You can tell by the reaction people have to Penelope asking Colin to kiss her whether they ever experienced being a wallflower/insecure fat girl at a party or not.
Because you say it's pathetic, I say it's relatable, no matter how desperate it may sound. If you've never had your insecurity eat you up from the inside (but also the outside, as Portia literally told Penelope that she was delusional for thinking she was gonna find a husband in her third season out) to the point you genuinely, wholeheartedly believe no one will ever love you unless you physically change, then obviously the scene is off to you.
But Pen literally told Colin she felt stupid for thinking she's gonna find a husband (she just started believing what the ton and her mother said) and that she knows no one would want to kiss her. And for a romance girl like her, do you think the thought of never having a kiss, never experiencing that passion, would be easy to bear? I can so relate to being the most romantic of the bunch but also being the loneliest and aching for physical and emotional romantic love.
She is so vulnerable and so real in that moment but y'all gotta bitch about it because it doesn't make sense to you. It doesn't make sense to me either because she's gorgeous, but that's the thing - no one ever told her she's gorgeous and actually meant it. And even if they did, there must be 10 more people who didn't that keep that insecurity in her, specifically her sisters and her mother.
Nicola said this one was for the wallflowers, and it truly is, so if you find scenes like this cringe, you just don't relate to the character enough to feel it and recall moments when you had the same thoughts as her.
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OH. okay so normally i dont touch discourse with a 20 ft pole, but this has been niggling at my brain tonight and i finally realized why
the people who are mad at qbbh for the memory loss and “dodging consequences” dont understand that he doesnt want to dodge consequences. Like they cant know that, they werent focused on him when he was literally feeding himself to the soul vultures and planning his eventual imprisonment and also. The Many Many Many hints he made towards suicide/sacrifice/Just Fucking Dying.
ccbbh is a subtle roleplayer, he’s been building this shit up for two whole months- it was day FIVE of the eggs going missing that he resolved to do whatever it took (hurting his friends) to get the eggs back. It was day three that he followed in dapper’s footsteps and started feeding himself to the soul vultures (and gaining a Massive headwound beneath his hood in the process- you can only see it if you go on namemc and remove the layers). He’s got impaired judgement. Even the memory issues arent a new thing- i cant remember exactly when they started, but one of the first big moments i remmeber was september 30th where he spent an hour falling into a delusional frenzy searching his base for cameras that he forgot he asked aypierre to plant.
The super murder of purgatory and the memory loss afterwards probably all feels very sudden for people who havent been following his story, but as someone who has been- all of this has been true to character. The only cheap swings he’s made have been combat-based in purgatory, and even the motive for those was built up in rp.
People are calling for consequences, but he has alrwady been experiencing self-inflicted consequences for months. The blue on his usual outfit is blood. This recent memory loss isnt a restart to get away with the atrocities - it is yet another consequence of his egg-protecting complexes and the ways he punishes himself for failing them.
he is NOT a moral character. he’s a demon hiding in plain site. he has eaten people. he has killed people. he understands the cruelty of his actions, and the consequences of them for the loved ones of his victims. but it matters when that harm is being done to his loved ones. he’ll still do it, because he will do anything for the eggs, but it matters, and that means that he has already started the process of self-inflicting those much-demanded consequences
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A Desperate Fool - Part 7
Part 6
Last time: Eddie learns why everyone quit calling
~~~
He runs a hand through his tangled hair, bringing him back to the present as he looks across at Nancy. She’s leaned into the back of the couch, feet still perched in his lap. Eddie’s almost forgotten what the force of Nancy’s gaze feels like, full of heavy emotions weighing him down. He’s lost so much time with his family, missed so much. Nancy hands him a box of tissues as he dries his eyes on his sleeve.
A look of regret crosses her face. “We can take a break, you know. We don’t have to go over it all right now.”
“No, Nance. I need to hear this. I want to hear this.”
She looks at him for a long moment. Eddie’s not entirely sure what face he’s making, but Nancy must sense his resolve, so she continues with her story.
While living with Nancy, Robin was able to get them both a job working as servers at a cafe around the corner. Between making a decent amount in tips and scheduling his own hours, Steve was able to finish his teaching degree.
“Robin quit her job?” Eddie asks, surprised. “I thought she made good money as a private language tutor.”
Nancy chuckles, like he’s missing out on the joke. “Really? You don’t think Robin wouldn’t quit her job in a heartbeat if it meant getting to work with Steve? Especially when he needed it most.”
He smiles. Yeah, of course she would. Even when Eddie and Steve were at their best, he’s still not sure he could ever love Steve as much as Robin, but fuck if he didn’t try every day to prove otherwise.
Why did he ever stop trying?
A happier occasion than the last move, the two found a bigger place closer to Steve's new job. By October, Steve had charmed the Principal into hiring Robin to teach Spanish and French. They were doing well– and still are, Nancy adds on with a smile.
Eddie doesn’t deserve to feel proud of Steve, knowing he’s the reason Steve had to put his life on hold, but he smiles regardless. Nancy squeezes his ankle, still propped in her lap, like she can read his thoughts. It’s encouraging to know that after everything, she’s still here with him. He doesn’t deserve her either.
“He loves his job, Eddie. You know he’s always been good with kids.”
“I know,” he says, tipping his head back to keep the tears pooled in his eyes. “Elementary, right?”
Nancy sighs, a small laugh escaping on the exhale, “Kindergarten Phys. Ed., to be exact.”
And god, Eddie can’t help but laugh. He can imagine Steve in his favorite blue track pants, white t-shirt, with a whistle around his neck, teaching the kids how to play parachute and tag. Running around and building obstacle courses with them, consoling them when they stumble.
The tears fall anyway, but Eddie’s smile is still bright and shiny. He can’t remember the last time he’s laughed, true happiness fizzing like tiny bubbles in his chest.
It’s a little bittersweet to hear Steve's doing well, but that's just the small, selfish part of him wallowing in the fact that he's not the person making him happy. Still, Steve's doing well, and that means everything in the world to Eddie.
~~~
Part 8
Tag List!!!
@sadisticaltarts @5ammi90 @blacklegsanji21 @jaytriesstrangerthings @thewickedkat
@stripey82
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