#tori does name meaning aesthetics

[littleeyesofpallas]

So, Shutara in the anime, huh?

okay okay yeah i got around to e13 this morning and I see what everyone was excited about. Some of the new lore i'm a little iffy on, but ooo the visual designs are more than enough for me to chew on.

So the obvious highlight is Shutatsu Karagara Shigaraminotsuji[娑闥迦羅骸刺絡辻]

Shutatsu[娑闥]: Oldwoman* gate

*weirdly this kanji does not appear to be commonly used in Japanese at all, but does have the Japanese specific(as in Chinese and Korean don't use it this way) meaning of "old woman" but I have no idea in what context it would be used or if there is some other usage of it that could be evoked here other than to mean "old woman."

The "Gate" in question though seems to be a more obviously superficial reference to the shape of the bankai itself using the bits of sewing machine to make a tori gate.

Karagara[迦羅骸]: "Kala" Husk

So it appears that the Kara[迦羅] here is from the Chinese writing[摩訶迦羅] of the Sanskrit Mahakala[महाकाल] which is alternatively named Daikokuten[大黑天] in Japanese, and is a Buddhist god of wealth. (it is also the way the Japanese write the name of a 6th century Korean kingdom? but that doesn't feel relevant here...)

But of note, the Japanese name itself made up of ka[迦] which has no meaning(?) and is just used phonetically? and ra[羅]: referring to "Silk" or "gauze" or other similar lightweight fabric. The -ra at least seems to have more literal applications here, but honestly it feels less pertinent next to the extremely conspicuous word choice...

And gara[骸] is "shell"/"husk" and other similar things that get left behind when you remove the innards. The character itself can also mean a "corpse"/"cadaver" but not generally when it's pronounced as "gara." (The image it evokes to me is letting a robe or gown slide off your shoulders and drop to the ground, the robe being the "husk.")

(but apparently some people think this could be a play on the sanskrit karagara[कारागार], meaning a "prison"/"jail" or otherwise "place of confinement"? But i have no idea why anyone would have chosen the kanji in question to approximate that... I'll be honest, I don't buy it; it gives me very "I'll send you to the netherlands!" translation flub vibes. The techniques themselves do feel reminicent of the Buddhist naraka in theme and aesthetic, but the leap from "prison" to "naraka" seems unsubstantiated by the wordplay here.)

Shigarami-no-tsuji[刺絡辻]: Bloodletting crossroads

shiraku[刺絡] is the bloodletting technique used in old Chinese medicine. It's sometimes thrown under the umbrella of "acupuncture" but the methods are different. Where as the needles in acupuncture are meant to be precise and release pressure, the blood letting involves a few semi-random pricks in a localized area and then the use of a heat cup to create a vacuum that draws the blood out.(better than leeches at least...) The thing with the heat cups is what's being referred to here.

But broken down it's, shi[絡] "thorn"/"prick"/"splinter" + kara[絡]: "entangled"/"entwined"/"enmeshed"/"wrapped up in" etc... literally describing being "in the middle of (many) needles"

tsuji[辻]: a "crossroad." Nice and straight forward.

my issue however is that I'm not entirely sure where the "mino" phonetics here came from, or what that very deliberate choice of alternate reading might mean in this context... (see comments section)

(also, sorry if anyone's squeemish about cups full of blood, but I tried to find an image that at least obscured the actual needle wounds)

and then there is...

Shideno Rokushiki Ukimonnohata[死出六色浮文機]

Shideno[死出], lit."death+exit" a more specific term for "Death" from shide-no-yama[死出の山]: "mountain of death" that refers to a mountain the dead cross to get into the afterlife. Appropriately evoked by forcing the Sternritter each through their own illusory ordeal.

Rokushiki[六色]: "Six Colors" appears to just refer to the fact that there were 6 of them.

Ukimonno Hata[浮文機]: "Brocade Loom." "Brocade" being made up of the words [浮文]: "Floating+Character" referring to the raised patterning. and [機] being a kanji for "machine" but when pronounced "hata" it specifically refers to a loom or other textile machine.

Much easier to pick apart by comparison at least...

[everythingsinred]

Hi hii!! I hope you're having a nice day 💜💜

Ok I'm gonna be really mean with the 50 questions ask-

Whichever ones you want, with Ruka, Natsume, or Mikan

(i find it mean bc i am tragically indecisive)

i am doing great!

(i think that u sent this again, adding mikan... so i'll answer this one instead of the other one, if that's okay)

ur ask is so tempting so i will do as many as i can for all three, thank u <3

Ruka-pyon <3

1. Canon I outright reject? he would NEVER leave natsume not EVER. i know tsubasa had to basically drag him out of there but i hate that he left i HATE it

2. A canon or headcanon hill I will die on? i don't think he would ever date mikan after natsume's hypothetical death. i don't think either of them would be able to.

3. Obscure headcanon? his favorite disney movie is fox and the hound.

4. Favorite line? "Meeting you, and coming with you here to the Academy... I never even once regretted it." (chapter 146)

5. Best personality trait? his loyalty. he's very sweet and i love that, but his loyalty is what moves mountains, what fights wars, what transcends the rules of time and space.

6. Worst personality trait? i must have mentioned this at some point but he's perfect. but really i think he shouldn't feel like such a burden when he brings so much to the table.

7. Age/height/weight headcanon? i don't need a headcanon when i have character profiles! 140 cm/4'6 and 35 kg/77 lbs at his debut, 173 cm/5'8 and 66 kg/145 lbs in the last chapter. also i believe he's the youngest of the main four? he turns 11 in march, after natsume, mikan, and hotaru have all had their 11th birthdays.

8. Unpopular opinion about them? i've already said i only like his relationship with mikan platonically, so i'll say something else.

9. Scene that first made me love (or hate) the character? "bird meets tori!" where we see him using his alice with piyo. though it's been so long since i first met him that i really can't remember ever NOT loving him.

10. Best moment on screen (or in the book)? my favorite ruka moment is when he's waiting for natsume in the backseat of the car to go to the academy with him. makes me cry every single time.

12. Crack headcanon? i like thinking of him growing little flowers on his windowsill in his dorm and that he very much likes baking... again "crack" i use loosely.

13. Dumbest thing they’ve ever done? this...?? maybe? i dont think he does many dumb things...

14. Most heroic moment? i just think there's so much strength in ruka's actions in the new year's arc, even if he feels like such a burden the whole time. though i also think this one is very brave.

15. Worst thing they’ve ever done? very tough to say because he's a well-meaning child! i don't like to be negative abt the kids. that being said, this might be natsume AND ruka's worst moment lol. ruka was complicit in that.

17. Quotes, songs, poems, etc. that I associate with them? zoe and i do have a ruka playlist, but it's private right now because it's unpolished. that being said, here are some songs from the playlist.

18. What they’d go to see a therapist about? his self-esteem issues, namely his feelings of being a burden and his apparent social anxiety that stems from a lonely, isolated childhood.

21. Drink of choice (not just alcoholic)? lemonade!

22. Best physical feature? his pretty blue eyes! he's so beautiful!

23. If they were a scented candle, what would they smell like? YOU ASKED THE RIGHT PERSON. i imagine he would be a lovely, simple floral scent, as well as something a little sweet and refined.

24. Most annoying habit? he's done nothing annoying??? tho for real i think people might get annoyed by his natsume-apologism (especially in story lol)

27. Their guilty pleasure? i think he'd probably like musicals but get very embarrassed abt it. tho i might just be projecting winston bishop on him based off his one musical performance as snow white that he obviously didnt even want to do.

31. If they had a tumblr what would it look like? VERY aesthetic, sweet, with lots of photography, poetry quotes, and pictures of animals.

32. Something guaranteed to make them smile/laugh? when he finally lets himself poke fun at natsume and mikan! they make him laugh a lot, when he puts his walls down <3

33. Something guaranteed to make them cry? when he thinks too hard about his family, because of how much he misses them.

35. Their idea of a perfect day? spending time with his friends and snuggling with an animal... i think he'd be content with simple pleasures.

36. Their favorite season? i associate him with spring! with flowers and baby animals and gentle weather. i think he'd like it too, for lots of the same reasons.

37. What they really think about themselves? he thinks of himself as a burden, obstacle, impediment, that he holds the one person he loves most back when all he wants is to help. as a result, he withdraws and hides himself away bc he doesn't think he's capable of contributing much anyway.

38. Favorite holiday? maybe easter? i'm not familiar with japanese holidays so i cant say for sure but the easter aesthetic suits him.

39. Favorite game? card games!!!

40. Favorite book? i have a predominantly western understanding of literature because i have a degree in english literature, so forgive me. i think he'd like romantic poets, like whitman, wordsworth, byron, and dickinson. he'd like romanticism for it's emphasis on the natural world and on emotion and justice. i think he'd like classic children's books too, like peter pan or alice in wonderland.

41. If they could have lunch with anyone in the world (living or dead, from any fictional universe or the real world), who would it be? he'd wanna eat lunch with his parents because he misses them <3

42. 3 comfort items? i had a long and nice answer for this but tumblr ate it (which pisses me off so much u have no idea) so i dont remember what i'd said. the earbud transmitters hotaru left him, but i cant remember the other two. ill reblog again if i remember.

43. 3 favorite foods and 3 they despise? i think ruka would like bread and pastries, lots of desserts. i dont have much of an inkling what he wouldn't like except that i believe he's a vegetarian so he wouldn't eat meat. i just dont understand how he could have such connection and empathy for animals, genuinely love them as friends, and have the animal pheromone alice on top of that, and eat them. i dont think he'd judge anybody for eating meat, but he wouldn't be able to himself.

44. Their happiest memory? meeting natsume <3

46. The person they most admire? natsume, mikan, and his mom. people whose strength he admires and maybe covets.

47. Their dream job? he wants to be a vet!!!!

48. Scariest moment of their life? poor ruka has gone through a lot of scary moments but i think he's managed to be brave each time anyway, which is very admirable. i keep saying natsume for all his answers, but i think natsume's death would be the scariest moment because he genuinely couldn't do anything to stop it. i think not only was it the moment he lost his best friend, but also a moment that made him feel like he really couldn't be of any help or support to natsume after all, that he really was a burden.

49. Favorite toy as a child? rich boy ruu-chan had a lot of toys and while i'm tempted to think he'd like stuffed animals, at the end of the day i think he'd be way more interested in playing with real animals. i think they made him feel accepted and understood and less alone.

50. A memory they’ve blocked out? i think the memories of the time between natsume dying and coming back would be a bit blurry. he wouldnt have been holding on tight to that period of time, to put it lightly.

Natsume <3

1. Canon I outright reject? I will never accept him dying young. sorry higuchi but i just cant listen to you.

2. A canon or headcanon hill I will die on? natsume LOVES chocolate and sweets. why do so many people insist on him hating sweets just because he's "cool" i dont get it???

3. Obscure headcanon? he listens to rap and rap rock. im sorry i just. cant imagine he wouldn't love rap. whatever.

4. Favorite line? i love when one of the kids asks him to tutor him when the whole class is in study mode, saying, "i thought if i went in with a 'do or die' attitude then maybe..." and natsume replies, "then die." (i know it's hard to see but it's at the bottom, where ruka's face is.) ALSO on a more serious note, "can you wait for me?" because it KILLS me.

5. Best personality trait? how sweet he can be!!!! no but seriously natsume acts cool but he's the most hopeless romantic of the bunch and i live by that.

6. Worst personality trait? martyr complex.

7. Age/height/weight headcanon? who needs headcanon when we have canon!! natsume is ten (a couple months away from eleven) when he's introduced and the second youngest (only older than ruka) in the main four (the boys being younger than the girls is so cute). he's sixteen at the epilogue and in kageki <3. he's 140 cm/4'6 and 34.5 kg/76 lbs when we meet him, and 175 cm/5'9 and 72 kg/159 lbs at the epilogue.

8. Unpopular opinion about them? i think the popular opinion is that natsume is a baby boy who deserves peace and love after a childhood of rage and agony but if you disagree, i'll throw u off a cliff myself.

9. Scene that first made me love (or hate) the character? im gonna be real with u. he was my fav from the start. i never ever had negative feelings towards him ever from the beginning. is that weird? idk. i dont really care. i saw him with his mask and was determined to watch the whole anime just bc he was in it.

10. Best moment on screen (or in the book)? it's really hard for me to answer this but i think my favorite natsume moment is when he finally rebels against the ESP and persona... something he'd always wanted to do but couldn't, finally given the chance through the knowledge that he'd rather be dead than allow mikan to live through the same suffering that he does.

13. Dumbest thing they’ve ever done? getting mikan to play the prince. he's so fucking stupid.

14. Most heroic moment? he wishes it was his death scene! i think his most heroic moment was when he decided to go to the academy for his sister. i pick this scene and not any others bc when natsume risks his life later on, part of it is motivated by suicidal ideation so it's kinda hard for me to think of those moments as anything but.

15. Worst thing they’ve ever done? same answer as ruka's. yes i say this even knowing that he might have killed people during DA missions. those other ppl arent real to me; mikan is.

17. Quotes, songs, poems, etc. that I associate with them? again, zoe and i made a killer playlist for the main 4 ga characters. natsume's is the best though, we both agree. since, again, the playlist is still under construction, here are some tracks from it that suit him. (lots of them are triggering, particularly regarding thoughts of suicide, just as a warning.)

18. What they’d go to see a therapist about? everything? trauma, self-image, martyr complex, suicidal ideation, dealing with terminal illness... there's a lot.

19. Vices/bad habits? he has a lot! the worst is his overuse of his alice.

20. Scars? i'm sure he has some. DA missions are not safe and although natsume is canonically immune to his own fire, he's not immune to flying shrapnel and rubble. i like the anime showing us some glimpses into what his missions might look like. we even got to see him get shot, an injury he (presumably) patched up himself instead of going to the hospital for, which is VERY in character. the anime NAILED that episode (chef's kiss, best episode ever, hands down).

21. Drink of choice (not just alcoholic)? cherry dr pepper (this is just a ridiculous joke zoe and i made that is now serious. what a sickening beverage)

22. Best physical feature? his eyes! so pretty. i also love his silky hair. he is SO pretty and has sUCH pretty eyelashes. most beautiful boy ever.

23. If they were a scented candle, what would they smell like? he'd be a lovely scent, very woody and foresty. not floral or sweet.

24. Most annoying habit? martyr complex.

31. If they had a tumblr what would it look like? it's hard to imagine natsume having a tumblr tbh but i think if he did it would be a little anticlimactic. he'd mainly just reblog stupid self-deprecating jokes and edgy music.

32. Something guaranteed to make them smile/laugh? jokes with ruka <3 teasing mikan <3 :)

33. Something guaranteed to make them cry? sadly, natsume rarely cries. but he cries when he loses someone, so leaving his father, and i think he must have cried when he woke up after dying just to find out mikan was gone.

35. Their idea of a perfect day? a good day would probably be if he doesn't have to go on a mission. a perfect day would be the two christmases where he got to kiss mikan. i think he went to sleep very happy those nights.

36. Their favorite season? spring <3 though i always associate him with autumn and winter.

37. What they really think about themselves? BAD. not worth the trouble. exists for others. similar nonsense.

38. Favorite holiday? CHRISTMAS

39. Favorite game? playing cards with ruka! also its easy to imagine him being into video games, particularly violent ones.

40. Favorite book? i think he'd prefer manga to books but if he were to read books i think he'd like fucked up shit. maybe horror like stephen king or something.

41. If they could have lunch with anyone in the world (living or dead, from any fictional universe or the real world), who would it be? his mom

43. 3 favorite foods and 3 they despise? i base this off of official art (thus, canon), but pasta, chocolate, and strawberries are his favorite foods. i think he wouldnt like coffee (thats why he always drinks it in my fics lmao....) and i like imagining him as being a childishly picky eater. i dont really have any evidence for his dislikes. just vibes.

44. Their happiest memory? meeting ruka and both christmases <3

46. The person they most admire? i think he would admire his mother and yuka a lot. obviously, he also admires ruka and mikan, for being unlike him.

47. Their dream job? he simply does not dream of labor. it's really hard for me to come up with a job he'd love bc of how he's been forced to work as an actual child. he likes manga... maybe something involved with that?

48. Scariest moment of their life? when aoi burned down the village, though i do think he's had lots of scary moments after that too. i just think that was probably the moment he realized how powerless he really was, how much he was at the mercy of others simply bc he was a child.

49. Favorite toy as a child? i think he'd probably be a big fan of matchbox cars? or maybe im saying that bc i liked matchbox cars. (and also cuz theyre called matchbox cars). he seems to like basketball too!

50. A memory they’ve blocked out? natsume is a big ball of trauma so i wouldnt be surprised if there was plenty. i think he's kind of forced to compartmentalize a lot, since his experiences in the DA class are so gruesome and different from his school life, so he'd be forced to pretend like he didn't just go on a terrifying mission last night, which leads to unprocessed trauma and maybe even blurred memories.

Mikan <3

1. Canon I outright reject? if higuchi tachibana doubting that "natsume won" is canon, then i reject it. mikan MADE A CHOICE. in your manga, higuchi!!!! she even says, "these feelings i have only for you", which means the only person she loves romantically is natsume. higuchi YOU WROTE THIS.

2. A canon or headcanon hill I will die on? ^^^ that one. also she's not a masochist.

3. Obscure headcanon? even though natsume can have a potentially atrocious taste in fashion, i think mikan would find his fits cute nonetheless, maybe just bc it's him!

4. Favorite line? I love when she tells natsume to join her team before the sports fest. she NEVER asks for anything from natsume or tells him how she feels but she takes a risk this once and it's wonderful until he rejects her and she takes a long while to recover from that moment where she finally put herself out there only to get turned down.

5. Best personality trait? perseverance, in regards to difficult times and difficult people.

6. Worst personality trait? toxic positivity

7. Age/height/weight headcanon? we have canon!! she is (unbeknownst to her) eleven years old when she first comes to the academy and is turning seventeen when we see her again in the last chapters. she's 138 cm/4'6 and 33 kg/73 lbs at her debut and 158 cm/5'2 and 47 kg/104 lbs at the last chapters.

8. Unpopular opinion about them? it's okay that she's stupid! i dislike when mikan is made so much smarter, or when they significantly alter her personality, in fics. i think she's pretty great the way she is!

9. Scene that first made me love (or hate) the character? HARD TO SAY. regrettably i wasn't always a huge fan of mikan, especially in the anime, bc i thought she was annoying. but i think when i matured just a little, it was hard to keep it up. i think i fully loved her on the second rewatch/reread. i couldnt tell u the specific scene bc it was too long ago.

10. Best moment on screen (or in the book)? i reread just this little moment so often. i'm not saying it's a healthy moment, hiding her feelings until she's alone, but it's so her and it's so heart-crushing and tragic. i love it.

13. Dumbest thing they’ve ever done? she's frequently stupid, but i really enjoy this moment, just bc of how naive she is, both to natsume's situation and to her own feelings. (mikan, girl, you're in love with him.)

14. Most heroic moment? is there anything more heroic than this?

15. Worst thing they’ve ever done? mikan rarely does things out of ill-will. i could say one of her well-intentioned blunders, but that feels cheap. i'll say this, then, when mikan tells natsume that him worrying about her is a bother. i'll talk about it during my essay, but mikan says that, against her urges to keep him with her, because she remembers the pain of him choosing luna over her and she, in that moment, reacts in a kneejerk way to make him hurt a little too. it's the only moment i can think of where she hurts somebody without at least meaning well. (and YES i know that this is right after luna told her to keep their encounter a secret, but mikan chooses to be cold to natsume in a way that she isnt towards hotaru or her other friends for asking similar questions.)

16. Deepest darkest secret they won’t even admit to themselves? mikan never admits anything to herself! that she loves natsume sticks out the most though.

17. Quotes, songs, poems, etc. that I associate with them? AGAIN, zoe and i made playlists for the main 4 but they're unsuitable for consumption right now, so here are some mikan flavored tracks!

18. What they’d go to see a therapist about? her little useless complex as well as her toxic positivity and all the trauma she had to endure in a very short time frame.

19. Vices/bad habits? "keep smiling, mikan, no matter what!"

21. Drink of choice (not just alcoholic)? orange juice and orange soda

22. Best physical feature? her smile, allegedly! i love the way her eyes are drawn (my answer for everyone is eyes bc i LOVE the way higuchi draws eyes...). i, like natsume, also LOVE when her hair is down.

23. If they were a scented candle, what would they smell like? she'd be like her name, and have a fruity, floral scent! very sweet!

31. If they had a tumblr what would it look like? i think it would be super cute with lots of bright, fun colors, desserts, and positivity quotes.

32. Something guaranteed to make them smile/laugh? she smiles a lot. i like her genuine smiles, when she hears something she likes or spends quality time with people she loves.

33. Something guaranteed to make them cry? mikan is sensitive! thus she cries a lot! she cries when people around her are hurt, she cries when she doesn't get what she wants, or when things get hard. i think it's sweet.

35. Their idea of a perfect day? spending time with her class b pals with some light antics and shenanigans, or hanging out with her senpais in the special ability class would make her happy. later, going on dates with natsume, too. <3

36. Their favorite season? summer, but the lovely thing is how happy and awestruck mikan seems to be by every passing season. she loves them all! it's very sweet, how much love she has for life.

37. What they really think about themselves? despite her tendency to see the beauty or value in everything, she doesn't see much in herself. she thinks of herself as ordinary, boring, useless. she knows that people love her smile but she thinks that's all she has to offer so she hides her negative feelings away. ;-;

38. Favorite holiday? new year's!!!

39. Favorite game? she loves all games, but especially sports and high-activity games

40. Favorite book? she'd like high-spirited books with wacky characters, like pippi longstocking, anne of green gables, or matilda.

41. If they could have lunch with anyone in the world (living or dead, from any fictional universe or the real world), who would it be? her parents and jii-chan

43. 3 favorite foods and 3 they despise? obviously she loves oranges and she eats lots of oranges in the manga. i like to think she shares hotaru's love for seafood, bc seafood reminds her of hotaru, but hotaru is so insane abt it that mikan seems to have a tame love in comparison. and HOWALON, obviously. i dont think mikan would dislike much food or be a picky eater bc she loves to eat <3

44. Their happiest memory? i think her school memories with her friends, particularly lighthearted moments, would stick out as happiest. the culture fest or the dodgeball game or swimming class.

46. The person they most admire? hotaru, natsume, ruka, etc. she admires lots of people. she has a tendency to see the good parts of people and to focus on them until that's the main thing she sees.

47. Their dream job? i like to see mikan in people-oriented, caring-based roles, like as a nurse or a teacher, where there's emphasis on helping people. i think she'd really thrive in a career like that. i especially like imagining her as a teacher. (her husband can share some pretty decent benefits from such a career afaik)

48. Scariest moment of their life? probably the whole night of the escape arc. no part of that was easy. the entire night was stressful and scary

49. Favorite toy as a child? she makes her own mikan dolls! mikan is awful at homemade things, like cooking or sewing, but she loves it anyway! i think she liked making her own toys and seeing the beauty in her ugly little creations.

50. A memory they’ve blocked out? i think mikan would try and remember the hard moments so that she can get stronger, just based on the way she talks about such moments, like after pengy dies.

[mayhems-enstars-brainrot]

self introduction!!

what's good!! my name's mayhem, i use they/them pronouns and i'm an 18 year old college student majoring in japanese (playing ensemble stars actually does help me learn a little bit lol). i've been playing ensemble stars for a month or two so i'm only rank 43 right now :/ but holy hell i am obsessed with this game. i love rhythm games (even though i'm not very good at them) and the characters in this game are fantastic, i've been hyperfixated on it for like a month and my friends are sick of me lmao

as my bio says, i'm a shuP/valkyrieP; yes i love mika as well, but there's just something about shu that makes me adore him more than any other character in the game. maybe it's because he's weird and strange but also sweet at times? maybe it's the fact that he's a (technically successful) cringefail? i don't know. but ever since i saw ex-valkyrie's 2-episode arc in the anime he's had me in a chokehold!! his character development!!! the artistry!!!!! UNMATCHED!!!!!!!

anyway... other characters i love and why!!

-wataru: he's silly :3 and i love his voice. fills me with serotonin every time i hear him go SuBarAsHii~ in the middle of a live. he is... the only member of fine i don't hate. eichi is a complex character but i personally do NOT like him (also i'm a shuP of course i hate him). tori is a brat. and yuzuru is barely worth mentioning. but i love how chaotic and goofy wataru is. truly the only good member of fine

-mayoi: if you couldn't tell, i love men that are weird and strange!!! love them dearly. also i kind of relate to him, at least with him having intrusive thoughts (that shit fucked me over in middle school lol). i love his hair and i love his sharp teeth and i love how he actually cares so much that it's the only thing that can override his anxiety. lastly, if i had vents and could go from place to place without being noticed you bet your ass i would every time.

-rinne: now i haven't finished chapter 5 of part 1 so i'm not sure how his story ends. however, i can say i've thoroughly enjoyed seeing him cause problems on purpose. i love when i'm in a live and he goes KYAHAHA and i'm like oh right rinne is here. his character development in the first half of chapter 5 alone has been amazing so i'm excited to see where his story goes.

-rei: as someone who very much identifies with the whole goth/emo/alt aesthetic, you KNOW undead is among my favorite units. rei is an amazing character in the anime (i mean, he helps so much, trickstar literally wouldn't have been able to do any of the shit they did without him) AND he made eichi faint by whispering some hard truths in his ear. based.

-leo: sadly i haven't seen that much of him, both in-game and in-anime, but i adore his energy. i'm also a songwriter, so i get the artistic struggle and whatever bullshit. honestly i think he's really cute and i'm excited to keep watching the anime because i'm on episode 13 and they showed him in episode 12 so surely that means he'll be in the show soon right guys? right?

~

anyway!! now i'm gonna move on to my favorite songs (and you'll probably be able to tell what my favorite units are based on them lol)

2wink: play tag, welcome to 2wink acrobatics

AKATSUKI: akatsuki iroha song, festival night picture scroll, strike -blade of resolve-, wild blooming flowers, pale red promise, perfectly-imperfect

ALKALOID: believe 4 leaves, kiss of life, hysteric humanoid, living on the edge, artistic partisan

Crazy:B: ariadne at the fingertips, crazy roulette, honeycomb summer, risky venus, helter-spider (idc that it's for halloween it bangs)

Double Face: =EYE=, stippling (these are the only double face songs i know)

Eden: the genesis, dance in the apocalypse, majestic magic, sunlit smile (eve), the beast of the end (adam)

Fine: never-ending symphony, neo sanctuary, holy angel's carol, crossing heart, the tempest night (wataru ily. 「愛」!!)

Knights: grateful allegiance, little romance, mystic fragrance, voice of sword

Ra*bits: joyful box, fallin' love=it's wonderland (best ra*bits song by far), love ra*bits party, milky starry charm

Ryuseitai: comet halation, unrivaled meteor ranger, ryusei hanabi

Switch: majestic magic, fragments of imagination, emerald planet

Trickstar: only your stars, rebellion star, crossing heart

UNDEAD: gate of the abyss, immoral world, melody in the dark, nightless world, valentine's eve nightmare, destruction road

Valkyrie: acanthe, kohaku to ruri no rondo, gaisenka, cloth waltz (UNDERRATED ASF), memoire antique, raisanka, enthralling theatre, tonight on the moonlit castle, sei shounen yuugi, sajou no roukaku, eternal weaving

also. bukubu new stars. koga ball <3

~

i think that's pretty much it? i guess i could confirm i'd consider my "favorite" units to be valkyrie (duh), undead, crazy:b, akatsuki, and alkaloid. i'm also aware that valkyrie just released a new album like a couple weeks ago so i surely will be checking that out and giving it a good listen over the next few days. i'm excited to meet more ensemble stars fans :3 if you wanna be mutuals just lmk i'm starved for people to ramble autistically to!!!!!!

[grandhotelabyss]

I contemplated making a pitch for free access on the basis of my tweet being integrated into Pistelli lore, but realistically I could only do so much to extol you to my followers, and I intend to subscribe in any case. Anyway, what does interest me tremendously in this book is your treatment of the new reactionary Bohemia, a topic that I confess I’ve been unable to work up much excitement for. Call me jaded and bitter,  but I caught this stuff the first time it came around, being the correct race, gender and level of cruel aesthete between 2013 and 2015 to have found it (we didn’t have a name for it yet then) incredibly compelling, particularly the thuggish vitality of it all that simmered online, the notion that we could overthrow Neoliberal aesthetic mediocrity and restore a genuinely healthy western tradition. I don’t get to be the sour hipster scoffing at the dumb rich kids gentrifying the scene very often, but I’ll do it here- by comparison, the reactionary hipsters now seem a futile attempt to reconstitute something lost, rouged up clowns mocking the normies while they wait for the world to end ( have I mentioned that I myself am writing a novel about this?) in any case, I anxiously await the debut of Major Arcana. Cheers, GA

Drop me an email if you change your mind: I am willing to comp you for the lore. I feel sort of bad about pushing the subscriptions to everybody. I believe Substack is the most high-end of all the platforms: there are venture-capital-type people on there reading my stuff because they found me through Kat Dee or Tablet or just through the recommendation algorithm. I only need one or two of them, what the investors and the camgirls call "whales," to fund me for life! Until then, though, the free market.

I take the reactionary scene qua scene to be finished, so I won't be leaning on it too heavily in the book. I mean, once a mainstream novelist who appeared in McSweeney's is hailing the "Based It Girl" and solemnly contemplating, four years late at the very least, the subversive pleasures of saying "gay" and "retarded," I'd say it's over! As you once pointed out, I am 42 years old (not quite, but too close for comfort), which means my late high school and early college years coincided with the period when, as Tori Amos—yes, Tori Amos—sang in 2002, "It seems in vogue to be a closet misogynist homophobe," so it's not my first go-round either, none of which, on the other hand, diminishes my genuine ideological differences with the identitarian left.

All that said, I agree with the scene's genuine artist, Gasda, who implies in the footnote to his latest post that the 2010s were uniquely awful for art and culture, and that things appear to be coming back to life regardless of ideology.

[danascullly]

name meaning aesthetics

I recently reached 1.2k, and I’m on summer break so I thought I would reopen these to celebrate!!

rules:

mbf me

reblog this post

send me your name, your aesthetic (ex: flowers, books, classical architecture, painting) and if you want a quote, your favorite author/poet or even the specific quote you want, whatever floats your boat!

the most recent post here is an example of how I’m doing them this time!!

[dropsofletters]

cursed your name [lty]

—summary: lee taeyong has wanted one thing for the past two years: to be the worldwide light featherweight champion. his up-and-rising career is on its highest point to this day, one step away from being one of the youngest winners of the title, watched and studied by the world with intent. little does he know that success is a lonesome road, filled with envy and betrayal.

owning a casino is already difficult on its own. fights, bets, cards, money, the stench of alcohol following around every step…she knows this is not how her life should’ve turned out to be, but after being passed down her best friend’s casino, the jungle, she does everything in her power to keep the business alive. the dream, even.

the dream of a casino dies down when taeyong makes his way through those doors one night, but another dream starts…and she has to wake up.

—title: cursed your name —pairing: lee taeyong x reader —genre: boxer!au ; casino owner!au ; crime!au ; strangers to one-night stands to enemies to friends to lovers!au (yes, that’s a thing) —type: angst ; fluff ; suggestive ; drama ; humor ; slowburn —word count: 28,354 —warnings: mentions of death, guns and blood. acts of betrayal on page. none of these actions are morally correct and are only plastered on paper for the sake of storytelling. characters are fabricated in every way. there’s a mystery, kind of, so you can solve that as well.

Lighter off. Lighter on. It says enough about a person when the only source of light of their night comes from igniting a cigarette.

The long stick rests between her fingers, pushing one leg over the other when leaning back against the muddy backdoor of the casino. Her casino. It’s hard to believe that the twinkling lights, bustling people, workers dancing on tables all belong to her now. So, they say, people have to lose it all in order to have one glimpse of success.

Even themselves.

She pushes the black beanie on her head a little bit further down her forehead, puffing out the smoke from her lips before tapping the cigarette a few times. The ashes fall on the floor beside her, near her boots, but she can’t bring herself to care. For once, she wants peace. And maybe, silence comes with the faint background music behind her, and the cars passing by in an alleyway that could probably get her killed if she stood there for too long.

The fact that the casino is in a rich neighborhood doesn’t mean it’s a good one.

Her fingers almost become numb thanks to the coldness, but for once, she can breathe. Perched, tranquil, mixing the vapor of her mouth and the smoke of her cigarette in just one breath. Turns out that casinos are filled with cocky, overconfident people who lose it all and win it all over again. If people ask for the manager in normal establishments, they ask for her when they decide to bet everything and their wife in just one game.

People decide how to destroy their lives, and she’s just the one giving a ceiling to the conclusion of their proper economical lifestyle.

The backdoor swings open, hitting her directly on the back. She can’t even begin to form a sentence about privacy when she’s met by the sight of her right hand. The only man she has ever trusted, one of her closest friends, Tori. If there is loyalty in people, it’s shown in him. Mussy brown hair parted in the middle, a set of somewhat interesting features welcoming her. Wide forehead, somewhat downturned and bored eyes, paired up with his slim, rouge lips and his short, straight nose.

For being in his thirties, he looks good.

“What do you think you’re doing out here?” Tori is always behind her. Checking. Nosing around where he shouldn’t be. Sure, he does it out of worry, can’t let his fingers slip around her hold to keep her in place and make sure that everything runs smoothly. After all, he’s an investor in this place, but a breather wouldn’t go wrong.

She takes a puff from her cigarette, hiding her hands in the pockets of her black, elongated coat. Mixing in the shadows is for the better when running a business like this one. “Running away for a bit. What else would I be doing?”

Tori opens the door wider, his gray suit perfectly fitted around his buff body. The lights of the casino swirl behind him, a worried look on his features. “I don’t know. One of these days, I fear you may actually run away.”

Scoffing, she rolls her eyes. “As if I could.”

“She wouldn’t have wanted you to.”

At the mention of the ghost between them, she presses her lips together, unhooking the rounded sunglasses that rest on the collar of her shirt. “I know.” The memory of her still bleeds deep within her. The woman who took her in. The one that did everything for her, even lure her into a world of betting and losing. She never lost after having her in her life, and that’s as much as she could have ever hoped for. “Need me for anything important, Tori?”

She’s already halfway through the door, her baggy dress pants rubbing against each other as she moves away from the bar at the corner, followed by Tori right behind her. “A—Actually,” He catches up with her, a little bit breathless when he takes the cigarette from between her fingers. “I wanted to have a talk with you.”

Before he could take a drag of her cigarette, she snatches it away from his fingers, stopping on her tracks. “One would think that if you’re driving a Lambo around town, you wouldn’t have to steal my cigs.”

Tori smiles, all crooked teeth and faux innocent ways, looking down at her from his tall, almost enormous height. “Yours are a better brand.”

Truth be told, she has tried the cheapest of brands. Had to at the beginning of her career. Right now, she feels powerful enough to have the thing that will kill her on the long run be, at least, exquisite in shape and style. “And they are mine for a reason.” She tilts her head to the side, pointing at the other end of the casino. “Let’s meet at at my office to see what’s that important thing you need to talk to me about.”

“You’ve got it, boss.”

She will never get used to the title, because one year ago, she wasn’t the boss at all. She was just another worker at The Jungle, perhaps a very conceited one, hanging around the boss a little too often—her truest friend, if she’s honest. Serving drinks, drifting her eyes away from the people she knew were too important to be seen there. Those were the fun times, but then, the owner was gone. Disappeared. Leaving the casino under her watch on a last breath.

Allegra was not meant to be gone this early in her life. In her forties, she was aiming to be the biggest, most well-known casino, and she was on the way there. She took people in, from the streets and from raunchy places, turned them into polished versions of themselves and basked on their loyalty. She was one of them, and some of the other workers were, too. Though, a robbery in her office later and a few stabs to the chest, Allegra was gone.

Left like a kiss on the wind.

Though, the casino was just as outstanding. Conceptualized to be capturing, both in aesthetics and in entertainment. Compared to other casinos, bathed in the typical golden and red, The Jungle was specialized in darker colors and better security. Instead of having women in poles, they danced from cloths on the ceiling, as if they were branches, surrounded by green and brown walls, woodened tables and ignited lights putting in the typicality of a casino. It was a well-thought-out concept, that’s for sure.

The heavy woodened doors of her office are opened once her fingers push down the code to enter. Her office, once Allegra’s, glimmers for its intensity. Dulled forest green walls, glimpses of white, and the most carefully thought-out hiding spots.

It’s a nice business. It doesn’t mean it’s a safe one.

“So, Tori—” Though, she hears someone else waltzing inside, saying their hushed greetings to Tori just as she turns off her cigarette, hitting it against the wood of her desk. “Anything important I should know about?”

Giving someone your back means that they’re one second away from killing you. Out of everyone in The Jungle, Tori is the only one who was rich from the crib. An investor for a reason, and Allegra’s lover for some years before they decided they were better off as business partners. She trusts him, but maybe, it’s second-nature to be wary.

The singer of the casino, Junghoon, stands by his side, a hat over his long, straight black hair, sharp features and bone-structure almost hidden. He’s way smaller than Tori, with an air of arrogance that falls on borderline silly.

“We’ve found him.” Tori whispers, his smile dissipating when he takes a seat in front of her, extending his long legs forward.

“Who’s him?” She asks.

“The man who killed Allegra. We found him.”

One thing she couldn’t defend about Allegra is that she was a little bit too trusty. She could see a man that she was interested in, and it was as though all judgement left her brain. A night on someone’s sheets and with a man between her thighs and she was done for. Intelligence nowhere to be found.

It was clear it would be the cause of her death, but she has to expand her hands on the armrests of her office seat to be able to stand her weight, sitting down as the memories come flashing down. The blood on her hands. The ache of her chest. She lost her sister, though not blood-related, to whatever this man did.

A sharp breath leaves her lips, memories flooding back when she closes her eyes tightly. “H—How do you know?”

Tori is pensive for a few seconds, fixing the black tie around his neck before sighing. “I’ve been looking for a year, boss. You know how close I was to her. How much I loved her…” Tori may have never gotten over Allegra, but it’s very rare to see glimpses of him that aren’t bathed in his business-like judgement. “I talked and talked around until I found him. Well, a group. Of course, the crime couldn’t have been committed by just one person.”

The police had turned their backs on this. Unaware not, but not caring enough about raunchy people of society to be able to help them. Some of their team were good, others not so much, but justice needed to be made regardless.

“A group?”

“They’re well-known. Not for killers, but they are wealthy enough to frequent The Jungle.” Tori spits out, swirling his hand around the air as he explains. “A boxer slept with Allegra the night before her death. Lee Taeyong, I’m sure that’s his name. He’s a newbie with a small group of trainers, publicists, all of the life on his team. Around eight men.”

People of all categories frequent The Jungle, and boxers aren’t the exception, but she’s certain she has heard this name before. Though, she can’t quite put a face on it. “Tori, you can’t be making assumptions out of what people tell you. It could be someone trying to get to him, for all you know—”

He breathes out her name, different from his usual connotations of ‘boss’, and she knows he’s serious when he does so. “…I have a backbone for this. You just have to trust me.”

Silence engulfs them, sparing one glance towards Junghoon, patiently waiting by the door, just as she lets her fingers roam over the stacks of papers over her desk. “And what do you intend to do, Tori?”

This time, he seems to be happy about her choice of words. His face contorts in the sweetest of smiles, but she knows he’s anything but. “…I’m glad you asked, boss. I have it all planned.” The man interlocks his hands together, leaning his weight forward the slightest. “Taeyong will come to The Jungle tomorrow. You know the killer stole money from Allegra, lots of it, and that he stabbed her to death. So, I decided to give him some taste of his medicine.”

Allegra may have been like a sister to her, but there are a hundred steps from that to murder. “Tori, I won’t kill a man. Jesus, what kind of person do you take me for?”

“I know you’re not that kind of person…” He trails, voice deep when he looks down at his hands before his brown eyes connect with hers. “But I am. I’m just asking you to take the money away from him. All his cards. Leave him spotless, and then, I’ll take care of him.”

Gruesome images appear right behind her eyelids. Blood is definitely something she can’t stand, much more knowing she is one of the causes behind it. “I don’t want to.” She stands her ground, crossing one leg over the other and pushing her sunglasses away from her face. “Shit, Tori. This is hard stuff. I don’t want to have someone’s body on me, much more if they’re important.”

Tori scoffs. “He has enough enemies; they’re not going to know it was us.”

“I don’t want to, I said.”

“Listen, I don’t know if we’re on the same page here, but Allegra was practically sliced in half by her killer. She couldn’t even utter words properly when she died, innocently, just because she slept with someone and you decide not to take revenge?” Those words reverberate around her ears, resonating in awful ways, reminding her of that one night where they both found Allegra dead—

God, could it really have been a boxer?

“You have no idea if it’s him—” She argues, the voice of reason in this case.

“Explain the punches. Explain the hook-up. Explain the timing. If I’m not right, then why does everything fit?”

Her lips fall shut, rubbing her face with her palms, burning with the coldness of her fingertips when her index and middle fingertips press to her eyelids. Tori is not half-wrong. Allegra suffered, unattended by the hospital, given no sense of justice…but if this person is a boxer, they must be well-known.

“What do you have in mind?” She questions, but just as Tori smirks, she shakes her head. “Don’t think I’m supporting you, Tori. I just want to know.”

“I’ll be the one killing him. I need to do it. For me. For her.” His words are filled with purpose, eyes darkening. “But I need someone to keep him in a room. I will book a room in a hotel, and you’ll seduce him. I’m not saying that you’ll sleep with him, but it’s even better. I just need you to take his money and leave the room. I’ll enter them.”

“Holy fucking shit.” She whispers to herself, giving a glance towards Junghoon, much too quiet in his position. “I—I don’t think I can be part of it. I can’t stop you, but I’m not a seducer. Why me when there are a handful of great-looking, powerful strippers that could do the trick even better than I do?”

“He’s very collected and controlled by his team. After all, sleeping with strippers and prostitutes would not be nicely seen for an athlete.”

She chuckles at that, standing up from her position to move over to the door. “Okay. Out of my office. I won’t do it—”

“Come on, boss.” This time around, Junghoon’s lightweight voice takes place around the office. “Tori wanted me to help you out. I have some knowledge about the ladies and a pretty little dress may finally get your panties out of its twist and make you loosen up.”

Those words make her raise her eyes. Junghoon is a complete asshole, but she’ll give him and his baritone ways some slack because the people frequenting the casino love him to bits. “And a pretty little turn of your legs out of my office may help you keep your job, asshole.”

Tori’s pristine shoes tap against the tiles as he moves over to her. “It’s them or us.” He says, pointing towards the door. “You don’t know when he will do it again. Women are always killed for the most horrendous of reasons, just for being free. It’s not a sin if you take a sinner away.”

She sighs. “I don’t care if it’s a sin. I’ll go to hell either way. I care that it’s a crime, Tori, and I won’t go to prison.”

“That won’t happen.” He promises, grasping both hands in between his. “I just need your help, that’s all. If anyone will go to prison, which won’t happen, it will be me.” His eyes connect with hers, filled with certainty and honesty. “Please—”

Allegra’s face pops back behind her eyelids. Despair. Loss. Pain. All her life taken away because of what one man decided to do. She opens her eyes then, humming in return.

“I’ll help you.”

###

“Come on, another jab. To the jaw, Taeyong, go higher—”

The plan never was to be a boxer. The plan, indeed, would have been to take over his grandmother’s bakery, stuff his face with chocolate at least once a week, and let time pass with professionalism. Destiny would come to him one day, with some money in his pocket, bring the love of his life over, have a family, own a dog, then have a child and it would continue on until the day of his death. He’d bake for his family, for the neighborhood, too, and never lay a hand on anyone.

His arm extends, boxing gloves rubbing against his bony hands as his eyes concentrate on the target. Sweat accumulates on his hairline, his bleached blonde hair tied on a ponytail behind his back, toned stomach uncovered, loose shorts wrapped around his slim hips as he moves his legs back and forth, keeping some distance before coming for the hit.

Now, he can say he’s skilled, but when he was discovered, it was such chance as luck. Grandma liked for him to take a casket of buns and pastries each afternoon after school to sell them. It helped the business, and he could give out some business cards in the process to help expand. It was the easiest task a fourteen-year-old boy could have. Get on a bus, sell some pastries, go around the neighborhood and come around with clients, orders and money.

It was when someone older, a young man around eighteen or nineteen years old, had tried to steal from him that his eyes had flared with anger. One of the most fulfilling afternoons monetarily almost slipped away from his grasp, had it not been for the piling rage that left him two options. Lose the money that his grandmother desperately needed or man up and fight for it. His fists were uncontrollable, such force coming from self-defense, with a few people having to pull them away in the streets. His eyes blurred with tears at the time, knuckles bathed in blood—from his own body, actually, all he did was break the man’s nose and those who tended his wounds are now part of his team.

Thirty-two wins. Zero loses. Zero ties. Ten knock-outs. Knock-outs are the worse; there is something inherently fearful about having someone drop to the ground thanks to his punches that he lands. It gives more money than the bakery ever would, and his family doesn’t have to work half as harshly as they used to thanks to his success. Well-earned, but not easy at all.

He spent years practicing. Only two years ago did he actually get to debut in the big leagues. With cameras around him, interviews, surprised by how this underground boxer in his teens suddenly became someone of importance. Travelling around the world in order to earn his name.

And now is the time to become light featherweight champion.

Another punch has one of his staff stumbling back, just at the same time that the bell rings. It’s then that he moves to the corner of the gym, inspecting the walls covered in posters of the biggest boxing champions, gulping on water to be able to wash down his tiredness.

From behind him, two people emerge. One shorter, buffer, face filled with wrinkles as he speaks to Taeyong. His trainer, to be exact. The other, much younger, parts his black hair in the middle, always wearing dark clothes and holding an agenda up to his chest. His publicist, if anything.

Soonhwan, his trainer, fixes the ponytail behind his head as he speaks. “Listen, Bruce Lee, start getting confident in your punches or Eiji will knock you on your ass on the first round.” Eiji is the current champion, prepared for eight years, quickened in his movements and filled with endless cockiness. “He’s been talking real talk to the media and we need to shut him up, Taeyong.”

Dongyoung is the one in charge with the media, completely stressed out as he puts his agenda to the side and looks down at his tablet. “He’s spoken?” Taeyong asks, licking his lips after finishing off half of the bottle. Finally, Dongyoung looks up, pushing his bangs away from his forehead.

“Too much, I’d say. I’d put a fist in his mouth if I didn’t know he could break me in half if he wanted to.” Dongyoung speaks out, pointing the tablet towards Taeyong’s face. The article is too long for him to read all at once, but Dongyoung simplifies it for him. “He’s said you opened your butterfly wings and he’s ready to take you down. Something about you just being a lucky guy in the right place at the right time, but no substantial talent behind you and just bullshit over bullshit.” Dongyoung pulls the tablet away before scoffing. “We’ll keep quiet, but the guy is testing me…”

His eyes soften, pushing his lips together when he looks at Dongyoung. “He really said all that?”

Soonhwan lays his hands on his shoulders, moving him from side to side. “You need to toughen up, boy. Eiji is made of steel, both physically and mentally, and I don’t want his words to get to you.”

No matter how many times he physically fights, Taeyong will never get used to it. Call it presumption or something of the like of guilt, but landing punches and raising his fists after doesn’t bring him utmost happiness. Stability? Of course. It pays the bills. Does the trick. It’s what he has prepared for the past handful of years.

“I’ll be fine.” Taeyong leans his head back, bones cracking in the process, staring up at the ceiling. “Just need a breather. And a meal. Haven’t eaten since the morning.”

Dongyoung doesn’t know how to express his concern at most times, writing something down on his agenda as he speaks. “You haven’t been eating your proteins, Taeyong.”

“I’ll have all the steak you give me right about now.”

“How about this, my boys?” Soonhwan doesn’t have children of his own, and by being the oldest of the staff, with a boxing career that has lived to be legendary but not ever-lasting, he has found the two youngest to be like his children. One of his arms ends up around Taeyong’s shoulders, the other engulfing Dongyoung closer to him as he speaks. “I know a pretty good casino at the center of the city. The Jungle. It has pretty women, nice tables, excellent drinks and food. They serve the best sauces I’ve ever tasted in my whole entire life.”

Truth be told, it’s been a while since he has found himself relaxed. Taeyong is about to shake his head when Dongyoung nods from his spot. “I could have a few drinks.”

“But I can’t.” Taeyong conquers. “The fight is in a month.”

Dongyoung shrugs then, a smirk taking over his features. “I’ll drink for you, then.”

“Asshole.”

“Hey, you were the one that became a boxer. Not me.”

“Boys, boys, boys, calm down.” Soonhwan interrupts between the two. “We’ll just have fun. Play some poker. Call it a night early. It’s needed. We’ve been preparing for this fight for months.”

Truth be told, it doesn’t sound so bad. His staff, himself, and a nice bowl of whatever meat he could find, dipped in sauce, up to his lips, as he splays whatever cards are in poker on a table. Perhaps, if he’s lucky, he’ll get some money. If he’s not, he’ll lose some. Not too much, but enough.

A smile pushes itself to his face, pulling away from Soonhwan as he nods. “Okay, okay, we’ll go out.”

“That’s my boy!” He exclaims, patting his hand across his back. “Now finish him. We’re going out tonight.”

###

Drops of sunshine fall on her dress. If this can be considered a dress on her, really. Definitely not her style, the lace on the high collar makes her look polished, molding into her body like a golden second skin. This definitely comes from the closet of someone much more open to being, well, open. One turn to the side on her dancers’ mirror lets her see a glimpse of her ribcage and the side of her chest thanks the opened back and if she doesn’t walk short steps, her dress would definitely ride up her thighs.

Junghoon wasn’t the one to dress her up, and if she doesn’t know if she’s thankful for that. Jinhee, however, had taken it upon herself t turn her otherwise mysterious boss into one of the bombshells seen around The Jungle. Wig put in place, heels making her wobble in place, and the tint of her lips shining brightly under the harsh lights.

Jinhee spots a red wig of her own, her robe falling open when she crosses one leg over the other, half-dressed and ready for her show. “Atta boss. You look sexy.” The word makes her cringe, turning around to see Jinhee’s rounded eyes settled on her.

“Don’t say that word.” She punctuates, shaking her head in the process. “I feel like a clown.”

“Because you’re not used to it. Think we don’t feel like that from time to time? It’s the empowerment from your head that will make you feel like a badass.” Jinhee stands in front of her, straightening her back. “Now, boss, shoulders back, chest up, ass moving, that’s the first set of things to care about when getting someone’s attention,” Tori could have easily picked Jinhee for the work, but no, it had to be her. “But the eyes are the ones that are going to get you out of trouble. Most men don’t think when they see a gorgeous woman with an innocent gaze. They don’t know the difference between heaven and hell, and you’re about to show it to them. Use that to your advantage.”

“Jinhee, this is pointless.” Smacking her hands on each side of her thighs, she rolls her eyes. “I haven’t seduced a man in years.”

“It’s never too late to start.”

“He’s a boxer. Men like him get everyone they want.”

“So?” Jinhee asks, crossing her arms across her chest. “Make sure that who he wants is you. Prettiness is all over the world, but it’s the core of a person that make them stand out.”

She turns around, hands splaying on the vanity as she sees the informative picture Tori had given her. Taeyong has his gloved hands lifted in the air, curling his slim yet toned arms after a victory. His hair was red at the time, but she was informed he had dyed it to blonde, tied behind his head as a smile spreads across his handsome features. His eyes don’t have the look most people in his world have, filled with anger and pride. Somehow, he seems awestruck, like he can’t quite believe he is there.

The past few hours, she has been killing her mind with thoughts. All that can run through her head is the happiness of his smile, the people cheering for him in that picture, and the revenge that has overcome Tori’s senses. It doesn’t feel right. Seducing him isn’t what she would have imagined for the night, but it’s what Tori wants…

It’s what Allegra deserves for what he, supposedly, did to her.

“Jinhee, give me a minute.” She takes the photo in between her hands, folding it in place before sighing. “I have to get something in my office.”

“Okay, but be careful with those heels. The dress is Versace, the shoes are Valentino’s—”

“Nothing will happen to the heels. Don’t worry.”

Her steps are steady when getting out into The Jungle. As far as she knows, Taeyong is nowhere in sight as she moves towards her office, pushing down the code to have the doors opening.

The problem is…she can’t kill him. Steal what he had stolen from Allegra? Maybe, but she can’t help Tori kill the man when she is not certain if his sources are correct. Tori hangs around some people that she doesn’t entirely trust. Bad to the core. They could be lying because of any hatred they could hold against Taeyong.

And sure, she could be wrong. Taeyong may have been the culprit of Allegra’s death, but she’d rather die knowing that she saved a life than live with the thought of murdering someone innocent.

Opening the drawers, she sees the pistol Tori keeps there. It’s for safety measures, he says, but she never touches it. It belongs to him, used for his own protection, but she’d rather not have her fingerprints all over it. Taking it in between her hands and with some isopropyl alcohol by her side, she unloads it, making sure to take all the bullets there and place them inside her strongbox.

When she cleans the gun and puts it back in place, she sighs. He better not notice it.

With that, she scavenges into the casino once again, careful steps trying to look a little bit too confident. Not failing in the process, luckily.

### 

“Shit.”

Through his yellow sunglasses, Taeyong manages to cover the glimpse of comedy that begs to seep through his voice. Dongyoung splays his money on the poker table as if it was his flag, crossing his arms over his chest like a kid without his toy. Truth be told, Taeyong is, also, awful at this game, but he doesn’t get petty when he has to give his money to the winner of the game.

The Jungle is somewhere new for him, but Dongyoung has been here before. An outcast, through and through, with the way he dressed himself in a silk beige suit from head to toe, bringing a smile up to his face.

“Dressed like a winner, living like a loser?”

The man in question digs his elbow on Taeyong’s ribcage, stealing a gasp away from him, combined with laughter. “Shut the fuck up. You’re not that good either.”

“I know.” Taeyong says, lifting his bottle of water up to his lips, maintaining his health even through a night with his team. His trainer is somewhere on another table, but he can’t bring himself to keep his gaze away from the game as they divide the cards in between the players. “But I accept it, Dongyoung. I suck at this game. You should, too—”

“I don’t suck at this game.” Dongyoung, always trying to the highest reach, lets the words cling between his teeth as he speaks. “I’m just out of practice.”

Shrugging, Taeyong lets him live his dream. “Whatever you say. Whatever you say…”

For one moment, he lets himself get involved in the movement of the cards, but instead, the clicking of heels captures his attention. It’s the consuming curiousness that overtakes him that makes his attention flee away. If anything, he should be used to it. There are strippers at The Jungle, and of course, they’re going to be using heels in the process, but once he leans back on his chair, his leather jacket rubbing against the fabric, he sees a pair of swinging hips he can’t take his eyes away from.

He has a thing for untainted presences, like an angel in between a sea of sinners. It’s better, after all, when having someone who knows their strength but doesn’t quite show it, to correlate with them, as well. Surprising, it is, and he knows it’s the case with her. Eyes gleaming in seriousness as she moves through the seas of people and though she’s a bit awkward with her heels and she doesn’t walk with as much confidence as she should when sporting a body like that, he’s staring.

He bites down on his lip, raising his eyebrow when he sees her move directly towards him. Dongyoung chuckles by his side, low and breathy, when he nudges his side. “You always get the good ones.”

Though, Taeyong breaks his gaze away from hers once she gives him a smile. In reality, his ears burn in bright red shades, concealed in the darkened stance of The Jungle. “What are you talking about?”

“She’s practically eating you with her eyes.” Dongyoung finalizes.

“Yeah, so?” Taeyong continues, conversation not over, even when he hears her move closer. That ‘tip-tap’ of her heels may become his newest favorite tempo. “I’m not looking for anything.”

“Well, she’s looking at you. Do with that what you will.” Taeyong knows the difference between wrong and right, but he can’t tell why his body practically paralyzes at the alluring scent by his side. When his face turns around, his cards underneath his fingers, now divided between the group, he sees her from up-close. Delicious lips, mascara-coated eyelashes framing her eyes perfectly, windows to a soul short from enigmatic. It’s fucking hypnotizing.

“Saw you lose from over there.” Her fingers point towards one of the tables, not too far away. Soonhwan was there, that’s all he knows. “You’re not too good at poker, aren’t you?”

“Not good with cards at all.” Taeyong confesses, licking his lips when he lifts up his cards and inspects them with a frown on his features. He wants to look prepared, but he has no idea what they mean. “I don’t know what they mean.”

“Oh,” She breathes out, leaning over his shoulder to look at the cards. “You’re fucked.”

The way she says those words has Taeyong leaning back against her touch. He has an idea what that could mean for him, and God, if he has to be fucked— “What? Why?”

Their voices are low, and her breath fans on his earlobe, lighting the little hairs on his nape on fire when she fiddles with the edge of the card. “A 2-7 offsuit. Worst hand at poker. Don’t go too high on your bets.” Her chin juts towards one of the men in front of him. “He’s as bad as you are, so don’t you worry.”

“Boss!” One of the men by the table speaks, tapping his cigarette-holder against his finger to let the ashes fall on his dark suit. The man is over his forties, and the whine on his tone is somewhat annoying. “What are you doing helping that little boy out?”

“I’m teaching him, Hino. He doesn’t know a thing.”

The man speaks through his crooked teeth. Better quit smoking now. “Then, he should’ve thought about that before ruining my game of poker.” His voice slurs, raided by nicotine, husky and raspy to the point he finds himself lost in some of the syllables he says.

Instead, she rests her arm on the backseat of his chair. “My place, my rules, my game. Sorry, Hino.”

He calls out what seems to be her name, and Taeyong turns his head around to look at her before this could escalate any further. “Don’t worry,” He replies, brown eyes inspecting her features. “I’ll get out of the game, if that is the case. I don’t want to bother anyone.”

Just as he stands up, splaying his already terrible hand at poker on the table, Hino wants to say something else. “He just ruined the game—”

“Calm down, Hino. He’s new to this.” Though, she follows after his steps, getting away from the seat and standing by his side. “Take a breather. I’ll pay whatever he owed in this game, and that’s it. Just…relax.”

What is it with this woman?

There is something so inherently seductive and attractive about her. Boss, that means that she has a position here…maybe, she owns the whole place.

Hino shuts his mouth, enough to have the woman smiling, but that sets him off. “You put on a dress and you change entirely.”

Taeyong can’t imagine her without a dress. Or, yeah, he can—but those legs are exquisite enough to worship for the rest of his life. “Happens.” Is the entire excuse she has, softly wrapping her arm around Taeyong’s arm when she says: “Want me to invite you a drink, player?”

For some reason, Taeyong is starting to believe she is the player here. Still, he loves it. “Sure, let’s go.”

###

“So, you own this place?”

Call it curiousness or his fidgety persona, but Taeyong’s fingertips trace the outline of his drink as he asks the big questions about her. One of her legs is crossed over the other, seated by his side on the bar counter, with sprinkles of the sugar in her drink scattered across her lip-gloss.

Now, Taeyong knows a lot about pretty women. They are everywhere, around him, talking to him, falling for the boxer he is. They never once stop and think that he is more than a few good punches. So far, she hasn’t spoken about that—about him. She asked questions, taught him the basics of poker, answered to his every word until silence overcame them.

She chuckles, nodding to his words. “I do.” Leaning on the backrest of the stool, she rolls her eyes slightly. “I run this place to the best of my abilities.”

Taeyong sips on his drink, unaware as to why he had never come here before. Soonhwan better wrap him up some more nights for going out. “I imagine you’re really good.”

“I manage.” She shrugs, turning to look at him with her chin resting on her palm. “It’s not that I’m particularly good at it, but hey…I make everyone believe I have everything together.” Her words are coated in the sincerest of manners, sighing deeply when she plops her hand on her drink, asking another one from the bartender who already knows what she wants. “…That’s what you want to do when you’re playing poker, Taeyong. Make everyone believe you have it together, even if you don’t.”

Just what the fuck is going on with him? He questions himself. One of the strippers dangles from the sky, dancing to her heart’s content, earning howls and whistles from men that definitely include people from his staff. Money rains from the sky and falls pathetically on the flooring, but his eyes are trained on hers, laughing along to her words.

Truth is—Taeyong sees beauty, but he never sees the beauty that urges him to get to know more about someone. If he is lucky, he gets a pretty model by his side, a singer that he dates for two months and then, the distance becomes unbearable. In most occasions, he is too busy to date. A kiss to a not-so-close friend to pass time. A smile at a socialite to spend the night. It has come down to this…to watching faces blend and personalities dissipate into nothing. They fade to black, irrelevant inside his brain.

“And how exactly do I do that?” Taeyong questions, turning around on the stool until his legs are prodding against the side of her thighs. She repeats his actions, slightly parting her legs to interlock it with his, and it takes all the will inside of him not to have his eyes linger on the uncovered skin.

Her finger touches his chin, softly, delicately—for someone who rules this place, she is as tranquil as it can get. Mysterious and mellow, Taeyong can’t quite put his finger around the paradigm of her. “It’s in the eyes, Yong.” The nickname has him raising his eyebrows, a smile splaying over his features. “You have pretty eyes. Use them to your favor.”

He leans forward then, licking his lips to bite down on his bottom one. “And how exactly do I do that?” Breaths mingle when he speaks, stench bathed in alcohol, and though he’s nowhere near tipsy, he’s hypnotized by her beauty. So unlike whatever he has seen in this world of money and fame.

“Look in my eyes.” Her fingers point at her own, and Taeyong nods. He doesn’t have to be asked twice. “What do you see?”

His eyes rake down her features after capturing her gaze for a few seconds. “That you’re gorgeous.”

Laughter bubbles from her at that moment, the changing lights of the casino casting over her face. The music has gotten louder, bass boosted, but even if his biggest celebrity crush had taken her clothes off right there and then, in The Jungle, he wouldn’t have looked away from her. “No, you have to think that you see yourself. Eyes are not windows to the soul. They are mirrors, Taeyong.” She explains, one hand splaying on top of his, rested on his thigh, when she leans forward to keep their eyes connected. One single movement and their lips would touch. “When you’re playing poker, or when you want to lie to someone, you only have to think that you’re looking at yourself. Like, when you’re practicing for a big speech and you practice in front of the mirror to see the motions and get a grasp of what you want to say.”

Taeyong hums, concentrating on his reflection in her pupils. Dilated. God, she’ll be the death of him. “And then?”

“Don’t smile.” Her hand reaches for his cheeks, pulling down the smile before sighing. “Twinkling eyes are okay; your eyes are just like that…but you have to be serious and conniving. Scheme, Taeyong. The body follows what your mind says.”

“Okay.” He pulls his lips down, earning laughter from her.

“You look like you’re sad.”

“I’m just trying not to laugh.”

Swatting her hand against his shoulder, softly, she speaks up: “I’ll take it.” Soon, she continues explaining. “After you are serious, with all your scheming ways going on, you look at the people around the table. Look for giveaways of what they are feeling.”

Taeyong shudders when her breath ghosts against his lips. Never has he wanted to kiss anyone with this fervor, as if running a fever just by her mere lack of touch. “I can tell something.”

“What do you mean?” His eyes trail down to her lips, desiring to lick the sugar off the skin.

“Your pupils got big.” He feels dumb saying it out loud, but he reconnects his gaze with hers. “Doesn’t that mean that you’re into me?”

Tilting her head to the side, the diamonds around her neck glisten. Money, that seems to match her smile. “I have eyes, Yong.” She answers. “…But you’re not too far behind, you know?”

A smile takes over his features once again. “Oh, I know what I want. You don’t have to worry about that.”

Rolling her tongue with each word, she spits out: “What or who?”

If he had to plead, he would. Never had he felt this immense connection with somebody—it has been a while, that’s for sure. It’s not complicated; a night with her and he’ll be off the hook, sedating his thirst for curiousness. His trainer once told him his ambition will be the death of him, but why not reach for the stars when he’s already in a plane? “You. Goddamn it, it’s you.”

“You want me?” She questions, resting her hands on his waist, only to have Taeyong wrapping his digits around her nape.

“Thought I made it clear.”

“I’m good at reading signs…” She trails. “But there’s nothing as good as speech, Yong.”

His mind is clouded and if she asked him to, right at that moment, he would give her everything he has ever gotten. “I want to kiss you.”

“And then?”

“Wherever you want to take it.” Taeyong instructs, playing with the small hairs on the back of her neck.

“I know a hotel we can go to, if that is what you’re implying.”

The forest walls engulf all rational thoughts away from him, as if his soul was sucked out of his body and exchanged for a man starved. Taeyong leans forward, capturing her lips in a passionate kiss, though slow, meticulous, wanting to taste every portion of her soul. She parts her lips soon enough, a small groan captured in the back of her throat when she trails to the edge of her seat and curves her back to mold into him.

No one has ever fit him better.

Maybe, Taeyong should have thought with a clearer head, should have not told Dongyoung he’d be going to a hotel with someone on the way out of the casino, should have not gotten in a that damned SUV Soonhwan insisted on having a chauffeur using to drive him around, as he scattered kisses down her neck, learning to trail after her sighs and noises. But he did, and he did it with glee, needing a fucking second of relaxation and away from the boxing world.

And when he looks into her eyes, he doesn’t see himself, but he sees a reflection…

Desire.

###

Somehow, it feels as though Taeyong adores everything around his world. He thanks the sun for coming up in the morning, loves the stars that scatter across the sky when the night falls down, and of course, the way he looks at her, as if she is a goddess taken straight out from his fantasies. And she isn’t.

God, she is not one bit of it.

Getting distracted by him is easy, legs splayed underneath her weight, with his jacket and shirt disregarded somewhere in the hotel room, warm skin melding against hers when she presses her lips to his. Sympathizing with him is easy, much more when his fingers seem to know exactly where to press and trail after. He may look innocent, but he’s not one bit of it.

She gets lost in it, loves the way his eyes glimmer when she pulls away from him, playing with the straps of her dress and tugging them down the slightest, scattering kisses along her shoulders and the only thing she can hear is the voice inside her head. Sure, she has saved him—taken the bullets away from the gun that Tori was going to use against him, but there is always a possibility…

And shit, she has to steal from him.

She closes her eyes tightly, only opening them again when Taeyong softly searches for her lips, pecking them once before asking, in the softest of tones. “You don’t mind if I take off your dress, do you?”

Laughter comes naturally when around him, and though she is not herself in this dress, she can’t deny that Taeyong has won her interest over with just his speech. So polite, so tranquil, so interesting and caring in every way. She shrugs her shoulders then, spreading her fingers on his slim yet toned chest, before saying:

“I’m on your lap in some hotel, and I’m halfway through taking off your pants…isn’t that permission?”

“It’s not.” Taeyong says. “I will only do what you tell me to do, beautiful.”

She’s a piece of shit. She’ll go to hell for this, but she’ll have a good time before everything falls down.

Now she knows the exact reason why Allegra had spent the night with him before dying.

A whine lingers on the back of her throat, nodding. “Take it off, Yong.”

### 

For her, life was chaos. Clashing of memories that come down to conclusions she is never too happy with. It’s running and never reaching the end-line, or having someone stick a leg out just to see her falling on the way there. It’s definitely not peacefulness, and not spending the last two hours just enjoying Taeyong’s embrace around her, unable to fall asleep knowing what she has to do.

The first strike was when she looked past her reflection in his eyes, that is what brought the guilt down on her. Then, it was the way he treated her—not as if she was made of paper, but as if he wanted her to enjoy herself as much as she could. To make it unforgettable and loving, even if it didn’t mean much. No one had ever taken the time with her, not even the people she dated in the past, let alone her lack of lovers in the past few years.

One of his arms is over his abdomen, the other softly wrapped around her shoulders. His hair is done a mess, all thanks to her, the strands falling over his closed eyes, lips half parted, nose letting out the softest of snores, barely audible. She smells like the bath they had taken together, and she hates it. Despises the fact that she doesn’t want to pull away from him when she lifts her gaze to look at him.

Lips reddened, soul tainted, and on the verge of being robbed, Taeyong doesn’t look like the type of man that killed Allegra…but Tori is so certain. Tori was there throughout her years with Allegra, and he had always treated her like a little sister. He wouldn’t lie to her, no matter how dangerous he could get.

Maybe, Taeyong was one of those dangerous, beautiful threats.

And as always, she can’t trust anyone.

She stands up then, careful not to awake him, when she tugs at the dress scattered on the flooring and her underwear, putting them on in the blink of an eye before grasping Taeyong’s pants and jacket in between her fingers, rummaging through his pockets until she finds his wallet. The clothing drapes on the floor once again, lurking through the leather of the wallet until she finds them.

Three black cards and a platinum card.

She leaves him the platinum card, taking the three black cards as payment for what he did to Allegra. He may not die, but he also won’t have a nice time after this.

So, what is stopping her when she is by the door, looking over her shoulder to see Taeyong splayed in the dark, an arm still extended as if waiting for her to linger on his side. She feels like shit, but it’s what she has to do. She felt even worse when Allegra died, and that was her only friend dying right in her office. The office she frequents every single day, on top of that.

Sucking in a breath, she opens the door, cancelling all thoughts of staying there and getting to know him. Taeyong is not a good person, that’s for sure. If the only person she has left to trust tells her he is the bad guy, it’s because he is. But why is it so hard to believe?

She saved his life. The least she can do is get his money, right?

Her head is thumping by the time she gets out of the door, three black cards richer with her heart in her sleeve. Life was never meant to be easy.

###

Fingers frozen after mixing drinks endlessly, her back rested against the harsh walls of her new workplace, The Jungle. Her head lulled to the side, trying to keep herself awake after her workhours, wishing for the sun to rise so she wouldn’t have an excuse to fall asleep, but it was four in the morning. Forever was more of what those two hours left felt like.

Truth was, it was all her fault. She would not have to sleep near the back door of this expensive casino had she not trusted people too easily. Her boyfriend, fuck, she had loved that man to bits—promised him the world and back. Daniel swore back and forth that they were going to have a future together, that they would get out of their little neighborhood and reach for the sky.

As it turned out, just as they had moved in together, he reached for her bank account and took all the money she had left. The money she had earned with hard work, while he scratched his balls around the apartment. The one she lost two months after, and the one she couldn’t afford to get back.

Well, she was on the way there. She had only worked here for a week, and if she ignored the cold, sleeping on the backdoor was not so bad. Daniel could go live a somewhat good lifestyle, but she would get up again one day. She just had to wait for her first paycheck and stay in a motel—

The door opened then, almost knocking her over, but awakening her successfully. She moved to the side, aware of how dangerous it was to be out in the open like this—then again, what other option did she have? It was either this or sleeping in a box on the streets.

Much to her distaste, it was the boss. Allegra, with the vibrato in her voice and the relaxation in her features. Her lips were plush, face enigmatic, hair too short to be grasped. She always wore the tallest heels she had seen, dressed to perfection from head to toe, ready to bite the night and make it her own.

“Oh, darling,” Allegra said, fingers pointing at the corner of the casino’s back-place. As it turned out, she saw a little glimmering light there, making her frown deeply. Shit, that was a camera. “When I was checking around for robbers, I didn’t expect to see my newest bartender sleeping on the streets.”

“I—I’m so sorry, miss.” She spoke, voice youthful, lowering her head to look at her dirtied hands. Shit, the dust on the concrete must have stained her skin. “It won’t happen again…”

“Why?”

She lifted her head then, looking at Allegra. “Why what?”

“Why do you sleep here?”

Embarrassment bathed over her features, heat taking over them when she looked into the woman’s eyes. Successful, and perhaps on the way to kicking her out of there. “…I have nowhere else to go. I got kicked out of my apartment.”

With that, Allegra’s features softened even more, if that was even possible. She kneeled in front of her, extending her hand to wave it in front of her, as if trying to catch her. “Then, you’re coming with me.”

She gasped, choking a bit on her saliva. “Excuse me?”

“I’m not letting someone live in the streets, much less if it’s a woman we’re talking about.” Allegra moved her hand, as if to catch her attention any further, but she clung onto herself. This was too much of an issue.

“You don’t have to, miss—”

“Allegra.” She corrected, quirking one of her eyebrows. “And I want to.” With that, her fingers extended towards her, waving them to calling her over.

“I don’t want to be a bother—”

This was what the world taught her. She never could ask her family for help, for they were the first ones to tell her not to get involved with Daniel, her high school love, the man that was supposed to make her feel like they were at the top of the world, but only managed to bring her down. She would never forgive him for taking away everything she ever had, that was for sure.

Allegra sighed, giving lessons without knowing, like she always did. “It is not a bad thing to trust people, darling. I know you’re scared now, but the magic of life comes from trusting people and letting yourself feel. There are enemies everywhere, but out of all badness, there will be a glimmer of good.”

The moment she wrapped her fingers around Allegra’s hand was when their friendship started, and what a shame, it was, that her singular advice—to trust people just to find the good ones in between the bad—was the solemn thing that got her killed.

###

Taeyong awakens to constant clicking, a string of curse words in a manly voice, and in an empty bed.

Brown eyes open to see an unknown man standing next to his bed. He’s at gunpoint, with a pistol directly pointed at his face that he manages to run away from. The blankets cover his naked body when he stands up from the bed, a scream leaving his lips when he studies the expression of the man in front of him. Much to his confusion, however, the killer continuously pulls the trigger only to come up with a clicking noise. No bullets coming out, definitely not a bang against his head because he would have died already…

“What the fuck?!” Taeyong asks, heart picking up in a rhythm he can’t control. The killer has mussy hair and a suit, perched to be a man of wealth, but he doesn’t recognize him one bit. Even so, he knows his intentions. “W—Who are you and how did you get inside?”

The man in question lets the gun fall to the side of his body, extending his palms on each side of his head in surrender, well-lifted with his elbows crooked. “Easy…easy…”

“I asked you some questions. Give them an answer because you definitely don’t want to see me angry.” Now that the gun is down, Taeyong is ready to defend himself if necessary. He wraps the white blanket fully around his hips, trying to—at least—keep himself cladded in this situation. “Who are you?”

The killer calls out her name. The woman he had slept with last night comes in full view at that moment, void of her presence in this room. His heart thumps mercilessly against his chest, burning his ears, rubbing at his lungs and distinguishing his breathing. Taeyong can’t control herself.

“What the fuck are you talking about?” He’s done playing the good guy, stepping towards his clothing and putting them on now that he knows there is not a loaded gun pressed to him. His back is not turned towards this man, however.

The coward keeps his hands up in the air, frowning at his words. “Ah, she was the one that hired me.” Those words don’t settle well in his stomach. He was one step away from death just because of the person he connected with just mere hours ago? His stomach churns at the idea. “Check your wallet and you’ll see that she stole from you. She does that to everyone, man. It’s what she does. How did you think she got that casino going?”

The rapidness of the man’s voice speaks of fear, enough to have Taeyong lifting his butt after putting on his pants to rummage through his wallet. The leather rubs against his fingertips, and he stops for a second. There is no way in hell that she had hired someone to kill him. She could have done so herself, if that is what she wanted. Besides, she didn’t seem like the type—

He opens the wallet. Three of his cards are missing, only his platinum one left.

He had been lied to. Scammed. Robbed. Almost killed, had it not been for the lack of bullets.

“P—Please, don’t call the police.” The hitman—and Taeyong is guessing he is that—says with his hands up in the air, moving towards the door. “I’ll tell you where she is, really. Exactly where you can find her right now and you can take the police there but please…please…don’t…”

The pathetic tone in his voice has Taeyong erasing all thoughts of anger, but he exchanges it for betrayal. He bites the inside of his cheek, putting on his shirt as he speaks to the man. “Get out of my face before I smack some sense into you. You just tried to kill me and expect me to forgive you?”

“She was the one who did it. I—I…I couldn’t bring myself to do it.” The man is much older than him, but the way his eyes glisten, like a kicked animal, makes him lose all trust he did not even have on him.

But what does he know? He was the one who trusted a complete stranger last night and almost got robbed and killed.

He pushes his wallet inside his pocket, speaking lowly. “Where is she?”

“In her office at The Jungle. I can tell you the code if you want.”

Taeyong scoffs. “No, you will tell me the code. I need to get her in jail.” He can’t believe that their connection had completely subsided to this. Even worse, that he trusted someone so easily and now, he was on the verge of dying.

Why would she want to kill him for, either way? Fame, success, money? She already had that!

Bad people roam through the air like mosquitoes, that’s for sure.

“One-two-seven-zero-five.” The killer spits out, only to have Taeyong nodding.

“Okay. Anything else I should know?”

“Don’t tell her you saw me.” He says, and Taeyong rolls his eyes, moving towards the door with purpose.

She better start thinking about having fun behind bars, because he is not going to get played with that way. His heart aches, eyes battling tears of betrayal after just trusting someone. Well, there is a reason as to why Soonhwan told him not to trust one-night stands, but he would have never expected this to happen to him.

He needs to make justice out of this, that’s all he knows.

###

Peace. Quiet. Loneliness. The Jungle is empty, void of any costumers, strippers or bartenders. Everyone is off to their houses, just like peace has left her long ago.

It’s been hours, goddamn it, hours since she had left Taeyong in that hotel room, and her mind couldn’t stop whirling like a ceiling fan. All she can think about is the fact that at seven in the morning, exact, Tori would go to his room, try to shoot him, and find the pistol void of bullets. If she’s lucky, he would not have one of his own. She’s almost certain that he hasn’t, because this is Tori she is talking about. He relies on her like a child on their mother.

But still, she can’t bring herself to feel any less guilty. Besides, the pieces didn’t quite match. Taeyong had said last night, in between their introductions and it could very well be a lie, that it was his first time there. Truth was, it felt honest. He would have stepped back had he managed to have a thing with Allegra, much more after Hino outed the most important factor about her personality—that she was, indeed, the boss in The Jungle.

Any normal person with at least two fingers of forehead would have ran out of there. Sleeping with someone, who was possibly close friends with someone he apparently killed, is not the best route to take.

Tori wants her to believe Taeyong did it. Taeyong, who had been sweet, tranquil, nice enough to hold her hand after sex, clean her up if she will, treat her like a pillow princess after everything was over—

The cards glisten when she takes a seat on the center of the casino. All lights are turned off, the shadows making the black cards mock her. A thief, she would have never thought she’d become that.

Truth is…she knows what kind of people Tori and Allegra are. Or was, in Allegra’s case. That’s why Allegra opened her arms up to her—because she knew what it was like to end up in the streets. Both from wealthy families but with dirtied hands, they had done the impossible to withstand the titles behind their names. Their nicknames, even, she doesn’t think she has called them by their real names—ever. They had businesses to withhold, families to take care of, and contracts to keep.

Being good in this world is so rhetorical, even metaphorical. Rules are there, but sometimes, we dare judge them according to the people around us. Call her a dog biting her owner’s hand, but Allegra was at risk of getting killed. If someone like her, just some simplistic friend that ended up as the owner of a casino, has to keep enemies close in order to get things done, then she can’t imagine what it was like for Allegra.

It’s not justified…what they did to her, it will never stop hurting, but it makes sense. It’s what happens when people when involved with crime, even more if it’s with those who have enough power to erase all trails of their injustice.

The doors of the casino open, enough to have her standing up from the table. Shit, she had forgotten to close those. She was about to, but she had stayed talking to one of the strippers, losing time only to, casually, get lost in her own thoughts after. It should be one of the workers, forgetful of an object, but it’s nine in the morning and who he sees takes her off guard.

Wearing the same clothes as last night, Taeyong has never looked so different. All rays of sunshine in his smiles and his eyes are gone. Void of that, he frowns deeply, letting the heavy door close behind him when he runs his fingers through his blonde hair and spits out the ungodliest lie.

“You tried to kill me.”

In reality, she stole from him, like the poor little thief she never was. There is nothing better than revenge, she had once heard, but this is horrid. She knows, in this case, that she was the one that fucked everything up. Nothing about the puzzle Tori had created made sense.

She swallows thickly, extending her hand once he is in front of her, though far away to keep meters of distance. Different from how they were last night. It’s time to cut the bullshit. “Here are your cards.” She whispers, voice hoarse. “I didn’t intend on killing you. I was supposed to just steal from you—”

Taeyong scoffs, snatching the cards away from her with a tight grip, hand smacking against his side from the force. “I got lucky, you know? Something in destiny switched and the bullets in the pistol were not there, but I could have fucking died and just because you wanted to steal from me?” He spits out the words as if treating with a gold-digger. She doesn’t judge the player or the game, but she has never been like that. Dated an asshole in her life, decided not to do it again, not even for money.

Though, why would he think that? She obviously doesn’t need the money now.

She frowns, shaking her head. “I stole from you because of what I have heard about you, Taeyong.” It’s time to uncover the truth, for even in his haunt for reality, Taeyong had fallen far behind. “I have enough money to have black and platinum cards of my own. I’m not some prostitute.”

His brown eyes don’t show her image, she has stopped mirroring herself when looking at him. She sees pain. Clear as day. The kind of look that is given to a man when everything he believed in is suddenly changed. “But you are a murderer. You didn’t even have enough braveness to do it yourself—”

“Where exactly did you get all of this from?” She asks, teeth clattering against each other when she tries to connect the dots of what Taeyong envisions. “Taeyong, I stole from you, and sure, I knew someone was planning on killing you…I…I was supposed to take you there so you were murdered, but I didn’t have the heart—”

He widens his eyes, running his hands through his hair once again. “Shit, am I supposed to feel better about that?”

“I’m not a murderer! I wasn’t the one that had the idea. All I did was take the bullets out so no one would kill you, and I wouldn’t lose the trust of the only person I have left!” Taeyong must have gotten it all wrong, and she doesn’t know why her breathing picks up the way it does. She knows she’ll go to hell, maybe because she acknowledges things like this happen in her casino all the time, but it’s the price she has to pay for the life that was crafted for her.

What wouldn’t have she given to live a happy life with Daniel, perhaps get married on the long run, get a job that was proper and stay on the downlow until the day of her death?

But he robbed from her, and now she is in his position.

“What would have happened if he got some bullets from someone else? If he had noticed before—?”

“He wouldn’t have, Taeyong.”

“You don’t know that!” His voice raises, getting closer to her with fire radiating from within. For one second, he breathes in and out, trying to calm himself down until his voice lulls to a lonesome blues. “…He could have killed me and you would have to live with that.”

She shakes her head, pressing her lips together when she looks to the side. “Well, the man that tried to kill you was the one that schemed it all.” Now, she doesn’t know why she isn’t protecting Tori, but it’s the lies that obvious scatter behind this mess that makes her say the truth. For once, she wants to riot out the reality inside of her. “Stop pointing fingers because I am not a murderer or a robber. I did it because—”

“I should feel grateful, shouldn’t I?” Taeyong asks, voice low. “I have to get on my knees and thank you because you took some bullets out. What did I do to deserve being robbed and threatened, almost murdered for fuck’s sake—?”

“He said—”

“He said, he said, he said! What did you think out of all this?” Taeyong questions, more knowledgeable than she’ll ever be. “You are old enough to have judgement, to know between wrong and right, to make decisions for yourself and let me tell you, with the sincerest heart, that your decision was wrong.”

She closes her eyes tightly, breathing through her nose when the image of Allegra pops inside her head. She died in her arms, how was she supposed to feel? “I was just trusting the people that I knew, Taeyong. I—It was wrong, I can accept that. I’m not saying it wasn’t. I just thought it was revenge for something I got told.”

“It’s not an excuse.”

“I’m not trying to find excuses.” She says. “The man you met, Tori, told me you killed my friend, Allegra. She was stabbed in her office by a man she saw that night. They robbed her of everything she had on her, made her seem…poor and reckless. They practically ripped her in half.” Her stomach churns at the image, bringing one hand up her mouth to stop the sensation of vomiting. “I’m not asking for mercy,” She opens her eyes, looking at him, truth spat out. “Or forgiveness, Taeyong. I’ve had enough bullshit in my life to know I don’t deserve either…but she didn’t deserve what she got done, either. I lost the only person who was there for me when I was at my lowest, in the most horrid of ways, and all I wanted was justice.” Shrugging, she sighs. “What a shame that justice for people in my side of the world can’t be through the police. They would put her as some whore who deserved what she had for enjoying casual sex, and I won’t have anyone talking shit about her, you hear me?”

Taeyong remains silent for a few seconds, taking in everything she said before placing his cards inside his pocket. “I didn’t know whoever you are talking about. I, fuck, I would never kill someone.”

She huffs. “That makes two of us.”

“That man…Tori,” Taeyong speaks the name out, testing it in his tongue. “He said you were the one that hired him to kill me.”

Those words paralyze her. No. It can’t be. Tori had treated her as part of his family, there is no way in hell he would ever— “He has been investigating for years. He was the one that said you were the last man Allegra saw—”

“How many years ago?” Taeyong asks, and just as she’s about to open her lips, he says: “Not that I know any Allegra, and I may have one-night stands from time to time, but I know one thing…and that’s that I learn the names of the women I’m with. I have never slept or dated with a woman named Allegra.”

And it’s an odd probability that she actually used her real name with him. Her name was Allegra, as if her past never existed, and she knew the reason why she would never follow after her past, either. That’s why they connected as friends.

“Almost two years ago.”

“I was dating a model two years ago. Kind of public, if you ask me. You can find the pictures online.” Taeyong replies, as if it’s that fucking common to date a model. His arms cross over his chest, licking the inside of his cheek. “So…you didn’t try to kill me?”

“Tori was the one with the idea.” She replies, head filled with thoughts. “…And he was the one that told you I wanted to kill you?”

“Yes.”

Tori is up to something.

The man that she trusts the most has stabbed her in the back.

Just as she’s about to say something else, the sound of the door opening captures her attention. This time, the person opening it doesn’t take the time to not be audible. They barge in, showcasing their buff body, as a woman points a rifle directly at Taeyong’s head.

Something is so wrong about this.

Before she knows it, she lowers Taeyong to the ground, the gunshot ringing through their ear drums when his eyes widen.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck, not again—”

“I need you to trust me, okay?” She speaks, rather quickly, standing up as she places Taeyong right in front of her, taking the unused gun in her coat out to aimlessly throw some bullets. Truth is, she doesn’t use a gun often, but Jinhee reassures that she needs to. If strippers need them, so does the owner of this entire place.

“Where do we—?”

Before he could continue speaking, she opens the door of the office, jotting down the code and closing the door behind her. “She shouldn’t get in. She doesn’t know the code—”

“Tori gave me the code.” Taeyong speaks too quickly, going over to the desk to hide underneath it. “If Tori is the one behind this, he probably gave her the code too.”

“Shit.” She curses, thanking Allegra for teaching her the way through the office and her lack of trust for keeping her lips sealed. She opens the strongbox, getting inside of it in a crouched position before pressing her fingers against the touching pad at the very back.

“Hey, don’t leave me alone here.” Taeyong rushes behind her, only to have her tugging at his forearm to bring him with her.

“Take a deep breath and close the door. I’ve never used this getaway.”

With that, Taeyong follows her instructions, closing the strongbox’s door to be left in absolute blackness. Only when she opens the hidden door does the light come back to them, closing that small door behind them.

###

“Taeyong, will you just please move your ass?”

Ironic, given that Taeyong is just crawling through an underground passage, with last night’s one-night stand’s ass right in front of his face, as the distant sound of someone rummaging through the office like a maniac leaves his ears ringing.

“I—I am…” He breathes out, trying to get used to the closed-up space and concentrate on the peak of light he can see, well, between her legs? God, no one would ever believe him if he were to say this story out loud. “I just, I, um, I don’t know what just happened. That’s all.”

“This passage leads to an alleyway. We’ll smell like trash once we’re out, but we’ll be safe.” She breathes out, hands clinging onto the dusted walls around them before huffing. “Well, as safe as I can keep you…”

“I still can’t believe you trusted that Tori guy about me being a murderer.”

“I don’t keep up with sports, Taeyong.” She says, moving up to jot some numbers onto another notepad and much to his delight, the railings that keep them away from the alleyway open at her ministrations. He would have never thought these holes on the ground really existed. “But something about boxers, who have all the force in the world and get paid for it, murdering a woman in a passionate crime didn’t sound so impossible to me. Only because I have a sense of guilt and I’m not a murderer, did I decide to save you.”

“I’m not a violent guy. Just because I’m a boxer doesn’t mean you get to judge me—”

His ramblings are cut short when she turns around to look at him, both of their bodies extended underneath the opening, trying to reach it, but unable to. “Taeyong,” Her chest molds against his, looking completely different than she did when they met. Dress forgotten, she is cladded in all black, not a curve in sight from the oversized nature of her clothing. “Read the room and help me up so I can get us out of here.”

His hands wrap around her waist, as used as he was to it last night, but now cladding him in embarrassment. He does as she says, watching her arms expand on each side of the railing until she was out. Seated on the concrete and pulling her legs away, she extends her hand towards him.

“Up and at them. They’re going to catch up with us soon.”

He didn’t know what he expected when he was hoisted up, but it definitely wasn’t not to close this chapter of his life and continuing with this runaway stance. He coughs out the dirt that clung to his lungs, hearing her close the railings as he inspects the alleyway. It seems to be in the same neighborhood, but it’s so narrow and surrounded by trash that it looks inhabitable.

Shit, it is. The only reason why he would imagine someone would come in here was because they weren’t up to no good.

“What do you mean they’re going to catch up with us?” He asks, unaware of the way her fingers hook around his, dragging him away from the scenery and towards the street.

“Blend with people.” She instructs, pulling him along with her as she loses them in between masses of people. “If Tori is behind this, which I’m guessing he has something to do with this whole mess, he will know where to find me and he will discover the passage and where it leads to. This neighborhood has too many gangs, and it’ll only take a handful of money to have us both killed.”

“You have a…” Taeyong trails, patting the pocket of her coat where he saw her put her gun last. “Isn’t that supposed to protect us?”

“I’m not talking pistols, Taeyong. I’m talking rifles, grenades, knives, you name it, they have it.” It seems as though she doesn’t care about people hearing her speak about this. Or maybe, this is far more normal in this side of town than he had expected.

The rich only bring more issues into this world.

“And what are we going to do?”

“I’ll keep you safe for a few hours while you contact your team and we figure out what is going on. Once you’re with your team and I’m sure no one is following you. I will go have a talk with Tori.”

He may not be part of this world—and he’s starting to doubt she knows much more than running away—, but that doesn’t sound like an equation to success. “That’ll get you killed.”

She shrugs. “An eye for an eye.” She tells, turning around the corner and sighing deeply. Her hand extends towards a cab, calling it over in the crowded city. “I almost got you killed,” The sun rakes down on her face when she opens the door of the taxi. “So, you can expect me to almost get killed, too. Let’s just hope I survive it.”

Taeyong enters the car right behind her, looking around the windows with suspicion. Even the man at the front, old and with a long beard, keeps him on the edge. “Oh, a couple!” The taxi driver says, unexpectedly chatty. “I haven’t had one of those in a while.”

“Yeah.” She smiles, charming when she wants to, pulling her beanie up her head. The next thing she does is tell the man an address, leaning back on her seat for some seconds of silence. “I know you don’t trust me, Taeyong.” And he doesn’t, but the way she looks at him tells him that she is trying her best. “But I’ll do anything to protect you. No one deserves to die and definitely not for my actions, but there is a reason why Tori is targeting you…and if you’re not involved with any of his businesses, we have to find out why you’re the target.” Her whisper is delicate, but it sends a shiver down her spine.

He has to trust her. He has no other choice.

###

Sometimes, we have a wound. This wound, caused by another person, closes up after endless prodding. In her case, her wound was caused by Daniel. They were so happy once, enchanted enough for her to end up on the streets after he stole from her and glad enough for him to buy the apartment that they kicked her out of once she was working in The Jungle. He was a thinker, and a coward too, and while happiness could have been the end of their story, it wasn’t.

But it’s the only person she knows in her life that doesn’t come from The Jungle and that lives in a place where no one would ever find. Her little secret, she would say, and now she has to pierce through that wound that she had let heal only to keep Taeyong safe.

The muddy hallways were not ones she missed, filled with gossiping neighbors and endless music. So much that it thumps against her eardrums and it irks her endlessly. Either way, she moves up the woodened staircase, hearing each creak and letting it bleed through her. Daniel, when was the last time she saw him? Over five years ago, that’s for sure, maybe through the street or grabbing a drink.

“Where are we going?” Taeyong asks, moving over to her side as he still inspects everything. She can tell he’s thinking they are being followed, and who knows? They might.

“To my ex’s place.” She says, shrugging her shoulders. “It’s the only place Tori doesn’t know about, because I never liked talking about him. If they’re looking for us, they definitely won’t look here.”

Taeyong hums, nibbling on his nails as he ponders. “He must be a nice man. Your…ex…for letting you crash at his place just like that.”

She chuckles, standing upright in front of apartment 204. That’s where they moved in together after high school. “He’s not the worst man I have ever met in my life, but he stole all my money and left me in the streets so…he’s up there.” Without giving Taeyong the time to answer, she knocks on his door, licking her lips in the process. “Let’s just hope he feels some remorse and decides to help me for what he did to me.”

“We don’t have to do this.” Taeyong argues, only to have her shaking her head.

“We do, Taeyong.” Once again, she knocks. “We need to hide for a few hours. Not too little, not too long. They won’t find us here.”

“I don’t want to put you through that—”

The door opens then, and when she looks up at her much taller ex-boyfriend, she realizes she didn’t miss him one bit.

The enigma of Daniel was the fact that he was always a bit on the bad side. It’s like she saw shards of glass on the floor and she swore on her life she could put them back together. She swore it didn’t mean a thing when every single penny he earned went to the drinks he shared with his friends. She swore that he loved her, with all his being, with the way he wrapped his lips around a cigarette and kissed it as if it was her…

But now that she looks at the mirror of his dark eyes, clouded, she realizes that her being by his side was only a condemn. A doom. He was slowly and absentmindedly dragging her to be exactly like him, leaving habits within his wake. He was the one that taught her how to smoke, and she’s not sure she’ll ever drop her box of cigarettes without, at least, taking a drag.

He practically purrs out her name, his slim frame covered in a gray t-shirt and jeans. He crosses one leg over the other when he leans against the doorframe, bringing his cigarette up to his thick and dried lips, his short nose letting out some of the smoke when he blurts it out. “Thought I’d never see you at my doorstep again.”

“I never needed to.” She replies, eager to call him out—to take that smirk off his face, but Daniel is smart. Wicked intelligent, at that. He knows the only reason why she would ever be there is because she needs him. “…But now I need a place to stay with. With…my friend.”

The brown strands of his long hair curl around his face, chuckling. “Why’s that?”

She rolls her eyes. “Can’t we talk inside, Daniel?”

He hums. “Of course, but you never called me Daniel.” He opens the door wider then, taking another drag of nicotine as he moves inside. He doesn’t care giving his back to people, definitely someone who doesn’t have enemies surrounding him. God, she’s one of them. “It always Dany, Dany, Dany.” He repeats, putting the cigarette down on the coffee table, tapping the ashes before taking another drag. “In different occasions, too. Different tones, tempos, you were always very—”

She knows what he is doing. If there was one thing that was brittle in Daniel’s body was his ego. He saw another potential love affair, even when he had cheated on her a bunch of times probably, and he was already thinking of the past. “Very stupid. If you liked it when I called you ‘Dany’, you would have never stolen from me on the first place.” She puts her beanie down on the coffee table, pointing at one of the sofas to Taeyong. “We’ll crash here for a few hours. Some fucker is following me and trying to kill us and I need to keep him safe. I hope you don’t mind.”

“I don’t, sugar.” The sarcasm in his voice is ever present, his tired and bag-filled eyes roaming over her face. “But I thought you’d, at least, have the decency to introduce me to one of the most well-known boxers of our time.”

“You know I don’t care about sports.” She repeats, something that she had told Taeyong already, and the man stares in between them as he sits down on the sofa. Awkward. Definitely uncomfortable.

“I—I’m Lee Taeyong.” He says, extending his hand for Daniel to take.

“I’m Daniel Kim.” He finalizes, shaking his hand. “Though, you probably heard wonders about me.”

She crosses her arms over her chest. “Daniel, I’m not here for your bullshit.”

“Right.” Finally, the flame of his cigarette dies down when he stomps on it with his foot, standing up from the flowery sofa and moving over to her. This place is as tainted as she remembers it, smelling like cardboard and humidity. “You’re here for protection and I’m here to prepare lunch and shut my pretty little mouth, ain’t it?”

She hums. “First correct thing you’ve said.”

Daniel chuckles, all teeth when he reaches for his box of cigarettes on the coffee table. Another one? It wouldn’t surprise her. “I’ve always managed to know what you wanted.” And that was one of the reasons why she always stayed. His wit played to his favor. Daniel could read her like a book, and she would always be surprised by his skills. His fingers press the cigarette stick to her mouth, and she complies by opening it, watching him as he lights it up before he turns to Taeyong. “Big fan of your work, man.”

He doesn’t seem to be utterly pleased to be where he is, and she doesn’t blame him. She put him in an unnecessary position. “Thanks. Can’t say the same thing about you.”

“Someone stole the Mona Lisa; I stole some money. Different stories for different folks, similar outcome.” Daniel shrugs, moving over to the kitchen and closing the white door behind him, leaving them in solitude when Taeyong scoffs.

“You really fell in love for that?”

“I was young and stupid.” She finalizes, taking the old landline by the kitchen door in between her fingers before putting the device up to her ear.

Taeyong stands up at that, as if knowing she wants him to call someone, when he says: “I imagine you did better after. As in, looked for better men.”

“I didn’t date anyone else after him. Well, went on some dates, like two.” She replies, not ashamed of her lack of experience, and giving the landline to him. “But…” Tucking a strand of hair behind her ear, she pulls the cigarette away from her lips to talk to him. “I did do better.”

“When?” Taeyong asks, pressing some numbers down with his slim fingers.

With you. Last night. She wants to tell him those words, but it’s useless. It could have easily been a simple one-night stand, perhaps a date after, but she had to fuck it up. “With someone. I—I shouldn’t really be talking about this.”

She puts her cigarette down, realizing exactly where she is, who she has always been. How could she even think their stories would have intertwined had it not been for Tori?

“Call your people. Whoever you trust and ask them where we can meet up. I’ll drop you off with Daniel’s car and then, I’ll see myself out of your life. You’ll never hear from me again and I can promise no one will bother you again.”

She turns her back to him. It’s the right thing to do. Instead, she turns off that old, raunchy television and sits down in front of it, trying to concentrate on something else.

###

By the time she plans to get out of Daniel’s place, it’s already eight at night. The sun has disappeared and her conversation with Taeyong has died down. Trivial things to keep themselves entertained and away from Daniel, who has embarked in one or two words about boxing with Taeyong.

Tori. Shit, she can’t keep Tori’s name away from her head. It’s second nature for her to correlate Tori with Allegra when they were together when Allegra had taken her in like a little sister. Tori had been the one to serve her meals, protect her from freaks when she was a bartender, and the one that taught her how to use a gun. Sure, he was always threaded in the world of organized crime, but she would have never imagined he’d kill for fun. Period.

But Taeyong could not lie to her. Something about him tells her that he is absolutely innocent. Maybe, it’s the confusion at hearing gunshots or the fact that nothing about him exudes malice, but the punches on Allegra’s corpse could have come from something else. Anyone with strength who hit on a dead body, that’s for sure.

Dongyoung, now that she knows is Taeyong’s publicist, had practically ripped her head off through the phone when Taeyong put her on it and told him everything. He was on the verge of calling the police, too, but that would only get her to jail and give unnecessary publicity to his team, just weeks away from the big fight. That’s the reason why she insisted on having him find a place for them to stay. A mansion not too far away from here was rented only this afternoon, and Taeyong would be moving in the matter of seconds.

She just needs to take him there and for that, she needs to get Daniel’s car.

“If he gets funny with you or asks you for something in return for the car, don’t do it.” Taeyong tells her once he sees her stand up, and she smiles when she looks at him from over his shoulder.

“I’ve taken care of myself plenty, Taeyong. You can land some good punches, but I think I can give a good bitch slap.” She replies, walking over to the kitchen with certain steps. “We should be out of here in ten minutes. Sit tight.”

The sizzling of vegetables comes from the pan in front of Daniel. Everything in the kitchen looks so small next to him, from the salt he pours on the pan to the pan on itself. He has changed clothing, taken a shower, and even when he’s cooking, a cigarette is in between his lips. Talk about hygiene.

“Daniel, I need you to lend me your car. I promise to return it…but tomorrow.” She starts, walking over to the white counter only to see Daniel hollow his cheeks, the ones she had once sprinkled with kisses, before taking his cigarette out.

As always, he speaks in between a cloud of smoke. “You can have it,” He says. “But I was thinking you guys could stay for dinner, too.”

She scoffs at that. “Sorry, man. I’m not sure I’m feeling like eating cigarette salad.”

Daniel chuckles at those words, shaking his head. “We used to share the same cigs and now you’re out here judging me for cooking while I smoke?” He asks, looking down at her as a smile takes over his features. She doesn’t feel a thing anymore, rapid on getting out of there. “Which reminds me, you really used to like it when I smoked as we had s—”

Stupid decisions made by even stupider, younger minds. She can’t even believe she fell in love with a foul mouthed, rampant mess like Daniel Kim. “Okay, the car keys. I’m out of here and looking for Tori—”

“That’s all I needed,” He leans his weight forward, looking into her eyes. “There’s something going on with Taeyong, I can feel it.”

“Oh, not this shit—” She mumbles, rolling her eyes. “If there was something with Taeyong, it’s none of your concern, Daniel. Get it through your head.”

“That’s a yes.” Daniel finalizes, licking the inside of his cheek before looking down at his stirred vegetables. “Damn, here I was thinking all highly about myself.”

“Your time passed long ago.” She tells him, watching him rummage through the cabinet of the counter before tossing the car keys at her.

“I can tell.” Wrapping his lips around the cigarette, he blurts out some words with the smoke. “One more thing—”

“I don’t have the time…”

“Is the man you’re looking for, that Tori guy, tall, with brown hair and always wears suits? Kind of tan…”

She frowns deeply. Daniel is not the kind of person to be around people of importance like this. “Yes. Why? Do you know him?”

“Don’t go wherever you’re thinking you can find him. He’s always accompanied.” He instructs, moving the vegetables around with his spoon. “I frequent this…brothel that he goes to. It’s the only place you can find him alone. He can’t go a week without a blowjob so I’m sure he’ll be there.” He takes a piece of napkin, jotting down the address before giving it to her.

Her stomach revolts against itself. “A brothel? Christ, Daniel, where has your life gone to?”

He clears his throat. “Turns out there are not a lot of women who would cope with me quite like you did…so, if I want to have sex, I have to pay for it.” It doesn’t surprise her one bit, but Tori? She couldn’t even imagine it.

“Thanks.” She dangles the keys he tossed at her before sprinting towards the door. Though, once she opens it, she comes face to face with Taeyong.

He looks like a deer caught in the headlights, blinking rapidly even when she tells him to start moving, walking out of the apartment with the man trailing after her steps.

“You’re not thinking of going to a brothel alone, are you?”

“Yes.” She replies, creaking stairs carrying her weight as she goes down. “I have to talk to him and see what the fuck happened.”

“He’ll kill you.” It’s hard for her to believe Tori would do such thing, so she shrugs.

“I’ll go in a two to three days just in case.” She pushes the address inside the pocket of her coat, next to her gun. “For the time being, I’ll stay at a motel and keep on the downlow. It should be fine. You’re going to your mansion with your bodyguards, I’m staying here—”

Taeyong shakes his head, taking her by the shoulders and shaking her slightly as he walks behind her, that doesn’t halter her steps. “Listen to yourself!”

“I’m listening, Taeyong. It’s a brothel.”

“It’s not the place only, it’s where you’re going and with who.”

“Alone.” She finalizes when they are by the entrance door of the apartment complex. “I should have never stopped being alone, that’s just how it is. It’s better off if I just—”

“Throw yourself to the mouth of the tiger, let yourself get chewed up and then, killed? You stand no chances.”

Trying to mask her concerns with vividness, she laughs, pushing the door open and clicking on the keys to see Daniel’s car come to life. “What are you talking about, Yong? You don’t know me—”

“I just know that if you were…if you were really like him, you wouldn’t have taken the bullets out. You spared my life even when I could have possibly been your friend’s killer and you continue to save me even if that means losing your entire casino. You left the place alone just to run away with me!” The breeze swirls against her clothing when she opens the passenger door, but before she could get inside the black, old car, Taeyong spits out some words that she would have never expected from him. “If you’re going to that brothel, I’m going with you.”

That is what does it, targeting at her patience and he has good aim. “You are not, Taeyong, end of story, get in that car and fuck off.”

While he does what she says, he can’t stop arguing: “So, what do you expect me to do?” Like a good citizen, he puts on his seatbelt, resting his palms on his knees. “I go to sleep each night for the next few days thinking about the fact that I left you to go alone on your own to some brothel, to get a guy who obviously has a team with him, and that you are going to die, most likely?”

She starts the car then, sighing deeply as she unparks it. “I know how to deal with Tori,” There can’t be all falseness in his personality. There must be a cause to all this. “Just leave it to me. If something happens, you don’t have to worry about it.”

“You’re a human being. Of course, I should worry—” Taeyong continues. Once his buttons are pushed, he can’t shut up, but the pushed pout on his lower lip has him looking far more innocent than he intends. “You don’t know how to deal with him. I’m certain he’s the bad guy—”

Sure, he may be right. “But we are all bad guys, Taeyong. I invite people in each night knowing the business that goes down in my establishment.” She pushes him away. He needs to get his head out of this business. “I—I robbed you, Taeyong. I’m a bad guy, too.”

He looks over to the side of the windows, surprising her when he leans over to her side, his breath fanning on her face when his palm gets lost in the pocket of her coat.

“Taeyong, just fuck off!”

“I need to know where you’re going, at least.” He spits out, and she is unable to take the piece of napkin away from his fingertips.

“You’re not going there.”

“I just—”

“Taeyong, I don’t want you to die. I don’t need you to.” Losing her temper, she concludes. “You don’t know what it’s like. Even if you go there and even if I do get killed, you don’t know how people like these react. They won’t only get you. They will get your staff, your friends, your family…you have no option but to follow after my advice. Stay out of it.”

He doesn’t utter a single word from then on, giving her the piece of napkin after reading over it. The silence settles in a way that has her opening her mouth a few times, trying to come up with something to say, but she’s left with nothing more than a goodbye when she reaches that mansion of his. Newest, fresh out of the market, and safe.

That’s all that matters.

###

The key to life is knowing how to nag. Outing opinions in common manners, though sometimes obstinate, is a talent, truthfully. But Dongyoung has something against his favor—he does not only have the key, he has the goddamned lock, the door itself. Nagging is his passion, his job, his talent, his characterization. It’s his everything, and Taeyong isn’t having it.

The black satin sheets rest on each side of his body, fresh out the shower after spending an entire day in that mansion. Goosebumps rise on his skin at his lack of shirt, looking up at the ceiling as he tries to concentrate on something. Anything other than her. When he was practicing in his own personal gym, early in the morning, with Soonhwan by his side worried out of his ass, he could only think that she’s out there, a target, looking to get killed and he knows that something bad with happen.

His hand rests behind his head when he watches, once again, that Dongyoung moves back and forth in the spacious new room he just bought. “What exactly were you thinking, Taeyong?” He asks, sighing deeply when he runs his fingers through his hair.

“Easy.” Taeyong whispers. “I wasn’t.”

This makes Dongyoung stop on his tracks, but Taeyong doesn’t see what he does. Looking at the ceiling is far more interesting, confirmed. “Oh, and that’s supposed to make me feel at ease? You’re lucky no one saw you. Not only did you sleep with a complete stranger, but you went to a hotel with her, almost got killed, decided to go with her to some raunchy apartment and now you can’t go anywhere without a bodyguard.” He says, anger flaring in each portion of his words. “Just to fuck a hole—”

“Yes, just to fuck. What’s the issue?” Taeyong sits up at that, rubbing the damp strands of his blonde hair that cast down his forehead. “I had sex with someone, but that’s the last thing on my list of worries. She could get killed at any second—”

“And that’s none of your business.” Dongyoung finalizes for him. “She tried to kill you, too.”

Truth is, Taeyong knows that he doesn’t trust her entirely. There will always be that nagging voice inside his head…but he can also see the factual matters on his hands. She saved his life, not once but twice. And even three times. She decided to go to that damned brothel whenever the hell she pleased without taking a ‘but’ for an answer.

“She’s the reason why I’m here.” Taeyong finalizes, standing up from his bed before walking over to the mini-refrigerator in his room. He really needs a snack. “And I’m sorry for worrying about someone who basically just threw herself to a bunch of people who want to kill her.”

“You can only care about yourself, Taeyong.”

He sighs deeply, head lulling forward to rummage through the refrigerator. There, he sees a granola bar. That should do it. “I know,” He starts. “That’s what I should do, but it…I don’t know, maybe you don’t see it this way, Dongyoung, but when I have sex with someone, is because I feel a connection.”

Dongyoung raises his eyebrows. “Oh, my God—”

“What?”

“Taeyong.” Once he has stood up, his publicist takes him by the cheeks, looking into his eyes as he tries to clear his mind. “Everything is a connection when your dick is hard. That’s just how it is. Have you ever thought about anything while having sex? No. That’s because sex is not a thinking process. It wasn’t that deep.”

“Maybe, you’re right.” He says, opening the granola bar and taking a bite. “But,” He swallows, aware of how awful his voice sounds when in the midst of eating. “You just weren’t there. She could have left my ass after I cursed her over and over again, but she didn’t. That takes responsibility.”

Dongyoung lets go of him, shrugging. “So?”

“So what?”

“You’re going to a brothel, where everyone is going to recognize you and just…save her?”

Taeyong shakes his head, deep in thoughts as he munches on the snack. “I just have to figure out what is going on first. Before she does.”

That has Dongyoung cackling. “Good luck with that.” He says, picking up his phone and looking through his contacts. “For the time being, I’ll actually do my job, as you should and try to keep everything you just did under control and for fuck’s sake, if you tell me one more time that you had a connection with someone when having sex with them, I’ll be the one to cut off your balls before they get us in any more trouble.”

Sounds like business in the way Dongyoung speaks and on the rare occasion, Taeyong would have listened to his words. He knows how difficult it is to keep a career like this but…

He doesn’t listen now.

###

Smiles and waves make less mistakes, but they aren’t any truer when in front of cameras. Interviews are exactly his thing—Taeyong has rehearsed to speak in front of the public and being liked comes inherently to him. Though, ESPN had no idea just what kind of week he had when they invited him over to watch over some fights and give his commentary.

It’s good publicity and Dongyoung is practically at the verge of his seat in happiness. He only wants the best for him, Taeyong can acknowledge that, but his mind weights with the possibilities of having lost her. As in, physically, she was never his to start with. Five days have passed since the last time he saw her and if she had gone to that fucking brothel, it had already happened. For some reason, he tries to tell himself that she’s dead already; that he really, sincerely, wholeheartedly, and all words with ‘ly’ terminations should not give a fuck.

But he does.

The glide of boxing gloves and the mixture of groans fill the dense air as people cheer for the heavyweights fighting on the ring. He respects them, and would have waited to take pictures with them, bathed in blood, putting all their will into it had he not seen someone jump up from his seat to scream directly at the boxers.

It’s not the person per say that catches his attention, but who is by his side. The man screaming, void of any embarrassment, filled with vanity is none other than Eiji, his rival. Tall, with a permanent frown on his features and a long face, his black hair sleeked back with plenty of gel to show his thick eyebrows, reddened eyes, long nose and thin lips.

Women went crazy for the bad boy persona Eiji had within him, but Taeyong knows better. The man likes blood, loves the collide of his knuckles against some flesh. Eiji has the world wrapped around his finger, gets what he wants when he wants it, but he would have never thought he’d be accompanied by someone like Tori.

That Tori.

The man that almost shot him.

If the commenters know something, they don’t tell, because Taeyong rolls down his seat the slightest, munching on his fingernails out of fear. God fucking damn it, that’s a reason! Eiji hates his guts, would kill him if he had the chance, had been asking to fight with him for months but he had denied it time and time again. Who blames him? Taeyong fears the guy, that’s all he knows, but he would have never thought he’d ask—

Wait. Pause.

Taeyong tugs at Dongyoung’s sleeve, pushing his mouth to his ear when he whispers: “The man next to Eiji was the man that tried to kill me.”

Dongyoung may be too lost in the fight or in the music, because he turns to him and screams: “What did you just say?”

Sighing, the boxer repeats: “That’s Tori, the man that tried to kill me. Maybe, they weren’t going after her, they were going after me.” It makes more sense now. Tori had lied to her to help him kill him because he couldn’t have any possible straight connection to Taeyong, or couldn’t get a hold of him, so in order to avoid any extra work from him, he had asked her to join him with the excuse of doing justice. Then, she had acted upon rationality, thrown off the bullets and called it a day. Had she not done that, he wouldn’t be here…

But the issue was never with her. She’s in more danger because she saved him.

And she definitely doesn’t have any bodyguards with her, like Taeyong does…so…

It’s a matter of time before they get her, if they haven’t already.

Taeyong could assume that said statement was the case, but he couldn’t help but think she was still out there, in danger.

“Let me call the bodyguards—”

Dongyoung tries to take matters into his hands, but Taeyong stands up. “No man, we’re going to that brothel and you’re helping me get her. That’s what we’re doing.”

His publicist shakes his head widely. “Taeyong, no—”

“They were looking for me, dumbass, they weren’t looking for her. I need to…I need to make sure she’s okay.” Before Dongyoung could say anything else, he turns to the commenters, lowering his face to the two older men to speak over the bustling noises. “I’m sorry, but something came up right now, I have to go. It was a pleasure working with you.”

“Come around any other time, Taeyong!”

“You’ve got it.” When he tugs at Dongyoung sleeves, walking through the rows of people, he hears his publicist huffing.

“Do you really expect me to get inside a brothel just to look for—?”

“Yes. We have to. You can call all the bodyguards you want, but we’re going.”

Though, he swallows the fear at the pit of his stomach. It’s only a matter of time before they get to him…or even worse, Eiji could kill him on the ring himself.

### 

Hips, the place Daniel talked about is called, and while it’s covered from the police as a ‘strip-club’, she knew that it wasn’t the moment she entered three days ago.

Everyone who would look at her from afar, workers or just costumers, would think that she is, perhaps, obsessed with sex. Or that, for some reason, she was a watcher that enjoyed a few drinks, getting a glimpse of some men and women, and then she was off and away from this kind of world. A coward who couldn’t get the job done, but was just on the brink of trying it. They couldn’t be more wrong, even though she has gotten used to the place, green and violet neon lights casting down on the black room the moment she enters. I.D checked, money given, everything is under control.

And definitely, Tori has been nowhere in sight. Daniel could have confused him with anyone else named Tori, maybe someone whose real name was, indeed, Tori but she keeps trying. It’s the only clue she has left to earn the casino back. Last time she tried to enter, yesterday afternoon, bullets pierced through the armored car. Tori has fucking stolen her place, and she can’t get it back.

Not yet, at least, she has to make mends with him and sign a contract or something. She gives him what he wants, he leaves her the fuck alone.

Friends are not to be trusted. No one is, really, but when she pushes through the seas of people, women clinging onto half-naked men and men throwing money as if they were the owners of this place, she feels like she has a plan. It comes in the shape of the man that stands under the blinking, violet neon sign that reads ‘sexy boys in your area’.

Oh, cringe.

But he’s smiling at her as he nears her, taut abdomen contracting, sweet smile and innocent features changed by the darkness of his eyes, as nightly as the black strands of his hair that damply fall on his forehead when he stands in front of her.

How he isn’t sweating buckets with those leather pants? She has no clue.

“I’ve seen you around.” The sex worker says, voice soft like a blanket, extending his hand forward and she shakes it, earning sweet laughter from him. What? Was he expecting her to hold his hand or something? “I would think you really can’t be sedated, but…I think it’s pretty obvious you’re looking for someone.”

Well, pretty boy is intelligent, at least. “I am.”

“Is it your partner?” He asks, his plush lips wrapping around a softer smile. “We get plenty of husband and wives trying to mend their marriages, but it always falls down when they catch them here. If they haven’t come around, I could check the books to see if they are a regular.”

He’s not her husband. Or her boyfriend. God forbid she ever laid a finger on Tori, and the thought alone makes her want to barf, but whoever this stripper is, with love bites scattered across his neck and legs that seem to last for miles, tries to help her the best he can. “What’s your name?”

He chuckles, leaning his weight onto the wall next to her. “We don’t use real names here. I hope you don’t mind.”

“I don’t.” She mumbles, looking through the pocket of her dark denim jacket for her box of cigarettes. She lights one up at the same time that the extremely handsome worker breathes out his nickname.

Or his work-name, really. She has one of those. Jinhee does, as well. She never heard Tori’s real name.

“Woo.” Melodic voice breathing out, in what she supposes is an empathic tone, he continues his speech. “I can tell you what you need to know if you book an appointment with me.”

She quirks an eyebrow, embarrassment engulfing her. “I—I have never…”

“You don’t have to, well, we don’t have to do anything.” Woo conceptualizes, pointing in between the two of them. “I’ll take you to by assigned room, but I’ll only answer your questions.”

“How much?” She asks, lurking for her wallet to get her card out.

“Two hundred the hour.”

She has never done the walk of shame. Not even with Taeyong, but it feels like one when she pays for an hour with Woo. The man doesn’t even put on a shirt, smiling at some of the people scattered around the brothel before he opens the dark velvety door. When it closes behind them, does he actually light up the room in its soft light, a white bed in the middle of a champagne room accompanied by burning red cushions.

He goes over to the mini-bar at the corner, serving himself a cup of whiskey as he speaks. Shit, he really doesn’t look like he belongs here. He could potentially be an actor if he wanted to, one of those pretty ones in romantic comedies.

“So, what do you want to know?” Woo asks, leaning his slim frame against the mini-bar as he sips on the honey-colored whiskey.

She takes a seat on the bed, with her back properly straight, blinking at him. “Ah…” Awkwardness follows her movements, but she shakes her head. This is not the time to be embarrassed for being in a brothel. “He goes by the name Tori. He’s an associate at The Jungle, my casino. I want to know who he is working with and he’s a constant costumer around here—”

“Oh yes, he is.” Woo accepts, licking his plush lips. “One of my friends, Ice, she is the one that is usually hired by him. He’s an absolute freak…” He trails his voice, deep in thought. A tint of red washes over his face, as if somehow touched by awkwardness for what he is about to say. Definitely a paradox for a sex worker. “And loud, too. Super loud. He asks Ice to tie him up to the ceiling and—”

Her hands come up to her ears before he can continue with that mentally scarring image of Tori. Shit. “No, no, no, I want to know who he works with. That’s all.”

Woo chuckles at her antics, soft and tranquil, before he walks over to the bed. He sits next to it, laying his cheek on the mattress as he speaks. He keeps his distance, respectful of her desires above all. “I know he is part of some organized crimes. He works with a lot of people.” He says. “He brings them over here sometimes. I’ve slept with some of them.”

That’s a start. “And who is his leader?”

“I don’t hold that kind of information.” Woo utters, shrugging. “I know they go by the name ‘The Redemption’, but I’m not quite sure who is their leader. I could guess if I saw them, but I don’t know his name—”

Screams and bustle fill the air around the brothel outside, but she doesn’t pay attention to it. “Are you sure—?”

“Sir, you can’t go in there!”

“I need to get her out of here and I promise I’ll leave.”

“She’s getting services—”

“It’s nothing I haven’t seen before! Just let me in!”

The door opens in the blink of an eye and though she hasn’t spoken to him much, she saw him take Taeyong in when she dropped him off at his mansion. Kim Dongyoung is right in front of her, blinking rapidly with a frown on his features as he points his thumb outside the door.

“We need to go now. You’re not safe here.”

She stands up at those words, frowning back at him. “Dongyoung? What are you doing here?”

“I said we need to go. My…represented person is waiting for you.”

She tries to stifle her laugh. He’s really not trying to say Taeyong’s name.

“We’ll, that’s the end.” Woo finalizes, splaying himself on the bed for one second before taking another sip of his drink. He speaks to the organizer in the brothel. “Tell me when I’ll have a real client.”

“Thank you—!” She can’t say much to Woo as Dongyoung is tugging at the sleeve of her jacket, dragging her along with him as he speaks, albeit raggedly.

“I can’t believe Taeyong is saving your ass when you’re not even helping anyone. You’re out here, sleeping with someone, while he’s in danger.”

She scoffs at his words. “I wasn’t sleeping with anyone.” She defends herself. “Woo is a worker here and he offered to give me information if I paid him for the hour.”

“Yeah, whatever.” The security guard opens the door for Dongyoung, two bodyguards standing in front of the black wagon that probably had Taeyong inside. The man turns around, hair whisked by the wind as he talks to her. “I don’t care what you’re doing, I care what happens to him…because he’s my friend, and you dare get him killed or break his heart, and I’ll go after you.”

With the certainty she has had to use when being put in front of a business, she hums. “You can bet on that. I would never hurt Taeyong.”

Dongyoung nods at her words. “Then, get in the wagon. He has something to tell you.”

###

A border of silence separates them in the tinted wagon, driving through the streets thanks to the chauffeur. Even Dongyoung, who had been an avid supporter of getting his hands out of this mess, remained silent after she and Taeyong had put all the cards on the table. He’s not good at poker, but he is good at bringing the pieces of this puzzle together. Taeyong is a rational thinker, while she’s more of an act.

Eiji Watanabe, a professional boxer, up and against Taeyong, thirsty for blood and power. Tori, her former companion, who had done everything and anything to seem innocent in this situation, even to Taeyong. He must be following after her now, along with Taeyong, considering that she was the one that ruined his mission. But thinking of Eiji, at such a young age, as the leader of a group like The Redemption, a mafia or a gang whatsoever, is a little bit hard to believe.

He may be a connection, a rich kid in the way who manages to call the shots from time to time. It must be in his family, much like Tori’s family was involved in that kind of thing, from a higher hierarchy that Tori fearing what he could do, or following after his steps. Thus, she has to make Taeyong believe Eiji is not entirely the culprit behind this, but he is one of those spoiled rich men with power who decide that disliking someone is enough of a reason to murder.

She sighs, looking over to the side but she can’t see much from the city with those tinted windows. Not to say she doesn’t fear, but she has to say this: “I’ll go my own way. Stay out of your lane.” She concludes. Truth be told, she always thought death wasn’t going to come—she expected it, said she didn’t fear it, claimed life as more difficult than death, but now that it palpitates on her tongue, bleeds its taste onto the muscle, she can’t help but be frightened by the idea her eyes close and they stop working altogether, along with the rest of her body.

“Fucking finally.” Dongyoung says, lifting his hands in the air as if his prayers had been heard. “Can we call the police now, too?”

“Bad publicity, remember.” Taeyong replies to Dongyoung, folding the sleeves of his white button down up to his elbows before sighing deeply. Everything about him looks expensive now, and she can’t help but study his otherwise dulcet features bathed in worry. It should have never gone like this for him. “So, Eiji is trying to kill me…and Tori is trying to kill you.”

“Yes.” She adds, between a chuckle. “I shouldn’t have—It’s all my fault. If I hadn’t…if I hadn’t just seduced you—”

“But you did. I could have said no, too.” Taeyong explains, spreading his palm over his chest, right atop his heart. “I could’ve just not had a one-night stand, but I did. We did. And I can’t simply let you die because you think this is all your fault.”

“I knew what was going to happen. It is my fault.”

“We can’t point fingers between each other.” He says, finishing the sentence with her name. As egotistic as it sounds, she loves how he rolls the name off his tongue. “We’re dealing with something bigger here. You have to get your casino back and Tori was probably the one behind her death—”

She acknowledges that, but she can’t quite put all her worries on Taeyong. “For the same reason, I should leave. You don’t know how long it will take until I get my casino back.”

“Well, it will take however long has to take, but you will.” Even when he is trying to sound certain, she can see a bit of nervousness in his eyes, biting on his nail before huffing. “What I’m trying to say is that you can stay at my mansion, with bodyguards, with me until you figure it all out. He’s right behind you and I can’t live with the weight of knowing I let someone die.”

Dongyoung widens his eyes from his spot, straightening his back on the seat. “We never a—agreed to that.”

“Dongyoung…”

“I don’t want to be any trouble.” She says, but Taeyong leans forward, taking her hands in between his when he retaliates:

“You’re already enough trouble. I think I can get used to it.”

Her throat dries up at those words, thinking and pondering of her place, perhaps surrounded by workers of Tori and how she almost got killed at the casino. There is nowhere else to go, so she responds:

“Okay, I’ll stay with you for the time being, but I’ll protect you, as well. Consider me another bodyguard.”

“Shit.” Dongyoung says once he sees the two smiling at each other. “Am I painted on the wall or do you guys just decide not to listen to me?!”

###  

Awakening in Taeyong’s place tells her one thing: This is not a mansion, it’s a damned palace.

Now, now, owning a casino has given her enough to live a good life. Lavish, surely, but she has always been a bit uptight with money, but even as she gets out of the door that Taeyong had lent her, she gets a bit lost in between the gray walls and modern decorations. Everything pristinely put, as if scared of being touched, and she doesn’t even let her fingertips roam the walls properly while going down the set of stairs. Could’ve used the elevator, but she decided against feeling like the crazy, neat-freak scientist in murder movies today.

She gets to the kitchen, cladded in Taeyong’s sweatpants and a t-shirt that only now she realizes reads his nickname in boxing. It’s classical, a black t-shirt with an outline of him in white that reads “The New Boy”. Well, not so new anymore. Taeyong is on the verge of reaching the highest point of his career.

And she had to come and ruin it all.

Just as she’s reaching for the bottle of orange juice, she hears someone entering the kitchen. She stands up far too quickly, nerves on edge as she takes the Coca Cola bottle next to the orange juice, shakes it three times before she points it at the culprit in question.

Whom she sees is far different from what she imagined. Taeyong stands there, hair recently washed, his white t-shirt three times his size, lifting up his taut abdomen.

“Get close to me or I’ll…shoot…you…” Her voice grows weaker with the passage of time, staring at Taeyong with widened eyes before the man chuckles, lowering his hands altogether.

“With a Coca Cola bottle?”

She scoffs. “A shaken Coca Cola bottle. Whoever decided to attack me would have learned his lesson.”

“I can imagine, but don’t you have a gun?” Taeyong asks, running his fingers through his hair and keeping the hand there. Even at the peak of the morning, seven to be exact, he shines the brightest. Never had she seen a man hold so much beauty beneath him.

Her eyebrows raise at his statement. “I don’t point my gun around at everyone, you know?”

“Hard to believe.” The first thing he does is move the coffee machine out of its confines, the scent of fresh coffee beans taking over the kitchen. Shit. How long has it been since she has felt the smell of home? With fresh food, accompaniment, someone else’s perfume lingering in the air. “Either way,” He whispers, raising his voice the slightest to sound cute. Where were people like him in her part of the world? Where everything is wicked and broken. “I brewed you some coffee. Wasn’t sure if you’d like it, so I went all out with breakfast.” He opens the oven then, turned off, taking out the leftovers of what he had prepared. Still lukewarm. “Hot cakes,” He points to each thing he prepared. “With honey and cinnamon, spongey scrambled eggs and sliced avocado.”

“You didn’t have to—” But Taeyong is already settling the plate of food on the counter, and serving her a mug of coffee.

“There are sliced fruits in the fridge. I was going to pair them up with oatmeal, but I wasn’t sure if you’d like it.” He looks up then, placing the mug in between her fingers before rubbing the back of his neck. “Soonhwan tells me I’m an old man on the inside for liking oatmeal.”

She chuckles, taking a sip of what may compete with the best cafés in town. It’s not too sugary, with droplets of chocolate on its taste, dulcet but with some kind of spice that has her humming. “Oh my God—” She brings her hand up her mouth, savoring the taste. “You made this?”

“I like cooking. And coffee. I used to work at my grandma’s bakery when I was young.” Taeyong is rummaging through the cabinets, getting a fork and a knife out before moving towards the kitchen. “Let me look for the fruit so you can start eating—”

“Taeyong.” She calls out, voice clear as day. Her face is heated, perhaps with embarrassment. “I almost got you killed and you’re acting like a prince? You can’t do that.”

He lifts his head, half-covered by the fridge’s door, before he says: “This is called being an average roommate, who wants you to feel welcome and safe.”

She shakes her head, chuckling when he takes a plate of fruit out, placing another fork inside before he settles all meals on the kitchen island. Taking her mug with her, she takes a seat on the stool Taeyong has dragged for her. “No.” She concludes. “This is…this is madness, Taeyong. No one has ever treated me like this.”

Taeyong looks at her, raising his eyebrows for a brief second as he internalizes the words. Shit. She shouldn’t have opened her big mouth, so she tries to stifle it with some of the food he prepared for her.

“No one…has ever treated you well?” He asks, only to have her laughing, trying to cover it all.

“Taeyong, don’t listen to my stupid sad shit—”

“That’s not an answer.” But he is a prier, curious in his own way, and she has to sigh, biting down on her lip when she picks at the avocado.

Her life flashes in front of her. Happiness, then not. A smile, then a frown. It was never consistent. Never solid. Never planned or thought out. She wholeheartedly believed in high-highs and low-lows. “Life is more difficult for some people,” She says, slicing through the avocado and putting it inside her mouth. “And I just happened to never meet nice people to help me make life better.”

He wraps his hands around the edge of the island, sighing. “Then, why don’t you leave it?”

Curious, she tilts her head to the side, connecting her gaze with his. No longer are his eyes mirrors. They will never be for her, when she sees him as…as perfection itself. With some mistakes, sure, but far more simplistic than anything she had ever seen. “Leave what?”

“The Jungle.” He instructs, and she smiles at his words, shaking her head. “I’m serious. If it has only brought you stress, leave it. It’s not worth it. You could be a nice person—”

“Yong,” She interrupts, voice tiny, looking down at her hands before humming. “One day, you have your friend by your side and she’s drunk. She’s so drunk her eyes roll back and she’s laughing at everything she says, but something gets serious in her. So serious…that she can’t believe it herself. She says to you that the day she dies, she wants you to take charge of her place, her dream, the only thing she considered worth living for.” The images of Allegra fill her brain once again. Friendship was never the same; and for a reason. Tori betrayed her, and Allegra proved to be the only person she could trust in at the end. “…And then, you see her dead and her last breath is given in your arms. She’s fragile, broken, and…and she’s looking at you. She’s dead but her eyes are open and the only thing you can think of is that you want all her dreams to come true.” She lifts her gaze then, looking at him. “She saved me, but I never got to save her…and this is my only chance to prove that she was my realest friend.”

The doors to the kitchen swish open at that moment, a man with a husky voice, well above Taeyong’s age, says into the thin air: “Atta boy, we need to practice for—” His voice loses itself when she looks over her shoulder, connecting her gaze with whom she can only guess is Soonhwan. Old, with soft features, and a nose so crooked from so much fighting that it almost touches his cheek. “Oh, look at who we have here. Main character of the decade—”

“Soonhwan…” Taeyong threatens, voice low, though never scary. “Don’t become a Dongyoung, she’s…she has saved me enough times for me to pay back.”

“I’m not saying a thing.” Soonhwan says, running his fingers over his lips as if he was zipping his mouth up. “I’m just saying: Nice to meet you. I’ve heard…plenty from you. I don’t know what to believe for the moment, but we’ll figure it out.”

He’s candid, sincere, in the way he extends his hands and shakes hers. She can only bring herself to nod. “I’ll do my best to protect your boy.”

His eyes trail down to the logo on her shirt. “If only all fans spoke like you…” He trails, letting go of her hand to wrap his arm around Taeyong’s shoulder. The man shrinks like a boy being embarrassed in front of his crush by his old and jokester dad. “Now, if you’ll excuse us, not all of us are lucky enough to know how to use a gun and I have to prepare my boy for the fight.”

Taeyong sighs. “Yeah…”

“Seventeen days from now. We’re going strong for that fight.”

She continues to eat, shrugging her shoulders. “Suit yourselves. I’ll be here…thinking about dinner recipes and…how to make them and not fuck them up in the process.” She points at the plate with her fork. “This is too good to compete with, but if I’m staying here, we have to make an arrangement.”

“Arrangement?” Taeyong questions, confused.

“You make breakfast, I make dinner.”

Soonhwan whistles at that. “Well, I better start living here if that’s the case.”

“Soonhwan!” Taeyong nudges his side, earning breathy laughs from Soonhwan.

“Let’s go, kid. It’s getting late and we need to train.”

With that, he’s gone, leaving her with a trail of his scent and a taste of his immaculate cooking skills.

Dinner time is going to be difficult for her.

###  

Seven days until the fight and Taeyong’s nerves are up the roof. The media has started to go crazy, publicity at its peak, Dongyoung the busiest he has ever been and his eyes are reddened from the lack of sleep. He spends most of his time practicing, with the usual break for a meal or a chat with…well, her.

It’s eleven at night when his phone is no longer as interesting as it should and he decides to go to the gym, get some punches on and practice a bit more. Though, once he slides the doors open, he is met by the sound of groaning and rubber hitting against rubber. His sturdiest punching bag, in a bright red color through the gray walls, stands out when she collides her fists against them, covered by his fighting gloves that move around her hands thanks to her ignorance in not knowing how to put them on.

The door closes behind him, but she’s too immersed in whatever consumes her, sweat pooling at her forehead, sporting her pajamas as she knocks and knocks against the punching bag. They are weak punches, but filled with rage, trying her hardest to bend something stronger than her to her will. As though she wants power again, but she’s unable to receive it.

“You’re going to hurt yourself.” Taeyong says, moving over to her to take the punching bag in between his fingers. She looks at him, hands misplaced in front of her, one over the other, as she tries to land another punch. Upon trying to smile at her, she doesn’t.

“What is there to it?” She asks, voice low, void of any hope, ridden by impatience. “If I hurt myself, what’s there to it? I have nothing else to lose.”

Her right fist lifts up at that, a groan ripping through her throat when she punches the bag again. Taeyong widens his eyes, shaking his head in the process. “Whoa, whoa, whoa. What just happened?” Though, worry only glimmers on him when he sees her drop to her knees, taking off his gloves and tossing them to the side when she brings her hands up to her eyes, folding onto herself as a sob escapes her. “Hey…”

He rushes towards her, taking her in between his arms as he tries to get a glimpse of his face. Her hold is strong, covering every ounce of pain on her features.

“Let go, Taeyong.”

“Not when you’re like this.” Taeyong whispers, resting his chin on top of her head as he hears her crying in his arms. His heart is broken, and he doesn’t even know why. He’s captured in this mansion, aware of his surroundings, because of her, isn’t it? Somehow, his mind can’t quite believe that she wasn’t another little card played in a game of poker, but they both lost. “W—What happened? I can’t help you if you don’t…if you don’t tell me. Oh God, please stop crying—”

She doesn’t, but she rubs at her eyes, lifting her gaze to connect her eyes with his own once he pulls away from her. Not enough to let go of her, but to look at her instead.

“I’ve lost it all, Taeyong.” She says, shaking her head when her lip trembles. She bites it before another sob could leave her. “I’ve lost my friend, the casino, my apartment, my life. Taeyong, how can I protect you when I have nothing else to lose? I don’t see a way out of this mess Tori created for me—”

Taeyong shakes his head, using his thumbs to rub the tears away. “You haven’t lost everything.” For some reason, he finds his body gravitating towards her, his nose resting on the side of her face as he takes in a breath, rubbing his skin with her own when a shaky sigh leaves her. “You haven’t lost me. I’m your friend. I’m here. You’ve proved yourself trusty enough—”

“You’re not mine to lose, Taeyong.” She repeats, shaking her head. “I can’t be your friend. I haven’t lost you yet, Taeyong. They’re still looking for you and you’re getting in that ring looking to—” Her arms push him away, obstinate in the way she rests a hand against her forehead. “Looking to get killed, Taeyong. Eiji is going to murder you.”

Taeyong denies that with a little smile of his own. “That’s the risk of being a boxer. A punch could always be a little bit too strong—”

“No, Yong, he’s looking to kill you. I investigated him, Taeyong, he’s killed someone on the ring—”

“What can I do?” He asks, though never does he lift his voice or accuse her of anything. A feather in the way he reaches out for her and once again, takes her in with those eyes of his. “I can’t back out. I can’t do that now when I’m just one step away from reaching what I have worked so hard for.”

His ambition has blinded him, or maybe, she is just a coward while he has been the real hero all along. “Right.” She whispers, reaching a hand out to cradle his face before a grin takes over her features. “Taeyong?”

“Mhm?” He hums, eyelashes fluttering against the underside of his eyes.

“I will never have enough words to tell you how sorry I am for getting you into this. For using your punching bag, too.” She tells, earning laughter from him as he helps her up.

“I was just worried you’d injure yourself. Bad punches and with the gloves not put on correctly? An equation to broken knuckles.”

“Oh, because you’re an expert in broken knuckles.” She jokes around, only to have him nodding.

“You’d be surprised to know that I am quite knowledgeable in the subject.” Though, his warm hands reach for her own as he puts the gloves on her, palming her hands together to make sure they are tightly put. “Come on, I’m going to teach you how to land a good punch.”

###  

Her favorite part of the entire mansion is the balcony. The railings are modern, straight lines and no curves, but the coldness of it when she wraps her fingers around it, the breeze swooshing at her hair has her closing her eyes. For once, the world feels okay. It’s quiet, peaceful, she’s back in square one. No judgement, no time, nothing to worry about.

But she has things to worry about. Twenty-four hours until the fight. An entire day filled with images of what she has made her mind into. She opens her eyes then, hearing the doors of the balcony slide open until she feels someone placing a cold glass against her skin. She hisses, turning around to capture the cause of the shiver and pain that rakes up her skin, but when she wraps her hand around Taeyong’s wrist, he’s already smiling.

No, he’s chuckling, like a goddamned child on a Christmas morning before he waves the glass of iced tea in front of her face. “I’ve got you and I’ve got you good.” He says, now resting it against her cheek when she tries to reach out for it again. It burns, that’s for sure.

“Taeyong!” She scolds, even when he continues laughing, almost choking on his own iced tea when he takes a sip to ease his laughter. It doesn’t work, clearly, and she has to pat his back to get him to stop coughing, eyes brimmed with tears when he looks up at her. “Jesus, why did you drink the tea if you were laughing?”

“I…I…was…” He coughs again, chuckling when he straightens his back and looks at her, rubbing his tears again. “I was being stupid.” His voice comes out hoarse, but that’s all his doing.

“I could tell.” She replies, but a little giggle makes its way through her lips. This is probably the last time she is going to see him like this, and she can’t help but feel a little tug at her heart. The past few weeks have been tranquil, perfect in their own way, and she knows better than to get attached…but she has never had a friend like this. “So, Yong.” He repeats her name, only to have her taking a sip of the tea. “You prepared for tomorrow?”

The question almost sounds like she is asking herself, but she ignores it, concentrating on the way Taeyong nods. “I am.” She hums, turning around to continue to look at the moonshine and the dangling stars, but just as she takes in a breath, she feels his presence behind her, resting one hand on her hair to ruffle it softly. “Thank you for making dinner all these days. It was tasty.”

“Tasty?” She questions, looking over her shoulder to see him a bit too close. His eyes look down at her lips, parting his own, shimmered by the glistening lights of the city around them. Too far to see them. “It was average at best.”

“It was made with intent. That’s all that matters.” He whispers, resting one of his arms on the side of her body, hooking his fingers on the railing before taking a sip of his drink. The sinful way his throat goes up and down and he licks his lips after has her cursing herself internally. “You know, I really thought you were going to be one of the best people I would ever meet. Then, you were the worst. And then, you came out to be…”

“The worst, again?”

“Human. You’re neither too good nor too bad. You’re real.” Taeyong says, his breath fanning over her face when he looks into her eyes. “A friend of mine once told me that I had to inspect people’s eyes to know if they were lying or not. I had to see myself in them, but I could never see me in yours. I could only see…see you, you giving it your all to make sure I was okay.” He mumbles, and she feels her heart being stepped on, tugged, eaten alive just at his words. His body pushes forward, his abdomen contorting to her back when he leans down, lips caressing her own. “And I want to be able to thank you—”

He places the glass down on the table next to them, his cold fingertips melting against her stomach when he brings her back, pressing his lips against her own. His slim body molds to hers perfectly, as if made to fit her, and for a moment, she stays there, with her chin placed over her shoulder as she kisses him with fervor. It feels right, to have the wet glide of his lips against her own, tongues getting to know each other and he lets out a soft breath.

But that’s the thing. Taeyong is soft, dulcet, tranquil. He’s made for all the good in the world, and she’s in the bad. As much as her heart wants to glimmer gold, it’s tainted in black. She pushes herself away from him, taking in a deep breath when he looks into her eyes. There is nothing that she desires more than to kiss him, but—

“It’s better if we don’t.” She mumbles, and he stays quiet for a few seconds before pushing himself away from her.

“You didn’t want to? Oh shit, I didn’t mean to—”

“I want to, Taeyong. I’d kiss you forever if I could.” She replies, turning around until her back is resting against the railing. “I would love to have you kissing me silly and be with you but—”

“But?” Taeyong asks, raising his eyebrows.

“But from tomorrow on, I won’t be with you.” Though, she shortens the real reason. “I don’t…want you to think I’m a good person, that underneath me is all the good in the world. I’ve hung out with the wrong people and no I have to learn how to deal with that. I can’t fill your life with that bullshit. Not anymore.”

Taeyong crosses his arms over his chest, staring off into the city, his hair tied behind his back to put his gorgeous face in full display. “So, tomorrow you will leave?”

“I’ll make sure I leave everything organized so they never bother you again.” She moves over to him, splaying her hands on his chest, rolling them backwards until they rest on his back and she tugs him for a hug. She doesn’t want him to see the tears that gather in her eyes when she says: “And as long as you’re okay, that’s all I could care about. You’ll get over it, Taeyong, but I could never get over losing you.”

Taeyong nuzzles his nose against her neck, breathing in deeply before the warmth of his mouth lets out a few words: “Why couldn’t it have been easier for us?”

The possibilities are endless, but she fights back the tears and pulls away to say a truth she doesn’t want to accept. “Because we were never meant to be, Taeyong.” With that, she takes the glass she had left on the side, taking a sip before humming. “So, care to watch a movie with me before everything goes to hell?”

He nods. “There’s nothing I’d love more.”

### 

As it turns out, the lights on top of the ring burn against his skin, compared to the flashes and the cheers that come with the people surrounding him. For once, he feels naked, as if reborn again, with his shirt off and his knuckles well prepared for a good punches, his hair pushed away from his face and his eyes directly set onto Eiji.

The man practically oozed confidence the moment he entered the ring. Tall, sturdy, ready to take over the world, with his prize wrapped around his waist before he unhooks it and shows it to the world. He even manages to throw some laughter Taeyong’s way, teeth clattering and eyes throwing daggers by the time they hook their gazes.

But he knows something…and that is that he has a family, away from the one that is obviously watching him from home. He has his staff, including Soonhwan and Dongyoung at the corner, waiting for him, rubbing Vaseline on his skin just in case something goes wrong with a wound and they prepared for him, confectioned each muscle on his body to be in his best shape.

He jumps in place a few times, hearing the introductions of both the fighters and the referee, the judges themselves, as well, and his mind suddenly goes to one of the people in the crowd.

Her.

She’s there.

And somehow, that makes him feel better. It relaxes him, because while he had once thought of boxing as a game of the body, it includes the mind too. When he steps forward, face to face with Eiji as he sports that infamous grin of his, that people somehow don’t notice is far more malicious than intended, he sees himself in those eyes. They are so different, yet he can see the determination in his own features, his blonde head of hair, the preparation of his body.

And he can see that he wants to win, for all he put him through. For all she had to lose just because of him.

So, the first punch lands in the weakest point he can muster, hearing cheers from the world around him, bleeding around his ears. Taeyong’s pulse quickens and he tries to take it easy. Life is a game of poker and all his cards have been spread, but now more than ever, he wants to win. Not to be the champion, though that would be a plus, but because he caused him pain, real pain, and that’s not how this sport works.

He’s back on square one, when he had to defend the bakery against those robbers, so even when punches land on his face and body, he manages to dodge them—or some of them, really—.

Somewhere in the crowd, he’ll show her that there is nothing more she should worry about.

### 

It’s time to say goodbye.

As she moves through the groups of people in the crowd, excusing herself along the way, with her heart roaring to the sound of the people around her cheering. Taeyong is doing good. Too good, and pride swells at her chest, as well as fear. She knows what Eiji is capable of, but when she sees Tori in the front row, a bottle of beer snugly kept in place by his fingers, she knows that her plan will be executed to perfection.

All Eiji wants is money and power. As long as one of the people that got in his way is killed and he gets his money, he is okay. That, along with causing Taeyong pain, is more than what he could ever ask for. It’s the kind of mentality that comes with dictators, an eye for an eye, and maybe, she’ll snatch both out if that means just getting out of this mess. Protecting him, above all, from a bullet through the chest. From what happened to Allegra because of Tori’s fucking loans.

Her hand splays on top of his shoulder, freezing when he looks at her from over his shoulder, his mussy hair falling over his now disgusting face. “Long time no see, friend.”

His surprise doesn’t last long, the corner of his lips lifting up in a smile. “Likewise.” He turns around then, jutting his chin forward. “Want to take this outside and talk?”

“I think we can talk here.” She crosses her arms across her chest, kneeling down just in case the people behind her start arguing about her position. Her eyes connect to Tori’s, a harsh sigh leaving her lips. “I know what you’ve been meaning to do and I know you work for Eiji, but I have something I want you to tell your boss.”

Tori shakes his head, trying to play dumb. “I don’t know what you’re—”

“You can take my casino. It’s all yours now. Take all the money that you will from my bank accounts, but don’t touch Taeyong. Do not lay a single finger on one of his hairs, because I’ll make sure to haunt you down if you don’t follow through.” And maybe, she’s a one-woman club, but she knows that someone like him doesn’t deserve half of the shit he has been put through. “…You can take me instead of him. Kill me. Rob me. Whatever the fuck you want to do. I will work for you if that’s what Eiji wants, but he can’t touch Taeyong. That’s my part of the business.”

Tori remains silent for a few seconds, the ring of the bell catching him out of his thoughts before he hums. “Okay, I’ll talk to the boss.” He says, tugging at her arm and placing her by his side before sighing. “This could’ve been easier if only Allegra had not decided to change her testament on the last minute, you know?”

He takes a sip of his beer and she scoffs at his words. “What do you mean?”

“I would’ve paid all my loans had she kept on her word and left everything under my name. That was the plan, killing her and paying Eiji’s family, but you had to come around and ruin it all.” The sound of his voice brings a shiver down his spice, looking down at his hands, the same ones that had killed her friend. “I gave you another chance and I was going to kill you once you got to the office, but you had to ruin everything, right? Stab me in the back and all.”

All the pain, the questioning, the mysteriousness, had all fallen down on him. How could she not have noticed? “That makes two of us.” She repeats, throwing her head back when she sees Tori stand up. “Wait, what—?”

“Come with me.” He instructs, extending his hand. “You have to leave The Jungle under my name and I’ll leave you with the Watanabe’s on the way there.”

Her eyes close tightly. There was no way of getting out of this legally, so she had to result to this. Maybe, if the world is fair, she won’t have to die today.

So, she grasps the hand of the man that killed her friend, stabbed her in the back and brought Taeyong into her life only to pluck him away at the same time, and decides to put all her hope in destiny.  

Or mercy, really.

###

Eleven months later.

A beauty blender presses against his skin, cameras pointed directly to his face as he looks up at the ceiling. The makeup artist is trying to get to his dark circles, ever-present ever since he earned the title of worldwide light featherweight champion, but he is also taking this time to think. Rehearse over his lines for the interview, try not to get lost in his thoughts, feel proud of the place he finds himself in.

But he feels guilty, instead. Eleven months ago, he had been stupid enough to leave her on that crowd, on her own, gone to God-knows-where, doing God-knows-what and definitely not alive. Taeyong has perpetrated this inside his brain, that there is no way in hell she was alive. Maybe, one of Eiji’s men took her, or she tried to win a fight on her own, but he is certain of one thing: All the riches around him, the success, the life that he is living comes from the fact that she had given up something for him. To keep him safe.

They could have been great friends. Hell, maybe, if things had been different for them during that one-night stand, he would have asked for her number and they’d pose for pictures together, be the envy and the gossip of magazines, but that didn’t happen. Instead, he’s seated on a leather seat, cladded on a black turtleneck and matching pants, with his hair now dyed deep brown as the makeup artist tries to smile at him.

“Your eyes shine a lot, sir.” She says, a small giggle leaving her lips as she pushes the beauty blender away from his face.

Taeyong tries to smile, he really does, but he has heard those words before. Not from fans, not from family, but from her. Those were one of the first few conversations they had and it’s stupid of him to keep clinging to that. They weren’t Bonnie and Clyde or Romeo and Juliet. They were two fairytales, far too realistic, that interfered in each other’s stories but were never meant to end up together.

“So, I’ve heard.” Taeyong replies, but just before the makeup artist could say anything else, Dongyoung comes sprinting into the studio, trying to catch his breath as he splays his hands on his thighs. “Dongyoung, what happened?”

His nerves have been on the line ever since what happened. Always wary. Always careful. Not everyone was good, he had learned, but sometimes, the bad holds some of its past with it. The publicist lifts his gaze, waving a letter in front of him when he spits out: “You got mail. This is important.”

He has never seen Dongyoung this preoccupied, or this excited at the same time. Taeyong frowns, taking the card in between his fingers before touching the signature at the back of the envelope. That’s when his heart picks up, seeing her real name—not boss, not the nickname she used, but the one she had given him instead. The person he knew.

But no, it couldn’t be. She had to be dead.

Impatience and ignorance makes him open the envelope far too quickly, ripping it to get to the letter, signed only two weeks ago.

Dear Taeyong,

I know you probably curse at the sound of my name by now, or that you hate me. I don’t blame you. I hated me to certain extent, too. I only learned how to grow easy with myself after what I did and here I am.

How’s life? I know you won’t be able to reply to me, but from where I am—in some island that I shouldn’t be telling you about—, I get to see some glimpses of you on TV. I’m glad you’re doing great and that you’re successful. I hope you get to meet someone to be by your side in all those interviews, but that’s only if you want…you have always been whole just on your own.

I wanted to pretend I was dead. I thought it was easier for you, but it’s not easier for me. I expected to die that night I gave myself to The Redemption but no, Eiji’s family wanted me to keep working for them. They said to never communicate with you, but the more I saw you on TV as I travelled around the world, the more I hoped I would have been able to say my proper goodbyes.

I’m a mule. Not an animal, I just deliver…things around. Things I shouldn’t be talking about in a letter that your management will probably read, but I was just clarifying in case you didn’t know. I’m working for them, and it’s not easy, but it’s what had to be done. They would have killed you instead, I know they would have.

And I wouldn’t have been able to take it. Not you, Taeyong. Not the only person I had left that I could trust.

Allegra once told me that I had to start to trust people. I trusted her, I trusted Tori, but I never learned what was real trust until I met you, Taeyong. I know now what she felt…what she wanted…she only wanted be me to be safe, and I wanted the same for you.

I get a feeling only good things will come your way now that I’m not around, so hold tight. This is only the first ride to success.

Much love and all the hugs and kisses I never managed to give you.

She ends it with her name, and Taeyong has to look up to stop the tears that gathered in his vision. Still, he blinks them away, reading the letter over and over again before holding it closely to his chest. Dongyoung doesn’t take it, thankfully, and he relishes on the feeling of knowing she is okay. She is alive.

Not living the life she deserved, but breathing nonetheless.

“Are you ready, Mr. Lee?” The interviewer asks, taking a seat on the couch across from him as he looks down at his notes. “I’m a huge fan of you. I’m sure you don’t mind some extra questions.”

“I don’t.” He smiles. If there is one thing he has to do is succeed.

For him.

For his family.

For his friends.

For her, for giving the casino and her freedom away just to have him succeed.

Little does she know he would never curse her name, not when she’s the bravest person he has ever met, and that comes from someone who does boxing for a living.

[retvenkos]

amends pt. 7 // ricky bowen

High School Musical: The Musical: The Series - Slow Burn Ricky Bowen x Stage Manager!Reader Fic. Summary: That’s asking a lot of the theatre gods. Then again, it does include a lot of drama, so maybe it might just work out. pt. 1 // pt. 2 // pt. 3 // pt. 4 // pt. 5 // pt. 6 // pt. 7 // pt. 8 // pt. 8.5-ish // pt. 9 //  unfinished

You hated to say it, you really did, but maybe Miss Jen almost losing her job was just what the show needed. You looked around at everyone in rehearsal, and for the first time since this seemingly cursed production started, could smile.

Kourtney was matching the blue boa for “Bop To The Top” to the set decorations (which were finished weeks before opening night - the first time in high school theatre history!), Miss Jen was helping Gina and E.J. get the dynamics for their characters correctly, Carlos was leading Ricky and Nini through the choreography for “Breaking Free,” and they cast was clicking. The leads looked like friends, again. Close friends that would band together to save their dying show; close friends that joke with each other about things that had happened in the past without digging up skeletons in the closet. What you noticed most of all, though, was how Ricky absolutely beamed.

“So, months later, is the musical finally the escape I promised it would be?” You slowly ambled toward Ricky as the song ended. You tried your hardest to come off as cool and casual, but the butterflies in your stomach were bruising your ribcage and they slammed into it, full force - a development that you couldn’t decide whether it was something you hated or loved.

Ricky laughed good-naturedly at your comment and you felt your heart swell with pride. “Well, being an East High Wildcat is definitely different than being and East High Leopard-” Ricky cut himself off to catch a water bottle that Nini tossed to him, “-although neither is terrible at the moment.”

You nodded happily at his words. Everything was coming together - it really was. “And being Ricky? How’s that going?” You were careful with your choice of words, but your tone was light, as though it was nothing.

Ricky capped his water bottle thoughtfully, the ghost of a smile on his lips. You did your best not to stare, but with each passing day, your efforts had to be stronger for the same result. Luckily, Ricky was too lost in his thoughts to notice. “Well, I’ve made amends with Nini,” you both nodded and when he looked at you, his eyes were soft, “and I’ve moved on from her too.”

“Really?” You hated yourself for the hope that snuck into your words. How pathetic could you be? “I mean, that’s huge!”

“Yeah,” Ricky laughed sheepishly, averting his eyes. “I, uh, had a talk with Gina on the night of Homecoming. She helped me realize a couple of things.” He looked back up at you, the corners of his mouth pulling ever so slightly upward. You looked into his deep brown eyes and were trapped.

They were particularly lustrous under the stage lights, and even though they were full of hope there was something fearful in them - almost as though he was afraid to be exposed for too long. They crinkled sweetly in the corners from the smile that had started to break out on his face.

It occurred to you after a moment that you had been looking too long, but when you tried to find words to disrupt the moment, nothing came to mind. Part of you was glad; if you could stay here for the rest of your life, you would be happy.

The ping of your phone interrupted the moment.

You saw Ricky blink twice and you muttered an apology sheepishly as you tugged it out of your jeans pocket.

from: red (4:37 p.m.) If you keep looking at him I am going to gag and fall off the catwalk.

Your face was suddenly full of heat. You cursed under your breath and turned to Ricky. “It’s Big Red - he needs help with the lights.” Ricky nodded, downing another water bottle. “Keep up the good work!” You shot him a thumbs up before running off to where the ladders were.

Yes, Big Red was aware of your not-so-secret crush on Ricky. Honestly, it was a miracle that he hadn’t spilled her secret yet. And the number of looks he shot your way when the three of you were hanging out? You would kill him if he wasn’t a vital part of stage crew. He killed it on the soundboard.

“Are you going to try and out me every time Ricky and I are together?” You crawled across the catwalk, careful not to hit your head on any of the low hanging lights above you. Big Red turned his head toward you as you came closer, the biggest Cheshire grin on his face.

“I think you’re quite capable of doing that yourself.” You slapped his arm playfully with one of your gloves, careful not to compromise the position he was - moving the light to illuminate the center of the stage. “But honestly, you should just go for it!”

You scoffed and tilted the light a bit, trying to get his mind back on task. Big Red just looked at you momentarily before rolling his eyes. “Maybe I will,” you mumbled under your breath. From your vantage point, you could see Ricky below, practicing his lines with E.J. They were still a little stiff together, but Ricky was comfortable enough to pat him on the back as he laughed at one of “Chad’s” lines. A smile crossed your face as you watched him.

“Y’know, some might consider that stalking.” You scowled at Big Red and he smiled innocently.

“Just you wait until you have a crush. I’m going to make it hell for you.” Big Red laughed at your scowl.

“That’ll be the day.”

…

“Hey, E.J.?” You jogged to catch up with the tall senior, and he turned at the sound of his name. You bit your lip nervously. “Um… What’s going on in rehearsal? You don’t seem to have the positivity you used to.”

He looked around the backstage area as if he was trying to find a way out. You sighed. When Miss Jen had asked you to confront E.J. about his ‘lack of enthusiasm,’ you weren’t too jazzed either. But it was your job as a stage manager - and you knew it was for the better of the whole production.

“Yeah, well it’s hard to be positive when your world is crumbling around you,” his words were flat - not because he didn’t care, but because he was tired of pretending. “Nini hates me, and half of the cast won’t talk to me.”

“Hey,” you tried to catch his eyes, which were now glued to the floor. “I know some stuff has gone down these last couple weeks-” E.J. laughed incredulously and you shrugged a bit, “-but that doesn’t mean you can’t change. And don’t worry about Nini or the cast - worry about you. Once you start being better, Nini is going to come around. So will the rest of the cast. I promise.” E.J. looked at you hopefully and you gave him a reassuring smile. “We need you, E.J., don’t forget that.”

E.J. muttered a thank you before turning and walking out. You sighed, tipping your head back to look up at the ceiling. Even when things were getting better, there was still damage control that needed to be done.

“How does it feel being a personal therapist to 40 angsty teenagers?” Gina’s voice cut through the silent room and startled you a bit. You turned around to find her leaning against the set piece for the New Year's Eve party, her signature grin on her face.

You laughed and she chuckled softly as you walked towards her. “Yeah, well at least I never have to worry about you.” You smile good-naturedly and she forced a smile back. “At least one person on the cast has it all together.”

Gina let out an exasperated sigh and you could already feel yourself start to regret your choice of words. “Looks can be deceiving sometimes.” You looked at her and noticed something almost sad in her eyes.

“Is everything okay?” Your voice was little more than a whisper, but she heard it.

“It will be.” Her face hardened with every word. “I just… can’t get attached, y’know?” She smiled sadly at you and you nodded silently.

“See you later, Gina.” The woman in question held up a hand in farewell as you walked out. You turned around before you officially left and watched her look fondly at the sets around her. There was something sad in her movements, something that lent to the fact that there was something else happening.

You grabbed your phone out of your pocket, contemplating what to do for a moment. With a decisive nod of your head, you pressed Ricky’s contact and listened to the phone ring as you left the school.

“(N/n)?”

taglist:

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[amphtaminedreams]

A/W 2020 Fashion Month & Top 20 Collections: Before Vogue Went Blank (Part 4)

Hi all,

Welcome to part 4! It’s gonna be a bit of a shorter one because I wasn’t sure if I could fit the last few collections into my part 3 since I also want to include a ranking of my favourite F/W20 shows. I have so many ideas for what I’d like my next few posts to be (there’ll probably be a bit of gap between them as I would like to try and get some fiction writing in too) and I need help and recommendations on one post in particular so I thought I’d open by explaining that if anyone would like to send me suggestions! The post is basically going to highlight the often under-appreciated personal style of PoC, and I’d also like to make sure I include all types of bodies and genders and ethnicities (other than white girls, as we get enough credit as it is, all a tall, skinny blonde woman has to do is wear some light wash jeans, heels and a blouse and high fashion Twitter are posting non-stop about how incredible her style is)! This can be a celebrity, a model, an influencer or even just one of your friends if you think they deserve some hype too! Obviously there’s only so many photos I can include but I will make sure to look at any suggestions, though of course I’m gonna be biased towards the grungier looks; I gave Dolls Kill a pass for a long time because I thought the brand had changed and become more responsible over the last few years but since Shoddy Lynn’s thoughtless Instagram post during the protests last month and then her lacklustre response video, I say fuck that “goth is white” bullshit, alternative black women are hot af. I’ll also make sure to include a list of my favourite black owned clothing lines I’ve seen people talking about on Twitter and Instagram so again, if you have any suggestions feel free to inbox me. Other than that, I have a couple of lookbooks planned and after, either a post about my favourite shows for style inspiration OR a lookbook depending on whether I have the clothes to do it already/can source a few things from Depop-Depp-I’ve made a commitment not to buy anything new for the next couple of months and I want to stick to that this time round! I’d also like to do a general collation of my favourite summer outfits, an almost scrapbook-y kinda post, and another post on some of my favourite fashion icons (I’ll probs end up repeating a lot of the women from the post I was talking about above but I’ll try and include different outfits to keep it varied!). 

Now, into the final part, and the top 20, starting with Tory Burch (I’m really pissed off because I added an unnecessary E in after the R and now Tumblr is once again being stupid and not saving any of my editing changes-also I said on the next post instead of in in the last paragraph and my anal-retentiveness is kicking into high gear). 

You’d think it’s a kinda anti-climatic one to open with but I do like this collection! It reminds me a bit of last season’s Miu Miu but more so of Brock’s general aesthetic, though with more layers and in some ways to its detriment, a lot more wearable. Looking like something from a bygone era is part of what gives Brock its mystique, but Burch’s designs are practically made for the Chelsea born and bred lifestyle blogger who dresses for a cold spell in the Coachella valley all year long and treats trawling Pimlico’s furniture shops and meeting their girlfriends for coffee like it’s a full-time job. She’s probably born into money and doesn’t work all that hard but hey, she looks angelic holding a bouquet of flowers and in 2020 we all low-key want her life, right? It’d go against my ethics but...*whispers* it would be nice to be that girl just for a couple of days. It is a gorgeous collection, with a lush colour palette and an ever graceful variety of prints and textures, and it toes the line of being accessible and being worthy of a fashion week spot with dexterity. 8/10 and it only loses marks because it’s safe for the brand.

When it comes to Valentino, they’re a pretty reliable favourite for me, and this season’s collection doesn’t break tradition; this one is slightly grittier than usual too which is a big win for me. Whilst the usual sophistication and delicate details are there, quirky embroidery, sequins and tulle, we also get a lot of leather and more black than usual, which I pray doesn’t a herald a return to people thinking “I only own black clothes and listen to Artic Monkeys” is a personality trait. I don’t know if it’s intentional, but there seems to be a lot of aquatically inspired pieces in this collection too; the 3d roses resemble scales to me (and are a really unique texture), and the way the tulle is placed kinda reminds me of fins and has a mermaid on land feel. It wouldn’t surprise me, since Valentino does tend to draw from nature quite a bit. Highs for me were the Valentino red tulle piece and the tulle pieces in general, of course with the embroidered florals as well which the basic bitch in me always looks forward to. The few lows were concentrated in the leopard print section, a print that for me is really overdone and reminds me of recent Dolce and Gabbana. It was cool when layered with the matching coat but I otherwise could’ve done without it.

Vera Wang is another one of my reliable faves-I think I like this collection even more than the last, it really is a fucking DREAM. The overly floral pieces I wasn’t too keen on but I’ll ignore that on the basis that as with Gucci, the tulle-harness combo is everything I look for in a dress and more. I know manic-pixie-dream-girl is a bit of a slur (not a slur slur but you know what I mean) in terms of the associated character, but this 90s Courtney Love grunge twist on that aesthetic is gold, fully realised big anarchist fairy energy (which is a screen name I’m surprised I don’t see more often and which I might now steal). These dresses were made for someone like Zoe Kravitz or FKA Twigs on the red carpet, and if god forbid I somehow ever ended up on one, I would go to the ends of the earth to be wearing one of the dresses from this collection. Aside from the dresses, I appreciated the moody doesn’t-want-to-be-at-the-family-function teenager inspired sleeves and the 2014 Tumblr Cruel Intentions style knee high socks. Love, love, LOVE it.

So, Versace started off strong with the all black looks-the cut outs were cute if impractical and the fit and flare trousers in particularly were really well fitted (from a distance, at least). I hated the film Red Sparrow but the visuals were very cool, and this section reminded me of that, like a high fashion collection based on Jennifer Lawrence’s character. There were some stunning colour combos in the Ashish like hyper-floral part too, and the houndstooth, marble and Versace tile prints were sick. The black jumper with the flowers on reminds me of a jumper of my nan’s I always wanted that my aunty ended up donating to a charity shop after she died not knowing I liked it. Gutted (not just about the jumper obviously, looool).

HOWEVER, as with many 91 look collections, it was sloppy at times. A lot of pieces I at first liked (I.E the silver dress we saw Kendall Jenner in, included above) are kind of unfinished up close. There was also a big varsity inspired section which was nice at times but got pretty repetitive and occasionally looked like it could pass for Jack Wills or a bad Michael Kors collection. On the whole, it had both its pros and its cons which puts it directly in the middle of the pack.

Victoria Beckham’s collection is near the lower-middle quartile when it comes to plotting the highs and lows of the F/20 collections. The pieces are pretty and accessible, I’d definitely wear them, but they’re predictable and mostly a rip-off of other brands who did something similar in a more interesting way. Though her collections are never really experimental, this one is particularly safe, and she and whoever helped design this season’s pieces were clearly avoiding the edges of the box like a child playing the floor is lava. It’s alright, and I hate coming towards the end of the post with negativity, but I have to be honest, and this just doesn’t really interest me beyond a “yeah, that’s nice” glance.

Vivienne Westwood, on the other hand, is always interesting whether I would actually wear it myself or not. Despite the mix and matchiness that is essential to the deconstructed look, which being the basic bitch I am I often struggle to see past, there were some gorgeous pieces and eurgh, I could really talk about that Bella Hadid look all day. The contrast between the exaggerated femininity of the waist cinchers against the androgyny of the less structured, oversized pieces is a really interesting one and the colour combinations work beautifully together. I also love the idea behind the collection, which is, in the words of Andreas Kronthaler about “rites of spring, and the good and the bad, and conflict, and the good prevailing over evil”. Ahhh, I hear you say. THAT’S what’s with the garlic necklace. Can I get another pat on the back for summing up this collection as “vampire slaying uniform” in my notes? I mean, that’s kind of a good vs. evil situation, isn’t it? I know it’s hard to ignore how hot vampires always are in TV series and movies but just think of the true forms of the ones off Penny Dreadful and remember THEY DRINK BLOOD (I personally think being a vampire would be really cool, just need to work out how to do it “ethically”).

Lastly, Zimmerman, and I really can’t say how happy I am to end on a positive note because this collection was stunning. Not without all the characteristically ornate, indulgent and painstakingly detailed efforts we’ve come to expect from Nicky and Simone Zimmerman, these looks (in an icy winter themed colour palette as well) are the offspring of a sophisticated flower child and a 70s glam rocker and I think with this sentence I’ve finally put my style aspirations into words. Honestly, give me the money to produce a modern day Almost Famous and I’ll make my character this no-nonsense intersectional feminist front woman of a fictional Haim-like band who sings with the voice of an angel but is rock and roll as fuck and eats men for breakfast and I’ll put her in this collection and (deep breath) it would be ICONIC. There. Got to the point eventually. Am I talking about a 2020s version of Steve Nicks? Possibly. After all, I do have a framed illustration of her on my wall. But regardless, I need those lace-up velvet BOOTS, that mesh dress with the celestial embroidery, the flame detail pieces, the white pussy bow blouse with the eyes on it. Everything is sooo dreamy; when I was looking through the collection for my favourites, I saved pretty much every. single. look. IT’S EVERYTHING I STRIVE TO BE. WHY CAN’T I AFFORD ZIMMERMAN GOD DAMN IT!?

See, I’ll be going on about Zimmerman in a couple of paragraphs again because it will be very high in my top 20, which I’m so glad is a top 20 BTW. I know I said it would be a top 10 in my last post because I thought that was how I structured it last time but I double checked and it is 20, which is a relief; once again, picking only 10 collections would be very hard. SO! Let’s get into it!

1. Gucci

I hate being predictable but Gucci once again holds the top spot for me. How could I not love this? I would say that I hope Alessandro Michele fucks up next season so I don’t come off as a boot licker but when the boots in question are platform Mary Janes and knee high socks and they’re underneath tulle with BDSM inspired harnesses on top...maybe boot sole doesn’t taste so bad after all.

2. Zimmerman

Well, I did say it wouldn’t be long until you were seeing the same outfits again, so at least you know my word is good.

3. Moschino

Wow, as if putting Gucci first again wasn’t bad enough, Moschino’s also a non-mover. But...Marie Antoinette this season and Picasso last? And this campy? It’s like Jeremy Scott reached into my brain magician-into-a-top-hat-style, picked out an interest of mine at random, and tried to communicate this to me through the medium of design with THE most chaotic energy humanly possible. I an only commend the man, because he succeeded, and I approve. It’s weird because before I always saw Jeremy Scott’s designs as tacky and yet I’ve loved all the collections I’ve reviewed, so I must ask...are the collections getting less tacky or am I getting more tacky? Much to think about.

4. Vera Wang

The battle armour of a punk princess. Not very good at protecting against knives, arrows, bullets or...anything really, but I’ve never really been the kind of person to get into physical fights (apart with a bouncer who tried to push me down the stairs once at an ABBA night but I was really drunk and she was mean, alright!?), so who cares? Nobody can make you do anything in dresses this pretty.

5. Lanvin

I’m a few years behind everyone else but I’m still on the Mad Men hype train and I don’t ever want to get off. All I wish is that Betty Draper had *SPOILERS* divorced Don’s detty arse earlier and rode off into the sunset in that white Bella Hadid coat with the red lip to match (or the checkered one above will do).

6. Etro

As long as she remains the queen of dreamy bohemian fashion, I’m not gonna do Etro dirty by putting her any lower than this ever again on the basis that she’s not conceptual enough which ashamedly is what I implied in my last ranking-yes, Etro is a she because just as most women deserve more from men, she is beautiful and deserves better than my previous disrespect! I said what I said. 

7. Dilara Findikoglu

I see your Thom Browne and your Commes Des Garcons and I raise you my “weird”-though-not-actually-that-weird-at-all-can-we-all-just-dress-like-this-on-a-day-to-day-basis-please? fave, Dilara.

8. Paco Rabanne

Battle armour that actually COULD protect you against knives, arrows, and bullets. Maybe. Well, you’d hope so anyway for the price.

9. Rodarte

Suddenly my phobia of spiders has evaporated. And no, it doesn’t have anything to do with the fact that these ones are diamond encrusted, what are you on about?

10. Alberta Ferretti

The colour combinations in this collection were stunning. Honestly. I just picked a really bad pic to illustrate that. Go read my first post to see (grifting 101: complete)!

11. Charlotte Knowles

I saw Bella Hadi wearing a Charlotte Knowles two piece, so I bought a Charlotte Knowles two piece. 

LMAOOO, I wish.

12. Balenciaga

It’s occurred to me a couple of posts too late now on the basis that Tumblr is being a dick and won’t go back and let me edit stuff, even little typos, but I’m now wondering if there’s a link between the climate change theming of the show and the exaggerated structures of the pieces? Ya know, the whole abundance is killing the planet line of thinking? I know analysis isn’t exactly on brand with these silly mini captions and that oversized and exaggerated proportions is one of Balenciaga’s running motifs anyway buuut just a thought I had! And sidenote: I do believe overconsumption is killing the planet! The way I phrased that made it seem like I’m a climate change denying dickhead! That I am not! Maybe if I shave my head, legally change my name to Steve, get a British flag tattoo on my bicep, and spend every waking moment in my nearest Spoons I’ll get there but it’s not on the agenda quite yet!

13. Christopher Kane

If fashionable robots took over the world, they’d raid Christopher Kane’s studio and fry us all with laser beams whilst wearing his dresses.

14. Fendi

Siri, play Vroom Vroom by Charli XCX.

15. Olivier Theyskens 

Mandarin collar. Mandarin collar. Mandarin collar. NEXT TIME I WILL REMEMBER WHAT THE PROPER NAME IS INSTEAD OF NEEDING TO GOOGLE IT AGAIN. Come on brain, you’re supposed to be good at this kinda thing, make it happen.

16. Elie Saab

Blair Waldorf’s wet dream. Add in some platform boots and chain jewellery and now it’s my wet dream too.

Because Chuck Bass is creepy as FUCK and maybe it’s because I watched Gossip Girl at the ripe old age (lol) of 21 and most people watch it as teenagers but I don’t know why YOU WERE ALL SO OBSESSED WITH HIM! He tries to sexually assault Jenny who is about 14 in the VERY FIRST EPISODE. I think I went off on a tangent here but it had to be said. You girls have no taste.

Don Draper was an absolute dog, but he was played by Jon Hamm, and he might be one of the finest men on the planet. What’s your excuse, Chuck and Blair enthusiasts?

17. Miu Miu

As someone who has probably been/met many a spoilt brat in her time, I appoint Miu Miu as the official sponsor of the Spoilt Brat™ aesthetic and yeah, that’s something I just made up but I’m on the money here. Imagine one of those “daddy, can you get me a pony?” types all grown up. Are you telling me you don’t picture her in Miu Miu? Because that sounds like a lie.

18. YSL

The war flashbacks I get of the Friends episode where Ross tries to get out of those leather trousers aside (I know it’s PVC her not leather but they have the same sheen, you can’t deny it), these outfits turn me into the irl version of the heart eyes emoji. It’s not like I think this is the best collection I’ve ever seen, YSL could def push the boat out a bit in terms of experimentation, but there aren’t many people who wouldn’t look hot as fuck in one of these pieces

19. Balmain

I didn’t like ALL of it, but the looks that I did like were amongst the ones that stuck out to me most when I was reflecting on the collections I’ve reviewed: the breast plates and silk capes and the scorpion detailing are real chef’s kiss moments.

20. Marques Almeida

Miss the collection that gave us this coat off the list? Never.

SO!

That is the end! Wow! I started saving the photos for this review back in late January/early February or whenever it was that the first fashion week began and now it’s mid-fucking July!? I don’t know if that speaks more to my incompetency or what a state the last few months have been. I’m not gonna write a super long ending paragraph because you’ve heard enough from me already and it’s 2:30am and I’m being hassled by Trump supporters on Twitter (literally just for stating that it’s a privilege to be able to pursue a career you truly have a passion for rather than having to be practical about finances first) anddddd I’ve got a closing shift tomorrow so I should probably log the fuck off and remove my clown makeup before it’s time to start my shift, lol!

Quick recommendation before I wrap this up, there was a really interesting debate on ITV literally a few hours ago on the Stephen Lawrence case that I thought I would recommend (they also showed the 1999 dramatic portrayal of events afterwards) about racism in England and whether or not much has changed since the murder. I didn’t catch the whole thing but from what I did see, there were some really strong points being made and I think it could be a good thing to sit and watch with your family members if you want to get talking about the Black Lives Matter movement and aren’t sure how to broach the topic. I bring it up because I feel like most middle-aged white people trust ITV so they’re less likely to turn their noses up (lol, I wish I was joking) at it and maybe go in with a more open mind. I’d like to keep the conversation about social issues going so if there’s anything you’d like me to get some information together on and make a post about-I read yesterday that there’d been arrests of THE PEOPLE PROTESTING the way Breonna Taylor’s death has been handled. No, not the police officers responsible for her death, the people simply pointing out that those police officers have done wrong. It’s a ridiculous situation and just shows how deeply embedded a police officer’s supposed right to kill and to use force is in upholding the American status quo. I wish I could end the post on better news, but let’s hope that next time I post, there is some, and as always thank you for reading til the end if you did get this far! I really don’t have all that many followers on here but do et me know if there’s anything I can reblog or share to help.

Lauren x

[youcantundothepast]

Manhattan Performing Arts

Victorious AU *mention of a wrist injury

- Crutchie (Andre) and Sarah (Trina but not annoying) are both instrumental majors, mainly piano. Sarah also plays classical bass and guitar. She has a minor in dance, mainly jazz. Crutchie sings a little but not enough to declare himself a vocal minor. He can also play flute, guitar, drums, piano, and french horn. Crutchie is also a huge asset in the technical theatre department. He’s amazing

- They’re best friends and Crutchie always comes over for them to practice their big showcase piece.

- Davey (Tori) isn’t a student at the school, but he plays piano well. Sarah has tried to get him to audition, but he always says he won’t get in so he doesn’t audition. He often sits in on them practicing, and he unintentionally memorizes the piece. One night, he can’t sleep, and he finds himself playing Sarah’s part on the piano. Sarah heard him.

- On the night of the showcase, Sarah’s family is pulled from the audience by Denton, the school’s guidance counselor, and is told that Sarah can’t perform. When they get backstage, they find Sarah had broken her wrist. Crutchie is dismayed both because his friend got injured and because they can’t perform, but Sarah says Davey can play her part.

- With some repressed reluctance/stage fright, Davey agrees to perform with Crutchie. The piece turns out beautifully and everyone is applauding in a standing ovation after they finish. Davey is offered a scholarship to the school as a instrumental major and whatever minor.

- So yeah, Davey becomes an instrumental major, he can play piano, violin, and clarinet. He also decides to minor in vocals. Also, he gets roped into a beginner’s acting class taught by Medda where he meets most of his new friends.

- Jack (Beck) is an acting major with a minor in vocals. He does a lot of musical theatre . He and Davey bond a lot easier because Davey often does something in the orchestra for the musicals, and they often talk during breaks at rehearsals when they’re practicing with the orchestra. Eventually, Davey becomes Jack’s go to partner to help rehearse his lines.

- Of course they have that one awkward moment when Jack plays the lead in a play and Davey is his love interest and they don’t know what to do when they rehearse a kissing scene.

- Spot (Jade) is a vocals major with an acting minor. Him and Jack are exes on friendly terms, but he doesn’t like Davey when he firsts meets him. He’s quite intense and can be mean to people (especially Davey), but they keep him around lol. Did I mention he’s goth? lmaoooo

- Elmer (Cat) is a vocals major with a dance minor. He’s a bit eccentric, with dyed red hair and countless random, disturbing, stories about his older brother. He’s pretty ditzy and air headed, but he is also ambitious and amazingly talented. His aesthetic is basically cotton candy and Weenie Hur Jr.’s from Spongebob.

- Darcy (Robbie) is a instrumental major (guitar, piano, triangle, kazoo and yes that’s on his application) who carries around... a puppet? Named Bill. Who constantly ridicules Darcy and makes sarcastic comments. It’s a mystery to everyone because it’s logical for Darcy to control Bill. Oh well. Darcy is incredibly awkward, and he tried to be flirty, but he usually fails.

- Race (OC) is a dance major with an acting minor. He’s a bit pretentious and snobby, and more like Trina than Sarah. But also he’s still insanely talented. He lowkey thinks he’s better than anyone else, and he’ll flirt with anything on two legs.

- Katherine (OC) sort of dabbles in everything, but she’s technically a dance major and a vocals minor. Though, she also takes classes in ballet dancing, acting, vocals, and she can play piano. Her father is the principle, and she is insanely talented. There’s constantly rumors of her and Jack secretly going out, but they’re never true. She’s a bit elusive and distants herself from most people (except Jack who is her best friend hence why people think they’re dating). But she is still kind and passionate about her craft. Her father wants her to become a professional ballerina, but she wants to become a songwriter.

[katierosefun]

dont feel bad about blabbing about your book it sounds interesting~ can we hear more if you wanna share?

aaaaaaaaaah, thank you anon!!! that means a lot, because i often feel a little self-conscious about talking about writing that,,,isn’t fic. but anyways, here’s a read more tab because just in case anyone’s not the biggest fan of reading about original stuff: 

so i’ve mentioned it a few times before, but this story is mostly about a girl who’s lost her memories of her parents. there’s been a few tweaks and turns here and there to the plotline (on my fourth draft...meaning the story is wildly different from what it started out as). anyways, she’s trying to find a way to get her memories back, but that’s kinda difficult when she’s also been framed for a murder she didn’t think she committed (again, gaps in memory makes for an unreliable witness/narrator, right?). just when she thinks she’s about to be sent off to prison/get the death sentence, someone comes along to help her clear her name. little does our protagonist know that this is actually someone who’s kind of like a family member from her forgotten past. 

um, that was all very disorganized, but that’s the gist of it. again, the storyline’s been tweaked a few times, because i really wanted this story to be accessible to everyone--it has its darker and grittier moments, but it’s also got a lot of softer and sweeter moments, esp. when we get into some of the other characters! 

basically, this story has a lot of found family things: 

there’s andrea (who’s the protagonist. her aesthetic is very much black turtlenecks + boyfriend jeans. she decides to steal a sandwich just to spite the owner of the convenience store she works in, and that’s why she thinks she’s being arrested at first. looks mean but is actually a really big softie inside who just kinda wants a hug.)

there’s galen (person from the past. his aesthetic is very much knitted scarves (that andrea’s actual parents gave him as a gift when he was like,,,16 :’)))) + cardigans. he has an ability to heal everyone except himself. literally. he can mend broken bones, bruises, all those ugly things, but he can never do it for himself because superpower logic. is a really big softie both inside and out. he met andrea when she was 8 and he was 16 at a talk andrea’s parents (professors on the origin of this kind of...superhero society for lack of better word that galen’s a part of).) 

** actually, andrea and galen are my favorite because like...there’s a kind of sad story between them, but they’re wonderful. andrea, of course, doesn’t remember him, despite the fact that they’ve shared five years together. (because...more sad things.) 

there’s hina (sunshine child. her aesthetic is very much long skirts + lots and lots of necklaces. she has the ability to just. look into other people’s heads, but this isn’t an ability she’s able to control, not really. she’s shut up in the society’s library as a result, because that seems to be the only place she can actually go about her day without being bombarded by everyone’s thoughts. she longs to one day actually step outside the walls of her home, but right now, she explores through books and stories from people who bother talking to her. i love her a lot because she’s the classic trope character of powerful and kind.) 

** i really love andrea and hina’s dynamic too. they’re definitely just...oh the grumpy one is soft for the sunshine one. there’s this one h/c incident (because....in true caroline fashion, h/c abounds) where hina helps andrea up after this not-so-good fight, and andrea (who’s like,,,half out of it), mumbles “why are you being nice i just hurt your feelings :’((” and hina’s just like “we’ll talk about this later but right now just let me help you okay” (they’re so soft. they’re so soft you guys. andrea gives up her bed for hina at one point. they’re soft.)

there’s tori (certified wine aunt/mom friend. her aesthetic is just the ever-professional suit and tie. everyone sees her wear overalls one (1) time and loses their minds because tori wears informal clothes sometimes what-- she has the ability to...take away memories, so y’all can put two-and-two together. is hypercompotent and carries a lot of guilt around with her for what she had to do. also winds up being a mentor figure because we need more female mentor figures!!!) 

** i really love tori’s dynamic with everyone, i think? with andrea, she def. has this big-sister-to-slightly-younger sister banter going. (you know, the one where the younger sibling greets older sibling with “nerd” and the older sibling greets the younger sibling with “dork”. andrea grudgingly respects tori, and tori went from “andrea :((” to “andrea >:(” real quick because andrea is a little shit who loves making tori’s life difficult. but the two love each other a lot deep down. with hina, tori’s a lot softer (adsfsdf everyone’s soft with hina because hina’s. again. sunshine child). and with galen,,,let me just say that there’s a lot of complicated feelings with galen but like i’m just gonna say. lots of mutual pining and “hey i would love to actually have a romantic relationship with you but like right now both of us are kinda stuck saving the world and also your eyes are nice okay bye” 

(that being said, romance kinda takes a backburner in all these relationships. i guess if there is romance, it’s all very...subtle and also very open-ended in the end of the duology, because really, i want people to realize that it’s more about the platonic love in these stories than it is the romantic. not saying romantic is any less important than platonic, but i’d like to showcase platonic love a little more. if it makes anyone feel better, i truly do think that andrea wakes up every morning next to hina feeling like the luckiest gal in the world, and tori and galen do wind up getting that romantic walk together and maybe holding hands and being absolute blushing dorks about it.) 

(but really, i plan to end this series with. just the four of them. sitting on the roof of a car. stargazing. hina’s so excited to be...outside for once, and little does she know that andrea’s actually planning a cross-country roadtrip for them. tori passes everyone popcorn. andrea plays with galen’s scarf. hina winds up babbling about all these stories she’s read about aliens and stuff and whoa guys the world’s so big, and we’re so small, and and and--) 

(it ends with the four of them laughing. andrea thinks, “this is my family.”)

[sincerelynamkook]

Sincerely, Jungkook

Jungkook x Reader First POV

Genre: Soft/Fluff/Romance Word Count: 2693

Playlist: “Dear No One” by Tori Kelly // “Best Part” by Daniel Caesar ft HER

On a rainy day you receive a letter from the one whom your soul longs for...

Day 365. 

I stare outside my window, soothed as I listen to the rain fall down. It’s a cold and gloomy day, perfect for my melancholic mood. I’ve done a great job of forgetting about him. But he comes to the front of my mind whenever I hear the word honey or when I see Twinkies as I’m grocery shopping or every time I hear Tori Kelly sing, and that last one sucks the most because I love her music. But other than that, I had moved on. 

 But today I can’t stop thinking about him. I keep wondering if he’s moved on too. Is he eating okay? Is he sleeping okay? He always had trouble falling asleep, always thinking of something to do instead of getting enough rest. Does he have someone new in his life? Does someone else hold the key to his heart?

It’s been a year. 365 days. 8760 hours. 525600 minutes since I last saw him. 

Don’t you mean since you broke up with him? That question haunts me daily. I constantly ask myself if I did the right thing. He tried to reassure me that we could make things work but I also knew he and the boys were only just beginning their journey as artists. I knew they were destined for greatness and the daily news articles and trending hashtags will tell you I was right. They are all out here breaking records and boundaries every day. I know if he had stayed with me I would’ve only been a burden. 

A knock at my door breaks me away from my grieving thoughts. I open it to find a courier guy.

“Y/N?” he asks as he looks down at the name on the small package.

“Yes, that’s me.” He has me sign the slip and hands me the package. 

I walk back inside and head over to my living room, making sure to grab a scissor from the kitchen so I can open the package. 

I sit on my couch getting ready to open the box when I see the return address, “GCF” and I freeze, the scissor slipping from my hand. 

Why? What? How? Huh?

I’m at a loss for words. How did he even get my address? Why now? Why is he reaching out to me TODAY of all days? What the actual fuck?

I feel myself start to panic. Breathe I tell myself. I close my eyes and take a few deep breaths until I’m a bit calmer. I open the package and the only things are a letter and a DVD titled “365.”

I grab my laptop and insert the DVD to watch it but then I change my mind and decide to read the letter first. I take a deep breath and begin to read:

“My sweet Honey,” a small smile forms on my lips remembering how he would sing Kehlani’s Honey when he would call me this, especially when I was ignoring him because he knew it would make me smile big. 

“Did you know I fell in love with you before I even saw you? The sweet sound of your melodic voice stopped me in my tracks on that warm night in Malta. I was putting away my camera while I was walking back to my car, done with filming some footage for the day when I happened to walk by a busking with a small audience. I didn’t pay it any mind because no one was singing yet, but as I walked a few feet past it I heard you whisper a sweet letter to me. 

‘Dear no one, this is your love song’ I stopped walking, feet glued to the floor. Your voice was sweet, like dripping honey. I felt goosebumps rise down my arms as I slowly turned around. I still couldn’t see you because the audience got bigger, probably due to your voice being like a sirens call to all of the town. I started to take out my camera as I walked back towards you. Your voice kept pulling me closer and closer until I could see you in the small screen of my DSLR. I squeezed my way through the crowd, wanting to be front and center. Is this how Army feels when they see us perform? Like they can’t breathe until they’re inches away from the stage? I was having difficulty breathing, I felt dizzy, but the moment I saw you...the moment I saw you with your eyes closed, hair dancing in the wind as you hit those notes in a breathy whisper, I felt like I could breathe again. That breath I was finally able to take made me realize I hadn’t been breathing all my life. 

I recorded your entire performance that night. I couldn’t take my eyes off of you, especially seeing you in your element as you sang about how you were independent but wanted someone to give you his jacket when you were cold. All I could think about was how I wanted to be that someone for you. 

When you finished the song, you opened your eyes and shyly smiled as you saw how big the crowd was. Your facial expression in that moment...seeing how humble you were and realizing how passionate you were about your talent, had me in awe. Someone in the crowd started chanting “encore encore” which made you giggle...my heart burst. I remember feeling this sudden urge to sing with you which is why I got up and walked to the other mic stand to the left of you. I looked over at you to find you looking at me with a puzzled expression as I asked you in a whisper, “do you know ‘Best Part’ by Daniel Caesar.’ The guitarist started to play the melody and we began to sing. Singing with you was the highlight of my trip and if I could go back to the moment I would relive it a thousand times.” 

I close my eyes as I start to hum the song, bringing me back to that memory. I was a bit nervous singing with this complete stranger who I had noticed walking down the block before I started to perform. He was in all black, with a bucket hat on his head which was big enough to cover his face, and he was focused on a camera. The look of determination on his face piqued my interest, but I forgot about him as soon as I started to sing. At the time I wasn’t looking for anyone, but seems like fate had something different planned for me because that’s when he came to me. 

When he got close to me and whispered if I knew Best Part my heart skipped a beat, almost as if it was restarting into a heart that belonged to him. When he started to sing “Best Part” and I heard his soft voice sing “it’s this sunrise and those brown eyes, you’re the one I desire” I looked over to find him looking at me as if he had known me all his life. I felt goosebumps rise on my arms and a pull on my heart strings. I feel my heart strings get tighter as I recall the memories and emotions from that day. It’s too much for me to dwell on so I go back to reading the letter:

“Asking you out that day was the best decision of my life. That year we spent together was and still is one of the most memorable and most cherished years of my life. My brothers and I have done a lot of great things with our music and every moment we spend with Army is a moment I’ll never forget, but it still doesn’t reach the level of happiness I had when I had you by my side. 

You were and still are the love of my life. I now understand why you broke up with me. Your poor excuse of being too different and not fitting into my lifestyle was bullshit and you know it.” I chuckle softly because he’s right. 

“I’m not going to lie and say a day didn’t go by where I didn’t miss you. Even during my busiest schedules, I still thought of you every day. Every sip of coffee would remind me of you. The image of your nose scrunch whenever you’d take a sip of my Americano due to it’s bitter taste would come to mind. I still don’t understand why you’d drink my coffee knowing you’d rather drink sugar with a splash of coffee. I’d think of you every time it’d rain. Those tour dates in Europe were the hardest for me. Although, while performing I’d put memories of you to the back of my mind, as soon as I left the venue and into the pouring rain, images of you running in the rain would come to mind. I must have been crazy for you to book that rose latte cafe that had just opened up in Itaewon at midnight, just to be able to go with you. To see that beautiful smile on your face and admire the way it would light up every time you’d obsess over a cafe’s aesthetic. But my favorite moment from that whole night was running hand in hand with you  to my car because we had to park half a mile away. The way you laughed as you tried to cover your hair with our hands, the way you cutely ‘yelled’ at me when I jumped into a puddle and splashed you, the way you looked at me when we stood outside my car in the rain. I can still feel the cold touch of your soft cheek as I held it in my hand and gently kissed you.”

I put the letter down and take a deep breath. Rainy days are the hardest for me for that same reason, and knowing that he was also hurting and struggling just as I was breaks my heart all over again. I pick up the letter again and am relieved to see that I'm almost done reading it. 

“Rainy days will always be bittersweet for me, because they remind me of what I had and lost. Y/N, I’m sorry I didn’t fight for you, for us. I’m sorry it took me a whole year to pick up my boxing gloves and get in the ring to fight the match that is us. I’m settled in my career now so there really is no excuse you can give me that would keep me away from coming after you, and even once I have you in my arms again for good, I’ll continue fighting all my life to show you how much I love you. Knowing you, you probably read this letter first, so now I’m asking you to watch the DVD.”

I wipe the tears that are running down my face with my sweater sleeves and press play on my computer to start the film. 

It opens up to an empty studio room, and after a closer inspection I realize it’s Jungkook's old studio at their old building. I hear a piano rendition of “Best Part” start playing softly and I can bet my life that he had Yoongi make this version for him. My heart aches and I rub my chest softly trying to ease away the pain. 

“Testing testing 1 2 3.” I hear his soft voice first, and then I see him come out from behind the camera to sit in his chair. His hair is unruly, face bare, and he’s wearing my favorite yellow hoodie. He bites his lip nervously and then leans on his elbow, resting his head on his hand. He sniffs a few times, god how I miss him. 

“Day 1. Day 1 of being without you. Day 1 of missing you. Day 1 of waking up without you next to me, of not cracking jokes until you wake up to hit me with your pillow.” Not being able to see through my tears, I hit pause. He didn’t. He did not make what I think he made. I fast forward a few minutes and hit play. 

“Day 15. Day 15 and I still miss you. I could still smell the scent of your perfume in my closet this morning when I was getting dressed. 15 days and I could finally drink a whole grande iced Americano.” Shut the fuck up. No, he didn’t. With more tears running down my face I fast-forward some more and hit play once again. 

“Day 256. I thought I was getting better, finally moving on, but it rained today.” Fuck. He did. He really made a video journal of everyday we were apart. The ache in my heart is too strong, no amount of rubbing my chest will ease the ache away. I stare at his handsome face on my screen. His hair is longer and curlier, his fingers accessorized with multiple silver rings run over his lips back and forth. I notice a new piercing on his left ear. But it’s the look of sadness on his face, the look of grief that guts me. Hurting all this time made me ignore the fact that he too was probably hurting just as much as me. The tears won’t stop coming and next thing I know I am full on sobbing. Sobbing for the broken boy on my screen, for the broken promises we made to each other, sobbing for my own heartbreak. I notice there are a few more minutes left of the video so I fast forward a little more and hit play one last time. 

“Day 365. It’s been a whole year since I started missing you. A whole year where I grieved for us. It took me a whole year, 365 days, to realize I can’t live without you. I know you still keep in touch with Jimin and that’s how I know you still miss me.” He says this last part in a cocky tone, smirking while doing so which makes me smile through my tears.

“I didn’t think I was going to send you this log until 3 months ago when I realized you were it for me. My heartstrings are pulled every time I think of you or every time I hear your name, meaning our red threads are still connected even after a year of not being together. We would be crazy to go our whole lives with our threads trying to pull us back together. Y/N, I loved you the minute I heard your voice back in Malta all that time ago, I loved you the day you left me, I love you every time it rains, I love you every second of every day. If you still love me, open the door when you hear your doorbell ring today.” The video ends with “Dear No One” playing softly and then I hear Jungkook start to sing the song. Grabbing some tissues, I wipe my face and try to stop the tears from falling, my heart stopping when the doorbell rings. My breathing stops as I just stare at the door. The doorbell rings again and I jump up from my couch and slowly walk to the door. Holding the door knob for a few seconds, I close my eyes and take one final deep breath. 

I see him standing there right in front of me. Hair wet from the rain, hands in his pockets, leather jacket hiding his torso. He smiles softly at me and takes one step closer, then another, then another until he’s one step away from me. He brings his hand out of his pocket and softly caresses my cheek, wiping a tear that had escaped. 

In his sweet soothing voice, he whispers, “Did you ever find your ‘no one’?

Closing my eyes, I bring up my hand to squeeze his that’s still touching my cheek. I lean into our hands and opening my eyes I softly whisper back, “I did. He’s standing right in front of me.”

[hollenka99]

A Day Long Overdue

Summary: Jack is allowed to spend his birthday with the egos. (Essentially a sequel to A Talk With The Creator).

Hey, guess which AU isn’t dead! It’s been like 3 months since I last posted something for the Creator AU (or anything for that matter) but I’m back. Have some bittersweet fluff with a hint of angst.

Jack wakes up, older than he remembers being. He's in a bed, a medical one at that. It would appear he was in Schneep's medical bay. There is no recollection of being sent here. The grogginess is interfering with that. He should probably find an assistance button to alert the doctor. That's when he notices the cards. Upon further inspection, he can only assume these are for a birthday. His birthday. He is able to read some of them before a commotion is heard in a different part of the building. Henrik stands in the doorway, seemingly incapable of not staring at him. Unsure of how to break the ice, Jack comes out with "I guess I'm not 27 anymore, am I?" "Not really." His doctor remains stationary, smiling until his attention diverts to the collection of footsteps approaching. "Wait! He's not ready yet." "Schneep, what the hell are you doing? We want to see Jack too." That sounded like Chase. "Just one minute." Henrik points to someone Jack can't see. "You see him first." "So it is your birthday today. We got you cards and presents. But there is something I think you will like better than all that." "What is it then?" Jack smiles humourously. Schneep turns his head back to the corridor. "Come now." Dressed in jogging bottoms and a hoodie which swallowed him, a teenager stepped into his view. Eyes brim the longer he takes in the image of Jack sitting up in bed. His face has matured a little since they'd last been in the same room. All those months he'd been petrified at the thought of him being hurt while held captive, where he'd pointlessly jotted down memorable events in the hope the youngest ego was still alive to possibly read them one day. All that fruitless hoping and searching must have finally produced a result. It had caused him to be standing feet away. The kid even had a bit of a quiff going on. Jackie. Fuck, this was Jackie. "Hey." Jack breathes out an incredulous "No way." Jackie takes a seat on the bed. The hero's embrace is stronger than the one he can return. Jack gets so lost in mutterings of 'Oh my god' and 'You're okay' that it accidentally becomes melded together at one point. When they both register the blunder, they dissolve into snickers. "I think I forgot how to English properly." "I think so too." "How long have you been back?" "September 2017." "We missed each other by a month?" Jack stares at the baby of their little family. "Yeah." "That sucks." "You have no idea." Tears are wiped but it proves futile as they are immediately replaced. "We've all missed you so much." "You can say that again." Jack glances past Jackie's shoulder to see a small crowd crammed by the entrance to the room. Before he is allowed to greet anyone else, Henrik insists on detaching him from as many wires as was necessary. Once given the all clear, Jack is left beaming as he is encompassed by three of his friends. Chase has a revelation about someone who shouldn't be missing out on the action. He sprints down the corridor to fetch them. He is perched on the bed, assuring Henrik he felt absolutely fine, when the two return. One near-inaudible 'Crikey!' is all it takes for him to freeze. Surely not. Yet there was one of his oldest friends. Angus didn't appear so run down. Was this for real? First Jackie was home and now Angus was healthier. He hadn't been awake for very long and it is already shaping to be a fantastic day. "You look much better than the last time I saw you." "Speak for yourself, mate." He can't help but sob as he approaches Angus. At least the survival hunter wasn't leaving him to be the only one. He is so grateful for the others allowing the two of them to stay in each other's hold for as long as they needed. It's been so long since his Australian friend has been this present. God, it's been so so very long. Despite Henrik not being sure it was for the best, the five of them lead Jack to the living room. Apparently, they had bought a cake to commemorate the day. He had always been partial to red velvet. Although, thinking about it, that was likely the point of them picking that flavour. Cake was still cake either way. He wasn't going to pass up the opportunity for a slice. He notices a German Shepherd hovering by Jackie. He assures his dog that she doesn't need to work at that moment. Work? Gwen, Jackie clarifies, is a service dog to help with his mental health. She sleeps in his room and keeps him company for most occasions excluding his heroing duties. Oh, okay. Well, that just makes her even more of a good girl, doesn't it? Marvin mentions the expansion of his cat collection. Hardeen and Houdini tended to do their own thing while Trico was up for cuddles most of the time. There was also his rabbit whom he had dubbed Tim the Enchanter. Hang on, hang on, so Marvin was saying that not only did he have the Egyptian goddess of cats but also one of the best known magicians in history and his brother, the best fictional creature in gaming as well as a minor character in Monty Python as pets? The magician's completely straight expression as he challenges Jack to fight him causes him to burst into laughter. Trico turning out to be from a small breed makes it all the better. Chatter explodes between the group over cake slices. Okay, let him get this straight. He has been a coma for the past year and a half. Schneep still isn't sure what exactly the illness that caused this was. Regardless, it's good to have him conscious once more. It is not his 28th birthday as he had initially presumed but his 29th. In that time, a fan game was released which aided in Angus regaining some strength. There were four new egos: a community-conceived zombie called Robbie, Shawn Flynn who was born from a Bendy voice acting gig. Jameson Jackson the pumpkin carving actor that communicated via BSL and an android nicknamed S34Nnor. On top of all that, there was a significant lack of green in anyone's hair. Jack wasn't going to say it out loud but perhaps Chase's beard could use a trim. Not only was Sean doing voice acting gigs, he had travelled across America and Europe with his own comedy show. He was interviewing celebrities too. Sorry, what do they mean, Sean met Ryan Reynolds?! Wow, that was huge. They mention Sean also hanging out with some guy called Bryan Dechart but that name doesn't ring bells. "Okay, Chase, do the line." Jackie encourages. "Alright but that was Sean's series so... keep that in mind." Chase take a breath in preparation then, "Hi, I'm Connor, the android sent by Cyberlife." They all cheer and laugh at that. S34Nnor speaks up. "As a combination of both the character of Connor and Sean, I believe I can improve upon your already good attempt." The line is repeated and everyone becomes excitable once more. "Yes!" The outburst is Chase's as he points to the android with a grin. When the noise has died down again, his expression appears to make his new words honest. "I'm planning on stealing that jacket one day." "You're going to have to fight me for it." Jackie gives a disingenuous glare. "Besides, I'm part machine now sooo go off, I guess." Jack loves the atmosphere. It's been years since it has been this lively here. If this was February 2019 then it must be over two years since their household has been whole. After Halloween 2016, they lost Jackie's playfulness. His absence had been deeply felt throughout the house. It didn't matter now. Who cares if he's so out of the loop that this Cyberlife stuff and any other running jokes don't make sense to him? This house has been missing this sort of energy. He refuses to risk killing it. However, one comment piques his interest. Something tells him to broach this subject carefully. It seemed like it may be sensitive. "Part machine?" "Oh right. Well, I don't technically have any knees anymore." Jackie gestures to his legs. "Prosthetics, both of them." That made sense, given the comment. It doesn't faze him in the slightest that Jackie has had life altering surgery at such a young age. Nope, not at all. "....Prosthetics." "Yeah, it's not that big of a deal. I just hurt my legs when I was getting out." "He has been doing very well with the physical therapy." Henrik smiles. Coming back with a drink in hand and a grin, Jacques pats the superhero's shoulder. "Got a little crush too. What is her name? Aisha?" "Nyesha. And I don't have a crush on her. We're just friends. Not even close ones at that. Tori is aesthetically admirable too." "What a sophisticated way of pronouncing attractive." Marvin teases. "Stop!" The hood was up now with the surrounding strings yanked. "Okay, okay, I think I've got the idea." Jack leans closer. "Promise me you'll let me know if you ask her or anyone else out, alright?" Out of resignation, Jackie mumbles out a "Sure.", only to sit up and divert the attention to the magician. "Marv has a partner though." "Oh, does he?" At this, the new subject of the conversation chuckles, happily telling Jack whatever he wants to know. Jack tries to protest when Jackie is given alcohol. With a soft smile, the youngest member of this family reminded Jack he was 18 now. Of course he is. It was 2019. Jackie has been 18 for some seven months now. July next year, he'll be entering his 20s. Actually, now that Jack thought about it, he and Sean would be 30 next February. Well then. That wasn't crazy to think about. Speaking of Sean, the two of them should really sit down and have a discussion. Although hazy, memories were slowly converging to form recollections of the disastrous dispute. There was a lot to talk about. He's lost eighteen months of his life. There were amendments to be made. If Sean's been on a worldwide tour, he wants to hear about it from the horse's mouth. That must have been an amazing experience. And Signe, he wonders how she's doing. He always regretted the way she kept getting indirectly caught up in his and Sean's dysfunctional friendship. He should wish Sean a happy birthday. That's probably a decent first step to brokering peace. Plus, if his long time friend woke up from a coma on his birthday, that would probably make his day. Jack can only hope Sean would agree. He makes an off-hand comment about this. The idea of reconciling with Sean gets shot down within seconds. Jesus, he doubts he's seen this level of hatred in Marvin towards anyone other than Anti. What the hell did Sean do to warrant this sort of universal repulsion towards him? "Trust me, you do not want to know." Henrik grumbles. Right. In that case, he'd better leave it until tomorrow. Jack is careful when enquiring about Chase and Henrik's families. He's pleasantly surprised when it is generally positive. Chase sees his kids on weekends now which is fantastic. But surely Noah couldn't be little over a week away from turning 5. He was just 3. Willow and Alina were much more confident readers. Jack remembers two little girls who struggled to piece together syllables in simple sentences. They would both be beginning primary school in September. Likewise, Elias was already in his first year of secondary school. Could people stop getting older? He can't keep up. He laughs with them when Chase says "You think they're growing up too fast for you." They order pizza in the evening. Schneep is still against him eating solid food but relents once more. Jack has eaten cake today and there have been no repercussions. As Jacques and Jackie debate with Angus about whether stuffed crust enhanced the experience, Jack took the opportunity to get to know Jameson. With Chase translating, he discovers this is a unique ego. An entire life before coming to exist here. It's such a novel concept to Jack. Even he, as the first ego Sean ever made, can't imagine having proper memories prior to creation. He's used to the others being born with limited memories. Man, he could listen to this guy's anecdotes of the early 20th century all night if he and Chase were willing to carry on that long. They are still hanging around in the living room as midnight is crossed. Some egos have already excused themselves to retire to bed. Once Jack realises it is nearing 1am, he urges everyone else to head to their beds. They shouldn't stay up for him. Besides, he was the one who didn't sleep, remember. He would never wish for them to become sleep deprived for his sake. They refuse and remain. Before long, the man who never slept was experiencing long blinks. Was he tired? Wait, no, this isn't right. The only time he's felt this close to collapse is when... when it's a medical emergency. Like when his throat was bleeding. Or when all he knew was that he didn't feel well. Henrik crouches before him, steadying him in his hold. It's not okay. Stop saying it's going to be okay. Something's wrong, incredibly wrong. Henrik takes his hands, encouraging him to stand. The doctor explains it's likely the sudden regaining of consciousness is catching up with him. Assurances that it was perfectly fine for him to be feeling like this are repeated as they head towards the infirmary. All Henrik wanted to do was monitor him safely. Jack's arm couldn't help slipping from where it was wrapped across his friend's shoulder. Schneep adjusted it without hesitation every time. He defies his eyes any attempt they make to gain an advantage over him. Even when laying on the bed, he refuses the urge to relax. Henrik promises nothing will happen. He is as much of a Good Doctor as he is his friend, right? Please trust he will try to provide the best care he's able. He knows he has failed him before but- "Never!" Jack protests. "You are little bit tired. Is okay for you to sleep. Don't need to fight the sleep, my friend." "Not..." He drifts, only to remember himself a minute later. "Not a failure." "Thank you. Now please rest. We can have a lot of the chit chatting in the morning, yes?" "A'right." A roll of the eyes. A drowsy half smile. A prolonged exhale. And that's all it takes for them to lose him once more. No matter how much Henrik sits, gripping his friend's hand as the monitors revert to the figures they were displaying previously, it won't prove helpful in the slightest to permanently wake Jack up. When Marvin regretfully comes to urge him to get some sleep himself, Henrik waves him off. Just a few more minutes, okay? Then he'll go to bed. As much as they had to fault Sean on, they couldn't say he hadn't done something good today. Henrik can only hope Jack had enjoyed his birthday. Maybe they'd be able to celebrate with him next year too. Maybe. Either way, he couldn't stay here the whole night. With a final check of the equipment, he bids him goodnight. "One of these days, we will get longer. I promise."

[alitaimagines]

request: “could i have a punk! arthur imagine? maybe she’s a little quite country, being friends with Matthew, Raivis, Toris, etc and Arthur sees her and he’s immediately in love with her and when he introduces himself to her, she makes him all blushy and he actually wants to take her out instead of doing what he usually does and she’s kinda the reason why arthur goes back to his gentlemen ways. THANKS!”

punk! arthur kirkland x fem! reader

fandom: hetalia

note: so my personal hot take on punk Arthur was during the rise of bands like Blur, Franz Ferdinand, Oasis, etc. All of that was during the late 90′s and early 2000′s so that’s the era I’m using. Although the song the reader is singing in the imagine is Play That Song by Train and I know it wasn’t written during the early 2000′s but I really don’t care. I thought it went well with the imagine. 

The nations were holding an un-formal meeting to tie up any business negotiations that they had with any countries. It also gave those a chance to start business negotiations if they needed too. 

You had already finished your business deals so now you were just talking to your small group of friends. It was an odd bunch of countries considering nobody really ever seen Matthew, Raivis, Toris, and yourself interacting but it got you away from the loudness of the other countries. 

The four of you were sipping on wine on the farthest table of the field. Considering it was a warm summer day in Alfred’s country, he decided to have the meeting on a field filled with fairy lights and other aesthetically pleasing views. 

“So, on the topic of countries, where is Estonia?” You asked. “I haven’t exactly seen him around here.” 

Toris laughed, “He’s off doing work for his country and he wasn’t able to make the meeting. I’m just glad that Mr.Russia isn’t around us. I haven’t seen him since we’ve gotten here.” 

“Oh, he’s over there with Arthur!” You exclaimed as you pointed to the drunken Brit who was pestering Ivan. “I haven’t seen Artie this hammered since the late 1950′s!” 

Arthur upon hearing his name being said lifted his head up and scanned the field to see who it was. He looked over the countries until his eyes landed on you. Arthur had never seen you before. He didn’t have strong connections to anyone that wasn’t Matthew at your table but when he immediately seen you, his face was covered in a blush. You giggling cutely to them and he immediately felt his stomach flip.

You were wearing a white summer dress as you were sipping your wine innocently. He wasn’t exactly in his best formal attire considering he was wearing a black leather jacket, ripped jeans with the Union Jack bandana on his neck. 

“Alfred, Alfred! Who’s that!” Arthur asked as best as he possibly could. Alfred turned around and smiled at you. “That’s ( your name / country name ), she’s really close with Canada, Latvia, Lithuania, and Estonia. Why?” 

Arthur tried to make up a reason, “My boss wants me to start a new business deal and I’ve never seen her before. 

“Well bro, she’s really nice and has great resources in terms of agriculture and technology so go for it. She’s kinda quiet though so don’t expect too much conversation.” 

Alfred finished the conversation by going back to drinking with Gilbert and Mathias. Arthur on the other hand didn’t want to drop it but by the time he started paying attention to his surroundings again, he noticed Raivis and Toris were looking at him. 

“I think Arthur might have a small crush on you.” Toris said teasingly as you turned your attention to Arthur. “Toris stop it, I doubt it. I’m not a big enough country to be politically together with someone of his status.” 

“No one ever mentioned a political relationship.” Matthew inserted. “I will admit, you are way out of his league but he hasn’t stopped staring at you for the last ten minutes.” 

You hid yourself behind the flowers on the table but before you knew it, Raivis spoke it, “Hey, he’s coming this way!” 

You looked at them in panic as they tried to hide their laugh. You slowly sunk into your seat but it meant nothing as he was already at your table. 

“May I have this dance, love?” Arthur asked. You looked over to your friends and they nodded in approval. You slowly got up from the chair and took Arthurs hand.

The song playing was “Play that Song” by Train. It wasn’t exactly a song to be dancing too but you didn’t bother to call it out. 

“Play that song, the one that makes me go all night long. The one that makes me of you, that’s all you gotta do.”

“Thanks for asking me to dance.” You whispered as your put your hands around his neck.”No one has asked me to dance in so long.” 

Arthur had nothing to stay and didn’t want to look like a complete idiot, “N-no problem! I’ve never seen you around.” 

You smiled which made Arthur want to melt right into your arms, “I’m not that much of a party person. I do a lot of negotiations back home so I never have a reason to go to these things. I can’t say the same thing about you though.” 

Arthur raised his eyebrow in confusion, “Whatever do you mean, love?” 

“Well, other countries talk. You come off as quite the party animal to all us quieter countries.” You said genuinely. “I’m not judging nor am I trying to come off as rude but we’re complete opposites. I would have never thought you’d ever come up to me and ask me to dance.”

Arthur didn’t know how to respond. You did have a point though. He was quite the party animal. Whenever he got into any shows, he did have a tendency to rage and sleep with anyone he possibly could but he didn’t want you to know that. 

“Countries might talk but that doesn’t mean it’s true, sweetheart.” Arthur said as you immediately laughed again. “I went to see Franz Ferdinand in London. I remember seeing you there and if I remember specifically, you were in the middle of the moshpit blacked out drunk.”

Arthur cringed knowing exactly what day you were talking about, “I don’t remember seeing you there.” 

“I was with my ex husband and we had VIP seats.” You mentioned as you tried to save Arthur the embarrassment. “Ex boyfriend, mind if I ask who it was?” 

You shrugged, “It was mostly a political marriage so really didn’t end in bad terms but if I have to say, it was Basch. He helped me economically and I helped him with military resources. We ended mutually as realized that we didn’t really need each other anymore.” 

“YOU WERE MARRIED TO SWITZERLAND?” Arthur screamed as you covered his mouth desperately. You shushed him and he nodded as you removed your hand from his mouth. “You took Swizterland to a rock concert? Who paid? You must’ve paid.” 

You nodded, “I did and since we had to be publicly seen together, we went to see Franz Ferdinand in London.” 

Arthur regained his composure and continued to sway with you but the song finished up much to his dismay. You slowly pulled away but he grabbed your wrist. 

“W-would you like to go out soon?” He asked as his shyness finally kicked in. “You don’t want too, it’s completely okay.” 

You smiled and grabbed the sharpie that was inside of the dress pocket, “Call me tomorrow and we can go out for dinner.” 

And with that, you let go of his hand and went to join Raivis and the rest of them again. Arthur looked down at his arm and seen the number written on it. For whatever reason, he wanted to shield you away from the life that Arthur was living and didn’t want you to see him blacked out drunk ever again. 

Arthur knew that if he asked you out, he was going to be dressed as proper as possible. None of that punk rock shit and truthfully, he didn’t really mind it. 

-ALITA

[clowns-fc]

21 Questions

Alrighty folks, @losers-fc tagged me and I’m following through. Thanks hun 💕

Rules: Answer 21 questions and tag 21 people you want to know better

Nicknames: I don’t really have one Cali is already pretty short (Jada calls me crackhead if that counts)

Zodiac: Scorpio b*tches

Height: 5’5 ish I think

Hogwarts House: I’ve got no clue but I love the movies so I’ll go basic and say Griffindor

Last Thing I Googled: 😅 ‘sick girl kills mother movie’ I was trying to remember the name of that girl that killed her mom..... it’s Gypsy Rose Blanchard if you’re wondering lmao

Favorite Musicians: oh god here we go, I’m finna wild out on this q (in no particular order) Melii, Saweetie, Cardi B, Ariana Grande, Becky G, Nicki Minaj, Khalid, DaniLeigh, Ty Dolla $ign, Karol G, Paulo Londra, Tory Lanez, Trevor Jackson, Anuel Aa, Justin Quiles, J Balvin, Bad Bunny, YG, Bazzi, Elvis Crespo, and SELENASSSS (Quintanilla not Gomez) there’s soo many more but that’s just a *few*

Song Stuck in My Head: Solo Pienso en Ti by Paulo Londra or Cuaderno by Dalex they’re both jams I’m obsessed

Following: 139

Followers: 151 ily guys 💕💕

Do You Get Asks: Every once in awhile! And it’s the highlight of my day ☺️ especially when y’all say something crazy or drag me 🤪

Amount of Sleep: highly debated but probably around 4-6 hours

Lucky Number: I don’t have one but when I played sports I was always 12 so 🤷🏻‍♀️

What Are You Wearing: My PJs (thanks it’s 2 am)

Dream Job: Sh*tpost and get paid for it NO LIE

Dream Trip: Paris, Paris, and.......Paris again I’m tryna eat some baguettes and see the Eiffel

Instruments: No.... I can’t even whistle

Languages: English and I wouldn’t ever claim to be fluent or anything close in Spanish but I can understand basic and if I read it I’ll probably understand it. It’s the hearing part that gets me 😔

10 Favorite Songs Currently:

Solo Pienso en Ti

Cuaderno

Easier by 5SOS

Vossi Bop by Stormzy

The London by Yung Thug

AY by Mario Bautista & VICE MENTA

Phases by PRETTYMUCH

Gangsta Talk by Melii

Started by Iggy Azalea

My Type by Saweetie

Random Fact: Gross but I bite the skin off my lip sometimes, it’s a horrible habit 🥴

Aesthetic: Like my blog? Does this mean visually or what, cause I’m dumb? If it’s not then I would say my aesthetic is posting anywhere from 10-100 posts a day of absolute shite that 1-5 of my followers will think is funny and enjoy. You’re welcome 🤗😅 Plants....

This was only 20 so I’m adding one myself and it’s

Clubs I Support/Teams I Post About(incase y’all didn’t know lol): Barça and PSG but I’ll literally like or reblog almost anything my mutuals post 💕 so maybe also Man City, Man United, Liverpool, and I like to drag Ratmos FC in the tags sometimes😉

I tag (and I’m bout to tag all you b*tches): @blaugrana-wbu @nathicoroo @hadikathefangirl @christianpulisic22 @noussairfc @gnabrie @kykyswife @xliverpool @rafaelalcantra @colinsdagba @brazilianasf @vinifc @beansfc @cutetuchel @holdmyhopeinyourhands @bishfc @messfc @messiapologist @leoantoneykunblog @disappointment-fc @arxocel

okay that’s literally 21 of y’all so at least one of ya gotta do it 👌🏻💕🤗

[stormyniqhts-blog]

hey, guys!! i’m sora and i’m happy to be here. i just want to start off by talking a bit about myself. such as having a love for anime, disney movies, doggos, and uhh, i’m also recently binge watching stranger things s3. anyway, this will be a super mega intro post as i’ll be putting all my charas into one intro, so here’s info on julie tran, layla evans, frankie sullivan, and dylan grayson!!

edit: i also have a general plots page, but i’m open to anything outside of it!

if you want to go through a specific chara, all you have to do is ctrl+f and type “--chara name”

--JULIE TRAN

* lana condor. twenty-three. female. she/her. | did you see julie tran this morning on main street? i heard they were heading towards the protests. they’ve been in ballard for all her life and last time i spoke to them, they were a sales associate. if i remember correctly, they’re a scorpio and they remind me of colorful striped tops, lazy sundays, sunbathing probably because they’re sociable and prim.

about

things seemed like a picture perfect image for the girl when she was young. she helped her family with chores, worked hard in elementary and middle school classes, etc. however, by the time high school rolled around, her relationship with her parents weren’t exactly the same. she realized her dream of becoming a fashion designer, which they didn’t approve on due to how they wanted their daughter to work in the medical field.

at first, she agreed on dropping the dream and went on with doing well in her classes. except, she never gave up on her dream. when she finally graduated high school, she moved out of her parents’ place with saved up money and hardly talked to them since then. she felt guilty for not being who they wanted her to be, but being away felt better than trying to be someone she didn’t picture herself as.

soon, her parents decided to move away too and the relationship between her and them became more estranged. now, she’s in the process of improving her designs while working as a sales associate.

tl;dr basically a girl who wants to be a fashion designer someday and has an estranged relationship with her parents.

details

pinterest

character aesthetic + inspo

disgust (inside out), wendy darling (peter pan), tori vega (victorious), lara jean covey (to all the boys i’ve loved before), jane sloan (the bold type), lady (lady & the tramp), mabel pines (gravity falls), cher horowitz (clueless).

traits

insecure, loyal, motherly, organized, passive, picky, prim, self-righteous, sociable.

personality

she’s basically a mom friend. anything you’ll need, she’ll more than likely have it. she’s also always there for her loved ones no matter what, whether it’s early in the morning or late at night.

she tends to think of her friends and others before herself. adding onto this, she tends to not say no to others because of how helpful she wants to be, so at times, she’ll feel overwhelmed or exhausted.

the reason why insecure is added is because she feels as if she’s quite bland. that there’s really no unique trait about her. sure, she cares about others, but she feels there are so many people in the world that are also caring and it’s not exactly something different.

julie can also be quite self-righteous because she thinks she knows what’s best for people and just doesn’t realize she may bring harm.

aesthetics

colorful striped tops, lazy sundays, sunbathing, single-colored sunglasses, ponytails with ribbons, white blouses with collars, cup of tea, clothes organized by color.

style

she’s known to wear black mary janes, neutral colors or single-colored outfits, and is usually seen wearing blouses with skirts or dresses. once in a while, she’ll wear a patterned top or bottoms.

headcanons

she’ll always have necessary things in her bag. such as snacks, band-aids, tylenol, tissues, etc.

as she dreams of being a fashion designer, she has sketchbooks filled with clothing designs.

she has a small orange kitten named oliver (because of oliver & company)

--LAYLA EVANS

* danielle campbell. twenty-eight. cis female. she/her. | did you see layla evans this morning on main street? i heard they weren’t heading towards the protests. they’ve been in ballard for all her life and last time i spoke to them, they were a worker at twice new and housekeeper at horizon suites. if i remember correctly, they’re a leo and they remind me of matching lace bras & thongs, waves crashing against the shore, piggyback rides probably because they’re adventurous and stubborn.

about (tw: mentions of death & abuse)

one would think she’s the happiest girl alive with her parents. they would spend a lot of time together, watch layla during her ballet recitals, and eat dinner at the dining table every night. things were immediately different the moment her dad passed away when she was nine years old. since then, her mom began ignoring her because of how much the girl reminded her of her husband. layla learned to take care of herself soon enough.

things were spiraling down from there. once she was in middle school, she started rebelling and causing trouble. she destroyed properties, stole from stores, etc. when she became a high schooler, she started failing classes and took summer school, partied almost every night, drank a lot, and almost got expelled. the only reason she didn’t was because her advisers and teachers gave her a second chance to improve. she ended up taking it. by her junior year, her behavior was improving gradually and worked harder at bringing up her gpa. the reason why she took the second chance was because of her dream to be a best-selling author and to go to college. which she was accepted into.

nonetheless, she may not be a writer at the moment, that doesn’t mean she plans to forget her dream. she just wants to use up more time to improve on her writing. she’s talked to multiple publishers and is just continuing to grow for now.

tl;dr she’s had a rough past and just wants to be a best-selling author.

details

pinterest

character aesthetics + inspo

n/a

traits

adventurous, childish, impulsive, obstinate, promiscuous, valiant, vulgar

personality

layla’s very outgoing and sociable. she loves hanging out with people, whether it’s going to a party, drinking, going out for food, road trips, or just having a simple picnic or laying on the ground to look at stars. she’s just always looking to have fun and definitely a party animal. almost any party you see, she’ll be there. 

she also stands up for those who are close to her heart and can be reliable as she’s there for them no matter what. 

nonetheless, once in awhile she’ll get an idea and quickly act on it. and even though she can be wrong at times, it does take her a moment to admit it.

aesthetics

a journal full of words, matching lace bras & thongs, waves crashing against the shore, piggyback rides, the comfort of someone being there, wanting to hear the words ‘i’m proud of you’, hands gripping bed sheets, police sirens, worn out ballet shoes.

style

basically her fashion consists of all kinds of shorts (mainly booty shorts and ripped ones), crop tops, oversized hoodies and shirts, spandex shorts, tops that show off cleavage, fishnets, and occasionally skirts + denim, ripped jeans. 

she has a few very nice dresses too.

headcanons

she has this tattoo on the back of her left arm and this tattoo in the same area.

she’s bisexual and proud of it.

other labels that can define her: the dirtbag, the halcyon.

one of her most prized possessions is a necklace her dad gave her.

--FRANKIE SULLIVAN

* chloe bennet. thirty-one. cis female. she/her.  |  did you see frankie sullivan this morning on main street? i heard they weren’t heading towards the protests. they’ve been in ballard for 2 months and last time i spoke to them, they were a ceo of a florist company. if i remember correctly, they’re a virgo and they remind me of a hot cup of starbucks coffee, plants scattered throughout the bedroom, reading alone in a library probably because they’re generous and reserved.

about

a girl who was born in las vegas, nv. she had wonderful parents that divorced when she was fourteen. however, she didn’t mind it at all. she was happy as long as they were. plus, she wanted a bigger family, so if they were going to remarry to other people, she was oddly okay with it too. mainly because of how she always wanted a bigger family since she’s an only child. eventually, that was what happened. five years ago, her dad remarried and soon, frankie had a step-mom and step-sibling. at first, she cared about them due to how much family already meant to the girl, but as months became years, she soon grew suspicious over the relationship between her step-mom and dad.

years ago, she was betrayed by her closest friends and now has a cynical view because she wasn’t able to forgive them. she was told multiple times to get over it, but couldn’t. she continued to wonder how people can be so close then do something harsh to another. it still astonishes her now and from that point on, she didn’t really let anyone into her life, thoughts, or feelings.

tl;dr one who prefers being with plants than people

details

pinterest

character aesthetics + inspo

n/a

traits

adaptable, distant, generous, grouchy, reserved, responsible

personality

she tends to be pessimistic because of her past and doesn’t want history to repeat itself, so she tends to not get too close to others. she may have two or three friends, but that’s about it. plus, she can be quite rude and cold-hearted to push others away.

however, she’s also very giving when it comes to charities because with so much money, she still wants to be kind to others, especially those who are in need.

when things change in her life, however, she faces them head on and is just calm about it.

aesthetics

walk-in closets but wearing the same 5 outfits, walking through trails, smelling fresh air, having polaroids of flowers, black hair ties, not needing glasses but wearing them for fashion, stacks of books that were actually used and read, a hot cup of starbucks coffee, plants scattered throughout the bedroom, a person reading alone in a library, being the wallflower at a party

style

most of her style is denim and single-colored tops with a lot of neutral colors. she tends to leave her hair longer than her shoulders and mainly leaves it down, but will put it in a ponytail once in a while.

headcanons

can be labeled as the anthomaniac or the recluse.

she comes from old money from her dad and new money from her mom.

the idea of frankie was originally from wanting to play a flower child, but not in a stereotype way.

she owns a florist company, but wants to place a shop in ballard.

she has this tattoo on her side.

her whole apartment is filled with plants, real and fake.

she has an ex who cheated on her when they were dating.

frankie prefers to use her time indoors watching movies/tv shows, taking care of her plants, reading, or simply going on the internet. 

if anything, she’s mainly the type to have a one night stand, but has kept only three or four friends with benefits all her life. and has one or two close friends.

--DYLAN GRAYSON

* rose park. twenty-four. cis female. she/her.  |  did you see dylan grayson this morning on main street? i heard they weren’t heading towards the protests. they’ve been in ballard for five months and last time i spoke to them, they were a voice actress & influencer. if i remember correctly, they’re an aries and they remind me of red lipstick, dealing with chaos behind doors, uploading youtube videos probably because they’re driven and shallow.  

about

since she was a baby, she was already adopted by mr. and mrs. grayson, a well-known old money family. past generations owned a huge company for properties and built malls across the country. which didn’t seem like such a big deal to the girl growing up. all she cared about was belonging somewhere and being with a family. she was even happier to have grown up with siblings. even her biological parents hardly came to mind because she was happy where she was. however, the older she became, the more chaotic her family seemed. there would be scandals written in articles about her family, secrets being revealed, and it felt dramatic fights happened almost every week. nonetheless, it didn’t matter to the girl. she was extremely loyal to her parents and siblings. she swore she’d do anything for them.

for her childhood, she grew up in ballard and she’s loved the town deep down. she thought about how cute the place was and cherished everyone. a reason why when she left during the beginning of high school, she was quite sad for a while. soon enough, she got over it though. she attended a private school, made friends with multiple people, and eventually graduated. moving onto college, she went to nyu then later on received both bachelor’s and master’s in business. during her time in college, however, the town centre mall was already built and didn’t hear word of it at the moment. eventually, thinking she was mature enough and able to handle it herself, she was given the town centre mall as a gift at the age of twenty-four.

tl;dr she was adopted from a rich family, that she loves very much, and now owns the town centre mall

details

pinterest

character aesthetics + inspo

the carringtons (dynasty 2017), fallon carrington (dynasty 2017), serena van der woodsen (gossip girl), stella (winx club)

traits

ambitious, cautious, driven, loyal, protective, shallow, materialistic

personality

she’s very determined and hard-working. when she wants something, she’ll do better than doing her best and work on getting it.

with being materialistic and shallow, she tends to think about appearance first. during her high school years, she 

aesthetics

microphones, red lipstick, dealing with chaos behind doors, uploading youtube videos, studio booths, scripts, shopping bags with expensive brand names, diamond necklaces, family portraits

style

80% of the time, she’ll be seen wearing a dress or matching 2-piece outfits. the other 20% are filled with patterned tops, jeans, faux fur coats, and skirts. a bit less than half of the dresses she own are sparkly too. while her shoes are mainly high heels and knee boots. as for her hair, she mostly leaves it down. she’ll also be seen wearing jewelry everyday.

headcanons

the girl just loves to go shopping. she’ll take anyone to go shopping with.

the reason one of her occupations is voice actress is because during her summers in high school and college, she took up jobs in voice acting since she wanted to go out into the entertainment business for a while, but didn’t quite feel comfortable singing or acting for tv shows and movies. she just preferred being in a booth and saying lines.

as for influencer, it started during her high school years as she mainly gave fashion advice and worked on make-up tutorials.

[nevermorealyre]

21 Questions

Rules: Answer 21 questions and tag 21 people you want to get to know better.

I was tagged by @neonplusfire, also known as @neonfireart. Thanks! I was surprised to be tagged in such a thing, especially by one of my FAVOURITE artists in the MDZS community. Seriously an honour. (I won’t ramble on about how good their art is, but if you have never checked them out before, please do head over to their neonfireart account.)

Nickname: Lyre. I usually go by Menuridae, which I took from the scientific family name of a lyrebird (one of my favourite birds). Lyre is of course from the name Lyrebird and is pronounced the same way you would say ‘liar’.

Height: 163 cm. I am a smol bean.

Last movie I saw: Liz to aoi tori (Liz and the Blue Bird). It was an alright movie, but I want to sue someone over the ending we got.

Favourite artists: I dig me some instrumental music mostly, so I love Hans Zimmer and Hiroyuki Sawano. Otherwise I also like artists such as NCT, Kaleo, DEAN, Jeff Buckley, Utada Hikaru and Adele.

Song stuck in my head: Ughh, I don’t really often have songs stuck in my head. London Bridge is Falling Down?!

Do I get asks?: I have gotten a total of two asks, so not really. Most of my interaction happens with people leaving comments on my fics on AO3. But my received asks have been in praise of one of my fics, so I haven’t actually received an ‘ask’ asking me a question. But I love any form of interaction with people though.

Other blogs?: This is my only blog. I am not really into blogging that much so I just stick to the one but keep the content I post or reblog here mostly MDZS or writer centric.

Following: Ughh, does this mean my follower count or the number of people I am following? But there is 80 and 231. I will let you guess which is which.

Lucky number: I don’t have a lucky number but I do like the number 9.

What I’m wearing: Black shorts and a black shirt with the words black t-shirt written on it in black.

Dream job: To work in rural Japan in preserving Satoyama environments, which are the woodland fringes around a rural settlement that are both ecologically and socially important. I would also love to be a published author in the future.

Favourite Food: I don’t really have a favourite food. But I really enjoy water and orange juice. But I guess those are drinks...

Dream trip: I would really love to go to Japan and tour around some rural areas for the nature or visit cities and towns with some great historical architecture.

Play any instruments: I can play the dizi, the chinese bamboo flute, but not very well. The guitar sitting in my closet hadn’t seen the light of day in a while though...

Languages: English and 日本語. English is my native tongue and I only know a little Japanese, but I am learning and hope to become fluent within the next ten years.

Favourite song: Merry Christmas Mr. Lawrence by Ryuichi Sakamoto. It is also known as Forbidden Colours with a vocal version performed by David Sylvian. All versions of this song are amazing, and guitar cover by Kaori Muraji holds a special place in my heart because it was the first version of this song that I had heard.

Random fact: My random fact is that I love random facts. My mother calls me an encyclopedia because I can remember so many useless facts. I also love flags and can remember up to 200 country flags. My head is filled with useless things.

Aesthetic things: Old architecture covered in vines, overgrown plants and moss. Abandoned places that have remnants of past lives there, perhaps a forgotten teddy or hammer or a chair. Travelling down a stream in a little wooden boat, just letting the water take you on a journey, admiring how the sunlight filters through the leaves as you float away.

And that was 21 facts about me~

Tagging: Well, I am not going to do a whole 21 people, but I will tag a few people.

@reiiciel - A ray of sunshine in this world that brought light into my life. Makes great photo edits and is multifandom shipper.

@blossomchi - My other sunshine. Chi is adorable and lovely and precious. She also makes some amazing AMVs across a number of fandoms.

@the-archangel-of-salt. Their blog is filled with the random facts that I crave. Also has been a long time supporter! <3

@h-y-p-h-e-n-d-o-t-s. A great blog with some pretty damn good MDZS related thoughts and posts. Big fan.

@liebiing. One sweet child who is so very supportive and kind. Let me wrap you in a blanket. I always see them in random pockets of the MDZS fandom and it brings a smile to my face when I see them around.

@aleafinatyphoon. Another sweet child who deserves a blanket. They also have an awesome MDZS sideblog that is worth checking out.

@mmishii. This child can have a pillow to rest their sweet head upon because they are just too sweet.  

If you do not want to participate in this, feel free not to, the invitation is there however.