again––you’d never know. 

After discussing with Liz, you decided you’d stop by his office on Monday afternoon once you were done with your classes. You knew he liked to stay in his office until late at night sometimes, he always said we could stop by whenever, if we needed something. So you decided to take advantage of that, shoving down your anxious thoughts and doing what you wanted. 

Liz may or may not have convinced you to wear a shirt that was––aesthetically pleasing, to put it, specifically in the chest area so you were more than eager to see your professor’s reaction. You were a little nervous, you didn’t want it to seem like you were trying too hard, but you thought you looked good in this shirt, and you had a right to feel good about yourself. Since it was a little chilly outside, you hid it under a sweatshirt for now.

You got to his office and found yourself staring at the dark wood, hesitating to knock on. After taking a deep breath you rapped your knuckles against the door. 

You heard a faint Come in! And you took a deep breath and opened the door slowly to find him sitting at his desk, “Hi Professor Holland.” He was finishing some notes on a student’s essay but his head snapped up immediately at the sound of your voice.

He dropped his pen and sat up, “Please,” he motioned to the seat across from his desk and you smiled gratefully before settling down. “What can I do for you? Everything alright?”

His eyes looked sincere and concerned and you could feel your insides melting a little bit. 

“I just––I really want to do well on this essay,” He nodded for you to continue, “But I’m just not sure if I’m going in the right direction.”

 He nodded understandingly, “Well let’s have a look, shall we?”

You reached down to grab your things when he stood up and walked past you, your eyes following him in confusion. He gestured to the couch, a somewhat impish smile on his face. “Just thought it would be more comfortable––and easier for us to look together, of course.”

You nodded, a small smile on your face as you picked up your bag and sat next to him on the couch. “Right, of course.” It was a loveseat so there wasn’t much room for either of you to distance yourselves.

You got out your computer and opened up the essay. You had already opened it before you got there, not wanting to have to awkwardly wait for it to load. Yes, you overthought things but––it helped sometimes. “I see you came prepared,” he joked and you couldn’t help but smile. He really did notice everything, didn’t he.

“Well I’m really confident about the topic of my essay, I think it’s interesting. But I feel like I may be adding too much into the paper, and I’m not sure if I’m overthinking things or if I should take some things out.” 

“I’m sure it’s not as bad as you think. I meant it when I said I appreciate having you in my class, you know. I always love reading your work. You write well.” 

“Thank you, professor.” Though you saw his eyes darken at the title, he commented on it.

“You can call me Tom when we’re alone, darling. No need for formalities.”

“But I like calling you professor––” Your hand shot up to cover your mouth and you spoke before he could, ignoring his smile, “I mean um. Tom––Okay I can try that.”

His tongue passed under his teeth, a devilish smirk on his face as he watched you squirm under his gaze. “No you know, now I think professor is growing on me.”

You pursed your lips, rolling your eyes. “Prof––Tom.”

He raised his hands in surrender, “Alright alright.” 

“Why don’t you read it to me? It’s easier to see where you can improve when you hear it out loud.”

You swallowed nervously, nodding your head as you brought your laptop closer to you. “O––Okay.”

You started reading your paper out loud, voice becoming slightly steadier as you went on, two fingers scrolling up the trackpad. He made comments as you read, only praise––and with each compliment you felt yourself getting hotter. Very good. Always write so well. Nice point there. Mhm. Good girl, that’s an excellent point. He shifted his way closer to you gradually as you read on and when his thigh touched yours, you had to tell yourself not to jump from the contact.  

He placed his arm on the back of the couch, basically around your shoulder and you had to smush down the urge to throw your computer and climb into his lap. His thighs did look very inviting with the way he was sitting, though. 

He moved closer to you and you could feel his breath cascading down over your shoulder as he brought his hand to the trackpad, his arm over your thigh, fingers scrolling through to where he had a few suggestions. 

When he finished his few remarks, you could hear the proud smile in his voice. “See, I knew it wouldn’t be as bad as you thought. You’re a good writer...” He paused and you turned your head slightly to find his lips mere inches from yours, his eyes trained on your mouth. His words were barely a whisper when he spoke up again, “A good student.” You both leaned in slowly and his hand came up to hold your cheek lightly. “Bet you’d be a good girl for me too.” 

You gasped lightly and leaned forward, giving in and finally pressing your lips to his, both your hands grabbing his jaw. He moaned immediately, his body pressing into yours as you twisted to face him, his other hand coming around your waist to pull you in. You felt your laptop slipping off your thighs and squeaked, making the both of you laugh and pull away, flustered. 

“Careful, love.” Tom grabbed the computer and put it down on the floor gently, confirming that you saved your work before pushing the lid closed. 

The air in the room was hot, thanks to Tom in general, but also thanks to what you just did. So you pulled away and couldn’t help but smile at the sight of Tom’s pout when he thought you were getting up to leave. Since there wasn’t much space on the couch, you stood up to take your hoodie off and you heard his breath hitch when his eyes fell upon the shirt you were wearing. “Christ-”

“Now what’s this?” Tom said almost to himself, his eyes staring at you in wonder and awe. “Never seen this little number before.” He noticed the clothes you wore? His hands were already aching to feel you again, reaching out for you subconsciously and you bit your lip to calm your smile as you sat back down, letting your sweater fall to the floor softly. 

“What, this old thing?” You joked, looking down at the shirt––yeah, you looked good. “You like it?” You looked up at him, a cheekily innocent look in your eyes.

He put his hands around your waist and pulled you into his lap, enjoying the gasp it elicited from you. You put your hands gingerly on his shoulders and the way he was looking up at you made you never want to leave this position ever again. You tilted your head and licked your lips and Tom couldn’t take it anymore, he kissed you again, hands gripping you firmly, anchoring you to him. He pulled away after a good while, wanting to look at you again, his lips parted, practically panting like an animal. You really had an effect on him, but he did the same to you. 

His eyes were taking you in, basically capturing a mental image for later. “God, you look heavenly, darling.” You squirmed in his lap and bit your lip when you felt a bulge growing underneath you. He leaned forward and left a trail of kisses on the tops of your breasts, leaving a few teasing nips and sucks here and there. You squealed, your hands coming up to run your fingers through his hair. You pulled his head up by his hair and the look in his eyes looked absolutely feral––like he wanted to eat you. 

You were about to lean in and kiss him again when a knock at the door surprised the both of you. You both jumped off of the couch as Tom threw out excuses. “Yeah just a second!” You straightened out your shirt as Tom did the same to his pants and you picked up your things. 

When he saw that you were settled, he took a deep breath and answered the door. His colleague and best friend Professor Osterfield, was standing there, a grin on his face. “You div, are you ever going to be on time for our monthly meetings?––” He stood up straight when he noticed you standing behind Tom. “Oh, I didn’t know you had company.” He looked between the two of you and it seemed as though he pieced everything together. Maybe Tom had told him about you? If he did, you wouldn’t be worried Tom didn’t seem like the type to tell unreliable people his business––and they were best friends after all.

You smiled at him in acknowledgement as moved aside to let you pass. “Sorry,” you looked between the both of them, “I’ll let you get to whatever you have to go to.” You looked at Tom once you were out of his office, “Thank you for the feedback, professor.”

You could see him fighting off his smirk before he replied, “Of course.” His stare was impenetrable as he looked at you, “Feel free to come by whenever.” You could see the hidden meaning in his words and let the hint of a smile show, before nodding and walking off.

Harrison looked at him, a pitiful smile on his face. “I hope you know what you’re doing, mate. You should be careful, for the both of you.”

Tom sighed, not wanting to have this conversation. “I know, man. Let’s go.” 

❊❊❊❊

You found yourself missing Tom as soon as you left. God, this was kind of pathetic. But at least your feelings weren’t necessarily one sided––he did say you made him nervous too after all. You doubt he’d say that if he just wanted to fuck you––he was better than most men. And sure you might be a little biased, but at the end of the day he had a good heart and he was educated. So bonus. 

When you stepped into your dorm, your roommate was sitting on her bed, snacks in hand as she looked at you expectantly. “Now these,” she gestured to the food on her bed, “are either for a story time, to rebuild your energy or both.” 

You laughed and changed into your pajamas, starting to tell your best friend about everything that just happened. She often interrupted with her reactions and comments.

Oh. My. God.

Shut. Up.

You’re fucking lying! 

“But we didn’t fuck.”

“Boo––”

“Yes, boo.” You laughed, “Professor Osterfield knocked at the door and dragged him off to a meeting so.” You shrugged.

“Professor Osterfield...is that the hot blond one?” You nodded and she continued expressing her feelings for the man. “I’d let him teach me a few things––”

“Literally bye.”

She laughed, “What? Come on have you seen him––”

“I’m a little preoccupied with another professor to be honest.”

She nodded, handing you a bag of chips as you settled in your bed. “True. And oh how lucky you are.” You smiled in agreement. 

❊❊❊❊

Today was the day the essay was due and though you normally handed it in at the beginning of class, for once, you didn’t and you could feel Tom’s gaze following you as you walked up the steps to your seat without so much as a glance in his direction. You’d stopped by his office a few times over the past two weeks since Harrison interrupted you, but you never did anything more than kissing and grinding. You were both too scared of getting caught, but that doesn’t mean you hadn’t thought about doing more in there.  

Tom liked to have physical copies of the essays, just in case technology decides it’s against him (his words), so everyone had until 8pm tonight to drop it off by his office. You were definitely going to use that to your advantage. 

You didn’t wear anything provocative to class, you didn’t really want that kind of attention today, plus you knew that Tom’s interest in you wasn’t solely based on your appearance. So you put the revealing items on under your clothing. And honestly, the thought that no one knew what you were wearing underneath it all only excited you even further. 

You crossed your legs, relieving your tension and biting your lip as class went on, enjoying how flustered Tom would be every time he looked at you. You felt so submissive when you were alone with him, but when you were in public like this? Free to tease him subtly from a distance? That’s where you had all the power. 

You had him blushing and stuttering throughout the whole class, though it wouldn’t have been easy for everyone else to notice, for you it was so obvious. He kept rubbing his hands together, pacing around as his eyes darted to you every few minutes. At one point he went over to sit down at his desk, which he rarely did while teaching––and you were fairly certain it was to hide a bulge in his pants. All thanks to you. 

In the middle of the class, you felt your phone vibrate in your bag and pulled it out just to see if it was an emergency. You were pleasantly surprised and could feel your whole body react when you noticed who the message was from.

Tom: Having fun, are you?

Your eyes shot up to the front of the room and you bit your lip to contain your smile when you noticed him glaring at you.

Y/N: I always have fun in this class, professor ;)

You put your phone away afterwards and focused on the class, knowing it was killing Tom that you weren’t giving him more attention. Your heart was racing and your panties had a wet patch by the time class was over. You had a feeling he was going to try to keep you after class, so you hurried up and gathered your things, sighing in relief when a few students went up to his desk to talk to him. 

You smirked to yourself and headed straight for the door, your head high on your shoulders. But just as you were about two feet from the exit, Tom spoke up. 

“I assume I’ll be seeing you later, Miss Y/L/N?”

You turned around, eyes slightly widening as you noticed him, the group of students near him.

He smirked slyly, “To turn in your paper, remember?” His eyes were giving you a knowing look.

You swallowed, nodding as you smiled at him innocently. “Of course, professor.” You enjoyed the way his eyes darkened only slightly, only noticeable to you. “See you then.” With that you walked out.

❊❊❊❊

You practically skipped to his office at around 7:45, before knocking at the door, four knocks in a specific pattern––the code you’d made together. 

“Come in, darling!”

You walked in and quickly shut the door, a chuckle escaping you. “You know someone could hear you from the outside one day, right?”

He shrugged, “I’ll just blame it on my accent. Could call everyone darling, they don’t know any better.”

You laughed. “Okay well––Professor Holland,” you said, loving the way he looked at you when you uttered his title. “I brought this for you.” You took out the printed essay and placed it on his desk.

He pushed his chair out, his eyes following your every move as he spread his legs. “Oh is that right?” 

You took the invitation and took your reserved seat in his lap, linking your arms around his neck as you looked down at him. “Mhm, still want a good grade in this class you know. You are my favorite professor after all.”

He smirked smugly, licking his lips. “And you,” he kissed your lips before pulling away briefly, “Are my favorite girl.” He brought his hands up your back and pulled you into him as he kissed you again. This time, longer and deeper, wanting to feel you as much as possible. “Teased me so much in class today.” You smiled into the kiss and he continued, “Almost wanted to take you over my knee right there in front of everyone.” 

You moaned audibly and he brought his hand up to your neck, gripping you softly but firmly, giving you room to pull away if you didn’t approve. When you leaned further into his grip, he grinned and pulled you closer. You started grinding down on him, basking in the desperate groans and sighs you were coaxing out of him, the way his movements became more frantic as he bucked into you. 

After debating with yourself in your head for a moment––struggling to think properly with his hands all over you, you got off of his lap and smiled at the small whines of protest he let out before reaching for his belt. You made eye contact with him and noticed how wide his eyes were, hopeful, hungry, but hesitant. 

His hands reached for yours, “You don’t have to, darling. If anything I should be doing this first. God knows I’ve thought about it.”

You pouted, trying your best to ignore his words and focus on the task at hand. “But I want to,” you kissed his cheek, “I wanna make you feel good, professor.” He nodded, barely able to speak.

“Yeah? You wanna be a good girl for me?” 

You nodded eagerly, licking your lips as he pulled himself out of his trousers. “More than anything. Wanna make up for earlier.” You got down on your knees, mouth practically salivating at the way his member stood tall against his abdomen, his tip leaking with precum. 

Your hand wrapped around him just as a knock sounded at the door. Professor?

The both of your eyes widened, the both of you looking around for some sort of answer before he ushered you under the desk, tucking himself back in hastily, pulling his chair as much as he could and sitting at the edge, hiding his unbuttoned and unbuckled pants. Luckily for the both of you, the back of the desk reached the floor, so whoever it was wouldn’t be able to see you hiding underneath. “Uh––Come in!”

The person walked in and you recognized the sound of her voice, she often spoke up in the lectures. You couldn’t remember her name, though. You do, however, remember that she often spoke up only to get Tom’s attention. You’d heard her gush about him in the halls just outside his class in the hopes of him hearing her. You couldn’t blame her, but the thought still irked you. “I just wanted to give you my paper. I hope it’s not too late.” 

Tom checked the time on his watch, 7:58. “Nope,” he laughed breathlessly, trying to compose himself, “Not too late at all, in fact just in time.” 

She handed her paper to Tom and he gave her a tight-lipped smile, trying his best not to think about the fact that your hands were trailing up his thighs and that he could feel your warm breath hitting the exposed part of his member––he really hadn’t payed attention when he tucked himself back in. 

Before he could send the girl who’s name you still hadn’t remembered off, she took a seat across from him and he swallowed nervously, a little frustrated since he was so close to getting his cock in his girl’s mouth. 

It seemed that you somehow read his thoughts because as soon as the girl kept talking for another two minutes, you pulled his member out and stroked him, licking up his shaft and he tensed, taking every ounce of self control he had not to look down at you. His hand reached down and held your cheek gently, just wanting to feel you. You nuzzled into his palm and he had to bite his lip to suppress his smile, not wanting the student across from him to think his endearing expression was meant for her. 

You honestly completely tuned out all the words she was saying, your sole focus pleasuring Tom. But you didn’t miss the flirty and falsely innocent tone in her voice. You couldn’t see her but she was no doubt batting her eyelashes at him as well. 

When she made a comment about how good his shirt looked on him, you couldn’t help yourself, you sucked his tip into your mouth with no warning, making him groan unexpectedly. You paused, eyes wide and playful as your mouth stayed around him.

“Are you okay professor?” 

He let out a strained smile, “Yes, Emma, Sorry––” So her name was Emma. “I just uh banged my knee on the desk.”

She hummed a small okay and went on.

He caught your eye, trying his best to keep his expression neutral, but boy was it hard. Especially when you were looking up at him like that, with his cock in your mouth. You licked around his tip and lowered your mouth around him and he had to force himself to focus on the girl who was still talking to him.

You were not playing fair but quite frankly you didn’t care. You were making him feel good and yourself too. Your hand was pumping him, your tongue swirling around him as quietly as you could, while your other hand found its place between your thighs. 

In the middle of Emma’s speech, Tom’s eyes drifted down and widened, his breath getting caught in his throat when he noticed your other hand, moving between your legs. He stuttered out an excuse, unable to tear his eyes away from you for a moment, “Uh, Emma I’m so sorry––I just have so much work to do, but feel free to come back––” he paused to swallow when you sucked harder around him in reaction to his invitation. “Come back next week if you have any problems or anything else you’d like to discuss.”

She hesitantly but respectfully said goodbye and was on her way, closing the door behind her.

Tom’s hands immediately shot down to hold your head, his mouth dropped open as he watched you, approaching his high. “Shit, that’s it darling that’s it. So fucking good for me.”

“I’m gonna cum––” he warned. You simply hummed around him and sped up your movements, feeling yourself clench as he panted, his hips bucking slightly as he came into your mouth. You unfortunately weren’t able to cum but you were sure there’d be other chances. You popped off of him and swallowed his load before licking up his length teasingly slow. “Fuck, such a good girl.”

He pulled his chair out and brought you up to stand between his legs, tiling his head to look up at you, his hands rubbing up and down the backs of your thighs absentmindedly. “Was someone a little jealous?”

You shrugged, trying to act nonchalant but failing to fix your annoyed facial expression. “Maybe.”

He tucked himself back into his pants and stood up, chuckling as he squeezed your cheek. “I’m yours.” He pecked your lips, before looking in your eyes, “And I’m most definitely repaying the favor when we get home. I mean––if you want to, of course.” Home. 

You couldn’t help but smile, “Yeah––Okay.” 

You’d never been to Tom’s house before so this felt like sort of a big deal to you, but you were going to try and calm your racing thoughts and heart. You and Tom agreed that you would go around the corner of the building for him to pick you up in his car, not wanting to risk anyone seeing you.

As soon as you were settled in, seatbelt on, Tom drove off and honestly the thrill of having to hide was exciting to the both of you. His hand was gripping your thigh throughout the whole drive and you could tell it was meant as a reminder that he was there for you, but also that he could barely contain himself. 

Seeing Tom drive you, the flashing street lights illuminating his face, highlighting his jawline, his hand gripping your thigh––this was a sight you knew you wanted to see more. The intimacy of it all made you warm inside and the feeling of Tom’s fingertips digging into your skin only riled you up further.

You leaned over to kiss his cheek and he smiled at the feeling of your soft lips drifting over his skin. “Darling––” His words were cut off by a harsh moan when you trailed your lips down to his sweet spot, the noise almost too loud for the quiet, tense air in the car.

You teased, licked and bit at his skin, not afraid to leave marks. It was Friday now, if anyone saw them on Monday, they would just assume he’d had an eventful weekend. Honestly, the thought that no one would know that you were the one who left those marks excited you––it would be a secret between you and Tom, a thing for the two of you to share on your own.

Tom’s hands were now gripping the wheel and your thigh with force, trying to get his bearings. “You’re being very naughty today, love. Can’t say that I don’t love it though.”

You smiled sinfully into his neck, continuing your actions. Your hand slid over his thigh teasingly slow to rest on his bulge, fingers squeezing ever so softly and he practically jolted in his seat. “Christ––love unless you want me to crash this car I suggest you stop.”

You pulled away, satisfied with how much you’d riled him up. He almost whined at the loss of contact, subconsciously upset that you’d actually stopped. But as your hand reached back down to find its place between your thighs, his tone shifted. 

“Don’t you dare touch what’s mine. That’s my job.”

You actually felt a shiver pass through your body and you squeezed your thighs together at the sound of his dominant voice, excited for what was to come.

When you made it to his apartment, you barely had time to take in the scenery and take off your shoes and jackets before he dragged you to his room. But from what you saw, the decor was simple but elegant, much like Tom. His bedroom was the same, but again, you weren’t too focused on it.

He turned on the dim light in his room, wanting to be able to see you as he pleased you. He stepped closer to you and placed his hands on your waist, looking deep into your eyes. “You still want this?” 

You nodded absolutely certain. “Want you to take me.”

His pupils dilated and he pulled your shirt up and over your head, licking his lips, eyes widening when he noticed what you were wearing and you couldn’t help but smile.

“Christ, were you wearing this all day?” 

You nodded again. “The underwear’s matching too. Wanna see?”

He got down on his knees, a teasing but desperate tone to his voice. “You’re a smart girl, don’t ask stupid questions.” He unbuttoned your pants and pulled them down along with your socks, mouth dropping open as he got to see the full set. 

You ran your hands up and down your body teasingly as he stood up. “Do you like it?”

He shook his head, smiling in disbelief, “Again with the silly questions, love.” He leaned in to kiss you, pulling away to take off his clothes. “You look like a goddess, darling.” You could feel your skin heating up from his words and his stare. He pulled you in for another kiss before bringing you onto the bed.

You lied down in the middle and spread your legs, waiting for him eagerly as he lied down between them. “Can’t fucking wait to taste you, love.” 

He pulled your panties over to the side and licked into you, his tongue softly swiping through your folds. His eyes rolled back as he moaned into you, “Taste just as perfect as you look.” He slid his hands around your thighs and pulled you in closer, smiling at the small squeak you let out.

His tongue was exploring you, finding all the spots and all the tricks that made your toes curl and your breath hitch. He was keeping this all to memory, memorizing the way you feel, the way you look. When your breaths quickened and your fingers tugged at his curls, he locked his arm around your stomach, slid one, then two fingers inside of you and sped up his movements, moving his head from side to side as he hummed onto your clit. 

Your body tensed and you held onto him for dear life as the knot in your stomach gave out, the pleasure spreading all throughout your body. Your mouth dropped open in ecstasy, your neck craning back and Tom couldn’t look away from you. You looked like a painting and he wanted to commit it to memory. 

He let go of you and kissed his way up your body, soothing you with his lips. Your legs were still twitching slightly, your stomach clenching and unclenching when his kisses reached your cheek. “Look so pretty when you come for me.” He kissed along your jaw, “Can’t believe you’ve deprived me of such a beautiful sight for so long.” He kissed your lips and tugged your bottom one between his teeth, before looking at you, eyes wide, “You gonna give me the privilege of seeing it again?” 

You smiled, your hands coming up to hold his cheeks. “You can see it whenever you want. As long as you’re the one making it happen.” You pulled him to you and kissed him, the both of you moaning into the small gaps between your mouths. 

He started to pull away but you whined and pulled him back making him smile. “I’ve gotta get a condom, love.”

He tried to get up again but you pulled him back down, “M’on the pill Tommy.” You looked up at him, pouting and he almost gasped––the effect you had on him was insane. “Just fuck me please.”

He didn’t need anymore convincing, grabbing a hold of his cock and swiping it through your folds, groaning out loud at how good your wetness felt. You bucked your hips and realizing you were getting desperate, he finally slid into you and all your senses immediately tuned into him. 

Just like your dream––All of your senses were in overdrive. All you could feel were the hands tracing every curve of your body, playing you like a toy they’d made themselves. All you could hear was that sweet, rough voice telling you praises and calling you endearing names as your whole body shivered from the pleasure. 

His eyes were watching your face, taking you in as he thrusted into you, making sure you were enjoying everything he was giving you. You felt absolutely amazing and so did he. “So perfect for me, darling. That’s it.” He bit his lip and sped up, making your jaw drop as you stared into his eyes, completely open and vulnerable to him. His touch was tantalizing, even better than your fantasies which only meant you’d become more addicted to him and what he could do to you.

He grunted, angling his hips when he found your spot, hitting it over and over, bringing his hand down to play with your clit. “Told you I wanted to see you cum again, pretty girl. So you’re gonna cum then I’m gonna fill you up. That sound okay?”

You nodded eagerly, eyes watching his every move as your hands gripped his arms, your thighs burning invitingly as they stretched around him with every thrust. Then you uttered that one word that always had him almost inappropriately weak for you. “Want to be full of you, professor.”

His jaw slacked and he paused for a slight moment before picking up his pace, faster than before, hips chasing after both your highs, fingers still rubbing you just the way he learned, just the way you liked. “Fuck-–”

A few more thrusts and flicks of his wrist and you were tensing under him, your pussy clenching around him as he let out broken curses and moans, losing his rhythm and releasing into you with a groan. 

He rested some of his weight on you for a moment, the both of you smiling and laughing breathlessly as you took in the moment. Your hands came up to play with his curls and he sighed, leaning into your touch. He lowered his head into the crook of your neck and left a few soft kisses, coaxing some sighs from you as well.  

After a moment, he rolled over and took you with him, making you nuzzle further into him, his arm wrapped around you, your leg slung over his waist. His hand was rubbing up to your ass and down to your thigh, lulling you to sleep while simultaneously riling you up again. 

He kissed your forehead and you kissed his chest in response. “That was fucking amazing, love.”

You nodded and hummed in agreement, “Even better than my dreams.”

He pulled back to look at you, you could hear his heartbeat quicken and you tried to hide your face in his chest. “You had dreams about this too?”

That made you lift your head up to look at him. You could see in his eyes that he wasn’t joking but you were still slightly shocked. “Too?”

He smiled, licking his lips, “Well maybe we should discuss them, and try them out for ourselves.” His hand found its way between your legs again, making you moan but that didn’t stop you from responding.

You nodded, “For research purposes, of course.”

“Of course.” He grinned, “See, I knew I taught you well.” He leaned in to kiss you deeply, “My girl’s the perfect student.” 

You spent hours exploring each other's bodies as you reenacted your dreams, both exceeding each other's expectations every time. By the time you fell asleep in each other's arms, it was late at night and you were sweaty, and tired, but overwhelmingly pleased.

❊❊❊❊

The next Friday, it was halloween. Liz had somehow convinced you to go to a halloween party with her. On top of that it was a frat party. And even worse, you dressed up as a school girl because it was all last minute and you didn’t have any time to get a costume. 

“Oh come on Y/N, you look hot!”

You turned in the full length mirror to look at your ass that was almost visible in this mini skirt. “You think so?”

“Duh.”

And that’s all the convincing you needed to go out. You needed a little college fun. You hadn’t been to a party in who knows how long because you were always focusing on your work. You deserved this. Also Liz said it was a celebration of your “lay”, yes, she said lay. 

“I’m just saying you cannot let me get with him again.”

“Liz it’s literally his frat house that we’re going to and we both know you have little to no self control.”

“Well damn. You couldn’t have sugar coated it?”

“What, you want me to throw a packet of splenda on you?” You joked.

She shoved you, “Dude shut up,” she laughed.

You looked down at your bare thighs that were only partly covered by your thigh high socks and rubbed your arms, regretting not bringing a jacket when Liz spoke up again. “Oh shit, is that Professor Holland?”

Your eyes shot up and made direct eye contact with him. He was wearing a hoodie and some sweats but he still looked great as usual. His eyes trailed down your body and soon your shivers were no longer because of the cold. 

“I’ll just wait here.” Liz said suggestively and you walked over to Tom. 

“H–Hi.”

He put his hands in his pockets to stop himself from reaching out to touch you, he didn’t know who was around. “Well hello to you too.” He looked into your eyes, a smirk on his face. You rubbed your arms quickly for warmth, and Tom had to control himself to not look at your chest, even though he could see your nipples hardening from the weather through your shirt. He wanted nothing more than to hold you in his arms and take you home. 

“Any plans?” You asked.

“No, I'm just about to go home. I’m uh guessing you have somewhere to be?” His eyes traced your figure again.

“Yeah um me and Liz are going to a frat party.” You pointed back to your friend and gave him a small smile and shrug. “She convinced me.”

He wanted to kiss you so bad but he had to restrain himself.

“Be safe tonight, yeah?” His eyes were comforting, as they always were, but this felt almost more personal? Almost like he didn’t want you to go. And honestly, after seeing him, you almost didn’t want to either. You never defined your relationship with him, so honestly right now he was like a friend with benefits––professor with benefits, if you will. 

You nodded, licking your lips nervously. “O––Okay. I will. You be safe too!”

His eyes followed you as you walked off, your friend pulling you along, obviously whispering to you, probably about him. You looked so fucking good and everyone else was going to see that too. It’s not like he owned you or anything, but part of him really wished he could claim you, openly care for you and be affectionate. His thoughts were a mix of wholesome and raunchy and he had no idea how to act.

He almost felt wrong but he couldn’t get the thoughts out of his mind, the way you looked up at him sheepishly, the innocent look in your eyes while you were wearing that mini skirt. His cock was bulging in his boxers ever since he first laid eyes on you. When he got home, he made his way to his bed, undressing almost immediately. Lying down in the middle of the bed, just where you were days before brought a flood of memories into his mind, only making his member throb even more. He tugged at his cock, spitting in his hand to make it slick.

Images of you were flashing in his mind as he sped up his movements, desperate for a release. 

He was dying to get a taste of you again. The memory of the way you felt under his fingertips, the way your muscles clenched when he hit the right spots. The way you tasted when you were dripping onto his tongue. The way you looked at him when you came, your lips parted to release broken moans and whimpers. The way your fingers gripped his curls as your body tensed. It was all enough to make him spill over his hand, his breaths coming out in quick pants as his head dropped back onto the pillow.

“Fuck.” He really had it bad for you. 

❊❊❊❊

Tom had texted you during class on Tuesday to meet him in his office when you were done with classes for the day. When you stepped into the room, he locked the door immediately, bringing you over to his desk, his lips chasing yours. Screw worrying about people hearing you, he wanted you. Now. 

“God, just seeing you in that tight little costume––you have no idea how badly I wanted to ravish you. The thought of all those dumb frat boys seeing you in all your glory like that––I was absolutely beside myself.” So that’s what this was about. His hand came up to hold your cheek, his eyes fiercely staring into yours and you nuzzled into his touch, your hand holding his wrist softly and his eyes softened at the sight of you.

“I’m gonna absolutely devour you.” You gasped and he smiled, pulling your pants along with panties down. He sat you down on his desk and got down on his knees, licking his lips. “As soon as I got a taste of you, I knew I wouldn’t be able to go without it ever again.” He kissed your thigh, looking up at you. “You gonna let me have a taste again? Wanna make you feel good, lovie.”

You nodded, swallowing roughly, “Y––Yeah. Yes please.”

He chuckled breathlessly, “Such a polite little thing you are.” He kissed his way from your inner thigh to your center before licking a torturously slow stripe from your hole to your clit. You let out a sigh and gripped the desk, your fingertips becoming lighter at how hard you were already holding it.

His hands held your thighs open, putting them over his shoulders, holding you in place. His tongue was languidly licking you up and down, savoring your taste and your moans, coaxing them out of you one by one, nonstop. He looked up at you and your breath got caught in your throat, the look in his eyes fierce, almost as if he could see your bare soul and he clearly liked what he saw. He brought his lips to close around your heat after every other swipe of his tongue, passionately kissing your heat. 

“So fucking good, angel. Always the best for me.”

You nodded, licking your lips, one of your hands coming to grab at his curls, making him growl into you. “Only for you, Tommy.”

He didn’t stop his tongue or his lips until you came, your back arching, fingers frantically grabbing for whatever you could hold, lip trapped between your teeth to muffle the moans that so desperately wanted to escape into the quiet air of the room. He kept going until you had to pull his head away from you, overwhelmed by all the pleasure and scared that you would scream and alert everyone in the building about what you were up to.

His hands were caressing your thighs, eyes looking at you in awe, almost too innocently for what you’d just done. He stood up between your legs and leaned in to kiss you, letting you taste yourself on his tongue and his lips. 

He pulled away to look at you, hands holding your hips as your legs wrapped around his waist. You brought your arms up to link around his neck, looking up at him appreciatively and absolutely spent. “So do you think I should wear school girl outfits more often?”

He laughed, his hands holding you tighter, “If you do, my head is never leaving between your thighs.”

You smiled cheekily, batting your lashes at him. “Promise?”

He’d never gotten down on his knees quicker in his life. Let’s just say it took you another hour before you left his office.

 ❊❊❊❊

Over the past few weeks it had become a routine for you to go over to Tom’s office to seemingly “work on your assignments and review,” so it wasn’t out of the ordinary for you to show up unannounced Friday afternoon. Without meaning to, though, it seemed you showed up a little too early, and ended up overhearing part of Tom and Harrison’s conversation. 

“I can tell Y/N means a lot to you, mate. Don’t lie.” Your heart dropped to your stomach as you skidded just in front of the door, about to turn the corner inside. You backed up and stayed pressed to the wall. Luckily no one really stopped by this side of the building at this time on a Friday, so no one would find you snooping around in the middle of the hallway. 

“No I just––”

No. He said no––Okay you weren’t going to freak out. This always happens in the movies, and then the main character runs away before hearing the most important part and they overreact. So you decided to just...wait it out. 

So you waited and waited. And the more the silence overwhelmed you, the louder it got. You could feel the tears starting to form in your eyes because you really thought your feelings were mutual. But just as you inched your foot backwards to walk away, he spoke up again, his voice quiet. 

“She means everything to me, man. I––It scares me, honestly. I just don’t want to mess it up.” 

This time the tears fully formed in your eyes, but for the absolute opposite reason. You smiled and wiped at your eyes, not even bothering to hide anymore as you turned the corner, surprising Tom, his eyes widening as he took in your appearance. Harrison turned around to see you and his gaze filled with concern as well. 

“Tom––” your voice was quiet but there was a smile on your face. 

“Darling––” He rushed over to you and grabbed your hands, wiping your cheeks with his thumbs to catch the few tears that escaped. “What’s wrong, are you alright?”

Your hands came up to hold his wrists as you looked into his eyes, “I heard you talking.” 

His face dropped in realization and he could feel his heart pounding in his chest. 

Harrison cleared his throat and subtly made his way out, “You guys have some things to discuss.” He put a hand on your shoulder and you both smiled at each other appreciatively before he walked out, shutting the door behind him. 

Tom took your hands and brought you over to the couch. “I hope I didn’t scare you off, love.”

You shook your head immediately, even climbing in his lap to prove him wrong and he smiled gratefully. “No! It’s just that we never really talked, you know, about us.” He nodded and you took that as a sign to continue, enjoying the way his hands subconsciously slipped under your shirt to rub at your skin soothingly. “I like you Tom, obviously. But I like you a lot.” You linked your hands behind his neck. “I think I might be falling for you.”

His eyes started tearing up as well, as he smiled, “Yeah well, I think I’ve already fallen for you, darling.” 

You looked into his eyes and your smile brightened, “Okay maybe I lied––I’ve definitely already fallen for you as well.”

You both laughed lovingly, pulling each other in for a sweet kiss.“Look,” Tom started, licking his lips. “I don’t know what this means for our future, but all I know is I don’t plan on letting you go any time soon.” 

You kissed his lips softly, “Well I don’t plan on leaving any time soon either.” 

“Good.” He looked at you and you felt as though your soul was out and open for him to hold and love. “Cause you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me, Y/N and I don’t ever want to lose you.” 

You could feel your eyes tearing up again. This felt good. This felt like home.