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saint-bestial · 2 months

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sylvester plot summary for your convenience

copying these over from discord for public access. goes over pretty much every major event in sylvester's "canon" story. it's not completely exhaustive and some of the darker details are kept vague or omitted but this is the important stuff. there's some acronyms referring to fics in which the events happen, don't worry about it. if you know you know. everything's under the read more since this post is going to get long lol

warning for kiryu typical suicidal ideation and sylvester typical violence and shivship typical toxic relationship w/e these guys are horrible and messy

Pre-Canon (Ancient times)

Sylvester and the other Signer Dragons are created by the Crimson Dragon 10,000+ years ago as its servants and defenders of humanity.

~5,000 years ago, Sylvester begins having doubts about the cycle of Signer Wars. He cannot accept that he was created only to be used as a tool of war and then put away when he isn't needed. He is cold toward his respective Signer, but begrudgingly does as told. In the days preceding the Signer War of that era, he is contacted by the Earthbound Immortals who sense his resentment and other negative emotions. They tell him that if the Signers are defeated, the cycle of war will end. If he helps them win, he will be freed from servitude. He agrees.

During the Signer War, he turns on his fellow dragons. This leads to Ancient Fairy Dragon being captured by Uru, him seriously wounding Life Stream Dragon (which is why Life Stream is Power Tool Dragon in modern times), and him slaying his own Signer. Assisted by power granted to him by the Earthbound Immortals, it is extremely tough for the others to take him down while also dealing with the gods. However, Stardust Dragon and Black Rose Dragon manage to wound and nearly completely subdue him. Another burst of power allows him to break free and attack the Crimson Dragon directly. Upon contact with its body of sacred flames, his body is incinerated and his soul is left maimed.

The Signers are victorious. Sylvester's original name and all evidence of his existence are wiped from history. Only underground Earthbound Immortal cults carry on his story.

Law of the Jungle (Sylvester arriving in Satellite to him becoming a Dark Signer)

Sylvester's soul is placed in the body of a child who died at sea by the Earthbound Immortals. He washes up on the shores of Satellite to a small group of confused and concerned onlookers. They ensure he's alive and find his (body's) name written on the inside of his jacket: Sylvester Sauvage. No other information on his origin is found. One person steps forward and becomes his caregiver.

The arrangement does not work out. At all. Sylvester is difficult to communicate with and is constantly nervous and aggressive. His caregiver has no idea how to deal with him, becoming convinced he's some sort of devil child. When Sylvester runs away not long after being taken in they don't bother to look for him.

After running away, Sylvester starts living with a colony of feral cats. He ends up picking up on a lot of their behavior. They don't mind his presence as they would the presence of a human. The cats are effectively his family and he'll go out of his way to defend them.

He soon meets Kiryu, a sickly looking child covered in cuts and bruises. Unlike other children who avoid or mistreat him, Kiryu doesn't tend to overstep his boundaries. The two are fairly wary of each other and don't really talk, rather they provide a mutually beneficial presence at first. Sylvester scares off other people who would hurt Kiryu and Kiryu finds food to offer to Sylvester.

Kiryu tends to disappear every now and then, returning even more roughed up than before. Sylvester doesn't involve himself with Kiryu's personal issues at that point. That changes. One day when Kiryu is fleeing one of his abusers, the man sees Sylvester crouched in an alleyway and mistakes him for Kiryu. Cornered, Sylvester lashes out with his homemade knife and kills him. Kiryu witnesses the gory aftermath and his obsession with Sylvester is born.

They grow closer into adolescence. Sylvester learns how to play Duel Monsters from Kiryu (he previously just collected the cards he found for the artwork). Kiryu meets Yusei, Jack, and Crow and establishes Team Satisfaction in his late teen years. Sylvester functions as an unofficial member, unknown to all besides Kiryu. His job is mainly to gather supplies as well as scout out rival duel gangs and record their decks, strategies, and base/territory layouts. In exchange, Kiryu promised him safe passage in the team's controlled areas.

Sylvester's job was extremely fucking dangerous. Moving through enemy territory was risky enough as is, even more so if they suspected he was a scout. Many of his scars come from this period. Notably, the diagonal scar across his chest happened when a gang member attempted to stab him. He had to stitch the wound himself. Despite this, he would hide injuries from Kiryu and would even go out on missions while still recovering.

Yusei, Jack, and Crow grow suspicious of Kiryu's regular solo outings. They end up following him to where he was meeting with Sylvester, Yusei walking ahead with Jack and Crow farther back. Sylvester fled immediately as soon as he realized he and Kiryu weren't alone. Jack's mark burned painfully in proximity to Sylvester, cementing his negative perception of him. Worth noting that Sylvester has a very biased view of the others based on Kiryu's rants about them when he's venting.

As a symbol of trust, Sylvester gifts Kiryu a knife he made out of scrap and other objects. Thus part of the reason their ship name is Shivshipping.

Team Satisfaction soon conquers Satellite. However, Kiryu's growing paranoia leads him to start using Sylvester to intimidate and threaten beaten gangs he believes might try to rise up and defy him. When the others find out about this, combined with his other behavior, the team dissolves. Sylvester and Kiryu are alone together again.

Kiryu asks Sylvester to help him with his plan to attack Security, to which he agrees (Sylvester knows Kiryu doing this is basically a death wish, but it's not like he can stop him). Sylvester helps with gathering materials while dimly aware that Kiryu probably isn't going to be coming back from this little stunt.

When Kiryu comes to collect what Sylvester obtained for him, he asks one last time if Sylvester will kiss him. Which is something Kiryu's been trying to get for a long long time. And he gets it. And Sylvester realizes he's fucked up horribly by refusing to indulge his feelings for Kiryu that grew over all the years he knew him. Before he knows it, Kiryu pulls away and is out the door leaving him alone for reality to sink in.

The attack on Security happens. Kiryu is arrested, though Sylvester believes he's dead. He grieves. Hard.

In the following months, Sylvester gets sloppy. He feels like his life has lost its purpose and he's painfully alone. Until one night he gets followed home by former members of one of the gangs Kiryu sent him after. He is killed in the resulting conflict, but is revived as a Dark Signer and quickly exacts his retribution. While dueling the ex-leader, he gets a taste of his new deck and the card containing his degraded dragon body. After the burst of energy allows him to eliminate his assailants, he passes out and is tracked down by a Dark Signer Kiryu who retrieves him.

Dark Signer (All of the DS arc)

Kiryu brings the unconscious Sylvester back to the Dark Signer base. Events of HNTSIMY occur.

After waking up a few days later, Demak and Rudger brief Sylvester on his situation. They are aware of who he really is but decide to withhold most of it. His body has also changed slightly, with the addition of large, elongated canines along with the usual dark signer changes. Additionally, his pelican EB contacts him and is optimistic of his role.

Kiryu, having deluded himself that Sylvester was going to rescue him from the Facility, is pissed at him. However, they manage to smooth things over fairly quickly and get into a sort of relationship to everyone else's horror. Kiryu informs Sylvester about what actually happened (albeit from his warped perspective).

Aside from messing around with Kiryu, he receives lessons from Demak about the history of Signers and Dark Signers with the hope that it will jog his memory naturally. Sylvester gains a strong sense of loyalty to the Dark Signers and their gods. He also befriends all of the members who gathered by that point. But the fact he can't remember anything makes him feel like he's failing his god and the only group he's ever trusted.

Realizing that Sylvester hasn't remembered anything, Rudger grants Demak permission to fill Sylvester in on his own origins. Sylvester isn't sure what to make of it, and it doesn't return his memories. He was told he wasn't human prior which he took comfort in, but knowing he had an entire life before really kinda screws with his sense of identity. And it's the reason why he's going through everything now.

Kiryu has his initial duel against Yusei. Sylvester spectates this and is ultimately disappointed it didn't end in Yusei getting finished off for good.

The DS ultimately fail to return Sylvester to his proper form and restore his memories. The Signer War begins.

While Sylvester waits for the Signers to come to him, he watches for the result of the other's duels. Though he's mostly concerned about Kiryu, he's getting pretty pissed when the others start to fall. And then when Kiryu too is defeated, he's livid, absolutely boiling.

Yusei and Aki make it to his location. They aren't in agreement on who should duel him, but he's not having it. He starts a 1v2 against them so he can take them both out at once.

At first, his duel consists of him using his monsters to chase and stalk them throughout the area. Some horror type shit. Sylvester is unwilling to listen to them and tries to injure them with every one of his attacks.

Eventually, though, Yusei and Aki are able to turn the tide and drive him to the shore, effectively cornering him. Now with a bit more control over the situation, Yusei tries talking to him to get him to see reason. But it only angers Sylvester more. He knows Yusei couldn't possibly understand who he is or what he went through. Sylvester rants about how they're taking everything away from him and that they killed the only person who could understand him, the only human who wasn't cruel to him. Aki begins to realize that he's kind of like her, mistreated and rejected by humans. She takes over and is actually able to get him to listen somewhat. But it doesn't last long before he ends up doubling down anyway.

He manages to regain the advantage, forcing the Signers to summon their dragons. This is Bad. Stardust and Black Rose hiss and roar at the sight of Sylvester. He feels an ancient rage in his bones. He can feel their anger and hear their hateful words. Not only that, he senses the Crimson Dragon's presence, a being that completely despises him. With his own dragon on the field, they engage in a brutal clash.

It ends with Sylvester's dragon being destroyed. Which hurts like hell, physically, since it's also his other body. He kind of starts going completely unhinged. He directs part of his rant toward the Crimson Dragon, who he currently identifies as the root cause of all of his problems. Sylvester expresses how unfair it is that he's being hated for something he supposedly did thousands of years ago that he doesn't even remember doing. He's determined to wipe the Signers out to avenge the others, please the EBs, and so everyone can leave him the hell alone.

Sylvester summons the pelican god with the goal of ending the duel then and there. He doesn't have a handle on himself at all anymore, just raw grief and rage and ranting. There's nothing Yusei or Aki can do to quell him. He's just been so genuinely hurt by his circumstances that he'd never see a nonviolent way out of this. He will kill both of them if the duel continues. They can hear the Crimson Dragon's orders to end the betrayer in their head. They don't feel good about it, but they don't really have a choice.

They manage to defeat the pelican EB, as well as finally bring down Sylvester. He's sent flying backwards toward the ocean from the final blow. As he's falling, all he can think about is how badly he failed his god and the others. How he had everything only to lose it. His body disintegrates into dust upon contact with the water.

Yusei and Aki are just kind of frozen in silence for a moment after that. It was A Lot. They won, the Crimson Dragon is pleased, but it doesn't feel good. It feels like they just put a suffering animal out of its misery as it kicked and screamed the entire time.

Any remaining Dark Signers are defeated, Godwin is taken out and the apocalypse is averted. Through the power of the Crimson Dragon, the Dark Signers are properly returned to life.

Apostasy (End of DS to end of Crash Town)

The Dark Signers are revived properly after the conclusion of the Signer War. Sylvester seeks out Kiryu in a panic, finding him wandering the streets in a semi-dazed state. He clings to him and sobs, meanwhile Kiryu sees Sylvester's fangs and realizes that yes, all of that shit did really happen.

Sylvester is now clingy as hell because he's terrified of losing Kiryu again. He's basically stuck to his side near constantly.

It doesn't take long for Kiryu to start getting the itch to leave. At first he's resistant to Sylvester coming with but caves knowing he's going to follow him anyway. Their travels lead them to many dingy motels, sketchy towns, and dubious situations. Sylvester kinda knows what Kiryu's endgame is already but also knows he can't do anything to stop him. He's resolved to accompany him even if it means watching him die.

Events of HNTCWTC. There's so much friction between them during this arc (like the rock incident in B&C). Kiryu wants Sylvester to leave because he can see the entire thing is destroying him but also he wants him to stay because he's yet another way Kiryu can hurt himself and Sylvester has nowhere else to go anyway. Sylvester is grieving for Kiryu while he's still alive and mourning the loss of the other Dark Signers and the Earthbound Gods. But of course he can't talk about that with Kiryu because Kiryu hates who he was during DS so he conducts his little prayer rituals to his god in secret.

Sylvester keeps a small pelican figure and a few other tiny trinkets with him in order to honor the god he served under during DS. Sometimes he gets weird with it and pricks his finger to paint on his old face marking with his own blood. He feels fucking awful for failing it. He misses it terribly. At the same time he's shutting up the tiny itch in his mind telling him he was being used.

The pair eventually arrive in Crash Town, at which point Sylvester has mentally resolved that once Kiryu dies he's going to kill himself as well. Kiryu quickly proves himself in town, winning despite how badly he wants to lose.

Sylvester quickly learns to dread sunsets. Maybe Kiryu will come back, or maybe today is the day that he doesn't. Most nights he doesn't return until extremely late, reeking of smoke and alcohol and unfamiliar scents. Sometimes he's really, really drunk. Kiryu's subjected to some awful shit but he doesn't let Sylvester know about it. Sylvester's often held against Kiryu in that if Kiryu doesn't do what Ramon wants he'll threaten to hurt Sylvester somehow.

Yeah Sylvester and Ramon fucking hate each other. Ramon has absolutely rancid vibes and Sylvester picks up on all of them. He'd kill Ramon if the situation allowed.

Sylvester ends up meeting a horse which he gradually manages to tame over the course of them being there. He names him Tempest and he's just as foul tempered as his owner. Yes there's a Sylvester horse girl subplot just go with it. There's a southwestern desert in Japan in this show let me have this.

I'm still not entirely sure on how I want to handle the Crash Town arc itself. Right now it's similar to how it carries out in canon but I have some other ideas floating around. I kinda like the idea of Sylvester not being able to bear it anymore and challenging Kiryu himself, intending to put an end to his suffering. And then Yusei arrives and intervenes maybe, but idk.

Regardless, both warring factions are disbanded and Kiryu (and Sylvester) stay behind in the renamed Satisfaction Town as in canon.

we don't know what happened to ramon in canon so maybe sylvester ate him. give him one last murder. as a treat.

Epilogue (End of CT and beyond)

The long, excruciating, nonlinear healing process for both Sylvester and Kiryu. Adjusting to having some form of stability is really, really hard. Sylvester struggles especially badly with having to live amongst human society. While he's willing to help with physical labor during the rebuilding process, he has no desire to integrate with people in the community.

Satisfaction Town itself slowly sees improvement. Better infrastructure and services make it actually livable full time. It still maintains the wild west look and feel, though. Attracts some tourists.

Sylvester primarily occupies himself with Tempest, chickens, the local stray cat population, and a fish tank. He collects lots of cat and ocean related objects. Develops a friendship with Aki, who visits sometimes. She or Kiryu will take him on outings sometimes when he's getting mopey.

Kiryu's involvement in town affairs varies. Having an entire town thrown into your lap after a mental health crisis is kind of. A lot.

Nico and West are there, maybe. I haven't totally decided on what I want to do with them yet. They'd probably be living with a qualified foster rather than an unstable 20~ year old and his feral fallen angel dragon bf (but they'd get to visit so it's ok).

Everyone turns out ok. I promise. It takes a really long time but they get there. Kiryu and Sylvester never officially get married but it's obvious to anyone with eyes. Despite everything they get to grow old together. The good ending.

#oc: sylvester sauvage #shivshipping #yugioh oc #yugioh 5ds oc

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alienaiver · 2 years

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The favorite

Kaminari Denki x gn!reader

warnings: none, a little angsty family relationships but not in-depth to mean anything wordcount: 925words content: FLUFF, genderneutral reader, poc!friendly reader, character study, timeskip, pro heroes, soft soft love, drabble, not beta’d

notes: im not sure what this is.......honestly..... kamis family hasnt been disclosed so im rolling w this for fun! i just wanna smooch him tbh, i hope you like it !!

They don’t play favorites at the Kaminari household. Of course they don’t.

Still,

Kaminari Denki’s never tried being a favorite. Being the unplanned third child in a rather complete family, he really wasn’t needed. His oldest brother is from his mother’s previous relationship and therefor her favorite. The second son – who’s only three years older than Kaminari – was subdued and quiet, to the liking of their rather stoic dad. Kaminari likes to describe his father as a person who has the emotional capacity of a rock. He never did have the bandwidth to handle his youngest son’s emotional outbursts and electric personality.

Kaminari’s always been too much and not enough. He doesn’t enjoy thinking of himself as a walking contradiction but at every corner he’s reminded of how he’s short on what’s needed but overflow in what is not. But it’s not like his parents didn’t love him – he never truly lacked anything growing up. He had his Gameboy Advance and his beloved PlayStation1 as early as he can remember. His Gameboy was with him all up until he fried the system by trying to charge it himself after getting to know his quirk. He was always well-fed and properly dressed and they always kissed him goodnight after turning on his night light. But whenever he tried to describe this gap he felt between his brothers and him, they dismissed it and told him that he was simply overthinking it.

Kaminari Denki? Overthinking? He scoffs at the thought, please, that’s not his MO.

So Kaminari has become careful in sharing his observations since then, keeps them to himself and tries to float through life on a breeze of casualty. So when he meets you, his axis turns on itself and for each interaction you have, he feels more puzzled than last.

You like him.

You want him.

At first, he was convinced it was true love, chasing you down in the cafeteria if you were both back from patrols at the same time, hanging out by the watercooler near your office in hopes of catching your attention and always hyping you up during tactical meetings in an effort to court you.

Then it became something else – something he’s never tried catching after a chase.

He’s not sure he’s allowed to say that he’s your favorite but something is playing into the way you’re always leaning towards him, your eyes bright and interested as you listen to him ramble, even at a table full of your Pro Hero colleagues, all bigger and buffer than him. You dismiss Kirishima, the big, burly, and dependable number four hero in favor of him, the crowned “Stinky Twinky” in the group chat. You laugh and joke with Bakugou but your eyes always search for the lightning patch in Kaminari’s hair, your eyes electrified when they find his in the crowd.

“You’re like home.”

Kaminari grunts out a noise of confusion at your admission, raising his arm to make more room for you as you’re settling onto his chest. It’s movie night which to Kaminari just means cuddle night. He whispers sweet confessions in your ear as explosions and overdone sound effects drown into the background and you giggle and return compliments, making him blush all the way down to his chest and hide in the column of your neck.

You always start the movie with an intent to watch it through.

“I mean, it’s comfortable, you know? I don’t have to perform; I can just be me. I can be how I am in front of you like I am when I’m alone in my own apartment.”

He hums out, mulling over your words. He’s not sure why that’s home per say because he associates home precisely with performing, proving yourself as worthy as your brothers.

But when he thinks about it from your perspective, your definition, about how he is when he’s alone.

Yeah, he’s like that with you too.

He grins, “aw, so I’m the lucky – and only – audience to your terrible singing in the kitchen?”

You punch his stomach but he’s well aware that that wasn’t even an ounce of your strength – he’s sparred with you before. You laugh in disbelief, “I’m removing your VIP access from now on!”

“Wait, babe!”

You huff in mock offense and make a point of removing your arms from around him. He kisses the top of your head and lets his hands work on the knots you seem to constantly have in your shoulders, “babe please, those concerts are what I live for,” he tries, not quite able to contain the smile on his face.

The persuasion seems to pay off because you relax back into him with a sigh, “I need like ten more of these back rubs to survive that heinous betrayal from my favorite person, is that a deal?”

Kaminari laughs, a laugh that bubbles up from the bottom of his stomach and surprises him – it surges up in him and he clumsily realizes that the feeling is pride. He tries to hide his face in you but your position makes it awkward, “I’m your favorite person?”

The question sounds so sincere, genuinely curious and in search of validation. You reach back out to him and kiss his jaw softly, allowing the intimacy to overflow from your actions, “the absolute favorite.”

Kaminari Denki finally knows what it’s like to feel like a favorite and he decides that while he never wants to let that feeling go, he also wants to make sure you feel it every day too.

@the-cosmos-network 🌌

#boku no her academia x reader #bnha x reader #mha x reader #kaminari denki x reader #kaminari fluff #bnha fluff #also luna got me thinking abt kami...........#go read her fic 'the tuxedo' on her acc @cup-of-fluff!!!#nohr.writing

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mlobsters · 1 year

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supernatural s6e13 unforgiven (w. andrew dabb, daniel loflin)

flashback soulless!sam is just beating the shit out of this cop. grandpa. really. just gonna let that go too huh

(looks like the black desktop background is here to stay)

he looks so young in his silly little suit and bright lighting with his new(er) hair. and yes the little joke about how tall sam was endearing

DEAN And how would you... characterize their relationship?

NICOLE'S ROOMMATE Relationship? No, they weren't having a --

DEAN just the -- the -- the tone or the nature of their conversation.

NICOLE'S ROOMMATE Well... loud. And... athletic.

he went on a little face journey there

here i thought i'd seen the last of the guys having problems with the law, that particular variety of conflict stresses me out. and this time, robosam really fucked up and now our sam has to deal with it? agh

i've been reading this fic that focuses a lot more on kind of lingering effects of trauma that the guys have been through and just now watching sam have this very impassioned conversation with the lady that leads to her unlocking the cell he's in, got me thinking about like. changing gears so quickly from robosam to regular sam, i'm watching him waiting for the con. and i wonder if dean would catch himself having similar thoughts

so soulless managed to bang 5 ladies in this little town on a job. that seems... logistically challenging

(robo)SAM Well, Samuel wasn't really around when I was a kid. We have more of a, uh, business relationship.

BRENNA Uh, do you have any other family?

(robo)SAM Family just slows you down.

he was sweating after that flashback. i mean, objectively terrifying having sudden intrusive memories of an event you don't remember and with yourself being so cold and cruel.

(wiki) Sam and Samuel use the aliases "Roark and Wynand." Sam's alias (H. Roark) is a reference to the main character—Howard Roark—in Ayn Rand's novel The Fountainhead which embodied the philosophy of objectivism, where individual self-interest was held as the purpose of one's life (and so it is interesting that this is associated with soulless Sam). Samuel's alias Wynand refers to Gail Wynand, another character in the book.

oh my god that's hilarious. it is ~interesting~ supernaturalwiki 😂

i adjusted the lighting on this because it was so dark and the quality is laughable but anyway again squatting in a place with power and a janky lampshade. i liked dean's plaid, in this shot it looks more like black and white plaid which is a little bold for him (but it's more of a subdued blue in better light)

DEAN We are not the only hunters on the planet, okay? We can call Bobby. He and Rufus could come and wrap up.

he makes a good point. give bobby and rufus some quality time together

DEAN Really? You get that every time you scratch that wall, that you are playing Russian roulette?

SAM Dean, I get you're worried, okay? And I know what you think is gonna happen. But you know what? It will or it won't.

i get where dean is coming from but also sam makes a good point that it's gonna happen or not.

DEAN Sam --

SAM --look, I'm starting to think that -- that I might have done some bad stuff here, Dean. And so I don't care if it's dangerous. I have to set things right, 'cause I got a frigging soul now, and -- and it won't let me just walk away. I'm staying here. And I need you to back me

DEAN All right. Why not? Well, let's "memento" this thing, shall we?

(two memento references in as many episodes)

oh the flashbacks got even worse. using this dude as bait for the monster, which clearly went above bait to just plain food. oh, and "mercy" killing them. right. GREAT.

giggling over these weird contacts. it wasn't until after i'd been staring at them entranced for this entire speech that i realized they're probably supposed to be like. another pupil? cuz he's a spider lol 🕷️🕷️🕷️

so he's upset she ignored his sorry and went inside but i was just thinking to myself, well you got her husband killed (again) and kind of killed him (again), it's unforgivable. and then i remembered the episode title. ha ha. queuing up the unforgiven by metallica (love that album, and they totally played this at a middle school dance i attended)

did you sleep on that gross ass bed, samuel winchester

DEAN Sam, you got to understand that all that crap last year -- all of it -- none of it was you.

SAM Let's be crystal clear, okay? It was me.

DEAN Well, can I get you anything?

SAM What are you now, my waitress?

DEAN I'm just trying to make you feel better. Don't be a bitch.

SAM Yeah, I'm fine.

DEAN Yeah, you look fine. All I'm saying is everything's gonna be okay.

SAM I don't know, Dean. If I did this here, then who knows how many oth-

didn't know he was gonna have hell creep in so soon. so i guess they were like well when dean went to hell it was 40 years and we had to make it even worse by breaking his will and him enjoying torturing people. so, how can we make this even worse for sam... hmmm. not only does he get the multiplied years of torture (from what i gleaned it was a lot longer too?) but a bonus year of being a monster topside where he can suffer for feeling guilty about getting people killed etc etc. sam is totally going to win the trauma olympics

#supernatural #spnwatch #spn 6x13 #robosam #he just gets worse every time we see him! gone are the days of cute banter #ayn rand shade #love to see it #andrew dabb #daniel loflin

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laresearchette · 2 years

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Sunday, November 06, 2022 Canadian TV Listings (Times Eastern)

WHERE CAN I FIND THOSE PREMIERES?: CHRISTMAS COOKIE CHALLENGE (Food Network Canada) 9:00pm FAMILY KARMA (Slice) 9:00pm SPECTOR (Crave) 9:00pm DANGEROUS LIAISONS (Starz Canada) 9:00pm HOLIDAY WARS (Food Network Canada) 10:00pm

WHAT IS NOT PREMIERING IN CANADA TONIGHT: WELL SUITED FOR CHRISTMAS (Premiering on November 12 on W Network at 6:00pm) ALL SAINTS CHRISTMAS (Premiering on November 13 on W Network at 6:00pm) CHRISTMAS MASQUERADE (TBD) LOVE AT THE CHRISTMAS CONTEST (TBD)

NEW TO AMAZON PRIME CANADA/CBC GEM/CRAVE TV/DISNEY + STAR/NETFLIX CANADA:

CRAVE TV DANGEROUS LIASONS (Season 1, Episode 1)

CURLING (SN Now) 11:30am: Players Tour NuFloors Curling Classic: Draw 13 (TSN5) 8:00pm: 2022 Pan Continental Curling Championships: Women's Gold

CFL FOOTBALL (TSN/TSN4) 1:00pm: Eastern Semi-Final - Tiger-Cats vs. Alouettes (TSN/TSN5) 4:30pm: Western Semi-Final - Stampeders vs. Lions

NFL FOOTBALL (TSN2) 1:00pm: Dolphins vs. Bears (TSN2) 4:00pm: Seahawks vs. Cardinals (TSN/TSN3/TSN4) 8:15pm: Titans vs. Chiefs

NHL HOCKEY (SN360) 5:00pm: Red Wings vs. Rangers (TSN4) 5:00pm: Leafs vs. Hurricanes (SN360) 9:00pm: Panthers vs. Ducks

NBA BASKETBALL (SN1) 6:00pm: Bulls vs. Raptors (SN1) 10:00pm: Jazz vs. Clippers

GHOSTS OF CHRISTMAS ALWAYS (W Network) 6:00pm: The Ghost of Christmas Present tries to help a poor soul rediscover his holiday spirit.

HEARTLAND (CBC) 7:00pm: Amy helps a unique animal from an abandoned zoo; Tim joins Jessica in New York for her art show while trying to fix a past mistake; Jack and Lisa work through difficulties in their relationship. OH NO IS IT HORSIES?

BEARS' LAIR (APTN) 7:00pm (SEASON FINALE): In the grand finale of Bears' Lair, our four finalists bring their A-game with new and improved pitches for the Bears and four special guest judges. Then, one lucky entrepreneur walks away with the grand prize of $100,000!

FRIDAY NIGHT THUNDER (APTN) 7:30pm: The Southern Ontario Motor Speedway has been upgrading its facility in hopes of attracting more sprint cars, but the new track is terrifying for the drivers. Despite the difficult track, Derek has one of the best races of his life.

MLB BASEBALL (SN) 8:00pm: Phillies vs. Astros - Game #7 (in necessary)

THE GREAT CANADIAN BAKING SHOW (CBC) 8:00pm: The bakers demonstrate their take on a chimney cake; bakers rise to great heights with a baklava tower, built using phyllo pastry; one baker will wow the judges to become Star Baker and another sees their journey in the baking tent come to an end.

HUDSON & REX (City TV) 8:00pm: After two killers escape from St. John's Women's Penitentiary, the team is stymied in their attempts to capture the duo when their antics turn them into modern-day folk heroes.

THE BIG BAKE (Food Network Canada) 8:00pm (SEASON PREMIERE): When Santa's away, the elves love to play. The baking teams must create epic cakes that capture the North Pole's little rascals up to 'snow' good.

FIT TO KILL (Lifetime Canada) 8:00pm: Sadie lands her dream job as an assistant to Claudia, a fashion designer who takes her under her wing. However, when Claudia's true personality comes to light, Sadie begins to question why all of her previous assistants have mysteriously disappeared.

TZOUHALEM (Super Channel Fuse) 8:00pm: Examining the story of Cowichan Chief Tzouhalem through accounts from both historians and First Nations elders, and how he subdued his rivals and transformed himself into the most powerful First Nations leader in the Pacific Northwest.

MOONSHINE (CBC) 9:00pm: The Finley-Cullens kidnap Lidia to make her see reason; at Moonshine, Daniel, Lidia's ex, has a strange bond with motorcyclist Gale.

LOVE AND THE RADIO STAR (City TV) 9:00pm: An image consultant and single mother is asked to help re-brand a popular New York radio show host. When she accidentally ends up on the air with the handsome host, she becomes part of the re-branding herself.

A COZY CHRISTMAS INN (CTV Life) 9:00pm: A real estate executive travels to Alaska during the holidays to acquire a bed-and-breakfast, only to discover it's owned by her ex. She's soon falling in love with the town and quite possibly him all over again.

AUSSIE GOLD HUNTERS (Discovery Canada) 9:00pm:

WORLD'S GREATEST TRAIN JOURNEYS FROM ABOVE (Nat Geo Canada) 9:00pm (SERIES PREMIERE): The Glacier Express train in the Swiss Alps is an engineering marvel, traveling over treacherous gorges and through huge mountain ranges.

ISLAND OF BRYAN (HGTV Canada) 10:00pm: The Baeumler kids are growing up fast. Bryan and Sarah finish the boys' bedrooms and focus on a special space for future date nights.

OUTBACK OPAL HUNTERS (Discovery Canada) 10:00pm: Pete and Sam begin a risky project that could pay off big time with opal riches; the Bushmen's new equipment doesn't deliver.

THE CURSE OF OAK ISLAND (History Canada) 10:00pm: Matty Blake examines the best clues and historical evidence to identify the groups and individuals most likely connected to the Oak Island mystery.

GOT IDENTITY (APTN) 11:30pm: Nelson deliberates on whether to skoden with playwright Darla Contois since her family lives across from Nelson's family later Nelson learns what it's like to be a white-presenting Indigenous person with songwriter and performer Ila Barker.

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littlebluejayy · 6 months

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can you give me depth on their relationships with the cast 👉👈

im gonan fucking sob this didnt save give me a second to bawl i wrote like 18209128pages of information and closed my computer for the night and NONE of it saved im going to sob give me a moment to mourn

a moment later i am somewhat better lets see how much of this i remember

so zhiqian was in the cloud recesses the same time as lan wangji + wei wuxian, so naturally they had time to interact ajlksdfjlks ( i remember putting something moderately humorous here but i don't remember what it was and i am going to sob ) uhhh i remember talking abt how zhiqian's first like major interaction w wuxian was that one scene where lan qiren is asking him what the best method of subduing like a corpsoe or something is and he goes "okay but what if i manipulate the other corpses and make em. have a lil brawl" and zhiqian is like "hold on now.,, he kinda has a point. " he has a suffering moral compass

sooo zhiqian joins their little tomfoolery gang <- he's silly but is like the only one who actually keeps up w studies, not cause he finds it enjoyable he just wants to feel like he has some worth LMAOO as for zhiqians personality he's definitely the kind to be like manipulatingly blunt + also teasing when he knows you better

in short : wuxian + zhiqian the silliest billies !! unfortunately after wuxian . yk. gets killed zhiqian is like omg going insane he jsut died and then proceeds to lock himself in personal cultivation for 13 years !!!! that's so coquette core of him

as for lan wangji : tbf hes a headache but no so much a headache, not wuxian level and at times he is pretty placid like when he's at the library or painting or something ( dunno if this is like in the canon anywhere i forgot but yk how the lan family has that guqin action going on and wuxian has his little flute yeah well zhiqian plays the er hu because he's just cool like that )

i imagine the two of them actually atp whenever wuxian is off doing things a tad too silly for zhiqians tastes (..erotica) he and lan wangji will kinda just sit in the library in comfortable silence and occasionally raise questions about things they see in the readings. lan wangji probably views zhiqian as a intelligently capable but also chooses to be very stupid kind of person www

they probably kept somewhat in touch , or as touch as one can be when locked in this little cave room for 13 years but wangji was the only person informed of the self cultivation thing before zhiqian actually went into it (rip nie huaisang)

as for nie huaisang... ngl id feel like he bears some resentment towards zhiqian. ofc huaisang has always been compared to his older, more capable brothers, and he also feels incompetent in the fact that despite zhiqian also occasionally joining them in their shenanigans, he still manages to keep in lan qiren's somewhat favor and is supposedly smart without trying

the resnetment def grows worse during self cultivation. nie huaisang wasn't even informed about it and kinda just woke up one tuesday morning to see his brother. gone. and since mingjue is yk. deceased he has all this sprung onto him in a very unpleasant way. :((( in a sense he knows that zhiqian is mourning because he was close with wuxian too though

mingjue and zhiqian were defintiely the silliest. mingjue is the person to loudly judge you and zhiqian is the kind of person to quietly judge you with disgusted side glances! the two got together really well and even sparred together ( when mingjue was still alive ahhaha ).. zhiqian eventually ended up taking on mingjue's saber after his qi deviation death ( IT TALKS TO HIM BECAUSE OF UNSOLVED RESENTMENT. IT LOOKS LIKE HES INSANE BECAUSE HT ALKS TO HIMSELF BUT NOOOO HES TALKING TO THE LITTLE SWORD VOICE IN HIS HEAD )

#im crying how did all of this get deleted im going to cry #the utter terror i felt when i saw the blank draft #SOBBING #-> mdzs !

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hedoughnism · 1 year

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Watched Nimona recently and Guardian’s of the Galaxy 3 today.

Nimona’s a well-done short story about being yourself and how society dehumanizes and lashes out at those who are “ different” , but done better then most, I liked that she is shown to be a fire-breather in a quiet scene at the back end of the movie, making her actions feel more subdued and her talk about loving destruction feel like bluff, I also liked the gay relationship and how the love interest stood in for his feelings of obligation to society/the civilians/the institution, It was refreshing to have a middle manager type as a big bad instead of the head of state for a change, also the way they were forced by the society that villanized them to act “ villainous” and eventually “ monstrous” felt very “real”, also it just looks very good and both lead characters are very charming and charismatic.

Guardian’s of the Galaxy 3 is the best of the trilogy but also the most conventional ( heroes rescues friend and takes down tyrannical ruler) , If I wanted nuance and the messiness and misery I would be reading nonfiction, I like fiction for optimistic escapist fantasies about found-families of heroes taking down evil empires by killing the big bad, or kinky sex. The first one had the whole asshole small time criminals team up to Save The Galaxy and learn to care about each other stick( so the cast was not that likable), the last one was just a-lot of daddy issues ( not bad, but a subject I have little desire for)and Chris Pratt at his… Chris Prattiest, and the group was still not fully, reformed yet.

Anyway the thing I really wanted to talk about was the stories depiction of Animal testing, since I saw someone on the r/askvegans subreddit a few days before asking what people thought of it. The plot involves Rocket ( the cyborg raccoon character) being severely injured and knocked unconscious by someone ( working for the organization that “ made” him) trying to kidnap him, Rocket has some sort of anti-tampering self destruction button in him, so they need the organization’s( who is run by a super powerful mad scientist trying to create a new species of perfect sapients to populate his perfect utopia), override code to do surgery, but since the mad scientist is after Rocket they end up not only taking the code but rescuing the other experiments and taking him down.

Even-though the story is critical of the animal testing, it feels too divorced from reality to be any sort of commentary on the real world issue, in the same way that say 101 Dalmatians is. People generally are against animal testing for cosmetics or sanitary items now, the large companies that continue to do so mainly do to comply with Chinese laws. It’s medical research that people defend today, as necessary and ( inaccurately) argue is done under the best conditions possible and never done frivolously ( If you want a good view into how Medical animal testing looks like in the real world from someone who was involved read They All Had Eyes) , the mad scientists actions are the sort of frivolous testing with no pretense of legitimacy the public is already against. The second part is the animals they used, just having the camera linger on a cage of sad white mice would have made it feel more relevant, the vast majority of mammals used in animal testing are mice and rats ( which don’t get the same minimum protections, and aren’t even counted, the way other tested mammals are) , instead the background animals included house cats, tapirs, box turtles, arctic foxes, kangaroos , a tapir, spider monkeys, vampire bats, pigs, pandas…, but no mice or rats. ( or of-course fish). The main side-animals in his backstory included a river otter, walrus, and domestic rabbit, but the domestic rabbit was an unimportant character with a “ sweet but stupid” personality, and was the most heavily cyborg modified animals to almost unrecognizably.

There is a comedic side plot where back at the base where the two put in charge when the main cast left are mad at each-other, and the Soviet talking dogs comments once on how she was left in space to die. That single line is a more substantial criticism of real world issues than the entire main plot.

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vitos-ordination-song · 2 years

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Growing up w brothers in a patriarchal family shaped me. My dad loved me. He was affectionate without me throughout childhood. I look back on my relationship w him in suspicion because there was a lot of unhealthy stuff going on there, but also, that affection was sustaining for me. I needed it and it helped me grow. I felt that he loved me in a way I really struggled to feel w my mother as I grew older. But my foundation of his love was marred by a shadow: he didn’t love my brothers.

I also have a little sister, and he did some fucked up stuff to her too, but he was really night and day w his sons and daughters, and I know from my aunt that he learned this from his father. He interacted with my brothers in two primary ways: punishment and harsh male bonding. He was affectionate with them sometimes but they were both terrified of him into their teen years. They would ask me, his favorite child, to ask him for things, because they knew he wouldn’t snap at me, and he never did when I asked for resources he usually jealously guarded. I can remember him getting violent with me twice. Once because I said he’d been drunk the night before (he’s been an alcoholic my entire life getting progressively worse), and once he slapped me across the face when I said I didn’t know if I believed in god. I was terrified of my mom, not just physically but more psychologically. My father, I didn’t fear at all—I sensed I had a power over him, and in fact told him off as if he was a boy when he got violent several times. I was able to subdue him. But my brothers feared him in the way a beaten dog would.

I think I always felt like I was betraying my brothers by being loved by my dad. It’s part of why I’m now estranged from him—I reject love which requires me to ignore the abuse of others. It hurt me that he did that even if he didn’t do it to me. Little children don’t have boundaries. I cared about my brothers. And it made me feel privileged in an unjust way; it made me aware of the arbitrary nature of favoritism. I never feared falling out of favor with him. It was my mom’s style to shift around favorites based on who was pleasing her or pissing her off. But I knew on a more fundamental level that it was possible for me to be treated as my brothers were being treated. Like, I wasn’t being loved for who I was or because I was his child or because I deserved it—it was his whim basically. As much as his love for me sustained me it made me sick.

I think I’ve always been fascinated with relationships between men for the reasons above. I enjoy trying to understand men. I never understood my father or why he did those things to my brothers. I understand domination rituals, women do them too, but the male version was something I was left out of. As much as my father kept the abuse for my brothers, he was also bringing them into manhood—and our family’s definition of that included skills I wasn’t allowed to learn, like any handy work or car stuff. I was excluded. I don’t actually think my dad taught them well but it was something I longed to be a part of as a girl. Why couldn’t I join Boy Scouts and learn how to start a fire? As I aged I began to realize how much my brothers were being hurt by all this male socialization and I stopped feeling jealous of it. Now I find it all fascinating.

I’m also interested in alternatives. Yes I was into gay male love stories but I read more stories about platonic male bonding. What would a good father look like, not just for me as a girl but how could a father raise sons well? What would it be like to have a grandfather (one of mine is a rapist and the other one also sucked)? How can men be friends to each other and to women in a world which seeks to destroy their decency, very often?

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basiltonpitch · 2 years

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Ben and Devi have literally been written in the stars since BEFORE WE SAW DEVI'S JOURNEY. They paid attention so closely to each other that's why they were able to insult each other so well and it didn't take much at all to flip that switch (the model UN heist) so it really was BOUND to happen at some point. All three seasons (including season 2 where she technically started dating Paxton at the end) showed Ben and Devi growing closer and having a genuine care and love for each other at the (1/2

(2/2) core of their relationship, so unless s4 threw some kind of drastic wrench in their relationship, it would make absolutely no sense narratively for Devi to end up with Paxton, especially the show, Dr. Ryan, her mom, her friends, DEVI HERSELF, and her interactions with Paxton reveal that they don't have the same level of romantic chemistry. Ben and Devi have years of history it would take an archaeologist to unearth all of it and frankly, no one else can compete. I know a lot of whoops 2/3 (3/4 whoops sorry I have more to say) Really enjoyed Des and he was "perfect up until the end" but I personally disagree with that and the end !!! was !! important!! Not fighting for Devi and working to understand her trauma is incredibly important to developing and wanting a deeper relationship and he didn't want that so he didn't put in the work. I think the argument I've seen from most people as to why they want different love interest for Devi is because people don't want to see the yt man w (4/5 maybe probably sorry Spencer ily) to win, however, I think we should focus on criticizing the systems which cause women of color to favor white men, such as Western beauty standards which drive internalized racism in POC male populations (causing them to favor white women), vice versa in females, and the patriarchal societies of these cultures which systematically cause men to expect subdued women and to diminish the accomplishments and complexities of modern WOC (see Prashant) (5/5) I completely agree that Mindy should write more POC love interests and based on her work in Sex Lives of College Girls she is working towards that, but we need to consider the systems in which informed her writing. Also, I think it's so important that they show Ben respecting Devi's family and culture, such as taking his shoes off and being respectful and kind to Nalini, taking her to spread her dad's ashes, doing an extra credit report on the cuisines of South Asia. TL;DR Yes Mindy should write more POC love interests, but it would be absolutely lazy and undermining to Devi's story to throw someone in the last season just to have two POC people end up together when she has developed a relationship with someone who respects and loves her just as she is, who understands her culture and wants to learn about it. We should stop ignoring how Ben is perfect for Devi and instead criticize the systems which favor white love interests

grace you have hit every single point right on the head like i genuinely don't think there's anything else i can add because you said it all

#all of this!!!#devi vishwakumar #ben gross #benvi #ben x devi #devi x ben #never have i ever #nhie #long post #asks #grace <3

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dangermousie · 2 years

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I took a nap and continued my watch as a kinder, gentler Mousie. Am no longer irritated; am just gonna go with “she’s 15 and I was dumb as hell at 15, which is teen marriage is nuts, at least she’s not offing herself over a corpse like Juliet or w/e.”

Let’s continue...

I cracked up how his troops turn their backs in unison so their boss can canoodle in peace.

This shows how utterly without limits Tin Boy is. Like - he guards her gates all night? Every night? No wonder he looks like he’s gonna keel over every morning he escorts her in. I did not realize NN’s family lived in such an awful neighborhood that they needed a military unit of most elite troops guarding them all night. I am dying to know what the neighbors think...

Man, she ground down his confidence down, poor dude. But I kinda love that he knows she hates it and does it anyway because he’s obsessed with keeping her safe (when you lose one family, you get paranoid about the next one.)

Awwwww. Finally. I get why she is emotionally dense - with her background she can’t be anything but - but finally the ice began to crack. Now jump him.

Bloody Finally! But what worries me is I think she still doesn’t realize what a huge danger she was in and LBY, understandably reluctant to rock the boat the moment they made up, is not gonna bring it up again.

I love that LBY is so utterly emotionally open with her. Like he has zero shields. That’s actually a good thing in a relationship and one I hope she is learning.

Powerful man utterly helpless for you is a trope for a reason. I am gonna trot out, again, my favorite George Sand quote (from her novel Consuelo):

“Corilla, it is not his face that disgusts me. His mind is yet more hideous. You do not know that he has a perfect tiger’s heart.“

“That is what led me astray,” said Corilla. “ To hear the common stories of all the fools who hover around us is a glorious thing, forsooth! To bind a tiger, though — to subdue a forest lion — to lead him on a leash — to make one sigh, weep, blush, and tremble at a single glance, whose look has routed armies — and with one blow of his sabre cut off an ox’s head — is a more intense pleasure than I have ever known.”

Bloody finally!

Even as annoyed as I was at NN earlier, the fair thing to say is she never hid who she was (reckless and rash, unsuitable to palace life) so LBY walked into every disaster he can ever have because of her with eyes wide open. But mainly this set of caps is because I am cracking up if she thinks her parents’ marriage is an example of wife obeying the husband. When Mom says “jump,” Dad says “how high?”

AAAAAAA SHE FINALLY GOT IT AAAAA. Now let’s see if it sticks.

Ummmmm, I realize he is so happy and relieved she still wants him and so worships the ground she walks on that he can’t see straight but wait a minute! You are not at fault at all; it’s not stifling someone’s free spirit to try to prevent them from upending the empire and getting themselves and their clan head-shortened! He was not suppressing her free spirit, he was trying to keep her alive.

Yes, restricting and restraining her from getting her head chopped off!

And I think here he (re)commits to letting her run as insane as she likes and just cleaning up her mess and that is not sustainable long term, both because he can’t always be glued to her side and because she may do something so big he can’t fix. But when NN treats every attempt, however gentle, to corral her, as declaration of battle to the death and a sign that the person does not love her, he can either give up on her or yield and he can never give up on her so...

NN almost pathologically needs affirmation that she is right due to her issues. But that is not what LBY is saying (he’s not saying she is right, he just basically loves her the way she is, character versus actions.) I think it’s very telling that LBY, who did nothing wrong, admits he’s wrong here and NN never does; I don’t think she realizes she was wrong at all and that’s dangerous.

She does tell him how grateful she is and how she will treat him well and his reaction cracks me up. Man, hormones when up can drive anyone’s brain to short circuit...:P

#cdrama #zhao lusi #wu lei #love like the galaxy

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narrators-journal · 3 years

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Step four

CW: Congratulations reader-chan! You’re expecting! Illumi also really cranks up the yandere side, nothing too bad, but he’s definitely not proving to be a stable man in this part.

Previous part: here

First part: here

Illumi found his mother in the family library, doing some research for a job she'd gotten. "Mother, sorry for interrupting, but I have a rather pressing dilemma with my relationship." He said, and he could see the woman perk up slightly, but she only hummed and stayed focused on her research, "Sorry dear, I can't help right now, maybe try Gotoh." She spoke casually, but he could see in her body language that she was dying to hear about her eldest son's relationship. "I was wondering if it would be inappropriate to bring her here so soon." he added, and like that her research was forgotten and she was instead offering him a seat beside her. So, he sat in the intricately carved wooden chair and filled her in on his dilemma with the concerns for your safety after finding out Hisoka knew your name, and the concern of pushing you away unnecessarily. "I don't want to put her in danger, but my research on dating says that bringing her here is something to do later on, when we've been together for more than a month." he explained, his mother digesting the information before speaking, "This is a rather delicate situation...but since Morrow is here, it should be safe to leave her where she is. Maybe set some butlers as constant bodyguards, but hold off on bringing her around here. At least until I can prepare! Oh I'd have to get the chefs to cook a special meal for when your father and I finally meet your partner, and the mansion will have to be meticulously cleaned, and the gardens tended to!" Illumi sighed as his mother rambled on a tangent about how this sort of conflict was always so romantic in the novels she'd read and how she'd have to make sure the family was perfect so as to leave the best possible impression on you. "Mother, I am being serious. I have worked with Hisoka before, he's a dangerously clever man. I don't want to risk him harming my future spouse," he reminded the woman, who savored her excitement for a moment longer before regaining her composure, "I'm sorry dear, I just get so happy when I think about my sweet baby boy finally settling down," she said somewhat wistfully, and the assassin inwardly groaned. He was the eldest of at least five, he was far from her baby anymore, but he couldn’t really remind her of that without sending her into a sobbing fit. "anyway!" she chirped, drawing him back from his blank staring and practiced way of spacing out when she took advantage of the fact she was the only Zoldyck allowed to be mushy like this, "I really do think you should leave her where she is, at least for a bit longer. Once she comes to this mountain she won't be able to leave easily, and I'd hate for your future wife to turn out to be some spy or desperate journalist." While she said it in honesty, her voice lacked any real remorse. If you did turn out to be a threat, even Kikyo wouldn't hesitate to squash you like a bug. I think out of everyone to have after (y/n), mother would be the worst. Illumi thought as he pondered his mother's words, agreeing to keep you at your home for the time being. So, for the next few weeks Illumi alternated between jobs and returning to stalking you, but until he could rein in the possessive urge to kidnap you, he kept his distance. When he couldn't watch you himself, like when he was torturing Hisoka for adding extra steps to that job, he made sure someone was still there to ensure nothing bad happened to you. Another bonus of this set up he found was that the servants he had hidden nearby to watch you were able to warn him when you started acting odd. They couldn't exactly place why you were suddenly so anxious and slightly distraught though, so the ebony-haired assassin decided to finish the job he was on quickly when he found out and return to his secondary home. About a day after he'd returned, in the late afternoon, you knocked at his door, as he was expecting. "Hello," he hummed as he opened the door to find you standing in the slightly chilly daylight fidgeting anxiously, "Um...I think we need to talk." You said, your words shooting an arrow of anxiety into his heart, Is she going to break up with me? Should I have brought her home sooner? Should I just grab her now? he asked himself, his dark, empty eyes scanning over your form to glean any information he could from your body language while he wrangled in his moment of panic, No. Invite her in, if she really is about to break up with you she'd be easier to subdue where no one can be a witness. he told himself, temporarily quelling the urge to snatch you up and refuse to let you go again and instead inviting you inside to talk out of the cool late spring air. Once inside you sat on his couch, too preoccupied with your own thoughts to mind the bit of mess in the room that Illumi was swift to sweep under the couch or toss out of sight. Your tense mood drove Illumi crazy, but he skillfully hid the fact that he was growing impatient with waiting and beginning to plan out a way to sedate you and take you home, keeping his focus on the dirty clothes he was throwing behind the chair and the garbage he was shoving into his pockets. simply sitting beside you after a while, awaiting whatever bad news you might have for him. Is she really going to try and break up with me? Damn it, I should've never let my mother talk me into this whole 'dating' thing. He thought bitterly, his own sliver of anxiety adding to the tense, heavy air you had already created. However, after an excruciatingly long stretch of time, you took a deep breath, "Illumi, I t-think I'm...pregnant." you forced out, not looking at the dead-eyed assassin as the two of you fell into another stretch of silence while Illumi processed this news. Pregnant? We've only had sex twice, is she really that fertile? He pondered, an honest smile spreading across his usually expressionless face after it set in. In a flash, he'd jumped up and scooped you up, hugging your possibly smaller body to his tightly, making you squeal, "this is wonderful news!" he said, making you smile and turn a light pink, "Oh, well if I'd known you'd be so happy about it, I wouldn't have stressed so much," you laughed awkwardly, letting Illumi hug you for a moment longer before he put you down again and cleared his throat, his face returning to his bland expression, "Though, this does put a rush on putting together a wedding." he hummed, not noticing the way your eyes widened "uh? w-wedding?" you squeaked, drawing his attention out of his thoughts and back to you. Your panicky expression was rather cute to him, you were so innocent, "Well yes, I was originally planning to take things slow, but now I can't afford to wait. Not to worry though, I'm sure my mother will help you plan it," he assured, but judging by the increasing panic in your (e/c) eyes, it didn't work, "is something wrong, (y/n)?" "I-I don't want to marry you?" You squeaked, and while your words did sting, he knew this might happen, "Well, I can't let you parent this child without me, and marriage is the perfect way to ensure I stay involved as well as that you and our child are safe from harm." He explained, but you shook your head, "Illumi, no! It's only been a-a few months since we've started dating, it's far too soon to marry!" you tried to explain, but he waved your arguments away, "dating is already a redundancy, I've been very patient in waiting this long before moving on to marriage," he explained, getting a bit annoyed at your horrified look. It was intriguing to see you get flustered and slightly scared, but marriage was not something that deserved this sort of reaction. He sighed, I can't let this continue, the stress is not good for the baby, he reminded himself before speaking again, "Please explain to me why you are so against getting married. I don't think I'm understanding your points clearly enough." For a moment, you struggled to find words, obviously confused and shocked, but he made sure to be patient, "I-Illumi, it's too soon for marriage, that's something for later on down the road, i-if we even make it that far." You tried to explain, but the assassin grimaced, so you spoke again "Plus, it's perfectly fine if we don't get married before the baby's born, we can still parent them together," Your words made his expression darken further. Finally, you sighed dejectedly, "or...I could always just termi-" Illumi cut you off by grabbing you by your shoulders, his grip tight, nearly painfully so he was sure, but he was not about to allow the entertaining of such ideas, "You will NOT harm that baby, (y/n)." he said darkly, watching tears well up in your (e/c) eyes from fear and maybe pain. That made him calm down, he had to keep his temper in check before his malicious aura was the one to harm his future wife. "If you try anything to put yourself or our baby in danger, I will be forced to keep you under strict observation." he warned, his voice not holding any room for argument when he spoke, but than he tried to relax, hugging your slightly shaking form to him again. "It'll be okay, mother will plan a good wedding and you'll be a good mother when the baby's born." he assured, running his hand through your (h/l), (h/c) hair in an attempt to calm you down and show that despite his flash of temper, the excitement of your good news still zapped through his veins. "I'll keep you safe, i promise." He could feel the shiver his words sent through you, but fear was easier to manage than defiance. After a moment though, he let you go again, "I'll have some butlers help you pack your most necessary things, tomorrow I'll take you to the estate." he decided, and when you went to argue again he gave you a cold look, "you can't say anything that will change my mind. The Zoldyck estate is the safest place for you, so go home and pack." he ordered, his tone firm enough for you to get the message. You didn't get a choice.

#yandere illumi #x reader #yandere #illumi x reader #Illumi zoldyck #hxh #fanfiction #quotev #part 11 #hunter x hunter

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hes-writer · 4 years

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Trial (4)

Summary: harry and y/n face the truth

Warnings: angst, a tiny bit of fluff

Word Count: 4249 words

A/N: thank you so much for supporting this series !! @devilinbetweenthesheet-s. I will do the taglist later in the day :)

EDIT: idk why the ‘read more’ is not working. I apologize for the scrolling!!

Part 4 of the Tarnish series!

___

Harry was crying.

Admitting his feelings when he was younger was quite a task for him. Now that he was nearly in his thirties, the journey of being vulnerable with himself and with his feelings became easier with each emotion that he permitted himself to submerge in. Harry validated those emotions--he was allowed to experience them because it makes him human. It added texture to the ever-growing mosaic that painted who he was as an individual. Adding to the people that surrounded him, influenced by their kind-nature and the goodness of their heart to become who he was now.

And now, it seemed like his emotions increased tenfold. The clench of his abdomen and the harsh jolt of his chest forced his slouched shoulder to stay deflated. His breathing hitched as sobs threatened to take over, throat sore with the effort to keep it all in because Harry was smart enough to know that these emotions coursing through him right now were ones he wasn’t validated to feel. Paired with the latest information that that little girl being held by another man was his own daughter--and that the woman who was glowing with her caring, motherly-instincts was supposed to be his family; it broke him completely.

Quaking thoughts circled his brain and punctured his muscles as if they were attacking him not only mentally, but physically as well in exchange for his past mistakes that he couldn’t quite place if he deeply regretted or not. Was it a mistake to cheat on Y/N? To leave her alone in the exposure of the public eye while she was carrying his child in her tummy?

Harry should have known the day she fell sick and vomited in their kitchen sink. He was, sadly, too busy throwing a subdued celebration of finally having time alone with Camille. He should have noticed the way her face brightened with radiance. Or the way her cravings for strawberries and pickles either grossed her out or completely compelled her to consume more than she usually would.

But Harry guessed that that was around the time his efforts went out the window because he didn’t have to pretend to care as much anymore. Camille appeared to be his one and only. With their relationship coming so close to being revealed and Y/N having one foot out the door, Harry let fate play out the rest. Don’t get him wrong, Harry still loved Camille; that was why his slashed heart still throbbed at the sight of her watching over her little cousin, yet knowing that the topic of children was still not a card on the table.

The distress that he was feeling right now was core-shredding, heartbreaking grief that left a hole in his heart. The worst part was that Harry didn’t exactly know how to fix it or whether he even could. As he walked to his car with hands jammed into his pockets, he was grateful that the hood of his sweater hid his face and the tears sliding down the slope of his cheeks.

His senses were in overdrive, figuring out how to fix the mess he created. Wanting to run up to Y/N and ask her why she didn’t tell him, needing to feel his little girl in his arms. Pinching his skin to transfer the pain he felt in his heart because of the thought that he missed his baby’s first words, her first steps. Was it ‘dada’ that babbled out of her mouth? Did she reach out for Connor when she stumbled over nothing when she walked on stubby legs? Did Y/N mention his name to her?

“Harry!”

He kept on walking despite the hushed call of his name, assuming that it was a fan that caught sight of him and wanted a picture. Harry adores them, but now is hardly the time to fake a smile or act like his life didn’t just flash right before his eyes--quite literally.

The vehicle beeped as Harry pressed the ‘unlock’ button on his key fob, just about ready to pull the door open and shield himself from prying eyes. He flinched when a hand fell on his shoulder, “Harry,”

He looked up to find Gemma panting, resting her hand on the roof of the car, “Are you. . .alright?” Her drifting eyes inspected his face, tinted a slight pink and moist with the salty liquid dripping from his tear ducts.

Huffing in annoyance, Harry clutched the handle to let himself in. Gemma followed his actions, shutting the door and locking it. The tinted windows of the car provided a semi-private enclosure that was filled with Harry’s sniffling and Gemma’s heavy breathing, trying to catch her breath.

“H-her name is Halo,” Gemma began, gulping when Harry paused his ministrations, straining his ears to listen despite the dull thud occupying his vessels. “She’s almost two years old,”

“You said you didn’t know,” Harry’s gruff tone echoed. Gemma anxiously rubbed the ends of her palms against her jeans. “Why didn’t you tell me? You knew all this time and y’didn’t tell me,”

“I-I was--she didn’t want me--”

“Why would she tell you and not me? I’m the one that dated her,” He raised his voice with every syllable he spoke. The frustration he felt from seeing the woman he once loved living the reality they shared together, except he wasn’t anywhere in the picture and that reality was only a fantasy in his life now. “It doesn’t make sense,” He rested his forearms on the wheel, facing the car’s symbol.

“The baby is yours, Harry,”

His head quipped with speed, grazing his forehead on the rounded leather but that pain didn’t amount to the new wave washing over him. “W-what?”

“It’s really not my place to tell,” Gemma said nervously, making eye contact with Harry’s searing yet teary gaze. “She wanted to tell you but you were so happy with Camille. She was posting these things on her Instagram about your trips and Y/N called me crying because you looked so free and happy without her. Y/N didn’t want to ruin what you guys had by dropping this on you,”

"That's-that's my baby?" Harry stuttered over his words while tugging his head out of his memories. Gemma nodded in confirmation. “Then why in the world was she--Halo?--calling him ‘dada’?

“Look, Harry, you’re not stupid. You know why Halo called Connor her dad,” Gemma spoke slowly, “This is a conversation that you need to have with Y/N if she lets you,”

At the mention of the man’s name, Harry couldn’t help but be filled with anger. He barely knew this man yet he received everything that Harry wanted in life. ‘But she’s my kid. I’m her dad. I’m the one who’s supposed to give her kisses and make her laugh,” He mumbled quietly as if his inner thoughts were far too strong to be kept in his mind

He was staring mindlessly at the numbers on his dashboard, hands gripping the leather steering wheel to try and ground himself. "But if that's my baby, how can she call someone who's not her father, dad?" He whipped his head towards Gemma, searching for validation that would make him feel better but the siblings were aware that he lost that title three years ago.

“I think you know you lost that place in their lives,” She reached a comforting hand to pat his arm, feeling just how tense he was under the fabric.

Harry shrugged her off, pinching his brows and pursing his lips as sadness began to swirl down the drain only to be replaced with resentment, irritation and bitterness. The taste on his tongue was hot with anger and his ears felt warm as he wheezed air instead of opting to yell his dissatisfaction near his sister.

“This isn't fair. She's m’baby too. Connor is not her father,” He spat with venom, “I am,” A pointed finger poked his chest. "She knew she was pregnant when she left me. She’s so fuckin’ selfish. How could she do this to me?

Gemma was quick to remind him of his actions, "You cheated on her, Harry.” Gemma cowered back at Harry’s beady eyes glaring at her with an unreadable emotion, stone-cold. “Maybe you should go home. Calm down a little bit,”

“No!” Harry cut Gemma off, “Need t’a hear her say it myself,”

Harry didn’t know what his plan was when he harshly slammed the car door behind him, practically storming on the patches of grass like a mad man. It wasn’t hard to spot the picture-perfect family sitting on a park bench which brought a scowl to his shielded face. He wanted to give Y/N a piece of his mind and it wasn’t necessarily the nicest thoughts that crossed his brain.

Halo was sitting on Connor’s lap while he was feeding her a peeled cupcake. Red velvet with cream cheese frosting—-Harry felt like he was punched in the gut. The baked good was Y/N’s specialty and it had a lot of sentimental value to both of them. It was what she baked for their first year together. He could vividly see her frosting-dotted nose, aiming to splotch the cream on his cheek while she laughed. Harry wrapped his arms around her, hugging Y/N from behind and proceeding to kiss her sweet cheek, leaving the perfect opportunity to stain his skin with the frosting.

But he didn’t care if he was smashed headfirst into the cake (as long as it wasn’t ice cream cake)—Harry just wanted to see her smile and hear her laugh heartily.

Y/N was snuggled on Connor’s shoulder, fixing Halo’s hair as she made grabby hands at the confection. He cannot lie--Connor was a handsome man. Harry rarely felt intimidated or insecure, but seeing that this man managed to snatch everything Harry could ever want seemingly in a blink of an eye; Harry felt very jealous.

He pouted, eyes rimmed red and lips quivering wishing that Cory or Connor--whatever that little shit’s name was would disappear so that Harry could take his place instead. Actually, it was his spot in the first place. Only if he didn’t mess up, he thought. He missed Y/N so much! Seeing Y/N in her element of niceness and bright-gleaming smiles sent a truck full of sand down his throat as he gulped his emotion below the surface. The closer he got to them, his vision tunnelled towards Halo; brown, flouncy curls and a cute dimple embedded in her cheek as she giggled, accidentally knocking the cupcake on the ground.

If that wasn’t symbolism staring at Harry straight in the face; a sign that their so-called relationship really had no chance of reprieve. Harry chose to ignore it.

Connor clutched Halo tightly against him, crouching down with a napkin to clean up the scattered cake on the ground. Y/N was the first to notice him, her forehead creasing as her eyes bulged at the sight of Harry walking towards them. She subtly poked at Connor’s arm, hurting Harry even more because it meant that Y/N felt uncomfortable with his presence.

He was close enough to read her pink lips, “We should go,” matched with Y/N’s frantic actions of packing the juice boxes and the Tupperware of cupcakes into the tote bag beside her. Connor searched the park until his gaze landed on Harry, protectively shielding Halo from him.

Is he serious? Harry thought. That’s my own daughter.

Speaking of Halo, the two-year-old happily continued munching on her new cupcake, frowning slightly when Connor stood up, “Why we leaving, Daddy? Did I do somethin’ bad?”

Y/N sighed, they promised that Halo could play at the park all day and now it was cut short because of a certain someone.

“No, you didn’t, bub. Let Daddy explain at home, okay baby?” Connor hitched Halo higher on his hip, hoping that she wouldn’t ask any more questions until the trio left.

“Who’s that?” Halo asked, pointing at Harry only metres away from them. Her stubby finger outstretched at the stranger in front of her, eyes bright and sparkling with curiosity. There was no sign of recognition painting her green orbs.

Harry gulped, wanting so badly to scream “I’m your dad!” but he knew that Y/N will add that to the list of his mistakes he had made.

“No one, angel,” Connor planted a kiss on her head, looking over at Y/N who had finished packing everything up. He tilted his chin in an attempt to scare Harry off.

But the thing was, Harry was already scared. He could feel his stomach in his throat but vomiting wasn’t the right word to describe it. His heart drooped deeper than the levels of the Earth. He was scared because his family was right in front of him but he couldn’t touch them or hug them in his arms. He was only allowed to look from the outside because there was a small possibility of being forgiven.

“Y/N. . .” Harry began hesitantly. The surge of confidence he had decreased with each passing second. He kept a close eye.

Y/N shrugged the strap on her shoulder, “Leave us alone, Harry.”

He felt his anger disappearing, a new emotion cascading his tear ducts and the blood in his veins. Harry looked back in retrospect; she really did mean it when Y/N said that she never wanted him around again. “I just want to talk. Please, let’s talk,”

“She doesn’t want to talk to you, Harry,” Connor interrupted, grabbing the bag from Y/N and wrapping an arm over her shoulder, guiding them away from Harry. “She’s happy without you, mate. can’t you see?”

Harry kept his gaze trained on Y/N’s face, actively avoiding eye contact but drifted when Halo’s frown caught his stare. The little girl’s chin was hooked over Connor’s shoulder, squirming in his arms in an attempt to stop him from walking. Halo was smart enough to know that Harry’s expression screamed sadness and her mummy said that “you need to find a way to make them happy” if someone was sad.

“Wait!” Her shrill yell caused both Connor and Y/N to turn around. A piece of Harry’s heart shattered on the floor when Halo pulled Connor down by the nape of his neck, small hand leading his ear next to her lips. Then, she did the same to Y/N, pointing at Harry which caused him to straighten his stance, wanting to impress his daughter even though there was no point.

The couple shared a look before ultimately having Connor walk closer to Harry. Halo gripped her cupcake towards him, “‘ere y’go hawwy,’ She still couldn’t pronounce her ‘r’s’ yet.

Harry began to sob.

It was his daughter and those were the first words she had uttered to him. She didn’t know him yet Halo treated him with kindness and it ripped at his chest because Y/N must’ve taught her that. His palms became wet as tears streamed from his eyes, dampening the sleeves of his hoodie. He didn't care about looking foolish in front of them, not when his daughter saw him as a stranger and called Connor her ‘dada’.

Halo recoiled at the sudden reaction, her lips curving downwards, “Dada, mama, he’s cwyin’,” She tucked her face at the junction of Connor’s shoulder and neck, scared that she made him cry. Halo didn’t mean to make him cry. She felt so guilty that she started spilling tears of her own too, her face contorting into a scrunched expression as her mouth wailed open sobs, matching Harry’s.

Harry’s first instinct was to take a step forward and comfort Halo but he was rendered frozen when Connor shot him a glare, shifting Halo’s body out of reach and he could only see her face over the man’s shoulder. Y/N dimmed her eyes, brows pinching when she couldn’t help but let a smidge of sympathy wash over her. She muttered a few words to Connor, pushing him by the small of his back towards the parking lot.

When they were out of earshot, Y/N faced Harry, “What were you thinking? Are you trying to mess everything up again?” He tried to cut in, “Isn’t it bad enough that we’re talking about this in public? Why must you ruin everything, Harry?” She whisper-shouted, trying her best not to garner them any attention.

“N-no, Gemma told me and I jus’ wanted to see her--and you. Wanted to hear the truth come out of your mouth,” His large hands jammed into his pockets to prevent him from fiddling with them.

“Look, you have no right coming here,”

“I know that b-but I--,”

She held a palm up, “I’m not sadistic like you Harry. If you thought that I wouldn’t let you around her then you’re wrong. As much as I hate to admit it, I do miss you and I wish that you were there for us when we needed you,”

“I had no idea--,”

“Will you let me speak?” Her tone carried irritation. “But we’re alright now and we don’t need you anymore.”

Harry never thought that those statements would ever come out of Y/N’s mouth. “Don’t you think I deserve to get to know her?”

She sighed, “Deserve? Definitely not.” He nodded in agreement. “But I’d live in regret if Halo never got to know her real father. . .”

Harry’s expression lit up, hopeful eyes shooting glances at her, “D-does that mea--? Are you--?”

“You can see her. You can get to know her but only because you’re Halo’s father,” Y/N took a brave step forward, ignoring the way her heart throbbed as if she was being stabbed by a thousand knives. Painful memories drifted in and out of her train of thought until she shook her head to muster them out. It was in the past but she could never forget the feeling of hopelessness taking over her whole body.

With a hand on his shoulder, she continued, “Anyone can be a father and you’re just that. Don’t think that you’re entitled to anything more. You will never be her dad. Connor is. Understood?”

Harry took a deep breath and swallowed a heavy gulp, “I. . .understand. Thank you, Y/N. For letting me back in when I don’t deserve it,” He glanced at the two tiny figures piling in the car. He could just imagine himself plucking little Halo into her booster seat, booping her nose as she asked for the hundredth time why she had to sit at the back and not at the front with them.

“I’m not finished,” She deadpanned, “You are going to be there for her. Not for me, not for us because our relationship is over. You can hurt me as you did before and I can accept it but don’t you dare try to hurt her,”

And it was true. Having endured his painful game once before, Y/N was stronger now. She could take heartbreak as agonizing as that but she wouldn’t dare stand seeing Halo’s teary eyes staring back at her, asking why Harry had left them. She was far too young to experience the feeling when a piece of herself is ripped apart.

“I won’t hurt her. I promise,”

“I heard those words come out from your mouth years ago and look where we are now. Once you hurt her, it’s over.”

“Y/N, t-that’s hardly fair. I am her dad, aren’t I?” Harry cleared his throat at Y/N’s raised brow.

“No, you’re not. We just went through this, Harry.”

“Don’t call me that,” He muttered quietly because she only ever called him ‘baby’ or ‘h’.

“Will you stop? I laid out my cards. If you want to even have a speck of presence in her life, then you have to abide by what I said,” She crossed her arms in defence, “You will never be Halo’s dad, Harry. Connor is her dad. I don’t know how many more times I have to repeat this before it gets through you thick head,”

He opened his mouth to talk, “No wiggle room whatsoever?”

“No. Do I have to write a letter for you to understand that?”

In a moment of hurt and despair, Harry spat out, “Might as well, yeah? Waited over two years to tell me anyway,”

“Are you kidding me?”

His throat ran dry, realizing that he just ticked another box to favour against being a part of his daughter’s life, “I-I’m sorry. I didn't mean to,”

“Whatever. Are you willing to make the sacrifice?”

“This isn’t the place to talk about this,” Harry suggested, wanting to have some sort of foot on the ground so he doesn’t feel like he’s topping over with guilt and sadness. “Maybe you can come over to my house,”

Y/N shook her head, glancing briefly at her phone when it buzzed, “No. I will not step foot in that house again. If you really want to discuss it, you can come over at our place,”

“Your place?” Did they all live together? Well, that was another slap to the face. Not only was Connor playing dad to Halo, but he was also part of the household. Harry’s face must have contorted into a grimace because Y/N sighed softly.

“Yes, our place. Meaning all three of us,” She gestured behind her. “I have to go. You can probably get my number from Gemma; you can text me then.”

“Yes, yes! Of course, I want to talk to you. . . about this, I mean,” Harry lowered his enthusiasm. The small voice in his head reverberating that this was not about him and Y/N; this was about Halo.

“And make sure you don’t bring anyone else,” Y/N said sarcastically, subtly pointing in the direction of the paparazzi hiding behind some bushes. Harry was usually good at spotting them but today was just a puddle of hurt and confusion. “I don’t want her having to read nasty things like I did,”

What Y/N said may have been a side comment, but Harry couldn’t help but take it to heart. Was this a good idea? Sure, he wanted to be a present dad in Halo’s life. However, is it worth it to stir unwanted drama? If only he didn’t cheat on Y/N, all of this could have been avoided.

With his mind in a haze, Harry barely noticed Y/N’s figure moving away from him. He jogged to catch up with her, laying a gentle hand on her shoulder. Harry felt numb to the way she shrugged her touch off of her immediately, “Were you ever going to tell me about our daughter?’

Y/N stared at him quizzically, tilting her head a little bit sideways, “I thought I did? Wait!” A look of recognition plastered across her features, “I did try to tell you but you blocked me before the message sent through,”

Harry gulped with realization. He blearily remembered bitterly blocking her number just as she texted “I need to tell you something,”

___

Y/N: Since you’re not picking up my calls

I need to tell you something

Y/N took a deep breath as her thumbs tapped on the letters slowly as if to withhold the news from him. She was not at all ready to reveal that she was pregnant and that he was the father but Y/N knew that it was the right thing to do. Despite the fact that he was currently out of the country on vacation somewhere on an island with sandy beaches with Camille. Y/N was aware that this spike of courage was rare and so, she had to do it now.

Y/N: I’m pregnant

And you’re the father

She locked the device as soon as she pressed the arrow to send the message, clutching the phone close to her chest and shutting her eyes so tightly that it hurt. Minutes passed with no response and Y/N was shouldered by curiosity to check if he had sent anything back or simply left her on ‘seen’.

It was neither. The screaming red exclamation mark surrounded by a circle indicated that she had been blocked.

___

The times when she left missed calls on his phone were for a reason much bigger than the two of them. Y/N didn’t call to beg for him back or to ask Harry to want her again. He was ashamed to admit that he had rolled his eyes upwards every time he clicked on a voicemail she had left, stating, “Hey H, it’s me. Call me back when you hear this. I need to talk to you,” which he deleted without a second thought. She didn’t text him endlessly to politely ask for her things packed and settled for her pick-up because Y/N could not bear to spend another second in a room with him.

It wasn’t that at all.

Y/N was physically moving farther and farther away from him, settling herself into the car before driving off to hers and Connor’s shared house. Halo sat in the backseat, singing along to the radio.

Harry was surrounded amidst the joyful squeals of children and reprimanding voices of their parents.

He stood alone with no one but loneliness by his side and the brisk flash of cameras in his peripherals.

_____

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softykooky · 4 years

Text

sanctuary : five

summary: you say goodbye.

genre: mafia au, angst, ot7 x reader

warnings: toxic and dysfunctional familial relationships, mentions of domestic abuse, swearing, guns, reader cries a lot.

author’s note: finallyyy. sorry for the wait! this one was a little harder to get out but i hope you enjoy it nonetheless :)

♡ series masterpost ♡

It was cold. The air in the mansion was cold. The marble staircase underneath your feet was cold. The gaze of the boys towards the foyer was cold. You’re not sure if it had just been a figment of your imagination, but had the windows frosted over in anticipation of your father’s arrival? Your skin prickled with goosebumps as you silently made your way downstairs to confront the demons you’ve been trying to run away from all this time, and you could swear there was a frigid draft that chilled you to the core.

You hadn’t realized your hand had encased itself around Namjoon’s until you felt the warmth. Warm like when you cradle a mug of coffee and feel the heat seep through the porcelain. He walked alongside you, face monotonous and clear of any expression and if it hadn’t been for the bulging vein along his temple, you would have missed the fact that he was ready to burst with infuriation.

“Y/N, if you don’t want to talk to him, we’ll take care of it.” Taehyung’s voice was warm too. The room hadn’t felt so chilling anymore. You only stared ahead at the door as the guards of the house mobilized around the entryway in preparation for whatever was about to come.

“No. I need to do this.” You were surprised to find that your voice was firm and unwavering as you spoke, almost fearless if it hadn’t been for the shaking in your hands and your knees that were ready to buckle at any moment. Taehyung nods and shares solemn looks with the rest of the boys and Namjoon, who maintains a firm grip on your hand. They didn’t want you to have to confront your father anymore. But they trusted you.

“What’s the estimated time of arrival?” Hoseok quips to one of the seemingly endless members of their gang.

“Approaching the gates, sir.”

Had it not been for the situation, you would have been impressed at the sheer authority that they had over the large group of people. How the room went silent to listen to his every command and deliver it swiftly. It was clear to you how much power they held with only a swish of their hand or a single sentence. Your hand in Namjoon’s began to quiver, to which he held on even tighter. However, whatever would be outside that door was something you had to deal with yourself. No one could hold your hand through this one.

It was decided that you would approach your father alone and do whatever you needed to do right outside the door. The guards would be present for the entirety of the process and the boys would be right on the other side of the wall, monitoring from a security camera. Jungkook had made it clear that you would not be alone, and that he would not have a smidgen of a chance to lay his hands on you.

However today ends, you know that your father possesses a lot of power. But you also know that he values that most. More than his daughter. And if you were able to threaten that power with abuse allegations, you already had a feeling of what he would choose. Yet you wanted to talk. To ask him questions and maybe finally get some answers before you make yourself disappear from his life and the public stage of being the ambassador’s daughter.

“His car is stationed outside the door, sir.”

You looked back at the seven boys, concern clear on their faces. But a small smile from you and a nod was enough to set them more at ease in the tense atmosphere. You just had that kind of power. Your hand rested on the doorknob, inhaling a deep breath into your lungs to calm your nerves before twisting it to open and walking outside. It closed behind you with a reticent click.

“Do you have eyes on them?” Namjoon rid himself of the softness and sincerity he reserved for you, addressing his subordinates with a stern and cold command. They crowded around a large monitor, displaying CCTV footage of you standing nervously and staring at the black Lincoln Continental that was parked in the drive and the two guards that flanked the entryway into the house. They could only hold their breaths.

You could almost smell the familiar waft of Atelier’s Vétiver Fatal before you saw her. Like a pink wind that followed her wherever she went to alert you of her presence. She stepped out from the car as graceful as ever, slim leg clad in black heels sticking out and spearing the rocky pavement.

“Soyeon?” You couldn’t help your eyes from tearing up at both relief and confusion of seeing your sister when you had expected someone else completely different. She smiled brightly at you, running up the steps as fast as she could in her stilettos to embrace you in her arms. Soyeon pulled back when you winced from the tight squeeze, eyes trailing over the bruises on your face and the bandage that peeked out under your shirt.

“W-what are you doing here, Soyeon? Where’s Dad?” Your words came out exasperated and breathy.

“He sent me here. To talk to you.”

“Talk to me?”

Soyeon stood across from you, an indecipherable look in her eyes as she held both of your hands in hers and gripped comfortingly. You sat down on the nearby bench as she followed, making short eye contact with one of the guards as well as the camera in the corner to affirm that you were fine.

“Oh Y/N-ie, I’ve missed you so much!” She hugged you again, pulling back to cradle your face in her hands and giggling innocently.

“I’ve missed you too.” You managed a light smile.

“So”, Soyeon crossed her legs and looked at you expectantly, “when are you coming back home?”

Oh. That’s what this was. Soyeon wasn’t here to visit you because she missed you. Your father sent her here to try and get you to come back. He knew you loved her. You could practically hear your own heart shattering in your chest while she smiled happily at you and awaited your answer. All this time, all you’ve ever wanted to do was protect her and keep her away from the brunt of your father’s wrath. She was so young, and you were older so you felt it to be your responsibility. Yet looking at Soyeon now, you couldn’t recognize her anymore.

“Soyeon...I’m not coming back home. Ever.”

Her beaming face melted into one of confusion, and she held onto your hands tighter.

“What do you mean you’re not coming home? We’ve got the gala two weekends from now!” Soyeon’s words made fire lick at your heart, stoking a pot of bubbling anger that has been simmering for much too long now. You scoffed and wrenched your hands from her hold.

“Are you fucking serious?” Soyeon recoiled in shock as you spit out your words.

“He almost killed me, Soyeon. He beat me to an inch of my life and until I was bleeding out on our kitchen floor and all you can say to me is that I should come home to attend a gala next weekend? Are you fucking serious?”

Your chest violently rose up and down, hands fisted and shaking with fury. Soyeon could only keep quiet and continue staring at you with wide eyes.

“All this time. I’ve been hurting and hurting, and you just stood by and pretended that nothing happened”, you said, voice cracking and inevitable tears making their way down your cheeks profusely. Through the blurriness, you could see Soyeon start to cry as well. But it only angered you more. You looked past her and focused on the breeze that billowed through the trees.

“He hurt me. And you didn’t even care. You didn’t talk to him. All you cared about was how much money he would give you for a new outfit and when.” Your voice was calm now. Subdued and flat and it scared Soyeon even more.

“O-of course, I cared Y/N-ie! I love you, I’m your sister!” She reached for your hands again to wrap them in hers. You shook your head.

“You cared about our image of a perfectly happy family more. You were willing to let me pay the price.” You stood up from the bench on shaky legs and continued talking with your back turned to her sitting figure.

“I’m not coming back home, Soyeon. I’m staying here and then I’m leaving for….” you cut yourself off when you realized that you weren’t really sure of where you would go. You just knew you wanted to disappear from your family’s radar.

“I’m leaving. Dad will do whatever he wants with the company but I won’t be his successor.”

“Y/N, you can’t leave! W-we’re a family!” Her voice was panicked and thick with tears. She was desperate to get you back. But you knew better. Everything would return to however it was before and Soyeon would continue treating you like a pet, turning a blind eye. She continued begging, crying loudly with no care in the world, and it made you want to turn around, scoop your little sister up into your arms and tell her that everything would be alright. But maybe it was time to think of yourself for a change.

“We’re not a family. That’s not what a family is like.”

You weren’t so sure what a family was like anymore.

“I can’t do this without you”, she whispered. You took a deep breath.

“Yet you’ve made me bear it all this time without you, Soyeon.”

You knew the next words you were about to say would be harsh. You wanted to tell Soyeon that it hurts you just as much to say them. Truth be told, you did love her with all of your heart. But it’s been too painful for too long.

“Tell Dad what I told you. I’m 22. He can’t control me anymore.” You willed your voice to not quiver, back still turned to her to hide the pain on your face and the way you tried to hold yourself together.

“I want you to leave, Soyeon.” You continued forcing the words up your throat, unable to bear looking back at her and see the undoubted look of sadness on her face.

“I don’t want to see you again.”

The air in the entryway turned cold. Cold like everything else. Cold like the world has been to you. You didn’t wait for her to respond before swiftly walking to the door and making your way inside the house, closing the door with a click. It was impossibly quiet in the foyer. All except the sound of your heavy breathing as you leaned your forehead against the wooden slab that separated you and your sister. You clutched the knob as if it was an anchor, body quivering and eyes clenched shut to keep the world out. The pain in your chest intensified until it felt like breathing was near impossible.

“Y/N…” You heard Yoongi shuffling behind you, a warm hand descending onto your shoulder lightly to let you know that he was there. That they all were.

Then you broke.

Broke into a million shards that you weren’t sure could be pieced back together again. Your sobs felt painful when they finally wrenched their way from your throat after holding it in for so long, the sound echoing in the space of the foyer agonizingly. You let it out. Everything you had been keeping in ever since Bangtan sent you back home and then dragged you back here. They could only watch helplessly as you cried out the pain your body could not put into words.

Yoongi’s heart broke as he held your trembling figure in his arms and you both sat on the floor. He could feel the way you tried to swallow the cries and hold them back. He had seen how hard you fought not to break down the second Soyeon stepped out of the car, and had to will himself to not run outside and comfort you.

Now, knowing the things you’ve been through and hearing your conversation with Soyeon, they found it impossibly difficult to see you cry. Namjoon knew that he, as well as the rest of them, had developed a soft spot for you and found a determination to protect you from everything that would hurt you. That included your family. But they couldn’t even do that. Jungkook was on the brink of tears himself, clutching tightly onto Taehyung, who couldn’t find the strength to look at you collapsing in front of his eyes. Jimin and Hoseok hung their heads to stare at the floor. Jin wanted to gather you into his arms, but held himself back.

Yoongi felt you mumble something into his chest, but it was unintelligible.

“Y/N?” He whispered gently. Your devastating cries persisted, and your chest still violently heaved as you tried to calm yourself down.

“Why?”

The seven of them could only stare at you in confusion.

“Why did you send me back home when I begged you not to?” The sentence was that much more painful to hear when you whimpered them through thick sobs, your internal agony punctuated through each word that fought its way past your lips.

In the cold foyer of their own home, while you fell apart right in front of their eyes, the seven of them had never hated themselves more.

“Will you please come eat? Please? For me?”

Jungkook had been outside your door now for the past 10 minutes. It was completely unlocked and he was free to come in or out as he pleased, but he had decided to respect your space and opted to beg tirelessly on the other side of the door.

It had been three days after Soyeon came to the mansion and tried to persuade you to come home. It had also been three days since you left the solitude of your bedroom and had a conversation with any of them. You sighed under the thick goose-feathered blanket at his determination. You knew that it wasn’t fair to be angry at them when they were kind enough to let you stay in their house for an indefinite amount of time. But you couldn’t get the image of Soyeon’s teary face out of your head as you unleashed your anger on her, and told your sister that you no longer wanted to see her. Your heart breaks further with every time you remind yourself.

You eased your way out of the bed, still physically and mentally fatigued, and opened the door to meet Jungkook’s shocked eyes.

“I didn’t think you were actually going to open the door.”

Jungkook took note of your red and puffy eyes, your sullen cheekbones, and the dark circles that were undoubtedly from nights of not sleeping. Taehyung did mention to them that he heard you toss and turn for hours.

“I’m not hungry, Jungkook”, you croaked, avoiding eye contact. You were scared he would see how affected you truly were.

“I know you’re not. But maybe come out and stretch your legs a little? Come talk to everyone if you want?”

You had almost conceded at the sight of his big bunny eyes that seemed to hold the entire universe, staring at you with such conviction. But the weight of what had happened with your sister and severing your relationship had been taxing to say the least. All you wanted to do was spend an indefinite amount of time rustling in your bed sheets and calling it sleep.

“I’m sorry, Jungkook.” You looked away from his eyes and down at the floor while closing the door gently. You could almost feel the dejection that seeped out of him at your response. You heard the sound of a sigh before his footsteps led him farther away.

You waited the rest of the day out in the comfort of your mattress, watching the sun dip down into the horizon and the sky become shrouded in darkness. Jungkook was right. You desperately needed to walk around and stretch your legs. The room had become claustrophobic after all these days of hiding out. You figured the guys probably all went to bed or were busy with their own duties, and it would do no harm if you just took a look around. Though last time you did that, Hoseok threw you out of the house.

You gingerly opened the door and looked both ways down the expansive hallway before embarking on your adventure. Even after all the time you’ve been here, you’ve only ever been acquaintanced with a couple rooms, and your walks with Yoongi were only restricted to the floor you were presiding on. You padded upstairs in bare feet, the cold of the marble slightly uncomfortable on your skin.

There was a slight commotion in one of the rooms at the end of the third floor hallway, and a yellow light spilled from the room. You quietly walked closer until you were resting against the wall just outside, unheard and unseen from the people inside. You could make out Namjoon’s voice clearest, but heard all of them in there discussing something you had yet to decipher.

“Hyung...she’s not okay.”

Oh, they were talking about you.

“I know, I just don’t know how to help her.” Seokjin.

“Maybe she should leave. She’s unhappy here and-” Taehyung’s statement was cut off by a blaring ring of a cell phone, casting an ominous feeling in Namjoon’s office space. You were still caught up in what he said, though. He wanted you to leave. They all wanted you to leave. Maybe you were just a burden to them. You swallowed down your tears and started to walk away from the boys, who were unbeknownst to your presence, until you heard it.

“Ambassador Yoo.”

Chills ran down your spine both at the name that came out of Namjoon’s mouth and the cold and calculating way he spoke. The other boys had delved into complete silence, and you held your breath in fear they could hear you. You wished he had put the phone on speaker, but you could only hear Namjoon’s side of the conversation.

“Yes, I’ve been expecting your call too.”

Your heart thundered inside your chest as your hands started to shake. You knew what they were doing. They were discussing you and your future like you’re a pawn to be passed around. A step stool to their higher goal. You slid down with your back to the wall, tucking your head between your knees and willing yourself not to cry. Not yet.

“I’ll take your request into consideration. If you do not hear from us, you know our answer.” The phone hung up with two beeps and even from outside the room, you could feel the thick blanket of tension and suspense. This was it. They were going to give you back to him despite everything that has happened. You were too much trouble for your worth and your father’s price for his daughter was too high for them to pass up. You couldn’t control the whimper that left your lips as the pain of supposed betrayal sprouted in your chest.

The boys’ heads snapped to the entryway of Namjoon’s office, finally noticing the shadow that had been sitting there for god knows how long. Namjoon’s heart fell in his chest at the quiet cries you tried to hide. He walked closer.

“Y/N?”, he whispered to your quivering form on the floor, wondering why the universe had put you through so much suffering to be so broken.

“When do I have to leave?” He almost couldn’t hear you from how quiet you spoke the sentence. You looked up meekly to see his perplexed face.

“You’re giving me back to him aren’t you? Like you did before. So tell me when I have to leave, Namjoon. And tell me how big of a check is he writing you?” You wanted to be strong and vindictive, but your voice betrayed you and cracked at the end.

Namjoon’s hands were cold when he held your face. The touch was so tender and so soft you might have just missed it, but cold and enough to alert you so you could look straight into his eyes. He was there, breathing alongside you, but you still couldn’t find the strength to let yourself trust.

“Never, Y/N. We will never do that again. Even if he gives us all the money in the bank. I’m so sorry”, he whispered in a shaky voice that felt far too genuine.

You could only shake your head at him, squeezing your eyes shut again to block out the world. Yet you still held onto him like he was a buoy and you were lost at sea. Namjoon waited for you to calm down and your rapid breathing to subside before standing up and offering a hand to lift you from the cold floor.

“I think we need to talk.”

They were all quiet when you walked through the doors of Namjoon’s office, spread across the sofas and chairs of the room and glancing at you with indecipherable guilt. You took your seat directly across from Namjoon, the both of you separated by a wooden table, and took a deep breath. His voice was grim when he began to speak.

“He wants to sit down and have a talk with you. To arrange something that works for all of us.”

Namjoon’s words seemed to be the spark that sets off an inferno, as the room erupted into loud and passionate exclamation.

“Hyung! No way in hell can we do that!” Jimin’s voice boomed in your ear as he angrily rose to his feet.

“Are you actually considering this Namjoon? What is there to ‘arrange’?” Yoongi stared accusingly at the leader. He stood beside your sitting figure on the chair, as if wanting to shield you.

“We don’t know what that bastard could pull. It’s too risky.” Taehyung opposed from his seat in the corner, making eye contact with you as you looked back at him with a gentle smile. He looked away abruptly and coughed, ignoring the flutter in his stomach and praying no one could see the way his ears turned red.

They continued arguing back and forth, everyone fighting for space for their claim to be heard and interrupting each other to no expense. You only sat there quietly, fidgeting with your hands in your laps and mind wracked with thoughts you hadn’t voiced yet. You coughed to get their attention and the room once again descended into silence.

“I….”

It felt hard to speak with all their eyes on you. You glanced up at Namjoon and he encouraged you to continue.

“I’d like to talk to him. If I can.” You could hear the others about to argue, but you kept going.

“I’m 22 and he can’t control me anymore. Even if he is the ambassador. I want to talk to him and settle it and leave this all behind me.”

You were surprised when your words left your throat calmly, with no quiver or sign of cowardice. Hearing this, the boys knew that they would not argue against you. This was your will and they would let you take the lead. Namjoon gave a nod and a tight-lipped smile, complying with your decision.

It was then that you realized you had doubted them so much. They had opened up their home to you and were giving you the space to cope. Namjoon’s phone call wasn’t to make plans with your father to send you away. It was to defend you.

You felt a hand land on your shoulder and squeeze it softly, looking up to find Yoongi’s smiling face. You wanted to cry.

“I’m…” You felt your voice becoming lost to another bout of tears.

“I’m sorry.” If you didn’t have your face buried in your hands, you wouldn’t have missed the way the boys looked at each other in horror. You were the last person in this room who should’ve been apologizing.

“You’ve been kind to me ever since I came back here. You guys have let me stay here with no questions asked, and I’ve been ungrateful and worrying you.” You sniffled, cursing yourself for being so pathetic and crying at everything.

“It’s just that...sometimes it’s so hard to breathe. When I think about Soyeon. About him.” Everything you said was so painful for them to listen to.

“So I’m sorry that-”

“Stop, Y/N.” It was Hoseok’s voice that cut through the tension of your aching monologue. He knelt down to your level and took your hand in his, looking at you through glistening eyes. He looked so hurt.

“Why do you apologize for other people’s mistakes?”

You opened your mouth instinctually to retort but no words came out when you realized he was right. Your whole life you’ve been apologizing for existing. Apologizing for your father’s actions and your sister’s ignorance and your mother’s absence. Hoseok would be damned if he let you apologize for their incompetence.

“We...” Hoseok gulped down his nervousness.

“We had a lot of unfair assumptions when we found out you were the ambassador’s daughter.” You were quick to realize that this was their way of answering the half rhetorical question you had cried out during your breakdown after Soyeon. You steeled yourself for the answer, curiously looking into his eyes and focusing on breathing.

Hoseok looked around to all the boys in the room, who have stayed quiet and centered their attention on the two of you. “All of us, when we were younger, never even knew what it was like to have more than $10 in your pockets at one time, or be sure that there was going to be food on the table that night.” He dropped his head to look at your intertwined fingers.

“We fought tooth and nail to get where we are. I guess to see you born in that, then decide to abandon it for some reason we didn’t know about made me angry.”

The boys don’t speak often of their past. It was uncomfortable to remember. But at that moment, they all made a silent promise to themselves. They would tell you about their history, for they had doubted your’s. They’d tell you about their families, their past loves, their past losses, and the scars that never seemed to truly fade. It was the least of what you deserved from them.

“People like your family always looked down on people like me. Like I was less than the dirt on the soles of their shoes.” Hoseok’s soul softened when you squeezed his hand gently.

“But that’s no excuse, Y/N. And I think I’ll spend the rest of my life thinking about my mistake.”

If utter self-contempt could be communicated through a facial expression, you were sure that it would be the one Hoseok was wearing on his face right now. Glancing around the room, you noticed all seven of them had the same one. You found yourself starting to cry. But for a different reason this time.

Hoseok’s eyes bulged out of their sockets when you flew up from your chair to trap him

in a tight hug, arms like the wings of an angel that wrapped snugly around his shoulders. In a way, that’s what you felt like to them. An angel. Fragile but still untarnished despite what the world had thrown at her to diminish her halo. He planted a kiss on the side of your temple, holding you back just as tightly that it was hard to breathe for the both of you. But it reminded you that you were alive. That they were there. And maybe it was okay to feel safe.

“You promise he won’t be able to touch me?”

“I swear on Jin’s life that he will never touch you again.” Taehyung smiled warmly at you, then proceeded to scowl as Jin hit him harshly on the shoulder. The two of them had decided to come to your room to keep you company for a while. Taehyung had dragged in a TV as you three mindlessly sifted through movies and shows, laying on the bed shoulder to shoulder and sandwiching you in the middle. As tough as they seemed as big, bad gang bosses, you’ve come to realize how young they truly are. Especially when they’re sitting next to you, giggling at funny scenes of cartoons.

Tomorrow was a big day, and you were glad that they could sense how nervous you were. You giggled, which may or may not be Jin’s new favorite sound.

“Okay, I trust you”, you breathed, finally realizing how tired you were and how long they had been here. You snuggled deeper into the mess of blankets and made yourself comfortable, lulled by the sound of the TV in the background.

“You know...Soyeon is really nice. Despite everything”, you murmured through fatigue. Taehyung and Jin glanced at each other over your slumped figure between them.

“I love her a lot.” You sniffled.

“We know you do, Y/N. I’m sorry about your sister.” Jin took your lonely hand in his and intertwined your fingers together.

“Do you think she would forgive me? For saying those things?”

Deep inside you, you knew that maybe it was best to separate yourself completely from your family, including Soyeon. But she had never been directly cruel. You’ve watched her grow up since she was a baby and you were impossibly fond.

“I think you are the one she should be asking forgiveness from, love.”

There it was. The pet name that Jin had called you before. You loved the way it spilled from his tongue so naturally. You sighed in contentment and the mattress that felt so much more comfortable tonight for some reason. Surely that had nothing to do with the human cocoon made from two boys that were trying to quell the warmth in their hearts at the sight of you.

“I’m glad I found you guys. Even after everything.”

You had closed your eyes before you could see the shy smiles that bloomed on their cheeks, falling victim to Morpheus and the dream world before you could hear that they were glad too. That they had found you.

Taehyung turned off the TV, nestling himself beside you on the wide mattress that comfortably fit your trio. Seokjin followed and set his tired head on a pillow, and reminded himself to thank Jimin later for being so fixed on buying satin plush pillows for the whole house. It was impossibly comfortable.

They cooed at the quiet snores that left your lips, your breathing coming out in puffs of air. Your face was clear on any worries or pain or hurt, and as Taehyung stared at you from where he lay, he found himself wanting it to stay that way forever. You had been through too much to still be so kind.

With Jin nestled at your back and Taehyung facing you, the three of you drifted off to sleep before the inevitable fear of tomorrow. Before he completely loses himself, though, Taehyung whispers another promise into the night. One he knows is shared by the boy at your other side and the ones sleeping quietly in the same house. Unheard by your ears and lost to the night air, but not to him.

“I’ll never let anyone hurt you again.”

“If he gets too close, you just make eye contact with the camera and we’ll come in right away.”

You nodded at Namjoon’s serious words.

“And if you want to stop talking to him, you do the same thing.”

You nodded again as Jin worriedly addressed you.

“And if-”

“I’m going to be okay, guys. He won’t hurt me. Not when you’re there.” Truth be told, you were scared out of your mind at the prospect of seeing your father again and having a civil conversation with him. But they were already so worried and apprehensive about even allowing this to happen. You were surprised by your strength to trust them.

They all smiled at you around the oval meeting table. Namjoon let out a sigh and nodded, gesturing for everyone to stand up. You knew it was time.

“Sir, he’s waiting in the white chamber.” Namjoon nodded at the member of the gang. You had yet to learn anyone else’s name, for there were just too many. Over the past few days, you had realized how much control they had over such a big group of people.

You gripped tightly onto Jungkook’s hand as the eight of you made your way into the room where your talk was to be held. You silently thanked him for not saying anything about your clammy palms or the way it shook in his hold. Jungkook only held on comfortingly.

The door to the room was gray stainless steel. You could see the blurry reflection of your figure and willed yourself to place a hand on the knob and just open it. It was the fear of what was waiting on the other side though, that made you stay frozen.

“Whatever happens...we’re right here.” Jungkook roped you in a hug and pulled back too quickly than what you would have liked, but not before leaving a fleeting impression of his lips on your forehead. You took a deep breath, then opened the door.

He sat in a chair with his back to you, facing another seat across a white table. You remembered this room. It had been the same one they put you in the first time through. You slowly took note of the several cameras overhead from the corners, and made your way to the chair. You hadn’t expected him to look as he did.

Your father’s face was adorned in a nose cast, and nasty purpling bruises peeked from under the white bandages. He sported a black eye, which looked like it was beginning to heal and other cuts littering his face. You’d have to thank Jungkook and Hoseok for that one later, and pushed the morbid satisfaction of your father’s beat up face away, steeling your expression. You would show him no weakness. Not anymore.

“Hello, Y/N. Long time no see”, his slimy voice bounced off the walls of the room, making you want to regurgitate.

“What do you need from me?” You didn’t want to waste any time or effort. You already wanted to leave and stop talking to him. He chuckled darkly.

“I want us to make a deal. One we can both benefit from.”

“You’ve never cared about what benefits me.” He smirked at your words, and you curse yourself for the tears that have welled up in your eyes. You hated it. Talking to your father like it was a business deal and that your life was a contract to sign.

“I’ll grant you your freedom from me. On the condition of the cooperation of the Bangtan syndicate in future endeavors and a non-disclosure on your part, of course.”

You knew he was talking about the abuse. He wanted to make sure your lips were sealed so as to not threaten his position. A sharp ache overcame you as you realized that to your father, you had the same worth as Bangtan as a business partner. You looked at him with sadness in your eyes, regretful of the man he’s become.

“Why did you hurt me so much?” your question caught him off guard, and the utter pain in your tone faltered his facade. You ignored the fact that they were all listening in to your conversation from outside the room. This was only a conversation between you and your father.

“I’m your daughter. Why did you want to hurt me so much?” You no longer cared if he saw you crying, and let the rivers flow down your cheeks. You wanted to know why he no longer loved you like he did before. What happened to make him so evil and careless. If he still carried an ounce of care for you deep, deep in his heart. Your hopes were quashed, though, when the familiar sinister smile etched its way on his lips.

“Y/N, you’ll never grow up, won’t you. Peoples’ priorities change. It was your mistake to think you were one of mine. Mine was only ever money and power, and I’ve achieved it.” His words had struck a different kind of pain in your heart. One that burned so much more. You felt it scalding down your throat and stinging as it coursed through your veins. The pain of truth.

“You were only collateral damage.”

You held the sobs down in your chest, promising yourself you won’t give him the satisfaction of seeing you completely break down. A deep breath in. A deep breath out.

“I agree to your conditions. I never want to see or hear from you again.” It was hard to finally say those words, but you relished in the relief that washed over your soul. To finally have semblance of closure and let your past go. Making eye contact with the surveillance camera, you proceeded to push yourself up from the chair, and felt the mental fatigue weigh down on you as you made your way to exit.

It seemed your father had different plans though, as his arm shot out and his hand clasped painfully to your wrists, sharp fingernails burying into your skin in a way you knew would leave bruises and then some. Everything else had happened so quickly you didn’t have time to breathe. Hoseok busted into the room, aiming a sleek Glock 19 at your father’s foot before expertly firing. His hold on you released and he screeched at the searing pain of the bullet, expletives freely flying out of his mouth. Hoseok pushed you behind him.

“Pull something like that again and the next one goes in your forehead”, Hoseok seethed, glaring at the man with something akin to murder in his eyes.

“Are you all right, Y/N?” he whispered under his breath, strangely unfazed after pulling a trigger. His attention was solely on you, heart stinging at your tear-stained face and the memory of the poisonous words he couldn’t imagine a father could say to his child. You didn’t trust your words, and nodded timidly.

The other boys showed up in record time, chests heaving from running as they took in the scene of your father bleeding on their floor and Hoseok with fire in his veins. You won’t deny it gave you a sick gratification at seeing him hurt for once.

“Get someone to clean that up. I believe this discussion has finished, Ambassador Yoo. Our affiliates will reach out and contact you promptly”, Namjoon stepped forward with an icy gaze, nonchalantly fixing his tie and not even sparing eye contact to the man. In the heat of it all, you hadn’t noticed the boys made a dam between you and your father, wanting to create a physical barrier to protect you. To their confusion, you pushed through them and stalked closer to the writhing figure on the floor, who was clutching his foot and seemingly close to tears. You stooped down.

“You’re a weak man. You’ve never known what it’s like to love or to have compassion.” His face increasingly morphed into irritation at your words, but you didn’t relent.

“I pity you. No one in this world cares for you now. I was the last one, and now I won’t care when you burn in hell.”

It felt good to spit your sentiments in his face, though you know you won’t be able to make up for the years of pain and suffering he has caused you. Catharsis won’t make those memories go away. Before you could react, your father swung an open palm at your face, slapping you so hard your head whipped to the side and fire licked at the skin on your cheek. The room erupted into chaos and Hoseok aimed the gun once again, but action halted when you held up a single hand to stop him.

You just wanted everything to be over. You wanted him gone and far away from you so he could no longer hurt you. You wanted to give up trying to understand him or invoke any sense of sympathy. Mentally and emotionally exhausted, you stood up and wiped away the tear that had escaped.

“Goodbye, dad.”

Walking away had never felt so easy.

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snaxpo · 3 years

Text

fuck it bugsnax/s4m au notes

alternate title: i’m at that point in liking something where i have to combine it with everything else i’ve liked previously and today i’m making that everyone else’s problem.

- base premise is a lil different! instead of being a journalist who was invited personally to the island by the expedition leader, you (or FK if you consider them a separate character from the player) are tasked with investigating the habitat, a budding commune on snaktooth island that may or may not be devolving into a cult. there’s just one teeny tiny problem - the commune’s leader and also your main suspect, boris habit, has been missing for weeks by the time you arrive.

- now it’s a matter of gaining the inhabitants’ trust/getting them to come back to the habitat while hunting and subduing the bugsnax, who seem increasingly eager to launch themselves at inhabitants at quite literally dangerous speeds, in a battle of wits to keep your newfound companions fed while documenting the strange creatures. and of course, the question of just what happened to boris habit still lingers in the air. think like... talentless nana where the protag pretends to be all cute and unassuming (complete with flower motifs!) but really they’re there on Super Secret Spy Business. but of course there’s less murder.

- oddly the bugsnax seem to have only become more aggressive after his disappearance. i’m sure it’s nothing.

- yes everyone is still a grumpus

- there isn’t really an interview “mechanic” so much as it is a Lot of cozying up to everybody in pursuit of whatever information you can find on habit/potential group rituals/events that led to his disappearance; you get it by bits and pieces rather than a single structured interview. there is of course a lot more interactions between characters than there is in s4m’s base game bc thats like 60% of the appeal of bugsnax and i would be a fool not to think of it.

- time for ideas for specific characters! kamal is the vice-mayor of the habitat and has been habit’s right-hand grump for as long as any of the inhabitants can remember, despite their relationship becoming increasingly strained ever since their arrival on the island, and especially before habit’s disappearance. i imagine you still find him passed out but instead of collapsing from starvation he’s like "please.... toothpaste... a breath mint.... some pepto bismol. i’ve been able to taste my own breath for weeks." has been trying to divide his time between looking after the habitat and looking for habit himself (and also his best friend wallus) but the dispersal of the habitat has left him a tad Demoralized, to say the least.

- i feel like trencil would play a wambus-adjacent role in the sense that he's the one taking care of the sauce plants and also one of the first townspeople you meet. you convince to come back with you not necessarily bc he'd be able to continue farming in town but bc he would probably have an easier time looking for his daughter if he got some sleep first (but only if you look for her in his stead)

- gillis is like. a wannabe chandlo. makes you capture a bunch of snax that he Says he's gonna use to get stronger but eventually you find out he's been releasing them or keeping them in like lil makeshift pet houses bc he always takes one look at their big googly eyes and turns to mush. but EVERYONE'S eating them so naturally if they find out he's not they're gonna think he's some kinda wuss so he just pretends.

- dallas keeps asking for sweet n colorful bugsnax to give to mirphy to impress her (sweetieflies, instabugs, etc etc.) but by some streak of bad luck they always end up being her least favorite. he tries to see if Maybe he can use them to make some new bugsnak-exclusive pigments, but like in canon they always end up turning into mush before he can get very far. mirphy meanwhile is far more interested in preserving them for a potential display, but similar to dallas, she never gets very far.

- i imagine the kid habiticians are like. a roving band of semi-feral children bc if anyone's gonna keep them in town it's definitely not kamal.

- i wanna do something with wallus SO BAD like you find him somewhere up in frosted peak but i have no idea what he would even DO its fucking killing me

- those are all the ideas i have For Now; s4m has more characters than bugsnax so there’s a lot to be done w/ them lmao. if i think of any more i’ll probably put it in another post or if anybody wants to spitball with me....... 👀

- and now we get to The Big Guns: habit.

- he was fun to work on w/ this au mostly bc despite being the rough equivalent of lizbert he’s a way different type of flawed leader than her; where liz is responsible to the point of martyring herself without a second thought and not thinking to delegate any tasks to the other snaxburg residents, which is what ultimately causes them to fall apart once she disappears, habit's deal is that he wants the position and appearance of an authority figure because it'll keep him safe, but he kind of sucks at taking responsibility for anything he does wrong because he’s spent most of his life acting according to what other people (namely his family) expect of him and being met with a negative reception no matter what, so he doesn’t really believe he has power over anything, including his own actions, despite being such a control freak for most of his own game. so his arc would need something that’s kind of antithetical to what liz had, wouldn’t it?

- so what i got so far is that au habit was tryin to covertly start a bugsnax cult bc he sees being asborbed by the snax as a sort of ascension and was eventually planning to have everyone be absorbed; it’s important to note however that bc information on bugsnax is so obscure he doesn’t actually 100% know how absorption works so tl;dr: habit became the bugsnax monarch willingly and then 5 seconds later he was like "oh no wait this fucking sucks. what have i done. shit. fuck."

- unable to cope with the realization that he was once again forced to act in accordance to someone (or in this case something) else's desires, he shuts down emotionally, becoming an empty husk of a grumpus while the bugsnax above run rampant thanks to the extra fuel and absolutely no restrictions until the Big Climax when habit is finally moved to take back control of the snax and by proxy Take Some Fucking Responsibility for knowingly luring people to cthulhu island. however this does leave the obvious question of if he was such an empty shell for most of the game why didn’t they just. eat him.

- the answer i eventually landed on was that his self-preservation instincts were still kicking on a subconscious level and during the aforementioned climax he eventually realizes that he does not in fact want to die, he just doesn’t want to keep living the way he is now (as part of an ancient hivemind beyond his understanding) or the way he was before (you know.)

- also fun fact: i was thinking about what his monarch body would be based off of bc the snakdragon, while cool as shit, didn’t feel right for him, and then i remembered that blooming onions exist. i imagine he’s in the middle acting as the flower’s “stigma”

- as for endings i’m thinking like. in the neutral ending kamal joins habit but its left ambiguous whether or not they'll ever be able to leave the island or if this is even a permanent solution (call that the paw in unloveable paw ending). in the good ending you bust habit outta his queen body after fending off enough bugsnax together and it’s super gross bc the undersnax as a whole is super gross but hey at least everyone’s leaving alive. i don’t know what a bad ending entails except most if not all of the cast is dead and habit is left alone on the island surrounded by reminders of his spectacular failure.

- hell i can even think of a sequel hook for the good ending like in canon bugsnax; some time after the ending/credits you ask habit just Where did he get the information on bugsnax that led to him being like “you could make a religion out of this” and the screen fades to black before you hear his answer. there.

- its almost midnight.

#text post #bugsnax #smile for me #smile for me game #s4m #bugsnax spoilers #au

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