#to my satisfaction and hopes.

[mejomonster]

Well. Silent Reading chapter 12, where they talk about Fei Du's moms death and how he doesn't accept the conclusion, how Luo Wenzhou advises he at least try to move on emotionally. The way Fei Du is tapping a song on his cup (perhaps his moms), that he stops tapping when Luo Wenzhou hits a nerve and becomes like a statue--revealing his true emotions in a way he doesn't/can't in therapy. The grief talk he probably has needed to hear for a while, but first a very painful talk where there is no seeing eye to eye and no agreeing because they both have their reasons. And Luo Wenzhou turns off the petty conflict for it because Fei Du deserves to genuinely discuss it with Luo Wenzhou as level headed adults with their analysis if Fei Du wants to. And Fei Du is so emotional, and in the end as he puts his mask back up. (A note on the show version: some portions of this changed, the main dialogue stayed fairly true and the function of the scene. In both cases, this scene absolutely cuts up my heart ;-; ):

"Someone once said to me that ‘everything that happens in this world leaves traces,’ but whether you can find them depends on each side’s luck. Is your luck good this time?”

Luo Wenzhou suddenly froze. The blow-for-blow probing, bantering, and hinting vanished utterly from his face. For an instant the corners of his mouth were even pulled a little tight.

Luo Wenzhou subconsciously got his cigarettes out of his pocket, thought of something, and put them back.

Instantly there was deep silence between the two of them. Neither looked at the other. They only sat side by side with a distance of about one meter between them, like complete strangers.

“The windows and doors were locked. None of the rooms showed signs of forced entry. The most advanced security system of the time was entirely untouched.” Luo Wenzhou abruptly opened his mouth to speak, his voice very low and his speech very fast, as if he had already recited these words many times and could smoothly say them without missing a single punctuation mark.

“She had done her makeup and changed her clothes, even put on music. The scene had a certain feeling of ritual. There was a suicide note arranged on the writing desk next to her. It was analyzed, the handwriting confirmed to belong to the deceased. The person who had written the letter showed clear depressive tendencies, which tallied with her daily use of antidepressant medication. The deceased was an adult, with no illness or injury that may have led her to be unable to act for herself. No drugs sufficient to cause unconsciousness were found in her system. There were also no defensive wounds on her body.—That’s all the evidence we collected at the time. You were the one who reported the case. You reached the scene before we did. Unless you want to tell me that you hid some evidence back then, it was without a doubt a suicide.”

Fei Du didn’t speak. His sitting posture seemed very relaxed—legs crossed, upper body leaning forward slightly, one hand casually lying on his knee and the other holding a paper cup that was no longer steaming. His long and slender fingers were tapping out a beat on the rim of the cup, as if there was a melody no one else could hear filling the air.

“I said to you then, ‘Everything that happens in this world leaves traces, as long as it’s real. Without traces to support your opinion, however much you believe in it, it’s still only a dead end of the imagination.’ Fei Du, you may have had a certain intuition, but we can’t do our job based on intuition. My intuition tells me every day that I can make five million.” Luo Wenzhou’s gaze stopped on Fei Du’s fingers. Then, in an almost callously objective tone, he said, “And you know, there’s a theory abroad that says that if a person wants to kill herself, she may suddenly use some means to confess it to the people close to her—you heard her confession back then.”

Fei Du’s fingers suddenly stiffened.

Luo Wenzhou reached out his arm, pulled the paper cup out of his hand and put it aside. “If you really want to talk over this case with me, I maintain my judgment to this day—but it doesn’t matter whose judgment it is. That isn’t important anymore. She’s been dead for seven years. When the coffin is closed, you can judge a person’s life. The relevant evidence has all disappeared. This isn’t going to sound good, but if she’s reincarnated she’ll already be attending primary school. The living can cling on without letting go; it’s a form of emotional sustenance. But there’s no sense in blindly clinging to the wrong course.”

Maintaining his original posture, Fei Du sat without moving a muscle, as if he had turned into a statue.

Just then, Zhang Ting and the lawyer came out side by side, and Fei Du’s gaze moved slightly, giving off a trace of living energy.

“I don’t accept your conclusion, Officer Luo,” said Fei Du.

Hearing this, Luo Wenzhou wasn’t at all taken aback. He only shrugged.

Fei Du adjusted his jacket and stood to meet Zhang Ting and the lawyer. He looked down at Luo Wenzhou. There was no smile on his face; his expression was even somewhat somber. “But perhaps there’s some merit in your heartfelt advice.”

Luo Wenzhou was surprised, but after saying this, Fei Du once again put on his graceful mask and left with Zhang Ting. They didn’t have any further interaction.

[soup-of-the-daisies]

cannot stop thinking about that meta that’s like “voldemort’s ultimate goal was to simply destroy the british wizarding world” because it makes so much sense. tom riddle was a poor, orphaned, assumed muggleborn boy with a (most likely) ‘commoner’ accent and a distaste for humanity who sorted into slytherin, the hogwarts house infamous for being filled with loud rich bigots. tom riddle, with his background, could not have possibly been very popular those first few years of his schooling. tom riddle would’ve loathed the lot of them, all those arrogant, spoiled rich kids boasting about their family line. finding out he was the heir of slytherin would have been both a relief (he has something to fit in) and a jackpot (if they knew, they’d bow before him). and he uses that heritage later, when ‘tom riddle’ has disappeared and a stranger called ‘voldemort’ appears in his place. the fanatics literally kiss his feet.

voldemort is canonically a genius. he would’ve known that non-magical blood doesn’t make you dirty or less talented, because he himself is the prime example of that. espousing the bigoted pureblood agenda was simply the easiest way to gain power over the ones in power—all to send society crumbling to the ground from the inside. he takes over the ministry and ruins it, taking the first steps in tearing down the establishment; he kills regardless of blood, implying he doesn’t give one flying fuck what your heritage is; he tries to destroy the sorting hat, which would render the concept of ‘houses’ void.

personally i think it’s very interesting and appealing to put this interpretation in the context of tomarry/harrymort. i’ve always HC’d that harry will grow tired when he’s older, after he’s saved the wizarding world once (at the expense of his own happiness and well-being) and sees that nothing has changed or will change. that voldemort was a symptom, not the disease. that he and hermione and ron keep struggling, working themselves to the bone to make their world more fair and to suppress and eradicate the rampant underlying bigotry, but that it just won’t take.

and with an older harry, an embittered one, turned caustic and cynical by the very world he once viewed as his sanctuary—i don’t really think their beliefs would differ all that much. they’ve both seen and experienced the injustices. they’re both annoyed and disenchanted. harry will always have a regard for life, and voldemort won’t ever, but if anyone would have a wish to tear society down and build it back up again it’s them both.

[rogerrrroger]

HEAVY TF2 TUMMY ‼️‼️‼️

IVE BEEN WAITING FOR YOU

@heavytf2tummy

[hunxi-after-hours]

Hello! I love your ORV posting. I do have an embarrassing question; can I ask how heartbreaking the ending is? I've tried reading it a large number of times, but have had trouble getting past the chapters in the 300s; I'll reread it up til that point over and over again, but can't continue. Not because I don't enjoy it, but because I get so swept away by the emotions, and all the characters go through is agonizing. I know it's not real! But my heart aches all the same, in a way I've never experienced this with a novel before, and I feel like a child LOL (It's also extremely funny-frustrating because I realize how thematic this is to the story itself). I'm not worried about the characters Kim Dokja is fighting for, but given the patterns in the story and how it seems to be told, I'm too afraid to keep going. I know I could just look it up, but at the same time, I don't want to spoil all the mysteries; just if my heart can rest easy. TLDR, if it's not too spoilery, is there any light for kim dokja in the ending? or is it a tragedy through & through?

(If this is a dumb question, please feel free to ignore this)

oh boy anon, I've been sitting on this ask for a hot second because it's hard to answer! so I will attempt to talk around it in a way that will hopefully (?) avoid spoilers

as I see it, the nature of orv's ending (broadly writ) is additionally complicated by the fact that there are approximately four(ish) endings:

1) the ending at chapter 516

2 + 3) the ending(s) at chapter 551

4?) the side stories

the ending at chapter 516

this is probably what many people would characterize as BE, but I'd personally compare it to the ending of my love, my life, 《琅琊榜》 Nirvana in Fire, in that the ending may be "sad" (broad air quotes to vague-ify whatever "sad" entails) but it feels earned. it feels right. it feels like the logical conclusion of what the entire book was building up to. some may consider it a tragedy, but it's not a hollow, meaningless tragedy — it feels correct. this is the note that the novel officially ends on, but is then over(?)written by the existence of—

the ending(s) at chapter 551

Kim Dokja's Company looks at the ending of ch. 516 and says "aw hell no" and sets out to rewrite that ending. after 35 chapters of epilogue, we've unlocked an OE — an open ending, that concludes the moment before the HE/BE ambiguity will be resolved. schrodinger's ending, except you, the reader, get to choose what you believe — and I do think the epilogues are written beautifully to get you here (they implicate the reader in a wonderful and deeply empathetic way). and from what I've seen, the vast majority of the fandom chooses to take the offered HE option and run with it; everyone lives happily ever after together in a big house, a million domestic post-canon fics will attest. this is the closest, I'd say, that would come answering your question of whether Kim Dokja has light in his future with an emphatic, loving "yes"

(I also think it's worth mentioning that the epilogues add a lot to the story; they fill in narrative lacunae and tie up loose threads that aren't answered in the original 516 chapters, so I don't consider the epilogues as "separate" or "extra." the epilogues aren't a fix-it tacked onto the end of the narrative; they serve and enrich the narrative in a way that would actively reduce the luster of the story if lost)

the side story

a few years down the line, Sing-shong have returned to the text to tie up "a few more loose ends." the side story is currently being serialized, and more or less picks up from where chapter 551 left off. this necessarily chooses among your OE options as detailed above; whether the side story will end happily, or with "light for Kim Dokja," currently remains to be seen as it is still ongoing. I've fallen off the bandwagon and have been meaning to catch up, but from what I've read so far I think the side story is an interesting and worthwhile addition to the text. Sing-shong continue to innovate and develop upon the worldbuilding and narrative they have already created, and we have met a new cast of characters that have rapidly become as dear to us as the old (the old cast of characters are also here, don't worry). if I were a betting person, I would say that the side story is headed in a more-or-less HE direction; the side story is currently engaging with and complicating themes of (self-)identity and (self-)worth through the many lenses of Kim Dokja, and while it remains to be seen how it resolves, I am tentatively optimistic that it will, if nothing else, be satisfying

TL;DR the ending(s) of ORV can be variously construed as HE, BE, or OE, and the elements of tragedy woven into the narrative and characters are inherent to the text. however, no tragedy is meaningless in ORV, and all of the endings feel earned

[autumnhobbit]

.

[letmetellyouaboutmyfeels]

now that the season has wrapped do you have any thoughts on buddie and whether it's happening or not. i do recall you made a post before the season started if all this buddie promotion before the season started wasn't leading to buddie then it would be cruel. for the record i do still very much believe this is all leading to buddie endgame but just curious to hear your thoughts if possible now that the season has ended. Hope you have a lovely day.

Back at the end of season three, I expressed the opinion that season four was going to be the "shit or get off the pot" moment for Buddie. The event horizon, if you will.

Given that we now know they attempted to make Buddie canon at the end of season four with the shooting/using the shooting to go into season five with Buddie becoming canon there, I think I can safely say my prediction/analysis was correct. The studio stopped them, the story line was stalled, and now we're here.

Many people have noted that season seven feels in certain ways like a reboot for Buck and Eddie. Eddie is going through a dark period similar to season five, he's heavily paralleled with Bobby who is going through it as well, and Buck is bi (as Oliver Stark said something they tried to do in season four). So while I would've loved Buddie canon this season, I can see why they wouldn't want to rush things and would want to retread some ground first to properly lay foundations.

However, while I know everyone's chanting "slow burn! slow burn! slow burn!" we already... kinda got everything for a slow burn that we'd want? The only thing we could do is have confessions of feelings to a third party and then mutual pining but really I feel like you could view them as having done that mutual pining and so on already?

I personally feel that season eight is the new event horizon. The shit or get off the pot season. If it doesn't happen by then, then others I'm sure will continue to be hopeful or even certain of Buddie canon, but I personally won't be. There's only so long you can drag something out before even if it does become canon, it's unsatisfying.

To be clear, I don't think Buddie isn't happening. I think ABC wants it, and I think the majority of the cast and crew want it, but it ain't over 'til it's over and so I don't want to say "yes Buddie is FOR SURE happening 100% I have zero doubts." I think it's highly likely that we'll get Buddie canon, I certainly hope we do, I think it's the only thing that makes sense for the characters - I'm just saying that we're quickly approaching once again the point where you have to either make it canon, or we're not going to get it.

So those are my thoughts. Hopefulness tempered with my usual anxiety, and a statement of fact. I hope we'll get Buddie canon, but whether we do or not, season eight is the moment I feel we'll know. I personally probably won't be holding out hope if it doesn't happen next season, but that's just me and my own analysis! Do not let me stop you from your own hopes and dreams!

[oddvanilla]

hiiiii, wanted to tell u that YOUR SO COOL MAN ‼️‼️‼️

NOOOOOO STOP STOP STOP THIS MADNESS!!!!!!!!! UR WAAAAAAAAY COOLER

K-k-k-kill them with your kindness, baby >///< hehehe :33 /J (<- or maybe not...)

U DID IT

GODDAMN IT OFC YOU DID IT

YOU GOT ME WITH THE "YOUR SO COOL MAN‼️‼️‼️"

HOW WILL U SLEEP AT NIGHT KNOWING THAT YOU DID THIS....KITTEN.... GRRR....🐺🐺🐺

BE A GOOD GIRL N SAY SORRY BEFORE YOU GET THE BAD GIRL PUNISHMENT 👿👿 (OKAY LISTEN THIS IS SATIRE I THINK.????)

[uglynicc]

Me: *watches Borderlands movie trailer*

Also me: *sees Mouthpiece or at least his mask in a quick shot*

Me again: *has mental breakdown wondering if this means there will ever be a live action movie version of Troy and Tyreen*

[twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat]

heyy luv, i was wondering if you'd ever write something for toji! i enjoy your writings a lot, seeing him written by you would 100% heal me. much love xx

~ nunnie nun nun <33

HELLO LOVELY LOVELY ANON <33333 thank you sm!!!! i’m so happy you enjoy it!!!!!!! 🥺🥺

as for toji!!!!!! i have two toji fics in my wips rn, and i’m super excited to write them!!! toji is one of my absolute favorite jjk characters but i feel like it’s not obvious because i … don’t talk abt him that often. lmao. and i’m not really attracted to him in the way i am with stsg, so !!!! the fics i want to write for him aren’t very romantic!!!! i just can’t see him that way :’3 i have one platonic fic planned, and then another one that’s a little more romantic-leaning…? but still more character-focused than anything.

anyway since you gave me the opportunity!!! i put some snippets of both fics under the cut :3 the first one is very introspective and basically just my own take on toji and his depression, and the second one is my ghost!toji au!!!!! :333 it’s almost like a crackfic i think . him and reader are both assholes but they stick together <33 peak romance.

traumabonding au

———

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ghost au

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[add1ctedt0you]

For @tavina-writes : shifus' deaths

[faceofpoe]

Okay for my fellow last desperate hold-outs running with things like 'ohh the black armor is actually signalling teaming up with CX-Tech for the finale' who is ready to join me on the chess dejarik-master Tech got blown up/fall damaged back into his right self on Teth and has been maneuvering pieces to bring down Hemlock as best he can from the inside ever since train?

[daftpatience]

i wanna share cute pictures of the sticker spreads and such that i do in my journal also but the actual content of the entries is like. despairing. mostly. in really pretty colours of fountain pen ink

[garnetblackwater]

The Rustle of Leaves

Human female x forest guardian

Chapter 1: From The Rain Comes The Sun

Vanessa had to keep running, but it was incredibly fast and constantly gaining on her.  Maybe she’d have been fine but that fall she took was slowing her down. She could hear it behind her, consistently on her heels. Everytime it would get close it would narrowly miss her. It didn’t make sense, no one would be this lucky.

I should have been caught by now. Look around. Pay attention. Something isn’t right. It's like the thing isn’t even trying. Vanessa chanced a look around. She’d walked these woods before, this part is not familiar. “I’m being led away. Fuck!” There’s a snort behind her. Was that laughter? Is it amused, like this is a game? Vanessa’s fear turned to frustration. If this is to be my death, I plan to go out as an absolute problem. Not a toy in its game. 

That morning

The sun was already flowing into the room as Vanessa stirred from underneath her blankets. She let out a loud groan as she stretched out her limbs. It was a long night of drinking with the X-men, the cute name given to all of the history majors under their mentor, Professor Xavior Zent. 

A quick glance at the group chat showed a stream of pictures and videos. Some that will make it to social media, others that definitely wouldn't. All smiles and good times. Vanessa threw off her blankets and planted her feet on the floor. It was already past midday but she had plans. 

She checked herself over in the mirror, seeing if she looked as bad as she felt. Vanessa stood at around 5 foot 9 inches, tall and shapely. Her skin rich, russet brown barely showed past the oversized hoodie she went to sleep in. She looked at her eyes, a dark chestnut in color, in the mirror: big and round. Tired today but to be expected. She went to remove the bonnet from her head, but it fell haphazard from her crown. Hair curly, natural, and wild, roots of jet black fading to deep red. A bit of a mess, but it could be worse. Spray bottle in hand, she worked to get a hairstyle that would be reasonable for the day, landing on a half up bun. Deciding to let the rest of her curls free for the day. 

Though groggy, Vanessa was looking forward to the day. 

It was one of her favorite days in fact: hiking day. 

The sun was out again and her weekend was free so it was to the forest she went. 

Grand Sycamore National Park was only an hour's drive away. Hiking there had become a means of relieving stress for the year. Working on her masters and being a T.A. had taken up a large amount of time, but she always looked forward to these trips. Time alone in nature to just breathe and the time to decompress was very much needed.

 But first to go through the usual steps. 

Voice message to Sandy, her best friend, location and time of arrival.

“Van Van checking in to Sandy Cheeks. I have reached my destination. Over.

“Sandy Cheeks to Van Van. Starting my worry timer. Over and out.” Two hours starting now.

Check in at the rangers office, sign in and give information

There had been a warning from the park ranger at the front. It had rained this week so the ground would be slick in places. Noted.

Grab her backpack and enjoy the day.

Vanessa had a usual route she liked to take. The park map had various trails, but there was one that gave the best views during the day. She had a tendency  to go on autopilot during these hikes. Looking around, just breathing in nature. One of her favorite spots, an outcropping, was just ahead. Vanessa picked up speed, excited for the view, before coming to a sudden stop. 

Rain. 

Slippery. 

Gotta be careful. 

The view was beautiful, as it always was. She sat down to take it all in. Perfect time to rehydrate and soak in the sun as it glowed on her brown skin. Much needed serotonin. Wiping the sweat from her forehead, she decided it was time to move on. She stood a bit too fast and lost her footing. She went to reach out to steady herself but the hand slipped too. 

Damn sweat! 

“Ah fuck.” Vanessa opened her eyes, body sore. Okay. Okay. You know what to do. First: Check immediate surroundings. 

Not on an edge or cliff. Nothing dangerous above. No animals. Looks like regular foliage. 

Next: Body check.  

Toes are wiggling. Fingers doing the same. Okay time to sit up. Her head swims, a wave of dizziness washes over. Along with the mild sting of pain. Multiple spots. Left shoulder, aches. Right hip, aches. Her legs seem to only have minor cuts. Lucky me. She touched her head. Shit. Blood. She pulls out her phone. Maybe she can look at how bad it might be. 

Before she can make it to the camera she notices the time. Fuck! It's been 3 hours?! Fuck! She has been out for a while. Sandy will have notified the park rangers by now. She put her phone away and slowly began to stand. At least someone will be looking for me. I shouldn't move from here, but maybe I can find a more open spot before it gets dark. The ranger’s office is west. I can still see the sun. 

So she began to walk, slowly at first, testing every step for any sign of pain. Careful not to fall a second time. Vanessa is absentmindedly pulling twigs and leaves from her hair when she hears it. There's movement coming from behind her. She had only been walking for maybe 5 minutes and she hadn't noticed anything around before. At first Vanessa believed it to be just a small animal going to its burrow, so she kept walking. But the sound didn't stop, twigs snapping, and the crunching of leaves and foliage. Whatever it was seemed to be following. As Vanessa focused she noticed more about it. It was not small and seemed to be watching her. Panic began to settle in her chest. Please not a bear or wolf.  It began to get closer so Vanessa picked up the pace. She didn’t want to run and trigger the animal into chasing her but she also couldn’t just let it attack her. 

Panic. 

She could hear her heart pounding in her ears. All of the alarms in her head began to bare at once. She felt like a hapless bunny being rounded on by a lion. She dared glance in its direction. She felt the blood in her veins turn to ice and a cold sweat overtake her. It was large from what she could see of it hidden in the shadow of the brush. Its eyes large, wild, and hungry were level with hers. It crept forward, a low growl leaving its maw. Vanessa tried to step back slowly and unassuming, but fear was gripping her. Her flight instincts overwhelmed her brain, adrenaline already starting its course through her veins. The large beast lunged and barked in her direction.

Vanessa broke into a sprint. 

Must run. I have to get away!

[shalom-iamcominghome]

Hello Shalom! I hope you're having a good day.

I am a lurker on your blog, seeing someone finding so much belonging in another people brings me joy. I'm sending this because of the post in which you were worried you were a philosemite and to be honest it is a worry that has crossed my mind as well as someone who enjoy tumblr content, conversion blogs and enjoyed learning about Jewish cultures and (I hope) becoming a better ally to Jews.

So, my question would be, what is a philosemite and how not to be one? /gen

First: Thank you, I'm so pleased to know you're here - I feel honored to see you 🩵

So, philosemitism is a specific branch of antisemitism wherein people will often fetishize jewish people, jewish culture, or judaism. I call it antisemitism because - much like chasers for trans people - the problem isn't that you (impersonal) find fascination with another group of people. The problem is that you don't engage with jews and jewish culture from the standpoint of being equals, you specifically will characterize whatever it is that's gotten your attention.

With that in mind... I've been trying my best to avoid even looking like a philosemite because I don't want to be one. I think such a big part of that comes with a territory in that... having jews around you who are comfortable and speak about their experiences helps. Engaging with a jewish community has been really helpful - we talk, joke, laugh, and just... engage person-to-person, and it adds that human connection that brings you closer to others. For many philosemites, they are only happy to engage with the idea of jews but not the idea that jews are people with real feelings. So much of my desire not to be like that is being trans and being subject to many chasers (to clarify, a chaser is somebody who specifically fetishizes trans people).

For many minority groups, there are people who are only willing to engage with the minority insofar as that minority is not a person. The moment that person becomes a person, the illusion falls, and the interest is exposed as, essentially, a sham.

I worry a lot that my intentions are unclear to some, that I don't know how to expose my heart any more than it is now. I remedy that by trying to read, learn, listen, and ponder on actual jewish thought and opinion, and try to engage with as much of jewish culture as I can.

Now, to be clear, not every person with an interest in judaism, jewish culture, or allying themself with jews is a philosemite. That is wholly inappropriate to assume, and I would never apply that label broadly to any non-jew who, like you've expressed, wants to be an ally. The problem arises specifically when the tokenization and fetishization makes one believe that jews are not as human (don't have human thoughts, needs, opinions, complexities, feelings, the things that make us who we are).

[juniperhillpatient]

vibrating with love for ur own fucked up little fanfic is vital enrichment for ur enclosure actually. it’s necessary. u must do it <3

[densewentz]

exhausted health update because I have to rant somewhere lol

So we're ending day 12 of my mysterious right-sided numbness. It's moved from just my torso all the way down my right leg to my toes, so now I'm just hobbling around half numb rip. And now the torso numbness feels like im being vacuum sealed or something, just a horrible tightness and lack that makes it impossible to ignore. Went to the ER the other night and had 2 panic attacks within the span of the several hours I was there, got my bloodwork redone and a cat scan which all came back with a big Nothing on them. They told me I needed an MRI but that I'd have to go through my Primary Care and after I told them my primary wouldnt see me until May they referred me to a new primary not in my network so that's been a dead end rip. So far everyone is pointing at my horrific anxiety as the cause but not one doctor has actually offered me help for the anxiety despite me having the active panic attacks in the office lol. My Primary wont see me for several months despite the severity of my current condition and none of the mental health programs I've reached out to will get back to me so for now I'm just. Existing in this anxiety Ouroboros where my anxiety causes my numbness which causes anxiety which causes numbness. I'm trying stupid home remedies to try and minimize the active anxiety attacks but so far we've just been circling around alternating Holy Basil, Benadryl and literally just drinking Rum and going to sleep, which sure all help my anxiety a little maybe but also make it almost impossible for me to function normally during the day. This is making art difficult so commissions are going slow which is obviously making me more anxious lol. I also am home alone most of the week managing the household, which is made more difficult since right now the numbness in my foot/leg makes it dangerous for me to drive and difficult for me to get around my house to do daily tasks. Idk man I'm just tired as all hell and I seem to vacillate wildly between full anxiety breakdowns and depressive/dissociative episodes. At any rate during the week I'll just be constantly calling and harassing every doctor/therapist I can get a number for trying to find someone who will be able to either address my anxiety directly or can at least get me into an MRI to rule out MS or anything else that ISNT anxiety. I'm going to become the bane of the medical profession for a while. Wish me luck!