#traditional once again babey

[mamawasatesttube]

*Taps mic* Clois + CassieRose for the ship meme?

WAHOO!!! clois first:

Ship It

1. What made you ship it?

UH... EVERYTHING???? they literally invented romance. look at them. (i guess in another way we could say meg made me ship it because meg introduced me to the way they are PEAK ROMANCE.)

2. What are your favorite things about the ship?

THEY INVENTED ROMANCE!!!!! like seriously "don't be afraid." "i'm not." GOD. is there anything better than "superpowered character who is so afraid of himself" and "the one person who has never once been afraid of him". the way they both inspire each other. the cutesy office romance mixed with the drama and mystique of secret identities. they're just so iconic. <3

3. Is there an unpopular opinion you have on your ship?

i don't think this is really unpopular per se but i do hate when they get pushed into super traditional nuclear family boxes. like oh theyre married and in love so they HAVE to have a kid and lois HAS to be a classic nurturing mom who gets declawed for it. no!!!! stay at home dad clark and lois who teaches her son how to lie!!! keep it interesting!!!

and then cassierose...

Ship It

1. What made you ship it?

their homoerotic tension that was definitely supposed to be just #girls being catty because thats what girls are like right??? yeah uh no yall are obsessed with each other (derogatory).

2. What are your favorite things about the ship?

i love when women are messy. i don't think it's a relationship that would really turn out particularly healthy or would last long (in my mind it's a bunch of on-again, off-again bullshit) (they have the potential to make each other better but more often than not they choose to make each other worse <3)

3. Is there an unpopular opinion you have on your ship?

honestly i don't know that there's enough cassierose shippers for there to be a popular opinion other than a bunch of wlw going YYEEAAAHHHHH BABEY!!!!!!! but i guess. i don't see them as endgame for each other really? (unless. we get into the cissiecassierose polycule train wreck of a slow burn but thats a whole other post.)

[choccy-zefirka]

Niamh and her sad husband are back babey!!

Cleaned up and updated this old fic now that I am on the Zevlor train again!

Summary:

A Githyanki raised on Toril by druids that found her as a hatchling, Niamh often appears too soft to her companions, while the people that she meets on her travels have a pre-conceived notion that her kind are Evil-aligned monsters. As far as she is concerned, though, the dark lure of the Ilithid infection makes her potentially more evil than an average Githyanki. At least Lae'Zel's traditional upbringing grants her the discipline to resist; what does Niamh have, with a childhood spent in idyllic groves cuddling woodland creatures? Thus, riddled with self-doubt, she has a heart-to-heart conversation with Zevlor.

(Spoilery side note: Niamh sure has a lot of thoughts about the lady looking to obtain a Githyanki egg so that the Society of Brilliance can raise it "in civilization" — because she herself was taken in as a homeless foundling, not stolen from her people for a social experiment to decide whether she is an inherently violent savage).

And now for the fic itself!

"Once again," Niamh says. "I apologize."

Her voice crawls, half-smothered, from the innermost depths of her narrow, bony chest. Her pale-blue eyes are wide, and her needle pupils swim in splashing brine. Like she is gazing out of twin salty lakes.

At the bottom of one of these lakes, something dark lurks. Twitching. Undulating. Agitated.

"For my companion's... forcefulness."

Lae'Zel is well out of earshot now, very skeptically appraising the wares of the local blacksmith — but Niamh's shoulders still rise tensely, and she shudders like she is being turned into a cone of cold.

"And for what it's worth... I deeply regret that my kin killed your friend on the road. I think you may have startled them. They may have thought they needed to act in self-defense. They are not used to this realm; it confuses them — and confusion makes you act out on pure reflex. Not that —"

She swallows forcefully.

"Not that it excuses what they did — but please, please understand that they are not..."

Her shoulder relax somewhat, and her lanky bright-yellow arms, all awkward angles, churn the air in frustration, as she searches for an appropriate metaphor. "Not walking clots of evil. Not like —"

The shadow in her eye coils, almost threatening to burst out to the surface, and then retreats. She exhales, defeated.

"I truly mean you no harm, Zorru. None of my companions do. We just want you to help us, like we helped your people at the gate. If you could just... show me on the map where — "

The young Tiefling's broad face drips with sweat, just like the cave walls drip with trickling water. He attempts to backtrack, but he has nowhere left to go. Lae'Zel backed him in a corner, and Niamh's attempts to butter him up afterwards have not exactly left him with an escape route.

As he stumbles, not seeing, not looking anywhere except at Niamh's unfamiliar, alien face — yellow as a toad, he'd told his fellow refugees, and twice as ugly — he trips over an open trunk that someone must have dragged out for packing. With an awkward flop, he loses balance, and falls right in.

His behind gets firmly lodged into the trunk's wooden frame. But even in this ridiculous position — which draws a sympathetic tongue click from Gale, a long, exasperated sigh from Shadowheart, and a snort from Astarion — he continues pointing at Niamh with a shaking, accusatory finger.

"You didn't fight those goblins to help us! You just thirsted for blood!"

Niamh freezes. Her pupils shrink to barely visible scratches, and her yellow fists clench, a bird curling up its feet.

Behind her back, Astarion perks up, with a spark of curiosity in his bruised ruby eyes. But if he expects Niamh to let Zorru know... from experience that yes, yes she does thirst for blood — the way Lae'Zel would have done — he is in for a disappointment.

Niamh does not lay a finger on Zorru. Just as she never did on anyone else who spat insults at her (which has to be about the entire population of Faerun). Instead, she turns sharply on her heels, with her long sleek ponytail — dyed a cheerful pink that Lae'Zel often wrinkles her nose at — whipping after her.

"I'll be right back," she says, before vanishing deeper into the cave.

"She has gone to cry again, hasn't she," Shadowheart flat-tones wearily. 'I am astonished that she has managed to survive this long. How it is even possible for someone to be both this brave and this... mushy?"

"Ah, but she is brave, isn't she," Gale points out, after he pulls Zorru back to his feet with a flourish of his wrist and a spark of magic. "Remember how she rushed in to save that boy from the harpies? Or faced off Kagha and those dubious friends of hers!"

Astarion pouts.

"I am still waiting for the moment when we all find out it was all a cunning ruse, and our little —" He waggles his hand dismissively. "Little squirrel-taming, brat-coddling forest princess shows us how pretty her teeth are... By ripping out someone's throat."

"You'll have to wait a really long time, then," Shadowheart says, quirking an eyebrow.

She is not wrong.

When Niamh vanishes out of sight, ducking under the carved stone panel that separates the larger cave from the more secluded quarters of the Tieflings' leader, her mushiness increases tenfold.

Her eyes are not just watering now. They are streaming.

The sobs envelop her, unrestrained and overpowering. But she pushes through them, forcing herself to stride across the makeshift study on the panel's other side.

The Tiefling within is busy poring over scout reports, with his forehead creased in concentration. When he finally looks up at her approach, his brows fly up in concern.

"Is anything the matter?" he asks, swerving around his desk to come closer to Niamh. "Is it Kagha again?"

"No, I just —"

Niamh takes a hiccuping breath and wipes her face with the back of her hand.

"I suddenly realized I never thanked you."

He clears his throat, looking rather sheepish.

"Well, there is not really much to thank me for. I wish I had been more hospitable to you and your companions. But in order to share a home, one needs to have a home, and well. You can see for yourself."

"No, it's not that."

Niamh's voice cracks again, while the Tiefling watches her in silence.

He does extend one hand to her... Uncertainly. As if he might have embraced her, but does not quite recall how it is done.

"When Aradin spat at me, back when we'd just met, you told him to show me some respect. It's not... Not the usual treatment that I've gotten used to since leaving home."

She dips her head and casts her lake-blue eyes down at her fingers, which pick relentlessly at the fraying padding of her gilded green robes.

"You would think I am a devotee of Ilmater, from how often my tears overwhelm me. And while I have always been... emotional, I am actually sworn to Sylvanus. Like the druids here, and like my... my adoptive parents. They found me in the wilderness when I was but a hatchling. Lost and confused, the cracked shell still stuck to my back. Too young to explain where I came from or how I got separated from..."

She lowers her voice in gentle reverence.

"From my creche."

Her fingers lock into fists again, and she looks up.

"I have never been to the Astral Plane, to my kind's home... I have never even met another like me, before Lae'Zel. I was raised in a Circle not unlike this one. The druids encouraged me to read, to try any skills I was curious about, to... to express myself. And they were not really afraid of me — because they were used to having me around since I was a toddler. But ever since I ventured a little bit further from home, my attempts to... to interact with anyone other than animals have become rather..."

She reaches for him, as tentatively as he for her. For a moment, their fingertips meet.

Then she withdraws, her serrated ear tips turning a shade of peach.

"My little group has been brought together by a certain... shared hardship. Aside from my companions, you were the first person who did not try to flee, or to attack me, the moment I drew breath in their presence. It's just... It has been exhausting. Stopping to persuade any stranger that I am not about to eat them. Especially since I am more like them than they realize."

She shakes her head, her hair flying in a pink whirlwind around her again.

"No, that's not right. I know I am not better than other Githyanki for having ventured beyond my creche. If anything, I am more lost, more unsure. Lae'Zel is much worthier of this than I ever will be, but I — I also want to know more about my people. To travel among the stars like they do. Maybe... Ride a dragon some day? Do dragons respond to Speak with Animals?"

She chuckles awkwardly at this clumsy levity, and the corners of the Tiefling's mouth readily move upwards... With the least effort he has made so far.

The peachy tint now slowly spreads to Niamh's cheeks.

"Anyway. I swear there was a point to all of this. I — I refuse to believe that the Githyanki are — that we are — as evil as people think, just from looking at us."

The Tiefling exhales the tiniest of "Oh"s, and finally bridges the remaining distance between the two of them. He does not embrace Niamh, not quite; but he does squeeze her shoulder.

"I understand. And if any of my people made you feel unwelcome, I will talk to them. Sternly. They ought to know better than this."

Niamh clasps her own hand, lightly, around his wrist, and her large, low-set mouth stretches into a smile.

"Thank you —"

She her tongue stumbles, heavy and clumsy, over his name. Even though he introduced himself the moment he had breath enough in his lungs, after fighting off goblins and screaming at Aradin — she is still too awkward to address him as... As a friend.

"Zevlor. Perhaps... Perhaps your people will understand after we put an end to the goblins once and for all, and return with Halsin. My companions think that I am dallying too much; putting our own journey on pause to slay every monster. But when you yourself toe the line of… of monsterhood, you have to go that extra mile to prove yourself."

Still not letting her go, Zevlor fixes his eyes on hers.

They stand like this for a few moments longer, as the world slowly fades back, and neither flinches under the other's gaze. Not even when golden flames — shimmering, scorching fragments of Avernus — dance within his eyes. Not when the slithering shadow coils and uncoils in hers.

"If between the two of us, someone has to be a monster," he says softly, "That is certainly not you."

And when she finally steps away, her eyes are dry and bright, and her posture is firm and assured.

[ulfie-by-osmosis]

ships ask game with argyle and jonathan go

anon I hope you know I love you. (question list)

who hogs the blankets? Jonathan, usually.

who texts/calls to check how the other's day is going? Oh this one is Argyle for sure. We have three seasons' worth of evidence that Jonathan is egregiously bad at checking up on/ catching up with even people he cares about. Meanwhile my man Argyle was asking after Jonathan at Jonathan from the get-go. Argyle, no doubt.

who's the most creative when it comes to gifts? This one could be either of them - although I think Jonathan has a tendency to be serious with his gifts whereas Argyle allows himself to get silly with it.

who gets up first in the morning? Again, either of them depending on their mood.

who suggests new things in bed? Argyle is canonically pretty open-minded but rarely takes charge of anything, whereas Jonathan is bossy and knows what he wants but would rather die than voice it out. So.. I guess it goes like Jonathan mumbling a suggestion and Argyle picking up on it before Jonathan can retract.

who cries at movies? BOTH OF THEM, DUDE! They are both BIG SOFTIES. extra teary if they're stoned while watching.

who gives unprompted massages? I think this one obviously goes to Argyle lol. (Not that he doesn't respect personal space, I just think he's the type to go into De-stress Mode around his loved ones)

who fusses over the other when they're sick? Argyle is more of a stress-er, whereas Jonathan doesn't outright fuss over Argyle, but orders him around regarding meds and rest.

who gets jealous easier? definitely Jonathan Argyle isn't super possessive, and is too comfortable with his trust in Jonathan to feel jealous per se - though he might occasionally feel like he's somehow not enough, or that Jonathan could do better. Jonathan can be pretty possessive (and resentful, as we've seen in prev seasons), but something about Argyle makes me think that Jonathan is less uptight about other people around him.

who has the most embarrassing taste in music? Their music tastes are top-notch. sorry. But also embarrassing to some degree lmao.

who collects unusual stuff? Argyle is likelier, although he doesn't seem like someone who collects things. Jonathan has definitely at least once had a collector phase but with, like, insect wings or some shit.

who takes longer to get ready? Probably Argyle - Jonathan canonically does not make an effort to look nice unless forced aggressively prompted to do so.

who is more tidy and organised? I know Jonathan is really methodical when it comes to photography, but his messing up his work schedule practically caused S1, so if anyone it has to be Argyle.

who gets more excited about holidays? Visibly? Argyle!

who's the big/little spoon? They take turns but Argyle is usually the big spoon.

who gets more competitive when they're playing games/sports? Argyle if he's really into it - otherwise neither of them care enough to be competitive.

who starts the most arguments? Jonathan snaps faster, Argyle pesters harder.

who suggests that they buy a pet? Argyle.

what couple traditions do they have? Marijuana, babey!

what tv shows do they watch together? They're weirdly attached to cooking shows. Nobody can interrupt their Food TV Time. It pays off when Jonathan recreates recipes for group dinner though.

what other couples do they hang out with? Not a couple, but I think Jonathan-Argyle-Steve-Robin would be a great grouping after the initial friction. Even better if they live together.

how do they spend time together as a couple? Mostly trying to process whatever god-awful horrors are being thrown their way. Also using Jonathan's camera to record the stuff argyle crafts - usually goofy, but sometimes they distribute little tutorials for the cash.

who made the first move? Jonathan, after a lot of doubt and deliberation, kisses Argyle one day after a particularly genius idea of Argyle's that nearly got them both killed. A little anti-climactic because Argyle recognises the intention but decides to brush it off as a platonic, spur-of-the-moment action. Don't ask me how they figure it out.

who brings home flowers? Argyle! When he is in the mood.

who is the better cook? Jonathan - not only does he know how to make "fancy" stuff for cheap AND have it taste delicious, he legitimately has the better cooking sensibilities out of the two of them.

[bl00dalchemist]

Maid Piers has been a trend on my twitter timeline lately and i feel blessed.

[bettsfic]

accepting new clients!

so good news, i'm making writing coaching my full time job. i even filed an LLC, which i probably should have done sooner since i've been doing this now for two years. Going Legit, babey. pro zoom subscription and everything.

here's my cool new logo by the amazing @significationary!

what i can do:

break out a novel idea and provide accountability through the writing process until you have a draft ready to send out

the same as above but with fanfic

help with the agent querying process if you're interested in traditional publishing

provide ongoing developmental (big picture) feedback on your work as well as your overall writing

brainstorm solutions to said feedback

once a piece is structurally ready, i can offer sentence-level edits and also go over them with you to explain my reasoning

help you prepare a writing sample and apply to creative writing MFAs, workshops, residencies, fellowships, and awards

come up with practical, process-based solutions for completing work for those who are neurodivergent or struggle with executive function

help you narrow down a daunting wip list, or develop ideas that you've had on the backburner for a while

offer reading recommendations of work in conversation with yours

for real, wherever you're at in your writing life, i'll meet you there. i've worked with established authors, people just starting out, and writers at all stages in between. to me what's most important is helping you get on the page exactly the things that are in your brain in a way that you can feel proud of, and coaching you toward your goals as a writer by providing ongoing accountability, feedback, and clear-cut tasks to complete each month.

here's how it works:

you can just straight-up book a session. you don't even need to talk to me first (though you can always feel free to DM me).

you send me some of your work to read ahead of time (optional).

we get on zoom. i ask you questions about your writing life. you answer them. i take notes. if applicable, i offer feedback on your piece, plus reading recommendations and, if you're interested in ongoing coaching, an action plan for moving forward with your writing goals.

i shoot you an invoice via paypal after the call. you book another session whenever you're ready to talk again. most of my clients meet with me monthly, but i can make exceptions to meet more frequently. i also have several clients who only meet with me once or twice a year. (no pressure on frequency. everyone moves at their own pace.)

boom. all your dreams come true*

*might take a while though

i have 1.5 graduate degrees in creative writing pedagogy, and i've taught writing at the university level for 5 years. obvs i'm also an avid fangirl with a deep respect not just for fanfiction, but for all creative pursuits. to get a better idea of my writing beliefs, you can scroll through my writing advice tag.

for more of my credentials, feel free to click around my website. you can also check out the testimonials from my clients.

if you don't want a full consultation, i still have a few commissions open on ko-fi for line edits or a crit letter.

please don't hesitate to reach out via ask or DM if you have any questions. i'm also on twitter, and i have a monthly-ish lowkey writing-related newsletter.

reblogs are welcome!

[encrypted-cryptid]

Heard you wanted to talk about turtles?

hi skitty i love you thank you for giving me an excuse to right a whole ass essay under the cut :D

im normal about them

tldr: rise is, imo, the best turtle media to date because of the way it breaks the traditional tmnt mould. it differentiates the turtles themselves more, fleshes out their relationships with eachother and bg characters, introduces New bg characters who are genuinely compelling and makes splinter more than just the sensei who dies tragically to further the plot. also it has the Best april hands down and some seriously insane animation

ok so first of all, because i am an animation nerd, im gonna talk about the animation. after the 2012 3D series (which was pretty good for the time but. aged kinda meh) and the live action bayverse movies (which did have some great cgi admittedly) a 2D, traditional animation style is a breath of fresh fucking air. and Rise pulls out all the fucking stops babey!! it's got some very clear anime inspirations with how the fight scenes are done and exaggerated but even in moments of calm, the amount of character put into the facial expressions and poses is phenomenal. it really leans into exaggeration for comedy which, again, is something they didnt and couldnt do with the 3D and cgi.

they also, finally, differentiate the turtles species instead of making them generic 'green turtle' and it adds so so much!!! raph is a snapper, leo is a red earred slider, donnie is a softshell and mikey is a box turtle! even on it's own, this adds so much more character to them and makes the whole thing a lot more visually appealing whilst still keeping with the original theme. look at how nice this character design is!

what's more, they actually have a brotherly relationship with eachother that feels natural. they annoy eachother and argue and prank eachother but at the end of the day they still are very much family (which is a big part of rise's whole theme!) and they still love eachother, which is obvious in how many scenes we get of them all bonding and getting along. and april! is actually included in this!! she is their fucking sister and acts like it for once instead of being a flat love interest or plot device. shes great :] from what i remember about 2012 and the bayverse movies, the brothers were a lot more at odds with eachother than they are in rise.

the boys' personalities are also, imo, more fleshed out (take with a grain of salt, i dont remember much from the 2012 verse) raph isn't just kind of angry at everything, he's The Big Brother who has to protect his baby brothers even at the cost of himself. leo isn't just the (kind of assholish) leader (he's not the leader at all!!) but the lovable asshole who hides behind jokes to mask his insecurities. donnie is still a tech head but it's to make up for what he lacks (what with him being a softshell and his insecurities surrounding this) so he can keep up with his brothers! mikey is still the 'silly' brother but has much more to his character than just that, being the babiest brother who is, in some ways, far more mature than the other three.

AND THEY MADE SPLINTER MORE THAN THE DEAD SENSEI!! he's still not a Great Dad obviously but he tries and he does actually love his boys a lot, which is really really shown in his backstory episodes. it makes me soft about them :]

plus it's got a lot of really fun new and returning characters! casey is a weird teenage girl (objectively great fucking choice there) the foot clan consists of two middle managers who suck at their job, alongside the mutants is a whole yokai subplot (which is nice to see some more diversity in the series given things like splinters japanese origins) AND THEY MADE SHREDDER A FUCKING SCARY ASS BEAST!!! (i have not seen the movie yet but im very excited to see how they handle the krang also, because rise does not pull any punches when it comes to villains)

we also got a main villain voiced by john cena, and he had a musical number. it fucking ruled.

everyone go watch Rise right now for me ok? please and thanks <3

[fuckyeahscienceparty]

4 WEEKS AWAY FROM THE SECOND ANNUAL SCIENCE PARTY WEEK, HOSTED BY YOURS TRULY!!

that's right babey, i’m gonna be hosting science party week 2021! i was overjoyed by last year's turn out and i'm so excited to be doing it again!! once again just your standard ship week but for everybody's favorite science nerds <3 make sure to tag submissions with #spw 2021 so i can find 'em!

more info + prompts in txt form under the cut!!

prompts:

monday, 11/29: food/blood

tuesday, 11/30: home/pets

wednesday, 12/1: dream/nightmare/memory

thursday, 12/2: FREE SPACE!

friday, 12/3: swap/balanced

saturday, 12/4: date/disaster

sunday, 12/5: heal/fix/explosion

you can combine prompts, do multiple submissions for one day, choose just one, do something completely different, whatever floats your boat! interpret them however you damn please!! submissions can be in any media (digital/traditional art, writing, sfm, what have you) and adding demo is 100% ok!!

if you can’t/don’t want to participate every day or are early/late completing things, do not feel obligated to and don’t worry about it! i want this to be an opportunity for people to have fun, not to stress people out ^^ all i ask is that you don’t start posting things before 11/29, even if you get stuff prepped in advance

reminder to tag your submissions with #spw 2021 so i can rb them! if for whatever reason i miss one when you post it, feel free to send it my way!

and i think that’s all! if you have any questions, feel free to dm or ask me! i await you all on the 29th!!

[changlix-mp4]

BANG CHRISTOPHER CHAN ♡ : A TO Z - ( NSFW )

A = Aftercare (What they’re like after sex)

well , we all know how caring he is?

he is so dad , caring , like yea daddy ( sorry ksjsk )

ok for real ,

I think he is the type to wait a little bit , to let you both calm down , holding you into his arms

after cleaning you up

he’s gonna be soft with you

treat you right huh

little caresses and all

he is so affectionate , he’s so adorable ,, I want to hug him forever 

*crying session is open*

I definitively can see him wanting to cuddle you afterwards

he would lay his head on your chest at first , wanting you to play with his soft curly hair

NATURAL CURLY HAIRED CHAN SUPERIOR , BARE WITH ME

after awhile , he would put your head on his chest and his turn , he would play with your hair

holding you close with his hand on your waist until you both fall asleep

c u t e .

B = Body part (Their favourite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

Well , before I start ,,

Chan said he loves his dimples when he smiles ,, well same

SO

I think Chan’s favourite body part are his dimples and his whole body? I mean I don’t really know, and I can’t really explain , but the fact that he works out and take care of his body ,,

he prob likes his arms aswell ( anyways , I do )

For his partner , he’d prob likes ,, oh no ,, loves your thighs , the skin so soft , smooth  ( so sexc sksj ) ,, he loves the fact that they’re not too slim and skinny . He also likes your plump lips , so kissable and soft and your tummy uwu

knowing Chan , I bet this boy loves every parts of your body

I know y’all don’t care , but

I love Chan’s veiny arms , his hands omfg choke me daddy , his cheeks , his hair , his smile omg, well … EVERYTHING ABOUT HIM ! His dimples are my weakness bye.

C = Cum (Anything to do with cum basically… I’m a disgusting person)

not the greatest taste?

but more liquidy and not sticky gross

so I-

I think it’s fine to swallow it?

he thinks it’s hot when you do this

but he’s not the type to want you to do things that make you uncomfortable

If you don’t want to swallow it , then don’t do it

If you want to , just do it

you’ll just make him moan at the sight before him

he likes loves to cum inside

it’s his fav place

when he doesn’t cum inside you

he would cum on your thighs ( because he loves them asf )

and your stomach too

but not on your face

you both find it gross so it’s a big no no

and it’s more embarrassing than sexy so , NO

D = Dirty Secret (Pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

chan is actually pretty open about his kinks?

he’s a dom ( we all know it jk )

act like he knows what he’s doing

but sometimes it’s not the case

actually there is one thing he’ll probably never admit

he acts like he wants to do all the job

the one who control

but daddy he wants to feel special sometimes

that’s why he f loves when you want to take control

he’d act like he doesn’t want to , but boy inside is burning with excitments & anticipation

I also think chan is the type to use your underwear when he jacks off

the thought of you in them, really turns him on

he’s just a bit ashamed to steal some panties of yours he loves a lot

ohh and he really wants to try fingering you in a public place

like in a restaurant? , library

He’s nervous about bringing it up tho. It’s a thought that he jacks off to sometimes

E = Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?)

not really experienced.

chris is super hot , well build , really charming , polite and all

let’s just say perfect ( I’m not even exaggerating )

everyone want to get in his pants

but

I’m pretty sure chan is a virgin ,,

I mean , he prob just saw a few porns

my boy is really intelligent so

he just learn very fast skjsl

but yea ,,

and plus , he was a trainee since he was young , 14?

being under jyp had its own restrictions

and I don’t think he needed that and he had time for that

busy man *sigh*

F = Favourite Position (This goes without saying. will probably include a visual)

I don’t think he is very demanding

chan is someone very simple , understanding , he’s just not complicated

not someone hard to please

so I think ,

he enjoys the traditional one ( lmao ) missionary?

he also enjoys doggy style too

he can pulls on your hair to lift you up and have your back against his chest

in this position he can put his hand on your stomach and your neck to slighty squeeze it

AND

he loves when you ride him

boy gets harder than he was ,, as hard as a rock

is that possible??

this position makes him horny asf

he finds it f hot

he loves the fact that he can see your pretty face making yourself feels good

with this position he can see your face when you orgasm

he can easily kiss your neck , make hickeys

he can holds you and yea ,,

he can do a lot of things with this position ( hell yea )

but like I said chan is a super easy person to please

missionary is his fav one

he actually finds it very confortable for the both of you

very soft in a way and romantic

making love uwu

depends of the situation obv;)

G = Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc)

Chan is a goofy person

I mean is so giggly most of the time

ma babey!!!

he loves to tease , oh yea he does

he can be the type to laugh during sex , if you make a joke ( yea why not lmao )

if you’re uncomfortable , he’d try to make you feel better

so he’d try to make jokes ,if his first option of consolling you doesn’t work

if you guys feel like laughing , you’ll do

looking into your eyes and smiling at each other

c u t e

ngl he can get pretty serious

again , it depends of the mood

when he’s frustrated , angry , tired..

H = Hair (How well groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc.)

I’m pretty sure

he is not bare down there ,,

veeeryy well groomed

doesn’t shave it all off, simply trims, all nice and neat

the amount of hair isn’t too crazy

armpits shaved , he feels more confortable and clean

guys , this boy armpits is cleaner than my whole face tf

happy trail shaved since

TOO MUCH TUMMY FLASHES

but wants to keep his happy trail ,, maybe??

ughhh I want him to keep it bcs damn this is so hot

please hear me out daddy chris

i want to suck hug him

but honestly I feel like

he can go natural when he has the choice?

I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect…)

he is so caring

so very romantic

he is a passionate man and he shows it through many ways

we all know it

ahhh I love this man sfm

but sometimes he can be rough

not too much but it depends of his mood

I mean he is daddy so sometimes he feels like he have to show his daddyness lmao i just cringed help me ughhh

he feels like he have to show his dominance sometimes

but when I say rough

it’s not something really wild x)

even when he’s rough

he controls himself

and make sure to check if you’re alright

tbh rough sex happends very very very rarely

but it makes it more special ,, x)

he cares a lot about you

i think he’s more into vanilla sex

yeaa I’m sure he is sooo into it

I mean c u t e

I mean I want him to make love to me!! lord forgive me

he is naturally sweet and adorable so

lord I’m so in love with this man <3

J = Jack Off (Masturbation headcanon)

he doesn’t do it often

only when he really is alone

especially if you are not around

when he’s really frustrated he also tends to jack off

and one of the reasons why he doesn’t really masturbate

it’s just because he’s constantly around the boys

and my boy is a really hardworking man

well , like I said before he doesn’t do it often

probably once or twice a week? Or not at all the week

it’s when he really needs some reliefs

K = Kink (One or more of their kinks)

chris is kinky , PERIOD .

y’all can’t deny it

• daddy kink for sure , no doubt ahah

he said it himself sooooo

he’s daddy material tho lmao

he gets turn on when he is being called daddy sometimes

if you call him daddy in public he will get a light boner for sure

guess what will happen next;)

BUT it’s not a need !

he doesn’t want to be called that every time you guys have sex

•maybe roleplay

teacher x student / doctor x patient or stuff like that ( I think he can prob play both, that boy is a switch )

I think he’s definitively not into hardcore bondage ( sorry ) but doesn’t mind to blindfold you

•edging : giving and receiving

he loves the way he can make you whine and scream when he’s overstimulating you

BUT that is only for pleasure and not for torture

•praise kink: giving and receiving

he thinks it’s somehow important

•biting kink : both giving and receiving

he likes feeling you bite down on his skin when he fucks you

he also loves it when you moan out for him as he nips at your skin

thinks hickeys are sexy ( and tf yes they are )

•so marking kink: giving and receiving ,,

it makes him horny when you give him hickeys out of nowhere

and he loves it when you do it while he makes love to you

but most of time he is the one giving them to you

loves leaving hickeys and little bruises on your hips , neck , collarbones , stomach and thighs ( your whole body should be decorated by his soft lips skjsk )

having hickies and love bites on his neck and collarbones

he loves his back being scratched

likes seeing the scraches on his back in the mirror

oh my gosh imagine what it looks like when he takes a shower ,, the water cascading over the red marks omg help me I’m-

since I think he likes thighs ( idk why but yea)

•THIGH RIDING is a big YES

his muscular thighs!!

he likes it when you wear strockings // it’s so fucking hot

•impreg kink tho it’s so sexy and cute damn <3

L = Location (Favourite places to do the do)

chan is not picky , he’s a simple guy

the bedroom is perfect

why? because it’s confortable

AND secure , intimate

it’s somehow warm and all

but the rest of the house is ok tho

kitchen ( but very rarely bcs you guys feel like it’s not very hygienic but it happens only when one of you are reaaaaaaaaaaaaaally horny and impatient)

living room : couch , carpet ,, shower sex is one of his fav

bath sex with chan is a concept

he’s not into public places

he wants thing to be confortable and intimate ,, that’s why he prefers doing it at home

Or maybe omg

s t u d i o

one of his fav for sure!!

he loves having sex with you in his studio ,, hot

having you riding him slowly

or cockwarming while he’s working ( arg stop me )

M = Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going)

kisses by his ears and down his neck

his ears seem to be really sensitive hehe

he really likes when you trace his veins with your fingertips ( it also turns you on , ugh it’s like i’m talking about me *moan * )

seeing you in his clothes really turns him on aswell

when you stroke his hair , like when you’re sitting on his lap and run your fingers through it , pulling at the strands a little ( goosebumps kskjs)

but ngl he can get turn on by you whatever you do lmaao

just smile , just breath , boy is turn on ( jk .. unless ahah)

N = NO (Something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

anything that involves bodily matter or fluids that are not sperm or vaginal fluid

he does not like degradation , it’s a big NO !

He would never ever degrade you! He likes and respect his girl too much to talk down to her ,, chan is a gentleman . He expects you to treat him the same btw

AH!! sharing you sexually . Don’t even think about it

things like threesomes and all, aren’t his thing

anything that involves violence too

O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc)

he f loves it when you go down on him kissing him from his neck all along his collarbones , abs ,, running your hands on his torso

it pleases him to hit the back of your throat ,, but stay careful to not hurt you

he loves the sight of you inbetween his legs

he likes threading his fingers through your hair ,, pulling at it a little

but my man chan is one of the few blessings on this planet

he equally loves both : giving and receiving

he likes pleasuring you ,, looking at you from between your legs seeing you rolling your eyes in the back of your head , throwing your head back

seeing the way your eyesbrows frown , biting you lips

seeing how you clunch at the sheets , and pulling at his hair ,,making him moans at the sensation and at how sexy you look like

oof this is so sexy I want to disapear helpsk

P = Pace (Are they fast and rough? Slow and sensual? Etc.)

he can be rough y’know not really hard and fast but yea it depends of his mood

he is the one controlling the pace

even when you ride him , he’d place his hands on your waist/ hips to guild you

but I think he’s more into sensual things

he’d be slow and sensual

really slow when he wants to tease the sh^t out of you

he’d be gentle obv

y’know into vanilla sex

Idk why people think he seems to be into really rough things but I DON’T THINK it’s actually the case

my babie is so soft behind all those muscles uwuuuu

Q= Quickie ( Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex and how often? )

No, quickies mainly have to be done in a risky area and that freaks him out so no

plus he hates feeling rushed.

he’s not the biggest fan but he def. won’t turn you down if you suggest it

he won’t push you away for sure

He finds it kinda hot because it mainly means you are needy for him.

Would rather have proper sex. He likes taking his time so quickies aren’t ideal.

On the very unlikely occasion he’d go for a quickie it would definitely have to be in a place he would never get caught

R= Risk (Are they game to experiment? Do they take risks?)

He is not that risky, he wouldn’t do anything to hurt you or to get caught in a sexual act

He has his own boundaries

He is prob open to try new things

he just needs to be convinced first but mainly just to tease you. He wants you to give him reasons

ngl i think he doesn’t know a lot of different kinks and stuffs so he is probably quite open for experimenting ,, curious boy

As long as none of them involve pure pain and violence he’s good.

S= Stamina (How many rounds can they go for? How long do they last?)

I don’t think I really need to write something for this one? He has a good stamina and can last a long time. I think he starts really slow at the beginning and then uses more force and speed after a while .

SO all night bcs of his crazy stamina , I mean he is pretty athletic so , but again DEPENDS of the day and mood

making love all night , taking his sweet time my fucking heart is beating so fast omgg

doesn’t get tired easily i think ; I mean boy can’t even fall asleep irl

BUT don’t get me wrong he can go for rounds but makes time to appreciate your presence and enjoy having conversations with you , y’know?

So prob tried to not go too crazy bcs he wants to spend time with you afterwards get me

If i have to say the numbers of rounds i’d say 3-5 rounds max . Again , it would depends on his mood and pace

T = Toy (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?)

Definitely NOT a toy user

he’s not into it at all

a vibrator is what he will use ONLY if you ask him to ( I think you must really insist if you want it )

he def prefers tease you with his fingers , cock but not objects

it’s skin against skin for him ,bye.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

lmao we all know he is a fcking tease

sometimes , I think it comes to him naturally and it’s apart of his personality

he finds it so cute when you’re frustrated ,blushing and super shy ahah ( my body is burning just thinking about him teasing skjls)

V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make)

L O U D.

I mean , please listen to 3RACHA songs , he’s pratically moaning ( that’s so sexy tho *moan*)

deep , or high pitched ( lord help me ) soft grunts

moans , groans , breathy moan ( does not scream that’s it )

please just imagine when he’s getting close and makes those sounds

( i’m the one horny rn , brb imma fix my problem lmao )

W = Wild Card (Get a random headcanon for the character of your choice)

he loves to hold your hand while you two are having sex ( uwu I’m so in love )

enjoys strip teases. Whether it’s giving or receiving ( lord , imagine him getting rid of his clothes slowly and looking straight into your eyes , biting his lips .. I’M NOT OKAY!!)

loves it when you hold his head while he gives you oral , pulling at his locks

fucking loves buying cute and sexy ( not vulgar ones) lingerie sets for you

not necessarily for sex , he just loves admiring the way you look in black or red lingeries ( or even pastel colors )

he just lives for the moments when you dress up for him , only for him

like knowing he’s the only one who sees

X = X-Ray (Let’s see what’s going on in those pants, picture or words)

long and thick. veiny

6-7 inches

( please i just took a ruler to look at the length , the way i moaned i’m-)

Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)

normal?, average. 1-3 times a week

but he doesn’t need to have sex every week to stay satisfied

Z = ZZZ (… how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

depends on how long you two were having sex

of course after a proper after care.

but would rather hold you for a moment , talking with you , making you laugh and smile. It means a lot for him , want to enjoy the warmth of your bodies against each other.

c u d d l e  to sleep. uwu cute

---------

A/N : sorry I wrote a lot , it wasn’t supposed to be this long 😭 // FEEDBACKS ARE VERY WELCOMED ♡ taglist :@justamessofablog @mermaidshmari || since you guys asked to be tagged here you are lovelies 💕🥺 ||

[bakugouisabitch]

do you think malik goes through periods where he's very fun and bubbly, but then like a switch he's very quiet and wants distance?

GOD YES YES THIS is exactly how I imagine him omg it makes so much sense.

First of all, YES 👏 Let 👏 Malik 👏 Be 👏 Bubbly 👏 And 👏 Loud 👏 2k21 because he DESERVES IT. He should always be happy and loud and it shouldn‘t bother Anyone

.

Okay that being said, I hc him to have a lot of trust issues, so, to get to experience his “real self” always takes a lot of time and “opening up”.

He’s not shy or an introvert, he just kind of doesn’t trust anyone except himself (and his siblings - most of all Rishid) and has been through so much shit that he keeps thinking any form of friendly approach from someone is all just a tactic to get to his vulnerable sides. (this funny fanart kind of gets my point across). And that’s exactly why he is like that too. When talking with strangers, he would go as far as being extremely polite and cheesy that you almost can’t recognise him anymore. But he’s doing it all to warm up to people and get to their weaker spots, just in case he’s going to use it against them. (see: his whole fake personality Namu-act that wasn’t even necessary for his plan to enter the Battle City finale...)

To get to Malik’s real self i HC requires a lot of digging and trust - which can take a lot of time. He also seems to be quite conflicted over what he really wants, because after all that time spent analysing and manipulating people just to understand their weak spots he’s left with nothing but a constant state of being alert and ready to use it against them. And when the moment never comes - because as hard as it is to swallow down for him, some people might have genuinely just nice intentions - he realises he wasted another opportunity for making new friends and ends up being full of guilt and regret and probably a big self loathing and once again alone. Then forms the question what do you really want? to make friends or enemies? And he’s not sure he knows the answer anyway. Shit, malik’s whole character design strikes me as being conflicted since he’s a whole mixture of traditional and modern af. He seems to be quite attached to his ancient roots and the nobility of his bloodline but he also seems to want to re-invent himself into that motorcycle-driving kid who said fuck destiny i create my own. But the way he talks and puts valor into his ancient beliefs (+ his father’s earrings) clearly shows he’s far too attached to it to let it go (this leads also to the whole deal of being literally born and raised to Serve and also his whole daddy issues, but that’s another page completely).

Like you said, there are moments where he goes completely quiet and wants distance because i can see him reconsidering every step he took. As confident and self-assured as he might appear, and the end it always seems like his biggest enemy is his own self (or his other self... he might get pretty quiet and dissociates also because he’s probably conversing with his alter in his head. But his alter is also another whole deal completely.)

Just like in Kaiba, I see a constant need to prove himself to be better than anyone in everything: His dressing up as the Pharaoh and saying he has the right for the throne, his modern style and extravagant motorcycle/boat, his emphasis on making the enemies remember his name... 

(see:

it’s all Trauma babey ✨

He seems to just live in a world where conflict prevails over everything. Every moment and every human interaction is regarded with caution and “how to get the upper hand in this” - because that’s All He’s Known His Entire Life. With the Millennium Rod he also got the power to literally read into humans’ minds (in the manga it’s all explained even better). Seeing the desperation and the desire for his wife in Pandora, the homicidal tendencies and dark past of the mime boy he uses... these were all elements he studied and gathered in his collection of “humans just want power over you”, which just increased his trust issues. Also, his tendency to punish his ghouls when they fail clearly reflects a sense of education where you get punished if you don’t succeed and plus being a capricorn this tends to make a perfectionist out of him (and it’s once again something that was ebbed into his brain as a child thanks to his father). So he strikes me as the type who is never satisfied with the end result of something because it could always be Better.

Anyway, trauma and fears aside (and he has a lot of them) he sparks me to be a very loud and extrovert boy and he would probably be shining brighter than anyone if it wasn’t for all the shit he’s been through. He is very intelligent and a fast learner (I hc him to know fluid arabic, japanese and english) and he’s a good observer and very rational. He reacts with his brain first before using his instincts, but he seems to be very driven by his emotions (since they are the reason he does literally everything). He’s ambitious and cunning but with a soft, soft heart like,, I love how the whole deal of Malik in the manga is that he literally Couldn’t bring himself to gain the full power of the Rod and kill Yugi because he’s so soft at heart. No matter how evil and controlloing he tries to be at the end he just Can’t. It was his alter who did it, who took his place in his most vulnerable moment because he literally Couldn’t take it. He would have died.

“His father filled him with pain and sadness... until all he wanted was to die... So in order to survive, in order to keep going, he had to create another self...”

His alter keeps calling this weakness but it basically shows that he’s just good. He’s good at heart and he needs light in his life to survive. (The whole deal of light and shadows that is made in battle city which also includes Rishid is just so beautiful in the manga - i totally rec reading the battle city arc to you to get malik better). He’s soft at heart and this is why I can see him being a loud and bubbly person once he‘s 100% sure there are no bad intentions behind someone. Because he would be so confident and very diva-ish in his attitude of “I deserve the best and the best only”, despite having so many fears he’s battling against daily. Once he loves and trusts someone - and if that someone makes him feel his best - he would cling to them almost desperately this is how I hc him also in my fics and he would be so happy and loud about it, because it’s like FINALLY taking a Break from that “mental state” of alert and control he Has To keep up to Prove to be good. He’s finally his real self.

anyway i could talk abt this boy for hours like i could write an essay over everything regarding him because he’s one of the most complex and rich characters i’ve ever known and *bites fist* I JUST LOVE HIM AND HE DESERVES TO BE HELD SO BAD.

[griffinsmith]

another jackerita au post ?? but from margherita's perspective this time ... i have been ignoring her for too long margherita babey im sorry

its been like a year and a half since I came up with this stupid au and ive never once made a written post that’s mostly about margherita’s role in the jackerita au. That is criminal and im fixing that now sorry girlboss. Also she deserves a bigger role in the plot in general so !!! heres whatever this is

For just some backstory on her: Margherita has literally 4 lines of dialogue so there is not much to go off of for her help me. She says she is a master of the opera nova school of Valencia so Ive always headcanoned that she, just like she says, works at said opera nova school. She has quite the set of pipes and is an incredible opera singer, along with being an expert duelist. Margherita is quite proficient in the art of the sword (again, just like how she says in the battle with her) and when she’s not teaching her students how to sing, she’s teaching them how to duel

One of Margherita’s cheats states that she’s studied in Crab Alley, so I’m going to take that and run with it. Margherita not only studied there, but she also spent some time traveling the spiral before settling in Crab Alley as her place to study music (essentially she took a gap year). This traveling happened right after she finished her primary schooling (with crab alley being where she spent the majority of her secondary schooling) and while she toured the spiral, she visited Marleybone, and guess who she ran into there.

Margherita and Jackall first ran into each other in their late teens/very early twenties (think 19 or 20. Wow just like my age fr), bumping into each other in the Ironworks. Jackall was looking for some scrap metal for an automaton he was creating, as he was just starting his secondary schooling to become a mechanical engineer, and Margherita was just plain lost while trying to sightsee. The two got along swimmingly, bonding over their aspirations that others had frowned upon: Jackall was hoping to land a job at Barkingham Palace as their head of defense, and Margherita wanted to become the most famous opera singer Valencia had ever known. Once their conversation had ended, they promised to keep in touch after some time spent together.

And keep in touch they did, writing letters often, and Jackall frequently making his way across the spiral to see Margherita’s opera performances and Margherita visiting him in Marleybone every so often. Both were extremely supportive of each other’s achievements in their careers.

About ten years pass between the two of them meeting and the events of Barkingham Palace. Margherita has a well-established teaching spot in the Opera Nova school of Valencia, loved by her students and fellow faculty members, and can duel the pants off of anyone she fights. She enjoys reveling in her stories of her time at Opera Nova to Jackall when they visit each other.

Jackall, on the other hand, has gone from just as enthusiastic as she over his job to being bummed out. His passion for inventing mechanical creations to better defend the palace seems to have been dampened by his fellow Barkingham staff members who prefer traditional guards to the palace rather than his automatons. For as long as Margherita can remember, Jackall has always been enamored with the concept of bettering oneself and the things around oneself, and it appears as though he hasn’t gotten to dip his toes into this concept in a while. The spark she once saw in his eyes diminishes a little bit more every time she visits him.

Margherita doesn’t quite get losing your passion for something. Until the Opera Nova school starts rearranging its budget. Teachers stop getting pay raises, student size shrinks, facilities aren’t updated. When Margherita and her fellow teachers try to get those in charge to do something, they respond that they’re already doing all they can to keep the school above water. Margherita is heartbroken that the students she’s loved teaching and watching grow into real opera performers begin to lose their love for their study, and can’t help but feel like she herself is losing her love for it, too.

Margherita relays all this information to Jackall during one of her visits to Marleybone. During this visit, for once, it seems like their demeanors have switched. Margherita cannot remember the last time she’s seen Jackall this energized, full of life. It’s like he’s 5 years younger, the look in his eyes gives away that he’s bounding with a new passion for everything. Margherita cannot quite place why.

That is, until he tells her that he’s come up with something incredible. He describes to her a new concoction he’s made for himself – one that makes him stronger and pumps the adrenaline through his system like nothing else. He’s finally reignited his passion for life again, he tells her, but he adds that he cannot keep his creation’s effects going for very long. But even still, he’s able to do things he never could do without it.

Jackall is purposefully very vague with his descriptions of what his potion does. He sells the creation off as something that energizes and makes you stronger, like what the potion was supposed to do, but he never once mentions that the damn thing makes him turn into a more selfish aggressive version of himself - That’s tucked quietly under the rug. As I mentioned in this post, Jackall is so tired of working at Barkingham and not getting to do what he wants that he’s willing to permanently turn himself into a more grotesque version of himself if it means that he can get what he wants (nevermind that this would mean that he would be hound forever and would never go back to being anything more than an unshowered impulsive violent mirror version of himself. Jackall come on why didn’t you think this through). The point is, Margherita never learned about Hound before the heist.

Margherita is happy that Jackall found something that excites him, but she wonders why he’s telling her this. Why does he want to turn into a different version of himself full time? She likes him how he is. But she does soon get her answer.

Jackall proposes to her that she and he go on a heist together: Steal the Queen’s jewels. It’ll be a grand adventure for them, some bonding! Margherita can use her superior dueling skills to best the dreary guards at the palace while Jackall takes the jewels to perfect his alchemical solution and become his ‘best self’ forevermore.

Margherita’s not super on board with the idea (stealing the queen’s jewels? When did jackall get that idea?). She’s participated in her own fair share of duels in back alleys, and she’s even stolen some gold before when she was in a pinch, but both of those experiences were far in the past. She’s a respected faculty member for one of the most famous schools in Valencia, she cannot just go galivanting around and get her face slapped onto a wanted poster.

Or so she thinks at first. After turning Jackall’s proposal down, she thinks that’ll be the end of that. Until Jackall lets slip that he’d let her keep the jewels after perfecting his chemical solution. The jewels that adorn the Queen’s crown would fetch quite a pretty penny on the black markets of Valencia, wouldn’t they? And that money could be used as a charitable donation to Margherita’s beloved Opera Nova school, Jackall adds. As soon as the heist is complete and Jackall’s become his better self, he promises he’ll let Margherita take the stolen gems and do whatever she wants with them.

The proposition now seems much more interesting to Margherita. Using the hefty sum the stolen stones would get her, Margherita could breathe new life into the school she loves so much. The crumbling fixtures in classrooms could be restored, higher paychecks would be written for teachers, and new students would practically flood the gates to get in! And hey, why not go on a heist adventure with her closest friend? She trusts him a whole lot, and she knows he trusts her back. After a quick moment of reconsideration, Margherita accepts Jackall’s plan. She’s in.

Also quick note on the whole ‘jackall calling margherita his “Lieutenant” thing’: there’s not really much to say here other than Margherita was certainly jackall’s right hand (wo)man throughout the barkingham heist since she did a lot of the string pulling with him to make it happen. Jackall calls her his lieutenant because it sounds more official than just calling her his ‘person who’s got his back’.

For two weeks, the two work together to concoct a plan to break into the palace (Margherita extends her stay in Marleybone and plans to return back to Valencia as soon as the jewels are hers). As someone who works in the palace, Jackall is able to bring any news of new developments to Margherita for them to brainstorm a way to steal the queen away while everyone in the palace is distracted. Jackall offers they use a noxious gas spewing golem he’d never gotten to use as a palace defense mechanism to render the palace’s guards defenseless, and when Margherita hears from him that an opera singer will be performing at the palace soon, she suggests they bribe said performer into allowing them to sneak in with her crew.

The plan falls into place quite nicely, with Margherita and Jackall working to secure some additional goons to help them with the heist. Margherita works on getting Catrin Cheshire bribed (from one opera singer to another) and Jackall hires Poole and Utterson as back up for the airship’s defenses. Everything looks like itll be going according to plan.

Until it doesn’t. Jackall and Margherita hadn’t accounted for Bones and Watson patrolling the scene, and a wrench gets thrown in their plans when the Young Wizard shows up. Margherita stays positioned on the rooftop the entire night as Jackall carries out the queen kidnapping, and nervously sharpens her swords as more and more cops pour into the palace. Then, when Jackalls finally loaded the Queen into the airship, the young wizard arrives and Margherita faces off with them. Filled with determination and knowing Jackall will defend her if anything goes awry, she battles her heart out.

And as we all know, the young wizard defeats her. This was already unexpected for Margherita, but the most unexpected part was Jackall turning against her. As she catches her breath after the fight, she hears him ascending the ladder to the airship, * without her *, and yelling at her that she’s disappointed him and that he sarcastically hopes she enjoys Newgate. Margherita barely has time to process what just happened when the Barkingham guard arrives on the rooftop and places her in handcuffs, but she has enough time to tell the Young Wizard to go after Jackall.

During the journey from the palace to Newgate, Margherita is seething enough to the point where if you put sand in her mouth and gave it a second, it would have turned into glass. Her life as she knew it would never be the same, and she’d never be able to go back to teaching at the Opera Nova – they would not approve of a wanted criminal who assisted in a queen kidnapping teaching students. Sure, she was mad at getting caught, but she was mostly enraged at up and abandoning her. It.. hurt. This heist was supposed to be something they were doing together, and for her to leave her in the dust the second she loses one duel … it’s not sitting well with her. The decade of friendship and mutual trust the two had for each other is shattered instantly with this moment. Margherita never wants to see Jackall again.

So imagine Margherita’s surprise when Jackall gets tossed into a jail cell right next to hers. Upon seeing her, Jackall quickly blubbers out an excuse and a half assed apology. Margherita decides to ignore this and grabs Jackall’s neck through the jail bars and strangles him until the guards pull them off each other. Jackall earns a well-deserved black-eye during this skirmish and it does not leave for two weeks.

After few months into their life sentences, Jackall does give Margherita an actual apology and tells her how sorry he truly is, how he should never have let something as stupid as his chemicals get in the way of their friendship, how he doesn’t quite know what got ahold of him. He says he was so focused on achieving his best self that he let everything else fall to the wayside. He asks her if she’d be willing to break out of Newgate together, and she begrudgingly accepts, giving him a second chance. It'll take a while before she can fully trust him again, but she's willing to give it a shot, and Jackall is extremely grateful for this. Secretly, she's glad to have her friend back.

From here the au is basically the same as before from Margherita’s side. The two break out of jail, live in the shopping district, and stuff goes on from there. The only change is that Jackall is still struggling with nightmares of Hound threatening to take over, but he does not tell this to Margherita. She still thinks the potion he made gave him boosted stats and power, and nothing else. Even in Jackall’s genuine apology to her, he did not let slip that the adrenaline from becoming his alter ego clouded his best judgement and hopes that she’ll never find out about Hound, especially not in their new lives in Wizard city.

We’ll see how well that works out . anyway that’s it that’s way too many words oh my god

[mmikmmik2]

If you were to sort the Infinity Train cast(s) into the Major Arcana a la the Persona games, which Arcana would you give everyone?

anon I had SOOOOO much fun thinking about this, thank you so much for sending me this. I sorted all the major characters, plus a few other entries, based on a mix of Arcana symbolism, Persona series character archetypes, and general vibes. I came up with answers I feel pretty good about for all but four of the Arcana. (Was really tempted to say Strength is every human character who doesn't board the train because they can handle their problems on their own lol.) This is going to be a long-winded post, so I thought I’d post just the list as an image (which hopefully won’t be too blurry!) rather than wrestle with Tumblr formatting trying to make a short list, and put a big text wall under the readmore talking more about my picks.

If this list does end up illegible, the same info is under the readmore as text! Plus some characters for Magician, Strength, Justice, and Death that I didn’t want to add to the “official” list because they’re more based on headcanon. (Although my reasoning for some of the “official” picks is pretty weak lol.)

One-One as 0. The Fool

Oh my gosh, what am I?

IT is great at fleshing out character backstories and families, so One-One at the beginning of S1 is one of the few characters who really feels like a blank slate. He's got a lot of his baggage back by the end of the season, and I think One and One-One are more similar than they seem at first glance, but S1 does seem to have been very formative for One-One and how he thinks about what he's supposed to be doing and how he relates to other people. So it does kind of feel like his fool's journey.

Alrick Timmens as I. The Magician

The magician begins the journey... by beefing it on a dirt bike, dying, and sending his wife flying off the deep end. Rip.

Alrick was an engineer like Amelia, so I could see him suiting some of the themes of the Magician, like conscious thought and manifesting ideas. His apparent playfulness and insecurity are similar to the Magician characters in Persona.

Kez as II. The High Priestess

“We can’t make this decision for you, Kez.” “You know what to do.”

I thought really hard about making Kez the Magician because just like every Magician since Persona 3, she's dumb, horny, and insecure dlkjasfdkl

(and also her showing up at the start of the story arc and being helpful but also super needy is very Magician)

But the idea of "intuition" really does suit Kez. Sometimes her intuition is as bad as her conscious reasoning, but I think that's a lot because she's so confused about what happened with Jeremy, and Morgan making Kez feel like she did a bad thing by helping him.

Tuba as III. The Empress

She made me feel like I was warm all the time.

Tuba's a mom. Sorry, this one's not that deep, haha.

Simon Laurent as IV. The Emperor

Highest number! I'm the leader now.

Simon has a lot of issues, but the one that felt the most prominent to me was his unhealthy relationship with power, authority, dominance, and rules. Another quote I considered using here was what he said in Grace's memory of meeting Amelia: "I never thought I'd get to see the Conductor with my own eyes. He's perfect! Everything finally makes sense again." In his emotional crisis, he thought everything could be fixed just by the existence of a huge, scary, powerful, male authority figure, even if they weren't doing anything helpful or informative.

Atticus as V. The Hierophant

I like to think that our stones are sturdy and handsome, like the Corgis that crafted them.

Atticus is a figure of traditional authority who deeply loves the history, society, and culture of his people. He often provides spiritual wisdom and encourages Tulip to get out of her own head and engage with the world around her. Also in Persona, Hiero is the Dad Arcana so it's very funny to me (a) to make the little dog be Hiero and (b) that the little dog really does have the strongest Wholesome Dad Energy of the whole cast.

Jesse Cosay as VI. The Lovers

Don't tell me what to do. I'm not going to be a part of anything like this, on or off the train.

This was my first and easiest pick lol, Jesse is sooooo Lovers. Like, the focus on choice and personal values and relationships? Yep, that's Jesse. It works on an "actual meaning of the Arcana" level and a "vibes with the Persona characters" level lol... popular, upbeat, and having such an identity crisis.

Lake as VII. The Chariot

I'm my own person, who is getting off this train!

I don't know if Chariot captures all the ways Lake grew over the course of S2, but I feel like they had the most externally focused conflict of all the IT characters, which suits Chariot. They've been fighting to stake out their personhood from start to finish, and they took action and used their willpower to achieve that goal. Also they have at least a little jock energy which is a prereq for Chariot tbh.

Frank as VIII. Strength

I dunno, I kinda imagine him as a simple man and easily underestimated, but with a lot of heart. The Cat may say they're keeping things casual but I don't think she'd take him with her on her private vacation unless he had some kind of inner toughness that would let him stand toe-to-toe with her.

Morgan as IX. The Hermit

I need to be alone right now. Kez... maybe... we can talk later.

I like that Morgan embodies toxic self-isolation and stonewalling and rejection, but that she seems to be moving towards the positive aspects of Hermit and taking some time to calm down and process and think. I like it when characters can embody the best and worst of their Arcana.

Tulip Olsen as X. The Wheel of Fortune

We have to adapt to the changes in our lives. It's the only way things can get better.

Tulip has a lot of themes and conflicts, but this one is a clear standout as the most important. I also like it for Tulip because, while she has to handle a lot of difficult and even traumatic situations, some of the change that challenges her isn't as unambiguously bad as e.g. the death of a loved one. It really is just change itself she's struggling with, and that's Fortune babey. Also, from the perspective of the train itself and lots of other characters, by reversing Amelia and One-One's positions again and changing how One-One administrates the train, Tulip is the one giving the wheel a spin. That's fun.

Lucy as XI. Justice

One of my friends once described the Justice characters in Persona as "the ones the player character is ultimately accountable towards", and I like to think of Lucy as kind of being that for Grace (...since Hazel has excused herself). Lucy is the Apex kid we see Grace interact with the most, the first Apex kid Grace admitted to herself that she had harmed (see Grace very briefly showing distress and then regret when Jesse points the harpoons at his face and she stops him), and the first person to confront Grace when she came home in The New Apex.

Min-Gi Park as XII. The Hanged Man

I don't know if we'll sell a single album, but we'll figure that out as we go.

Min-Gi sacrifices his "realistic", "sensible" goals for a more personally (spiritually, even?) enriching life that's beyond his control and outside of the expected norm. Like the Hanged Man, who dangles foolishly upside-down, but as a deliberate choice and in a state of serenity and enlightenment. I also think this arcana suits a reading of Min-Gi's character development as starting off going slower as a way to stall and live in denial, but then going slower with deliberation. Compare his arrogant insistence on refusing to act in The Astro Queue Car to his patience and care in The Castle Car and The Train to Nowhere.

Jeremy as XIII. Death

This isn't about the death of his family - I'm thinking of his reluctance to admit his number was going down. He cared about Morgan and Kez, and it's possible both that he may have really wanted to stay with them despite his exit and that that might even have been a healthy choice - they're real ass people with feelings and everything, not holodeck characters. But I also think Jeremy was using his life with them to avoid moving on out of that fog (because it was hard and it hurt and he didn't want to think about what that would mean for him and Morgan) and Morgan was enabling him.

Ryan Akagi as XIV. Temperance

Maybe the experience is the point. I wasn't just rushing you. I was rushing myself.

I think this one speaks for itself. Also, the other quote I considered putting here, from The Art Gallery Car: "You told me I can't appreciate the song without taking in the rest of the album. I need the whole package."

The Cat as XV. The Devil

I always do the right thing.

Honestly, this is one I really wasn't sure about. The Cat isn't a great pick for a lot of the meanings of Devil. She is definitely consumed by material comforts, and the short-term rewards of ignoring her issues at a long-term cost, though. This is more of a "vibes with Persona characters with this arcana" pick... Devil characters tend to start off being somewhat exploitative or even antagonistic towards the player character, and gradually showing a more conflicted and genuine side.

Amelia Hughes as XVI. The Tower

There's a hole in the universe where Alrick used to be.

Amelia's life is defined by catastrophe and upheaval - both those she's suffered and those she's inflicted on others.

Hazel as XVII. The Star

I'm going to keep loving you like you're still here.

When I think of "The Star" as a small but inextinguishable light in the darkness, Hazel seems like the obvious choice. Although we left her deeply wounded, I think she still has a flicker of her hope, faith, and purpose.

Grace Monroe as XVIII. The Moon

But it's unfair for me to tell you how to understand yourself. I mean, I don't even fully understand me.

Grace is probably the most complex and dynamic character on the show and hence one of the most difficult to place. I considered Empress, Strength, Devil, and Judgement for her... I think ultimately, lies and illusions are the most unifying theme of her character arc. Also, from a Persona angle, her pursuit of status out of a lack of true self-worth reminds me of Ai and Mishima.

Alan Dracula as XIX. The Sun

Brought together by the majesty of a superpowered deer!

I'm sorry dkjasfklads this is largely because I thought it was funny to have this completely inexpressive dead-eyed deer as Sun akfk but also... like... it kind of works okay!!! Think about the genuine joy and comfort and positivity he brings to Lake and Jesse (and me)!

The New Apex as XX. Judgement

"Then what are we gonna be?" "Guess we'll have to figure it out?"

This is kind of a Persona mythology gag again because of Judgement being a group social link near the end of the narratives of P3 and P4, when the protagonists have pierced through the lies and actually figured out who the villain of their game is and are ready to really start making progress.

0 as XI. The World

Ah, train does it again!

It's an ending and the completion of a journey, but also the beginning of a new one. And the world is literally what the passengers receive at the end of their train journey. Welcome home.

[poetzproblem]

hey poetz! hope you’re doing well and had good holidays and a nice new year’s. i think these yearly messages are my oldest new year’s tradition at this point (year 8 babey!) i just wanted to wish you a great 2022 and once again thank you for your wonderful words. your art has influenced my life immensely. here’s to a good one!

Hey, nice to hear from you.

It's been a quiet holiday for me, though the last couple of months have been busy work wise, so I'm ready for a slowdown. Thank you for continuing this tradition of yours. Hope you have a great 2022 as well.

May the new year treat us all better than the last.

[drabbles-of-writing]

Please gush more about this wings AU thing

aaaAAAAAA sir you’ve opened the floodgates

K so most things are similar to canon? But there’s wings and that’s fun. Luz is just a common lil house sparrow, nothing particularly special about her. Eda, on the other hand, is a whole melting pot. Hybrids between different species are a thing, but the thing is, the hybrid traits show up in color and mannerisms of said bird. Wing shape sticks to only one specific species. Eda got the owl gene, but has a mess of other birds in her, too. She’s got raven (shiny things), cardinal, scarlet tanager, vulture, probably goose, and many others. Lilith was given the raven wing shape, which added to the reason on why she dyed her hair, so she can at least look like a pureblood.

Willow was pretty easy, hummingbirds fit her Aesthetic. But she’s also Buff, and I thought it’d be funny if she was a giant hummingbird, since those bad boys are, as far as I know, bigger than house sparrows. Gus was a little more difficult. I wanted a small bird, but I didn’t know which. Then I looked up the white-breasted nuthatch and found that 1. they are very loud. 2. they will fight bigger birds. So obviously I had to go with that. Gus is babey but he is loud and he will fight. probably a bit of a mix with chickadee or finch in there somewhere, too. A fast bird just seemed to fit Amity. But I wanted a fast but dainty-ish bird, not like a hawk or eagle. She was almost a gyrfalcon, but mutuals thought an american kestrel would fit her better. They are tiny, they are fast, and they are babey. Mattholomule was obvious. Shrikes are assholes. That’s just how it is. Boscha gave off the vibe of a bird of prey who would destroy me. But parrots could also bite my face off without blinking so I went with pretty and deadly. Lovebirds have a color similar to Boscha and also her being a bird with that name was funny so I chose it. Skara as a songbird was obvious, she’s in the bard track after all. So a nightingale was inevitable. Simple feathers, but with a beautiful voice. Viney,,,,,,honestly I just thought of birds that hang around other animals and came up with Oxpecker. She’s also probably a bit of a melting pot with dove, egret, and a couple different starlings. Jerbo is tall. Secretary birds are tall. Enough said. Belos was almost a bearded vulture, but I decided against it. I decided “let’s give him the biggest wings imaginable. simply because I can” so I chose the wandering albatross, the bird with a wingspan of twelve feet. Yeah, they’re thin, but these guys can also fly for a really long time, and idk, I thought the threat of that looked interesting.

In this AU, the rich don’t really,,,,fly. Flying, in the high-class, is seen as too much work. People who don’t fly are seen as powerful because they have better things to do, or they simply have no need for it. This has led to a couple of high-folk simply,,,,,not knowing how to fly. Also a lot of wing muscle issues. The twins can fly, not well, but they can fly. Amity, on the other hand.....can’t. At all. Of course, nobody else knows this. Choosing not to fly is one thing, but not knowing how is a disgrace. 

Luz is a different story. She uses her wings all the time, which helps strengthen them. It’s not just because she flies often, but because she is constantly moving them. She uses them as extra hands to push and pull things, she flaps them excitedly and hovers an inch or two off the ground when excited, she hangs them when she’s tired or sad, she flares them when she’s mad, and she just moves them around when she talks or is showing off something. She simply cannot hold them still. Which is fine for her, since sparrow wings are small and thin, but for Eda, who also moves her wings a lot, it’s a hassle. It’s a common occurrence for something to fall over in the Owl House because neither of these two can hold still.

Also, they have more than just wings. That’s some weak shit right there. They’ve got tails, patches of feathers, can make chirps similar to their species, if their species has crests of feathers or a certain piece of feather(s) that stands out, it shows up. Along with dots of color if it stands out. Peacocks have those three frills on their heads plus faint whites around their eyes, turkeys have those dangly things I’m too lazy to look up the name of, and sometimes the size of the bird affects a person's height. The whole sha bam. It’s hell for Eda, who’s a blend of at least 5 different birds. What surprise will today bring? Who knows!

There’s also of course, accessories and fashion for wings. Jewelry, ribbons, scarves and silk that can be pinned or pierced on wings and sometimes tails. Of course, the rich have the most lavish, but the prettier ones are usually very heavy and weigh down flight near completely. And trying to fly with ribbons or silk around wings is difficult, and can tangle and cause birds to crash. In fact, some types of silk or techniques for fashioning wings are banned or heavily mandated due to the hazards and accidents that occur. Fake feathers are also a thing, usually for those who want their wings to look more grand, hide knives in their wings, or, recently, to hide clipped wings. Binding wings are also a thing, though they are typically only for prisoners or for people with such big/broken wings that they can’t keep them closed properly. These are usually covers that wrap around the entire abdomen to keep the wings shut, but for people who don’t want others to know they need them binded, there are thin strings that stretch across the backs of wings that hold them shut or up at a certain angle. Some people put painful pricks right underneath their scapulars to keep their wings at a regal posture. There are also piercings. Some are rings, some are simply nubs. A common piercing is to piercing the base and tip of the membrane and hang a thin chain between the two. Emperor Belos has a tradition of stabbing hooks through the membrane of prisoners and hanging them by their wings alone before they are to be petrified. 

There’s also a little unofficial tradition with gifting feathers. A person will pluck a feather from their wings (sometimes tails but that’s more uncommon) and give it to someone. The more important the feather, the more you mean to someone. It’s not inherently romantic, it’s more of a way you show you care about someone, but it can be. Scapular (base feathers) and primary feathers are the important ones. They’re the feathers that are the closest to said person or their the feathers that are required for flight, they’re usually shown off with pride when they’re gifted to someone. Often a simple string with the single feather on it, but earrings and bracelets are also used. 

Luz has a necklace each from her friends and family. She has a primary feather from her mother, a primary and scapular feather from Eda, a primary covert from Willow, and a secondary covert from Gus. She would later get a secondary feather from Amity that would eventually be replaced with a primary feather. She keeps them all on one necklace in her room and switches them up every now and again. Sometimes she’ll wear only one feather, sometimes she’ll wear a few, or all at once. There’s no particular pattern, she just wears what she wants to that day. 

The grom note in Enchanting Grom Fright is replaced with Amity wanting to give someone a marginal covert feather (she was going to go with scapular but decided that might be too much). Luz going with her to grom coincides with her gifting a secondary feather to Amity, and Amity gifting the same type back. Amity kept that feather with her at near all-times as a necklace she hides under her shirt. A secondary and primary covert feather from Willow and Gus respectively would soon join Luz’s every now and again.

Luz would also teach Amity how to fly, once she realizes that Amity can’t. Course it’s in secret, nobody can know that Amity Blight can’t fly, but Willow and Gus do show up to help. Thing is, it hurts. Amity has barely used her wings in fourteen years. Her parents always made her hold them at a certain angle and she could barely express herself with them. They were more like large pieces of jewelry than anything. So when first learning to fly, she has to stop after only ten minutes, because her wings hurt. They ache and cramp and she’s convinced it’s too late for her to learn how to fly, her wings simply aren’t used to it. Luz, not one to back out on her word, basically becomes a coach instructor. Once a week she drags Amity off into a clearing where nobody else is and basically chucks her into the sky (stronk wings). And after a while, Amity’s able to go longer while gliding or warming up her wings. Ten minutes becomes fifteen, then twenty, then thirty, and suddenly, she can go over an hour practicing without getting tired. And you better believe she shows off to Willow and Gus. Maybe even Lilith a little bit during training, though that’s mostly on accident. Races, of course, happen a lot. 

I’m already ramblin’ a lot and I do wanna write this eventually, so I’ll stop here for now. But know that there are romantic flights, Amity’s parents do not like the ‘common species,’ wings can be clipped, Eda is not immune to wing injury, and Barcus is trying to avoid all the bird drama, unsuccessfully.

[inber]

Vegas Baby - Part 1/2 of a Very Dumb Geraskier Headcanon

Jaskier is getting MARRIED to the love of his life, and he's wildly excited and Geralt has to be his best man.

As such, a bachelor party is in order. Jaskier thinks about getting the lads together for something traditional, but he looks at the budget (Valdo, his fiancé, is wealthy af) and he says no, my bff and I are going to hit Vegas babey!

So he and Geralt rent a fire-engine red Porche, cram it with (mostly Jaskier's) luggage, and road trip from California to Nevada.

Geralt tells Jaskier that if he tells anyone that they sung along to the entire Les Misérables soundtrack on the way (including a teary solo rendition of 'On My Own' by Geralt) that he'll ask his flatmate Yen to hex him, and Jaskier is juuust scared enough of Yen to quietly delete the instagram stories he recorded.

They arrive at The Bellagio hotel and check into the Chairman suite, trying to act like they belong there in the private elevator (Jaskier has mustard on his chin from the diner they stopped at for lunch) and once they've tipped the bellhop, and the door is closed, they go on a frantic exploring spree that ends with selfies taken on the balcony, and then a few of Jaskier lounging on a chaise, shirtless.

Geralt wonders if the bottle of Cristal in the bar fridge comes with the room, and they debate it for a moment before Jaskier declares it's his special day (it's not, Geralt reminds him, that's the wedding) and they pop it open, toast, and start drinking.

Maybe they should've eaten a proper dinner but eh, they figure there will be food downstairs, as they make use of the rainfall showers and change into their party clothes - tight, clean Levis and a crisp deep burgandy button-up shirt for Geralt, casually rolled to the elbows, paired with black leather loafers.

Jaskier emerges from his bedroom in a pair of black leather trousers, converse that are covered with white swarovski crystals, a tank top that says 'bride to be' in light blue script, a faux-fur leopard print coat, and a tumble of necklaces. Geralt rolls his eyes, absolutely refuses to wear the sash that says 'bridesmaid', and eventually relents when Jaskier gets all pouty, letting him place a tiny tiara at the topknot on his head as a compromise.

About four drinks down now, they hit the casino floor. Jaskier swipes Valdo's magic card and woop, they're taken to a high roller room and suddenly all their drinks are complimentary, so long as they keep betting.

Initially, Geralt is cautious as they play poker (Jaskier's poker face is non existent; he giggles when he thinks he has a good hand) but as his whisky is refilled again and again he starts to think, fuck it, and bets higher.

Jaskier goes all in at the first hand, wins, tries it a second time, and loses $20k. "Bollocks." He muses, before making another withdrawal.

The house is winning, then Geralt is winning - Jaskier is throwing back cocktails like a dehydrated man in the desert, rather taken by a $500 per spin slot machine - and then Geralt realises he's pretty drunk when he bluffs on a bet, only to discover that oh, he had a flush. Neat. He pockets the chip worth 200k in his jeans, collects Jaskier (who is now trying to convince the croupier to let him spin the roulette wheel) and stumbles out onto the strip to celebrate.

They find a street performer who looks like Superman and Jaskier pays him fifty bucks to take his shirt off and Geralt takes a kind-of wonky picture. Then they demolish some nachos from a vendor. The last clear memory that either of them have is that they decided, firmly, that doing jager bombs in a bar called 'The Lucky Goat' was a sterling idea.

The next day. Oh, lord.

Geralt wakes up first. For a moment he has no clue where he is, 'til the sound of Jaskier snoring beside him filters into his consciousness. He realises he's got one arm draped across the other man, and aside from some... feathers in their hair? They are both very naked.

And oh, Geralt spies an upturned bottle of lube on the floor, and a scattering of condom packets -- some open -- and he winces. His head is pounding and his mouth tastes like poor choices and feels like sand and just as Jaskier starts to come to, he feels the weight of something on his left hand.

Oh, no. No no no no no.

With mounting dread, he raises his hand, and looks at the shiny gold ring there. Jaskier groans, rolling closer to Geralt, and he sees the matching band on his best friend's finger.

His new husband's finger, apparently.

This is something that happens in dumb stories and films, Geralt tries to reason, as his stomach churns with hangover and terror. His eyes dart to the dresser across the room. There's a keepsake box that says OUR WEDDING on the lid. He can see a USB drive poking out.

Jaskier's bleary eyes creak open, and he muffles a sob, groaning something about how they couldn't have drunk that much, why did he feel so fuckin' wrecked, and Geralt wants to scream but he's frozen and staring at that USB, desperately trying to recall beyond the nachos.

"Um. Geralt?" Jaskier's voice is hesitant and rough.

"Yeah?" His own is just as scratchy.

"Did... did we fuck?"

Geralt winces. "I think a lot happened last night."

Jaskier rubs his face, reaches for water with his left hand, and completely tenses up. His ring glitters in the afternoon sun. "...I see that." He whispers.

Geralt makes a noise halfway between a wail and a moan, and eases out of bed. The world spins. He might still be drunk. "There's a video, I think." He points at the USB, "But I... need electrolytes. Or to puke. Maybe one first, then the other." He grunts with decision, and slumps off to the bathroom.

Jaskier looks at the keepsake box, looks at the ring, rolls over face-down into his pillow and screams.

[andorwhore]

Saudade - IV of VII

Chapter IV of VII: Care

summary: A year in the life of a rebel with a cause and a rebel in search of one… chapter four: Lose has a tendency to bring people close, and that can be daunting.

author’s note: Who hasn’t updated since October? I guess it’s me, the resident asshole author. I took a very long and unexpected break from writing due to school and work, and I still haven’t written any new content unfortunately. But I thought it would be a shame to let this complete chapter sit around unpublished. So, I’m hoping that this will motivate me to finish up this story (and potentially add that new chapter I’ve been considering). And if I never get around to wrapping this fic up, at the very least this is the perfect chapter to leave it on.

pairing: Cassian Andor x OC word count: 11,465 (longest one yet babey) rating: T, eventual R warnings: is ~*~intimacy~*~ something that requires a warning lol

chapter one || chapter two || chapter three || chapter four

[ff.net] [ao3]

taglist: @justanotherblonde23​

The Festival of Stars was a celebration Jai was quite familiar with, or at least as familiar as the average person could be. She didn't know the exact origin of the festival week, though she knew it had something to do with interstellar space travel; what she did know with certainty is that every year, the Ring of Kafrene became overloaded with travelers during the holiday, en route to destinations all across the galaxy. On Kafrene, the people took to celebrating it as well, though as Jai got older she realized it was a means of ripping off all the gullible tourists that made pit stops on the colony. Residents of Kafrene were smart to jump on the opportunity, Jai's friends and family included, and ironically enough, because of the locals' investment in playing travelers for fools, the festival in its own way became a part of what little culture Kafrene had.

Jai hadn't expected to hear anything about the festival on Yavin 4. Hell, she all but forgot about the holiday week, the last six months of her life having been all consumed by Alliance business. She first heard someone mention the Festival of Stars just as they were heading back to the base after a mission to a planet called Naator (this being yet another world Jai had no prior knowledge of). She was brought along on the mission as tech support, though Jai was fairly certain she wouldn't be needed.

She had ended up spending a whole day on Naator just sitting in the ship and waiting for her team to return. The most thrilling thing that happened to Jai was when some local animal spooked her as she did an engine check in the morning, and she nearly fried the creature with her blaster. Her team returned successful, and they were off of the planet just as quickly as they had arrived.

As they started on their few hours journey to return back to Yavin 4, one of the team members reminded everyone that the holiday was going on that week, and that they should make a pit stop to pick up a few things to celebrate. Jai listened with intrigue as the group excitedly discussed the festivity, curious to hear about it from the perspective of those that didn't grow up trying to find ways to profit off of the holiday.

Apparently, quite a number of the rebels celebrated it every year, along with the other two Fete Weeks. Jai, of course, didn't know about these other weeks - they had their own dumb holidays back on the Ring of Kafrene, and the Festival of Stars was the only one she knew of that was celebrated in all corners of the galaxy. Rebels, no matter what planet they came from, all seemed to love the holiday, saw it as an opportunity to relax and forget their responsibilities for a while.

Although the festival was traditionally celebrated over the course of five days, the Rebellion only had two evenings unofficially dedicated to it - after all, it wouldn't be very practical if they spent an entire week partying. The "unofficial" part, someone explained to Jai, was because the council of superiors didn't recognize it as any kind of reprieve from work - they were happy to allow their rebels to celebrate, and even happy to take part in the festivities if time allowed, but the Festival of Stars wasn't something marked on everyone's calendars as time off. In the Rebellion, there was no such thing as time off. If someone was lucky enough to have one of the two evenings free, then they were welcome to join in the party.

Jai's team were all planning to attend once they got back to Yavin 4, encouraging the slicer to join them - and Jai was never one to turn down a party.

The Naator mission team ended up going a little crazy during their pit stop on one of the planets in the nearest trading belt - apparently, Jai observed, the Festival of Stars was more like the Festival of Drinking among the rebels. They grabbed everything from spicebrew to malts to drinks that Jai had never even heard of; and, of course, she made sure they grabbed as much Merenzane Gold as they could manage. Jai could only wonder just how much alcohol there would be at base once the other rebels returned from their missions as well, all surely having the same idea as her team.

By the time they returned to Yavin 4, evening was slowly closing in, and the hangar seemed far more crowded than usual - it would seem the partying was far too big for the confines of the mess hall, as the rebels took to setting up out here instead. The Naator team was already buzzing with impatience as the gunship settled on the tarmac, everyone waiting to jump out and join the party that had just begun over on the west side of the hangar. Everyone grabbed up the boxes of alcohol scattered across the ship - Jai made sure she grabbed at least one of the crates of Merenzane.

As she stepped off of the ship, Jai felt a warmth swelling in her chest, hearing her teammates chattering excitedly and the carefree voices of their fellow rebels drifting towards them from the west side. Back home, Jai and her brothers loved the Festival of Stars, and they almost always managed to convince Tillian and Vinis to let them run off amongst the crowds each evening rather than have them work at Vinis' shop in the market (or have them take advantage of the tourists' guards being down). When the three of them were out together, watching the performances other locals put on, hearing the excited chatter of people on the streets, climbing up on rooftops to watch the crowd with interest and awe, they were unstoppable. They always ended those evenings on the roof of their home, staying up into the wee hours of the mornings to watch all of the excitement - up there, they felt as if they were on top of the entire world.

Those were simpler times, before Tillian passed, before Jai's brother ran off with some unscrupulous stranger, when they were still young and hopeful and without a care in the world. Jai missed those days and missed what her family used to be. The holiday didn't feel the same after they lost Tillian, and by the time her brother left, the festival was practically nonexistent to her - they could never go back to the dream of their childhood, and Jai had come to accept that. But as she walked through the hangar with her excited teammates, each with a bit of a skip in their steps, Jai felt as if this could start a new festival tradition for her, one that, though not the same as that of her past, would be just as good. This was the next chapter of her life, and with the next chapter came new things to love and be excited about.

Another half a dozen or so ships had pulled into the hangar after the Naator team, all landing on the opposite end of the hangar from where the enlivened rebels were setting up drinks and tables. Jai was about halfway to her destination when she looked back towards the new ships, but they were too far off for her to immediately identify any of them. Beside her, the team leader, Kinall, asked Jai if she felt steady enough to take another box of alcohol on top of the one she already had - Kinall had to head up to Command to report to her superior about the mission. Jai gave a histrionic sigh, but agreed to take the second crate, readjusting her grip on the box of Merenzane Gold before Kinall set the second box atop it. The captain spun around to head towards the turbolift, Jai watching her walk off while she ensured her grip was steady before continuing towards the party.

"I think you have a drinking problem." a voice teased noncommittally from somewhere behind Jai, causing a smile to pull across her face as she rolled her eyes. Turning around carefully so as not to drop anything, she spotted Cassian and K-2SO approaching her, looking as if they, too, had just returned from a mission. Cassian had a teasing smirk on his lips, and yet the expression didn't even remotely reach his eyes; and, though Kay was expressionless, he still somehow seemed eternally judgmental.

"My only drinking problem is that I haven't had enough yet to deal with you." Jai retorted, looking past Cassian at all the other rebels that had come back from their various missions, wondering briefly if Cassian had gone with a team or if his job had been solo.

Nearly everyone returned with something in hand, most of which Jai was sure had to be booze, though unsurprisingly, Cassian was empty handed.

For another moment, Jai watched the other rebels as most of them walked in her direction, though she noted the few that quickly made their way for the turbolift instead, heads down and expressions distraught. Must have been a sour mission that dampened their mood.

Jai looked between Cassian and the two crates she carried as they began to feel even heavier, "Help a girl out, would you?"

Cassian glanced with disinterest at the boxes in her arms, though Jai could now recognize the waggish glint on his face that, once again, didn't quite seem to reach his eyes, "You look like you've got a handle on it."

She gave him a small glare before turning her eyes up towards K-2SO, but before Jai could say anything, the droid spoke, "Don't assume I'll help you with it."

Jai scoffed, "Such gentlemen…"

She and Cassian met eyes again as he gave a tired, agreeing grin, stepping up to take the top box from her, Jai's arms immediately feeling relieved at the lightened load. As she turned back around for them to head toward the tables, she eyed Cassian curiously, noticing that his posture seemed exhausted and his face worn.

"What, didn't bring anything for the party?" The man looked back at her, his expression a little less amused than before. His lips seemed to press tightly together for a slight second. There was something on his mind, that much Jai could discern, but she was certain that Cassian would avoid mentioning it.

"I have no interest in parties."

Jai shouldn't have been at all surprised by the answer. Of course Cassian wasn't the party going type - he preferred his brooding to having a good time. Ever since their night of drinking two months back, Jai hadn't been able to get him to do so since. Sure, Cassian had a drink here or there that she knew of, but the two haven't since sat down and dedicated a couple of hours to simply drinking and chatting as freely and carelessly as they had back then. That evening caused a shift in their relationship, even if by this point they couldn't exactly remember all of that night.

They were friends now, even if Cassian refused to ever say so out loud. That didn't mean they saw each other everyday nor did they have the chances to make great efforts to spend time together, however, they could both feel it in the way they talked, the way they seemed to feel more at ease with one another, the way they simply seemed to fit together.

Jai had somehow convinced Cassian to spend meals with her and her other friends in the mess hall on a few rare occasions, and when she wasn't busy with something Jai wandered her way to Cassian's ship or up to the control room to take some time to chat with him if she knew he was around base. Neither had been back to the other's dorm, however - that evening months ago was a strange exception, and without saying so they both had a feeling that the next time that happened, it'd be very different from that time before.

Jai liked Cassian - most of the time, she was pretty sure she knew it was just as a friend, but every now and again she caught herself looking at him a certain way, looking at him with a warmth in her chest that she didn't feel often enough to be able to surely identify it. It didn't linger all too often, but when it did it wasn't easy to ignore; Jai could tell herself it was the kind of warmth one felt for a friend, but then she'd catch herself admiring him too closely or getting lost somewhere in her head if someone mentioned his name, and she knew there was no way this warmth was simply one of friendship.

It wasn't a crush - that word certainly felt too juvenile to describe whatever this was. Jai simply saw it as the part of her that got caught up in the "what ifs" - what if we met in a different way in a different place, what if we weren't in this rebellion, what if he wasn't so guarded and distant? The "what ifs" were casual and non committal - they weren't real wants or desires, Jai told herself. They were simple considerations that passed through her mind as if they were foolish impulses, like those pesky voices that asked "what if you just shocked yourself with one of your tools to see what would happen" or "what if you went and jumped out of a ship without taking any precautions?"

And this was a ship that Jai had no intention of jumping out of - it was better if it all just stayed up in her head. She didn't dare let herself wonder if Cassian ever had those random intrusive thoughts - he struck her as the kind of guy who simply didn't have the time for intrusive thoughts. Even when he wasn't busy, his mind was at work, and there was no room for useless thinking as far as she could tell.

So, the fact that Cassian didn't do parties was something Jai could have guessed about him - just like useless thoughts, Cassian didn't seem to have time for useless events either. Though, it was still disappointing to hear from him, because Jai saw Cassian as someone that was in desperate need of some lighthearted fun every now and again.

Jai hummed as they set the crates atop a table full of alcohol of all varieties, other rebels already swarming to grab some for themselves, "That's a shame, I really could use someone to help me drink all this Merenzane."

As she grinned at Cassian, Jai snagged a bottle of her favorite drink before they could all disappear. Cassian glanced at the bottle before his eyes flicked back up to meet Jai's for a moment with a raised brow; he looked behind himself at Kay as if he could get Cassian out of this party, but the damned droid had already retreated with disinterest.

"You'll have to find another drinking partner, Jai." He replied plainly… no, it wasn't plain, he sounded exhausted; he knew, though, that the woman almost surely wasn't going to accept his answer. Jai was persistent when she wanted to be, and something about Cassian always seemed to make her more tenacious than she usually was. Cassian discovered that, apparently, after making some passing comment to someone about Jai's persistence, she was never so stubborn with others, as his comment surprised the rebel he was talking to. She must have reserved all of that tiresome stubbornness for him and him alone. Upon discovering that, Cassian repeatedly had to stop himself from overthinking what that meant.

Cassian could tell from the look in Jai's eyes that she was about to attempt to persuade him to stay for a little while, and he could also see that she was hoping that she'd succeed. Giving her his own resolute look, Cassian turned his shoulder and started walking out of the crowd of other rebels.

"You know you can relax every now and again." Jai's voice chimed up from right alongside him; she sounded caring, as if she wasn't simply asking for his company, but asking for him to be at ease for once, "Maybe a party would be good for you."

"I think not." He glanced down at her. His tone nor his expression were either harsh or dismissive, but that weariness Jai spotted earlier seemed almost more present in his eyes, "I have to go debrief with Draven."

Jai couldn't argue with that particular point, knowing it to be true, though she was sure a debriefing couldn't take up much of his time. She sighed a little through her nose as she looked down at the Merenzane she was carrying. Something seemed to be bothering Cassian, or maybe this last mission was just so draining that he couldn't commit himself to socializing.

"Come back down for one drink?" She tried one final time, seeing the consideration on Cassian's face when she looked back toward him.

A part of Cassian wanted to say yes. Despite how awful he felt, and despite his complete lack of interest in the Festival of Stars, a part of him wanted to agree to a drink with some good company. He began to consider that maybe a drink is exactly what his drained heart needed right now, what his weathered mind could use. Though he wasn't keen on joining a pointless party, Cassian felt some kind of pull towards spending time with Jai, especially given the way she looked at him with such hopefulness. Whether that be because he was fond of her or because he knew he had something important to say to her, he wasn't sure.

After all these months, Jai had become a friend, though her tactics were relatively new ones to him - any time she was told "Cassian doesn't do this" or "Cassian doesn't like that," she blatantly did whatever those things were to challenge them, to test them and see if they were true or if simply no one else dared to try to get any closer to him.

Cassian would have expected himself to become annoyed by Jai's persistence, but despite himself he found that he respected it, found that he even came to genuinely like it - because he kept so many people at arm's length, he was refreshed by Jai's resolve to get to know him, to be his friend and to see him open up. Sure, Jai's disregard for his space could occasionally be a pain in his ass, but more often than not it turned out to be exactly what Cassian needed in a companion, in a friend, in… well, he didn't want to consider what she could be beyond a friend.

Jai raised one brow as a grin spread across her lips - Cassian's silent consideration was a promising reaction, she had come to learn. The silence meant he was interested in her offer, at least to some degree, he just simply didn't want to admit so. As he recognized the look on Jai's face, Cassian sighed with an indignant roll of his eyes.

He lifted his index finger between them for emphasis, "One drink."

Jai's smile grew wider as she motioned with her head towards the turbolift, hoping her smile would help lift some of that obvious stress off of his shoulders, "Go take care of your debriefing, captain."

The trace of a sad smile pulled at Cassian's face as he turned away from the woman to make his retreat. Jai watched him go with a content expression, eyeing her friend closely until finally the doors of the lift closed, only catching at the very last second that there appeared to be some kind of a sadness in his eyes.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~

Jai had a feeling Cassian was going to flake on her.

Captain Kinall from Jai's mission already returned to the hangar, and the woman had gone up to command only a few minutes before Cassian. She'd been back long enough to finish one drink, and Jai found herself wondering if Cassian's debriefing had run over, or if he changed his mind and went back to his dorm without telling her.

She shouldn't be upset at him. It felt childish, this anxiety that bubbled in Jai's chest as she considered why Cassian didn't show. If he didn't want to join her for a drink, then so be it - she shouldn't let herself get upset over that, it was far too out of character.

But a small, nagging part of Jai was, at the very least, disappointed - despite how uneventful their conversations could be sometimes, she nonetheless was looking forward to getting some time with Cassian tonight. She always looked forward to even the briefest of minutes she got to see him.

Jai sat at one of the tables dragged out for the party, Abe and Miona across from her, and beside her another doctor named Pek. For what felt like the hundredth time, Miona was encouraging Abe to talk to another rebel that he fancied, and Pek was telling Miona and Jai to stop pestering him about it.

Of all the twi'leks Jai had met through the years, Abe was by far the most peculiar - the twi'leks back on Kafrene always seemed bold, fearless, and without any hesitation, but Abe was constantly getting caught up in his own head, always questioning and calculating everything before coming to any decision. It's what Jai found charming about him; the fact that he shared that quality with her younger brother is what drew her to Abe in the first place.

"Jai," Miona's voice stressed, drawing her friend from her daze - stupidly, Jai had been staring at the turbolift and once more got caught up wondering where Cassian was. Jai quickly collected herself, looking around the table, "Tell Abe he just needs to go talk to Chiri."

Jai could see Pek and Abe both roll their eyes, and the slicer gave a half-assed grin, "Abe, tonight is kind of the perfect night to go for it, what could go wrong?"

"I'm not going to make an idiot of myself trying to flirt with anyone." Abe argued nervously, looking tired to be having this conversation yet again.

Jai shrugged noncommittally, lifting her glass to her lips, "Then stop ogling her every time you see her - she might start to notice you."

Miona laughed good-naturedly, setting her hand on Abe's forearm as reassurance.

"Leave him alone, you guys." Pek rolled her eyes at them, giving Jai a little jab with her elbow, "We've had this conversation a thousand times already."

Jai gave her friend a nudge back, the corner of her mouth pulled up slightly, "Fine, fine, I promise no more talking about Chiri."

"You don't make promises." Miona scoffed around the rim of her glass.

Jai paused before nodding in agreement, raising her glass, "You got me there."

Jai's eyes drifted back toward the turbolift, and she mentally reprimanded herself for it - she shouldn't let Cassian trouble her. It was a stupid thing to keep focusing on; she was here with her friends, so why let one man's disinterested agreement to make an appearance linger in her thoughts?

A minute later, the turbolift doors opened, and dumbly Jai perked up a little, only to be immediately let down when she saw it wasn't Cassian. She hoped the others didn't notice her.

She sighed a little through her nose, knocking back the rest of the Merenzane in her glass in one swift swig before she started chewing on the inside of her lip, her brows pulled into a slight glare as she started down at her empty glass.

This was stupid. Why did she get herself excited for Cassian in the first place? They were friends, but they weren't that close. And yet, Jai felt a distinct fondness, a feeling of closeness despite knowing they weren't that. It was that draw she felt to him, the one stirred up when she started thinking "what if" again - it was the things in her head overriding what was going on in reality. She just needed to relax and have another drink, and the rebel captain would be forgotten for the remainder of the evening.

And yet… Jai felt some distinct pull to the man this evening, something she couldn't shake. It had to have been that look in his eyes earlier - Cassian looked exhausted despite putting up at least a decent front of impassivity, he looked downcast despite trying to make jokes to keep Jai off his scent. Maybe she should have read his body language better - he was probably so drained from whatever his latest job was, both emotionally and physically, that there was no way he could try to take part in socializing tonight.

'I don't think he's okay.' The thought suddenly struck Jai, though she tried to dismiss it as being her own anxiety just creating extra worry. Cassian was probably as fine as one could be after a rough mission, he just didn't care about this party. But then again, he seemed more off than usual earlier, like he was not entirely there despite trying to pretend he was.

Jai came back to reality again, looking around the table at her friends, wondering if they had noticed just how long she'd been silent. Miona seemed to give her a look of at least recognition that she had zoned out, but it wasn't a knowing expression as if she could figure out what was on Jai's mind. Jai sighed a little, glancing at her glass again before pushing up from the table without entirely thinking about it.

"I need another drink." The group's eyes drew toward her, and Abe lifted his own glass and shook it a little.

"Grab another for me, too?"

Jai nodded, though she wasn't entirely sure she'd be back to the table any time soon; but she didn't want them being suspicious about her disappearance, at least not from the get-go. As her friends returned to their discussion, Jai glanced back towards the turbolift as she started walking away - she knew she had herself convinced that something wasn't right, and now there was no shaking that though. Her legs carried her toward one of the tables full of drinks, but as she glanced down at it, she had no interest in refilling her glass.

Jai sighed - it looked like she was going to search for the rebel captain after all.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~

Cassian wasn't sure when he had zoned out or how long he had been sitting still as a statue on the edge of his bed, but a knock at his door drew him out of his daze. As he blinked rapidly a few times, the knocking sounded again - how long had someone been at his door? Cassian's eyes drifted toward it, staring weakly - he was too exhausted to deal with anyone right now, and there wasn't anything that could be that important right now.

"Cassian." A voice sounded from the other side, causing his brows to perk and his back to straighten in recognition - Jai. She came looking for him, much to his own surprise.

When he agreed to return to the hangar, he was still on the fence about whether or not he'd even show, about whether or not he wanted to tell Jai what was on his mind. When he returned to his room to clean up after his meeting with Draven, Cassian knew he didn't have the emotional energy to put up with a crowd, even if it were just for a few minutes. He figured Jai would be content with her friends and forget all about asking him to show up, but evidently his assumption was false.

Cassian pushed his elbows off of his bare knees, staring at the door again as he sighed, deciding whether or not he even wanted to get up. Jai's knocking had stopped - did she give up? Despite himself, Cassian felt a certain disappointment, imagining Jai sighing on the opposite side of his door and walking away in defeat - maybe he wanted to talk to her, maybe he wanted some company. No, he wasn't the type that ever wanted someone around, especially not when he felt like shit as he was feeling tonight. Yet, something in him wanted to let Jai in.

Cassian rose to his feet while pushing his damp hair off of his forehead, hurrying to his small closet to dig out a pair of sweatpants, which he stumbled his legs into as he made for the door. As one hand finished pulling them up, the other snatched his discarded jacket from where he'd dropped it onto the floor.

He stuck his head out the door, seeing that Jai had, in fact, begun to retreat down the hall. For a moment, he simply stared at the back of her head, wondering what exactly he wanted - should he let her go, or should he call out to her? Why did he even go to his door to begin with? And why did he feel this craving for company somewhere in his chest, a craving for Jai's company?

"Jai?" His voice was quieter than he expected, and Cassian wondered if the slicer even heard him. But she paused and turned back, a small grin on her face as her eyes fell on the man that was halfway out in the hall. Upon spotting his damn hair and semi-bare chest, Jai looked Cassian up and down while he finished jerking the jacket over his shoulders; she quirked a brow slightly before looking back at his face while approaching.

"I thought you were gonna stand me up." She teased, making a joke out of the very real disappointment that she had been feeling earlier. As she paused in front of him, though, Jai noticed the conflict in Cassian's expression that had been there all night.

"… I thought about it." He admitted while looking into his room, silently leading Jai back inside. Just like before, she looked around the space, noticing this time though that there was a trail of discarded clothes leading towards the refresher. Her eyes turned back up toward Cassian, who stood between his bed and his closet, his head turned in consideration, as if deciding whether to face her or turn away, whether to remain on his feet or sit down. Despite the man giving no real clues, Jai knew there was something off about Cassian tonight, she just couldn't put her finger on why that was.

The two were quiet for a nearly uncomfortable length of time, Cassian's back still turned to her as they both stood dumbly in the middle of the room. So, Jai thought, she had been right to come looking for him, though she felt bad for her immature worry over why he didn't show.

"So, I take it you don't want that drink tonight." Jai finally said in a somewhat serious tone, though the answer was already obvious. She moved to take a seat on the couch, eyes still watching Cassian attentively as he finally turned to face her. He didn't have to say anything, Jai saw in his expression the confirmation she needed - it wasn't a good night. He was no longer putting up the front he had on down in the hangar as the two stared at each other for another long beat, Cassian hoping that he simply looked tired rather than distraught. But the observant shine in Jai's eyes made it clear to Cassian that he had been figured out.

Jai bit the inside of her cheek, wondering what she should say next - she never was one for serious conversations, especially when she knew the topic was something unideal. She especially wasn't prepared to have one with Cassian, and she wondered why the hell the man let her into his room - he wasn't the type who'd want to share an upsetting conversation with just anyone. Should she just go and leave him be?

"What happened?" Jai heard herself ask without thinking, her brow furrowed in worry. Another long silence stretched out between them; Cassian stared into Jai's eyes for a moment, but eventually looked down at his bare feet, hands resting on his hips as he let out a small sigh.

"It's nothing." He said, his tone nearly convincing - it would have convinced someone else to drop the subject, but Jai could see that this wasn't nothing, and she was never one to immediately give up, especially not with Cassian. Jai nodded while looking away, though she didn't accept his answer. Her eyes fell on the trail of clothes again as she considered.

"Look, I'm shit at this, but… do you need to talk about it?" She turned her gaze back toward Cassian, who was motionless as his tired eyes continued to look at her with reservation. Cassian knew he needed to tell her. Sure, Jai would have heard about this eventually, he already knew the information would make its rounds tomorrow - she should just wait till then. But something about it still nagged at him, something that felt as if it were important for him to discuss it with her now before it was too late. He had to be the one to tell her. it wouldn't be right if she heard it from anyone else, but he didn't know how he'd do it.

Finally, he shook his head slowly, his jaw tight as practiced authority briefly lit his eyes, though it only lingered for a moment. Jai in return gave a disheartened nod, pushing herself back up to her feet as her eyes continued to search Cassian's doleful face, her own worry evident in her expression.

As she took one defeated step towards the door, though, Cassian found himself taking a step forward as well, causing Jai to pause and look back at him. For a moment, Cassian sucked in his lips as he studied the woman's expression. There was yet again another long silence between them as they stared into each other's eyes unblinking.

Finally, Cassian took a deep breath, his voice quiet, "It's Gar."

Immediately, Jai's eyes widened with worry, nearly gasping as she inhaled through her nose - once she started to realize how dire Cassian's mood was, she feared that this was something she wouldn't want to hear, and the dread of that suddenly weighed heavily in her stomach.

If Gar was… Jai didn't even want to think the word. If he was, then that would be the first Rebellion casualty that would leave a mark on her heart. Jai knew others had passed in her six months as a rebel technician, but none of them she knew - though Jai tried to be at the very least friendly with each person that crossed her path, she knew only a sliver of the people on Yavin 4.

She wasn't like Cassian - she didn't feel connected to every single person here, she didn't feel weighed down every time another rebel didn't return home, she didn't let those losses linger. So many had been lost and Jai simply accepted it while moving on, knowing it came with the territory and finding it hard to feel anything when she didn't even know the person.

But Gar? A man who had been a boss and a mentor to her, who had been nearly a brotherly figure as of recent? She almost didn't want to hear what Cassian would say next.

Jai didn't even feel her feet move beneath her as she closed the distance between her and Cassian, pausing only a few inches in front of him as her wide eyes stared up into his. Those dark eyes were practically begging him to not utter what she feared, begging him to say he was just pulling her leg. But Cassian's downcast expression didn't change as he stared back at her.

"We got separated," Cassian started, his voice a dismal monotone, "The Empire got to him and Halu before we could."

Jai's next breath came out shaky, her wide eyes dropping to stare at Cassian's chest, afraid to look into his eyes for fear of losing her composure. Her mouth hung open slightly as she tried to process the information, but she could feel herself trembling as the grief started to creep in. Her hands began to wring at her sides, eyes slowly beginning to water. But tears didn't fall as she tried to blink them away - no, even in her worst moments, Jai had always been good about holding them back, about reeling herself in before she became a complete mess. The last time she cried in front of anyone was the day Tillian died. And just like what happened that day, what happened to Gar was completely out of Jai's control, and that silent mantra is what kept her even slightly stable as she stood here now, even if she knew that stability was only temporary.

Jai found herself warily looking up into Cassian's face again, a part of her desperate to reach out to him, but she continued to stand there stiffly, feeling her body ache suddenly as if she'd just run a marathon, exhausted and ready to collapse.

Cassian, though still obviously feeling that deep disappointment, had had at least some time to accept what happened - the ship ride back to Yavin 4 gave him and his team some time to mourn. As a captain, he had to be the grounding strength for everyone else whenever missions went awry, and having to do that through the years helped him develop his own means of coping with distress. But staring down at Jai as she tried to process the information, dealing with the emotions of a loss one-on-one rather than with a team, threatened to turn his exhaustion back into grief.

Silently, Cassian reached out to set a light hand on Jai's wrist, his pinky barely resting in her palm, but his touch caused her to start in surprise and jerk back from him. Her eyes widened a little as she met his stare, taking in another deep, shuttered breath as she tried to calm herself, holding her arm in her other hand as if Cassian's delicate touch had burned her. Slowly, she turned away and dropped down to sit on Cassian's bed as if she couldn't hold herself up any longer, her shoulders sagging and her head hanging lowly to hide her face from Cassian.

Jai never liked to be touched when she was emotional, ever since she was a kid she shied from it - if someone ever tried to offer her comfort, it often opened up the floodgates, and the last thing she wanted was to be blubbering in anyone's arms. Before she could even think about letting someone comfort her or talk to her about what she was feeling, Jai first had to deal with the pain herself, and if that meant running from the comfort of others, then so be it. And despite that part of her that wanted to reach out, that wanted to cling to the person nearest to her, Jai couldn't bring herself to do it - being so raw and vulnerable in front of anyone else terrified her.

Cassian stared at Jai knowingly, studying her pained expression as he felt his own fatigue from the day rising up again. He hesitated to move, even if it was to walk to his couch or to the seat in his kitchen - he didn't want to startle Jai again. So, once more, he stood stock-still, watching and waiting patiently.

A few long minutes passed in thick silence before Jai suddenly stood and darted into Cassian's refresher with barely any time for him to process that she had jumped up. His concerned eyes lingered on the closed door briefly before he finally started moving again, his knees feeling stiff as he walked to his kitchenette for a glass of water. He sighed as he chugged it down, having not realized how dry his mouth was beginning to feel.

He couldn't have anticipated that he'd feel so awful having to tell Jai what happened - Cassian had dealt with loss through the years, and had dealt with telling others about loss more times than he could count. Though it never necessarily got any easier, Cassian had grown accustomed to being the bearer of bad news, to seeing his fellow rebels mourn. And yet, something about this last time hurt more than it should have, something in Jai's eyes stung unexpectedly when she pulled away from him.

Jai had done something to him, though Cassian couldn't quite say what that was. Some time between their last night alone together and this one, Cassian started to feel something unfamiliar for the woman, and that something made it so much harder to see her broken and despairing, retreating from his touch and hiding on the opposite side of the door from him. Cassian was surprised to find that he wished he could be right there by Jai's side and consoling her as she mourned.

Despite himself, Cassian hated that he had to tell Jai, though he also couldn't have allowed anyone else to tell her. It had to be him, that much he knew, but that only made it somehow hurt more when he watched her face crumble.

Cassian refilled his glass and shuffled back towards his bed, taking a long sip of water once he sat down. His eyes drifted back towards the refresher door as he set the cup aside, feeling a pull to rise back to his feet and check on Jai. But he knew better than to try - he had to leave her be. For all he cared, Jai could keep herself locked up in his refresher all damn night, and he still wouldn't disturb her.

Once Cassian had finished his second glass of water, he looked down at the jacket he had quickly thrown on when Jai knocked at his door, slowly pulling it off of himself and dropping it in the pile of dirty clothes he stripped off earlier, wanting to simply lie back, let out a deep sigh, and close his eyes for a while. But as his gaze lingered on the pile that sat just before the refresher door, he tiredly pushed himself to his feet, knowing he shouldn't leave it there for Jai to accidentally trip over on her way out. He quickly hid all his dirty clothes away and retrieved a fresh tank top, hearing the door open behind him just as he had pulled it over his head.

Cassian turned to look at Jai as he pulled the shirt down his torso, noticing immediately that she wasn't looking at his face but rather at his chest, even if for a split second. Though there were bags under her tired eyes, Jai looked a little more refreshed - he could tell she had been crying and that she tried to clean herself up to hide the evidence of it. Her face and hairline were damp from splashing water onto her skin, and her eyes even had a different quality to them now. Through their tiredness, her eyes looked a little brighter and clearer - maybe she was trying to shove away any pain she was feeling. But her energy, too, had shifted, and Cassian felt a little less rigid than before - he was reminded that this wasn't the first loss Jai had dealt with, and it looked as if she had found a way of coping with the pain life threw at her.

The two stared at one another once more, studying the other's expression thoughtfully. Jai gave Cassian a weak, cagey smile, one that made the sadness in her eyes a touch more obvious - he suspected the look was to reassure herself rather than him. She let out a slight sigh and finally stepped back into the room, slowly approaching Cassian, once more coming to a pause only about a foot in front of him. She looked down while licking her dry lips, her eyes darting back and forth as if she were searching for the words that clearly wanted to leave her mouth.

Her eyes finally met his again through her lashes, "… Thanks for telling me." Her voice was quiet, and Cassian's brows rose a little at the words, "I wouldn't want to hear it from anyone else."

Cassian felt an unexpected stutter in his chest before he spoke slowly, his tone as quiet as hers, "I wouldn't have wanted anyone else to tell you."

Jai gave a slight nod in understanding as she looked down again, her eyes falling onto one of Cassian's hands as his thumb slid across the pads of his fingers edgily. She reached out and grabbed his hand firmly, drawing Cassian's surprised eyes down to their point of contact as well. Neither of them moved for a few long moments until finally Cassian gave Jai's fingers a reassuring squeeze. A faint sad smile ghosted across her lips again as she looked back up at his face, studying his features fondly, and despite how emotional they both were, Cassian nonetheless felt a warmth stir in his chest thanks to the look Jai was giving him.

"Draven wants me to tell your department tomorrow." Cassian started as his eyes returned to linger on their joined hands, "Chase is going to take over as supervisor."

Jai nodded, pushing down the lump that dared to rise in her throat again, "Chase'll be great, Gar trained her well."

Cassian turned his warm eyes back up to Jai's face, surveying her expression carefully as he thought, "Do you want to take tomorrow off?"

"No," she gave him a quick, reassuring smile and a shake of her head, and Cassian wasn't sure if he was imagining it or if Jai did move a touch closer, "I'll be better if I keep busy. I don't need you treating me any different than the rest of the hangar techs."

Her words weren't accusatory but thankful and appreciative that Cassian even asked her the question - if Jai needed evidence that Cassian had any interest in her, that was it. Cassian showing that kind of care to her eliminated any doubt Jai had regarding their friendship.

Jai squeezed Cassian's hand before slowly pulling away, her fingers gliding across his almost as if she didn't want to let go. Cassian's fingers clenched slightly, finding that he suddenly missed her touch. Jai took a single step back, sighing as she looked around the room while in thought.

"I should go." Her tone nearly contradicted her words, as if she disdained to even say them. But she was drained from the news about Gar, and she was certain that Cassian was as well - they both could use some good rest. She took another couple of steps before turning on her heel, and once more Cassian found himself taking a step forward.

"You could stay." Jai's eyes turned back to meet his, a questioning look in them. Cassian's expression was softer than she'd ever seen it, "Maybe we could both use the company."

A contented smile spread across Jai's lips, a warmth rising in her chest that helped to ease some of the pain that had been weighing on her just minutes prior.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~

Cassian awoke to the sound of blankets ruffling and Jai breathing unevenly. He wasn’t sure what time it was or what time the two had finally fallen asleep, but without checking the clock he was almost certain it was very early morning. Cassian had been a light sleeper almost his entire life, so although Jai’s movements probably would not have disturbed most people, she was just loud enough for his ears to prick up and notice.

Though the room was nearly pitch black, when he turned his head Cassian could tell Jai was still on the couch where he had left her, having not heard her rise from it. He insisted, once he started to see how tired Jai was, that she take his bed, but she just as adamantly argued that his cramped little couch would be fine, seeing as she was shorter so it would be less uncomfortable for her. Though Cassian tried to argue, he knew Jai wouldn’t budge, so at the very least he gave her his good blanket, hoping it would be some comfort to her.

For a minute, he simply lied still listening -- after Jai’s initial movement, which must have been her sitting up and rearranging, she hardly made a sound. If it weren’t for her uneven breathing, Cassian would have suspected that she had fallen back asleep; but those uneven breaths were shaky, as if the loss of Gar was coming right back up and threatening to wear so deeply at her mind that she couldn’t sleep again.

Cassian debated whether or not to say something, whether or not he should sit up and ask if she wanted to talk, wanted some kind of comfort. Maybe she had a nightmare that roused her, and maybe she’d simply want to be left alone; but maybe this time she’d want to talk to him.

As he heard Jai shift around again, as if fighting to find a comfortable position but to no avail, Cassian finally spoke up, his voice thick with sleep, “Jai.”

He heard the slightest of surprised noises escape her, and if he were looking Cassian was sure the startled look on Jai’s face might be mildly comical.

“I’m sorry,” Jai whispered, “I didn’t mean to wake you.”

Cassian propped himself onto his elbows to look in her direction, though because of the darkness he still could only just make out Jai’s silhouette, “I’m a light sleeper. You alright?”

“Fine…” Her tone wasn’t entirely convincing, but at least she didn’t sound as sad as Cassian feared she would -- she just sounded tired, “Just woke up suddenly. Must’ve been something in my dream, I guess.”

Cassian could see the way Jai slumped down a little, again making a feeble attempt at getting comfortable, “Or maybe your body’s protesting against the couch.”

Jai let out a huffed laugh, rolling her eyes, “My back does suddenly feel like it’s aged a couple of decades.”

Cassian sat upright, and he could feel Jai’s eyes trying to make out his silhouette in the darkness as well. As he grinned at Jai’s response, he stared in her general direction for a couple of moments, “Let’s trade.”

“You think your back will manage any better on this thing?” Her voice sounded humored by the suggestion, “Stay put, Andor.”

Cassian nearly laughed as he started to push himself out of the bed, retrieving his glass from the bedside table while shuffling towards the kitchen, which supplied the one small bit of light into the room from an emergency light that sat on the wall above the bar between the kitchen and the rest of the living space.

“I don’t think I’ll be falling asleep again too soon.” He said while refilling his cup. Turning back to the room, he could make Jai out a little better now that he was closer, and he held the glass in her direction, “Thirsty?”

Without answering, Jai lifted herself off the couch and padded over towards Cassian, circling the bar to retrieve the glass from his outstretched hand while leaning her hip against the counter. Cassian mirrored her position, though he rested some of his weight on his palm atop the bar as well as he stared into her face. Cassian could now make out her features just a little thanks to the faint light and their proximity to one another -- the outlines of her nose and lips, the slight glint of the light reflecting in her eyes. He looked down at her throat as he heard her swallow back nearly the entire glass of water.

Jai felt Cassian watching her far too closely, and yet she didn’t feel as uncomfortable under his gaze as she normally would have. As she set the cup carefully on the counter, she, too, stared up at him, trying to make out as much of his face as possible in the minimal lighting. Silence lingered between them as they stood there, neither having anything to say.

Though he could see her arm move from where it was crossed with the other, Cassian still jumped just slightly when he felt Jai’s hand slide over his, her thumb faintly rubbing circles on the outside of his wrist. He glanced down at their connected hands before finding the glint of her eyes again.

“Thank you, again, Cass.” Just like the first time, the gentle delivery of the unexpected nickname caused a shiver to work it’s way up Cassian’s spine. He hoped Jai didn’t notice.

“There’s nothing to thank me for.” He answered in a similarly quiet tone, tilting his head down slightly; he couldn’t help but feel guilty about what happened to Gar. The expert technician rarely went into the field anymore, but Cassian allowed him to go on this mission because the man showed interest. If Cassian had just told him no, Gar would still be here. Jai had no reason to thank him a second time, let alone the first time from earlier in the evening.

 All of Cassian’s attention briefly focused on where Jai’s thumb still brushed delicately against his skin -- how was it possible that the touch simultaneously calmed him and made his heart beat just a little louder in his ears?

Jai shrugged, attempting to speak jocularly, “You didn’t give me shit about crying in your ‘fresher and you let me stay here -- that’s worth some thanks.”

Cassian couldn’t help the small step forward he took, moving in even closer to Jai than he already was -- something about the dismissiveness of her earlier upset bothered him, “Your feelings are not a joke, Jai.”

 The seriousness of his tone took Jai by surprise, causing her to look up at him curiously, though Cassian couldn’t quite make out the expression in the darkness. He could tell her eyes were burning into him, and he stared right back with just as much weight. He found his mind focusing back on her hand atop his -- Jai’s thumb had already stopped moving, but it felt as if her grip tightened just slightly. In that same moment, Cassian became acutely aware of how close he had moved to her, how he felt an almost static energy bouncing between them. Without her saying so, Cassian knew Jai felt it as well. 

Jai lightly exhaled through her nose, her next words taking Cassian by surprise, “If someone asked me six months ago if I’d ever care about you, Cassian, I would have laughed in their face.”

Jai could see the faint light bounce off of Cassian’s teeth as he smiled unexpectedly at the remark, causing a grin to pull across her own lips. Cassian considered her for just a moment with fondness, “If someone had asked me, I would have done the same thing.”

The admissions caused them both to laugh smally, but it also felt like another spark of static surged between them. They stared at each other for another brief beat before Jai dropped her gaze to the darkness between them, feeling her heart beating far too heavily against her chest. Little did she know that Cassian’s heart was pounding just as quickly.

Did he understand the full weight of the meaning in her confession? Did she? Jai was surprised by her own admission, by the way her heart drummed in her ears, by this sudden need to lean into the man before her. The pull she felt towards Cassian seemed so much more palpable then it had been before, as if she could no longer keep it at bay; Jai knew she was doomed to succumb to that unfamiliar fluttery sensation in her stomach.

She called on her courage that felt as if it were trying to evade her, her voice coming out quieter and even hesitant as she looked up through her lashes, though thanks to the dark Cassian didn’t notice, “… I probably care about you more than I should.”

A weight felt as if it dropped in Cassian’s stomach, the confession seeming to echo between his ears as his heart drummed off-rhythm against his rib cage. His eyes widened in surprise and he stared intensely and unblinkingly at Jai, feeling his free hand twitch with some unfamiliar need to reach towards her, as if he still had to search for something to clarify what her words meant.

He realized then exactly what it was that had been building up inside of him, what these nerves were that only seemed to pop up when Jai was around. Cassian had had an understanding of what he was beginning to feel towards Jai, but in the past he was able to suppress it and shove it aside, to pretend it was unimportant, that it would pass. With the woman in question standing here mere inches before him, owning up to her own feelings, his weren’t quite as easy to ignore.

Cassian dipped his head, hoping it would draw Jai to look back up towards him as he leaned a little closer in search of her gaze. He understood exactly what Jai had meant, and yet he wanted to ask her, to hear the explanation exactly as she meant it to be understood. He wanted to hear it straight from her lips.

Jai continued to stare up at Cassian through her lashes, her stomach knotting when he moved in closer to her. If either of them moved any further, she would be leaning into him, her forehead pressed to his cheek, losing all traces of distance between their bodies. Despite trying to keep herself together, Jai’s breath came out in a waver that she tried to control, and she knew there was no way Cassian could have missed it.

In a brief moment of confidence, Jai slid her hand from it’s spot atop Cassian’s, fingertips slowly gliding over his forearm and securing a grip on his bicep. In the same second that she gave his upper arm a slight squeeze, as if to assure herself that he was really right there in front of her and that this conversation was really happening, Cassian’s hand steadily reached up and found a secure hold at the nape of her neck, his fingers twisting delicately in her dark locks and pulling her head back. For a beat, they breathed in unison, a shared look of yearning in their eyes as Cassian briefly pressed his forehead to Jai’s, giving them both one last moment to consider what was about to happen.

And then their lips met frantically, noses bumping and teeth nearly clashing together, neither certain who moved first as their need for one another took charge. Cassian’s lips were rough against her own, but the sharp taste of him drew a sigh from Jai’s throat, her free hand moving to grip the front of his t-shirt, pulling herself even closer as if he was her oxygen supply. Cassian’s tongue licked across her lower lip in a frenzied response, the heat of her body seeming to engulf him as she drew him nearer, her other hand jumping up to securely rest against his cheek.

Cassian’s arm wrapped around Jai’s narrow waist desperately, his palm pressing her flush against him while the fingers in her hair tightening their grip, twisting a little. An eager sound rumbled in his chest as he slipped his tongue between her lips, tangling with her own heatedly, feeling Jai grab at him with urgency, the scratch of her nails along his torso stirring a second moan from his throat.

As their kiss grew deeper, each feeling drunk off of the other, Cassian pressed forward until he had Jai’s back pinned against the bar, his hands snaking down her body with groping fingers that needed to feel every inch of her, his lips not straying from hers for even a second. When he found a secure grip on her ass, Cassian swiftly lifted Jai up onto the counter, causing a slight moan to escape her as he pressed himself against the warmth between her legs.

Jai’s fingers threaded messily into Cassian’s hair, nails scratching against his scalp as he finally pulled his mouth from hers, Jai gasping for air as he hardly paused for breath before starting to leave open-mouthed kisses along her jaw and down her neck, his teeth scraping hungrily against warm skin. He bit down lightly on the side of Jai’s neck, causing her to gasp and arch her back, the press of her breasts against his chest encouraging Cassian to nibble at her skin again before sucking it between his lips to leave a faint bruise. Jai let out another clipped moan as Cassian’s wandering hands squeezed her ass and pressed her forward against him as he gave a firm roll of his hips. His own shuddered groan muffled against Jai’s collarbone, his breath fiery hot on her skin.

Cassian worked his way back up to Jai’s mouth, nipping at her skin before finally crashing onto Jai’s waiting lips again. One of his hands trailed up her side, giving extra care to press firmly against her breast before continuing up to settle against her cheek, desperate to somehow pull her closer than she already was. Cassian pressed forward hungrily as Jai slipped her slick tongue back into his mouth with a smile pulling at her lips, leaning back under him until she finally let her weight fall onto her elbow. Cassian braced himself on his forearm as he continued to urge Jai down onto her back, the two moaning in unison as he gave another slow roll of his hips against her. As Jai lay flat on the counter, Cassian’s hand pulled away from her cheek, the delicate trailing of his fingers causing a shiver to travel up Jai’s spine as his hand found its way to her own. Jai desperately deepened the kiss as they laced their fingers together, slowly moving their joined hands above Jai’s head.

Their hands bumped into something that they didn’t spare a second thought for until it suddenly crashed down onto the floor, causing Jai to jolt up with a gasp, bumping into Cassian’s forehead before he could pull back from her.

“Shit.” He hissed in surprise, the hand that had been laced with Jai’s now pressed to his forehead. He continued to linger over Jai, the both of them trying to collect themselves and catch their breath, the air red hot between them. They met eyes, their breath mingling, and gently Cassian lowered his forehead to rest against Jai’s delicately, his hand finding a new resting place at the base of her neck.

Despite herself, a pure laugh sprang out of Jai, her amused smile wide as she closed her eyes, nearly embarrassed, “We broke your glass.”

A beaming smile crossed Cassian’s lips as well as he laughed, his nose brushing against Jai’s as he answered breathily, his accent thicker, “Doesn’t matter.”

He leaned forward to brush his lips against Jai’s briefly, pulling back far enough to look into her eyes again, his chest still heaving against hers. Slowly, he pushed himself up, his hands finding a resting place atop Jai’s thighs, his thumbs rubbing slow circles into the fabric of the sweatpants he let her borrow. For a moment longer, Jai stayed on her back, her hands sliding their way up Cassian’s forearms, fingertips pressing firmly into his skin as an eased smile tugged at her lips.

“Come here.” Cassian’s gentle yet commanding tone caused Jai’s middle to tighten with need, just the timbre of his voice alone causing her to let out a yearning sigh. Her hands secured around Cassian’s biceps again and used him as leverage to pull herself up, bringing her nose within centimeters of his as she sat up.

Cassian sighed contentedly, his breath brushing against Jai’s skin as he thought for a few long moments; he couldn’t find the words for any of his thoughts, so instead he pressed his lips tenderly to hers, one of his hands rising to cup her cheek affectionately. Once more, they pressed their foreheads together, mindlessly grazing their fingers along one another’s skin as they tried to collect themselves.

The longer Jai sat here and considered her current position, the more unexpected yet warming it became -- here she was, wrapped around Cassian Andor and feeling so completely at peace enveloped in his touch. She had considered in the past what this would be like, to be close to him and out of breath, to feel his lips against hers, to feel a heat twisting in her abdomen, but those daydreams were nothing like the reality. She had thought they would always remain daydreams, thoughts that passed her by not to be taken too seriously. Getting close to Cassian like this didn’t seem possible, and yet somehow here she was, high on his touch, drunk on his passionate eyes. Cassian, the man who didn’t like to get too close to anyone, whose best friend was a droid, who six months ago had vowed to distrust her… and he was standing here between her legs, his hold on her possessive and in want of more.

She wouldn’t say lucky was the right word, but Jai certainly felt satisfied as she and Cassian remained wrapped around one another.

Cassian finally took a step back from her, his fingers gliding along the top of Jai’s thighs and making her shiver. Her eyes had to readjust to the lack of lighting in the room, but she was sure she could see Cassian grinning fondly at her response to his touch.

His hands found hers as he took another step back, whispering, “Come on,” as he helped Jai hop down from the counter, the broken glass that had fallen to the floor somewhere completely forgotten -- he didn’t care enough to deal with it right now, he’d come back to it in the morning.

Cassian’s fingers lazily tangled with one of Jai’s hands, his eyes straining to find the glass shards on the floor so that neither of them stepped on something sharp. He carefully led Jai out of the kitchen, pausing in his cramped living space with the bed just a step behind him to look back at Jai with a tired smirk. Despite how close they were earlier, she felt her cheeks heat up, feeling the power of his gaze though she could no longer see it in the near-darkness. Cassian lightly tugged on Jai’s hand until she stepped closer, and she could feel Cassian’s free hand just hovering over her face until finally he set it on the base of her neck.

Cassian’s past fears and concerns about Jai crossed his mind as he held her in a comfortable and intimate silence -- he recalled their evening of drinking, when she first managed to send some kind of electric spark through him, when she first made him question the feelings going on inside of him. He had been so afraid to consider them and acknowledge them, because he knew what they meant -- he wanted to get close to someone, get close to her, despite all of his precautions through the years to avoid ever wanting that.

He realized that night two months ago that Jai would be trouble for him, but a completely different kind of trouble than what he had originally projected when they met. She was persistent with him, familiar with him, always making efforts with him -- no one had ever shown that exact combination of traits to him before. Jai had been throwing him for a loop for months now, and somehow she managed to wiggle her way into his heart, somehow slipping past all the emotional safeguards he built up through the years.

Cassian used to be afraid of this feeling. In many ways he still was. And yet, once his lips were on Jai’s, that fear dissolved away, at least temporarily. He wanted -- needed -- to be close to her, yet something in him continued to fear what would happen if he got too close. It was a habit that held him back, the habit of keeping people at arm’s length. But Jai… as much as it scared him, Jai made him want to break the habit and start a new one.

If anyone asked Cassian prior to this evening if he found himself attracted to Jai Tillian, he would have fervently denied it to the point of suspicion.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~

                                                  Care [kair]

                                                      noun

a cause or object of concern; serious attention

provision of what is needed for the well-being or protection of a person

                                                      verb

to be concerned; have thought or regard; to have a special preference

to wish; desire; like

[princess-of-the-worlds]

tldr: I’m back, babey, with a handful of Torchwood fic recs timed perfectly for Halloween! Now, I tried to collect newer as well as older fics, but honestly, the way it worked out, they all ended up mostly being newer. Still, the fics here are a mixed bag in terms of spooky versus creepiness, and you should definitely find several you like!

I cannot sleep warm by Beleriandings (@ultraviolet-eucatastrophe)

“And I love you too. Now... time to wake up.”

(janto | complete | teen | 11.2K)

Nik: Hi! Do you want to cry? Well, then, read this fic! Set in...well, a scenario I can’t entirely describe without spoilers but can say that it involves dreaming, this fic transcends reality - and also imagination - at times. The author - yes, I am proud to call her my friend - is very good at writing surreal stories, and there are just so many angsty layers to this fic. There’s this symmetric beauty to the first chapter that the second chapter just brings into focus. I immensely enjoyed this fic, but don’t go in expecting a happy ending!

The Picture of Javic Thane by thirteeninafez (@thirteeninafez)

The painting was an old Victorian portrait, showing a man sitting in an almost throne-like chair, posture perfect and facial expression stoic. Deep colours swirled from brilliant brush strokes, perfectly capturing the image it was displaying. It took Ianto a second to realise that the figure in the maroon, nearly purple suit (and matching bow-tie) was in fact the same man that was currently holding the painting in the Hub.

“That’s what came through the Rift?” Ianto asked incredulously, trying to ignore the smile that was tugging at the corner of his mouth.

(janto | complete | teen | 22.3K)

Nik: Full disclosure, I beta’d this fic, and holy shit, it’s good and perfectly fits the Halloween mood! This fic is essentially a The Picture of Dorian Grey AU, and the author’s descriptions as the painting changes...chef’s kiss! All team’s perspectives on Jack and how he changes is delightful and enough to make you shudder. If dark!Jack is something you’ve been missing in life, read this fic, but also know that it comes with requisite amounts of angst. (But I guess that that’s to be expected!)

Werewolf of Cardiff by Jackdaw816 (@shejustcalledmeafish)

Ianto's a wolf in the bedroom. Literally

(janto | complete | teen | 0.5K)

Nik: Again, full disclosure, I chattered about Werewolf Ianto to the author enough until she wrote this. So you can basically thank me for this fic! Short and sweet, this fic is essentially the quickest and best fluff you can ask to cheer you up or give you the warm fuzzies! Despite being a werewolf, Ianto’s full characterization still comes through, and the author does a delightful job with pouring on the extra love and warmth into the Jack-Ianto relationship.

Jack-O'-Lantern by AVAAntares (@avaantares)

An epistolary story in which Gwen carves, Ianto objects, Owen shirks, and Jack pays.

(Written for Torchwood Halloween Fest 2020. Prompt: Halloween traditions or celebrations)

(janto | complete | general | 0.7K)

Nik: Another quick fic! This one is entirely amusing with a great team dynamic! Brief emails follow the trajectory of the weeks before Halloween in the Hub, including a pumpkin that falls victim to Gwen and Jack as well as other moments of humor. You’ll certainly find yourself giggling along!

Imposters Among Us by gwendolyncooper (@gwendolyncooper)

The Torchwood team (+Rhys) are out for a night of fun when they end up on a spaceship with no power, no info, and no crew. Known only as THE SKELD, the team tries to fix the ship and figure out what happened to its previous occupants.

But something out there is killing them.

Something that may be someone they know.

(gwenrhys, janto | complete | mature | 9.1K)

Nik: This fic, as gut-punchy and well-written as the writing is, may not for the light-hearted, as you can likely see with the tags, but trust me, it’s worth it and ends up paying itself off! It’s essentially real-life Among Us, but playing it in reality is a lot more terrifying than playing it on your phone, and the team proves that! The plot is intriguing as it builds on the lore of the game, and the emotional beats certainly punch very hard, but the fic lands a bit more lightly on its feet at the end. Certainly a must-read if you love Among Us!

Toil, Trouble, and Trick-or-Treating by moonlightrhosyn (@moonlightrhosyn)

“I know what this is. She planned this. She thinks I don’t spend enough time with the kids. That’s why she’s doing this.” “Doing what, Ianto?” Gwen asked him. “What do your sister’s dinner plans have to do with you?” Ianto heaved a sigh. “She just asked me to take David and Mica trick-or-treating so she ‘can go to dinner’ - she just wants me to spend more time with them, and she’s come up with this.” “I can go too,” Jack offered as he joined them. He grinned. “I love kids!” In which Jack and Ianto take Halloween night off to look after Rhiannon's kids, while Gwen and Suzie coordinate Halloween Watch (and Gwen tries to get Suzie a date, after two years of strategizing).

(janto, gwenrhys, kathysuzie | complete | teen | 2.7K)

Nik: Here’s a canon divergence AU where everyone lives, including Suzie, which means we get some fun team times with Halloween! Ianto is tasked with taking David and Mica trick-or-treating, all accompanied by Jack. It’s sweet, light, and a perfect treat, with great little moments like Gwen trying to set Suzie up on a date with Kathy Swanson and David and Mica trying to conspire against Jack and Ianto for candy. There’s no monsters here! I beta’d this fic - you’re probably starting to see a trend here - and 200% recommend this for a fun read if you’re disappointed about not getting to go trick-or-treating this year!

Treat or Trick by NancyBrown

Five unusual trick or treaters show up at the tourist office.

(janto | complete | teen | 1K)

Nik: The author is an icon of this fandom, but this is one of their lesser-read fics, which is a damn shame. Ianto’s Halloween at the tourist office goes a bit awry when he meets the team, not only de-aged but also tossed back in time. It’s quick, witty, and humorous, everything a fic needs! A must-read!

Going Batty by blackkat

Ianto is a vampire. Cue Owen's obligitory Twilight jokes.

(janto | complete | general | 1.4K)

Nik: This fic is completely crack. Completely. If you’re looking for Dracula-esque vampire!Ianto, this is the perfect fic for you. Taking place from the perspective of Gwen, it explores the mystery of Torchwood’s most reclusive member. But again, it is also. 100% crack. But it’s very, very batty. (See what I did there?)

Erlkönig by engagemythrusters (@iianto-jones)

Something lurked in the darkness. It waited and watched, and it was coming for Ianto.

(janto | complete | teen | 5.6K)

Nik: Now, if you really want spooky, this is the right fic for you! The writing is excellent and dripping with tension and suspense, and the way Ianto spirals...now, this is some well-written horror that will keep you on the edge of your seat. If you’re looking for answers in this fic, don’t expect any, but that only makes it better. A must-read that was - ironically - written in May. I have many, many questions about how this fic resolves; please tell us, author! (Or don’t, to keep the spooky alive!)

Echoing by Beleriandings (@ultraviolet-eucatastrophe)

Ianto wakes up at his desk in the archives, with no memory of how he got there or what happened before, and no way to contact Jack or Gwen. Turns out, all of that's the least of his problems.

(janto, lisaianto | complete | teen | 7.4K)

Nik: Yes, I know; this author has been on the list twice, but she’s on fire this month, with many, many excellent spooky fics. (Not that her fics aren’t always spooky!) This fic once again hits you like a gut-punch. Written in a very disorienting - in the good way - sense, we as readers follow Ianto wandering the Hub, looking for anyone else. He encounters company who aren’t so solid. By the time you’re nearing the end of this fic, you’ll likely have generated thousands of theories if you’re anything like me, but none of them will hurt as much as the actual truth. Expect some much angst from this. Again, another must-read!