#truly cant believe you woke up and said “no its time to be sad”

[ughgoaway]

Ace...

What in the actual fuck?!?!?!?! That's was sooo good. I knew I was gonna enjoy it because duh, you wrote it, but Jesus christ it was amazing.

It's too early in the morning for my brain to process everything I've just read (yes, reading the angsty fic was the first thing I did when I woke up). Again, it was incredible. Once I'm properly awake, I'll tell you my favourite bits and all that. But I wanted to let you know first that the angst was really really good. You put too much pressure on yourself and that leads you to not appreciate your work, when said work is fucking great.

I know writing angst was hard for you but I hope you now know that you're very very good at it.

🍪

AHHH THANK YOU SOOOOO MUCH ANGEL!!! your review is SO IMPORTANT to me, so I'm soooo glad you enjoyed it!!! stoppp, you're making me blush!! incredible??? plssss!!!

reading angst as soon as you wake up is veryyyy chaotic, but I admire it!!! you are just the sweetest human ever. Thank you for always being so kind and supportive - I appreciate you endlessly!! I can't wait to hear more of your thoughts <333

it was difficult, but honestly, I had more fun than I thought I would! I can see myself trying some more angst in the future hehehe :)))

[iwannabeastarstarrockmann]

I was delusional to think this year would be different. TW:SH/ED

why are moms so toxic? i cant remember one birthday in which everything went smoothly ansd i truly felt loved by her. she has always made it clear to me that im not enough, she has sacrificed too much for me, im a waste of space, im a lazy sack of shit and she wished she never had me or my sister.

I just woke up a couple hours ago really excited because she stayed out late last night so I didn't get a chance to talk with her (we were starting to get along weirdly) and my birthday is tomorrow so I wanted to hear what her plans were and instead she yelled at me for not getting up earlier, for not having a job yet, (even though I had to quit my last one because of her and I've been applying for jobs ever since) she said I should stop using being autistic as an excuse because I'm "not really autistic", I'm "completely normal, I'm just a giant asshole"

why would she say that??! and then to make matters worse, a family friend is planning to make me food for tomorrow and so my mom said the least I could do to earn such a gift that I don't deserve, I should go swimming with her in her pool, although I cannot because I recently relapsed heavily and have sh scars all over my arms and legs and I would rather politely decline a swim rather than worrying everyone I know and love. so anyway, I couldn't tell my mom why I couldn't swim so I just said I'm really not feeling up to it and she replied with "okay well then, you're dead to me" and strangely as punishment forbid me from using her shower ever again?? I have a shower, but it's infested with mold, and we didn't find that out until I passed out after a shower, so I think that means I really am dead to her?? ouch!

I'm really sad though, more so because we just bought groceries and now, I may be wasting food because I'm fasting. how can I be a good anorexic though when my fear of wasting food overpowers my fear of gaining?? idk maybe I'll just cook for everyone else on my bday, that is, if I knew anyone to cook for. I also feel bad for not swimming with our friend especially because she is cooking a whole feast for me! something my mother would never be caught dead doing. a lot of my issues with food come from having no structure nor comfort in my household growing up, i went from eating too much to never eating enough. i love it though when i see family friends and they are always telling me that ive gotten too skinny and i need to eat more, and as a result always cook food for me and lecture my mom for not paying attention to me, not that shes obligated to, as im almost 20, but as long as im stuck with her due to finances and just a tad bit of codependency, she should be a little nicer to me right??

am I crazy for thinking that regardless of my age or life situation, when I'm home it should feel like home?? if I were going to college no one would question me for still being here, I'm just trying to save up some money but every time I do, my mom demands to borrow it and then threatens me that she won't pay me back if I don't do this or that for her. did I mention that she always plays the victim too?

she genuinely believes that the world owes her something. she thinks because of her disability, people should bow down to her and cater to her every need! that is so immature! its every man for themselves, if you can't hold yourself accountable, how do you expect your life to improve? doing the same thing over and over with no result gets you nowhere! that's insanity, its naive. I don't want to waste my life catering to her when I spent the first 19 years of my life being the adult and her being the child. I deserved better.

now I just want her to see how terrible of a job she did by rotting away. I don't care anymore, I know that's selfish but I just don't care about anything anymore, I want to starve, I don't want to eat anymore. I know better than to starve myself, but it feels so damn validating when I'm losing weight.

[thoughtsbeewild]

2024 Here we are- THE START OF HORROR OF THE RISE OF RATES, INCREASE HOMELESS, BTW YOUR CELEBRITYS AND PEOPLE WHO YOU FOLLOW DONT GIVE TWO FUCKS ABOUT YOU REMEMBER THAT WHILE STRUGGLING

What do I mean RISE OF RATES? Means the united states demoncrat/republican whatever the fuck party holds control over each state which is led by the leader of the free world the criminal Senile old man Biden(president who was installed by the dominion machines AS A reminder, president who has caused so much violence, homicide , deaths nationwide. People get so mad at the orange man because of covid19 deaths, which was never seen by advertised by the mainstream media which is one sided news station that focuses on one side angle to what you want to see, hear and know. But doesnt want you to know the bad stuff that happening.

Rent prices are about to increase, cost of food, the cost of gas, the cost of electricity, the cost of fucking everything. All because people hated orange man which resulted from 2020 to 2023 violence, deaths, war, theft, the speech that george floyd brother said at the time of sad death of his brothers, the TABLES WILL MOTHERFUCKING TURN, YOU BETTER believe Biden , Obama and all evil people who hate america made it happen. I dont want to go in the media because its just truly sad, and some people angle to thier point of view. But not both sides of the story for one to make a proper opinion about it. 2024 that stupid slogan who came up with your 2024 in and your 2024 its like a generic replacement of new year new me. Fucking who ever came up with that SLOGAN shit got a good MARKETING SALARY , ALL the DUMBASSES in ALL Social MEDIA ARE PUTTING YOUR 2024 in and out. People dont get that is a woke stragegy it made for you fuckers out there to follow that shit. But if you think realistically NOBODY KNOWS WHAT EACH YEAR WILL BRING UNEXPECTED TWISTS, UNEXPECTED PLOTS, YOU CANT COMMIT THAT BULLSHIT OF 2024 IN AND OUT WITHOUT FACTORING THE STORM IN. ITS FUCKING STUPID LARGEST SOCIAL MEDIA PLATFORMS AND ITS FOLLOWERS ARE ADVERTISING THAT SHIT, PEOPLE ARE STUPID ENOUGH TO EAT THAT SHIT UP. I GOT SOME PEARLS OF WISDOM, THINK OF YOUR LIFE LIKE A ROAD, EACH ROAD MAY BE SMOOTH, SOME ROUTES WILL HAVE THOSE CRACKS, BUMPS THAT YOU CANNOT AVOID TO GET TO THE OTHER SIDE. BY PUTTING 2024 SELFISH HAPPINESS IN THAT EQUATION. I SWEAR THE PERSON WHO CAME UP WITH THAT GOT A LOT OF MONEY AND MARKETING OUT OF THAT SLOGAN.

ANYWAYS 2024 LETS SEE WHAT KIND OF HELL THIS WILL BE AND LETS STAND UP TO SATAN , EVIL WILL NOT WIN ANY BATTLE YOU COME TO..CAUSE YA NEVER KNOW.

DAMN OUR WORLD IS NOTHING BUT LOUD CHAOS

[boyfhee]

i woke up, went on tumblr.com like one does, and the first thing i see is “to you, with love” reblogged for me. 

so i closed the app. screamed a bit into a pillow. and came back to write this.

THE THING IS.. i read that work, im pretty sure i even left an ask but it was more shy, timid (?)in a sense - “thank u, this was beautiful ,i cried.”cuz i was overwhelmed lol <- the lol is to make is seem more causal as if my heart didnt feel like it was punched ^^

but i remember vividly going through heeseung hashtag and seeing this for the first time.. and the title was cute, i was like “oh fluff”. i had not read the genre or warnings notes before diving into it….

so u can imagine my reaction to this sentence…

“however, heeseung’s death changed that for you.” BTW  ofc the best time to read angst its dead into the night with taylor swift playing on my headphones :>

if i remember correctly, you deleted it (?) and then posted it again? i read it the very first time it was uploaded. this might have been a changing point cuz i didn't read angst.. not in it full potential like that before this and know im knees deep 

i finished reading it. and time kinda froze. the concept of hearing the voice of the love of your life. when things were good, were fine. i wept. BUT hearing them talk about what future could hold for both of u? knowing what u know now? literally curled with my phone in my hand and bawled my eyes out

promises… the forever heartbreaking factor of life.. what are they? meant to be broken or kept.. maybe neither.. i hate them… they give false hope for those who long and yearn to be reassure and make u believe that a single person could hold such a power over the universe… well, heeseung certainly couldn't.. no matter how genuinely his heart was beating while he said “forever”

wow, im in my feels again, i just loved it, truly loved it and cherished it for so long, in my own little world with spiraling thoughts about this, 

thank u thank u thank u  thank u!!!!!!!!!!! ur works mean the world to me

im sorry for making u sad with my ask, but i cant help it :] u made me feel too much !!!!!!!!!!

i loved the poem. the flashbacks from the fic hit me like a truck. whats ur favorite poem? ^^ i would love to read some if u have a recommendation

thanks for the little career stuff note, i appreciate it a lot truly

thank u in general, ure the coolest writer,  love u too 

ps. hee angst ?? i might die tho

                                               - > swift anonie ♡♡♡

ANON MAY I INTEREST YOU IN ANOTHER THOUGHT I HAD . about 'to you, my love' being set after 'if lovesick was a person' 😁😁 IT FITS SO WELL im so devastated actually . and that's why they tell u to read the warnings but who am i to say bc i straight up jump to the content ( i like surprises ) also i didn't delete it, my brother deleted my whole acc before i remade under the same user and reposted it 😭 oh but im so honoured that was the beginning of your angst reading arc, you should not be missing out on such a genre

and ur thoughts on promises, umm i can't say you're all wrong but i think they can serve as a driving force to do something? like some sort of motivation, or a reason idk . obvs, not saying that empty promises should be made. actually i dont have any opinion here, head empty. please never apologise for sending sad asks or wtv, i enjoy reading ur thought processes ure really really cool 🫵💗 as for poem recs hmm; i wandered lonely as a cloud by willian wordsworth, cadabianca by felicia dorothea hemans, la belle dame sams merci by john keats, rain before dawn, on a play twice seen and marching streets by fitzgerlad ( anything by him and emily dickinson is worth reading ) that's all i have on the top of my head

and no, thank u for taking ur time to write these asks, you're even cooler than me fr ☝️

[shkspr]

hi. on your post where you may or may not have ended on 'moffat is either your angel or your devil' did you have maybe an elaboration on that somewhere that i could possibly hear about. i'm very much a capaldi era stan and i've never tried to defend the matt smith era even though it had delightful moments sometimes so i wonder where that puts me. i'd love to hear your perspective on moffat as a person with your political perspective. -nicole

hi ok sorry i took so long to respond to this but i dont think you know how LOADED this question is for me but i am so happy to elaborate on that for you. first a few grains of salt to flavor your understanding of the whole situation: a. im unfairly biased against moffat bc im a davies stan and a tennant stan; b. i still very much enjoy and appreciate moffat era who for many reasons; and c. i hate moffat on a personal level far more than i could ever hate his work.

the thing is that its all always gonna be a bit mixed up bc i have to say a bunch of seemingly contradictory things in a row. for instance, a few moffat episodes are some of my absolute favorites of the rtd era, AND the show went way downhill when moffat took over, AND the really good episodes he wrote during the rtd era contained the seeds of his destruction.

like i made that post about the empty child/the doctor dances and it holds true for blink and thats about it bc the girl in the fireplace and silence in the library/forest of the dead are good but not nearly on the same level, and despite the fact that i like them at least nominally, they are also great examples of everything i hate about moffat and how he approached dw as a whole.

basically. doctor who is about people. there are many things about moffats tenure as showrunner that i think are a step up from rtd era who! actual gay people, for one! but i think that can likely be attributed mostly to an evolving Society as opposed to something inherent to him and his work, seeing as rtd is literally gay, and the existence of queer characters in moffats work doesnt mean the existence of good queer characters (ill give him bill but thats it!)

i have a few Primary Grievances with moffat and how he ran dw. all of them are things that got better with capaldi, but didnt go away. they are as follows:

moffat projects his own god complex onto the doctor

rtd era who had a doctor with a god complex. you cant ever be the doctor and not have a god complex. the problem with moffats era specifically is that the god complex was constant and unrepentant and was seen as a fundamental personality trait of the doctor rather than a demon he has to fight. he has the Momence where you feel bad for him, the Momence where he shows his humility or whatever and youre reminded that he doesnt want to be the lonely god, but those are just. moments. in a story where the doctor thinks hes the main character. rtd era doctor was aware that he wasnt the main character. he had to be an authority sometimes and he had to be the loner and he had to be sad about it, but he ultimately understood that he was expendable in a narrative sense.

this is how you get lines like “were the thin fat gay married anglican marines, why would we need names as well?” from the same show that gave you the gut punch moment at the end of midnight when they realize that nobody asked the hostess for her name. and on the one hand, thats a small sticking point, but on the other hand, its just one small example of the simple disregard that moffat has for humanity.

incidentally, this is a huge part of why sherlock sucked so bad: moffats main characters are special bc theyre so much bigger and better than all the normal people, and thats his downfall as a showrunner. he thinks that his audience wants fucking sheldon cooper when what they want is people.

like, ok. think of how many fantastic rtd era eps are based in the scenario “what if the doctor wasnt there? what if he was just out of commission for a bit?” and how those eps are the heart of the show!! bc theyre about people being people!! the thing is that all of the rtd era companions would have died for the doctor but he understood and the story understood that it wasnt about him.

this is like. nine sending rose home to save her life and sacrifice his own vs clara literally metaphysically entwining her existence w the doctor. ten also sending rose with her family to save her life vs river being raised from infancy to be obsessed w the doctor and then falling in love w him. martha leaving bc she values herself enough to make that decision vs amy being treated like a piece of meat.

and this is simultaneously a great callback to when i said that moffats episodes during the rtd era sometimes had the same problems as his show running (bc girl in the fireplace reeks of this), and a great segue into the next grievance.

moffat hates women

he hates women so fucking much. g-d, does steven moffat ever hate women. holy shit, he hates women. especially normal human women who prioritize their normal human lives on an equal or higher level than the doctor. moffat hated rose bc she wasnt special by his standards. the empty child/the doctor dances is the nicest he ever treated her, and she really didnt do much in those eps beyond a fuck ton of flirting.

girl in the fireplace is another shining example of this. youve got rose (who once again has another man to keep her busy, bc moffat doesnt think shes good enough for the doctor) sidelined for no reason only to be saved by the doctor at the last second or whatever. and then youve got reinette, who is pretty and powerful and special!

its just. moffat thinks that the doctor is as shallow and selfish as he is. thats why he thinks the doctor would stay in one place with reinette and not with rose. bc moffat is shallow and sees himself in the doctor and doesnt think he should have to settle for someone boring and normal.

not to mention rose met the doctor as an adult and chose to stay with him whereas reinette is. hm. introduced to the doctor as a child and grows up obsessed with him.

does that sound familiar? it should! bc it is also true of amy and river. and all of them are treated as viable romantic pairings. bc the only women who deserve the doctor are the ones whose entire existence revolves around him. which includes clara as well.

genuinely i think that at least on some level, not even necessarily consciously, that bill was a lesbian in part bc capaldi was too old to appeal to mainstream shippers. like twelve/clara is still a thing but not as universally appealing as eleven/clara but i am just spitballing. but i think they weighed the pros and cons of appealing to the woke crowd over the het shippers and found that gay companion was more profitable. anyway the point is to segue into the next point, which is that moffat hates permanent consequences.

moffat hates permanent consequences

steven moffat does not know how to kill a character. honestly it feels like hes doing it on purpose after a certain point, like he knows he has this habit and hes trying to riff on it to meme his own shit, but it doesnt work. it isnt funny and it isnt harmless, its bad writing.

the end of the doctor dances is so poignant and so meaningful and so fucking good bc its just this once! everybody lives, just this once! and then he does p much the same thing in forest of the dead - this one i could forgive, bc i do think that preserving those peoples consciousnesses did something for the doctor as a character, it wasnt completely meaningless. but everything after that kinda was.

rory died so many times its like. get a hobby lol. amy died at least once iirc but it was all a dream or something. clara died and was erased from the doctors memory. river was in prison and also died. bill? died. all of them sugarcoated or undone or ignored by the narrative to the point of having effectively no impact on the story. the point of a major character death is that its supposed to have a point. and you could argue that a piece of art could be making a point with a pointless death, ie. to put perspective on it and remind you that bad shit just happens, but with moffat the underlying message is always “i can do whatever i want, nothing is permanent or has lasting impact ever.”

basically, with moffat, tragedy exists to be undone. and this was a really brilliant, really wonderful thing in the doctor dances specifically bc it was the doctor clearly having seen his fair share of tragedy that couldnt be helped, now looking on his One Win with pride and delight bc he doesnt get wins like this! and then moffat proceeded to give him the same win over and over and over and over. nobody is ever dead. nobody is ever unable to be saved. and if they are, really truly dead and/or gone, then thats okay bc moffat has decided that [insert mitigating factor here]*

*the mitigating factor is usually some sort of computerized database of souls.

i can hear the moffat stans falling over themselves to remind me that amy and rory definitely died, and they did - after a long and happy life together, they died of old age. i dont consider that a character death any more than any other character choosing to permanently leave the tardis.

and its not just character deaths either, its like, everything. the destruction of gallifrey? never mind lol! character development? scrapped! the same episode four times? lets give it a fifth try and hope nobody notices. bc he doesnt know how to not make the doctor either an omnipotent savior or a self-pitying failure.

it is in nature of doctor who, i believe, for the doctor to win most of the time. like, it wouldnt be a very good show if he didnt win most of the time. but it also wouldnt be a very good show if he won all of the time. my point is that moffats doctor wins too often, and when he doesnt win, it feels empty and hollow rather than genuinely humbling, and you know hes not gonna grow from it pretty much at all.

so like. again, i like all of doctor who i enjoy all of it very much. i just think that steven moffat is a bad show runner and a decent writer at times. and it is frustrating. and im not here to convince or convert anyone im just living my truth. thank you for listening.

[delicrieux]

—MAKE YOU SAY “OH” EXTRAS: TINDER

extra meaning non-canonical occurrence; can be placed anywhere in the “make you say oh” timeline after couple (cha. 14) and before the final “oh”. 

pairing—corpse husband x f!reader warnings—tinder profiles, tw: men, swearing.  word count—2.6k. format— written. ─── ❥ req by nonnie​:  y/n makes a youtube vid/live stream where she's just swiping through her tinder acc and corpse literally blocks her lmao

author’s note—akldsljfs this was such a funny idea i could not not write it lmao

ultimate masterlist. myso masterlist

You have pulled the biggest brain move by setting up both a facecam and a screen recorder on your phone. All is beautifully displayed and visible during the stream. Your fanbase is particularly intrigued on what exactly are you planning on doing today, seeing as your tweet of “strea” had been a bit vague, if not downright ominous. No emojis. No elaboration. You couldn’t even be bothered to finish the word. Truly, a mystery. Everyone tuned in and are currently waiting with bated breath.

A few of your fans must sense upcoming doom because the overall mood in the chat turns from optimistically intrigued to...evil. It’s an entity all on it’s own now, clawing at you through the screen with various renditions of laughter and devil emojis. A few eggplants thrown in there for good measure, accompanied, naturally, by the scandalous water drops. At first the common consensus is that you’re biting the bullet and going through your camera roll on stream. Definitely an idea worth considering, though you frankly don’t know what lies at the start of the 11k photograph journey, and you are afraid to check in public. Could be a harmless meme, could be a salacious pic you had saved of an OF star. It’s really a gamble. Either way, you would definitely get banned. You might still get banned. Why do you insist on doing shit like this?

Because it’s funny. Because you’re kinda stupid. Because it’s just so absolutely laughably easy to do.

A smile quirks your lips, and while it is not explicitly smug, the look in your eyes sure is, “Greetings,” You utter lowly, dimming the lights--the budget for this stream! Ugh, you went all out, “my children.”

mother i crave violence

sensing evil energy rn!!

i do not claim the energy in this video for myself or anyone else watching this 💖💖

^with peace and love shut the fuck up

“I know y’all lowkey hoes-” Upon your words the chat splits into two: one side eagerly agrees (even shares a few OF accounts! How helpful, supporting small businesses!), whilst the other feverishly insists on innocence. You make a face stuck somewhere between offended and bewildered, “Now c'mon now-I know you. I know you all. We’re the same, don’t-what was that?”

You try to scroll back to the comment but it’s loss in the sea of incoming messages, “I swear to God I just saw-”

Corpse_Husband: i love late night streams it’s not like i have anything better to do.

“COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORPSE!!!!” 

rip headphone users

i cant feel my face when im with you by the weeknd but instead of face its my fucking ears

yall think full vol on pc is better?my parents woke up 😭😭😭😭

To think he’s spending his last waking moments for today with watching you (he probably still would have anyway, because you do not posses an ounce of shame or self-control and pester him relentlessly)! It makes your heart sing, and suddenly, a traitorous, fun hating idea barges it’s way through the crowd of incoherent buzzing and states: don’t do this. For some reason it also has the voice of Rae. As if that would work in guilt-tripping you- Rae never succeed, and her fictitious rendition in mind won’t fare much better either.

Still, you thought about it. That must count for something. Corpse will understand, won’t he? Why don’t you want to upset it in the first place? Men look so funny when they lose their shit, like hello, don’t you have anything better to do? But the image of Corpse just sitting there, hurt, distraught, leaving you on seen because he’s in his sad boy hours leaves a sour taste in your mouth. 

queen rly went from  🥺😊 to 😕 u ok bbgirl?

Corpse_Husband: no pouts cutie

akjdjoeijdfse cUTIE??? deadass boutta r.i.p.

Well that succeeded in eliminating everything from mind, doubts included. If this was an anime, the scenery would shift into something roseate, with flowers and bubbles and sparkles all around you along with a halo or two. Alas, not an anime, rather reality. The led-lights, however, seemingly possessing a will of their own, slowly turn from deep violet to pink. You smile brightly, like the absolute dumbass you are, and you are met with a ray of heart and blushing emojis. You are just so cute, a real cutie! Still in your disguise adorable state, you swipe your finger on your phone screen, the grin never leaving your lips.

There, among the plethora of apps, nestled sits a red square with a white fire plastered on it. The delicate calligraphy on the bottom reads: TINDER.

The mood changes once again- you’re giving the roaches emotional instability by how quickly everything flips over- and the chat spams eggplants vigorously; some, of course, bravely fight against the thirst.

nooooooo i thought y/n is gonna stream in a god honoring way!!!

^pack it up girl defined

“So, Charlie and I-” You note a few awfully curious comments and squint, “-yes, we talk a lot. Charlie is a really good friend of mine. We’re best friends. Brothers. Sisters. Cousins. The whole fucking family tree-no, that sounds weird. Delete. Anyway, Charlie, being the absolute fucker he is, said, hey, you know what would be funny? And I was like, nooo, what would be funny, Charlie? And he says to me, he says, says, making fun of men on Tinder. And if y’all need any more proof that Charlie and I are platonic soulmates, then dunno, my children, my roaches, I dunno-I dunno what more to give you.”

You can’t be bothered reading the comments, there’s too damn many. You also need to save your reading comprehension for the actual bios. It has a time limit, that darn thing. 

“Okay, so I made a profile earlier, but I hadn’t swiped on anyone yet-” Despite the fact, Tinder helpfully informs you that already 99+ people have swiped right on you, “So, this is me,” You show the pictures you have of yourself, and damn, not to be a conceited narcissist, but you look really good. Like if you saw yourself on Tinder, you’d super like instantly. “Uhm, so, my bio-my bio says: let’s sauce in the tub together, ya dig? splishy splashy, giggle giggle.” 

i cant believe we are witnessing y/n trying to form a coherent sentence live 

shes trying give her time

ya dig??? y not capeesh

what scene from the godfather is this lol?

“My anthem, is,” You laugh, covering your lips with your hand, “Corpsie, this is form you-” Proudly, you show that indeed, Corpse’s E-GIRLS ARE RUINING MY FUCKING LIFE is listed as your anthem on Spotify, “Hehe.” Yes, you say that aloud.

Corpse_Husband: you’re killing me Corpse_Husband: thanks baby Corpse_Husband: now delete tinder ❤︎

You ignore his last quip, deciding it’s finally time to get this show on the road, “Right, let’s do this shit. I’m not actually going to swipe on any guys that look, uh, decent? Yuck, can’t believe I just said that, uhm, because I-because I feel like some actually deserve a chance with someone? I don’t wanna get anyone’s hopes up, as I am currently in a long distance relationship with Chrollo. So I’m just gonna swipe on, like, frat boy assholes. Because I don’t care if I hurt their feelings. Quite frankly I don’t think they possess them in the first place.”

The chat voices their agreements. With the ground rules set, you, giddy, click on the first profile.

Does Tinder know what you’re doing, your plan? The FBI agent watching you through your phone must be working overtime, bless his heart. They must, because the the first guy to meet you is named Jason, and there he is, blond hair and blue eyes, holding up a fish the size of his torso. Marginally adequate in looks, pretty good muscles. A solid 7 bordering on 8. He’s the same age as you, 15 miles away, and he studies at some college you don’t care enough to look up. Bio reads:

I like to drive fast. Fishing is my passion, but if you can’t catch me by the ocean, you’ll catch me catching waves, bro! Love a good gym date. You do squats, and I’ll keep a close eye to make sure you’re doing it correctly ;) You probably saw me at a party. Leader of the The Phi Kappa Psi. I’m a Gemini, if that matters lol.

You, of course, read it aloud, dramatically; provide some constructive criticism-he seems nice, but he’s a Gemini, so naturally, you can’t trust him at all! Also, that gym date session leaves little to be desired. With your rant done, you swipe right, and shocker! (not), it’s an instant match.

“Okie, I still wanna swipe of some profiles, so I’ll see what he’ll text later-” For a second you wonder the legalities of this stream, but you’re having too much fun to think of it further, “guys, I won't get sued, right?”

NOW she considers it

well....

if you do, we’ll kickstart your lawyer dw <3

Onto the next profile. Kevin, 25, is seen fixing his car- or, you assume he’s mid-fixing it, you don’t really know why else he’d hold a wrench and be covered in oil. He’s shirtless, and the caveman part of your brain echoes something closely resembling AWOOOGA!, but...but!...blonde hair, blue eyes. You pout again, “I don’t...I don’t really like blond boys, ya know? With the blue eyes and all, it’s just not my thing, uhm, unless it’s like-like...Armin from Attack on Titan. Else I don’t care.”

Onto the bio:

You have to treat a car like you treat a woman: go on long rides, take the lead, but most importantly, keep her oiled up 😜 

“What the fuck did I just read?”

The chat is equally confused. You swipe right anyway- another match. Too easy.

The stream continues without incident for a solid thirty minutes- all of your matches, expect a few that genuinely looked like normal dudes that really couldn’t write a decent bio to save their lives, had been blond hair blue eyed gym rats with ranging forms of misogyny. Some opened with asking for nudes out right, some asked about your day first before asking for nudes. You prefer the former. Straight to the point! You admire the gall. 

But then, down the forty-five minute mark a profile popped up that made you still by your phone, your smile dying as your eyes bulged. Dear God. Lord in heaven. Who is this demonspiit lookalike and why is he so fucking hot? The neck tats, the skateboard, the clothes- holy shit, you gotta close your mouth before some drool dribbles out.

No bio, just his name, Tyler, and that he’s 23.

“He boutta be 23 in me.” You mutter, swiping right with lightning speed.

WHAT DID SHE SAYYYYY?????????

tyler is y/ns karma for relentlessly mocking that one guy that had a whole ass list on what his “female” partner should be

^he deserved it and also tyler seems like a typical fuckboi y/n grow a braincell

look at mom 🥺 her eyes are sparkling

It wasn’t a match right away. You somehow expected as much, but it still upset you. Simp behavior, pathetic. The stream continued bravely, and when Tyler messaged you a simple “yo” you totally didn’t sequel. You didn’t manage to text him back on stream: texting all those guys that you didn’t really find all that attractive was easy, but this...You’re a sucker for a man who radiates red flag energy. His whole profile is a red flag. He might just be a red flag himself.

What can you do? Suddenly becoming color blind is not easy. Once the stream ends, you unmatch with everyone expect Tyler. He you chat with for a bit, but a sudden craving for different company makes you abandon him, too. You don’t feel too heartbroken for him- you’re certain there’s already too many girls in his dms. You wish them luck.

Happily, you delete Tinder. You go to Twitter, notice you’re trending again- look at you go! Queen shit- and as you compose a thank you tweet, something strange happens. You go to text Corpse, but when you click on his profile you grow cold.

YOU’RE BLOCKED. You can’t follow or see @/Corpse_Husband ‘s Tweets. 

...Pardon? You hop onto Instragram and-also blocked. Seriously? And you thought you’re one petty bitch. Corpse is seriously prissy about everything. Damn, if he didn’t like your stream, he could’ve just said so. Didn’t need to, like, block you from his internet existence. So not cool.

You try texting him but no text go through. Well how will you let him know you deleted Tinder just like he asked? You relieve your frustrations by punching your pillow a few times. Later, you apologize to her, you didn’t mean to hurt her, it’s not her, it’s you. Fuck, 5 minutes of exile and you’re already loosing your mind.

“Raeeeeeeeeeeee!” You whine loudly. It’s roughly 2am now, but you don’t care. You’re too heartbroken to care. There’s a thump from her room, but nothing else, “Raeeeeeeeee!!!” You wail, wallowing in self-pity on your bed. You hear a very loud, very annoyed sigh from her room, followed by angry marching. Your door is abruptly thrown open, and in the dim, colorful light you see her scowl.

“What?” She grits.

“Can you please tell Corpse to unblock me from everything?”

“What did you do now?”

“I made fun of men on Tinder.”

She pauses, “...That doesn’t sound so bad.” She surmises, voice laced with suspicion, “What else?”

“...There was one really hot guy that I kinda sorta talked to after--”

“Y/n.”

“-But I totally deleted Tinder and honestly he was pretty boring, so, like, uhm, please?”

She sighs, the servery of which implies she is holding the weight of the world on her shoulders, and instantly you know that you won. She taps away at her phone, “You owe me one.” She states, and before you can reply, she exits your room and slams the door behind her.

Grinning, you text his phone again. The message goes through, oh gosh, you’re so relieved you feel like crying. This has been, officially, the worst five minutes of your life.

You Y DID U BLOCK ME LOSER!!! MAJOR LOSER ALERT!! I DELETED EVERYTHING IT WAS A JOKE r u still mad at me? y u always mad at me i never do anything:(

my husband You’re my baby, how do you think I’ll react when I see you publicly simping for some asshole on Tinder?

Oh no, he used the words, he delivered the killing blow. You’re finished. Your heart can’t take such a workout. 

Not that you would ever admit it to him, though!

You hehe ur jellyyyy u always dis jealous hehe?

my husband Not jealous.

Yeah, you might not be the brightest tool in the shed, but even you know that’s a lie. You send him an array of kissy emojis that he doesn’t have the decency to reply to. Then, completely unprompted and dead serious, you send him a simple voice memo, saying: “You really have nothing to worry about, you know? You’re my favorite, Corpsie.”

He responds via text, reiterating that he’s not fucking jealous and that he just doesn’t like when you show such outward interest in anyone but it’s not like he cares or anything. It’s just really, like, weeeeird to see his baby simping for another man like that totally ruins the whole dynamic!!! It was only natural that he should block you on every social media platform, including his personal number (which, like, was completely necessary! Doesn’t matter that his viewers can’t see it, it’s gotta be super believable!), and inform his followers of that, because it’s all a joke, like, for the dynamic, that Youtube grind, you know? Ya dig? No personal feelings were involved at all. He totally wasn’t upset that you found someone else cute, no way!

my husband I’m not jealous. Lol.

You ik u repeated tht like 50 times  u trynna convince me or??? lmao

my husband No comment. ...You don’t actually talk to anyone else like we’re talking, right?

You no one else calls me their baby if thts wat ur wondering at least not to my knowledge lol im all urs

my husband That makes me very happy to hear:)

Yeah, it makes you very happy, too.

hope you liked it!! xx

[anothergolddustwoman]

After a complete lyrical breakdown here is my list no one asked for.

Songs from Red (Taylor’s Version) and which One Chicago couple I think they apply to. I added which lyrics reminded me of their relationship as either a whole or parts of it. The whole song might not actual apply just the specific line. Now my main ship is Brettsey therefore I can more easily apply lyrics to them.

Putting under the cut cause she long.

Feel free to add to it.

Some are very angsty so pre apologies.

State of Grace

Brettsey: "I never saw you comin'" "We learn to live with the pain"

Upstead: "I never saw you comin" "But this love is brave and wild"

Red

Burzek: The whole chorus The whole song

Treacherous

Stellaride: "I'll follow you, follow you home" See Stella following Kelly into the fire in 9x15.

I Almost Do

Brettsey: "And I wish I could run to you" Why do they have to be long distance?

Burzek: "In my dreams, you're touching my face And asking me if I wanna try again with you" Just let them get back together. They are angsty so I related them to angsty lyrics sorry.

Stay Stay Stay

Brettsey: The whole song except for like the first couple lines.

Stellaride: "I just like hanging out with you all the time"

Upstead: "Who took all of their problems out on me, But you carry my groceries and now I'm always laughing." Ope got all angsty again.

The Last Time

Burzek: "Find myself at your door just like all those times before" Adam always showing up at Kim's door for any reason.

Holy Ground

Brettsey: "But I don't wanna dance if I'm not dancing with you" I truly believe that Matt only dances with Sylvie.

Sad Beautiful Tragic

Brettsey: "And we both wake in loney beds, different cities." Had to throw in some angst for them too sorry.

Everything Has Changed

Brettsey: The whole song

Upstead: “All I knew this morning when I woke is I know something now I didn’t before” SCREAMS morning after their first kiss 8x4 and the whole song.

Burzek: Giving me early days vibes, but I can't really pin down any specific lyrics.

Starlight

Brettsey: “Ooh-ooh, we could get married Have ten kids and teach ‘em how to dream” this is very self indulgent of me as I want this to happen SO BAD.

I feel like everyone else could too cause its just a good happy song and when they are at the height of happiness they would be vibing with it. If that makes sense.

The Moment I Knew

OK PLEASE DONT HATE ME FOR THIS BUT I CANT GET IT OUT OF MY HEAD.

Burzek: “You should’ve been there Should’ve burst through the door With that “Baby, I’m right here” smile” I read this and only could think of last seasons finale and this seasons premiere with them IM SORRY.

Come Back...Be Here

BRETTSEY: I only think of them when I hear this song. You can’t convince me that Sylvie doesn’t scream this song when she is wine drunk missing Matt.

Message In A Bottle

Brettsey: All of this song.

Burzek: “‘Cause you could be the one that I love I could be the one that you dream of” “You could be the one that I keep, and I I could be the reason you can’t sleep at night”

Stellaride: “‘Cause now you’re so far away and I’m down” Only cause Stella is gone and Kelly might not really show it but he is very sad about it.

Run

I feel like this could apply to any one of them. I just can pin down anything.

The Very First Night

The very happy lovey lyrics I feel could also go with any of them when they are happy and in love.

Brettsey: “Im the one on the phone as you whisper “Do you know how much i miss you?”” HELLO they have said this at least once on the phone.

Stellaride: Same line. Kelly def has said this while Stella is away.

Upstead: Same line. Give me vibes from that phone call when Hailey was in New York with the FBI.

Taking nice criticisms.

[bansheeoftheforest]

Uh, is there still an angst break? Ignore this ask until your ready if so 👉😎👉

-

What was the au where Jekylls pushed down the stairs and experiences a skull crackening again? Oh well but I've been thinking of a branch of that where Jekyll doesn't know hes dead like all day. I also cant remember if that was already discussed or not

The lodgers patch him up, he complains of a headache, and goes on his merry way! He's confused why all the lodgers are so nervous and being nice to him all of the sudden, why creature is looking at him with a stange mix of empathy and pity. He was told he fell down the stairs, fell unconscious, and obtained a bit of an injury. He cant fathom why Frankenstein is "The only doctor who can treat him" why he has to constantly go to her for checkups. Why Maijabi is suddenly following him practically everywhere.

Hyde squeezes back control for a moment and tries the potion but it doesn't work. Maybe a bit of pain but certainly no transformation. Jekyll assumes his injury or whatever medication they're giving him to treat it somehow negated the effects

Jekyll complains about "suddenly blacking out" the lodgers know its because his soul is slippery. They tell him it must just be a side effect of the injury and not to worry

How long can they keep it secret from him? When does he find out? Does he? Does it get to be years only for him to realize that he hasn't aged? That he still needs checkups from Frankenstein? Does he learn sooner? Does a lodger crack and say it? Does he rot? Does he notice how so very cold he is. How animals act around him? It's all very interesting,,

-

I actually did think a bit of Jekyll's kidnappers for the amnesia kidnapping au! When drawing that lil sketch of Henry and O'Leary meeting Robert I had considered making it so O'Leary was suspicious of Lanyon like "Oh theres no news anywhere of someone matching Thomas' description who's missing. But some random people walk up claiming to know him? Begging to take him back with them?" And he'd think they were the kidnappers. But ultimately I decided against it as I felt Lanyon and Rachel were pretty clearly, genuinely concerned for "Thomas" :p

-

I tried playing assassins creed once, the first(?) one. But the controls were confusing and everything was sorta thrown all at me at once, and I got bored of it quickly

But! I went to the store the other day and just so happened to notice Syndicate was being sold for 15 dollars 👀 So I bought it because funky Victorian assassins and your influence! It's a bit less confusing then the first ac game I tried but why is going down or dropping so hard bdksnks. I'm having quite a bit of fun! If you dont count my rage and annoyance-, the B button refuses to cooperate with me unless I'm looting corpses >:(

The b button being the bane of my existence aside, I AM having fun! I like the funky outfits and I want to play as the girl twin (evie?) forever because her clothes are good and shes better at attacking than jacob(?) For some reason. Probably the stun her weapon has? Oh well! I have not unlocked any new outfits yet, nonetheless I wish there were more.

Also! I was thimking, and my current quests are taking place at 1868? Did I get that right? And Jekyll is like 35 in 1885. So in game he'd be 18! An au like I believe you mentioned sounds very interesting 👀 but I must play more to know what's going on and daydream about it

That would be the resurrection au <3

But god, I really like that branch! Especially combined with the hc that he can't feel pain bc the HJ7 and the transformations made him immune. Frankenstein patched him up and made fleshweaver to heal the crack in his skull but it still has to be bandaged, he surely broke a few bones, yet all he has to do is to be careful because it doesn't even hurt. He doesn't even realize how severe the injuries are because it doesn't hurt, it very well might just have been that he accidentally slipped at the bottom of the staircase and accidentally hit his head on the railing during his fall, rather than getting physically pushed and flying down the stairs, shattering his skull upon impact with the marble floor. Y'know what would be extra fun? If he only starts getting a bit suspicious about how severe the injury was once he realizes his lungs stop breathing for minutes at a time when he gets distracted, or his heartbeat stops dead in his chest. I know that that's not how biology or even creature works but lets say the HJ7 is funky, Zombie Jekyll my beloved. Perhaps he would only fully grasp what had happened once he blacked out too much and 'passed out', but his soul slipped out enough to leave his body unconscious on the floor while his soul/ghost was just... Watching. And it's not until Maijabi (who, as you said, follows him everywhere) immediately calls for more Lodgers saying that Henry's soul is getting unstable and Frankenstein's lousy job is starting to shine through that he fully understands that it was not a mere hit to the head. Or maybe it is when days, weeks, maybe months has passed and the headache never goes away, he only feels how his body starts feeling so much more... Fragile and delicate, that the guilt has eaten Helsby up alive and he corners him and spills everything, knowing he is going directly against what the group agreed to but not being able to keep it a secret much longer-- or maybe Creature would tell him immediately, once Henry is, for once, alone perhaps days after the initial accident. He cannot see Henry struggle to understand what is going on when he already knows what's happening to Henry, his mind, and his body. He doesn't listen to the plan that Frankenstein and the Lodgers has set up and immediately tells Henry the first moment they are alone. That would certainly be horrifying, I can only imagine how the Lodgers would find Henry after that, once he actually knows and manages to process everything. He would be so mad, not only to have been killed in the first place, but also because he was robbed of an afterlife because the Lodgers were selfish and could not accept the consequences of their actions. He would be mad, he would be so pissed and I have no doubt he might actually be mad at Maijabi too for even agreeing to help Frankenstein and the rest of the Lodgers. That anger would not stay long, though. That anger would soon turn into misery and sadness and paranoia so even as Henry has tried to push Maijabi away, Henry still ends up on his doorstep begging him to help him make sure he is not rotting, because no matter what anyone says, he is sure he can see rotten spots and patches on his skin and he is just so scared and jdhfjsdfdsfsfs... <3

--

Ooooooohhh, I was actually daydreaming about this just this morning! Granted, I woke up at 5 and began to daydream to fall asleep quicker but I still like the thought of O'Leary being suspicious of Robert/Rachel/Jasper/the Lodgers bc he is protective of 'Thomas' and doesn't want anything bad to happen to him and especially with the idea that Henry still has hallucinations and they both think he was abandoned by his family, left to rot at a mental asylum. O'Leary might very well think that it might be Henry's friends and family that dumped him that Henry had 'escaped' the hospital and that's why they knew he was missing since the Asylum itself obviously wouldn't have posted the news... I really liked Jeks idea, okay? Like a lot, I absolutely love it <3

--

Oh, the oldest AC game I played was Unity bc it was free after the Notre Dame fire, and I can confirm, I played 15 min and could not get through it even if i would have wanted to, it absolutely sucks so i have no doubt the older games are just as frustrating <3

BUT!!!! I'M SO GLAD MY CORRUPTION IS SPREADING AND YOU BOUGHT AND PLAYED IT AND ARE ENJOYING IT SO FAR!!! Trust me, Syndicate truly is an absolutely amazing game and is definitely one of my top 3 games of all time. I sometimes play it w my friend watching me play and trust me, I know that rage of trying to do smt but the character does smt else... or you try to do smt but the game doesn't react and you miss your chance... Oh well, still a wonderful game <3

My friend loves to play as Evie as well but I'm definitely playing Jacob every chance I get and I honestly get a lil pissy when I have to play as Evie bc I always prefer to play male characters, plus, I just like Jacob better bc he is a sweetheart. He is also canonically bisexual as hell!!! Have you met Abberline yet? The police officer? Him and Jacob together is one of my fave ships for the game. I also bought the ultimate/golden/whatever name it was edition so I had a bunch of extra outfits, I love the sherlock holmes outfit for Jacob but my friend keeps bullying me for it </3

Honestly? The time difference is the bane of my entire idea for the au bc if it's during their time Henry hasn't even graduated yet, and definitely not well-known enough for them to actively meet for whatever reason, and if you use the timeline for the jack the ripper dlc (in 1888) a lot of... Less than pleasant things happen so it wouldn't really make a lot of sense for a crossover to happen at that point but maybe it's just bc im a pussy and refuse to play the dlc. Rn, while imagining the au, I just imagine the 1868 timeline to be the same as the TGS timeline. I like to imagine the Frye Twins hearing about Henry and the Society and promptly breaking into his office to ask him to make poison and stuff for them. I also have a feeling that Jacob would flirt wildly with Henry and that Henry would be less-than-amused. It would also be a very fun thing with the fact that there would be two Henrys, with TGS Henry Jekyll and AC Syndicate Henry Green, soo... XD

[magpiemorality]

Platonic intruality with Remus as Patton’s guardian angel :0? Idk it’s an idea I had that I don’t think I could execute well but I think you could!! If I may add one more thing, could it be hurt comfort? I don’t wanna specify more because I wanna see what you do with it!!! (Okay bye now ily!)

This spiraled into something monstrous and painful and very, very cathartic. I hope it doesn’t hurt anyone to read, do watch the warnings. And remember; it is a story, and not an instruction booklet. Because of subject matter I’ve put a little summary in so there’s more warning about what’s coming!

And to you Chris, thanks for the prompt. It was special to write, in many ways.

The Hardest Fight Of All

Guardian Angel Remus has been assigned to help Patton Abbott, a sweet high school student with a very normal, decent life; nothing easy to spot for Remus to fight. But if the threat isn’t from outside, then it may be coming from within.

Warnings: Mental Health Issues, negativity, Unreliable Narrator, Self-Esteem Issues, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Emotional self-harm, what might be construed as bad handling of an individual with mental health issues, death mention (metaphorical). 

AO3

***

Patton Abbot didn't deserve his guardian angel. No really. He was sure he was nice enough, and he tried to be kind to everyone he could and forgive anyone that did him harm, but he didn't deserve a guardian angel for that! He wasn't in much danger, he didn't have a lot to complain about, with his perfectly normal life and normal parents and normal school. He even had normal friends! It felt selfish to have a guardian angel when he wasn't suffering at all really, and he hadn't earned it through doing anything particularly good either.

His guardian angel loudly, passionately and regularly disagreed, but Patton had yet to be convinced. Remus was lovely, but there were so many more deserving people that needed his help! He was flattered Remus seemed to enjoy being his guardian angel and hanging around with him but it was probably only because he was forced, and Patton was good at acting nice so at least he hoped he wasn't making the angel's job too awful.

That was if you asked Patton, at least. Remus would have a different perspective on things. But Patton hadn't... actually asked him? Because he was so obviously lying when he insisted Patton did deserve his presence and protection, because Patton didn't deserve it.

Over time though, something changed. Remus started to lose his glow, his wings began to droop and he stopped skipping and floating around above the ground, steps dragging heavier and heavier on the floor. Patton was terrified, constantly checking in with him because Remus was too important to feel bad, or get sick, or whatever it was that was happening! Patton had to help him!

When he woke up one morning to find Remus leaning on the windowsill, gazing despondently out at the garden and the rest of the houses he started to really panic. He had to be hurting the angel somehow, but how?! And how could he fix it?!

"Remus? What- what's up bud? You know you can always talk to me right? I think you're awesome, and you deserve to be happy!"

"I'm not so sure."

"You do!" Patton insisted, placing a hand between his wing joints on his back. "You do so much good, you're always taking care of me and you're so kind and lovely and fun and you-"

"It's taken me a while, you know," Remus interrupted. Patton went quiet apart from a soft, questioning hum. "To figure out why I was sent to you."

Ah. "Well it must have been a mistake, like I said before, but that's okay, you can consider-"

"Patton for the love of the sky and the stars; shut up."

Patton shut up, trying not to let the harshness hurt. He knew he'd been babbling on a bit, so it was probably his own fault, and after all even angels only had a certain amount of patience. And Patton knew he was annoying. But it still hurt just a little bit.

Remus rounded on him, eyes alight for the first time in weeks. He grabbed Patton by the shoulders and steered him back to the bed, sitting him down on the edge firmly and moving back to pace in front of him. Patton waited, still conscious of the reprimand, until Remus finally burst.

"I can't believe it took me so long! Honestly, I wasn't sure there was much to do here; you seemed so happy so much of the time, and you get along with almost everyone! Sure there's the odd bully, but its only ever in situations you put yourself into knowing they'll come, like that video channel thing of yours, and I suppose I assumed you realised you could just leave if you didn't want to see it all. You were so nice to them, too nice! But even when I visited them, sorted that out for you, or got you to spend time away from it, you were still... so hurt. And now, now I see the true problem. It's worse than I thought, and I'm- I'm so sorry I didn't see before, but I'm also angry, and it's not at you but it is-"

Unsurprising, Patton thought. That made sense, after all.

"Because the evil that I'm supposed to battle for you... is you."

Slightly more surprising. "Come again?" Patton asked, apologising quickly for speaking up. Remus bared his teeth as fury flashed over his face, flaring bright again for a moment. He looked... terrifying, but glorious. An angel in battle.

"There is no greater threat to you than yourself. And I don't know how to fight that! I'm angry because I'm sad; why would you attack yourself so viciously day after day, hour after hour, word after word and never afford yourself a single iota of the kindness you afford others?!" He stopped, chest heaving, and Patton felt the weight of an expected answer. He couldn't reply, just shrugging, which only set Remus off again. "You, the nasty horrible thing inside you, it's killing you! You feel like you're dying, and you just let it happen. I don't- I don't know how to fight that, I don't think I can fight that, and you just- " He growled, his morningstar appearing, only partially there, for him to swing in fury. "Everything they say to you that you rail against in public, you bite back against if those very words are turned on your friends with no mercy, you say the same things in your own head. You are so awful to yourself, you're just like them! I cant fight that!"

Patton swallowed. "It's not a big deal," he said weakly, heart hammering in his ribcage.

"But it is! And I can't do my job if you're the one stopping me at every turn! You don't even know you're doing it, or maybe you do and just pretend you don't, I'm not even sure anymore. But you desire so much better, why can't you take your own damn advice?! I don't- I don't think you even want to feel better sometimes, you've turned your suffering into so much of your identity. Do you actually like being this way...?" He cut off, narrowing his eyes at Patton suspiciously. Patton felt part of him squirm under that gaze, but another small part was quietly begging for the angel to go on, to finish lancing this horrid, deep-seated, ancient boil of Bad.

"It's not fair!" Remus finished. "You're doing it to yourself! Do you know how easy that is to stop?!"

Those were the words that finally got Patton up on his feet. Because no matter the truth of the rest of it; that was a lie. "It's not easy! It's not!" Thoughts of therapy and mental health diagnoses and the difficult of facing everything alone when it was easier to just suffer and frame it in martyrdom and help everyone and hope, pray that one day someone would help him too.

(And then push it away away away when that same help was offered back, falling into misery when that endless push- desperately testing his friends to their limits because he knew they'd get tired eventually- turned into a self-fulfilling prophecy as they ran out of support to throw against his walls of self-hatred and negativity)

Remus stepped forwards until they were chest to chest, gazing down from his height, fully blazing bright in the innocuous setting of Patton's bedroom. "But it is. If you want to."

Patton sat down again with a thump, feeling faint and nauseous. There was a moment of silence before he burst into tears, pulling his knees up to hide his face in. He wasn't even sure why he was crying. Because of the horrible cruel words? Because he didn't deserve even this harsh kindness (that felt like staring at the sun without protection or touching electricity, raw and painful and unfiltered for his comfort) after how awful he'd been? Because... because it felt terrible to even think about the fact that this could be his fault in some way?! And now Remus hated him just like the rest and he was going to leave and Patton would be alone and-

Two warm, gentle hands came up to cup his face and tilt it back into view, and Remus was there, looking stern and serious but not angry anymore. The relief that flooded through Patton was almost euphoric, like the weight of the entire sky lifted back up off his lungs. "I can't fight this battle alone, Patton," the angel said. "And I can't fight it at all if you don't truly, deeply, one hundred percent want me to fight it. To do that you need to understand that it's your battle too, that you have to put your armour on and go to war alongside me, if we're to have any chance at success. Because right now you're on their side, and you're sabotaging us from within."

"But it's my condition! My brain doesn't-"

"You think I don't know about that?" Remus frowned, rubbing his cheeks gently. "You've got medication. You've got a therapist, you have people who are trying their hardest to love and support you. But you can't survive the ocean on a raft of other people's making. It will stop you sinking, for a time- perhaps even for a long time, but you won't get any closer to shore unless you start to paddle. And as you paddle you'll also have to patch up any cracks in the raft with your own hands, perhaps with the materials you're given but the work to stitch it all together and sail it has to be your own. It's- I'm not a fan of metaphors but do you see? You can't be the only one not contributing to your own recovery."

"I'm not recovering from anything, I just have a negative self image and... and some other things. But they're bad! They're not things you get better from-" Patton tried, voice trembling and weak. Remus just looked at him, hands still on his face.

"Aren't they?" He asked simply. "You don't think you could ever manage to feel better than you do right now? You think all the stories of people improving their lives are... made up? You think, perhaps, that the medication is all a placebo, that once you've labelled the problem it's made permanent and nothing can ameliorate the symptoms or make life easier to live?" The angel leaned in and dropped a kiss to Patton's forehead, leaving a warm tingling in its wake. "The world would burn, if that were true," he whispered, before standing up.

Patton just kept on sitting in silence, face itching as his tears started to dry on his skin.

Remus gave him a small but real smile. "You've got plenty to think about. Consider my pitch; without you I will continue to fight the war, hopeless though it may be, but with you..." He grinned properly then. "Oh the things we could achieve, dear one."

And off he vanished, in a flutter of feathers and the sound of moving light.

It left Patton feeling as though, in the space of only maybe half an hour, the entire world had changed around him. He wondered, as he lay down on his bed, exhausted and reaching for his favourite plushie for comfort, whether what Remus said was what his therapist secretly wanted to say. It was a funny thought, mild-mannered Dr Picani ranting like the passionate angel, but Patton barely managed a lift of his lips. He needed to rest, and then he'd start to think about all this. If it wasn't true, if the angel was mistaken, seeing things that weren't there because of how boring it was being Patton's guardian; then nothing really needed to change except he would renew his efforts to get Remus reassigned.

If it was true though? Then that changed everything, and Patton Abbott would have a lot of hard work ahead.

He wished he knew which one he was hoping for.

-

[storysofmyown]

Seven stages of love Chapter 5: Storge

Summary: Ever since the Celestial War, since they all fell, Asmodeus has  dedicated himself to his sin. Not caring about anything else, but  drowning himself in the pleasure and ecstasy of it all. But not anymore,  now he cant even handle the idea of it. But, what else is there to want? After so long of having indulged in his sin, what is there than  Asmodeus is looking for, something that will fill him, and that wont  drive him to destruction? Perhaps his brothers can help him with that. Warnings will appear in each chapter.   

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Word Count: 2,647

Trigger Warning: Mentions of lust, anger, crying, detachment.

Asmodeus woke up alone. His eyes meeting nothing but the darkness of the Devildom mornings as he sat up on his bed. Wait, his bed? No, it wasn’t his bed, it wasn’t as soft, and the floral scent that was constant in his room wasn’t there. It also didn't feel like Mammon's bed, no quite. In his confusion, the demon barely registered when his eyesight adjusted to the dark, realization hitting him as he finally noticed who’s room he was in.

“Mhm, you are awake.” A deep voice caused the demon to look a little too fast at the door, only to see his eldest brother standing there with two cups of tea. “I suspected you would be doing so soon, so I took the liberty of getting you some as well.” He moves his hands as if emphasizing he meant the tea, before walking over to his desk and setting both cups down, only to turn to his younger brother, a unreadable expression in his face, like always, as he sat down on a chair and starred at Asmodeus, whose mind was still wondering how he had woken up in his brothers room.

It wasn’t like he went to sleep in his room either. If the way his back ached was anything to go by. That was something about each of them that showed how they were unique. Or at least, some of those things, they were trivial, but the more Asmodeus payed attention to them, the more he realized how different each of them were. if they were a family like they had always thought, although broken in its own achord, why were they so different? Perhaps, at the end of the day, the only reason why they called each other brothers was because they fell together. Had Diavolo decided to pay no mind to that, and gave each of them a house of their own, would they still see one another as brothers? No, what was he thinking? They were family, right? I mean they had been they for each other so far...they had to be.

Asmodeus aimlessly took the cup of tea, barely even glancing up at the demon as he sighed, placing it down on the table that was besides his brothers bed. A tiredness in his eyes and withing himself that the demon couldn’t believe or even comprehend. Then, a memory of words, promises and ideals come to his mind, as he frowned. That’s right, he still didn’t know how in the world had he found himself in his eldest brothers room.

“…I thought I had fallen asleep in Mammon’s room.”

He whispers, half absentminded. There was no real reason why he was asking. To be fair, now days, there was no real reason why he did or said anything anymore. There was just this big hole inside of him, and for a moment the other night, he truly believed that if he went back, to those nights when once had enjoyed, if he went back that he once more that it would all go away… Or perhaps not. He knew that it would only hurt him more, even Mammon had seen through his rouse. Now, now he was able to see clearly through the fog that had cemented itself in his mind. He had not been looking for a way to fix everything that he thought was wrong with the way he was feeling. No, in fact, if anything, he had been looking for the final thing that would simply allow him to cease all feelings. The real reason was that he was so tired from all of the things he had learned and did not understand, and that feeling in his chest, that he was hoping to destroy it all, even if it meant destroying himself in the process.

“Mammon informed me about your state. And I wanted to be present when you awoke.” With those simple words, the older demon noticed a shift in his brothers expression. No longer did he look detached from it all and tired, now he looked alert, shocked…betrayed. But, why would he feel any of those things? It was more than expected none of his brothers knew how to keep things to themselves, even Belphegor had exposed him, perhaps not by saying to the others what he had seen, but by letting the others know about the state of of him.

The elder demon noticed the lost expression in his brothers eyes, starring at him for a couple of seconds before he sighed, placing down his own cup as he approached him, only to be meet with a glare. Asmodeus felt like his entire being did not matter. Every time he allowed himself to feel any type of way, he was immediately found out by another member of his family. First Belphegor, then Mammon, and now Lucifer. Why couldn’t they just allow him to deal with this on his own?! Did they need to show him just how ridiculous the situation was one by one standing in front of him with some put together nice words that showed just how much they knew of the one thing Asmodeus seemed to be so confused by?!

Why did they even went through the trouble of giving him the time of the day?! Why would they share their information, their knowledge, who they were, to the pathetic demon that came to each of their door to cry and complain about things that he had no grasp about?! Was it pity? That must be it. Pity for the demon that they were forced to see as family. Pity at seeing him so withered away from his original form, or perhaps it was their own sick and twisted way to tempt him with the answer. Perhaps it was a trick from all six of them, each telling Asmodeus something different to make him feel somehow worse than he already did. He wouldn’t put it past them, they were demons after all.

Family, yeah, that may be what they introduced themselves as, brothers who fell together and now represented the sins. Sins that were no longer represented by them, but them having become the living embodiment those. Leviathan must have felt some kind of satisfaction, the Avatar of Envy, having finally nothing to be envious about as he smirked and allowed himself to rejoice in knowing more than his brother. Satan, heh, how fun must it have been for him, watched the wrath and confusion in him as he explained simply and calmly all that he knew. Mammon, oh dear Mammon, that idiot must have countless of pictures and videos, maybe even voice recordings of what he had said and acted like the night before. He must have already sold it, made some pretty penny and now was spending the money after having humiliated him. And of course…Lucifer, Lucifer, avatar of Pride. He must be feeling so powerful and strong at seeing his weak pathetic little brother like this. Must be feeling a rush of pride at knowing he was better in every way, and his little brother was nothing but a pathetic mess. He hated it all, had it always been like this, have they always pretended to be family? Well, its not like it mattered in the end.

“Asmodeus? What is-?”

“DON’T YOU DARE!”

Asmodeus scream was that of a child, a child who had just been revealed some kind of truth he did not want to hear. It was so shocking and so raw, so hurt, that Lucifer could do nothing but stare at Asmodeus for as long as he could allow himself to. Just when he was about to speak, the panting from his brother ceased as tears were reflected in his eyes, the glare still in place. As many emotions that were swirling in the demons’ eyes, there was one that Lucifer could pinpoint precisely. An emotion that he himself that felt so many years ago, an emotion that all of them had felt at some point, the same emotion that had literally given one of them live so many years ago.

Hate. It was a hate so powerful and palpable that Lucifer couldn’t help but remember the time when he felt such an emotion. But this was slightly different. Within the hate, there was something more. There was a sadness that could take over thee hate in a flash of light. Asmodeus felt so completely alone, and those emotions he was feelings…they weren’t directed at Lucifer, not really. Not him or at any of the brothers, no. They were directed at Asmodeus himself as he refused to look at Lucifer again. Finally speaking.

“…don’t you dare ask what is wrong, trying to get me to talk about it just so you can feel some sadistic pleasure at knowing that I am like this! You must be rejoicing already but I wont let you or anyone else keep seeing me like this! I-I know that I am we-weak and all t-that! B-But it doesn’t mean I need you! I-I don’t need your help s-so j-just shut up!”

The demon was so overwhelmed he couldn’t even stop the words from escaping his lips. He was lying, or maybe not. And he was possibly wrong about that statement, but it didn’t matter. He didn’t want anyone to see him like this, and yet from the very start of the situation, each time he was in his lowest point one of his brothers had to intervene and watch him as he fell slightly, as he became more desperate as he learned of the thing he still had no idea what it had struck him so hard when Belphegor claimed it.

At this point…he felt nothing but despair. It had been weeks, maybe longer, since that word had made its way into Asmodeus life, and he had yet to understand it in anyway. And now…now here he was. Screaming at his brother, thinking to himself that he didn’t need anyone, or more, rather, trying to convince himself that he didn’t need anyone.

In the fickle moments were clarity made its way to the shipwreck inside Asmodeus mind, there was a slight chance where the real part of Asmodeus could see through all the deceive and the lies he had been feeding himself. The deception that had cemented itself as solid stone, an overwhelming presence of la fort as it presented itself like an impotent being that was there to defend Asmodeus, it kept growing and becoming far greater than it was even possible. Although there were cracks, cracks where the demon could find himself looking for a way out, where the real world placed itself and presented itself to him, but it never lasted long.

The wall became far greater and bigger with each lie Asmodeus fed himself, and the curses flying his mind as he tried to rip the memories and the information his brothers had given him in the past. Part of him wanted to hold on to that information, to learn and to understand, to simply separate himself from the lustful demon he was and forget all about the past. But there was another part of him that each time he tried to climb, dig or shine from the fort, it grabbed him and pulled him deeper into a maze formed with the same stone he had managed to strip away. In the end, it was only him with his conflicted feelings, a void inside, and meaningless words with the suffocating sensation that brought the never-ending walls. Because this was Asmodeus, and there was nothing more to him.

There right in the room, for a moment, maybe more, perhaps less, existed a silence that prevailed. A silence that covered and bathed every each of the two demons that stood there. The soft ticking that came with a bomb having ceased as it had already unleashed all that had hidden inside. All that had been unsaid for so many years and had been slowly corroded by the weight of time. In a moment Lucifer assumed he had been talking to his brother, the same brother that laughed at night and made jokes and complimented each one of them. In the other, with the silence, with the crumbs left in the air, Lucifer realized that all this time, he and everyone else had been talking to a nonexistent figure. A blank, a pose, an actor, a ghost. Someone that someone had taken over the face of their brother, his voice, his mannerism, and had shaped him into something he hated.

For the first time, it seemed like he was talking to the real Asmodeus.

No, that wasn’t the case either. This was what was left after so many years of the façade, but…but it felt real. Although the image in front of him was fragmented and with missing pieces, a voice so broken that even screams only passed as the softest of whispers, with the gust of wind carrying them away, it was real. What Asmodeus was expressing, they were real concerns that his brother had. And Lucifer felt, that for the first time, he truly knew his brother.

Neither of them could tell how much time it had passed since Asmodeus last spoke. The air was filled with the silent, and Asmodeus head was filled with the ever-aching sensation of not belonging, of not knowing. Trapped in the maze withing the fort he couldn’t even tell when Lucifer sat down next to him, with a soft expression. Or when had his brother taken Asmodeus hand into his own, or even when he had initiated a hug where the younger demon actually felt the warmth he had missed ever since Belphegor hugged him that one night, and when the rest of his brothers showed him any type of affection. After an untellable amount of time, Lucifer finally spoke. And Asmodeus felt like finally, after so much fighting with himself to held it up, a part of the wall was brought down.

“…I know you are confused. Scared, and that you feel alone, you are discovering things about yourself that go against everything you thought you were, and that you no longer see yourself as the person that you used to be. And…that is okay Asmodeus, you don’t have to be a certain way all of your life. You don’t have to force yourself to be someone. You are you, in every shape, in every way, in all forms. The past was you, but that shouldn’t stop you from welcoming and embracing this new you. And at the end of the day, even if you still haven’t figured it out, or if you did and you don’t like it, or any other possible scenario, we will be here.” Lucifer paused, and so did Asmodeus breathing for less than a mere second as he prepared himself for Lucifer's next words, he knew what they would be, alas, the impact was the same. “Because we are family…”

Family…a broken family. If anything. So why did Lucifer, one of the most powerful demons there were in the Devildom had to go out of his way to comfort him? He must be such a shame for his family. And yet…yet all of them had showed that although he was in this state, they were there for him, to answer his questions and tell him the hard cold truth, and beyond that to take Asmodeus hand, look him in the eye, and say they were going to be there for him no matter what. They were flawed family, and Asmodeus hated how much they were in each others business. But even if his doubt killed him, even if they got into fights, and even if one if they were deeply wrong, they would stand together.

“Because we are family, and we **** you.”

*****

Well hi! I really hope you all enjoyed this new chapter! There are only 2 chapters left in this fic so i hope y'all are looking forward to them lol, anyway, next chapter on Saturday, hopefully. Until then!

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[tarasylnin-lavellan]

Justice's Ally

so one of my mutuals characters will be in the next installment the wonderful @w-h-4-t s Harel and she is a HUGE part of this piece since this is very heavily based off of the dialog that she and I ran back and forth for this so thank you lethalan you are amazing

Okay my lovelies here is safe for work recap so that you will be up to speed.

Tara has a terrible dream in which she is chased through a twilight forest. This forest is filled with massive dark crystal formations and trees that seem to stretch up out of sight. She is hunted and attacked by something that resembles the Dread Wolf. After she wakes terrified and half awake she loses the iron control she always keeps. We find out why, she has a spirit bound to her, Cullen reacts badly to this news saying she is an abomination and runs from her.

Tara is left with no choice in order to ensure her own safety she flees Skyhold. She is fleeing for the arbor wilds knowing that she can evade capture there and figure out what in the world she is going to do now.

Now on to the regularly scheduled angst

Dorian had decided that he wanted to read "Draconica the study of Dragon kin." He picked this up rather than the two before it in the stack. "Knowing us we are going to have to fight some scaly monstrosity soon." A small note fell from the pages in the dawn light, and Dorian caught it. His eyes scanned it quickly it was in Tara's precise script. He felt his heart tear at the terse words, "oh no, isa'ma'lan." He felt the outrage rising in him a bitter flame, that bastard ran her off! Dorian stormed toward the tower, people clearing out of his way quickly.

Dorian slammed the door open, and Cullen started violently halfway pulling his blade free. Dorian flicked his hand and all of the doors to the tower locked. "You, bastard if you hurt her so help me," Cullen stood rigid his eyes locked on the younger man. Dorians temper flared " SHE WAS YOUR LOVER, AND MY SISTER!!! THE ONLY FAMILY TO EVER LOVE!" Cullen cut him off his voice harsh and hurt "she is an ABOMINATION!" Dorians face grew dangerous as he looked at the ex templar "HOW DARE YOU!" his hands began to smoke faintly as he clenched them.

Cullen's face contorted in apprehension "You cant even control yourself." He let out a pained breath "maybe Meredith was right, maybe you are all abominations waiting to happen. Cullen looked tired and sad as if he didn't want to believe what he said. Dorians keen eyes caught the doubt in Cullen, he worked to calm the fury and outrage in his heart.

"She has always been like that, you ignorant bastard! She is a miracle not a MONSTER!" Cullen slammed his hands on the desk making things jump crazily. "MAGES its always MAGES WHY you blasted mages keep using me." Cullen's eyes welled with tears of grief, and he gritted his teeth hands shaking on his desk. "USE YOU?! she left to save you!" Dorian waved his hand "ah you are impossible, she was born like that she didn't change your eyes did." Cullen looked up frustration and hurt flashing in his amber eyes, "your glib tongue do you no favors mage!" Dorians hands rested on his hips, "shut up, just shut up and listen to yourself. This is Tara, our Tara, you're calling an abomination you washed up chantry fanatic! You want to call her monster, mage killer? We all have things that we would rather others not know. But Tara is.... SHES DONE EVERYTHING TO MAKE SURE SHE NEVER FALLS INTO A HOLE LIKE THAT BUT YOU you have..."

Cullen scoffed at the mage "you didn't see her, you cannot tell me my eyes have changed." Dorian scoffed right back "let me guess... she woke up screaming and fell out of the bed. And then hmm let me guess a blue light formed from her skin and her eyes glowed blue white." Cullen's eyes widened in surprise "who do you think holds her after those awful nightmares when you aren't around golden boy? My greatest regret is that she'd sacrifice her stupid selfless beautiful soul for an ignorant bastard like you. My beloved sister ran because she knew you would be forced to kill her, TO KILL HER FOR YOUR DAMNED HONOR. She didn't want to put YOU through that not for the sake of her own life! Knowing her she'd let you kill her," at this Cullen's face paled visibly "I see that I am right the damned fool, offered her life in payment, typical." Cullen growled "Enough!" slamming his hand on the desk again in pure emotion. "How HOW am I to look at her.... when all I see is that THING, HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL!"

Dorian looked at the torn man, "you feel as though she lied to you and used you. We cannot change the fact that Tara didn't tell you of her nature. However we must look at the intent, Commander. Not everything is this rigid black and white you blasted Andrastian's love so much. I will never know the pain you feel right this minute, but I do know that we are missing someone integral in our lives. Someone who has just run to maker knows where to save us." He sniffed in distress " its just like her, isn't it? She loves us so much.... that she would do anything for us....even... at the expense of herself." She would run to her death but she knows, she knows that it would break you to put her down. So she shattered everything she has instead for you. I know the courts Cullen, I know peoples faces from years of living in that snake pit and yours is all too easy to read. You think her cruel for hiding, and terrifying for the albatross. You cannot simply pull all of that love out, you idiot. All those restless nights, up at all hours researching Lyrium addiction and treatments. Her every waking moment, spent looking after your shattering body and mind." Dorian sighed heavily "do you have any idea how many times I had to peel her off her desk because she had passed out there? She is painfully selfless, and in your ignorance and fear you close your heart to her.

In Tevinter she would be accepted she would even be admired for what she is. She is a rare person, a true spirit born, a person who dies but a spirit breathes there own life into to bring back. But here? here she would be killed without question, simply for existing."

"She tried not to love you, the fool, but she simply couldn't help herself. Every day that woman puts up a Fucking WALL, EVERY DAY. And the moment she lets it down you prove her right and tear out her heart. And yet she left for YOU to save you the pain of her death. She would rather you despise her than grieve her. She probably wishes she were truly dead right now."

Cullen's voice was weak and pained "....magic.. exists to..."

"If you finish that sentence, Templar I will have no mercy for you" Dorian snarled. "Don't you dare quote scripture at me, I know spirits, I know those things you call demons. And Tarasyl'nin is not one. Don't. You. Dare. All that wonderful woman has done has been to SERVE others, she asks for nothing in return EVER. You are not out there by her side in battle, she will throw herself in front of anything to protect the innocent. Now tell me Templar is that the actions of an Abomination?"

"STOP IT she lied to me," Cullen barked in response but his heart was wavering desperate to believe. "She lied to protect you, because she adores you. You know our Tara can be a bit abrasive but when she loves, she loves hard. She would do anything for the people she cares for. Why cant you see that? just put the armor and the scripture away for a moment. Take a step back, its Tara, she never truly hid from you, Cullen she only wanted to be loved" Dorians voice hitched on the word loved. "She just wants what all of us want to be loved, for who we are. She tried so hard not to love you, to stay away from you but she couldn't help it. So she tried to protect you to let you think she was...normal. She wanted to protect you from her, HER of all people. The person who would throw herself to her knees and, let you kill her if you thought that was right." Dorians eyes filled with tears and he wiped them away viscously "she knew... the moment that you found out that you would kill her or she would have to run. She made plans to make sure you could never find her." Dorians chest hitched painfully " and now I have lost the only family that loves me." He looked at Cullen sullenly "I wish she had never met you, I tried to warn her damn you."

A heavy silence fell over the pair each lingering in the grief that filled the room like choking smoke. At last Cullen let out a sigh and massaged his forehead, "what is the dem-...the spirit like?"

Dorians eyes widened in astonishment "Pardon?" Cullen let out a slow breath " the spirit, what does it do? or think...or what?" Dorian eyed him warily "you...you actually wish to know?" Cullen looked up at the ceiling "I... rifts are tearing apart the world, A magister god has appeared and I have just learned the woman I love is part spirit. The world cannot get any more mad, perhaps instead of resisting like I have always done.... I... suppose its time to... learn. to get accustomed to this. Besides " Cullen looked down with reddened eyes "I cannot bear to lose the only good thing in my life after so much horror."

Dorian watches Cullen, his eyes discerning and shrewd, "as you wish Commander. Tara told me that she was still born this can happen with twins. Her mother begged the gods for help to save her daughter. Apparently a spirit heard her instead, and a blue white shape wrapped itself around the still child. In that moment she cried out but her eyes glowed faintly blue. The spirit is tethered to her it is all that keeps her alive, it is not so much a voice in her mind as hmm her subconscious. It influences her but cannot control her actions. However it is protective of her much as you beloved hounds are. It will appear in times of great stress and danger, it is the spirits power that she uses in battle. Her power is limited and focused because it is the spirits strength. It inspires her and at the same time, it grates on her taxing her. Think of it as ice melting in water except the ice is melting very very slowly. Its a part of her that is slowly blending into her. She is a living bridge to the fade and all that lies beyond.

Cullen let out an apprehensive breath "what spirit is it?" his hands clenched painfully on the wood. Dorian watched this impassively "It is a strong willed but impartial spirit... Justice... you templars know its darker form I know vengeance. As I recall that fool of a man Anders was possessed by one like it. However the difference is, Tara made no deal she has always been like this. She has grown in the shadow of this burden, she is not some foolhardy apprentice looking for power. She would rather destroy herself, than let the spirit corrupt her, as I fear she may now."

Cullen's eyes fly wide and he pales visibly "makers breath....we have to find her! The inquisition! the.. the... Tara.. she is out there!! Alone!" Cullen franticly tried to gather things, seemingly without direction. Dorian chuckled faintly at the man, "you are proposing that we attempt to find a Dalish woman, in the forest, with a head start no less?" Cullen whirled looking frantic " what other choice do we have? If we send a raven, it will not know where to find her! We... there has to be some way, makers breath if only she had a phylactery." Dorian cut him off "you honestly want to talk about that horrid practice after every thing we just discussed?" "The Inquisition needs her! Cullen interjected and Dorian scowled " never suggest a phylactery again.”

Now thankfully I have already sent out two expert trackers." "Some of Leliana's people?" Dorian waved a manicured hand at the question "Oh void no, people that can sense spirits much better than your Templars or soldiers ever could." "Cullen swallowed heavily "we have to get her back post haste." Dorians eyes glimmered in response "ha, look at you just a moment ago you were screaming bloody murder and now, he has become a knight again, Good show!" His eyes became level in a moment "I need to know that she will be safe, before I even consider letting them TRY to bring her back."

Cullen hung his head and responded "I will not harm her, of that you have my word....I....I just want her to return for the inquisitions sake. Dorian cleared his throat pointedly "....and for mine." "Lets hope Harel and Cole can find her then, I do not wish to live without my sister. Cullen's emotions crowded his mind "and.... I don't want to..." Dorian sighed dramatically "by the black Devine's breeches, you Ferelden men cant take even a little emotion."

[softpine]

So, I have a simblr just like you and everyone else and I want to start my story so bad but I feel so sad and tired that literally everyone on here uses reshade and have such pretty pictures, and I cant use reshade. So, Idk, i just feel sad cause my pictures will never look as good as you guys pictures does. Its so hard to find an editing that I like and that illustrates reshade, so it looks like i’m faking having it lmao. Ugh I just hate this feeling :(

hey love you should just go for it!! when i joined simblr i had never even heard of reshade, i just wanted a place where i could share the pics i was already taking for fun, and maybe someone else would get some enjoyment from them too. please don't get discouraged by notes or followers, i know i say this all the time but it's because i really believe it.. and also i don't really know what else to say 😞 interaction is fun, but at the end of the day i'm 100% posting my story because i love it. if one day, everyone unfollowed me or something, i would keep making my story just for myself!! because i'm passionate about it and i want to see it through. if you truly enjoy writing your story, don't let anyone take that away from you!

that being said, plenty of people will read a story whether you use reshade or not!! (myself included 100%!) you can do amazing things with editing alone, like the best example is @hallucinosims omg i forget all the time that they don't use reshade because their pics look that good :') and there are tons more people, but i just woke up and my brains not working skfjks anyway moral of the story, do what makes you happy!!! and i would love to see what you write! (honestly shoot me a message if you post anything, i want to read it!) 💖

[princelestatdelioncourt]

*fanfict*

“Why the hell should I go down and meet him?” I protested

You know the story. I will explain what happened in between the lines.

I finally went and met the draper and his son. The actual story never said what it was felt but the basics of meeting and receiving these gifts for my good job killing wolves. At least I was compensated and given thanks for something I’ve done. For once.

My brothers were annoying on if I really killed all these wolves by myself and it was not an imaginary thing I have created in my mind and I lied to them for attention, you know Augustin’s reaction. Them thinking instead it was only that wolf I have carried back home. But at least the Villagers found the dead scene, the horse, my dogs and the wolves. So yes its was all true.

And now my brothers saw that instant connection with Nicolas. They became more annoying. Gods know when it was the last time I saw Nicolas. I was maybe, 10? I Cant even remember. He was sent to study to Paris, they had money for that. I was barely no much around the Village but when I needed to go. So I wasn't sure when he departed to Paris. I spend most of the time at the castle and later on in the mountains, hunting, my own happiness.

And so now Nicolas was back. I could remember very briefly our childhood days when we were 5 or 6. That bitter kid. Now he was looking splendid.

The sun shone on his back, it even seemed he had his own light all around him. His silhouette. He approached to me offering me the gifts and his voice was soft and captivating. Yes, I could remember him now. I looked down at the cloak and boots. Just so magnificent and gorgeous items. So soft. How could something  was alive, just weeks ago, then I killed them and now I could wear it. Is like the Medieval Times, kill they prey and wear his fur, Kill the enemy and carry his head.

I looked up, into his eyes when he was giving me the respectfully thanks, like these rich Parisians do, I just found it stupid but I thought that he either acted or he was actually that polite. I wasn't paying attention to what he said as I was submerged on my thoughts. I never knew how to thank properly as I was never given any gifts. I just looked into his eyes, so dark and so deep while he continued talking. His voice was like a soft faded song on the background. He shone, he was beautiful dressed but I also saw in him something that was familiar to me, in his eyes. Something that I knew of as well. I could see his handsome smile but I could see sadness or frustration in his eyes. It was like a self reflection of myself. Different but similar.

I ignored or tried to ignore these thoughts about him. Perhaps it was just me and my own misery receiving these gifts and his perfect outfit something that I knew I would never have. I knew that now, I would feel more alone, becasue of the wolves and now if I would wear this beautiful cloak. Surely I was in love with that cloak and boots, I never had garments like this before. But I was happy,  that I saw him again as well.

And as always, that happiness once again faded when my mother told me she was dying. Like a cold ice shower over me. I froze. I could not think, I could not act, I could not imagine but I imagined the horror that was coming my way. To have to be there when she will be on her last minutes, to listen and see her pain...unbearable. It drove me insane and mad. Mad why her. Why she had now to suffer this after all these years trapped in misery like me. WHY! Why not them, why not someone else who deserve its, Not her. I was angry with hr why she now will have to leave me that way and for her suffering, I was angry to my father for making her life miserable and mine as well, I was angry at my brothers, I was angry at the Castle, I was angry to every thing that surrounded me. I had these nightmares, killing one after another, every night, gone, and she shone, alive, young, beautiful, I saved her, They were dead and she was alive and beautiful and then she was gone, gone, gone...Mother... dont leave me...I love you...Mother...

I have stayed in my room for a week with these thoughts in my mind and these  nightmares that awoke me with despair. I wanted to be alone, to cry in silence, to think and not to think, to drink until I could not handle anymore, to run away without going anywhere, to hunt and kill whatever crossed my path...I was furious with everything... I had my dogs and they gave me some peace and company. New adult dogs I adopted days after the wolf battle when I was able to handle to have dogs. So I was able to go hunting again. Not even the servers talked to me, neither I wanted to talk to them.  All that time I was in my room, after the battle and now this about my mother, we only ate vegetables and broth. Cheese. Bread. No one, was capable to go hunting but me. So basically we starved. I wasn't hungry anyways. I had too much in my mind. I didn't care about food.

The red cloak on my bed and the boots near the fireplace. I thought about Nicolas then. I felt I was like in a dark cloud all this time, grey skies all around me, cold, unable to see past that cloud but that cloak was so bright red, was so vibrant, like when I saw Nicolas, he shone. How much I wished everything was a dream. The wolves, my mother, my brothers, my father, Nicolas...all a damned dream. But not, it was very real.

Days after my Mother came back to my room. Just as she always did when she came to my room. Same walk, same back and forth, slowly and calm yet so secure and her voice, strong but weak “Go down to the Village and meet Nicolas. His father will be happy to know he is friends with the Marquis Son.” she said

That didn't help. The hell with the Marquis and whatever people thinks I am now. I hated that. I hated it all. I hated to see my mother decaying. I hated her words. I hated to see her gray hair. I didn't say anything to respect her and not to aggravate her on her pan, I just stared at the fireplace in silence, not even looked at her now. She gave me that last look before she left my room. I saw it by the corner of my eye....moments later, I finally decided to go to meet Nicolas.

I looked horrible. I shaved with that old straight razor and splashed my face with cold water. The servants always refilled the basin with water but it was always cold. I was horrible mostly during winter times. All clean now. At least my face was. I was dressed with my old white yellow with age shirt, the jacket I owned and over my shoulder the red cloak and the new boots. It felt warm. It feel good. I make an order for the dogs to stay and they obeyed.

I’ve heard my brothers laughing and whispering on my back while I was on the way to the barn but Ignoring their presence and their ridiculous comments, I continued walking. The last thing I wanted to do now, was to fight with them.

Went down to the Village and I realized some people looked at me and bowed at me. I took a deep breath. I knew why. The wolves...I took a deep breath and made myself to continue and ignore anything else.

I went in to the Tavern and sat down. Ordering a wine I could not pay. I drank my first glass and looked around. People drinking, people drunk. Laughs. Warmth, cold. And I just sat there, with my red cloak, observing the Villagers. Thinking why I could not be like them? They seemed happy. They had each other... can we trade?

Submerged to these thoughts, I’ve heard the door opening and hitting the wall. It woke me up from my stupor and there he was. Nicolas. He was like if he came from a long run. His hair was messy but still tied back with a bow. He seemed excited to see me there. What an excitement. He rushed to my side and I just looked at him without a word wondering why he was so happy to see me . Again, reactions like that, were new to me, unknown to experience in my daily life.

He ordered more wine and supper and up to the room we went. I followed him and I really hoped he had the money to pay all of that and not to expect the Lord to pay becasue the Lord had zero money in his pocket. I chuckled just thinking about it. I imagined myself running away at night with the inn keeper screaming to me to pay for all the ordeal.

That room felt so comfortable. So warm. And “our Conversation” began.

“What was it like, Monsieur, killing the wolves?” he stared at me

"Why don't you tell me what's it like in Paris, Monsieur? “ I said and it seemed mocking and rude. You know I was furious about my life and I simply replied the way I always replied to my brothers. But he was not like them. I knew it. I apologized he seemed to understand.

Hours and hours have passed. Drunker we were, glass after glass. I asked a full load of questions about Paris, the University, Music, Theaters...I was imagining how the city was in my mind. How glorious everything seemed in Paris, How brilliant, How one could do many things and not being yelled at it. Theaters....I looked at him, seated in front of me and I listened but I did not. I was dreaming. I was drunk and I think I smiled. I smiled like a fool. Paris....

Then we talked religion and how cynic he seemed to me on his beliefs and how bitter he was talking about it. He just lost his faith and that seemed to be creating him some turmoil. Me, I never believed n God. Never my family. We went to mass just becasue of duty. But I not even believed in God when I was at the Monastery, I just believed on the Priests and them teaching me. Nicolas had that swirl of passion and light when he spoke. I was truly enjoying that conversation.

Then we talked about the witches place. It still gave me chills to think about it but I remembered when that happened and I cried and my mother had to come and pick me up and she was all upset with the Priest for telling us all these stories. I smiled and I felt embarrassed about the thought but I was just a kid. I drank more wine to stop that moment. I knew he was studying me. I felt his eyes on me and I loved that. I think I loved him or so I thought but I was stopping myself on thinking or to say something like that out loud. Its the 18th century, It was a scandal and a sin and much more strange for two men to say they love each other.  I was very drunk so I thought it was just that.

And there came the unexpected after my thought. He leaned closer asking me if I was a werewolf for killing the wolves and I could not believe or actually express what I felt when he did that and touched the fur on my cloak that I was still wearing over my shoulders. It was a blurry vision yet so enchanting. I just didn't want him to stop talking. I wanted him to tell me everything. I never had a conversation like this with anyone. ever. To stop looking at me. I smiled then laughed.

I wanted to know so much from him, his stories, why he didn't believe in these things and why he did believe in these other things, why he thinks Paris was a hellhole, The Village is a hellhole... I'm a dreamer..Yes I am and I wanted him to understand me that everything can be like that bright yet I loved his cynicism.

"Ah, you are a dreamer!  "  he was delighted.  He was beyond handsome when he smiled.

"And I'll know people like you, " I went on, "people who have thoughts in their heads and quick tongues with which to voice them, and we'll sit in cafes and we'll drink together and we'll clash with each other violently in words, and we'll talk for the rest of our lives in divine excitement. " I was stupidly drunk and looking like a fool under his spell. I didn't care. I was so happy.

He reached out and put his arm around my neck and kissed me.  We almost upset the table we were so blissfully drunk.  "My lord, the wolfkiller " he whispered against my lips.

I can assure you I was completely lost. I didn't move, I stayed there while he was holding me. I was listening to his voice even if now he was kissing me. I saw him in my mind even if now my eyes were closed. I realized I was returning that kiss.

Someone knocking at the door, that woke me up from that moment. Behave. What the hell just happened. A kiss? The Inn keeper, more wine. He sat down again and we then started to talk about our lives, more privately. Our fathers, our siblings, or duties, beatings, pain, misery, and somewhat to find our own happiness on what we had, mine hunting and him playing music. I absolutely hate to open myself to that vulnerable level to anyone but I felt Nicolas understood and I was not yelled at it for expressing and so I understood on his when he explained about his life.

We both agreed on that conversation, we replied to each other with “Yes!” “Exactly!” “I know what you mean” and the more I opened to him, the more we shared about our live experiences, the more captivated I was. He was just like me. Nicolas had that own light and pain like I did. I looked into his eyes when he talked and I could see that frustration and furious look. His voice tone, his expressions and gestures. But he had that handsome smile when he spoke about music that made his eyes shone again. He understood, I understood and I knew we had that invisible connection and I realized that I needed him. I needed that conversation.

Holding all these thoughts and opinions in me now could be released, explained and understood. Yes he had a different point of view on some things but that made it perfect. That made us to have intense conversations yet to enjoy each others company. That’s why I loved him. Not only for his handsome look but for that deep soul search meaning in our conversations. I needed someone to talk to in my life, never was able to and he was there now. And I knew I was there for him as well. The feeling and need was mutual.

“Please play the violin for me” I begged

And he ran immediately to his home. Just across from the Inn. It was almost night and we never had supper, I didn't care. I laid on the bed, just thinking about that day. I did not want to the day to end. I felt I was happier than I had ever been in my life. I listened to his words in my mind once again and remembered him walking and talking and smiling...I found myself smiling to that.

He came back. I looked at him and smiled, still lying on bed. He stood in the middle of that small room and he bowed and smiled to me and I smiled back. I laid there with my hands under my head and he started playing. I was astonished about that sound. I stared at him and I could not believe that music that came from him and that instrument. It was peaceful, it was happiness, it was intense, it was him talking through that song. It was inexplicable what I felt. The demons in me dissipated with his song but I felt his delicate and frustrations in as well. It was us! Yes that songs was us!! It was part of our conversation!! Our pain and our happiness, our tears and dreams...yes thats what I felt!

I had my hands holding my head when he finished the song and he seemed worried about my expression. I went up and kissed him and the violin and I threw myself back to the mattress and I started to cry. I dont know why but I wanted to cry. It was a relief after listening to the song and that music, It was a relief for having him there, it was a relief for him understanding me, it was a relief for his company...I cried becasue of my past, becasue of my brothers and father, their beatings, my mother, the wolves, my miserable life...I cried becasue on him and his handsome smile, his music and this happy moment, and the wine and the night at the inn together. I released all that pain and frustrations I held inside of me for so very long time. I needed him, I craved to have someone like him my whole life and now I had his company and his music.

“Monsieur, what's the matter! “ he said

"Stop calling me Monsieur, " I said.  "Call me by my name”

I couldn't tell him why I why crying. And I hated the Monsieur, Lord...always did. This is just me, This is Lestat. I'm not a Lord I'm nothing here just me, this me, love me becasue this is me not the Lord. How much I wanted to say that and I I feel inside of me and just the thought of it made me cry even more.

He sat next to me and held me, he said nice things to me and he tried comfort me, he caressed my hair...How in the hell nobody did that to me before when I cried? Why? What was the reason I had never had physical contact with my family other than beatings? why the hell I did wrong? and I cried more thinking about that. That pain I felt in my chest becasue of my thoughts and for feeling him now close to me, holding me and telling me everything will be alright. His soft voice. There were no more jokes, there was no more wine. The room stood quiet but my sobs and his voice and the fireplace. I held his arm and I grabbed his shirt tightly. I didn't want to go or move, I could not. I wanted to stay there in that room, in his arms and I felt he understood and he never left my side.

Moments later, cant say how long it passed until I felt somewhat better, I think I finally stopped crying and I felt my eyes so puff and blurry it hurt opening them to look at the fireplace, I felt the warm and I felt his arms still around me. I finally passed out or I went into stupor becasue I could not remember anything else than flashes of moving, feeling cold, the night, a door, the castle, my room and darkness again...

Did he stay with me that night at the castle? I do not know. What he did when I passed out in my room? I do not know. I felt tired from all the emotions and the wine and I just slept. And the first thought as soon as my eyes opened the next morning, was him.

I suddenly awoke, the sun was out and it was so bright. I dont know how long I slept. I realized I was in my bed, still all dressed up with the cloak over my shoulders, the dogs by my side and I stood up quickly, splashed my face with cold water, I looked fair enough, went to the kitchen and found a bottle of wine and I went down to the Village not even thinking on hunting or anything else than to be with Nicolas, to talk to him, I needed it so very much.

And there I was standing in the crooked stone street in front of his father's shop, tossing pebbles up at his window.  When he stuck his head out, he looked at me with that swirl on happiness and his handsome smile, messy hair and I said with enthusiasm:  

 "Do you want to come down and go on with our conversation?  " I smiled to him. I felt so happy again.

I never expected, specially at that moment in my life, to have switched from grey days, misery, frustration and loneliness to light, smiles, understanding, company and love. He came to my life when I most needed it. when I was about to lose my mind. He came after all these nightmares and fears. I loved to talk to him about all these different things and beliefs, he has his point of view and opinions, which sometimes upsets me, on a good way for a good argument. We discussed different matters but that do not last more than a few minutes and there we are again, loving each other in our company and enjoying our conversations.

Nicolas is so cynic, so pessimist, but he had his reasons on these frustrations yet he has that unique light that I found so appealing. He could say the word “Spite” on every sentence. And me, I just could see a positive thing even on his words. There was always a way to find happiness on the misery and darkness we lived. Or at least thats what I learned from myself from all these years, alone, hunting and living with the misery. Now Nicolas was part of that happiness. My happiness. I spent so much time with him when I was not hunting. I needed his presence, I needed his opinions and our conversation even if we were not on the same page. Just two different point of views. We had each other and that helped us to get through our lives the best we could. Or at least I felt it that way...

[blacknpurplewarpster]

[IDW Skywarp Headcanon]

More about his awful comments/attitude towards others

I know I’ve written about this before but I cant seem to find it anywhere on my blog. I was rereading the original comic series and thought I’d elaborate a little bit more than what I had previously wrote. I was going to include a snippet from Unicron #2 

Skywarp: “Among others. Could you try bumbling into trouble a little closer to the mainland next time? This was decidedly inconvenient.”  Helix: “I think he means ‘Glad you guys are okay. Sorry it took so long to reach you.’ Isn’t that right, Skywarp?” Skywarp: “I suppose. I would have been more annoyed if we had come all this way and they were already dead.” Helix: “Do you actually know when you’re being awful?” Skywarp: “Almost always. Fortunately, showing up and being remarkable are more important to being a G.I. Joe than unnecessary human pleasantries.” 

Skywarp mentions that he knows when he is being awful with his comments and just overall to others when Helix calls him out on it after just saving part of his team. This team he has been with for a few years and is close to them, even Rock. Going through the comments, he makes snarky ass comments towards Rock and doesn’t give a shit about what his friend thinks either. I’ll come back to Rock in a bit here. Some of his comments towards Rock are rather hilarious in the way Skywarp is portrayed doing them. Not to say Rock deserves his shitty attitude. But later on, they become better and closer friends. 

Even though he is no longer a Decepticon, he still puts duty above everything else, even if it means stepping on others toes or hurting others feelings. Thing is, Skywarp doesn’t care. He feels being blunt is better than beating around the bush or sugarcoating things. He will tell others straight up what he feels and doesn’t give a shit about what it might do. 

Another example is he even says this to Thundercracker, whom he hasn’t seen in a decade or more. 

Thundercracker: “Last time I saw you, you shot me in the face.” Skywarp: “Eh, you deserved it.” 

Like jeezus straight to his face. I think it was like the second sentence he said to Thundercracker after not seeing him for YEARS. Like harsh much? 

So pretty much no one can hide from this. The one thing I have noticed, his snarky comments seem to back off once there’s a tighter bond between himself and whomever else. This happens once Skywarp has a change of heart once he realized how Rock and himself are a lot more similar than he thought. Rock repeatedly tells Skywarp about being alone but he finally realizes this at one important moment. Rock decides to own up to his mistakes of paralyzing Grand Slam and wants to sacrifice his life to blow up the Fatal Fluffies in hopes to get rid of his guilt but its also a sense of pride from him. Skywarp decides to stay back with Rock and decides to stay even when the detonator goes off--surprise surprise, he saves Rock and their bond grows close. 

Here’s some of their conversations between one another just to show you: You can skip all the way down to see my final thoughts. 

---------------------------------------------------------------- GI Joe #1: Rock: Hey, uhh, Skywarp… I was wondering… seeing as we’re teammates… you think I could ride back with you? Skywarp: Are you asking me…to open up my cockpit… and allow you to climb inside of me? Rock: Umm.. yes? Skywarp: Jets off Rock: Looks like I’m with you again.

GI Joe #4

Skywarp: “Look at them. Squabbling in the dirt like… like insects! They can’t do anything. They can accomplish nothing… without me!” Rock: “Hey Skywarp… Instead of waiting for transpo, I was thinking that if you don’t mind, maybe we could.. you know.” Skywarp: Squints hard and jets off Rock: “Jerk.”

Gi Joe #5 Skywarp: “Tell me… you geeks got your data…?” Skywarp: “This isn’t working! I’m tired of you insects leaning on me! Why am I the only one— GAAAH!” Covergirl: “Don’t worry, Skywarp…the calvary’s arrived!” Skywarp: “Now you cowards show up, after sending me ahead.” Rock: “Hey now… I offered to ride with you.” Skywarp: “You know my feelings on that.” Skywarp: “Are you even helping at all?!” Rock: “Honestly? Not really. But if you’d let me ride with—ooofh-!” Skywarp: “Gahhh!” Covergirl: “Skywarp! Come in! Do you read us?!” Skywarp: Khhkkthhhkkt Rock: “Skywarp! Are… are you ok?” Skywarp: “kkhkt No…But I will be there once we will that thing. Were you getting emotional, you sentimental insect?” Rock: “What? I was… No…”

GI Joe #6 Skywarp: “Hrmph. I’ll be the judge of that. Crude ugly thing. If this is the best you can do, no wonder you can’t fix me.” Roadblock: “Four Joes. Skywarp counts.” 

Rock: Turns into this monster from the Fatal Fluffies Skywarp: “I know what this is really about...” Rock: “Hunh?” Skywarp: “...You’re sad I wouldn’t give you a ride. But don’t worry, you’ll get what you want...When i carry you out in pieces.”

GI Joe #7 Skywarp: Is fighting mega-Rock and knows to be gentle and junk. “You are as arrogant as the rest of them! Even enlarged! even with horns and claws! You are nothing but an insec--Urlkh--!” Is being choked out.

Skywarp: “Hey! You watch your mouth!”

Rock: “I know. That’s why I’m volunteering. I’ve done enough damage more than enough. Let me redeem myself please.” Skywarp: “Sure but you aren’t going alone. Someone needs to defend your position while you set up the bomb.” Rock: “But I.. I threw you into the mole pod. the explosion was..” Skywarp: “Yeah, so another one doesn’t scare me much, besides...as soon as the bombs in place, before you hit the button... I”m getting out of here.” 

GI Joe #8 Rock: “Almost read! You gotta jet!” Skywarp: “You’ll be overrun before you can hit it! Besides...It’s an honor to stand by your side. You are a true warrior.” Rock: “No...I’m a Joe. We both are.”  Skywarp saves Rock by letting him ride inside of his cockpit in order to get away from the blast.

Gi Joe #9 Rock: “He wouldn’t let me use the radio.” Skywarp: “You haven’t earned the privilege!” Rock: “Whatever. You ready for the blast beat?”  Skywarp: “Do we have to call it that?”  Skywarp and Rock: “Yoooooooo Joooooooe!”  Rock: “Thanks to Skywarp! Hes letting me ride with him!” Skywarp: “Once! Only once!” 

GI Joe First Strike #1

Skywarp: “You need to get him his own jet!”

Scarletts Strike Force 1 Rock: Skywarp, I”m serious! Seriously! Doc: You know he’s the only one who can put up with your grouchy metal butt.. Skywarp: I thought you liked-- Doc: Nope Skywarp: .... Fine Rock: Hey! Piggyback ride! Skywarp: Start using that shotgun or I’m doing barrel rolls!

---- This is where Skywarps attitude really changes. -------

Rock: And they were chanting this name...glub? golob..goolub? Hey! Are you even listening to me? Skywarp: Its a boring story about something that didn’t actually happen! Why would I listen to it?! Rock: Because it’s stressing me out, man. It felt...different.. Skywarp: Different from your other dreams? Rock: Yeah dude Skywarp: Different from your Jem dreams? Rock: Come on man.. Skywarp: A holograms fan. You’re not metal. Rock: They have some serious riffs, alright!?

Scarletts Strike Force #2

Skywarp: Can you fix my teleportation? Or are you techgeeks just as worthless as everyone else in the Lemuria? Rock: Dude, I’m standing right here. Hey man can I help? Grand Slam: I’ve got it Rock. You only ruined the bottom half of me. Skywarp: Getting m teleportation fixed is the only reason I threw in with you insects! why havent you fixed it yet? You’ve been trying and failing since the EDC!  Grand Slam: Like I told you: We don’t have the tech, or the knowledge. or the materials.

Scarletts Strike Force #3 Skywarp: Yeah. Me. And you’re welcome. Don’t act so shocked. you insects think a giant robot doesn’t know his way around a rudimentary geothermal generator? You’ve been recruited. We’ll rendezvous in DC. You have three minutes to find yourselves a ride before surveillance is back up. Helix: Aren’t you letting people ride inside of you now? Skywarp: Only Rock ‘n Roll! 

Unicron #2 The first set of quotes goes right here in events wise. 

----------------------------------------------------------------

This is the end of their interactions. I know I didn’t show everything but it shows a huge chunk of how you can see how Skywarp is only “nice” to Rock really because in his optics, he isn’t respected by some of the others, especially Grand Slam. So in his mindset, why does he have to be nice if he doesn’t have the respect? 

He figures he lost his respect towards Thundercracker (or rather TC lost respect for Skywarp) because of what he’d done to him so he resets back to being an ass. He thinks their history doesn’t matter anymore, so he resorts to just tell him straight-up. Perhaps he was always straight up before their meeting with Starscream and he’s resorting back to his normal or preset attitude/maturity. That all of what has gone on from him shooting TC out of the sky onwards, smacked him so hard it woke him up from this “fantasy.” If that makes sense?? I’m tired and rambling. 

Deep down, I truly believe he cares but he isn’t going to show that side. He needs to put duty before anything else because that’s the motto Skywarp lives by. You can see a lot of this change in him throughout the entire series but it really sets out from AHM series onwards. His whole attitude flips and starts to really develop his character and we see this. I have a feeling he didn’t used to be like this but what he’s done in his life has shaped him to act in this way. Perhaps its a way of not letting others get close to him. It might very well be a defense mechanism. Who knows, we truly won’t know canon wise since the series ended. 

THANKS FOR BEING HERE FOR MY HEADCANON AND RAMBLE OF THOUGHTS. 

[tfw-no-tennis]

hhhhhhxh

more abt hxh bc my last post was too long n i had to split it off holla

so i left off talking abt when gon woke up....i love how polite gon is to pretty much everyone - hes such a good lad all the time. s/o to his aunt for raising him right (tho i think hes also just a rlly good boy inherently too)

also is he named gon bc ging was like ha ha im boutta be GONe lol seeya kid!!!! like ????

i find it interesting that kurapika and hisoka fought....we really havent seen them interact at all yet. also hisoka is so smirk-y i hate that bitch...what did he say to kurapika?????? 

this poor red shirt old guy lmao hisoka is SO clearly uninterested in fighting him and then he fucking dies. rip mdude

what did hisoka whisper to HIM??? guess we’ll never know #RIPLegend

oh mannnn if killua had just won against pokkle then he wouldnt have had to deal with illumi doing That to him :( my smug son......

leorio is such a good dude....also its so funny to me how tall and lanky leorio is, espec compared to the other 3 main characters lmaoooo

or maybe those 3 are just rlly short??? i mean gon and killua are literally 12, but whats kurapikas excuse

GODDDD I HATE THIS BIIIIITCH. FUCK OFFFFFFF tho the evil piano music slaps. but jeeeeesus illumi is so creepy and awful, and seeing him take off his disguise is not any better a second time...he and hisoka truly deserve each other wrow

does illumi have hair powers??? cause it kinda looks like it. or maybe hes just gay and dramatic 

ok but the sick electric guitar riff (?) that played when illumis face was revealed was lowkey kinda hilarious

man i was so wrong abt killua knowing that that was illumi :( poor kid

killua is immediately freaking out and meanwhile illumi looks bored as hell. dude ur the worst 

killua: [freaking out] illumi, completely blank-faced: hey 

I HATE HIMMMM even tho his catman design is regrettably kinda cute

why do illumi and hisoka both have such snatched waists i hate this

wtf so killua has another different brother??? i assumed he attacked illumi....how many fuckgin zoldyk sibling are there?????

leorio ur too normie for this conversation lmao. also wow fucked up family huh

killua looks so like...small and helpless, which is so at odds from what we’ve seen of him so far :( this poor kid

illumi totally has some weird brain powers man callin it now 

gon: wow killuas family sounds wack...  satotz: oh lmao you havent even heard the rest 

KILLUA ;_; 

this poor baby assassin :( :( :(

IMMM INCONSOLABLE. HE WANTS TO BE FRIENDS W/GON.......ARE YOU KIDDING....AUGHHHHHHHH

meanwhile gon decided he and killua are BEST FRIENDS like 10 mins after they met. GOD 

like in the recap ep he called killua his best friend ;_; and meanwhile killua doesnt even think they ARE friends god destroy me 

this calming classical music is throwing me off vbhjfjhbsdkgndks

i sense that leorio and kurapika are rapidly acquiring a new son

DAMN THIS IS SO FUUUUCKEDDDDD illumi is such a crusty bitch wow. leave killua alone asshole 

all that stuff abt killua like, only thinking he wants to befriend gon but really wanting to kill him....that sure sounds like some ‘worst fears’ type of shit for someone like killua....illumi is such a classic abuser wow

i have 2 know is satotz like, repeating this entire conversation verbatim in a calming monotone to gon rn. like....

LEORIOOOOO I LOVE UUUUUUUU AUGHHHH him telling killua it doesnt matter if illumi is his brother, fuck that guy, beat him up as usual and leave.....ooooughhhh leorio is such a good dude ;_; 

and the OF COURSE him saying the obvious - that gon and killua are ALREADY friends....i love this, i feel like leorio said all the exact things the audience is thinking...yet it still didnt get thru to killua bc hes so rattled by illumi appearing, and the abuse in general 

i think if gon were there things wouldve gone much differently 

of COURSE crusty bitch illumi is like oh ok now i have to kill gon.....biiiiitch i hate uuuuu 

also that just shows that hes lying to killua (which we already knew obvs), bc if it were inevitable that killua would kill gon to like, test himself or w/e, then why not just wait for that to happen? that would have a much bigger impact on killua than illumi killing gon....its obvious that illumi is just manipulating him, but killua is too BSOD to be able to tell (also, hes 12)

ok bitch illumi is preaching abt not needing friends but he and hisoka are definitely fucking and theyve been teamed up for the entire hunter exam it seems.....what a hypocrite. hate this guy

god im so glad we didnt rlly get to see whatever the fuck illumi did to that random hunter examiner guy’s face. jeeeeesus. also i cant tell but i wonder if him forcing that info out of the guy was the result of his freaky mind powers or if the guy was just like oof ouch pins in me face

LEORIO AND KURAPIKAAAA THE PROTECT GON SQUAD!! and joined by new member hanzo!!! who ironically beat gon up for 3 hours str8 like, a very short amount of time ago lmao. but still i love that sm

illumi u dumb bitch.....tho i dont buy for a minute that he didnt already realize that killing gon would disqualify him...he defs just wanted to get under killuas skin even more :^( 

KILLUAAAA ;_; when he goes to step back from illumi but illumi tells him not to....ughhh HATE this guy, leave this poor kid alone. no wonder he wanted to leave

illumi saying theres only 1 way that killua can stop him - does he mean by killing him, or something more specific, like some forbidden zoldyk murder technique? 

‘your beloved gon’ wow gay. theyre 12 and theyre dating ok. killua is literally that kid whos like wow i wonder if gon likes me...and meanwhile gon is like wow cant believe me and killua have been dating for 3 months now

leorio saying ‘we wont let him kill you or gon’ ;_; leorio ily sm...thats like the exact right thing to say - hes offering protection and reassurance as an adult figure...unfortunately killua is clearly too freaked out to even process anything outside of illumis gaslighting and abuse 

also illumi is defs doing something to killua w/his eyes via his freaky mind powers. js

illumi i hate you stop being weirdly cute. augh 

classic abuse tactics, being like ha ha nvm i wasnt gonna kill gon! jk!

killua just shutting down completely after that :( :( noooo

and then he kills that old guy and leaves, ‘proving’ that illumi is right....noooooOOOO

and now we boutta see gon go FULL shounen protag for the first time, oh FUCKKKKKK yesssss

this is the first time we’ve seen gon angry oooh man and of COURSE its on killuas behalf,....im so fuckign emo already looooord

god ok the episode preview where its gon saying ‘do leorio and i look alike?’ YES U DO LOL youre father and son so jot that down 

oof, gon and illumi have such fundamentally different POVs on like, family and life and morals, and you can tell by their 4-line exchange before gon does the ICONIC one-handed grab’n’fling

AUGHHHH gon saying hes gonna rescue killua....SO good...he recognizes that killuas family is wack as hell and killua shouldnt be w/them - the classic ingrained ‘found family is more important than blood family’ stuff

tho thats an interesting contrast to gon himself, whos looking for his deadbeat dad

‘but it wasnt his choice’ that so good ily gon BEST boy, hes so perceptive and good......he knows that killuas hand was forced and that he needs to be RESCUED (love that word choice) from his shitty abusive family

of course kurapika and leorio voiced complaints ;_; best parents 

kurapika should be a lawyer tbh 

leorioooo ;_; such a good dude, saying he should be disqualified instead 

HOW is leorio a stronger combatant than that old dude hvbajufjbsja that guy had some moves it seemed, and leorio has,....a knife? a briefcase? the classic premed attitude of ‘fuck it, i could die anytime, lets do this’? like.....cmon vhabjdfjbhsf i refuse to believe this man is of any use in a fight. ill believe it when i see it

pokkle pls ur not plot-important enough to be jumping into this convo rn

tho i am curious abt what hisoka said to kurapika. tho i agree that thats irrelevant to the discussion 

gon repeating satotz’s wisdom :’) and saying that killua will definitely pass if he takes the exam again...ough

gon is SO GOOD i cant get over it !!!!!!!!! AUGHHHH....recusing killua from his abusive family and making it so killua never has to see them again is like...so good. what a good good perfect boy.

also thats like, the perfect response to this. killing illumi would just start a ton of drama, and killua would be conflicted abt that....but removing killua from his situation is perfect 

ok ive ranted a lot ill talk abt the rest later woohoo

PREDICTIONS: 

i predict that hisoka will show up in this upcoming zoldyk arc somewhere bc illumis gonna be in it (i assume) and theyre dating. also hisoka is a central character so itd make sense for him to show up in the second major arc. tho tbh this could end up being completely false and i wouldnt be that shocked lmao

i think leorio is gonna get Big Sad someday bc hes like, so normal compared to the other MCs, and also hes suuuuch a bleeding heart (i love him....) so i feel like thats gonna lead to some sadness for him once his friends start doing crazy shit or w/e 

also i predict that if he gets nen itll be like healing nen or st. does that even exist??? idk jack shit abt nen lmao 

i think that illumi has hypnosis powers or something, even just based on design alone. it could defs be for aesthetic (character design in hxh is wild), but his eyes look noticeably different from any other characters. also he was doing some freaky shit to killua. also i held this prediction before seeing the part where this is brought up so we’ll see if its right lmao 

as for this upcoming arc -  ruth and i are wondering if itll be similar to the vinsmoke drama in one piece - character goes back to abusive family, squad goes to rescue them...and then character refuses to be recused. w/sanji it was partially bc the vinsmokes threatened to kill zeff, his TRUE dad, but i predict in this case it could be more like the zoldyks saying ‘look killua these 3 weirdos showed up looking for you, convince them to leave or we’ll kill them’ and killua will be like, oh shit bc like.....think abt it. the vinsmokes targeted zeff (and not the strawhats) bc they knew they could easily kill him. same goes here, i assume - a family of trained assassins vs Good Good Fishing Rod Smell-Power Boy (who hasnt thrown a single punch yet), Lanky Dr Man With A Switchblade We Havent Seen Him Use Onscreen, and Mx 2 Wooden Sticks, Bloodlust, and Arachnophobia - 3 For 1 Deal! its a no-contest. so thats one thing i could see happening, potentially 

im way too tired to remember my other predictions rip lmao

[kpopfanfictrash]

beluguwu said: this was amazing you’re so amazing for writing this i love this but you scared me half to death tho because I thought jimin was going to die and I went no no no you’re so talented and creative merp

withlovetaehyung said: UHM EXCUSE ME???? THE BEST??? UGHHH

cakecobain said: wow. absolutely amazing. thank you so much for sharing your beautiful talent. damn♡

alostlady said: THIS IS SOOO GOOD😣👌👌 Words cannot express how much I love your writings and like oof its like it gets better at every story😭

nekocila said: As with everything ever written by Shanna, this is amazing. Like i felt for everyone in this (but Yoongi specifically hit me with sad vibes). It has anything you could possibly want; action, politics, romance, awesome friendships, comedy, every thing. It's perfect.

atinypiratequeen said: Good LORD this fic is amazing! The world building is so solid that I never questioned the politics or the cultural differences between the characters, and the characterization was so sound that I understood every decision they made and they felt believable. Yet another masterpiece Miss Shanna!

koru-rhi said: I just love it when I’m at work and I get a text from @thesunisup-theskyisblue: “SHANNA’S NEW FIC IS UP!!” 😂 Go read this. Go read all her stuff. One day y’all are going to be fighting over her actual books so be like us and Stan early.

castlewolfsbane said: This is soo good!:')

krissylynnr said: I love love this so so much!!!! 💜💜💜💜

carolithe said: Yessssssss, I loved this! Such a compelling read, you wrote this so well! The characters, the dialogue, the plot - I freaking loved it ALL. So good. Much love. Shanna, you are a fic-writing TREASURE ♡♡♡♡♡♡♡ Also, I will never be able to look at buckets, or people who stand in said buckets, ever again without snort-laughing, so thank you for that 😆

byeoltoyuki said: I'm sorry but YOU ALL NEED TO STOP WHATEVER YOU'RE DOING AND READ THIS MASTERPIECE THAT IS PARALIAN.

bs14401 said: Oh my stars in the sky!!!!! I was so excited to read this! I literally woke up at the crack of dawn and grabbed my warmest blanket and a steaming cup of coffee. This was so much fun to read and made my day! Thank you for all of your hard work and I cant wait to read your future Drabble!!!!! Thank you thank you thank you!!

mermaidlem0nades said: This is an absolutely masterpiece! Thank you for breaking your hiatus to deliver this amazing adventure. Your worldbuilding is spectacular and I cant get enough of it! I could read like 30 fics in this universe. The upcoming drabble has me absolutely stoked and I cant help but to selfishly hope for a little Sea Witch Yoongi  spinoff, his moment was brief but his design and backstory were captivating. Thank you thank you thank you!

jinyoungsir said: This is SO good. Like So so SO good. Shanna you are AMAZING.

jungkookseggshell  said: I love this story so much. It’s thrilling, adventurous, full of danger, twists and turns. It gave me the same feeling I felt when I first read the Princess Bride. Shanna’s writing brings her worlds and her characters to life, while simultaneously drawing the reader into their realm. Thank you for sharing this story with your followers! It’s truly amazing and I loved every word

thesunisup-theskyisblue said: You bring such life into all your stories! It just makes me want to read about all of their adventures! So beautifully written. You have such a talent and I look forward to everything you write. 💕💕💕

vantaehs  said: I LOVE THIS SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!¡!

kpopmagics said: SCREAMING and absolutely caught in all the feels. I cry.

lostscenarios said: Guys this story is soooo good! I’m a sucker for stories that involve fighting and battles and lemme tell y’all THIS IS IT CHIEF! A long story, but I think it’s perfect because it has just the right amount of detail and relationship buildup.

@beluguwu @withlovetaehyung @cakecobain @alostlady @nekocila @atinypiratequeen @koru-rhi @castlewolfsbane @krissylynnr @carolithe @byeoltoyuki @bs14401 @mermaidlem0nades @jinyoungsir @jungkookseggshell @thesunisup-theskyisblue @vantaehs @kpopmagics @lostscenarios 

THANK YOU SO, SO MUCH for your enthusiastic messages and kind words. I can’t tell you how much they mean to me, or how many times I’ve re-read them over the past two days. Thank you for reading and for leaving a comment -- honestly, these are all so nice I’m teary. Wishing you all the best day/night, ILY!!