#to get to that level they needed to be good shows so they would be able to connect to fans in that way

[gay-dorito-dust]

Can I request headcanons for saja boys with shy but touch starved gn s/o please?

Jinu

He’s touch starved himself in my opinion.

He’s also a little awkward too and would definitely be cautious as to not push you beyond your boundaries.

He finds your shyness an interesting thing to have, it’s always a sight to behold when he watches you interact with his tiger companion and the bird with the top hat, acting as though you couldn’t be anywhere else then with them.

Yet when it comes to social interactions you reframe from speaking incase you said something that could come across as silly or stupid. It was truly telling to Jinu where your comfortability levels lied in certain situations and who you were with.

So he would always be nearby, ready to take over a conversation if he saw that you were running low of things to say, coming up with something believable for the other person as he pulls you away from a conversation that was obviously not doing you a lot of good. He’ll take you to less crowded places as he himself didn’t like overcrowded places either, preferring more scenic areas where he could clear his mind and hear himself think.

So Jinu takes you to those places when he knows you needed it and would just stand by your side, all the while the bird with the tiny hat would rest itself on your shoulder, cuddling against your neck and closing it’s eyes in content.

Jinu wouldn’t take to physical affection immediately but instead take his time when he saw how you tensed before gradually intertwining your fingers with his, letting out a sigh of relief as you let yourself enjoy the affection for what it was.

from then on Jinu would also allow himself to enjoy enacting physical affection alongside you, or vicariously through you, when he rested his hand upon the small of your back or gingerly caressed the back of your neck in order to get you to relax and breath again.

Jinu find that you were both alike in similar ways but different in others and found solace in that as neither of you had to go against yourselves in order to appease the other. Affection will come and go but each of them being as meaningful as the last even if it was for a couple of seconds.

Also cuddles with the fluffy blue tiger are a must to recovery your battery, Jinu joins in because you both looked adorable, only for you two to be squashed under the big blue fluff as they act completely innocent.

Baby

Isn’t one for outright PDA. So he’s perfect for you really, it’s not important to him as it would to be for others.

He’ll take the lead in most situations, not that he cares whether your shy or not, he’ll step up if it senses as though your having a hard time even if his face is as though he was perpetually nonchalant about it.

He’ll most likely nudge your shoulder, tap the back of your hand three times, or having his thigh close by to yours but not close enough to just, just enough for you to know he was there if you ever need him.

Baby can communicate to you without having to use words, he’ll use notes to do so if you felt as though you couldn’t use your voice, feel like it’s been taken away from you even if you were just about to ask him for help on something.

He can tell that you need something and is very attuned to how you show that, even without words and will get it without hesitation. It almost comes off as though you have some sort of psychic connection with how effortlessly you knew one another without having to even open your mouths.

Your shyness wasn’t a deterrent for him either as he’s not one to talk all the time either, just enough for people to understand his personality, but just little to keep people guessing his next move or guess what’s his favourite colour or favourite kind of spicy food he preferred.

Baby didn’t care if you talked too much or too little, just as long as you were comfortable with him and didn’t feel as though you had to pressure yourself into becoming comfortable for his sake because that was the last thing he wanted for you.

Baby didn’t care if you didn’t want to go out that much, he wasn’t much of an outdoor person himself, only going out when needed or just to take a quick trip to a corner store and grab spicy treats and sweet snacks for you to munch on within the comfort of your apartment.

He’s more of a homebody who will occasionally want to go out now and then, keenly aware of how easily drained you can be afterwards. He’ll always keep an eye on you in the most nonchalant way possible, caring for you in his own way while also letting you do whatever pleases you.

Abby

Is a teasing shit that will tease you for your shyness initially but never takes it too far, he’s not that mean. He knows his limitations before the playful taunts become mean spirited.

He adores your shyness really, especially when he causally flexes his muscles and you -upon getting caught looking at him- would seemingly jolt out of your skin and look away. It feeds his ego a little and he’d intentionally do it even more if it meant seeing such interesting reactions coming from you.

He can easily stand in front of you if you didn’t want to be seen by others, he’s tall enough and well built enough to do so with ease, he’ll do it if it gives you some peace of mind. Your comfort comes first to Abby.

Will ask if you wanna touch his abs and smiling when you seemingly were at a loss for words, brain working too hard to decipher what he said and if it’s genuine or a joke.

His PDA is about average. He’ll hold your hand, thumb caressing your wrist, or his arm is thrown over your shoulder where he could feel you stiffen before melting under his embrace, almost hiding yourself away within his side while doing so.

That’s when he knows your touch starved and will start doing more to make you more use to his touches and affection.

Abby didn’t care if it took you longer to be comfortable in making phone calls to places or getting use to him putting his hand in your back pocket, as long as he got to do so and get to see how you’d react to what he does was more then enough for him. Your reactions are the highlight for him as he couldn’t help but become infectious with the happiness you felt for getting through placing your order without fucking up.

Abby is your hype man and your biggest teaser at the same time.

He’ll be happy for you/with you and will bring you into his arms to savour the sweet moment as he utters how proud of you he is, only for him to then in the same breath tease you for brushing against his abs, making you smack his bicep weakly as he laughs. Abby can truly be a menace but also be the biggest supporter when it came to you and doing things you initially felt under qualified to do.

Mystery

Your guard dog in more ways then one.

He’s almost got a sixth sense for when you’re comfortable and uncomfortable, like a bloodhound he could smell it from a mile away and immediately he’s more or less barking at whatever is making you uncomfortable.

Not one for words but his actions make up for it. You know the silent type goes strong in him but that doesn’t mean you’ve never heard him talk at all, his I’d like to believe voice is soft, grounding and steady in a way where if he says things were going to be okay, you’d believe him wholeheartedly.

If you want something, just point it out to him and he’ll get you it if you have social anxiety or just can’t bring yourself to speak to the person behind the till.

He’s more then willing to do anything on your behalf or be a grounding presence when you do it yourself, gently brushing his hand against your own in a silent gesture that he was here, that you shouldn’t feel stupid or anything when he was right there to offer moral support.

Affection wise he’s more accustomed to putting his head on your lap or resting his head against your own as his arms are anchored to your waist, almost as though he’s bringing you into an impromptu cuddle session.

The first time he did so, you were tense and didn’t know what to do, stay still as you could while he rested his head in your lap as you looked about awkwardly before feeling his hand grab yours and place it atop of his head in a silent demand for you to run your fingers through his hair.

It was awkward at first as you didn’t want to hurt him by catching some stubborn knots within his hair, but soon enough you were running your fingers through his hair like it’s nothing as though it was second nature.

Everything took time and Mystery was more then willing to keep constantly resting his head on your lap on the odd occasion so that you’d get use to him doing so, get use to him pulling your hand on his head so that his need for attention and affection didn’t come out of nowhere and left you feeling uncomfortable.

Romance

Loves, loves, loves PDA.

Finds your shyness endearing but understands that it can be somewhat debilitating at times when it comes to doing certain things that come more natural to people more confident than you.

He would try to ease you into it by doing small gestures, such as intertwining pinkies or just tracing his fingers across your palm so that you would be familiar to his touch when he does more grander expressions of affection.

He’s got patience in droves and will reassure you that your shyness is one of the many things he loves about you, even if you think that your shyness was holding him back or believe it to be a downside to you.

He’s never holding it against you at all, he embraces it and is more than willing to go at your own pace should it be more comfortable for you.

The last thing he wanted was for you to feel as though you had to be thrusted out of your comfort zone to keep someone when it’s doing more harm then good, that you needed to ignore your own feelings in order to accommodate the other person’s feelings.

That wasn’t love in his eyes and it never will be.

Romance is convinced that while you were both different, you both compliment each other in a way that he’s come to adore.

He’s more sociable and outgoing, whereas you were more reserved and didn’t feel at all comfortable with overbearing people or overcrowded spaces filled with loud and rambunctious characters. Yet you both worked wonders together and that’s all Romance could ask for, someone who complimented him while also being uniquely themselves.

[lemonfizzyy]

You thought I was done? No, I have more to add.

I never explained exactly how Dick ended becoming Nightwing but it was similar to how Bruce becomes Batman in the OG universe. He's angry at how unjust the world can be, and how his parents' murderer was never caught.

Similarly, he starts to build an idea of a protector, the type who would've stepped in and saved his parents. He still doesn't leave Haly's though. Not because he still wants to be an acrobat full-time, but because leaving the circus behind feels like betraying his parent's legacy.

Now, around the time Dick is like 20, he's still touring the world. Meanwhile, Clark Kent is around his twenties and traveling the world as a freelance reporter. (Yes, I read Superman: Birthright. I contain multitudes.)

Long story short, they run into each other while they're both trying to not get involved but also very much get involved with a local [insert crime here]. In the process Clark accidentally reveals his powers (Something that happens in Superman: Birthright as well.) and after initially being rightfully frightened, Dick is pretty darn impressed and thinks its cool. That never happens to Clark since everyone else who's ever gotten an inkling of his powers reacts with fear and never really warms up.

Even longer story short, they become good friends and exchange information before parting ways. They do a whole email pen pals thing, it's cool.

Blah blah blah, a month or two later, Superman is created and Clark learns more about his heritage and Krypton. He shares this with Dick and... Well, Nightwing. Dick really likes it, and he's further inspired by Clark's initiative to become a hero.

From there it's straight pipeline from leaving Haly's, making the Nightwing outfit and going on a soul-searching training journey that is reminiscent of the one in Batman: The Knight. (Which I read as well. I'm becoming a certified Canon Knower, it's crazy.)

Except Dick's journey includes less dubious teachers and romantic relationships with extremely untrustworthy people. (Dick is older than Bruce was and way less actively-desperate/willingly-emotionally-stunted/sheltered-via-extreme-wealth.) Dick overall has a more soul-searchy/make-a-bunch-of-unlikely-allies type journey that is more befitting of the Nightwing brand.

(You might be thinking: "Oh, is he trained by Slade like in the hit animated tv show Teen Titans?"

And my answer to that would a no. He doesn't give a hoot about Dick because he's not young and impressionable, and a host of other factors. He'd only give Dick a second glance if he were hired to kill him. He'll be a villain later, just not as nemesis level as in the OG universe.)

And the rest is normal nomadic-vigilante shenanigans until he decides to go back to where it all started... Gotham.

Update on Alfie and Dick: Now, I believe, would be a good time to inflict you with some psychic damage in the form of a fact. In this AU, Alfred is around 30 and Dick is like 24... They are only 6 years apart. Only a year more than the age gap between Dick and Jason.

So... yes, Alfred and Dick they become like brothers, as cursed as it is.

Alfred's the dry responsible older brother to Dick's chaotic younger brother, and Dick eventually moves in.

(It's a slow process, first Dick keeps his vigilante stuff in the Manor so he can train Bruce, and then he had to stay there after an injury he needs supervision for and then Alfred angrily insists he actually come for medical help instead of being an idiot and bleeding out somewhere and... Yeah, well, it's a whole thing but yeah now Dick and Alfie are co-parenting this kid while being the strangest pair of brothers you've ever met.)

I’m like 6 days behind on my self imposed AU challenge so I’m gonna queue them throughout the night lol…. Day 4: Bruce and Dick role swap….

Alfred is appointed as Bruce’s guardian like usual but the boy can’t get the man that held him and covered his eyes from his dead parents out of his head. The little detective tracks him down to a gym in the Narrows, where he’s been working since he aged out of the Gotham foster care system. Guess where Bruce wants to take self defence/gymnastics(?) lessons now.

prev / next

[holyblonded]

does juju ever confront alexia when she gets frustrated that bear is not receptive to her attempts at being present for the first time in over a decade? like bear is (deservedly) rude to alexia and alexia calls her dramatic. juju goes off. not yelling but quiet, sharp, unrelenting.

okay yes. what a beautiful brain you have 😽

it’s kinda set far after the last scene in avalanche like far after

it happens after the dust has mostly settled. after the award speeches, the rehab milestones, the barbecue explosion that still echoes in everyone’s memory. alexia and bear are talking again. cautiously. stiffly. messages are exchanged. some calls are answered. they’re not close again, not really, but they orbit close enough to burn.

so when there’s a family dinner. just close relatives, some cousins, eli, alba, olga, and juju invited too. it feels tense but survivable.

bear shows up in wide-leg jeans and a fresh brace sleeve, hair curled, looking good, composed, indifferent. juju is beside her, a quiet pillar of calm, hand brushing against her lower back. it’s been a long day. bear’s done three hours of rehab, a photoshoot for nike’s next drop, and she hasn’t eaten since lunch. she doesn’t have the energy to play pretend.

they sit across from alexia. not awkwardly. not angrily. just… carefully. the way you sit near a fire that once burned you to ash.

the conversation is surface-level, until someone brings up bear’s recent trip to geneva, where she met with youth snowboarders, gave a talk, did some light demo runs. the federation even invited her to mentor part-time.

someone says, “she’s gonna change the game.”

eli beams. alba smiles. olga reaches over and squeezes bear’s hand.

and then alexia, sipping from her wine glass, says, casually, “i just hope she finds something real to do after all this ends.”

the table stills. bear doesn’t move. doesn’t blink. her fork lowers a fraction of an inch.

eli closes her eyes. “alexia.”

“what?” alexia shrugs, setting her glass down. “snowboarding has a shelf life. injuries. sponsors move on. i just want her to be smart.”

“you’re implying she’s not,” alba cuts in, jaw tense.

“no, i’m implying she’s not thinking long-term—”

“you’re implying she’s wasting her life,” olga snaps, sharp enough to slice the room in half. “again.”

alexia blinks, caught off-guard. “olga—”

“no. no,” olga says, pointing her fork now. “i am so tired of you doing this. of acting like her career, her path, is somehow less valid than yours because you don’t understand it. because it doesn’t revolve around a football.”

there’s silence. and then juju speaks. she doesn’t raise her voice. she never does. but when she looks at alexia, it’s not soft. it’s not angry. it’s clear.

“you don’t get to talk about her like she’s not sitting right here.”

alexia blinks. it’s the first time juju’s ever spoken directly to her in a setting like this.

“you don’t get to undermine everything she’s built just because it wasn’t on your field,” juju continues. “she’s an olympian. a world champion. she’s landed things most people wouldn’t dare to attempt. and she did it while carrying your absence on her back like a second board.”

bear swallows, hard. juju doesn’t stop.

“you say she needs something ‘real’? she is something real. her pain is real. her resilience is real. the way she shows up for herself—day after day, when you didn’t? that’s real. and the fact that she still even tries with you after everything? that’s more grace than most people would have.”

alexia looks stunned.

“you don’t have to agree with her choices,” juju finishes, voice steady. “but you will respect her. especially in front of me.”

a beat passes. the silence stretches like a fault line. and then bear reaches over, under the table, and laces her fingers with juju’s. not because she needs saving. but because sometimes, having someone stand beside you when your own blood won’t. that’s everything.

alexia doesn’t say anything else for the rest of the dinner.

but she thinks about that speech for weeks. months. maybe longer.

[missedloveletter]

🖤•WIND BREAKER BOYS•🖤

Summary: how they would confess

Characters: Haruka Sakura, Hajime Umemiya, suo hayato

Warnings:

suo hayato<3

He wanted it to be perfect....so he waited.with time he only fell deeper in love and it took him a second to fully embrace these feelings he had for you, but he loved that he loved you.

Seeing you everyday from your convenience store trips to walking you around town.Making sure your safe.Making sure what's his is safe.

I did mention in earlier posts that he would be the most likely to be yandere out of many of the characters and I plan to stay true on that.More like a borderline of just protective and soft yandere....the gray area per Say. And With this he is almost always with you and all the guys know your his...it's just time you know that.

So he would invite you to go to the convenience store to get a late night snack but is going to take you in a little detour.

You were at the convenience store picking out your snacks as Suo just stands nearby just loving watching your inner turmoil on what snack to pick..."Aaaaa I can't pick" Suo smiles"why not get both?" You gasp in offense"No of course not...you never let me pay and I don't want to make you pay more than you need to.... especially when you never get anything and it's always for me....I already feel bad". He chuckles softly.

He checks out and your off going down the street to your house but soon see Suo's not next to you.You turn back and see his soft smile with those reddish eyes mating the sky as it turns into night.

....."what?"

"we're doing a small detour".

All you could do was smile and let him lead the way

You met as a small grass hill not too far from town.The sky was quick to turn night as the stars speckled the sky.

"Wow....this place is beautiful....is this what you wanted to show me?"

"Not exactly"....

You look at him sceptically....he soon take out the second snack you had to sadly part with...."what...you really didn't have-"

"No....I do have to,I want to take care of you.for you to rely on me and know I will be there.You are...my everything.I need you near...I want to be your boyfriend."

You were speechless....the confusion was so straight forward and...raw.The Stars seemed to shine brighter and the grass softer....

He gently grabbed your cheeks and leaned in but stopped just before your lips touched....his grip loss where you could easily slip away...

he looked into your eyes...

Once your shock wear off you spoke,Your words were breathless..."yes"....

He smiles looking at your lips asking silent permission but you beat him to it.

Smashing your lips together in a needy yet soft kiss.you wrap your arms around his neck and he's came around your waist pulling you all the closer.

"I promise I'll take good care of you"

Hajime Umemiya<3

After your day out in the green house Ume promised to take you out you. So here you are at a cute cafe in town.The place was warm and your conversation flowed as it always did.From plants to family....friends...and to you?

How you feel and what you like.... favorite food and things you hate....this almost feels like a first date.The one you take to get to know the person on a romantic level....but this is Ume.....

You have a big crush on him, sure but this can't be a date....can it?he's looking at you so softly and warm....well he always did but it's different this time.Like he had a revelation and this was the first step into following through with it. He takes the orders knowing what you like by now,but know that you think of it....you don't REALLY know Ume.

You mostly talk about plants and things regarding that hobbies...is he putting in effort to get to REALLY know you right now?

Its honestly really sweet.you talked and goofed around but close to the end of your "date" the air because thick and you were confused about the change.

"Ume is everything alright?"

He looked at you with an almost sad smile ...very contrasting to the beaming light radiating off of him minutes before. "Y/n....I know this is sudden...and having lunch with you made me realize how...much brighter life is with you......I want to take our time and really get to know each other but I just want to say...."

"Ume?"

"I love you ...you fall so perfectly into my life......I would be honored if you accept my feelings....and of course we will take things slow"

Well Ume sorry to say but saying I love you right off the bat isn't slow but we'll take it anyway

You of course turned as red as a ripe tomato.Steam coming out the ears and all....."Oh"....

His smile seemed to slightly fall at your response taking it as rejection.Realizing your mistake you gathered yourself "NO No I like you to A LOT I just .....wasn't expecting a confession....I really thought you didn't see me that way."

"What....I think I liked you the whole time I know you....I think I just realized exactly what those feelings are recently....so dose that mean you expect my confession"!? Talk about golden retriever energy.

All you could do was smile and nod , and you where soon swapped up into his arms.

Warm and safe.

Haruka Sakura<3

He knows he liked you....and it kinda scared him because he had these feelings for a while but.... ACTUALLY knowing what this feeling was a lot.

Suo and all the other boys know exactly what was happening and they know he wouldn't do anything about it without a....push...per say.

So they help make you your date for his confession,becouse he really does like you....love you even and just has been so hurt in his life and is dense in love lol.

So the date is at Kotoha's cafe with just you to.... supposedly.the other boys are secretly watching but you guys don't need to know that.

So you and Sakura are sitting in the booth where eating your fried egg.It was warm and comforting and dispute being red as a tomato and overly flustered you guys had genuine good conversation.He was really trying.You laughed at his over extended response from his flusterdness and his offense at your laughter just made you laugh a little harder.

"hahahaha no no I'm sorry this is really nice I promise"

"You stop that!" His blush deepens.

"I'm soooorryyy reallyyy I....I'm really liking this....I'm glad I'm here with you"....

Pop....Sakura.exe has stoped working....like he's just there reder the a tomato and nearly unresponsive at you liking being with him......was crazy to him....you like being with his like he does you.OMG

"Sakura?"

"Are you ok I'm sorry if that to mu-"

"Y/n...I REALLY LIKE YOU"....

That cafe falls into a deeper silence...

"...oh..."

"Oh?...oh....'

"NO...No Sakura I like you....like....Like like you,is this a confession to start dating? Because if so Yes I would love to?"you smile brightly completely happy with the out come big Sakura....he's a mess of emotions with the first thought of rejection then your confession then basically starting a new relationship with him.

As you check in on Sakura and his.... condition of malfunction, the other boys at are secretly watching can only snicker and be proud of their work.

[narcjsistx]

— 𝐒𝐅𝐖/𝐍𝐒𝐅𝐖 𝐀𝐋𝐏𝐇𝐀𝐁𝐄𝐓 𝐅𝐓. 𝐁𝐔𝐍𝐍𝐘 𝐈𝐆𝐋𝐄𝐒𝐈𝐀𝐒

✶ bunny came out less than 2 weeks ago and the fandom has completely GONE CRAZY, and im one of those who did. obviously, same usual disclaimer, nothing is known about his personality yet so don’t come to me in a few years all upset because he's described differently </3

✶ the first part is completely sfw, the second one has only some, like 3, of the nsfw alphabet. sorry if a little awkward !!

✶ 𝐌𝐘 𝐌𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓 ; take a look, trust me!

A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

his kind of affection could be described as constant but meaningful, as if every hug or kiss carried all the weight in the world. bunny is someone who constantly seeks physical contact — even if it's just a simple caress or holding your hand at the most random moment of the day. he loves the privacy of his home because it allows him to kiss you freely, without being hounded by paparazzi, so he can take his time with you

B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)

i'd describe a friendship with him as pure chaos, where annoying you is the sweetest way he shows he cares. forget those friendships where kind words are the main focus, with him the most meaningful thing you can get is a sock thrown at your face, followed by a comment like "it suits you" or "smells like you" said with the most devilish grin you've ever seen

C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

he’s the kind of guy who’ll say, right in front of you, that hugging a girl is weird — only to whine when you refuse to hug him. he’ll always do everything he can to avoid admitting it, but ending the day in your arms is what relaxes him the most. he loves physical affection, but it’s a little hard for him to admit it

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

he only starts thinking about things like that once the relationship has been going on for quite a while, so i'd say after at least a year, or something like that. in my mind, he's someone who can clean exceptionally well but doesn’t even know how to crack an egg, which is exactly why he prefers eating out or take a takeaway

E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

he knows very well that even things that seem perfect often come to an end. he’d probably prefer to talk about it in person, but because of his work, he often struggles to stay in barcelona for long periods of time. so i get the feeling it might happen over a message or during a call

F = Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

bunny is someone who, for a long time, felt like marriage was a bit too much — maybe because of his teammates, who always seemed to have multiple flings going on at the same time. still, even with that bit of hesitation, i get the sense that he wouldn’t be afraid to get married in the not-so-distant future if he knew he’d found the right person. marriage is absolutely off the table for the first two or three years, but after that? trust me, he’s already googling the best way to propose. he just needs his certainties, that's all

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

he wouldn’t really describe himself as the rude type, but truth is, he has no problem suddenly wrapping his arms around your waist — so smoothly that you barely even notice at first. let’s just say he’s much more gentle on an emotional level: i see him as someone who has absolutely no issue listening for hours — and, strangely enough, he actually gives pretty good advice, even if he’s a bit unconventional

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

his hugs are slow, he wants to take his time and feel how your warmth blends with his. he especially loves hugs from behind, trust me

I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?)

i get the feeling he only says it when he knows he has to, otherwise you might explode. not because he doesn’t care, but simply because he prefers to show it in other ways: hugs, dinners at his or your favorite restaurant, little bows in your direction when he scores a goal. but he’s obsessed with how YOU say it with that slow and sassy voice. there, he completely loses himself

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)

he’s actually pretty jealous, the kind of jealousy he doesn’t hesitate to show even in front of the person involved. he’s the type who might kiss you, walk away, and leave the other guy standing there totally confused, while he just yells from afar "don’t even try. she has way higher standards"

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

like i said about hugs, he likes to take his time. i think his favorite places to be kissed are probably where he has the scar and, quite typically, his lips. he also loves kisses on the neck — but he prefers to be the one giving them

L = Little ones (How are they around children?)

he adores kids, but kids don’t always adore bunny. — at least, not at first. he enjoys chatting with his little fans, but some get a bit scared when they see his scar. he’s not offended, he knows it can be a little frightening to children, so every time he tells them he got it while saving a princess (you) from an evil dragon. that’s when the kids start to trust him more, and your cheeks get even redder

M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

when he has the chance to fall asleep and wake up with you by his side, expect the slowest, sweetest wake-up ever. his mornings are always busy when he has training or is away from barcelona because of matches and workouts, so when he gets the chance to pamper you, even if it’s just with breakfast, you can be sure he’ll do it

N = Night (How are nights spent with them?)

setting aside those kinds of nights, he actually loves taking a bath after dinner with you by his side, not necessarily in a sexual way: it’s his way to relax his nerves, talk, and spend time with you after a horribly busy day

O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

unfortunately, we still know almost nothing about his past, but im sure there’s some angst in his backstory. as Isagi said, bunny has an extremely sad smile — this makes me think that he’d probably take some time to talk about his past, masking reality behind the usual smile his fans know. would he open up? yes, but in due time

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)

does he have patience? yes. does he use it? not necessarily. overall, he’s a pretty patient man — he knows that both in life and on the field, goals and achievements take time to come to fruition. but if he fixates on something specific? he needs to have it immediately, like right now

Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

bunny isn’t someone who forgets, but someone who only shows he remembers when the time is right. he loves surprising you with sudden things — like giving you a bracelet you might have mentioned a month ago. he could never be with someone he doesn’t remember anything about, it would be senseless to love someone without knowing even the smallest, silliest details

R = Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

it was probably the moment he realized that his scar didn’t scare or disgust you. the realization hit him so suddenly that for a few seconds it unsettled him — because he isn’t very proud of that mark, which he thinks mars his face. he doesn’t get offended when others are scared by it, but the fact that you actually said you, in a way, appreciated it? that’s when he understood you were the right one

S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)

he knows very well how the paparazzi are always on his neck, like hungry vultures. every time you go out and someone starts taking pictures, he prefers to give you his cap to cover your face, or even his jacket if you're feeling extremely uncomfortable. h'd rather hide you by pulling you close to his chest and maybe kissing your head —but hey, only if you're okay with it. he doesn't want to make the situation heavier than it already is for you

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

he doesn’t know how to cook, he only puts effort into making breakfast. he’s strangely good at organizing dates because he knows which places you like and, at the same time, where you won’t be disturbed. he cleans the house, but please, don’t hand him a frying pan

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

he hugs you even when he’s still sweaty from training, and he does it on purposeand he does it on purpose. he drools a little on you when he sleeps on your chest buy yeah

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

if we ignore his worries about the scar, he’s actually someone who spends a lot of time in front of the mirror. maybe he’s getting ready and you’re on the bed — expect to see him flex for minutes, then turn to you and say "find someone like me. impossible. lucky you, you get to kiss me"

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

let’s say he’s used to the idea of not being close to you because of his job, but he doesn’t like it. he feels a little lost when he knows he’s really far away, but admitting it is out of the question

X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.)

he’d want a bunny just so he could name it after you and not feel like the only one with an animal name. imagine being in a pet store: he’d turn his head if someone mentioned a bunny! so he loves calling the bunny and watching both of you turn around, confused

Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

he thinks insulting someone’s appearance is the most senseless thing in the world. he can’t even conceive it, and it’s something he would never do to you because he knows what it’s like to have an obvious flaw (which isn’t really a flaw)

Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habits of theirs?)

he sleeps on your chest and drools without shame, only to tease himself and you about it the next morning. he loves to have at least one hand on you when he sleeps

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

his favorite part of his body are his hands, which can grab his favorite part of your body, your ass

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

he’s wickedly playful, with absolutely no shame in pushing you to your limit and saying "already like this? are you really that weak?" all with the worst smirk ever seen on the face of the earth. he loves to push you to the edge just to leave you without any real payoff, only to hear a mess of frustrated moans from you

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

you're pathetically weak when you're the jealous one, so beautiful with your arms crossed and an overly annoyed pout. he knows that girls, especially his fans, often cheer him on and objectify him, but seeing you jealous? that’s priceless. no one can take away a long slow sex session where all he does is tell you he loves only you and that you don’t have to worry about the others, that they ever be in your condition like you are now, all fucked up thanks to him

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

I know this is primarily a TWST blog but the idea of Miss Raven suddenly being transported into the kpop demon hunters' world and becoming the Saja Boys manager is just too interesting not to explore. Do you have any other headcanons of Miss Raven & the Saja boys especially Jinu interacting? I've been rewatching the movie 3 times now. I need more brainrot of them or Huntrix!

[Referencing this post (more specifically, one of the comments there)!]

Why is this what you guys think of 😭

YEAH I’ve watched the movie multiple times now too… It’s so good 🥺 It also helps the brain rot that there’s been a huge influx of fan content! I’ve seen so much fan art and even fics + headcanons and written scenarios (including here on Tumblr). May that sate us 🙏

I guess Raven gets to have the Yuu experience of being isekai’d and having to adapt to a new life in this world while looking for a way back home to here?? Maybe she manages to snag a job at an idol management company to support herself in the meantime and that’s how she ends up being assigned to this hot new boy group. (Raven doesn’t know they’re demons!) It should be fine, right?? She has experience with helping her uncle managing school events and wrangling misbehaving pretty boys. It’s also fitting that a raven would manage a demon boy band since Jinu already has his little demonic magpie companion.

She’s not emotionally invested in idol culture or the entertainment industry at large (these things don’t exist to a wild bird), so I think she could just buckle down and focus on the work. Very stern, no-nonsense, “eyes on the prize” type of manager. Her understanding of idols is that they “sell a fantasy” to fans, so she tells herself it’s similar to sharing stories, just in song form. That helps her wrap her mind around all this glamour and press attention that she’s not totally used to.

When Raven has to give interact with the boys she manages, I see her mainly interacting with their leader. Jinu seems the most well-spoken, polite, and level-headed of the group. She likes him for his professionalism www but I think she’d soon notice that he’s hiding something (like, it seems he has a lot on his mind he’s not saying?) but never asks about it directly because she doesn’t think it’s her business + she figures this is only a temporary arrangement. She’ll just give him a part on the shoulder and tell him he’s doing a good job as the leader and that if there’s anything he needs, then she’s here for him. You know, leave the door open so Jinu can approach if and when he feels comfortable about it.

We unfortunately don’t get to see much of the other Saja Boys in the film so it’s hard to gauge their personalities. I recall Mystery acting like a dog during the autograph signing, Baby drinking out of various bottles and acting sort of nonchalant, and Abby uh… being very confident about his figure?? I don’t remember much of Romance, he’s supposed to be the sensitive and romantic type. (According to one interview I saw, each member is inspired by a particular Kpop role or trope.)

I can only think of Raven scolding Abby for the way he dresses and his arrogance… To which he might tease her for staring/j (It sort of reminds her of Leona 💦) That’s a losing argument though, she might just be told it’s normal in the industry to “show off what you have” so she has to endure it.

Mystery doesn’t talk much, but Raven might have to roll up her paper and bonk him to keep him behaved if he starts barking or snapping his teeth. She doesn’t like that she can’t see his eyes. Eyes are “the windows to the soul”, so the fact that she can’t see his leaves her feeling a little uneasy.

In theory, I think she and Romance could see eye-to-eye, but she’d become increasingly put-off by him?? Like, he seems uncanny valley because of how perfectly manufactured his “romanticism” is. It starts to feel fake rather than things said/done out of any real passion, and that saddens Raven, who is a real romantic.

She finds Baby the easiest to approach (if we exclude Jinu) since he’s the youngest and has a baby face, but his attitude in the film gives me the impression he’s a little bratty and casually does what he wants (which seems to be just guzzling condiments and drinks) 😅 Whenever she and Baby have a disagreement, it kind of looks like two little kids fighting on the playground.

I know this wasn’t explicitly asked for, but!! I imagine Raven seeing Huntrix as cool onee-sans and Bobby as being similar to her uncle www

[sakurabraches]

see, you're right that glinda is complicit for most of the play, and i think i agree with like 90% of what you're saying, but i would argue your last point is a little imcomplete

glinda IS a warning about the dangers of being complicit in a fascist regime, i don't disagree. she says it herself: "there's a kind of a sort of cost / there's a couple of get lost," which is why she loses elphaba in the end. but she's also a lesson on how to overcome our own complacency and unlearn our privilege, and ultimately discover how to use our the power we do have for good

and the contradiction in glinda's character is that she's selfish, a coward, and willingly blind to the violence of the wizard's regime for most of the show, but she's also the one who ultimately topples that regime and is left with the power to do real good in oz

elphaba does important work on the front lines, but at the end of the day, she's one person against a regime, and she's limited. and as morally righteous as elphaba is (she's objectively a better person than glinda), her good deeds often come back to haunt her, or have unintended consequences. and she eventually crumples under the pressure of it all and crashes out and kidnaps and terrorizes a child (it's a valid crash out, but like holy shit elphaba chill)

elphaba's limited, and by for good she's at the end of her rope, and recognizes she's burned most of her bridges in oz and there's only so much good she herself can do. but glinda "can do all [she] couldn't do," which is why she passes the grimmerie onto her

now, glinda is only in this position because of the decisions she made. had she gotten on the broom with elphie or gone with her at any point, she would have given up all her social capital and either have ended up dead or burned herself out like elphaba and fiyero did

this doesn't mean glinda made the right decisions. she was still selfish and complicit. i'll maintain that glinda couldn't have gotten on the broom, but she could've done more within her role as glinda the good. though tbh i think accepting the role of glinda the good means on some level buying into the violence of the system and resigning herself to complicity in that violence, even if she had intended to overthrow it from within (and to be clear she had no such aspirations until FG).

again, glinda could have and should have acted better, and her guilt and regret is an important part of her character. but elphaba acts almost completely righteously imo, but as admirable as her rejection of the wizard's regime is, it very much limits her in the long run

so as much as glinda is complicit in the wizard's regime and part of the problem, you also need people like glinda, people who can stay and work within the system, but can be influenced by people like elphaba, to overcome fascist regimes--at least within the logic of wicked. the wizard and morrible can only be toppled when elphaba and glinda come together at kiamo ko. neither of them could have done it alone, but together they're unlimited

elphaba couldn't change oz, but she could change glinda. glinda couldn't save elphie, but she could save oz. something something greatest team that's ever been something something doomed yuri

as for the original question of whether glinda deserves to be alone, agree to disagree ig cuz imo "deserving" is a nebulous concept and i don't really know if anyone deserves anything so much as we're given what we're given and should strive to do the best we can with the situation we're in (sorry that was annoyingly philosophical)

glinda suffers from the consequences of her choices, just like how elphaba ends up in exile for her choices. i like glinda's ending and how it completes her arc, and i wouldn't change it. it's satisfying in the way it leaves you unsatisfied. things both could've been different but could've only ended like this

but by the end, glinda is glinda the good, and dedicated herself to doing right by oz to honor elphaba's legacy. she's done the work to redress the harm she's caused and has committed to moving forward as a better person

as someone who tends to favor restorative justice over retributive, i do feel bad the only friend that's mattered to her can never let her know she's alive, just as i feel bad that elphie's name can never be cleared. which is why i'm of the opinion that the matured glinda the good we see at the end of the play and who was willing to throw everything away to save elphie at kiamo deserves to know the woman she loves and changed oz for is alive the same way elphaba deserves to know she was right to trust glinda and her efforts to do good in oz ultimately paid off

again, not saying they should change the ending, cuz i like a tragedy too much, just that i'm left wishing things could be different for everyone and that both women deserved better, which i think all good tragedy does

it's weird to me when people are so adamant "oh glinda has to face consequences for her actions glinda has to be punished for her actions" not because they're wrong, but because what i find most compelling about glinda's character isn't the tragedy of "i was selfish and i lost everyone i loved" it's how she continually does learn from her mistakes and makes effort to be a better person

the ozdust is her first "oh shit" moment where she comes to term with the cruelty elphaba's faced her whole life and how galinda contributed to that. ariana said of the scene that being looked at and laughed at like that was galinda's worst fear, but in that moment it switches to doing something to put someone in that situation again. her joining the dance isn't just an attempt to fix it, but an acknowledgement of the harm she's done

this same arc plays out in act ii, albeit on a much wider scale. "thank goodness" establishes that glinda, despite claiming otherwise, isn't happy as glinda the good and really isn't proud of the role she's stepped into or the person she's become. and then nessa, fiyero, and the witch-hunting mob all happen in quick succession, and she gets a very rude awakening to just how much violence the wizard's regime (herself included) is capable of enacting

so she rides to kiamo ko ready to give up "glinda the good" to save elphaba, but elphaba insists that it's too late for her and passes her cause on to glinda. its also important to note that this is glinda putting the greater good (helping the Animals) over her personal needs/wants (wanting to save/be with elphaba). and as much as glinda is shoved back into a role she hates, i think she's also left with a clear sense of who she is and the power she does have and how she can do good

as much as glinda has regrets and sorrows and mistakes, she also consistently demonstrates an ability to learn from her mistakes and works to remedy them and ends the musical in a position where she really is glinda the good, even if she hadn't always been that. she's the one who removes the wizard and morrible and ultimately works to turn oz into the place elphie believed it could be. and i personally find this more compelling than her just being a cautionary tale about how selfishness and working for authoritarian dictators are bad

[honeyspeeches]

do you think Lance knew he was bisexual/liked Keith in early seasons when he was masking via exaggerated flirting with girls? given the Macross theory, Shiro + Lance holding the LGBT sign, and fact they wanted to show Adam in season 2, I was under the impression that he was in denial and Shiro would sorta help him guide him to the conclusion, but Shiro was also supposed to die like twice before season 7. Lance’s actions in the recent analysis imply some level of awareness in his attraction to me, so I’m just curious if you have an opinion in either direction

Lance knows to some extent that he has feelings for Keith, that’s why he’s hiding behind his flirting. Whether that’s because up until now he hasn’t liked boys before or whether it’s because he’s had his heart broken many times before I don’t know, I think it could go either way to be honest, especially considering that JDS talked about how the world Voltron lives in is one where people don’t really care about sexuality (here and here). So, Lance could be well aware that he’s attracted to men as well but he’s hiding it for other reasons, most likely because his feelings for Keith are serious, whereas his flirting is not, and he's scared to get into something serious, because he hasn't had luck with love in the past.

The show uses his flirting with both Keith and girls as a metaphor for bisexuality so it could also be that Lance just doesn’t know he’s bisexual. But I don’t know why he would hide it if that’s the case, since the world he lives in doesn’t care about stuff like that. The show is an allegory for growing into yourself, a sort of coming-of-age story if you will, especially for Lance, our main character. So, his journey in figuring out his feelings for Keith would be a very good allegory for realizing his sexuality (which is part of growing up) even if the universe he lives in doesn’t care about it, since the universe WE live in does, and very much so. Anyway, all that to say, yes, he is definitely aware of his feelings for Keith on some level, but the reason behind why he hides it is up to you to interpret; whether it's because Keith is a boy or whether it's because he is scared of being vulnerable like that with someone.

As for Shiro’s role in Lance figuring out his sexuality, I don’t think they were ever going to have a conversation about it like point-blank, because Shiro was supposed to die (multiple times), as you say. And as I found in the latest analysis, Lance pretty much figures things out on his own. HOWEVER, I believe Shiro’s role was supposed to be more subtle and indirect through his PARTNER, Adam. So Shiro was supposed to be the general Focker to the Claudia character, who urges one of the main characters to confess their feelings before it is too late, since General Focker (Shiro) died. That means Adam was supposed to be Claudia. I believe that was what Adam’s role was supposed to be; telling them to confess before it is too late. I don’t know if he was going to say this to Keith or Lance, it could be either one, even though I’m inclined to say Lance, just because then it would fulfill the LGBT sign LM posted and it would match better with Lance's arcs, love and self-worth, since, even though he's stopped hiding, he still hasn't confessed, which he needs to do to fulfill his arc. But it could also be Keith since Adam knows Keith better than Lance, and Keith also needs to confess, approach Lance in that way to fulfill his arc. I don’t know, we never saw it, but that’s what I think :’))

[arias-diaryy]

The Wherewithal

nishikiyama x reader

The title of Tojo Clan Patriarch doesn’t mean as much to those on the outskirts of his world. An unfortunate truth that Nishikiyama has had to grapple with.

warnings: f reader, possessive behavior, jealousy, stalking, idk he's just weird in this, age gap (reader is college aged, nishiki is 37), nishiki is (still) a sugar daddy lowkey, reader is a little bit dumb sorry, misogyny, rough sex, hopefully not too ooc, lightly proofread :l

authors notes: damn! this bitch crazy! 11.5k~ words

Nishikiyama used to be much better with women.

He’s not exactly sure what changed, or when it did. Maybe it happened around the time he stopped kissing the asses of his higher-ups. He has no need to sweet talk hostesses into sharing information, nothing gets past him anymore. No need to use his charm to bring around the women for the approval of ugly, narcisstic men. Not when he’s far above them now.

Still, he’s always regarded himself as having a generous bone in his body. Just one.

It’s more of a way to keep up appearances now more than anything. With power and prestige comes money, and with that comes women at his beck and call. When his hand isn’t cutting it, he can go to whichever– whoever interests him that week. He doesn’t even have to wave his cash around; there’s very little that the Nishikiyama family name can’t get him these days.

Though, the title of Tojo Clan Patriarch doesn’t mean as much to those on the outskirts of his world. An unfortunate truth that Nishikiyama has had to grapple with.

Club Shine had been rented out for the night, and while previously these sorts of shows of wealth were reserved for celebrations or milestones, tonight it was only because Nishikiyama didn’t want to bothered during his little free time. More importantly, it was because he could rent it out that he did. What’s the point of money if you won’t spend it? He made the mistake of not caring what music was put on, waving people off when they asked for his preference. Now he’s stuck with some obnoxious new-age pop blaring through the speakers, and the less refined of his men were somehow okay with it.

Yes, he could demand it be changed, or yank the chain of whichever bottom-feeder was closest and have them speak to the owner themselves. His gaze instead drops down to you, nestled right next to him and looking down at your lap. He can’t tell if you’re enjoying the music or not; he has a hard time getting a read on you in general. Is that disinterest on your face? Surely not, if you’re pressed so close against him by choice. The idea that he’s becoming out of touch with women is borderline unsettling to him.

His hand finds its way to your thigh, and he gives it a firm squeeze to grab your attention. You look up at Nishikiyama, he only spares you a glance. As if you were the one trying to get his attention. Your gaze flicks to his wrist. The watch he’s got on his wrist is silver, it matches his tie. Past experience leads you to believe that he’s waiting for you to fawn over the jewlery. You can’t name the brand for the life of you, you’re certainly not in the tax bracket to have even heard of it. 

“Your watch is new,” Your mild excitement is rehearsed, and you gesture to the piece. You know better than to touch it. “When did you get it?” At that, Nishikiyama grins. It’s surface level, slight, and it doesn’t reach his eyes. A way of saying good job, rather than thank you, or expressing any feelings of flattery. You could’ve acted more interested, he thinks. This watch cost a pretty penny, afterall. “Last week. Glad you finally noticed it,” He says with a hint of disdain veiled as amusement. “Too busy looking at the floor?” You don’t respond with equal snark, though you consider it. “I just zoned out for a second, sorry.” You really don’t think you have anything to be sorry for.

Nishikiyama snorts, his hand moving from your thigh. His arm settles across your shoulder, and if he were able to pull you any closer he would. “I don’t know how you can zone out. I can barely hear my own thoughts in here.” “Then why are we here?” You ask, and his lips twitch downward. For half a second, it looks like he’s scowling at you. It passes as soon as it comes, and Nishikiyama’s face defaults into a cold, unreadable one. It’s unpleasant all the same. He can’t tell if you’re clueless or just trying to raise his blood pressure. 

“Because I rented this place out.” He reminds you, raising a brow slightly. “Would you rather go somewhere else?” He could take you somewhere else, it wouldn’t be a dent in his pockets. Whether his offer is genuine or not, you can’t tell, and so you err on the side of caution in your response. It’s not like you wanted to be here, Nishikiyama only showed up outside your apartment door to demand you get ready. That he had somewhere nice to take you. And the only reason you ever let him know where you lived was because he insisted on walking you home one night. What a gentleman.

Nishikiyama doesn’t really relax when you deny his offer, instead taking a sip of his glass. You’ve taken periodic sips from yours, if only so he doesn’t pester you about it. You have nothing else to focus on but the alcohol you’re pretending to like and Nishikiyama’s probing questions; no conversations from others to overhear and no way to measure time but his watch which is now out of view. You two are the only ones in this booth, in the entire section, actually. Maybe it doesn’t matter, it’s not like there’s anyone in this building that could give you an out; the owner certainly isn’t going to tell a Tojo Clan patriarch to pack up and leave because the club was closing soon.

In the past, you’d disclosed a bit more than you should’ve, moreso to keep up conversation. It didn’t seem like such a bad idea; you doubted some older man with more responsibilities than you could imagine would be so invested in your trivial hobbies and your day-to-day, even if he encouraged your chattiness. It was almost refreshing, you could talk about your grievances with others with little inhibition, it’s not like he cared or kept up with half of it. You got to try some fancy food, he got the company of a cute girl (and sex, the prize of the night). You quickly cut it out when he 1. Began showing up outside of your college campus to pick you up and 2. Pointed out a classmate of yours by name and asked if that was the one you had been ranting about a week prior. So now, your answers tend to be on the more vague side. As vague as you can get without him asking what’s up with you. 

This was going to be your last semester anyway, now is as good a time as any to slowly fade from Nishikiyama’s life. Let him get tired of your nonchalance and lose interest. You’ll just be one of the many women he spent his time and disposable cash on. Perhaps he’s already begun to think of you as somewhat of a bore. You’re sure he’s seeing a few other women already, and has a handful more on the backburner. Not that you go out to clubs often enough to catch a glimpse of Nishikyama out with a couple of other women hanging off of him… Now that you think about it, he and other men of his status probably don’t frequent the same clubs and bars you do.

You don’t know how the other women at your college do it. It’s become rather popular (or maybe you keep running in the same few circles over and over), to find a rich man to pay for your tuition and your books. It frees up the time that would be spent working to be spent on partying. 

You were apprehensive to even try it, even though the other women in your program talked it up as the greatest thing since sliced bread. It didn’t matter if he was a lawyer, a doctor, married, or a yakuza. The type of man who would be so blase about spending money on a young lady of the night typically had a revolving door of women anyway, rarely did they want any strings attached. 

You can’t say you were keen on the idea of finding a man or two to get some money from, as tempting as it was. One of the women in your study group, Amane, always came with a new bag each week. You’d be lying if you said you weren’t jealous, your job as a bartender barely was enough to pay for rent. Maybe a new pair of shoes once in a blue moon. She made it seem so easy, she offered to take you with her to some of the clubs she frequented once. Said she’d hook you up with a guy, she’d recommend you. You turned her down, though the offer always stood.

Turns out, you wouldn’t need to go to a club looking like a lost cat in search of a man; Nishikiyama came to you.

A man you’ve never seen before comes through the front door. He’s yakuza, no doubt, but what business does he have here? Neither you nor the owner have any outstanding debts that you’re aware of. His hair is slicked back, his suit is pristine, and his cologne smells like a mix of cedar and saffron. Expensive, a few hints away from gaudy. None of it matches the rundown nature of the Champion District, run down and grimey. And yet, he’s here anyway.

Contrary to what you might’ve gleaned from his dress, there’s no disdain in his expression when he sits down. He doesn’t seem turned off in any way by the peeling paint or the way the barstools creak when they swivel. He’s accustomed to nicer amenities, but this isn’t foreign to him either. He takes a quick glance at the rest of the bar before he orders. 

“The bar I usually go to isn’t open, owner wasn’t feeling well.” He says without your prompting, watching you pour his drink. You don’t know what to say, so you stay quiet. That only lasts so long, because he tries fishing a conversation out of you again. “A friend of mine recommended this place.” You can’t imagine a guy who dresses like this keeps friends that frequent this part of Kamuroucho. You figure you should say something. “Really? Who's your friend?” Oddly enough, he doesn’t answer your question, nor does he say anything when you slide him his glass of whiskey.

He lightly swirls his drink around, staring at the glass, looking for any imperfection. A crack, a fingerprint, anything. He finds none, yet still isn’t satisfied. “Do you offer custom glasses?” You find his question a little jarring, he’s been here for around four minutes and he already wants his own glass? Surely he doesn’t intend on being a regular. “Not that I know of, I’d have to check with the owner.” The man raises a brow, but doesn’t prod further. Still, you feel the need to say something. Anything. “I uh, I just started working here a few weeks ago.”

He seems to accept your answer. His eyes take a sweep of the bar before he speaks again. It’s cramped, there’s only five barstools, including the one he’s sat on. The back wall is covered in advertisements and posters to hide the cracks in the foundation, and behind the bar isn’t much roomier. His gaze settles back onto you. “Are you working here by yourself tonight?” Though he tries, he’s unable to sound friendly or warm. “Yeah,” You nod, unable to think of anything to preoccupy yourself with. The one radio in the bar, nestled in the back on a dusty shelf, is playing one of those trendy EuroPop songs. The man glances at it, then back at you. You get the hint.

“I can change the song, if you want. We have a few CD’s I can put in.” “You can just turn it off.” He says, and you oblige. The man keeps talking, not taking his eyes off of you. “It’s no good that the owner makes a young woman work by herself, especially at night. This isn’t a safe area either.” As you walk back behind the bar in a new silence, he continues. “Are you a college student?” He seems to have his answer before you can respond, the corners of his mouth twitching into a smile. You’re not sure what gave it away, maybe it was your age, or your choice outfit. “There must have been better jobs you could’ve taken if you needed cash.”

This guy likes to hear himself talk, you decide. You haven’t so much as gotten a word in, and he’s already making assumptions about you. He’s on the mark, yes… but still. You force a polite smile, you’re worried that he can see right through you. “I like this job, it pays well enough.” He scoffs, but doesn’t call you out on your lie. The conversation that ensues feels more like a job interview. You haven’t gotten his name, yet he’s asking all sorts of questions. What you do when you’re not studying, if you like karaoke, where you and your friends go on your days off. 

You’re not sure if you should feel flattered or not. Ideally, you don’t want to be on this guy's radar at all. However, since circumstances don’t permit it, you think you should be grateful that he likes you. He’s hardly touched his drink, only taking a sip every now and then between each puff of his cigarette. God, you really need to ask about fixing the ventilation in this place.

“What about a boyfriend? No one waiting for you at home?”

And so has come the dreaded question.

You should just lie. What’s he going to do, call you out on it? He just met you an hour ago. Oh, but what if he does call your bluff? You’re the only person here, the bar owner is gone for the night. You were supposed to handle things yourself. Nobody ever comes in here! The night you’re all alone, some big shot yakuza appears? What if his friends are outside? He’s been really friendly this whole time though, aside from his invasive questions. You should just lie.

“No, I don’t have one.”

You mentally wonder if you’re stupid.

“Really? Could’ve fooled me. A cute girl like you… I would’ve guessed someone had snatched you up by now.” He says, and you can only imagine how many other women he’s fed that line to. You’re too sick with anxiety to feel flattered. That grin on his face looks more smarmy than it does charming.

Looking back, you should have just lied. 

If you knew then what you know now, that Nishiki wouldn’t have bothered with you if you had a boyfriend, you would’ve lied. Why would he, when so many other ladies of the night were single and available to him? What ego boost would it be to steal you away from some chump who clearly wasn’t doing so well, if his girlfriend was working in a shady bar? It’d be like stealing candy from a baby, and that’s no fun.

The walk from the club to the car waiting for Nishikiyama (and by extension, you) feels like a blur. No pleasantries are exchanged between him and anyone else. The only one who even noticed you two leaving was a man who kept coming up to the booth you sat in with Nishikiyama, periodically offering to fetch his patriarch another drink as if he was some server. For all the work he put in to get the patriarch’s attention and good graces, Nishikiyama couldn’t be bothered to so much as glance his way. You’re ushered (pigeoned) into the backseat, Nishikiyama following you while another yakuza closes the car door shut, blocking out the one-sided conversation that was just happening.

The silence that follows on the drive is refreshing after spending the better part of the night listening to dance music. Neither you nor Nishiki make any moves to close the distance between you two. In fact, NIshikiyama doesn’t look any less tense than he did in the car. You look out of the window, at all the people passing by and the neon lights dimmed by the near-black tint of the car windows. Before your mind can wander very far, Nishikiyama tugs on its leash to get your attention.

“Hey,” A calloused hand finds its way to your thigh. Nishiki has been inching closer whilst you weren’t looking, but he’s just far enough away that he has to outstretch his arm to get a grip on you. “Why don’t we go for karaoke, I’ll let you pick any song you want.” He thinks it an olive branch; clearly you had been bothered about something tonight. He’s seen you livelier at the convenience store. While he’s willing to let your near apathy tonight go and regard it as a fluke, he’d like for you to get back to being energetic sometime before the night ends.

For a reason that he doesn’t like, it feels as though you tossed a wet blanket at him when you decline. Your perceived impertinence makes Nishikiyama’s blood hot. Does he need to balance a dog biscuit on his nose for you to pay attention to him? Before he can offer to take you somewhere else, you toss another wet blanket at him in the form of a curt “I want to go home.” 

Well, that’s not exactly what you said. You were neither curt nor flippant; you had sprinkled in a “sorry”, plastered on a sweet smile and glanced away shyly. It made him want to throw up in his mouth. Nishikiyama had once gotten you drunk and willing enough that you’d talked around him in circles, going at length about your grievances with a particular professor and your neighbors in the shitbox of an apartment complex you lived in. Your words, not his. Not the intended outcome, though he can’t say it was unwelcome. In his effort to get you to connect with him again like that again, you’ve only begun to pull away in the last few weeks. What gives?

It wasn’t a boyfriend, although Nishikiyama almost wishes it was. A tangible person to blame your ficklness on, someone he could cut out from the picture to redirect your focus. No, he’s done his research, far too much, and deduced that there was no other man trying to whisk you away. He’s listened in on tapped phone conversations and staked outside of your frequent spots (namely Cafe Alps) to see if you’d be meeting someone there. You never were, which only served to frustrate him. The idea that the rift between you two is internal doesn’t sit well with Nishikiyama at all.

He knows he shouldn’t argue, but he can’t help himself. You’re practically dangling yourself in front of him, taking two steps back everytime he takes one step forward. How can he not get irked by your behavior? He’s doesn’t even have to give you a choice in the matter, he could have the driver lock the doors and drive you both somewhere far more secluded until you decide to play nice. Nishikiyama is being on his best behavior right now and you’re disregarding all of it. 

“What, you have something better to do?” Nishikiyama scoffs, brows furrowed. He looks at you, gauging your expression for anything that give something away. He isn’t even sure what he’s looking for, which just irritates him further. What could there be that you’d rather do? Who could there be who can offer you more than him? Nobody, he knows that. Don’t you? His fingers tap on the top of his knee. “I’m taking you out, you can show some more appreciation.” Nishikiyama says, and it almost sounds like a sneer. You’d be stupid to pass this opportunity up. 

Briefly deciding to change tactics, he relaxes his face out of the scowl that it tends to default to lately. “You need to loosen up; girls your age should be more lively.” A smile graces his features as he continues, “One night out won’t kill you.” He squeezes your thigh again, and his expression nearly falls as you gingerly brush his hand off of your leg.

You look at him, put off by that expression he’s making. It doesn’t look natural in the slightest and it’s having the opposite effect of disarming you. “I told you, I have a test the day after tomorrow, I want to study for it before I take it.” Nishikiyama lets out a bark of laughter, though he isn’t the slightest bit amused by your reasoning. It’s forced, a way to mask his bubbling irritation. You’re more clueless than he thought. He’s been giving you more money than you know what to do with, you’ve already paid for this semester and all of your books. To you, the money is life changing. To him, it’s practically pennies.

“And then what? What are you going to do when you finally get your degree?” He finally meets your gaze, looking down at you with an expression that teeters the line between condescending and disbelieving. As if you’re some child telling your future plan to become president of the world. “I’ll get a job?” The answer is so obvious to you, the fact that you even have to clarify it for him makes you unsure. Nishikiyama laughs again, this time sounding like he really found what you said to be funny. You’re stupid, he thinks. Stupider than he was at your age.

A job. A regular job. Is that all you see for yourself? Are you blind to the opportunity you’re being presented with? Was this your attempt at being humble? Nishikiyama would be angrier with you if he didn’t find your line of thinking so ridiculous. “Really? Is that all? You aren’t seeing the bigger picture?”

You don’t respond, and Nishikiyama is getting increasingly bothered since you won’t continue the conversation. It lulls into a silence that is only barely tolerable; it’s near stifling. Nishikiyama’s hand rests on his thigh, and you can see a cut on where his pinky connects to his palm. It’s small, the skin broken and scraped. You can’t remember if he had that earlier at the club or not. In the dim light of the car, it looks like there’s blood. Not actively bleeding, but it could at the slightest irritation.

You reach into your purse, more of a handbag. Nishikiyama had bought you that as well; surprised you with it just as you were leaving work one night. You pull out one of the few bandaids tucked into your bag, ones you keep just in case your shoes start digging into your heel. Nishikiyama, feigning total disinterest, continues looking out of the car window. It isn’t until he feels your hand on his that his attention snaps back to you.

Is this it? Are you finally crossing the line of (semi) public sex? Making up for your attitude with a handjob? He’d been attempting to ease you into the prospect for a while now, with little to no success. This was the time young women are supposed to be a little more wild and daring afterall, save the prudish modesty for the salesman you’ll marry down the line. It wouldn’t be the first time that he’s got it on with someone in the back of this taxi. Your touch is firm, surprisingly so. What, do you plan on having him by the balls? Your hand is gone before he can even imagine what it feels like between his legs. 

Nishikiyama stares down at the bandaid you’ve applied onto his hand. The newfound pressure makes him aware that he even had an injury at all. His lips purse, and he finally meets your gaze, none too pleased. 

“I don’t need that.”

“You shouldn’t leave it uncovered.” 

“It’s fine.” 

“It might get infected.”

Nishikiyama isn’t sure how much he believes you, and you don’t exactly believe your own words. It’s more of an ego thing, on both ends of course. You don’t want your help to be discarded, Nishikiyama doesn’t want you treating him like he needs your assistance. He hates it when you do that, when you try to be helpful. There’s an uncomfortable feeling in his throat everytime, it all feels too genuine. Too real. In theory he’d take in all he can get and more, in practice it makes his stomach hurt. Moreso that it feels like you’re slipping out of his fingers more and more with each night out.

Part of him doesn’t know what he’s getting so worked up for. She’s disposable, he tells himself. But damn it if things were going to end, it’d be on his terms, not yours. 

When the taxi comes to the edge of the Champion District, Nishikiyama makes a point to get out to open the door for you. He tries not to think about the dirt and pebbles staining the soles of his shoes. When you step out, he takes a firm hold of your arm before letting you slink back into the dark alleys of the district. He leans in, ensuring that you’ll listen this time.

“Next time, I’d like us to spend a bit more time with each other.” 

It isn’t a request or a plea, it edges the line of a demand. To that, you only acknowledge he even said anything at all before taking your leave. Something polite, something nice, something that makes him wonder if you even understood that he wasn’t too happy with you right now. Something that feels condescending to Nishikiyama, but he only watches you go in stewing silence.

Shaking him off is going to be harder than you initially thought.

-

Nishikiyama hasn’t seen you in a week.

Five days, to be exact. Five days and a little over thirteen hours; round that up and it’s a week. You haven’t called him, he knows you called a few other people. But not him. The tap on the phone he bought you is a blessing and a curse, he wishes he didn’t have to see the outgoing calls you make to other people. 

He rounds one of the many corners of the Champion District, slightly regretting wearing such a nice suit as he maneuvers around the puddles of grime water. He has many like it, and can easily get another, but he wore his favorite today, just to see you. It wouldn’t be a good look if he came with dirt flecked onto his white pants. Tch, not his fault that you insist upon working and living in the armpit of Kamurocho. He really needs to get you out of here. He makes a mental note to take you apartment hunting with him sometime, he’ll force the keys of your new place into your hand if he has to. 

While he has a multitude of reservations about plopping you into his own home (one being that it’s almost unfurnished aside from the bare essentials, no amount of expensive paintings or useless decor was making him feel less empty inside, so he tossed everything out), somewhere closer and less grimey would be convenient…

As he nears Shellac, he stops in the alley when he hears voices. Yours, thank God, and another man’s. His brow furrows, he peeks from behind the wall of another establishment to see who it is. It’s not the bar owner, Nishikiyama long ruled that old bag of lentils out as a potential rival. The man’s outfit is normal looking enough that he doubts it’s a member of one of the petty gangs that have sprouted up lately. His words have a slight slur, though he can stand on his own, so no reason for you to be out there with him.

He isn’t a boyfriend, Nishikiyama would’ve known about it. Not that he would 100% discount the possibility that you’re the type of girl to have a roster; nothing is certain when it comes to people, of course. But, it would be out of character for you. Yet, there you are, letting this guy chat you up. And you’re laughing. Not that fake giggle that women do when they don’t know how to respond, where they cover their mouth and put a hand on the poor chump's shoulder. No, you’re laughing at whatever unfunny joke that guy just told. 

He stands in the dark corner for a few minutes longer. It shouldn’t matter, it doesn’t matter; but you’re wearing the necklace that Nishikiyama bought you and laughing at another man’s poor attempt at humor. Even with the pendant of the necklace tucked into your shirt, the chain is recognizable to Nishikiyama. What, didn’t you like the diamond? Didn’t you like the color pink? Did you not want to show it off? He makes another mental note to take you shopping with him next time. Maybe you’d wisen up if you saw just how much money his gifts cost. 

As soon as the man leaves, he comes out from hiding to confront you. Nishikiyama is almost physically unable to play it cool. His gait is smooth only from careful rehearsal and calculation, twitching hands begging to be curled into fists shoved into his suit pockets. No, not now. Not here. He prepares a rehearsed greeting, though the first thing that comes out of his mouth is “Who the hell was that?”

You look surprised to see him, yet that deer-caught-in-headlights look that he’s anticipating isn’t there. He almost wishes it was, just so he could prove himself right. Why is it making his chest hurt? He saw an ad the other day in the newspaper encouraging people to quit smoking. Some health risks that Nishikiyama didn’t read. Maybe all those packs are catching up to him. Maybe it’s his age.

“He’s a customer. I was just seeing him out.” “You’re closing up?” You nod, and Nishikiyama glances at the bar. The neon lights on the outside are shut off, and it doesn’t seem like any of the lights are on inside. You are closing up, even if it’s half an hour earlier than you normally do. The owner isn’t anywhere to be seen. You must be trying to go home early. He wonders if you were trying to avoid seeing him tonight.

“Is he a friend of yours?” “He’s a customer.” He wants to grab you by the shoulders and shake you. “I know that.” Nishikiyama says through gritted teeth. He’s not stupid. He pauses, trying to figure out how to get the most straightforward answer from you. “Do you like him?” “He’s a nice person.” Nishikiyama’s eyes narrow in annoyance. God, he hates it when you do that, being all roundabout. Who raised you? You don’t break eye contact like he expected, instead waiting on him to respond. He’s silent for a few more seconds, wondering if you’ll explain away what he just saw. Wondering if you’ll crack first in a game that only he’s playing. 

Nishiki breaks first, forcing a scoff. “Well, I’m sure he’s real nice to you.” He says, trying and failing to sound dismissive. Whatever string of words comes out of your mouth goes through one ear and out the other. All Nishikiyama can think of is the mess that’d ensue if the bullet he put between that guy's eyes got traced back to the Tojo Clan. He can’t believe you, he can’t believe himself.

He stares at your face, trying to figure something out. When he can’t immediately point out any signs of deception, any sign that you liked another man’s attention more than you let on, his grimace deepens. You keep talking, not breaking eye contact. Please stop looking at him. “I have to be nice to the regulars, it’s bad business for the owner if I drive them all off.” No you don’t, you don’t have to be nice to anyone. Not even him, he really doesn’t deserve it.

You must have noticed his growing displeasure, that’s a first. Perhaps his poker face isn’t as good as he thought. Perhaps you’ve begun to know him more than he’d like you to. You reach for his hand, and against his reflexes, he lets you take it. His mouth twitches into a sneer, he wants to hate you. He wants to feel angry, to feel vindicated in his earlier assessments. Your hand is much softer, neither calloused nor stained in blood. Don’t do that, don’t hold his hand. He’s not some kid, he doesn’t need this. “But I’m free for the rest of tonight, we should go out.”

He wants to laugh. Now you’re offering to spend time with him? You didn’t roll the ball into his court, you placed it right into his hands like an idiot. You probably think you’re doing Nishikiyama a favor. Oh sure, offer to spend time with the guy who holds your livelihood in his hands. Does it make you feel better? Does it make you feel like you’ve got the upper hand? You’re nowhere near as smart as you think you are, you know. Better he reject you now before you get the chance to do it. That’ll show you; you have a lot of nerve getting chummy with another man, then crawling back to him to appease him.

He looks down at your hands, having already made up his mind despite wanting to pretend otherwise. You’re too nice for your own good. It wouldn’t be good business for the owner if you chased off his customers, no. He doesn’t know why you feel like you owe the bar owner anything, perhaps a byproduct of your niceness. He glances at the purse you’ve got on your shoulder, it’s not one he bought for you. You don’t want the nice one to get dirty, as if Nishikiyama wouldn’t replace it for you if he saw a single mark on it. There’s a keychain dangling from it, the kind you get from gachapon machines. How childish.

He doesn’t know the name of the one you have, he doesn’t know the name of any of them. He’s seen the mascot a few times, on poster boards when he was trying to win toys from the arcade for Yuko. It was a decent distraction from the rest of his life at first, though he was quick to bribe whatever teenager was working behind the desk to just let him buy whatever plushie looked cutest. That was a long time ago, though, those stuffed animals are shoved into a box collecting dust in his closet now. He had no reason to ever step in that arcade again. The kids would probably be scared away by the big bad yakuza if he did.

Yuko would’ve liked having a keychain like that. It’s just her style. 

Finally, Nishikiyama looks back at you. His face isn’t scrunched into a scowl anymore, and if you didn’t know better you might have thought he looked rather resigned. To what, you didn’t know. He takes a firm grasp of one of your hands before speaking.

“Come on, let’s go.” 

-

You didn’t need to be a clinical psychologist to know that Nishikiyama used sex as a form of stress relief.

You’ve gotten used to laying beneath him, arms collapsed and Nishikiyama holding your hips up while he pounds into you from behind. Every now and then, you make an occasional noise to let him know that yes, he’s doing a great job. It’s frustrating, he’s going at such a pace that you’re on the cusp of actually getting anywhere. He’s inattentive, rough, and constantly stealing glances at himself in the hotel mirror to see if he still looks good as the years have gone by. No wonder a guy like him would prefer to subject women to his idea of good sex, rather than just buy a fleshlight.

His clothes were discarded onto the floor, yours being torn off haphazardly. He’d torn off your top with enough force that one of the buttons had fallen off entirely. Bitemarks, some deeper than others, line your neck and shoulders. He’s being noticeably rougher tonight, though Nishikiyama was never particularly gentle to begin with. There’s an occasional slap or tug of your hair to let you know that yes, there is a human behind you, not just some aggressive fuck-machine. His fingernails dig into your skin, and he’s far less concerned with your pleasure than usual. Whatever floats his boat, you suppose. Just when you think you might have something, that it’s starting to feel good, Nishikiyama’s hips stutter into you even faster before the warmth of his body is quickly removed. He finishes across your back, and you stifle a noise at the feeling of his cum splattering against your skin. You still haven’t gotten used to it.

When he’s done, you’re too sore to do much of anything. Nishikyama seems rather proud of his performance, smirking to himself. It soon fades into an almost neutral expression and he flips you onto your back so that he can see your face. He’s a little out of breath, face and ears red and palms sweaty. Nishikiyama, with what you hesitate to describe as carefulness, slots himself on top of you like a puzzle piece. Arms on either side of your head to support his weight, some of his slicked back hair begins to fall across his face. 

You look up at him, unsure of what to make of his expression. His brows aren’t furrowed, though the frown lines are still present from years of maintaining such a sour expression. There’s a brief pause as you both take each other in. “How’d your test go?”

“Huh?”

“Your test. Last week.” He reminds you. You hadn't thought he’d remember. “Oh, I did good. I passed.” You’re surprised he’s even asking about that, did he run out of conversation topics. “Your studying paid off, then.” He murmurs, his gaze dropping to your neck. He dips down, pressing kisses against your jawline absentmindedly. He’s being oddly gentle, you can’t say it’s unwelcome. Just… unexpected. Whether this is more for him or for yourself, you aren’t sure.

Your arms come to wrap around his neck, one of your hands finding its way into his hair. At that, the tension in his muscles dissipates, but only by a fraction. Even more of his weight is pressed on you. It’s odd, dare you say jarring to see this man threaten to unravel like this. You can’t say you’re opposed to it, though. Unsure of what to do with your hand, you run it through his hair a few times. That earns you a noise of contentment from him, confirming your suspicion that this is more for him than it is you.

Soon enough, he starts back up, and you spread your legs a little further to make room for him. The sex is slow, you’re trapped between Nishikiyama and the mattress. There isn’t an inch of space between you two, legs entangled and his mouth on your neck. Sweat sticks the two of you together, binding his body to yours. It’s incredibly intimate, more than you expected or are comfortable with. Nishikiyama mumbles something you don’t catch under his breath, though you could have mistaken a moan for actual words. You stay relatively quiet as well, an odd sense of foreboding pooling in your abdomen rather than the typical arousal.

-

Nishikiyama leans back in his office chair, his thumb gently running over the photo in his hand. It was a photo of you in highschool, alongside others who are presumably your friends. So you were a popular girl, he’s almost a little jealous. Had you two been in school at the same time, would you have ever looked his way? When he’s done staring at your face, he moves on to the next photo in the stack. He’s not sure when this one was taken, presumably in between you graduating highschool and enrolling into college. 

It’s of a similar nature, you being surrounded by a group of friends. You’re in the middle, looking as cute as a button. He grasps the edge of the photo, and with some force, tears off the sides so that only you remain. You had promised earlier in the week that you’d give him a call when you were free, a call he was still waiting on. Looking at old photos was a fun way to pass the time however, and he laps up any information he can gleam just from a picture. They do speak a thousand words, afterall.

Having a bunch of men that do his bidding without question or hesitation sure does come in handy; though this was the one time he couldn’t delegate rudimentary tasks to them. What, demand one of them to take photo albums and old keepsakes of some young woman? What kind of image does that paint? A patriarch that’s also some skirt-chasing pervert? No, as undignified as it was, Nishikiyama went to the lengths to build his collection himself. Only a small portion was in his office, small things like chapsticks and the pens you were partial to, things he can stow in drawers and out of sight. More personal things were kept in the privacy of his home; ranging from undergarments to your old phone.

You’re the woman he’s spent the longest time with thus far. He tells himself that it’s convenience, even though it’s a pain in the ass to walk to and from the Champion District to visit Shellac to make sure he’s your only customer of the night. It’s partially because you haven’t offered your services to anyone else either; whether it be because you feel like you owe Nishikiyama some loyalty because of how much he pays or if it’s your roundabout way of wanting exclusivity. As nice as the latter sounds, Nishikiyama forces himself to go with the former reasoning. That’s just as good too, isn’t it? 

He’s never expected any of the women he frequents to be loyal. Most of them are, since they technically are on his payroll. A lot are opportunists, and he can’t say he hates them for it. They’ve got some brain behind those tits, he’ll give them that. Perhaps you are too, Nishikiyama wouldn’t know. He snatched you up long before some lower level yakuza could flash some bills in your face and show you a good time. Then again, you were a bit too prudish for the new money man’s taste anyway. 

Those thoughts are quickly pushed away. No, you aren’t like that. You’re a smart girl, you’re working hard to get your little degree. Dense as a doorknob? Sometimes. But you have enough sense to not overly misstep. You don’t have time for some hot blooded youngster, not when you have a Tojo Clan Patriarch’s arm to dangle yourself off of. At the rate Nishikiyama is going, should everything work out, he’ll be the fourth chairman. 

He can imagine it now, all of Kamuroucho in the palm of his hand. He really ought to arrange for you to come to the Tojo Clan Headquarters one day, if only so you could marvel at his portrait. Girls your age are into older guys, more experienced guys, right? Guys with money, the type of man that could spoil them rotten. He knows he shouldn’t discount you, knows that women can lie and act cruelly in ways some men can’t fathom. Feelings can be fickle, but the answer is obvious, isn’t it? 

Yes, of course you’ll come back to him. He’s financially well-off, more than any college sweetheart of yours could ever hope to be. He’s handsome, he wears the finest of suits, and he’s got hundreds of men that he keeps in check, at his beck and call. Whatever little boyfriend you may get on the side probably could buy you a bottle of wine, but Nishikiyama could rent— no, buy an entire club for you, and all of their stock. If you asked for it, it would be done.

Nishikiyama has to refrain from laughing at himself. How ridiculous, getting so wound up over the possibility that you’d leave him for another man. You wouldn’t do that, you can’t do that. He hasn’t even realized that his leg has been bouncing nervously for the last ten minutes. Just when were you going to call? He had been warned against coming off as too desperate, given advice in off handed comments in his past. He has no one to confide in these days, perhaps he didn’t ten years ago either. Kiryu never had any solid advice when it came to women, what Nishikiyama saw as stiff and awkward lone wolf behavior came off as some sort of dreamy bad-boy type to women. He can get a similar fawning behavior by waving some bills around, dangling a carrot in a cute girl's face, but it’ll never go past that. 

And can he go to Reina? Reina, who sits behind the bar of Serena waiting on Nishikiyama like an abandoned puppy? He used to not be able to look at her, that was so long ago now that he can hardly place the overwhelming shame that came with seeing her. She still dotes on him on the few nights a month he swings by, and each time something like pity stirs in his gut. Just looking at her makes him depressed. He can’t ask anyone in the Tojo Clan, what a moronic idea. Not that he has any friends there anyway, only the dogs beneath him and the pigs beside him. Sometimes, he thinks they’re laughing at him. Mocking him.

Their day will come.

He sets the photos aside for now, reaching for a phone of his like a bad habit. He bites his thumb nail idly, chewing on the keratin while looking through your call log. Every conversation he’s had a chance to listen in on, you never mention him. Wouldn’t you want to brag to your friends? He’s going to be ill if he sits through another two hour phone call of you and some other bird reviewing a textbook just to see if his name will pop up in conversation. Your voice combined with the monotonous reading is almost enough to put him to sleep; sometimes he pretends you’re talking to him if your study partner goes quiet for long enough. 

He continues chewing on his fingernail, waiting for his phone to begin ringing at any moment. Are you with some other guy, is that why you aren’t calling? Have one of your friends tried to set you up on a date? What if–

“Gack—!!” Nishikiyama drops the phone, staring in disbelief at his thumb. Shit, he bit his nail right off. “Fuck!” He peels the removed nail from between his teeth, gawking at it. Fucking gross.

Just when all hope is seemingly lost, his phone starts to ring. It’s fate, it must be. He’s worked so hard, life is finally offering him some respite. Yes, that must be it. In a clumsy attempt to grab the phone, Nishikiyama ends up on his knees on the floor. The phone had flipped shut when he dropped it, and it’s an arduous task to open it with a bleeding thumb. After fiddling with the device for for what feels like minutes on end (in actuality, being around fifteen seconds); he manages, eagerly pressing the Accept Call button. He’s so relieved, so desperate to finally hear your voice again, he could just cream his pants.

“Ah, yes—“

“Boss! There’s an issue with the collections, the guys’ saying he already got shook down by another family. He’s refusing to pay!”

Nishikiyama’s lips curl into an ugly snarl. His fist hits the ground, his jaw clenched and teeth grinding together. Of course. When has anything ever come to him easily? He only responds after taking a second to accept that the voice on the other end isn’t yours, and that you are in fact, not calling for Nishikiyama to come sweep you away and take you somewhere only he knows.

“What the fuck are you talking about? What guy?”

“Uh, on Taihei Boulevard—“

“So what the fuck are you calling me for?! Can’t you handle this yourself? Do I have to come down there and do everything for you?!” Nishikiyama spits into his phone, and he can practically hear the lackey on the other end flinch. If it was so important, it should have gone through the family captain. What kind of business did these fuckers have trying to call him? Don’t they know he’s busy?  He doesn’t wait for a response. He flips his phone shut harder than he needed to, ending the call. “Damn it, damn it, damn it, damn it!!” 

By the time Nishikiyama is done punching the carpeted floor of his office, his knuckles are red and his thumb hurts even more. He stifles a whine, biting the inside of his cheek. It hurts more than he expected it to; no wonder ripping off fingernails was standard practice during interrogations. He’s almost curled into himself now, laying hunched over on the floor. Weakly, he flips his phone open on the off chance he missed a call from you. He didn’t, but he does see the number of the asswipe who dared to interrupt him.

Ah. That was the family captain.

He can’t take this anymore, he needs to see you, before he really starts losing it.

-

Love is a strange word.

It’s not one he’s necessarily afraid of, if the Nishikiyama from a few years ago met the you of today, he’d happily use it. He’d tell it to you over and over, till you got sick of him. Maybe you’d kiss him to shut him up. Wouldn’t that be nice? 

He’s a jaded man, though. 

You make him feel small, weak and pliable. Like a dog waiting for table scraps, yet he’s the one paying your bills. Paying for your clothes and your shoes, making sure you look presentable when he takes you to hang off his arm. It should be the other way around, you should be pining for his approval. He didn’t want to meet new people anyway, especially not a woman like you. He hates it, he doesn’t know if he hates you for it.

He wouldn’t describe what he feels for you as love. That’s inappropriate, it almost feels juvenile to say to himself. Love, in the truest sense, is a term mainly reserved for women and their children. An ugly part of him repeats the mantra that it’s a term unbefitting of a man like him, regardless of his many achievements. No, what he feels for you is happenstance. Hormones cloying with each other; such tension is only natural when a man and a woman are often in each other's proximity.

Like is a better word. It’s just a notch above tolerate, it seems like a fair judgement. Nishikiyama would go as far to say that he likes you a lot. He likes the mascot keychains you clip to everything you can, he likes the bandaid you put on his hand a few weeks ago; he put it back on his thumb earlier (albeit with another bandaid ontop to keep it in place). He likes the scent of the hand lotion you use and the sound of your voice. He liked it when you were energetic and taking control of the conversation, something you’ve been doing less of. Parts of you frustrate him to no end, your lack of eagerness to spend money and now that you’re drawing back from him, but in general he does like you. 

Love implies trust, something he hasn’t felt in a long time. Is it likely that you’ll align yourself with the ilk that wants him gone, and that you’ll stab him in the back once the occasion arises? No, not really. But you’re young and naive, it’s only by Nishikiyama’s careful ministrations that no one else has gotten to you yet. By nature of your age and ignorance of his reality, you’re susceptible to manipulation. The Tojo Clan isn’t exactly a woman’s world, the last thing he needs is his one respite being swept up and used against him. 

On your end as well, Nishikiyama is all too aware that you’re keeping him at arms length. It’s not like he’s exactly let you into his mind, but that’s to be expected. No sensible woman is taking money from a man in exchange for sex assuming that she’s going to get a real, sappy relationship out of it. Perhaps you’re too sensible for your own good. Even in moments when you’re alone, not clinging to him for show, you don’t tell Nishikiyama any more than what he asks of you. You confide very little to him anymore, omitting even the minor things. You’re completely useless. 

And here he is, coming to find you anyway. If it’s cold feet you have regarding the lifestyle you’ve dipped your toes into, he supposes he’ll have to deal with that. What you could be so worried about, he doesn’t know. Shouldn’t you feel reassured that he likes you? He could buy out your whole apartment complex if you so much as complained about rising rent costs, if you disliked your boss then the Nishikiyama family could chase him out of business. If you voiced a complaint against someone, they’d disappear on behalf of the Nishikiyama family.

He’ll get an answer from you on that another time, for now, he just has to lay eyes on you. Make sure you’re still there. For his own sake.

Nishikiyama glances at the digital clock on the nightstand, the only light in the room. 2:43 AM. If he fell asleep within the next seventeen minutes, he’d get a solid five hours of sleep. 

Hypnogogia begins to set in. Lately, it’s been his favorite thing, an omen of something good to come. He used to prolong going to sleep, putting it off until he physically couldn’t. It was never pleasant, it was like being dunked into freezing water every time he closed his eyes. Sometimes, he’d dream of Yuko. He’d wake up still hearing all those hospital monitors ringing in his ears, the smell of linoleum and cleaning supplies. Other times, it was Yumi; sometimes when he woke up he could still feel the weight of the gun in his hands, and he’d wake up with trembing fingers.

More often than not, he’d dream of Kiryu. Of all the things that he’d done, the things he should’ve done, the things he’d never do. On the worst nights, he’d toss and turn and wake up in a cold sweat. Fear, regret and depression waned into agitation and isolation. Spurred into obsession, no amount of self reassurance or antacids could stop that awful gnawing in his stomach. One time, he’d been so shaken up that he nearly took himself down to the prison to meet with his brother.

He likes to think that he’s made peace with it by now. He doesn’t even have nightmares anymore. 

Just as he’s about to cross that line into the realm of sleep, something beside him moves and yanks him out of his limerence. He becomes overly aware of his surroundings now, from the soft whirr of the hotel air conditioner to his own breathing. Feeling around on the nightstand, he flicks on the lamp to see you out of bed, already having your shirt back on and presumably looking for your shorts on the floor. Or maybe it was a skirt, he can’t recall. No, it must have been a skirt. Nishiki pushes that thought away, what you were wearing isn’t as important as what you’re doing.

“Where’re you going?” He asks, sounding more tired than agitated. It’s rare to see the man so casual, for lack of better term. You look at him, and it seems you haven’t gotten a wink of sleep this entire time. You’re caught off guard, and it takes you a second to respond. “I’m going home.” “Why?” “I have a morning class.” 

Nishikiyama thinks for a moment. Today is Sunday– no, it’s past midnight, it’s Monday… which means you aren’t lying. He’s well acquainted with your schedule by now, regretfully he can’t accuse you of making things up just to get away from him. Not that he has the energy to go back and forth with you right now. “I’ll drive you there in the morning.” He says, trying to coax you back to bed. “You should get some sleep.” You don’t respond right away, glancing instead at the digital clock by the lamp. 

“I’ll wake you up early, just come on.” He’s getting increasingly more irate the longer you stand there, and against your better judgement, you slink back into bed with the man. He shifts closer, pulling the blanket over you as a means of trapping you in. Nishikiyama offers no aprobation when you come to rest at his side. Your skin is cold against his, it sends an odd shiver through him. How long had you been out of bed? He pulls you closer, moving so that his head is angle with your chest. You seem to accept your role as big spoon, and Nishikiyama gets a good earful of your heartbeat.

Ba-dump, ba-dump, ba-dump

It doesn’t take long for him to fall asleep.

For what it’s worth, you’re a good respite from the misery of being a yakuza. He had been so naive to think that the title of patriarch would make him feel better about himself. No, not when there was still so much work to be done. The men underneath him, eager as they are to please, are borderline incompetent sometimes. On his worst days, he feels like a zookeeper raising chimps. When he talks to you, a feeling that he’s regretfully familiar with washes over him. Like ocean waves hitting jagged rocks, slowly chipping away at them.

He wonders if you feel the same, if he’s as fresh of a breath of air to you as you are to him. He must be, don’t you get sick of those college punks, bound to the whims of their hormones and the sudden rush of freedom that comes with adulthood. The type of guys who will amount to bottom feeder salary men? They don’t know work ethic, not like Nishikiyama does. They couldn’t give you the high life that he knows you must want. It’s a constant reassurance, to have someone in his corner completely divorced from his piteous past. No, he’ll do right by you, if only to make up for where he’s failed before.

He wishes he could know what goes on in that brain of yours. If he had the ability to pick it apart, to analyze every single gyri and sulci, he would. Would you like to pick him apart as well? Are you even interested? Sometimes, he thinks you’re just as jaded as he is. He wants you to be.

He’s called your number twice before actually getting the nerve to leave his office. He gave you the benefit of the doubt the first time it went to voicemail, the second time you didn’t pick up nearly had his teeth shattering out of his skull from how hard his jaw clenched. Wasn’t it too early for you to be asleep? His mind jumps to the possibility that you’re intentionally ignoring him.

No, best he see if you’re at home first. You shouldn’t have been working tonight, and you scantly go out at night unless it’s with him. While it wouldn’t be out of norm for you to be out with friends, he’d expect you to pick up the phone. He’s getting irritated thinking about it, and settles for taking a visit back to the Champion District to see you. Not having the patience to call to be driven there, Nishikiyama snatches his car keys from his desk before heading out of the office.

It isn’t until he parks right outside of the Champion District that he realizes he’s worn white slacks again to this dump. He clicks his tongue in annoyance, taking the keys from the ignition and stuffing them into his pocket. You’ll have to make up for this somehow. His mind drifts to the how as he sidesteps puddles and a drunk man or two. Nishikiyama slithers his way through the district, into the tiny complex and right outside your apartment door. 

He knocks.

He knocks again.

…

He knocks a third time, with considerably more force this time.

When there is no answer, his mouth settles into a firm line, the corners of his lips being dragged downwards into a frown. Nishikiyama reaches for the doorknob and rests his hand on it in a death grip. You’re really going to make him break in, aren’t you? You’re a selfish girl.

As he breaks the lock, it takes him back to many years ago. He can still remember the first time he learned to break into a place, the thrill that it came with. The trust it fosters, knowing that he wasn’t doing it alone. It must have been, what, almost twenty years ago? The memory is stomped out quickly, and he moves inside, closing the door behind him and blocking out the only lightsource coming from the hallway. When the lights of your apartment are turned on, there’s no sign of you.

For all the research and care he’s put into keeping an eye on you, Nishikiyama has never actually been inside your apartment. He’s seen glimpses, looking over your shoulder while you were trying to close the door on him on the nights he escorted you home. If you were anyone else, he’d have sent some of his men inside to scope the place out. That’d be too impersonal for someone like you, too undignified. No, you’re best handled by Nishikiyama directly.

Oh, how he’s fallen. When someone does something he doesn’t like, he gets rid of them. When you do something that grates his nerves, (or rather, it’s what you’re not doing), he’s coming to your home to satisfy himself. He may as well be kneeling at your feet, like a child wondering why his parent isn’t reciprocating affection. 

You’re so annoying.

There’s a faint smell of cooking lingering, meat if he had to guess, and some seasoning that he can’t place. The man wasn’t good with ingredients, never did his own cooking. When he looks down at where your shoes are, he lets out a small tsk. A few of your shoes, flats and kitten heels, are kept on the shoe rack. Some pairs he recognizes as ones he bought for you. Others are scattered in the foyer, namely your sneakers and a pair of plain heels. He doesn’t know why you still have them, he ought to throw them away. It’d be doing you a favor. Nishikiyama decides to take his shoes off, it is your home after all. He likes you enough to not bring in the dirt from the ground outside into your home, even if it is your fault that the soles of his shoes have become filthy.

He traipses through your apartment, the run down nature of it bringing up unpleasant memories. What were you doing with the money he gave you? Wasn’t it enough to rent a place in a nicer part of the city? He took you as the frugal type, but this was just ridiculous. At least your place wasn’t a studio… It takes him less than a minute to find your bedroom, denoted by a soft glow coming from under the door. A night light? He supposes he’ll find out when he gets inside.

You’re close, only separated by the wooden door. Nishiki leans against the door, pressing his ear against the paneling. He can’t hear you, you must be asleep. His hand rests on the doorknob, and he closes his eyes to gather himself. He’s just going for a minute, only to see you. To know that you’re still there, that you’ll stay there. The door opens with a painful creak, making him cringe. His eyes are trained on you, and you don’t stir. You must be used to the noises in the night; from here he can hear the beeping of cars and your upstairs neighbor shuffling around. You do have a nightlight, one positioned close to the door and plugged into the socket. Nishikiyama can barely make anything out in the darkness, though, clearly you needed a replacement.

What he can see is another lightsource. He turns on the lamp on your nightstand, illuminating the room in a dim, warm glow. There you are.

With as much care as he can muster, he lowers himself onto your bed, right on top of you. You’ll wake up, you’ll question what he’s doing here, and why. But that can all be answered later. Right now, he needs this. With the majority of his weight supported by his arms, caging you in beneath him, Nishikiyama lowers his head to your chest.

Ba-dump, ba-dump, ba-dump

It’s like music to his ears.

When he’s satisfied with your presence, he crawls over you and into the bed. It’s a tight squeeze, your bed is a twin, and he’s laid between you and the wall. The little space on the bed is already being filled up with heavy textbooks and a particularly large stuffed animal. Some sort of carnival prize, if Nishikiyama had to guess. He wonders if you won that for yourself, or if some guy got it for you? Some summer fling?

Before he can think for too long about it, you stir in your sleep. Nishikiyama perks up, watching you open your eyes. He’d be surprised if you didn’t start shrieking at the realization that there’s a man in your bed, and he lightly cups your mouth with his hand preemptively. He gives you a moment to adjust before speaking lowly. “It’s just me,”  He presses your body further against his. “I wanted to see you again.” He whispers, close to your ear. It sends a shiver up your spine in all the worst ways possible.

Your initial thought was that this was some sleep paralysis demon; not that it would explain that it’s talking. Your subconscious fear and avoidance of Nishikiyama manifesting into an odd nightmare; though it’s becoming painfully evident that this is your waking reality. Your initial panicky unease turns into near-petrification. He’s in your apartment, in your bed, trying to make sure you don’t scream. This is so much worse than a nightmare. The only smidgen of relief you’re afforded is that the man still has his clothes on.

When your body doesn’t relax in his arms the way Nishiki had wanted, he turns you so that you’re facing him. You can see him now, chest to chest and with the lamp dimly illuminating his features. He doesn’t look like he’s gotten much sleep over the last few days. He’s always looked a little tired, but it’s really visible now. His hands settle on your head and your back respectively, his hold just a notch away from firm. It takes you far longer than you would’ve liked for you to find your voice, dread washing over you and leaving you a mess of pins and needles. Nishikiyama doesn’t seem so perturbed by the situation, you can’t tell if he’s expecting you to be (rightfully) alarmed or if he’s looking for you to be relieved that he’s with you. 

You stare up at him for a while before finally shoving the words out of your mouth, stumbling over a cross of “How did you get in” and “Why are you here” before settling on “What are you doing?”. Nishikiyama doesn’t look at you, his own palms slightly sweaty. “I told you already.” He murmurs, his muscles finally relaxing. He doesn’t think too much, about how sick he is with himself for seeking you out or how he’ll have to deal with you. “Just go back to sleep, you’re fine.”

Did you even know it? That you chiseled your way into his heart? Clawed through the dead tissue and nestled into his chest cavity? He’ll keep you there, kept safe between his ribs. Caged in, if he must. He won’t lose you. Not when he has the means to keep you now. Nishikiyama presses further against you, and he takes a long, satisfactory whiff of your hair. You haven’t spoken to him further yet, maybe it’s a good thing. He knows, not so far deep down, that you’re afraid right now. That’s fine, as a matter of fact it’s expected. Still, nothing that can’t be smoothed over dinner. Nishikiyama had been meaning to go to a new steakhouse that had opened up nearby the family office, now he had the perfect excuse.

Right now, though, all he needed was some sleep.

------

additional authors notes:

this is my first time writing for this guy… hopefully not too ooc, i nearly scrapped this entire thing like forty times because i wasnt able to get him down pact lololol

this took months because i was busy with school and i kept extending it, it ended up being 20 pages on google docs! this time next year, i'll be graduated with my bachelors and i'll probably have even less time to write because ill be working xD

[kiweegamez]

My Nightmare sans design!

My nightmare sans can be called Maro (as in Marrow) to distinguish him from others :3. +Ectobody in the 4th image.

5’3”ft without shoes. 5’6”ft with the platforms.

He’s a mix of bitchmare and nicemare in a way. These two types are common in Nightmare sans variants.

Bitchmare- a relentless tyrant with little respect for anyone and is incredibly violent and does not show care for his minions.

Nicemare- A calm nightmare variant, one that takes care of his minions. Befriends others and is a lot more logical than a bitchmare (sometimes).

So Maro is generally level-headed, looking after his minions making sure their needs are met ect. However they know to distance themselves from him as when he gets angry or stressed he snaps a lot easier and becomes much more aggressive becoming a brutal monster. But outside of these times he’s much more calm, quiet, and overall someone nice to talk to. He has good advice, so take it. He understands the concept of karma, and if someone hurts his minions for no reason he can sometimes retaliate later on. But he also disciplines the boys, not cruelly unfair, but to what he sees fit. He likes to drink wine, tea and coffee. (Best of all worlds. But not mixed all together because THAT would be disgusting)

If you share a hobby with him, such as telling or showing him what you like. He will listen, even if he has no interest in the hobby, he still likes to learn. Sometimes if he remembers well enough, he’ll try and get you the object you like for your birthday. He sometimes reads books. He likes to read plays :).

And yes, his tentacles have this weird formation looking like a little horn, it’s useful. To an extent. He can change the size, number and length of his tentacles but opts for the classic four medium ones. AND YES. HE COULD TECHNICALLY TURN ONE INTO A PREHENSILE TENTACLE TAIL. He also wears the gloves as the clacking of his clawed hands sometimes irritate him and he doesn’t like how they feel : (. Same with the other baggy clothes, it’s mostly so he can also move with little restriction as tight clothes make him start to panic as he feels even more trapped than he already is. He also has to wear orthotics in his shoes as his feet sometimes roll and has pain in his feet from standing so much. (He also paces around to pass the time.)

Also the star marking is to remind him of the eye he no longer has because why not 😈.

edit: I CAN FINALLY START POSTING LOREEEEE

Nightmare sans belongs to Jokublog

(Some lore on him and Torans soon!~)

🔽||Related Posts||🔽

[mymusingss]

I normally don't talk about this because I don't feel like is my place, but I just need to share my own knowledge of Scientology because I have seen things on the tag.

Please, be aware that this post contains mentions of psychological abuse, torture, vomiting, coercive control, brain washing, verbal abuse and physical abuse and it also addresses the bond between cult leaders and some of their victims.

This is my perspective as a Psychologist, but I am not providing any diagnosis nor am I saying this is what happened to him, I am giving context and sharing what I know.

I want to start out by pointing the obvious. Tom Cruise was extremely young when he joined the cult. He had just barely made it to Hollywood when he was introduced to David Miscaviege by his first wife.

Tom Cruise hits the three major characteristics of a cult survivor: He was young (most studies point that young adults are more likely to join cults), he was naive and he knew someone who was a part of it.

Tom Cruise has been the person with the most hours of audition in the story of the cult. He was left vomiting after spending hours alone speaking of his darkest secrets, going through God knows what else.

As stated before, predators, sex offenders, serial killers and cult leaders all have something in common - the ability to see who is more vulnerable to their tactics. Cult leaders share the same traits as preferential offenders, they can dee vulnerability, they can yield it, use it, turn into what they want it to be.

Unfortunately, Tom's vulnerabilities were very noticeable for someone like Miscaviege. If you know what to look for, they become quite glaring. He grew up poor, with an abusive father, was abandoned and raised by his mother after that.

Despite all that, he never seemed to have lost this air of innocence about him that makes him even more of a target. On the contrary, through his interviews we can spot something else: child like curiosity. People like that - prone to being curious and to wanting to get to know others can also fall victim of cults.

His abusive father also plays a role because cults are very good at appearing to give their victims a sense of belonging they will not find anywhere else.

This - and other facts- are the reasons why Miscaviege seemed to be so infatuated with Tom - the extent of that was never fully explained nor addressed.

However, it is known that Miscaviege would have others spy on him on the daily basis. He would also mock him, berate him, call him stupid, and do other things to further isolate him.

Why didn't he leave?

He did though. Twice. Both times, Miscaviege used spies and would have people following him in order to make him paranoid and make him come back.

I think it is absolutely necessary that people understand that Tom Cruise's relationship with Miscaviege and Scientology has always been extremely dark and dire.

In many ways, Tom was Miscaviege's favorite. He was the golden boy - the proof the cult worked. They only way they'd let him leave was if he kept quiet, or if he died. Being Miscaviege' golden goose did not put him in the advantage, on the contrary, it just meant he would be at more risk of being tortured, isolated and hurt.

Which he was.

What Miscaviege did to him is torture. Having a person auditioning for hours on end without allowing them to stop, having them share their secrets to a camera in a room and forcing to say whatever is psychological torture.

Having the transcripts of what he said read at parties to humiliate him is torture.

Making people follow him to make him paranoid is torture.

Using surveillance is torture.

Abusing them, isolating them, making them choose your cult over their own family is torture.

The reason Tom Cruise is still alive is because it would be a shit show if he had ended up dead after under going levels of psychological terror that would break almost anyone.

He is alive because they needed him alive. They fed him stories about psychiatry and medication because they knew any psychologist worth their degree would see he was being controlled to the point of breaking.

They had control over every aspect of his life. The brain washing they did on that man is frankly one of the scariest shits I have ever heard in my life.

The bond between cult leaders and some victims can sometimes be akin to the bond between abusers and their victims. A pact is formed between them, some type of symbiotic bond where the victim starts to see the perpetrator as a victim of the world.

There is a reason why Jim Jones has managed to convince hundreds of people into killing themselves. There is a reason why people killed on the behalf of Charles Manson.

Every time Tom Cruise has tried to leave they pulled him back him by making him extremely paranoid, by isolating him, by making him feel that the world was against him.

He had stopped having control over his life. Every step he took was controlled by them, Miscaviege could not afford to lose Tom Cruise of all people, and so a myth was born.

I don't think we will ever know the extent of the damage done to him, or what has happened under close doors, unless he chooses to say something about it. However, it is important to note that Tom Cruise hasn't spoken about the cult in over 10 years at this point.

Can he leave? I frankly do not know.

The fact that he is the cult victim with the most hours of audition is scary to me, because we don't know what was said or shared in those tapes or what was done to him. I am not sure is safe for him, sometimes I feel like he even got lucky he left out alive at all.

[laura1633]

One of my favorite examples recently (and it’s really bc I don’t know that much about Villeneuve) is that Nico Rosberg won 20+ races and a whole championship- against Lewis Hamilton at that - and yet I don’t think anyone would consider putting him anywhere near the GOAT conversation.

Because that is simply not enough!

Oscar is doing a fine job in the car he has (only fine because he’s still not maximizing that cars full potential and I stand by that) but what does that even mean? We literally saw a rookie jump in for a FP1 session and immediately be top 4 this weekend.

Oscar got the second best car halfway through his rookie season and the best car a few races into his second year in F1. So I’m sorry but podiums and a few wins is not that impressive to me.

Show me what he does when he doesn’t have the best car. Will he still be able to win? Like Max does, like Charles does.

Heck, let him dominate the grid and break records in that rocket ship of a McLaren.

But currently he is doing neither and how can anyone actually put him into a conversation with the greatest drivers this sport has ever seen when he has neither achieved anything even close to what they have nor exactly shown himself capable of doing what they did?

Words used to have meaning and I fear phrases like generational and goat are thrown around way too carelessly these days.

Sorry I didn’t get around to responding to this the other day anon but it's a really great point. I think people are too quick to throw around the phrases generational and goat. I know it's easy to get carried away when it's your favourite driver but even so, we can support drivers and think they are amazing and not immediately try and throw them into the goat conversation lol. 

One world championship, especially a championship in the fastest car, is nowhere near enough to even be considered one of the greatest of all time. Same as having a few consecutive race wins in the fastest car, it's not all that impressive. 

2023 shows you what one of the greatest drivers of all time can do in the fastest car and this season has not been anywhere near that level. Even if you want to argue that the two drivers are more evenly matched than Max/Checo were so are sharing the wins that still doesn’t account for Max’s wins and George’s win and Lewis' sprint win plus all the pole positions. 

If you are going to argue a driver is one of the greatest drivers of all time based off the performance in a season where they have the outright fastest car then they better be completely destroying everyone and showing impeccable skill week in week out. And even then I think I would want to see that skill level continue to be displayed across seasons before I think they could even enter the conversation. 

This is not anti Oscar, its just saying that he is still early in his career and is currently driving the fastest car. He’s doing what he needs to do right now which is being ahead of Lando and scoring good points consistently but if I still have to fight people over the fact Max is a goat then we can’t be adding Oscar into the conversation right now. 

And I still maintain that even if Lando or Oscar win the championship this year that doesn't somehow automatically make them a better driver than Charles. And I will fight anyone on this point.

[ninthcircleofprythian]

tell me about everyone's ideal partner: Who they want versus What they need

pls and thank you

Ok - big brain time.

Rhysand - He wants an equal. Someone just as adventurous and strong willed as he is. A level playing field. Someone soft but also fierce. What he needs is someone to put him in his place every now and then lol. I think he's so used to being in charge and making all the important decisions that someone taking control and making him beg for it would do wonders. I also think someone willing to indulge in his obvious desire for a threesome would make him ecstatic.

Cassian - I think Cassian wants a strong personality. He like a sassy, kinda bitchy partner. It's fun for him. I think he likes giving orders and taking charge - you know - being a General and all it makes sense. He likes a little pushback. What he needs is to be stepped on. And I think he would love it. I think Cassian has a hidden desire to be bossed around and told what to do. Would he crawl on all fours and love it? I think so. Cassian needs someone to collar him and tell him he's a good boy.

Azriel - OK, strictly canon speaking - I don't think Az knows what he wants. Az's ideal partner is actually therapy lol. But vibes? I think he wants someone soft and delicate. Someone he can protect and nurture. I think he has it in his head that he needs to be the more dominant one that he's put himself in that role. What he needs is someone who will flip the script from time to time. I don't think Az is strictly JUST dominant or JUST submissive. I think it varies. And he needs someone that can do both. Not necessarily in a kinky/bedroom kinda way but just in an emotional way. He carries a lot of guilt/shame/fear/trauma and he needs someone to get past that with him and make him feel seen and loved.

Eris - I think Eris does kinda favor the beauty/power combo which is why he was so drawn to Nesta. Eris is hard because he very much is like 2 different people. The one he presents and the one he actually is. Presentation wise I think he wants beauty/power because its expected and also alluring. What he needs is a strong personality but not necessarily strong in POWER. He needs someone that can stand his wit and sassiness without offense but can also be his safe space. He needs to be able to let the mask fall and still have a place to land ya know? I do think he would enjoy a partner who kinda takes the spotlight off of him a bit. Strong in opinion or morals or whatever. Outspoken. I think he would like to show off his partner a bit and would take a lot of pride in seeing them at his side and not shrinking. I've said it before and I'll say it again, Eris is a bit of a sugar daddy lol. Behind closed doors though I think that Eris and his partner both are very tender and loving and compliment each other with quiet and calm.

Lucien - I think Lucien wants someone to love him fiercely. He's been outcast in so many ways for so long that he craves being wanted. I think he would also love a partner who surprises him a bit. Maybe they come across as very demure and softspoken but they have some kick too. Someone funny and a little bit silly. Overall Lucien wants and needs happiness. I just want that poor man to be happy damn it.

Tamlin - He wants to feel like the protector. He wants someone a little bit on the fragile side. Someone who makes him feel useful and needed. I do think that Tamlin falls more on the masculine end of the spectrum as far as falling into a traditional role in a relationship. He needs someone he can love tenderly. Lead a quiet life rebuilding his Court and live happily ever after.

Beron - What he wants? I truly don't know lol. What he needs? Someone who will match his freak and let him steal their underwear all he wants. Maybe they hide it secretly around the house as little surprises for him. I think he also needs someone who won't get too attached and be ok leading a bit of a seperate life.

This got kinda long winded so if you want me to do the ladies in a seperate post I'm more than happy to.

[sunnnfish]

hey we *should* talk abt tashiro and loneliness! sometimes i get reminded of that page in second anime guidebook extra where tashiro is just quietly observing around and when he says its gonna be lonely kuresawa does his glasses thing,,, and what happened to lonelines,,, we definitely should talk about it

okay i need to lock in. hello anon thank you so much for letting me unleash this unto the world. buckle up strap in Here we go.

TASHIRO GONZABUROU AND LONELINESS: AN IMPROMPTU ESSAY

first we are all going to look at this excerpt from the Sasaki and Miyano: First Years Novel:

“So you’re never coming back, President?” I said. “I ain’t President anymore.” “Not the point! I haven’t beat you yet…” I clenched my fists, a yawning, lonely feeling of loss opening within me. “Ahh. You mean the thing about getting to quit if you win? The next president’ll keep that promise. Don’t you worry.” “What?” I don’t get it. What happened to the loneliness? The new president—in other words, Hanzawa.

a bit of context just in case you're here and you don't know yet: Tashiro's chapter in the first years novel deals with his joining of the ping pong club, which he initially did as a joke kind of but couldn't leave until he beat the club president (really good at ping pong). so he's downright stuck. and he doesn't like to admit it but he dedicates a lot of his time trying to beat the president. and he never does win. and then the president graduates and hanzawa is the new president. so it's like. for a moment, all that time and dedication and well. friendship. was being taken away from him. i think the previous president was maybe one of the closest people he had. takes two to play ping pong, and all that. it's a conversation. hurts to have your partner taken away.

and then we get the second guidebook extras. where fucking this happens:

and afterwards miyano thinks about loneliness and Sasaki graduating but we're Not Going To Get Into That. sooo funny you're comparing hanzashiro and sasamiya harusono shou Sorry. this isn't about that. anyways. we see it here again. Tashiro's president is graduating again. and he feels lonely. and this time there's no one to replace it. that yawning, lonely feeling of loss. (<-just. a really insane way to describe it. insanely profound. harusono shou and hachijo kotoko Answer my calls.)

so those kind of set the stage for me being completely totally insane. even before these, i kinda always had the feeling of like. what I've mentioned in my other posts. about how hes Friends With Everyone but not close with anyone. he's quite surface level. and those he Was rather close with, the prospect of losing them makes him lonely so easily. even just graduating. not getting to see them every day. and like. when he does let that feeling slip in the guidebook extra, everyone is kinda. stunned. like that show of vulnerability isn't normal at all from him. the way it's also framed as rainy and gloomy, and especially that dim panel of him smiling but thinking "it feels like not even half of them are still around…" its ominous as hell. he's so melancholic about it. but he still puts on that smiley facade. and looks around like it's a ghost town when nobody's looking.

another facet of it is his sharp insight. he's really good about noticing things about other people. and he's a really good listener. so i think a lot of people just. end up telling him things. but he doesn't really tell other people things. which is what i mean by friends with everybody but not close with anybody. people open up to him, but he doesn't open up to them. and the only people he was getting there with go on and graduate. leaves him lonely.

so it's all kinda like. he's very surface level social. in a way that nobody thinks he's got anything else going on. hes a Fun Guy!! nothing wrong over here! not that he necessarily has anything Wrong. just the feeling of like. he could have like a dead parent and nobody would know something was amiss. thats kinda dramatic but. yknow. he doesn't really talk about his feelings. anyways.

last aspect of the loneliness i wanna touch on a bit is his relationship with his parents. we. don't get much. one mention of them in his miso soup conversation:

“Man, that makes no sense to me! For one thing, we don’t even have miso every day at my house. If I want some, I just grab a packet of the instant stuff and boil up some water—on my own. I guess sometimes my folks ask me to make some for them, too, and I grab two packets.” “Huh! Wait, isn’t it actually expensive to make two people’s worth?” “Sure is. If that goes on for a couple days, my mom is like, it would be cheaper just to make a bunch at once! She always says laziness is the root of wasting money. And I’m like, I know that! But I keep making that soup.”

we'll get more into all that again later. focusing on his folks here. we can infer here that his parents don't seem to cook that often. it falls to him to make dinner for them all sometimes. and. i dunno. something about this makes them read as kinda distant. not in a neglectful or hurtful way... just. they don't care about what he does. like. I don't think he told them or asked permission to bleach his hair. he just Did It and came home and they were like Oh! well thats cool i guess [thumbs up]. i don't think he's very close with them either. like. he doesn't know How to open up, maybe. didn't grow up with it. that may be stretching it a bit though. whatever. either way, he keeps making that soup (miso soup metaphor for love. we'll get into it later).

so it's like. he does love his friends. he just sucks at opening up about his #feelings. and nobody could tell if he was truly upset about something. and everybody wants to hang out with someone else. it's played off for jokes but kuresawa and miyano often abandon him during breaks and holidays to hang out with their #lovers. though everybody note that shirahama is probably the exception to most of this. but he's also bad at talking about feelings so they don't really Talk about it. but he Knows. and they like to #hangout. (and thats part of what makes shirashiro so good to me. shirahama can ask a "hey are you okay" in a way that no one else can. #bestfriends) anyways.

i thiiink. that's everything. thank you for coming to my ted talk. thesis: Tashiro is secretly a pretty lonely guy but god forbid he Tell Anyone. peace and love on planet Tashiro gonzaburou….

[plasticine-paws]

can u tell me more abt bixby … i rly like him :)

Awwww thank you! Of course! I'll ramble a bit x)

Bixby grew up in a big family with a lot of siblings and unpleasant emotionally distant conservative parents. As expected of a balloon dog he pursued work as an entertainer and greatly enjoyed being a circus clown, even achieving a certain amount of notoriety (as far as circus clowns go). Making people laugh felt freeing and rewarding. Unfortunately, for a reason he prefers not do disclose he lost his job and gave up on his passion entirely.

He was so devastated he tried to distance himself from it as much as possible (going as far as to change his snout to less resemble a balloon dog yes phahahaha) and spent the rest of his youth in a wild rebellious state. He was partying wild, wearing leather, picking fights and probably frequenting gloryholes. When he started growing out of it he decided he needs to settle down with a good respectable job, thinking back to his parents' values. He was still deeply drawn to the entertainment industry and thought maybe he could return not as a star act but rather as someone behind the scenes.

He had a steady career with managing and producing but struck gold when he took a young incubus, Ballyhoo, under his wing. He met him when the young man was trying to do standup at a bar Bixby was in. What Ballyhoo lacked in experience he compensated in natural charm, conventionally attractive appearance and a pleasant personality. He got Ballyhoo his own successful TV show which soon lead to the young man becoming a whole brand.

Bixby has complicated feelings towards his protégé.

On one hand, he sees something of himself in him, something he lost long ago, and finds it healing to cultivate his career where his own failed. Some misguided fatherly feelings in there too. Ballyhoo is his closest person at this point and Bixby appreciates him deeply.

On the other hand, Bixby as he is currently is awfully grumpy and jaded and cynical and Ballyhoo's naivety and overly familiar affections get on his nerves as well stoke jealousy. He can often be rude, demanding and dismissive.

Misc

I imagine Bixby has multiple past divorces and at least one kid (butch daughter butch daughter) and wishes to find a beautiful respectable middle-aged woman and it's NOOOT WORKING OUT.

His queerness is buried under too many levels of repression and shame and toxic masculinity to accurately say anything about his sexuality and gender. Functionally bisexual and curious about crossdressing.

He gives Ballyhoo shitty boomer life advice

He deflates from exhaustion and pops from stress but always comes back through unexplainable cartoon logic.

His stinger is very attractive and cool by balloon dog standards.

He has a new york accent

He lives in a big sad empty penthouse

Bixby finds being treated like a cute little dogthing comforting in a sense but it's complicated when someone like Ballyhoo's doing it given he doesn't ever stop to think if it would be degrading for Bixby to be pet and get pup cups at starbucks yk. He's technically not even a real dog.

Main inspirations for Bixby were krusty the clown, bojack horseman and the concept of evil capitalist mickey mouse

[kittenfangirl20]

Charlie ran over and hugged Adam’s legs. Lucifer didn’t know how Adam would react, but he smiled when Adam pat her on the head and picked her up. They both seemed to get along very well and that was important for anyone he was hoping to marry.

Emily: Adam always wanted a family and to have kids whether it was through the typical way or adoption.

This made Lucifer feel even better. Charlie showed Adam all of her favorite toys, she had a little notepad like Lucifer usually did so she could write down stuff she wanted to tell Adam. Later she was going to start ASL alongside Lucifer to work on communicating with Adam.

Emily: You should know that Adam was so happy to be here and he hoped that he could make a good impression.

Lucifer’s note: He doesn’t need to worry about that, I already love him and Charlie adores him.

That made Emily even happier, she remembered how broken poor Adam was after Steve. Showing this level of trust was a very important step for him.

@things-arent-what-they-seem66

Could I have something for the Mute Lucifer x Deaf Adam AU? Like how they met but a bit more detailed?

I miss that AU so much it never had its time to shine

I was thinking about this Au the other day, it deserves more.

-

Adam looked in the mirror as he was fixing his hair, he wanted to at least look nice going out in public seeing as his sister Emily has set him up on a blind date.

Or rather deaf date....... He made that joke and she didn't think it was funny. Being the deaf person he feels like he is allowed to make jokes about himself.

Things never end well when Adam has tried dating before in the past, Steve was a fucking asshole.

He doesn't want to think about him.

Emily came in and waved to get his attention in the mirror, Adam turned around and showed her his outfit.

Emily smiled and signed with her hands: You look very nice Adam! I know you'll really like this guy.

Adam rolled his eyes and signed back: Oh I'm so sure.

His sighed, she wished that Adam would give this a better chance. Not everyone was Steve. She waved him over, it was time to go.

Adam grabbed his phone and wallet, whoever he was meeting they were going to be having coffee together. Emily grabbed the keys and they left, Adam wanted to find love but most people didn't know sign language or feel like learning it. Sure he can read lips but it's hard at times.

Most people just talk to him like normal or make things weird. Adam predicts that he'll end up leaving in the first 5-10 minutes.

They pulled into the parking lot and went into the coffee shop. Emily nudged Adam and pointed over to the direction of a blonde man sitting alone near the window. Adam felt his heart do a little flip, he was a very handsome man, he had a cup of coffee in his hands, another cup sitting there untouched.

Emily pulled Adam over and smiled: Hi Lucifer, I hope we didn't keep you waiting too long.

Lucifer looked up and smiled, he shook his head and got up to offer Adam his hand. Adam smiled and accepted it.

Emily tapped his shoulder and signed: Adam, this is Lucifer. He doesn't talk.

Lucifer handed him a written note: It's nice to meet you! :)

Adam smiled, that was so sweet. Apparently he brought a notepad so they could talk to each other that way and get to know the other.

Emily left and told Adam to text her when he was ready to come home.

When she was gone, Lucifer gave him a warm smile.

Adam wrote: How do you know my sister?

Lucifer wrote: We were friends back in college, we had many of the same classes together.

That made sense, it was nice that he wasn't just some stranger.

Adam wrote: Okay, is it okay if I ask why you don't talk?

Lucifer smiled, he replied: It's almost of different reasons, but a medical reason for the most part.

Adam responded: I can understand that, I had meningitis which is how I went deaf.

They wrote each other back and forth for what seemed like hours. Turns out they had a lot in common, when Adam could hear music he told Lucifer he liked rock and metal bands. Lucifer may not look like it but he also enjoys those kinds as well.

They both enjoyed good food, wanting to travel the world, family oriented, and shared a love of animals and nature.

Lucifer didn't know what coffee Adam liked so he got him a black one with milk and sugar on the side. They went through a few cups while sitting there.

He even bought him food and there was even a point during their date where they didn't say anything on the paper at all. They just shared gentle looks and held the others hand.

It felt so good to have someone who understands you.

They swapped numbers by the end of the date and Lucifer walked Adam out to Emily's car when she came back.

Lucifer texted: Can I take you out again sometime?

Adam smiled down at his phone: Yes, I would love that.

Lucifer grinned and Emily was surprised when they hugged each other. Adam was so picky when it came to dating this really could have gone either way.

Adam flushed pink when Lucifer took his hand and kissed it. As if giving him a teaser as to what his lips can expect on a future date.

The handsome blonde waved goodbye smiling as Adam waved back and got into his sister's car.

Emily: Soooo? How'd it go?

Adam smiled, he signed with his hands: Best blind date ever, I can't wait to see him again.

Emily clapped her hands excitedly: Oh goodie!! I knew you'd like him.

Adam smiled playfully rolling his eyes and turning away. He saw Lucifer drive away as they pulled away from the coffee shop.

This could be the start of something beautiful.